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A good plan had many steps and a better plan had even more steps. This was the philosophy Stanford Gleeful subscribed to. But the more steps a plan had, the more complicated it often ended up being. It was therefore important for any aspiring planner to be able to take a step back and admire their plan from a distance in order to maintain a complete overview.
Stanford himself would often make a cup of tea, put on some old vinyl records and sit down in his comfortable leather chair to mentally review the progress he'd made that day. It was also imperative that he be alone during those hours as he found it much easier to concentrate when there was no one around him. This was partially due to the vulnerability that came with closing your eyes and letting your mind wander. Stanford wouldn't allow anyone to be too close to him whenever he let his mind drift.
On this particular day, it seemed he had left the tea brewing for a short bit too long. The taste was bitter but not in a delightful way. It tasted as if the drink itself was trying to get on his nerves.
Another quality of a good planner was the ability to endure. Such a small inconvenience was not going to ruin Stanford's mental review. He would simply rise above the tea's petty attempt at manipulation.
And yet, despite all his best efforts, despite him sending Will and Fiddleford away, despite the wonderful music and despite the mostly savory tea, Stanford couldn't concentrate. His mind kept zigzagging between topics, never really giving him the opportunity to dwell on any of them.
And as if that wasn't bad enough, there was a creeping sense of... something slowly filling up every nook and cranny of his brain. It was as if there was something important he had forgotten and his brain was slowly but surely screaming at him that it was important. He just, for the life of him, could not figure out what it was.
A loud crash came from the next room.
No one should be in the next room.
Quietly, Stanford set his cup down on the little table next to his chair and, equally as quietly, stood up and made his way to the doorway connecting this room to the next. The door in question was always left slightly ajar as closing it completely would produce a noise no one in this house liked. Such were the flaws of old buildings like these.
The upside to this way too old door now however was that Stanford could carefully catch a glimpse of whoever - or whatever - had produced the noise without them - or it - being able to notice him. Not that Stanford thought whoever - or whatever - had caused this ruckus would be able to be any real threat to him - few things in Gravity Falls were - but he liked to always know more about a potential adversary than they knew about him.
What Stanford was able to make out in the other room through the slit between door and frame wasn't much however. Most things seemed to be exactly where they were supposed to be.
Only after carefully pushing the door open a little bit more did he spot it: the vase, a Greek original, knocked down from its stand and shattered into dozens of pieces on the floor, the flowers that had decoratively been propped up inside it strewn about along with soil and some water.
Which meant that whatever intruder he had on his hands here owed him quite a decent amount of money. Not that Stanford needed it, his heritage had easily provided him with enough for the rest of his life, but he did enjoy watching the less fortunate struggle whenever he demanded they pay him his dues.
There was also a small flicker of light that just finished sizzling out of existence as Stanford's eyes fell onto it. It seemed like it had been much larger not too long ago but now, there was no energy left to pick up. Maybe with enough-
The door was ripped open in front of him.
"Ah, just the man I was looking for!"
Stanford barely had time to register what had just happened when the intruder was already pushing his way past him into his study room. It was the Ford variant that had crashed the dating show in the space between dimensions the other night. The one with an ego large enough to refer to himself as God.
Gleeful raked his brain for any possible explanation of why the variant would pay him a visit but none came to mind. This visit certainly wasn't one of positive circumstances. Gleeful highly doubted that the variant had come over just to have a nice chat or to congratulate him on his latest achievements. Which meant this visit was malicious in nature.
"Nice place you've got here!"
But what had Gleeful done to warrant such an action? He had bowed to the variant on their first meeting, had made sure to evacuate the dating show as soon as the variant showed up and in general had stayed out of the other's hair as much as possible. Really, there should be no reason for the variant to invade his dimension like this.
Said variant had meanwhile made his way over to Gleeful's leather chair and let himself fall into it with a small groan. "Oh this thing is delightful."
Maybe he was here to ask for a favour. No, that didn't make any sense. Gleeful couldn't imagine there was anything he could do that the god couldn't do just as well if not better.
The god picked up Gleeful's discarded cup. "Oh, you drink tea?" He took a sip, then grimaced. "I've never been a fan of this stuff. Too bitter. Although..." A smile played around his lips.
Not good.
"Maybe it would taste better if I had some sugar." He leisurely held out his cup, looking expectantly at Gleeful.
A shiver ran down Gleeful's spine at their momentary eye contact. Something about this conversation felt off. The fact that he still hadn't figured out what the other variant wanted from him didn't help his nerves either. He had to ground himself somehow.
Breathe.
They were in his dimension. He had access to all his powers here. Both his brooch and William were within easy reach.
Everything was going to be ok.
Gleeful remembered that the other had asked a question and gestured towards the cabinet that held his tea set. "There's sugar in the little porcelain tin over there."
The variant made no move to get it. He merely glanced over to the cabinet Gleeful had indicated, then back down at the half filled cup and back up at Gleeful. The variant didn't say anything but he didn't need to. Gleeful understood what was asked of him. The question was: should he comply?
On one hand, no. Gleeful had never made tea for anyone that wasn't himself. He actually usually had people who made the tea for him, not the other way around. On the other hand, the variant was his guest. Uninvited, sure, but if his mother had taught him one thing it was to be polite to guests.
Plus also the fact that this 'guest' could destroy dimensions. And that they were currently in Gleeful's favourite dimension.
With as little movement as necessary, Gleeful made his way over to the cabinet, grabbed the sugar and a small spoon and came back to stand slightly diagonally in front of the variant. He carefully balanced a small amount of sugar on the spoon before he realised that in all his pondering he had forgotten to ask.
"How much sugar would you like?"
The variant let his head fall onto the back of the leather chair and closed his eyes.
"Until I say it's enough."
Bitch.
Gleeful dumped the small heap of sugar that was already on the spoon into the cup and carefully collected more.
Now that the other's eyes were no longer on him, Gleeful felt as if he could finally breathe. Where had he been? Ah, yes, right: figuring out what the variant wanted from him. Maybe he was here purely to relax? No, the variant didn't seem like he was here for leisure.
Gleeful put another scoop of sugar into the cup. The variant didn't move.
But if not for leisure then what else? Maybe he was here to take something from Gleeful. Something that only existed in this very dimension. But then why not just ask for it? Maybe it was something the variant assumed Gleeful would never part with. But then why show up in his house at all? Gleeful was certain that if there was something the variant wanted, he could simply take it.
More sugar was scooped into the cup.
Another thing that vastly unsettled Gleeful was the ease with which the variant presented himself. He was unguarded and almost acted as if the two of them were friends. Except they obviously weren't, which meant that the variant's carefree attitude could only be a demonstration of power. The variant didn't think that Gleeful could do him any harm and therefore he didn't see the need to guard himself around his smaller version.
Another spoonful of sugar went into the cup. "That's enough." The variant opened his eyes and sat up straight to take a sip of tea. Gleeful briefly wondered if there was enough tea in the sugar.
But he didn't stick around to witness the other's reaction to the massacred mess. Gleeful instead went back to the cabinet to set the sugar tin back down where it belonged. The cabinet also held an embroidered handkerchief with which Gleeful cleaned the spoon before putting it back to its original place.
All while his mind was still racing at thousands of miles per hour.
If the variant wasn't here for fun, retaliation, leisure or business why was he here at all? No matter what corner of his brain he threw this question into, it always came back unanswered.
"I see William isn't with you today."
All of Gleeful's thoughts stopped abruptly. "Come again?"
"That's the name of your Bill, is it not? Where is he?"
Gleeful steadied himself on the cabinet countertop. "That is none of your business."
The variant chuckled quietly. "Ah, so you do understand."
Gleeful didn't dignify that with a response. Playing mind games with him? Fine, he liked to play. But bringing Will into this was where he drew the line. It was time to get to the bottom of this.
"Why are you here?"
"I've come to ask you something."
"And that is?"
Gleeful made to turn around to face the variant but a hand on his shoulder stopped him, firmly holding him in place. In another timeline Gleeful would have worn his cape. His fluffy, fluffy cape. But alas, that was not the timeline he was in. Which meant that there was nothing obstructing the variant's breath from Gleeful's neck, sending a shiver down his spine.
When had the variant gotten out of the chair?
"I heard you tried to hypnotise my Bill. Is that true?"
Ah.
Well.
Shit.
Time froze.
What was he supposed to say to that?
He couldn't very well say 'Yes, I did!' That answer would guarantee him a world of pain. Touching something the god considered his property and then boasting about it to his face? Yea, no, Gleeful was no idiot, thank you very much.
But he was sure that, were he to deny the accusation, the variant would see through his lie immediately and get mad that Gleeful had dared to attempt to lie to a god. This answer would also ruin his credibility. He wasn't sure if that was relevant in this particular scenario but still, it was something to consider.
Feign ignorance? What was that going to do? It would just make the megalomaniac repeat his question and then Gleeful would find himself in this exact situation again. Still, it might buy him time in case he genuinely couldn't think of anything better.
Attempt to make a run for it? Impossible and futile. On one hand, there was the variant's hand on his shoulder, very much holding him exactly where he was. On the other hand, where would he run to? The variant knew where he lived, they were right there for fucks sake! He couldn't escape and even if he could, it wouldn't be for long.
Apologize? He had never been good at that but he'd make an effort if it meant keeping his life. However, the situation wasn't that dire yet.
So he opted for the option that would buy him time.
"What do you mean?" At the last second he remembered to suck up to the variant. "My Lord?"
The variant barked out a sharp laugh before moving his hand on Gleeful's shoulder to his biceps and hurling him towards the center of the room.
"Oh, don't 'My Lord' me, you know exactly what I'm talking about!"
Gleeful barely managed to catch himself. As he was still scrambling to not lose his footing the variant pulled a small cylinder out from under his robe. The cylinder extended with a flick of the variant's wrist and turned into the frighteningly powerful staff Gleeful had seen him use before.
"The nerve of you! Thinking, what? That I'd just let you get away with this?"
Where there had previously been that weirdly friendly demeanor there was now nothing but malice and pure, unfiltered rage. The variant's eyes bore into Gleeful like a tiger's tooth bore into its prey.
The back of Gleeful's knees painfully made contact with the corner of the low coffee table in his hasty attempt to put more distance between the two of them. A futile effort as the variant was already closing that distance, his staff opening at the top to reveal the power stored within.
"I mean- not that I like the Dream Captor guy, don't get me wrong, he's getting on my nerves any chance he gets, but at least the man stands and fights, you know?" the angry god continued as he cornered Gleeful. "At least he's ready and willing to be beat up after crossing me. But you?"
At that the glowing spear was thrust in Gleeful's face, causing him to stumble and ultimately fall in his attempt to avoid its swing. The only option left to Gleeful down here on the floor was to slowly crawl backwards. Until even that option was taken away from him as he reached the room's far wall.
"You think you can test your creepy powers on my Bill, harm him and then what? Weasel your way out of the situation while I'm busy beating up someone else? You think that there'll be no repercussions? That I'd forget ?"
As the staff began to slowly spin in Gleeful's face he realised that this was now the point where the situation was that dire. He had to play all of his cards if he wanted to make it out of this. And that unfortunately included...
Gleeful raised his hands and bowed his head. "My deepest apologies." With his current position it was impossible for him to see the variant's reaction. He just had to hope that things were going his way.
"It was never my intention to cause any harm. I saw the contest as an opportunity to demonstrate my powers, but in a controlled manner. I never would have used them in any way that would have caused any harm to your Bill. I am sorry."
The variant didn't respond. Gleeful didn't do this sort of thing often but weren't you usually supposed to respond after someone apologises to you? Either a ' I accept your apology ' or a ' I do not accept your apology, die ' would have been fine. But instead he got nothing. Oh well, if the variant wasn't going to fill the silence then Gleeful might as well.
But not from down here.
He lowered his hands onto the ground for balance as he carefully slid his legs underneath himself and made to stand up. "Maybe we can-"
" Down! " The variant slammed his staff into Gleeful's shoulder, forcing him back down onto his knees.
So that hadn't worked out. What else was there for him to do?
It didn't seem fair, on a cosmic scale, for his story to end here. It would have to end one day, all stories did, but like this? With no fanfare and no buildup? On his knees at someone else's mercy? This didn't seem like a satisfying end at all!
Gleeful barely heard the variant's next remark, that was how quietly it had been whispered.
"Look at me. Look me in the eyes as I end your pathetic and worthless existence."
Gleeful's eyes lifted on their own, instantly making contact with the god's own behind his visor. A satisfied smirk appeared on the other's visage.
Looking directly into the other's eyes caused a certain subroutine of Gleeful's brain to start running. It was really more a force of habit rather than an active choice. Similar to how children who played too much Tetris started thinking about how everyday objects would have to be arranged to form a full row, Gleeful's brain, upon making eye contact with the variant, immediately started thinking about how best to hypnotise this guy.
But that was ridiculous. The man in front of him was infinitely more powerful than him and, should Gleeful ever try anything, could obliterate him in an instant. Then again, that wasn't very different from his current situation. And they were in Gleeful's dimension, with him having full access to all of his powers. The way the variant was acting also implied that he wasn't expecting any push back.
Still, utterly ridiculous.
And yet, Gleeful found himself reaching for William.
There he was, physically quite far away but spiritually eternally near Gleeful due to their bond. It seemed reckless, idiotic even, to think about attempting such a feat but what else was Gleeful supposed to do?
He had quite literally run out of all other options. He had even apologised !!
Gleeful held his breath as he silently called upon the ancient magic that had been used to seal their pact. A small flicker of resistance reared its head before abruptly dispersing upon noticing who it was that was making this call. As soon as all the power of the cosmos was laid bare before Gleeful he grabbed as much of it as he could and felt it begin coursing through his bloodstream.
Simultaneously he used his brooch to fully assess the amount of energy this variant was about to unleash on him. It was a lot. A lot a lot. Far more than he (or the brooch) could ever dream of withstanding. Which meant that absorbing the energy to make the incoming blast non-lethal was out of the question. But maybe he'd be able to absorb a small bit of energy, targeted at whatever defenses the other had put up, to make his work with own powers a tad easier.
Tapping into the variant's power was akin to reaching into a pond of boiling water. Gleeful had no choice but to do the equivalent of scooping up some of the boiling water with his bare hands, causing quite uncomfortable amounts of pain. But he wouldn't be where he was today if he didn't know how to keep a straight face during an ordeal such as this.
And his efforts seemed to pay off: For just a split second, Gleeful was sure that he saw the visor on the other man's face flicker, its wearer too distracted by his own wrath to notice.
With that the stage was set and it was time for Gleeful to give the performance of his life.
But where to begin? It was highly unlikely that Gleeful was going to be able to get full control over the other, despite all the preparations he had taken. It was also not very well advised. The second the variant figured out that Gleeful was playing dirty it would be over for him. Whatever it was that he was about to do, it would have to be undetectable. His safest bet was going to be steering the variant's thoughts away from murder.
Gleeful steadied himself and carefully reached towards the other with his magic. He made sure that his voice was clear and audible, enunciating every single syllable with special care.
"I've wronged you."
The variant hissed back at him. "That you have."
"I hurt someone who is important to you."
"You did."
"You should put me in my place."
"That's what I'm here for." The variant slightly raised his staff, whether as a reminder or as a threat wasn't entirely clear.
Gleeful did his best not to flinch. He couldn't allow himself to falter already. Worming his way into the other's head and disguising his thoughts as the other's own was the easy part, for fucks sake! If he was already struggling with this then he was truly doomed. He had to focus!
"You're much more powerful than me. You could kill me easily."
"I could kill you easily."
"You're so much more powerful than me. I'm not even a threat."
Gleeful carefully twisted the strands of magic he had managed to weave into the variant's head, slowly directing his thoughts the way one might direct a paddle boat on a river. Steering them the way Gleeful wanted but never going fully against the stream.
"You're not even a threat."
The variant's hold on his staff loosened slightly, causing the staff to dip and no longer point in Gleeful's face. He didn't allow himself to feel any relief just yet though. There was still work left to be done.
"You're much more powerful than me. Killing me wouldn't even feel satisfying."
"Killing you wouldn't even feel satisfying."
Gleeful barely even dared to blink while holding eye contact with the variant the entire time. Which was why he immediately noticed the blue glow laying itself over the other's eyes, making them appear dull and nearly life-less. Usually Gleeful was able to ensure that his influence on other people was not visible to an outside observer. It seemed that with the amount of energy currently at play however, that was no longer possible. Luckily for him there was no one around to fool but fate.
Not only was there no one around to fool there was also no one around to embarrass oneself in front of. Which meant that Gleeful could sink as low as he wanted if he deemed it useful without having to worry about anyone's perception of him.
"Look at me. On my knees, at your feet. This is where I belong."
Gleeful tilted his head to the side, bearing his neck for good measure, never once breaking eye contact. This was not how humans showed subservience but it was the thought that counted.
"This is where you belong."
"Look at how scared I am. Remember how I trembled in fear before you. I learned my lesson."
"You learned your lesson."
Were Gleeful's eyes playing tricks on him or were the variant's eyelids drooping?
"I am no threat. Killing me wouldn't feel satisfying. I learned my lesson."
"You are no threat. Killing you wouldn't feel satisfying. You learned your lesson."
Time to get to the point.
"You don't want to kill me."
The variant stayed silent, unfocused eyes staring straight into Gleeful's own. It seemed he was having trouble processing the things Gleeful had just said. After a short while the variant blinked a couple of times, the gloss lifting from his eyes and clarity seemingly returning.
Shit.
If he allowed the variant to regain full consciousness the guy would no doubt put two and two together and kill Gleeful before he could even plead for his life.
Gleeful used all of the power available to him (somewhere out there William was probably wondering why Stanford needed so much energy, but that wasn't important right now) to strengthen the threads he had already woven into the other's mind as well as add about twice as many more, completely wrapping the variant's mind in comforting wool.
The effects were visible nearly instantly: The variant's face, previously contorted in thought, had relaxed and was now holding a much more serene expression. The variant's body as a whole appeared a lot more relaxed, even his shoulders had slumped.
Gleeful tried again from another angle.
"The multiverse is dangerous. It could never hurt to have an ally."
"Couldn't hurt... ally."
Oh dear, maybe he had overdone it. Then again the variant had proven that if Gleeful didn't use 100% of his powers he would be able to break free.
"You've already defeated me. I am no threat. I could be your ally."
"You could be... ally."
"Killing your ally would be a bad idea. You do not want to kill me."
The variant remained silent for a moment longer than Gleeful would have preferred. He was not going to give him time to think for himself again.
"I could be a useful ally. In order for an ally to be useful they have to remain alive. I have to remain alive."
"You have to... remain."
"You do not want to kill me."
"I do not... want to kill you."
Upon feeling a wave of relief rush through his body Gleeful scolded himself: He wasn't out of danger quite yet.
"We are allies, you and I. We would never do anything to hurt one another."
"Wouldn't... Hurt."
"Whatever made you think I had hurt you must've been pretty stupid. There's no need to remember it."
This one was pretty ballsy and was probably not going to last for long. But maybe it would last long enough for the variant to no longer be mad about it by the time he remembered.
"No... need..."
"You want to leave this dimension and go back to whatever it was you were doing before."
"Want to.. go."
Gleeful acted surprised. "You want to go?"
The variant slowly nodded.
"In that case I won't hold you any longer. Have a wonderful rest of your day!"
Gleeful tried to bow as much as one could while kneeling on the floor and holding eye contact.
The variant blinked a couple of times before turning around and opening a portal out of this dimension.
One last idea popped into Gleeful's mind.
"You don't want to ever come back here again."
The variant paused in front of the portal, standing perfectly still for a couple of seconds before slowly turning his head back towards Gleeful.
"I will go... wherever I damn well please." He murmured before stepping through the rift. Ah, well, it had been worth a shot.
But now they had reached the moment Gleeful had been dreading the past couple of minutes, the moment of truth: The variant had just left this dimension, meaning he had also left the influence of Gleeful and any power William could have possibly extended. In a worst-case-scenario the variant would step through the rift, regain full consciousness and clarity and then come back to Gleeful's dimension with a fury previously unknown to humans.
In the best-case-scenario the variant's mind absorbed all of Gleeful's suggestions like gospel and they were now actually allies.
In the most-likely-scenario the variant would probably forget about Gleeful and his dimension and go back to playing all powerful God.
All Gleeful could do now was wait.
Wait and get off of the floor and back on his feet so that if the variant really was coming to kill him, Gleeful would at least be granted the honour of dying standing.
Any second now the variant was bound to come to his senses.
Any second now.
Any second.
After about sixty seconds of no furious God breaking down his door Stanford fell into his leather chair, feeling all of the stress accumulated over the last hour leave his body. He had actually managed to survive this fiasco!
Stanford made a mental note to make sure to be a lot more careful around things or objects the God might consider his property.
He absentmindedly took a sip of his tea and immediately spat it back out. Saying it was sweet was not doing the flavour justice. The tea tasted as if the concept of glucose itself had been turned into a beverage. On top of that a heap of soggy sugar had gathered at the bottom of the cup and was now sliding into the mouth of anyone foolish enough to attempt to drink this concoction.
Stanford let out an exasperated sigh as he let his head hit the headrest of his chair. William was going to have to make more tea later. Stanford had no energy left for that.