Chapter Text
Try again, fail again, fail better. -Samuel Beckett
***
*Twenty-Five Days Ago*
“Wonderful.” Evan says. “If you all finish early then you can rejoin us and participate. Barty, I would like to speak to you for a moment before your crew leaves.”
Barty's spine goes rigid at the last minute comment Evan tacks on. People slowly move in two directions. A group heads over to Remus to receive their magical plant, and another group forms, awaiting on Barty to join them to clean the neighborhood.
He carefully walks over to Evan, gazing over his shoulder to make sure others won’t overhear the words about to be shared. Evan greets him with a warm smile, a front for the other humans because Barty can see the coldness in Evan’s eyes.
“What do you think that was?” Evan asks, his smile not matching the cut of his question.
“I was trying to make James and Regulus uncomfortable. Like you told me to?” Barty says, voice small with a twinge of fear. Evan looks displeased. Barty tries again, “It was the same plan you told me about yesterday.”
Evan presses a finger into Barty’s chest, and speaks through his teeth, “Do you not listen when I speak?” He bites out, “I specifically told you this morning that I changed my mind and I wanted Regulus to have to face the water. Instead you gave him a perfect opportunity to escape it. Do not forget who you work for, do not forget what the cost is of you failing.”
Barty recoils. He knows the costs, he knows what’s at stake. He's only been out of the dungeons for four days and with so much information being thrown at him and all of the pressure he's under, he had completely forgotten the conversation from this morning. He's already failing.
“I won’t let it happen again.” Barty says quickly. “I’ll make sure the clean up goes quick and we’ll be back in time for him to have to go through with it. We’ll pressure him by saying that there’s only a little bit of time left. It could still work. I'll make sure everything gets back on track.”
Evan scoffs, “Do not bother. I will forgive you this once since we are just starting out. If you let it happen again, I warn you, I will have no qualms about sending you back to those dungeons.”
Barty flinches, but nods his head, not trusting himself to speak on the matter any further. Evan may forgive him this time but there’s no guarantee that he will on the next. He has to stay vigilant. It’ll get easier with time but for now he heads over to the clean up crew as they make their trek back into the town square.
***
*Twenty-One Days Ago*
Barty turns around to find Gilderoy and Peter behind him. He feigns surprise and greets them like old friends. He knows what they could do to him in a locked room with a computer on the other side. He knows the kinds of pain and torment they can cause, but he smiles nonetheless.
Barty introduces the two newcomers to Regulus. They already know every detail about him, but Regulus doesn’t need to know that. Gilderoy asks to speak with Barty for a moment, and although he's aware what the conversation is going to be about, he still finds his heart beginning to beat faster. They pull off to the side behind a row of arcade games leaving Peter and Regulus behind.
“Where is James?” Gil asks, arms folded across his chest. “He was supposed to be here with you.”
Barty sighs, “I guess Evan had a change of plans and decided to take James away today instead of tomorrow.”
“The plan was-”
“Gil, I know what the plan was!” Barty hisses through his teeth, his voice is far too loud. He peaks around the corner and sees Peter talking to Regulus, and sighs knowing he’s in the clear for now. “I’m not going to overrule the boss here. If you have a problem with it, bring it up with Evan.”
The plan was that Barty was going to bring James and Regulus to the arcade together. Barty would then proceed to flirt with James very brazenly, causing James to become flustered and Regulus to panic. Without James here, a key part of that plan has been smashed to bits. Barty had already asked both the men if they wanted to go to the arcade before Evan showed up, and he couldn’t back down after the invitation had already been offered, it would have been suspicious.
He thought on his feet, and readjusted to trying to befriend Regulus. Later on down the line he’ll resume his flirtation with James under the guise of not getting along with Sirius. It will be awful for Sirius as he watches his soulmate slip away. It will be terrible for James as he becomes worried about spilling Regulus’ secret. Regulus will hate every moment of it. Evan had thought of everything when he originally laid out the plan, and the alterations shouldn’t be too bad.
Barty still feels wrong about all of this, even knowing what he’s getting out of it. Taking part in the torture of other humans by disguising himself as their friend isn’t right in any sense. In order to get by he’s begun to think about it as a game. He earns a point for every moment he makes one of the humans miserable, and once he earns enough points, Evan will look down proudly at him and deem that Barty has paid his dues. He will be free of his own torture. He’ll look back at all of this as a blip, a blink of an eye in an infinite amount of time.
Gilderoy doesn’t look like he’s ready to back down, but he concedes for now. Evan designed the neighborhood, created the parts they are to play and made all of the plans for psychological torture. Everyone else is simply a puppet for Evan to play with to make his humans suffer. This is the job Gilderoy signed up for, and the one Barty didn’t get any real say in.
With reluctance they call a momentary truce and return to Peter and Regulus. Although this neighborhood experiment is scheduled to go on for months or years, Barty worries about what an eternity of this will look like.
***
Regulus is trying to interrogate him. Barty can see the way Regulus is looking for cracks in his story, in who he is as a person. Regulus' biggest concern however seems to live in the fact that Barty grew up wealthy but doesn't act like it? That wasn't even part of the plan, that is genuinely who he is, and it irks him that the only authentic part of himself is under such scrutiny. On top of that, Regulus had to bring Barty's mum into the conversation. Out of all three humans, why is this the one he must befriend first?
“What did you do for work?” Regulus asks. The topic change is so sudden, Barty jerks back slightly. He has to choose his words carefully here. Evan never told him he had to lie about this part, and he doesn't want to get lost in some tangled web of half truths, so he settles on being honest.
“My father founded a charity,” Should he say more? Of course he should, he can't leave it at that. “and I worked for him. I mainly would bring together donors and find clients that needed aid from us.”
It's a simple enough of a response. It also provides a good reason as to how Barty ended up in the Good Place. No one would ever second guess or question how he got here. If this was all real, he'd blend in quite nicely.
Regulus pauses, seeming to weigh Barty's answer against what he knows. Barty can see the way Regulus is still looking for cracks, for anything that will prove Barty's guilt. “Did you ever take a little for yourself?” There is an airiness to his tone, as if it's a joke and he's trying to make light of the ideas, “Lots of money moving around like that. It must have been pretty tempting to try and take some to take care of your mum and yourself.”
Barty jolts up out of his seat. “What the hell is wrong with you?" He yells, "I would never!” It's stupid, it's rash but he leaves the arcade and Regulus behind. He can deal with talking about his parents, about his job, about his life, he can talk about anything that lead him here and he can lie through his teeth about the kind of person he was, but being accused of that. It's a reminder of all of the lives he's ruined. It was too much.
Once upon a time he wished to be just like his father, but now the thought of being anything like that man sickens him.
***
*Fourteen Days Ago*
The lock down has been going on for five days and Barty personally thinks he’s been doing a great job of making Sirius feel downright terrible. Whenever he gets the chance he’s been trying to get to know Sirius, asking questions that Sirius fends off like a swarm of flies. He has even been encouraging Sirius to actually do things with him. The mere suggestion always has Sirius claiming he’s tired or needs some alone time, as if he isn’t always alone.
When Barty’s alone, he can’t help but laugh when reminiscing on Sirius’ responses at Barty’s attempt at friendship, let alone a relationship. It’s somewhat fun to see the different ways he can get those reactions out of Sirius, testing different routes and avenues, mapping the territory and seeing what Sirius will do. Sometimes Sirius is subtle, or at least tries to be, other times Sirius can’t help to hide his distaste for Barty’s presence, and that makes him laugh even harder. It's all so comical.
Although he began to accept his role as the human-torturer of the neighborhood by thinking of everything as a game, one that he has to play in order to win, Barty finds his mind slipping more often than not. He finds moments of watching Sirius become uncomfortable at something he’s suggested or asked, only to realize he wasn't thinking about the game at all.
Barty sits in his room, classical music humming through his radio, Bach today. He realized a while ago that having a signal that he’s “asleep” means Sirius feels free to do whatever he wants. Barty often spends this time sitting with his back to his bedroom door listening and wondering what Sirius is getting up to. He lets his imagination run wild, until today when he hears a faint ping followed by a voice. Interesting. Maybe he should tell Evan about that. But no, it would be more fun to keep it to himself and see how he can use it against Sirius later on. Taking initiative. Evan will enjoy that far more.
Almost an hour goes by and Barty’s legs start to ache from sitting on the floor, his back tight from the door. He’s let Sirius have his time. He gets up and turns off the music, and just in time too. The silence allows him to hear a faint knock coming from the front door.
“Hello Barty.” Evan greets with a warm smile. He peers into the house and looks around for Barty’s soulmate.
“He’s locked away in his room.” Barty says, not wanting to bother with the fake smiles and cheery formalities he knows hold no truth.
Evan’s face instantly falls, an expression so cold it wouldn’t be a surprise to Barty to learn that Evan has never felt an ounce of joy in his eternal life. “The sinkhole was a wonderful idea” Evan says, “Truly a stroke of genius from my mind, but it has unfortunately left me in the dark. I would like an update on your progress.”
“We’ve both been locked in since you said no one could leave their homes.” Barty says. He should add on more, talk about the way he's been able to rile up Sirius, but he feels a creeping sensation on the back of his neck. A prickle of eyes trained on him. They're being watched.
“That is good. And you have been doing what I asked of you?” Evan must sense something is off as well, his response unusually vague, but he has forgotten to drop the tone of voice Barty has gotten used to in their times alone together. Evan is in charge, he is the king of this place, the God of the people, and Barty not lest forget it.
Barty sighs, “Yes. I have.”
“You have done well so far Bee. Keep it up and you will get what was promised.” Bee. That damn nickname Evan gave him a lifetime ago. A slip of the tongue. Evan leans forward and begins to speak in a hushed whisper, “I can sense eyes watching us. Do not forget mine are always doing the same. You may think you are doing enough but I assure you, my expectations are higher than your imagination can reach.”
There is a creaking sound from the top of the stairs. It’s quickly followed by Sirius making his way down, joining Barty and Evan at the front door. “Evan! What brings you by?” Sirius says, all too cheery. Barty has to physically stop himself from rolling his eyes.
Evan smiles softly, “Just checking in on everyone. I’ve just stopped by Regulus and James’, so you were next on the list.” Sirius goes to say something but before he can, Evan continues “I best be off. I’ve got a lot more people to check in on. Call me or Remus if you need anything at all.” With that Evan leaves.
Barty shuts the door and turns to Sirius. He’s about to suggest that they sit down for some tea and a chat, but Sirius grabs his jacket and makes for the front door. “Where are you going? We’re supposed to stay in the house.” Barty makes no moves to stop him. He may be Sirius’ torturer but he’s not his keeper.
“I’m headed out.” Sirius says as he puts his jacket on. Barty raises an eyebrow, wondering where the hell Sirius could possibly think he could go during the lock down. “I’m just going next door. I’ll be back in a few hours. It’s just getting too much being stuck in here.”
Ahh. Okay. If anything it will give Barty a few hours to relax and not worry about what his next move is going to be, or maybe he could use the time to actually plan out his next move. It’s getting awfully boring doing the same thing day in and day out with Sirius.
Sirius pats Barty once on the shoulder and then leaves the home. Barty lets out a sigh of relief, a weight lifted off his shoulders, if even for only a moment. He goes to the living room and sprawls himself out on the couch, not caring about the space he takes up. He lays there and thinks of his mother, how if he does this right, he will never see her again, and for the first time in his existence, the thought brings a smile to his face.
***
*Ten Days Ago*
Evan somehow manages to get his golf ball in the hole in one shot on a course where he had to shoot the ball through a waterfall. Immediately afterwards Barty pulls him aside away from the group. He glances around quickly to make sure the others are distracted but nobody is paying any mind to them. “What do you think you are doing?” Evan hisses, caught off guard by suddenly being dragged away.
“What did you tell Sirius about me?” Barty asks quickly, not sure of how much time they have.
“What? He came by for a moment when Regulus and I were having lunch but other than that I have not spoken to Sirius in days, and certainly nothing about you.” Evan asks, confusion crawling across his features.
Barty feels his smirk playing on his lips, “Is that so? What are they playing at? Do you know?”
Barty looks around his shoulder for a brief moment and sees Sirius staring at them. Barty shifts slightly over to hide whatever Evan is about to say. “I asked Regulus to help me investigate the mayhem in the neighborhood. I believe that whatever they are doing now is to ensure I do not think it is Sirius or Regulus himself.”
“Well this could be quite fun.” Barty says. He sees a look of concern sweep through Evan, but it’s gone after a moment. “What?” Barty asks, “There’s so much potential with this.” This is far more exciting than the past few weeks have been. Barty's ready for a change of pace.
Evan faintly smiles, the corner of his mouth upticks, “Oh I am aware. In four days I am going to hold a neighborhood meeting and tell everyone James is at fault. Meet me tonight and I will give you all the details. It is your turn for the next course.”
Barty turns around and returns to the game. Yes, there are lots of possibilities. Barty starts listing them off in his head, holding back the smile that threatens to break through. Evan is going to be busy for the next few days, dealing with whatever Regulus has concocted in that mind of his, so it will be up to Barty himself to think of ways to make the humans miserable on the smaller levels.
Sirius spends a large portion of the rest of the game trying to talk to Barty, trying to get to know him. Barty starts shortening his responses, and the more Sirius seems taken aback by Barty’s lack of interest, the more worried Sirius becomes, the better Barty feels. Evan's going to be so proud.
When they return home after the game Barty goes straight to his room, not bothering to look back at Sirius or give a proper goodnight. He can feel the nervous energy radiating off the Black. When he shuts the door to his bedroom he turns on his radio and holds his back against the door. He waits until he can hear the sound of the other bedroom door closing. Then, he laughs.
***
*Four Days Ago*
“Do not panic. This is all under control.” Evan’s voice tries to come out evenly but the look in his eyes betrays him. Barty can’t tell if Evan is speaking to Barty or trying to reassure himself. At least one of them should be calm in this situation.
“He confessed.” Barty says, “You said that wouldn’t happen under any circumstances. Now what’s your great plan?” Barty can’t help but smile. Everything was going so smoothly until Regulus had to go and screw it all up by deciding to be righteous. He had decided to put his friends' comfort over his own self preservation. Barty knows what the Bad Place is like, intimately, and Regulus has just signed up for a rude awakening to the true terrors of the universe.
What Regulus’ confession did give Barty, was opportunity. He’s been looking for a way to show Evan that he can step out of the box that’s been so carefully crafted for him, and now is his chance. Evan will be so concerned with trying to clean this mess up, he won’t have any time to get more individual torture running, and that is where Barty comes in.
Evan glares at him, “Go back to your house and make sure they are not speaking. If Sirius is not home, find him. Isolate them. I do not care what you do but get out of here and make sure they are not ruining this further.”
Barty raises an eyebrow, Evan hasn’t spoken to him like this in weeks, he’s kind of missed it. “And what are you going to do about Remus?”
Evan scoffs, “I could not possibly care less. He will come back online soon enough. I am sure one of those imbeciles shut him down but if any of them have a brain cell left after all of this, they will do anything they can to keep me from finding out who. Now leave!”
Barty rolls his eyes and leaves the office. He enjoys the walk home, crisp air, the sun only slightly beating down. He uses this time to think through ideas of what to say when he sees Sirius. One thing he knows for sure is that there’s no way he’s going to try and separate Sirius from James and Regulus. Oh no, he’s got much better plans.
When Barty walks into his house he hears a shower running in the distance. He ignores it and makes quick work of making a cup of coffee, torturing people becomes exhausting after a time, and after trying to figure out what to do now that Regulus admitted he doesn’t belong, he’s practically working overtime.
It’s not long before Sirius comes down. Barty does his best to look upset, staring down at his long forgotten cup of coffee, a feigned sadness in his eyes. Sirius breaks faster than he expects, “How are you holding up?” He asks.
Barty taps the side of his cup and puts on his best fake laugh, “Do you really care?” He knows Sirius doesn’t, and he knows it hurts Sirius to be reminded of that. Poor sweet Barty, always being left behind in the dust for Sirius’ other friends.
Unsurprisingly, Sirius takes a seat next to him, “I know things haven’t been the best the last couple of days but you can talk to me about it. I may understand what you’re going through.”
He scoffs before responding, “You understand finding out your best friend was wrongly put in the Good Place and deceived you for weeks into thinking he cared about you?”
Sirius bites his lip and thinks carefully before speaking. Point Barty. “I may not know exactly what that’s like, but Regulus was my friend too.” Sirius says, “Look, I spent the night over there talking everything over with Reggie. He knows what he did was wrong but he was doing what he could to get by.”
“He obviously wasn’t trying very hard if he’s the reason for all of the chaos.” Barty bites out, “You know I was chased for hours by those fucking birds on the second day here? I was almost knocked unconscious by the trash that rained from the sky and I nearly fell into the sinkhole! This is supposed to be a place of paradise, serene and calm, and he has made it everything but that. I can’t even imagine what James is going through right now, learning his soulmate is some—some deviant.”
Stuttering, nice work. Did any of those things actually happen to Barty? He did get chased by the ravens. That part was true, but the rest is just to make it cut a little deeper. Let Sirius know that he’s not safe if Barty ever ‘Finds out’ about him. Oh how heartbroken Barty would be if he was ever in James’ position! Finding out your soulmate doesn’t actually belong here must be so terrible! Yeah, that one was good.
“He didn’t intend for any of this to happen,” Sirius says, and he sounds tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of pretending. Probably a mix of everything. Barty knows this conversation is coming to an end. It’s time for one last blow, something to really seal the deal on what he ‘thinks’ about all of this.
“But it did. It happened and it was terrible. Now he’s going to suffer the consequences of those actions.” Barty looks down at his coffee. He hopes Sirius feels all the pain he deserves. “If you’re just going to sit here and defend him, you should just go. You seem to always be everywhere except with me so why change that now?”
Sirius leaves and Barty feels a sense of pride well up inside of him. He’s been getting quite good at this. Now he just has to wait for Regulus to show up and let the cycle continue. Evan may have wanted him to keep the brothers apart but this way was far more fun for Barty. The whole point of this experiment is to make the three humans feel miserable the entire time. Really, Barty’s just doing his job, and he’s doing it well. Evan will realize that eventually.
It’s hours later when Regulus shows up, and Barty lets his words burn into Regulus’ mind. He tells Regulus how he wants to dance on his grave. How he hopes he experiences all of the torments the Bad Place has to offer because he’s just so hurt at being deceived! Regulus looks heartbroken the entire time, and Barty relishes in it. He did that. He was able to cause all of that pain. He's winning.
As soon as Regulus goes, he laughs. There is no one around and he lets the sound fill the air. Regulus will be sent off with the memories of Barty’s hatred for him and there is nothing sweeter.
Another hour later, Evan is calling Barty’s home holographic screen. Barty answers and is appalled by what he hears. Evan is bringing in backup. He’s calling for Dorcas of all people to come in and save them for a bit. She’s going to be acting as the person who was supposed to be sent here instead of Regulus. Evan will tell Avery that Regulus is staying. Everyone will regroup tonight.
No. No. No! Barty pushed them all away. He did it to torture them. He did it so they would feel pain! If Dorcas is coming in to save the day he can’t continue his act from a distance. He has to fix this before Evan finds out what he did. He won’t be pushed to the sidelines, not this time.
He runs, sprints actually, to the train station which some idiot put all the way across the neighborhood. The second he sees Regulus he throws himself into his friend’s arms and holds on tightly. He goes on about how he realized that he would have done the same thing in Regulus’ position, and of course I forgive you!
As far as Barty’s concerned, he’s Evan’s right-hand man. When Dorcas steps off the train, he does his best to look shocked. He opens his eyes wide and hitches his breath. He won’t lose his position here. Dorcas may try and wiggle her way in. Let her play her part and have her time in the spotlight, but call it what it is, her fifteen minutes of fame. Barty is the top curator of pain and suffering around here, and he will get what he is owed. No one will take that from him.
***
*Three Days Ago*
Barty turns on his radio, allowing the sound of violas and harps to overtake the room. He doesn’t bother to change out of his clothes, but removes his shoes. He turns off the light of his bedroom, and sits on the floor with his back against the door. He’s not sure what he’s waiting for, but if history has told him anything, Regulus will be arriving to speak with James at any moment.
It’s longer than Barty expects but in time, Regulus does arrive. He hears the footsteps making their way through the hallway. A soft rhythmic tapping against the wooden floors. He hears a door open and then close. As quietly as he can, he stands and leaves his room, pressing one hand against the door and the other on the twisted knob to shut it soundlessly.
There are small cracks underneath the bedroom doors that allow light to seep through. James’ room is enshroud in darkness but there is a clear light emitting from Sirius’. Barty leans in close against the door, trying to hear the words being exchanged.
“It’s fine. He always plays that classical shit while he’s asleep.” Sirius says. Barty holds in his scoff. He really has trained Sirius well.
“That doesn’t mean he won’t wake up dumbass.” Regulus responds. He really seems to be the only one with more than one brain cell between the three humans.
“Jeez Reggie. He’ll turn it off if he wakes up. He’s very predictable like that.” There is a pause in Sirius’ words. Barty for a moment thinks that maybe their conversation is over with and he should return to his room before he’s caught, but Sirius never does know when to shut up. “I think that you didn’t come here to see James.”
Regulus sighs, “Sirius-”
“No, I think you wanted to talk to someone who understands your position to an extent.” Sirius’ voice moves loudly through the wood of the door straight in Barty’s ears.
“Sirius.” Regulus hisses. “I really think you should—”
“Should I tell you about how I can relate to not belonging here? I know you haven’t forgotten and you’re hanging it over my head, threatening to tell Evan and all that, but to be frank, I don’t think you’re going to.”
“I really think you should shut up.” Regulus harshly whispers. There is a sound of movement but one Barty can’t detect. He presses his ear closer to the door, trying to identify what’s happening.
“No, I think this is something we should definitely be talking about.” Sirius says as he whips the door open.
Barty is quick to rearrange himself from curiosity and shock, to anger. Regulus and Sirius look back at him with horror in their eyes. Barty says the first thing that comes to mind, “It’s rude to stare.”
Barty is quick to lay into both of the brothers. He yells about how they never trust him with their secrets, always hiding things from him. He makes them feel awful with every word he spews and he makes his anger clear on his face. He unleashes everything he's had pent up for days towards everyone. By the time he’s done, he’s being begged to not go to Evan, to hold out for just a little bit longer. He makes no promises, he’ll have to talk to Evan about what to do next. He was never supposed to ‘find out’ about Sirius not belonging, not like this.
Regulus drags him to his bedroom, and tries to calm him down. He tells Barty that they never meant to harm him by keeping secrets from him, that he truly and really cares about Barty, and that’s why he was never told. They were trying to protect him. Barty does his best to keep his composure as he watches Regulus fumble over his words through duress.
***
*One Day Ago*
Barty is raging. He brought up the idea to Regulus to try and earn his spot in the Good Place by way of the point system. If this entire situation were real, he would have thought it was a perfect idea to sway some all-knowing Judge, that Barty has just been made aware of is actually Evan’s boss and mentor Albus. Evan told Barty that it was a cop out, it would be too easy for Regulus and wouldn’t cause him enough stress and torment, that it was a bad idea. Personally, Barty thinks it would have caused Regulus plenty of anxiety to watch as a small ticker never went up.
He walks around the neighborhood with Regulus now, wondering where he went so wrong with Evan. All of a sudden Regulus says, “I need to talk with Sirius for a bit.”
Barty perks up, he could ease his own stress by doing something to Sirius. “Great. Let’s go.” He says as he starts to walk towards their homes. Regulus grabs onto his hand and turns Barty around.
Regulus tells him, “I need to speak with him alone. It has nothing to do with your idea. I just need to talk to someone who understands what I’m going through.”
Of course that’s why Regulus thinks Barty is upset. Barty just wants one thing to go right. He already has Evan telling him that his ideas are bad, on top of the fact that Dorcas is still here, winning the hearts and souls of the humans, making them think she cares about them. It’s disgusting. That’s supposed to be Barty’s job. He’s the one who should be connecting with them, offering them ill advice and telling them how terrible they are and how they’ll never win this case.
“Understands you?” Barty hisses out. “He doesn’t understand you. He’s hiding away while you take the fall for everything. He may have the same status as you sure but he does not understand you.” Barty grips onto Regulus’ arm, “He has James and Remus and you all protecting him from suffering the same fate as you. As long as Evan thinks he belongs here he will never understand you.”
“And what? You do?” Regulus snaps.
“Yes!” Barty yells, and instantly regrets the words. He let his mind get too muddled. He spoke before thinking. The next thing he needs is Regulus thinking Barty is aware he doesn’t belong in the Good Place either. For fucksake he can’t get anything right today.
“What are you talking about?” Regulus asks in a whisper. Barty lets go of Regulus' arm. He takes one look at their surroundings and storms off without another word. It’s better to be away from the humans for a bit until he can get his mouth under control. He needs to steal himself away and refocus his energy on the real problem, Evan.
Barty storms into the office where Evan sits idly behind his desk. His face quickly darts down into the papers in front of him, but when he sees it’s just Barty that’s come to ruin his day, he looks back up with a roll of his eyes. “Bee, I already told you why I said no.”
Barty slumps down into the chair across from Evan. “I still think it could work if you gave me the chance.” He picks at his fingernails as he talks, “But I’m not here about that.” Evan raises an eyebrow and then gestures for him to continue, “I don’t think this is working out how you planned it to at all. Why should I continue to put my energy towards torturing these humans if it’s all going to end when your boss shows up?” Barty raises an eyebrow.
“What are you talking about?” Evan asks exasperated.
“I’m saying, I don’t think you have it in you to make this all work.” Barty explains, “What are you going to do? Either Albus says that they can stay, and then they think they’re all safe, which ruins half the point of this place, or he says they have to go to the Bad Place, and we both know they can’t be sent there. Either way, your little experiment is done for.” He’s never spoken so boldly to Evan before, but Barty finds he quite likes the way Evan’s mouth twitches into a snarl.
Evan seems to consider this point for a moment. He leans back in his chair with his arms crossed, examining Barty over. “What if I sweeten the deal for you?”
Now that peaks Barty’s interest. He had only really come in here with the thoughts that if he couldn’t torture the humans at the moment, being a thorn in Evan’s side was a close enough second option. “And how would you do that?” Barty asks.
“If you continue on as you have been,” Evan says with a cool voice, “torturing them properly, in the ways in which I have instructed, I will erase your memories.”
Barty leans forward, his elbows on his knees, hands clasped. “Why would I want that? The whole point of me being here is that you have a human perspective on things.”
“Yes, but I do not have to erase all of your memories,” Evan’s mouth contorts into a cruel smirk, “I could get rid of only the ones that hurt you the most. The ones of your mother dying, and father perhaps?” He pauses to let the words sink in, “Maybe even the ones of Bertha Jorkins?”
Barty jerks out of the chair and leans over the desk, getting as close to Evan’s face as possible with the barrier between them. “All of it. I want all of those people gone. Not a single memory of them or of what I saw down there.”
Evan holds out a hand between the two bodies, “I believe we can arrange that.” He says. Barty looks down at the hand, and slowly grabs onto it with his own, clasping it firmly and giving it a single shake before letting go. They're close. They're so close. Just a few inches separate their mouths. He can feel Evan's breath on his skin. It wouldn't take much to lean in, closing that distance.
“Glad that we see eye to eye once more Bee.” Evan shuffles through the papers on his desk, and when he looks up to see Barty still standing there he says, “Now go fulfill your end of the bargain. I will even let you do as you see fit for it. No instructions on how to get it done. Just do it.”
Barty gives a small smile, looking Evan over once more before leaving the room. He’s got plenty of ideas already forming. He could go to Regulus and plead again to have him follow his points idea. He could try and catch Remus and Sirius in the act. He could go to James and throw himself at the man again. He’ll shift from one mood to the other, keeping them all on their toes, unsure of how he’ll react next. He’ll make them think he’s crazy, that he’s gone mad. Maybe he already has.
***
*Present Day, A Few Hours Ago*
“Are we just supposed to call you the Judge this whole time?” Barty asks from his corner of the office. He’s had enough slip ups lately and he doesn’t want to risk anymore by calling ‘the Judge’ Albus on accident. It would give away too much about what he knows and he's all already skating on a thin line.
“Bartemius Crouch Junior.” Albus says with a tilt of his head, examining Barty over. It’s the first time Barty has seen Albus in person and vice versa. “Although I understand you are fearful for your friends, I expect more respect in our coming moments together. There is a lot at stake here, is there not?”
There’s plenty at stake. More for Barty than anyone else. Regulus, James and Sirius are all oblivious to their surroundings and what’s to come. If things are done right, they will continue to live in blissful ignorance of everything that’s going on. They’ll never have to experience the real tortures the universe has to offer, but Barty can try his best to give them a taste. Barty looks directly at the Judge, letting it be known that he’s still on their side, “I am perfectly aware of what’s at stake here.”
Albus then asks if any of them know where Sirius and Regulus have run off to, and if they know why Sirius left too. Barty can’t help himself. He knows exactly what would piss James off the most right now, knowing that his precious friend’s secrets aren’t safe. Barty is quick to speak up, saying that they’re brothers, and Sirius doesn’t belong either. James squirms in his chair and Barty can’t help but feel a sense of pride at the impact he can make with a few simple words.
Evan puts on a convincing performance of pretending to not know about Sirius’ real status. Barty looks to Evan in admiration, he can only hope to be that good one day. The architect is truly a master of the craft, and Barty has so much left to learn.
***
“Calm down. This isn’t the time.” Dorcas says.
The words ring through Barty. Who is Dorcas to come in here and steal the spotlight away from him? She’s played her role of caring friend all too well and has already gained the trust and favour of the humans. It’s disgusting, despicable. The words tumble out of Barty’s mouth before he can think them through, “Your argument failed us right from the start so I don’t think you have any room to talk. He’s already made up his mind so I don’t see why we have to keep on with this. Regulus is guilty and he’s being sent away. But wait, oh that’s right, no one even knows where he is! Why don’t we focus on that first before we go pointing fingers on who to blame for why we’re all here in the first place?”
The words are a cumulation of everything he’s feeling without any of the actual meaning. Dorcas gaining praise from Evan that Barty should be the one to have. Regulus having disappeared right at the moment when Barty was going to pull out some sap story about how he was in love with the man and didn’t want to see him go. It would have been perfect. Regulus had to go and ruin it all by leaving and now Dorcas gets to steal the show.
“It sounds as though you are speaking against him.” Albus says calmly, as if he almost expected this. That only infuriates Barty further. Albus doesn’t know him, he only knows what’s in a file. Barty is more than words on a page, he can still surprise those he’s supposed to be subordinate to.
He crosses his arms over his chest, “Maybe I am.” He doesn’t expect James to leap up from his chair and grab Barty by the front of his shirt, reeling his arm back as if ready to punch. They’re face to face, and Barty’s mind is quick, it thinks of the perfect thing to say. “Wanted another kiss that bad?”
James throws him back on the ground. Barty wants to turn to Evan, to see if he’s proud of the way Barty was able to make James act so out of character, but he turns to Albus instead. He claims that he’s not speaking against Regulus, that he’s just angry. He hopes James is confused and lost as to what's going on. Torturing just one human isn’t as fun as if all three of them were here but it has its own merits.
Then James speaks. He gives his piece as to how wonderful of a person Regulus is. All of the struggles Regulus had to endure in his life and how much he’s grown. Yada-yada. James knows nothing of torment. He knows nothing of pain. Barty is the only one who knows, but he hopes to bring James into the light soon enough, to show him what it really means to suffer.
Unfortunately, Albus has to ruin everything by saying James and Barty will be sent away to the Bad Place if Sirius and Regulus don’t return. The cogs in Barty’s mind begin to turn. Does Albus actually mean it? Is the deal null and void if the Black brothers don’t come back? His outrage at the idea overrules any sensible thoughts he can have. “This is bullshit!” He yells as he gets closer to Albus’ face. “We didn’t do anything! Why would we be sent away?”
Albus starts talking but Barty’s ears are ringing with all of the rage living inside of him. He’s supposed to be safe. He's supposed to be safe. He ignores whatever words are spewing from the demon’s mouth. Barty goes over to Evan and drags him out of the room. “What the fuck was that?” Barty asks as soon as they’re on the other side of the door.
“Bee, you need to calm down.” Evan says in a gentler voice than Barty is use to. It makes Barty take pause. Evan uses that moment to keep speaking, “Your deal is still intact. We believe only Sirius will return, at least for now.” He grabs Barty by the arms and gives him a small shake, “This is all part of the fun, changing things up as we go.”
“Evan this is all falling apart.” Barty says. “I’m your human consultant right? Well I’m here to tell you that I don’t think they’re coming back. I wouldn’t. They don’t even like me right now so why would they care if I’m being sent away?”
“It will all work out.” Evan tries to reassure him. “Nothing is going to happen to you as long as I am in charge of this experiment.” The words should offer Barty some kind of comfort, a knowledge that as long as he’s with Evan he’s protected but he knows better. There’s no way the Black brothers are coming back.
They go back into the office together. Barty marches right over to Albus and says “This is still bullshit and you know it.”
James mumbles something from across the room but Barty doesn’t bother to listen. His eyes stay trained on the man before him. “I thought we agreed to respect one another.” Albus says, unflinching despite Barty’s proximity, “Do not forget what is at stake.”
“How could I?” Barty feels the words bury inside of him, “You won’t let me forget.” That’s what’s at stake now. He doesn’t care about the tortures anymore, doesn’t care about the pain that may await him. If he can’t keep this up, if he can’t convince the humans that he’s with them, he’ll never be able to forget. His mother and father will torment him for all time, and when he closes his eyes at night the last image that will cross through his mind will be of the gun aimed at his head.
***
*Present Day, Present Time*
Barty looks out to the panic that flows through Regulus, Sirius and James. He feels a smile creep across his face, a smirk, an enjoyment of all that lays before him. He would think that after being tortured himself he would take no pleasure in watching it happen to others, but in his short time here he’s seen the thrill of it. The small ways a person flinches, their eyes widen, the heart palpitates. The larger schemes, the concept behind the very neighborhood they stand in sends just as much of a thrill down his spine as what he is able to do with just a few small words.
The fear from the others is palpable. He can taste it on his tongue and a part of him wants to reach out and lick the air, to take it all in, to see if it’s just as sweet. Mad. He's gone absolutely mad.
Now that they know the truth, Barty isn’t sure what will happen to him. He’ll probably be sent back to the Bad Place, stowed away in the basements with another feral demon on the other side of the glass. This time around, as long as he forgets those three simple memories, he thinks he’ll enjoy it. He’ll be in pain sure but he thinks of the ideas, the kind of ideas he could gain from what others think to hand to him. He hopes Evan decides to try again later on down the line, that he takes Barty with him once again, because Barty’s mind is reeling with all of the possibilities. Maybe he can pose them to Evan before they’re all sent away.
Barty’s eyes wander over to Evan, a smirk playing on the man’s lips and Barty wants to reach over, grab Evan by the throat and kiss him in honor of what he has created, smother him with the devotion he deserves for the way his mind works. In such a short time he's shown Barty the pleasures of causing the unpleasurable.
James’ eyes jet back and forth between Barty and Evan. “This is the Bad Place?” The answer is clear, written on the faces of both Evan and Barty. Barty walks over beside Evan, two demons against the three humans.
“Yes James.” Evan says. “This is indeed the Bad Place.”
“I don’t—” James looks around at everyone in the room, trying to make sense of it all. “I don’t understand.”
“We were torturing each other.” Regulus chimes in. “Since we got here, nothing has gone right. I was living next to my brother who didn’t recognize me. I made my being here your problem. Once you became friends with Sirius you had to live with both of those secrets because you couldn’t tell us about each other. Something was up with Sirius’ memory so he couldn’t remember his childhood or of me. Sirius watching his best friend be in a ‘happy relationship’ was awful while he was partnered with a soulmate he hated. And then Evan and Barty drove us all crazy in their own ways.”
Barty shrugs, “I did what I could. I’ve got to say though, I still can’t believe you let me kiss you James. I really thought for a second we were going to fuck until you pulled away at the last moment.”
Evan turns to Barty with a glare, “You did what.”
Barty waves dismissively, “It was all part of the fun. I got him really riled up for a while, and then I was able to use that on Regulus too since he’s in love with James.”
“You love me?” James turns to Regulus and asks with wide eyes. “You told Barty that you love me but not me?”
Regulus closes his eyes and takes a deep breath in frustration. “This is clearly not the time James.”
“Oh I think this is the perfect time actually.” James tries to walk closer to Regulus but Regulus puts an arm out, stopping the other man in his tracks. James gives one nod of his head. “Later then.”
Sirius, noticeably keeping a distance between himself and Remus, is the next one to speak up. “So are we the only three humans in the neighborhood?”
Evan rolls his eyes. “Idiot, do you pay attention to anything? Barty is a human too.”
Barty scoffs, “Don’t remind me. I'd prefer to not be associated with them.”
Evan gives Barty a side eyed look and then continues, “Barty is my human consultant. He helps me get into the minds of humans when I have trouble understanding them. He has been a great help. Everyone else though? Demon as far as the eye can see. Dorcas and Peter too, wherever they ran off to.”
“And Remus?” Sirius asks tentatively.
“No,” Evan sighs, “I stole Remus from the Good Place AIA warehouse. He helps sell the authenticity of this place. This whole neighborhood was an experiment to see if humans could be made to psychologically torture one another for five hundred years. I must say, it was going fairly well until you,” He looks to Regulus, “had to go and screw everything up.”
“Me?” Regulus asks aghast, “What the hell did I do?”
“Everything was going according to plan.” Evan explains. “You were taking James’ lessons as I expected you would but then they actually started working. Days went by without you causing any chaos to the neighborhood. I was not willing to risk you turning over a new leaf. I asked for your help to try and torture you a bit and all of a sudden you aimed to try and save Sirius. When I called James out in front of the entire neighborhood, one of you shut down Remus. It all fell apart from there. You confessed, which I must say is something I never expected you to do.”
Barty watches as understanding crosses the human’s faces. All of the pieces slowly coming together to form the picture that he’s had access to the entire time. “What about James?” Regulus asks. “I know why Sirius and I are here but he’s a good person. He helped us through everything.”
Evan turns to look at James directly, “Although some people think loyalty is a great attribute to have, it is possible to have far too much of it. You were not even aware of one of your best friends falling apart at the seams because you were so determined to stay by his side no matter what. It killed you James both metaphorically and literally.”
James whispers a name under his breath, something like Dian, from what Barty can hear. Evan nods his head. Barty looks to Evan and asks the question he’s been dreading, “What now Ev?”
Evan nods his head towards Albus, “We need to speak with the boss on what to do next. I do think step one will be to erase your memories of course. Sir, if we may?” He gestures to the door that leads out of the office. Albus stands from his chair and leads the way as Evan and Barty follow. Evan makes sure to speak first. “I am aware of what our deal was, five hundred years. As we have mentioned multiple times however, this is an experiment, and it was bound to have faults the first time around. I am asking for one more chance to do this properly. Just one more.”
“And what would you change?” Albus asks, eyes narrowed down on Evan. Barty tries his best to not take an instinctive step backwards. He remains by Evan’s side through the scrutiny. “How would you ensure that this does not happen again?”
“I have been thinking about where I went wrong.” Evan admits, “I believe having Regulus and James paired up together from the beginning allowed for them to form a bond much faster than I initially anticipated. We will start from there. One more chance, that is all I am asking.”
Albus runs his fingers through his beard, considering. “And for the consultant?” Albus looks towards Barty. He stands up straighter, letting his presence be known. He is part of this conversation so he has to have some sway over what’s to come.
“I would like for him to keep his memories of this attempt.” Evan says, “He can use what we learned here as a starting point for round two.”
Albus nods his head slowly. “I will allow it.” Evan begins to smile but Albus is quick to shut him down, “Do not mistake my courtesy here for belief. I have lost hope in this experiment but the resources have already been spent. You will have one more chance, and then after that, there will be no more. You will return to your apprenticeship, if I even allow that much.”
Evan quickly nods his head in understanding, “Yes, Sir. We will have a much better go at it this time around I assure you. My lesson has been learned.”
“Very well then.” Albus says, before turning and leaving the building without another word.
“Do you really think it will work?” Barty asks once they’re alone.
“I think you and I can make it happen.” Evan says with a smirk. You and I. Together. They'll be doing this together. Barty doesn’t hold himself back. He grabs Evan by the back of the neck and brings his mouth to his own. He kisses him hard and deep. He walks them backwards and finally he has Evan pinned to a wall where he belongs, like a shrine to an old god. Evan kisses him back just as fiercely.
Barty licks at Evan’s lower lip, and when Evan refuses to open himself up, Barty bites down hard. The gasp that leaves Evan’s mouth is just enough for Barty to get his tongue inside. Evan grabs at both sides of Barty’s face, pulling him in closer. It’s rough and messy, spit covers their mouths. Barty licks around the inside of Evan, outlining the inner workings of his mouth. It’s unlike anything he’s ever known before and better than anything he could hope to experience.
Evan pulls away first, gasping for breath. Barty uses the opportunity to begin working on his neck, finding small spots to bite into. He doesn’t want to stop. Evan is a drug that has been dangling in front of him for weeks, and now that he’s had a taste he refuses to quit. “We’ve got to go back in there.” Evan says through a small moan, fingers clutched deep into Barty’s hair.
“Are you sure?” Barty asks as he soothes his latest bite with a flick of his tongue. “You seem to be enjoying yourself.”
“Unfortunately yes.” Evan says, disappointment clear in his voice. “We’ve—We have to reset their memories.”
Barty pulls away, releasing his hold on the demon pinned to the wall. He smirks as he looks over how disarrayed he’s able to make Evan within just a few moments. “Let’s go make some misery together, shall we?”
~*~
“What are we going to do?” Sirius whines as he paces around the room. If he would just give Regulus a moment to fucking think maybe he’d have an answer. The second Barty and Evan left with the Judge—who is apparently not a judge but another demon—Sirius began to panic instead of trying to come up with a single productive idea.
“If you would shut up for one second.” Regulus snaps. He looks over to James who stands frozen, a perfect contrast to Sirius’ erratic movements. “James?” Regulus brings his hands up to James’ cheeks, he tries to hold his hands, anything to bring him back. “Come back to me James. We need you here right now.”
James blinks. It seems to take a moment for him to remember where he is and what’s going on. Regulus wants to feel calmed by it but his own panic is rising in his chest. “Reg, what are we going to do?”
Regulus looks to James sadly, “I was really hoping you’d have an idea.”
“That’s why my memories were fogged over, so I couldn't recognize Regulus.” He hears Sirius mutter to himself.
“We’re going to lose our memories Reg,” James says, and Regulus can see the fight and hope has already left him. “We’re not going to know anything about this place. We’re going to meet all over again and they’re going to have us torture each other. I don’t think there’s anything we can do.”
That sparks an idea in Regulus’ mind. “Remus come here.” Reluctantly, Regulus leaves James' side and turns to Remus, “You remembered Mary McDonald right? Even though you hadn’t seen her in ten years. You didn’t know her at first, but eventually you remembered some bits?”
Remus nods his head slowly, “It’s all still really fuzzy but I know that I did meet her before we all went to her house.”
“Perfect.” Regulus says. He runs around the room and collects what he needs. A single piece of paper from a disarrayed stack, and a pen from Evan’s desk. “What would I want to hear?” He mumbles to himself. “Think. Think.” It comes to him. He scribbles the words down on the paper and hands it over to Remus. “When you remember, give this back to me. I probably won’t know who you are but I’m counting on you to remember.”
Remus gives a small nod, “I’ll try my best.”
Evan and Barty come back into the room alone, no Albus to follow in their wake. Evan claps his hands together. “Wonderful, glad to see none of you tried to run away. That should make this much easier. Now, I am not about to explain what is about to happen, because there would be no point. You know what they say, try again, fail again, fail better. Now, say goodbye to your memories.”
Evan snaps his fingers, and everything goes white.
***
Regulus Arcturus Black awakes on the left side of a soft white couch. There is a coffee table in front of him that reaches to just below his knees. A faint smell of lavender travels through the air. He feels as though he was always meant to end up here, in this room, waiting. Waiting. Waiting…for what?