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Robby's trying.
Forgiveness isn't particularly hard for him.
He's good at it. Great, even.
He can accept that sometimes he isn't forgiving, so much as suppressing shit. But, well, if no one can tell the difference, does it really matter?
He has an okay relationship with his parents, he's friends with exes and he forgives Dana every single time she steals his lunch.
He forgives and he forgets.
Langdon's a different story, it seems.
*
Langdon comes back on a Monday morning, after a month of rehab and two of mandated unpaid leave.
Robby knew he was coming in today. Still it takes him by surprise when they bump into each other on the lockers.
Langdon -who looks like shit- turns at the sound of the door and freezes when he sees Robby. They stay still for a moment. Strangers.
Robby has a lot of things to say. He says nothing.
He walks straight past him to his own locker. He can feel Langdon's eyes on his back as he punches in his code.
He turns around. Their eyes meet. Langdon opens his mouth.
"Dr Langdon!" Mateo walks in the room with his usual self-assurance. "They didn't tell me you were coming back today."
Langdon blinks and turns away.
"Yeah, I'm here."
*
Long ago, on the Peds room, Adamson on oxygen, but awake. Alive.
Langdon -a stubborn first year resident who'd been crashing at Robby's couch- doing his rounds in full hazmat.
Adamson's croaky voice.
"He's just like you, you know?"
*
Robby bumps into Abby at the supermarket.
He sees her first.
She's at the very end of the aisle, walking slowly. Tanner running laps around her and little Millie on the shopping cart seemingly asleep.
Tanner's chatting about, talking his mom's ear off.
Abby picks up a jar of instant coffee. Looks at the price. Puts it back.
He walks over. "Abby, hey."
Tanner gets startled and hides behind his mom's legs.
Abby looks tired, bags under her eyes and no trace of make up.
He hasn't seen her in a while. A couple months, maybe. It unsettles him, how different she looks.
Still she graces him with a soft smile. "Robby, hi."
She reaches over and combs her fingers through Tanner's hair.
"Tanner say hello. You remember Dr Robby."
Tanner walks out slowly, he reluctantly stretches his right arm out. Robby crouches down and shakes it. "Hey there, kiddo."
He stands back up and looks over at Abby, who's now avoiding his gaze. "Let me invite you guys to dinner."
She sighs, but nods all the same.
He takes them to a small hole in the wall place near the store.
The food is not the best, but it seems to be good enough.
Tanner devours his nuggets and fries, even finishes his veggies. Abby orders a salad and eats quietly, like every bite's a chore. She pulls out a tupperware with berries for Millie. Robby gets his usual burger.
"How have you been doing?" Robby finally asks.
Abby smiles sardonically, a little like she can't believe he actually asked. "We've been holding up."
"I really wish things –," he starts.
Abby stands up abruptly. "Tanner, stay with Dr Robby. I need to go to the restroom."
Tanner stands up from the booth to let her scoot over and sits back down once she's left.
Robby lays his head down on his hands. He tries to breathe.
Maybe it's for the best she didn't want to hear him out. He's not sure what he was going to say.
"Mister?"
Robby looks up, tries to smile.
"Are you really a doctor?" Tanner's got blue eyes, just like his dad. They're staring up at him, pleading.
"Yep, been one for a long time."
Tanner considers that for a second. Then he nods seriously, mouth scrunched up and a small crease between his brows.
"D'you think you could help my dad? He's really sick. He had to go away."
Tanner is not looking at him now. His little hand found his sister's own and he lets her wrap her entire hand over his index finger.
Langdon's been gone for a week now. Time flies. Time crawls by slowly.
"I miss him."
Robby's voice is thin when he answers.
"Me too."
Nobody speaks again until Robby orders the check. He walks her back to her car and watches idly as she buckles up the kids in their car seats.
She stands by him when she's done. Sighing, she pulls out a cigarette out of her bag and lights it.
She doesn't offer him one and he doesn't ask.
"For what it is worth," he says. "I am sorry things turned out like this."
The smoke leaves her lips slowly. She closes her eyes.
"You don't have to apologize." She taps the ash away. "You're not the one who - you know. It was him. It's just... I keep thinking I should have known."
A knot ties itself around Robby's throat and he can't breathe.
"I knew something was off. He wasn't himself. He wasn't happy. And his back was killing him, Robby. You have no idea how bad it was. I, fuck, I should have done something."
She finishes the cigarette in silence. She wipes her tears on her sleeve.
"I better go." She looks at him for a second and then sighs, like she expected him to say something.
For once, he has no fucking idea what to say.
*
Langdon keeps his word.
He stays sober, he attends NA meetings, he pees in cups and he shares his locker code for random inspections.
He hasn't stayed for any after-shift drinks, even though Robby knows for certain Dana, McKay and Mohan have tried to convince him more than once.
Tonight, like usual, Robby watches him leave.
It was Dana who told him Langdon started walking home.
It's fucking dumb in every sense of the word. Langdon usually gets a day shift, which means he's leaving at 6:45 at the earliest - which means he's walking home while it's already dark.
(It helps him, I think, Dana had said he'd went on a rant about idiotic decisions. Like - it calms him down after a tough shift. Also his back probably hurts after every shift, Robby. I highly doubt sitting in traffic will help.)
"He's doing good, if you asked me."
Abbot's sitting down at his right, eating a tuna sandwich.
Robby didn't ask him, but he keeps that to himself.
Abbot takes the silence as an opportunity to keep talking.
"You're gonna have to forgive him eventually, Robby," he says between a mouthful of tuna.
"I already did." He hates how defensive his voice comes out.
Abbot snorts. "Bullshit and you know it."
Thankfully, Abbot takes a hint and doesn't say anything else.
*
Langdon's sitting down on the locker room bench when Robby finds him.
He hasn't noticed he's not alone yet. He's sitting down eyes shut, one hand on his temple, the other rubbing his lower back.
He's trembling.
Robby clears his throat. Langdon's hands fall and he straightens. He makes eye contact.
"Need something boss?"
Robby thinks about sitting down with him on the bench. He keeps his feet planted by the door. He doesn't move.
"Good catch, Dr Langdon."
Langdon snorts. "I would have to be very stupid not to notice."
(22 year old female complaining of 10 out of 10 out pain on her abdomen and knees due to her sickle cell disease. There'd been no noticeable redness or swelling in said areas and she wouldn't consent to a physical exam, saying the pain would become unbearable. She presented with pale gaunt skin and tremors. No fever. Claimed she'd been prescribed Dilaudid before and it was the only thing that helped.
It'd been Langdon who called it.
I'll make the order for the Dilaudid. Santos -a good doctor, if a bit arrogant- was shadowing Langdon today. They were walking away from Room 4 and Robby just barely heard them from the nurse's station.
Nope! Wait until we have the results. Do a complete blood count, a reticulocyte count and a urinalysis. A full history too.
She scoffed. Dr Langdon, all due respect, she's in pain and-
We need to make sure she's not seeking, Dr Santos. Maybe she's in pain, maybe she isn't. It's our responsibility to help her by figuring it out and acting accordingly. You know that.)
Robby shrugs. "Yeah, well."
Langdon looks at him for a second, as if waiting for him to say something else. When Robby doesn't, he goes to stare at his hands between his knees.
Robby clears his throat once more.
This time he waves the clear collection cup in his hand.
Langdon's face falls.
"Let's make this quick."
*
Langdon misses his shift one random morning, which rubs Robby the wrong way.
Langdon never misses a shift. He's borderline addicted to his job. Frankly (no pun intended), Robby's concerned.
When he asks Dana, she tells him he asked for a day off.
"But.. why?"
Dana sighs again. "I already told you. No clue. He didn't say, I didn't ask."
Robby smiles at her. "But you know everything."
Dana laughs. "Flattery will get you nowhere, Robinavitch, not around here."
"Had to try. Maybe I'll give him a call later... just to make sure Abby and the kids are alright."
Dana's smile dims. She sighs a full-body-sigh. "Heather said she'd seen him and Abby on the waiting room."
Robby's heart drops. "Here on the ED?!"
"No! No. We would have sent them in them by now. You're not the only one who cares about him, you know? No. She said they were by Dr Hagan's."
"Neuro?"
Hagan's an unpleasant man and an alright doctor, but Robby is more concerned about Abby or Langdon needing to meet with a neurologist. Secretly, deeply, he is hurt he didn't hear this from Langdon himself.
*
He's standing in front of the board, trying to decide what to do next. Cramps and vomiting, broken leg, fever a week post-op, whiplash and concussion.
"Dr Robby?"
He answers without looking away. "Yes, Dr King?"
She hesitates for a second.
"Can you come help us in Room 9, please?"
Robby frowns and sighs. "I might be going insane, but I swear I just sent Dr Langdon to check it out."
Mel hesitates once more.
Robby turns to look at her. He makes sure his face is relaxed, so she doesn't think she's the one in trouble.
Where the fuck is Langdon then?
She twirls her hands, fingers pulling at the edge of her scrubs.
"You did."
Robby closes his eyes, massages his temples with his finger tips.
"Did Dr Langdon not do as I instructed?"
Fuck, can't trust him for anything, it seems.
"No, he did. It's just." She comes closer, like she doesn't want anyone to hear. "The patient recognized him from NA meetings and he refuses to be treated by Dr Langdon."
Robby groans, clutching his head. He feels bad, for a second, for doubting Langdon before storing that feeling away. It's not like the mistrust is unwarranted.
"I'll be right there, Dr King."
Once he's there, he tries to tell the patient he won't have him doubting the abilities of his residents. That Dr Langdon is a fucking good doctor.
The words don't come.
*
The lump snoring on the break room couch looks suspiciously like his favorite resident.
He doesn't turn on the light, like he normally would. Only because today was a hard day for Langdon and he needs the kid to rest.
Instead he walks over and shakes his shoulder gently.
"Frank, wake up."
"'F'ck off."
A loud laugh escapes Robby. The noise likely bothers Langdon because he squirms, burying his face deeper in the cushions.
"Come on, Frank!"
"Leave me 'lone. Wanna sleep forever."
"No can do, you've got a wife and two kids to get home to."
That gets him sitting up albeit slowly, lethargically. He stretches and winces, a hand on his lower back.
"Jesus, fuck, I'm exhausted."
"Come on." Robby pats his back. "Don't want you passing out behind the wheel, I'll drive you."
"What about my car?"
"I'll pick you up tomorrow."
"You're lucky i'm too tired to argue."
"That I am."
Later, they're parked in front of Langdon's house. The kitchen light is still on. The little car Robby got Tanner for his third birthday is in the front lawn.
Langdon doesn't get out immediately. He lingers with his hand on the door.
"You know, if I'd-"
"Let me stop you right there."
"But-"
"Nope."
"You don't know what I was gonna say."
Robby looks over at Langdon, though he is looking down at his hands.
"There was no way to save that little girl and you know it. You're a good doctor, Frank, but you're not god. You tried your best and sometimes that's all we can do."
"I just - wish things would have gone different."
One moment, Langdon's hands are shaking and the next he sighs and it's like nothing ever happened at all. He squares his shoulders and smiles, a brittle thing.
"Thanks for the ride. I'll see you tomorrow. Got some kids to tuck in, a wife to apologize to, you know the drill."
He steps out of the car, but remains in front of the open door.
Robby smiles and nods. "You better not make me wait tomorrow, I'm not being late because of your sleepy ass."
Langdon laughs though it falls flat. He looks real serious all of the sudden. "Listen, Robby, there's something I gotta tell you."
"Yeah?" Robby waits, parks the car again and eases his foot off the brake.
After a second, Langdon scrubs his face and smiles self-depreciatingly. "Nothing. Sorry."
"You did all you could, Langdon. Don't let it consume you."
Langdon nods. "Goodnight."
Robby watches him walk to his front door and waits until he's in to drive off.
He'll be okay, he thinks.
*
Langdon's late.
He keeps making himself harder and harder to forgive. It's one thing if he wants to lose his job and fuck up his life, it's another to leave the ED understaffed.
Robby has been trying to be more patient with him -after his conversation with Dana on the roof. But it's been hard. Langdon's an asshole on a good day and the last couple shifts have decidedly not been good.
A week ago, Langdon had rolled his eyes at him when Robby called him for a drug test. As if it were Robby's fault they were having to do that.
Then, they had a very public disagreement about a procedure, which culminated in Robby pulling rank and telling Frank to shut up and listen.
And like that wasn't enough, just a few days ago, he saw him with Jake at the park. Jake, who still was not talking to Robby. Jake, who had not forgiven him for Leah's death.
(The sight of them playing basketball together, laughing and fooling around, was enough to send Robby spiraling. A deep, festering pain made home in his stomach.)
And now, today, it's half past seven and still he's no show.
"I swear to fucking god, Dana, he's running out of chances here."
She's standing before him, hands on her hips. She opens her mouth to answer when a call comes through.
"Gimme a second, this conversation isn't over."
She puts the receiver up to her ear and, after some seconds, confirms she copied.
"Let's get two rooms ready! We got a hit-and-run," she yells out from the hub.
"33-year-old male struck by a vehicle at high speed. BP is at 90/60, heart-rate elevated at 115 and oxygen levels at 95%. Probable internal bleeding from blunt force trauma. He got hit after pushing his child out of the way. 5-year-old kid no apparent internal bleeding or severe injuries, but he is extremely distressed. Tacky at 110, hypotensive and shallow breaths. They're about ten minutes out."
"Alright! You've heard Dana. Dr Mohan and Dr Javadi, you take the kid. Dr King and Dr Collins take the dad."
"We've got Trauma one for the dad and let's take the kid to room 22," Perlah, having checked the rooms are clean and stocked, tells them.
Dana nods. "Thanks Perlah."
They walk out to the ambulance bay to wait.
Heather stands at his side without a word. As always she can read him in an instant. She frowns at him, like she's asking him what's wrong.
He bristles and shakes his head. I'll tell you later, it means.
His watch says 7:55. He breathes deeply and controls his temper. His voice is firm but stern when he talks.
"Dana, could you please check if Dr Abbot or Dr Shen can come in? We need someone to cover Dr Langdon."
Dana stares at him, but nods and walks back into the ED.
"Dr Langdon didn't show up?" Mel asks. Robby really doesn't want to talk about it anymore. (Especially not with Mel, who has grown quite close to Frank.) He presses his lips and raises his hands. Dr King frowns a bit at that, but they don't have time to continue to the conversation.
"Rigs are here!" Heather calls.
This part will get murky later. A couple of hours from now, Robby won't be able to recall exactly how things happened.
Because the ambulances pull up and they split up immediately. He approaches the first one, just behind Samira and Javadi. The paramedic, who he doesn't recognize, steps out. They can hear small sobs coming from inside the rig.
"Five year old kid pushed into sidewalk by dad to avoid being hit by a speeding SUV. He's got some nasty abrasions on his face, hands and knees, but nothing too serious. You should definitely check his left wrist for fractures, we think it broke his fall. No apparent concussion." She sighs as she reaches for the gurney with Javadi. "We had to administer some sedatives, 0.025 mg of Midazolam. He was having a severe panic attack, kept asking for his father and wouldn't let us touch him. Vitals stable since the sedative. Kid got lucky... Dad not so much."
"Alright, we got him-" Robby's about to instruct Mohan to take him in, when two things happen at the very same time. He takes a look at the kid. Blue groggy eyes stare right back at him. Robby's heart drops to his fucking feet and a wave of nausea hits him. Just then, Heather calls out his name in a horrid voice. Fuck.
Robby bolts, leaving Javadi and Samira asking after him. He runs as fast as he can to the second rig.
No, no, no. He has a spare second to pray to a god he doesn't believe in. Don't let it be him, please.
"Robby! It's -"
"I know."
*
Robby had laughed, a bit insulted.
"He is not like me at all."
Adamson rolled his eyes. "Whatever makes you sleep at night, Michael."
"No," he insists. "He's stubborn and cocky and arrogant."
Adamson chuckled, "Yeah, and you let him get away with it."
"Maybe, but just because he's a fucking good doctor. A great doctor. Not just like - the medical part, he's also kind and selfless when he thinks there's no one watching."
Adamson raises his eyebrows. "Look at you coming full circle."
*
Abbot benches him.
Which isn't really surprising, but it is a bit stupid. It's not like he's the only one who cares about Langdon. Heather still worked on him. Mohan is the one who did CPR on him when he coded.
(Mel asked to switch with her on account of knowing Tanner. I can help calm him down, keep him company while Abby gets here.)
Abbot shocked him into sinus rhythm when they got him back to V-Fib. Mateo went for the ultrasound and Perlah set up his IV and the blood transfusion. They cleared an OR in under ten minutes and Garcia is leading an emergency thoracotomy.
So, yeah, it's a bit stupid that he was benched and nobody else was. They all know him, they all care about him.
I could have helped, instead of standing there like an idiot. He tells himself while he's puking his guts up in the bathroom. Shivers wreck his body as he gags again and again, even when he has nothing left to vomit.
He can't get Langdon's pale, bruised face out of his mind. Mouth overt with the intubation. His limp hand -the one where he wears the bracelet Millie made for him and his marriage ring- falling out of the bed. The sound of the flatline. Tanner's blue eyes barely recognizing him in the rig.
"Dr Robby?"
It seems in his haste he didn't even manage closing the stall door. He stands up quickly, trying to pretend he hadn't been barfing only a second ago. Whitaker is standing right in front of him, face all worried.
"Jesus! Whitaker. We should really stop meeting like this."
His attempt at humor falls flat.
"Are you alright?"
Robby sighs and steps out of the stall. He goes over to wash his hands, hoping Whitaker doesn't see them shake.
"Langdon's son - Tanner, I mean. He's asking for you," Whitaker says when he's decided Robby won't answer his past question.
Robby closes his eyes, fights another wave of nausea.
"Is Abby here yet?"
He makes eye contact with him through the mirror.
"No, Dana hasn't been able to reach her yet. Mel- Dr King said she has therapy in the mornings... She probably won't check her phone for a while."
Robby splashes some water on his face, willing the dizziness away.
"Alright, I'll be there in a second."
Whitaker doesn't leave. Robby washes his hands. He can't avoid feeling like they're dirty even though Frank's blood has long been scrubbed away.
"Did they say anything about the blunt force trauma exacerbating a pre-existing spinal injury?"
Whitaker pauses, before he mumbles out. "I don't, I don't know."
Which - of course, he's not on the case. He probably didn't even know about Frank's herniated disc. Robby needs to get his shit together. He shouldn't have said that.
He turns around and tries to smile softly at Whitaker.
"I know they took a CT, but I don't think they did an MRI just yet. Maybe when he gets out of surgery. I bet Dr Abbot's already paged neuro for a consult."
Robby nods. "Right, thanks Whitaker. Go make yourself useful, please."
*
It becomes a little tradition.
He'll go by their place and have dinner with Abby and the kids.
He keeps insisting he can host, so it's less work for her. She's refused every time.
There's a lot they don't talk about. Frank, for starters, is a forbidden topic. There's a lot of awkward silences, but they make do.
(It hurts to think it wasn't always like this. He was invited to their wedding. They used to go out and have dinner every once in a while. They asked him to be Millies' godfather, for fuck's sake. A title he's not sure he still is welcome to have.
They used to be close. They were family.
And now, he has dinner with her because he's afraid she's all alone.
He knows logically, she has her own friends. She's pretty close with McKay and Dana. Weirdly enough, she seems to be the closest with Garcia of all people. He knows Garcia's been checking on her as well, but it feels wrong not to look out for her himself.)
So he does his best to be kind. He plays with the kids, he washes the dishes, he says nothing when Abby falls asleep on the couch while the kids put on a movie.
Today it's past 9:00. Which means Millie has been asleep for a while and it is way past Tanner's bedtime. He takes him to his room and tucks him in, much to the kid's annoyance. Are you sure we can't watch another movie, Mr Robby?
He makes sure Millie's baby monitor is on and goes back downstairs to wake up Abby.
To his surprise, she's already awake, sitting on the couch with a cup of tea on her hands.
"You want some tea?"
"No," he answers. "I should get going. Thanks, though."
She stretches to lay the cup on the table and stands up. "I'll see you out."
They walk over to the door together. She opens the door out for him.
He's a few steps out of the door when she says, "I spoke to him today."
He turns around, but looks straight at the ground. He wonders if he'll ever be able to talk about Frank again without it breaking his heart. "Yeah? How's he doing?"
She shakes her head and smiles sadly. "He says he's okay, though that doesn't mean anything. He had a bad time detoxing, but apparently it's over now."
He swallows. "I'm glad." He makes eye contact briefly, before returning his face to the ground. He steps on a leaf, just to have something to do. It crunches under his foot.
"The psychiatrist there also gave him a 'script for, um - I wrote it down somewhere, but can't remember exactly. Adderall and serta-something."
Robby nods. "Sertraline. It's an anti-depressant."
She bites her lip and stretches her arms. "Yeah... Well, I won't keep you any longer. Thanks for coming by."
"You tell me if you need anything, alright?"
*
Tanner's been moved to the Peds Room. It has actual doors and not just curtains, so it is not too noisy - which has helped him calm down a bit.
The lights are dim when Robby gets there.
Tanner looks very small, laying down on the bed and hooked up to a heart monitor. He blinks slowly still loopy from the sedative.
Mel's sitting on a chair right next to the bed. She's passing a paper towel through his cheeks, drying his tears.
"Dr Robby, hey, we're just finishing up here. Tanner is being very brave."
At that, Tanner looks up and meets Robby's gaze. "Mr Robby?"
"That's me, kiddo. How are you doin'?" He walks over and sits on the bed.
Tanner just shrugs and more quiet tears leak out.
"He have a concussion?"
He has a small white patch of gauze on his face, where his chin met the pavement. The palms of his hands and on his knees have matching ones. All his abrasions have been cleaned and bandaged.
"No, just the small contusion on his jaw. He only needed stitches on his left knee. 3 sutures."
"Good," Robby answers.
"X-ray of his left arm?" Robby takes a moment to inspect said limb. It is bruised up and swollen, lying above an ice pack.
"Hasn't come back yet."
Robby hums. Tanner is looking at the bandage on his right hand. "Hey Tanner?"
He turns to look at Robby.
"Your arm hurt?"
Tanner's breath hitches. "Yes."
Robby reaches over and pats his hair. Tanner relaxes into his touch and reaches over with his right hand. Robby takes his small hand on his own.
"You're being very brave Tanner. You're doing so good."
Tanner nods. "Can I see m' dad now? Please? If you -if you tell h'm I'm scared he'll come, I'm sure."
Mel makes a small noise, deep in her throat. Robby looks at her for the first time. Her eyes are glassy and her breathing's picked up a bit.
"Mel? Go take ten, alright? Drink some water, eat something."
She leaves without a word, walking out tensely.
"Look Tanner," Robby starts, trying to pretend this isn't Tanner Langdon, just some other patient. His voice keeps betraying him. "Your daddy's very hurt. Some doctors are looking after him right now, alright? He can't come right now, but your Mom is coming. That sound okay?"
New tears spring out of his eyes and a small sob escapes his mouth. "I want my dad, please."
Robby wipes his tears with his thumb. "I know, I know."
"Mr Robby?" Tanner says, finally. After a few minutes of tears. "Can you stay with me?"
"Yeah, kid, I'll be here."
*
"You ever talk to Langdon?" Robby asks, hoping it sounds casual.
Dana stops writing on the patient's chart and looks over at him. "Frank Langdon? The resident?"
"Yep." He pops the p with his lips.
Dana shakes her head increduosly. "Of course I've talked to him? He works here. Are you having a stroke?"
Robby laughs. It feels good to laugh, right now, when everything's falling apart. When he hasn't touched anybody in months. He hasn't seen Janey or Jake since the quarantine was called. He misses them so much it hurts.
"I mean... actually talked to him. Like, do you know what he's like?"
"Robinavitch, do you have a crush? What is up with this questions?"
They laugh so hard Dr Adamson shushes them from the other side of the ward, where he's filling a chart of his own. They turned the entire ED into a COVID treatment zone. Though the hazmats muffle their voices, they still have to be quiet.
"No reason," he tries.
She raises an eyebrow.
"Okay, fuck, you can't tell anyone. I don't think he'd appreciate this getting out," he sighs. "I saw him sleeping in his car last night."
Dana's smirk is wiped off instantly. "What?"
"I asked and, well, turns out his girlfriend's very pregnant and apparently they live on a shitty one-room apartment and he doesn't wanna risk it. Like getting her sick. He told her he's staying at a hotel and he was, but he ran out of money... ergo car. So I offered him a place to stay."
Dana stares at him for a couple seconds, mouth agape. "Jesus, Robby."
"I know. So he's been crashing at my couch, which must be hell on his back, but at least it's not a car -"
"I knew there was something going on with you. You, Michael Robinavitch, are a big softie-"
Robby ignores her. "So I'm asking, you know, in case he's a crazy person who's gonna murder me in my sleep and steal my penny collection."
"Does Janey know? She's going to freak! This just in, folks. You heard it here first: Robby actually has a heart."
*
By the time surgery is done, Abby has already arrived.
She comes into Tanner's room and immediately picks him up into a hug. She sits down on the side opposite to Robby and lifts Tanner's upper body gently, cradling him.
She minds the cast on his arm. Mel and Robby already signed it in an unsuccessful attempt to cheer him up.
"My baby," she whispers. "You're okay, you're alright."
It's clear by her red face and swollen eyes she'd been crying. She manages to remain calm in front of Tanner, though - which is good because they last thing they need is for him to have another panic attack.
Tanner does start crying when he sees her, but he is not agitated. The day seems to have drained him.
Abby looks up from Tanner's head over to Robby.
"Is he okay?"
She scoots back and holds her son at a distance to observe him properly.
"Yeah, he'll be okay. He got some cuts on his chin, hands and knees. All of them have been cleaned. Most of them quite shallow - only one needed stitches."
Abby nods desperately. "Alright, okay, you're okay, baby. You're fine." He kisses his head.
Tanner muzzles into her, going limp in her arms. "Is that fine? Why is he sleeping? Shouldn't he -"
Robby reaches over and places his hand on her shoulder. "He had to be sedated. Wait - It was a small dose, it has no negative side effects. He was very scared by what happened. He had a panic attack, okay?"
"Fuck, fuck, okay. He's alright?"
Robby nods. "He'll be okay. They're only keeping him to monitor him because of the sedation, alright?"
She lays him down softly over the bed, taking care not to aggravate his injuries. She finally starts crying, though she tries to be quiet.
"And Frank?"
Robby sighs, tries desperately to fight the tears that threaten to come out.
"They haven't finished surgery. I didn't want to leave Tanner alone, so - I'll go check if there are updates, alright?"
"Thank you, yes, please. God, Robby. I - I can't. I can't lose him."
Robby's heart is about to beat out of his chest. "I know."
*
It is Dana who finds him on the roof this time.
He is staring at the building north of the hospital like it holds the answers to all his problems.
"Your shift ended hours ago, Robinavitch."
He startles, but doesn't turn around. This shift went on forever. Someone had a seizure behind the wheel and crashed into a convenience store. Ten injured, one dead. A young man barely twenty one. He and Langdon had tried reviving him for long, longer than was realistic.
She walks over to him, resting her arms beside his on the railing.
"D'you think I need to forgive him?"
He doesn't need to tell her who he's talking about.
"I can't tell you what to do."
"Never stopped you before."
Dana snorts.
The city is so full of life at night. He can hear music and cars and people.
"You've forgiven him."
The wind is chilly and he shivers. He has his coat on his hands, but he makes no effort to put it on. Just a couple minutes ago, the horrible heat of a busy ED was making him gag. He concentrates on the breeze ripping through his scrubs.
"Yes, I have." She doesn't waver.
"Why? How? I can't even look at him without thinking about it.
"He - I trusted him. Blindly. Never once doubted him. I - Why would he do that? We would have helped. We would have gotten him another neurologist, helped him look for drug alternatives, helped him - fuck, anything. Stealing drugs from patients, Jesus Christ. When did it get that bad? Why didn't he say anything? Why didn't I notice?"
Dana leans and rests her head on his shoulder.
"You don't have to forgive him if you don't want to. He broke your trust, he endangered patients, he broke the law
"I forgave him because, well, I truly think he felt like there was no other choice. Addiction's a messy thing, Robby. It blinds and distorts. Pain too. I didn't think it would be beneficial for anybody not to forgive him.
"He's a good man and he's trying very, very hard not to fuck up again. And I love the kid, you know? He might be an asshole, but he's a bit like a son to me. Ew, no, more like a distant but beloved nephew."
"It won't be easy," she finishes, after some moments of silence. "If you decide to forgive him. But I found hearing him out is a good place to start."
"He won't talk to me. He avoids me all the time."
She laughs at that. "Yeah, well, you don't exactly make it easy for him."
*
Tanner has finally fallen asleep. Not like, fitful dose, but proper sleep.
Robby and Abby are still sitting down on the bed. Garcia and Abbot walk in and take the chairs.
"When Frank came into the ED," Abbot starts. "He was suffering from internal bleeding caused by severe blunt force trauma to his chest. The loss of blood caused him to go into hypovolemic shock - which means, the blood loss was significant enough it was affecting the oxygenation of his organs. We managed to reverse that with a transfusion."
Abby has started crying again, quietly. The tears run down her face, but she makes no sound. Her hand is wrapped tightly around Robby's forearm. The other is combing Tanner's hair softly.
"Unfortunately, he also broke a couple ribs from the impact, which led to a pneumothorax. Basically, his lung was perforated by the rib and collapsed. Because of that, Frank went into respiratory distress, which once again meant his organs weren't getting enough oxygen. He went into cardiac arrest shortly after."
Abby starts sobbing, her hand on her chest. Robby thinks he's going to be sick again. He doesn't know why this keeps happening on this fucking room. Why he keeps losing people he loves here.
"We managed to get him back pretty quickly. We sent him to surgery immediately."
Garcia keeps going.
"We managed to find the source of the bleeding - his liver- pretty quickly, which enabled us to fix it before catastrophical blood loss," she assures them. "We also did a thoracotomy to fix his collapsed lung. All in all, the surgery went as good as can be expected. He's in the ICU right now, intubated and sedated to avoid straining his lungs and to watch out for any delayed internal bleeding.
"We will wean him off the sedation in the next couple of days, depending on his vitals. Obviously, we won't give him any benzodiazepines, but we can get him some meds that ensure he's not too much in pain."
"So he's going to be alright?" Abby begs.
Garcia sighs and reaches over, grabbing Abby's hand. "I don't want to understate - he was very hurt, Abby. And the next 48 hours are critical. But, yes, it is my professional opinion that he'll manage a complete recovery."
"Thank God." Robby's voice finally works. He breathes deeply, tries to remain calm. "And his back?"
Abby gasps, like she hadn't even thought of that.
"The CT and MRI do not indicate any further damage to his herniated disc. We do not expect any aggravation of his previous injury," Abbot replies.
In an unprecedented display of emotions, Garcia stands up and pulls Abby into a tight hug. Abbot and Robby remain sitting, but Jack still reaches over and claps Robby's back.
"He'll be okay."
*
"Come on!" Langdon screams at the TV. "That so warranted a penalty!"
They're having beers at Robby's house.
(Technically, Jake can't drink just yet, but well it's better that he learns to drink at home than at some party in the middle of nowhere, right?)
"It doesn't really matter if it should have been a penalty. The ref didn't call it. So no penalty. Your team's still losing, Langdon," Jake says, between sips.
"Oh, shut up. They'll score in a couple of minutes and you'll have to put your money where your mouth is."
Robby doesn't understand soccer, so he has no clue what they're arguing about. It's funny to see them interact though. They fight a bit like they're siblings - he doesn't know what that makes him. But still it's funny to witness.
"Be quiet, Langdon! I'm tryna think what I'll buy with the twenty dollars you'll owe me."
*
Langdon wakes up a couple days after he is extubated.
Tanner has been discharged and sent home, where Garcia's looking after him and his sister. Abby and Robby are right there with Frank.
They have to sedate him again.
He wakes up extremely agitated. He seems to have some vague memories of the accident and becomes overwrought when he doesn't see Tanner.
*
"Put on a jacket, Frank! You'll catch your death."
It's Christmas Eve and Langdon got the short end of the stick. Hopefully it'll be a easy shift, but Robby knows better than you wish for that out loud.
Frank's up in the roof. His shoulders rise slightly when Robby speaks.
A bit concerned, Robby goes to stand next to his resident.
Frank doesn't look at him.
"Is everything okay?"
Frank breathes deeply and smiles. "Yeah, yeah," he clears his throat. "Everything's good."
Robby would do the same thing to Adamson. He's familiar with the lie enough to recognize it on Frank's face.
"Are you sure? I'm worried 'bout you."
Frank falls a bit at that. His voice comes out thick and he has to start a couple times, before actual words come out. "I- I'm. I'm just so tired. I feel like there's something wrong - I don't know. I'm sorry I've made you worry. Just, yeah."
Robby pats his back, messes up his hair a bit. "Hey, don't apologize, alright? That's what I'm here for."
Frank chuckles. "Pretty sure worrying about your residents ain't part of your job description."
Robby frowns. "I don't worry about you because you are my resident."
The rest is left unsaid, though Frank appears to understand because he smiles.
*
He wakes up again, for good this time, a couple hours later.
Abby has finally left to go get some sleep. They have not let Tanner see him.
While actually seeing Frank might give Tanner some reassurance his dad is alright, they are scared that Langdon's state will only make him more anxious. So - no visitation, for now.
Robby's practically been here the whole time. He's gone through the chart a couple times, napped, checked his vitals, read the chart again. He's even eaten two disgusting tuna sandwiches Abbot gave him.
You mention it, he's done it. Now, he simply looks at Frank's face, whilst silently holding his hand.
It feels wrong on every level for Frank to be here. Hurt and still and so very unlike him. Robby sighs.
He thinks inexplicably of Adamson. Of Jake.
Tanner asking for his dad.
Robby never felt that certainty that his own father would come to him simply because he was needed. Simply because Robby was afraid. He was never sure he could count on his dad. Not as a kid. And not now.
He did, however, know Adamson would be there always. Without a doubt.
A squeeze of his hand. Blue eyes looking up at him.
"Hey," he breathes out. "Hey, Frank, you're okay. Everything's fine. How are you feeling?"
Frank frowns, confused and in pain. His face falls and he goes white. On the monitor, his heart rate soars. "Tanner-"
Robby stands and takes a seat on the bed. He puts one hand on Frank's shoulder.
"Hey, look at me! Tanner is alright, he is safe at home. Abby's with him."
Frank looks at him, eyes scanning his face as though looking for the lie. "Do you swear? If something's -"
"Frank, you got him out of the way, alright? It was you who got hit by the car. He's fine."
He starts to cry, a dam breaking. "Fuck, I thought-"
"I know, but he's fine, alright? And you'll be fine too."
Frank nods and takes a deep breath.
Robby returns to his chair. Frank's hand twitches and Robby takes it up again without a word.
"I'm sorry, Robby," he hiccups out. "For all of it."
Robby smiles. "I'm sorry too. We'll talk about it later, alright? Get some rest, kid."
Frank nods once more. "You'll stay here?" His voice is small and unsure.
Robby's heart is in his throat. "Yeah, I'll stay here, Kid."
Frank closes his eyes and falls asleep almost immediately.