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“You found it?” Robin asks, eyebrow raising above the top of her sunglasses. She eyes the letter in Luffy’s hands.
“Uh-huh. It was in Sanji’s locker.”
He’d been looking for Sanji, bored out of his mind after staying at this island for so long. He thought the new world was supposed to be more interesting! But after Fishman Island there hadn’t been much action.
A blue feathered boa hanging out of Sanji’s locker had caught his eye. He’d wondered what other stuff Sanji had, and if he’d be willing to share anything fun he got from Iva. Opening the locker mostly showed his suits hung up together with shirts of all colors. Below those were socks, shoes, a book with fish on the cover, and one of Zoro’s shirts for some reason. Below that were packages of dried pasta and rice, sealed tight and unappetizing even to Luffy.
Luffy kept digging and found a piece of paper at the bottom, crumpled and stained with age. Curious, he unraveled it.
He’d never bothered learning to read – that’s what his crew is for – but Sabo made sure to teach Luffy his own name at the very least. That’s how he knew that this was a letter addressed to him, in thick clean letters at the top.
Luffy’s eyebrows furrowed. Why was there a letter for him in Sanji’s locker? Who wrote it? Was Sanji gonna give it to him?
Only one way to find out.
“And you didn’t think Sanji would mind you snooping?” Robin asks, pushing her sunglasses up to her forehead and giving him a pointed look. She’s smiling though.
“Well…” Luffy looked away in a show of guilt, though he doesn’t feel bad about it. “It’s a letter to me.”
Robin's eyes narrow and Luffy knows she’s just as curious as he is. She gestures with her hand and Luffy gives her the paper. He sits down next to where she’s relaxing on the lawn of the Sunny, with a few books and a lovingly filled picnic basket. It seems like they’re the only ones on the ship right now.
Luffy reaches into the basket as she scans the page, pulling out a handful of salami slices and shoving them into his mouth. Sanji is the best!
“Wash it shay?” He asks, still chewing. He’d already eaten the lunch Sanji made for him this morning. Luffy hadn’t realized he wouldn’t be back by now.
His eyes widen when he sees Robin’s pale face and alarmed expression.
“Robin?”
“He’s going to leave the crew,” Robin says, eyebrows pinched together. “Or worse.”
Luffy’s heart nearly stops. “What?”
“It’s–he’s saying to get a new cook, that he doesn’t belong here. He’s saying goodbye.”
Luffy inhales sharply and a sudden anger floods his veins. He’s going to leave the crew? Just like that? Without even telling his captain?
Luffy gets up and puts his hat on his head. “Where is he?”
Robin stands up too. “He said he was going to the market today. We should check there first, and then maybe to the other docks to see if he got on another ship.”
“No,” Luffy says, crossing his arms. “This is between a captain and his crewmate. You stay here and watch the Sunny.”
Robin frowns and exhales slowly through her nose. She looks him straight in the eyes and says, “Luffy, this might be more serious than him just leaving the crew. That letter…he’s not thinking clearly. You need to be very careful about this. Promise me.”
Luffy matches in her grave expression and nods, taking the letter back. He turns and leaps off the edge of the ship, landing on the wet sand near the dock where his sandals sink in slightly. He races forward, leaving footprints soon to be washed away in the tide.
The sky is a roiling sea of dark clouds, broken up occasionally to spill sunbeams onto the calm water and tropical trees. Luffy reaches the bank. A stone staircase leads from the beach to the market and he’s about to climb up when he hears a splash to the side of him.
Luffy turns, eyes catching on a figure farther down the beach, wading in the water with a net and basket.
Sanji.
Luffy runs, sand sliding between his sandals and feet, until he approaches his cook. Sanji crouches down, oblivious, and pulls some kind of shell out of the water, placing it into his woven basket. He’s not wearing his suit jacket and his shirt sleeves are rolled up to his elbows.
A few rays of sunlight pour onto him and the water glistens, reflecting waves of light up his skin where he’s pulled his pant legs up and dances across his face.
Luffy can’t lose him.
“SANJI!” He screams, a sudden surge of desperation and anger overtaking him. His hand holding Sanji’s letter shakes.
His cook startles, back straightening as he faces Luffy. He scowls.
“Luffy? What’s going on?”
“You were going to leave!” Luffy yells. “I won’t let you! You’ll have to fight me first!”
“What are you talking about?!” Sanji yells back. He notices the paper fisted in Luffy’s hands and freezes, dropping the basket and net.
“What is that,” he demands.
Luffy looks down at the crumpled paper, then back at Sanji. “It’s your letter.”
The water around Sanji’s legs start to steam and he snarls, “You had no fucking right to take that! You can’t even fucking read! What the hell were you doing in my locker?!”
Luffy growls back at him. “So what?! Robin said that it says you’re gonna–”
“You showed it to Robin?!” Sanji screams, the water nearly boiling now. “It was none of your fucking business, I wasn’t even gonna do it! You have no right to tell me–!”
“I’m your captain!”
They’re both panting now, glaring at each other. Luffy takes in Sanji’s curled shoulders and tightened fists. He looks scared.
“You need to be very careful about this. Promise me.” Robin had said. Luffy really messed up.
He’s not used to being careful. If something needs special care, that’s what his crew is for. But he’s a bad captain if he’s not mindful of his crew and their feelings. He thinks of Usopp’s hurt face at Water 7 and grimaces. There are so many times where yelling at someone made everything worse.
Luffy gets on his knees, the cool sand shifting to accommodate the weight. Just like he had for Nami on Drum Island all those years ago, Vivi asking him not to start a fight. He puts the letter down in front of him, placing his palms and head down while looking up.
“I’m sorry,” Luffy says, and means it. “I don’t want you to go. Why do you want to leave?”
The air is still. The clouds shift and darken the light cast on Sanji, who’s staring at him in shock.
He stands there for several long moments, looking more and more anguished. “I don’t want to leave. I never did.”
Luffy’s heart lifts a little, and he raises his head. “Then why–?”
“It’s not a fucking resignation letter, Luffy,” Sanji’s breath shakes, “It’s a suicide note. I was going to kill myself.” He reaches into his pants pocket, pulling out a cigarette and lighter.
Luffy watches him light it in slow motion, his ears ringing. Sanji was planning on dying. The sight of Ace, burnt and lifeless, plays across his vision. He can’t do it again. He wants to get up and punch Sanji senseless, make him realize how stupid he’s being in the only way he knows how, but holds himself back.
Careful, Robin had said.
“Why?!” He asks instead, eyes digging into Sanji’s face, wishing he understood.
Sanji takes a drag from his cigarette, running his free hand through his hair. “I don’t know! I just–shit!”
Sanji exhales through his teeth, agitated. “Something happened in Thriller Bark, and I felt so useless and weak and alone. I felt like I was pulling everyone down, like I wasn’t even worth breathing the same air. So I decided to end it and wrote that letter to give you guys some kind of shitty goodbye,” Sanji takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “But that was years ago. I came back and got rid of it.”
Luffy chest tightens and he takes another look at the paper in his hand. “But you didn’t get rid of it. It was still in your locker.”
Sanji looks at him and seethes, tension building in his shoulders before they sag again and he sighs, looking away. “I wanted to get rid of it. But I thought, maybe, that I’d change my mind and need it again later.”
Luffy’s eyes water, and he rips the paper in half, then again and again and again, throwing the pieces into the water and watching them float with the tiny waves. He gets up, damp sand sticking to his knees and shins, and looks up at Sanji.
“You’re not allowed to do that,” Luffy says through his tears. “You can’t. You’re mine.”
“I know, Luffy,” Sanji says sadly, his smile soft.
“No, you don’t,” Luffy insists. “Even if you were to never cook me another meal, you’d still be mine. I decide what you’re worth. I decide when you die.”
Sanji’s eyes are glossy, and his mouth wobbles. “Aye aye, captain.”
Luffy rushes forward, wrapping his arms around Sanji several times over and resting his ear against his chest. The sound of a steady heartbeat eases his growing anxiety, and he squeezes harder.
“Good,” Luffy says.
Robin stands by the railing of the Sunny, watching the two men bicker as they make their way back to the ship. Sanji trails a net behind him, filled with a variety of fish, no doubt, and Luffy carries a covered basket.
“...Yes, clams are meat, idiot. I’m putting them into a soup tonight.” Sanji’s voice drifts up from the beach.
“Really? What kind of soup?”
“Well, it’s more of a chowder–”
Robin laughs lightly and the men look up. When her gaze meets Sanji’s, she smiles.
Sanji smiles back.
Luffy
I'm not fit to be on this crew. I should've left a long time ago, but I thought Treat the ladies well. The rest of you idiots can die for all I care. I'm sorry
Find a new cook.
Thank you. For everything.
Sanji