This mess we’re in

by animpossiblegirl

Summary:

Clara Oswald is doing just fine. single mum, teacher, survivor. She isn’t looking for anything new. But then she meets John Smith. And maybe, just maybe, life has other plans.

Notes:

This idea came from realising that I had read loads of whouffaldi single parent AU’s but it was never Clara.

So here’s my take on it, Hope you enjoy! Xx

(Hoping to update once or twice weekly)

Chapter 1

“Could a dog be an astronaut?”

“Oh, darling, I don’t know,” Clara said with full certainty. “Maybe if they went to the right school for it.”

Their conversation ended promptly when the kettle began to whistle. Clara left off brushing her daughter’s hair and made a hopeful dash for the kitchen—determined to get at least two sips of tea before she inevitably had to run out the door with her right shoe still in hand..

Ellie was still sitting on the living room floor, brush and bow in hand, quietly muttering something about space dogs and tiny helmets.

“Ellie, shoes, please! We’re already late!” Clara yelled from the kitchen, half-balanced on one foot while trying to shove a stack of Year 8’s Pride and Prejudice essays into her work bag.

One of them had a suspicious jam stain. She sighed, made a mental note to track down the culprit later, and reached for her travel mug—only to realize it was still empty.

Clara was sure that the rush they had to get out of the door in one piece every single morning was aging her drastically. She was thankful that she got to work before second period most days.

“Well this is a surprise, Clara Oswald has shown her face before nine am?” Her best friend Amy jeered from her place on the staff room sofa. A stack of papers in her hands and a suspicious looking mask to the right of her. Clara couldn’t believe some of the props Amy managed to find for her drama classes. 

“What can I say, maybe my punctuality is finally healing” Clara laughed as she sat down beside her. Sinking into the worn brown leather and the threadbare navy pillows.

Oh shit” Amy said as she looked out the window. “I put the washing out before I left”.

“Rory's problem now Ames ” Clara teased.

Amy glanced at Clara over the rim of her coffee cup, the corner of her mouth twitching. “You know, now that you’re turning up before nine, it might be time to consider rejoining the rest of adult society.”

Clara gave her a look. “What, like getting a proper skincare routine and watching the news?”

Amy snorted. “No. I mean dating.”

Clara groaned, dropping her head back against the threadbare cushion. “Please no. Don’t start.”

“I’m serious,” Amy said, nudging her knee. “It’s been, what, four years? You’re allowed to have a life. A messy, romantic, ‘tell me everything immediately’ life.”

Clara stared at the ceiling for a moment. “I do have a life. It just includes a four-year-old who thinks dogs can be astronauts and that chicken nuggets are a food group.”

“And she’s amazing,” Amy said gently. “But you don’t stop being you just because you’re a mum. You deserve more than laundry and lesson plans.”

Clara exhaled slowly. “It’s not that simple, Ames. It’s not just me anymore. I can’t bring someone into her life unless I’m absolutely sure. And the thought of getting it wrong—”

Amy reached over and squeezed her hand. “Then don’t rush. But don’t close the door either. You never know who might be standing outside it.” Their conversation was interrupted by the bell ringing. “Oh well gotta go” Clara said getting on her feet. “Year sevens await me”.

“Goodbye Miss Oswald. Think of me while i need to speak to uninterested year eights”.        

Miiisss, how come I didn’t get a mark for saying that Mr Darcy was well fit and loaded” Courtney yelled from her seat in the left corner of Clara’s classroom.

“Because Courtney i asked you all to use formal language in this essay. I cannot award slang”

“Buttt Miss its the only way i can write”

“Courtney if you have a serious issue with this please just come and speak to me at lunch” Clara replied in a calm tone. Trying not to lose her paitiance with Courtney woods was a nightmare. Clara could go as far to say it was worse than the out of the flat rush.

Clara locked her classroom door with a satisfying click, her tote bag slung over one shoulder and a stack of forgotten worksheets tucked under one arm. The corridor had emptied out fast—just a few stray students still loitering by their lockers and the faint sound of chairs scraping floors from a classroom down the hall.

Outside, the air was sharp and cool, the kind of chill that hinted spring wasn’t quite ready to commit. She squinted against the low sun as she crossed the car park, keys in hand.

The car was a mess, as usual. A collection of empty coffee cups, one pink sock, and an apple juice box lived in the footwell. She shoved the worksheets into the passenger seat and started the engine, the radio crackling to life halfway through a song she didn’t recognise 

Clara let out a slow breath as she pulled out of the car park . The silence between her and the road felt like the first real quiet of the day.

She didn’t think of Amy’s comment—don’t close the door—but she didn’t not think of it either. It lingered somewhere, just beneath the hum of the engine and the familiar route she could drive with her eyes closed.

The nursery wasn’t far. A little brick building with painted wooden letters above the door and a ladybird mural fading under years of rain and sun. Clara parked up and slipped out, tucking her coat tighter around her as she walked up the path.

Through the window, she could already see Ellie. Sitting cross-legged on the carpet, a crown made out of cardboard and glitter crooked on her head, telling a story to a half-circle of stuffed animals.

Clara smiled. The ache behind her eyes that tired, stretched-too-thin feeling—eased just a little.

She knocked lightly on the glass before stepping inside.

“Mummy!!!!” Ellie yelled before running at her like a glitter glue hurricane. Clara swept her up in her arms, spinning her round just holding the quiet embrace of her daughter. 

“What did you do today princess?” Clara asked, setting Ellie down so she could pick up her bag and sign her out. “I made a crown and i read a fairy story and ohh i drew you a picture”, she giggled as she ran over to her peg grabbing a sheet of card out and proudly displaying it to Clara “look it's us mummy, our little team!” she beamed. 

“Oh darling, I love it. It’s very pretty”, Clara gushed as she wiped away a small tear. 

Ellie had brought home what seemed like thousands of pieces of artwork but the ones of the two of them together were the ones that always made Clara emotional. 

Chapter 2

Notes:

I know I said twice a week but I couldn’t wait to get this out Eek!

John walked up to the doors of St Luke’s university, Taking in the familiar scent of wood and coffee. He had a lecture on computer science at Nine thirty or was it poetry? He wasn’t too sure.

“Black coffee please thanks” he said to the barista at the outdoor coffee cart, the same place he had gone every morning for all of the years he had been here. 

As he walked towards his office with his scalding hot coffee he saw bill standing outside waiting for him, her bright yellow backpack slung awkwardly over one denim jacketed shoulder.

“Doctor, Hi I had a question for you” She asked following him into the office. 

“And what is it then bill?”

“Well I saw it in a study I read for the class” she rambled “it said that people that live alone or shut themselves off may live shorter, do you think that’s true?”

“Where was this study from bill?” He asked, leaning slightly across the table. 

“Oh I’m not sure some website”

“Well I’ll be honest, I highly doubt that but I will do my independent research. But I’ll see you at six on the dot”.

“Alright, see you later Doctor” Bill said as she ran out of the door. 

John sighed to himself, Bill was a bright young woman but she had a tendency to believe everything that she saw online. He checked his watch and noticed that he had fifteen minutes until his lecture was supposed to start. Making his way to the lecture hall passing many students he may or may not teach he didn’t exactly keep track. He knew many students not registered to be taught by him came anyway, In Fact that was how he met bill. He had seen her attending his classes but he knew she worked in the cafeteria and after six months of tutoring he managed to get her enrolled in his classes. 

He took a deep inhale as he entered the hall “Right ok” he said, clapping his hands and looking around at all the students' faces anxiously waiting to see what he was deciding to teach today. He chucked his bag lazily at a chair and started to write on the blackboard. “Alright, Frankenstein-written by Mary Shelly in 1818 when she was twenty one, regarded as one of the first modern sci-fi novels” the students all scrambled for their pens and books to take their notes. 

____________

After John had taught for what felt like forever. He had spoken about many gothic novels and romantic poets. He had been at the university for so long he just lectured on whatever he felt like he was one of the longest standing professors many many years well he wasn’t sure completely but he knew that it around seventeen-eighteen ish years, it was definitely before River had passed, he didn’t like to keep track of time like that-constantly knowing he was moving further away from her.

He let out a small smile when at six pm on the dot he heard a knock, bills punctuality always impressed him. He could tell how much this tutoring meant to her. He was surprised when she sauntered in the door with a dazy dreamy look on her face, like something had caught her in a trap. 

“Bill, are you alright?” John asked quizzically.

“Oh sorry yeah well” She said taking a deep breath “Heather asked me out!!!” Bill looked as if she was going to pass out from excitement. 

“It’s about time, you’ve been on about her for months” 

“We’re going for dinner tonight” Bill said. John wouldn’t have been surprised had she started jumping up and down at this very moment. 

Bill had finally calmed down and they were able to get on with their tutoring. He had decided to expand on the quantum psychics lesson from yesterday- a subject he knew was not her strong suit. But he couldn’t blame her-she was young and in love, John of all people knew what that felt like. 

“Doctor, I can't believe you’ve been tutoring me for a year and I’ve never asked about your photos,” Bill said, gesturing to the frames he had on the table. One was of his sister Helen and her son James, another was of his parents on their wedding day. And his last, biggest frame was his favourite photo of River. It was right after they were married and the smile on her face could have melted the arctic. 

“Well alright” he said pointing to the pictures “that’s my sister and nephew, my parents, and my late wife”

“Oh, doctor I’m really sorry I shouldn’t have asked” 

“Bill I don’t mind, it’s nice to keep talking about her, She passed suddenly sixteen years ago, Her name was River” John hadn’t realised while he was speaking but tears had started to well in his eyes. Bill let the room sit in a comfortable silence. For only twenty one she understood loss very well. She reached across the table and took one of his cold long hands in hers which were surprisingly warm. 

“Oh my god sorry Bill” John said looking at the dark brown grandfather clock resting in the corner “I’ve kept you later than I should have, you need to go to meet heather in time”. 

She stood up and gathered her things. “Thank you for today Doctor, I’ll tell you about it tomorrow, Bye” she waved as she ran out the room and for the door. 

____________

On his walk back to his flat all john could think about was how long he had been alone. He had been a widower for sixteen and hadn’t had a proper relationship since that. There had been dud dates that Helen had set up but nothing ever stuck as he just felt guilty, like he was betraying the woman he had promised forever too. Though when he say Bill head over heels in her young romance- he wondered maybe he could try again. 

He made it home and threw his bag over the kitchen chair. Flicking the light on and chucking a record on. He scoured the cupboard to try and find something easy, settled on some form of pasta and let the kettle boil while he got changed into a hoodie and joggers. 

He thought if he decided to re-enter the social world he probably needed to start with friends. He took a look through his phone contacts and realised that he had really shut himself off. He thought he would have one more look before giving up, then he saw the perfect name. Missy, they had been raised together in the Gorbals in Glasgow, their mothers were best friends and hers practically took Him and Helen in when his father got sick following their mother’s death. 

He hit call  and was relieved that it didn’t ring for long. 

“Hi John good to hear from you, how’s life at the minute” Missy asked

“Hello, I realised that I’ve been shutting myself off from people and I would love to catch you for a drink?” He asked, He really hoped she would agree because she was his only idea here. 

“Sounds perfect, I’m in London until Monday but I am free tomorrow night if you are?” 

“Great, I think I know a pub we could go to if that suits” he suggested. 

“Perfect, I’m assuming you’re still in the flat so I’ll come by around seven?” 

“Amazing thanks Missy, see you later” He said as he hung the phone up- proud of himself for reaching out. 

Chapter 3

Ellie, which pyjamas do you want for tonight?’ Clara asked as she stepped into her daughter’s room, holding two pairs of equally pink and equally fluffy pyjamas.

‘Those ones” Ellie said as she pointed to the pair in Clara’s left hand-the pair adorned with small rabbits with glittery noses. 

“Alright boss, your bags are almost done. Can you just grab me your bunny and anything else you want?” Clara said, stepping back to the living room where laid out on the deep purple sofa was Ellie’s overnight bag and Clara's clothes for going out. She heard a small shuffle behind her and saw Ellie with her tiny arms full of toys and blankets. 

“Darling” Clara laughed “it's just a night at Grandads you don’t need all of this- you have so many toys there and he definitely has lots of blankets”

“But they’re not home toys, I want things I can play with you” Ellie said, a frown crept across her little face and her eyes started to water. 

“Ellie it’s alright sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Clara asked, moving the bags off the sofa, pulling Ellie onto her lap and wrapping her in a blanket. 

“I always miss you too much at Grandads-it’s not the same, I get scared but i don’t want to wake them up”Ellie said, tears streaming down her face. 

“Ellie Amelia Oswald” Clara said full-naming her as she turned Ellie to face her “If you get scared tonight or at anyone’s house, you go and wake them-Grandad will not be angry at all, he will give you a cuddle and help you get to sleep, ok?”. 

“Okay Mummy”. 

Ellie bounded off back to her room as Clara started packing again. To Ellie the conversation may have faded into nothing but to Clara it stuck ringing in her mind how could she leave her, if she admitted to getting scared away from her. Clara decided she needed a second opinion-so she did what she always does, calls Amy.

Amy thankfully picked up on the first ring. “Hey Oswald what’s up, ready for tonight?” Amy asked Clara could hear the shower going in the background. 

“God Ames sorry if I’ve interrupted your shower but I need a little advice”

"Ahhh I see you have come to your infinite pool of wiser wisdom” Amy said with a squeaky voice. 

“Amy, you are a year older than me-and I really just need you to help me stop believing I’m world 's worst mum” Clara said with a slight giggle. 

“Well I personally think that you rank at number one but what happened?” Amy asked, sounding slightly concerned.

“So Ellie is staying at my dad’s tonight. And this is not my bail i promise. Basically Ellie said that she missed me too much when she stayed without me and that she got too scared in other houses but didn’t want to wake people up- Uh i just feel terrible knowing she gets no sleep and is terrified” By the time she finished speaking Clara felt a massive weight lift off her chest. 

“I’m assuming that you told her your dad wouldn’t be mad at her and make sure the same goes for me and Rory. Clara you are seriously the best mum that girl could ask for, but you still have a life-one that you were too unwell to manage for a year. Going out for Rory’s birthday is not anything major-but it’s something you deserve. I love you. And she’s going to be fine” Am reassured Clara through the phone. 

“Thank you Amy, I’ll be at yours for six-ish. See ya” Clara said as she hung up the phone. 

____________

Clara was in the middle of blow drying her hair when Ellie skipped into the room and threw herself on Clara’s bed. 

“Ellie” Clara laughed, trying to shout over the hairdryer “You’re on my clothes for tonight-you little menace”. She put the hairdryer down and moved over to the bed. Throwing herself on and tickling Ellie ‘till she was trying to squirm out of Clara’s grasp. “Come on” Clara said as she jumped off the bed-dragging Ellie with her. The oven timer had just gone off and Clara wanted the two of them to get a quick dinner before they left. Clara wanted to keep Ellie’s usual routine, she also didn’t want to drink on an empty stomach. Keeping up with Amy would be impossible if not. 

Clara ran towards the oven, grabbing out the tray that held half a packet of fish fingers and some potato smiles, healthy she thought to herself- but now was not the time to analyse the food she made; they had to be out the door on time. Clara chucked it all onto a plate and turned back to her room. Where she found Ellie playing with her lacy cami top-the one she had looked out for tonight. She handed the plate to Ellie and told her not to eat them all before resuming her place at the vanity to start her makeup. Clara felt like she was just mindlessly chucking products at her face-without enough time to check that it actually looked alright. Once she was changed she inspected herself in the mirror while trying to shove some silver hoops in her ears. 

“Mummy you look pretty” Ellie beamed from her place, legs criss-cross on the bed amongst Clara’s many throw pillows. 

“Thank you sweetheart” Clara Said, adjusting her pale pink blazer over her shoulders. Grabbing her clutch and Ellie’s overnight bag, she made sure the door was locked as they went down the stairs and out to the car. She had some form of convoluted plan to get to Amy’s, she would drop Ellie at her dad’s-then drive to Amy’s and just leave the car there.  

Ellie hummed along happily to the cd in the car, Clara was sure it was scratched beyond repair but Ellie enjoyed the songs that could play semi-clearly.

____________

As Clara pulled onto her dads driveway she could see him standing hands clasped waiting for them. 

“There’s my girls” he said as they got out of the car, Ellie ran straight from her seat and jumped into his arms. Clara turned the engine off and grabbed Ellie’s bag. 

”Hiya Love, you alright” asked her dad as he pulled her into a side hug, Ellie squirming impatiently in his other arm. The three of them walked inside the house and Clara could smell her dads fresh bread-just out of the oven. 

“Grandad” Ellie asked “what are we doing tonight?” That gorgeous impish grin on her face, fluttering her eyelashes. 

“Whatever you want to do princess” he said, taking her bag from Clara and setting it on the white marble kitchen island. “Have you both eaten?”

”Yes, well kind of-Ellie could probably use something but sorry I’ve got to dash” Clara said grabbing her bag. “Ellie, come here” Clara beckoned her over. “Have a good night, I Love you” as Clara pulled her in for a hug and as she did she whispered in her ear “remember what I said, Ok?”. As she pulled back Ellie started nodding. 

“Come on let's go wave to mummy” Dave said, Ellie holding his hand as they walked over to the living room window. Clara got in the car and took a deep exhale. This was always the tricky bit, she hated leaving her-but Rory was one of her best friends and he deserved celebrating. Especially after how many times he and Amy had pulled her out of the rubble. The car felt so silent on the way to Amy’s, but rather than the usual lonely guilt. Clara felt as though it gave her space to breathe, to have some time to reflect and think without a million questions being thrown at her at once. As she pulled into the pond's driveway Amy ran out the house-hair still in rollers and a glass of Prosecco in one hand, She pulled Clara into a hug and led her inside the house.

”Hiya Rory” Clara called up the stairs,setting her bag on the kitchen table and taking a seat at one of the wooden chairs. 

“Oh Clara” Rory said running down the stairs “sorry, I didn’t realise you were here”.

”I just got here all of thirty seconds ago, Happy birthday,” she said as she got up from the table and walked into the living room. She handed Rory his gift.

”Wow, Thanks Clara!” Rory said as he ripped the wrapping paper. Inside he found The Beatles-Abbey road. He pulled Clara in for a hug before shouting up the stairs to his wife to ask if she was planning on taking any longer to get ready. They heard a muffled reply from Amy and figured that she'd be down soon. 

“Sorry folks” Amy laughed as she ran down the stairs rollerless this time. she shoved on her heels and adjusted her lacy red top in the hall mirror. “When’s the taxi here Rory?”. 

“Should be any second” He replied, Passing Amy her bag and turning off the kitchen light. 

“I think I just heard it” Clara said motioning toward the front door. 

“Night out, here we come” Amy said as she ran out the door. Clara and Rory exchanged a knowing look and followed her out the door.

 

 

Chapter 4

Notes:

Feeling rather productive so here’s another chapter!

“Wait-i forgot to ask, who's going to be here tonight?” Clara asked the Ponds once they were sitting in the taxi on their way to the pub.

”Emm, God I'm not sure," Rory said, looking puzzled. “Amy planned all this” He whispered to Clara which led her to let out a small giggle. Amy really liked to plan a party and she was damn good at it. 

“Okay so us obviously, Martha and Mickey, Rose and David, Jamie and Donna and Lee are maybe, they just got back from Cyprus” Amy said, counting everyone on her fingers, Making sure she hadn’t missed them. 

“Quite the gathering you’ve planned then Ames” Clara chuckled. 

“Well.. Rory only turns 31 once and it's been ages since we’ve seen everyone so I thought it would be really nice”

Clara repeated Amy’s guest list in her head and realised she would be spending the whole night around married couples, Well apart from Amy’s cousin Jamie, who moved down three years ago with his boyfriend. Clara really loved all her friends and them being married didn’t strike resentment or sadness in her. she just knew they would be recommending cute co-workers that “she would be great with” and telling her to get back out there. She knew in a perfect world she would have a great relationship, But in this one she was chronically fatigued and had a headstrong four year old who wouldn’t sleep most nights. 

The taxi pulled up outside and the three of them walked up to the door. Clara had been in this pub more times than she could count, the last time must have been her birthday two years ago-Amy had planned it and the whole night all she was asked about was Ellie. Not that she minded talking about her daughter. She has had quiet birthdays since. 

“Hi guys, sorry we’re late” Amy said as she took a seat at the table to the left of Martha. 

“Happy birthday Rory” Rose said from her chair in the far corner with David’s arm slung round her shoulder. They’d gotten married straight out of uni and had stayed in the honeymoon stage since. Well Uni for Rose, David had been her professor and they fell head over heels for each other, Clara wasn’t sure exactly but she knew that David was around fifty. She didn’t judge them as Clara herself could be partial to an older man. If she was to “get back out there”, she would want a relationship like theirs. Easy and blissful, They just seemed so in love. 

“What’s everyone drinking?” Jamie said as he got up from the table clasping his hands together. Everyone gave their orders and it eventually got round to clara. 

“White wine please Jamie,” She replied. 

“coming up” He said as he walked toward the bar. 

“So Miss Oswald” Martha said turning towards Clara “How’s life treating you, It’s been ages since i’ve seen you”. 

“It has hasn’t it, Everything’s going alright. Still at Coal hill and Ellie just turned four. How’s everything for you guys?”

“Oh yeah we’re all good. Have you ggot a picture of Ellie?. I think the last time I saw her she was still tiny” Martha asked. 

Clara pulled her phone out of her bag “This was her baking with my dad the other day” She showed Martha the photo, it was one of Clara’s favourites. It perfectly summed Ellie up, That mischievous grin on her face and the twinkle in her little brown eyes.

 Their conversation was interrupted by Jamie coming back with their drinks “For the ladies” He said as he slid two glasses toward them.

____________

When they were about three drinks deep a slightly tipsy Amy shuffled over to Clara. “You alright, Oswin?” She asked.
“Yeah good, what’s up ames?” She asked, laughing a little at the puzzled expression on Amy’s face. 

“You look, what’s the word- subdued” Amy clapped her hands as she said it. 

“Trust me, I'm good,” She replied. Amy thought for a moment. 

“sorry i’ve made you spend the whole night with married people, you must think we’re boring”. 

“Course not, I love you all. And it’s not just me, Jamie’s here too” She laughed. Amy went back to her seat next to Rory, who had gotten her another drink. 

“Clara, Hi” Jamie said as he sat next to her. 

“Hey Jamie, How’s life treating you”. 

“Works good, I’m liking living down here” as he spoke they both looked over at Amy, who was now downing shots. “Jeez, it’s only nine o'clock,” Jamie said Checking his watch. 

“A drunk Amy is like a stubborn toddler” Clara said “and believe me, i would know”. Jamie laughed as she spoke. 

They all seemed to regroup around the table, who knew how many drinks in. Rory and Mickey had gone to get another round. “Sooo Clara” Rose asked “Have we got any special someone’s right now” She could see Amy’s eyes light up, she had been on Clara for ages to date again. 

“Absolutely not,” Clara laughed “Honestly I’ve got no time for any of that”. 

“But you deserve to find someone that treats you right,” Rose protested. 

“He would have to be ok with no sleep and Cbeebies”.

Rose paused for a minute before asking “Who was the last guy you dated anyway”. 

Clara’s heart sunk, she hadn’t dated anyone since Danny died two years ago. “It was Danny,” She admitted. She suddenly felt Amy’s hand on the small of her back, Amy had been there for them after he had passed away.

 “Ah, sorry” Rose said, embarrassment falling over her face, she looked away and brushed a lock of blonde hair out of her face. 

“Rose” Clara said “it's fine, I accepted after Danny that maybe I wasn’t set out for serious relationships. I mean I’ve had some shitty luck with my last ones”

Amy piped up “you shouldn’t have to settle Clara, Alfie..” Clara shuddered as Amy spoke, That was a name she never liked to hear. “He was a prick, let's be honest he was”. Rose nodded along in agreement. “And Danny was nice but, you don’t need to feel guilty about moving on”. 

“Thank guys, it's just” Clara paused before continuing “Danny tried with Ellie but he wasn’t her Dad. I would never dream of trying to contact Alfie or finding anyone like him at all”. 

“Bow tie wearing dick” Amy muttered.

”Preach,” Rose agreed. 

“As much as I hate him, I did get something pretty good out of it” Clara said. Amy and Rose nodded along in agreement. 

“Sooo, Coal Hill” Rose asked, quickly changing the subject “is it still the same or have there been revolutionary changes, like working hand dryers?”. 

“Still the same” Amy laughed “except we did get a new staff room couch if that counts”. 

“Oh Absolutely” Rose said. Rose and Clara had graduated from uni the year after Amy, and with coal hill being underfunded and desperate for teachers, Amy put in a good word and they both started after the summer. Rose became the first psychology teacher they had and Clara slotted into their tiny English department. 

“Gosh-it's been ages, when did I leave?” Rose asked.

”Nearly five years I think," Amy replied. 

“Yeah definitely” Clara said “You went right as i was pregnant with Ellie”. Rose left after around two years, her and David had moved to Wales and she kept teaching there. 

”Oh God i did” Rose said “I remember you just told me on my last day, I couldn’t believe it”. 

“I don't even think my dad knew then, Just Amy and Rory,” Clara said.

”The three of us have come far since then” Amy said, wrapping her arms around them.

Around an hour later the pub had quietened a little and it was easier to make out the other tables. 

“Clara” Rose said, wrapping an arm around her “Look at him”. Rose turned Clara in the direction of a table in the far corner, sitting at it was a very attractive silver fox of a man.

 “Woah, good eye Rose” Clara looked harder and her stomach sank “Look Rose” She gestured toward the woman at the table with him “That’s definitely a wife or girlfriend of some sort”. She was about his age. She had a kind of wacky attractiveness. 

“I’m sure it’s not,” Rose said. 

“No look Clara, He just looked at you i'm sure” Amy said excitedly.

”Thanks for caring but he’s clearly on a date”.

“Well maybe it's a sign of some sort” rose suggested “Don’t shut that door Oswald”. 

“Yes ma'am,” Clara laughed. 

Rory returned two minutes later and handed Clara and Rose a strawberry daiquiri. 

“You’re a good man Mr Pond” Rose giggled through her straw. 

“So how are we?” he said, sitting down next to Clara. 

“We’ve found Clara a new boyfriend,” Rose said.

“God Rose shut up” Clara said, elbowing her in the ribs. 

“Who?” He asked, surveying the pub by rapidly shaking his head.

Rose subtly pointed in the table's direction. “He’s clearly on a date” Clara said, rolling her eyes. 

“You should speak to him,” He said. 

“You are shameless Rory” Clara laughed “no chance”.

The band in the pub was playing covers and the dance floor was practically full. Martha and Amy were singing along, Rose was being spun around the floor by Jamie, Both of them red faced from laughter. It had been an extremely long day and Clara had absolutely no energy left for dancing, she wished she could slip away, but in such a small group they-especially Amy would notice very quickly. She could feel the lights hitting her eyes and the music pounding through her head. Great, she would have a migraine tomorrow as well as being hungover. She sipped her drink while blinking slowly trying to will away the horrible feeling in her stomach. Clara checked her phone and saw a text from her dad.

Dad: Ellie asleep. She’s had dinner and a bath. Have a good night, Take care x

Clara: Okay great. Thanks so much xx

She put her phone back in her bag and exhaled slowly. Amy walked over, drink in hand and sat across from Clara. 

“You look miserable, what’s wrong?”

“Oh nothing, I'm fine,” Clara replied. 

“No you're not” Amy said, laying a hand on Clara’s shoulder “What’s up, You’ve got that i feel ill look on your face”.

“It’s been a long day and I'm exhausted,” Clara admitted. 

Amy suddenly looked very worried “Do you feel dizzy, sore?” 

“Just tired” Clara said “sorry to dampen the mood Ames” 

“Not at all, Just making sure you’re okay” She said, her face soft with care and worry. 

”Thanks” Clara said, her face softening as a weight left her chest. 

“So what did you get Rory for his birthday?” Clara asked excitedly. 

“Oh nothing yet” Amy said mischievously “He’s getting that tonight” She winked and walked towards the loos, leaving Clara in her wake. 

____________

As the crowd in the pub had filtered Clara had coped better with the noise, her head felt slightly clearer. Martha and Mickey had left twenty minutes ago and their group was the largest in the place. Clara couldn’t help herself to keep glancing over to his table, Still with the same woman. Clara was desperate to give up and accept that he was in a relationship. Her thoughts were interrupted by Amy grabbing her and pulling her toward the dance floor at the opening notes of You’ve got the love by Florence and the machine, the song had barely started and Amy was straight over. 

“I had to” Amy whispered in her ear. Clara could hear the song clearer and tears started to well in her eyes. ”Our soundtrack,” Clara laughed. The last time she had danced to this song with Amy had been at her wedding, Clara had just admitted to Amy and Rory that she was pregnant with Ellie after a whole day of batting off sympathy as everyone had found out that Alfie had left her. Amy had shown her that she had her back no matter what that day.

They spun round in circles, holding onto each other. Laughing and singing the entire time. They broke contact when Rory came running over, Claras phone in hand. 

“Clara its your dad, there’s no text so i'm not sure what he’s saying” He handed it to her. Clara answered and ran to the quietest corner she could find. 

“Hi dad," she said, sounding worried “Is everything alright, Is Ellie Ok?”

”Clara, No not exactly. I've just had a call from your Grans home. She’s had a terrible fall love, she’s been taken to the hospital. I know you’ll want to come, Ellies still asleep” Clara could hear the terror in his voice. Her dad was a levelheaded man but as soon as someone took unwell he became a ball of anxiety. 

“Oh my-“ Clara said “I'll try and get there as soon as i can ok?”. 

“Alright, see you soon” he said, hanging up the phone. 

Clara ran over to the table. 

“Is everything alright?” Rose asked. 

“No, sorry my dad. He said my grans had a fall She’s in hospital, i need to go” Clara was shaking and her voice was unsteady. 

“Clara i can take you if you need, I've not been drinking” Jamie offered. 

“Really Jamie” he nodded “Thank you, that would be incredible”.
Clara grabbed her bag and coat and quickly said goodbye to the others before dashing out of the door and around the corner to where Jamie was parked. 

The drive seemed to pass in a blur, the roads were quiet enough that it didn't take too long. The streetlamps all blended into one and Clara felt terribly unwell. Every jolt turned her stomach and she felt like screaming. Clara could feel herself sobering up very quickly. 

Clara and her gran hadn’t had the smoothest of relationships. From her disapproval to Clara travelling after uni, She also looked down on some of her friends and she was less than thrilled when she became a single mother a few years into her career. She tried to push those thoughts out of her head and focus on getting there in one piece. She was snapped out of it when Jamie pulled into the hospital car park. she shuffled to pick up her things and reached for the door before turning back. “Thank you Jamie”. 

“It’s no bother, I hope everything goes alright”. She stepped out of the car and walked toward the hospital doors. The smell of disinfectant hit her the second she stepped inside. asking the receptionist where to go and taking the lift to the floor felt like an age, every second ticking by increased her anxiety. 

She found her Grans room, just off the intensive care ward. Her dad hadn’t told her any details so she was walking in blind. Clara took a breath and gently pushed at the battered brown door. 

“Hi love” Her Dad whispered as she walked in the door. She took a seat next to him at the side of the bed. Her Gran looked drawn and small. 

“How is she?” Clara asked, Taking her dads hand in hers. 

“Not as bad as they initially thought”. 

“That’s alright, I would’ve been here sooner sorry”. Her Dad promptly cut her off. 

“Clara, I phoned you when I knew what was happening, don't blame yourself”.
She smiled slightly. “Where’s Ellie?” She asked. 

“We didn't know what was happening and she was still asleep, so Linda’s with her. Is that ok?” He asked. 

“Yeah of course, wouldn’t want to disturb her before we know”. 

Clara felt the hours pass like minutes and she took her heels off and curled up in the hard green plastic chair. Her dad checked his watch. 

“That’s two o’clock” he said “You could do with some sleep.

She closed her eyes and pulled her knees in closer, she tried to put her mind at ease and calm down. Uncertain of what was to come for her.

 

 

Chapter 5

Notes:

Perspective switch time!

John took a seat at his desk and opened up his laptop, clearing emails and responding to student questions. He followed his normal routine until Bill walked in at six. 

“Hi Doctor” 

“Hello Bill” He said, looking up from his laptop and taking off his glasses. 

“So, anything planned for tonight?” She asked, throwing herself down on the other side of the desk. 

“yes actually” Bill looked shocked. 

“No way really, who?”. 

“I’m meeting a friend from Glasgow who I grew up with,” He said. 

“Oh wow that's really nice, Hope you enjoy. What’re you doing?”

”We’re going for drinks” 

“Well I won't keep you long” She said, winking “I should be going anyway”. 

 

As soon as Bill left the room John realised what kind of impression she had got. He grasped his head in his hands. If he was going to date again it would certainly not be Missy, She was a Lesbian for a start and John was also convinced that she was slightly insane. Miss had been weird and wacky from about four years old. She had always been telling him how she didn't fit in and she was going to London for university, to be around “non boring people”. 

 

”Just my luck” he muttered as he walked out the building promptly being soaked. He got back to his flat, dried off and showered, Then tried to pick out some clothes. After pulling out about every pair of jeans he owned and changing a thousand times, he finally settled on a pair of dark jeans and a grey jumper. He checked the clock in the kitchen and decided he would leave in ten. He unpacked his work bag and plugged his laptop into charge, His phone vibrated as a new text came through. 

 

Missy: Hi, Just about to leave. I can get us a table. Just text me when you get here. 

 

John: No bother. Leaving soon. see you then.

 

Grabbing his black coat and flicking off the living room light John turned to lock his front door. He wasn’t far from the pub and the rain from earlier had subsided so he decided to walk. He arrived and fired Missy a quick text before heading inside. He saw she had secured a small table in the far corner, he was grateful that they weren’t going to be in the centre of things, A secluded space for two old friends to catch up.  

 

Missy caught his eye and waved him over to the small table. “John oh my god hi, How are you?” she said, standing up to hug him. 

“Not bad, Not bad” he said, sitting down “How's everything with you?”. 

“Yeah alright, still at St Luke’s?”

”Still there” he laughed “What are you drinking?” 

He walked up toward the bar and ordered for Missy and himself, On walking back to the table he noticed a big party right in the middle of the pub, he could guess it was a birthday or something. He paid them proper attention once he said back down and slid Missy’s drink over to her, As he was looking over an extra three people walked in, One of the women caught his eye, She was gorgeous. John thought she looked incredible. 

“John, Hey” Missy said, tapping him on the arm “You okay?” 

“Sorry, I must’ve zoned out”. 

“Wait a minute” Missy spun her head round. she clearly had seen what he was looking at. “Ahh i see, you’re checking out the women”. 

“What no” John said, trying to hold Missy off. 

“Yes you were, let me guess’”. Great just what he needed. ”I bet it’s that brunette in the pink” she said, turning around to face him. “Well was I right?” She asked. 

“Yes Missy you were,” John said, staring at the table. 

“Hey, its ok” Missy said, grabbing his arm “You shouldn’t feel guilty, you’re human”. 

“I know,” He protested. 

“But it doesn’t stop it, does it?” 

“No,” he admitted. 

“Look” Missy said “I won’t be one of the ones who tell you it’s been too long or you should find someone new. But I will tell you that you are Human and you deserve whatever you want”. 

“Thanks Missy,” he said, a small smile escaping his lips. 

“River was amazing, I know that. She wouldn’t have wanted you to beat yourself up”. As much as he didn’t want to believe it Missy was undeniably right. She had known her really well and River was never one for focusing on the past, she was always focused on what was to come. 

 

“You should speak to her,” Missy said, as she caught John stealing another glance. 

“No way, She’s quite young and with friends”

”Suit yourself,” Missy sighed. She got up to get them another round of drinks, leaving John alone at the table once more.

 John decided that he should probably make an effort to see her more. Knowing Missy for years meant that she understood everything, it was effortless  it had easily been about two years. His sister's birthday had probably been the last time they’d met.

”How’s work?” John asked “and anyone special in your life?”

”works pretty good, i've been asked to oversee another big project” she said, Missy worked for a publishing company. 

“Woah, that's great… And?” John asked, hinting at his second question 

“Well… yes ok there is” Missy admitted. “We met at work, her name is Tasha”. John could see Missy’s eyes lighting up as she spoke, he was so happy for her.

”You sound so happy Missy” 

“I am,” she giggled.  The band down the front was playing covers of songs. John could see it had been turned into a makeshift dance floor, he laughed warmly watching people dance to their favourite songs. As the opening notes of another song played. John noticed the woman from earlier being dragged onto the dance floor by the redhead she walked in with earlier, presumably her friend. They spun around laughing and singing. He was sure he could see them wiping away tears. Must mean a lot to them, he thought. He saw that shortly after the song ended she was handed a phone and ran outside, a panicked expression on her face. 

 

“Oh God, she’s gone” Missy said on her return from the toilet. 

“She looked really panicked, ran out on a phone call” 

“Not great then” Missy sighed. John nodded. 

 

 

____________

 

“So how's your parents doing?” John asked, They had been great friends of John's parents and had ended up practically raising him. He had gone back for Christmas every year he was in university. They were in a care home not far from Missy and her sisters now. 

“Yeah they’re good thanks, they quite like where they are and they love seeing the kids”. 

“Oh yeah I forgot, how old are they all now?” he asked 

Missy reeled off her long list of nieces and nephews, She had three sisters and they all had at least four children. “But anyway I'm more than happy to stay the fun aunt,” she laughed. They stayed chatting about family for another hour or so, until John realised the pub had massively cleared out. 

“It’s dead in here now” Missy said. 

“I’m not far from here, we could walk back if you were wanting?”. 

“Sounds great, Lead the way Mr Smith”. They collected their jackets and pushed the chairs in. Making their way toward the Centre doors, The Cold night air hit John the second he walked outside. 

“Jeez it’s cauld” Missy said, wrapping her scarf closer around her shoulders.

 

The walk back to Johns took them Fifteen minutes, the cold slowing them down. He unlocked the door and Stepped inside, Flicking the light on and Holding the door for Missy. He threw his jacket over the grey kitchen stools while shouting to Missy in the living room. “I’ll grab us a drink, put some music on if you want”. He walked back in with two glasses of wine and found Missy flicking her way through his vinyl collection, pausing occasionally to read one a little more. 

“I recognise this one” she said, holding up a battered album. 

“Ah” John said carefully ” That was River’s”. 

“Am i alright to put it on?” Missy asked. 

“Absolutely, it’s one of my favourites” He smiled. Missy flicked the record player open and carefully placed the record on, bringing the needle down and adjusting the volume, she took a.seat on the navy plush armchair across from John on the couch. 

 

The street outside John's window was practically silent, the occasional car would pass or an odd pedestrian but it was a calm and quiet night. The sound of music filled the room and the dim lights had created a warm glow. 

“How many years has it been since we left?” Missy asked. 

“Well we left at eighteen so thirty two?” John suggested. 

“Yeah it must be, because Lizzies forty this year and I remember leaving after her eighth birthday” Missy’s eyes lit up as she spoke about her youngest sister.

”I felt so guilty leaving them all- especially Helen” John said, “I know that your folks looked after her but I really felt I left her all alone”. 

“But look at her now, she’s amazing” Missy said “And anyway you probably didn't want to be there the summer after we left, from what i've heard Helen, Annie and Maggie spent it drinking in alleyways with boys from school”. John's jaw dropped, he had never pegged his sister as one who would have done anything like that. 

“Really?”. 

“I've seen pictures, To be honest it's not much better than what we would do” Missy suggested. 

“Aha” John laughed, Once they finished secondary they spent three-ish weeks non stop partying. There was always something somewhere for them to go to. “Want another?” He asked, taking the glass sitting in front of Missy. 

“Go on then” Missy said “To add to our night of reminiscing”. She looked around taking in the flat of one of her oldest friends, she could tell that many of the design choices were made by River and John had updated them as necessary. She was sure the pillows had been the same exact shade the last time she was here-ten years ago. John rejoined her, handing her another glass of red wine and sat down. “Do you remember the time David Jones broke my nose with a football?”. 

“Oh my god” Missy replied “I do, It was when everyone rushed over and we found you both laughing your asses off. But your face was all bloody and it wouldn’t stop pouring”. 

“Your Mum made me lie on the sofa for days with my head up”. 

“I think I pushed the tv right up so you could watch it”. 

“You did, but the girls were raging at me when they couldn’t see properly”

”Sounds like them,” Missy laughed. 

 

After a moment of silence Missy suddenly said “That train, That we took. I dont think ive ever been so scared”. 

“It was terrifying, Two Scottish kids that hadn’t gone further than Blackpool. Going to London by themselves, but we did it”. 

“Didn’t we have like three suitcases between us?”. 

“Don’t forget the carrier bag of food from your mum”. John said. 

“She stuffed it full, seemed like she thought she could feed us till Christmas,” Missy laughed. 

“Turning up that first day was terrifying” John admitted. 

“Everyone kept asking me if you had a girlfriend,” Missy said. “You were quite popular with the ladies” She winked. 

“I got so annoyed when people thought we were a couple” John laughed “Yes but, i only had eyes for one” he said dramatically.  They carried on for hours. Talking and looking back on memories, Relieving their early lives that felt like so long ago. Missy checked her phone. 

“Woah, that's three o'clock, I better get going," she said. John grabbed her jacket and they walked toward the door. 

“It’s been great to do this,” John said. 

“We're not leaving it as long next time” Missy said “Goodnight John”. 

“Night, Text me when you get home alright”.

 

____________

 

 

John did a quick tidy of his flat, feeling strangely awake at such a late hour. He fixed the pillows and hung up his coat. He decided a shower would make him feel best, Making his way to the bathroom and getting pyjamas laid out, throwing the pillows off his bed and walking toward the shower. As he felt the scalding water hit his body he contemplated his feelings for the woman in the pub. He hadn’t had real feelings for anyone in years, and tonight felt like his fresh start, but how would he do it without having spoken to her or even knowing her name. He decided to put his thoughts to rest for the night and try and sleep before work tomorrow. 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 6

Notes:

Does anyone have any clue what I'm supposed to write in here?

“Hi” Amy shouted as she let herself and Rory into Clara’s flat. 

 

“Auntie Amy!” Ellie yelled as she charged into Amy’s arms. As Ellie dragged the Ponds into the living room to see her toys, Clara ran into the room very flustered. 

“Hi sorry i didn't hear you come in” 

 

“That’s alright, How’s everything?” Rory asked, looking up from his place on the carpet. 

 

“They got her home today and she seems to be doing better,” Clara said. 

 

“That’s great,” Amy beamed. 

 

“Right lunch is in the oven, i'll get the rest sorted” Clara turned on her heel and made her way over to the kitchen. She took out plates and cutlery and started setting cups and a jug of water. She could hear Ellie making Amy and Rory play with her. Her newest obsession was a castle doll house that Clara’s Dad had recently bought her, Clara had something like that years ago, on a smaller scale of Ellies. She remembered the bright walls and the little dolls. She had loved it, and was glad Ellie loved hers as well. 

 

“That smells great” Amy said as she walked into the kitchen. 

“Lasagna, made it this morning,” Clara smiled. 

“Clara Oswald, The girl who melted pot noodle cups. Is cooking edible meals?” Amy said, hands clasped to her chest, with a surprised look. Clara winced at Amy’s comment. 

“I still have the scar on my leg,” she admitted. Amy laughed and paced around the kitchen, circling the table. The oven timer started beeping and Amy turned it off with a quick tap, she reached for the oven gloves and grabbed the tray. 

“Ellie, Rory,” Clara shouted from the fridge. The two ran through Ellie with a doll in her hand. Clara started serving and Ellie jumped into her seat nearly tipping it backwards in the process.

“Careful” Clara warned as she walked behind her. 

 

Clara placed the last plate down as Rory helped Ellie with her juice, steadying the cup before she could knock it over in her excitement.

“This looks amazing, Clara,” Rory said, already twirling his fork.

“It’s hot,” Clara warned, settling into her chair. “And thanks. I figured since you were coming over, I should attempt something more impressive than toast.”

“Well, consider me thoroughly impressed,” Amy grinned, already mid-bite. “Clara Oswald, former destroyer of microwaves, now domestic goddess. What a journey.”

Clara rolled her eyes with a smile. “One edible meal does not make me Nigella.”

Ellie, mouth already covered in sauce, looked up brightly. “Mummy burned the first one.”

“Traitor,” Clara muttered, but fondly. “It was one tray, and it was mostly the top”

“Crispy,” Ellie added helpfully.

Amy laughed and reached for the water jug. “We’ll say it adds texture.”

As they dug into the meal, conversation flowed easily. Ellie chatted between mouthfuls, showing Amy her favourite doll and insisting Rory check that the tiny plastic cat hadn’t gotten stuck behind the castle again. He dutifully got down on hands and knees, only bumping his head once on the corner of the table. Clara leaned back in her seat for a moment, watching the scene. Her flat was small, a bit too warm, and there were stickers peeling off the side of the sofa, but there was laughter and clinking cutlery and the soft sound of Ellie humming between bites.

Amy caught her expression and smiled gently. “You doing okay?”

Clara blinked, then nodded. “Yeah. I think so. Some days are still harder than others. Ellie’s full of energy, and I’m… not always.”

Amy reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “You’re doing brilliantly. She’s happy. She’s got you.”

Clara gave a tight smile. “I’m just trying to keep up with her, really. I swear she has five more hours in the day than I do.”

“She probably does,” Rory said as he rejoined the table. “That one has an unlimited battery.”

“She’s like a wind-up toy that never runs out,” Amy added, grinning at Ellie, who was now trying to feed her doll a piece of lasagna.

“Clara?” Ellie asked, serious all of a sudden.

“Yes, love?”

“Can Auntie Amy and Uncle Rory come every day?”

Clara laughed softly. “I don’t think they’d get much work done if they did.”

“I could live here,” Amy said, nudging Clara. “Free lasagna. And I’d finally get to see the end of that film we started six months ago.”

Rory snorted. “Let’s be honest, Ellie’s not letting anyone finish a film around here.

 

After a fairly successful Lunch and playtime for Ellie, Amy and Rory hustled their way out of Claras front door. 

 

____________

 

”Goodnight” Clara whispered as she stepped out of Ellie’s room. She stepped into the hallway and took a deep exhale. She threw herself on the couch and curled up with the fluffy pink blanket she left on in the winter, flicking through to Channels for what felt like forever, she finally found something halfway decent and got settled down. Hot chocolate in hand and a scalding hot water bottle placed across her stomach Clara felt herself relax for the first time in days. She loved spending her days with Ellie, but at the end of it all her sacred alone hour at the end of the night was what kept her sane and functioning. 

 

Clara was surprised Amy hadn’t brought up the guy from the pub the other night, probably not in front of Ellie she thought. She had been on Clara’s case for months about meeting someone. Clara thought Amy maybe wanted it more than her. 

 

It was nights like these she wondered what could have been, what would’ve happened if Ellie’s father had stayed or sometimes what would happen if she'd never had Ellie at all, That was the one she didn’t like thinking about because as hard as it was she wouldn’t change a tiny thing about her messy chaotic life for the world.

 

____________

 

”Soooo” Amy said as Clara threw herself down next to her on the couch. 

“Oh I knew you’d bring it up” Clara laughed, throwing a pillow at her. 

“Well ok, Bar guy. Rose and I saw him looking at you, we promise and I don't think that was a date”. 

“Really?” Clara asked slightly taken aback, with her hectic week she had hardly paid any attention to what happened Friday night “It looked like a date”. 

“Nooo, I spoke to Jamie about it and he agreed, It looked far too friendly. They were laughing the whole time and there was no awkwardness or contact, Really they looked like friends”. Amy assured Clara. 

“Yes that’s all fine but I had to go, i don’t know his name or have his number or anything” Clara said dramatically. 

“Aha” Amy said, spinning round and pointing at Clara “You admit it, you would want to see him!”. 

“Okay fine Amy you’ve got me, I liked him. i would like to see him again”. Amy had a stupidly smug expression on her face, Clara hated it. It was just salt in the wound to the obvious fact that Amy was practically always right, It was infuriating. Amy had this view on all Clara’s problems that she would never be able to manage on her own. 

 

“What happened after I left?” Clara asked, tapping Amy on the thigh and bringing her out of her Daydream. 

 

“Not much, don't worry. We missed our life of the party though” Amy said elbowing Clara. 

 

“Very funny,” Clara said sarcastically.

 

”We had a few more drinks, i got blackout drunk just the usual” 

“Your alcohol tolerance scares me Amy”. 

“Oh I know,” She said laughing. 

“How long have we got?” Clara asked. 

“Till first period?” Amy asked. 

“Yep”. 

“Fifteen minutes”. 

“Okay thanks,” Clara said. 

”Let’s go for coffee at lunch” Amy said “My treat,” she winked. 

“You’re on Pond” Clara said. They continued chatting and laughing for as long as they could until the bell rang through the building like an unwelcome alarm. 

”Courtney Woods now” Amy grimaced as she stood up. “Wish me luck”. Clara laughed “See you later Ames”. 

____________

The classroom was still. The last of the lunch crowd had drifted out of the corridors, leaving behind the distant murmur of a staffroom kettle boiling and the faint squeak of trainers from the courtyard. Clara sat at her desk, a stack of exercise books opened in front of her and a red pen tapping gently against her lip.

She wasn’t sure what was more exhausting. The actual teaching or deciphering the creative grammar choices of Year Seven. Her gaze flicked to the wall clock. Thirteen minutes until her next class. Enough time to finish a few more papers-maybe.

She leaned back in her chair and reached for the top book in the pile. One of her pupils, a kind but giggly girl named Ava, had written an essay on myths and legends, except somehow the Greek gods were now on Daytime telly and Zeus had been “cancelled.” Clara blinked, read it again, and then couldn’t help but laugh under her breath. “Creative writing, I suppose,” she muttered, scribbling “original voice, great imagination!” in the margin. She was being generous, but she liked to encourage flair.

Her phone buzzed on the desk. A school-wide email — something about rearranging parent-teacher meetings. Clara groaned and flagged it, already knowing the scheduling would be a nightmare. Still, she liked being organised. She reached for her planner and made a neat note in the margin, then underlined it twice.

Her classroom was warm. Soft light filtered through the blinds, and the scent of whiteboard pens and carpet cleaner hung in the air. It wasn’t glamorous, but it was hers.

She took a sip of now-lukewarm tea from the chipped mug by her elbow, eyes briefly scanning the classroom, the displays on the walls, the bookshelf in the back corner where a few spines leaned unevenly. There was a comfort in the small rituals of this space. Paper. Pens. Post-it notes. The feeling of purpose, even on days she was tired.

Clara let herself pause in the calm between bells before Amy would knock and take her a ten minute walk for an overpriced and too strong coffee.

____________

 

“Hello,” Amy said, rapping her knuckles on Clara’s classroom door. 

Clara stood up from the battered desk and grabbed her bag. “God, I need this,” she sighed. 

They made their way out of the classroom and down the hall. Most students were in the cafeteria and it looked deserted, a few lingered at lockers or walked out after speaking to teachers. 

“Did you survive courtney?” Clara asked with a smile. 

“Barely,” Amy said, looking defeated. 

“At least you only teach her twice a week, I have her every single day,” 

“Now that i cannot argue with,” Amy said. 

The street was busy, Many people from nearby offices had come down for lunch, The road was teeming with cars. 

“It’s so nice not to have a massive jacket on” Amy said, running a hand down her pale bare arm. 

“I second that” Clara said, pulling her cardigan around her “It’s not the warmest though”. 

“I’ll take it over rain any day,” 

As they turned the corner Clara set eyes on the cafe, she noticed that it wasn’t as busy as usual. Thursday lunchtime may not be people’s coffee time choice, she thought. 

They stepped inside and that familiar aroma practically stacked Clara in the face, This was her and Amy’s go to. Not usually busy, good coffee, not a far walk. What more could they want?. Amy ordered for them and Clara went and secured a table. 

“My saviour,” Clara laughed as Amy handed her a boiling takeaway cup. 

“You’re welcome milady,” Amy giggled, sitting down opposite Clara on the other armchair. 

“Did you hear? Some of the kids started a rumor that the computing teachers are having an affair” Amy said. 

Clara’s jaw dropped. “No way, When?” 

“I just heard this morning”.

“Tell me everything now,” Clara demanded. As Amy spilled the details and told Clara all sides of the story, she couldn’t stop herself from laughing. Some of the things those kids could come up with were insane. 

As they left the coffee shop, chatting happily and trying to make it back for the next class. they turned the corner and Clara walked right into someone, clearly in a rush.

“Sorry about that” Clara said looking at her cup she had spilt on the ground. Her eyes wandered up and she found herself face to face with him.  

Chapter 7

Notes:

Is it 1am on a momday-yes
Have I slept at all-no
Do I have another chapter-yes and that’s the main thing

Rubbing his eyes and getting out of bed. The morning light hitting him from the uncovered windows in the corner. John started to take in the events of last night, well he tried to before he realised that he had twenty minutes until he had to leave for work. Jumping out of bed and rushing for some clothes, he managed to throw himself together. He sped into the kitchen and chugged a glass of water before running to clean his teeth and grab his bag, which thankfully he had only dumped by the door. He walked out to the car and threw his bag in the front seat, it had gotten battered and bruised from years of doing that- but today was not a day to consider changing his habits. 

 

Walking into the university after what could only be described as a miserable drive, he had been hit with extremely heavy rain. John tried not to get absolutely soaked but he realised that his coat was sitting slung over a kitchen chair, in exactly the same place it had been left last night. John sighed as he made his way towards his office, he wasn’t teaching until this afternoon. But he liked to be in so students could ask questions or just to simply drop by. 

He heard a ping coming from his phone, as he picked it up he saw Bill’s name flash across the screen. 

 

Bill: Date went well :) I'll be in later for your lesson, See ya. 

Firing back a quick response he then turned his attention toward his computer, he started to write out some emails to various other faculty members. After he got bored he started to ponder what to do with his time, he had a while till he needed to teach and Bill was going to be about half an hour. John decided that getting himself and Bill a drink may be wise, He thought that a walk to the nearest coffee shop would do him good. Grabbing his jumper, He walked out of the building sending out silent thanks that the rain had finally stopped. 

 

John found the cafe practically empty, another thing he had to be thankful for. For a terrible start to the morning, his day wasn’t shaping up too bad. 

“One hot chocolate and a black coffee please” he said to the barista, he and Bill did not share the same taste in drinks. Walking to the other side of the counter and waiting, John could barely see a thing, the lights over him were shining down so brightly it felt he may have needed sunglasses. 

 

The Cafe took slightly longer than expected and John tried to pick his pace up a little to be back in time to meet Bill. He walked along the street at a determined pace and as he turned a corner a little too fast. absolutely no time for distractions. Except naturally,  that’s when one found him. Or rather, slammed into him.

Hot coffee splashed upward as his cup jerked in his hand, bumping against someone else’s. There was a collective gasp, then a flurry of apologies.

“Oh god sorry, I wasn’t—”

“I’ve got it, don’t worry”

He looked up, brushing damp drops from his jumper, and froze.

It was her. The woman from the pub.

The woman with the dark hair and the laugh that had caught him mid-sip the other night. The one who’d been at the centre of the massive birthday party and the same one that rushed out with that panicked expression. He’d only seen a little, but her face had stuck. Not just because she was pretty, although she was. But because there had been something about the way she’d looked away when her friends teased her. Something thoughtful in the tilt of her mouth.

And now here she was, standing in front of him, blinking wide brown eyes and holding a soaked coffee cup.

“You’re—” he said before he could stop himself.

Her eyes narrowed just slightly, recognition flickering.

“You were at the pub,” she said, slowly.

He gave a lopsided smile. “And now we’ve graduated to colliding in the street. It’s quite the arc.”

She laughed just once and he found himself straightening a little.

“I didn’t think you’d remember,” she said.

“I noticed you,” he replied simply. “You looked like you wanted to be anywhere but in that conversation.”

“Too many cocktails and not enough patience,” she said, glancing at the dripping cup in her hand.

“Let me replace that,” John said, already nodding toward the café behind them. “It’s the least I can do after causing a caffeine crisis.”

“You mean after we both walked straight into each other?”

”Yes” He sighed “again I’m sorry for not watching where i was going”. 

“Don’t worry about it” she laughed “That would be great but I’m so sorry, my lunch break ends in ten minutes, Although..” 

“Although?” John asked, considering the puzzled expression on her face. 

“It’s ironic we’ve met twice, maybe planning in a coffee after time would do no harm” 

“I Second that, I’m John by the way. John smith” 

“Clara Oswald” she said, extending her hand. John took it in his and shook it. 

Clara passed over her phone, indicating to John to put his number in it. He was sure she might share his feelings?

”You said lunch break, what’s your job?” John asked. 

“I’m a secondary English teacher,” she replied. ”What about you?” 

“I’m a university lecturer, thankfully on whatever subject i feel like” 

“Wow, Fellow teacher. St Luke's, I'm guessing?”

”Spot on” he laughed. 

“Where are you from?” she asked. 

“Glasgow, Moved down for uni” 

“Ahh nice” She glanced down at her watch “sorry i’m nearly out of time, i really must go”. 

“It’s been lovely meeting you Clara, I’ll phone you later and try and sort a plan for a date to make it up”. He watched as Clara turned on her heel and walked away. A crashing wave of realisation hit John, he had said date. He certainly wanted a date but didn't know what she wanted. He shouldn’t have said it like that, he didn’t want to jinx his chances with her. Meeting her again had felt like fate, except now she had a name, Clara. He repeated it over and over in his head until it sounded like gibberish. His walk back to the university felt more positive than his first. His phone sat in his hand and he was considering phoning Clara already, No. he knew he had to wait until later, she was expecting a call in the evening not fifteen seconds after she had walked away. 

Walking into the doors of St Luke’s John walked through the dark hallways to his office, he found Bill lounging in the mustard yellow armchair in the corner, hugging the pillow while gazing out of the window at the dull blue sky. 

”Hi doctor” She turned and smiled as she heard john walking in the room. 

“How was last night?” he asked, handing her the hot chocolate that miraculously didn’t end up on the pavement. 

“Thank you” she said, accepting the cup and taking a sip “it went great, dinner was amazing and it may have ended in a sleepover,” she winked. John laughed and took a seat opposite from her. Sorting his papers and bag for the upcoming class. 

”You look really content” Bill asked “what’s going on?” 

“Oh well I emm might have a date”. Bill clapped her hands together. 

“Yes!, well done” she looked overjoyed. 

“Thanks Bill,” He laughed. Bill slowly rose from the chair and walked toward the door, she paused for a second and then turned toward John. 

“What’s her name?” She asked thoughtfully. 

“Clara,” he sighed. Bill smiled softly before turning and walking out the door. 

____________

 

John finally signaled and pulled out into the slow evening traffic. His thoughts didn’t move with the same rhythm. They stayed stuck on that moment. The startled lilt in her laugh, the way she’d joked first.

It was probably nothing. He wasn’t deluded.

Still…

He’d spent so long keeping his life carefully structured — school, reading, solo meals, slow weekends, lectures, sleep. A rhythm that never quite felt vibrant but never hurt either. A rhythm that kept things manageable. Predictable.

River had been gone for over a decade now. He wasn’t grieving anymore. Not in the way people imagined. Not in the way that flattened you. It was more like a deep hum — always present, never shouting.

But that didn’t mean he’d ever tried to move on. Not really.

He’d dated once or twice after the first few years, sure. Good women. Kind, smart, interesting. But he’d always found a reason to keep it from getting serious. Too busy. Not ready. Not quite the right moment. He’d convinced himself that was enough. Maybe some people only got one great love in a lifetime.

And maybe that was true.

But now. A woman who’d spilled coffee on both of them and made a self-deprecating quip about caffeine being cursed. She’d looked over her shoulder as she left, and he’d looked back.

He shouldn’t have noticed so much. The way her scarf was falling off her shoulder. The delicate silver ring on her middle finger. The slight rasp to her voice, like she taught too many hours a week. The spark in her eyes that made it cl ik ear she didn’t have time for nonsense.

And yet he had.

He rubbed at his face as he pulled into the narrow space in front of his building. The sky was bruising into a deeper grey now, and the drizzle was turning into steady rain. He cut the engine but didn’t move. Just sat there, listening to the ticking of the cooling bonnet.

This was ridiculous.

He was a grown man. He wasn’t about to fall head over heels over a coffee-spilling stranger. That wasn’t how life worked. That was the sort of thing his students romanticised in the creative writing club. Two lives colliding over shared caffeine and fate, but real life wasn’t like that.

Except…

Chapter 8

Notes:

Thought I would put out a chapter to celebrate the end of season two. I actually kinda loved the reality war!

Clara walked back to Coal hill with an unknown spring in her step. She felt light and unusually happy. He had looked good from across the pub but up close, he was something else, his grey curls and handsome face. She knew she would wait around anxiously all day for his call, God she felt almost giddy. 

The last time she had felt like this she had probably been just a teenager. The cold air hit her as she walked through the back door of coal hill. Making her way to the staff room at the quickest speed she could muster. Ignoring her coffee soaked dress and tights rubbing against her legs and making her bag sticky as well as the fact that the wind had ruined her hair making it all flipped over her head to one side.

 She ran in and found Amy sitting alone on the couch, her battered purple bag sitting next to her mindlessly scrolling through her phone. Clara couldn’t wait to tell her, Amy was going to massively freak out. it was her that had convinced Clara he liked her and she was the one who helped Clara rid her guilt of potentially meeting someone. She stood alone in the doorway and took a deep breath in preparation for what she guessed would be multiple minutes of uninterrupted conversation. 

Amy watched Clara run back into the staff room covered in coffee with the stupidest smile on her face.

”What’s up with you?” She asked, moving her bag and motioning for Clara to sit down. “Hellooo..” She snapped her fingers in Clara’s face. Impatiently waiting for her answer. 

“I was walking after you left when I went to the car. And someone comes round the corner, bashing into me and my coffee goes everywhere”. She started. 

“Clara, that's bad. Why are you smiling like that?” Amy asked, concern rising in her voice. 

“Because, you didn't let me finish. It was him. The man from the pub”. 

“NO  WAY” Amy shrieked. Throwing her arms around Clara. “What did he say”

”He apologised profusely, and said he wanted to make it up”. 

“Wait what’s his name?” 

“John Smith, so i guess he wasn’t on a date” Clara concluded. 

“Oh my god” Amy gushed “You really like him”. 

“Maybe I do,” Clara squealed. Nodding her head at an intense speed. 

“Soo, next steps?”

”We exchanged numbers and he said he would call”

”This is incredible Clara, I'm so happy for you!”. 

”Thanks Ames, I’m excited. I haven’t felt like this over a guy for years”.

”You deserve it my friend” Amy gushed “Wait” she stopped herself abruptly. 

“Yesss?” Clara asked, Waiting for Amy’s next overexcited question. 

“Did he see you, the other night I mean?” 

“Well i think so, he did recognise me” Clara breathed. 

“This is Amazing” Amy grinned. “It’s like fate that you met again”.

“That’s what he said,” Clara said. 

“Are you keeping it quiet for now?” Amy asked. 

“Suppose so, But you can tell Rory”. 

“Omg he won’t believe it”. 

“It feels ironic that something like this would come after you convinced me”.

“If you are ready that's the most important thing”

”I suppose I am, because well I said yes,” Clara sighed. Amy watched the content expression on Claras face suddenly darken, anxiety clouding her complexion.

”Clara?” Amy asked, nudging her gently, all teasing gone. 

“I’ve just realised, God I was stupid. Let myself get carried away, I forgot”. She stuttered 

“Forgot what?” Amy asked. 

“Ellie,” Clara said. “What would I do with her- would I have to tell him?. He’s older so maybe he chose not to have kids” Amy could see tears welling in her best friends eyes. 

“Hey, hey” She said, taking Clara’s shaking hands in hers “You shouldn’t dismiss your feelings because of circumstances. Go on the date and see if it works out. You can tell him about Ellie when you’re ready, Not before”. 

“Thanks Amy,” Clara sniffed. 

“I mean it”. 

“But if I went on dates, where would Ellie go? Because My dad would take her but he would question why, i mean you and Rory can only have so many birthdays” Clara laughed, wiping tears from her eyes. 

“If you don't want your dad to know, Rory and I would be more than happy to host our favourite niece”. 

“She’s your only niece,” Clara interjected. 

“Exactly” Amy said, clapping her hand together “She has no competition”. Clara paused for a second before deciding to not argue back to Amy. 

“And anyway” Amy started. “Doesn’t your dad have her till like seven?”. 

“Yeah he’ll pick her up and take her to dancing”. 

“See perfect, if he’s as excited as you, he’ll probably call earlier”. 

“Suppose so,” Clara concluded. 

 

Clara daydreamed through her afternoon classes. Zoning out and making sure to give the kids quiet reading periods. Her classroom was cool, her head felt like it was processing thousands of thoughts at once, each one a new situation or worry she was maybe placing herself in. She knew she was being risky, taking a chance. Opening her life up like this again. But this felt different, She could feel the warmth radiating from him in the brief contact their hands made. She had to play her cards right, Go on the date- if he called. And try to work out his attitude. 

 

She didn't feel like staying after school today, so Clara made her way out of the school's front entrance, along with the students. All excited to have their Monday finally over with. She made a quick dash for the car and took a second to breathe once inside, her brain had felt like it had been on overdrive all day long a break from thinking was absolutely needed. The car had thankfully been cleared out over the weekend and Clara was so glad that she wasn’t drowning under a mountain of clutter while trying to make sense of her day. 

 

Clara kept pinching herself as she drove home, thinking she was fully in a dream. Believing she would wake up any second and this was all a dream, it certainly felt too good to be true. Stuck in her fantasy Clara took the turn to pick Ellie up from nursery. Forgetting she would be back later.

 

“What am I doing?” she muttered as she blinked and turned around the other way. Getting back to the flat and throwing her bag in the kitchen, Clara ran straight for a shower as in her excitement she had completely forgotten that coffee had gone all over her clothes and legs. Amy had helped her pat them dry but Clara still felt oddly.. sticky. She flipped the bathroom light on and winced at how bright it was, practically attacking her eyes. She showered as quickly as possible, scrubbing as much off as possible while trying not to get shampoo in her eyes. Slipping into her favourite silky pink pyjamas and flopping on the couch, grabbing a blanket that was draped across and throwing across her legs-she liked winter sure but the cold that came with it was not enjoyable. Clara flicked through various emails on her phone, Clearing spam and replying to a few work related messages. When checking for a message from her dad, something inside of her compelled her to message Rose, to let her know what had happened. It had been rose who was maybe the most excited. 

 

Clara: Hi, wait till you hear what happened today. 

 

Rose: Spill then. 

 

Clara: I met the guy from the pub again, and he’s going to call… 

 

Rose: EEK thats amazing, I will expect details…

 

Giggling at Roses response. Clara set her phone on the coffee table and decided to make herself some dinner. She was absolutely starving because her lunch was interrupted by a handsome stranger. She chucked pasta in a pot and nearly burned herself while turning the gas on in such a hurry and decided that it would do for now. When Clara ate dinner alone, it was a usual throw whatever together. Tonight was certainly no exception. She was an absolutely terrible chef but she had realised children couldn’t live off of plain pasta and chips. It was safe to say Clara's cooking had maybe taken a slight step up in the past four years. 

 

Clara checked her phone anxiously. She really hoped that if John was going to call, he would do it before seven. Ellie usually got back around then and that was another thing to deal with. Chucking whatever she could find on the pasta Clara settled herself on the couch. Tucking the blanket around her shoulders and flipping through the on demand to have something playing in the background. She settled on a recording she had seen a million times, but something familiar would do her good tonight. The night seemed to get colder as Clara got comfier, she brought her food close and just as she was in the middle of her first mouthful. Her phone rang…

 

”Typical” She laughed, setting down the pasta, pausing the tv and hitting answer, she braced herself for what was about to come.

She heard a familiar voice coming through the other end of the phone “Hi Clara, It’s John. I’m hoping I've caught you at an alright time?”. 

 

“Hi John” She said “Yep, times fine for me”. 

“Great, I’m so glad” he said “So, i was wondering if you would want to meet up at the weekend?”. 

She flipped through her calendar and took a quick glance at the weekend, free thankfully. “Yeah i could do that, what would you want to do?”. 

“I know a great little place thats only about ten minutes away from my flat, it does Greek food if you would be up for that?”. Clara could feel her nervousness radiating through the phone. 

 

”Woah yeah that sounds absolutely amazing, What’s the name and address?” She asked. He gave them to her and she quickly reached for a pen but while surveying the room she found no paper. So Clara rolled her sleeve up and scribbled right on her forearm with black ink. 

 

“How was the rest of your day?” John asked. 

”Passed in a bit of a blur” Clara said “‘I was too concentrated on this to be honest, How was yours?”. 

“I was asked some concerningly stupid question, But other than that it was just fine”. 

“Look John” Clara started, was she seriously doing it. She had no clue what to say or how to say it. “Before we do this I feel like I need to just tell you” She blurted out. She had dug herself a deep hole now, but he would question why she had to plan everything to such an insane degree. She just wasn’t sure what to tell him. Until the idea clicked in her brain. “My family has been facing some health issues, so I may not be the freest for a little while. As I'm trying to help out as much as I can”. 

 

“Thanks for letting me know, That’s no problem. Hope everything works out”. 

“Thanks very much” She breathed a deep sigh of relief. 

“It’s been lovely speaking to you Clara, sorry i must go. I have some essays to mark”. 

“Good luck,” Clara laughed. “I guess I'll see you Sunday”. 

“See you on Sunday”. 

 

Clara's heart felt like it came to a stop the second that John hung the phone up, she spent multiple minutes convincing herself she hadn’t come off too strong and that he was fine with her schedule comment all at the same time of trying to eat her now freezing cold pasta. Her thoughts were interrupted when the front door suddenly swung open. Clara turned around and saw Ellie and Linda walk in the kitchen. 

 

“Hi Mummy” Ellie said, running toward Clara and hugging her. 

“Hi darling, how was dancing?” She asked. 

“I did lots of spins,” Ellie giggled. Clara looked up at Linda. 

“Thanks for taking her and bringing her back”. 

“Anytime, she loves it and it's really quite funny to watch”. Ellie had run off to her room, presumably to play with her new toy of the week. 

____________

After finally getting Ellie into bed and asleep. Clara sighed and made her way into her bedroom, she threw herself on the bed, her woven headboard bashing against the dusky wall. She winced, hoping, praying Ellie hadn’t woken up. Of course she had and walled into Clara's room clutching her bunny talking about a loud noise. Clara had a feeling that this was going to be one of those nights. 

 

Ellie had only finally slept again after around half an hour of constant cuddles. Clara took her phone off the coffee table and quickly called Amy. She was met with constant questioning. 

“Did he call?” Amy practically screamed. 

“Yes he called,” Clara said. 

“Soooo, what’s happening?”

“Lunch on Sunday,” Clara said. 

“When do you need me to pick Ellie up?” Amy asked. 

“You read my mind, one ish I think”. 

“Gotcha” Amy laughed.

Chapter 9

Notes:

Thank you to all those reading and supporting. I think I’ve finally fallen into a posting schedule!

Clara had been deliberating outfits for well over an hour. Her hair was half curled, her makeup barely done and all she had on was a pair of tights and an old threadbare jumper. She had tipped every single item she owned out of her wardrobe and onto the bed. After one million combinations she still didn't have anything remotely wearable. 

“Ughh” She yelled, flopping down on top of the mound of clothes. And picking up an old teal tank top and launching it full speed onto the mirror. 

Clara decided to try and do something else before Amy came. She walked towards the kitchen and made a quick snack, she had an hour and a half until the date. Amy would be here in minutes because knowing Clara she wouldn’t have an outfit or clue what to do with her hair, that was true-she had burned her hand horribly on the curling iron and launched it across the room in the process. “A job for Amy” she thought. 

Ellie came bounding into the living room, bunny in hand and announced. ”I’m going to make Uncle Rory play dolls with me”. Clara grabbed her and pulled her onto her hip. 

“Well sorry darling, but Uncle Rory is working” Clara said. Ellie's face fell.

”Oh” She whispered “I’ll still have Auntie Amy?”. her face lighting up as she spoke

“Yes you will,” Clara laughed. Less than ten seconds later they heard a knock at the door, “I think that’s her” Clara whispered. Ellie wiggled out of Clara’s arms and ran toward the front door. Grabbing the handle and turning it with all her might. Amy acted surprised to see her smallest friend answering the door. Ellie said her hellos and then ran back to her room to continue her new secret project, Clara shuddered to think what glittery concoction was being made behind that door. 

Amy and Clara walked into her bedroom and Amy’s eyes fell on the massive pile of clothes that awaited them. 

”Well I guess it's not going great,” Amy giggled, one hand pressed over her mouth to stifle her laugh. 

“I have nothing that goes, I burned my hand on the curler and my makeup is not going right” Clara cried. Amy was already elbow deep in the pile, digging out various tops and skirts. Chucking the ones she disapproved of on the floor and making a separate pile for the semi decent. 

“How about this?” Amy asked, holding up a pastel purple blouse with a collar and a white skirt. 

“Amy i wore that at your twenty first, i think i would look like a walking marshmallow”. 

“Fair enough” She said, throwing the clothes on the floor and picking out her next combination. ”Now how about this” she suggested. Holding up a red mini skirt and a black blouse that tied at the front. 

“That looks alright,” Clara said, holding out her arm. Amy threw the clothes to her and she quickly slipped them on over her tights from earlier. She turned and looked in the mirror. Her reflection was smiling and the clothes seemed to sit alright. 

”You look really nice,” Amy said, sitting on Clara’s bed, with the discarded curler in hand. 

“Not that torture device” Clara laughed. 

“You sit here and do your makeup. Then I'll do your hair, Deal?” Amy asked, eyebrow raised in Clara’s direction. 

“Deal” Clara said as she settled herself at the vanity and started to pull various products out of her organiser. They worked in a gentle rhythm for a while. Amy curling and pinning. Clara blending and beating. 

“Ladies and gentlemen” Amy said with a grin “The finished product” as she adjusted Clara’s hair in the mirror before forcing her up and making her spin in front of the mirror. 

‘Woah, ' Clara said as she caught her reflection in the mirror. 

“Woah indeed, You look great”. 

“I don't look tired,” Clara laughed. Amy pulled her back on the bed and wrapped her arms around her. Being extremely careful to not flatten Clara’s hair she had spent so long on. Amy turned round and cast a glance to the mound of clothes that they had abandoned while getting ready. 

“Oh I forgot about that,” Clara said. 

“We can get it done quickly,” Amy said. Amy grabbed clothes off the floor, folded them and then handed them to Clara who would then put them away in the wardrobe. After fifteen minutes of folding and organising Clara’s bedroom was surprisingly clear. 

“Where is this date anyway?” Amy asked, siting at the kitchen table with a mug of tea in hand. 

“Near Notting Hill I think” Clara said from her perch next to the sink. 

“God that's ages away” Amy said “How were you going to get there?”. 

“Just take a taxi, I don't know if i'll end up drinking” She shrugged. 

“I was going to take Ellie to the park on our way back, what if we dropped you off?”. Amy suggested. 

“I mean that would work, i just don't want Ellie asking questions,” Clara said, a slight hint of panic rising in her voice. 

“Don’t worry, i'll spin some story” Amy said “As soon as she gets on those swings she won't remember anything”. 

“True,” Clara said. Clara gazed out of the window. It was a pleasant enough day. Not too warm and no sign of rain. This didn't stop a chill running down Clara’s back. Saying she was nervous would be lying, she was absolutely terrified. The thought of her first proper date in years was leaving her close to hyperventilating. 

“You look scared,” Amy observed. 

“I am,” Clara admitted. 

“What’s there to be scared of? You’re hot. You’re great to speak to. And you seemed to have clicked on Monday” Amy said. Clara let out an extremely high pitched laugh at Amy’s comment. 

“What would i do without you Pond”. 

“Now that is a question I don't know the answer to”. 

Clara went back to her room to finish packing her bag, she wasn’t sure what she should bring so she settled for a black leather bag, a slight step up from her old work one. She caught a glance of herself in the mirror and smiled slightly, Yes she was scared but it did feel like she was opening herself up to the world again. rebuilding the life she was too unwell to deal with. she walked back out into the hall and saw Amy standing, coat in hand. 

“Ellie just got her shoes on” she sighed “Took a lot of convincing”. 

“She always does,” Clara laughed. Once Ellie finally returned. The three of them walked out to where Amy’s tiny Mini was parked. Ellie was squeezed into the miniscule back seat while Clara and Amy sat up front. The drive went on for ages. Amy was a terrible driver and Clara was questioning every choice she had made that had made her end up in this car with Amy behind the wheel. 

“Is it around here?” Amy asked, pulling into an unfamiliar street. 

“I mean it's the right address,” Clara said. 

“Is that it there?” Amy asked, pointing to a semi familiar restaurant. 

“Yeah, it must be,” Clara said. ”Well i better go”. 

“Good luck” Amy said “You’ve got this, I'll drop Ellie off later” 

“Thanks Ames, Bye Ellie” She said, reaching into the back and tapping her on the leg. Clara stepped out of the car and crossed the road. She came to the door of the restaurant and she could see John sitting at a relatively private table in the corner. She took a deep breath and stepped through the door, Into the new chapter she was opening. 

 

____________

 

John had spent the entire morning pacing throughout his flat. He had probably looped the whole place at least fifty times. The anxiety about the afternoon was practically eating him alive. He had managed to decide on some clothes. He had been to this restaurant loads of times and knew the regular dress code. 

A Pair of Dark grey trousers and a light shirt had been laid out over his chair. He had about three hours until his date started and he couldn’t help but let his mind wander. Worries of how he could screw this up filled his head, his worst scenario so far was accidentally spilling water all over her. Probably not the worst thing that could happen but it felt strangely realistic and something that he was absolutely capable of doing.

John walked to the bathroom and tried to put his mind at ease by having a shower, he just couldn’t believe the luck he had had. When he saw Clara run out of the pub two weeks ago he never would have thought he would have been so lucky as to run into her again. The whole week had felt like a fever dream, as though reality was going to come knocking any second. 

After overthinking for his entire shower John thought about just not going, he was terrified to mess this up and he was sure he would one way or another. He hadn’t dated in years, he was worried that the world had moved on without him. There had been dud dates that Helen had set up but he hadn’t felt real feelings for a woman for over a decade. All that felt like it had changed, From their few short conversations John had gotten a feel for Claras caring and funny personality. 

John went back to his bedroom to get ready, pulling on his clothes in a hasty fashion. He tried to rake some product through his wild hair, it really didn't help. He sighed and set down the tube. “As good as it gets i think” He shrugged. As he sorted out all his things, he took his phone off of the charger and noticed a missed message from Bill. 

 

Bill: Good luck, You’ve got this. I expect details on Monday!

 

John: Yes boss, Thanks. 

 

John sat in the living room, hands on knees rocking slowly back and forth for ages. It was his only method to calm down. The tv playing nonsense in the background was definitely not helping but John appreciated the gentle noise.

He finally decided to leave after what had felt like hours. He was only about a fifteen minute walk from the restaurant and he wanted to be there a little earlier. He also knew that the place would be practically empty around Sunday lunchtime so they would be able to speak freely and really get to know each other. John took his walk nice and slow, he had to convince himself at every turn not to turn back. it wasn’t that he didn't want to go it was that he was so scared of messing it up, that the fear was literally eating him inside out. 

He knew he wasn’t far from it. The road was starting to look increasingly familiar. It had been Bill who had taken him to this place about two years ago for his birthday. It had been a great day she had messily baked a cake, it had tasted incredible despite its appearance. 

John walked into the restaurant and sat waiting for Clara he was around ten minutes early. He had thought he better be there first if he was asking her to come to an unfamiliar place. He sat and ordered himself and Clara a water, one that he hopefully wouldn’t spill over her.. 

He sat and twiddled with his thumbs, hoping he didn't look like a complete loner, It was getting increasingly closer to two o’clock and his heart rate kept increasing with every single minute that passed. He kept staring at the clock and willing himself to disappear. But he knew if he didn’t do it now he was in for another fifteen years of self isolation and he certainly wasn’t up for that. His eye caught a familiar woman walking across the road. Clara knocked the air clean out of his chest, she had looked gorgeous before sure but now there was some sort of aura about her. She looked absolutely incredible. He watched her come into the restaurant and walk over to the table, from the second she sat down and the first time she opened her mouth John could feel himself calming instantly. 

 

 

 

Chapter 10

Clara stumbled, almost breathlessly into the restaurant. Her anxiety had reached its high and she was fairly certain she had a headache coming. She gazed over to the table John was already sitting at and made her way over. She waved quickly as she sat down. Being this up close felt strange. She still believed she was dreaming somehow. 

 

“Hi, How are you?” John asked as she sat down across from him. 

“I’m good thanks, How was the rest of your week?”. 

“Same old” He laughed. Clara giggled and set her bag down on the floor and stripped her cardi off her now roasting arms. 

“You said something about family health issues” John queried “Hope that’s alright for you now”. 

“Oh, yeah. My gran had a bad fall and was in hospital for a few days, she’s just resting at home now”. 

“You’re from Blackpool right?. I thought I heard the accent. Have you got more family down here?”. 

“Born and bred. My Gran, Dad and stepmum as well as my stepbrother. What about your family?” She asked.

“My sister lives around here, but my Mum passed away when I was thirteen and my Dad six years later”. 

“Oh my” Clara started “I’m so sorry. My mum died when I was sixteen. It’s hard”.

”It is, but life has to go on and we can keep their memories alive”. He said. 

 

They were greeted by a waiter and ordered their food. Clara admitted to not understanding the majority of the menu. So John recommended some dishes he had enjoyed previously. They settled into a warm conversation about work and pastimes. 

“Who was the woman you were with last weekend?” Clara asked. 

“Ahh” John said “That was Missy, we grew up together. Her parents practically raised me and my sister”. 

“That’s really nice” Clara gushed “It was one of my friends birthdays, as you could probably tell”. 

After a few drinks and a lot of food, Clara and John’s conversation fell onto exes. She felt secure enough to open up about both her recent relationships. Maybe missing a tiny detail. 

“I was with Alfie after uni for a bit” She said as John nodded. “And then he turned out to be a prick. Danny was a while after but he really sadly got into a car accident nearly three years ago”. 

“That’s terrible Clara”. he apologised. 

“Anyway enough about me, what about you,”. 

“Well..” he started “I used to be married, i'm not anymore. End of i guess” he laughed. 

Clara immediately felt incredibly awkward and decided to shut herself up and not ask further questions. Hell they both had their secrets. She felt the atmosphere around them feeling warmer as they eased into each other's conversation. She really could feel herself opening up. This felt comfortable and safe. Something she had longed for for years. Their conversation flowed with an incredible ease, Clara was so engrossed in what John had to say she had hardly noticed when John leant across the table and took her hand in his. She couldn’t keep herself from staring into his gorgeous blue grey eyes. It was almost as though she was getting lost in them, drowning maybe. 

 

Her train of thought was interrupted when she saw her phone ping with a message in her lap.

Amy: Little miss skint her knee at the park. Some tears but all better after ice cream. Hope dates going great!

She made a mental note to reply when she excused herself to the bathroom, Although she wasn’t sure that this was a moment she ever wanted to leave. 

Clara swirls her drink, eyeing him over the rim of her glass. “Alright, serious question. What’s your go-to comfort TV show?”

John raises an eyebrow. “What kind of question is that?”

She smirks. “A revealing one.”

He leans back, mock thoughtful. “I suppose it’s Columbo. Or The X-Files, depending on the day.”

Clara laughs. “That tracks.”

“What does that mean?” He tries to look offended, but he’s smiling.

“You just have strong ‘grumpy detective with a tragic backstory’ energy.”

He chuckles. “And you? Let me guess—Friends?”

“Rude. Downton Abbey actually.”

He looks impressed. “Classy.”

“I try.”

“Alright then,” he says. “Music. Favourite album, no judgment.”

Clara thinks, then shrugs. “Rumours, Fleetwood Mac.”

“Safe. Timeless. A little dramatic.”

She gives a pointed look. “Exactly.”

“Mine’s Hunky Dory. Bowie.”

Clara lights up. “See, I knew you were interesting.”

“You mean old,” he teases.

“No, interesting,” she insists. “Quirky. Literary. Bit broody.”

He laughs softly. “You say that like it’s a compliment.”

Clara grins. “It is.

With their plates long gone and their glasses empty. Clara and john started to put on coats and prepare to leave the restaurant. 

“How far are you from here?” he asked, leaning protectively over Clara 

”Twenty minute-half hour walk” she said, completely guesstimating. 

”God that’s far, I can walk you back if you want?”. 

Clara had already turned her back and walked outside “come on then” She shouted over her shoulder with a wink. John followed dutifully and stepped outside seconds after Clara. He could see the smile on her face growing with every conversation they started. He felt himself easing into her and being incredibly open. 

“So how long have you been a professor?” She asked. 

“Oh easily about twenty, but I've been at St Luke’s for eighteen” He replied. ”when did you become a teacher?”. 

“I travelled about for a year after uni so i started at twenty three, nearly six years then”. 

“Ah I see,” he said. 

They walked for another five minutes, The area started to become unfamiliar to John but Clara charged ahead fully confident of where she was going. 

So,” Clara said, nudging his arm with hers, “how do you usually spend your weekends? And be warned, this may or may not be a compatibility test.”

John gave a small laugh, glancing sideways at her. “Knew it. You’ve got that scheming look in your eye.”

“Just answer the question.”

He pretended to think. “Bit of reading. Walking. Avoiding emails. I clean the kitchen every Saturday and then reward myself with something unhealthy, usually chips.”

She grinned. “That actually sounds very respectable.”

“Well, I don’t own a hoverboard or go clubbing, if that’s what you were hoping.”

She laughed. “Definitely not. My ideal weekend involves a lie-in, good coffee, and not being asked to play princesses before 8 a.m.” She realised immediately what she said. She couldn’t believe she had done this. Panic rising in her body. Clara racked her brain for any sort of way to deflect this.

He looked at her, amused. “You’ve just described something oddly specific.”

Clara shrugged. The panic leaving her body. “A friend’s kid. She’s four. Obsessed with glitter. I helped babysit once and had to wear a tiara for three hours. I was… magnificent.”

“I’m sure you were,” John said, smiling. “You’ve got the look of someone who can command a kingdom of teddy bears.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You should.”

They strolled in silence for a beat, the rhythm of their footsteps in sync. A bus hissed to a stop in the distance. A dog barked once and was shushed.

“So,” he said after a moment, “this friend of yours. Do they always rope you into weekend childcare?”

“Not always,” Clara said, her voice light. “But I don’t mind. She’s a good kid. Makes you see the world differently.”

He nodded, letting that sit for a second. “I always figured I’d be hopeless with children,” he admitted. “But then one of my students once told me I reminded them of a cartoon meerkat, so apparently I’m not intimidating.”

Clara laughed and shook her head. “I love that.”

“Well, I aim to please.”

“You’re doing alright so far.”

He smiled at her then, and there was a flicker in his expression—surprise, maybe, at how easy this was. At how she’d looked at him when she said that.

She glanced down at her feet. “This was nice,” she said softly. “I haven’t done this in a while.”

He nodded. “Me neither.”

They turned their last corner and came to a halt. Clara gestured to the block of Victorian flats behind them. 

“I’ve really enjoyed this, But this is me here”. 

“This has been great Clara, i'll give you a call later and we can sort maybe dinner?” He asked. 

“Sounds amazing,” She said. As she turned to walk towards her flat she felt John's arm brush her back. She gave a small wave and ran toward her front door. 

                             

Chapter 11

Clara opened the door to her flat and stepped inside, It had a quiet atmosphere. She could feel the most stupid grin on her face. She felt like she was floating. Her first date in years and it had gone amazingly, Well apart from the fact that she nearly dropped a massive bomb, but that was potentially for another time. She threw her bag on the couch after pulling her phone out to reply to Amy’s message. 

Clara: Sorry, Just home now. The date went great. See you soon. Thanks for fixing Ellie’s knee. 

She flicked the lights on and stepped into her bedroom, Deciding to put on something Comfier. She was so grateful to Amy for sorting that pile of clothes with her because while feeling like this there was no way Clara was folding clothes. She chose a white t-shirt and some old navy joggers, slipping them on and throwing her blouse and skirt into the washing basket. 

In the kitchen she decided that some water would probably be the best thing for her. That was until she spilled it all over the floor, cleaning it up and muttering to herself “Trust me to” She sat down on the couch and checked Amy’s location to see where her and Ellie were. Wondering how much more alone time she had Clara saw that they were on their way so she quickly looked out Ellies pyjamas because no doubt Amy had tired her out. It would be a bath and then bed. 

The door handle twitched and Amy and an extremely tired Ellie walked in. Clara got up from her place on the couch and moved to greet them. 

“Hi” Amy giggled as she caught sight of Clara’s overjoyed expression. 

“Hey Ames,” She replied. Clara bent down and scooped Ellie up into her arms, she leaned in close and started to close her eyes. 

“Yeah sorry about that” Amy added “We spent a while at the park and then it was cuddles and playing when we got home”. 

“No bother, Is Rory working or do you want to stick around, for details” Clara winked, Catching Amy's eye over Ellies shoulder. 

“I am free as a bird, Rory’s on late shift”. 

“Come on little miss, let's get you a bath” Clara said, tapping Ellie gently.

Amy watched as Clara carried Ellie who was practically asleep toward the bathroom. She couldn’t help but feel a change of energy in her best friend. Her normal apprehensive and anxious self had seemed to have vanished. She seemed confident and ready to take on what life threw at her. Sure Amy had never met this guy but she was sure he was doing Clara some sort of good. 

Clara leaned over and tucked Ellie into bed, It was earlier than usual but she seemed exhausted. So Clara reckoned an extra couple of hours wouldn't do any harm. 

“Did you have fun today?” Clara asked earnestly as she placed a tender kiss onto Ellie’s forehead. 

“Yes” She said barely above a whisper “I hurt my knee”. 

“Auntie Amy told me, But she said you were very brave”. 

“I was?” Ellie’s face lit up. 

“Of course, You always are”. Clara said “goodnight”

”Goodnight Mummy”. 

Clara tiptoed out of the room and shut the door as gently as possible. She could see that Amy had cracked into the wine she had in the fridge for them. She sat down and Amy handed her a glass, nearly fill to the brim about to overflow. 

“Jeez, I could drown in that Ames,” She laughed. 

“That’s what makes it perfect,” Amy said. The night had settled gently around them and the sun was going down at a steady rate. Amy had switched the side light on and closed over the curtains. 

“Soo” Amy asked “Tell me everything, How was it?. What did you talk about?. Was he romantic?”

”Okay well, when I got there he was already there and we chatted about Family and work. You know your tame stuff”. She inhaled and then said. ”We had a couple more drinks and then moved onto music and books, that kinda stuff. And then we, i'm not sure how but we talked about exes". 

“Omg, what did you say?” Amy asked, eyes wide. 

“I said, Alfie was a prick and that Danny had passed away. I mean it is truthful but I just missed a detail”. 

“Okay and then what did he say”. 

“You know apologies for Danny and stuff, But then. He said”.

Amy gasped “What did he say?”. 

‘Well you gotta give me time to tell you. Basically he said that he used to be married”. 

“woah, do you think divorce?”.

”I would think so. He didn't really bring it up after that”. 

“So what do you think?”. 

“I mean it's understandable, He is older and you know i've got my secrets too” She laughed. 

“So long as you're happy” Amy said, Grabbing Clara’s hand in hers. 

“Oh and get this” Clara said “when we left we started talking about free time and stuff. And I may have accidentally let Ellie slip”. 

Amy gasped “Huh, how?”. 

“I said I liked a lie in, Coffee and not being asked to play princesses before eight in the morning”. 

“Did you tell him or?”. 

“I said it was a friend's kid, but then he spoke really nicely of kids and his students. So I don't know”. 

“You’ve got this, Just follow your heart”. 

Clara smiled before getting up to refill their wine. Not filling it as full as Amy had. She sat back down and turned her attention back to Amy. 

‘Thank you so much for taking Ellie today” She said, looking Amy directly in the eye. 

“It’s no problem Clara, It’s fun and you deserve this”. 

“Thanks Ames. I just can’t get over the feeling that i'm just pawning her off so I can go out”. 

“Well i know that your dad loves having her and Grandparents looking after grandkids a couple nights a week is more than normal” She added “And Rory and I love having her around. We didn't look after her alone until she was two. That’s how dedicated you are to her. And if opening your life up to new possibilities means that she has an occasional sleepover is fine, because you are still a person that deserves a life”. 

Clara almost felt taken aback she really didn't know what to say. Amy had always been supportive but this was a whole new level. She decided words weren't the right option so she shuffled over to Amy and gently rested her head on her shoulder. Clara’s attention was stolen by a small voice calling her name from down the hall. She stood up from the couch and walked over to Ellie’s bedroom, opening the door with a gentle shove and kneeling down next to Ellie. 

“Shhh, it's alright” She said gently stroking her daughter's hair out of her face. 

“I had a bad dream,” Ellie whispered. 

“I’ve got you, I'm here now. You don’t need to be scared”. 

“Can I have a cuddle mummy?”. Clara leaned closer into Ellie and wrapped her arms around her. 

“I’m not going anywhere, you just go back to sleep”. She sat there for around twenty minutes, lightly stroking her hands and listening to Ellie’s gentle breathing. When Clara was sure she had definitely gone back to sleep. She quietly got up and walked out of the door, being careful not to slam it. 

“Sorry about that” She said as she sat back down next to Amy “Bad dream”. 

Amy smiled “Everything you’re doing tonight is proving my point, Your whole world revolves around her Clara. She got lucky with you”. 

“Thanks,” She said. 

“Oh and this” Amy said as she handed Clara over her phone “You’ve got a message from John” She giggled. Clara practically snatched the phone out of Amy’s hand and turned it on immediately. 

John: I really enjoyed that. I was wondering if you might be free next Saturday, say around six?

Clara: Same, Yeah I think I'm free. What are you thinking?

John replied within seconds. 

John: There’s an art exhibition at a museum I thought looked quite interesting. 

Clara: Say no more, I’m in!

”Sooo?” Amy asked the second Clara turned her phone off “What’s the plan?” 

“He’s taking me to an art show,” Clara said, a massive smile returning to her face. 

“Ohh, Now that's fancy” Amy giggled. “When?”

“On Saturday, at six”. 

Before Clara could finish her sentence Amy whipped her phone calendar out. “Yep, we're free. I can pick Ellie up?”. 

“Lifesaver” Clara chuckled “I couldn’t imagine what would happen without you and Rory”. 

“Well you‘ll never have to Oswald”. 

Amy and Clara sat for a few more hours just chatting and debriefing over their week. Their favourite was being able to speak about students that they both had in their classes. 

“Honestly” Clara said “How they can turn out amazing reports for you but I can’t get them to answer questions”. 

“Maybe I just have a” Amy said, flicking her hair “Certain charm”. 

“Ohh Charm alright” Clara said, elbowing Amy. 

After many drinks and some more music. Amy got a call from Rory that he was on his way home and could pick her up. She gathered her things and gave Clara a hug at the door. 

“See you Monday” She waved as she disappeared down the stairs. Clara waved before closing the door and deciding to go to bed herself. Washing her makeup off and finding a random pair of pyjamas. She turned the lights off in the living room and went to check on Ellie. She saw her fast asleep clutching her bunny and looking very peaceful. As Clara got into bed she realised just how tired she felt. That's what she got for going all day without a break, She had to learn to manage her tiredness better. The day had been full of excitement and she had been nonstop. Finally letting the tiredness wash over her as she closed her eyes and tried to sleep. 

____________

When Clara woke up to her alarm on Monday morning she felt like she hadn’t slept at all. Last night was still a blur in her mind. Events crashing back into her brain like waves. Glancing at the clock she saw that she was awake early and actually had loads more time than usual. Taking her time to get ready and packed. Clara was making breakfast already by the time Ellie wandered into the kitchen rubbing her eyes and holding her bunny. Clara moved to the fridge and grabbed the milk. Pouring Ellie’s cereal and handing it to her carefully. 

“Thank you Mummy” Ellie beamed. 

“Just don’t spill it ok” Clara warned. She sat and ate her own breakfast relishing in the time she had available. The morning had gone slow and she had really enjoyed that. By the time they had finished eating Clara was normally only out of the shower. 

“What one?” Clara asked, Holding up two hair bows for Ellie to decide between. 

“That one” She said, pointing to the sky blue one in Clara’s left hand. 

“Good choice” She said as she spun Ellie round and clipped the bow into her hair. 

Clara walked out the flat ten minutes before she usually did, feeling put together and like she had absolutely nothing left to do. Dropping Ellie off at nursery with her bag and a carrier bag full of kitchen roll tubes for a craft activity. She made her way to work and the road felt practically empty. Her main shock of the morning was that she was sitting in the Coal Hill staff room before Amy. Her car wasn’t in the carpark and there was no sign of her. Clara revealed in her little victory, she couldn’t wait to see the look on Amy’s face. As Amy walked into the staff room ten minutes later her jaw dropped and the look of shock on her face was priceless. 

“Huh” She gasped “you're here so early”. 

“This morning just went right i guess” Clara laughed. 

“I bet it's your date,” Amy said as she threw herself down next to Clara. 

“I guess so” She laughed. 

 

Chapter 12

Clara closed the front door behind her. She had just waved Ellie and Rory off. Ellie had gone oblivious to what was going on, she had just thought Amy and Rory wanted her to sleep over. Clara knew it was something she would have to approach with her but now was not the time. She had around two hours to get ready before she was heading over to John's flat for them to leave from there. She was glad she was going there and he wasn’t coming to her. He would definitely question the child sized shoes sitting near the front door. Or the fact that the grey rug in the living room was littered with toys. 

Showering and washing her hair, Clara took her time. Appreciating not being rushed up by having to leave or find a Barbie shoe. The calm only lasted five minutes until she got shampoo in her eye and it started stinging. Cursing and falling into the shower walls Clara hoped this wouldn’t set the tone for the entire evening. 

Once in a dressing gown and hair semi dry. Clara started laying out her options for tonight. From the advertisement online she had thankfully seen a dress code tab. She was under the impression that this was a seriously fancy event. Laying out every black tie or cocktail dress she owned, which wasn’t a lot. She hadn’t been to fancy events in years. She considered her options. One dress was a deep red with a small slit up the thigh. Another was emerald green with a drop back. Her final option was black with a halter neck. 

Holding each one up to the light and putting it up against herself in the mirror. Clara decided that the emerald green would probably look best. Tossing the others back in the wardrobe and hanging her choice over the door. Clara sat down and started attacking her hair with the hairdryer. Feeling like she burned her scalp many times, she gave up when her arm started aching terribly. Clara decided that an updo would suit her best tonight. Teasing and pinning strands of hair on top of her head was not gong well. 

“Stupid thing” She said as another curl escaped the loose bun at the back of her head. Curling the front pieces, Clara gazed in the mirror at her reflection. 

“Good enough,” she shrugged. Thankfully her makeup went considerably smoother than her hair. Slipping into the dress after taking it down from the door, with difficulty. Clara had fifteen minutes till she had to leave. Checking herself constantly in the mirror, making sure she looked fancy enough. She had no clue what she was in for tonight. She knew art but the other details were a blur to her. Clara went to leave the flat before realising she had slung her bag over the sofa. Running back in as fast as her stilettos would allow to grab it and then make a bolt for the door.  

The night was cool but not too cold. Draping her shawl over her shoulders Clara shivered slightly, More out of being nervous than cold. Her whole journey was plagued by intrusive thought. They were ranging from what if she let Ellie slip to what if she fell into one of the very expensive paintings and ruined it. And tonight she would definitely rather deal with the latter option. 

Arriving at John’s surprisingly on time. Clara took the deepest breath she could muster and knocked on the front door, quickly enough so she had no time to change her mind. After what felt like an eternity the door finally sprung open and Clara was greeted by a very familiar face. 

“Clara” John said “Hi, come in” he stepped to the side to allow Clara to enter. Her eyes fell on the spacious living room that she walked into. 

“Wow, This is really nice,” she said, gazing around the room.
“Thank you. We have a bit of time before we have to leave. Would you like a drink?”

”I’d love one thanks” she said. Clara took a seat on one of the plush grey couches, and started to fully take in the room around her. She could see lots of interesting prints and the pillows were exceptionally comfy, Feeling herself sink lower and lower into the couch she sat bolt upright when John walked back in the room, two glasses in hand. 

“You look lovely,” He said, handing her a glass. Clara took a sip before replying. 

“Thanks, I genuinely haven’t been to anything fancy in years. This was a matter of the back of the cupboard”. 

John let out a small laugh before saying “Seriously, you look extremely beautiful”. Clara could feel the blush rising in her cheeks. She took another sip of wine just to stop herself giggling. 

Once she had finally controlled herself. Clara worked up the courage to ask. “How was your week?”. 

“Honestly not bad thanks, what about yours?”. 

“I’m guessing your students are much calmer than mine, because i'm coming home absolutely shattered and not wanting to speak to another person” She laughed. Not mentioning the fact that she literally had to. 

“That good eh?” He asked, a smile creeping over his face. 

“It’s the fact that they are dead silent when i ask a question but won't shut up while working, I'm probably too soft on them”. 

“Well adults are going to pale in comparison to teenagers”.

”I’m sure you just have yours under control”. 

“I'm terrified of the thought that they may be scared of me,” He admitted. 

“It’s probably just mutual respect, They’re lucky to have you as a teacher” She said with a kind glance. 

“We’ll probably need to head soon” John said “I called a taxi, i hope that's alright?”. 

“Of course” Clara said laughing “I am not walking significant distances with these on” she pointed to the silver four inch stilettos on her feet. They gathered their things and went to the front door. John indicated for Clara to go first she stepped out into the now considerably colder night air. 

Their cab ride was short but sweet. Clara fell into a fit of giggles at a terrible joke that John told. She hadn’t laughed that hard and sincerely in a while. She was glad she had gotten to eight o’clock and her tiredness hadn’t caught up to her. She guessed it was due to sleeping in a little this morning. They arrived outside the museum and Clara could see it teeming with people. John stepped out first and offered his hand to assist her in getting out. Walking up the marble steps she was trying so hard not to trip and fall, The dress and the heels had been a good idea at the time. But a marble floor meant a constant trip hazard.She silently hoped the rest of the flooring was not like this. She would spend the whole night on the floor if so. 

John rested his hand on the small of her back as they manoeuvred through the museum to get to the art exhibit. They finally stumbled across a massive function hall filled top to bottom with paintings and name plaques. 

“I think this is it” He whispered in Claras ear as they made their way over to the first full wall. “I had no clue it would be so busy, sorry, I thought it would be slightly more intimate.” The words sent shivers down Claras spine. This was a kind of date she would have dreamt about five years ago. She was overjoyed to be here. She gazed in awe at the paintings adorning the walls. Some were completely modern and others were so intricate it made her eyes hurt. One specifically caught her eye. It was what she presumed was a Victorian painting of a mother and daughter. Laughing and playing in a park. It brought a slight tear to her eye, reaching up to wipe it away hopefully before John could notice. Clara hadn’t realised just how observant he was because of course he did. 

“Hey, are you alright?” He said, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close. 

‘I’m good, 'she sniffled. “That one there just made me a little emotional” She pointed upwards toward the painting. John gazed upward and then turned his head back down and pulled her even closer. Clara guessed he thought it reminded her of her own mum, which it did in a way. But it reminded her of a little someone else, a hell of a lot more. 

They kept constantly moving around the massive room to take in more paintings. John would occasionally ask what Clara thought of one and she would come up with some sort of reply that made her sound semi knowledgeable. In actuality she knew absolutely nothing about art but she had appreciated that he had wanted her to come and see it with him. Like it was something worth sharing.  

“Thank you so much for inviting me,” She whispered. 

“It’s been an absolute pleasure. My work gifted me the tickets and i knew just the woman to bring” He smiled. 

“Well it’s definitely the best second date I’ve ever had that's for sure”. 

“I'm glad to hear that, Maybe i'll keep my streak up with the third”. Clara smiled at his comment. She liked this flirtatious side she kept getting introduced to tonight. Clara went to take a step to go and see the net set of paintings when suddenly she felt incredibly dizzy and nearly lost her balance. 

“Woah” John said, catching her before she ended up on the floor “You Ok?”. 

“Yep” She said, pulling her shawl closer around her shoulders “I forgot to mention, I’ve been badly Anemic for about four years, the symptoms are quite on and off and sometimes the day just catches up to me”. 

The worry on John’s face significantly increased “Do we need to go?. Do you have medicine or anything?”. 

“I’ll be fine, I have iron tablets occasionally. I probably just need to sit down for five, Is that alright?”. 

“Of course, Let's go find somewhere” He extended an arm for Clara to lean on, which she accepted gladly. They found that an exhibit room had been converted into a makeshift bar with tables and chairs. They walked over to one and John pulled a chair out for Clara. She stumbled into the seat and placed her bag upon the table. 

‘Sorry about that” She said “I really never have a clue when it's going to play up”. 

“Don’t apologise” he said, reaching over and holding one of Clara’s hands. “So long as you're feeling ok”. 

“I should be now, thanks” She smiled regardless of the thumping pain in her head. 

“Do you want something to drink?” John asked, gesturing to the bar behind them. 

‘Sure, I'll just have Diet Coke or something, "she said. 

“Coming right up boss” he said before turning and walking away. Clara smiled to herself while sitting alone at the table. Regardless of the fact she had almost fallen over more times than she could count and cried at a painting she was really enjoying herself and the night seemed to be going great. She felt all awkwardness from the other week had practically vanished, especially in a setting like this as everyone is so wrapped up in what they can see they really did need to keep conversation going. And it seemed to be flowing easily. John returned two minutes later with their drinks and slid Clara’s toward her, She grabbed it and took a grateful sip. The pain in her head easing gently. 

“Sorry again for dragging you away” She said when her head felt a little clearer. 

“It’s no bother” He said reassuringly “Are you feeling any better?”. 

“Well the headache is pretty much constant but it’s slightly better, and the dizziness is gone thankfully”. 

“Did you say that the headache can be constant?”. 

“Yeah” She sighed “Im also migraine prone so the two together is just a shitty concoction”. 

“Does not sound fun,” John said. 

"It's not, But i've adapted and learned how to manage it”. After they had nearly finished their drinks John piped up again. 

“We spoke about where i was from last time, What was it like for you growing up?”. 

“Well” Clara said “We didn’t live far from the beach so we spent almost every weekend there. My Gran would take me for ice cream every single day after school in the summer. It was our little secret but my Mum could definitely tell because it would end up dripping all down my uniform”. 

“When did you move down here?”. 

“My dad’s job changed when I was fourteen. The three of us moved down and my Gran did when she couldn’t live on her own anymore. I hated it when we first left but once I got to school that made it better”. 

“How come?” John asked thoughtfully. 

“It was how I met Amy” John looked confused. Clara quickly added “She’s my best friend. The first day they gave me a girl in the year above who would show me where everything was and would look out for me. One conversation and it was like we’d been friends forever. She was my rock when i first got sick, she did everything for me” Clara did leave out the part that Amy had been caring for a tiny human as well. 

“That’s so nice” John said. 

“You’d like her actually” Clara said “She’s Scottish as well. From Inverness”. 

“No way,” John said. Clara nodded. 

After Clara felt well enough to be on her feet again. They went back through to look at the final few paintings that they missed. John had thankfully organised another taxi to pick them up at ten. 

“Okay but I have got to get this one” Clara said when he told her. 

“Absolutely not Miss Oswald” He teased.

They rode back to Clara’s flat. Once they stopped and Clara went to get out she realised John was coming after her. 

“I just thought id say goodnight” he said. 

“Well, Goodnight then. I've had a great time tonight’. Clara wasn’t sure what was happening to her body next but the one thing she was sure of was that John was definitely kissing her. She leant in and kissed him back. 

“Goodnight” He said, easing away from Clara and leaving her blushing. 

 

Notes:

I wrote this chapter while wearing a massive queen of hearts dress to help a friend out. and I genuinely wish I was joking.

Chapter 13

John pulled up outside his sister's house fifteen minutes later than he was supposed to. Better late than never he thought. He stepped out of the car and walked towards the front door. He knew that his sister had some sort of scheming plan as she usually was not so tolerant to not seeing him for ages. Though she had insisted he come round on Sunday afternoon. He knew he would be hit with billions of questions, Most of them trying to set him up with someone. At least that was a topic he now had something to share about for the first time in years. 

“John, hi” Helen said as she opened the door and pulled him into a tight hug.

”Hi, how are you all?” He asked, stepping over the door frame and into the hallway. 

“Good yeah” She smiled. “Mark had an emergency meeting so its just me and James you have for company today”. 

”I guess that’ll do” He laughed. 

As Helen led him through into the kitchen he could smell something cooking in the oven and it smelt fabulous. He was barely in the room for three seconds before a boiling hot mug of tea was thrust into his hands. 

“Thanks,” He said.

”Soo?” Helen asked “Life, how is it for you?”. 

“Going alright thanks, what have you been up to?”. 

“James has started rugby again. That’s where he is now, he'll be back in half an hour. Work is actually not too bad”. 

“That’s great,” He said. Helen was an occupational therapist and James broke his leg a year ago, causing him to stop all sport entirely. He liked being back around his family. It brought back that familiar warmth he had been chasing for so long. 

Helen had turned to silence the oven. John watched as she brought out the nicest looking tray of muffins he had ever seen. 

“Lemon and poppy seed” She said as she caught him staring at them. 

”How you have time to bake i don't know”. 

“I like being busy” She smiled “Also a fifteen year old does not beg you to play with him anymore”. 

“True”. 

They sat chatting at the kitchen table. John was very happy when he was handed One of the absolutely roasting muffins straight off the tray. 

“My main question now” Helen said “Any romances going on for you?. I know I always ask and you always say no but”. 

John interrupted quickly he couldn’t wait to see the shock on her face “Yes”. 

Her face lit up “Seriously?”. 

“Absolutely” he smiled. 

“Oh my. This is incredible, You have got to fill me in, come on details”.

”if you insist,” John said. He noticed Helen nodding rapidly waiting for him to start his story. He tried to pour out any possible details he could remember. He spoke about everything from the night in the pub with Missy to their second date last night. 

“Ahh, Oh my god” Helen smiled “You sound so happy”. 

“I’m having a great time”. John said, Certain thoughts now coming back to his mind. 

“What’s up?” Helen asked, taking in his quizzical expression. 

“Well” He said “Last night when we were out we had been looking around for an hour or two and she nearly collapsed on me. We had a drink and she explained that she has Iron deficiency and fatigue as well as migraines. I just got really worried for a minute”. 

“That’s good that you care about Clara,” She said. 

“Also she's been incredibly open and I do feel like I know her well but there’s certain things she says or topics I'll bring up and she seems to panic almost”. 

“Like what?” Helen asked. 

“She looked almost scared when telling me about a friend's child once. Just other things along those lines’. 

“Maybe it's a touchy subject for her. I'm sure you’ll get to know eachother even better”. 

“I guess so, Thanks”. He said. Their conversation was interrupted when the front door swung open and James charged into the kitchen.

”Hi love” Helen shouted as he walked in holding multiple bags and pairs of shoes. 

“Hi mum” He turned “Uncle John, Hi”. 

“Hi James” He waved. 

“Ohh muffins,” James said, reaching for the plate sitting on the table. 

“Nope” Helen said, batting his hand away “Go upstairs and shower. You’re covered in grass”. 

“Okay” He mumbled as he started walking up the stairs. Dropping the bags in the hall right on Helen’s plush grey carpet. 

“That boy” She muttered as she picked the bags up and moved them to sit at the back door. 

While his family was fussing around John took this quiet minute to check his phone for any messages. His heart skipped a beat when he saw a recent message from Clara. 

Clara: Believe it or not I've just woken up. Last night was great. Thanks again xx

John: Glad to hear it. I enjoyed myself as well. Hope you’re feeling better. 

He was rejoined minutes later by Helen again. She had finished loading all of James’ rugby clothes into her washing machine. 

“I am glad he’s doing it again but I really didn't miss the washing” She laughed. Grabbing another mug out of the cupboard. 

“As long as he enjoys it”. John said, sipping at his lukewarm tea. 

Moments later James walked down the stairs in fresh joggers and T-shirt with soaking wet hair. “Now can I have a muffin?” He asked dryly. 

“Yes,” Helen said, pushing the plate towards him. He grabbed one off the plate before sitting down to the left of his uncle. 

“How’s school?” John asked, turning toward him. 

“It’s alright actually. Exams are over so it’s calmer now”. 

“That’s good to hear”. 

Sitting with his sister and nephew John realised he had seriously shut himself off. Helen used to have to beg him to come over for years. He appreciated the fact that he still had family to go to about issues and Helen had always been deeply invested in his dating life. One that was nonexistent for eighteen years. 

____________

John got home many hours later. As Helen seemed to have a constant stream of cups of tea and questions to ask. It had been verging on dark outside when he finally got into his car. Driving home in complete silence felt necessary after constant noise. 

When John got home he thought about texting Clara and asking if she wanted to come over. He hesitated and ultimately decided not to because she really didn't seem like a spontaneous person at all. He had a quick dinner with whatever was in the cupboards as he had forgotten to go to the shop before he went out last night. Sitting in the living room with the tv playing recent new softly in the background. John was contemplating when he should give Clara another call or if he should ask if she was wanting to come over sometime. He had kissed her last night and he knew she was probably thinking the same too. 

He just couldn’t shake the feeling that there was probably something more to her. She had been so honest but he knew deep down there was another something or layer to her that he didn't know. But for now he would continue to enjoy himself and let her open up when she was ready. 

 

Chapter 14

“Hi Auntie Amy!” Ellie yelled the moment Clara opened the door. Before Clara could even unclip her from the car seat, Ellie was halfway up the front steps, backpack bouncing behind her like she was late for something very important.

Amy laughed and opened the door just in time to catch a flying hug.

“You’re squishing me!” Ellie giggled into Amy’s shoulder.

“You’re getting so big!” Amy said, pulling her in. “How are you?”

“I brought five grapes and my sparkly unicorn. Not for you. Just so you know,” Ellie replied, incredibly serious.

Clara, slightly breathless, finally caught up. “Sorry she had opinions about which socks were acceptable today.”

“She’s four,” Amy said with a shrug. “Socks are basically politics.”

Ellie had already barreled into the living room and begun unpacking her bag like she was moving in. “Where’s Rory? I need to show him my ballerina jump.”

“He’s out,” Amy called, “but he’ll be home soon.”

Clara tried not to faceplant as Ellie ducked under her legs and promptly threw herself on the couch. Giggling maniacally she covered herself in Amy’s throw pillows. 

“Hi” Amy said, pulling Clara in for a hug and grabbing the bags out of her hands. 

“Hello to you too” She said, surveying the room. "So Where's Rory? She asked, realising his absence from the living room. 

“Golfing” Amy said, rolling her eyes “With my Dad”. 

Clara giggled at the thought of Rory being dragged around a golf course probably bored out of his mind. Agreeing with every piece of information that came out of Amy’s fathers mouth. 

“Alright” Amy said, clapping her hands together and moving into the living room. “where is my niece”. Her comment was met with a small giggle from under the pillows. Amy threw them to the side and made it her mission to tickle Ellie until she was writhing. She giggled while flailing her limbs in all directions, arms and legs narrowly missing Amy’s face but getting tanged in her fiery red hair. Clara laughed along while leaning in the doorway. Willing the horrible pain in her head to ease a little. She had been out with John again yesterday and had barely been able to concentrate on a thing he said. The pain had almost clouded her vision and created a constant ringing in her ears. She walked over to the couch and sat down. Thankfully the pillows had been replaced after Amy and Ellie’s tickle fight. Ellie was now sitting, grinning like an angel on the edge of the armchair. 

“i won Mummy,” She said. 

“Well done darling” Clara laughed. 

‘My hair definitely didn’t” Amy said, running it through her fingers and trying to comb out all the tangles. 

“Clara, what do you want to drink?” Amy yelled from the kitchen. 

“Diet Coke please Ames” she shouted back. 

Ellie joined in too “Milk please Auntie Amy” She yelled. Clara could hear Amy descend into fits of giggles as she retrieved the drinks out of the fridge and brought them back through to the living room. 

“Ellie, did you have a good sleepover last night?” Amy asked as she handed over her milk. 

“I didn't have a sleepover, I wanted to go home”. She said. Amy shot Clara a confused look. 

“i got a phone call at ten o’clock saying someone” Clara said looking at Ellie “Was refusing to sleep and wanted her own bed”. 

“Ahh” Amy said, trying to send thoughts telepathically to Clara. She could see the Look in Amy’s eyes. And answered it with a mouthed “tell you later”. 

“Mummy” Ellie quipped “Can we go to the park again?”. 

‘Again?” Clara said “We were there for hours this morning”. 

“I want to go back” She moaned.

”How about this” Amy suggested “Uncle Rory will be home soon, how about he takes you when he’s in?”. She turned around and winked at Clara. Ellie started nodding vigorously and the biggest smile crept over her face. 

Ellie jumped off the couch and ran over to the corner of Amy’s living room. Getting her little hands on the box Amy kept sitting at the far wall filled with toys, games and dressing up clothes for Ellie. She used all her might to drag it over onto the rug and plopped it right in front of the couch that Clara and Amy were sitting on. 

“Right,” she said, rummaging through the box. Pulling out loads of toys before dumping them on either side of herself and turning her attention back to the wicker box. 

“Whatcha looking for Ellie?” Clara asked, leaning forward before Ellie chucked a toy at Amy’s wall. 

“Hats” she mumbled, attention firmly on digging in the box. After pulling out what seemed like every toy in London Ellie’s face lit up. She held up her hands to show off the pirate hat, princess tiara and bunny headband that had been buried at the bottom. “Look I found them” she smiled triumphantly. 

“Yes you did” Clara laughed “But you’ve made a mess of Auntie Amy’s living room, Can you put the toys back In the box?” Ellie looked down at the pile around her before exhaling slowly and picking up the toys at the top of the pile to her right. 

“Better than last time” Clara whispered to Amy. As they looked at Ellie chucking toys haphazardly in their container. 

“How?” She asked.

“Before I went out last night I asked her to tidy up the mess she made on her bedroom floor, and by tidy I basically meant to push it to the corner. She shouted no and then started crying, Took me fifteen minutes to calm her down. I was late ." 

Amy gave a knowing nod before turning her attention back to her now clean living room floor. 

“Well done Ellie” she clapped. 

“Thank you” Ellie smiled. “I want to play now” 

“And play you will” Amy laughed as she gestured her hand as though she was holding a magic wand. Ellie looked carefully at the hats in her hand. “I’m the bunny, Auntie Amy you are the pirate” she said handing Amy the far too small pirate hat. 

“And Mummy’s the princess” She said as she turned to Clara. 

“Thank you darling” Clara said, accepting the tiara. 

Ellie pulled a sword out of the basket and wielded it in her hand. “I’m a pirate bunny,” she laughed. Taking a mock swing at Amy who batted it away with her hand. Ellie spun around with her sword before knocking it right into one of Amy’s house plants. The pot thankfully didn’t break as it tipped but most of the dirt tipped out onto the floor. “Sorry” Ellie whispered, turning around, hands behind her back. 

“It’s ok,” Amy assured her. Taking her hand and looking her in the eyes “it was an accident don’t worry”. Clara had gone to the kitchen to get Amy’s dustpan and brush. 

“I feel empty,” Ellie said dramatically, as she flopped down onto Clara’s lap nearly spilling her tea in the process. 

“What’s up Ellie?” Amy asked earnestly. 

“I’m empty,” she sighed. 

“She’s basically hungry,” Clara said. 

“Ah I see” Amy said “well I can fix that”. She held out a hand for Ellie to take and the two of them left Clara and went to the kitchen. She got up and followed them, hoping Ellie’s particular food rules would not apply to food served by Amy. They didn’t normally. 

“So” Amy said, holding snacks up for Ellie “Animal biscuits or Mini cookies”. 

Ellie smiled from her place sitting on Amy’s countertop “Animal biscuits” she said pointing to the packet Amy held in her left hand. Feet kicking and that cheeky smile had returned to her face. 

“As you wish madam” Amy said, leaning down to the cupboard under the hob and pulling out a green bowl from the little plastic stash she kept for Ellie. She poured the packet in before Ellie shouted “No!”. 

“What’s up Ellie?” Amy asked. 

“I don’t like green” she said, lip quivering and tears welling in her eyes. Clara walked over and embraced Ellie. 

“Sorry” she said, turning her head to Amy “Forgot to warn you, She will not eat off anything green now”. 

“No bother” Amy said “How about a purple bowl Ellie?”. Ellie nodded as hard as she could from being nuzzled close to Clara. 

They sat back on the couch, Ellie refused to stop cuddling Clara. Every time she shifted to move her leg or grab a drink. Ellie got startled and held on harder. 

“It’s ok,” she whispered. 

“Ellie” Amy said “do you want a film on?”. Ellie nodded and a small smile crept across her face. “What one?” Amy asked. Ellie turned her head away from Clara and shifted over toward Amy “Stitch” she announced. 

“You got it” Amy said, pointing the remote at the tv and maniacally pressing buttons. “Clara, do you know how to work this?” She asked “I’m hopeless, usually Rory sorts it”. 

“Yes” Clara said “give it here” she extended her hand and managed to work Amy’s tv. Ellie calmed down the second the film started. She ate her snack happily while sitting in the middle of the couch. 

Around halfway through Ellie’s film, which surprisingly had kept her attention the whole time. Rory walked in the door armed with a golf trolley, wearing a baseball cap and looking absolutely miserable. Clara whipped her head round. 

“Hi Rory”. She smiled. 

“Hi guys” He said, dumping everything by the front door before sitting down next to Ellie. 

“Uncle Rory” she gasped, throwing her arms around him. 

“Hi El, what’ve you been up to?”. 

“We played, I hit a plant and then we watched Stitch” She said, gesturing to the tv. 

“Sounds cool,” he said. 

Leaving Ellie to keep watching Rory turned to Clara “So any scandalous updates”. She leant over and shoved him “Rory, Oh my god really?”. Rory laughed and Amy giggled along as well. They sat in a comfortable silence to let Ellie finish her film. She seemed absolutely engrossed and that was not a kind of focus she displayed often. They let her be until the end credits rolled. 

“Uncle Rory, Will you please take me to the park?” Ellie asked, smiling and crossing her fingers. 

“Sure if that’s ok” he said looking at Clara. 

“Yeah of course” she nodded. 

“Let’s get going,” Rory said. Ellie ran off the couch and bolted for her shoes, putting them on the wrong feet out of excitement. They waved and then practically disappeared as Ellie was now getting restless and couldn’t wait to go. 

“Now” Amy said, the minute the door slammed shut “details now please”. 

Clara laughed “they’ve been gone about ten seconds Amy”. 

“Ten seconds too long. Spill” she said. 

“Last night was great, we went for a couple drinks and then took a walk and ended up in a record shop. We browsed and chatted until my dad phoned saying Ellie was unsettled". 

“How did you handle that?” Amy asked. 

“Said my Dad needed help, I had to be really vague while speaking to him”.

“I could imagine. Did John understand?”. 

“He was so understanding, I think he thought that it was my Gran again”. 

“Do you have a makeup date?”. 

“He texted once I was home and suggested dinner on Friday night,” Clara said. 

“And you said?”

“I said yes of course, thankfully my Dad had already asked Ellie to stay over that night because he’s looking after a friend's dog”.

“That’s good,” Amy said, reaching over and brushing Clara’s hair out of her face. 

“Last night had me thinking” Clara started. “I had to pretty much lie on the spot because Ellie needed me. I felt horrible after”.

“You don’t need to feel bad, she’s only four”.

“It ate me alive that I was lying about something so big. So”

“So?” Amy asked. 

“I think” Clara said “It’s time John knew about her. He’s becoming an increasingly larger part of my life. And Ellie is pretty much my whole life”.

“I’m proud of you” Amy said “if this is the next step for you, I will only encourage it”. 

“Thanks Ames” Clara smiled weakly. Anxiety rose in her chest. The panic this situation was bringing her was intense. But she knew she had to do it. Her life felt like it was moving at a rapid pace, the people she loved had to be aware of each other.

“You know” Amy said, nudging Clara in the side “I would never have guessed when we met fifteen years ago. That this would be us today”. 

“Fourteen year old Clara and fifteen year old Amy would not have seen any of this coming” Clara laughed.

“I still don’t think we’ve been proper adults for that long” Amy said “Just about four years”. 

“True, another human to look after does make you grow up a lot”. Clara said “well technically you had two”. 

“I loved spending time with you both. Even if you were unwell. You were still you”.

“Those first months felt hellish, I could never have thanked you and Rory enough”. 

“You know you don’t have to, we’re family right. And that’s what we do”. 

 

Chapter 15

Clara hadn’t thought straight all day. Sitting at her desk in front of a class of quietly working pupils. She tried to control her breathing and not let her racing heart take control of her. Her eyes fixed on the clock, watching the seconds tick by and counting down the minutes until tonight. She had exactly one hundred and forty three. Her upcoming date was playing constantly with her emotions. She was grateful that on one hand she had a chance to see him yet again and she couldn’t believe her luck in meeting someone like him. On the other hand she knew that she had to tell him about Ellie tonight. They had had two months of dates and she had left it longer than she would have liked. making a mental promise that she would savour every moment of tonight until she told him because the horrible feeling in her stomach told her this would be the last she saw of John. 

Clara was snapped out of her terrible day dream by a boy sitting at the far corner asking “Miss, Can i have some help please”. She got up and walked toward him. Grateful for the distraction and the time it would waste. Clara would pick Ellie up as soon as school ended. She was desperate to spend some uninterrupted time with her. Ellie’s Friday and Saturday nights were usually not spent with Clara and she could feel the guilt eating her alive. Regardless of how tonight went Clara knew her life would only still keep its one central focus. The little girl with the bunny and princess crown. 

The last few periods had passed in a blur. Various lessons and questions later Clara said a quick goodbye to Amy, who wished her good luck and made her promise to update her later. The roads were surprisingly clear for a Friday afternoon. 

Clara buckled Ellie into her car seat and then got into the front seat. turning the car on and reversing out of the nursery car park she questioned Ellie about her day. 

“How was your day Darling?” She asked, looking at Ellie in the rear view mirror. 

“Umm… I had pasta but it was the wrong shape, and then I painted a tiger but it looked like a potato, and then Lucy said my socks were on backwards but they weren’t, and then OH! I found a worm outside. He was wiggly. His name is Rory.”

”I’m sure Uncle Rory would be thrilled to hear that,” Clara laughed. Her feelings eased a little on the drive back to their flat. The conversation with Ellie had taken her mind on the upcoming evening. They stumbled through the front door. Clara seemed to have an endless amount of bags in her hand. Throwing them all on the kitchen table before scooping Ellie up into a hug. 

“I love you” She said as Ellie giggled and hugged her back. 

“Come play Mummy” Ellie shouted, sitting on her bedroom rug with dolls littered over her little wooden bed. A string of fairy lights hanging from the canopy. Clara settled cross legged on the floor and enjoyed that little hour of bliss until her Dad came for Ellie. giving her a goodnight and good morning kiss, Clara handed over her bag and the second the door shut she ran to her bedroom. Showering in record time and pulling out a blue sweater and black skirt. She wrestled a second pair of tights on, after ripping the first ones. Clara was cutting it fine but she had really enjoyed the time playing with Ellie and it had felt necessary before tonight. She had hoped this would be the last weekend of sleepovers, because she always felt strangely empty coming home to a quiet flat and not being able to hug her baby girl. 

They met at a restaurant much closer to Clara this time. Not one she had been to many times but she was familiar enough with how to get there. Taking it in her stride, her bag slung over her shoulder and heels clicking on the pavement. She was surprised to see she had arrived at the same time as John. She sent out a silent thanks, she hated that awkward waiting game if she had gotten there first. 

She walked toward John and was surprised when he pulled her in and gave her a kiss on the cheek. The butterflies in Clara’s stomach increased, her panic felt at an all time high. She had been fine in the planning of tonight but now that it was actually here all of her confidence had almost magically disappeared. 

“You look gorgeous” he whispered as they walked into the practically empty restaurant. Thankfully they were guided to a table in the corner and Clara’s only view for tonight was him. 

“I feel like it's been ages” She said once they had placed their order and had settled into regular conversation. 

“I know” John nodded “How was your week?”. 

“Tiring” Clara laughed “Work wasn’t too bad so I can’t complain”. 

“Glad to hear,” John smiled. 

They were already halfway through dinner and neither had looked at the time once. That was probably a good sign.

“I think the worst job I ever had,” Clara said, swirling the last bit of her wine, “was a shop on Oxford Street during Christmas. Someone actually threw a scarf at me because we were out of a particular perfume.”

John winced. “Retail during December? You’re brave. I lasted three months at a call centre once, working nights. People are somehow even more hostile over the phone than in person. One man threatened to report me to the Queen.”

She laughed. “The actual Queen?”

“Oh yes. Apparently she was going to be very disappointed in me for charging him a cancellation fee.”

“Did you ever hear back from Buckingham Palace?”

“Not yet. But I live in hope.” He raised his glass and she clinked hers against it, still grinning.

They were relaxed now, conversation unfolding like it had been waiting weeks for a chance. Clara pushed the small plate between them, offering him the last of the shared dessert. some rich, chocolatey thing she’d barely touched in favour of laughing too hard at his stories.

“Are you not going to eat it?” he asked.

She shrugged. “I had cake for breakfast. I’m trying to at least pretend I’ve got boundaries.”

“Cake for breakfast is a strong choice,” he said, clearly impressed.

“I don’t do it often, but it happens. Especially if there’s buttercream involved. Or if I’m exhausted. Or if it’s just there, really.”

“I respect that. I think we’d get along in the kitchen. I have very firm anti-soup beliefs.”

Clara raised an eyebrow. “Soup?”

“Soup. Scam food. It’s just hot drinkable sadness in a bowl. No one ever finishes soup and feels proud of themselves.”

“Soup is cozy and soulful and deserves respect. You can’t compare it to cake.”

“I’m just saying,” he replied, mock serious, “you can’t trust a meal that requires its own spoon and emotional support bread.”

She giggled and covered her mouth. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I’ve been told that before. Often.”

They sat in the quiet pause that came after shared laughter, when the space between two people feels charged — not with tension, but with a kind of growing curiosity. John looked at her like he was cataloguing something he hadn’t expected to find: the soft, clever way she smiled. How easy it was to talk to her.

“What were you like at uni?” she asked after a moment.

John shrugged, pushing his glass slightly off-center. “I didn't quite know what I was doing. I made a few friends eventually but I think I came across a bit… broody. Or intense.”

“Were you intense?”

He tilted his head. “Probably. But in my defence, I was working a lot and lived with Missy, who would be a zombie all day but decided three in the morning was the perfect time to bake cookies. You try sleeping four hours a night because of fear she would burn the place down.”

“Sounds like a nightmare.”

“It was oddly motivating.”

She smiled. “I was probably the opposite. Highlighters, planners, caffeine. I used to make timetables for my flatmates.”

He grinned. “You would’ve scared me. In a good way.”

“Good way?”

“Yeah. The kind of scary that makes you want to be a better student just to keep up.”

She ducked her head at that, slightly flustered. He was… kind. Witty without being cruel. And he actually listened. She wasn’t used to it. Not lately, anyway.

Clara checked her watch, she had guessed this would be their last drink before they left. She knew she had to do it. But something inside of her said no, the night had been amazing, the conversation had become ten times easier than it was previously and she was about to swoop in and drop a massive bomb, probably ruining everything they’d built over the past two months. 

The restaurant was quiet now, the late rush having faded into low music and the occasional clink of cutlery.

John’s fingers curled around the stem of his glass, twisting it slightly as he watched Clara across the table.

She hadn’t touched her wine.

Her hands fidgeted with the napkin in her lap, eyes darting from him to the floor. John had clearly noticed her shift in personality. “Are you alright?” He asked concerned 

“I haven’t been…” she started, voice catching, “entirely honest with you.”

John tilted his head slightly, feeling a twinge of dread in his chest.

He opened his mouth to answer. to brace himself but then something in her face, the sudden wash of fear and shame, made him lift a hand instead.

“Me too,” he said quietly.

Clara froze, startled.

He leaned forward, voice soft but steady.

“My wife,” he said, and even after so many years, the word felt unfamiliar. Heavy. “River.”

There was a pause.

“She died. Eighteen years ago. Sepsis, after a surgery that was supposed to be simple.”

He watched her flinch, her mouth opening. probably to apologize. but he shook his head.

“It’s…it’s a long time ago,” he said.

“But it doesn’t really feel that way sometimes.”

The silence between them stretched, tender and frayed.

Clara blinked rapidly, clearly fighting tears.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

John gave a small, sad smile.

“It’s not something you need to be sorry for,” he said. “But I thought you should know. Before anything else happens between us. But sorry, you were speaking.”

Clara swallowed hard.

Her chest ached.

“I-” she started, then choked, the words knotted in her throat.

She squeezed her hands together under the table. She could see him looking at her from across the table. His face filled more with worry and concern. She felt absolutely terrible. 

“I have a child,” she blurted out finally, almost violently into the space between them.

John stiffened.

His expression a thousand things at once. registered the words faster than he could hide.

Shock.

Surprise.

Something else she couldn’t quite name.

When he didn’t speak immediately, didn’t smile like she’d foolishly hoped, Clara’s stomach twisted.

“I’m sorry,” she gasped, voice thick, standing so fast her chair scraped loudly against the floor.

“Clara-” John tried, reaching for her.

But she was already moving, grabbing her coat blindly, almost knocking into a waiter.

“I’m sorry,” she said again, breathless, broken — before she fled through the door, leaving cold night air and half-finished wine in her wake.

For a long, stunned moment, John just sat there. The door swung closed behind her with a soft jingle. The empty chair across from him looked almost accusatory.

His hand, still half-raised from when he’d tried to reach her, dropped slowly back to the table.

A child.

She had a child.

It shouldn’t have shaken him as much as it did.

God he knew it wasn’t her fault. She wasn’t wrong to keep it close, to protect it — to protect them.

But still - something in his chest felt cracked and raw.

Not because of her.

Because of himself.

Because he’d built up this small, foolish hope that maybe-maybe after all this time he could have something uncomplicated.

Something easy. And Clara Oswald, with her bright smile and fierce heart, was not uncomplicated.

John scrubbed a hand over his face, exhaling sharply. The waiter hovered awkwardly near the bar, clearly wondering if he should bring the check. John waved him off without thinking.

He stood up slowly, feeling heavier than he had in years. Outside, the night had turned colder.

He pulled his jacket tighter around him and stared down the street.

No sign of her.

He hesitated. Just for a second. Then he started walking.

He didn’t know where she’d gone, but he knew one thing for certain: He wasn’t going to let her run away without knowing that he still wanted to be there.

Even if it scared him. Even if it hurts. Especially because it hurt. He remembered that she had mentioned that she lived about five minutes away. John’s memory could barely muster up the image of the flats he walked her to a few weeks ago, the sign was hazy in his head but the general area seemed to be familiar. After five minutes of walking in what seemed like circles John thought he’d finally reached it. The flat seemed to be the same one she had disappeared into that night. 

Before he could talk himself down he knocked on the door, gently but firmly. Waiting patiently for an answer. He didn’t expect one. After what felt like an eternity of standing at Clara’s door, a million thoughts racing through his head. he heard a small shuffle and then the or clicked open. John found himself face to face again with Clara. She had clearly been crying, Her eyes looked bloodshot and the jumper she had on earlier was stained with mascara at the sleeves. Her head bowed the second she saw him, John could see more tears running down her face. 

“Clara.” He said. She stepped back as if to motion him to come inside. John took his first look at Clara’s flat. He could see a small child’s bag lying beside the door and toys lying on the living room floor. Clara walked silently to the living room and John followed her. ”Clara.” He said again, as gently as she could muster. She didn’t lift her head. Didn’t move. Once they were in the living room Clara took a seat on the couch and John settled next to her. He came closer, enough that he could hear the soft, uneven sound of her breathing.

“I’m sorry,” she said, voice thin and cracked. “I should’ve told you sooner. I should’ve-”

“You don’t have to apologize,” he said, kneeling down in front of her so they were eye-level.

Clara finally looked up.

Her cheeks were wet with tears, her eyes wide and wrecked.

“I have a daughter,” she whispered, as if saying it again might somehow change the world around her.

John only nodded, staying still, letting her set the pace.

“Her name’s Ellie,” Clara said, a little stronger now. “Ellie Oswald.”

She clutched at the sleeve of her jumper.

“I was twenty-five,” she said. “It wasn’t planned. It wasn’t…easy.” She paused for a minute, gasping for air between sobs. Her throat bobbed. “I'm sorry” She breathed “It’s just hard to explain”. 

John took her hands in his and looked into her eyes “You can tell me as much or as little as you want, I’m here to listen”. 

“Her father. Alfie, who I told you about. We were together for a while, but…he left. Said he wasn’t ready to be a parent and honestly neither was I. I tried not to hold it against him. But then I realised that I wouldn’t have coped with staying with him. It felt like he held all the power over me. I was detached and didn't feel like myself."

She laughed, a soft, broken sound.

“Turns out, I didn’t get a choice about being ready. I just…became her mum, because someone had to.”

She stared at him for a long moment, stunned by the simple, steady warmth he radiated.

“I thought if you knew,” she said thickly, “you’d see me differently. You’d think I was too much. Too complicated.”

John squeezed her hand gently. As he eased off the floor and sat back next to her. She felt less rigid, like she had eased up into him. John wrapped his arms around her and she shifted slightly into him. 

“I don’t think that,” he said quietly. “Not for a second.”

Clara hiccuped a breath, half laugh, half sob.

“She’s everything to me,” she whispered. “I just needed you to know that. Before…before any of this could go further.”

John smiled then, small and sad and utterly sincere.

“Thank you,” he said, meaning it more than she could ever know. He bowed his head and pressed a light kiss to the top of her head 

He squeezed her hand again, a silent promise.

Whatever came next, whatever mess or beauty or difficulty he wasn’t going to run.

Not from her.

Not from Ellie.

Not from the life she carried with her

Notes:

Thank you to all those who stuck around till this chapter! There’s more to come I promise!

Chapter 16

Clara felt a massive weight lift off her chest on Friday night. the second she said goodnight to John and found herself alone in her flat once more the tears came again. This time out of sheer exhaustion and the release of keeping a massive thing built up inside her for three months. Peeling off the clothes that felt stuck to her, she decided that she would sleep now and worry later. She knew Amy would be angling for answers but that was a morning job. Fishing out her softest pyjamas that she’d had since she was about eighteen and throwing herself on the bed, the light being promptly switched off. Sleep came easily, Thankfully. The day's events had overwhelmed Clara more than she could handle. 

Clara blinked her eyes open in the morning feeling like she had been hit full force with a truck. Everything was hazy in her brain. Forcing herself to leave the makeshift duvet fort she seemed to have fashioned, Clara nearly walked straight into Ellie’s room. A horrible wave of realisation hitting her when she saw the room

tidy and the bed empty. When she sat down in the living room Clara found her phone abandoned when she went to bed last night. As she turned it on she could see message after message. A few from her dad just saying Ellie was having a great time and the rest as expected were from Amy.

Amy: Hey, How did it go? Let me know. xx

Clara: Just awake, I’ll phone you later. I need to wrap my head around it. xx

When she finally cleared the last of Amy’s messages Clara’s eyes fell on one text that had gotten buried at the bottom of the pile. A text from John, sent twenty minutes after he left last night. Clara’s heart started to race as she clicked on it, the worst scenarios possible running round her head. 

John: Hi. Wasn’t sure how much you would remember. You seemed almost in shock. Text me whenever. Hope you feel better xx

The weight lifted. She knew it would be hard, but this one part of her life seemed to be moving closer to coexisting with another. With Ellie not being dropped off until two Clara had a day to kill and she was definitely not spending it rotting indoors. Jumping in the shower quickly then sitting and having a complete breakfast for the first time in ages. Clara had completely forgotten that warm breakfast that wasn’t porridge for ages. She sat peacefully in complete silence. Soaking in the minutes of the day she had found herself spending alone. 

After getting dressed in the warmest clothes she could as the temperature had dropped significantly as soon as they got into November. She shuddered at the thought of the cold December would bring when it eventually rolled in. The rain outside had slowed down significantly and Clara thought she would waste no time in her day. Stepping bravely outside into the freezing cold Clara wrapped her scarf tighter around herself. She found her car in the exact same spot she had left it. Last night had fried her brain so much she expected to find it sitting halfway across the street. The car came to life and Clara was grateful for the hot air that started blowing once she turned on the engine. Her destination that she had decided upon earlier was an old bookshop she had been to a few times but she had never had long enough to look properly. She remembered vaguely going when Ellie was about a year old and her falling asleep nestled into Clara’s jumper. Driving over felt relatively peaceful. Having Ellie in the car was fun most of the time as she never really stopped talking. But sometimes when CLara found herself alone driving occupied by only her thoughts she ended up feeling grounded and the slightest little bit more confident. Absentmindedly drumming at her steering wheel Clara pulled into the right street. Parking and getting out of her warm sanctuary, the bitter cold hitting her in the face. The bookshop looked relatively empty as Clara walked in. She seemed to be maybe the only person inside. She liked that. 

Dodging piles of books sitting on the floor. She moved toward the floor to ceiling shelves that adorned every wall in the place. Browsing for herself and for Ellie she skimmed through titles and touched the odd spine. By the time she had spent twenty minutes her arms were close to full, Clara silently cursed herself as she realised she had left all her bags in the car, all she had grabbed had been her phone and purse. The bell at the door of the shop made a gentle ring. Clara didn't look round, continuing to browse the shelves to see if her arms would end up any fuller. 

Once she had made her final choices she finally whipped her head up, neck aching. She turned around and saw a very familiar face next to her. Not sure if he had noticed her, she bit the bullet and said “Hi”. He turned around to meet her eyes and said “Clara, Hi”. His face lit up. 

“Look John” She said “I'm really sorry about last night, I mean it” Clara could feel heat rushing to her face and her eyes started to prickle with tears. He moved and put an arm around her, “You have nothing to apologise for” he said, gently wiping her tear stained cheek. Once Clara had calmed down they made their way out of the shop. Clara paid for her books and John for his. He laughed at her full arms and the fact she could hardly see him over the stack. “Hey, I’m five foot one. I can’t see over a lot of things”. He laughed at her comment. 

“Let me” He offered, opening his arms for Clara to pass the books over. Just as they started to approach Clara’s car the rain came down, the heaviest it had been in weeks. Clara giggled as she pulled her scarf round her head. She unlocked the car and John loaded the books into the backseat. He was now absolutely soaked. “Oh my god” She laughed under her makeshift hood “You’re soaking, Do you need a lift?”. 

“That would be great thanks” John replied trying to dry his hands off “Oh shit”. 

“What?” Clara asked. 

“The carpets were being cleaned, so I went a walk because I couldn’t really get in the house”. 

“Ahh, You can always come back to my flat for a little”. 

“You sure?” John asked. 

“Yep, I've got a free afternoon until about two ish”

”Sounds great then, I'll be honest I didn't end up seeing much last night”. 

“I woke up like I couldn’t remember a thing”. 

”We spoke a lot. Then you stopped getting upset. It was about midnight when I left”. 

“Thank you for staying,” Clara said. 

“It was no problem, I couldn't leave you”. 9

They arrived at Clara’s flat after the rain had significantly slowed them down. Clara turned her key in the door with a satisfying click. They walked inside. John with the two full bags in his hands. “Where should I put these?” He asked. 

“Kitchen table would be great thanks” Clara said as she unwrapped her scarf from her head, putting it over a coatrack in the hall “It’ll dry” She laughed. 

“So how long have you been living here?” John asked. 

“Six years,” Clara said. My Gran bought it and lived here for a while, But when she went into a home she said it was mine. I never would have been able to get somewhere like this”.

”It’s really nice,” John said, taking a closer look around the flat. This time in daylight. He saw the dusky pink living room walls with the crown molding at the top and the kitchen in the left corner, decorated with more plants than John could count. Clara had flopped on the sofa and motioned for John to sit next to her “I will offer you a drink in a minute I promise” She said "I'm not that bad a hostess, I just need a minute”. 

“I get you,” John said. As he went to sit down he could see Clara’s phone flash from the kitchen table. He desperately wanted to be able to talk with her but he knew that she would need to know if anything was up with Ellie. “Clara, your phone's ringing” He said, passing it over to her. She mouthed a thank you at him as she held her phone to her ear. “Hi Dad, Is everything ok?”. She said John could hear a voice faintly on the other side of the phone. “Yeah that's fine” Clara said “Six is good”. She hung the phone up and turned back to John. “Sorry, My Dad is now keeping Ellie until six because she requested dinner”. 

”No bother” John said “As one as you're all sorted”. 

“We are now. I always hate spending time away from her. But then again i think my Dad sees me at that age and especially my mum in her”. 

“That’s really nice” John said as Clara shifted her body over next to him and he wrapped an arm around her shoulder. 

Clara had switched the tv on, for background noise. As her and John sat and chatted quietly in a gentle peace that had enveloped the night. “So” She said “What do you miss the most about Scotland?”. 

“Oh that's easy,”John said. “Square sausage”. 

“What?” Clara laughed. 

“I knew you didn't have it but have you ever heard of square sausage?” John looked astonished. 

“Nope, never” she said. 

“I genuinely think about it every day, It’s the best thing ever”. 

“I will take your word for it,” Clara said. 

“What do you miss?” John asked. 

“I go up quite often so I still see everyone. I certainly do not miss the thought of losing Ellie in Coral island, genuinely she had just learnt to run and I carried her the whole time". 

They laughed and reminisced memories of their respective homes. John spoke of his sister and other family members. Clara shared some of her favourite memories with her mum. Her eyes fell on the folder sitting under the tv “Oh, I forgot about that” She said untangling herself from John and the blanket sitting over her knees. 

“What is it?” John asked, peering at the folder in her hands. 

“I was sorting all my photos yesterday and made a most important folder” She said sitting back down. 

“Ah cool, Can I see?”.

’Of course” Clara said as she undid the zip and flicked to the first page "Chronological order” She said pointing to the photo on the front page. It was Clara in a red duffel coat standing in a garden. The note below read “Clara’s fourth birthday”. Clara flipped through the album and narrated all the photos to John. “OH my god” She laughed as she turned the page “That was my second year of Uni”. She showed him everything from photos of her Mum to her dad and stepmums wedding. She found photos of her and Rose on her first day at Coal Hill. She found the part of the album that held Amy and Rory’s wedding pictures Amy and Rory, frozen mid-laugh outside a little church. Amy’s red hair was curled and pinned, her dress simple but luminous in the autumn light. Rory’s tie was askew in the next frame, Amy’s bouquet in his teeth. A whole sequence of that day, that blur of happiness.

Clara’s fingers slowed on one page. “I was pregnant with Ellie, here,” she said, softly, almost like she hadn’t meant to say it aloud. “No one knew. Well Amy clocked I was sober and then they found out that night .”

John didn’t speak just shifted slightly to look more closely. There she was: Clara in a navy blue dress, hand half-curled over her middle in one shot, smiling at Amy across the table. There was something in her eyes. Not quite fear. Not quite joy either. Just something suspended between the two.

She turned the page.“That’s Ellie,” she said, her voice warming. “Brand new.”

A series of photos. A tiny bundle wrapped in pink. Clara’s hands cradling the back of her head. Amy again, gently bottle-feeding, her nose almost touching Ellie’s. Rory held her awkwardly, half-afraid she might break.

Then a newer photo, tucked between the pages. It wasn’t even mounted properly just slid into the album like an afterthought. ”That’s her now,” Clara said, pointing to the photo of Ellie in a pink smock dress with a White cardigan and white lace up shoes. Her hair plaited down her head “Amy’s thirtieth. Two months ago. Rory and I organised this massive party with everyone she knew. It was great”. 

“Sounds it” John said pressing a gentle kiss to the top of Clara’s head 

“Sorry,” she said, glancing at him. “This probably isn’t what you signed up for.”

“It’s exactly what I signed up for,” he said, without even thinking.

John held up a framed photo from the shelf. It was Ellie-probably around one, in a floppy sunhat, holding a half-eaten biscuit with proud determination.

“She looks exactly the same,” he said. “Just slightly stickier.”

Clara laughed. “She was always sticky. Even before she could crawl.”

He turned the photo over, reading the tiny handwriting on the back. “‘Ellie Amelia Oswald. July.’ Amelia?”

Clara glanced over, her smile softening. “Middle name.”

“Family?” he asked.

She nodded. “Yeah. Amy. Amelia Pond. Best friend, practically Ellie’s aunt. I figured if anyone was going to get middle name honours…”

He raised an eyebrow, still holding the frame. “And ‘Ellie’?”

Clara hesitated just a moment not out of discomfort, but because it still caught a little in her throat, the tenderness of it.

“It was my mum’s name,” she said simply. “Ellie Raven. She never got to meet her, but… she was brilliant. Warm and loud and full of life. The kind of person who’d be in the middle of every birthday party, probably wearing a ridiculous hat.”

John watched her, quiet, listening.

“I wanted Ellie to have a piece of that,” Clara added. “A name that meant something. A name with joy behind it.”

John smiled. “She suits it.”

“She really does,” Clara said, almost to herself. “Sometimes I look at her and think, of course you’re Ellie. There couldn’t have been any other name.”

He carefully set the photo back on the shelf. “You picked well.”

Clara’s smile lifted, just slightly. “I tried.”

Clara had lit a candle on the coffee table-not deliberately romantic, just something she did when the house was too still and she didn’t want to feel lonely. She was curled up sideways on the sofa, barefoot, a half-drunk glass of wine on the floor by her feet. Her hair was a little messy, her cardigan too big for her frame. Comfortable.

John sat at the other end of the sofa, turned slightly toward her, elbow on the back cushion, one leg drawn up. They’d spent the last half-hour doing nothing in particular.  talking about a book they’d both pretended to finish, laughing at a terrible film they hadn’t finished at all.

But now there was that familiar weight in the room. Not awkward, not heavy, just there. Waiting.

She glanced at him, and he was already looking at her. “You always go quiet when you’re thinking too loud,” she said softly.

He smiled. “How do you know I’m not just tired?” 

“Because your eyes are doing that thing.” She mimicked him, narrowing hers in mock concentration. “Like you’re planning a three-step escape route. Or about to say something important.”

He gave a low laugh. Rubbed the back of his neck. “Alright. Fine.”

There was a beat.“I like you, Clara,” he said, simply. “More than I’ve liked anyone in a very long time.”

Her mouth lifted at the corner. “I figured.”

“Of course you did.”

Another pause.“But it’s not just that I like you,” he added, quieter now. “It’s that I… I think I might be falling for you.”

That pulled the breath from her chest.

He wasn’t looking at her now. He was looking down, like maybe if he didn’t meet her eyes it wouldn’t count so much.“And I know that’s a lot,” he went on. “I know you’ve got your life, and people in it I haven’t even met, and a whole history I wasn’t part of. But even with all that, when I think about my day, you’re always at the centre of it. And I think I’d regret not saying it.”

She stayed quiet for a moment, letting the words settle. Then:“I didn’t expect you,” she said.

He looked up.“Not in a bad way. I just… didn’t have room for this. I wasn’t looking. I wasn’t ready, really. And I still don’t know if I am.”

John nodded, gently. “That’s alright.” 

“But-” she went on, voice steadier now. “You’ve never once made me feel like I’m too much. Or like I’ve got to explain everything before we even sit down. And I haven’t had that. Not ever, actually. You’ve just let me be… me. That’s not small.”

There was quiet between them again. But it felt different now. Intimate. Laced with something warm.“I don’t know where this goes,” she said. “But I want to see.”

His eyes flicked to her mouth. Back to her eyes. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she said, voice low. “And… I might be falling too.” 

He leaned in, carefully, and this time it wasn’t first or uncertain. It was confirmation. A slow, steady kiss that felt like a promise neither of them had made out loud yet.

When they parted, she stayed close, their foreheads just brushing.“You still drink your tea lukewarm,” he murmured, glancing at her forgotten mug.“You still wear those ridiculous socks.”“They’re charming.”“They have planets on them.”

He laughed, and she smiled into it.“Stay a bit longer?” she asked.“I was hoping you’d say that.”

And neither of them moved from the sofa for a long time.

The door flung open with a crash.

Clara jumped.

John sat bolt upright from where he’d been comfortably nestled into the corner of her sofa, one arm still draped instinctively behind Clara. Their tea mugs clinked on the coffee table as her front door hit the wall with force.

“I swear to God if he’s hurt you, Clara, I will throw him into the canal myself.”

Amy burst in, cheeks flushed with wind and determination, hair still damp from the rain, mascara slightly smudged. She was already halfway across the living room before her eyes finally registered the scene in front of her.

Clara, startled. John, wide-eyed. A blanket pooled around both their legs. The soft hum of an old film playing from the television.

Amy blinked.

“Oh,” she said flatly. “You’re… cuddling.”

Clara raised an eyebrow. “Would you like to sit down, or start throwing punches first?”

John, clearly trying not to laugh, gave Amy a polite nod. “Hi. I’m John. The one not currently drowning in canal water.”

Amy stared at him, arms still crossed. Then she slowly, warily, extended a hand. “Amy.”

He shook it, still smiling- carefully. “Nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot. Mostly about the hair.

“All true,” she replied, eyeing him for a beat longer before seeming to decide he wasn’t, in fact, a terrible man. “You’re taller than I pictured.”

“That happens.”

“And less irritating, for now.”

“Just give it time.”

Clara snorted. “He’s very charming when under siege.”

Amy’s lips twitched. “Right. Well. I came here to console a brokenhearted friend. Instead, I’ve interrupted a cuddle. This is very disappointing.”

John stood, smoothing down his jumper and slipping on his coat. “I should go anyway. Ellie’s not here, and I get the sense I’ve walked into an episode of something.”

“Rom-com,” Clara muttered

“More like farce,” Amy replied, arms still crossed, but no longer hostile.

John gave Clara a lingering look something small and fond then looked back at Amy. “Nice meeting you. Truly.”

“Don’t make me regret it,” Amy said.

Clara walked him to the door, a quiet exchange of smiles and a quick kiss on the cheek before he left with a soft click of the latch.

“So im guessing you told him” Amy turned to her, arms unfolding now, expression melting into something much gentler. 

“I did,” she said. 

“What happened?” Amy asked. 

“I ran out of the restaurant,” Clara said. Amy started to giggle and Clara elbowed her. “I came back here. He recognized the flat and said he was completely here for me. I told him everything, Amy”.

“You like him.”

Clara flopped back down on the sofa, picking up her still-warm mug. “I do.”

Amy plopped beside her, kicking off her boots. “I ran over here in a panic, you know. Rory had to reheat my tea. I was convinced it had all gone to hell.”

“You thought I wouldn’t text you if I’d been dumped?”

“I thought you’d pretend you were fine until you burst into my house at two a.m. crying into a bottle of wine.”

Clara laughed, then sighed. “It’s good. He’s good. I think he means it.”

Amy was watching her now, serious again. “And you trust him? Really?”

Clara didn’t answer right away. She stared at the spot where he’d been sitting. At the blanket was still crumpled between them. Then she nodded.

“Yeah. For the first time in a long time… I think I really do.”
Amy leaned her head on Clara’s shoulder. “Well. About bloody time.”

 

Chapter 17

“What do you want for dinner Ellie?" Clara asked, leaning over the back of the couch to look at Ellie.

”Rice,” She mumbled, a blanket wrapped round her. 

“Just rice?” Clara asked

”Yup” Ellie says. 

“Would you eat some chicken nuggets with it?” Clara said. Ellie nodded. 

Rain tapped on the windows like tiny fingertips. The kind of gentle, grey rain that made everything quiet. Clara’s flat was warm, with fairy lights glowing softly above the sofa.

Clara was curled up under a big blanket, legs tucked underneath her, holding a cup of tea that had gone cold without her noticing. Across the living room, Ellie sat on the floor in her comfiest clothes, completely absorbed in her drawing.

She was using every colour she could find and even one of Clara’s good pens, which she definitely wasn’t supposed to have.

Clara gave her a look. “Ellie. What’s that pen?”

Ellie froze. “Umm… it’s the rainbow one?”

“That’s Mummy’s pen for work.”

“I’m just borrowing it,” Ellie said, without looking up.

Clara sighed, but she was smiling. “Are you drawing another picture of us with a dragon?”

“Nope.” Ellie stuck her tongue out the side of her mouth in concentration. “It’s us but we live in a tree. A big one. With windows.”

“A treehouse?”

“No! A tree-home. A big one. With bunk beds and toast and no spiders. Only nice bugs.”

Clara took a sip of tea and nodded solemnly. “Sounds perfect.”

Ellie looked up. “Would you live there with me, Mummy?”

“Of course. I’d live anywhere with you.”

Ellie beamed. “Even in a dollhouse?”

Clara laughed. “Even in a dollhouse.”

She wriggled across the carpet a few steps and clambered up onto the sofa beside Clara, dragging her blanket and drawing with her. Once settled, she tucked herself into Clara’s side like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Clara shifted to make space, pulling the blanket over them both.

“Mummy?”

“Mm?”

“What’s your name again?”

Clara blinked. “My name?”

“Yeah. Is it just Mummy?”

Clara smiled. “It’s Clara.”

“Ohhhh.” Ellie looked impressed. “That’s nice.”

“Thank you.”

“Mine’s Ellie.”

“I know that one. I chose it.”

Ellie giggled and leaned her head against Clara’s arm. Her curls were soft and a bit tangled. Crumbs from a biscuit were stuck to her sleeve.

“I like rainy days,” Ellie said. “We don’t have to go outside. Outside is soggy.”

“Very soggy.”

“And there’s no wasps.”

Clara nodded. “Always a plus.”

They were quiet for a moment. The fairy lights twinkled faintly, and the rain made the windows all blurry. It was the kind of afternoon Clara wished she could bottle and keep.

Then Ellie whispered, “Mummy?”

“Hmm?”

“Are we gonna stay like this forever?”

Clara looked down at her daughter. Her face was round and soft, eyes full of something older than four. She was always asking questions like that questions that made Clara pause, heart tugged somewhere deep.

“Me and you?” Clara said gently. “We’ll always be us. Even when you get big.”

Ellie blinked. “Like… six?”

“Even when you’re twenty-six.”

“That’s so big,” Ellie whispered, awed.

Clara kissed the top of her head. “It is. But I’ll still be your mum.”

Ellie grinned. “And I’ll still be your Ellie.”

“You’d better be.”

They snuggled down under the blanket, and Ellie pressed her face into Clara’s arm, little fingers fiddling with the edge of the fabric.

“I’m hungry again.”

“You just ate.”

“Still.”

Clara sighed fondly. “Toast?”

“Jam toast.”

“No crumbs on the sofa this time.”

Ellie nodded solemnly. “Promise.”

They stayed there a moment longer, wrapped in warmth and the smell of crayons, then Clara stood and helped Ellie down from the sofa. Her little hand curled into Clara’s without even thinking.

As they headed into the kitchen, Ellie looked up and said, “You’re the best toastie mummy.”

Clara blinked. “Toastie?”

“You’re warm and nice.”

Clara laughed. “Well. I’ll take that.

“Mummy” Ellie asked “Can I have a sleepover with you tonight?”.

’In my bed?” Clara asked as she placed bowls in the dishwasher. “Sure mouse”. Ellie threw her hands in the air with the biggest smile. 

“We’ve got a free day tomorrow” Clara said “What do you want to do?”. 

“Can we go see the animals?’ Ellie asked. 

“What animals Ellie?”

”The bunnies and goats”. 

“Ahh” Clara said “The farm park?’

”Emm yeah” Ellie nodded.

“Yeah we can do that” 

“Woohoo,” Ellie said. 

“Oh it's late,” Clara said, glancing at her phone. “Come on, jammies and bed. lets go”. 

When they were lying in bed Clara sat staring at the ceiling as Ellie recounted her day to her. Falling asleep minutes later Clara knew that she had been tired out.She welcomed sleep aswell. Happily accepting the extra cuddles tonight

The sun was trying its best. It glimmered weakly through the clouds, casting a hazy sort of gold over the low stone walls and muddy fields as Clara parked the car and glanced in the rear-view mirror. Ellie was already halfway out of her car seat, legs kicking impatiently.

“Hold on, love, let me. okay, you’re escaping,” Clara said with a tired laugh, scrambling to grab her bag as Ellie launched herself out of the car and into the chilly spring air.

“I can see chickens!” Ellie shouted, voice high with glee. “And a big cow! Mummy, look!”

Clara zipped up Ellie’s coat and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. “We’ll see everything, alright? One thing at a time. Shoes dry?”

Ellie stomped on the gravel to demonstrate. “Dryish!”

Clara eyed the clouds overhead with mild suspicion. “Let’s say goodbye to dry, then.”

They passed through the entrance gate, a cheerful wooden arch that smelled faintly of warm hay and damp wood. There were laminated signs everywhere—“Please Don’t Feed the Animals Bread!” and “Sheep Bites!”-but Ellie was already pointing wildly at a pen full of goats.

“Can we pet them?”

“We can if they don’t try to eat your coat.” Clara smiled and followed her daughter, who was already leaning as far over the fence as she could without actually climbing into the enclosure.

The goats, perhaps sensing a small human with no food, wandered off disinterested. Ellie was undeterred.

“I think the black one likes me,” she said confidently. “He winked.”

“Sure he did,” Clara said, amused. “Come on, let’s try the petting barn. There might be lambs.”

Ellie’s face lit up. “Like actual babies?”

“Like actual woolly babies.”

The barn was a low, warm-smelling building tucked just past the tractor track. Inside, the light shifted—dimmer, full of the gentle sounds of animals and soft chatter. Ellie slowed as they stepped inside, wide-eyed, holding tight to Clara’s hand.

There were pens lined up on both sides of the walkway, each one full of sleepy-eyed animals. Kids sat cross-legged on straw mats, gently cradling rabbits or stroking snoozing guinea pigs. A volunteer handed Clara a squirt of hand sanitiser and smiled.

“You’re welcome to let her try holding one, if she wants,” she said.

Ellie was already staring longingly at the corner where a boy held a small lamb wrapped in a towel.

“Mummy—can I? Please?”

Clara crouched to meet her eyes. “Alright. You have to sit still and be gentle. No sudden squealing.”

“I can be very gentle,” Ellie whispered, nodding solemnly like she was preparing to take an oath.

Minutes later, she was sitting on a mat with a lamb in her lap, both of them looking equally baffled by the arrangement. Clara perched nearby, watching as Ellie ran a finger along the lamb’s tiny ear with wonder.

“His name’s Albert,” Ellie said softly.

“You’ve named him?”

“He told me. In his brain.”

“Of course he did.”

They sat there for a while, warm and quiet. Clara couldn’t help watching Ellie with a sort of aching softness. There were still days when she felt like she’d blinked and this small person had appeared, all attitude and imagination. The noise and chaos were exhausting, sure. but this? These small, quiet pockets of wonder? She would carry them in her chest forever.

Eventually, the lamb grew wriggly, and Ellie reluctantly let him go. They washed their hands at the outdoor sink Ellie insisted on doing the soap “all by herself”, and Clara pulled a cereal bar from her bag as a distraction.

“I’m a bit tired,” Ellie admitted through a mouthful.

“Well, we’ve got a lot of animals left to judge. You can’t make your official favourite till we’ve done the rounds.”

“Okay,” Ellie said brightly. “But I think it’s still the wink goat.”

They moved through the rest of the farm at a lazy pace. Ellie climbed a hay bale tower, got nipped gently by a curious sheep, and made Clara read the entire laminated history of the farm’s resident pig    who, incidentally, had her own Instagram. By the time they reached the little on-site café, Clara was carrying Ellie’s jacket, gloves, and a handful of “treasures” that included two small rocks and an acorn.

They shared a hot chocolate at a picnic table, the last of the sunlight stretching across the gravel paths.

“Can we come back?” Ellie asked, licking chocolate from her upper lip. “Tomorrow?”

“Maybe not tomorrow,” Clara smiled, brushing mud from Ellie’s cheek. “But definitely again.”

Ellie leaned her head on Clara’s arm, suddenly drowsy. “I liked it. It was happy.”

Clara kissed the top of her head. “It was.”

She didn’t say how good it had felt to have a day like this.   no errands, no dishes piling up, no stress humming under her skin. Just her and Ellie, laughing at ducklings and naming sheep.

A quiet, ordinary kind of joy.

The bathwater had gone tepid. Ellie was tucked in a towel, sat cross-legged on Clara’s bed while Clara gently brushed the tangles out of her damp hair. The smell of strawberry shampoo clung to the air.

Outside the window, the sky was the colour of lavender. Inside, it was quiet—just the soft drag of the brush and Ellie’s hum as she played with her toy unicorn.

“Mummy,” Ellie said, without looking up. “Are you going to marry someone one day?”

Clara paused, just for a beat. “Why do you ask?”

“Millie’s mummy has a husband. And he makes pancakes. Really good ones. Millie says her mummy said he’s her best friend.”

Clara smiled faintly, brushing a little slower.

“That sounds lovely,” she said. “Would you like pancakes like that?”

Ellie nodded solemnly. “Yes. But only if they have sprinkles.”

There was a silence. Not awkward, just thoughtful. Clara set the brush down gently and shifted so she could see Ellie’s face properly.

“You know how sometimes we have people in our lives who make things feel easier? Or kinder?”

Ellie nodded again, blinking up at her.

“Well, there’s someone I’ve been seeing a little bit. His name’s John. He’s really lovely. Kind, clever, and very gentle. He makes me laugh, and he listens when I talk. He’s… nice to be around.”

Ellie leaned into her, absently curling a corner of the towel between her fingers. “Like Auntie Amy?”

Clara smiled. “In a different way. But yes. He’s special to me. And I’ve been thinking about letting him meet someone else very special.”

Ellie tilted her head. “Me?”

“You,” Clara confirmed, gently tucking a strand of wet hair behind her daughter’s ear. “But only if you want to. You’re the most important part of my life, El. I’d never do anything to make you uncomfortable.”

Ellie was quiet for a long time. Then she whispered, “Does he like cats?”

Clara blinked, then laughed. “I don’t know. I’ll ask.”

“And… does he know how to play Uno?”

“He might need to be taught,” Clara said, fighting a smile. “But I bet you’d be brilliant at that.”

Ellie chewed her lip. “He doesn’t get to sleep in our bed.”

“No. Definitely not. He’d get kicked out very quickly.”

Ellie giggled, and Clara kissed the top of her damp head.“Alright,” Ellie said, curling into her side. “He can come. But only if he makes pancakes.”

“Sprinkles and all?”

“Sprinkles and syrup.”

“Deal.”

They sat there in the lavender light, warm and safe, the future slowly unfolding with kindness and trust.

 

Chapter 18

“Wake up” Ellie said, jumping impatiently right on top of Clara.

‘I’m up, ' Clara said, untangling her legs from the duvet and turning round to face Ellie. ”Do you want to go to the library today Els?”

”Yes please” Ellie said, snuggling closer into Clara. 

“Come on then” Clara said, getting to her feet and lifting Ellie onto her hip “breakfast time”. They sat eating in the kitchen. Ellie had an occasional comment about something or other. “How long until my birthday?” She asked looking up at Clara.

”Your birthday isn’t until may poppet”. 

“But that's far away,” Ellie said. 

“I suppose it is but you’ve got Christmas soon”. Clara suggested. Ellie nodded, she ate the rest of her breakfast slowly and then took her sweet time to let Clara get her changed.

 

In the few weeks since Clara had told Ellie about John and vice versa. She had brought him up a few times. Thankfully never to her Dad. She had blabbed to Amy. Who acted surprised and thanked Ellie for passing on important information. She knew she had to speak to her about John potentially coming over tomorrow night, but she wanted to give Ellie a nice day first to then see what she thought. 

The town library smelled like old books and carpet cleaner. Clara’s favourite kind of quiet. She guided Ellie through the double doors with a soft nudge on her backpack, letting her lead the way toward the children’s section.

Ellie clung to her hand at first, her eyes scanning the bright displays and beanbags, but not quite ready to let go yet.

“Shall we see if the sparkly fairy books are still here?” Clara whispered, crouching to her level.

Ellie nodded, her face half-buried in her scarf, the hint of a smile peeking out.

Clara gently squeezed her hand. “Come on, Miss Shy. Let’s see what we find.”

They padded quietly toward the picture book shelves. Ellie hesitated, then released her grip and crouched beside the lowest shelf, slowly pulling out a book with glittery stars on the cover. She sat cross-legged, carefully opening it like it was made of glass.

Clara stayed close but gave her space, flipping through a random nature book without really reading it, just enjoying the stillness. That’s when she heard a familiar voice clipped, bright, calm.

“I told you we’d find the fish book again, Poppy. Didn’t I say it would still be here?”

Clara glanced up. Belinda Chandra stood by the sea-life shelf with a small girl beside her, flipping through a board book covered in coral and smiling sharks. Her hair was pinned in a perfect knot, her coat elegantly folded over her arm. Somehow, she still looked like she was on her way to a magazine shoot.

“Belinda?” Clara said before she could stop herself.

Belinda turned, eyes widening slightly. “Clara Oswald! I haven’t seen you in goodness, almost three years? ?”

Clara smiled. “Must’ve been, I think this one was still tiny,” she said, nodding toward the toddler by her feet.

Belinda reached down to straighten the girl’s headband. “This is Poppy. She’s nearly four now. Won’t say a word to you, but she’ll memorise every book spine in the building.”

Clara laughed lightly. “Sounds familiar.” She gestured behind her. “My daughter’s Ellie. She’s four and a half.” She lowered her voice. “Also prone to quiet stares and clinging to her mum’s leg in public.”

Ellie had tucked herself slightly behind Clara again, the book hugged tight to her chest, her wide eyes flickering between the two strangers. Clara smoothed her fringe gently.

Belinda crouched a little, her voice softer now. “Hi Ellie. I like your book. Stars are my favourite.”

Ellie didn’t answer but looked up at Clara, who nodded encouragingly. Ellie’s voice came out tiny: “Mine too.”

“Would it be alright,” Belinda said, still gentle, “if Poppy sits near you? Just to read for a bit.”

Clara glanced at Ellie. She gave the smallest nod.

Soon, both girls were settled on the beanbags, still not speaking to each other, but close enough to notice the other’s page. Ellie peeked at Poppy’s fish book; Poppy stole glances at Ellie’s stars.

Clara and Belinda sat nearby, both half-pretending to read.

“She’s not usually this quiet,” Clara murmured. “Unless she’s in a new place or the moon’s at the wrong angle.”

Belinda smiled knowingly. “Poppy didn’t speak to anyone but me until she was nearly three. She’s got a shy streak the size of Yorkshire.”

There was a comfortable pause between them—rare and welcome.

“You back at work yet?” Belinda asked.

“Nearl three years ago,” Clara said, chuckling faintly. “Feels like I never left. You?”

“Just part-time now. Bit of writing, bit of consultancy… mostly juggling this one.”

Clara nodded. “Mum life.”

Belinda’s smile turned fond. “You do it well.”

Ellie piped up quietly, not looking up from her book: “Mummy, can we get a hot chocolate with sprinkles?”

Clara smiled and smoothed her daughter’s hair. “We can. But no extra marshmallows if you don’t talk to Poppy first.”

Ellie looked at Poppy. “I like the jellyfish,” she whispered.

Poppy gave the tiniest nod.

Belinda grinned. “Look at them. Slow-burn best friends in the making.”

____________

Clara was folding tiny socks on the sofa when Ellie padded into the room, her bedtime book clutched under one arm.

“Mummy?”

Clara looked up. “You should be in bed, madam.”

Ellie didn’t quite smile—just came to stand beside her, thoughtful.

She hesitated. “When’s John coming?”

Clara paused, just long enough to register the question properly.

She reached out, gently tugging Ellie into her lap. “You want to mee him?”

Ellie nodded, slow and small. “He sounds funny.”

Clara wrapped her arms around her. “He is.”

Ellie looked up at her, eyes soft and sleepy. “Can he come on a Monday? I like Mondays.”

Clara smiled. “He could. Or a weekend? Maybe we do something nice all together?”

Ellie considered. “Like… park?”

“If you like. Or even something bigger. A farm again? Or the garden centre with the ducks?”

Ellie rested her head against Clara’s chest, curling closer.

“Okay,” she murmured.

“Okay,” Clara echoed, brushing her fingers through Ellie’s curls. “We’ll tell him. Maybe not this weekend, but the next? That gives us time.”

Ellie yawned and nodded.

“You’ll let me know if you change your mind?” Clara added softly.

“Mmhm.”

Clara kissed the top of her head. “Alright, back to bed now, my little moon.”

Ellie slipped down and took Clara’s hand for a moment before heading back down the hallway, her book still tucked under her arm.

Clara’s classroom was unusually quiet for once—the usual whirlwind of chairs scraping and children chattering replaced by the peaceful rustle of the breeze through the open windows. Her lunch sat half-eaten on her desk, papers fanned beside it, when a quiet knock on the door pulled her attention.

She looked up, surprised, and then immediately softened.

“Hey,” John said, already smiling, a little breathless like he’d hurried over.

“You’re early,” Clara said, standing up and brushing crumbs from her skirt.

“I had a free period. Thought I’d take a detour.” He stepped in and let the door fall shut behind him, the lock clicking quietly into place.

Clara tilted her head, amused. “A detour to an empty secondary school classroom? Lucky me.”

“Very lucky,” he murmured. And then he was crossing the space between them, not with urgency, but with an easiness that came from weeks of late-night conversations and the slow unfolding of trust. He leaned in, one hand resting lightly on her waist, and kissed her.

It was a soft kiss, not rushed, like they had all the time in the world. Familiar, but still thrilling.

She kissed him back, smiling as she pulled away just slightly. “You know this is wildly inappropriate, right?”

“I’ve seen worse things in school hallways,” he said, still close. “Mostly from year elevens.”

Clara chuckled, resting her forehead briefly against his. “You’re impossible.”

“I missed you.”

“You saw me yesterday.”

“Still counts.”

She stepped back, just enough to reach for her tea. “You’ll want to know what Ellie said.”

John’s brow lifted. He waited, heart visibly in his throat but hiding it behind a patient smile.

Clara didn’t draw it out. “She said yes. About meeting you.”

He blinked. “She did?”

“She did,” Clara said, quieter now, but glowing. “I asked if maybe the weekend after next would be okay. She agreed. Suggested the park. She even said you were nice.”

John let out a breath like he hadn’t realised he’d been holding it. Then a hand ran through his hair, a small, stunned laugh escaping him. “Wow.”

“I know,” Clara said. “I’m still kind of… processing it.”

“That’s…” He shook his head slowly. “I don’t even know what to say. Thank you for trusting me with her.”

“She’s not porcelain, you know,” Clara said lightly. “She’s her own person. She just… needed time. So did I.”

John nodded. “You’re both allowed that.”

He took her hand, thumb brushing lightly along her knuckles. “I’ll be there. Whenever you want me.”

Clara smiled, then glanced toward the door.

“You should go before Mrs Harwood comes snooping,” she said, teasingly. “She’ll think you’re trying to steal my worksheets.”

“Or my heart,” he said dryly.

“Please leave before I throw a glue stick at you.”

He kissed her again quicker this time, grinning then made his quiet escape, his fingers brushing hers one last time before he slipped out.

Clara stood in the middle of her quiet classroom for a moment longer, just smiling to herself.

____________

John hadn’t been this nervous since his first teaching observation, which was saying something considering he’d once been left alone with a class of thirty Year 10s and a wasp.

The wind tugged at his coat as he walked the familiar pavement toward Clara’s flat, his palms damp despite the chill. He wasn’t even sure what he was so afraid of Clara had invited him. Ellie had agreed. But still, his thoughts wouldn’t stop spiralling.

What if she changes her mind? What if I say something wrong? What if she hates me? What if I ruin everything?

He paused just outside the gate, glanced up at the windows. No going back. He blew out a long, shaky breath, and rang the buzzer.

Clara’s voice came through. “Come up.”

She opened the door before he’d knocked, barefoot and casual in a worn jumper, hair tied up messily. She smiled, but her eyes were watchful.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” he replied, and she stepped back to let him in. He slipped off his shoes, suddenly very aware of how quiet it was inside. There were soft toys scattered along the sofa, a children’s book half-open on the rug.

Ellie was sitting cross-legged in the corner of the room, colouring. She looked up when he entered and then quickly looked back down again.

Clara gave him a small look that said just give her a minute.

John crouched by the entryway to the living room, not moving any further in. “Hi,” he said gently. “I’m John.”

Ellie didn’t answer. Her crayons shuffled quietly.

John smiled anyway. “I like your drawing, The dinosaur looks cool.”

Still no answer. Her little hand moved a purple crayon over what looked like a dinosaur with a crown.

Clara glanced between them, then walked over and knelt beside her daughter. “Ellie, remember we talked about this? This is John. He’s mummy’s friend. Just like Belinda’s a friend, remember?”

Ellie’s head tilted, but she didn’t speak. She eyed him like a very small, very suspicious cat.

“She doesn’t have to talk yet,” John said softly. “It’s okay.”

Clara met his eyes and gave him a grateful smile. “Would you like a tea?” she asked him.

“Yes. Yes, please. That would be good.”

Clara disappeared into the kitchen. John slowly moved to sit on the edge of the sofa, still giving Ellie her space. She peeked at him then quickly went back to colouring.

A moment passed.

Then another.

Then Ellie piped up “It’s not a dinosaur. It’s a dragon.”

John’s eyebrows lifted. “Ah. My mistake. Is it breathing fire?”

“No,” Ellie said matter-of-factly, still not looking at him. “He makes flowers come out of his mouth.”

“That’s much cooler,” John said, genuinely impressed. “Way nicer than fire. Fire’s too messy anyway.”

Ellie was silent again, but a tiny smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

When Clara returned with two mugs of tea, she looked between them. “Everything okay?”

John nodded slowly. “Perfect.”

Ellie didn’t look up, but she slid the drawing a little closer to him. Just slightly.

And John’s heart did something he wasn’t prepared for.

John sat awkwardly at the edge of the sofa, a plate of pasta balanced on his knee. Across the coffee table, Clara sat cross-legged on the rug, Ellie curled up tightly against her side with her own plate. The telly played some animated show in the background, all bright colours and fast-talking animals.

“Hope it’s not too spicy,” John said, offering a small smile in Ellie’s direction. “I didn’t add much chilli.”

Ellie didn’t reply.

Clara gave her a gentle nudge. “Ellie, John made the pasta. Say thank you.”

“Thank you,” Ellie mumbled, eyes still fixed on the screen. She picked at her food, moving penne pieces around the plate like they were puzzle pieces she wasn’t interested in solving.

John looked down at his own plate. “If you don’t like it, I can make toast or—”

“I like it,” Ellie said quickly. Still no eye contact.

Clara gave John a quiet look. She’s trying, it said. Just not ready yet.

After dinner, John offered to do the dishes. Clara took Ellie to get her ready for bed. He could hear them through the wall. Ellie protesting about brushing her teeth, Clara coaxing her gently. He washed slowly, letting the warm water run over his hands longer than necessary.

When Clara returned, she dropped onto the sofa beside him with a soft sigh. “She’s out. Finally.”

John gave a tired smile. “She doesn’t like me.”

“She doesn’t know you,” Clara corrected.

“Feels personal,” he said, not bitter, just honest.

“I know,” she admitted, tucking her knees under herself. “It took her ages to even let Rory brush her hair. She’s wary. Always has been.”

John looked toward the hallway. “I’m not trying to be anything big. Just… here.”

“She’s four,” Clara said. “Her world is very small. When someone new enters it, it feels like they’re taking up all the space.”

“Is that how it feels to you?” he asked, turning to her with a half-smile.

“No,” Clara said, leaning her head against the back of the sofa. “With you it’s more like there’s finally room to exhale.”

John felt warmth creep up his chest, but he didn’t say anything. Just reached for her hand and gave it a small, careful squeeze.

A door creaked down the hall.

Ellie stood there, hair mussed and eyes squinty from sleep. “Mummy?”

Clara was already up. “What is it, love?”

“I forgot bunny.”

Clara disappeared down the hall with her. John waited in the quiet again, unsure if he should grab his coat and leave or if staying was the right thing.

When Clara returned a few minutes later, she looked tired.

“Sorry. Long day,” she said, collapsing beside him again.

“You’ve got a lot on,” John said gently. “You always do.”

“She asked if you’d be here tomorrow.”

John’s eyebrows lifted. “Did she?”

“She didn’t say it nicely,” Clara added. “But she asked.”

John nodded, smiling small but genuine. “Then I’ll be here. Just in the corner. Out of the way. Making bland pasta.”

Clara laughed softly. “She’ll come round.”

“I’m not in a rush,” he said. “I just don’t want to get it wrong.”
“You won’t,” Clara said, resting her head against his shoulder. “You’re already getting it more right than most.”

Chapter 19

Notes:

Warning: smut ahead ;)

John hadn’t expected to feel nervous. He had been on dates before, many of them dull, a few promising, none of them her. But as he stood in the soft hallway light of Clara’s flat, smoothing down the front of his jacket, he couldn’t help the flutter of anticipation in his stomach.

The door creaked open.

“Hi,” Clara said with a warm, open smile. And then he forgot how words worked.

She looked-God. She looked incredible. Not overdressed, just effortlessly stunning. A deep blue dress that hugged her waist and flowed to her knees, her hair swept to one side, eyes bright. She was beautiful, yes, but more than that there was something striking about her tonight. Confident. Playful. Unapologetically herself.

And if he was being honest, she looked hot. Unreasonably so.

“Hi,” he managed, though it came out slightly breathless.

Clara glanced down at herself, then up again. “Too much?”

“Not even slightly,” John said quickly. “You look amazing.”

Her smile ticked up. “You clean up well yourself.”

From behind her, a small voice called, “Mummy, is that John?”

Clara stepped aside, and there stood Ellie in fluffy socks and pyjamas covered in cartoon sheep, clutching a very worn-looking rabbit.

John crouched slightly, giving her a warm smile. “Hi, Ellie.”

Ellie looked at him with those big, curious eyes, then gave a shy little wave and hid behind Clara’s leg.

“She’s had a busy day,” Clara said quietly, smoothing Ellie’s hair. “But she insisted on staying up to say hello.”

John softened. “I’m honoured.”

Ellie peeked out again, whispering, “Bye, John.”

“Bye, Ellie. Be good for Amy, okay?”

Clara leaned down, kissed the top of her daughter’s head, and murmured something reassuring. Then she stood, grabbed her coat from the hook, and smiled at John. “Ready?”

God, was he ever.

John hadn’t stopped glancing at her all night.

From the second Clara opened the door all cheekbones and eyeliner and a dress that might actually haunt him he’d barely managed full sentences.

Now they were sitting across from each other in the corner of a quiet little Italian place, candles flickering between them, and he was certain he’d never get through the meal without completely losing his head.

“You’re staring,” Clara said, that sly smile tugging at her lips.

John didn’t even pretend to deny it. Just leant over and kissed her. “I’m trying to remember how to eat. You’ve made it difficult.”

“Is that a compliment or a cry for help?”

“A bit of both,” he said, eyes dancing. “You look… absolutely unreal tonight.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Unreal?”

“Like someone I shouldn’t be allowed to sit this close to.”

She laughed, sipping her wine, then leaned slightly forward. “You could sit closer.”

He blinked, his fork halfway to his mouth. “Sorry what?”

“You heard me,” she said, voice lighter than air but her gaze steady.

He chuckled, shaking his head. “If you’re trying to kill me, there are easier ways.”

“Oh, I don’t want you dead. Just flustered.”

“Mission accomplished,” he muttered, then grinned.

There was a long pause, a playful silence thick with tension and fondness. Her shoe nudged his under the table.

“Is it bad that I like making you squirm?” she asked, not entirely innocent.

“Only if you stop.”

She tilted her head, considering him. “You’ve changed.”

“Have I?”

“You used to be much more… buttoned-up.”

“And now?”

“Still buttoned,” she said, gaze drifting down his shirt for half a second longer than necessary, “but less tightly.”

He laughed, the sound low and warm. “You’ve changed too. At first you were all sharp eyes and defences. Now…”

“Now?” she prompted.

“You let me see the soft bits.”

Clara looked away, cheeks tinged pink, but not embarrassed. “Don’t say things like that unless you mean them.”

“I wouldn’t waste them otherwise.”

She reached for her wine, but her hand brushed his on the way not quite accidental. Her fingers lingered.

“You’re good at this,” she said softly. As she took his hand in hers.

“At what?”

“Being kind. And completely disarming.”

“I was aiming for mysterious and devastatingly handsome,” he said, mock-disappointed.

“Oh, that too,” she murmured, gaze catching his. “But mostly I feel safe. And I don’t know if I was expecting to.”

“Safe’s a good start,” John said, voice quiet now. “But I want to be more than that. If you’ll let me.”

Her eyes flicked to his lips, then back. “I want to. Let you, I mean.”

They didn’t finish the wine. Didn’t need dessert. The night had already shifted.

They left hand in hand, steps in sync. Giggling like teenagers. Stealing kisses whenever they could. When they reached her front door, she turned the key slowly, then glanced over her shoulder.

“You coming in?” she asked, as if she didn’t already know the answer.

John didn’t speak. Just followed her inside.

The door clicks softly behind them, and they’re both laughing Clara’s hand still curled around John’s wrist, the ghost of the restaurant’s warmth clinging to them.

She shrugs off her coat as he toes off his shoes, and their eyes catch again in the hush that follows.

“I haven’t laughed like that in a long time.” She breathed.

“That was the goal. At least… part of it.”

She grins, already heading into the kitchen, barefoot. He follows. The lights are low, everything tinged amber and gold. It’s quiet. Too quiet.

“Do you want tea, or?”

She doesn’t finish the sentence. He’s closer now, standing by the counter, just looking at her. Really looking at her. eyes tracing the curve of her mouth, the line of her collarbone where her dress slips just a little. It’s reverent, breathless, like he’s trying to memorise her.

“You’re beautiful, Clara.” John whispered in the almost darkness

She rolls her eyes but can’t help the smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

“You’ve said that already.” She breathed. 

“Doesn’t make it less true.”

His voice has dropped not dark, just sincere. Weighty. She glances at him, then back at the counter, trying not to let her heart trip over itself.

Then a second later she hops up onto the counter without thinking, legs swinging. He steps between them instinctively, his hands coming to rest at her waist.

She pulls him in by his shirt, and their mouths crash together, hungry, familiar, and full of something they’ve both been holding back for too long.

He kisses her like he’s falling into her. like there’s no hesitation left one hand finding the small of her back, the other cradling her jaw. She wraps her legs around his waist without thought, anchoring him to her, as if she’s finally letting herself believe this is real.

He pulls back for just a second, forehead pressed to hers, breath shallow.

“Tell me if you want to stop.” 

“I don’t” she whispered 

She says it like it’s the easiest truth in the world. Like this them is the most natural thing that’s ever happened.

His lips find hers again, and they sink into each other fingers tangled in fabric, in hair, in each other.

There’s no rush, no frantic edge. Just months of slow-burning affection spilling out kisses that linger, hands that explore gently, reverently.

Her dress slips off her shoulder. His thumb brushes the inside of her wrist. The sounds of the world fall away.

She laughs into his mouth between kisses, and he grins against her cheek. And somewhere in the quiet, he breathes her name like a promise. 

She breathes his name against his lips again, softer this time  her arms around his shoulders, his hands secure at her waist. A kind of gravity pulling them together, slow and inevitable.

John’s lips trail to her jaw, her neck, feather-light. Clara lets her head tilt back, fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt.

“I think we should…”

She doesn’t finish. Her voice dips into a breathless hum instead as he kisses just beneath her ear. He draws back slightly, resting his forehead to hers.

“Say the word, and I’ll carry you through.” John smiled.

Her smile curves lazily, but her eyes are clear, steady.

“Okay. Then do it.”

There’s no teasing in her voice just openness. Permission.

So he does. With surprising ease, he scoops her up into his arms one arm under her thighs, the other across her back. Clara gasps, laughing quietly, her fingers sliding into the hair at the back of his neck.

“You know, I’m perfectly capable of walking.” Clara said.

“I know. But I like having you close.”

He kisses her again, slow and deep, even as he carries her through the short hallway. The flat is quiet around them, dim light spilling from the kitchen and the soft hum of the night outside her window.

He nudges open her bedroom door with his shoulder.

Everything feels heavy and sweet, her breath warm against his neck, her heart fluttering just beneath his collarbone.

She presses a kiss to his jaw as he steps carefully inside.

The room is familiar but bathed in a softness that only belongs to late hours. the bed turned down, books stacked neatly on the bedside table.

He kneels to set Clara gently on the edge of the bed, but she pulls him with her, fingers curled into his shirt as she leans back, her legs still loosely wrapped around his waist.

Their mouths meet again, and everything else fades.

There’s no rush. No scripts. Just the quiet wonder of it.

“You’re really here” She said..

“I’m not going anywhere.” John said softly

He kisses her again. Harder than ever before. Passion coursing through their bodies. John stood at the end of the bed gasping for air in between kisses. 

“You okay?” he muttered, pressing his mouth in close to Clara’s neck. 

“Never better,” she whispered. She rolled round and brought herself face to face with John. Who was now on his knees at the edge of the bed. Opposite to where she was sitting. Her hands gently moved up toward his chest as she started to unbutton his shirt. John reached for the back of her dress, he undid the button with an impossible ease. John's shirt swiftly ended up on Clara’s bedroom floor. Clara let out a small moan as John’s hand traced up her bare back. John took a deep breath when Clara shimmed out of her dress, His vision clouded by the match’s white lace bra and panties set she was wearing. She reached up and tugged him down next to her. with a small and efficient click Clara undid her bra and slipped it off her shoulders. John felt he could stay in that moment forever, she was so captivatingly beautiful it made his heart hurt. 

John grabbed Clara by the hips and pulled her on top of him. Her legs falling to either side of him. John reached up and started to massage her breast. ”Alright?” he whispered with a massive smile on his face. Clara could barely speak, she tried but the words would not come out. She snaked her hands down the waistband of his trousers and undid them, motioning for John to take them off. Quickly doing so-and ridding his socks, Clara was met once again with John’s tongue in her mouth. John kissed her neck and slowly made his way down toward her navel. His hands found her waist, fingers brushing over the gentle softness there, the warmth of her skin grounding him more than anything ever had. She wasn’t delicate. She was real, her curves honest, her skin marked by the life she’d carried and the love she’d poured out long before he ever touched her. He kissed along her shoulder, slow and reverent, as though he could memorise every inch by mouth and hand alone. She gasped softly, her fingers threading in his hair, and he thought that no one had ever felt more like home.

 “These have got to go,” Clara said in between kisses. Tugging at the hem of John’s boxer shorts. We could feel him rubbing at the inside of her thigh. John started kissing her ravenously as he pulled her pants down her legs. She threw them into a corner with a swift flick of her foot. As John caressed her harder, causing her hips to thrust into him. Clara started to see stars, she had not felt like this in a long time. And she couldn’t imagine anyone else she would want to be with. ”Please,” She begged. 

”Please what?” John asked smugly. 

“God please, touch me”. 

“Like this?” he asked, slipping a finger inside of her. Clara let out a moan. “Yes” She breathed. John kept planting kisses up and down her while rubbing her continually. John looked at Clara and saw her chest rising up and down dramatically. He kissed her hip bone, Clara jolted at the sensation. “I need you” She gasped.

”Ok darling” John said as he entered himself into her. Gasping at the feeling. Clara's body started to shake as soon as John was inside her. Clara pulled him closer and wrapped her legs around his back as he started to thrust. Clara palmed at his chest, her entire body starting to vibrate as John entered her again. “Oh” She moaned “You feel so good”. 

“You too,” John said. Taking Clara’s breasts in his hands and kneading them in his hands as Cara’s breathing became heavier, She knew she was close. She finally felt herself come as she moaned louder than ever before. Then slumping down on top of John. He took her in his arms and kissed her again. Gently cradling her to sleep. 

 

Chapter 20

Clara was awoken gently by a stream of light hitting her eyes through the uncovered blind in her bedroom. She stayed still for a minute, breathing in the morning. Until she turned over and realised who she was lying next to. She found herself face to face with John Curled on his side, one arm tucked beneath the pillow, the other resting loosely where it had fallen between them in the night. His face was relaxed in a way she didn’t often get to see the lines on his forehead softened, mouth slack with sleep, hair a complete mess. She let herself stay in that tender silence for a little longer, staying cuddled into John's side. She was thankful that as they went to bed last night she had actually put on some form of pyjamas. They didn't match in the slightest but Clara just didn't care. By this point in prior relationships she would have  still been keeping up appearances. Instead she felt that she could be completely and unapologetically herself. 

Clara smiled slightly to herself turning over to face him. Mornin’,” he mumbled, voice thick with sleep.

“Hey,” she said, smiling before she even turned over. “You drooled on my pillow.” 

He made a noise of protest, nuzzling into her shoulder. “Lies and slander.”

She rolled onto her back and looked at him properly. His hair was wild, flattened in places, and stuck up in others. His eyes were still half-closed. But he was smiling, a soft lopsided grin as he leaned in and kissed her forehead.

“That’s a nice way to wake up,” she murmured.

“Don’t get used to it. I’m a chronic duvet thief and I snore.”

“You do not snore.”

“You don’t know that,” he said, already sounding smug. “First sleepover.”

She grinned, stretching lazily before curling herself into him, arms looped around his neck. He didn’t hesitate just pulled her in closer, one hand on the small of her back and the other draped across her waist.

“You’re clingy in the mornings,” she said playfully, burying her face against his chest.

“Only with you,” he said, kissing her hair. “You’re very cuddly. It’s practically your fault.”

She pulled back enough to look up at him, smirking. “My fault, is it?”

“Entirely.”

She kissed him then  a slow, sleepy kiss. He sighed into it, hand sliding up to hold her cheek.

They stayed like that for a while. Kissing, pausing to grin, whispering nothing sentences like “we should get up” and “five more minutes.” Her hand found his again and threaded their fingers together under the covers.

“I should make tea,” Clara said eventually, but made no move to get up.

“I should let you,” he replied, kissing her nose, “but then you’d stop cuddling me.”

She hummed, brushing her thumb along his jaw. “You’re really very good at this.”

“At what?”

“This,” she said, pressing another kiss to his lips. “Staying.”

He paused, eyes soft. “So are you.”

It was barely a conversation, really. But it felt like a little promise. A quiet acknowledgement that something good had begun.

“Alright,” she sighed dramatically, “I’ll make tea. You can stay in bed like a prince.”

John grinned. “You’re spoiling me already.”

She rolled out from under the duvet and stood, hair wild and pyjamas creased, stretching. John watched her with the same stunned little look he always seemed to give her when he forgot to hide how gone he was. 

“When you finally get up” Clara yelled from the hallway “You’re making breakfast”.

John lay back in bed for a second before deciding to follow Clara, he would be mad not to soak up all the time he had with her. Padding through to the kitchen and finding her pulling mugs out of the cupboard. John came up and grabbed her gently from behind pulling her into his arms. “John!” Clara giggled, leaning into his embrace. “So breakfast” John said “What do you want?”. 

“Oh I'm not fussy,” Clara said. 

“Okay boss," John said, shepherding her over to the breakfast bar and pulling out a chair. 

“I could get used to this” She giggled, watching as John pulled out frying pans and opened up the fridge. 

“Well maybe you should” John winked back. Clara sat watching the entire time he made breakfast, she was not a natural chef by any means. Teaching herself over the years she seemed to lack that finesse and ease John seemed to have. 

“I was thinking,” Clara said as she finished a mouthful of the scrambled eggs in front of her. “Thinking about what luv?” John asked. 

I think we should try and see each other more. And I don't mean dinner dates on the weekend or anything fancy. I mean watching a film on a Wednesday evening just because or grabbing coffee on our lunch breaks. I love being with you and I hate saving it for the end of the week”.

”I agree” John said, leaning over to grab her plate and kissing her neck as he stepped back “what about Ellie?. Would she mind?”. 

“She’s easing up to you. I think she’ll come round. She's small and shy. New people take a lot of getting used to. Especially for her”. 

____________

They were tucked into the corner of the couch-her legs over his lap, a shared blanket over both of them, the leftover warmth of tea in her mug against her palms.

John shifted slightly to nuzzle closer, one arm wrapped behind her shoulders, his fingers occasionally toying with the ends of her hair. She could feel the weight of him relax against her like he was finally allowing the weekend to sink in — to just be here, without question.

Clara tilted her head to look up at him. “It’s weird, isn’t it?” she said softly.

“Hm?” His voice was low, scratchy from sleep and still wrapped in that early hush.

“This,” she said, gesturing vaguely between them. “Letting someone this close again. Knowing all the little things.”

John breathed out a smile, his eyes on the threads of her cardigan. “Yeah. Terrifying.”

“But nice,” she added quickly.

“Terrifying and nice.” He leaned in and kissed the top of her head. “You realise I know more about you now than some people you’ve known for a decade?”

She gave a small laugh. “Like what, then? Go on, impress me.”

John feigned thought, lips pursed. “Well. For one thing, your nails. They are always painted. Immaculately. No chips. No smudges. I’ve seen you half-asleep and still with perfect nails. That’s witchcraft.”

She smiled and leaned back further into him. “Not hard to keep up, just a habit. Every Friday since I was fourteen”

“Exactly. And you carry everything in that bag of yours. Umbrella, paracetamol, plasters, a sewing kit, bobbles, stickers, possibly a small animal”

“I’m a mother,” she said through a grin.

“You’re a magician,” he corrected. “And only Diet Coke. Not regular, not Pepsi. Diet Coke. Even when we went to that pub and they had nothing but lemonade, you nearly walked out.”

“I’m loyal.”

“You’re a snob.”

She nudged his ribs with her elbow and he laughed, catching her hand and lacing their fingers together.

“Also,” he added, quieter now, “you’re terrified of needles. Not just a bit squeamish, actually terrified. You get quiet and pale and pretend you’re not panicking. But you are. And you don’t like people seeing that.”

Clara went still at that one, her expression softening.

“You remembered, wow”

“Of course I did," he said gently. “It was hard not to when you told me the story of every single time you’ve ever had one.”

A long pause stretched, full of something tender and unspoken. Then she squeezed his hand.

“Alright, my turn,” she said, shifting to look at him better.

He raised a brow. “I’m braced.”

She gave him a look. “You try to act grumpy but you hum when you’re happy. Especially when you’re cooking.”

He smiled sheepishly.

“You hate the taste of tea but drink it anyway to be polite.”

“Tragic but true.”

“You fold your jumpers properly, even at mine. You say you’re not organised but your car is always clean and you file things like an accountant.”

“That’s… that’s a low blow.”

Clara tilted her head. “You talk to yourself when you think no one’s around. Especially if you’re fixing something. Full conversations.”

“Ah. You’ve heard that.”

“And you always touch my back when you pass me. Even if it’s barely a brush. You probably don’t even know you do it.”

He looked at her for a moment and she saw the slight parting of his lips, the almost frown of disbelief at how known he suddenly felt.

“I love that you do that,” Clara said softly. “I love that you make me feel steady. Even when everything’s chaotic.”

John leaned forward and kissed her then a slow, quiet kiss. No rush. Just the warmth of Saturday morning and too much affection to hold back.

When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against hers. “I didn’t think I’d get to have this again.”

“You do,” she whispered. “We do.”

“Mad, isn’t it?”

“The best kind.”

_____________

”I know we're early but she wouldn't stop asking” Amy shouted waltzing into the flat with a rucksack and Ellie trailing behind her feet “Oh my god I need to learn how to knock” She said as her gaze fell on Clara and John still curled up on the couch in their pyjamas no less. Clara got up and gave Amy a hug before crouching down to speak to Ellie. John waved to Amy from the couch and she gave one in return as well as a knowing wink. 

“I’m setting up my mum and dads new tv today” Amy said “Exciting I know”. Clara hugged her and promised to phone later. “Hi” Ellie said quietly as she approached John. Clara could see his face completely light up. “Hi Ellie” He replied. Ellie sat criss cross on the rug as Clara flicked the tv on for her. Taking a seat again next to John. “I should probably get going” He said “I don't want to impose on your morning”. 

”Please” Clara said “Stay for a little, don't just run away. Just a nice chill morning”. John didn’t answer he just wrapped his arms tighter around her. 

About an hour and many cups of tea later Clara decided that she should probably shower. As she left and saw John and Ellie sitting together her heart felt light and her fears were extinguished. 

“Can you read this please?” Ellie said, handing John’s the book she had hid behind her back. 

“I’d love to” John said. He opened the book and then Ellie did something completely unexpected. She sat up next to him on the couch and peered over his shoulder to see the pictures. Once John had read one story Ellie ran for another and another until John was sure they had conquered her entire bookshelf. While on story number seven Clara walked back through, hair slightly damp with comfy clothes on. She smiled bigger than John had ever seen and ran for her phone. Crouching and posing she took about a million photos. 

“Im hungry” Ellie said. Walking up to Clara. 

“Lunch is on sweetheart, five minutes okay?”. Ellie nodded and then sat back on the couch. "Where's John gone?” She asked. 

“We needed butter, he’s at the shop”. Clara said. And almost as though right on cue the door swung open and John walked in bag in hand. He  started to unpack it onto the counter. “Thanks for that” Clara said as she put the shopping into the fridge. She turned back around and found John standing with a bunch of flowers in one hand. “Aw they’re gorgeous” She said, placing them on the counter and pulling john in for a kiss. They were interrupted by a loud “EWW” Ellie was standing at their legs. Waiting impatiently for her lunch. Clara laughed and scooped her into her arms giving her a massive hug. 

Chapter 21

Clara thought her and Ellie were shaping up to have a normal Sunday. They had breakfast and got dressed with the intention of going out. That was until she suddenly ramped up a fever. Clara could feel how warm she was, despite the fact she was shivering from feeling cold. “Sorry sweetheart” Clara said as she sat on the couch “Mummy isn’t feeling very well”. Ellie didn't say anything, just nodded with silent understanding and snuggled next to Clara. She knew coping with Ellie today would be hard especially if she didn’t feel right. 

“Can we watch telly?” Ellie asked looking up at Clara, she nodded. Her throat felt sore and scratchy, talking was hurting. Clara felt herself dozing off. Holding Ellie closer she finally acknowledged the Dull pain at the back of her head. This was not the ideal end to a great weekend. Clara dragged herself off the couch once Ellie was bored of cuddles and had started playing on the floor and managed to grab some water. She thought if she wasn’t going to move all day the best she could do was drink something. As soon as she sat back down Clara’s phone started to ring. She could see John’s name flash across the screen. She answered and held the phone up to her ear, arm aching from the action. “Hello,” she said. 

“Hi” John said “are you alright? you don't sound like yourself”. 

“Not feeling great” She said “Temperature”

”Oh no. Is Ellie with you?”.

“Yeah she is. The couch seems to be my best friend today”.

”Do you need anything?”. 

“Im not too sure” She admitted. 

“Do you need me to come over?, Even just to feed Ellie?”. 

“I don't want to ruin your day. I'm sure you’re doing something”.

”If you need me I’m there”.

”Okay” Clara sighed “that would help thank you”. 

Clara fell back asleep for twenty minutes until Ellie was tapping her shoulder. “Mummy. There’s someone at the door”. She opened the door to find him standing there with a canvas tote in one hand and a pharmacy bag in the other. He wore his weekend jacket, slightly damp from the wind, and his face was drawn with quiet worry.

“Hi” he said lightly. “I brought paracetamol, lemon and honey, and the softest tissues I could find.”

Clara smiled, soft and tired. “You’re a ridiculous man.”

He leaned in and kissed her temple briefly gently and then took one look at her pale cheeks and red nose and murmured, “You sound worse than you did on the phone.”

“Cheers.” As she stepped aside to let him in, Ellie peeked over the back of the sofa. Her eyes were wide and curious, and she didn’t say anything at first.

John spotted her and softened instantly. He crouched a little, smiled warmly, and said in the lightest voice, “Hi there, Miss Ellie. Don’t mind me, I'm on doctor duty today.”

Ellie blinked, looked to Clara for confirmation, then shyly offered a tiny wave.

“Hi John,” she said, barely above a whisper.

Clara gave her a reassuring smile. “It’s alright, sweetpea. He’s just helping out while mummy’s not feeling good” 

John stood and turned to Ellie, his voice still quiet but his presence solid. “Do you mind if I make her a cup of tea? I’ve got the good lemon stuff.”

Ellie nodded like it was a Very Important Task, and John walked past her with a wink as he headed toward the kitchen. Clara watched from the hallway, something tight in her chest easing just a little. He moved like he belonged. Not in a forceful way, but in that gentle, natural rhythm that made everything feel slightly more manageable.

From the kitchen, the kettle clicked on. Clara lowered herself back onto the sofa, exhausted and heavy with fever, while Ellie crawled in beside her and rested her head on her shoulder.

“She’s clingy with me sometimes,” Clara murmured when John reappeared with the mug, setting it carefully on the table. “I think she knows when I’m not right.”

John just nodded, brushing his hand through Clara’s hair before stepping aside to let them snuggle. Ellie’s eyes were half-lidded now, sleepier than before.

“I won’t stay too long,” he whispered, perching on the arm of the sofa. “I just wanted to check on my girls.”

Clara looked up at him, tired but grateful, and whispered back, “I’m glad you did”. 

___________

“Do you need anything?” John asked Clara, who was now cradling Ellie.

”Some water please,” She said, looking up. As John sat back down next to her Clara pulled him in closer and rested her head on his shoulder. “So. Any stories from the outside world”. 

“A few, do you want to hear them?”

”Yes please, I literally interact with six people outside of work”. 

“Well after I left yesterday I swung by my sister's house”. 

“Helen right?”. 

“Yep. And my nephew James”. 

“How old is he again?” Clara said. 

“He turns sixteen on the twenty seventh”. 

“Oh wow that’s four days after mine” Clara murmured, her voice quieter than usual, slightly hoarse.

“I know,” John said, wrapping his arm more firmly around her shoulder. “I did the maths.”

She laughed softly, breath warm against his t-shirt. “That’s dangerous. You, doing maths.”

“I’m a man of many talents,” he said, then added more gently, “including calendar memorisation.”

“You really are a thrill,” she muttered, teasing, before going quiet for a beat. Then, “I’ll be thirty this year.”

John tilted his head to look down at her. “Is that the bit that’s making you feel sick?”

“Shut up.” But there was a smile in her voice, even if her eyelids fluttered shut again. “I don’t know, it just feels weird. Like it’s supposed to be a milestone. Big celebrations and all that.”

“You want a party?” he asked, brushing a bit of hair off her forehead with the back of his fingers. She felt far too warm.

“God, no.” She paused. “I mean maybe I did once. But I think I just want something quiet. Not decorations and loud music and people I don’t really talk to anymore.”

“Alright,” he said softly. “Quiet, then.”

She looked up at him, eyes glassy but still sharp. “What, you’re not going to argue that I deserve a big fuss?”

“You do deserve a fuss,” he said, thumb gently stroking her shoulder. “But you also deserve exactly what you want. So if that’s a lie-in and Ellie giving you breakfast in bed that I actually made”

“She’ll absolutely tell me it was her,” Clara interrupted, smiling.

“-Then that’s what you’ll get,” he finished.

”How would you feel if Amy and Rory came over in the afternoon?”

”Your day, your choice. That sounds great” He said softly

__________

Clara had been dozing on and off for a few hours. When she finally woke up properly Ellie was still asleep in her arms and John was sitting next to them, arm protectively around Clara’s shoulder. “Hi” She whispered, tilting her head back to look at him. 

“Hello darling” he said ‘Feeling any better?”. 

“Honestly, maybe a little. You must be working your magic” She smiled

”Just a bug?” John asked “You weren’t dizzy or anything?”.

”Yeah just a normal bug” Clara’s voice suddenly caught in her throat.  Her eyes were almost welling with tears. 

“What’s wrong?” John asked, pulling her in closer for a hug. 

“I should’ve told you sooner,” she said softly. “There were complications when Ellie was born.”

John didn’t speak. He just waited, listening in whatever way she needed him to.

“I had a hemorrhage,” she said, voice even but trembling underneath. “It was bad. Really bad.” She stared down at her hands, the weight of it pressing on her even after all these years. “I lost so much blood they thought-”

Her throat closed for a second.

“They thought I wasn’t going to make it.”

John’s hand found hers warm, solid, grounding.

“I needed surgery,” she went on. “To stop the bleeding. And after…it wasn’t over. I developed fatigue, bad iron deficiency and my body just didn’t bounce back the way I thought it would.”

She smiled faintly, bitter and a little heartbroken.

“There were days I could barely get out of bed. Feeding Ellie, changing her, even holding her sometimes felt like I was running a marathon.”

John’s thumb brushed slow, steady circles over the back of her hand.

“I wouldn’t have made it without Amy,” Clara added, voice breaking. “She stayed. She made sure I ate, she held Ellie when I couldn’t, she fought off my family when they pushed too hard, when they didn’t believe how ill I was.” She drew in a shaky breath. “And all that time, I felt like I was failing. Like Ellie deserved more than a mum who could barely stay awake half the time.”

John shifted closer, wrapping his arms around her, tucking her carefully against his chest.

“You didn’t fail her,” he said into her hair. “You fought for her. And you’re still fighting. Every single day.”

Clara closed her eyes against the sudden sting of tears.

“It’s just part of my life now,” she murmured. “The fatigue. The limits. Some days are good, some days aren’t. I don’t always look sick, but it’s there.”

John held her tighter.

“I’m here,” he said simply. “For the good days. And the hard ones. All of it.”

For the first time in a long time, Clara let herself lean into the promise of it.

____________

”Right then” John said, standing up “You hungry?”. 

“A bit yeah” Clara replied. “But you don’t need to do anything”.

”I want to” John said “And well you need to eat something. So just sit there and look gorgeous while I sort it. Will Ellie want anything?”. 

“Yeah she should probably eat. I actually need to wake her up. She’ll be a monster tonight if she sleeps longer”. Clara looked down toward Ellie who had been sleeping in her arms for the better part of three hours. She gently nudged her awake. “Hi Mouse” She said as Ellie rubbed her eyes “Do you want some dinner?”. 

“What’s for dinner?” She asked. Now slightly more awake. 

“We don't know yet, What do you want?”. Clara asked. 

“Hmm” Ellie said “Pasta?”. 

“Sounds good,” Clara said. Looking over at John who nodded back to her. 

“Are you making it?” Ellie asked John. 

“Yeah I am”. He nodded. 

“Can I help?” Ellie asked, practically bouncing. 

“Of course you can,” John said. Handing Ellie a spoon as he started pulling ingredients out of Clara’s kitchen cupboard. Ellie was perched on a kitchen chair pulled up to the counter, her legs swinging, tiny apron tied in a wonky knot behind her.

John stirred the sauce slowly, watching her from the corner of his eye. “You’re a very serious sous-chef, you know that?”

Ellie grinned, shy but proud. “I’m mixing the cheese.”

“And an excellent job you’re doing,” he said, peering into the plastic bowl she was carefully stirring with a spoon twice the size of her hand. “What kind of cheese is it again?”

“Yummy cheese.”

“Ah yes. The finest.”

He set the spoon down and came over to check the pasta water, lifting the lid as it steamed up into his face.

“Hot!” Ellie warned dramatically.

“Very hot. Good eyes, Ellie,” John said, dropping the pasta in carefully. 

We made dinner.” Ellie Said as she looked at the final three bowls sitting next to the hob.

“We did,” John said, brushing flour off his sleeves. “And I’m very impressed.”

She paused, looking up at him, a little more timid. “Are you staying tonight?”

“If that’s alright,” he said gently. “So I can help look after your mum.”

Ellie gave a small nod. “Okay. You can.”

Something about that. the quiet permission in it. nearly undid him. He didn’t press it, just smiled and reached out a hand for a high-five, which she returned with a soft giggle.

John took the seat opposite her while Ellie climbed up on her chair in between them, legs swinging happily under the table. He watched as Clara took her first bite, her eyes closing in appreciation.

“This is genuinely good,” she said after a beat. “You two are a dangerously effective team.”

Ellie beamed, cheeks full of pasta. “I like cooking with John.”

John caught Clara’s eye. Her brows lifted, just slightly, like she hadn’t expected Ellie to say that out loud.

“I like cooking with you too, El,” he said gently. “Might have to get your help again sometime.”

Clara reached for her glass of water, subtly watching the two of them. Ellie was still a bit shy around John, but tonight she hadn’t needed prompting to sit beside him, or to talk. It was the smallest of shifts, but Clara felt it settle somewhere deep and hopeful in her chest.

Chapter 22

“Hello almost birthday girl” Amy said, peeking her head round the door of Clara’s classroom for one of the few periods they both weren’t teaching at the same time. The day was dull and looked like it was about to rain, Clara had on multiple layers and was still shivering. 

“Oh hi Ames” She said looking up from the pile of marking on her desk that had been untouched for about two hours. Amy perched on a desk and crossed her arms, at eye level with Clara. Which was not a usual thing as the two women seemed to be impossibly different heights.

”Birthday plans- Go!” Amy said, pointing at Clara and motioning her to speak. 

“John is coming over tonight, then we’re having a quiet morning. You and Rory are coming and John said he planned dinner”. 

“Very nice,” Amy said, winking. There was a moment's silence until Amy blurted out. “Have you slept together?”. 

“God Amy” Clara giggled “What if someone had walked in”.

”You still didn't answer my question,” Amy insisted. 

“Okay then” Clara said “Yes”. 

“No way” Amy said “You are so falling for him”.

”Huh” Clara said “What makes you think that?”.

”That look” Amy said, waving her finger in Clara’s face “You get all dreamy and dazy, it's so cute”.

”Oh, Wow. I never noticed”.

”You’re not denying it”.

”Denying what?”

”That you’re falling for John”.

”I think I am,”. Clara admitted. Amy walked over towards her and hugged her. Both of them were smiling and giggling.

“It’s so strange,” Amy said. 

“What is?”

“That you” She said, pointing at Clara “Are going to be thirty tomorrow”.

“You make it sound as though I’ve aged overnight," Clara laughed.

“A proper adult” Amy said, looking pleased with herself.

“I think I’ve been a proper adult since twenty five” Clara said “you’ve still to get there though”.

“Excuse me” Amy said, mock-offended “I have been an adult since Rory learned how to iron”. 

“Uh, is that what marriage does to people?”. Clara rolled her eyes. 

“Apparently so” Amy grinned “you’ve got that to look forward to”.

“Oh my god Amy one step at a time” Clara said, raising an eyebrow. 

“Let me know when I need to plan the Hen night”. Amy giggled. Clara groaned and reached for a pen to throw at Amy. 

“Don’t shoot,” Amy yelled, ducking under the table. They sat chatting and laughing until the bell rang for the end of the day. Clara knew what the weekend held and she couldn’t wait. 

 

Clara knew she had around thirty minutes before John was to come over. She knew tonight was big, her birthday and their first planned night together. Doing a quick speed clean of the flat she put away last night's dinner plates and made her bed properly. Ellie was bounding about the flat and throwing her toys everywhere. “Ellie please” Clara said, "I've just cleaned up”. Smiling to herself at the thought of getting to completely relax tonight. Ellie had been up extra early this morning so Clara had her fingers crossed that it would catch up to her and she would sleep early. 

 

Sitting down and starting to flick through her phone. Clara heard a gentle and familiar knock at the door. She got up excitedly and dashed over to open it. John was standing in front of her. An insane amount of bags in his hands. “Hi” she said, smiling moving to the side to let him in “what’s in the bags?”. 

“Now that is highly confidential” John laughed as he set them down in the corner of Clara’s kitchen. Once his arms were free wrapped his hand around Clara’s waist and pulled her in for a kiss. “Nice to see you too, mister” she giggled, looking up at his face. 

“I missed you,” he said. 

“I saw you on Tuesday,” Clara laughed.

“Mmm, felt too long,” John said, holding her closer. 

“Well we’ve got the whole night, What are we getting up too?. Ellie will crash and burn very soon”.

“I may have some secret plans of my own that I cannot disclose. But we can order dinner and have a bit of a movie night?”. 

“Sounds perfect” Clara said, nuzzling in closer to John's jacket. “Is that your bag?” She said pointing to the rucksack sitting on the floor. He nodded. “I’ll take it through” she pulled away and grabbed the bag, hauling it down the hall into her bedroom. As soon as Clara walked away Ellie came from her room and bounded up to John, “Hey” she waved.

“Hi Ellie” he said “Do you know what tomorrow is?”. 

Ellie nodded “Mummy’s birthday”. 

“That’s right, well done”. John said. 

“Can we make a cake?” Ellie asked. 

“Of course we can” John said “And we can make her breakfast in the morning?”. 

“Yes” Ellie said “Can we make the red cake?, That’s Mummy’s favourite”. 

“Sounds like a plan” John said. “we can do it in the morning”. 

 

As Clara walked back into the living room all of two minutes later. She found Ellie and John standing side by side, looking like partners in crime. Ellie was giggling but hiding it behind her hands. “What are you two up too?” She asked. 

“We can’t tell you,” Ellie teased. 

“Why not?” Clara asked as she picked Ellie up and spun her in a circle. Until the two were pink faced and giggling. Clara threw them both on the couch and then kept tickling Ellie. The little girl squirmed and wriggled, nearly taking Clara's eye out in the process. Clara turned around and waved John over. He came and sat on the couch next to them. Ellie wriggled around and finally sat at the edge of the couch. Clara caught her breath and pulled herself off the floor and sat next to John, Pulling Ellie onto her knee. “Mummy, John.” Ellie started “Guess what happened today”.

”What happened sweetheart?” Clara asked?.

”Something big?” John asked, leaning forward. 

Ellie nodded, hands waving for emphasis. “We had caterpillars. Real ones. In a box. And now they’re turning into butterflies but they’re not yet. They’re just little squishy blobs”

”Are they still Caterpillars then?” Clara asked. 

‘Nooo” Ellie giggled “They’re in little sleeping bags, They said it was C-C”.

”Chrysalis?” John suggested. 

“Yes” Ellie said, nodding enthusiastically, very proud of herself. 

“That sounds great,” Clara said, slumping against the sofa. Ellie turned and snuggled in, rubbing her eyes and letting out a yawn. “Tired Little Miss?” She asked. Ellie nodded. “Can you stay awake for us to have dinner?”. Ellie's eyes lit up. 

“Okay” She said, still cuddling Clara. 

 

The night had set in. Outside it was dark and the air was freezing. Ellie had been in bed for hours. And there were takeaway boxes sitting on Clara’s coffee table. They sat with some music coming up from the speakers at the tv, Clara had her legs slumped over John as she sat at the edge of the couch. “And then I woke up in Amy’s Mum’s shoe cupboard”. Clara said with a giggle. 

“Seriously” John said, bewildered “You actually did that”.

”Absolutely. Do you not think I'm capable of it?”.

”Not the kind of thing I would have thought you would’ve spent your free time doing”.

”I was a very different person in uni”.

”So I'm hearing” John said as he reached to move a stray strand of hair out of Clara’s face. She smiled and leaned into his touch before saying “So today,” she began, already grinning, “I caught one of my Year Eights trying to sneak a cheat sheet out of his sock.”

”His sock?” John asked. 

“He was so confident about it. He just bent down to “tie his show” But get this, He was wearing loafers”.

”Really?”

”He said he just needed to stretch his leg. And then he acted like he had no idea that it was even there. Like it had magically snuck its way into his sock?”. 

“What did you do about it?” John asked, More invested in the story now. 

“I sent him to the Head. Which he did protest at but once he realised i knew he was lying he went without a fight”.

”Those are some of the worst excuses I've ever heard”. John laughed. 

“No word of a lie. I have genuinely heard worse”.

”Like what”. 

“There was once eaten by a goat, because obviously a dog wasn’t enough. I've had spiteful siblings and the best one was maybe when I was told a hamster had ripped it up for bedding”. John couldn’t stop laughing. 

“This is a whole new world” he said “I don't deal with any of this at all”. 

“Lucky you,” Clara said, giggling. “I’ts been a long day. It’s bedtime for me”. She said getting up off the sofa and turning the kitchen light off. 

____________

John woke up and immediately checked his watch, seven thirty. He turned over and Clara was still out cold. The one problem was that her arm was slung over his back as she was nestled into the duvet. So much for him being the duvet thief. As he gently eased Clara’s arm under a pillow she let out a soft murmur, John stroked her hair until she seemed to settle again. He had plans for this morning and they were all riding on Clara hopefully not waking up anytime soon. 

 

Padding through the hallway John saw the Living room completely empty for the first time ever, it felt strange being the only person awake in her flat. A comforting feeling washed over him when he realised that he felt comfortable here. John fidgeted with the coffee machine for five minutes, he had no clue why all of Clara’s kitchen equipment was so complicated. Reaching for the bags he had left in the hallway last nigh John pulled out, Balloons, Streamers and all the ingredients to make a red velvet cake. John decided to set up the cake making first so Ellie could help eventually. Clara had thankfully told him she got up around eight on the weekends so John didn't have long to wait. Blowing up pink and gold balloons, he tied them off and littered them around the flat. Streamers were hung over doorways and a massive birthday girl banner was blue-tacked to Clara’s bedroom door. John took a step back towards the front door to admire his creation. “It isn’t perfect” He said “But she’ll like it”. 

 

The door at the end of the hallway opened and Ellie crept out, in her dressing gown and clutching her bunny. ‘Hi John” She said “Can we make cake?”. 

“Ive got the ingredients’ He said, waving her over “Will we start?”. Ellie nodded and walked over to the kitchen. “Let’s go” She said, rolling up her sleeves. 

 

“We need two hundred grams of flour” John whispered, handing the full bowl to Ellie. She poured the white powder in with concentration, tongue sticking out in concentration. “Do I get to mix it?” She asked. 

“Of course” John said “But gently, remember we're being sneaky. Mummy’s still asleep”. Ellie reached for the red food colouring on the counter. “Is this magic?” She said, eyes widening. 

“Special magic,” John said. He braced himself as Ellie poured it in, preparing to clean a massive red stain out of Clara’s kitchen. She miraculously got it in with minimal spillage, the odd drop here and there but nothing that would require serious cleaning. 

“What now?” Ellie asked.

”We put it in the oven to cook and then we wait”. 

“When we wait can I show you my bunny?”

”I’d love that” John said, allowing Ellie to lead him towards the couch. 

 

John was trying to work out when Clara would wake up. It was nearly ten and he knew she could potentially sleep the whole day. That was a minor problem as they were planning to go out at three. The morning was getting lighter and the cold had practically disappeared. John found the wrapped parcels he had at the bottom of a carrier bag, hopefully inconspicuous. He spent all of the night before hoping that Clara wouldn't go into that bag and find them. Setting them on the kitchen table John made sure he hadn’t forgotten any. Clara had said she didn't want a bag birthday but John figured she deserved a few presents. 

“Do you like my card?” Ellie asked, running into the living room. “I made it”. She held up a piece fo paper with two figures drawn on it. Under a rainbow with what looked like a cat-or some sort of unicorn—John couldn’t really tell. 

“That looks great Ellie, she will love it”. Ellie looked extremely proud of herself. The room silenced for a minute and John could hear rustling from inside Clara's bedroom. John grabbed the tray of breakfast and motioned for Ellie to grab the presents. She filled her little arms, dropping a few but scrambling to pick them up. “Quick, quick” John said as he opened the door ushering Ellie in.

 They found Clara sitting up in bed, the duvet settled around her and her hair was brushed back from her face. “Happy birthday,” Ellie shouted, jumping into bed. 

“Thank you” Clara said, pulling Ellie up onto her knee and giving her a kiss.

”Happy birthday love” John said, handing Clara the tray and leaning down to give her a kiss. 

“Ohhh, breakfast thank you” Clara said as she took a sip of tea. 

‘There's cake in the oven,” Ellie giggled.

”Wow cake really?“ Clara said. 

“I supervised” John said “But Ellie did all the baking”. 

“I did the stirring,” Ellie said proudly. She turned to pile she had abandoned. “These are for you”. She said, passing some of the piles to Clara. John noticed one was missing, Ellie had probably dropped it on the way in. He went into the hall and picked up the smallest parcel. 

“Am I allowed to open these?” Clara asked John. 

“Fire away’ John said, taking a seat at the edge of the bed. The Clara started to open her presents. John was a pretty terrible shopper but he had put a lot of thought into these. Clara opened some new pyjamas, a book set she had mentioned wanting to read, a fluffy blanket and then John realised he was still holding one. Ellie gave Clara her card and said “You’re the best Mummy, Even when you say bad words”. 

“I do not say bad words” Clara giggled. 

“Yes you do!” Ellie said. John passed Clara the small box he had been holding in his hand. Clara ripped the paper and gently pried the lid off. She saw a small silver necklace with two circles, one with a yellow stone shaped as a star and the other a pink heart. “Thank you John” Clara said “It’s gorgeous”. 

“Look on the back,” John prompted. Clara looked at the back of the circles and read the engravings. The star read Clara and the heart read Ellie. “Oh my” Clara's voice caught in her throat as her eyes started to water. She moved and wrapped her arms around John, he held her back until she wiped her eyes and moved her hair to the side, gently clipping it around her neck and letting it fall onto her chest. 

____________

Clara jumped in the shower. John was getting changed and Ellie was playing in the living room. She let her hair get soaked and then started to wash it. Amy and Rory were coming in just over an hour. John had made some sort of lunch plans but Clara had been kept in the dark about. She felt strange letting someone else do the planning but she knew she trusted John and she wanted nothing more than to spend the day surrounded by her favourite people. Getting out of the shower and wrapping her hair in a towel. She found John dressed and doing up his shirt. “What kind of dress code am I going for?”. 

“Anything you like” John said. 

“Not helpful” Clara laughed, opening era wardrobe she pulled out a white blouse and blue skirt. “Do you think this will look ok?” She asked, holding it up for John to see. 

“I think you would look great in anything,” he said. 

“Aww Charmer” She said, spinning round and pointing at him.

“Guilty,” John said as he slipped on his shoes. As Clara finally wrestled her tights on Ellie came running in the room. “Oh you need to get dressed”. She ran an grabbed Ellie's clothes and quickly got them on her. Clara finished getting ready in record time. Her and Ellie walked into the kitchen, looking more organised than they were. They found John icing the cake from earlier, sticking a knife in the tub of icing and trying desperately to smooth it. “Something tells me you are not a regular baker” Clara said, taking in Johns stressed expression. 

“How did you guess” He laughed, washing his hands. 

 

The door swung open and Amy and Rory walked in. She jumped slightly at the sight of everyone standing in the kitchen. “I thought you weren’t going to be there” She said once Clara had started laughing at her. 

“Hi, happy birthday” Rory said as he pulled Clara in for a hug. 

“Thanks Rory” She said “Over your fright now Amy?”. 

“Yes thank you” Amy said as she hugged Clara and handed her a gift bag. ‘For you”

“Why thank you” Clara said. 

“What time do we need to go?” Amy asked John who was now shoving the cake in the fridge and manically washing knives. 

“Right about now” He said “Sorry I’ll be two seconds”. 

“I made the cake” Ellie said proudly. 

‘It looks great” Rory said as he gave her a hug. 

“Shall we head?” Amy said as she took Ellie’s hand. Rory followed and Clara locked the door. John hanging back slightly with her. “Good birthday so far?” He asked with his hand on the small of her back. 

“The best, thank you” She said before kissing him. 

The restaurant was small and cozy. The five of them sat in a quiet corner and spent the time talking, laughing and eating as much food as they could handle. Clara was impressed when Ellie miraculously decided to try everything she could. The usually picky girl was sneaking bites of John's food and nicking Amy’s starter. “How’s your food?’ Amy asked Clara. 

“Great” She said through mouthfuls. “And I have cake waiting at home”. 

“Wil Rory and I be getting a slice?’ Amy asked playfully. 

“Oh of course” Clara said “I have to share John and Ellie's baking skills”. 

Back at Clara’s flat John brought the cake out of the fridge and pulled out the three and zero candle. Lighting them, Ellie kept Clara distracted so he could bring it over. “Make a wish Mummy” Ellie whispered as Clara blew the candle out. But Clara knew she didn't need to make one because right here right know was more than she could ever wish for.

 

 

Chapter 23

Clara felt the shift in the air deep in her bones. December had rolled in and she felt like no amount of blankets would ever be enough. Especially on the nights John didn’t stay over, the lack of extra body heat left her shivering. Sitting at the kitchen table late at night Clara was poured over her calendar. Trying to organise her schedule. Most of the year was busy but Christmas time brought with it so many new events. Ellie had her nursery nativity, They were planning to spend Christmas at Clara’s Dad’s and of course there was the copious amount of shopping Clara needed to do. She groaned and took another sip of tea-it had gone cold about an hour ago but Clara couldn’t be bothered to get up to warm it. After contemplating where she needed to be when her phone started to ring in the living room.

 She found it down the side of the couch cushions. Peeking at the name before answering Clara smiled and answered with a small “Hello handsome”. 

“Nice to hear your voice” John said, Clara could practically hear the smile in his voice. “How are you?”. 

“Christmas is kicking me in the ass,” Clara laughed. “I seem to have not enough time to do everything”

“Can’t say I envy you.” 

“But, I’m glad you called. There are some things I need to run by you.”

“Straight to the point” John laughed “Fire away.”

“So, we usually go to my Dad’s on Christmas- but i was wondering if you were wanting to come over on Boxing Day?. Amy and Rory would be there as well. If you have plans I completely get it.”

“That sounds great. I’m absolutely free.”

“Perfect” Clara said with a smile “And. Ellie has a nativity on the sixteenth and she specially requested you to come.”

“Really?” John said, voice catching in his throat “I’m Honoured. I’d love to.”

“Well then, our very own Angel number two will be extremely happy.” Clara said with a yawn.

“I’ll let you get to bed. See you soon, Love.”

“Goodnight” Clara sighed contently, As she flicked the light off and collapsed on her bed. However, her thoughts did not let her sleep easily. She couldn’t help but feel everything that was happening for her was far too good to be true. She had always coped fine with Ellie. They found all the happiness they needed in their shared moments- But now something felt different, With John to lean on it was like a significant weight had been lifted off her shoulders. A person who wanted to spend time with her despite all the baggage she brought with her. It felt incredible. Clara had been living on constant high alert in the early days as it felt like a ticking time bomb for something bad to happen.

Whatever happened with John, if this was too good to be true that her true soulmate was sleeping down the hall. the little girl in the princess pyjamas 

____________

Clara could feel the streets closing in on her. She knew Christmas shopping in mid December was not ideal, but to her nothing could beat that busy feeling. The one where your arms ache from bags and feet hurt from walking. But the inner satisfaction of being completely ready was better than anything. 

Darting in and out of shops, Clara picked up presents for everyone. There were a few she had ordered in advance but the majority she was hoping to go home with tonight. Clara seemed to have to hold herself back from buying too much for Ellie. She was guilty of buying her too much at holidays-but she saved up all year for it and she knew that Ellie deserved it. Clara had never understood why her parents never held the same joy she did on Christmas morning. She never realised it was because the bill for being Santa was impressively expensive. Clara had learnt that the hard way. Thankfully Ellie didn’t grasp the concept of a Christmas list until last year. And four year olds didn’t think to ask for IPads. 

Clara checked off Ellie’s name on her list. There was only one person she had left. John. She had hesitated to get anything earlier but she had added him to her list after they spent her birthday together. Clara quickly stumbled over a problem. She knew the generic gifts to buy men like her Dad but what on earth was she to give John. She knew it would have to be special, Ideas ran through her head at a million miles an hour. Once Clara thought she was all finished she realised that she wasn’t actually that far from St Luke’s. She took a rough guess and estimated that John would probably be there. A quick visit she took two weeks ago meant that she could vaguely remember the way to his office. 

Walking inside the massive front door. The day had gotten colder and Clara was grateful to be going inside finally. manoeuvring her way though the endless maze of corridors, Clara could’ve sworn she knew how to get to him. After what had felt lik an eternity of walking and checking name plates outside of doors. She finally stumbled upon a familiar door that read- John Smith. Clara could see him sitting at his desk typing on a worn out laptop. She slipped inside and John didn’t look up “Knock, Knock” She laughed as she set her bags down in the corner of the room. 

Inside, the room was small but lived-in. The walls were lined with bookshelves, crowded with old paperbacks, faded hardcovers, and thick academic journals with post-it notes peeking from their pages like bookmarks left in a hurry. A sturdy but slightly battered desk sat by the window, its surface scattered with student essays, a half-empty mug of coffee, and a mismatched collection of pens in an old ceramic cup. There was a photo frame just off-centre. Not facing outward, more for him than anyone else  showing a younger version of him with a woman and a beaming teenage boy. And there was John, sitting in the middle of his organised chaos. Glasses on, shirt sleeves rolled up. Clearly deep in thought over a student's essay, He looked up as she spoke joy falling across his face. “Clara,” He said, getting up from his desk. “How come you're here?”

“Shopping” She said gesturing to the bags in the corner “No peeking okay?”

“I wouldn’t dare,” John said, resting his hand on her back. 

“Good,” She murmured, turning to face John. She stood on the tips of her feet and leant in to kiss him. She leaned into him, hands gripping at his shirt, and he kissed her like he meant it-like he’d been meaning to for a while now. Behind them, the wind ruffled the edge of a forgotten paper on his desk, and the world outside the office kept moving. Her hand brushing against his chest, his thumb resting at her jaw. Clara could have stayed in the moment forever.

 Her thoughts were interrupted by the door swinging open and a high pitched “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” They turned around and Clara saw a young woman standing in the doorway. She had a thick jacket on and a bright yellow bag with pins littered about. ”Again” She said, holding her hands up “My fault sorry.” She slowly backed out of the door.

“Bill, wait!” John called, his voice somewhere between mortified and exasperated. Clara had pulled back, clearly stifling laughter, her hand still resting on his chest. “Brilliant,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. Bill peeked her head back in with a sheepish grin. “That was not on the syllabus.” He sighed. Clara snorted. “I don’t think I’m a module, but thanks.” John sighed and gestured for her to come in properly. “Bill, this is Clara. Clara, this is Bill-one of my brightest students. Apparently also one of the sneakiest.”

“Nice to meet you,” Clara said, half-laughing, half-horrified.

 “You too, I’ve heard lots about you” Bill said, crossing her arms. “So… do I pretend I didn’t see that, or are you gonna owe me a distinction now?” John groaned, and Clara just leaned into him slightly, smiling like this wasn’t even the most awkward thing that had happened to her this week. “You’re never going to live this down,” Bill added, turning for the door. “I’ll just say-office hours are getting wild.”

Once the door had shut once more and Clara had stoped hysterically laughing John said. “So you’ve met Bill I guess, Not in the most ideal way.” 

“She seems nice,” Clara giggled.

”Are you going to keep laughing at this?” John asked. 

“Absolutely, Is she the one that you tutor?”. 

“Yep. She waltzes in here every Tuesday night.”

“That’s sweet,” Clara said. 

“Not any more.” 

“I suppose not,” Clara said, stifling laughter. 

____________

“Stupid thing” Clara said, with a needle in her mouth. She had been sewing Ellie's angel costume for hours. Each attempt seemed to be less successful than the last. Her fingers felt as though they had holes in them with the amount of time she had stabbed herself. A pair of half completed wings were lying on the kitchen table-feathers stuck on one side and wonky elastic straps lying beside it. “Why can’t I” She said, as the sleeve came unattached once more. Ellie came running up to the table. Eyes wide at the sight of her costume. “Is that mine?” She asked, jumping up and down. 

“It will be once I get this sleeve on,” Clara said, squinting at the needle she was trying to thread. 

“Can I wear it?” 

“In two seconds mouse” Clara finally got the sleeve semi-attached and held it up to the dim light coming in through the window. “Do you like it?” She showed Ellie the small white dress with silver sleeves and rows of lace running across the bodice, frills at the bottom of the skirt and a makeshift halo to match. 

“It’s pretty,” Ellie nodded.

”Alright” Clara sighed “Hands up.” Ellie complied and stuck her tiny arms above her head, Clara eased it over and let it hang to her knees. ”Go look in the mirror.” Clara encouraged as she tapped Ellie on the shoulder.  As Ellie ran back with a smile and thumbs up Clara felt a swell of pride in her chest, She’d done it. “Come on” She said “Let’s do your lines one more time.”

The rain had finally stopped. Clara was sure it was some sort of omen. She was not interested in getting Ellie in her costume from the car to the nursery while getting soaked. She dropped her off inside and went back to her car to wait for John. She knew that he was coming as soon as he finished work. Getting back inside the driver's door to desperately try and warm up. Shivering and pulling her gloves over her fingers Clara grabbed her phone with shaking hands out of her bag. There was a text message from John ten minutes ago. 

John: leaving now. I’ll see you both soon xx

Clara: She’s in just now. I’m sitting in the car. See ya xx

John walked quickly out of the Uni doors, He was a little later than he intended to be. He had cancelled all the afternoon classes he was due to teach. John knew that the students wouldn’t really care, especially this close to Christmas. John knew what he had was special and Ellie asking for him to come felt like the best Christmas present ever. John knew that Clara had been Christmas shopping when she dropped by earlier in the week, He had decided to allocate an evening to attempt to buy presents. John was a helpless shopper, He hated it-Christmas had always been amazon’s problem. This year felt slightly different, the people he was spending it with were worth going out of his comfort zone for. 

The dull afternoon held a gentle chill. Clara felt herself freezing slowly in the car. She was brought out of her frostbite nightmare by seeing John turn round the corner. Clara turned the engine off and grabbed her bag. “How was work?” She asked, giving John a kiss. 

“Not bad” he said “But this is better.”

“Glad you think so,” Clara laughed. 

“Is Ellie alright?” John asked. 

“She’s nervous” Clara started “But she’s also excited”.  

“Well what are we waiting for?”  John said as they turned toward the building. 

 

“Did you like it?” Ellie asked nervously as Clara carried her back to the car, John close behind. 

“You were so good” Clara assured “It was great”. Ellie smiled and turned her head back to John for assurance. “Loved it” He said with a thumbs up. Ellie nodded enthusiastically, pleased with herself. 

“One thing” Clara started, turning to John as they got into the car. Ellie was strapped in her seat, legs swinging happily and singing to herself. “I’ve got a work Christmas lunch soon and I would have asked Amy but obviously she’ll be there” Clara felt herself rambling and straying further from her question. 

“Woah Clara” John said, hand out in front of her “Breathe.”

“Sorry” She grimaced. “What I meant to ask was, Would you be okay with Ellie alone for like a few hours or so?”

”If that’s something you will be fine with I’m more than up for that.”

“Great, thank you.”She said, beaming. 

____________

Clara woke up before the sun had risen properly, the dull blue haze of morning slipping through the edges of the curtains, but before she could even shift beneath the duvet there was the small unmistakable sound of tiny feet padding across the floorboards. A second later Ellie appeared beside the bed, cheeks pink, eyes wide, hair tangled from sleep. “Mummy, Mummy. It’s Christmas,” she whisper-shouted. Clara groaned softly, reaching for her phone to check the time-it was barely half past six. But Ellie was already bouncing, grabbing at the duvet and trying to climb in beside her. “Has Santa been?” She asked urgently, crawling under the blanket and burrowing into Clara’s side like a small determined squirrel. Clara wrapped her arm around her daughter, pulling her close. “I don't know” She said, voice still thick with sleep “Maybe he got stuck in traffic.” 

Ellie giggled squirming. “No he had reindeer! They fly!” 

Clara smiled, eyes still closed. “Oh right silly me.” Ellie was far too wriggly to be contained, popping upright again and bouncing on her knees. “Can we check? Please? I've been so good. I didn’t even push Milo at nursery when he stole my glitter glue.” Clara cracked an eye open, smiled “What a saint you are” Ellie beamed proudly. “I also tidied my toys”.

“After I asked you twelve times.”

”But it did it” Ellie insisted, hopping off the bed, already halfway to the door. “Come on Mummy.”

Clara sighed dramatically but swung her legs out of bed, reaching for her dressing gown as Ellie danced in place like a puppy desperate to be let out. The living room was chilly, Clara winced as her feet hit the freezing cold floor. But Ellie didn’t seem to notice, gasping in joy at the sight of the twinkling tree and the small pile of presents beneath it. “He came! He came!” She squealed, rushing over. "Wait” Clara said “Let me get a coffee or I won't survive this.” Ellie was already crouched beside the tree, touching each gift like she was performing a sacred ritual, whispering “This one has my name” And “Oh, I think this one's socks but i’ll still say thank you”. Clara appeared moments later with a steaming mug, settling on the sofa as Ellie dragged a present into her lap, legs crossed, pyjamas bunched around her knees. “Can I open one now?”

”You can open two, then breakfast. Then we'll do the rest.”

“Two, that's so many.” Ellie's fingers were already working on the paper, her tongue poking out in concentration as she tried not to rip it. The first was a book Clara had picked about a little girl who wanted to be an astronaut. Ellie gasped as if it were a unicorn. The second was a set of animal figurines. Clara got a full commentary as each one emerged “A giraffe, Mummy look how tall it is. And the lion’s not even scary, see? He’s smiling.” Clara sipped her coffee, watching the quiet warmth as her daughter chattered away, cheeks flushed, the fairy lights casting little stars across her face.

 Clara thought for a moment, about past Christmases. She seemed to have a compilation of her worst. The one after Ellie was born was horrendous, The one after they’d lost her Mum was hard. And of course every Christmas that she had been hungover. Ellie climbed up beside her, holding the giraffe in one hand and leaning against Clara’s shoulder “can we have pancakes?”

”Yes, but you’re helping. That’s the price of syrup.” Ellie jumped off the sofa and raced toward the kitchen “l’ll get the frying pan.”

____________

“Gran!” Ellie shouted as soon as the front door opened, launching herself forward like a missile.

Clara winced slightly as the small child barrelled into her stepmother’s legs, but Linda was already laughing, bending down to wrap Ellie in a tight hug.

“There’s my little Christmas cracker,” Linda grinned. “Come in, you’ll let all the heat out.”

“Merry Christmas,” Clara said, stepping inside, balancing the tin of roast potatoes she’d promised to bring.

“Merry Christmas, love,” Linda said, straightening up and kissing Clara on the cheek. “Go through, your dad’s got the fire going. Ellie, go show him your dress.”

”Is Ben not coming?” Clara asked as she surveyed the shoes on the hall floor

Ellie didn’t need telling twice. She bolted into the living room, shouting, “Grandad! Look, I have sparkles!”

Clara followed at a slower pace, slipping off her boots in the hall. She could already hear her dad’s voice from the living room.

“Blimey, who’s this grown-up girl in sequins? That can’t be my Ellie.”

“It is me!” Ellie cried. “Mummy curled my hair. And look at my shoes, they’re gold!”

“Oh, you look lovely, darling,” Clara’s dad said, standing from his armchair to give her a hug.

Clara appeared in the doorway, the potatoes still warm in her hands.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Hi, love,” he said, pulling her into a quick hug with one arm. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Tired. But alright.”

Linda came in behind her, wiping her hands on a Christmas tea towel. “Come on, let’s get things sorted in the kitchen. Dinner won’t cook itself.”

Ellie spun in a circle in the middle of the rug. “Can I help?”

“You can help me set the table,” Clara said.

“I can carry the napkins!”

“And you can hand out the crackers,” Linda added.

Clara followed them into the kitchen, her dad trailing behind.

“She’s in good form,” he said quietly.

“Yeah,” Clara nodded. “She’s been so excited.”

Her dad studied her face. “You look… tired.”

“I am. It’s been a long term,” she said quickly, brushing it off.

He nodded. “You need someone looking after you too, you know.”

Clara opened the drawer for cutlery. “I manage.” She said with a smile. Turning away so her Dad wouldn’t catch her giggle.

Ellie was already at the table, placing the Christmas napkins one at each seat, tongue sticking out slightly with concentration.

“Are we pulling crackers before or after the food?” she asked.

“After,” Clara said. “So you don’t get glitter in your roast.”

“But the hats are funny,” Ellie pouted.

“You can wear yours, just don’t get it in the gravy,” her grandad chuckled.

They all sat down half an hour later, plates full and Ellie bouncing in her seat.

“Did Santa bring you everything you asked for?” Clara’s dad asked her.

“Everything and jelly beans,” Ellie said proudly.

“Lucky girl.”

“I gave Mummy her present this morning. It was socks with cats.”

Clara laughed. “The fanciest socks I’ve ever owned.”

“You deserve it,” Ellie said, picking up a roast potato with her fingers.

“Fork, please,” Clara said automatically.

Ellie gave her a cheeky smile and picked up her fork.

Linda raised her glass. “To family.”

“To family,” Clara echoed.

“To family!” Ellie chirped.

Clara glanced down the table. Ellie, beaming, cheeks flushed. Her dad, content. Linda, already topping up wine. And for a second, it all felt still. Simple. Safe.

But somewhere in her chest was a quiet weight. She hadn’t mentioned John. Hadn’t said anything at all.

Later, after the washing up, as Ellie showed her grandad her new books, Linda nudged Clara gently.

“You alright, love?”

“Yeah,” Clara said again. But her fingers toyed with her bracelet. And her mind-just for a moment-drifted to someone who didn’t know where she was today. Someone who might’ve asked. Who might’ve come next year. If she ever said the words.

____________

Boxing Day started slowly. Ellie was curled up in a nest of blankets on the sofa, watching a slightly-too-loud cartoon and eating toast cut into stars. Clara was still in pyjama bottoms and a jumper she wasn’t entirely sure she hadn’t slept in, hair vaguely brushed, eyeliner from Christmas Day smudged in a way she was pretending was intentional. She’d tidied most of the wrapping paper carnage and dumped leftovers into Tupperware, but the house still looked like it had been mildly ransacked by festive gremlins.

At precisely eleven forty-three, the doorbell rang.

Clara barely had time to call, “Ellie, door!” before the four-year-old had scrambled off the sofa, her fluffy socks sliding on the hardwood floor. She peeked through the keyhole-her new favourite hobby-and then tugged the door open with both hands.

John stood on the step, arms full a gift bag, a tin of biscuits, and what looked like a bottle of wine sticking out of his coat pocket. But he barely had time to speak before Ellie launched herself forward, arms tight around his middle.

He froze for a moment, clearly surprised, and then dropped to his knees and hugged her back carefully. “Morning, Miss Ellie,” he said softly.

“Hi,” she mumbled into his coat. “You came.”

“I did.” He looked up at Clara, and his smile was warm in a way that made her chest tighten.

“You want to come in, or…?” she teased, leaning against the doorframe.

“Depends. Are there leftovers involved?”

“Unfortunately for you, I’m making a non-Christmas lunch. Pizza and salad. Deal with it.”

“Perfect,” he grinned, stepping inside. “Turkey is dead to me.”

Ellie held his hand tightly as they moved into the living room. Clara ducked into the kitchen to check on the food, leaving them to their own little conversation—Ellie proudly showing John one of her new books and asking if he liked jellybeans because she got a whole bag. When Clara came back with drinks, they were sitting cross-legged on the floor going through her sticker collection.

Clara handed him a neatly wrapped box inside was a thick, soft jumper in charcoal grey, and a tiny envelope tucked into the collar. He opened it slowly, revealing a photo of Clara and Ellie at the farm park, both smiling into the sunlight. On the back she’d written, “This one’s my favourite.”

His gift to her was a scarf, warm and soft in a deep plum colour and a little box she didn’t open until later, which turned out to be a pair of earrings: tiny gold stars.

“They’re just you,” he’d said simply.

Amy and Rory arrived a bit after one, Amy storming in with a bag of fancy crackers and Rory carrying a board game under one arm. “We are not,” Amy said firmly, “eating leftovers.”

“No danger of that,” Clara said, waving her spoon. “I made Pizza.”

“Gasp,” Amy said dramatically. “Are you cheating on Christmas?”

“With carbs and cheese. Absolutely.”

Lunch was chaos: Ellie demanded to sit between Amy and John, declared the salad “too green,” and insisted they all wear their cracker hats, even Rory’s, which was torn and slightly too small. Amy spilled water. Clara burned the garlic bread slightly. Someone, probably John, accidentally put a Taylor Swift playlist on shuffle in the background. But it was good. Messy, warm, and full of laughter.

Amy was already halfway through her second helping of pizza when she launched into a story with her mouth still half full. “So—so, Clara, do you remember that time you tried to teach drama for the day because Mrs. Blake was off sick?”

Clara groaned. “Please no.”

John raised an eyebrow. “I need to hear this.”

“She started a trust-fall exercise with Year Nines,” Rory chimed in. “In the hall. No mats.”

“It was going so well until one of them flinched and smacked his head on the stage,” Amy finished, dramatically dropping her fork for effect.

Clara held her hands up. “Okay, first of all, no one smacked their head. He gently collided with the corner of the stage.”

“Gently collided,” Rory repeated, snorting into his glass. “That boy had a bump the size of a satsuma.”

“Don’t worry, I wrote her up for it,” Amy said sweetly, nudging Clara’s arm.

“I’m going to revoke your auntie privileges,” Clara warned with a laugh.

John looked far too delighted. “So this is what I’ve been missing by not working in schools.”

“Oh, don’t even start,” Clara said. “Weren’t you the one who got locked out of your own classroom on your second week at the university?”

“I did,” he said, with theatrical shame. “I left the keys in my jacket pocket… which I gave to a student who said he was cold.”

Rory grinned. “Did he give them back?”

“No. I found him two hours later asleep in the library. With my jacket as a pillow.”

“Students,” Clara sighed. “Basically toddlers with dissertations.”

“Exactly,” John said. “That’s why I prefer Ellie.”

Ellie, who had been balancing a piece of garlic bread on her cup and giggling to herself, looked up and grinned. “I’m not a toddler. I’m nearly five.”

“My apologies,” John said solemnly. “A sophisticated young lady.”

“She’s going to ask you to help with her castle set after dinner,” Clara murmured to him. “She’s very serious about the royal family of plastic ponies.”

“I’m honoured,” John said, glancing down at Ellie with a conspiratorial smile.

Amy tilted her head thoughtfully. “Clara, have you ever told John Ellie’s breadstick story?”

Clara nearly choked. “Amy. No.”

“Breadstick?” John asked, immediately intrigued. “Do I need to know this?”

Ellie, now on Clara’s lap and wiping tomato sauce from her chin with the sleeve of her dress, looked up innocently. “Did I eat it?”

“Oh, you didn’t just eat it,” Clara said, shaking her head with mock weariness. “You threw it. At a priest.”

John blinked. “I-sorry. Come again?”

Clara sighed, already laughing. “She was about one and a half, we were at this really lovely christening lunch. I was trying to keep her quiet during the speeches. She was teething and grumpy, so I gave her a breadstick to chew on.”

“She stared at this poor man, the loveliest old priest, by the way,” Amy added, holding up a finger.

“And just launched it at him,” Clara finished. “Straight to the chest. He looked absolutely horrified.”

“It bounced off his robes,” Amy said, wiping her eyes. “And she cheered. Little arms in the air. So proud.”

“She waved,” Clara said. “Like a queen on a float. I apologised profusely but he just looked at me and said, ‘Well, I suppose it’s not the worst thing I’ve been hit with.’”

Everyone burst into laughter. Ellie, sensing she was somehow the star of the story, beamed. “I like breadsticks.”

“You loved them,” Clara said. “You were practically raised on breadsticks and Ella Fitzgerald.”

“She had very refined tastes,” Amy said proudly.

“Until she tried to drink bath water out of a shampoo lid,” Clara muttered.

John was practically doubled over now. “I feel like I’m only just scratching the surface of your chaos.”

“Oh,” Clara said, eyes twinkling. “You have no idea.”

After lunch came games. Rory tried to teach Ellie dominos, which devolved into tower-building. Amy and Clara ganged up on John in a game of charades. Ellie made everyone play “guess what animal I am,” which no one could win because the answer was always unicorn, even when she was crawling like a tortoise.

By the time the sun started to go down, Clara had changed into fresh pyjamas and pulled her hair into a bun. Ellie flopped across Amy’s lap, still clutching her favourite toy dinosaur. Clara caught John watching them all- this easy little bubble of love and noise and when he noticed her looking, he smiled. She smiled back.

Amy and Rory finally made moves to leave around six, after Rory yawned for the third time and Amy declared herself officially “too full to function.” Clara stood at the door, hugging them tightly, Ellie waving sleepily from the sofa.

“Happy not-Christmas,” Amy said as she pulled on her coat.

“Love you,” Clara said softly.

“Love you more,” Amy replied, kissing her cheek. “See you tomorrow.”

And then it was quiet.

Ellie had been asleep for nearly an hour, and the last trace of Amy and Rory’s laughter had faded with the click of the front door. Clara sat curled up on the couch, her legs tucked under her, wine glass in one hand. John was beside her, jacket off, sleeves rolled up, watching the fairy lights blink on the half-dressed tree Ellie had insisted on finishing herself.

“You alright?” he asked, nudging her knee gently with his.

Clara nodded. “Tired. Full. Vaguely regretting eating two slices of cake the size of my face.”

“You made five,” he pointed out. “The restraint was impressive.”

“I’m nothing if not restrained,” she said with a dry smile.

He laughed, then leaned forward to top up her glass. She watched him do it-the casualness of it, the comfort-and felt a soft sort of ache in her chest. Not the painful kind. The real kind.

There was a small gift box on the table. Clara glanced at it, then picked it up and handed it to him.

“Last one,” she said. “Promise.”

“Clara, you don’t have to”

“Just open it.”

He did. Slowly, of course. John was always careful like that. The box gave way to a single silver key, looped through a soft leather fob that had clearly been hers for a long time.

His brows lifted, just slightly.

“I thought that maybe,” she said, suddenly more nervous than she expected. “If you ever wanted to stop by, or let yourself in when you’re coming round. If I’m out doing nursery pickup or asleep at eight-thirty. Whatever.” She looked at him. “It’s not about pressure. It’s just-I want you here. More.”

He stared at the key. Then at her.

And Clara-heart already thumping like mad-said it.

“I love you.”

It wasn’t loud or dramatic or said with tears in her eyes. It just was. Truth dropped gently between them like something sacred. John didn’t answer at first. Not with words. He just reached for her hand, cradled it, kissed her knuckles like they were made of glass.

When he looked up, his eyes were shining. “You’ve got no idea what that means.”

“I think I do,” she said softly.

He shook his head, not to disagree but to clear it. “I love you too,” he said, finally. “You make me feel like I can breathe again. Like life’s full of colour again.”

“Oh no,” Clara said, mock-serious. “That’s dangerously romantic.”

“Too much?”

She grinned. “Just enough.”

They leaned into each other, his hand on her waist, her fingers brushing his jaw, lips brushing softly in a kiss that said everything else.

After a moment, they pulled back, still close, foreheads touching.

“You’re gonna lose the key aren’t you,” she murmured.

“I’ll make a copy,” he replied. “Two.”

“Good man.”

John snorted. “You’re impossible.”

“You love me.”

“I really, really do”.

Chapter 24

John had been sitting at his desk for hours. The sun had set around him and the room was now so cold he could see his own breath every time he let out a frustrated exhale. He had no clue if it was the weather or residual hangovers from new years but the essays he was struggling through marking came off as having been written by an illiterate dog. 

He was sure that Ellie could have done better. John heard the door swing open in front of him. Bill walked in happily, She seemed to be humming and there was a thick stack of envelopes in her right hand. “Doctor” She said, approaching his desk “One of these is yours-give me a minute.”She flicked through the stack of envelopes, muttering each name to herself. “Aha found it” Bill handed John a thin white envelope with his name in a bold font on the front. “Thanks. What’s it for?.”

“For some sort of Charity Gala, they've invited all of the professors. I think you may even have a plus one….” Bill teased.

 And she was right as John pried the invitation open and saw it read John Smith+guest. He knew that Bill was suggesting he should bring Clara, She seemed to be the obvious choice and John would love taking her to something like this. John just wasn’t sure how she would feel meeting all his coworkers as well as students. 

“What do you think?" Bill asked “Are you coming? And are you bringing Clara? So I can speak to her again without seeing her attached to your face first?”

“I’ll probably come. I will ask Clara if she wants to come too.”Bill nodded before she waved goodbye and walked again out of the door. 

John paced around his office for minutes on end. He had never been good with fancy events especially as he always had a plus one but never brought anyone with him. Going to something like this with Clara would hopefully be different, John was ultimately awkward in every conversation he held. Clara was charming and witty and she could have a conversation with a brick wall. And John would be lying if he said that deep down he was desperate to walk around a hall packed with people with Clara on his arm, She was insanely beautiful and way out of John’s league. 

“I bring donuts” John shouted as he let himself into Clara’s flat. The fairy lights on top of the fireplace glistened, illuminating the portraits sitting above them. Clara walked in from the hallway. “I’m not regretting giving you a key” She said, taking the bag out of his hand and standing on her tip-toes to give John a kiss. “The surprise is nice every time.”

“Glad I’m worth something,” John laughed. 

“Oh that and much more” Clara winked. John followed her and sat next to her on the living room sofa. “Where’s Ellie?” He asked, realising how quiet the flat was. 

“She got invited to a birthday party.” Clara said ‘I'll pick her up in an hour.”

“Speaking of parties” John said, pulling the envelope from earlier out of his coat pocket “I got this today.” Clara opened it cautiously and studied the contents. “And I was hoping. That you would be my plus one” John asked, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. 

“I’d love too” Clara smiled. 

“I’m honoured” John said “I need to warn you of a few things though.”

“Didn’t know a night out came with terms and conditions” Clara laughed. 

“It is black tie. Prepare to be interrogated by my bosses and the night may well end with drinks and music at my colleague Neil’s house. Him and his husband throw some sort of gathering after every single one of these events.”

”Still sounds fun” Clara said “I will need to do some shopping i think. Most of my fancy dresses are from pre Ellie.”

“You’ll look gorgeous in anything.”

“Suck up,” Clara said playfully. Clara grabbed her phone and fired a quick text to Amy. 

Clara : We’re going shopping tomorrow, Come round for five x

She knew it was vague and she should have provided more detail but Clara knew that Amy would turn up tomorrow, bags in hand and ready to do some serious spending. 

“Alright” Amy said, letting herself into Clara’s flat “What are we shopping for?”

“Hey Ames. John has a charity gala at work and I’ve been invited as his plus one. So I need a whole new fancy outfit.”

“Ohhh exciting,” Amy said. “Let’s go then. No time to waste.” Clara laughed and followed Amy out of the door, Ellie holding her hand. The drive over was slowed down significantly by the unexpected downpour of torrential rain. “I can hardly see.” Clara said as she tried to navigate. 

“Are you sure it has nothing to do with the fact you can barely see over the steering wheel?” Amy asked innocently. Clara gasped and shot Amy a look. 

Once they arrived at the shopping centre they all clambered out of the car and tried to get inside without being absolutely soaked. Ellie seemed to manage to stay the driest somehow with her shiny pink raincoat with the bunny ears on top. “I really need a coat like that” Amy said as she tried to wring out her hair. ‘I’m soaked.”

“Right. Let’s go” Clara said as she walked across the tiled floor, trying not to slip in her rain-soaked boots. 

“You’re certainly determined,” Amy said, rushing after her. 

“That one's nice” Amy said as Clara pulled back the dressing room curtain once again. 

“It is,” Clara said as she looked in the mirror. “I just think it fits weird.” She smoothed the dress over her hips again. “I know I obviously don't look the same as I did at twenty one.”

“I would go as far to say you look even hotter now” Amy piped up from the couch. 

“Everything sits strangely, nothing looks right. This is so tight I can hardly breathe.”

“Well I mean you did grow an entire human. But I will make it my mission that we leave with something you love.”

“I’m taking that promise okay?” Amy nodded and started flicking through rails and rails of dresses. She turned around a minute later with four dresses in her arms. “Just a few” She smiled. Clara diligently tried them all on in turn. Some were too tight. The colour was off on one. Another looked good apart from the random orange sash that ran across the middle. ”Okay” Amy said as she handed Clara the last dress. White with black polka dots, it nearly reached the floor and had small straps at the top.”This looks promising,” Clara smiled. She tugged the dress over her head and walked outside for hopefully the last time. “We have a winner," Amy said, taking in Clara’s expression. 

“I actually do really like this one. Ellie, what do you think?”

”You look like a princess,” Ellie said with a massive smile. 

“That is high praise” Amy said, ruffling Ellie’s hair. 

“Thank you Els” Clara turned around and gave Ellie a hug. After Clara slipped off the dress and paid, she did wince slightly when she tapped her card. 

Amy decided that a walk around the shops was what would benefit them all. 

“So. Big plans for Saturday then. How do you feel?” Amy asked.

“I’m a little excited I guess. But I’m quite nervous about being introduced to everyone that John works with.”

“Shut up! They’ll love you.”

“I can only hope,” Clara laughed. The sun had appeared for the first time in weeks. Sunlight came streaming in through every window making mid-January feel surprisingly warm. Clara felt she could hardly move because of how busy everywhere was. She had no clue that Tuesday evenings were when everyone liked to shop. They suddenly came to a toy shop. Clara had been daydreaming and had hardly realised when Ellie tugged on her coat and asked “Mummy please?”

“Go on then” she smiled, taking Ellie’s hand to stop her from running in any possible direction. Ellie gazed up wide eyed at the shelves, mentally taking in everything that was laid out in front of her. “Woah look at this” Amy said, pointing to a massive treehouse. 

“Amy, I swear you are like a big kid sometimes.” Clara laughed. 

“That’s the way I like it”. Ellie had found a big blue painted model train that was filled to the brim with every single type of cuddly toy.

“What have you found there sweetheart?”

“They’re soft,” Ellie smiled as she stroked the ear of a cuddly panda. “I like them.”

“Do you now,?” Ellie nodded. 

“What one do you like, Els?” Amy asked. Ellie pointed to the panda she had kept a grip on. “Give it here,” Amy said. “What’s the point of being your Auntie if I don’t get to spoil you.” Clara knew whatever she said in that moment would not deter Amy who was always buying Ellie random treats and gifts. 

____________

Clara knew how little time she had to get ready, but she couldn’t bring herself to move any faster. Her hair had been washed and dried, She had started on her makeup. The afternoon was going well and Clara would take her time to enjoy it. Ellie had been picked up by Amy about an hour ago and the night outside had begun to settle. The sun had set and the cold had drawn around the evening. Clara shivered slightly as she lifted a brush to her face, She wasn’t entirely sure if it was out of cold or nerves.

 Clara had barely finished her makeup when she decided that she was starving and was not going to survive the night without having eaten her own body weight in toast first. Grabbing bread from the cupboard and shoving it quickly in the toaster she sat at the kitchen table, drumming her fingers on top of her knees. The silence almost felt eerie. Clara wandered over to the tv and flicked on some music. Her perfectly curated playlist sounded out of the speakers first with Fleetwood Mac's Thrown Down. Dancing slightly as she wandered back to the kitchen, waiting for the toast to hurry up. 

John was getting ready quickly at his flat then coming over for a bit before they left. He had accurately predicted that Clara would take ten times longer than him to get ready, In giving her the time to do so he was setting them up for a much better night. Clara was snapped out of her daydream by the gentle pop of the toaster and the smell of warm toast filling the air. 

Finally Clara was ready, Her hair was done as well as makeup. Accessories lay strewn out on her bed. The dress hung from the doorframe, ready to be worn. Clara grabbed it and shimmied in the best she could, trying not to get any makeup on the white fabric. The second Clara had gotten it over her head and sitting at her shoulders she heard the door open. “Hi,” She said, coming out of the bedroom and finding herself face to face with John. Who had on a suit she had never seen before and carried a bunch of pink Lillies. “You look beautiful,” John said, giving Clara a kiss and handing her the flowers. 

“These are gorgeous, thank you,” Clara said. “You don’t clean up too bad yourself.”She ran quickly back into the bedroom to grab her bag and necklace, which was sitting abandoned on Clara’s vanity. “Sorry, I won't be long.”

“No bother” John laughed, sitting down on the couch. Clara rushed about in front of her mirror, ruffling her hair and touching up her lips. Tonight had a lot riding on it and if she looked her best maybe she could try and feel her best. 

“John” She said quietly, turning her head toward the living room, “Can you”. She turned her back to him and he gently gathered the sides of the dress between his fingers, His hands were warm against the skin of her spine. He didn’t move them straight away-just rested them there for a second, grounding her. 

“Are you okay?” He mumbled, voice low and close. 

She nodded “It’s silly. I know it fits, I've tried it on, it's just a bit more than I usually wear.”

John smiled softly, even though she couldn’t see it. "It's beautiful” he said “You’re beautiful.”

She let out a breath “Zip me in then before I change my mind.”

Carefully, he pulled the zip upward, the soft whir of teeth closing in a slow sound between them. As the fabric gently hugged Clara’s waist and back, he brushed one hand up her arm, resting it gently on her shoulder. 

“There” He said “Perfect.”

She turned her head just enough to glance at him ‘Thank you.”

“You really have no idea” He added, a little under his breath “How stunning you look, do you?”

Clara laughed, but it caught slightly. Half flustered-half flattered. ”Let’s go before I spill toast crumbs down myself.” She paused as she turned to leave, and reached for his hand for a moment. Just a quiet, steadying squeeze before the evening began. 

____________

The lights of the university’s grand hall glowed gold against the early evening sky, tall windows glittering like cut glass. Clara stepped out of the cab, heels clicking lightly against the stone steps, the hem of her dress arching slightly in the breeze. John stood beside her perfectly dressed in a navy suit, straightening his jacket with one hand and then automatically reaching for hers. She laced her fingers through his bat her grip was tight. “You alright?” he asked, watching her carefully as they walked slowly toward the entrance.

”I look overdressed” She muttered, eyeing a pair of women in sleek black gowns ahead of them. “Or underdressed. Or like I've borrowed something from someone thinner.”

“Clara,” John said quietly, pausing just shy of the door, “You look perfect.”

She glanced up, searching his face. “You don't have to say that.”

“I really don't. And I wouldn’t lie- Not about that.” 

Her breath trembled a little, and she gave a tiny nod “Sorry. Just this isn’t my world.”

He leaned in, brushing his lips gently to her temple. “You’re here with me. That’s all that matters.” Clara managed a small smile, still tights around the edges but steadier now. 

He opened the door for her and they stepped into the soft swell of conversation, the gentle clink of glasses, and the golden wash of chandeliers above. The room was full of people in evening wear, half the guests already holding drinks, name tags pinned to jackets. A string quartet played softly in the corner. Clara's eyes darted nervously around the room. She was trying to take in the sheer volume of people she may have to speak to. John's hand settled gently on the small of her back “let’s just get a drink first” he said lightly, guiding her toward the bar. But they didn’t quite make it before someone called out.

”John!” A man in his fifties, beard going grey, waved them over “You’ve finally brought someone.”

Clara froze slightly as they approached. John kept his voice calm, relaxed “Clara, this is Neil Dawkins-Head of history. Neil, this is Clara Oswald.”

Neil extended a hand warmly “Ah the elusive plus one. Very pleased to meet you. We’ve been wondering if John made you up.”

Clara shook his hand, laughing politely “Nope, real enough. Sorry to disappoint.”

“She’s a teacher,” John added, quiet pride in his voice. “Secondary-English and a bit of politics.” 

”Oho, One of the good ones” Neil said “Not scared off by teenagers then. That’s impressive. “I’ve been teaching long enough to know how to fake confidence,” Clara said, loosening up slightly. 

From then on it was a blur of names and greetings- a few professors Clara vaguely recognized from John's stories, others he hadn’t mentioned. They were curious, friendly and the whole time John never let go of her hand. Every so often he’d check on her with a glance, a a gentle squeeze of her fingers. And eventually when they stood to one side. With glasses of Prosecco and the buzz of introductions behind them, he leaned in to whisper “Told you they’d love you.”

Clara looked at him, eyes still a little wide, but softened now by relief “I didn’t humiliate myself did I?”

"You were brilliant” he said “ And you looked like a woman in complete control of the room.”

She smirked, sipping her drink, “I did not.”

“Well. I thought so” John said, brushing a strand of hair back behind her ear. “But then I am hopelessly biased.”

She tilted her head, “That part, I believe.”

He grinned and offered his hand again “Shall we mingle?”

Clara took it without hesitation. “Lead the way, professor.”

Clara excused herself for two seconds-To use the loo but also to breathe. She fixed her hair in the mirror and re-did the buckle of her shoe. She re-entered the softly lit event room, smoothing her hands down her dress one more time. The Prosecco had settled in her chest in a pleasant, fizzy way and she was starting to feel more like herself again. Still a little warm from the nerves but walking taller now. She found Jon standing near the bar, two glasses in hand-one clearly for her. When he saw her his face relaxed into a soft smile, and he passed her the drink without a word. “Thanks” She said, taking it gratefully. “Any chance you’ve found the exit strategy yet?”

“Maybe” John said, leaning in conspiratorially. “This is unbelievablely dull. And Neil has invited a few people back to his for drinks and slightly more exciting conversation.”

“Oh?”

”We don't have to if you don't want to. It’s kind of a tradition after these things, decompressing with worse wine and copious amounts of chocolate.”

”No, I'd like that” She interrupted gently “If they can handle me a few drinks deeper.”

“They’ll love you even more.”

“Bet you say that to all the girls.”

”Only the ones who can name three Shakespeare plays and hold a conversation about biscuits.” He teased. 

Clara laughed softly, her shoulder brushing his as they stood side by side “Just warn me if anyone starts asking me about my five year plan or what journals I publish in.”

____________

Clara had been glad of the escape the invitation granted her, She maybe hadn’t thought through the fact she was now going to have to speak to a handful of people in a more intimate setting. John had assured her constantly that she would be fine. The nerves had never seemed to calm since they left. 

“Ready?” John asked, leaning into her as they left the taxi. 

”Not too sure,” Clara whispered. 

They were greeted at the door by one of the professors that Clara recognized vaguely from earlier, She wasn’t sure if this one actually lived here. The walk to the living room felt like an eternity to Clara. Every step she took on the flor seemed to match her rapid heart rate. She was pleasantly surprised as they walked into a large room, painted a dark navy blue. Floor to ceiling bookshelves lined the room. Clara could recognize a few titles but many seemed to be academic journals. There was a large Maroon sofa against the far wall and many other armchairs as well as an emerald green chaise lounge. 

The thing that really caught Clara’s eye was the deep mahogany piano sitting in the far corner. That was the one thing she wished her flat had. Years of piano lessons had left her able to play many pieces without a moment's thought. Clara recognized some of the professors and their partners from the evening, sitting dotted around the room. All conversing in dim light. “You alright?” John said. 

“Yeah” She said softly “Just trying to look like someone who isn’t overthinking every single word she might say.”

“You’ve already met half of them. You’re a pro now.” He gave her hand a quick squeeze before they moved further into the room. Clara could smell something cooking in the kitchen as well as soft music wafting its way through the house. Neil stood in a soft navy jumper, waving a wooden spoon. Paul, his husband, stood nearby with a drink in one hand and an apron dusted with flour. “John!” Neil called when he saw them “And Clara, You came!” Clara smiled as she stepped further into the kitchen. Lovely to see you again.” Neil said, pulling Clara into a quick, warm hug. ”You survived the gala. You’re officially one of us.”

Paul grinned “He says that like it's a good thing.”

John smiled and gestured toward the open plan living space where voices floated in the air. “Come on, I’ll reintroduce you to anyone who was too wine soaked to remember.” Clara followed him into the living room, where Miriam and Jake. Who she actually did remember meeting were curled up on one of the sofas, nursing drinks. She waved at them, and they both perked up. “Clara,” Miriam said, scooting over to make space. “Glad you came.”

“You remember Miriam and Jake” John reminded gently, nodding toward a couple she hadn’t met at the gala. “That’s Elise and Sam-Elise’s one of our newer hires.” Clara shook hands and Elise leaned forward with a smile. "We've heard good things, John's glowing review mostly.”

“Which is rare,” Neil said, reappearing with a tray of drinks. “Usually he just complains about the printer.” Laughter broke out around the room, and Clara relaxed a little more with every passing second. 

“So Clara” Elise said, turning toward her as she topped up her glass ‘What do you do?”

“I’m a teacher,” Clara replied with a little smile. “Secondary school, English.” There was a chorus of impressed sounds all around the room. 

“Oh god” said Sam, who worked in finance. “That’s brave, Teenagers scare me.”

“They should,” Clara said with a laugh. “They’re hormonal and opinionated and always tired. But they’re not all bad. They make me laugh much more than they should.”

Neil raised an eyebrow “You like them?”

“ I Like the job” She said ‘And I like the challenge, they keep you on your toes.”

Elise leaned in a little. “Do you get a break from it at home at least?.”

Clara hesitated for half a second, then smiled. “Sort of. I have a four year old, so it's more chaos-just shorter and louder.”

“Oh” Elise said brightly ‘You’re a mum?”. 

Clara nodded. “Yep. Her name's Ellie. She’s small and fierce and currently obsessed with anything shaped like a cat.”

“I can vouch for that,” John said with a laugh. 

“I love that” Paul chimed in "You've got a classroom full of teens and a toddler at home”. 

Clara smirked “It’s a lot of coffee.”

There was gentle laughter and John sitting next to her, smiled like he couldn’t help it. He glanced down at her with something close to pride and when Clara glanced sideways her eyes softened. 

“Neil” Clara said once the night had descended into friendly chatter “I noticed your piano earlier, It’s gorgeous”. 

“Ah, thank you. It was an antique find a few years ago” He said with pride “Do you play?”

“I did for ten or so years. I loved it.” John heard Clara speaking and turned around ‘You never mentioned” He said, draping his arm over her shoulder. 

“Isn’t it nice I can still surprise you.” Clara laughed. 

“Well Clara if you’re up for it, you are more than welcome to give ours a try.”

”I wouldn’t want to-” Clara said, as Neil started to gently lead her over to the piano. Opening the lid and pulling out the seat. “Be warned. I haven’t played properly in years.”!She sat down carefully, smoothing the skirt of her dress beneath her as she settled on the bench. Her fingers hovered for a moment over the keys, almost uncertain. Then she placed them down with a grace so natural it startled him. As if she'd been waiting for this-waiting to return to this. And then she played. Not a timid rusty melody, not a few scattered noted. But something rich, romantic, aching and whole. He didn’t know the piece-something classical maybe or modern disguised as old but it swelled with emotion and nuance, and Clara played as though she lived inside it. Like the music was a language her body still remembered fluently. 

Her eyes stayed mostly down, watching her hands, but there was a softness in her expression that John hadn’t quite seen before. Something childlike or maybe just honest. When she finished the last note lingering like breath in the air, she looked up. Almost startled by the applause. Someone called out something half joking about concertos and secret lives. But John couldn’t quite bring himself to speak. She looked across he room,caught his eye. And in that glance, In the tiny private smile she gave him John felt something warm and steady bloom in his chest. A kind of Awe. A kind of certainty. He didn't say a word, not then. But he thought: God, you’re extraordinary.

 

Chapter 25

Clara had gotten home from work utterly drained, there seemed to have been something in the air that made all her students practically unresponsive. Her one godsend for most of the night was that her Dad had picked Ellie up from nursery. Leaving Clara with the majority of her evening free- the urge to put her pyjamas on and collapse on the couch was overwhelming but Clara knew that the flat wouldn’t clean itself and she had been procrastinating for days. She switched some music on and tried to encourage herself to actually get on with it.

The sun started to set outside and the flat seemed to get dimmer and dimmer, Clara hadn’t realised just how long she had been going for. Every surface in the flat was glistening and Clara could feel the day catching up to her. The dizziness caught Clara off guard, she quickly sat down before she ended up on the floor. She sat and tried to catch her breath, almost feeling underwater. There was a faint ringing in her ear. Clara felt her vision start to cloud.

Clara barely noticed when the door opened and John came in. “Clara,” he said, rushing over to where she was sitting. “What’s wrong?” He took her hands in his and gave her a small gentle kiss on the forehead. 

“I was cleaning” She whispered hoarsely “And it just caught up to me”. 

“Do you feel alright?” 

“I was just a bit dizzy,” she said. 

“Hey hey. Don’t brush it off.” 

“That’s what I have to do. It’s not massive. Just something I have to cope with.”

“I know, but believe me- I will do anything so you don't feel like…”

”Shit?” Clara suggested. 

“Okay, you got me,” John said, hands in the air. “Do you need anything?” 

“Nope” Clara sighed, “Just you next to me.”

“That I can do”. John said, pulling her closer. Clara burrowed her head into his side and closed her eyes. She let out a small sigh and John reached a hand out to stroke her hair. John sat with Clara for almost an hour, he whispered to her about his day and told her how beautiful she was about seven times. Clara took a breath and shivered slightly, John grabbed the blanket from the back of the sofa and tucked it over her shoulders, letting the fabric drape down to her legs. She cuddled in even closer, her face looked peaceful. 

“Please tell me I didn’t fall asleep,” Clara whispered. Her eyes darting from John to the blanket wrapped around her shoulders and to the darkness outside of the window. 

“Well I guess I’ll have to be quiet then” John laughed gently. Clara wiped her eyes and huffed gently. 

“Thank you,” she said. Looking up at John. 

“For what?”

”For staying, for being you. I love you.”

”I love you too.” John said “I’ll always stay.”

____________

“What are your plans for the weekend?” John asked, his voice muffled through the speaker. Clara could tell he was in the car.

”Isn’t it really late for you to be heading home?” Clara said.

”Emergency meeting” John huffed “Three hours I’ll never get back.”

“Ah ok, But no weekend plans. Why?”

“They’ve refurbished one of the museums and I was wondering if you and Ellie wanted to go?”

“She’ll love that” Clara said “She’s in bed, but I’ll speak to her in the morning.”

All the curtains in the flat had been closed over and the fairy lights on top of the fireplace flashed gently as Clara and Ellie lay sprawled out on the living room floor, playing with whatever toy Ellie dragged from her bedroom. There were unwashed bowls in the sink and Clara had a mound of clothes on her bed. They had chosen to ignore any other projects for the night. Clara felt she was offending Ellie as the amount of times she had accidentally called a doll by its wrong name was unbelievable. Clara let her gaze fall on her packed handbag lying by the door. Tomorrow would be the first time Her, Ellie and John had properly gone out. All three of them, a full day together. Clara felt a shred of hope in her chest twist. 

Clara tried to wrestle her jeans in her wardrobe mirror, All while mentally checking off the things she thought she had put in her bag. Ellie was sitting in the living room, contently watching whatever Clara had found on the kids channel twenty minutes earlier. “We need to get you dressed Miss,” Clara said, walking past the back of the couch, tapping Ellie lightly on the shoulder. 

The rest of the rush about the flat passed in a blur, Clara genuinely didn’t think that she had stopped to breathe since getting out of bed. Once they were ready to go she took a long look at Ellie and finally realised that her Dad was actually right. They looked more and more alike each day. Clara took a small comfort in that. She told Ellie to stand against the door and she pulled her phone out. Clara took a few too many pictures of Ellie, hair in plaits, Dungarees and her teddy bear patterned t-shirt. 

The car ride over to John’s was anything but silent. Ellie decided that nine in the morning was the perfect time to belt her heart out to the frozen soundtrack. She remembered being asked by a family member if she had ever seen it, Clara had replied “Not yet today.”

“We’ve got entertainment” She laughed as John got in the car. 

“That’s nice,” John said, leaning over to give Clara a kiss on the cheek. “Hi Ellie” he said, looking in the rear view mirror. She waved hi and quickly went back to singing. 

They arrived after what had felt like an endless drive. The rain had started to beat down and the temperature had dropped significantly. Clara unclipped Ellie from her car seat, she had been fighting to get out from the second that the music stopped. Ellie nearly face-planted while walking up the steps because of the rain, Clara had her fingers crossed. The second that they walked in Clara found herself at a loss for words. She'd brought classes for trips and taken visiting friends from home but here, with the people she loved it felt completely different. “You okay?” John asked, wrapping his arms around her, snapping Clara out of her daydream. 

“Huh, Yeah sorry.”

“Don’t apologize love.” Clara breathed and let herself lean on John for a minute. Ellie weaved her way in and out of their legs, giggling happily to herself. 

 “Dinosaur” Ellie said, eyes wide, gazing up at the massive skeleton hung from the ornate ceiling. “Look, look!” She squealed, pulling on John’s coat until he turned around. “Good spot Ellie” He said “Is it a big scary dinosaur?”

“Nooo. It’s a nice dinosaur.”

“Oh you’re right, Silly me” John buried his face in his hands, pretending to be embarrassed. 

Ellie seemed to be the one in charge of the whole day. She seemed to constantly be pulling Clara’s arm to go see something. She surprisingly was able to pay attention to things for more than a second. Her favourite, strangely, was the entire room filled floor to ceiling with taxidermied animals. 

“I don't think she realises what they are” Clara muttered to John as Ellie ran up to a “model” fox.

”I would hope not, unless that’s a hobby of yours” John teased. 

“Oh absolutely. You haven’t seen the cupboard full of them yet?” Clara said with a smirk. 

“Look at this!” Ellie said, gesturing to the next case of animals. 

“Okay coming” Clara said. 

Once they were able to finally drag Ellie away from the animals they stumbled across a massive hall filled with displays of Cars, planes and every type of machine available. 

“Rory would love this,” Clara said. “Is this a new part?”

“From what I’ve heard.” John said, lacing Clara’s fingers in his. Ellie ran around and pressed buttons and pulled levers. She sat in model cars and pretended to drive around a race track. 

“Ellie, come look at this,” Clara said. She pointed to a model hot air balloon with a foot pump and button. Clara had done all the preparation, all Ellie had to do was hit the button and send it up to the ceiling. She smacked it as hard as she could and giggled gleefully when she watched it fly. 

“Again, Again!” Ellie yelled. 

“Alright” Clara sighed, as she shoved her foot up and down once more, breathing heavily. 

“How about Lunch now Ellie?” Clara asked once her attention had wavered. Ellie nodded and they made their way to the cafe. Ellie spotted a table and ran over, she climbed up into the seat and sat there impatiently. 

“What do you want?” John asked, “I’ll go get it.”

“I’ll have whatever soup they’ve got and Ellie what do you want darling?”. 

“Hmm” Ellie said, deep in thought “Sandwich.”

”Ellie, if you want a sandwich I've got one in my bag,” Clara said. 

”Okay you got it," John said walking up to the counter. 

“Are you having fun?” Clara asked Ellie who was now playing with the salt and pepper shakers. 

“I liked the dinosaur,” Ellie said. 

“Yeah I saw that.” Clara said. 

Clara unwrapped Ellie's sandwich and handed it over with a quiet “Mind the crusts.” Ellie, sat cross legged on the bench seat between her and John. took it without hesitation. “It’s ham” She announced, Inspecting the filling as if it was an artifact from one of the museums quieter rooms. 

“Correct” Clara said, taking a sip of her tea “Gold star”. 

John leaned back slightly, his coffee warm between his hands “is there a rewards system? And if so, can adults get involved?”

“Only if you finish all your carrots” Clara said, nodding toward the small pot of veg sticks that Elle had firmly pushed to the side 

‘I don't like the orange ones,” Ellie mumbled, mouth full of bread. 

“You loved them last week," Clara replied. 

“I’m four now.”

“You were four last week,” Clara said, slightly bewildered. Ellie just shrugged. 

“That’s what happens at four” John said ‘A lot of dramatic reinvention. 

Clara glanced sideways at him, trying not to smile too wide “You’re indulging her”. 

"She deserves to be indulged” he said, just loud enough for Ellie to catch it. She beamed, half sandwich in hand. 

It was busy around them, families crowding the tables, toddlers in various forms of meltdowns. But Clara’s little bubble, speaking playfully over a plastic tray of cafe food were two people she hadn’t imagined ever sitting next to each other. 

Clara reached over and tapped one of Ellie’s juice cartons into a standing position. “Are you going to drink this or just admire it?”

“Saving it” Ellie replied, "For pudding.”

“We don't have pudding,” Clara said. 

“We could get pudding,” John offered, in a low whisper. Eyes darting between Ellie and the cafe counter. 

Ellie's eyes lit up instantly "Muffins?"

“You are a bad influence,” Clara muttered to John.

____________

”Is John coming for dinner Mummy?” Ellie asked as they all walked back outside the car. 

“Why don't you ask him then Pet?”

 Ellie turned around to face John. “Will you come for dinner?” She asked, smiling and taking Clara’s hand. 

“I would love to. Thank you Ellie.” John looked at Clara and smiled. His eyes filled with pride and an unspoken gratitude. 

They settled into a gentle rhythm back in the flat. Ellie and John sat playing in the living room and Clara started on dinner. They wandered over occasionally. John to see if he could help and Ellie seeing if there were any snacks up for grabs. Clara drew the curtains and switched the lamp on. “Wheres Ellie?” She asked, surveying the room and realising she wasn’t there. 

“She went to get another book,” John said. 

“Ahh. How many is that now?”

“I think maybe about seven?” John sighed. 

“I may be responsible for that” Clara laughed “English teacher and all”. She sat down on the couch “Dinners in the oven, won't be long.”

“Thanks for tonight,” John said. 

“You don't even qualify as a guest anymore. More like a part time tenant.”

During dinner Ellie told jokes and Clara spluttered into her food multiple times. Clutching her stomach in laughter. Ellie must have gotten them from Rory, that was the only explanation Clara could possibly have that her four year old would know things like that. 

Ellie sat on Clara’s knee, cuddled while watching tv. Bundled up in her pyjamas and grabbing her bunny in one hand. “I think it's bedtime sweetheart,” Clara said, taking in Ellie’s bleary eyes. She expected Ellie to protest and say she wasn’t tired. But to Clara's surprise she nodded and hopped off the couch. Allowing Clara to stand up. 

“Goodnight” Ellie said, giving John a hug before taking Clara’s hand and walking down the hall. 

“Goodnight” John called after her as she turned back to wave. John sat in the living room waiting for Clara, He couldn’t help but think of how lucky he was. Clara and Ellie had brought a certain light back into his life that he didn’t know he was missing and he would be eternally grateful to them forever for that. Clara returned less than two minutes later and flopped on the couch next to John. “That was the easiest bedtime in ages. She slept in seconds.”

‘That’s great. Do you think today tired her out?”

“Absolutely. Any chance we can do it every weekend?” Clara teased. 

Clara had almost fallen asleep sitting in John's arms, her head resting gently on his chest “I didn’t notice the time wow” John said, checking his watch. He shifted slightly on the couch which caused Clara to hang onto him harder. 

“I hate watching you leave” She whimpered.

“I don't have to, If you don't want me to.”

“Stay, please. Even just for a while.”

“Happily” John said, sitting back down on the couch and wrapping his arm around her. 

Clara curled her legs beneath her, tucked close beside John on the couch, a blanket thrown haphazardly over their laps. The glow from the floor lamp cast a soft glow over the room.

“Right” Clara said, turning to face John suddenly “I need to ask you something”. 

“Ask away. I’m all ears.”

“You’ve met Ellie. You’ve met Amy and Rory but…. You haven’t met the rest of my family.”

“Like your dad?”

“Exactly and I think they know I'm seeing someone. And frankly it's a miracle Ellie has kept her mouth shut so long that I think it's only a matter of time. If you would be ok with that.”

“Of course I would. I want to meet your family, I want to do these things with you. Like it or not I’m here. You’ve practically become the biggest part of my life.”

“Okay” Clara sighed in relief “Thank you.”

“I should warn you though,” she said. “My dad still gets twitch when i bring anyone home, he thinks i have a ‘type’” 

John raised an eyebrow “Do I fit the description?”

Clara smirked “You do actually, moody. Too clever for your own good. Bit damaged.” She turned her head, just enough to meet his eyes “But somehow you’re steadier.”

“Steadier” he repeated, a hint of amusement in his voice “I'll take it”. 

“I just-" She hesitated, searching his face “I want them to like you, it shouldn’t matter but it does”. 

“Ill be on my best behaviour” he said reaching out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “I’ll even pretend I'm not secretly judging the wallpaper.”

She laughed then softened. “You’re not nervous?” 

"I've already met the toughest one,” he said, voice dropping. “She’s four, very small. Completely terrifying.”

Clara smiled at that, her shoulders relaxing as she leaned into him. He was looking at her like she was something rare, and it undid her a little. “You always look at me like that,” She whispered. 

“Like what?”

”like you already know.”

John didn’t answer. He just eased in and kissed her-slow at first, warm one hand resting against her cheek as if he still wasn't sure how much of her he was allowed to hold. But she kissed him back like she knew exactly. Pulling him closer, threading her fingers into his hair. 

He shifted deeper into the couch and she followed him without hesitation. Clara felt a rush for heat travel through her, she looked at John and smirked. Within seconds she was lying on the couch, one arm draped off the side. She could feel his hands easing up her legs toward her waist. She grabbed his shirt and pulled him on top of her. Their kiss deepened as Clara slid her tongue along his lips. She leant down and undid. Her jeans, gently slipping them off and returning her arms to wrap around John’s neck. He lifted a hand and gently ran his thumb over her cheekbone. Clara put her hands to his waist and found the hem of his shirt, She worked fast on the buttons. Each one coming undone with a small flick. Clara could feel John’s hands on her breasts. She pulled her T-shirt off in one quick motion. John’s hands crept their way round to her back, sending shivers down her spine as his hands moved closer to her ass. “God you have no idea what you’re doing to me” He whispered in her ear. He undid her bra and she slipped it off her arms. “Take them off,” Clara whispered, motioning to her underwear. “Fuck” She breathed as she could feel John’s hands running up and down her body. She turned her attention to getting off John’s trousers. 

He teased her by stroking her folds. Using a finger to circle inside of her. He took a second to look at her and thought that he was potentially the luckiest man alive. Clara looked up and moaned “I need you”. She was practically writhing. She gazed upward and thought that this sight alone was enough to make her come right then and there. He inserted one finger inside of her and she nearly started screaming his name. He started thrusting it in and out of her. Clara could feel her orgasm building as her moans became louder and her breathing shortened until she finally came, collapsing back on the sofa. John leant down and started to kiss her again. She met his eyes and couldn’t help but think that they would be in for a long night. 

Notes:

For any who may recognise it, the museum and all its displays are based on the chamber street museum in Edinburgh. As I mental blanked and that was the only one I could remember.

Chapter 26

Clara had decided to escape work early, she wasn’t teaching last period and had spent lunch marking. Amy had pleaded and begged Clara to stay because she had to handle some feral year eights for a double period. Clara had laughed and told her to drop by later. The thought of the weekend was weighing on her. John meeting her family shouldn’t worry her so much-but it really did. She knew that John would be pleasant and polite. But she couldn’t help but remember the last time someone she was seeing met her family. He’d won them over with soft jokes and borrowed time but vanished the second things got real. She knew John wasn't like that but she couldn’t help but flinch at the memory. Everything about John had felt different. He was safe and kind and had completely accepted other parts of her life. She couldn’t help but dread it. Clara had run from commitment for the last four years. Letting someone get close again had really scared her. And if by tomorrow John had met practically everyone in her life, She would know that this was serious. As much as it scared her Clara knew she wouldn’t run. 

Clara had no idea what had happened to Ellie at nursery but she must have eaten pure sugar for the entire day. The second they arrived back in the flat Ellie weaved through Clara’s legs and ran around the kitchen, circling the table four times before flopping on the couch and giggling while kicking her legs. Clara walked over “You’re hyper today,” She said, as she wrapped her arms around Ellie. “Come on” She said, picking Ellie up in her arms as they ran to the kitchen. Clara threw the quickest dinner she could in the oven, a Friday night was not when she wanted to spend hours in the kitchen.

Ellie sat at the kitchen table, Crayons and paper in hand. Her tongue out in concentration. Clara walked around behind her, unloading the dishwasher and washing up plates and glasses. 

“How was nursery today?” Clara asked.

”I painted, and we had muffins and I wore a hat.” 

“Sounds exciting, what did you paint?”

“I painted us.” Ellie said.

“Oh that's nice, you and me?”

”And John” Ellie said, before returning to her colouring. Clara was at a loss for words, she felt tears start to form in her eyes. She had to turn away so Ellie wouldn’t see her crying-But of course it was too late. 

“Why are you crying Mummy?” Ellie asked, discarding her crayon on the table. ”are you sad?”

“No darling. I’m not sad, I’m happy.”

“Why are you crying if you’re happy?”

”Oh I don't know,” Clara said, wrapping her arms around Ellie. 

“I still don't forgive you for leaving me” Amy said, as she barged in the flat, bags in hand. Her eyes fell on Ellie sitting at the kitchen table and Clara with her arms around her. “Have I walked into a real life Gilmore Girls?”

”Hi Ames” Clara said, wiping her eyes a final time and giving Amy a hug. “I didn’t think you would come.”

“I missed almost two hours of conversation with you today. Of course I’m coming.” 

“Where’s Uncle Rory?” Ellie asked, tugging on Amy’s trousers. 

”He’s working Sweet pea” Amy said, bending down “Will I do?” Ellie nodded and gave Amy a hug. 

“Also sorry” Clara said “Real life Gilmore girls? What was that about?”

“That’s what you remind me of.”

”As much as I would like to be, I am not Lorelai Gilmore.”

”Oh you so are” Amy teased. 

“How?” Clara asked, arms in the air. 

“Well, let's see. Independent. Good fashion sense and a coffee addiction.” Amy checked them off her fingers and gave Clara a smile. 

“That took a nosedive.” Clara laughed. 

“Hey you put me on the spot” Amy protested. 

“Alright then” Clara said “Want a drink?”

“Please” Amy said, flopping on the couch. Clara grabbed it for her and threw herself down next to Amy. Ellie sat in her pyjamas, sprawled out on the rug. 

“How was the dreaded double?” Clara asked with a laugh.

”I wanted to die multiple times. I guess that sums it up.”

”I don’t envy you.”

 “I used to love Friday afternoons. Now they just feel like torture.”

”Is that because we would already be slightly tipsy?”

”Spot on” Amy laughed, flopping her hand over Clara.  

They sat there in the quiet peace, Ellie hummed and moved her toys about the rug. Amy and Clara sat giggling and reminiscing about old stories. The fire roared in front of them and gentle music floated out of the speakers. Clara shivered slightly, she grabbed a blanket and chucked it over her and Amy. Am shifted closer and wrapped her arms around Clara. She let out a small sigh and took another sip of her drink. “You guys are great. Seriously. When Rory’s at work i can just go and see the rest of my family.”

”Do you now specialise in flattery Ames?”

“Seems it” She giggled “Oh I forgot to mention My Mum is demanding to have you both over. She wants to see Ellie more than me and Rory.” 

“Tell her we’ll come soon. Ellie loves their house.”

”And plus with Ellie around that gets Mum off my back about Grandkids.”

”Good to know that we’re useful for something.” Clara laughed, hitting Amy on the knee. 

“Well Ellie is Ellie but you just make pretty cute kids. That’s why I’ve kept you around so long.”

“Ah I see.” 

Amy left multiple drinks and a couple bad conversations later. Clara put Ellie to bed after being forced to read six stories. She closed the door with a satisfying click. Taking a deep inhale before walking over to her bedroom. Clara slipped into whatever old pyjamas she could find.

Later in bed Clara could hardly sleep, she lay tossing and turning. Occasionally warm and occasionally cold. She had kicked the duvet off about twelve times and put on extra socks just as many. “Uhhh” She groaned. Deciding to give up on sleeping Clara padded through to the kitchen. She grabbed a glass of water and collapsed on the couch. Clara flicked the tv on to see whatever terrible late night programmes were on. She found a channel that was showing When Harry met Sally. Clara had easily seen it twenty times but it never got old. She vaguely remembered watching twenty minutes of it before finally falling asleep. 

____________

“You’re early,” Clara said, turning around from the pile of dishes she was slowly washing at the kitchen sink. 

“I just couldn’t wait to see you,” John said, giving her a kiss and slipping his coat off. 

“Charmer” Clara laughed “How are you feeling about today?”. 

“I feel good. Doesn’t seem like you do”. 

“Just nervous,” She said, wiping her hands and turning the tap off. “Ellie,” she shouted. As if on cue Ellie ran into the kitchen, arms full of toys and looking surprisingly tidy in her purple dress. “Is John coming to Grandads?” Ellie asked,eyes wide. She stood on her tiptoes and emptied her arms onto the table

”I am” John said “Is that okay?” Ellie nodded enthusiastically and gave John a hug. 

“She keeps asking for you” Clara said “I have a sneaky feeling you may be roped into bedtime tonight.”

“I’d be honoured,” John said with a smile. “When do we need to get going?”

”In about half an hour. I still need to get dressed” She pointed to her pyjamas. 

“I'll let you go do that then” John said, winking at Ellie who had hidden behind the sofa. 

 

“Why are you coming with us?” Ellie asked innocently, Holding a plastic cat. 

“Because your Mummy asked me to” John replied, handing Ellie her other figures perched on the arm of the sofa behind him. 

“Is it because you kiss Mummy lots?” Ellie asked. John had to turn away quickly before he lost himself laughing. 

“I guess so” He shrugged, before crossing his fingers and praying Ellie would go back to playing. 

The entire contents of Clara’s wardrobe spilled out on her bed and some on the floor. She was frantically throwing pairs of jeans and skirts behind her. Nothing seemed to look right, Clara had no idea how many clothes she actually owned- Amy was right, it was a problem. “I hate this,” She said, holding up an old green t-shirt. Clara knew that it wasn't the clothes she was actually annoyed at. The day seemed to be weighing on her. It also didn’t help that Ellie had been up since five to six and had refused point blank to go back to sleep. Clara finally fished her checked blue and white blouse and black skirt out of the pile “Good enough” She shrugged before wrestling them on. Grabbing her bag and running back into the living room. Clara expected chaos but she was surprised to see John and Ellie sitting colouring quietly. Ellie was sitting right up close to John, her crayons scattered across the couch. “Okay people” Clara said, clapping her hands “We need to go.” Ellie and John jumped up and came over to the door. “Looking nice,” John muttered to Clara, placing a hand on her lower back. 

“Thank you for the flattery” Clara said “but get your shoes on we need to leave.”

”Yes ma’am” John smiled and saluted. 

___________

“Well. You survived my Gran asking if you were planning to propose. You should have seen the look on your face.” Clara laughed as she unlocked the flat door. Ellie dozed lightly in her arms. 

“I wasn't scared i promise” John said “It just caught me off guard.”

”Yeah I get it. They seem to have no filter anymore.”

”You’re telling me,” John said. The flat was bathed in a gentle glow, the last remnants of sunlight streamed in through the windows. “Honestly it went better than I expected” Clara said, kicking her shoes off and trying not to wake Ellie. “And it definitely tired this one out”. 

“I think it went alright.” John said. 

“Alright?” Clara said “They all loved you. Thank you.”

”All I had to do was talk about how great you are. Which is easy.”

Clara smiled slightly, “I’m just gonna put her to bed okay.” John nodded as Clara carried Ellie through to her bedroom. 

John hung his coat by the door and grabbed a bottle of wine out of Clara’s fridge, he found two mismatched glasses in one of her cupboards. Sitting down and bringing Clara's bag into the living room. John thought about how for the majority of the day Clara had seemed anxious and fidgety. He couldn’t remember one time he had looked at her and she wasn't twisting her rings around her fingers. She had eased up as the afternoon progressed, playing with Ellie and helping Linda in the kitchen. She only joined in one conversation with John and her stepbrother Ben, They had been speaking about music and John had been saying that he had played the guitar in university. Even ending up in a few average bands. Clara came back through her eyes looking heavier than before. She blinked slowly and sat down next to John. Letting her legs drape over his. “You look beautiful” He whispered into her hair, only loud enough so she could hear. 

“Ive been awake for eighteen hours” She laughed tiredly “I’m exhausted. Probably look like a bleary eyed deer.”

”The nicest one I've ever seen.”

”Oh shut up and kiss me.” Clara said, pulling John in closer and kissing him, Long and slow she let her head dip back as she leant into him. 

____________

Clara stood in the middle of the kitchen, one hip nudging the cupboard door shut as she stirred a pot of pasta with one hand and balanced her phone against her ear with the other. “No, I can't come in tomorrow,” she said firmly. “Ive already arranged cover work. I can’t be in two places at once, and Ellie’s got a fever.” She paused for a second. “No, I don't think that’s unreasonable. I’m not taking her into nursery like that. She hung up before she could be talked into something she would regret.

A tiny cough sounded from the hallways. Clara turned as Ellie appeared in the doorway, dragging her blanket behind her, Cheeks flushed, hair in a messy knot that mirrored Clara’s own. “Hi monkey,” Clara said softly, couching down “You okay?”

Elie nodded, eyes watering “I want cuddles.”

”You can have all the cuddles,” Clara said, scooping her up despite the ache in her arms. She sat them both on the sofa, pasta forgotten for a minute. Ellie curled into her chest, clutching the collar of Clara's hoodie like a lifeline. 

The flat was a mess. Dishes stacked, washing half folded, toys strewn like breadcrumbs from room to room. But Clara didn’t flinch away from any of it. She’d handle it. Eventually. Ten minutes later, Elie was back asleep. Clara didn’t even bother trying to transfer her, just wrapped them both in a blanket and reached for a moment. Her dinner was overcooked. She didn’t care. Her phone buzzed. A message from Amy. “You alright? Need anything?”

Clara stared at it for a second, then typed back 

“Nope. All sorted. Bit of a wreck, but we’re okay.”

Clara inhaled sharply and leaned back, shifting Ellie slightly so the girl’s head  fit snugly under her chin. She was tired. The day had been hard. But she'd handled it. Without snapping, without giving up, without crying into cold tea and that counted for something. 

The morning had been nothing short of hellish. Ellie had woken up too early, all remnants of her fever completely gone. She was hyper and bouncing off the walls and nearly cried when she didn’t get her breakfast soon enough. Clara had a pounding headache and every time Ellie whined for something else it sent another sharp pain through her. The flat was freezing, Clara had turned the heating up millions of times and it never seemed to get warmer. It was so cold that Clara was padding about in and old onesie she had found shoved beneath her bed. She assumed she had bought it one winter when every single radiator in her flat had broken and Amy had refused to ask Rory to fix it- all because of wounded pride.

Ellie had three blankets around her shoulders and still sat cuddled in close to Clara to feel warmer. Clara had left the tv on for Ellie and she got up once more to check the heating again. The meter on the wall wasn’t displaying a temperature and Clara had no clue how to fix it. Clara knew that getting someone out would take hours and she couldn’t listen to Ellie moan all day when she was feeling like she did. “Ellie. Do you want to go to John’s?” Ellie nodded enthusiastically and jumped off the couch, blankets falling off her shoulders as she jumped about in the middle of the living room.

Clara got them both dressed quickly, Ellie in an old hoodie and leggings. Clara grabbed her hoodie and shoved some things in a bag. They got in the car, grateful for the temporary warmth it provided. Clara could tell the cold morning had gotten to Ellie as she was silent in the car ride over. Expect the occasional question about where John lived. Having been a few times Clara vaguely remembered what it looked like but it didn’t help that they always seemed to end up back at hers-for Ellie’s sake obviously but it didn’t help identifying his flat in a street full of identical buildings. She finally found what she thought was the right one and clipped Ellie out of her car seat, letting her run up to the door. 

“Sorry to crash your Sunday,” Clara said as John opened the door to see her and Ellie standing there. “Long story short, our heating broke.”

”Not at all.” John said, opening the door to let them in. Clara laid eyes on the flat for the first time in months. It really hadn’t changed much but it looked slightly different in daylight. The light from the windows cast a soft glow on the grey couches. Clara was surprised that as they walked into the living room she found Bill sitting in one of the armchairs, tapping a pen on her arm and holding a stack of paper in one hand. “Clara, Hi” She said, looking startled and standing up.

”Oh my god” Clara said, looking around “I’m so sorry. You looked really busy.”

”I was out last night” Bill smiled “This is all fake concentration.”

”Ah the good old days,” Clara said, as she sat on the couch and pulled Ellie onto her knee. John walked back into the living room. He handed Clara a cup of tea with a quick kiss and Ellie a chocolate biscuit. “What were you up to today?” Clara asked Bill.

’”I’m supposed to be writing a report.” Bill said “Currently I have a title. It’s sounding more and more like a Monday job.”

”I like your way of thinking.” Clara laughed. She turned to Ellie “This is Bill. Do you want to say hi?” 

Ellie buried closer to Clara but after a second she turned around and gave Bill a small wave “Hi.” 

Bill smiled and waved back “Hi Ellie. I like your jumper.” She pointed to the small brown rabbit on Ellie's jumper. Ellie smiled and shuffled slightly on Clara’s legs. 

“So. We’ve got a free day now.” John said “It’s too miserable to go outside. What are we thinking?”

”I can get heading if you’re planning to-“ Bill started. 

“Bill. It’s miserable. Stay for a bit. We’ll probably end up with a takeaway anyway”

”If that's ok.” She said, looking to Clara. 

“It’s us that crashed.” Clara laughed. 

“Can we make cookies?” Elllie piped up, having suddenly found her voice. She looked at Bill while she asked. 

“Sounds great Ellie,” John said. 

They all moved into the large white kitchen. John moved around the cupboards. Pulling out bowls and flour and an egg timer shaped like a chicken. 

“I should warn you,” Bill said, taking a bowl off the island “I’m absolutely terrible at baking. I really shouldn’t be trusted with an oven.”

”You need to crack the eggs.” Ellie said, looking up at Bill. 

“I suppose I can't muck that up.” She said, taking an egg from Clara and cracking it into the bowl. “This is what I mean.” She pointed to the massive pieces of shell she had managed to break into the bowl. Once Bill had proved herself a disaster Clara took culinary control of the baking. Bill handed her bowls and read out measurements. Ellie danced around the kitchen, waiting patiently so Clara would let her lick the bowl. John stood and watched the gentle chaos in the kitchen. He sometimes took his phone out and took a quick picture. Clara sat Ellie on the worktop and gave her a spoon coated in dough. Clara slid the tray in the oven and Bill started to run water for washing up. 

A few hours later most of the cookies had been eaten. Mostly by Bill who had very little input to their actual making but didn’t stop talking about how delicious they were. They sat in John’s living room. Fish and Chip boxes on their laps. Eating and chatting through mouthfuls of food. Ellie had a little bit of Clara’s and she was happily giggling while taking chips off of John. They sat for a while in the messy gently kind of peace that had been created. Clara knew that what they had right now was what mattered. Not her broken heating or marking homework. But these people and if that meant spending her days cleaning up Bills kitchen mess then so be it. 

 

Chapter 27

“What’s your laptop out for?” Amy asked, her eyes falling on Clara sitting at the kitchen table with her computer, phone and purse. “Or are there secret plans I’m not allowed to know about?”

‘I’m trying to surprise John.” Clara said, sighing and wiping the hair out of her face. 

“Ohh” Amy teased, taking a seat next to her. “What with? A puppy?”

”Of course. I specialise in animal gifts” Clara laughed. 

“Okay then. What’s your surprise?”.

”I want to try and plan a weekend for us in Glasgow” She sighed. The second Clara spoke, Amy burst out into fits of laughter. “I don't think I heard you right.”

”I think you did.” Clara said. 

“Take it from me Glasgow is absolutely not all it's cracked up to be. It’s just rainy and full of shit football shops. Take him to the fancy part of Edinburgh, trust me.”

“Seriously?” Clara asked. 

“Deadly” Amy said “You don't know hell until you’ve been on Buchanan street on a Saturday.”

I'll take your advice then.” Clara said, changing her hotel search. 

“Go to a fancy spa hotel” Amy suggested “You can relax after all the Shagging you’re doing.”

”Oh my god Amy.” Clara said, rolling her eyes and dramatically collapsing on her best friend's shoulder. 

“Correct me if I'm wrong.” Amy said, a smug expression on her face. 

“Okay. You’ve got me there.” Clara laughed. “What about this?” She turned her laptop around for Amy to see the hotel she had found. It looked great, had a bar and restaurant as well as a great looking spa and pool. 

“I’m jealous.” Amy said “Take me instead please.” She stood up and reached into Clara's fridge and pulled out a carton of apple juice. “This is empty.” she said, sounding disappointed. 

“I know sorry. I need to go to the shop.”

”Yeah but why's the empty carton still there?”

”I was tired ok” Clara said. “Anyway, that's the hotel booked. I just need to sort a train.”

”Forgive me if this is a strange suggestion. But maybe before you book it you should check if the person you are planning on is free?”

”Shit” Clara said “I'll text him now.”

”Might be wise.” Amy said. 

John was planning on spending a quiet day around his flat, he certainly didn’t expect nearly twenty texts from Clara before nine in the morning. 

Clara: Are you free next weekend?

John: Yeah I am. Why?

John put his phone down for a minute to get some water, he was surprised to see it flash again three seconds later. 

Clara:You’ll find out. Come to mine for three on Friday. With a packed bag. 

John fired back a quick response and decided to leave it and not ask anymore more questions. Clara could be strangely elusive when she wanted to. Her plans were probably set and no amount of questioning was going to make her break. 

____________

Ellie was lounging over the couch, cuddled under a blanket while Clara sat on the floor holding up toys for her approval. Any that Ellie nodded at or smiled at Clara shoved them into the rucksack she was holding, along with her clothes for the weekend. “Why am I going to Grandads?” She asked. ”Where are you going?”

”You’re going to have the best weekend. I think Grandad might take you swimming.” Clara said. Trying to distract Ellie from the fact she was leaving. Clara did feel a little guilty about going away without Ellie. They’d gone away with her Dad and Linda last summer to Spain but Clara had never taken Ellie away properly. She knew she wouldn’t cope with the stress of taking a small child away alone. Ellie smiled and thankfully dropped the question. Clara continued packing and slipped in a swimsuit for Ellie just in case. “Come on. Off the couch” Clara said, reaching her hand behind Ellie and sitting her up “Grandad will be here soon.” 

“Can I bring my bunny?”

”Of course you can. Run and get it.” Ellie ran quickly into her room, Clara set her bag on the coffee table and kicked her legs out from under her. 

There was a bag sitting discarded in Clara's bedroom. She had two hours until the train and she hadn’t packed a single thing. Procrastination had really gotten the better of her. She had tried to decide on her clothes the night before but then she realised she didn’t have enough swimsuits so had to run to the shop after work for one that actually would fit. She had found a halfway decent red one that looked like it would fit. That had been the only thing laying on her bed when she decided to start packing Ellie's bag. Ellie ran back through with her bunny and her arms were full with every single teddy off her bed. “I thought you were getting your bunny?” Clara said as Ellie emptied her arms onto the couch. 

“I wanted these ones too.”

”You can bring your bunny and one more.” Clara said “They won’t all fit in your bag.” Ellie sighed and looked at the pile on the couch. She started to sort through them and moved them to the side. “This one.” She said, holding up a plush lion for Clara to see. 

“Okay, let's put it in.” she said, shoving the teddy into Ellie's already impossibly full bag. Clara checked the clock and started to panic, she had even less time than she hoped. Ellie was due to be picked up in ten minutes. Clara knew she just had to shove whatever she could find in the bag before having to leave.

There was a knock at the door and Clara guessed that it was her Dad. 

“Hi. she’s all packed and ready.”

”Good to hear.” he said, pulling Clara into a side hug. Ellie ran through with her stupidly large bag on her back. “Grandad!” She yelled, charging into him determinedly. 

“Hello Ellie. Are you good to go?” Ellie nodded and started to walk out the door before turning back and running into Clara for a hug. “Have a good weekend sweetheart” She whispered, wiping away the tiny tears forming in Ellie's eyes. 

“Enjoy your time away.” Dave said, facing Clara before taking Ellie's hand as they walked up to the door. 

Clara had no time to feel guilty for Ellie crying-she definitely felt it enough. Her main concern for the next half an hour was to pack. She flung pairs of jeans in the bag. Nearly pulled her entire drawer out of the unit while searching for tops. She settled on a pink lacy top and a navy blue shirt. It took Clara about twenty minutes trying to find pyjamas she hadn’t owned for at least ten years. They were all bobbly and misshapen. The newest pair that Clara owned she was sure that she had been given when Ellie was born-four year old pyjamas were new enough. Clara shrugged and shoved them in. 

Her bag sat in the middle of the living room, packed to an incredibly low standard. Nothing was folded and there was a stray phone charger laying in there somewhere and Clara was sure she had taken far too many pairs of socks. Flopping on the couch and kicking the bag out of the way. Clara grabbed the blanket Ellie had been snuggled under and threw it round her shoulders. That had been the moment it dawned on Cara that she hadn’t packed a single jumper. She ran back into her bedroom and searched through her wardrobe for the fourth time that day. She found a grey knitted sweater and shoved it over her T-shirt. 

“Hello beautiful.” John said, letting himself into the flat. He was holding a clearly well packed bag.

”Ready to go?” Clara asked. 

“Yep. But not until you fill me in on the details.”

”Ah okay fine.” Clara said “We are spending the weekend at a spa hotel in Edinburgh.”

John's face lit up. “Seriously?”

”No joke. I've booked it all and we have a train in twenty minutes.”

”Well what are we waiting for?” John asked, “I’ll drive us to the station.”

“Two seconds. My bags in the living room.” Clara grabbed it off the floor and returned in front of John. “How did you manage to pull this off?” He asked. 

“I’m very sneaky when I want to be. And I really wanted to surprise you.”

”You’ve definitely succeeded.” John said, wrapping his arm around Clara’s waist. 

“Glad to hear that.” Clara laughed. 

Clara sat on the train, facing the window curled up against John. She nearly fell asleep multiple times-she struggled to keep her eyes open especially after the train started to quiet and they were the only ones in the carriage. John had pulled a book out of his bag and had been sitting reading for most of the journey. Clara would have liked to do the same but she knew her eyes would wander and they would end up shut again. “How much longer have we got?” She whispered hoarsely, not sure if she had just woken up. 

“Only about thirty minutes.” John said, his eyes finally leaving his book and glancing down at Clara, who had taken her jumper off and used it as a make-shift pillow. 

“Oh well I’ve definitely been asleep. The last time I asked you it was just over an hour.”

”Yeah you were. I didn’t realise until I went to speak to you.”

“You must’ve thought I was ignoring you.” Clara laughed as she closed her eyes again. 

They got off the train after Clara’s third nap. John insisted on carrying her bag even when she protested and said that she could take it. They arrived at the hotel and Clara was taken aback. She had no clue how nice this place actually was. Sure the reviews online had been great but she thought it was just a normal hotel. As they walked in she saw the plush velvet seating in the corner and the massive gold desk sitting under a crystal chandelier. Clara checked them in and the lift ride up to their room seemed to take forever. They were on floor nine of twelve and once they got to their room and looked out of the massive window taking up an entire wall Clara dreaded the thought of being any higher than they were. She stood with her bag in hand staring out the window, watching the world go by underneath her. John had perched on the bed and sat behind her. He reached up and slid his hands around her waist and then pulled Clara back onto the bed with him. She started to giggle and swat his hands away as he tickled her. She finally broke free and turned a round to kiss him quickly before hopping off the bed and pulling her clothes out of her bag. 

“Come back please.” John said, arms still extended. 

“I will in a second. I've booked us dinner at eight so get ready.”

”You really have everything prepared.” John said, sounding impressed. 

“Of course I did. I wanted to surprise you.” Clara pulled her T-shirt off and slipped a red slip dress over the top. 

“Oh” John said “I would’ve hoped you kept the T-shirt off.” Clara tapped him lightly on the shoulder, trying to hold in her laugh. 

“Come on. Get up.” She said, trying to pull John up by his arm. 

“As you wish.” He said, grabbing his bag and pulling out fresh clothes. 

____________

John and Clara had spent the entire day at the pool. They’d swam and Clara dragged John into the sauna. She had a child free weekend and she was going to do everything available to her. She was amazed in the morning when she put on her new swimsuit and it did actually fit. As she looked in the room mirror to admire it. John had pulled her in from behind and kissed her, long and slow. Clara felt herself beginning to blush. She flipped her head down to put her hair up to hide her face. 

“I could seriously get used to this,” Clara said, taking a sip of her wine. She pulled her robe closer around her and lay her legs over John. 

“I take it you’re having fun.” he laughed, tucking a stray piece of her hair behind her ear. 

“This is the best. As much as I love Ellie it feels great having not heard Mummy for twenty four hours.”

”What are you wanting to do for dinner?” John asked. 

“Well honestly I have no plan to get out of this.” She said motioning to the plush robe she had been wearing for most of the weekend. 

“I can go and get us a takeaway. if you want.”

”I have genuinely never heard anything better.” Clara laughed, closing her eyes “I’m probably going to sleep until then.” She shifted closer into John and he wrapped his arm around her.  

Chapter 28

“How long?” Elie asked, sitting back up in her bed. 

“You just need to sleep.” Clara sighed, worn out from her fourth attempt at bedtime. “I can stay here until you fall asleep.”

”But why isn’t it my birthday now?”

”Becasuse your birthday is in the morning. You need to wait a few hours.” 

Ellie let out a frustrated sigh and flopped back down on her bed. “Can you stay?” Elllie grabbed Clara’s hand and buried it under her covers. “Yeah I can.” Clara lay her head on the edge of the mattress, trying not to make any sound so Ellie would sleep, there was a pile of presents sitting Clara's wardrobe and not a single one was wrapped. She would try to escape quickly because Clara had no doubt that Ellie would wake up at about five in the morning. Clara looked slightly over her shoulder. Checking to see if Ellie had gone to sleep. To her relief she had or certainly faked it well. Clara placed Ellie's hand around her bunny and crept slowly backwards out of the room, shutting the door with a tiny click. 

The night had settled into complete darkness outside. Clara had finished wrapping all of Ellie's presents and the small pile was sitting under the tv. There were balloons hung around the room and a massive banner across Ellie’s door and draped off of the fireplace. Clara knew this would be a birthday Ellie may start to properly remember. Clara let her mind wander for a minute. She seriously couldn’t not begin to believe that she was about to have a five year old. Five years since the best and worst day of her life-She remembered holding Ellie once before the entire world seemed to go dark. She had woken up hours later with stitches and a foggy memory. The first few months were hellish, Clara could barely sit up for weeks and she felt helpless sitting there watching Amy and Rory run around after them. 

Ellie's birthday falling on a Saturday felt like a blessing. Clara loved that this was the year she could have a proper party for her. Some of Clara's friends were coming as well as her dad and a few of Ellie’s friends. Amy was due to arrive early to help set up-Clara dreaded to think of the pile of gift bags Amy and Rory would walk in with in the morning. 

___________

“Happy Birthday Ellie.” Clara said, perching by the side of her daughter's bed, stroking her hair gently as her eyes blinked open lightly. 

“It’s my birthday Mummy.” She said, sitting bolt upright and throwing her arms around Clara. 

“I know it is princes.” Clara laughed, pulling Ellie out of her bed and holding her around her hip. Ellie stayed bleary eyed and cuddly until they walked into the living room and her eyes fell on the pile of presents wrapped in bright pink paper. She jumped down from Clara's arms, nearly causing her to fall over. “Are those for me?” Ellie asked, pointing to the presents. 

“Of course they are.” Clara said, giving her a gentle nudge forward. Clara was in a much better mood than she usually was in the morning as Ellie had surprisingly slept in and let Clara get a head start on the day. Ellie dug her tiny fingers into the paper with intense concentration and pulled out a sand play set. Her eyes went wide and she looked at Clara with intense gratitude. Clara shuffled over to Ellie and wrapped her arms around her. Holding Ellie close for what felt like an eternity. Every single breath that Clara took another memory from the same day over the past five years flashed by her. Ellie’s first birthday when she had looked perfect all day but smashed the cake into her dress. Or her second when Amy got so unbelievably drunk that she ended up asleep in Clara’s bath. 

Ellie was dressed-in a blue checkered dress she had picked out herself. Clara had opened up some of her presents and Ellie sat on the floor playing and muttering to herself. Clara draped a tablecloth over the table to hide the chips and scratches. She finished attaching strings to the party hats and took Ellie's birthday crown out of her wardrobe. When Ellie turned one Clara had sewn a pink striped crown with an E embroidered on the front. Ellie had worn it every birthday without fail and Clara always made sure to take as many photos as possible. 

There was a gentle knock at the door and Ellie ran saying “I’ll get it.” Clara grabbed the keys off the table and came up behind Ellie “Not without help.” Amy and Rory came quickly in the door, arms full of bags and balloons. Clara was fairly certain Amy had a wine bottled tucked into her coat. They exchanged hugs and Ellie pulled them inside to show them her new presents. “Super cool.” Amy agreed, nodding along as Ellie held up another plastic figure. “Need any help?” Rory asked. Coming into the kitchen where Clara was standing, setting party food at the edge of the table. ”If you could grab the paper plates that would be great.’ Clara said, pointing to the stack she had sitting by the front door. Rory opened the packet with his teeth and set them around the table, placing a napkin on top of each one. “Five years old.” Rory said, glancing over at Ellie “How did that happen?”

’”You’re telling me. Feels like she was a baby yesterday.” Clara laughed as Rory wrapped an arm around her. 

The knock at the door was light-three gentle raps that barely stood a chance over the shrieking chorus of five year olds racing through Clara's hallways like sugar fuelled misleads. Clara pressed her hands to her temples, gave Amy a helpless look over the head of the children and weaved her way to the door stepping over a glittery tiara and half a juice box. She opened it to see John standing in front of her. hair windswept, glasses slightly askew. Holding the biggest cardboard box she’s ever seen. “Happy birthday,” he said, grinning. 

Clara blinked at the box. “I’m sorry-have you bought me a dishwasher?”

”It’s not for you,” He said. “its for the small human who screamed ‘my heart exploded’ the last time I gave her a sticker.”

She laughed despite her headache, moving aside to let him in. “you’re going to cause a riot. There are eight children in this flat right now. You might not survive.”

”I brought bribes,” he said, jerking his chin toward the box ‘There are tiny wooden teacups in here. I’m hoping they distract them long enough for me to hide under the table.”

”Wise,” Clara said. “very wise.”

He followed her down the hall carefully, sidestepping balloons and crumpled napkins, balancing the box like it was made of glass. The party was in full chaotic swing. Amy was hanging out fruit skewers like she was negotiating peace treaties. Rory had become a makeshift jungle gym for two children and a plastic dinosaur. Ellie was perched on the edge of the coffee table, hair tangled, cheeks pink with excitement. When she saw John she beamed. “JOHN!” 

“Hey birthday girl.” He lowered the box dramatically “I hear someone turned five today. Which means someone might be ready for..” He paused for effect, Ellie getting more excited by the second “A real dollhouse.” Ellie's mouth fell open. 

“Is it in there?” She whispered, creeping toward it like it might vanish. 

“It is,” he said, crouching down. “And it's got stairs and a bathroom and a kitchen with tiny wooden spoons. But you’ll need someone very clever to help build it.” 

“I’m clever!” She shouted, clutching his arm. 

“I meant me,” John said seriously. “But you can be an assistant to the clever person.” Ellie giggled and hugged him without warning, arms tight around his middle. Clara, still leaning against the door frame, felt her heart twist. "You okay carrying that in?” She asked. 

John gave her a Lok. ‘It’s got a dollhouse in it, not bricks. And I do lift children’s spirits for a living, you know.” 

Clara rolled her eyes. “You teach adults.. Actually I don't know what you teach.”

“Neither do I,” John admitted.

He winked and she smiled, stepping forward to help him lift the box toward the kitchen table. Behind them, Ellie was dancing in circles and yelling “It has stairs!” At Amy and Rory like she'd just won the lottery. And for a few seconds in the middle of the noise and shock Clara had had that day. She caught John looking at her as though he couldn’t believe he was here. With her. With Ellie. 

Clara leaned against the kitchen counter, a paper plate of half eaten cake in one hand, watching the living room descend into another level of sugar induced chaos. Balloons were bouncing off every surface and the kids had discovered the bubble machine again. 

“Whoever invented part bags owes me a year of peace and quiet.” She muttered. Belinda appeared beside her with a pink cup of squash and an expression of someone who’d seen too much in fifteen minutes. “I just saw Poppy use a slice of pizza as a hat. I didn’t intervene.” 

“That’s probably the right call.” Clara said with a grin. They stood shoulder to shoulder for a second, observing the storm. 

”She’s done so well, you know.” Belinda said gently, glancing towards Ellie who was currently leading a conga line made up of four very enthusiastic five year olds and one very confused Labrador. “Ellie, she seemed settled. Happy.”

Clara blinked, nodded “Yeah she is. It took us a while to get there.”

Belinda gave her a side smile “You should be proud.”

"I'm just mostly sticky, sleep deprived and slightly deaf.” Clara said, exhaling a laugh ”But thanks that means a lot.”

‘You’ve done this solo for a long time. Longer than I have-It shows.”

Clara smiled faintly. “Not solo anymore. John’s-well. He’s kind and Ellie loves him already. Though she won't admit it.”

”They’ve got the same frown,’ Belinda said. “I noticed.”

Clara laughed properly at that “God, they do. Don’t tell him that. His ego's inflated enough.” 

“Too late,” Belinda smirked. 

Across the room, someone shouted “Mummy!” With cake covered hands and a balloon stuck to their head. 

Clara winced. ‘Yours or mine?”

Belinda squinted “Unclear. Flip a coin?”

They clinked their cups in solidarity and waded back into the living room. 

Clara had been icing cupcakes since six a.m. Now it was nearly four and there was pink buttercream in her hair, glitter in the grout between the tiles and four sugar high five year olds sprinting in circles around her living room. Amy had just taken two of them to the bathroom. Rory and Belinda were stuck in the corner pretending to be a very tired king and queen. And John was crouched by the coffee table helping Ellie assemble her new dolls house with a gentle methodical focus, as if the fate of the world depended on whether the loft windows opened.

The part was exactly as chaotic as she’d expected. But it was also warm, soft and full of these little moments that caught Clara off guard. Ellie flinging her arms around John with cake sticky fingers. Amy wiping frosting on Clara’s cheek like they were still twenty. Her dad showing up with two balloon animals and a smile that didn’t quite mask the emotion in his eyes. It was perfect.

Which was why the letter had rattled her so much. 

She hadn’t even opened it yet. Just found it shoved halfway through her letterbox before guests had arrived. No return address. Her full name in strange handwriting. She knew what it meant. She’d always known it might happen. Five years. That family had been quiet for five years. 

She hadn’t told John or Amy. Not yet. It felt unfair to cast a shadow on the day. But now as the kids migrated to the kitchen for cake and party bags, Clara lingered in the hallway, fingers brushing the edge of the envelope she’s hidden in the drawer beneath her phone charger. 

‘You alright?” John's voice came behind her. She turned. His sleeves were rolled up, tie gone. face flushed with warmth and emotion and the absolute impossibility of controlling eight children. 

“Yeah,” She said, with her too fast, too practiced smile. “Just tired.”

he tilted his head. “Sure?”

She nodded again, softer this time "I'll tell you later. It’s nothing bad-just not for today.”

John didn’t press. He looked like he wanted to, but he didn’t instead, he held her gaze for a long understanding moment. Then gently said ‘You’re doing amazing, you.” And suddenly, stupidly Clara felt her eyes sting. 

They went back in together and Ellie let up when she saw them. “Cake!” She squealed, throwing her arms in the air. Clara lifted her onto the counter with practiced ease, Ellie reached up to smear icing on Clara's nose as John stood beside them. The rest of the room buzzed around the three of them. Amy handed out party bags. Rory dropped a paper crown onto Clara's dads head. Music played from Clara's tiny Bluetooth speaker, and for a little while the whole world was sugar and laughter and dancing feet. 

But after that night, when the last balloon had deflated and the flat was quiet again. Clara pulled out the envelope. 

The handwriting was unmistakably familiar. 

And the name at the bottom. 

Was the mother of Ellie’s biological father. 

And it began with:

“I’m writing because I’ve seen a photo of your daughter. She looks like him…”

Clara folded the letter slowly, her chest tight. She didn’t know what she was going to do. But she knew one thing. 

This wasn’t over-Not yet.