Chapter Text
Academic success came easily for Tsukishima Kei. Schoolwork was always straightforward for him, classes were almost rendered useless.
Every topic was a relatively easy concept to grasp and he could very well manage on his own, achieving a straight A report card throughout school. Homework was thought of as a walk in the park, and he could usually complete it in a matter of half an hour, no questions asked.
However, recently, he’s been loosing focus.
Everytime he had to sit down and work on the oh so very important task before him, something else kept sprinting to mind.
Despite countless efforts to clear the turbid thoughts out of his head, he just couldn’t focus. Disappointment clouded his head, as missing assignments started to count into the double digits. His perfect, one hundred percent grades slowly, but tauntingly started to drop into the lower percentile.
Not only did his worsening grades plague him, it even started to grab the attention of his teachers. Their concerned questions about his sudden descent sent Tsukishima into agony.
He had to climb back up. He just had to.
Before his classes, he was ready for his vigilant eyes to be peeled to the whiteboard. He was determined to soak up the information like a sponge and squeeze it out into his brain.
His extra, extra effort had to amount to something- right?
As soon as his teacher stepped in front of the whiteboard and started writing seemingly random physics equations, Tsukishima grew jittery, as something else had captured his attention.
His right leg quickly bounced up and down, nearly shaking his entire desk as he placed a calloused palm over his knee, in attempt to calm it down. He defeatedly dropped his head into his palms and rubbed against his eyes until a familiar face was displayed instead of his eyelids.
The same familiar face had the same familiar shaggy brown hair and familiar droopy eyes as the boy who frequently starred in Tsukishima’s daydreams.
Tsukishima found himself somewhere he couldn’t quite pinpoint. He stood beside his best friend, Yamaguchi, but they were closer than usual. Too close. The sun behind them, casted the perfect glow upon Yamaguchi's face, his countless, sun-kissed freckles appearing more prominently.
He looked ethereal, to say the least. His hair blew gently in the slight breeze, a few silky strands falling into his eyes. He lifted his hand to tuck the flying strands behind his ear before casting a familiar radiant smile his way. His grin closely resembled the sun behind them, sending heat straight to Tsukishima's face.
"Tsukki…"Yamaguchi’s voice was barely a whisper, but it felt like brute force, tugging at something deep inside him. The way he said his name was foreign, it was urgent, like a question that had no answer.
Tsukishima’s throat tightened, his heart pounding, but before he could speak or even move closer, the world around them began to blur and crumble.
"Tsukki..?" Yamaguchi’s voice came again, sharper this time. Tsukishima’s eyes shot open as he sat straight up, his eyes adjusting to the sunlight pouring into the almost empty classroom.
His eyes fixed onto the boy in front of him. “Are you ready for lunch Tsukki?” The same smile in his dream was plastered across his best friend’s face. His eyes shone brightly, waiting for a response.
Tsukishima blinked rapidly, trying to process what the fuck that was about.
For the last month or so, he’s been the recipient of these strange daydreams. They’d always revolve around Yamaguchi, the atmosphere tense and almost unusually intimate.
They’d involve different scenarios; ranging from them alone in Tsukishimas room, doing something as normal as working on homework, to Yamaguchi alone, basking in sunlight, swimming in the most breathtaking waters.
They mainly (basically all of them) were simply about Yamaguchi’s appearance.
Wether it was some element of nature itself making yamaguchi appear… differently lately, or Tsukishima glancing at his face more frequently whenever possible, it was ultimately these stupid dreams about his childhood best friend that had been throwing him off his guard.
He winced, as shame stared to pump into his bloodstream. How unnatural it is, for your unsuspecting best friend to be living inside your thoughts non-stop.
”Not so loud Tadashi, I have a headache.” Tsukishima’s voice broke.
Yamaguchi giggled, as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “Sorry Tsukki!”
Tsukishima stood up quickly out of his seat, causing it to fall backwards. Two of his classmates, who were chatting and near the door, looked over at him with furrowed brows. He huffed and began waking out of the class, alongside Yamaguchi.
They headed to their usual lunch spot, a wooden picnic bench near the gym. Tsukishima walked with his hands stuffed into his pockets, as Yamaguchi glanced sideways at him every so often.
They were walking in sync, Tsukishima noticed. As they walked through the exit doors, the cold air engulfed them. Yamaguchi hugged himself momentarily, as if that simple action would heat him up.
Something about the winter season was strangely comforting to Yamaguchi. It could’ve been the way the coldness nipped at his skin, urging him to find something warm to cover himself with.
It could be the resemblance between the persistent weather and his best friend.
“Tsukki… are you alright? You seem quieter than usual.” Yamaguchi stopped to look at him. “Don’t tell me you couldn’t focus in class again.”
”It’s fine Tadashi. I was just a little distracted.”
”What distracts you this much? I've never seen you so affected by something like this before.”
”No idea.”
They arrived at their secluded lunch spot, Yamaguchi placed his lunch on the table and sat down.
Tsukishima followed suit and sat in front of him. He opened the lunch box that his mom had packed for him today, as Yamaguchi peered inside curiously. He had rice and fries. Tsukishima picked the soggy fries and placed them into Yamaguchi’s waiting, open hand.
Tsukishima chuckled. ”My mom must’ve packed these for you.”
Yamaguchi popped them all into his mouth in unison. “mmfph she mnows me sfo wehll.” Once he swallowed them all, he directed a grateful smile at Tsukshima, his eyes crinkling.
”Thanks Tsukki!”
Tsukishima replied with a habitual roll of his eyes as he felt the corners of his mouth pull into a smile. Yamaguchi’s eyes followed them before looking down at his own lunch quickly.
They both continued to eat their foods in comfortable silence. That was until Yamaguchi blurted, “Oh, Tsukki! I have something for you!”.
Tsukishima raised an eyebrow apprehensively as Yamaguchi reached into the back pocket of his pants. He pulled out a white envelope with a red heart drawn in the centre. ‘To: Tsukishima Kei’ was written neatly beneath it. There was red glitter glued onto the edges.
“I don’t want it.”
Yamaguchi shook the envelope and the sound of something small, moving, captured Tsukishimas attention.
“Do you think there’s chocolate in there?” Tsukishima asked, glancing at the envelope with sudden interest.
”Sounds like it, but are you not gonna ask who it’s from?”
“Nope, don’t care.”
”Why the heck not, Tsukki?!”
This was probably the fifth girl since the start of the year, to ask Yamaguchi to talk to Tsukishima for them; or to give him a gift that they were too shy to deliver on their own.
Each and every time, Yamaguchi would answer with an, “Of course!” and couldn’t help but walk away with a feeling that someone was twisting his guts up and tying them into a noose.
On the walk over to Tsukishima’s classroom, Yamaguchi was debating ripping the letter into shreds, or even not telling Tsukishima about the encounter. Maybe Tsukki and the girl would spend the rest of their lives with each other, then there’s absolutely no way he would need him anymore. Yamaguchi clenched his jaw.
Maybe he’s just too nice for his own sake.
”Not interested.” Tsukishima replied. Yamaguchi felt his jaw relax as his thoughts dissipated.
”But you don’t even know the girl! What if she’s nice?”
“The fact that she’s a she tells me all I need to know.”
Yamaguchi pressed his palms onto the picnic table, pushing himself forwards. “How come you never told me this, Tsukki? I thought you just wanted to spend the rest of your life alone!” He laughed softly, eyes rivalling the sun behind him. “In that case, can I tell them that you’re not interested?” Yamaguchi was absolutely brimming with satisfaction.
”Sure Tadashi.”
——————————
The bell signifying the end of the school day had literally just rung; yet Hinata and Kageyama were full on racing to the club room, that they practically left skid marks behind them. A combination of, “Slow down Bakageyama!” and, “Last one there owes the winner a pork bun!” was heard from the two boys.
Tsukishima leaned on the wall outside of Yamaguchi’s classroom, waiting for him. His mind flashed back to his classes and how utterly lazy he was behaving. The entirety of his last period consisted of Tsukishima’s head flat on the table, eyes shut as he berated himself silently. Occasionally, his eyes would flicker up to the board, as he tried to tune in to what his teacher was saying; however, something else was taking over his mind.
As the teacher dismissed the class, she pulled Tsukishima aside. “Tsukishima, I’ve graded your exam. Here.” She handed him his test paper.
He hesitantly flipped it over, hands slightly shaking. He was met with the sight of an eighty five precent, circled in red, he stared at it in disbelief. Oh Shit.
”Not your best work Tsukishima.” She crossed her arms, a display of emphasis. “What happened? You used to be at the top of this class, and now your grades are falling. I expect more from such a studious boy like you.” Her voice was laced with disappointment.
“I’m sorry. I’ll improve.” He felt a familiar stinging sensation in his eyes.
She shook her head slightly.“I know you will, you’re an exceptionally good student.”
“Thank you.”
”I hope you think about what i've just said. I’ll see you in class tomorrow.” She sent him a sad smile.
He nodded, trying not to look at her.
Tsukishima turned around and left the classroom, his eyes slowly began to dampen. He brought a hand to his eyes and wiped as hard as he could, he could have sworn they popped. What would Yamaguchi think if he saw him act like this? Nothing good, definitely.
He crumpled up his test paper as hard as he could, knuckles turning white. He trudged into the nearest vacant classroom, and chucked it into the trashcan.
Hey Tsukki! Thanks for waiting for me.” Yamaguchi flung his messenger bag over his shoulder. “How was class?” His dark, droopy eyes met with Tsukishimas, it seemed like they were searching for something. Their constant sparkle shone brightly as he spoke.
Tsukishima averted his gaze. He felt a little sick now, Tadashi's stare evoked a sense of uneasiness deep in his stomach. It settled there, like a handful of rocks that had been shoved down his throat.
”It was fine.” They began walking to the club room. Tsukishima looked at the ground, hoping that Yamaguchi wouldn’t come to the conclusion that he had been ‘crying’. He felt Yamaguchi’s eyes bore into the side of his skull as he kept his head down. “What about you?”, he asked reluctantly.
”It was alright, Tsukki! The girl who gave you the letter was talking to me again. Asking if you accept her confession and stuff.”
”What did you say?”
”That you aren’t interested.” Tsukishima saw the faintest hint of a smirk creeping up on Yamaguchi’s face. He found it endearing in a way, that Yamaguchi was so happy about him rejecting girls.
“What did she say?”
“She just said that she regrets wasting her time on you, besides, I swear I saw her holding hands with some random guy from another class not even half an hour later.”
“Looks like she moves on quickly.” Tsukishima chuckled.
—————————————
“Dumbass Hinata! Give it back right fucking now, or else i’m gonna beat your ass in front of everyone here!” The boys were all changing in the club room, (excluding Daichi of course, since he never manages to not be exactly on time.)
”I'm sure that's the only thing he wants to do to Hinata’s ass” Tsukishima whispered to Yamaguchi, who was stood beside him.
“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi giggled behind his hand, “I bet Hinata took it away on purpose, just so he could see him in his boxers.”
”Oh, a million percent.”
Hinata had decided to swipe Kageyama’s gym shorts whilst his back was turned, sifting through his gym locker. Kageyama was chasing him around the room, directing curses at him every step of the way. “Come get it if you can!” Hinata taunted, turning around for a split second and flashing his tongue at Kageyama.
Their voices nattered on as Tsukishima glanced at Yamaguchi through his peripheral. Yamaguchi was changing into his own uniform, he was turned around like usual, facing his locker. He always made an extra effort to make sure that no one could see him change.
It had never occurred to Tsukishima to ask why. Though he probably shouldnt. Yamaguchi pulled off his school shirt, stuffing it into his bag.
Tsukishimas heart leapt out of his chest as he watched Yamaguchi's back muscles flex, before being covered in his volleyball uniform shirt. What the fuck? He forced his eyes to focus on the door closing behind the rest of the boys, leaving just him and Yamaguchi behind.
Tsukishima realised that he hadn't been changing this whole time, just staring down his best friend, changing. He bent down and grabbed his uniform, pulling it on hurriedly. "Thanks for waiting Tsukki!" Tsukishima craned his neck upwards so that he could see Yamaguchi's beaming face.
Yamaguchi was always so goddamn cheerful, pulling that same face every second of the day; his few crooked teeth were on full display as he smiled. Now that he thought about it, Tsukishima could probably draw his face from memory if he really tried, although he definatley wasn't an artist.
Yamaguchi's face is pretty unique. Tsukishima thought to himself. It wasn't everyday where you saw a Japanese kid with a shit-ton of freckles scattered across his nose and cheeks. There's no denying it, Yamaguchi looked different because of them.
Different is better, thats what Tsukishima liked to thin, although probably every loser ever would disagree with him. He remembered when they were younger, and how often Yamaguchi would get bullied because of his freckles. How could you possibly hate something so b-.
Tsukishimas words got stuck in his throat as he stood up from his crouched position, grabbing his shoes. "I-its fine Tadashi. Lets go." He’s been acting like a creep, staring at Yamaguchi all day, and now he cant even fucking talk to him properly. How embarassing of him. Yamaguchi, completely oblivious to Tsukishimas' self deprication, chirped, "Okay!"
They both headed out, shoes in hand, as they rushed to the gym. Yamaguchi had recently been enjoying practice significantly more than usual. He’d been practicing his jump floats as much as he could, often going over to Shimada’s store to practice behind the building with him.
Much to his embarrassment, since he had to actually admit that he needed help, he felt extremely grateful towards Shimada and held him in high esteem, as the man always stayed out late to practice with Yamaguchi, trying his best to help him improve.
Yamaguchi really liked Shimada. He was always apprehensive about talking to those older than him, (especially his upperclassmen, thank god he warmed up to the ones in his team already) but getting close to Shimada was a great decision.
Yamaguchi practically saw him as an older brother by now, the one that he wished he had. Having an older brother in the house to distract him from his mom and step dad's arguing would be a godsend. Shitty convenience store headphones could only be so loud, and smothering his face in pillows until he eventually fell asleep made it hard to breathe sometimes.
Shimada even listened patiently on those certain days when Yamaguchi needed someone to confide in about his unrequited feelings towards Tsukishima.
Although Yamaguchi greatly appreciated the fact that Shimada always lent a listening ear, he would always regret rambling on about his stupid crush as soon as he went home.
His routine usually went: pine over Tsukki at school, go to Shimada Mart and complain that he definitely doesn't like him back, go home and regret he said anything, sob uncontrollably into his pillow until he fell asleep- and repeat.
Some may say that this routine isn’t healthy at all, but Yamaguchi would certainly beg to differ. This was the only way he knew how to cope with his lingering feelings, spending his day with Tsukki, whilst internally trying to convince himself that his feelings would go away soon, that he’s just confused.
Yamaguchi knew that the only reason that he liked Tsukishima was because he cared for him, like how a girlfriend does (even though he doesn't often show it). Definitely not because of his funny, yet sardonic sense of humour, his impressive intelligence, and definitely not because of his tall, lithe, sexy figure and his long fingers.
Gross Yamaguchi. If he had a dollar for every time he watched Tsukki block and instead of paying attention, he zeroed in on his fingers and imagined what else they could do... he'd be able to buy a new gym for the school.
It's unnatural, the feelings Yamaguchi had for Tsukki. It's unnatural, the way Yamaguchi's heart would hammer inside his chest and his breathing would be restricted every time he even so much as thought about the boy. It's unnatural, the way Yamaguchi felt like his life suddenly had colour after being devoid of them when Tsukki revealed that he was gay.
Is that really what he meant though? What if Tsukki was just playing another one of his mean practical jokes on him? Even if Tsukki was gay, it didn't mean that he would immediately decide to jump Yamaguchi's bones and fall involve with him just because he liked guys. Yamaguchi wasn't gay though, he just... Tsukki was different.