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I won’t be walking home with you today, I’m going to the game store with Tora. Is what the message from Kenma reads when Kuroo looks down at his phone. In all the years they’ve been neighbors there’s only been a handful of times when they haven’t walked home together.
Kuroo: Oh where are you meeting up? I’ll come with.
Kenma: Don’t you think it might be weird for Tora to be hanging out with his captain?
Kuroo: No? You hang out with me every day.
Kenma: That’s not the same and you know it.
Kuroo doesn’t push it, there’s no use arguing with Kenma once he’s made up his mind. Kuroo knows when it comes to Kenma he’ll do whatever Kenma wants, even if that means walking home alone.
He doesn’t let it bother him. Not until Kenma has blown him off for a fourth time this month to hang out with Yamamoto. This time they were going to some cafe and Kuroo had embarrassingly tried to invite himself but Kenma had made up a very obvious excuse that they had to reserve a table and only got a table for two. So here Kuroo is, on a Friday evening, with nothing to do. He wanders into the kitchen and stares into the refrigerator but nothing interests him. On the kitchen counter his backpack catches his eye and he knows there’s multiple pages of homework waiting for him. He snatches the bag off the counter and practically stomps his way over to the couch rolling his eyes at the fact that he is now that guy who has no plans on a Friday night and is doing homework.
As he finishes up his math homework he can’t stop thinking about all the times Kenma has left him alone in the last month. If it had been a girl, Kuroo probably would’ve been convinced Kenma had finally accepted someone’s confession because these plans sounded a lot like they’ve been going out on dates.
They’ve been going out on dates.
The sudden realization almost gives Kuroo whiplash. They’d been going on dates and Kenma didn’t want Kuroo around because obviously he’d be a third wheel. Kuroo didn’t understand why Kenma wouldn’t just tell him it was a date though. Instead Kenma has been letting Kuroo beg to tag along like someone’s annoying younger sibling.
Kuroo knew that Yamamoto and Kenma were friends. Yamamoto was even the one responsible for Kenma’s bleached (now grown out) hair. When Kenma and Yamamoto had just become friends, their final act of solidifying their friendship was Yamamoto suggesting that Kenma bleach his hair to match Yamamoto’s. Maybe that’s where this whole “dating” thing had started. Maybe the enemies to lovers trope did exist outside of movies and somewhere after Yamamoto and Kenma had stopped being annoyed by each other's existence Yamamoto had the guts to confess.
The thought of Yamamoto and Kenma dating annoys Kuroo for some reason and he can’t put his finger on why.
“Oh god,” Kuroo says out loud to himself. “Am I homophobic?”
Except he remembers training camp when he and Bokuto were cleaning up the balls after a late night extra practice and Bokuto had watched wistfully as Akaashi left. As soon as he was out of earshot Bokuto turned to Kuroo and said “I have a crush on Akaashi!” and before Kuroo could say anything he added, “But I still like girls! So I think I’m bi!” And Kuroo had hugged Bokuto and thanked Bokuto for trusting him with this information.
So he can’t be homophobic, his (other) best friend is bi. And he’s cool with that.
But he still can’t figure out why the thought of Yamamoto and Kenma together annoys him so much.
He spends the rest of his night trying, and failing, to figure it out. It’s not until he bolts upright in his bed, alarm clock on the nightstand telling him it’s 4:05 AM, that he realizes the feeling he’s feeling is jealousy. Because he’s in love with Kenma. And he’s jealous of Yamamoto.
-
The next week at practice Coach Nekomata suggests they have a practice match. He claps his hands and tells everyone to split up into teams and Kuroo follows Kenma to the side of the court closest to them and waits for the rest of his team to join.
Kuroo spots Yamamoto making his way to their side and before he can think he’s shouting, “Fukunaga, switch sides with Yamamoto.”
Fukunaga cocks his head to the side in a questioning look, “Why?”
“Because I’m the captain and I say so.” Kuroo says, crossing his arms over his puffed out chest.
Fukunaga has the decency to not argue and gives Yamamoto a reassuring pat on the shoulder as they pass each other under the net.
Kuroo’s team wins the match 2-1. He glances over to Coach Nekomata and says, “Losing team was looking a little slow out there, I think they should do some laps. What do you think, coach?” Nekomata nods from his place on the bench and calls for the losing team to run five laps around the gym.
-
A few days later on their walk home, Kenma turns left at an intersection that is very much not the way to their neighborhood.
“Kenma!” Kuroo calls after him. “Look up, you’re going the wrong direction!”
Kenma does look up but doesn’t stop walking.
“I’m going to Tora’s house,” He says over his shoulder, getting further away from Kuroo with every step. “I’ll be back after dinner.”
Kuroo watches Kenma’s figure fade into the landscape before he turns and walks in the direction of their houses.
Once Kuroo gets back to his house he face-plants directly onto his bed and screams into the mattress. How could he be so stupid as to fall in love with his best friend and not realize it until his best friend is in a relationship with someone else? Kuroo digs his phone out of his pocket.
Text me when you get back I need help with my science project
Kuroo does not need help with his science project. What he needs is an excuse to text Kenma now that Kenma is off doing boyfriend stuff with Yamamoto.
Kenma only sends him a thumbs up emoji in response but it does make Kuroo feel a little better that while he’s with Yamamoto, he’s texting Kuroo.
It’s almost ten before Kenma gets back. Kuroo’s project is lying discarded in the corner of his room and he’s texting back and forth with Bokuto when Kenma comes in and sits cross legged on the edge of his bed.
Kuroo sits up and faces Kenma, mirroring his position. “How was your da-“ he coughs. “Your dinner with Yamamoto?”
“Fine,” Kenma says. “Tora’s mom made soba and then we played Mario Kart.”
Kuroo tries not to grimace at Kenma calling Yamamoto by his nickname. Kuroo is supposed to be the only one Kenma has a nickname for. But if Kenma notices the grimace he doesn’t say anything. Then he mentally kicks himself because Yamamoto is his teammate, he shouldn’t be feeling this way about someone who’s supposed to be on his side. But Kuroo can’t help but feel like he wants to throw up every time he pictures them together doing couple-y things because, God, Kuroo wants that to be him so bad. He should be the one playing with Kenma’s hair while he plays his games, he should be the one sharing dessert with Kenma at a cafe, he should be the one holding Kenma’s hand at the game store.
They cohabitate in silence until Kuroo can’t keep his eyes open. He decides to lay down, close his eyes, and just listen to the sounds coming from Kenma’s console until at some point he’s being covered with his duvet and he swears he feels the hair being brushed off his forehead. He doesn’t wake up, wanting to savor the moment, but then he hears the lamp next to his bed switch off and Kenma leaves without another sound.
-
The next week Kuroo doesn’t see Kenma at all other than school and volleyball practice. Kuroo knows he could easily show up at Kenma’s house and force Kenma to hang out with him but the thought of walking into Kenma’s room and seeing him and Yamamoto doing anything together makes his stomach turn. Kenma and Yamamoto don’t do PDA as far as Kuroo is aware. They don’t seem to be acting any differently than normal other than Yamamoto keeping his distance from Kuroo during practice.
Kuroo notices that the next time they have a practice match, Yamamoto does not try to join the same team as them. Instead he waits for Kuroo and Kenma to choose a side of the net and goes to the opposite side once they’ve chosen. Yamamoto’s team wins the match this time and Kuroo’s never been a sore loser but he’s feeling like one today.
“Yamamoto, Haiba, Teshiro,” he yells. “You three are on clean up duty tonight. Don’t forget to lock up when you’re done.”
Lev tries to protest but Yaku smacks him on the back of his head, telling him not to disrespect his seniors.
Kuroo and Kenma don’t speak to each other on their walk home, which is not uncommon for them. More often than not they walk in silence because Kenma is too engrossed in whatever game has his attention that week to hold an actual conversation. Most of the time Kuroo doesn’t mind it, he’ll pop in one of his headphones and hum along to whichever song is playing while making sure Kenma doesn’t walk straight into oncoming traffic. Today is different though. Kenma almost seems…annoyed with him? He hasn’t said as much, obviously, but Kuroo can tell. He can always tell with Kenma. He’s sighing more than usual and something about his body language seems off. Like he’s more closed off than usual. Kuroo is trying to wrack his brain to figure out what he could’ve done to upset Kenma and by the time they make it to their houses Kuroo has convinced himself that Kenma has figured out his crush and is annoyed that Kuroo is crushing on him while he’s in a relationship.
“Want to come over and play Super Smash Bros?” Kenma says, breaking their silence.
“I have to do some more work on my science project.” Kuroo lies. His project is basically done but he’s been using it as an excuse to avoid third wheeling and awkward alone time with Kenma for weeks now. And he hates that this is what his life has come to. If only Kenma were brave enough to just tell Kuroo what’s going on between him and Yamamoto they wouldn’t be in this mess.
“Okay then, see you tomorrow morning.” Kenma says, already walking towards his front door.
-
Kuroo is laying in his bed staring at the ceiling. He had just finished dinner and usually he’d walk straight over to the Kozume’s to hang out with Kenma. But he’d been avoiding Kenma and when he was feeling bold enough to actually reach out and make plans with him, Kenma was with Yamamoto. He reaches for his phone and sees that he has a few unread messages, the latest one being from Yaku.
Lev skipped receive practice again yesterday. The message reads.
Ugh. I’m putting him on laundry duty for a week. Kuroo replies.
Yaku doesn’t immediately reply so Kuroo moves on to the next one, from Bokuto.
Bro! Akaashi and I are going to try a new barbeque place this weekend! You should come and bring Kenma!
Kenma and I are kind of in a fight right now.
Less than a minute after he hits send on the message his phone flashes with an incoming call from Bokuto.
“Hey, Bokuto.” He answers, trying not to sound as dejected as he feels.
“Hi, Kuroo. Akaashi is here with me. Say hi Akaashi.” Akaashi does as instructed and Bokuto continues. “Tell us what’s going on with Kenma.”
Kuroo sighs into the receiver. “I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m just being stupid.”
“I don’t think you’re being stupid, Kuroo.” Akaashi says, “It might help for you to talk about it with someone.”
Kuroo sighs again, cringing at how pathetic he sounds. “So you know the guy on my team, Yamamoto? With the mohawk.” Bokuto and Akaashi both make a noise of agreement. “I’m jealous of him.” He pauses. “Because he’s dating Kenma.”
“What makes you think they’re dating?” Akaashi asks.
Kuroo launches into a long winded recap of the last 2 months and everything that’s happened, barely pausing to breathe as he word vomits all of the emotions he’s held inside while trying to deal with this on his own.
Once he finishes there’s a long pause before anyone says anything. Bokuto breaks the silence by saying “Welcome to the club!” There’s some scuffling on the other end of the line and Bokuto lets out a small, “Ow, Akaashi what the hell?”
“Maybe not the best thing to say in this situation, Bo.” Akaashi says, a little breathless, “But we’re proud of you, Kuroo. I know better than anyone how hard it is figuring out and dealing with these feelings. As for your situation with Kenma, I think it’s best if you wait for him to talk to you before you make up any more fake scenarios in your head. There’s no use worrying and spiraling if you don’t even know the full story yet.”
“Thank you guys, seriously. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Kuroo feels like a weight has been lifted from his chest. The dark cloud still looms in the distance but talking with Bokuto and Akaashi provided him some relief from the stress he’d been feeling.
“Seriously,” Bokuto says, putting on his captain voice. “Don’t ever hesitate to call me. We gotta go now but I’m serious about barbeque this weekend, don’t make plans on Saturday!”
Kuroo barely gets out the word ‘bye’ before the line goes dead. He flops back onto his bed and lets his phone slide out of his hand and onto the floor. He feels like he spent the last 30 minutes crying even though no tears were spilled. He’s mentally exhausted.
The next thing he knows his alarm is waking him up for school the next morning.
-
At practice the next afternoon Kuroo stands off to the sidelines with Coach Nekomata watching the team do drills. Lev misses most of his receives - only managing to receive two out of the ten serves from his teammates.
“Yaku told me he skipped receive practice on Wednesday.” Kuroo says to Nekomata.
“What are we going to do about him?” Nekomata responds.
Kuroo shakes his head, “I told Yaku that Lev is on laundry duty for a week. Maybe he’ll finally learn.”
Practice wraps up without much excitement but as they’re finishing changing in the club room Kuroo pushes the laundry basket in the direction of Lev. “You’re on laundry duty for a week.”
“What? Why?” Lev complains.
Kuroo looks at Yaku and then back at Lev, “Maybe stop skipping receive practice.” Lev gapes at him “I have eyes and ears everywhere, Haiba.”
“Lev, do you want help with the laundry today? I don’t have any plans tonight.” Yamamoto asks.
That takes Kuroo by surprise. Yamamoto has never offered to help with laundry before. And Kuroo had assumed he would be spending the evening with Kenma. Friday nights are usually their date nights.
“Haiba!” Kuroo all but shouts, irritation apparent in his tone. “Laundry is your task, you’re not supposed to be getting help from anyone!” Kuroo doesn’t even realize he’s said it until half the team is staring at him.
It’s Kai who speaks up. “Have a good weekend everyone, see you on Monday!” he says as he starts pushing the first years out the door.
Yaku pulls Kuroo aside as everyone starts gathering their bags, “I wanted you to punish him not yell at him in front of the entire team. Lighten up will you?” Kuroo’s cheeks flush with embarrassment. Or it might be anxiety, he can’t really tell. He knows what he did was immature but he couldn’t help it. Now that Bokuto and Akaashi helped him release his emotions, it’s like he can’t stop. The bad emotions are flowing just as easily as the good ones. And every time he sees Yamamoto’s face he gets more upset: at himself for being so stupid, at Yamamoto for being the one who made him feel all these emotions in the first place, and at Kenma for making Kuroo fall in love with him and not being brave enough to even come clean about his relationship with Yamamoto.
He catches Lev as he’s hauling the laundry basket out of the club room. “I apologize,” Kuroo bows. “That was out of line for me to address you like that in front of the whole team.”
“I accept your apology. And I promise not to skip any more practices with Yaku.” Lev’s cheeks pink a little. “Is it really not ok for Yamamoto to help with the laundry?”
“It’s fine if he helps. But if anyone catches you two slacking off I’m making you both run laps every day for a month.” When Lev pales at the threat Kuroo lets out a loud, ugly cackle and punches Lev in the shoulder.
He walks out to the corner of the block where he normally meets Kenma. But Kenma isn’t there. He checks the time and realizes he took longer than expected talking to Yaku and Lev. Then a message pops up on his phone.
Come over when you’re done. is all the message says. He doesn’t even have to look to know it’s from Kenma. He wants to sprint all the way home. He hasn’t properly hung out with Kenma in months. And seeing him at school and practice hasn’t been enough. He’s been so used to having Kenma intertwined in every aspect of his life for so long it feels like he’s floating in the void when Kenma isn’t around. He feels lost. Of course he still has Bokuto and Akaashi but they’re still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship and every time Kuroo sees them happy together it makes him long for something he can’t have and that hurts almost as much.
He lets himself into Kenma’s house (he stopped needing to knock years ago) and makes his way to Kenma’s room. A feeling of dread washes over him as he plays through scenarios in his head. Why did Kenma decide all of a sudden that they needed to see each other today? Was this just a normal Friday evening hang out or did Kenma have a different motive? Was Kenma about to friend-break-up with him?
Kenma’s door is open and Kuroo stands in the doorway staring at Kenma where he’s sitting at the edge of the bed, staring at his hands. It puts Kuroo on edge, he rarely sees Kenma in his room doing anything other than playing video games or sleeping.
Kenma doesn’t say anything but Kuroo sees him glance up and then back down to the floor. Kuroo’s heart sinks. He knows that look. He knows Kenma is working up the nerve to tell him something and Kuroo can probably guess what it is. The last time Kenma had this look on his face it had been right after Kuroo graduated middle school. Kenma was scared to tell Kuroo that he didn’t want to be at school without Kuroo. Once he worked up the nerve to tell Kuroo what he was feeling, Kuroo just scooped him up in the biggest hug and told him not to worry because they’d still walk to and from school together, and they’d still hang out on the weekends, and it was only a year and then they’d be reunited. But this wasn’t like that. This was something bigger. Kuroo came all the way inside Kenma’s room and shut the door.
What Kenma says takes Kuroo by surprise.
“Do you hate Tora?” Kenma accuses.
Kuroo’s eyes almost bulge out of his head. “What?!”
“Don’t play dumb Kuro.” From the look on Kenma’s face the nickname slips out without meaning to.
Kuroo gives him a confused look. “No, I don’t hate Yamamoto. Why would you think that?”
“Do you seriously not know?” Kuroo blinks at him. He’s never hated him. The past few months have been full of feelings of jealousy and anxiety but never hatred. Yamamoto is his teammate and he doesn’t hate any of his teammates. In fact, he considers most of them like family.
Kenma’s less accusing and quieter now. “You really don’t know…Whenever his team loses in practice, you make them run laps. When his team wins, you make them pick up balls and take down the net. When he tried to join our team for a practice match, you made him switch with Fukunaga. He’s been on water bottle refill duty more than anyone else. And don’t even get me started with what happened with him and Lev today.”
“I apologized to Lev.” Kuroo doesn’t have anything else to say, he’s guilty of all of those things.
“But did you apologize to Tora?” Kuroo doesn’t meet his eyes as he shakes his head no.
Kuroo hadn’t realized how badly he’d been singling Yamamoto out. And Kenma had noticed because of course he had, he’s the brain.
“So why do you hate him?” Kenma is staring at the floor so hard he might start a fire.
“I don’t hate him.” There’s no turning back now. “I miss you. I know you two are dating but you’re still my best friend. I haven’t seen you anywhere except school in months because you spend all your free time with Tora-” He says Kenma’s nickname for Yamamoto with a little more malice than he means.
Kenma interrupts, “Dating him?!” and chooses that point to finally look up from the floor.
“Yeah, haven’t all those times you’ve blown me off or told me I wasn’t invited because you two are going on dates? Third wheeling is awkward and I figured you weren’t ready to tell me yet. I know you have a hard time expressing your emotions.” Kenma looks at Kuroo like he’s just grown a second head.
“No.” Kenma says firmly. “I am not dating Tora. He’s just a little intimidated by the idea of hanging out with you outside of school. And you kept talking about that big project you have for your science class and I figured it was for the best if I gave you some space to focus on school. Especially since it’s your last year.”
Kuroo moves to sit next to Kenma on his bed. “So you’re not dating Yamamoto?” Kenma lets out a small giggle, “No, Kuro, I’m not dating Yamamoto. We are just friends.”
“Oh thank god,” Kuroo feels the word vomit feeling he got with Bokuto and Akaashi again. “Because I don’t know if I could handle seeing you guys kiss and hold hands. And before you say that’s homophobic I’m not because Bokuto is bi and so am I.”
“Wait, what?” Kenma shifts on the bed so that he’s sitting cross legged, facing Kuroo. Kuroo mimics his position.
“Oh yeah, I’m bisexual. And in love with you.” Kuroo says it proudly.
Kenma stares at Kuroo for so long that it’s almost uncomfortable. “Say that again.”
“Oh yeah, I’m bi. Bokuto welcomed me to the club and everything. Although he didn’t tell me if the monthly meetings-” Kenma interrupts him.
“No, the other part. Say the other part again.” Kenma says, sounding breathless.
“That I’m in love with yo- OH MY GOD.” Kuroo’s face is burning. He hadn’t meant to say that part out loud but the word vomit got to him before his brain could catch up.
Kenma’s face is also starting to flush as he says, slowly, “The reason I’ve been hanging out with Tora so much is because he’s been helping me plan a way to confess to you. Trying to hype me up and gather intel because I didn’t even know if you liked guys. You know his whole guts thing.” He puts air quotes around the word ‘guts.’ “But I guess I don’t need that plan anymore. Since you beat me to it.”
It takes Kuroo’s brain a few seconds to wrap itself around what Kenma just said but then Kuroo basically tackles him with a hug so strong it causes both of them to fall back onto the bed. They’re both laying there, faces so close to each other and bodies pressed together and Kuroo dares to sneak a glance at Kenma’s lips before Kenma leans up and closes the gap between them.
It shocks Kuroo so much he almost forgets to kiss back but Kenma puts a hand in his hair and everything snaps into place, savoring this moment as he finally kisses Kenma. Every negative feeling he’s had for the last few months disappears when Kenma softly puts his hand on Kuroo’s cheek.
Kuroo does break the kiss though. Kenma looks at him like he did something wrong. “I’ll apologize to Yamamoto on Monday.” is all Kuroo says.
“Good,” Kenma says before pulling Kuroo back in and deepening the kiss, this one a little less sweet and a little more heated. Kuroo trying to convey every emotion he’s felt towards Kenma since they’ve met with this one kiss.
-
The next morning they both wake up tangled in the sheets and each other, Kenma’s head pillowed on Kuroo’s chest, his blonde hair catching the mid morning sunlight.
Kuroo reaches for his phone to text Bokuto.
I’ll see you tonight for barbeque. Kenma’s coming too. ;)
His phone immediately rings with an incoming call from Bokuto but Kuroo declines the call and turns his phone off. He’ll explain at dinner later, right now he wants to savor his time with Kenma as long as possible.