Chapter Text
Lisa stared at the man in the bed in front of her. He looked so frail. So old.
She couldn't believe this was happening. Sitting at Roy's bedside like this, it reminded her of the last time she'd been in this position. When Becky's parents had had their accident, her mum had been killed outright, but her dad was admitted to hospital with multiple injuries. A fractured femur. A ruptured spleen. A traumatic subarachnoid haemorrhage. That was what had killed him, in the end. For five days they'd sat at his bedside, watching the machines whirring. The bags of fluid dripping, the sound of the ventilator. The endless noisy silence. Being here, like this, was bringing it all back.
It was one of the things about Becky's death that Lisa took a small comfort from. She was killed instantly. She didn't suffer. She was spared the indignity of being poked and prodded and washed by total strangers.
Roy lay still, the ventilator tube protruding from his mouth and various drips running. She had no idea what they were all for. The doctors had said he had suffered from a STEMI. She hadn't known what that meant, but she'd googled it. A heart attack. And he'd had a cardiac arrest. He'd all but died in his own cafe. Thankfully, it hadn't taken the paramedics long to get him back. Lisa didn't think her heart could have coped if it had taken any longer. But now it was a waiting game, apparently. There had been talk of reducing the sedation and seeing if he'd wake up. God, she really hoped so. She couldn't bear the thought of the alternative.
Carla was finally on her way. She'd got on the first train back, but she was having to change at Crewe and it would be another two hours before she got here. At least. She'd have to get a taxi from the station. Lisa wished she was here, more than anything. For Roy's sake. For Carla's. For her own. She really needed some moral support. It felt like she'd taken on some huge responsibility, being here. She was the spokesperson. Shona had had to go home to look after Lily and Harry because Sarah was away somewhere. Lisa couldn't remember where. She'd been trying desperately to get hold of Nina, but she was in Glasgow with some friend she'd met online and she wasn't answering her phone.
Lisa glanced over at the bed again.
Come on, Roy.
"Roy? Roy?"
The movement had roused Lisa from a daydream. The doctors had reduced the sedation a little while ago and Roy had slowly started waking up. They'd extubated him and he seemed to be breathing OK on his own.
His eyes flicked, his head turned towards the sound of her voice.
"Roy, it's Lisa. You're in the hospital."
Roy groaned, his eyes still adjusting, as he woke up.
A nurse popped his head in, nodding encouragingly at Roy and smiling at Lisa.
"He's waking up." Lisa kicked herself for stating the obvious. What a stupid thing to say!
"Yes, I'll let the doctor know. It's really good news."
"Detective..." Roy croaked. "Sergeant...Swain."
"Lisa." She smiled. He was always going to call her that, wasn't he.
"Lisa."
"You're in Weatherfield General. You had a heart attack. Do you remember?"
"No."
He looked around the room at the machines. At Lisa.
"Carla's on her way, but she was in London. She'll be here as soon as she can. I've left messages for Nina."
"Thank you."
He looked so tired. It was like he'd aged 10 years in the past few hours. Those boys. She hoped someone could identify them. Give them a talking to. In reality, they were unlikely to get charged with anything. But they'd been the catalyst for this. For Roy having a heart attack.
The enormity of what had happened washed over her. She felt suddenly overwhelmed by it all. She still held so much guilt for what had happened to Roy. He was the most lovely person and, thanks to her, he'd spent weeks in prison for a crime he didn't commit. And, by the time she'd realised she'd got it wrong, she couldn't put it right. Not quickly enough, anyway. He'd been attacked. Nearly killed. All because she'd got it wrong. Because she hadn't found the evidence to get him out quickly enough. It didn't matter how many times Carla told her she shouldn't fell guilty. That feeling never went away. She doubted it ever would.
Lisa was mortified to find tears building in her eyes. She couldn't cry. It was Roy who'd had the heart attack, not her. She had to be strong for him. Carla needed her to be strong for him.
"Lisa..."
She looked up, into Roy's kind eyes, and that was all it took. The small sob that escaped her mouth took her by surprise.
"I'm sorry. Roy..." She took a deep breath. "Ignore me."
"I imagine that being here is hard for you, after what happened with your wife." Roy's voice was slowly returning to normal. "Carla told me you'd lost her in an accident at work."
"Yes, although it wasn't really an accident. It was a hit-and-run. But I was never at the hospital with her. She died at the scene."
"I see. I'm sorry."
Lisa felt so awkward, being here. She didn't know what to say to him. For the hundredth time today, she wished Carla was here.
"Roy...I'm sorry for everything that happened. Really. So sorry."
"You don't need to apologise for doing your job."
"But I got it wrong, Roy. So wrong! And you almost got killed."
"Can I ask you something?" Roy turned to look at her properly.
She nodded and waited nervously.
"Did you believe that I'd done it? Killed Lauren."
"I dunno, Roy. I didn't know you then. When the evidence started stacking up, I guess it seemed possible. But very quickly I started to get this niggly feeling that I'd got the wrong man. Everyone was saying it. Carla. Evelyn. Nina. Literally everywhere I went, people were telling me I'd made a mistake. So I kept digging. Looking for evidence that it wasn't you. I tried so hard, Roy, but it wasn't enough. I didn't find it quickly enough. And then you got attacked." She wiped a tear away from her eye. "I didn't do enough. I failed you. And Lauren."
"You strike me as someone who always tries their best at work. You want to get justice, yes?"
She sniffed and nodded.
"You worked hard and you looked at the evidence and, initially at least, that unfortunately pointed at me. Some of the things I did, like cleaning the flat, I can see how those actions could have been misconstrued. By an onlooker, at least. By someone who didn't know my intentions. You can't be held responsible for that. I don't hold you responsible."
"Thank you, Roy." Her voice was barely more than a whisper. "You're always so kind."
"In life, I think it pays to be kind. You never know who might end up being part of your extended family."
Her eyes snapped up. Roy was smiling. She returned his smile.
"I'll look after her, you know. She means everything to me."
"I can see that. And, perhaps I'm speaking out of turn here, but the one thing Carla has always craved is a partner who values her. Who cares deeply for her and treats her as a priority. And that's something I've seen from you."
"I really do care for her. I was actually coming to see you today to ask if you'd make her a Victoria Sponge."
"I would have been delighted to. I'm sorry that I will no longer be able to fulfill that request. For a little while, at least."
"I'll let you off." She laughed.
There was a silence. It still felt awkward, but the air felt a bit clearer.
"Roy?" She needed to ask the question at the front of her mind. "Do you forgive me?"
"What for?"
She scoffed. "For arresting you? Charging you? Having you incarcerated?"
"There's nothing to forgive."
"But -"
"There's nothing to forgive." Despite how unwell he was, Roy's voice was firm. Final.
All she could do was nod, her eyes trained at the floor. She would never truly feel closure on this subject, of that she was fairly certain, but this seemed as close as she'd get.
"Can I ask you something else?" She looked back up. He was looking at her expectantly. "Why do you think Carla fell for me? She's never been with a woman before. Why me?"
Roy considered this. She could see him looking into the distance.
"You both share a lot of similarities. You are strong, successful women who, at times, have been dealt a difficult hand. I think she admired you, when you first met. When your dealings with her were purely on a professional basis. You seemed...untouchable. And then, whatever it was that brought you together outwith work changed her view of you. I suspect she felt like she saw the real you. I don't think we can ever predict who we'll fall in love with, and Carla is no exception to that." Roy looked directly at her. "What drew you to her, if you don't mind me asking?"
"She was so kind to me when I hit rock bottom. I don't know if you already know what happened, but basically I had a bit of a breakdown and I took an overdose. It was a really stupid thing to do, but I almost lost everything because of it. And then, right when I thought things were never gonna get any better, Carla invited herself into my life and helped to build me up. And I know it probably sounds like I've fallen in love with her because she rescued me, or something, but it's so much more than that. After...after Becky died, I never thought I'd meet someone else. I wasn't looking. But Carla has made me so happy. I really want to spend the rest of my life with her."
Roy nodded, sagely. She thought he wasn't going to say anything else. Roy wasn't exactly a man of many words and, since waking up, he'd said more to her than in the rest of the time she'd known him.
Eventually, he turned back to her.
"Hayley would have liked you."