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“Excuse me Sunoo-ssi, can we…?”
Sunoo inwardly groans at his fifteenth–yes, you read that right–photo request of the evening, but nods anyway. Part of the job, though he’s not even technically working right now. But hey, at least this proves he hasn’t completely faded into obscurity yet.
Setting his champagne flute on the bar counter, Sunoo turns to face whoever just made the request. It’s a group of the bride’s younger cousins, and the mild annoyance Sunoo felt dissipates at the sight of their shiny eyes and excited giggles. He plasters on what he hopes looks like a genuine smile as they shuffle closer beside him, then brings his hand up to form his signature cheek heart accompanied by a practiced wink. The girls squeal in delight, snapping a few selfies before thanking Sunoo profusely and complimenting him on the congratulatory song he sang for the newlyweds earlier.
Once the idol’s alone again, he brings his drink to his lips before continuing his survey of the sea of guests. It’s the wedding of some veteran actor, well known in the entertainment industry for being an obnoxious show-off, though no one can even say anything because of his seniority. Judging by the over-the-top ceremony and dozens of celebrities in attendance, it seems the actor intends to flaunt both his beautiful young bride and his extensive connections today.
To be honest, Sunoo doesn’t even want to be here. He’s not particularly friendly with the couple–in fact, Sunoo has always found interactions with the old geezer awkward, and most of his “jokes” downright unpleasant.
However, today he’s a man on a mission.
After the disbandment of his former group following their leader’s drug scandal that dragged their reputation through the mud, Sunoo is determined to start anew with his debut as a soloist. It hasn’t been easy to fill the empty spaces of seven people on stage with just one person, and competing against the newer generation of fresher, younger faces is even more difficult. To be frank, things aren’t looking too great–his solo song barely cracked the Melon Top 100, when back in the group’s heyday they were effortlessly scoring Perfect All-Kills with every comeback.
Though things have finally started to look up ever since he heard through the grapevine that he was being considered as a brand ambassador for the Park Group’s new subsidiary company–a cosmetic brand focused on vegan, cruelty-free makeup.
Finally, a potential brand deal after so long! Maybe the president of his label will finally move them to a building without a rat problem.
According to Sunoo’s insider (read: Yang Jungwon, his best friend since high school and a seasoned member of LA CHAT NOIR’s marketing team), he was a top contender thanks to his flawless glass skin and longstanding reputation as a skincare junkie.
That is, until some rookie actress’s politician father slipped a cheque or two to the marketing director under the table and suddenly they want a younger model to “match the youthful image of their brand” or whatever. What the fuck? She may be three years younger than Sunoo, but her skin isn’t even close to being as clear and smooth as his. Must be all the cigarettes.
Well, if she can stoop that low, Sunoo’s not afraid to go even lower. Marketing director? Pfft. If he’s going to play dirty, he might as well go all in.
Thus, he has his sights set on the CEO.
Which is what brings Sunoo here today on his day off instead of binging Netflix on his couch, because according to information Jungwon let slip after one too many glasses of wine, the Park Group’s eldest son and the CEO of LA CHAT NOIR himself would be here today as some distant relative of the bride. Now Sunoo just has to figure out which of the hundreds of guys dressed in suits is him.
Unfortunately, despite being the heir to one of the biggest conglomerates in Asia, this guy appears to be a pretty private person, as there seem to be no photographic trace of him on the internet. Consequently, the only clue Sunoo has is Jungwon’s vague description of tall, dark, and handsome. Very informative.
Twenty minutes and three cocktails later, he’s about to give up and proceed to Plan B–call Jungwon to confess his disgraceful plan and then beg for help–when he turns around and nearly spills his mojito on a stranger.
“I’m sorry!” a voice suddenly burts out, a gentle hand catches Sunoo by the elbow to stabilize him. “Are you okay?”
Sunoo blinks. Standing before him is a man in sleek wire-framed glasses and a tailored black coat layered over a matching black suit, his dark hair swept back to reveal a handsome forehead and furrowed brows. Not to mention those dark, earnest eyes currently are looking at Sunoo in concern.
LA CHAT NOIR. THE BLACK CAT.
Don’t tell me…
“I’m fine!” Sunoo flashes his sweetest smile. He lightly placing his hand on the man’s forearm, strategic yet seemingly innocent enough. “Thanks to you, my saviour, I didn’t make a fool of myself.”
The handsome stranger returns Sunoo’s smile easily with a charming smirk of his own. Sunoo notes the other doesn’t move his arm away. “I don’t know if I deserve to be called a saviour, since it was my fault in the first place.”
Sunoo giggles, finally pulling back his hand and is pleased to notice the man’s eyes briefly flicker to where their arms had touched. “I’m Kim Sunoo,” he introduces before offering his hand to the man again, this time for a handshake.
“How could I not know the Kim Sunoo?” replies the taller man, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I’m sure everybody in this room was mesmerized by your performance earlier.”
To Sunoo’s surprise, instead of a handshake, the man gently grasps the tips of Sunoo’s fingers and lifts them to his face before brushing his lips ever so lightly against Sunoo’s knuckles.
“Park Jongseong. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”
Bingo.
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Sunoo has never seduced anyone like this before.
Obviously he’s flirted with his fair share of guys, but that was just for fun, and this–this has a goal, a purpose.
Sunoo’s not sure what he’s supposed to be doing, so he imagines himself as a femme fatale from a 1950s film noir–a coy bat of the eyelashes here, a graze of the arm there. Despite the thrill he still feels a little awkward, but the older’s burning gaze, shamelessly tracking every subtle touch, tells Sunoo he must be doing something right.
Plus, his target being so easy on the eyes certainly makes this a whole lot more enjoyable.
But then Jongseong makes some lame joke about the weird abstract centrepiece being a hyper-realistic cake, followed by a terrible impression of the host on that Netflix show Sunoo discovers they both secretly watch. Sunoo finds himself laughing so hard he forgets all about his simpering seductress act and even chimes in to add to the older’s little conspiracy theory.
At some point Jongseong is tucking a strand of dark curls behind Sunoo’s ear and blatantly eyeing the way Sunoo blushes and bites his lip. And then somehow they’re stumbling into a hotel room and Jongseong has his hands gripping Sunoo’s waist, and now it’s his lip between the younger’s teeth.
Sunoo’s world is spinning, but he’s not sure if it’s due to the cocktails at the open bar earlier or if he’s just drunk off the whiskey on Jongseong’s breath as the older groans into their kiss, licking into Sunoo’s mouth without allowing him even a second to breathe.
He remembers tugging impatiently at the businessman’s tie and stuffy suit, whining when the older pulls apart with a chuckle, quickly shedding his own clothes before helping Sunoo out of his. Then he’s being lowered to the bed, Jongseong’s lips trailing wet kisses up his stomach, and Sunoo loses all ability to think the moment the older’s hot tongue circles his pretty pink nipples.
Everything fades into a delicious blur.
The next moment he’s able to form a coherent thought again is when Jongseong’s sinking into him with a hiss, the pressure shocking him into a brief moment of clarity.
“Fuck,” the older breathes against Sunoo’s soft milky skin before he draws back, voice deep and heavy. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”
Sunoo sucks in a sharp breath and musters a soft, half-lidded smirk. “Beautiful enough to be your brand ambassador?”
Jongseong laughs and says something in response, except Sunoo doesn’t get to hear it because the former chooses that moment to push back into him, hitting that delicious spot that has Sunoo seeing stars.
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Sunoo wakes up the next morning to the sound of an unfamiliar ringtone. Groaning, he rolls out of the warm embrace he had been nestled in and buries his face into the pillows, trying to drown out the noise.
Through a half-asleep haze, Sunoo feels someone shuffling beside him and a husky Hello? before he drifts off to dreamland once more.
What feels like only a second later, he’s awoken again by someone shaking his shoulders.
“Mmm…”
“Sunoo.”
“Hmm…wha…”
A soft chuckle. “Sunoo, wake up.”
Sunoo basks in the comfort of the soft duvet for three more seconds before he begrudgingly sits up and rubs his eyes. Blinking away the last remnants of sleep, he finally takes in the sight of the man before him.
Oh right. That happened.
Jongseong smiles down at him from beside the bed, fiddling with his expensive-looking watch with one hand.
“Good morning, sleepyhead.”
He’s fully dressed in his suit again, waistcoat neatly buttoned and midnight lapels smoothed down, as if he hadn’t been dripping sweat off his forehead and fucking Sunoo into oblivion just a few hours ago. The only thing different from last night is his bangs that flop over his forehead, still a touch damp from the shower.
“I have to leave first, but feel free to sleep in for as long as you like. This is my private suite so you don’t have to worry about checking out. You’re also welcome to order breakfast, it’s all on me–”
The young CEO is cut off when his phone starts blaring again. Swearing under his breath, he quickly snaps on his watch before pulling his phone out of his pocket, silencing the ringer before hurriedly typing something.
Sunoo groans. “Who the fuck is calling you this early on a Saturday?”
Jongseong finishes his text and pockets his phone. “My fiancé,” he replies.
Oh, his fian–his WHAT?!
The man casually walks back to the bathroom, oblivious to the way Sunoo’s entire body froze at his answer. He returns a moment later and that’s when Sunoo sees it–a thick silver band wrapped around his ring finger, shiny metal glinting under the morning light as it filters through the curtains.
Sunoo’s jaw drops. Oh my god. I just slept with a (practically) married man.
Sure, Sunoo admits he didn’t exactly have the purest intentions when he approached the young CEO last night, but he was at least under the impression that the man was single. Believe it or not, he has some morals. Maybe Sunoo’s behaviour was borderline on gold digger territory, but he hadn’t meant to be a homewrecker.
Sunoo’s brain is still loading when Jongseong slides his business card across the nightstand and gives him one last apologetic smile.
“Sorry, I have to go now but last night was really… nice. Text me when you get home?”
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Sure enough, Sunoo’s manager informs him two days later that he has gotten the brand ambassador deal. Sunoo doesn’t know whether he should laugh or cry.
Jongseong’s business card sits heavy behind his phone case as he mulls over sending a message of gratitude but ultimately decides against it–he doesn’t want the older man to misread it as an invitation for another night in Jongseong’s penthouse suite. Sunoo has already achieved his goal, so it’s better not to keep playing with fire.
Sunoo’s set on never speaking another word to his one-night stand again. Unfortunately, Park Jongseong has other plans.
“Perfect, Sunoo-ssi. Tilt your head a little to the left for me…yes, just like that. Beautiful!”
The idol is in the middle of shooting promotional photos for LA CHAT NOIR’s new lipstick line when the man who has occupied his thoughts for the better part of the week unexpectedly shows up.
The employees all have their attention fixed on Sunoo, so they don’t notice their boss’s presence until Sunoo’s gaze drifts to the corner and suddenly freezes.
“Mr. Park!” They all hurriedly bow to the CEO in greeting, including the photographer who had been in the middle of singing praises about Sunoo. However, Jongseong just raises his hand with a smile and gestures for everyone to continue what they were doing.
Sunoo suddenly feels like throwing up as he watches the older stride across the room until he’s standing right in front of him. He swallows his nerves and puts on his best professional smile.
“Hello, Mr. Park. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he says, feigning ignorance as he extends his hand.
Jongseong looks confused for a split second before smirking, playing into the younger’s act. “Likewise, Sunoo-ssi,” he says, warm hands enveloping Sunoo’s in a quick but firm shake. “We’re so glad to have you on board as our new ambassador. Please don’t mind me and continue with what you were doing.”
So Sunoo tries not to mind him, resuming the photoshoot with as much focus as he can muster. But it’s really hard when he can feel dark eyes following his every movement, burning holes in the side of his face. Sunoo tries to convince himself Jongseong’s is just doing his job... until he catches the older not-so-discreetly eyeing his behind.
Oh my god. He’s really at a lipstick photoshoot openly ogling Sunoo’s ass.
Sunoo prays to God the LA CHAT NOIR foundation is full coverage when he feels a familiar warmth creeping up his neck. His effort to ignore the older lasts all of two minutes, right until the photographer instructs him to look to the side, where he accidentally meets the source of that burning gaze.
To everyone else in the room, Jongseong is a praiseworthy leader, taking time out of his busy day to oversee what must be a trivial photoshoot compared to the rest of his tasks. He appears focused, hands in his pockets and a slight furrow to his brows as he studies the new face of the company. A couple of staff members nearby hold their breaths as they watch the young CEO, waiting for him to give some suggestions or even criticism.
On the receiving end of that intense gaze, Sunoo involuntarily shivers when something flashes in the older’s eyes. Hunger.
The idol quickly whips his eyes away, careful not to accidentally look in that direction again. It isn’t until Jongseong leaves a few minutes later that Sunoo finally lets out a sigh of relief. They snap a few more photos before the photographer decides it’s time to change sets, and Sunoo takes the opportunity to sneak away to the bathroom.
Staring into the mirror, Sunoo is pleased to find that he doesn’t look flustered at all despite feeling warm all over, the foundation doing a fantastic job at concealing his flushed skin. Splashing cold water on his burning face sounds really enticing right now, but Sunoo knows better than to ruin his makeup. He settles for running his hands under the cool water instead, cupping some up to wet his forearms.
Sunoo’s short moment of peace ends when he hears an ominous click. Through the mirror, he sees none other than Park Jongseong himself walking inside.
Taken aback by the young CEO’s second surprise appearance of the day, Sunoo freezes and contemplates hiding in the stall. It’s clearly too late though when Jongseong meets his gaze as the heavy door slams shut behind him.
The older decides to speak first. “Sunoo,” he says simply from his spot just beside the door, not walking any closer.
“Mr. Park…”
“Jay hyung.”
Sunoo’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “I’m sorry?”
The older finally walks across the room until he’s less than arm’s length away from the idol. “Call me Jay hyung. I was born in America, so all my friends call me Jay. I’m not going to let someone I fucked call me Mr. Park.”
Sunoo almost chokes at Jay’s blunt choice of awards but plays it off as clearing his throat. “Well, hyung, it was um, nice seeing you. I’m just going to go back now if you’ll excuse me…”
Sunoo’s ready to make his escape, but in the blink of an eye, he’s trapped between the older’s arms and the solid marble of the bathroom countertop.
“You can drop the act Sunoo, there’s no one else here,” he whispers. Dark eyes scan Sunoo’s face, and the younger squirms under the intense gaze. “Why didn’t you text me?”
“You...”
“Hmm?”
“You have a fiancé…”
Jay blinks for a moment before barking out a laugh, incredulous. “You can sleep with me for a brand ambassador deal but draw the line at that? I didn’t realize you had such strong morals.”
With one last chuckle, he leans in. For a fleeting moment, Sunoo thinks he’s going to kiss him, until the older grabs a paper towel from the dispenser behind him and starts drying Sunoo’s damp hands instead.
Sunoo blushes at Jay’s firm but careful motions, warmth seeping through the thin material. A distant memory surfaces in Sunoo’s mind of the same familiar grip–but on his thighs instead.
Get a hold of yourself! Sunoo internally screams at himself. The dick canNOT be that good!!!
It takes all of his self-control to snatch the paper towel from Jay’s hands. “I-It’s dry now!” he blurts out, balling it up in his fist and tossing it in the nearest bin at the speed of light.
Unfortunately, it’s clear the businessman isn’t done with him. Hands now freed, they surge up to cup his face instead and Sunoo’s mind goes blank.
“Did you know,” Jay whispers, and the idol can’t help but let out a gasp when he feels hot breath tickling his ear, “that our new lipsticks are waterproof?”
Sunoo gulps and struggles in his reply, eyes darting around to look anywhere but at Jay. “R-really?”
The older hums. “You should learn more about our products now that you’re our ambassador.”
Sunoo’s breath hitches as he watches Jay’s eyes fixate on his mouth like he’s under some sort of spell. The older doesn’t hesitate before extending his thumb to lightly brush over the corner of Sunoo’s glossy, pink lips before murmuring, “I wonder if they’re kiss proof as well?”
Obsidian orbs flick up to meet Sunoo’s warm honey brown, and Sunoo seems something burning behind them.
“You wanna test that?”
He’s moving closer and closer, never breaking eye contact–almost daring Sunoo to object, to pull away. But Sunoo can’t, not when he barely remembers how to breathe, knuckles turning white as they grip the marble ledge with all his remaining strength. All he can do is stare back, as though hypnotized, his mind completely blank.
A shaky breath finally escapes Sunoo’s trembling lips when their faces are merely inches apart. “W-we can’t,” he protests, but it’s so weak it’s barely even a whisper. “Your fiancé…”
“He won’t give a fuck,” Jay mumbles. And with that, he gives Sunoo one last dark look–one that Sunoo realizes is his final warning, his only chance to run away–before Jay’s warm hand slides over his nape, closing the feeble gap between them.
Sunoo’s last string of guilt and hesitation dissipates into thin air the moment their lips crash together, and all he can think about is how good it feels. He’s already lost track of their surroundings, a high-pitched whine shamelessly leaves his throat at the feeling of Jay’s hot tongue licking into his mouth. Sunoo can barely keep up, can’t even attempt to fight for dominance when his spit is dribbling messily down his chin, a high-pitched whine escaping his throat as he feels Jay’s other hand slide down to knead his ass through the denim.
A tiny voice in the back of Sunoo’s head complains it’s a little pathetic that a mere makeout session has him this gone. And maybe that’s true, but Sunoo doesn’t have time to worry about that when right now he’s even struggling to stay upright, delicate hands gripping the front of Jay’s jacket for dear life.
He vaguely registers the feeling of a hand slipping into his back pocket, and he tries to break away to ask what Jay’s doing, but the older just hugs him even closer and kisses him even harder until Sunoo can no longer form a coherent thought.
After a few minutes, Sunoo sits on the countertop, dazed as he allows the older to wipe away the mess of saliva and lipstick smeared all over his chin.
“Hmm,” Jay smiles cheekily as he gently swipes his handkerchief across Sunoo’s lips, removing the remainder of the lipstick he’s supposed to be modelling. “It seems we still need to make some tweaks to the formula before release.”
Once satisfied, he tucks the piece of cloth back into his inner pocket before fixing Sunoo’s bangs. Looking into the mirror behind Sunoo, he straightens his suit, gives one last peck on Sunoo’s now bare lips, and then he’s gone.
Sunoo’s still staring at the closed door, trying to process what just happened when he feels a buzz in his back pocket.
Unknown Number
Hey
Will you save my number this time?
🥺Please?
Lol
What the hell. No way this is the same guy who just kissed the daylights out of him against the bathroom counter. It’s so absurd that Sunoo laughs until he starts tearing up and inky mascara-laden tears are running down his cheeks.
He returns to the set with his makeup completely ruined, and only feels a little guilty when the makeup artist gives him a disappointed look.
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Sunoo’s not sure how it happened.
At first, he only responded out of courtesy. After all, Jay is still the CEO of the brand Sunoo’s working with. Their exchanges are sparse, just short replies here and there, but Jay is persistent, refusing to let the conversation die like Sunoo is so desperately hoping for.
In the end, Sunoo is no match for the Korean-American. Soon they’re texting every day, and Sunoo somehow finds himself sacrificing beauty sleep in favour of arguing over the appeal of mint choco with Jay and helping him choose a colour for his new guitar.
Sunoo tries to convince himself that texting is okay. Late-night mint chocolate debates and playful bickering with eye-roll emojis are relatively harmless. Texting is still safe. He can do that.
But what’s his excuse for readily agreeing to have dinner at Jay’s favourite restaurant? For putting on his favourite jeans that hug his curves in all the right places, and that low-cut baby pink top that he knows drives men crazy? For blushing and fluttering his eyelashes shyly when Jay wipes pasta sauce off his lips with a warm smile?
What’s his excuse for waking up in Jay’s arms again… and again… and again?
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On the weekdays, Jay sends Sunoo photos of stray kittens and random mint chocolate items he sees during his commute. On the weekends, Jay fucks his brains out on the top floor of the Grand Hyatt.
Outside of their midnight rendezvous, Jay’s the perfect… lover, always asking Sunoo about his day, reminding him to eat his meals, spoiling him with all sorts of gifts. When Sunoo had casually mentioned he skipped breakfast one morning, Jay immediately sent an entire food truck to Sunoo’s filming site and told the production crew it was Sunoo’s treat.
Still, no matter how sweet Jay treats him, Sunoo knows he’s not his.
Guilt eats away at his insides, and he constantly struggles with the back-and-forth between finally ending it for good and resigning to just screw it and enjoy the moment while it lasts.
Once, Sunoo barely gathered enough courage to ask.
“Hyung, about your engagement–”
Jay’s expression only broke for a second to reveal mild uncomfort before it promptly smoothed over. “Can we not talk about this right now?” And then he was feeding Sunoo a spoonful of chocolate mousse to shut him up.
So Sunoo doesn’t ask anymore. Jay doesn’t bring it up. When Sunoo hesitates, what he really wants to say—what he should say–is on the tip of his tongue, Jay pulls him in closer, squeezes his waist a little tighter, kisses him harder until the words are shoved back down his throat again.
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If there were such a thing as soulmates, Sunoo knows Yang Jungwon would be his. That’s his ride-or-die, his platonic other half, his twin flame. They’ve been joined at the hip ever since the day the younger transferred to Sunoo’s school, and even now they still make sure to see each other at least once every other week despite Sunoo’s demanding schedule as an idol and all of Jungwon’s hectic overtime. From his favourite pizza toppings to the story of how he lost his virginity in the dingy trainee dorm, there’s nothing about him that Jungwon doesn’t know.
Well, except for one thing.
Sunoo’s in the kitchen mixing their cocktails, trying to get the perfect ratio of tequila to orange juice so that it’ll make them the good kind of drunk and won’t taste like ass when he hears the doorbell ring.
“Wonie!” he hollers, peeking out from the kitchen in search of his best friend scrolling through his phone in the living room. “Can you get the door? It’s our food.”
After an affirmative reply from the younger, Sunoo resumes his task at hand. It’s only when he’s arranging the little maraschino cherries that he realizes Jungwon is being suspiciously quiet.
“Wonie? What’s taking you so long?” He peers over the wall separating the kitchen from the living room–and nearly has a heart attack when he sees his best friend cradling a huge bouquet of pink lilies with one arm while holding a small card with the other.
“DO NOT READ THAT!”
Too late.
“To my sunshine, the light of my life. From, Jay hyung.” Jungwon reads before screeching, “Jay hyung? Who the fuck is Jay hyung?! KIM SUNOO!”
Sunoo snatches the card from Jungwon’s hand. “Nobody!”
Clearly unconvinced, Jungwon follows him to the couch and shoves the bouquet into Sunoo’s lap before continuing his interrogation. “Is he a celebrity? Another idol? An actor? Model? Athlete?”
“No, he’s just… a regular person,” Sunoo says. He buries his face into the flowers, letting the soft pink petals tickle his cheeks and takes a deep breath. Sweet. Sunoo recalls offhandedly mentioning last week that his favourite flowers were lilies. He can’t believe Jay remembered.
Jungwon makes a disgusted face at Sunoo’s flushed cheeks, the idol smiling like a fool as he stares down at the bouquet with a dreamy look in his eyes.
“Ugh, I hate people in love.”
Sunoo ignores the younger when he fakes a gag before retreating to the kitchen, bringing back with him the two glasses of tequila sunrise Sunoo had abandoned earlier.
“You know, my boss is in love too.”
Sunoo freezes. “The old director?”
Jungwon shakes his head, setting Sunoo’s glass on the coffee table before taking a sip from his own glass with a loud smack of his lips.
“No, I’m talking about my boss boss. You know, Park Jongseong, that bastard who suddenly decided to completely change our new lipstick line and the reason why I’ve been practically living at the office for the past two weeks.”
Sunoo breaks out in a cold sweat.
“Oh my god, I need to tell you what happened today,” Jungwon says excitedly, plopping down beside Sunoo on the couch. He leans forward, lowering his voice as if they weren’t the only ones in Sunoo’s apartment. “I went to Mr. Park’s office to give him a report this morning, and guess what I saw on his monitor before he quickly switched the tab?”
“What?” Sunoo croaks even though he doesn’t want to know.
“It was a website for flower arrangements, you know those cringy over-the-top ones only couples would waste money on… kind of like the one this Jay guy sent you!”
Sunoo’s heart drops to his stomach even while he tries to laugh along with Jungwon. He has never been good at lying to his best friend. Luckily, the younger doesn’t seem to notice.
“To be honest, Mr. Park’s engagement with the heir of the Lee Group is kind of an open secret at our company. The chairmen apparently have been friends forever, and I heard they wanted to merge their subsidiaries–”
Ding-dong!
Sunoo lets out a sigh of relief. Saved by the bell.
“That must be the pizza!” Springing off the couch, he quickly makes a beeline for the door. Jungwon cheers.
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One day, Jay knocks on Sunoo’s door and wakes him up in the middle of the night. Or it might be morning. All Sunoo knows is that Jay looks way too energetic considering it’s still pitch-black outside.
“When you said we should meet up before my flight, I was imagining brunch and mimosas,” he grumbles sleepily, head rolling to rest against the car window while the older buckles him in. “Where are we even going?”
Jay laughs. “You’ll see.” He gives Sunoo a quick peck on the cheek before settling back into the driver's seat. “Get some sleep, I’ll wake you up when we get there.”
Sunoo doesn’t need to be told twice because he knocks out as soon as the words leave Jay’s mouth.
After what seems like only five minutes but is probably closer to an hour, he feels Jay shaking him awake.
“Sunshine,” Jay whispers, brushing away a stray strand of hair from Sunoo’s forehead. “Wake up, we’re here.”
“Mmm…” Sunoo mumbles. It takes a few more minutes of coaxing from the older, but eventually Sunoo climbs out of the car. At the sight before him, he rubs his eyes not once, but twice.
A mountain.
Sunoo suddenly has an ominous feeling when he turns around slowly and meets the older’s eyes.
“Nothing like a good hike to start the day!” Jay says cheerily. Sunoo suddenly has a strong urge to punch someone.
“Start the day? The night hasn’t even ended yet!” Sunoo exclaims. His jaw drops upon witnessing the older strap a fucking headlamp around his forehead.
Oh my god. Why can’t Jay be the Patagonia fleece vest and bouldering kind of finance bro instead? Okay, Sunoo doesn’t mean that. But that still doesn’t mean he’s happy about going on a hike at four-fucking-a.m.
Sunoo decides that if he doesn’t get eaten by a wild animal, he might just kill Park Jongseong instead. Either way, a murder is happening on this mountain today.
It takes them just shy of three hours to get to the top, and Sunoo makes sure to grumble about missing his beauty sleep and how dark and cold it is the entire time. Jay just laughs at his antics and stashes hot packs into Sunoo's hands tucked in his jacket pockets until the younger’s complaining about his skin burning off.
And when Jay leaves his own hand in Sunoo’s pocket as well, it’s just a coincidence that his complaints get a little quieter.
Sunoo would never admit it out loud, but after overcoming his initial tiredness, it is kinda fun. Sunoo’s never been in the mountains at night before, and there’s a certain thrill to exploring the forest in the dark. It reminds Sunoo of the scary movies he loves to watch, except he doesn’t feel scared at all with Jay’s warm hands securely wrapped around his.
It would be even better if the metal band on Jay’s ring finger weren’t digging into the palm of his hand, though.
They finally reach the top just when the sun’s peeking through the horizon, and the view is absolutely breathtaking.
“Wow,” Sunoo breathes as he takes in all the brilliant shades of orange and red with wide eyes, complaints suddenly long forgotten.
Snap.
Sunoo whips around just in time to see Jay lower his phone.
“Beautiful,” he whispers, looking straight at Sunoo. It’s extremely cheesy but it makes Sunoo flush red anyway, cheeks almost the same colour as the sky above them.
“What? I was talking about the sunrise,” Jay deadpans before breaking out into a teasing cackle, swiftly dodging Sunoo’s annoyed kicks.
As Sunoo stands there, admiring the way the rising sun casts a warm glow on the trees below them, Jay takes a blanket out of his backpack and sets it on the ground. Sunoo sits down and closes his eyes, taking a moment to appreciate the fresh morning air, the chirping of birds, and the tranquillity of nature in the early hours he’s rarely able to appreciate due to his hectic idol lifestyle.
When he opens his eyes again, he’s surprised to find a plate of cut-up fruit and fancy gourmet sandwiches on the blanket in front of him.
He picks up one of the sandwiches and takes a bite. “Mmm, these are so good,” he exclaims, excitedly turning around to find Jay’s fond eyes watching him. “Where did you buy these? I can’t believe there was anything open this early.”
Jay coughs. “Actually… I made them.”
Sunoo’s eyes widen, pausing mid-bite. “You made these?”
The older looks almost bashful as he nods, hiding his face behind his own sandwich. It’s Sunoo’s first time seeing the man so flustered and he can’t help but find the sight endearing.
“I’ve been learning how to cook as a hobby,” he admits shyly before shoving a thermos in the idol’s hands.
“What’s this?”
“Hot chocolate. Try it.”
Sunoo’s usually not the biggest fan of hot chocolate, so he takes a tentative sip and is met with a pleasant surprise. Instead of the sickly sweet liquid he was expecting, it’s smooth with a refreshing twist. “Wait, is this…?”
Jay grins proudly at Sunoo’s wide-eyed reaction. “Peppermint white hot chocolate,” he confirms. “Since you like mint chocolate, I thought you’d like this as well.”
It’s funny. When he first met Jay, the CEO was all expensive suits and suave smiles. Sunoo remembers thinking he was one of the most flawless people he’d ever met, to the point where it was a little intimidating.
And now, that same man sits cross-legged on a fuzzy blanket, dressed in black joggers and a reflective windbreaker, disheveled hair blown a mess by the wind hanging over his forehead as he angles his head to shine the headlamp into his gigantic hiking backpack, because of course he has the full hiking getup like the inner dork that he really is.
Maybe no longer untouchable like Sunoo’s first impression of him, but just as perfect.
It’s freezing and Sunoo can barely feel his toes, but with every sip of the hot chocolate Jay personally made for him, he feels a warmth spreading inside, starting from his heart.
When the older’s rummaging ends with him pulling out a tangerine and proceeds to peeling it for Sunoo, eyebrows scrunched as he carefully removes all the stringy white bits–that’s when Sunoo realizes he’s truly and utterly fucked.
｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡
There are five stages of grief and Sunoo is speedrunning all of them.
Maybe he’s being dramatic, grieving over something that didn’t even happen–something that’ll probably never happen. He’s grieving the loss of a love that’ll never come to fruition, a relationship that’s doomed from the moment he laid eyes on Park Jongseong.
Originally, following their first encounter Sunoo was determined not to get involved with the man again. Nothing good could come out of an entanglement with a chaebol with a whole ass fiancé waiting at home.
Clearly, that didn’t work out.
Then Sunoo foolishly believed he could handle casual fun, that he was only entertaining this because the older was good in bed, that they were only satisfying each other’s needs with no strings attached. He knows it's common among the rich and famous–convenient arrangements between people who understand that each other’s fast-paced lives are no environment to foster anything deeper.
The first stage of grief: denial.
Yeah, so maybe it wasn’t a good idea to cuddle and wake up in the arms of your supposed fuckbuddy. But he was so sleepy after God knows how many consecutive mind-blowing orgasms, and Jay didn’t seem like he was going to let go of Sunoo’s waist anytime soon. It was just so comfortable and warm in those sheets that he accidentally fell asleep a few times, and now it would be weird if he started leaving early all of a sudden.
And the gifts. God, even Sunoo’s ex-boyfriends didn’t send him gifts literally every single day like Jay does. From mint chocolate desserts to sweet-smelling bouquets to diamond necklaces that probably cost as much as a car, the young CEO was practically courting Sunoo like a goddamn princess. But that’s Jay’s choice, and it’s not like Sunoo can stop him. He also likes being pampered, so he’s willing to look the other way.
Now that he thinks about it, none of his ex-lovers ever took him to see the sunrise or made him food either… Do friends with benefits go on hiking dates? They didn’t even have freaky outdoor sex in the woods, nor did he ride Jay in the backseat of his Mercedes (not that Sunoo was thinking about it). Stomach full and half asleep, he only vaguely remembers the older piggybacking him halfway down the mountain before being dropped off home with nothing more than a chaste peck goodbye.
Shit. That sounds suspiciously like a…date. Like, a date date. Which is impossible because they are not dating.
The second stage of grief is anger.
Why’s Jay acting like this? Sunoo already feels guilty as it is, but at least he tried to keep things physical. He’s not a religious person but he probably earned his ticket to hell after the very first night he tumbled into Jay’s bed. Despite that, Sunoo tried to maintain his last shred of conscience by convincing himself at least they weren’t cheating emotionally. Jay’s fiancé had his heart while Sunoo was just borrowing his body.
But when Sunoo pulls, Jay pushes twice as hard. When Sunoo replies to Jay’s texts with a dry one-word response, Jay mistakens it for Sunoo feeling under the weather and sends him the Earl Grey tiramisu he saw Sunoo eyeing while scrolling through TikTok to cheer him up. When Sunoo’s trying to convince himself this is all casual, Jay holds his face in his warm hands and looks at Sunoo with such a tender expression that, for a few seconds, Sunoo basks in the delusion of a happy ending–before remembering that he’s basically some rich man’s mistress.
Park Jongseong, you son of a bitch. Sunoo thinks it’s not fair that the older’s ruining all of his attempts to keep a distance. Isn’t he doing this partly for Jay’s benefit as well? For fuck’s sake, Sunoo’s not the one with a fiancé.
Then comes the depression.
Sunoo’s not stupid–clearly, Jay also feels something for him. He notices the way the older gazes at him fondly when he thinks he’s not watching, the way the older would gift him things Sunoo had casually mentioned in passing conversation. Every lingering touch, every affectionate glance–Jay doesn’t have to say anything, Sunoo can read between the lines.
But what breaks Sunoo’s heart is that he’s not enough. Though Jay may have a soft spot for Sunoo somewhere in his heart, it’s obvious that’s all he’s allowing Sunoo to be.
Every time Sunoo musters the courage to ask about Jay’s fiancé or family, the older would quickly change the subject. All Sunoo can do is ignore the pang in his chest and let him.
Don’t cross the line.
His questions may have been answered with silence, but the message was loud and clear.
What a cruel man Park Jongseong is, treating Sunoo like he’s the closest thing to his heart, yet not letting him in it.
And the only stage Sunoo is still stuck on is acceptance. He’s trapped in a limbo, not quite ready to leave Jay’s warm embrace, because it’s so easy to keep playing pretend, to let Jay spoil him and play house. Yet every brush of the cool platinum band against his feverish skin serves as an excruciating reminder that even if what Jay feels for him were something close to love, Sunoo’s still not the love.
And then there’s a secret sixth stage not described in the articles on grief Sunoo pored over, something so ugly people would be shocked that the bright-eyed idol Kim Sunoo is capable of.
Greed.
Not to be full of himself, but Sunoo knows he’s too young and beautiful to be someone’s side piece. There’s a whole line of men and women waiting outside ready to kneel at his feet, and dozens of A-list celebrities sliding into his DMs every single day. Maybe he’s no longer at the height of his fame, but he’s still the Kim Sunoo, for God’s sake.
He doesn’t want to share anymore–he wants all of Jay. He’s tired of feeling guilty and sorry for this mysterious fiancé, because why is he feeling bad for the one person who has what Sunoo desires most?
During silent car rides to the broadcasting station, when he has nothing better to do, Sunoo likes to fantasize about the what ifs. What if Jay’s in love with Sunoo too? What’s stopping him from breaking off the engagement to be with him instead?
Sometimes Sunoo daydreams of a paparazzi exposing them, evidence of their affair splashed on the front page of every newspaper. Sure, Sunoo’s career would probably be destroyed and both of them would be shunned by the nation, but running away to an island together and living in hiding for the rest of their lives sounds pretty romantic. Or maybe, just maybe, what if he tips a reporter off…aaand that’s just his intrusive thoughts talking, but still.
Sunoo is tired. All paths lead to the same fork in the road, and it’s just a matter of time before either he or Jay will have to make a decision.
When it comes to matters of the heart, Sunoo was never one to linger at the perimeter only to tiptoe around the flickering embers. No, he prefers to dive headfirst into the inferno, craves to burn hot and bright with no inhibitions. He wants to rip his heart right out of his ribcage and offer it on a silver platter, crimson and pulsing, to someone who would pump Sunoo’s veins full of their own blood in return.
It’s either all or nothing.
｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡
Sunoo is getting ready to go home after spending the entire day holed up in the company, energy drained by meetings after meetings going over the concept and direction of his next comeback, when his phone buzzes with a message from Jay.
jay hyung <3
Hey sunshine
Can I pick you up in 20 min for dinner?
(If you’re not too tired)
Giddy, Sunoo texts back a quick confirmation before dashing to the bathroom to reapply his lip gloss and fix his hair. He runs into his manager on the way and tells him to go on ahead without him. His manager raises a questioning eyebrow but thankfully doesn’t say anything, which is good because one less person to lie to equals one less thing to stress about. Although knowing the man, Sunoo knows he’s bound to be grilled about it at one point.
Exactly twenty-five minutes later, Sunoo finds himself sliding into the passenger seat of Jay’s car. The older greets him by shoving an enormous bouquet of sunflowers into his lap.
“What’s this?” Sunoo asks, as if it’s not routine by now for Jay to bring him flowers every time they meet. He just likes seeing Jay’s proud expression when he pretends to be surprised.
“Sunflowers for my sunflower.” Sunoo rolls his eyes when the older smirks at him before quickly making work of the younger’s seatbelt. He then reaches over to lace one of his hands with Sunoo’s while the other hand grips the steering wheel.
Jay takes him to a fancy Japanese omakase restaurant where they enjoy the privacy of a private room while the head chef personally spoons caviar onto their plates. Sunoo tries not to moan when he brings a piece of sashimi to his mouth that’s so tender it basically melts on his tongue. Call him shallow, but sleeping with a rich man sure has its perks.
Sunoo is having a great time. The restaurant is beautiful, the food’s exquisite, and Sunoo even finds himself laughing at the old chef’s corny seafood puns. They accept the waiter’s drink recommendation even though Sunoo’s usually not the biggest fan of Japanese liquor, and he’s pleasantly surprised to find it more than palatable. Jay seems to think the same, evident in the way his laughter grows in volume (and in the way his hand sneaks dangerously high up Sunoo’s thigh under the table, but nobody has to know).
When it finally comes time to head home, Jay immediately starts attacking Sunoo’s neck once they settle into the backseats. Sunoo is absolutely mortified when the chauffeur silently rolls up the partition to give them privacy.
Thankfully, they manage to make it to the hotel without defiling the car or the poor driver’s ears, though the drunken CEO does try to steal a kiss here and there and ends up pouting for the remainder of the ride after Sunoo shoots him a warning glare.
They pass the reception with just a wave of Jay’s hand and head straight into the VIP elevator, where Jay crowds him against the wall and leaves a trail of wet kisses down Sunoo’s throat.
His mouth doesn’t leave Sunoo’s skin for a long, long time.
The next morning, Sunoo opens his eyes to honey skin and a familiar weight draped around his waist. Not wanting to wake the older up, he carefully tries to slip out of Jay’s hold–only to yelp in surprise when he’s suddenly tugged right back into his arms.
“Morning,” Jay mumbles huskily, leaning down in search of Sunoo’s lips without even opening his eyes.
“Hyung, let go!” Sunoo turns his face to the side, giggling when Jay plants a kiss on the ticklish spot behind his ear instead. “I feel so gross right now. Let me shower first.”
“Nonsense. You’re always pretty,” the older insists, but finally lets him go after planting a kiss on the corner of his mouth, smiling sleepily at Sunoo.
Something uncomfortable twists inside Sunoo’s chest, so he quickly escapes to the bathroom to drown himself in the coconut-scented lather of the complimentary hotel body wash. He takes his sweet time in the shower and finally leaves the steaming bathroom to the sight of a little hotel cart full of his favourite brunch items.
“Come sit,” Jay motions to Sunoo towards the kitchenette area while he places the dishes from the cart onto the counter one by one.
A few almond croissants and a mimosa later, Sunoo accepts Jay’s offer to drive him home, and they head down the elevator together.
Sunoo’s too busy laughing at something silly Jay said that he doesn’t notice when the VIP elevator opens before the ground floor.
“Jongseong?”
Sunoo gets a feeling that something’s wrong when Jay suddenly stops laughing and stiffens.
“Oh,” he says, his previously scrunched-up smile straightening into one devoid of any emotion. “Heeseung.”
Sunoo doesn’t recognize that name, but an unsettling feeling washes over him nonetheless. He turns around in time to see an absolutely drop-dead gorgeous man nod at Jay before big deer eyes land on Sunoo. As an idol, Sunoo’s surrounded by countless beautiful faces, but this man’s face card doesn’t lose to any actor or model. Even the way he’s casually leaning against the elevator doors looks like a pose straight out of a men’s fashion magazine.
Sunoo shifts nervously under the stranger’s curious gaze, unsure if he’s allowed to introduce himself to Jay’s acquaintances.
Jay seems to notice his dilemma. “Ah, this is–”
“Kim Sunoo,” the beautiful stranger says with a smile, finally stepping fully inside the elevator. “I listen to your songs all the time, you have an amazing voice.”
“Thank you,” Sunoo replies warily as the man pushes the close button before turning to extend a hand towards Sunoo.
“I’m Lee Heeseung of the Lee Group,” he pauses before continuing, “and Jongseong’s… fiancé.”
Sunoo feels his heart plummet to his stomach, the blood in his veins turning into ice. He can sense not only Heeseung’s but also Jay’s eyes on him, and briefly wonders what expression Jay’s wearing while watching the interaction between his soon-to-be husband and his affair partner, but he’s not brave enough to check.
Sunoo ignores his heart pounding in his ears and swallows the panic rising in his throat before replying in a surprisingly even voice.
“Nice to meet you, Heeseung-ssi. As you know, I’m Kim Sunoo. I’m, uh,” The man your fiancé is cheating with? “I’m the brand ambassador for Mr. Park’s company.”
Sunoo breaks out in a cold sweat when Heeseung raises an eyebrow and looks over at Jay. They seem to be silently communicating something through their eyes, but Sunoo can’t take it anymore.
As soon as the doors open, he practically dashes out of the claustrophobic space. “I’ll, uh, head out first. My manager’s here.”
“I thought I was driving you?”
Sunoo shakes his head, looking down at his blank phone screen when he feels his eyes stinging with the threat of tears. “It’s fine, my manager happened to be nearby,” he lies smoothly, ignores the confusion in Jay’s eyes and speedwalks the fuck out of there.
When he’s finally outside the hotel, Sunoo pulls on his mask, jumps in the first taxi he sees, and promptly bursts into tears.
｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡
“Sunoo hyung?”
Jungwon's confused voice is hoarse through the intercom, having been woken up way too early on a Saturday by Sunoo’s incessant ringing.
All remnants of sleep are dispelled when he opens the front door and his best friend jumps into his arms, a bawling mess.
“Wonie,” Sunoo cries pitifully, voice muffled in Jungwon’s cotton pajama shirt. “I fucked up. Real bad.”
A cup of hot tea and half a box of tissues later, Sunoo and Jungwon are cuddled up on the latter’s couch when the idol finally opens his mouth, recounting the story beginning with his encounter with the young CEO at the wedding.
“Wait,” Jungwon interrupts, “this mysterious Jay hyung was Park Jongseong? As in Mr. Park, my boss?!”
Sunoo nods and blows his nose.
Jungwon’s eyebrows scrunch up in confusion. “B-but isn’t he…isn’t he…Oh.” It finally clicks in Jungwon’s head as he regards Sunoo with pity. “Oh, hyung.”
Sunoo can only close his eyes and turn away in shame.
“Never mind,” the younger sighs and wraps his arms around his friend, resting his fluffy bedhead on Sunoo’s shoulder. “Fuck that manwhore. You can do so much better, hyung.”
Sunoo lets out a watery laugh. That’s how he knows Jungwon is truly his best friend. Sunoo could probably become a serial killer and Jungwon would still have his back.
He lets himself be comforted by the younger’s presence for a few minutes, the latter rubbing soothing circles on his back before suddenly lifting his head.
“Give me your phone,” Jungwon demands before practically snatching it from Sunoo’s lap. He momentarily holds it in front of the idol’s face to unlock it before scrolling through it with a determined fire behind his eyes.
“What are you doing?” Sunoo sniffs but makes no attempt to stop him.
“Blocking his shit from your phone, that’s what.”
Sunoo doesn’t have the heart to tell Jungwon that Jay knows where he lives so if he ignores him for long enough, the CEO can just show up at his house. But for now, Sunoo just snuggles deeper into Jungwon’s side and takes a deep whiff of his lavender fabric softener.
It almost calms the feeling of impending doom clawing at his heart. Almost.
｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡
Sure enough, it takes only two days of radio silence before he catches sight of a familiar figure waiting in his apartment building’s underground parking garage, leaning against the side of his car.
Jay’s head snaps up at the thud of the heavy metal door that leads to the elevators and they immediately make eye contact. Upon seeing the younger, he walks up to Sunoo in wide strides and grabs his hands.
“Sunoo! Are you okay?” Jay asks, voice frantic, carefully studying Sunoo’s face. “Why haven’t you been answering my texts?”
“I’m fine, hyung, just…” Sunoo says quietly, shaking his head when the older man asks if he’s not feeling well.
He doesn’t dare to look at Jay’s face when he untangles their hands and takes a step back.
The air shifts, and he feels Jay still his breath. “Sunoo?”
“Hyung, I–, ” he starts, voice cracking. Sunoo’s glad they’re no longer holding hands because they’re probably shaking right now. He takes a deep breath, swallowing down the incoming tears before continuing what he’s been rehearsing in his head for the past two days. “I think it’s time we put an end to…this.”
A beat of silence. Then two. Sunoo can feel Jay’s gaze sitting heavy on his face, yet his eyes are still stubbornly trained on the concrete ground of the parking garage.
“…Why?”
Sunoo chews on his bottom lip, a habit he hasn’t relapsed into since his trainee days, and sighs. “It’s not right, hyung. You’re about to be a married man and I’m–”
“Is this because you met Heeseung the other day? I promise it’s fine, I can–”
Upon hearing those words, Sunoo feels nothing but anger, flashing hot as it courses through his veins. Does Jay not feel an ounce of guilt for what they’re doing? Does he not feel sorry for his fiancé for his infidelity; for Sunoo, for getting his hopes up about a future that doesn’t exist?
“No, hyung,” he snaps, eyes finally darting up to look straight at Jay. Sunoo notes that they’re wide and desperate, because he seems to realize just what he’s about to lose, and that makes Sunoo feel a little better.
“It’s not only about you. It’s me. I’m over being your fucking side chick, I’m tired of sneaking around and meeting at hotels only after sundown, I’m sick of risking my reputation and career for”–he throws up his hands in exasperation–“whatever this is!”
Jay’s mouth parts as if to say something, but no sound comes out. Sunoo doesn’t give him a chance to find his words.
He gives the older one last tired, sad smile. “It was all fun in the first place, right? No strings attached.”
Jay doesn’t attempt to stop him when Sunoo turns around and speedwalks to where his manager is waiting in the company van. He pulls the doors open, flings himself into the back row, and watches Jay’s frozen figure grow smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror as they drive away.
When Jay finally disappears from sight, Sunoo pulls his knees up to his chin and buries his face in them, just staying in this position in silence until a heartbreaking sob finally escapes.
His manager doesn’t say anything.
｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡
With Sunoo’s latest comeback being a huge hit and a wave of new offers following the unexpected revival in his popularity, Sunoo’s almost too busy to think about Jay.
…That is a big, fat lie.
Too many things remind him of Jay–the flowers the president of his label presented to him after Sunoo single-handedly saved them from bankruptcy, the mint chocolate cake Sunoo’s fans sent to his music show pre-recording. Even the darkness of the nighttime reminds him of Jay.
Sunoo’s current strategy is to chug whatever alcoholic beverage is available until he falls asleep. Moving up to the North Pole where it’s daylight for like six months at a time also doesn’t sound like a bad idea.
It’s the night after the last day of the MAMA Awards in Japan, and Sunoo’s hanging out in the hotel’s VIP rooftop lounge with a bunch of other artists after performing at the awards show.
He shivers when a breeze passes by. It’s a bit chilly out, despite him choosing a seat right next to the patio heater.
“Cold?” asks Park Sunghoon, another idol who’s currently sitting beside Sunoo.
“Just a little,” Sunoo admits with a small smile, rubbing his hands together under the table.
Sunghoon wordlessly takes off his denim jacket and offers it to the younger, and Sunoo’s teeth are chattering too much for him to refuse.
He and Sunghoon fall into an easy conversation after that. Sunoo’s not super close with him anymore, though they did train at the same company for a long time, so it’s nice to catch up with an old friend.
At some point Sunoo gets a strange feeling someone watching him, but when he takes a look around he doesn’t see anyone. He shakes his head and concludes he must’ve had too much to drink.
Sunghoon’s phone buzzes and tells Sunoo he has to head back to his room. He goes over to talk to the sunbaes before circling back to his seat his seat where Sunoo tries to hand back the older’s jacket. Sunghoon refuses, draping it back around the younger idol.
“You didn’t even get your peach Bellini yet,” Sunghoon says teasingly, grinning as he tilts his head towards the bartender busy shaking up Sunoo’s cocktail. “Stay and finish your drink. Just give it back to me in the morning.”
Sunoo shakes his head. “My flight is at like, five in the morning.”
“Hm… then text me your room number and I’ll just quickly swing by later.”
Sunoo ends up staying for just twenty minutes or so after Sunghoon leaves, finishing his drink while ignoring the mysterious burn on the back of his head. When he’s feeling sufficiently buzzed enough to forget about the stray thoughts keeping him awake, Sunoo decides it’s time to leave. Citing his early flight as an excuse, Sunoo bids the other artists goodbye and retires to his room. He sends Sunghoon a message in the elevator, telling him to come get his jacket now, and immediately gets an ok in response.
He starts getting ready for bed the moment he steps into his room, starting with wiping off the icky layer of stage makeup followed by brushing his teeth. He’s spitting out the last bit of foam when he hears a knock at his door.
Sunoo doesn’t think twice before opening the door. “Hey Sunghoon–” What the fuck. “Jay??!!”
On the other side of the door frame is no other than the man Sunoo has been trying to push to the back of his mind for the past two months.
Standing there in a sleek black suit, Sunoo thinks he looks mostly the same–sharp features and an air of confidence that only someone who has achieved success at as young of an age as he did could possess. A lanyard hangs around the older’s neck, suggesting he must be attending the conference happening at the hotel.
Though upon a second glance, Sunoo can’t help but notice subtle differences in the older’s appearance. His hair, usually neatly slicked back, is a complete mess, sticking out in all directions as if the older had been mindlessly running his hands through it all night. The top two buttons of his shirt are undone, fabric scrunched to one side, telling Sunoo the older had yanked it open haphazardly. His face, while still handsome as always, looks gaunt, and the bags under his eyes are more sunken than before.
“Park Sunghoon,” Jay repeats in a low whisper, narrowed eyes looking straight into Sunoo’s, which are wide in shock. “Did you think I was him?”
His expression is blank, but his eyes are heavy with unspoken emotions, irritation laced with a flicker of something painful–something achingly close to longing.
Sunoo blinks once, twice, before finding his bearings again with a clear of his throat. “It’s none of your business,” he grumbles, self-consciously wiping the corner of his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt in case of any residual toothpaste. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I was invited to speak at a conference.”
“I meant what are you doing here, in front of my room.”
“I–” Jay starts and takes a frustrated breath, running a hand through his hair for what’s probably the umpteenth time that night, “I have something to say to you.”
“...Okay? Then say it.”
Jay raises an eyebrow, glancing around the hallway where a few other patrons have just returned from their evening plans. “Here?”
Sunoo sighs and steps aside to let the older in, which is probably not the best idea in the world but he’s too tired to think properly. “Make it quick, I have to wake up in like five hours.”
Jay waits by Sunoo’s bed while Sunoo disappears into the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth. A minute later he walks back into the room, sitting down in the armchair across from Jay and crossing his legs. “So?”
“Sunoo–”
Jay barely gets a word in before there’s another knock at the door, and Sunoo realizes it must be Sunghoon.
“Wait here,” he instructs the older, picking up the borrowed jacket hung over the back of the chair and a small paper bag from his suitcase before answering the door.
Sure enough, this time he opens the door to the face he’s actually expecting.
It seems Sunghoon just hopped out of the shower, face fresh and hair still partly damp, his stage outfit replaced with a loose t-shirt and sweatpants.
“Long time no see,” he jokes.
Sunoo rolls his eyes. “Thanks for lending me your jacket,” he says, handing Sunghoon said jacket along with the paper bag. “Some pastries I bought while walking around earlier,” he explains upon seeing Sunghoon’s confused expression, “you can share them with your members.”
“Sweet!” Sunghoon brightens, peeking inside the bag. “Thanks, Sunoo. I’m sure our maknaes will love them.”
The older idol looks back up and suddenly stiffens, eyes flickering to something behind Sunoo.
“Well um… I won’t bother you any longer. Have a good night, Sunoo. I’ll see you back in Korea.”
Sunoo’s a little confused at Sunghoon’s hasty exit but gives him a cute wave goodbye. His question is answered when he turns around and finds Jay standing right behind him.
“Holy shit, you scared me,” he yelps, clutching his chest. “Have you been standing behind me this whole time?”
Jay shrugs.
Sunoo inwardly groans. Now the nervous look in Sunghoon’s eyes all makes sense. “Ugh, he probably misunderstood–”
“Good,” the older mutters. Sunoo tries to shoot him a glare, but he quickly realizes just how close they’re standing. He takes a step back instinctively, only for Jay to follow. One more, and his back hits the door.
Sunoo swallows. This is bad. “So what did you come here to say?” he asks nonchalantly, ignoring the thick tension in the air.
Jay’s eyes follow the bob of Sunoo’s Adam’s apple. His face is still impassive, but now there’s a crazed edge to it even though Sunoo can’t pinpoint exactly what. “Are you dating him?”
The idol’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Who? Sunghoon?” he says incredulously. “What the fuck, no. Not that that’s any of your business.”
“Then are you fucking him?”
Sunoo grits his teeth, irritation starting to bubble under his skin. “Get the hell out of my room if that’s all you came here to say.”
In a flash, a strong pair of arms encircles his waist to pull him forward with a harsh tug, and then Sunoo finds Jay’s hot mouth on his. His head spins as his senses are invaded by woody cologne and a hint of bitterness he vaguely recognizes as whiskey. And because Sunoo is a weak, weak man, his body immediately becomes lax, his hands curling around Jay’s neck as if on reflex, releasing soft whimpers into their connected mouths while the older hums, pleased.
“You’re mine,” Jay growls, fervently biting and sucking on Sunoo’s plush lips. One particularly hard nibble has the latter gasping with a quiet yelp, and the older doesn’t waste the opportunity to prod into Sunoo’s mouth, their tongues meeting in a heated dance.
“Mine,” he repeats between heavy breaths, “mineminemine.” When spit starts dribbling down Sunoo’s chin, he doesn’t hesitate to lick it back up and into Sunoo’s awaiting mouth, hungrily drinking in every sigh and moan. His hand comes up to cradle Sunoo’s cheek, tilting his head to kiss him even deeper.
All Sunoo feels is that damn cold metal band–a jarring reminder of everything that he shouldn’t be doing.
It’s like somebody dumped a bucket of icy water over him, the way Sunoo’s eyes flew open as he finally breaks out of his trance. Jay must’ve felt the way Sunoo froze, because a second later he’s pulling back, wrenching his body away from Sunoo as if just realizing what he–what they–have done.
“Fuck,” he curses, dragging a hand roughly down his face, “I’m so sorry, Sunoo, I don’t know why I did that. I–” He looks up, and his expression suddenly morphs into one of horror. “Shit, baby. Did I hurt you? Are you okay?”
It’s then that Sunoo realizes that he’s crying. Hot tears stream down his cheeks, and he can only let out a choked cry when the endearment sends a ripple of something burning and painful through his organs. His knees go weak and his back slides down the door until he’s sitting on the floor. Through the blur of tears, he sees Jay following him to the ground in a panic, kneeling in front of him.
“It’s not fair,” he says between choked sobs, squeezing his eyes tightly when he feels a fresh batch of tears threatening to spill over. “It’s not fucking fair.”
Jay carefully reaches out to the younger, hands tentatively brushing the younger’s sides. When Sunoo doesn’t reject him, he brings him to his chest and lets Sunoo’s hot tears drench his shirt.
“It’s not fair,” he repeats in the quietest whisper, but he knows the older can hear him because Jay is cradling Sunoo’s face in the crook of his shoulder, his eyelashes brushing the older’s heart-shaped birthmark.
“You keep calling me yours, yet you’ll never be mine.”
Something flashes across Jay’s eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers into Sunoo’s soft hair, and he sounds pained. He strokes the silky strands soothingly while the idol continues to sob. “I’m so sorry, sunshine.”
It’s soft. It’s sweet. It’s pathetic, how Sunoo fell back into the same pair of arms he swore off not once but twice, how he melts right into them. It’s dangerous, how quickly it’s undoing the little progress Sunoo has made during their time apart.
And he’s embarrassed of being so fucking easy, of not being able to push Jay away again. Too ashamed to lift his head up, Sunoo just buries his face in the older’s neck when he feels the older wind an arm under his knees, picking him up and carrying him over to the bed. He’s too tired to complain when Jay wraps him in the comforter like a burrito before pulling him to his chest again, tucking Sunoo’s head under his chin.
Jay whispers reassuring words until Sunoo’s sobs turn into sniffles, and the sniffles eventually turn into even breaths as he falls into a deep sleep.
｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡
Sunoo wakes up the next morning to a soft voice and even softer touches.
Is this a dream?
The older chuckles at Sunoo's half-asleep antics when he shies away and tries to bury himself back into the blankets. “You’re going to miss your flight, sunshine.”
Jay?
It takes a few seconds for the memories of last night to flood back to Sunoo, and suddenly he’s wide awake.
A sick feeling of déjà vu welcomes him when he opens his eyes to a fully dressed Jay smiling down at him from beside the bed. Upon seeing the younger finally awake, Jay crouches until he’s eye-level with the half-asleep idol.
“I ordered you breakfast, make sure to eat before you leave, alright?” he says gently, brushing back the bangs sticking to Sunoo’s forehead. Sunoo doesn’t say anything, just watches as the older leans in like he’s about to kiss him before promptly stopping himself, filling the awkward pause with a cough.
He settles for a kiss over the comforter instead, right on top of the spot covering Sunoo’s hand.
“I have to go now,” Jay says regretfully, pulling away with a forlorn look on his face, “but wait for me, okay? I–I’m going to make this right. It won’t take too long, I promise. ” He looks into at Sunoo’s eyes pleadingly. “Wait for me, Sunoo. Please.”
Sunoo blinks once, twice. He searches his brain and finds only one answer.
“Okay.”
｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡
True to his word, Sunoo unblocks Jay’s number and waits. Only he’s not sure what he’s supposed to be waiting for.
So Sunoo waits… and waits… and waits. A week passes by without a peep from Jay, then two, then three. A month slips away and still nothing. Sunoo’s beginning to wonder if he had hallucinated the whole thing.
Still, he has at least enough pride left to not contact the older first (surprisingly).
On the bright side, Sunoo is doing a lot better these days. What’s changed after that night at the hotel was that Sunoo had oddly found… peace. He’s back to enjoying his favourite mint chocolate desserts without bittersweet memories making him nauseous and he can sleep through the night again without listening to the little angel and devil on his shoulders argue whether he made the right decision or the worst regret of his life.
Perhaps, this is the last stage of grief: acceptance. Maybe Jay got caught up in something out of his control, maybe he’ll finally reach out to Sunoo today. Or maybe he went home and had a change of heart, realized that whatever he had originally thought of doing wasn’t worth it, and that he’s better off leaving this mess behind. Maybe he decided to move on.
Whatever the case, Sunoo knows his self-worth. Even if he’s sad and disappointed, he’s not going to crawl back begging to a man who clearly doesn’t want anything to do with him. If Jay’s going to leave him high and dry, then Sunoo will accept it and finally close this tumultuous chapter of his life.
｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡
The night in Japan is already a distant memory to him when Sunoo’s doorbell rings at 11:11 pm on the dot on a Friday night.
And maybe Sunoo had a strange feeling when he woke up that morning, because he rejected Jungwon’s offer to go out in favour of sitting pretty at home.
That’s why despite his heart pounding faster with every step he takes towards the door, he’s remarkably calm when he opens it and finds Park Jay waiting on the other side, hands on his knees and droplets of sweat clinging to his damp hairline, panting as if he just ran a marathon.
“Sunoo,” he finally manages. The older seems to appear more dishevelled every time Sunoo sees him–shirt rumpled and untucked, tie loosened and hanging crooked around his neck, his suit jacket no longer across his back but hanging off the crook of his elbow. “How are you?”
“Good,” Sunoo replies carefully. It’s an odd choice of greeting after weeks of radio silence, but sure, he can humour him. “How are you, hyung?”
“Good,” Jay echoes, straightening up now that his breaths have fallen to an even pace. “Especially now that you’re here,” he says before hesitating, rolling his bottom lip between his teeth. “Can I…Can I give you a hug? I promise I’ll explain everything, just,” he holds his breath, hopeful eyes searching Sunoo’s, “I really want to hug you right now.”
Sunoo wordlessly opens his arms, and Jay all but collapses into them.
“I missed you,” he whispers into the soft fabric of Sunoo’s sweater, “I missed you so much.”
A heavy silence fills the room as Sunoo thinks of what to reply. In the end, he chooses honesty. “I missed you too, hyung,” he admits quietly.
They bask in each other’s embrace for a moment longer before Sunoo realizes that Jay is still half standing in the hallway. He pulls the older inside, swiftly shutting the door behind him.
Deciding not to waste any more time, he asks the question that’s been simmering in the back of his mind ever since he saw the older standing on the other side of the door.
“Did you finish doing… whatever you wanted me to wait for you to do?”
There are a few agonizing seconds where Jay just stares at him with an indecipherable expression, and Sunoo mentally braces for the worst. However, in an instant the hardness in his face disappears, eyebrows unfurrowing and eyes curving into gentle crescents, the tension in his jaw melting into a small half-smile.
“Yes,” he replies, and reaches for Sunoo’s hand to rub against Sunoo’s soft knuckles.
Sunoo looks back at him expectantly, waiting for the older to elaborate. The older just smiles, wordlessly continuing the small action.
Confused, Sunoo opens his mouth to ask why the older isn’t saying anything when it suddenly hits him, and a loud gasp escapes instead.
Oh.
Oh.
With his free hand, he grabs Jay’s wrist, successfully stopping the older’s movements. Finally, he lifts their joined hands, eyes wide and pupils trembling as he looks down to inspect the older’s fingers.
Sunoo lets out a disbelieving breath at the sight of an empty ring finger. “Y-your ring…”
The older’s gaze is heavy on Sunoo’s face, watching his reaction. “I broke it off,” he says simply.
Sunoo finally peels his eyes away from Jay’s hand to meet the older’s gaze before carefully asking, “Um… what about Heeseung-ssi?”
“Heeseung?” Jay huffs. “As long as the deal’s signed and sealed, Lee Heeseung couldn’t care less.” He gives Sunoo a small smile upon seeing his confused expression. “Our engagement was never real, Sunoo. Just something arranged by our old men, a warranty per se, for a merger between our airline businesses they’d been discussing since forever.”
Sunoo can do little more than just dumbly gawk at him.
“I never really minded before–it made our fathers happy and Heeseung and I had a mutual understanding to never interfere in each other’s personal affairs. We both don’t like talking about it because we know we’ll break it off eventually, but… I didn’t realize it was causing you such pain,” Jay says miserably, voice dropping with regret. He tightens his grip on Sunoo’s hands, as if the younger could slip away from him at any moment.
“And then after Japan, Heeseung and I tried to sign the contract as quickly as possible, but then all these issues kept popping up, and fuck–I was so scared you’d changed your mind, that you’d gotten tired of me, tired of waiting, but at the same time I didn’t have the face to come see you until I had everything sorted out.”
Jay drops his head lowly in shame before it snaps back up a moment later. “You… didn’t change your mind, did you?” he whispers, desperation evident in his tone. Eyes wide and pleading, there’s genuine fear in them as they search Sunoo’s face for an answer, knees wobbling as if he were one second away from kneeling on the marble tiles of Sunoo’s foyer and straight up begging.
It’s a striking contrast to the older’s usual air of poise and confidence, and Sunoo realizes he has never seen the young CEO this scared and unsure before. Sunoo is reminded of a scared little kitty abandoned on the side of the road–and well, luckily for Jay, Sunoo has always been weak to cute things.
“Well,” Sunoo hums noncommittally, “I did promise.”
Encouraged by Sunoo’s positive response, Jay laces their hands properly, bringing them to his lips and presses a featherlight kiss to the back of Sunoo’s hand. It reminds Sunoo of the first day they met when the older did the same thing.
Sunoo should’ve known he was a goner since then.
“Sunoo, I love you,” he confesses candidly, drawing Sunoo closer until they’re practically chest to chest. “I realized that there’s nothing in this world that matters to me more than you. I’m sorry for making you sneak around when anyone else would be more than happy to shout it from a rooftop just for you to spare them a glance. I’m sorry I put you through so much agony when I should’ve done this properly from the start.” He’s looking straight into Sunoo’s eyes, and Sunoo sees nothing there but sincerity. “But if I’m not too late, if you’ll still have me… will you let me be yours?”
Mine.
Sunoo faintly feels a prickling sensation in his eyes. A tear escapes, and Jay’s immediately brushing a gentle thumb against his cheek. It’s an fleeting touch, insignificant compared to everything else they’ve already done, but Sunoo has never felt so warm.
“Okay hyung,” he says, lips trembling and eyes curving into watery crescents, “you can be–”
He doesn’t get to finish the sentence because Jay’s lips are already crashing into his, moving against Sunoo with so much fervor, a stark contrast to impossibly gentle hands that are cradling Sunoo’s with all the tenderness in the world as if handling the finest china.
Sunoo melts right into the kiss, and the whole world fades as he loses himself against soft lips and something warm and electrifying bursting in his heart.
“But hyung,” Sunoo says when they finally part for oxygen, cherry lips shiny and bruised. “Please don’t shout anything from a rooftop. I am an idol, after all.”
“Okay, sunshine,” Jay laughs. “Now it’s my turn to be your little secret.”
｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡
As the Spice Girls once famously said: If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. That line is practically a law in Sunoo’s book, and he has made it plenty clear to Jay.
That’s why he’s currently sitting beside the older at a nice Italian restaurant, waiting for Jungwon’s arrival. He hopes his best friend will warm up to Jay, because he really likes Jay, and it would be a shame if he had to kiss him goodbye after all they’ve been through.
Unfortunately, Jungwon doesn’t have the best impression of Jay at the moment. Jay knows this and is thus sweating bullets, knees bouncing under the table as they anxiously glance at the door. Sunoo feels a little bad for him, but alas, he pledges to remain faithful to Jungwon’s verdict. Sorry, Jay.
“Why didn’t you offer him a ride? You guys literally work in the same building…”
“I tried but he just gave me this look and walked right past me and–”
“Ah-hem!”
The two startle in their seats as they look up to find Jungwon standing across the table, still clad in his office attire with one hand clutching a leather briefcase, looking wholly unimpressed.
“Wonie!” Sunoo jumps up to give Jungwon a tight hug, which the younger returns with his free arm.
“Hey hyung,” Jungwon says sweetly, dimples flashing as he smiles fondly at his favourite hyung–though it drops just as quickly when he makes eye contact with the other occupant of the table.
Unwrapping his arms from the younger, Sunoo pretends not to notice Jungwon’s sour expression as he gestures to Jay. “This is Jay hyung… or I guess Park Jongseong as you know him.”
The man in question immediately shoots up from his seat, giving the younger a stiff bow. “Hello, father-in-law,” he attempts to joke, but it falls flat when Jungwon doesn’t even crack a smile–just stares at him as if he were an insignificant worm on the ground.
A nudge or two later from the idol, Jungwon eventually returns the bow with reluctance. “Hello Mr. Park,” he says coldly.
“Please, we’re not at work anymore. Feel free to call me Jay hyung, any friend of Sunoo’s is a friend of mine.”
“I can’t say I feel the same,” the younger deadpans, “Mr. Park.”
A cold chill crawls down Jay’s spine.
Sunoo returns to Jay’s side and they all sit down despite the awkward tension in the air. While his best friend preoccupies himself with the menu, Sunoo discreetly taps Jay’s thigh under the table.
“Hyung, the gift,” he reminds under his breath, and the older immediately fumbles to reach for the item placed safely under his chair.
Jungwon lowers the menu when he notices a box being placed in front of him. Lips pressed in a flat line, he takes a peek inside to find gourmet chocolate-covered strawberries Jay specially picked up from the bougie confectionery store on the other side of the city–Jungwon’s favourite, according to Sunoo.
Jay swears he sees Jungwon’s eyes light up for a fraction of a millisecond before the younger quickly schools his expression back to the poker face he’s been sporting. Hope soars in Jay’s chest as he bites back a smile–is this perhaps a success?
He should’ve known it was too good to be true, because a second later Jungwon’s pushing the box back to him. “Sorry, I’m on a no-sugar diet. My skin has been breaking out lately,” he says, before levelling Jay with a pointed look. “It must be all the late nights I’ve been pulling at work.”
Jay’s mind flashes to the pile of chocolate bar wrappers littering the corner of Jungwon’s desk but decides to bite his tongue. There are not many things Jay is scared of in this world, but it seems Yang Jungwon has climbed to the very top of that short list.
Sunoo pouts, reaching over to lightly slap at the younger’s hand. “Wonie! Be nice.”
“I am being nice.”
“I don’t ever want to see you being mean then,” Jay chuckles nervously.
There’s a crazed glint in his eyes when Jungwon stares right into Jay’s soul. “No, you don’t.”
“Oh my god,” Sunoo groans as he frantically waves at the waiter. “Please get me a bottle of something strong, ASAP.”
It takes seven more boxes of chocolate-covered strawberries for Jungwon to tolerate Jay’s existence.