my love is on another planet

by sleepyfishsellingmeng

Summary:

After months of being imprisoned by the Autobots and refusing to say much aside from any attempts to insult Megatron, Starscream claims he’s been sparked, but won’t say by who.

Chapter 1: After Leaving Me

Notes:

I wanted to explore Earthspark again like my previous work for the show (which was post season 1), write something else, a parallel universe per say (which is an attempt to write something set Post Season 3).

Remember to mind the tags, this story is going to be a world of pain for those involved or so and as always many thanks to my beta reader: sparkybot for the help!

“How sure are we that he’s telling the truth?” Prowl said. He crossed his arms and looked at Optimus. “This is Starscream.”

“I know, Prowl,” Optimus said, quietly. “But he deserves to be listened to. Especially if what he’s saying is true.”

“You mean if it’s true that he’s gotten himself sparked,” Prowl said, a deep frown spreading across his faceplate, meeting Optimus’s concerned gaze. “Because who in their right mental load would get that guy sparked!?”

“Again. We’re not sure, Prowl. He won’t say.”

“Again, how sure are we that he’s not lying, Optimus?”

“I can’t imagine Starscream would lie about this.”

“Well, I do. I can’t help but consider the worst.” 

“Megatron says we should hear Starscream out,” Optimus acknowledged. “However, he’s also not sure who could’ve sparked him.”

 “And if Starscream isn’t sparked?”

“We’ll move on from there then, Prowl.”

Prowl let out a grunt, but increased his walking speed, Optimus following behind him. They made their way through their base and down to where Starscream was currently being held prisoner, where Elita and Megatron were already there waiting for them.

 “Ah…” Starscream said and he stared out at the two approaching figures, getting up to take a closer look. He ignored Megatron’s somber gaze and how Elita started to hold her breath almost subconsciously. “I didn’t realize that it took so many people to verify a sparking. I almost feel special right now. Shame about the stasis cuffs and boring jail cell.”

“They’re there for a reason, Starscream,” Prowl argued. “And so are you.”

Starscream could only shrug and walk back to where he had been sitting earlier under Megatron and Elita’s watchful gazes, at least he could only have attempted to. Both his wrists and wings had been stasis cuffed— the majority of his movements restricted and held down by them— perhaps they feared he would find a way to blast out of the base, but realistically they all knew the seeker had no one left on Earth to return to or be rescued by. The Decepticons, after stealing Prowl’s ship, hadn’t been heard of since; As if they didn’t care for their ex-leader, as if his existence was forgettable and his punishment was inevitable—  was the fall out.

“So, who’s doing the test?” Starscream asked loudly, sounding almost terrified despite how he positioned himself, it was a weak attempt to maintain control over the situation, the shake in his wings giving way to his real feelings. The seeker tilted his head to the side and let out a nervous laugh. “Not Megatron, I hope, right?”

He tried to smile, but it came off rather weak and feeble, replaced later with a frown the moment Megatron asked if Starscream wanted him to step out, if that’d make him more comfortable. And after a pause of deafening silence Starscream could only stare out at the four mechs in front of him, he stared at them through the glass wall that hid him from the rest of the world. Where everyone on the outside of it could see him and he could see everyone on the outside, but no one dared touch him or step inside. Neither did he dare to touch anyone else or the glass. There was safety in not stepping out, or asking for someone to come in. But things had changed.

“I’d like it if you left,” Starscream said. He glanced nervously around the padded and white jail cell room, locking optics with Optimus. “Can you check for me?” he said.

“If that’s what makes you feel safest,” Optimus answered. He looked at his comrades, shaking his head as if he saw and had already sensed what they’re about to say to him, all but Megatron who’d already taken the opportunity to step out for the Starscream’s comfort. Prowl and Elita, however, lingered a little longer. The two of them stared at Optimus and Starscream before ultimately leaving as if they placed their faith in him to shout or ping for them.

When Starscream saw that it was just the two of them, the tension in his frame gradually began to relax and he said, “I bet you’re also curious who in their right mind would get me sparked. Me of all mechs.”

Optimus paused. He set down the scanner that would’ve been used to check Starscream to check if the seeker had indeed been sparked like he claimed just jours ago. It would’ve been a lie to say that he wasn’t curious because while there was nothing to confirm or deny Starscream’s words, or anything he could’ve possibly gained from it after losing everything— this was Starscream after all, like Prowl said— they had to make sure he was sparked, all while continuing to treat him with the utmost respect. Showed him that he was still safe, there was a place for him wherever that may have been.

“I am, but it is okay if you don’t tell me who got you sparked. I’m more concerned about you right now,” Optimus responded, slowly. He looked up and to his surprise saw Starscream start to leak coolant, barely the seeker looked as if he were teetering on the edge of sadness, but also acceptance like he was still battling something— all of it exposed by the blue of his optics and the shake of his legs. “It’s also okay if you don’t know who sparked you.”

Starscream ignored him, servos on top of his knees, but his optics never left Optimus’s face as if the seeker was still attempting to fact check things; he was cautious as ever, hesitant to believe someone could be kind to him still.

“It can be difficult for any mech to carry,” Optimus continued. “I know how hard it was for me and I have the matrix to help me through it all. I was lucky to be supported by it and others. I’m not very well versed in how seekers carry.”

“When a seeker is carrying, our frames create a pseudo womb or sub space next to our spark so that it may carry the sparkling…” Starscream shifted in his seat, casting his optics to the floor then Optimus, “…until the sparkling has grown old and strong enough to form a shell around itself. Like an egg. Our frames are incapable of giving birth. The created womb is far too small. So, the egg comes out and will remain viable as long as the shell remains intact. But there are cases of eggs that wander and get lost because they seek their sires.”

“I see,” Optimus said. “I’ve carried before. I know the signs and how it feels. It’s scary right?” He admits. “It feels scary to be in charge of a new life, sparkling’s nestle right next to your spark before they drop. I imagine you must be running low on reserves. Prowl said, you’ve been requesting more energon lately, but refused to say why. It’s taxing to provide for yourself and the sparkling, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but taxing is an understatement. It feels like my spark is being squeezed out of its own frame,” Starscream said, annoyed but earnestly. “If the sire is alive or around then the sparkling may still try to contact them or emit a signal to them in the later stages. There are other ways to circumvent this, however, it’s not easy though. And while it’s possible for a sparkling to survive without its carrier or sire around, generally it’s best if both parties can be around to care for it.

He tried to ignore the sting in his optics. The memory of his internal systems alerting him to the news of his frame being sparked had been a scare itself, an anomaly. He had felt something was off moons ago but had ignored it until his energon levels were statistically low; power directed and requested to be used by a foreign unidentifiable object. And when the seeker ran a quick diagnostic check, the discovery of a sparkling was startling to say the least. But he had made no plans to make his new condition known at first for fear of what his carrying status could have caused or led the Autobots around him to do. He was scared to acknowledge the sparkling as well.

In fact, Starscream was surprised, surprised that he had been sparked, but maybe also surprised because who the sire had to have been or who it had to be. He had by choice, his reproductive systems removed prior to joining the war, so it should’ve been impossible for a sparkling to take root in his frame. He also knew that the alleged sire in question had had his reproductive systems removed too before the war, but their circumstances were different. Either way they weren’t built to carry or sire. Nor did they ever imagine fulfilling those roles and never considered what would happen if something changed between them, it was never a concern before.

Yet Starscream had started to feel as if something was starting to nestle next to his spark like it was meant to be there all along. It called out to him and was ignored by him. But the gradual imprisonment by Prowl and the Autobots took its toll on his resolve and because of what he considered to be less than ideal living conditions. Starscream felt as if he was forced to watch as his power reserves, choose between him and the sparkling, choose between having him live another functioning day, or snuff the sparking out— lose it. There was an intense bitterness that still erupted in Starscream’s spark when he realized that was a possibility, or rather it was the admittance that even if he continued to stay so stubborn and prideful then there would never be a chance for the sparkling to survive or be given the chance to. He was forced to come to terms with something— that the last and remaining bit of life in his chamber could be exterminated, snuffed out by his own spark, and it would continue to happen if he didn’t acknowledge it. The little hatchling he had used to imagine, speak to in secret, chastise for existing as a way to keep himself sane amidst all the chaos would sooner or later leave him for good.

He had to make a choice— have the sparkling suffer a slow and agonizing death through starvation or swallow his pride and admit he was currently sparked to the Autobots, ask if they’re willing to believe him or not. Starscream still remembered the pain he felt when he realized that no matter how much he hated it, the choice was obvious. There was no other option, so he made it. Because for all he knew, since they were both stuck on Earth, his sparkling may not even have been accepted by the Well of AllSpark, and if it hadn’t been, where would the sparkling go then? The idea of not knowing ate at him. It still did. The lack of control over his general situation did. Knowing what could’ve or had already happened. There was also the fact that, he may never get the chance to understand his troubles about the sparkling or the possible ache that came with accepting its clear and hard to miss existence. Starscream naturally grew resentful and quieter when he thought of this.

Optimus’s optics were sympathetic to Starscream’s discomfort and his tone became gentle. “Does the sire have to be around for the sparkling... Does the sire know you’re sparked?”

Starscream bit his glossa. Those were rather difficult questions to answer. Because every sparkling was different, especially a sparkling that was being carried by a seeker. There were some who demanded for its sire’s to be around, some who liked to feed off its sire’s EM field, and some who sought for its sire’s comfort. He had thought about swallowing his pride and handling it when the time came by ignoring it, but the possibility for everything to go wrong, and reality of that happening was far scarier and probable. Because there were also sparklings who perished without the sire around, maybe the sparkling could survive with the carrier around to comfort them and soothe them, maybe the sparkling could make it to the egg stage off that alone, maybe the sparkling wouldn’t. And Starscream couldn’t live with the idea of that. In that moment Starscream realized he really wanted this sparkling, no matter how hard he tried to stop imagining how much easier his life would’ve been if he didn’t, he felt it would always haunt him. Maybe it was because he knew deep down to his spark that he wanted to admit to someone or himself who the sire was.

Of course, he had no way to tell Soundwave right now. Not only was it the fastest way to get him ignored and branded a liar, it felt pathetic that he had gotten sparked. Shameful. He was left behind, and the Soundwave was probably doing better off without him. There was no Soundwave for him to rest beside or call for anymore. His sparkling had no sire to call for or receive care from right now. No, Soundwave to call for or receive care from right now.

His relationship with Soundwave had never been very formal, nor had it ever had a name to it. But once while Starscream— with nothing else but himself and his thoughts to keep him busy during the war, he had thought, if they ever had a sparkling around (after they were safe) then perhaps there would've been something to explain what they weren’t. It’s now that he’s forced himself to breach the reality of actually having a sparkling, that he realizes how childish that type of reverie is, that even if Soundwave stayed by his side. It’d have never been as picturesque or wonderful, it’d have been painful and full of bitterness after they were safe.

He had realized this while sitting in his cell, sitting with the apparent and undeniable knowledge that he was sparked and that it had to have been Soundwave and his. He realized that perhaps it was time to stop pretending of the sparkling’s existence by then. He realized there was no one waiting for him on Cybertron, waiting for him to come home. There was no one angry at him out of love anymore, there was no one telling him to calm down because it was better for the sparkling and him. Starscream felt as if he was stuck in between his past worries and himself, and he wondered if he was letting down his sparkling, someone who may yet become another star in the sky because of him. Because of his stubbornness. Because of his past. Because of who he was.

“You’re not going to make me get rid of it, right?” Starscream said. He brought his knees forward, hiding his spark chamber, where the sparkling in theory would’ve been held and housed beside his own spark. “If I admit that I’m a horrible person and atone for what I’ve done, that I’m the last person Primus should bless with life, you won’t make me get rid of it right?”

There was a deafening amount of silence after that, so harsh and thick, not even a knife could put a dent into it. Starscream stared at Optimus, he stared at the mech in front of him, refusing to say anymore, he needed confirmation. 

“You don’t have to do any of that, Starscream,” Optimus said, softly. The corner of his optics began to crease and he sat down, lowering himself in front of Starscream. He got on one knee and looked up at him. “However, it’s admirable of you to acknowledge your faults and want to atone. But also, you don’t have to do any of that. Not right now at least. You don’t have to make a case for your sparkling’s survival or your own Starscream. It would go against my morals to force a carrying mech to make such a hard decision.”

“You—” Starscream choked out. “Believe me…? After everything… I’ve done to you?” He was surprised, someone was willing to take his words at face value, someone was still gentle enough to try and understand him. Maybe even start somewhere with him.

“Starscream,” Optimus said. He took a deep breath and closed his optics. “Can I check and see how the sparkling is doing now or do you want more time to get comfortable with me before we start?”

“You can check,” Starscream answered, “but can the statis cuffs come off my wrist first? They feel tight.”

Optimus froze in his tracks then realized how uncomfortable Starscream must have been feeling right now, a carrying mech tended to have swelling in their joints, and the pain that came with it.

“Yeah, hold on,” he said, pulling out the key, unlocking the stasis cuffs for Starscream.

Starscream didn’t say anything, but nor did he take the opportunity to use his blasters or try to overwhelm Optimus after being given back a portion of his mobility, he instead rubbed his wrists and rambled how relieving it was to finally get some energon flowing there again.

“You can check now,” Starscream said. He started to hesitate. “But I don’t know if it’s still around though… I’m not supposed to be a carrier nor designed to carry anymore. I had my reproductive protocols removed and baffles installed before I joined the war… Megatron said it had to be done in order to enlist for the Decepticons.”

“Let’s hope it’s still doing good then,” Optimus surmised. He tried to offer a reassuring smile, Starscream, however, when seeing it looked away as if it stung.

They sit there together in silence. Starscream’s optics turned to the side to avoid the scanner and gel that’s pressed to his midsection and spark chamber, servos digging into the sides of the berth he sits on top of. Optimus leans in further as he continues to look at the screen then back to where he’s scanning and sucks in a heavy breath as if shocked. It seems to hit Starscream, as his fans click on, what if he’s already lost it? His sparkling, he’s already messed up, his tiny little—

“It’s still strong.”

“What?

Optimus takes his servos and the machine’s scanner wand back. He grabbed a towel after to wipe the gel that’d been rubbed all over Starscream’s midsection and spark chamber. “You’re sparkling. It’s perfectly fine, maybe a little hungry, but alright. You did a good job keeping it safe so far, Starscream.”

“I—I did?” Starscream says rather quickly, scared almost as if he’s being lied to. However, Optimus smiles at him from below. 

“You did.” His voice is even and proud.

“You’re sure…?” Starscream scoots back on the berth, bringing his knees back upwards his midsection, caging it as if it’d have offered another layer of security or sense of protection, control over who touched or saw this part of him. “…I didn’t."

“You did a good job,” Optimus repeats to Starscream. “And you did the right thing telling us about your sparkling if it’d been any sooner, who knows what could’ve happened.”

“Ah…” Starscream croaks. He’s unsure how to feel now. The reality of his situation crashing again, it settles in again, the fear curls in on him again, servos shaking as they dig into his knees, the metal starting to dent and scratch. “…Thank you, Prime.”

“Starscream,” Optimus says, optics lingering on the seeker’s shaking and still frame. “I’m sorry to ask, but is there any chance you know who could’ve sparked you?”

“Maybe, but it’s embarrassing,” Starscream huffed. He buried his faceplate into his servos. “Megatron would kill me if he finds out who it is— No who it might be.”

“He won’t.”

“He will. I know he will,” Starscream insisted. His optics went wide and he started to hyperventilate, “Megatron— He’s punished me before. He’s…”

“Starscream,” Optimus starts, pauses and sits next to him. He settles next to Starscream, crossing his ankles over each other, patiently waiting for the seeker to speak and settle on his own terms. “Like I said before, it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me who the sire is, you’re not obligated to, but it’d help to know what kind of mech the sire is…it would help...in the case that the sparkling calls for its sire, we can maybe engineer something to soothe its needs. Give it a fighting chance.”

“Soundwave.”

“Soundwave?"

Tossing his head to the side, Starscream frowns and repeats, “The sire is Soundwave...”

Shock washes over Optimus’s face and a twinge of guilt slams his spark. No wonder Starscream was so hesitant to admit who the possible sire was, or that Megatron would have killed him for it. No, it would’ve been better to say that the Megatron from before would’ve attempted to or nearly killed the seeker for getting sparked by their leader’s third in command.

Soundwave and Megatron had always had a rather close relationship from what Optimus could remember, the two mech’s came from the same background, but so did Ravage, Rumble and Frenzy— they all came from Kaon— the gladiator pits of it to be exact in name.

Megatron had always told him that Soundwave was someone born into that life, his carrier was a slave, sold into the life and at the time didn’t know if they were sparked, or what that would entail. However, their time together was cut short when an elite who’d been visiting that day took an interest in Soundwave’s carrier and requested to buy them— and the pair were forced to separate.

It was from then on Megatron who’d taken a role in the young Soundwave’s life, teaching him how to read and write, but also how to fight and get what he wanted in life— either through force or words whatever the young fighter needed to survive the pits they called their home. Something others routinely could’ve only called in Earth terms, ‘the fiery pits of Hell’— where in order to survive, a gladiator had to know what the crowd wanted that day, but also what their superiors and the elites of Kaon wanted that day, or demanded. And more often than not, it was a good show. Some gladiators were even instructed to lose battles, so certain patrons and investors of the pits would leave satisfied. Megatron and Soundwave were considered top earners at the peak of their career long before the war— before they took a stand and rose to power as a faction, earning their brutality in reputation, storming the city for change.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, we might, and I mean might, have fragged one last time before I… went all… and they left Earth, so. It’s definitely his.”

Optimus nodded. “Do you… want me to try and contact him for you?”

Starscream blinked, slowly and seriously. “No. I don’t think he’d care or want to hear about it.”

“Why is that?”

“We had an argument before I… tried to revive the emberspark. A nasty one… we said stuff. Stuff I wouldn’t have said if I wasn’t so stressed and upset about everything. And he said… well, Soundwave probably said everything he’d been wanting to say to me, but wouldn’t.”

After admitting that, Starscream feels something stab at his spark and jostle his wires around to the point of contention, but if it’s his guilt, the resurgence and memory of what Soundwave had said to him, or if it was the sparkling trying to comfort him right now, he can’t tell anymore. Because everything by then had started to blend together. And all he can do is sit there and take it, the realization that he’s alone in this if he chooses to, the idea that he’s alone in raising this sparkling right now, he couldn’t imagine Soundwave by his side, not after what his ex-comrade and ex communications officer had said to him; their last conversation to be exact.

Soundwave's harsh, but truthful words were now and still forever etched deep into the seeker’s memory bank and drives.

‘Starscream doesn’t know what love is. He doesn’t know how to love others. He doesn’t know how to love. He only knows how to control and take from others. Soundwave has had enough of his nonsense. He’s done with Starscream.’

“Well, I’m sure Soundwave has his regrets too about what was said between the two of you…” Optimus tries to say, but stops. He stares at Starscream worried, his mouth agape slightly, and a servo half held out as if he was unsure what to do at this moment.

“I doubt he…” Starscream said. "What?  Did I do something wrong again—?”

“You’re leaking coolant.”

“Am I…?” Almost immediately Starscream reaches to touch his cheeks, and the feeling of something wet drips down, taking the heat off of his cheeks and onto his lap. “I am…” he said, softly as if those tears were in contempt for the loss of what could’ve and should’ve been.

“I’ll be okay,” Optimus said to him. “Megatron won’t be upset when he finds out, I’ll make sure of it.”

“When?”

“It’s not my right to tell everyone who the sire of your sparkling is. That should be left up to you, Starscream and no one else. And if Megatron does happen to take issue with the news or who the sire is… I’ll take care of him for you. You deserve to raise and care for your sparkling in peace. Not war.”

Starscream laughs as if he’s unsure. “Whatever you say, Prime. Maybe I’ll believe you when I see it, or I'll get a chance to see the open sky.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Notes:

Paint me
Stamp me
It's your touch I want
Feel my warmth
My eyes can't help but wonder why
I want to hold you
Will you let me
However I already know the answer

Chapter 2: Fresh Air

Notes:

My memory of Earthspark after season 1 is a little wobbly, any misinformation of past events is accidental and a canon divergence tag added in case, apologies in advance

Updates might be sporadic for a little while... and a splendid shout out to my beta reader: Sparkybot.

Starscream stared at the forest in front of him, distracted by the beep that occasionally went off—an ankle monitor developed for him by Wheeljack— a near and constant reminder of his merely temporary, but now granted, freedom. The sunlight lapped at him. It washed over him as if it were an incoming tidal wave, slow and gentle. 

He had been allowed a “safe” place to stay at for an indefinite amount of time, so long as he didn’t harm anyone and kept out of trouble basically. At first there had been a struggle to even allow this, a divide among the Autobots and Maltos, with some more than opinionated voices uncomfortable with the idea of a free Starscream. It wasn’t the strangest narrative when the seeker had first heard it. He had sat there quietly, watching how everyone in front of him argued, dredging up his treachery and his crimes. One by one, they listed what he had been known for doing in the war, laid it out for everyone and him, and pointed out his treacherous actions and past. It was obvious. No one thought he would make a good carrier or would raise the sparkling properly either.

Before he would have yelled and argued, he would find a way to dismiss the guilt in his spark when he heard their words, when he realized what they’d really been trying to say about him. Release his burning and war-torn anger, but after everything had fallen apart and after Soundwave had walked away from him. Starscream just felt defeated—he felt empty about the topic. But that didn’t mean he approved or denied what's been said about him. If anything, he felt ashamed and put a servo to his midsection, his mind debating on what they’d been hinting at, debating if they were right about him not making a good carrier or an ideal one.

And when he felt that it wasn’t true, Starscream glared at them, but at the same time he couldn’t find it in him to say anything either. If Soundwave were here, here by his side to stand with him, then perhaps Starscream would have fought tooth and nail for this sparkling to be raised by him, but there was no one by his side.

For a nano-click, he imagined how life would look if he gave up his sparkling, gave his sparkling to someone else. Maybe he would let them know he was their biological carrier one day, maybe he would choose not to, maybe they wouldn’t care to know what their relationship was or wasn’t supposed to be.

He would be just a stranger to his sparkling then. He would stare at his sparkling from afar but refuse to interact with them. He would be a stranger who looked too much like them. Or maybe, Starscream thought, he would be a stranger who looked nothing like them because his sparkling would take after Soundwave instead, maybe his sparkling would be the perfect blend of him and Soundwave. Or so unrecognizable, no one would've ever guessed he and Soundwave were involved—the ones who helped make and nurture a new spark into existence.

Whatever the case was, Starscream figured in the end that whoever their sparkling took after the most might mean something, that the sparkling had a favorite, and then he asked himself what he would do if his sparkling was born with the same optics, nose, or smile as Soundwave—a recipe of some sort, all of the blue flight mech’s best features and parts, the last evidence of their finished and once shared love.

Maybe that’s what hurt him the most. He wanted to keep this sparkling for those selfish reasons—he wanted to keep a part of Soundwave with him—but also that he had no one around to support him or help him raise the sparkling. Everyone he knew had already left or made their intentions to leave clear to him. Starscream had been left behind, and it’d been because of his own actions—perhaps not all the blame was to be pinned onto him, but still he felt admittedly a fair amount of blame, grown to bitterly understand it. And the most unfortunate part was he understood his sparkling’s innocence in all of this. He didn’t dare wish to pin anything on them. They were the only party in his optics who didn’t ask for any of this, perhaps the most innocent thing he could’ve ever laid his servos and spark on. The Autobots were right. He was the last person who should be carrying, but still he wanted to carry.

But to his and everyone else’s surprise, Megatron, of all mechs in the room, had been the one to vouch for Starscream and his sparkling. He argued Starscream deserved to be somewhere safe, even if it meant being away from all of them for the time being. He argued that if they didn’t allow Starscream to feel safe, to feel capable, to make his own choices in this moment, then they were no better than what G.H.O.S.T had done. They’d be no better than Mandroid, no better than what had caused Starscream to feel he needed to protect the Decepticons from them. Before Starscream fell victim to his own madness—a prisoner to it—there was no bad guy here, only unnecessary pain and torture. And if they didn’t try to at least understand Starscream or hear him out, help him, then they’d only continue the cycle. They’d only be causing more harm than good, and for what?

Starscream was shocked to say the least when he had heard his old leader say all of those things, but he also had one single thought— if it was this Megatron, this Megatron who led me in the war, who would I have been instead?

⊹₊⟡⋆

“This is where we’ll be living now. Do you like it here?” Starscream said, out loud, but there’s no one around besides him and his sparkling. No one for miles. Like usual, there’s no response, and he’s not surprised. The seeker didn’t expect anything, not for the first eighteen cyber weeks or months as the seeker was told—five Earth months. “Yeah, well. Get used to it, brat.”

Brat.

Starscream still grimaces a little whenever he refers to his sparkling or child as Dot had informed him. There was an agreement between the Autobots, Maltos, and Starscream that he had to visit the base once in a while, show his faceplate to them, socialize, make positive experiences on Earth, and get checkups for him and the sparkling, they had said to him. And recently when he went, he wanted to know if being a mother was any similar to being a carrier on Cybertron. Dot said that being a mother was a tough job, but rewarding. There would be days he may have regrets, but also days he wouldn’t trade his child or children for the world. When Starscream first heard that, he, whether he realized it or not, thought of Thundercracker and wondered how she was doing, if she was okay. If Skywarp and Nova Storm were doing okay—in the end he decided that those three had always been capable of handling themselves minus Thundercracker (at times).

He then wondered what Thundercracker must have said or felt when she would have inevitably learned of his actions on Earth. He can imagine the start of her anger, how she wouldn’t be able to sit still; maybe she had to be held back by her trine forced to cool off. Or maybe she, like everyone else, didn't care after digesting everything, after hearing everyone’s stories, after seeing Soundwave’s indifference to him being gone. That she too would’ve thought it was fitting in the end for him. Naturally, his fate had run its course—there was no patience for sore losers, sore losers who could barely lead or live without swallowing their anger—a belly full of curses and all.

So, Starscream tries to stop asking himself if she’s okay, if his seekers are okay; it’d have been safer to assume they’d already grown uneasy about him, the seed of doubt long planted in his spark, and the toughest part knowing that he had a choice in something—the ability and permission to grow something from his empty and scar-filled spark—but also the decision to be everywhere all at once.

He woke up from recharging one morning like usual, greeting his sparkling like he always did by calling them a brat again. And like always, there’s no response yet. Starscream likes to imagine the day that they’re able to disclose their opinion about how they’re called and spoken to; the name and dynamic between them may have already grown on them. Or they’ll be as stubborn as him, so they fight back—after all, being called a brat every morning and night probably wasn’t very fun—and the seeker liked to abuse the word enough as it is already.

Starscream, as usual, walked into the kitchen the Autobots had shown him how to use, decoration they said even if he won’t ever really want to use it, it’s just a part of Earth culture they tried to explain to him. Starscream, however, dismissed them for the most part but listened to their explanation of Earth and its culture, only speaking when spoken to or needed for something.

He felt uncomfortable with how everything had turned out. It was obvious no one wanted to trust him, and he was the same. Starscream still remembered how Hashtag had knocked him out with the Cyber Slayer and how Prowl had dragged him off to be jailed. How Megatron looked at him when he woke up in his new prison cell. There was also the awkwardness he felt with the deactivated Chaos Terrans and the rest of the Autobots despite how he had been vouched for so clearly by Megatron (and Optimus, who Starscream had learned later had to come to his defense as well, and that it had happened in private long after he had left). No, there was still a lot he had to personally digest since his time trapped within Terratronus's spark chamber—stuck watching helplessly for cyber weeks as things played out and he was left behind in the end.

And maybe it had been after he had been allowed the time to sit in his thoughts and recharge properly for moons alone without the feeling of being under surveillance or hunted that Starscream had started to ask himself about a lot of things, the things he did under Megatron and then after Megatron defected. He sees it enough in his nightmares, but barely do they speak to him to demand an apology, nor does he try to ask for forgiveness (to a degree).

Sometimes he imagines a world where things have gone differently, where things are still how they used to be, but in that he also accepts that it’s too late now—time won’t rewind, the world will still turn with or without him, and all that is left for him to continue is if not for the betterment of himself as a person—whoever Thundercracker and her trine used to see him as, whoever his friends from before used to see him as—then his sparkling.

Starscream decides after months of living out the same old and boring but peaceful and safe routine, a routine that’s allowed him to try out a few hobbies like painting or gardening. He no longer feels the same dread and stress of leading, or the mindless toll of following orders that used to consume him. He’s freer than ever now. No one owns him, and he owns no one—and it’s with that he decides the least he can do from now on is to continue walking forward. It’s all he can do in the absence of his past self, as if to say even in your absence you will always be cared for by me .

Nothing is easy. It never will be. He’s grown to realize over time, grown to realize after spending more time with the Terrans and their human siblings. See how they treat each other, how they are treated by their parents, loved by them and others. But he also tries to spend time in nature alone, away from others, distract himself with positive things—remind himself that whatever haunts him and still will be just memories in the end, remind himself where he is now, that he is now safe, and has someone to look out for too in the present. The new center to his world

Starscream liked having a schedule.

He would wake up early to see the sun rise and get whatever dry food the Maltos had told him about organic creatures known as dogs liked to eat on Earth. Because there was a stray dog that liked to visit Starscream sometimes, he didn’t understand why it did (and was later informed it was a girl), but she was rather harmless and kept him company while he followed his daily to-do lists after feeding the pup. A to-do list that consisted of watering his plants after their growth, though slow, made him feel pride whenever something bloomed or grew even the slightest; he felt control over their life in a way.

And if he had the time, he would try to paint something. At first, Starscream tried to do landscape painting, but that would lead into conversations, conversations with people he was still unsure of how to face. Like right now, Hashtag and Twitch, the two femme mechs, were staring at him, watching as he painted a lake. One servo on his thigh and the other busy with a paintbrush—dipped in the color blue—all while Starscream tries his best to pretend they aren’t there. It isn’t as if he doesn’t understand their need to see him, or at least try to see how he’s doing on his own. Because he keeps to himself for the most part. For all they know, he might go insane again with his loneliness, and it’s not like Starscream could fault them for that—after all, the last time he went crazy from isolation, he hosted a tea party with the de-serviced Chaos Terrans.

They’ll get bored eventually and leave, which had always been Starscream’s initial thought until it became a recurring thing—a non-issue really—at least the unnamed pup that followed him had someone else to bother. He still couldn’t find it in him to name her. Similar to how he couldn’t find it in him to name his sparkling, besides ‘brat’ really.

In the back of his mind, Starscream muses that Soundwave would probably have been able to come up with a name for their sparkling. Maybe they’d have bickered about it a little before settling on something. Maybe he wouldn’t not have loved the name, but there at least would have been a name, and he would have let it be that sparkling’s name. Let it roll off his glossa and weigh down his wings; let Soundwave say it for him to hear, and by then he would have have liked the way it sounded. And maybe he would have have teased Soundwave for it; however, all of that could only amount to an empty feeling, a dream filled with pure nothingness; it had been killed and devoured by his own actions and words.

Starscream felt all alone now on Earth, Soundwave on Cybertron doing whatever he was doing, and, in a life where the seeker feels his love is on another planet, what's he supposed to do? The absence of missing someone is there, and he can only think of the other mech from afar, in a way only a hurt thing understands and knows. Starscream only hopes their sparkling will understand his reasons for not saying anything right now, that if they ever thought one day their sire wouldn’t love or want them, it wasn’t true. Because Starscream knows better than anyone how well loved they’d be, how well taken care of they’d be, or how well fed they’d be. But in a way it’s because of that he knows who will not be loved the same way, taken care of, or fed enough. Because he understands why Soundwave said they were over, why it was for the best, why they never said a proper goodbye. Yet despite knowing this, Starscream keeps trying to look behind him occasionally, about to say something, another pointless gesture with a pointless meaning behind it. 

“Do you know how to paint birds?”

 Starscream snapped out of his thoughts and turned to look in the direction of the voice—Twitch. She smiled at him awkwardly, but it was somewhat endearing of her to try.

“Maybe,“ he said. “Why?”

“I want to try painting one for Mom. Her birthday is coming up in a few weeks!”

Birds.

Starscream had seen his fair share of them on Earth, but he hadn’t attempted to paint one, not fully. Sometimes he felt like it and tried, but when he heard their chirps and how they called out to each other—responded even—Starscream had to stop painting and start on something else. Because their chirping reminded him of home—of Cybertron—of Soundwave. Everything that was present was no more, or perhaps willing to let him come back again.

 “What about Hashtag?” Starscream asked. He put down his paint palette and brush to look at Twitch, then at Hashtag, who was playing fetch with the dog somewhere; it would have been funny if not for the pang in the seeker’s spark— Thundercracker loved organic life and, before, on Cybertron, had begged him to let her have a pet. She never got it, though; maybe she should’ve.

“Hashtag wants to try painting a flower,” Twitch said. “Cherry blossoms.”

“Flowers are easier to paint,” Starscream said. He reached for his cup of water, washing his paintbrush out. The clear water soon dyed a blend of colors—red, blue, orange—and whatever else he had mixed up earlier. He would have to go inside and change it out soon. “Birds don’t sit for long.”

“What if I show you a picture? Would that be better?”

“…I guess? But no promises. I can help you on your strange endeavors, Twitch. Nor do I understand the importance of what a ‘birthday’ is or does.”

“Do you guys not celebrate birthdays on Cybertron?”

“No, we do. But it’s called something else, and it depends on the mech and their family if they care enough to celebrate it…” Starscream’s voice trailed off, and he froze. That’s right, how could he have forgotten Thundercracker's hatch day—it was soon. The corner of his lips tightened. There was a letter he had left in his old lab for her and a key in case he didn’t come back to Cybertron anytime soon for her hatch day. Maybe she had read it by now. If so, then no wonder she hadn’t come to see him. He wouldn’t either. It was a rather rude letter in his opinion.

“Starscream?” Twitch said. She stared at him. Her blue optics trained on his faceplate, curious as to what she may or may not have dredged out of or reminded the now quiet seeker of. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he said. “It’s just one of my seekers. Her hatch day. No, her birthday is in a few days, but I don’t know where she is right now. Or if she’d even want to talk to me.”

“Oh, like Skywarp or Nova Storm?”

“No, this seeker. She was never on Earth. Even during the war, she was left on our home planet, Cybertron. My choice. I thought it’d be best for her because the mission here was supposed to be a short expedition. I doubt she’d be happy to see me again, though. No doubt the other Decepticons have told her of my more than grievous self-performed and mismanaged deeds.” 

“Well, you never know, Starscream.” Twitch tried to encourage him. “Maybe she’s scared to reach out first.”

Starscream winced a little and tried to ignore what he had heard. There was no use trying to make amends right now. He had a life to grow and protect. And as much as he cared for Thundercracker, they’d been apart for so long, who knew how far or strong her affection was? The only comfort he had left to think of and hold onto was that the bond he had with Thundercracker, Skywarp, and Nova Storm hadn't been terminated yet. He could sense through their bond that they were okay, and that was all he needed to know, seeing them in person. He could survive without seeing their faceplates.

“What kind of bird did you want to paint again?” He walked over to the front entrance of his designated safe house, ankle monitor beeping, and looked at Hashtag, who was still in the distance. “Hurry up, or we’ll start painting without you. And leave that filthy mutt outside!”

“Why does mine look so different from yours?” Twitch complained. She stared at the blob of brown on her canvas while Starscream stood to the side, showing Hashtag how to paint a cherry blossom tree. “It doesn’t even look like a bird anymore…” she sighed, loudly.

“Practice,” Starscream answered lazily. He handed Hashtag a tube of paint before walking over to where Twitch sat, looked at her canvas, and snorted. It really didn’t even look like a bird anymore, like she had said. “Do you want me to fix it? Your mother would probably be able to tell, though.”

“Just a little help would be nice.”

“Scoot over and don’t hover when I paint,” Starscream grumbled, but he sat down anyway to try and adjust whatever mirage and puke-like mesh of brown that was in front of him. A little color wheel could, in theory, save it, maybe a little highlight to the pupils of the ‘bird’ in front of him. Give it some proper life or sense of reality. “Also, I thought I asked you brats to leave that filthy mutt outside?” He directed this comment at Hashtag, who let out a nervous laugh.

“Aw, come on, Starscream,” Hashtag insisted. She peeked out from where she sat. “Look at that face.”

Starscream frowned but looked over like he had been asked, and regretfully he had to admit that it was a cute face, so far, the mutt had been quiet and stayed put, only getting up to follow after him whenever he moved between canvases—it really reminded him of Thundercacker. The mutt and she were like twins in clinginess and willingness to make a friend, even if it was clear that the friend in question didn’t want to make any.

Then again, that may have applied to Hashtag and Twitch too, and because Starscream felt helpless upon that realization. He put more effort into painting, enough to fix the bird, enough to make it still have Twitch’s personal style and effort, going back to see how far Hashtag had gotten, and stepping in to help her, before her flowers turned any blebbier and weirder.

Starscream wondered if this was how his previous art instructors and carrier used to feel when they taught him how to paint. He would make the weirdest color combinations and complain when things were marked with points off or he was told, “In order to break the rules, one must learn them first!”

It was a shame that he couldn’t apologize to them anymore. His carrier died when he was young (long before the war), and his art instructors would no doubt have already disowned him or would’ve pretended to not know him.

When they’re finished, Starscream starts to clean up and stays quiet for the most part while Twitch and Hashtag start to gush at how well their paintings turned out. “They need to dry for a few days,” he said. “Come back for them later.”

Starscream feels a sense of relief wash over him. He’s survived yet another day. But then he’s reminded of something, or rather someone, again, someone who likes to bark at him when she’s hungry. The seeker shakes his head but obliges with the mutt’s request to have dinner. He’s feeling a little hungry too, or the sparkling is.

He gets on the kitchen floor, an energon cube in hand as the mutt in front of him starts to eat like it’s her last meal. At least they had that in common. Starscream knew what that was like. He had experienced it before, the punishment of starvation; it wasn’t something he wished to know or feel again. The pangs of one’s own wires eating away at itself—never again, he would never let his sparkling know that feeling either, not if he had a choice.

But suddenly, to his immense surprise, there is a knock at the front door. The doorbell even rings. No one’s ever done that before when visiting him. At most they knock or say who they are, so he doesn’t blast them by accident. Confused, Starscream looks at the mutt and tells her to get lost before getting up, slowly walking over to where the sound is coming from and readying his weapon; however, fear wracks at him. Have his old enemies finally come to get rid of him? Have Megatron and the Autobots been playing him all along? Starscream bites his cheek and readies himself, prepared to strike until he hears a familiar voice.

“It’s late. Do you think he’s in recharge?”

And then the two other familiar voices that followed after it.

“He is old.”

“He’s not that old.”

Though his servos shake, Starscream puts away his blaster and tries to calm himself. It’s his seekers, but why? He runs through all sorts of scenarios while standing in front of the wooden door—the only barrier that separates him from his old troops, his air force, his, for lack of a better term, family (if they could even be called one ever or before)—and decides it could have always been Soundwave who came to see him first (though that was unlikely).

“What are you guys doing here?” he asked. The three femme seekers, upon seeing him move with immense speed, almost toppled him, and in the end, the four of them are on the ground, the sound of barking the only indicator of life.

Starscream lies there quietly. His mouth feels as if it’d been superglued shut or sewn. He’s unable to say something, feeling helpless when he sees the tears that start to run down Thundercracker’s cheeks. She’s too busy cursing him to care, and he’s too busy shocked and in the middle of translating her words to wipe them or notice that Skywarp and Nova Storm are also in near tears, coolant leaking down their cheeks—they missed him. His seekers missed him.

“You...?” he tries to say, but the words come out squeakier than he had expected, and the three seekers start to laugh. They laugh but continue to hold onto him. They hug him as much as they can while on the floor, neither party willing to try and get up. It’d be a lost cause anyway. 

“We missed you,” Thundercracker said, her nose full of fluid. “Wait, you have a dog!? When did you get a dog?”

“Nice to see you too,” Starscream jokes. He pushed Thundercracker off of him and looked at Skywarp and Nova Storm. They were still willing to smile at him—reminiscent of the time he had almost sacrificed his life to save Hashtag in the caves. Like before, they came for him, happy to see him. How stupidly endearing of them.

Skywarp stood up first and reached out a servo to him. “I always thought you’d be more of a cat person, Screamer.”

“Dog showed up and refused to leave,” he said, taking her servo. “Forced its way into my house too, like a certain group of seekers.”

“Aw, come on, you love us,” Nova Storm said, laughing, and walked over to where Thundercracker was.

The blue seeker's clear and apparent attention was almost drawn in and locked on the dog in her arms as she asked, “Does she have a name, Starscream?”

“How’d you know it’s a…”

“I read a lot of books about Earth before coming here. Girl dogs are missing a certain part," Thundercracker said, proudly. "Does she have a name, Starscream?” she asks again.

“No,” he said. “I just call her mutt.”

“That’s a horrible non-name.” Thundercracker sighed. “Then again, who knows what you’d have named me if my carrier didn’t pre-program the name ‘Thundercracker’ into my hardware before renouncing their ownership of me.”

“It’d probably have been, ‘hey, you’ or 'something' knowing him,” Skywarp said. She started to laugh and point a digit at Starscream. His face had turned rather sour and then embarrassed. “See! Even he knows it.”

Nova Storm shook her head but said, “You’re pretty bad at naming things, Starscream. Remember what you named your plants on Vos?”

“Calling something number 191919282 isn’t a bad thing,” he sneered. “Don’t forget the types of names you girls gave my experiments. ‘Bluey’ was certainly something. The coolant works really came out with that one.”

“I didn’t know Bluey was supposed to die!” Thundercracker said while her fellow seekers could only shake their heads in memory of Bluey. She then ran over to Starscream, shoving the alleged not-to-be-called mutt in his faceplate, red optics practically pleading with him for something. “Lemme name her!”

 “Go ahead, but do it fast,” Starscream said, tired from being forced to give Twitch and Hashtag some painting lessons earlier. The clean-up had tired him out as well. “I have a bedtime to keep.”

“Okay!” Thundercracker said, happily. She started to bounce a little, tiny brown dog in servo, Skywarp and Nova Storm laughing at her antics. The little blue seeker, however, was infectious, and Starscream found himself smiling a little as he left to go get ready for recharge. He wasn’t sure if there were enough spots for all of them.

However, as it turns out, that didn’t really matter. Not when he had the equivalent of three grown flight mechs squeezed on top of and next to him on his single and only berth. At least it was more than a decent size enough and made to accommodate his wingspan already.

“I missed you,” Thundercracker whispered. She kept her voice low because Skywarp and Nova Storm had already fallen into recharge, the red of their optics powered off, and their frames settled in. “Also, I read your note… You have a lot of hatch days to make up for, Starscream.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

Starscream stared at the ceiling, as if hesitant to meet Thundercracker’s illuminating but curious gaze, or to go turn on a light—afraid of what he would see or expose if he looked at her. “Yeah. I do.”

“Good. Now do you want to tell me what happened between you and Soundwave on Earth?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“Nope,” Thundercracker said, whispering almost. She looked tired after admitting that to Starscream. “Soundwave gets upset whenever someone brings up your name like he hates you. But then he’ll yell if someone tries to badmouth you in front of him. Once some random mech tried to say you were mental in front of him and he started yelling or threatening to kill them. Like, they probably saw Primus or something when he did that. He was that scary, Starscream. But when I ask him about you…he says, ‘It’s adult stuff, Thundercracker.’ Says, ‘You made your choice. He made his.’ Blah, blah…but I think there’s more to it.”

“There isn’t more to it,” Starscream said, putting a servo on top of Thundercracker’s helmet, rubbing it like he had always done before the war. “We broke up, or I guess separated. Like whatever those characters in the romance datapads you read do. I’m sure you’ve heard all about my heroic deeds by now too.”

He stressed the word ‘heroic’ and sighed, feeling upset with himself again. Control over himself was slipping again. More specifically, he felt rattled knowing that Soundwave bothered to defend him, that he had care to yell, get mad. When in reality, Soundwave was more than in his right to not care or do anything.

“I could care less,” Thundercracker said. “At all.”

“You—you don’t care!?” Starscream said, shocked.

“I wasn’t there, Starscream. How am I supposed to know what drove you to that exact level of insanity? Which you did definitely go insane. Make no mistake about that.”

“Mm.”

Thundercracker pressed her cheek to the side of his canopy and mumbled out. “It’s just… I wasn’t there to really experience or talk sense into you, and to be honest, I think if I hadn’t met someone or managed to talk to someone while on Cybertron while everyone was away. I’d have gone insane too. Being left all alone… it’s scary… not knowing what’s going on or being able to tell someone about it or ask for help. I think anyone would go insane from it too. Anyone would’ve if they were in your exact position. So, I understand even if I don’t approve.”

“You met someone!?” Starscream said, shouting almost. He forced himself to pause after that and immediately reached for the light switch, pulling on it with a snap, his optics wide as mirrors as he met Thundercracker’s shy and conscious gaze. “You met someone!?” he repeated.

“…Yeah? A new friend,” Thundercracker said, shoulders shaking. “Well, kind of… I mean, we did meet—” She began to shrink in on herself and squeak a little when faced with Starscream’s scrutinizing look of concern. He looked like an angry sire right now. “…Soundwave met her! So, you can’t…”

“Can’t what?” he said, frowning.

“…Get mad?” Thundercracker tried to say it, but it’d come out meeker than intended when she saw Starscream squint at her and lean into her faceplate.

“Because…?”

“Because Soundwave approves of her… Well, no, he didn’t really say anything, but still?”

“What, does that mean I’ll approve of her then? For you?”

 “Well, I was hoping, yes.”

“I’m going to recharge now,” Starscream snorted. “We can and will be having this conversation in the morning. I assume Skywarp and Nova Storm have met her as well then.”

 “You always do this whenever something important comes up,” Thundercracker argued. “But they have, yeah.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said in response. “I don’t do anything when something important comes up, so hurry up and offline your optics.”

“You do. You always do. You change the conversation when it gets uncomfortable or try to pretend that it doesn’t bother you when it clearly does!” Thundercracker said she bundled her servos into fists and started slamming them down midair—her wings followed similarly. ”You can’t keep doing this, Starscream. It’s not good for you.”

Starscream scoffed, feeling defensive. “I’m not doing anything.”

“This is what I’m talking about! Soundwave does the exact same thing too when I try to ask him what happened on Earth. And I hate it! I hate when you guys refuse to explain anything. I hate it when Soundwave gets all quiet and walks away from me!” Thundercracker stared at him. Her expression was full of disbelief as if Starscream was supposed to say more in that moment, but when he ignored her, she said, “But you…? You tell me to go to sleep or that we’ll talk about whatever you don’t want to talk about later! And then ‘later’ never ever comes.”

Starscream lay there startled, the lights still on, and he refused to meet or look at Thundercracker’s sharp pointed gaze. But he also refused to take his servo off of the top of her helmet. “Does your new friend treat you well?” he asked, eventually trying once again to change the subject, divert it from himself. “…Is Soundwave doing okay on Cybertron?”

“She treats me well, yeah,” Thundercracker said. “And Soundwave…he’s been busy trying to rebuild Kaon with his cassettes. Frenzy and Ravage are always with him, making sure he eats enough or has enough. Laserbeak and Buzzsaw are always in the sky.”

“Did he ever tell you what happened to Rumble?”

“No. Soundwave refuses to mention or talk about Rumble. He also started talking. I don't want to say weird, but Soundwave changed his way of speaking again,” Thundercracker said, servos gripping into one of the blankets Starscream had brought her earlier before they’d all settled to recharge for the night. “He speaks in the third person again, almost all the time. And it’s either that or he never speaks to anyone beside his cassettes and sometimes me and Shockwave. I know he used to be like that when we first joined the Decepticons, but he moved away from speaking in third person and staying super silent when you guys started hanging out more on the Nemesis and did missions together. He even picked up on your vocabulary a little. Like all those big words you like to use.” 

“I think losing Rumble took a toll on him mentally,” Starscream said. His expression was almost unreadable, if not for Thundercracker noticing the shake in his voice and servo. “He blames himself for what happened to her.”

Thundercracker took a deep breath. “Nova Storm told me Skywarp cried a bunch in secret when Rumble died. Soundwave clawed his mask, and he left it like that for cyber-weeks… stopped eating for a while.”

“I know!” Starscream snapped, flinching afterward. Thundercracker shrank away from him, scared of what was going to happen next. He felt tired all over again, but also horrible for raising his voice, so he tried his best to calm down and make the tone of his voice gentler. “Losing Rumble took a toll on all of us. It’s late. Recharge.”

Thundercracker stared at him as if she wanted to say more but listened and powered off her optics. “I still want to know what happened between you and Soundwave, though.”

“I told you, Thundercracker. Soundwave and I broke up. We broke up for a reason. He doesn’t want me anymore. Never did. Never will. End of story.”

“I don’t believe that, though, so you shouldn’t either.”

Notes:

Tell me do you not also dream of this life too
It is our custom to be touched or loved
I hold my hand out for you to take
But still you pretend to turn away
Why so shy
What are you so afraid of

Chapter 3: The Messenger

Notes:

Ao3 author curse tried to take me out today, but I survived. Out of retaliation and pure spite, I posted another ch. Soundwave will have to make his appearance soon at this rate... and thank you to my beta reader: sparkybot

Starscream felt nauseous the next morning. He held a servo over his mouth. This must have been what Optimus had warned him of. Optimus had said that he might develop a form of imbalance in his equilibrium or morning sickness, according to Dot, who offered her future sympathies. When he first heard and listened to the description of what morning sickness was, the seeker figured that it couldn’t be any worse than what he had been put through in the war, but as it turns out, it was an entirely different form of torture and punishment—and it came from his sparkling of all things.

“Soundwave,” Starscream said, loudly. He was whining by now. “This is all your fault…” He almost hurled after that and sank into the floor, knees drawn to his canopy. “…When I get my servos on you, or step a single pede on Cybertron, you're dead rust metal, Soundwave!" 

“Soundwave?” Thundercracker asked. She had walked into the kitchen, half asleep, but with the newly named “Buster” in her arms to try and take the pup out for a walk after breakfast, the duo seemed to be inseparable by now. “Wait, why are you blaming Soundwave…?” She ran up to him and gasped, “Is it what I think it is?!”

Starscream groaned and rubbed a servo over his faceplate. “Yes, it’s what you think it is. Rejoice.”

“You got Soundwave sparked?”

“… That’s not how it works. Did you not pay attention to your biology classes on Vos!?

“I may have slept through some of them, yes.”

“Well, just so you know, it’s the other way around, brat!”

“My bad.”

Starscream forced himself to get up and off the floor, rushing almost to wherever he felt was an appropriate place to hide, but not before looking over at Thundercracker and Buster. “You’re forgiven, but only so I can get up to go and throw up. Now if you’ll move!” he huffed, something rotten tasting on his tongue; it was acid-like now instead of like the bile from a turbofox.

“So…” Thundercracker tried to say, after Starscream returned from puking his gears out, “…clearly the both of us have something to share, or in your case admit to everyone at the table.”

She swooped almost straight into Starscream’s faceplate despite the darkness that surrounded all of them and turned on her flashlight (where she had found it, no one was sure), highlighting her disappointed but dramatic expression, but Skywarp and Nova Storm had helped her set the mood and the room. The living room lights were off, and Starscream had been forced to sit in a chair, only held down by the judgmental stares of his seekers and his embarrassment. Buster was somewhere, probably too. Also probably judging him—maybe he wasn’t a mind reader.

Skywarp was the first to say something. “So, you and Soundwave… hooked up last nanosecond!?”

“You mean,” Nova Storm said. She slammed her servos on the table and stared at him. “That despite everything that was going on with the… You and Soundwave still found the time to do it!?”

“We—” Starscream stuttered out, stumbling over his own words, his glossa tangled. “… It was more like we did it out of hatred for each other. I wouldn’t call it ‘found the time to do it,’ really." 

“So, it was a hate frag?” Skywarp said, shocked. “You guys fragged out of anger!?”

“Wow. Who knew?” Nova Storm added. “Actually, no, I could see it. Soundwave was practically boring holes into your chassis or wings whenever you held meetings or argued.”

“And you guys say my scripts are unrealistic!” Thundercracker said. She turned the living room’s lights back on after that. “Well, look at what Starscream and Soundwave did while you guys weren’t looking…!”

Skywarp looked at her confused and said, “You’re not any better.”

Nova Storm raised an optic bridge and wing in response. “Yeah, you got a girlfriend while we were all away and sprung it on us the moment we got off of Prowl’s ship!” 

“She’s not my girlfriend, though. I wish…” Thundercracker started to mumble, and the next thing she knew, it was her turn to be interrogated next. “…wait—!”

“I want a name and details,” Starscream snickered. He’d found the time to sit across from Thundercracker, the long table and space only adding to the drama of his words, Skywarp and Nova Storm standing by his side with similar expressions of mockery as they looked down at their fellow seeker.

“Come on, just tell him,” Skywarp teased. “Stormie and I already met her. What do you have to hide? What happened to the seeker who was telling me she’d tell Starscream about her new girlfriend with pride!? 

“I’m trying! And again, she’s not my girlfriend.” Thundercracker, he said angrily. “Okay, okay. Fine, I met a really cool flight mech from Vos on my personal comm. Her name is Jetfire, and I really like her. I think she likes me too…? I can’t tell if it’s the same, but anyway, she’s the only thing that kept me from going insane from isolation on Cybertron while everyone was away on Earth! And she’s a scientist… She reads my stuff and writes really cool research papers about plants—and we met in person…like before Shockwave and everyone came back? Did I mention she’s cool yet? And we’re not together!?”

“Yes. You mentioned making a ‘new friend’ before I went into recharge,” Starscream said. He crossed his arms.

“Are you mad?” Thundercracker asked meekly. She got up from her seat and walked over to poke Starscream’s shoulder, and when he ignored her by turning away, the blue seeker started to cry. “I didn’t want to hide it from you. I promise! And you’re the one who refused to talk to us first, let alone mention that you’re sparked by Soundwave of all mechs—wait, does he even know!?”

“No.”

“Why not!” Thundercracker began to shout out, “Soundwave should. You know how much you’re already hurting him by not saying anything.”

Skywarp and Nova Storm looked at him, about to say something, but Starscream cut them off.

“Because there’s no point!” he fumed, angrily. “Soundwave made his feelings about me and our relationship very clear to me the last time we spoke here. Here on Earth. So, what if I’m sparked, and that fool is the supposed sire? Does that mean I have to tell him everything? Why? He doesn’t care about me. And I don’t care about him!?”

He got up after that and headed out to go and tend to his garden. Starscream sat down, knees pressed into the dirt and grass, optics and servos focused on the weeds in front of his path. He wanted to pull at them but gave up, starting to curse out Soundwave again. It wasn’t that he was necessarily mad or upset about Thundercracker finding someone to talk to, a new friend; maybe he was mad that Soundwave had known about it for who knows how long and didn’t bother to alert him. But when he considered the reasons as to why someone like Soundwave didn’t have to report to him anymore, let alone that they really had no reason to report back to each other about Thundercracker’s life or care, he felt helpless all over again.

And maybe he loathed that; maybe he loathed how he no longer had access to Soundwave or his tolerance. He used to be adamant about pushing whatever boundary or level of understanding that they’d formed in the past. Soundwave, on the other hand, aware of what his intentions were, never stopped him, never rejected him outright, but he never expressed in good faith that there was something that could never return in touch: metal, data pad. Maybe only Primus knew why it ended the way it did and how a single sparkling could still be born between them and that only one of them knew of their existence.

Starscream wasn’t good at following instructions, aware of the hurt he was causing Soundwave right now, but also his own by not letting the sire of his sparkling know of their existence. But he can’t pick at his reasons for not saying anything in good conscience or begin to make it sound any better than it could’ve been painted. He felt selfish, but at the same time, he felt hurt. Hurt at how true Soundwave’s last words to him were. The understanding that they had both caused it to fall apart in their own way, and maybe deep down that if it wasn’t Soundwave’s fault for leaving first or the way he did, then it had been his. He was the catalyst to their falling out—the reason his spark ached, his pride endless, and his fears of the unknown was so irrational.

Will I even be able to love you? He asked his sparkling, relieved when there was no response or sign of from them. His initial anger and outburst, despite its arrogance, continued to undo itself to a varying degree of reason. Growth was slow, but he liked to imagine it was similar to the plants he took care of—growth was slow and steady, sometimes faster if given the right conditions, yet also so easily destroyed and ruined if everything worked against it.

So, Starscream got up and tried to head back into the house, swallowing both his fears and pride, all in one simple go. But was met almost immediately with the sight of his seekers, their optics, wings, and EM fields filled with embarrassment but also unease—they too were rather apologetic for their words and actions.

The distance between Starscream and his seekers becomes nothing soon—no longer a breathing and walking tragedy, not when he can see or feel them in his arms, staring at him; the lack of words doesn't bother him. Neither does the abundance of silence—it all comes down to this—remembering they were never meant to have survived once or expected to when fighting in the war or on Earth after it, but have, and still do.

Starscream took a slow and hesitant breath. His wings bending like the wind as he said to them, “I—I didn’t try to contact you first either; I was scared you hated me already. It would’ve made sense… If you did.”

“I mean…” Nova Storm said, “You did go insane with power, so we were resentful. But you were also trapped and stuff for weeks as a result of everything, so… It’s not like you knew that was going to happen or meant to put everyone in danger, Starscream.”

“Yeah, Screamer. It’s…it was a lot for everyone.” Skywarp said. She rubbed her arm and looked at Thundercracker, who nodded before looking at Starscream again. “Plus, we left you here on Earth… Well, Nova Storm and I did. Thundercracker didn’t know what was going on on Earth, and if she did, she would've wanted to stay with you or save you.”

Thundercracker immediately ran to hug him, sensing that the atmosphere had changed again. “I’m just glad you’re okay. Sorry, I couldn’t find the time to come sooner or tell you about Jetfire. Cybertron has been a mess. I missed you. We missed you. 

“I missed you too. All of you,” Starscream acknowledged. He looked around as if to make sure no one else would have been able to hear him. “I almost missed your hatch day too, Thundercracker.”

“It’s not too late!” Thundercracker exclaimed. “We can celebrate it right now, in fact.”

“Then how would you like to spend it?” Starscream said, smiling.

“Movies!?” she said happily. Thundercracker started to bounce and grab hold of Skywarp, shaking the purple seeker's shoulders before moving onto Nova Storm. “Can we, guys!? It’ll be like old times!”

They all looked at her funny but nodded. Starscream rolled his optics before ushering the three seekers in front of him inside, grumbling about how he had some movies they might be interested in and snacks he forgot to eat or had been hoarding.

“You always have too many snacks,” Thundercracker said. It would’ve sounded like she was complaining if not for the pile of snacks in her arms. Or that she had been sticking out her glossa at Starscream while he watched her, Skywarp, and Nova Storm rummage through his cabinets like a crew of cyber mice.

“And you never stop talking,” Starscream said. He kept his servo hovering around the remote and his optics glued on the television screen; too many things to watch—he would never get through them all at this point. But what annoyed him the most was that he already knew which ones he had seen. Soundwave liked to watch movies with his remaining cassettes after Megatron left, after they’d established their own base; sometimes they even fell asleep with a movie or two still playing in the background.

“Maybe this is why your carrier abandoned you,” he said, while trying to erase the memory of Soundwave snuggled up on the couch with Frenzy and Ravage. If Starscream was lucky, sometimes he would get pulled into it, forced to wait it out. Soundwave had an iron grip sometimes, especially if he didn’t want to let something or someone go. He wondered if Soundwave missed that but figured it was a lost cause to think about it. It wasn’t something he knew how to ask for again or miss.

“I like to think they were just trying to teach me things before giving me up! Like what's edible and not edible.” Thundercracker said, yelping when Skwarp grabbed her by the waist and tossed her onto the couch, she flipped over, landing on her aft with a groan. “That hurt!?”

“Yeah, well. You’re talking too much.” Skywarp said, huffing. She reached over, taking one of the data chips in Thundercracker’s lap, and opened it.

“She’s just upset you’re hogging the snacks right now.” Nova Storm said, laughing. It became her turn next to take something from Thundercracker, but unlike her trine member, she offered some of it before digging in herself. “Did you pick a movie?” she asked Thundercracker after.

“No, but—”

“You want romance, we know.” A combination of Starscream, Skywarp, and Nova Storm said, finishing Thundercracker’s sentence. She’d have been offended if that didn’t apply—that they cared enough to remember her taste in fiction despite claiming that they weren’t or acting as if it were Unicron itself trying to make them listen or watch it.

“You guys know me so well,” Thundercracker said rather happily. “Can I have the remote then?”

“It’s your hatch day,” Starscream said, bored already. “Go for it and keep the mutt out of your snacks. She can’t even digest, let alone fit any of that in her mouth!”

He heard a single woof in response. Buster, for all her worth, had been sitting nearby, tail wagging, ears perked in response to the sound of bags being opened, and Thundercracker was staring at her as if she felt guilty about something.

Thundercracker got up from where she was sitting and bent down to pet Buster before asking Starscream, “Does she have treats?”

“I think there are some,” he said. "I was gifted chewing stick for her to eat, but they’re a little too big, so try to watch her, or she’ll choke.”

“I always thought you were more of a cat person,” Nova Storm said, servo pressed to the side of her cheek. Skywarp had already fallen asleep, head propped onto Nova Storm’s shoulder like she was a pillow. “Or are you so cat-like even cats don’t want you?” she jokes.

“There are some cats,” Starscream said. “I feed them, but they get scared of Buster. So now they only come early in the morning or late at night to eat. Also, they like to roll all over my poor garden! Do you know how many seedlings those cats have killed by now? How many flowers?”

“No, I’d need to see the culprits first and then decide if they should be guilty.”

“Well, then you’d better check before bed or wake up early in the morning.”

⊹₊⟡⋆

“Did you learn how to mix this from Soundwave?” Skywarp asked. “It kind of tastes like how he makes his energon, but better…?”

“No. He learned it from me. Actually…” Starscream said. He stared at the energon cube on the counter, his optics narrowing slightly. “...I used to mix this specific blend for him and his cassettes all the time. It helps keep mechs full. Helps them feel satiated when they’re used to not eating much or don’t eat enough. I doubt he knows what goes into it though, so what he makes must taste different.”

“Oh,” Skywarp said, taking a slow sip from her energon cube.

Nova Storm and Thundercracker were still in the bathroom, removing their makeup, so it was just her and Starscream right now fueling in the kitchen. Buster was eating her dinner too.

“Oh?” Starscream said, raising an optic brow at her.

Was there something else Skywarp had been expecting to hear from him? Like that Soundwave was the one always taking care of him and not the other way around? Starscream had trouble imagining that with how much hoarding Soundwave did or how he would forget to eat sometimes due to his irregular eating habits. The worst was when Soundwave had clearly eaten too much but refused to say anything or stop, so Starscream had to figure out something that would offset that or at least use it as a reward if Soundwave was more honest with him about his energon levels being below 70% or not.

“Nothing, it’s just. I always thought it was weird you kept so much stuff for him to fuel up on before we left for Earth and after we landed on Earth. You never told him either it was you who did all that. He always assumed it was some other mech who mixed it for him in the morning.”

“Soundwave didn’t need to know. He just needed to fuel. Ravage said he used to not eat enough in the pits and said he’s starved before. Has issues because of it. That’s all.”

“He complains it doesn’t taste the same.” Skywarp said.

“His energon?” Starscream said, confused as he reached for another empty glass or cube.

Thundercracker and Nova Storm had similar tastes to Soundwave, so he knew what blend they’d already asked to be made by him whenever they got out.

“Soundwave said it tasted different the first time he mixed his own energon up on Cybertron, but after that he stopped mentioning it. Maybe he realized why it tastes so different. Frenzy won’t complain about the taste, not in front of Soundwave at least, but she tells me yours is better.”

“If I give you guys some extra energon to take back home, will you make sure it goes to Soundwave and Frenzy? You don’t have to tell Soundwave it’s from me, though. He might think it’s poisoned."

“Sure.”

It’s been a while since Starscream mixed the type of energon Soundwave likes, but he still remembers it because it feels good. Every time he catches himself about to make it or already has, he’s completely amazed by how much of his care for how Soundwave likes his energon still exists. He tried to drink some of it himself too but thought it was missing something.

It’s hard to erase Soundwave, he has learned. Even after they argued to the bitter end, swearing to never see each other again, it was never a clean escape. At least for him—as if to say, "Do you also still miss me?"

Notes:

It feels nice
The sounds of laughter
We even shared a smile
I tease her
But then I was reminded of you
She even asked if I missed you

Chapter 4: For-Get-Me-Nots

Notes:

my beta reader has been a little busy with commissions/projects, so it's just me today with another sporadic-random update and self-edits. The airplane and music player tend to blow up a lot despite the pain it causes to each other

Everyone else who had to witness their argument: ... (I can't believe these guys are going to BE parents.)

“Go home, Ravage. I’m fine.”

“No, you need someone to keep you company right now,” Ravage said. She looked Starscream up and down, didn’t need a test to know that the seeker was sparked, her nose told her enough. He was far in the stages of carrying, but not too far. Maybe this would explain why Soundwave had been feeling weird every so often like someone was calling for him to be by their side, but they’d never been able to figure it out who. Maybe not until now, Ravage thought to herself.

She had been on a mission today. Frenzy and Laserbeak had said Starscream was acting weird (more secretive than usual), Thundercracker was on Earth more now as well, same with her trine. After a fair amount of feeling that something must have been wrong, Ravage found herself attempting to visit Earth. She sneaked around Cybertron and made her way to the now fixed but unused space bridge to the blue and green planet.

Shockwave had finished rebuilding it in his free time. It took him several attempts to keep interest in it, but he never said he wouldn’t when Ravage and the other cassettes implied interest in visiting Starscream or Earth again. Soundwave never said anything when asked if he would come. He remained tense and quiet whenever asked or updated—insisting that the seeker was probably fine, that he didn’t need to be updated about him by Frenzy or Laserbeak when they came back from Earth, so Ravage felt she had no choice, but to go and have a look herself. She thought something was off.

“I don’t,” Starscream said, tired. “I don’t need anyone else right now to keep an optic on me. My seekers and Buster are more than enough company.”

He sank further into the pile of blankets that had been surrounding him—his own makeshift nest. He was not ready to discuss things with Ravage. It was enough that Frenzy and Laserbeak had their own little suspicions about if he was sparked or not, but wouldn’t directly ask. He was glad they didn’t though he would have tried changed the subject to something else like how he was now with Ravage until a sudden bout of dizziness made him groan and lean back into his nest.

Thundercracker looked at him. She sat at the edge of the nest but refused to persuade Starscream like Ravage had been or attempted to—prod him for more information. Instead, she got inside of the nest to lay next to him, her head on his shoulder. “But Starscream, you’re sparked.”

“And!?” Starscream yelled. He watched as Ravage joined Thundercracker, she stepped inside the nest, circling him before her jaguar-like frame was curled atop his stomach. She tilted her head to the side and looked at him as if waiting for Starscream to continue. “I can handle it,” he said. “I don’t need, Soundwave.”

“But you do!” Thundercracker said, angrily. “There, I said it again—you need him. Even Ravage thinks so.”

“Then what!” Starscream said. “Have Soundwave comes back to Earth? Have him come back for the sparkling? Take it away from me—”

“He wouldn’t, and you know it! You’re making things up at this point because you miss Soundwave, but won’t put away your pride to contact him first,” she said. “Go on, Ravage. Tell him he’s making this more difficult than he should. It’s so obvious that he and Soundwave should talk!”

“It’s best to tell him,” Ravage said. “Soundwave deserves to know the truth or at least be informed of it.”

Starscream frowned. “But what would telling him I’m sparked change? It’s been…I don’t know since we last spoke. Not since…”

“Since you went insane and almost killed everyone on Earth? Had Hashtag knock you out! And Prowl dragged you off somewhere to undergo an entire psych eval!?” Thundercracker hissed out. She rolled off Starscream in an instant the moment she saw a servo thrown her way, aiming for her faceplate at reckoning speed. “It’s true—”

“My point still stands. Soundwave would only come and stay with me for the sparkling at best. Not me. I don’t need his pity. Nor do I need him . I’m perfectly capable of raising this sparkling without his aid.” 

“But Megatron said…” Thundercracker tried to say. “He said—”

“What? He said what?” Starscream sneered. “He’s never had to carry before. So, what if Prime and he have had a sparkling now, Thundercracker? What use is their advice to me when neither of them are seekers.”

“Starscream,” Ravage said, meowing. She stared at him and then at Thundercracker and shook her head. “The sparkling will die without him around to help regulate its spark. It will need the both of you to develop properly according to Megatron. You know this. You need Soundwave sooner or later.”

“And?” Starscream said. He shoved Ravage off of him, servos now clenched, and wings hiked out of fury. “It’s as you say. I need him ‘sooner or later’ for the sparkling not now. In fact, I don’t need you two around either. You’re free to leave! Go back to Cybertron like everyone else did. Go back like you did before, Ravage!”

“Fine, maybe you don’t need Soundwave now, but what happens when later comes around!” Ravage growled. Her gaze was as fierce as a lioness. “Later, when your instincts demand the sire of your sparkling to be there for you? To care for you!? When your sparkling demands for Soundwave to be by its side? Because it already has started to. What will you do when Soundwave finally realizes he has had a sparkling all along. A sparkling who has been waiting for him to realize it exists!”

“I’ll deal with it when the time comes,” he said slowly. “You don’t need to remind me.”

“That doesn’t change anything!” Ravage said, furious. “How could you be so—” 

“Be so selfish?” Starscream started to say. He raised his servos and began to point at her. “Is that what you and Thundercracker really want to say to me, Ravage? Because I can see that. I understand that, but I can also see that—No, I understand that he doesn’t care about me. Why would he? I’m me .”

“Starscream, that’s not true,” Ravage said. “Soundwave does. He still cares about you.”

Thundercracker nodded. “She’s right.”

“Like I’d have the courage to believe in that still. Not after he left me. Not after everyone left me,” Starscream murmured. “I still find it rather shocking that you of all bots were willing to visit me, Ravage. Thundercracker, fine, but that’s because she was stuck on Cybertron for so long. Skywarp and Nova Storm still have the guts to visit, but that’s more out of loyalty. Everyone else…I can’t even pretend to be surprised about it.”

He got up and out of his makeshift nest, looking around to see if there was any possible method of escape, he could take right now. The seeker felt lost all of a sudden. His time and memories of being underground, trapped, forced to answer questions—it was all returning, but so was the pain of finally seeing Soundwave after so long and being ignored in those moments. Then abandoned once again on Earth as if he truly had meant nothing—following the height of his madness.

Ravage sat beside his pedes. She pawed at his legs and said, quietly, “Soundwave has always been worried about you since returning to Cybertron. He wouldn’t say it or ask. But I could tell he wanted to know how you were doing whenever Frenzy and Laserbeak mentioned visiting you…I felt it, so I came to Earth…on my own…without his permission.”

Starscream felt his spark drop in response to Ravage’s words. Slowly, he bent down and picked her up. His somber gaze locked with hers. “He doesn’t know you’re here?”

“…I came because I know how much he misses you.” Ravage said. She sighed and licked the seekers nose. “I know how much you want this sparkling. And that Soundwave would want it too. Soundwave would be ecstatic to learn there is another sparkling for him to care for… You and I both know how hard he took Rumble’s passing.”

Thundercracker stared at the both of them. Her silence is almost deafening if not for the look in her optics. It was clear she had something to say but was hesitant.

“Speak,” Starscream ordered, but paused when he saw the fear that formed in Thundercracker’s frame. Reminiscent of the fear he had used to feel before with Megatron, Starscream tries to swallow the lump in his throat and relax his shoulder. He can feel his wings droop and his voice lower softly. “If you have anything to say… Go ahead.”

“I just don’t get why you're so scared to tell him,” Thundercracker said, reluctantly. She stepped forward and looked up at Starscream. “I mean… it’s not like he’d get mad, right?”

Starscream opened his mouth to speak, but closed it immediately after. There was an overwhelming sense of shame and embarrassment when he thought of Soundwave at that moment. More when he imagined the look of hidden annoyance and forced care the other would be forced to provide him due to the sparkling. And that wasn’t what Starscream wanted. He wanted Soundwave to be with him because he cared for him and the sparkling’s well-being.

“You don’t have to answer. Why,” Ravage said. She pressed her nose into Starscream’s cheek, nuzzling him. “But that doesn’t take away from the fact that Soundwave sooner or later will find out about this sparkling, whether it be from you or us. You have to tell him. If not for yourself, then for the sake of this little one’s survival.”

Starscream could only grow quiet in response to Ravage’s words and Thundercracker’s incoming EM field as he stood there. A weight of his guilt slowly lifted off of his shoulders. Fresh coolant dripping down his faceplate, his world barely falling apart, and circuitry dredging up the aforementioned mess of stagnated memories; the sense of loss and his equilibrium distorted, disillusioned.

“Then what?” Starscream said, finally. He manages to wipe the tears from his optics and sit up. His shoulders and wings, however, still shake with unease. “Even if I told him…. He’d say I’m a terrible carrier. He’d be like everyone—”

“He still calls for you in his recharge on Cybertron. Leaving you the way he did, it eats at him, even if he pretends it doesn’t,” Ravage said softly. “Even before you and Soundwave were imprisoned next to each other by G.H.O.S.T. He would call out your name in his recharge. He’d ask for you not to go. He still loves you, Starscream. I swear on my spark. So please… Please give him a chance. For me.” 

“Okay,” Starscream whispered. He soon stood up and tried to calm his breath. Reluctantly he looked down at Thundercracker. Her optics are full of hope, but also sadness. “I’ll call Soundwave… I’ll call him, but no promises it’ll go smoothly.” 

Filled with dread, Starscream rubbed a servo over his forearm. Behind him, Thundercracker is pacing as if she were the one supposed to deliver the news to Soundwave and not him. The older seeker has half a mind to yell at her but stops himself. There was no point. She was there to support him. Ravage sat beside his pedes, licking at her metal paws, tail curled around his legs.

The three of them stand there in silence, watching and waiting for Soundwave to pick up.

“Starscream?”

“I’m sure you’re just dying to know why I decided to call you all of a sudden,” he said, smirking.

“No,” Soundwave answered, coldly. He looked at the seeker in front of him lazily, as if he was still processing something. He thought it was strange of Starscream to call him out of the blue. Although the two of them had been close once, they were not lovers nor colleagues anymore.

Obviously, they took two completely different paths.

And the ex-communication officer didn’t know what he should’ve done or what he shouldn’t have done the moment he saw Starscream’s line pop up on his screen—a call from Earth. Of course, he didn’t want to pick up, but nor did he want to lose a chance to see what his ex-leader and ex-lover had to say. He was afraid Starscream had another ploy up his sleeve, and he was also afraid that because Ravage was currently missing, Starscream had something to do with it.

“Well, just so you know. There’s something of yours here.” Starscream narrowed his optics slightly, reached over to grab something, and pulled it in the direction of the screen, giving Soundwave a full view of the seeker’s environment. His waist slid down, his wings fluttered, and the ends of his servos showed off Ravage. She almost looked like she was floating when held like that.

Soundwave was stunned, staring at Starscream for a while, and then realized what he had meant, or what he thought it’d meant.

“And before you start accusing me. She found me like this. I didn’t do anything,” Starscream said. He held Ravage in his arms, coddling her like a baby, lowering his head and gaze so that it couldn’t be seen. However, the movements of his wings were a little shaky—he was hiding something. Then Starscream looked up at Soundwave.

“I’m here too!” Thundercracker said, happily. She bounced up and down, waving at Soundwave.

At this time, Soundwave was still someone unsure how to deal with Starscream when he acted like this. Or how to deal with this strange ex-lover of his with others around. There was still a sincere beat in his spark, however, when looking at the seeker. Despite the complicated expression that was plastered on his faceplate and the clear mess behind him. There were blankets upon blankets tossed and arranged across the floor, plants, and unfinished canvases full of paint.

Something was different about Starscream today, as if he felt at peace now about something. His metal was shinier, and he looked like he had been getting more recharge. In fact, Soundwave wanted to ask him directly about it. It was obvious something had happened to Starscream. He thought for a while and then sighed. Under the knee-jerk reaction that whatever the seeker was up to was no longer his business to cater towards or care about, Soundwave thought that even if he got involved, both parties would walk out unhappy again; at least that’s how it's always been before.

He couldn’t guarantee that Starscream had called him with good intentions.

“Ravage is safe?” Soundwave asks, calm.

“She is,” Starscream said without looking up. His gaze on Ravage. “You think that low of me?”

“Yes.”

“Huh?” Expectantly, Starscream got angry. He suddenly started to shout, with a ferocious expression. “You think I’m that cruel of a person? That I’d hurt her!?”

Soundwave tilted his head, and he stared at Starscream’s bright blue optics—the ice-blue hue. He looked at it behind his visor, his mask. Those optics had once been something Soundwave had thought could be quite beautiful but could also easily lose its beauty when filled with greed and madness. More when they couldn’t see through his spark. At least in his memory, Starscream never bothered to understand his feelings. But in that same breath, perhaps he hadn’t bothered to understand Starscream’s feelings either.

Soundwave lowered his head, looking at the data pad he had been holding earlier before accepting the call, then gave Starscream another cold and cut answer. “Yes. Soundwave is also confused as to why Starscream had to call him. This could have been a simple text.”

Starscream started to laugh. He laughed to the point of near tears and then gave Soundwave an apologetic smile. “I’m sparked and wanted you to know.”

Earlier, he had been thinking a lot. Thinking a lot about how he was carrying, and that it had to have been Soundwave’s sparkling. There were no other mechs crazy enough to interface with him, and then there was the last time they’d ever interfaced, it matched. He kept thinking about what Soundwave was to him and what he was to Soundwave. And what Soundwave must be doing now on Cybertron—new friends, new allies, new everything without him. That sooner or later Soundwave would fall in love with someone else in the future on Cybertron, and he would be left in the dark about it on Earth. He thought about how they used to sneak off to share a few kisses on the Nemesis, the mental games they played with each other during the war, and the arguments that spurred their eventual and final ending after the war—there had been more than a few. He missed it almost. Or maybe he just missed Soundwave and the sound of his voice.

“Starscream is sparked?”

“I am, yes.”

Soundwave looked at Starscream and was speechless for a moment. “Congratulations.”

“You’re not even a little curious who did it?” Starscream supported his chin with a servo and said, casually. “What, don’t care?”

“No.” Soundwave didn’t say anything after that. His mind was still attempting to process what he had been told, and when he realized that what he had heard was indeed correct, though illogical to his drives, he accepted it. “Wish Starscream well. But Soundwave doesn’t understand why he must be involved given how he and Starscream broke up.”

“See, this is why we broke up,” Starscream said, annoyed. “Soundwave, you really are emotionless when it comes to these things. It’s a pity all you’re good for is a good frag.”

“And Starscream only thinks of himself. Soundwave is busy and can’t imagine someone who’d be willing to have a family with Starscream of all mechs. That would be difficult rather to endure due to Starscream’s inability to handle conflict or reason with people. Soundwave does not regret leaving really.”

“It’s good then that you’re not this child’s sire.”

“Soundwave too. Call finished?”

“Yeah, we’re finished here. More than finished.” Starscream pressed his lips together and stared at the screen in front of him as the call ended. “Fool.”

Starscream had tried to force himself to confess, or attempt to confess, his current condition to Soundwave with mixed results. But in the end, he had given Soundwave only half of the real truth.

Out of the corner of his optical field, he can make out Thundercracker’s upset expression. Starscream shook his head at her but fell silent when faced with her and Ravage’s ferocious expression. Their disapproval of his actions and words with Soundwave was clear as day, and had been expressed earlier during the call, but because they had understood this wasn’t their fight; both Thundercracker and Ravage had stayed silent during the entirety of it until now.

“I thought the whole point of the call was to tell Soundwave the sparkling is his…” Thundercracker said, to the point of tears. “… And not that it isn’t his at all!”

She had her head in her servos after. In short, the blue seeker felt a sense of defeat wash over her. It had never been hidden from her how turbulent and numbing the relationship between Soundwave and Starscream was. Even when things were to be considered good, there were cracks in their foundation and leaks in their temper. But the most recent argument and interaction between them. No, she didn’t expect them to be that stupid. Thundercracker knew it had to be a test from Primus or the fates playing another cruel trick on her family. This feeling reached its peak when Thundercracker saw Ravage with a similar and dumbfounded expression. The robot feline looked as if she was debating if it was reasonable or not to claw Starscream given his current status of being sparked, and with the acceptance that she couldn’t, that meant Soundwave had to be clawed instead— later for sure.

And after Starscream had been yelled at and reminded of what he had said and didn’t say, there was finally a proper sense of panic. Starscream felt stupid. His original purpose of the call was to let Soundwave know that he was the sire, that this was their sparkling, to ensure the safety of it, hopefully. Because he thought maybe what Ravage had told him was true, Soundwave might have still loved him. But who knew it’d have felt more like a trick of fate? Either way, he had messed up—there was no one to blame, but him for what he had done and said on the call with Soundwave.

And it reached its peak when he felt a throb in his chamber, or a direct kick to his spark. It almost pierced through Starscream’s circuits, and the seeker had to re-enter his nest. He lay there on his back, groaning, servo over his optics. He would have to find a way to explain himself later in front of Soundwave. And the seeker could already imagine the lecture he would get from the other when he learned of the truth, if it ever got out. Soundwave had already sounded harsh to him under the assumption that the sparkling wasn’t his, couldn’t have been his. So, what would happen if he learned that it was?

Thundercracker and Ravage joined him almost immediately. They stayed beside him in the nest, returning to their original positions—the ones they had been in before everything had started to feel as if it was falling apart again. At least they had the decency to not scold him again or here of all places, Starscream thought. Soundwave had already torn any bit of hope the seeker could’ve had.

Starscream sneered at his annoyed sparkling, the one who continued to rattle and kick at him from the inside of his chamber, to express its anger. “Ah, so even you agree that I messed up...”

Another kick, but this one is much harsher and the pain to his side lingers like a heated and rubbed on bruise.

“...That your sire messed up too,” he said, quietly. “That we both shouldn’t have drawn our weapons so easily and fought over who was at fault for how it ended.” Finally, the sparkling settled down, Starscream’s reaction was to say something out of anger again, but when he looked down at where his sparkling was housed, he felt a bit of affection and rubbed a servo over his chamber out of habit. “Don’t worry, little one. I won’t let your sire off so easily.”

Notes:

If I asked for the moon would you have given it to me?
Would you have used it to fill the space that you left to me?
Well now I won’t know
But I do know
My hands miss you
I miss your skin
But do you miss me?
I know my answer still hasn’t changed
What about you?

Chapter 5: Enough Music

Notes:

The author has been freed to post again and has arrived with another meal to serve! (SDW would cry if he saw how much everyone has been scolding him since last chapter. Starscream would probably laugh until he’s on the floor because he finds it amusing).

Soundwave and Starscream are rather flawed and argumentative individuals who know where to cut each other the deepest (through words), but they do get eventually get a happy ending! (please believe me)

Soundwave had his optics still trained on the black screen in front of him; the remnants of his conversation with Starscream lingered, and like any old disgruntled lover, it had ended with heat behind it—the words between them sawed in half until they could no longer be recognized. His reflection was staring back at him as if it too wanted to question him for what had been said earlier to Starscream—the belief that the seeker was still the same person he was before they parted, but sparked.

Starscream was sparked.

For the past cycle, it felt as if Soundwave had something stuck in his processors, but Hook and KnockOut said it must have been in his motherboard—all in his head—sometimes whatever it was felt numbing, barely there. Maybe he had gotten punched or thrown around too many times during the war, and a screw or two had gotten loose. Sometimes it was loud and like the sound of jets in the sky flying over him. He didn’t complain or whine when it started to gnaw at him. He tried to ignore why it felt as if something was calling for him—confused why it felt so familiar to his spark, it felt like an ordinary yet desperate greeting. It circled his dreams sometimes, chasing away any nightmares when it came by to see him.

Who are you? He’d ask it, but there was never an answer, or if there was, it wasn’t a comprehensible one—it sounded like a sharp beep, squeak, or cry. An unknown servo reaches for him–his ankle—drawing him to bend down and see who they are, but before he can see who they are, the servo fades, a sad beep is heard as if to say, maybe you’ll understand me next time, even if only for a little.

Soundwave held a servo to his chin, the palm of it pressed against his mask; the action was almost similar to how he had witnessed Starscream do it earlier on screen. However, instead of Ravage in his servos to balance or play with, he had a data pad instead to grip onto—and bend into.

“Starscream sparked?” he said out loud, breaking the silence. “Soundwave can’t be the sire? Starscream wanted him to know that?”

He felt his mood take an immediate nosedive after that—he was struggling to imagine Starscream was actually sparked, let alone who was crazy enough to spark the seeker. But what had probably bothered him the most was that he, of all mechs, was informed of such events when there was no need or reason to let him know—unless the intention was for Starscream to poke at his sore spot. He’d always wanted a sparkling by the time he and Starscream were reunited again on Earth, but struggled to find the words or the justification to believe that his frame could still produce after so many attempts to. He was forced to be sterile according to his masters in Kaon—it’d be unfitting for a gladiator to become sparked or spark another mech, they said. He didn’t own his frame or parts, they said. And if he did? There was little truth in that. The truth was Soundwave was never supposed to carry or sire.

He learned what it meant to be broken in two and cracked into different pieces as a sparkling, whose first premise and impulse ruled the world, what loneliness felt like in the end—that it wasn’t fair or ideal to dream of more. His family—built out of the forgotten—was more than enough to make up for what was taken from him before it could even bloom or develop—they were his everything and more. But sometimes Soundwave wondered what it’d have been like if he was sparked by Starscream one day, if Starscream would’ve stopped everything for him then, if they’d have a happier end, if the chanting of the crowds he used to hear when he lived in Kaon would’ve never happened if they’d lived different lives.

If the words— live, live, live!

Would still exist in his spark?

In Soundwave’s opinion, there was really no point for Starscream to tell him he was sparked unless the seeker thought it’d be funny to play another game of mental space chess between the two of them. Soundwave wouldn’t be surprised. They were always like that. But then he had a thought. What if Starscream wasn’t joking about being sparked? What if he actually had been sparked by someone else?

Suddenly Soundwave felt his world start to spin and the data pad in his servos became invisible to him as he started to run through a list of possible sires—who was still on Earth right now, or who could’ve gotten the chance to hook up with Starscream, get him sparked? 

Soundwave stared at the data in front of him—Starscream’s old medical file—the seeker should’ve had any and all carrier protocols removed from his frame; it should’ve been impossible for him to be sparked by anyone. That was something Soundwave knew better than anyone because he’s always been the one to interface with Starscream during their time together—no one else.

He also found it hard to believe Starscream would have Skywarp deliver him and Frenzy a few cubes of energon—moons ago—without the intention to mess with them a little, or if not, then to tease Soundwave for not eating like he should. Someone had to have told the seeker he wasn’t eating enough. It wouldn’t have been surprising if his cassettes or Thundercracker said something.

The blend of energon was recognizable even if the purple seeker never said who it was from or acted coy when they expressed liking it. He’d always known about Starscream’s care for him, that he made his energon in the morning before when they were still together, but he had found it difficult to discern how genuine it was at times due to the nature of their relationship—always at odds, thinking of love as a sacred yet radical act. They loved with such difficulty, one fuse away from ending it first or reminding the other it was only supposed to be a simple but physical affair—nothing more.

He snapped out of his thoughts when the door behind him made a sudden whooshing sound and Frenzy appeared before him. She looked at him rather strangely before saying, “Boss, you’re going to break your data pad at this rate. Did something happen?”

Soundwave’s shoulders froze when he heard that, and he looked down at the data pad in his hands. It had started to crack; a sharp and jagged line had started to form across the thin, glossy-like material. If he held it any tighter, then there would be no point in using it anymore.

“Starscream called,” he said, trying to keep his EM field from leaking out. It was rough like an angry sea—it was flaring out of pettiness.

“Oh, then you heard the news,” Frenzy said. “Thundercracker just told me. Oh yeah, Ravage said she’s sorry for running off like that. Said it was an emergency, so she’s going to stay with Starscream for a while.”

Soundwave frowned. His thoughts were a mess—replaying what Frenzy had just told him. Thundercracker had also confirmed the news of Starscream’s new status? Ravage wanted to stay by Starscream’s side? It was an emergency—

“Boss?” Frenzy called out to him. She touched his servo and looked up at him. “Are you okay? You don’t look so good. Do you need to visit Earth to see Starscream right now? Everyone would understand.”

“No,” Soundwave said, huffing. He put the soon-to-be-broken data pad down and started to walk away. “Starscream has confirmed Soundwave is not the sire. There is no need to visit him or care for the sparkling.”

Frenzy followed after him. “Yeah, but it’s Starscream. The guy who has insanely bad communication skills… The guy you never stop arguing or picking fights with. How do you know he just got mad again and said the wrong thing? I mean, think about it… Who in their right mind would hook up with him?”

Soundwave stopped walking and turned to stare at her. He felt his finials start to bend down and his systems send another warning. Another high fluctuation of emotion had been detected. He needed to calm down—to stop thinking about Starscream and the sweetness he was used to experiencing.

“I mean…” Frenzy said softly. She pressed the tips of her digits together. “… You’re the only one who has a soft spot for him. And I can’t imagine him finding the courage or interest to hook up with anyone else besides you. He must have called you for a reason.”

“Starscream called to update Soundwave on where Ravage is and her status. His information about being sparked, for all Soundwave knows, was an attempt to cause confusion and divert attention to himself again because he is mistaken about Soundwave’s tolerance and interest in him and his affairs.”

But despite what he had said. Soundwave felt that it’d been wrong to label Starscream like that. If anything, he had to force himself to.

“Whatever helps you recharge at night, Boss,” Frenzy said, arms crossed. “Life is short, and we both know you still love him.”

⊹₊⟡⋆

Starscream sneezed and let out a loud groan. He’d been in the middle of painting something when his nose had started to itch, and out of habit, he cursed Soundwave for talking about him, for making him sneeze and almost ruin his painting. At least that was how he felt it must have been happening right now that their call had ended. Ravage was sitting on top of his head, her warm frame curled around him, while Thundercracker went out to walk Buster and look at the sunset with Hashtag.

“Just so we’re clear, he’s the idiot here. Not me,” Starscream said. He looked down at Ravage. However, she refused to meet his gaze and instead rolled over to expose her belly, and a loud purring sound could be heard. “Acting cute won’t make me call him again or try to explain that this sparkling is actually his. I don’t know why, but you and everyone else seem to believe there’s still something left between us. Everyone but me and Soundwave.”

“Why?” Ravage asked him. She lifted her head, propping both her paws and chin onto Starscream’s knee as if she had been after that piece of information all along, trying to get a different reaction out of Starscream. Finally, there was an opening. “Why do you believe that?”

Starscream avoided her gaze, and his optics lingered on the painting. His mind, for whatever reason, had started to recall why he and Soundwave had even broken up in the first place. It was a nasty fight, but there was a nastier reason to even have one.

Soundwave had gotten upset at him during the Great Migration—before things took a turn for the worst—because he wanted to hide and take a nap, ignoring his duties as leader for a cyber week—like he always did when it was Megatron in charge of things. If they were still on Cybertron, no war in sight, maybe Starscream would’ve found the courage to court Soundwave properly during the Great Migration, present him with something made for him, and ask him to be his with it.

The Great Migration was a considerable event, a courting season, similar to how birds liked to attract potential mates each passing year. They would gather hospitable nests and trinkets, push out their feathers, and sing songs—whatever was needed to show their future mate that they were the most ideal candidate to have a nest of hatchlings with. It was similar to how flight mechs or seekers from Vos chose to court each other, and, like how some birds or creatures were willing to mate for life, they did the same. A sparkmate is what it would’ve been called on Vos—a special term of endearment, similar to the word conjunx that was far more common and used on Cybertron, coined by society.

Vos had its traditions, stubborn and old in its own ways. So, every cycle or year, the Great Migration would roll around, and those from Vos would try to secure or let their love for another mech be known—like how humans had rings to propose or indicate a couple’s status, couples from Vos had flight crowns to wear or use for courting—even if for only a week in Earth time.

A flight crown was supposed to be special when gifted during the Great Migration; flowers were weaved and folded to form them—ideally the end result would represent the intended recipient—but they also came with a little catch. For every flight crown that was gifted, there had to be a returning one, especially if it had been made with the intentions of courting or capturing someone’s affection, and it had to be accepted or given in the cyber-week of the Great Migration. Meaning one’s proposal could be invalidated in nanoseconds if they were too late or did not receive a flight crown from their intended. 

However, not all flight crowns were romantic in nature, while some were romanticized, there were also flight crowns that could be made or given to friends and family, sometimes even to pupils by their professors, so long as the intentions were clear and made known, to be accepted without intention. Starscream had been given a few before and made some in return at the flight academy. But he had never felt the need to make one to court someone before.

Maybe until he fell for Soundwave and realized how far apart their ideals of love were, Starscream had always struggled to understand how far apart their versions of it were, that perhaps they were always destined to never see eye to eye. In a way, they were also doomed from the start, or rather Starscream was doomed from the start. Soundwave knew a little about the Great Migration from his time as a gladiator in Kaon; he found little interest in the festivities or show of love that mechs from Vos displayed or believed in. He thought it was too much and hinted at despising it.

Soundwave being from Kaon meant that he had experienced and was taught an entirely different style of love—something freer and more self-fulfilling. But maybe that had more to do with how the pits of Kaon operated; one could have their lover next to them one day and then never again. Perhaps that would explain why the Great Migration, whenever it appeared during their time serving in the war, would inevitably become the reason they broke up, or that the line of love and tolerance between them had already been stretched so thin it had become so opaque there was nothing to see or salvage anymore. Neither of them could have seen it coming or that it’d lead to it.

Whether it be the Nemesis, some random planet, or the sky. Starscream had a habit of avoiding Soundwave and all duties that were delegated to him; it was difficult for him to get his head on straight or his instincts to stop wanting Soundwave near, to spark the other, or to be sparked by the other. The worst of it was when he would give in and grab; sometimes he would grab him during the Great Migration, always near the end of it, and would force Soundwave to cuddle with him in some hidden makeshift nest in the Nemesis or their base on Earth. The most they ever did even then was hold servos while recharging for a nap and exchange maybe just a few shallow kisses before Soundwave had to finish more work or some surveillance for Megatron.

Naturally it wasn’t supposed to be that way, but ever since Starscream felt certain that though Soundwave would not return his feelings in full, he would at the very least indulge his strange endeavors and whims, circle his servos, and touch him. But despite that being the clear and defined status quo between them, Starscream felt it was inevitable to feel disappointed but also acknowledge that it was all cruel to a point. Cruel when his instincts told him to court Soundwave every Great Migration, bring him a flight crown made out of flowers and things of need, to expose to Soundwave his deepest feelings and truest wants under more official means of love, and to swear an oath that will never fade.

He had always felt just shy of actually doing it, and Soundwave had always expressed, admitted without words he didn’t want more with him than what they were—a physical affair with little emotional ties. How was he supposed to face Soundwave during the Great Migration if that was the case? All of his life he had been taught how important it was to find someone and the joy that would follow each migration. But the one he wants doesn’t want to accept it or see the value of it.

“Starscream can’t keep doing this,” Soundwave had said. He stood in front of the door to Starscream’s quarters, agitated like usual from dealing with so much work. All of it had been shoved onto him because Starscream refused to look at or listen to anyone. He shut himself off from the world and would only allow Skywarp and Nova Storm inside to care for him. “Starscream is being childish. He should act his age!”

Soundwave took a step back and decided that if Starscream wouldn’t open the door himself, then he had have to find his own way inside by breaking something. In an instant all it’d taken was a few sonic booms to shatter the windows, allowing Soundwave to enter and walk in on a sleeping Starscream. The seeker was bundled into a ball of sorts, his limbs knotted, his faceplate and wings tucked in on each other.”

An old clip of Megatron soon played. “Get up, Starscream.”

And was more than enough to stir Starscream. He shot up, prepared to blast or slam into something, his optics wide, and a fierce scowl on his faceplate. “Megatron!? No, Soundwave? What are you doing here? Get out. You know better than to disturb me.”

“Starscream may be hiding because of the Great Migration, but that does not mean he can shove all of his work and duties onto Soundwave. Not when he is supposed to be in charge,” he said, stepping forward to grab Starscream by his wrist. “Not when his stupid need to revive the emberspark is starting to go nowhere! Not when Starscream has always wanted to lead! He should lead properly. Act his age!”

“You’ve never complained before when I went into hiding for the Great Migration before!”

“That was before. This is now. Soundwave is complaining now because he doesn’t understand why Starscream is being so stubborn or why he feels the need to hide from everyone and Soundwave every cycle!”

“Because I don’t want to do anything right now, so let go of me, Soundwave! Right now, that’s an order.”

“No. Soundwave has had enough of Starscream pretending like he would care about the Great Migration. Not when he has only ever shown Soundwave that the Great Migration is an excuse for Starscream to mope around and hide from the world, the opposite of what it is supposed to represent, if it even has meaning to Starscream!”

“How dare you?” Starscream said, shouting. He pushed Soundwave and glared. “You of all mechs don’t get to talk so big. Talk about how I act. How I behave during the Great Migration when you’re not even from Vos. Have you ever even been in a relationship with anyone other than me? Like an actual relationship? No, because all you have to do is engage in a quick frag or wag your tail. Because you’re nothing more than a filthy little animal who only knows how to spread his legs and beg for his superiors to look at him.”

“Oh?” Soundwave said. “At least Soundwave knows how to take care of people. At least Soundwave knows what his relationship to Starscream is. But does Starscream know what his relationship to Soundwave is? No, he doesn’t because he’s a cruel and manipulative person when it comes to others. Starscream doesn’t know what love is. He doesn’t know how to love others. He doesn’t know how to love. He only knows how to control and take from others. Soundwave has had enough of his nonsense. He’s done with Starscream.”

Ravage noticed how quiet the seeker had grown in those next few seconds of silence and jumped onto his lap. She tried to catch his attention again by pawing at his faceplate, snapping him out of his thoughts. “Starscream?”

“How much do you know about the Great Migration, Ravage?” he said, quietly. Starscream stared at the paintbrush in his servo, rolling it between his digits. He still remembered the look of hurt that’d flashed on Soundwave’s faceplate—his anger blooming everywhere.

“A little. Isn’t that the time of the cycle when mechs from Vos try to court each other?”

“Yeah. And during the last Great Migration, Soundwave was upset at me again for hiding again. And I told him he wasn’t allowed to criticize how I act during the Great Migration because he’s not from Vos.”

“That’s true, but I doubt that’s why he got so mad in the first place,” she said.

“You’d scratch me if I told you what I said to make him that angry,” Starscream said, meekly. “I’m still mad at myself for saying what I said to him in the first place.”

“Try me.”

“I basically told Soundwave… He doesn’t know how to have proper relationships with people. Not when I’m the only frame of reference he’s ever had or been with technically. That he only knows how to interface with people and he’s nothing more than a loyalist dog to whoever is in charge and willing to... And in response he said, I don’t know how to love people. I only know how to control and take from others, stuff like that. I think you get the picture of why we broke up, Ravage. Or why we argued earlier.”

Starscream shut his optics as if bracing himself for whatever inevitable injury or sharp glossa insult that would come his way from Ravage. He knew how close the two were; they were practically family, sharing the same background and bond, but when it never came, Starscream was confused.

“Ravage?” he asks, opening his optics to look at her. She’s staring at him, contemplating something. “You’re mad, right?”

“Yeah, but I’m not mad enough to scratch you for what you said to Soundwave. I already wanted to scratch you earlier. Him too,” she said. “But I just can’t bring myself to.”

“Well, I think maybe you should be. I shouldn’t have said all of those things to Soundwave.” Starscream argued. “And it’s not like he was in the wrong to say all of those things about me back then or earlier—”

“So, you believe what he said about you is true then?” Ravage said, interrupting him. “Because I don’t. Frenzy told me about the energon you mixed for her and Soundwave a while ago. It got Soundwave to eat more than usual.”

“You saw how he reacted when I told him I was sparked earlier. He’s glad it wasn’t his. He can’t even begin to imagine it’s his!”

“I also saw how you told him the sparkling wasn’t his,” Ravage corrected. “That he was only good for a frag and that’s why you broke up.”

Starscream winced. Still embarrassed by how he had acted in front of Soundwave. “I know, Ravage… I know I messed up. I should’ve told him it was his, but I just got so mad when he tried to insist that I was up to no good again! That I was wasting his time by even calling.”

Ravage sighed. “Yes, Soundwave is just as at fault for what happened earlier. It was mean of him to say those things. Cruel,” she acknowledges. “But I was also surprised that Soundwave said so much in the first place when you called. He stopped speaking to most mechs when we got back to Cybertron.”

“I heard.” Starscream refused to show his concern. “No, I was informed about how he’s doing on Cybertron. It sounds hard to be around him.”

“Then you must also know that he still thinks highly of you,” Ravage insisted. “He doesn’t let anyone badmouth you on Cybertron. Not in front of him, at least without getting angry.”

“So, he can be the only one on the planet to badmouth me, you mean.”

“No, he just misses you, misses being by your side. I know you miss being by his side too.”

That was enough to make Starscream stop painting. He put down his paintbrush, his optics almost glasslike, glinting dangerously at her. “Didn’t seem like it earlier.”

“I wasn’t lying when I said he still calls for you in his recharge. Soundwave regrets what he said to you back then. And I’m sure he already regrets what he said to you earlier. You should try to tell him again that the sparkling is his.”

“Then what? We’d just fight all over again if he knew it was his sparkling and that I lied.”

“Well, you could try to see if he really hates being around you before telling him the truth. You might be surprised, but Soundwave still has a soft spot for humans and organic creatures after being on Earth for so long.”

“What, am I supposed to take him to the zoo then? Go look at some animals.”

“Yes. I think that’s a great idea, actually," Ravage said.

“I don’t think he’d like being told he’s the sire of my sparkling at the zoo of all places. He’d throw me to the wolves. Literally,” Starscream said, annoyed at her suggestion. He then felt his sparkling kick him again as if to challenge their carrier’s own stubbornness and tendency to talk so big but never deliver or speak to their sire properly for once. “Correction. I promise to tell Soundwave the truth after testing to see if he really hates being around me or can’t stand the idea of looking at me. How’s that?”

He felt a wave of relief wash over him when his sparkling started to settle down, the beat of their spark ever so strong and in sync with his, as if returning his words about their sire with synch affection, the lightness of their presence bathing over him. More when he heard Ravage start to nuzzle where his sparkling was located still, she let out a loud purring sound, expressing her own form of happiness in response to Starscream’s words about Soundwave.

The atmosphere around them turned light but silent. And Ravage remained where she had been, but occasionally her optics would lock onto Starscream’s painting. He was painting Cybertron right now, Vos to be specific. Starscream had been starting to miss how it looked and the celebrations that would’ve been going on now. And he wondered if his sparkling would ever get the chance to step foot there too—calculating the odds, flipping the coin in his mind. Ideally that would mean he would have to make contact with someone on Cybertron.

He took a deep, shaky breath after that. If it was Shockwave, Starscream had a decent case, but if it was Soundwave, then he didn’t know how that conversation would go. However, there was still another concern. Starscream was still concerned if his sparkling would look more like him or Soundwave, assuming that they’d been able to make it to the egg stage and were incubated till the hatch stage.

Gender wasn’t a concern. There were certain rules and mechanisms that applied, like the temperature of an egg—the elders would say that if an egg preferred warmer temperatures, it may as well be a femme flight mech. If an egg preferred colder temperatures, then it may as well be a male flight mech. However, determining the sex of an egg wasn’t an exact science because while most eggs may have been temperature dependent, it only suggested the sex. It didn’t guarantee anything.

Though from what Starscream had been told by his creators, he was a strange egg. He clearly liked the cold but would also seek warmth. So, his creators thought maybe there were two flight mechs of either sex inside the egg; it turns out they’d been wrong, and he was just a greedy little hatching (or so they’d always said to him). Feeling tired by that thought, Starscream gave up painting for today. He picked up Ravage, cradling her as he had done earlier while calling Soundwave.

“The sparkling and I are hungry. How about you?”

“I could eat.”

Notes:

I miss thinking there was more to us
You once left marks on my soul
I used to wear them with pride
Now those marks have healed and left scars
I don’t want them anymore
If I had known that was how we part
I would have said more or reached to touch you
That's what haunts me the most

Chapter 6: Prison Blues

Notes:

Soundwave must’ve hacked into my ao3 to post this random update (my bad if any mistakes slipped through)!

Thank you to silly for the idea...this was in the works for a while (maybe Feb-March), love to sparkybot for the feedback too 😭

Also some of the ch interactions were inspired by this from @dailymothanon on tumblr cause I eat up ES stuff like it's candy or something

“Are you planting a tree?” Megatron asks.

“It’s customary for the people of Vos to plant something so it looks over the sparkling,” Starscream said. “There’s no harm in trying to replicate it here on Earth. It’s just meant to be a tree that protects the sparkling as they grow together.”

“I thought there was supposed to be a ceremony?”

Shaking his head, Starscream got off of his knees and stared at the tree sapling or cutting in front of him—an orange tree—Megatron had been coming around lately, and Starscream, like always, tried to ignore him, or, to the best of his ability, try to relax around Megatron. 

He was in the middle of doing something important for him and his sparkling. “The ceremony requires the warmth and touch of both creators to bless the sparkling. It isn't worth doing it if it’s just me. Planting a tree is enough.”

“Have you been well?” Megatron said, his gaze focused on the budding new tree sapling, its leaves and branches swaying with the wind, “I heard Thundercracker and her trine have been visiting you lately. Frenzy as well on her own time with Laserbeak and Buzzsaw.”

Starscream feels his shoulders hitch and the immediate panic that fills his wires when he hears Megatron mention his seekers and Soundwave’s cassettes by name; something akin to dread bubbles and builds from his throat. “Yeah, they have. Ravage too.”

Megatron takes a step back; he’s looking at the garden Starscream has managed to build for himself. “I’ll admit. You’ve done a really good job out here. I see the local wildlife is appreciative as well. I haven’t seen this species of bird in a while.”

“It’s good because I’m in charge of it,” Starscream states. He glances at Megatron and crosses his arms. “But I still don’t understand why you keep coming around to look at it.”

“I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m okay. And I’ll be more okay if you stop showing up.”

Megatron let out a sigh. “Starscream, Optimus told me, you’ve been refusing to show up for your monthly checkups again. It’s important for you and the sparkling. Is something going on?”

Starscream kicks a stone, watching as it rolls off into the grass. Even if something was going on, he didn’t want to tell Megatron. The seeker would’ve rather offlined himself, but then that meant leaving his sparkling all alone, so he forced himself to dismiss that thought and said, “No.”

“Does it have anything to do with the sire of your sparkling?”

“Does it matter?”

Megatron’s optic bridge raises a little, and he tries to open his mouth but closes it. “The sire is Soundwave, isn’t it?” he said, shaking his head a little at Starscream.

“Wow. So, you do pay attention to his affairs,” Starscream responded. He frowned afterwards and flew up and sat atop one of the trees that are nearby from where they stand and landed on a tall branch—a clear division of territory now between them—and maintained as they both overlooked the mountainous and green landscape together. “Are you going to try and reason with him then? Tell him to come and take care of me. Or force him to deal with me again? Because you have a habit of doing that.”

“I do?” Megatron said, shocked.

“Yeah, you do,” Starscream said, annoyed. He put a servo to his midsection to ensure nothing had happened on his way up the tree earlier and looked down at Megatron. It feels safer like this—a clear degree of separation, the ease of escape. “If you’re not trying to beat a confession out of me, you’re sending Soundwave to rein me in or take responsibility for me. Which is also just plain stupid, if you ask me.”

“Ah,” Megatron says. “That’s right, I’ve always been unreasonable with you and made Soundwave in charge of you. But I don’t see why I need to do that right now. I’m not his carrier. He’s a grown mech.”

Starscream’s mouth fell wide open. “You really don’t care that this sparkling is his or that I’m the one in charge of raising it while he’s… Never mind, it's not like I really care what he’s up to right now on Cybertron.”

“I’ve already spoken to Ravage about how Soundwave is doing, and honestly, I care more about you right now. I care how you’re doing, Starscream.” Megatron sits down on the grass, back to the thick tree trunk. He can only feel remorse and penance in response to Starscream’s words and backhanded insistence that Soundwave has never cared for the seeker, not without someone there to make him. “Starscream, if you don’t want to tell Soundwave that the sparkling is his, that’s okay. It’s not like he wants to talk to me either, or would believe me if I told him it was his. I just thought you should stop skipping your appointments. Dot and Optimus were worried something may have happened to you and the sparkling.”

“Whatever,” Starscream said, angrily. “Like I care about you coming around every so often, trying to buddy up to me, trying to apologize , trying to make it up to me. Using Dot and Optimus to guilt-trip me is so like you. I see your little mind game, Megatron! I know what you think, and it won’t work.”

Megatron shook his head but said, “Starscream, do you know about pigeons? Domesticated ones.”

“What, those weird little gray things? Why? What do they have to do with anything?”

“Well, a domesticated pigeon has an average lifespan of around six years, or cycles. They have a homing instinct. So, no matter how long it’s been. They remember where they feel safest and choose to return.”

Starscream frowned. He swung his pedes forward, servos pressed against the branch he was perched on. Megatron sounds like he’s gone off the deep end right now, as if the old war leader is supposed to make sense or wants to say something about him and Soundwave but won’t. But compared to how they used to be, it’s progress. It’s mind-numbing, perhaps even frustrating, but still it’s progress.

“Your point?” he asks. 

Megatron smiles. “I believe that while the door to love is almost never shut, it can’t be the size of a single coop either. It’s easier to find that the familiar is far more charming and even simpler than trying to find the answers in the ashes of an abandoned home. But it is because of this that it has the power to outweigh love and its endless boundaries, the answers it holds, and the servo that has raised it. Love is endless, and it takes a lot to realize the door may always be open. All you had to do was step out first. See the world before deciding enough time has passed. To return.”

“That’s awfully poetic coming from you. Have you been writing?” Starscream said. He’s staring now at the open sky, watching as the birds approach him; gently they hop and stare at him before taking off—they’re free to go as they please, just like him.

“I have been writing poetry, actually,” Megatron said. “I find it relaxing.”

“That’s nice and all, but I don’t see why you’re telling me all of this.”

“I’m telling you all of this, Starscream. Because I want you to know that whatever has happened between you and Soundwave. That it’ll be okay. That I want you to be happy with or without Soundwave by your side in the end.”

“You just want Soundwave to be happy. Not me,” Starscream insisted, “I find it hard to believe you would want me to be happy after everything I’ve done. After everything I have done for the Decepticons.”

Megatron reached to touch one of his knees. “I know.”

“I was loyal to you!” Starscream exclaimed. “Everyone was, but surprise, surprise. It wasn’t enough because you still left. You turned your back on us. Multiple times. You know you used to tell me, ‘Loyalty means to act a certain way, to go above and beyond one’s self!’ But let me ask you this, Megatron. Did that equal fulfillment for you? And if so, was it necessary to earn it out of fear? Because it wasn’t just me, it was everyone.”

“No, it wasn’t necessary. Nor did it equal fulfillment for me,” Megatron said. He kept his gaze forward, focused on the passing flocks of birds that flew by them, the sound of shaking trees in the distance, the wind picking up today. “And I used to believe that was the only way to lead, to lead. I realize now how flawed that thinking was, Starscream.”

“You can leave then since you realize how ‘flawed’ you are. Since you managed to scrape together whatever hack-saw attempt at poetry that was, whatever you wanted to tell me. Seriously, who are you to tell me ‘I want you to be happy’ when you’re one of the reasons why I can’t even begin to believe in happiness!?” Starscream said through gritted teeth and tears. He heard his fans click on and his wings flutter but refused to stop. “When you’re the reason I’m like this in the first place! A broken, battered piece of damaged metal who only knows how to drive everyone away! Because of what you taught me. You taught me that I was damaged, that I was always meant to be alone in the end!”

Megatron stood up and looked up at Starscream from where he was standing. “You’re not damaged. You’re not meant to be alone either. You’ve been hurt and forced to accept things that shouldn’t have happened to you, Starscream. And I’m sorry for making you believe that.”

“No.”

“What?”

“I wasn’t ‘hurt or forced to accept things,’ Megatron. I deserved to be punished, bent to your will, become the mech no one could ever trust again. I accept that that is who I have become and will always be seen as, but you know what I can’t accept? That everything I've ever received from you was for nothing!” Starscream said. He looked down at his shaking servos and clenched them. “Absolutely nothing! Everything I ever did or said while serving as your second in command became worthless. And it became worthless the moment you changed sides, Megatron. The moment you wanted to be a pacifist. The moment you walked away from the Decepticons. Because you want to pretend! Pretend everything you were always the one who was supposed to be celebrated and awarded in the end. The guy who changed sides for the betterment of himself, better than those he used to fight with because he had a change of spark.”

“You’re right, Starscream. I was trying to pretend. In the beginning I really was,” Megatron said and sat back down. He took a deep breath. ”I wanted to pretend that I wasn't stubborn, that I didn’t have a temper. That I didn't use violence and fear against you and everyone else. That I didn’t care what would happen to this planet in the end. But it is with that I recognize… that I must also pay for my past actions. And maybe some of that includes apologizing. Apologizing for how I navigated our relationship, the fear I installed into you. I’ve torn you apart. I’ve left you for dead. I’ve degraded you. I’ve done nothing but the worst because there was a time that I believed you deserved it. I believed there was no other way to rein in your hot-headed attitude about war or where you could’ve improved. And that will always and forever be my burden to bear, to feel regret over because it was never your burden to bear my anger.”

“You were the leader, and I was your second in command. I acted out, and you handled it. I deserved it, didn’t I?” Starscream said. “I’ve done so many ploys to take over the Decepticons, and yet you always let me stay by you. If you asked anyone what they thought of me, they’d say you did what was necessary to keep me in line. Did I like it? No. Did I agree with it? No, I resented you. I wanted you dead. Maybe I still do, but what’s the point if…it was all for nothing in the end!”

His metal felt clammy; everything felt so abrupt right now, as his spark tried to settle and his fans continued to run their course. Starscream felt it was as if all of the previous dents, cuts, and scratches were returning to his frame again. Yet he couldn’t help but admit how cathartic it felt to tell Megatron everything. How his betrayal had hurt him, how it’d hurt, but also that while it had made sense to him, it also didn’t. He didn’t understand why Megatron had changed the way he did. Left them.

“It wasn’t for nothing, and you’re wrong about being the mech no one will ever trust again or that it was necessary to keep you in line,” Megatron insisted, firmly. “It was never necessary, Starscream. I failed to address why you lost faith in me to lead us. Nothing will excuse what either of us has done to each other, but it never meant that you deserved it.”

“Bullshit. You get to say that because you weren’t in my position—during the war, after the war. You weren’t promised a better Cybertron by someone who wrote and argued for all mechs to have the right to vote, the right to choose if they had sparklings, and the right to marry who they want. You weren’t promised a new government, the demolition of the system that so many of my brothers in arms were caged and tortured by back home! What—Soundwave was tortured by and born into! Do you know how much pain he was in when you left! The betrayal he felt, how he tore into himself because you left—how much it hurt to watch as someone who— loves him? Do you know what that’s like?”

Megatron shut his optics when he heard Starscream mention his past, what he used to stand for, but had forgotten in the end. Lost was what he stood for, drowned in the cries and sorrows of his enemies, his soldiers. So far from what they were supposed to be fighting for. But what hurt most of all was imagining how much his sudden betrayal must have wounded Soundwave, the mech he had taken under his wing and taught how to survive at a young age, long before the idea of starting a war had taken root in his mind.

The anger that would rise when he saw the elites of Kaon belittle and bully Soundwave for being unable to understand their words and their customs and his refusal to harm even a single cyber cat that’d been sneaking around the arena trying to steal scraps to survive. But the worst of it all was watching Soundwave being separated from his carrier at such a young age—the tenderness of a mother and child—no longer allowed to meet or hold. 

How it wasn’t until he met Dot that he was able to remember why he wanted to fight in the first place, reaching out to hold the troubled as if that could erase the pain of his actions, that his future was waiting for him, remembering faces, names, and dates. History was waiting for him as if sculpted by no one else but him, each piece of it carrying their own wounds, all of it burning at Megatron’s spark as they continued to stare at him among the blue flower beds that represented his sins.

“I’m sorry. I really am Starscream,” Megatron said softly. He opened his optics. A servo now pressed on the trunk of the tree, and his gaze met Starscream's. The seeker stared at him, examining him with precise, intense eyes, lingering over the remorse that flooded his face. “In the end all I wanted was for the war to end. It'd gone on for too long.”

Starscream started to shout. “So, leaving and fighting against us with your new friend s —your team was your answer? You abandoned us—because you felt ashamed of what we had become under your leadership, your guidance!?”

“Yes. I failed the faith you, Soundwave, and Shockwave had in me to lead Cybertron to a better future. I failed the Decepticons. I failed to free Cybertron like promised. I failed to be the leader you all deserved.” 

“Crankshaft. Something else had to have made you change because I refuse to believe that you actually had a genuine change of heart. You didn’t care before. He never cared!”

“And he was wrong!” Megatron yelled and froze. He tried to lower his voice, make himself less intimidating. “He was wrong, Starscream—I was wrong. I should’ve cared. I should’ve fought to make you guys understand why the war needed to stop, but I ran to join the Autobots. I regret it. I really do. I regret how I handled everything. And it’s on me to live with that, my penance for forgetting what caused me to spark the revolution on Cybertron. What caused me to cause the uprising? I lost myself and wanted to find it again, but at the same time, I was scared of what I had caused, so I ran away. I guess I believed that if I did that, if I tried to stop you guys as an ‘Autobot,’ then maybe, just maybe, I could erase everything I’ve done by defeating you and everyone else as one.”

“Did it?” Starscream asked quietly. “Did it erase everything you’ve done? Did it make you feel good to round us up like cattle and ship us off to G.H.O.S.T while you got to play buddy with Optimus and his soldiers? Be best friends with Dot? Be around her and everyone else so you can forget your dark history? Forget the energon shed? What you have shed? Was wearing the Autobot mark enough to make you feel good? Have they treated you like you were the monster who could change, but we were and would always be the monsters that can’t!?”

“No,” Megatron said and shook his head. “If anything. It only made me feel worse in the end… I didn’t know G.H.O.S.T was doing all of that to you guys. I never intended to have anyone be treated as a monster or for myself to ever be forgiven.” 

“And if you had known what was going on behind the scenes, would it have even made a difference?”

“I don’t know, Starscream. I don’t know. I like to think it would’ve.”

“Well, I’ll tell you what I do know. It wouldn’t have. No one out there cared enough to look for me, so why would you have cared? You taught us to survive even if it meant abandoning others.”

Megatron hesitated for a moment. “Soundwave didn’t look for you?”

At that, Starscream started to laugh. “No. Why would he have? The only reason we ever saw each other again after the war was because he got captured by G.H.O.S.T.”

“Because he cares for you.”

“No—Soundwave has only ever bothered to care for me because of you! Do you know how horrible that makes me feel!” Starscream said. He almost fell off of the branch he was sitting on, servos in the air, waving frantically as if he wanted to grab or tear something in two. “To know that he probably has only ever tried to love me out of loyalty to you, to the cause—!”

“Soundwave chose to love you because he could and wanted to,” Megatron said sternly. He then noticed something in the distance over where a lake was—a pair of swans. They danced and swam next to each other; it looked like the shape of a heart—and sighed. “Not because I ordered him to, not because he thought it would help me maintain leadership, or keep you in line. And if the two of you were able to maintain a relationship after I left… doesn’t that say something about him? About you?”

Starscream closed his optics and tried to take a few deep breaths. He felt a sharp kick after that; it came from his midsection. Slowly the seeker rubbed a servo over the affected area. He’s not sure how or why his sparkling has decided, out of all moments, to make their presence known to him. Why now? So, he glares at his sparkling and then at Megatron down below. “Next you’re going to tell me Thundercracker is Soundwave’s sparkling and mine’s or something.”

Megatron laughed. “She does look like it… the sonic booms too.”

Starscream snorted and argued. “Personality doesn’t fit. Thundercracker is too happy and full of nothing but nitrogen.”

“Soundwave can be strange. Maybe she got it from him.”

“This sparkling better not get it from him again then if that’s how Thundercracker turned out all on her own, so Primus help me.”

Starscream felt bitter when he said that, but the reality was he always wondered if Thundercracker was his and Soundwave’s sparkling sometimes. But then again, the idea of her being theirs could only be entertained by Starscream because he and Soundwave had gotten together by pure chance, long before the war, before either became a freedom fighter under Megatron, sharing the same faction marker. It didn’t surprise him when Soundwave acted as if they’d never hooked up or shared a data transfer after that. Maybe he forgot. But at least it meant Starscream knew what Soundwave liked in the berth and how to get the ex-communications officer into his berth again, or try (and had been semi-successful up to a certain point).

Soundwave had always been rather dismissive of their relationship and preferred to keep things physical by the time they’d confirmed there was at least some form of potential between them, but it’d never stopped him from wanting more, teetering the line between a kept seeker and a free seeker. Eventually, though, he couldn’t stop himself from considering the rumors that surrounded the two of them and Thundercracker. Simple chatter among the lower ranks suggested she must have been their secret sparkling, but it was always dismissed because Starscream knew where the blue seeker was from, and it was common for that frame type to be found in Vos. However, the thought of her being theirs used to cross his mind whenever he caught Soundwave being parental to Thundercracker for no reason; she was their shared soft spot.

Starscream couldn’t say why, but he always thought it was cute and felt right to see. He’d have thought it was possible for Thundercracker to actually be their sparkling if not for Soundwave being unable to be a carrier, or that he couldn’t carry a sparkling to full term—he doubted it really. Soundwave never expressed an opinion or comment on if Thundercracker could’ve been his sparkling.

After a few moments of pondering, Starscream resumed his intense scrutiny of Megatron, optics trained on the other’s frame, waiting for something to happen, waiting to see what was going to happen next. Megatron’s breathing was deep, but it wasn’t as if he was lost in thought or awake. 

He was now still as a rock, back slumped into the trunk, open-palmed servos on the grass. They stayed like that for what felt like jours. The silence would’ve gone stagnant if not for Starscream moving, but only to climb higher up the tree, settling down on another branch, somewhere Megatron couldn’t find him if he tried to—the seeker wanted to gain the upper hand right now—and felt successful in the end.

Though with the feeling of success and their earlier conversation, Starscream started to remember something again.

“It’ll be okay,” Shockwave had said. He put a servo on top of Soundwave’s helmet and tried to rub it, but the action came off sillier than anything when Starscream noticed what was happening and tried to join in by leaning his helmet against Soundwave’s shoulder.

“Cheer up, who needs him anyway?” Starscream said later, joining in on the conversation. He even took out a cloth for Soundwave to take and wipe his running mascara. “Seriously, that old piece of tetanus made his choice. We’ll get back to him in due time.”

Starscream, after that, sighed when it was clear the blue mech in front of him would rather not listen and instead started to stir at the half-melted tub of ice cream in his lap after pushing away the offered tissue. The tub was wet with condensation and had already started to crease or fold inward in on itself, and Soundwave’s current state was similar.

Both are reminiscent of the current state of the Decepticons since Megatron had changed sides and they found themselves stuck on Earth for the time being. Both were not able to serve their initial purpose and instead were left to rot or, rather, sit doing nothing. Both are a soggy, uncontrollable mess.

“Megatron wouldn’t betray,” Soundwave said, hiccupping. He turned to look at Starscream and then at Shockwave before returning to his ice cream and let out another quiet sentence. “What made him change his mind? Did Soundwave do something wrong!?”

“It’s Megatron,” Starscream insisted to him. “What haven’t we done?” He smirked after, watching how Soundwave started to blush at his suggestive words, but ignored it, instead preferring to motion at Shockwave to continue the conversation.

“It’s more logical to believe he simply had a change of ethics and morals,” Shockwave added, catching Starscream’s hint. “It has nothing to do with you or us, Soundwave. Megatron is an Autobot now. He made that very clear in our last battle.”

“But—“ Soundwave tried to say when Starscream stood up and stole his seated companion's sad tub of ice cream, holding it above him as if it were his newly acquired prisoner.

“No buts,” Starscream said, “though, honestly, you should stop trying to eat this. It's half melted, like you.” His comment was mostly directed in response to the state of his third-in-command’s face, but there was little bite behind it when he bent forward at the corner of Soundwave’s optics with his thumb and smiled at him before leaving and added a bout of reassurance. “Don’t worry, we’ll grind Megatron into dust for you soon.”

“Ice cream…” Soundwave said, softly. He’d said it long after Starscream had left and blinked through his running mascara, barely able to make out the blob-shaped dot of yellow that was squinting back at him as he started to tear up again and sob. “…Why did Starscream have to take Soundwave’s ice cream?!”

“He’s right, you should stop trying to eat it,” Shockwave said and shook his head. “It was a lost cause, my friend.”

“Soundwave was going to finish it,” he huffed in response, reaching for the ignored piece of tissue paper Starscream had offered earlier so he could tear at it out of anger, imagining that it was the seeker’s stupid face for a little before giving up and sinking deeper into the plush material behind him and repeating, “Soundwave was going to finish it.”

Shockwave crossed his arms and leaned back into the couch to look at where Starscream had just been sitting. “You said that nine jours ago, Soundwave.”

“Soundwave likes when it’s melted.”

“That was beyond melted. And don’t you usually reach for some kind of sorbet? Not ice cream?”

Soundwave looked to the side with a frown and said, “Decepticons ran out of the lemon sorbet he likes.”

Who even eats chocolate ice cream when they’re upset? Strawberry is more appropriate, Starscream thought. He even watched as the tub of now-fully-melted chocolate ice cream entered the trash can until it slid down so far he couldn’t see it anymore, and there was a glimpse of something else mixed into it.

Starscream then went to wash his servos before heading off into his lab to go and look for something he had been saving for later. This morning, he had heard the news from Skywarp and Nova Storm that Megatron had betrayed them; initially, he had thought the two seekers were playing a prank on him. A rather bad one too. But when it wasn’t, and Starscream had been told the same news by Soundwave and Shockwave, his fury had become oddly obtuse and filled with another urge. He was well aware of what it was, of the muttering voice in his spark that still whispered about his history with Megatron, wondering if anything had led up to this specific moment, trying to recount the past.

“What a pain,” he said after arriving in front of his secret stash of frozen sweets in his section of the lab and starting to search through it, acting as if everything was nothing more than a small inconvenience for him in his world. 

Only because everything so far for the Decepticons was a structural mess internally, and Soundwave was trying to eat his feelings instead of helping Starscream and Shockwave make plans to kick Megatron’s sorry aft. It was also hard to watch the other sit there with tears in his optics and not even eat what he had taken out in the first place.

Starscream’s servos lingered for a while before realizing that he had already found what he had been looking for and brought it to his face. There was a condescending curiosity that seemed to fill his gaze and made it seem that whatever he had found was important, maybe fate. It made him wonder if Soundwave would feel better. It made him forget why he was really doing this. It made him question if this really was the right thing and if he should stop now, but like any good superior, he relented and continued on with his plan.

“He should have just asked if I had any lemon sorbet left,” Starscream said, huffing. 

But as it turns out, maybe he had been right to question if this really was the right thing to do, and he should have stopped before it was too late. Starscream’s first impulse was to turn around and to toss the lemon sorbet in his servos into the trash while he stood there hidden and stunned for another nano click, suddenly feeling very suffocated.

Soundwave is sitting next to Shockwave, his cheek resting on the other’s shoulder. They were talking about something, probably Megatron, but to Starscream the topic didn’t matter much at this point. Because he had almost never got to see Soundwave like that, maybe only a few times. Maybe whenever they kissed or were on a mission together, but never did he think that he would have to stomach the sight of it right now— it was something rare but special and something Starscream had always categorized as his right to see.

Of course, he had always understood how ridiculous it was to believe that, and when he understood that the nature of their relationship was inevitable, it was never meant to be serious, really, but now Starscream was truly eating his words—all over again. And it happened when he thought about cheering up Soundwave at that moment.

Soundwave looked happier, and his makeup had already been wiped away. His optics are curved, and the laugh he lets out is genuine; each sentence he speaks is almost like a secret language to Shockwave, who nodded. Starscream didn't know if that move was calculated or just how Soundwave was to those he cared for, but the voice in his spark cried for it to be the first. Even if it knew it was the latter and never the former. It wasn’t his right to ask for Soundwave’s sole affection or his attention. But when no one’s looking, he swears it is or wishes it was.

The smell of citrus turned rotten under Starscream’s nose, and a burst of pain fills his spark when he touches the metal spoon with his digits. He’s tempted to speak his mind, toss the yellow blob of frozen dessert at them, and leave without a word. But the claws of his canines dig into his glossa, bitterly attempting to hold back whatever threatened to slip from his mouth, and he swallows it down. Like bad oil, it stains his senses and leaves him feeling transparent as a piece of silken tulle and fragile as a peony— always knocked down by the inevitable downpour of spring, showing just how brittle and easy it is to bend and break when disturbed by something natural.

He can’t explain why, but he left without making a scene, nor did he toss the lemon sorbet into the trash can for disposal either. He can’t bring himself to. He couldn’t. Because while even staring at the dim shapes of what’s supposed to be a ‘lemon’ sitting, it seeps into the farthest edges of his spark like someone was pouring its juice into his wounds. And another invisible circle feels as if it is drawn around Starscream as he distances himself from the sight of Soundwave and Shockwave's moment of friendship or kinship. 

It feels bitter like the skin of an orange, but something in him wasn’t willing to interrupt them. To destroy whatever sense of peace Soundwave and Shockwave had developed and nurtured on their own time, and they’re the only ones who understand it. Starscream has seen it before and even experienced it once. But the lemon sorbet in his servos felt so useless. It should have been left behind like the rest of Starscream’s spark when he first confessed his feelings to Soundwave under the influence of a strange type of pollen they’d fallen under once and interacted with because of it.

The end results? 

Aching, naked hope and waiting for the passing of his contained feelings to eventually glide through the sky before they are forced to fade into nothing. Even as a long-forgotten memory, it still stings as if fresh and new, like laundry hanging in the wind to dry.

“So, that’s where you’ve been hiding, Ravage?” Starscream had asked, translating his words into something more comprehensible for the cyber-cat to understand and converse with him in. He crouched down to look at the two blinking optics from under his desk. They’re almost comical with how they look, but Ravage doesn’t respond. Instead, she poked her head out and nuzzled his servo. “Shouldn’t you be comforting Soundwave? Bad kitty,” he teased her.

“Isn’t that your job?” Ravage said softly. Her voice is strained; it’s clear that Megatron’s betrayal had also taken its toll on her spark, and Starscream can only reach out to her.

“No. That’s Shockwave’s job,” he said and set the still cold lemon sorbet and metal spoon he had been holding down onto his desk before heading off to go and get something. By the time Starscream comes back with a wine glass in hand and a food bowl in the other, Ravage is staring at him rather expectantly, and he snorts, “I knew there was a reason. You were hiding in my lab instead of being around Soundwave.”

Starscream sits down and pours her something to drink after, watching with wonder how Ravage happily leaps forward to lap at Starscream’s offering of special high-grade energon and proceeds to stick her faceplate into it, tail happily curved into a question mark; it shakes with excitement. 

“If only Soundwave was as easy to cheer up...” he comments. Starscream stared off into the distance, the words rolling off his glossa so easily, but the pain of how it’d felt to say them lingers.

After a while, he starts to feel the buzz of the high-grade running through his system, and he lets out a sigh. The initial ache in his spark and feelings of unease that had filled his mind have been washed and rinsed by the taste of it. But beyond his line of sight, the lemon sorbet still mocks him occasionally, shining and glimmering, tart and sweet.

"What’s so good about this thing anyway?" Starscream said, but still reached out to try some, yet the only thing he could think of to describe the taste was: bitter.  

It was bitter, sour, and sweet, and it somehow reminded him of Soundwave; Starscream pushed the rest of the sorbet down with a roughness he knew was the only real thing he knew but didn’t want.

For something Soundwave had once almost fought his cassettes out of childish pettiness and intense interest, it tastes bitter to Starscream. He’s seen Soundwave smile when eating it; he smiled with his whole frame whenever they managed to find any to steal or take back to their base on Earth after learning that it was compatible with their frames and mechanisms if tweaked enough. 

But how does one drop of tart bitterness ruin so much sweetness? It tasted bitter; it tasted bitter when combined with the amount of high-grade energon he drank earlier, the fresh stain of coolant that ran down his cheeks, and the burning yet empathetic nuzzle of affection he felt from Ravage.

I hope Soundwave feels better, he thought to himself, swirling the melted slush of sorbet that was still left in front of him— waiting to be eaten or at least looked at if not now then soon, in the sway of his servo.

Starscream can’t help but touch his chamber right now. He’s still haunted by the time he got confident enough to ask something stupid, or rather the idea that someone like Soundwave could have ever fallen in love with him and the impending silence that followed after. Long before they fought and broke up. But despite how long ago it’s been or how it’d happened long before they even arrived on Earth. The idea of both events occurring so far apart from each other, or rather the memory of either event, is rather jarring. 

It’s almost like trying to put something back together, but not everything is there. Something is still missing despite the gradual distance between them closing every so often—to the point it’s as if they can pretend nothing had happened. That in the long view, it doesn’t matter what had or had not happened, but it’s the playback of everything that sears itself into his spark the most in moments like this and is what leaves him so overwhelmed by loss, or rather, what he had wished had happened instead.

Starscream can’t help but think of his relationship with Soundwave like a stopped frame or a sketch on his canvas when he looks back. All the pauses, all the quiet acceptances, all the things left unsaid—an endless but violent compression of want, but it was all meaningless in the face of what’s in front of him right now. How he holds a piece of invisible chalk in between his servos, watching as the pretend distance between him and Soundwave starts to finalize— everything has come to its end, it’s triumph by now. 

The once timeless sensation of biting at Soundwave’s lips softly and continually as the firefly’s glow around them. A servo is around his waist, a kiss is pressed to his forehead, and a murmur of praise fills his audials. The once timeless sense of being loved—a now passing dream, gone in the blink of an optic, at the end of the line. It’s not his to claim or his to ask for, maybe it never was, but it’s all he’s grown to know and want now.

Because after everything they’ve been through, maybe he still wanted to believe there was still meaning behind that strange relationship of theirs. That even if he was old enough to know better, maybe anything worth doing was worth doing badly. That no matter how long it takes, he’ll find his answer, and even if it has already been answered, he still wants to wait for a new one. At least until Soundwave found his own answer and answered what they were supposed to be when everything was over.

That had always been his last thread of hope.

But now that he’s sparked and they’ve been unable to properly speak about it. Starscream wonders if there is still something for him to look for or unfold when it comes to his love for Soundwave and his sparkling, if there was somewhere to start after he told Soundwave the truth, when there was little to salvage. Starscream had always known that, but the knowledge that there was no other outcome still twisted the words into frays of string before burning them away.

After all, someone who has only been taught or shown how to ‘love’ could have understood the meaning of ‘love,’ and it was something neither of them could have pictured; a brittle yet meaningful weakness. Because they were made of little sacrifices, complaining about whatever had gone wrong that day or who had pissed them off earlier, wordlessly sharing a dance, and wordlessly ending it with a simple kiss— the last of it now spent and discarded on that strange little planet—before giving it all up. It almost killed him to acknowledge it was true. But he had already come to terms with and realized how hard it must have been for Soundwave to love him and still was. And it’s hard to miss it.

To his surprise, the sparkling kicks him, and there are a few little beeps. Without hesitation Starscream laughs as if his sparkling had said something funny to him, but that’d have been impossible; it was too soon—the beep meant nothing in reality right now, yet it was as if his child had answered him in a way. Their own way.

“Are you sure?” Starscream said. He meant it more as a joke, but then he felt a few more kicks to his side. He even felt the sudden need to eat something lemon-flavored right now—a lemon sorbet, but where to even find one? He shook his head at first and stared off into the distance for a little, but the kicking refused to subside. “Okay, okay. Give your care a second to get down.”

Starscream looked down at Megatron, who was still breathing rather deeply, in recharge as if he felt safe right now with the seeker around, above him. Starscream landed in front of him, his forearm raised, blaster pointed at his old leader. It’d be easy. But when Starscream thought of what Megatron had said to him early, how he had been acting these past almost fleeting months, how he had defended him and tried to talk to him multiple times or at least appear before him. He wonders how genuine it all is, how genuine either of them is in the end.

When Starscream thinks of his sparkling, he thinks of the day they will have to decide whether or not he or Soundwave is a saint or a demon. That they will have to decide on their own if they want to know or even love them. That in the end their sparkling may not seek love from and look for them. That there may always be a fabricated story in the end to their sparkling, the people who they’ve met and touched, the origin story of all the myths and nightmares of others during the war, but also the ones who are supposed to guide and believe in them to their best self. 

And when Starscream thinks of Megatron, he thinks of the day he believed that his leader would show him what true glory was. Not what a true nightmare was. That fear was the only way to lead. How fear was supposed to leave scars, how it bites. How if you leave a fist closed long enough, they will follow but also scheme to end your life down the line. 

The memorial his previous leader had showed Starscream before and explained the meaning behind all of it. But one thing he’ll never forget is how others now see this dreaded person of the past in such a positive light now, the dreaded person who attempts to atone and tend to the past as if it could be mended. As if the cracks could not just be filled in to soothe the pain, but be filled and left as a reminder, not a badge of honor, but a reminder of what happened.

So many were gone, and Megatron was still around, but so was Starscream.

And in that same breath of thought, Starscream put away his blaster and kicked his old leader; he kicked Megatron’s old and scuffed ankle—it’s light enough to wake him but not enough to harm him—as if it’s all the seekers ever wanted to get away with or do in the end.

In the back of Starscream’s mind, he thought of Hashtag and Twitch again and how excited they’d been to learn that he was carrying a sparkling or child, as Dot had said to him, on top of her congratulations. How excited his seekers were to know their family was going to grow. How happy he felt in the end.

“Were you happy when Optimus told you?” Starscream asked Megatron. He narrowed his optics out of habit and crossed his arms. “Happy he was … sparked after cycles of believing that neither of you were supposed to have children?”

“Of course, I was.” Megatron said, smiling. Then his expression changed as if he realized something. “Are you going to tell Soundwave?”

“Well, I tried to tell him a while ago, but that idiot made me mad before I could, so I didn’t.”

Megatron chuckled and put his servo on Starscream’s shoulder plate. He touched it gently enough so that if the seeker desired, it could’ve been moved without hesitation. “…Ah. You’re right. He can be an idiot sometimes. But I know you two will figure it out sooner or later.”

“You sound so sure,” Starscream said, with a huff. He brushed off Megatron’s servo like it were a mere feather, weightless to him. “Do you even know if he’d want a sparkling? Let alone one with me.”

“That’s for Soundwave to answer,” Megatron said. “But I think he’d be happy to learn he has a new addition to his family. Say, do you want to come over for dinner? The base is nearby. We could even fly there together. Like old times.” 

“With your speed? You’ll be left eating my dust!”

⊹₊⟡⋆

Starscream sat in the middle of his nest, full of exhaustion after being forced to make up all of the appointments he had missed—the ones to check on if he was eating, recharging enough, and doing well. If his sparkling was doing okay. However, now that the seeker was able to return to his house, his nest, where he felt safest and comforted. He stared at the lemon sorbet in his servos; it took him a bit of courage to ask Megatron and Optimus after getting checked over by Wheeljack if they knew where to get something sour, particularly a lemon sorbet. Lucky for him, they understood his needs and had managed to find him something. However, that didn’t stop Starscream from feeling worried about how a lemon sorbet would taste to him right now, or if there was a reason his sparkling had wanted to try some.

What a brat you are, he thought, thinking of how his sparkling had wanted to try eating some so suddenly and made him try eating some so suddenly; it filled him with unease as he started to eat away at the sorbet.

Suddenly feeling confused that something was off, Starscream stopped eating and looked at the lemon sorbet in his servos some more. The cold, icy substance stares back at him as if offended by his mere expression of loss. Admittedly, maybe the taste is all he wants right now, the sour and tingly taste of each note, the sweet pleasure he takes in each bite, but also the satisfaction that his sparkling feels happy right now. 

He cherishes it, cherishes that he no longer has to worry about his next meal or future craving. He’s not dead; it’s not too late. It tasted sweet to him. It tasted sweet enough that he almost wanted to have some more of it.

And then he thought of what Megatron had told him. What Megatron had told him about doors and pigeons. How they still could choose to return in the end. Starscream felt homesick all over again for Cybertron. 

There were so many empty spaces for others to stay in in the qualms of his spark, but it’s only a glimpse of what he once experienced because not many dared to be a permanent resident, nor did he let many enter or escape. Yet all but one had managed to enter and escape with his permission; they’d managed to leave with the door wide open. 

And if they were set to never return one day, Starscream wasn’t surprised. If Soundwave never returned one day, he had already accepted what could only be described as the inevitable, but it was also something he hoped would be proven wrong. Maybe he still wanted to believe in Megatron’s tall tales all over again.

Notes:

Just now, I asked myself, how are you?
But I know you won’t answer or care to
Which is why I stand there while you smile and pretend I’m a stranger again
There you were smiling but not at me
So be it
Let’s part

Chapter 7: Hidden in Plain Sight

Notes:

I felt like letting this chapter free out of pure whimsy because I could do that, so apologies for any possible mistakes (also CW for some self-harm in this chapter in the beginning)

also this was the inspo for some of the sdw stuff and will be a recurring theme for my version of SDW in this series in case anyone is like me and likes knowing what I think of when writing SDW (aka how pretty he looks) 😌

“Can we go to the zoo?” Frenzy asked. She was sitting on Soundwave’s shoulder. It was probably one of her more treasured spots to sit and rest at—the tape deck had always been her favorite, but lately she had found it harder and harder to return there. Not without Rumble. Soundwave was in the middle of reading something while some music played in the background; it helped to fill out the silence. 

“Zoo?” Soundwave said, confused. He looked down at Frenzy. “Where?”

“Earth.”

“Why?”

“Starscream, Thundercracker, and her trine said they had extra tickets if we’re interested. Megatron said, We can visit Earth too. No one will come after us.”

Soundwave grew interested, but in the same breath, he felt a little anxious. Since his return to Cybertron, it had been difficult for him to let his cassettes out of his optical field or vision. Not since he lost Rumble. There was still a fresh pang in Soundwave’s spark whenever he thought of the other rocker, more when he saw how lonely Frenzy often looked whenever the anniversary of her sister’s death rolled around. 

Their home, though still full, was missing someone—there was now a chair that’d been rather empty. A slot in his tape deck that could never be filled again. A name that hadn’t been said out loud in so long, only the words “she” and “her” were uttered instead. It’d take him a long time to accept what had happened and keep the majority of his emotions in check, to stay strong for the rest of his family. Let alone to find the strength to say her name again because then all it’d have done was remind him of what had happened and how powerless he felt in the end.

Ravage insisted it wasn’t his fault. Starscream could only take his servo and hold him—no words had been needed as if Soundwave could have said any. He already sounded like a broken record on the day that the seeker found him. His mask clawed beyond belief as he repeated the words: “I’m sorry, my little one. I’m sorry, my little one. I’m sorry, my little one.”

Starscream, instead of sneering at him or insisting that there would be hell to pay for what had happened to Rumble, the seeker said nothing. He sat down in front of him and just stared. Starscream stared at him as if they still shared a commodity of grief and love for Rumble. 

“Fool,” Starscream said, eventually. His words breached just the surface of the walls that had erupted as if he understood what Soundwave had been feeling in that moment. The profuse apologies, the guilt, the wave of emotions. How it all came crashing down. Everything. “She would be upset if you continued to blame yourself for what happened.” 

Soundwave could hardly muster the energy to argue or yell at Starscream. His mind was too full of noise, and his mouth felt dry. All he could see in that moment was Rumble trapped in her alt mode and broken beyond repair. She lay there in his servos, the connection between them forever severed. And the words, “My fault. Your fault. Soundwave’s fault ”—playing on repeat for him. It continued to ring throughout his audials, the chanting of his own inner monologue, combined with the trillions upon trillions of thoughts that could be heard from others, but also his own thoughts too. 

Soundwave could do nothing but claw into his mask again as if to punish himself for being so selfish, for letting his desire for revenge outweigh his cassette's safety. They were—she was—supposed to be safe under his care. As he dug into the mask for what felt like the thousandth time, the screeching sound of metal echoed throughout the room, Starscream watched him. His expression was aghast, mouth wide open, servos and wings raised. 

All while Soundwave felt lost in what could only have been described as a reverie-driven nightmare with Starscream standing in front of him, hesitant to say something, let alone reach for him, unsure what to do. Until Soundwave felt a cold servo touch him, slowly it breached the surface of his knuckles, and it tugged lightly on them as if asking for permission to remove them from his mask so he couldn’t claw at it anymore, and he let it. He let the seeker take his servos and press their palms together.

“It’s not your fault,” Starscream said, angrily. “It’s not your fault.”

“How does Starscream know that?” Soundwave said quietly. He sounded like a broken record. “Rumble is gone because of Soundwave. Rumble must be disappointed. Soundwave wants the pain to be over.”

“Because like her. Because I care about you. Because I hate to see you do this to yourself, and I wouldn’t be able to work without you by my side. You’re a part of what makes the Decepticons the Decepticons. And who else am I going to look for to help me as my second in command when I defeat Megatron? So, please stop hurting yourself.” 

“Soundwave is your second in command when Megatron is defeated?”

“All I’m saying is if Rumble were still here, she’d be telling you to stop hurting yourself and that you need to stick around to figure out what we’re going to do about… Whatever the frag we’re dealing with right now on Earth.”

Soundwave stared at him but refused to say or do anything. He then saw Starscream reach over to touch him. He touched his waist and pulled him forward. With strong uncertainty, Soundwave, perhaps still filled with grief, responded by propping his chin onto Starscream’s shoulder.

“There’s a saying in Vos I like to think about sometimes…” Starscream said softly. “Where there is loss, there must also be another star in the sky to watch over you.”

And when he had said that Soundwave had asked himself something, or had asked himself if Starscream was being sincere that day in his time of need, if the seeker truly believed Rumble had become a star now, and if he should too. 

Maybe it wasn’t until Soundwave by chance had walked in on Starscream and Frenzy, the two of them were outside atop the base, and the seeker was holding the little rocker in his arms—focused on the stars. But what had surprised Soundwave the most was the smile on Frenzy’s faceplate. She hadn’t smiled like that in forever—not since Rumble.

“Can we go?” Frenzy said. Her words break Soundwave’s train of thought. She looked at him and smiled. They had pulled up the zoo’s website. There were a multitude of open tabs in front of them now—all showing the different kinds of exhibits and events that were going on there. 

“Right now?” Soundwave said. 

“Yeah. They said to meet them in like an Earth hour or so, Boss!”

“Oh.”

Soundwave frowned underneath his mask, still embarrassed by how he and Starscream had ended their last conversation. What’s more, it's only been a few cycles or weeks in Earth time since then. Starscream never tried to contact him again. Soundwave took that as a sign and did the same, but when looked at through the depth of their relationship and past closeness, it had been rather unnecessary—more childish.

And for all Soundwave knew, Starscream probably had very few mechs to share his good news with; maybe he had been excited to tell him. Guilt washed over him. Maybe because he still missed the seeker, albeit quietly. He missed him when he got out of recharge. As he listened to the radio and watched a movie, he missed Starscream without words, as he did with Rumble—in moments, in thoughts—but he didn’t dare or want to imagine why.

Because he misses them. He even misses the way Rumble would hum a little—the way she does when she is feeling smug about something or has done something behind his back. He even misses the way Starscream would come to his immediate defense when Rumble died and Megatron left—the way he would tell him how unreasonable he must be now that they’re gone; crying in his recharge, refusing to eat, refusing to listen to others or speak certain names, all the anger, all the binging. 

Because Cybertron and Earth keep spinning, the sun and moon keep passing by, but the days where he misses the both of them never left— Soundwave missed Starscream and Rumble quietly. He still sits there and thinks of it in his silence.

Maybe Frenzy did too, so they went to the zoo.

The zoo wasn’t busy for once; according to what Thundercracker had said about the place, humans were still wary of them due to the nature of the war and the events that had followed, but things had gotten better recently, despite how everyone kept to themselves. Thundercracker had been the first to run and greet Soundwave. Skywarp and Nova Storm were not too far behind her, however; only Starscream lagged behind. 

He walked slowly, and the gait in his steps was cautious. They stared at each other as the distance between them began to close, neither moving a single wire as if still debating on what could’ve been salvaged as if to test if the water between them was still lukewarm.

“Hi.” Starscream said. He grumbled his words, but for the most part—there was an attempt to be amicable. 

“Hi.” Soundwave said slowly. “How has Starscream been doing?”

“Good. You?” 

“Good.”

Starscream had his wings puffed out, and he started to open his mouth. It looked like he was about to say something important but stopped when he saw Frenzy run over to greet him. The seeker bent down to pick her up. “Anything you want to do while we’re here?” he asks her.

“I want to feed the cows,” Frenzy replied, happily. She started to look around and point. “Wait, they have a tiger!” 

“Tigers it is,” Starscream sighed. He waved his servo in the air as if to signal his dismay in performing such a task, but never did he let go of his hold on Frenzy while she chatted in his audials, and Thundercracker ran past him with the rest of her trine, excitement in the air. 

Feeling lost, Soundwave didn’t know what to do and stayed put until he heard Starscream call out to him and say, “You’re coming too, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then hurry up, idiot.” 

Soundwave ignored Starscream but followed after him. He still couldn’t believe that he had agreed to come. They passed a few human children, animal-shaped balloons in hand, with no fear in their eyes. Soundwave followed after Thundercracker and felt his spark beat a little faster when she smiled at him.

To his surprise, the tigers were sitting near the glass. Some sat far in the back of their vast enclosure, licking their paws or each other. They rolled around in the grass and dirt like a family, or they waded in the large pool of water that’d been provided for them. Frenzy and Thundercracker had long left Soundwave and Starscream’s side, the two femme mechs already pressing their noses into the glass and giggling. Skywarp and Nova Storm watched; they stood behind the two.

“They’re so cute,” Thundercracker said, admiring the female tiger named Sasha, who stared at her through the glass and yawned. “She looks like Slipstream.”

“Everything looks like Slipstream to you,” Starscream said, but then he saw Sasha look at him. She stared at him as if she had already categorized all of his faults and mental issues in a single swoop. “Okay, maybe she does look like Slipstream.”

Slipstream, the femme seeker, had always been ambitious but could be rather lazy when it came down to it. At least if she wasn’t needed by Starscream for something in the flight academy, like group projects, team meetings, or collected data—a blank slate, their colleagues and professors would say if asked about her. She could be anyone, anywhere, and nowhere. But also volatile in nature, if pushed or felt threatened, she had a temper and would always joke about stealing Thundercracker from Starscream. To which the older seeker would tell her to try if she dared.

They went their separate paths, however, and by the time Vos started to burn and the uprising had begun, they had joined different organizations and factions. Starscream still remembered how the city looked that day, plumes of red smoke and fallen buildings, his friends either out there to fight or had chosen to flee days prior. 

But for Starscream, he wanted to see what was left before he followed after Megatron, subduing any resistance left before they made it to Iacon. His mission accomplished, Starscream contacted his air squad, returning to their meeting place. Thundercracker had been staring at something, her trine holding her close as if they were afraid she would vanish in a moment’s notice if they looked away for even a nanosecond. 

Slipstream and the other seekers they’d known from the flight academy had swung by and gotten into an argument with them. After Starscream had arrived, they’d already left but forgot to take their energon supplies. Thundercracker said it was probably on purpose; her trine said nothing of it, and they never saw a glimpse of Slipstream or her group again; it was as if they were ghosts in the war.

“I saw her recently,” Thundercracker admits to him, softly. “She came to say hello and asked why you weren’t trying to take her out for appearing in front of me. I was surprised.”

“Did she?” Starscream said. It’s just him and Thundercracker now. Soundwave has already walked off with the rest of the group. The two of them stand there in front of the tiger exhibit, their reflections staring right back at them. “All this time missing and she can only say ‘hello’ and ‘why am I not being blasted?’”

Thundercracker laughed a little. Her wings fluttered in one swift swoop. “No, she also said there might be a clue to who my carrier is. Late hatch gift.”

“You still care about that stuff?”

“Sometimes. But only because I swear that there’s something attached to my circuits and spark still. It can’t be my trine bond. It’s something else, Starscream. It has to be.”

“And you think it’s the last hanging remnants of your carrier’s bond to you,” he said. “For whatever reason.”

“Basically!” 

There had always been a nagging feeling in the back of Thundercracker’s spark, something she felt was missing and shouldn’t have been; something was always attempting to contact her—and she had always felt it was her carrier—the one who named her but also let her go. Her memories as an egg were vague, and all she could really recall of her supposed and mysterious carrier was that they liked to talk; they talked a lot to her when she was an egg, even when she would incubate in their arms or chest cavity.

Sometimes she wondered how true their stories were, like how the best way to survive was to eat things that not everyone may consider edible—like another mech or wild animals, but that was only in the worst-case scenarios. Sometimes they said what her sire looked like, but she had never been able to find them. And when she tried to act out what she had been told as an egg, how to survive, Starscream and his friends would scold her. 

But there was another thing her carrier told her about, this sweet energon candy that they liked to eat; it was a special treat, something they would share one day when she hatched. Starscream said that it didn’t exist in Vos, so maybe her carrier liked to travel or was from elsewhere; either way, she had been found as abandoned as an egg, found in a safe nest, found in Vos. 

And Thundercracker wanted to figure out who created her, who used to hold her and keep her safe, peel back whatever was stopping her from figuring it out. Slipstream would listen whenever she felt the need to ask what a carrier was supposed to be; Starscream never claimed to be hers—in fact, no one did. He never spoke about his carrier either. Sunstorm said it was a sore spot for him to discuss it. 

“Soundwave must really like the elephants,” Starscream said. “Look at him.”

“You can tell?” Thundercracker said. 

She looked over to where Soundwave was standing as they approached him and the rest of their group. It was hard to tell because Soundwave always had his mask on, and she barely saw him without it on. Even if he had it off to fix his makeup or needed it off for something, he never smiled much. Thundercracker would have thought he was built from ice itself or had his emotions removed if she didn’t know how hard Soundwave took Rumble’s passing and then Megatron’s betrayal.

Starscream nodded almost fondly and said, “Yeah. You can’t?” He looked at Soundwave, who was holding Frenzy in his arms; Skywarp and Nova Storm were busy looking at something else, giggling about something they saw on the way there.

“No,” Thundercracker said, curious. She ran over to Soundwave and looked up at him. “Hey, Soundwave. Do you like elephants?” 

Soundwave nodded slowly before pointing to one of the elephants in the distance; it was a mother and her calf. “Cute,” he said, but started to tense up when Starscream approached from behind.

The two of them refused to meet the other’s glances as if they were never supposed to be so amicable again or speak until Starscream breaks the silence and Frenzy takes it as her cue to run after the fleeing but giggling group of seekers. 

“Have you been eating?” Starscream said, servos perched on top of the metal bar, optics focused on the herd of elephants that started to eat and play with each other, trunks and ears almost in sync. They looked happy. 

Soundwave, however, ignored him and kept staring at the elephants, but he also kept stealing glances at Starscream, all of it hidden by his visor and mask. His spark felt as if it were still spinning, dropping because of the uncertainty of not knowing why—Starscream was carrying—and why he couldn't have been the sire. It was for the better, he thought but that didn’t stop him from feeling rather irked about it, irked at how calm Starscream was right now, asking him of all mechs if he’s been eating when in reality, it should’ve been the other way around.

“You can feed them in the afternoon,” Starscream said. His words broke Soundwave out of his thoughts, and he finally turned to look at the seeker, who smiled before saying, “I figured you’d like to see a zoo someday, but wouldn’t agree if I asked, so I made Thundercracker. I’m not wrong.”

“Starscream is not. If the invitation had been offered by Starscream, Soundwave would not have gone or cared to respond.”

“They look like you,” Starscream said. He was pointing at an elephant and made a gesture with his servos, bringing them to the side of his helmet to mimic how they looked. “Giant ears and all.”

Soundwave frowned underneath his mask, prepared to say something, but was stopped when he heard Starscream start to laugh. He brought his servos forward and used them to cover his mouth as if to muffle the sound or hide how funny his joke was if it weren’t for his wings giving him away so easily. 

And Soundwave fell silent. He fell silent as if still trying to recall the last time he had heard Starscream laugh so genuinely or happily in front of him; his once tired shoulders look lighter now that they have been relieved of duty, his thoughts are calm as the breeze, and the reins he once wrapped so tightly around others have loosened. 

Soundwave’s optics linger on Starscream’s smile and raised wings. Sometimes he wondered who else had the justification and right to see it. A part of him is tempted to ask if Starscream is happier now that they’ve spent time apart. But it’s a mouthful of what-ifs and thoughts of forever that go nowhere, there’s also a mouthful of who was he to ask when they separated for a reason, a good reason. And he is not afraid to admit why or walk away again. He and Starscream have both known loss, how sharp it could be when pointed at the other and used to cause what felt like an eternal torture of grief and loss, and what happened when their love had nowhere to go but the gutter—when it came time to part.

“Soundwave doesn’t look like an elephant,” he said despite how he felt or the embarrassment that spread across his hidden facial features. It’s hard to not tease Starscream at this moment, especially when he tilts his head and smiles at him. “But Starscream looks like something.”

“I do?”

“Yes. A giraffe.” 

Starscream started to sputter and argue with Soundwave in response. “How dare you? I do not! Wait, what even is a giraffe?” 

Soundwave smiled and took the seeker’s wrist, almost tugging on it as they headed somewhere. “Soundwave will show Starscream since he doesn’t know.”

Similar to the elephant enclosure, the giraffes had a large and open space to roam around and look at visitors while they ate whatever the zookeepers had left out for them to snack on throughout the day or play with for entertainment. 

“Looks like Starscream,” Soundwave said, pointing at one. He looked at Starscream. “Perfect match.”

“…How charming of you, really,” Starscream responded, unsure if he was being insulted or complimented right now by Soundwave. Struggling to understand where the resemblance or ‘perfect match’ between him and a giraffe was. “But I don’t see it.”

“Tall.”

“Tall?”

Soundwave nodded and repeated what he had said earlier to Starscream again. “Tall,” he said, holding back a laugh.

Before Starscream can answer, a giraffe walks up to them; she sticks her nose in their faceplates as if to check for herself if they really did look alike, and Starscream could only let out a loud and highly unintentional squeak, being jammed up against Soundwave’s tape deck. This close, he can feel the smoothness and warmth of Soundwave’s frame through his expansive and large wings.

“She’s just curious,” Soundwave teases, but Starscream refuses to listen and tries to hide from being inspected by such a tall and ominous-looking creature with spots.

Starscream tries to look brave, but his shaking frame and stance while Soundwave continues to laugh and help to “shield” him despite their already clear enough height difference where the seeker would be considered the taller one. And that’s all it takes for Thundercracker to run over and stare at them funny, like they’re a legendary pair of comedians or a pair of clowns in a circus putting on a show.

“Are you scared?” Thundercracker asks. 

Starscream can only pout in response to her words, and Soundwave can only give him a consolatory pat on the hip; his servo almost lingers after that when he realizes what had happened. Fortunately, the action goes unnoticed or is ignored by Starscream. Old habits die hard. 

And Soundwave had the habit of touching Starscream there—touching the seeker on his right hip. It was a habit he had developed after Starscream injured his hip on Earth, something that had only happened because he chose to save Soundwave from being captured by the Autobots, despite not really needing to. 

Since then, Soundwave had always been concerned about Starscream’s hip, enough to touch it or check it; this became more apparent of a need to do when it would rain on Earth. He still remembered how they used to deal with it.

“I’m fine, stop,” Starscream would say, attempting to complain to the best of his abilities whenever Soundwave tried to check his hip for issues or apply oil to it. He would then lean forward, prepared to yank his ankle away from Soundwave’s servos, but was stopped by the searing jolt of pain that ripped through his frame. It was like someone had taken a soldering iron and stamped him with it. “I told you to stop, Soundwave! Don’t forget who’s in charge of the Decepticons right now.”

Soundwave shook his head and refused to let go. He kept his servo wrapped around the seeker’s ankle and scooted closer with his tools to try and take a closer look. They were currently seated on the floor right now. Now that Soundwave had been able to chase down his leader and force him to hold still, now that Soundwave had taken it upon himself to tackle Starscream in his quarters and wrestle the seeker into submission, now that Soundwave knew no one else would’ve cared to check or know how bad Starscream’s hip could get when it rained.

“Starscream is not fine. It was raining today, and he was outside flying with Skywarp earlier when he started limping around the base and leaning on his left hip when he tends to favor his right more. Shockwave told Soundwave what happened already too. Stop pretending.”

That was enough to silence Starscream, who could only bring the corner of his lips upward and glare at Soundwave; the meaning behind it was obvious. He was still struggling to acknowledge or admit how Soundwave—his second in command—was right, more than right. He was not fine. While out earlier, the sudden rain had seeped into the right hip and caused it to creak; pressure was almost impossible to place either on the part; it needed to be looked at, but they lacked the proper medical facilities or supplies. 

He’d have taken care of it himself, but it was a difficult area to inspect, and Soundwave had always taken it upon himself to help—for whatever reason, to pay off his past (and invisible) debts to Starscream he would claim if asked.

“Hurry up then,” Starscream sneered. “And don’t think I forgot how you tackled and bent my wings earlier!”

“Soundwave understands and apologizes, but it was necessary.” He leaned forward, and the mask that typically covered his scarred and makeup-applied appearance was soon revealed, attending to the pouting but amused seeker in front of it. The annoyance and the pleasure almost mixed as Soundwave moved to kiss Starscream’s cheek, then his lips. “Starscream’s hip may cause him to falter later in the day if not checked. Starscream will feel better soon,” he chided. 

“Maybe if you give me another kiss, I’ll feel better.”

Soundwave laughed when he heard Starscream sound so coy despite his less-than-ideal condition but did as he was asked. He captured the seeker’s lips, lifting his legs and arms until they were wrapped around something sturdier and easier to grasp. Starscream offers no resistance, except the occasional grumble that his waist will hurt in the morning or that Soundwave is biting at his neck too much; people will talk. But perhaps it was in those moments where they were able to love each other the easiest. With the vaguest sense of belonging, an unconvincing word of loyalty, and the knowledge of the absence that follows it as though something still weighed on them—stopping them—it’s where Soundwave would consider that one of the gentler moments between them, but also where he felt Starscream was distant.

The seeker would never instigate things between them, not like he had before in the past, not as openly or willingly like he was now—if Soundwave wanted to be intimate, then it was on him to ask first or chase after the other. And it’d become like this almost right after Starscream and he were stranded on a strange but organic-ridden planet; it was like Earth, but where there were buildings and grass, there were flowers and waterfalls. 

Even stranger when they dealt with the local and unknown flora—the pollen they’d fallen under had caused a rift between them in a way; it caused them to fall under a heat-like trance, propelled further by the need to procreate. Or maybe Soundwave had imagined it all. He can’t remember much of it now; the majority of it has been erased, taken over by more painful memories, but the touch is still there. 

How he felt about Starscream that day is still there—the question Starscream asked him is still there, but the answer Soundwave was supposed to give was not.

Starscream, in that moment, so willing to ask for something, if it was possible for him to be loved, the stickiness of his needs while Soundwave observed him, the both of them lying there among a patch of flowers, riddled with marks and marks galore, it is apparent the seeker craves his affection, but the timing is off, and the reason is even stranger given their circumstances beyond this planet; it’s difficult to gauge if Starscream was being genuine too. 

Soundwave asked himself : What was the point? What was asking me that was supposed to signify or lead to?  

His suspicions felt to be proven right when it was never mentioned again by Starscream—the topic of love, the wound of it—but it was as if it’d never happened between them. And that bothered him. It bothered Soundwave enough to reopen such a wound; despite asking for it to be created first, he had carved and sliced his own piece of it out to look up at it with his servo before abandoning it.

Starscream’s question about love and his actions regarding it, it all felt subpar and rather superficial when Soundwave looked at it amidst his own confusion and frustrations for how the seeker expressed himself. For someone who demanded so much of his attention, Soundwave felt and believed that Starscream couldn’t imagine or understand what love was or the shape that it was supposed to take in the end—he was never direct. He could only read and grasp what’s empty yet half full—he was never satisfied or willing to consider what’s already his; he just mimicked whatever he thought Soundwave wanted out of him, but not what he may have needed. 

Strangely as they began, they ended rather angrily at each other—there’s nothing more to say or think. In Soundwave’s optics, Starscream is a hypocrite. A hypocrite who chooses to hide from what is supposed to be the most romantic of all holidays in Vos—the Great Migration—a grand event to court someone, make one’s romantic intentions known, and declare love for someone for an eternity. Yet, Starscream chose to flirt with him through it all and only him, unable to say what he really wants out of their relationship besides simple misguided possession, so nothing makes sense in the end to Soundwave.

He refused to ask for more, if it’s even an option for them. He refused to ask what Soundwave wanted or asked to see if things had changed; he would only assume and hide himself from the world. Common sense says to stop interacting with Starscream because of that, but what is there to do when the object of his past affection still lingers and stays nearby? Babbling and strewn like a wilted flower—it has nowhere to go but the ground, especially when such a flower now carries life with it, life that has an unseen and unnamed sire. 

Soundwave almost wants to ask Starscream about the sire of his sparkling again. If it isn’t him, then who was it actually? He couldn’t figure it out.

“I was not,” Starscream said. The tone of his voice is more than enough to remind Soundwave where his servo has been this entire time or where it still hovers—Starscream’s right hip, but also his midsection—where the sparkling should be residing right now—calling to be acknowledged, but again by who? 

Soundwave does not know. He can only understand that the sparkling must be missing someone right now; Starscream is missing someone right now; it leaks from his EM field, and Soundwave feels his spark ache in response because if, if it’s not him, then who is it? His spark tells him to ignore that thought, to ignore if it is or is not him. It doesn’t matter anymore. It stopped mattering the moment he called Starscream out on his delusions of love and his delusions of what they were supposed to be or not be in the end. But the seeker is unpredictable, yet familiar, like an unmade cup of tea or a dog that is willing to greet their owner—diligent but stubborn. 

Thundercracker rolls her optics at Starscream’s insistence and argues, “Your wings are still shaking. Not scared of the giraffe, my aft!”

Starscream looks back at the giraffe, Thundercracker, then at Soundwave, removing himself from the other mech’s touch or grasp, pushing almost as if it was never supposed to have happened, frightened by his own subconscious need to be near him. “I was startled, that's all. The sparkling was startled.” And Soundwave freezes midway through his nodding when Starscream mentions his sparkling again and says, “Wait, where is Frenzy?”

“At the gift shop with Skywarp and Nova Storm. She wants a souvenir,” Thundercracker said, calmly. 

“We haven’t even finished looking at everything,” Starscream said. He was half tempted to scold the little blue seeker in front of him; there was a glint in her eye that had appeared earlier when she saw him and Soundwave standing so close—too close earlier. And he knew better than to let it linger or get excited, risking embarrassing the both of them. “Didn’t you want to go and look at the hippos?”

“Already did,” Thundercracker said. “You guys took too long, so we walked around on our own before heading to the gift shop.”

“Soundwave and Starscream took too long?” After saying that, Soundwave couldn’t help but look around them; the sun had already started to set by now; time had slipped by as Thundercracker had insisted. Time makes it clear. 

Starscream laughed and shrugged a little. “I guess.” 

“Soundwave can only guess too.”

⊹₊⟡⋆

Elephants were rather gentle and majestic creatures in Soundwave’s opinion. He liked how they looked and congregated in herds similar to how he and his family operated. But he also liked some of the fun facts he had been reading on the placards of their exhibit. 

Elephants could communicate through ground-based, or seismic, vibrations; they could use it to communicate or respond to each other. Sounds too low for humans to hear, but more than enough for them to hear and understand—translate it even; it allowed them to convey different messages over considerable distances. Capable of differentiating if a vibration came from another elephant or human.

And Soundwave wondered if the vibrations they felt were similar to the ones he was capable of picking up through his finials. He also wondered how he could handle it so well. How they could mourn and grieve each other for long periods of time with their trunks. He didn’t think Starscream was wrong to compare him to an elephant, but he was wrong to make fun of him the way he did. Soundwave thought that it was uncalled for.

But right now, he didn’t know if he still thought that. Not when he was staring at something and standing inside of the zoo’s gift shop; something had caught his eye out of everything—a giant and oversized stuffed animal—a blue elephant. Soundwave held it and started to mess with the ears; they were floppy but soft when held between his digits. It’d have been comically large if held by a human child or grown adult, but in the hands of a Cybertronian, it was more than enough to hold or snuggle into.

Maybe, just maybe, he could see the resemblance between himself and this elephant when it was this size—huggable even. However, Soundwave, despite all his time on Earth, was still unfamiliar with the currency of this planet; he didn’t understand how much something like this would have cost or how to purchase it, so he put it back and turned his attention to Frenzy. She was in the middle of talking to Thundercracker and Starscream. Both seekers were staring at her, talking about something, but what Soundwave could barely make out, not when the gift shop was almost filled to the brim with people. Too many voices and thoughts; it made his head hurt.

Free from the noise and chatter, Soundwave stared at the elephants again, feeling a sense of pride but also sadness when he realized that he had missed the chance to feed the elephants. Soundwave wanted to feed them. It was the first time he had been able to get so up close and personal with something larger than him in size. He knew it’d be impossible right now to go and see them in the wild, so the zoo was probably the closest thing he had ever get to seeing such gentle giants.

Then he felt something touch the outer confines of his mask, his sensors identifying it as something soft and fluffy—it was the blue stuffed elephant he had been holding earlier but put down before leaving. And Starscream was the one holding it in his arms; he was also laughing at the wave of confusion that radiated from Soundwave’s EM field.

“It’s obvious you wanted it,” Starscream said. “So, hurry up and take it before I make you.”

Soundwave accepted the blue elephant but didn’t say a word. He found himself staring at it instead, feeling the soft material under his digits like he had been earlier in the gift shop. It was still as cute as he remembered when it first caught his eye when he looked into its button-like eyes. When did Starscream notice he wanted it? The idea of being so obvious to the point that Starscream of all mechs had been able to pick up on it made him want to break something. But it also made his spark feel warm and turned a little out of joy because Starscream had noticed his interest in it and bought it for him. He had an elephant now despite being unable to voice it.

"Starscream should visit Cybertron," he said instead, voicing his happiness. “Cybertron has changed. He’d like it.”

"Ah, but I don't think they’d let me visit," Starscream said. He lifted his leg for Soundwave to look at, their attention drawn to the ankle monitor. "Or that I'd be welcomed by anyone aside from a select few on Cybertron." 

"Soundwave will vouch for Starscream's departure and arrival to the others. He will contact the Autobots too on Starscream’s behalf so he can visit Cybertron." 

"How sweet of you."

Notes:

What luck—we meet again.
Will you give me a chance to see the world as you do?
Can I touch you even if for a second?
You may choose to ignore me.
But your touch can not.
A pity.
Maybe things will be okay.

Chapter 8: Strawberry Ice Cream

Notes:

Another update because I said to Moth: I'd auto update if I saw ES SoundStar art, sth like that, I'm easy to motivate (and the ch was always ready to go)

It had taken some effort, but Soundwave managed to help Starscream get to Cybertron as promised. To their shared surprise, Megatron and the Autobots were fine with it; they just asked for the seeker to be safe and for the sparkling’s status to be monitored on Cybertron while he was there. The hospitals and mechs there were better suited for a carrier. They simply didn’t have the means or resources to support Starscream and his sparkling in the later stages.

Soundwave was in the middle of standing in one of Starscream’s old living quarters, an old remnant of the seeker’s life before the war—a painting studio in Vos. Starscream had been rather insistent on cleaning the place, doing everything himself despite Soundwave’s outright concern, or his argument that a carrying mech shouldn’t or stand to lift so much right now.

“You’re doing it wrong,” Starscream said, annoyed. He was sitting down somewhere with his arms crossed one another as Soundwave walked by, carrying another large box, but what was in it only the seeker would have known. “And pull that cloth off too when you’re done with that.”

For a split second, Soundwave asked himself why he had allowed himself to be ordered around so much by Starscream, but then remembered how much coaxing it’d taken him to force the other mech to sit down and stop trying to clean everything on his own. It was bad for a carrying mech to do too much, worse because Starscream had a weak hip that gave out sometimes when he walked, worse because it’d stop entirely.

And after imagining the worst possible scenario, Soundwave forced himself to shut up and say, “Okay.”

Starscream looked surprised; the corners of his optics began to curve upward like two crescent moons. “It’s almost like we’re a married couple right now, Soundwave,” he said, teasing.

Soundwave started to blush. “No.”

“No?”

“No.”

“Then why is Soundwave blushing right now? Blushing underneath his mask?” Starscream asks. He even starts mimicking how his old communications officer and ex-lover talks now. “Starscream thinks Soundwave is the cutest when he’s shy.”

“Starscream should go back to ordering Soundwave around. And for the record, Soundwave is not ‘blushing right now!’ He is overheating from all the work Starscream has assigned him like usual.”

“Soundwave did it to himself,” Starscream said in a sing-song-like tune. “He insisted on taking over too!”

Soundwave grunted in response and went over to pull at the cloth Starscream had asked him to remove when he was done putting down the box—revealing underneath some old paintings—they’ve aged with time and perhaps like all of the energon that ran through Cybertron’s core, it too had changed. It felt strange almost to see how bright everything was in Vos when compared to Earth, which depended on a single star to power its life force—so alien-like due to the fact sunlight was so foreign. 

It’d taken Starscream vorns to understand why so many creatures depended on it, why his plants there did, or thrived off of it. And as he got up from where he was standing, Starscream started to walk over to one of the painting as if something had awakened within him from seeing it—after digging through his memory banks for whatever this was supposed to represent to him when he made it. Clearly, it was unfinished; the strokes were rough, but full of meaning, intentional even, despite the random blobs of paint that made the painting as a result look less like that of a genius painter, but more like that of a child trying to be one, pretending.

“Do you like it?” Starscream asks. His gaze never leaves the canvas as he drags a servo around it. It was probably something he had painted once with Thundercracker. The little blue seeker liked to mimic him when she was younger, still just a hatchling—barely able to reach his knees, yet so full of life. She knew nothing of the world, yet everything seemed edible according to her. He had to sparkling-proof his studio as a result. 

“It doesn’t look like much,” Soundwave admits.

“It was probably supposed to be a study of someone’s work, but Thundercracker wanted to help. She used to like helping me.”

“Did she?” Soundwave said, quietly. 

He walked over to where Starscream was, his servo joining the seeker in his endeavor of feeling the canvas and the dried paint that’s now taken over its surface; slowly but surely, their paths had crossed yet again. And they both froze as a result, the tips of their thumbs barely touching as if gripping the ledge of unreason. Before Soundwave feels an itch in his spark to take Starscream’s servo, the seeker takes it away first, holding it away from him and close to his canopy as if the door to his spark was closed. Or he had his doubts about something.

“She also used to try and eat paint,” Starscream said, trying to hide the flush that spread across his faceplate. “Thought it was edible. It used to make me angry because she said her carrier taught her that anything can be eaten, but now I think it’s endearing of her to still remember those things.”

“Does she still remember her carrier?” Soundwave says. With his mask still on, he looks to be meeting Starscream’s gaze, but underneath, he’s looking at Starscream’s servo—the one that he had been tempted to grab earlier out of habit. 

“A little,” Starscream said, sounding rather nostalgic at that moment. “That sort of thing can happen. Sparklings can hear a lot when they’re growing. I’m a little scared of what mine will hear or remember once they’ve emerged and are old enough to properly process things.” He laughs—the idea made him smile but also feel a pang of guilt.

There was no doubt in his spark that his sparkling will be developing the outer shell of their egg; soon. He could tell from how much they’d been kicking him less now; it was quieter now and he was starting to miss their loud presence next to his spark as they began to drop and form their own little barrier. Which meant there would be another stage to its development; he couldn’t ignore the fact either that with this, that meant his sparkling would need Soundwave around to help it hatch, if it made it to the egg stage. 

He was also plagued with the understanding that his sparkling had only been able to make it this far because of Soundwave, because of their combined EM fields. But what about after it left his chamber and emerged as a fully fledged egg? It would need to be incubated by either party, or someone warm if it liked the warmth. Starscream was born cold, so if his sparkling needed warmth to thrive then he would have to make Soundwave hold it, or suffer knowing he couldn’t provide what his egg demanded of him—of their sire. 

As much as he wanted to tell Soundwave that the sparkling was his right now and that his help would be needed soon, he also couldn’t bring himself to admit he had lied out of anger about the sparkling not being his—in response to what Soundwave had said about him being a cruel person. In the end, Starscream thought that it was correct of Soundwave to say that to him, correct when he had whether intentionally or not had lied and was still lying—albeit by omission now.

Because Starscream felt cruel right now. He felt cruel for not telling Soundwave or wanting to because he was afraid of being abandoned again like before—doomed to sit there with Soundwave, but not being allowed to reach or kiss him like he used to; it’s difficult to not, and that’s what separates him from embracing or openly admitting his interest in such an idea—unraveled by Soundwave. The truth would have to come out soon, but he wasn’t sure where to even start; he would have to try soon, though. But that didn’t stop Starscream from feeling scared he had already chased away what his sparkling would see as the sun, what they’d seek on their own time sooner or later.

“Soundwave feels hungry.”

"Are you?" Starscream said, breaking free from his thoughts. “Soundwave is hungry?” 

"Yes." 

"There’s a little diner down the street if you're interested then. My treat,” he said.

“Starscream still has Shanix?”

There was a pause, and Starscream held back a laugh. “Thundercracker gave me a loan on the condition we get along for the day or have lunch while I was on Cybertron.”

“That sounds like her.”

⊹₊⟡⋆

Soundwave was in the middle of reading the menu when he noticed Starscream had been staring at him and had been staring for quite some time as if he was debating something before turning to his side to look out a window like a thief who’d been caught in the act. But when Soundwave tried to see if there was a clue in the seeker’s thoughts, a clue to why he had been staring at him earlier. All Soundwave had been able to make out was Starscream’s concerns about whether there would be anything he could eat right now; the sparkling was picky and refused to let him keep anything down—hadn’t allowed him to eat much for ages—and he was losing recharge over it.

After hearing that thought, Soundwave looked up from the menu, thankful that his burning like gaze was still being hidden because he couldn’t help but notice the bleak-like circles that’d formed under Starscream’s optics.

The seeker arranged his servos to be placed on the table, his gaze focused on the window, not Soundwave, but his thoughts floated like moths to a bright light—he was tired but also peeved about something. He wanted to eat something sweet right now despite never being into sweet things before, cursing the sire—because they liked sweet things, it’s only natural for the sparkling to inherit something like that too; it’s imprinted into the sparkling already. Starscream has started to crave what it wants to try by now.

Soundwave began to shift in his seat after that and tried to focus his telepathy on something else—anything to distract himself from hearing Starscream and his thoughts about his sparkling or the sparkling’s sire—but it was hard. Curiosity tastes sweet, and the tired expression on Starscream’s faceplate looks nostalgic; it lights up a little when he reminds himself that this sparkling must take after their sire—he’s happy. To the world, Starscream was a monster of war, an unyielding and merciless killer, but to Soundwave he was as unyielding as he was vulnerable and as merciless as he was tender when the atmosphere was arranged properly. 

“I want coffee,” Starscream said. He sat there, arms on the table, ordering people like he had always done, and stared at the waitress who’d come to take their orders. 

To his surprise, however, he saw Soundwave shake his head and say, “Is Starscream sure? It’ll be bitter.”

“I want something bitter right now. I have it all the time on Earth.”

Soundwave handed the menu over and said to the waitress, “One strawberry milkshake with whipped cream, please.”

Starscream cupped a servo under his chin and stared at Soundwave as the waitress left to go put in their order. His thoughts were still like a calm ocean now, but it was clear he was wondering why it was a strawberry milkshake that had been ordered instead of a chocolate milkshake. Because Soundwave liked the taste of chocolate more personally, while he liked strawberry. 

“I used to come here all the time before the war," Starscream said. “Thundercracker and her trine liked getting something after class. It was our little tradition.”

“Cute,” Soundwave said. “That’s cute.”

“Skywarp and Nova Storm used to argue over who got the last piece of turnover when we came here, but then Thundercracker would sneak in to steal a bite, so then it turned into an argument about why she wasn’t allowed to have done that.”

“Starscream is close to his seekers,” Soundwave said, tilting his head to the side a little. His finials twitched occasionally, and it reminded Starscream of how the other mech would do that if he wanted to hear more about something—an unconscious little habit of Soundwave’s but also the easiest way to read him when his faceplate was always hidden.

“Something like that, I suppose,” Starscream said. Under his gaze, his optics narrowed a little, and he felt his pupils start to change a little for only a moment into the shape of hearts. Something he had inherited from his carrier—a sign of happiness, they’d always said to him. And he hides them from Soundwave, or tries to. “We’ve always been close. I’d consider Skywarp and Nova Storm mine if I didn't know their creators before the war. They’re still around by the way.”

“Soundwave understands… He is the same when it comes to Frenzy and the rest of his cassettes. He may not know who they were with first before meeting him, but they are like his sparklings in a way.”

“Soundwave…” Starscream said, servos holding the edge of the table, and he leaned forward about to say something but stopped when he saw the waitress return with their drinks.

“Here’s your order,” the waitress said cheerfully. She placed the coffee in front of Starscream and the strawberry milkshake with whipped cream in front of Soundwave before leaving them to their own devices.

Starscream fell silent after that, the climax of his words having lost their heat; instead, it died in his throat, and he felt his sparkling start to complain to him again that they wanted something else. They want something sweet, not bitter. But Starscream found that the only thing he could enjoy right now when facing Soundwave was something bitter. Until he saw Soundwave reach forward and swap their drinks in a rather swift manner, as if he had known Starscream despite his wishes needed to have something sweet, that he had always liked eating strawberry ice cream.

“Starscream should try to eat something sweet today. Or the sparkling will get mad and cause him trouble for the day,” Soundwave said, his tone suggestive but stern. 

And it makes Starscream want to smile. “Okay,” he said. “If that’s what Soundwave wants.”

Starscream bends down, slender and long digits reaching for the milkshake that’s been placed in front of him now that glides around the straw, and the tip of his glossa sticks out a little before taking a sip. 

His optics are full of amusement, a reminder that he knows Soundwave can still and will read his thoughts—what he’s trying to figure out and dismantle—while they’re in this diner together on what feels like a date, but they both know it’ll never be or really feel like one. He abandons obvious curiosity for what he’s doing or thinking about for something more alluring. He abandons it in favor of being playful, as if to say: show me if your devotion and loyalty to me still exists. 

And Soundwave is all but able to look away from Starscream—an old love affair that has long hit the ground and was meant to be forgotten, feels as if it never ended and time never stopped. 

“Does Starscream like it?” he asks instead, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

“Soundwave should try some first,” Starscream said, smiling. 

To graze the itch that still clawed its way through his spark, Soundwave did as he was told. He leaned forward, the tips of his digits barely brushing past Starscream’s servo, a shadow of a touch until the milkshake was dragged and brought in front of him.

Soundwave removes his mask. He exposes his faceplate and watches as Starscream begins to smile at him, the shape of his pupils exposing true emotions in a way that Soundwave has learned to look for but never mention or dare to imagine someone else has already seen, if not then they will eventually. 

“You haven’t aged a day,” Starscream jokes. “Soundwave is pretty as always.” 

“Thank you,” Soundwave said. His gaze on the milkshake and the straw Starscream had already drunk from, if he drank from it, then it’d be like they were sharing an indirect kiss, like old times. 

He can feel or imagine already how his finials must be giving away how happy Starscream’s words make him. It’s either that or the sudden blush around his cheeks; it’s like a patch of blue flowers has sprung on his faceplate. “Soundwave still has some of the makeup Starscream gifted him during the war.”

Soundwave didn’t think of it often, but his love for wearing makeup had always come out of control; he wanted control over his frame, how he looked, and the feeling that his own accomplishments were his to earn, not someone else’s. He was the cog that made everything work. His desire to tear the system that tried to cage him was almost stronger than anyone else's: he wanted to be free.

In his youth, he had always been told by his carrier how pretty he was, his faceplate something to cherish and take care of, but as he got older and became a more identifiable fighter in the pits, it became a double sword for him. There were those in Kaon, elites of the city, who sought pleasure in forcing and torturing fighters into grueling and long private shows. Soundwave was a gladiator who’d been deemed rather popular for those types of fights. When he was first told about it, he was confused. But then he realized why. It was because they thought he was pretty, pretty enough to ruin and scar.

The blades scorched his cheeks, ankles, and back; the wax torched his tape deck; it all ran down like a fierce blaze, trailing all the way down his back sometimes, and they wouldn’t stop until he had been forced to speak and beg for it to end, his teeth bared to the world, his servos clawed and dug into the ground like prayers. There was bitter triumph in learning he was allowed later to alter his appearance for his shows or fights for the public, no longer forced to appear in private ones—he was ruined according to the majority of them by then.

Not that Soundwave cared; the ability to hide his faceplate for the world was a gift itself, and he felt relief when people started to forget what he looked like. His image became the mask he wore, the visor he used to stare at others through, his expression no longer readable for others. The only unfortunate part was that his finials had always been expressive and picked up all types of different vibrations and sounds—they were sensitive to not only that but also his emotions. However, there were only a select few who’d ever managed to figure out his true thoughts and feelings, the meaning behind his finials—Starscream was perhaps the one who understood him best because of that. 

He was the one who breached Soundwave’s masked faceplate, burning kisses against his tape deck, servos, and ankles—nothing was concerned, ruined, or ugly—he thought all of Soundwave was beautiful; all of it deserved to pass through his digits; nothing was too scarred, nothing was too altered, nothing was different to him. He considered the more hidden parts of Soundwave, like his faceplate, to be only a sweet little surprise—wrapped in mascara, black lipstick, and winged eyeliner. He thought Soundwave was always painted in beautiful shades, arms spread wide open.

It's a road that leads to nowhere in the end, but Soundwave ponders who, if not him, would be treated like he was—worshiped. And for the first time in a long time. He wished it was only him and no one else who could be with Starscream like this—again and again until the end of their days. He’d even settle for another meal if it meant he could think of Starscream like this.

Notes:

Though we have always towed a fine line of friend or foe
All I see is someone who used to love me
And the trail of tears I have left
Nothing I once had is still mine
Here the stars no longer shine as they used to
Here only the moon can see but not touch me
Between your rejection and acceptance
Where does it end?
Please
For get me not
My star

Chapter 9: Sweet Treat

Notes:

I wanted to add a little more onto the SoundStar (non) date sweetness…after some more thought

“You can drink something else,” Starscream said, laughing. He had a servo wrapped around the strawberry milkshake that had been ordered for him earlier instead of the black coffee he had insisted on ordering and drinking but knew it shouldn’t have been consumed. The sparkling would’ve refused if he did or kicked up another fuss at night while he tried to recharge as a consequence of ignoring their earlier demand for something sweet.

Soundwave shook his head rather vehemently and frowned. He didn’t want to waste the coffee that Starscream had ordered. It was bad to waste food, he thought. When he still lived in the pits, it was rare to even be given an ounce of energon; mechs would barter or trade services in return for more, even if that meant throwing a match or causing someone to lose on purpose. 

He himself wasn’t above it, not if it ensured that there would be enough for his cassettes to eat that day. Even now that Cybertron had started to become flush with resources and the process of rebuilding had gone well, Soundwave found it difficult to forget what it was like to starve or be starved and forced to eat or be eaten. 

He still remembered what it was like when Rumble had passed—when she exploded in his tape deck—because he had prioritized fighting over checking if his energon levels were good to go that day. Sometimes Soundwave swears he could still hear her voice when that happened, the quiver in his knees when they gave out and he realized what’d happened because of him, and the anguish that’d washed over him as a result. 

“Soundwave doesn’t want to waste Starscream’s coffee,” he said, trying to take another sip and ignore the pulse in his spark. He doesn’t like the bitter taste, though; it tastes acidic on his glossa and makes his teeth and lips go astringent. But the look on his faceplate must have given away his true thoughts because he heard Starscream snort before waving over the waitress. 

“Can I see the menu again?” Starscream says. “And can we get some packets of sugar and cream?”

“Sure,” the waitress said as she made her way back and over to them with a menu or two in tow. “How many?”

Starscream glanced over at Soundwave. The blue stealth bomber had his entire faceplate scrunched and twisted up into a spiral as if he had tasted something rancid but refused to let it go or admit that it wasn’t palpable enough for him. “A lot, please.”

Soundwave could only keep his mouth shut and his servos to himself as Starscream reached forward to snatch the coffee that sat in front of him and tear into a few packets, or six, of sugar before adding a few cups of cream in there too. The seeker mixed it with ease before pushing it back for him to drink.

“Go on,” he teased. “You should like it more now.” It’d be wrong to not say that because he knew what type of taste Soundwave had developed on his own time, perhaps forged from his time before the war when he was still a sparkling, it continued onward into his adulthood, maybe it’d even grown deeper because of it. Soundwave likes sweet things. That was a fact.

The color had changed; it changed from a dark black into something much lighter in color, and with that, so did the smell. Instead of a harsh and strong bitter smell, it smelled like pure sugar and heavy cream—a new temptation in the making for Soundwave. And he likes it. He even starts to hum a little, a baseless tune, but it plays from his internal music systems—another byproduct of his time on Earth—to express his joy about the taste. 

Starscream can only smile after that; the trembling of Soundwave’s finials is more than apparent; the thrill of seeing it is captivating. But it becomes rather silly when his companion snaps out of his sugar-and-cream-induced beam of happiness and raises his servos to the sides of his head in an attempt to disguise the deceiving shake and flip that’s exposed by those same finials. 

Looking into the curved and sharp shape of the metal brings a flicker of joy to the seeker; however, he can only laugh before saying, “Since you’ve been such a big help today, you can order whatever you want off of the menu. One of my old friends from the flight academy has finally paid me back like she promised. With interest, of course.” 

“Soundwave can order whatever…he wants?” 

“Yes.”

Maybe he should’ve seen it coming, but Starscream still didn’t think Soundwave would order that much, and yet he had. He had ordered more than enough, maybe even the whole dessert menu, and suddenly Starscream felt relieved that he had made his old friends from the academy pay him a fee for making sure their individual brats—Skywarp and Nova Storm—were kept out of harm's way in the war while he served alongside them as their air commander. 

The reality was Starscream just happened to want to join the war, and those two did as well; they requested to stay by his side, Thundercracker’s side. But their individual creators refused at first unless they felt assured there was someone there to keep them safe—standing at the front lines with them. By chance, they realized Starscream had already enlisted and was in a decent and high position, so he made a deal with Skywarp and Nova Storm’s creators, their individual carriers. A promise to return the two seekers in one piece with no injuries, and he had be rewarded heavily, they agreed.

If asked, Starscream would say he agreed because of the price, but if Skywarp and Nova Storm were asked, they’d say he agreed because he watched them grow up and struggled to imagine them fighting in a war without someone they knew by their side to keep them safe—Thundercracker was the same. 

Sometimes Starscream would shake his head and ignore their optics whenever they debated that, stalling the flap in his wings or the pause in his voice, ignoring the judder in his wires at the idea of telling Skywarp and Nova Storm’s carriers that he had failed to bring their daughters back home—in one piece, back to them like he promised. It was hard, but now he didn’t have to worry as much; they were fine and more than full of stories and life. Not a scratch or missing limb in sight. 

“I think you ordered too much…or not,” Starscream started to say as he watched the waitress bring out what they’d ordered one by one and place them all around the table, but Soundwave ignored him, more interested in taste-testing whatever looked good before looking up to meet Starscream’s amused gaze.

“What,” Soundwave said, after swallowing the mouthful of cake and whipped cream he had been attempting to stuff away in his cheeks as if he were a chipmunk trying to prepare for the upcoming frost. “Does Starscream want some too?”

“No, go on,” he said. “I’m good with just my milkshake.”

Feeling relieved, Soundwave, upon hearing that, continued his self-imposed journey to try whatever was in front of him. All sorts of different types of sweets—things he had never tried before or heard of until reading the menu and its description of the item itself. They all sounded rather good to him. The taste was good too; it was the right level of sweetness he liked—though maybe too sweet for someone like Starscream, who preferred if things tasted less sweet, not too sweet to be more exact.

Starscream bit the straw in front of him; he chewed on it a little out of habit in an attempt to distract himself from the dollops of whipped cream and jam that had gotten on Soundwave’s cheeks, the hyperfixation of his nature when it comes to food. Nothing went untouched; he ate with vigor and genuine satisfaction for what was placed and ordered for him—he was happy. 

And Starscream thought it was rather cute of Soundwave to act like this right now as they sat together in a single booth, plates, bowls, and cups apart—separated by a single and rather tall decorated parfait right now as Soundwave debated on what part of it he wanted to eat first, his optics practically gleaming with a gluttonous-like greed.

Yet Starscream can’t help but smile as he reaches for the cherry on top and dangles it in front of Soundwave’s faceplate, a challenge, per se, as if to tease the other mech into taking it, a challenge that was accepted in an instant but was not without its drawbacks or subtle warnings of heat fluctuations. He felt his fans click on the second Soundwave’s lips wrapped around the cherry and yanked it off of the stem before staring at him rather owlishly, and his finials flickered out of embarrassment—neither of them had expected that to happen.

Everything feels slower now, awkward until Soundwave realizes Starscream isn’t upset, just amused, and there’s a napkin in his servo that makes its way across the empty plates of desserts, past the parfait, and over the table to wipe at his cheeks and then his chin—to remove the cherry-like stain that’s painted them—he’s delicate as if trying to care for a doll or something as precious as a lover. Nothing was missed or ignored.

And Soundwave blushed; he diverted his attention to the reflection that had appeared because of the tall glass cup in front of him, how it stared at him in a loving manner, ringed with the color blue and the unmistakable vibration of his finials shaking. There was even another laugh from Starscream, but it was silenced the moment Soundwave found a piece of fruit to jam into the seeker’s mouth, the both of them stuck staring at each other in awe at the action. 

The only thing still separating them from a kiss.

Notes:

Who is it?
The winds won’t tell me
And neither will you
It feels cruel
But fitting
It’s also like you to never answer
To leave me wondering
Is this my punishment?
How cruel
But like you

Chapter 10: I like your optics the most

Notes:

Yes, I still remembered this ff exists and will update it occasionally...the outside soundstar brain worms haven't taken me yet 🏃‍♀️

Soundwave could barely spare a glance in response to the sound of steps entering the balcony he stood on, and who it had ended up being, instead he stepped out even further and draped his servos across the railing. It was easier than guessing who it may have been. How the steps he can hear walk with purpose. How the wings flap with such brevity— but fragile and momentary as its owner approaches. 

Managing to only make out the depth of a softly hummed tune, it continues to enter Soundwave’s audial receptors. To the point he can only manage a simple bare boned greeting in response as a taller but identifiable and still carrying seeker moved to stand next to him but it was as if there was a paper wall between them. 

And Soundwave’s optics went to the rough and translucent obstruction that had formed between them like how a cat or dog does when left alone and sits at a window— left wondering what’s beyond. What were the birds like if touched or the constantly moving vehicles that passed by, unaware if they would return. Only able to recall the flavor of freedom it may have once experienced before learning what the warmth of a home was, the sensation of a kiss, how one’s name sounds when spoken. 

It wasn’t a need, but a question— a simple rapt of awareness, perhaps to the way their sparks had long burned out, and were stolen by the stars. How Starscream would close his optics before he decided to open them but would not turn to look at Soundwave for the longest time, no longer as visually elated or excited to see the other. 

“Not in a party mood today?” Starscream said, watching as the blue mech in front of him froze before reluctantly turning to meet his amused gaze before starting to search the blank expression on Soundwave's faceplate. “You walked out all of a sudden,” he snorted. 

“Too loud,” Soundwave said.

Starscream stepped closer in response and leaned over to look at Soundwave until the space between them had shortened drastically. It’s enough to hear the rumble of the seeker’s engines; the general propulsion that threatened to let him take flight if he so wished to. 

Soundwave braced himself for the smell of sandalwood and jasmine, but instead the one that towered over him smelled of tangerines— the magnitude of silence, the feeling of something turning, the monolith of want. Starscream’s expression was smug as if he knew of what the other had been thinking of and the chilled iciness of it was expressed through the lifted corners of his mouth— because it could not mean anything else. 

They both knew that, the thin pocket of space between the both of them, and the feeble nor romantic sigh in Starscream’s voice as he said, “It’s rather loud in there. I don’t know why Drift insisted on inviting so many people.” 

Drift, the aura loving Cybertronian he was, had decided that they should hold some kind of celebration or rather a party in response to the news and Starscream’s arrival on Cybertron. It was supposed to be small, but somehow word had gotten out and the next thing anyone knew, there were more than a few old faceplates that had appeared with the intention of saying hello to what were now considered old enemies or allies— an inordinate amount of attention between both sides. There were even those unaffiliated with either side by choice or had the ability to leave before it had gotten too bad, but wanted to see certain mechs— rebuild closed doors or open new ones. Soundwave wasn’t sure how else to describe it, but he could make out the shape of happiness, peace had finally arrived, and it’s almost bottomless. 

But in comparison, the sensation of seeing Starscream earlier on the stage with his old friends from Vos dragging the tall seeker onto the stage for a few sessions of karaoke was like watching young skylarks take flight across the rural fields of Kaon and the pure joy that slips into reach because of it — but there is no other way to describe it. 

When Starscream is leaning on what Soundwave could only have understood to be those from his days before the way given how they look at each other, bright optics while they laugh after singing something together as a group. Words or wing flips Soundwave can’t read or make out—he wonders if one of them is the sire when he sees their closeness. 

His spark starts to kick against his wires in response to that thought, it swings and bites furiously like a misunderstood but held kitten, it only knows the color of its mother’s gaze, the color of its fur, and what it wants the most at that moment but can’t have any more like it used to— some things have been taken for granted. 

Time almost stops as Starscream starts to lean in and ask one of the mechs in front of him something but by pure coincidence their optics meet and the seeker raises the glass of energon in his servo towards Soundwave— the action carries the weight of what may or may not have been able to be said and the other decides that he’s had enough seeker watching. The trilling of their chirps, wings shivering with excitement as they continued to discuss and laugh at old memories, everything they’d missed out on since the war and more—one of their own is carrying.  

Soundwave decides that what he really needs is to no longer watch Starscream like he had always done before on the Nemesis or Earth; documenting the intricacies of his words, his snide remarks, his wry smiles. So, he picks up the pace, and holds back the servo twitching to reach out for someone who can’t have been there anymore, or to ask who the alleged sire was if not him. 

Everything is so loud now; the sound of others openly discussing how things were now. 

It’s a strong contrast to their actual thoughts; the ones that loomed tall like the columns of stone he had grown so used to feeling caged by, underneath the wings of his family spent learning how to fly even if only a little. So, he pretends to be there instead again, no longer knowing what it was like to have met someone to show him the most expressive reveal of their spark, for a battle that had no winner, only losers— all for the sake of asking to be loved. He's still ashamed and coupled with their past and most recent conversations, it only adds to the fire he feels spread across his smooth plated finish. He doesn't know if they could go back.

Yet despite his attempts to forget that melodious feeling, the source of his ridiculous performance and state of embarrassment over his lack of emotional competence is now standing next to him. Looking at him even as if there is sheer delight of pure enjoyment and possible bereavement in witnessing Soundwave's silence again.

Do you regret coming? —Starscream's blue optics almost seemed to say. 

That could have been why the other had followed him out so soon. But it could also mean nothing and Soundwave was projecting his own emotions onto the seeker. It could have really just been another coincidence of chance, something found in the once thinly veiled mutual hatred for the other. Now it was more like a broken comradery of fellowship, something they had once shared before it all boiled into nothing.

Even the inclusion of Starscream’s servo sitting near his or, the hue of ambiguous depth so deeply focused on him like it always had been could not soothe nor, soften the pain Soundwave felt, like moonlight casted down onto the seat of a window— it barely touched him. Only the illusion of it did or could. And he couldn’t help, but asked himself if it was still too late to have the time turn back. Turn back to when he had been allowed to sleep beside Starscream, rest his frame against the seeker without care, or concern if it was a trap.

His reminiscing was broken when Soundwave saw Starscream reach for something and laugh. “Do you mind?” he asked him, holding a box of something, opening it to take out a thin and slender stick— a energon stick.

Soundwave shook his head, and tried to take it from Starscream, but was met with resistance when the seeker pushed his nose into Soundwave’s faceplate without a word and stared at him.

“It’s not good for the sparkling,” Soundwave said

Starscream laughed and brought the stick to his lips, Soundwave’s digits still wrapped around them, only able to let out a quiet but feeble noise of interest after as if to acknowledge Soundwave’s actions of care. He even lets the energon stick be taken from him. 

“It’s just candy. Can’t do anything to the baby,” Starscream said, “Ask Ratchet if you’re so worried.” 

“Candy?”

“Candy.”

Starscream was surprised when he then heard Soundwave ask if he could have one too, but obliged the request by shaking the box of energon sticks in front of Soundwave like it was a box of cat treats— another sinister temptation, bitter-sweet when it’s been eaten, finished and collected then put away, almost to never be seen again. 

“I didn’t know you also liked to pretend to smoke,” he said, joking.

“Only tried it once, but Soundwave feels like it again.” He grinned after that, the energon stick felt oddly satisfying to hold in his servo, pointed to the sky like it was an old but proud rusted blade. “No lighter?” 

He stared at Starscream who could only stare back at him, clearly dwelling on something now— but as to what Soundwave could not have guessed because there was no noise from the seeker’s mind. It was quiet. Starscream’s mind was quiet since returning from Earth, and the only thing that could have been read was possibly the blue in his optics. But only sometimes, not today.

“Just wanted to see if you actually meant it,” Starscream remarked, exposing the silver lighter he had been hiding. 

With a single click, he ignited it and brought it to him, lighting the energon stick in between his lips, but also the one that Soundwave held to his as well between two digits as he leaned in closer to borrow the hissing flame between them. And if Soundwave could have sworn, he saw a glimmer of tenderness in Starscream’s pupils, he seared it into the back of his mind, the illusion of blue, the pure transparency of everything they left unsaid— love and hatred. It was as if they shared some kindred feeling of indefinable guilt for a crime that was not even committed or tried for because neither could remember what had been done, just the feeling of something being stolen before it had a chance to bloom.

“Thank you,” Soundwave soon murmured as he pulled away from the open flame, sunset-like optics so hyper–focused on the sight of Starscream still. 

But where he would have responded, the seeker in lieu chose to ignore him and blew a puff of candied warm pink smoke at his faceplate before walking off to another part of the balcony to continue eating. No longer willing to entertain their game of pettiness today, something as ancient but tender like the rolling clouds of an incoming storm. 

“You’re welcome,” Starscream acknowledged. His words come out of nowhere, but it’s all the proof Soundwave needs to know that Starscream had heard him even if he hadn’t wanted to. The bite in his words has little meaning behind it, but it hurts like the sound of a guitar string snapping before soothed by a gentle yet skilled quick replacement. “It’s nice, isn’t it? Maybe even beautiful.” Starscream sounds tender now, the edge of his vocalizer dipping into warm found against the restless cold. 

“What is?” Soundwave asks.

Starscream doesn’t meet his gaze, but by choice leaned forward to look at what was in front of them and point. He even chirped, “Cybertron.” 

Soundwave follows Starscream’s servo and soon understands that there was beauty in how the city lights of Iacon reflect back to them; her race roads, her soothing magnetic field, her spark nestled into the depths of their wires—her people were finally home. 

The world they’ve missed for so long is finally returning to its glory days, there are still so many things to be done, and re–built to ensure there will never be another civil war again. But for now, they try to adjust to this new way of life, the glittering confidence of the Cybertronians that can be seen on the streets below them, the boom of voices and drunken singing where they had both just been standing— so close but apart from each other until now.

But while, Starscream seemed to be focused on enjoying the energon stick and the vast fields of life that stretched out before them on the open terraced balcony they were standing on, Soundwave was focused on enjoying how the seeker looked right now, and thought about how he liked the color of Starscream’s optics the most. 

It’s the magical, yet sky–blue glow that brings out an inexplicable sense of desire that pulls him in again as he asks himself—if this was really enough.

Notes:

Was it Cybertron who was beautiful or you?
My eyes may never wander again
I can’t help but speak
Of what we used to be
I miss kissing your skin
What do you miss?

Chapter 11: All That Remains

Notes:

Hitting Soundwave over the head with an early Father's day gift, may his worries finally be soothed (or worsened) by his filial children and easy to blow up airplane husband. Every other SDW is probably fine haha because only this SDW suffers with a generational curse of bad luck. Maybe he broke a mirror in another life...

Starscream was in the middle of trying to nap when Thundercracker said she needed his help. She was trying to reach for a beaker in the supply closet of his lab with help from Soundwave, but they couldn’t find it. Confused, Starscream followed after her and tried to help them find it and ended up standing inside of the closet too with Soundwave. The both of them tried to avoid contact and work together. And he did it after being forced to witness Thundercracker’s “special attack,” though Starscream had always thought it looked less like an attack, as she liked to call it, and more like how Buster did when she didn’t want to take a bath. Big optics and all.

Either way, he ended up standing inside of the closet in an attempt to please her and look for what she said wasn’t there before he and Soundwave heard the door slam shut all of a sudden. The first thing he tried to do was break down the door with his pede, but Soundwave had stopped him; he had pulled him back and said it wasn’t good for the sparkling. Though he felt annoyed, Starscream let Soundwave try instead, but to his surprise, nothing worked like expected, and he was left staring at his palms confused.

“Ridiculous,” Starscream said. “Thundercracker, this is not how you make people talk!” 

“Well… Your method wasn’t working either,” she said. “And I’m not the only one who feels this way, so you’re not allowed to leave unless you tell Soundwave the truth! Like the actual truth, Starscream." 

Starscream thought this was only a plot that only a romance-loving seeker like Thundercracker could’ve written and come up with ever since he told her to stop trying to make him and Soundwave kiss. The manuscripts she kept writing up and sending him were only getting more and more outlandish and his circle marks to elaborate on what to change larger.

But it wasn’t just her who stopped them from escaping by breaking down the door or told them they weren’t allowed to leave yet until Starscream told Soundwave the truth as they once again tried to blast and break down the door but failed to. They could make out a meld of voices: Skywarp, Nova Storm, Frenzy, and Ravage. Telling them that it was useless to try and use their blasters or sonic booms because they’d already gone through the trouble of proofing the whole area—door included, of course.

Yet despite what he was told, Starscream still tried to check the closet for an opening and realized this was less of an attempt to cram two giant pieces of metal and more of an attempt to create a honey-lined trap for two. The type of romantic subplot only Thundercracker and Nova Storm would’ve liked to read and gush over while he went out to do something. A kiss or makeup scene was just a simple locked and jammed door away; they always seemed to like that sort of thing on movie night. 

Soundwave, however, was in the middle of studying Starscream, curious about what he was supposed to tell him. What the “truth” was according to everyone outside. The sound of laughter could still be heard just around the corner of the lab, but so could the fading steps that started to leave them to their own devices.

Starscream remained silent despite the stare he could feel burning into his metal and kept his head on a constant swivel to avoid meeting it. He would rather divert his energy into searching for a way out, even if it was supposed to be impossible. He could handle the impossible. But then he started thinking back to his conversation with his seekers just days ago.

When he was out tending to his garden like usual in the morning, Thundercracker, Skywarp, and Nova Storm had come up to him to ask why he still hadn’t told Soundwave the truth yet. He didn’t really have an answer, however, and could only say he would do it eventually. He got into an argument with Thundercracker after that. She brought up how he failed to do it at the zoo on Earth and failed to do it on Cybertron during lunch, and he failed even more to do it at the party Drift had thrown for him and his sparkling.

He was supposed to try and tell Soundwave in all three of those events that the sparkling was and had always been his, not someone else’s like he had been told, she argued. And it was clear to her that Soundwave had been brooding over it in secret while he (Starscream) remained stubborn and quiet about the topic—growing more and more attached to the idea of telling Soundwave the truth about his sparkling. He was dodging the inevitable.

It’s ridiculous, of course, when looked at by someone so much younger than him, it must’ve looked like a strange situation to even be in—deemed by Thundercracker, who already had little experience in a romance built during and because of the war—naturally there would be a strong difficulty in understanding the relationship between Soundwave and Starscream—the why or how it even happened.

The clear tear in their motivation for the other, how easy happiness could be. It had always been hard to look at by those on the outside when things looked bad—difficult to understand why they seemed to have such a bottomless hunger in their spark for each other, the extravagance of their love on a good day, the strangeness of never admitting it out loud, and the parade of rage when they argued for all to see.

Though he couldn’t bring himself to shatter Thundercracker’s little fantasy of him and Soundwave getting back together and living happily ever after like she wanted them to. He struggled to see or imagine a future where he and Soundwave could raise a sparkling without arguing or getting mad at each other despite how well things had been lately. The whole situation was so complicated to imagine that it made his processors ache. His sparkling would be appearing soon in the future as an egg too, he could feel it, but when he wasn’t sure exactly yet.

His systems had never been able to give him an approximate drop time, but he knew enough after reading through the books he was gifted and told by Ratchet at his appointments to understand that once his sparkling emerged as an egg, they’d be able to move on their own, curious to explore and meet the people they’ve heard speak.

Worried if he wasn’t careful enough to keep a close optic on where they went, his sparkling may even find their way to Soundwave, and another argument would break out and be as bad as their previous arguments. And last week he had woken up in the middle of the night to his sparkling acting a little stranger than usual; they were sending him a different signal, even become more active by nightfall as if they never slept enough or had eaten, occasionally demand he go out and do something for them, like fulfill a midnight craving for them. And after he had done as his sparkling had asked by replying to its need through their shared connection by eating what they wanted, he ended up running into Soundwave and sharing a moment of silence before heading to different places of recharge, much to his regret.

He tried to check on his sparkling after collecting himself but noticed how silent his sparkling had become. It was an uncharacteristic moment of silence, and when he asked them what was wrong, his sparkling told him to go and kick some asteroids. Thinking his sparkling couldn’t have so suddenly grown a second personality or become so harsh with their words to him—there had to be a reason for them to act so differently.

But as he continued to be ignored by his sparkling, Starscream wondered if they were throwing a tantrum because their sire still didn’t know of them yet. He had heard stories of sparklings who did that sometimes; the books he had been reading warned of it too. Slipstream even said to him that some sparklings had a habit of giving their carriers the silent treatment if things didn’t go the way they wanted—or if they went unnoticed by both parties and a connection was possible.

There was something else, though, that he thought was strange: his sparklings would act differently depending on the time of day—sometimes they’d be a little too active, day or night, refusing to let him eat or recharge properly unless he stood near Soundwave or scooted closer to him. Sometimes he swore he was having a set of fussy twins that had a clear and immediate bias for their sire, but he tried to shake the idea off given how rare twins were.

His seekers and Frenzy said they’d help him go look for some old books when he had finally found it in him to complain about it in front of them, but they didn’t really get much from that. Twins were always more of a legend. A way for presenting carriers to keep themselves busy on what kind of sparkling they were expecting to hatch out or see in the future. Something people would say could happen but rarely ever did actually. As most thought to be “twins” were revealed to be a single fussy sparkling—like him, for example. 

“Did Starscream eat enough today?” Soundwave said in an attempt to break the awkward silence between them.

“It’s still hard to keep energon down,” Starscream said. He was sitting in Soundwave’s lap now on accident due to their initial tussle with the closet door, hanging off it almost, his arms and servos pressed to the wall as if touching Soundwave was the scariest part of their entire situation, that he wasn’t feeling trapped right now because of his past experience with G.H.O.S.T., but because he was touching and forced to share such a tight space with Soundwave—of all mechs—and he didn’t know why he had to be here right now. “What about you? Have you been eating?” he asks.

“Starscream is changing the topic.”

“I am not.”

Soundwave leaned forward, his mask retracting with one swift motion, and he looked up at Starscream. Angry, but full of concern for how light the seeker feels in his arms, he shakes his head as if to show disapproval. “Starscream is too skinny. He should increase his energon intake… for his sparkling."

“You must be hallucinating, Soundwave. I’m a perfectly healthy and acceptable weight right now for a carrier. Ask my doctor.” 

Soundwave shook his head again and tried to touch Starscream’s waist. “No. Starscream is lighter than he should be. He should—”

“I wish you’d just stop,” Starscream said, angrily. “I wish you’d just stop pretending like you care about me or this damn sparkling!”

“Soundwave is not pretending to care about Starscream or his sparkling. He is being genuine.”

Starscream took another deep breath, trying to steady the race in his spark. As much as he had been accepting this type of concern and care recently from Soundwave, what came with it was a nagging voice in his head that asked if it was even necessary to argue over how genuine he was.

It was a hard thought to ignore again, so he focused, like usual, on blocking out any potential for Soundwave to read his thoughts, praying that the tinkering he did to his own processors would continue to work as intended—he wanted his mind to remain like a blank slate right now in front of Soundwave, his sparkling too. Something he worked on developing after their encounter at the diner, and he realized if he wasn’t careful enough, he had expose the truth to Soundwave on accident either with his thoughts or his sparklings.

A while ago he had started to ask himself something because of it. He started to ask himself why Soundwave was so invested in his well-being. The gradual change in his behavior was jarring to say the least, and while he himself understood that they’d managed to have a few amicable conversations in both public and private, the majority had been done for the sake of his sparkling’s development on his part. But Soundwave? He had no clue.

He didn’t understand why he bothered to care if he lifted heavy items or not either and would insist on letting him do it instead. Why he bothered to notice and care about his cravings by reading his thoughts, he didn’t have to and could’ve just left him to his own devices. Or why he bothered to make sure that he ate enough on a daily basis when he wasn’t feeling like it. Starscream didn’t understand why he felt so comfortable accepting all of Soundwave’s care, either, like an energon-sucking parasite before it leaves its host a mere husk of itself.

And after a while of accepting it was in his nature to take from people, he told himself it’d be rude to ignore what Soundwave was so willing to do for him, he needed to have the sire of his sparkling around, it was beneficial for the both of them for the time being to have his care and presence around. They both needed Soundwave’s EM field and spark around to feel better and get along. But then, out of nowhere, he woke up one morning and started to look at their situation a little differently. He assumed Soundwave was doing it because of who they used to be—not who they were now—it was out of habit, not out of love. 

He wanted to be loved like this by Soundwave, yes, but Starscream found it difficult to accept still when he thought of their many arguments; his memory banks, however, focused on the most recent one. His first and perhaps only attempt to tell Soundwave the truth. There was a weight to what Soundwave had said to him, the belief that he was correct on his analysis and interpretation of who he was deep down. He was a terrible person, always so full of distrust for others—who was he if not that?

It was difficult for him to look back on whatever Soundwave had been doing for him up until now and accept it was genuine; maybe it was done out of old feelings, guilt for calling him cruel among other things, or an interest in who the sire was if not him (apparently). And since asking himself what Soundwave’s motive was with him and the sparkling, Starscream was left questioning if anything they did was done for the right reasons, done for his sparkling.

He tried to imagine Soundwave was looking after and caring for him and his sparkling out of genuine love, but then it’d fall apart. Because then he would imagine Soundwave still did it because of what they were to each other once, and he just happened to be carrying without the sire around or willing to mention who it was—a guessing game of sorts, maybe. The both of them had said more than enough things to each other, all hurtful, all unapologetic in the moment, a tide and true consuming yet rolling force of nature. It’d be strange for Soundwave to behave this way without a motive to his spark. 

Perhaps it’s because of his own thoughts and internalized fears for the worst that he refused to accept Soundwave’s care no matter how nice it felt to have or linger on and tried to label it as pity to himself when he’s alone. He didn’t want to set him and his sparkling up for another long and slow drip of disappointment.

Meaning while he enjoyed the feeling that came with the belief that everything could work out in the end with his sparkling Soundwave, everyone around him was correct when they said Soundwave still loved him and all he had to do was tell him the same. He couldn’t admit it. He couldn’t openly admit it.

Starscream just couldn’t. He couldn’t see how someone like Soundwave could still genuinely love him; maybe their interactions (despite how good they were) as he carried his sparkling, had stirred his previous wounds again. There are days Starscream wants to slap himself in the mirror for acting so cowardly and selfish, and he’s not surprised when he can’t bring himself to. The salt of his wounds and actions still remains, and yet he wants to be forgiven and loved by Soundwave. He wants to be kissed and held again like it matters but couldn’t bring himself to ask for it or make a move for fear of rejection—ruining the delicate balance he and Soundwave had finally managed to form.

His failure of courage and willingness to court Soundwave still reared its ugly head when he watered his garden and Soundwave was nearby, and he tried to soothe those thoughts by reminding himself—they were never supposed to be more to them, and it’s enough of a miracle a sparkling exists because of them.

There’s a tenderness to the idea that all of his troubles and worries could’ve all been avoided if he still went for it, and the culmination of his current actions could’ve been avoided too. His sparkling wouldn’t have to be upset, he wouldn’t have to feel so scared about admitting the truth, and Soundwave wouldn’t have to be in this closet with him right now. The nagging reminder of why they may not even work in the end: their personalities had too many faults when put next to each other, and their love language as a result was naturally rather impulsive and corrosive.

In a perfect world, he wouldn't have to worry about that because he would have already accepted the idea that Soundwave deserved someone far better than him because of their past, and they'd have never gotten into this situation. But because they had, Starscream worried that any of the attempts Soundwave had made so far to try and get closer to him, for whatever reason, must have felt like chipping ice in the darkness—their current interactions around the sparkling were full of moments where they were still at odds with one another—fragile like thin glass. It was a game of tug-of-war with no end in sight, so full of pulling and constant dragging. 

Starscream felt his world was rather dark, and though the dark requires some form of light sooner or later to thrive, it’s rather difficult to find. His spark and mind are far too damaged to love Soundwave, which is something he fears deep down and struggles to perceive. And he would rather see Soundwave try to love someone else in the future; he wanted Soundwave to walk away before it was too late and the damage was irreparable for the both of them and the sparkling.

So, Starscream does what he knows best, perhaps all he’s ever known or understood about himself—believe that he is only destined to be alone in the end. Because he couldn’t imagine anything else, he knew exactly where he belonged, and it wasn’t by Soundwave’s side or his own happiness. 

“No, you’re doing this out of pity ,” Starscream said, bitterly. He tried to put on his best arrogant expression, dropping the tone of his voice until it became low and callous in nature. “And I hate it.”

“Pity?” Soundwave said, confused. He could barely make out Starscream’s thoughts; it was full of static whenever he tried to search, and if he got close enough, he was booted out almost immediately, so he focused on talking to him instead. “Soundwave is not.”

“Yes, pity. So, hurry up and go back to the way you used to treat me, Soundwave. Go back to looking down at me like you always do!”

Soundwave started to grow upset. “Starscream is making no sense. Pity? Insults? Soundwave is looking down on him? Wrong, Starscream is the one who called Soundwave to rub it in his faceplate that Starscream is carrying. Called to say he wasn’t the sire. Starscream is the one who has insulted and continues to insult Soundwave or acts strange.”

“Oh yes,” Starscream said. “Everything is my fault. It always is. Fine, I can accept that I’ve said and done horrible things to you because I was angry and upset. That it was unfair and childish of me to hurt you. But can you accept how many times you refuse to acknowledge that for once in your sorry excuse of a life? I don’t even mean to insult you sometimes!? That for as many times as I have insulted you, it’s because you insulted me first. Remember, you left first. Not me!”

“Soundwave did not leave without a good reason. He only said what he felt back then. Starscream should understand why things ended.”

“And I do. I understand more than anyone why you left.”

“Then why fight Soundwave so much?”

“Because it hurts my pride, Soundwave. It hurts my pride that you feel the need to even try to care for me like we’re still together. I hate that you remember how I like my energon in the morning. That you care about my weight. That you care to attend my doctor appointments with me. So, hurry up and get out before I make you,” Starscream said, lashing out.

He raised his head and started to look around, desperate for a way out of the closet he had been forced to share with Soundwave, but grew anxious when he realized Soundwave, for the remainder of their argument, had not let go of him, not even for a nanosecond, servos still pressed to his waist.

“We both know you want to leave right now, Soundwave. So let me go! Let me go so you can leave like you always do. You run and ignore whatever is making you upset when things get difficult. Then you come back like nothing has changed! You come back like I’m always the only one at fault for everything when you’re just as responsible!”

Soundwave, despite all the warnings in his optical vision, held onto Starscream. This time he reached for the seeker’s wrists and, to a varying degree, was successful until he felt something hit him and saw Starscream’s crinkled and soured expression. 

“I told you—” Starscream yelled out but was unable to finish his sentence when Soundwave slammed him into the wall.

“Calm down,” Soundwave said, tired of everything already. “Being angry is not good for the sparkling, Starscream.”

“What in the frag are you going on about again!” he snarled. “Sparking this. Sparkling that. What about me?!” 

“Starscream is always like this!” Soundwave said, his grip on Starscream tightened, and he continued to push the other against the wall with another harsh slam. “This is what Soundwave meant back then when he said Starscream doesn’t know how to love! That he only knows how to hurt others. Starscream is selfish, he’s loud, power-hungry, he’s cruel, he’s—”

“What,” Starscream said, laughing. “Finish your sentence, Soundwave. Tell me what else I am. Tell me everything I already know and hate about myself! Go on, remind me why we really broke up. Why can't you love me? Why can’t you imagine this sparkling loving me?”

Soundwave’s gaze became complicated, pools of coolant swimming in his optics, wobbling. He stared at Starscream, the seeker’s torn but accepting optics meeting him as if he understood every word, every insult, every memory that came behind it. “He is willing to sacrifice himself for others when he doesn’t need to. He cares for others but refuses to be direct. He’s…” 

But there was also a shake in Starscream’s EM field in response to what Soundwave said, an air of acceptance that was unavoidable, and an impulsiveness that was difficult to fake. And it is with all of that Soundwave struggles to finish his next sentence. A sentence that starts with “he’s” and ends with “mine,” but the words don’t come out. 

Soundwave started to frown. Why was he still in love with Starscream? His spark almost gave out at the thought, the realization that his feelings for Starscream would never truly fade like he feared. He still loved Starscream—for the possibility of something that went beyond aimless tolerance. He’d always believed his patience for Starscream had long run out, clear to its end, yet there it was still waiting for him like a budding flower—the shape of happiness. He was holding it. It was Starscream and his sparkling.

“He’s sure the sparkling does not belong to Soundwave?” He asks, no longer interested in finishing his original sentence like the seeker had demanded him to. “Starscream is absolute?”

“Do you want it to be yours?” Starscream asked. He lifted his chin and stared down at Soundwave. The tone of his voice was arrogant and full of insincerity, but it was the blue of his optics that truly gave him away. They were drowned in a sea of sadness or imagination of something that would happen—the inevitable. “Do you, Soundwave?”

“Yes,” Soundwave said, whispering. He dipped his head forward, optics trained on his lap, servos slipping from Starscream’s wrists and frame like a snake. The first white flag between them had finally been raised, the first of many signs of surrender. “He does. He really does, but even if it wasn’t Soundwaves, he’d still raise it. He asked Ratchet if it was possible when Starscream wasn’t looking once during an appointment, and he said, “It’s possible, but it’s not the easiest...”

Starscream stared at him as if trying to pick apart whatever hidden meaning or intent could’ve been disguised in those words, then laughed. “Maybe it’s a good thing that you don’t have to do all that because the sparkling is yours.”

“It—it is?”

“It’s not, it’s not…It’s not like I wanted to lie to you when we last spoke or never try to tell you. It just happened that way. I’m sorry. I really am.”

Soundwave, after hearing that, almost as if on instinct, tries to call Starscream out on how lying doesn’t work like that, but he stops himself after remembering how their conversations have always gone—both sides goading each other with barren, laced insults and imminent minefields. Perhaps Starscream truly had intended to tell him the truth that day when he first called him but had been blinded in a fit of anger, anger that had only erupted because of what Soundwave had said to him—called him cruel and told him no one would raise a family with him. And after that struggled to find the right opportunity to navigate the topic again or even broach it.

Soundwave bit his glossa and stared at Starscream. He starts to stare at the still and now quiet seeker who has shrunk in demeanor while his shoulders and servos shake. The final admittance that Soundwave was the sire all along has clearly stunned Starscream into near submission. He felt numb. And his optics occasionally flickered over to the door across from them or the wall that he had been thinking about breaking with a closed fist but stopped himself.

He didn’t want to think about why Soundwave and he were still crammed in a closet holding onto each other as if they were supposed to be more, or how the look on Soundwave’s faceplate was as if he were staring through his spark and the faint trace of feigned concern that must have been revealed behind it—he didn’t want it, any of it. His mind is full of unease, and he finally let Soundwave hear that.

“Starscream?” Soundwave asks softly but is ignored. “How long has Starscream known that Soundwave was the sire?”

“After you left Earth?” he said. “I could’ve been sparked before that, and there was no one else I’ve ever interfaced with. It’s always just been you.”

“Why didn’t Starscream tell Soundwave…?”

“Because I only found out after I was captured by the Autobots, and when I found out, I wasn’t sure if it was even alive because I hadn’t been eating a whole lot to support it… I tried to ignore it at first until I couldn’t. And then when I found out that it did survive and was going to be fine… I didn’t know what to do or how to contact you. And if I had? Was I supposed to have you come back to Earth for me? After you wanted to leave so badly? You’d have just thought I was lying or trying to get your attention like some crazy mech who can’t let go of his ex.”

Soundwave shook his head and leaned forward to cup Starscream’s faceplate. “No, Soundwave would have believed Starscream and come back to make sure he was okay.”

“Sure,” Starscream said as he tried to pull away from Soundwave’s grasp but couldn’t. “I’m sure you would’ve come back for me in a sparkbeat and made sure me and the sparkling were okay.”

Soundwave shifts around. His optics still focused on Starscream. “Yes. Soundwave would have. He would.”

“No, you wouldn’t have, Soundwave. Why? Because you’re right. I’m selfish for not telling you the truth until now. I’m cruel for lying to you for so long and taking advantage of your kindness. I’m controlling by making everyone keep it a secret from you and fighting them constantly when they said you should know, but I didn’t want you to know. I don’t—I don’t know what love is or how to love others. All I know is how to tear into others, control them, and hurt—you. So how can I love a sparkling? Your sparkling.” Starscream said, quietly, servos focused on where his sparkling resided. For once he missed how it would kick whenever it was upset at him or Soundwave and closed his optics. “But you? You know what love is, you know how to love others, and I know you will give them all of the love and care that they deserve, but not me, never me. Maybe that’s why I lied. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so scared to tell you the sparkling was yours all along.”

”Would Starscream believe Soundwave if he said that he still regrets leaving Starscream on Earth? That he has always been sorry for what was said in all of those arguments… Starscream not understanding what love is. That no one would want Starscream in the end or his sparkling.”

“I don’t know, Soundwave… I wish I knew.”

“Soundwave may claim to mean what he said. But the truth is he never did. He was just angry and upset like Starscream was. Angry and wanted to hurt Starscream. He’s sorry. Please forgive him.”

“You should be angry, though,” Starscream said, the palm of his servo held against Soundwave’s cheek as they stared at each other. “Angry that I said all of those horrible and vile things about you. Things that aren’t and will never be true about you.”

“Soundwave knows, and Starscream is forgiven.”

“You’re so naïve.”

“Mm,” Soundwave said, leaning almost subconsciously into Starscream’s palm, his touch cold but reminiscent. “No. He just knows Starscream is being genuine right now. He means it.” 

Starscream stared at him funny. “Why?”

“Because Starscream has shown nothing but care and love for his and Soundwave’s sparkling, for Soundwave, for his seekers, for Frenzy. He is capable…he will love his sparkling…his sparkling will love him. The sparkling will love Starscream with all its spark.”

“Sentimental fool.”

Notes:

I am amazed love can still exist
That is is you who stole me from all others without trying
I know, you and I are long finished
I know
I know, you may never hold me again or let me hold you
So, let me enjoy this a little longer please

Chapter 12: Nightingales

Notes:

ao3 curse attempted to take me...so I felt like releasing another chapter (I will probably be on another sporadic schedule after to recover)!

from now on there will be a lot of world building and ideas hatched from my own insane brain that was sprinkled throughout previous chapters/previous ES SoundStar related ffs (you don't need to have read em to understand things, but if you have, they're fun call backs to spot from here on out!)

​​Soundwave couldn’t help but think that today was a little strange.

He’d found an egg or an egg had found him—someone’s lost sparkling had found him. They had rolled in front of him as if out of nowhere, and he swore they even stared at him, rolled at him intentionally—they wanted to be around him. And when he held it, he realized that this egg was rather cold—so cold to the touch, the shell was frozen. This sparkling must want to be incubated right now, he thought, holding it in his servos.

Since learning the truth about Starscream’s sparkling always being his and encountering this lost but now found egg, Soundwave felt it was as if he was being reminded of something almost dear to him that had happened in the past. It has only happened once in his lifetime, long before the war when he was still a fighter of the pits, and maybe he had imagined it all, but he had experienced what was supposed to be considered the impossible—he came into possession of an egg before, or rather he had carried sparkling. He had been a carrier once.

It was probably his only and first experience being the benefactor of a sparkling, later egg, one that was must have been born from a one-night stand he had with a random flight mech from Vos, a seeker of all people before when he was still a gladiator. Before he was known as Soundwave the Decepticon’s faithful intelligence and communications officer, acting as Megatron’s right-hand He was Soundwave the apprentice of Megatronus, the bringer of freedom, and the rainier of energon.

Soundwave couldn’t remember the seeker he met from Vos much now. He couldn’t remember their faceplate, or if they even had one, just how they’d met and the name he heard back then—and if he could meet them again now, he would have asked why that encounter of all things had led to a sparkling—something that should’ve been impossible for him. He didn’t hate them for getting him sparked. He didn’t hate what had happened either when he realized he had a sparkling to care for at the time. He just wished things had happened a little differently or that it could have happened to him again (the sparking), but with Starscream.

Someone he wouldn’t have minded carrying a sparkling for and had wanted to, like he had before with someone else once, someone he could barely recall until now or think back on—almost fondly out of respect for the spark they had created, the one he loved alone and missed to the bottom of his spark. Perhaps what irked him the most was that he was never able to get sparked again or display the proper instincts to be sparked when he was with Starscream.

Because a sparkling had never happened between him and Starscream when he wanted it the most, nor did the correct carrier protocols ever deploy for him to have carry a sparkling and when he asked if it was possible upon returning to Cybertron—he was told odds to become create a new spark had never been in his favor due to his poor diet and upbringing in Kaon—perhaps though that was on purpose, Ratchet had said to him. When he first was told that, it only furthered his belief that he wasn’t supposed to carry or sire a sparkling, long after he had ended his relationship with Starscream, but if he could have maybe the ending between them would’ve changed. Yet, it seemed he had just enough luck behind him to spark and raise a sparkling with Starscream and change it.

When Soundwave was younger and felt the days ran too fast on Cybertron. He would sneak out occasionally, scale the walls and roofs that felt like a cage to him and leap from it to see the streets of Kaon. It wasn’t any different when he met the random flight mech from Vos. He’d been in the middle of a self-performed stake out to people watch back then, it was another self-assigned mission to purchase some of the sweets he liked to eat, but struggled to afford as a sparkling.

Even as an up-and-coming gladiator—at the time—he found it hard to afford extra amenities, let alone how to find the time to get some for himself to eat in secret. His master at the time liked to keep a watchful eye on him—they said eating too much outside food would spoil his need to fight or perform for the crowds. A full gladiator didn’t need to fight as hard—they would only know how to pretend—the last thing people came from all over Cybertron to see was a gladiator that was a one trick cog.

It'd been an impulsive decision on his part to leave that night. He’d been arguing with Ravage about something, but by now the reason for such an explosive argument has been lost to time, he doesn’t wish to revisit or dredge it up. It was childish and based on his need to once again see what the world looked like that day—what was supposed to be beyond his world of bloodshed and roaring cheers. What he wanted to experience one day when free. So, he found himself, standing on some random metal branch of a street pole, covered by the shadows and foliage nearby, he was overlooking the streets of Kaon, mask-less at the time—he hadn’t earned the right to cover his faceplate yet—but he was covered in a decent number of scars and chipped parts by then. Anyone who saw him could tell he was a fierce warrior with a reputation to back it if they got in his way—so he was ignored often and left alone. In Kaon, the strong were to be respected when out and about unless you were willing to scrap and possibly lose a limb or two for challenging.

But he slipped after that, slipped from where he had been perched and landed on top of a random mech—a seeker of all things from Vos was the one to break his fall and avoid splatting on the ground. The seeker even started speaking to him in a thick Vosian dialect, it was difficult for him to understand at the time, his knowledge of the world was still rather small back then. He was poor in speaking anything from Vos (at the time) despite the two areas being almost situated near each other, separated by a tall border, but there’s still enough overlap in tones to hold a conversation despite the language barrier.

The local dialect spoken in Vos was far sweeter and more trill-like compared to the rough and baritone coarse nature of Kaonian people. It sounded more kittenish to him by the time he realized the stranger he had landed on must have been cursing him out or trying to rip him a new piece of metal for crushing him the way he had. After all, he was still sitting on top of him and the seeker was starting to realize he didn’t understand a lick of what he said. Not a single chirp or click.

But how was that swearing , he thought, deciding that the seeker in front of him should consider himself lucky to have bumped into him instead. If he saw how Kaon mechs handled conflict, his bio lights would get knocked out faster than he could use his mouth to shriek, and maybe he wouldn’t have been so full of anger, but punches. When people from Kaon got into arguments in the streets or the pits, it wasn’t uncommon for helmets to knock against one another, for servos clang to clash, followed with even swifter movements, it was like a dance of death or love some would say from afar.

There were many people in the marketplace today, most vendors of this area came out at night when it was cooler, far less hot compared to the daytime, the lights, however, would be out. But most mechs from Kaon had developed their own adjustments to the changing environment—only the upper class could afford better lighting and living conditions, those left behind and ignored had to make do with the leftovers, he was one of them. There were no exceptions.

Soundwave stood up, ignoring the still annoyed and swearing seeker, his wings were shivering, the color blue flushing his dark gray colored cheeks, and yet he continued to stare at him as if he had been struck by something strange—not that he cared. He was on a mission. He’d won a rather large match today and been given a few spoils as a reward for his work. As it turned out, he had been betted against, thought to lose, but proved them all wrong. He showed them who they should’ve been betting on, not against. A subtle craving appeared after that satisfying win, he wanted something sweet, sweeter than the mush he was given in return for the crowd’s praise, crisper than the blocks of energon they gave them, it was always left overs anyway. In a city with far more, lower class mechs than higher class mechs and the only meaning behind your name was what was left of your family.

He had always thought there was supposed to be more than that though, so he sought more, he chased for it like the stories his carrier had told him of when he was still a sparkling in her optics—he wanted to know what it was like beyond the pits, if it was really like she had said was. She had said the world was vast and euphoric.

He then felt something tap on his shoulder all of the sudden and when he turned around, the seeker from before had approached him. This time, however, he wore an annoyed expression on his faceplate, lips downturned into a singular pout as if calculating something, scanning him up and down. “You—”

The seeker gasps before his sentence finished, it’s impossible to have finished it, not when he’s pressed faster to the ground than any mech can comprehend by the blue stealth bomber mech, or that everyone else who’s passed by since his unfortunate flip and press into the ground is ignored as if this is normal.

“You have something of mine,” the seeker said, finishing what he had intended to say. His voice now muffled due to the dirt in his mouth and maybe the accent that coats his glossa, but it’s understandable enough to Soundwave to hear there was an attempt to communicate with him respectfully—he had tried to speak the local dialect of Kaon to him, but was cut off earlier.

“No,” Soundwave said, curtly to the seeker in response. “I don’t.”

He frowns and tries to maintain a look of annoyance, his optics occasionally glancing back at the cart he had been steps away from walking up to until he was interrupted. He’s confused on what this seeker means about him having something of his, it’s even more frustrating when the clear growl from his chambers can be heard by both of them. Soundwave wants to shake this seeker for all he’s worth, but then that means his favorite vendor may have already packed up and left.

“Yes,” the seeker insisted again. His servo tries to point at something despite his current position, the feeling of being hung upside down like a dried piece of metal hasn’t deterred him from gesturing at the thing that’s landed on the other mech's head without notice. “You have my plant—! Right there. Look!”

But instead of being given it, the seeker was dropped to the ground and ignored, the plant, however, did manage to fall off amidst the chaos, so Soundwave thought they were even for the most part. Until he noticed the seeker had followed after him again—maybe for another beating.

The seeker is still poor in speaking the local dialect of Kaon given by how he stumbles in his words and servo gestures, but he tries to express himself again despite it all. “Can I buy you something?” he asks, embarrassed.

Soundwave squinted, finials twitching with every nano second that passed between him and the seeker, debating if he should agree or not. It’s clear that this isn’t someone who’s from here, from how he talks and dresses, even his paint is rather metallic in color—the majority of his frame is white, but there are pieces of red and black littered throughout—but it didn’t look like his natural palette either. Maybe he had got new paint. Must be loaded with money or stupid, he thought.

The seeker spreads his servos out, palms open in front of him, oblivious to the other mech’s perception of him and self-anointed analysis. His blue optics were a little wide and his cheeks still smudged earlier from their one-sided scuffle of power, but still he said, “Think of it as thanks for not…robbing me earlier.”

Soundwave stared at him a little longer, annoyed with the sudden label that’d been slapped on him without permission. What robbery? If he had wanted to rob the seeker, he would have done it without landing on him. But when he considers how much shanix he has on him when shown a peak of it, and how much he felt was on the seeker when pinning him to the ground before hanging him upside down by a single ankle, he pretends to think a little more before agreeing and continuing his journey to get something sweet.

A steaming plate of hot food was placed in front of them, but Soundwave was too busy to care if the restaurant owner said to wait a little. It nearly burns the roof of his mouth when he starts to eat, spoon in servo, seeker to his right chatting up the sweet old femme mech in front of them. Soundwave still doesn’t know who’s paying for his food yet, or how much anything is, he doesn’t care to ask either, or give his thanks in return for it. Not yet at least.

Earlier the seeker had offered to buy him something more substantial to eat after seeing how he had been trying to savor and eat at the sweets that’d been handed to him—pieces of energon candy wrapped in a dirty sheet of aluminum. And he accepted it on the guise that the seeker didn’t seem too versatile in battle, let alone someone who knew his way around the back alleyways and sewers of Kaon. But then he proved to have some knowledge when they arrived at some small hole in the wall—if not for the tempting smell of food or warm welcome by the owner, Soundwave would’ve knocked the seeker out and fled with his things.

Once they’d entered it felt like a whole different world to Soundwave, the food there was made out of ingredients that he had seen before, but had never tasted, not like this—it was different yet familiar to his sensors. Perhaps it was because the owner said her sire was from a region of Vos that bordered Kaon almost directly and had taught her how to cook at a young age. Every loud clunk, loud shout, loud laugh, Soundwave felt at home while the seeker in front of him stared at the menu and started to order, he spoke like he had been there before.

“Didn’t your carrier teach you better?” the seeker said, lazily. “Better than to shove food into your mouth like that?”

He had a servo wrapped around his drink and was in the middle of taking a sip before looking at him. His bright blue optics almost pierced Soundwave’s stoic expression forcing it to become something of embarrassment as if he had just been picked apart in a single sentence.

“No,” Soundwave said. He lowered his head, stirring his food, hesitant to look into the seeker’s gaze.

“Why not?” the seeker asks, annoyed. He leaned forward to get a better look at his new companion, trying to ignore the lurch in his spark whenever their optics lock, something happened when this mech landed on him, but he’s not sure what yet. But he’s frustrated by the call of his wires to take care of this person, to make sure they were okay. “Is that not something that’s taught here?”

“My carrier never got a chance to teach me manners.”

“What?”

“My carrier was sold to someone of the upper class when I was young. She said she was going somewhere… adventure, I had to find her later. But as I got older and pressed the people around me to learn where she really went…to find her, they said she was sold to one of the elites of the city. They said I was the one they wanted to purchase, but she insisted that it’d be her instead. Not me. She begged and pleaded to not let me be sold and hid me to make sure they couldn’t go back on their word.”

The seeker fell silent upon hearing that and sighed. “My carrier passed away actually, I just finished burying her. She was sick. She’s been sick ever since having me. The doctors said her frame was too weak to carry, but she was stubborn. So stubborn in fact, she fired them all and got a new doctor to take care of her.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Soundwave said, murmuring. He still didn’t know what had happened to his carrier at the time, if she was alive or not, if she was okay. And he couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to bury her. An immense feeling of sadness soon washed over him at the thought of her like that. How he would handle it, if he could.

“Where I come from, we don’t pray to Primus or ask for him to protect our loved ones, we pray to the stars instead,” the seeker said, softly. “But when my carrier started to decline again after moons of showing subtle improvements in her health…I asked the stars not to take my carrier so soon from me.”

Soundwave raised his head, meeting the seeker’s somber gaze. “And did they listen?”

“No, they took her even faster as if to mock me for asking,” the seeker said, bitterly. He leaned back and stared to the side, out a window. “Sometimes, I wonder why my carrier insisted till her death, I was worth having.”

“Life is like that,” Soundwave said. “It isn’t fair… again sorry for your loss…” He felt embarrassed, the seeker was still unnamed, yet here they were exchanging details and sharing a meal together—neither knowing the other's name.

“███████.”

“███████?”

“My name,” the seeker said, nodding. “It’s ███████. ”

“Soundwave,” he said back. “It’s Soundwave.”

Maybe it just the name the seeker gave, but Soundwave thought it was unique at first when he heard it, but then he never heard it again, not even after Megatron had left him in charge of recruiting mechs for their new and rising cause at the time—the Decepticons—Soundwave never heard anything like it again, nor could he remember how to spell it or ask around.

He did remember how the seeker had said his name phonetically, however, and it sounded like Ulchtie to him, so maybe that’s why he remembered it that way or assumed that was the seeker’s name. Soundwave thought his accent sounded rather romantic as well when he spoke to him more back then—he liked it enough to stay a little longer with him after they finished their meal, but not enough to stay very long when he realized it was time to go—realized he had be caught and beaten by his master for sneaking out if he came back too late. Let alone come back from sneaking out and managing to hook up with someone.

It was a brief and fleeting affair. He remembered admitting that to Ulchtie, who promised to show him a good time, bringing him close. They did so after they'd already about their lives, bumping their foreheads against one another, laughing at the small intricacies and differences of their worlds and lives.

Ulchtie had described to him what Vos was like, the extravagance of their festivals and celebrations. He could only recall how strange it all sounded at first, but then again, his only real experience with Vos and its culture was through Ulchtie that night and whenever he would see visitors from Vos in the audience—more if the Great Migration had rolled around that week when he had a match to fight in or was set to prepare for—a culmination of celebration and love. He only learned more on his own time or through Starscream and his seekers. There was also the way Soundwave thought the Ulchtie carried himself was good in those moments, he was envious of his background in a way, of his apparent and described character in society—an aristocrat from Vos, someone who’d been given more than enough, but Soundwave also thought he was clearly missing something in his life, but wasn’t sure what.

A sparkling was born from their impromptu and spontaneous love affair following that. A sparkling—then later egg showed up in front of him one morning. Random, but special—the sparkling showed up cycles before he adopted or met Rumble and Frenzy, and rattled against the outer layer of his tape deck as a single blue egg. As if they'd been trying to be acknowledged by him with a simple nudge, yet despite how weak they seemed, it was enough to stir whatever dull root of carrier instincts should’ve been snuffed out of his frame by the time he was old enough to carry. And he was overcome with happiness.

What was supposed to have been done to prevent such a precarious scenario from happening. Despite all the odds, he had found himself sparked—he had been able to carry a sparkling after all—maybe ten cycles after his fateful meeting with Ulchtie. He didn’t try to question it, his master had made it impossible for him to learn how sparklings actually occurred or what was considered normal, anything he did learn came from the carriers of the past, the ones Soundwave had met once and seen leave in sheets of metal—it wasn’t safe for carriers to show, let alone have a sparkling, if discovered young enough—then they were either sold or fed to the beasts fueled with dark energon. Realizing that the egg that sat in front of him contained a sparkling—the one he felt pinging and calling for him to acknowledge them through his spark. He had tried to leave it somewhere safe from then on, hidden underneath old rocks and pieces of scrap metal in his sleeping quarters if it could even have been called that until he could make a proper nest for it to sleep in.

By then because he was one of the more prominent and well-known gladiators, he was given a little more leeway in where he slept, more privacy—no one would raid his quarters—something he had to learn was always going to be a prominent issue or hot topic for discussion. It wasn’t until he had officially earned the reputation as Soundwave the brutal gladiator in the pits with the track record and scarring to prove it. Was he allowed control over his appearance again outside of matches and during, to dawn a mask—he thrived. And he was more than grateful for that because that meant most mechs knew better than to intrude on his alone time.

That gave him the time he needed to be alone and care for his egg after his weekly matches. He looked forward to seeing it, the light of his life in a way. He later made it a nest out of whatever he had been able to find and barter on his own time, decorating their living space with whatever he had managed to swipe and keep from his night with Ulchtie before leaving as well. A souvenir of sorts he took back then to remember the seeker since he said this was his last time visiting Kaon, the borders allowing travel would close soon—they’d probably never meet again. It’d taken him some time to find it all again due to how long it’d been and the change in his living situation over the cycles. If he didn’t leave his egg there then he would leave it in his tape deck to incubate a little while he recharged or ate in secret.

He loved that sparkling. And he would’ve fought to keep that sparkling around—content not knowing or understanding how they’d even managed to survive for so long in his frame or come to exist without his knowledge of their mere existence as he fought to survive in the pits—going as far as to nickname it his egg baby. Soundwave liked to think of them both as survivors. Though by then he couldn’t recall much about Ulchtie, it was enough to tell his sparkling about them.

He felt his egg baby liked to stay by his side or inside his tape deck, a thunderous little thing, he would say to it. They would rattle and shake whenever he came back from a match in the pits—but quiet down if he was injured and in need of silence. But they would also try to roll over to him for comfort and he loved his egg baby for it. He spoke to it a lot, imagined what he could teach it in the future whenever it hatched, and wondered what the sex of them would end up being when hatched.

Sometimes they played hide and seek, his egg baby didn’t seem to like the game much to his initial disappointment, but Soundwave had always felt it was necessary for his sparkling to learn by the time they hatched or before they hatched, in case someone broke into his quarters while he was out, or someone felt brave enough to try to raid him for scraps and found it. Maybe now that he had an egg (or sparkling) to look after, he understood why his carrier insisted on the importance of learning how to stay out of sight and out of harm’s way while she left to go fight and earn them both something to eat.

But then as if out of nowhere he was forced to consider the startling fact that his egg had vanished one day—it was a tragedy of sorts. At the time he wondered if someone had discovered his little secret and realized he wasn’t supposed to have a sparkling or worse someone had taken it after realizing what it was a sparkling, and killed it, maybe sold it. The egg he had always imagined hatching one day might not actually be someone with whom he could spend a lifetime with or look forward to seeing. Soundwave still remembered how he felt that day, how Ravage had found him when he discovered it was no longer in his living quarters.

She didn’t say anything, nor did she ask why he had been on the floor, instead she just began to lick his clenched and dented servos until he found the strength to look at her and asked if she saw anyone recently with an egg, or heard of a sparkling being found while he was gone. However, she could only shake her head to indicate no to him, and it felt as if his spark had torn into two that day, and his world crumbled with it.

Then for the next few cycles, maybe stellar cycles, Soundwave continued to be curious if any of the sparklings he would see enter the pits were his most distant and long-lost egg. But he never found out. And when he was still a gladiator in the pits fighting against a mech that would've been his sparkling’s age if they’d survived long enough to hatch, if so, he would wonder if he was the one responsible for their end. Some days, he liked to imagine his egg had made it out on its own without him, someone found his sparkling in his place, raised them safely, away from his world of energon and anger. His sparkling had discovered freedom in his place.

There were also times as he grew older that thought of his sparkling struggling to survive or had already died because of the war he helped to start, engaged in, became a figure of it. All his life, Soundwave thought of what happened to his sparkling, why they vanished so suddenly as an egg, if he caused them to leave, but he never did find out what happened—ashamed to know he may never know where it went or if it was still alive. Sad to know he could barely recall if it was real or what Ulchtie looked like, or how to tell him what happened. He thought about going to go and find him once when the borders to Vos opened again, but it was only for a moon, and he had already taken in Rumble and Frenzy. The timing wasn't right. He had too many fights lined up and new sparklings to protect.

So he forced himself to stop thinking about his previous sparkling and Ulchtie, after he forced himself to build it a grave when he learned what freedom tasted like, after he forced himself to stop thinking about it, diverting the rest of his thoughts and attention to those who were still around and tangible, who were there and real—his cassettes, the Decepticons, Starscream. But when he lost Rumble and the Decepticons, and cut himself from Starscream. Those same old thoughts about what happened to his missing egg appeared again and began to haunt him and his dreams like broken fragments—the memory of his sparkling. The existence of someone he had long forgotten and thought may not even have existed in the end—his spark still called for it to return, to reveal itself to him like he asked. So did his belief that it did exist and loved him.

He would have died or killed Unicron himself, if it meant knowing where his first sparkling went, if they were okay after leaving him, if they even existed, or if his desire to have a sparkling was just one long dream. A long dream he had finally woke up from after moons and moons of believing in he had been sparked and took care of another life. Soundwave wanted to know if his master had lied to him back then and if they had caused him to starve for a different purpose. If it was possible that his frame was always capable of creating life and did create life once back then with a little outside help. If the proof that he had always been capable of beating the odds was real, if the odds created to limit and break him had long been shattered. Was it actually possible or a mere delusion? Soundwave still wonders if he actually had a sparkling once before the war, if he had actually become a carrier to one?

“Hello,” Soundwave said, softly. He stares at the egg that sits in his servos, admiring its shell. “Does your carrier know you’re missing right now? You must be so cold. Soundwave will help warm you in their place for now.”

This egg was a black-like color with tints of red and orange, round and sharp, but large. It almost looked a lot like his previous egg baby in size. The egg didn’t move after that, it stayed in his arms, and allowed itself to be stored into his tape deck with practiced ease like this had been planned all along—tumbling slowly and basking in the new warmth as it docked into place. Occasionally it’d still roll around after that, kissing the edge of his deck, the door to it as if to see the world again, but Soundwave grew fearful, afraid he would lose this egg and ignored its request to eject.

“Not now, not now,” he said. “Maybe when we find who you belong to.”

Soundwave then remembered how he had already promised to raise the sparkling that’d been created between him and Starscream—ashamed he had felt the need to take in a random egg out of nowhere, he felt a little faint in his circuitry. Would Starscream accept him wanting to find who this sparkling belonged to and if they couldn't figure who, or at least find the sparkling's carrier, would he be okay with the both of them taking it in? He tried to run through all types of different scenarios before coming to the astute conclusion that it was more than probable. Thundercracker had been found as an abandoned egg once according to her.

The blue seeker said by chance, she had rolled out of the safe nest box she was left in or placed and hatched in front of Starscream and from then on, they’d become inseparable—a family—despite how much effort it’d taken Thundercracker to be accepted or allowed to appear in front of the older seeker. Feeling a little hopeful, Soundwave went off to find Thundercracker and ask her about it a little more.

“He used to drop energon crumbs for me on the ground like this,” Thundercracker said. She pinched her digits together before rubbing them together, it looked like she was feeding pigeons or something when Soundwave watched her demonstration. “Which sounds mean at first, but he said I had a tiny gastro-chamber, so I wasn’t supposed to eat much. Also, he said I ate weirdly. Wouldn’t eat from spoons or servos, only off of the ground! He blames whoever made me because I must have gotten it from them,” she giggled.

“Crumbs? Ate weird?” Soundwave said. He tried to imagine it, but all he could think of was an annoyed Starscream who had his head turned and a servo pointed at the ground while little energon seeds fluttered down and a tiny Thundercracker tried to pick them up. “Is this why Thundercracker is so tiny? Because of Starscream’s… methods of sparkling care?” He frowned.

“No. Trust me, Slipstream and Sun Storm tried to chew him out about why it looked like I wasn’t growing! But my doctor said it’s probably because my carrier didn’t get to eat much when they were carrying me…Starscream thinks it’s because I took forever to emerge or develop my frame. But who knows? “

“Soundwave understands.”

“I think Starscream did his best though! In his defense, I did kind of knock him over when I was still an egg and hatch in front of him. My first words to him were, ‘Are you, my care?’ Obviously, he said no, but I still followed after him like he was!”

Soundwave nodded. “Thundercracker is brave and strong. Soundwave hopes his sparkling will be the same.”

“I know everyone thinks Starscream won’t be a good carrier, but I think he’ll be a good one. I’m probably biased though because he practically raised me.”

“Did Thundercracker have a good sparkhood?”

Thundercracker paused. “Sort of? I had a lot of people around to raise me, not just Starscream, but he was the one who made sure I got what I needed in the end, everyone else just made sure he wasn’t extorting me.” She laughed as if what she had said was still a fresh memory to her.

“Extorting?” Soundwave asks. If left to his own devices, perhaps he had already have mentally mapped out what kind of things Starscream had made Thundercracker do. He felt a little peeved at the thought of a young Thundercracker being mistreated—she was rather cute, so cute that there were days Soundwave wanted to put her in his tape deck, but she was too big to fit inside.

“Oh—!” Thundercracker said. She put her servos in the air and shook her head. “It wasn’t anything bad. He just told me to help him carry his stuff sometimes when he was running between classes. “Skywarp’s carrier used to say if Starscream really didn’t want me, she’d take me in herself, but he never said he’d let her or that he wanted her to take me. He’s like that. He’ll act one way, but say another thing!”

“Starscream is like that he is stubborn.”

“Yeah, but he cares… in his own weird way. I never felt lonely when he was around and whenever I got sick, he made sure I got better.”

Soundwave nodded. Starscream though strange at times, he had always made sure that Thundercracker was safe, if she ate enough, held her in his arms when sick or times were tough during the war. And he missed it. The sweet and indulgent sensation of care, energon in the morning, stellar cycles ago, he can still feel that sensation of that care from afar—how it’d extended to him—in different ways. Starscream would ask if Soundwave ate enough, he made sure that he and his cassettes were never without comfort or shelter when times were rough. He could imagine how it’d extend to their sparkling. He’d seen it already as they spent more time eating, watching movies, and sleeping together.

“Can Soundwave ask Thundercracker something important?”

“Yes!”

“How do seekers have sparklings? Soundwave never got the chance to ask Starscream. Because he has been too preoccupied about something. He tore up his living quarters, nest, and chased Soundwave off when he asked what Starscream was looking for this morning.”

“Oh—!” Thundercracker said, embarrassed. She leaned on the balls of her pedes and avoided Soundwave’s stringent gaze. “He’s…looking for your sparkling right now…like since this morning actually. They went missing.”

“Looking…? Missing…?” Soundwave said, surprised. “Did the sparkling vanish?”

“Well, Starscream said the sparkling should be an egg right about now, but for whatever reason…kind of vanished…when he wasn’t looking, so he’s been a little hay-wire since then trying to find it.”

“Does Starscream’s missing egg happen to look like this?” Soundwave asks, opening his tape deck to reveal the egg he had been incubating earlier and had found on his own, or it’d found him. “Soundwave found it earlier this morning, it came to him first.”

“Giver of stars!” Thundercracker exclaimed. “That's—wait so all those stories Slipstream told me about eggs that like to find its sire were true? I should go and tell her."

“Stories…? What stories?”

“There are stories that eggs that like to roll around, get lost, no one knows where they go, but sometimes people say they go and find their sire if they’re not around. But…” she said, hesitating.

“But what?”

“That means Starscream must have been thinking about you a lot while the sparkling was still growing in his chamber before it became an egg, or at the very least was talking to the sparkling about you a bunch, so it realized you were its sire. Otherwise, it wouldn’t know where you were or who found it.”

“Oh,” Soundwave said. He felt confused still, but also upset at himself again for what he had said to Starscream before. There were so many things he wanted to take back, scared that his sparkling must have heard all of it at some point in time, or felt Starscream’s distress because of it.

“Actually,” Thundercracker said, quietly. She kept her optics on the ground before lifting her head to look at him. “I’ve been thinking about something.”

“Thundercracker has?”

“I’ve been wanting to apologize to you for not saying anything about the sparkling. As in, Starscream didn’t want me or Ravage to tell you the truth at first. He insisted on telling you himself, but chickened out a few times. Even Frenzy figured it out because she noticed how much he’d been…making sure she ate enough when he saw her at the zoo.”

Soundwave frowned. “Everyone knew the sparkling was Soundwaves but didn’t say? How long.”

“I knew the moment I came to Earth. Frenzy and Laserbeak always had their theories about it, but Ravage only found out the day Starscream called you. She’s the reason Starscream called you. He was never going to tell you, or thought he could. I think it’s because he was just scared to, but then you guys started arguing and he said the wrong thing.”

“Soundwave still feels bad for what he said to Starscream that day. About the sparkling.”

“I know,” Thundercracker answered, rubbing the back of her neck. “I overheard your argument with him that day when…we trapped you guys in the closet. Sorry about that too.” She tried to bow, but was stopped.

“There are no hard feelings,” Soundwave said. He sighed after that. “Trapping us in the closet was probably for the best, however, Soundwave is sorry you and everyone else had to hear his and Starscream’s argument, it’s not good for younger mechs to hear. Not a good example. But Soundwave understands why Starscream was upset, why he was hurt and scared to tell the truth.”

“Soundwave?”

“Yes?”

“Do you still…”

Soundwave felt his finials shoot up when he realized what Thundercracker had been hinting at or where her thoughts were heading. “Yes,” he said, embarrassed. “Soundwave is still in love with Starscream, but he is unsure if it is reciprocated.”

“I think it is,” Thundercracker said, smiling. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Soundwave’s back, her cheek pressed to his tape deck. “I think it always was, you guys are just too stubborn to admit it.”

“And Thundercracker is too cute not to fit into Soundwave’s tape deck. He is still sad she won’t”

“Maybe if I was your sparkling, I’d fit just fine,” she jokes, laughing a little while Soundwave put a servo on her helmet to rub it and stare at her. He tilts his head while she continues, “No, but sometimes I do wish I was your sparkling. I think it’d be cool to have you or Starscream be my carrier.”

“Thundercracker is still looking for her carrier?” Soundwave asks, curious.

He’d always known the blue seeker was curious about her carrier—the mech who’d abandoned her as an egg, left her with nothing but a name and some tidbits of knowledge before their bond was terminated or lost to time.

In the past, Soundwave would catch Thundercracker staring off into the sky and asking Skywarp what it was like to have a carrier around. She would poke and prod her purple trine mate about it, desperate to know what she had been missing out on because Starscream though parental—acted more like a pseudo figure of care in her life, he was her family, the one who raised her since she was a hatchling like a sire, but she always wondered who gave her up before she met Starscream and why they gave her up. Why did they change their mind? Why did they terminate their bond with her?

“Sort of…I think it’d be cool to know where I came from, but at the same time I could care less really? I’m already happy with how things turned out because I have you, Starscream, my trine, the cassettes…the sparkling on the way. I’m home. You guys are my home.”

“Thundercracker is Soundwave’s home too. He is lucky to have met and known her.”

Notes:

There’s so little to dissect now
But you
You stand there as if I was once yours
Have you finally realized it?
So far beyond our casual flings
So much time spent wondering
I hope you continue to ponder things
For it is what I have long tortured myself over before
Now it is your turn
My last and final gift to you

Chapter 13: The Second Going

Starscream was starting to go insane—more insane than usual today. Ever since his sparkling, now egg had gone missing, he had been struggling to sit still or recharge properly, and no one seemed to knew where his sparkling was either. He had already tried to interogate every mech he could get his servos on since his egg had vanished, but they had all said the same thing to him; they didn’t know where his egg was, or that he even had an egg to begin with to start.

He started to pinch the bridge of his nose out of anger, the signs of an oncoming migraine starting to work its way through his neural network. The process of developing his sparkling and helping them get used to producing a hard shell around their soft frame had already done a number on his root mode. Gradually, the weight he had already gained to carry his sparkling became a double-edged sword to him.

Before it had been tolerable due to how often he could feel his sparkling kick or mess with his vents, but when they reached the egg stage and needed time to stabilize, he found it harder to balance on his own pedes overtime, forced to borrow Soundwave as a walking aid. The shell of his sparkling’s egg had started to increase in size and density as well with his armor and canopy. It became more taxing to eat anything as they stole his appetite. 

For a while it felt like there was a bowling ball in his inner chambers, his sparkling had squished all of his wires, circuits, sensors by the time they were inside of their shell. Starscream found it difficult to get mad at the culprit when it finally appeared and was nestled in his arms. His sparkling had appeared overnight and in front of him, finally as an egg, and they had woken him up with a few rough slams.

It seemed even as an egg, his sparkling had kept the same form of stubbornness they had exhibited in his pseudo womb—ramming at their carrier every time he was about to do something they didn’t approve of or refused to discuss their sire in a proper and more spark felt light. Like sleeping in, or not telling Soundwave immediately that they had arrived that morning, so they left on their own to be silly. His sparkling must have thought it’d be funny to vanish and give their carrier a good scare.

It'd taken him a while to realize it, but Starscream had realized it was more than likely that his sparkling had made or had probably found its way to Soundwave after spending what felt like his entire morning to try to find them. He also had considered not telling Soundwave that something important of theirs had arrived then went missing—for fear it’d just stress the both of them out instead of one.

Starscream thought it would’ve been hard to explain to Soundwave anyway how he had lost track of their sparkling while they resided inside a single and giant egg—after all some sparklings did do that, they liked to roll away and get lost—he had done it before. He also wasn’t sure if eggs from Kaon had a similar habit or method of escaping from their carriers but he knew it was a joke in Vos by carriers to put a tracker on their egg or they’ll run away when you’re not looking.

Slipstream though not a carrier would often find her sparklings trying to follow after her while their carriers—Acid Storm and Sun Storm—tore up labs and gardens trying to find them. She liked to joke her sparklings were little menaces while holding them, at least until her frantic trine members remembered to check in with her and ask if she knew were their sparklings had gone off. Starscream after having to take care of those said ‘little menaces’ by the time they could fly and abuse their familiar closeness with him couldn’t help, but think she was right. Skywarp and Nova Storm had a habit for causing chaos. They had an even better knack of abusing it as well.

In comparison, Starscream still remembers how his carrier would complain he was a needy egg. She said he would practically vanish, turn into thin air, or end up in places he shouldn’t have been like under her berth. He liked his sire as well, maybe a bit too much, he liked how his sire would hold and incubate him in her arms, so he sought her presence and EM field almost constantly, so much so his sire’s friends would jokingly ask if she was actually a carrier, not a sire. Simpler times.

Eventually his suspicions of where his egg had gone were only but confirmed when Thundercracker came running to him later that afternoon. She had been running so fast when coming over to tell him, the only thing Starscream had been able to decipher from the conversation was that he would need to buff out some dents and fix his paint job after she left. She had practically run him over before realizing that she needed him standing and not on the floor, her servos shaking him by the shoulders as he started to regain his footing.

Starscream felt his entire frame go back and forth, the whole room around him spinning, followed by a rapid fire of words that could only be described as something that sounded like a curse to him.

“Thundercracker. Calm down,” he said, annoyed. Starscream handed her a cube of energon, he started to furrow the bridges of his optics in response to the shake in her wings. It was clear she knew something, but what? He rubbed his faceplate.

“I found your egg—!” she finally said with a gasp. “Soundwave has your sparkling—I mean they found him, they found him this morning and he’s been holding onto them since then in his tape deck. He’s incubating your egg. He even showed me!”

Starscream frowned. Turns out he was right. His brat had indeed found its way to Soundwave and was now comfortably incubated in his tape deck as it was unaware of the stress it’d been causing its carrier all morning but if Soundwave knew the egg was his? Starscream was hesitant to ask.

“He knows it’s your egg by the way,” Thundercracker added. She raised a servo forward and poked a digit at his nose. His optics went wide as she continued. “I told him, so don’t even think about arguing with him about it! The proof is in the data, Starscream. I mean—egg.”

“I got it, I got it,” he murmured. “My egg is safe. My egg is with Soundwave. And now I have to go talk to him about it. Happy?”

“I’d be happier if you guys got back together.”

“Isn’t it enough that we’re on speaking terms and raising a sparkling together?”

“No, no it isn’t,” Thundercracker said, huffing. “It is so obvious you guys should try dating again, but won’t!”

Starscream crossed his arms and stared at her with a glaring gaze. “If this is because Soundwave and I haven’t found the time to read your little scripts about us again—"

“It isn’t. I mean you guys should read them because they’re good, but I just think…there is still some potential between you guys. I know…the argument between you two in the closet got nasty, we all heard it, but Soundwave clearly wants to be with you again. You just have to meet him halfway.”

A burst of blue exploded across Starscream’s face as he tried to open his mouth to deny Thundercracker’s words, express his absolute disinterest or care about Soundwave’s attempts to cozy up to him, or win back his trust in the past few days since their argument and their egg had already long disappeared. The majority of which had included invading the seeker’s nest at night (because there was no other way he would have been allowed in) and climbing back inside when he was forced out—or lightly shoved out with minimal resistance.

Soundwave had also been rather calm and rational in response to his outburst and refusal to answer any of his questions about the sparkling for the time being. Starscream’s pheromones had been all over the place ever since their egg had disappeared on its own, Soundwave was nothing but a gentle and stubborn anchor for the seeker to hang onto despite his unwillingness to explain what was bothering him the entire morning. He even offered to step out and come back later if it’d help him calm down.

Rubbing a servo across the back of his neck, Starscream let out a groan before saying, “Okay. I will try to meet Soundwave half way. How’s that?”

“Good. Good. I expect results, good results,” Thundercracker exclaimed. “And. No, explosive ones!”

 ⊹₊⟡⋆

Soundwave had been in his alt mode for the past few jours flying all over Cybertron trying to figure out what he was going to do. All while his egg sat inside the interior of his alt mode’s console to sight see a little as he flew with them in the captain’s seat, occasionally Soundwave could feel them roll out of it to see through his windshield and then the general area. He thought his egg must have been curious of all the new amenities that came with this new incubation area, it was different from his tape deck, so he let them be. He left his egg to their own devices, to explore his spacious pilot area and the new change of environment.

In a way he was grateful for how calm his egg was because while they felt excited to go out on what seemed like an adventure to the outside, Soundwave felt rather embarrassed about their situation. And the reason for his embarrassment? His sparkling, no egg. After realizing that he had accidentally stolen from Starscream. He didn’t know what to do with his egg or himself after his conversation with Thundercracker, and the next thing Soundwave found himself doing was going out for a flight and before he and his egg knew it, they were heading to Kaon—his old home—visiting the pits of all places. He was working on autopilot almost and had flown somewhere familiar to his spark.

However, the aforementioned stolen egg didn’t seem to mind what had happened or where they’d ended up. In fact, Soundwave could still feel his egg radiating with joy as if it wanted to explore his old fighting grounds—Kaon with him—as they began to fly over it. His sparkling wanted to eject from his tape deck.

"Egg baby,” he said all of the sudden, the name slipped out faster than he could’ve realized, but he kept going. “You have to wait a little longer, maybe when we land…. If Soundwave can even bring himself to let you out. He has bad luck…when it comes to keeping his loved ones around and safe. But he will always do his best to protect you.”

Soundwave transformed back into his root mode soon enough and opened his tape deck to reveal his egg. As they rolled out, he looked down to hold the now named “egg baby” in his servos, it felt like his sparkling was staring at him.

“Hello,” he said. “This is Kaon…”

Soundwave felt his voice shake and the lump in his throat grow bigger—a memento from his recent and unconditional crying. Starscream said a sparkling could hear a lot as they grow, they may even develop memories before emerging. Soundwave felt his spark shake when he thought of that.

His sparkling would be upset at him some day, if they weren’t already. He would’ve been rather upset too—if his sire had insulted his carrier, told her she couldn’t raise him right, told her she didn’t know how to love him. If his sire had said all of the things, he had said to Starscream, Soundwave would’ve never wanted to be near them, he would have washed away the feeling of familiarity they shared, put a barrier between them. Yet his sparkling had sought him.

“This is where Soundwave comes from. He wants to show you it because it’s important to him… There’s something important he has to show you too later. Something he hasn’t even shown Starscream yet, but plans to one day.”

Despite his bulky stature and deep voice, Soundwave continued to shake and hold his egg close to his chassis, his faceplate has long been stained with coolant and mascara, it rolls down his cheeks. His egg, however, continues to stay still and stare at him, or he assumed they were—his sparkling was staring at him right now.

This time, his egg managed to escape his grip and land on the floor, but before he could bend over to pick them up, they knocked him over as if it were trying to herd a sheep to better pastures, but they didn’t want to listen to the Shepard.

“Egg baby is mad at Soundwave?” he asks, but was promptly ignored.

Soundwave fell silent as he watched his egg start to roll around him like how a predator does to make its prey feel intimated. He would have laughed if he wasn’t trying to read too much into his egg’s sudden change in behavior.

He thought this was confirmation he needed to see that his sparkling had indeed been upset at him, or felt some type of way. Maybe they were upset it took him so long to notice and learn of their existence, upset he insulted Starscream and caused him to suffer for so long. He would’ve been upset at himself too and he already was.

Soundwave was upset at himself for not realizing that Starscream must have been thinking of how to tell him for the longest time the sparkling was his, how hard it must have been for him to say anything, swallow his pride and tell him

While their conversation in the closest had not been the smoothest and he felt an underlying sense of guilt for not being able to admit that he still loved Starscream toward the end of it. Instead of admitting his deepest desires, he pushed the conversation elsewhere instead and tried to ask if Starscream’s sparkling really wasn’t his and if not, could he raise it with him. While genuine plea of love to stay by Starscream and his sparkling’s side, neither of that meant he could be with him again, not in a way that meant that they were going to try things again. Try it properly.

Soundwave knew Starscream after hearing that, would begin to see their current dynamic as a transactional period of time, the security of their watered-down relationship was for the sparkling and nothing else. It was like they were always off-key about something—whether it be the understanding of their relationship or the understanding of how they felt about each other. For all they knew, it wasn’t supposed to be like this, it could’ve been simpler—less stressful.

Because Starscream would continue to give him a glimpse—a glimpse of love in its purest essence before vanishing to its muted stages of distance, Starscream would distill his remaining feelings and affection—the buds of lobe were always so readily nipped and tossed, yet still felt nurtured despite Starscream’s many attempts to cull them. At first Soundwave had been refused entry into Starscream’s nest, stepping into his living quarters was enough according to him, so why did there have to be more?

However, Soundwave had learned in the past few moons, long before the appearance and disappearance of their egg, that if he tried hard enough or stayed close enough to Starscream and his sparkling (when it still resided in the seeker’s pseudo womb) there would be opportunities, pockets of space for him to nestle into, places for him to stay and enter their orbit.

And if Starscream caught onto his schemes or thoughts of how to get closer to them, the most he would do was nudge or roll him out of their alleged nest; the same one Soundwave was barely allowed inside. Maybe only when the night would fall was when Starscream had his guard down the lowest, after his frame had long been tired out and was prepared to recharge, his optics dimmed and his wings folded. He would allow Soundwave to rest with him—lay next to him, play music for the him and his sparkling as they recharged at night or the late afternoon.

Maybe it was in those moments that Soundwave realized how much time had truly passed between them since he left Earth and his sparkling. He remembered when Starscream showed him how much their sparkling liked to kick whenever he tried to push him away and out of their nest, let him feel it with his servos, help massage his hip and wings—clearly his sparkling was as stubborn as their carrier, maybe even more. It was strange, but endearing when Soundwave thought of how their sparkling must have kicked and fought Starscream up until now.

“Brat won’t stop kicking,” Starscream said, annoyed. He had a servo over his optics while Soundwave’s servos rested on the edge of the nest with just enough pressure to feel the fabric that Starscream had chosen to make it out of.

It was the first time Soundwave had seen such a nice nest. When he was younger, he had seen before the types of nests the carriers around him would make or try to make before they were destroyed or forced to abandon them, they’re never as nice as the one Starscream made—theirs were made from dirt, rusted old metal, nails, torn cloth and chains.

But Starscream’s nest was full of soft things: pillows, blankets, scarves—whatever Thundercracker and and his cassettes had thought would make him and the up-and-coming sparkling feel safe and warm. In a way there was a smidgen of jealousy at first that burst in Soundwave’s spark when he looked at Starscream; the seeker looked comfortable with all of his newly added amenities, but any and all jealousy that could’ve occurred after had vanished when Soundwave woke up one night to the sound of someone whimpering, and the feeling of someone’s EM field going all over the place.

And to his surprise it was Starscream—he was in the middle of a nightmare, he was trying to grasp onto something, tear into it, or himself, but struggled due to how soft everything in his nest was. It was then Soundwave had realized something. The nest wasn’t soft just to make Starscream and his sparkling feel safe, it was to keep them safe, safe from Starscream.

Slowly, but steadily, Soundwave remembered how he had climbed into the nest, and took a hold of Starscream, he held the seeker’s cheek to his tape deck, clumsy digits attempting to sooth him through touch, all in an attempt to hold Starscream like how his own carrier used to hold him and comfort him when the nights grew cold and harsh, lonely. How he remembered Starscream holding him when Rumble died.

“It’ll be okay,” Soundwave said, quietly. “Starscream is safe.”

He froze when Starscream started to chirp in his sleep. “Soundwave…you’re not supposed to leave—You’re the last person who’s allowed to leave me. Come back.”

“Soundwave isn’t going anywhere,” he said in response to Starscream’s words, almost chirping as if to reassure the seeker even further that what he feared was far from coming true. “Soundwave isn’t going anywhere. He’s here to stay, he promises.”

Starscream wouldn’t say anything about what happened that night and he knew better than to drag it out into the open when things were peaceful between them. At first Soundwave thought he had imagined what’d happened between them until Starscream stopped refusing or pushing back whenever he tried to hug him or touch where the sparkling was.

He even let him bring soft items into the nest (like the elephant he had been gifted from their trip to the zoo) or rest his head on the seeker’s canopy like old times and nuzzle where their sparkling was resting. He was more openly affectionate too, willing to accept and seek out his warmth or spend time with him.

In the end, Soundwave decided that he wanted more, he wanted to hold Starscream and walk with him without feelings of uncertainty that there was still a thin paper like film between them pulled down and maintained by the seeker. He wanted to drink whatever slow drip-fed notion of love Starscream offered him, he wanted it to become concentrated, and finally, just maybe, allow it to bloom into something memorable—more tangible and long-term. And maybe his conversation with Thundercracker had been enough to justify working towards that want again without hesitation.

Soundwave then noticed amidst his thoughts, the egg he had been watching roll around him had finally stopped—no longer full of curiosity to circle him like a gangster, they seemed to have grown tired of being ignored by their sire. He could feel it—his egg wanted to explore the world right now, explore where Soundwave had brought them. They wanted to see why they were here of all places with him and not with Starscream.

The pits of Kaon were as Soundwave remembered as he walked through the old hallways of the colosseum with his egg. They entered where he used to fight—the sand pits. However, instead of standing down below where the fighters were forced to emerge and sometimes fight to the bitter end, he and his egg were now standing in the audience’s section, where they would’ve sat and watched from above, placing their bets on who’d win.

So, this is what it is like to be on the other side, he thought. It was so strange to him to see how small it all looked from where he stood. How loud it all was when all he had known was how to rile up a crowd and shed energon for his daily rations that day.

Slowly, Soundwave continued onward, his chin tilted upward as they passed by the statues that’d once loomed over him—they were the fighters before him, the representation of strength and greatness—top earners of the pits. However, the statues that’d once looked at him with immense power as he passed by on his way to another match, had long fallen, crumbled and cracked, pieces of it littered to the ground. Like Soundwave they too had no value in the eyes of the public, their strength had been used, and their legacy was too forgotten. And if not then graffitied or slandered into oblivion.

“Egg baby,” he said. His voice begins to shake again. “This is where Soundwave used to live and fight to live in order to survive. He’s always had it rough and there is a lot of energon on his servos because of him. Good mechs died because of him. Soundwave hopes there will be a day you won’t hate him for what he has done as a gladiator, what he and your carrier have done as a soldier of war on Cybertron. What happened after the war ended. He also hopes you will never have to go through what he did here or during the war.”

Soundwave let out a sigh after that and started to make his way down one of the stairs, it led to the lower levels of the colosseum, it was clear to him this was the right when he came across the words and sentences that made up the phrases:

ALL ARE DEAD.

NEVER FORGET OR FORGIVE.

MONSTERS.

GIVE ME BACK MY CARRIER.

The last sentence struck a chord with Soundwave as he ran a servo around the word carrier; it wasn't uncommon for the lower class of Kaon or those who were enslaved in Kaon to be separated from their carriers or creators as some called them. More uncommon for them to hold resentment—to leave or write these sorts of messages as a way to fight back against the injustice they’d been forced into or forced to witness from afar.

It was common for carriers to be brought in with their sparklings then separated, used as bait against whatever beast had been purchased or raised for a match, to fight against so the elites of Kaon could watch and bet on a winner or loser—a prime example of egoism, Soundwave supposed. His carrier was one of the stronger ones, she had proved hers and his worth, gave their master something to look forward to and a reason to keep them together, not separated like everyone else.

Like he had told Ultcie his carrier had been taken from him too, but the difference was that she was not taken by the stars, she was taken by far more nefarious reasons, perhaps something even worse than what usually befell any carrier that was forced to enter or was sold into the pits. Soundwave still remembered how his carrier had hidden him away that day, how she had forced him to hide in a hole dug out for him to hide in, and the scraps of metal she piled up around him, her chirps before leaving him.

She had said they were going to be playing a game of—hide and seek. It’d be a long game.

His carrier told him, Megatron and Ravage were in charge of finding him and after they did, they’d be in charge of helping him find her in the outside world later. They’d be helpful, she said. And when he found her, they’d go look at the, he could even eat as many sweets as he wanted while they looked at the stars.

But when Megatron and Ravage found him like promised, Soundwave had felt something was off. Maybe it was the way Megatron had said that there had been a change of plans to their game of hide and seek or how Ravage told him that carrier was going to be away for a long time, her adventure outside had run into some issues. The consensus was the same no matter who he tried to ask or poke that day, he would have to go and find her when he was older, but not now. Not for a while. He would have to go find his carrier another day, but not today.

Megatron even held him back before he could run and try to find his carrier or sneak out the first few weeks after she had left, he refused to put him down or let him out of sight. Later when he was older, he would learn there was a reason for that, it was because his carrier was being dragged away in thick metal chains and put in a gilded golden chain, she was sold and paraded like a pet out in the open for the first few weeks of her purchase date for all to see. Angering those around him, igniting the fire for a rebellion in the pits to take root.

His carrier had become house pet for some elite in Kaon to play with, they’d chosen for her alleged telepathic abilities and striking beauty—but it was him who was supposed to have been bought. And would’ve if his carrier didn’t swear on her spark, that he didn’t inherit her power, he had inherited nothing of value. Unlike him, she could be of use.

It was only after he and the rest of the gladiators in the pits had risen up and waged war on their masters—killed them—did he find his carrier again. He still remembers the smell of energon on his servos when he found the elite that’d bought and tortured her, it was impossible to forget. Forget how she looked when he found her—when he buried her. Her last words to him and his to her. His only regret wasn’t coming sooner to put his carrier out of her misery and the smile on her face to see he had grown up so well. Yet it was her smile as she passed in his arms that had sparked his resolution to get up and continue onward—for her, he had told himself. 

After a while, they approached an area covered in moss and flowers, Soundwave looked down at his egg. “This is where Soundwave used to live. It used to look better before the war,” he said, softly.  

To say it used to look better may have been an understatement. There were also symbols upon symbols drawn across the cracked organic covered walls with the scurries of cursors that ran across his path. But it was home. It was where Soundwave and his cassettes lived before the war, before Megatron started recruiting more mechs for his cause—their cause. Finally, Soundwave and his egg made their way somewhere outside, a small hidden area nearby, was a pile of rocks—three of them to be exact, they were piled up almost to the sky.

“This is where Soundwave’s family lies. Yours too, egg baby. Soundwave is sorry that you have to witness it so young, but it’s important to meet everyone. For them to meet you as well.” he said, tenderly.

The wind started to pick up as he sat down with his legs crossed, his egg placed in between.

“The one over there is your grand-carrier. She was the one who taught Soundwave a lot of things, like stories about the outside world, what freedom is. Maybe Starscream had already told you how it was for him, but Soundwave was born an enslaved gladiator. He used to dream of freedom, but was forced to kill or be killed from the moment he came online. He used to dream of what life would be when he was free and no longer enslaved or at war for his freedom. But now, he doesn’t know what to do so he is free and allowed to do whatever he wants. How to raise you...”

His egg shook quietly in response to Soundwave’s words as if they were curious to what its sire was supposed to do with his acquired freedom.

“The smaller rock pile to the right is Rumble. She’s one of your older sisters. She has a twin named Frenzy. Soundwave took her and Frenzy in when he was still a gladiator. They lost their carrier at a young age, so he took them in. He has taken in and met a lot of people from when he was still a gladiator.”

Soundwave took a deep breath before sighing. “Rumble would’ve loved to meet you, egg baby. He is sure egg baby would’ve too. However, he could only bring himself to build her this grave after he returned to Cybertron, but he doesn’t know if her spark made it back to the well of AllSpark because she died on another planet. Earth—where you were made. Soundwave likes to believe Rumble found her way back home because of him. Egg baby will be introduced to Rumble’s twin sister Frenzy later. Maybe, egg baby spotted her already though or heard her voice when it was rolling around trying to find Soundwave this morning. Egg baby must already know who Thundercracker, Skywarp, and Nova Storm are. Because you’re smart like that...but you’re also naughty to make Starscream panic and yell at everyone all morning until his vocalizer went hoarse.”

Soundwave leaned forward and pressed the tip of his nose. He smiled when his egg started to rock back and forth as he did—a positive response—they nuzzled him, and tried to comfort him. “And lastly…that’s—Actually, Soundwave doesn’t know if the one over there would’ve been your older brother or sister, but they would’ve been the oldest of all your siblings. They were also in an egg like you, but they had a different mech help out to make them. Soundwave likes to also call or think of them as his egg baby too, he likes to call you both his egg baby. Please don’t be mad.”

His egg, however, despite Soundwave’s initial fears continued to stick close to him, they rocked back and forth a little, but remained in his lap for the most part.

“Sometimes Soundwave wonders if they really did exist. Because they appeared almost overnight and in Soundwave’s arms like a gift from Primus. But then like how your older sibling came out of nowhere, they also vanished. Maybe someone thought Soundwave wasn’t fit to raise an egg, or they wanted to punish him for defying them. Soundwave was told he was never supposed to never have a sparkling…he can’t carry or sire. Yet he has. He has helped to sire you. Funny how that works right?”

After taking a deep breath, Soundwave stood up, egg baby in servo, and picked up a rock. He weighed it a little before placing it atop Rumble’s rock pile. Ravage had always told him the taller the grave marker—the more loved a mech was—but also the faster they’d find their way back home to Kaon. He then searched for another rock, to put it down for the rest of the graves in front of them before speaking again to his egg. The sparkling (egg) he had now with Starscream was more than enough proof that he could sire, but what about carrying? He still wasn’t so sure, not every mech could do both, let alone function like that—it was a small rather probability for two mechs to do that when coupled or in love. A double sparking.

“Deep down Soundwave wants to believe that your older sibling was really there, that he really carried them, but there’s also something called phantom sparking. Soundwave’s old friend Routledge told him about it before once in passing…he asked Routledge about a hypothetical situation. Soundwave even saw it happen once to someone too when he was still a gladiator. So sometimes he wonders if it was too good to be true. Soundwave was scared your egg sibling would be taken from him if he told anyone about them, so no one can vouch if they were real or not. Only him…”

His egg, like before, remained quiet, but then they tried to squeak a little, chirp at him as if to sooth his past worries. Soundwave smiled and tried to chirp back in response to his sparkling, upset he couldn’t understand them, but he liked to imagine they were sympathetic to his woes.

He had never found the courage to tell anyone about how he had been sparked once or what happened to his sparkling until after it’d been lost, asked around, to see what really had been in his inventory all of the sudden—let alone let Starscream know of his past love affairs. Though it never stopped his mind from wandering and asking himself if he could be sparked again, to truly experience it, nothing was far from that thought—until it seemed too good to be true and it never happened again when he interfaced with Starscream, who always insisted that it wasn’t worth the power bank.

There wasn’t enough energon or tries in the world to get either of them sparked with their current frames. What a lie, he had always thought back then because he knew there had to be a way around things, but considered that perhaps Starscream was right—the chances were too low even if not exactly zero—but that never stopped him from thinking about the past. He felt vindicated about it now, the proof he could spark Starscream was in his arms—his egg.

“Maybe…Soundwave got so lonely he imagined being sparked, having another egg baby,” he said. “He used to dream of a big family, he would pray for it. And he did eventually get it, egg baby. But then he lost it. He lost some of his family because of his own incompetence. Megatron left once because Soundwave didn’t do enough to understand his change of spark. Rumble is gone because of Soundwave’s failure to notice his energon levels were too low and she exploded trying to fulfill his request to have her eject from his tape deck. Egg baby almost didn’t meet Soundwave because of what he said to Starscream when he tried to tell him about you. Egg baby may not have made it to this stage of their life if Starscream hadn’t tried to be around him.”

His egg started to roll out of his lap or attempt to before Soundwave had managed to catch it in time and realized how far they’d gotten from their original destination. They were now sitting at the top of a hill, overlooking some flowers—blue ones.

“Wait, don’t leave—!” Soundwave said, shouting. He held his egg tightly, but by the time he had managed to, it was too late, and the both of them started to roll down a hill. And as they slowed down, Soundwave was in the middle of clutching his egg to the outside of his tape deck, feeling desperate and out of ventilation almost. “Soundwave is sorry for making Starscream believe he can’t love you, egg baby. Soundwave is sorry for making him scared about telling Soundwave about you—! Please, Soundwave knows Starscream loves you, so don’t leave! Egg baby can be mad at Soundwave all it wants, but they also can’t leave right now…”

“Idiot.”

Soundwave almost cried even harder when he heard his egg say such a word to him, but he tried to keep a brave face and continue. “Again, Soundwave loves you. Please don't be too mad.”

“I still can’t believe this idiot is my sire.”

 “…Soundwave is sorry for that. He apologizes for being related to his egg baby like this…but he can’t change having made them with Starscream.”

“Still mad at you,” Starscream interjected, trying to hold back a laugh. He had been messing with Soundwave a little by calling him an ‘idiot” before continuing the little farce when he realized that the blue mech in front of him hadn’t caught on yet. “But not mad enough to let you go and run off with our egg baby. To Kaon of all places before rolling down a hill with it. Charming, really.”

Soundwave whipped his head around, mouth hanging wide open when he realized Starscream had been behind him the entire time. No, he had been messing with him the entire time. “…egg baby how could you not tell Soundwave, Starscream was nearby!”

His egg, however, remained silent, but the happiness that started to radiate in their EM field was enough to give away their feelings about the situation as Starscream came over to touch them with his servos, greeting his egg a little with some chirps—clearly, they also believed Soundwave deserved to be made fun of a little right now too by their carrier.

Traitor, Soundwave thought, bitterly. His own egg had betrayed him for Starscream!

“How long has Starscream been standing there…how much did he hear.”

“Not much, I arrived just in time to see you apologize to our egg before it decided to roll down a hill,” he said, laughing. “That little brat probably noticed me vorns ago and decided to take us both for a joy ride.”

Soundwave frowned despite the relief he felt wash over him, that meant Starscream hadn’t seen the graves yet, or heard about what he had said to their sparkling—about him being a carrier to a sparkling before then losing it. It was enough for Soundwave to tell their sparkling that part of his life because they deserved to know, but he didn’t know how to tell Starscream about it either, not yet at least. Maybe when things had become more measured between them—less rocky and desolate. Until then, he planned on holding that little secret to this spark, revealing the details of what may or may not have happened on his own time.

“Soundwave.”

“Yes?”

“Just so we’re clear…” Starscream said, rubbing the back of his neck. He kept his gaze on the egg in Soundwave’s servos and to the flower field they were standing in. “I don’t know what’s going to happen between us while we raise this sparkling together, but I hope it’s something good. I still care about you and I think—I want to believe you do too.”

“Soundwave does. He wants more with Starscream, but is unsure if Starscream wants that too.”

Starscream’s wings shot up and his cheeks started to burn. Reluctantly, the seeker forced himself to crouch down and meet Soundwave’s tear filled but confident and shining gaze. They stared at each other, sitting amongst the flowers together with their egg. “I want more too, but I also can’t guarantee it’ll be easy for—me to commit.”

“Soundwave doesn’t want easy. He wants Starscream. He wants to raise his egg baby with Starscream.”

“So greedy,” Starscream said. With a huff he reached forward to wipe away some of the mascara that's already started to drip down Soundwave’s chin and neck, barely more than a whisper away they stare at each other. “But I love that about you.”

Soundwave leaned forward, inclining his head to the side and smirked. “Because Soundwave learned how to love from the best.”

“Is it too late to run?” Starscream said. He laughs but there was something almost melodious to how he feels when looking at Soundwave and his egg, the flowers swaying against their metal frames.

Without a word, Soundwave kisses Starscream’s lips softly, barely more than a brush of touch as if tickling him like a summer’s breeze in Kaon. There was something irresistible when he saw the look of confidence that washes over the seeker’s EM field, and the loud chitter from their egg as they sat to the side of them—a honey-colored blush of not only acceptance, but also love.

“Starscream lost his chance the moment he called Soundwave to say he was sparked.”

He smirked proudly, watching the sea of emotions grow in Starscream’s wide blue optics. He heard him curse discreetly, and then with a cat-like stare, tackle him to the ground. A muffled chirp sounded from his side. Soundwave dragged his servo over to become their egg over as he lay pinned to the ground by Starscream, but instead it made their egg roll with the slightest hint of parental disobedience. The sun began to hide, leaving the star and moon to reveal itself as their egg rolled around the two of them, padding softly around the flowers and tall grass that stretched around them for miles to come. Their own little safe haven, tucked away from the world.

While Starscream sighed and tried to lecture their egg for doing too much, Soundwave felt he possibly couldn’t have been any happier as if all of the suffering and trials he had gone through before arriving to this very moment had been worth it. He was poor in riches, but inexhaustibly rich in love and blessed with a growing family. There was nothing else he could have wished for and desired for himself.

Notes:

Watch were I step you say
We look like a family they say
There are a million things I want
But I still don’t know
How you look at me or how you look at them
They’re loved but what about me?
Now I know

Chapter 14: Dream On

Notes:

SW asked me to update again... ha

Soundwave had the palm of his servo pressed into the cold and wet ground. His finials trained to pick up on the sound of rushing water.

“Please tell me there is a way out of this forest,” Starscream said. He stood behind Soundwave, trying to keep his composure, but the nausea he felt from not eating much earlier and stress that’d come from getting lost was starting to get to him.

“Yes, that way,” Soundwave said. He pointed in the direction of where he had heard where a river may lay or be hidden. “Follow.”

Starscream nodded. “Okay.”

Soundwave had been prescribed a hearty diet of rust sticks and energon rich sugar crystals for the time being since he was in charge of incubating their egg, but because those weren’t so commonly found on Cybertron, that meant they had to venture out a little to find some on their own. And they’d managed to after some searching and bickering on the way there in their alt modes. With Starscream insisting that they were going the wrong way and Soundwave ignoring him as usual.

But what happened after they’d landed had led to an encounter with some of the local wildlife. Starscream had to grab Soundwave after that in an attempt to escape before they were forced to attack, the two of them barely able to meet each other’s gaze amidst the chaos. Or maybe it was because Soundwave was too busy to care how he was being held, his mission was to take out the giant and roaring beast that was running towards them like they were an easy target and meal, sent to satiate its appetite.

It wasn’t Soundwave’s first time fighting something so large or hungry. He had one servo atop Starscream’s red and wide shoulder, another servo spread out and aimed at the beast, preparing his range of attacks—a purple ball of energy, some sonic booms, and a blast of strong vibrations. Starscream held onto Soundwave tightly throughout the fight, a smug look on his faceplate as he did it, servo tucked under and around Soundwave’s waist and thigh like ivy to a tree.

The crystal covered beast threw its head back, howling as each attack landed, aimed towards its head and eyes. But neither mech could care for its suffering right now—it was killed or be killed right now. And they were willing to raze the ground it walked, the ground it stomped across when it charged and tried to tear Starscream’s arm off in front of Soundwave. And like all giant things, it fell with a deafening thud, the gemstones across its dark brown fur losing their shine, same with the light that’d once filled the beasts purveyed gaze.

Soundwave wanted to harvest it for later after that, but was stopped when Starscream said this type of beast was known to be rather poisonous to Cybertronians, it’d be a lost cause and waste of energon to skin and divide its parts. This creature was also documented to be a rather nasty species of this planet’s ecosystem, but if left alone—the forest would take it back and use its nutrients to nurture its growth. With a pout Soundwave had listened to Starscream, he pressed his mask to the side of the seeker’s helmet too, but refused to be put down.

In the past, maybe on the Nemesis, he had gotten into an argument with Starscream before about his weight class—the seeker had been insisting that he couldn’t carry Soundwave if needed for an up-and-coming battle with the Autobots over resources, one where they had to get there first. Thinking back on it, Starscream had probably just wanted a chance to pick up and hold him, so he claimed that Soundwave looked too heavy, too heavy to be carried and held in his arms.

And Soundwave upon hearing that, fell for such an admittedly silly and childish verbal attack. He had wrapped his thighs around Starscream’s waist, put his servos around his neck, and stared at him with a smug expression—in Soundwave’s mind, he had thought: Soundwave is heavy, Soundwave is perfectly carriable, Soundwave is superior.

He never understood why Starscream seemed so happy when he did that—so briefly—Starscream smiled and started to tease him, kissing the outer confines of his mask and finials, calling him sweet things until he was smacked and thrown onto the ground—for bullying him.

As for what was the reason behind his need to tease and press so many buttons of tolerance or care? Soundwave never understood. They just lived in that type of space, as a part of their love, as a part of what made them feel joy, until they no longer could dance to the tune of their own love. But that was before, now they’re trying to navigate it all over again—with nothing but their own need to run back to the other and follow after them.

“There’s a lake,” Starscream said, in awe. He crouched down and leaned forward, dipping the tips of his digits into the water. “Cold though, but it should be more than enough to clean off our frames.”

They’d accidentally taken a wrong turn earlier and were hit by something sticky—tree sap—and had seeped into their joints and outer shells leaving a hard but viscous material over their metal. Soundwave didn’t care if the water was cold, the latch to his tape deck had been sealed shut due to the sap, but at least his egg was safe and docked.

Starscream had been hesitant to let Soundwave take over care, however, incubation could be difficult for seekers, hence the use of nests to keep their sparklings warm by the time they’d reached the egg stage. And he had to agree that Soundwave was far better suited for the task especially when their sparkling was so insistent on being around him as an egg—always freezing, always in demand to be held or cradled by either mech.

Starscream liked to imagine their egg would continue to carry that same stubborn and fierce trait by the time they hatched and had the strength to break out, call out to them that they had arrived with strong and loud chirps. He looked forward to it. Slowly Starscream stepped into the water until the water reached his hips, Soundwave followed after him after placing their egg down, he had managed to crack open his tape deck enough.

“It’ll be fine,” Starscream said. He watched as Soundwave continued to stare out at their egg, his gaze never leaving if for even a nano-second. “The brat won’t go anywhere now that we’re here with it.”

“Soundwave is just worrying. This egg baby seems adventurous.”

“She does.”

Soundwave turned to look at Starscream, surprise was plastered all over his faceplate. “Egg baby is a girl?”

He had been wondering the sex of his egg for a while, but hadn’t found the time to ask Starscream, they’d been too busy making sure everything was ready for their sparkling when they’d managed to hatch and that their systems were in order to bond with them. But he had no clue how to determine the sex, Ratchet said it was hard for them to see with the machines when asked, but it was better to ask Starscream how it worked since he had probably had more knowledge on how to tell.

“Just a guess,” Starscream said, calmly. He had a servo on his cheek, optics trained on his egg, watching as “she” rocked back and forth in response to what he had said. He smiles a little when his egg rolls forward, bobbing a little in the water until it’s reached his side. “Are you a girl, darling?” he asks.

Starscream is full of pride, but Soundwave looks as if he’s about to cry again. The seeker can’t help but shake his head and look at his egg before whispering, “Your poor sire is going to dehydrate himself if you keep moving, so stay still while we get clean.”

He laughed after that, his gaze never leaving Soundwave who was in the middle of pouting, his finials raised to the sky, he looked like a bunny right now—his senses were high and alert for any sign of danger, but only if the danger was a wandering egg—their egg. 

“How does Starscream know egg baby is a girl?” Soundwave asks, head tilted to the side.

“Might be,” Starscream corrected. “I’m only guessing that it might be a girl because of how cold our egg is. Usually if the egg is cold to the touch and it seeks or likes warmth, it’s a girl. Boys are the opposite. It’s not a guaranteed method, but it’s a decent frame of reference for most mechs from Vos when they have eggs since the shells are too thick to penetrate or check for the sex.”

Soundwave fell silent after hearing that. His first egg had been rather cold—a similar level of cold to his current egg. A girl, Soundwave thought. He was supposed to have a girl. And he didn’t know how to feel about that. But he wanted to know what she would have looked like—but of course he had never known, the shape of her frame, the color of her optics, the shape of her spark. He—

“Soundwave?”

“Yes?”

Starscream began to approach him. He waded through the water until they were mere clicks apart, and the expression on his faceplate was complicated. “Are you okay? You’re hurting yourself right now.”

Soundwave froze and looked down at his servos, they were clenched, he had been digging into the palm of his servos without notice. He forced himself to swallow the lump in his throat and nodded to indicate he was fine, but refused to elaborate on his thoughts.

Starscream sighed, but didn’t push. Instead, he offered to help Soundwave wash off some of the tree sap that would’ve been difficult to remove on his own in return for a similar amount of help—a mutual shared affair of preening one another.

“Hold still,” Starscream ordered. He had his legs wrapped around Soundwave’s waist, feeling a sense of distress whenever he felt the other mech shift around in the water, trying to buck him off; they'd both go under at this rate.

Soundwave threw his head back for a moment before meeting Starscream’s impatient gaze. He had a frustrated pout strewn across his faceplate; it’d have been considered adorable if it weren’t for his servos digging so deeply into Starscream’s hip plates. “Soundwave is being taken advantage of again by Starscream!”

“I’m not doing anything. I’m simply helping you clean your faceplate right now.”

“Starscream is being mean by teasing Soundwave in places he shouldn’t. He can feel it.”

Starscream could only blink in response to Soundwave’s bold claims—if it weren’t for how his finials had been vibrating before they ended in such a precarious position, Starscream would’ve assumed Soundwave was being genuine in his complaints and gotten off of him. But he knew after stellar cycles of being by Soundwave’s side and learning his habits, it was more that the mech in front of him had gotten shy again, rather than annoyed. What’s more, Soundwave could’ve always thrown him off instead and drowned him out of instinct. But he hadn’t.

Starscream thought it was cute when Soundwave got frustrated like this, he had scrunched his brows, pulled the lines of his lips downward, but also his finials. Everything followed his mood. And it’s hard not to tease the other mech a little while the egg was nestled in a makeshift bundle of leaves, grass and flowers—a temporary nest that sat near the lake side.

“Do you want me to stop then?” Starscream said. He leaned forward to cup Soundwave’s chin, his thumb now sitting against the other mech’s light blue metal, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Or do you want to kiss me right now?”

Soundwave opened his mouth ready to retort, but quickly his attention was stolen by the sound of something plopping into the water. Starscream seemed to have noticed faster than him what it was and immediately got off of him, rushing over to where their egg had been resting, and dove into the water.

Starscream broke the water’s surface with a sour expression, his optics narrowed at the round object in his arms. “That little brat,” he grumbled as Soundwave rushed over to check on him and then the egg with concern. 

Both parties were fine, but Starscream couldn’t help, but wonder how coincidental it all was for their egg to roll off the way it had as he held his egg to look at it. The internal temperature was still considered rather warm—almost toasty despite how cold the lake water was when they entered and had started bathing in it. His sparkling was just playing with him again.

Starscream let out a grunt by the time he and Soundwave had hauled themselves out of the water and onto solid ground. His hip was starting to fire back at him as he sat down to massage it, it was practically scolding him for being so reckless, let alone for being in water for so long before exerting his hip, but his carrier instincts had kicked in before his logic could. Everything in him had screamed to get the sparkling, even if he knew it’d have been fine in the water, and would’ve floated its way to them, like what had happened was a little joy ride. Not a parental scare for the ages.

He knew the pain was inevitable, a combination of his age, poor resources on Earth when fixing it, and the pressure that’d been placed on his frame from carrying. The extra weight had been difficult on his joints, harder to shed, and get used to. It was better now, before the outside of his canopy had started to thicken and the increase of weight all around his frame was noticeable enough, his pedes had also practically grounded him by then.

All of this had meant that his sparkling had developed enough to grow a shell around itself, preparing to dispatching itself from his chamber. Meaning that before the sparkling dropped as an egg—Starscream was unable to transform as well, the best he could do was maybe climb if forced, which meant flying wasn’t the option for the longest time.

Soundwave had come over soon enough, he reached over to take a look at Starscream, spreading the seeker’s thighs a part, so he could get a better view on the rotation of the hip joint, it might rust if they weren’t careful or the salt content of the water could cause it to lock up. He felt a little embarrassed still, the question of if he wanted to kiss Starscream, was still weighing on his memory banks, it wasn’t the most unheard-of thing. Starscream liked to ask him that all the time, he liked to tease him all the time with quick and sufficient kisses, love bites, nibbles of affection—it was who the seeker was.

Starscream, however, was unfazed by the general care and quick servo movements that came from Soundwave. The seeker allowed his thigh to be propped over Soundwave’s thigh, despite how sensitive the area felt, or that his sensors were demanding him to be treated, for the pressure to be alleviated. The pain was sharp and electric when Soundwave put pressure on it, trying to set and stretch it back into place for Starscream, who could only wince a little, forcing himself to maintain a brave face.

His leg still didn’t feel like it belonged, the ball socket could probably use another forced resetting, more soldiering, a closer look from a professional. But they didn’t really have a choice, not when they weren’t on either Cybertron or Earth—this was a random planet. This was ideally the best they could do for now.

“Starscream okay?” Soundwave asks. He sounded guilty. “Soundwave should’ve rescued egg baby first but he…”

“It’s fine,” Starscream answered, softly. “My carrier protocols must have kicked in when she rolled into the water on her own. I doubt you’d have been able to react any faster. That brat was probably just trying to mess with us. She’s practically waterproof in an egg like this, so she won’t drown.”

“But…”

“She may feel heavy, but her outer shell is made to sustain all different types of terrain or mishaps that may occur, and technically the density of an egg carried by a seeker is less than water, so she’d have just floated to the top if we were any later to grab her.”

Feeling relieved Soundwave smiled and pressed his nose into Starscream’s cheek before taking the egg off of the seeker’s servos, so he could incubate it in his tape deck. After checking to make sure the sparkling was safe and sound, Soundwave began to nuzzle the Starscream out of care, but his finials moved almost instantly in response to the cold servo that started to pet them, the cold digits that began to tease them and pinch them. All while Starscream continued to smile and lock optics with him—pretend he was the most innocent party in all of this, the ideal patient when looked at.

“You still haven’t responded to my question earlier,” Starscream said, lazily.

“Responded?” Soundwave said, playing dumb. He would rather ignore the look of interest that was plastered all over Starscream’s faceplate, or how his wings had twitched in that moment, focusing his servos and attention again on the seeker’s hip. “Was Soundwave supposed to respond about something?”

Starscream narrowed his eyes and started to pout. He brought both servos forward and hooked his digits around the Soundwave’s waist. “I could’ve sworn you heard me earlier…after all you have such big finials. What can’t you hear with those?”

Soundwave felt his cheeks heat up. He was being made fun of again by Starscream. It didn’t help when fans clicked out of embarrassment and the seeker started to laugh before kissing his finials. But before Starscream could sneak in another silver-glossa insult, he felt Soundwave headbutt him, knocking the both of them to the ground. Both mechs let out a similar groan of frustration after.

“You strong headed idiot. That hurt!”

“Starscream’s fault for making fun of Soundwave first!”

Starscream rolled his optics in response and rubbed his forehead. “Fine, I got it. No kissing—Hey, put me down! Don’t forget who was your leader here.”

“No,” Soundwave said, grumbling. He had picked up Starscream in one fell swoop, finishing the move like a well-practiced machine when he threw the wriggling seeker over his shoulder like he was a sack of potatoes. “Starscream was Soundwave’s leader. Now he’s just Soundwave’s lover again.”

“Well, then let me preface this by saying, it isn’t illegal to tease you since we’re lovers again! I’m allowed to say or do whatever the hell I want, Soundwave. It’s a free world!”

“Then by that logic Soundwave is allowed to do whatever he wants to and with Starscream, similar to how Starscream is allowed to tease Soundwave about his finials being too big or that he wants to kiss him!”

At first Soundwave felt grateful when it seemed that his words had proven to be more than enough to silence Starscream until he read what the seeker had been thinking about while he was being carried off somewhere. He thought Soundwave was being rather cute right now and that he loved how his finials bent or fluttered a little when teased because then that usually meant was blushing underneath his mask before the rest of his thoughts became more egregious and flirtier in nature—as if on purpose to rile him up.

Out of instinct, Soundwave wanted to toss Starscream onto the ground for having such embarrassing thoughts or thoughts about his thighs or aft looking nice from this view, it was too much. But held back when he remembered Starscream’s hip, so he forced the seeker to instead be carried bridal style in his arms.

“If Starscream keeps making such graphic comments about Soundwave’s parts he will be dropped, and left for the animals to tear apart” he said, frowning. His grip on the seeker tightened as well. “Be good!”

“But we’re trying to be together again,” Starscream said, teasing a little. He wrapped his arms around Soundwave’s neck, and brought their faceplates together. “But of course, since it’s you asking me to be good, I’ll try to be good. And try not to drop me, at least for the sparkling’s sake.”

Notes:

The children say I’m silly
They say if I don’t move now the future will never be ours
How good is it to know what may await us
My soul is yours
The sky is yours to take flight into

Chapter 15: Bun In The Oven

The rain was starting to come down by the time they’d managed to find shelter in a nearby cave. Soundwave was in the middle of watching the rain, he had been staring off into the distance, trying to see what was out there—beyond the little space they’d managed to find—while everything else around them got wet.

A fire had been started, it crackled and emitted enough warmth for Starscream to feel comfortable, he had his legs spread out and stretched to form a V like shape while his egg was sat to the side, still in his field of vision in case she sought another adventure on her own again. The imperceptible feeling of comfort is unchanged between the three of them in type of atmosphere, to the side there is a pile of the rust sticks and energon rich sugar crystals they were supposed to have been looking for before running into that bear earlier.

The egg occasionally rolled into the pile as if it wanted Starscream to hurry up and give it some, but he had to shake his head in response as if to say these were for Soundwave to eat, not her, not until she was old enough to ask for it. Imaginably his egg already knew that, but was still rather stubborn about it, wholly evident by how she rolled over to Soundwave, the tip of her shell caught by his servos—vigilant as always.

“Egg baby is upset again?” Soundwave says, amused by his sparkling’s strong personality—he could already imagine the types of faces she would be making in the future, and a part of him wondered just who she would be taking after. Secretly he hoped for her to look like Starscream a little.

“She probably just wants you to come back and eat, so hurry up before I eat without you,” Starscream said. He rolled his optics after, taking a bite of the rust stick in his servo as if to make his threat hold more weight.

Soundwave whipped his head over in response, he felt his optics go wide like saucers at the thought of food not being available for him and grabbed his egg before running over to where Starscream had been sitting. Soundwave took a hold of one of the sugar crystals and tried to bite it, but he struggled to break into it, or even figure out how to eat it. Eventually after what felt like vorns of mindless chewing and angered chirps, his teeth started to ache, and his finials bend out of frustration.

The feeling only increased when he noticed Starscream had been looking at him the entire time, his lips pulled upward, with a disguised look of amusement, given away by the muffled chuckles and wing flaps.

“You’re eating it wrong,” Starscream said, smiling. The egg was staring at the two of them, rolling occasionally into his side then Soundwave. “See, even she thinks so.” 

“No,” Soundwave said, frowning. He looked down at his egg. “She can’t even eat this yet, how can she judge!”

Starscream leaned over, taking the unabashed and gnawing on item from Soundwave, replacing it with a peeled rust stick instead. “Here eat this instead, I’ll help you open the sugar crystal, they’re difficult to open unless you’ve been taught to eat them before.”

Soundwave stared at Starscream, but nodded before handing it off. He then sunk his teeth into the rust stick Starscream had started peeling for him. The taste reminded him of something, but he couldn’t put his digit on it yet. And before he knew it, it was gone. Soundwave tilted his head to the side again like he always did when lost, and looked at Starscream as if that’d have explained where his rust stick had gone—or vanished from his servos. He wanted more—more than what felt like a gentle whisper in the breeze. Sweet, nostalgic, like a secret no one else but he was supposed to know.

Starscream tried to ignore the look of confusion that was thrown his way or the occasional nuzzle from his egg to pet her again, and focused on cracking open the sugar crystal in his servos for Soundwave, he felt tag teamed right now by both his lover and his sparkling.

There was no question who took after who at this moment, he thought. But as he looks up, the happiness in Soundwave’s gaze gets stronger, from the edge of his finials, to the corner of his lips. If he plays the game of love again, will he come out triumphant? Because it gets tougher not to fall any deeper than he already has with Soundwave.

But even if he chooses to not ignore the rock of his spark, or the accustomed feeling of joy that is in front of him, it’s difficult for him to so openly confess his wants and desires again, expose the brunt of it to Soundwave’s naked optic and spark again. His sparkling knows better than anyone maybe how deep his affection for her sire goes on, she knows more than anyone—the affairs that keep them coming back to each other. She’s not scared. She’s not afraid. She’s not fretting over why things may not work.

“Here,” Starscream said, smiling. He brings the sugar crystal to the edge of Soundwave’s lips while their egg rests in between their frames, warm and calm for once—maybe she’s sleeping again. “Try it.”

Soundwave like before nodded, but unlike before instead of taking it; he takes a bite of what’s in front of him and savors it more gently before leaning in to ask for more. His enjoyment of the taste blossoms from his EM field—the desire for more sweetness as if he could drown and dip himself in it. He can feel Starscream kiss the corner of his optic after that, running his free servo underneath his chin like it’s an old and awakened hunger, it’s not a test, it’s a welcoming for more.

“Does Soundwave like eating it?” he asks, warmly. “If so, I can peel more for him.”

“Yes, please,” Soundwave said. “He wants to eat more.”

He was half tempted to lick the juice that was dripping down Starscream’s servo, the same one he had been eating from, but when he remembered that their egg was still around, forced to witness and overhear their shenanigans—he got embarrassed all over again and tried to look away. Pretend he hadn’t had such a thought while waiting for Starscream to peel another sugar crystal for him all over again. Crack it open for him all over again while he took a hold of their egg, tucking her into his tape deck.

She’s cold, Soundwave thought, cheeks still flushed from earlier, and a servo pressed to where Starscream had kissed him as if he was expecting something else, but was overjoyed that it had happened.

He peered over at Starscream again, his calm demeanor was only matched with his calm thoughts, the comfort of silence. Feasibly their love for each other had surprised them again and the rain continued to fall, dampening the environment around them—the outside of the cave—able to respond again, it was just them right now, trying to remember after so long how to open up to each other again, how to respond, in the fire’s ember setting and glow.

Soundwave moved forward and kissed Starscream’s cheek—quick and simple—he pulled away as soon as it’d landed or been noticed as if to say reach out and catch me. Perhaps he had done it because he was desperate to try again, desperate for a new taste of freedom, desperate to explore what should’ve always had meaning, but was lost.

Looking at the blushing mech in front of him, Starscream could only return the short kiss he had been graced with another, this time, however, it’s slow and steady. He captures Soundwave’s lips, the taste of something sweet working its way down his glossa as if inspecting a precious jewel. By the time the kiss has nearly met its end Soundwave has worked his way into Starscream’s lap, his thighs gently encompassing the Starscream’s waist like a blanket of warmth, their movements are sloppy and full of uncertainty, yet gentle like a bird's first song.

When they part, Soundwave nibbles a little on Starscream’s cheek then his neck, kissing it as he goes, the cave they’re in feels less like a trapped space for three, but a room where they’re able to read the other without worry, read what loves them, and the things they were meant to receive, or have imagined were possible in their future.

“So, you did want a kiss,” Starscream murmured. “Knew it.”

“Maybe… yes,” Soundwave answered. “But he also wants to eat more sugar crystals that are peeled by Starscream.”

Starscream laughed. “Don’t tell me you kissed me just to get more?” He raised an optic bridge when he saw Soundwave look away as if embarrassed that he had been exposed. “Did you?”

“No. Soundwave wanted to kiss Starscream out of his own volition, but he is still hungry right now. Incubating is draining his reserves right now and have been since we arrived on this planet. Starscream should feed Soundwave again.”

“Of course, I will, my dear. But you might have to get out of your lap first before I can do that.”

“Soundwave doesn’t want to move though,” he said like a lazy Persian cat. “Soundwave feels rather comfortable right now. Egg baby is too.”

“But if you want to eat more…rust sticks and sugar crystals,” Starscream said. He was attempting to coax Soundwave, but the blue mech still sat in his lap—the look on his faceplate akin to a spoiled lover, “You have to move a little so I can peel some more food for you guys. We can switch positions if you want?”

Soundwave thought about it for a little before nodding and moved to the side so that it was Starscream who sat in his lap instead, the height difference between them made more apparent when the seeker tried to maneuver his arms and legs around Soundwave before finding where he wanted to lay his head and pedes. Slowly, they’d managed to work out a system.  A system that included Soundwave being able to snuggle against Starscream while he ate out of the seeker’s servos—taking whatever had been offered and fed to him without hesitation or care.

Occasionally Soundwave’s servos would wander, ghosting the right side of Starscream’s hip, tapping on it as if to see if it’d had changed since their encounter in the lake. Luckily nothing had happened yet, the fire had done the work to dry out any extra moisture and Soundwave’s quick thinking had stopped the joint from locking in on itself any more than it would’ve if they didn’t try to reset it themselves. Still, Soundwave found himself massaging the area a little, his finials tuned into the little chirps and trills that came from Starscream’s throat—the seeker was happy to be touched like that, he liked the attention his hip was receiving. Things are peaceful.

But maybe Soundwave had relaxed too soon because all of the sudden he can feel their egg cry to be released, she’s stressed, and more than desperate to be ejected from his tape deck. Starscream picks up on her distress first, crawling out of Soundwave’s lap, he looks at the other mech, with concern until she’s released.

Soundwave catches her, after multiple attempts to flee, their egg rolls out and into his arms and lays there. She’s as still as a plank. Panic starts to overtake Soundwave’s circuitries as his motherboard jumps to the worst case scenario—had he hurt his sparkling on accident? There’s a brush of contact as Starscream tries to take her from him, but he is met with resistance from Soundwave, who pulls away as if the seeker’s touch was corrosive, hiding the egg in his arms.

“Why do you not trust me to hold her?” Starscream said, angrily. He tried to keep his voice from erupting any louder, but it was difficult—difficult when he sees Soundwave shrink into himself and their sparkling, he did it even more whenever he tried to take the egg back as well. Starscream began to frown, their sparkling was too warm right now, she had been incubated too long. And even now her sire refused to hand her over. “Soundwave—”

“No—Soundwave is just…”

“Just what.”

Soundwave could only whimper when he heard the venom in Starscream’s voice, stranded like a boat lost at sea, left without the stars to guide him home. Coolant started to leak from his optics, blurring his line of vision as he revealed his faceplate to Starscream, unsure how to admit why he had started acting like this—that he was petrified because he had lost one egg before and didn’t want to lose this one as well. Not when he had promised to keep her safe. Even if he knew whatever was happening to his sparking could always prove to be nothing, but a simple scare in the end. His frame refused to move or let go.

The blankness of Starscream’s optics, however, is enough to make him stop for a moment, the signs of a distorted but brief acceptance as if he had realized something—and Soundwave did too. He had seen Starscream make that expression before. Back when they were stranded on a planet together and the seeker had asked him: Would you fall in love with me? And he had never responded—he never promised a future and the door for more had been left alone—not closed, not opened, just there. Reasonably back then it’d felt like he didn’t trust Starscream in the end and now it’d felt like he didn’t trust Starscream to hold their sparkling or know how to care for her.

Soundwave brought his knees forward, chin tucked on top of his sparkling’s egg shell. She seemed to be okay, but sluggish when he called out to her with his spark. Mascara is streaming down his cheeks but his shoulders continue to shake a little, stressed he’ll do something horrible again if he speaks or doesn’t speak—he doesn’t want to hurt his sparkling anymore than he already has, he doesn’t want to hurt Starscream anymore as well, he doesn’t want to hurt those he loves anymore with his silence.

“Soundwave is scared, but not because he doesn’t trust Starscream, but because he doesn’t trust himself,” he said, whispering. “Soundwave is scared that he has harmed him and Starscream’s precious miracle due to his incompetence.”

Starscream opened his mouth, but then closed it. The corner of his optics started to soften and he moved to sit next to Soundwave, hesitant to touch the other mech, but slowly reached over to wipe away the coolant that stained his lover’s scared and shaking faceplate. “She’s just a little warm right now, wants to cool down,” he said, softly. “So let me hold her right now, okay? I’m much colder in temperature compared to you…and stop crying. It's embarrassing. How old are you again, Soundwave?"

Soundwave tried to nod in response and hand over their sparking, but all he could do was hiccup and say, "Stupid jet." The words come out faster than he can think, and all Soundwave can do is blame himself a little for that, for not paying attention to the filter of words that slip from his glossa—it’s another old bad habit.

"Oh my Primus, look who's talking,” Starscream said, annoyed. But despite his words, he didn’t seem that bothered, more concerned with how his sparkling began to move on her own again, tapping against his canopy, desperate for the cold. How strange, he thought. It made him wonder if they were supposed to have twins again. “Look at you! Your mouth keeps going as you cry. I have no idea what you're saying. And what's with that shade of lipstick you wear every day? You're so sentimental!"

"Soundwave likes to wear it all the time because it's the same one Starscream gave to him back then! The same exact shade."

"You're such a brat. What am I supposed to say in response to that, huh? Am I supposed to kiss you then!"

Soundwave shook his head to the side before slamming his forehead into the side of Starscream’s shoulder and grumbling out the word. "Love!" He says it firmly with vitriol.

"What! Repeat that," Starscream said, yelling. He felt embarrassed.

"Starscream should declare his love for Soundwave, so he can say accept and say that he's always loved Starscream too."

“You—” Starscream said, blushing. He squinted at Soundwave as if trying to discern whether or not they were still in the same reality right now, and after determining that they must have been he said, “You do…?”

“Yes. He’s not lying, nor does he feel what he says is out of obligation for his and Starscream’s sparkling. It is what he’s always felt, but struggled to admit out loud to himself and others…He’s always loved Starscream,” he said, taking a deep breath, his gaze never leaving the seeker. “And before Starscream says that it isn’t true or can’t be. It’s still Starscream that Soundwave misses. It’s Starscream who points out to him when he’s being dumb…who pinches his chin and cheeks to kiss him because he’s too stubborn to admit he wants to be kissed, Starscream who makes his spark turn out of love when the world feels dull. Starscream who says, he shouldn’t stuff himself or starve himself out of grief.”

Starscream sat there feeling as if a bucket of cold oil had been dumped on his head—he knew Soundwave was being genuine right now, and that he should say something nice right now, but the words don’t come out. The wires in his processors cross and shorten, the look in Soundwave’s optics, however, never falters, nor does his EM field—it hits him like a piercing note.

He sighed. “When did you learn to speak so sweetly, Soundwave? Seriously, who taught you. I should hit them over the head, for teaching you how to melt my spark like this.”

Soundwave lowered his head, the action would’ve come off meek if not for how well they knew the other by now, he saw how the corner of Soundwave’s lips began to curve, they carried his features all the way up like a crescent moon—his lover felt proud, superior even that his words were more than enough to satisfy and quiet his temperamental lover into admitting there was nothing wrong with his words—a lesson of acceptance.

“This sparkling better not take after you,” Starscream said. “Or, we’re going to be in for a world of pain when she learns how to talk and argue with us.”

“Soundwave will study the pen more in preparation for his youngest's honey laced glossa.” He propped his chin onto Starscream’s shoulder after that, wrapped his servos around the seeker’s waist, humming softly. “He looks forward to it.”

“More like Soundwave should study how to control his internal temperature more when incubating his daughter!” Starscream yelled. He rolled his optics, but let Soundwave snuggle into his neck—their egg, however, had started to beep and shake up a fuss as if she too had been inspired to speak.

“She’s speaking,” Soundwave said, he was in awe. “Wonder what she’s saying right now…”

“I bet she’s saying you're being an idiot right now,” Starscream responded. He laughed when Soundwave tried to kiss their sparking and apologize to her with his coolant filled optics, the eruption of emotions from earlier have now faded.

It’s long been replaced with the gentle patter of the rain and the budding yet regulated temperature of warmth that's shared between the three of them.

Notes:

How could I have not realized it sooner?
My lips pressed to your neck
Your touch against my back
I’m sorry for learning how to answer so late
Forgive me love

Chapter 16: Ode to You

Notes:

The previous events of "he's taken, thanks though!" were mentioned/referenced here

“Starscream trying to find something?” Soundwave said, confused. He was in the middle of holding their egg right now, the sparkling inside growing more and more restless, fussy even. Though she liked it when Soundwave held her, sometimes she wanted Starscream to do it instead, especially at night—she was spoiled rotten between the two of them. “Is it for egg baby?”

“Sort of. It's related to her,” Starscream said, servos knee-deep in a field of flowers, on the hunt for something right now, but it wasn’t here. Slowly he began to frown, wondering if he had misremembered. His carrier had always said if he ever had a sparkling or had found someone he was willing to spend the rest of his spark with, there would be something for him to find here. It wasn’t a test or anything, more like a final gift to him from his creators—his carrier, to be exact. “Strangely, my carrier said something would be here when I was ready to come and find it, but I can’t.”

“What is Starscream looking for exactly? Soundwave can help search too.”

“It’s okay. Maybe I’m misremembering what my carrier said was left for me. She told me about it when I was still a sparkling.”

Soundwave shook his head but stepped forward to look at the fields of lilac flowers that surrounded him and the tall, sky-like buildings that could be seen in the distance from where they stood—the outskirts of Vos were beautiful, perhaps even colorful; there was a pair of seekers in the sky as well. They circled each other, chirping, their voices filling the atmosphere as if to express their love for one another.

How romantic, he thought. Soundwave had his audials tuned into their chirps; they were billowing like the wind that brushed past his mask like a spring kiss. The seekers were calling for each other, learning to recognize each other by the sounds they made, their EM fields, but at that moment Soundwave wanted to take flight too, feeling the drop in his spark as he looked down from where the seekers soon flew off to.

He had always been a little saddened by the fact he couldn’t float or fly the same way Starscream, Skywarp, Nova Storm, and Thundercracker could. Naturally, when he engaged in his alt mode, he was more than capable of flight, but it was different to have back wings, far different. So often, he wonders what it’d be like to see the stars, to touch them even if only at a distant blip with his servos.

Maybe his sparkling will inherit wings in his place. Soundwave looked down at his sparkling, the one who was still dormant in her egg, resting, and rubbed her shell. His little passenger was still around and kicking, but right now she was snuggled into his arms.

Starscream seemed to notice what he had been looking at earlier and said, “The Great Migration is coming up soon, but it isn't that close either. They must be rather excited for it,“ he said, laughing. “Are you going to court me, Soundwave? I think it’s about time you do.”

“Starscream should do it first,” Soundwave said, huffing. His initial embarrassment, though fading, had taken a sharper uptick of emotion when he noticed Starscream was smirking. He was smirking and looking at his finials—besieged with the knowledge that there was embarrassment hidden behind their wriggling. “Starscream owes Soundwave at least a million flight crowns to make up for his previous cowardice!”

“Idiot, that means you owe me a ‘million flight crowns’ too.”

“Soundwave is superior in everything he does. A million flight crowns are no problem for him to craft.”

Starscream ignored his lover’s proud voice but didn’t hide the smile that had started to appear. Soundwave had become more and more bold with him lately, either with his words or through his actions.

At first, it’d been a cause for concern, or rather a cause for confusion for the seeker. Especially when Soundwave would insist on staying by his side, it was like they were glued at the hip or servos—all over again—for a while he thought it was because of the sparkling. But then it proved to still be that way even when they left their sparkling with Ravage or Thundercracker while they went to go do something. Soundwave would continue to stay by his side like a lovesick puppy—kissing him even, every chance he got.

He would often find himself overtaken by the smell of lipstick and Soundwave’s lips pressed against his, then his cheeks and forehead, servos gripped against his waist as the long but peaceful moons passed between them. Thundercracker said he looked like a walking billboard for the makeup brand Soundwave liked to wear whenever that happened. Not that Starscream minded, but he did mind how difficult it was sometimes to remove the marks on his wings. Soundwave had a tendency to leave them where they’d be hardest to remove or find until they shared a bath together before recharge.

And when the kisses had ended, then it’d have just been Soundwave’s mask or nose touching his faceplate—Starscream found it hard to get a word in sometimes because he’d always be stopped with a kiss or a distinct chirp from Soundwave, who wanted to be kissed back or told he looked good today. Sometimes he just wanted to hold servos or have his makeup done by him.

To the other mech, it was important for them to engage in these types of activities right now, vital, he would pout, peering into the depths of Starscream’s clear and idle confusion—despite it all, he went with it. Indulging Soundwave as he asked or desired without issue or concern if it was like dancing on the web of a patient but hungry spider, he was more than confident in his relationship by now—compared to before. Intimate in the silence, Soundwave is full of smiles and warmth.

Megatron was the first to notice the permanence of their budding relationship, the brunt of it at least, when he saw more of their faceplates on Earth. It’d been a slow and awkward transition, but Soundwave didn’t seem to care much when his old leader showed up or tried to talk to him. He would just turn his head, busying himself by holding onto a piece of Starscream—servo, wing, hip—or their egg.

Starscream never said anything or tried to push Soundwave to say much when Megatron would stop by with Optimus. He knew better than anyone how hard old wounds were to lick at. It was a miracle no one was fighting, verbally or physically. Betrayal does not fade. Forgiveness is not always given. People have to live with what has been done and what can’t be changed.

“Have you and Soundwave been courting each other lately?” Megatron said. It was another sunny day, and he had decided to drop by with his sparkling. Despite the complicated feelings between them all, Soundwave liked Megatron’s sparkling. He got along with her. Sometimes they went fishing, like right now, while Starscream stayed under the shade with their egg—just a step away from joining them.

“Me? Soundwave? Courting?” Starscream said, confused. He frowned out of habit but forced himself to take a few deep breaths before responding, “I don’t know what you mean by that.”

“Ah,” Megatron said. He sat right next to Starscream, his gaze never leaving his sparkling. She was in the middle of showing off her catch to him, jumping for joy while Soundwave nodded in approval. It was a decent-sized fish, though small when compared to a sparkling her age. She was happy. Usually the best she could catch was a rock or piece of driftwood. “He’s been more affectionate with you, hasn’t he?”

“Isn’t that just how he always is? That stupid hunk of metal has always been affectionate to me.”

It wasn’t a lie when he said that. Starscream knew better than anyone what type of mech Soundwave was deep down. He could be strange at times, speechless even, but he always remembered things, noticed things, and found whatever little intersections of space were available for those he cared for and loved. But he also knew Megatron wasn’t wrong to say that Soundwave had been more affectionate lately to him since they arrived on Earth, stayed together, and lived together.

Starscream was worried he would never get used to it. It’s more like a dream to him that it’s possible. It’s not like before, where he would ask himself, when does it end? If not now, then when? Trace the scars that line Soundwave’s frame before kissing them, be pulled in his recharge so they were even closer, spent their days to the point it feels as if it was supposed to be permanent—No it is permanent.

He knows better than to doubt things, but he always feels that there are still many things that are left unsaid between them. Like how they’d met before in Kaon once, slept together even, but Soundwave didn’t seem to remember him. Granted, the name he used now was different, and his paint had changed, but Soundwave couldn’t even remember the name: Ultchar.

And the only time he had ever managed to ask Soundwave was when he was recruiting people for the Decepticons. It wasn’t as if Soundwave were the only reason Starscream wanted to join. He had his own beliefs about things. Some of it had come out of his own experiences, but some of it had always derived from his initial encounter with Soundwave. It’d left him thinking about a lot of things, how things were, and why it was wrong for certain places to revolve so heavily on a caste system.

But when Starscream tried to approach Soundwave, he didn’t recognize him. He would look at him even more strangely when asked if he remembered anyone by that name from Vos and shake his head as if it’d never crossed his mind, not even once. A name that was too far to read or recall. Starscream struggled to mention it again because of that encounter—embarrassed of how he would be perceived if Soundwave did manage to put two and two together eventually. Figure out that he had always loved him from afar and knew of him from before, yet had never managed to speak up about it again, even now.

“Maybe, but I’ve never seen him be so publicly affectionate with anyone beside his cassettes or Ravage,” Megatron said. His words snap Starscream out of his little daydream. Enough to make out the rest of what was said. “Maybe Thundercracker too, but she’s only so adjacent to you, so it makes sense.”

“Ever think that’s because we were that good at hiding things from you? Soundwave used to shove me into a closet whenever you walked by. Couldn’t be caught dead with me, he said. Refused to let people know about what we were up to.”

Megatron smiled after hearing that and nodded. He still remembered how strange Soundwave would act sometimes. How it’d started after he and Starscream returned from a gala—returned to him with the weapons they were promised. Soundwave, though drunk, was coherent in his report on what they did or saw, but he was also rather elusive when questioned why he was walking with a slight gait in his step. Starscream, for once, had stayed quiet. He just stared at him, paying more attention to Soundwave before asking if they were free to leave now that things had been delivered to him.

He remembered saying yes after that, but not before pulling Soundwave to the side while Starscream had been given permission to leave. Soundwave said nothing happened between them when asked, but Megatron felt that must have been a lie. Because following that, he would see the two of them more often than not together—but sometimes Soundwave seemed to believe that he hadn’t spotted them or seen the change in their relationship. He would shove Starscream off of him whenever they were mere clicks away from being discovered or caught, locking the perplexed and angered Starscream behind a door before greeting him like always. Soundwave would show his respect.

And Megatron could only think that his little pupil was strange. He could get on one knee and tilt his chin to the ground and pretend like he hadn’t allowed Starscream of all mechs to touch his waist or servos just moments ago. Pretend like they weren’t caught, or that they looked to be courting each other like how mechs from Kaon would do.

“Do you remember when I used to pull you to the side and ask you what your intentions with Soundwave were on the Nemesis?” he asks.

“Yeah?” Starscream said, still confused. “And I said it was none of your business, old man.”

Megatron laughed. “Fair enough.”

Starscream frowned. “Why bring that up now?”

“Touch is important in Kaon. It’s very important to maintain a heavy degree of personal and physical closeness with someone, especially if you intend to be with them. It’s how…we see courting? That’s why I tried to ask you… back then about what you were doing with Soundwave.”

“Soundwave never told me.”

“Soundwave… as you already know, he has never been one for courting, any type of courting, let alone interested enough to take Kaon courting very seriously or do it himself. Until now. I can see that he’s been trying to court you…in his own way. Properly too.”

Starscream fell silent after that and stared down at his sparkling. She was tilted to the side right now as if to stare at him. Don’t be like your sire, he thought, or too much like him at the very least.

“Is there…” Starscream said, slowly. “...Is there a way to court him back? Or, let him know I accept.”

“There is, yes,” Megatron replied.

By the time Soundwave was finished fishing with Megatron and Optimus’s sparkling. He noticed Starscream was talking with their old leader, talking with him in detail over something before their optics met. And Starscream looked away almost immediately as if embarrassed that he had been caught, leaning further to Megatron’s side, their voices growing quieter.

Tempted to check their thoughts, Soundwave was met with resistance, or thoughts that told him to stop being so nosy from Starscream. Megatron was too busy thinking about the past, so he stopped trying to read into things—letting the thoughts fade from his processors and audials. The ringing gradually subsides after that, replaced with the sound of nature. He would have to ask Starscream about it another time then, when they were alone.

⊹₊⟡⋆

Starscream sat at the edge of the tub, and Soundwave sat inside of it, his faceplate exposed as he leaned up against the wall with his optics still trained on their sparkling—she had been propped up with some towels they’d found lying around but refused to stay anywhere but near him.

“She must like you,” Starscream jokes. He got in the tub after that as Soundwave shifted from where he was to give the seeker more room. It was a decently sized bathing area, but with two giant mechs, maybe not so much, but they managed.

“Starscream still hasn’t named her,” Soundwave said. He reached forward, trying to maneuver his legs so that the seeker could lay on top of him a little more, before pressing the tip of their noses together. “Soundwave hasn’t either, as well.”

“Calling her an egg baby isn’t enough?”

Soundwave snorted. “Egg baby is just a nickname. Not her actual name. Similar to how Starscream calls her brat all the time”

“Because she is.”

“She is not. She is well-behaved.”

“Well-behaved for her sire,” Starscream corrects. “She’s only good when you’re around.”

“Must be for a reason,” Soundwave said, smirking. “Egg baby knows—”

His body trembled slightly as Starscream’s cold servos made their way out of the water and onto his metal. It silenced him in almost an instant. More when he felt something soft press against his forehead, then lips. Starscream, however, acted as he always did, in awe of Soundwave’s scars. His makeup had already been long wiped away, revealing what was hidden from most.

“I hope she has your faceplate,” Starscream said softly. His digits start to rub circles into the rough parts of Soundwave’s cheeks, staring at him as if he were the most dangerous drug in the world. “If not, then your personality.”

Soundwave’s palms are rough and open when they press into Starscream’s knuckles. The action is all he needs to cement the gentleness that’s going on between them. The atmosphere is almost too silent, if not for the hum of their fans—they move in sync. But Soundwave is still confused about why Starscream has said those things.

“Soundwave wants her to take after Starscream too,” he said, pouting a little. It felt unfair to ask for their sparkling to only take after one of them after all. “He wants her to inherit Starscream’s optics.”

Starscream pressed his lips together, his optics stared at Soundwave as if attempting to search for something, but couldn’t find it. He frowned after that and looked out at their egg for a brief click, then at Soundwave. “Do you really not remember me?” he asks. “Not even a little bit? After all we’ve gone through.”

Soundwave can feel his memory banks split. His thoughts are close to breaking down. But he has no idea what Starscream was talking about right now—have they met before? He would’ve remembered if so, or he hopes so. Then he saw Starscream sigh. He saw him grow annoyed.

“We met once in Kaon. You landed on top of me. Slept with me—stole all my money before I woke up!”

“Soundwave would remember Starscream if he did all of those things to him. In fact, he only did it to one mech, and that mech was named something else! He even looked and spoke differently than Starscream.”

“Oh yeah? Then how come I know about you shaking me down like a classic old-school bully when I tried to talk to you about getting my plant? That you almost burned the roof of your inner palate because you hadn’t eaten enough that day, that you kept staring out at the vendors we passed by and pretended to not want anything until I offered. You were so gluttonous and greedy. I was almost eaten out of Shanix that night!”

Something dawned on Soundwave after that. “You’re Ulchtie!” he said, shocked. It’d been too long since he had said that name, so it sounded coarse and less eloquent than he would have preferred to hear, but when combined with the sudden revelation that Starscream had brought up things only that person could’ve known, he felt angry. Angry enough to curse out Starscream verbally in the Kaonian dialect. “Why didn’t Starscream tell Soundwave?“ he said, long after his verbal spewage had ended.

“I did,” Starscream argued. He rolled his optics and withdrew his servos from Soundwave’s cheeks to look at him strangely. “I did try to tell you. I tried to tell you who I was by asking if you remembered someone by the name Ulchtar, but then you said that name didn’t ring a bell. That it must’ve been too insignificant for you to recall. Is—is that why you don’t remember me? Because you remembered the wrong name?!”

Soundwave fell silent. Starscream had asked him once if he knew anyone by the name of ‘Ulchtar,’ and he said he didn’t. He really didn’t at the time. The closest thing he knew was the name Ulchtie, but the paint didn’t match. “Why does Starscream use a different name now…why is his paint different from before? Did he give Soundwave a fake name back then?”

“No,” Starscream said, firmly. “Ulchtar is my hatch name, but I stopped going by it long after we met. Starscream is more of a nickname my friends gave me back in the day because I scream a lot, and my major used to be in astrology or something before I changed it. Also, the reason I looked different was because I’d just come out of my mourning period. Seekers are required to paint themselves in the memory of their carriers and watch over their graves. My carrier used to have a white frame with black, blue, and red parts, so I painted myself in her memory before standing for her vigil. I just happened to be in Kaon that day.”

There’s a sudden numbness to his spark after hearing Starscream’s explanation. He can’t make out the rest of what’s happening by then—everything is on autopilot—Soundwave’s optics have long shifted to their egg, to where she sits comfortably still. The guilt that he felt a while back when walking around Kaon with his sparkling, with the intention to show her things. It began to double when he remembered how he had reacted in front of Starscream when she started to overheat in his tape deck—his previous actions and words in the cave were still unexplained—everything had reared its ugly head again.

And it was as if his entire frame had turned to stone as he realized Starscream hadn’t lied. He had tried to remind him before. He had tried to ask him if he knew of the name Ulchtar, but he never did. Then it hit Soundwave that the sparkling he had been blessed with once in the past must have also been Starscream’s and his. Was it any wonder he felt so ignorant until now? He wondered what else he had missed or done to (unintentionally) hurt those he loves.

The worst of his guilt—his sparkache is the reminder that he alone carries the burden of knowledge that they may or may not have had a sparkling long before the war—the keen emptiness of his arms where his beloved miracle used to lay or sleep is no longer there—if it even existed. Soundwave doesn’t want to imagine what happens next when Starscream learns of this. Will he even want to stay with him after learning they were supposed to have not just one miracle, but two? 

He tries to move, but something cold stops him. It grips into his wrists—forcing him to snap back into reality.

“Stop—” Starscream said. With his stern tone, perhaps an old remnant of his days as leader, he forced Soundwave to meet his petrified expression. “Dammit, Soundwave! I said, snap out of it. You’re scaring me and the sparkling right now!”

There’s a distinct yet familiar grip into his faceplate as Soundwave realizes what had happened. While he was lost in his own thoughts—spiraling because of it—he had clawed himself again, doing it in front of his intended and sparkling. Waves and waves of coolant have already trickled their way down into his fresh wounds. The sting is unforgettable, but what’s more unforgettable is the shake in Starscream’s frame. Or, how close his egg is to the edge of the tub right now, maybe she’s unable to see the outside world, but she can sense and hear her sire’s distress, the distress her carrier feels right now. So, she rolls closer but is unable to touch him.

And the world felt faint as the stricken seeker tried to hold him, pull him closer, but struggled to find the words to soothe or understand what had happened. Finding he could do nothing but hold Soundwave closer and against the crook of his neck as he continued to sob and apologize for something, but what, Starscream had no idea.

He was only able to make out the words: Soundwave is sorry. Forgive him. He didn't mean to forget or lose our first egg baby. He didn’t know. He didn’t know.

Notes:

I truly did not expect you
My heart
My mind
My everything

Chapter 17: Here Lies Me

When Soundwave woke up, he found himself lying on the floor of the living room, blankets and pillows thrown and positioned against his sides. The television was on, playing something. It helped to fill the noise as he came online, and his egg was nestled in his arms, but there was no Starscream in sight. The scent of his polish and EM field was around, though, enough to calm any potential fear of being abandoned. And their sparkling is safe.

“Awake?” Starscream asks. He sighed as Soundwave nodded and tried to scoot over to make some room for him on the floor, still embarrassed about what had happened earlier in the bathroom. His anxious freak-out. “Do you want to tell me…” he tried to say at first, “are you hungry, Soundwave?”

“Starving,” Soundwave mumbled. He was relieved but shocked when Starscream pulled out a tub of lemon sorbet and placed it in his servos with a spoon—when was the last time he ate like this? He’s not sure, but he can feel the twitch in his finials. “Thank you.”

“Family doesn’t have to say thank you.”

“Soundwave still wants to show his appreciation for the sorbet.” He leaned on Starscream’s shoulder after saying that, motioning for the seeker to hold their egg so he could eat, and as he did. “Soundwave was sparked once. He was sparked after interfacing with Starscream in Kaon, before the war. He doesn’t know if it was real or not, but he had an egg to look after some time had passed. Like the one Starscream is holding now.”

“What do you mean you had an egg?” Starscream said, confused. “How does one not know if it wasn’t…” He slowed his words and shook his head, “Never mind. What makes you say that?”

“Because Soundwave was afraid someone would take his egg away back then since he’s not supposed to be a carrier. That’s why he never told anyone about it. Not even Ravage was told, out of fear she’d be punished or tortured for knowing. Then one day, Soundwave came back from a match and realized his egg had vanished. And he had no one around to tell or confirm to him if it was all in his head or not. If he actually had an egg to even care for.”

“Do you remember what it looked like?”

Soundwave nodded. “It looked like egg baby. Was cold too…probably was going to be a girl. She was rather cold and liked to sleep in Soundwave’s tape deck at night back in the pits.”

Starscream stared at the egg in his servos before looking up at Soundwave, who had a spoon in his mouth, the marks on his faceplate still apparent. He then thought about what Megatron had told him earlier—courtship in Kaon was typically considered completed when both parties engaged in mutual touch, but also the repairing of each other’s frames. Soundwave had been helping to take care of his hip from time to time, accompanied by his compulsion to stay close or kiss him every day, no matter the time or event. “Was that why you were…back at the lake and cave?” he said, softly.

There’s a drop in his spark when Soundwave begins to nod, his optics reflecting a pool of sadness, only adding to his understanding of what had been happening for the past few moons between them. Why Soundwave had acted so strange on his own—acted without thinking sometimes when left alone to babysit their sparkling.

“Soundwave regrets not knowing what happened to his first sparkling. He regrets not knowing if she grew up okay or being able to name her properly. He only had an idea but never got to call her by anything other than his ‘egg baby.’ Maybe it’s silly, but Soundwave likes to call both his eggs, egg baby.”

“Maybe she got adopted by someone kind in your absence,” Starscream says, attempting to offer some comfort, but he himself is struggling to accept the news. Learning that not only was he supposed to be a sire, but also that he was supposed to grieve being one. 

He muses to himself that the pain he feels must be like a drop of oil when compared to how Soundwave feels. Yet it is strange to know he had a sparkling before. Harder now that he’s become a carrier to another one, and she’s here now with him. Listening to all of this. He wonders how she feels, but when he scans her over, she’s calm as if she’s already heard all of this before.

Curiously, Starscream asks, “You really haven't told anyone this before?”

“He told this egg baby,” Soundwave responds, “when he took her to Kaon for a field trip.”

“Oh.”

“Soundwave will take Starscream there too. He’s been meaning to do that as well.”

The subtle throb in his spark starts to fizzle away. He felt relieved to finally tell someone. It wasn’t that he had never trusted Ravage or his cassettes with the knowledge that he had defied what was supposed to be the impossible—long after he had accepted what may or may not have happened—but it was more that he struggled to face it. Face the fact that his dreams of having a sparkling of his own one day had slipped from him as fast as they had arrived. And as he learned to forget and bury what happened, he was slowly drip-fed the idea that the mech he loved was going to have a sparkling without him. Then pelted with the news that it was his sparkling, that he was going to have another sparkling to care for, that the sparkling he had raised before may or may not have had before was a girl, and it was Starscream who had gifted her to him. No one else.

And he wonders: How? How is he supposed to navigate such sorrow, sorrow that has fewer answers and more questions to it?

Then Soundwave feels a servo to his cheek, and he’s torn from his thoughts all over again by Starscream, who kisses his forehead and says, “I’d go anywhere, so long as it has you, Soundwave.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” Starscream said, “but first, let me help repair you.”

He then kissed Soundwave’s faceplate, decorating it with a plethora of kisses. The blue of his optics was filled with the glow of the television, but also hearts. The pupils of his optics are shaped like that again, for him and only him. And Soundwave can only nod, struggling to stop himself from apologizing for the leak that’s sprung from his optics as Starscream starts to reach for his tools and wipe his tears as they trickle down his chin.

The world falls silent after this. Neither speaks of what is next or how the space between them has closed—it all comes down to the delicate chirps and trills that come from their voices. Soundwave pushes his nose into Starscream’s cheek, the sound of his engines more than enough to speak for his desires and acceptance of the other’s proposal—the courtship style that only belongs to and is accepted by mechs from Kaon is accepted and confirmed between them. But Soundwave wants more.

“Starscream,” he says. “Can Soundwave read your mind? He will let you do the same. It’s something his carrier taught him once. She said it was what he should do when he met someone he wanted to be with and love forever.”

“My mind?” Starscream said, putting their egg to the side for a moment. “Are you sure?”

He looked over to the side, servos no longer pressed to the side of Soundwave’s cheeks. The marks on his faceplate are barely visible now—it’s as if they’d never existed, but they’re still there. He can tell despite it not being his first time having to repair such damage.

They speak of the ache in Soundwave and his spark—the loss for what should’ve been but wasn’t allowed, either by pure chance or fate. They’d missed their chance the first time around to raise a sparkling, yet had come together to raise another. It’s so strange he almost doesn’t know what to think of it, other than maybe this was how it was always intended—despite what the stars deemed proper, the wheel of fate.

“Yes,” Soundwave said. He raises his voice and pushes Starscream to the floor, locking his frame beneath him. “He is very sure. Surer than he has ever been. This is what he wants. He wants to share his happiest and saddest memories with Starscream.”

Starscream stared at him for a while but then reached forward to touch Soundwave’s cheek, his thumb teasing the edge of his lips until it was bitten and held there with a strong grip. The intent is so clear, yet vague.

“Okay,” he said softly. “If that is what Soundwave wants, then we’ll do that. I’ll let him see my happiest and saddest memories too, but how?”

“There are two ways Soundwave was taught. The first is easier. Kissing is enough to initiate and complete a memory transfer, but the second… is deeper and relies on revealing one's spark. A merge.” 

“Deeper?”

Soundwave nodded. “Deeper because it lets you walk through a person’s memories and experience it as if you were also there. Does Starscream want to do that? Soundwave doesn’t really have an opinion. Either is okay with him.”

Starscream massages the old scarring that drags across Soundwave’s cheek. They stare at each other for a little longer until there’s a loud audible click, and the seeker looks to the side, trying to ignore the soft gasp that leaves his lover’s lips.

“It’s beautiful,” Soundwave said, softly. In front of him is Starscream’s spark. It’s round and blue. His canopy has long been opened. It was like stepping into a bottomless lake when Soundwave continued to stare at it. “Starscream is beautiful,” he says.

“Are you going to do it or not?” Starscream says, annoyed. But his cheeks are warm, and the beat in his spark is obvious when he looks away. More when Soundwave leans in with his own spark exposed to the world, and the glimmer in his optics is telling Starscream other things. They were both satisfied with this decision to merge sparks, even if only for a second.

“Yes,” Soundwave said, softly. "He's always been ready."

Notes:

Hope is all I can wish for
And patiently sit with
And never ask for it to stop

Chapter 18: Abashed and Smiling

Notes:

*taps sign* I took a lot of creative liberties with my world building here, also some mentions of the past abuse Starscream has suffered too

mistakes may be inevitable and caught by me later

The garden is quiet and the pathway is made out of colorful crystals, Soundwave can’t help, but look around in awe. He’s never been here before, but the mech in front of him has. She walks with grace, her wings are spread with pride, but her faceplate is covered in a thin purple cloth, behind her is a sparkling.

The sparklings optics are bright, he’s chirping away about what he had found earlier with his sire. He reaches to hold her servo, intent on showing off his latest experiment to her, she seems to accept it before saying they’ve gone too far. She’s out of breath again. And in response he stops to help her sit down, he crawls into her lap to hug her as she leans in and starts to tell him about something important.

Soundwave starts to realize he’s looking at a much younger version Starscream and who must be his carrier from when she was still alive. He also starts to realize how alike they look despite the cloth that covers her faceplate as she takes his servo, holding it in hers—but it’s so small. “The Great Migration is coming, Ulchtar,” she said to him, rather happily. “Are you excited, my dear?”

“You mean that weird courting thing. You and Sire do every cycle even though the elders say you don’t have to because you’re already together?” he said, upset. Starscream kicks his pedes and servos up, tussling himself from his carrier and onto the ground, creating a sense of distance. He stares at her, but he also returns to her in a flash. Soundwave finds the action endearing.

“It’s not weird,” his carrier says to Starscream, sternly. “It’s special to have a sparkmate and an even bigger privilege to court that same person, every cycle even if they’re already yours. Those silly elders will change their tune in the future one day and when they do, we’ll be the ones laughing at them instead, my dear.”

“And then what?” Starscream said. He looked up at his carrier confused and started to fiddle with the cloth that covered her faceplate. His sire had said it was customary for those sick in Vos to wear it as a status symbol, but he thought it was weird he wasn’t allowed to see his carrier’s faceplate anymore. “I don’t have anyone right now… so what's the point!?”

“What about your future then…?” she teased. “What about when my little Ulchtar decides he wants to be with someone forever.”

“Then I’ll just tell them we’re together!” Starscream said, puffing his cheeks out. “And they will feel super lucky that I, the great Ulchtar, have chosen them to be my sparkmate of all mechs.”

“Oh, but what good will that do if you can’t even make a simple flight crown for them…? You’ll just be rejected in the end.”

“No!” he shouted.

Soundwave laughed from where he was standing, Starscream, or Ulchtar was in the middle of throwing a tantrum while his carrier continued to poke and tease him with her pointer digit. “Keep going on like this and you’ll never get a sparkmate…my little puffball will die alone, not with that type of temperament and lack of knowledge!”

“Then show me how to make a flight crown,” Starscream said, angrily. “Show me!”

His carrier laughed in response, but nodded before kissing his forehead through the cloth that covered her lips. “Let’s go and do that then. I need to make one for your sire anyway.”

Soundwave follows them after that, he's also curious how to make a flight crown, and wanted to make one for Starscream since the Great Migration was coming soon. And as he follows them, Soundwave realizes that Starscream and his carrier are standing in the same spot he had been earlier with his egg baby while Starscream tried to look for something. He wondered if it related to this memory.

“First, you need to make sure you understand what type of flowers you want to use,” Starscream’s carrier said. “Flowers can have a wide variety of different languages, or meanings. Meaning…you wouldn't want to accidentally send your future beloved the wrong message and make them mad.”

“What, like that time Sire accidentally made you a flight crown out of yellow chrysanthemums?”

“Yes. Exactly.”

Starscream made a face. He still remembered how his sire had been sent to sleep on a meteor when she tried to give his carrier a flight crown made out of yellow chrysanthemums. And as his sire and he would learn, his carrier associated the flower with funerals, not love or happiness like his sire did due to the region of Vos she grew up in. Something that was only taught and believed in by those who grew up or lived there, Starscream and his sire would later learn, after her ire had been sated and tamed with a little praise and groveling.

“What about when you have the right ones then?” he asks, staring at the fields of flowers that surround them. His carrier has already picked some purple heliotropes and started to weave them together to form a crown in front of him, Starscream, however, grew frustrated when he tried to copy her movements, but she was too fast and his flowers—irises—were starting to turn into mush under his servos.

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” Starscream said, hot steam coming out of his vents. “Care this is too hard.”

“Here, let your carrier help you then,” she said taking it from him with a gentle laugh.

Soundwave sat down next to Starscream and his carrier with a smile on his face as he watched how to make a flight crown, and tried to mimic it a little on his own before deciding that he would have to practice after getting back to the real world.

In the meantime, he thought Starscream looked rather cute right now, despite how his head was turned the other way, arms crossed over the other, pedes kicked to the sky as he laid on his back declaring that he would never make a flight crown for someone.

“It was too much work,” he said. “I’d never ever do this for someone.”

He said all of this while his carrier continued to laugh and lecture him about how the Great Migration worked and the importance of it as an event of love while she finished her flight crown and put it on his head.

“Ulchtar.”

“Yes, Carrier?”

“If you ever change your mind, there’s a gift waiting for you in this very flower field. Something for you and your future sparkmate to cherish one day and pass on to your own sparklings.”

As the memory starts to fade and the scene changes, instead of a garden, Soundwave is now standing in a room, and a much older Starscream is in front of him. He has his head in his servos, his carrier is now lying on the berth. There’s a curtain around her berth, it’s tall and hung from the ceiling, but the servo that’s reached out to touch him has started to fade and crack as she rubs the top of his helmet.

The color in her frame has clearly started to fade when Soundwave sits next to Starscream and tries to look inside—her voice is dimmer than most, the signs of a spark burning out are all there, yet she still speaks as if she is smiling at him. Soundwave even swears she can see him.

“It’ll be okay,” she said, weakly, but Starscream ignores her and Soundwave wants to hold his servo, but can’t. It goes through, he’s not allowed to alter or change this memory—just experience how it had went. Starscream’s optics are wet with coolant and he can only hiccup in response to his carrier’s words as she continues on. “I know it’s hard to accept, but I don’t regret having you… if I could do it all over again. I would.”

“I don’t,” Starscream said. “If I wasn’t born, you wouldn’t—”

“Silence,” she said, angrily. “I knew what was going to happen when they told me I wanted to carry you to term. And I still did it because I wanted to meet you… My sweet star, don’t cry. You are the child of the cosmos, the ruler of the skies. I’ll always choose to find and repair you. Never forget that. Death is inevitable and so was my time with you and your sire.”

Soundwave's spark starts to ache as he steps forward and tries to reach for Starscream again, to kiss his tears away, but his servo goes right through him as if he were just a ghost. And Soundwave is forced to remind himself—it’s still a memory, he can’t change what has already happened and the rest of the scene plays in front of him.

Slowly he realizes that there may have been a time in his life when Starscream sat at his carrier's berth, holding her servo in his as she took her last breath. His carrier had told him, she prayed to the stars to carry him to term, to hatch him; he was her miracle. And when she was gone, people may point and say he was the reason for her gradual and rapidly declining passing, but the truth was, all shall die. She just happened to go faster than most, she chose to go this way—with no real rhyme or reason behind it.

Yet despite knowing that, Starscream still tried to find why as if there was some ordained reason or star-crossed tragedy behind why his carrier of all mechs had to be taken. Perhaps his sire’s reason for passing was more obvious, a broken spark. Evident when she herself stopped eating and shut herself from the world, from her own sparkling—refusing to even look him in the optic or pay attention to his achievements—for he looked too much like his carrier. And she couldn’t bring herself to care for the world without her in it.

Starscream looked to be at some party now, he has a drink in his servo. Taking in the sight, it looks like a celebration for an experiment working out as intended, funding was granted. By the time Soundwave realizes this, he notices someone has already approached Starscream for a conversation while he had gone off to do a little exploring. Saddened by the thought he couldn’t partake in the festivities or the food laid out on the table.

The faceplate of the person talking to Starscream is hard to make out, but the voice is clear. Despite the name still being unfamiliar to him, drawing a complete blank in his power bank of memories, Soundwave recognizes this mech by his frame alone, he was at the party Drift threw for Starscream—one of the seeker’s many old friends from the academy.

“You look like someone who just got robbed blind again,” the mech says. “Did they mess up your paint at the shop again? Paint you magenta?”

“No. Nothing went wrong,” Starscream said, annoyed. He started to rub his right optic. Something was in it. And it had felt like that ever since he left Kaon, woke up to see his things were taken by the mech he had slept with. “My new paint is fine. Wonderful even, the red is bold. I like it.”

“What’s wrong then? Don’t tell me you’re still hung up on that random mech you met in Kaon.”

“No, it just…feels like something is wrong with me, but it’s not that. I don’t think so at least—” Starscream said. He was then surprised all of the sudden when his friend stepped forward and stared at him like they'd realize something. “What?”

“Your optics have changed….”

“No.”

“Oh, my giver of stars, they're definitely different, Ulchtar. You must have been hit with starlight after visiting Kaon,” the mech said, laughing.

“Don't be ridiculous—and stop talking. Someone will throw us out at this rate if you keep running your energon stealing mouth—!” Starscream said, bringing his voice to a sharp whisper. He pushed his friend back until they were out on a balcony, trying to hide the both of them as he closed the doors to it. His neck on an intense swivel as if the mere mention of being ‘hit with starlight’ was taboo.

But Soundwave wanted to know. He stared at the two mechs as they argued. Starscream had his servos gripped onto the balcony, his gaze never meeting his friend, who continued to talk.

“Don’t be ashamed, many from Vos pray for times like this,” the mech said, still laughing. Then shook his head. “Heck, they'd pay to be struck over the head with a guaranteed sparkmate….”

“Well—I don't. I don't even believe in that stuff anymore. Not after my carrier died. You know this.”

“I know, but you're only going to make yourself suffer if you ignore this sign from the stars. What's the saying…?”

“Stop it,” Starscream said, upset. “I don't—”

“Oh, it's. ‘You refuse to let the sunlight in’ that's what it was,” the mech said, tenderly. “So where's the lucky sparkmate?”

“Nowhere. So, can we stop talking about this superficial nonsense? There is no such thing as a guaranteed sparkmate. No such thing as being struck!”

“Fine, but you can't escape what the stars have given you.”

“You mean what they have taken from me,” Starscream murmured.

Soundwave felt it was as if he had gotten more questions than answers. In theory, he should've been the one Starscream had met in Kaon, the timing would've matched if he went off of the memories shown to him, and the rest supplemented by his own. Did that mean he was Starscream's fated sparkmate?

But before he had been given the chance to think on what he had heard; he was hit with an intense smell—something he had only smelled back in the pits of Kaon. But that's not where Starscream's memories had led him, they'd led him to a part of the Nemesis he had never seen before. There were no cameras around, the area was locked off, the floors and walls were covered in energon—painted in it.

Starscream was on the floor, his servos stiff into the ground, curled into a fist, and his voice was hoarse.

“Dammit—damn them all,” he hissed, weakly. After forcing himself to roll over until he was on his back, optics on the ceiling, the seeker started to recall why he was even in this position in the first place.

He had been given another punishment according to Megatron for failing his mission today, for failing to secure the resources they’d been counting on, he was outsmarted by Prime’s scout—Bumblebee. The ringing in his audials was precise but dizzying as he tried to get up, but failed to when his canopy cracked with sudden movement. He let out another curb wrenching scream in response before flopping back onto the floor like a fish and coughed until his limbs began to cramp.

“Worthless piece of metal,” Starscream sneered out loud, “All he knows is how to get angry at me—all he knows is how to beat me until I’m left like this! Ridiculous…I refuse to believe it’s just me who gets this type of treatment.”

It didn’t take much for Soundwave to realize who Starscream was referring to, or who ‘he’ was right now. It was Megatron and this must have been one of those cases when he had punished Starscream for something that was deemed intolerable or traitorous. There were times when Soundwave would step in for the seeker, argue for his plans, but there were also times, he didn’t, or thought whatever Megatron said he had planned to reign the seeker in was understandable.

But now, Soundwave wasn’t so sure. Not when he saw the extent of the damage Starscream had accumulated in his memory, a large piece of his faceplate was missing right now, his digits were broken in and smushed, his wires pulled and clipped out of his chassis. It was less of a leader punishing his subordinate as a way to remind him of his place, and more like a fighter in the pits trying to win under any means necessary because it meant guaranteeing more rations that week, or surviving.

Suddenly Soundwave felt upset at himself, ashamed even as he kneeled down and onto the ground, to look at Starscream, who was still staring at the ceiling right now, coolant leaking down his cheeks. “I don’t get what he sees in him,” he mumbled, softly. “Seriously, what’s so good about him…? Stupid Soundwave. Stupid Megatron.”

Soundwave starts to think of everything he’s seen after hearing that while staring at his clenched and shaking fists, focusing solely on the image of Starscream that tries to wipe his tears before getting up and limping away, the hellfire and destruction that clings to him like pieces of oxidized metal he can’t wash away.

And it reminds Soundwave of his own past as he thinks of who Starscream becomes overtime while serving by his side. The small sparkling, he once saw in the garden that would slow his steps on purpose, hold his carrier's servo until her last breath, the one who still lurks at the effort of every angered word and yell, still begging for the stars to not take his carrier away.

His acceptance when it doesn’t, or never would’ve worked. Not when he has to guard her grave for moons on end, paint his frame in her honor, spread his wings for her. Live with the unimaginable, yet prophesied acceptance that she was always going to pass because of him.

Then his quiet wish for the stars to not take his sparkling as he sits in a white and padded cell, surrounded by the Autobots just a wall away, trying to do the imaginable—be a carrier. Starscream sits there admitting he knows the stars and him have never gotten along, he’s always sworn at them, calling them a traitor, he admits to knowing that his spark will never find rest when he inevitably passes.

But he considered it a reasonable penance for the crimes and sins he has committed, did what he considered what it took to survive such a cruel and useless civil war. Yet he kneels and prays with his forehead pressed to the ground, kissing it—he prays for this sparkling to be spared by the stars in return for his own eternal damnation.

Starscream asks for their forgiveness and blessing before telling the Autobots he’s been sparked, if not for the performance of being looked at and not ignored then it’s because he wants his sparkling to be spared from his stubbornness—he wants Soundwave’s sparkling to be spared from his pride.

When the scene like memory ends, Soundwave wants to do nothing more than to wake in reality to hold Starscream and his sparkling, he wants to hold them safe in his arms, kiss them, but then another scene starts to play for him. And he grows confused when Starscream appears, he’s much younger than his last memory-like appearance, and what's more he’s not alone. Starscream stands with a group of recognizable seekers, they’re trying to enter a greenhouse, but it’s locked.

“Don’t even think about it!” Starscream said, angrily. “Put it down that brick, Acid Storm.”

“Oh, come on, Star,” Acid Storm said, smirking. “Professor never said we couldn’t get in. He just said…have the key on servo.”

Starscream rolled his optics. “Remind me who lost the key again?”

“Not me,” he said. “I just…it slipped and rolled into a vat of lava when I wasn’t looking. Who puts that there, huh!”

“A monkey wrench could keep a key better than you! It could even have its optics removed and still do better!”

“On what planet? You only know how to scream at me!”

The yellow-colored seeker shook his head, but refused to stop them, he just looked around their surroundings. “Keep your voices down guys. There’s a full nest of abandoned eggs nearby. I’d hate for us to get another academic strike on our records because you made them upset.”

“Maybe if we’re lucky, it’ll just be them who gets in trouble,” a femme purple seeker argued. “Hurry and leave them to their own stupid devices, Sunstorm.”

“As much as I’d love to, Slip Stream. We need to get a decent score on this project, or we’re all going to be kicked out.”

Starscream frowned, his optic bridges starting to furrow as he let go of Acid Storm, shoving the green seeker off of him. He hated to admit it but Sunstorm had a point, so he forced himself to tune out the rest of his grievances and focused on where the backup key should’ve been.

But just when he was about to bend down and search the greenery around them or any places that a key would’ve been left by his professor, something slams into his ankle, it knocks him over instantly. Out of the corner of his optical field he can see his fellow classmates laughing at him, but also their shock when they realize what had caused him to fall over so suddenly—an egg. A blue one to be exact, and it felt freezing—tortuously cold.

“What in the—” Starscream said, shocked, but he’s cut off from speaking any further when he sees that the egg is starting to hatch in front of him, and the sound of piping can be heard. Curious he leans forward to get a better look, but is met with the shock of his life when the little blue sparkling manages to hatch and slam into his faceplate.

Her first interaction in the world makes Soundwave break his silence with a heavy laugh. Earlier, he had decided to let the memory play without much interaction, he wouldn’t try to touch or look at much, but after seeing this, and realizing that this must have been how Thundercracker and Starscream met, he’s still laughing, walking over to get a closer look at her.

She chirped after that and said, “Are you, my Care?”

“No,” Starscream said, trying to soothe his now beaten and bruised nose while his friends struggled to hold back their laughter. Their leader was just now defeated by a newly hatched sparkling, or hatching as they called it in Vos. “You’re not mine. Go away.”

He stood up after that, but so did the new hatchling. She ran right after him and said, chirping, “Then you must be my Sire then! I came all this way just to meet you! My carrier said you would be here … so that means he isn’t a liar.”

“Your carrier isn’t here, or among us. You were abandoned and left here to be taken care of by a government assigned nanny later. Which I am not, so go along now, go back to your designated safe nest. You should have enough built into your frame to know what that is.”

“But I don’t want to!” Thundercracker exclaimed.

Starscream frowned after that, and when he looked up, he realized that none of his fellow seekers had even the slightest inkling as to what the hatchling in front of them had been saying, her beeps and clicks must have sounded like a foreign language to them. While he for whatever reason had been able to communicate with her just fine.

Soundwave wondered if it was because Starscream was the first thing Thundercracker had seen and assumed the older seeker was one of her creators, but then he looked at the egg she had hatched out of. And thought that it looked an awful lot like his and Starscream’s previous egg. He shook his head after some thought, it’d have been impossible, but then he heard Thundercracker’s chirp out.

“But my carrier said you live in Vos and you’re loaded! You’re not painted white anymore though…he said you had a mostly white frame… No, he said it looked like you get yourself repainted often.”

“...I think your carrier gave you the wrong information, brat. Because there is no way I’m your designated sire. I haven’t gone on a date with anyone for at least ten orbital cycles, let alone been around anyone long enough to have a sparkling. I’d know.”

“Impossible!” Thundercracker said. She was in tears at this point, clinging onto Starscream’s ankle, or trying to, it must have been hard given how small she was. “My care is never wrong. He even said I’m a good egg baby…maybe a little thunderous thing, but still!”

“Did you get a name then? Your sire's name?” Starscream asks, picking Thundercracker up by the scruff of her collar. “Or are you just going off what you heard in your shell before leaving your carrier's side.”

“.... My carrier said he’s bad with names, so I think my name’s Thundercracker though. Also, he said that I’m not allowed to leave his side, but he missed my sire a bunch…so I went to go and find him. To make my carrier happy!”

“Of course, you did…” Starscream said, clearly aggravated.

Soundwave felt as if an anvil had dropped on his head staring at the dubious pair of seekers in front of him as they continued to bicker. Thundercracker had her servos on Starscream’s cheeks, asking why he felt so cold while he told her to quit it, but she refused.

“What the,” Soundwave said, feeling baffled. As his motherboard tried to put the pieces together, he began to debate if what he had heard and managed to cross reference was indeed correct. It should’ve been, these were Starscream’s direct memories after all which meant—Thundercracker was always theirs.

But how did she end up in Vos? No, how did she escape the pits of Kaon without being detected or taken in by someone else? Maybe he’d never know.

Notes:

Sunstorm, Acid Storm, Slipstream are a trine and together romantically (Skywarp and Nova Storm are their sparklings).

But in their youth they were a rag tag group of academic delinquents who had Starscream has their self assigned leader. The four of them were torturing everyone with their antics and top tier smarts at the Flight Academy before the war... but ended up caring for a sparkling or three in the end (essentially taming them into being reasonable adults) lol

Or, they are one large family made out of the smartest and most insane (of their generation/class), and Thundercracker is who she is is because of them

-

I've never heard of your past before
You sway it to the winds
Yet, here it is for me to see

Chapter 19: Pink Carnations

The unmistakable roar of the crowd is all Starscream is able to make out. He stands in the sand pits of Kaon. Before he would have only been able to stand among the crowd and look down on the fighters from afar, wondering how it looked from their perspective. And now he knows, he knows what it’s like to feel small—the unforgettable smell of energon that permeates the air, the unmistakable sight of Soundwave wielding a weapon over his opponent’s neck as the crowd demands more.

Starscream makes his way over to Soundwave, but is ignored. It’s still just a memory, he has to remind himself. Yet despite knowing that, he still tries to wipe away the energon that drips down Soundwave’s faceplate, forcing him to close one of his optics, and limp back to his quarters.

His master approaches him with disguised praise, but all Starscream can think of is how disgusted he feels when Soundwave is touched on his shoulder, the lurch in his spark when Soundwave forces himself to nod and pretend that things are fine, but he’s nervous. The bend in his finials gives him away—he wants nothing more than to escape, and Starscream wants nothing more than to rip the servo off that’s touching his lover’s chin now, but he can’t.

“Just how much have you suffered?” Starscream asks Soundwave, knowing he'll never get an answer. It’s hopeless to ask now.

Soundwave after being inspected is handed a bag of rations to eat for later, he stares at it long after his master has left, an upset look plastered on his faceplate as if he had been hoping for more. Starscream can’t help but ask why that is until he sees Soundwave enter his quarters and dig for something, revealing a nest—if it could even be called that—made out of thin metal scraps, but in the center is a single egg that starts to roll toward them.

“Hello, egg baby,” Soundwave says, softly. He bends down to pick up the named blue egg and holds it in his arms, slowly he starts to nuzzle and kiss its shell. “Did you get cold while I was away? I won another match…but the master didn’t give me much. Don’t worry, I’ll figure something out for the both of us in the future. Whenever you’re ready to hatch and meet Soundwave. He’ll make sure you never go hungry.”

The egg, however, started to shake and rock in his arms as if it disagreed with something he said.

“I’m good at eating even dirt, don’t worry, egg baby,” Soundwave said, trying to soothe his egg’s rambunctious nature. “Anyway, today's ration is for you again. Don’t be upset with me.”

He got up after that, and started to dig into the ground, revealing a hidden stash of energon rations, but also sweets. Starscream felt his spark plummet when he realized what Soundwave had been doing all this time, or why he was upset earlier when handed his reward for winning against his opponent. He had tasked himself with the goal to keep food for his egg's future. Such a small thing for most mechs, yet it meant everything to Soundwave, who already struggled to eat enough on his own, or scrape it together.

Starscream bent down to stare at the egg that sits to the side watching Soundwave cover the stash again with dirt and rocks. He wants to reach and hold it, but like before when he tried to touch Soundwave or other’s his servo goes right through the egg like he’s a ghost. It looks like Thundercracker’s egg, he thought, but could only sigh as the scene started to change.

“Egg baby?” Soundwave says. He’s frantically searching around his quarters by now trying to find it, but he can’t, his servos hold the edge of the nest he had last left his egg, raising his finials, searching for a single sound. He paces back and forth, chirping for it, waiting for it to respond, but nothing.

There is not even a rattle or squeak. There is not even a peak of blue hiding in the corner, waiting for him to come home. So often, Soundwave has worried one day he will come back to his egg missing, some days he has, but is able to find them within nano clicks, his egg is smart and likes to hide in places not even he can find at first, but they tend to use the same spots, spots only he knows about and often finds them in. But his egg is not there. His egg was nowhere to be found right now.

Starscream can only watch, watch as Soundwave falls to his knees and starts to sob as he calls for his egg baby to come out and greet him like it always does or did, Soundwave shudders while saying they’re not allowed to play hide and seek with him anymore, he’ll get mad if they keep hiding from him, but still there is nothing. Not a single sign of life. It knocks the wind out of Starscream’s wings, similar to Soundwave, he has no clue what has happened to their egg.

“Did someone take you?” Soundwave says through his tears. He has his servos over his optics, and his voice starts to break apart. “Did someone find out about you—Is that why you’re not coming out anymore? Or did I do something to make you leave, egg baby? Did—you even exist…?”

Somewhere beside him on the other side is Starscream and the distance between them is separated by a single memory, the seeker wants to hold the other mech, and tell him to stop crying, but the scene begins to turn again and fade away. It’s like an unforgettable nightmare, a sorrow he can’t unhear or comfort. All because he can’t reach out and hold Soundwave and tell him it isn’t his fault; his egg baby did exist—their sparkling did exist. At least he wants to believe that.

Starscream feels it is as if he is led through a simpler version of Soundwave’s memories for the longest time, making him wonder if it’s more like a dream, a strange one as he walks through them. Until he can see how Rumble and Frenzy come into Soundwave’s life after the loss of their egg, the scared and frayed frames of a much younger and smaller Rumble and Frenzy, huddled in the corner of an abandoned holding cell, they’ve been bought and sold for the beasts of the pits to play with later. A popular and up and coming show that the elites like to buy tickets for until Soundwave makes an underhanded deal with his master—to spare them.

He promised to fight in their place, and if he won then they’d be under his protection, if he lost then he had promise to do whatever his master wanted for a cyber-week. A tempting offer, but something that makes Starscream’s servos clench until the memory ends and it is Rumble who runs forward first to touch Soundwave’s battered and energon covered faceplate, she and Frenzy have stolen some bandages when no one was looking—to play med bay as thanks for their savior they said.

The attempt is clumsy and their servos are far too small to do anything, but it’s enough for Soundwave, who smiles and brings them into his arms. He doesn’t say anything after that, and the twin cassette players can only stare at him. As if in awe there were still mechs out there willing to care for them, cross the sea for them.

Starscream’s optics start to water again with coolant and he forces himself to look away for a moment. It’s hard for him to see Rumble again even if it’s an old memory. She’s alive in this memory, more than alive, she's arguing with Soundwave and trying to patch his servo up, and lecturing him for being a stupid adult.

He can also tell how Soundwave must have felt following the loss of their sparkling—as an egg—how it must have weighed on his mind, and disturbed the instincts inside his frame to nurture something, but couldn’t. He was left with nothing, instincts left nowhere to go until he met the twins, something he could nurture and protect in the place of their carrier, in the place of his sparkling.

Starscream sees it when Soundwave’s scarred servos reach forward to wipe and wash away the coolant that drips down Rumble and Frenzy’s cheeks as they see the extent of his wounds, wounds earned in their place, his lips move to kiss their foreheads and they feel safe enough to show him their alt modes, the imminent compatibility they all share with him as if destined—encapsulating a single yet everlasting relationship between the three of them.

Soundwave looks happy despite the cracks in his faceplate, the new scars that will remain when he’s healed and looked over, the palm against his now closed tape deck—opened if only for a brief click so Rumble and Frenzy can recharge in there. Distant relief washes over his faceplate, the spot where his egg used to lay is filled again and so is the comfort that comes with incubating something—even if it isn't the same. It’s what he cherishes and promises out loud to keep safe until his dying spark.

The start of the uprising is shown next to Starscream. He stands next to Soundwave as he listens like the rest, he listens to Megatron’s declaration that what they’ve experienced, gone through, are forced to experience—cannot be freedom, freedom is more than that, it is the right of all. And similar to the turbulent events that led to the destruction of Vos and Iacon—the violence.

But in Starscream’s opinion there is little empathy to be felt when he sees Soundwave and Megatron lead a charge against those they were forced to bow for, serve, and entertain in Kaon—in the pits. He follows after Soundwave, but the silent blue stealth bomber is too fast, he’s driven by something, but what? Starscream wonders if it was something to do with the elites he saw earlier before this memory that scarred Soundwave’s face plate and frame, their laughter as they began to ridicule and torture his lover until he was forced to beg for them to stop until his voice went hoarse and his pride a shadow of itself. It’s all so different from the Soundwave he met in Kaon once and the one he met in the war.

But the answer proved to be even harder to swallow than Starscream imagined as Soundwave heads down a secret passageway, a tunnel that seems to go on forever until there’s a door. Information handed to Soundwave by Laserbeak. And behind it was another Cybertronian—a femme mech. Her frame was damaged beyond relief, legs cracked and torn, pieces were missing, wires exposed to the air. However, the most daunting part was that Starscream couldn’t make out her faceplate, it was too blurry to see. Who was this supposed to be? And was her faceplate actually like that in reality or was it because Soundwave couldn’t remember what she looked like anymore—wasn’t able to.

“Sound…wave?” she says weakly, but her throat is too hoarse to continue and the rest of her sentence dies out with a sharp static like screech, it makes Starscream flinch, but Soundwave remains diligent.

“Yes,” Soundwave responds, trying to free her from where she hangs. The chains have long rusted, but dig into her wrists. “Care. It's Soundwave.”

Starscream took a step back, a servo raised to his mouth as Soundwave caught her in his arms. This was his first time seeing or meeting Soundwave’s carrier since entering his memories, the majority of them had begun after she had been gone, or that’s what he had managed to put together on his own.

“Soundwave apologizes that it took him so long… but Megatron said once he stormed the capital, Soundwave could come and find care on his own time with Laserbeaks aid…and effort.”

“Let me look at you,” she said, barely able to speak. “Let me look at my precious fledgling.”

Soundwave shook his head, but gave in eventually when she continued to stare at him and frown until he revealed his faceplate like asked.

A carrier’s love, Starscream supposed when he saw her reach forward to touch Soundwave, and despite how shattered her optics are she smiles as if he hasn’t changed. “You’re so skinny,” she said. “Eat more after this, okay?”

“Okay,” Soundwave said, quietly. He’s unsure how to speak to his carrier still, his servos shake with each step as they exit the tunnel together. He wants her to see the outside world—like they promised before parting. It’s all he’s wanted and Starscream notices the trail of energon that follows them.

She doesn’t have long, he thinks. But if either mech knows, Starscream can’t tell. Not when Soundwave’s carrier continues to ask how her fledgling has been, how tall he is now, gentle admiration for how strong he has grown without her by his side, and the quiver in Soundwave’s finials when she meekly says how much she’s missed him. Slowly, but surely, they make their way outside and are able to look up at the sky—it’s dark.

Dark if not for the fires that surround the area, the spilled energon that lights their pathway. Soundwave tries to shield his carrier from the corpses they pass.

“Did you do that?” she asks out of nowhere. Her servo reaches for Soundwave to stop obscuring her vision from the destruction that is all around them. “Did you do that, Soundwave?” she says, repeating her words, this time louder. It’s enough to stop Soundwave dead in his tracks and look at what she’s referring to, but not answer her.

He freezes, stumbling against the ground as she grabs onto his wrist, before nodding and dropping his servo. “Yes. I killed them,” he admits. “Does that upset you? I wanted them to pay for what they did to you—what they did to us.”

“No, I’m not mad, Soundwave,”

“Then…let’s keep going, Care. We’ll be safer, you’ll be taken care of—”

“No,” she said.

“No?” Soundwave asks, confused.

Starscream started to frown when he sees Soundwave’s carrier pull her servo away. “This is where my journey ends, Soundwave. I’m grateful that you came to get me, but I fear it’s only delayed the inevitable… what I was hoping to spare you from in the end. I’m dying. I have been for a while.”

“No—Megatron said we had a medic among our ranks. He said after Soundwave finds you that it’ll be okay, so—!”

“It’s too late, Soundwave. Look at me.”

Soundwave drops to his knee and holds her servo as if trying to swear his spark to her, the one who gave him life, and ignore the color that has started to drain from it, but it proves to be fruitless.

“Don’t cry,” she says. Her digits brush against the side of Soundwave’s helmet then to his finials, petting them. “I’m grateful, really, but I don’t have long, Soundwave. Before you came…they drained me of almost all energon. My levels are low, too low. I won’t make it.”

 “No, let—me,” Soundwave said, tearfully. “He promised—”

“You did enough, fledgling….” his carrier whispers. She kneeled down to meet his optics and hold his faceplate. “You let me see the outside world…we got to see the stars. Just like we promised. I’m happy, Soundwave. I really am…I got to see you again after our long game of hide and seek. You found me and I found you. But I lost your sweets.”

“Soundwave doesn’t care about the sweets. He cares about his carrier’s well being! He cares after about what has happened to her when she was taken.”

Like before, Starscream tries to reach and touch Soundwave again, to hold him, but fails to. He fails to do anything, but watches as the one he loves is forced to sit on the ground and be held by his carrier as the light in her spark fizzles away.

“You grew up so well too. That's all that matters now, not what has or has not happened to me after I was taken from you,” Soundwave’s carrier said in those last moments, still attempting to kiss and wipe his tears away as Starscream is forced to watch her continue. “I’m so proud of you for making it out alive, Soundwave. My Soundwave is the best. He is superior. So, he will learn to be okay without his carrier...maybe not now, but one day he will. For his carrier he will.”

“Soundwave will…he will…he will…do that. He understands.”

As the world around him starts to change again, Starscream looks down at his servos, they’re covered in coolant by now, and his optics have begun to sting like sand has gotten in them, the pain is blinding. And for a while, he’s only able to stand there before a familiar voice calls out for Soundwave again—it’s his carrier. Like before her faceplate is like a wiped blank slate, it’s a mosaic of colors. He can’t see what she looks like, but her voice is clear. It’s clearer than clear, it’s all he can hear from this memory and understand.

How strange, Starscream thought. Soundwave’s memories must be going backwards now and he starts to head to where he heard her voice come from initially. With caution he starts to look around until he spots Soundwave. He looks young, small and fidgety, unable to stand in one place, but happy to see his carrier as she towers over him.   

“We’re going to play a new game today, Soundwave.”

“A new game?” he said, cutely. “What kind of game…is it a fun one?”

Soundwave’s carrier smiled a little before reaching down to hug him. She kissed his cheek. “Hide and seek!”

“Again? But don’t we already play it all the time?”

“It’s…a new version of it…I made with Megatron and Ravage earlier. They’re going to help your carrier out by finding you. Not me this time, Megatron and Ravage will be the seekers this time. Your care is going to hide too, she’s going on an adventure out and into the outside world to buy you something special like sweets, before going off to hide somewhere, and when you’ve found her that means the game is finally over!”

“That sounds too complicated,” Soundwave said, pouting. He puffed his cheeks out at his carrier while she laughed to the point of tears. “You can’t laugh—it does!”

“I know…I know, but my Soundwave is so strong and smart. He will definitely find me and earn all of the sweet treats. I’ll buy for him while on my adventure! And when he finds me…we can go look at the stars too. How’s that?”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Starscream can only stare at a wall after that, he already has an idea of what will happen next based off of the previous memory he was shown between Soundwave and his carrier—this is how they part.

The innocence of a sparkling is all Starscream can see as he watches Soundwave’s carrier push scraps and heavy objects against the hole that Soundwave is curled into—she doesn’t want him to be found or for him to escape. And he already knows why. Starscream still remembers what Soundwave told him once when they first met in Kaon by pure chance, Soundwave’s carrier knew her sparkling was going to be sold, but pleaded to be taken instead. She hid him from the world in order to let herself be taken in case they went back on their word, told Megatron to keep her fledging safe, asked Ravage to love him in her place.

He can hear her start to chirp at Soundwave before she leaves in an attempt to sooth his fears about being left for an unknown amount of time, and the smallest chirps Starscream has ever heard in response to her and like before the memory starts to end. Without knowing why, he starts to chirp too, and hiccup until he’s standing in what looks to be another street of Kaon, and he sits down.

Starscream sits down somewhere on the ground with his head in his servos, the bile in his throat is stagnant and threatens to slip with every rolling wretch that slips from his mouth, but nothing comes out. Everything feels like a field of blankness right now in his mind, it’s strange, but this memory feels too quiet to him. Quiet when there’s no one around, only him, it’s still like a picture frame, he can’t see or hear Soundwave either. It’s silent right now.

In a way he’s grateful for that. Because it gives him the break he needs to think, to digest everything he’s seen so far in Soundwave’s memories. And he’s still unsure what to do or feel. He can’t pretend to understand or know, but he does wonder a little if Thundercracker was their lost sparkling from the egg he did see Soundwave hold, the unimaginable if she was who his lover had lost, but who he had found by chance. 

“Damnit, Soundwave,” he said, cursing the other mech in his head. “You’re making me upset right now.”

“Soundwave can’t be making you upset, he doesn’t even know you!”

Starscream shot up when he heard that and his jaw falls open when he realized Soundwave was in front of him, or rather it was the Soundwave he saw from earlier, the one who was pushed into a hole and hidden away from the world by his carrier. The same Soundwave who would later be found by Megatron and held back from seeing the actual truth until he’s older and demanded to know why Laserbeak came back at odd times, or so late. Why he got to head outside, but he couldn’t.

“You can see me?” Starscream said, shocked.

“Of course!” Soundwave said, loudly. He stomped forward to look at him. “Care said I’m the best and smartest, so I can see all, but that doesn’t explain why you know me.”

“I—” Starscream tried to answer, but then realized something. “I’m a seeker,” he said.

“You are? But my care said there are only two seekers in our game.”

“I met her on the outside. She asked me to come and take care of you for a little…until you find her on your own.”

Soundwave tilted his head to the side. His finials flopped to the side, bouncing up and down like a spring as he considered Starscream’s words. “People who lie owe me one-thousand energon candies.”

“I’m not lying,” Starscream said, trying to hide the smile on his lips. This version of Soundwave was rather cute to him. “I’m a seeker. And can you even count that high?” he jokes after, but was met with a swift headbutt to his gastro chamber when Soundwave slammed his forehead into him like an angry bull.

“Soundwave can count…watch him do that right now!” He pushed his palms out and started to count, but would then lose count after a while, forced to start over before losing count all over again. “I’ll have to try again later… But Soundwave can definitely, definitely do it, so you should give him candy—!”

“Okay,” Starscream said. He met Soundwave’s optics with a bright smile. “I’ll give Soundwave as many candies as he wants anyway.”

He wondered if Soundwave had picked up his fluctuating manner of speech because of how his carrier had left—a belligerent mix of first and third person—maybe some of it was also due to Megatron’s teachings. An attempt to guide the young Soundwave to advocate for himself properly, yet there were still parts of his processors that clung to his carrier’s last words to him.

His memories.

“You must be rich,” Soundwave said, suddenly suspicious of this stranger’s words. Megatron and Ravage had always told him to be careful about mechs that weren’t from Kaon, but even mechs from Kaon weren’t nice. Everything had a price, they always made him repeat before leaving their sight out. No matter where you were or who you were.

“The richest,” Starscream said, softly. He fights the need to pinch this Soundwave’s cheek or cute button shaped nose, but it’s hard. Hard when he looks so much like Thundercracker did when she was still a hatchling, it’s so similar. Even the little twitch in their lips when they’re feeling lied to, but the want to believe something good will come out of an encounter with him. Like any carrier and their sparkling, he thinks.

Soundwave scratched his head after hearing that, the alleged seeker in front of him was strange, but seemed nice. At least he deemed him nice when he bought him something to eat, but he thought it was weird when the seeker was shocked to find he had more than shanix on him.

Must be a swindler, Soundwave deduced before picking up a piece of his candy to eat. He’d have to ask for more—see if this new seeker had been telling the truth or not about buying him as many candies as he wanted while he showed him around a little.

“Do you have a wish?” Starscream asked out of nowhere. They were now walking among a field of carnations, pink ones. Far from the pits, far from Kaon itself, it’s just them and the world right now.

“A wish?” Soundwave said, feeling lost. Of course, he had wishes, but why did the seeker want to know. “Like what?”

“Like a wish to be free…a wish to see someone again…stuff like that.”

“Heh. Soundwave has wishes. For one, he wishes to be free, but he knows he will be free. Megatron promised him. He promised him one day that he and everyone would be free. He also promised him that Soundwave's care had to go somewhere, but will come back. So that isn’t his wish.”

“Then what is your wish?” Starscream said.

He stopped in his tracks to look down at Soundwave, and he thought about how much the little blue mech in front of him was still in the middle of counting how many candies he had left—he looked like a little blue owl. He looked even more like Thundercracker when she was younger, the behavior was the same—how they counted, their greed for sweets as if he wouldn’t fill their palms with more before they reached the bottom.

“I want to see the stars one day, touch them like my carrier said I could do when I’m allowed to walk out of here.” Soundwave answered, truthfully. He pointed at himself. “She said anything is possible for me, so that must be possible too!”

“That’s your wish?” Starscream said, surprised. He raised an optic bridge. “Are you sure?”

“Are you making fun of Soundwave? If so, he will beat you up, fake seeker!”

Starscream laughed, but shook his head. “No, I’m not making fun of Soundwave. In fact, I think his wish is very commendable and I will help him achieve it someday.”

“Why not now?” Soundwave asked, frowning.

“You haven’t found your carrier yet," Starscream said, wistfully.

Soundwave stared at the seeker and fell silent. But unlike how he’d been speaking before he said something rather unexpected.

“Does that mean you’ll take Soundwave to go and look at the stars after he finds his carrier?” His voice begins to crack and the wind blows through the flower field of pink carnations as he stares up at Starscream. “After he’s buried and sent her off? After he’s lost what he was supposed to protect and hold closest to him? After he has seen Starscream’s loss?”

He threw out his grievances and stood in front of Starscream as if to say: What will you do now?

That was the challenge in his voice.

Starscream did not answer at first. He didn’t laugh either and his gaze never left the ‘Soundwave’ that stood in front of him with a bag of candies in his servos, amber optics clearer yet darker than when they first officially met faceplate to faceplate in the streets of Kaon.

“I’ll take Soundwave up to look at the stars as many times as he wants once he does,” Starscream said as if it were a pledge.

He got on one of his knees after that, and took a hold of Soundwave’s servo, it’s still new, there’s no scratches or scars yet. Starscream leans forward to kiss it gently before looking up at Soundwave

“I’ll even let Soundwave eat as many candies as he wants…recharge whenever he wants…anything he wants. I’ll do my best to fulfill all his wishes after he has seen and experienced everything. Have a family with him, a large one. It’ll be however big he wants it to be.”

“Soundwave doesn't like liars!”

“I know…I know better than anyone that you don’t like liars, but I swear on my spark to make your wish come true, Soundwave.”

Notes:

Pink Carnations: dedicated to honouring and expressing gratitude to mothers and motherly figures—I miss you and I'll never forget your touch.

I cried a lot when working on this chapter, but if it is because I became attached to SW and who his mother was as a person...or because it was genuinely sad to write this part of the story, I may never know, but I do know that this chapter officially closes the memory arc!
-
I waited so long to hear your answer
Now I can't help but wish I had rushed sooner
You were so busy being brave
Hands full of others' tears
But the cracks show
Who was there to catch your tears?

Chapter 20: The Misnomer

Notes:

Fic rating changed suddenly from M to E because I was editing the rest of my chapters and a smut scene snuck itself in last minute (of my own volition), it's just a short sentimental thing tbh...I suggest glancing at the latest tags in case though lol

“What’s wrong?” Starscream asked. It was the first thing he had managed to say after waking up to Soundwave staring down at him, he was in the middle of crying, his palms pressed into the ground, and his words even less coherent.

“Egg baby—Soundwave’s egg baby is…Megatron and…” Soundwave said through his hiccups. His voice would drop every so word, but pick right back up and form a proper sentence. “Starscream has gone through a lot.”

“So have you…” Starscream said. He brought his servos forward and held Soundwave’s faceplate, wiping the tears that hadn’t fallen yet. There was relief in his spark to know he could touch Soundwave right now. Compared to how it was before when he was seeing his memories, it was torture. “Actually, I think you’ve gone through more, Soundwave. More than me.”

Soundwave buried his nose deeper into the palm of Starscream’s servos, ignoring him. He didn’t want to mention what Starscream must’ve seen, but he also couldn’t disregard what he was willing to show. It’s hard to erase or forget. The loss of his loved ones, the internalization of his anger and guilt. But maybe now he felt there were answers in Starscream’s memories.

“Thundercracker…” he said, softly. “Do you still remember what she said to you when she first hatched?”

“Yeah, why?” Starscream replied. He removed his palms from Soundwave’s cheeks, propped them instead onto his waist and kept them there, rubbing the rough blue soldiered metal.

“Soundwave was thinking she’s his—our missing egg baby, but he can’t be so sure. It could just be a coincidence. But there’s something else he knows now…”

“What?” Starscream said, confused. His optics widened when Soundwave slammed into his forehead, denting it. “Ow—”

“That’s for being so stubborn and seducing Soundwave on the Nemesis!”

“I wasn’t trying to seduce you on purpose either, I just wanted to flirt a little because I was still into you and…then I thought about making Megatron mad again. I’m petty, okay? You know this by now.”

“Should’ve told Soundwave he loved him for so long…instead of messing around so much back then,” Soundwave said, keeping his forehead pressed to Starscream, but this time gentler. He even kisses where he smacked him. “If Soundwave didn’t know that there was no genuine foul harm or play when it came to his feelings, he’d tear Starscream a new spark.”

Starscream sighed, but rammed his forehead head into Soundwave like he had earlier. He pinned Soundwave down to the ground by his wrists. “That’s for being so forgetful,” he said. “And for robbing me, multiple times.”

“Multiple—when?” Soundwave said, surprised. “He would never.”

“Let’s see you stole my money and belongings after you slept with me in Kaon,” Starscream said, starting to count his digits after releasing Soundwave. “Had my sparkling ten cycles after sleeping with me and planned to keep it with you the entire time. Robbed me of getting to tell you it was me again because you couldn’t remember my name. Stole Thundercracker’s affection from me without even trying, ignore she already thought you might be her secret carrier deep down. She’s strange like that. You stole our newest sparkling’s affection too before she even got to actually meet you in person. Oh, and stole my spark…on numerous occasions.” He laughed and leaned down to kiss Soundwave’s lips.

“Starscream is sure Thundercracker is…” Soundwave said, softly. “…He is certain of it?”

“It—it’s possible, yes,” Starscream said. “But I don’t want to get ours…or her hopes up.”

He looked to the side at their current egg. She was still where they’d left her. And now seeing that her creators had awoken started to roll towards them. Thinking she wanted to be cradled again, Soundwave took action and held her against his tape deck for warmth.

“Understood,” he whispered. He felt guilty all of the sudden. It wasn’t that Starscream was right, but it was more that he understood how much the news could hurt Thundercracker in the end. If she really was his then how did she escape or sever the bond he had with her? “Soundwave will not tell her.”

Starscream let out a deep sigh and rubbed his faceplate. Like Soundwave he also felt rather guilty all of the sudden. He knew better than anyone how Thundercracker used to look at other families on Vos when she was still the size of a mere energon cube, she badly wanted to know if that was supposed to have also been her life too. And while she was more satisfied with the family she had managed to have and grow on her own terms, she always wanted to know what her carrier looked like, or wanted to ask them why she was abandoned. A simple yet innocent wish. Just like Soundwave’s wish to know where their egg went. Moved by it.

Starscream doesn’t know when the words slipped out, or what he said exactly was referring to when he said, “Let’s take her to get a test done in the morning then. We’ll deal with the results after. We were already going to adopt her anyway.”

And that’s all that was needed to bring the light back into Soundwave’s optics and a smile on his faceplate as they hold each other and nod.

Thundercracker thought it was a little weird when Starscream and Soundwave came to her all of the sudden and said they needed her to do something on Cybertron for them, but tried not to worry too much. At first, she had just assumed it was another annual checkup for her health. Like usual Ratchet asked her to stick out her glossa, click a button whenever she heard a beep, keep her optics wide open and flap her wings.

But then Ratchet requested to take some of her energon for testing, hooking her up to some strange things while Starscream and Soundwave watched as he pulled out some tools and asked to see her spark. That was new, she thought.

Like before she thought maybe it was still related to her health and tried to brush it off. Starscream didn’t look stressed either. However, Soundwave was focused on the egg in his servos, ever so clearly trying to hide his nervousness. He looked guilty about something.

Again, though she brushed it off and assumed it was just because Soundwave hadn’t gone to her appointments before and had a recent scare with his sparkling. He was probably just feeling anxious, she tried to tell herself, ignoring the ringing in her circuits.

A part of her still felt jealous whenever she happened to come across or see Soundwave and Starscream with their egg. She would catch Soundwave sitting out with it while he fished, or laid down to feel the sun while some music played. Starscream would let it roll around his garden, barely chastising it whenever it got in his way or almost knocked him over. Sometimes it even tried to hang out with her. And she hated that. She hated the feeling in her spark that always came when it did because she wished it was her and not that egg who got their clear love and attention. Hated that their egg wanted to bond with her like she was supposed to accept their existence so easily. Like they understood her desire to belong.

But that egg—sparkling—didn’t have to wear a disguise and ask for who she belonged to, or who she had been abandoned, cut off from. She didn’t have to dream or imagine, get fed crumbs of who could have made her. Thundercracker knew that egg once or egg baby as she had heard Soundwave refer to it when he was talking to Frenzy and Ravage, hatched she wouldn’t have to be like her and ask who was her carrier or sire was. And she would always have that bond with Starscream and Soundwave, it wouldn’t be a grayed out feeling of loss and longing.

She knew the new sparkling couldn’t really change anything between her and Starscream, but she also knew that couldn’t have been anything but the farthest thing from the truth because she was still unsure how he viewed her. Hatchlings were always prioritized in the end and she wasn’t his technically, just someone he took care of occasionally and cared for. Her relationship to Soundwave was not like that of his cassettes and her relationship to Starscream had always been strange, nameless even, and she never bothered to ask if they were supposed to be like a creator and sparkling. It was just that way, she felt but never dared to ask, just took advantage of it.

Perhaps the majority of her feelings of being left to her own devices and ignored had sprung out of the realization she was still considered an orphan on Vos. Starscream had never been allowed to file the paperwork to adopt her despite their close relationship and her being raised by him before the war. The Vos from before the war wouldn't have allowed it. Maybe that was why she asked for Starscream and Soundwave to adopt her when the war was still raging on, and they said only if they won and things were changed. It was a silly fantasy of hers, a meaningless joke, to be adopted by them. She always knew that, yet a part of her still wanted to believe they would surprise her one day with the news of her adoption now that Vos had been restructured from the ground up, even its government. Or someone would tell her, they were her real creators.

But now? She didn’t think it was proper to think it was possible despite how often Starscream would check in on her or answered her messages every day, making time for her despite his status as a carrier. That feeling stayed pinned to her spark when Soundwave would approach her holding his own sparkling and say he would’ve loved to have her be his too—yet even if not, she had a spot in his home, there was always going to be a seat left out for her. He considered her his too even if not by energon.

It felt strange to imagine or dream she was actually their secret sparkling when they already had a real and physical sparkling to look after and nurture. She wasn’t a hatchling anymore, or someone in need, she was old enough to serve when she met Soundwave, old enough make her own choices when Soundwave and Starscream left her on Cybertron, and she was old enough to live on her own when they returned. So many books of the books she has read have taught her how these things work—family doesn’t have to be energon.

It can be more than that. Soundwave and his cassettes were proof of that, Starscream, and her trine were proof of that, but despite everything she was still unsure of her place in the world despite her personal understanding she didn’t need to have a carrier or sire to feel complete. She didn’t even need to know them. Not many did. But there was something she felt tug at her wires when she thought of them—memories of her carrier talking to her as an egg and what she was told about her sire.

The songs he would play for her when she was bored; there’s something about it she swears is recognizable, but the melody has been lost to her cycles of age until it feels like it is on the tip of her glossa. And whatever she had been told about her sire had probably fizzled the moment she hatched, Starscream said for the most part she spoke nonsense when hatching. It makes her feel guilty and upset at herself for forgetting, maybe angry at her carrier for not leaving more for her to remember or use to find him.

Skywarp and Nova Storm had their own carrier and sire to visit when they were sad or feed them if they weren’t bothering Starscream. And so would Starscream and Soundwave’s new sparkling, there was the constant reassurance from Starscream that there would always be a place for her in his house on Earth or on Vos, Soundwave said the same to her in private—multiple times. But hearing that only made her feel sadder to imagine when she saw their egg follow after her, no matter where she tried to hide. She felt like an extra piece to their puzzle—that wasn’t needed, but just in case the worst happened. If something went missing.

Jetfire seemed to notice her mopping about the new sparkling too and asked if she wanted to hang out with her sometime in the future. At the time when asked she said yes, but then started to worry if it was a date or if they’d have time. They’d gotten rather close overtime and still hung out occasionally, but if she was honest, it was hard to tell if Jetfire liked her the same way or was being nice. She forgot to ask before they parted due to Jetfure needing to a nearby planet for mineral samples and might be gone for a few moons or more.

The look on Starscream’s faceplate snapped her out of her thoughts about Jetfire and their possible date soon enough. That didn’t look too good, she thought and frowned. Yet despite her initial premonition of what Ratchet had been looking at, Soundwave ran over to hug her after everything that’d been stuck onto her frame was taken off and he was given the okay to touch her.

“Soundwave finally found you,” he said, rubbing her faceplate with his mask. “Good… good.”

“Huh?” Thundercracker said, confused as she put her spark away and stare at Starscream as if he would answer.

Starscream, however, walked over to join them. He got on one knee and stared at her, the egg now in his servos instead. “Thank the stars for this miracle,” he said, relieved.

“What’s—what’s going on?” Thundercracker said. But no one said anything at first. “Am I going or grow…taller or something?”

“Thundercracker is Soundwave’s confirmed missing egg baby.”

“What he means to say is…we had a rather incidental hook up once before the war,” Starscream said. “Soundwave got sparked with you but then you as an egg got lost and rolled your way all to Vos while he was away doing something and ended up finding me.”

Thundercracker started to laugh. She laughed until her wires felt taut and she fell over, but upon realizing that they may not have been joking she stared at them. “Wait—you’re not kidding,” she exclaimed. “I’m actually your secret sparkling!”

“No. Well sort of but…” Starscream said. “Look at Soundwave—I mean. Do you think he or I are joking about this! You’ve caused a lot of tears with how you vanished…” He slapped a palm over his faceplate after that, feeling embarrassed while Soundwave just continued to nod, maybe even vigorously now.

“But…” Thundercracker said. “I—sorry this is a lot to take in…again this isn’t some elaborate prank, right?”

“It’s not,” Starscream said, starting to feel annoyed. “We just did a spark test to check, you’re definitely ours. More than a hundred percent.”

Soundwave stopped nodding and looked at Thundercracker. “Soundwave saw Starscream’s memories and was sure that Thundercracker was his missing egg from the pits…but Starscream wanted to make sure that was the truth as to not make her sad if Soundwave was wrong.”

“That’s crazy,” Thundercracker said, quietly. “This entire time…my creators have been…in front of me. Been you guys.”

“Yeah well,” Starscream said. “You sure know how to make us mad even as an egg apparently. We asked Ratchet to fix up your memory banks too while you were daydreaming and saw how you…got to Vos too since we’re all going off a single guess. Turns our you’re also very lucky to have gone undetected when escaping Kaon. Slippery little egg you were. Lucky even to catch a ride with some unsuspecting passerby.”

Thundercracker started to think after hearing that and searched for the exact memories they were referring to in her memory banks, the ones they said had to be re-wired and integrated back to her spark. When she was an egg, she did remember her carrier telling her once how important it was to hide whenever they went out, but also that one day her carrier wanted to tell her sire about her.

But the issue was he lived in Vos and the borders had closed cycles ago. It had always been cycles since they last spoke, so he had probably moved on and wouldn’t take them in. Thinking this meant her carrier wanted her to find her sire, she set off on her own self-imposed mission, but after a few bumps forgot the way to Vos and just kept on rolling until she hitched a few rides or floated around.

She must have forgotten her plan by the time she hatched in front of Starscream—only able to word vomit out the first few core sentences and things she told herself to say and practiced, but didn’t understand the actual meaning behind it. By then it was difficult to remember what her carrier sounded like anymore, she lost all recordings of it, and could only recall what they said—what Soundwave had said to her as an egg.

Soundwave reached forward to wipe her tears, he had a cloth in servo as well, cleaning the now running mascara off of her face. “Soundwave is happy,” he said. “His egg baby grew up so well without him around the first few important cycles.”

Thundercracker sobbed after that, she buried her faceplate into Soundwave’s tape deck, shoulders shaking with every hiccup that slipped out of her lips, not caring for whatever jet fuel came out of her nose, or the makeup she’d long ruined with her tears. She’d always been home. The home she used to joke or imagine as a way to comfort herself or tease Starscream and Soundwave was always her home, it’d always been hers, and it’d never left. As far as she was concerned, it was her who left first on accident, and still despite all of the odds that should’ve stopped her from making it to Vos or having a successful hatch had managed to come back like a stubborn weed and found them.

Soundwave was holding Thundercracker as they left the hospital, she’d practically cried herself to recharge. Their egg had been tucked into his tape deck already and was resting comfortably inside.

“Starscream owes Soundwave a lot of sweets,” he said, suddenly reminded of all the times he overheard him curse out Thundercracker’s carrier in both his memories and in front of him whenever she got sick on the Nemesis.

Starscream almost tripped and fell onto the ground after hearing that. How could he forget. He’d been cursing out whoever Thundercracker’s carrier was the moment she was hatched and following after him like a lost duckling from Earth who refused to leave his side, would cry even if sick. She would even toss herself to the ground at the thought of someone snatching her away from him until he promised to not let it happen unless she wanted it to.

“How many sweets is that now?” he said, searching for his wallet while Soundwave laughed at him.

“At least two million.”

“The best I can do is three million…”

Notes:

my turn to nod and pretend i didn't have this written months ago. i love my babies
-
The truth hurts, they say
Oh, but it hurts to know
I'm blind
I perfected it
Now allow me to correct it

Chapter 21: Infinitely Sweet

Kaon.

It was the first time Thundercracker thought of it as her home, or thought it could be considered where she was created. Yet here she was again with Soundwave. The news of her once hidden lineage was now revealed and she was still unsure how to navigate it herself.

Starscream’s attitude towards her didn’t change much once they learned the news and the moons had passed between them since then, but she swears he became a lot softer and more affectionate towards her as if he had rid himself of something—perhaps he had finally freed himself from his own thoughts.

Sometimes she wonders if it stems from the fact that he didn’t know how to parent her for fear that her actual creators would show up one day and move the cards in their favor to take her back. It’d happened before to her classmates when she was still a hatchling despite it not being allowed by Vos officials and she had cried so much at the thought of not seeing him anymore that she had to be injected with more energon because she fainted. She even made Starscream promise not to give her up if someone said they wanted to take her away, not unless she agreed to be.

Thinking back maybe it was her instincts that’d caused such an emotional ruckus despite being unable to recognize Starscream as her sire due to his lack of presence when she was still growing inside of Soundwave and as an egg. Whatever was left of her to miss of him. It was difficult to separate herself from Starscream—she liked sleeping on top of the beat of Starscream’s spark as a hatchling, an old habit that still persists to this day when Soundwave told her to sleep with them and her siblings in the nest. She and Starscream had a clearly bond as sparkling and sire still, but it’d gotten tangled somewhere along the way, Thundercracker concluded.

Soundwave’s attitude towards her did change almost overnight—he insisted on taking her around whenever he did errands—big or small. Even if he was on Cybertron for nothing, he would ask if she was free and had the time to spare. Like the bitterness of old grass because it’s been abandoned for fresh grass, Thundercracker couldn’t help, but think it was out of guilt for losing her as a sparkling, or for causing her frame to develop so poorly. Something Soundwave must’ve no doubted realized after seeing and witnessing how his and Starscream’s newest sparklings had been developing in size.

She still didn’t know how to act or what to call them—if it was right to call Soundwave her carrier or Starscream her sire—right now since she barely knew them as that due to her disappearance as an egg. They also had their own turbulent reasons for never meeting until the war began its rampage through Cybertron, only coming back together now that they had another sparkling in the mix. That feeling shows up like a bad cold or fever, it storms through her wires, says it is what just ended up happening, says it is what she has to accept and can’t change. Perhaps that was why she feels so uneasy when showered with so much love.

She understood it was her fault for vanishing and causing Soundwave so much pain. And despite it all, the love he gave her was no different than the love he gave her before, but she still struggled to accept this was her reality, understand that he was her carrier and always had been. Soundwave wasn't mad at her for vanishing the way she did and Starscream barely chastised as well her, at least not seriously. He seemed rather accepting of their situation, mellowed by the news of it.

As the wind brushes past her like a ceiling fan that spins in the middle of the night, Thundercracker follows after Soundwave and her egg sibling. They had something to show her apparently. And it was in Kaon—the parts of it that were once considered the start of everything—the pits. The flowers grow tall and stalky as she runs her digits across them, staring off into the distance. The Great Migration was drawing soon, she realized. And she imagines making something for Jetfire to show her affection, the pieces of her spark bursting when she thinks of the reaction it’ll earn. The twitch in her wings is enough to remind her how embarrassing it is to chase after someone so soon without an understanding of where she stands in their spark—if it’s even reciprocated or stands the chance to be. If she spent less time day dreaming or reading her romance novels on Earth, maybe she would know; have a sparkmate.

“Rocks?” she asked Soundwave as they both gradually come to a stop to look at them. Thundercracker approaches what looks to be a few piles of rocks, they’re tall and hidden when looked at from afar, but the flowers planted and tilled into the ground to decorate the area are coordinated in shape and color.

“Graves,” Soundwave corrected her. He walks over to where she’s standing and starts to point out who they belong to. “Rumble. Your grandcarrier…and then what Soundwave assumed was where Thundercracker should be honored.”

“Me?” Thundercracker said, lost. “But I’m not dead.”

“When Soundwave first lost Thundercracker and could not find or hear of her as an egg. He feared the worst had happened and built a rock grave for Thundercracker. For the egg baby, he could not fully remember giving a proper name to. He only remembered saying she was Thunderous and like a firecracker when upset, so maybe that would be her name when he had the energon to think better for her.”

Thundercracker starts to shake her head after hearing that and laughs a little. It sounds just like Soundwave to say that. He had an interesting method of naming things. And it makes her question how her new sisters will be named whenever Starscream and him can decide on one. Not that Starscream was any better at names. Thundercracker makes a silent prayer for her younger siblings in that case—given how bad their creators were at naming things. They even had an affinity for following strange themes and reasons to name things a certain way if they could. Her little sisters had the odds stacked against them she feared.

“You built all of this for me?” Thundercracker asked. Slowly she approaches the rocks that were piled atop each other, some are smooth and pale, the shapes aren’t always uniform, but the majority follow a pattern.

“Yes, but now that Soundwave knows what happened to his once thought to be lost egg baby…he has no need for this rock pile.”

“It’s so tall,” she said almost in awe. “Very cool.”

Soundwave paused while taking down some of the rocks. He took a hold of one of Thundercracker’s servo and put the rock in her palm, but not before closing both of their digits around it.

“The taller a rock grave is…the more loved a mech is. Kaonian people in the pit don’t like to speak of those who have passed in the past tense,” he said. “At least when it comes to building their rocks up, Soundwave would slip out on his own to add a new rock when he was still fighting in the pits. He would express how much he still loves his lost egg baby and misses them every time too.”

As Soundwave pulled his servo away, Thundercracker stared down at the rock. Her thumb rubbing against the smoothness of it. It’s new, she realizes. Soundwave must’ve added it recently. She then stares out at where Rumble’s grave was, her rock pile had a few new rocks too. It was the first time she saw Rumble’s grave and she could already imagine Frenzy and the rest of the cassettes adding their rocks to the pile with Soundwave.

It feels like her world has darkened all over again as she walked over to put one there too under Soundwave’s watchful gaze. Her and Rumble had always been close when serving, she loved her like family. Then when she heard the news of her death, it’d felt like a great flood had rolled through her spark, tearing apart her thoughts.

Thundercracker still wondered why it had happened the way it did and not someone else with less repercussions or guilt for all involved and forced to witness what happened—Rumble exploding—but she already knew that's what had happened while she was away on Cybertron. Alone with her thoughts, missing her loved ones. Her life didn’t always have answers as to why the people she loved and believed shouldn’t have been taken were indeed taken. It’s getting old to write of a world where it never happened, she knows and has accepted was the bitter truth. The field is quiet, private, and still.

Soundwave stares at her, a servo around her shoulder, her nose in his tape deck, and her egg sibling in the corner of her optics. “Rumble loved Thundercracker like an older sister,” he said. “She was excited to come see her again one day and Soundwave knows the feeling was mutual. He is sorry for not bringing her back safe to Thundercracker.”

“You’re not at fault though,” Thundercracker said, whispering. “It was an accident…you couldn’t have saved her.”

“Soundwave shouldn’t have pushed himself that day. He is at fault for not ensuring he had enough that day and deployed Rumble out of anger, not tactic. He regrets not being able to bring her home…until now.”

“I’m just…when I first heard she passed, I thought who am I going to share makeup with now?” Thundercracker said. Her shoulders started to shake and her servos bundled into fists, unconsciously they slammed into Soundwave’s tape deck. “Or worry about it being stolen by her! And then it sunk in how long she’d been dead on Earth. But I didn’t know that—I didn’t know she was even dead until everyone came back and I didn’t see her—why is that everyone else got to mourn her when it happened, but me? Why is it that I had to learn she was gone after I had been excited to tell her everything I did while she was gone? It’s just so unfair, Soundwave. Why her? Why did it have to be her…?”

“Soundwave doesn’t know either, but he wishes…he truly does, but he thinks of what he did every day. The hurt he has caused his loved ones with his actions… He’s truly sorry.”

Thundercracker noticed she was pulled closer after that, and when she forced herself to look up, she could make out the quiver of Soundwave’s finials. He was trying not to cry, hold her and his egg as if he were afraid, they’d vanish like the ghosts of his past. When did Soundwave—her carrier—become so small, she asked herself.

She also looked back at the graves again, their rocks piled up with love, and care. Indent marks on the ground, indicating that someone had been there before—multiple times even—to sit there and pray at the edge of it. Small details maybe no one else will ever notice besides those who are reserved and resting beneath those graves, cherished under them. Not because no one else cares, but because no one else was allowed to gaze upon them until now.

Maybe that’s why she finds herself returning her carrier’s tight embrace with an as equally tight embrace of her own, believing that it was her duty as his sparkling to do so, but that it was also a choice and feeling that came from the depth of her own spark that drove her to do it. Seeing her own grave felt bittersweet, yet it also left her feeling proud and sentimental about the mark she had left on another’s life—for all the vorns she had spent wondering if her carrier loved her, regretted having her imperfect self, or believed giving her up was the right choice. Now she knew more than anyone—that she was treated and loved with every piece of her carrier’s being and was never once forgotten by him. Missed beyond belief and mourned.

“Soundwave,” Thundercracker said, breaking the silence between them. She forced herself to look up at him and wipe some of the coolant that leaked from the corner of her optics, her wings waivering like a butterfly in the wind. “I’m sorry for getting lost as an egg…and making you doubt if I even existed or was just a strong hallucination. I’m also sorry for thinking you didn’t want me.”

“Thundercracker was always wanted by Soundwave… He is glad that it was through Starscream’s memories and saved power banks, he was able to experience how her life was once she hatched or realize that she was his missing egg. He only regrets not being able to care for her sooner. For Thundercracker was and still is considered Soundwave’s precious egg baby.”

She wanted to cry even more after hearing that nickname come out of Soundwave’s mouth again—the same name he had called her when he realized she was his sparkling all along and what he called his current sparkling too. What he called them all according to Starscream when asked by her. A term of endearment, his own way of showing love.

But she struggled to maintain her tears or composure when Soundwave kept wiping away her tears with a spare cloth, wiping her optics, nose, and mouth like he had always done before. When she cried because he and Starscream were leaving her all alone on Cybertron. Maybe Starscream was right, Soundwave and her had always been bonded despite the hurdles that caused them to separate and grow unrecognizable over time—they were still as thick as space pirates with a bond thicker than inner energon.

“I leave you all for a jour and you’ve already ruined your makeup,” Starscream said. He flew down and transformed into his root mode, holding some rocks in his servo. He looked at her, Soundwave, and their egg with a smirk on his faceplate. He seemed glad to have his frame back to normal by now, it’s much lighter. He came yet Thundercracker was too busy leaking coolant to greet or snap back at him. And Soundwave was too busy trying to sooth his eldest daughter. She sniffles a little, blowing her nose into the cloth while Soundwave pinches her nose and tells her to blow harder so it all gets out. And she listens to him.

“Soundwave?” Thundercracker asked.

“Yes?” he said.

“Can…can I give the rest of my rocks to Rumble and Grandcare?”

Soundwave’s shoulders rose a little and he turned back to look at Rumble and his carrier's grave—their rock piles and then at Thundercracker’s grave. There was nothing he knew that said she couldn’t. And maybe it’d have been a waste to let her rocks return to the ground, Soundwave thought. So, he nodded and rubbed the top of Thundercracker’s helmet.

“Rumble and Soundwave’s carrier will appreciate Thundercracker’s kindness,” he said to her. “Starscream will help too, right?”

“Yes, yes.” Starscream said. “Isn’t that why I came here? I brought some more rocks for Rumble and your carrier too, look!”

One by one, the three of them walk over to take the rocks that’d once picked and smoothed by servo for his missing egg baby—now revealed to be Thundercracker. Someone Soundwave had always imagined would be full of life and happy despite the living conditions they’d be forced to endure by his side in the pits of Kaon. Someone he wanted to imagine that if they weren’t with him then they were with someone else and living a better life like Ulchtar, a safer one—where they could eat enough, recharge whenever they wanted, be happy.

Thundercracker was well taken care of and given everything she needed to thrive when she hatched and fell in Starscream’s care, what he had learned from their shared memories. She would go on long walks with Starscream to build her equilibrium, fly with him once her wings were strong enough to carry her weight or transform into her alt mode for fun.

And as she got older, she would help Starscream paint in his free time or watch over his experiences (and failures) by acting as his assistant in the flight academy. She never knew what it was like to go hungry, or not have a place to sleep. That was all Soundwave needed. She even made friends—got a trine—she had so many people around to keep her active and loved. Just like he had after he lost her.

Maybe that’s all what he wanted to know was what happened to his sparkling, what they should’ve been given from the start, but couldn’t if they stayed by his side. Learning that Thundercracker had hatched in a safe place, surrounded by people who could care for and teach her what love was while he was busy fighting to survive and take in those he could save and protect—it was as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

Those dreams of wishing he knew where his egg went, or if it was even real, he didn’t have to debate that anymore. For he now knew what’d happened to his egg and despite all the odds that were waged against them to never meet again, he had managed to, and he had even done it by pure chance. He had managed all on his own to find someone he would grow to see as his own sparkling deep down, and would watch over her like she was, all without knowing she had always been his missing sparkling—his lost egg baby.

Notes:

my sweet daughter of fortune you're home...also btw Rumble and TC were quite close. They used to partner up at times on the Nemesis to bully Skywarp together lol, but the reasons for that is something only they would understand...in another world where Rumble survived it'd come to light why that was haha
-
Your hands like lovers
Me in the middle like your child
A world where I had a proper understanding of myself
Why does it all feel so bittersweet now

Chapter 22: Tangerines

“She’s probably just used to doing it because she did it all the time as a hatchling,” Starscream said, catching Soundwave in the middle of another session of brooding as he incubated their egg. He was sitting out in the sun as it blasted them. The shade from the trees was the only thing that stopped him from passing out or feeling like the large star from space wasn’t trying to blind the three of them with its rays. “And stop pouting, you’re making the sparklings upset. One of them won’t stop telling me to make you cheer up.”

“Soundwave is not pouting about Thundercracker. He’s sun bathing with his egg like usual.”

“Fine. Then you’re brooding about her then like those hens Wheeljack is raising on the side as a project with the Terrans to teach them responsibility or something whenever someone tries to take them off their eggs. By the way, I still think Shockwave visits to Earth are just a ploy for him to talk see Wheeljack more…like it isn’t obvious he’s just using the ‘chickens’ as an excuse to start a conversation. What incompetent bots. Humph!”

Soundwave grunted after hearing that, but took out his egg, to hear her start chirping at him through her shell. At first, he used to believe that whatever his sparklings said had always been nonsense and whatever Starscream said it was had been a lie.

But after experiencing Starscream’s memories of Thundercracker as a hatchling and realizing he had been able to understand her, he also realized he could now hear what his youngest sparklings said too. And they were loud, nonsensical in speech, but loud. Right now, someone was chirping at him to pipe down before slamming into his tape deck and rolling off to be held by Starscream. Too hot, she said to Starscream as he bent down to hold her in his arms.

Starscream sighed but sat down next to him. “We can’t just ask Thundercracker to call us her carrier or sire…she’s still adjusting to everything, Soundwave. Give her some more time. We still have to tell her how we’d planned to adopt her after the Great Migration. Before everything was revealed to us and her.”

“Soundwave knows…he was just hoping Thundercracker and his egg would cuddle with him a little more in their recharge at night or feel comfortable enough to.”

He had been hoping to re-arrange his and Starscream’s nest into something more comfortable and spacious for Thundercracker ever since she had started to come over and stay with them more over the past few days. It was no question if his cassettes could fit inside the nest with them, but Thundercracker had always ended up either falling out of it or curled up and pressed into Starscream’s canopy—jet fuel dribbling down her cheeks, servos spread out like her wings, she looked full of bliss.

But as cute as it was to wake up to when he came online, Soundwave wished she did the same to him. He would’ve preferred it, yet despite his attempts to tell Thundercracker it was fine if she wanted to sleep on top of his tape deck instead of Starscream, who always continued to complain when she did. She never took him on his offer and said she would just sleep in the middle with the egg instead of Starscream since it bothered him. But then like always both her and her sisters would end up snuggled right up against Starscream and his wings, much to his constant disappointment.

“You really want all that dried jet fuel all over you?” Starscream said, shocked. He scratched the top of his helmet and raised an optic brow, suddenly he felt awkward when he felt the air around Soundwave change and his finials bend. That meant yes. “I mean—maybe they’ll roll over your way tonight. You never know!”

Soundwave after pondering on that more, manages to nod and lean his cheek on Starscream’s shoulder. “Need to put Thundercracker in tape deck,” he demanded.

“She won’t fit. I know she’s smaller than your average seeker build, but she’s not an egg anymore, Soundwave.”

“Soundwave will find a way.”

Starscream shook his head and looked down at his egg. “You heard your sire, start rolling his way and not mine when you’re trying to keep yourself entertained by knocking down my vents. And tell your older sister to do the same in her recharge too!”

He wasn’t even surprised when his sparkling didn’t make a peep in response for, she had already learned the art of selective hearing from her older siblings—Thundercracker and Frenzy. Laserbeak and Buzzsaw were good examples of that too, but still at least they tried to pretend to pay attention to his and Soundwave’s lecturing whenever they’d been caught in some kind of mischief.

“Soundwave is listening… He expects his egg babies to be a good sparkling and do that for him.”

“That reminds me,” Starscream said. “I’ve been thinking since we're supposed to have two sparklings or twins…we should plan for it a little more. Again I could be wrong though, it’s really hard to tell with how thick a sparkling’s shell can be once they emerge.”

“There isn’t any technology to scan the egg and make sure?”

“Not in Vos, no. It’s considered bad luck to check the sex. No doctor in Vos will agree or tell you they can. It’s because of some old standing tradition, but also because some people used to abandon their eggs much faster if they learned of the sparklings sex and didn’t want it back then, so they outlawed any machinery or technology to check.”

“Then what makes Starscream so sure his egg babies might be egg babies? Soundwave may still want to call them egg baby...but he will acknowledge he has two inside.”

“Well for starters before our sparkling emerged as an egg, she, or both of them refused to sleep! And by sleep,” Starscream said while upset, “I mean the both of them refused to ever let me get any proper recharge, day or night! They absolutely torpedoed by vents, wires, metal. Everything and I mean everything was knocked or crashed into at least once. Oh, and the way they spoke to me was different depending on the time of day too!”

Soundwave cupped his chin and reached over to touch his eggs shell as it rattled due to Starscream’s outburst, both curious if there really was two sparklings inside. Soundwave too had noticed since its emergence that it was active at almost all times of the day and liked to change the tune of its personality depending on the time of day like Starscream insisted. In the morning their egg was active and cold, she liked to sun bathe with him and Ravage while they listened to classical music, or follow Starscream when he watered his plants early in the morning.

But as the sun went down, their egg would grow more quiet and slower as if she was waking up after a long nap before making her presence known to him and Starscream. She liked to listen to loud and vibrant rock music, sometimes whatever else was on the radio and dance to it, different from how she would act in the day. And if he tried to play something else than classical or rock depending on if the sun was up or down, his egg would throw a complete tantrum and roll over to Starscream for comfort because in his egg baby’s own words, her sire was being mean again to her.

“Could be they take shifts being awake,” Soundwave said, musing on his thoughts still as he searched through his archives for anything that could’ve backed up his and Starscream’s thoughts about twins. But when he struggled to find anything, he became frustrated. There wasn’t much about sparklings that emerged as twins, less for those that hatched out of eggs. They were practically on their own with this. “What does Starscream want to do?”

“Nothing,” he said. “We’ll just assume it’s twins and move on from there, they're clearly individuals in nature already. Nothing wrong with planting an extra tree for our sparklings on Cybertron—and if there isn’t more than one. We can just think of it as an extra blessing from us as she grows older.”

“Thundercracker has a tree too on Cybertron, correct?”

“Yes. You should’ve seen it by now when you went through my memories back then. She was so upset to learn that almost all of her classmates had something planted for them by their creators that she refused to eat or come out of her alt mode,” Starscream said and rolled his optics. “I felt so bad…I planted something for her and said even though I wasn’t one of her creators, I wanted her to feel like she had someone in her life who wanted her to grow well.”

“Soundwave looks forward to seeing how the actual ritual takes place later this week in Vos with Starscream.”

“It’s straight forward, but we should re do the one for Thundercracker too, or at least do it properly. I don’t want her to feel left out again or pout like you are,” Starscream said, teasing.

Soundwave said nothing, too busy contemplating if it was worth it to knock his helm into Starscream like an aggravated bull. The only issue was his egg’s safety after he had done it, so he didn’t, sticking his chin up, arms crossed. “Interesting.”

“Do you have anything in mind?” Starscream said.

“Soundwave wants to build a nice area on Cybertron for his family to play in and visit for cycles to come.”

It was customary for a sparkling to have something planted for them on Cybertron, but because at the time he wasn’t sure if he would ever return, he had decided to try and replicate it on Earth. Trees were the most common thing planted due to their tall size, and longstanding growth. Though some people made whole gardens or landscapes to show off.

Starscream didn’t think it was necessary to create or draft such a grand thing for their assumed two sparklings, but when he saw Soundwave’s excitement as they discussed what to plant, he thought Soundwave really did look like Thundercracker. They had the same air around them and even though Soundwave had his mask on, he could practically see the sparkles in his optics or the infectious smile on his faceplate. His future sparkmate was excited to celebrate their ever-growing family, but so was he.

Starscream took a hold of Soundwave’s servo, pulling him up and towards him. “Come on,” he said, laughing. “If we don’t start moving, we’ll never get around to performing the ceremony for our sparklings on Earth.”

“But Starscream said it only applies on Vos soil.” Soundwave said. "He suggested it isn't valid on other planets..."

“There’s no harm in replicating it on Earth. The sparklings were created here after all, it’d be a bit shameful to ignore that part of their creation and to not give Thundercracker another tree since she spends so much of her time here too with us,” Starscream argued. "If it's valid to us, who cares! I’ve already planted an orange tree on Earth for our sparkling when I thought it would just be me and her in front of the Autobots and Megatron. I could care less."

“Soundwave wants to plant another orange tree for his sparkling, but also a tangerine tree for Thundercracker then on Earth and complete the proper ceremony for them.”

Starscream tilted his head to the side a little, a single digit is now pressed on his lips as he thinks about what Soundwave said, but then remembered how Thundercracker had expressed before she wanted to try what tangerines tasted like. “Didn’t she say she wanted to eat some with us later today? Why don’t we use that as an opportunity to tell her she’s been officially registered as our sparkling? We just finished getting everything approved.”

“Soundwave thinks that would be ideal.”

⊹₊⟡⋆ 

Thundercracker seemed excited but also surprised when the both of them had brought out and peeled some tangerines for her. They handed it off to her, neither party interested in eating it, they just wanted to see her eat it all when she pressed them for answers. The fruit of their labor was presented in front of her, so cleanly it’d been difficult to see where the pith still remains or was.

She said it was considered a good luck to not have torn the peel either, the spiral of it was long and almost like a ribbon when she held it, twirling it around her servos while they discussed her plans for the week and while they thought of how to tell her something she would have considered important.

“Thundercracker,” Soundwave said. He was still hesitant about telling her, he and Starscream been officially approved and added legally as her carrier and sire. They’d talked about it long before their sparks had merged and their memories were exchanged, Starscream submitted the paperwork as well after they’d gotten the confirmation from Ratchet that she was theirs. “Present!” she exclaimed much to Starscream’s annoyance and Soundwave’s chuckle. “I mean…yes? What do you need of me.”

 “Soundwave wants to—he means Starscream and him have something important to tell you right now, so please listen well.”

“Wait don’t tell me,” Thundercracker said. She pressed her digits to the side of her head and started to think, firing off a variety of answers, changing it each time Starscream got upset and made a face. His lips becoming so down-turned, it’d have hit the floor. “No, wait is the news that you’re having triplets instead?”

“Well, no, Starscream said. “That’s not what we’re trying to tell you right now. Try again, Thundercracker.”

“Uh then it’s that Soundwave’s sparked or is it Starscream who got sparked again—!” Thundercracker exclaimed.

“Primus, she really is yours,” Starscream said, frowning. “Or maybe you accidentally dropped kicked her an egg and that’s why she’s like this. Otherwise, I don’t know how she had the ability to be this dramatic.”

He had his arms crossed while Thundercracker continued to think and stare at Soundwave, his expression still unreadable due to the mask he wore. She still didn’t understand how Starscream—her sire—could read Soundwave—her carrier—so well. Because not even she could and she worked under him a lot on the Nemesis as his little scouter and errand runner. Or as Starscream liked to say: Soundwave’s way of keeping him in line and out of trouble by holding her well-being over his helm.

“Ours,” Soundwave corrected him. “And Thundercracker was not kicked or dropped as an egg. She was well protected and any dramatics she inherited must have come from Starscream, not Soundwave!”

He raised his fist out of habit about to punch Starscream in the faceplate for trying to joke he had been a bad carrier back then, but forced himself to place it on the counter. It was bad to display violence in front of sparklings, he had to remind himself, but also because of the abuse he had seen Starscream suffer through because of Megatron. Soundwave knew his method of throwing a punch or two was seen as nothing by Starscream and accepted by him even as the nature of their relationship. Whatever he could do or say paled in comparison to what Megatron used to do or threaten Starscream with, but that didn’t mean Soundwave wanted to use it as an excuse to continue the cycle.

“Okay, I’m defeated then…” Thundercracker said, nearly wailing. She propped her chin on the cold kitchen counter, peering up at Soundwave and Starscream. “What’s the big secret then?” she asks, loudly.

“Soundwave and Starscream’s application to add Thundercracker to their medical file and family lineage has been approved today. She is now officially listed as Soundwave and Starscream’s sparkling,” he said. “The tests performed by Ratchet last time were enough to speed the process.

Originally, the plan was to just adopt Thundercracker, and it had always been for the longest time once they discussed her old comments and need to have someone listed as her official carrier and sire. Soundwave and Starscream planned…on asking her of course if that was what she wanted to have happen still. But after learning that she was Soundwave and Starscream’s missing sparkling and seeing her positive reaction to it, changes had to be made, and the process smoother.”

Thundercracker almost fell off her seat when she had managed to process and take in what Soundwave had just told her. And as she regained her balance and looked over to Starscream for reassurance, she was surprised to see him nodding as if to agree and give his approval to Soundwave’s words. Thinking he would say it was all a joke, she waited a little longer, staring at him with wide optics, but then he didn’t and neither did Soundwave who just continued to stare at her.

“I was always going to be adopted—!" Thundercracker managed to say outload. Her cheeks a bright blue color, it looked like someone had spilled paint on them with how she shook and slapped them with her servos. “This isn’t a dream right…or me stuck in one of my old romances novels, right?”

“On the stars, I hope not,” Starscream said, annoyed. “I can read those things you write and send me, Thundercracker. But those novels you write are pure…” he paused when Soundwave turned to look at him with his suddenly mask off to display his narrowed optics and pulled back lips. “…Pure magic, but a little too much for me and I don’t think I could keep up if I was stuck inside one.”

Soundwave got up to hug her. “This is not a dream. Thundercracker was always going to be adopted or taken in by Soundwave and Starscream since Vos lawmakers has rewritten old policies. There was no doubt about that. Soundwave being her carrier or Starscream being her sire all along was just chance, but a positive chance. He’s happy either way.”

“I always knew you guys would adopt me,” she feigned. “Totally, yes…all part of my plan.”

Starscream raised an optic brow when he saw the shake in her wings and thought what a liar his sparkling was, but said nothing, not wanting to ruin the cute moment. His egg seemed to think the same as she rolled over to join the hug, and chirped at him to come too. So, he did.

⊹₊⟡⋆ 

When she was younger and still attached to Starscream’s hip despite his insistence she wasn’t his, Thundercracker remembered learning in school one day that it was considered traditional to have something planted in your honor or in honor of your existence. A responsibility that would be taken on by one’s creator, an age-old ceremony born from a period of time when many sparklings couldn’t make it or survive to the hatching stage. The people of Vos had a saying about it: it was for those who pour out like energon, and what comes next—as if to say, “Thank you for choosing me and if you’re not able to, it’s okay. We’ll meet again when I look at the stars.”

Thundercracker still recalls being rather upset to learn that there was nothing planted for her creation technically—at least not like her classmates who rubbed it in—those who had always had their creators from their beginning to hatch date. They mocked her small stature and lack of a creator; she was alone they said. And the only reason anyone ever stopped was because of Skywarp and Nova Storm, the two seekers would go out of their way to beat up anyone who tried to push her, take her snacks, claim she must have done something to be abandoned.

Her teacher said that sparklings like her had their own tree, but it had been planted with the others like her by the government—orphans—and they were all given the exact same one—a boring bland tree. It had no significance or special thought and meaning behind it, it was just the same as everyone else like her. She didn’t want that, she wanted to be given a glorious blessing and tree like Skywarp and Nova Storm were before emerging, so she told Starscream about it, and threw a tantrum when he said he wasn’t obligated to plant anything for her. She wasn’t his and she was too old now to be given anything, for it to have mattered.

She threatened to leave and never come back or speak to him when he said that, and tried to do just that when he told her to leave like she said she would. She managed to make it to the outskirts of Vos that day and stared out at the sky on one of the random floating sky islands. She sat there trying to imagine what a “happy ending” was supposed to be and her gaze turned to where Kaon was located until there was a down pour of acid rain and she realized her wings were still too weak to fly in this kind of weather. But to her surprise, there wasn’t even a drop on her. She looked up to see Starscream. His wing was sheltering her from the acid rain, but his optics remained on Kaon as well.

When they got back there was a potted flower at the edge of her berth. When she asked Starscream about it, he told her to take care of it in his place. It’d be a chore if she killed it or cried for it while he worked on his thesis papers that cyber-week—a compromise of sorts since he couldn’t plant her anything. Starscream’s point of course, was that her existence must have been cherished by her carrier, and nothing, no matter how small, she was and felt, she was not alone.

She liked to imagine he got it because it reminded him of someone who in her head may or may not have been her carrier. She knew it would’ve been a worthless endeavor to entertain that type of thought or ask about it when Starscream said no one knew where she came from or who, but the only symptoms she felt were that of joy, tenderness, and belonging. She wanted to believe; the one she was left behind by loved her. But had to leave her behind like the heroes in the stories she always read when bored and wasn’t allowed to go outside because she would get sick from the weather. Those types of heroes were brave and to be believed. They did what had to be done, even if it meant leaving behind their sparkling.

Thinking about it now, she wonders how much of her initial version of her creators was true—now that she’s learned the truth of her life story, the beginning of it. Her carrier was a hero in the pits of Kaon, someone who was brave and to be believed and would go off to fight a greater evil when he was strong enough too. But he didn’t want to leave her behind, nor did he go off to fight after leaving her, he went after she left and got lost. And her sire did love her from afar, but he didn’t know she was his all along, just wished she was deep down, and the only evil in his spark—his own internal demons and inner turmoil, the belief he didn’t deserve to be loved, so he pushed her and many others away, her carrier too—multiple times because it was easier.

Starscream and her carrier both pushed each other away but also came back to mourn it, she thinks as they call her over with a shout. She approaches them to look at the tree they’ve planted for her and her siblings—two more. The saplings are young and outpaced by the one Starscream planted on his own time, but overtime they will all grow bigger and reach the same height—the devotion of their creators bearing fruit for them to sit under and connect back to them.

“As one of your creators,” Starscream says, proudly. “I can only hope you and your sisters are surrounded by the strength and resilience to keep shinning and the flight you continue on will allow you to grow like these three trees. Each a different piece of my belief that you are all equally loved by me, Soundwave, and whoever else will be as lucky to know and love you.”

“Soundwave wishes for you all to be unburdened by the past and continue to surpass him in every way possible. He’d even fall if it meant that for it is impossible for him to imagine a world where his family is not around.”

Thundercracker felt her cheeks be simultaneously kissed after that by both her creators, the smile on Soundwave’s lips feels etched into her metal and so is the subtle one Starscream wears across his faceplate. It’s their own way of embedding their newly melded world and combined EM fields around her. And she watches as they do the same with her younger egg sibling they kiss the shell, surprised as she steps forward to do it as well. Her lips press against the smooth shell-like material, whispering softly that she loves them and hopes to meet them soon, and there’s a pleasant chirp in response—I love you too, she manages to make out from the warmth that radiates around her.

They will repeat this process all over again on Cybertron, but for now it is enough to finish what Starscream had already started on Earth, but was unable to bring himself to finish without Soundwave. And she’s glad. Glad that this is something she can be a part of. The flower she used to care for on Cybertron even after the Decepticons had left her, now has a few new friends both on Earth and there—a new symbol to represent who had created her, loved her, and the perseverance of her spark to meet them again.

She’s no longer the unreliable narrator of her own story, dreaming up a tall tale of love or a tragic fantasy of a broken family separated by the stars, imaging those around her are her real creators in hiding like the characters she admired and envied for learning the truth while she sat still wondering, but had no clues of where to start. Every question about her existence she had ever had about her creators or had managed to tell herself must’ve been the truth has now been fulfilled and completed. 

Notes:

Peeled
Cut
Split
Soon, we'll have enough pieces to go around
The children pile on top of us
Yet, we smile

Chapter 23: Cardinals in Love

Notes:

double update because I have free will and this is pure self/sweet indulgent thunderfire romance themed chapter, so…yeah these two met and bonded in another related ff and here's the final OP culmination of that.

there is probably like 2 more chapter of Thunderfire related content and then this mini arc will conclude aka: it's back to SoundStar's domestic life until the ending!

“Are you sure,” Thundercracker said, unsure of herself. She blushed. “This is a lot of stuff, Jetfire.”

“I’m sure,” Jetfire said to her. She then turned around to dig for something and laughed. “Actually…I have more stuff to give you from my trip out. It reminded me of you, blue bird.”

Feeling her interest suddenly piqued, Thundercracker leaned forward to try and see what her companion was digging for. She woke up earlier to someone knocking on her window and instead of Skywarp or Nova Storm, to her initial shock Jetfire had come by with gifts for her.

“Do you like it?” she said, enthusiastically. “It’s a rather rare find.”

“It’s a flower,” Thundercracker said, staring at the potted plant, the leaves were flush with color, and the stem was long with life, but it barely had the beginnings of a proper bloom when she tried to examined it a little further. She was confused why it was so peculiar and difficult to describe. “I do like flowers…”

She then looked up at Jetfire, but was reminded of their almost comical height different. While running through all sorts of scenarios in her head to curse out her shorter than average height when compared to Jetfire, she almost failed to notice the benevolent smile that had appeared in front of her.

Thundercracker tried to smile as warmly in return, curving her optics and lips in the same way Jetfire had done for her, but it came off weaker and fainter than she intended almost fake. Shyly she lowered her optics and attention back to the flower to avoid her actions being taken the wrong way. Closed, the bud of the flower Jetfire had given her was, it still was shut and she wondered if it was on purpose because if looked more than ready to bloom, but hadn’t yet.

“Is it supposed to be like this…? It looks a little dead almost,” she said, trying to laugh. “Does it have a name?”

“No, I haven’t named it yet, I was hoping that would be able to for me, Thundercracker.”

“Oh… I’m not good at names. When I was hatchling, I named things all sorts of weird things…like sometimes I named them after whatever color they were, or what I ate that day. This flower is a little ugly looking,” Thundercracker said.

“Is it?” Jetfire asked. “I think it’s rather cute looking.”

“Cute?” Thundercracker echoed. Her blunder from attempting smile earlier still weighed on her mind. So, she figured it’d be best if she changed the subject to how the plant looked, or tried to be funny. Thinking that it’d save her from making a bigger fool of herself. But then she remembered Jetfire had said earlier when giving her this flower that it reminded her of her and again she mentally kicked herself for accidentally saying something weird. She attempted to stop herself from pouting, but managed to achieve a sullener expression instead.

Jetfire, however, continued to smile at her. She thought Thundercracker was acting rather cute right now—she always was whenever they interacted. She found her to be rather endearing as well despite her strange speaking habits, or comparisons to the books she read in her free time. Though the only complaint she had about Thundercracker was her density to realize that she was being flirted with sometimes or courted with gifts like right now since the Great Migration was coming up.

Though the answer to her question as to why that might have been had been answered when she witnessed some random mech who had been trying to flirt with Thundercracker by asking her for some direction.

Yet Thundercracker seemed to not notice what was happening in that moment. Even when that mech tried to compliment her faceplate and wings by saying she looked good with them. She just nodded like it was normal to be told that and when that mech tried to get rough by grabbing her, Starscream came out of nowhere and scared them off with a blaster and some loud cursing. Thundercracker just stood behind him shaking like a sheet of metal while he comforted her with gentle words.

Jetfire asked him later in private why that was and he said that she was always like that. She had bullied rather harshly as a hatchling before her trine members stepped in to protect her. It was only naturally she didn’t realize when others liked her enough to try and get to know her and if they tried to act out, she would freeze sometimes.

“That’s why I didn’t want her to join the war, but she refused,” Starscream said. “She’s a good kid but…” He seemed hesitant to continue, yet did so when he saw Jetfire nod at him rather understandably. “Just don’t break her spark, kid. We both know you like her that way. I may be old, but I’m not dumb to not see what’s happening right in front of me.”

“Huh?” Jetfire said. She feigned ignorance, but then saw how Starscream’s optics began to change, the way they grew in size, and his shoulders hiked. He looked disgruntled about being lied to, so she bowed her head a little at him as an apology. “I wouldn’t dare to. Thundercracker is special to me.”

“Yeah, well. She is to a lot of people, so don’t go making her cry because she got her spark broken, or I will turn you into dust like that mech from earlier when she’s not looking. And her carrier would do something even worse to you if he saw her cry.”

Jetfire tried to smile at Starscream, but he didn’t acknowledge it. Instead, he just shook his head and crossed his arms. He even glared at her again. “As her sire, I just want her to be happy. It’s the least she deserves. I know her carrier…he wants the best for her too and has been by her side long enough to understand her, but I was the one who raised her since hatching, so forgive me if I’m a little protective over her. Do you understand what I’m trying to say right now, Jetfire?”

“I know,” she said to him. “I want her to be happy to…even if it isn’t with me in the end.”

“Good. You better mean that,” Starscream said.

Jetfire shook herself out of her reverie to find Thundercracker staring up at him, her optics wide like chargers and her servos now wrapped around a data pad, not the flower she had been holding earlier.

“I’m, sorry,” she apologized, feeling a little puzzled now as to what had gone on while she was thinking about Thundercracker in front of her. “I must have zoned out a little…”

“It’s okay,” Thundercracker said, chirping. She flaps her wings and pushes the data pad up to her faceplate as if to hide the blush on her cheeks. “I was just going to show you this new script I wrote!”

Jetfire wanted to pinch Thundercracker’s cheeks when she acts shy like that, pinch them like the soft pliable round dough balls of metal they are to her, but she forces her servos to stay at her side and locks those thought out.

She doesn’t want to scare Thundercracker off with her sudden and rather impromptu desires of intimacy, or intentions to court her in the future someday. She’s almost certain they both feel the same, that they have felt something for each other—past a surface level of friendship—since their first and real meeting on Cybertron. All her calculations point to a high percentage of a relationship happening between them, but there is only so much she can theorize and use to test if her hypothesis of love is correct. A hypothesis he wanted to test—if not bet it all on—the flower she had gifted Thundercracker.

Like she had told her earlier it was a rare find, but it was rare find not because of how hard it was to find, but rare find because of what it did. It was a flower that bloomed if it felt there was a strong desire of love between the party that had gifted it and the party that it had been gifted to. It was more of a legend though, less than something scientific. While not her particular style, it would be for Thundercracker.

She liked romantic gestures, the trembling patience of waiting for a prince to come and visit his princess, the chase of two lovers attempting to escape to greener pastures—away from their arguing families—possibly she liked the thrill of being loved like that. That way, she could know it was hers.

⊹₊⟡⋆ 

“You’re not bored right,” Thundercracker asks. “We can watch something else instead if you are…something not romance related. Maybe a nature documentary?”

“No, it’s fine. I like watching romance movies with you,” Jetfire said, smiling at her. “Plus, you like this movie.”

“Oh,” Thundercracker said. “Yeah, I do.”

Her wings move like she’s not trying to hide her affection, or ponders the idea of holding Jetfire’s servo as they spend time together again like they always do when they have time. One optic still trained with the idea of holding her servo while they watch movies in the dark, she’s been long hidden underneath some makeshift fort she made with Jetfire earlier—it’s built out of blankets and pillows stolen from around her living quarters.

Ever so secretly she swears there’s a subtle laugh that can be heard from Jetfire like it belonged to her, for her. Something only, she should hear. It isn’t a date she reminds herself, not admitting that it could have always been once if she was bold enough to ask. She just didn’t know what could be hers yet, so she focuses her attention on the screen in front of her.

Yet, she swears she can see Jetfire stare at her, the pupils of her optics flicker ever so secretly—whenever she leans forward to see the main girl get the kiss she deserves from the love interest—and look at her in the same way. In a way that makes her spark turn and jump a few hoops, struggling to stop the blush that floods her cheeks, or hold her wings back from fluttering.

Here, she feels like holding something and moves her servo outward, the palm of it facing the sky, but her optics never leave the movie. Here, she can feel it be taken by something, it’s warm and far larger than her own servo, but she swears it fits better than she thought it would. It’s even held long after the movie ends, maybe even kissed, and her spark begins to turn out of hope.

“I’m not dreaming right,” Thundercracker whispered. She closed her optics for a moment before opening them to see Jetfire still holding her servo and staring back at her with a smile.

“No…” Jetfire said. She felt a little embarrassed for kissing Thundercracker’s servo so quickly, but she couldn’t help herself but think of doing it. “…I didn’t scare you? Did I?”

“No—” Thundercracker said, squeaking. She had retracted her servo long ago and was now touching it. She was dazed at the thought of her feelings being returned after so long. “No, I was just caught off guard…that’s all. I didn’t think you liked me that way too.”

“I always have though,” Jetfire said. She held back a deep laugh as she watched Thundercracker shrink into the blankets wrapped around her shoulder, she looked like tiny a steel clam—tucked away in its own aquarium—while she stared at it from the outside. Not allowed to tap the glass. “But I could tell you weren’t ready to start anything, so I decided to wait…before making a move. Your sire agreed.”

“He—He did? Wait when was this. How come he didn’t tell me!” Thundercracker yelled.

“When you first introduced me to him. I thought I was hiding my feelings for you, but he said it was obvious when looking at my optics,” Jetfire said, nervous. “I guess…you could say I was struck by you when we finally met in person.”

Thundercracker chirped when she heard Jetfire say that. She had heard the term “struck” before, but it was a legend of sorts in Vos—a belief that a single person could fall in love almost instantly if they met the right person—desirable but difficult to believe was true. Slowly she peaked her head out of the blankets that had become her cocoon to sit in front of Jetfire, to look at her.

“You love me? You really love me?” Thundercracker asked.

“From the day we first spoke on the phone,” Jetfire declared. “Maybe even before that, Thundercracker.”

Although still embarrassed, Thundercracker forced herself to fully crawl out of the blankets she had been hiding under and stared at Jetfire as if to search for whatever fatal flaw that was supposed to come through her sweet-laced words. And when she couldn’t find anything, she didn’t know what to do, other than to sit there with her servos to the ground, cheeks burning, and wings flapping. 

“Wait,” she tried to insist, swallowing the lump in her throat. “I don’t think—”

“I think you’re everything,” Jetfire said, tenderly. In a flash, her servos reached for Thundercracker and her waist until the tiny blue seeker had been pulled and secured in her lap, optics ablaze, she stared at her. “You’re all I think of when I’m away. You’re all I see.”

With a giggle, Thundercracker wrapped her arms around Jetfire’s neck, bringing their faceplates closer. She stares up at her, unsure of what to do or say. It’s her first time being so up close intimate with another mech that wasn’t her family, and the only direct experience in romance she had ever had was from reading her novels and writing her scripts. “So are you...even if you’re a million cycles away. I always wonder how you’re doing, if you miss, or think of me.”

Jetfire laughed and put a servo to Thundercracker’s cheek, pinching it like it were a soft cloud. “You’re so cute, you know that? Cute enough to eat, or hide from the world.”

“So, I’ve been told…” Thundercracker replied, smiling. “But am I cute enough to kiss?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Jetfire said, bringing her lips toward Thundercracker.

Their lips crash into each other, inevitably leaving them both to stare at one another and groan due to the pain before laughing it off while looking at each other, and attempt to kiss each other again. This time, however, it works out in their favor. Thundercracker can feel her optics begin to shudder, and beads of coolant leak as Jetfire continues to hold onto her, large servos press up against her back, rubbing circles into her metal.

She wonders if Jetfire has been practicing on her own, or researching the best techniques for kissing, but those thoughts are long gone by the time she feels her intake go short. Jetfire’s servos change tactic by taking a hold of Thundercracker’s own servos, guiding them to her frame: chassis, waist, back. All the places she’s been permitted and being indicated to touch if possible.

As they pull apart, Thundercracker can feel her frame has gone to jelly, there’s little resistance in her wires once Jetfire scoops her up and they make their way out of the fort to her berth. Once she’s brought to it, Thundercracker brings her arms out and stares at Jetfire with a fierce pout.

“I think…I think I was supposed to get a little more of that,” she said, feigning innocence. Her words earn a hearty laugh from her companion, who steps forward to kiss her cheek, scooping her faceplate in her servos, holding her as if she were everything in the world.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get plenty. We have all the time in the world,” Jetfire said, grinning. Her optics, however, end up landing on the flower that she had been given earlier after saying that, and the smile on her faceplate grows in size. It’s bloomed—it’s more than bloomed. The colors are vibrant and loud, a true representation of her love for Thundercracker. A beautiful shade of blue.

“All the time in the world?” Thundercracker said, blushing. She shifted her legs to the side and pulled Jetfire until she was laying on top of her, looped digits pressed against the edge of Jetfire’s helm, their lips so close to touching like before. “What does that even mean?”

“You’ll see,” Jetfire said, kissing Thundercracker’s forehead. “But don’t complain about it too much after.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Thundercracker said, feeling excited. She squealed when Jetfire scooped her up and threw her across the berth before crawling on top of her with simplistic ease, showering her in a burst of kisses. The smell of fruit flavored lip gloss lingering in the air as she does. “Is it weird I feel like…I’ve known you forever? Like I really do, I’ve never clicked this much with someone before. I hope that isn’t too weird. I’m just trying to say that I love you too, Jetfire.”

“It isn’t” Jetfire said, gently. “If I could, I’d have met you sooner, Thundercracker.”

“Me too,” Thundercracker said. “Me too.”

Notes:

Tender
Sweet
My mouth is drawn towards you
Like a bee to nectar
And a dog to its bed
If you look now
I'm waiting

Chapter 24: Sofa Talk

Notes:

soundstar intermission goodness

“I still don’t trust that Jetfire girl… Thundercracker said you met her when you first returned to Cybertron, right? What was that like,” Starscream asked, curious. He had his optics trained on the movie Soundwave had insisted on watching for the night—a rom com of all things while their egg slept nearby on the floor bundled in fluffy blankets and pillows, she seemed to like the background noise—but he didn’t think the movie was horrible. Rather a little mediocre in some aspects.

“She was nice, polite, tall…” Soundwave responded. “…A little forgettable though, but more memorable the second time.” He opened his mouth to yawn, pressing his nose closer into Starscream’s lap as the seeker continued to massage his finials and the back of his helm, cold blue digits rub and press against his metal. It left a tingling like sensation against his sensors due to the temperature difference between him and Starscream—hot versus cold. 

“You’re only saying that because Jetfire brought you a bag of fancy energon mellows from that planet she was stationed on last month,” Starscream said. He let out a sigh as if remembering how that specific encounter with Jetfire had irked him, Soundwave had gotten too distracted by whatever they were being given to even ask Jetfire what her intentions with their daughter were. If it came from a place of genuine interest. “You're too easy to bribe sometimes! We need to work on that...”

“What’s wrong with being easy to bribe in this scenario?” Soundwave argued. “Jetfire is trying to court Soundwave’s oldest egg baby right now. Naturally, she must try her best to be accepted by him. It's obvious she wants you to like her as well. She's always bringing those rare plant variegations and samples from other atmospheres in case Starscream is interested in them which he usually is, so stop complaining about Jetfire! She's always bringing something for the both of us when she has time. She spoils Thundercracker a bunch too. I see no wrong.”

“I know, “Starscream said, irked. “But I still get the feeling that there is something off with her …. At least whenever she’s with Thundercracker. But no matter how many times I've meet her before or after they got together, I just get a little uneasy about them. That’s all. Maybe, I still can't help, but worry if Thundercracker is secretly being toyed with by Jetfire and that we've all had the metal pulled over our optics.”

Despite the conversations sudden turn into Jetfire’s intentions with Thundercracker, Soundwave remained like jelly in Starscream’s lap. The rumble of his engine and his continuous yawning in response to having his helm massaged. “Starscream is thinking too much again. Thundercracker is happy… She is all grown up now too. She doesn’t need Soundwave or Starscream to tell her who she can’t be with. All she wants is to be told her choice will be supported. If we push her to not be with Jetfire in the end, she will only go out of spite to prove us wrong and we’ll lose her all over again.”

Starscream stopped massaging Soundwave for a second and stared at him. “You’re right,” he said. “If we tell her not to continue dating Jetfire, she’ll only put both her wings and pedes down and do it even more… She just wants to be happy in the end and right now her happiness is with Jetfire.”

“Exactly,” Soundwave said, still sleepy. “But also, who said Starscream could stop the massage he was giving right now…?” He let out a loud triumphal snort when those same digits that were rubbing against his finials and helm returned to their original position and continued to rub circles into them.

“Forgive me your royal highness,” Starscream said, bored. He maintained a smile, however, and shifted his helm to look down at Soundwave. “What else would you like to have done for you tonight?”

“More helm massages and then some kisses…” Soundwave said, pouting.

“That’s what I thought,” Starscream said, rolling his optics. “But if you fall asleep, don’t suddenly wake up and yell at me to continue.”

“Soundwave paid for this though!”

“You paid for this with what though?”

Soundwave fluttered his brightened optics as he looked up at Starscream. “Cuteness and my frame. Isn’t that enough?”

It wasn’t the first time he would try this trick on Starscream, but it would be the first time he felt comfortable enough to try it in his own home and not somewhere on the Nemesis when he had accidentally drunken himself into a corner and wanted to hide from all.

Starscream pinched Soundwave’s cheeks, embarrassed that his lover’s trick had worked on him, but continued to do as he was instructed—a helm massage. His wings fluttered; he should’ve known better than to let this type of sweet talk slide, but overtime, he had learned Soundwave knew how to get his way.

Because after learning that they were supposed to have a sparkling together, Soundwave would try and stay the night with him in his home on Earth—overstay his welcome on purpose despite being thrown and forced out. He would even go as far as to stare at him through the window and into the living room, lips drawn into a subtle pout and a gaze so laser-focused on being let in for the night, Starscream thought Soundwave was going to break the glass and tumble in to steal a spot next to him. Maybe even his ice cream.

Starscream also thought Soundwave had increased his flair for the dramatics, but so had he. He would draw the curtains as to hide the imminent glow of the owlish optics that stared at him while he sat on the couch and continued to watch whatever random show he had on, effectively ignoring Soundwave's attempts to pity his way back inside and on the couch. Although that initial curtain call had been done out of pettiness on his part, it started to become a simple game of teasing between the two until someone gave in.

Things were for the most part rather ambient despite the little game they had begun to and would still continue to engage in despite their understanding of each other’s feelings.

But only if Starscream didn’t feel as if he had let in a wild beast or owl into his home for breakfast sometimes before chasing it out when he had to leave. He had forgotten how large Soundwave’s appetite could be, or his need to be petty. But he also missed it. He missed having the ability to feed someone he loved and shared a berth with.

Admittedly before he had let Soundwave—properly—enter his life, he had to admit to himself that there was a part of him that missed the heavy weight on his chassis when he recharged, or the wandering servos that would encroach on his waist and aft when he was making their owner something to eat, and the budding bites that would sink into him. The pieces and parts that blended in with his paint, truly he had underestimated Soundwave’s ability to make him feel joy, his sparklings too.

A sudden snore and trickle of stealth bomber fueled drool fell onto his servo, it was enough to snap Starscream out of his thoughts. The same thoughts that remind him he no longer has to concern himself with a certain degree of what ifs, concern if things will work out, concern he’s being too difficult and pushing Soundwave away, or if losing him was the right choice in the end. Whatever, doubt or sadness he had felt before, it had already been eaten away by the gluttonous Soundwave, who stays in his lap, his nest, his side. 

“Megatron was wrong. You are not a domesticated pigeon, who will always find its way back home. You are an owl, who refuses to stay, yet also refuses to be ignored,” Starscream said, very quietly in awe. He speaks in an old Vosian dialect. The trill of his vocalizer as his glossa rolls towards the end of his sentence and another starts. “All these moments may have passed between us, but you’ll always be a little owl in my optics… Beautiful as the day I met you. No, when you fell on me and stole my very spark.”

Gingerly, he swoops his clean digits across the side of Soundwave’s finials, helm, and neck. As if following a map, he runs across them in one steady movement, and lets them sits there. The movie he was watching with Soundwave has long finished, neither of them truly paying attention, it’s no longer being used to fill the silence of his spark, it’s not needed—Soundwave and their nearby egg is enough to make him feel less lonely.

Starscream smiles when he hears Soundwave chirp at him and their egg, who still sleeps on the floor, safe and sound. She barely stirs to move, content with how things are. The chirps from Soundwave are meaningless if translated into words or thought of, but it carries the tone of a person who is fueled by consistency, soft touches, and servos that will never let go of him, or his sparklings.

Because although Starscream had tried his best to close off all the doors to his spark, even the very last door, someone had dared to wedge their pede in it, forcing it to stay open—all because they had wanted to come back in—announcing their inevitable and permanent return to his spark, where they belonged. All because Soundwave had wanted to come back in. He demanded it. He took it. He asked for it and received it.

Notes:

How good to be touched
A future that may not have happened
I have come home to you
Lay with me
Kiss me
Adore me

Chapter 25: She's Got a Way

There were piles of makeup when Skywarp and Frenzy first tried to enter the room. Slowly, the both of them pushed through and searched around the room as if trying they were to find someone among it all.

“TC?” Skywarp called out. She then crossed her arms and looked down at Frenzy. “You sure she’s here?”

“Hey, I’m just going off of what Soundwave told me!” Frenzy said, shouting. “Don’t blame me if we can’t find her.”

“Sorry—sorry. I’m right here, I called you guys over because I need to talk to someone right now and Nova Storm is a little busy with Hashtag,” Thundercracker exclaimed from the closet. She came tumbling out of it soon enough, landing on her faceplate before the two mechs. “Wait. Does my makeup look okay? I thought about going more natural. Does it work? Be honest about it—Wait don’t be too honest, but some honesty is good.” she said. “I need some honesty here.”

“You look like you always do,” Skywarp retorted. “Normal—” She paused as Frenzy kicked her ankle and shot her a glare. “Normal, but also a little different. A good different, TC.”

“I think you look rather rad,” Frenzy added. “Like super. The new glitter polish is a good touch too!”

“Okay… okay. I can work with ‘rad’ and ‘good different’ that’s fine,” Thundercracker began to mutter. She stood up and bolted for a mirror. As she examined her reflection, she could see how fast her wings were still flapping. She groaned as Skywarp and Frenzy began to approach her. 

“I don’t get why you’re so nervous. Just relax, it’s just a date. Haven’t you guys been going steady for a while,” Skywap said. She rolled her optics and slapped her servos on Thundercracker’s shoulders. “Listen. You’re going to be fine. It’s just a date. You’ve hung out with her before and she’s met Starscream and Soundwave all the time. I mean your creators. They like her.”

Thundercracker’s wings shook even more as she whimpered. “But they're going to see us off on a date for the first time, Skywarp! I just want to make sure they actually approve of her…especially as my girlfriend! I mean, they said they think she’s nice when I asked them last night. But what if they don’t really like her?”

“Girl, I thought they had positive experiences when meeting her the last few times,” Frenzy said, confused. She leaned on Skywarp’s leg. “Or at least looked at her and didn’t try to blast her.”

“I don’t think carrier remembers meeting Jetfire, at least the first time. He wasn’t really paying attention back then. No—he seemed kind of moody that day. Like someone switched out his fuel. And then the next few times when Jetfire came over… I think he was just into what she brought him to eat,” Thundercracker said, stomping her pede.

“I think the Boss was pretty moody that first meeting or something. He hadn’t eaten enough sugar for the day when you tried to introduce Jetfire to him,” Frenzy said. She also laughed at the memory of a silent and brooding Soundwave who had barely stared at Thundercracker’s space shuttle of a “friend” at the time. It was pretty funny to witness.

“Okay fine, but sire is who I’m really worried about because he—”

“You’ll be fine,” Skywarp said, reaching over to pinch Thundercracker’s lips together. “Hey, look at me.”

Thundercracker managed to nod despite the awkward positioning of her lips being held hostage and the tearful look she gave Skywarp then Frenzy who kept laughing with a servo over her mouth. Skywarp, however, continued to hold her trine member in place and smiled at her pain.

“Everything will be fine. Nova Storm and I already like her. Frenzy thinks she can be cool which is a feat in itself. Ravage and Laserbeak think she got good vibes. What more do you need, TC?”

“I just want…I just want them to tell me they actually like her too,” she said, meekly. “That’s all I want. For them to accept her as a person…approve of her in case…”

“Oh, stop over thinking it!” Frenzy exclaimed. “You haven’t even gotten the guts to fully court the girl yet, but you’re already out here running circles around us to make sure we approve of her if the time ever comes.”

“Okay,” Thundercracker said, blushing. She rubbed her lips the moment Skywarp released them from her iron grip and slapped her cheeks a little as if to bring herself back to reality. “I’m just going to have a nice simple date with Jetfire for ice cream, and maybe. Maybe ask my creators if they actually approve of her after the date, or if they’re just playing along because they can…and definitely not freak out if they don’t admit to liking Jetfire—!”

“Sure,” Skywarp said, flabbergasted. “She’s definitely not going to freak out. Right, Frenzy?”

“She’s definitely not going to freak out,” Frenzy repeated while shaking her head. The both of them shared a similar looking look on their faceplates. “Our girl is definitely not freaking out over a date with her girlfriend Jetfire, who she’s hung out with before and had plenty of dates with already.”

“Shut up,” Thundercracker said, annoyed. “You guys can’t tease me over this. Not when you barely found the hardware to tell Soundwave that you’re dating each other—that you’ve been dating for the last few cycles behind their back!”

“We already told my creators about it though. Like last week? And then my creators yelled at Starscream because they thought he knew and when he didn’t, I was the one yelled at for not telling anyone and forced to apologize too,” Skywarp interjected. “Isn’t that enough, TC? You, Nova Storm, and Frenzy all got to watch me grovel in front of Soundwave because my sire said it was rude of me to not ask for his favor before dating Frenzy.”

“I said, I’d tell the Boss when I’m ready,” Frenzy said, rolling her optics. “Who knew it had to come out of Starscream’s mouth first and I’d get shaken down for it by Soundwave. I’m a grown mini-bot anyway, so he can’t really lecture me anymore. But it was funny to see him stare at Skywarp while she apologized.”

“We’re the same age actually,” Skywarp corrected Frenzy. “Well, I’m about a moon older than you, Shortie.”

“Say then, don’t change the subject,” Frenzy said. "Or, I'll pull out the tape of you on the floor asking for forgiveness again, Skywarp."

Thundercracker dimmed her optics and huffed. “At least you and Skywarp knew how things were going to go after getting together… I already sensed the chemistry between you guys on the Nemesis. Meanwhile I’m still not sure how things are going to go with me and Jetfire in the eventual future.”

“Your sire will always vaporize her if she does something to make you sad anyway,” Skywarp said, smirking. “So, keep putting on some nice lipstick, or start marching down stairs and wait for Jetfire to arrive like she promised.”

⊹₊⟡⋆

“Jetfire.” Starscream said, frowning.

“Hello,” she said, smiling. Jetfire bowed her head forward a little out of respect. “I brought you guys some more sweets and saplings. Thundercracker said you and Soundwave liked them last time.”

“We did yeah,” Starscream grunted and accepted the set of gifts. As he stared out at the flight mech in front of him, leading her inside to the living room, it felt like he had been hit with a sense of déjà vu again. He had already been hit with it when he met her the first time around, but he never went away despite meeting her after that, he wasn’t sure why, and tried to ignore it.

Thundercracker had been working hard to ensure this official meeting happened before her ice cream date with Jetfire. He didn’t need Soundwave’s telepathic ability to see how in love with “Jetfire” his sparkling was either, it was clear. He saw the flutter in her wings whenever she came back from a call, or got a letter. Soundwave did too.

Both, he and Soundwave understood she was deeply interested in this person and wanted their obvious approval before anything serious happened between them, but what they didn’t understand at first for the longest time was why nothing had happened between them despite how close they seemed until recently.

Especially when he noticed what Jetfire had been gifting Thundercracker whenever they first started to meet up on Earth before they had decided to make things between them more clear. It started off as little things: crystals, makeup, flowers, and then it moved more personal items like jewelry and scented waxes. It was an age-old tradition to pursue a future sparkmate this way, meet the creators too and win their favor.

Starscream couldn’t help, but feel concerned that Jetfire was messing with Thundercracker at first due to how easy it was to claim those gifts had non-romantic intentions, but they were both from Vos, so that was a little hard to say was the case at first. And Thundercracker seemed to be on edge as well about accepting so many gifts without the expectation to return any of it—hesitant to believe that she had someone show such a genuine interest in her and didn’t want to play games.

Until, Jetfire made a move and Thundercracker accepted it without question. They seemed to be taking things slow, Starscream thought. He would see the two of them occasionally, one mech calm with her greetings and gifts, the other a ball of buzzing electricity no matter the positive consensus he and Soundwave had shared with her. It seemed even if they had said, “You can date Jetfire, it’s fine.” It wasn’t enough to quell their sparklings over active mine.

“Soundwave’s probably coming down soon,” Starscream said. “He went to go and check on Thundercracker.”

“Alright,” Jetfire said, cheerfully. Nervously she began look down at her servos, shoulders slumped, and her intake scarce while Starscream studied her. It was hard for her to tell if Thundercracker’s creators—if Starscream even—liked her, he seemed neutral for the most part, but she knew how much it meant to Thundercracker, who stressed about it often.

Starscream crossed his legs and leaned back into his seat. “Thundercracker told me…how you two share a similar background, and formed a bond over that. I assume she also told you about her reasons for joining the war?”

“Yes.”

“And what do you think about that?” Starscream asked Jetfire. He crossed his arms while staring at her, watching as she rubbed her servos together and shifted her pedes to the side before sighing.

“I think…it’s admirable of her to be so strong in her own resolve to fight for what she believed in and wanted to change. She mentioned your proposals to the government back then to change how orphans were listed and treated as non-status ranking beings on Cybertron. Enigmas. People without an identity, or way to escape,” Jetfire said, quietly. “She also said…they tried to silence you and torched your lab, nearly killing the both of you, so you tried to send her away somewhere safe, but she refused and ran to get recruited to join the war before you could stop her. She was afraid of losing you. Afraid if she went to fight in the war, you’d die and she’d never even know…how or when.”

Starscream stared at Jetfire and closed his optics for a second. “Yeah, that’s all true. I tried to argue for her right to be adopted by me by the time she had grown into a full-fledged Cybertronian, but the corrupt Vosian officials back then told me because she had been collected by them as an egg, and her creators had technically removed and erased their initial bond rights to her. She belonged to them, and even if I had been raising her and in charge of her studies, she could always be taken if I was deemed ‘unfit to control’ her and when I argued against that, they sent a message." He snorted. “Clearly, we got it loud and clear, but did the opposite of what they wanted.”

“Sometimes I think about how I could’ve been unluckier in life since I’m also an orphan like her,” Jetfire said. “If I hadn’t been taken in by the Science Academy when I was still a hatchling and rushed to escape the war by the time it started to hit all of Cybertron…wouldn’t I have been another shield for them too? Would I have even met Thundercracker when I did?”

“Who knows,” Starscream said. “Sometimes I think about how I was supposed to be in my lab that day with Thundercracker, but she requested getting something to eat, and we went. Usually, we never go out for lunch. I used to hand her some shanix and she’d go buy something for the both of us. I could’ve died that day, maybe even her too instead.”

“Funny how that works,” Jetfire said, laughing weakly.

Although she had first met Thundercracker through a simple chat box and the only line of communication words, Jetfire thought whoever was on the side was cheerful and liked to believe that things will always work out, the exact opposite of her—so she played along. Thundercracker had never said it when they first started to talk more over call—the tone their voices bouncing off one and another as they got to know each other deeper. But there was a clear sense of loneliness about her, despite her vivid imagination and love of fiction. She hated the unknown, but that was all she had known since hatching. Her carrier and sire were a mystery to her back then—and all she had was someone who acted like either, but couldn't do anything to accept the title—Starscream. She knew it had nothing to do with her or their relationship as people, rather the circumstances of Vos at the time. Those who renounced ownership of their sparklings, also renounced the ability for outsiders to take them in, orphans like her belonged to Cybertron. Their chosen names if not given in time or strongly enough were erased by the time they awoke. Starscream was only allowed to raise her due to his high status, if it were anyone else she had bonded with, or someone low enough in Vos in terms of rank, she would’ve been stripped from them and reprogrammed to forget everything then shipped to work in the energon mines, or the archives.

Jetfire still remembers the tree she kicked down after learning of Thundercracker’s past, the sweet yet drunk giggle as Thundercracker told her to forget about what she had said earlier. The griming and bleakness of her escaping near death, long before the war had truly begun. And the ache in her spark, imagining the life Thundercracker would have lived if she hadn’t met the people she had met as a hatchling—important and top students of their individual fields. People who had the status to argue and sponsor her. The hurt and loss, she would haven been filled with to forget them, if she could even understand why she felt sad in the first place.

How languorously she writes and talks about her day, arguing that nothing is better than to draft her daydreams into something real. Perhaps that was when Jetfire realized she fell for someone she only knew by chat message or voice. The thought of never meeting a Thundercracker, who was in awe about living made her feel uncomfortable. The thought of never meeting a Thundercracker, who told her it was cool that she could explore plants on her own, and yet also understood how isolating it all was for her. Deep down, she had always wanted to ask her how they could be so similar yet different when those thoughts surfaced again and again without hesitation.

“You remember what I said to you once right? About not breaking her spark or so Primus help me, I will strike you down myself with a vengeance,” Starscream said. He felt a little annoyed when the space shuttle in front of him started to space out on him, gripping the edge of the couch. The look on her faceplate too. It reminded him of Soundwave whenever he got lost in thought, bad thoughts. “Jetfire?” he asked.

“Yes,” Jetfire said, briefly. She brought a servo up to her lips, attempting to disguise the cloudy look in her optics. They had started to dim as she thought of Thundercracker’s past and her own. Both of them were lonely as sparklings—orphans—yet they clearly had had different sparkhoods and outcomes.

“Thundercracker may not believe it, but I do approve of your relationship and whatever may come out of it,” Starscream said, sighing. "Obviously her carrier does, but I'm the one who's been the most skeptical about everything since it started."

“You approve of me?” Jetfire said, shocked. “Are you sure?”

“I do,” Starscream admitted. “Maybe it’s because I’ve seen how much she’s grown up since being left on Cybertron, or because I can see how much you mean to her that I’m willing to come around for a little, but,” he paused. “That doesn’t mean I approve of you two becoming sparkmates right now. At least so soon after affirming your relationship to one another. I also saw the flower you gave her when you two first started going out. I saw how it looked after you left. That it had bloomed so suddenly.”

Jetfire opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She already knew about the floor blooming, but Thundercracker never openly mentioned it to her nor did she ever find the time to bring it up. There was always another distraction or thing that took major precedence instead.

“You knew?”

“I always knew. And Thundercracker didn’t want to tell you because she got embarrassed, excited, and anxious all in the same breath over if we were going to accept you into our family,” Starscream said. “She’ll probably tell you the news tonight about the flower and me knowing about it, so pretend for her sake that you never knew, or that I said something. She’d get mad.”

Jetfire smiled and laughed. “That sounds like her… and I will.” The weight in her shoulders has now dissipated and she looks over at Starscream, who although still frowning, his optics meet her with approval.

“Make sure you have a nice date,” he says. “I’m sure you both deserves to have a nice night out since the Great Migration is approaching, but remember no courting for it. There are plenty of other events and celebrations you two can do instead to show off your love.”

“We will,” Jetfire said, beaming. “Oh right, the place we’re going! It’s this ice cream shop, Thundercracker has been wanting to check out with me. I’ll have her back home before it gets too dark.”

“Don’t bother…” Starscream said. He pinched the bridge of his nose as if in disbelief over what he was about to say. “She’s old enough to take care of herself, just make sure she has fun and comes back in one piece, Jetfire.”

“Yes, Sire.”

“Don’t push it, Kid. I just said you can continue to date Thundecracker and court her later in the future without worrying, not call me that!”

⊹₊⟡⋆

“I can’t tell if you’re here to watch our sparkling while she’s on an ice cream date with her girlfriend, or if you’re just here to eat ice cream right now,” Starscream said. He furrowed his brow ridges as Soundwave ignored him and took another spoonful of his ice cream. “I thought you said you weren’t hungry?”

“I’m always hungry,” Soundwave said, scooping another taste of the frozen treat in front of him, “Starscream isn’t eating it right now, so I will eat for him instead!”

Starscream shook his head and looked over at his egg, she was active right now, rolling herself into little donut circles in front of them. “See? Even she knows we should’ve gotten you more scoops to try.”

“Sorry egg babies…. But you can’t have any ice cream right now,” Soundwave said, somberly as his egg beeped a flurry of words at him. “No, I’m not lying! What do you mean you’d believe me if I stopped stuffing my faceplate with ice cream in front of you and your carrier…”

“Ha,” Starscream said, curtly. He wrapped his servos around his egg and kissed its shell. “What a good pair of sparklings, you are. Chewing out your sire for me. Heh.”

“That’s called favoritism,” Soundwave said, annoyed. “And too much of it! Bad egg babies.”

Starscream snorted. “Maybe say that when you don’t have whipped cream all over your cheek, dear. Here let me help,” he said.

Soundwave looked at him suspiciously as instead of reaching over for a napkin to wipe his cheek, Starscream reached over to lick his cheek and kiss it.

“That’s not help,” Soundwave said, blushing. “Now move, Soundwave has to see if Thundercracker will make the first move or not!”

“She’s not going to make any moves if we keep snooping,” Starscream said, bordering a yell then whisper. “Also, I thought we agreed to not stalk them earlier? What changed. You weren’t this protective when we found out Frenzy and Skywarp were dating.”

“Soundwave just wants to see how this date goes since Thundercracker was so nervous about it… and maybe he also wanted to try this place too. Frenzy kept saying it has good flavors.”

Starscream felt his optics almost go out. He could feel his processors scream at Soundwave: Just admit you wanted to go and eat ice cream! This has nothing to do with if Thundercracker makes any moves or not!

“Just ignore them,” Thundercracker said. The steam coming out of her vents was a clear enough indicator to hint at who she was referring to. But so was where her optics kept wandering off to before returning back to Jetfire. “I didn’t think they’d follow us! Honestly, so embarrassing of them to be like this. I'm not a hatchling…”

“It’s okay. Really,” Jetfire said, smiling. “I think it's sweet they wanted to…sort of join us from afar. Unless you want to leave and go do something else?”

“No way,” Thundercracker said, huffing. “I’ve been waiting forever to come visit this place and share a milkshake with you! Oh wait, I wanted to tell you something happened recently.”

“You did?” Jetfire said. “What happened?”

“That flower you gave me. It…bloomed on the same night you gave it to me, after you left and we agreed to try things out as a couple. I got a little giddy when my sire told me what it represents, but I didn’t want to—Not believe in it! But I wanted to just make sure I liked how things were between us before saying anything.”

“Me too,” Jetfire said. “I didn’t want to ask about it in case it didn’t bloom. But then I got a little worried someone might tell you what it meant….”

“Don’t pretend,” Thundercracker said, pointing at her. “I already know my sire spilled the news before I came down! I have good hearing you know.”

“You caught me…”

“Worth it…”

“The milkshake, it’s strawberry right?” Jetfire said, laughing. She scoots closer and leans forward to wrap a servo around the base of the cup, watching as Thundercracker copies her.

“Mhm and two straws. One each,” Thundercracker said, smirking. Her other servo circle around the straw in front of her and she takes a sip from it, but her attention is distracted by the sweet like look of love that threatens to rupture from Jetfire’s optics.

It feels like a piece of cake—being with her, hanging out with her, loving her. So wonderfully effortless, she doesn’t even mind that her carrier, sire, and sisters' are watching how she's doing on her date right now. Maybe she’s even glad that they’re here to witness and approve of her happiness. How many milkshakes she wants to share with this person. Like the ice cream she can see her family share in a distant booth—as if closed off from the world and living in their own little paradise. 

Notes:

SW's personal lecture/convo with Tc didn't make the final cut because it happens when SS and JF speak.

The summary of what happened though is that: SW was giving TC a strong run down of safe interfacing practices...and TC was embarrassed. She didn't know how to tell SW, she already knews all of what he said...so she nodded like a good kid and said yes mama lol
-

Give her the world
In return I give my blessings
Why are you surprised

Chapter 26: Creation

“Ravage wants to come with me too?” Soundwave said. In his servo was an empty basket made out a few simple materials, it was light, but deep enough to hold a lot of things.

“Yes,” Ravage said. She trotted after Soundwave, following him through the field of tall flowers, leaping up to his shoulders to look at it with him. “You’re getting ready for the Migration, right?”

The Great Migration was coming up, barely a cyber-week from now, yet Soundwave hadn’t found the time to gather the flowers he needed to create a flight crown for his family—and Starscream. Although, the majority of his knowledge had come from Starscream, either from their previous conversations or his memories, Soundwave had gone through the trouble of asking Optimus if he knew anything about it and was given some books to look over as a result.

“Yes,” Soundwave replied. He reached his servo over to pet her while she purred against his mask. “Does Ravage wish to help me find flowers?”

“Yeah,” she said. “How could I miss your first Great Migration. Your carrier used to mention it to me all the time. She was from Vos.”

“Carrier was?” Soundwave asks, borderline puzzled. “She never mentioned it.”

“She probably thought it wasn’t important, Soundwave. Kaon was your home after all, telling you of Vos would’ve only confused you back then.”

“Maybe,” Soundwave said. He stopped and looked up at the sky, watching the clouds that rolled past him and the young birds as they sprung off from their nests. He watched as they took a steep leap of faith from the branches to the ground to search for worms to eat, or wait for their parents to feed them.

He didn’t remember his carrier ever mentioning where she came from, let alone who she was before arriving in the pits, the most she ever said to him when he was still an egg was that she was from another part of Cybertron and wasn’t allowed back in—a fugitive. In fact, the most Soundwave did remember of his carrier was how she had said Ravage and Laserbeak were a gift from his sire to her, and the letters she had pre-written for him to read for each hatch day of his, if they were even real. He doubted she had the time or ability to, not when she had been captured and held in a dungeon for so long.

He also remembers was how tall she was when he first hatched and saw her for the first time—he could barely fit in the palm of her servo, there was even room for him to recharge and stretch around. And when he got older, he was barely tall enough to reach her thighs. Always he would notice how large she was compared to him, or Megatron whenever they spoke or sparred. Even when he was fully grown and saw his carrier for the last time, she was still so much larger than him.

The version of her he remembers was also quite different from how others spoke of her—recalled her. Megatron would say she was brash, stubborn, always willing to toss someone smaller or bigger than her to the ground if it meant she would make it in time to see him. Ravage and Laserbeak would say she loved taking to the sky and always had desire to sing her intake out. She loved listening to and making music, she loved being free with her servos to the sky, feeling vibrations. But most of all she loved him to her very spark.

“Do you know what she did in Vos then?” Soundwave said to Ravage. They’re walking again now, but down a steep hill, the cyber-feline is still on his shoulder, tail flicking wildly. “Before she was exiled from Vos?”

“According to her, she used to be a body guard of sorts for someone high up there, but was framed for their murder by an outsider to the political climate of Vos. The exact details are muddy because she never told me or Laserbeak much,” Ravage admits. “I met her long after she went on the run. I’m sorry, I wish I knew more, but she didn’t like to discuss her past. She preferred to live in the present.”

“It’s enough to know about her from you,” Soundwave said, comforting Ravage. They continue walking through the field of flowers, the lull of birds—fill the air. “She never liked saying what she did before having me in the pits…she never liked talking about herself much either. But then again, I didn’t get to ask her much.”

Sometimes he wonders if that was on purpose, if there was a reason why his carrier’s past was so hidden from him when he was still barely able to walk and follow her. Watch her matches while Ravage and Laserbeak guarded and hid him from anyone his carrier didn't trust to know of his existence to keep him safe—and ensure no one would snatch him away to be used as bait. Not even Megatron felt he knew the true depth of who his carrier was as a person.

She was a true mystery to all—someone who showed up one day, declared she would be liberated, and backed it by destroying whoever challenged her. And nothing more felt like the bells of liberation—for that’s who she was. But to Soundwave, she was someone ripped away from him too soon. Gone before he would witness everything, ask, and learn.

“I heard you visited her recently, Soundwave?” Ravage asked. 

“Yes,” he said.

“How was it?”

“Soundwave went with his sparklings and Starscream to visit his carrier and pay respects. It was good.”

“I know you’ve heard this enough by now and are probably sick of it, but she really did love you, Soundwave. You visiting with your family and future sparkmate must have made her happy. Happy to see you’re doing so well.”

“Soundwave knows. But I…”

“But?” Ravage said. “Go on, you can ask me anything.”

“I still don’t understand how Laserbeak knew where my carrier was before she was found by me. Just that he took it upon himself to find her and told Megatron where to attack.”

“You’d have to ask him how,” Ravage said, quietly. “It’s… not my place to tell you. I’m sorry.”

“I’ve thought about asking him, but Laserbeak likes to go missing these days. He keeps to himself now that everyone has their own thing to do, or people to care for. Not even Buzzsaw knows where he flies to.”

“I figured you’d say that,” Ravage answered. She leaped into the tall path of flowers, tail sticking up through it. The only indicator Soundwave had to follow her. “Actually, I didn’t just come here to help you for the Migration. I came to find him too. Granted for something else, but it’s all the same. He should be up here.”

“Lead the way,” Soundwave said. He followed after Ravage, trudging up the meadowy cliff.

Up there he could see Laserbeak sleeping on a branch, his wings folded inward. He’s older now and prefers to recharge most days under the sun when the weather is warmer in Vos. He must like this place often. But it’d also make a nice spot for a picnic, Soundwave thought. Maybe he’d take his family here in the future once the twins hatched. He could already imagine how cute it’d be.

Gently, Ravage circles Laserbeak and begins to paw at him until he begins to stir and his optics flicker on and he squawks at her. “Dinner?” Laserbeak said, groggy. “Wait, it’s still afternoon… let me go back to recharge, stupid cat.”

“As if! I didn’t survive this long by your side to be talked to like that you stupid bird,” Ravage retorted and she slapped Laserbeak’s head with a swift paw, batting him with it until he flapped his wings and tried to peck her frame. “Stupid bird,” she said once the dust had settled between them.

“Stupid cat,” Laserbeak retorted, ruffling his wings. “Always fighting before answering me! Do you know how many feathers I’ve lost because of you?”

“You don’t even have feathers,” Ravage said, hissing. “All those nuts and bolt seeds have gotten to you!”

“No.”

“Yes!”

Soundwave chuckled. This scene wasn’t too far from anything he had grown up seeing. Ravage and Laserbeak always had an interesting dynamic, they weren’t siblings, but they were life-long friends of sorts—bonded through their shared experiences and love for his carrier. They would bicker and wrestle, but then they would settle down and greet the other like nothing had happened.

Like now.

Ravage pressed her muzzle into the side of Laserbeak’s beak, purring she told him of what Soundwave had asked her. “He wants to know about his carrier,” she said. “Go on, tell him.”

Laserbeak stretched his neck out at Soundwave and stared at him. “Your carrier…she knew what was going to happen once she was sold off, so she asked me to follow her a little just to know where she would be locked up then leave,” Laserbeak explained. He soon took flight and landed on Soundwave’s shoulder, and stared off into the distance as if thinking about something before shaking his head. “But I ended up coming back despite her wishes, I couldn’t bring myself to leave her, so we came up with a compromise instead, Soundwave.”

“Compromise?” Soundwave said. “Like what?”

“Do you remember when Megatron said we couldn’t play anymore because I had an important mission to do?”

“Yes,” Soundwave said. He scratched his helm as if to recall those days, he did remember. When Megatron first told him, he couldn’t play with his bird friend Laserbeak anymore like he used to. He was sad. However, he never knew the extent of what that had meant back then, or found it in him to ask because it seemed Laserbeak would come back to see him often, bringing back something nice.

“Your carrier and I made an agreement after I followed and assessed her current situation at the time. She was isolated from the world and fed meals from underneath a door if ever. Eventually we came to an agreement about my visits. The agreement was that she got to still watch over you, but through me, through my optics. I would help her see how you were doing through videos or live feeds, whatever I could scrap back then for her to look at.”

“Monitoring?” Soundwave said. “When was this. No, how long ago was this?”

“About after she was sold and put in that place you found and took her out of before she passed away. She would never say it out loud to me when I had first started to visit her, but she liked seeing how you were doing in her absence through my optics. She liked knowing if you were okay, or if anyone was bullying you, and then she’d get mad at Megatron for not protecting you enough.”

Soundwave stared at Laserbeak. He could only blink, trying to imagine his carrier watching him through Laserbeak. Her servos raised and her faceplate twisted in all sorts of different reactions to seeing how he was being treated and her lack of agency to rush in to save him. When he thought of it happening to him and his own sparkings, or his cassettes. Soundwave knew without a doubt, he would have wanted to kill someone, anyone who got in his way.

“Did she ever yell at Laserbeak for showing up so much?” Soundwave asked, curious. He pursed his lips, drawing them into a tight line. Really, what was he supposed to do with his information other than to ask for more.

“The most she would say about me coming around is that I was wasting my energon, or ask if you were eating enough,” Laserbeak answered.

“She must’ve also known Soundwave liked to escape behind Megatron and Ravage's back sometimes then. At least by the time he had gotten old enough to, didn’t she,” Soundwave said, pointedly. It seemed he was onto something when he saw Laserbeak freeze and nearly topple over and Ravage flick her tail to the side. “Was that why Laserbeak would show up some times whenever he was out and doing something dangerous? Show up with Ravage too?”

“Yes,” Laserbeak said, almost rapidly bobbing his head and wings. “Your carrier wanted to make sure you were safe even if she couldn’t be there physically to protect you. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe you could handle yourself either. She was always proud of you for making the best of your situation for never letting your spark die…even after learning the truth of her situation from Megatron.”

“So, she really…” Soundwave murmured. “Then all those gifts Laserbeak said were from his travel to the outside were also from her too? The hatch day letters claimed to be written by her were actually written by her?”

“Yes. I’m sorry for never telling you,” Laserbeak said, abashedly. “But this old bird, never knew how to tell you it was really your carrier who saw having a bad day and sent him over to make you feel better! Or that she still wanted to celebrate your hatch days still even if from afar and she was imprisoned. Forced to never see the outside world again! In fact, your carrier said, if you ever found out she’d turned me into a grilled bird and feed me to Ravage! She even demanded that I wasn’t allowed to let anyone know where she was.”

“What changed then?” Soundwave said, feeling angry. He felt like punching something, both of his finials hiked upward. “Tell me, or I’ll grill you instead, Laserbeak!”

Laserbeak shifted to the side and stared at Ravage, indicating for her to speak. “Don’t leave me to dry here,” he grumbled. “You’re not innocent either, stupid cat!”

“Do you remember how the plan to overthrow Kaon went ahead of schedule?” Ravage said. She glanced over the the shaking Laserbeak. "It was supposed to be a tighter staged formation, but then it ended up falling apart in the end."

“Yes,” Soundwave said. He nodded. They ended up moving ahead of schedule, it came out of nowhere, but Megatron had said it was because Laserbeak had finally managed to locate his carrier’s location—but now he knew that was not the truth. So, why did they really attack early?

“The reason was because your carrier learned that the same person who had purchased and tortured her had planned on purchasing you as well. She was upset about this because she had done her best to no one would ever discover your telepathy in the end, or reveal it, and if they did you were strong enough to make them doubt things. But then Laserbeak's intel, indicated that someone claimed to have proof of you being a telepath,” Ravage said. She looked at Soundwave. "We still don't know how they did it, but they claimed it wasn't a lie when interrogated then later killed by Megatron."

“Someone—someone knew?” Soundwave said, flabbergasted. His carrier had always drilled into him that his abilities were never to be known to anyone beside a few trusted few: Megatron, Ravage, and Laserbeak. At the time, he was still young and hadn't understood why, but as he grew older he did and he had always tried to his best to never reveal, or give suspicion when fighting in the pits.

Slowly Ravage bent her head forward as if to atone for her mistakes. “It was enough the elites back then knew you were your carrier’s sparkling. It was impossible to hide with how protective she was over you, and how alike you two looked, but when they learned that they could actually sell you for a higher price like they had with her, or that they could’ve used you for their own gain, they were going to, Soundwave.”

“And that’s why Megatron pulled Soundwave to the side and said we would launch an attack at night…” Soundwave said. “Was that why carrier was…the way she was when found?”

“I believe so. She was never struck or beaten much before that. If they did it was because they wanted your carrier to admit to a crime she didn't commit, but was framed for. However when they learned of you, her sparkling. They tried to make her admit to that as well and she refused to give them anything. They would grow frustrated with her because of that. She never spoke, she only stared at them because she knew that was the fasted way to make them give up. But when news of what was going on in Kaon happened and news of your telepathy being confirmed, her torture increased, it dialed it up. They said it could only end if she admitted to having a sparkling with telepathy, but she refused and spat in their faceplates,” Laserbeak said, shaking his head. “I tried to offer her something once we were alone and they had fled. Something to quickly ease her suffering, but she refused. All she wanted to know is if you were coming to see her and when she heard you were, she wanted to survive long enough to see you one last time in person, not on a screen.”

Soundwave let out a hollow sob as he fell to the floor on his knees. Laserbeak and Ravage pushing their way into his arms and into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry,” Laserbeak said, rubbing his beak against Soundwave’s mask. “I’m sorry… she made Ravage and I promise to hide all of this from you until our deaths because she feared you would hate her for even lying in the first place, but I can’t do it anymore. You deserve to also know her efforts to protect you and remember her for it even if that means you hate her.”

“It’s okay,” Soundwave said. “I understand why... Soundwave understands why his carrier did what she did in the end. He could never hate her, but he still doesn't understand why no one told him the truth. The entire truth for so long, Ravage and Laserbeak. Why did he have to be told once he was fully grown? Why did no one tell me the real reason she was leaving?”

Ravage nuzzled Soundwave. "I didn't approve, but your carrier insisted on it. She didn't want to imagine the type of hurt it would cause you to know what was going to happen to her. You were barely able to understand the pits before she left, Soundwave. She was always petrified you were going to get yourself killed, or worse expose your telepathy and hurt yourself. Especially with how they paraded and branded her as the 'despicable criminal' she was in Vos. You were at such a young and influential age, she wanted us to keep whatever innocence you had left in tact before the pits ripped it from you... There was also the concern that if you knew the truth about her situation too soon then you'd draw too much attention to yourself on accident in an attempt to follow her. You could barely control your abilities back then, let alone acknowledge its existence. That's why she forced us to keep her location a secret from you until the very end, or she had planned to. Again, I'm so sorry. We truly are...we just wanted you to have a good sparkhood."

"I miss her," Soundwave said, frantically. His grip tightens around Ravage and Laserbeak. His memory banks pinging for him to recall his carrier's faceplate, but he can barely remember how she looked. "I miss her. I miss her. I miss my carrier."

It’s all he could manage in that moment—after hearing of his carrier’s affection for him, her actions, and love for him. He always knew his carrier was proud of him because of how she touched and kissed him in her final moments. The last embrace he would ever feel from her, warmer than anyone he knew. Her touch. But the thought of his carrier knowing how he grew up and was doing daily even after they were forced to part—even if from afar and through Laserbeak’s help—it made his optics start to blur and his visor grow foggy.

Suddenly, those days where he thought they would be the worst made more sense. Whenever he had a rough match, he would go to recharge feeling useless but then he would wake up to Laserbeak with something in his beak—a present. Maybe a sweet from the outside world, he would claim to have stolen while out. And whenever it was his hatch day, there would be an old pre-written letter for him to read and his favorite sweets—each letter always dedicated to his exact age. Something his carrier had claimed in those letters to have wrote before she left and told Laserbeak to hand over when the time came every cycle. Something he had always thought had to be a lie to make him feel better once he knew she wasn't happy or free, she was a caged prisoner, now revealed to have only been a half truth. Soundwave broke into another wordless sob, his carrier's writing, her words, her little crude doodles every cycle. Her wish for him to have a good day, to have everything he ever wanted come true eventually, and to never stop believing in freedom. Better days than the ones he would have while in the pits without her by his side to hold his servo.

When he had to bury her, he refused to speak to anyone, he refused to look at Megatron, who tried to coax him into letting go of his carrier’s cold frame back then. Every time Soundwave back to that moment, he thinks of how Megatron silently reacted to seeing his angered faceplate, the silence they shared before anyone dared to speak. He still remembers speaking first, he called Megatron a liar. He mentioned the promise Megatron had made to him about saving his carrier as it rang through in his mind. He glared the person he considered a mentor to him, maybe even a sire.

Yet despite his harsh words, Megatron said nothing and sat there with him. He never said a word—and accepted every insult that came his way, holding him as he cried into his chassis for his carrier to come back. Megatron accepted every scornful shoulder slam, vow of silence, and justified tantrum tossed his way. Soundwave couldn't bring himself to speak once he had spent all his energy. His voice had gone hoarse. In the end could only carry his carrier far from the chaos and destruction that had been caused by his own servos and blasters while Ravage helped to take her somewhere safe to be buried. All he wanted was for her to finally have a comfortable and silent place to rest for the rest of her days.

Lost in the heat of his memories, Soundwave can feel his spark and mind pulled back to reality when Ravage licks his digits, her rough glossa trying to ground him. And when he does, he sees her staring at him with concern in her optics.

Laserbeak squawks. "Come back to us," he begs.

“Everything is okay. I’m okay,” he says eventually, trying to stop his hiccups as they tumble out and from under his lips. Steadily, he brings himself to his pedes and stares out at the field before them, the sun was still up, but setting soon the sunshine is no longer as ablaze when he had first arrived to meet Laserbeak with Ravage, and removes his mask to wipe his tears. “I’m okay, I—I was just thinking about something from long ago, that’s all. Let’s go and find some flowers for the Great Migration. Something sweet-scented, would be nice.”

“Soundwave,” Laserbeak said, suddenly. “There’s something else I need to tell you.”

“Huh?”

“Ravage and I…we’re technically cassettes that belonged to your sire. I know your carrier told you that we were gifts from him, but that's far from the truth. We actually went with her after your sire died protecting her.”

“Died?” Soundwave said, perplexed. This was the first he had heard of his alleged sire. The most his carrier had ever said about his sire's personality when he got old enough to ask was that he was loud, dumb, but lovable. Yet it was because of him, she got to explore so much of Kaon and fall in love with it, have him eventually. “When did he die?”

“He died before your carrier entered the pits,” Ravage replied, mournfully. “Do you remember how I said she was on the run? Well she was always being hunted by bounty hunters from all over the galaxy for a high reward, and your sire…he was around for all of that. He acted as bait to ensure her survival towards the end of it. He gave us the order to stay with her in his stead, ensure her safety till the end. We realized he died the moment our bond with him went out and your carrier went silent for the day.”

Soundwave stared at his two animal companions. He never thought much of them when his carrier introduced them to him. She had said they would be his friends, his companions for the rest of his life, and would always act as his optics and audials. “So that’s another person, I have yet to know. Great.”

Laserbeak squawked. “Well, in fairness. He was a bit of a pain to know. I think your carrier could’ve done better honestly in terms of who to fall in love with…and I was created to know and bond with the guy. He was so rough. No care for us cassettes!”

Ravage slapped him. “Ignore him, Soundwave. Your sire was an eccentric person. He was born in Kaon, but liked explore all of Cybertron. It was by pure chance he met her. Well, she fell on him.”

“Fell on him?” Soundwave said. He held his chin. Didn’t he fall on Starscream once? Thundercracker fell into Jetfire's arms too. Maybe it was in his coding or data branch. He should warn his egg babies then if so of this happening in their future. “Was it love at first sight?”

“Oh, his part? Yes,” Ravage said. “Your carrier? Primus, no. She shoved him into a ditch and left him for dead until he climbed his way back out and tried to romance her.”

“What was his alt-mode?”

“Some old music player,” Laserbeak interjected. “I think you got some of it from him. That’s why you can host and hold bonds with us cassettes with that deck of yours, the way you do. It came from your sire Unit.”

“Unit?” Soundwave repeated. He tried to repeat it a few times, his glossa feeling rubbery every time he did. So that’s what his sire’s name was. “What was my carrier called then?”

“Cascade,” Ravage said, lovingly. She put a paw to her chest as if reminiscing about something. “Like the energon waves that used to exist on the outer surface of Cybertron before they dried up. Laserbeak only liked her because she could fly. I liked her because she had a way about her.”

“Hey, she did cool tricks in the air and taught me some too!” Laserbeak exclaimed. “And she bribed you with treats, so Unit didn’t see her sneaking out with his stash.”

“Why are you bothering to complain now?” Ravage said, glaring. “You let her do it too in return for wing scratches.”

“She’s persuasive.”

“Indeed, she was…”

“Do you have any other stories about her?” Soundwave asked them. He really wanted to hear more about his creators right now, his objective to make flight crowns, pushed to another day. He had time. “About their adventures?”

“Yes, yes,” Laserbeak squawked on. “This old bird has got plenty of old and embarrassing stories and holograms still of your sire from his younger days, and some about your carrier when she was still around. Even her days before the pits!”

“I have a few stories of my own to share too,” Ravage added. “He’s not the only one with good memory.”

Notes:

Once again you fill up the spaces of my soul that were once boarded and closed off by me
You break in and pull the nails off then complain there is dust all around
With you I feel the most complete but also the most loss
My hand held in yours again
It feels nice
Your eyes staring at me like I’m still small
But something is missing

Mother
Forgive me I ask
Look at me again please
There are a million things I want to ask you
But I still don’t know how to
Ask for your hand to never leave mine again

Chapter 27: Cuckoo

“One, two, three,” Soundwave said to Ravage as she slept by his pedes. She’s sleeping around his and Starscream’s egg while he works. Laserbeak is somewhere else right now, but said he would come again later. As Soundwave stares down at the piles of peonies in his servos, counting as they start to overlap over one another to form a circle. A smile starts to form across his faceplate as it takes shape in front of him—it all matches Starscream’s colors so well. “This should be enough,” he said, proudly.

“Soundwave,” Megatron said. Slowly, he starts to crouch onto the ground and sit next to Soundwave who looks over at him in surprise. His optics blink at him furiously and his shoulder canon begins to power up out of habit.

“Megatron,” Soundwave says angrily. His shoulder canon starts to light up and he growls.

“My apologies. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Megatron said. He frowns a little, but tries to increase the distance between him and Soundwave by scooting.

“Why are you here then,” Soundwave said.

“I wanted to congratulate you on completing your Kaonite courtship with Starscream.”

“Megatron knows?” Soundwave says. He grips his servos into the ground, tearing into it with his digits. “When did he find out…?”

Megatron puts his servos up in the air in show of sportsmanship. He dips his head towards Soundwave until he can sense the other reach to pet Ravage, ignoring him. Gently, Megatron lifts his head up to see Soundwave’s faceplate is still staring at him, he watches as it begins soften at him and his shoulders drop to his sides in response. With a sigh of relief Megatron lets out a soft chuckle. He is glad his former pupil still has a soft spot in his spark for his old mentor—soft enough to let him take a seat by him again like the older days. Ravage barely lifts her head to look at him as well. If anything, she snorts to acknowledge him as well.

“Forgive me, Soundwave,” Megatron says, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully. “I got a little excited to hear the good news from Optimus. Even if your courtship to Starscream was moons ago, I’m happy for you to have completed your courtship, really. I assume…you will also be participating in the Great Migration then too in Vos? For Starscream?”

Soundwave nods, returning his attention to the flight crown he had been making earlier before Megatron arrived. He had been following how Starscream’s carrier had made her flight crown for Starscream when he first saw her—the stems had to be interwoven and the flowers almost fluffed out so they looked the best. The colors of the flower and the flowers itself had meaning—mixing and matching was allowed, but sometimes simpler was best for lovers.

“Soundwave is happy to participate in it. His family is growing and will continue to grow from now on. He even did a spark merge with Starscream. The both of us have shared memories with each other.”

“I presume then you have…” Megatron exhaled. “You have seen everything then.”

Soundwave looked up from his lap, but instead of looking at Megatron. He looks over to where Starscream and Thundercracker are right now—standing on a nearby hill—where Skywarp, Nova Storm, and Frenzy are with them. They’re all laughing about something. He casually reached for a different flower—a blue one—weaving it into a shape and then stared back at Megatron.

“Yes,” he said. “And sometimes Soundwave doesn’t understand why Starscream insists on speaking to Megatron occasionally. Soundwave would not bother if he was him…even with the close familiar relationship he and Megatron have had before the war. He wouldn’t be able to do half of what Starscream has done and said since then…”

Even though he understood that it was not his battle to fight or his self-imposed enemy to forgive, it made it difficult for Soundwave to not feel upset at himself in some way for not noticing what had been happening behind the scenes.

Megatron sighed and stared at Ravage. Her judgmental gaze lingering in the corner of his optics field. Even she didn’t want to acknowledge him. “I don’t expect forgiveness,” he said. “But I do wish you the best, Soundwave…and I understand if speaking to me is hard. That it will always be hard.”

Soundwave barely hesitated. “Hard is an understatement.” He took a tiny blue flower this time, folding it into the bundle of stems that had begun to accumulate in his servos. “That’s why Soundwave has refused to speak to Megatron directly up until now. Do not think for a moment he is not still upset at Megatron for the past. Soundwave is still unsure how to speak to Megatron after learning the truth of his carrier from Laserbeak and Ravage. Why did no one tell him until it was too late? He knows their reasoning, but what of Megatron? What is his excuse for everything.”

“I thought it was for the best at the time,” Megatron whispered. “I was so powerless when they took your carrier, so I thought…I thought if I were able to shield you from everything then maybe you’d have a happier sparkhood. Because that’s what I promised her.”

“Megatron promised her? Promised her what to keep him blind?”

“Your carrier, I’m sure Laserbeak and Ravage have already told you, but she knew of how soft your spark was. She knew of how you liked to care for those weaker than you when you thought no one was looking. She…” Megatron murmured. “She knew you couldn’t hurt even a single cursor, so how would you react to knowing where she was being taken and tortured in secret? She knew you would’ve given yourself up in a sparkbeat to follow after her.”

Soundwave blew on at the flowers in his servos, unsure of what to say, watching as the petals scattered in front of him—and were picked up by the passing breeze. There would always still be a part of him that felt betrayed to have never known the full truth of his or his carrier’s situation back then despite learning of it all now. Perhaps it was because the most he would ever be told before of his carrier’s situation was that, he was too young to understand, or it was to protect him. Those secrets were buried and held by those close to him, the ones who were left to raise him, even the one who was supposed to have left, yet was always still nearby—unable to be with him.

He can already imagine how he would’ve reacted if the truth had come out sooner and now when he reached his last upgrade—maybe he would’ve been like his carrier—and left to bleed until he ran out of energon in his frame. Or maybe he would’ve been able to save her sooner and they would both be on the run, living somewhere far from it all. His spark longed to believe that type of happy ending was possible for his carrier, but then he remembers what it took for him to become someone who was feared in Kaon and admired for his strength, how long it took him to achieve even a sliver of it—he could’ve never saved his carrier in time.

He was so small and hungry at the time, but alive. Invisible to the suffering those around him endured to protect him, but in the same way were they invisible to his desire to no longer be led away from it all. Soundwave missed the smell of his carrier, how her servos felt against his cheeks when he first met her, her bright smile and laugh.

As Megatron looked at Soundwave, he started to think of what had happened to Soundwave since arriving to Earth before his courtship to Starscream and the existence of his sparkling was known. This was the first time they had ever been able to hold a genuine conversation, Soundwave for the most part refused to speak to him, he would make another party like Frenzy, Thundercracker, Optimus, or Starscream speak in his place. Speak for him because he refused to waste his intake. Megatron didn’t think it was too strange to hear that, or receive such cold actions, it was only natural for old pupil to be so upset at him.

“I—I understand why Megatron and others did what they did but,” Soundwave said. He licked his lips out of habit and paused. It still felt awkward to speak using the terms “I” when referring to himself but after speaking to more than Rung a few times and about his past and the war. He was given some homework to work on in his free time. He was instructed to try using “I” again even if only once a day—something to return the sense of self he had taken from himself after losing Rumble as punishment. “I also feel upset about what I have done in the past as well.”

“You are?” Megatron asked. He watched on as Soundwave started to make another flight crown, a much tinier one this time. It sounded like there was more and Megatron started to feel confused.

“Yes. I’m upset with myself for not pushing Starscream further when he would grow quiet some days, or return more beaten up than usual from a solo mission,” Soundwave admitted. “I’m also upset that I allowed him to chase me off…when I should’ve ignored his complaints and forced him to let me care for his wounds.”

“You couldn’t have known,” Megatron said, remembering back to how he would leave Starscream and tell him it was a lost cause to seek help or tell anyone what had gone on between them. “It would have been useless. I treated Starscream and the rest like was how it went when someone needed to be punished back in the pits. I punished everyone the same…” He seemed to struggle with his words.

Soundwave looked at him, however, as if waiting to see if there was genuine reflection in his words. “Megatron left Starscream alone on multiple occasions. He has beaten and drained Starscream of all his energon some days,” Soundwave said, angrily.

“I know,” Megatron said, calmly. “But in my defense, there were days he deserved to be put in his place, Soundwave. I had to—"

“Megatron has berated Starscream for failures that weren’t his fault or couldn’t have been…” Soundwave said, his finials shooting up. “He has intimidated Starscream into feeling he wasn’t good enough for Soundwave to even consider as a permanent partner because of his treachery. He made Starscream feel small, scared, even terrified of his own reflection and how others perceive him in the end!”

“It was never my intention, Soundwave. I thought. I thought I was doing what was necessary to reign his persistent nature in,” Megatron said, hesitantly. “Like I told Starscream, I was blinded by my own rage and ambitions!”

Soundwave stared at him. “Perhaps you have. But I—I have only felt an ounce of what that means to him through our conversations and shared memories. I know how it looked from his perspective!”

Megatron winced. He could only imagine how what kind of reaction that must have provoked from Soundwave, even his own fists clenched at the thought of what he used to do with Starscream. Their issues with each other. “Since you have already seen and felt his pain,” he murmured. “What do you think of me now? I imagine it’s nothing good, Soundwave. I was a monster back then.”

“I don’t know,” Soundwave said, swallowing the lump in his throat. He stopped when Ravage moved to nuzzle his servo, her optics grounding him back to reality as he pets her ears. His egg rolls to his side, the sound of the shell clanging against him. “But I do know something. I know Starscream and Megatron have never truly gotten along and Starscream is not perfect, but I love him.”

“Do you,” Megatron murmured out of surprise. He blinked slowly at Soundwave, the ferocity of his optics as they burned into his very spark.

“Yes, I love him enough to see how his pain has caused him to act the way he does, and the reason he has done so many things for the Decepticons. Things that have caused Megatron to distrust him, but also keep him close because he has use to him,” Soundwave said.

“Yes,” Megatron acknowledged. He dropped to the ground, angling himself until he had gotten on one knee in front of Soundwave, a servo to his chassis. “There were days I doubted if he genuinely wanted to offer plans to me because they were worth following, or if they were a ploy to take over. Starscream has always had a sharp mind and the skills to back it, so I let him stay as my second in command. I needed him to an extent, but I also needed to ensure I could keep an optic on him in case he got too much power.”

Soundwave licked his lips and stared at Ravage and his egg before returning Megatron’s undemanding gaze. He almost looked like a shell of his former self. His shoulders lowered, and his helm bowed forward at him. Any lower and he would have been groveling in front of him.

“I also,” Soundwave whispered. His throat growing tight. Did he truly want to admit this out loud? He could barely do it whenever Rung asked him to speak on his feelings about the war and its turning point. But this was something that had been eating at him ever since he had been betrayed. “I acknowledge that you have also made me—Soundwave feel worthless during the war, maybe even long before that. You made me feel lied to about so many things! You made me feel as if I wasn’t enough to know or understand anything. Especially when you left to join the Autobots, but Starscream denied I had anything to do with it.”

“Did he?” Megatron said, quietly. He was surprised to learn of this. It would’ve made more sense for Starscream to defame him back then and turn the tides in his favor, especially with an opportunity like that. “I’m surprised.”

Soundwave nodded. “Starscream may have cursed your name and called you all sorts of things, but he did it to try and cheer me up. He refused to leave my side as well. He made sure I ate when I couldn’t. He was by my side even before all of that. He was there with me when I grieved Rumble when you were busy plotting.”

Megatron was quiet for a moment, taking in the look of sorrow on Soundwave’s faceplate. His optics warm like the color of an amber filled sunset and the corner of his lips downturned. He looked just like his carrier. They looked so alike. With a deep sigh Megatron moved from kneeling on one knee in front of Soundwave to having both. He presses his forehead in front of his old pupil, Ravage and, the egg.

He bowed deep and low on the ground for Soundwave.

“I’m sorry, Soundwave. I really am. Every day I regret what I have done to you and Starscream. Whenever I see even a glimpse of you two. When I see how happy you both are. I realize that’s how it should’ve been all along, but it wasn’t in the end,” Megatron said, optics on the floor. Soundwave shifts a little, but he hasn’t moved. Megatron considers that a reason to continue speaking. “The hurt and fear I have inflicted and seared into Starscream. I still remember everything, I have ever done, or ever said.”

“And what about the hurt and fear you have done to me,” Soundwave said. His vision grows blurry and his spark tightens. It’d be so easy for him to push a sonic boom towards Megatron, dent his presented helm, and forced him to feel pain, the same pain Starscream has felt, but his servo shakes. He can’t bring himself to strike the mech he used to adore and look up to as a sparkling, as a Decepticon. “What about everything you said happened to my carrier when I was younger? That she was free and would come back. What about me, what of the argument we had when I learned she was trapped and held a prisoner by someone of status? Their secret plaything? Do you remember any of it?” he croaked.

“There is not a flicker of my spark that does not move or tear because of what my actions have caused to you, to make you feel lesser than you are,” Megatron said, trying to hold back his tears. He grips the dirt underneath him, it digs into his digits, and his shoulders shake. “Everything that I believed was meant to protect you has instead hurt you. I did more harm than good not just to you or Starscream…it was to everyone, I let down our planet, our people which is why I do not expect forgiveness. I do not expect to forget either.”

Soundwave sucked in a deep intake and looked at Ravage. Her paws press against his cheeks, glossa licking the corner of his optics. Her tender purring up against him. She says nothing, but Soundwave can feel what she’s asking him to do and he nods. He nods out of acceptance for the life he wishes to lead now.

“I can forgive you, but only because I saw how you apologized to Starscream in his memories and the meaning it had to him. And for the apology I’ve heard today,” Soundwave said. “But that doesn’t mean I forgive you for lying to me all these years about my carrier, The real truth behind her story. Not when I was only fed half-truths and glimpses of it for so long.” He reached his servo forward and dropped a flight crown in front of Megatron. He pointed at it with one digit. “Starscream said these can be given to family. It’s strange I know, but I still consider you apart of my family. At least once I did, Megatron.”

Megatron got up, in his servo was a blue flight crown made out of hyacinths and hydrangeas—sincerity and forgiveness. Soundwave nodded and picked up another flight crown—one of the smaller ones—then put it on Ravage. She lifted her head and nuzzled his servo as he helped her wear it. Simple white and green lily of the valley filled the air with its fragrance—joy and love. And she continued to look up at Soundwave in peace as he reached to hold his egg, crowning the top of its shell with a much smaller flight crown made out of—daises and buttercups—new beginnings.

“Thank you,” Megatron said, his thumbs brush against the petals of his flight crown, admiring it.

It isn’t his first time being given one.

He can still hear the words he had been told when presented with it back then in the pits. It echoes and fills in his power banks, the thrum of that person’s voice and laughter as she spoke: “Where I’m from you can give these without loving someone, but you can’t make them without the thought of loving someone! You, should be grateful I even found the time to make it for you, Megatron. It’s not every day someone gets one from me. Let alone in a dingy place like this. I need to make one for my fledging too, so stop gawking and take it!”

Soundwave stared at him, but this time with his mask on, hiding his faceplate. But as he leaves, there is an old but recent recording of Starscream that begins to play for Megatron to hear the words, “Family doesn’t need to say thank you.”

Megatron grew very still. It was as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulder and the world around him felt steadier. He could see the back of Soundwave’s helm as he approaches Starscream and Thundercracker, Ravage following after him. He had the impression that he could join them and say hello. But stops himself, weighing the flight crown in his servos and looks at it. Shakily he puts the flight crown Soundwave have him on his helmet and laughed, tears dripping down his faceplate as he rubs them away.

“He is just like his carrier. The spitting image of her,” Megatron said, trying to keep his voice as calm and reasonable as it should’ve been, but he struggles to, overcome by the coolant that starts to drip down his cheeks. “It’s almost scary how similar he is to you, Cascade.”

Notes:

I hope you like peonies
If not I’ll do better next year
Just give me the word and the moon will be yours
The stars too

Chapter 28: Pace Yourself

Notes:

(ES soundstar art at the ending notes)

“Soundwave must be happy,” Starscream said. His optics begun to crinkle out of joy as he climbs into his nest and rests next to his family. Soundwave is practically glowing. His finials were to the sky and wriggling—as Thundercracker and their egg sleep right up against his tape deck. Soundwave holds onto and nuzzles them with his nose, kissing them occasionally He holds them as if scared they’ll vanish the moment he lets go. But even if they each had the chance to leave, they don’t wish to, or make a move to.

The nest feels packed tonight, but Soundwave could care less. Perhaps feeling more at ease or confident in their actions, Thundercracker and his egg continue to lay in his arms. They’d fallen asleep for what felt like vorns while Starscream went to go and fetch some more things. Soundwave had accidentally made their nest too small when he was re arranging it earlier for them. He was anticipating a full nest, but had forgotten how to navigate the creation of one until he heard Starscream joke he had the building skills of a domestic pigeon and be realized what that implied.

“Affirmative,” Soundwave said, quietly. “He—I’m the happiest right now.”

The worries and doubts in his mind had long been quieted, he surrendered to the beat in his spark that turned for his growing family. He never thought he would have a sparkling of his own to watch over and care for in a place of safety and constant warmth, let alone two. Now he can only smile and wish they don’t grow up any sooner.

“Frenzy said she’s going to drop by this week, but she might be late because she wants Skywarp to come with her. Jetfire said she will drop by too with the everyone else,” Starscream said. “Should be more than enough time to finish planning and making dinner.”

“Is it bad I’m sad almost all of my sparklings are grown now? I miss when they were all small, Starscream.”

Starscream rolled over, kissing Soundwave’s forehead before changing tactics by squishing his cheeks and kissing them. “No,” he said. “That just means you did your duty of raising them. They’re all independent little brats now…most of them at least. Also, I’m proud of you for working so hard on your homework from Rung. I know how hard it must be to consciously think of how you speak.”

“Rumble is no long here though,” Soundwave mumbled into Starscream’s neck. “I wish she were here still…even Rung says I’m putting too much blame on myself for what happened to her.”

“See? You even have Rung agreeing with me on this now. Rumble say the same too if she could, you know that. She’d get mad seeing you like this and would tell you to hurry up stop moping over her. It’ll give you wrinkles, Soundwave.”

“But I wish she were here to visit him too like the rest of his cassettes can. Live on her own too,” he said. “Meet her new sisters.”

“She already has and will continue to see them,” Starscream said. “She met them when you brought our egg out to Kaon, she met Thundercracker long before we knew and she met her again in Kaon. And she will continue to see them when they stand under the nights sky as a star. Rumble will always be remembered and loved by those who have met her. The beat of her spark. Her colors taken on by Frenzy out of her memory. The photographs Thundercracker took of her before she left Cybertron, she’ll never be forgotten.”

With subtle elation Soundwave accepted Starscream’s attempt to sooth his worries and smiled as Thundercracker began to shift in her recharge, pushing her nose into the crook of his neck, mumbling random words. She nestled herself even deeper into his frame, optics powered off, but servos still reaching for comfort like a sparkling does when sleeping with their carrier.

“Care,” Thundercracker chirps in her recharge at Soundwave. “I love you.”

Soundwave struggles to process his emotions, but Starscream’s servo soon touches his cheek and he nods at him as if to remind him he’s no longer in the pits of Kaon, but somewhere safe. So, he dips his nose down to meet Thundercracker’s gentle chirps, a soft trilling in his throat. “Yes,” he says, “I love you too. My lost egg baby is back home. She’s where she is meant to be.”

Starscream joins in as well, his own chirps are released for her to hear and she responds by snuggling closer into Soundwave—a smile on her faceplate. And as they look at each other, realizing that their sparkling had just played them like a fiddle, making them eat out of the palm of her servo. Starscream can only laugh as he realizes it, albeit he does it silently as not to expose Thundercracker’s scheme, worried if he does, it’d give his and Soundwave’s egg more ideas for the future. Soundwave, however, leans in to give her another kiss on the forehead, nuzzling her in the same way he used to when she was still an egg in his arms.

They lay like that a little longer, alive and recharging as a family. Soundwave recalls how his carrier when she was still around would tell him he was a sparkling with no patience, he had a knack for lying and using his smile to sway her spark. She once held him and asked him what he would do if that wasn’t enough one day. Perhaps it is now that he recognizes the meaning behind her words. What else is behind the meaning of want than longing for the impossible? If he could he would have told her, it means he will chase and grasp it, grasp everything that was never thought to have never been his no longer burdened by the weight of his grief. The hunger for his life to prosper and continue is simply his alone as he looks at his family’s newest official additions—Starscream, Thundercracker, his sparklings.

As he starts to doze off, Soundwave swears he can see his carrier again before her faceplate became a blur to him, a proper reconstruction of her built from the holograms Ravage and Laserbeak showed him once. Her amber optics shining down at him unburdened by the thought of having a sparkling to hide and raise in secret. No one has left her to sit in a cage to rot, a grave on a hill illuminated by the carnage he’s caused to see her all over again in a failed attempt to save her, she’s yet to not know what awaits her.

She’s still free and exploring Kaon with his sire, Ravage and Laserbeak by her side. The world is for hers to take. Yet here, his carrier walks toward him, across the field that separates them, her large servos reach downward for him, holding him as if he were still the tiny set of prints that would follow after her every morning and night before she left for another match. Even if it’s a dream, Soundwave can’t help but choke, his throat is tight and she continues to smile at him. The sound of her voice is as he remembers—loud and proud, a symphony of love.

“Look at you,” Cascade said, warmly. “Still thinking of me after all this time. Hasn’t enough time passed, my fledgling? You even have your own family to care for now. Is it because you’re mad at me for hiding the truth from you as well? It’s okay if you are… As your carrier I understand. I would be mad too.”

Soundwave can only shake his head and reveal his faceplate to her. His nose presses into her palms and he sobs. His carrier looks the same, no part of her has aged or been destroyed yet, she keeps her servos to the sides of his faceplate, thumbs wiping the coolant as it makes its way down.

“I—I could never,” he manages. “Never, Care.”

“It’s okay if you did,” Cascade said. She pulls him into a near hydraulic pressure crushing hug. “I was so selfish back then and wanted you to stay innocent from it all… I didn’t want you to know the truth of our world back then. Blame yourself for being my sparkling.”

“Never…” Soundwave whimpers. “I would never do that, I love you!”

“Such a good fledgling I’ve raised,” Cascade said, laughing. “Does Starscream feed you and your family enough? He seemed sweet when you brought him to visit me and Rumble.”

“What?” Soundwave says trying to ask what she means, but it all comes crashing down when he sees Rumble approach him and he calls for her like a fevering prayer.

She’s adamant on running into his arms, her love for him boiling over, the smile on her face is just as he remembers and he crouches to catch her, kiss her forehead. Again, as if this was a sign of mercy from her, the eternal and burning guilt he’s always held over her death is now quieted by her small servos and vocal complaints about his makeup being ruined from all of his tears. Yet she cries too, crashes into him, laughs at him for crying.

“Have you been well, little one?” Soundwave manages to say to her while his carrier smiles at them and steps back to give them space. “You’re practically glowing, Rumble.”

“I’m good,” Rumble said, despite her sniffles. “Your carrier took me in after I passed on Earth, guided me back to Cybertron.”

Soundwave brought his optics up to see his carrier still smiling at the two of them. Tenderly, she brings her servo over to touch Rumble’s cheek then Soundwave to kiss his temple. “It took me a while to calm her down and walk her back to the well with me. She was such a mess when you continued to blame yourself for what happened to her. But she was also such a strong girl, you’ve done so well to raise her all by yourself, Soundwave.”

“Your carrier is very cool, Bossbot!” Rumble added while smiling. “She picked me up like nothing and let me stay there the entire trip there. I can totally see the resemblance between you guys.”

“Rumble…” Soundwave tried to say, “…Do you still blame me for what happened back then? For what I did?”

“Blame you?” Rumble said. “Why would I blame you? It wasn’t your fault, Bossbot.”

“But it was…. I should’ve known better than to send you out that day,” Soundwave argued, rather frantically. He shook his helm. “I was supposed to know, but I didn’t listen to my own frame, I let my ego control me.”

“I don’t blame you though,” Rumble said.

“But,” Soundwave said, but he stopped when Rumble put a servo over his mouth and glared at him. Her optics ablaze.

“I don’t blame you,” she said. “So, stop blaming yourself, or it’ll make me mad, Soundwave! I’ll haunt you by never appearing again too!”

Upon hearing that, Soundwave can feel his servos start to shake and his finials flinch. Maybe it’s because he missed her, the light weight in his arms, the faceplate he was so used to waking up to and calling for from his tape deck. He still thinks of what had happened that day, the explosion that happened under his watch and call.

Before Starscream forced him to get up and move out of the enemy’s sight, he would slip his servos under the broken cassette in front of him, wishing they were not on some foreign planet, but home—Cybertron. Fearful that her spark had anchored itself to Earth and they’d never see each other again once he passed on. The broken pieces and filaments all over the ground. Oh, how he wished time would turn back when he came to. And then when he returned to his quarters to stare at her broken alt mode again, the bitter silence that befell him and the rest of his cassettes, neither willing to speak first. But the noise was loud, held together by invisible threads of regret. Their shared regret and his guilty conscience after realizing he could no longer sense their once tethered bond.

“Rumble is certain?” Soundwave whispered at her. “She doesn’t blame Soundwave—she doesn’t hate me?”

“I could never, Bossbot. If anything, I want you to stop blaming yourself,” Rumble answered. She licked her lips and reached forward to grab his cheeks, slapping them. “Seriously, quit blaming yourself for what happened to me, okay? It was me who insisted on joining the battle that day, not just you. It was a team effort. Neither of us knew it would backfire.”

“Okay,” Soundwave said, tearful. “I understand.”

In the distance he can see another mech who stands nearby, but he doesn't approach like his carrier and Rumble do, instead he waves at him and nod as if to send his own approval and love for how his life has gone. The sound of music serenading him as Soundwave looks at those who continue to hold and smile at him.

He wonders if the one who stands so far away and waves at him is his sire Unit, the one he never got to meet himself, someone who had perished before his carrier even knew she was going to have him, but said would’ve never left them to suffer if he knew where they were. The prominent figure in the stories his carrier told him about when he couldn’t fall into recharge.

The sire who had always wanted to saved her, or tried to but always failed to a laughable degree, so she would often have to save the both of them and go on the run until their last adventure together. The sire who Ravage and Laserbeak would naturally co-exist with and call a delusional fool, but someone who was infectious in personality. The sire he imagined one day would come back and save them from the pits of Kaon, return his carrier to him after she had left, after he learned where she had really gone.

When he was younger, he wanted to believe the sire who gave his life to save his carrier once, and laid his life in order to buy her time to escape once had not died. No, he would come and free them, but even as a sparkling Soundwave understood how wishful that kind of dream was. But that didn’t change who he was according to his carrier when she heard of his thoughts, his anxious thoughts. His carrier had always affirmed, he was the product love—he was the last gift his sire gave to the mech he loved. He was their sweetest miracle. Loved and cherished by all.

His spark feels fuller by the time he wakes up and still sees Thundercracker still laying on top of him with his egg like before he fell into recharge—slowly they continue to press up against him and soak up his warmth, the tune of his speakers has started to fade into the background and he looks out to see the sun start to rise, its rays tickling him. The music his frame plays reminds him of his carrier.

Soundwave still remembers what his carrier and Rumble said before he began to wake up and leave them can only smile. Briefly, they had asked him to continue onward and love in their honor. And in response he said, he will not stop forgetting or remembering how to call for their names in his memories. His love for them. As envious as he feels to know they are together and not with him anymore. He knows they are envious of those who can be with him now in their place—all of them waiting for the day they will all get to meet and voyage to the same place. Accordingly, tenderly Soundwave pulls his those who he considers to be a part of his family closer and refuses to let go, giving into the longstanding hunger that he had always feared was destined to follow him since his hatching. For once, he feels full for once, full enough to keep the joy he had long sought after and wished to believe could be his.

“I want to have a really fun first Great Migration,” Soundwave said, sleepily. He smiles as Starscream stirs in his recharge as if reacting to him, but he does not wake.

Although Starscream’s optics remain offline, he briefly pulls Soundwave closer. “Of course,” he says back, “We’ll have a great first one together and so many more, my dear.”

Soundwave can’t help but laugh when he hears Starscream’s declaration and accepts it as fact. “I’ll blast you if that isn’t true.”

Notes:

I was raised by those who knew of love, but struggled to express it right
I was taught not all love is easy, not all love is permanent
I am quick to anger and quick to engage in arguments
Love is to me as it is to you
I want to curl up in your rays again and again

 

 

Fanart of ES SoundStar is from @whyryouhere091on twitter !!

Chapter 29: Lover of Mine

“You can always leave,” Shockwave said, tired. He squinted his optic at the blue screen in front of him, a familiar, yet distinct helm reflecting onto it. “The door is that way, Soundwave.”

Soundwave crossed his arms and snorted. “So, Shockwave really doesn’t know where Starscream and Wheeljack went today? Not even a single clue where?” he said, suspicious. He really found that difficult to believe given how much. Shockwave tended to hang out with Wheeljack, they did so almost daily despite their claims to not be interested in each other when poked.

Shockwave refused to look back at Soundwave, he already knew what type of expression the blue stealth bomber must have been making by now. “Yes, I have no clue where are right now. Maybe they’re testing something important on Cybertron.”

“But Wheeljack likes to stay on Earth to test his inventions these days. He usually likes to tests them with Shockwave as well. Isn’t it strange of him to do it with Starscream all the sudden? Also, Starscream said he was going somewhere with Wheeljack, but…not Cybertron.”

“No,” Shockwave said. “I mean, maybe he was lying to you.”

“No,” Soundwave said. “My Starscream may still be a prophetic and consistent liar, but I can read his body language like it were my own. He meant it when he said they were going somewhere else.”

Shockwave felt his optic twitch. He really didn’t understand why Soundwave was being so stubborn right now about what Wheeljack and Starscream were off right now and doing, He also didn’t think it was their business to know where they had gone. But Soundwave came in earlier, kicking the door down to his lab, and asked where his husband was and why he said he would be with Wheeljack for the day.

“Again, it’s rather illogical of you devote so much energon into wondering what they’re doing. Maybe you have the relationship status to care about it because it’s always been you and Starscream who were together, but I have don’t. Not with Wheeljack at least.”

“But Shockwave does! He does have the status to care. Doesn’t he like Wheeljack? Like him that way? What if he’s with Starscream to ask how to court someone for the Great Migration! This is important for you to consider right now, Shockwave.”

“Wheeljack isn’t from Vos though. Neither am I. So, it is not important, it is illogical to devote time or resources for.”

“The Great Migration doesn’t require someone to be from Vos though. You know that by now, Starscream already explained it to you.”

“It used to be though,” Shockwave argued. Vos had a reputation of being traditional with its customs though with the recent changes and influence of the war, it had started to change—little by little, it did. But Shockwave still didn’t understand why Soundwave insisted on him having feelings that didn’t exist. At least he believed didn’t.

“But Shockwave spends more time with Wheeljack than me. His best friend Soundwave.”

“That’s because you have a family and Starscream to care for. Again, Wheeljack and I aren’t like that, Soundwave. We just happen share a lab space together and get along occasionally. Correction. Only when his inventions don’t explode.”

 “No,” Soundwave said.

“Yes,” Shockwave insisted.

Soundwave stared at Shockwave, but started to head out. “Impossible,” he grumbled. “Shockwave must be in deep denial about his feelings…like Starscream was for the longest time.”

“I am not!” Shockwave started to yell. "It’s illogical of you to even claim that I would—and he’s gone.”

He slapped his optic and sighed. He really had no words for Soundwave’s latest statement about his emotional affairs and compatibility with others. Or an idea as to why Soundwave had decided to ask him if he affectionately liked Wheeljack or not. Maybe he’s just bored because Starscream is busy today, Shockwave thought.

⊹₊⟡⋆

“Are you here to raid us again, big bro?”

Soundwave took a step back from the fridge he had been staring at and looked down to see a tiny sparkling—full of red and blue and little finials. It was Megatron and Optimus’s sparkling, Roller. “Yes,” he said. “I’m raiding you again.”

“You’re not referring to yourself with your name anymore, why?” Roller asked. “And can I help you?”

Soundwave sat down on the floor and reached for a can of energon. After opening it, he looked at Roller, meeting her bright blue optics. “…Trying something new, tiny one.”

“Is it like when I get new wheels or paint?” Roller said. She kicked her pedes up to show off her newest upgrade with a smile. “Look! Aren’t they super cool? I like this shade of red too, it matches care more!”

“Roller looks cool,” Soundwave acknowledged. “Rocking.”

“That’s cause I roll like that,” she said, giggling when Soundwave reached to grab her and put her atop his shoulder, so they could raid the fridge together. “Woah, you can even see the freezer from up here, big bro. That’s so cool. Can we check it out too?”

“It is,” Soundwave surmises. “Do you want anything from up there?”

“I want… whatever you’re going to have!” Roller said, squealing as Soundwave stood up with her, his servos holding her legs down while she clutched his finials.

“On it,” Soundwave said, smiling. “Coming right up!”

Earlier when he had been in Shockwave's lab, he decided to drop by and see how Megatron was doing. He liked seeing his old mentor’s sparkling as well, she was rather cute, albeit tiny in size despite how large her creators were. But Optimus told him it was normal at that stage, she would increase in size after a few more upgrades. And sometimes Soundwave wondered if his sparklings would be as tiny once hatched, but then he remembered how large his egg was and that they were having most likely twins, so maybe they had inherited wings, or both his sparklings needed a lot of space to develop properly.

Roller for whatever reason seemed interested in him and insisted on calling him her older brother, a role he happily took on despite how awkward it felt. In a way it reminded him of when he first took in Rumble and Frenzy back in the pits, but they didn’t want to call him “big bro” just “boss” or anything like it, and it stuck. Maybe it was in his nature to be seen and nicknamed like that, he’s still surprised by the familiarity he feels when speaking to Roller, the act of being a part of her life—her family despite his strained relationship with Megatron. It renders him to coming back to see her, see how she thrives in a complete home, the act of still being viewed as family. 

Megatron never said anything whenever he came over to hang out with Roller or raid his house, often he would be found sitting somewhere on the side and reading a book as if to avoid the topic of how the sparkling he took in and adopted in the pits is now bonding with his second sparkling and raiding his house for supplies. Meanwhile Optimus always welcomed him with open arms and tries to ensure there are things he likes to eat are in stock. Like he does now.

“Do you and Starscream not have enough at home? Do you need more supplies, Soundwave?” Optimus peers over from the hallway. He laughs a little as his sparkling waves at him, the smile on her faceplate stretches wide. She’s beaming right now.

“No, we have plenty. I just like eating your food sometimes like right now,” Soundwave said, handing Roller the popsicle he found and opened for her, it’s her first time having one. He watches her take a bite, her faceplate scrunching due to the cold texture and laughs. He can’t wait for his own sparkling to do the same one day with him—try new things.

“I see,” Optimus said, laughing. “We’ll let me know if you guys ever need something then.”

“He’s cool right?” Roller said.

“Yeah,” Soundwave replied. “Your carrier is cool.”

“What about my sire?”

“He’s not the worst…” Soundwave said. He closed the fridge and stared at the snacks he had managed to find and stash away. However, the majority of what he had been able to find are all sweets he liked from Kaon. Things that only Megatron could’ve known about him liking, or bothered to stock. “…He can be cool sometimes, I guess.”

“I think so too,” Roller said, grinning. She looked around, admiring the new scope of visuals from sitting on top of Soundwave's shoulders with a popsicle in her mouth. “By the way, did you figure out what you’re going to name your new egg, big bro?”

“No,” Soundwave said, reaching to take the popsicle stick out of Roller’s mouth and toss it. “Haven’t…”

“You should make a theme then,” Roller said. “Oh, I know! What if you give your kid a “S” themed name? You and your husband both have names that start with the letter “S” that would be cool.”

“Maybe,” Soundwave said. “It’s a good suggestion, tiny one. Will consider it.”

“Hey if we’re taking suggestions. Can I be the flower girl at your wedding too, big bro?”

“Thundercracker has already asked me but… maybe there can be two flower girls at the wedding, tiny one.”

⊹₊⟡⋆

The smell of something cooking on the stove is the first thing Soundwave notices once he pushes the door open and he spots Starscream in the kitchen putting a few things down. Their egg is sitting on the counter—bundled in a few blankets and pillows—she looks comfortable. A nice setting has been created and if he were who he was before he would wonder why and doubt Starscream’s intentions. But since he isn't, Soundwave walks over to hold Starscream from behind and covers his optics without concern, or care for how brash he comes off.

“Hi,” Soundwave said, smirking. “Guess who?”

“Let me guess. The giant owl, who likes to eat elsewhere has finally returned home to me,” Starscream said. “I made your favorite by the way. Did you have fun while I was out?”

“Yeah,” Soundwave said, pouting. He was still trying to get used to the nickname Starscream had given him. He knew it wasn’t anything new, but the frequency of it had started to increase since they shared their memories. “I brought back food too."

“Keep doing that and everyone is going to think I don’t feed you enough,” Starscream snorted. He picked up one of the snack bags Soundwave had brought back and tossed near their egg before raising an optic brow at Soundwave. “Is this what I think it is?”

“Megatron had it in his house again.”

“Huh,” Starscream said, surprised. “Didn’t know they even sold these still. Do you think he’s trying to make it up to you?”

“I don’t know,” Soundwave said. “I was going to eat them all when I got home, but I wanted to let you try some. Thundercracker too. It’s good, swear.”

“How kind of you, but let’s eat some real food first. Snacks aren’t enough."

Soundwave pinched Starscream’s waist and nibbled on his neck then chin. “Does that include you too…? It’s been a while.”

“Maybe when the sparklings aren't around, or in the house around us,” Starscream said, blushing. “Don’t make me beat you with this wooden spoon!” He raised his servo, exposing it, but froze when Soundwave took it from him and started to lick it.

“This is good, tastes just like the place you took me once,” Soundwave said, pupils wide, finials pointed to the sky. “Hey, Starscream is there more of this for me to eat….”

“Yeah, it’s what’s for dinner,” Starscream said, laughing. “Hurry up and sit down, so I can feed you it.” He snorted when Soundwave bolted for the dining table, running back to grab their egg, before promptly sitting back down to look at him.

“I’m ready,” Soundwave said. There was a beep from their egg. “They're ready too!”

“They can’t even eat this stuff yet,” Starscream said, pushing a plate and spoon towards Soundwave.

Soundwave looked down at his egg and frowned. “Sorry about this…but I’m eating first. Oh, that reminds me, we never discussed what to name the twins?”

“I’m not good with names,” Starscream remarked while sitting across from Soundwave. “Did you have any?”

“Yeah, made a list with Roller earlier.”

Starscream smiled and nodded. “I’ll look over it after dinner then with you.”

⊹₊⟡⋆

“What about this one?” Soundwave said, yawning. He had his legs thrown over Starscream’s lap, gaze almost dually focused on the data pad in the seeker’s hand and the reading glasses on the bridge of his nose.

“Sounds weird. Next,” Starscream remarked. He looked to see Soundwave staring at him, the corners of his lips pulled upward as if to disguise a laugh. “What’s so funny?”

“You still look old with those on,” Soundwave said, laughing. He couldn’t hold it back anymore and fell backwards into the couch, his laughter only increasing when Starscream launched forward to tickle him.

“And you still look as you did when we first met,” Starscream said, annoyed. He grabbed Soundwave’s cheeks, causing his lips to pucker in a slight butterfly shape. “How are you so cute and young?”

“Superior,” Soundwave answered, pushing Starscream off of him and back onto the couch. “I’m is superior that’s why! And I steal Starscream’s youth when he recharges.”

“I knew it,” Starscream said, laughing. “Little energon sucker.”

Soundwave grabbed Starscream’s faceplate and kissed him after hearing that. Their glossas roll and mesh, no longer trying to make sense of their own desires and motivations, but trying to be soft and a sturdy piece of home. It’s the way, Soundwave supports Starscream’s bad hip, pulling the pillows around him, and the way Starscream gives special attention back—his servos gliding across Soundwave’s thighs and ankles, rubbing into circles in them until they pull away. It’s like a distant dream.

“We still need a name,” Soundwave said, smiling as they pull away. He rubs his nose up against Starscream’s cheek, the purr of his engine, the softness of his curved optics when he looks up. “Two to be exact…”

“I’ll go with anything you want,” Starscream said. He pinched Soundwave’s chin with a smirk.

“Liar,” Soundwave exclaimed, playfully he slaps a servo against Starscream’s canopy. Every name he had ever tried to pick earlier after dinner had been tossed out immediately by Starscream. “You already said no to at least ten different names!"

“Maybe,” Starscream argued. “But you never fought for any of those names either, if you had then maybe I would’ve agreed.”

“Should we let them decide?” Soundwave asked. “Let the egg babies should have a say too…they’re going to be the one who has to use them.”

“They’ve been quiet this entire time though,” Starscream said. He chirped at their egg, checking in on them, and promptly the egg rolls over to see what all the commotion was about. “Did you girls like any of the names we went over earlier?”

Starscream sighed when there was no sound from their egg and looked over at Soundwave, his digits scrolling through a few of the names they were yet to go over. “It’s late, we should try again, Soundwave—”

“Sundor.”

“Sundor?” Starscream said. “Like the sun?”

“Morning egg baby likes to sunbathe with me and Ravage, the name fits,” Soundwave said, energetically. He poked his now rolling egg, she seemed to agree with him. “Do you like that name, morning egg baby?”

“Isn’t she usually asleep by this time?” Starscream asked, watching as Soundwave stared their egg down, it was hard not to find it a little comical. Large owlish shaped optics peering down a single egg, waiting for a response.

“She wakes up to answer if I ask her directly no matter the time of day,” Soundwave said. He’s proven right when unlike before there is finally a chirp, and it’s loud, it’s melodic. “See!”

“That leaves one more name though for the night egg baby,” Starscream said. He leaned back and into the couch, watching as Soundwave tried to corral their adventurous egg and keep it in his arms. “Should I just start to fire off names and see what sticks? Tell us what you like, night egg baby...”

“Alright then,” Soundwave said. With a cough, Starscream readjusted his reading glasses and started to list a flurry of different S names, waiting for a response from his egg. “Soomi. Sumitra. Stellar…Skylar…Seigneurs…Soundblaster—”

“That one,” Soundwave shouted. “That’s the one!”

“Which one,” Starscream said, confused. “Soundblaster?”

A loud chirp followed that name, but it was different from the one he heard when the name “Sundor” was named, this one was heavier and coarser in its tone. She must really like that one Starscream thought while Soundwave stood up and ran with their egg in his servos and pointed to the ceiling.

“Sundor and Soundblaster,” Soundwave said, shouting at the top of his vents. He runs as if to tell the whole world, yet it is just the living room of his house. “Look out world, here they come!”

Starscream can only shake his head and laugh. He knows too well, how happy Soundwave is, he begins to speak, but pauses. And instead, he says, “Welcome home, Sundor and Soundblaster.”

Notes:

Names in the kitchen, you told me it was all for us
With delivering plates of warmth and soothing meals
To be here on behalf of what I missed from the start
Is the greatest blessing of all

-

SW is like a giant stray cat who comes to eat and hang out with others before he goes to his actual home (SS and children) lol and on the occasion Blaster is on Earth, they duke it out... Jazz and SS have to drag their respective music player back home... Actually SW does a lot when away from SS for once, but not enough when he was on Cybertron mopin about the baby not being his lol

Chapter 30: Bells of Love

Notes:

In celebration of me getting my fish fins on a Deluxe ES SDW, I found the energy to finish editing this monster of a ch!!

The Great Migration, what was once considered a simple celebration held for those who had lost a sparkmate, but still wished to see them one day. Followed by the belief that those who were from Vos, but unable to be with them, could be guided by the same stars and moons that surrounded their universe like an art piece. They would return one day, for the love that still waited for them would always remain, and linger even in the worst events.

Now it was treated more as celebration of permanent courtship, with the regard that there exists a love, that requires a minimum a single cyber-week to take place, and must be genuine. Genuine with servos are full of flowers ripe from the lights they cultivate and bloom for each day and night, to create flight crowns. Flight crowns that are then weaved and given with the intention to court a Cybertronian for life—a sparkmate. The city Vos, itself acts as if possessed, it’s people party, small and large business shut down for it, only the bare necessity is allowed to go on, in fear that the people may starve.

Yet there is an infamous Vosian saying that is always spoken throughout Vos and those who have witnessed this tradition before: any attempt to talk of something beyond love will always go unanswered and left alone, try any other time of the week. Street markets with food and games open once a cycle to sell traditional sweets and dishes, tourists from neighboring colonies and other regions of Cybertron come to visit, forgive us the people of Vos would say, for we are simply too busy being in love and basking in it.

When Soundwave first saw the Great Migration, it was from afar and inside the pits of Kaon, from there he could only watch as Cybertronians from all over Vos sat there in the stands with their servos full of flowers and gifts. There he stood covered from helm to pede in energon, questioning why it was so important.

His optics would gravitate to the deep and flamboyant variety of colors that would course through the wires of those from Vos, the colors they used to coat their frames, and the glimmering speckles of jewelry to decorate their helms and wings like they were statues to admire. It felt like a joke to him, some taunt from the world itself. For the only chance he had to dress himself in: colors and jewelry was energon and his own fuel. Instead of a partner to swear his spark to, the bodies of his comrades pile around him, and his carrier sits in a gilded cage meant to torture her until her last breath.

Sure, he knows why those who come from Vos are so proud, perhaps he thinks they’re lucky, and is wistful to understand what that feels like. The pride that comes with loving someone so openly without fear of status, even if only for a single cyber-week before it all must be shuffled away and hidden. He understands why those from Vos say the things they do in a glossa he barely understands if not for his own Carrier, he understands why they chant for imminent glory each Great Migration, why they insist on throwing so many flowers from their balconies and windows onto unsuspecting visitors and couples alike. He would too if he were them.

It's the spirt of the Great Migration, he’s come to accept and notice. Anything can be a big enough celebratory event if you’re stubborn enough to make it happen, and that was something he had grown to believe in. He believes it when looking at his family. Thundercracker is grinning at him, egg sibling in servo, and Frenzy is by her side.

But there’s a striking difference to how they usually appear before him. They have flight crowns made out of pink hydrangeas on. Soundwave doesn’t recognize these. These aren’t the ones he has made for his family. The ones he made for them are made out of red peonies.

“These are from Starscream,” Thundercracker said, answering his question. She’s quick on her pedes, pulling something out to give to him. “These are for you too, Care. From me to you.”

There’s a beep.

“Egg baby and Frenzy too,” Thundercracker said, laughing. She then smiled and brought the egg to her cheek, squishing it. “They both helped me pick the colors and then Frenzy argued with me about how to arrange it though.”

“It was nothing,” Frenzy praised. “Total light work, boss.”

“Thank you. Thank you all,” Soundwave said, but he’s unsure what to do with the flight crowns he has been given. Was he supposed to put it on? Or have one of them do it for him? He had seen Starscream do it before with his carrier, but he was unsure if he was supposed to ask or wait for it.

He received his answer yet again as Thundercracker and Frenzy motion to put it on him and he obliged. Slowly, he drops his head and bends forward, allowing them both to individually drape a flight crown on his help. The smell of lilies fills his olfactory sensors and he can only smile, bringing his family to him for a moment before taking out their flight crowns and repeating the process. The roar from his engine fills the air, his systems blare a slight warning for pressure, and his plating opens to release steam, but Soundwave could care less, he deepens their hug until it’s returned in full.

Thundercracker’s helm is covered in all sorts of flowers now, but so is his egg and Frenzy. A ring of pink and red, it matches their expressions. There’s a swell of pride in Soundwave’s spark as he admires them. His servos gravitate to touch Thundercracker and Frenzy’s faceplates, the brightness of their smiles, and the beaming EM fields that mesh and blend into his own. It’s all he’s ever wanted for them.

“Happy Great Migration,” Thundercracker says. “May glory come to you!”

“I hope you have a good one,” Frenzy added. “Give Starscream a good chase!”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Thundercracker exclaimed. She bounced up and down until Soundwave touched her shoulder and stared at her. “Sire told me to tell you, if you want your flight crown you have to find him!”

“Find him?” Soundwave said, amused. He thought it was a little funny for Starscream to play games with him, but it was only the first day of the Great Migration. “What is that supposed to mean, girls?”

“I don’t know, he just said you need to find him. He also said, he’ll be where you guys first met,” Thundercracker said.

“He was too cryptic, it was dumb,” Frenzy said, snorting. She looked to the side and frowned. “Whatever he meant, he said you’d get it anyway, so we should stick our noses elsewhere.”

“Well, whatever he meant. We’re going to hang out with Skywarp, Nova Storm, and Jetfire. Egg baby will come too! I’ll be an expert egg sitter,” Thundercracker said, giggling. “Eggcellent…get it?”

“You’ve been hanging around Hashtag too much…” Frenzy said, annoyed.

“No…”

Soundwave chuckled. “I get it, don’t worry, Thundercracker. Be good and have fun.”

After giving his family one more good squeeze and a belligerent round of kisses until they slipped from under his arms, Soundwave felt he was satisfied for the day, and went in search for Starscream—where they were allegedly supposed to meet. As he looks up at the sky, it feels as if the world has changed overnight as well. There’s such a stark difference from Vos admis all of its celebrations to Kaon—the place he had grown up in and destroyed before leaving. He returned to help repair it upon stepping foot on Cybertron again.

His efforts have paid off.

It’s better than it was before. Before where people were forced to hide from other’s and live underground, they are out and in the open. The smell of food permeates through the air and Soundwave can make out a few sparklings in the crowd as they run past him, their servos full of new toys, and the dialects of the people mingle within each other.

There are still those who wrestle and get into messes on the side lines, tossed from buildings for drinking too much, but they’re all in good fun. Those around him walk around with pride, they smile, trying to keep the energon rushing through them, and their conversations going. There is no longer a fear of someone being taken, or sold. Merchants carrying goods walk by him, while residents and travelers pass by with leisure. Maybe there is still the occasional rogue bounty hunter, or monster, but Soundwave has had his fair share of dealing with them, and decides to cut himself some slack.

He prefers to live in the present, far from his old days of sitting on the couch surrounded by empty cubes of energon with a broken static television still playing the same old channel, he refused to change until Shockwave broke through his door and told him to. It’s strange to think of those days now. Especially when he began to crash at Starscream’s house and old art studio more and more after their adventure to the zoo—on the premonition that the seeker simply had better snacks and more nutritious food, sludge could only satiate his tank so much after all.

In the distance, the outline of a tall thick trunk comes into his optical field and Soundwave can’t help but feel nostalgic when he sees it. It’s his old lookout spot—the same tree he used to scale and would attempt to view more of Cybertron from as if he were a bird about to take flight into the sky. Before he knew better. Slowly, Soundwave touches it and looks around. He does a few circles around the base, half expecting to run, or crash into Starscream, but there is no Starscream to greet him like he assumed there would be.

There’s no one around for stretches of optics to see, or disturb him and his thoughts. Instead, it’s the smooth burned pads of his digits brush against the metal bark of the tree that do, and he starts to trace where he had carved his own name into it once in an act of rebellion. It’s a miracle for it to have even survived for so long, he had always been surprised to learn that it did when he first made his way back to it, yet here he was again. But for a far different reason.

This time he is not here to demand a glimpse into a world beyond his optics, but to see the one he loves and cherishes—and wishes to show off like how those of Vos do. Dawn the same ceremonial wear, he used to despise and consider purely material and flamboyant for no reason other than to express their wealth. The use and value of it all was something he used to tune out, turn his head, carve it into his spark, that whatever it was, was not for him to learn and never seek when he knew how pointless it all was for him and his value to society. He belonged to and had grown up in Kaon, despite the energon that rain through his tubing—to his younger self, Vos turned its back on his carrier and abandoned her, it chased her out, punished her for being an outlier with abilities. So, what was there for him? Nothing.

In his world, to continue on without his carrier was the hardest thing he could’ve ever done, next to losing his first egg, and it was there he would remind himself that in the entire culmination of his life that frivolous things like: his own sparkmate, conjunx, a sparkling born from such love would never be for him—it would never be his either, not permanently at least. The world had done enough to show him why, it gave him a taste of someone who could’ve been his world, but he refused to stay, he refused to speak of his own troubles when they fell onto his shoulders and bottled it instead. He believed it was a weakness to speak of his loss and his desires, a weakness he needed to curb and maintain from others—or else what he believed in (the Decepticons) would fall apart without him.

Soundwave had always thought, he was meant to leave people and he was meant to be leaved. He was meant to love people until he could no longer could, he was meant to hold people until they were taken either because of him, or in conjunction to him. Naturally, his mind had changed. Perhaps moved by the existence of a love that he once thought could only belong to someone who was stronger than him, someone who no longer had the right to exist, yet still attempted to claw his way to—even fall in love with, and have so happily by his side every morning and night.

While lost in his thoughts of his own past and change in perspective on life, Soundwave can feel his cheeks heat up. There’s a tall lurching shadow cast over his pedes, it’s wide and familiar figure, and when he turns around to see who it was, it’s Starscream. He smiles down at him, wings raised to hang above his shoulders, but what’s in his servos draws Soundwave’s attention first. A flight crown made out of pink carnations—like the ones he saw in his memories with Starscream. A feeling akin to fresh blankets straight out of the dryer washes over Soundwave as he looks up at Starscream.

 “Hello,” Soundwave said. His finials flutter as if to mimic a butterfly before it takes flight to its next target. “Can I help you, stranger?”

“Depends,” Starscream said, chuckling. “I’m looking for someone right now.”

“You are?” Soundwave asked. “Why?”

“Yeah,” Starscream said, smirking. “I’m looking for the mech who fell on me one day and became my fated sparkmate. He really left a dent in my back wings.”

Soundwave laughed. “That sounds rather specific… Do you remember what he looked like then?”

“Yeah,” Starscream said. He dangled the flight crown in front of Soundwave’s faceplate as if it were a feather toy, to tease him. Stepping forward, he pushed his faceplate into Soundwave’s visor. “Actually, he looked lot like you, but he didn’t have a mask on…”

“Really,” Soundwave said, softly. He peered up, wrapping his arms around Starscream’s neck, intake tickling it. With a sharp click, his faceplate is revealed and their lips almost crash. “I look like him?”

“You do…and it’s driving me crazy,” Starscream whispered. “You’re both so beautiful. I can’t help, but want to make you mine.”

“Then do it,” Soundwave said. His lips curve into a sly smile as he steps back, servos slipping from Starscream until they’re forced back and held with a sudden intensity as if afraid it will all end if he doesn’t. That feeling of want, it’s impossible to deny, it seems to leak from him. And what else could he do with that desire, other than taunt. “What’s stopping you from doing that, stranger? Kaon has always been superior in courtship.”

“The only thing stopping me is if you’ll accept this flight crown,” Starscream said. He had one servo on Soundwave’s waist, the other on his chin, amber optics locked with his.

“Go on,” Soundwave declared proudly. “It’s a random proposal, but this stranger may be willing to accept…so long as it’s a good and well written one.”

Starscream snorted, but lifted his head to speak. He speaks in the same Vosian dialect from when they first met. “I’m so grateful to have known and seen your beautiful spark. Even when you’re greedy, smug, and hot-headed, you’re so easy to love and hold like a fresh canvas. However, you’re not easy, Soundwave. You’re not easy to make stay and there were days I used to fear this moment would never happen. But it has. It has, and it has been so easy to love and be with you. My silent moon, I no longer fear the darkness. Do you accept my words to you and you alone?”

Soundwave nodded with a smile and said, “I do.”   

Starscream then held up the flight crown that belonged to Soundwave between his servos and kissed it before placing it on top of his helm and over his finials. "If there is ever a day where we may part for and meet in the AllSpark. I hope it is me who goes first. But if not then I’ll be left of the world that wraps around your departing spark and look the newest star in the sky.”

Soundwave let out a soft hum in response, clearly pleased by Starscream’s sweet mouth, and brought out the flight crown he had been making for Starscream. A flight crown crafted out of tulips, all sorts of them, piled on top of each other—in a way that only they would understand.

“Soundwave—I used to believe that love like this was something far beyond my understanding. I never thought that I’d find the one in my life that would make me feel so complete like a revolving chord, but here you are in front of me. Here. I’m with you. Returning your courtship with another flight crown. The one I will always look for in the sky. Do you also accept my words to you and you alone? My untranslatable star.”

“So long as I am still online and able to, I will always accept.”

Soundwave gasped when Starscream got on one of his knees and took ahold of his free servo, his helm presented as he waits. Gently, Soundwave puts the designated flight crown where it belongs and where it was crafted to be in the end, and Starscream rises from the floor, the flutter of his wings.

They stare at each other, just shy of a finalizing the last of their courtship, all that’s left is a simple kiss. Starscream pulls Soundwave close, one servo hugs the back of Soundwave’s head, the other the cusp of his back. Their glossas circling around the promises they have made again and again. It’s all they need. Starscream presses Soundwave against the tree, his teeth sink into the bottom of Soundwave’s lips, his neck, his finials. He can only grunt in response to the onslaught of touch that comes his way, or what digs into his hips, and the earnest words that make their way into his audials.

“Wait,” Soundwave said, shaking. “Hold on…”

“What,” Starscream teased. He nipped the bottom of Soundwave’s lip, servos still wrapped around the small of his back. “Too much? I thought you were a fledgling, or am I too hot for you?”

Soundwave glared at him. “No, but your old art studio in Vos is empty right now and so is the house on Earth…”

“Oh,” Starscream said, smirking. “The kids are busy?”

“Yeah. Should be for a while,” Soundwave said, grabbing Starscream’s faceplate with smile, the tip of their noses touching. “But we should leave a warning on the door just in case they do swing by the studio…”

Starscream chuckled a little and leaned in to capture Soundwave’s lips. “Whatever you want, my dear. We have all the time in the world to decide what should or shouldn’t be done for the kids.”

The trip back to Starscream’s art studio in Vos was a different form of torture for Soundwave and the first thing he did after ensuring there would be little to none disturbances was to kiss Starscream and press him up against the couch. His lips smash into Starscream’s faceplate, and his thighs wrap around his waist. Cold servos support and grope his aft, warm intake tickles his audials, and intense smoldering gaze never leaves him.

“So, needy,” Starscream said, breathless. He stood with Soundwave still clinging onto his frame, servos draped over his shoulders, lips stuck to his neck. “Has it really been that long since we did anything, my dear?”

“Mm. Too long,” Soundwave managed through some kisses. He refused to let go or meet Starscream’s smoldering gaze. What a crankshaft, Soundwave thought. He further corroborated with that thought when Starscream dropped him into a nest and crawled in to pin him into it, servos digging into his wrists.

“Hey, do you remember what you told me when we first got together in Kaon?” Starscream said, faintly. Soundwave’s head is pressed against one of his arms, legs tossed over his torso, and arms around his neck. “That dingy old spot, the same one where we broke the berth on accident and had to do it on the floor instead until we passed out.”

“No,” Soundwave said, blushing. He didn’t remember much, but he remembers claiming to have enough experience to interface with someone. One of the many dumb and rather blatant lies he told Starscream back then when they first tried to go beyond a simple kiss, and heavy panel petting.

“You said, ‘I know how to ride someone, why are you doubting me’ and then you claimed to not want to because I was making such a big deal about it,” Starscream said, laughing. “So, you laid there while I took care of you for the entire night.”

“Okay, and?” Soundwave said, pouting. He felt his finials twitch under Starscream’s all-knowing gaze. Then gasped when one of Starscream’s servo grabbed his aft and the tip of his spike pressed against his dripping valve. Soundwave felt his calipers squeeze in anticipation. He didn’t even realize he had anything out, let alone Starscream, feeling drunk off kisses alone. “What’s your point?”

“You should know how to do it now,” Starscream said, briefly. His voice low. “Do you want to try it this time, Soundwave?”

Soundwave instinctively presses himself against Starscream, pulling him closer and closer to his neck, and away from his spike. “No…and your sparkmate want to be taken care of again like last time.”

“Oh?” Starscream said. He pressed the head of his spike, against Soundwave’s soaked valve, adjusting his angle for maximum stimulation. “You want to be taken care of again like last time?”

Starscream’s teasing only makes Soundwave whine more as he rolled his hips and avoided the narrowed optics that stared him down. With a heated coil, and a deep desire for intimacy, Soundwave attempted to get another kiss, and moaned when Starscream kissed him back with a similar want. But there is no avail in his quest to be penetrated by Starscream’s spike, he’s still teased by the mere tip of it.

“Please,” Soundwave whimpered. He opened his mouth and panted. His valve tightened in anticipation as his fans clicked on all at once. “I want you Ulchtar…”

At his limit, Starscream kisses Soundwave’s forehead, and shoves his spike deep inside. “You’re so lucky, I can stand you after all this time.”

“Yes,” Soundwave said. As he felt his legs turn into jelly, instantly he grabbed Starscream’s faceplate and kissed him, moaning with each powerful thrust into his valve, it sends his insides into a frenzy, tightening with a vice-like grip. “Just like that, more. So, good…yes…”

Starscream bites Soundwave’s finials, his cold, wet glossa, lapping at the now blue dented metal. The taste of his own polish hits his systems, reminding him that they now share more than just a home, they share so much more. So much more than: cubes of energon, a pair of sparkling, polish, bathing spaces, nests. Everything is theirs to share.

As Starscream resumes to kiss, bite, and lick at Soundwave’s neck, Soundwave squirms through it all, all sorts of noises leaving his mouth as he tries to angle his hips to take more of Starscream’s spike inside, deeper with an immense yearning for more of it to fill him. He gasps once his walls clenches down like it were on auto-pilot.

“Beautiful as the day I met you,” Starscream managed to say through his thrusts, watching as Soundwave persistently continued to whine and claim he wanted to be kissed again. Starscream leans down to oblige that request, but his mind is fuzzy. All of his thoughts are muffled with pure pleasure and need, Soundwave’s valve makes him melt, it sends his pleasure to levels he hasn’t felt in vorns.

“Shut up. Stop looking at me like that,” Soundwave said, panting. His voice goes out near the end. His mind is foggy. “Starscream owes me more sweets for everything he’s done and claimed to not have done!”

“I do?” Starscream said. As his optics curved upward, he let out a hoarse whine. “Before we get to that… how about we consider what you’ve also done and claimed to not have done? Used me as a fun experience after sneaking out, forgot and left me, then came back to use me to fulfil that greedy bottomless hunger of yours… I think we’re even in terms of debt.”

“No,” Soundwave said. “Not even… Starscream has done worse, he needs to still pay me back.”

Starscream kept his servo pressed to Soundwave’s tape deck. “Oh.”

With that, he begins to pound into Soundwave harder and faster than he had for the duration of their time together in the nest. The servo he had on Soundwave’s aft never leaving as he squeezes the fine piece of metal, and indulges himself on the sight of his sparkmate’s embarrassed expression.

“More…wait…yes…!” Soundwave said, hiccupping. His walls press hard against the invading spike that rocks his frame, clinging to the barbs that line and drag against it, frantic to chase the gratification that was underneath his wires. He wanted to overload and take Starscream’s too. His frame demanded it.

Starscream stares at him, the static between them is thick, built from the constant thrashing in the nest. The only thing he’s grateful for is how comfortable their nest is to lay and interface in. His spike has become sensitive from the constant squeezing of Soundwave’s valve, it squeezes him for dear life, and leaves his wings quivering like crazy.

“So tight,” Starscream said. He nuzzled Soundwave’s cheek. “Do you want me to overload inside?”

“Please,” Soundwave begged. “Give it.”

His almost optics shut off when he saw Starscream smirk and thrust into him even harder, servo digging into his aft, teeth sinking into his finial causing it to nearly bend, and they both overloaded together.

“That was good,” Starscream said, lazily. He kissed Soundwave on the lips, refusing to move a single wire. Not even after his spike has ceased all movement. He’s more focused on if Soundwave is okay, or was blue-screened into recharge. After ensuring that Soundwave was fine, he held re-adjusted their positions, and tried to get up, but Soundwave reached out to grab him.

“Where are you going,” Soundwave said, confused. His weary optics blinked in and out of synch as he had undergone a full functional reset up until now. “Starscream already leaving me so soon?”

“No,” Starscream said, trying to soothe Soundwave. “I’m going to get something to clean you and the nest up. I don’t want you to recharge in a mess. We made a mess, my dear.”

“We did?” Soundwave tried to look around, but grunted when he realized how sore his thighs felt from being apart, the pink trans fluid that dribbled its way from his valve onto the floor of their nest and him, and also the stinging pain in his finials from being bitten. “Oh…”

“Just stay here,” Starscream said. He kissed the top of Soundwave’s helm. “I’ll be right back with a warm mesh cloth and some snacks.”

“Wait,” Soundwave said, almost falling out of the nest, but was caught by Starscream’s arms.

“Yeah?”

“You still haven’t taken me to see the stars…”

Starscream laughed. “We’ll go to see them soon. Don’t you worry, Soundwave.”

“Promise?” Soundwave said, slipping into recharge, the light in his optics were fading. “No lying, Soundwave hates liars, you know…”

“We’ll go when it gets dark enough,” Starscream said. “We’ll be there on time to see it in all its glory. The sky should be clear enough to see the stars by then.”

The nest is clean and warm when Soundwave comes online feeling well rested, Starscream is by his side and holding onto him. Soundwave wonders what time it is now, he can’t see from where he is, but he can sense how quiet the house is still. It’s quiet enough to hear a pin drop. As he shakes Starscream awake, the groggy seeker grabs onto him and pulls him closer.

“Awake?” Starscream said.

“Yes,” Soundwave replied, rubbing his optics. “The nest looks nice.”

“I’m not cruel enough to leave you sleeping in a dirty and barren nest,” Starscream said. He presses his nose into some pillows, and starts to stretch his frame out. “What time is it, anyway, Soundwave?”

“Don’t know, just woke up now,” Soundwave said. “But the kids still out and there are no disturbances in our bonds. That’s good.”

“Maybe because of the sign we slapped together last click,” Starscream said, laughing. He still remembered the crude little sign he and Soundwave designed before slapping it on their door. It said: DO NOT DISTURB in big bold letters, it seemed the message had been accepted and if they had come by, they had left without too much thought.

“Hey, that reminds me is there anything fun to do during the Great Migration?” Soundwave said. “Your memories showed it had a lot of different stalls and food.”

“There’s a food market,” Starscream answered. “Do you want to go? The kids are probably out there too.”

“Are there any sweets?”

“Plenty.”

“Then let’s go,” Soundwave said, standing up. His optics wide and shinning as he pulled Starscream to his pedes and dragged him out of the house. “Go, go!”

“Wait, Soundwave—my wallet!”

Food was the first thing on Soundwave’s mind when he stepped into the flower district of Vos with Starscream in tow, the second thing on his mind was how many flowers there were falling from the sky, mechs flying and sitting on the side. There was a piece of something for everything. As he tracks the seekers who dance and flip in the air, music behind them, Starscream weaves his way through the crowd and back to him. In his servo is a large pink cloud like object, it’s easily see-through like glass.

“For you,” Starscream said, smiling. “You’ll like it, it’s quite sweet and popular with hatchlings. Thundercracker used to throw tantrums every Migration if she couldn’t have a taste. Skywarp and Nova Storm were the same. Almost made their sire go insane.” He laughed.

“Their sire is Slipstream, right,” Soundwave asked, taking the large pink cloud like object from Starscream. It smells nice, but it also looks a little sticky when he brings it to his lips to try a bite.

“Yeah, she’s, their sire. But Skywarp and Nova Storm have different carrier’s. Made around the same time, hatched too.”

“Mm,” Soundwave said, eating. “Then Sunstorm and Acid Storm are the carriers? They were born after Thundercracker. The first thing they saw and thought was their carrier until it was corrected.”

“Yeah,” Starscream said. He took Soundwave’s servo and they started to walk around, joining the crowd to admire the decorations that were lined up around the buildings and floors in preparation for the Great Migration. “It took me by surprise at first to even learn they become a trine. Well, not that surprising. They’ve always stuck to Thundercracker like glue, they cried until their ducts went dry the first time they weren’t in the same class once as kids. We had to pull a few strings for them.”

“That must’ve been a lot of fun,” Soundwave replied. “Them being able to grow up together like that. Have a large blended family.”

In his head, he starts to map out how that must have worked back then. Slipstream from what he saw in Starscream’s memories was no means small when compared to Skywarp and Nova Storm, but she did look a little smaller than Starscream and the other seekers—Sunstorm and Acid Storm. He admired how she managed to spark two of her fellow seekers given how much larger they were than her.

When they met, she was hard to read at first and had a mean faceplate, but she was kind to Thundercracker and Frenzy, so he didn’t mind her. He didn’t mind her even more when she went out of her way to lecture Skywarp in front of him for hiding that she was dating Frenzy for so long without telling anyone for so long. Something he had been holding off on doing himself personally—it was difficult for him to scold Frenzy—due to his own awkwardness and inability to lecture her. He thought it’d be strange to given how he had always tried kept his relationship with Starscream under wraps and away from anyone.

In the end all he cared about was Frenzy’s happiness and if she was being treated well by Skywarp, but Slipstream was ahead of him in terms of parental care, forcing Skywarp to apologize for being with Frenzy without his permission and give him something as a sign of respect. The purple and green femme seeker was annoyed, but still she tried to apologize under her sire’s stern gaze and wing flicks.

Frenzy thought it was funny and watched with a giggle while Skywarp was forced by her sire to bow on the ground in front of them and grovel until she was forgiven. Seeing that made Soundwave realize, he had a lot of things to consider once his own sparklings hatched and things to pick up—in terms of Vos culture. And when he asked Starscream what that was all about, Starscream said it was considered rude to be with someone behind their creators back, even if it was a small thing, or a sign of interest. You were supposed to give gifts and win their creators over, if they were alive and your relationship was good. It was a sign of respect for who they chose to court and their creators.

“What’s that,” Soundwave said. He pointed at a stall, full of soft animals and colorful patches of stars on their fur. He watched on as someone won it for their companion after shooting enough of the dedicated targets. It looked fun.

“Do you want one?” Starscream asked. He looked over to meet Soundwave and the tip of his glossa, now dyed pink from the piece of candy he had been eating while they continued on with their walk through the streets. That’s really adorable, he thought.

“Yes, but I’m going to win it,” Soundwave declared. “Win so hard you grovel at my superiority.”

“You are?” Starscream said, raising an optic brow. He started to take out some coins and count them. “Not even going to let me win you one, huh.”

Soundwave pulled a coin out, he stole out and from Starscream, and handed it the vendor who nodded and handed him a toy blaster. “I’ll win one for myself and you.”

Starscream snorted, handing the vendor another coin. “How many shots for the that one?” he asked. His digit points to the large blue and red sheep in the back, the stars on it are much larger as well.

“About all of them, sir,” the vendor said, happily. He bites on the two shanix coins before walking to grab a hidden lever. “You got about until the timer runs out to shoot all of em, but the trick is to finish the fastest. Let me know when you’re ready.”

“Starscream wants to have a competition,” Soundwave said, surprised. “Wait, can you even shoot.”

“I shot plenty of times in the war!” Starscream exclaimed. “Watch me, Soundwave.”

Soundwave turned his head and focused his attention on the toy blaster in his hand, it wasn’t bad, and if he looked at the moving targets at hand, he could definitely get some in right now. “Starscream was a lousy shot back then though, he missed at least fifty percent of the time…”

“Hey, that was only during my first stellar cycle of fighting in the air! I grew up a scientist you know.”

“Sure,” Soundwave said, shaking his head. He nodded at the vendor and the game began.

Whilst the targets started to appear and rotate, Soundwave started to shoot at them one by one. Occasionally his shots would overlap with Starscream and they would glare at each other before firing off at different targets, at some point though, they started hitting the same ones too often. Soundwave bit his cheek after that, aiming for what he could hit the fastest, and prioritized the count in his processors. He was in the lead until the near end.

“Here ya go,” the vendor said, handing them their individual prizes. “Have a good Migration!”

Soundwave frowned staring at his prize then looked at Starscream, who had the larger one in his arms and a smug grin on his faceplate.

“I won,” Starscream said, still smirking. He laughed, pressing his prize into Soundwave’s upset expression. “Here, it’s for you too.”

“Rematch.”

“What.”

“Rematch!” Soundwave said, pointing at him, and his finials to the sky. “Starscream was cheating—he was shooting Soundwave’s targets on purpose to distract him!”

“No,” Starscream argued. “I was not…okay maybe I was trying to copy you…just a little, Soundwave.”

Soundwave pushed his faceplate into Starscream’s faceplate. “I want a rematch. No cheating! Copying! Anything! Now.”

“Okay, okay,” Starscream said, defeated. He almost fell back and onto his aft. “But take your prize first. I did want to win it for you.”

Soundwave said nothing, but snatched the alleged prize from Starscream. It was cute. He liked cute things, but he liked winning more.

“Soundwave superior,” he complained to Starscream, who nodded and handed the vendor two more coins, so they could play again.

Soundwave’s mood visibly increased after winning the second round, Starscream had been obliterated in terms of the score board, and as they walked off with his clean sweep of sheep shaped prizes, Soundwave could even see Starscream lagging behind him at a distance with a distinct pout on his faceplate.

“Happy now?” Starscream said. He continued to pout seeing Soundwave squeeze the stuffed sheep in his servos, probably thinking already of where to stuff them in their nest—either the one back on Earth or Vos.

“Yes,” Soundwave said, nodding. “But also, hungry…”

“You’re always hungry,” Starscream said, pulling Soundwave and his new acquired prizes into a hug. “I do know a place. You might like though.”

Soundwave narrowed his optics at Starscream, scanning his amused expression. But then his attention was stolen by a pair of fancily dressed Cybertronian’s who walked passed them. “How come we aren’t dressed like them?”

“Them?” Starscream said, puzzled. As he followed Soundwave’s gaze, he noticed a pair of seekers. Their frames decorated in fresh red and gold paint and gold jewelry. “Oh, that.”

Soundwave tilted his head. Starscream sounded nostalgic when saying that, but why was that? Was there something they had missed when performing their courtship? It was normal for new sparkmates to dress up and show the other off for the Great Migration, but they hadn’t done that part yet. Why?

“Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do too?” Soundwave said. His digits dig into the stuffed sheep, almost tearing it in too out of frustration. He had been excited to see Starscream dress in the same Vosian ceremonial paint and jewelry, he had seen once while still a gladiator in Kaon, but it had slipped his mind up until now. “How come we didn’t do that after becoming sparkmates.”

Starscream smirked and grabbed Soundwave’s cheeks to kiss him. “Because we got distracted by other things, my dear. Remember?”

Soundwave blushed and tried to escape, but after accepting that he couldn’t due to what he was holding, he put them away in his subspace. He began to laugh against Starscream’s servos, suddenly able to remember what they had done earlier in the art studio. “No,” he said, feigning pure ignorance. “Can’t recall. You’re lying.”

“I’ll make you remember later then,” Starscream said, watching the panic set in Soundwave’s optics. As he let go of Soundwave, he stared off into the crowd as if searching for something, and when he found it. He smiled before turning back to look at him. “Don’t worry about what everyone else is up to. We have all cyber-week to dress like that too, so let’s worry about getting you fed and seeing the stars later.”

“You keep promising, but not showing me,” Soundwave reminded. He scrunched his nose. Honestly, he had no clue what anyone meant by stars, it was hard to see stars on Cybertron due to its isolated nature, but on Earth it was nice. Yet when he had asked Thundercracker what stars he was supposed to see on Cybertron or where he would go to see them like Starscream and his carrier had promised him before, she insisted that he would understand soon and needed to wait for the Great Migration. She said he should also wait for Starscream to take him.

“It won’t happen for a while,” Starscream said. He grabbed Soundwave’s servo and pulled him forward, their digits intertwined as he did so. “Ready?”

“Ready,” Soundwave chirped.

But even with a hot meal and Starscream in front of him, helping him make it as he likes, Soundwave kept staring out at the Cybertronians who flooded the streets with their new status as sparkmates for all to see. Admittedly, he still felt a little jealous of them now despite Starscream’s words earlier about them having all the time to engage in those same practices, he understood why they adored such rituals. When he was younger, he used to believe those who were from Vos and in love were fools. Fools who practiced meaningless ideas and traditions. Fools who insisted that there was worth in walking around through material means—people from Vos were showy where he was not.

The epitome of people who he once thought, only knew how to indulge and never what it was like to struggle. And maybe that was true for those who could afford such a life, but when he first stepped out into the world and saw the horrors beyond his own life—he realized how twisted even Vos could be with its government.

Nowhere on Cybertron was a safe haven before the war erupted and the people believed that they could become outraged enough to change it. And if Thundercracker hadn’t met Starscream, if Starscream weren’t high enough in Vos to take her in, where would she have gone then? Would she have been another nameless fighter sent out to take on the rebellion as it rose and overturned Vos? Soundwave could feel his spark boil at the thought of her energon spilling. The consideration that he may have never have met her, or her smile.

“Do you want to go paint each other after this?” Starscream asked.

Like before his optics follow to where Soundwave is seemingly daydreaming, or staring at. His sullen gaze never leaving those who like them have become sparkmates. But the difference is unlike them, they have found the time to dress the part and walk around with it. He can tell from how Soundwave’s finials wriggle, the tapping of his digits, and the subtle crinkle in his nose—he feels left out right now, or he had made himself upset about something again. Thinking that his poor sparkmate must be gnawing on his own thoughts right now, Starscream sighs and reaches for Soundwave’s servo, bringing his attention back to him by nudging him.

“Do you want to go and paint each other after this?” Starscream repeated. “I have everything ready back in my art studio.”

“Starscream does?” Soundwave said, confused. Starscream’s words snap him from those tank churning thoughts, reminding him that those were all what ifs, and nothing else. He squinted at him. “How come he didn’t say that before we left?”

“You wanted to go and eat. Ran out before I could even mention it to you.”

“Oh.”

Starscream retracted his servo and waved it in the air. “Hurry up and eat then, or your food will get cold.” He laughed when Soundwave didn’t hesitate to take a spoon and stuff his faceplate with it. He was like a cursor before a harsh Cybertron winter hits.

⊹₊⟡⋆

“So, this is how you show off a successful courtship…?” Soundwave said. “It’s like this?”

The sink runs with hot oil, but his optics remain on the reflection that stares back at him. It’s his own, but despite knowing that he almost wants to doubts it. In the mirror, a plethora of meticulously painted red and gold symbols with swirls have finished drying on his frame, like morning dew drops on a window.

“Busy admiring yourself, aren’t we?” Starscream said, approaching Soundwave from behind to turn the sink off. He smiled, admiring the same symbols that line his frame, and match the same ones on Soundwave. “Is it everything you imagined, Soundwave? The final piece?”

Soundwave pressed his lips into a thin line and turned his gaze to the side, trying to ignore the smugness that radiated off of Starscream. “The Great Migration is noted to be one of the more romantic traditions celebrated on Cybertron. The tradition was established after the fall of the Wing Lord and a minor uprising occurred prior to the war. I have at least heard of it being developed and seen it while fighting in the pits of Kaon. According to one of my old friends Routledge from when I last met him, aside from the showiness of it all, it brings in large crowds from neighboring colonies and planets, so it’s rather good for the economy these days.” 

“Sometimes I forget how much of a little book worm you are,” Starscream said. “It’s still surprising.”

“Why, would that be surprising?” Soundwave said. “We’ve known each other too long for there to be anymore suprises…unless you’re sparked again.”

“You never seemed interested in Vosian history before,” Starscream answered, pointedly. He watched as Soundwave picked up a tube of black lipstick and started to apply it on his lips. “Not until now at least.”

“What? I did some research after you mentioned it to me…” Soundwave paused and brought a servo to his temple, attempting to search for something in his power banks. “…182910 stellar cycles ago. Actually, Starscream has complained about it more than a few times, but rarely did he ever explain the Great Migration in full detail.”

Starscream held back a laugh. Soundwave had a rather owlish look to him right now as he spoke of their past. He looked earnest as well, it was cute. “Ha, well you never cared for it either. It was something our communications officer thought was meaningless. Did you not say that to me before?”

“Soundwave did… I may have.”

“You always used to keep to yourself and never spoke much. You were always lost in your history books too whenever I asked you to have lunch with me, or to come out with Thundercracker and me,” Starscream said. “It was like trying pulling out someone’s teeth to get you to come out when you were invested in reading things.”

“I like reading,” Soundwave said, pouting. “I read a lot in my free time. You just don’t pay attention, nose always stuck in that lab of yours.”

“I know,” Starscream said, kissing Soundwave’s neck then cheek. “And I love that about you.”

“Mm…” Soundwave said, closing his optics occasionally. Something shiny caught his attention after, and as he reached to grab it, Starscream reached to stop him. “What’s this?”

“Not yet,” Starscream said, frowning. “I—I mean you can’t see what it is yet, Soundwave.”

“Not allowed?” Soundwave said. He stared at Starscream and thought what he said was rather strange. “Starscream knows how Soundwave feels about people hiding things from him... Megatron, Ravage, even his own carrier did enough of that. He’s tired of it by now, Starscream. Tell me or I’ll read your mind.”

“Naturally,” Starscream said. His optics soften when looking down at Soundwave, his cheek is turned to the side, lips downturned, and finials bent until they reach his chin. “But I wanted to surprise you with it later. No need to read my mind for the answer, my dear.”

“Surprise?” Soundwave whispered. His voice becomes a little lighter, hearing that. “It’s a surprise for me? Me?”

Looking at the twinkle in Soundwave’s optics makes Starscream melt and he starts to pull something out; it’s pink and shiny. “It’s the gift my carrier left for me to find one day.”

“You found it? When,” Soundwave asked, curious. It’s his first-time seeing jewelry like this so up-close and in the palm of his servo, but Starscream motions to close it, his servos press Soundwave’s digits around it like a clam hides a precious pearl. “What is it?”

“It’s your ring,” Starscream said. He smiled as Soundwave looked up at him with an elated glower of confusion.

“A ring?”

“Yes, here let me help you put it on.”

Soundwave bit his bottom lip out of nervousness while Starscream took his servo and slid the ring on one of his digits. As he admired the ring on his digit and twisted, Soundwave didn’t know what to say at first. His mind cycled through all types of potential scenarios, sentences, and words, but he couldn’t decide on what he was supposed to say to Starscream. Other than if it was all a dream, or a semblance of reality. Because he had never thought it would be possible for him one day to have something so pretty like this on his servo, and when he glances up to see Starscream giving him a playful expression. His mouth goes dry.

“This isn’t a dream, right?” Soundwave asked, faintly. It’s all he can manage now when struck by such a grin, it makes him lose his train of thought, barely caught up in staring up at Starscream, all because he doesn’t want to look away. “I’m not dreaming?”

“No,” Starscream answered, holding Soundwave closer, to kiss him. “You’re not dreaming, you’re right where you belong.”

“The bathroom?” Soundwave joked. “I belong here? Amazing work, Starscream.”

“Could always be the nest instead. Maybe the floor,” Starscream retorted. He laughed when Soundwave moved to shove him out of the bathroom and they continued to hold onto each other, lips pressed against one another, their digits intertwined until they were in the comfort of laying their nest again. “We’re going to be late...”

Soundwave ignored Starscream and continue to move all around to kiss him, lips pressed to: his neck, canopy, hips. “We don’t have extra time?”

“You’re such a little owl. No, little devil,” Starscream said, chuckling. He reached to touch Soundwave’s helm and rub his lips. “Haven’t you eaten enough of me tonight?”

“No,” Soundwave said, sticking his glossa out, and stared at Starscream’s lower paneling. “Not enough, just barely…I’m never satisfied.”

Starscream leaned his head back, servo to his faceplate, through his digits he could see Soundwave twinkle his optics at him again, as if to ask for another taste of him. He noticed the little wriggle in Soundwave’s hips as well, and faked a heavy sigh before allowing his spike to pressurize.

“Go ahead then, Soundwave.”

Soundwave presses his servos onto Starscream’s inner thighs, the flat of his glossa crudely rubbing against the head of Starscream’s spike. A pleasurable moan falls out of Starscream’s lips, causing Soundwave to continue his onslaught of torture, rubbing his glossa against what’s in front of him without issue.

“It tastes sweet,” Soundwave said, still licking. He can barely see Starscream’s faceplate from this angle, but from what he can see is the slow and shaky intake of his canopy and chassis with each lick. “I like it.”

“You—you and sweets,” Starscream said, shuddering. He digs into the edge of the nest, hell bent on ignoring the need in his wiring to grab a hold of Soundwave’s finials and shove the rest of his spike into Soundwave’s mouth. But the jet fuel from Soundwave and his trans fluids gradually continue to mix and create a mess of sorts. “I know it’s redundant to ask now, but are you always this hungry, Soundwave?”

Soundwave lifts his optics to look at Starscream’s fevering expression. Through beads of coolant leaks from the corner of his faceplate, Starscream can barely look back at Soundwave as he throws his head back, enduring another upsurge of extreme pleasurable torture. His spike is barely down Soundwave’s throat, only the tip.

Seeing Starscream like this causes Soundwave to almost choke, but it also drives him to continue without mercy. He enjoys being the only one with the security and permission to make Starscream like this. Leave him like this if he wishes.

From time to time, Soundwave sees Starscream tightly grab onto his finials, but then quickly let go for fear of hurting him whenever there is even a squeak or shift in his shoulders. Starscream wants to speed the process up, but he also refuses to rush Soundwave for his own pleasure, so he lays there accepting his fate despite wishing to be smothered with Soundwave’s tight, warm valve.

Soundwave’s after some time, manages to take in the rest of Starscream’s spike. His finials twitch to the side as if proud of such a simple action, yet he can’t help it. His sensors tingle with each gentle grab and drag of Starscream’s digits across his helm and finials.

“Starscream can be rough,” Soundwave said, after a while. “He can be rough with me, if he wants to. It’s okay.”

“You sure?” Starscream panted. He raised his head to look at Soundwave, lipstick covered lips enveloped around the base of his spike, finials fidgeting like no tomorrow, thighs spread out on the floor, aft in the air. “Ha… who am I kidding, you definitely are.” 

Soundwave almost blue screened when the back of his throat was struck with Starscream’s spike. Starscream grabbed his finials and pulled them forward with lightening quick speed, forcing him to take the rest of him in, and take it in at full length.

Occasionally, Starscream would loosen the tight grip he had on Soundwave’s finials, abandoning the decision to borrow them like handle bars and massage them instead until they flopped to the side, causing Soundwave to shake a little out of pleasure and go like jelly.

The overwhelming sensation of such gentleness after the sudden assault of his finials made him nearly boil over, and his valve twitch out of need. He wanted Starscream to stop teasing him and fill him instead, he was close to begging for it.

“I’m close…” Starscream said, grunting. “Soundwave…”

Soundwave shut his optics and continued to bob his head up and down, disoriented by the act of pleasuring Starscream. He can barely make out what was said to him until something glossy, sweet, and sticky hit the back of his throat and he pulled off of Starscream’s spike.

“Oops,” Soundwave said, panting. He licked up the remaining pink trans fluid around his mouth and Starscream’s spike, ignoring the mortified glare that was shot his way, busy enjoying the sweetness that lingered on his glossa and throat. “That was fun.”

“Yeah…felt…good… your turn now,” Starscream said, rubbing his faceplate. The glow of his blue optics, exposing his plangent desire.  “Come here then, my dear.”

Soundwave obeyed and crawled into the nest. He stared at Starscream, unsure what to do at first until he was guided to lay on his back and spread his thighs. “Like this?”

“Yeah, just like that,” Starscream said, smirking. He grabbed on of Soundwave’s thighs, to kiss and bite at it. A smile appeared on his faceplate when Soundwave’s thighs almost closed on him. “Oops.”

“Hurry up,” Soundwave commanded. He propped himself up on his elbows to stare at Starscream and relaxed his legs. He pushed the back of Starscream’s head down until it was near his valve. “Hurry and please me like it’s your job.”

“Yes, my dear,” Starscream said. He blew on Soundwave’s valve before licking it with his glossa in one single sweeping motion. The combination of cold air and glossa causes Soundwave to writhe and squirm to the side.

However, Starscream continues to lap at Soundwave’s valve at a steady pace while Soundwave barely endures his constant movements, and tries to maneuver himself for a better view, but all he can see is the smirk on Starscream’s lips, and the quiver in his own servos.

“Unfair,” Soundwave whimpered. “Starscream is being unfair... Right now… Why’s he so good at this? I can’t…”

“I’ve done this more than you and to you. Nothing wrong with it, Soundwave. Sit hurry up and sit back so I can return the favor from earlier.”

“No, something is,” Soundwave said. He gasped when Starscream pressed his glossa deeper inside and grabbed his waist, to pull him down. “I can’t compete like this.”

“It’s not really a competition though,” Starscream said, still greedily licking Soundwave’s valve. “But if it were you’re winning.”

“Soundwave is?” he said, blushing. It felt like another jolt of electricity had struck him when one of Starscream’s servos reached over to open the door to his tape deck, exposing it to the cold air, and he let out another moan, succumbing to the desperation in his systems to be pleasured. “Keep going… Please…”

“Yeah, you’re driving me crazy,” Starscream said. He pulled away for a minute to lick his lips and take a few deep intakes before staring at Soundwave, who continued to blink at him, finials drooping.

Soundwave’s servos moved to tug on the back of Starscream’s helm, digits pressing into it to pleade with as much strength as he could muster through his hoarse voice. “Don’t bully me, Ulchtar. Finish.

“Okay,” Starscream said. As brought his lips closer to his Soundwave’s valve, he started to lick at it, dragging the flat of his glossa through the slit of it before sucking on the node and putting his whole mouth on his valve for a second. He was persistent in repeating this concise manner of pleasure until Soundwave began to buck his hips and grabbed onto his helm for more, edging him to the brink of overloading.

On the outside although jours have passed and the natural light that passes through Vos has faded, there are still people partying and playing music for the Great Migration under vibrant lights, and the vibration and rhythm of the festivities almost drive Soundwave mad when combined with Starscream’s provocative glossa.

His processors unable to focus on anything, let alone translate what’s going on right now before him. He’s distracted by the lust-filled moans that bounce off of the walls of the empty studio that come from his own mouth, almost frightened that they do, before such thoughts are swept away by the tender sweet kisses that grace his inner thighs. He feels loved.

Soundwave’s thighs shake once more and the cold servo that opened the door his tape deck earlier reaches inside to grab at his internal wiring. Starscream’s digits start to: twirl the wire, tug at the wire, maneuver the wire, all of it causing him indescribable bliss. It’s almost too much to bear. He’s is reduced to writing and moaning without care for how he must look or sound in front of Starscream, he wants to be eaten until his threshold has been hit and maxed.

“Ah, Ulchtar. Don’t stop. Keep going, just like that. Yes—!” Soundwave said. His frame shook.

“As you wish,” Starscream said, smiling.

Soundwave moaned feeling his limit was finally being reached. Pink trans fluids leak from his valve, coating his thighs and Starscream, it splashes around the nest.

“I’m going to have to clean you and the nest again…” Starscream said. He pulled away from Soundwave and looked up to meet his optics. “What’s wrong?”

“I made another mess for you to clean up…that’s not good,” Soundwave said, groaning. “It’s embarrassing. Not superior of me…” He started to pant and remained in a trance like state of confusion, nearing the brink of tears, his lips quivering. “Augh.”

Starscream climbed on top of Soundwave and grabbed his cheeks. “Hey, Soundwave look at me,” he said. “Do I look upset?”

Still in a trance, Soundwave reluctantly shook his head. The heat of his overload lingering in his systems and his fans clocked in to cool off the steam that came out of his tape deck. “No you…look happy right now.

“Because I am,” Starscream said. Shifting his position on to of Soundwave slightly, he pressed their foreheads together. “I’m so happy right now to even have to do any of this.”

Soundwave stared at Starscream. He stared at the hearts that filled Starscream’s optics and smiled. “Passable.”

“Passable?” Starscream questioned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Your performance today was passable,” Soundwave said, pursing his lips. He smiled when a look of shock appeared all over Starscream’s faceplate before it twisted into a look of amusement.

“If it was so ‘passable’ then we can work on it later,” Starscream said.

“Later?” Soundwave said. “Why not now then?”

“Because then we’re going to miss looking at the stars like I promised you.”

⊹₊⟡⋆

The sky is almost empty and pitch black, if not for the small glimmer of lights that are peeking through it all.  Soundwave stares out at the ring on his digit, still memorized by how it looks. In the light of the bathroom, the shock of receiving it had stopped him from taking in its details. But it’s in the shape of a flower, the petals are sharp towards the edge, and it glistens under the lights of his optics. He loves it, without even trying, he falls for how it fits and sits on his metal.

Silently, he brings it to the center of his tape deck, and thanks Starscream’s carrier again for this precious gift. He would have to express his verbal thanks as well the next time, he visited her grave with Starscream, who said it would be possible later in the cycle, after the Great Migration passed. They would go together some time again once that happened. Soundwave looked around and sighed. Starscream had said he would be back for him soon, he had to fetch something important, yet all Soundwave could think of now was Starscream and his carrier.

Who she was depicted as from Starscream’s pool of memories—and her grave—she had already been informed of their union, their plans for it, moons before the Great Migration, after their rites under Kaon laws had been enacted, and Soundwave wondered if she would have approved of him. He only knows who she was from how Starscream saw her, like how he only knows of his carrier. They remember the little things about them. They can only look back on that and sit on it.

Soundwave knows his own carrier had already approved of his union with Starscream when she visited him once, but he contemplates if Starscream’s carrier did as well. He contemplates if she thought Soundwave was worthy of her only and stubborn sparkling. If she was accepting of their turbulent relationship from start to finish—from start to now. Most carriers would not be. They would want their sparkling to have someone who adored them from the beginning, not fought and swore until the end, blaming it on a turbulent upbringing before claiming it was all love.

“You’re thinking too much again,” Starscream said, breaking Soundwave from his thoughts. “What are you thinking about now, my dear? Is it about how attractive your beloved sparkmate it? Because if so, you can stop now.”

Soundwave stomped his pede and stormed over to hug Starscream and grabbed his hips. “…Thinking about your carrier.”

“Her? Why?” Starscream said, confused. “What does she have to do with what’s going on right now.”

“Because she loved Starscream…but would she love…me? The idea of me with Starscream forever,” Soundwave mused. “I don’t think she would, if she knew what I said to you, multiple times.”

“Don’t be silly,” Starscream insisted. He cupped Soundwave’s chin. “You saw my memories of her, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Soundwave said.

“Then you know my carrier. She was stubborn, she was as strong as they come, but she knew how to appreciate people. She always told me I’d be lucky to find someone willing to put up with me,” Starscream said, laughing. “She also told me if I ever found someone like that, to not let them go. To hold them. Beg them. Hold on. Do you get what I mean, Soundwave? She would’ve loved to meet you. She would’ve told me to go after you even if only from afar. Try one more time to impress you and bring you home to her.”

Soundwave joined Starscream in laughing. He dipped his head and smiled at him. “Yes, yes, I do. Starscream should do more of what his carrier would’ve wanted of him. He should romance me more.”

“Always,” Starscream said.  I don’t plan on stopping because so long as you’re by my side, I have no were to go, and neither do you. You are all I need.”

“But the stars,” Soundwave teased. “So much talk of them, but Starscream has yet to deliver them like he’s been promising me.”

“Ha,” Starscream said. He pointed to the sky. “Look up.”

Soundwave followed where Starscream was pointed and his intake almost gave out. The sky that was once empty had started to become full of what Soundwave could only describe to look like picturesque and bright stars. They floated around and appeared before him, rising through the fields of towers, buildings, and grassy hills of Vos. Slowly. Steadily. Streamlined.

“They’re beautiful,” Soundwave said, amazed. But as he looks over at Starscream, he sees something in his servos. “What’s that?”

“A star,” Starscream said, smiling. He puts the alleged “star” in Soundwave’s servos, watching as his sparkmate holds it close to his mask, confused by the shape of the object, it’s pointed all over, but glowed from the inside.

“This is…a star?” Soundwave said, lost. “It looks different than I expected.”

“You said your carrier was from Vos, right?” Starscream said. “When you told me that and I remembered how she promised to show you the stars one day… I realized she must have meant this.”

“This?”

“This is what we in Vos call in a “star” they’re made from flowers that have been shredded into thin strands and strengthen with metals from the ground until they’re malleable enough to form the shape of a star. Then they’re filled with helium and painted on the inside to represent the light and hope of a budding spark.”

“But what’s it for?” Soundwave asked. He could understand the logistics of it, but not the exact purpose. Not even the books he read about Vos’s old culture and its habits had mentioned the use of “stars” so why was this called one by his carrier?

“They’re also called flower lamps in Vos.”

That was a word Soundwave knew and recognized. He had read about these, the people of Vos believed if one blossomed then it would represent an everlasting love. “But aren’t these supposed to open upon being given?"

“Give it some time,” Starscream suggested, gently. He kissed the edge of Soundwave’s finials. “There is no need to rush. They’re meant to open but they’re also meant to represent the love you feel for someone, it stems from the age-old belief that they will always find their way home back to you. No matter where they are, so long as it is in the sky and lit for them. Maybe that’s why your carrier wanted you to see the stars one day with her, to learn of where you are also from, and what the love she has for you to be seen and remembered for vorns to come, so long as you look at the stars.”

Soundwave leaned his head onto Starscream’s shoulder. As he rotated the yellow star in front of him it began to crack open and expose its inner petals to him, it felt so light and fragile, yet it floats ever so faintly when he lets go of it, snatching it back before it does.

A delicate jingle playing from it for them that translated from Vosian into: “You who I watch before I recharge, you who my world revolves around, the delicate heaven that I see to every morning. The softness that fills my spark, why must you be the one who either destroys or completes me? Like the star and moon do?”

Soundwave’s shoulders began to shake and he removed his mask to look up at Starscream. “I remember this…you said this to me once…after I forced my way in to repair your hip. You injured it trying to save me in a fight.”

“I don’t regret it,” Starscream said. “I’d do it all over again in a sparkbeat, Soundwave.”

Soundwave looked at him in disbelief. He still recalled that fatal day. The Autobots were closing in on them and they had to change their tactics or risk capture, so Starscream told his seekers to fall back, but he was still in the mist of fighting Arcee and would have lost if Starscream didn’t step in to help save him. But it was at the cost of injuring his hip. And due to their lack of materials and tools on Earth, there was little they could do for it for rest of the war and after it had ended, even going back to Cybertron left little options to fixing it completely, just enough to stop it from locking on him like it used to.

“I never did properly thank you for saving me back then,” Soundwave said. He extended his servo forward to touch Starscream’s hip. “The most I ever did was repair you, but we fought through all of it…you passed out from the pain.”

“Having loved and lost enough people, I used to believe…that whatever affection I could get from you would be all I could have before you realized that there was someone who could love you better than I ever could,” Starscream admitted. He touched the flower lantern in Soundwave’s servos, watching as it started to soar off into the atmosphere. “And then…”

“And then what,” Soundwave said, about to shout. “What?”

“And when you left me on Earth with everyone for Cybertron… I was mad, but then I was realized it was a good thing,” Starscream said.

“A good thing…?” Soundwave mused. “Why is that?”

“Yes, a good thing. Because then that meant one day you find someone who loved you more than I ever could and then you’d no longer have to deal with my madness, or worry about me again. I thought you’d be happier and thanked Primus…of all beings…for finally giving you a chance to have what you deserve. Afterall, I wasn’t much back then. I was coward and too much to handle. Even now, I’m surprised you actually want me.”

“You’re not a coward,” Soundwave said. He grabbed Starscream’s cheeks and stared into his optics. “You’re not too much to handle back then either, you were hurting, and I—I failed to notice that. I walked away first…”

“You did what you had to do,” Starscream said, tenderly. He pulled Soundwave closer by his waist, leaning in to kiss his tears and rub his back. “You did exactly what you needed to do back then. I was the one who continued to push you away first after moons of fighting, Soundwave.”

“I know, but...” Soundwave hiccupped. “I left Soundwave and our sparkling behind without even knowing. I fought with Starscream again when he called, I’m not innocent either, so—” 

He stopped seeing the smile that grew on Starscream’s faceplate, the gentle digits that continue to sweep his tears away, and hold him close.

“It’s okay,” Starscream said, kissing him. “It’s all in the past now, no need to stir it back up again like this, or hold regrets of what we could’ve changed. You and our growing family is all I need now.”

Soundwave struggled to say anything through his tears, and kisses that continued to rain down and onto his lips. The most he could muster was a simple, “Yes, it’s enough. More than enough, it’s perfect.”

While standing there, Starscream pulls away and hugs him, he hugs him tighter than he’s ever held him before. Coolant on his cheeks like stain of paint. His arms wrapped like a flower bud before its ready to bloom.

“Ah, I feel bad now for showing up like this,” an approaching voice says. “Should we go back, boys?”

“No, the aura here is good. It’s romantic, the colors of it too. We should stay to give our congratulations, or else it’d be rude,” someone replies.

“Keep talking like that and I’m going to hit you for blabbing nonsense,” another says, angrily.

Starscream whips his head towards the direction of the invading third party that joins him and Soundwave, prepared to yell at them for ruining the moment, but stops himself when he recognizes who has arrived. His old friends: Slipstream, Sunstorm, Acid Storm.

Oh, it’s just you,” Starscream said, bitterly. He shot the three seekers a glare while they laughed and waved at him. Soundwave peeked out from Starscream’s shoulder and waved back.

“Hi,” Soundwave said, embarrassed. He coughed and tried to wriggle out of Starscream’s arms to greet them, but was stopped and pulled by his waist.

“You can always leave if it’s disturbing to witness me be happy like this,” Starscream said, frowning. “We were in the middle of having a moment as well. Thank you!”

“Oh no,” Slipstream said, feigning embarrassment by bringing a servo to her mouth. She then looked at Sunstorm and Acid Storm, who laughed at her display of shyness. “And here I came to give you something as a congratulations on your courtship being successful. It’s cake.”

“Cake?” Soundwave said, shoving Starscream fully to the side, to see what had been made. He ran over excited, to see the nicely decorated cake in question, he liked the colors and lettering on it. It said: Congratulations on your courtship. “Thank you, Slipstream.”

“Your welcome,” Slipstream said. “Oh, and don’t worry. I already gave Skywarp a long lecture about the Great Migration, she won’t try anything with Frenzy this cycle, or for the next few.” She laughed. “I know they’ve been together for a while, but it’s better to take things slow before accepting a sparkmate.”

Soundwave nodded. A few nights before the Great Migration, he asked Frenzy if she knew anything of it, and when she said no, he and Starscream gave her a minor lecture. But if it stuck, he didn’t know, and if Skywarp had any plans, she never expressed it. Seemed he had nothing to worry of like Thundercracker, who already promised to not do anything drastic with Jetfire, and said they would keep things simple for a while.

“There are forks inside the box by the way,” Acid Storm said. “On the side.” He threw an arm around Starscream, knuckles vigorously rubbing against the top of his helm until it turned red and burned. “And you—I never knew you were such a romantic talker! Isn’t he such a loser for that, Sunstorm?”

“Hey—!” Starscream yelled. “At least I’m not the idiot who ruined his first attempt to court someone during a Great Migration. Remember what you made for Slipstream? Made her something that said you wanted her to die on accident! Instead of “please marry me” you told her to “please die” and she beat your aft in front of the whole school!”

“Shut up!” Acid Storm exclaimed. “Heym Sunstorm help me out here, don’t ignore me! This guy is nuts, dragging something that’s at least 1181910 cycles old out of the cog works.”

Sunstorm, however, continued to remain behind Slipstream, who was explaining to Soundwave what the cake was made of, and ignored Acid Storm even further by turning his cheek and wing to the side. “The fates say not to aid you in such meaningless endeavors…it’ll ruin the vibe. You should’ve known this type of encounter would fail you.”

Starscream burst into laughter and pointed at Acid Storm, who glared. “The—fates. Oh, my Primus. This is gold. He’s nuts and he’s attached to you!”

By the time Soundwave looked up to check on Starscream, and see what was going on, he saw Starscream on the ground with Acid Storm, the two of them wrestling and slinging all sorts of insults at one another while Sunstorm supervised and added occasional commentary. But if he was helpful was hard for Soundwave to tell. It all sounded like religious nonsense to him for the most part.

Slipstream rolled her optics. “Leave them, they’re all a bunch of idiots. Idiots since the day I met em. All three of em.”

“They are…interesting for sure,” Soundwave said, blinking. “The cakes good though, Slipstream. Do you happen to have more or a recipe?”

“Yeah,” Slipstream said, laughing. “There’s more at my place, we’re going to have a party for you guys and the kids, so they don’t feel too left out with their girlfriends. Come on.”

Soundwave’s optics lit up when he heard there would be more food, but stopped to look at Starscream. “Hurry up,” he said. “I want to eat more of Slipstream’s food.”

“Coming,” Starscream managed, kicking Acid Storm to the side, to follow behind Soundwave. “Like I said, he’s an idiot.”

Soundwave smiled and took Starscream’s servo. “Everyone is an idiot to Starscream.”

“No,” Starscream protested. “Soundwave and my sparklings aren’t…at least I hope our sparklings aren’t.”

⊹₊⟡⋆

Soundwave almost fell into instant recharge when he saw his clean and fluffed up nest, and he would’ve if his egg hadn’t been returned to him by Thundercracker and Jetfire, the two girls still smiling and giddy at each other as they did. After checking to make sure the flight crown he and his sparkling had been wearing have long been taken off and set to the side for safety—as to not accidentally roll or dent anything while recharging, he relaxed into his nest even further.

“Did egg babies have fun while out and away from their creators?” Soundwave asked them. There was a loud squeak in response. “That’s good, your sire and I had fun too. But we missed you two most of all.”

“Talking to them all by yourself again,” Starscream teased. "Maybe they’re both trying to recharge."

“Someone has to talk to them even if they’re both in recharge though,” Soundwave said, pulling his egg closer to his tape deck. He shifted to the side for Starscream. “You barely speak to our egg babies! Day or night.”

“We have our moments,” Starscream answered, boldly.

“When? How come I never knew about this,” Soundwave said, confused.

“When you’re not looking,” Starscream said, pulling his servos over Soundwave’s hips. “We like to talk about you too.”

Soundwave raised an optic brow and looked at his egg, who rolled to be hugged and kissed by Starscream. “Do you? How could you.”

“Maybe I’ll talk more to the next egg,” Starscream said, yawning. “It’ll be easier by then.”

“The next egg?” Soundwave said, grinning. He pecked Starscream on the lips. “I like the sound of that. When is that?”

“Let’s plan the wedding first. Do you have anything in mind you want there like an absolute must have?” Starscream said, smiling.

Soundwave brought up a servo and started to drop his digits one by one as he spoke. “I want food, sweets, cake, his family, Starscream.”

“That’s such a short list, I thought it’d be longer, given your large appetite,” Starscream said.

“I’ll think of more later,” Soundwave said, snuggling into Starscream’s arms. “Hey, that’s strange. Night egg baby stopped moving all the sudden. She was just getting comfortable.”

“Huh,” Starscream said, confused as well. He watched as Soundwave pulled back to stare at their egg, inspecting every crevice of her round shell. “Maybe she fell asleep, it’s late.”

“No, our night egg baby is usually up by this time of day. She barely sleeps when dark,” Soundwave said, half tempted to knock on his egg. “She never misses a chance to stay up with us too. Wait.”

“What?”

“There’s a large crack in the shell. Is that normal?”

Starscream shot up to look. “What! Let me see.”

Soundwave got up and stared at Starscream with a frown. “The shell has a crack! Wait, the shell is cracking even more now. Does that mean the sparklings are ready to hatch?”

“I don’t know,” Starscream said. “First Aid said they wasn’t supposed to hatch for another five cyberweeks or so…but he also said they could hatch earlier and if so to just stay calm.”

“Soundwave is calm. He’s calm. So calm. Calm like a metal razor clam!”

How is that calm, Starscream thought, before he bit his glossa. That was the only thing he could think doing to stop himself from speaking up when he had saw how badly Soundwave was shaking while holding their egg. Soundwave, who looked beyond nervous to witness both of their hatchlings inevitable appearance, blue finials flapping everywhere, amber optics shifting all over while he continued to claim he was not nervous.

“Ahem, well then let’s just put the egg down and let them do their thing… I’m sure they know what they’re doing.” Starscream let out a nervous laugh. He rubbed the back of his helm, wings flapping. He really didn’t know what to expect since this was earlier than expected.

“Okay. Yeah,” Soundwave managed to muster out before clinging onto Starscream for comfort. The both of them nervously watching on as the crack in front of them started to grow increasingly bigger. “Should we help?”

“No,” Starscream said, chewing on his lips. “Ratchet said, they should be able to break out of their shell on their own. It’s good for their future development.”

“But they’re coming so much earlier than expected!” Soundwave exclaimed. “What if they can’t do it…it’s only one awake at this time, not both trying to break out. Just one.”

“Then we’ll help if that’s the case, Ratchet never said we can’t just not to do it too early,” Starscream said, trying to sooth Soundwave by holding him tight. “It’ll be fine. Look, there’s a new crack in the shell now. Just a little more and she'll be out all on her own. We’ll even be able fetch the other right after.”

Feeling helpless Soundwave continued to chant for his sparkling to keep cracking her shell open, each little pip and squeak giving his spark a run for its shanix as he was held back from helping as the cries growing louder and louder by Starscream. Each crack and sudden rip until finally pieces of the shell fell into the nest and a still tiny, but much louder chirp could be heard in the air.

Soundwave let out a sigh of relief, something he didn’t even realize he had been holding in until now, Starscream too. Gradually, Starscream moved to push some of the broken and punctured shell bits to the side and called for someone to respond, and when it sounded like someone did, he looked at Soundwave with a warm smile.

“Look, Soundwave” he said. “Someone’s already awake and ready to greet us. It’s our faithful little night egg baby. Well, she’s no longer an egg now, is she?”

Soundwave pressed his servos together and leaned in to get a better look, his intake stolen when he saw something breaking through the top of their shell. Closed squinted optics and floppy black finials, trying to sense who was in front of her right now.

When Soundwave saw how much this first sparkling took after him, his spark almost melted at the sight of her. Even more when he saw her do her first intake. She was so full of life while booting up to come online for the first time in front of him.

She even chirped at him but fell forward, nearly overflowing down into tears, only stopping when Soundwave bent down to scoop her and kiss her cheeks. She’s so tiny, Soundwave noticed. Far tinier than Thundercracker was when she hatched, slowly he grew worried, but then he saw Starscream’s optics go wide as he inspected their hatchling’s shell and pulled out another sparkling soon peeped at them and her sister.

“So, this is who was keeping me up during the day and hanging with you every morning like clockwork,” Starscream murmured at the tiny orange colored sparkling in front of him, her wings still wet and folded around her frame. He hoped they would be dry by morning. He could feel her little intakes against his servos. “Hello, little one. Welcome to our family. We’ve been waiting for so long to meet you and your sister. Soundwave...?”

Starscream stared at Soundwave, but he was too focused on the black colored hatchling in his palms, she was barely small enough to be seen in servos, but big enough to lay in his palm. Her and her sister both were when he compared them to his power banks of standard sparkling sizes, they were rather scrawny.

“Why are they so small?” Soundwave said, inaudibly. “Did I do that? Am I the reason my egg babies came out so small and hatched so early? They’re not talking either right now. Thundercracker was small, but not this small…she even talked when she first hatched…She said her first words to Starscream, eagerly.”

“Thundercracker was a strange hatchling,” Starscream said. He placed their other hatchling in Soundwave’s palms, allowing her to cuddle with her sister. “Not in a bad way, but when I got her checked over, they said, she only spoke so much because her carrier did when she was still an egg. Sometimes hatchlings develop like that, but it’s always temporary. All hatchlings start unable to fully vocalize their voice box like this, Soundwave. Even Thundercracker became quiet until she was a little older.”

“They do?”

Starscream nodded. “They do, they’re supposed to be a little quiet when they first hatch and come online. It’s normal, I promise… and as for their size. It’s a given with how early they came—but before you panic. They’re twins, twins tend to hatch early and come small, but that doesn’t mean they’ll grow small, or be any different from any other sparkling. Look how round they are, that means they’re healthy. And once they can turn their optic lights on, they should be able to speak a little more.”

“Okay, I believe you,” Soundwave said, bringing the hatchling on his servos closer to his optics, admiring the roundness of their cheeks. He smiled, realizing that Starscream was right, all those books they read together about sparklings suggested that the roundness, the plumpness of a sparkling spoke to their general care. It meant they were well protected and given more than enough to grow healthy.

“They look so much like you,” Starscream said, snorting. “Did my genes not even make it? It’s like you cloned yourself.”

“Soundwave is superior that’s why his egg babies came out like this.”

“Superior indeed, but now we have to figure out who is who,” Starscream said. He finally felt relaxed enough to clean up the nest while Soundwave began to rub the fluid off of their hatchlings tiny frames, documenting every little sleepy nuzzle, yawn, or chirp.

“The one without wings is the most active,” Soundwave said. He raised his head to see Starscream carry in more blankets, dropping them into the nest before climbing back inside. “Her sister is still deep in recharge even when I blow on her…she refuses to do anything, but recharge.”

“Yeah, I’m thinking the one awake right now is Soundblaster,” Starscream said. He brought a servo to his chin and rubbed it. “It’s still dark outside.”

“Must be,” Soundwave remarked. Day or night on Earth, his sparkling would be active, or at the very least up to something. After realizing that he looked at Starscream. “Soundblaster was always so loud and active at night. Then the other one must be Sundor. She looks like the sun with her colors. It’s cute, how they match their names, so far.”

“Indeed,” Starscream said. He rubbed the top of Soundblaster’s helm, admiring her little annoyed chirps, but became startled when she rolled over to glare at him despite her scrunched and wrinkled faceplate. “It’s funny how much they looks just like you…the resemblance is uncanny, Soundwave.”

“No,” Soundwave objected, but stopped when he saw Starscream giggle at him.

“You say that, but you’re making the same face as Soundblaster over there. Sundor must be too, I just can’t prove it yet,” Starscream said, shaking his head. “It’s funny.”

“Soundblaster has Starscream’s nose,” Soundwave noticed, poking it gently until Soundblaster sneezed. “Maybe she has his optics. Sundor clearly has his wings, not sure of her optics though.”

“That’d be cute, but I’d want Soundblaster to have your optics, Soundwave. Sundor too.”

Soundwave pressed his cheek to Starscream’s canopy, his optics never leaving their hatchlings, adoring how they fit together like matching pieces of a puzzle, comfortable like elegant little dancers on a stage of their own. Someone he dreamed of meeting since learning they were going to be his and wanted him around. He still wonders if he’s dreaming in in these moments but knows he’s not. Not when he can see where they take after him, their finials, faceplates, expressions. These are his hatchlings, no one else’s. He helped to sire them, talk to them, watch them hatch.

“Mm. That’s be nice too…” Soundwave said eventually.

“Hey, Soundwave.”

“Yeah?” Soundwave replied. He looked up to see Starscream, and as it turned out, he had been smiling at him the entire time as if the sight in front of him were picture-perfect and what he deserved in the end. “What?”

“I love you,” Starscream said, tenderly. He repeated it when Soundwave froze and blinked at him like a lost cyber-deer on the surface before blushing and leaning forward to close the gap between them. “I love you, Soundwave.”

“I love you too,” Soundwave said. “I love you with all my spark, Starscream.”

Notes:

Sometimes I can't believe I wrote this much, but I also wanted them to be happy.

Thank you for the support!

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 5 of Hatch That Egg, Baby!