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“That is not how you hold a gun.”
Till jerked back from focusing on his target to meet amused dark eyes belonging to a man that had acted like Till's shadow the day he gained consciousness after being rescued.
“Ivan.” Till said shortly, eyes flickering down to the way the sleeveless, transparent, high collared shirt hung to his frame—emphasising his broad chest. Till quickly looked away, bristling in a mix of shame and anger at how he was infuriatingly attracted to the rebel.
“You'll only hurt yourself, your arms are too weak to handle the recoil.”
Till ignored him.
“If you stuck to the fitness plan I customised specifically for you, including your preferences of diet and mobility exercises. You'd be able to shoot properly by now.”
Till flinched back as the shot sounded and his arm jerked a few inches above where he was aiming.
“As your mentor, it truly hurts to see you ignore my heartfelt advice and here I thought we had become closer. It's been two months, one week and five days since you woke from your coma-”
“Will you shut up!?” Till yelled, vein throbbing in his forehead as he smacked the pistol onto the counter and stomped his way out, not forgetting to shove against Ivan that only sent him stumbling instead—curse the bastard's strong body.
“Well, there's other important things I'm here for other than pointing out the obvious.” Ivan drawled as he followed Till, tone turning serious “You missed your check up.”
“So what? I'm perfectly healthy-” “Disputable.” “-and the gunshot wound is already healed, I got the stitches taken out weeks ago.”
“You haven't attended any of the counselling sessions. And regardless of whether the stitching is taken out, you can't aggravate it hence the mobility exercises-”
“Can you stop fucking acting like you care? You're not going to score brownie points by following me like some fucking dog, I can handle my own shit.” Till turned back to glare at Ivan, building frustration giving his words more bite than he intended.
Ivan followed Till all the way to their shared room that Hyuna had personally assigned them, “keep a close eye on him” she had said, “he's volatile.” —alongside something about Till being an ‘outcast, hard to like, and an emotionally insecure individual’ according to reports switching hands within the underground networks—they tended to be more brutally honest than the official flowery words advertised about the participants.
Ivan had been rescued from the slums and grown up within the rebellion surrounded by people he'd call family but he could understand the concept of never exactly belonging.
“Ha, that's new.” Ivan smiled, “Never been called a dog before but I have been referred to as a penniless vermin, trash belonging to the streets, and a useless good-for-nothing.”
Till's face relaxed in surprise, brows no longer furrowed, “You?” His tone was obvious in his mounting disbelief as he regarded Ivan.
“I wasn't born here, I grew up on the streets before I was found by Isaac so I know what it's like to be born with nothing. You want to get revenge? Strong enough to get back at those alien bastards?”
“W-what, I never…”
“I don't think you're aware of how much exactly I know about you.” Ivan said, “I watched your round, up there on that stage. I thought you had a bit more rebel spirit in you.”
“Fuck you.” Till said, but his eyes were a little shiny, voice shaky. Till's fingers clenched into fists like he was trying to hide his thoughts, etched like lines into his palms.“You don't know shit.”
“Besides your height, weight, and the obvious, there is a lot I do, believe it or not.” Ivan shrugged, “I know you have a tenacious spirit, you're not one to back down even if you're at a disadvantage, and you have a soft heart despite it all. I know that you've been helping around despite doctor's orders, that you've been spending time with the kids, teaching them to draw and singing them lullabies, and that you wait up when I take a while to return before falling asleep. I know you care, Till.”
They stared at each other, Till cheeks a little pink as silence stretched between them until Till sighed, stinging with guilt he questioned because what he felt for Ivan was further than something like pity. “I don't need that whole therapy bullshit but I'll do the exercising and…”
“You won't be doing it alone.” Ivan smiled, something a tad bit more genuine than his default; Ivan seemed too pristine, the over perfection was uncanny and Till wondered if anyone else noticed that when he smiled, Ivan's lips were perfectly curved on both sides and his dark eyes lacked light.
“You've got me and you can rely on me, even a little, yeah?”
Till averted his gaze, rubbing the back of his neck as he slowly nodded, his earlier frustration ebbing away like tides returning to the ocean. He must have been more tightly wound up than he thought.
“See you at dinner, Till.” Ivan waved as he walked back to who knows where and Till watched his disappearing back.
Till felt he at least owed a genuine effort towards Ivan.
The other had spent plenty of time on Till despite being busy as he was—teaching him about the way things worked with a patience Till was unfamiliar with and regardless of his frustrated outbursts.
Till sighed, opening his sketchbook that Ivan had gotten him and a piece of charcoal that Ivan had also gotten him—tongue sticking out in focus as he got that long mess of a hair shaped perfectly.
-
Till regretted agreeing to Ivan when he was woken up at an ungodly hour. He couldn't see the sun from where the room was located at the basement floor, but the mechanical clock ticking by the dim light of Ivan's lamp told Till enough as he blinked bleary eyes open.
“Do we have to start this early?”
“It's only 9 AM, Till. People usually wake an hour or two earlier than this.”
“Well those people are stupid.” Till grumbled as he got up, ignoring Ivan's amused laugh.
Till washed up clumsily before following Ivan, muffling a yawn behind his hand as they entered the mess hall and served themselves food—with Ivan pointing at different things he recommended Till included in his diet.
“Who even likes mushrooms? They're slimy and stick in your mouth.” Till said as he picked said mushroom up with his chopsticks.
“Mushrooms contain Vitamin B, D and antioxidants which I believe are things you need.” Ivan said as he scooped some rice neatly into his mouth, already half finished with his tray.
Till always wondered how Ivan managed to eat so fast yet not leave a mess behind. “I don't know what any of those are.”
“They're all good for you.” Ivan said, setting his utensils down once he was finished. He filled the silence, telling Till about random things like witnessing Dewey and Isaac's usual banter whenever he stopped by as he waited for Till to finish his food.
They went outside, Till rarely ventured out, preferring the solitude and warmth of their room where he could sketch or compose songs as he wished. The sun touched upon Till's skin comfortably, there was a light breeze but nothing Till couldn't handle.
Till walked beside Ivan, his limited endurance had really stagnated after being bedridden, he was never the athletic type to begin with but his legs ached less than an hour in.
Despite his win, Till had ended up taking a shot during the rebellion's escapade and had subsequently fallen unconscious—delirious with pain and fever, Ivan had taken it personally, ensuring Till was nursed to health despite knowing only the very basics of first aid and they had gotten a lot closer or at least Till had thought they had.
Till was pretty certain Ivan saw him as nothing but a troublemaker—Till shook the thought away, no, it was obvious Ivan didn't if Till could believe his words from yesterday— but it didn't stop Till from feeling inconsequential. Not that Ivan did something that made Till think that way but it was hard to read the man when his expressions ranged very little.
“During Thursday evenings,” Ivan suddenly said, breaking the comfortable silence as they walked, “Hyuna often sings at the bar downtown, there's also a few other rescuees from Alien Stage who go down there and sing too.”
“Sounds fun.” Till said, not really interested. Till had heard many things about Hyuna; Hyuna was his senior, from the previous contestants of Alien Stage, there was hardly anything he knew about her that didn't come from Isaac but apparently she was the candidate with the most potential before she ended up being taken in by the rebellion.
“Would you like to go there with me? It can get pretty rowdy but a change in scenery is nice every now and then.” Ivan pushed, not bothered by Till's mediocre reaction.
“Sure.” Til hummed, “Think I'll be allowed to sing there too?”
“There's no reason not to.” Ivan answered confidently. “Let's go back in, it's best not to strain yourself too much and there's a couple other things I plan for you to do.”
“Great.” Till responded with his limited enthusiasm at the reminder of what was to come.
-
It was loud, the floors practically shaking from the bass booming through the speakers that amplified the music and the voice of a face Till was familiar with.
There were plenty of people, Till presumed because Hyuna was singing and she was a hit according to what he had heard from the excited whispers passing by on their way here and the more he listened, he could understand why—the energy Hyuna brought was lighting his nerves with a buzz that usually came with him performing on stage.
Till wondered if she'd be up for a duet some time.
Till sat beside Ivan, glancing in all directions as he took in the surroundings, flashing neon lights that were the only source of light excluding the bar, a makeshift stage and- Till's thoughts stopped abruptly, incredulous as he turned to Ivan, “Is that a Segyein tied up to that pole?”
“We kidnap a few of them every once in a while.” Ivan smirked as he tossed his drink back.
Till was taking his own slowly, unaccustomed to alcohol with how Urak preferred hiding him away from socialisation, too shamefaced to parade a discounted pet like himself—Till didn't have a good track record when it came to formal occasions.
“So not only humans.” Till attempted at humour but Ivan seemed amused if the snort he made said anything.
“Got to get these skills from somewhere. How are you feeling so far?”
“I'm not sure.” Till replied, “It's loud and I've never seen lots of humans gather in one space.”
“I Imagine, I heard Anakt Garden had dozen or so children-”
“There were 19 of us.” Till automatically corrected, “15 of us were selected to participate in the competition.”
Ivan's thigh rested against Till, “Were you close with any of them?”
Till thought back, sure there were some he had spoken to, some of whose names he had remembered but Till couldn't really consider himself close as Ivan put it, not even Mizi who was mostly preoccupied with Sua.
“Not really, I was usually alone—not that I minded it.” Till quickly added in case Ivan felt anything like pity, he didn't need that. Not from anyone but especially not from Ivan, Till didn't want to be seen as some broken and abused puppet when he had fought so hard to be anything except that.
“I'm not much of a social butterfly either.” Ivan said as he sipped from his drink, another one that he had ordered, “I smile and nod when needed and get along fine but I'm not exactly close with anyone here either. Truth be told, crowded places aren't my style.”
“So why did you bring me here, aren't you uncomfortable?” The concern in Till's voice surprised even him.
Ivan regarded him for a second with crooked lips, swirling the strong alcohol in his glass as the melting ice clinked against it. “Pushing yourself outside your comfort zone is sometimes what life's worth living for, and…” Ivan trailed off, hiding his amusement as Till tilted his head eager to hear what Ivan would say, “Spending time with you like this isn't so bad.”
The brilliant flush of pink and the way Till's lips parted were worth being a tad vulnerable for, Ivan hummed in satisfaction—likening Till's eyes to seaglass he had seen glittering with the reflection of the sun memories ago.
-
Till didn't get to sing, underestimating the power of alcohol, he ended up dozing off on Ivan's shoulder much to his sober self's embarrassment that only worsened when he realised Ivan had also carried him all the way back.
They had formed a sort of routine, Till would never get used to waking up unnecessarily early but he noticed differences that proved Ivan's remarks about his deteriorating health. His muscles no longer ached and he wasn't out of breath from simply walking, Till felt better in ways he hadn't known he was missing.
Ivan had left him alone for the day, stating he had some work to do and when Till had tentatively gained the courage to ask, Ivan told him he was a mechanic.
Till wasn't sure what that entailed but Ivan had explained he basically fixed things and made things work.
Till dropped the dumbbell he had been curling by his feet, it was a meagre 5kg and Till had seen Ivan casually train with a 20 which irked him a little but it wasn't like Till was particularly trying to gain the muscle Ivan had nor did he have any interest in doing more than what he needed.
Till needed to be able to shoot a gun, how to fight, and how to be useful. He didn't want to remain with his feeble attempts where he fooled himself into believing he was making a difference. Raising the handgun was of his owm doing, he didn't know when but seeing Ivan in action when he rescued Till stirred an admiration and want to be strong like Ivan.
Thinking of Ivan made Till think of all sorts of unscrupulous thoughts that had been plaguing his mind ever since he had accidentally walked into a naked Ivan.
Till may be emotionally stunted but even he was not incapable of realising the growing crush he had on Ivan of all people.
It wasn't a fleeting thing as Till had initially wished it to be, he tried thinking of Mizi and knew he was truly fucked when the butterflies in his stomach didn't appear as much when compared to Ivan and Till only ended up feeling even more miserable. Till should have noticed sooner when his gaze would automatically search for Ivan–hearing his comforting voice as he taught Till things or the way Till was sensitive to the space Ivan took.
“Hey, what are you doing on the floor?” Ivan asked as the door slid open, there was a smear of oil across his cheek and his hair was tied half up. He was still wearing his work clothes, a fitted tank top with the top half of his jumpsuit tied at his waist.
“I don't know.” Till said, eyeing Ivan from where he lay, “You're back early.”
“I didn't have much to do besides a maintenance check. ” Ivan said as he removed his gloves from the bottom with his teeth, “Wait here.”
Till nodded and Ivan raised an eyebrow at his unusual obedience before entering the bathroom.
Till sighed, watching Ivan as he peeled of his top before the bathroom door closed, Ivan had broad shoulders that really emphasised the shape of his waist. His back too, was muscular, strength in Ivan's every move as his body worked. And above that, Ivan was kind and patient when needed, and a cocky asshole that managed to rile Till's nerves and leave him hot and flustered. Till wasn't blind to how attractive Ivan was either, he pulled people's gazes to him like a magnet and whilst he was hot, it wasn't what necessarily had people trying to sought him out.
Thinking about Ivan made Till shiver and his stomach flutter. Till exhaled, breathing out slowly than inhaled deeply, he pressed his thighs together as he stared at the blank ceiling. Ivan had pretty hands, with long fingers and rough palms that lingered on him whenever Ivan guided him through exercises. The most embarrassing was stretching, feeling Ivan apply pressure on various parts of his body with his hands combined with the tightness of Till's muscles being pushed to the limits made him ache-
“I was thinking,” Ivan said as he exited the bathroom and cut Till off his thoughts—who gasped silently—drying his hair, “we can start with the gun now. I'll just need to do a quick physical examination, what do you think?”
Till sat up, usual messy hair sticking in all four directions as he squinted at Ivan, “You can do physical examinations?”
“I'm a man of many talents.” Ivan shrugged, tossing the towel to dry over a heater before sitting down behind Till who unwittingly stiffined on feeling Ivan against his back, “Lift your arm up.”
Till did as Ivan told him, shivering as Ivan's hand wrapped around his upper arm, pressing down and feeling for his muscles with his fingers that sent little shocks down Till's spine when they brushed against the sensitive skin of his underarms.
“So-” Till winced as his throat croaked, he could already feel the tips of his ears radiating heat, “How long will this take?”
Ivan's thumb rubbing circles against the sensitive skin under his arm came to a stop, “Am I making you feel uncomfortable? Does it hurt?”
“No! I'm just looking forward to-uh being useful.” Till answered a little too fast for his liking.
“You're plenty useful without needing to fight on the front lines.” Ivan said and Till could hear the slight disapproval in his tone.
“I didn't mean it like that! Just…I want to do something and I know I can do something also, It's not that I want to be on the front lines.”
Till knew there were other ways he could contribute to the rebellion, Hyuna had come up to him asking him how he'd feel about teaching the kids drawing since he was already doing it, she said she might as well pay him for it.
Till had never thought he'd be one to take on a position like that—he was rough around the edges, spoke crudely, was always the centre of a fight, and was bought discounted for being faulty even though he'd never allow his worth to be measured by those segyein bastards. All in all, Till was the complete opposite of someone who could take care of someone, a lot of little someones.
“And it's not that I think I'm weak either.” Till had to affirm himself and Ivan hummed, moving his fingers in a way that was soothing. “It's just better.”
“Just better.” Ivan repeated, “I wasn't planning on getting in your way to begin with. Since you've come to a decision on your own, I'll support your resolve.”
Ivan's words whispered against Till's ear was just as reassuring as it was flustering, he managed to squeak out a “Thanks.”
Ivan chuckled at that and the sound tickled Till's stomach, “No need to thank me.”
-
Ivan trailed behind Till as Till walked over to Suho who oversaw the security of the weapons locked in a room.
Till fidgeted with slight impatience as Ivan made pleasant talk before logging in the gun model they were using alongside Till's name. Suho nodded at something Ivan said before leaving as Ivan guided Till with a hand on his lower back he was a bit too overly conscious of.
“There were a couple of things I noticed when you were holding the gun.”
“Just say I sucked big time damn it.” Till grumbled beneath his breath.
“Nobody expects perfection the first time. Show me your form when you aim.”
Till did, holding the gun with his right hand, “Like this?”
“Not quite.” Ivan said before he was pressed against Till's back and Till's breath hitched. “Lke this.”
Ivan lifted Till's other arm and guided his fingers so they both grasped onto the sides of the gun, pressing his chest against Till's back, Ivan's lips brushing against Till's ear, “Spread your legs—shoulder width apart.”
Till stifled an embarrassing sound before it could escape his throat, his focus wasn't on the gun but Ivan enclosing around him. Till could smell Ivan's cologne and it did funny things to his body, stirring up his insides in a way that left him distracted by all the things Ivan could do to him.
“I think I've got it.” Till said, voice coming out a little more breathless than he intended, “Ivan-”
“Focus, Till. Eyes on the target and place your right thumb over your left, mmn, exactly like that.” Ivan said as he fixed Till's grip and folded his fingers around the grip beneath the trigger. “When you aim, align your left eye with the top here and focus on using this, not your target.”
Till squeezed his eyes before opening them, ignoring the blood rushing beneath his heated skin as he closed his non dominant eye, biting at his lower lip with shaking hands as he felt Ivan grip move from his arms to steady at his waist, “Press it.”
A bang sounded, startling Till as he glanced at the target. The bullet was a few inches off but there was clear improvement, “You did pretty good.”
“Quit kidding around.” Till huffed but his chest puffed a little at Ivan's praise.
“What would it take for you to believe me?” Ivan asked as he moved a hand to palm over Till's lower stomach. Till jolted but Ivan's hold stopped him from moving away, Till glanced down and the sight of Ivan's hand and fingers stretching over his quivering tummy sent heat down his groin, if Ivan pressed down...he would be pressing over Till's womb and that thought had Till bite his lip.
“You're standing too close.” Till managed, blaming the heat of the outside for the way sweat dripped down his nape.
“You make it difficult. Do you know exactly how hard it is to keep my eyes away from you?” Ivan murmured, lips brushing against the shell of Till's ear. “You're shaking.”
“Wh-What! It's because you're touching me everywhere!”
“Mhn, If you really want me to stop, tell me and I will.” Ivan's hands tugged at the hem of Till's sweatpants and a gasp escaped Till's mouth, “Eyes on your target, Till.”
“You'll be my target next, bastard.” Till mumbled shakily, when Ivan's fingers delved below his boxers, he almost lost his balance until Ivan shoved his thigh between Till's legs.
“Careful, your posture is important.”
Till inhaled sharply, he could feel the heat of Ivan's clothed dick pressed against his lower back, his arms trembling as if the weight of the gun in his hand was more than it was.
The proximity was driving Till insane, he couldn't concentrate and the next three shots were embedded into the wall.
“Hm, that was an accelerative regression.” Ivan observed before turning his smug attention to a red Till, “Is there a problem?”
“No!” Till squeaked, “I think I've got it!”
Internally all Till could focus on was the way Ivan's hand rested above his pelvis, not moving any further but the calluses of his palm against his skin stirred an unfamiliar heat, different from when Till was merely imagining Ivan touching him where he could feel Ivan, hear his voice rough against Till's ears, and smell his signature scent that acted like a drug. Till knew his underwear was wet without having to check.
Ivan's hand pressed down and a whimper escaped Till's mouth at the sudden pleasure as his insides clenched in pure want, the gun clattered to the floor some distance away, magazine empty, a hollow echo resounded in the room until all that was left was Till's heavy breaths.
Till could feel Ivan's smile, lips curling by his ear and he knew the asshole was enjoying watching Till unravel by his hands.
“If you're sure.” Ivan said, voice lower than usual and Till could feel the way he throbbed with want but all too soon Ivan was stepping back and Till's legs gave away.
“Did I push you too much?” Ivan asked, kneeling down on one knee as he assessed Till's watery eyes and flushed cheeks.
"N-no." Till stuttered out, chest heaving as if he had run across the whole rebellion camp.
Ivan's jaw clenched with restraint, Till was really testing his patience and Ivan was far from oblivious to Till's own lingering gaze. He had been slow in his approach, certain the other's experience was limited but Till was so receptive and pliant despite the words leaving his bratty mouth.
“I'm gonna go die in a hole.” Till whined dramatically, covering his face and feeling slightly pathetic at how simply being touched by Ivan had left him crumpled into a heap. “Why do you do this to me?” Till turned all blame to Ivan, peeking through his fingers with a glare.
Ivan reached out and took hostage of one of Till's hands, squeezing his fingers within his as he tilted his head, “What do I do to you, Till?”
“Quit acting innocent! You-You-ugh, you touched me.”
“I did.” Ivan nodded.
Before Till could insult Ivan and his annoyingly handsome and infuriating self, a crisp knock sounded and Till jerked away from Ivan.
Ivan watched him for a few moments—an expression Till had never seen before that made his breath hitch crossed Ivan's face, his gaze hungry and for a second, Till thought Ivan would grab his ankle and drag him towards him but the knock sounded again followed by Suho's voice.
Till swallowed as Ivan clicked his tongue, with some annoyance on his face as he glanced at the door before standing up. Till followed behind, finding some strength in his legs as Ivan helped him up and picked up the forgotten handgun.
“Did everything go well?”
Till nodded at Suho's question, Suho's smile faltered when he glanced at Ivan who simply nodded at him and answered with a brisk thanks before leaving.
“Uh, did I interrupt something?”
“Nope.” Till denied suspiciously fast as he flashed Suho an awkward smile and rushed past the confused man.
-
Till was supposedly asleep by the time Ivan returned from wherever he had disappeared too, his practice in even-ing his breaths flew out the window as he felt footsteps nearing his bed and Ivan linger behind him.
Ivan didn't call Till out as he ran his fingers through Till's hair, “Sleep well.” Was all he said into the silence before turning away and clambering onto his own bed.
Till stuffed his face into his pillow, heart racing from his earlier memories, the ghost of Ivan's touch lingered on his body despite how thoroughly he had scrubbed and for the first time, Till was curious enough to explore the burning sensation.
It had started with a tentative stroke of his index finger, he had only ever touched his vagina to wash it but he had a different goal beneath the shower. He hadn't felt anything at first, merely rubbing between his folds until he started imagining Ivan's fingers replacing his and had hurriedly stifled a moan as he let his hand delve to circle around his throbbing entrance, slick with arousal.
Till squeezed his thighs together at the memory, curling his legs up, his body felt hot and the reminder of how he had cried out Ivan's name as he fingered himself open, feeling pathetically empty kept him unable to fall asleep.
-
“Fuck me.” Till muttered, staring at the scoop of rice he had dropped into his bowl of jjamppong, he was fighting the lack of sleep he had catching up to him as he tearily blinked another yawn back.
“Someone didn't sleep.” Ivan said opposite him, “Also, was that an offer?”
Till flushed red, he didn't have the energy to argue against the very asshole plaguing him both in and out his dreams. Instead, he replied with a pitiful “Get lost.” that held the opposite of any bite.
Ivan laughed, “I'm afraid, no can do. I think it's best if you take a nap after this. I'll be going out for a mission soon, so make sure you don't fall back on your training.”
At that, Till's head snapped up, something close to concern and something else he couldn't quite define but the prospect seemed to alight his nerves as if in preparation. “Are you going back to the Alien Stage?”
“Yeah, there's a couple things Hyuna needed, rescuing you was just the beginning.”
“Can I come?” Till asked, all traces of being tired leaving as he thought about a familiar head of pink.
Till had felt slightly guilty whenever he was reminded of Mizi, the first week or so with the rebels made him feel on edge as he was taken without being able to see Mizi's reaction. His song, Unknown was a confession as much as it was to gain some sort of attention from Mizi, his savior against Urak. Till failed to realise how heavily he had relied on Mizi until he had been rescued— he wouldn't lie to himself, Till had initially attempted to get strong so he could go back and save her; he didn't want her to die at the hands of the segyein's sick pleasure. Till had never questioned his devotion to Mizi, who was like a goddess until he met Ivan who was the complete opposite of her yet had his feelings questioned.
Ivan was real, he didn't feel as far away— if Till reached for Ivan's hand, he would be able hold it. Ultimately, Till's goal remained the same but the reasons behind it had altered within the flutter of a butterfly's wing.
“Is there something or someone you left behind? A friend or…a lover?” Ivan asked, usual smile remaining on his face but his eyes spoke differently—colder, a bit more on edge.
“A friend.” Till answered, oblivious to the atmosphere that was growing stifling, thoughts stuck on a distant memory of a gentle smile and the ghost of a touch drifting away like a balloon with no one to hold its string. “An important friend.”
Ivan observed Till, the determination in his faraway gaze before he reached over and ruffled Till's hair, watching as Till’s expression morphed into mild annoyance and despite it, didn't attempt to push Ivan away.
“Actually, there was another contestant that Isaac and Dewey saved a week after you. Not to mention, the seventh round will begin and all the preparations have already been made.
“When?” Till asked immediately, "and who?"
“The former is confidential information.” Ivan answered with an easy grin, like snatching away carrion before an eager predator and dangling it in front of its nose. His grin turned coy, weighing his options and interest in betting on his own prediction. “What do I get from answering the last?”
Till stared at Ivan as if the other had spawned two heads. His head hurt as he thought hard of what he could give Ivan, it wasn't like Till had much to offer—thinking back to the books he had been desperate enough to search for with pink cheeks—before coming to a decision.
Ivan looked at Till in anticipation, curious about what Till would offer, “ A blow- blow job.”
Ivan's thoughts came to a screeching halt, chopsticks clanging as they hit his metal tray.
“What?”
“What!?”
“Well…I did not expect that.” Ivan said slowly, still processing the hows, whys, and the what's. His world came to a dizzying stop as he blinked, Till could hear the gears turning in Ivan's head.
“I thought that was what you wanted?”
“What I wanted?”
At Ivan's words, Till felt the heat in his body freeze, as he asked a confused "You don't..."
Was Till being too bold? Was Ivan just teasing him yesterday? Was that how friends behaved? Did Till read it all wrong? Of course Till would be wrong—when had he ever been desired like that? He had nothing to give Ivan, nothing Ivan would want from someone like him. His heart dropped as all kinds of unsavory thoughts crossed his mind and his gut twisted uncomfortably.
“I think-”
What was he thinking? regret tasted bitter in his mouth, almost rancid as bile crawling its way up his irritated throat and the urge to not see more of his failure.
Till was overcome with the need to stand up and bolt as an unsettling feeling heavy with discomfort and his own pride disintegrated before him like leftover ash from a pit of burning wood. He wanted to get away from the visible shock on Ivan's face that seemed to morph into something unreadable through his bleary vision. He needed to leave, right now before he said anything else, Till stumbled standing up as he did just that.
Till missed the way panic pulled at Ivan to grab Till's wrist in an attempt to anchor him back with reassurance but by then, Till had already left with frantic feet slamming against the floor, desperation dragging his body away.
“Fuck.”
-
Till hid in the library, his stomach was growling at the reminder of his half eaten breakfast and the stashed measly snack he ate and it had been hours since then.
The library was the last place Ivan would search for—Till shook away that thought, Ivan wouldn't concern himself to that extent. Till could sum up Ivan's treatment to a debt and there was no need for Ivan to expand anything more than that in terms of being kind.
Till had pretty much recovered, he'd go up to Hyuna tomorrow and ask if there was somewhere further than here he could be useful at-
“Till? Are you here?”
Till startled as he heard a familiar voice followed by rushing footsteps enter the library. It was a massive space with endless shelves, featuring novels of all kinds of genres and even served as the rebellion's archive— and Till had chosen an overshadowed corner in the far end to hide behind.
“Ivan? You can't just come in and yell like that.” A male voice spoke in a berating tone.
Till clenched his fists, tensing as he peeked from the corner, he couldn't see Ivan but he could hear him and even with how fragile the pieces of his heart were, Ivan’s voice seemed to pull at it like heart strings attached to his vocal chords, demanding Till's consciousness.
“Sorry, Matthew. Have you seen a young man with hair the colour of ash? He's about this tall and was dressed in black-”
“Woah, Did a prisoner escape? Does Hyuna know? I've never seen you this panicked before. Most genuine emotion I've seen on ya face actually, kiddo-”
“No. I've been looking for him since this morning, he's my roommate.”
“What? You got into an argument with him?”
“Um, Ivan, I think I know who you're talking about.” A female voice spoke up causing Till to tense, he didn't want to be found, not right now where he couldn't bear to face Ivan, especially with how Till knew how pathetic of a joke he must have acted.
His actions always reacted faster than his thoughts, stumbling through life awkwardly and he regretted often more times than not when he opened his mouth or allowed frustration to eat away.
“I saw him come here in the afternoon, he looked like he was crying-”
“Did you bully the kid-”
“Where did he go?” Ivan asked, the desperation in his voice palpable. Till's insides quivered at it, mind warring with wanting to see Ivan and wanting to hide away until Till would maybe get lucky enough that Ivan would forget his fumbling.
“I-I'm not sure, I saw him enter but I left for an hour. I think he went somewhere over there if he's still there.”
“Thanks, Tia.”
The sound of footsteps moving closer had Till hug himself as if his arms could provide the support his mind lacked, he didn't want Ivan to find him, not like this. He had definitely overreacted earlier, Till had remained in his mind since he had run away and thinking back Till should have simply played it off and treated it like a joke.
“Till?” The voice was soft and low, like Ivan was coaxing a scared kitten to come out. His steps were closer yet irregular as if he was unsure exactly where Till could be, “Till? I'm sorry, if you're here can you let me know if you're safe?”
The gentle tone made tears brim to the surface. Till wasn't sure why it hurt so much, the way Ivan treated him was tender despite how he would tease and annoy Till, provoking reactions and feelings Till had never felt before— things that left him confused, unsure, and still wanting more of what Ivan made him feel.
“Ivan...”
“Till?”
Till could hear the way Ivan paused before moving in his direction and panicked, “Don't! Don't come closer.”
Ivan stopped, “Till, I think there's been a misunderstanding.”
“It's fine.” Till sniffed, “I was just being an idiot, sorry.”
Ivan sucked in a breath, his own head was in turmoil. It had taken him a while to understand the way Till's mind worked, he had never really made the effort or was interested in the inner workings of a person before. Typically, everyone reacted in a way Ivan had already calculated based on what he knew about them. Till was an enigma he could never predict accurately, a never ending mystery like opening Pandora's box except where Pandora unleashed all sorts of bad things thoughtlessly, Ivan had never regretted meeting Till despite second guessing himself.
“No, if anything I should be apologising. What I said was thoughtless and came off wrong, I- listen, sometimes I forget that the things you've seen are completely different from what I have seen. It feels like I've known you for longer than I have and sometimes I act like an idiot.”
“You're not…” Till mumbled defensively.
A breathless chuckle sounded from Ivan, “I am. What I wanted to say was that everything we did, I wanted it. Did you?”
Till rested his cheek on his knees, he stared at the books for a second before whispering out a hoarse, “Yeah.”
“Till…can I come closer?”
“Mmhn.”
Till raised his head as Ivan appeared, his hair was ruffled and hanging loose by his neck, crouching down to meet Till's eyes, Ivan tentatively lifted a hand and cupped Till's cheek. “I was worried.”
Till's expression morphed into confusion, nuzzling against Ivan's hand, “Why?”
“Because you left so suddenly and I thought I fucked up-well I did but I'm glad I found you. Will you come back with me, Till?”
Till nodded, almost missing Ivan's warmth as he stood up before Ivan reached a hand out and Till grabbed it as Ivan pulled him up.
Till stumbled into Ivan's arms, legs having fallen asleep being crouched in the same position for a few hours and he flushed pink against Ivan's chest when Ivan's arm wrapped around his waist.
-
Dinner was a quiet affair, there was a slight tension that hung between Ivan and Till as they ate, sharing furtive glances as Ivan's foot tapped beside Till's shoe beneath the table that worked to reassure Till whenever his mind made him second guess himself.
Till couldn't stop his knees from bouncing up and down, shaking his arm as he ate and inadvertently ending up making more of a mess than intended.
Ivan's dark eyes seemed composed as they regarded Till's obvious nervousness, but the intensity behind his gaze was closer to entrapping than it was a simple glance and he failed at acting like he wasn't paying attention.
“If you keep at this you're going to end up here all night trying to fill yourself up.” Ivan said with an easy smile, neither mocking or overly considerate, casual enough to prick at Till's skin.
The tension seemed to drain, Till's shoulders lowering despite the frown now furrowing his brows as he shot a dirty look at Ivan. “It's your fault for wanting to be mysterious, couldn't we just eat in our room?”
Ivan's eyes seemed to brighten significantly at Till's words, a slight satisfaction in the way Till referred to their room boiled inside him.
“I don't think it's a conversation meant for others' ears. Especially considering where we initially left off.” Ivan pointedly replied, relishing in the pink creeping up Till’s cheeks the moment he registered Ivan's intent.
“Finish your meal.” Ivan jerked his chin in Till's direction before the other could splutter out an insult.
Till scoffed but did as he was told, eagerness winning over the need for rebuttal.
Till concentrated on eating his food, making sure to chew properly lest he choke under Ivan's reminder before he was rubbing his belly in satisfaction and looking at Ivan expectantly.
“Done.”
Ivan made an amused sound, reaching over to brush away a grain of rice with his thumb from Till's lips before popping it in his mouth. “Let's go back to our room then.”
-
Till sat expectantly on his bed, “So…”
“I need to clarify some things.” Ivan started, “I like you. I think you're perfect.”
“Wha-what!” Till stared at Ivan, embarrassment easily read on his face at Ivan's blatant and unexpected remark. Till held his breath as Ivan nudged his knee against Till's leg as he moved closer. They had done more but the simple contact seemed to sear into Till's skin.
“You're not so bad yourself.” Till muttered, unable to look at Ivan with the way his attention fell on Till.
“I'm glad you find me hot.”
“I didn't say any of that!” Till nearly choked on his words, “You're worse than me at dodging conversations.”
Ivan laughed at that, “I'm surprised you noticed but I wasn't lying.”
“Ugh whatever, get to the point.”
“I forgot to mention this earlier, but the other contestant we rescued was Mizi. Do you know her?”
“She's safe?” Till asked and Ivan nodded.
“She's under Hyuna's care and is doing well for herself, she didn't get injured.” Ivan answered with a chuckle as he recalled Hyuna recounting the mission. “But she sure did hurt her competition which led to some complications. Do you want to see her?”
Till thought before shaking his head, satisfied enough with what Ivan told him. If Mizi was with Hyuna, she would be fine and she never really did struggle getting along with others. Till had never been as close to Mizi as he wished, satisfied with watching from afar, he would be terrible at anything else.
“Mizi doesn't need me.” Till said in simple acceptance. “I'm sure we can catch up later.
“Fair,” Ivan nodded as he moved from where he was standing to sit opposite Till, his weight almost dragging Till down and Till had to shift himself upwards.
“I believe you're fairly new to things like this.” Ivan said seriously, the sudden change of subject caught Till off guard. “This isn't transactional, and we can take things slow, I rushed things earlier and I must have confused you...”
It was true Till knew next to nothing about how relationships worked but hearing it only made him feel small. Anakt Garden was but a fraction of anything remotely normal, they were brought up with their basic needs met, Till's questionably since he wasn't Urak's favourite which meant he often went neglected. His passion was what kept him alive. His social experience was lacking and being in the rebellion made it more obvious though Till doubted their normals could even converge.
Till didn't take offence to the fact he wouldn't be the same but being seen as something else entirely due to his lack of knowledge brought him back to the disappointed mockery cursed beneath Urak's breath when Till's first evaluation was sent to him. Urak never bothered checking again.
“You think-You think I said all that because I was confused?” Till asked, incredulity not leaving either his words or expression as anger burnt raw and made the words Till spat out like venom, “I'm not fucking stupid, Ivan.”
There was a tense silence, Till's teal eyes boring into Ivan's face, “I didn't say that-”
“No but you're clearly acting like I am. I am capable of thinking, believe it or not.” Till's unhidden sarcasm sticking to his words as Ivan swallowed roughly, the movement had Till's eyes briefly flicker below Ivan's lips.
“Are you telling me,” Ivan started through a clenched jaw, tension locking his muscles like an unbearable weight heavy with raw need as he carefully looked at Till through perfectly polished lenses. Ivan continued in a separate breath, “that you really wanted to suck my dick?”
“Yeah?!” Till said automatically, it wasn't a lie, Till had embarrassingly enough imagined doing the things he had learnt from the erotica—stashed in the library once he managed to read said erotica without wanting to toss the book into a lake for fish to chew—with Ivan.
“You're going to be the death of me.” Ivan said it like he was surrendering but the fiery passion burning behind his agate pupils held promises that heated the blood beneath Till's skin.
“I hate you.” Till mumbled with agitation, “You're a selfish prick who thinks he knows everything.”
Ivan raised a brow at that, taking it as a challenge, “Yeah?”
“You're so annoying.”
“What else?”
“...”
Till clenched his hands where they rested over his bed sheets, he squinted at Ivan as if daring the bastard to make any sly comments. He couldn't help the way he kept looking at Ivan's lips whose grin stretched only further, showcasing his sharp snaggletooth peeking above his plump lower lip.
“Hurry up and kiss me.”
Till watched as Ivan reached for him, his body leaning over Till until he lay staring up at Ivan with a thrumming heart. The ceiling was out of focus, Ivan's dark hair untied and dangling by his face. When he moved closer, lips brushing against Till's own that parted expectantly, the ends of his hair tickled Till's face.
Till closed his eyes at the sensation, breath escaping him as Ivan kissed him. Ivan's tongue easily slipped its way inside and Till’s fingers twitched by his side, reaching for Ivan and landing on his clothes, tugging him closer until most of Ivan's weight rested over his and Till relaxed into the kiss.
When they parted for air, Till held Ivan's gaze for a second before looking away much to Ivan’s amusement, “Cute.”
The single word held so much fondness Till couldn't manage an indignant response, his cheeks flushed a dark pink and he was glad the light was dim beneath the glow of a single lamp so Ivan couldn't tease him ruthlessly for it.
Ivan pressed his lips against Till's once more and Till could feel the way Ivan's smile relaxed against his mouth, heat like sparks flickered everytime Ivan moved his lips and Till lost himself in the comfort until the movements became rougher, more needy.
“Ivan-ngh-” Till gasped, shivering as Ivan's hand dipped between their bodies as if memorising Till's body before slipping into the opening of the tank top's straps and slipping three fingers to rest over Till's naked chest. Till shuddered as Ivan's pointer thumbed over a perked nipple, arching his chest as if asking for more but Ivan removed his hand, dragging it down until he tugged at the hem of Till's tank top as if asking for permission.
Till nodded and Ivan pulled away, removing Till's shirt, leaving his torso bare before tugging off his own shirt.
The difference in their build was more apparent, Ivan with corded muscle, arms flexing as he adjusted Till's position so he could sit between Till's parted legs.
Till panted lowly, chest raising and falling with every exhale as his lungs caught up to the oxygen Ivan stole.
“You're so pretty.” Ivan murmured in a way that seemed his breath was stolen from him as he watched Till's lithe body shudder and twitch wherever his hands touched like he was sensitive to Ivan's touch.
“Don't you get tired of saying embarrassing-ugh forget it.” Till hid his face behind his elbow, thigh tensing when he felt Ivan palm over them.
“But it's true.” Ivan murmured, his voice lower than usual. The mattress creaked as Ivan shifted his weight, his clothed dick pressed up between Till's thighs as he bent down and slid his long fingers between Till's trembling hand. “Are you scared?”
“No!” Till wrenched his arm away, dragging Ivan's hand with the movement, “Just hurry up.”
Ivan huffed, “So impatient.”
Till opened his mouth, complaints warring on the tip of his tongue before Ivan untangled their hands and pulled down Till's pants and boxers in go.
Till squeaked, bringing his knees up in an attempt to cover himself, “What are you doing!?”
“You told me to ‘hurry up’.” Ivan said, going the extra mile to specifically quote Till with his fingers, “Or are you backing away already?”
The challenge ignited something and despite the tremble in his legs, Till cursed and spread them open. His wariness was demolished at the way Ivan's gaze immediately flickered down and groaned as he pushed Till's thighs apart further.
“You're pretty here too.” Ivan commented once his brain and mouth reconnected. Till was wet, blood rushing down making the sensitive skin a blushed pink. Ivan trailed two fingers down before separating Till's folds, swallowing at the connecting string of slick.
Till glanced down, he didn't have to touch himself to know he was dripping wet, Ivan’s commentary nearly delirious with praise about how wet and pretty and delicious his pussy looked left Till squirming, coupled with how Ivan glided his fingers from the hood of his clit to the slit of his trembling hole.
Ivan slid one finger inside, “You're so warm inside.”
“Shu-shut up!” Till moaned, overly focused on the way he bore down around Ivan's finger delving deeper until Ivan's knuckle nudged at Till's entrance. It felt better than when he did it, Ivan's fingers were bigger than his.
“You don't need to tell me everything!”
Ivan laughed at that, the sound leaving his chest breathless in awe as he slid another finger into Till's welcoming heat and relished in the clench upon his intrusion.
“Okay, okay.” Ivan placated, kissing Till’s feverish cheek and leading his lips to Till's open mouth.
Till gasped into Ivan's mouth as Ivan thumbed at his clit, spreading his arousal and building friction that sent pleasure shooting to his curled toes. He grasped at Ivan's arms, feeling the taut skin stretched over firm muscles, Till dragged his hand down, marvelling the strength that seemed to ripple in Ivan's movements as he thrusted sloppily inside Till's cunt.
The wet sounds of their lips meeting and Ivan's fingers opening Till echoed off the walls and if Till was entirely conscious he would have been too shamefaced but he was drunk on the mounting pleasure coiling tightly inside him everytime Ivan's fingers brushed his sensitive hole—until Ivan hooked his fingers up on a certain spot and sent shockwaves down Till spine.
Till came with a muffled moan of Ivan's name.
Till was too dazed to pay attention, his hands dropping to his side as his brain swam with pleasure—still coming down from his high until Ivan was peering down at him as he hitched Till's legs higher, lifting his hips to rest over a pillow.
“Breathe out.” Ivan said, lips spit slicked and Till wanted to bite them until he remembered he did somewhere a few seconds ago.
“Ivan…” Till murmured with an exhale and Till felt something thick push into his entrance until it popped in. He shuddered with a gasp, it was bigger and hotter than Ivan's fingers and with curiosity he leant on his elbows to peek down.
“Wha-What?”
“I'm going to fuck you Till.” Ivan answered through a clenched jaw, eyes burning with visceral need that was held back with restraint thinner than a fraying rope.
“Your dick- that's your dick?” Till asked in both fear and arousal. Till had caught glances of it soft but seeing it hard and throbbing against his virgin hole sent shivers down his spine, wondering if the whole thing could even fit.
Ivan sensed Till's apprehension, he pressed Till's shoulders down gently and followed, nuzzling his face against Till's cheek and making sure not to push himself deeper, “It's okay, I'll start slow.”
Till nodded, still unsure but he trusted Ivan enough knowing his own experience came down to his own fingers and fiction.
Ivan slowly slid his cock inside, feeding the length whilst watching Till's expression for any sign of pain. There was some slight discomfort at the unfamiliar stretch, Till's brow occasionally pinched together but other than that, Till looked like he didn't want Ivan to stop.
Till's hole squeezed around Ivan sporadically as if encouraging Ivan and it wasn't long until he was balls deep inside of Till. Sweat dripped down his forehead and the sight of Till—whining with flushed cheeks, barely holding his tears as he settled around Ivan's dick buried inside him nearly pushed Ivan to cum.
“Fuck.” Ivan groaned, thrusting his hips experimentally. Marvelling at the soft protrusion beneath Till's womb where his dick fit, Ivan pressed a hand there and Till arched into the touch with a shaky gasp.
“Hurry the fuck-ah-” Till pleaded, his insides were twitching like crazy, the slight curve of Ivan's dick pressed against his sensitive spots driving him nearly mad with how good it felt, Till was so close to begging just as Ivan snapped his hips up.
Till sobbed as Ivan fucked into Till, movements gaining speed, “You asked for this.” Ivan rasped, voice thick in his throat.
“Fuc-Fuck you.” Till retorted but his voice wobbled as he careened of the edge, grasping desperately at Ivan's shoulders, nails digging into sweat slicked skin like he was trying to drag Ivan impossibly closer.
“I'm already fucking you, baby.” Ivan drawled against Till's ear before sticking out a tongue to lick at the tears escaping Till’s eyes with a groan.
Ivan was close, Till's pussy clenched around his cock as if begging Ivan to keep it inside but every thrust of his hips was enough to drive him crazy. It was hot and wet, their mixed fluids dripping down Till's thigh, sticking to Ivan's balls whenever he pressed into Till.
Ivan tested Till’s flexibility, hooking Till's knee over his shoulders as he bore down. Till's hips raised at the new position and he could feel everything so much deeper.
“I'm gonna cum-ngh-gonna cum again-” Till choked on his sobs, thighs shaking beneath Ivan's chest and fingers clawing at the sheets beside his head.
“Mn, me too, let's cum together.” Ivan murmured, pressing his hips and grinding his pelvis against Till's clit, adding to the stimulation of his sensitive walls clamping down around Ivan's dick before Till came with a soundless cry— dragging Ivan with him as Ivan's hips stilled inside for a second with a groan before continuing to rock against Till, prolonging both of their orgasms.
“Fuck…” Till whispered once Ivan slowly released his legs. They fell pliantly over the soaked sheets. Till was still blinking the stars from his vision when Ivan returned sometime between him being lost from his high to gaining consciousness with a towel soaked in warm water.
“Does anything hurt?” Ivan asked, making sure to be careful as he wiped down Till’s swollen cunt.
“Ugh-No.” Till shook his head, “Isn't your dick too big?”
“Hm? Is it?” Ivan answered as he carried Till to his bed and tucked him into his side.
Till snuggled against Ivan's arm, drowsiness tugging at him, “We still have stuff to talk about…” Till mumbled between a yawn, “Also your dick is…too…big to suck…”
Ivan's chest moved as he laughed and Till grumbled something nonsensical as he fell asleep, safe in Ivan's arms.
-
“Till!”
“Mizi.” Till nodded at her awkwardly as she stood up, tears welling in her chartreuse eyes. Strangely enough, he didn't feel flustered when she ran over to hug him, sniffling against his chest as he patted her hair in an attempt of comfort.
It was a surprise when Ivan told Till the person they had managed to save was Mizi, he was glad she was safe. Apparently Mizi had kicked it off with Hyuna, she looked better than the last time he saw her but it was obvious losing Sua would be a wound that would stick with her forever.
“I'm so glad you're safe.” Mizi managed with a wobbly smile.
“Me too.” Till replied, squeezing her once before letting go. He turned back to see Ivan watching both of them, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.
Mizi glanced at Ivan as she wiped back her tears before pulling Till down with a tug so she could whisper, “I'm glad you have him.”
“Wha-What do you mean?” Till exclaimed much to Mizi's delight, his complexion acting like a traitor as Till flushed pink knowing full well what Mizi was insinuating.“I-It's nothing like that!”
Mizi raised a disbelieving brow accompanied with a pat on Till's shoulder like she had matured over the short course of her being here; deciding it was her turn to comfort the younger. Being the only two remotely close rescuees from the 50th class led to a relationship not easily perceived by others, something akin to mutual survival and poorly learnt emotional connection.
A light clearing of a throat had Mizi back away as both sets of attention fell on Ivan. Till didn't have the chance to indignantly defend himself to Mizi, not that he could make a compelling case for himself with his own body flustering at every overly conscious manner belonging to Ivan.
“I have something to talk about with Hyuna, it was nice seeing you again Till.” Mizi said, a glint in her eyes that shone through despite the murky amber, shadows of a soul she would never be rid of.
“We also have something to take care of.” Ivan spoke up as he neared them. Till automatically stiffened at the heavy arm that swung over his shoulders, inevitably dragging his weight into Ivan.
“We do?” Till asked, slightly distracted by Ivan's body heat, his body and his attractive scent.
“Yup.” Ivan dragged, “Remember what we talked about a few nights ago, I also promised you last night…”
“Last night?” Mizi's eyes widened, “Excuse me! Let's catch up more later, Till!”
Till watched in mortification as Mizi scuttled away faster than he had ever seen her move before turning to Ivan, “She's going to misunderstand.”
Ivan shrugged, “I don't see the issue. What she's thinking off is more true than it is not.”
Till groaned, wondering what he had done to deserve Ivan becoming more unhinged as if Till had given him the green flag to continue torturing him. Well, Till did, he just wouldn't say it outright because that meant admitting he liked and enjoyed Ivan's freak of a nature mannerisms.