Chapter Text
The sky about Yokohama shone midnight blue, silver moon rays casting delicate light rays through the windows of sleeping citizens. A soft breeze and the sound of rustled tree leaves, the sound of something dripping as heavy exhausted footsteps pushed towards their destination. Despite the calmness surrounding the city, an injured teenager could hardly feel its peaceful effects through his own physical agony. He sighed, at least the sky was pretty to glance at, but even glancing for too long was wasted effort and time he really didn’t have.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
A shame, he’d only just bought this shirt after his old one was torn on a mission.
Dazai stalked up to the door of Chuuya’s apartment, clutching his side desperately with every pained step. Blood stained his white button up a dark ruby red. It hurt so deeply, every step a blinding agony hat made him grit his teeth. His phone was dead, because of course it was, that was just his luck, and he’d walked half a mile to even get here. He slowly pulled himself up the front step, slamming his fists against the door. He didn’t have time to lockpick. He wanted to die, it was a constant urge in his brain as the hopelessness of his own existence was constantly called into question by his own lack of feeling.
The inhuman coldness of his ability stirred angrily inside him, furious and refusing to leave him. His curse forced him to press on despite how easy it would be to just lay down and bleed out. So yes, he’d wanted death, since he was a child, and desperately so, but not like this. Not by the hand of an enemy that got too close off mission. Not alone. Not with only No Longer Human for company.
Please, let me see him one more time.
He wasn’t sure who he was asking that to, he just had a sense that he knew he was begging something. And was it the blood loss making him lightheaded and confused, or did he feel someone’s presence within himself now? It was a strange dizzying sense of abnormal wrongness, the pain on his side lessening slightly to give way to a burning sensation in his skin. Was this death? It’s stranger than he imagined. Hopefully it would come soon.
He didn’t want to be scared.
It didn’t make sense, he wanted this. For his whole life. For god’s sake, how many times had he attempted to drown before? Why was it different now? Even if it wasn’t painless. He wasn’t scared-
Chuuya opened the door.
He was terrified.
His partner stood, slack jawed and wide eyed. Dazai smiled, sweet, soft, kind.
“Aren’t you honored, Slug?” He choked out, finding dark amusement in catching his partner so off guard. “I chose to die with you.” He stumbled against the door frame as he heard Chuuya suck in a breath. “What the fucking hell?!” He shouted, angry, scared. Scared, like Dazai. “What did you do now!? It’s always something like this with you! Bastard, I swear, you make me worry like this on purpose. God, Dazai, why didn’t you call Mori?!”
“My phone died.” He grunted, whimpering as chuuya scooped him up with urgency. He grinned weakly. “Aww, just like getting married. I’m happy Chuuya likes me so much.” He chuckled, his cheeks damp with tears. Real tears, emotional ones.
Thank you for this gift, cruel existence.
Chuuya laid him gently on the couch, hyperventilating, keeping pressure on the wound. “Keep your hands there!” He shouted aggressively. “Don’t you dare die on me! Don’t, shitty Mackerel, you keep your hands pressed on the wound or I’ll go down to hell myself and pull you out just to beat your ass!” He threatened. It might have been because of Arahabaki’s power, but he believed Chuuya wholeheartedly. He smiled. Cussing like mad and blubbering like an angry baby, that was his Chuuya.
“My dear Chuuya.” He chuckled, chuuya gently brushing his long hair from his face. “Such humanity.” He whispered, meaning every word. His human nature blinded Dazai. It gave him the sense that, if he too stood in his light, in his anger, he might get to pretend to be human. If just for a little while. Chuuya called Mori on his phone, explaining the situation in tears. Dazai didn’t listen, it wouldn’t be long now. Chuuya, ever soft hearted, was still foolishly attempting to save him. Pulling out the spare rolls of bandages he kept close for this very reason. But the blood wouldn’t stop as his hands shook.
“You asshole! Why are you fucking leaving me!? Mori, shit, he told me not to worry and just hung up like it didn’t even matter. But you matter to me, so you can’t die! I won’t let you!” He grunted feircly, tightening the bandages fruitlessly. Dazai simply cupped his face with his palm, causing Chuuya to still. “Chibi, stop. It’s ok. You’re only wasting bandages, the- ” He cut himself off with a pained hiss. Wow, this wound was brutal. Like a hot poker being constantly jammed into his side. Why wasn’t he just dead already? He really wouldn’t mind speeding this whole process up. If he had enough strength, he would have shot himself in the head with his pistol by now. Waiting was so painful it was almost boring. Plus, he was pretty sure he was giving poor Chuuya a heart attack by being here like this. It was awkward to sit through. Subtle guilt burned in his chest.
“…the bleeding is too much. Please, just… Can you hold my hand?” He whimpered. Softly, pathetically gentle. He couldn’t find it in himself to care about appearing weak in his final moments. Mori could go to hell, Dazai was dying how Dazai wanted to. Even if he couldn’t control the method.
Chuuya didn’t hesitate, but he did look furious. “How.. how could you do this to me? Why- why do you always fucking do this? I need you!” Chuuya yelled, far louder that he needed to be in Dazai’s opinion, grabbing onto his partner’s hand so tight he could hear the bones creaking. Dazai furrowed his brow as he felt the room spin.
“Chuuya, I feel weird. ‘M hot.” He whined, shutting his eyes tightly. “I feel like I’m dying. It feels like my life is ending. I can’t quite explain it- it’s strange. I feel like I’m ending.”
“You’re not dying, Osamu. I won’t let that happen. You wanna die to some randos blade? I should be the one to kill you, no one else!” He sobbed, arms now wrapped around Dazai’s whole arm. “You owe me that much! You haven’t paid me back for that icecream cone last week yet! I still gotta beat you at the arcade, so you can’t die!” Chuuya’s voice was angry and raw. A heartbreaking thing, even someone as apathetic as Dazai could feel his hurt and frustration. He pulled his free hand up to his face, eyes widening at the gold rippled under his skin. Was he hallucinating? Everything hurt. It was definitely some kind of death, but for some reason, it didn’t feel final. His instincts told him to be alert, to expect danger. They didn’t understand that the danger had passed, and he was basically dead already. Why couldn’t he just rest already?
“S’Not my fault this happened, I was just out at the arcade… ‘didn’t expect to be ambushed. Shot the bastard dead, but well… looks like he returned the favor more or less.” He laughed bitterly. Chuuya kept crying, breathless, and Dazai decidedly ignored the subtle ache in his heart from the sight of it. “You walked all the way here with a dead phone, just to find me?” He sounded in disbelief.
“Nah, I just happened to remember I didn’t feed my dog before I left.” He teased, and the redhead tightened his grip with a snarl.
“Asshole!”
“But you love me for it.” He teased, smirking. Chuuya shook his head fiercely.
“I- I can’t lose my partner. And fuck, you’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to a best friend. I know we fight, I know we piss each other off, but Dazai! You’re the only person who fucking understands me, and I can’t lose that!” He yelled, almost breathlessly sobbing as the blood began to seep out of the new layers of bandages. Chuuya struggled to breath as he gripped Dazai’s arm tightly, reminding the other teen of how a child might hug a teddy bear when afraid. Dazai just wished he had the strength to hug him back. He could admittedly do with a teddy bear right now, too.
How odd. He hadn’t felt his age in years. He hadn’t felt like a child in years, despite still being one. This was another blessed mercy death was granting him, it seemed. The ability to accept he was just a scared kid at the end of the day. It was more mercy than he thought he deserved.
“Chuuya, listen to me.” He interrupted his friend’s cries. “Breathe slowly, ok? You… You’re so human. Your anger, your fire… it’s raw and it is brilliant, it’s vibrant and wonderful. Never lose it, ok? Don’t let anyone, not Mori, not even my memory, control you. You should continue to show your brightness everywhere. Definitely not Mori, in fact, that asshole isn’t invited to my funeral. If- if he does decide to come, make him sit in the corner and face the wall.” He joked, earning a wet laugh from Chuuya who nodded, then stopped to shake his head.
“There isn’t gonna be a funeral, because you’re not dying- ”
“Don’t be silly, Slug. This is what I wanted. You should be happy for me.” He chuckled, tears pricking in his eyes, smiling as he turned his head to face his partner. “It wasn’t constant, but sometimes, when it was just us out on a mission or- or getting high at your apartment, you made me feel like a person. You made me experience emotions. Rarely, but they were definitely there. Anger, annoyance, worry. …even, perhaps, a type of love. Or as much as I’m capable of loving anyone. I’m not sure what kind of love, but it was definitely there for you.” His voice was soft. Chuuya sucked in a breath, choking on a sob.
Dazai snickered. “Chuuya likes cheesy stuff? What a sap.” He teased. Oddly, distantly, something felt… off. As if strength was returning to him. Maybe he was just imagining it? He swore he felt energy surge through him, his voice ceasing its wavering. “By the way, I want you to start wearing an eye bandage. Not for any depressing reason like keeping my memory alive or whatever, but because I like to imagine you accidentally running into a wall. Whenever you do that, you’ll think of me.” He grinned. “I’ll cause you inconveniences from beyond the grave that way.”
Chuuya shook his head, but then his brow furrowed. “Dazai, your skin is… it’s glowing.” He said, voice in whispered shock. Dazai shot him a concerned look. “It feels weird. I think I’m dying but…” he moved to sit up.
“Your wound, you idiot!” The tearful redhead insisted. Dazai stared down at his hands, gasping as they glowed almost white.
“What the hell…?”
“Dazai?” The redhead’s voice was so soft and broken. Dazai cursed his own existence for bringing out that tone in him. Death couldn’t come soon enough.
“I think you need to get back from me…” he said suddenly, staring at the gold glow enveloping his hands and body. Chuuya did back off, but only a step. “W- what’s going on? Tell me how to fix it!” He begged. At least, Dazai is pretty sure that’s what he said. As pain exploded from his body though, it became less and less easy to understand what was being said to him. He clutched his head, stumbling to his feet.
“Fuck, I feel like I’m being split apart!” He cried, staggering far away from his friend. The glow was getting brighter. “I don’t- Chuuya, I don’t know what’s happening to me. But.. ” He met Chuuya’s gaze, green eyes meeting blue, perhaps for the last time. “But I think I’m gonna be fine.”
Then, the glowing energy exploded from his body in all directions, and his vision went white.
For a second, a single blessed second, he didn’t exist. Nothingness comforted him. He reached out to death, begging for it. Pleading. Asking to be taken into its gentle waiting arms like he had done so many times before. He didn’t want an afterlife. He didn’t want to exist anymore. All he wanted was eternal darkness and peace.
But alas, not even death wanted one as wicked as himself, apparently.
Dazai opened his eyes.
The teen saw a figure standing in front of him. Blinking a few times, the image came into focus. A boy, a hardwood floor under the two of them, an overhead ceiling fan, The image was now clearer than before…before what?
Where was he, what had happened? Who was talking to him? Did he know this place? He felt like he should. He distantly realised he was standing upright, and dizzily caught himself on the arm of the couch, the mysterious figure backing up a step to call out his name in surprise. His head was filled with streams of information.
-
Where am I? Stupid question, not important right now. I should know this. I’ll remember later. So why don’t I know this? I must’ve forgotten. What happened? I regenerated. I don’t know what that means! I don’t remember how I knew that! What the fuck is happening!?
-
His mind screamed at him, and he grit his teeth as the whispers got louder, consuming his every thought. Dizzying and disorienting, difficult for him to keep track of.
-
What am I? A Timelord. A Timelord? Half Timelord. How do I know that name? I don’t remember. Why is the world so fuzzy? Regeneration. Did I die? Yes, and no. Am I human? Definitely not. Half Timelord half human. I remember something- But it’s distant. Why does it hurt? Birth is always painful. I’m sorry. How do I help myself? Knowledge. New knowledge that I didn’t know before.
The digits of pie are 3.1415926535 8979323846 2643383279 5028841971 6939937510 5820974944 5923078164 0628620899 8628034825 3421170679 8214808651 3282306647 0938446095 5058223172 5359408128 4811174502 8410270193 8521105559 6446229489 5493038196-
-
Then, glorious hearing appeared, and Dazai’s world alighted with colour as he gasped. The familiar rumbling voice, the shock of red-orange hair, the tacky hat.
“Chuuya…?” He tried, but his voice was unusual, softer, slightly higher than before. He licked his mouth, and found out his teeth no longer felt like his own. How odd. No Longer Human buzzed under his skin, colder than before. As if trying to nullify himself somehow. He sat up suddenly, swallowing nervously.
Meanwhile, the redhead flinched, scrambling back. “No way… Dazai?!” Chuuya looked just about ready to vomit from stresss and shock as his voice shook. Dazai ran a hand through his (much shorter) hair.
“What happened to me… I- I was dead. Shit, Chuuya, I died. For a second, a real true second… Do you know what happened? My heads all fucked up.” He asked, utterly in disbelief, miserably frowning. His partner didn’t reply. “Chuuya, I don’t even know what’s happening.” He swallowed dryly, completely thrown off. “I'm all wrong. I shouldn’t be like this.” He muttered, mostly to himself. Chuuya’s gaze softened as he took a slow, deep breath. “Hey, mackerel- ”
“Yes, slug?” Dazai cut in instinctively, absentmindedly catching the way Chuuya’s expression softened even further despite Dazai’s sharp tone.
“So it’s really you…” The shorter teen trailed off, scrubbing his tears off his face with his sleeve. Dazai nodded. “I- I think so. Who else would I be?” The words came off like a joke, but to Dazai, it was very much a real question. He was taller than before, and his wound couldn’t be felt. “I sound different, and my teeth feel off. Like I’m just left of the person I used to be. I feel new. But- but I’m scared, and I don’t want to be scared.” He suddenly gasped, clutching his head in his hands.
-
Calm down. I am calm, can’t I see that? No, I’m panicking. The human parts of me are panicking. How do I get them to shut up? Think of something to calm down. Like what?! linear Diophantine equations.
Linear equations with two variables to degree one. Too vague. Too many possible factors. I want to work out specific questions. With one variable, we could have-
3x+5=0, (3/2)x +7 = 0, 98x = 49
Or with two-
y+7x=3, 3a+2b = 5, 6x+9y-12=0
And three could be-
x + y + z = 0, a – 3b = c, 3x + 12 y = ½ z
But should I think of standard, point slope, or slope intercept forms? Doesn’t matter, I need to stop stressing the details and think. Perhaps a few of each? It wouldn’t take more than a couple seconds. How do I know how to do all of this?! I told myself it would help. I need to listen to myself more. Man, I’m insufferably full of myself for someone so suicidal.
-
There was a hesitant touch on his shoulder. He flinched away from it. “Chuuya, there’s- there’s so much information in my head right now!” He shouted, dropping to his knees with a thud. Chuuya was at his side in an instant, hand tightly on his shoulder.
“I- I don’t know what the hell happened to you, but you gotta breathe, Osamu. Just like me.” His voice shook as he let out a shocked laugh. “This is crazy, Dazai. You died and now… fuck, I don’t even know where to begin!”
“It hurts!” He shouted, blood dripping from his nose. “oh my god, I can think of anything! I know everything!” He exclaimed, finding himself laughing. Memories flashed in his mind. He remembered-
He remembered-
He remembered what happened before he met Mori in the hospital.
-
I need to calm down. I don’t want to calm down!
-
Like a switch had been flipped, Dazai’s elation at his new brain power turned into malicious rage. Cold fury settled inside him, briefly shaking him out of his disorientation. “Oh. Oh. Oh I am going to kill Mori with my bare fucking hands for not telling me about this.” He snarled viscously, cackling as he threw his head back, arms dropping to his sides, “I can’t believe it! I can’t even die right! I’m a failure! Ha! I should run over to his office right now and shoot him in the damn kneecaps! I- I should pin him like a butterfly on a Cork board and flay off his skin!”
Smack!
Pain sparked through Dazai’s cheek, and his brain instantly shut down its whirring, shock settling in, finding himself completely knocked down on his side.
“Snap out of it, you crazy asshole!” Chuuya barked, instantly cradling Dazai’s face in his hands with gentleness despite the harshness he inflicted moments before. “Dazai, look at me. Somethin’ weird happened, and it messed with your head. It messed with all of you, actually. It’ll pass, so just breathe, alright?” Dazai went tense, nodding slightly. Chuuya always knew what to do when he’d panic. He probably knew what Dazai should do right now. He breathed in and out. Just like Chuuya. The teen blinked slowly, staring down at his hands and studying them. They were larger now. Thinner, less tanned. His nails had gotten longer, and his familiar scar that peaked out just slightly out of his bandages was nowhere to be seen, or felt as he ran his fingers over where the cut used to be.
“I- I didn’t mean to freak out.” He huffed, hating the way his voice shook when he was so confused about everything else. “But my head feels like it’s about to explode. Like- like an inverse black hole centered within me- and like I can’t focus on one thing at a time because there’s so much new knowledge- CHUUYA!” Dazai shouted, feeling the sudden urge to projectile word vomit in his general direction. In the most fascinating, most wonderful, most human direction.
Chuuya was truly alive, and it made him grin widely.
Said teenager blinked in shock, too out of sorts to even react with a snappy insult like usual. “…yeah?”
“Your ability, it’s fascinating!” He exclaimed, suddenly pulling Chuuya in front of him, his mood completely switched. “You can collapse parts of reality itself, and it keeps your body contained! Your gravity manipulation- that isn’t all it is! I feel so stupid for not realising sooner!” He cackled, suddenly elated. Knowledge, it flowed through him, it nurtured him. He was clever before, no doubt about it, but now? Now, he was really thinking. Maths, science, philosophy, human history, it all came to him after only a second.
-
As I keep telling myself, knowledge helps. Gravity is so cool. I knew I liked Chuuya for a reason. Is that the only reason? No, but he doesn’t need to know that.
-
“You can create another being around yourself that can absorb hits and blows!”
His partner did not share his excitement, however. “Idiot, I already knew that! It’s my ability, remember? Some of this shit is just like, naturally ingrained in my brain for some damn reason. Probably ‘cause of the facility.” He frowned. Dazai frowned back at him, feeling silly for being so excited about it.
“Je ne vois pas pourquoi tu m'appelles stupide, petit Chibi, ton cerveau est là pour la décoration.” He stated with a firm look, Chuuya looked startled for the tenth time of the night. Seriously, that’s getting old. Dazai should invent a drinking game where every time he confuses or concerns chuuya he takes a shot. It would probably be a verified suicide method at this point. And it would annoy the living hell out of his friend, which is also a bonus. “Quand diable as-tu appris le français!?” He shouted incredulously, eyes now comically wide.
“Il y a environ trente-quatre secondes.”
“No you didn’t, you lying sack of shit!”
“Sois plus silencieux. Comme je l'ai dit, j'ai mal à la tête.” He dismissed with a wave of his hand, and Chuuya’s jaw went slack. “pourquoi es-tu encore pire en français ? qu'ai-je fait pour mériter un partenaire aussi bizarre?” He muttered, sounding almost resigned. It made Dazai smile despite how out of it he was feeling.
“I think can understand more. more than I ever thought I could. I can remember more, too. I remember my parents. or at least, I think that’s who they were? I’m not sure. Chuuya, I’m new, I’m -… je suis toujours Dazai, mais je suis nouveau. Tout ce que je sais, c'est que je me sens différent, un être humain complètement nouveau. Si… if I even am human anymore..” he finished, breathing heavily.
Chuuya frowned, this time more sorrowful. “Ne sois pas bête, mac, bien sûr que tu es humain. Écoute, je comprends, c'est dingue, mais tu dois te calmer. As-tu été touché par une capacité qui contrecarrait n'est plus humain?”
“tu ne comprends pas? I was never fully human!”
“Dazai, calm the hell down and explain yourself properly.” The shorter teen insisted exasperatedly as Dazai slumped onto his side. “But Chuuya, everything is different now… I’m different now.”
“My English really isn’t that good, asshole, I caught like two words of that, and one of them was my name.” He rolled his eyes, rubbing Dazai’s arm gently. “Stop showing off, just calm down, alright mackerel? Breathe, tell me what happened to you. In Japanese or French, preferably.” He pleaded softly, desperately confused. Dazai felt the same way. He cleared his throat, switching back to Japanese. The teen’s voice was dry, but he spoke anyway.
“It’s hard to explain, but I think I’m only half human.” He sighed, and Chuuya stilled at his side. “… are you serious?”
A silent nod in confirmation, and the room went silent for a few tense;y awkward seconds.
“…I’d say there’s no way, but I actually do believe you. There was all that light that came from your body. You look like a totally different person after all. If what you’re saying is true, then Jesus Dazai, are you an alien- or half alien I guess?” His voice was in quiet shock. Dazai nodded.
“Fucking hell, why are you like this?”
“Wait, hold on, I look different?” He asked, bewildered. The other boy nodded slowly. “You don’t know? You’re completely different. Different hair, different face, different skin. You’re a lot taller, you’re thinner. Literally a different person. I mean, your eyes… they’re not the same but I can still see you in them, you know? Whatever that means, I guess. They’re just brown instead of green now. You’re still Dazai, the same annoying bastard I’ve known for two years, even if you look totally different now.” He explained, almost as if he was reassuring himself as well as Dazai. At least he believed himself, as far as the other could tell.
“No, I don’t know. I had no idea I could do this… oh god, am I blonde?” He asked, tone wavering fearfully because he did absolutely not want to be blonde. Could you imagine? How embarrassing would it be to be in the mafia and be blonde? Elise should be ashamed of herself, he decided then and there. Chuuya just raised an eyebrow. “…no. Uh, you’ve got brown hair now. It’s a lot shorter but it’s more wavy.”
“Oh. Thank god. I think I’d kill myself.” He sighed in relief, watching as Chuuya frowned at his words. The trouble with talking to Chuuya is that he wasn’t an idiot and knew Dazai well enough to know what is and isn't a joke. A memory of Mori calling the two psychically linked after they exchanged a whole plan through pretty much eye contact alone popped into his head.
-
Holy shit, wait a second…
Oh goddamn it, we are psychically linked. Of all people to be linked to, it had to be my damn dog. Whatever, I’ll tell him that later.
-
“Being blonde isn’t a bad thing, the fuck?” Chuuya chuckled, looking somewhat relieved for the familiarity of their banter. Although, his hands were still shaking and he still looked on edge. Dazai rolled his eyes. “I never said it was, I personally just don’t want to be blonde. It would clash with my suit.” He explained, rather reasonably in his opinion, frowning as he looked at his bloodstained shirt. Chuuya brushed his own fiery wavy hair back as he studied his partner intently.
“You also look more Japanese than you used to. Before, you looked closer to half Hispanic. Hold on, let me get a mirror.” He stood up on shaking legs, stumbling over to his room. Dazai called out to him as he left.
“I- I remember fire. Smoke. The apartment I was staying in with some adults who took care of me, but weren’t my parents… and I remember the port mafia burning it down under the rule of the old boss, when I was 14, before I officially met Mori.” He rambled, hissing with vitriolic rage. Chuuya’s footsteps briefly stopped upon hearing this, and the (recently turned) brunette let out a sigh to calm down. “…I’m sorry.” Chuuya sighed. “The old boss, he destroyed everything for me too. For all of us. I’m glad Mori killed that fucker. I didn’t know he hurt you like that, Dazai.”
The teen boy just shrugged. “Don’t dwell on it. The only one there who I really knew was this guy called Shuji Tsushima. Other people would come and go, but he was a,ways around. He bought me food and blankets. He was kind, and we didn’t have much, but I think I cared about him. I tried to kill myself after, you know? That’s… that’s how Mori found me.”
Chuuya snorted. “On brand. But- but that’s a shitty hand to be dealt. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about your friend, and I’m glad your attempt failed. Even if you could have apparently done this the whole time.” He tilted his head at his partner, and dazai just shrugged once more.
“I think my personal grievance with the old boss made it easier to keep me from blabbing about it. That, and the blackmail Mori had over me obviously.” He shrugged. “It’s easy to be manipulated by someone if they give you what you want.”
There was a shared pause for a brief moment as Dazai’s words settled. “Yeah, Yokohama was dying under that old bastard’s rule. Sucks that you had to be quiet about it, and… I’m sorry for Shuji. At least he’s at peace now..” Chuuya agreed, and Dazai was silently grateful for the pitiless empathy. His tone was matter of fact, but it was genuine. Chuuya was also personally affected by the old boss, after all.
There wasn’t a person alive that lived in Yokohama during that time and didn’t suffer under the old port mafia’s rule. Be it from personal direct trauma like Dazai losing his caretaker, or fallout trauma like Chuuya having to live homeless on the streets for most of his life after being kept in that secret facility. Perhaps this was why Yokohamans were so weirdly protective of their turf. No matter what happened, every citizen wanted the best for the city in their own view. Violence and war bring that out of people, Dazai supposed. Him and Chuuya were connected by that damage even before they had met. Perhaps that was partly why they got along so very well beneath all the insults and fighting. Perhaps that wouldn’t of mattered. There was no way of knowing for sure.
“That’s another thing, actually.” Chuuya chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully. “Why the hell didn’t you know you could do this? Do you think Mori was aware?”
“I don’t know, he probably was!” He exclaimed, grabbing chuuya and sitting upright. “I’m so dizzy, Slug. My memories are all fuzzy and the world is so overwhelming. I- I don’t know what happened. I didn’t know I could do this, like I said. I think this is just what happens if I die. I can- I can regenerate. God, Chibi, isn’t that insane?” He laughed, wiping the blood from his nose. Chuuya wordlessly handed him his handheld mirror, flicking on the light switch. Dazai gasped at what he saw.
His long black hair, always tied in a loose ponytail, was now soft and chocolate colored, wavy. His skin lacked its previous freckles, his deep green eyes now a softer warm brown, only slightly darker than his hair. Long eyelashes and a rounder face. He turned his face at several angles, still in disbelief as his mind struggled with this new reality of his.
“…At least I’m handsome.” He said, getting a sudden laugh out of both himself and Chuuya. “You, handsome? Please, mackerels can't be handsome.”
“Neither can slugs, what’s your point?”
“Oi, I’m plenty handsome!”
“Exactly, I agree. Therefore, fish can be handsome too!” He happily declared, grinning as the redhead blushed and mumbled something vaguely angry sounding. “Don’t fret, my little doggy, you’re adorable. Pathetically tiny. It’s endearing.”
“Shut up! Why are you being so bitchy? Does being a new person make you cranky?” Chuuya snapped suddenly. He didn’t sound the least bit offended. In fact, despite his glare, he sounded very amused. Dazai gave a noncommittal wave of his hand. “I don’t know. Perhaps that’s just who I am now. I’m still figuring myself out, you know. It’s like I’ve been reborn for lack of a better term.” He sighed, leaning back against the couch. Quietly, Chuuya went to his coffee machine, making the two of them a cup each as Dazai stared at his hands and face in the mirror. All he could think about were equations to maths and science questions that had never been answered before. Light speed travel, teleportation, telepathy, medicine-
-
Time travel. Time travel? Time travel! Time and space travel! Of course!
-
“Drink. It’s hot, so be careful. You look like you’re about to have a crisis.” Chuuya mumbled, interrupting Dazai’s racing thoughts. He nodded once, blowing on it before taking a sip.
Then, he instantly spat it out.
“What the hell, you stupid asshole?! I told you it was hot!” Chuuya lectured snappily, shooting his partner a fierce glare.
“What did Chuuya do to it? It tastes different than normal.” Dazai accused sourly, sneering at the cup in disgust. The bitterness coated his mouth. What kind of maniacs drank coffee like this? Did Chuuya not have taste buds, or was he just stupid? Perhaps it was both. “My dog can’t make coffee correctly.”
“I’m not your dog, fuckass, and it’s normal coffee! Two sugars and no milk, dark roast. It’s what you always have.” He reasoned. Dazai shook his head as he put the cup harshly down onto his partner’s coffee table. “I refuse to believe I ever liked that. Coffee is disgusting- oh my god, I have new taste buds now!” He exclaimed, laughing suddenly. Chuuya seemed to calm down at this, but did startle at the sudden mood change. “…Damn, I guess if it’s a new body, you would have.” He agreed. “Still, ignoring the coffee, how’d ya feel? Mori told me not to panic on the phone and that you would be fine, and he even hung up. Which, wow, asshole move Boss, way to get me just to freak out more.” The redhead sighed tiredly. “But I think he knew you could do this. There’s no way he would have been so calm if he didnt.” He frowned contemplatively. “Which would mean that for some reason, he kept that information from you. I don’t… I don’t think he should’ve done that. This is your life, you know? You’re the one that the weird gold light affected. You’re the one that’s back from the dead as a brand new person, at least brand new in terms of looks.” Despite the conviction, Dazai could see in Chuuya’s eyes that his friend was silently asking if he was saying the wrong thing.
The brunette took a second to process this realization. Oh, of course he already fucking knew. He should have expected that.
Did Mori have any redeeming qualities? I mean, in fairness, neither did Dazai, but at least Dazai didn’t basically adopt a kid and lie to them their whole time together after they were emotionally vulnerable from a suicide attempt. Though, he might just be angry because it happened to him personally. Whatever, at least he could admit he was a bad person even in a new body. Maybe that’s what separated the two. Mori was always somehow convinced of his own rightness. That everything he did was ok because in the end Yokohama and the Port Mafia would benefit.
The brunette felt little to no remorse for all the people he’d killed and tortured, but he wasn’t delusional. He wasn’t in the right. He followed orders for his own safety and to understand death and life. Chuuya was the only person just as bloodsoaked as him who he hesitated to truly call a bad person. It felt too simple of a label for someone so utterly human. But Chuuya was, well, he was Chuuya. An exception to the rule in most things. Like how calmly he was handling this whole situation.
Maybe having a god in your head, being part of the mafia, and having the ability to manipulate gravity had desensitized him to unusual or frightening things. Dazai caught himself wondering distantly if Arahabaki was just as shocked as the two teens were by this phenomenon. He doubted Chuuya would ask right now. Maybe he could ask his friend later. After all, he was very curious.
“Well, it would have been appreciated for him to tell me the small details of how I’m half alien and can come back to life as a completely different looking person, but I guess that was too much effort to explain. Amazing. Wow, what a good boss. It’s not like if this happened on a mission or something everyone would be totally screwed. No, of course not.” He ranted, deadpan, the sarcasm coming naturally to him. Much more than before, when he’d silently watch everything happen around him and barely talk unless he was the one in control. He didn’t feel the need to stay quiet and emotionless anymore, despite acknowledging he was probably still more emotionally numb than others. He felt like he could be sarcastic and joke. It was a strange feeling, having an almost brand new personality. Something he wasn’t quite sure he could put into words. Chuuya sighed deeply. “You’re right, it is weird the boss never told you. I don’t know why he didn’t. I respect the hell out of him, but… but you’re right, that was damn stupid.” His voice was a whisper. That made sense, this conversation was essentially treason after all. Even in the safety of Chuuya’s apartment. Oh, that’s right! He remembered where he was now.
“This is insane.” Chuuya chucked. “I mean, shit, I’ve seen a lot of out there stuff before, and the fact I even exist is also pretty damn crazy, but this?” He sipped his own drink while Dazai nodded a little numbly. “It’s gonna take me a while to wrap my head around the fact aliens exist, and that you’re half alien yourself. What the fuck, by the way.” Dazai laughed at Chuuya’s blunt assessment. “You’re telling me. I’m the one who’s been suddenly reborn.”
“Should’ve known. There was absolutely no way you were ever normal.”
“That’s alien racist, Chuuya.”
“No, I bet all the other members of your alien race agree with me. This isn’t an alien thing, you’re just fundamentally really damn weird regardless of species.” He chuckled to himself as the other pouted petulantly. “Mean old dog.” He huffed weakly, hiding a grin as he dodged chuuya smacking him upside the head. Shakily, Dazai got to his feet. “How odd is this, hmm? I wonder how many times I can even do this. I can’t be immortal, right?” He asked. A sudden icy fear gripped his heart, because no. Please, God, literally anyone but him. That would be unfairly ironic of the universe.
The very concept of eternal life made Dazai sick to his stomach. He gave his partner a panicked look.
-
My life Is a joke. The only one who isn’t laughing is me.
-
“I absolutely cannot be immortal.” I insisted seriously. “Oh my god, Chibi! Of all people on planet earth, I am the one who should be immortal the least! What if suicide isn’t even possible for me anymore!?” He exclaimed, the sudden mood swing throwing both teens off as Dazai stumbled. “If I’m immortal, I’m killing myself. I don’t know how, but I will. The universe can go to hell, so can all of my weird alien species! Life is supposed to end, you can’t make me keep going!”
Chuuya hesitantly stood, frowning. “Calm down, shitty Dazai, and stop being dramatic. I don’t think immortality is even like, really all that possible. You’re probably just a lot harder to kill. Don’t freak yourself out, you’ve had a rough night. Actually, that’s one hell of an understatement. You’ve had maybe the roughest night I think anyone has ever had. You literally died and became a new person, cut yourself some slack while we figure this out, yeah? Whatever this even is. I’m freaking the hell out trying to wrap my head around this. Let me do the freaking out, alright? You did technically just die. I’m still recovering. Let me help you, asshole. ” He reassured him kindly, voice gentle and soothing despite the snappy tone, harsh yet soft in a way that was very very Chuuya. Dazai nodded.
“Chibi is right… but, I’m afraid he’s still going to have to catch me.” He said suddenly, and Chuuya paused. “The hell do you mean, catch you?” The redhead scoffed, expression incredulous. Dazai shrugged. “Silly dog, you’ve gotta catch someone before they pass out.”
“What-“
Dazai’s body suddenly slumped to the floor as his vision went black, dropping like a corpse. He could no longer hear Chuuya, but he was certain if he could, he would have heard enough cussing to make a sailor blush and clutch their pearls.