Chapter Text
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A groan.
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A sigh.
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Backspace Backspace Fucking Backspace
A curse.
She could throw her desktop across the room right now. That could fix all her problems, smashing the damn thing to bits with the bat in the garage and lighting it on fire. Then maybe screaming a little. The past three months she's had nothing but writer's block. Getting words onto a page has been like pulling teeth. Helen swears if she has to hit the backspace one more time on an entire paragraph–...The office door swinging open stops that thought.
“Knocking. We've discussed knocking haven't we?” She sighs.
“I did when I came in an hour ago, I have to knock again?” Madeline puts a hand on her hip, her frustratingly beautiful face scrunching into a scowl.
“Yes! That's how it works.” She tosses a hand up, exasperated. This wasn't the first time she's complained about knocking in her own home.
“Ugh.” Madeline turns on her heel, slamming the door behind herself.
Helen blinks. Once. Twice.
“That bit–” Again, she's interrupted but not by the door opening. No. She's interrupted by three soft knocks. Her irritation ebbs away, that stupid overpowering fondness she has for Madeline Ashton coming back in full force. The woman did nothing but make her want to strangle and kiss her at the same time.
Only the first half has happened between them and Helen is disturbed to find she wants the ladder too. She shouldn't be, but it still shocks her sometimes how consuming the feeling is. It's always been there. One she has pointedly tried to ignore because why in the absolute fuck should she want anything to do with Madeline of all people. It's becoming more difficult to ignore since they’ve been living in the same house and kind of have the whole eternity together thing.
Those swirling thoughts have not been helping with her writer's block.
“Seriously? Are you going to let me in or not?” For the second time, Madeline pulls Helen out her wandering thoughts. “I'm trying to follow your stupid rules here.” Her voice muffles from the other side of the door.
“Come in.” Helen calls out finally, Madeline stepping back in. “And thank you for knocking.”
“Yeah yeah whatever.”
“What do you want, Mad?” Helen sighs, turning her chair back to the screen.
“That chapter still has your panties all in a bunch?” Madeline teases, leaning onto the back of the office chair, peering over Helen's shoulder at the screen. “You haven't written a word since I left.”
“I'm aware!” It comes out with more irritation than she meant it to, making the blonde’s brow arch.
“Jesus, Helen. I think you need a break.” Unphased by the outburst, Madeline rounds the desk, hopping up to sit on the edge. “We could go jewelry shopping, that always gets me out of a bad mood.” Madeline leans back on the desk and Helen tries not to stare as one leg crosses over the other. It's just them here today with nowhere to be so Madeline doesn't have a fresh coat of paint. The pale skin of her thighs contrast beautifully with the dark wood of the desk.
“I don't want to take a break, I want to finish this chapter.” Helen stands, needing some space. It's hard to think whenever Madeline is that close. It's confusing and frustrating and she’s already at her limit dealing with this stupid novel. “I have to get something down. People are waiting for the next book.”
Madeline watches Helen begin to pace from the spot she’s still perched at the desk. The pen in Helen’s hand keeps clicking over and over. She doesn’t even think Helen knows she’s doing it.“Well I think you should take a break anyways, waiting people or not, you're acting like a lunatic.”
Helen freezes. “Don't. Call me that.” The tone of her voice doesn't register to Madeline.
“What a lunatic?” She pokes with a smirk.
“Yes.” The single word grits out between her teeth.
“Oh relax, I don’t mean it. God, you do really need a break.” She tries to wave off the anger rolling from Helen but it doesn’t work this time.
“You don't get to make jokes like that, Madeline. I got treated like a lunatic for years because of you.” The pen in her hand clicks faster with her rising anger.
“What?” All traces of humor leave Madeline's face, she slides off the desk taking quick strides over until she's in Helen’s face. “ Me ? You’re the one that crashed my wedding! In a wedding dress. Like. A. Lunatic.” Each word is punctuated with a poke to Helen’s chest.
“Don’t act like you didn’t do anything to push me there!” The pen is tossed to the other side of the room, clinking against a fancy crystal decanter. “You picked me a part. Years you did it! You always made me feel like I wasn't good enough for anyone. Like I wasn't ever good enough…for you.”
That stupid feeling of guilt flames to life in the back of Madeline’s mind as she looks at her. The hurt in those green eyes feels like a knife twisting in her chest. “Those feelings just don’t go away in a couple years, Mad.”
Madeline’s shoulders drop, “You are good enough for me.”
“Well you never made me feel like it.” Helen bites back, immediately raising Madeline’s hackles again.
“I don’t even know where this is coming from. You said you forgave me!”
“I know what I said!” She throws her hands up.
“And I didn’t make you keep coming back to me.” Madeline snaps.
“Oh fuck you.”
“ Fuck me ? You could have just left but even after every stolen boyfriend, every insult, you could have stayed away but you still came back! Every single time. If you hated it so bad then why do that?” It's a dirty thing to do to try and twist this back on Helen. She knows that deep down but…she usually does things she regrets to Helen any time she’s backed into a corner.
“I don’t know!” Helen runs a hand through her hair, and starts pacing again. “To show you I could still live a life? That you were wrong about me. That you didn’t have any power over me. But you do Madeline. Are you happy? You do. Because even after everything you did to me, I still missed you. I still wanted to see you. Do you know how pathetic that is?” The last part whispers out and she feels her eyes sting because it's true. “But it didn’t matter because even when I missed you, every time I came back you ruined it by taking the person I loved.”
“Don’t try that with me Helen. You didn’t love any of them.” Madeline laughs humorlessly.
“Maybe I didn’t but I liked them at least, I could have learned to love them. We were happy and you couldn’t stand it! Whenever I found an ounce of joy you stole it from me! Why couldn’t you just let me be happy.” She hates how her voice catches.
“Because none of them were good enough for you!” Madeline finally breaks, surprising herself.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” If it could, her heart would be racing. What did Madeline mean?
“They weren't good enough. Even with those shitty boyfriends you always looked so happy and I didn’t understand how you could be with men like that. I still don’t. But I wanted it. I wanted what you had.”
“You could have had it! With literally any other person besides the people I dated!”
“I didn't want anyone else! I wanted you!” She shouts. The room goes so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
Shit.
All of that was supposed to be an inside thought. Forever? Maybe not forever but Madeline did not mean to say it right now of all times. She's already started, there was no taking it back and these words have been buzzing around her head for a long time so, fuck it.
“I wanted to be them, not you Helen. I wanted to be the one making you smile and blush but–...I just kept taking them instead to make them get away from you.” Her hands open and clench at her sides nervously as Helen's mouth falls open. She searches Madeline's face for any sign, any sign that she's being toyed with. The look she gets back is sincere. Madeline can't fake the sincerity in those big blue eyes.
Helen hates it. She adores it. Why tell the truth now? Well she has a few guesses but she can't really believe her ears. “You tormented me for almost twenty years because you…had a crush on me? Are you fucking serious Madeline.” The emotions flooding through her empty veins are like whiplash. Anger. Relief. Anger. Happiness. Anger. Joy.
“Don’t be stupid, it’s not a crush. I’m not a teenage boy. It's more than that.” Madeline scoffs, folding her arms, softening the last words.
Helen shakes her head slowly, still not sure her brain can process this right now. She can't. Not with Madeline staring at her like that. If she stays Helen would give in too fast, far too fast and she couldn't do that with her thoughts all over the place.
“We could have just…why didn’t you-...” Helen squeezes her eyes shut. “Get out.”
“What?” Madeline's face drops.
“Get. Out.” She turns back to her desk.
“Hel I-”
“Please, Madeline.” She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. If they were going to move forward she needed to at least try to not shut Madeline out completely right now. She takes another deep breath. Her lungs no longer work but it helps her hold her tongue long enough until she can find the right words. “I just need some time to think, okay?” Helen falls back into the desk chair, turning away from her and staring sightlessly at the blinking cursor on the screen.
Madeline debates continuing the argument but there's nothing left she has to say right now. And for once she doesn't want to do more damage so all she says is, “Okay, Hel.”, gently shutting the door behind herself. She doesn't let her own tears fall until she’s locked herself in her bedroom.
She loathes people seeing her cry.
Even through their arguments, even the days they are at each other's throats they still need one another. A cursed existence that the only person that could help them get ready for the day, they didn’t know how to look in the eye. Helen’s mind is still too chaotic. Anger at Madeline for what she did to her, guilt for her own actions, even more guilt for sending Madeline away after she pretty much confessed her feelings. Helen turns in her bed, presses her face into the pillow and screams. It hasn’t helped but it still feels nice to do. It's been two weeks since their argument. Not a long time when you have forever but long enough that getting ready has been difficult and annoying. There's spots only Madeline can get for her. The dress she wants to wear today hangs off her shoulders and as flexible as she is, she can’t retouch the paint on her upper back. Quietly, she exits her bedroom where she's been holed up the last couple weeks.
Bedrotting is easier when you don't have any demanding bodily functions.
Through the days she'd been in there she could hear Madeline trudging past and sighing dramatically by her door. She didn't move or respond to the theatrics even if it made her shake her head with a soft fond smile. The second time Madeline came back it was three days later, the door had jiggled when Madeline pressed her back against it.
“Bored. Oh so bored. If only I lived with someone else that would entertain me.” She had sighed wistfully and it made Helen snort from where she was sitting by her window. Every time. Every time they argue, bicker and fight, no matter how hurt both mentally or physically they are…they miss one another. It's a terrible cycle, one Helen doesn't want to fall back into so she stayed in her room for three more days after that. Until today when she needed to meet with her publisher. She's not sure she would have lasted staying away any longer anyways.
She had her answer.
Her pastel blue house shoes scoot down the hallway towards Madeline's room, it was early in the morning and the blonde wasn't an early riser in the least. Taking one out of Mad's book, Helen didn't bother knocking. Not like they hadn't seen all of each other anyways. Just as she thought, Madeline is in bed still cuddled into her silky sheets. Sleep, they couldn't, but it was still nice to close your eyes and turn your brain off for a while.
“Mad.” She says softly, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Hmm?” Madeline replies sleepily.
“Can you help me with a touch up? I need to go out.”
“Hot date?” A single eye opens to peek up at her.
“Yeah with my publisher.” A laugh huffs out of her, smile falling a little when Madeline doesn’t respond. Helen stares down at her, letting a few tense moments of silence pass until Madeline's eyes finally flutter open. She stretches her arms above her with a groan as her joints crack and pop, slowly sitting up and staring back. Helen truly thinks she’s going to say no but Madeline eventually says,
“I’m rather busy today, but I guess I could help.” They both know she has jack shit she was doing today and it makes a smile tug at both of their lips. It's wrong to fall back into their easy back and forth. Things will never be fixed if they keep this up but Helen can't help the relief that fills her when Madeline's soft fingers touch the back of her neck as she sits in front of her dressing mirror. It was only two weeks but she missed her. She watches through the mirror as Madeline looks at the pale skin of her neck, running her fingers gently over where the paint is missing before going over to the drawers.
A small smile tugs at Helen's lips at the focused look on Madeline's face as she mixes colors to get the right shade. They've gotten pretty damn good at fixing one another up so there thankfully isn't a need to cover the entire work area so they don't get spray paint everywhere. The newer alternative paints they've found are a lot easier to handle and more durable. Quietly, Madeline turns back to her with the freshly mixed paint in the perfect Helen Sharp shade. Still without a word she begins touching up the missing paint on the back of her neck. Silence is so unheard of for Madeline, not a single teasing or snide comment. It is so unlike her and Helen hates that she might be the cause of it.
“I don’t want to pretend that what happened a few weeks ago didn’t.” She says softly, feeling Madeline’s hands falter before she continues to paint.
“Me either.” Madeline manages to find her voice, uncertain where the conversation is headed. Helen hadn’t outright rejected her but it still hurt to be sent away. Fuck it really hurt. So she keeps her eyes trained on the spot she’s patching up and continues, “I've, um, spent the last two weeks thinking.”
“Must be new for you.” Helen can't help how the jab slips, its habit.
“Bitch.” The twinkle in her eyes makes Helen know she's not actually offended. “As I was saying , I've been thinking and…reading some of your books you have in the living room.”
“Which ones?”
“The mushy ones about feelings.” That makes Helen's brows go up a little.
“You read the self-help books I have?” She replies in disbelief.
“Don't sound so shocked, I'm not a Neanderthal. I can read.” She scoffs and Helen chuckles.
“You know I never said you couldn't?”
“Can I get this out without you heckling me?” Madeline lets out an exasperated sigh and Helen’s expression softens.
“Yes, please go ahead.” There's still a playful look in her eye that Madeline loves but decides to ignore to get these damn words out.
“I know I've said sorry but I haven't done a good job at showing it. I've said some pretty terrible stuff to you, Hel and I hope you can forgive me. I shouldn’t have made the lunatic comment either. I don’t know what you went through and I won’t joke about it anymore.” She looks at Helen through the reflection in the mirror.
“I haven't said the best things to you either so please forgive me too because I do forgive you, Mad. I mean it this time.” Helen replies, and she does. Truly she does. Staring in the face of eternity, neither of them could find it in themselves to hold onto this anger anymore.
“And I still meant what I said about how I feel. I wasn’t joking about that.” The addition has Madeline looking away from her as she speaks.
“I know you weren’t. Sorry for sending you away. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I just wasn’t really ready for you to feel the same.”
The words hang in the air between them.
Helen can feel Madeline boring a hole into the back of her head but she can’t bring herself to look up to see the expression on Mad’s face. She doesn’t get much of a choice when the chair she’s in is spun around so quickly she almost falls out of it. “Madeline wha-” The sentence is stopped by two hands gripping the sides of the chair. The seriousness in those blue eyes makes her mouth clamp shut.
“Did you say you felt the same?” Madeline’s gaze is unwavering.
“Yes. I did. I…I think I always felt like this, Mad.”
“Me too.” More silence ticks by until neither of them can stand it anymore. Helen launches from the chair into Madeline’s arms, the two of them clinging to one another tightly.
“God we should have just been honest years ago, Hel.” Her words muffle into the fabric of Helen’s robe.
“Yeah but we finally got it out didn’t we?”
“We have but I still have to start making up for everything.”
“Aren't we both supposed to be doing that? I have a lot of making up to do too.” Helen chuckles.
“You'll have your turn. Me first.” The sly glint in those eyes makes Helen nervous and curious.
She has no idea what ‘making it up to her’ meant to Madeline Ashton but she’s interested to find out.
It was twenty minutes before Helen had the interview for her newest upcoming novel. It seemed like the clouds had finally parted in her brain and the next hundred pages just flew out of her mind. She hadn't even realized she'd been up for a week straight until Madeline complained that she was going to miss the reality show they watched every Tuesday. Since their talk, things were lighter between them than usual. The same cloud that had been over their relationship had cleared too. She wasn’t sure what to label this anymore. Sure they both knew how they felt about one another but neither of them had acted on it yet.
“Ms.Sharp?” A voice calls out. There’s a younger woman standing in the door of the dressing room, holding a large bouquet of sunflowers.
“Yes?” She tilts her head curiously.
“These were dropped off for you.” She comes over to set down the flowers on the dressing table near her. “And this letter was delivered with it too.” The woman produces a green envelope.
“Oh, alright? Thank you?” Still confused over who the hell would be sending her flowers, she cracks open the wax seal on the letter.
I know you were nervous about your interview today but you’ll do great. You always do. Break a leg. Actually please don’t, I don’t think I can fix that.
-M.
Helen reads the words again, the familiar flowy cursive writing is traced by her index finger. Moments like this she wishes she could feel her heart again but the phantom sensation of it beating out of her chest is enough. Through her whole interview there’s a bright smile on her face. Sure she’s excited to talk about her newest novel on live television, millions of people will get to hear about it. But in the back of her mind she keeps thinking of the beautiful sunflowers on the table waiting for her. The smile softens only a little as she rides in the back of the car home. She gets back in the late afternoon, the large glass door to their shared home creaking open. The sun always casts the atrium in a lovely purple hue from the stained glass on the wall. She places the sunflowers on the dining room table for now, she’ll take them to her office later. Right now she’s on a mission. Her heels click down the hall as she goes to find the person she’s been thinking about all day. Hell most of her life.
When she makes a turn down the hallway she can hear some humming coming from the room at the far end of the hall. Inside there's Madeline, fussing over some clay and humming a lovely tune to herself. Facing eternity, the blonde had decided she was going to have to find something to keep her busy. The laundry list of hobbies she's been trying out go on and on. Holding Madeline's attention for longer than a week was difficult for most of the hobbies she tried. Sculpting though, has kept her preoccupied for over a month. A new record. Her hair is tied up into a high ponytail, the old shirt she stole from Helen's closet had splatters of grey clay on the front of it. Apparently Madeline has nothing of her own that she could get dirty. It sounds like an excuse, not that Helen minded in the least. She liked seeing Madeline in her clothes. It hugs her curves better than some of the fancy dresses she owned.
“Should I start charging, if you're going to keep staring like that?” The reply makes Helen realize she has just been standing in the doorway admiring Madeline as she works on…well Helen isn't exactly sure what that is she's working on now. It looks like an attempt at a bowl but she's not sure as she comes closer. It's very lumpy…maybe an ashtray? Any guess is going to get her killed so she says nothing but,
“I'll pay whatever you want to keep looking.” Her words make Madeline chuckle.
“Oh?” She smirks.
“Mmmhmm…because someone sent me some beautiful flowers before my interview.”
“Well whoever did that must be very thoughtful.” The smirk turns into a slight grin and Helen can't help the matching one on her face. God they could have saved so much time and been doing this for years. Something relaxed and easy. Sure they’ve still had some fuck ups with saying the wrong thing and pissing each other off but that was inevitable with how long they had been at one another’s throats. And if they were both honest it's still a little fun to piss the other one off on purpose every now and again. It's a habit. It's them and they adore each other for it, flaws and all.
Helen looks at Mad in her shirt, with clay all over her hands and a little on her face, feeling nothing but that phantom excited staccato of her heart as she decides to do something brave. She starts taking slow deliberate steps towards the blonde.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Madeline asks, her perfectly arched brows furrowing when Helen doesn't respond. There’s a look in her eye that makes Madeline want to bolt and run to her at the same time. Helen has never looked at her like that before. “If…if you're going to try to kill me again, you should tell me now.” She laughs a little nervously. Still Helen doesn't respond until she's standing in front of her. Cool hands hold either side of Madeline's cheeks and then…..
Oh.
Oh.
Helen Sharp has the softest lips she's ever felt. Her shoulders drop as soon as she realizes she's not going to be murdered…again. Without a thought she tugs the other woman closer by her waist, the hands on her cheeks holding tighter when their bodies press against one another. A soft noise escapes from Helen's lips and Madeline practically melts. This feels so right. Nothing has ever made her feel like this. Not a single relationship has ever made her feel so complete like a kiss from Helen. They pull apart slowly, Madeline still gazing wistfully up at her.
“Thank you for the flowers, Maddie.” The nickname nearly makes Madeline gasp, she hadn't heard it in decades. There's a flicker of a memory in her mind. A distant memory of a much younger Helen, maybe in their early twenties, yelling for her to catch up as they ran through an airport. “Come on Maddie! We're gonna be late!” Beyond late for their flight but still giggling as they weaved through the crowd. She had braces back then, they looked cute on her, with the large rimmed glasses. Her smile had made Madeline feel something even back then. That same bright smile is staring down at her right now. A few more wrinkles on her still equally gorgeous face, curled locks of auburn hair flowing down her shoulder as she gazes back in return.
“I think I'm gay.” Madeline says dreamily, until her mind catches up with her mouth, both her and Helen's eyes going a little wider.
They stare blankly at one another until Madeline can't hold in the very unladylike snort of laughter that escapes her. Her hand claps over her mouth but Helen's already laughing again. She tosses her head back as she laughs, Madeline looking up at her with sparkling eyes. They linger on the soft skin of Helen’s neck and she really wants to lean up and press a kiss there but she knows Helen well, they can take it slow.
“The kiss was that good?” Helen manages to get out eventually. Her thumbs rubbing over Madeline’s cheekbones, matching ridiculous grins on their face as a few chuckles still escape them.
“I might need another test to see.” Madeline flutters her lashes, pouting her lips in a way that earns another chuckle from the woman standing over her. She catches her lips again, Madeline squeezing the soft fabric of the gorgeous dress. Helen doesn't even care about the clay being smudged into her dress.
She only wants this.
“And for the record, I think I might be a little gay too.” Helen’s words murmur against Madeline’s lips making her burst into more laughter.
She only wants Madeline.
Helen also doesn't want to be outdone by her either. What can they say, old habits die hard. Competing with one another had been their thing, and it wasn't going away any time soon.
It had been a few weeks since the interview and this time around Madeline had her own public appearance they were heading out for. A red carpet premiere for her latest film. A horror, interestingly enough. Madeline had run around the house the day she got the offer yelling, “ I get to be the final girl! I get to be the final girl! ” It had been adorable and wonderful to see her that excited. A rigorous film schedule and Helen’s own work had kept them apart for weeks besides the late evenings they were able to share together. Tonight though, they were going to make the most of it. It was always fun getting dressed up. While Helen wasn’t the biggest horror movie fan but she would watch anything Madeline starred in.
They had to leave in ten minutes and she finds Madeline is stuck at the mirror staring at her reflection. Helen can see the way she keeps staring at a particular spot on her neck they'd never been able to perfectly fix. It wasn't noticeable to most people and looks only like a small scar now but to Madeline it might as well be a gash in her neck.
“Mad, you look good. Really good.” Helen tries, from where she leans in the doorway watching Madeline fuss over every detail.
“I know.” She sighs. “This, I just…I notice it.” Her fingers trace the barely there mark on her neck. Helen walks deeper into the dressing room. The red and blue gowns they wear are a perfect contrast to one another. Madeline had been certain she wanted Helen to join her on the red carpet but they had to match but not in an exact way. That had led to some bickering with Helen trying to get clarification on what the fuck matching but not in an ‘exact way’ meant.
She comes to the side of the chair, resting a hand on Madeline's shoulder. “Well you know, you never got a chance to go jewelry shopping.” Before Madeline can ask what she means by that, a large black velvet wrapped box is held out to her.
“What is this?” She looks between Helen and the box.
“Open it and find out?” Helen jerks her head towards the box. She watches Madeline’s expression go from suspicious, curious to absolute shock when she opens it.
“Helen.” Her voice is barely above a whisper as she gazes down at the diamond cluster necklace. “This is…its-…Are you just trying to hide my hideous scar?” Madeline accuses, suddenly looking hurt. Horror etches across Helen's face and before she can get out a frantic apologetic reply, Madeline's face breaks.
The blonde's red painted lips split into a teasing grin. As soon as Helen realizes she’s being fucked with she stomps her heeled foot, “You ass! You scared me!”
“You should have seen your face!” Madeline cackles, and her gleeful laugh is contagious.
“You're terrible.” Helen attempts and fails to hold onto her irritation.
“And you're wonderful. I do really love it. Put it on me, please?” She lightens her voice when she says the last part, fluttering her eyes up at Helen who can't help but obey. Blue eyes watch her hands take it out the box, snapping to her face with a grin and an excited squeal before back to the necklace again as it's fixed around her neck. It sparkles under the warm light as Madeline turns her head side to side to get the perfect angles of herself.
“Oh it's beautiful, Hel. You know exactly what I like. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Your jeweler said you’d looked at it a few times but never went through with it. I don’t know why, it looks gorgeous on you Mad.”
“Not too much?” She smiles over her shoulder.
“It’s definitely too much but you like that don’t you?” Helen knows the answer, she wouldn’t have picked the necklace if she didn’t.
“I do.” Madeline meets her eye in the mirror before turning in the chair and standing so they’re eye to eye. The redhead lets herself be pulled forward, careful of both of their make up as she leans forward. “I'm so going to get you back for this.” Madeline smiles against her lips.
“Bring it on, bitch.” That has them both laughing again.
And they do, in a series of over the top gifts and thoughtful gestures. Disgusting really. But neither of them mind being a little disgusting when it comes to the other. Especially that fateful night on the red carpet. They step out together under the flashing lights, shouts from the press for them to look their way. Helen nearly faints when Madeline reaches out and takes her hand, pulling her close as the camera’s flash. She lets out a surprised squeak when Mad dips her, pressing a loving kiss to her lips. That action has the press practically feral, the flashes from the camera tripling in seconds.
“I want everyone to know, Helen Sharp is off the market.” Madeline says with glee in her eyes.
“Same goes for you then.” She says with a grin as she’s pulled back to her feet.
“Whatever will the world do without me.” She says dramatically with a playful longing glance at the crowd before hooking their arms together and leading her further into the event.
The weeks pass and they fall back into their normal routine with a lot more, stolen glances, heated kisses and shared evenings. Like tonight when Helen is happily waiting for Madeline in the living room. It’s Tuesday and they had shows to catch up on on Tuesday nights. She’s already in her pajamas, feet propped up on the ottoman and wrapped in a fuzzy gray blanket. Just as she finds the episode they left off on she hears footsteps coming her way.
“Hey.” Madeline walks into the living room in her pjs too, the fluffy white gown she's dragging behind her makes her look stunning as usual. Is there ever a moment she doesn't look gorgeous? The thought used to fill Helen with rage but now, the only thing that happens is a stupid goofy grin appears on her face.
“Hey.” Helen flips back the warm blanket she's under so Madeline can join her. “Ready to start the show?”
“Well actually I had a question first.”
“Shoot.”
“…Umm-” Madeline clears her throat, tosses her hair over her shoulder and sits up a bit straighter on the couch. “I was wondering if you were available tomorrow evening. If you would like to go to dinner with me?” She won't meet Helen's eyes as she speaks but the other woman still stares at her profile until something clicks. Nervous? Was Mad nervous? That wasn't an emotion Helen saw on the other woman often. They'd gone to dinner plenty of times before? Yet as she looks at her nervous eternal companion, she realizes this would be different. They haven't been out together like that since they finally confessed to one another. Dinner together would really be different this time and it makes a sly grin break across her face.
“Mad, are you asking me on a date?”
“Not if you're going to be a dick about it.” She huffs, folding her arms. If she could, Helen is certain Madeline would be blushing right now. It's fascinating and fantastic to see this side of her, one she's eager to get to know better.
“I would love nothing more than to go to dinner with you.” Saying the words out loud makes her feel like she’s on top of the world.
“Oh thank God, I was going to drown myself in the pool if you said no.” Madeline’s entire body relaxes as she lets out a relieved breath, flopping over so she’s partially laying over Helen’s lap. It only takes the other woman a few moments to recover from the shock of having Madeline’s head resting on her thighs before her soft smile returns.
“We can't drown. We don't even breathe.” Her fingers start running through the thick locks of blond hair without really thinking about it.
“Well I would have sat in there for a long long time until you felt bad.” She huffs again, letting her eyes slide shut at the nice feeling of the fingers in her hair. Fuck does Helen love her.
She loves her.
“Dramatic.” She chuckles, patting Madeline's cheek making those pretty blues blink back open.
“You love it.” The adoring look Helen is getting right now, fills her with more confidence than she’s felt in months.
“I love you .” She replies softly.
“I love you too.” Neither of them hesitate. There's no need to. No need to be shy or afraid of it. It's always been there. Helen leans forward, letting their lips connect in a slow kiss, both of them trying to convey all the emotions their minds still can’t fully put to words. Madeline cradles the angle of Helen’s jaw, nipping playfully at her bottom lip. Helen lets out a soft laugh, pulling away before deciding she needs one more kiss. Madeline giggles as a couple more kisses are dotted across her face. They eventually settle on the couch with one another, enjoying their weekly reality show, both eager for their future date.
Neither of them should be nervous. It's just Madeline. It's just Helen. They’ve been saying that to themselves all day. They live together for crying out loud! Yet even over morning coffee (for Helen) and tea (for Madeline), they couldn't stop sneaking stupid glances at each other. It was ridiculous. Even though they saw each other that day, Madeline demanded they meet at the place instead of riding there together. They got dressed separately, Mad leaving a little earlier than Helen to make sure everything was in order. Helen arrives alone, stepping out in the busy early night streets of downtown LA. There’s a towering skyscraper in front of her that she’s ushered into by a friendly man who works the front desk. He fawns over her a bit about her latest novel and she even signs the copy he has at the desk before he directs her to the nearest elevator.
The floors ding as she goes higher and higher, looking at herself in the reflection of the door. She picked this dress because she knew Madeline loved her in it, the blonde could never stop staring at her chest whenever she wore it. The black dress was lined with sparkling designs that trail down her body, the corset in the middle gives her an hourglass shape and she looks good. She knows she looks good and she’s beyond excited to see what Madeline has done for her. She straightens a little when the elevator dings, the LED sign showing she’s reached the 70th floor. Slowly the doors part and she steps out into an eerily empty restaurant
“Good evening, Ms. Sharp. This way please.” The hostess gestures for her to follow and Helen trails behind her to see that the restaurant really is empty today besides the staff. The place was relatively high profile, Helen had never managed to get reservations here when she tried a years ago. They were always booked out for months, seeing it empty was strange.
The hostess pushes past a pair of double doors that open into a room with floor to ceiling windows that look out over the twinkling lights of the city. Standing waiting for her is Madeline with a flute of champagne in her hand. The deep plum colored dress she’s in has intricate lace that comes down her arms, her hair in that perfectly messy half up, half down look Helen loves. The earring she’s wearing matches the necklace that rests around her throat. It's the same necklace she wore to the premiere, Helen couldn’t help but find earrings to match it with how much Madeline liked wearing it.
“You look gorgeous, Hel.” Madeline smiles softly, not that she didn’t always look breathtaking.
“So do you.” Her heels click on the floor as she comes closer. “Do we have this place to ourselves?”
“Maybe.” Madeline gleefully carries the word out as if she were singing it.
“How did you manage that? This place is always booked.” A tingle zips down her spine when Madeline slips her hand into hers, lacing their fingers together.
“Well, you can get whatever you want when the owner’s son is obsessed with you.” Madeline winks at her with a sly smirk. “I wanted it to just be us, no prying eyes or paparazzi.” She offers a flute of champagne to her as they look out at the city.
“It's perfect.” She still can’t believe they spent so much time hating one another. Their glasses clink, Helen placing a quick kiss on Madeline’s cheek as the blonde leans into her side, squeezing their linked fingers gently. They appreciate the view for a few more minutes before taking their seats at the table.
Through the year they’ve figured out some patches and absurdly creative ways to patch Helen up enough so she could eat and drink when she felt like it. It wasn’t something they had to do anymore but sometimes she really did miss it. Which is why it's difficult for Madeline to look away from her as Helen takes a pleased bite of the first course, letting out a delighted noise.
“Are you going to eat or just watch?” Helen asks, noticing Madeline hasn’t even touched her food yet.
“Just admiring the view.” She shrugs, resting her chin on her hand. Helen rolls her eyes playfully before the two of them start chatting over dinner and sipping their drinks. No biting remarks or hurtful jabs between them while they talk, sure there’s still some teasing and playful sass but the comments only have the other chuckling. They have nothing but time and it fills them both with nothing but glee as they gaze at one another over the dessert. Calories also mean nothing to them now. The large slice of tiramisu is shared between them and in overly affectionate fashion Helen holds out the first bite for Madeline to try. Any other person, Madeline would have rolled her eyes and maybe flipped them off at the mushy offer but with Helen…oh it's wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.
The dessert is delicious too and as Helen takes the last bite she gets a devious idea. She knows Madeline hasn’t pressed for more in their new exploration of this relationship, it's appreciated. If she was honest with herself, while the outside had changed, on the inside she was still her old self sometimes. And her old self is terrified of intimacy but with Madeline, she doesn’t feel that. Maybe a little nervous. Although, if there was one word she could pick right now as she gazes across the table it's hunger. The spoon is placed back down on the empty plate, her tongue darting out to catch the little bit of chocolate left in the corner of her mouth. Madeline zeros in on the action immediately and Helen has to fight off a smirk as she watches the other woman follow the tantalizingly slow movement of her tongue as it runs over her bottom lip. Even under the dim light she can see how those blue eyes darken.
It's like Madeline’s body moves on its own.
“You’re playing with fire there, Helen.” She hums, scooting a little closer so she can rest her hand on Helen’s thigh through the slit in her dress.
“Maybe I want to get burned.” It takes all her composer to keep a straight face after saying such a cheesy line.
“That’s so fucking corny.” Madeline lets out a disgusted noise, still smiling.
“You love it.”
“I absolutely don’t.” Is all she says before closing the distance. She’ll never get tired of this, not in a million years. The hand she has on Helen’s thigh creeps up a little higher and she squeezes gently, letting the kiss deepen as a soft noise comes from Helen. It sets all her nerves on fire. It's all consuming and they’re only kissing. She’s never felt like this with any person she’s been with before. All the thoughts in her head fizzle away at the feeling of Helen’s tongue swiping across her own. Her jaw relaxes further, inviting Helen in deeper, the faint taste of champagne and chocolate lingering on her tongue.
The sound of one of the double doors creaking doesn’t even register until they hear a high pitched,
“Oh! Sorry!” The waiter yelps, clapping a hand over his eyes, clearly not meaning to interrupt them. He swiftly turns on his heel in an attempt to leave but sightlessly runs straight into a wall. Still, hand over his eyes, he feels for the doorway before finding the exit and scuttling out. Madeline glares in the direction he runs off in. The nerve. Her irritation is short lived because a hand cups her jaw, turning her so her’s are locked with Helen’s.
“Would you…want to take this back home?” Helen asks and she lets out a surprised sound when Madeline tugs them both back to their feet.
“God, I thought you’d never ask.” She grins, making Helen bite her lip just before she lets herself be led back in the direction of the elevator. The car ride home feels like it takes an eternity.
“Hurry up.” Madeline gives her ass a light slap when Helen can’t get the keys in the door.
“I’m trying!” She defends until the damn thing finally opens. They barely close the front door behind them before Madeline is pressing Helen into the nearby table. She’s barely been able to keep her hands to herself all night. Her brain seems to short circuit when Helen’s hand drifts down to her ass, pulling her closer so she’s standing between her legs.
“Mad?” Helen breathes against her lips.
“Yes?” She manages to pant out.
“Can I stay in your room tonight?” She nearly whines when Madeline pulls away so she can look her in the eyes.
“You can stay in my room every night.” Madeline purrs. They fumble their way to Madeline’s room, neither one of them wanting to let go of the other. A couple things are knocked off tables, a vase broken in their fumbling as they pause every few feet to resume their heated makeout session until finally they get to her room.
When they reach the edge of the bed, Helen flips them to push Madeline down into the soft sheets. Madeline props herself up on her elbows, looking at her like she’s the most important thing in the world. She is the most important thing in her world. The air in her lungs freezes when Helen reaches behind herself, tugging down the zipper to her dress until it pools at her feet.
“Holy shit, Helen.” Madeline isn’t sure she’s ever been this turned on in her entire life. The sight of Helen Sharp in lingerie just for her is…holy shit.
“You like it?” She feels exposed standing in the middle of the room but warmth fills her chest at the awestruck look on Madeline's face.
“Like it?” She breathes out. How she managed to keep the dark blue lacy set of lingerie hidden under her dress is a mystery Madeline will have to ask about later because all she wants right now is Helen closer.“Come here.” The low husk of her voice sends a shiver down Helen’s spine as she takes a few steps closer.
Nails scratch lightly up Helen's thighs, tugging the strap of lingerie there before letting it pop back in place against her skin. Madeline trails them higher, brushing over Helen's repaired stomach and up her ribs.“You’re so pretty. You’re so fucking pretty… Hel. I-” She looks up at her, that guilt swirling in her chest again. “I’m sorry I ever made you feel like you weren’t.” A single finger presses against her lips, silencing any more apologies.
“We both did terrible things to each other Mad.” She says with a soft look.
“I'm sorry too.” Kiss. “I forgive you.” Kiss. “I promise.” Kiss. “No more apologizing.” Helen pulls back, smiling at the dreamy look that's on Madeline's face again.
“Okay.” Mad breathes. “Kiss me again?” She asks with that pleading look Helen adores. Their lips mold over one another, Helen hands sneaking around the back of Madeline’s dress so she can pull it over her head. Clad in just their lacy underwear they move further up the bed, barely breaking the kiss until Madeline has hands on either side of Helen’s head as she looks at her.
“Are you…sure?” She has to ask, she never wants to do wrong by Helen ever again.
“When did you get so sweet?” Helen chuckles, green eyes highlighted by the silvery moonlight coming through the curtains. One of her legs hooks around Madeline's waist, pulling her closer.
“Took me a few decades but I got there.” She jokes and Helen shakes her head, tangling her fingers into Madeline’s hair as she pulls her down.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” It's the last thing she gets out before Madeline practically devours her. It's overwhelming in the best possible way, feeling those perfectly manicured nails scratching down her sides lightly. Madeline is thorough, worshiping every inch of skin she can get her hands on as she slowly starts to pull the lingerie off Helen’s body until she’s completely bare beneath her. She takes a second to admire her, Helen almost shyly looking away from her reverent gaze.
“Look at me.” Madeline requests gently until she's looking back up at her again.
“You’re beautiful.” She kisses her once more, then one to her chest, leisurely making her way down, until she can settle between her parted thighs. Her eyes flicker up meeting Helen’s soft expression before she finally gets to do what she’s been thinking about all night. A soft moan escapes from above her when she lets her tongue swipe one broad lick, her arms wrapping around Helen’s thighs as she pulls her closer to get more.
“Fuck. Mad, fuck .” She desperately wants to try to keep her eyes open to watch the magic Madeline is working between her legs but it's too much. Her head falls back, fingers tightening in the strands of blonde as her back arches off the bed. A jumble of praises and curses tumbling from her. Breathing isn’t something they need to do anymore but it's like her body can’t help but gasp from the pleasure. She begs and pleads for Madeline not to stop, not like the other woman would ever dream of doing such a thing. Her heels dig into Madeline’s back, hips lifting from the bed but she's forced back down into the sheets. The needy sound that comes from her would be embarrassing if she could think straight right now. It usually takes longer for her to get there but she can already feel herself nearing the edge.
“ Madeline .”
“You close?” She asks, lidded eyes unable to tear her gaze away from Helen’s heaving chest. “Gonna come for me, Hel?”
“I’m-...fuck!” Her eyes roll skyward, fingers digging to Madeline’s scalp when she finally tumbles over the edge with a flurry of curses. She attempts to gather herself back together, staring at the ceiling with wide eyes. No one has ever made her come that hard before, ever.
Madeline looks beyond pleased with herself as she crawls back up Helen’s body.
“Don’t look so smug.” Helen breathes out, limbs still feeling like jelly.
“Why can’t I? You sound pretty when you come.”
“Shut up.” Madeline’s words would have her blushing if she could, her eyes darting away bashfully as Madeline grins at her.
“And you taste amazing. I can't believe that's the first time I've ever eaten pu-”
“Madeline!” Helen pleads, laughing softly.
“What? Too crass?” She teases and nips at Helen’s collar bone. “I thought you liked it when I was crass?”
“Stop talking.” Helen puts a hand over her face, trying to hide from that ridiculously hot teasing expression.
“Make me.” She prods and Helen moves her hand away from her face. The teasing expression on Madeline's face drops instantly at the determination that flashes through those green eyes, embarrassment completely forgotten.
Madeline thought she enjoyed sex before, truly she did but good lord…no one has ever made her feel like this woman does. Her brain is absolute mush as she kneels in Helen’s lap, thighs on either side of her legs as her long fingers move in slow thrusts. They couldn't even wait to get her fully undressed. The front of her bra had been pulled down just enough to expose her chest, panties pushed to the side so Helen can slip two fingers inside of her.
“OhmygodfuckHel.” The words jumble together as they fall from Madeline’s lips. She attempts to get Helen impossibly closer, her hands wrap around the other woman's head holding her face against her chest. It's a bit of a bonus not needing to breathe but Helen would gladly suffocate right here even if she did need to. The slight curling of her fingers makes a flurry of curses huff from Madeline’s lips as she rises her hips to meet her fingers.
Somehow Madeline manages to open her eyes, looking down and they nearly close back at the overwhelming adoration looking back at her.
“You'll never leave me right?” She's not in control of the words that come tumbling out of her but she wants to hear it, she needs to. Needy and vulnerable. Madeline is used to being the first…the second? Not so much, yet the words still huff out of her desperately. “Please.” She doesn't know if she's begging for more or an answer.
“Never.” Helen breathes out, sliding a third finger inside. “I'll never leave you.”
“Say it again.”
“I'll never leave you.” Helen promises again. Above her Madeline curses, grinding down wildly a few more times before she comes with a sharp cry. Her nails dig into Helen's skin, thighs quaking as little aftershocks roll through her. When she completely slumps against Helen's chest, she feels arms circle around her waist, holding her close, the two of them recovering in content silence.
“You know I'm kind of glad we don't get that tired anymore.” Madeline sits back up a little so they can look at each other..
“Why's that?” Helen replies before she's pushed back down into the sheets, Madeline looming over her again.
“Because.” Her knee comes up pressing between Helen’s thighs. “We can do this, All. Night. Long.”
The sun is just beginning to come up by the time they are both laying on their backs, completely sated, wrapped in each other’s arms.
“Do we still get sore? My knees are going to be pissed if we do.” Madeline hums against her shoulder.
“God I hope not but if we do then we'll just have to spend all day in bed if we are.”
“A truly awful punishment.” She hums in response, letting her eyes slip closed as she rests her head against Helen. The other woman lets out a content sigh, watching how the sky begins to be painted in lovely shades of oranges and yellows as the sunrise approaches. Next to her, Madeline nuzzles impossibly closer into her side. Just as Helen lets her own eyes slip closed she feels a dull pain in her shoulder. They snap back open just in time to see Madeline pulling away from her, the indents her teeth left in Helen’s shoulder clear as day.
“Did…did you just bite me??”
Madeline has the nerve to look embarrassed. “A little.”
“Why the fuck did you bite me?” She’s not really bothered by it, more confused.
“I don’t know. You just looked really cute all cuddled in my bed.” She sighs wistfully. “You’ve never just looked at someone you cared about and wanted to bite them?”
“No??” She shakes her head but a smile tugs at her lips. “Never liked anyone the way I like you.”
“Gross.”
“You just bit me.”
“Only a little!” She defends fighting through her laughing.
“Yeah well, if you can keep your teeth to yourself, you can get the gift I have for you this weekend.” Helen's fingers card through the now tousled locks of blonde, Madeline practically purring under her touch.
“Noo come on let me bask in my dinner victory? I had to say please to book and rent that out.” She shudders at the memory.
“I think you just did plenty of celebrating your victory.” Her eyes flicker down to their naked entwined bodies.
“Mmm, I did.” Madeline smirks when she looks down at Helen’s chest before sneaking a quick kiss. She’s truly never going to get tired of that.
The kissing is what she means, but Helen’s tits are a plus too.
“Then you won't mind me telling you what we're doing this weekend?” Helen hums out.
“Alright alright, just tell me.” Madeline’s excited at what the surprise is going to be. Even if she was still trying to pretend she’s pouting at her dinner being upstaged by whatever lovely gift Helen was about to give her.
“When's the last time you've been to Paris?” The sentence makes Madeline freeze.
“It's been years. ” Madeline sits up, practically vibrating with excitement.
“Then this weekend is going to be; You. Me. And a first class flight to Paris.” Helen punctuates each word with a kiss.
“You're serious?” She grins, already mentally planning what stores she wants to stop by.
“Dead serious.” Helen nods.
“Well I suppose my mile high membership could use a renewal.” Madeline bites her lip, eyes drifting to Helen's cleavage again without even thinking about it.
“Down girl.” A hand presses against Madeline's chest until she's pushed gently backed into the sheets.
“What I can't fantasize about my girlfriend?” She teases. Her heart may be frozen in time but it still feels like it flutters when Helen swings a leg over her so she can straddle her hips.
“So we're using labels now?” She arches a brow, feeling Madeline’s hands start rubbing up and down her thighs as she looks up at her.
“Yup, never wanted to use one more.”
“Gay Madeline is a lot mushier.” Helen jokes, gazing lovingly down at how Madeline’s hair splays over the pillow. She looks like a painting. She should hire someone to paint her like this.
“What can I say, I'm making up for lost time.” Madeline lifts one shoulder with a shrug.
“We've got nothing but time.” Helen slides her hands down Madeline’s collarbones as she holds her face a few inches away.
“That we do.” Madeline agrees just before their lips connect.
Helen isn’t sure if she’s serious about that mile high club talk but that weekend she finds out just how serious Madeline was about following through with that.
Many. Many times.
As the flight comes to an end, from the window seat Helen can see the city come into view when the plane begins its descent. Next to her Madeline has her eyes squeezed shut, pressing her face into Helen’s shoulder. While they were in the air she was fine but it was something about the take off and the landing usually freaked Madeline out. Helen presses a kiss to the crown of her head, not bothered by the death grip on her right hand.
“It's almost over.” She says softly, getting an upset whimper in return. Eventually the wheels of the plane touch the ground and they’re able to deplane. When they make their way off the , Helen makes eye contact with one of the crew members.
“Have a good afternoon, Ms. Ashton, Ms. Sharp. I hope you enjoyed your flight and have a nice trip.” There’s a knowing look in his eye that Helen quickly looks away from.
She waits until they’re out of ear shot before she says, “They definitely heard us.” Her hand comes up, rubbing her temple.
“They might have, you were really into it.” The flashback from a few minutes ago when she was on her knees, two fingers deep as Helen bit her knuckle to attempt to hold back the sounds spilling from her. It really makes Madeline want to pull her into the nearest semi-private place for round two.
“Well I didn’t know I was into that.” The admission makes Madeline stop walking.
“Helen Sharp, you pervert! You like people hearing what I do to you, huh?” She teases with an ear to ear smile, pressing herself into Helen’s side. “You know our hotel has a balcony we could make use of.”
“Absolutely not.” She says but the thought is very, very tempting.
“Oh, think of the headlines, Hel.” She holds out her hands as if she can see the article already. “Madeline Ashton and Helen Sharp: Tongue Tied in Pairs” She beams and Helen laughs heartily.
“Not going to happen. I want you all to myself, no ones getting a free show.” A little yelp comes from Madeline when she pinches her ass.
“You’re no fun.” The fake pout returns.
“I’ll buy you the new bag you wanted to make it up to you? How about that?” Both of their bank accounts have taken a hard hit since they’ve gotten together.
“Oh well, I guess you’re alright then.” She grins, squeezing Helen’s hand as the two of them happily make their way to the taxi, excited to spend the rest of forever with their person.