Chapter 1: Someone Who Loves You Wouldn't Do This
Chapter Text
The women of the tribe shot nasty looks at Sokka as he walked out of his warm hut into the cold air. They stood in a circle around a bonfire, warming themselves against the cold as they watched the rest of the children play.
Sokka hesitated. Katara wasn’t here right now, off practicing her bending. The tribe was always nicer when Katara was around. She was the special waterbender, the tribe’s pride and joy, and Sokka’s best and only friend. Everyone knew Katara would do anything for her brother, so they were careful never to be mean in Katara’s presence. Still, Sokka wanted to make friends with the other kids, too. Katara never wanted to play warrior, and was always off practicing her bending. It left Sokka feeling lonely.
Nervously, Sokka made his way to where the other kids were playing warrior, practicing their skills. They were older than him, but still the closest in age other than Katara. Sokka just hoped they would let him join.
“Hi,” he said, voice warbling. “Can I play, too?”
Sokka looked hopefully up at the kids, his golden eyes shining brightly. The kids shot looks at each other. They seemed to be having some sort of silent conversation that Sokka couldn’t understand.
“Okay,” the ringleader finally agreed.
Sokka lit up. “Really?” he said excitedly.
“Yeah,” said the ringleader. “We’ll be the noble Water Tribe warriors. And you,” he spat, throwing a heavy club at Sokka, “will be the Fire Nation scum.”
The club hit Sokka in the chest, knocking the breath at him. As he struggled to catch his breath, the older boys started circling him, weapons raised. The looks on their faces were gleeful and bitter, and Sokka felt a pang of fear as he fumbled with the club. It was far too heavy for him, and he could barely lift it.
“Die, Fire Nation soldier!” one boy yelled. He kicked Sokka hard in the chest. The force sent him tumbling backwards, and the boys were upon Sokka before he could get his bearings. Before long, they had circled him again. Then the real beating began, as the boys kicked the small child as he lay prone on the ground.
“Worthless Fire Nation scum!” shouted one of the boys, punctuating it with a sharp kick to Sokka’s shin.
“How dare you come into our lands, hurt our people, destroy the world,” hissed another boy. “You don’t deserve to live, just like the rest of your evil kind.”
“You don’t belong here, freak,” shouted a third child.
“Pathetic,” hissed the first boy.
“Evil,” the second boy spat.
“Monster.”
“Fire Nation scum.”
Sokka whimpered in pain as the older boys kicked him. In the distance, he could hear the women laughing while they watched their children beat Sokka up.
“Stop! Please stop,” Sokka cried. “What did I do? What did I do?”
He didn’t understand what he did wrong. He never understood what he did to make the tribe not love him like they loved Katara and all the other kids.
“What did you do?” said the ringleader incredulously. “You were born, you Fire Nation freak. You’re a blight on our lands. A bastard monster child.”
Sokka didn’t understand. “But I’m not Fire Nation,” he said. “I’m Water Tribe. I’m the son of Kya and Chief Hakoda. I’m just like you!”
The boys scoffed at that. “You’re not one of us. You were never going to be one of us.”
Giving him one last kick, the ringleader spat on Sokka’s face and then walked away, taking the rest of the boys with him and leaving Sokka’s bruised and battered body behind. The young child knew that warriors weren’t supposed to cry, but he struggled to hold back his tears as he lay in the snow.
I don’t understand what I keep getting wrong! he thought. Why doesn’t the tribe love me? Why don’t my parents love me?
At least Katara loved him. Still, he knew he couldn’t tell her about this. When they were together, he could be her loving, protective big brother, but if she knew how weak and pathetic he really was, he’d never be her hero again. She might even abandon him, too. Sokka couldn’t risk that.
So, stumbling to his feet, Sokka brushed the snow off of his body and headed back to his hut, ignoring the glares and mocking words of the village as he passed. When he finally got inside, he came face to face with his mother and grandmother.
“Sokka,” his grandmother sneered. “Stop lazing about, you worthless thing, and help me make lunch.”
“Yes, Gran-Gran,” Sokka muttered. He removed his heavy parka and went to wash his hands, before joining his family in the kitchen. He had been helping them for ages, and had gotten rather good, but he still made several small mistakes. Every time he did, Gran-Gran would smack him harshly on the arm. Mother just watched, like always, her eyes cold.
With the three of them working, lunch was finished quickly. Sokka had just enough time to roll down his sleeves to cover his bruised and smarting arms before Katara and Father entered. His little sister was bouncing up and down with joy, while Father looked fondly at her.
Why does he never look at me like that? Sokka wondered sadly.
Still, he couldn’t bear to lessen his sister’s excitement.
“How’d the bending go?” he asked, smiling.
Katara beamed at him. “It was great! I can make waves on command now!”
Sokka grinned, wrapping his little sister in a hug. “That’s great, sis!” he said happily. “I’m so proud of you.”
“I’m going to go back after lunch, and see if I can make them even bigger,” said Katara proudly. “You should join me!”
Sokka really, really wanted to, but he knew it wasn’t worth it. Father didn’t like him being around Katara, but he especially hated it when he got involved in her bending.
“Katara has a gift, Sokka,” he’d say coldly. “She is the bright future of our tribe, and I won’t let you ruin that.”
“It’s okay,” he brushed off. “I’ll see it some other time.”
Katara pouted. “You always say that, but you never actually come!”
Sokka felt a pang of guilt, but he knew he needed an alternate explanation.
“It’s just… hard, sometimes, knowing I don’t have your special gift,” Sokka murmured honestly.
Katara looked sad and guilty at Sokka’s words, which made him feel even worse.
“You have lots of special gifts, Sokka,” she declared. “I don’t care if you can’t bend. You’re already the best big brother ever!”
Sokka smiled faintly. “Thanks, Katara.”
The young child thought he’d played that well, providing a good alternate explanation for his avoidance, but from the dark look on his father’s face, Sokka could tell he made a mistake.
Right, Sokka realized. My excuse placed the blame on Katara.
There was a heavy pit in his stomach. Looks like he would have another beating soon. A bad one.
Still, Sokka didn’t let his apprehension show as he ate lunch with his family. He didn’t let any emotions show at all, clearing them off his face until he could escape into the snow alone.
Most people, especially children, were encouraged to never leave the village by themselves. Spirits and harsh weather and predators meant traveling in groups was safer. Still, Sokka wasn't like most people. He was actually fairly sure that the tribe would celebrate if he died. So he made his way out of the village, and to the only place he knew no one would find him; behind the wreckage of an old rusty ship that the village avoided like they would a hungry polar-leopard.
Sokka could sort of understand it. The thing was eerie, looming over him like a giant metal monster trying to claw its way out of the ice. It didn't bother Sokka, though. The ship couldn't hurt him. The ship wasn't the reason his body was covered in bruises beneath his layers of clothes.
Finally, safe and hidden behind the abandoned ship, Sokka let himself break.
“Why do they hate me?” he sobbed. “What am I doing wrong? Why can’t they just love me like they love Katara?”
Maybe if Sokka was a bender, the tribe would love him, too. But he wasn’t. He wasn’t special like Katara.
“It’s not fair,” he muttered. Rage was flickering in his chest, a burning rage that he’d been trying to shove down for years. “I’m trying so hard, but they still hate me! I can’t help not being a bender! I can’t help not being special like Katara! It’s not FAIR!”
Sokka’s anger built, and he let out an agonized yell, full of years of resentment and mistreatment. It was a sound of rage and pain and sorrow. In his emotional agony, Sokka felt something warm building in his chest. And he breathed out fire.
The young boy froze. Did he just… bend? It had to be. He tried to think of anything, any other logical explanation, but that was the only thing Sokka could come up with.
Slowly, the boy began to grin. This was it. This was his chance. He was special, too, and if he showed the tribe, then they would love him, just like they loved Katara.
Happily. Sokka reached for the warm thing in his chest, and this time, pushed it out of his palms. Small bursts of fire came out. He tossed them up and down in his hands. Finally, he had found something special about him, something he was good at. As the fire danced in his hands, Sokka felt a sense of completeness that he had never known before.
This was who he was. He was Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe, and he was a firebender. And now, he was going to let everyone know.
ᐃᒻᓂᖅ
Immediately after his discovery, Sokka raced back home to his hut.
“Mother! Mother!” he shouted excitedly as he burst into the door.
The woman turned to look at Sokka, the usual coldness still in her eyes. “What is it?” she asked impatiently.
“I can bend Mother! Look, look, I can bend!” Sokka cried. He excitedly lifted his hand, and let a bright orange flame grow in his palm. He looked hopefully at his mother, excited to see her exclamations of joy.
Instead, Mother screamed. It was a terrified, agonized cry as she trembled, backing away from Sokka in fear. The five year old stopped the pretty fire, confused.
“What’s wrong, Mother?” he asked quietly.
“You’re… you’re an ashmaker,” Mother said, horror evident in your voice. “You’re just like… like him . I thought you could be better, but you’re going to be just like him.”
She laughed harshly, running a hand through her hair. “Of course you’re an ashmaker. Only the strongest firebenders survive here, but of course you couldn’t just be weak and die.”
Sokka struggled to keep the tears from flowing. He blinked. “Did you… did you know?” he said in a small voice. “Did you know I might be a firebender?”
“Of course I knew!” Mother shouted. “Everyone knew! Everyone knew about the firebender who attacked me, everyone can see your gold eyes.”
“I don’t understand,” Sokka admitted.
“You will,” Mother said coldly. “I’ll have the tribe show you, show you exactly how your kind hurt me. I’ll have my justice, an eye for an eye.”
Sokka backed away, frightened, but Mother reached out quickly, grasping his arm in a tight grip.
“Listen to me very closely, ashmaker,” she hissed. “You will never bend, never again.”
Sokka had never seen Mother like this before. She had always been detached and cold, but never cruel, never angry. She was acting like Father, and it scared him. He didn’t want to part with his bending, but he knew better to challenge someone when they acted like this.
Sokka nodded vigorously, and there was a flash of relief in Mother’s eyes, before the coldness and anger took over. She put on her parka and roughly dragged Sokka out of the hut. The young boy struggled to keep up, but didn’t dare to complain about the painful grip on his arm or the way he was forced to stumble behind his mother. The woman led him through the village over to where the men trained, and threw him onto the ground in front of them.
“It’s like we feared,” she spat. “Sokka is an ashmaker.”
It was that word again. It must be an insult for firebenders, and the thought made Sokka feel small and worthless. He looked up at the warriors, who were glaring at him with even more hatred than usual, but also, unexpectedly, a bit of fear.
“I want him to suffer,” Mother hissed. “I want him to suffer like I suffered. I want it to be worse.”
The men nodded. There was an eagerness to their movements as they dragged Sokka away to the weapons hut. The men were cruelly happy as they ordered Sokka to strip, as they ordered him to face the wall. They whispered harsh words and taunts as they hurt Sokka in a way he didn’t know people could be hurt. Hurt him like the man who hurt his mother.
“You deserve this,” they hissed. “This is all your fault, and you know it.”
“We wouldn’t have to do this if you weren’t such a freak,” they told him.
“Just follow along and do what we say, and it won’t be so bad,” they promised.
Sokka couldn’t tell if they were lying. He just knew he never wanted to feel that way again.
But he would.
Chapter 2: All the Sacrifices I'd Make for You
Summary:
Zuko tries to protect his sister, but there is always a cost.
Notes:
Welcome to the second chapter of this fic, and Zuko's first POV! The story's going to focus around Zuko, Sokka and Azula, in case you haven't read the (many) tags. Anyways, I hope you enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Zuko watched in awe as his sister performed her katas. Even though she was two years younger, she was clearly more talented, and it showed in the tinge of blue in her flames. They had started turning blue a few months ago, at an unprecedented age of only seven. Azula, naturally, was still unsatisfied, eager to see the flames turn completely blue. Zuko had tried to tell her that what she did was already impressive, but she never listened to him. Only Father.
Still, Zuko couldn’t deny how talented Azula had grown under Father’s tutelage. The young girl’s technique and power was flawless as she moved smoothly through the forms. Zuko could only watch in awe and pride as his little sister performed sets Zuko was just starting to learn.
She’s amazing, Zuko thought proudly. His little sister would be the greatest firebender in the world someday, Zuko just knew it. And he would be there to look out for her as she became great. Azula may be powerful, but Zuko was more than aware that there were some threats that could not be defeated with force. Zuko would protect his little sister as best he could from the true darkness that lurked in their family, so she would never have to face it herself.
“Excellent job, Azula,” Father purred as his daughter finished her set. “You will be the pride of the Fire Nation someday.”
Azula beamed at Father, and Zuko couldn’t help but feel relief. His plan was working perfectly.
“Zuko,” Father snapped. “It’s your turn. Let’s see if your pathetic flames have gotten any better.”
“I doubt it,” Azula said. “I’m the family prodigy, right Father?”
“Don’t be cocky, Azula,” Father snapped, “and stop begging for praise like a needy child. Praise must be earned, and only the weak beg for attention. Are you weak?”
“No, Father,” Azula muttered. “I’m sorry.”
Father nodded sharply, but there was an edge of irritation in his gaze. Zuko felt a surge of panic. This would require an even better performance than usual, just like every rare occasion that Azula would displease Father.
“Don’t worry, Father,” he said earnestly. “I’m getting so much better, and I know I will be even more talented than you some day. I’ll make you proud, I just need a little more practice. Everyone starts at the beginning, even you. I’ll get better, I know it.”
Fury overtook Father’s face as Zuko’s words, carefully chosen to insult his ego while sounding just like a needy child eager to prove himself. Zuko had been playing this dance for years, ever since he realized the cost of Father’s disapproval, and he knew exactly how to bother Father while seeming like he was trying his best.
“I am far greater than you will ever be,” Father sneered. “Unlike you, I have never been pathetic and weak.”
“I’m not!” Zuko cried.
Father snarled, his fist twitching. The man was clearly eager to smack Zuko, but he still tried to maintain a somewhat caring facade around his daughter.
“Don’t disrespect me, Prince Zuko!” he snapped. “Now get out there and give me your best attempt at Azula’s superior performance. How poorly you do will determine the extent of your punishment.”
“Yes, Father,” Zuko said, careful to look downtrodden. Internally, he let hope flutter inside him. All he would need to do now was give an especially pathetic showing, and Azula was sure to escape any consequences in comparison to Zuko’s far worse transgressions.
Zuko bowed to his father, before attempting the set Azula had just perfected. He had just started learning it on his own, and although he was far from as good as Azula, he wasn’t half bad. Regardless, Zuko was careful not to let a flicker of his real talent out as he stumbled through the kata, his form terrible as he let out weak bursts of flame. He finished ignominiously, tripping over his own feet at the last moment and scraping his knees as he landed in a heap on the ground. Zuko stumbled back onto his feet and finished off with a somewhat sloppy bow to his father, breathing heavily.
Azula burst out laughing. “That was pathetic, Zuzu,” she snickered. “It was like you weren’t even trying.”
Zuko felt a flash of terror. He hoped neither of them would realize the truth of Azula’s statement. The young prince couldn’t let anybody suspect, so he let a blush spread over his cheeks as he looked at the ground, shamefaced.
“A predictably horrible performance,” spat Father. “Come with me, Zuko. We must discuss your punishment.”
Head still bowed, Zuko followed his father. Fear and victory fought for control inside him. He had succeeded in his goal, but the price, as always, was high. Zuko hated it, hated what his father always did to him, but he knew it was what must be done. Almost anything was worth it, as long as his little sister never had to face their father’s true nature.
⽕
The punishment occurred in Zuko’s chambers, as usual. Father enjoyed taking away any semblance of safety Zuko may gain from the privacy of his room. As soon as the door closed, his father barked out an order.
“Strip!” he shouted.
Obediently, Zuko took off his clothes and threw them to the floor. He felt small and vulnerable as he watched Father take off his own clothes. The man’s far bigger body dwarfed Zuko’s as he grinned cruelly, eagerly.
“You should know what to do by now,” the man spat.
Silently, Zuko lay down on the bed, preparing for his fate. He let himself zone out, trying his best to ignore the pains in his body and his father’s cruel words as he took his punishment.
At least it's not Azula, Zuko reminded himself. At least my little sister is safe.
He would do far worse to protect her.
⽕
Once his father had left Zuko’s burned and used body behind, the young firebender curled up in a ball underneath his covers.
He chose this. Zuko chose this, chose to let it happen to him instead of his little sister. But it didn't make it hurt any less.
“I don't want this,” Zuko mumbled, rocking his body back and forth. “I don’t want to keep doing this. Agni, why is Father always like this? Why do I have to suffer?”
Deep down, Zuko knew why. This was what families were like. They liked to hurt each other; they liked to see people burn. Otherwise, why would his family always be so cruel to each other? Mother hurt Azula, Father hurt Zuko, Firelord Azulon hurt his kids, and Uncle Iroh just sat by and watched. Zuko wasn't an idiot, no matter what Father said. It was obvious to him that families always chose someone to hurt. So it was up to Zuko to make sure that the person who got hurt was always him.
Yet Zuko was still a failure, because he couldn't even do that. The way Azula behaved kept her safe from Father, but Mother hated her for it. Even with his talents, Zuko couldn't get Mother to switch her anger to him. He couldn’t be what Mother hated, because that would make Father happy, and the man would lessen his focus on Zuko. But all the same, Zuko could tell his plan was mostly working. Azula was growing up damaged and cruel, but she wasn't broken like Zuko. She had never felt the pain of Father's rage, and if Zuko had his way, she never would.
Still, Zuko wished with all his heart that it wasn't like this. At least once a week, Zuko would get punished, and it hurt. It hurt so badly, and Zuko couldn't help but want things to be different.
“I don't want to be hurt anymore,” the child sobbed. “I know I have to, I have to, but I don't want to. Not anymore, please.”
It was his duty, though. Azula was his little sister, the person he loved more than anybody else. Even if the sentiment wasn't shared. He'd do anything to protect her from this fate, even take it onto himself.
So Zuko let the shame and hurt and sorrow wash over him. He let himself cry, alone under the covers of his bed. He let himself break, but not once did he change his resolve
I'm already broken, Zuko thought, but Azula’s not. So it's worth it, it is.
It had to be.
Notes:
If you liked this, feel free to leave a comment or kudo. If you didn't, go read something else you like better. If it triggers you, feel free to put the story aside and never come back. Do what makes you happy.
Chapter 3: I'll Love You When You're Broken
Summary:
Zuko and Azula spend time with their mother, but it doesn't go like they wanted.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Zuko sat quietly beside his mother. He was in the library, listening to the princess consort read Love Amongst the Dragons to him in her soft, melodic voice. The two shared a fondness for plays, and on good days, Mother would take him to the sitting room with a handful of theater scrolls, and quietly read them to her favorite child. As Zuko listened to the story with eager ears, he could pretend that everything was fine. That his father wasn’t a cruel and horrible man, and that Mother was truly kind, rather than only showing compassion to one of her children.
Still, the weak part of Zuko enjoyed having one parent who seemed to care, who seemed to want to protect him. Yet, he knew it wasn't real. Mother would never really love Zuko, because she never saw the whole of him. Zuko’s secret struggle to protect Azula must be kept quiet, because if Mother knew, she would try to stop it. The child knew Mother wasn’t strong enough to beat Father, and he was certain that all the people who had the power to stop the punishments already knew. The only thing that would happen if Mother found out was her untimely death. Zuko wouldn’t be able to bear that on his conscience, so it had to remain a secret. Instead, poor, foolish Mother thought Zuko was an innocent flower, the one honest and kind and whole thing in the whole agni-cursed palace.
He wasn’t. Zuko had suffered too much and made too many sacrifices to not understand the cruelty of the world, to not have broken into pieces and gained sharp edges to survive. He was a child of lies and secrets, and he had lost his innocence years ago. Still, here, leaning against his mother’s side listening to Love Amongst the Dragons, Zuko could pretend that everything was fine.
The fantasy quickly fell apart, however, when his little sister stormed into the room.
“Mother! Mother!” she cried happily. “I just mastered a new form that can kill people in seconds!”
The little girl looked so proud as she stared at her mother, eager for her approval. Zuko felt his heart break for his little sister, who didn’t understand that Father’s language of violence would only make most people hate and fear her. Even if she was better off for it.
“Azula!” Mother cried. “That’s horrible.”
The seven year old looked so confused. “But Father says that the strong deserve to rule and the weak deserve to die,” she stated. “This means I’m not weak. Aren’t you proud?”
“Why would I be proud of your heartless cruelty?” Mother said in disgust. “You should be more like your brother. He’s kind and loving, not a demented child who enjoys people’s suffering.”
Azula bared her teeth angrily. Flames flickered around her clenched fists. Zuko recognized that expression; it was Azula burying her heartbreak under rage.
“Why do you love Zuko more than me?” she cried, stomping her foot. “I’m better than him! Father says so! So why are you always here with him, reading him stories and being his parent, but you ignore me! I’m your kid, too!”
Mothers face was cold as she surveyed her youngest child.
“Go away, Azula,” she said. “I don’t want you here; I never did. Leave, and stop bothering me and your brother. We don’t want to be around someone like you.”
Fury, grief and confusion swam in Azula’s eyes as she bolted from the room. Zuko hid his concern as he turned to his mother.
“Mother, I want to be alone for a bit,” he said. “Can I take the scroll to my room?”
The princess regent’s face softened as she turned to her son.
“Of course, Zuko,” she said, ruffling his hair. “Go have fun, my little turtleduckling.”
Zuko smiled at his mother, a false, loving grin. “Thanks!” he said, rushing off. But instead of going to his room, he headed straight for the nearest palace worker.
“Excuse me, have you seen Azula?” he asked softly. He was always kind to the palace staff; he knew it couldn’t be easy working here. The kindness paid off, too, as they were always more willing to help Zuko than any of the other nobles. With the help of a young servant, the prince followed his sister to where she was standing in front of the turtleduck pond. The young princess was laughing and crying as she shot blue-tinged flames at the small animals, boiling them alive. The smell of burning meat wafted through the air, and several tiny bodies were already floating in the pond.
Zuko knew he should probably stop her. After all, the turtleducks didn’t do anything to deserve being killed. Still, he knew that wouldn’t help his sister, and they were only animals. Azula was the one he really cared about here, the only thing he really cared about in the palace. So instead of scolding her, Zuko moved over to his sister, sitting quietly beside the pond.
As soon as he did, Azula turned to face him, flames still flickering in her hands. “What, are you going to tell me to stop?” she snarled. “Going to call me heartless and cruel like Mother?”
“No,” Zuko said softly.
“But I am, Zuzu,” Azula said, attempting to loom over him. “I’m everything you and Mother hate, so just leave me alone!”
Zuko looked sadly at his little sister. She was clearly fighting tears, covering them up with anger just like Father taught her.
“You’re not like that, Zula,” Zuko said softly. “Mother is the one who’s heartless and cruel. She has to be, to say stuff like that to you.”
Azula screamed, and turned away from her brother to face the small pond. The young girl shot more waves of blue tinged fire at the turtleducks, killing off the few that remained in an outpouring of rage and grief.
“Hate me, Zuko!” she yelled. “Hate me, just like everyone else! You’re weak and pathetic, and you should hate me, just like Mother! You do everything else she says, so just hate me!”
“I don’t hate you,” Zuko said quietly, looking sadly at his sister. “I could never hate you Azula. No matter what you do, no matter who you become, I’m always going to be your older brother.”
At Zuko’s words, the anger seemed to leak out of Azula. She sat down heavily beside Zuko in front of the pond and the dead turtleducks, curling up into a little ball. Without her anger and fire, Azula appeared just like she really was; a small child, eager to be loved and unsure how to get it in the horrible reality of the palace.
“I don’t understand what I keep doing wrong,” Azula muttered. “I keep trying to make her proud, but no matter what I do, she hates me for it.”
“It’s because she sees too much of Father in you,” Zuko replied honestly. “She hates Father, so she hates you, too.”
“But that’s not fair!” cried Azula.
“It’s not,” agreed Zuko. “Remember, Azula, you’re not either of our parents. You can be better. You are better.”
“Why are you being so nice?” Azula mumbled. “I burned your turtleducks. You love those stupid birds.”
“I love you more, Zula,” Zuko said. “What would be the point in trying to save a couple of animals, if it meant you’d think I hate you, too?”
Azula looked around, checking for guards or staff. Finding no one, she leaned over to Zuko and wrapped him in a hug.
“I love you, too, Dum-dum,” she mumbled.
Zuko smiled, a real, honest smile, as he embraced his little sister.
“I’m here, Azula,” he murmured. “I’m always going to be here.”
There, wrapped in the arms of her brother and lying beside the corpses of Zuko’s pets, Azula finally let herself cry. She sobbed into her brother’s silk shirt for several minutes, before pulling away.
The young girl glared at Zuko as she stood up.
“This never happened,” she snapped, wiping at her wet eyes. “I’m not weak like you. I won’t have you running to Father and leaving me with whatever stupid punishments you’re always crying over.”
Zuko felt a rush of relief that Azula was clever enough to avoid sharing this story. He wanted to be there for his sister, but things would only get worse for her if Father knew.
“Okay, Zula,” he promised. “Nothing happened, and I was never even here.”
Azula nodded firmly, before brushing the remains of her tears from her face and storming out of the garden. Zuko let himself mourn for a minute. He let himself mourn his and his sister’s childhood, alone with nothing but the dead turtleducks. Then he raised himself from his seat and grabbed the scroll, making his way back to his room alone.
Always alone.
Notes:
Good big brother Zuko returns! And this time, we've got a bit of Azula's soft side. It's complicated, growing up in a home where love isn't free and there aren't any good role models. I have a lot of fun writing Azula as a very conflicted character, trying to survive in that situation while desperately wanting genuine connection. We get a little bit of that from her in the show, but I like playing it up a bit more.
Chapter 4: The Secrets That Break Us Apart
Summary:
Katara investigates what her brother has been hiding
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Katara still remembered a time when she and Sokka were close. When her brother would give her hugs and compliment her bending and make her art that always looked terrible. But over the years, that started to change. Sokka didn’t talk to her anymore, in fact he barely talked to anyone in the tribe. He no longer had time for Katara, always so busy doing chores around the village and having warrior training with the men. But quietly. So quietly. The boy who was loud and excitable, who told bad jokes and complained about food, had disappeared into a boy who kept his feelings to himself.
The waterbender didn’t know what had changed, but she couldn’t help but feel that Sokka was keeping secrets from her. It hurt. She missed her big brother, the one she could tell anything and who would be there for her no matter what. Katara had to find a way to get the old Sokka back. And finally, for the first time, she had an idea of how.
Katara had discovered Sokka’s nightly habit by chance. She had had a nightmare, and was about to go crawl into her parents’ bed for comfort when she noticed Sokka sneaking out of his room, already dressed in his parka. He was gone for hours, before disappearing back into his room. For the rest of the week, Katara had stayed up late, waiting to see if Sokka would continue to sneak out. He always did, slipping out silently and coming back hours later. Katara knew she should probably tell her parents, but this was her opportunity to figure out what was wrong with her brother, and she was not going to risk losing it.
So this time, when Sokka sneaked out, Katara followed him. Sokka walked for ages, far away from the village. Katara followed him quietly, barely keeping an eye on him in the shadows, as she watched him make his way to the abandoned Fire Nation ship.
Katara hesitated. Should she go home? She wasn’t supposed to be here, and neither was Sokka. The ship was a forbidden area for everyone in the tribe. It was dangerous and frightening, a symbol of the Fire Nation’s cruelty. But Sokka went straight for it, and Katara had come this far, so she continued to follow in her brother’s wake. To her great relief, Sokka didn’t actually go inside. Instead, he made his way around the back, hiding behind the massive hulk of the frozen ship. Carefully, Katara followed him. Her heart raced, and she had a feeling she was about to discover the secret Sokka had been hiding all these years. Slowly, ever so quietly, Katara peeked around the corner of the ship. And there, in the silence of the Fire Nation wreckage, Katara spotted something incredible.
Sokka was dancing with fire. Great plumes of flame burst from his hands and feet as he moved fluidly through unfamiliar forms, sending out blazing fire into the dark night sky. The golden flames illuminated his face, and Katara couldn’t help but gasp. Her brother looked happy. He looked at peace.
Katara realized she didn’t think she’d ever seen him this happy. Not even when they were younger.
Why didn’t he tell me? she wondered. We’re the only benders here. It should have made us closer, not pushed us apart.
Well, it would be up to Katara to fix that. Determinedly, the seven year old walked over to Sokka.
“You’re a firebender,” she said, awed.
Sokka rapidly turned around, a terrified look on his face. “You can’t tell anyone!” he cried. “Please, Katara, just forget this ever happened.”
“But you have a gift, Sokka,” Katara insisted. “Just like me.”
“I’m not like you,” Sokka said bitterly. “I’m a firebender.”
“So what?” Katara cried. “You’re one of us, Sokka, you’re Southern Water Tribe. Your bending doesn’t change that.”
Sokka looked doubtfully at Katara. “You really think the tribe will want a firebender among them?” he said bitterly.
“They won’t care,” Katara assured him. “Everyone in the tribe cares for and supports one another. They love you, and your gift won’t change that.”
Sokka smiled at Katara, but it was sad. “Thanks. But I still don’t want them to know.”
Katara huffed. “You’re being stupid,” she told him. “Sneaking out alone to bend instead of just telling people. You’re lucky you never got yourself in danger.”
“I’ve been doing this for years, Katara, I know what I’m doing,” Sokka dismissed.
The waterbender froze. “Sokka… how long have you known you were a firebender?”
A guilty look flashed across Sokka’s face and he avoided Katara’s gaze. “Three years,” he muttered.
“Three years?!” Katara shouted. “You’ve been lying and keeping your gift a secret for three years? Why?!”
“Because it’s not a gift, Katara,” Sokka hissed. “It’s a curse. I’m not lucky like you, I’m not a waterbender. My element is fire, just like the people we’ve been at war with for almost a hundred years.”
“Sokka, I’ve never seen you as happy as when you were bending earlier,” Katara said softly. “How can it be a curse?”
Sokka dragged a hand across his face, groaning. “It just is, Katara.”
Katara glared, stomping her foot. “You’re keeping secrets again! Why can’t you just trust me?”
“Why would I trust you when you always run off to tell Father everything!” Sokka snapped.
“At least I’m not keeping secrets!” Katara shouted. “Families shouldn’t keep secrets from each other. And this is a really big secret, Sokka.”
The firebender sighed. “I know. But it needs to stay a secret, Katara. Please, just… trust me?”
Katara pouted. “But you don’t trust me.”
“I don’t trust anyone,” Sokka said flatly. “Not with this.”
“Sokka, they won’t care!” Katara cried. “At least tell Mom and Dad. They love you Sokka, I know they’ll love your bending, too. And that way we can play with it together. It can be our special thing.”
Katara could see it in her mind's eye. Mom and Dad would accept Sokka, he wouldn’t keep secrets anymore, and their family would be happier. Katara would have someone to bend with, and she and Sokka would bond over it and get close again. It was the perfect plan.
“I can’t tell them, Katara, I can’t,” cried Sokka desperately. “And you can’t tell them either. I’ll do anything, I’ll even let you join me in bending out here, just please, please don’t tell them.”
Katara sighed. She could tell Sokka wasn’t going to budge on this, and she didn’t want to fight with her brother.
“Okay,” she reluctantly agreed.
Her brother gave a giant, relieved grin.
“Thank you, Katara, thank you so much,” he said.
The boy hesitated for a minute before asking something. “Do you… do you want to join me?”
Katara grinned broadly. “Yes!” she cried. “Yes, I do. I can’t wait to see more of your bending. It’s so beautiful.”
Sokka looked bashful but proud at Katara’s words. “Okay,” he said. “Let me show you what I can do.”
Katara watched in amazement as Sokka demonstrated the things he had learned. He seemed to have modified and adapted some of Katara’s waterbending forms (had he been spying?) and some of his warrior training into firebending katas. He was talented, too, the fire swirling around him in complete control. Katara laughed and clapped whenever Sokka pulled off an especially impressive move.
Katara could see so clearly how much Sokka’s bending meant to him. He smiled more openly and honestly than she had ever seen as he danced with the flames. Just like for Katara, bending was part of who Sokka was. He clearly felt the same sort of completeness in his element as Katara felt with hers.
The two of them stayed out for hours, until Sokka noticed how Katara’s eyes were drooping. Her big brother scooped her up and carried Katara home, before tucking her into bed and promising to let her join him in his bending practice whenever she wanted.
As Katara went to sleep, she had a rising feeling of hope and joy. Things were healing between her and her brother, and as soon as she told the rest of the family, they would all become close again. And everything would be as it should.
Notes:
I'm sure absolutely nothing will go wrong after this. (*evil laughter*)
Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter! Feel free to leave a kudo or comment if you want. I might not have the energy to respond all the time, but I read them all and I really do appreciate it.
Chapter 5: The Price We Pay
Summary:
Sokka faces the consequences of Katara's betrayal
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Sokka screamed in pain as the lashes dug into his back.
“I'm sorry!” he screamed. “I'm sorry, I won't do it again!”
“Oh, I think you will,” spat Hakoda. “You're an ashmaker, clearly it's in your nature.”
“I just wanted to bend, I wasn't hurting anyone!” Sokka sobbed.
Hakoda smacked him harshly across the head. “You hurt the tribe just by existing, you monster,” he hissed. “We'd all be better off if you'd never been born.”
“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,” Sokka cried. “Please stop sir, it's too much.”
“Oh, I don't think so,” Hakoda said cruelly. “You want to bend so badly? Fine.”
“Really?” Sokka breathed.
“Oh yes,” said Hakoda with a vicious grin. “You're going to use your firebending to sear your own flesh off.”
Sokka stared at the man in horror. “But… my bending isn't for hurting people.”
“Yes, but you're not a person, are you?” Hakoda sneered. “You're an ashmaker. And you're going to do as I say, or I'll do something far, far worse to you. I've been holding the men back during your punishments all these years. I'm sure they'd love to assault you like you really deserve.”
“Yes, sir,” Sokka choked out. Tears streaming down his face, Sokka lit his hand ablaze, before placing the fire against his own bare leg. The child screamed in agony as he felt his flesh burn away.
“Keep going, ashmaker,” Hakoda hissed.
Sobbing, Sokka did as he commanded, continuing to burn his own skin and muscle, until he couldn't bear to any longer. He let go of his leg, letting the fire flicker into nothing.
At Sokka’s disobedience, Hakoda raised his whip again, aiming it directly on Sokka's fresh burn. Sokka let out an agonized cry.
“I didn't say you could stop!” Hakoda snarled.
Sokka hesitated. The burn was worse than any pain he had ever felt, but he was terrified of what the men would do to him if they got full control. Looking down at the burn, Sokka realized that if it went on much longer, he would likely do serious, irreparable damage to his leg. Gathering up his courage, Sokka said something he had never before dared.
“No.”
“What did you just say?” Hakoda hissed.
“I said no,” Sokka said bravely. “I will not do that.”
Hakoda bared his teeth. “When me and the men are done with you, you'll wish you'd obeyed.”
As the other men entered the training room and stripped off their clothing before gathering up an assortment of weapons, Sokka couldn't help but fear that Hakoda might be right. But he couldn't deny a spark of pride at his actions. For the first time, he had stood up to the men of his tribe. It may not be worth it, but at least he had proven that he was still a fighter.
Even if he was too scared to fight back with his fire and fists.
ᐃᒻᓂᖅ
The next few hours were horrific. Hakoda had made good on his promise, and the men’s revenge was worse than Sokka had imagined. He was lucky that they granted him time with the healer afterwards; Sokka guessed that Hakoda wanted to hide it so he could keep Katara on his side. Sokka's sister was fiercely brave and loyal, and deep down Sokka knew that she wouldn't willingly subject anyone to the treatment he had been receiving for the past three years. Still, that didn't stop him from being angry at his sister for her actions. If Katara had just kept quiet, like she promised, Sokka wouldn't currently have his body covered in fresh cuts, bruises and a severe burn. Still, it taught him an important lesson; Katara could not be trusted. Even if he still cared for her.
All the same, Sokka was still feeling angry at his sister, so when she met him outside of the warrior’s training hut, Sokka brushed past her without a word.
“Sokka!” Katara called, hurrying after him. “Sokka, wait!”
“Leave me alone, Katara!” Sokka snapped. He just wanted to lie down and cry, not deal with the sister he loved yet was jealous of, cared for but couldn't trust.
“But Sokka, don't you see, I had to!” Katara said earnestly. “Dad needed to know, you were keeping secrets, and it was ruining our family-”
“Ruining the family?” Sokka said, laughing incredulously. “Katara, I didn't ruin anything. There is no ‘family,’ there never was. Not really.“
“Of course there is, Sokka!” cried Katara. “I love you, Mom and Dad love you, the whole tribe does! You're my big brother, you always will be.”
“I'm not!” Sokka yelled. “Don't you get it, Katara? I'm not like you. I'm a firebender! I'm Fire Nation! I'm not even Hakoda's real son!”
Katara drew back. “What?” she said horrified. “But, but Mom wouldn't-”
Sokka laughed harshly. “Not everyone gets a choice, Katara. Grow up.”
Katara’s eyes welled up in tears. “I can't believe you!” she yelled. “All I want is to be a family, but you're still keeping secrets! You're ruining everything!”
“Can't ruin what's already broken,” Sokka huffed.
“It's not broken, Sokka!” Katara cried. “Just let us in, we can help. Just, just stop with all the secrets, please .”
“Why should I?” snapped Sokka. “You'll just go running to Dad like you always do! You're the one ruining everything, and I never want to speak to you ever again!”
At Sokka’s impulsive words, Katara’s eyes welled up with tears. “I hate you!” she screamed, before running away from her brother, crying.
Sokka sighed as he watched her run off. He knew that would cause more problems for him down the line, but he couldn't care right now. He couldn't feel anything other than numb.
The young boy started walking back to his room, hoping to lie down and let himself finally feel something about the past few hours. Before he could make it, though, something changed. It started to snow, but instead of the usual white flakes Sokka was used to, this snow was jet black.
Not snow, Sokka realized. Ash. He recognized it from the remains of the campfires the tribe would huddle around. Sokka didn't understand why it was falling from the sky, but it clearly meant something to the rest of the tribe, because he was quickly ushered into the big hut with the women and children, while the men readied themselves for a fight.
It's the Fire Nation, Sokka realized. But why were they here? What could they want?
There was a palpable sense of terror in the hut as they all cowered, praying that the Fire Nation brutes would leave quickly and cause no damage. An unlikely wish, but Sokka couldn't help but hope. After all, the Fire Nation must be truly awful for the tribe to hate Sokka so much just for being born. Sokka prepared himself for the sound of fighting, but the world was eerily silent. So silent that Sokka jumped in surprise when someone finally walked in.
He let out a deep breath when he saw who it was. The child didn't think he'd ever been this relieved to see Hakoda. At least he wasn't Fire Nation, and Sokka understood how to deal with this particular man.
“Sokka, with me,” Hakoda said harshly.
“But, the Fire Nation-”
“Now, Sokka!” Hakoda snapped.
Sokka looked around the room, hoping that someone would stand up for him. Despite a few sympathetic expressions, there was only silence. Many even wore looks of glee.
They don't care, Sokka realized. He didn't know why he thought they might. Everyone had made it quite clear that he wasn't one of them. So, gathering up his courage, Sokka followed Hakoda out of the hut.
The older man gripped Sokka’s arm tightly. The child hissed in pain, but didn't dare complain as Hakoda dragged him along. Sokka followed obediently as his step-father took him over to where a group of Fire Nation soldiers stood in formation. To Sokka's horror, Hakoda handed him roughly over to the men.
“There. You have the ashmaker,” Hakoda spat. “Do whatever you wish with him, but leave my tribe in peace.”
The head soldier looked back at Hakoda in disgust.
“You savages really have no shame, do you?” he said, repulsed. “Disgraceful.”
Then, turning his face to Sokka, the man's face became gentle. The young firebender felt confused; it was the first time an adult had looked at him like that.
“Come with me, child,” he said gently. “Come join your true people. I promise we'll take better care of you than these savages.”
Sokka may have heard all about how evil the Fire Nation was, and him by extent, but he wasn't stupid. He knew he didn't really have a choice. So instead, Sokka nodded his head and let himself be led onto the ship, and away from the only home he had ever known.
And still, Sokka felt nothing.
Notes:
I hope you enjoyed the new chapter! Tell me what you thought in the comments, if you want. See you on Friday for the next chapter!
Chapter 6: The Most Dangerous Thing is to Love
Summary:
Azula sees something she wasn't supposed to.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Azula made her way through the palace, grinning. Zuko should be in his room right now, so it was the perfect time to go in and bother him. She was his little sister; it was practically her moral duty to give him a hard time. Besides, Father always said Zuko was weak, and deserved everything he got. Father was powerful and intelligent and vicious, everything Azula wanted to be, so there was no way he was wrong.
Even if she still thought of how her brother was the only one to comfort Azula after Mother lashed out last week. Still, what did that matter? Zuko was a pushover, weak and useless. He couldn't help Azula become great and powerful like she needed to be.
Humming, Azula skipped through the hallways, taking pleasure in the way the servants scurried out of the way when they saw her. As they should; she was born better than them, and everybody knew it. Still grinning, she reached the door of Zuko's room. Then, she paused. There were odd noises coming from inside the room. Moans, the slap of skin, and, most concerning, the sound of muffled sobs.
What is Zuko doing in there? wondered Azula nervously. Was he okay? She felt an odd sense of trepidation as she slowly, carefully cracked the door open. Peeking through the gap, Azula froze at a sight she never expected.
Father was there, pinning down Zuko’s small body on the bed. They were both naked, and father was moving in and out of Zuko's prone form as he grinned cruelly. It was vicious and violent as he thrust into her young, innocent brother.
Without the rich silks covering Zuko's form, Azula saw, for the first time, that his small body was absolutely covered in burns. Burns the exact size and shape of her father's hands. Many of them were clearly old, already scarred over, but some were fresh or barely healing.
This is what Father meant when he said he was punishing Zuko, Azula realized with horror. This is why Zuko always looked so scared.
How could Azula have ever thought that Ozai was good, if he was doing this to her brother? Her older brother, who was always too good and kind for this place. Her brother, who for all his faults, could never have deserved this.
“You're weak,” spat Ozai as he violently raped his oldest child. “I wouldn't have to do this to you if you could just get things right. You know you deserve this.”
Tears streamed down Zuko’s face as he lay there weakly. Of course he did; he wasn't strong enough to fight back against Ozai. He was soft and weak, too kind and too gentle for the palace. Too sweet and too polite to make Ozai happy.
Why doesn't he work harder to please Ozai? Azula wondered. Because it had always been clear to her that Zuko chose to be kind, chose to ignore Ozai's teachings. Why would he do that, if this was the result?
“I'm sorry, Father,” choked out Zuko. “I'm sorry I'm not worthy like Azula. I deserve to be punished.”
To an average person, Zuko’s face would look heartbroken, but Azula could spot the determination, resolve, and cunning in Zuko's eyes. Like this was all part of his plan, and Ozai was falling right into line. With that one expression, Azula finally understood. She knew exactly why Zuko never tried to please Ozai. He was choosing to fail, because the more he failed, the more Ozai's anger would fall on him. Him and not Azula.
Zuko had been secretly, silently suffering, getting raped and burned by his own father for who knows how long, and he'd been doing it all for Azula.
And she had thought him weak.
Azula needed to leave. She needed to leave and scheme and find a way to keep her brother safe. She needed to leave before she was caught, and became a target of Ozai's rage. But in her sheer terror, Azula was left frozen in front of the door, still watching. Frozen, as Ozai finished with her brother, and started to prepare to leave.
As Azula stayed there, paralyzed in fear, Zuko’s golden eyes met hers. They widened in horror, more terrified than she had ever seen from her older brother.
“Leave!” he mouthed silently. But Azula was frozen. Frozen, and about to be caught. All of Zuko's efforts would be wasted, and next time, it would be Azula lying naked and burned under Ozai.
Maybe it would have ended that way, if it weren't for her brother. Her brave, stupid, strong-as-Agni brother who raised himself from the bed and, with perfect form he had never before shown, threw two powerful blasts of fire at Ozai's prone back.
The man clearly hadn't expected anything like that from his “weak” and “cowardly” son, because the fire hit him dead on. Ozai screamed in agony, but still managed to turn around and face his son.
“You'll regret that, you little freak!” he growled, his face set with terrifying rage.
Azula watched in fearful awe as her big brother bravely stared down his abuser.
“I don't think I will, Father!” Zuko spat, baring his teeth.
The boy threw another blast of fire, but this time Ozai was prepared. Zuko might be wildly talented, (and wasn't that a shock) but he was still only nine, and Ozai was the most powerful firebender in the world.
Time seemed to freeze as Ozai whipped his arms in a circle, drawing sparks of electricity around his fingertips. Azula could do nothing but watch as the man threw a bolt of lightning into the small body of his only son.
The blast hit Zuko straight in the chest, so hard it threw him against the wall. The smell of burned flesh wafted through the air as his limp, lifeless body collapsed in a heap on the floor.
Finally, far too late to matter, Azula found herself able to move. As her father stood sneering over Zuko’s dead body, Azula bolted. She ran as quickly and silently as she could, avoiding the guards and servants as she made her way to the garden Mother and… and Zuko had loved. The garden where the turtleducks used to live, before Azula had killed them. The garden where Zuko had comforted her, even surrounded by the dead bodies of his favorite animal.
Zuko had always, always been better than this place. Better than Azula deserved.
The child ignored that thought as she rushed to where her mother sat by the now empty pond.
“Mother! Mother!” Azula cried desperately.
“Quiet, Azula!” Mother snapped. “I'm trying to enjoy the garden.”
“But, but Mother-”
“Silence, Azula!” cried Mother. “I am sick and tired of dealing with you. All I wanted was to enjoy time in the garden. I didn't need someone like you coming in to ruin it.”
“Mother, just listen-”
“No, Azula, you listen,” came Mother's cold voice. “I have put up with you for far too long. I never wanted to have a child like you. You're cruel and cold and evil, and I wish that for once in your Agni-damned life you would leave me and your brother alone! Everyone would be so much better off if you had never even been born!”
Azula growled, and in a wave of fury and grief, she finally snapped, letting loose a wave of bright blue flame to the tree Mother and Zuko loved so much.
Mother finally rose from her seat, storming over to smack Azula sharply across the face. The seven year old froze under her mother's furious gaze.
“Stop this at once, Azula!” Mother snapped.
“Why?!” screamed Azula, barely choking back tears. “It's just a tree! It burns, just like everything else! Why does it even matter? Everything burns, Mother, everything burns here!”
In her rage and heartbreak, Azula threw more fire, lighting up the bushes, the trees, the flowers. Because why should they live? Why should they live, when Zuko didn't?
“It's just plants!” Azula screamed. “It doesn't matter! Watch it burn, Mother, watch everything you love here burn!”
Just like Azula had.
The child laughed hysterically, because if she didn't, she would break down into tears. And she couldn't do that, she couldn't be like Zuko. Because Zuko was kind and caring and good and brave, and that's why he burned.
As she watched her garden burn to the ground, Mother looked down at Azula in disgust. “You're just like your father,” she spat, before storming away. And Azula was left alone.
The child screamed, an agonized, heartbroken sound as she threw more fire, setting the rest of the garden ablaze. Her fire burned blue at last, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered in a world where Azula was alone.
“Everything burns!” she screamed. “Everyone and everything that's good just burns!”
Azula fell to her knees. “Why?” she sobbed. “Why did he have to die?”
Her only brother. The one she was told was weak and pathetic. Finally, far too late, she knew the truth. Zuko wasn't weak. He was the strongest and best person she had ever known. He was the only actually good thing in this whole, awful place. This place where her own father could keep such a horrific secret, and her own mother wouldn't even care to listen when Azula asked for help. The place where everyone lied, where everyone kept secrets, and in the end everyone burned.
But why was she surprised? Nothing good survived here. Zuko was always going to die, she realized. Because he was too strong to be corrupted, and nothing good ever survived in the palace. You either became broken and cruel, or you died.
Azula knew which option she had to choose. After all, her brother died to save her, and she couldn't throw that away. She would have to live, live for Zuko. Live for the dead boy who had been good and kind, and was hated and burned. Burned just like the turtleducks. Just like the garden. Because everything, everything burns here. Everything good burned and died in the palace of lies and secrets.
So if nothing good survived, Azula would have to be cruel. She would have to bury the spark of kindness that still burned inside her, and do whatever it took to keep herself safe. It was the only way she could move forward. She would bury her kindness, bury her grief, and, against all odds, maybe she would survive.
Even if Azula knew, deep down, that she would never be whole again.
Notes:
I'm particularly proud of this chapter. It was actually the chapter that made me decide to make Azula a main character in the story. I enjoyed writing her too much not to. So get used to seeing more of Azula going forward!
Chapter 7: A Glorious Day for the Fire Nation (A Horrible Day for Us All)
Summary:
Ozai deals with the aftermath.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Ozai stood angrily over the limp body of his son. His son, who dared to attack him. His son, who was weak and pathetic and ungrateful for the privileges he received. It was a shame his end was so quick. Merciful, honestly. It sickened Ozai. Mercy was for the weak. Not for people like Ozai, the prince of the fire nation, the man who, despite the line of succession, would someday be Firelord.
Unfortunately, Ozai knew that Azulan would not stand for the death of a member of the royal family. Even the weakling prince they all hated. His father had never cared about Ozai’s justified actions before, but killing the brat was a line the Firelord would not allow to be crossed. So Ozai would have to take him down before he found out.
His mind racing, Ozai began to scheme. It didn’t take long before the perfect plan came to mind. Smirking, Ozai made his way to the corpse of his son. The body would need to be disposed of, but for now, it was best to hide it under the bed. However, as he moved closer, Ozai saw that the prince, even struck with lightning as he was, still lived and breathed. It was barely noticeable, the boy barely clinging onto life, but there was no doubt. Slowly, a wicked grin began to take over Ozai’s face.
Perfect, he thought. The spirits must favor Ozai, because they gave him a chance to give Zuko the treatment he truly deserved for his crimes. Readjusting his plans, Ozai began to figure out how he could truly break the boy. First, though, he would need to disguise the brat. There must be no chance someone could connect Prince Zuko with the lowly wretch he would become. Ozai lifted his hand to the boy’s face in a mockery of a caress, and lit his hand ablaze. He watched joyfully as the boy burned. Ozai made sure the flames were as intense as he could make them without actually killing the brat. He had much, much better plans than an easy death.
Ozai breathed in the sweet scent of burning flesh as he branded his weakling son. It was only a shame that he couldn’t be conscious for the event, but no matter. The brat would wake to the horrific burn and know it was his penance.
Finally, Ozai let the boy go, before straightening himself up and calling for his personal healer. It was one he hired specifically to take care of the brat’s more suspicious injuries. The man was excellent at making sure the child healed enough to live, but slowly and with much pain.
Ozai let the details of his plan come together, both for the brat’s continued existence and his father and brother’s soon-to-be deaths. The future Firelord could already taste his success, and he knew in his bones that today would be a new dawn; the beginning of a glorious future for the Fire Nation and the world. And he, as always, would be leading the charge to victory.
⽕
Ozai wore his finest robes as he bowed beneath Firelord Azulon. Beside him, also dressed in finery, were the body doubles that had been hired for Iroh and Zuko. The family kept many such duplicates for various reasons, and with a few threats and a great deal of gold, these two were firmly on Ozai’s side. The one for Iroh would have the privilege of watching the dethroning of Firelord Azulon, before getting publicly executed as a traitor. As for Zuko’s double, well. He wouldn’t leave the room alive.
The prince knew without a doubt that this would be a great day for the Fire Nation. Azulon was much too weak and old to be Firelord, and Iroh was even worse. No, the only way the Fire Nation could prosper would be if Ozai took the crown.
He was going to enjoy this very much.
“Prince Ozai, Prince Iroh,” the old man spoke. After a pause, he distastefully added, “Prince Zuko. Tell me, why have you requested this meeting?”
“Simple, Your Majesty,” said Ozai, rising to his feet with a grin. “The Fire Nation is beginning to falter in the war. Iroh has revealed himself to be too weak to rule with his disgraceful defeat in Ba Sing Se. And you, Father? You have grown feeble and complacent in your old age. The Fire Nation needs a new ruler. A better ruler. I intend to take on this responsibility.”
Azulon’s eyes widened with realization, but his instincts and power had dulled in old age. Ozai’s lightning struck the man in the heart, and his weakened body could not take it. Unlike Zuko, Azulon was dead beyond a doubt. A second bolt of lightning took out Zuko’s body double before Ozai stripped his shirt off and burned the garment, letting his fresh injuries show as he put the outfit back on.
Ozai signaled to the remaining body double, and the man began to laugh loudly, cruelly. A laugh fit for a victorious traitor. Doubling over, Ozai screamed as if in agony. As expected, the doors to the throne room burst open, and the imperial guards swarmed in. Before they could react, Iroh’s body double bolted out of the room.
“Traitor!” Ozai screamed in rage. “Guards, sound the alarms! Seize him!”
Taking in the scene, the guards came to the conclusion Ozai intended, and carried out his orders. Three of them remained to guard the new Firelord, while the others chased after the traitor. With the real Iroh already secretly disposed of, there would be nothing to stop Ozai from executing his “brother” and claiming the throne for himself.
A great day for the fire nation, indeed.
⽕
As he had every day since returning to the Fire Nation, Iroh visited the monument for his beloved Lu Ten. It was built outside the palace, on a hill Lu Ten had played on when he was young. Once it was a happy place for an innocent child. Now, all that was left was a plaque and the daily offerings and incense Iroh left for his son. It had only been two months since his only child had perished, and Iroh was still overwhelmed with sorrow.
Here, with only the guards to witness his grief, Iroh let himself mourn the child he had raised. The child he had led to his death.
“I’m so sorry, my son,” he sobbed. “I should have done better.”
What use is any of this? Iroh wondered. What use is anything, when death is the only thing the Fire Nation’s greatness brings?
The crown prince was so overcome by grief that he failed to notice the signs. It took the sound of fire for Iroh to recognize the threat that lay behind him.
Swirling around, Iroh cut through the wave of flames the traitorous guards sent at him. The sneak attack nearly worked, but Iroh was not known as the Dragon of the West for nothing. He was ruthless as he dispatched his enemies. They were well trained, but no match for the crown prince, and one by one, the traitors fell. Iroh wasn’t sure if they were alive or dead, but it didn’t matter. He only needed one. The last guard to fall, Iroh was careful to leave alive, if badly injured. Grabbing the man by his shirt, Iroh lit a flame in his hand and held it inches from the man’s face.
“Who sent you?” he snarled. “What do they want?”
The man smiled viciously. “My life may be forfeit, but you’ve already lost,” he said gleefully. “Prince Zuko and Firelord Azulon are dead, and the true rightful ruler, Firelord Ozai, has ascended!”
No, thought Iroh in horror. He cared for his father, even with all his flaws, but the true loss was his nephew. Zuko gave him hope for the royal family. He held a kindness in him that had been snuffed out in the rest of them. Iroh loved Zuko like his own, and he had failed the child. Meanwhile, with Ozai clearly planning on blaming Iroh for the attack, the crown prince would have no choice but to leave. Besides, it wasn’t as if anything was left for him here. Not without Zuko. There was no hope left for the family members that remained, so Iroh was better off alone.
Iroh’s destiny as the future Firelord had fallen apart in an instant, but there was nothing to be done. He would have to find a new life, away from his home. Still, as Iroh began to plan his escape, he knew that as far as he ran, he would never be able to escape the guilt and grief that weighed on him at the loss of every family member that he truly cared about.
It was a dark day for the Fire Nation, indeed.
Notes:
The body doubles is something that actually exists in universe, as mentioned in the Kyoshi novels. I always thought that Ozai's coup was rather obvious, so I wanted to give him a better plan this time. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, and I'll see you Friday!
Chapter 8: A Different Life, a Different Death
Summary:
Zuko wakes up.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Zuko woke up to darkness and burning agony. His chest and the left side of his face were in excruciating pain, and Zuko knew there could only be one person to blame. His father, unsatisfied with simply burning and assaulting Zuko, had tried to kill him.
In a daze, Zuko looked around the room he was in. It was small and cramped, made of rough metal with very little decoration. A small porthole let a bit of light in, allowing Zuko a glimpse of the wide ocean outside.
What had happened? Why was Zuko on a ship? The boy felt a spike of fear and uncertainty. At least in the palace, Zuko understood the rules. He knew what to do to get the reaction he wanted from his father and mother, he knew how to keep Azula safe. Now, he was being taken away from everything he had ever known, and there would be nothing he could do to protect his only sister.
Did she even get away in time? Zuko didn’t remember. He prayed that he had bought her enough time to run, but he wasn’t sure. Either way, though, Zuko had failed. Even if Azula got away, she was now alone in the Fire Nation palace with Father, and the man’s rage would soon fall down upon his remaining child.
And with Zuko being sent Agni knows where, there was nothing he could do to stop it.
“No,” Zuko murmured, his voice hoarse. “No, I can’t be here, I need to go back, I need to protect her!”
There had to be a way to get back, there just had to.
Zuko sat in silence and agony, contemplating his options. It would all depend on where he ended up. Zuko would likely need to sneak aboard a ship back to the Fire Nation, but what could he even do to protect Azula, if he was constantly hiding from Father? Surely if Zuko was being sent away, there would be severe consequences if he was caught returning. In that moment, Zuko felt more hopeless than he had in years. The one thing that had been driving him for most of his young life, the need to protect his little sister, was out of his reach.
What could he possibly do now?
Zuko was still caught up in his head when the door to his room opened with a creak. It was the same man Ozai regularly sent to heal him, but always just barely. Only enough for it to be hidden. Zuko crawled away from the man as best he could, but the healer simply clucked his tongue.
“If you want to get better, there’s no use avoiding me,” the man said. “Besides, I have something for you. Orders from the new Firelord.”
The man roughly handed Zuko a scroll. With trembling hands, Zuko took it. He squinted with his one good eye, trying to make out what it said.
Worthless wretch, the scroll read, in your betrayal, you have shown the depths of your disgrace, and you are no longer any child of mine. If you wish to survive and have any chance at redemption, then you will heed my commandments.
Prince Zuko is dead. He died in a horrific attack by the traitor Iroh, along with the great Firelord Azulon. His death will be mourned by the country for years. Prince Zuko is no more, and you, traitorous scum, are a poor commoner named Lee. You will be sent to a prison camp in the Earth Kingdom colonies as the price of your betrayal. When I believe you have understood the consequences of your treachery, you will return to the palace. Until then, the warden has orders to make you truly suffer for your sins.
If you dare to breathe a whisper of what you know, then you will never return, and you will be slowly tortured to death, followed by your beloved mother.
No one who crosses me ever wins, Lee. Remember with every day you suffer, that this is the fate you have earned in your disgrace.
Glory be to the Fire Nation.
Signed, his Imperial Majesty, Firelord Ozai.
Zuko stared at the scroll in shock, before handing it mutely back to the healer. The man quickly set it ablaze, burning any remaining evidence of Zuko’s true identity
“Is this… is this true?” he whispered to the healer.
“It is, Lee,” the man said. “Be grateful that you are even alive. Many would not receive such mercy.”
As always, the man’s face showed no sympathy or kindness as he stared down at Zuko’s battered body. Still, he at least continued to explain as he tended to Zuko’s wounds.
“Firelord Ozai wants you alive,” the man said calmly. “He plans for your eventual return, and, as such, you will not be released to the camp until you are fully healed. Infection is much more of a risk there, after all. He has ordered me to be more thorough than usual, so that your transfer can occur sooner.”
“How much longer do I have?” Zuko asked quietly.
“Six weeks, perhaps as many as eight,” the healer said, matter of fact. “The burns are extremely severe, and I will only feel comfortable releasing you to such an environment safely after that amount of time.”
“I’m surprised Father wants me alive,” whispered Zuko.
“Don’t show the Firelord disrespect, Lee,” the healer said coldly. “You are not his child, and you will address Firelord Ozai with the respect befitting of his station.”
Zuko nodded. “Yes, sir,” he mumbled.
The healer looked down at Zuko. “I understand that this will be an adjustment. But for the sake of your life and that of those you care for, you must remember that you are not royalty. You are not the child of Firelord Ozai. You are just a simple commoner named Lee.”
“Yes, sir,” Zuko murmured. Then he paused. “Sir, will you… will you teach me about the life of Fire Nation commoners?”
At the man’s cold gaze, Zuko hastened to explain.
“I need to know more about it if I’m to pass as a commoner,” he said hurriedly. “I wouldn’t want to reveal the secret because of basic facts I am unaware of.”
The healer seemed to consider this, before assenting. “Very well,” he said. “You will spend the next few weeks healing and practicing your story, Lee. For both our sakes, the Firelord’s orders must be heeded.”
Zuko felt the burning joy of success. He had been given very little information on the status of the commoners before, and he had had a feeling that there had to be something that the royal family was covering up. So he listened obediently as one of the only men who knew of Zuko’s fate began to explain life as a member of the lowest class of the Fire Nation.
Over the next few weeks, the healer slowly began to explain the conditions of Fire Nation civilians to Zuko. The man told Zuko about the exploitation of resources that ruined small towns, leaving them impoverished and the environment polluted and destroyed. Zuko learned of the backbreaking labor most civilians participated in, only to see most of their spoils sent away to the capital. The man described the mandatory screenings of fire benders, with the most exceptionally talented removed from their homes and raised with nobility, groomed for high positions in the military. He explained the draft, which took children as young as seventeen, regardless of their physical ability to fight. Zuko was told of how many towns were lacking skilled tradesmen, guards and healers, as anyone with usable talent was drafted, either into the war, or, if they were lucky, trained to serve the elite. The healer even described the lessons every Fire Nation citizen was raised on, designed to ensure complete obedience to the crown.
It was horrifying. Each story laid out to Zuko the disparity in how each class of citizen was treated in his country, and it disgusted him. His life in the palace was horrible, true, but it was somehow worse to know that even the stories of the prosperity of the rest of the Fire Nation were lies.
“Is it… really that bad?” Zuko asked quietly, on what was to be the last night of his stay.
The healer looked down at Zuko. There was still no affection in his gaze, but Zuko had learned to read him in the past month and a half. What he once believed was heartlessness was instead a man so broken that he no longer felt anything, simply moving through life like a hollow shell, obeying any orders he received. Zuko didn’t have it in him to hate the man anymore, not when the stories he told painted a picture of a man who was destroyed by the actions of Zuko’s own family.
“Yes,” the healer finally said. “But not for everyone. The middle classes enjoy more freedoms and less suffering, and the nobles enjoy a utopia built on the shoulders of the lower classes.”
Zuko sat silently, taking in all he had learned. “It’s horrible,” he whispered.
For once, the man did not correct Zuko on his traitorous words. Probably because where Zuko was going, he would be a traitor. Lee, the traitorous commoner who dared to defy the Firelord.
Many would call it mercy that Zuko even survived, but the young firebender knew better. His father didn’t believe in mercy. The only reason he was keeping Zuko alive was because the Firelord thought he could make Zuko suffer a fate worse than death.
Still, none of that mattered. Because even though Father was a liar, Zuko knew that the man enjoyed torturing his son personally. The Firelord would allow Zuko to return, once he believed the child sufficiently broken. It would likely take years, but Zuko knew that eventually, his father would bring him back to the Caldera. And then, finally, Zuko would have a chance at returning to his duty.
Stay safe, Azula, Zuko thought. I promise I’m coming back.
Notes:
Next chapter, Zuko arrives at the prison camp. Get ready.
Chapter 9: The Cost of Our Choices
Summary:
Zuko arrives at the prison camp.
Notes:
Okay, so fair warning, the sections with Zuko in prison are going to be the darkest in this fic. They're based partly on a really good but dark fic called Leaving it All Behind by Sreeder, and partly on concentration camps. I hope those of you that stick around still enjoy it, but if it's too much for you, no shame. Take care of yourself.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Zuko was weighed down with heavy chains as he was dragged into the camp where he would live for the foreseeable future. Zuko had known that he was in for a horrific few years, but it was different seeing the camp in person. It was a massive fortress built in the middle of the ocean. Enormous walls of metal surrounded the whole structure, each topped with yards of razor wire. There were plentiful guard towers, and Zuko could spot dozens of soldiers patrolling.
The nine year old child gulped, but refused to show the extent of his fear as he stepped off the boat that he had been staying on, and was immediately surrounded by a handful of guards.
“Come along, prisoner 0937,” one of them said, pulling on Zuko’s chains and forcing him to stumble after the guards. He was led up to the heavily barricaded gate, and after passing along several pieces of paperwork and code words, the first gate was raised. Zuko was let into a small gap, and the previous gate closed heavily behind him. He sat in darkness for several seconds, before the second gate began to raise, and Zuko got his first look at his new home.
There was a large courtyard surrounded by several structures. Each one was large and imposing and made entirely out of metal. Every small window that existed was reinforced with metal bars in between the glass. Guards patrolled every corner, and there was a massive structure in the middle of the courtyard; a set of gallows and whipping posts.
The whole scene sent a cold shiver down Zuko’s spine. He stared around the place apprehensively as the guards dragged him through the square. He was taken to a small, unassuming building in the corner of the courtyard, and led inside.
“Strip,” the lead guard commanded.
Oddly enough, the command, as terrifying as it was, strangely put him somewhat at ease. This was something Zuko understood, in a place full of terrors he was unaware of. Sexual assault was a type of violence Zuko understood.
The guards were brutal but quick, before Zuko’s clothes were unceremoniously burned and he was led into the next room, still naked. There, a woman carefully shaved off all of his hair, before a guard brought forth a series of metal pokers, each labeled with numbers. Zuko prepared himself for the familiar pain of burning, but he still screamed when it happened. When the guards finally stepped away, the numbers “0937” were branded onto his arm.
“Special rules for you, 0937,” the guard said gruffly. “You’re Firelord Ozai’s special prisoner, so you will receive medical care when necessary. Can’t have the Firelord’s personal prisoner die early, can we? Not when we still have so many fun things to do to you.”
“Medical care” turned out to be a layer of antibiotic cream and a bandage, before Zuko was given a set of brown rags to wear and ushered back into the square. By this point, the previously empty square had become flooded with prisoners. Strangely, Zuko could tell who had been here longest by the length of their hair. New prisoners had completely bald heads, while many others had hair of varying lengths. One man’s hair even reached almost down to his knees. Zuko wondered how long the man had been in this awful place.
To his horror, Zuko was led straight to the punishment platform. Hopeless faces watched Zuko’s small form as he was once again stripped and lashed to the whipping post.
“I’m going to enjoy this, Prisoner 0937,” the guard hissed, before spitting on Zuko’s prone body. Zuko heard the woosh of firebending before the fire whip hit his bare back. He screamed in agony, but the lashes kept coming. Over and over, until it was finally too much, and Zuko fell into the blessed relief of unconsciousness.
⽕
Zuko woke up to a pleasant cooling sensation on his back. He groaned, and tried to move, before a gentle voice hushed him.
“Careful, there,” the man said softly. “You got hurt pretty bad. You’re lucky I’m one of the best healers Agna Qel'a ever trained.”
“Will I have problems moving after this?” Zuko croaked out.
“As long as you do some physical therapy for a few months, you should be okay,” the man assured Zuko.
The child breathed out in relief. Both at the healer’s words and the relieving sensation in his back. The man must be a waterbender with impressive healing capabilities, because after an hour-long session, Zuko’s back ceased to hurt at all.
“Thank you,” Zuko said quietly, bowing to the older man.
“Hey, don’t worry about it,” the man said softly. “Even if the guards hadn’t ordered me, I’d have done it anyways. Kids don’t belong in this awful place.”
Tears welled up in Zuko’s eyes at the first hint of kindness he had had in weeks.
“So, what’s your name, firecracker?” the man said with a gentle smile. “I’m Navagiaq.”
“My name’s Lee,” Zuko mumbled. “I’m nine.”
Navagiaq drew in a sharp breath, before swearing profusely.
“Tui and La, what are these monsters even thinking, sending a child to a place like this?” he cried.
Zuko flinched, and Navagiaq quickly noticed, as he made his tone far more gentle.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
The man sighed, dragging a hand through his long, carefully braided hair.
“It’s okay, Lee,” the man promised. “I’ll take care of you. I’ve got a few friends who’ll help, too. We’ll keep you as safe as we’re able in this place.”
“Why?” Zuko asked, suspiciously. “I don’t even know you.”
“Because you’re a child,” the man said softly. “You deserve to be loved and cared for, not thrown in a La-forsaken Fire Nation prison camp.”
Tears welled up in Zuko’s eyes. “Why are you so nice?” he wondered.
The man looked at him, concerned. “Are you not used to people being nice?”
Zuko shook his head. “Only Mother. But she’s awful to my sister, so it doesn’t count.”
Navagiaq clenched his fists tightly, before taking several deep breaths. However, his voice was gentle as he continued speaking.
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” Navagiaq said. “ None of this should have ever happened to you.”
That was all it took, and Zuko finally, finally let himself cry. Navagiaq wrapped him in a gentle hug.
“It’s going to be okay, Lee,” he said. “I’m here now, and I’m not going to leave you alone.”
After Zuko cried himself out, Navagiaq stood up. “Come on, firecracker,” he said softly. “Let’s go meet the others.”
Numbly, Zuko nodded and followed behind the kind man. Navagiaq led him back into the courtyard, and into a separate building, which turned out to be the mess hall. The two grabbed small portions of what looked to be inedible slop, before Navagiaq led him over to a table in the far corner.
It was occupied by two young women with long black hair and pale skin, one sporting rusty gold eyes typical of the Fire Nation, and the other with green eyes that marked her as Earth Kingdom. Both of them were covered in dirt, bruises and scars, but their hair was styled carefully, and each had a spark of hope and determination in their eyes that was missing from most of the other residents in the prison. The two were holding hands under the table as they ate.
“I’m going to murder someone,” the one with golden eyes announced as soon as she spotted Zuko.
“Jeez, plot murder more quietly, Rani,” Navagiaq said with a grin.
The Fire Nation woman flipped her hair over her shoulder. “No one can hear us through this racket, and I know you two won’t turn me in.”
“Navagiaq’s right, Rani,” the green eyed lady said, looking around carefully. “You know the walls have ears.”
The first woman rolled her rusty gold eyes, but lowered her voice as she spoke to the group. “Are you honestly going to tell me you don’t want to commit murder right now? I mean, look at him!”
Three sets of eyes looked over at Zuko, and the child squirmed under the scrutiny.
“And just when I thought the Fire Nation could sink no lower, they find a way to surprise me” sighed the Earth Kingdom woman quietly.
“Hey, I’m right here!” Rani said in mock anger. “But no, you’re right. My country sucks.”
Zuko blinked. He hadn’t ever met anybody who hated the Fire Nation as much as these three seemed to, but he couldn’t quite blame them. Hearing about what his country did to their own citizens was bad enough, but the conditions in the prison were simply horrific. With that, Zuko had the sudden realization that whatever he had heard about the war was probably a lie. Which meant the Fire Nation, far from spreading greatness, were actually just cruel invaders.
And to think it only took being almost murdered and sent to a prison camp by his own father to realize that.
Well, better late than never, Zuko supposed. Besides, he figured he’d have lots of time while he was here to learn about the real story of the war. For now, though, he had new friends to meet.
“Hi,” he said quietly. “I’m Lee.”
“Hi, Lee,” the Earth Kingdom woman said softly. “I’m Simran.”
“And I’m Rani,” the other lady said carelessly. “Nice to have another Fire Nation traitor in here. These two have a frankly sad understanding of what counts as spicy.” The woman sighed. “I miss fire flakes.”
Zuko slowly smiled. “I miss sizzle-crisps,” he muttered.
“Yes!” the woman said, snapping her fingers. “This is what I’m talking about. Simran, Navagiaq, your culinary traditions are a disgrace.”
“Rani, you’ve never even tried them,” Navagiaq said dryly. “You’ve been trapped in this prison ever since your poorly planned assassination attempt.”
“At least my story’s exciting!” Rani said. “You’re just in here because the Fire Nation are bigoted cunts.”
At Zuko’s look of confusion, Navagiaq explained. “I’m trans. It means I was assigned the wrong gender at birth. I realized when I was 17 that I’m a man, and my tribe kicked me out for it. I tried to move to the Earth Kingdom, but ended up in the Fire Nation colonies instead. The people there turned me in as soon as they realized.”
“That’s stupid,” Zuko said bluntly. “What’s wrong with being a bit different?”
Navagiaq grinned, and ruffled Zuko’s hair. “I’m glad you think so, firecracker,” he said fondly. “I think you’ll do well in our little group.”
Zuko let out a small smile.
“You guys are really nice,” he said. “You haven’t yelled or tried to hurt me at all. I didn’t know adults could be like that.”
The three other prisoners froze.
“Lee, what was your life like before coming here? Your family, I mean,” Simran asked gently
“Everyone hated each other,” Zuko said bluntly. “I get it, family likes to hurt each other, but it didn’t make it any easier. I tried to keep my sister safe from Father, but it meant I got hurt worse. It’s okay, though, because at least Zula never had to get raped or burned.”
The three adults looked at Zuko in horror.
“Who do I have to murder when I get out of here?” Rani demanded.
Zuko snickered at the idea that this lady could take on his father.
“I’m serious, Lee, give me names,” Rani pleaded.
“It’s fine,” Zuko dismissed. “I’d do it again to keep Zula safe.”
All three of the adults wore pained looks as they stared down at Zuko.
“Lee,” Navagiaq said softly, “Adults aren’t supposed to do stuff like that.”
Zuko looked up at Navagiaq in confusion. “Of course they are, they do it all the time.”
The three adults’ faces were twisted up in anger and sadness.
“For once, I think Rani has the right idea,” Navagiaq finally said.
“Yeah,” Simran agreed. “Those motherfuckers didn’t deserve this sweet child.”
“It’s okay, though,” said Rani, wrapping an arm around Zuko. “We’ll be your new family, Lee. I’ll keep you safe, and murder anyone who gets in my way.”
“Honey, be practical,” Simran sighed. “You’re of no use to anyone if you’re dead.”
Rani groaned. “You’re no fun!” she sighed. “I haven’t killed anyone in ages, and I’m bored!”
“Only you would get bored here,” Navagiaq said fondly.
“So, Lee, quick rundown on our little gang,” interrupted Simran. “Rani is my girlfriend, and an ex-assassin who failed to kill a fancy captain-”
“I was this close!” Rani snapped.
“Navagiaq got locked up for being trans, because the Fire Nation fucking sucks-”
“Damn straight,” Navagiaq muttered.
“And I’m here because of ponzi schemes and tax evasion,” Simran finished.
Zuko blinked. “Isn’t that kind of tame?” he wondered.
Simran grinned. “Not when you end up shirking a bunch of butthurt Fire Nation generals out of all their money. Took them ages to find the dirt they needed to convict me, but alas. Here I am.”
“What about you, firecracker?” Navagiaq asked.
“Umm,” Zuko fidgeted. “I may have thrown fire at the new Firelord.”
The three other prisoners looked at him in shock.
“Damn, Lee wins hands down,” Rani said. “And here I was thinking I’d keep my title as the coolest conviction.”
The lady smirked at Zuko. “You’ve got balls kid.”
“I can’t believe you’re alive,” Simran whispered.
“Nah, the Fire Nation is all about slow, painful deaths for their least favorite people,” Rani said casually. “Like being locked in the worst prison in the colonies and left to die.”
“Well, it certainly explains why they had Lee up on the whipping pole on his first day,” Navagiaq said with a sigh. “But not why they had me heal him.”
“I told you, slow, painful deaths,” Rani said. “These fuckers consider letting Lee die on his first day a mercy.”
“Oma and Shu, I hate your country,” Simran sighed.
“Me too,” Rani declared emphatically.
“I don’t,” Zuko whispered. “The Fire Nation is suffering, too. Not as badly, but… I don’t know. I feel like everyone deserves better than the current system.”
Simran smiled at him softly. “It’s good that you care so much, Lee,” she said. “Try not to lose that.”
“Ten rations he loses it in a year,” Rani says bluntly.
“Rani!” Simmran snapped. “Be nice! It’s bad enough that he’s here as a child, you don’t need to bet on his moral decline.”
“What, you think he’s going to come out of here with the soft and fuzzies for everyone?” Rani scoffed. “News flash, kiddo, people suck.”
“Wow, I never guessed,” Zuko deadpanned. “What a completely shocking revelation.”
Navagiaq snorted. “Good one, Firecracker. And Rani, just because you murdered your first man at 16-”
“It was provoked!” Rani shouted.
“-Doesn’t mean that Lee can’t hold onto hope.” The waterbender smiled down at Zuko. “You’re going to be the best of all of us, Lee, I just know it.”
Zuko tentatively returned the man’s smile. Things were as horrible here as he expected, but at least, for perhaps the first time, Zuko wasn’t alone.
It would have to be enough.
Notes:
So...prison camp is, as expected, not a super great place to be. But I did enjoy giving Zuko a little found family of criminals. As always, tell me what you thought in the comments, have a good day, and I'll see you on Friday!
Chapter 10: Am I a Traitor, or Just a Lonely Soul?
Summary:
Sokka arrives at the Fire Nation.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Everything felt backwards. Sokka had been living on the Fire Nation ship for a month now, and nothing was as he expected. Rather than acting cruel and evil, the soldiers were friendly and kind. They encouraged Sokka to practice his bending, instead of having him hide it. Rather than insulting his poor skills, they complimented him on his strength and adaptability, in learning so much all on his own.
“You’re going to be the pride of the Fire Nation,” one soldier said proudly. “It’s a good thing we found you.”
“You… want me?” Sokka asked, his voice small.
The man smiled down at him. “Of course we do, Sokka. You’re one of us. A true gift from Agni. Trust me, everyone in the Fire Nation will love you.”
It made Sokka’s head spin. Warriors who were friendly and helpful, Fire Nation soldiers that were kind, adults who were happy to see Sokka, rather than disgusted. The whole Fire Nation was backwards, but Sokka couldn’t deny that he kind of liked it. He liked being given extra portions of his favorites by the chef, rather than being forced to skip meals. He liked having the soldiers smile at him and give him friendly nicknames, rather than hurting him.
Did that make him a traitor, just like Hakoda had always said? Sokka didn’t know. He just knew he didn’t miss the South Pole at all. He barely even missed Katara, too caught up in the euphoria of being cared about.
Sokka quietly wandered through the hallways, making his way to the bridge. Each ship member he met along the way greeted Sokka with a smile or a wave. Sokka was too nervous to return them, but it brought him a little flicker of joy all the same.
“Hi, Captain Li,” Sokka said nervously once he reached the bridge.
“Sokka!” the man greeted warmly. “What are you doing up here, lad?”
“Umm… Well, I was wondering… How close are we to the Fire Nation?” questioned Sokka.
“Excited to see your new home?” Captain Li asked.
Sokka nodded, but to be honest, he wasn't sure. So far things seemed too good to be true. How could there be adults who cared about him? How could there be firebenders that were good? Everything was so confusing, and Sokka didn't quite know how to feel about the potential of a new life. Everything seemed wonderful, but still, it went against everything he had ever learned, everything he had ever known.
“Well, you're in luck, laddie,” the captain said warmly. “We should be reaching the Fire Nation capital by tomorrow morning.”
The man smiled happily at Sokka. “Your new life is about to begin.”
The young firebender knew he didn't have a choice, but the captain’s words still fostered a small spark of dread in him.
A new life. A life without Katara. A life in the evil, murderous Fire Nation.
Then again, the traitorous part of Sokka whispered, it's also a life without Hakoda. A life without the men of the tribe. A life where my firebending makes me fit in, rather than making me a pariah.
Sokka wasn’t yet sure if the exchange would be worth it. He wouldn’t know until he saw what the Fire Nation was really like. But all the same, the child knew that there was no turning back.
He was Fire Nation now, and he would never see his home again.
ᐃᒻᓂᖅ
Sokka’s first day in the Fire Nation dawned bright and gloriously warm. It was a good thing that the soldiers had provided Sokka with new clothes, because he would be melting in the thick furs of his Water Tribe clothing. Even if there was a part of him that was sad to leave his traditional clothing behind.
Was this to be Sokka’s life? Forever too Water Tribe to be Fire Nation, and too Fire Nation to be Water Tribe? Would there ever be a place where he would just belong, exactly as he was? The child didn’t know. The further he got from his home, the more confused he became.
A few short hours after the sun rose, the ship Sokka had been living on for the last month finally docked in port. Two young women climbed aboard the ship. Both had their hair held up in the top knots that seemed popular amongst the Fire Nation, and wore simple red and black clothing. The two of them bowed deeply at Sokka
“You must be the new young lord!” the first one said. “It's an honor to meet you, my liege. I’m Arushi, and this is Ume. We're here to serve you.”
“I’m Sokka,” the child muttered quietly.
“It’s wonderful to meet you, Lord Sokka,” Ume said eagerly. “The whole city has been eagerly anticipating your arrival.”
“Me?” Sokka said, blinking. “Why?”
“You’re special,” Arushi said earnestly. “The poles spend months at a time away from Agni, so most firebenders born there die. The ones who survive are always incredibly talented benders, some of the strongest to exist.”
“You’re a miracle, my liege,” said the other girl. “Agni’s Miracle. That’s what we call firebenders from the poles.”
“So there’s more people like me?” Sokka said, hopefully.
“No, not right now,” Ume said sadly. “Agni’s Miracles are born so rarely. You’re the only one currently alive.”
“That's why you’re so important,” Arushi added earnestly. “All of the Fire Nation has been waiting for you to return home.”
Sokka knew that being the only Water Tribe firebender should make him feel special, but it didn’t. It just made him feel alone.
“Now, I know this is going to be a hard transition for you, my liege, but you will be in excellent hands,” Ume said. “The Firelord has personally selected a noble family to take you in and help you adjust.”
“The Firelord?” Sokka said, terrified. “Why… why would he care about me?”
“Firelord Ozai is a great man,” Ume said passionately. “He wants the best for all his citizens, and has led the Fire Nation through a period of prosperity. It's a sign of the righteousness of his rule that one of Agni’s Miracles has been found just months into the start of his reign. You are a true blessing to our nation, and his Imperial Majesty honors that.”
“Besides, of course he’d take particular interest in your case,” Arushi said. “You've been raised under savages. I can't even imagine how horrible that must have been! His Majesty cares deeply for all of his subjects, and it's a sign of his compassion that he has taken such effort to make sure you are properly cared for, now that you're where you belong.”
Sokka would love to believe what the girls were saying, but he couldn't. In his experience, adults didn't just go around showing compassion. Especially leaders. Just look at Hakoda; he was the chief of the Southern Water Tribe and he made his step-son’s life a living nightmare. Still, Sokka doubted any of those thoughts were appropriate to say, so instead he kept quiet.
“Now if you would be willing to join us, my liege, your new family is eager to meet you.”
Sokka barely held back his shudder. He wasn't eager for a “new family” after his original one caused him so much pain. Still, Sokka was fully aware that he was in a delicate position, and shouldn't cause any problems, especially before he learned the rules. So the young firebender choked back his fear and followed the two servants. They led him to a fancy carriage, and with a word to the driver, the group began to move through the city.
Sokka stared out the window of the carriage as he passed through the town. The buildings there were simple but elegant, and many smiling citizens were wandering about. Sokka passed by a thriving market selling colorful fabrics and delicious smelling food, before moving closer to the capital. There were guard towers along the way, but Sokka’s focus was taken up by the large, beautiful buildings that lined the streets. Most of the civilians wore fancy clothing and jewelry, smiling as they walked through shops and markets. The whole area Sokka had seen seemed thriving and prosperous, just like the servant girls had said. Sokka couldn't help thinking of how it stood in sharp contrast to the world he had left behind.
Finally, the carriage stopped before a particularly large and fancy looking mansion. Sokka's eyes widened. This was his new home? It looked like it could house his entire village. It must be, though, because the servant girls opened the door to the building and bowed him inside.
“This way, my liege,” Ume said.
“Thank you,” Sokka murmured as he passed by, entering the grand building.
The mansion was massive, with expensive looking art and intricate architecture. Sokka gaped at the sheer grandeur of his new home. He was so distracted that he almost missed the sight of his new “parents,” waiting for him near the doorway.
When Sokka noticed them standing there, he took a minute to analyze the two. The woman wore expensive clothes and jewelry and a kind smile. Her jet black hair was just starting to grey, and the top layer was put up in an elegant top knot, leaving the rest of her hair to fall gently around her shoulders.
Meanwhile, her husband was tall and intimidating, with grey hair, armor, and a severe expression. Yet when he met Sokka’s eyes, the man’s face settled into a gentle, loving smile that lit up his whole face.
“You must be our new son,” the woman said happily. “I'm Sarnai, and this is my husband Jiahao. We were so excited when Firelord Ozai entrusted us with your care.” She smiled down at Sokka. “What's your name, sweetheart?”
“I'm Sokka,” the child said quietly.
Jiahao smiled fondly down at Sokka. “I'm so glad you're going to join our family. Sarnai and I always wanted a child. You can't imagine how happy we are to finally meet our son. Having you here? It's everything we ever wanted.”
“We understand that it's going to take you time to adjust,” Sarnai said softly. “Me and Jiahao will do everything we can to help you. But Sokka, I need you to know that no matter what, no matter who you are, no matter who you become, Jiahao and I will love you with our whole hearts.”
At their kind words, Sokka felt tears well up in his eyes. He had never had someone want him so deeply, he had no idea how much he needed to hear those words.
“Really?” he said, voice trembling. “No matter what?”
“No matter what,” the two promised.
Sokka was so confused. How could these people want him so much, when he didn't even really belong? How could they love him, when Sokka was so unlovable?
Sokka felt the need to cry, but he didn't want to do it in front of these people.
“Can I be alone for a bit?” he asked quietly.
“Of course, sweetheart,” Sarnai said. “Let me show you your new room. I'll check on you in a few hours, okay? There's still some things you're going to have to do in the next few days to get settled.”
“Okay,” Sokka agreed. “Thank you.”
“Of course, Sokka,” Jiahao said. “You're our son.”
Sokka wasn't sure how he felt about that. He had gotten used to the idea of being no one's son, and now these two people he just met wanted to be Sokka’s parents. It didn't make sense to him. Nothing in the Fire Nation made sense.
Still, as Sokka was left blissfully alone in his new room, he started to wonder if that was really such a bad thing, if the Fire Nation was really as bad as he had been told. It felt traitorous, it felt treasonous, but Sokka couldn't help but wonder; was anything he was told ever true?
He guessed he would have to find out.
Notes:
So, what did you think? Fair warning, I am much less attached to Sokka's new family than Zuko's new family, so after next chapter they're not going to be around too much. But rest assured that they are there in the background, being incredibly great parents to Sokka and giving him all the love he deserves.
Chapter 11: A New Life, Still Haunted by the Past
Summary:
Sokka goes shopping with his new family.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
As promised, Sokka’s new guardians came to check on him a few hours after he had first been left alone in his room.
“Sokka, sweetie, are you okay in there?” came Sarnai’s gentle voice.
“I'm fine,” Sokka said quietly.
Judging from the silence behind the door, Sokka’s blatant lie was not believed.
“Can I come in?” the woman finally asked.
“Okay,” Sokka mumbled.
The door opened, and Sokka saw Sarnai poke her head in.
“How are you doing, my little miracle?” Sarnai asked.
“Fine,” Sokka said instinctively.
The lady sighed. “I'd probably believe you, if I didn't know for a fact that you are absolutely not fine.”
Sokka smiled wryly at the woman. “That obvious?” he murmured.
Sarnai laughed gently. “Just common sense. You're going through a lot right now.”
“Yeah, kind of,” Sokka admitted.
The woman looked sympathetically at Sokka. “I figured. If you ever need to talk, know that you can always come to me or Jiahao.”
Sokka nodded, but internally he knew he would never do so. For all his new guardians seemed kind and protective, they were also whole in a way Sokka had never been. He felt a distance from the two, because he knew that his life was not something his guardians could understand. How could they, when they grew up loved and pampered in the luxury of the Fire Nation, while Sokka grew up broken and alone in a small Water Tribe village?
No, these two would never understand Sokka. Not really.
“So, would you like to tell me about yourself?” Sarnai asked.
“Um, I'm eight years old,” Sokka started. “I like food, art, crafting things and playing with my little sister, Katara. And I really like firebending, but I don't know how good I am.”
“Well, you've never had any real training,” Sarnai pointed out. “But don't worry about that, Jiahao is extremely talented. He’s excited to teach you.”
“Really?” Sokka said hopefully.
“Of course!” Sarnai said. “A lot of nobles hire tutors, and we'll probably have one to catch you up on academics, but my husband has always said that if our kid was a bender, then he would want to teach them himself.”
“You've had this whole plan for a kid for so long,” Sokka mumbled. “What are you going to do when I'm not what you want?”
Sarnai wrapped Sokka in a gentle hug. Sokka immediately tensed, but tried not to show it.
“You're our son, Sokka,” Sarnai said. “Jiahao and I will love you no matter what.”
Sokka blinked tears out of his eyes. He didn't believe Sarnai yet, but it was nice to hear all the same.
“Now, Sokka,” the woman said, “tell me, do you like shopping?”
Sokka shrugged. “I'm not sure,” he admitted. “Sometimes the tribe would go trade with other villages or Kyoshi Island, but I was never invited along.”
“Well,” the woman said, her eyes sparkling, “how would you like to give it a shot?”
ᐃᒻᓂᖅ
Shopping, Sokka had decided, was amazing. His new guardians had taken him to the local market, and told Sokka to pick out whatever he wanted. An hour later, Sokka had tried seven different street foods (his tongue was still burning from the spices, but by La, was it worth it), picked out a crafting table and tools, and grabbed a bunch of art supplies and a handful of interesting looking scrolls. Then, to his delight, he came across his favorite stall yet.
It was a blacksmithing stand that was absolutely filled with different weapons. Sokka eagerly headed for the stall. He had always liked the idea of being a fierce warrior, talented in all sorts of weapons. Even the delightful care of his tribe's warriors hadn't fully tainted that dream. If anything, it strengthened it. Someday, Sokka wanted to be strong enough to defeat the men of his tribe, strong enough to defeat anyone who tried to hurt him or those he cared about.
Jiahao chuckled from behind him. “Going to be my little warrior, are you?” he said fondly.
Sokka turned nervously to his guardians. “Is that okay?” he asked.
“Of course, Sokka,” Jiahao said fondly. “See what weapon interests you, and I'll hire the best tutors to train you. I'd do it myself, but weapons aren't my specialty.”
For the first time since he had been taken, Sokka let out a wide grin. The dream he had held for so long finally seemed like it could become a reality. The boy eagerly rifled through the rows of weapons, searching for the one that truly called for him. After twenty minutes of looking, Sokka finally spotted it. The sword was simple but elegant, a straight blade with intricate gold details. It was beautiful but deadly, and its sharp edges looked lethal.
“This one,” Sokka declared.
Jiahao smiled. “Well, looks like we'll be sending Piandou a message,” he said. “But since that sword’s built for a full grown man, we might want to buy a slightly smaller one, to better fit your size.”
Jiahao turned to the shopkeeper. “Do you have anything like that in stock?” he asked.
“Only blunt training weapons,” the shopkeeper admitted. “I could commission something, but it might be better to buy a practice sword, at least until the young lord learns the basics.”
“Of course,” Jiahao said. “And Piandou prefers to teach his pupils to make their own swords, so perhaps that would suit you better anyway, Sokka.”
Sokka's eyes lit up at the idea of making his own sword. “Yes please!” he said excitedly.
“That's settled, then,” Jiahao said. “We'll take one training sword.”
A few minutes later, Sokka was excitedly bouncing up and down with his new sword strapped to his belt, while his guardians stared fondly down at him.
“There's one more thing we need to do,” Sarnai said. “You're going to need some clothes. We'll go to Tao’s Tailoring, they make the best custom clothes in the Fire Nation.”
Not for the first time since starting this expedition, Sokka wondered exactly how rich his guardians were. Well, he couldn't deny it was kind of nice to be able to get anything he wanted, rather than being denied the bare necessities. Plus, it made shopping even better than it would have been otherwise.
The young firebender followed his new guardians through the city, to a small but fancy looking building in the shopping district. The group walked inside, and were immediately greeted by an excited looking young man.
“Ah, Lady Sarnai, Lord Jiahao, it's an honor to serve you again. And this must be Agni’s Miracle! It's an honor to meet you, my liege.”
Sokka smiled nervously at the energetic man. “Hi, I'm Sokka,” he said.
“A pleasure, Lord Sokka,” the shopkeeper said, bowing. “I'm assuming you three are here to help Agni’s Miracle find a new wardrobe befitting his station?”
“Quite right, Tao,” Jiahao said, nodding.
“Excellent!” the man said, clapping his hands eagerly. “You can pick out designs from the catalogue, and then I'll measure the young lord, and the clothes should be ready in two weeks.”
“Thank you, Tao,” Sarnai said respectfully.
Clothes, Sokka discovered, were almost as fun to shop for as weapons. He eagerly looked through the catalogue and picked out several pieces that called to him, until he had a full wardrobe. Then Tao ushered him into a private room, carrying a measuring tape and writing materials.
“Now, Lord Sokka, if you could please strip to your undergarments, I will take your measurements.”
Sokka froze. Panic and fear filled him, and suddenly, images flickered over his vision, layering over reality. The men, ordering his clothes off. The echo of pain on his back, the sound of the whip. Mocking voices and the feel of a sexual assault.
Panicking, Sokka's breathing sped up, and he crawled away from the man.
“No! No, don't, I don't want to, please!” Sokka begged, raising up his arms to shield himself.
The memory of the warrior's hut took over more of his vision, the scene becoming sharper. It felt real, more real than his current experience in the clothing store. Sokka covered his eyes and ears, blocking out the world and rocking himself back and forth.
“No, no, please, please stop!” Sokka cried. “I don't want to, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, just please stop!”
Time lost meaning as the visions kept coming, trapping Sokka in memories he didn't want to think about. Horrific experiences he had suffered for so long, times he never wanted to go back to.
“Please, please, I'm sorry,” Sokka whimpered.
Vaguely, Sokka thought he heard voices near him, but they didn't matter. Nothing mattered, as he lived through the awful assaults all over again.
No, no, Sokka thought. I don't want to think about it, I don't want to remember, I don't!
Slowly, ever so slowly, the visions receded. Sokka noticed the tears covering his cheeks as he slowly lowered his hands from his head and looked around.
Sarnai and Jiahao were sitting there.
“Hey, Sokka,” Sarnai said gently. “How can I help you right now?”
“I don't know,” Sokka muttered. “I just… I just want to go home and be alone for a bit.”
“Okay, sweetie, we can do that,” Sarnai said gently. “We'll come back another time, but we'll handle it differently. You won't have to do anything you don't want to.”
Sokka looked doubtfully at the woman, but still followed her and Jiahao as they walked back to the mansion that was to be his new home. The child made his way through the many fancy hallways, and collapsed on his giant bed. There, buried under the layers of silken sheets, Sokka let himself cry. He let himself cry for how broken he was, for how much the tribe had ruined him. He mourned for the person he could have been if the tribe hadn't been so cruel.
Alone in his room, Sokka let himself feel it all, and he let himself be broken.
Notes:
I hope you liked the chapter! Feel free to tell me what you thought, and I'll see you Friday.
Chapter 12: Just Like Her Father
Summary:
Azula lives through Zuko's first birthday since he "died."
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
With a sharp smile and not a hair out of place, Azula strolled through the palace hallways. She watched the servants scurry away from her. When before they had made way because of Azula’s higher status, now they wore poorly hidden looks of fear as they moved out of her way. Azula carefully didn’t let herself feel anything about that. It meant that her plan was working, and that was all that mattered.
Even if it made her think of the smiles the staff always sent her brother. But that was before. Those sorts of things, kindness, friendship, honesty, they couldn’t belong to Azula anymore. Now that Zuko was gone, there was no one here she could trust, no one that would choose her over Ozai. Azula understood it; everyone had to look out for themselves. Ozai was the Firelord; he could do whatever he pleased, and anyone who fought back would burn. Azula understood why there would never be anyone willing to help her and keep her secrets.
It didn’t make it any easier.
So Azula ignored those thoughts and feelings, making her way back to Zuko’s garden. It had been rebuilt in the aftermath of Azula’s meltdown. The seven year old knew that today, of all days, Ursa would be there. As she expected, the Fire Lady was sitting by the pond. She was clutching something to her chest, and her body was shaking with sobs.
Of course she was. Today was Zuko’s birthday, his first birthday since he was killed. Azula might hate her mother, but right now, she wanted to see the only other person in the palace who knew what they had truly lost. The only other one who missed her kind and gentle brother. Still, she couldn’t show her real reasoning, so Azula let her smile turn vicious. She walked up to her mother, and snatched the thing she was clutching from her hands. Azula’s heart gave a pang as she recognized it. Zuko’s special knife, the one that Iroh gifted him and he loved so much. She had been looking for it since he died.
Smiling cruelly, Azula began to fiddle with the knife carelessly. She watched Ursa’s face turn red with anger, but the woman didn’t move to take it from her daughter. Even she was scared of Azula now.
“You know, I never understand why you cry so much,” Azula sneered. “He’s not getting any more dead, you know. You might as well stop being so sad about it.”
Ursa glared harshly at her only daughter. “I know you don’t understand,” she hissed, “but I loved my son. I loved him, and he’s dead. The reason you don’t understand my pain is that you don’t love anyone but yourself.”
Azula felt a swell of burning rage at that.
Of course I understand! she wanted to scream. I loved him, too! I loved him, and I watched him burn, so don’t you dare say I don’t understand your pain!
Instead Azula just looked at Ursa disdainfully.
“Oh, Mother,” she drawled, “you really are pathetic. Love is only for fools and weaklings. It’s probably why Zuko ended up dying a miserable death. He was always too soft.”
Ursa glared at her daughter “You’re a monster,” she said coldly. “Cruel, unloving, and unlovable. Just like your father.”
Just like your father. The words followed Azula wherever she went now. It was what kept her alive, but it still haunted her. Some nights, she cried herself to sleep, those four words echoing in her head.
Just like your father.
On the outside Azula smiled sharply. “You’re right for once,” she said. “It’s what makes me superior. You should be grateful, you know, that I’m the child that survived. Zuko would have made a horrible crown prince, and a worse Firelord.”
Ursa’s face grew apoplectic in rage. “You think it’s good that your brother died?” she said, her voice a deadly whisper. “He was the one thing worth loving in this place, and you think we’re better off?”
“Well, clearly it’s not better for you, Mother,” Azula said, rolling her eyes, “but it’s not like your opinion is worth anything. The Fire Nation will prosper under my rule, and, honestly, isn’t that what really matters?”
Azula moved closer to Ursa, like a predator stalking her prey. “Zuko certainly didn’t matter. If he did, he wouldn’t be a pile of ashes right now. That’s how the world works, Mother. The strong survive and the weak are killed. I wonder how long it will take before people are crying over you.”
She smiled nastily. “Although, I doubt there’s anyone left who would cry.”
Rage and grief fought for control over Ursa’s face. As always, Azula knew exactly which weaknesses to target to get the reaction she wanted. It was a skill she had picked up since Zuko’s death. When she had calmed down enough to think through what she saw, Azula realized a few very important things.
Ozai thought he was the strongest, smartest, most powerful man alive, but Zuko had fooled him. The child had been constantly playing with Ozai, preying on his weaknesses without the man ever noticing. Azula realized that if she was to survive, she would need to do so, too. She needed to figure out how to manipulate and use people, so that she would not be killed like her brother.
The other thing she learned was that Zuko was not as soft as he made others believe. Soft people aren’t able to plot and scheme and manipulate in the way Zuko did. The abuse he lived through gave him harsh edges and broken pieces, just like Azula. He just hid them better. That was what gave Azula her third revelation. She learned that you could be made of harsh edges and broken pieces, and still be kind. Zuko may not have been soft, but he was good and loving in a way no one else in the palace really was. Azula wished so deeply she could be kind and good, like he was. But she couldn’t. Not if she wanted to survive.
Still, Azula’s plan was working. She was becoming well known for her heartlessness and cruelty, and it had kept her safe from Ozai. She knew, deep down, that it wouldn’t last forever, but for now, she hadn’t been hurt like Zuko had.
Ursa, however, didn’t realize any of this. She never bothered to really look at what her husband was doing to her children, too focused on her own happiness. Even her love for Zuko was an extension of that. She had loved Zuko because when they were together, she could pretend she had a good, happy child and a pleasant, happy life. Ursa never let herself see beyond that. She didn’t want to see. Azula doubted she would even care too much about the situation if it had been Azula who was suffering, rather than Zuko. Her mother didn’t think Azula was worth loving or protecting. Only one person ever had, and now he was gone.
But Ursa, still so obsessed with the image she had built in her head of the perfect son, rose to her feet in a fury and stormed over to her daughter. She raised her hand to slap Azula, but this time the firebender was expecting it. Before Ursa’s hand could connect, Azula stopped it, grabbing the Fire Consort’s wrist tightly.
“Oh, Mother,” Azula said, clucking her tongue. “You’ll regret that.”
With those words, Azula lit her hand ablaze. The smell of burning flesh hit her nose, and she felt like gagging. Zuko, she thought, remembering the smell of her brother’s burned body. She hid her turmoil well, though, and continued her attack. The Lady Consort screamed in pain, attempting to rip her wrist away from her daughter. Azula wanted to let her, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t let Ursa go, because Ozai wouldn’t have. Ozai would have taught Ursa a lesson.
Azula burned her mother’s wrist until she was certain it would cause permanent damage. Then she finally, thankfully, was able to let go.
“You will never lay your hands on me again,” Azula said pleasantly.
Ursa collapsed on the ground in pain, before crawling over to the pond and putting her wrist in. The woman hissed as the cold water began to cool the burn. Azula kept a slightly eerie smile on her face as she surveyed the scene, before walking away, leaving the woman behind.
Just like her father.
Notes:
Hope you liked the chapter! Happy pride to all my fellow queer people, and I'll see you in a few days.
Chapter 13: Grief and Rage Go Hand in Hand, and Everyone Burns in This Awful Land
Summary:
Four years later, Azula is doing what she can to survive in the palace. It's not always working.
Chapter Text
Azula spun her hands in a circle, attempting to gather sparks of electricity. She shoved down the disgust that boiled up in her as she remembered the lightning that struck her brother that fateful day three years ago. Her lunch threatened to come back up, but she choked it down. Still, her fear and turmoil had its price, because when she finished her kata, rather than lighting, an explosion burst out of her fingertips. It sent her tumbling back across the training grounds, her burns scraping painfully on the hard tile.
Azula did not scream. She would not let herself scream. Instead, she just sucked in a sharp breath before rising to her feet.
From the sidelines, Ozai sneered at Azula. “That's it? That's all you can do? Pathetic.”
Azula turned to face the wretched man, bowing deeply at him.
“I'm sorry, father,” she said. “I have failed you. I deserve any punishment you deem fitting.”
Satisfaction boiled in Ozai’s eyes at Azula's deference, even in the face of the horrific punishments.
“You will master this, Azula,” he hissed. “You are my daughter, my heir, and I will not allow you to bring shame on my name.”
“Of course,” Azula said, still bowing. She let her expression take on determination. “I will not let you down.”
“You already have,” Ozai sneered. “You've been working at this for weeks, and you still can't produce a flicker of lightning.”
It was true. Azula had never before struggled with a firebending kata. Normally, the combination of her raw talent and intense dedication allowed Azula to master new forms impressively quickly. Lightning, however, was different. It required inner calm and peace of mind. Two things that Azula had lost long ago.
How was she supposed to be calm, when every mistake left her burned, used and broken? How was she supposed to be at peace, when the only way to avoid those punishments was to be horrifically cruel?
Azula longed for genuine trust and connection, she longed to be good, but she couldn't. Not here, not now.
Someday, Azula reminded herself. Someday I will be Firelord, and I can fix all this. I will no longer have to be a monster.
Still, Azula understood the consequences of failure, of fighting back. She didn't want to die attempting to defeat someone she didn't have the skills to best. Scheming and manipulation were her only path forward. She needed to become a monster, because the worse she became, the better Ozai treated her.
None of that, however, would save her from the punishments if she continued to fail to produce lightning. She needed to figure something out, and soon, because she had been dealing with almost daily punishments. Usually Ozai only dragged Azula for one every few months, but he had been relentless in the face of Azula’s latest disappointment. The girl wasn't sure how much more she could handle.
Ignoring her pain, Azula continued to run the kata again and again, failing every time. Finally, Ozai lost patience and ordered her back to her room. She was silent and still as he pressed his bare body and burning hands onto the 11 year old child.
The princess did not allow herself to cry. She did not allow herself to scream or fight back. Instead, she forced her mind to vacate her body, viewing the scene as if from above. She felt detached, and the intense emotions dulled as she faced her fate.
Finally, after a horrific thirty minutes, Azula was left alone. She still did not allow herself to break down. Instead, she numbly took a bath, cleaning her body before allowing Ozai's personal healer to attend to her wounds. Azula dressed back in her finery and did up her hair and makeup, before leaving her room to meet her companions. Not a hair out of place.
⽕
Mai and Ty Lee were the most tolerable companions Azula had found. She would even consider them enjoyable to be around. Mai had a dark, sarcastic sense of humor that always made Azula laugh, and a sharp wit that was mesmerizing and deeply appealing. Meanwhile Ty Lee was charming and kind, a burst of sunshine and hope in the dreary palace. Whenever she sent her bright smile at Azula, it always made something in her chest flutter. The two girls were perhaps the only thing that could make Azula genuinely happy.
Azula deeply wished that they could be friends, but she wasn't a fool. The two may be loyal to her, but it was only out of fear. Fear of Ozai, and fear of Azula herself. They weren't friends, because Azula couldn't trust them, and if she couldn't trust them, she couldn't be herself. Nor could she be kind.
Azula was fairly sure the two hated her. They must, after how cruelly she had treated them. Still, the two hid it well, clearly aware that Azula enjoyed their company, and that meant that they didn't have a say.
Although, to be honest, they did have a say. Azula didn't think she had it in her to hurt Mai and Ty Lee, even if they screamed at her, walked away and never came back. Just like with Zuko, Azula had found someone she would risk almost everything to protect. Unfortunately, that didn't mean she could trust them. Azula was fairly sure they were meant to report back to Ozai, so as much as she cared, the princess knew that she had to treat the two poorly. Even if she hated doing it to them more than anyone else.
“Azula!” came Ty Lee’s happy voice. “It's so good to see you!”
The girl wrapped Azula in a hug. Azula clung tightly back to Ty Lee, the warm thing in her chest fluttering.
You're amazing, and I'm sorry, she thought.
Finally, Ty Lee pulled away. For some reason, Azula was deeply disappointed, but she didn't let it show.
“It's good to see you, too,” Azula admitted. “And you, Mai.”
The three sat down together on the couch in the sitting room.
“So, how have things been in the palace?” Mai asked. Her tone seemed disinterested, but Azula could spot the glint of curiosity in her eyes.
Azula felt the soreness in her body, the many burns she had gained in the last few weeks. She remembered her father leaning over her, whispering cruel words as he burned and sexually assaulted her.
“I’ve been learning lightning bending,” Azula told them, instead.
“Already?” Ty Lee said, surprised. “That's amazing, Azula! You must be the youngest person to ever learn it!”
“Well, I haven't learned it yet,” Azula said, irritation slipping into her tone.
“Still, it's impressive,” Ty Lee said. “Sokka didn't even start learning it until a few months ago!”
Right. Sokka. Azula's two companions were close friends with Agni's Miracle, and it grated Azula in a way she couldn't explain. She felt an incredibly irritating sense of jealousy every time Ty Lee gushed about the boy, or Mai let out one of her rare smiles while telling a story about him. In fact, a lot of their stories involved this “Sokka,” and it made Azula incredibly, irritatingly jealous. She wasn't sure why. The two wouldn't be the first to fawn over the Fire Nation’s honored gift from Agni, and it hardly affected Azula if they seemed to have a stupid crush on him. She wasn't sure why she cared at all.
(Even if she wondered if Mai would give that rare smile while describing Azula, or if Ty Lee gushed in the stories about the three’s adventures.)
Still, Azula had decided that the boy was clearly not worth her time. She didn't need to see her only close companions fawning over a boy, while she had to sit right there and deal with it. It would be incredibly irritating. Besides, Azula never understood the appeal with boys, anyways.
Nevertheless, it was true that the rumors about firebenders from the poles turned out to be accurate. Azula had heard about many impressive feats that Sokka accomplished. He was even the only other person in the country capable of producing natural blue flame.
That being said, Azula had managed it at a younger age. And if she mastered lightning bending, she would have succeeded in doing so a full year younger than the fabled Sokka .
(Maybe Ty Lee would look at her with stars in her eyes again if she did. Maybe Mai would send her more smiles.)
Not that any of that mattered. What mattered was Azula learning lightning bending, and since Sokka was one of the only people to have mastered it, not to mention probably the easiest to manipulate, it seemed like it might finally be time to meet Mai and Ty Lee's friend.
“Bring Sokka here next time you come,” Azula ordered.
Mai and Ty Lee looked nervously at each other. Azula could see the worry there, the concern about how Azula would treat their real friend.
“Are you sure that's a good idea, Azula?” Ty Lee asked. “I wouldn't want your father to think you needed to ask him in as a tutor.”
“And Sokka barely avoids the Firelord’s attention as it is,” Mai added.
“Would you rather I go to Father and make it a royal command?” Azula snapped.
Mai Ty Lee once again shared a worried look, and Azula sneered. “You're pathetic, trying to protect everyone around you. Don't tell me you're going soft.”
When in doubt, Azula had learned to lean on cruelty.
Just like her father.
Irritation flickered in Mai’s gaze, and Ty Lee put a hand on the girl's shoulder. The two stared at each other, and Mai seemed to calm.
“Azula, Sokka is our friend,” Ty Lee said. “And your father…”
“Is terrifying,” Mai finished. “Every time he looks at me I think he's planning to murder me and cover it up.”
At Mai’s words, Azula barely stopped herself from jolting. Did she know something? It was obvious to Azula that Ozai had killed Firelord Azulon and framed Iroh. After all, according to official records, Zuko had been killed and Ozai injured in that same fight, which Azula knew for a fact was untrue. Still, the scheme was well planned, and the princess doubted the official report of events was considered suspicious by many people.
Perhaps it was just a joke, then. Still, if anyone could figure out the truth, it would be Mai.
Azula sighed. “I need to meet Sokka,” she admitted.
The girl met Mai and Ty Lee's eyes fiercely. “You will make that happen.”
A spark of understanding was lit in Mai’s eyes. She always was annoyingly perceptive.
(It always made Azula feel that weird flutter in her stomach.)
“We can ask,” Mai relented. “But if he says no, I won't force him.”
A relieved smile spread across Azula's face.
“Thanks girls,” she said. Then she let out a sharp grin. “Now, who wants to go play pranks on the palace guards?”
Azula's “pranks” were always cruel, but it was a great opportunity to invoke fear. Just like she had to.
Just like her father.
Her companions reluctantly agreed, and Azula couldn't help but wonder if they would like the game more if it didn't involve hurting people. It made her once again long for the possibility of being kind, of making Mai and Ty Lee happy rather than scared.
Still, if there was one thing Azula had learned, it was that her desires didn't matter. Nothing she wanted would come true, so the best she could do was find a way to survive the horrific reality of the world.
By any means necessary
⽕
Azula slipped through the hallways, avoiding sight as much as possible. She made her way through the hallways, and to the little known secret room by the empty guest quarters. Azula was fairly sure she was the only person alive who knew of it, and one of the only ones who could open it, as well. It required a blast of fire to open, but it had to be intensely hot. Only a wielder of natural blue flame could open the door.
Double checking that she was out of sight, Azula sent a blast of blue fire into the small crack in the tiles near the wall. As soon as she did, a secret trapdoor fell open. Azula climbed down the ladder, closing the door behind her.
Holding a flame in her palm for light, Azula entered her secret room. There, in the place of honor, Azula had made an altar for Zuko. On the dais of offerings, Azula had placed some of Zuko’s favorite things. His dual dao swords, his theater scrolls, his knife, even the terrible art she had made him as a kid that Zuko had cherished.
Moving closer, Azula kneeled before the altar. She lit incense, and then began to speak.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, Zuzu,” she said softly. “But I’m doing my best to survive. For you.”
Azula paused. Then, alone with the memories of the only person she had ever trusted, she let herself be honest.
“I’m scared, Zuko,” she admitted. “I don’t know how you survived this for so long. It’s… it’s horrifying, and awful. When he does… that. To me.”
She let out a harsh chuckle. “I have burns now, too. We’d match.”
Azula sat in silence with her memories.
“I won’t let you be forgotten,” she murmured. “When I’m Firelord, I’ll let everyone know the truth. They’ll know how brave and strong you were for so long. They’ll know how you saved me.”
As always, alone with her brother, the tears came.
“I miss you, Dum-dum,” she said sadly. “I keep hoping you’ll show up somewhere, and then I won’t be alone here anymore. But you’re gone. You’re really gone, and you’re never coming back.”
Azula let herself cry. Cry for her brother, who she still missed. Cry for the childhood she lost. Cry for the person she wanted to be but couldn't.
Zuko was gone. Gone from the palace and gone from the mortal plane. But Azula was still there, and she was there alone. Always, always alone.
Chapter 14: It's Worth the Risk, to Not Be Alone
Summary:
Sokka and Azula meet for the first time.
Notes:
I know at least some of you were looking forward for Sokka and Azula's meeting. I hope you like it!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Nobody expected Agni’s Miracle to be mentally fucked. Sokka was well aware that he was a symbol to the Fire Nation; a sign of their prosperity and greatness. When people met him, they expected Sokka to be all great and powerful, and in some ways he was. He was a master swordsman and an incredibly talented firebender. What he was not, however, was mentally stable.
The flashbacks that had started when Sokka first got to the Fire Nation had not stopped. Sokka had gotten better at hiding them, but he was still regularly bombarded with horrific memories. Some of them he hadn’t even remembered; his young brain doing its best to block them out.
Nobody seemed sure how to help Sokka, and nobody seemed to really understand him. Still, he had found a few people who accepted who he was, baggage and all. His parents were wonderful, and Mai and Ty Lee might not understand him, but they would still help talk him down from flashbacks and offer to listen if he wanted to share.
Sokka always said no. He didn’t want to tell his story to someone who couldn’t possibly relate. Mai and Ty Lee were understanding of that, but he knew they wished they could help.
In the end, it didn’t matter. Sokka had a new life, a better life, and he was not going to waste it. Even if he always felt alone. Alone in his trauma, alone in understanding how cruel people could be. He was lucky that the Fire Nation was different from the South Pole in that respect. Everyone here was kind to Sokka, and treated him wonderfully. The twelve year old knew that he was beyond lucky to have been rescued from the Water Tribe savages.
It did not, however, make him feel less alone. Not when he had lived through a type of violence that the people here didn’t understand. Sure, there were people struggling with memories of the war, but they didn’t have the same brokenness that Sokka did, the way his mind was twisted and damaged from continuous, inescapable trauma. The soldiers who came home were damaged, true, but it was because they were heroes. Heroes who risked their lives and minds to bring greatness to the world.
Sokka was more broken than even them, broken in a way they didn’t understand, and it wasn’t because he was a hero. Sokka was broken because the savages had decided to break him, had decided he didn’t deserve to be happy and whole. He wasn’t special, he wasn’t a great hero. He was just a child unlucky enough to be born to monsters.
That wasn’t something people here could understand, though. Not when the Fire Nation was such a prosperous and wonderful place. Sokka stood out, alone in his brokenness. A freak, like always.
Agni’s Miracle was a freak, and nobody knew what to do with it. It was probably why Sokka had rarely captured the Firelord’s attention. He was a talented bender, true, but with everything else wrong with him, Sokka was more suited for a political symbol than a true warrior. It grated on him, that he still wasn’t good enough. That he was still a boy set apart, even in a new home where he was supposed to belong.
So when Mai and Ty Lee came to him with a request from Princess Azula, Sokka was both eager and afraid.
“You don’t have to, Sokka,” Ty Lee insisted. “Azula is…”
“Scary. And cruel. She’ll dig into any weakness you have and use it to break and manipulate you.”
“Mai!” Ty Lee cried.
Mai looked blandly at her friend. “You know it’s true.”
Ty Lee sighed. “Yeah. But she’s under a lot of pressure. The Firelord is kind of… intense.”
Sokka had to agree with that assessment. He had only met the Firelord a few times, but it was enough for him to recognize that this was not someone to cross. His very aura demanded respect, but Sokka was happy enough to give it to him. After all, this was the man that saved him from the savages and brought him to his parents. Sokka would always be in the man’s debt, even if he was rather intimidating.
“Do you two even like Azula?” Sokka asked. “I can never tell.”
His friends hesitated before speaking.
“Most days I don’t know,” Ty Lee admitted. “She’s incredible, but terrifying. She’ll make you feel like you’re the most special person in the world, and then tear you apart with a few words.”
“She’s different,” Mai added, “And it’s not always a good thing. She’s intelligent and powerful in a way that makes you want to…” Mai trailed off, a bit of pink in her cheeks. Then she sighed.
“But she’s cruel, and there’s something wrong with her head. I don’t think having the Firelord as a father has done her any favors.”
“Mai!” Ty Lee hissed. “Be quiet.”
“No one’s here, Ty,” Mai drawled.
“Still,” Sokka said, looking around. “Insulting the Firelord is treason.” The boy sighed. “Besides, he’s done so much good for the world.”
The other two nodded vigorously. “You’re right, of course,” Ty Lee said. “It’s just that sometimes…”
“Sometimes I wonder what he did to make Azula end up like that,” Mai admitted.
The thought struck a pang deep inside Sokka. He knew a thing or two about adults messing with your head. He never figured it would happen here, especially in the royal palace, but…
“I’d like to meet her,” Sokka decided.
“Are you sure?” Ty Lee asked.
“What, you don’t think I could take her if it came down to it?” Sokka asked, smirking.
“Now that’s something I would pay to see,” Mai said, smirking slightly. “We could bet on whether either of you would make it out alive.”
“Okay, now I really want to meet her,” Sokka admitted.
“Fine,” Ty Lee relented. “But be careful.”
The fear in her tone sent a spark of trepidation through Sokka, but also a flicker of interest. What could the princess possibly be like, to inspire both fear and awe in some of the strongest people Sokka knew? He wasn’t sure, but he had a feeling he was about to find out.
ᐃᒻᓂᖅ
The royal palace was the crown jewel of the Fire Nation. Every one of the many floors and rooms were filled with exquisite paintings, rare artifacts, expensive furniture and lush fabrics. It blew Sokka away every time he had the rare opportunity to visit it. Mostly during political events and feasts, as his position as Agni's Miracle made him a valuable political asset, even if his psychological state meant he was worth very little besides. This, however, would be the first time that Sokka was specifically requested by a member of the royal family. He had to admit he was eager; he knew how deeply he owed the Fire Nation and its rulers, and greatly desired a way to repay them. Beyond that, the boy was curious to meet the girl that had enraptured and frightened his friends in equal measure. His instincts told him something wasn't right here, that something had happened to the princess to make her the sort of person his friends described. He'd have to find out for himself, though.
His friends led him through the palace to the sitting room Princess Azula had claimed as her own.
“Are you sure about this?” Ty Lee asked quietly.
“A bit late to ask me that,” Sokka noted dryly.
“Say the word and we'll leave,” said Mai seriously.
“And upset the princess?” Sokka said incredulously.
“You're worth it, you dork,” said Ty Lee, giving him a friendly nudge.
Sokka flinched slightly. He had gotten more comfortable with touch from people he cared about, but it still bothered him when he wasn't expecting it.
Ty Lee wore a guilty look. “Sorry, Sokka.”
“Just… remember to ask,” Sokka reminded her.
“Yeah, of course,” Ty Lee said earnestly.
Mai interrupted them, bringing their attention back to the situation at hand. “Well, if we aren't turning back, we may as well go in. Azula likes people to be punctual.”
“Right,” Sokka said. “Let's go meet the princess.”
His friends nodded, and Ty Lee knocked on the door. A second later, it was jerked open.
“Finally!” Princess Azula snapped. “I've been waiting for you. You know better than to make me wait.”
Ty Lee grinned from beside Sokka. “We're on time, silly. I guess you missed us, huh?”
The princess scoffed. “Don't flatter yourself. You merely provide a sufficient level of entertainment.”
“That's Azula speak for ‘yes,’” Ty Lee said to Sokka with a smile.
The firebender returned it, before bowing deeply to the princess.
“It's an honor to meet you, Princess Azula.”
“It is, isn't it?” the princess said, observing Sokka coolly.
Sokka got up from his bow, and took an analyzing look at the crown princess. Princess Azula wore a cold, calculating expression that gave the impression that, much like her father, she was not a person to cross. Her very aura demanded respect and obedience. It was much like Sokka was prepared for, until he met her rusty gold eyes.
Princess Azula's eyes were sad. Despite her sharp and confident expression, her eyes showed a sort of hopeless misery and intense pain that Sokka recognized. It was the same expression that, back in the South Pole, he saw every time he looked in the mirror. Just like that, everything Sokka had heard about Princess Azula made perfect sense.
“Your Highness,” Sokka said impulsively, “may I talk to you alone?”
The princess looked him over, clearly analyzing him, before she dismissed Mai and Ty Lee. They left reluctantly with concerned looks at Sokka, and then he and Azula stood alone.
“So,” Princess Azula said coldly, “you're Agni’s Miracle. Somehow I expected… more.”
Sokka laughed darkly. “Everyone does.”
Azula smiled, and it was as sharp as a lantern fish-shark.
“You want a chance to prove yourself, don't you?” she said softly. “I want something, too. I think we could make a deal.”
“What kind of deal?” Sokka asked, suspiciously.
“You teach me lightning bending, and I will ensure you have a chance to prove yourself to the Firelord.”
It was the sort of deal Sokka had hoped for coming in. A minute ago, he would have jumped at the opportunity. But now, his only answer could be-
“No.”
“What?” Princess Azula snapped.
“I said no,” Sokka said, gathering his courage. “I no longer want the approval of the Firelord.”
Princess Azula looked at him suspiciously. “But you did,” she stated. “That was why you came in here today.”
“It was,” Sokka admitted. “At least partly. I did also want to meet Mai and Ty Lee’s other friend.”
“Then what changed?”
Sokka met Princess Azula's eyes. “I was raised by savages, you know. They treated me horrifically. Beatings and rape almost every day. All those years I carried this look in my eyes, this utter misery and hopelessness. And you? Your eyes look just like mine did.”
Princess Azula laughed. “You fool. Who could possibly hurt me?”
Sokka looked grimly at the princess. “Your father.”
“That is treason,” Princess Azula whispered harshly. “The Firelord's rule is law. Anything he says, anything he does, is how it's meant to be.”
“It's not,” said Sokka quietly. “Otherwise he wouldn't be hurting you.”
“Why should I care for your sympathy?” Princess Azula said softly, her words like sweet poison. “You're worth nothing to me, just a simple savage who got lucky.”
Sokka felt a spike of anger. “I am not one of them.”
The princess smiled, sensing weakness. “Oh, but you are, aren't you? Even after all these years, you haven't forgotten. You know you don't belong, not really.”
“If I don't belong, then neither do you,” Sokka snapped. “Because you're just as damaged as I am.”
“I am not,” said Azula. “I am the crown princess of the fire nation, I am superior to you, perfect, and I always have been,”
“You don't need to be perfect, you know,” Sokka said quietly. “Not with Mai and Ty Lee, and not with me.”
“Of course I do,” the princess scoffed. “No one can be trusted, and I have to be perfect, I have to be, or-”
The princess cut herself off, but it was too late.
“Or he hurts you,” Sokka finished.
He nodded his head, making his decision.
“I'd like a different deal,” he offered. “I teach you lightning bending, and you don't tell the Firelord about our discussions.”
“That's what you're asking for?” Princess Azula said incredulously.
“Well, I'd rather not get executed for calling him an Agni-cursed abusive son-of-a-bitch,” Sokka said, shrugging.
The older firebender noticed that the princess was hiding a slight smile at Sokka's words.
“I want to help you, Your Highness,” he said honestly. “And I don't need anything in return.”
“Other than not getting executed,” the princess drawled.
“Well, I'd prefer not to if I could avoid it,” Sokka said, smirking. “But I still think it's worth the risk.”
“Why?” Princess Azula asked suspiciously. “You just met me. Why would you risk so much for a stranger?”
“Because I wish someone had done it for me,” Sokka said honestly. “And because I'm tired of being lonely. Nobody here understands my pain. But you do, don't you?”
The princess said nothing. Sokka supposed she wasn't willing to admit it, but her silence was as good as a confession.
“If you're willing, I'd like a chance to be friends,” Sokka offered.
The princess scoffed. “I don't have friends.”
“Maybe not, but you have people who'd like to be, if you'd let them,” Sokka told her.
Princess Azula looked doubtfully at him, and Sokka sighed.
“Just… give me a chance to prove myself to you,” he asked. “I know it'll take time to trust me, but I'd like to give it a shot.”
The princess looked him over for a minute.
“Do what you wish,” she finally said, before pausing. “And… come back here, to see me.”
After a second, her face sharpened. “For the lessons, of course,” she said stiffly.
“Of course,” Sokka said with a smirk. “Now, what do you say we let Mai and Ty Lee in, and sneak some food from the kitchens? I, for one, could really use some mochi.”
Azula grinned at him. “I like your style,” she said.
⽕
Azula wasn’t sure how to feel about Sokka yet. He was clearly intelligent, to have immediately pinpointed Azula’s problems with just a glance. Agni's Miracle was someone she would want on her side, rather than against her, but Azula still wasn’t sure he could be trusted. Although some part of her was rather touched by the way he clearly cared about Azula and the situation she was in. Also, the princess did feel like he would at least have some entertainment value, so she let him stay as she opened the door to let Mai and Ty Lee back in.
“Great, you haven’t killed each other,” Mai deadpanned as she walked in the room.
“Are you friends now?” asked Ty Lee happily. “I think it would be great if we were all friends.”
“I think if Sokka and Azula were friends, they could take over the Fire Nation by themselves,” Mai drawled.
“Don’t be stupid,” Sokka said, rolling his eyes. “We’ll obviously need your help.”
“For what?” Azula asked. “Emotional support?”
“Yeah, that and their awesome fighting abilities!” Sokka said.
“Father says bending is the superior fighting method,” Azula said primly.
“I want to know what you think, Azula,” Sokka said. “Not your father.”
Azula paused. She had always repeated what Ozai spoke to her. She had to; it wasn’t safe to be her own person, to show her real opinions and identity. Sokka was the first person in a long time to be bold enough to ask what she really thought.
The young princess was quiet for a minute before speaking. “I think Mai and Ty Lee could defeat almost any bender by themselves. They’re some of the best fighters I’ve ever met.”
Ty Lee and Mai both blushed prettily at the compliment. Azula watched as Mai tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, wearing one of her rare smiles, and as Ty Lee bounced over to give her a hug.
“Thanks, Azula!” Ty Lee said brightly. “I try really hard to get good at chi blocking. I didn’t think you noticed.”
“I notice almost everything about you two,” Azula muttered, feeling her cheeks warm.
With that, Ty Lee beamed wider, and Mai blushed a bit deeper.
They’re so pretty, Azula thought. I wish they would always look at me like that.
Sokka looked smugly at her from behind Mai and Ty Lee, his eyebrows raised. Azula could clearly read the message in his expression.
See? Sokka seemed to say. They want to be your friends, just let them in.
Azula didn’t know if she could do that, but it seemed like Sokka had some sort of point. Azula was horribly, desperately lonely. Some days, it led her to do foolish things. On her bad days, she would climb to the top of the palace, and look down at the drop, and just…wonder. She would wonder what it would feel like. Would it be peaceful? Would it be better than the horrors of the world? Would it be worth it? After all, nobody would truly miss Azula if she was gone.
Some days, Azula would go up there after Ozai’s attacks. But some days, it was the awful, crushing loneliness that had her climbing up the walls of the palace. It was the sense that she was so completely alone in the world. In some ways, it felt like Sokka really might be a miracle from Agni. Not because of his birth and his bending, though. Instead, because with a few words, he made Azula wonder if there were people out there that could understand, that could care.
Azula scoffed internally. That was a foolish thought. Azula wasn’t important enough for the sun spirit to care about her fate. If anyone was worth that level of concern, it was her brother. And Zuko had burned, burned and suffered and died. There was no chance Agni would take interest in Azula, who was, by all accounts, a far worse person.
After all, she had to be.
Still, the crushing loneliness was becoming too much for Azula. She found herself standing on the top of the palace more and more often. She was drowning in her pain and loss and the awful, all consuming loneliness. Maybe, just maybe, Sokka had a point. Maybe she needed to let people in. After all, didn’t Azula wish so desperately that she had been closer to Zuko before he died? Maybe it would be worth the risk, if Azula could count Mai and Ty Lee, the most wonderful people she ever met, as real, genuine friends. Maybe it would be worth it, if she could have Sokka there, understanding her like no one ever had.
Maybe it was worth the risk, to no longer be alone.
Maybe it was worth it to try.
Notes:
Tell me what you thought, if you'd like. I hope you guys enjoyed it!
Chapter 15: Could I Love, Could I Change, If I Tried?
Summary:
Azula bonds with Sokka.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Azula was lounging in her usual sitting room, with Sokka sitting on the couch across from her. She had found herself spending much time with the boy in the past few weeks, even beyond the lightning bending lessons. Right now, though, he was working with her on her block. As she did so, Azula thought back to the day they had started. The first lesson that Sokka had given her was not at all like what she expected.
“A lot of people think lightning bending requires inner peace,” Sokka began. “But inner peace doesn’t always equal calm. It can also be about acceptance. Understanding and accepting the reality of the world and of yourself.”
“How can I do that, when reality is so….” Azula trailed off.
“Awful?” Sokka offered. “Yeah, I get that. But it’s not about giving up on trying to change things. It’s more about… accepting the reality of your situation, without lying to yourself. So,” the boy said, “we’re going to figure out the ways you’re denying your reality and yourself, and accept them.”
So far, they hadn’t even worked on the bending aspect. According to Sokka, “you’ve got to admit your issues before you can move past them,” which was a bit hard, what with Azula’s massive trust issues. Fortunately, Sokka was still helpful, talking her through what little she did admit, and sharing his own experiences so Azula knew she wasn’t alone.
It was nice.
“So,” Sokka said, “I think I finally understand what your problem is.”
“Really?” Azula drawled. “Kind of hard considering I have barely told you anything.”
“Yes, but it’s what you choose not to share that stands out,” Sokka said. The boy took a deep breath. “No matter what, as soon as the topic even hints at your brother, you shut down.”
“My brother,” Azula hissed, “is none of your business.”
“You’re right,” Sokka agreed easily, “but you’re never going to accept reality unless you face your feelings around Zuko.”
Azula looked doubtfully at him, before shaking her head. “I won’t… I can’t tell you. I just can’t.”
Sokka looked into her eyes deeply, before nodding. “Okay,” he said simply. “I’ve got another idea. I think it’s time we try bending.”
“Isn’t the whole point of this that I’m not ready to try lightning bending?” Azula said dryly.
Sokka’s eyes glittered. “Yes, but we’re not going to be doing lightning bending. At least, not yet.”
“Then what’s even the point?”
“You seem to have a lot of bottled up emotions,” Sokka said. “And you’re clearly not willing to talk them out. So I figure you should try something a little easier, and let your feelings out through your bending.”
Azula blinked. That was always her way of managing things. Her emotions usually got bottled up until they exploded out of her in fiery destruction. Doing that on purpose… might actually be worth a shot.
“Okay,” she agreed.
With that, Azula led Sokka to the most secluded training area. It was rarely used, which made it perfect for their purposes. Azula stood in the center of the courtyard, while Sokka waited off to the side.
“Now, you don’t need to picture what actually happened,” Sokka said. “And if it gets too much for you, you should stop. But I want you to think about how Zuko’s death makes you feel, and use those feelings to feed your bending.”
That was perhaps both the easiest and hardest thing anyone had ever asked Azula to do. The feelings were always boiling under the surface, ready to burst out of Azula, but she had spent years suppressing it, trying not to feel. Because if she felt it, it would all be too much, and she would break apart.
Hesitantly, Azula felt for the giant, gaping, aching pain inside her. The one that had been there ever since that awful day, and had only kept growing. Azula let herself tap into just a tiny bit of her tangled up emotions.
Burning rage and fury. Guilt, shame, and awful crushing grief. Azula instinctively tried to shove it back down, but Sokka spoke up.
“Don’t suppress it, Azula. Let yourself face those feelings, at least a little.”
Azula gritted her teeth in irritation, but tried again. She let herself touch the boiling, awful, painful emotions in her gut.
Burning, all consuming rage. How dare he, how dare he hurt Zuko! The crushing guilt and shame. I should have known, I should have done something, I should have helped! And more than anything, the overwhelming, all consuming grief.
Just like that, the tight control Azula had on her emotions and inner flame snapped. She screamed, an agonized, heartbroken, furious sound, and let fire explode out of her fists.
“He’s GONE!!” she screamed, tears running down her face. “Zuko’s gone, he’s dead, and no one even cares!!!”
Her rage and guilt and grief boiled out of her, explosive waves of fire pouring out of Azula and through the training area
Azula cried and screamed, and breathed fire, before it was all too much, and she started laughing.
“He’s fucking gone!!” she screamed at the sky. “He’s gone, he’s gone, and he…. he’s never…”
She couldn’t finish the sentence, but she didn’t have to, because Sokka was standing by the sidelines, and, once again showing his impressive understanding of Azula, finished her sentence.
“He’s not coming back, Azula,” he said softly. “No matter what happens, no matter what you do, your brother is never coming back.”
With that, Azula screamed louder than ever, letting out the most explosive blast of fire yet, before collapsing on the ground, sobbing heavily. She looked at Sokka, who was standing there with a look of sorrow and understanding.
“I just want him to come back,” she whispered through the tears. “I just want my brother back.”
“I know, Azula,” Sokka said softly. “It's not fair that he died so young. But your brother is dead. That’s not your fault, none of what happened is your fault, but you need to accept that no matter what, Zuko is not going to come back.”
Azula cried there on the ground, and Sokka began to approach her.
“Can I hug you, Azula?” he asked quietly.
As a response, Azula threw herself into Sokka’s arms, and let herself cry. Sokka hugged the princess tightly, and there, wrapped in his arms, she felt a sense of safety that had been missing ever since Zuko died. A sense of safety she had only ever felt when her older brother was there.
Sokka held Azula and let her cry herself out, before Azula finally pulled away.
“I think you would have liked Zuko,” she said softly.
“Will you tell me about him?” Sokka asked.
“Not right now,” Azula said quietly. “But…someday.”
Sokka nodded his head in acceptance.
Azula brushed her tears away and stood up. “I think I’m ready to try lightning,” she said.
“Okay,” Sokka said, before standing back.
Azula stood there, letting herself feel and accept the horrible reality; that her brother, her only real family was gone, gone forever. She had worn out the awful, burning pain in her gut, and all that was left was a hollow, aching sort of grief. Slowly, Azula moved her hands in a circle, and, for the first time, sparks followed her movement as she made her way through the form. She could feel the lightning almost ready to take shape, before the sparks fizzled out and her kata ended in another explosion. Azula was once again blasted back, but this time when she stood up, she had a grin on her face. She turned to Sokka, who wore a proud smile.
“That was amazing, Azula!” he said, beaming. “You’ve almost got it. Soon you’re going to be the youngest person ever to learn lightning bending.”
Azula grinned back at him. “Only because of you,” she admitted.
“Nah,” Sokka said. “It’s only been two weeks of instruction and you’ve already got sparks. That’s not me, that’s all you.”
“Actually, it’s been two months,” Azula pointed out dryly.
“Yeah, well I don’t count any instructions that come from his Royal Shithead,” Sokka said carelessly.
Azula giggled despite herself. She had never met someone brave enough to insult the Firelord, at least not in front of her, and it was oddly amusing.
“Anyways, I think we should go steal mochi to celebrate,” Sokka said.
Azula rolled her eyes. “You’ve got an addiction,” she said. “I shouldn’t encourage it.”
“Hey, I’m a growing boy, I need food!” Sokka said. “Besides, life is short, and mochi is delicious.”
“Yeah, you might as well enjoy it before you get executed for treason,” Azula deadpanned.
Sokka snorted. “What do you mean? I’m the most loyal Fire Nation citizen ever.”
“Sure, to the country,” Azula said. “Not to Ozai. I’m pretty sure you’re praying to Agni that he keels over from a heart attack.”
“Hey, a guy can dream!” said Sokka. “Besides, you’d make a much better Firelord that his most Royal and Majestic piece of human excrement.”
Azula laughed out loud. “Keep saying that stuff here, and you really will get executed for treason.”
“Yeah, fair point,” Sokka admitted. “I’ll keep the insults to when we’re in a more secluded space.”
“Probably for the best,” Azula said with a smirk.
Sokka grinned back, before speaking up.
“So, mochi?” Sokka asked hopefully.
Azula rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she said. “But only if I get to play pranks on the guards.”
“Deal!” Sokka said.
Azula smiled genuinely at the boy who seemed to be a real friend.
“Hey, Sokka?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for this.”
“Anytime, Zula,” Sokka said with a smirk.
Azula froze. Zula. Nobody had called her that in years. It was a name she had always associated with Zuko, with the feeling of safety and love from her big brother. Sokka noticed her stiffness, and spoke up.
“Not an okay nickname?” he asked.
Azula paused, considering. “No,” she said. “I think…I think I’d like it if you called me that.”
“Got it,” Sokka said. “Now let's go steal some mochi, before I literally keel over from hunger.”
Azula rolled her eyes. “Well, we couldn’t have that,” she said dryly. “Who would teach me then?”
“Exactly,” Sokka said, snapping his fingers. “You still need me, Zula, you can’t get rid of me yet. And this way I get free mochi. Everyone wins!”
Azula scoffed. “You’re too easy to please,” she said. “Your only ambition is free food.”
“Not true!” Sokka squawked. “I have plenty of ambitions.”
“You still want mochi.”
“I still want free mochi, yes,” Sokka said.
Azula sighed. “Okay. Let's go steal you some snacks.”
Sokka bowed. “After you, Your Highness,” he said with a teasing grin.
“Oh, shut up,” she said, rolling her eyes
“You got it, Zula,” Sokka said with a salute.
Azula gave Sokka one last smile, before the two of them sneaked off to cause chaos and steal mochi.
I think I like this whole “friends” thing, Azula thought, looking over at Sokka.
It really was worth it, to not be alone. Even if Sokka was definitely going to eat the castle out of mochi.
Well, it wasn’t like Azula particularly cared for the problems that would cause. In her opinion, the joy it would cause her friend was more than worth it.
Because with Sokka, at least she was no longer alone.
⽕
Mai had to admit she was surprised. Ever since Azula had met Sokka, something had changed. The boy had gotten through to Azula in a way Mai and Ty Lee never had, and she had begun to genuinely open up to the three of them. Bit by bit, Azula was peeling off the layers of cruelty and manipulation she used to protect herself, and revealing more of the girl underneath. A girl who was still vicious, intelligent and a bit manipulative, but also kind, heartfelt and incredibly loyal. More than anything else, though, Azula had shown what Mai had been suspecting for years; that the girl carried a bone deep pain that affected everything she did, everything she was.
The four of them had gotten a lot closer since Sokka had joined the group, and it had left Mai feeling happier than she ever had. The real Azula was someone Mai could see herself risking everything for, just like she would for Sokka and Ty Lee, and she was starting to realize that, underneath all her sharp edges, Azula had always felt the same.
Still, something had felt different when Azula had invited the group together this time. There was a nervousness and vulnerability to Azula that the girl rarely showed, and Mai couldn’t help but feel that she was about to learn something about her friend, something she would never be able to forget.
As always, Azula let her friends into the sitting room she had claimed. Every time, Mai got more and more grateful that the princess had scared all the servants away from the room, because apparently Sokka was carrying a lot of treasonous thoughts about the Firelord. Thoughts that seemed to amuse Azula greatly. The princess’s lack of care for the slander made Mai even more suspicious that Azula’s sharp edges were a result of her father.
Once the group had settled down on the plush couches, Azula took a deep breath.
“Mai, Ty Lee, I wanted to say that I’m sorry,” the princess said heavily.
Mai blinked. She wasn’t expecting that, and, judging from her friend's expression, neither was Ty Lee.
“I was awful to you,” Azula continued. “I wish I hadn’t been. I wanted to be your friend so badly, but I was afraid, so I pushed you away.”
Azula let out a shaky breath. “And… I think I’m finally ready to explain why.”
“Take your time,” Mai said gently. “We’re here for you.”
“I guess it all starts with Zuko,” Azula said softly. There was such a deep, agonizing sadness in the princess’s eyes when she spoke that Mai was surprised she had never seen it before.
“The day he died… I was there,” Azula admitted.
Ty Lee gasped. “Really?” she breathed.
“Yeah,” Azula said darkly. “And it wasn’t anything like what was reported.”
The princess looked unsteady, the story clearly incredibly traumatic, so Mai offered Azula her hand. The princess took it gratefully, and, seeing this, Ty Lee took her other hand, while Sokka put a hand on her shoulder. Together, they helped ground Azula as she told the story that had been weighing on her all these years.
“I was going to Zuko’s room,” Azula whispered. “I wanted to bother him, not in a mean way, but in the little sibling, make-your-life awful with love sort of way.”
“I thought you two hated each other,” Ty Lee said.
“No…well, kind of? It was complicated,” Azula admitted. “We loved each other, but I was jealous of how Ursa always favored Zuko and hated me, and I believed all the bullshit Ozai said about my brother. But I still cared about him deeply, and he loved me more than anything. He was always there for me when I needed him, even when I didn’t deserve it.”
“I knew your dad sucks, but I didn’t know Ursa was awful, too,” Sokka grumbled. “Makes me kind of glad she’s dead.”
Azula gave a sad smile. “I don’t know. I hated her, but in some way I still wanted her love. I knew I’d never get it, but… her being dead made that more real.”
“Yeah, I get that,” Sokka said heavily.
“Anyways,” Azula continued, “I headed to Zuko’s room, when I heard odd sounds inside. So instead of walking in, I opened the door just a crack and peered through. And what I saw….”
Mai squeezed Azula’s hand in support, and the girl let out a shaky breath.
“Ozai was there, and he was… he was raping Zuko,” Azula whispered.
Mai drew in sharp breath. Of all the things Azula might have said, that was the last thing Mai had expected. She was horrified, a feeling that only worsened as Azula continued her story.
“It was the first time I had seen Zuko without his robes, and he was absolutely covered in burns. Ozai was violent, and Zuko, he was just taking it. I thought it was because he wasn’t strong enough to fight back, but then he said something to Ozai, with this look on his face, and I just knew that my brother was manipulating him. Zuko was manipulating Ozai into turning all his rage on him, so that I would be safe.”
As Azula spoke, tears rolled down her face.
“I was frozen, watching the scene, and when Ozai was about to leave, Zuko spotted me. When it was clear I wasn’t moving, Zuko…”
Azula let out a shaky breath. “Zuko threw fire at Ozai, burning his back. Then Ozai turned around, and shot lightning directly at him. It hit him right in the chest, hard enough to throw him against the wall, and Zuko was….he was killed.”
Impulsively, Mai wrapped Azula in a hug. The princess clung tightly to Mai’s robes, crying softly. Soon, Ty Lee and Sokka had joined the hug, surrounding Azula with the support of her friends. After several minutes, Azula pulled away.
“Zuko was the only kind and good thing in this horrible palace, and it killed him,” Azula said darkly. “I realized that the only way I could survive was if I became exactly the person Ozai wanted me to be.”
With those words, so many things made sense, but in the worst way possible. It made Mai nauseous, knowing the extent of the horror Azula had experienced. But apparently the princess wasn’t done with her story, because after a minute she continued speaking.
“It’s helped,” Azula said shakily, “but without Zuko to take all his anger, Ozai eventually turned his attention to me. Anytime I mess up, anytime I’m not the absolute perfect princess…he does it to me, too. And with all the power he has, there’s absolutely nothing I can do.”
The group settled in silence for a minute, the horror of Azula’s story getting to them. They all knew she was right; that the Firelord was too powerful, too influential to be defeated by a couple of children. No, the best they could do was help Azula survive in the situation, as there was no real way to escape.
“Well, at least I understand why Sokka has been so treasonous lately,” Mai deadpanned. It broke the tension, as Ty Lee and Sokka gave teary laughs, while Azula let out a watery sort of smile.
The princess wiped at her eyes before continuing. “I know it doesn’t make up for how I treated you,” she said to Mai and Ty Lee, “but I thought you at least deserved to know why.”
Mai watched as Ty Lee wrapped Azula in another hug. “I forgive you,” she said gently.
“Me, too,” Mai said honestly. “Just… stop pushing us away, okay? We can’t help you if you don’t tell us what’s happening.”
Azula gave a small smile. “Thanks,” she whispered.
“Anytime,” Mai said, squeezing her friend’s hand tightly.
The group stood there in silence for a minute, bearing the weight of Azula’s pain and grief. Yet Mai knew, deep in her bones, that something had changed between the four of them. They were a team now, in a way they hadn’t been before. Mai knew that she would do anything for any of these three people, and that they would do the same. And as she stood there, holding her friend's hand, Mai made a promise to herself.
Azula would never again suffer alone.
Notes:
I don't know if I made it clear enough, but in case I didn't, Azula letting Sokka call her "Zula," Zuko's nickname for her, was supposed to be her starting to view Sokka as her new big brother.
Chapter 16: Hope and Love in the Darkest of Times
Summary:
After six years in prison, Zuko is still doing his best to survive and not lose hope.
Notes:
Sorry for the late night update; I totally forgot I needed to post until like 9:30 PM. At least it's still Friday, so it still technically counts as on time! Anyways, hope you enjoy the new chapter!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Zuko woke up to the guards barging into the barracks and screaming at the prisoners.
“Everybody up!” they yelled. “Get off your bunks and to the mess hall, if you don’t want to end up on the whipping post!”
The 15 year old firebender lifted himself from his bed and stretched, before quickly putting on his shoes and trudging out of the barracks. At this point, his body was basically wired to wake up an hour before dawn, even with his firebending leaving him attuned to the rise of the sun. Just another change Zuko had noticed in the long six years he had spent in the camp.
Darkness still covered the prison as Zuko made his way to the mess hall. Gathering his meagre portion of slop, the firebender sat down at his usual table. Before long, his family joined him, carrying their own portions of nasty prison rations.
“Another beautiful day in the camps,” Rani said sarcastically.
“It’s too early for sarcasm,” Navagiaq yawned.
“I can’t believe you’ve been here for 11 years, and you still haven’t adjusted to getting up early,” Rani snickered.
“It’s because Navagiaq is a traitorous bastard that’s allergic to the rules,” Zuko said with a smirk.
“I thought that was Rani?” Simran said.
“I’m pretty sure it’s all of us at this point,” Zuko said.
“Yeah,” said Rani with a smirk. “We’ve even fully corrupted you by now. Our little innocent angel.”
Zuko punched Rani lightly on the shoulder. “Wasn’t so innocent when I beat your ass in training last night,” he said quietly but smugly.
Rani shot him a pretend scowl, but her mischievous smile crept out from the edges. “I’ll get you back tonight, you smug little bastard.”
“I’d like to see you try,” Zuko challenged.
“Fighting words from our little firecracker,” Simran said, ruffling his hair. “I’d call you cocky if I didn’t know you could back them up.”
Zuko smiled widely. After all these years, his new family still made prison life bearable, even enjoyable at times. After every beating and sexual assault, Navagiaq would be there to heal his injuries, Simran would comfort him and sneak him extra rations, and Rani would threaten murder on his behalf. Without these three holding him together, Zuko wasn’t sure he would have survived the past six years.
“Ready for another incredibly wonderful day of pointless busywork and possible torture?” Rani asked.
“I’m really looking forward to it,” Zuko drawled sarcastically. “I’m sure it’ll be just as pleasant as every other glorious day I’ve spent here.”
“That’s the spirit, Lee!” Rani cried. “Let us enjoy misery, together!”
“I wish we could take the ‘misery’ out of the ‘together,’” Simran muttered.
“Yeah, well I wish for a cup of tea, but we don’t always get what we want,” Navagiaq mumbled, barely keeping his eyes open.
“As long as we’re talking about hopeless dreams, I for one would enjoy murdering every awful guard who ever entered this place. Slowly,” Rani said.
“Wouldn’t be a day without you plotting murder, would it, love,” Simran said fondly.
“I am going to kill so many people when I get out,” the assassin seethed.
Zuko sighed. “Just make sure to pick your targets carefully,” he said. “I’m still not sold on the revenge killings.”
Rani snarled. “Anyone who hurt you must die!”
“Rani, sweetie, the list is too long, even for you. Besides, your last assassination attempt leaves me a bit suspicious of your skills,” Zuko said mockingly.
“I told you, that was one time!” Rani cried.
“Yeah, and I threw fire at the piece of human excrement Firelord Ozai one time, but I ended up here all the same,” Zuko said.
“Well, I beat all of you,” Navagiaq smirked. “I get to be a traitorous criminal just for existing.”
Rani sighed longingly. “If only we could all be so lucky.”
“Yes, yes, we’re all traitorous bastards, even Lee,” Simran said, rolling her eyes.
Zuko squawked. “I take offense to that!” he said. “I shot fire at Ozai when I was nine! I’m just as treasonous as the rest of you.”
“And yet, against all odds, you’ve maintained a moral code,” Simran said.
“You guys have, too!” Zuko cried.
“Yeah, but I mean, come on Lee,” Simran said. “You’re the one who’s always saying things like ‘murder is a last resort,’ and ‘don’t steal from the other prisoners-’”
“Even when they clearly deserve it,” Rani snarled.
“Staying here is punishment enough!” Zuko protested. “We can’t steal the little they have to get by. The guards are the ones who actually deserve it.”
“Well, until you came along, Lee, none of us had the skills to do that,” Navagiaq pointed out.
“I still remember the first time you robbed the warden,” Simran said, wiping imaginary tears out of her eyes. “I’ve never been so proud.”
“I still think you should have killed him, instead,” Rani grumbled.
“Love, you think murder is the solution to every problem,” Simran said fondly.
“It hasn’t failed me yet,” Rani grumbled.
“You’re in a fire nation prison camp,” Zuko said dryly. “I’m pretty sure it's failed you miserably.”
“I keep telling you, one time!”
“As lovely as this little bonding session is,” Navagiaq said, yawning, “we should eat our rations and get ready. We’ve still got our assignments to do, and it’s bad enough on a full stomach.”
Immediately, the mood darkened a bit. Still, they all knew Navagiaq was right, so the group began to eat the unappetizing sludge in silence. Soon, the bell rang that signaled it was time for the work assignments.
“Stay safe guys,” Navagiaq said softly. “Especially you, firecracker.”
The man ruffled Zuko’s hair softly, before their little family split up and went their separate ways.
⽕
Zuko hated his assignment more than almost anything in the camp. At the beginning, they had him performing hard labor, but soon they discovered that Zuko was more than used to cruel treatment and physical exhaustion from his demanding and harsh life in the palace. So in addition, they also gave him to the most psychologically disturbing task in the prison; the coronary position.
Life in the camp was harsh, designed to make the inmates suffer painful, slow deaths. It was why Navagiaq was given slightly better treatment; it helped to keep him alive so that the punishments could be extremely harsh without killing people. Still, healing was only for the worst prisoners, those who they beat harder and more frequently, only to revive them and start the cycle again. Most people got less harsh whippings but no medical treatment, meaning they would have to steal and barter for small amounts of bandages and antibiotics. It wasn’t always enough, and infection was a common cause of death. Starvation was more common, though, and Zuko frequently had to handle bodies that had withered away from the hard work, minimal food, and constant ration stealing that occurred among inmates.
The guards would let the bodies pile up and rot until there was a decent amount, before they pulled Zuko aside from his usual assignment to dispose of the bodies. Perhaps even worse, this was the only time they allowed him to use his bending. Zuko knew it wasn’t a kindness; the guards wanted him to associate his bending with vaporizing his fellow prisoners.
As usual, Zuko was locked in a large, metal room with piles of the dead in varying states of decay. The smell was horrific, but Zuko was used to it at this point. Fortunately, all of the bodies were stripped before being piled up, also by Zuko, so he wouldn’t have to dig through the rotting corpses for their belongings before burning them.
Even after all these years, seeing the piles of bodies still made Zuko’s heart ache. It probably would have broken him long ago, but there were three things that made him hold on. First, Zuko had a new family, one that taught him what parental love was supposed to feel like. Next, Zuko knew that eventually, his father would have him return to the palace, where he could see his little sister again.
Azula. What was she doing? How was she holding up, alone in the palace? Zuko was scared for her, but he could rarely dwell on the feeling. Most days he only had it in him to worry about himself and his new family.
The final spark of hope, though, was something different. It was the plan that he and his family had been developing for the past few years. Zuko wasn’t sure if it would work, but he did believe they had a chance, just a chance, of getting out.
Still, none of that made Zuko’s duty more pleasant. As always, he took a minute to recite what he remembered of the funerary rites of the Fire Nation, followed by those he had learned about the Water Tribe and Earth Kingdom from his family. Then, using his bending, he set the corpses ablaze.
It was a good test of his firebending stamina, at any rate. The longer Zuko continued to spew fire at the bodies, the quicker they would turn to ash, and he could finally leave this awful place. It also required a great deal of concentration and skill to bend the smoke away from him, so he wouldn’t choke to death on the fumes. By this point Zuko was used to his task, even if it still bothered him, so he finished with time to spare. Surrounded by the new piles of ashes, Zuko shoved down the boiling emotions he was carrying, before knocking on the metal door.
“It’s done,” he said solemnly.
The door opened, and Zuko was unceremoniously dragged out of the room and led back to his other assignment.
This one was designed to physically wear him down. Zuko was assigned to carry massive boxes of supplies through the camp to the various work sites, providing the tools each group needed to manufacture goods for the Fire Nation and their army. The work was back breaking, especially since Zuko had been starved to an extremely unhealthy weight, but he didn’t dare falter. The poorest performing workers were taken away for punishments, and Zuko had them regularly enough as it was.
The day passed in tedium, fear, and physical exhaustion, but to his great relief, Zuko was not chosen for a punishment. After another small meal in the mess hall, Zuko and his friends were sent off to bed. That was supposed to be the end of it; the prisoners’ days were carefully scheduled. But three years ago, Simran had discovered something. There was a small abandoned area built in the middle of the barracks, revealed by a loosened panel. Simran immediately covered it up so no one else would find the space, but ever since, the group would meet there at midnight to plan and train.
By the time Zuko got to the spot, his family was already there.
“Hey, Lee,” Rani whispered. “Ready to train?”
“Born ready,” Zuko said with a smirk. “I’m going to kick your ass.”
Rani smirked. “I’d like to see you try.”
“Two rations Lee wins,” Simran called from the sidelines.
“Hey!” Rani squawked. “You’re supposed to be on my side!”
“I’m always on your side, love,” Simran said. “But I’m not about to make a bad bet.”
Navagiaq chuckled. “She’s right, Rani. Lee’s beaten you the last three times.”
Rani huffed. “Yeah, well his record ends now.”
Zuko rolled his shoulders. “Nah, not today,” he said casually.
With that, their small family started their training. Out of all of them, Navagiaq was the only one who could practice his bending. Simran didn’t have access to her element, and Zuko’s firebending was bright enough to give them away. However, the two still practiced forms without actually bending, especially Zuko, who would be able to use his firebending during the escape. Since he didn’t have any actual instruction beyond what he had learned before coming here, Zuko had developed a rather unique style that was a blend of firebending, earthbending, waterbending and non-bender styles.
Rani was responsible for teaching the group the latter aspect. Despite how much everyone teased her for failing her last assisination, it was true that she was extremely talented, having mastered several forms of fighting, including chi-blocking, knife fighting and dual dao swords, as well as more traditional forms of unarmed non-bender hand to hand. AKA; brawling.
Zuko had also figured out how to compensate for his limited vision and hearing on his left side, but perhaps the most important thing that Zuko had learned from the group was how to fight dirty. As Rani said “in a real fight, chivalry gets you killed. Fight with everything you have, or die.” A bit blunt, but still true.
After the group ran through individual forms, it was time for their daily competition. As always, Simran bet some level of rations. No one ever took her up on them; everyone had learned the hard way not to bet against Simran. There was a reason she was such a successful gambler/scam artist.
Zuko’s first fight was against Navagiaq. He readied himself in a defensive stance, before Rani signalled the start of the fight.
Immediately, Zuko had to jump to the side as Navagiaq sent a water whip straight for his eyes. Luckily, Navagiaq was not the best bender (courtesy of the North Pole’s sexism), and it was simple enough to dodge. As Navagiaq sent several more blasts of water, Zuko lunged forward, trying to get in close and crowd him. That was usually the best method for dealing with benders. After dodging a few more times, Zuko got close enough to throw a punch straight to Navagiaq’s gut. The waterbender blocked it, before aiming for a pressure point in Zuko’s neck. The firebender dodged the chi-blocking attempt and countered with a kick to Navagiaq’s shin. It hit straight on, but Navagiaq shook off the blow and doubled down on his attacks. Zuko easily managed to dodge and block the hits, countering each with sharp blows targeted for painful spots and pressure points. After the two traded blows for a few minutes, Zuko landed a hit on the pressure point in Navagiaq’s arm, making it go limp. The man kept fighting, but Zuko swept his legs, before kicking the man while he was down. Navagiaq tried to grapple for Zuko’s legs, but the teen kept kicking over and over again, until Navagiaq finally yielded.
“Lee wins!” Simran announced happily.
“That’s my little firecracker,” Rani said proudly. “You’ve gotten much better at not showing mercy to a downed opponent.”
Zuko shrugged. “You taught me well, Rani,” he admitted. “And I’ve seen enough by now to know that you fight dirty or die.”
Rani nodded sharply. “Good.”
After that, the former assassin pointed out weak spots in Zuko and Navagiaq’s fighting, as well as the things they did well.
“Okay,” Rani finally said. “Time for the next fight.”
With that, it was time for Navagiaq and Simran to face up. These two were fairly evenly matched, but eventually Simran managed to beat Navagiaq, though not without the waterbender getting quite a few hits in. Once again, Rani gave the two advice, before the next fight proceeded. As usual, every member of their family faced off against everyone else, and they tallied the victories. By the end, both Rani and Zuko were undefeated, and it was down to the final battle. Out of all of the fights, this was the one everyone anticipated the most. Zuko mastered fighting skills quickly and Rani was an excellent teacher, so in the past few months their fights had become intense. They each won about as many times as they lost, but Zuko was on a winning streak the past few days. Still, getting cocky would only make him vulnerable, so he carefully prepared for an intense fight as he settled into his defensive stance.
“You got this, firecracker,” Navagiaq cheered quietly.
“Go, Rani!” said Simran. “You got this, darling.”
“Didn’t you bet against her?” Navagiaq said.
Simran shrugged. “I’m always rooting for my girlfriend. I just place my rations where I think they’ll count.”
Navagiaq shook his head. “I don’t understand you sometimes.”
“Probably for the best,” Simran said with a smirk, before turning back to where Zuko and Rani stood in their fighting stances.
“Okay, everyone,” said Simran, “the competition we’ve all been waiting for begins…now!”
With that, Rani threw herself at Zuko. She was incredibly fast, and Zuko barely managed to block her hit. An instant later, the firebender countered with a fist to the chest, which Rani easily blocked. The two traded blows for several minutes without any real progress, before Rani managed to land a carefully targeted strike to Zuko’s throat.
Zuko choked on air, unable to breathe, but he didn’t let that slow him as he continued the fight. When Rani threw another punch, Zuko grabbed her arm and used it to throw the woman onto the floor. The assassin tucked into a roll and came up standing, before lunging back at Zuko. The firebender dodged each of her attacks for several minutes. He knew he had better endurance than Rani, and was hoping to wear her out. Before he managed to do so, Rani landed another hit, this one targeted to a pressure point on his arm. With that, Zuko lost movement in his left arm, but Rani was visibly starting to slow. Zuko lunged at the woman and feigned a punch before sweeping her legs. As she fell, Rani grabbed Zuko’s shirt and took him down with her. The two wrestled on the ground for a minute, before Zuko managed to land a few precise hits on Rani, the chi blocking leaving the woman frozen.
Zuko lifted himself off the ground, breathing heavily.
“Hah!” he wheezed. “I win again. Take that, Rani.”
He expected Rani to give her usual protests, but instead the woman just looked at him proudly.
“You’re the best student I’ve ever taught, Lee,” Rani said. “I am so, so proud of you firecracker.”
Even after all these years, the frequent praise would sometimes hit Zuko especially hard. He brushed tears out of his eyes before wrapping Rani in a hug.
“I love you, Rani,” he whispered.
“I love you too, firecracker,” Rani said with a smirk. “But I’m afraid this hug is a bit one sided, considering the fact I can’t move.”
“Oh,” Zuko said, backing away. “Sorry.”
“Hey, hey, no!” Rani said. “I didn’t say you could stop.”
Smiling, Zuko wrapped his arms back around his surrogate mother. Soon after, Simran and Navagiaq joined the hug. There, surrounded by some of the people he loved most, Zuko felt the sort of burning happiness that the camp tried so hard to smother out. It may be a place of horrors, but with his family by his side, Zuko finally felt loved. The only thing that could make it better was if Azula was there. Still, with the escape planned for two days from now, Zuko could practically taste freedom.
Hang in there, Azula, he thought. I’m on my way.
Notes:
We're nearing the end of the Zuko in prison arc. Which means we're very close to the Zuko-Azula reunion, the romantic relationships, and adding more comfort onto the piles of hurt! Which is good because for all I like my angsty stories, I also required a sufficient amount of fluff to help me hold on. I mean, I guess you could tell from the adding of Zuko's found family to lighten up the darkness of the prison chapters. But the next section of the story will focus mainly on the main characters' relationships with one another, so there's lots of room for comfort and found family goodness! I promise I have range beyond just hurt, people.
Also, just for fun, I'd love to know which is your favorite of Zuko's found family. Mine is Navagiaq, because he's such a sweet fatherly figure for Zuko, which my boy really needs.
Hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I'll see you Tuesday!
Chapter 17: All or Nothing
Summary:
The day of the escape.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
It was the day of the escape. Finally, after six long years, Zuko would be going home. His family had been planning and preparing for their escape for years, and it was finally time.
The plan was fairly simple. Every few weeks, a shipment of supplies made by the prisoners’ forced labor was sent out to the Fire Nation. Their group had decided to use this to their advantage. First, Zuko would need to spy on the guards to discover the day’s password. Then, the plan was to intercept the guards as they were making their way to the gate, and quickly and silently dispatch them. The group would steal the paperwork and uniforms from the guards, and, properly disguised, take their place in the transfer. Finally, they would sneak aboard the cargo ship and make their escape.
Zuko was, naturally, incredibly nervous. This escape would be all or nothing. Either they got out, or they would be executed for trying. Still, the group had been planning for months, and they felt pretty confident in their plan. Now, it was finally time to put it into practice.
Slowly, quietly, Zuko sneaked out of the mess hall. He slipped through the shadows of the courtyard and into the guard’s quarters. Silently, Zuko crept through the corridors, making his way to the meeting room and settling himself outside the door. He pressed his good ear to the crack in the floor, and carefully listened to the meeting.
“Another shipment tonight,” the warden spoke. “I trust you have it covered.”
“Don't worry,” a guard said cheerfully. “We've done this a million times.”
“Good,” the warden said. “Today's password is Sozin’s Glory. Don't forget it, and make sure the shipment goes smoothly.”
“Yes, sir!” the soldiers called.
Smirking, Zuko slipped away. Everything was going according to plan.
⽕
Zuko waited nervously in the mess hall, eager for dinner to end and night to fall. He was filled with anxiety at the coming escape attempt, but his resolve had never been stronger. He needed to get out of this place, both for his new family and his old one. By which Zuko naturally meant Azula, and Azula alone. He had always known the royal family was fucked up, but meeting adults who genuinely loved and supported him as he was really emphasized how much Ozai and Ursa had failed their children.
And Azula had been left alone with them for six years.
Who has she become by now? Zuko wondered. Is she still all sharp edges and rage, or has she fed the spark of gentle kindness I know she has? All the same, Zuko knew that no matter what, he would still love Azula with all his heart. Just as he had told her all those years ago, no matter who Azula became, he would always be her big brother.
Still, Zuko couldn't help but feel he failed Azula. All he had wanted was to protect his little sister, but his mistakes left him shipped halfway across the world, unable to protect her from the evil that lurked in their family.
“What's on your mind, firecracker?” Navagiaq asked quietly.
“I'm worried about Zula,” Zuko admitted. “She's in an unsafe place, and I left her there, alone.”
“It wasn't your fault, Lee,” Navagiaq said heavily. “You were trying to protect her. It's not your fault that things went wrong.”
Zuko appreciated the sentiment, but he also knew that Navagiaq didn't know the real story. He had told his new family that Zula was chosen to be taken away to the capital due to her impressive bending. He told them he was worried about Zula's safety among the elites, so he followed her to the capital. In his story, “Lee” had spied on his sister for a few weeks, until she was called to meet Ozai. The new Firelord began to sexually assault his sister, and “Lee” had jumped in to protect her, but ultimately failed. It was a version of the story with enough aspects of truth that Zuko wouldn't have to tell as many lies.
He didn't want to lie to his family at all, but the Firelord’s threat still haunted Zuko’s mind. He didn't want Ursa or himself to be tortured to death, but the real horror would be if Ozai discovered Azula was the one Zuko actually cared about. Would she be replaceable enough for the Firelord to punish her for Zuko's failings? Besides, the young firebender expected that telling his family would also doom them; chances were that they would share his fate. It wasn't worth the risk, so Zuko would remain “Lee,” the traitorous commoner, even to his family.
Zuko was jolted out of his thoughts by the bell that signaled the end of supper. His family exchanged looks of determination, before heading back to their bunks.
Waiting in bed was excruciating, the anticipation and fear getting to Zuko, making him twitchy with nerves. Eventually, though, the time came for him to sneak out and join his family. Zuko silently slipped through the room and exited the door. To his horror, a fellow prisoner was already standing there.
“You're escaping,” he said bluntly. “And you're going to take me with you.”
“I can't!” whispered Zuko harshly. “There's no room for another prisoner. Please, just go back to bed.”
The other prisoner gave Zuko a fierce look. “Either you bring me along, or I tell the warden about your plan.”
Zuko’s heart was racing. His family needed him to help take out the guards, and he was running out of time. He could tell that the prisoner was not going to change his mind, so Zuko had two options; killing him or knocking him out.
The choice was easy. Zuko lunged for the other prisoner and wrapped his arms around the man's throat, while jamming the man’s jaw shut with his hands so he couldn't scream. He squeezed the prisoner’s throat tightly, cutting off his air. The firebender let the man suffocate, but the instant the man lost consciousness, Zuko let go. He wouldn't kill a fellow prisoner. He wouldn't kill an innocent who was suffering the same fate as him.
Zuko dragged the unconscious man back inside, tucking him into the shadows against the wall. Then he rushed through the hallways as quickly and quietly as he could. By the time he met his family, they were already in place, hiding behind a series of crates and waiting for the guards.
“Okay, guys,” Rani whispered. “Remember, take them out quietly so the alarm isn't raised. And we need to kill them, not just knock them out. We can't have the guards waking up.”
Zuko fidgeted. “About that… I might have had to knock out another prisoner. I couldn't bear to kill him.”
His family wore looks of concern and disapproval, before Navagiaq spoke up.
“It's too late to fix it,” the man sighed. “But we're on a time limit now.”
Zuko looked down at the floor, shamefaced.
“I'm not mad at you, firecracker,” Navagiaq said gently, stroking Zuko’s hair. “Your kindness is a good thing.”
“Yeah,” Rani whispered, “but it can be dangerous sometimes. You should have killed him. I'm not mad, but you still should have killed him.”
Their statements didn't make Zuko feel much better. He didn't want to be the sort of person to kill innocents, but he also knew that his decision to spare the man was a risk. They would just have to hope it wouldn't bite them in the ass.
Zuko was dragged out of his thoughts by the sound of heavy footsteps coming down the corridor. Zuko braced himself for the oncoming fight. As soon as Rani gave the signal, he lunged for his designated guard. He reached the woman in seconds, before wrapping his hands around her head and twisting, neatly snapping her neck. All around him, his family were killing the guards in similarly quick and brutal ways. In under a minute, four corpses were lying on the ground. Zuko’s eyes briefly trailed over the body of the guard he had killed. It was necessary, and the woman deserved it; Zuko could not honestly say he regretted his actions. But, staring at the body, he felt a complicated mix of emotions.
I'm a murderer now, Zuko thought numbly.
He shoved that thought down. It was not the time to dwell on his actions. Not when they were so desperately close to freedom, but about to face the hardest obstacle yet. While the group put on their disguises and hid the bodies, Zuko could feel his heart racing.
It was all or nothing, and he was about to face the worst.
Together, the group led the ostrich-horse carrying the wagon full of supplies through the courtyard. They passed by the punishment platform, and the gallows seemed to whisper to Zuko.
We'll meet soon, it seemed to say, if you don't succeed.
Zuko imagined it; he and his family with nooses around their throats. Maybe death was a certain kind of freedom, but it wasn't the one he wanted. Still, the gallows made for a haunting warning as the group trekked across the square.
Zuko looked away. He needed to focus only on his task. The escape would be risky enough as it was.
The firebender felt intense trepidation as his family made their way to the gate. It was as intimidating as it had been on that first day, a massive metal structure lined with guard towers and razor wire. Zuko's heart beat rapidly in his chest as he approached. Once they reached out, the guards at the gate stopped the group.
“Paperwork and password,” one said dully.
“Password is Sozin’s Glory,” Rani said gruffly, handing over the stolen paperwork. Zuko held his breath as the guards looked over the papers.
Finally, the guard nodded. “Open the gates!” he called.
As the first gate started to open, Zuko felt precious, delicate hope. He was close, so close to freedom. So close to making his family complete.
Then, to his absolute horror, a blaring alarm rang throughout the whole prison.
“Stop them!” the warden cried, running across the square. “They're trying to escape!”
With that, the entire group of guards turned on Zuko and his family. Their team looked solemnly at each other, aware that some of them would not be making it out alive.
Then, the battle began.
For the first time since he arrived, Zuko used his firebending freely. Massive plumes of flame incinerated whole waves of guards. Meanwhile, Navagiaq was stabbing enemies with spikes of ice, while Rani and Simran moved as one, snapping necks and slitting throats as they made their way through the guards.
The group fought viciously, but the guards kept coming in swarms, the entire prison ganging up to prevent their escape. It was too much, and slowly the group’s injuries started to pile up. Cuts and burns slowed them down, until they grew weaker and their fighting sloppy.
Simran, their precious earthbender, was the first to fall. She was in the middle of attacking one guard, and didn't notice the other one behind her until he had stabbed her through the chest.
The earthbender cried out in pain, coughing up blood. Rani heard her agonized scream and turned to face her girlfriend. At the sight, she let out a heartbroken cry.
“SIMRAN!” she sobbed. She ran to her girlfriend, eager to tear apart the people who were killing the love of her life. She practically ripped the head off the man who stabbed Simran, before kneeling on the ground next to her love.
“Rani…” Simran coughed. “I love you…always. Thank you…for being in my life.”
With that, the brave woman stilled. Rani let out a scream of intense grief and rage. She viciously attacked every guard in sight, but in her emotional outbreak she grew sloppy. A blast of fire hit Rani dead on, and her burned and blackened corpse landed next to her dead love.
Meanwhile, Zuko ignored the horrors around him. He couldn't think of it, he couldn't feel it, or he'd die. So he shoved down all his emotions, and burned and stabbed and snapped the necks of any guards that got near. Navagiaq, the only other one left, was at his back, covering Zuko as they made a desperate last stand. Then, with a well placed knife to the gut, Zuko was the next to fall.
He collapsed to the ground, putting his hand against the bleeding wound. He could feel the life slowly draining out of him. In that moment, all he could think of was Azula. His beloved sister, who he once again failed. Who he would never see again.
As the world started to fade, he felt strong arms holding him. Then, the knife was ripped out, and the intense pain was replaced by the cool, numbing healing of Navagiaq’s waterbending. Zuko’s real dad was giving up his own life to save his son’s.
And it was a sacrifice, because as the waterbender stood over Zuko, he was stabbed through the back, before the sword was tugged out, leaving blood to gush out of the wound. Ignoring his own injuries, Navagiaq continued to heal Zuko, even as his own body started to fail.
“Listen… to me, Lee,” Navagiaq choked out. “This is…is it for me, but… but I need you to live. Live…for me, firecracker. I'll always…always be with you, my son.”
Zuko felt life return to his body, and moved to hold his dad, just as the man collapsed.
“NOOO!!!” Zuko screamed, all his loss finally hitting him. “Navagiaq, Simran, Rani, please, come back, come back to me! I can't survive this without you, please, I…I need you,” he sobbed.
But it was too late. His family was gone forever, and Zuko was about to join them. The firebender looked up at the sword of his soon-to-be murderer, glaring at the woman through his tears. As the guard began to swing, a voice interrupted the attack.
“No,” said the warden, coldly. “0937 is Firelord Ozai’s special prisoner. His Majesty wants 0937 to live long enough to truly suffer, to shatter beyond repair. We have orders to break him within a year, before he is to be returned. Prisoner 0937 cannot be killed.”
Zuko assumed there was relief in him somewhere, but he couldn't feel it through the overwhelming grief.
The warden smiled cruelly at Zuko. “You loved those traitors, didn't you?” he said gleefully. “You know, they would still be alive, if you hadn't let that prisoner live. All of this, all their deaths, are entirely your fault.”
In response, Zuko sent a vicious glare at the man. He desperately wished to burn the vile man, but he still hadn't recovered from his near death. So Zuko was powerless to do anything as the guards dragged his limp body away. Powerless to fight as they took him to a small, dark room in the depths of the prison. Helpless as they chained him to the floor, and kicked and cut and burned his body, there in the darkness of the cell.
Zuko was unable to do a single thing as the guards slammed the door shut, leaving him to suffer in darkness alone. And in that moment, with the deaths of his family still running through his brain, Zuko truly began to break.
Notes:
I know, I know, I'm sorry! I hated killing them, too, but needs must.
I decided pretty early on that they would die during the escape, so I actually gave two of them names related to death. Navagiaq is a name from Greenlandic mythology about a man who dies and is reborn, while Simran is an Indian name that means "continuous remembrance." I wanted to do one for Rani, too, but I couldn't find one that fit her vibe. So her name just means "queen," because she's an icon.
I also put a lot of effort into getting people attached to the characters, so it would really hurt when they died. Then I bamboozled myself, because I got attached to them, and still wanted them around. I tried to think of a way to save them, but I couldn't find a way that hit as hard as their deaths, if I faked the deaths it would feel cheap, if Zuko didn't think they were dead he never would have left them behind, and I'm already juggling a lot of characters. So as much as it hurt, the plot must come first.
On the bright side, just one more chapter in the camps before we arrive back at the palace!
*Offers up the arrival of fluff in a few chapters* (Please don't hate me 🥺)
Chapter 18: The Sound of Silence, the Sound of Screams
Summary:
Zuko survives in the aftermath of the failed escape
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Pain. Pain, and darkness and hunger and bitter cold. Zuko must have been in solitary for months by now, but he couldn’t tell. Not when the only thing he could see was inky darkness, and the only thing he could hear was his own breathing. Even his connection to Agni had weakened, leaving him unaware of the rising sun.
Every so often, guards would enter Zuko’s cell, and then his screams would cut through the piercing silence of the cell. Until those times, there was nothing but cold and silence and hunger and his own dark thoughts.
The lonely isolation of the cramped cell left Zuko plenty of time to ruminate on the failed escape. The horrors of seeing his family murdered before his eyes haunted him daily, and memories of their kindness left him sobbing in the cold cell.
Navagiaq, tousling his hair and listening to his thoughts, no matter how minor. Simran, stealing him food and letting him cry on her shoulder. Rani correcting his form in training and threatening to murder anyone who hurt him. Those three people had kept Zuko alive in the years he had been at the camp, and now they were gone. Gone to a place that Zuko could not follow. Not while he still had a duty to complete in the mortal plane.
Azula. She was the only thing that kept Zuko holding on through the cold, dark silence, the bitterness of his thoughts, and the agonizing pain that followed whenever the door opened. He knew now that he had only a year left before he could see her again, and he refused to break before that. He refused to break, because it was the only form of defiance he had left in the horrors of the camp.
Zuko also knew that his family wouldn’t want him to break, that they would want him to live on. The three had sacrificed themselves so he could live, and Zuko would not, could not let himself break, not when he owed them so much.
Azula. Navagiaq. Simran. Rani. Zuko would live for them all. Live for his family, both the ones still alive and the ones that had perished. And he would never, never forget what they had done for him.
Still, in the cold and the silence that was only broken by intermittent torture, Zuko’s mind was haunted by his grief. It was a palpable thing, dragging him down. On the good days, he would practice his katas, free to use fire in the darkness of the cell. The guards didn’t realize that Zuko was strong enough to bend despite the bitter cold, and he had kept up that illusion, because it allowed him to keep preparing. Preparing, still preparing, for the eventuality of his freedom. On his bad days, though, Zuko couldn’t muster the energy to get off the ground.
What is the point? he would wonder. What is the point of living, when life is cruel and never seems to get better? What is the point in living, when Navagiaq, Rani and Simran are all dead, and Azula is unreachable?
Some days, Zuko would ruminate on his choice to spare that one prisoner. The one who had woken up and gone straight to the warden, alerting the man of his family’s escape attempt. Zuko knew that if he had killed that man, his family would be alive. They would be alive, and they would be free. It would have been morally wrong, but if Zuko killed that one prisoner, the world would be a better place.
Maybe that’s how the world is, in war, Zuko thought. Innocent people die, and it's wrong, and it's cruel, but is it justified? Is it necessary?
How would Zuko have been supposed to live with himself if he had killed that man? And how was he supposed to live with himself now, when his mercy resulted in the death of three of the only four people he truly loved?
In the wake of the failed escape, Zuko finally learned the lesson that his family had been trying to teach him all those years; that mercy is not free. Mercy has a price, and in a world like this, sometimes that price is too high.
How was Zuko supposed to live with that price? And how was he supposed to live with the death of innocents on his conscience? Because Zuko had a suspicion that someday, he would be forced to make similar decisions. Someday, he would be forced to once again decide if the price of mercy was too high for him to pay.
Until then, Zuko was left in the safety of loneliness and darkness, and the torture that came whenever the door opened, allowing light and guards to flow in. He was left to train his bending, and hide that he had not lost it in the cold. He was left to mourn his family, and to hold onto the desperate hope, the burning knowledge that in only a few months, he would be returning to the palace. That in a few months, he could see his sister’s face again, and return to the purpose he had given himself all those years ago.
He would protect his sister. But first, he would have to survive.
⽕
The heavy metal door creaked open, bringing blinding light into Zuko’s tiny cell. He lifted himself to his feet, staring defiantly at the guards that crowded in the small room. As the head guard stepped in, Zuko gathered up his courage and spit directly in the man's face. It hit him square in the face, and the captain backhanded Zuko to the floor.
“A year in solitary, and you still haven't learned your place,” the man spat. “If I had my way, I'd keep you here until you learned your lesson.”
Zuko glared at the man. “I'm not going to break,” he growled.
The captain smiled cruelly at Zuko.
“Everyone has a breaking point, 0937. I'm going to enjoy finding yours.”
Zuko stared the man down as the guards began to circle him. In the months he had spent in solitary, he had survived all sorts of new and interesting pain. There was the usual; burns, cuts, broken bones, but Zuko had also been whipped, stabbed, waterboarded, choked, beaten with burning pokers and had nails driven into his flesh.
Today, the guards had formed a whip out of barbed wire. They drove the awful weapon into Zuko's flesh over and over again. The teen did his best to fight back, but he was chained down and severely underweight, which allowed the guards to easily restrain him. Trapped, Zuko attempted to zone out, letting his mind float away from the intense pain. The assault went on for an excruciating thirty minutes, before the guards went for an assault of the sexual kind. Then, the group threw some food, water and medical supplies on the floor and left the room, slamming the metal door behind them.
Zuko breathed heavily on the floor, crying. He hated this, he hated his life. Everything good he ever had was taken away. Still, the teen refused to let those monsters win. He would survive, he would not break. He couldn't, not if he wanted to be there for his sister when he got out.
Unfortunately, the guards had been taking less and less care to ensure Zuko survived their attacks. Zuko assumed they were angry that he was still fighting back, but he expected it was also because of his actions during the escape. Zuko's unique and powerful method of firebending overwhelmed his opponents, and he had burned dozens of guards to death. It had haunted him a bit at the beginning, but Zuko knew the killings were necessary. Situations like that were life and death; he could not, would not regret doing what he had to to survive.
Still, it had angered the surviving guards, who had likely lost several friends to his and his family's attacks. Thus, the poor attention to Zuko’s health. With the paltry medical supplies they had provided, Zuko knew he should have died months ago. He almost had, in the beginning. On one of the first beatings, he got a bad infection, and things were looking dangerous. In his desperation, Zuko had thought back to Navagiaq’s descriptions of water healing, and tried something he'd heard was impossible.
Now, breathing deeply, Zuko felt for the chi paths running through his body. Instead of using fire, Zuko used heat, and, concentrating intensely, he allowed the warmth to mingle with his chi paths. Slowly, over an hour, the deep wounds on his body began to heal, leaving only a faint scar.
Zuko breathed out in relief. Between his new ability and the incredible healing Navagiaq had performed on him all these years, he would be returning to the palace with scars, yes, but no additional disabilities beyond the permanent damage his father had inflicted to his eye and ear. After the work of Ozai's healer and Navagiaq, Zuko had light perception and a small amount of hearing on that side, but the teen had long given up on anything beyond that. He was thankful he had learned to manage and adapt to his disability in the years he had lived in the camp.
Now that the guards had left, they would not return for a small while. Zuko let himself lie back down on the floor, breathing in the cold air and the all consuming silence.
⽕
Time continued to pass in much the same way. Zuko would be left alone in the freezing cold, his only interactions with people the semi-regular physical and sexual assaults. Then he would heal his injuries, his abilities improving rapidly, and the cycle would repeat.
To pass time, Zuko would perform his katas, both firebending and nonbender forms. When his body became too tired to continue, he would practice feeling the chi paths in his body, or plan how he was going to handle things once he returned to the palace. When he was too exhausted for that, Zuko would sleep, or brush then braid and unbraid his hair. He would always leave one small braid on his left side, framing his scar. It was a small way to honor Navagiaq, who would always braid his hair into intricate traditional Water Tribe hairstyles, and would do the rest of the family’s whenever they asked. It was just a braid, but it was a way to keep the good memories alive.
Zuko tried his best to fill his days, but he would always run short. Those were some of the worst moments, when Zuko was left alone with his loneliness and dark thoughts. He was having one such moment when the door once again creaked open.
Zuko braced himself for another attack, but instead the guards put him in handcuffs, before unchaining from the wall.
“Move, prisoner 0937,” the head guard said gruffly.
Confused, Zuko stumbled along. His naked body was led through the long hallways, before he was shoved into a bath house. The guards threw a pile of simple red and black clothing on the floor.
“Shower and then change,” they ordered.
Zuko eagerly obeyed, using the small bar of soap the guards provided to wash away months of dirt, dried blood and…other substances. When he was finally, mercifully clean, he rebraided his hair, before stepping into his new clothes.
For the first time in months, Zuko felt almost human.
Finally clean and clothed, Zuko was led across the prison. It was then when he realized what was happening. His sentence was up, and he was returning to the palace. Burning, fragile hope fluttered inside Zuko, as the moment he had been waiting for seven years was upon him.
Zuko was taken to the gate and, finally, at long, long last, he was let outside the awful prison, and into a small ferry. Zuko knew that Ozai would try to make things awful for him at the palace, too, but after his time in the prison camp, Zuko doubted anything the man did to him could compare. He had survived possibly the worst the world had to offer, and he was still standing strong. No matter what came next, Zuko knew he could survive that, too.
As the ferry pulled away from the harbor, Zuko felt a glorious sense of relief. At long last, Zuko was leaving the prison and returning to the Fire Nation. He would finally, finally see his sister again.
I'm on my way, Azula, he thought, bursting with joy. I'm coming home.
Notes:
Hope you liked the chapter.
Now, I have a word for my fellow Americans. Bad things are coming, and they are coming soon. There is already a genocide of immigrants, and with the passing of the new budget bill, it will be getting much worse. If you think it's going to stop here, or if you think it's going to stop with immigrants, you are fooling yourself.
Now is the time to prepare. Prepare to flee if you're a minority (and it is a possible option), or to hide. Prepare to fight, hide your neighbors, and protect each other. Learn survival skills, learn self defense, and pack a to go bag in case you need to run unexpectedly. Things are NOT going to stop here. You can join protests and call your representatives, but you need to be prepared for the possibility that it will not work.
Either way, things are about to get a lot worse. So as someone who has lived through some shit; survival is hard. Some people will not succeed. But it's possible, and it's worth fighting for.
Oh, and try to also spend time doing the things that make you happy. Because life is fucking short, and it is going to get shorter for a great number of people. So make it fucking count.
I know that this was kind of depressing, but I've run into a concerning amount of people who seem to think that what's going on is no big deal. But it doesn't take a genius to see the parallels to Nazi Germany. It CAN happen here, and it's heading in that direction. Better to feel foolish if nothing happens than die unprepared if something does.
Hang in there people. It's going to be a rough one.
Chapter 19: Reflections of a Hateful Past
Summary:
Zuko arrives back at the palace.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Zuko’s heart pounded in his chest as he was led closer to the royal palace. He was still surrounded by guards, but his hands were free for the first time in a year. He found himself rubbing his sore wrists as he was marched towards his old home. After all this time, it seemed unreal. Zuko had spent seven long, awful years in the prison camp, and now, even though he was back at the palace, he was unsure if he fit in any longer. The polished buildings and golden decorations seemed too pure and perfect for a world at war.
Nevertheless, Zuko was led to the back entrance of the palace and through the long corridors to the servants’ quarters. When he finally reached the end of the corridor, he was marched into the last room. It turned out to be a small office, plain and unassuming in comparison to the extravagant rooms Zuko remembered from his childhood. At the other end of the desk stood a woman with greying hair and a stern expression.
“Ah, this must be the new recruit,” the woman said. “You may leave him with me.”
Wordlessly, the guards left Zuko alone in the office, and he was finally free of the watchful eyes of the guards. He felt himself relax slightly. Zuko may have been friendly with the palace guards in his childhood, but the past seven years had shown him another side of such a position, and Zuko knew he would never forget everything the prison guards had done to him in that time.
Tied up to the whipping post, fire at his back. The cold silence of his lonely cell. His family’s screams as they died.
The woman in front of him smiled gently at Zuko, and despite her previously harsh expression, the look was kind.
“Did the guards make you aware of your position here at the palace?” she asked.
Zuko shook his head silently, and the woman clucked her tongue.
“They rarely do,” she said, with a hint of disdain. “You’re here for a period of indentured servitude, to finish the rest of your sentence.”
Judging by the fact that Zuko’s crime was high treason, the teen suspected his “sentence” was never going to be finished. Maybe that was for the best, though. He could keep a better eye on Azula.
“Yours is a rare case,” the woman continued, “as you’re being assigned as a personal servant to the Firelord.”
The lead servant looked seriously at Zuko.
“Listen to me carefully,” she said quietly. “This is a very dangerous position. His Majesty enjoys punishing his personal servants. You will face this treatment at some point; every one of his servants does. You should meet with the other royal servants to discuss safety precautions and the behavior you should exhibit in front of His Majesty.”
Zuko nodded, and the woman paused.
“You do not seem particularly frightened,” she noted.
Zuko sent her a bleak look. “With all due respect, miss, I’ve been through worse.”
The woman looked doubtful at Zuko’s statement, but shrugged it off.
“You’ll be assigned a personal quarters here in the palace,” she continued. “Meals will be served in the kitchen before and after your shift, as well as at midday. However, if the Firelord requires your service, you will be expected to skip. That being said, the kitchen is always open for you to make your own meals if you are forced to miss them.”
Zuko nodded along. The woman went on to explain a few more things about life as a servant in the palace, before encouraging Zuko to go to the kitchens for some food.
“You're far too skinny,” she said with a frown. “It'll serve no one any good if you collapse from hunger.”
Relieved, Zuko headed back down the hall and towards the kitchens. The woman seemed nice, but after everything the young firebender had a strong distrust of authority figures.
When Zuko finally reached the kitchen, he was overwhelmed by the pleasant aroma of roast duck and gua bao. Mouth watering, Zuko opened the door and made his way inside.
The cacophony was oddly familiar after his years in the mess hall, with people chatting and orders being shouted, although here it was interspaced by the sound of meals being made; the hiss of oil on a pan, the sound of chopping and the rolling of dough.
Looking around, Zuko spotted a large table off to the side that was laden with food, with a gathering of servants sitting around the buffet, eating. He moved over to join them.
One of the people started speaking, and Zuko focused on his lips. He found that background noise was harder to filter out with only one good ear, but between lip reading and his remaining hearing, he managed to figure things out.
“Agni,” the person said, eyes wide. “You’re sticks and bones.”
“Wow, I hadn’t noticed,” Zuko deadpanned.
Another servant shot a glare at the previous man. “Ignore Choji,” she said. “He’s new. Now come sit down and have some food.”
Eagerly, Zuko moved to make himself a plate. There were massive platters of roast duck, rice, and gua bao. He made himself an impressively large serving, before the second woman stopped him.
“You shouldn’t eat so much all at once,” she said, her expression sympathetic. “Your stomach will have shrunk by now. Here,” she said, carefully putting back most of his plate, leaving Zuko with a small amount of food, only slightly bigger than the rations he was used to.
Zuko shot her a look, but the woman only opened her mouth slightly- a sigh?
“You’re not the first indentured servant we’ve gotten here,” she told him. “We’ve learned how to help them the best we can.”
The other servant’s words were actually surprisingly relieving. Zuko was reassured that he wouldn’t be left floundering in his new role.
“So what’s your name?” the second woman asked. “I’m Akari.”
The scene reminded Zuko so vividly of his first time meeting his family that he struggled to keep his voice steady.
“I’m Lee,” he choked out.
“How old are you, Lee?” Akari asked gently.
“Sixteen,” Zuko informed her.
“Agni above,” the woman whispered. Zuko felt a small spark of irritation at the way it made him rely much more heavily on his lip reading. The ability took a lot of concentration, as did trying to hear anything in this noisy kitchen. Too much of it left Zuko feeling drained.
“Can you speak up?” Zuko asked, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice. “I’m mostly deaf in my left ear, and it makes it hard to hear with any background noise.”
At Zuko’s words, Akari nodded, and raised her voice as she continued.
“I’m sorry Lee,” the young woman told him. “You’re too young for whatever happened to you.”
The words should have calmed Zuko, but they only made him angry. It really felt too much like this woman wanted to take care of him, but Zuko didn’t need a parent. He didn’t need someone to replace Navagiaq, Rani and Simran. They could never be replaced.
Instead of responding to Akari’s heartfelt concern, Zuko busied himself with eating. After so many years of prison rations, the meal was the best thing that Zuko had ever tasted. The flavors and spices made the simple meal so delicious the teen wanted to cry from joy.
“Good, right?” Akari said. At the sound of her voice, Zuko looked up, focusing his eye on her lips as she continued speaking.
“One benefit of working here,” she told him, “is that you get to eat food from the same chefs the royal family employs.”
“After seven years of sludge, I think anything would taste good right now,” Zuko mumbled through a bite of rice.
The servants around him stilled. “Seven years?” Zuko saw another servant say. “You were nine when you were put in prison?!”
“Yeah,” Zuko said bitterly. He decided not to elaborate. This wasn’t the prison camp, where everyone had something against the crown. This was the Fire Nation royal palace, where people would take much less fondly to the sort of traitorous opinions that Zuko had formed in the worst place he could imagine.
Still, judging from the angry looks on all the servants’ faces, they held quite a few unpleasant thoughts as well. That didn’t surprise Zuko, though. Not from how he remembered the servants being treated by his family. Not from the warning the head of staff had given him.
“Don’t worry, Lee,” Akari said, regaining her wits. “We’ll look out for you now.”
Zuko laughed darkly. “That’s a bad idea. The people who look out for me tend to die.”
At his words, the servants froze once more. Zuko was turning out to be a rather effective mood killer. He sighed.
“It’s fine,” he said. “Just… steer me towards the other servants of Firelord Ozai? The head servant said I should talk to them about my new position.”
If anything, the table went even more still than before. It was not looking good for Zuko’s ability to blend in here. Although, who was he kidding? He was mentally and physically damaged in a way these people would never understand. There would be no more fitting in for Zuko. Not while most of his family was now nothing but ashes. Not when he was so utterly alone.
⽕
Zuko’s circadian rhythm was officially fucked up from solitary, so Akari gave him a sleep supplement and went to wake him up for his first day as a personal servant of his former father.
This should be fun, Zuko thought sarcastically as he put on his simple red and black robes. He looked at himself in the mirror afterwards, a luxury he had not had since he was a child. He was surprised by what he saw.
Zuko’s many scars were mostly hidden under his long robes, except for the massive one over his eye. It took over the left half of his face, an angry red mark that left his ear crumpled, his eyebrow missing and his eye smaller and misshapen. He had seen it when it was still fresh, but he was surprised at how horrific it was to look at even all these years later. Meanwhile, his body really had become skin and bones, his cheeks hollowed in and the simple robe draping loosely over his body. Still, it wasn’t all bad. His long black hair was beautiful, falling all the way down his back in glossy black waves. Smiling, Zuko played with the small braid by his eye. It felt like a little piece of Navagiaq that he carried with him always.
Well, no use putting his work off. Zuko had a job to do, and by La was he going to do it. He had to, if he wanted to be there to help his little sister. Opening the door, Zuko headed out of the room and to his new assignment. After the nightmare he had just came from, he was confident he could survive whatever Ozai threw at him.
⽕
Zuko took a deep breath as he stood outside the door to Ozai’s bedchambers, before falling into step with the other servants. They entered the room just in time to see Ozai rise from his bed. The man met Zuko’s eye, and, despite his previous conviction, Zuko felt his heart race. This was the man who made his life a living nightmare, both in the Fire Nation and in prison. This was the man who held Zuko’s fate in his hands, and indeed the fate of the world. This was the person he hated more than anyone else alive, but in the moment, all he could feel was fear. Zuko refused to show it, however. He refused to back down, and Ozai must have seen the fire still in the former prince’s eyes, because the Firelord’s expression turned angry and calculating.
“You’re late,” he hissed.
They were perfectly on time, but that didn’t matter. If the Firelord said they were late, they were late. The whole group stopped and performed a kowtow to their ruler.
“Our apologies, Firelord Ozai,” the lead servant, Futaba, said.
“Do you really wish to try my patience today?” Ozai demanded.
“Of course not, Your Majesty,” Futaba said. “It is our honor to serve you.”
“Indeed it is,” the man said. “So get on with it.”
As two of the servants moved to dress the Firelord, he spoke.
“No,” the man said. “I want him to do it,” the man said, pointing at Zuko.
Zuko’s fear reached new heights as he rose, respectfully bowing to the man before moving to remove his sleeping robes and dress him in the traditional garments of the Firelord. He barely choked back both his tears and his disgust as he removed his former father’s robes, leaving him bare, before quickly dressing him in the fine silks befitting his position. Zuko did his best to avoid touching Ozai, but it was harder to avoid the man’s leer.
Zuko knew without a doubt that this was meant to be its own form of punishment.
I control you, Ozai meant to say. I’ve done horrible things to you before, and I will do them again. It is only a matter of time.
Finally, mercifully, Zuko was done, and he backed away from the horrid man, bowing again. Unfortunately, the day continued much in the same vein. Ozai took extra pleasure in forcing Zuko to perform tasks for him, especially ones that required him to be close to the man. The entire time, he could feel the wretched man’s slimy gaze as it ran over the teen's body. Zuko had to suppress a disgusted shiver the entire time. It seemed that somehow, despite the horrors of the camp, Ozai still scared him. Maybe it was because he was the reason that Zuko was in that position. Or maybe, it was because Zuko still remembered how it felt to suffer underneath that body and those hands.
The day crawled by slowly, far too slowly, but finally Zuko was released to dinner. As his team entered the servants’ hallways, they all let out a deep breath. A handful sent sympathetic looks at Zuko.
“I’m sorry, Lee,” one said. “He’s really got his eye on you.”
Zuko was quiet.
“Lee,” another spoke up, “you need to know what this means. The Firelord, he-”
“I know,” murmured Zuko. “I know what happens when someone looks at you like that.”
The rest of the group looked at the teen with pity. “I’m sorry, Lee,” the first one said. “You’re much too young for this horror.”
“I was always too young,” Zuko said quietly. “But that never matters.”
The group was quiet for a moment, before the lead servant spoke. “You can come to us anytime, Lee,” she said. “We survive together.”
“Thanks,” Zuko said. “But I’d rather be alone right now.”
“Okay,” Futaba said. “I’ll bring some food to your room.”
Zuko gave the group a small smile. “Thank you.”
“Of course,” Futaba said. “We all understand what this is like.”
Maybe they do, a bit, Zuko thought, but I’m not sure they understand what it’s like coming from your own father. I don’t know if they can understand how much I’ve suffered at that camp, and lived with the knowledge that it was all under my father’s orders.
Not that Ozai has ever been much of a father to me. No, Zuko thought, fingering his braid. That title goes to Navagiaq.
Navagiaq. Rani. Simran. Zuko would never forget his family. He would never forget their sacrifice or the price of his own kindness and mercy. Now, though, it was time to find his only surviving family member.
It was time to find Azula.
Notes:
I made the last minute decision to start writing Zuko as having some of the actual effects of having one blind eye and one deaf ear. Because disability representation is good, and I like it. But since I have a rule against editing chapters once they're posted...if you noticed any discrepancies, no you didn't.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I'll see you in a few days!
Chapter 20: I'm All Sharp Edges and So Are You
Summary:
Zuko goes to find Azula.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
It was Zuko’s first day off since he started working at the palace, and he knew exactly what he was going to do. He needed to figure out who Azula had become and how she had been doing in the years he was gone.
His guess, based on the whispers he had heard, was not well. He had been too afraid to ask the other servants, figuring it would be too suspicious if he brought up the topic too early. Now, though, he had thought of the perfect way to mention it. So, as he ate breakfast with the rest of the group of Ozai’s servants, Zuko spoke up.
“So I’ve got a pretty good idea of what the Firelord is like by now, but I still don’t know anything about the princess.”
His peers looked at each other uncomfortably, before Akari spoke up, very carefully. Zuko watched her lips, not wanting to miss a word.
“Princess Azula…has her father’s temperament,” Akari said delicately.
A spike of alarm went through Zuko. “She doesn’t-”
“No,” said Akari, correctly assuming Zuko’s thought process. “She’s not like that. But she has a tendency to burn people who bother her.”
Zuko winced. He had worried his little sister might have become more vicious while alone in Ozai and Ursa’s presence, but it still hurt to find out.
“I hope she hasn’t hurt anybody too badly,” he whispered. Which was true. But the honest part of him knew he was more concerned about what those actions indicated his sister was experiencing. After everything, it was hard to care about most people, but Zuko still loved Azula with all his heart.
The rest of the servants looked at him grimly. “Usually Princess Azula only burns deep enough to leave scars, but when Fire Lady Ursa was still alive, there was an…incident.”
Ursa is dead? Zuko supposed he should feel some sort of way about that, but it was hard to feel affection for her knowing how poor of a mother she was and how much she had hated Azula. Speaking of which-
“What sort of incident?” Zuko asked.
“The princess was only seven, and she burned her own mother's wrist badly enough that it needed to be amputated.”
Zuko's eyes widened.
What did Ursa do to my sister? Because Zuko knew that at that age, Azula only lashed out when she lost control for very valid reasons.
“That's horrible,” Zuko whispered.
Whatever Ursa did must have been.
The former prince sighed. “It's such a shame,” he said. “Don't get me wrong, I live to serve the royal family-”
Just Azula, not that bastard Ozai.
“-But sometimes I wish things could be a bit different here in the palace,” Zuko said carefully.
The other servants nodded vigorously. Then one of the older servants seemed to sigh.
“It was such a tragedy when Prince Zuko was killed by that awful traitor Iroh,” the servant mused. “He was such a sweet child. He gave me hope. He gave us all hope.”
Everyone agreed. They started mentioning kind things the “dead” prince had done to make the servant’s lives a little easier.
“He would always say hello in the hallways, and ask about our day.”
“He remembered that my brother was sick and asked me if he had gotten better. I have no idea how he even found out!”
“Sometimes he would order snacks from the kitchen, just to give them to his servants and guards. He even asked us our favorites, so we'd be sure to like them.”
“He was always so kind to the staff. I've never met a royal who cared so much.”
The words made Zuko feel oddly touched. He had no idea that his small acts of kindness meant so much to these people. Still, it was hard to imagine those actions as his own. It was long ago, when things were different, when Zuko was different. He knew his kindness was still there, but the dark, bitter, sharp thing inside him had grown. He wasn't the same kind boy who gave snacks to the guards.
Zuko had been reborn by the fire and fury of his father and the prison camp. He would never be the same, never again.
People assume that you break once, and you're broken. It's harder for them to understand that Zuko had been broken since he was five years old, but with each time Ozai turned his naked body and his burning hands on Zuko, with each day he suffered at the camp, each family member he saw die or got torn away from, each hour of torture and starvation and crushing loneliness in solitary, Zuko just kept breaking. He continued to break, over and over again, and yet there was always some part of him left to destroy.
Zuko had been broken again and again, and he was desperately scared that, without him around to protect his sister, Azula had become more and more broken, as well. She probably had. After all, his sister had always turned to fire and fury when she was hurting, so her current cruelty might just be an extension of her pain. Or maybe without a figure to show her true kindness, Azula had emulated the only parent to provide a facsimile of affection and approval.
Zuko sighed. He wished two things more than anything; that he could have been there for Azula, and that his family hadn't died. But that's not how life worked for Zuko. He just kept getting more broken, his losses kept on getting worse.
No, Zuko thought. It's different this time. This time, I'm back in the palace. I can find a way to help Azula.
He'd just have to find her first.
⽕
Zuko silently slipped through the hallways, easily avoiding the guards. He had plenty of practice, after all. The prison camp employed even more guards than the royal palace; they needed to to prevent an escape, especially with so many benders there. This, in comparison, was far easier, although Zuko suspected it would be more difficult if he was trying to reach Ozai. But as it was, he couldn't care less about what Ozai was doing.
(Don't let him be hurting Azula, please, I need her to be safe.)
No, Zuko didn't care about Ozai. He was looking for his sister. So the firebender crept through the hallways, looking for any sign of Azula. He was still searching, when he heard a startled cry and a cruel, high pitched laugh.
Zuko turned his head back and forth, trying to increase his range of vision and figure out where the noise was coming from. Locating noises was another thing that became harder after his one-sided hearing loss. Still, he managed to get a glimpse of a guard’s uniform, so Zuko turned in that direction, hoping it was where the sounds were coming from. The firebender slowly stalked through the hallways towards the guard, and found a sight that he had longed for for years.
Azula had grown up. She had become taller and with sharper features, but it was clearly her. Zuko moved his head back and forth, drinking in the sight. The princess still had the same dangerous gleam of cruel humor in her eyes, the same mocking smile. In that instant, Zuko couldn't care less what she was doing. He just basked in the presence of his little sister, miraculously alive and there.
I'm back, Azula, he thought. I'm here.
Then, the full scene hit Zuko. Azula wasn't just smiling mockingly, she was doing it at the guards. ln the past, those smiles accompanied harsh words. Zuko suspected that they now heralded something far worse.
“You should know better by now than to walk so close behind me,” Azula said softly, her eyes glittering. “Such terrible accidents seem to happen when you do.”
Then, as Zuko watched, Azula lit her palm ablaze and pressed it onto the chest of the guard. He screamed, but didn't dare move away. Zuko watched, his blood running cold, as his little sister left a deep burn on her own guard, before finally letting go.
“Do we have an understanding?” Azula whispered.
“Yes, Your Highness,” the guard said, gasping in pain.
“Excellent,” the princess said with a sharp smile. As she turned, Zuko saw her eyes again, and he was taken aback by the haunted look Azula carried. She covered it well, but even after all these years, Zuko could see through her anger to what was really there; bone deep fear and pain.
In that moment, Zuko knew that his worst fears had come true. Azula was being raped and burned by Ozai, just like Zuko had been. Azula must have once again fallen back on her anger to compensate for the complicated emotions she had. Zuko could understand it. Rage was an emotion Ozai encouraged. Not fear or sadness, and certainly not affection. Of course Azula would bury the parts of herself that were dangerous, and hang on to the parts that kept her safe. In a weird way, Zuko was proud of her for it. Proud that she survived, and proud that she was still able to get what she needed safely. It was clear to him that that guard had managed to trigger her, and by choosing violence, Azula had discouraged him from doing it again in a way Ozai would approve of.
It was manipulative, it was vicious, it was cruel, but Zuko didn't care. Sometimes that was what it took to survive. And by Agni, Zuko would do almost anything for his sister to survive.
Even though Azula had become all broken pieces and sharp edges, raging through the world to survive, Zuko didn't love her any less. Because that was his little sister, and he would love and protect her no matter what.
He just hoped he was still able to.
Notes:
Hope you liked the chapter! I'm sorry it's not a full Zuko-Azula interaction, but my thought process was that Zuko is a servant now, so he can't just go up to the crown princess without seeming suspicious. If he wants to get closer to Azula, he needs to be careful about it, because of the class difference and the fact that she's still pushing most people away. So you're going to have to wait a little bit for the full meeting, especially since the next few chapters will be focusing more on what Azula's other relationships look like after the three year time gap between her last POV chapters. This section of the story is mostly focused on exploring the characters' relationships with one another, so while we will get some Azula-Zuko content, there's also going to be Sokka/Zuko, Azula-Sokka, Azula/Ty Lee/Mai, and some looks at the whole friend group, both before and after Zuko joins it.
But I am excited to tell you that the next chapter will be pure romantic Azula/Mai/Ty Lee fluff!
Chapter 21: Echoes of a Hopeful Future
Summary:
Azula has a date with her girlfriends.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Azula played with Mai’s beautiful silky hair as the girl sent her a soft smile from where she lay on Azula’s lap. Meanwhile, Ty Lee was snuggled up at Azula’s side, trying to teach her how to braid Mai’s hair. It was times like these, alone with her girlfriends and away from the palace, that Azula felt the most at peace. It was great having Sokka around, but sometimes Azula wanted a special date with her girlfriends, Agni damnit, and having her surrogate big brother there kind of ruined the mood.
“I love you, Mai, Ty Lee,” Azula said softly.
“Love you both, too,” Ty Lee said with a smile.
“I absolutely hate you two,” Mai deadpanned. “That’s why I invited you both on this romantic picnic.”
“I don’t know, Mai,” Azula said imperiously. “The flowers don’t look quite right.”
“What’s wrong with the flowers?” Ty Lee asked, confused. “I thought fire lilies were your favorite.”
“What’s wrong is they belong right…here,” Azula said, taking the flower crowns she had subtly made and placing them on her girlfriends’ heads. “My Fire Ladies.”
She watched happily as her girlfriends turned a little pink. Then Mai sighed.
“You know the laws, Azula,” she said softly. “Same sex relationships are illegal, and a gay royal couple would be unheard of.”
“Never mind that there can be only one Fire Lady,” Ty Lee added.
“Well, that’ll be the first thing I fix,” Azula said, gently kissing the back of her girlfriends’ hands. “There’s no way something so perfect could be wrong.”
At that, Ty Lee and Mai blushed even deeper.
“Who knew when we started dating that you’d be such a romantic,” Mai teased. “I thought that would be Ty Lee.”
“You’re the one who arranged a secret picnic in a field of my favorite flowers,” Azula pointed out. “And imported several bouquets of rare panda lilies from the colonies so Ty Lee could have her favorite flowers, too.”
Mai looked at the two of them, her eyes soft. “You two are the best things in my life,” she said honestly. “How could I not?”
“How did you convince your parents that you were interested in flowers?” Ty Lee asked curiously.
“Are you kidding?” Mai scoffed. “Those people would believe anything as long as it made me more of a ‘proper lady.’”
“I hate your parents,” Ty Lee mumbled.
“I hate all our parents,” Azula snarled. “But at least when I’m Firelord, I’ll be able to fix the mess Ozai has made of this country and truly bring greatness to the world.”
Mai looked knowingly at Azula. “You don’t need to be so worried,” she said. “You’re going to be a great Firelord.”
Azula sighed, flopping down on the rich velvet blanket. “How could I be?” she said bleakly. “My only reference is Ozai.”
She was quiet for a minute. “I wish Zuko was still around. I know he’d make a better Firelord than me, and I’m not even sure I really want the title. Zuzu could be the kind and gentle ruler, and I could be the advisor that threatened anyone who dared to bother him.”
Ty Lee smiled, but it was a bit sad. “What role do we take in this world?” she asked.
“Naturally you’d be advisors, too,” Azula said. “Always right by my side, exactly where you belong.”
“Always,” Mai whispered. “We’ll always be here, Azula.”
“Yeah, if you couldn’t scare us away when you were still playing the ‘big bad princess’ with us, you’re definitely not getting rid of us now.”
“You sure?” Azula asked, her voice uncertain. “What if you two find someone better, or realize you love each other more than you love me?”
“Azula,” Mai said, sitting up. “You and Ty Lee are the loves of my life. I’ve seen your best and your worst, and I’ve loved you through all of it. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Me neither,” Ty Lee swore. “I’ll love you both as long as the eternal flame burns. You two are perfect for me in every way.”
This time, Azula could feel her own cheeks heating up.
“I never thought it was possible to love someone as much as I love you two,” she admitted.
Ty Lee smiled gently. “Now that that’s settled, I think you forgot something,” she said, before pulling out another flower crown. This one was much more intricate, showing a level of talent Azula simply didn’t possess.
“It’s beautiful,” she whispered reverently, before nestling it on her head.
“Just like you,” Ty Lee said with a wink.
Azula smiled, and kissed her lovely girlfriend. Ty Lee’s lips were soft and perfect, just like always. When she drew away, Mai looked at her expectantly. Azula laughed lightly and placed a gentle kiss on Mai’s lips.
“I’ll love you as long as the eternal flame burns,” she whispered, with a smile. “My perfect Fire Ladies.”
“Wouldn’t we be Princess Consorts?” Ty Lee pointed out.
Azula shrugged. “Considering we’ll have to wait till Ozai kicks it, not really. Besides,” she said with a smirk, “I think you’d look beautiful in the royal consort crown.”
“There’s only one,” Mai pointed out dryly.
“And that, my flame, is what the royal jewelers are for,” Azula said smugly.
“I think I’m going to like the Fire Nation you’ll rule over,” Ty Lee said with a soft sigh.
“Me, too,” Mai said softly.
Azula kissed both their foreheads. “I’ll make the whole world perfect, just for you two.”
Mai gave one of her smiles. They’d been becoming much less rare in the two years they’d been dating.
“I’ll hold you to that, Azula,” Mai said softly. “But for now, we have a whole picnic to eat, and some pai sho for you to beat us at.”
Azula smiled. Her girlfriends always had a way of finding the perfect dates.
“Okay. But I won’t go easy on you just because you’re cute,” she warned.
“You wouldn’t be my wonderful, competitive girlfriend if you did,” Ty Lee teased.
Smiling, the triad started eating the feast Mai had prepared, Ty Lee feeding pieces of nan gua bing to both Mai and Ty Lee. Afterwards, Azula proceeded to absolutely annihilate both her girlfriends at pai sho, and then demand kisses as payment for her victory. Mai complained about extortion, but still kissed Azula deeply and with so much love it made her heart burst.
Azula really did have the best girlfriends in the world.
Notes:
I like including fluff in between the pain, so you guys get a sweet chapter of Azula and her girlfriends. Tell me what you thought, if you want, and I'll see you Friday!
Chapter 22: The Family We Find in Each Other
Summary:
Sokka and Azula talk.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Soooo,” Sokka said with a smirk. “How’d your date go?”
Sokka squawked as Azula threw a pillow at him.
“Get your own love life,” the princess grumbled.
“Hey, you’re my little sister, and someone needs to make sure that your girlfriends are treating you right,” Sokka pointed out.
Azula looked at him askance. “Don’t lie to me, I know you live for the drama.”
Sokka smirked. “I can have more than one reason to keep an eye on things,” he pointed out. He poked her in the side. “So, spill!”
Azula gave a genuine smile, the kind she only let herself have in Sokka or her girlfriends’ presence.
“It was perfect, like always,” she said with a soft sigh. “I love them so much it scares me sometimes.”
Sokka nodded. “I can kind of get that,” he admitted. “It’s not the same, but it was really hard to open myself up to my parents. I got so used to having cruel ones that I didn’t trust my adoptive parents for a long time.”
“It isn’t that,” Azula said. “It’s just that…love makes you vulnerable. If I lost Mai or Ty Lee, it would break me. It’s worth it, Agni it’s worth it to have them at all, but it scares me, caring so much. Especially when the first person I cared about…died, like he did.”
“That makes sense,” Sokka said softly. “I guess I don’t relate as much then. I never viewed connection as a threat.”
Because even back with the savages, I had Katara. My first little sister.
Sokka wondered if it was bad that he liked his new little sister better. Azula saw the whole of him, and understood him in a way Katara never could. The princess could understand how it felt to be broken, broken beyond repair.
His sister laughed bitterly. “I’m all sorts of fucked up,” Azula said. “I don’t know what Mai and Ty Lee see in me.”
Now that sounded like Azula hating herself again, and that wouldn’t do.
“Your girlfriends see the same things I do,” Sokka said softly. “They see that you’re kind, and brave, and smart, and loyal, and would burn down the world for someone you care about.”
Azula scoffed. “Have you seen the way I treat people?” she said bitterly. “I’m not kind. Besides, I’m pretty sure the last one isn’t a good thing.”
“Azula, you are kind,” Sokka said sincerely. “Ozai may force you to act a certain way, but that doesn’t change who you are. And when you’re Firelord, you’ll finally have the chance to show it.
“As for burning down the world…have you seen Mai and Ty Lee fight?” Sokka said with a smirk. “No, scratch that. Have you seen the way they look at you when you fight? All three of you have a vicious streak, and I know you all find it incredibly attractive.”
Sokka watched as Azula blushed and covered her face.
“They’re just so pretty when they’re fighting,” she said dreamily. “I’m only human.”
Sokka smiled widely. “And this is why I like hearing about your dates,” he said. “Those two make you happy.”
“They do,” Azula admitted, “they really do.” Then she went quiet. “I can’t let Ozai find out.”
Sokka grimaced. “I hate your dad,” he snarled.
Azula glared at him. “That monster is not my father.”
Sokka rubbed the back of his neck. “Right, sorry.”
Azula sighed. “I don’t want to be anything of his,” she admitted softly. “He’s already made me in his image, he’s already taken from me things I never wanted to give him. He doesn’t deserve anything else.”
“You’re right,” Sokka said darkly. “That son of a bitch doesn’t deserve anything.”
“That's not true,” Azula said with a smirk. “He deserves to be killed. Slowly.”
Sokka wrapped an arm around his sister. “You know, I like you a lot better now that you’re so treasonous.”
“You taught me well, oh wise one,” Azula said mockingly.
“Yeah, I did!” Sokka said happily. “I'm just calling it like I see it. And the way I see it, Ozai isn’t the Firelord, he's the Fuckwad Lord.”
Azula snorted. “Definitely a more accurate title.”
“He's not even good at pursuing the war,” Sokka said with a grimace. “I mean, he's the man who appointed Zhao admiral.”
Azula groaned. “I know. That man's a brainless, boot-licking sycophant.”
“I'm pretty sure that's all Ozai looks for in the commanding officers he appoints,” Sokka pointed out.
“He clearly doesn't look for competence,” Azula muttered. “I mean, Zhao spends all his energy and forces to chase the Avatar wherever he goes. He is aware that admiral is a naval position, not a vanity project, right?”
“I think it's awfully generous that you think he has the brains to tell the difference,” Sokka smirked.
Azula laughed. It warmed Sokka to know he could make Azula laugh like that, even in the horror of the palace. Still, a minute later, Azula sobered.
“I don't want to be Firelord,” she admitted, “but I know the world needs me. I just wish I could make it happen sooner.”
Sokka sighed. “We've talked about this, Azula,” he said bitterly. “It's too dangerous. I wish we could take down Ozai, but even with all four of us, we could easily still lose, and at least one of us would probably die in the process. It's not worth the risk.”
Azula groaned. “I know. I just hate it. If I have one more ‘punishment,’ I swear to Agni I might just kill him myself.”
“Don't,” Sokka said seriously. “You know what would happen. I couldn't bear to lose you, Zula.”
“I don't want to lose you either, Socks,” Azula murmured.
“I still resent that nickname!” Sokka said.
“I'm your little sister,” Azula smirked. “Of course any nicknames I give you have to be insulting.”
“At least it's better than Dum-dum,” Sokka admitted. “I'm glad your other brother got that one.”
Azula sniffed imperiously. “I reserve the right to change that at any time,” she said haughtily.
“If you do that, I'll make an equally insulting nickname,” Sokka warned. “Do you really want to go down that path?”
“Maybe,” Azula smirked. “Dum-dum.”
“Princess Prat,” Sokka offered.
“Dumbass.”
“Loser.”
“Mochi for brains.”
“Gay disaster.”
Azula snorted. “Now that one's practically a compliment.”
The two looked at each other and burst out laughing. They laughed for a good long while, before Sokka spoke up.
“Let's just stick with what we've got, Zula,” he chuckled.
“Whatever you say, Socks,” Azula smirked
Sokka wrapped an arm around his sister. “See, this is what I love about little sisters. They drive you insane and you love them to death.”
“I drive you insane?” Azula said, smiling viciously. “It's working, then.”
Sokka rolled his eyes. “You've still got a ways to go before I finally lose it “
Azula sighed. “Will my work ever end?” She bemoaned.
“I hope not,” Sokka said. “I rather enjoy sanity.”
Azula smiled sharply. “Then I'll let you keep it…for now.”
“Appreciate it, Zula,” Sokka said sarcastically. “Real generous of you.”
“It is, isn't it?” Azula said haughtily.
The two met each other's eyes, before cracking up again. They laughed for several minutes, and every time they slowed down, they would look at each other and burst out laughing again.
Finally, with a few last chuckles, Sokka calmed down.
“I love you, Zula,” he said genuinely. “I'm glad you chose me as your big brother.”
“You say that like you gave me a choice,” Azula said, rolling her eyes. “You basically stumbled into my life with all the grace of an elephant rhino and adopted me as your little sister.”
“And I have never once regretted it,” Sokka said proudly.
Azula smiled at him. It was the gentle, soft one she gave when she was being truly genuine and vulnerable.
“I'm glad to have you, Socks,” she said softly. “You're an amazing big brother.”
“And you're an amazing little sister,” Sokka whispered, hugging Azula gently.
“Yeah, yeah, I'm fantastic,” Azula said. “Now do you want to eat the mochi I stole from the kitchen and hear more about my date, or what?”
“Yes, please!” Sokka said, making grabby hands at the mochi. Azula sent him a fond look as the teen devoured the snack, before going on a long rant about how perfect her date was, how beautiful her girlfriends are, and how much she loved them.
Sokka smiled so hard his face hurt as he listened. His sister deserved this happiness more than anyone, especially with how much she had been suffering under Ozai lately. But right now, with a bowl of mochi to share and Azula gushing about her girlfriends, everything felt right in the world.
If only it could stay like that forever.
Notes:
I hope you liked this chapter! I'll see you Monday.
Chapter 23: The Ones Who Hold Us Together
Summary:
Azula has a hard day.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Azula hid her discomfort from her seat to the right of Ozai’s throne. She sat primly, properly, as she carefully listened to the war meeting. The princess had several ideas for improvements on the strategies, but Ozai didn't like when she outshone him, so Azula rarely spoke up in these meetings.
Agni, the princess couldn't wait until she was the one in charge of the war. Azula knew she would be better than all these old men jostling for the Firelord's favor.
The crown princess hid her distaste as perhaps the best example of that archetype stood up to announce his plan.
“Your Majesty,” Zhao spoke, “the past few months I have been tracking the Avatar, the greatest threat to our divine conquest. He has been moving north, and I am confident that the boy is heading for the Northern Water Tribe. If the Avatar were to find a teacher there, the threat he poses to our nation will only increase. This monster must be stopped, and I have an idea to accomplish this, and simultaneously destroy the savages.”
Ozai narrowed his eyes, and gestured for Zhao to continue.
“The savages’ bending is dependent on the moon. In my research, I have discovered the identity of the moon spirit, and their location within the Northern Water Tribe. If the spirit is killed, waterbending will be cleansed from the world, and we will easily be able to conquer or annihilate the savages in your name.”
Azula couldn't help it. She laughed, a loud, cruel sound. It drew Ozai's harsh gaze to her, but for once, Azula did not care. This was far more important.
“You can't be serious,” she said dismissively. “I have never heard a worse strategy in my life.”
Ozai narrowed his eyes at Azula, and Zhao seemed to be resisting the urge to snap at the crown princess. He wouldn't, though. Azula’s situation was a closely guarded secret, and from the outside she appeared to be highly favored by the Firelord. Perhaps she actually was, but it didn't stop him from hurting her.
“Princess Azula,” Ozai said coolly. “Explain what flaws you imagine this plan to have.”
“Of course, Your Majesty,” Azula said, bowing to the Firelord. She turned back to Zhao.
“So your plan, as a naval commander, is to destroy the moon? The thing that creates the tides? How exactly do you think that will help the Fire Nation?” Azula scoffed. “Without the tides, the ecosystem will be thrown completely out of balance, which will have a massive negative impact on everything from our food supply to the weather.
“Besides, it's terrible even as a battle strategy,” Azula continued. “You essentially intend to declare war on a nation that has remained neutral. If you fail, the North will likely join the war, which will split our forces between the Earth Kingdom and the Northern Water Tribe.”
“Your Highness, I promise you we will not fail,” Zhao swore. “With a large enough invasion force, we will be unstoppable.”
“The North has been isolated for so long that we have no clear idea of their current capabilities,” Azula said, cutting through the man's argument. “It is foolish to assume pure brute strength will be effective when we don't have enough information to plan an attack. The wiser strategy is to collect surveillance, before creating a task force to infiltrate the Northern Water Tribe and capture the Avatar, rather than sacrificing a huge amount of our forces on a risky and foolish venture.”
Zhao seemed highly irritated at Azula's speech. He turned his attention back to the Firelord.
“Your Majesty, I am assured of our success. My fleet will be able to conquer the Water Tribes in your name while destroying the Avatar once and for all. You will forever be known as the Firelord to take down the savages, their affront to bending and the Avatar in one clean sweep. You will be exalted above all previous rulers.”
With that, Azula knew it was over. Sure enough, Ozai's eyes shimmered with satisfaction as he pictured being known as the Firelord to command such a victory.
“You have my permission, Admiral Zhao,” Ozai decided. “Complete your plan successfully, and you will be rewarded.”
“Serving you and my nation is reward enough, Your Majesty,” Zhao declared. “Your victory will be eternally praised throughout history.”
The Firelord wore a pleased look at the thought, but when he glanced at Azula, his expression grew dark. The princess felt a cold dread fill her, but she did not let it show. She did not let anything show, and not a word passed her lips as she sat through the rest of the war meeting. The awful sense of foreboding only continued, and when the meeting ended, she already knew what would happen.
Sure enough, she was asked to stay behind. As Ozai ran his burning hands across her bare body, he said every horrible thing he could think of to get Azula to hate herself instead of him. The punishment was especially cruel this time, and by the end Azula had a dozen new handprints burned deep into her flesh.
Finally, mercifully, the Firelord left Azula damaged and naked on the floor of the throne room, before storming out, his robes billowing behind him.
After the healer provided minimal medical care, Azula numbly pulled on her robes, straightening them the best she could before leaving the throne room. As always, she made her way to her chambers to freshen up, before the girl slinked out to send a coded letter to her friends.
They showed up to meet Azula in their sitting room a half hour later, worried expressions on all of their faces. Ty Lee was crying, Mai was clenching her fists, looking murderous, and Sokka wore the same look he always did; concern and understanding.
“What do you need this time, Zula?” Sokka asked softly.
“Can you all stay with me?” Azula asked, her voice small. “And let me talk about it?”
“Of course, Zula,” Sokka said.
Her three friends sat around Azula, knowing better than to touch her right now, but still comforting and close by.
“How did you survive this?” Azula asked Sokka quietly.
The boy tilted his head, considering. “I don't know,” he admitted. “There were so many times I considered jumping into the ice water and letting myself freeze to death. There were so many times I stood by the edge of the water alone, about to jump in, before I got too scared and went back.”
“I would climb to the top of the palace,” Azula admitted. “And I’d just wonder…”
Sokka nodded in understanding, and Azula felt a rush of relief, to be so well understood.
“It's just, that's the only escape I'm going to get,” Azula admitted. “If I fight back, I'll lose and be murdered for the effort. If I run, he'll send his forces to capture or kill me. No matter what I choose, the only way this is going to end is if I die. Sometimes I just think…that I'd rather have that on my terms.”
Ty Lee was still weeping, and Mai had started blinking tears out her eyes as well. Azula's girlfriends were so clearly worried and heartbroken for her, but they kept silent. Over the years, they'd discovered that Sokka, because of his personal experience with Azula's type of pain, was the best at talking her down.
“You're so strong for living through this,” Sokka told her. “You're a survivor, for not giving up by now.”
Azula finally admitted the worst thing. “I want to. I still want to give up.”
“Do you still visit the tower?” Sokka asked. There was no judgement in his tone.
Azula nodded silently, tears silently falling down her face.
Mai sucked in a sharp breath, and Ty Lee looked like she was barely restraining herself from throwing a hug around Azula. She knew better, though. Azula generally liked physical affection, allowing it freely, but in the hours after the assaults, she didn't want it. It was her way of taking control over her autonomy back in the wake of such a violation.
“Why don't we come up with another code,” Sokka suggested. “You can send them out to us if you feel like going up there.”
Azula hesitated. She liked that they were concerned, but…
“I need it, sometimes,” she admitted. “Up there, I can choose whether I live or die. I don't usually have any sort of control, so it helps.”
Sokka nodded, considering. “How about we find another way for you to feel some sort of control?” he suggested. “Maybe we can start having one day a week where you decide what we do as a group.”
Azula smiled. She kind of liked that idea. “Okay,” she relented.
Ty Lee burst into a huge, relieved smile, but in the moment, Azula preferred Sokka’s. It was small and sad, but his eyes held such a deep understanding, that it made Azula feel so much less alone.
“You were right,” Azula said suddenly. “When we met, you were right. It's better, not being alone.”
“I'm glad you took my advice,” Sokka admitted. “You were so lonely before, and now-”
“Now I've got two kickass girlfriends and a great big brother,” Azula finished.
“Yeah,” Sokka grinned. “Something like that.”
Azula let out a wet laugh. “Can we…can we play some pai sho later?”
“‘Course, Zula,” Sokka said. “Whatever you want.”
“And Mai…could you go steal us some custard buns and mochi from the kitchens?” Azula asked.
Mai looked sympathetically at Azula. “Of course, my love,” she said softly.
All of a sudden, this, their kindness, was too much. Azula started sobbing.
“What do you all see in me?” she blubbered. “I'm cruel, I'm cold, I'm made of broken pieces and sharp edges, how can you love me like this?”
“Azula, we've always known you're broken,” Sokka said softly. “Just like you've always known I'm broken. That doesn't stop us from loving you.”
“And you're not cruel,” Ty Lee added. “You're not cold. Not really. That's how you're forced to behave, but it's not what you believe , it's not who you are.”
“Maybe it'd be easier if it was,” Azula whispered. “Then I wouldn't have to live with this guilt.”
“You'll make it better,” Ty Lee promised her. “You only have to act like this as long as Ozai's around. Once he's gone, you'll finally be free.”
“When will that be, Ty Lee?” Azula snapped. “In five years? Ten? Twenty? Fifty? I have no idea how long I'll have to keep living like this. I don't…I don't know if I can make it.”
“You don't have to know,” Sokka said softly. “You just have to try.”
“Sometimes I don't want to try,” Azula admitted. “Agni above, I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to live like this anymore! I just wish it would stop, I just wish I never had to do that again.”
Azula started crying harder, as her friends sat around her.
“We'll do everything we can to help you get through this, Zula,” Sokka promised. “No matter what, we'll always be there for you.”
“Good,” Azula whispered through her tears. “Because I need you. All of you.”
“We need you, too,” Mai said quietly. “I wouldn't feel whole without you by my side.”
“Me neither,” Ty Lee admitted. “It would break me, if I lost you.”
Sokka looked sadly at Azula. “I've already lost one sister to monsters,” he said quietly. “I won't lose you, too.”
“What was your sister like?” Azula asked, trying to take her mind off her pain. “I've talked about Zuko, but you've rarely mentioned Katara.”
Sokka sighed. “I don't remember way too much,” he admitted sadly. “But I remember she was kind, and stubborn, and brave, and…clueless. She never figured out what was happening to me.” Sokka chuckled coldly. “When she found out about my bending, she was so mad. She kept saying my secrets were ruining the family, and that if I told them, everybody would still love me. As if they ever did.”
“I thought the tribe already knew about your bending?” Ty Lee said.
“They did,” Sokka said. “At least, all the adults knew. But they didn't know that I had kept bending in secret. Until Katara.”
“She didn't,” Azula whispered harshly.
Sokka let out a sad smile. “She did. I got her to promise not to tell, and the next day she ran to Hakoda. I don't really remember what happened; my mind blocked it out. But I didn't have this before that day.”
Sokka rolled up his pants and showed a deep, hand shaped burn scar on his leg. Azula's eyes widened as she realized what must have happened. The savages had forced Sokka to use his own bending to burn himself.
“Those monsters,” Mai breathed.
Sokka rolled his pants back down. “Considering the worst parts are the ones I forgot, and that I still don't remember what happened…I'm going to say it was bad.”
Azula growled. “They really are savages. This is why we need the war; we need to stop this from happening.”
Sokka sighed. “Azula, you're proof this stuff happens here, too.”
“What am I supposed to do?” Azula snapped. “Just accept it? At least if the world is under Fire Nation control, things would be better. And once I'm in charge, I'll make sure this never happens again.”
Ty Lee and Mai quickly agreed, but Sokka was silent. After a minute, her brother spoke up.
“I don't know if the war will fix this,” he admitted. “I know it'll fix a lot, but this…I don't know. How do you fix something like this? There's always going to be people powerful enough to get away with doing awful things.”
Azula paused, taking this in. She had never thought about it like that. “So you think the problem isn't the people or the culture, but the fact that power imbalances allow people to escape justice?”
“I think it's probably a mix of all three,” Sokka admitted. “So it's going to take a lot to stop this sort of thing from happening again.”
“Well,” Azula said, “it's a good thing that I've got you three. Between the four of us, we'll figure it out. We won't let this keep happening.”
All three of Azula's friends nodded.
“Someday,” Sokka promised. “Someday, we'll make sure nobody will have to suffer like we did.”
“Someday,” Azula agreed.
Notes:
You may have noticed our first canon event showing up. It might make you think, "what's the timeline?" To which I say, in the wise words of Vizzini: *points* "What in the world could that be?"
*Proceeds to run off to avoid answering timeline questions.*
Chapter 24: Beauty From Pain
Summary:
Zuko meets Sokka.
Notes:
Okay, I recently realized that certain of my writing decisions may have been unintentionally racist. So I wanted to address it.
First of all, I realized that since the cultures in Avatar are based on Native American and Asian cultures, when I'm making them seem evil, that's kinda problematic. This is especially true in the Water Tribe, I realized I made them a bit too one-sidedly awful, and I'm working to correct it in future chapters to show a more respectful, nuanced version of the Water Tribe, by addressing the way that flawed systems allow and perpetuate abuse. I'm basing that critique off of my own society, America, because it is what I am aware of and familiar with. I apologize for any racism, and to the people it may have hurt.
Secondly, you may have noticed the protagonists acting racist. THIS IS NOT ME CONDONING RACISM. I'm trying to use this fic to explore the ways war and hate is harmful for ALL societies, and racism against the “enemy” is common in war. The protagonists were raised among this propaganda, and would realistically believe it. They WILL learn they are wrong, it's part of Sokka and Azula’s character arcs, but it will be a while before they unlearn it. I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear enough.
Moral of this message; racism is bad. Don't be racist, and if you are, even unintentionally, apologize.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It happened the second week Zuko was at the palace. Frankly, he was mostly surprised it took so long.
Zuko had just finished his shift serving the Firelord and was about to head out the door when Ozai spoke.
“You, boy with the ugly scar,” he said, a slimy smile on his face. “Stay behind.”
Zuko was terrified, true, but also resigned. He had known he wouldn't be lucky enough to avoid Ozai’s wandering, burning hands, not now that he was back. So instead he chose the strongest form of defiance he had; silent strength.
Whatever he does, I've felt worse, Zuko reminded himself. I will not let this monster see my fear.
So instead, Zuko met Ozai's eyes, fire burning behind his golden eyes.
“Yes Your Majesty,” he said, with just a hint of defiance in his tone.
I am human. I am not your toy.
Ozai's expression grew dangerous, and the other servants shot Zuko scared looks. Zuko sent them a subtle signal to leave, and they did, knowing none of them were a match for Ozai. Zuko knew that, he understood it, but it didn't stop him from feeling abandoned as they left him behind.
Navagiaq, Rani and Simran always found a way to fight for me. Even if it could only be in small ways. Even when they always lost.
But those times, that family, was gone. It was always going to ache, a pain deep in Zuko's bones, but they were gone, and they weren't coming back.
Zuko would have to face this horror alone.
Once the door closed, Ozai stalked towards him, a slimy smile on his face.
“You've grown almost pretty in your time away,” he purred. “If only that horrific scar and the starvation didn't ruin it.”
Zuko didn't dignify that with a response. He simply stood there in the room, his head held high.
I will no longer be your toy. I am stronger than that, I am stronger than you.
Ozai snarled at the lack of a response, and backhanded Zuko to the floor. Zuko had to resist the urge to fight, to spit fire and claw and punch and do everything he could to not get hurt. No, this wasn't a time for fighting. Not when last time he fought Ozai, it cost him everything. Ozai wasn't a person you fought. He was a person you survived.
“Tell me, freak,” Ozai spat. “How does it feel to be so broken no one could ever love you? You're never going to be loved, never again.”
That nearly brought tears to Zuko's eyes, but not for the reason Ozai thought. It just made him remember his family, the people who had loved him with all his broken pieces. His family that was never coming back.
Ozai could see the anguish on Zuko's face, and dug the knife in deeper.
“Who could ever love you?” he sneered. “You're nothing but a disgusting, pathetic criminal. You're worth less than the dirt under my shoes.”
I'm worth more than you'll ever be, Zuko thought furiously. And I know I can be loved, because I was loved. I was valued.
And it was taken away.
Still, Zuko had already let Ozai see too much of his pain. So instead, he survived it the same way he always had. Zuko let his mind float out of his body, unfeeling. He was still there in the room, but it felt unreal, almost dreamlike as Zuko let his feelings numb. As his clothes were forced off his body, as the burning hands touched Zuko all over, he refused to let himself feel it, refused to let it sink in. Time passed without meaning as Zuko suffered the familiar pain under the hands of the first one to show him how it felt.
Zuko may be made of sharp edges and broken pieces, but he was still a survivor. And by Oma and Shu was he going to survive this.
ᐃᒻᓂᖅ
Sokka moved through the halls of the palace. He and Azula were playing hide and seek again. Which was really just an excuse for Azula to go hide somewhere and cry for a bit, and Sokka to explore the castle. It worked for both of them. Sokka was just about to make his way to the kitchens when he saw something out of the corner of his eye.
He was the most beautiful person Sokka had ever seen. His silky black hair fell in waves down his back, his skin was like porcelain and his eyes were a brilliant gold. The teen moved his head, and Sokka gasped. A giant scar took up half of his face, covering his left eye and retreating across his skull into his hair. Somehow it only made the man more beautiful, just like the darkness in his shining eyes did. It showed that he was a survivor, a fighter. Just like Sokka.
Sokka found himself wanting to talk to the other teenager and find out more about him. Was he as resilient and mysterious as he seemed? Did his sharp edges and broken pieces lead him to be a cunning manipulator like Azula, or someone who had to learn to fight instead of freeze, like Sokka? Whoever he was, Sokka had a feeling this teen could understand him just like Azula could. He had a feeling that the man was built of lies and secrets, just like Azula, just like Sokka. Just like the whole damned palace.
As Sokka moved closer, he saw something that made him pause. The gorgeous teen sat down on the ground and pulled off his robe, leaving him in his undergarments. Sokka drew in a sharp breath at the suffering evident in the boy's damaged body. The other teen was completely emaciated, and absolutely covered in scars. Sokka recognized some as burns, cuts and lashes, but there were others he didn't know the cause of. The teen’s whole stunning body was a sign of his suffering and survival. But the truly awful part was that there were fresh injuries on the boy, burns the shape of a human hand.
Sokka was about to go steal some medical supplies for the teen when he witnessed something incredible. The boy breathed in deeply, and Sokka could see the air around him shimmer with heat.
He's a bender, Sokka realized.
That wasn't the magical part, though. As Sokka watched, wide eyed, the boy’s skin began to slowly heal over, and after several minutes, there was nothing left but a handful of faint scars.
It was amazing. A type of firebending Sokka wasn't aware was even possible. However, that didn't strike him nearly as much as the implications.
Azula and I need to learn this, Sokka thought desper ately . This can help keep her safe.
So once the boy had put back on his robes, Sokka stepped out from behind the pillar.
“That's incredible,” he breathed. “How did you even learn to do that? I've never seen anything like it.”
The boy jumped, raising his hands in a defensive stance. Sokka immediately felt horrible.
“I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to scare you- I mean I wouldn't want to scare anyone, well, unless they deserved it, but you don't seem to- and I especially wouldn't want to scare you because you look really prett- I mean because you look really hurt!” Sokka babbled. “And I wouldn't want you to fall over or something and get more scars, even though they make you even prettier- I mean not in a creepy way! They just show you're a survivor, and I like that, and…I'm just going to shut up now,” Sokka said.
Well, way to make a good impression on the cute guy, Sokka thought.
Weirdly enough, the guy seemed to find Sokka's rambling funny, maybe even charming (he hoped). The boy was giving Sokka a highly attractive smirk that made the air seem even warmer than the usual Fire Nation heat.
“You don't look too bad yourself,” the boy muttered, so quietly Sokka barely heard him. He did, though, and it was enough to make Sokka turn pink. In a highly attractive, masculine way, of course.
Stop thinking about the pretty boy and focus on his bending! Which is really incredible, I mean skill as well as looks…
Sokka shook the thoughts out of his head.
“So that bending technique…where did you learn it?”
“I…made it, actually,” the boy admitted quietly.
Sokka's eyes widened. “You invented a new subtype of firebending?! At, like, age fourteen?”
“Hey, I'm sixteen!” the boy said indignantly. “I've just been starved enough to cripple my growth.”
Sokka winced. “Yikes. Even the savages weren't that bad. They didn’t feed me well, but it was enough that I still look like I should at fifteen.”
“The savages… wait, you mean the Water Tribe?” the boy said, his eyes widening. “You're an Agni's Miracle?”
Sokka groaned. “I hate that title,” he complained. “I'm not special just because I was raised by savages. If anything, it just made me extra fucked up. I'm just….me, you know?”
“Yeah,” the boy murmured. “Trust me, I get that.”
“Oooh, mysterious backstory!” Sokka said. “You just keep getting more interesting, Pretty Boy.”
“My name's Lee,” the boy muttered.
“I'm Sokka.”
“Nice to meet you,” Lee said, bowing. Sokka was relieved to see it was a bow befitting equals, rather than the deep bow Sokka's title merited.
He really does see me as just Sokka, the firebender thought happily. He shook that thought off. Concentrate, Sokka!
“We got a bit off track there,” Sokka admitted. “You still need to explain how you invented your own subtype of bending.”
Lee gave Sokka a smile, but it was sad.
“I met a waterbending healer,” he murmured. “And you saw the scars. He healed me until he…couldn't anymore. So I thought back to how he explained it, and I made my own version.”
“That's incredible,” Sokka breathed. “Can you teach me? And a friend?”
Lee looked hesitant. “Who's the friend?”
“Ummm… Princess Azula?” Sokka said nervously. He prepared himself for a refusal, but after a minute of consideration, Lee sighed.
“Okay,” he said.
“Yes!” Sokka said, pumping his fist. “Thank you, thank you so much Lee, you have no idea what this means to me.”
Lee looked at Sokka with the sort of silent understanding that Sokka and Azula gave each other. In that moment, Sokka knew that Lee was aware of Sokka’s broken pieces.
“I have a pretty good idea,” the boy muttered.
Sokka paused. “Yeah. I guess you do.”
Lee smiled again, even if there was a tinge of sadness in the look.
“I work most of the day as a servant here, so we should meet at night, around eleven. I found an abandoned training area that should work.”
“Oh, the one by the east wing? Me and Zula train there all the time!” Sokka said excitedly.
Something in the sentence made Lee freeze, but he quickly recovered.
“So when's the soonest you can meet?” he asked.
“I'll talk to Azula tomorrow, and I think we can make the day after work,” Sokka said happily.
Lee smiled, a genuine, soft thing that lit up his face and made something flutter in Sokka’s stomach.
“I'll see you there, Sokka,” he said with a wink, before strolling out of the pavilion.
Sokka stood there for a second, still processing the pretty boy’s soft smile and playful wink, before he decided to go to the kitchen. This called for celebratory mochi.
⽕
Zuko smirked as he walked back to his room. He thought that went pretty well. He had noticed that the boy- Sokka, he reminded himself- was close with Azula, and very protective of her. Which was good. Azula could use people that protected her. From there, it was just a little bit of well intentioned stalking to figure out his patterns, and then waiting for Sokka to show up and “discover” Zuko healing himself.
As he expected, Sokka requested a chance to learn from him, and, even better, invited Azula. What was less expected, however, was the way the boy stumbled over his words and blushed so much. It was a bit odd for a boy that seemed rather confident.
Ah, well, it didn't matter much. Sokka seemed pleasant enough, but in this instance he was just a means to an end. If Zuko taught Azula fire healing, she'd be safer, and if he played his cards right, they'd hopefully become close, close enough for Zuko to better protect her.
So, despite the horrors Ozai had inflicted, Zuko went to sleep with a smile on his face.
Notes:
Sokka meets Zuko, immediately starts simping.
Anyways, hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I'll see you Tuesday.
Chapter 25: Healing Fire and Sweet Desire
Summary:
Zuko teaches Sokka and Azula fire healing.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Sokka was practically skipping as he made his way to the abandoned training arena, Azula in tow.
“You sure this guy's healing is legit?” Azula asked suspiciously.
“Hey, I thought I was supposed to be the skeptic in our little group!” Sokka protested. “But yes, I'm sure. I saw it. Lee said he learned about water healing, and figured out his own method using heat.”
“Okay,” Azula said. “Then I hope he's a good teacher.” She paused. “How'd you get him to agree to teach you, anyway?”
“I’m not sure,” Sokka admitted. “He just…agreed.”
Azula snorted. “Maybe he found your gay panic attractive somehow.”
Sokka squawked. “I resent that! There was no gay panic!”
Azula rolled her eyes. “Socks, I've seen you around people you like. You're a blubbering mess.”
“Who said I even liked him,” Sokka pointed out. Then he wilted under the dry, unamused look Azula sent him.
“Socks, you spent ten minutes talking about how gorgeous Lee is. You nicknamed him ‘Pretty Boy.’ I've never seen you crush so hard so fast.”
Sokka sighed dreamily. “You don't understand, Zula, he’s so pretty it literally hurts. His hair is so long and silky, his eyes are like molten gold, his skin is ivory and he has this beautiful scar taking up half his face.”
Azula smirked. “Like I said; gay panic. At least this will be entertaining.”
“I'm ignoring you,” Sokka informed her. “This is me ignoring you.”
“Strange. I'd have thought you wouldn't be talking to me then,” Azula replied dryly.
“I'm not listening to you!” Sokka said. “You're spreading lies, and I'm not listening.”
“Okay,” Azula said. “If you're not having a gay crisis over ‘Pretty Boy,’ then let's make a bet.”
Sokka perked up. “What are the terms?”
“Keep your cool around Lee and you win. But if you stumble over your words like I know you will, I win.”
“And what's the prize?” Sokka asked.
Azula smirked at him. “Next time we steal mochi, the winner takes all.”
Sokka narrowed his eyes. “Playing dirty, I see.”
“Scared, Socks?” Azula taunted. “And here I thought you weren't having gay panic over Pretty Boy's ‘long and silky hair.’”
Okay, Sokka might be having a bit of gay panic, but he never turned down a challenge.
“Fine!” he said. “But you'll be sad when I get to eat all the mochi.”
“I'm sure,” Azula deadpanned.
“Ignoring!” Sokka said, running ahead with his hands covering his head.
“You can't lie to me, Socks!” Azula called to him. “I know you too well.”
That was also true. Azula was good at sniffing out lies, and even better at telling them. At least it was helpful 90% of the time. The other 10% was just Azula calling out Sokka's bullshit, or tricking him into believing stupid things, which, rude.
As the pair got closer to the training courtyard, they stopped their banter and Azula put on her usual cold and cruel mask. The two walked into the moonlit courtyard, and Sokka immediately spotted Lee.
The teen looked ethereal in the moonlight, his glossy hair catching the light and his golden eyes gleaming in the darkness. Suddenly whatever train of thought Sokka previously had disappeared in the face of Lee’s unfairly pretty self.
“H-hi Lee!” Sokka stuttered.
Lee looked around, and smiled when he spotted them. It was a big, genuine one that lit up his whole face and somehow made him even more attractive. Sokka wasn't even aware that was physically possible. Sokka’s heart pitter pattered in his chest.
“You're here,” Lee said softly. “I'm glad.”
“I'm sure,” Azula drawled. “You know, Lee, I find it awfully suspicious that you just met Sokka and immediately agreed to teach him and the second most feared person in the palace.”
Lee's pretty golden eyes gleamed in the moonlight. “I can see the misery in your eyes,” he said quietly. “And in Sokka's. You two are being hurt. You need my help.”
“I told you he was smart!” Sokka said, elbowing Azula.
“Socks, you figured it out just as easily,” Azula drawled.
“Yeah, and I'm smart!” Sokka said, puffing up his chest.
“I once saw you try to dig a fish hook out of your thumb with a second fish hook,” Azula deadpanned.
Sokka blushed, but then he heard a melodious sound. The firebender was captivated by Lee's quiet laugh.
“Real intelligent, Sokka,” Pretty Boy said, snickering.
“Hey, I also invented a lot of cool things!” Sokka protested.
“And blew up your room one time in the process,” Azula pointed out.
Sokka deflated. “Do you have to embarrass me in front of Lee?” he muttered.
Azula smirked. “Yes.”
Sokka sighed. “This is what I get for making you my little sister.”
He turned back to Lee, who was watching the two with amusement and a hint of longing.
“You're not quite what I expected, Your Highness,” Lee admitted.
Sokka watched as Azula sighed. “In my experience, if someone notices my hidden issues and tries to help, it's too late to hide my true self from them.”
“That's how we became friends!” Sokka told Pretty Boy happily.
“Well I'm glad you don't seem likely to set me on fire, Your Highness” Lee deadpanned.
“I thought you could heal,” said Azula skeptically.
“Yeah, but that shit still hurts!” Lee complained.
Sokka laughed. Lee sent him a surprised smile, and Sokka felt his cheeks warm.
“So are you going to teach us now?” Sokka asked hopefully. “You're really talented and smart and pretty, and I want to learn to bend like you! And I want to see you bend again, because you're even prettier when you're bending and-”
Sokka cut himself off when he noticed Azula's amused expression. He sighed internally.
There goes my mochi, he thought longingly.
“Yeah, we can get started,” Lee said. “Come sit.”
The three of them sat cross legged on the ground. Sokka moved to sit by Lee’s left side, but the boy stopped him.
“I can’t see or hear well on that side,” told him.Lee said. “Could you sit to my right, or in front of me?”
“Yeah, of course,” Sokka said sheepishly. He should have figured that the deep burn on the Pretty Boy’s face must have left damage beyond just a scar. Sokka promised himself that he’d do his best to accommodate Lee’s disability. For now, he just followed the boy’s request and moved onto his right side.
Once they had all finally settled, Lee began to speak.
“Okay, so there's two main things you have to learn,” Lee told them as he looked between Sokka and Azula. “You need to know how to bend heat instead of flame, and how to feel chi paths. Today we'll start with heat bending.”
“Did you invent that too?” Sokka asked. “You must be so smart.”
Sokka found it incredibly attractive.
“No, he didn't invent it,” Azula answered for Lee. “It's just not very commonly learned.”
“It is,” Lee corrected, “just not in the upper classes. It's awfully useful for daily chores, but if you have servants who do those things for you it's not as necessary.”
Huh. That made a lot of sense.
“Okay, so how do you learn it?” Sokka asked.
“It's easiest to learn by starting with regular firebending,” Lee explained. “First you need to learn how to control the temperature of your own flames-”
“Oh, like natural blue firebending? We can already do that!” Sokka said, lightning up his palm to show the bright blue flames.
Lee looked incredibly impressed, and Sokka preened.
He thinks I'm talented!
Still, the fire healer shook his head. “Natural blue firebending isn't the same thing,” Lee told them. “When your flames always come out blue, it's instinctive as the result of an unusually strong natural talent for firebending. Anyone can create blue flame, but for most people it requires additional concentration.”
“Huh,” Sokka said. “I didn't actually know that.”
“I did,” Azula said smugly.
Sokka rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, you know more about firebending, rub it in.”
“Thanks,” Azula said cheerfully, “I will.”
Lee laughed quietly, and Sokka suddenly found it even more difficult to look anywhere but at the painfully attractive boy. Not that he had been trying very hard to begin with.
“Usually people start learning by increasing the heat of their flames and turning them blue,” Lee said, “but for you two we'll actually do the opposite, and aim for regular orange flame. The goal is to learn how to purposefully control the heat of a flame. Then, once you have that down, you'll try to focus on how it felt to control the heat within your fire, and attempt to produce the effect without creating flame.”
Sokka nodded along, and noticed Azula doing the same.
“Okay,” Lee said, clapping his hands. “Both of you, create a fire in your palms. Try to tune into the heat of the flame, and then lower it until the fire turns orange.”
Sokka followed Lee's instructions. It was a relatively simple task, and after about an hour, both he and Azula managed it. Then they started fooling around, playing catch with the orange flame while Lee watched, amused.
“Looks like you got it down,” Lee said. “Pretty quickly, too.”
“Yeah, well I'm the prodigy princess and Sokka is Agni's Miracle,” Azula pointed out.
“Woe betide me to underestimate your abilities,” Lee drawled. “I bow to your prowess, Your Highness, Lord Sokka.”
Azula sniffed. “As you should,” she said primly. Then she met Sokka's eyes, and the two started snickering.
Sokka noticed Lee staring at the two longingly.
“How long have you two been friends?” he asked quietly.
“Three years now,” Sokka answered easily.
“I asked for his help to learn lightning bending and he bullied me into friendship,” Azula explained.
Lee blinked at her.
“Wait, you learned lighting bending at eleven?” he said incredulously. “And Sokka, you were good enough at lightning bending to teach it at twelve?”
Sokka blushed under Lee's amazement. “Yeah, I had learned a few months before. Firelord Ozai was…not the best teacher, so Azula asked me for help.”
Lee looked seriously at the two of them. “You don't need to pretend,” he said quietly. “I've already figured out that he's the one who hurts you, or at least the princess.”
“Good,” Sokka said, relieved. “Because he's a shit head and I hate pretending he's not. Especially to people I like being around.”
Lee smirked. “You like being around me?”
Sokka blushed deeply. “Umm…yes?” he said, voice cracking. “You're really cool and pretty and smart, you've got really nice bending, and I like your smile.”
Sokka wasn't sure, but he thought Lee looked a little pink under the moonlight.
“...Thanks, Sokka,” Lee said quietly.
Sokka smiled brightly.
He liked it! the boy thought giddily. Take that, Azula, he does find my gay panic charming!
Which was good, considering Lee filled Sokka with quite a bit of gay panic.
“I guess since you already figured out heat bending, we can move onto chi paths,” Lee said.
Sokka nodded vigorously, while Azula looked skeptically at Lee. She still seemed uncertain of the boy, but Sokka was pretty sure most of it was her protective instincts. Azula was fiercely protective of everyone she cared about, and Sokka was lucky enough to be one of them.
Sokka turned his attention back onto Lee as he spoke up again.
“Figuring out the chi paths is the tricky part,” Lee informed them. “I kind of learned it the hard way, but I'm going to try to teach you like they do in Agna Qel'a.”
Sokka’s eyes widened. “You've been to Agna Qel'a?” he asked, awed. He may hate the savages, but that didn't mean he didn't long for someone who could understand his connection to the world that he had left behind. Unfortunately, Lee shook his head.
“No, I've never been,” he told them. “But my friend Navagiaq was from there. He told me about his training.”
“You were friends with a savage?” Azula said, disgusted.
Lee looked at Azula, and then turned to Sokka, tilting his head back and forth slightly as he did so.
“Did you never have a friend in the Water Tribe?” Lee asked. There was no judgement in his tone, and that, more than anything, let Sokka admit exactly what he had left behind.
“Just one,” he said softly. “Most of the tribe really were savages in human form, like the Kóoshdaa káa I learned about as a child. But my little sister, Katara, was never like that.”
Azula looked at Sokka, a question in her eyes. Sokka nodded, and his sister placed a grounding hand on his shoulder.
“The tribe tried to tear us apart,” Sokka admitted. “And they somewhat succeeded. I drew away from everyone to protect myself, but I never stopped loving and protecting Katara, and she never stopped loving and protecting me.”
Lee smiled sadly. “It must have been hard to leave her behind.”
Sokka held back tears. “That's the thing,” he said, voice choked. “It wasn't. It was easy. I miss her, but part of me hates her for always telling on me and getting me punished. And…I can't let go of the fact that she loved the savages with every fiber of her being.
“I guess what I'm saying is that, in the end, she made her choice, and I made mine. I have everything I need and more here in the Fire Nation. I think that if I met Katara now, I wouldn’t feel much for her. I mean, I wouldn't want her to die but…she doesn't mean much to me after everything.”
Lee looked slightly heartbroken by Sokka’s words. The noble thought the other boy was going to argue, but Lee just looked at the ground.
“I'm sorry that that happened, Sokka,” he mumbled. “Family is…difficult. Sometimes they don't deserve your love. Other times, you love them but it hurts more than anything.”
“I don't love her anymore,” Sokka admitted, and part of him was sad to know it was true. “I don't even miss her. I'm not exactly indifferent, but…she's part of a past I don't ever want to go back to. And she hurt me, badly. I know she didn't mean to…but in the end that doesn't always matter.”
Lee nodded. “Yeah,” he muttered. “Sometimes it doesn't.”
Sokka felt a surge of relief at this miraculous boy full of strength and mystery, who somehow seemed to see the core of him. He stared into Lee’s golden eyes, and the other boy stared back. In that moment, there was a silent understanding. A knowledge that they knew the cruelty and indifference of the world, and that they still survived.
Suddenly, Azula cleared her throat, and the moment ended. Sokka looked at the ground, blushing.
“As touching as that was,” she said, “I still want to learn fire healing before I get my skin burned off for the hundredth time.”
Sokka felt horrible. Here he was, thinking about Lee's intense beauty and fascinating personality, while his little sister needed his support.
“Sorry, Zula,” he said, ashamed.
Azula rolled her eyes. “I don't mind too much,” she said. “Especially since it's providing me with entertainment and mochi. But I really would like to get to work now.”
“Of course, Your Highness,” Lee said, looking as ashamed as Sokka felt.
Sokka's little sister groaned. “Just call me Azula,” she grumbled. “I could use another person who treats me like a human rather than a monster or a title.”
Lee smiled slightly at that. “Let's get started then, Azula.”
The princess nodded and the lesson proceeded. It began with Lee using diagrams and models to identify chi paths in the body.
“That's like what Ty Lee does with her chi-blocking,” Azula realized.
Lee blinked. “You know someone else who can chi-block?”
“Yeah,” said Azula, her expression going soft. “It's a rare skill, but Ty Lee's a master and-” the princess paused. “You know chi-blocking too?”
Sokka couldn't help but snicker. Only Azula’s girlfriends could distract her from that sort of information. However, he couldn't deny that as a disaster bisexual (as Azula put it), he had a similar problem. Which led his focus to easily turn back to Lee as the teen started talking again.
The fire healer nodded. “I learned chi-blocking from a friend. And yeah, there's some overlap between chi-blocking and fire healing. After all, you need to know where the chi paths are to block them. It's not exact though.”
Agni, Lee’s got looks, smarts, mystery, sharp edges and fighting ability. Could he get even more perfect? Sokka wondered.
Apparently the answer was “yes,” because as the lesson continued, Lee showed Azula the sort of empathy and understanding that she rarely received. Finally, when Sokka and Azula both started zoning out, Lee stopped the lesson for the day.
“We all need sleep,” he admitted. “But we can keep doing this as often as you want. The more practice the better, especially if you want to get this down quickly.”
Sokka met Azula's eyes, and they had a silent conversation before the princess turned to Lee.
“We'll meet every night, if possible. And we'll leave a note under the loose tile if we need to cancel. You should do the same.”
Lee frowned. “Where's the loose tile?”
Azula showed the scarred teen, while Sokka stared at the handsome firebender.
Agni, even his frowns are attractive.
Sokka was unsure how he was going to survive this friendship- if it actually was a friendship. It probably wasn't there yet, but Sokka would really like it to be. Well, ideally he'd like to be more than friends, but he would need to see if Lee was interested first.
Agni, Sokka hoped Lee would also be interested. Something about this boy seemed special, different than all of the other crushes he had had in the past. So, as he walked away with Azula, he had to ask.
“So what do you think of Lee?”
Azula was silent long enough for Sokka to get nervous, before she finally spoke.
“I approve,” the princess decided. She smiled viciously. “But if he hurts you, I will end him.”
Sokka laughed and wrapped an arm around his sister.
“I'd expect no less,” he said happily.
Sokka had a feeling that with Lee in his life, things were about to change. For better or for worse.
Notes:
Zuko and Azula meet again! I know it's not quite the Azula-Zuko focused chapter you might have been expecting, but never fear! You'll get the first of those Friday. But I hope you enjoyed more of Sokka's simping. If you did, and if you're excited for the Azula-Zuko bonding, then you should enjoy the next several chapters. ;)
Chapter 26: I Miss What We Were, But You Don't Remember
Summary:
Azula and Zuko practice firebending together.
Notes:
Finally, the first Azula-Zuko focused chapter that I know you have all been waiting for! Eat up my greedy little nerds, and I hope you like it! If not, never fear, there is more to come.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Zuko was nervous as he slipped through the corridors to Azula’s sitting room. He hoped nothing would go wrong; that Azula would be willing to spend more time with him. He missed his little sister, and it hurt to see her so suspicious of him. It was like even though both of them had changed, their relationship hadn’t. There was still this distance between them, and if anything, it had grown deeper. And while Zuko was grateful that his sister had other people she was close to, he still longed to repair their relationship, longed to have that closeness with her.
So as Zuko traveled the corridors on his day off, he tried not to let hope consume him. The plan he had built might not work, and there was no use getting his hopes up just to see them break again. No matter how much it hurt to not feel that connection with Azula anymore.
Taking a deep breath, Zuko opened the door to Azula’s sitting room. As he expected, she was inside, curled up on the couch. She was reading a scroll, and Zuko’s heart clenched when he realized what it was. Love Amongst the Dragons. Their play.
Memories of better times flickered through Zuko’s brain. Times before the prison camp, when he would read Azula plays. Times when they would sneak away to act together, laughing and playing for hours. Times when, away from the prying eyes of the palace and the harsh expectations of Ozai, the two of them could act like the siblings they were. Times when they could show that they loved each other, even if it had to be in secret.
Zuko shook off the memories as Azula looked up from her scroll.
“Lee,” she drawled. “Any particular reason you’ve burst in unannounced?”
Zuko felt a pang of fondness for his sister at the predictable response. Sometimes it was good to see that she was still the girl he remembered. His smile was bright as he looked at Azula.
“I came to see you, obviously,” he said.
Azula raised one perfect eyebrow, and set down her scroll. “What do you want from me, then?”
There were a million answers to that question. Zuko wanted her to be happy, he wanted her to be safe. He wanted her friendship and their familial connection back. He wanted Azula to be away from Ozai, and to somehow know who Zuko was without hating him. He wanted to hug his sister and read her plays and play pranks on the guards like they used to. But most of those felt impossible, so instead Zuko went with the explanation she would most easily accept.
“I want your help,” he admitted.
“With what?” the princess asked suspiciously.
Zuko bit his lip. He genuinely did want this, but there was a small part of him, a foolish part, that was ashamed of his weakness. Probably a leftover from his years with Ozai.
“I want to learn firebending,” he told her. “Fighting, I mean, not healing.”
Azula blinked. “You never learned?” she asked, incredulous. “Everybody learns!”
“I learned a little,” Zuko admitted. “But then I…couldn’t, anymore. I want to start learning again.”
Azula narrowed her eyes. “Is this what you want in exchange for the fire healing lessons?” she asked.
“No!” cried Zuko. “No, Azula, I don’t want anything for that. I want to help you, I want to keep you safe.”
Azula breathed out, and it was only then that Zuko realized how tense she had been. “So you just want to learn?” she asked. “You don’t want anything from me?”
Zuko smiled sadly at his sister. “Not everything has to be transactional, Azula. Some people just…care.”
“I know,” Azula said softly. “It’s just…”
The princess trailed off, and Zuko sensed she was finished. But he thought he understood.
“Not a lot of people do care, do they?” Zuko said wearily. “At least, not here. Not now.”
The left side of Azula's mouth twitched upward, in what could barely be called a smile.
“Yeah,” she said. “Something like that.”
“You might not trust my intentions,” Zuko said. “I get that. It’s hard. But I really do want to be your friend, and I really do care.”
Azula hummed, considering. “Okay,” she finally said. “I’ll teach you.” She looked at him. “I’m assuming you’re free now?”
Zuko couldn’t help a giant grin from spreading across his face. “It’s my day off,” he confirmed.
A mischievous look flickered across Azula’s face, and Zuko knew he’d be in for a brutal training session. It warmed his heart to see.
“Well then, Lee,” Azula said with a smirk. “We’d better get to work.”
⽕
Azula had expected Lee to come ask for something. Very few people did things for free, and even if the boy seemed kind, that didn’t mean he didn’t just want the princess’s favor. Yet she could hear the honesty in Lee’s tone when he told Azula that he truly only wanted to help. Azula wasn’t sure she believed it yet, but she figured it was at least worth a shot to try getting closer to the boy.
Besides, she could get some valuable information out of this.
Once the two of them had arrived at the hidden clearing outside the caldera, Azula turned to face Lee.
“So what’s the last kata you learned?” Azula asked. She needed to know what she was working with, after all.
“I was working on the Leaping Lionhare before I had to stop,” the boy informed her.
Azula hummed. That wasn’t as hopeless as she had thought. It was the beginning of the intermediate forms, and in fact it wasn’t unheard of for that to be the limit of someone's training. Azula wondered if Lee was telling the truth about being forced to stop, or if he was just ashamed of reaching a normal plateau in his bending ability. She guessed she would have to see.
“Show me,” Azula demanded.
Nodding, the boy began the form. He bowed, before launching into a series of leaps, kicks, and punches, fire bursting from his clenched fists with every movement. Even from a distance Azula could feel the heat from the massive bursts of fire that Lee sent into the air. Still, the firebender retained tight control over his bending, his flames carefully targeted rather than wild burning. Finally, Lee finished cleanly, landing smoothly from his last leap and breathing out, bringing his hands down as he did until they rested into the flame hand gesture, leading him into a final bow to finish the kata.
Well, well, well, Azula thought. The boy’s form was impressive, not the sloppy attempt she had expected, but the precise movements of a master. It definitely didn’t seem like the performance of an average firebender who reached the limit of their capabilities. No, this spoke more of someone who lost access to their ability to learn.
Very interesting, Azula thought. It seemed Lee was hiding more secrets than she expected. Maybe he belonged in their little group more than she expected.
“When did you stop learning?” Azula asked. Frankly, she didn’t particularly need to know, but Azula liked knowing things. Knowledge was power, knowledge was control. Knowing someone’s secrets was a weapon she could use to protect herself and those she loved.
“I was nine,” Lee admitted.
The confession only piqued Azula’s curiosity more. It wasn’t exceptional to accomplish as much as Lee had at nine, but still above average. At the rate he had been leaning, Lee would likely have become a master already, if something hadn't interfered. What had happened to this boy?
Azula resolved to find out.
“Well, your control and power are sufficient,” Azula admitted. “I suppose you have some potential, if you can learn the next few forms.”
Lee grinned. “Thanks, Azula,” he said.
Azula wondered how Lee could spot the princess's genuine appreciation behind her prickly exterior. It irritated her slightly, knowing that there was a near stranger who could read her so easily. She resolved to make the training session even more difficult, just for the uncomfortable feeling of being so easily tapped.
Azula began the training with a vengeance, drilling Lee relentlessly. She taught him the next kata, before having him repeat it again and again until he was almost perfect.
Next the princess ran him through exercises for firebending control and proper breathing, only to find that he excelled in those areas. So instead she switched to another important area; strength and endurance training. This was more difficult for Lee; his body seemed to know the movements, but he was starved and weakened, relying more on technique and speed than endurance and strength. Luckily, Azula knew several exercises to slowly increase the boy's physical prowess, and she taught the other firebender, sharply correcting his form until he could perform each exercise perfectly.
Azula ran Lee through his paces until the boy was soaked with sweat, his limbs trembling with exertion. Still, she couldn’t help but notice the fierce joy in the boy’s eyes, and the bright smile he wore even as his body started to fail him.
Well, Azula supposed she got her answer, then. She had wanted to see if Lee had the grit and determination to push through something extremely mentally and physically challenging. Apparently, Lee didn’t just persevere, but thrive under the pressure. Azula had to admit she was impressed.
“You did well,” Azula said begrudgingly. “You have strong control, power, and form, but you need to work on your strength and endurance.”
Lee rolled his eyes. “I’m not an idiot, Azula, I already figured that out.”
“I want you to perform the exercises I showed you daily,” Azula told him, “but before we leave, I have one more lesson for the day.”
Lee looked at her, curious. Considering he was barely standing, Azula was sure the fire healer was wondering what exactly the princess expected him to do
“When you reach a certain point of exhaustion, your body will tell you it's reached its limit,” Azula started. “But usually, you still have a decent amount left in you. The best way to teach yourself to move past that is to push your body as hard as possible in that moment for as long as possible, until you physically cannot finish.” Azula gave him a sharp grin. “So we’re going to duel.”
Lee’s eyes widened, clearly taking stock of the way the odds were stacked completely against him. Yet, to Azula’s pleasure, Lee's grin grew wider as he settled into a fighting stance. Azula felt a moment of confusion at his starting position. It was closer to the nonbender forms she had seen Mai and Ty Lee use than a traditional firebending form. Still, the girl shrugged it off. If he failed, it would be another lesson.
So, after announcing the start of the duel, Azula began her attack. She held herself back, trying to stick to a strength that would challenge Lee, but not be completely beyond his abilities at the moment. Still, she refused to make it easy for him, so she started off with two powerful blasts of fire to his chest.
The boy ducked and rolled away from the flames, and was back on his feet in an instant. He then performed an unusual move, settling into a sturdy stance before stomping his right foot and sending out a wave of fire from where his heel landed.
Was that an earthbending move?! Azula wondered as she swerved out of the way. She shook off her wonder, and continued the fight. The princess increased the viciousness of her attack, curious to see whether Lee’s unusual style would hold up in a real fight.
Azula sent out several targeted blasts of flame, and this time, instead of dodging, Lee lifted up an entire wall of fire, catching her fireblasts and consuming them. This time Azula definitely did freeze, if only for a moment. Whatever had happened to Lee, whatever made him stop getting taught firebending katas, the boy hadn’t actually stopped learning to fight. Instead, he had learned firebending from earthbenders, taking their moves and modifying them to work with firebending instead.
Azula felt a wide grin cross her face as the possibilities set in. As she did so, she increased the violence of her attacks. Fire met fire as the two battled, and Azula was excited to see that Lee hadn’t just learned from earthbenders. A significant amount of his technique had been taken from various nonbender fighting styles, with a decent amount of waterbending to finish it off.
Regardless, despite the unusual style keeping Azula off guard, the fact remained that Lee was exhausted. Bit by bit, his body started to fail. Instead of stopping, however, Azula simply weakened her onslaught, continuing to push Lee at a level he could handle. Finally, after half an hour of fighting, the boy collapsed, his legs giving out beneath him.
Lee panted on the ground, his body splayed out. Sweat poured down his face as Azula walked up to him. Lee opened his eyes and looked at her, breathing heavily. The boy looked beyond exhausted, and Azula finally felt satisfied.
“That was better than I expected,” Azula admitted.
Lee grinned brightly. “You can just admit I impressed you,” he said between heavy breaths.
Azula frowned slightly at being called out. It was still irritating, the way that Lee always seemed aware of what Azula was thinking. It made her feel on edge, uncertain and weakened, one of her most powerful weapons- her impressive ability to lie and deceive- rendered useless by a boy she barely knew.
Still, there was very little point hiding it anymore, so Azula confirmed Lee's suspicions.
“Fine,” Azula said. “You impressed me.” She paused, looking over the boy analytically. “You know, when you said you stopped learning firebending katas, you never mentioned that you didn’t stop learning firebending.”
A mischievous look flickered across Lee’s face. “Yes, but then I wouldn’t be able to see your expression when you saw me bending.”
“You do realize we were fighting when it happened?” Azula pointed out. “I doubt you noticed much about my expression.”
Lee shrugged. “Okay, fair. But it was still fun to mess with you like that.”
Azula blinked. “Was this a prank?” she asked. “Did you just prank me?”
“I would never!” gasped Lee, his face filled with false indignation. He kept up the expression for a few minutes, before bursting into laughter. Azula scowled, but it only made Lee laugh harder. Eventually, Azula couldn’t help a small smile from covering her face.
“If you’re going to do that sort of thing,” Azula started, “we may as well do it together.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard you like to mess with the staff,” Lee said, casually.
“You don’t…you don’t care?” Azula said hesitantly. She was more than aware that her ‘pranks’ were often cruel. But Lee only looked at her seriously.
“I’ve told you, you don’t need to hide from me,” Lee said. “Sometimes, you have to do what’s necessary to survive.”
Lee really was annoyingly observant. It was as impressive as it was irritating.
“Can I ask you something?” Azula finally said.
Lee nodded.
“Why aren’t you afraid of me?” Azula asked, quietly.
Lee was quiet for a second, considering. Then he spoke. “I’m not afraid, because I know what it’s like to have to choose between survival and morality. I can’t blame you for your choice, when I know how hard it is to live with these decisions.”
Azula felt an unexpected surge of appreciation for the other boy. She couldn’t honestly say she fully trusted him, but…it was a start. So she held out a hand for Lee to take, and helped lift the exhausted servant to his feet.
“We’ll meet again on your next day off,” she declared. “I expect you to work on your exercises.”
Lee smiled. “I wouldn’t have asked you to teach me if I wasn’t willing to work for it,” he said honestly.
A smile slowly made its way across Azula’s face. “Good,” she said. “Because you’ve got a lot to learn.”
Then she paused. Azula still wasn’t particularly comfortable admitting weakness, but she knew that becoming more powerful was essential. So she met Lee’s eyes, and dared to ask for help.
“And if we’re doing this…could you teach me your way of bending?” Azula asked quietly.
Lee beamed. “I’d love to,” he said, with such sincerity that Azula wasn’t sure what to do. It seemed more and more that Lee didn’t want anything from Azula but to be her friend. And, despite having Mai, Ty Lee and Sokka, Azula still wasn’t used to people caring. It was much more frequent that people were afraid, only approaching her to gain favor in the court.
Yet as Azula thought of it, she realized that, in this case, such a thing was impossible. Lee was a servant, and everyone knew that relationships or friendships between social classes were forbidden. If Lee wanted to learn bending, there were much safer ways to do it than asking the crown princess. So Azula had to face that, most likely, Lee simply wanted to be her friend.
Even so, the princess didn’t understand why. Azula knew she wasn’t a good person, she knew she wasn’t pleasant or kind. Yet somehow, she had still found people who saw the good in her. Azula might not understand it, but she was still grateful. So, even though she hadn’t fully accepted Lee’s friendship, it was with a deep seated sensation of hope that she returned to the palace with Lee at her side.
Notes:
This late night update was brought to you by another episode of "I forgot I needed to post a chapter until 10 pm."
Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter! More fluffy shenanigans to come next post, so pop back in Tuesday to see that! I won't spoil, but I think you'll like it ;)
Chapter 27: I'll Show You I Care, If You'll Let Me
Summary:
Sokka and Zuko spend the day together.
Chapter Text
Zuko fidgeted nervously as he put on his usual robes. He kind of wished he had something nicer to wear, something that would make him look pretty despite his ugliness. The firebender looked himself over in the mirror one last time. He frowned at the sight of his hollowed cheeks and vicious looking scar.
No chance someone like Sokka could find me pretty, Zuko thought regretfully. Then he shook off the thought. It didn't matter that Sokka didn't like him back. Zuko knew who he was, he knew what he stood for, and that was enough. He didn't need anyone else's validation.
With that thought still in his mind, Zuko straightened his robes and left his cramped bedroom.
The teen immediately headed for the mess hall- no, the kitchen. He sure wasn't going to turn down a meal after years of starvation, and besides, he had to slip more food for his stash. Plus, he was pretty sure all the other servants would track him down just to force feed him breakfast if he tried to skip.
Zuko entered the kitchen and immediately headed for the breakfast table, filling up a small plate with ngo hiang. To his right, he saw Akari open her mouth, so he turned to face her, watching her lips.
“Lee!” Akari said. “I'm glad you're here. Hatsumi is getting married, and she’s been freaking out about the hairstyle she wants to wear. It's been driving me insane.”
“Ummm… I could probably do something,” Zuko offered.
Every face at the table turned to Zuko in surprise and relief.
“Please tell me you're not joking,” Akari pleaded.
“I'm not,” Zuko promised. “When I was in prison, I knew a guy who knew how to make lots of intricate hairstyles, and he taught me a lot.”
“Oh, thank Agni,” Akari said. “What do you think, Hatsumi?”
Hatsumi looked doubtfully at Zuko. “Could you show me what you can do later?”
Zuko nodded, and the whole table seemed to sag with relief.
“Oh, and congratulations, Hatsumi,” Zuko said.
Hatsumi beamed at Zuko.
“Thanks, Lee,” she said. “I'm so happy my boyfriend proposed. He's just so perfect, and handsome, and-”
Hatsumi then continued to go on a long rant about how much she loved her fiance. The rest of the table were rolling their eyes, but still looked fondly at the other servant. Zuko could see why. It was sweet how deeply in love Hatsumi was. He found himself smiling softly at her, basking in the other servant's happiness. Still, he had a friend to meet, so after he finished his meal, Zuko stood up.
“Sorry, I've got to go,” Zuko told them. The group looked at the firebender, surprised.
“Since when do you have anywhere to be?” one servant asked bluntly. The rest of the group glared at him.
“Shut up, Choji,” Akari groaned
“Hey, I know you're curious, too!” Choji protested.
“Yeah, but at least I have some tact,” Akari said.
She turned to Zuko. “Where are you headed off to, Lee?”
“A friend invited me out,” Zuko said.
Akari smirked. “A friend, eh?”
Zuko blinked at her. “That's what I said.”
Choji rolled his eyes. “Lee was literally raised in prison, I don't know why you expect him to understand social cues.”
“Choji!” Akari said, smacking him on the arm.
“What, it's true!” Choji complained.
“That doesn't mean you have to say it!”
Zuko rolled his eyes. “I'm leaving now. You can sort out…whatever this is by yourself.”
“Bye Lee,” Akari said cheerfully. “Have a nice date-I mean day!”
Zuko smiled as he walked out of the kitchen. The other staff members would never replace his real family, but he still liked how much they cared. Even if they didn't fully understand him.
⽕
Zuko met Sokka outside the palace walls. The other boy was wearing simple clothing, unadorned by his usual gold trim and rich fabrics. It didn't make Sokka any less attractive, with his golden eyes and rich brown skin. Zuko shook that thought off. It wasn't helpful, not when there wasn't a single chance Sokka felt the same.
“So, what's the plan for today?” he asked.
Sokka grinned at him. “Shopping!” the other boy said happily.
Zuko stared blankly at the other firebender. “Sokka, I'm broke,” he pointed out.
“And that, my dear, is why I'm paying,” Sokka said.
“There's still a major problem with your little plan,” Zuko told him. “You're a noble, and I'm a palace servant. Even with those clothes, I'm sure the people at the market will recognize you. It's not safe for me.”
“I know,” said Sokka, his enthusiasm unimpeded. “That's why we'll be going to a smaller market on the next island over.”
Zuko still hesitated. “You sure, Sokka? I don't want you to feel obligated to buy me stuff.”
“Lee, you underestimate how much I love shopping,” Sokka said seriously. “Besides, I like getting things for the people I care about.”
“Okay,” Zuko relented. He smirked. “But we're getting sizzle-crisps.”
“As long as we also get mochi,” Sokka said. “Azula scammed me out of mine.”
“Yeah, seems in character,” Zuko admitted.
Sokka sighed. “She ate the whole box in front of me.”
Zuko smiled sadly. “Reminds me of Simran,” he said softly.
“Who's that?” Sokka asked quizzically.
“She was someone I met as a kid,” Zuko said quietly. “She was like a mother to me.”
“And she scammed people?”
Zuko grinned. “Oh, she scammed so many people. Everybody learned the hard way never to bet against Simran.”
“I'd love to meet her someday,” Sokka said.
Zuko shuttered off his expression. “No. That's not possible.”
“...Oh,” Sokka said, realization blooming in his eyes. “I'm sorry Lee.”
“Yeah,” Zuko said softly. “Me, too.”
⽕
The mood was brought down for a bit after Zuko's confession, but after they reached the market, the two cheered up again.
“So, where do you want to go first?” Sokka asked, practically skipping. His enthusiasm was oddly endearing, and Zuko found himself giving the boy a small smile before he responded.
“Your choice,” he said. “I haven't gone shopping in years”
Sokka gasped in mock horror. “This must be rectified immediately!”
Zuko smirked. “Okay, take me away, oh Lord Sokka.”
Sokka turned his nose up. “You will bow before my noble-blooded shopping prowess.”
When the two met each other's eyes, they started giggling.
“Okay,” said Sokka once they had finished laughing. “We should start with street food.”
Zuko smiled. “You think about food a lot.”
Sokka shrugged. “Well, I didn't get a lot as a kid. I'm making up for it now.”
That made sense, but Zuko couldn't help but feel that another part of Sokka’s reasoning was to help get Zuko to a healthier weight. Still, it felt a lot better coming from someone who had experienced the same, and without Sokka actually commenting on Zuko's weight or eating. The older firebender had already had too much of that.
“Okay,” Zuko agreed.
“Any preferences?” Sokka asked. “Other than your sizzle-crisps, of course.”
Zuko grinned. “The spicier the better,” he said eagerly. By Agni, he had missed the burning spiciness of Fire Nation food while he was in prison, and he was going to make up for it as much as possible.
“Well then,” Sokka said, “one round of delicious pain coming up.”
“What?” Zuko smirked. “Spices too much for your sophisticated palate to handle?”
Sokka narrowed his eyes. “Oh, you'll regret saying that,” he said.
Zuko looked Sokka over carefully. “Want to make a bet?”
A grin slowly spread over Sokka's face. “What are the terms?”
“We both sample the spiciest foods the market has to offer, increasing the heat each time. The first person to chicken out and ask for milk to cool the heat loses.”
“And the prize?”
Zuko considered. He didn't have a lot to offer. Then he thought of something that would work.
“Winner gets to decide the last activity of the day,” he said.
“You’ve got a deal, gorgeous,” Sokka declared.
Zuko blinked. “Gorgeous?” he said in a small voice.
“Um, is that okay?” Sokka asked nervously.
“I just…didn't realize anyone could see me like that.”
“Are you kidding?” Sokka said incredulously. “You're the most beautiful person I've ever met!”
Zuko laughed bitterly. “Must not have met too many people.”
“Lee,” Sokka said seriously, “you are literally stunning. I've seen thousands of people and no one has ever come close.”
“Really?” asked Zuko in a small voice.
“Really,” Sokka promised.
Zuko let out a small smile. “Well, as long as you mean it…I'd like it if you kept calling me that.”
Sokka grinned at him. “I'm glad, gorgeous. Now come on! We've got a day to spend together and a bet for me to win!”
“You mean a bet to lose miserably,” Zuko corrected with a smirk.
“Oh, it's on,” Sokka declared.
With that, the two were off. They ordered small samples of the spiciest street foods available, careful of Zuko's shrunken stomach. They even asked vendors to increase the spice level once it became clear that both of them were unbothered. Finally, Zuko's full stomach declared the challenge over without a winner or even a single truly suffering contestant.
“I'm impressed,” Sokka said. “How'd you get such a spice tolerance?”
Zuko shrugged. “I've always enjoyed my food spicy. It's never really bothered me. How about you?”
Sokka smiled, his gaze distant as he spoke. “When I got here, I had terrible spice tolerance; Water Tribe food is nothing like in the Fire Nation. But the food was so good that I suffered through more and more spicy deliciousness before I started to enjoy the burn and it stopped bothering me.”
“So hard work versus natural talent,” Zuko summarized.
“Eh,” Sokka shrugged. “Something like that. Now come on! We've got so much more to see!”
The noble proceeded to drag Zuko to lots of different stalls. Some were clearly just for his personal interest, like the trinket shop and the stall offering crafting tools. However, Zuko didn't fail to notice that most of the other boy's purchases were things for Zuko. Sokka would take him to different stalls, and he had clearly learned to read Zuko, because they'd always leave the shop with whatever piece Zuko had been eyeing the most. He ended up with a thick, soft quilt, a plush pillow, a dozen new robes, a pai sho board, and, to his delight, a handful of hair care products. It was all awfully sweet, but it did make Zuko feel rather guilty.
“Sokka, you don't need to do this for me,” Zuko told him.
“Nope, too late,” Sokka said. “It's happening. Besides, you need stuff, and I love shopping and have more money than I know what to do with. We're a match made in the spirit world.”
Zuko smiled at him. “I guess we are.”
He knew Sokka was just saying that as friends, but by Tui and La did Zuko wish it could be more. Still, he blushed brightly at the statement, especially when Sokka beamed at him.
“Now come on, beautiful,” Sokka said. “We've got more stuff to see.”
Happily, Zuko followed Sokka, before he froze. Next to him, there was a theater store. It had dozens of scrolls, but what really caught Zuko's eye was the mask.
It was the mask of the Blue Spirit, from Zuko's favorite play, Love Amongst the Dragons. The one Ursa used to like, before Zuko stole the scroll after she had screamed at Azula for accidently knocking Zuko over when they were playing. Ursa’s words were cruel and hurtful, and Azula ran away to cry. So Zuko sneaked into Ursa's room to steal her favorite play, before finding Azula in one of her many hiding spots. He read to his sister to calm her down, until she joined in and they acted out the play. Zuko had played the Blue Spirit, and Azula the Dragon Emperor.
From then on, Zuko would steal from Ursa's collection of scrolls to read to his little sister before bed, the way Ursa always did for him but not her other child. The one they always came back to was Love Amongst the Dragons. It was their play, a symbol of their connection and survival in the face of their parents’ abuse.
Zuko felt a tear slip down his face as he brushed his finger across the painted wooden mask.
“Lee? Are you okay?” came Sokka’s voice.
Zuko jumped before setting into a defensive stance, looking around wildly. When he saw Sokka's concerned face, he took several deep breaths before speaking.
“Please don't sneak up on me,” he said. “Especially from behind.” Then he paused considering. “Or from my left side.”
“I'm so sorry, Lee,” said Sokka, looking guilt stricken.
Zuko nodded, but said nothing, his emotions still heightened and confused. He didn't trust that if he spoke, he wouldn't scream out every awful thing he was thinking, and Sokka didn't deserve that. Instead, Zuko took deep breaths. As he did so, he stared at the Blue Spirit mask, tracing the white markings on the blue surface.
“Can I get this?” he finally asked Sokka, turning around to read the other boy’s lips.
Sokka gave him a small smile. “I wasn't going to leave this stall without it. Not when it clearly means so much to you.”
With Sokka's words, Zuko beamed, the sort of bright smile he rarely showed.
Sokka cares. I don't know why, but he really, really does. He's doing all this just to make me happy and my life better.
It was rare that Zuko found people who really cared. Cared not just about the person he was on the surface, but the whole of him, broken, twisted pieces and all.
“Thank you, Sokka,” Zuko breathed.
Sokka smiled gently back at Zuko. “Of course. Anything for you.”
Zuko continued to smile at the beautiful firebender. He was somehow even more gorgeous when he was smiling at Zuko like that, all soft and sweet.
Zuko was too pig-chicken to say that, though. So instead, the firebender continued to peruse the shelves of the theater store, excitedly talking about plays as Sokka looked fondly at him. In the end, the two walked out of the shop with a dozen theater scrolls and bright smiles on both of their faces.
The sun was slowly starting to set, and the two agreed to hit one more stall before doing the last activity they had agreed on together (the bet was a tie, after all). It was easily Zuko's second favorite shop, only beaten by the theater store. He eagerly eyed the collection of knives, before his eyes caught on something wonderful. A pair of dual dao swords hung on the wall, looking elegant and dangerous. Unfortunately, both he and Sokka quickly came to the same conclusion.
“Low quality,” Sokka whispered to Zuko, who nodded. These weapons were bound to break at the first hit. Regretfully, the two sighed and made their way out of the shop.
The two walked side by side in comfortable silence as they made their way up a grassy hill filled with wildflowers. Once they reached the top, the two flopped down on the grass to watch the sun set over the beautiful ocean.
The pair were quiet for a bit, unwilling to break the peaceful spell of the grassy hill and the setting sun. Eventually, though, the words Zuko needed to speak came out.
“This was nice,” he admitted softly.
Sokka turned away from the sunset to stare fondly at Zuko. From the look on his face, it was almost as if he was still staring at something as beautiful as the view in front of them.
“It was perfect,” Sokka agreed. “Thank you.”
“For what?” Zuko wondered. “You were the one that bought me everything.”
“Thank you for being here,” Sokka said softly. Zuko was taken aback by the sincerity in his voice.
Here, in the quiet, peaceful beauty of the hill and the sunset and the sea, Zuko was suddenly struck with a realization. He had had crushes before, but Sokka felt different, and Zuko hadn't been sure why. Until now. Now he understood why Sokka made him feel whole in a way Zuko had never been. Why Sokka made him happy and peaceful, and complete. Why it seemed like things would always be okay, as long as they were together.
I love him, Zuko realized.
He did, too. The feeling had snuck up on him somewhere between Sokka's stuttering and kind eyes and sweet words. Zuko didn't recognize it, though. Not until now. Not until his whole being sang just to be in Sokka's presence. Just like it did for Azula. This connection was different, though. With Sokka, Zuko couldn't help but picture things he had never wanted before. Sokka's callused hands in his, sweet kisses and the other boy playing with Zuko's long hair.
Zuko wanted Sokka in a way he had never wanted anyone, and it scared him. Still, maybe it would be worth it, if he could keep having moments like this. Moments with the silence and the sunset and the sea, and the calming presence of the man he loved by his side.
The two sat there together in silence, before Sokka turned to face Zuko. There was an intensity in his gaze that took Zuko’s breath away.
“You're perfect,” Sokka breathed. “Everything feels right when I'm with you.”
“I…feel it, too,” Zuko admitted softly.
Sokka looked deeply into Zuko's eyes. “Then… will you kiss me?”
“Yes,” breathed Zuko.
Sokka moved forwards. He gently cupped Zuko's face, touching him like he was the most precious thing imaginable. Their lips met. It was soft and sweet and perfect. Sokka's lips tasted of spices and sugar, and his skin was warm against Zuko's hands. Zuko deepened the kiss, losing himself in the taste and feel of Sokka's lips against his. Finally, the two drew away. Sokka pressed his forehead against Zuko's.
“I've never met anyone like you, Lee,” he admitted.
“Is that…good?” asked Zuko quietly.
Sokka smiled. “With you? Definitely.”
Slowly, Zuko smiled back. “Can I kiss you again?” he asked.
Sokka beamed. “I thought you'd never ask,” he said.
Then they were kissing, and Sokka’s hands were in Zuko's hair, and there was a fire in Zuko as he kissed the other boy again and again, the need only growing in him each time. Sokka kissed back just as fiercely, just as passionately, as they clung to each other tightly, wrapped up so deeply in each other's arms that Zuko could almost forget where Sokka ended and he began.
Suddenly, Zuko realized something. He drew away.
“Wait…was this supposed to be a date?”
Sokka snorted. “You just figured that out?”
Zuko blushed. “Maybe?”
Sokka smirked. “I'll have to be more explicit, then.”
The other boy's gaze turned serious as he held Zuko’s hand in his own. “Lee, would you do me the honor of being my boyfriend?”
Zuko stared deeply into Sokka's golden eyes.
“Yes,” he breathed.
Sokka smiled at him with such overwhelming joy that Zuko couldn't help but lean over and kiss him (after asking). Sokka responded with just as much tenderness and passion, before they finally drew apart.
The two smiled gently at each other, and, hand and hand, made their way down the hill and towards the ferry.
Zuko knew the world was dark. The world was uncaring. But right now, with his hand in Sokka's, everything felt right. And for the first time in years, Zuko knew peace.
Notes:
I'm not a huge fan of slow burn- I find it too frustrating to wait forever just for the characters to get together at the very end of the story. So instead, you get a bit of buildup before cute fluffy Zukka time! Tell me what you think, if you want, and I'll see you Friday!
Chapter 28: Everything Burns Here (It Doesn't Have To)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Azula had to admit that Lee had grown on her in the past few months. He was fun to practice bending with; always eager to learn from her, and expanding Azula's understanding of firebending every time they practiced. Lee was also kind and helpful during both fighting and healing lessons, even though fire healing turned out to be one of the most difficult things Azula had ever learned. The technique just didn't make sense to her. Fire was destruction and burning-
Burning, always burning, everyone burns here-
Fire wasn't healing. It wasn't kindness or softness. Those were just more things that burned to ashes here in the palace.
Burned like me, burned like Zuko. Burning hands, burning lightning, burning, always burning-
How could such a destructive force also be healing? Azula didn't understand, and it showed in her struggle to learn the technique. Still, there was some sort of peace in the idea that her bending could heal, could be softness and kindness instead of the burning rage and sharp edges she knew it to be.
Maybe if Azula learned healing, she wouldn't have to be so afraid. Afraid that with every kata mastered, every milestone passed, every time she was forced to press burning hands onto her servants and guards, that she was being consumed by the fire and burning and cruelty.
Just like her father, just like her father, just like her father-
So yes, there was something hopeful about Lee. Something hopeful about the idea that this burning inside her didn't have to hurt. In a way, the scarred boy kind of reminded her of Zuko. Lee held the same darkness and burning, but just like Zuko, he chose kindness and gentleness. And, judging by his face, Lee had also burned.
It made Azula wonder what Zuko would have been like if he had survived. Would he have continued to hold onto kindness in a cruel world, or would he have been consumed by the dark edges and the burning?
Azula didn't know. Still, she wouldn't have been able to blame Zuko if he did break under the pressure. After all, Azula nearly had many times. At least now she had Mai, Ty Lee and Sokka to help pull her back from the brink.
All the same, Azula was a bit uncertain about the new boy. After all, Sokka was clearly heads over heels in love with Lee, and the princess still had to make sure the servant would treat Sokka right. So Azula crept through the hallways, silently following Lee as the boy made his way back to his room. When Lee made his way inside, Azula opened the door after him and let herself in.
She was surprised to see Lee standing there, waiting for her. Maybe she shouldn't have been, though. The boy seemed to be keeping a lot of things close to his chest. It was part of the reason that, despite her desires, Azula didn't fully trust the other firebender. Still, Lee's body language appeared worried, rather than threatening.
“What do you need, Azula?” he asked, concerned.
“Who says I need anything from you?” Azula said.
Lee sighed. “You still don't fully trust me, so you wouldn't have followed me through the palace and into a secluded area if you didn't want something.”
“You really are surprisingly intelligent for a servant,” Azula noted.
Lee scowled. “I'm sorry, you think you're inherently better than the servant who invented a new subtype of bending at fifteen?”
Azula hesitated, and Lee pressed the advantage.
“I know you don't have experience around the lower classes, but let me tell you now; class is decided by the chance of your birth, not your abilities.”
Azula thought about that. She supposed it was fair. After all, most nobles were born into their titles, and got better training and high ranking positions because of it. So maybe most differences in skill could be explained by the resources each person had access to.
Azula sighed. “I suppose you must be right,” she admitted. “After all, you're the only servant I've really met, and you're almost as talented as me and my friends.”
Lee smirked at her. “Almost?” he said. Clearly he was aware that Azula recognized and admired his abilities, even if she rarely admitted it. Still, the princess had a reputation to uphold, so Azula sniffed imperiously.
“Until I see you master firebending, almost will have to do,” she proclaimed.
Lee shrugged at her, his lips twitching at Azula's predictable- if ingenuine- response.
“Fair enough,” he said. “You and Sokka are incredibly talented.”
Azula watched as Lee's eyes grew softer at the thought of his boyfriend.
Good, Azula thought. He has proper appreciation for Sokka's specialness.
“So, Lee,” Azula started. “I heard you and my brother have been dating.”
Lee smiled softly. “Yeah,” he said fondly. “Sokka is incredible.”
“He is, isn't he?” Azula said. She paused. “I'm not convinced you deserve him.”
Lee smiled wryly at her. “I'm not convinced, either,” he admitted. “But Sokka can make his own decisions.”
“Indeed,” said Azula. “And for some reason, he has decided on an indentured servant who spent seven years in prison.”
Lee sighed. “Yeah, should've figured you'd find that out. Stalked me, did you? Or the rest of the servants? I know you wouldn't ask directly, even with threats that's too risky.”
Azula scowled at the boy who understood her thought process a little too well for her liking.
“Yes,” she admitted. “And yet no one knows how you got into prison at nine years old. Or where you served your sentence. Or how long you have to be an indentured servant.”
It made it harder still for Azula to trust him, despite how much she wanted to.
“The situation is classified,” Lee said wearily.
Azula glared at Lee. “I am the princess of the Fire Nation,” she hissed. “Nothing's classified to me.”
Lee smiled fondly at her. “You don't like not knowing something like this, do you?”
Azula felt another spark of irritation at being so easily pegged by someone she barely knew. At the same time, though, she couldn't help but be a bit impressed. Lee always seemed to ride that fine line every time he called her out.
“Here's what I think,” Azula said. “Someone has to be very, very dangerous and do something very, very bad to end up in prison at age nine. And it must be awful enough that you know you'll be judged if you share.
“Now normally, I couldn't care less. But you are living in my home, dating my brother, teaching us both, and trying to be my friend. You are a threat, and that's not acceptable. You know what I do with threats, Lee?” Azula whispered. “I remove them.”
Lee stood there, impressively unbothered by Azula's warning, even though the princess was sure he knew how deeply she meant it.
“That scenario is one way my situation could occur,” Lee admitted.
Azula narrowed her eyes. “And another option would be?”
Lee met Azula's eyes, and the princess was taken aback by the fierce, burning fire in the other teen’s golden eyes.
“The other option is you piss off someone important. And you can't share because the important person wants to cover it up,” Lee said bitterly.
Azula blinked. That…was not what she had been expecting, but the grief and anger in Lee's voice didn't lie.
“Did they deserve it?” she found herself asking.
Lee nodded vigorously. “More than anything.”
“And was it worth it?” Azula questioned.
Lee smiled bitterly. “No.”
The two sat in silence together for a minute.
“What did they threaten you with to keep quiet?” she asked.
Lee looked at her, a deep, dark grief in his eyes. “The lives of everyone I love.”
“...Oh.”
“Yeah,” Lee said heavily. “So I can't tell you.”
Azula found herself nodding. “This person…will they take out their anger on my brother if they find out?”
Lee sighed. “Probably. But we're in a same sex relationship with a class difference. We'd be in trouble anyways. Sokka knows that.”
That was true, but still…
“You should tell him,” Azula said to Lee. “Tell him what you can. Let him decide if he wants to leave.”
And there it was. The fear on Lee’s face at the thought. Ugh, Azula knew what she had to do. She may still be on the fence about Lee, but he made her brother incredibly happy, and that was important.
“Sokka is literally head over heels in love with you,” Azula informed Lee. “And he's loyal to the Fire Nation, but he's loyal to his friends first. He's not going to leave over this. But keeping secrets will push him away.”
There was a darkness in Lee's eyes as he responded. “Everyone keeps secrets here,” he said.
“Yes,” Azula admitted, because what was the point in lying? “But you shouldn't keep secrets from the people you love.”
Agni, how was Azula the person telling him this? Still, Lee clearly needed to hear it. Even so, Azula’s (or Sokka's) wisdom didn't seem to hit.
“I am made of secrets,” Lee whispered. “I always have been.”
“You don't have to be, you idiot!” Azula snapped.
“You don't understand,” Lee said sadly.
“I understand perfectly,” Azula told him. “You're too scared that people will push you away to be honest.”
“I have to!” Lee snapped. “If I share, people will die!”
“So you've never had someone you trusted to keep your secrets?” Azula asked. “Someone you still lied to, because you were afraid?”
Lee stared at her, trapped, and Azula knew for a fact she was right. The princess sighed.
“Sokka loves you,” she said. “Sooner or later, you'll have to let him know.”
Lee looked down at the floor. Clearly this was a truth the boy was unable to face.
“Hey, Pretty Boy,” Azula said, snapping her fingers. “Look at me.”
Lee looked up, his bright gold eyes meeting Azula’s burnt gold ones.
“Sokka is my brother. Hurt him, and I will end you,” Azula hissed.
“I bet you would,” Lee said wryly. “But I promise you, that's the last thing I want.”
Azula huffed. “We'll see,” she said darkly.
With that, the princess stormed out of the small room and away from the boy that, despite her best efforts, she did not understand. Even if she found, more and more, that she wanted to.
ᐃᒻᓂᖅ
Sokka waited eagerly on the hill for his boyfriend to show up. It was Lee’s day off, and Sokka had arranged the perfect gift for their one month anniversary. Finally, the firebender saw his boyfriend climbing up the hill. The boy shot Sokka a smile as soon as he saw him.
“Hey, Starlight,” Lee said.
“Can I hug you?” Sokka asked. Lee always liked people asking first. As expected, the other boy shot him a fond smile.
“Of course.”
Now that he had permission, Sokka wrapped his boyfriend in a loving embrace. His body was bony against Sokka’s, but still warm and comfortable as Lee eased into the hug.
“Happy month-a-versary, beautiful,” Sokka said.
“You, too,” Lee said.
When they finally pulled away, the two sat down together on the hill.
“So, what’s the plan for today?” Lee asked with a smile.
Sokka was practically vibrating with excitement. “I’ll show you in a minute, but first, presents!”
Lee rolled his eyes fondly. “You like things too much.”
“I like you too much, Sunshine,” Sokka said. “And I can’t wait to see what you think of my gift.”
Lee fidgeted nervously. “It’s probably going to be better than mine,” he admitted.
“I’m sure I’ll love whatever you give me,” Sokka assured him. “It’s from you.”
Lee turned an adorable red color at that. “Well, here then,” he said, handing Sokka a poorly wrapped bundle. Eagerly, Sokka got to unwrapping it. He gasped at what he found inside. It was a simple necklace, clearly made by Lee himself. The string was made from leather, and the pendant was a turtleduck roughly carved from bone.
“It’s beautiful,” Sokka whispered, tracing the charm.
Lee smiled at him, before pulling his shirt down to show he was wearing a similar necklace. It had the same leather string and bone charm, but the animal hanging from the end was a dragon. Seeing Lee’s necklace, Sokka understood the significance.
“You’ve got my favorite animal, and I’ve got yours,” Lee confirmed. “So we’ve always got a piece of each other.”
“Did you make them yourself?” Sokka asked, awed.
Lee nodded. “Navagiaq, my adoptive dad, was from the water tribe. He knew how to carve and he taught me with knives I stole from the guards.”
Sokka froze at that. Something Lee said stood out to him. “Guards? Lee…where did you grow up?”
Lee hesitated, before quietly admitting, “In prison. I’m here as an indentured servant.”
“What did you do, to end up there so young?” Sokka asked, panicked.
Lee wouldn’t meet his eyes, instead fidgeting with his necklace. “I pissed off someone high up,” he admitted. “So they made me disappear.”
“How old were you?” Sokka asked quietly.
“Nine.”
Sokka breathed in sharply. “Agni, Lee, I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“Yeah,” Lee choked out. “Me, too.”
The two were quiet for a minute, before Lee spoke up. “Do you…view me differently?” he asked in a small voice.
“No,” Sokka promised. “I know who you are, and this doesn’t change that. It just makes me want to set Azula on whoever sent you there.”
Lee cracked a smile. “Tempting, but probably not a good idea.”
“Why not?” asked Sokka.
“Because they threatened to kill everyone I love if I tell anyone the details of what really happened.”
Intense rage sparked through Sokka. How dare someone do this to the wonderful boy in front of him? Lee had clearly been through terrible things because of this person, and Lee couldn’t even share what he had suffered.
“Lee, I’m so sorry that that… monster did that to you. You deserved better.”
“I know,” Lee whispered.
The two sat in a painful silence for a minute, before Sokka spoke up.
“Well, it's still our one month anniversary,” he said, “and you haven't even seen your gift yet. Trust me, you're going to love it.”
With that, Sokka handed over his carefully wrapped bundle, practically vibrating with excitement.
Bemused, Lee opened the package, only to gasp at what he found. It was a small collection of knives and, in the middle, a set of dual dao swords.
Sokka watched as Lee reverently unsheathed them, his eyes widening with amazement as he noticed the pure black color of each blade.
“They're beautiful,” he whispered. “They're just like yours.”
“Yeah,” Sokka said, grinning. “I didn't use up all the meteorite when I made my sword. I was saving it for something important, and after I saw how you reacted to the knives and dual dao in the weapons shop on our first date, I knew exactly what to do with them.”
“This is perfect, Sokka, thank you,” Lee said, his eyes soft.
Sokka grinned. “I'd hope so, because I was thinking that today, we could spar!”
A smile slowly spread across Lee's face. “Oh, it's on,” he said happily.
With that, the other boy strapped the collection of knives to various spots under his robes, before putting the dual dao over his shoulders and unsheathing the blades. Sokka was impressed to see how confidently Lee handled the weapons.
Sokka unsheathed his own sword, and the two faced each other, each settling into a fighting stance.
“Ready?” Sokka asked.
Lee grinned at him. “You're going down, Sokka,” he declared.
Then it was on. Sokka rushed towards Lee, slashing at the boy's legs. Lee blocked him with one sword, striking at Sokka's arm with the other. Sokka parried, countering with a blow towards the arm. This time Lee dodged, before attempting to sweep Sokka's legs. Sokka easily jumped over the attack, kicking Lee in the chest as he did so.
Lee fell backwards, tucking into a roll then coming up standing. As soon as he was back on his feet, Lee threw one of his knives at Sokka, who barely managed to prevent it from landing in his leg. Even still, he wasn't fast enough to avoid a shallow slice on his thigh. Lee took advantage of Sokka's moment of distraction to rush forwards, sending out a flurry of attacks that Sokka was barely able to counter.
It was like a dangerous dance, their blades meeting in a clash of steel, parrying and slashing and dodging like it was choreographed. Sokka found himself grinning as Lee matched him blow for blow, and from the smile on his boyfriend's face, he was enjoying it as well. The world faded away until there was nothing but the adrenaline and the fight and the fierce grin on Lee's face. Sokka couldn't say how long the fight had gone on, only that he had not faced as talented an opponent since his master, Piandou.
Finally, at long last, Lee disarmed Sokka. The other boy was breathing heavily as he pressed his blades against Sokka's throat.
“I win,” he said, his voice raspy.
Sokka didn't think Lee had ever looked more beautiful than he did in that moment, his long hair tousled from the fight, sweat running down his face and a fierce look of victory as he held Sokka at swordpoint.
Sokka looked at his boyfriend in awe. “Yeah,” he breathed. “You win.”
Lee must have noticed the reverent look on Sokka's face, because he blushed a deep red and sheathed his blades, before collecting the knives he had thrown during the fight.
“Agni, you're good,” Sokka complimented. “Where'd you learn to fight like that?”
“Prison,” Lee replied. Then he paused. “Well, actually I was learning a bit before then, but I really mastered it in prison.”
“Which one of your parental figures taught you that?” Sokka asked curiously.
Lee smiled. “Rani,” he said. “She used to be an assassin, and she was one of the best fighters I've ever met. She taught me everything I know about nonbender fighting.”
“Nonbender fighting?” Sokka asked. “So you know how to fight with firebending, too?”
“Of course,” Lee said. “Although I don’t really use traditional firebending katas; I didn’t have the opportunity to learn until recently.”
“None of your parental figures were firebenders?”
“No,” Lee confirmed. “Navagiaq was a waterbender, Simran was an earthbender, and Rani was a nonbender. But they each taught me some of their forms, and I incorporated it all into my firebending.”
Sokka whistled, impressed. “You must have a really unique style.”
Lee smiled. “Yeah,” he confirmed. “But like I said, I could stand to learn more. Azula’s been helping me catch up on some of my days off.”
“Maybe we could start practicing during our nightly lessons, too!” Sokka suggested.
Lee paused, considering, before he shook his head. “It's a good idea, but I want Azula to at least learn the basics of fire healing first.”
“Right, of course,” said Sokka, feeling stupid. “That's much more important.”
Lee sent Sokka a smile. “It is. But once she's got it down, I'd love to practice and spar with you two more regularly.”
“We should add Mai and Ty Lee,” Sokka suggested. “They're amazing fighters, too.”
“That's a good idea,” Lee said. “I'd love to see them fight. Especially since I haven't spent nearly enough time around Azula's girlfriends.”
Sokka spluttered. “They’re- they're not-”
Lee sent him a dry look. “The three of them are so clearly in love I can see it even with one blind eye.”
Sokka sighed. “Yeah, they are,” he admitted. “Mai, Azula and Ty Lee tone it down a lot around others, but they all seem to trust you.”
“Azula doesn't,” Lee said bitterly. “At least not fully. Otherwise she wouldn't have snuck into my room and threatened to kill me.”
“Oh, that was just her being protective,” Sokka dismissed. “If she really thought you were a threat, she would have set you on fire by now.”
Lee tilted his head, considering. “Yeah, that checks out,” he admitted.
Sokka smiled fondly. “She's great,” he said. “Best little sister ever.”
Lee cracked a smile at that. “Yeah,” he said. “Seems it.”
“Do you have any siblings?” Sokka asked his boyfriend. The other boy’s face closed off.
“I did,” Lee said sadly. “But it's been years. I doubt she'd even recognize me.”
Sokka sighed. “I sort of get that,” he admitted.
“You do?” Lee asked, a fragile hope carrying in his voice.
“Yeah,” Sokka said. “Before Zula, back in the South Pole, I had another little sister. Katara.”
He sighed. “We were growing apart because of how the tribe treated us. I think she built up this image of me that didn't fit anymore. And it's been so many years. She's been living with those Agni-damned savages, and I've been here, surrounded by people who love me. The real me.
“You, Zula, Mai and Ty Lee, my parents, you've all shown me genuine love and happiness. What I had with Katara wasn't the same. I loved her, but there was this divide, one that the tribe forced on us. She never saw the real me. So now that I have embraced who I really am, I think Katara would hate me. And after she spent seven years alone with the savages, I think I'd hate her, too.”
Sokka ran a hand through his hair. “I'm not the same as I was, and I doubt she is, either. She never really recognized me, anyways. If we saw each other now, I don't think there'd be anything left of our connection.”
After asking permission, Lee placed a comforting hand on Sokka's shoulder. “I'm sorry, Starlight,” he said.
Sokka clasped his hand over Lee’s. “Yeah. Me, too.”
The two were quiet for a minute, before Lee spoke.
“I wouldn't hate my sister. I couldn't, and I don't think she'd hate me, either. But…she never really saw me. I didn't want her to. I wanted to keep her safe from our parents and the ways I was being hurt.”
Sokka looked at Lee with a deep sense of understanding and empathy. “I did that, too. The tribe loved Katara, loved all the children but me. I didn't want Katara to have to know how cruel they really were. And I was scared of how she'd see me if she knew.”
“It's hard,” Lee said quietly. “Loving people. Especially when you can't be honest.”
His words made Sokka pause. “You're talking about us, too, aren't you?” he said softly.
Blinking away tears, Lee nodded. “I wish I could tell you. But I'm scared.”
Sokka raised his arms in an invitation, and Lee curled into his embrace. As Sokka held his boyfriend close to his chest, he spoke.
“It's okay to be scared,” he whispered. “But I'm going to be here for you. I love you, Lee.”
Lee drew away, looking deeply into Sokka's eyes. “Really?” he breathed.
Sokka paused, nervous. Was it too soon? He didn't know, but he was certain about how he felt about his boyfriend. He might as well be honest about it.
“I really do love you,” Sokka told Lee. “I've never felt like this about someone before.”
Beaming, Lee asked permission before drawing Sokka into a deep kiss. It was sweet and soft as the older boy seemed desperate for Sokka to feel just how much he cared.
“I love you, too, Sokka,” Lee said softly as he drew away. “You make me feel complete.”
A smile broke across Sokka's face. In that moment, everything felt right. None of his pain or struggles or fears seemed to matter as long as Lee was looking at him like that, like he was the most incredible thing the boy had ever seen.
“I'm going to struggle to be honest and open,” Lee admitted. “All my life I've needed to keep secrets to survive. But I'll try. For you.”
Sokka nodded. He was a bit disappointed, but all the same he understood. When you learn to act one way to survive, it's hard to unlearn.
“I'm going to be here for you Lee,” Sokka swore. “I'm going to stay, Sunshine, I promise.”
Lee wrapped his arms around Sokka again.
“Good,” the older boy whispered.
Smiling, Sokka let himself enjoy the feeling of the boy he loved wrapped up safe in his arms, and the peaceful quiet of the grassy hill.
Notes:
This late night update is, for once, NOT a result of forgetting. Instead, it's a result of today being....a day. Anyways, hope you all enjoyed the chapter!
Chapter 29: Do You Ever Get a Little Bit Tired of Life?
Summary:
Zuko has a bad day.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
It was funny how a life filled with abject horror could become the norm. Every day the sun rose, the birds sang, and Zuko was left at the mercy of the man who had caused all of the pain he had experienced in his short life. That had been his reality ever since he was born, and though the specific location and the tortures changed, the nature of his existence never did.
Things had improved since Zuko had returned to the palace. Nothing here could ever compare to the true terrors of the prison camp. And although he still missed his family like an aching wound, here he had formed new connections. Family, friends, and a wonderful boyfriend. There were times where Zuko felt like he might almost be happy here.
But in the end, the sun rose, the birds sang, and Zuko was left to suffer under Firelord Ozai.
“Are you doing okay, Lee?” Futaba asked from beside Zuko at the breakfast table.
Zuko shrugged. “Are any of us?”
Futaba smiled sadly. “This must be hard for you.”
Zuko felt an unexpected surge of anger. This person knew nothing about what Zuko had been through. She knew nothing of what he had suffered. Who was Futaba to say what hard was?
Still, Zuko knew that wasn’t fair. So he took a deep breath, shoving down the anger before speaking.
“You don’t have to worry about me,” he said. “I can handle this. I’ve always handled this.”
The other servants exchanged concerned glances. They seemed to do that a lot around Zuko.
“You’re too young to know what this sort of pain feels like,” Futaba whispered.
Zuko laughed bitterly. “You’re eleven years too late to save me. So don’t think I can’t handle this kind of life.”
“But you shouldn’t have to,” Futaba said.
“That’s just it,” Zuko said angrily. “None of us should have to. But the world keeps spinning and this keeps happening, and it’s going to keep happening. And no matter who you are, no matter how badly you suffer, the world keeps turning and bad things keep happening. Because the world does not care.”
“The spirits watch out for us,” Futaba placated. “We don’t have much, but we have them.”
No, thought Zuko, we don’t.
Zuko may not know much about spirits, but he knew that they couldn’t be relied upon to save the world. They had the power to help, sure, but it wasn’t that simple. Spirits lived on a different plane of existence from humans, and they had their own concerns, their own purposes. Most couldn’t be bothered to help save the world, and definitely not to save individuals. And just like humans, some of them are good, some of them are bad, some care and some don’t.
“People’s fates don’t lie in the spirits,” Zuko murmured. “We all decide our own destiny.”
Finishing off his meal, Zuko stood up and straightened his robes. He had work to do. As he and the other servants neared the Firelord’s quarters, Zuko cleared all emotions off his face. It was time to face another day of terror and normality. It was time to serve Ozai.
⽕
It was another long day, but eventually dusk came at last. Zuko should have been allowed to retire, but he knew better. Ozai had been vicious the past few weeks, ordering Zuko to stay behind every single night. As much as he hoped otherwise, today was no different.
“Scar Boy,” came Ozai's cold voice. “Stay.”
The looks the other servants sent Zuko when Ozai did this had gotten consistently more concerned. It was obvious to everyone by now that something about Zuko was different. He was the Firelord's favorite plaything once more.
Zuko barely spared the other servants a glance as they walked away, leaving Zuko to his fate. They were helpless, every one of them. Helpless to stop this. Helpless to fix anything in this broken place.
“Attend to me,” came Ozai's cold voice. “You should know your place by now.”
It wasn't a choice, and both of them knew it. Ozai may not burn him when he was like this, but it was a certain kind of torture in itself, to bow down to his own subjugation.
There was no other option, though. Not if Zuko wanted to protect the people he loved. Azula, Sokka, Mai and Ty Lee. Their safety was dependent on Zuko giving in. So, despite every bone in his body wanting to fight, Zuko obeyed, just like the helpless plaything Ozai had made him.
ᐃᒻᓂᖅ
Sokka slipped through the city, heading towards the grassy hill beside the palace. There was a shrine for Prince Lu Ten there, but no one visited it anymore, too worried it would make them seem sympathetic to the “traitor” Iroh. All this made it the perfect meeting spot for Sokka and his boyfriend. Yet when Sokka reached the top, he was greeted by a painful sight. Lee was curled up under the tree, quietly crying.
Hesitantly, Sokka sat next to his boyfriend.
“What's wrong, Lee?” he asked gently.
Lee turned his golden eyes towards Sokka. The usual fire in them had dimmed, and they were streaked with tears.
“I'm tired,” Lee said, his voice hollow. “I'm tired of life.”
Sokka felt a sharp pang of fear jolt through him. He knew this pain intimately, both from Azula and himself, but it still scared him.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Sokka asked.
Lee nodded, but it took several minutes before he began to speak.
“You know how Ozai hurts Azula?” Lee whispered. “Well, he hurts his servants, too. And sometimes, he has…favorites.”
Sokka was struck with horror. “Those burns, the day I met you-”
Lee nodded, blinking tears out of his eyes. “He enjoys hurting people. And he really enjoys hurting me, specifically.”
“Agni, that's fucked up,” Sokka breathed.
Lee laughed harshly. “Welcome to the fucking Fire Nation palace. Everything here's fucked up.”
“Someday it won't be,” Sokka promised. “Azula will take the throne and things will be better.”
“Will they?” Lee asked heavily. “How much can you really fix a system designed to be broken?”
“What do you mean?” Sokka asked him.
Lee sighed. “Just…the Firelord is only one man. It's the systems in place that give him power, the systems in place that allow him and others to hurt people.”
Sokka paused, considering. “Maybe,” he admitted. “But we'll fix them.”
“Sometimes things can't be fixed,” Lee murmured. “Sometimes you have to replace the entire system with something new.”
Sokka nodded. “Like what we're doing with the war.”
Lee hesitated. “I don't think the war’s fixing anything, either,” he said. “Conquering sovereign nations and converting them isn't progress.”
Sokka sighed. “Did I ever tell you about my life in the Southern Water Tribe?”
Lee shook his head.
“It was horrible,” Sokka admitted. “They really are savages. The tribe hated me from day one, just for being Fire Nation. When they found out about my bending, the men of the tribe started regularly beating and raping me.” Sokka blinked back tears as he continued. “I was five.”
“Oma and Shu, Sokka, I'm so sorry,” Lee said.
“Yeah,” Sokka said heavily. “So all things considered, I think the other nations do need to be converted. Sure there are a few assholes here like Ozai, but overall things are good here.”
“I'm glad things are good for you here,” Lee murmured. “But they aren't for everyone.”
Sokka looked sadly at Lee. “Yeah, I guess not. I'm sorry that you have to deal with fucking Ozai.”
“Me too,” whispered Lee. “He's awful, he makes everything awful. Some days I don't want to live anymore.”
There it was again. The fear. Agni, Sokka didn't want to lose Lee. Not his wonderful boyfriend, who would beat Sokka up in a spar before kissing him until he lost breath. Not the teen who was fierce and brave and loyal and kind. The boy who could beat most people in a fight, but gushed about plays and secretly loved animals. The person who had suffered and burned and turned his pain, not just into rage, but into healing.
Not Lee.
“I know you've been hurt,” Sokka said hesitantly. “I know life can be horrible, and that it doesn't always get better.” He sighed. “Azula once asked me how I survived times like this. I didn't know then, but I think I know now.”
Looking deeply into Lee's grim eyes, Sokka spoke. “I live for the little moments of joy. Because even in the darkest of times, there are still bits of happiness. A beautiful sunset. A good meal. A warm hug. I live for the small things, because the big ones get lost too easily.”
“I survive by finding purpose,” Lee whispered. “I live to protect the people I care about. I can't die while they need me.”
“That's a good reason to live,” Sokka said quietly.
“It is,” agreed Lee. “You, Azula, Mai, Ty Lee, you're all worth living for. But I'm tired of fighting just to lose, of living just to be in pain. I'm tired of breaking again and again, and piecing myself together just to get shattered once more. I'm tired of being hurt and not able to escape, I'm tired of feeling so alone. I'm just…tired.”
“I get that,” Sokka murmured.
Lee smiled sadly at Sokka. “Yeah. I guess you would.”
“What do you need from me right now?” Sokka asked.
“Just…hold me?” asked Lee quietly.
Sokka wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, kissing his forehead.
“Of course,” he whispered.
Sokka knew that one discussion wasn’t going to fix anything. Lee was still going to have days where life didn’t seem worth the pain. So right now, with his boyfriend wrapped up in his arms, Sokka breathed in the warmth of his living body.
Live, Lee, please, Sokka thought desperately. I need you to keep living.
Yet was that even fair? Sokka knew intimately just how intense this sort of pain could be. He didn’t want to take away Lee’s choices. Still, he knew that he would never be able to stand there and let Lee die. His boyfriend meant the world to him. So Sokka would do his best to keep giving Lee a reason to hang on.
Stroking his boyfriend’s hair, Sokka made himself a promise. He would find a way to protect the ones he loved, and make sure he would never lose them to the darkness they all carried.
Even if, deep down, Sokka knew it was a promise he may not be able to keep.
Notes:
Today's late night update has been brought to you by...fucking life. The shelter I'm staying at came to me yesterday with a bullshit, ableist excuse to kick me out early, so if I don't find a way to stop that in the next two weeks, I'll be sleeping on the street. And it'll be another six weeks before the other shelter opens. Plus, the laptop I had borrowed from the library broke, so I had to post on my phone. If the format's weird, that's why, and I'll fix it when I next have access to a computer. So all things considered, this fanfic was not the first thing on my mind.
But! 11:30 is still before midnight, so by my qualifications, it is still on time! (I love technicalities).
Chapter 30: Whatever You See in Me, I'm Glad That You Do
Summary:
Azula receives some comfort during a hard moment.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Azula didn't even know why she was here. She hadn't been punished in weeks, Sokka, Mai and Ty Lee had still been their wonderful selves, and she had been slowly growing closer to Lee during their training sessions. Things were good, or as good as they could be in the palace. Azula should have been fine, but she found herself back on the palace rooftop for the first time in months.
Azula looked down from her place on the roof. It was such a long drop. It would be easy, so easy, to just let go, to step over the edge and let herself fall.
Some people went to the spirit world upon death, a rare few even became spirits, but most…no one was sure. But even if there was nothing after, Azula couldn't help but feel that might still be better than this. It was a terrifying thought, not existing…but sometimes it felt better than the existence Azula led. No one could hurt her, if she was nothing but a lifeless body.
Maybe it would be better, Azula thought, looking down at the long drop in front of her. Maybe I could be at peace.
The princess knew her friends wouldn't want her to be here, but at the moment it didn't matter. Because high up here on the palace roofs, no one could hurt Azula but herself. With one small movement, everything would be over, and that meant that, for once, she was in control of her life. So Azula sat along the precipice, doing nothing, just staring down.
The fall seemed appealing, but then again, it always did. And still Azula would climb back down every time, returning to her life. She'd probably do that again, but she was never sure. Azula never wanted to know, when she made the climb. It was easier to just let her mind wander, let the choice come naturally.
Azula probably would have gone back down on her own, but she would never find out. Because soon, the princess was startled by the sound of another person climbing up the tower. Eyes wide, Azula lit daggers of blue fire in her hands, her eyes scanning for the intruder. A moment later, her gaze landed on a very familiar face. Azula relaxed, letting the flames flicker away between her fingers.
“Hey, Lee,” she said, casually. It was becoming more and more natural to be around this boy, but Azula knew this might be the end of that. Lee would likely turn away from her, since he was about to learn how truly broken Azula was. But for once, she didn't care.
(She did, she did, but what was the point, if she was too broken to be loved?)
Azula knew, deep down, that that wasn't true. She knew that she had found all different types of love in her friends. Sokka brought her familial love, and she, Mai and Ty Lee had evolved naturally from platonic to romantic love. But it was hard sometimes to forget the things Ursa used to say.
“I never wanted to have a child like you-”
“You're cruel and cold and evil-”
“Demented child-”
“Just like your father-”
“Why would I ever love a monster?”
Azula wanted so deeply to be someone worth loving, but she knew her own worth- or lack thereof. And she was sure that, now that Lee saw this side of her, he would know it, too.
Preparing herself for the inevitable rejection, Azula met Lee’s gaze as he clambered up to join her on the edge. Azula drew her arms up in a sweeping gesture, indicating her surroundings.
“Now you know,” she said, voice hollow. “I'm a fucked up, suicidal, heartless monster of a person. Feel free to abandon me, now. You'd be better off.”
Lee sucked in a breath, but instead of leaving, he sat down at her left side.
“You're not a monster, Azula,” he said softly. “Don't let other people decide who you are for you. Don't let Ozai have that power.”
Azula snarled. “Don't you get it, Lee?” she cried. “He already has that power. Do you have any idea what I've had to do to survive? The person I've had to be? I'm a monster, and yes, Ozai made me this, but it doesn't change the things that I've done!”
Suddenly the fight bled out of Azula. She sighed, kicking her feet back and forth as she stared over the edge.
“I never wanted to be like this,” she admitted. “I do what I have to, but I never wanted this.”
Lee was quiet, turning his body to Azula as she spoke.
“I never asked to be born to Ozai,” she murmured. “I never asked to lose my brother. I never asked to live like this, caught choosing between survival and morality.”
“Sometimes there's no other option; sometimes you need to make that choice,” Lee told her. “It’s never easy to choose, but I need you to know that I don’t blame you for what you’ve decided.”
Azula clenched her fists, trying to keep her breathing steady.
“Sometimes I feel like there’s this cruelty in me,” she said. “Something that Sokka wouldn’t understand.”
Lee simply stared at her with understanding, and it gave Azula the strength to continue.
“Sometimes I wonder if, by acting cruel, I’ve started to become the illusion. I mean, how do I know who I really am, when I can’t show anything but the monster people expect?”
Azula let out a trembling breath, before continuing. “Maybe me and Sokka aren’t that different. I mean, I know there are some people he wants dead, and he’d be delighted to do it himself.”
“Fucking Ozai,” Lee growled. It brought a slight smile to Azula’s face.
“Fucking Ozai,” she agreed. Then she sighed. “I don't know, though. He doesn't have the same cruelty to him, his brokenness isn't the same.”
Azula clenched her fists, trying not to cry. “Sometimes I worry that, the more I act like a monster, the more I become one.”
Lee was quiet for a minute, and Azula was starting to worry that she shouldn’t have shared. But then the boy spoke up.
“I know what it’s like,” he said, “to live with the knowledge that you would- and have- done awful things to survive. I don’t regret what I needed to do, but I regret that it needed to be done. And it doesn’t always make me happy with the person I’ve become.”
Azula felt a surge of relief at the feeling of understanding. For all Sokka understood most of Azula’s pain, this was one thing he didn’t. Sokka had never had to choose between cruelty and survival, and he didn’t carry the awful ache of living with those decisions.
Lee looked at Azula, and there was this palpable love and understanding in his gaze. Azula felt it somewhere deep in her chest, the sudden knowledge that this boy loved her, just like the rest of her team did. Just like she had been trying not to feel for him, too scared of being betrayed or abandoned.
“I'm going to be here for you, Azula,” Lee promised. “You're my friend.”
Azula let out a choked laugh. “I thought you were going to leave, now that you couldn't hide from how mentally fucked I am.”
Lee laughed bitterly. “Azula, our entire friend group is fucked up. Granted, some more than others, but I was never under any illusions that you were mentally healthy.”
The boy shot her a wry smile. “Just like I never had an illusion that I was ever mentally okay.”
Azula supposed that was fair. She knew Lee held much of the same brokenness she and Sokka had. But sometimes…
“Sometimes, I can't understand what people see in me,” Azula murmured.
“I see your kindness,” Lee answered. “I see your loyalty, your courage, your wit, your cunning, and the deep love you carry. I see the way you manage to survive some of the worst of humanity, and yet still plan to make things better, to make a world where this sort of thing doesn't happen.”
There was deep admiration and love in Lee’s eyes as he stared at Azula. “That's who you are, Azula. Someone who fights to be better than the broken world you live in.”
A slight smile flickered across Azula's face. There was an element of truth in that, after all. The princess may not always succeed, but she always tried to hold onto kindness, to plan and fight for a better world. Even if she often failed. All the same, Azula still wondered something.
“Do you really think that all this could be fixed?” she asked, hesitantly. “I want to believe it, but…sometimes it's hard to see a better world in all this darkness.”
Lee took a minute to consider Azula's words before responding. “I think it's possible. Maybe not in our lifetime, maybe not for generations. But for all the cruelty in the world, I know that there are people out there willing to do good. I haven't given up hope that humanity doesn't have to be like this. I haven't given up hope that we can be better.”
“Me, neither,” Azula admitted. “But sometimes I feel naive for hoping, when the world keeps proving me wrong.”
Lee let out a deep sigh. “I get that,” he said. “It's hard to have faith. But I think it's worth it, to not give up. We can't give up, because when we do, we start to accept that things have to be this way.”
The boy met her eyes. “But they don't,” he said, fire in his eyes. “Things don't have to be like this. We can make them better, you can make them better. And I know that you're going to do everything you can to try. That's what I see in you.”
Azula's smile grew a bit wider. Something about the certainty in Lee’s voice, in the truth of his words, had gotten through to Azula in a way few things ever did. But, deep down, the princess knew that part of it was that the message was coming from Lee, someone who could relate to Azula's own type of brokenness, the darkness that she lived with inside her soul.
“You remind me of my brother sometimes,” Azula admitted.
Lee blinked at her. “Sokka?”
“No,” said Azula. “You remind me of Zuko.”
A complicated mix of emotions flickered over Lee's face, but his expression smoothed over before Azula could identify anything.
“How am I like Zuko?” Lee asked.
“You’re kind, but not because you think humanity is good. You see the darkness, and you live with the darkness, but you still choose to be kind,” Azula told him. “You're not exactly the same, but…it reminds me of him, the way you live with this brokenness and darkness, but choose to turn it into healing and light.”
“I don't always choose that,” Lee admitted, and it sounded like a deep, dark confession. “Just like you, I've had to choose between kindness and survival. I try to keep a balance, but…I know exactly how far I'd go, and sometimes it scares me, the things I can justify doing for the greater good, or my own survival.”
“Yeah,” Azula said heavily. “That's one of the hardest things to live with.” The firebender paused. But, since they were being honest with each other, Azula decided to admit it. “I'm not sure exactly the depths I'd go to,” she confessed, voice small. “I wonder, sometimes, but I don't know for sure, what I wouldn't do to protect myself and those I love.”
“And yet, you're up here,” Lee said, “looking willing to kill yourself, all on your own. That's not survival or protection. That's desperation.”
“Not cowardice?”
Lee shook his head. “Never,” he said. “It's not cowardly to reach your limit. It's not cowardly to want your suffering to end.”
Tears welled up in Azula's eyes. “I don't even know why I'm up here today,” she admitted. “There's nothing wrong, there's no reason it should hurt so much today! But I just…I just don't know if it's worth it, anymore.”
“I can't make that decision for you,” Lee told her. “It's probably not fair to ask you to hold on, to physically stop you from doing it- which I will, if I have to- but I'm still going to ask. Don't throw your life away, Azula. Don't lose out on everything that makes you happy, just because right now sucks.”
Lee met Azula's haze, a fierce fury in his golden eyes.
“Don't let Ozai win,” he said fiercely. “Don't just live, but thrive, and do it to spite everyone who tried to ruin this for you.”
With that, Azula slowly let a sharp grin slide over her face.
“That's the kind of motivation I can get behind,” she purred.
Lee grinned at her. “I figured,” he said happily.
Azula's imagination grasped onto Lee's suggestion. The princess knew she held a vicious, bitter darkness in her. Why not harness that to survive? Because there were people who had tried to break her. Ozai, with his burning, wandering hands, and his deadly lightning. Ursa with her cruel words and purposeful absence. Firelord Azulon with his encouragement of the situation, and Iroh with his utter disregard for the safety of his niece and nephew.
All of those people had tried to destroy Azula, but here she was. Still breathing, still fighting, even when it hurt.
Azula took one last look at the drop below her, before standing up.
“Come on, Lee,” she said, determined. “Let's go spite some assholes by having a good day.”
A bright, happy grin split across Lee's face. “I would be delighted,” he said.
“I'll steal the snacks if you grab the plays,” Azula offered. She had recently discovered Lee had a similar fondness for theater as she did.
Lee nodded, still smiling. Then he paused. “Do you want to invite the rest of the gang?” he asked.
Azula looked over her friend, considering. “No,” she decided. “I want to spend some time with just you.” She paused. “And…thank you. For being here.”
“I'll be here as long as you need,” Lee promised. And for once, Azula was starting to believe that. So, as the two of them climbed down from the tower, Azula couldn't help but think.
I'll survive out of spite, she thought, but I'll also survive for my friends. I'll survive to make the world better.
I'll survive because I'm stronger than the darkness inside of me.
Notes:
A little more Azula-Zuko bonding! I hope you liked the chapter. If you want, leave a comment, and I'll be back for the next chapter on Tuesday!
Chapter 31: A Glimpse of What Could Be
Summary:
Zuko and Azula spend the day together.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Azula groaned. “They're butchering this play.”
“Truly,” came Lee’s disappointed voice from beside her.
“Who in their right mind would hire these actors? They're awful,” Azula complained.
“Not to mention the creative license they took with the source material,” Lee grumbled.
“I don't know why we're even watching this,” Azula huffed.
Lee looked at her askance. “I can tell you're lying,” he said, a small smile flickering over his face.
It was true. Zuko had instilled in Azula a love of theater. She may absolutely despise watching poor quality plays, but at the same time they reminded her of her dead brother. It made it hard to look away. Still, it didn't make it any less annoying to be faced with Lee's perpetual knowledge of when Azula was lying.
The princess scowled. “How do you always know?”
“Trade secret,” Lee said with a grin.
“What trade?” asked Azula.
Lee shrugged. “Crime, mostly.”
Azula snorted. “Sometimes I forget you were literally raised in prison.”
“Yep,” Lee said, grinning. “Lots of good role models for being an upstanding citizen.”
“I still don't understand how you ended up so moral after all that.”
“Me, neither,” Lee admitted. “But if it makes you feel better, I'm pretty sure my moral code is a little…unconventional.”
“Yeah, well, it makes you fit right in,” Azula said.
“Thanks,” said Lee. “It's nice to be part of a morally questionable family again.”
The two of them met each other's eyes, before bursting into laughter. They laughed long and hard enough to attract glares from the rest of the crowd, which only made them snicker more. Eventually, the two made enough noise that the staff came to throw them out. Azula was tempted to threaten them into staying, but Lee dragged her along.
“You're not a princess right now,” he whispered. “And we're not really supposed to be here.”
“You mean I'm not supposed to be here with you,” Azula pointed out.
“Yeah,” Lee said, “and I'd rather keep my head attached to my body.”
Azula clucked her tongue. “Don't be foolish,” she said disdainfully. “That's how they do it in the colonies. In the homeland we burn people at the stake.”
“Ah, yes,” Lee said dryly. “That was definitely the important part of what I said.”
“Well, burning at the stake is supposedly more painful,” Azula said, smirking. “So I'm sure it'd be an important difference for the remaining few minutes of your life.”
“How do they know it's more painful?” Lee wondered. “Can't exactly ask the dead people.”
“Maybe they went into the spirit world to perform a survey,” Azula shrugged. “Or, you know, asked the people who had both been burned and lost limbs.”
“Oh, Agni,” Lee murmured.
“What?” Azula asked.
“Don't mention the idea of surveying spirits to Sokka,” Lee said with a shudder.
Azula froze. Oh no. That was definitely something Sokka would insist on doing if he ever thought of it.
“We will never mention it again,” she said solemnly.
“It's a good thing we didn't invite him along,” Lee agreed.
Azula smirked at her friend. “Well, I wanted to go with someone who could actually appreciate theater.”
“Wasn't much to appreciate back there,” Lee pointed out dryly.
That was certainly true. It was the worst performance Azula had seen since the Ember Island Players.
“I just wanted to see one good theater production,” Azula grumbled. “It's like they're trying to be bad.”
“Agreed,” Lee said. “That was the first play I've seen since I was a child, and I'm half wishing I hadn't seen it at all.” He smiled at her. “It was fun mocking it with you, though.”
“Yeah,” Azula said. “You, unlike the rest of our friends, actually understand the beauty and complexity of theater.”
“I'd hardly call that disaster beautiful or complex,” Lee said.
“Well, it should have been,” Azula sniffed. “Didn't they know royalty was watching?”
“No,” Lee answered. “That was kinda the point behind the disguise.”
Azula stared distastefully at the rough robes she was wearing. “Ugh, don't remind me,” she grumbled.
Lee snorted. “Too much for your royal sensibilities?”
“It's so uncomfortable,” Azula grumbled.
“Yeah, well, not everyone can afford silk,” Lee said with a grin.
“At least being the crown princess is worth something,” Azula sighed.
“It’s also worth political immunity,” Lee pointed out.
“Yeah,” Azula said softly. “But…only from people of lower status.”
Lee froze at Azula’s implication. “Sorry, Zula,” he said, wincing.
Azula froze. Zula. With the play still in her mind and a kind but fierce boy beside her, it brought back memories.
Plays read as bedtime stories. Her brother's warm hugs. A soft kiss on her forehead, and Zuko’s whispered voice. “I love you, Zula.”
“Don't call me that!” Azula snapped at her friend.
Lee raised his hands placatingly. “Okay,” he said. After a few seconds of tense silence, he spoke again. “Is that nickname only for Sokka?”
Azula sighed, her mind still on the brother she lost so long ago.
“It's a nickname only for my brothers,” she whispered.
“Oh,” said Lee quietly. He seemed a bit sad. “Did Zuko…?”
“Yeah,” Azula said quietly. “That was Zuko's nickname for me. Letting Sokka use it is a way to honor the brother I lost and my connection with the brother I chose.”
“I'm sorry, Azula,” Lee told her. “I won't call you that again.”
“It's okay,” Azula said heavily. “You didn't know.”
“Still,” Lee said. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Azula rolled her eyes. “It’s fine, Lee.”
Lee smiled thankfully. “Good.” Then the boy’s expression lightened. “Hey, do you want to go vandalize the posters for that play?”
Azula grinned sharply. “That, my friend, is a fantastic idea,” she said gleefully.
“They certainly deserve it for charging two silver pieces for that atrocity,” Lee agreed.
“Well, what are you waiting for?” Azula said, grinning. “Let’s go!”
Snickering, the two rushed over to the nearest poster. They took turns watching out for witnesses, as the other one drew horns and curlicue mustaches on the faces of the characters in the poster. The friends giggled as they sneaked from poster to poster, revamping each artwork to a much more insulting image, suitable for the insultingly bad play they had suffered through. They had a few close calls with soldiers, which taught Azula something about Lee she hadn’t known. He was impressively good at sneaking around. Even better than Azula, and she had been hiding from Ozai and the palace guards since she was a child.
It must have been from prison, Azula realized. Which was an interesting thought. It implied that Lee made the decision to sneak around whatever prison he was stuck in. That had to be risky, especially if he was in a higher security prison like the Boiling Rock.
Interesting. It was definitely something to note and tuck away for a later time. For now, however, the two were enjoying the expressions of the theater troupe as they surveyed Azula and Lee’s handiwork. The two snickered quietly as the playwright bemoaned the besmirching of the “greatest acting troupe in the world!”
“If they’re the greatest acting troupe in the world, all hope is lost,” Lee whispered to her.
Azula nodded seriously. “The implications for the state of art and creativity are staggering if this is the height of theater.”
“Truly,” Lee agreed.
Which only made it more satisfying to behold the expressions of the acting troupe as they went around the town to discover that the two friends had vandalized every single poster. Lee gave Azula a high five, and, snickering, the friends sneaked their way out of the town.
“Agni, I haven’t had this much fun with pranks in ages,” Azula said.
“I haven’t played any pranks in ages,” Lee told her. “I missed it.”
“Me, too,” Azula said. “We should do this again soon.”
Lee nodded. “Yeah. But next time we should be more careful about which play we go and watch.”
Azula groaned. “I know. The whole play almost made me ashamed to be interested in theater.”
Lee smirked at her. “Imagine what the Fire Nation would think if they knew their perfect princess was a nerd.”
“I am not a theater nerd!” Azula squawked.
“You totally are,” Lee sang.
Azula rolled her eyes. “Am not. I simply enjoy the finer arts in life,” she said imperiously.
“Enough that you went on a twenty minute long rant about the changes that the playwright made to the story?”
“They completely ruined the original message!” Azula seethed. “It’s supposed to be a story about war, not a love story!”
“I know,” groaned Lee. “It’s like they completely missed the point of the play.”
“Why in Agni’s name would they ruin a perfectly good story to tell an asinine tale of poorly written romance?” Azula bemoaned.
Lee sighed. “Probably because of the implications of the original play’s message,” he said.
Azula paused. “What do you mean?”
Lee hesitated. “Well, the original story is critical of war,” he said delicately. “Which…might not be an approved message right now.”
Right. Azula wasn’t sure why she hadn’t thought of that. It did make her a little uncomfortable, though. It seemed manipulative, and while Azula wasn’t exactly against manipulation, she liked to have a good reason for it. This just seemed designed to draw up support for the war. Which was important, of course it was, but Azula couldn’t help but feel that individuals should make their own opinions on the matter.
Well, I don’t know for sure who ordered the change, Azula reminded herself. The playwright could have just been very loyal to the cause.
Yet Azula couldn’t quite bring herself to believe that. Propaganda was very much in line with Ozai’s actions. He was a manipulative person, and wouldn’t bother to consider the morality of such actions. In fact, he’d definitely burn Azula if he knew she was questioning it herself. That truth was uncomfortable, so the princess brushed it off. No need to think of it. Yet, despite her best efforts, a thought haunted her as she and Lee made their way back to the palace. A single thought that felt dangerously close to questioning her deep faith in her nation. Azula tried to ignore it, because she didn’t want to face the chance that what she had believed for so long wasn’t true. Still, in the back of her mind, the thought lingered.
If they manipulated this, what else are they covering up?
Azula didn’t know. She didn’t know if she wanted to know. So it would just be another thing to suppress, another thing she couldn’t face. Azula wasn’t ready to question her whole worldview, so she would try to forget that thought and what it meant. But deep down, Azula had a suspicion that, despite her best efforts, she wouldn’t be able to ignore it forever. If her country really was covering things up, sooner or later Azula would find out. And then, when the time came, Azula would have to figure out what she stood for when the lies and secrets began to unravel.
Because sooner or later, they would.
Notes:
Sorry that this update was a day late! I was busy pretty much all day yesterday, and the times I had free I spent trying to cope with life, because I've been managing a lot right now. Homelessness, attempting to stop them from kicking me out of the shelter, preparing for if they DO kick me out of the shelter, juggling several organizations doing a shit job of "helping" me (I need to placate them to stay at the shelter), managing physical and mental health issues and disabilities, lots of appointments, coping with re-emerging traumatic memories, trying to unlearn racism, trying to maintain friendships, worrying about those friends as they deal with certain dangers inherent to homelessness, worrying about my siblings that are still stuck in the situation I left, grieving, dealing with a lot of racist, transphobic, ableist assholes at the shelter (literally everyone else there is either like that or doesn't care to say or do anything, including staff), trying to stay informed about current events as my country descends into fascism, worrying about what that means for me and my friends (we're all minorities), finalizing steps to get out of homelessness, and dealing with the identity crisis of finding out the man who raised me isn't my biological father (long story, not getting into it). So all things considered, this fic is secondary to all of that, and I honestly forgot to post because I was just trying not to have a breakdown. Again.
Yeah, so things are not great right now, and the late posts might happen again until things ease up a bit. Which they SHOULD, if everything goes right I should be getting housing in September or October, which should help. But it's also looking like I'll have to spend somewhere between two to six weeks sleeping outside before that. So that period's going to be even worse, because sleeping outside is stressful and draining as hell, so you all might have to live with some inconsistent posting for a little bit. Especially since more and more things keep building up, and even though I have a lot of energy for dealing with crises, it's starting to affect my ability to manage daily life.
So, yeah. Pretty sure it's a reasonable excuse for a late update. I'd blame the AO3 writers curse, but honestly, my life has always been kind of a lot, and this is still much, MUCH better than what my life was like before, and I'm honestly in a better headspace than when I started this fic. So...make of that what you will.
Long story short; life is a lot, updates might start to be a little irregular for a bit, and they should get better in three to seven weeks (depending on how long I'm on the streets before I get housing or the other shelter opens up). And as always, I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
Chapter 32: Would You Leave, If You Knew?
Summary:
Zuko and Azula spend more time together.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Azula groaned as she flopped down on the couch beside Lee.
“Spare me from my history assignment,” she complained. “I don’t want to read a single other passage of how wonderful and great and powerful Firelord Sozin was.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s blasphemous,” Lee noted, not even looking up from the play he was reading.
“What’s blasphemous is forcing the crown princess to read drivel about the miraculous way Firelord Sozin wrote calligraphy, and played Pai Sho, and bended, and the impressive architectural improvements he made to the palace. I mean, none of that has anything to do with what made him great! What, did Firelord Sozin eat dinner perfectly? Sleep with the grace of Agni? The history books act like Firelord Sozin never did anything less than perfectly in his life!”
At that statement, Lee finally looked up from his play. “You know that’s just propaganda, right?” he said.
Azula bit her lip, looking down. The truth was she did know, she just didn’t want to face it. Maybe that’s why she came to Lee about this. Somehow, the fire healer always seemed to know what the Fire Nation was thinking with these things.
Is it because he grew up in prison? Azula wondered, uncomfortably. Is it because he grew up away from all these lessons? All this…propaganda?
What was real and what was fake? And did Azula even want to know?
Lee met her eyes. “I think we both know that there’s always propaganda in war,” he said hesitantly. “You can’t just trust what the government tells you. Especially about other nations, and especially about their own actions.”
Azula shifted uncomfortably as Lee continued.
“You’re smart, Azula, all our friends are. But you grew up surrounded by this brainwashing, and you don’t see things as clearly as you should.”
Azula scoffed. “What, and you see things perfectly?”
“Yeah, no,” Lee dismissed. “We’re all biased. It’s just that I was given more reason to question what I had been taught when I was little.”
Biting her lip, Azula looked over her friend. They were getting awfully close to a topic Lee never liked to speak about; his life in prison. The questions were on the tip of Azula’s tongue, but she shoved them down. Lee would tell her when he was ready. Until then, she would just be here, as his best friend. Still, she couldn’t help but offer.
“You can tell me about it,” she said carefully, “if you want to.”
There it was. The look on Lee’s face, like a caged animal. The other firebender let out a deep breath.
“No, I don’t…No,” he said.
Azula nodded. “I’ll be here to listen,” she said, “whenever you’re ready to talk.”
Lee smiled wryly. “How did you become the emotionally mature one out of the two of us?” he said.
Azula smirked. “Maybe I’m just naturally superior.”
“Of course,” Lee deadpanned. “How could I forget that I was in the presence of royalty?”
Azula stuck up her nose. “Exactly,” she sniffed. “I have the blood of the mighty Sozin in my veins, the greatest Firelord of developing better gardens, cultural values, and superior fabric quality.”
Lee snorted. “Did your assignment actually say that?”
“Yes!” Azula complained. “I mean, who believes this drivel?”
“A concerning amount of people,” Lee said grimly.
Azula sighed. “I know.”
Lee looked sympathetically at her. “Hey, it’s okay,” he said. Azula looked up as Lee continued speaking, “With the blood of someone so great in your veins, you should have no problem becoming the greatest Firelord of superior theater quality,” he smirked.
Azula slowly grinned. “Yes, a fine use of my authority,” she said. “Improving the sad excuse for the Fire Nation’s theater scene.”
“See?” Lee said. “With you at the helm, at least we’ll be able to fix what really matters.”
“Yeah, yeah, you wish you were me,” Azula, waving the words away dismissively, “But we’re wasting time!”
Lee blinked. “Do you have somewhere to be?”
Azula’s grin grew sharp. “No. We have somewhere to be.”
Lee raised his eyebrow. “I feel like this won’t bode well for me,” he noted.
“Well, you’ll never know if you keep lying here,” Azula told him. She stood up and straightened her mussed up clothes. “Now come on,” she challenged, holding out her hand.
Lee took it with a look of fond exasperation. “Okay, Az. Let’s go.”
⽕
All things considered, Zuko wasn’t particularly surprised when his sister led him to the field they had been training on. She did seem to greatly enjoy teaching him- if only because it meant she could push Zuko to his limits, and look smug when it ended up helping him. Not a lot of people would thrive under her harsh training regiment, but Zuko knew Azula wouldn’t actually hurt him, and he didn’t mind giving her a safe place to be in control (and bossy) without it hurting anyone.
Plus, Zuko had to admit that, for all her training style was quite harsh, his sister knew what she was doing. Zuko had been quickly building muscle and endurance with the combination of Azula’s training and access to actual food. So he didn’t mind being his sister’s minion for a few hours a week.
“Now, I’ve got a very fun idea,” Azula said happily. “You’ve figured out most of the advanced sets by now. So I think it’s time for you to learn lightning.”
Zuko froze. Lightning bending. His hand twitched, subconsciously moving to the scar on his chest. He aborted the motion before Azula could recognize it, but he doubted she could avoid noticing his panicked breathing.
Sure enough, Azula moved towards him, a concerned expression on her face.
“Lee? Are you okay?”
Zuko was too panicked to answer. The former prince brought his hands up to his face, clutching at his head and curling his fingers through his hair. He breathed heavily, trying to shove down the instinctual panic.
Nothing is wrong, Zuko reminded himself. Ozai isn’t here, no one is hurting you, everything is fine!
It didn’t make the panic fade, though, so Zuko simply collapsed on the grass, curling up into a small ball. He rocked himself back and forth, his breath still coming fast and shaky. From the corner of his right eye, Zuko spotted Azula sitting down next to him.
“It’s okay, Lee,” she said quietly. “We don’t have to learn lightning bending if you don’t want to. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
The words calmed Zuko somewhat, and his breathing softened a little as he listened to Azula.
“You’re safe with me,” she told him. “There’s no one else here, and even if there were, I know we could take them.”
A small smile flickered across Zuko’s face at the fierce protectiveness in his sister’s voice.
“Especially with how much better you’ve gotten at incorporating different martial arts into your firebending,” he said softly.
Azula’s expression was relieved as she looked at him. “Don’t dismiss all the work you’ve put in,” she said. “You’re almost a master yourself.”
Zuko smiled slightly. “I’m fairly sure with my abilities, I am a master.”
Azula scrunched up her brow. “I don’t know,” she admitted grudgingly. “Your bending ability is there, but you haven’t mastered traditional techniques. So I wouldn’t count it.”
“Tell that to all the people I’ve beaten because my style is so different,” Zuko said. “Including Sokka.”
“Okay, fair,” Azula admitted. She paused. “I still don’t count it, though.”
Slowly uncurling his body, Zuko smiled at his sister, and this time it wasn’t forced. “I guess I’ll just have to finish learning, then.”
Azula nodded, before hesitating. “We don’t have to learn lightning bending,” she said.
It felt like there was a lump in Zuko’s throat, and he took a minute to answer. “No, I want to learn,” he said honestly. “But…I’m not quite ready yet.” Zuko bit his lip, looking at his little sister. “Could you…could you start lightning bending around me? Not at me, just around me. So that I become less afraid.”
“Wouldn’t that just scare you more?” Azula pointed out.
“Maybe at first,” Zuko conceded, “but…I trust you. I think if I see you lightning bending, when I know you won't hurt me, it will help me get over it.”
Azula was quiet for a minute as the words sunk in. “I used to be afraid of lightning, too,” she admitted quietly, “Ozai…that was how he killed Zuko, with lightning to the heart. It took ages for me to be able to learn it myself, without imagining my first brother’s death.”
Zuko’s eyes widened. He didn’t know why that surprised him; of course Azula would be deeply affected by her brother’s ‘death.’ It made it hurt even more to not tell her. Still, Zuko couldn’t bring himself to open up and say it, couldn’t bear to witness his sister’s hatred at the way he left her behind. Couldn’t handle the possibility that she could look at what Zuko had suffered, and still think the Fire Nation was fair.
Maybe it was selfish, but Zuko had already lost Azula once. He couldn’t bear to lose her again. So instead, he shoved down the guilt and let his sister haul him to his feet. He took deep breaths as she demonstrated her lightning bending, and let out the tension in his body as she taught him the next firebending set. Zuko tried to lose himself in the moment, to only focus on what he had now. Yet he couldn’t help himself from thinking of how delicate everything he had rebuilt here must be. Right now, he had his sister, two new friends, and a boyfriend. But if anybody found out his secrets, Zuko didn’t know if they’d think he was worth keeping around.
And Zuko wasn’t sure he could handle losing everything he loved a third time.
Notes:
I hope you enjoyed the chapter! And, for bonus points, it was posted at a reasonable time! Also, we're really close to the end of this chunk of the story, which was focused more on building up character relationships than plot. The next section of the story is more plot-heavy, and I've got some fun things planned. I hope you'll like what's coming next, and I'll see you Tuesday!
Chapter 33: Love is Healing
Summary:
Sparring and a double date.
Notes:
This early in the day update (for me) is sponsored by me actually getting a good night's sleep. Which is basically a miracle with my sleep disorder, basically nocturnal natural sleep schedule- which the shelter does NOT follow, nightmares, and the uncomfortable sleeping arrangements. So I'll enjoy this, and now you get to enjoy it, too, by not having a late night update! Everyone wins!
Anyways, hope you enjoy the chapter!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Azula smiled as she snuggled into the warm embrace of her girlfriends. The day was warm and bright, and she and her team had decided to spend it on a double date.
“This is lovely,” Ty Lee said happily.
Lee smiled at the acrobat. “It is,” he told her. “I'm glad you invited me.”
“You're one of us, now,” Sokka told his boyfriend. “An essential part of the Flameos, the greatest team the Fire Nation has ever known!”
Azula immediately flicked a small ball of fire at Sokka.
“We're not using that name,” she informed him.
“Come on, Zula, it's perfect!” said Sokka.
“You're perfect,” Lee told him. “But the name? That's stupid.”
“See?” grinned Azula. “Even your boyfriend agrees.”
“It'll grow on you, just like I did,” Sokka insisted.
“The difference is that you had potential,” Azula sniffed. “That name does not.”
“Hey!” cried Sokka.
Lee brushed his hand through Sokka's hair while he held the other boy.
“Don't worry darling,” Lee said. “I still love you, even if your naming skills suck.”
Sokka turned to glare at his boyfriend, who only smirked. Azula watched her brother look around at the rest of them. He took in Mai’s unimpressed glance, Ty Lee's humor and Azula's own mocking grin. Sokka sighed.
“You four have no taste,” he said sadly.
“And yet you still love us,” Azula said with a smirk.
“Against my better judgement,” Sokka agreed.
Lee laughed softly at him. “You know you'd be lost without us, love.”
Azula watched Sokka's expression turn soft as he turned to his boyfriend. After asking, Sokka kissed Lee gently.
“I would,” he whispered against Lee’s lips as he pulled away.
Azula ran her hand through Ty Lee's hair and kissed Mai’s forehead.
“I'd be lost without you” she breathed.
Mai caressed her cheek, while Ty Lee kissed hand gently.
“We won't leave you, beautiful,” Mai whispered.
“You're stuck with us,” Ty Lee agreed.
“Whether you like it or not,” Mai confirmed.
Azula smiled. “Good.”
With that, she once again settled into her girlfriends’ arms. Ty Lee played with her hair, weaving flowers into it, while Mai carefully painted designs over Azula's skin. Mai recently decided she wanted tattoos, but had said she wanted to see how it looked first. Azula was happy to be her girlfriend's canvas. As she settled into a sense of relaxation she rarely reached, Azula's mind began to wander.
This was what she wanted, Azula thought. She didn't want to be Firelord. She just wanted her team with her, always. She wanted to kiss Mai and Ty Lee openly, to mock and play games with her brother and practice bending with Lee. Azula wasn't like Ozai. She didn't need the world, because these four people were her world. Suddenly, Azula felt the need to tell her team how much they meant to her. She sat up straight.
“Guys, I need you to know something,” she said.
Her friends all turned to her. Azula took a deep breath.
“We never know what's going to happen, especially in the palace,” Azula said heavily. “So I need you to know that you four mean everything to me.”
The princess turned to her acrobatic girlfriend. “Ty Lee, you light up my world,” she told the girl. “You help me find joy and hope in the darkness of the palace. I'm honored that you found something in me worth loving.
“Mai,” Azula said, turning to her other girlfriend. “You're incredible. You never fail to amaze me with how intelligent and talented you are. You complete me in a way I never knew I needed.
“Sokka,” she continued, “you pulled me away from the darkest parts of myself. You saved me, and you're my brother in every way that matters.
“And Lee, you've shown me that everything I thought about the lower classes was wrong. You're powerful and intelligent and kind, and I'm honored to have you as a friend.”
Azula stared at the people who mattered to her more than anything before speaking. “I love all of you,” she told them. “Every one of you makes me better, and I'm so lucky to have you in my life.”
Azula's words, carrying a deep genuine honesty that she often hid behind jokes and mockery, clearly touched everyone in their group. One by one, they all came around to embrace Azula, burying her in the arms of everyone she loved.
“We're lucky to have you, too,” Ty Lee said. “Of course you're worthy of my love.”
“And you complete me, just as much as I complete you,” Mai told her.
“You've given me someone who could understand me when I felt alone here,” Sokka said honestly. “You'll always be my little sister.”
“And I'm lucky to have someone as remarkable as you as my friend,” Lee told her. “I'll be here for you as long as you need me.”
“We all will,” Mai promised the princess.
At that, Azula felt herself tear up. Part of her, the part Ozai had his claws in, wanted to hide it, to pretend to be strong and invulnerable. But these were the people who knew Azula better than anyone. Here, she could be as gentle and kind as she wished.
Besides, Azula thought, if there's one thing I learned from Zuko, it’s that there is strength in kindness.
Azula looked at the people she loved more than anything. “I'll be here for you, too,” she promised.
The group stayed like that for a bit, wrapped in each other's arms. A group built of love and family and friendship. A team.
After several minutes, however, they pulled apart.
“Who knew Azula was such a softie?” Lee teased.
Azula shot him a glare. “I can still destroy you,” she threatened.
Lee laughed. “I don't doubt it,” he said fondly.
“Wait, that's perfect!” Sokka said excitedly.
Azula looked at her brother dryly. “You want me to destroy your boyfriend?” she questioned.
Sokka blushed. “No! I was just thinking- we should have a sparring tournament!”
Azula considered the suggestion for a moment. It would be a good bonding activity that would allow them all to practice and learn from each other.
“That's a good idea,” Azula admitted. At the sight of Sokka's beaming grin she scowled. “Don't let it get to your head, Socks,” she told him.
Sokka gasped dramatically. “I would never!” he told her.
Azula threw her brother's sheathed sword to him.
“Shut up and get ready to fight already,” she grumbled.
Sokka saluted her. “You got it, little sis!”
“I hate you,” Azula informed him.
“No you don't.”
Azula sighed. “No I don't,” she agreed begrudgingly.
With that, the group made a bracket and prepared for battle. Sokka and Lee were first up. Azula sat back to watch as the two unsheathed their blades and faced each other across the grassy field.
“Are you ready to go down?” Sokka said.
Lee smirked, twirling his dual dao around before settling into a fighting stance.
“You haven't beaten me yet,” Lee said. “That's not changing today.”
Sokka narrowed his eyes. “Oh, it's on,” he said.
Azula watched with anticipation as Ty Lee began the countdown.
“Ready…set…go!”
With that, the fight began. Lee slashed his swords through the air, sending out massive plumes of flame with each strike of his blade. Sokka dodged, before launching a blast of blue fire towards Lee with his free hand. Instead of jumping to the side, Lee raised his hands and took control of the fire, sending it back to Sokka. Sokka easily dodged, before using his sword to send out a wave of fire. This time, Lee settled into a firm stance and raised an entire wall of flames to block the attack.
Even if Azula had fought Lee dozens of times by now, it was still incredible to watch him bend. Lee used bending in a way Azula had never seen. He switched between styles easily, blending them into his firebending in a way that looked both unique and utterly natural. Azula watched in admiration as Lee played with fire like an extension of himself, just like Azula, and just like Sokka. Sokka, who, despite being somewhat less skilled with fire, still managed to use his impressive bending and strategic mind to remain in the fight. The entire time, Sokka had been slowly making his way closer to Lee, until they were close enough to touch.
With that, the fight switched to sword fighting as Sokka lashed out with his blade. Lee met him blow for blow as they clashed in a flurry of steel. Azula may not know much about sword fighting, but even she could tell that both Sokka and Lee were masters of their crafts. The fight was intense as both parties struggled to gain an upper hand. Their injuries built up, but the pair kept going, ignoring the blood that was starting to pool beneath them. Finally, however, Sokka managed to disarm Lee. Normally Azula would figure the fight was over, but she had learned that Lee was a slippery opponent with many different techniques to switch between.
Sure enough, Lee easily shifted styles once more. The boy pulled a knife out of his robes and dodged each of Sokka’s attacks, alternating between fighting with his fists and his remaining blade. Finally, Lee managed to hit Sokka in a few precise points, and the boy came toppling down, paralyzed.
Lee stood over Sokka's prone form, breathing heavily, while Sokka looked up at him with an absolutely smitten expression. Azula’s brother was clearly completely infatuated with his boyfriend. It warmed her heart to see.
Looking over at Mai and Ty Lee, Azula noticed their looks of shock. She supposed that made sense- it was one thing to hear about Lee's abilities, and another thing to see it firsthand.
“Agni above,” Ty Lee breathed. “Azula had told me you could fight, but I've never seen anybody bend like you.”
Lee blushed. “Thanks,” he said. “It's actually pretty helpful, having a style people don't expect. They usually don't know how to counter.”
Sokka grinned at Lee. “You couldn't just settle for inventing a whole new subtype of bending, could you?” he said happily. “You had to be a badass fighter on top of that.”
Lee shrugged uncomfortably. “They're just survival skills,” he murmured.
Now that was something Azula could understand. In fact, she often viewed her bending the same way. It was survival, learning to fight. And it was survival, trying to learn to heal.
Not that that was going any well.
“Why is learning to bend in that style so much easier than fire healing?” Azula bemoaned. “It's a survival skill I need, and I'm still getting nowhere.”
“Hey, cut yourself some slack,” Lee told her. “It's an entirely different type of bending than what you're used to. Of course it's hard to learn.”
“Sokka learned it,” Azula pointed out.
Mai placed a calming hand on her shoulder.
“You're not Sokka, love,” she said. “We all have different strengths.”
Azula sighed. It was true, but she hated not being able to master something. It filled her with an instinctive sort of panic, a crushing fear ingrained in her from Ozai.
“I know you're right,” Azula admitted, “but it doesn't feel like it.”
Mai looked at her sympathetically. “It doesn't have to yet. But when you're here with us, you don't need to be perfect.”
Tears welled up in Azula's eyes at her girlfriend’s words. Still, she could tell from Mai’s face that the other girl knew Azula didn't believe it. Not yet.
“I'll keep telling it to you,” Mai murmured, “until you trust that I love you as you are. Flaws and all.”
The confusing mix of emotions was too much for Azula to express, so instead she just threw herself into Mai’s waiting arms. The other girl hugged Azula back tightly.
“I'm here, Azula,” Mai whispered. “I love you and I'm here.”
Azula buried her face into Mai’s sweet smelling hair. She let herself find comfort in her girlfriend’s embrace, until her emotions calmed and she was ready to pull away.
“Thanks,” Azula whispered.
Mai smiled at her, placing her hand against Azula's cheek.
“Anytime, love,” she said softly.
Azula smiled. With Mai here, it felt like things could be alright.
After that, it was time for the next fight. Mai and Azula lined up, ready to spar. As they settled into their stances, Azula had to force herself not to be distracted by the fierce look on Mai’s face and the way she wielded her knives like they were an extension of herself.
Beautiful.
Ty Lee’s voice cut through the princess’s thoughts.
“Ready…set…go!”
Azula was immediately put on the defensive as Mai rapidly shot knives at her. Azula was left to spin and dodge, before sending out several targeted blasts of flame. Mai jumped out of the way, continuing to throw knives as she lunged forward. Avoiding them, Azula sent out a massive blast of fire, forcing Mai back. She knew that Mai was more talented than her at hand to hand, meaning Azula couldn't let her girlfriend get too close. So the princess went on the offensive, launching blast after blast of blue fire at Mai, preventing her from making too much progress forward.
One of the attacks very nearly hit Mai, and Azula had just enough time to be worried before Mai ducked and rolled out of the way. The noble lady hid behind a rock, shielding herself from Azula's fire blasts. Azula briefly stopped her attack. If this were a real enemy, she would blow up the rock with a blast of lightning. However, the resulting explosion could seriously hurt Mai, so Azula paused, catching her breath as she considered her options.
As she did so, Mai took the opportunity to peek out from behind the rock, sending out a flurry of knives. Azula dodged one, just to land in the path of another. It cut through her leg, leaving a deep gash. It was incredibly painful, but if there was one thing Ozai's treatment was good for, it was building up extreme pain tolerance. Azula refused to let the wound slow her down as she jumped into the air, propelling herself up with a blast of fire. When she was high enough, she sent a huge wave of flame down on Mai.
The girl didn't expect an attack from above, and there was no time to dodge. Mai curled herself into a ball, shielding her face and vitals from damage as fire rained down on her. Azula watched on in horror as she realized what was going to happen.
Mai screamed in agony as the fire hit her, leaving brutal burns all across her back. Her tortured screams shattered Azula as the princess landed beside her girlfriend.
“Mai!” she sobbed. “Mai, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! It'll be okay, I'll fix this!”
There, standing over Mai’s injured body, all of Lee's lessons came together. Acting on instinct, her bending fueled by her desperate love and protectiveness, Azula bent waves of heat through the chi paths of Mai’s body. Slowly, too slowly, the wounds started to heal. Then, Lee's voice cut through Azula's concentration.
“Azula, stop!” he cried. “This is a really serious injury, you should let me do it.”
Azula bit back her instinctive desire to protect Mai herself, recognizing the sense in Lee's command. The princess stepped back and watched as Lee took a deep breath and began to heal Mai. He was careful but thorough, healing muscle, tendons and skin until all that was left were the vivid red scars trailing across her back.
Lee let out a deep, rattling breath. “I’m done,” he told Mai, who looked dazed and shaken, her face even paler than usual.
“You're going to be okay,” Lee promised the girl. “With a little physical therapy, there won't be any permanent damage.”
Mai looked gratefully at Lee as the boy helped her up. “Thanks,” she said. “I'm lucky to have you as a friend.”
Then she turned to Azula. The princess drank in the sight of Mai, miraculously whole and unhurt. Azula could feel her whole body shaking, and tears poured down her face.
Mai looked lovingly into Azula's eyes. She pressed her hand against Azula's cheek.
“It's okay,” she whispered. “I'm okay.”
“I hurt you,” Azula breathed out, horrified. “You- you were burned and in pain and… and I did that to you.”
“Hey, hey, it's okay,” Mai told her. “You didn't mean to. People get hurt sparring. I mean, I hurt you, too,” she said, gesturing at the cut on Azula's leg.
“Right, let me take a look at that,” Lee said. He looked at it for a minute before saying, “I think it's minor enough that you can give it a shot.”
Azula nodded. After the horrifying sight of Mai, burned and in agony, Azula’s drive to learn fire healing was stronger than ever. She needed to protect Mai, needed to protect all the people she cared about.
Taking a deep breath, Azula bent heat through the chi paths of her leg, urging the wound to close. Slowly it began to heal, the skin knitting back together until all that was left was a jagged scar.
Lee grinned at her. “That was amazing, Azula!” he cried. “You'll master this in no time.”
Azula nodded sharply. “I have to,” she said. “I can't…I can't let something like this happen again.”
“Azula, please don't blame yourself,” Mai told her.
“But I'm supposed to protect you, not hurt you,” Azula choked out.
Mai pressed their foreheads together. “We protect each other,” she said. “And sparring is part of that. If I don't learn to fight in a safe environment, I could be killed in a real battle.”
Normally Azula would agree, but with Mai's screams echoing in her head, all she could do was cling desperately to her girlfriend.
“I'm okay, I'm safe,” Mai assured her. “I'm not leaving you.”
“You can't get hurt like that, Mai, you can't,” Azula choked out. “I don't ever want to see you like that again.”
“Everyone gets hurt,” Mai told her. “And it is not your fault.”
“It was this time.”
“I chose to fight you, love,” Mai said. “I knew I could get hurt, but I still chose to fight. That was my choice. And I know you didn't mean to hurt me.”
“Never,” Azula swore.
“So it's fine,” Mai told her. “Everything’s going to be fine.”
With that, Azula broke down. Sobbing, she clung desperately to her girlfriend, tears soaking into Mai’s burned silk robes. The other girl held Azula tightly against her chest as she cried.
“I'll love you until the eternal flame goes out,” Mai whispered.
“I'll love you until the eternal flame goes out,” Azula echoed back.
She would, too. Azula would love and protect her team as long as she was alive. The princess was going to do everything she could to make sure that her team would survive this war.
Because she couldn't watch another loved one die.
Notes:
I hope you liked the chapter! I wanted a bonding scene with the whole group, to show that they're all friends now, and to show a little more of Azula's relationship with Mai and Ty Lee.
Anyways, the plot's going to start kicking in a little starting next chapter. I wanted to establish the relationships between all the characters in this section, before things started changing. For better? For worse? You'll have to wait and see. ;)
Chapter 34: The Rise of the Blue Spirit
Summary:
Zuko is tired of the injustice.
Notes:
It's 3:40 and this is literally the first time I was free the whole day. Shit's been crazy lately, and I'm trying to get things in order before things go either really right or really wrong.
If things go completely right, I should have an apartment by next Friday, and be able to stay in the shelter long enough to end up there!!! Which is good, because I'm SO done with both being homeless, and this shelter. I keep getting called slurs and the other youth keep moving my mobility aids, because the people at the shelter SUCK. But if things go wrong, and the wrinkles in the application process keep happening, or I don't end up getting the apartment, then I'm losing my spot at the shelter on Tuesday and will be sleeping on the streets for about six weeks, and likely won't find another accessible apartment in my area for several more months. And let me tell you, as toxic as shelters are, sleeping outside is often worse. I'll be finding out Tuesday what the answer is.
So yeah. All my fingers are crossed, my hopes are high, my anxiety is high, and my patience is at its limit. Wish me luck, because I kind of need it.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Zuko smiled to himself as he made his way into the local market. Knowing Zuko didn’t make money as an indentured servant, the other staff had taken to asking Zuko to do certain chores in order to earn a little cash. Right now, Akari wanted him to pick up groceries for her on his day off. The task was a bit stressful, what with all the people, but markets also tended to make Zuko think of his first date with Sokka. Plus, there was something incredible about seeing the wealth of easily available goods after so long in the austerity of the prison camp. So overall, one of the more pleasant tasks Zuko had done for his fellow servants.
Zuko was carefully looking over the produce in one stall when he saw something out of the corner of his eye. His nerves were immediately on alert as he eased himself into a hidden corridor, heart racing. A guard captain was coming.
The firebender tried to calm himself. It was likely just a simple patrol. Guards were commonplace, especially in the capital, so chances were nothing would happen. Still, Zuko couldn’t bring himself to get out of his hiding place. It left him in the perfect position to overhear what was about to happen.
“Now, now, what do we have here,” the captain said with a leer.
“I already paid you this month,” came the shopkeeper’s shaky voice.
“Ah, but I heard that you had particularly good sales lately,” said the captain. “And it would truly be a shame if anything were to happen to that lovely family of yours, wouldn’t it?”
The woman looked petrified at the captain’s words.
“Please, don’t hurt them,” she whispered.
“I’d rather not have a reason to,” the captain said with a cruel grin. “But if you don’t pay up…who knows what might happen?”
“This isn’t legal,” the shopkeeper said with an impressive amount of courage despite her terror and the dangerous situation.
The captain laughed. “I’m an officer, and you’re just a simple peasant. Do you really think anybody cares what I do to you?”
Quick as a whip, the man reached forwards, grabbing the woman’s chin harshly in his hand.
“You are nothing compared to me,” he hissed. “You can do nothing.”
The hopelessness of the shopkeeper’s face cut through to Zuko’s heart. The lady was clearly as aware as the rest of them just how little the legal system cared for the protection of civilians. This officer could do whatever he pleased to her, and she clearly knew it. A resigned, hopeless expression flitted across the lady’s face as she made her way to a chest, unlocking it and handing it over to the man. The soldier wore a slimy grin as he took fistfulls of money and shoved them into his pocket, before handing back the almost empty chest.
“A pleasure as always,” the man said smugly. “I’ll see you next month.”
The woman looked furiously at the man, but did nothing as he made his way back through the street, whistling merrily.
Breathing out shakily, Zuko slinked out of his hiding spot and continued his shopping. As he went, he couldn’t help but spot the same awful soldier making rounds across the market, his coin purse getting fuller as he went.
Intense anger burned through Zuko. This man had no right to do this, no right to hurt innocent people, but he was, and he was going to get away with it. The corruption in the system guaranteed it. There was absolutely nothing the commoners could do to stop it. No way to fix it. No way to make this better.
Just like everything else in the Fire Nation, it was broken, and the people suffered.
⽕
Something had been weighing on Zuko since he saw what happened in the market. He had been so caught up in his new life and his new friends that he had forgotten his roots. Like it or not, Zuko wasn't raised a prince. Not really. He was raised a criminal and a traitor by a family of misfits in the worst prison in the world. And if there was one thing they raised him to believe, it was that there was no need to respect laws that didn't uphold the needs of the people.
Zuko wasn't like his friends, who wanted to change things from the inside, who planned to work within the system and follow the rules until the group could change them. He was the sort of person to say “fuck the rules,” and take justice into his own hands. Zuko had been too afraid of losing what he had, too focused on protecting his friends that he forgot about all the other people that needed protecting.
His dead family weren't exactly protectors. They were just a ragtag group of angry civilians who held no respect for the system. But there was a certain kind of justice they carried all the same. Rani taught Zuko that some people deserved to die. Simran taught him that the only people who benefited from the current system were the rich and powerful. Navagiaq showed the former prince that those who were different were treated unfairly. And every one of them taught Zuko that if he wanted things to change, he had to change them himself.
Maybe if Zuko was raised a prince, he would think differently. Maybe he would think that the powerful deserved respect, that laws needed to be followed. But he was raised a criminal, and instead of believing in the power of the system, he believed in the power of justice. In the power of people willing to look at a broken system and say “no more.”
Zuko was Rani’s vengeance, Navagiaq's loyalty and Simran’s wits. He was their anger and their kindness and their justice, and a little something all his own.
As Zuko lay in his bed, Navagiaq's words from that first day ran through his head.
“You're going to be the best of all of us.”
Zuko grabbed his swords and his mask. It was time for justice. It was time for vengeance. It was time to show the world who he had become.
It was time for the Blue Spirit to rise.
⽕
Zuko slunk through the shadows, heading towards the place he knew the captain lived. The night was quiet, and so was Zuko as he jumped from roof to roof, making his way through the city unseen and unheard.
When the teen reached the correct house, he crept along the outside, peering in each window until he found the right one. Once he did, Zuko lifted open the window, slipping inside. With light feet, he walked over to the sleeping captain, before knocking the man viciously over the head with the butt of his sword, hard enough to be certain that the man would not wake up anytime soon. Then the firebender chained up the man and slung him over his shoulder before leaving through the window.
Zuko took a different route this time, making his way out of the city to a cliff overlooking the sea. Then, there was nothing to do but wait.
After about an hour, the man stirred. His eyes burst open, carrying the fearful look of prey caught in a trap. Zuko stalked closer to the captain.
“You've been taking from people who have nothing left to give,” he said, his voice harsh.
“I haven't! I haven't, let me go!” the other man cried desperately.
In a flash, Zuko lunged forward, bringing down his sword, cutting a deep gash into the man's thigh. The captain screamed in pain as Zuko watched.
“I don't like liars, Captain,” he hissed.
If the soldier looked scared before, now he was absolutely petrified.
“W-what do you want?” the man asked, voice trembling.
Zuko looked coldly at the man from behind his mask. “You will return every coin you stole. And you will never take from the poor again.”
“But-but I already spent most of it!” the man protested.
Zuko shrugged. “Then go broke paying off your debts. A fair fate for your crime.”
“If I do that, will you-will you leave me alone?” the man said, voice trembling.
“Oh, I think you misunderstood this situation,” Zuko hissed. “You're not in a position to make demands. So here's how things will go.
“I will not kill you…this time. If you step one toe out of line, do one thing that would displease me, one thing that goes against the people you are supposed to protect, then you will be a dead man.”
The soldier nodded vigorously. “Thank you, thank you for your mercy,” he blubbered.
“I'm not done,” spat Zuko. “See, I know a weasel-snake when I see one. I think after some time, you might ‘forget’ our deal. So in the interest of saving myself time, I think you could use a permanent reminder.”
With that, Zuko brought his sword down again. In an instant, the man's left hand was severed, and the captain's screams once more pierced through the night. Then, because Zuko didn't want to kill the man if he didn't have to, the teen lit his hands ablaze and pressed them to both the man's wounds, cauterizing them.
Maybe his actions should have sickened him, but Zuko was not the innocent child he used to be. His actions may be extreme, but so was war. So was injustice. Zuko would do what must be done.
When Zuko stepped back, the captain was barely conscious.
“Who-who are you?” the man asked, terrified.
“I am the Blue Spirit,” Zuko said. “And I am the world's reckoning.”
With that, Zuko once again slammed his sword into the captain's temple, and watched as he crumpled to the ground, unconscious. But he had one final thing to do. He dragged the unconscious man back to the plaza in the center of the city, where he would be in plain view once everyone woke. He chained the captain to a rail and used a spare knife to carve a message into the stone beneath the man's feet. Then, mission completed for the day, Zuko disappeared into the darkness and made his way back to his small bedroom to get a few hours of sleep before his shift.
Maybe this hadn’t been the right thing to do. But were his actions really that different from what he did during the escape? There are times when you have to fight back, times where violence was necessary. Zuko’s actions weren’t those of a hero, but right now the world didn't need a hero. It needed a vigilante of vengeance, and Zuko would take up the mantle.
As the former prince went to sleep, he thought of the message he had left for the world to find.
The Blue Spirit comes for all who target the innocent and commit injustice.
Be careful, Fire Nation. I am always watching.
Notes:
I know Zuko's a little out of character here- it wasn't my best job of easing him into that sort of role, but I liked what I wrote too much to change much. I intended for a long time for him to take this route. One of the main themes I wanted to explore in this story is also something I've been grappling with- how to be moral in an immoral world.
The world is not moral- or rather, the systems in place are not, and it allows immoral people to hold a great amount of power. So within that framework, how do you remain moral? The Blue Spirit is part of that exploration. In immoral worlds where justice is not provided by the system, sometimes the only way to get justice is through violence. In an immoral world where laws do not uphold the needs of the people, sometimes the best way to be moral and to survive is to break the law. And in an immoral world, oftentimes things will not change without violent actions. Revolutions are not bloodless, and expecting bloodless justice and bloodless change in a deeply immoral system is unrealistic, and I wanted to explore the idea of justice and morality within those parameters.
Anyways, tell me what you thought, and if you're excited for some more Blue Spirit action!
Chapter 35: Tell Me Your Story (I Wish That I Could)
Summary:
Zuko and Sokka have an argument.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Since he started, Zuko had been going out as the Blue Spirit almost every other night. It helped that Azula was finally getting the hang of fire healing, so Zuko could make a couple excuses and lower the amount of times they met in a week.
Being the Blue Spirit made Zuko feel like he was finally making a difference, but his actions sometimes unsettled him a little. On good days, he felt like he was fulfilling his purpose, protecting people and remaining true to his identity. On bad days, Zuko wondered if he was a monster for the violence he willingly committed. Still, he knew that as the Blue Spirit, Zuko could make a difference. He had saved people from attacks, redistributed wealth, and scared off twisted people from continuing to hurt others.
He had started to make a name for himself, too. There were whispers of the Blue Spirit on the streets. People spoke softly, carefully, but Zuko could tell that most were grateful for his interference. So while Zuko may go to bed exhausted and sore each night, he was satisfied with his actions.
It didn't even occur to Zuko to feel guilty for keeping his actions a secret from his team. He was used to lies and secrets; they had been in his blood for a long time. There were things his team just wouldn't understand, and other things Zuko just couldn't tell them. So he didn't even really consider the price of his choices until Sokka sat him down one night.
“Lee, we need to talk,” he said heavily.
Zuko's heart beat faster at Sokka's words. He desperately hoped Sokka wasn't breaking up with him. They had been together for a few months now, and Zuko knew he truly loved his boyfriend.
“What is it?” Zuko asked nervously.
Sokka sat down next to Zuko beside Lu Ten’s monument.
“I love you, and I want to know you, but I feel like you're keeping secrets from me. Important secrets.”
Sokka took a deep breath. “I don't mind you having some secrets. But sometimes…sometimes I'm scared that maybe I don't know you.”
“Of course you know me,” Zuko assured him. “I keep secrets, sure, but you still know who I am.”
Sokka met Zuko, and his eyes were sad.
“I know,” he said, “or at least, I think I do. But you're clearly holding a lot back, and it makes me feel like you don't trust me.”
Zuko bit his lip. “It's not that I don't trust you,” he started hesitantly. “It's just that, I can't tell you everything.”
“I know you can't tell me about some aspects of your past, to protect people,” Sokka said, “and I know certain things are hard to talk about. But, Lee, you're holding a lot back.”
Zuko looked away. “Sokka, you don't understand-”
“Then make me understand!” Sokka cried. “Just talk to me, Lee!”
Zuko felt his anger rising. “I do talk to you!” he snapped. “I've told you about my family, about prison-”
“Barely,” Sokka argued. “You've mentioned them, but there's so much you won't tell me!”
“Because you wouldn't get it!” Zuko cried. “How could you?”
“What, because you've just had things so much worse than me?” Sokka snapped.
“No, because you're a fucking noble!”
“That's what this is about?” said Sokka. “What does the class difference even matter?”
“What does it matter? What does it matter?” said Zuko incredulously. “In case you've forgotten, if anyone finds out we're dating, I'll be fucking killed!”
“I wouldn't let that happen,” Sokka promised.
“Yeah, well there's a lot of things I wouldn't let happen if I could help it,” Zuko growled. “But what am I supposed to do? I'm just a peasant. And you're not.”
“So what?” Sokka cried.
“So you've got power!” Zuko said. “You've got power and influence and prosperity and it's made you blind!”
Sokka glared. “I'm not blind!”
“Yes, you are,” said Zuko, frustrated. “You've lived a great life in the Fire Nation, and now you can't see how awful it is here!”
“What do you mean?” Sokka said. “I know Azula, of course I understand the problems!”
“Do you?” Zuko said. “Do you really? Do you know what it's been like for me, what it's been like for the other servants, the other peasants, the other prisoners?”
Sokka looked uncertain. “I-”
Zuko glared. “No. You don't. You're so sure it's great here, that you don't even see how people are suffering. How could I explain my life, if you're so convinced the thing that broke me is good?”
Sokka looked unsteady at Zuko's accusations, but soon there was a flash of anger.
“I could understand, if you just talked to me!” he said.
“Why should I?” Zuko snapped. “Why is it my job to teach you that blind loyalty is a bad idea? Isn't it kind of obvious?”
“I’m not blindly loyal!” Sokka argued. “And if there’s really so much I don’t know about, just tell me!”
“I can’t,” Zuko muttered.
Sokka’s expression softened, and he offered Zuko his hand. Zuko clasped it gently.
“Please, Lee, why won’t you just talk to me?” Sokka said quietly.
“Because I don’t want to!” Zuko said, the bitter truth bubbling out of him.
“Why not?” asked Sokka.
“Because it’s complicated, and painful, and I’m…I’m scared,” Zuko admitted, voice small.
Sokka grimaced. “Shit,” he swore. “I…I didn’t mean to push you towards something you weren’t ready for,” he said.
Zuko squeezed his boyfriend’s hand. “And I didn’t mean to hurt you by keeping secrets.”
Sokka smiled sadly. He took their enjoined hands and pressed it to his lips. “I know, darling. But it still hurts.”
“Part of me wants to tell you,” Zuko admitted. “But it’s hard to talk about.”
“Is it…related to your trauma?” Sokka asked quietly.
“Yeah,” Zuko said shakily.
Sokka nodded. “I won’t force you to talk about anything,” he said, “but it might help to share.”
“Maybe,” Zuko whispered. “But I don’t…I don’t want to think about it.”
And I’m scared of what you’ll think of me after.
That was the root of it, even more than the memories being painful, and just as much as his fear of Ozai’s actions if he knew. The truth was that Zuko was a traitor, and Sokka was deeply loyal to his country. What would his boyfriend think of Zuko if he knew how much he hated the Fire Nation’s actions? And what if Sokka heard about Zuko’s suffering in the camps and still supported the Fire Nation? Zuko didn’t think he could live with that. So he couldn’t tell Sokka.
Azula was a bit less loyal to the country than Sokka, due to her personal struggles, but she still believed in the war, in her country’s greatness. Zuko didn’t know how much his sister knew about the suffering the Fire Nation caused, but he was scared that she supported it. And he was scared of what would happen if she knew Zuko’s real identity.
Would Azula accept her brother back, even after all these years? Or would she blame him, like Zuko blamed himself, for not being there to protect her? Worse, what if she decided she didn’t want Zuko in her life anymore, or if she thought the Fire Nation’s actions against her older brother were just? Zuko thought his heart would break if those things happened. So he couldn’t tell Azula.
No, the safest thing for Zuko was to keep his secrets to himself. His team didn’t need to know who Zuko really was, they didn’t need to know his political beliefs, and they definitely didn’t need to know what Zuko was doing while the city was sleeping.
Zuko ignored the tiny voice in his head that said that, sooner or later, keeping so many secrets was going to have consequences.
“I don’t want to make you share things you aren’t ready for,” Sokka told him, “but I wish you would let me in.”
Zuko blinked tears out of his eyes. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I wish I could, too.”
“Do you think you’ll ever be ready to tell me?” Sokka asked.
“I don’t know,” Zuko admitted softly. “I’ve kept so many secrets for so long…”
“Yeah,” said Sokka. “I get that. Azula used to be the same way.”
Zuko looked at his boyfriend desperately. “How was she able to stop? How did she trust it would be okay?”
“I don’t think she knew it was going to be okay,” said Sokka softly. “I think she was just tired of being alone.”
“Yeah,” Zuko whispered. “Me, too.”
Sokka asked before kissing his forehead gently, and Zuko felt a small smile flicker across his face.
“You’re not alone, darling,” he said. “You’ve got me, Azula, Mai and Ty Lee. You’re not alone anymore.”
“I know,” said Zuko. “But it doesn’t always feel like it.”
“Then we’ll have to keep showing you that we’re not going anywhere,” Sokka declared. The other boy looked softly at Zuko. “I’m not going anywhere.” Sokka stared deeply into Zuko’s eyes. “Kiss me?” he asked.
Zuko answered without words. He surged forward, and Sokka met him there, clinging tightly to Zuko’s thin body as their lips met. Zuko deepened the kiss, trying to pour every ounce of love he had into the other boy.
I’m here, he wanted to stay. And I’ll stay as long as you’ll have me.
The two of them kissed desperately on the memorial hill, until Zuko was finally forced to come up for air.
“You’re perfect,” he breathed.
Sokka laughed. “Hardly.”
“Well, you’re perfect for me,” Zuko said.
At that, Sokka pulled Zuko in for another deep kiss, full of love and desire and want. Zuko wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, trying to pull him impossibly closer. His thoughts were all taken up in the feel of Sokka’s lips on his, in the lean muscle pressed against Zuko’s body, in the heat of Sokka’s skin and the desperate passion of the moment.
Sokka, Sokka, Sokka, thought Zuko giddily, his mind enveloped by the thought of his boyfriend. He’s perfect, so perfect for me.
Finally, after several minutes of the glorious feeling of Sokka pressed against him, the two pulled apart. Zuko pressed his forehead against Sokka’s, breathing heavily. He could feel Sokka’s warm breath against his skin, and when he looked into his boyfriend’s eyes, he was struck still by the devotion on Sokka’s face.
“You’re perfect for me, too,” Sokka whispered, nuzzling him. Zuko grinned.
“I love you, Starlight,” he said gently.
“I love you too, Sunshine,” Sokka said, smiling back.
With that, the two let their argument fall to the wayside as they enjoyed each other’s company and the burning joy and love that they found in each other. For the moment, it was all perfectly imperfect, just like the two of them, just like the connection they shared, and just like the peace that they found together, in the midst of a broken world.
Notes:
So I'm not being kicked out of the shelter until Friday, and the application for the apartment has gone through! It's not been accepted yet, so it's not a definite thing, but the problem that was freezing the application has been fixed! Anyways, all my fingers are crossed, because, surprising no one, being homeless is not enjoyable.
Anyways, I hope you liked the chapter! I'd say see you Friday, but I might have stuff going on that day- either moving into an apartment, or, more likely, getting things in order to be on the streets for a bit. So I can't guarantee it'll be on time this Friday, but I'll post the next chapter as close to on time as I can. Just figured I should give a heads up, because this week is looking to be pretty crazy, and it might affect my posting schedule a bit.
Chapter 36: Do We Choose Our Path?
Summary:
Azula gets a mission from Ozai.
Notes:
Ah, another rare day where I've slept well enough to post in the morning. Probably better than the 11:50 pm update I did once, but I personally don't care when I post. As long as it's still the right day (in my time zone), it's on time.
Anyways, hope the non-insomniacs among you enjoy a chapter NOT posted in the middle of the night. I hope you like it!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Azula’s heart beat rapidly in her chest as she made her way to the throne room. Ozai had requested her there again, which could only mean one thing. Still, Azula desperately hoped it was one of the rare instances where the Firelord wanted a private meeting for something other than a punishment. Yet Azula knew the chances of that were small, so she braced herself as best as possible before entering the room where the Firelord lay waiting.
Ozai sat on his throne, a raised seat separated from his subjects by a blazing wall of fire. It was an intimidating sight, one that seemed to perfectly reflect the power and cruelty that Ozai wielded. Azula walked to her expected place in front of the throne and knelt before her monarch. She was already forcing her mind to detach as she prepared for what was to come.
“Princess Azula,” came Ozai’s voice. “You are my loyal daughter, are you not?”
“Yes, Your Majesty,” Azula declared. “I live to serve you.”
“Indeed,” came Ozai’s satisfied voice. “And you have done a fine job so far.”
“I am honored to receive praise from one as magnificent as you,” Azula told him.
The familiar promises and flattery slipped from Azula’s lips as easily as breathing, but she didn’t feel them. Even the terror was muted as Ozai rose from his seat and through the flames to stand in front of her. He held out a hand.
“Rise, my daughter,” he said, his voice dripping with false affection. Azula grabbed his hand, refusing to show her disgust at his touch as she rose to her feet.
“There is a task I need done, Princess Azula,” Ozai told her. “One I can only trust with you.”
Azula let a look of eagerness and devotion cover her face as she began to speak.
“How may I serve you, Your Majesty?” she asked.
Ozai sneered, face twisting as he spoke. “The Avatar has eluded my forces. This monster must be stopped at any cost, to pave the way for our ultimate victory.”
A fake smile, sinister in its gentleness, crossed Ozai’s face as he regarded Azula. “The Avatar must be wiped out, and you are the only person I trust to do it.”
Azula’s mouth felt dry. She was an incredible fighter, but the Avatar was likely beyond even her abilities. She could easily die on this task, and Ozai clearly knew it, too. Still, part of Azula had known that this day was coming. There was no chance that she would be able to sit out the war. It was part of the reason she trained so hard; to prepare for the day she would be forced into battle to prove her worth. Now, it seemed, was the time, and the battle would be far more dangerous than Azula had anticipated.
Swallowing down her fear, Azula bowed.
“It will be an honor to perform this duty for you, Your Majesty,” she said.
“Yes,” Ozai said smoothly. “It will.”
Smiling sharply, Ozai spoke with a harsh sweetness as he issued his ultimatum. “Failure is not an option, Princess Azula. You will return victorious, or you will not return at all.”
“I understand,” Azula replied.
“Good,” Ozai said smugly. “Now go prepare. Your boat leaves at seven tonight.”
A spark of panic ran through Azula. There was almost no time to get ready for the trip, and her heart pounded as she realized the possibility of leaving a member of her team behind. There was no room to delay, because if she couldn’t get her friends to leave on time, they would not be coming with her at all. So Azula practically ran through the halls to send off a letter to each of her friends. Azula attached a special ribbon they used when an immediate meeting was required, so she knew her team would come as soon as they saw. Then Azula made her way to the sitting room to wait.
After an excruciating hour, Mai, Ty Lee and Sokka burst into the room. Azula looked desperately at them.
“Ozai is sending me away,” she said, voice shaking. “He wants me to kill the Avatar.”
Her team’s eyes grew wide at the implications. It was unlikely Azula would be able to take down an Avatar by herself, and reports claimed he was not alone, either.
“I need your help,” Azula admitted. “I don’t want to put you in danger, but-”
“But you won’t survive this without help,” Mai said quietly.
“Yeah,” Azula choked out.
The group nodded. “When do we leave?” asked Sokka.
“In four hours,” Azula said. Sokka swore and Mai and Ty Lee paled.
“That’s not much time,” Ty Lee pointed out nervously.
“We’ll make it work,” insisted Mai.
“Yeah,” said Sokka, with false confidence. “I’ll just go home to pack and say goodbye to my parents. I’ll be back here in like, two hours.”
Azula nodded shakily.
“Wait,” said Ty Lee. “Where’s Lee?”
“He hasn’t shown up yet,” admitted Azula. The group exchanged nervous glances.
“He’s probably on duty today,” Sokka said. “He might not have even received your message yet, much less been able to get away in time.”
“Not to mention he’s an indentured servant,” Mai pointed out. “He might not be able to come, anyways.”
“We should at least ask him,” Sokka said determinedly.
“But…he works for Ozai,” Ty Lee pointed out. “How could we even tell him safely?”
The group sat nervously with the question. It seemed more and more like Lee might accidentally get left behind.
“I’ll leave a message in his bedroom and under the loose tile in the training room,” Ty Lee offered. “And I’ll pack up his stuff so he can just grab it and go if he wants to come.”
“And I’ll try to go find him,” Azula said. “I’m the best at sneaking, and if I get caught, I'm the least likely to get in trouble.”
“Are you sure?” Mai asked softly. “That’s risky.”
“I’m sure,” Azula confirmed. “I don’t want to leave him behind.”
Mai nodded her assent.
“Okay, so we’ve got a plan,” said Azula. “Everyone, meet back here in two hours.”
With that, everyone split off. It would be close, they all knew it, and the chances of Lee coming along seemed slim. Still, they could only do so much, so Azula rushed off to pack, shoving clothes and supplies in a large silk rucksack before dumping the bag in her sitting room and rushing off to find Lee.
Azula slipped through the corridors, trying to track down her friend. He would likely be with Ozai, so she focused on tracking down the man. Luck wasn’t on her side, however, as she found the man alone in his chambers. Well, not alone, exactly. There was a servant in there with him, and the scene was horrifyingly familiar. Seeing her father and the servant, Azula’s mind drifted back to that awful day her brother died.
Ozai pinning Zuko down, raping him. Zuko spotting her through the crack in the door. Lightning striking Zuko straight in the heart.
Azula pushed away the horror and the memories, and shoved down the realization of what Ozai had been doing.
It’s not just me.
Azula couldn’t think about that now, however. Because the servant under Ozai wasn’t Lee, and even if Azula’s heart was breaking all over again, she had a mission, and she couldn’t stop, not even to process what she had just learned.
Rushing off, Azula went to check all the spots she could think of. Lee wasn’t in the kitchen, or the training courtyard, or his room, or even the hill he and Sokka met on. Azula tried to eavesdrop on the other servants, in hopes someone would mention something that would give Azula an idea of Lee’s whereabouts, but there was nothing. Azula searched for the whole two hours, but was eventually forced to go back to meet the rest of her friends.
“Did you find Lee?” Sokka asked.
“No,” Azula admitted. “I couldn’t find him anywhere.”
Sokka swore viciously, and Azula felt awfully close to joining him. Lee had become an essential part of their group, and none of them could stand the fact that they might have to leave him behind.
“I left the messages,” said Ty Lee. “If we’re lucky, he’ll find them and join us at the docks.”
The friends looked around at each other. None of them were feeling particularly lucky at the moment.
“We’ll just have to keep looking for him,” Mai declared stubbornly. “We’ve still got a few hours before we have to leave. Sokka, do you know where he might be?”
“He likes the hill by Lu Ten’s monument-”
“Checked that,” Azula said. “I also checked his room, the dining hall, all the corridors and the field that you and he spar at.”
Sokka bit his lip. “I really can’t think of anywhere else he would be, then,” he admitted. “My guess is it’s his day off, and he left the palace to go do something.”
“Maybe the market?” Ty Lee suggested.
“Yeah, maybe…” Sokka said.
“There’s a play in town, he likes those,” Azula pointed out.
“He likes practicing sparring outside, maybe that forest nearby,” Mai pointed out.
“Or the beach,” Sokka suggested.
The four of them looked at each other. “Guess we’re splitting up,” Azula said.
The group quickly dispersed, each going to check one of Lee’s possible locations. They were all in a rush, desperately hoping to find their missing friend before they would have to leave. Yet at the end of the ninety minutes of searching they had left, the group was forced to go to the docks alone.
The mood was grim in the face of their task and their missing friend. Azula had to admit, at least to herself, that she was terrified. Killing the Avatar was a massive and incredibly dangerous task, even with her friends beside her. The princess worried for all of their safeties on this mission, and she worried about Lee just as much, after what she had just seen. Chances were Lee was facing the same punishments she was, and Azula was leaving him behind to face them alone.
It was impossibly difficult, handling those sorts of things alone. Azula had suffered through it for far too long, before Sokka came around and set her straight. The princess knew that having her and her team there probably helped Lee cope with the struggle of suffering the horrific treatment Ozai gave those below him. Now, though, he would be facing this all alone.
Azula would have to send him letters, then. She was already planning on it, but it was more urgent in the face of this revelation. If Lee was to keep going, he would need to know he had people on his side.
Still, the princess’s heart ached at the knowledge that she was leaving her friend behind. She would miss Lee like a limb, just like she would for any other member of her team. Every member of the group was an essential part of Azula’s life, and she couldn’t stand the thought of losing any of them.
The princess comforted herself with the knowledge that Lee would just be away from her, not dead. It didn’t help, though, because she knew that any one of the people coming with her could die, too. Maybe Azula should have left them behind, but she couldn’t bear to. Besides, she knew that with her team beside her, they actually stood a chance. They had all been training for combat from a young age, and were the best fighters Azula knew. Together, they would be able to take the Avatar down. They had to. Azula had needed her team to keep her alive in the palace, and now she needed them to survive this, too.
As the anchor was lifted and the boat began to pull away from the docks, a heavy silence fell over her team. They all felt Lee’s absence like a wound. Especially Sokka, who was quietly crying as the ship pulled away.
“It’ll be okay, Socks,” Azula whispered to her brother.
“We’re leaving him behind, Zula!” Sokka cried. “He’s stuck in that awful palace, alone.”
Azula grimaced. “Yeah,” she whispered. “He is.” She raised her arms. “Bring it in.”
Sokka took her invitation, wrapping his arms around Azula and weeping into her hair.
“Agni, I miss him already,” he whispered. “I miss him, and I’m scared for where I’m leaving him behind.”
“We all are,” Mai said quietly. “But we can still keep in contact. We’ll send letters.”
“Lots of letters,” Ty Lee agreed.
Azula gripped her brother tighter. “We’ll be back,” she promised. “After we finish our mission, we’ll be back and we’ll see your boyfriend again.”
“I know,” Sokka choked out, “but that’s not good either. At least out here you’re away from Ozai.”
Azula blinked. She hadn’t really considered that, too caught up in the fear of her mission and the pain of losing Lee. It was true, though. Her team was planning on splitting up from the crew when they reached the Earth Kingdom, and Azula would be alone with no one but her friends. Alone with the people she knew would never hurt her.
For once, Azula would be safe.
The relief was overwhelming. For once, Azula would be free. Yet as soon as that thought came, it was followed by guilt. She may be safe, but her friend wasn’t.
“I just wish things were better,” Azula murmured.
“Yeah,” Sokka whispered. “Me, too.”
They weren’t, though. But since they couldn’t control the damage, they would have to learn to live with the aftermath. One way or another.
⽕
Zuko slipped through the corridors of the palace unseen. He had needed a day to unwind, so he had holed up in a secret room and read all day. It had helped, and the boy felt much more peaceful as he entered his room. Humming, he crawled under the bed and pulled up a floorboard he had loosened. In the space underneath, he had stored his Blue Spirit outfit and weapons. Today there was also a bag full of stolen food and money, which Zuko planned on redistributing to the poor.
Lugging his supplies behind him, Zuko crawled out from beneath the bed. He stood up, and that’s when he spotted it. Lying on his bed was a stuffed bag and a scroll. Zuko wasn’t sure why it was there, but he felt a strange sense of dread at the sight.
Brushing that off, Zuko unwound the scroll.
Lee, it read in Ty Lee’s fine calligraphy, something’s happened. Ozai is sending Azula away on a mission to kill the Avatar. I’m sure you understand how dangerous that is, so the rest of our friends decided to go with her. We stand a better chance together. Nobody could find you, but if you get this message in time, our ship leaves from the harbor at seven. The bag is your supplies, so you can grab it and go if you plan on coming.
I know you may not be able to join us, what with your indentured servitude, so you should know that no one will blame you if you choose to stay behind, or if you can’t make it in time. Know that whether or not you’re coming you’ll always be one of us, Lee.
Stay safe.
Your friend, Ty Lee.
Zuko felt numb as he finished reading. His friends were off on a dangerous mission, and he was left behind. Alone in the horrors of the palace, without the only things he stayed there for.
Would his friends be okay? Would the world be okay? Zuko was under no illusions of his friends’ power. If anyone could kill the Avatar, if anyone could shift the tides of the war, it was their team. The price of his sister’s success would be astronomical. Yet if Azula didn’t kill the Avatar, she would be in incredible danger from Ozai.
A million thoughts ran through Zuko’s head. He thought about the war and the way it was destroying the world. He thought about the Avatar, an innocent child stuck with an oppressive destiny. He remembered his family, who died because of the Fire Nation, and all the people Zuko had helped as a vigilante. Finally, Zuko considered his team, the people who mattered most to him. A group of people sent off on a deadly mission that could change everything.
Mind made up, Zuko strapped all his knives into hidden holsters under his robes, and slung his swords over his shoulder. He stuffed the Blue Spirit outfit and the food and money into the bag Ty Lee had packed for him. Then he slipped out of his room, silent and unseen, making his way through the shadows of the palace and towards the docks.
There was nothing left for Zuko in the Fire Nation, not without his friends. If he needed to leave, he may as well be useful. In the Earth Kingdom, there were millions suffering because of the war his ancestors wrought. And somewhere in that massive continent, the Avatar was looking for a teacher, unaware of the dangerous fighters preparing to kill him.
As much as Zuko wanted to join his team, that was not his destiny. He would not, could not attack a child, especially one who held the potential to end this massive war. Zuko was a traitor, not a prince, and he would not wage Ozai’s war.
The Avatar needed him. The world needed him. It was up to Zuko to answer the call. It was time for him to make his stand against the war.
He only hoped that his friends could forgive him for the side he chose.
Notes:
I hope you liked the chapter! We're officially beginning the next phase of the story. And for those wondering...next chapter Katara and Aang will be re-entering the story. Just a little thing to keep up your anticipation. ;)
As for my personal update, for those following along, my application for the apartment is being reviewed, and I'll find out in a few days. So, I'm not in the apartment yet, but because of a couple different factors, it looks really likely I'll get it, and I'll probably be able to move in next week! The shelter may or may not let me stay until then, I'm finding out in a little bit, but I've still got a tent and a graveyard, so I'll make it work.
Judging by how things went this week, I'll probably be able to post on time next week, but if I can't, I'm probably just dealing with some stuff- like I said, shit's been crazy. So I'll (probably) see you next week, but if not, I promise to post two chapters each day the week after that.
*Edit: The shelter will not let me stay a few more days. Graveyard here I come!
Chapter 37: Suffering Death, Suffering Life
Summary:
Katara and Aang reflect.
Notes:
Okay, so the update schedule might change soon. There's a possibility that I'll move to one update a week, probably on Fridays. If it happens, I'll either make this the only post of the week, and then skip the Tuesday updates for the next four weeks or so. I'll explain in the end notes, if you want to know, but for those who just want to read the fanfictionized version of my sob story, just know that it's up in the air right now and even if it does happen, I will aim to eventually return to biweekly updates.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Katara always felt at home around the sea and ice, surrounded by her element. Today, though, it did not calm her. Instead, she mourned on the shore beside the sea, alone.
She'd lost too much to the Fire Nation, already. Her brother, kidnapped when she was small. Her mother, killed a few years later. Her father, off to war with no way to know if he was dead or alive. And now, her friend, Princess Yue.
They had made plans. Yue had wanted to join her and Aang on their journey. She had wanted to escape an awful arranged marriage and to help save the world. Now, Yue had gone to a place Katara couldn't reach, just like so many others.
As Katara cried quietly by the shore, she heard footsteps approaching. She said nothing as Aang, her new family, sat beside her.
“Loss is hard,” Aang whispered. “It never leaves us. This war has caused too much pain for too many people. I know you've lost a lot, too.”
I have. I really have. Mom. Dad. Sokka.
It always came back to Sokka, her first loss, and her deepest. That was her brother, the one who cleaned her cuts, told stupid jokes to make her laugh, hugged her when she cried, and loved her more than anything in the world.
And he was gone.
Aang let out a deep breath. “The ones we've lost will always be with us. We carry them in our thoughts and memories.”
“It's not enough,” Katara murmured.
Aang sighed. “Not always.” He looked at her with the deep wisdom he rarely showed behind the goofy kid he was.
“You're grieving Yue…but you're also grieving your mother right now. Am I right?”
Katara hesitated. Maybe after everything, it was time for Aang to know the truth. Her deepest, most painful loss that she couldn't even bear to talk about.
“...No. Not much. Not her.”
Aang blinked. “Then…who?”
Katara held back the tears that threatened to fall.
“Years and years ago…I had a brother.”
Aang looked at her with wide eyes. “You never said.”
Katara closed her eyes tightly. “My mother…I miss her. I need to talk about it, so she won't be forgotten. But my brother…it hurts too much to even think about him. I can't let myself feel it, or I'll break apart and be no use to anyone.”
Aang took her hand. “You need to talk about it, Katara. Otherwise it'll tear you apart from the inside. I think it already has.”
Clasping onto Aang's hand like a lifeline, Katara nodded.
“It has. But the tribe needs me whole, you need me whole, the whole world needs me whole. I can't face it, not while you all need me.”
“Katara,” Aang said softly, “you matter too. Please, just tell me about it, just a little. You shouldn't have to carry this loss alone.”
That was what finally did it, and Katara burst into heavy, heartbreaking sobs. She threw herself into Aang's waiting arms. The airbender held her as Katara wept, letting out some of the pain she had carried alone for so long.
“I'm here, Katara,” he whispered. “I'm here for you.”
By the frozen shore of the Northern Water Tribe, Katara held onto her friend, as if his arms could protect her from the loss and death that the Fire Nation carried everywhere. Katara held Aang and she cried, until she finally pulled away. The waterbender took a deep breath. Katara looked into Aang's wide grey eyes, but she was really thinking of her brother's golden ones.
“His name was Sokka,” she whispered. “He was my favorite person in the world.”
“Tell me about him,” Aang requested softly.
Katara let out a wet laugh. “He was kind and loving. He'd tell all sorts of stupid jokes and he was always hungry. Sokka was there for me no matter what.”
Aang smiled gently at her. “He sounds wonderful.”
“He was,” Katara choked out. “But when I was four, something changed. He started pushing everyone away. He was still there for me, but he was lying and keeping secrets. Three years later, I found out he had been sneaking out at night, and I followed him.”
“What did you see?” asked Aang quietly.
A small smile overtook Katara's face. “It was amazing,” she breathed. “He was bending, merging nonbender fighting with waterbending forms. It was like he was one with his element. He looked so happy.”
“Your brother was like you? A waterbender?” Aang breathed.
“No,” Katara said quietly. “He was a firebender.”
The airbender gasped. “But…how?”
Breathing out, Katara steadied herself for the first truly hard part of this story.
“He told me Hakoda wasn’t his father, and that…not everyone has a choice,” she admitted painfully.
When Aang's eyes widened, Katara knew he understood.
“He was still one of us, you know?” the waterbender told Aang. “He was Southern Water Tribe, just as much as me. But he was so scared that he didn't belong because of his ancestry and his bending that he told me not to tell anybody about his gift. I promised I wouldn't.”
Katara took a deep rattling breath. “I lied.”
“That's not necessarily a bad thing,” Aang pointed out. “It sounds like his secrets were making things worse for him.”
“They were. I still think things would have gotten better afterwards, but…they didn't have a chance.”
Tears started welling up in Katara’s eyes as she got to the truly painful part of the story.
Wherever you are, whether you're alive or in the spirit world or gone from existence, please forgive me, Sokka, Katara thought.
“After I told, Sokka and I had a fight. I told him I hated him,” Katara choked out.
Aang's face was grim but sympathetic. “It was in the heat of the moment. I'm sure he knew you didn't mean it.”
“You don't understand!” Katara cried, the iceberg behind her cracking her in her turmoil. “That was the last thing I ever said to him! He's gone and that was the last thing I ever said!”
“...oh,” said Aang in a small voice.
“I ran away to calm down, and I missed it. I missed it! I could have helped, but I missed it because I was too angry for such a stupid reason!” Katara shouted.
“You were a child,” Aang said softly. “There was nothing you could have done.”
“I could have tried! I could have done something, anything!” screamed Katara.
“No, Katara,” Aang told her. “You would have died. Just like he did.”
“No,” Katara said, tears running down her cheeks. “They didn't kill him. They took him.”
“What?” Aang breathed.
“It's what they do to benders from the Southern Water Tribe,” Katara choked out. “Sokka tried to help the men fight the Fire Nation, but as soon as the soldiers saw him bending, they captured him. Hakoda and the others tried to save my brother, but they were too late.”
“But isn't that better?” Aang asked. “You can find him again some day.”
“No,” Katara said heavily. “It's worse. They would have put him in a prison camp in the colonies. We don't know much but…they're inescapable, and being there is a fate worse than you can imagine. He’s probably dead, but only after months or even years of being beaten and burned and starved and sexually assaulted over and over again until he broke.”
“Guanyin,” Aang breathed. “I had no idea.”
“It would be better if he died when the raiders came,” Katara choked out. “Maybe if he died, he would have joined our ancestors in the spirit world, and been happy there. Maybe he wouldn’t have had to suffer.”
Aang wrapped Katara in a soft hug. “I'm so sorry, Katara,” he whispered to her.
“Yeah,” Katara said, clinging back to him tightly. “Me, too.”
වාත
Aang was still reeling from everything Katara had revealed. It was awful, it was horrific, but in a strange way, it helped him understand his friend better. Katara had always carried this heavy grief in her, this palpable sense of loss and guilt. Aang figured it was because her mother was killed and her father left, but the truth was even worse than that. Before even those horrors, Katara had suffered one she clearly found even worse. She had had the person she loved the most torn away from her and everyone who loved him, everything he'd ever known, to be tortured and slowly killed.
And wasn't that a revelation? Aang had understood that the Fire Nation had become twisted and out of balance, but he had no idea what they were truly doing. Creating camps designed to torture innocent people until they finally found relief in death; it was a cruelty Aang had never before imagined.
And Katara's own brother faced that fate.
She would have faced that fate, Aang realized, if anyone ever found out about her bending.
No wonder Katara's tribe was so protective of her. Guanyin, Aang thought what his people had suffered was horrific- and it was- but to find out about this latest cruelty…it hurt Aang to his core.
How could I have let this happen? Aang wondered. Because it was his fault. He ran away from his responsibilities, and the whole world had burned and broken in his absence.
Aang was a monster.
That realization broke something deep inside Aang, adding to the sharpness he had gained from the death of his entire people.
He had to fix this. He had to stop the war, to stop the fighting and the killing and the Guanyin-forsaken camps. The weight of the world had always been on Aang's shoulders, but now more than any time before, he felt its heft.
He had to fix things. Not just for his people and the world, but for Sokka. The poor young boy sentenced to a horror beyond imagining.
The world needed to be healed, and Aang was the only one who could do it. He just hoped he was strong enough to succeed.
Notes:
Okay, so for those looking for the explanation for the possible slow down in updates, here it is.
Basically, my stress level has been extremely high for the past month or so, due to problems in the application for the apartment, discrimination, hate speech and bullying at the homeless shelter, the homeless shelter kicking me out (see; discrimination), sleeping outside, and now not being able to use my wheelchair (it's carrying my stuff), which keeps me confined to walking small distances, with a safety risk even then. Once my stress level gets too high, it becomes extremely difficult, if not impossible, for me to write. So I haven't been able to get more chapters done in like a month. If I get the apartment, I'll be able to get back to writing, but if I don't, I'm going to slow down the updates so I won't have to go on hiatus while I'm dealing with stress induced writer's block.
I was supposed to hear back from the apartment complex by now, but there's some problems on their end, and I'm not sure exactly when I'm going to find out. If I don't hear back by Friday, or if the news is bad and it turns out I'll be staying on the streets for the next four-ish weeks until the other shelter opens, I'm going to not post this Friday. That being said, if things DO go well, I might still not post on Friday, in case I'll be busy moving in or something, or I don't get the extra editing the chapter needs done in time.
Either way, when I know for sure the update schedule going forward, I'll put it in the author's notes again. Also, I hope you'll be understanding if I struggle to post the updates on time even still; things are a bit crazy right now, and sleeping outside is not great for one's mental health. I'm doing my best, but at the end of the day, this fanfiction is NOT my number one priority, so there may be days where I post off-schedule or miss a week. I hope you're understanding, and if you aren't...frankly feel free to leave, because that lack of compassion is NOT the energy I need right now.
Anyways, hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I'll see you when I see you! (Hopefully Friday).
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