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“We’re not gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!”
Van is sitting on the torn leather couch in their living room watching Seinfeld. It’s like, 9:30pm, a Thursday night. Snow is falling outside, it’s February, junior year. They’re cozied up in a blanket, having been watching TV for hours since school ended. It’s about a month until the soccer season starts, so they’ve had a lot of free time recently, spending most of it here in the trailer or hanging out with Tai, their… friend? Girlfriend? They honestly weren’t sure, and that had been a source of anxiety for them recently. They had admitted having feelings for eachother, after making out ‘for fun’ for weeks. Now they’re just sort of… hanging out a ton, and doing all the stuff couples do, when no one else is around, of course. Well, not everything, they kept it PG-13, but, regardless, they hadn’t really talked about what they were. They try to stop thinking about it, it’s not like they would actually do anything, too scared she’d think they’re clingy or weird.
They force themself to pay attention to the show, pulling their blanket tighter around themself. Suddenly, they hear the jingle of keys, three heavy steps up the stairs to the trailer- shit, their mom is home. Why the fuck is their mom home? She’s usually always out… somewhere, especially at night, typically at the bar most evenings. And if she’s coming home early, that means her plans had been interrupted for some reason, so she would not be happy. Van quickly turns the TV off before she gets the door open, hoping not to draw attention to themself sitting on the couch. The door slams open, and Vicky seemingly doesn’t notice them as she barges in, immediately heading to a drawer in the kitchen where they usually keep any extra cash. They hear the drawer open, before making a loud noise as she shoves it closed, making them flinch. Their mom moves to stand in front of the couch.
“Where the fuck is the money?”
”What money?”
“The cash that you stole from the kitchen drawer you little shit, where the fuck is it?”
”I didn’t touch your fucking money, I don’t know where it is. ”
Van gets up to go to their room, hoping to prevent this from escalating, but before they can go Vicky hits them in the face, her palm slamming against the side of their cheek, forcing their head to the side. Van scrambles away, grabbing their backpack sitting next to the couch and bolting out the door after picking up their shoes, not bothering to close it behind them as they fly down the steps and just start running. They didn’t even realize they were doing it until they did it, their legs moving of their own accord as their body went into flight mode. They run down the street away from the trailer as the they swing their bag over their shoulders, hearing their mother screaming after them.
“Get the fuck back here, Vanessa!”
They don’t stop, not knowing where they’re going, not caring, just wanting to get away. They feel their feet pounding on the pavement, the adrenaline starting to fade slightly as they notice the pain from not having shoes on, just socks, and the cold air around them, snow still falling. They feel they’ve gone far enough to stop now, doubting Vicky would even step past the threshold to get them, more concerned about finding cash to buy booze or something else with.
Van leans against a tree, slipping their sneakers on, grateful atleast that their feet aren’t freezing or pressing against the rough ground anymore. Thank god they’re wearing sweats. The chill of the air stings their face, especially where their skin is starting to turn red from their mother’s strike, and below their eyes where they notice tears have fallen. They wipe their face, mind starting to spin thinking about what to do next. They could wait it out, and try to sneak back in the house in a little bit, with the hope that their mom will pass out or leave again soon. But it’s cold out, and if Vicky has no money she’s not drinking or going anywhere.
Tai mentioned her parents were gone for the week, some cruise, she was pissed they went without her. They had planned to hang out sometime that weekend. God, this sucks. Go and bother your sort-of girlfriend, potentially scaring her away with your bullshit, or wait in the fucking snow until your mom is gone or passed out drunk or high. They start running again, choosing to gamble on Tai. She likes them. They know she does. Fuck, but she doesn’t know about this. Not really. She knows their mom sucks, and is gone all the time, but that’s about it. The rhythm of their legs moving helps dull their thinking, focusing on their breath as they run, pumping their arms. It took about 30 minutes to get to Tai’s and by the time they arrive, they’re really freezing, feeling it in their fingertips and all over their face, no doubt flushed red from the cold, possibly even hiding the big mark forming on their cheek.
They make it to her driveway, hesitating at the end, am I really doing this? She might be sleeping. But they’re here already, and don’t feel like running for another 30 minutes, so they make the trek down the driveway, stepping on a light layer of snow forming on it, unshoveled. They make it to the door and ring the bell, stepping back and warming their hands by rubbing them together, looking at the ground awkwardly. They wait for a minute, but just as they go to press the button again the door opens, Tai standing on the other side, surprised as she sees Van, wet and shivering from the snow, standing on her porch.
”Van, oh my god, are you okay???”
”Yeah, uh I’m sorry I didn’t call, umm… can I stay here?” Their gaze drops, so embarrassed, they must seem fucking insane right now.
“Of course, come on, come inside.”
She leads them into the house, closing the door behind them as they come inside.
“What’s going on, Van, what happened?”
They look up at her, trying to find the words to speak, before bursting into tears, Tai quickly wrapping them up in her arms as they start to sob, trying to pull themself together to speak.
”I’m sorry-“
”No, no, you have no reason to be sorry, why would you be sorry? You don’t have to talk until you’re ready, it’s ok, I’m sorry…”
She holds them as they cry, their body heaving, and she rubs their back with her hand to calm them. Once they still and release the tight hold they have around her waist, she backs up to look at them, noticing the irritation that had formed on their face, quite obvious now that they had warmed up from the cold. She gently grabs their jaw and tilts their face to get a better look.
”Who-“
”My mom.”
It comes out way more pathetic sounding than they wanted it to, and they bite their lip to stop from crying again. Tai inhales sharply, an indiscernible expression on her face, her nostrils flaring slightly. She seems to think for a second before speaking again.
“Let’s go upstairs, you can take a shower.”
Van nods once quickly before their gaze slips downwards again, seeing Tai grab their hand in hers before turning around to lead them up the steps to the bathroom, stopping in the hallway to pull two towels from the closet.
“Here.” She places the towels next to the sink with a smile before turning to exit, but Van grabs her wrist before she can go, and she looks back at them, a terrified look on their face.
“Can you stay?”
She nods, smiling gently and sitting on the toilet after she puts the lid down. They step into the shower, pulling the curtain before stripping out of their wet clothes, dropping them outside on the floor before turning the water on, stepping in after it heats up and feeling the warm water calm them, warming them up and relaxing them a bit at the same time, soothing the ache on their face. They wash their hair, wanting to get out all the cold water and feel a bit more normal, before cleaning their body quickly and shutting the water off. They peek their head out from behind the curtain, finding Tai waiting for them on the other side, holding out the towel to wrap them in it, looking away for their privacy. They step out and she pulls the towel around them, holding them in a quick embrace before stepping back, opening the door and leading them to her room, grabbing clean, comfy clothes from her closet, setting them on the bed, then heading to the door.
“Come get me when you’re done? I’ll be right outside.”
They nod and she goes. Van quickly slips into the clothes before they move to open the door, stopping as they catch themself in the mirror, seeing the big red bruise that had formed on the side of their face. It looked bad. Like, really bad. There were visible fingerprints raidiating out from the main mark of Vicky’s palm. They run their fingers against it, pressing lightly, hissing when it predictably hurts. They feel better now, though, much calmer, able to think more clearly, allowing the anxiety to come back in, what the fuck are they doing here. Tai shouldn’t have to deal with any of this. They must have been looking in the mirror for a while, because she knocks on the door.
”Are you okay? Can I come in?”
”Yeah…”
They hear the door click open, and Tai, seeing them at the mirror, goes to them, wrapping her arms around their waist from behind and resting her head on their shoulder, on the uninjured side. They lean back into her, letting their weight fall on her, realizing how fucking tired they are, and how much their legs burn from how long they’ve been running and then standing. They start to cry again, unable to stop it no matter how much they want to, and she starts to press soft kisses on their neck in between sentences.
“Fuck, I’m sorry…”
”Shhh, it’s okay…”
”It’s not, this isn’t your responsibility, you shouldn’t have to-“
”But I want to. Hey, what are girlfriends for?”
Van stills, surprised out of their emotions for a second as they register what she said. She notices them tense.
”I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“
”You wanna be my girlfriend?”
Tai is crushed by the look of genuine surprise and awe on their face as they look through the mirror, before stepping back, turning them around, and gently cupping their good cheek. Then, she’s leaning in and kissing them, slowly and gingerly, with as much adoration as she can muster. They make a small noise, still just sort of bewildered. She breaks the kiss, rubbing their cheek with her thumb, speaking softly.
“Of course I do.” They exhale, taking that in. She speaks again.
“Do you want to be my girlfriend?”
Van’s eyes widen, a conflicted expression, and then their head drops. They speak in a small voice.
”…can I be your boyfriend?”
“Look at me, Van.”
They force themself to.
”Of course you can. Of course you are. My boyfriend.”
She smiles, and a wide grin spreads over their face too, an inexplicable joy filling them. They hadn’t really figured all this gender stuff out yet, and it’s not like they had anyone to talk to about it, other than Tai, so they just sort of do what feels right. And this feels right. She kisses them gently again, both smiling into it.
“Can I braid your hair?”
Van nods, they fucking love when she braids their hair. Van goes to sit on the bed while Tai grabs a hairbrush, hopping up and sitting behind them up against the pillows, legs spread out on either side of them. She begins to separate their hair with her hands, brushing out sections before braiding. They relish in the feeling of her hands on their scalp, gently parting and combing their hair, taking the time to scratch over their head and behind their neck just for comfort.
When she’s done, she moves the braid to one side, pressing a kiss to their shoulder before her arms slide around their waist, hugging them from behind, kissing their neck again, more insistently this time. Van lets their head fall to the side, giving her access to the wide expanse of their throat, and she takes advantage, starting to suck hickeys into their skin. They’d already have to buy concealer for their face, so Tai figures it couldn’t hurt. Van agrees, moaning as she laves over their neck, finding the sensitive spots behind their ear and in the crook of their shoulder. They’re melting even further into her, feeling safe in her arms, the storm of their mind completely calming for the first time all night. Her hands play with the hem of their shirt before whispering softly in their ear.
“Can I touch?”
They nod on an exhale, then gasp as her hands reach under their shirt, caressing the sides of their stomach before continuing to press kisses on their neck and shoulder, moving further downwards. Their head is resting back on her shoulder, just letting her take care them. She’s held up by the pillows and headboard behind her. Van feels so good right now, they’re starting to feel tightness in their core as her fingertips run along their waistband.
“Tai…” It comes out as almost a whimper.
”What’s up?” She asks sweetly.
”I need… I need you to touch me, Tai.”
Her hands still. “Are you sure?”
”Please.”
Tai lightly moves their jaw so they’re looking at her, careful not to be rough with their injured face, looking into their eyes. She connects their lips once again, long and passionate. She doesn’t break the kiss as her hand slips further down, under their waistband and into their boxers, both of them gasping as she finds wetness immediately. Van is immediately a little overwhelmed, pressing their face into her neck. She kisses their head before her fingers find their clit, rubbing lightly. They moan softly into her neck.
“Is that good?”
”Yeah… more please.”
She giggles lightly before speeding up a bit, whines falling out of their mouth, growing louder and more frequent as she continues. Her other hand begins to scratch at their stomach again, elevating their pleasure as they fall further into this.
“Baby, you look so good like this. So fucking handsome, holy shit.”
They moan again, hips starting to buck into her hand, searching for more friction, more force, and she obliges, finding a pretty fast pace at this point. They’re close, panting rhythmically now, face smushed up against Tai’s neck.
“Fuck, Tai, I think, I’m gonna…”
”Let go, I’ve got you.”
They cum, and they feel it in their whole body, their muscles all tensing and relaxing as they gasp and whine against her, rutting up with their hips to ride it out, before slowly calming as she pulls her hand away.
“How do you feel?”
”Good…”
She chuckles lightly, her hands once again rubbing at their stomach. After a couple minutes, Van moves to get up, turning around before leaning in to kiss her this time, straddling one of her legs as they move over her. She returns the kiss, hands resting under their shirt on their back as their hand slips under hers, moving upwards, glancing over the underside of her breast.
“Can I-“
”Yeah.”
Their hand lightly cups her, a thumb slipping up to run over her nipple experimentally, and she moans into their mouth. They keep up with that as their other hand skates downward, looking for consent again, and she nods, so they put their hand in her sweats, finding the waistband of her panties. They move their hand downwards, over her panties, before gently cupping her center, pressing their palm against her clit as she whimpers at the pressure. It’s intoxicating, having her under them, having this much control over her, able to make her crumble like this using just their hands. They whisper in her ear.
“You want me to touch you?”
She nods, pressing up into their hand.
“Can you tell me?”
Electricity courses through Tai, this is even better than she thought it would be, who knew Van could be so…
“Please, I want you to touch me, Van.”
Their hand slips into her underwear, finding her clit and circling gently, and she gasps at the sensation.
“Good?”
”Uh-huh…”
They start to mouth at her neck, wet and hungry, and it elevates the whole thing for her. She wants, they want. She starts to buck into their fingers, encouraging them to go faster, chasing her climax, whining and moaning and pleading. They replace their fingers with their thumb, teasing at her entrance as they keep their pace. They look into her eyes, and she’s so fucking beautiful, all laid out for them, eyes lidded with lust as she pants, looking back at them. They slow down on her clit, moving more sensually.
“Can I…”
She nods, grabbing onto their shoulders. They press a finger inside her, slowly, still gently massaging her clit, and she moans aloud, a new sensation, but it’s nice, and as they start moving, it starts to feel good, adding to the pleasure of their thumb pressing against her. They increase their pace, and she’s whining as they thrust their hand.
“God, Van, that’s so good, don’t fucking stop-“
”I won’t, I’m right here.”
They slip a second finger in her and that’s really good, she feels so full, the stretch is there but that’s also incredible. She reaches her climax, crying out. They work her through it, slowly removing their fingers before removing their hand completely. Then, they’re shifting them both so they’re laying against the bed and her head is pressed to their chest. She fully relaxes into them, sighing deeply, their hand running through her hair and over her back. They lay there together for a few minutes. Tai speaks first.
”That was… fucking incredible.”
”Yeah. I think we’re like… good at that.”
Tai starts to laugh and Van does too, and soon enough they’re kissing again, both basking in their afterglow, cuddling and kissing until they both fall sleep.