Chapter Text
The Vextra took her time after lunch to carefully go over every ounce of line in her tech to disable anything that could give off her proximity.
After lunch the Commander came by to tell her they had set up a room for her.
With the Doctor’s ok she attempted to get out of bed herself. Vakarian hovered near her, still giving her space, in case she needed assistance.
The Commander observed the two’s dynamic and wondered what would blossom from it. He still was unsure how useful the Vextra could be as they went after Saren.
She still had a bit of pain from sitting but the medi-gel worked well to reduce the bruising.
The Vextra was impressed by how far technology had improved and found herself wondering if the Vextra had developed something similar to medi-gel in the last 150 years..
“You have tattoos?” Vakarian asked, looking at the filigree design that was in the same light green as the filigree design on her face.
A look Vakarian could not ascertain flashed on her face for a moment and Vakarian gulped. Had his observation offended her? Was this some unknown Vextran faux-pax he had stumbled onto?
“They are… not… tattoos” She mumbled as calmly as she could. She didn’t dislike the markings on her arms and legs, but they were there. They always had been.
“Classified?”
“I don’t want to talk about it” She muttered.
Vakarian took the hint and dropped it immediately.
The Commander led her to the hallway behind the med-bay and to the end of the hallway there, explaining that these rooms were all crew quarters. Vakarian walked next to her, arm closest to her crooked outward for her to grab if she felt she needed it.
The room the Commander showed her to was a small single person room. It had a bed that looked to be too short as well as pretty narrow for her and a small desk was tucked into the corner that doubled as her nightstand.
“It is a small room, we are running out of space. Captain Anderson wanted you to have your own room. There is a closet for your clothes there. You have space for armor and a footlocker in the closet as well.” the Commander explained, as he scratched the back of his neck. The bed in the room was too short for him and he realized in the med bay that she was taller than him.
She would need a bigger bed the next time they arrived at the Citadel.
“You can roam the ship from this floor downward. We are currently on the 3rd floor. I ask that you do not enter the CIC or the Engineering room on the Cargo Bay. I hope it goes without saying to not enter someone else’s room without permission.” He said, giving her a pointed look. She nodded. “The CIC is up the stairs, the elevator there goes directly to my cabin” He explained
They wanted to make sure that she was away from their crew.
She would not have to drain her own energy with the imaging software by being in her own room.
It was considerate and smart.
“This feels spacious” She said, tilting her head at the Commander, giving him a smile. “I don’t have to share and I have a desk?” She said happily. Vakarian frowned. She was not joking
She was genuinely happy with the set up. When she was off-world she often camped. Hotels were difficult to use since they required ID's and physical cards. It wouldn't work well since she survived off of skimming credit cards and stealing money. She was happy to have her own space and it really felt luxurious to have a desk in a room this large.
“What is the normal set up for Operative rooms?” Vakarian asked cautiously. He knew he wasn’t going to like the answer.
“Two sets of bunk beds to house 3-4 Operatives in a room this big” The two men looked uncomfortable. “My family had single rooms available but they were really a room large enough for a bed and that’s it. Maybe a third of this size”
“That doesn’t sound like there is a lot of space for everyone’s personal items” The commander commented
“Operatives carry their items on them at all times.” She said automatically before thinking what exactly she was saying. She was getting used to providing information and that was a dangerous thing.
She really needed to be more careful.
She hoped that this wouldn’t come back to bite her.
She tried to divert her caution. Vakarian had seen the bands anyway, he was intelligent and perceptive and probably figured out that the number of bands hanging from her side, plus the leather bracelets and rings on her fingers held different items. He probably hadn’t figured out what bands held what yet. She wondered if he had caught the faint differences between the different lengths and colors of the bands yet. She wasn’t going to ask. If he asked she was unsure if she could show him. “We only need the basics anyway” She said as she turned to the men and shrugged as if what she said was nothing.
To the Turian this sounded a level above slavery. He bit back the subharmonics of discomfort and annoyance he felt.
It sounded like she had lived in a closet.
Vakarian was finding it ever more difficult to keep the comments and questions at bay.
Maybe tomorrow, if she doesn’t have another nightmare, he could ask.
He didn’t think he could last longer than that.
She had nothing to move into the room which unnerved him further. He reminded himself that she didn’t have anything with her when she was flung from 2025. She also didn’t ask for anything.
She went to make dinner after being shown her room. She was in high spirits.
She really couldn’t think of another time in her life when she felt this free and happy.
After dinner she returned to the med bay and the doctor put another dose of medi-gel, less this time, to avoid the same reaction she had previously.
“I was not aware you weighed so little” The doctor said apologetically “I applied way too much last time, you shouldn’t have the same reaction this time” She explained and the Vextra allowed her to reapply the medi-gel, lifting the crop top slightly for the doctor.
She hadn’t felt the need to put back on her light armor. The workout clothes she wore were comfortable enough to sleep in. She was looking forward to sleeping in her own room so she could be in her pajamas. She felt uncomfortable with wearing them in the med bay around the aliens. She had discovered that the pajamas she wore were considered ‘sexy’ to humans in 2025, she assumed it would be the same now. She disliked people leering at her and thinking of her like that. It made her feel disgusting. The idea of anyone finding her beautiful unnerved her. She preferred fading into the background.
“I also wanted to talk to you about your nightmares” the Doctor said and the Vextra gave a look at Vacarian
“You did say you didn’t want to have another nightmare. I talked with Chakwas to see what options are available” He explained softly. She gave him a small smile. She did remember saying those words, but they were a bit hazy.
“I do have a medication that will allow you to have a dreamless sleep.” The doctor explained “Many of the soldiers and marines onboard need something to allow them to sleep after what they have witnessed. There is no shame for you to take it.” She said flawlessly. The Vextra assumed she had to spout that often to the military personnel onboard which made her statement ring truer.
The Vextra sighed as she thought about it.
She often had nightmares after something triggered a bad memory she fought to push down and repress.
Taking something so she didn’t have to see his face or hear his voice sounded like a gift.
“A dreamless sleep sounds really nice” She said softly. Vakarian let out a sigh of relief.
“I do have to warn you this medication is only meant to be used temporarily. It isn’t safe to be used continuously.” She warned and she nodded.
She just needed enough time without being reminded of him for her brain to relax so she could drift in largely unremembered dreams.
“I understand” She said and the Doctor smiled
“After you finish your dinner I will give it to you” She said and left the two to eat their dinner.
“Please don’t be mad at me” Vakarian said softly and cautiously
“I’m not.” She said, she didn’t feel betrayed in this. She felt taken care of. Which felt very strange. “Thank you for taking care of me and helping me” She whispered hoping he didn’t hear her.
He smiled broadly. She realized then he had heard her which made her feel something that she couldn’t describe.
“Anytime.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the Doctor had mentioned she had a dreamless sleep and when she awoke to Vakarian soft words she felt more refreshed than she could remember.
He hovered near her as she got up, barely wincing once she was in a sitting position and got up easily by herself. The last medi-gel application didn’t have the same effects on her. She had felt a little dizzy the night before but that was it. Her bruise had drastically recovered from the morning before.
She made breakfast with Vakarian. The two other dextro eaters onboard had requested their food stay in the oven so they could get more sleep.
Vakarian was scheduled to clean up breakfast out of the three.
They felt it was fair that since she made the food that the others would clean up. Since Vakarian insisted on being her shadow, especially with his abuse and PTSD training, he would clean up breakfast. He would be there to wake her up anyway. Tali would handle cleaning up after lunch, and the Spectre dinner.
With breakfast completed she grabbed her own plate and Vakarian followed a safe distance away with his plate to the table.
She sat down with minimal pain.
She was thrilled she could sit at the table and eat.
She ate quietly lost in her thoughts, thinking about the past few days before asking something that kept eating away at her
“Why are you so considerate of me?” She asked quietly, picking at her food.
“Huh?”
“You bought me expensive food, helped me make it, and have been treating me really nicely. Why?”
“Because that’s what people, and friends, do, we help each other” He said slowly, not sure why she was asking the question. She furrowed the area where her brows would be.
“I’m not a person though” She responded. “I’m a tool” she reminded him. Grabbing a piece of meat and putting it in her mouth, looking at the Turian expectant of an explanation.
His questions and comments from the past few days reared up in his mind and came out of his mouth before he could tamp it down
“But you are a person”
“I am a tool Vakarian” She corrected sternly
“But you aren’t a tool. You are a person”
“I’m not though” She said with a bit more bite to her words.
“You are. I see you as a person as does everyone that you have met so far.” He had more emotion in his voice than he meant to show.
“I am not a person” She muttered bitterly, she was clearly getting upset. He tried to tamp down his emotions.
To him she was brainwashed.
He wanted to break that brainwashing but he knew he needed to keep his emotions calm or it would backfire
“I, we,” He corrected “disagree”
“I am not a person!” She hissed with conviction, trying to keep her voice low for the people still sleeping nearby.
He really should stop. He couldn’t stop the floodgates of thoughts and assumptions he had made thus far came rushing out of his mouth.
“You are organic, therefore a person” He quipped. She scoffed darkly.
“I am definitely not a person. I am a tool”
He decided to try things a different way.
He needed her to see herself as a person.
“Why do people choose to be Operatives if they are not treated like people?”
“People don't choose to be Operatives, Detective” She bit back harshly
He noted previously that she referred to everyone, except him, by title.
Or she had.
Now she was calling him by his title.
He grimaced.
There goes all the work he had done the past few days.
All the time and money spent fixing the situation with the woman, gone.
Poof.
“I’m confused then” He said softly, trying to come off as non-confrontational as possible. He needed to mend this now before it got worse.
What would be worse than being referred to by title? Species perhaps?
He didn’t want to find out.
“When did you become an Operative?” He asked calmly
She let out an exaggerated sigh.
“I shouldn't be telling you this, but fine, to help you understand I’ll explain so you can drop this”
She was frustrated.
She was offended.
“It stays between us though, understand? If you betray my trust again I will claw your throat out” She growled out.
“Understood” He said nodding, he had no intention of betraying her trust again.
“When a fetus is at least 2 months old, a procedure is done on them to turn them into an Operative” She said. He let out a strangled gasp. He was finding it difficult to keep his emotions in check.
“What?!” He hissed, eyes wide, “What is this procedure?” His voice held a bite, a righteous anger, which spiked her own anger.
“Classified, but it is what separates ‘true Vextra’ from Operatives” She said, rubbing her temples with her fingertips in frustration.
That partially answered one of his burning questions.
“The child Operative stays with their parents until the age of 2, parents are refrained from giving the child a name, allowed to provide basic care. At 2 the child Operative is put into the training program, all documentation about their parents and about the child itself are destroyed, and, if the child Operative is lucky to remain alive, it graduates at 12.” She sighed angrily “No one chooses to be an Operative.” She concluded with venom.
She looked up at him, glaring. Silently daring him to continue.
She was ready to bite his head off in umbrage.
His mandibles went slack, jaw dropped slightly. Eyes unreadable. He stayed silent for a moment.
He was horrified.
She was essentially experimented on while she was in the womb. That went against so many galactic laws.
She was taken away from her parents and had no way to find out who they were. Documentation was destroyed.
Worst of all, if a child was lucky to be alive? What exactly went on during this Operative training program?
Each thought of what she had went through and what she was defending was causing his righteous anger to rise.
“Just because a procedure was done on you doesn't mean you are not a person” He said indignantly, voice rising, trying and failing to keep his righteous anger out of his voice.
This wasn’t going the way he had hoped.
“Yes, it does!” She snarled, articulating the words
“No, it doesn't!” He snarled back
“It fucking does!” She said venomously, giving him a warning growl to drop it.
He couldn’t stop. The floodgates had opened, and the words tumbled out before he could think about what he was saying.
“Then they are wrong, you are wrong, just like it was fucking wrong of them to do a procedure to you as a baby!” He retaliated, standing, and raising his voice more.
He was angry, not at her, but at what was done to her.
Subconsciously she knew that but the anger had sparked her own indignation.
She was proud of her accomplishments as an Operative and he was insulting the first multiple steps at becoming one in Vextran society.
Meaning she was being personally insulted.
Besides what did he know?
He didn't know why the Operatives existed.
Why it was so important for them to exist.
He didn't understand the reasons behind it all.
He couldn't either. It was classified.
The Vextra narrowed her eyes at the Turian and she picked up her plate.
He couldn’t know. It was classified. She couldn’t fault him on that.
She decided to follow her family training and remove herself from the situation
“I’m going to eat in the med bay. I want to be alone” There was still a bite in her voice.
“Thank you for breakfast,” He said, trying to shake off his anger. It was still in his voice though. She let loose a low quiet growl.
She still felt personally insulted and attacked. This was her foundation as an Operative and a tool he was attempting to chip at.
Really it felt like he was trying to bomb it.
Her anger refused to dissipate and instead festered.
Because he had essentially promised not to share what she had told him, her olive branch to him, he was at a loss. He couldn’t talk to anyone about the mixture of emotions building up inside.
His thoughts swirled as he paced.
Procedures that deem someone not a person? On a baby? What type of dark shit was that?
Children being taken away from their parents at 2, and lucky to be alive at 12 from Operative training? What happened during training?
Plus, his mind swam with what she had said before.
Operatives don't get paid.
Operatives are killed if a mission fails.
Operatives don't ask questions.
The more he heard about the Vextran and their Operatives the more it sounded like a mix between slave labor and brainwashing.
How could he get her to understand that she was brainwashed?
How could he do so without her hating him more?
Did she hate him?
He growled to himself as he paced, his food forgotten.
How could he get her to realize what he saw without her hating him?
He couldn’t.
Would he be ok with the consequences then?
If she forever hated him?
Would she eventually forgive him after she realized she was brainwashed into believing she was a tool?
He wasn’t sure, and he did not like the uncertainty.
It was too late to stop things now though. The ball had already begun rolling downhill.
He kicked himself for not shutting up earlier.
For not keeping his righteous anger at bay.
He wasn’t expecting such a strong reaction and her feeling offended.
He should have expected it though.
That is what irritated him most. He had gone in without a plan and now his favorite person on the ship didn’t want to be around him.
Would she want to be around him later?
Would she even talk to him again?
He sighed as he sat down, pushing his food away so he could put his face in his hands.
He was no longer hungry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The moment he entered the med bay to get her plate all he heard was a warning growl. He paused briefly before passing the privacy screen.
“I am here to collect your plate” He said calmly. She refused to talk to him and pointed to the plate at the end of the bed.
It looked like she too had not been hungry after their fight too.
He had really fucked up.
He needed to fix this but wasn’t sure where to start.
He couldn’t apologize for his words, he meant them
“I am sorry for my anger earlier” He said.
She responded with another growl with a sneer.
There was something worse then being responded to by title it seemed. It was being ignored except a growl.
He had stepped fully back to square 1.
He closed his eyes in irritation at himself. He took the plate and left.
He hoped that some time away from him and alone would help with her anger.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He was wrong. He went back to the med bay for lunch and she just growled, crossed her arms and looked away
“I’m here to help you make lunch”
“No” She said through her teeth.
“No, you don’t want my help, or no, you aren’t making lunch?”
“Both” she growled out. He took a step back.
He had fucked up really bad. His original olive branch was now rejected. She would rather not eat so she didn’t have to be around him.
He took a step backward and let out a dejected sigh.
“Understood”
He left the med bay and contacted Tali, the Commander, and the Nihlus.
“What did you do?” Nihlus seethed “I swear C-Sec, if we have to eat rations the rest of this mission I will filet you”
“I am pretty sure she is brainwashed from the Vextra and I was trying to break it”
The Commander watched and thought it over. He had come up with the same conclusion.
Tali stayed silent but her hands were wringing in front of her nervously
“Is she okay?” She asked
“She is, she is just angry”
“Fix it” Nihlus fumed getting in Garrus’ face before turning, grabbing a ration, and stormed away. They could hear him mutter bitterly to himself as he went to his room.
“Are you ok?” Tali asked. Garrus let out an exasperated sigh
“No, I don’t know what to do to fix this” He lamented
“Do what you can, Garrus.” The Commander said as he put a hand on his shoulder as he walked past
“Let me know if I can help.” Tali said as she walked off
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Garrus took a deep breath, grabbed one of his expensive rations and entered the med bay a little later.
She needed to eat no matter how angry she was.
Nihlus said he’d filet him, but in reality, he was sure she would if he pushed her too much.
He heard the warning growl the second he entered.
She must have a good sense of smell too. Or she was growling at everyone.
“I brought you a ration” He said, setting it down near her and backing away. She growled.
He took a deep breath.
He was going to dive off the deep end.
He hoped this worked out.
It had taken a long time to get his anger in check.
It had taken time to come up with a plan that Spirits willing would work.
“When did you become an Operative exactly”
“Weren’t you listening?” She said venomously “In the womb”
“That was the exact time you were considered an Operative, a tool?” He asked gently.
“Yes” She hissed through her teeth.
She wanted him gone. His presence was one she couldn’t stand. She hoped the Doctor would kick him out so she could go back to going through her tech, line by line of code at a time looking for anything that could alert other Vextra to her proximity.
“You were a fetus at the two-month mark when you had the operation?” He asked, her response was a pointed glare and a snarl.
What was he getting at? Why does this matter?
She had better things to do then talk to the Turian she now despised.
“Before that would you have been considered a person?” He asked. He really hoped this reasoning worked. The hatred left her eyes and the stormy green cleared up to a light teal blue.
“Yes?” She said unsure where he was going with this
“So, to clarify, you were a person and then it was taken away from you before you were even out of the womb. They forced you to be a tool.”
The shock went through her body quickly.
Her foundation, everything she thought she was, fell apart.
The things she had gone through, the loneliness, the experimentation, the abuse, the uncaring attitude from the non-Operatives, the situation with him flashed through her head quickly. All of it she endured because she had a mission and Operatives were trained not to dwell on their feelings.
But she was a person before the procedure.
What he said was logical and made sense.
She felt the foundation of what she thought she was break completely away. Two sides of her were battling each other. One seeing the logic, the other wanting to keep everything the way it was to keep her sanity.
She didn’t want to believe him.
Emotions she had been trained to lock away burst open and flooded over her adding with the anger she was already feeling.
Added with all the emotions she was going through that she had already pushed aside by being flung into this time period.
She had no outlet for her emotions since she couldn’t defrag in front of the others by Operative procedure.
It was coming back to bite her.
She felt completely overwhelmed.
“No” she said weakly, it was more to herself. She was trying to keep what she saw as who she was and believed intact, as well as these emotions she had never dealt with before in check. “I’m” she choked back the next wave of emotions “A tool” she said quietly, voice tinged in uncertainty. She stared ahead of her as she fully battled with herself internally.
The shock was still rushing over her and mixed with anger.
They took away her personhood.
Sadness and despair washed over her next.
She had been treated as an outsider. All because of the procedure that she did not ask for.
She hadn’t consented to any of it.
Only a person could consent.
She was a person.
She had not consented.
Anger washed over her again
She had never been allowed to have a choice.
She was ordered to do things and if not done perfectly she would be killed.
Failure is death. It was the Operative motto.
She was a person.
She did not eat. She did not move.
She sat frozen in place, blinking as the internal battle continued.
Vakarian stayed. He assumed she wouldn’t want to be alone and sat, gingerly on the edge of the bed. Waiting until she finished processing everything.
He felt bad.
He had essentially given her an existential breakdown of everything she thought was true.
He wanted to be there if she needed him.
He hoped their friendship would remain intact after all of this.
Really, he wished she would look at him.
He hoped she would talk to him.