Chapter Text
Steve grit his teeth as you dug your nails into his upper arm, screaming your way through another contraction. It finally passed and your grip slowly relaxed as you caught your breath. You leaned over, collapsing against his chest as he walked you back over to the bed.
“I'm almost glad Bucky's not here because I think I would just be screaming at him for doing this to me,” you whined as you sat down, holding your back.
Steve just gave you a sympathetic smile as he rubbed your shoulders. “I guess that's one reason for me to be grateful I'm not the one who did it, then,” Steve chuckled.
“With this much pain, I'm likely to forget and just start cursing you both; fair warning,” you replied, as you squinted, feeling another contraction coming on.
You screamed your way through it again, this time cursing Bucky and swearing if he were here, you would kill him yourself, nails biting hard into Steve's forearms and you were pretty sure you drew blood. When it passed and you were catching your breath, a nurse came in to check on you again.
“Alright, Agent Barnes, it looks like you're ready to push,” she announced cheerfully.
“Oh, thank God,” you heard Steve blurt out, his face flooded with relief.
You shot him a dirty look.
***
Everything else was a blur of pain and screaming and movement, until, finally, you heard your daughter cry. You heard someone ask Steve if he wanted to cut the cord and you collapsed against the bed, trying to just keep breathing.
Moments later she was being placed on your chest and you were holding this little life that you had been thinking about and talking to and preparing for for months. She was beautiful and you felt a kind of love you'd never experienced before.
Steve was leaning over you both and he reached out to gently rest his hand on her head. You looked up at him and you knew you were crying again.
“Congratulations, mama,” Steve said, kissing your temple.
You smiled wider and bright, squeezing joyful tears from your eyes. “Congratulations to you too, daddy,” you echoed.
You both just stared at her for a moment. Steve put his arm around you both.
“I bet she'll have your beautiful voice,” Steve mused as he caressed her head.
“She's got Bucky's eyes,” you said.
“She does,” Steve agreed.
“And she'll have your unbreakable spirit,” you added, looking up at Steve, praying he could see how much you needed him and wanted him here with you both.
“I don't know about that, I think she's better off being like you,” he said.
You kissed his cheek. “I love you,” you told him, as more tears spilled.
You saw a wave of relief wash over him again and he leaned his forehead on yours as you both looked back at your daughter.
“Not as much as I love both of you,” Steve whispered.
***
A few days of resting and being surrounded by nurses and staff and loads of checks and rechecks later, you were finally allowed to leave the medical building and go home.
It might have only been a short walk across the compound, but bringing home your newborn daughter felt momentous. It was a moment you had been trying to prepare for and wrap your mind around, and yet it still felt completely overwhelming.
Several days went by in a blur as both you and Steve tried to find a routine with this new element. There was lots of laughing and crying and frustration and happiness and everything else that comes with the territory.
Steve was a saint, helping in every possible way and staying calm and patient even when you lashed out from sheer exhaustion. Everyday he gave you more reasons to trust that he wouldn't bail and you were so grateful for this life you had.
A couple weeks later, you were walking into the kitchen, having finally gotten your daughter to take a nap somewhere other than your arms, and you saw Steve leaning against the counter, opening the mail. He was staring at a paper, transfixed with an expression on his face you couldn't quite place.
“What is it?" You asked as you poured a glass of iced tea.
You moved to stand next to him so you could look over his shoulder. You realized he was holding Murdock's birth certificate. It occurred to you the look on his face was something like shock. You watched his eyes as he scanned the paper again.
Murdock Buchanan Barnes Rogers it clearly read across the center.
“You… you gave her my name,” he quietly breathed, almost like he couldn't believe it.
You watched as a kind of stunned smile curled one side of his mouth. You smiled back, your chest flooding with warmth at the sincere joy you saw on his face.
“I hope that's okay,” you replied, biting your lip just a little nervously.
Steve snapped his head up to look at you, surprised again. “Okay? Honey…” he enveloped you in a strong embrace, burying his face in your neck. “It's the best gift I've ever gotten.”
Steve stood back a little, keeping his arms wrapped around you. “I hope you know I wasn't expecting that and it wouldn't have made any difference to me, that I would be her dad regardless.”
You nodded, giving him a heartfelt smile. “I know, love. I know it wouldn't have made a difference,” you assured him. “But, like I said before, she is going to have a complicated relationship with her parentage and I wanted to give her every reason to feel connected to all of us; you included. Plus, I thought, maybe in the future…” you trailed off, realizing you were letting your thoughts run away, unbridled.
Steve watched you clamp your mouth shut and your eyes darted away from his. He tilted his head and furrowed his brows, running his hands gently over your sides to get your attention.
“In the future, what, love?” He asked, watching you carefully. He watched you swallow and then fix a casual smile to your face, raising your eyes back to his again.
“Nevermind, it's not important,” you assured him. You grabbed your glass and walked to sit on the couch.
Steve watched, puzzled, as you turned on the TV, queueing up a show and then started folding laundry. He was considering letting it go when the pieces clicked into place in his mind, his eyebrows untangled and instead raised up his forehead. He took a deep breath and slowly went after you. He quietly sat next to you on the couch, picking up a shirt and helping you fold.
“YN,” he said, softly. You turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow in question.
“Were you going to say you thought maybe in the future you would have my name too?” Steve asked the question, calm and quiet, watching you closely as he folded some onesies.
You momentarily froze as you folded a pair of Steve's jeans. You closed your eyes for a moment, unconsciously chewing at your lip. You set the pants in your lap and opened your eyes to look at Steve. He was watching you, expression soft and inviting. You gave him a shy smile.
“Yes,” you admitted. “But we've never talked about it and I didn't want you to feel like that was something I expected. Because, Steve, I swear I'm happy with what we have. I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to push you into something.”
Steve smiled, warm and calm, setting down the clothing he was folding. He slowly reached out and grabbed your face, guiding you forward to kiss him. When he pulled away, still smiling, he chuckled quietly as his thumbs smoothed across your cheeks.
“I'm still old fashioned at heart, love, remember? Of course I've thought about giving you my last name,” Steve assured you softly.
You smiled more confidently. “You never brought it up, and neither did I, so I really didn't know.”
“I wasn't going to bring it up anytime soon. We've had nothing but major life changes for months now. And, more than anything, I was afraid of pushing you too far too fast,” he glanced down and nervously picked at his hands. “I know life has changed drastically, but really, you and Bucky only got married, what, around a year ago? I thought bringing it up at this point would just be insensitive.”
You couldn't help but tilt your head with a grateful smile. This man. He really was the pinnacle of selfless. For a moment all you could think was if he could instill even an ounce of who he was into your daughter, she would be so lucky. You placed a hand on top of his and his gaze returned to you.
“You, Captain Rogers, are far too good for this world,” you told him with a soft chuckle.
He looked back at you with a shy smile, glancing down at your hands again. “Like I've said before, I'm glad you have faith in me.”
You laughed quietly again and you resumed folding laundry, Steve continuing to assist. You continued in comfortable silence for a few minutes occasionally chuckling at the comedy on the screen in front of you.
“... So does that mean you want to take my last name… eventually?” Steve quietly and carefully asked, keeping his eyes on the screen as he moved piles of folded clothes back to the now empty basket.
You gave him a small wry smile as you stood and picked up the basket. You were about to answer him when Friday alerted you that there was noise and movement in the nursery. You sighed and hung your head.
“How about we revisit the idea when our daughter is no longer dependent on my body as her food source?” You suggested setting the basket back on the coffee table.
Steve stood and took the basket. He gave you a small, apologetic smile. “Of course, love,” he agreed.
You stepped toward him, putting your hand lightly on his chest and getting up on your tip toes to give him a soft kiss. “But, eventually… yes,” you said quietly before heading to feed your crying infant.
***
Before you knew it six months had flown by. Life felt surprisingly normal. Steve went to work everyday and came home to you and Murdock. Every day you marveled at how lucky you had gotten when you watched him with her.
True to his word, Steve made sure that Bucky was a constant in your daughter's life. He spent every night reading with her and telling her stories about his childhood with Bucky. Every day you would look at pictures and talk about him. Steve would dance her around the kitchen in his arms while you sang your wedding song. You kept him alive and real to her any way you could.
She was ten months old and just starting to take steps on her own when you went back to work. You cried when you left her at the daycare facility, even though it was only on the other side of the compound. You only made it through half the day before Steve couldn't take seeing the look on your face anymore and went to get her and brought her back to his office.
You tapped lightly on his open office door, not bothering to look up as you walked in. “Steve, I need approvals on these, and Rhodey said he needs you in DC next week,” you began, eyes on the tablet you held.
Your eyes snapped up when you heard a familiar babbling. Steve was kneeling on the floor with Murdock sat in front of him, the two of them building with oversized blocks. Murdock looked up at you and squealed, crawling over and using your legs to pull herself up.
“Ma-ma-ma-ma,” she babbled as she bounced while clutching your legs.
You fought tears of joy as you scooped her up into your arms. “Hi, little love,” you greeted her, nuzzling her nose with yours. She giggled.
Steve got up and came over to you, loosely placing his hand on your back. “I knew you were having a hard time, so I figured half a day was good enough. Baby steps,” he said, gently kissing your temple.
You tilted your head up to look at him and smiled. “Thank you,” you said, leaning in to give him a small kiss while Murdock played with the buttons on your shirt. As you pulled back, she babbled something and then leaned over, grabbing Steve's face with both her hands. You both laughed.
“Do you want to give Daddy a kiss too?” You asked her, and you laughed again when she leaned forward, mouth agape and left a slobbery wet kiss on Steve's chin.
Steve smiled wide. “Aw, thank you for kisses, baby girl,” Steve cooed as he placed a kiss of his own on her cheek. She squealed with laughter and reached her hands out, practically launching herself into Steve's arms.
“Da-da-da-da,” she babbled as she bounced and smacked his shoulders excitedly.
You watched them, smiling as you often did, but you remembered that you still had things to accomplish.
“Steve, the documents and Rhodey,” you repeated.
“Right,” he mumbled. He set Murdock back on the ground in front of her toys again and took the tablet from the desk. He began reading and scrolling, placing signatures at the indicated marks.
“You said he wants me down there next week? For how long?” Steve asked.
“It sounds like maybe three days,” you replied. You sat on the couch behind your daughter and fished a snack out of a nearby drawer, handing it to her.
Steve looked up. “Three days? I don't know,” Steve said, face scowling.
You frowned. “Why? Do you have another assignment? I didn't see anything listed.”
“No, it's just,” he looked up, setting the tablet on the desk. “I've never left you two that long before,” Steve replied, gesturing to you and your daughter. “I don't think I should go. I can't leave you to take care of Murdock by yourself. She's still only sleeping through part of the night.”
You gave him an appreciative smile, getting up and walking over to him again. “Steve,” you sighed, sitting on the desk facing him. He reached up and placed a hand on your thigh, absently stroking his thumb along the hem of your skirt. “We will be fine. This won't be the last time you have to be gone. Eventually, we both will. That's our life. She has to learn that. It's okay.”
Steve dropped his head just a little and gave you a knowing smile, looking at you over the top of his eyes. “I know, sweetheart, but maybe I just don't want to leave you.”
You laughed, leaning back a little further on the desk, the movement making Steve's fingers skim just under the hem of your skirt. “As much as I like hearing you say that, you gotta do your job, Cap.”
Steve moved toward you, smiling and about to reply, but he paused, looking over your shoulder.
“Oh, Murdock, honey, that's not a toy,” he called. He rounded the desk toward her.
You twisted around and saw Murdock had pulled herself up on the coffee table and was reaching for a picture frame sitting in the middle. You walked over toward the couch again as Steve grabbed the frame before she could knock it over. She continued to reach for it in Steve's hand, bouncing.
“Buh, buh,” she repeated as she looked at the frame, an outstretched hand waving at the picture.
Steve picked her up and sat next to you on the couch, setting her on his leg. He held the frame out in front of her. She smacked the glass as she looked at the picture.
“Buh, buh, da,” she repeated, tapping away on the picture as you and Steve watched, brows furrowed.
“Is she trying to say Bucky?” You wondered, eyeing Steve. You looked at the frame, which held a picture of Steve and Bucky.
Steve looked back at you, a tiny shrug and a small smile on his lips. You reached out and tapped the glass over Bucky.
“Murdock, who's that?” You asked, finger on Bucky's image. She looked up at you quietly for a moment. “Who's this?” You asked again, tapping your finger to draw her attention. She smiled and repeated her ‘buh, buh’ babbling. You raised an eyebrow, moving your finger to rest on Steve's image.
“Who's that?” You asked, tapping the photo.
“Da-da-da,” she quietly repeated.
You looked at each other again, smiling wide, before watching her again as she continued to drum on the glass.
“I can't believe she's actually recognizing him,” you said quietly. You unexpectedly felt tears forming in your eyes. “I hope that means we're succeeding in making him a part of her life.”
Steve laughed quietly. “I think it means she's going to be super smart like you. I can tell you for certain she doesn't get that from Buck.”
Murdock grew bored of the photo and climbed off Steve's lap to crawl over to her toys again. You scooted over closer to Steve, leaning into his side as he put his arm around you.
“I'm not super smart,” you countered as you watched her play. “I'm just average, not like Tony or Bruce. They qualify as super smart.”
Steve gave you a skeptical look even though you weren't watching him. “You know eight languages and you do complex equations in your head to fire arrows. That's far more than the average smart.”
You laughed. “I know nine languages. And I don't do much calculating, at least not anymore. It's more intuition and muscle memory now.”
“When did you learn another language? I remember eight from your file.”
“I picked up Romanian a few years ago. Bucky used to use it just to get under my skin because he knew I didn't understand it. He and Nat would have conversations just to annoy me, so I learned,” you replied.
Steve quietly laughed. “You learned a language just to irritate your boyfriend; only super smart people can do that.”
“He wasn't my boyfriend,” you countered with a chuckle.
“Yeah he was,” Steve disagreed. “You guys had all the markers of a committed relationship. You just weren't sleeping together.”
You knew you were blushing just a little, even after all this time. “Alright, fine. You might be right.”
Murdock started whining and tossing her toys, face twisting in frustration.
“Okay, time for lunch and then a nap,” you declared as you stood and picked up your daughter. You started for the door with Steve in tow.
“When do I have to leave for DC?” Steve asked as you crossed the green. He held the door to the residence building open for you, stepping in behind you.
“Tuesday,” you replied. You entered the kitchen and put Murdock in her highchair while Steve grabbed her lunch from the fridge. He handed you the container and you started feeding her while Steve got out various ingredients to make something for the two of you.
“Maybe you guys should go visit Clint and Laura while I'm away,” Steve suggested as he sliced a tomato.
“I still have a job to do here,” you reminded him. “I've been back a half a day so far. I can't leave again already.”
“You can do pretty much everything remotely, except training,” Steve pointed out. “And I'm pretty sure I can talk to your boss and get those reassigned,” he offered with a half smile.
“Steve, you can't just do that,” you argued.
He came around to the table and set a sandwich next to you.
“The hell I can't,” he replied, kissing your cheek. “I'm the Captain.”
Steve handed Murdock some sliced bananas before sitting, allowing you to pause and take a few bites of your sandwich.
“Come on, you can still do everything from your laptop and Murdock can play with the kids for a few days. I'll meet you out there when I get done in DC, how does that sound?” Steve persisted.
You huffed. Despite your arguments, that did sound nice. Clint and Laura loved to help with the baby and it meant you got much more sleep. And with Steve gone, that would be hard to accomplish in the first place. You sighed and nodded your head.
Steve grinned. “What do you think, Murdock?” Steve said, turning to wipe some banana off her face. “Do you wanna go see Gamma and Papa?”
Murdock's face lit up and she kicked her legs frantically. She tried to move around, searching her surroundings. You scowled at Steve.
“No, they're not here right now, baby,” you told her, giving Steve a chastising look. “Daddy shouldn't have said anything, I'm sorry, little love,” you soothed when she started to get frustrated when she couldn't find her grandparents.
Steve gave you an apologetic look. “I'm sorry, baby girl. I meant later,” he tried to explain. He offered her another bite of peanut butter to go with the banana and that seemed distracting enough.
“I'll call Clint after I put her down for a nap and make sure it's okay if we visit,” you said, finishing your lunch.
Steve shrugged. “If you want, but you have your own place there and he has said like a thousand times you can come whenever.”
You nodded. “I know, but still.”
You grabbed plates and took them to the sink while Steve cleaned up Murdock and got her out of her chair.
“I'll put her down,” Steve offered. “That way you can get back to work. Wouldn't want people thinking you're getting away with things, since you're sleeping with your boss.”
Steve gave you a smirk as he lifted your sleepy daughter to rest against his shoulder. You rolled your eyes, but grabbed your laptop and took a seat on the couch.
“If you insist,” you said as you crossed your legs and opened the laptop. “Since you're the boss.”
You had about a half hour of quiet to yourself before Steve came back and sat next to you. Before you could ask what was happening, he was closing your laptop and setting it on the coffee table. He grabbed your waist and effortlessly picked you up, setting you down on his lap. You giggled as you set a knee on either side of his thighs and placed your hands on his shoulders.
“I figure we have about another half hour before she wakes up,” he said just above a whisper as his hands traveled down to tightly grip your hips.
You grinned as you ran your hands from his shoulders, up his neck. “It's the middle of the day, Captain Rogers. If this isn't the definition of ‘getting away with things because you're sleeping with your boss’, then I don't know what is.”
“So, tell me to stop, sweetheart,” he challenged, nudging your chin up with his nose and running it slowly down the column of your throat.
Steve's hands slid around from your hips to forcefully grip your ass. He nipped at the spot below your throat before kissing his way back up until finally connecting his lips to yours in a hungry kiss. You couldn't stop the moan that rose in your throat and your hands twined together around the back of his neck.
You dropped down to firmly rest against his thighs and ground your hips into his when he swept his tongue through your mouth. You rocked against him, pressing your core against the growing bulge in his pants and he groaned in response as his hands slid back down from your ass to dip under the hem of your skirt. Steve's hands traveled upward, hiking your skirt upwards as they went, until they were squeezing your ass again through the thin lace of your cheeky panties.
You gave him a look through hooded eyes, biting your lower lip, as you removed your hands from his neck and brought them to the buttons on the front of your shirt, slowly undoing them to expose more of your cleavage. You watched his eyes darken and his tongue dart out to wet his lips as his gaze followed your hands. You got about halfway through before a quiet growl left his chest and he surged forward, burying his face in your breasts.
You gasped as he ran his tongue all over them, nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin, pulling whines and moans from you. Your hands tugged and pulled at this hair, eventually traveling down the neck of his shirt, searching for the contact of skin.
He pulled his hands from under your skirt and you whined at the loss. Steve gave a dark chuckle, reaching back to grab his shirt collar and yanking it over his head and off. You leaned in immediately, running your fingers and nails across his shoulders and chest while your lips captured his again. Steve's hands slid up your thighs and you moaned into his mouth when you felt him grab your pussy and squeeze. You felt a fresh surge of arousal pooling and you ground down against his palm.
You pulled your lips apart as you ran your hands down his chest and abs until you reached his belt and made quick work of undoing it and his pants. You reached into his briefs and pulled out his hard member, stroking in time with his squeezes to your pussy. Both of you were panting and pressing into each other.
You leaned forward to hover over his ear. “Quit playing around and fuck me, Cap,” you demanded in a breathy tone.
Steve growled again and his fingers hooked into your panties and yanked them aside while his other hand forcefully pushed your hips back down and impaled you on his cock. You cried out as he filled you, head throwing back. He barely gave you a second to adjust before his other hand grabbed your other hip and he was guiding you to bounce on his cock while he thrusted up into you and you were a string of moans and curses.
“I think you might have forgotten that I give the orders around here,” he said in a deep and husky voice as he continued to spear you over and over.
You looked down at him and bit your lip with a smirk, hands gripping hard on his bare shoulders. “If you say so, Cap,” you teased, but your look was quickly replaced with a needy whimper as one of his hands reached up and pinched your clit.
“I do say so, baby,” Steve reiterated. “And right now, I say you can't come until I say you can.”
He pinched your clit again and you let out a strangled cry, feeling your orgasm right there. You moaned loudly, digging your nails into his back. He could feel you clenching around him hard.
“Oh, baby, I'm-” you bit out, but all at once Steve halted all movement and pulled his fingers away from you. You whined loudly, attempting to grind down on his cock, but he gripped you tight, holding you completely still.
“I said you can't come until I say so,” he repeated. His grip on you tightened as you continued to squirm seeking friction.
“Steve…” you begged, breathless and needy and pleading with your eyes.
“Not right now. Right now I'm your Captain,” he said, eyes darkening further. He squeezed your hips hard and slammed you down right against him and you cried out at the way it drove him deeper into your heat. “Can you follow orders, Agent Barnes?”
He roughly ran his chin up your neck and across your jaw, his five o'clock shadow scratching at your soft skin. You clutched at his shoulders and keened, moans leaving your lips again when he ran his lips over the skin below your jaw.
“I asked you a question, Agent,” Steve whispered harshly against your skin before sinking his teeth into the skin above your right breast. You cried out and grabbed his hair, tugging hard and he moaned.
“Yes, Captain Rogers,” you whined. Steve smiled against your skin, his tongue licking a stripe down your cleavage. You sighed at the contact and continued to scratch his scalp with your nails.
He began to guide your hips again and you couldn't help but cry out because you were already so sensitive. You fought to match his pace and not chase your high, allowing his hands to move you and surrendering to their rhythm. He had you panting and moaning again in no time.
“Please, Captain,” you begged, feeling your release so close you could taste it.
“Please, what, Agent?” Steve asked, teasing and slowing his pace just slightly. You whimpered loud and shamelessly, nails biting into his biceps.
“Please let me come,” you pleaded. Steve chuckled, picking up his pace a little and canting your hips just slightly so that every time he drove you down he hit your clit.
“Captain Rogers!” You wailed, feeling the strain of holding back your orgasm.
“Come. Now,” Steve commanded.
And you did. Like an explosion, your orgasm burst through you, sparks exploding behind your eyelids and you screamed his name. He was right behind you, groaning loudly as your name fell from his lips and he released his seed into you.
It took several minutes for you both to come back down, clutching at each other and panting as your highs slowly faded. Steve slowly lifted you off his softening member and you sat back a little, brushing hair from your face and sweat from your forehead.
“Are you okay, honey?” Steve asked, reaching out to smooth more flyways out of your face. “That wasn't too rough, was it?”
You tilted your head and laughed as you touched a hand to your flushed chest. “Too rough?” You repeated back with a wicked smile. “Steve, if I'd known that side of you existed, I would have pulled it out of you months ago. That was fucking amazing.”
Steve laughed, dark and rumbling deep in his chest. “Guess he was right,” he mumbled as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you against him again. He smiled and pulled you into a long slow kiss.
“Who was right?” You asked with a smile when your lips parted.
“Buck,” Steve breathed quietly. “He once told me that you like it a little rough.”
Your eyebrows flew upward, mouth falling open. “He told you that?”
Steve laughed a little nervously. “Yeah, but he was drunk, so you can't hold it against him.”
You just stared at him, mouth hanging, for a moment, before shaking your head. “I guess I can't. Not after that.”
Steve smiled and kissed you lovingly again. “We should probably straighten up. Murdock won't be out for much longer.”
You grinned at him, but you knew he could feel your legs shaking ever so slightly. “That's gonna have to be on you, I'm afraid, Captain Rogers,” you emphasized his name, wiggling your eyebrows. “Because after what you just did, I'm not sure I can walk.”
Steve laughed, strong and bright, as he lifted you and set you gently back on the couch. He fixed his pants and stood, laughing harder when he watched you collapse against the couch, clothing askew, lips swollen and skin still flushed.
“I think I should get you some water, love,” Steve said with a wink.