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Frank had a harrowed look on his face and a deep frown on his forehead that never seemed to ease up. Mel had her own patients to take care of, but every time she saw him, her stomach cramped painfully and an ache shot through her chest. She knew that meant she cared about him, maybe (most definitely) more than she should. But that wasn’t important right now. She decided to approach him after their shift to see if there was anything she could do for him, as a friend. Because that's what they were now, friends. They had pretty much gotten along – and gotten each other – over the course of her first shift in the Pitt, and she had been pleasantly surprised when he'd asked her whether she wanted to visit him while he was in rehab.
By now, Frank had been back and clean for three months, and Mel could tell he was struggling with overextension. She had read that addicts in recovery needed to develop new, healthy coping mechanisms for their stress – and their emotions, which could feel new and overwhelming to them, unfiltered and raw as they now were. She wasn't sure how well Frank was getting on with that. He was letting her in a bit, more than any of their other colleagues, but she knew he felt like he had to deal with his 'shit', as he said it, by himself.
“Mel, you have enough on your plate with the job and your studies. I can't put my issues on top of that,” he'd said. Mel disagreed. Especially now that Frank's divorce was being finalized. She wanted to be there for him, and she was confident enough in their friendship by now that she believed he wanted that as well, but just didn't know how to ask for it.
That's why she waited for him by his locker at the end of the day, already in her street clothes. He had a debrief at the end of every shift with a counselor since getting back, as part of his probation agreement. Sometimes it seemed like those meetings just caused more stress than relief. Today was no different.
When Frank approached his locker, he didn't notice her right-away, staring into space. Mel fidgeted with her hands and hoped this was the right call as she stepped into his line of vision. Frank seemed to look right through her for a second before visibly shaking himself awake and forcing a smile on his face.
“Mel, you're still here! Everything okay?”
Mel sighed. “I'm okay, yes, thank you. I wanted to see how you were.” Frank's face did something complicated.
“You know me! Always on top of everything!” Mel frowned. Before she could say something, Frank deflated. “Sorry, sarcasm. It's all just a bit much right now. But I don't wanna burden you.”
Mel frowned harder. “But we're friends!”, she exclaimed. “I want you to burden me!”
Frank looked at her. She forced herself to look back. She couldn't really get behind his defenses, but he looked like he was in pain. Mel felt that ache again and wanted to help him more than anything.
One thing she had learned about Frank was that he was a tactile person and appreciated, even craved, physical touch. While Mel didn't share that longing to the same extent, she had gotten more comfortable touching him and even enjoyed it, so she used that knowledge now to to place a careful hand on his shoulder.
She gently moved her hand back and forth in a stroking motion. When Frank shuddered underneath her hand, Mel pulled back in surprise. Frank let out an audible whine at that and his face turned a deep red, up to his ears. Interesting! Mel touched his shoulder again and resumed the petting. Frank visibly relaxed. His shoulders lost some of their tension, his face evened out, he closed his eyes. Mel internally congratulated herself on a job well done.
Calming Frank done via touching became Mel's new mission. She hoped that, eventually, this would make him comfortable enough to open up to her about his problems more, but for now, she was satisfied with getting him to relax and let his guard down – at least physically – for a few moments everyday. A part of herself was very proud of having unlocked something new both in their relationship and in Frank's psyche that benefited him. And herself as well, surprisingly! Making another person feel good, or at least better, gave her a warm feeling in her chest and stomach that she wanted to chase, and she relished being allowed to touch him more than she had anticipated.
Mel learned how to read Frank better every day. When he hadn't had a chance to sit down all day and take a break, she waited for him by his locker with a bottle of water and a chocolate or cereal bar, and she sat down on the floor, inviting him to do the same. There they often sat, shoulder to shoulder, either in silence or in low conversation. Often, Frank would ask her to tell him something new, and Mel would tell him about something she'd read or heard in a podcast. He would ask questions and listen intently while she held him or touched him in some way. Mel explored his reactions to different touches. Holding his bicep was good, but not as good as putting an arm around his shoulders. That made the tension he carried there really bleed out. Touching his thigh had been a misfire. He'd flinched and pulled his knees into his chest and once again turned crimson. Mel wasn't sure what to make of that one. That's why she stayed above the belt from then on.
When Frank saved a patient or had a brilliant idea, he usually looked around as if waiting for approval and praise. In the hectic environment of the ER, that rarely came his way, making him bow his head, disappointed. Mel made sure to smile and nod at him when she noticed his searching eyes, and when she was close, she tried a few different things. High-Fives were a bit awkward, but very fun. For Frank, however, they seemed over too soon, so she usually went for the familiar stroking of his shoulder. He always perked up after those, and still blushed, curiously.
After a while, his eyes sought her out specifically whenever he wished for approval or comfort. Mel didn't think he was doing so consciously, but she was flattered and satisfied nevertheless.
At the end of a particularly busy shift in which Frank had been especially brilliant, in Mel's opinion, she waited for him after his debrief with his favorite chocolate bar, already looking forward to their little ritual. So when Frank approached her, looking more upset than content, she quickly stood up, confused and concerned. Barely looking at her, Frank leaned his head against his locker. Carefully, Mel reached out and started petting his shoulder blade.
“Did something happen?”, she asked while continuing the motion. Frank shivered under her hand. “Just, the fucking debriefs, man. Nothing I do is enough, apparently.” He straightened up. “Shit, sorry, I” –
“No, it's okay, it's okay”, Mel hurried to say. She cautiously took a step closer to him. Her hand was at his neck by now, her face underneath his. Frank let out a deep sigh and suddenly let his head flop forward, onto her shoulder. Mel tried not to let her surprise impact her movements, and switched over to scratch the back of his neck and run her fingers through his hair above it. Frank gave the shudder that she knew by now meant pleasure.
“I watched you today, and you did so well,” she whispered, wanting to help him more. She felt a bit awkward but blabbered on. “You helped all your patients today and were so good with all of them. You were brilliant and patient. You are kind and smart and I am so lucky to get to work with you, and I notice that every day. It doesn't matter what the others say. You're doing so good, you're so good.”
Frank shivered the entire time she spoke and let out a small whimper. Then he abruptly straightened up and turned to his locker again. His ear was bright red. Were there tear tracks on his face? Mel wasn't sure, and Frank refused to look at her, his whole body angling away from her.
“Thank you, uh, thank you so much. That's really nice of you. I just, I just remembered I have to go, I'll see you tomorrow. Okay, bye!”
Before Mel could react, he had grabbed his clothes and backpack from his locker and stormed out, still in his scrubs. Mel looked down at the chocolate bar in her hands and wondered what she had done wrong, and whether she had ruined everything. Tears were threatening to escape, but she held them back until she sat on the bus home. What had she been thinking, talking to her colleague like that, in such an intimate position? Even if they were friends, she was sure to have crossed a line. Shame flooded her entire body, and she couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. She hated crying in public; she felt so embarrassed that she cried even more. With shaking hands, she put in her headphones and selected ‘calming ocean sounds’ to listen to. She wiped her face with the backs of her hands and then wiped her hands on a tissue. Deep breath in and out. First thing tomorrow, she was going to apologize to Frank. This didn’t have to be the end of everything.
Apologizing was a more difficult affair than she had anticipated because Frank did his very best to avoid her the entire next shift. He barely even looked at her. With every hour that passed, Mel felt heavier. So, this was the end of everything, after all. At least, the end of their friendship and their great working relationship. McKay, whose area Mel worked in today, was a great teacher and doctor, no question, but she wasn’t Frank.
She did notice that something about Mel was off today, however, and suggested she take five outside. Mel hated that this was necessary, that she was so emotional and affected – and so terrible at hiding that she was upset. She dialed Becca, who picked up right-away.
“Mel, I’m so happy you’re calling! We went swimming today, and later tonight I’m allowed to watch a documentary about sweet water fish!”
Mel had to smile despite herself. “That’s awesome, Becca! I can’t wait to hear all about the new facts you learn tonight!” Becca laughed happily, then she paused. “Melly, aren’t you at work?”
Mel nodded slowly and tried to keep her voice steady. “Yeah, I am. I just wanted to hear your voice and see you.”
Becca frowned. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”
Tears started forming in Mel’s eyes against her will. “I guess I’m just a bit sad, so I wanted to talk to you. Because you always make me feel better!”
“Oh, Mel! What’s wrong?”
Mel closed her eyes. “I think I did something bad and ruined my best friendship here at work. I was stupid, and now my friend is avoiding me, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
“I’m so sorry, Melly.” Becca looked sad. Mel gave her a watery smile. “It’s okay, Becs. As long as I have you, it’s all okay.”
When Mel walked back into the ER, her eyes still felt a bit wet, and she was sure they were red, but she could breathe a little easier, confident that she could get through the rest of the shift. Frank came from the right and almost walked into her. “Shit, sorry, I need to look where I’m going!” For the first time that day, he looked at her face. Now, Mel was the one to avoid his gaze. “It’s okay,” she mumbled. “I need to get back to McKay.” She walked two steps before she was held back by a hand on her arm. “Mel,” Frank’s voice was low. “Can I talk to you later? Will you wait for me?”
Both relief and fear flooded Mel. She nodded quickly. Saying, “Yes, of course”, she pulled her arm away and kept walking. She felt the loss of their touch acutely.
She tried not to think too much about what Frank might want to talk about, but every time her mind wasn’t on a patient, it wandered to Frank. Mel even asked McKay for additional tasks. What she would give for picking gravel out of a wound right now, or suturing a really long, clean cut!
When she saw Frank approach her at the end of the shift, while she was standing at his locker like every other day before, her heart started beating faster. “Mel”, he said, and then nothing else. Mel waited, but he didn’t say anything else. “Yes?”, she asked. Frank sighed and rubbed his face.
“How about, I get changed and we go outside? I need some fresh air and some privacy, I think.” Mel nodded anxiously. “Okay, I’ll go ahead and wait for you outside.” Outside, she sat down on a bench by the parking lot and tried to calm her breathing. Her hands were fidgeting. To calm her anxiety, she started listing all the colors of the cars she could see in the parking lot: gray, black, gray, blue, blue, blue, red. White, so dirty it was basically also gray, yellow, black, black… She got so absorbed in her task that she didn’t hear Frank approach. She only noticed him when he sat down beside her heavily, which made her jump a little. “Sorry, I didn’t wanna scare you,” he said, and then went quiet again.
“It’s okay”, Mel replied quietly. Maybe she should get this started. “About yesterday, I am so, so sorry if I made you uncomfortable or crossed a line. I really didn’t mean to, I just wanted to be there for you and I” – Frank made a choked little sound and interrupted her.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Mel closed her mouth. That took the wind out of her sails. She looked over at him, confused. Their eyes met for the first time that day. Mel had no idea how to read Frank’s expression. She looked away first. She heard Frank take a deep breath in, and braced herself.
“I should be the one to apologize. I didn’t mean to ignore you today, I just didn’t know how to deal with… But I hurt you, and I’m sorry. And you deserve an explanation for my running away yesterday.” He paused. Mel looked up and at his profile. There was a deep furrow on his forehead. She wanted to smooth it out with her fingers, but she wasn’t sure she was still allowed.
Frank continued, “God, there’s no good was to say this. I got…quite emotional yesterday. You holding me and talking to me like you did…it moved me. In a lot of different ways. And I was a bit shocked at how much. I mean, I knew that you meant a lot to me and that you developed like, your own language to talk to me, I just hadn’t realized the scope. Of how I felt about all that. Until yesterday.“
Nothing could have prepared Mel for that speech. She wasn’t sure she understood correctly. “What?”, was the only thing she managed to get out.
Frank sighed and hid his face in his hands. “God, Mel”, he said into his hands. “The way you touch me and talk to me…it drives me crazy. You make me feel so good, it’s like you can see inside me. I feel bare. And I have no idea what to do about it. It’s like you unlocked something in me that makes me ashamed to look at. Ever since I got clean, I’ve been having a hard time dealing with my emotions and external stressors. Everything feels like too much all the time. Just…you make me feel grounded and like things can be simple, for once.”
Mel was shocked speechless. Her mind was blank. She still wasn’t entirely sure what he was talking about. But seeing Frank, vulnerable, his eyes still hidden, his shoulders hunched up, she felt the deep need to comfort him, and she knew how to do that by now. She inched closer to him until their thighs were pressed together, and put one arm around his shoulder, her hand on the back of his neck. Like yesterday, she started softly scratching his skin and running her fingers through his hair. Frank shuddered, almost violently.
“You’re not disgusted with me?” His voice was small. Mel got more confused with every word that he said. She spoke carefully. “No. I’m still not completely sure what you’re talking about, but I don’t think I could ever be disgusted with you. I want to be there for you. And if this is one way I can do that, I would be very happy to. If you can tell me what you need, I want to give it to you.”
Frank made a sound that Mel could only describe as a whimper. “Just…keep doing that, please. And…if it ever gets too much for you, please say so immediately. Can you promise that?” He turned his head to look at her insistently. His eyes were red. Mel swallowed thickly. This moment felt significant, even though she still wasn’t sure why. She looked back at him, flitting between his eyes and the bridge of his nose. “I promise.”
The rest of the tension Frank had still carried seemed to be let out of him like air out of a balloon. His face evened out. Slowly, like he was waiting for Mel to stop him, he leaned towards her until his head was pillowed on her thigh. Mel’s breath stuttered, but she remembered that he’d asked her to just continue what she was doing, so she resumed her scratching and petting. The weight of a grown man in her lap was strange and unfamiliar, but not unwelcome. It reminded her of the weighted blanket she sometimes used at home. Safe. Her own tension and anxiety that she had dragged around all day long began to dissipate. There was still a weird feeling in her chest, but it wasn’t unpleasant.
Mel wasn’t sure for how long they remained in this position, but eventually, her legs started falling asleep. Reluctantly, she began shifting. “Hmmm?”, Frank murmured drowsily. “Hey, h-hey” – had she just almost called him honey? She really had to go to bed – “you. Do you think we’re good to go home for tonight?”
Frank turned around and put his face into her stomach. He pawed at her back. Mel got hot all over. The feeling in her chest intensified. “Come on now”, she tried again. Frank sat up, seemingly determined to hold onto as much of her as possible in the process, his head moving along her chest to her shoulder and the crook of her neck. His cheek was right next to hers. Mel had trouble breathing. But this wasn’t anxiety or overstimulation. And she enjoyed his closeness, she knew that much. It didn’t leave many other explanations. Jesus. She couldn’t deal with that tonight as well.
Acting on a sudden idea, Mel grabbed some of Frank’s hair and pulled. He whined, but followed the direction she was giving him, sitting upright. Despite the dissatisfied noise, his face was slack. Interesting. She felt heat rush to her groin. Dear god. Mel moved her hand to his cheek and gently patted it. “It’s time to go. Are you ready to go?” Frank pulled a face, but nodded.
Mel was starting to understand something. “Good, good”, she praised him. A pleased smile formed on his face.
On the way home, Mel felt both excited and out of her depth. Fortunately, they both had the following day off, which would give her enough time to do some research. She started googling on her phone, but stopped when receiving a message from her sister. For the rest of the ride, they were exchanging messages, which calmed Mel down a bit. At home, she was tempted to continue the googling, but a look at the time stopped her in her tracks. It was almost midnight, and if she messed up her sleep schedule tonight, she would struggle with a lack of sleep for the rest of the week.
The next morning, Mel sat down in front of her laptop with her daily cup of coffee, a spiral-bound notebook next to it, her hair in a comfortable bun, comfiest sweater on and headphones over her ears. She selected Good News on Spotify and started googling, trying to put the pieces together that her last interactions with Frank had presented. “Praising and petting” didn’t deliver any useful results. Was it a “praise kink” maybe? But that would mean it had a sexual component, which Mel wasn’t sure about. The way Frank blushed could signify arousal, but it could also be embarrassment. Before running away from her two days ago, he had angled his body away from her in an almost unnatural way. That could mean he wanted to hide his arousal, perhaps?
“Be a good boy”, said one of the article headlines she was scrolling through. Imagining saying those words to Frank made heat flood her entire body. It made Mel think of how close she had come to say that to him. “You’re doing so good, you’re so good”, she had said, and Frank had made whimpering noises and then run away. Looking at that sequence of events logically could indicate something had happened within Frank at those words that had made him so ashamed that he’d run away. He had said so himself. It wasn’t a stretch to suspect arousal played a role.
Element 1: Praise kink, she wrote down.
Open questions: intense physical contact initiated (petting, stroking, hugging, close proximity); positive effect of hair-pulling and giving commands?
This rang a bell. On a sudden inspiration, she typed in “pet play” and scrolled through the Wikipedia article for “animal roleplay”. The terms “BDSM” and “dominant/submissive relationship” jumped out at her, but she scrolled on.
“Like much of erotic play and roleplay, animal roleplay in an erotic or relational context is entirely defined by the people involved and by their mood and interests at the time of play. It ranges from the simple imitation of a vocal "whinnying" of a horse to the barking, panting or playful nudging of a puppy, or playful behaviour of a kitten, to crawling around on all fours and being fed, or petted, by hand.”
Mel was hesitant to assign anything to her friend and co-worker without talking about it further, but “playful nudging” and “being petted” pretty much described what had happened between them, to some extent.
“Some people enjoy being able to "cut loose" into a different, or more dynamic personality. In some cases, pet play is seen as a loving, quiet cuddling time where there is no need for verbalizations and the simple act of stroking, rubbing and holding the other partner is satisfying or reassuring in and of itself for those involved.”
She remembered what Frank had said about things feeling “simple” and how she grounded him. And she recalled how the tension had left him at her touch, the slack look of his face when she had pulled his hair.
Next, she clicked on the linked “pup play” article. Out of the listed animals, Frank most reminded her of a dog when she really thought about it. Through Wikipedia, she found a few scientific articles and studies, which referenced further readings. The more she read, the clearer the image in her mind became. This could really work for Frank! If this was a way in which she could help her friend unwind and achieve a relaxed, open headspace, she was willing to try it. That’s the kind of friend she was.
She couldn’t completely suppress how their interactions had made her feel (warm all over. Safe. Caring. Really, really good.), but decided to put all that on the backburner with the rest of her feelings for Frank that didn’t neatly fit into the ‘friendship’ framework they operated in. Was it risky to incorporate a kinky element into this friendship in which she had already developed feelings that went beyond it? Especially if she was right about arousal playing a role? Sure. But she was willing to try it. For her friend. As a friend.
When her phone alarm rang to notify her of getting ready to meet Becca, she had a list of quotes and ideas on her notepad that she would present to Frank at the right opportunity. This was going to be good, surely.
The day after, Mel was buzzing with excitement – and anxiety. As much as she was convinced of her idea and the benefits it could bring Frank – and herself, really – she couldn’t estimate his reaction. She already knew that the whole thing embarrassed him, so she had to make sure to address it in a good moment. After their shift, probably, outside of the hospital. Maybe they could go for a walk in the parking lot; that way they didn’t have to look at each other the whole time, which might make the talking easier. Yes, that was her plan. Waiting for 12 hours seemed like an eternity, but she was a professional. She would make it work.
Mel was very happy that their working relationship seemed to have returned to normal after their talk two days ago. Despite their differences in nature, they worked really well together. Mel thought they complemented and challenged each other in a really satisfying way, and she was continually impressed watching Frank work. So she spent the first part of the day either walking with Frank, caring for patients, or catching up with him about their patients. It was a busy day, so the first 8 of the dreaded 12 hours went by rather quickly.
In a brief moment of quiet, she gathered up her courage and asked Frank whether he had time to go for a walk with her after their shift for a conversation. He had laughed and said, “Ooh, am I in trouble?”, which he immediately clarified was a joke. But Mel could tell the question made him nervous from his eyes scanning her frantically and the frown on his forehead.
“It’s nothing bad!”, she was quick to reassure him. “At least, I hope it isn’t. I’m actually pretty excited!” At that, Frank raised his eyebrows. “Alright, mark me down as intrigued! Shall we meet in front of the locker room after work?” Mel gave him a quick thumbs-up and hurried over to Robby, who was making gestures at her.
Robby stole her away for the remainder of the shift, so that Mel barely saw Frank before he left for his debrief. Waiting by the door to the locker room by herself, awkwardly waving and saying goodbye to everyone exiting it to go home, she was getting more nervous by the minute.
“King, you waiting for someone special? Did we have plans?” Trinity looked at her expectantly. Mel spluttered. “Did we? I don’t…think so? And what does ‘someone special’ even mean?” Trinity just laughed at her. “Don’t get your panties in a twist, Professor. I’m just teasing ya. You’re probably waiting for Langdon. Don’t think nobody noticed you two shacking up every night!” Mel was speechless.
“At least someone wants to shack up with us”, Frank’s voice said from behind them. Mel literally jumped in the air. Trinity pulled a face at him, Frank made a face back. Mel sighed at their antics. “Let’s go, shall we? See you tomorrow, Trinity!” She grabbed Frank’s arm and pulled him away.
“That was mean”, she told Frank, who just shrugged. Mel frowned at her shoes until he held the door open for her, which made her soften. They walked in silence for a moment. “So”, Frank hesitantly spoke up. “What did you want to talk about?”
Mel had to collect herself for a moment. “Right, that. You see, I did some research after our last conversation because it gave me a few ideas, and I’ve come up with some things that we could try. To, you know, connect to that more, whatever we’ve been plugging into. And I have a theory that I would like to discuss with you. If you’re open to it.”
She glanced at him to gauge his reaction. Frank looked puzzled, maybe a bit concerned? “Go on”, he said slowly.
“Okay, stop me if I’m crossing any lines or making you uncomfortable, but I’ve noticed that you thrive on a specific form of physical touch and positive affirmation. Praise, you could say. And you seem to have really strong emotional and physical reactions to these elements that you are then ashamed of. Am I correct so far?”
Frank nodded. A blush was starting to creep up his neck and face. Mel decided to just get it out. “I think that you have both a praise kink and a certain nature that would thrive in a pup play scenario-” Before she could continue, she heard a choking sound next to her, followed by a violent coughing fit.
Mel stopped in her tracks and turned to Frank, concerned. “Are you alright?” Her hands flailed uselessly in the air. Frank was bent forward, still coughing. His face was flushed scarlet. “Do you need a Heimlich or something?” Frank waved her off, still wheezing. His face was streaked with tears. “Jesus Christ, Mel”, he gasped out.
“Why? Was that so shocking to you?” Mel was dumbfounded. She had thought that he knew these things about himself and trusted her with them. Frank stared at her with wide eyes. “Yes! Yes, it was!”
“Well, but was I wrong?” She wasn’t willing to let it go just yet. Frank gesticulated wildly, pointlessly before pressing out, “No? But…” He trailed off. Mel feared this was going all wrong. Insistently, she took Frank’s hands in hers. “Listen. I know this is hard for you, but let me do this for you. Please. If there is even one small part of you that believes I might be unto something, please give this a chance. I want to be there for you if you’d just let me.”
His hands were twitching like he wasn’t sure what to do with them, whether to pull away or hold onto her. Mel looked up and tried to catch his gaze. She didn’t let go once she established eye contact. This was important, she could feel it. His eyes were really a remarkable shade of blue, and so big, she realized, not for the first time. She wasn’t sure what he was looking for in her eyes, but he seemed to find it. He returned the grip of her hands and nodded. “Okay. This feels unreal, but okay. I trust you.”
A smile was spreading on Mel’s face, she couldn’t contain it. She swayed from side to side from excitement. “I’m so, so happy!”, she exclaimed. “We should make a plan for when and where we’ll meet and what elements you want to experiment with! I have a few suggestions, but you get to decide, of course. I don’t know if you’ve ever looked into this stuff before, but if you want more information on all this, I put together a bibliography I’d be happy to share.”
“Of course you did”, Frank replied faintly. He returned her smile, but it looked a little wobbly. Mel started gently rubbing circles on the backs of his hands and took half a step closer to him, so they were only inches apart. She felt her own heartbeat speed up at the proximity. “It’s okay”, she murmured, hoping to sound reassuring. “I’m so proud of you. And thank you for letting me in this way. You’re so good. And you’re allowed to let go a bit.”
Frank exhaled shakily. Mel noticed that his eyes looked a bit shiny. “Is this okay for you?”, she asked in the same low voice. He nodded with strong, jerky movements. “Yes. Yes.” He puffed out more air and closed his eyes. “It’s just a lot. But it feels good, so good. I – thank you, for everything. I never could’ve imagined that I would get to have what you’re offering.”
“I’m glad”, she replied, her voice firm. “Are you ready to drive yourself home already or do you need something else tonight? It’s a bit late to get started properly, and a parking lot surely isn’t the place for it.”
“You’re probably right about that. I don’t know what you have in store for me, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to do it out in the open.” His laugh sounded self-conscious. On a whim, Mel transferred Frank’s right hand on top of his left, still being held by her own right hand. With her free left hand, she reached up to cup his cheek. Frank melted into her touch, the frown around his eyes smoothed out. Mel was amazed over and over what effect her touch had on her friend.
She decided to take charge. “Let’s meet up on Friday, when we’re both off. You can come to my place, or I can come to yours. And let’s go home now, okay? Shall we hug before we go? Would you be okay with that?”
Frank looked at her in wonder. “I would, but would you be okay with that?” Mel cocked her head. She hadn’t actually thought about that. Maybe she had to examine her own boundaries and wishes more closely going forward. After a moment of deliberation, she nodded. “Yes, I would be. I would like that, I think.”
Hesitantly, they let go of each other’s hands. For a moment, neither seemed sure where to put their limbs, but then Mel reached her arms around his waist and Frank put his around her shoulders. She put her head in the crook of his neck. This was nice. She could get used to this. Frank’s chest was wide and firm, and he smelled like a breezy aftershave that wasn’t overpowering his natural scent or her sensitive nose. His arms around her gave her a nice barrier around her body that felt safe.
On the bus home, Mel smiled discreetly into the collar of her jacket. She had never experienced feelings this intense before, neither for her friends, nor for her ex-boyfriend or any of her crushes. She knew that this should scare her more, the depth of her feelings and of their connection, and this new and uncharted territory they were starting to explore, but it felt so natural, so pleasurable and safe, that she failed to discover fear in herself.
Friday couldn’t come fast enough, in Mel’s opinion. But she noticed that Frank already seemed a little lighter at work, a spring in his step that was reminiscent of his pre-rehab days. They still met up for a few minutes at the end of each shift, just to check in with each other and connect physically. Mel had gotten so used to it that she wouldn’t want to do without it anymore. Frank seemed to feel the same way.
Trinity seemed to default to raising her eyebrows at Mel whenever she saw her interacting with Frank, which unsettled Mel. When Frank rushed towards and past them on Thursday morning, he addressed only Mel. “Biker was hit by a car, multiple fractures, head laceration. King, you’re with me.” He threw a pair of gloves at her that she just so caught. Mel could’ve sworn she heard Trinity mutter, “Playing favorites” disdainfully, but she was already hurrying to catch up with Frank.
Before they said goodbye that night, Frank lingered. He darted quick looks around before leaning closer to her. “We’re on for tomorrow at your place, right? 11 am?” At her assent, he nodded, feigning nonchalance. “Cool. So…” He opened his arms for a hug that Mel stepped into eagerly. All too soon, in Mel’s opinion, Frank pulled back. He seemed contrite, gazing over Mel’s shoulder. Confused, she turned around, looking straight at Robby who seemed to try and fail to get his baffled expression under control. He gave them a two-finger wave and shook his head while getting into his car.
Frank’s delicate relationship with Robby was another one of the topics he avoided talking about but was clearly affected by. Mel thought that he looked pained, gazing after Robby’s departing car. She didn’t know how to ask about it, so she put one arm back around his waist and pressed herself into his side. “We’re not doing anything wrong”, she reassured him. “He was probably just surprised.” “Yeah…I just wish he’d talk to me.” Frank sounded a little forlorn. Mel took his hand and squeezed it, hopefully comfortingly. Once again, she noticed how much was weighing on Frank that he didn’t feel he could talk about. It made her conviction even stronger that he needed her help to ease up and eventually open up. She just hoped he hadn’t been discouraged by what he might perceive as his mentor’s disapproval.
The next morning, Mel felt more nervous than she had since they had made the plan to meet. She kept tidying and cleaning her apartment, which was already pretty neat, and wondered what Frank would think about her cobbled together furniture, her wall full of art postcards and photographs of Becca and a few friends, the portrait of Megan Thee Stallion and fanart of Doctor Who that graced some of the other walls. Her research was on the table, next to a glass bottle of water and two glasses and a small vase with a single tulip that she had bought at the farmer’s market.
Before she could rearrange the objects on the table, the doorbell rang. Mel buzzed Frank up and nervously started chewing on her lip. When Frank came into view, he looked as nervous as she felt. She waved at him and let him in. He took off his shoes at the door without her having to ask, which she appreciated.
“Welcome to my humble abode”, Mel said – and instantly regretted how awkward she sounded. “Do you want a cup of tea maybe, or a coffee? I don’t really drink soda, but I have some orange juice? And snacks, do you want snacks? Are you laughing at me?” Frank covered his mouth, but his eyes were all crinkly from mirth. “No, no”, he tried. “You’re just so…I’m really happy to see you, that’s all. You’re a delight.” Mel wasn’t sure whether that was sarcastic, but she decided to believe him. “Thank you? Now, do you want anything? Or should we just get started with”, she swallowed, “kink negotiation?”
Frank blanched. “A cup of tea would be great, actually.”
When Mel came back from the kitchen with a pot of organic chamomile tea with honey, Frank stared at the first page of her notepad. Mel carefully placed the pot and cups next to it. Frank looked up at her. “You weren’t kidding about doing your research.”
Mel frowned. “No, why would I do that?” When Frank didn’t seem inclined to answer that, she decided to get to the point. “Now, where do you wanna start? Are you comfortable telling me a bit more about the things that you wish for, things that I have done that you liked, or that you imagine you might like?”
Frank twisted his hands. “I like pretty much everything you do”, he muttered. That wouldn’t do. “You’ll have to be more specific, please”, Mel replied patiently.
“Jesus, okay.” Now he was rubbing his hands on his jeans. “When you touch me in any way, really. But what really…clicked for me was the thing you did with my neck. And my hair” –
“The pulling?”
“I meant the playing, but. Yes, the pulling, too.” A blush had crept up his neck and face and now reached the tips of his ears.
“But I would pretty much be open to any and all touching. With you. As long as you’re also comfortable.” He didn’t look at her. Mel reached out and grabbed his hand. “That’s good, we can work with that.” Somehow, Frank got even redder.
“And the talking, the praising, as you called it, is. Well. That’s also really doing something for me.”
Mel decided to get started with affirmations right-away. “Good, good. You’re doing such a good job right now. How do you feel about receiving, you know, commands? And about physically copying puppy-like movements, like getting down on all fours? Depending on how that works with your back, of course. I already know you like nuzzling. Are you okay?”
Frank exhaled a shaky laugh. “Yeah, this is just…a lot. This is crazy, I feel crazy saying this, but I think I would be willing to try. Pretty much anything.”
“How about a collar and a leash?” Frank choked. Mel started rubbing his back, expecting another coughing fit, but he managed to keep it in. He nodded and gasped out, “Sure, why not. But maybe not immediately.”
“That’s great! I haven’t bought anything yet, I didn’t wanna be presumptuous, but I’ve looked at a few websites.” Frank seemed too stunned to speak, so Mel continued. “So, from what I’ve been reading, and the dynamic we’ve established so far, I assume I would take the role of the ‘handler’, and you’d be the pup. And we can just jump in and try to get acquainted with those roles, and if anything comes up that one of us wants or doesn’t want, we take a beat and talk about it.”
Mel realized she was talking a lot, but she couldn’t stop. “I could do a presentation on the definition, context, history, and benefits of pup play, but maybe that’s not all that relevant right now. I think it’s going to help me a lot to get into it, but if you don’t need it, we could just get started?”
Frank nodded. He looked a bit dazed. Mel touched his forehead. “Are you sure you’re alright? You look a bit strange.” He just nodded again.
Suddenly, Mel remembered something she’d been trying to ignore. “Oh, I forgot. We should definitely talk about the sexual aspect of this. It doesn’t have to be sexual, is what I’ve learned, but it is very often the case. Our relationship hasn’t had a sexual component so far, so this is definitely something we have to talk about before we get started.”
She tried to be diplomatic. “I think I would be willing to incorporate sexual aspects if that is something you wish for. I hope I’m not overstepping, but I got the impression that this has the potential to arouse you. Right?” She felt a bit guilty about keeping her own romantic and sexual feelings for him to herself while putting his in the spotlight, but she didn’t know how to have that conversation right now on top of everything else. It would just make it messy. And anyway, his feelings surely were not about her specifically, but about the roleplay scenario and the praise and touches. So, really, this was fine.
Frank laughed, a bit breathlessly. “I think we’re very far beyond worries about overstepping. Shit. God. Yes, you’re right. There is an…arousal factor. So. That might, you know, happen, and the question is how we deal with that in the moment. I would…not be opposed to acting on that arousal. With you. Or you acting on me. But only if you genuinely want to.”
“I do”, was Mel’s simple answer. Frank looked at her in wonder. “Where did you come from?”, he asked, and immediately tacked on, “That was a rhetorical question. I just…I’m so glad to have met you.” Mel smiled, pleased. “Me too.”
For a moment, they just smiled at each other stupidly.
Another thought hit Mel. “Oh, I think where I draw the line is getting my face licked. I don’t think I would enjoy that.” Frank laughed. “That’s alright, I think we can manage without licking.” Something about the look on her face made him stop. “What?”
“Well”, Mel said, “I didn’t say I was opposed to all kinds of licking. Just the face is an issue. Other body parts could be fine. Good, even. I think.” Frank groaned. “Jesus Christ. Okay. So. What now?”
Mel’s hand was still resting on his back. Slowly, she started moving it again. “You could come a little closer, if you’d like. You could rest your head on my legs again. You seemed to like that. And we can just keep it small and simple for today. Should we move to the couch, maybe?” Frank seemed to deliberate his options for a moment.
“Actually, I would like to try something.” He looked at her as if asking for permission. Mel nodded at him encouragingly. Frank took a deep breath in and sank from the chair to his knees. He tenderly laid down his head on her knees. Mel started running her fingers through his hair, which made Frank shiver and inch even closer, his head now pillowed on her thigh. He sighed and seemed content to stay like this for now. Mel relished the quiet and the comforting weight of him. This was really relaxing. Who needed chamomile tea when they had a Frank to lay on top of them?
After a few minutes, Frank started shifting. His face twisted in discomfort. “What’s wrong?” Mel asked, concerned. “My knees are starting to hurt a bit. I guess I’m not sixteen anymore.”
“Let me get you a blanket or a pillow, then! And let’s try for you to sit differently. Wait here”, she instructed. Before they broke contact, she leaned forward and kissed the crown of his head. Butterflies erupted in her stomach, but Mel was determined to stay focused. She got up and collected a blanket and two differently shaped pillows for Frank to try. He settled on sitting to the side of her chair, on a blanket and one pillow, his weight more on his hip and thighs than on his knees, and put the other pillow between his knees.
“Better?”, Mel asked. Frank nodded. With a gesture, she invited him to touch her again. His head went back on her thigh, and his arms around her waist. Mel’s breath stuttered. She could feel Frank’s warm breath through the fabric of her t-shirt on her stomach. Her hands settled back on his head and neck, resuming her gentle movements.
She started forming ideas for affirmations she wanted to try out. In a low voice, she started talking to him. “I’m so proud of you for speaking up about your discomfort. It’s so good to look out for yourself. And to let me take care of you. I know how hard that is for you. You think you need to figure everything out on your own. But right now, you let me in, to be there for you. And that’s amazing. You’re doing so well. You’re so open and trusting right now, so vulnerable. You’re so good.” Mentally, she catalogued the tiny changes in Frank at her words, his gripping and then releasing of her shirt, his breathing stuttering and then getting deeper, the goosebumps erupting on his neck and arms.
He shivered and moved his face even closer to her stomach. Mel felt the same shiver come over her. His reaction was so encouraging that she decided to go even further. Reading these words online had felt incredibly awkward, but she hadn’t been able to deny that despite her embarrassment, she had felt heat rush through her entire body at the thought of saying them to Frank.
“You’re so good for me. You’re such a good boy, all for me.” Frank let out a whimper that went straight to Mel’s groin. Christ. Suddenly, Frank moved backwards. Fear shot through Mel. Had she crossed a line, ruined everything? But Frank bowed his head and nudged her shins. Mel opened her legs a bit. Frank rubbed his cheek on her left shin, then on her right, keeping his head between her legs. Mel leaned forward to reach his back, and started scratching it with both hands.
“Such a good boy”, she whispered again. Frank grabbed her ankles – not very puppy-like, but Mel wasn’t complaining – and pushed forward, his head now between her thighs. Mel had the insane thought that she wondered whether he could smell her right now, and couldn’t prevent reflexively pressing her thighs together, trapping his head between them. Frank moaned. Mel hoped that had been a good sound and not a sign of discomfort. She decided to ask. “Was that a good or bad sound?” Frank replied, “Good”, in a breathless and raspy voice.
Mel felt dizzy. She should really look up some more affirmations, because she was running out of things to say. But Frank didn’t seem bothered. He had started panting and pressed ever closer to her. This wasn’t going the way Mel had imagined it. She had expected some petting and cuddling, maybe some playing on the floor. Not Frank’s nose basically in her crotch, with wetness starting to collect just inches away from him. Mel was shocked by how much she craved more contact, for Frank to take off her pants and – but something was holding her back. It was going too fast for Mel’s brain. She decided to take charge and change course. She took a handful of Frank’s hair and pulled. He followed her direction and lifted his head with a moan.
She took a moment to take in his appearance. His hair was tousled, his face flushed, eyes half-lidded. Her eyes wandered down. She wasn’t sure, looking at the jeans he was wearing, but he might be hard underneath. Mel swallowed thickly. That hadn’t taken much.
“Look at you”, she whispered, in awe. “So good and willing for me.” Would it get easier with time to say things like that? “Do you want me to join you on the floor? We can play a bit, cuddle better? Hm?” Frank looked up at her, his face open and trusting. He nodded. Mel maneuvered herself to the floor without letting go of his hair.
As soon as they were on eye-level, Frank tried to pull out of her grip and move towards her body. She let him, only gently petting his hair instead of holding onto it. Frank buried his face in her neck. Suddenly, she felt his hot breath on her neck. It was a strange sensation but not unwelcome, she decided. She started moving her hands along his body, paying close attention to his reactions. His sides seemed to be ticklish, but his back and shoulders were spots where he welcomed touch. Mel indulged him for a while before venturing to the front of his body. Frank reacted by laying down on his back with a sigh, granting Mel more access. She used both of her hands to stroke the planes of his chest and stomach, marveling at the muscles and fat she could feel. She got a bit distracted by exploring his body for her own enjoyment. When Frank sighed again with a smile on his face, she was pulled back to her mission. Right, pet play.
She continued caressing his upper body, carefully observing him. After a few minutes, he turned onto his stomach with a groan and pressed his hips to the floor. Mel cocked her head. Seeking friction because…She tenderly put her hands on his lower back and inched her way around his hips to his belt buckle. She hesitated, unsure if this was okay, but Frank lifted his hips, giving her more space to open his belt and fly.
“I would…not be opposed to acting on that arousal. With you. Or you acting on me”, he had said earlier. With growing conviction, Mel made short work of his pants and pulled them down. Frank sighed out again. “You’re so good for me, such a good boy. Will you let me touch you?” In response, Frank arched his back and nodded jerkily.
Mel took a deep breath and closed her hand around Frank’s erect cock. He moaned. The angle felt a bit awkward, but Mel tried her best to establish a rhythm with her hand, taking into account the movements of Frank’s hips. It wasn’t an easy task, and Mel was intensely focused. When his hips started stuttering, she used one of her fingers to stroke over the slit on top, and Frank promptly came all over her hand. And the floor. Oh. She should have prepared for the possibility of that happening and put a towel under, but she had been so focused on the task at hand that she hadn’t realized. Frank whined and dropped his head onto his elbows. Mel started – she was still holding his now soft cock. Gently, she let go. She rubbed Frank’s back soothingly, but was too distracted by the mess to do it for long.
With cracking knees, she got up off the floor and soon came back with a roll of paper towels, a cleaning rag, and a towel for Frank. She helped Frank turn over on his side and wiped him down. His face looked blissed out and relaxed. Mel debated helping him to the couch first before cleaning up, but he looked content enough to wait for a minute.
She took quick, effective care of the mess, disposed of the towels, washed her hands, and finally returned to her friend who hadn’t moved a muscle. Mel took a second to really take him in. An ache shot through her chest. He must trust her so much to let go like this. Carefully, she lowered herself onto the floor again and gently touched his cheek. He blinked his eyes open blearily.
“You were so good for me, so willing and trusting”, she whispered. “Do you want to get up for me? We can cuddle on the couch?” Frank nodded. After helping him up, she pulled his pants back up which should have felt weirder than it did. It reminded her of the countless times he had closed her sterile scrubs for her, helped her into a jacket, held open doors for her. This felt a bit like getting even.
Together, they padded over to the couch and settled down. It took a moment to organize all of their limbs comfortably, but eventually, Frank had his arm around her shoulders, Mel hers around his waist, and her head on his chest. Only now, she realized how exhausted she was, and how much his touch grounded her right now. She was surprised at herself – usually, when she felt too much or was really spent, she needed physical space and room to breathe. But this was different, somehow.
She wasn’t sure whether she should say something right now or let him speak first if he needed to. She decided to listen to his heartbeat and his breaths, which both slowed down and evened out the longer they were lying together. Until he took a quick breath in. Mel tensed.
“So, that was intense”, Frank started. Mel nodded into his chest and waited for more. “And also kind of weird, but. I liked it. I finally feel like I can breathe normally again, you know. And my brain has quieted down a bit. So. Thank you.”
Mel smiled to herself. “I’m glad. I liked it, too, even though it wasn’t the way I had planned it. I didn’t think we would go there in our first session. But it felt right.” She looked up. Frank was already looking back at her. He nodded. She wasn’t sure how to read his face at this moment. “What are you thinking?”, she asked carefully.
“Just…what a wonder you are, Mel King. You are probably the best thing I got going on in my life right now.” Mel frowned. “Do you want to elaborate? Because that doesn’t sound healthy”, she prodded. Frank sighed and wiped his hand down his face. “It’s too much at once, but ever since Robby found out, everything’s changed. My family, work, how people look at me. My perception of myself, even. And how I go through life. How I experience emotions. I hadn’t realized how hopped-up and numb I was most of the time until it all stopped. Sometimes, it feels like too much to bear.” He looked at the ceiling, evading her eyes. Mel felt that ache in her chest again. She reached out and touched his face.
“You’re doing so well”, she tried, “and I’m amazed at you every day. I have been ever since we first met, and it never changed, you know. You make me better, a better doctor, a better friend. And I’m so glad you told me all this. Thank you for trusting me.” She was still stroking his cheek. Wetness brushed up against her fingers. She didn’t comment, just continued caressing him and holding him tight.
It took them a while, but after some time – it might have been hours, Mel had no idea – they entangled themselves from each other and decided to order pizza. When Mel excitedly told Frank about going to see Becca later, he had a thoughtful expression on his face. “I could drop you off at her facility, if you want”, he offered. “I would also love to meet her one of these days.” Mel hesitated. “I would love for the two of you to meet. But Becca would need to have a say about the time and place. I can’t spring this on her just a few hours in advance.”
“Of course, of course!”, Frank hurried to say. “It was just an idea. And I can still drive you, then you just need to take the bus once. If you want.” Mel was touched that he’d go out of his way like that. He looked so earnest that she felt comfortable enough to agree.
Their conversation didn’t seem to run dry, even after short moments of silence. Mel always cherished the natural breaks in conversation that other people often found uncomfortable, but Frank didn’t seem bothered by them either. He seemed so at home and settled in her presence, in her home, on her couch, his legs in her lap, that Mel got all warm thinking about it. The ache in her chest was a constant companion today.
After a look at her DVD collection from Frank (“I didn’t realize people from your generation still bought DVDs”, he’d said lightly. “You’re not that much older than me”, Mel’s retort had been. That felt important to point out for some reason. “And anyway, physical media is more reliable than streaming. And I’m really bad at piracy. I dabble, but I can’t do it full-time”, she’d explained, prompting a raised eyebrow. “You dabble in piracy? My, my, King, you’re full of surprises.” Mel wasn’t sure whether he was joking.), they were engaged in a serious discussion about which Blade Runner movie was better, when Mel’s phone rang.
“Oh, that’s my alarm to get ready to leave”, she said, almost disappointed that her time with Frank was coming to an end. But at the same time, she needed some time and space to process this day and how she was feeling about it. And she was looking forward to seeing Becca. Even though she wasn’t sure how to explain to her sister how she’d spent the first part of the day. She didn’t want to lie to her, but she would edit a bit, probably.
Together, they cleared away the pizza cartons and washed the dishes. Mel didn’t like leaving dirty dishes around, and Frank had offered to dry without her even mentioning she wanted to clean up. Standing side by side doing a household chore, Mel was hit with the thought that she could get used to this. She chastised herself immediately. Don’t get any ideas, she told herself, even when she thought to see her own longing mirrored in Frank’s expression at times.
On the car ride, Frank let her pick the music, so that they bopped along to Alligator Bites Never Heal. Frank seemed to enjoy it and exclaimed that he’d have to listen to the whole mixtape again when he got the chance. Mel was more pleased about that than she cared to admit.
They hugged awkwardly over the center console when saying goodbye. Mel watched his car drive away in what she thought was an unnecessary act of sentimentality, but she couldn’t help herself. When he disappeared behind a turn in the road, she finally turned around and walked into the building of Becca’s facility.
On Saturday morning, Mel felt energized and motivated. Spending time with her two favorite people – because that’s who Becca and Frank were to her – had really given her new strength to face a weekend of work. Trinity, who looked more asleep than not, frowned when she approached. “You look almost disgustingly happy. Did you get laid or something?” Mel’s smile fell. She stuttered. “No, why would you- No, can’t I be in a good mood? I mean, I, I don’t even…” Dr Collins, who passed them, saved her. “Santos, isn’t it too early for needling? King, it’s great that you’re in a good mood. We need more of that around here”, she said pointedly and moved on to her locker. Trinity looked offended, but Mel turned away from her to get changed.
She managed to avoid further questioning by rushing out of the locker room and pretending to be absorbed by the patient information board. Vomiting, fractured wrist, severed fingers, head trauma…A touch on her left shoulder made her flinch – and immediately relax when she noticed that Frank had sidled up to her. “Good morning, Dr. King”, he said in a low voice. Surprised at this greeting, but going along with it, Mel responded in earnest. “Good morning, Dr. Langdon!”
“Did you have a good day off yesterday?”, Frank asked, puzzling Mel. They had spent most of the day together, so why would he ask? She looked at him and saw his gaze already resting on her face, one eyebrow raised. Was this a game? She could play along. “I did, thank you. It was very nice. And you?”
“Nice”, he repeated. “My day was excellent, thank you for asking. Couldn’t have been better, actually.” Mel flushed. Before she could think of something to reply – maybe ‘nice’ hadn’t been a good choice of words? – Trinity made a noise of disgust behind them. “Is this flirting for dummies?” She scoffed. “Get a room.”
“Just making conversation”, Frank replied coolly. “You should try it sometime, Santos.” Before Trinity could respond, Dana joined their little group. “Easy, easy, kids! It is too early for this cockfighting. Pick your patients and get out of my hair.” She shooed them away. Frank walked away backwards, grinning cockily at Mel who only frowned. She basically saw it coming when he almost crashed into Robby. Frank stumbled, his smile dropped. Mel watched the whole thing, still frowning. Maybe Frank needed some light admonishment along with the praise.
After their shift, Mel walked Frank back to his car. “You alright? You’re quiet”, Frank noted. Mel hummed. “Just thinking. At times, I get the feeling you’re basically asking to be scolded. Are you?” Frank huffed out a laugh. “I’m sorry?”
“Well, we both know you want praise. But you also like a little hair-pulling. So. It’s not an unreasonable conclusion to come to that you might react well to being told what to do. Get told off. So you can be a real good boy again afterwards.” Mel was truly just thinking out loud, making connections in real time. It took her a second to realize Frank was no longer beside her. She stopped and turned around. His face looked weird, like he was holding in a fart.
Mel sighed and walked back over to him. “Talk to me. What’s going on in that head?” She tapped his temple. When she moved her hand away, his head followed it. Aching to be touched. She moved her hand back to his face, cupping his cheek. He sighed and closed his eyes.
“You always say these things like they’re not a big deal. You read my…desires back to me and I have no idea how to react to that.”
“So you want to try it?”, Mel asked, for clarification. Frank nodded into her hand. God, Mel was out of her depth here. She reverted to what she knew, moving her hand into his hair and tugging. Frank’s mouth dropped open. “We only have a half shift on Monday. You will drive us to my place afterwards. Until then, you won’t touch yourself. Is that clear?” Mel just hoped her voice hadn’t sounded too shaky. But going by Frank’s reaction, she had done everything right. He was nodding with his mouth still agape, his cheeks dusted with a blush, his eyes shiny. Mel held a finger under his chin and guided his mouth closed.
“Good”, she said with more confidence. “You will be such a good boy for me, won’t you?” Frank nodded again, eagerly. “Now you will get into your car and calm down for a few minutes, and then drive yourself home. Okay?” That wasn’t a very sexy command, but Frank didn’t look like he should be driving right now. Mel felt powerful in a way she never had before. She helped guide him to his car and wrung her hands. Should she just leave? Would he be okay? What could she possibly say now for a goodbye? Her overthinking was interrupted by one of her hands being grabbed. Frank looked at her, already a little clearer again. “You’re a wonder, King”, he said lowly. “I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.” Mel exhaled shakily. “Me too.” She squeezed his hand, then let go and waved while walking away. Just like Frank this morning. She was lucky she wasn’t hit by a car or stumbled over her own feet. It felt a lot like happiness.
The next day, Frank whispered into her ear, “I followed your orders, but it was very hard”, instead of a greeting. Mel flinched and looked around to see if anyone else might have heard. “Jesus, Frank! Please behave yourself.” He did a mock salute. “Yes, ma’am!” Mel had the distinct feeling he didn’t take this very seriously. She had to come up with something good for tomorrow. But for now, she had to look at a rash on a butt.
Monday morning found her in a Garcia-Langdon ‘banter’, as they called it, but it was getting on her nerves. They were being loud and distracting while she had her hands in a patient, pressing down on a bleeding artery. “Can you two please shut up or take this somewhere else? It’s getting really old, and I kind of have more important things to deal with here!”, she snapped. “Ooh, okay, King got fire!”, Garcia laughed. Mel rolled her eyes and looked at Frank who had gotten quiet. “Dr. Langdon?”, she prompted. “A little help here, please?” She hated talking to her colleagues like that, but she was on her last legs today. Becca had had a panic attack yesterday right before Mel arrived at her facility, and was still calming down, unable to talk to Mel. She had just sat at her bedside for two hours, watching her doze off after getting a sedative, which she hated. Because of her worry, she hadn’t slept very well. And now this.
Frank was watching her closely, a frown on his face, his eyes wide. He did what she asked of him without comment, but followed her when she rushed outside as soon as the patient went up to the OR. “Frank, please, I’m sorry if I was being inappropriate to two higher-ranking doctors just now, I know that. I just need a moment.” She focused on taking deep breaths.
“I’m not here to tell you off, Mel. I’m here to see if you’re okay. Or if I can help you in any way.” His voice sounded so gentle it kind of made Mel want to cry. She shook her head. “Okay, I’m going to hug you now, is that okay?” She shrugged and nodded at the same time. It wouldn’t really be appropriate to hug right now, but maybe ‘appropriate’ wasn’t an adequate measure for them anymore. His long arms enveloped her, softly enough that she could pull away at any time. ‘I had a really bad night”, she mumbled into Frank’s scrubs. “I’m sorry for taking it out on you.” She heard him snort. “I deserved it, let’s be real. And it was kinda hot. But I’m sorry about the bad night.” He gently rubbed her back. There was too much going on at once for Mel to process. Had he just called her hot? Which shouldn’t matter because she was still upset.
“Do you want to talk about it?”, Frank asked tentatively. Mel shrugged. “It’s my sister. I think I better call her.” She stepped out of the hug, feeling cold at once. Frank gave her an encouraging smile. “I’ll cover for you. Take your time.” With that, he walked away. “Thank you!”, Mel shouted, too late for him to hear.
After talking to Becca and making sure she was doing better, Mel felt a little lighter. She gave Frank a thumbs-up when she walked back into the ER – he smiled in relief. The rest of the day was easier, but she still felt exhausted and too emotional. Frank seemed to sense that and suggested he drive her to see Becca when they got into the car.
“But…we had plans”, Mel protested weakly. “You call the shots, King”, Frank’s reply was. “I’m just making suggestions and driving the car. If you really want us to go home right now and make me walk on my knees, I will do that. But I thought that might not be what you need most right now.” He sounded so sincere. Warmth flooded Mel’s body. With all the changes in their relationship, she was kind of relieved they were still first and foremost best friends who looked out for each other. She smiled at Frank gratefully. “I would love to see my sister, actually. Thank you.” He returned her smile and started the car.
“What are you doing tonight, though? Do you maybe wanna come over later?” She was glad when Frank said, “I’d love to”, and reached over to tangle their fingers together.
When he picked her up again a few hours later, Mel was more centered. Becca had recovered well from yesterday and had been really happy to see her. That’s what she told Frank as she got in the car. His smile in return was fond and pleased. They drove in comfortable silence for a while, which Frank eventually broke by clearing his throat. “What were you thinking for tonight? What do you feel up for? We don’t have to, you know, do anything, we could also just order food and watch a film.”
Mel smiled out of the window. “Thank you for that. But I think I would like to try a few things, if you’re also still up for it.” Frank agreed, and Mel’s brain immediately went into planning mode, letting go of the worries of the past 24 hours. As soon as she let them into her apartment, she turned towards Frank. “Go and wash your hands”, she ordered. “Then get down on your knees and come to me.” Frank’s eyes sparkled and he eagerly went into the bathroom. Mel washed her hands in the kitchen and chewed her lip. She just wasn’t sure she’d be any good at this, but she did feel a rush when he did what she told him to.
Soon, she heard shuffling, and went into the living room, seeing Frank crawl in on all fours from the bathroom. He looked up at her, open and trusting, waiting for her command. Heat kept flooding Mel’s body. “Good boy”, she started. Frank preened. “But you like making trouble, don’t you? You like egging people on and act without thinking? Always running headfirst wherever you wanna go.” She slowly walked towards him and grabbed a handful of his hair. Frank whimpered. “So much trouble”, she murmured. “Whatever shall I do with you? Do you know how to follow commands and do what you’re told?” Frank nodded; his mouth was agape, his tongue peeking out.
“Alright, let’s see if that’s true. Sit!” He immediately obeyed and sat down back on his heels. Mel petted his hair. “Good, good! Now shake!” He raised his right hand and laid it on top of her left. She gently stroked the back of his hand and looked up into his eyes – her breath stuttered. Frank looked straight back at her with a severity in his face that surprised her. She let go of his hand. “Good boy.” Her gaze searched the room and landed on a box of tissue. She got up to grab it and then tossed it into the corner of the room. “Go fetch!”
Watching her friend and colleague crawl around her living room, picking up a box with his teeth and bringing it to her was definitely the weirdest part of Mel’s day. And in the morning, she had pulled a cucumber out of somebody’s anus. But this was more fun. She threw the box a few more times, generously petting Frank whenever he brought it back to her. When she got tired, she leaned back against the couch and motioned Frank to come closer. “You’re such a good boy for me, yes you are! For being so good, you can come in my lap and get some cuddles! Come here!” Frank climbed into her lap, his body a welcome weight. She started scratching and petting him wherever she could reach and kept muttering affirmations. Frank made small sounds, sighs and whimpers, and rubbed his head against her shoulder. When he shifted a bit, Mel suddenly felt something hard against her thigh. She grabbed Frank’s hips to keep him there. “You were so good for me. Do you want to do get some relief?” He nodded, his face hidden in her neck. “You can move against me, come on. Don’t be shy.”
Slowly, he began rocking his hips back and forth, dragging his crotch along her thigh. His sounds became more desperate, whimpers mixing with moans, until his hips stuttered and stilled. Mel kept holding him and whispering nonsense in his ear until he lifted his head. She pushed his hair back from his face, which was flushed and relaxed.
“You okay?” He nodded, not yet able to speak again. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” With stiff legs, they got up and walked over to the bathroom, leaning on each other. When Frank cleaned up and slipped into a large pair of men’s boxers and sweatpants that were way too short (Mel’s comfort clothes), he started laughing quietly. Mel couldn’t help but giggle. “What is it?”, she asked, confused but delighted. Frank’s laughter got louder and he held onto her shoulder, barely able to catch his breath. “Just, this is so absurd”, he gasped. “I love it, I love that this is my life now. I love you.” He was still laughing, but Mel froze. She must have misheard. And even if not, he meant as friends, right? He had to. Because he was right, this was absurd.
Frank’s laughter ebbed out. He touched her cheek. “Hey, where did you go?” Mel shook herself. “Nowhere, just zoned out, sorry.” She smiled awkwardly. Frank was still touching her. „How about I make you my famous spaghetti with tomato sauce?”, he suggested. “I think we both need to refuel.” When she nodded, he took her hand and walked them over to the kitchen. She watched Frank as he opened all of her cupboards and started chopping onions.
“The secret is adding honey to the onions.” He pointed a spatula at her. “My kids think I’m a genius for this invention and you will too, just you wait! Lots of fresh tomatoes, usually some fresh herbs, but –”, he looked around, “frozen will do as well. Simple, but effective!” Mel couldn’t help but smile watching him bounce around her kitchen like he belonged there. The ache in her chest at that thought was an old friend at this point.
“How are your kids?”, she asked cautiously. This was the first time he had mentioned them in a while without her bringing them up first. “They’re okay. I was really worried this was going to ruin them for life, but I don’t think I’ve managed to screw it all up irreparably after all.” His laugh sounded bitter. She got up and put a hand on the back of his neck. “No, really. They still love me, and we’re still a family, even though I only see them every two weeks at the moment. But I hope we’ll see each other more often in the future. Abby is becoming more amiable, too. So. It’s better than I expected.”
Mel gently ran her fingers through his hair. Frank hummed and leaned into the touch while stirring the sauce. “How about you, how are you and Becca managing? Is it just the two of you?” “Yeah, it has been for about ten years, now. After our mom died, we stayed with a foster family until we were both of age, and we’ve been on our own since. But we’ve always managed because we had each other. She’s my best friend, you know.” Frank smiled at her. “Does she know about us?”
Mel puffed up her cheeks. “That’s complicated”, she decided on. “She knows that we’re close friends and that you’re really important to me, but I haven’t told her any details about how we spend our time together.” She omitted that Becca had asked her more than once whether Frank was her boyfriend. Frank chuckled. “I understand. I think that might be hard to explain. So, I’m important to you, huh?” His eyes were focused on the pot between his hands.
“Are you fishing for compliments? Of course you are. You’re probably my best friend after Becca.” She watched a small smile grow on his face. “You’re mine, too”, Frank replied simply.
After clearing their plates – Frank was a surprisingly good cook, and it made Mel feel bad how taken aback she was by that – they lay on the couch together.
“I never used to think of myself as an addict.” It had gotten dark outside, and they hadn't gotten up to turn on any lights. Mel hummed to show she was listening and waited for Frank to go on. “I just thought I had cracked the code, you know. The secret to life, everything working out perfectly. Until my mentor kicked me out whose opinion meant everything to me. But then I still didn't see it. I got more pills and decided to come back when I heard about the shooting. Because I was invaluable.” He scoffed at the memory. “So I was high as a kite in the ER, really wanting to show Robby how wrong he was. But he wasn't.” Frank stopped. A choked sob broke free from his throat. Mel hugged him tighter. “Even in rehab, I was in denial. I still thought I had everything, a wife, my kids, my job. But at that point, I of course didn't have any of it anymore. When I realized that...I've never felt anything like it. For a while, I really thought it would be better if I… disappeared.”
They were silent for a moment. “I had no idea”, Mel whispered eventually. “I knew you weren't well, but I thought that was just the detox.” Dread had filled her entire body. “Yeah, well. I didn't want you to know. But for what it's worth, I'm really glad I'm still here.” Mel felt tears prick behind her eyes. “Me too”, she pressed out. “I'm so, so glad.” She wanted to crawl into his body and make a home in his heart so he would never feel that lost again. Which was an insane thing to think. But it felt true.
She offered Frank to stay the night. After what he’d shared, she didn’t want to be apart from him. He suggested to sleep on the couch, but Mel told him, “Don’t be stupid, the couch is not good for your back”, and that was it. Getting into Mel’s twin bed with another person for the first time in this apartment should’ve felt more significant, but her and Frank had gotten so close that it felt almost natural. The arranging of their limbs in the small space wasn’t easy, but they settled into Mel spooning Frank despite her being much smaller. “I don’t think I can fall asleep with someone else’s limbs around me”, she had explained, and Frank had been ecstatic in suggesting she be the big spoon. Now this was just one more thing that they did, apparently. No big deal.
Having breakfast together the next morning and seeing Frank with sleep-tousled hair and small eyes moving around in her kitchen was another first. Mel didn’t know whether it was healthy to experience so much heartache and fondness at this early time of day. And she should know, being a doctor and all. But she hadn’t ever thought she’d have feelings like this, so she had absolutely no way of coping. Before leaving the house, Mel scrutinized Frank with a frown. He was still wearing her sweatpants and the same shirt as yesterday. At least he hadn’t slept in it, after the two of them agreed it was more important for him to look somewhat acceptable coming into work than maintaining whatever imaginary lines still existed between them. (He had slept bare-chested, which had given Mel heart palpitations for a few minutes until she got used to the feeling of his skin under her arms and his back under her nose. It was fine. She was fine.) But it was undeniable that he hadn’t been at home last night. Mel just hoped they wouldn’t run into anybody before he had a chance to change into his work clothes.
Of course, they weren’t so lucky. They reached the staff entrance of the ED at the same time as Robby, who did a double-take and then just stared at Frank for a full minute without saying anything. “We’re car-pooling”, tried Mel hesitantly. Robby held up a hand to stop her. He just shook his head and started walking again. Mel thought she heard him muttering to himself, “Why can’t you get your ducks in a row, Dr. Robby? Oh, I don’t know, Gloria, maybe because they have all lost their fucking minds!” Mel and Frank looked after him. If she wasn’t so embarrassed, she would be concerned for Dr. Robby’s mental health.
“Well”, Frank exclaimed. “That went well!” Mel turned to him questioningly. “Joke”, Frank said weakly. Mel just raised an eyebrow and pulled Frank along to the changing rooms.
Mel didn’t actively avoid Dr. Robby, but she also didn’t seek him out. The fact that whenever she had a choice, she would walk in the opposite direction when she saw him? Meant nothing. She was working, that was all! But when she was sent outside to wait for an ambulance bringing two gunshot-victims and Dr. Robby stepped up beside her, she had nowhere to go. Shit. She nodded at him awkwardly and prayed that the EMTs would be fast.
“Dr. King”, Robby started.
“Dr. Robby.”
“Now that things are kind of out in the open, I want to give you a word of advice before you hopefully report your relationship to HR yourselves.”
Mel was confused. What exactly was out in the open?
“I have noticed before that you and Dr. Langdon are close, but I never chose to comment because it’s not my place to meddle in my employees’ personal life. But now that it seems to be getting serious, I do want to warn you. I know Langdon can be magnetic and charming, but he’s an addict, and he is on probation. A relationship with a fellow resident isn’t a fireable offense, but it’s not a good look, either. I just want you to be sure that you do what is best for yourself, Dr. King.”
Mel was so indignant at this speech that she didn’t even contest the claim that she and Langdon were in a romantic relationship. “I can’t believe you! Frank looks up to you so much and he is trying so hard! Addiction is a disease; it’s not his fault! And he’s clean and working his program! Which you’d know if you bothered to talk to him more than absolutely necessary!” Mel couldn’t help it, her voice was getting louder. “And you’re right, it isn’t your place! I know what I’m doing, thank you very much!” That last part was a lie – Mel had no idea what she was doing, but that wasn’t any of Robby’s business. She was saved by the ambulance arriving and Jesse and Perlah stepping out of the hospital behind them. She was glad to focus on their patients and less on her fuming rage.
Frank offered to drive her home at the end of the day – even though they both knew it was out of his way, and he had to go to his flat, if only to get clean clothes. Mel had the suspicion that Frank didn’t want to go home to his empty apartment, but she didn’t want to pry.
“What did you say to Robby?”, was the first thing he said when they were in the safe confines of his car. “What?” They had just been talking about upcoming movie releases, and she didn’t understand where the change in topic had come from.
“You must have talked to Robby. He came up to me and said that you were ‘a keeper’ and I should ‘take good care of you’. I expected him to yell at me, so you must have said something”, Frank explained.
Mel was stunned. “He cornered me to warn me about, I don’t know, getting too close to you, I guess? And I basically told him to piss off.” Frank choked. “I mean, not in those exact words”, Mel hurried to clarify. “But that was the gist of it.”
Frank looked at her with wide eyes. “Mel King, you absolute superstar. You never fail to amaze me.” His eyes were shiny, a blush was rising on his cheeks. “Do you think I could pop into your place for a little…you know? Or are you sick of me by now?” Mel stared at him and considered his question thoroughly. “I don’t think I am, actually. So, yes, you can come up.” Frank started the car. “Then let’s get the hell out of here, shall we?”
“Ooh, my order has arrived!”, Mel exclaimed happily when she opened her mailbox. “I can’t wait to show you, come on!” She hurried up the staircase, Frank right behind her. “Why, what is it? Mel? Please?”, he demanded, but Mel stayed silent until the door of her apartment was safely closed behind them.
“Don’t be a brat, Frank”, she said. His eyes went wide. “Maybe you should get on your knees”, she mused. He obeyed immediately. Under his watchful gaze, she opened the parcel and unwrapped a leash and collar, knee pads and a bag of treats. Mel beamed. Together, they put the pads around Frank’s knees. Then, Mel held up the collar and looked down at Frank questioningly. He nodded eagerly. Mel’s hands were shaking from excitement when she put the collar around Frank’s neck. When she clicked it closed, her and Frank looked each other in the eyes. Mel felt like they could fully see each other and were on the exact same wavelength in that moment. She could almost feel their connection sparkle in the air between them.
She straightened up. Frank immediately nuzzled her knee. She couldn’t help but pet his head. She walked him around the living room a few times and made him sit and shake again, giving him a treat afterwards. When his lips brushed the palm of her hand, she shivered. “Can I…”, Frank started, nudging her towards the couch. Mel sat down willingly. “Please, can I…?” he tried again, nodding towards her jeans. Mel shivered again. “Yes, anything”, she whispered. This time, she was ready.
Frank darted forwards, nosing at her inner thighs, eventually reaching her crotch. He breathed onto the fabric of her jeans hotly. “Oh God”; Mel gasped. She accidentally pulled on the leash that was still in her hand. Frank moaned and looked up at her, a question on his face. Mel nodded hastily. Frank made quick work of opening her jeans; she lifted her hips so he could pull them off.
He left a trail of kisses on her thighs, coming closer to her center before moving away again. Mel groaned. Frank just chuckled, but when Mel pulled on his leash, he moaned again. “Come on now”, Mel panted. That was all it took for him to finally close the distance. He slowly licked his way into her depths. Mel could feel that her thighs were starting to shake, but she had no control over her body anymore. Frank’s tongue circled her clit in torturously slow strokes until Mel saw stars. She felt every little movement reverberating through her entire body. Frank’s movements got faster; she could feel his hot breath on her skin. When he gently took the nub between his lips, Mel came apart. She didn’t know how long she was coming for or what sounds she was making, but when her brain started functioning again, she looked down at Frank, still between her thighs, softly nosing her skin. If she wasn’t a doctor and knew it was medically impossible, she would have thought her heart would burst out of her chest.
Gently, she tugged on the leash again. Frank looked up at her and slowly made his way up her body, until Mel could sling her arms around him. His comforting weight settled on top of her. For a few minutes, they lay in silence.
Eventually, Frank confessed quietly, “I came into your pants.” Mel burst out laughing, and soon they were both giggling like schoolgirls. When her laughter died down, she took Frank’s face between her hands and really looked at him. Slowly, so slowly that he had sufficient time to pull away, she brought her lips to his. For a second, they remained frozen, lips touching but neither of them moving. Until Frank let out a whimper and melted. They kissed, finally. It felt like a question that was being answered at long last. Mel could taste herself on his lips. It wasn’t unpleasant, surprisingly.
When they parted, Mel kept her eyes closed. “I need to tell you something”, she whispered. She felt Frank tense almost imperceptibly. “I love you.” He stilled. Mel didn’t dare open her eyes. She felt his hands reach up to her face and stroke her cheeks. “Mel, Mel. Melissa. I love you, too.” He sounded almost disbelieving. Mel opened her eyes and looked at Frank’s face right in front of her. He was beaming, his eyes were shiny with tears. Her own cheeks were wet. “Oh”, she breathed out. And again, they started laughing, breathlessly. “My boy”, Mel muttered, calming down. Frank nuzzled her neck. “My good, excellent boy.”
They would definitely have to report their relationship to HR now, but the prospect almost excited Mel. Because that meant he was hers, for real. And she couldn’t wait to introduce Frank as her boyfriend to Becca. Her sister would be over the moon, she just knew it. It felt like something had shifted and clicked into place, and Mel felt grounded and at home. Judging by how calm and content Frank lay on top of her, he probably felt the same.
************************
“Do you own a strap by any chance? I think I would like you to fuck me from behind”, Frank mused on a Sunday morning at the breakfast table. A few weeks ago, this would have startled Mel enough to spit out her coffee, but today, she just swallowed and placed her cup on the table. “I don’t have one yet, but I love that idea! I’m gonna do some research.”
Frank smiled, took her hand, and started playing with her fingers. The ache in her chest had bloomed into something permanently warm, like a summer sea washing around her heart. She knew by now that that wasn’t a medical issue, but just meant she was in love. She could get used to that feeling.