Work Text:
MATEO TORREZ
“ You will never be her, Mateo. “
The sound of glass breaking pulls me from my thoughts. I keep forgetting that most things here work like they would if we were alive, the only difference being us as.. Non living creatures? Who knows what we are here.. I look down at the now shattered mug and huff in frustration, stupid ass dreams. I go to grab the broom and dustpan so I can pick up the glass, but then I hear the bedroom door open, and Rufus comes out talking. “Teo? Did something break?” He says as he walks into the kitchen looking at me, then at the floor. He sighs, and goes to pick it up. “Rufus–” I get ready to scold him, but his laugh distracts me. “Relax, babe. You know nothing hurts us here, ‘member?” I do, but it still doesn’t stop the worry. I stay silent and watch as he picks up all the glass, throwing it away afterwards. I put the broom and dustpan back in its respected corner and turned to him again. My mind goes back to the words I heard in my sleep. I know I shouldn’t be thinking of that, I should know he’d never say those things.
A large part of me does know he’d never say such words to me, but there’s still this small piece that believes there was some truth behind my mind being a complete asshole. Rufus was talking, I didn’t hear him. Now he’s right in front of me, one arm wrapped around my waist and a worried look for an expression. “What’s wrong, baby?” He says with that sweet ass tone in his voice, he figured out it had some effect on me a while ago. I don’t know how long ago, time here is weird. “It’s nothing, Rufus.” I replied, he doesn’t believe me. I can tell by his eyes, his really fucking beautiful eyes. He doesn’t believe me. My eyes dart away, I get nervous. He grabs my face and makes sure I look at him. I can feel my face go red. Everything is hot, but not as hot as it was when I died, no, this is different. Instead of agony, and excruciating pain, I feel light. I feel like just looking at him is going to make me melt, like the wicked witch in Wizard of OZ. I feel like I want his lips on mine.
But instead of kissing me, Rufus puts his hands on my scar, he always does when he touches my face. I don’t know why, and I honestly want to ask at least once. Maybe it’s some weird…I don’t know Rufus thing. I want to pull away from him. That’s a lie, I would never want to pull away from him. I would never want to leave him. I couldn’t, not again. Not ever again. “Mateo talk to me.” His voice is smooth and sweet. Calculated even, like he knows it’ll make me crack. I groan, and look at the floor. “Mateo.” he says, “Rufus.” I replied in frustration. He doesn’t budge though. No, if anything his eyes darken in determination and I finally break.
I don’t give myself time to think before words just spit out of my mouth. “Do you wish I were Amiee? That she were here instead of me, so that you’d fuck, and actually have shit to talk about?” I regret the words as soon as they leave. Not because they’re hurtful, but because I sound like some jealous asshole of a boyfriend. Because I sound like one of those insecure girlfriends in a trashy romcom I watched with dad. Not because the words are hurtful. Or, at least they shouldn’t be. I see his face drop and it makes me want to go back and never say those words, say something different in their place or even just disappear like this conversation had never happened. But I can’t, and now the room is quiet, Rufus won’t talk. He just looks at the floor, like it will give an answer. He can’t even answer for himself? Maybe my mind was right, and he would prefer Aimee, or one of the plutos, or hell maybe his family. Anyone, but me.
RUFUS EMTERIO
It’s not that I don’t want him here, the question catches me off guard. My mind goes blank, and any form of an answer is gone. I don’t know what to say, I look at the ground. Still nothing. It’s silent. For as long as I go without an answer, Mateo stays silent. Until I feel my hands around nothing but air, “Mateo–” I say realizing he pushed himself out of my hold. He doesn’t say anything after that. Doesn’t even look back at me, he heads to our bedroom, and the door closes behind him. He doesn’t slam it, Mateo has manners like that. Or maybe it’s just his anxiety, but he never yells, unless he’s really overwhelmed, like on our end day. Though even with how long we’ve been here he’s never found a reason to yell at me or raise his voice. I don’t follow him, I know I probably should have, but I also know he needs space or else neither of us are going to actually talk. And if i got in there it’d be like talking to a store mannequin again. Don’t ask why I did it in the first place, I just did.
Instead of going to my room – filled with a very cute boy, and a comfortable bed, I got to the couch in front of the fireplace. I sit there surrounded by my own silence, but it’s not like that for long because Mateo’s words echo in my mind, like the voices of everyone else I know. Olivia, my mom, Amiee, everyone. Does he seriously think I’d prefer someone else over him? And what the hell was that about sex?? I groan in frustration, but I don’t move. I need to give him time and space, that’s what he needs now. I sit on the couch for minutes, maybe hours? Who gives a shit the time is weird here anyway. I have enough of the waiting, he’s had enough time and space. Which is probably false, but again, who gives a shit. I get off the couch and make my way to our bedroom. I knock on the door, and he ignores me. Expected honestly. I walk in anyway, and there’s Mateo with some book in his hand. There’s books here? That’s besides the point, Rufus! “Mateo.” I speak calmly, walking towards the bed. He looks up, then at the book again.
I can hear myself huff in frustration. Not at him, never at him just– everything. I climb into the bed, I sleep here too so he can’t just kick me out.. Unless he actually did. Then that’s a different story, but not this story! He doesn’t glance at me, which could piss me off, but I won’t let it. Instead, I climb closer, and closer, and closer, until Mateo can no longer deny my presence. “Rufus, what the fuck are you doing?” He finally speaks, my face twists into a smirk, he’s talking. I kiss his cheek, he stares at me through the corner of his eye. I kiss him again, and again, until his book drops and he’s trying to push me off. “Rufus!” He scolds, I don’t stop kissing his face, his amazing, beautiful, scarred face. “Rufus I swear–” I cut him off with a kiss to his lips, he’s tense at first and I considered pulling away. Then he’s kissing me back like he usually does. He’s gotten a lot better when it comes to kissing.
Once we run out of air I pull away and just stare at him. He’s beautiful. His face is all flushed, his lips are red and puffy, he looks like he wants to cuss me out, but I know he won’t. I break away from him with one last kiss to the nose and he just huffs. “You are such an idiot for thinking I'd want anyone but you.” Mateo mumbles something under his breath, probably something to defend himself. I shake my head and pull him into my chest. “I don’t want anyone but Mateo Torrez. No one else.
“Not some girl who stole my first kiss, or the girl I made myself think was.. The one. She wasn’t, Teo. You are. You’re the only one, and me being here, with you? Is more than I could ever want to ask for.” he doesn’t believe me, I can tell by the way he looks away and doesn’t say anything. I’m about to give up when I get an idea. I kissed his face, like I was doing before. He tries to pull away and I tighten my grip on him so he can barely move. I kiss down his face to his jaw, pulling away only to speak. “I love your face, how all your features just..fit you.” I kiss down his neck and feel him swallow, he’s nervous. Perfect. I continue to kiss down his neck until I reach his collar bones. I hear him whimper and know instantly that he’s holding back. I pull away from his skin and take his hand, bringing it to my lips. “I love hearing your voice. The beautiful sounds you make…You’re nothing like her, Mateo. You’ll never be her…and honestly? I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I kissed him.
MATEO
Rufus continued his attack on my chest, biting and kissing my shoulders and whatever else he could find with flesh on it. He’s whispering praise with every kiss. Telling me about how good I am for him, how happy I make him. it’s intimate without it being overly sexual and overwhelming. Though I doubt my brain understands the difference with all the whines I let out as he kisses my skin as lightly as he can. ‘“Rufus–” I hear myself whine when he suddenly sucks on a patch of skin. My hands go up to his hair so I can steady myself, hoping not to fall back on the headboard like some needy idiot. I can feel how he nips and sucks at my skin, I can’t help but moan at the sensation. I should stop him, I’ve never gone this far with anyone, Fuck’s sake he’s my first and only kiss – this is going to fast, I should stop him! But I don’t. Instead I tremble and moan and he keeps kissing, and biting, and sucking on every part of my body. Eventually my hands are no longer in his hair, he’s not in front of me like before.
He’s made his way down to my legs, and that’s when I finally snap out of it. “Rufus, stop!-” I yell out, and in an instant his touch is gone. I hold back the noise of protest that wants to escape from my mouth, but instead I swallow it. Rufus looks at me, a flash of worry in his eyes when he does, I close my eyes and pant, did i forget how to breathe or something? “Did I hurt you? Are you okay?” His voice is frantic, his hands on my face and I look at him before smiling. “I’m fine– It’s just.. Everything was going so fast and I–” Rufus kisses my head, throwing me off guard before I could finish my sentence. It’s his way of telling me not to apologize. “I’m sorry..” He apologies instead. “I don’t want her. I don’t want anyone but you. What even… What made you think that?” when he asks me that I don’t answer. It takes me a moment before I'm confident in my answer. “It’s just-... I had a nightmare about it, and it made me think about how many of your firsts aren’t.. With me? It’s so dumb.”
“Rufus you’re gonna be my first and last of.. Everything! My first kiss, my first boyfriend, hell my first partner overall, and my first time! What am I to you? Your last friend, your last boyfriend–” I don’t notice how my breathing gets harder, I didn’t notice how fast I was talking, I didn’t notice that I was currently spiraling. “Mateo, you're the love of my life. Afterlife, whatever the fuck you wanna call this. Sure, you’re not my first kiss, or my first time, but-.. You’re the first person I’ve loved in a way I can’t love anyone else. What I feel towards you doesn’t even compare to how I felt towards Aimee. Me and her.. We had been together so long, seen each other through.. A lot. It felt like- it felt like I had to love. Because if I didn’t love her, who else would I love?” He pauses for a moment, catching his breath, i just stare at him. “I figured that out. And the answer, Teo? The answer was you. So yeah, you’re not my first time, but you sure as hell are my first love. You understand that, don’t you Mateo? I love you.”
I can argue with him anymore, so I don’t. Instead I slowly bring my hands to his shoulders and kiss him. It doesn’t take him a second later for him to kiss me back, his hand travels to my back and I swear he pulls me closer. I sigh into the kiss, and feel his lips quirk up into a smile. That’s when I pull away with a smile of my own. “I love you too.” I whisper to him, I have no need to whisper really. We’re alone, with no one to interrupt us, no death to pull us away from one another, just them.
I know there are going to be more uncomfortable talks like this, conversations that make me want to disappear. But I also know that i’m never giving up on rufus, and I just hope Rufus feels the same for me.