Chapter Text
Hux was utterly disgusted.
While this was nothing new in itself, the feeling was at its absolute worst, having been compounded by having to risk his own life while the entire bloody planet collapsed and for what? Because Ren couldn't stop himself from chasing his new crush out into the woods.
And there he was, laying in the snow next to a chasm of magma looking like he'd either given up on living or had just had the best sex of his life. Or maybe it was a mix of both. Hux swore he could see smoke rising from the man as he approached. He was disappointed to see that Ren was, in fact, alive, but gleeful as he watched the man struggle to rise and realized that he'd been severely ass-kicked.
Maybe the girl wasn't so bad after all. Hux made a mental note to congratulate her if he ever saw her again.
"Bring him," he ordered the stormtroopers, then strode back to the ship.
Not only had Ren's crush compromised their mission to obtain the map to Skywalker, but it had also led to the entire superweapon being obliterated. His life's work. Ruined. And all because Kylo Ren's brain had suddenly transferred to his dick. Typical Jedi. All calm and control until all that stupidly repressed desire exploded. What Ren needed was a good, decent whore or even a slave or two. Or a neutering. That would fix him.
When Ren was on board, they wasted no time in blasting off. Hux felt the shockwaves from the planet's explosion shake through the ship a few minutes later, momentarily throwing him off balance. Ren rolled across the floor. Scowling down at him, Hux resisted the urge to give him a good, solid kick in the ribs. Or the balls, seeing as how that was what had gotten them into this mess in the first place.
"Get him into a bunk!" Hux snapped at the stormtroopers, following them as they grabbed Ren and hauled him to the crew's quarters at the rear of the ship. He couldn't tell if Ren was completely conscious or not. His eyes would open every so often, but he seemed bewildered. Out of it.
"Should we administer emergency medical treatment, Sir?" one of the stormtroopers asked, once Ren had been deposited into a bunk, his feet hanging off the end.
"No," Hux replied, scowling down at his nemesis. "Let him suffer until we get there."
Hux watched the stormtroopers depart, then spun on his heel and turned back to Ren, who was staring blankly up at the bunk above him, for all intents and purposes looking completely wasted. The girl really had done a number on him.
"Has she got tits made of nova crystals, or was there something else that was so interesting about this girl that was worth destroying the entire First Order for?" Hux said, unable to hide his contempt. "Unbelievable. You get a crush, and my weapon gets annihilated. Fantastic. This is exactly what I mean when I say your personal interests interfere with the mission. We're getting attacked by the Resistance, and what are you doing? Running out into the woods to have a wank with your little girlfriend, that's what!"
Kylo lay silent, his eyes dropping closed. Hux resisted the urge to smack him, opting for continuing his tirade instead, while he still could. If Ren hadn't been so completely wrecked, Hux would have probably found his air supply cut off. He almost wished it would happen just so he had an excuse to inflict further damage on the lovesick moron.
"I cannot wait to hear how you explain this to the Supreme Leader," he continued, pacing back and forth. "You barely know the girl, after all. I can only suppose that she must have made quite an impression on you during interrogation –are you bleeding all over the floor? Gods, you are so dramatic. Trooper! Get in here!"
"Yes, Sir?"
Hux waved a hand in Ren's general direction. "Administer emergency medical treatment. He's fouling my ship."
As he walked out, Kylo Ren's exhausted voice followed him.
"It was so good."