We must do better: Letters to Clancy

by trulymadly_larry

Summary:

"We must do better, Clancy. We must do better"

Tyler has returned and he has a mission: to take down the Bishops. As Josh and him build a plan to end the suppressive reign, Tyler begins to change. He grows more isolated and perhaps too confident in his own abilities.

While their plan continues to come to life, Clancy starts to take over Tylers. An inner battle for control is inevitable. But can Josh safe his soulmate this time before it's too late?

Notes:

I am not much of a writer, neither is english my first language, but i enjoy writing. With Breach coming up i felt inspired enough to write this. This is only one of approximmately 1000 works with the same plot or inspiration. The navigating mv really did traumatize us. Anyway, this is mainly just for me and those who have somehow found this fic. And i thank you for that. Enjoy...

Chapter 1

Tyler has returned.

The sunshine is warm on his face, the wind in his hair refreshing, the smell of salt in the air comforting.

The cliffs in front of him are steep, as he lets his gaze wander over the ocean. The waves are pulling and pushing his memories around as the sunset dips them in an orange glaze. Despite the ocean's dangerous nature, Tyler feels at ease. At least for the moment.

Between his fingers, he is still fiddling with the envelope he had found on this very rock just hours earlier. How long has it been since he's been given the last one? How long has he actually been away? Cut off from the Banditos?

Reuniting with Josh had made everything feel far more distant, as Tyler's memories had made it out to be.

Technically Tyler hadn't even reunited with Josh. But with Torchbearer instead. Their intimate nights lay far behind them. All there is now is TB and Clancy. At least for the time being.

He opens the envelope, his heart racing in his chest.

All these years, locked away in Dema, all this time spent on Voldsøy... The screams, the silence, the pleas, the pain: it all had come to an end. And now, he is sitting here again, with another letter from his old friend.

It feels surreal and comforting at the same time.

The little piece of paper feels heavy in his hands. The emotions attached to it almost pull him underneath the very tide he had been staring at all day. The words blur in his vision, but it's undoubtedly his friend's handwriting:

"Dear Clancy,

You are what they said you were. I see the weathering on your face, and the journey you've been on. Although we were away, I hope that you know I never left you. It's time, Clancy.
They believe in the movement. They are ready for this oppression to end. They are ready to defeat this archaic rule once and for all. We can meet out in Trench at camp to lay out our plan. We will bring you everything you need. We have support from yellow and red now, and our militia is strong. No matter what, when that day comes, we will get you to the tower.

Covering you,
TB"

"I never left you", Tyler repeats out loud. The realisation Josh hadn't been with him physically all this time is still making him nauseous, yet relieved: his friend hadn't gone through what Tyler had. He had been safe this whole time.

"You know, I've never been good with words", a voice behind him lets Tyler heart stumble.

He turns around to see Torchbearer, with no torch for once. His clothes a lot less green, torn in places and dirty. These last couple of years have also left its mark on the Bandito Leader. Yet the yellow of his tape, and the light of his eyes have stayed the same.

"You- this... I don't know.... Thank you", Tyler stutters in response as he watches his friend sit down on the rock next to his.

"It's been a while"

Tyler nods, his face frozen expressionless as he slips the folded letter inside his pocket "believe me: I know"

"Being apart was..."

"Don't mention it, not right now"

"Okay, sorry... you look good though. Well, better than what one would expect", TB's voice is soft and quiet. Almost soothing. A calmness that showers over Tyler, letting him relax his tense shoulders for the first time today.

"What would one expect? What did you expect?"

TB gets back up from his rock a little too quickly, he clearly doesn't want to talk about it, "the answer's in your hands. Let's head to camp, it's getting late and you could use some rest. Food too"

"Yeah, that's right. I could use some rest"

Tyler gets up too, the air has grown cold without the sun. Thankfully, the clothes he had found on Voldsøy kept him warm, even in the relentless winds of Trench.

As they make their way back to camp, silently stepping through the tall grass, careful enough to not slip on the wet moss, Tyler catches himself reminiscing about old times. His first time out of the walls of Dema, the first time he saw those yellow flowers, sneaking one back into his room every other escape to stare at it whenever he pleased. His first time seeing the Banditos, his first time meeting Josh. His first night in camp.

It all feels so far away, both emotionally and factually. But stepping back into camp tonight, seeing the familiar faces, their relief of his return... It is different. He had been here before, and yet it feels like experiencing it all over again for the first time.

Perhaps because it is his first time.

Tyler had already been here.

But not Clancy.

At least as the current version of it.

'Covering you', it echoes in Tyler's head as they pass the main fire in the centre of the Bandito Camp and Torchbearer hands him a bowl of fruit and oats.

A weak smile on his friend's face.

Tyler sits down, bowl in his hands, the antlers on his belt clashing together from the movement, but there is only one thing on Clancy's mind as the fire reflects in his eyes:

The Bishops needed to burn.

Chapter 2: 2

When Tyler wakes up the next day, the sun is already high up in the sky. As soon as his eyes detect the bright sunlight, Tyler lets himself fall back into his cot.

For the first time in a very long time, he feels actually rested. The blankets underneath him feel soft and warm. It feels like they're rocking him back to sleep, and Tyler almost gets the impression that he is back on the island, alone. In hindsight that should've been a terrible memory, but after everything the Bishops had put him through, that first silent morning on Voldsøy had been the best one in a long time. Cold and lonely, yes, but also a long overdue moment of peace.

"No, no. Move them further west, Mark. Thanks", TB's voice comes from the right, outside of the tent.

Not shortly after Tyler hears the rustling of his tent's entry. Even with his eyes closed, he knows that TB has joined him.

"I know you're awake", he says.

"Shhh", Tyler replies trying to dive back into his memories.

"I think you've slept long enough"

"There is no such thing as enough sleep"

A couple seconds of silence fall upon them, during which Tyler hears continuous movements from his left, long enough to catch his curiosity after all. So he opens his eyes, only to find TB sat on the other side of the small tent on another cot. Had that been there last night?

His friend is scribbling in a little notebook, gaze down and focused.

"What are you doing in my tent anyway?", Tyler asks as nonchalantly as possible.

"Your tent?", Torchbearer chuckles, "our tent, my dear old friend"

"Ours? Since when?"

TB looks up from his notes, his face painted in confusion, "since when? I don't know if you've noticed, but the camp's full"

"Full?", Tyler can't help but laugh a little, before he finally sits up, "last time I was here we had an extra pile of spare tents. We barely had enough people for supply runs"

"That was years ago", TB's voice is quiet now.

Right.

Memories that Tyler would rather suppress come stabbing him from behind. A dark room flashes before his eyes, followed by the Bishops faces as they drained the creativity from his bones, making him bleed his meaningless words onto papers of lies. The smearing- Tyler can't help but grab his own throat at the feeling of suffocating by the sheer power of someone else's thoughts. A cold shiver runs down his spine as he tries his best to swallow down his tears of vulnerability.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that", his friend's voice feels distant. For a moment he sees Josh, behind a drum set in a furry coat. Nodding into Tyler's direction whenever the pressure became too much during rehearsals. The cameras, the lights, the pastel colours rush through his brain like a lightning strike. His stomach twists, his mind spins as he remembers false words coming out of his mouth.

But that was the past. Tyler is back in Trench, in his, well, their tent. The antlers resting on the floor next to him, remind Tyler of why he pushed through. Every decision that he made the last couple of years had brought him back here. And now, he has a mission.

Clancy has a mission.

Tyler takes a deep breath, putting his facial expressions back in order, "where did all the people come from? I thought Nico ordered stricter patrols, after he got me back?"

"Things have changed since your escape. The citizens of Dema see it now. They see through the lies", Torchbearer's voice is filled with something Tyler can't quite name, any other person would've interpreted it as pride, "thanks to you"

"To me?"

"Clancy, you've given them something that we all thought was long lost: hope"

"I don't want to spread hope, I want to bring freedom"

Torchbearer smiles, no, he smirks and just for a split second Tyler sees the young version of him. The two of them spread out in the greenery of Trench, back when Tyler had experienced what it meant to be alive for the first time.

"Why does one exclude the other?"

Tyler tilts his head, "one is a construct of false expectations, the other the ultimate goal. The reason why we're here"

"Tyler-"

"Don't call me that"

"Apologies. We are happy to have you back. After we heard from red, from the inside, we couldn't believe it. Suddenly, everyone woke up from the mundane routines out here and we started to prepare: for you. We all thought you were dead, after...", even though TB doesn't finish the sentence, Tyler knows what he wants to hint at.

"I survived. Keons betrayed Nico and with that gave me enough time to escape"

A series of events that still feel like a fever dream. A Bishop betraying another. It was unheard of. Tyler promised himself that very moment to make sure Keons' sacrifice wouldn't be for nothing.

"What I'm trying to say here is: you're not alone. We're with you. I am with you. Do you hear me? We're gonna fight and we're gonna win: together. Don't let your new power get the best of you. Because then, I would truly have lost you, my friend"

×××

Later that same day, Tyler finds himself back outside of camp. As much as he loved seeing all the new faces and meeting every single one of them, he needed a break. He isn't used to that much company anymore and it shows.

At the beginning, he didn't want to wonder too far, but somehow Tyler now finds himself back by the cliff. The shore magically calls for him, even now.

In another life, the life he had before his captivity, he would be sitting here with his uke. However, the simple thought of making music, of pulling the strings of that old instrument makes his stomach have second thought on keeping the lunch he had eaten earlier inside.

So instead he clenches onto his antlers. He doesn't want to seize again. The power they give him is mesmerising. He had felt like a god when he seized Keons, a feeling he can't describe, something to be addicted to.

"A dangerous feeling", Tyler mumbles to no one but himself. He hadn't even realised how high it had made him until the effect had worn off.

It takes until nightfall before Tyler decides to head back. Despite the Banditos euphoria of his return and their preparations for a confrontation, everything was still in order. Thanks to TB.

Speaking of which, Tyler remembers their current tent situation. And soon enough he finds himself back on his cot, antlers in his lap and Torchbearer next to him. They don't talk, but once Tyler realises it's not because TB is ignoring, but rather because he is concentrating on what seem to be inventory lists, Tyler keeps it that way. In fact, he is about to fall asleep before Mark, a good friend of the two of them, pokes his head into their tent.

"Clancy?", he asks causing Tyler to wake up from the partial sleep he had sunken into.

"Hm?"

"For you"

"Huh?", Tyler leans forward and accepts a bundle of envelopes.

"From the Banditos. They all have so much to say, so I suggested they write down their thoughts. Didn't expect so many people to interpret as 'write him a letter', yet here we are", Mark answers nervously.

"Oh, thanks, I guess"

Mark nods before disappearing again without another word.

"You're famous", TB jokes and takes the lantern from his side of the tent to place it in-between them, giving both of them enough light to read.

'At what cost', Tyler thinks to himself as he inspects the five envelopes. Each one has his name on it, each a different handwriting.

He opens the first one:

"Dear Clancy,

you've inspired me. When I first came into camp, I was lost. I was a child without a course. The Bishop's had taken everything from me and I didn't know who I was. But then I saw you. The way you made the people laugh around the fire late at night. Your stories, your words, your songs have shaped me into the person I am today.
I have kept your Uke. Sometimes I play on it, late at night, for no one in particular, just me and the fire and the words pouring out of me.
Torchbearer says you need time. Mark says that too. I trust them. I trust you. We're with you, Clancy. We will win. I believe in it. I believe in us.

Rest for now, we will wait

Soren"

Tyler holds the paper tight. So many faces, so many names, he wishes he could remember young Soren, but he doesn't. He reads the words over and over again, trying to piece together his memory of who he was before. Nothing. Perhaps he can ask TB later?

It takes a while before Tyler brings up the courage to put down the letter. He folds it back together and places it in the little box TB had given him earlier. It isn't big, but it can hold the few things Tyler does own.

For a moment he debates on when to read the other four letters. He could push that onto his list for tomorrow, he is tired, his joints are aching, but he has this urge to keep going. Soren's words have given Tyler this strange feeling inside his chest. People are relying on him to lead the last fight, to bring this oppression to an end. Even TB said so. Thus far it felt like a burden, but the way Soren had chosen his words, it reminded Tyler of his own roots. He doesn't want to think that far back, his old self was lost, long gone, but reading about how he has motivated others, feels good.

Almost...

Whatever.

Tyler opens the next envelope:

"Dear Clancy,

you have returned. You don't know me, but you have seen Dema, Trench and what lies beyond. I have so many questions. My mind keeps racing, while I see the tiredness in your face. Torchbearer says to give you space, but my curiosity is eating me alive.
What was it like out there? What did you see? What did you feel? Is it as beautiful as I make it out to be?
I can't wait to hear your stories by the fire sometimes. My friend Preston and I adventure out into the wilderness sometimes. Maybe we can share some of our own stories. There is more to life than vialism and the walls of Dema. This is only the beginning.

In hope to hear from you soon,

Brikka"

The simple thought of vialism makes Tyler dizzy. How could the Bishop's keep this from the citizens? How can they keep the joys, the colours of life away and still sleep at night?

The beauty of Trench is for everyone to see and feel. To experience life shouldn't be a crime or betrayal. It should be the standard. For everyone!

An unknown anger cooks inside of Tyler. He almost rips the letter in two as his breathing gets more heavy, his thoughts more twisted.

"Hey, what's wrong?", TB sounds concerned and before Tyler can answer he appears in the periphery of his view hesitantly taking the letter from his hands.

"I can't breathe" Tyler yelps, his heart racing.

His body starts to shake. His mouth goes dry and the tears start streaming down his face.

He wants to scream and yell. But there is not enough air inside his lungs to allow him that. A faint, deep laugh reaches his ears.

It's Blurryface!

Tyler panics. He needs air! He needs to get out of here. Everything around him is dark and grey and wet and lonely. He can feel his skin itch, while his inner voice screams: run! Run! Run!

"Clancy, you're safe"

A lie! He isn't safe. He never has been. He's just their puppet! No!

"No, make it stop", Tyler pleads as he pulls on his hair, "make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!"

In his reality Tyler screams and begs, he is kicking his feet and scratching the skin of his scalp. In Josh's reality Clancy is a curled up mess, antlers sliding off his lap, as Josh does his best to keep his friend from hurting himself. Clancy's lips move but no sound reaches Josh's ears. Does he even remember where he is?

"Tyler, listen to me. You're safe, you're with me, for real. I am real, and I am here. Feel my hands, here", Josh grabs Clancy's wrist, opening his hand to place his own one inside, "feel it, they're so cold! I forgot my sweatshirt outside. Remember where you are... C'mon Ty, I know you can hear me"

Eventually Tyler does stop to pull his hair, he digs his fingernails into TB's hand as he tries to get control over his breathing.

"I can't do this Josh, please", Tyler begs, his eyes pressed shut. He needs Josh. He needs him to make it through. Not as his friend, he needs the person twho he used to be to Tyler, the person that he lost so many years ago.

"Don't worry, I got you... Like I always do"

Tyler holds onto TB's shoulder with his other hand, before letting himself fall forward against his friend who happily hugs him tight.

They stay like that for as long as it takes Tyler to ground himself again. When he opens his eyes his head aches and his ears are ringing. He pushed himself away from Torchbearer's chest, who doesn't see it as a negative action, more like the confirmation that Tyler has finally calmed down.

"Are you okay?"

Tyler nods, unable to find the right words.

"Okay, here, have some water", TB hands him a bottle, unscrewing it for him.

"Thanks", Tyler mumbles and drinks. In fact, he empties the bottle fully with three big sips, "sorry about that"

"Don't say that. It's not your fault"

"I'm just so angry. Who gave the Bishops the right to this? Who gave them permission to be so vile and evil?"

"No one did. They took it upon themselves and now it is our duty to take it back. To give our people freedom just like you said"

"Someone had to give them their powers. Vialism is one thing, but seizing? It was given to me too. Does that mean I'm evil?", Tyler can feel the next set of shivers run through him. So many nights in which he had wondered why it had to be him. Why did he have to be the exception? Was he truly as evil as the Bishops? As Nico?

Torchbearer takes Tyler's hand again, "you're not like them. They have the same gift as you, but it is nothing more than their own decision that led them to their evil. Lisden, Keons, hell even Nico might've been good people in another life. What happened to them in this, says nothing about who you are"

"I don't want to be like them"

"You won't. I know that you won't"

"You know or you hope?"

Torchbearer shakes his head lightly, "both. Have a little faith in me judgement"

Tyler can't help but chuckle from amusement, "keep reminding me of that. I might need to hear it more often"

TB nods as their eyes meet. There are no more words spoken in-between the two, but there don't need to be.

While Tyler can feel his doubts drown again, his newly won self-confidence pushing them under the imaginary tide in his mind, he finds himself asking: cover me?

Josh, who at the moment is nothing more than Tyler's old friend Torchbearer, knows Clancy can't do this alone. But Josh is ready. So he answers wordless with a smile: covering you.

Chapter 3: 3

Five letters quickly turned into eight by the next morning.

Tyler's and TB's tent is small. Two cots, Tyler's on the left, TB's on the right, three boxes separating them in between and a small chest right by the entrance filled up almost all of the space they have. There is a lantern on the box in the middle, TB's notebook with his inventory notes next to it. A couple of pens and empty papers are scattered around it. TB's torch rests next to his cot at all times, just like Tyler's antlers by his.

Right now, early in the morning, Tyler has accepted three more letters from my Mark and while the famous Bandito Leader is still asleep, Tyler organises them in his little storage box. The different inks smear his fingertips as he tries to fit his jacket in there as well. It is a warm day today, so Tyler doubts he'll need it.

After a while he realises, TB might be asleep for a little bit longer, Tyler decides to leave him be and steps outside their tent. The air is fresh, tingling his nose from the inside as he takes in the familiar sight of the rising sun behind the mountains that seem to stretch endlessly.

Brekka said in her letter, that Tyler had seen Trench, but that was far from the truth. He had seen parts of it. Whenever Tyler truly thought about it, he couldn't even imagine how far the continent must stretch. How much more there is to see and to discover. His chest feels warm at the thought of just wandering through the forests, seeing all the different plants and flowers. Discovering all the different animals and long lost places.

Did people use to live there? What was there before Dema? Before the Bishops? Had there been more cities? What happened to them?

Answers Tyler unfortunately wouldn't get, by simply gazing down the horizon. All he could do for now, was join the small group of Banditos by the fire, listen to their stories and eat some breakfast.

They need a plan to infiltrate Dema. And then they would need a back-up with its own back-up plan. And for that Tyler needs to know who he is working with. Who he can trust and who wants to help. He only knows a few people and most of them only remember him as Tyler, not Clancy.

"Good morning!", Mark greets him happily.

"Good morning", Tyler replies and gratefully accepts a bowl of oats from a woman with blonde hair. Tyler remembers her, he believes her name to be Jenna. He sits down next to her.

"You finally have some colour back in your cheeks", she says as she takes a bite of her own breakfast.

"It's been a rough couple of weeks you could say"

"Weeks? Years! Tell us, what happened in Dema? What did the Bishops do? How did you escape?", a young boy, no older than maybe 16 stares at Tyler with big eyes. He wears the usual green shorts of the Banditos and a white shirt with yellow stripes.

Besides Mark, Jenna, the young boy and Tyler, there are three more people sitting around the fire with them. It must be a lot earlier than Tyler originally thought. He remembers some of the Banditos having to sit on the floor during dinner time, because all possible seats were occupied the night that he arrived. Right now, there are a dozen more boxes that serve as chairs free to use.

Tyler finds himself being stared at by all six Banditos as he takes his first spoonful of oats. He chews slowly, trying to find a way to change the topic.

"You don't have to answer, it's just we all thought you were dead... Or one of them", Mark adds as Tyler continues to stay silent.

"I'm not. One of them", Tyler quickly clarifies, "it's just- we have a lot to do. I have a lot to do, you know? There's so much on my mind that it's hard to process what has happened lately"

"Of course. We're ready to help with whatever you need, Clancy", Jenna smiles.

"Thank you, I appreciate all of you. I was lucky to make it out alive and I couldn't have done it without any of you... or Keons sacrifice"

Mark closes his eyes for a second, "so is it true? Is Bishop Keons really dead?"

Tyler nods.

"Damn it... There were rumours but we didn't know for sure"

"He is dead", Tyler remembers seizing him, the antlers on his belt suddenly weighing him down, "to keep it simple and short: I didn't choose to work with the Bishops. I had no choice, but despite everything, I knew I couldn't give up, there was something else I needed to do. At the time I didn't know what that was, but ever since my time on Voldsøy I know what needs to be done. I only escaped because Keons' already knew, he must've seen something in me that I didn't even know existed. He betrayed Nico for our cause, for us".

The young boy nods, he seems impressed. The last bits of his childish curiosity dances in between his eyes and the reflection of the flames within them, "and now you're back, you've returned to Trench to end the Bishops reign, right? That's what Torchbearer says"

"That's what we're going to do, yes. I need you, all of you. Together we can free Dema", Tyler says with determination. The oats in his bowl have gone cold as he takes another bite.

"We're with you, Clancy. Sahlo Folina", one of the other Banditos replies, the rest nods.

"Sahlo Folina. Spread the word, I know all of us have our own history with Dema and the Bishops, we've all lost people but it'll end. Soon"

×××

"You need new clothes", Torchbearer says a couple of hours later.

The two of them are just outside camp, hidden between a few trees. Just enough privacy to keep people from interrupting the Bandito Leader from having a conversation with Tyler.

"I like these", Tyler shuffles around, the leaves underneath him rustle. To this day, Tyler doesn't know who or what has left those clothes for him on the island. He only knows he is thankful to whomever did, without them he would've probably frozen to death in his wet clothes.

"They're fine, don't get me wrong, they just don't scream 'Clancy', you know?"

"Well, I had a 'Clancy' worthy outfit from when I spoke to the citizens that are still trapped inside Dema"

"Really? That's great, where is it?"

Tyler raises an eyebrow.

"Oh right", TB face palms before he rubs his face, "okay, so, we have people that are in contact with the ones still trapped inside. Mara has reached out to one of her old friends from school, Jansen, or... Maybe Nia might know someone as well. They could get us your stuff that's still behind the walls"

"I don't wanna get anyone in trouble, if necessary I'll build my own outfit from scratch", Tyler presses himself against the tree behind him. The bark pressing through his clothes and into his skin. He still has a hard time believing his time in captivity is finally over, the amount of times he has dreamed of these trees...

"No more yellow for you, huh?"

"No. I want the Bishops to see, I want them to know who I am and what I've become"

"Who you've become...", Torchbearer echos, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.

TB's tone involuntarily takes Tyler back to earlier this week. Back when Tyler was rowing, and rowing, and rowing. The pitch black ocean underneath him, ready to swallow him whole. But that wasn't going to happen. Tyler had seen rock bottom. He had been there. He had been at the lowest point of them all. Down there life was meaningless, where his own beating heart was nothing more but a reminder of the flesh cage his aching soul was being held hostage in. He had fought his way up, he had slipped on doubts, tried everything to climb his way through his fears and the pain of his own existence. He had failed so many times, but not once, not even when he was so close to it, did he ever give up. So he rowed and rowed.

Back then Josh was still with him. Sitting in front of him in the little wooden boat. In some parts of Tyler's memory, it had even been him who had rowed relentlessly through the night. Knowing what was really happening now, Tyler probably just tried to fight his tiredness by keeping his imagination in line.

Josh.

The only thing that was guiding Tyler through his captivity, through years and years of mental and physical torture, was Josh. Or at least Tyler's memory of him. Whenever he was lost, he looked for the light, for his light, Josh's torch either metaphorically or literally.

Once Tyler had crossed the ocean passage, it all felt like a dream. Three Banditos greeted him with their own torch. The fire that Tyler had used as a guide on the horizon. They led him back towards camp, through the wilderness of Trench while Tyler's mind was still clouded by just having seized a poor girl's body to spread the word of the rebellion inside Dema.

There, shortly before camp, there he was. Torchbearer, the real Josh. Ever since then, Tyler had stopped seeing the soothing projection of him. Now, he falls asleep alone, every night.

"Tyler", Josh had said then. He looked the same, yet older, "you're alive! You're back?!"

Tyler, who couldn't believe his own eyes, was still fighting his tired legs, he was about to collapse right then and there, "J-Josh?"

A look next to Tyler let his whole world spin.

"Go, tell the others. Let the camp know", Josh had directed the other Banditos.

"Tell them what?", one asked while the other two had already turned around.

"Tell them Clancy is back. Tell them to get ready to fight, we're taking down the Bishops", Tyler's body had been full of adrenaline. The antlers, the seizing... he was still full of confidence and determination, despite his exhaustion. He would take them down. Alone if he had to. But he was clear enough to not say so out loud.

The Banditos disappeared behind the trees, the light of their torches with them, leaving Josh and Tyler alone within the lonely light of Josh's torch.

"Clancy?", Josh asked.

"Clancy", Tyler answered emotionless.

"Okay, Clancy", Josh suddenly seemed to remember that he was holding something in his other hand and lifted it into the light of the fire.

Tyler's mask, well, the one he had made the dead girl wear he just seized. How did Josh get it so quickly?

But before Tyler could ask, Josh continued, "welcome back"

"Thanks, Josh", Tyler tried to smile but he suddenly felt like he had been hit by a car. His body is heavy, his mind too hazy to even say more than that.

"It's Torchbearer", Josh replied swiftly before catching Tyler who succumbed to his tiredness.

And now they are here. Days of sleep later. The effect of seizing had worn off a while ago. The two of them, however, hadn't found the time to finally talk- about them. Not about the cause.

"What was it like?", Tyler has had this question on his mind ever since that night. After his mind had understood that Josh, his Josh, had never truly been captured, Tyler wondered what he had been doing instead.

"Without you?"

Tyler stays silent as he scratches his arm in anticipation for what he is about to be told.

"We tried to save you, of course. But the security around the tunnels was immense. Tunnels themselves stayed as they were but all exists were constantly being guarded. We lost so many, we decided not to risk it"

"Who's we?"

"Me, it was just me"

Tyler feels a sharp pain running through his chest. Didn't he want him back? Wasn't Tyler worthy enough to be saved?

No, he was. He would've tried to save Josh too, but the security measures were intense. Even from his cell in the tower Tyler could tell that Dema was different ever since his capture. He wasn't worth the multiple lives of others.

"So, I decided to go with plan B" TB continues quietly. The pain in his voice is unmistakable.

"Plan B?"

"Yeah, didn't you... See?" Torchbearer asks just as confused.

"See? I saw-", and that's when it hits Tyler, "shut up. That was you!?"

Tyler can't hold himself back anymore, he pushes himself off the tree and onto his knees, kneeling in front of his friend now, a finger pointing at him.

Their gazes meet at the same height.

"I can't explain it, but ever since I can remember I have this ability. Call me crazy but I believe this is what I was meant to do. I was meant to guide people... I thought I was just good at being the camp's Leaders-"

"-but there's more to it", Tyler finishes breathless.

"Correct. I can't just do it, whatever it is. The person I wanna help needs to be lost. Doesn't matter if it's in their own mind or in the forests of Trench. All I know is that this only works if the other person truly needs guidance"

"I'll be damned", Tyler grabs TB by his shoulders, shaking him a little, "I thought I had gone mad! That was you? I can't believe this!"

Tears start to form in Tyler's eyes. Is that why Josh nodded at him during rehearsals? Is that how he had found his way out of the submarine and towards Voldsøy? How he managed to push through his own dark thoughts?

"That was me, yes. I don't remember much of it unfortunately", Torchbearer's face is dipped in a mixture of sadness and regret, "you have no idea how much I missed you, Tyler. Not Clancy, Tyler. I thought of you every single minute of the day. And when I saw you on TV? Heard you on the radio? I felt your pain, I heard it in your voice. That wasn't truly you. So, I never gave up hope, I knew you were somewhere out there and knowing you, I prayed that you would find your way out. That you would return... My Tyler"

Now both of them are tearing up. It is a mixture of realization, regret and relief. They have found each other again and instead of being grateful over their reunion, both pushed the other one away. Thinking they have to cope on their own.

"Josh!", Tyler cries out, the deep sorrow inside his aching heart releasing into his blood stream. His hands are shaking and he can't hold back the tears any more.

"I'm so sorry for leaving you", Josh mumbles as he pulls Tyler in for a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry for taking so long to come back", Tyler replies, holding onto Josh, his Josh. The real one.

×××

They talk for a little while longer, hugging each other, enjoying the silence as they listen to the birds sing. This is everything Tyler could've ever asked for. At least for the time being. There was a much bigger goal ahead of them.

It didn't take long for the Banditos to actually need their Leader, so Josh decided to head back to camp, everything that was still left unsaid, they would discuss later inside their tent.

This left Tyler to himself again, who is okay with that. Mainly because his mind suddenly feels more at ease than before. Something that Tyler didn't even think was possible. He has been so much more relaxed since arriving. The constant stress over what hurdle he had to face next and the restless attention to his surroundings isn't necessary anymore.

But now, him and Josh have been able to settle things between them two. Another burden that fell off Tyler's shoulder. Things aren't back to what they used to be, though this was a good starting point. The two have agreed to go back to being Josh and Tyler. At least between each other. As soon as someone else was around they would stick to Torchbearer and Clancy.

Despite their history, their bond and their feelings for each other: things have changed. They aren't the same people they were all these years ago. Tyler has a lot of trauma to process, a new gift to manage and his new found and partially self assigned prophecy to fulfil. While Josh has to carry a lot of responsibility. He is in charge of the entire camp, it was up to him to coordinate the Banditos, their food and their equipment. Of course, there are people that help him, like Mark or Debby, but in the end it is him. Him and his ability to guide everyone.

It will take time for their wounds to heal, although Tyler finds himself a lot more excited to see Josh that same night inside their tent. Tyler meanwhile had drowned in more compliments and letters and definitely needs a distraction.

The moon is already spreading his light from high up in the night sky, when Josh closes the flaps of their tents. His face reflects his exhaustion. The artificial light of their lantern draws shadows across his face as he takes off his boots.

"Long day?", Tyler collects the envelope from his blanket, most of them remain closed, and neatly tucks them away in his 'storage' box.

"You could say that. Luckily it's getting warmer now so we can look for more berries and plants, but food's still low. Our supplies are low with this many people"

"It won't be for much longer"

"You sound so... Sure. Don't get me wrong, I believe in you and we can definitely need determination, but...", Josh sighs, he doesn't want to say anything wrong or hurtful, Tyler can tell.

"I know what you mean. But we will make a plan, we will put an end to this. Just like you said in your letter the other day. The people are ready and so must we"

Josh is able to pull his lips into the tiniest smile as he prepares his cot for the night, "okay, Clancy"

"I think I'm actually starting to get used to that name", Tyler admits.

"I miss him", Josh suddenly says, sadness is hidden under his neutral tone.

"I wish I could've met him"

"You two would've liked each other. He admired you, a lot. Your bravery..."

Given Tyler's multiple attempts at escaping and Nico's seemingly never ending determination to use Tyler as the exception for himself, Tyler unfortunately never had the chance to meet Clancy, before it was too late.

He wasn't just the person that wrote letters to the citizens of Dema, it was what he stood for that made him so memorable. He stood up for what was right, against vialism and the Bishops when the Banditos were barely more than an idea. The rebellion against the Bishops reign had deep roots, so deep that not even Josh knew where they came from, but Clancy took the hope of a few and turned it into a movement. He meant courage and life. He studied the city like no one else and helped dozens over dozens of people to escape, he showed them their ways, he showed them life.

And then he vanished. Tyler meanwhile knows that he is dead. The Bishops told him. Tyler thought it was bold of them to do so, but he was and still is even more surprised with their oblivion. The name approval for Scaled and Icy was probably the quickest he had ever gotten from the Bishops. His songs had to be reviewed over and over again, but not the album title. Perhaps it was Keons who made sure of that? Did he understand Tyler's intentions and... supported them? He is the reason Tyler escaped after all.

"He would be proud if he saw what the Banditos became. Through your guidance Mister Torchbearer", Tyler says shining a cheeky smile into Josh's direction. Tyler doesn't know how close the two were, Josh never said much about it, but he knows that the cause connected them in ways no one on the outside would ever understand.

"I'd like to think that he knew about you and who you would be one day"

Tyler frowns as he slips underneath his blanket, before leaning forward to turn off their lantern, "I doubt that"

Even though Josh doesn't reply to that, things like that do have him wondering. He has been the Torchbearer of the Banditos for a long time. He has seen a lot, he has seen the mysterious paths Trench puts people on. Coincidences that feel a little too convenient, friendships and trust that are so strong that people are willing to give up everything they believe in for them and this miraculous power that now his best friend has also been gifted.

Josh doesn't know how everything fits together. Though he knows one thing for sure: They all are children of Trench, and it is about time they take back what belongs to them.

Notes:

Tyler and Josh have finally talked! I am so ready for more haha

Chapter 4

Notes:

last short one, before we jump deeper into the story!

"Dear Clancy,

Thank you for taking your time to sit with us by the fire. I usually get up early to watch the sun rise over Trench by myself. I cannot believe how lucky we are to see this miracle every single day. It was inspiring what you had to say to us few, while the rest was still asleep.
Sometimes I find myself questioning my place amongst the Banditos. I am happy to have left Dema behind, I do not miss it, but sometimes I lose faith in my own abilities. Are we really able to make a difference? Can I make a difference? Can we free the citizens of Dema? You have given me an answer to all of that. I want to help. Let me know what I can do.

Sincerely and always grateful,

Baldur"

Another day, another letter. Luckily the rate at which Mark gives him more, has gone down. Only one or two a day. Tyler has even managed to answer a couple of them. Nothing much, just a few encouraging words, but he believes they will suffice in bringing the Banditos closer together. He will need them if he wants to take on the Bishops.

Baldur is one of the people Tyler sees more and more often around camp. He remembers him from his first breakfast after returning to camp. He hadn't said anything that morning, though his written words say more than enough.

It's been a couple of days since Josh and Tyler have made amends. Today, the two of them as well as Mark, Jenna and Debby are meeting out by the shore, per Tyler's request. He needs to start brainstorming ideas, away from camp, away from all those ears that could misinterpret their conversation.

It's a cloudy day, the waves are crashing loudly against the cliffs. The birds however are still humming somewhere down the path, closer to the camp. Tyler is sat in the grass, his hands trying to take in all of the sensory input it's giving him.

"Is this what people call 'earthing yourself'?", Josh's voice strokes Tyler's ears just right.

As he redirects his gaze from the ground, towards his tent mate, he can see a little bit of amusement on Josh's face, "I missed this. How can one even miss grass? Hell, even that slippery moss! I just need to take this all in"

"You do you, sometimes I take all of this for granted"

"Where are the others?"

"They'll be here in a minute"

Tyler rubs off the dirt from his fingers before placing his hands inside his lap, "can I ask you something?"

"Sure", Josh smiles and sits down next to Tyler.

"How did you have my mask that night? Well, not mine, it was..."

Will this ever stop? The memories of seizing causes the hair on Tyler's arm to stand up straight. How come that possessing someone felt so good in that moment, yet so detrimental in the long run?

If Josh notices Tyler physical remembrance of the events, he doesn't show it.

"Before I heard of your return, we had someone come running, and I mean running! into camp, mask in hand. She was yelling all sorts of things, she was still in her grey Dema clothes, but with red tape on her shoulders? It took a lot to calm her down. She told us everything, she told us about red. I don't know how she found us so quickly, but shortly after that Eliot came back from patrol and informed us of your arrival. So I put 2 and 2 together"

Tyler presses his lips together for a moment, before explaining, "I showed them the maps of the tunnels and described where the camp is"

"As you were seizing?"

"Yeah"

"Smart", Josh seems truly impressed before his eyes wander over to his right, just in time to see Mark, Jenna and Debby walk towards them.

Tyler lets Josh greet them, as he folds Baldur's letter again. It's been a busy couple of days, but perhaps Tyler can join him during one of his early mornings again. He slips the letter back inside its envelope, before tucking it back into his jacket.

"I see why you like it out here", Mark remarks as all of them sit down, forming a circle.

"It has a sense of privacy", Tyler answers.

"Which is exactly what we need", Josh adds pulling out a folded map of Trench and Dema. He places it in the middle of their circle, letting a couple of rocks weigh it down, so the wind wouldn't carry it away.

Despite the happy nature of their reunion, Tyler had spent endless hours with these four people before his captivity, suddenly the mood changed. Their mission, Clancy's mission, was a serious matter. Not only did they want to infiltrate the city, they wanted to end an oppressive reign that reaches as far back as the history books allow it.

Sometimes Tyler wonders if the original citizens of Dema, back before the Bishops were as powerful as they are today, had fought against their uprising. Did the people rebel? What was vialism like before? Did the Bishops change it or utilise what it already gave them? A foundation of belief that they projected onto themselves?

Whatever it had been, it's long gone now. Nothing left but pain and death. People believe in a paradise that they'll never get to see, instead they devote themselves to a false promise while the Bishops lock them in, away from the actual paradise that lays beyond the grey walls. The thought that so many people have died without ever knowing what was outside, aches Tyler's chest. He instinctively reaches for the antlers on his belt. His fingers are wrapping around the cold material tightly.

"I need to get to the tower", Tyler says out loud. Probably interrupting whatever conversation the others had been having while he had silently fueled his anger for the Bishops.

He can see Jenna's eyes wander from his face to his hand and the antlers, "we know. But it won't be that easy. They may not suspect much now but they'll catch up. As soon as they know that you're alive, they will want you back"

"You've got their power now, but you don't stand a chance against all of them, the guards and the glorious gone", Debby sighs in frustration.

For a moment, they all sink into their own thoughts. All that fills Tyler's head, however, are doubts. Again. He has their power now, that was certain, but is it strong enough to take them down? All eight of them? Especially Nico? After everything he has put Tyler through?

Suddenly, Tyler feels a sense of remorse. He doesn't know where it comes from, but he... misses Keons. He would've known what to do.

Tyler blinks in confusion. He didn't know the Bishop well, in fact, he only saw a few times during the writing process of Scaled and Icy. How can he mourn his death, without ever having properly talked to him?

The antlers in his hand start to feel warm, almost pulsating. Tyler looks down. They're still sitting next to him in the grass, they look the same from the outside, yet they feel different. As if they are trying to talk to him. Send him a message.

"Clancy?", Josh asks, ripping Tyler out of his thoughts.

"Like Torchbearer said to me the other day, our militia is strong. We have the Banditos, we have a cause, all we need to do is convince everyone that I can take on the Bishops and all they need to do is cause the distraction", Tyler explains, his thoughts weighing heavy in his head.

"Yeah, yeah. But... Are you okay, you look a little-", Mark frowns.

Tyler cuts him off, "I'm fine."

His friends look unsure of the answers. Of course they have noticed Tyler's dissociations, his obsession with the antlers. He carried them everywhere. And sometimes they could see that look in his eyes. They have no word for it, yet it has them worried for their friend.

Josh is the first one to speak again, "we need to breach the city's walls. From the outside, not the tunnels. That's where the first wave is going to be. If the Bishops know what we're up to, they'll seize the glorious gone. So that's where we'll face them, keep them contained and away from the towers"

"Clancy then can use the tunnels to get into Dema", Jenna thinks out loud, "though I believe you might need to climb the tower from the outside. There's no way for you to get inside without help"

"I've thought about that too. There's a window by the room where they usually gather, I can use that"

"Alright, let's take a step back though. The tower, Nico... That's the second half. We first of all need enough people, they need to know how to fight, then we need a tunnel entrance that's not being watched, perhaps an escort for Clancy and enough distractions to keep the Bishops busy", Mark points out. His finger runs over the map of Dema, tracing the walls and tapping the three possible entry points.

×××

Turns out there is more preparation than Tyler has originally anticipated. The Banditos know basic survival skills, but for this they need to know the layout of Trench, they need escape routes, a certain knowledge on how to take care of injuries and wounds, they need proper weapons, plan coordination...

The list was endless. By the end of their conversation Tyler's head is steaming. Just before sunset they decide to head back to camp. There Torchbearer is being run over by questions. Mark and Debby jump into action as well to get everything organised for the night and for the daily patrol and night watch. Jenna decides to help prepare dinner, while Tyler holds a few quick conversations with those Banditos, that thus far have refrained from writing letters.

Once Tyler climbs back into their tent he is exhausted. He takes out Baldur's letter, places it in his little box and lets his tired head fall backwards into his pillow. Preferably he would sleep now till the next day, but his mind is restless.

Whenever Tyler closes his eyes he sees the submarine, he feels the emptiness inside of him and the words just vomit out of him as music accompanies his questionable dance moves. That's his memory, the people talking around him, their fancy clothes and the terrible artificial lighting. Josh's projection. So, why does he keep seeing Keons with yellow eyes? They are only flashes of the imagery, though it is enough to let Tyler's body tense up. Everything happened so fast that night and left Tyler with many questions.

Never in his life did Tyler expect a dead Bishop to occupy his thoughts so intensely.

Tyler pinches the bridge of his nose as his brain keeps buzzing and he finds himself asking "how am I going to win this?"

Like a stabbing into his brain, he suddenly finds himself with the urge to seize. Tyler's eyes open quickly. In front of him nothing more but the familiar green-brown colour mixture of their tent. He lifts a hand to let his fingertips run over the fabric. Who is he gonna seize?

Anyone, it strikes through his head.

Anyone?

"There's plenty of dead people", he whispers with a calmness that scares even himself. He sits up again, placing his left hand over his mouth. What is he thinking? Where do these words come from?

The antlers by his legs are burning hot, calling for him. Images of Voldsøy flash in front of him: the beach, the creatures, the water. The tide pulling on his feet and thoughts, like water that tries to take back what belongs to it. Is he drowning? Has he lost?

No.

Tyler is safe.

In camp, with Banditos... With Josh, he tells himself wordless.

"What are you doing to me?", he asks quietly as he takes the antlers out of his makeshift belt holder and places them by the end of his cot.

He needs a distraction.

And a distraction doesn't wait. As if he has waited for his queue, Josh steps into their tent. Hair wet, his clothes muddy.

"Is it raining?", Tyler asks in surprise.

"Yeah, don't you hear?"

Indeed, there was a soft rhythmic sound from raindrops on their tent, "right. Sorry"

"Is everything alright? You look a little distraught?", Josh seems genuinely worried. He takes off his dirty boots and wet hoodie, before he sits down next to Tyler, who happily moves over to give him enough space. Their legs touch as Josh turns on their lantern.

"I just- I don't know? Sometimes I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me"

"You've been through a lot, but you're here now. Don't forget about that. It's all in the past"

Tyler manages to smile a little, "you're right. You always are"

"You know me", Josh puts an arm around Tyler, pulling him closer, so that their shoulders can touch, his voice a lot more serious now, "and I'm very relieved to have you back, you know?"

Pictures of their past: the hugs, the laughter, the kisses, their shared nights, they all replace the awful memories of the past few years in Tyler's head. Washed away with the tide, that finally releases its grip on Tyler's mind.

He places a hand onto Josh's biceps, closing his eyes as he relaxes his body, "Imagine how I feel"

×××

Tyler needs to talk to Josh about this. The shock from his mind actively seeking out seizing is still omnipresent the next day. Additionally the continuous thoughts about Keons have Tyler worried. Worried for himself and everyone around him. He doesn't want to become dangerous, he doesn't want to become a Bishop.

The rain outside has not calmed down, so Tyler and Josh eat breakfast inside their tents. Silently as Tyler tries to find the right words.

"It was cold last night, huh?", Josh stirs his oats around in his bowl.

"Kinda"

"And quiet too. I mean, the rain was more than enough noise but usually you hear so many voices outside. Or Soren's singing. Did you know he kept your Uke?", Josh continues.

He did. He wrote it in his letter to Clancy, Tyler thinks. He can't get the words out though. He's too busy with himself.

"What are you thinking?"

Tyler looks up, his bowl of oats still untouched next to him on the floor, "what if I'm becoming Keons? What if this is the cycle? I was born an exception, then a Bishop frees me which ultimately leads me these powers and now I'm doomed to take his place... and then I will die, waking up again as the exception, and-"

"Don't say that. You're not like them and you won't die"

"But what if I become them? When I seize, I- I suddenly understand them. At least to a certain degree. The way it makes you feel is overwhelming! It makes me want more"

"And what about how I make you feel?"

Tyler lifts his eyebrows, the question has caught him off guard.

"Think about it", Josh puts his bowl down and takes those two steps that usually separate them in their tent, to kneel in front of Tyler, taking his hands, "what makes you different from the Bishops? Hm? They're twisted, they're selfish! But not you, you see their flaws. You have the Banditos, you have me, Ty. They're alone. They're lonely old men with a gift they never learned to control"

"And if I can't control myself?", Tyler's voice breaks. There are tears in his eyes.

"Then I'll be there to guide you"

 

Chapter 5

Notes:

double update with a first romance tease

"Here's what I'm thinking: we have two waves. Wave number one is the offence, the one to accompany Clancy and his escort as close to Dema as possible. Wave two stays behind, by the hills", Mark pushes a couple of rocks around to show movement, "Clancy and his escort, I'm thinking around three Banditos plus you, Torchbearer, make their way towards the tunnels. Clancy goes in and does his thing while you four give wave two the sign"

Mark, Josh and Tyler are back by the cliff, sitting in their familiar circle. In front of them is Josh's map of Trench and a collection of different gravel that Mark has used to visualise the two waves as well as portray Tyler and Josh as individuals.

"Then, two people of wave two; not one, no one's doing solo trips; go back to camp to inform the others. That is our chain of communication. If something happens we can act accordingly, either with a coordinated rescue or a coordinated celebration of the breach", Mark continues as he watches his friends faces.

Josh nods in approval, "this also allows us to have a secondary view onto the city. If something changes wave two is far enough away to warn us"

"Exactly!"

Not a bad plan, Tyler thinks as he studies the map in front of him. He's escaped Dema countless of times and now he is coming back: on his own terms. No Bishop is making him, he will not be a prisoner this time. And that felt good.

"That's good. We should gather everyone, have them separate themselves into three groups; one that stays, one for wave two and one for wave one as the offensive", Tyler suggests, "I will do the talking"

Mark claps his hands together, a smile on his face as he wipes off the gravel,"I'll make sure everyone's back in camp by dinner time tonight"

And that's exactly what happens. As the sun sets behind them, the Banditos gather around the main fire in camp. People are sharing improvised chairs, others are standing close by, waiting for the sign to move closer, while the youngest, the children, are poking the burning logs with sticks.

It is a peaceful scenery, it almost feels like Tyler is watching his family get together. He is sitting a little closer to the edge of camp, listening to Soren's quiet attempts of playing a melody on his Uke not far from him. Tyler also spots Brikka and Baldur.

In his mind, Tyler is trying to piece his speech together. This is important. Clancy will address them all directly for the first time tonight. He has to motivate them and sell their plan. There was a lot left to do, many details to discuss but Tyler knows that once people have a proper course, not just an abstract promise, they will do as he says once he decides that it's time. The letters he's received so far give him enough confidence in that.

"Nervous?", Josh asks as he sits down next to him. The two haven't talked since this morning, both of them way too busy to find a moment just for them.

"A little"

"Don't worry, I've been preparing them for this. They trust you, most of them anyway"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Josh sighs, "well, I mean you were on TV. On a show that the Bishops very obviously created. And then those posters, those vibrant colours, the happy tone of your songs. A lot have seen through the surface, have heard and understood your message, but not all of them. The Bishops propaganda is rooted deep in some of the Banditos"

"Great thanks", Tyler scoffs, "that'll help calm down my nerves"

"That's not how I meant it. It's just that they haven't heard your side of the story yet. You're an inspiration to many, I'm sure this will only manifest it. Convince those who don't believe in you yet", Josh squeezes his arm, before grabbing his friend's sleeve to guide towards the fire.

There, Tyler feels the shift. Once the crowd has noticed his presence they grow quiet and the ones spread further away are closing in, so that they can hear him.

Mark and Debby carry in a big log for Tyler to stand on. With the heavy thoughts on his mind, Tyler steps onto it, putting him above everyone else's heads. His heart is pounding inside his chest, while the antlers on his belt rattle quietly as they swing back and forth.

It's in that moment, that Tyler realises how much he must look like a stranger to the group, way out of place. Different clothes, no yellow on him, the antlers, the scars on his face and a focused, expressionless gaze, one that he surely didn't have the last time he was here.

His hands are sweating and due to the lack of food throughout the days his stomach is cramping up as he collects his thoughts.

But this is only Tyler's nervousness. Not Clancy's. Clancy wouldn't be nervous, he'd be calm and collected, confident and a leader.

So Tyler pushes his shoulders back and picks up his chin, trying to remind himself of why he is here. Of who he had become for the Banditos. And for those still trapped inside Dema.

"East is up", he says sharp enough to get even the last person's attention and waits for everyone to reply, before he continues.

"I'm sorry to have gathered you all here this late in the day, I know you've all been very busy lately", his voice is loud, a little bit too high for Tyler's taste, but he pushes those thoughts aside. He is Clancy and Clancy doesn't care about the sound of his voice.

Torchbearer is standing beside him, due to the log's height Clancy can barely see him, though he knows he's there.

"But I wanted to speak to you, all of you. I wanted to tell you about what happened, why I'm here and what I intend to do. While also thanking you for welcoming me with such open arms and with a lot- and I mean a lot- of letters"

Somewhere behind him he can hear Mark chuckle to himself.

"As many of you know, I was recently in Dema. Making music. I want everyone to know, that that wasn't my music. It was the Bishops. I tried sneaking in messages for those with enough courage to hear and I know some of you that did, are here tonight, because you not only heard, you listened"

Clancy receives a couple of approving nods as he puts his hands together in front of his chest, the fire's heat stroking his already warm cheeks, "the Bishops used me for their own propaganda, I would've never supported it if i would've been given a choice. I could only wait. Wait for a chance to escape.... A chance that I was given my Bishop Keons. He sacrificed himself during the yearly assembly, so that I could get away. He betrayed Nico"

After having already clarified this earlier this week, the information has spread like a wildfire among the camp. Despite that, Clancy wanted to make sure that truly everyone knows, and he wanted them to have heard it from him directly.

"After I had escaped, I found myself lost in the ocean, but I was lucky enough to have found Voldsøy. The island right behind the visible horizon of Trench, that I and many of you have thought to have been lost or to just be a tale. And there I found these", Clancy keeps the details to himself but manages to impressively take off the antlers from his belt with a singular move of his right hand. He holds them up high enough for everyone to see.

The Banditos start to whisper amongst themselves.

"So, are you a Bishop now?", someone asks from the back, from the shadows, where no one can see who exactly asks what everyone else is thinking.

Tyler would've grown anxious. Clancy however simply smirks, "no. And I won't be. I have their powers, yes, but I am not one of them. In fact, I believe there is a reason why I was given these. I believe that I was meant to use it to take down the Bishops. I can feel hope-"

Torchbearer's voice whispers inside his head, 'you give them something they thought they had lost'.

"-I can see freedom! But to get there, I need you. I will free Dema, with your help! We're still working on the plan, we need to be one step ahead of the Bishops. So, what can you do for now? We need three groups: one that stays in camp, that makes sure everything stays safe here, we need you as a safe haven and a place to take care of anyone that's injured. The second group will hide in the mountains and on the hills, you will be our eyes and ears. Our back-up. And finally, a third one that joins me and Torchbearer at the front. I need to get to Nico's tower. I will take care of the Bishops while this group keeps any possible defensive measures occupied"

Clancy makes sure to not mention that they'll most likely have to fight the glorious gone. Their dead friends and family members. That's a conversation to have solely with those brave enough to volunteer.

"Take your time! Talk to your friends and tent mates", Clancy winks at the crowd, "identify your strengths. Once you've made a decision talk to either Mark or Debby. They're in charge of the lists. If you need anything, and I mean anything and if it's just a quick word, you know where to find Torch and I... Thank you"

Tyler jumps off the log, applause and chants washing over him from all directions, as Mark steps forward to take the first couple of names.

"How was I?", Tyler mumbles as he passes Josh.

"Inspiring"

×××

It's dark outside. The moon tucked away behind grey clouds, most fires in camp have gone out, only the main one remains lit. At all times. Tyler can see its light in the distance, behind the trees.

He is sprawled out on the ground, the grass tingling the back of his neck, his fingers digging into the cold dirt beneath him. His hair has grown so much it sways across his forehead with every breeze.

Josh is next to him.

Everything as it should be.

"Of course, we choose to stargaze during a night with no clear sky", Josh whispers, his voice is so faint, Tyler can barely hear it.

"Perhaps it's a metaphor of our current life... Seeking something we can't see, and yet we know it's out there"

"How poetic"

Tyler turns his head just far enough to see Josh's silhouette in the dark. They're right by each other's side but the moonless night makes it hard for Tyler to see anything at all. Good thing that he doesn't need to see. He knows how soft Josh's skin is, how it usually glows in this gold-pinksh shade whenever his torch is lit, how his mocha eyes shine when he smiles and the way his curls frame his face just right, especially with the current humidity.

"I miss making music", Tyler admits as he closes his eyes for a second.

"I'm sure Soren will give you your Uke back if you ask"

"That's not the issue"

Even though Tyler can't see Josh, he knows he just turned to his side to face Tyler and sure enough, the faint movement of shadows in front of Tyler's face looks just like the Bandito Leader, "is it the circumstances you had to write SAI under?"

Tyler doesn't answer, he only stretches out him left hand to grab Josh's cheek, his thumb stroking his skin.

"They've taken a lot from us... from you. Don't let them have your talent too"

"I feel like whatever last bit of creativity I had left in me drowned in that ocean", Tyler can't help it. He sounds lost.

"Hm, perhaps you could try writing more. I mean proper letters, just like we used to. They don't have to be for anyone, you can throw them in the fire at night if you must"

Tyler takes a moment to think about it, "I can't even think of anything I would want to write about"

"I'm sure you'll figure something out"

Josh bends down further, in a brief moment their noses touch and Tyler freezes. He wants nothing more than for the two to be close again. If only the past couple of years hadn't happened. They used to share everything, their minds working as one. If he closes his eyes, Tyler can still imagine their younger faces, the taste of Josh's lips, the feeling of his warm skin underneath the covers.

Now, after everything, things just feel different. Tyler has changed, Josh has too. They're fighting a war. What happened to mindless wandering over and through the mountains, of showering in the waterfall and of picking flowers for the camp's decoration? That felt like a different life.

Reconnecting with Josh feels as if that never happened. As if this was their first time being close. And Josh seems to feel it too. The usual confidence in their intimacy is gone and Josh seems to be as hesitant as Tyler.

It takes everything in Tyler to suppress the urge to press their lips together, so he removes his hand from Josh's cheek to press it onto his own mouth and mumbles, "I'm sorry"

Josh's nose strokes his one more time, before his friend grabs Tyler's hand to pull them both back on their feet.

"We should get some sleep", Josh proposes and leads them back to camp, unable to see the singular tear running down Tyler's face.

Back at camp, in their tent, they both lay down for the night in their designated beds. Tyler silently tries to process everything that happened in the past 12 hours as he stares mindlessly into Josh's direction, who had fallen asleep almost instantly.

Their plan was slowly, but surely forming itself. The Banditos seem eager to help, at least some of them and Tyler is relieved to have talked to them the way he did. Usually a crowd like that would've intimidated him, but tonight it had fueled him. He probably should read more of the letters they give him.

And then Josh... Tyler doesn't know how long they have been out there, but it could've easily been hours. They had barely spoken during it, they didn't need to. It had been their moment. Just them; Josh and Tyler. Or had it been Torchbearer and Clancy?

Tyler frowns at his own thoughts, before drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

×××

"Dear Clancy,

I saw you leave camp the other day. Mark says you need space. I understand. We used to sit together by the fire, do you remember? Back when we called you that other name.
I remember your songs. They are what have helped me process everything. My Bishop, Nills, always said to stay away from music. It wasn't right. But how can something so soul touching be wrong?
I miss those nights, back when everything seemed to be about enjoyment. About discovering yourself and about the community. Now everyone is always so tense and serious. Things have changed. But I don't fear this change. Because I know what will come after.

Wendt"

Tyler remembers Wendt. Back then she was a young girl, barely out of her teenage years. Red hair, pale skin and green eyes that outshined even trees around their camp. She had been shy. It is great to hear that she seems better now.

Her letter was one of the last three that Tyler had left to read. After the newly won motivation yesterday, he decided it was only right to finally read through them all. He's currently sitting on his cot, letters and envelopes spread across the floor. So many names, so many stories.

So many lives that are now dependent on Tyler's success in facing the Bishops. His powers are strong... Strong enough to defeat them though? From the moment he had first touched those antlers, Tyler knew that he could.

'What makes me so sure?', Tyler questions as he cleans up the mess of paper.

"What if I can't?", he then sighs out loud. Josh isn't here, there's no one that could hear him.

"Perhaps I'm talking to you", Tyler adds as he picks up the antlers from his cot, "but you won't answer, huh?"

Ever since the other night, Tyler has not felt another urge to seize. He truly hopes it would stay that way. It had been a scary thought.

After clicking them back into his belt, he leaves their tent, stepping out into a foggy afternoon. Today is a cold day. The dirt under his feet gives in to his weight, it's wet and sticky. There's no sign of the sun, and yet the camp is fully enlightened in orange. There are small fires everywhere, outlining the edge of camp.

Everyone seems busy, boxes are being moved, cans opened and conversations being held. The firewood keeps coming in from all sides.

As Tyler navigates through the sea of yellow stripes and heavy boots, he can feel more people smile at him. More people wave and greet him. Perhaps his speech has not only motivated himself, but everyone around him too.

That is good, he tells himself. Clancy has made an impression.

"Clancy!", Jenna calls out as she spots him, a couple of jackets are thrown over her arm.

"Jenna!", Tyler greets her back, helping her organise the rest of the clothes behind her on a table.

"Yesterday was good, we needed that"

"Thanks, I'm glad to have found the right words"

Jenna nudges his shoulder, "you certainly have. Even Torch seems in a better mood than usual"

Speaking of which, where was Josh? Tyler hadn't seen him all day, not even now as he let his gaze wander over the people around him.

"Do you know where he is?"

"Eh, I think down south. Patrol from last night might've seen a few escapees in the distance. No one arrived here though", Jenna replies as she organises the boots Tyler hands her by size, "he'll be back before nightfall, like always"

"Hopefully he finds them. The nights are still cold"

"I'm sure he will"

Once everything has been sorted, Tyler leaves Jenna again to give her space for the rest of whatever she needs to do. She seemed rather busy in the first place.

As Tyler mindlessly struts further through camp, he catches a woman staring at him. She's cooking something over a little fireplace further away from everyone else. Her eyes seem tired, as Tyler walks towards her.

"East is up", she says, a little too much sarcasm in her voice for Tyler to take her genuine.

"East is up. Can I sit with you?" he asks politely, his hand making a referring gesture to the blanket on the floor across from her.

She nods, stirring something inside an old and rundown cup.

"I'm Clancy. What's your name? I don't think we've met"

She snorts, "no, we didn't get a chance to talk yet, Clancy"

"I know I've been causing quite the commotion around here. I apologise if my presence has been inconvenient", Tyler truthfully speaks.

Being at eye level with her, Tyler can tell she's a lot older than most other people around here. There are wrinkles by her eyes and a few first grey strands mixed in with the washed out brown colour of her hair. An odd picture. Barely any citizen of Dema, either former or current, lives long enough to show obvious signs of ageing. Tyler interprets his surprise as something positive, the rebellion has survived long enough for people to age.

"I don't need your pretentious politeness"

"It's not pretentious. I genuinely care"

"Do you?", the woman stops stirring her cup, placing it back onto a little grid over the fire in between them. The flame isn't strong, there's barely any heat reaching Tyler despite sitting right in front of it. He wonders what she's doing with it.

"I do", Tyler smiles, "now, your name?"

"Nora"

"Nice to meet you Nora"

"I bet it is"

Tyler doesn't let her cold words turn him away, "how are you liking Trench? Are you here by yourself, or did you come with someone else?"

"It's just me", Nora's voice is softer now.

"When I came here for the first time, it was also just me. I remember being scared shitless. I was still just a Teenager"

Nora pulls her knees close to her chest, was she cold? "when I was a teenager I didn't even dream about what else there could be. I was devoted and obedient"

"What changed?"

"My daughter", there's sorrow in her voice now, "she was wonderful. Everything I could've ever asked for and more. I wanted her to laugh and sing and discover the world, even though I didn't know what that would even mean..."

At first Tyler wants to ask what happened, why she isn't here, but the question gets stuck in his throat as he watches Nora wipe away her tears, "I'm so sorry"

"I just wish I could've told her about Trench, shown it to her. I've only been here for a year and I've learned more about myself than I did the past 43 years I've been alive. How's this fair, Clancy?"

"It isn't", Tyler slowly gets up from his blanket to walk over to Nora. He gets back down next to her as he places a hand onto her shoulder, "just don't forget that you've got a whole new family around you. You're not alone. You don't even have to say much, sometimes just having company is more than enough"

"I feel like if I move on with this new life, that would mean I forgot about her. I love her, and I miss her so much!"

Tyler gives Nora a moment to pity herself, to mourn her daughter, before he urges her to look at him, "continuing your own life, doesn't mean that you forgot about her. In fact, she might even be the reason you're here with us. Look around, we've all lost people, and we keep them close to our heart no matter what. Do you see the pictures near some of the tents? The flowers? The necklaces around people's necks? Your daughter is as much of a Bandito as you are, simply because there's still so much love for her left in you. Use it to keep going, not to stop. She would've wanted you to"

"Do you really think of her as a Bandito?", Nora asks breathless. Almost surprised that Tyler would suggest she was more than just another victim of vialism.

"I do, probably the bravest one of all"

He hugs her.

She hugs back.

"Thank you, Clancy. I'll remember this"

 

Chapter 6

The evenings are tense these days. The city has been on edge for weeks. Ever since the broadcast of the assembly had ended so abruptly, things have changed around here. More conversations amongst pedestrians, more curious eyes towards the city's wall and less obedience throughout services are only the tip of the iceberg.

Despite the lack of information, the people keep asking more and more questions. Or perhaps the lack of such is the exact reason why, even though that has never been an issue before.

'They aren't supposed to ask questions', Nico thinks to himself annoyed as his tainted hands clench to the window sill. His gaze is firm. It's not like it mattered, the streets are empty and he is too high up for anyone to make out his facial expressions, but still.
Keeping the mask on even in seemingly unwatched moments, has been the key to their success all along. No flaws, no fears, just a strong mind and a clear vision.

Portray power and certainty and they will follow.

From his tower, Nico can see the gravestones outside the city, their endless buzzing is a never ending echo inside his ears. Beyond that, behind the first signs of vegetation, he can see the fog. It hides what lays beyond. Almost automatically he catches his eyes scanning the schemes for something hidden in the shadows of the setting sun.

For something that isn't supposed to be there.

Or Someone.

Him.

The exception.

There is a lot of... misfortune surrounding the situation. The betrayal of his long-lived friend and colleague Keons was one thing, him enabling such a risky escape is another. Tyler could've died, he should've. But he didn't, he was still out there. Only a mere two days after his escape he had sent them that message by seizing Keons' body. They didn't even have time to take care of his body correctly. Shortly after that they had moved the ex-Bishop's body down into the cold catacombs, locked behind a gate to keep anyone away from it. A rather unworthy resting place for a Bishop. Luckily Keons had died a traitor, not a leader. Perhaps it was what he deserved.

Nico still wonders how that could've happened. How did he not notice Keons' doubts? His insecurities?

But more importantly, was this a collaborative plan between him and Tyler?

How did Tyler find the island so quickly?

Did Keons tell him?

Nico lets the palm of his hand slam against the window sill before stepping away from it. Back into his tower. The Bishop doesn't like the ratio of questions and answers surrounding the situation. One thing he does know though, is that Tyler is still out there. But other than before Nico can't track him anymore.

To be fair, he doesn't have to. Tyler will come back. Cowardly like he is, he'll probably have come up with a plan. A plan that won't stand a chance against Nico. The exception will fold under his commands, by a singular touch. Like always.

Blurryface slowly paces back and forth inside the empty room. Hands gently folded behind his back, his robe swaying in the evening breeze that enters the room through the open window.

Away from the last rays of light, the Bishop is being swallowed by darkness as he sets one foot in front of the other.

He can wait.

In the end, fear will win and peace will loose.

The never ending cycle.

A cycle that also seems to occupy someone else's mind further down in Trench.

Tyler feels like someone is watching him. The hairs at the back of is neck are tingling, his hands are sweaty and his feet are restless.

It's a mirrored image to the one that's currently happening in a tower somewhere behind these mountains as Tyler paces back and forth.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

Tyler doesn't show the calmness or patience of his red-hooded counterpart.

He is agitated.

Sticks cracking under his shoes, antlers rattling as they swing against his thigh. They're calling for him. Or at least Tyler thinks it's them.

Tyler's mind keeps spinning around the thought of Blurryface, Dema and himself.

Just moments ago, Tyler had been inside their tent, trying to find a few words he could write down on some paper. Trying to find a voice he had lost a while ago. Then, sudden images of Dema, the tower's and Keons had flashed before his eyes.

Those flashes of memories have become more vivid than the last times. On the one hand, that scares Tyler. What was happening with him? To him? On the other hand Tyler felt more in control of what he was seeing this time. A sense of control that sloshes over him. Calming down the ruthless tide of his mind.

He could look around inside the memories, control the speed at which they changed.

And he started to wonder what all of this meant.

Is this connected to this mysterious power? There is no manual attached to it, Tyler has been winging it since Voldsøy. He just did what felt right. Perhaps he should try and get more control over it to find out what all of these impressions he got meant.

He feels the power growing and somehow he's convinced he is able to take on the Bishops. How is Tyler so sure? No one told him he would be able to.

Somehow his head keeps on flipping through these past few years. Everything had led him to this point. All of the sleepless nights, the nightmares, the pleas for help so that his mind would stop torturing him. The escapes that ignited his fire, that drowned the darkness inside of him. Josh, who fueled the flames, who guided him through. The submarine and the island...

And in the end, it all led back to him: Blurryface. Tyler's Bishop. The origin of all of this. At least in Tyler's eyes.

"I want him dead", the words leave Tyler's mouth before he has time to construct them in his head.

He's alone, down by a small water stream away from camp. Patrols will eventually find him, but for now, it's just him and the vultures in the distance.

Tyler forms his right hand into a fist, his wrist stroking the antlers.

"Dead", he repeats with a tight chest.

And for some reason the thought of the Bishop down on the floor with lifeless eyes, brings Tyler the inner peace that he needs to sleep that night.

×××

"Did you write anything last night?", Josh's voice is scratchy. It's early in the morning, so Tyler doesn't blame him.

They both have just woken up, each of them still wrapped inside their blankets. For once it's quiet around the tent, which has prompted the two friends to lay in silence up until now.

"I tried... and failed"

Josh sits up, rubbing is face, "it'll work next time"

Tyler turns his head to his left to see Josh's curly hair peak over the storage boxes between them, "I like your optimism"

"How'd you sleep?", Josh asks with a smirk.

"Better, you?"

"Good to hear... I've had better ones, but now that you're back it's getting better with each day"

As Josh reaches for his boots, Tyler sighs. It's been a busy couple of days. The two barely saw each other, and when they did, they were too tired to talk, or never on their own.

"You all right?", Josh asks as Tyler continues to stay tucked in.

"We haven't had much time for us"

"I guess. We've got a revolution to put together. After that we'll have all the time in the world"

Sudden commotion outside keeps Tyler from answering. There are people screaming and boots stomping into the muddy ground. There are commands and questions flying through the camp as Tyler and Josh step outside their tent. Josh is almost in full Torchbearer attire, whereas Tyler is still in the bottom layer of his usual clothes, no shoes.

It's chaos, but there's enough order for Tyler to make out that there must be someone injured, and that someone must be near the north camp border. Banditos are gathering in the distance while some pass him with primitive medical equipment.

Josh is already gone by the time Tyler realises he should at least put on some footwear before leaving to help. So, he steps back inside their tents, throws on his long sleeve shirt, his trousers and shoes before grabbing his antlers and joining the group up north.

There's a guy around Tyler's age spread out on the floor, his face covered in blood. He seems disoriented as Josh and Debby try to keep him still enough so that his wounds can be treated.

"What happened?", Tyler can't hold back the question. Deep scratches are scattered on the Banditos arms and chest, while the blood on his face seems to be coming from an open wound on his forehead. The man is shaking, his eyes clearly show his state of shock.

"The glorious... They... They, oh my god! They killed Lila", is all that Tyler gets in return, before the young man loses consciousness.

It takes about half an hour until the guy, Paul, is fully bandaged and brought back into a tent. Despite his obvious distress, the Bandito was able to disclose that they were doing one of the last regular supply runs into the city, when suddenly him and his partner Lila were overrun by a handful of seized glorious gone outside the city walls. They lost the supplies, but most importantly they lost Lila too. She had fought bravely according to her friend, but in the end, it hadn't been enough.

"This was the third time in the past two weeks that our supplies runs have been interrupted", Mark clenches is fists in anger as he rubs his neck.

Mark, Debby, Josh and Tyler are gathered by Josh and Tyler's tent. The Banditos are watching them from afar, as the four quietly try to make sense of the situation.

"We've been doing this for years and never once have the Bishops been able to clock us this efficiently", Josh agrees.

"And even if we were caught, we always had time to get away. I can't believe they mur-", Debby's voice cracks as she's unable to finish the sentence.

Behind them, the main fire crackles as their conversation grows quiet. The mood inside the camp is suffocating. Barely anyone is talking, no one is eating breakfast and patrols haven't left either. Tyler can tell how shaken up the Banditos are.

This has never happened before and that is worrisome. The thought of this being only begging of their war sickens Tyler. They haven't even gone into the offensive and there's already someone that needs to be buried.

Which reminds Tyler that there's a dead body out there. Just outside the city walls, presumably waiting to be picked up by whomever is responsible for this.

"I have an idea", he exclaims, ignoring the knot in his stomach and explains his idea to his friends.

×××

This was risky.

More than that.

This was stupid and bold.

Clancy is cold, his muscles- no, Lila's muscles- are stiff. Luckily he doesn't have to walk. He's laying on a stretcher, or at least what he assumes to be one. He relaxes his shoulders into a semi-soft blanket, hoping to continuously appear to be as dead as possible, as he feels Lila's body being carried back into Dema.

On the other end of this, Tyler's body is standing in front of the fire pit inside camp, antlers risen above his head, his eyes orange as Josh, Mark and the rest Banditos are watching him. Some with admiration, some with unease. It was a strange picture, but Clancy decided to not seize secretly. The Banditos needed to see this, he needed their trust and the only way to gain that was by being transparent and honest. At least to a certain degree.

Back in Dema, Clancy can tell he's being carried indoors. The sound that the shoes of those carrying him are making go from scratchy gravel to an echoing stone. No one's talking around him, tempting him enough to peak through his left eyelid. There are four people carrying the body, two by his feet, two by his head. No one is looking at him, as the four men continue to walk in silence.

They aren't inside one of the towers, the corridor is too long and too straight. Judging by a short glimpse of the high ceilings, Clancy thinks it might be one of the community houses. Are they bringing him to a chapel?

"There you are!", a deep voice breaks the silence and Clancy almost cringes from the sudden noise. Luckily he closes his eyes just in time.

"Apologies, Bishop Nills. We came as quick as we could", someone to Clancy's left answers as they slow down their pace, never stopping though.

"Don't worry. You're here now", Bishop Nills' dark voice is chilling. There's something unsettling to it that Clancy can't quite put his finger on, "bring her in here. Did anyone see you?"

"No, of course not", another voice replies as a set of squeaky doors open.

Oh, they definitely are entering a chapel.

"Thank you for your service, children. Put her down by the altar, I will take care of the rest", Bishop Nills directs.

Shortly after, Clancy can feel the stretcher being lowered to the ground, before there are quick footsteps leading away from him.

Presumably, being left alone with a Bishop should be a frightful situation, but not right now. Clancy feels oddly safe. His inner debate of either confronting him, or letting Nills do whatever the Bishop plans on doing, so that Clancy can lead this body away from Dema as quickly as possible, is all he can think about

Clancy can fight, even in a stiff body like this. However, causing attention could backfire badly. Ultimately, Clancy decides to wait. He promised to get Lila back to the Banditos, so that's what he'll do.

There are no words spoken around Lila's body, in fact, nothing at all happens for a while. The silence drowns Clancy, as he itches to move.

After what feels like an eternity, Clancy finally feels someone step beside him. A draft strokes his arm and a cold thumb presses onto his forehead. The cold finger rests on his skin for a while, still no words from the Bishop, and eventually Nills seems to be satisfied with whatever this is. The lonely echoes of his shoes, that squeak across the tiles on the floor, seem to grow quieter and quieter until they fully disappear.

Once Clancy feels safe enough to open his eyes, he actually finds himself just as expected: inside a chapel of one of the community centres. It's one of the smaller ones and he guesses it was the closest one they could take a body to without being seen.

The walls are grey, the benches to his right are dark brown and worn out. A familiar picture for Tyler's mind. A strange one for Clancy's.

Even though Clancy is still Tyler, they feel like different people. Clancy almost feels like a mindset, one that allows Tyler to hide and overact to compensate. Maybe even to overcompensate. A new personality with less doubts and more confidence. Perhaps Tyler's unique way of adapting to these powers and processing the past.

"What do you think he's doing? He's been doing this for quite some time now", Mark's question doesn't reach Tyler or Clancy.

Josh however tilts his head, "hopefully exactly what he said".

They keep their voices down, the Banditos are already sceptical, they don't need to hear that Torchbearer isn't 100% on board with this. These powers have been used for all the wrong purposes for a long time, for Josh it was a good sign that Tyler wanted to help. Use them for a good purpose, but that doesn't mean he isn't worried for his friend. Tyler had changed, he isn't a naive boy anymore. He knows what he's able to do now and despite his good intentions, something inside Josh continues to worry this might be too much for Tyler's shoulders to bear.

Worries are the last thing on Clancy's mind right now. The only one he allows himself to have, is the one that someone might come back at any moment. He commands Lila's body to get up, as his eyes skim over the room. Its dark, barely any of the morning light reaches this chapel. There's only one door that would lead him out of it.

And an open window.

Convenient.

Clancy directs Lila's body over to the window, leaving the empty stretcher by the altar behind. The piano in the corner doesn't go unnoticed, but there is no time for that. As Clancy climbs out, he can feel Tyler's body mirror a part of the movements without actually making distance. Some Banditos are spooked by the unprompted movement, but don't say anything.

Lila is short, yet muscular. It's easy to navigate between shadows and climb over fences at the same time. It's almost noon, which means most citizens will be on their way for the second service of the day.

There aren't many openings into the catacombs underneath the city in this part of Dema, but Clancy manages to move through the crowds as he makes his way to the closest entry point, despite the obvious yellow stripes on his shoulders. He walks behind houses and tries to avoid the main pathways and if anyone stares at him for too long, he simply lowers his gaze and smiles as he lets Lila place a finger in front of her lips.

In the end, no one alarms the guards and Clancy slips into the underground tunnels to escape the city.

×××

Later in the day, once Paul is back on his feet, they start to prepare a candle light memorial for Lila. They dig her a grave a little further out of camp by the other graves that have accumulated throughout the years. It's a lot less than what there would be if they had all stayed in Dema, but it's still far too many for Tyler.

Some of these brave people have died from something as simple as an infected wound all the way up to vialism rituals. A religion this cruel should've never made it out of the city walls, but the lie of an endless paradise after self inflicted death upholds in a lot of Banditos, even after joining the rebellion. A paradox.

The service is quiet, Paul holds a short speech for his late girlfriend (as Tyler learns) before he needs to be brought back to his bed to rest for the night.

It's silent in camp for the rest of the night. A couple of people give Clancy looks as he passes them, but he ignores them. Even the ones that wordlessly thank him for what he did today. Burying Lila's body made it easier to process her death as opposed to putting up a lonely gravestone. It brought closure and paid respect to the fallen Bandito. And it showed that seizing is not all bad.

Clancy did good today, but he knows that without the affirmation. He doesn't need to receive the thank yous to confirm that.

"This never gets easier", Josh admits as him and Tyler leave the fresh grave behind. After dinner Josh had requested to come back here to check on the torch next to it, to make sure it would stay on for the night ahead of them.

Tyler doesn't reply. Josh doesn't need him to. They step through the high grass until their feet are back onto the dirt paths that years of living here have created.

"Torch! We're about to set off with the first patrol. Do you want us to cover the outer route tonight? Some of us want to stay close after...", Eliot stops the two of them right by their tent.

Tyler gives him a short nod, before entering as Josh discusses tonight's route with him.

"You can wake me up, if something doesn't seem right", Josh says upon joining Tyler, his head turned over his shoulder.

"Sure will. Thank you, TB"

"TB", Tyler echos as he unties his right shoe, "do they even know your real name?"

"In a way, Torchbearer is my 'real' name", Josh chuckles, sitting down next to Tyler.

It comes as a surprise, but Tyler doesn't protest, "I feel it's more like your title rather than your name"

Josh shrugs as he grabs their lantern and turns it on, "why can't it be both?"

Together the two take off their shoes and jackets, well in Josh's case it's a hoodie. It had been a long day, though the last thing Tyler can think of is sleep. He feels like jumping straight back into action, plotting their next move.

These last couple of days, the Banditos have started to split themselves into the three groups Clancy had introduced to them. They started to teach each other simple first aid and some easy self defence. They share experiences and ideas on how to coordinate themselves once the time comes.

"So, how are you feeling?", Josh asks once they both have sorted their things into their respective boxes. They're still sat next to each other on Tyler's bed, their thighs touching due to the lack of space.

"Good", truthfully Tyler had never been better. This has been a good practice of his seizing. However, as he watches Josh's face being pulled into a deep frown, Tyler wonders, if his friend truly understands how important this test run had been.

"You've been inside a dead body only a couple of hours ago? You sure you're doing alright?" Josh places a hand onto Tyler's shoulder.

The antlers by Tyler's side are still attached to his belt as he subconsciously touches them, "I'm fine. This was what I needed. It's only the third time I was able to do this and I'm getting better with it at every attempt"

"I don't know if being good at seizing is something to be proud of", Josh's voice is soft as their eyes meet.

Tyler turns his upper body towards the Bandito Leader and places a hand on Josh's chest, "it is, if that's what makes us free the city"

Josh doesn't seem to find the right words for a rebuttal. Tyler takes the opportunity to lean forward. He hesitates as he waits for Josh's approval, but waiting for such takes too long in Tyler's eyes, so he presses their lips together regardless.

It's no surprise that Josh reciprocates the kiss, even if it's reluctantly. Tyler moves his hand from Josh's chest upwards across his friend's shirt and eventually places it into his neck.

No doubt, it's been way too long since their last kiss. Tyler had missed this feeling. These soft lips on his own, knowing their Josh's, which never fails to make is stomach tingle in excitement.

"It's late", Josh mumbles after a while and slightly pulls away.

"Is there a curfew for kissing?", Tyler jokes.

Josh can't help but smile, "no, no... It's just- We should sleep now, like you said this morning, we barely have time for each other right now, but I've cancelled the supply run for tomorrow. We've got enough food for the next few days. One day for grief, before we go back to the hectic schedule. So, we should postpone this until tomorrow"

"A day off for Mr. Torchbearer?"

"You could say that"

Just as Josh is about to get up, Tyler makes room on his cot, patting the empty space next to him, "I know it's a tight fit, but if you want to..."

"You should know I've never been bothered by a tight fit"

"Oh, shut up!"

 

Chapter 7

Notes:

i need Blurryface to stop teasing us with these tweets and dms, i am actively loosing it

Tyler's laying in a stream of water.

His clothes are soaked.

He can't move, his heart pounding in his chest as the warmth of his body is being drained. Washed away.

The water seems to be pulling him down, forcing him to lay there, stare at the grey sky and shiver in silence, the gravel underneath him pressing into his skin.

"What are you doing, son?", a voice asks him, but Tyler can't turn his head to see who it is. He can't answer either. So, he just lays there and waits. He feels nothing.

"Do you hear me? I asked what are you doing?", the voice is deep and suddenly Tyler can feel the panic rush through his veins. He tries to move, but he can't. He's lost control over his body.

He can hear someone step through the flowing water somewhere around him. A shadow casts upon him and a red hood appears in Tyler's vision, now he knows who's talking to him.

Help!, he tries to scream. He can't. There's no words, no voice. No air. Tyler tries to breath in, but there's just not enough air around him. He closes his eyes as a black hand reaches for him. He lets himself fall back into the water, down into the deep and dark abyss. Everything to get away from that black paint.

A dream.

That's all it was.

A dream that feels distant the next morning.

In fact, Tyler can barely remember it as his hot skin presses against Josh's on top of him. All he does remember though is that they're not alone out here, so he arches his back, pushes his head into his pillow and keeps his mouth ajar with as little sounds leaving his lips as possible.

Josh's breath is warm against his neck, as Tyler tries to keep up with his friend's rhythm.

"Y'good?", Josh asks between two thrusts.

"Mhm", is all that Clancy can get out without moaning too loud.

It's enough for Josh, so they leave it at that.

Later, Tyler's mind however keeps on traveling back to water. Usually, Tyler's dreams are filled with the ocean and trying to swim through heavy ways as he follows Josh. Or at least what Tyler thought to be him.

The tide, the waves and the cold have never truly left Tyler's mind, but that stream was different. It was calm, melodic.

It was Trench.

And Tyler knows exactly where that it. It doesn't take long for him to find the cliff, a part where one of the mountain splits. Below him an overview onto a clear stream that is on his way to meet the ocean. An ocean that would eventually drown all its peacefulness.

Following that stream would also lead him down to a small dirt path with flowers. It would lead him right back to Dema.

Or out of it.

Tyler had walked it a dozen times, years ago, back when-

"What are we looking for?", Josh is right next to him. He's fully back in Torchbearer mode as their shoulders touch. They're both kneeling by the edge of the mini cliff.

Their shared morning has yet to be mentioned between them, but the general mood between them seems more familiar. To Tyler that is, unbeknownst to such, Josh has been eyeing Tyler all morning. Something is wrong, though Josh couldn't quite name what. So he tried to let Tyler lead their small hike, no conversation. Until now.

"I don't know... It's just-", Tyler sighs as he tries to find the right words, rubbing his face "it was way too real, to have just been a dream"

"I get it. Dreams can feel intense. But that doesn't make them real, Tyler- it just means your mind's working overtime. Especially after yesterday..."

There's a warm breeze hugging them, as Tyler's eyes skim the area once more, there must be something out here waiting to explain his dream, "what was so special about yesterday?"

"Lila? The seizing? The burial? I can go on if you'd like", Josh says surprised as he stands up straight. Where are Tyler's thoughts, if not with the one they had lost not even 24 hours ago?

"I don't like that we lost someone, but I didn't know her. Neither did you, at least not really"

"That doesn't mean I'm not allowed to mourn. She was a Bandito just like you and me"

Tyler pushes himself back on to his feet to meet Josh at eye level, "who says I still am one?"

"Sorry?"

For a moment Josh just stares at Tyler, but then he takes a deep breath, the flame of his torch calmly swaying as it burns. The greenery of Trench is laying dangerously behind them, while Tyler steps back from the cliffs edge.

"What's up with you?", Tyler asks impatiently, before Josh gets the chance to say anything. Tyler still hasn't found what he was looking for down in the passage. They really need to get down there before someone misses them in camp.

"I could ask you the same thing. You've been acting strangely since last night"

"I'm fine. In fact, I'm great"

Josh shakes his head, "first you kiss me, then you ask me to share a cot and then you wake me up before sunrise to have sex with you?"

"All of that kinda involves two people. And I don't know about you, but to me that all sounds like something good. Why wouldn't I be fine?"

What is Josh on about?

Yesterday might've been a rough day emotionally for the Banditos, but they walked away from the situation with good intel. Bishop Nills seems to be keeping a close on the city's walls. The attack on the supply runs are too coordinated, to be isolated events. Nills is trying to cut them off from the city, which is no surprise really, but the confirmation of the involvement of the Bishop is worth gold.

Just this morning Debby was already rescheduling the times they would enter the city, switching up the entries and routes. If this is how the Bishops want to play this game, the Banditos are the last ones too shy away because of some minor push back.

Plus, in the end, Tyler got to use his antlers again. Their call from them has luckily gone quiet ever since.

"You don't see it, do you?"

"See what?", Tyler's annoyed. They really need to keep going.

"I fear that I'm losing you", Josh scoffs way angrier than he probably had intended to, "again. And fear that this time I can't guide you"

"What?", Tyler stops in his tracks. The constant looks he'd been throwing over his shoulder the entire conversation die down, as he watches Josh's expression be drowned in worry.

"Don't you realise it? You've been obsessed with those antlers ever since you got back and that seizing yesterday? You've been having this weird look on your face. I worry about you. I could've pushed you away earlier today, probably should've. But I want us to be close again, Ty. Just not... I worry you're loosing yourself", Josh admits as he steps back closer to Tyler. The warmth of his torch reaches Tyler's face almost instantly.

Tyler tries to concentrate on Josh's words, but the stream of water keeps distracting him. They physically can't hear it up here, though its sounds are engraved in his ears. It's a tinnitus with the melody of water.

Has Tyler changed again?

Has the high of seizing taken over him again?

He reaches for his hair, the fingers of his right hand grabbing his hair as he tries to think about what emotions are currently in control.

Is this really happening?

The antlers on his belt rattle in the breeze.

Or do they?

He wants to grab them, but Josh's face is right there. Reminding him of the situation and the fact that right now, he should rather not touch them and suppress the impulse.

Why did he even bring them out here?

Well, Tyler's been carrying them around with him everywhere. But why?

"Tyler?", Josh asks as he places a hand onto Tyler's shoulder.

Tyler hasn't answered yet. He can't. His thoughts are coming in from all sides, his dream about Nico, the Banditos, the fire pit last night reflecting in Tyler's eyes from when he had left Lila's body again. The reality of returning back into his body.

His body. Tyler's body.

It's confining. As if his skin doesn't feel right over his bones.

He wants more of what he is when he seizes. Of that power, that rushes through him.

He wants the control. Maybe because he doesn't have any over himself, and never had.

His world was spinning, "I need to sit down"

"Sure, of course", without any further ado Josh directs him to a rock to sit on, "talk to me. What's going on?"

"Who am I?", Tyler asks helpless.

Who is he? He's Tyler, but he's so much more when he uses the antlers. He's the exception, the one that brought Lila's body back with no complications, with no hesitation, with no issue. He left Dema with such ease inside a dead body, someone might've thought he just went out to grab some groceries.

He's Clancy. The one said to kill the Bishops. To kill Blurryface. Nico.

"You're my boyfriend, Ty", Josh lips move so satisfyingly, Tyler can't help but reach out to touch them.

"Boyfriend?"

"Yeah, silly. You and me. Remember? Back here when you were trying to escape Bishop Nico and we saw each other again after being apart for weeks? Back here we kissed for the first time on that hot sunny day and you asked me if this is where I take all of the Banditos, because I was too shy to admit how much I liked you?"

Memories. Good memories. Tyler tries holding his breath to gain control of his thoughts. He waits for his chest to burn, concentrating on that, focusing all his energy on it. He needs to breath out all the overwhelming input, he needs to get it out of him and make room for who he truly is. So he pushes all the air out and let's his body take the rest of the oxygen out of his lungs until it hurts.

"Tyler, breath", Josh sounds anxious.

No, not yet. The pain in Tyler's lungs helps him concentrate. He needs to focus on what's happening here and right now. If he breathes in, it's all going to swap over him again.

"C'mon, breath", it takes a moment for Tyler to realise it, but Josh has placed a hand onto his chest, rubbing it through the fabric. It's nice and Tyler shifts his thoughts from forced nothingness to the up and down movements of his boyfriend's palm.

Tyler breathes in. And out. And in again.

"That's good, keep going", Josh mumbles as he keeps his hand moving up and down in the same rhythm as Tyler's breathing.

Eventually, Tyler is able to look at Josh again with a clear mind, "what's happening to me?"

"I'm not sure, but we'll figure it out. Together, I promise"

×××

"Dear Clancy,

you've showed us what you can do. In a sense it amazes me, in another it frightens me. I'm not afraid of you, we've known each other for a long time now, you could never scare me away. I'll fight by your side. But I fear for what this means.
We don't know where the Bishops come from, how old they are, how old their power is or where they got it from. We don't know anything. They've erased history to bend it to their liking and they will continue to do so for as long as they'll reign. I hate it. I hate them.
We shouldn't wait much longer now. Our supplies are filling up again, it's getting warmer and I am filled with confidence. We will win, Tyler. We will win.

Hopeful

Mark"

It's the first letter Tyler receives from Mark ever. They've always communicated clearly with each other. No notes, no letters, just late night conversations by the fire. Now, that things are different, Tyler can see why Mark adapted and instead of seeking out a conversation, he's diverted to writing.

Tyler keeps more to himself these days, he's always in his tent, even though he tries to regularly push himself out of that habit and mindlessly wanders around camp from time to time. He watches Nora cook her herbs (she cooks them one vile at a time in her little cup every morning), he sees Soren with his old Uke late at night and he sees Mark, busy as one can be. But Tyler rarely interrupts him.

Reading his letter makes Tyler regret that. They've been close, it isn't fair to his friend to keep building up this distance. He'll seek out a good moment and sit down with him, get Mark updated about everything that's going on in Tyler's head and listen to how Mark's been these last couple years.

"New fan mail?", Josh jokes later that day as Tyler organises their tent. It's not messy, but Tyler needed something to keep his mind occupied. Despite being clearer now, the overwhelming sense of confidence is still lingering.

"It's from Mark. We haven't spoken much since I've been back. I guess he needed to get this off his chest", Tyler explains as he watches Josh get comfortable in his cot.

"He's missed you just as much as I did"

"I don't like how much distance my absence has caused between us. All of us"

Josh's eyes are gloomy in the light of their lantern, "is that why you don't see yourself as a Bandito anymore?"

"I don't know. Could be", Tyler sighs as he crawls over the floor to sit by his boyfriend's side, "there's so much going on in my head, Josh. Why am I suddenly dreaming of Nico again? Wasn't it Keons who occupied my brain for days?"

"Are you sure it was Nico? In your dream? Did you see him or someone you thought to be him?"

Tyler thinks for a moment, "I just saw the red hood, but I recognised his voice, or at least it sounded like him"

"And you're certain it was his voice?"

"Stop asking me all these questions, I don't know what I saw or heard anymore. The more I think about it, the more the memory becomes twisted"

It has been a strange day. Tyler's mind is exhausted from all the emotions running through him. Watching Josh's soft features, and meeting that comforing gaze, however, allowed Tyler to relax at least a little bit, before Josh continued:

"I believe that you've been through a lot. Keons wasn't a good person, but he betrayed another Bishop for your sake. It's only natural that that stirs up your emotions. And Nico? He's been tormenting you ever since you've been a child. He's the voice of your insecurities. You dreamed about him every night when we first met, you told me", Josh is now hugging Tyler from behind. Torchbearer on his cot, Clancy sitting on the floor in front of it, "it's a lot. You pushed through so much already, I believe you can win this fight too. But please promise me that whatever is going on, whatever it is that you're feeling: tell me. That's the only way I can help"

Tyler grabs Josh's arm, clinging onto it, "I can't describe what's going through my head. Sometimes I get the impression that I'm being controlled by someone else. When I seize I get that control back, I'm suddenly in charge and it makes me feel good. And when I don't seize... These antlers, I feel like they're talking to me. Putting thoughts in my head, giving me urges to do something. Today, when we were out in Trench? That was the first time I didn't hear or sense their call. It was just the water, calm water that occupied my mind. When I felt it in my dream, I thought it meant something"

"Perhaps it did. Perhaps it didn't. But for now I think you should leave those antlers here, in our tent. Putting some distance between the two of you might help understand things", Josh suggests as his head rests on Tyler's shoulder.

"I think you're right... And sorry about last night and this morning. I was pushing for intimacy without proper conversation. Clancy kinda took over there"

Tyler can feel Josh reach out for Tyler's face, turning it to face him and pressing their lips together for a brief moment.

"As long as that is what Tyler wants as well, it'll be what I want..."

"And what Torchbearer wants?"

"Sure"

×××

On the other side of a dirt path, one could see a worried man. His arms crossed in front of his chest, next to him a glorious gone with glooming red eyes.

Bishop Nills can't believe he didn't see this coming. Of course the rebels would try and get their own back. Who would've thought they'd be so bold.

That he would be.

Tyler, or Clancy what he seems to call himself these days. Nico had been assuring everyone that kid was no one to worry about, he'd be back in Dema and under their control in no time. But having seen Keons seized body that night has awoken doubts in Nills.

Clancy is the exception, he's found the island and his powers are strong. That was for sure. Unfortunately for the Bishops, those abilities have also boosted the young man's confidence. Maneuvering a seized body through Dema in broad daylight? Nills didn't believe the eye witnesses at first, that's how ridiculously that sounded. But it had been true.

"So, is this what you do all day?", the dead body next to him asks in a strange tone. Nills can imagine Nico on the other end in his tower, behind them, just standing there.

"Usually I'm at your end of this, but yes", Nills murmurs as he watches the familiar fog of the night gather in the distance.

"Hm, and you still lost that girl's body?"

"Shut up"

The dead boy turns around deadly fasr, almost falling over in the process, causing Nills to nearly loose his balance, "watch your mouth!"

"You said not to worry about Clancy and look what he's been up to. Sneaking in and out of the city right under our noses. And what are you doing? You hide. Because you fear what else he can do", Nills doesn't seem to be impressed by his friend's threat in the slightest.

"I don't fear anything", Nico's voice is unmistakable even in this vessel.

Nills shakes his head, "maybe you need to start changing that"

Chapter 8

Notes:

Happy The Contract Release Week! It's so good!
Anyway, this is a longer chapter since it took me a bit longer to update :)

Evidently Tyler has changed. In a sense, everybody changes constantly as they learn and adapt throughout their life. Change is the constant companion of time. Although Tyler has changed more than that, he had to learn and adapt more than most.

Sometimes Tyler wondered who he would've become, if he had never left Dema. Would he have ever found happiness? Fulfilment? Or would he already be outside the city grounds five feet under? But then, he did leave and the joined the Banditos. Which then leads Tyler to wonder what would've happened if Blurryface never got him back. If he hadn't lived through years of captivity.

It's the what-ifs that occupied Tyler throughout his time on Voldsøy. Trapped on that island, he would ask Josh about it. What he thought, who they would be and what they would be doing if all of that never happened. Josh had always kept his answers short, yet comforting. They'd be doing the same thing: wandering around the landscapes, something they were gonna continue to do once they're back on Trench.

One important thing that Tyler had learned through all of it was that his mind was a dangerous place. If he let go of what mentally kept him sane, it would spiral down into dark corners. Desires and impulses would be taking control, that were both unhealthy for his soul and body. One thing that would keep him afloat was to shield himself from his own emotions. Putting an invisible barrier between him and the negative and positive thoughts flying through his head. It had helped him survive in Dema, it helped him deal his fear when leaving it, it helped him write scaled and icy for the Bishops and it helped him to get back to Trench.

Talking to Josh had helped him keep that barrier up. At least that's what Tyler thought for a long time. Knowing that Josh had never physically been there, continues to have Tyler wonder if he truly had needed Josh to make it, or if he was (in the end) strong enough by himself.

Tyler needed to get his mind in order. He's been in a haze for these past couple of weeks. The trauma, the anxiety, the dreams.

The questions kept piling up.

So far, Tyler saw his doubts and fears as weaknesses, it had been a necessity to cast them out. Otherwise he wouldn't be, where he was now. But that has changed. Tyler now wondered what would happen if he utilized them. Like Nico, because in the end that's all that Blurryface was: A man utilizing people's fears to gain power.

And Tyler needs strength and control of this power to not only face the Bishops but put himself above them. Could he gain that from his insecurities and anxiety?

Tyler needs answers, but most importantly he needs that answer.

So, once Josh had fallen asleep after their conversation about Tyler's antlers and state of mind, Tyler had sneaked out of their tent and left Josh to cuddle Tyler's empty blanket.

Tonight Tyler had to do this alone. No antlers, no Josh, no projection, just him. Tyler had pulled his hood over his head to avoid people recognising or talking to him. It was in the middle of the night, but Soren and a few others had still been sat by the fire and the patrols were changing shifts.

Despite the camp still being so lively, Tyler had sneaked out of camp without anyone noticing, followed down a path away from the lights and down to a stream of water.

Looking up now, he could see the edge of the cliff him and Josh had been standing on earlier. In front of him the melodic stream dancing through the rocks and gravel. If Tyler were to touch it, he knows he would feel how cold the water still was. The air might be warming up, but the melting snow on the mountains is still cooling down the water.

Tyler steps through the cold liquid, head held high as the moon guides him forward, his shoes soaking through within seconds. In the distance his ears keep on hearing a horse coming his way, but Tyler knows it's nothing more than a faint memory. A memory that he can't be scared of. Because that would mean he's still scared of Blurryface.

Which he is. But the more Tyler tries to tell himself he needs to use that fear, the less his tight chest bothers him.

"Use it", Tyler mumbles to no one but himself.

He puts one foot in front of the other as he repeats it to himself.

Use it.

Use it.

Use it.

Tyler continues to step through the bright night. His eyes continuously scan the shadows for a figure. A hooded one. The ones from his dreams. Had that truly been Nico? Perhaps it had been Keons? Or someone else entirely.

During his time in Dema, Tyler hadn't interacted with many Bishops. He saw them during the assemblies or on one of their few TV appearances. In a way, Tyler had been near Bishop Nills the other day, but had that truly been Tyler?

"Whatever", Tyler sighs annoyed with himself. Where are his thoughts going?

Focus, Tyler, Focus.

Why is Tyler truly scared of the Bishops?

They are powerful.

"I am powerful", Tyler rebuttals while he keeps following the water stream.

"They can control me"

The simple thought of Blurryface infiltrating his soul and body, let Tyler break out into shivers. For a long time, Tyler didn't know what was going on back then. Being actively seized while alive, is undermining and humiliating. Who was Tyler if nothing more than worthless, a vessel for someone else? No wonder they didn't want him to leave... in any way.

Come to think of it though, Tyler realises that it has been years since Blurryface had seized him. And even now, he couldn't feel the Bishop even attempting. Something Nico did to track Tyler down during his countless escapes. There was no grip around Tyler's mind... So, are the Bishops still controlling him?

"No, they don't control me"

'I control them', goes unsaid, but the words sting the tip of Tyler's tongue.

Tyler continues to follow the path that his emotions are laying out for him. He doesn't follow the set path back to Dema and yet eventually can see its walls in the distance. The tip of some of the Bishops towers peaking over it as he kneels into the wet moss.

They hurt me. They humiliated me. They took everything from me.

"And I want it back. I want myself back", Tyler forms his hands into fists. They had taken a lot from him growing up: his family, his friends and every piece of his personality to form Tyler into something they can use. And at last, they tried to drain his creativity, to take the last thing he had been left with.

Tyler didn't pull himself out of that hole for nothing.

He won't let them win, not this time.

Dema is going to burn. The Bishops are going to die and Tyler's ready to do what it takes. Even if that means doing it alone.

Despite being so far away from the city, he narrows his eyes to still try to see something. If Nills is patrolling the few entrances, it's going to be a lot harder to get inside.

How come they aren't always running into him though? Are there more entrances they don't know about? How does Bishop Nills decide which ones he's guarding?

If only there was a way to gain insides on the Bishop's thinking. The only way to get a sense of their plans is to either watch them or have them watch you. The latter being seemingly useless, however, Tyler learned that you learn a lot through the way they're watching you and what they are telling you, and what not.

"I wonder...", Tyler's gaze shifts down to his hands. He spreads his cold fingers, his left hand twitching, urging to touch his throat.

"Oh"

×××

"Are you sure it's fine? I can try and find the right tools to fix it", Soren smiles nervously as his cheeks turn pink.

Tyler turns the Uke in his hands, mesmerized by how familiar the wooden texture feels "don't worry, it's perfect. Thank you for taking care of her"

"No worries, Clancy"

Tyler brings the instrument back into his tent. There Mark and Josh are waiting for him. They're set to move their plans into the next phase soon, they've set up a meeting for today.

At this point it feels like a routine to do their planning out by the shore. These last couple days Tyler had a hard time coming out here, they're busy with camp and his trips down to the water stream have taken up most of his time. Though, once the fresh and sharp wind tingles his cheeks, he feels like he's never left this place. The ocean beyond the cliff, the sound of the vultures and the lonely seagulls in the sky feel like a hug from all sides. It reminds him of how far he's come since his return.

Together, Tyler, Josh, Mark, Debby and Jenna sit down in their usual circle on the ground. Josh's map is laid out in front of them. It doesn't take long for them to be able to put names down. Lots of Banditos have come forward. They want to help, in any way they can. Even the ones that can't fight have offered everything they can. They form groups and coordinate them.

"If Bishop Nills patrols the overground exits, we should use the ones further out", Jenna has been out here for a long time, just like Josh, she remembers the Bandito's old ways. The way they used to go in and out of the city before they knew about the tunnels.

"Most of them have collapsed, and the ones that haven't are bound to", Josh sighs as he follows her gaze over the map, "we used them because we had to, but now we have other options"

Mark shakes his head, "do we? Because as far as I can tell, all other options have become rather dangerous. Ty- Clancy needs to go unnoticed. They can't know he's coming until it's too late"

"I know, but we can't use those paths anymore. We need to use the tunnels. Which means we need a good distraction: the first wave. We're strong, the volunteers know what they're signing up for. I don't like it, and I'm aware that neither do any of you, but I believe that this is the way"

Tyler watches Josh's lips move as he talks. How can someone's mouth be so mesmerising? He truly hopes the others aren't noticing his stares. Tyler hasn't said much, he's too occupied with his boyfriend. Josh always seems to find the right words. Sometimes Tyler wonders how Josh is always so confident in what he says. A small wave of guilt builds up in Tyler. He shouldn't have left their tent last night without telling Josh.

"Do you think you can guide us through this fight?", Jenna asks reluctantly as she seemingly understands that this might be their only option.

"The path is clear in my mind. We can do this, exactly the way we're planning it. We just need to do it together", Torchbearer always appears to have this old wisdom about him, despite Josh being just as old as the rest of them.

Debby, who sits on the opposite side of their circle to Tyler, rubs her hands together, "alright. So, we've got our group at camp which stays with me, we got our second wave led by Mark and wave one with Jenna, Torch and Clancy. The two latter split off with Paul and Tyson. Which tunnel entrance are you gonna use?"

They need to momentum of surprise, avoiding Nills at all costs. Tyler would make sure to find the right entrance. And even though he left his antlers by his bedside this morning, he knows that they're agreeing with his idea.

"I'll make sure to find the right one", Tyler answers out loud with such a determination that it surprises even himself.

Once they finish their inventory list of things they have and an additional list with the few supplies they still need, Debby, Jenna and Mark leave Tyler and Josh alone by the shore.

It is weird seeing 'Clancy's Outfit' on the top of their 'still need' list. At this point Tyler's gotten used to his Voldsøy clothes, while also knowing that putting on the Jacket with red tape himself for the first time was going to be more than just an outfit change. It was him finally committing to Clancy, and his ultimate goal.

"How are you feeling?", Josh spreads out his legs across the dry moss. The sun is warm, drying the humid air and the usual wet ground of Trench.

"Good- Well, more like myself at least and I didn't have a nightmare last night"

"I'm glad"

Tyler doesn't like that he's keeping things from Josh and right now might've been a good time to pour out his heart, but something's holding Tyler back. He knows he should tell Josh about wanting to use his fears to fuel his powers, his plans of seizing again in the near future to help them get inside information from within the walls of Dema and the tingle in his fingers that tells him to touch his own- or someone else's- throat. He's been open to Josh about his fear of becoming a Bishop, the new Keons. However, Tyler also knows that Josh wouldn't like what he hears, he would try to hold Tyler back, find alternatives and for some reason Tyler doesn't want that.

"You left the antlers in the tent too... And your Uke", Josh smiles as his left hand reaches out for Tyler's.

Tyler takes it, "I don't feel like writing. Every time I try to put words onto paper it feels wrong, I feel sick. I figured maybe just playing a few notes might help"

"Or maybe you'll be inspired enough by simply having your old stuff around you again. Not gonna lie, our tent is pretty bare, especially your side. What happened to the mess of clothes and the pinned pictures to the inside of your tent?"

"Oh, yeah... I remember. It was so annoying when it rained, the paper I pinned would get soggy. But you're right, my tent did have a personality", Tyler can't help but laugh at this memory. Josh also smiles.

"Maybe once things get better, we can find us a good apartment in Dema and decorate it the way we like it. Preferably with colours and proper pictures. Everything's so monotone out here after a while"

"You think? I honestly can't get enough of this", Tyler gestures to the mountains far, far away from them with his free hand "can you imagine what else is out here that we don't know of"

"Sometimes, but in time we can figure that out, but for now I can't think of anything more exciting than creating a future of us together in a lousy one-room apartment that we get to turn into something we can call ours forever. Even if it's just in my mind"

"How romantic"

Josh playfully rolls his eyes as he leans forward, lowering his voice "as if you never think about us and what is to come... Don't forget I was there when you wrote formidable, sorta at least"

There's a pressure in Tyler's chest. Josh wasn't actually there when he wrote it that night.

"Who says I wrote that about you", Tyler giggles as his free hand grabs Josh's chin, his own voice soft yet teasing, "could've been about anyone"

"Don't be so cheeky"

"Cheeky is my middle name"

It takes a silent moment between them, before Josh frees his hand out of Tyler's, so that he can cup his boyfriend's face with both of his hands instead. Some dirt is rubbing off on Tyler's skin, but he doesn't mind.

"You're unbelievable", Josh mumbles as he pulls Tyler in softly and kisses him.

Tyler pulls Josh in closer by his chin, taking the taste of his boyfriend's lips and feeling the way they're always so soft, no matter how dry the air is.

"I love you"

It's the first time either of them says it since their reunion. And of course it is Josh who's able to admit it first. Not only has he been guiding them through Trench, but also through their relationship. Making the right moves at always the seemingly right time, picking up pace when their relationship seems to be trapped and hitting the break when they're getting over their heads.

In a way, this might be the only circumstance where Tyler never wants to be in control. He likes how Josh manages and keeps up with him whenever he can't even keep up with himself.

So he answers, even if his throat is worryingly tight: "I love you too"

×××

The tide inside Tyler continues to push and pull. Sometimes it dies down, sometimes it picks up in force. Back when Tyler used to secretly write his little songs way too late at night, he would let his emotions swap over him like almost tsunami like waves.

Writing songs felt like the ventile he needed after casting out his feelings. Whenever Tyler had left Dema back then, pushing away the fear and his anxiety, so that he could leave even if it was just for a couple hours, writing about it, helped.

It had kind of been his cycle: to gain focus in critical situations he'd push away the negative that usually numbed him, he ran away from his doubts to be able to survive and once he was out of that Situation, Tyler would deal with the overwhelming senses by transferring them into songs. Into singing and writing and pulling silent strings until something tells him it's enough.

Creativity had been engraved in him. It was never hard to put something together, but these days Tyler felt like a low tide, an ebb.

There is nothing coming out of him. But how could an ocean run out of water?

Perhaps Tyler had drowned his emotions too deep.

No.

His emotions have been all over the place lately.

The nightmares, the fake-memory of or from Keons, Blurryface and these god forsaken antlers.

Could there be such a thing as too many emotions?

Tyler is laying awake next to Josh underneath the covers. He's staring at the tent's ceiling and has been for hours. Next to him: his Uke. He feels like playing with it and burning it in the fire pit at the same time.

"Use it", Tyler whispers into the silence. Josh's been asleep for a while, his face buried into the pillow, and as Tyler turns to look at his boyfriends side profile he repeats, "use it"

The tips of his fingers linger over the instrument's strings next to him. Tyler slightly turns his right wrist back and forth until his fingertips stroke the strings. It's a faint sound, but to Tyler it feels like the loudest note he's ever played.

Throughout the next hours he repeats the movement of his hand and wrist, listening to each string pull while Josh continues to sleep, unaware of Tyler's restless night. The only thing watching him are his antlers by his own cot on the other side of the tent.

"Use it", two words and for once they're not directed to himself.

From one moment to the other, Tyler's racing mind switches momentum. Away from the instrument, the rhythm that once used to rush through his veins, towards Voldsøy, the Banditos and his mission.

The Banditos need the insights from within Dema. They need to know what's going on these nights. Seizing Lola went so smoothly, it couldn't hurt to take another peak, right? One more seizing for a flood of information? A good trade? All Tyler needs to do is control himself.

His thoughts feel like lightning striking through his head as the idea starts to form into an impulse.

Just like the prior night, Tyler withdraws himself from Josh's cuddle, crumbling the blanket next to him, so that his boyfriend wouldn't sense his absence.

Tyler silently crawls over the tents floor, past his Uke and over to his cot. There, he sits down, legs crossed and grabs an antler with each hand. Before he raises them over his head, he throws another look over to sleeping Josh: it's a peaceful sight.

"I'm sorry", Tyler exhales through fast breaths. His body is electrified. His hands grip around the antler's bases is tight. And he is sorry, unfortunately not enough to stop himself.

With raised arms, Tyler lets his mind drift. He lets go of everything and like that the tide pulls him out of his body and into the air within the blink of an eye.

Who was he going to seize? He didn't know of a seizable body.

Perhaps he hadn't thought this through, but then again, Clancy has always been acting on impulses. To him searching for a fitting body is like flying, he sees the blurry landscapes of Trench, the paths and the trees. He automatically navigates into the city behind the hills, that's where he needs to be anyway.

There's a call once he's closer to Dema. It's a silent shouting of his name. Clancy follows it. It guides him beyond the walls and into a house in a to him unknown district. He's never been there and yet he seems to know where to go.

It happens fast and involuntarily but suddenly he finds himself in a dark room, no light and a cold hand holding his own. There's a shadow cast on the wall to his right and a silhouette drawn by the moon on his left. It's a young boy with blonde hair. He's crying.

"Where are we?", Clancy asks nonchalant as he tries to ground himself in the body.

The kid screams before falling over backwards. He hits the ground hard, covering his mouth with both of his shaking hands.

"I'm so sorry, Bishop", the boy pleads.

Clancy lets the body raise an eyebrow as he sits up, his back is aching and the skin on his left wrist is tense, "I'm no Bishop. What's your name?"

"Ryan"

"Nice to meet you Ryan. Where are we?"

The boy looks around the empty room, he's still on the floor and his fright is written all over his face, "who are you? How are you doing this? Get out of my brother!"

"Don't be so loud", Clancy swings his legs over the edge of the bed, "tell me, where are we?"

"D-Dema?"

Clancy is starting to lose patience, but as he watches Ryan continue to silently cry, he reminds himself of how odd of a picture this must be and relaxes his shoulders.

"Ryan, listen. I'm not a Bishop, my name's Clancy and I need to know where in Dema we are. We don't have endless time"

"Clancy?! Oh my god", Ryan's demeanor changes in an instant, "I thought that was a tale to keep me there! Are you with rebellion!?"

This will make things a lot easier, Clancy thinks to himself as he gets up from the bed. He's finally found a sense for the body. He's smaller than usual, but more muscular.

"Yes that's me, not a tale and yes, I am", he replies, pulling Ryan back onto his feet.

"We're in Listo's district. It's late and my brother-"

Clancy looks down onto his arms, everything is fresh, "I see, I'm sorry about your brother, but I need to take a look outside. Can you show me the way?"

Ryan nods, before he pushes himself past Clancy out of the room and into a hallway. It's quiet and dark there too. They seem to be alone.

Together they sneak out of the apartment, through a staircase down to the street. Everything's bare and grey here, a familiar picture, but Tyler misses Trench, his heart aching back in the tent as the lifeless scenery unfolds itself. The towers are close, maybe three or four streets further down and the city's walls seem almost unreachable from here. At least for this night.

"I can show you the meeting room, if you'd like", Ryan's voice isn't fully through puberty, cracking into a high tone every other word. Clancy wonders how old he is.

"What meeting room?", he asks instead as he turns around to face the younger boy again.

"Uhm, of red, you know", Ryan taps his shoulders.

Right, the red rebellion. Pride is running through Clancy's veins back in the Bandito Camp. His own lips pulled into a smirk, the seized body's face however stays expressionless.

"I'd appreciate it. Is this area heavily guarded?", Clancy's voice is lower than he's used to when he speaks.

Ryan starts leading the way. They circle the building and push themselves through the gaps between or underneath the apartment buildings as they walk west, parallel to the towers.

"Usually it is, but lately the guards are patrolling the streets closer to the walls. Makes meetings easier for us" the young boy throws a smile over his shoulder, but Clancy isn't fooled. He can see the lingering tears in his eyes. And who could blame him? He must've lost his brother only a few hours ago and now he's talking to Clancy who's possessing said brother's body.

"Are there many of you?"

"You can see for yourself"

Together they turn one last corner before Ryan climbs over a fence and walks down a run down stone staircase. It's dark outside, but once they reach the last step, Clancy can see light coming from the gap underneath the door.

Ryan knocks four times, then another two and says "abre tu corazón"

Corazón, Tyler's body hums quietly in the silent tent, while Clancy watches a woman with jet black hair open the door for him and Ryan. She smiles at Ryan in surprise, before she turns to his company and her smile fades instantly as she discovers Clancy's red eyes.

In a panic she tries to push the door close again, but Ryan stops her by putting himself in the doorframe, "it's okay. It's Clancy"

The woman's eyes are still wide open, her breathing irregular, "i-is it really?"

Clancy nods calmly.

"But-?", her voice suddenly changes in tone. She narrows her brows, and a tear starts running down her cheek, "J-Jason's dead?"

While Ryan confirms, breaking down into tears himself, Clancy pushes himself into the room as well, so that they're at least out of sight. The room itself is big, the walls are painted in the typical beige-gray mixture of every public building in dema. Most walls however are plastered in posters, notes and maps of the city, it adds colour.
To his right, Clancy can count about twelve people sitting across in four rows of chairs, facing the wall on the other end of the room. They're all wearing black shirts and jackets with red tape.

Just like he taught them.

The Bishops couldn't see yellow, allowing the Banditos to hide behind that. They need and want to be invisible for the regime yet recognisable for the citizens. But for Clancy that is no longer an option: he doesn't want to hide, he wants the people to know he's here. He wants the Bishops to know there are people rising up against them.

"Jason?", someone in the back row gets up off his chair, pointing at Clancy's- Jason's- arms, "what happened, are you okay?"

"Jason's dead", Clancy confirms to the rest, while behind him Ryan is still being comforted by the woman that had opened the door.

Upon a closer look, Clancy recognises some of the people in front of him. About half of them have been around when he first talked to them a few weeks ago. Of course, they wouldn't recognise him back, so he adds as no one says anything, "another reason why vialism needs to end"

The light in the room is flickering while Clancy walks past the rows of chairs towards the front. The woman from the door follows him. Ryan sits down in one of the chairs in the back row.

"Is everything okay?"

"Clancy, is that you?"

"What is happening?"

"The Bishops won't talk to us anymore. They stopped attending the services in person"

"Bishop Nills still does, I think"

Clancy claps Jason's hands together to gain everyone's attention. The woman who had followed him, is now stood next to him. She looks preoccupied, so Clancy gestures to her to sit down as well, "nothing happened, at least not yet"

All eyes are on him.

"We are finalising our plan from the outside, but I need to know what's going on in here. The tunnel exists are being heavily patrolled. Someone must've talked"

A guy with broad shoulders and shaved hair in the front shrugs, "people disappear. They're questioning everyone that seems suspicious inside their towers and we never see those people again"

"Who questions them? The Bishops?"

"Yeah..."

Clancy nods slowly, pacing from side to side, "were you able to find more paths? I know that some of you show up at camp from time to time"

"We found some maintenance shafts with doors to the tunnels. There's also one that leads directly into the sewer system", someone answers.

"Can you show me on a map?"

"Of course"

And they do. They show Clancy their updated maps, old scripts and letters. It takes all night for them to update Clancy on their latest findings, and once he's back in his own body, he feels overwhelmed by all the information.

But in the end his body is finally tired. The Uke is pushed back to his side, as he joins Josh back under the covers. Josh hasn't woken up during any of this, he simply throws his arm back around his boyfriend and continues to breathe consistently.

"I'm sorry", Tyler mumbles again, before succumbing to his tiredness and drifting into his own deep sleep.

Chapter 9

"J,

meet me by the waterfalls

Ty"

The note seems so abnormal that Josh almost thinks the wind must've carried it in and placed it on his pillow. That isn't possible of course, but it doesn't feel like a current-day occurrence to him, that Tyler would've written him a note and asked him to come down there.

However the note is fresh, the paper must've been ripped out of his own notepad and the ink is barely dry. Couldn't they have left together?

Josh wouldn't have denied 1:1 time, especially since they barely had any, these last couple of weeks. In fact, besides a little bit of stargazing, a few kisses here and there and some short conversations by the shore, they barely did anything to care for their relationship. It's a lot more than Josh would've expected after Tyler had freshly returned, but it's significantly less than what they used to do.

Before... everything they used to spend every minute of the day together, getting to know each corner of each other's mind and personality. Sharing stories and creating imaginary futures for them. What they were going to do with their freedom. How the Banditos are going to live out in the wild, build their own town and spread the word over the lies the Bishops injected into their citizens. How Tyler and Josh would just sail away into the sunset to see what else they could discover together.

For years, Josh's entire world was dictated by 'how are we going to survive the night?', 'how can we help people cross the city's walls?' or 'where is my next meal going to come from?'. He's always cared for the ones around them. No sleep, barely any food, just Trench guiding him from camp to Dema and back.

But then Tyler came along and Josh suddenly found his purpose in life: loving him. Tyler was fearless, funny and understanding, despite his own struggles. He always listened to Josh and it felt like the two of them were ruling the world.

Being apart for six years changed their lives once more. Being back together after such a long time apart is like meeting each other for the first time all over again. And they desperately need to figure things out, they need to talk about the obvious changes in their lives and be up front with each other about what they want going forward. Josh believes that there is no time for that in their current situation, but once all of this is over, Josh really needs to have this conversation with Tyler. However, all Josh intends to do for the moment is to comfort his boyfriend through the traumatizing memories and support him with the heavy burden he's carrying.

The waterfall Tyler is referencing is one of many further east. The rivers and streams out there carry the melted snow and water sources from the mountains down to the ocean. The two of them used to spend a lot of time there, before Tyler had discovered his love for the shore down south.

It's hard for Josh to leave camp during these days. He's responsible for a lot of things, he's the one making decisions and coordinating everyone. They'll be fine without him for a few hours, but he feels like he's abandoning them every time he sneaks out without telling anyone. Even though Mark and Debby are quite good at managing camp as well.

Walking through the nature path, Josh wonders what Tyler is up to. He's become rather unpredictable ever since his return, though the excitement for a moment between just the two of them drowns away any worries Josh could possibly form.

It's about a twenty minute walk until Josh reaches 'their' waterfall. It's one of the smaller ones with a big pond.
He finds Tyler spread out on one of the flat stones around the pond's edges, only wearing his makeshift underwear from that island, his naked skin shining softly in the afternoon sun. The numerous new scars on Tyler's body don't go unnoticed, although Josh is relieved to see that none of them seem any younger than a month.

If there was enough time, Josh could've watched Tyler laying there for hours, admiring every inch of his body, while his chest peacefully lifts up and down. But there is a far more important detail about the picture Josh needs to address.

"You shaved your head", Josh expresses, unable to hide his surprise. He's stopped a couple of steps before Tyler.

Tyler, whose arms are crossed behind his head, opens his eyes slowly to throw Josh a confused look, and answers nonchalantly, "it's gotten way too long again"

"B-But I like it long", Josh's sorrow shouldn't be as big as it is over a little bit of hair, but he admittedly loves the way it frames Tyler's face, especially when the Bishops had him grow it out even more. Even though it had been the Bishops, they sure knew how to make Tyler appear attractive on TV. Josh of course would never admit this to Tyler, he couldn't remind his boyfriend of his trauma like that.

"You'll get over it"

Josh frowns over the cocky answer, but doesn't comment on it, "so, what are we doing out here? It's still too cold to go for a swim"

"This place reminds me of us. Isn't that reason enough?"

"I guess, it's just that we don't really have been here in a long time", Josh sighs as he steps up onto the row of rocks to sit down next to Tyler. He instinctively rubs Tyler's shaved head.

It's been years since the two of them have spent time out here and Josh only came by this place a handful of time on his own since then. The pond presents itself as a good water source if the streams are too dry in the summer.

Tyler watches Josh from underneath for a moment, before he speaks again, "did you miss me, when I was gone?"

The sudden shift in tone and topic causes Josh to blink, but his answer is immediate and honest, "every second"

"I still can't believe I didn't notice you weren't actually there. I couldn't even mourn our time apart properly"

"Perhaps that was your brain trying to protect you from the truth. I-", Josh moves his hand away from Tyler's head, staring off into the distance, "I believe that deep down you knew, but admitting that to yourself, would've been catastrophic"

"I was held captive in the tower of silence for six years, I'd say that's pretty 'catastrophic' in itself"

Tyler's town is cold and distant. It surprises Josh. He's relieved to know that Tyler appears to not be a complete mess, but he would've expected more emotions to be attached to those memories.

Perhaps there is something else going on with him today?

"I'm sorry you had to go through that", Josh admits. To him, projecting is a strange phenomenon. No one taught him how to do it and Josh has accepted that this is perhaps one of the many secrets Trench holds. He can't remember what his projection did or said, though he sometimes dreams about places he's never been to, sees Tyler in situations he wasn't with him for. Josh needs to come to terms with that maybe he'll never know for sure what happened, if Tyler would continue to keep that to himself as well.

The only thing Josh knows is that Tyler was lost. A strange pull in his chest confirmed it every day, and so Josh continued to guide Tyler with the support of Josh's own gift.

Being back together has proved to him that he did the right thing. Despite Tyler's discomfort over the truth. Those years weren't a pretty situation and they both had to reserve back to instincts and desperate measures.

Next to Josh, Tyler shifts in his position on the rock as if he's debating his answer and eventually decides to leave it uncommented.

"And I'm glad you're back and alive", the sun is warm and Josh can see why Tyler wanted to come out here. It's quiet, just some splashing from the small waterfall behind them. It's nice, so Josh decides to lay down as well, making sure their shoulders are touching. The uneven texture of the stone pokes the back of his head, but he doesn't mind.

"Yeah", Tyler's voice sounds faint, like his thoughts are miles away, "I'm alive"

"Are you all right?", Josh turns his head to face his boyfriend, but the sun is blinding him, turning the outline of Tyler into a shadow.

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?"

"I dunno, you seem a little-", there's no word Josh can think of that couldn't accidentally be misinterpreted.

Tyler however does want the sentence to be finished, so he sits up, his face hovering over Josh's, his brow pulled into a frown, "I seem what?"

"Distracted, I guess. A little distant too", Josh tries to read Tyler's eyes; to no avail.

"Oh", is the only answer he receives before Tyler flops over the rest of his body straight onto Josh, "my thoughts are right here"

Josh tries to reposition himself, surprised by Tyler's actions. Their middles are touching, and Tyler's boxers aren't necessarily thick, Josh can feel everything.

"What the hell, Ty", Josh manages to exclaim with an unsure smile, still trying to make sense of the situation. Is this what Tyler was planning?

Tyler on the other hand is now smiling from ear to ear, his hands on each side of Josh's head, "what? It's just us"

There is never a good time to have a heavy conversation, the time might never be 'right', but right now Josh oddly enough gets the impression as if it is. He gently guides Tyler off of him, one hand placed onto his boyfriend's cheek, holding him carefully and still close enough for their noses to almost touch. They're both laying on their sides, facing each other.

"Tyler, I'm glad to have you back. You can't imagine how much I've missed you", Josh starts calmly, "but there is no denying that things are different and now that the general euphoria of your return is starting to wear off, I am under the impression there's still a lot to unpack between us"

Tyler swallows heavily, "I can't have this conversation. Not yet"

He almost sounds desperate, indirectly begging Josh not to ruin his picture of a perfect fantasy.

Josh continues regardless, they need to talk about this and despite being convinced himself only minutes ago that they should probably discard this until everything's done for, he continues, "I wish I could, just- just tell me what's going on in your head. How do you actually feel, about us? Not about your mission or the Banditos. You've made that one more or less clear"

"As you said, it's great to be reunited", Tyler's voice is sharp and it hurts Josh's chest as Tyler sits back up as if he can't stand looking at Josh.

"There's more"

"Of course there's more, how could it not be? But I can't think about that right now. Because...", Tyler's voice is breaking and Josh can tell he's holding back tears, "because I'm afraid if I let the emotions, these emotions between us, loose then I can't save myself no more. There's just too much going on in my head. I couldn't stand losing what we have right before we finish what we've promised ourselves to do so many years ago"

Josh thinks for a moment. He can tell by Tyler's body language, that he doesn't want to be comforted right now, even though Josh would love to hug him. Hug him tight until the both of them fall over and laugh for all eternity.

Instead he only slightly moves closer, his voice quieter and more comforting than before, "I would understand if you're mad at me. I made you believe I was with you, when I truly wasn't. I tried to make the best out of a miserable situation"

"Well, it wasn't enough", Tyler yelps, now crying.

"I'm so sorry"

"I don't want you to be sorry, because you don't even know what for. You don't know what it was like in there"

Josh can't hold himself back anymore: he wraps his arms around Tyler from behind, "you're right. I don't. But you're not telling me either, I don't know wha-"

Tyler interrupts him, his hands nails digging into Josh's arm, "stop talking, please. It was horrible, and in hindsight I'm relieved you didn't go through that but please just stop talking. I can't have this conversation right now"

It's a cry for help and Josh wonders how much worse this is going to get once the Bishops are gone. If Tyler can't even think about it right now, how will he be feeling once there's no distraction? No more adrenaline to lean on? No more reason to push those years aside?

How much can Tyler take before it completely breaks him?

"I love you, please never forget that. You're not alone anymore, I'm right here, for real this time", Josh whispers into Tyler's shoulder as he keeps on holding him tightly, Tyler's body shivering in his grasp.

×××

Tyler stares at his Uke. He's sitting on his cot, knees pulled to his chest as the instrument taunts him from the other side of the mattress.

The high of seizing from last night is still lingering inside of him, he knows he's confident enough to play but there's not one single note he can think of. No words to sing, no songs to play that would make the situation feel like it used to.

Josh isn't around right now and Tyler's conflicted on whether or not he wants him to be. Their short trip down to the waterfalls didn't go as planned and now Tyler was left with a headache instead of the planned orgasm. He silently tried to analyse whether or not Josh had noticed his change in demeanour that he even felt himself during their conversation earlier, but if Josh did notice, he didn't mention it, not even once they were back at camp.

Meanwhile, the warm noon had shifted into an even warmer evening. The seasons are definitely changing. They are supposed to have a big dinner at camp tonight. They have finally settled on a day for their offensive onto the city: three more days and this would all be over.

Josh in his usual Torchbearer role had declared a joint meal, one last one before they would start to spread over Trench, get their final supplies and take their position before the final battle.

There's already a lot of commotion outside their tent and Tyler knows Clancy can't be hiding in here for much longer, so he sighs to himself and puts on his shoes again. He leaves the instrument and his antlers behind, the latter calling for him again, despite having just used them not even 24 hours ago, before stepping out into the fresh air.

The main fire pit is lit brightly. Tyler can spot Mark and Josh next to it, handing out plates with equally sized portions of canned foods and fresh meat. He joins them, quietly nodding at some of the Banditos as he passes them.

"Feeling better?", Josh mumbles as he continues to smile at the people receiving the plates from him.

"Yeah", Tyler smiles back.

"The log over there is for us", Mark points at a log, big enough to be accommodating all three of them. Tyler thanks him and sits down on the outer edge.

Once everyone's been taken care of, Josh and Mark join him, Josh of course takes place directly next to Tyler. The Banditos are lost in their own conversations and stories. There's a lot of laughter, a bit of banter, but in general the mood is great. The absolute opposite of what one would expect, if you're considering what will take place in less than 72 hours.

Tyler refused his plate, he's not hungry and to his fortune, Josh doesn't question it. Instead, Tyler leans back as the Banditos closest to them start up a conversation with their Torchbearer and no matter how often they've heard the answers, they're all still glued to what he has to say to them.

For a moment Tyler is 7 years younger again, enjoying his new found family out here in Trench, while the mental scars of his upbringing are slowly fading.

In the next moment he is under the impression that the dark shadows behind the Banditos are growing. However, that would be impossible, so Tyler just frowns over the trick of is imagination and focuses back on Josh to his left. The fires are bright, dancing in the light breeze.

Focusing on Josh doesn't work for long, because the shadows are, in fact, growing in Tyler's vision. He narrows his eyes, as his eyes try to decipher what he's seeing behind the chattering groups. His throat goes dry, forbidding him to say anything. Within seconds he's dizzy.

Tyler tries to push himself up from the log. All he needs is some distance from all these people and he'll be just fine, right? He wants to tell Josh that something is wrong to guide him away, but he can't. Nobody seems to notice anything isn't right as Tyler panicked silently. Don't they see him struggling?

Tyler's vision grows darker and darker, black spots growing in his periphery until he leans backwards, expecting to fall off the log to gain someone's attention, but instead he finds himself on his feet.

He's standing with shaky legs, but he's upright. The fire pit is gone and Tyler seem to be standing in an endless void. No trees, no tents, no Trench. Just black nothingness. All around him.

Once he's calmed himself enough, his forehead sweaty from the distress, he realises that even though he doesn't seem to be in camp anyone, he's not alone. There's someone standing in front of him. Tyler at first only sees the second pair of shoes as his gaze is directed downwards, but his eyes slowly wander up over second the body.

Then the realisation hits him: he stands in front of himself.

His other self's hair is disheveled, the tips of his brown hair are bleached and his eyes are glooming in a dangerous hint of orange. He's wearing black trousers and a long sleeve shirt, his hands and neck tainted in black paint. Or at least Tyler hopes it to be paint.

"Who are you?", Tyler asks still hoping to wake up from a dream any second now. Where did everyone go?

His twin tilts his head, a shadow cast on his face even though there is no light source for that to be possible, "I'm you"

That can't be real.

Tyler shakes his head, this is not happening, this is just a fragment of his imagination playing a trick on him. He's having a panic attack or something else. There's no other explanation for this. There can't be. Josh will shake him awake any second now.

"What's wrong? Is that so hard to believe?", his twin's voice is calm and collected as he stands completely still, while Tyler himself tries to walk backwards with no success. No matter how far he tries to walk away, the distance between him and the other Tyler doesn't grow.

"This is not real", he cries out, one of his hands rubbing over his face and shaved head.

The void around them is pitch black with seemingly no ceiling or ground. There's no noise, no one but two of himself. Tyler doesn't know where he is and that scares him. He tries to grasp something behind him, to hopefully hold onto something that can ground him back in the real world and for a second he thinks he'll find the cold concrete of the tower of silence but there's simply nothing. He doesn't know whether or not that is a relief.

"Look at you, how did you get so far? Does a little bit of darkness scare you this much?", his twin steps closer, just one step but it's enough for Tyler to start shaking.

He tries to answer but the words get stuck in his throat. All of the confidence he still has in the real world is gone.

"Poor Tyler, can't even talk to himself", being mocked by his own voice must be a new low, "pathetic!"

Tyler can feel an imaginary punch into his gut, but it at least helps him find his voice again, "w-who are you? What do y-you want?"

"I already told you, I am you. But then again, yeah, I am Tyler, but I am so much more than that", his twin makes a condescending hand gesture, "I don't fear, I don't feel pain and I don't care about what weighs me down"

"What does that mean?"

"Don't you get it?"

Tyler winces, because he doesn't. He doesn't know what's going on or where he is. The last time he felt this lost, was when he was in captivity. And he doesn't want to think back to that. He can't go through that again. He wouldn't be strong enough to survive it a second time.

"I'm what you could be if you reached your full potential", his twin smirks, reaching out for Tyler.

Panic ensues inside Tyler. He tries to back away from the painted hand, something tells him it's dangerous, "don't touch me!"

"Think about what you could be, what you could do, if you wouldn't constantly worry about others. You've tried it the other day, remember?"

Tyler thinks back to the night he left Josh alone in the tent to sneak out of camp, to explore the meaning behind his nightmare and to the night he secretly seized a body because he couldn't sleep.

To this day, Josh didn't know about any of it. Tyler still feels bad about it, the guilt is eating him alive. He swore to himself to not do any of it again.

The remorse sits heavy in his chest as he answers, "I did, and I hated who that made me. That's not what I stand for. I promised Josh to be open about everything"

"Josh", his twin scoffs, "why are we even still talking to him? He betrayed us! Making us think he was there with us only for him to have been out here the whole time. He had food and a bed while we cried ourselves to sleep on the bare flooring of that tower! We pulled out our hair over hunger and scratched our skin open because the sleep deprivation was too much to bear! And where was he?! Huh? Out there!"

Tyler frowns, tears forming in his eyes as he hugs himself, "us?"

And then it hits him. That's not his twin, that's the part of himself he started to call Clancy. He can't help it but gasp.

"Ah, you're catching up", Clancy bows in fake admiration, "good"

"How dare you say that about Josh", Tyler suddenly finds the confidence in his voice again, his hands clenching to his own shirt.

"I'm you, I'm only saying what you're truly thinking. You know I'm right, I'm that little voice that's lingering in the background of your mind. As soon as you knew that Josh was never truly with you in that tower, you hated him for the life he had out here. All you wanted was freedom and he has had it all along"

"That's not true, I was relieved that he didn't have to go through that", he can't help it but fully break out in tears. Josh is and has been safe, that's all that should matter now. Right?

"Two things can be true at once, Tyler", Clancy's lips form a smile as he clasps his hands behind his back, "you've been struggling to accept what happened and you have no one to share it with. It's you alone who can defeat the Bishops, it's a burden, your burden. Not his. So why make this a double trouble thing?"

"It may be my burden but I got people helping me. I don't have to do this alone"

"You don't need them. The only reason you want them around is to compensate for your fears, your insecurities"

Tyler shakes his head, "stop talking"

"You're scared you're becoming one of them. But what would actually be so bad about that? You've read the letters, some of the Banditos have good memories of their Bishops"

"Blurryface isn't a good person"

"That's right, but you're finally stronger than that. You can defeat him, you can get revenge and be more powerful and better than him. Than any of them! They've brought so much disgrace and suppression onto Dema, and you can change that! Doesn't that feel good?", Clancy throws his arms into the air, grinning from ear to ear.

Tyler, however, pulls a disgusted face, "yes, I can change it, but it doesn't feel good. We'll have to kill people to get there! And what if in the end I'm not strong enough?"

"You are strong enough, that's the thing. You've just been too busy with everyone else to see it. You've survived so far, there's nothing anyone can't throw at you that you can't deal with. No one can contain you with these", Clancy grabs behind his back and pulls out a pair of antlers, presenting them to Tyler, "Keons betrayed Nico, knowing that you could do it. And only you, no more Josh or Torchbearer. Just you"

"No, we've got a plan", Tyler takes the antlers with the intention to throw them away, but he can't. The way they're fitting into his palm, the material soft yet durable, makes him change his mind. He remembers how high he still felt in the real world, and his body automatically craves it.

Who is Tyler kidding?

He likes using the antlers, always has.

They make him whole.

"Do you see?", Clancy steps closer to him and this time, Tyler isn't scared of proximity, "do you feel what I mean?"

"I can't betray them"

Clancy lifts his black hands towards Tyler's neck, "they betrayed you first"

With the antlers in each of his hands, Tyler watches Clancy wrap his hands around his throat. His fingers are cold and Tyler starts to shake almost immediately. A wave of anxiety hitting him: Clancy is smearing him.

"Use what you feel", his twin commands him, his gaze just as cold has his hands.

Tyler's grip around the antlers grows stronger, he closes his eyes, while trying to channel the growing fright inside of him into the antlers.

"Use it", the two of them say simultaneously.

The black void around them begins to spin, or at least that's what it feels like to Tyler. His mind goes from the certainty that this smearing is going to be the death of him, to electrified confidence that he can do anything within seconds.

His thoughts jump back and forth between pictures of him in his old room in Dema, the cold nights with no sleep and a wish for all of it to end, to him and Josh running through the waterfalls in Trench over to Tyler alone in the Tower of Silence. The latter memory used to be one of those nights where Tyler would lay on the concrete, papers with endless unused lyrics being his pillow and Josh sitting by his feet, humming him a lullaby. But Josh hadn't been there, a projection of him maybe, but the comfort it used to bring him is gone. Now the memory is lonely and lost forever.

The fake memories of Keons seizing trash sting in his chest, but Tyler needs to see them too, he needs those pictures to channel his power. Tyler tries to see what Keons might've seen, he tries to imagine what his thoughts were in his last moments before the rest of the Bishops were able to stop him.

That moment when the cold water of the ocean grabbed him, was when Tyler should've understood why him. Unfortunately it took one stay on Voldsøy and a couple of wasted weeks back in camp to see it.

He is the exception, he is the next Keons, but not in the way he originally thought. He isn't supposed to join the Bishops or take their place, he is supposed to defeat them because he can be better than them. More powerful than any of them could've ever been. Perhaps Keons would've done it, if Blurryface hadn't caught him in time. Or maybe Keons hasn't been strong enough yet. Maybe it needed another generation.

Tyler is the next generation.

Tyler is strong enough.

Tyler is Clancy.

And he's going to end them all.

Chapter 10

Notes:

i probably re-wrote this chapter 6 times, if not more. i still don't love the final product, but i believe for the moment i can move on and always come back here and fix what i don't like. i hope you are still able to understand the events this chapter :)

anyway, thank you for all the kudos i received lately!

They are all children of Trench. From the bugs crawling on the ground, to the hawks flying in the air. Every child, human or animal, everything that once was or will be, belongs to it.

Trench is land, it's nature and it's life. An ominous power runs through its veins and sometimes, when the time is right, the sun will shine a little bit extra bright, the winds will be extra melodic and the ocean will be extra calm. In those times miracles happen.

Tyler, Josh, Keons, Nico and many, many other living beings were once born during those moments. A first breath that carries the will of land. A piece of the continent engraved in you forever.

There was a time when the humans knew what that meant. When being born with the gift of Trench used to be a blessing. Being chosen by the land that has taken care of generations over generations of children, used to be cherished. A peaceful time. A time full of colour and life.

But then things changed. Cities and tribes were lost. Nature at war with itself. Homes destroyed, people killed. Their teachings gone within the blink of an eye. The involuntary erasure of history caused the faith of those tribes to be drowned in the past. Everything washed away or burned to the ground. Lost forever.

The remains were picked up by evil hands and twisted by vicious thoughts. A sacred culture used- no, abused to what it's known by today. The words of those who once were gone.

Though, every once in a while you could still hear their call. Trench, of course, remembers and it will continue to, sometimes echoing the words of the ones long gone.

There was a time when Tyler heard that echo. He didn't know it then, but it was meant for him all along. Trench needed him to hear it, let it in, because in its almightiness Trench knew that Tyler would be the one to break the cycle. The one to teach the true meanings of Trench. A true child of the land with a pure heart.

But Trench didn't expect the Bishops to have drenched the sacred power to the degree that they had. They had infected Tyler in a way the continent never intended to, couldn't save him from. Not even the creatures it had sent were able to cleanse him. They were able to give him the right tools, but in the end it was now Tyler himself who needed to fight. To break out and free first himself and then the rest of Trench's children.

Trench, however, didn't realise how hard it would be for Tyler. All it could do was watch, and it didn't like what it witnessed these days. Just like tonight.

Tyler was relentlessly fighting his own mind through the night. A restless night. Josh watched him, soaked in cold sweat. Tyler was unconscious until dawn. No sleep, no rest for either of them.

When he woke up he was disoriented, couldn't speak or move from the exhaustion. So Josh had ordered him to stay on his cot for the rest of the day. Josh had spoonfed him a little bit of Nora's special soup and by the time nightfall came around, Tyler was able to sit up again and speak (at least if he wanted to).

The far more important circumstance, however, was the fact that Tyler's hands had a black tint. A shadow-like paint that couldn't be rubbed off. At first Josh could've sworn to have seen it around Tyler's neck as well, but that had since disappeared.

"Can you eat?", Josh asks late at night. Tyler has just woken up from another dreamless nap.

Tyler shakes his head.

Perhaps he could eat, but he doesn't want to.

"At least a little bit, to get your system flowing again. You're still pale", Josh is sat next to the cot on the floor, occasionally stroking Tyler's wrist, just below the 'paint', "and still ice cold"

His body is heavy, his mouth dry as he aches to reply, "no"

Maybe it's because it's the first thing Tyler said all day, but Josh smiles weakly, "I can see if I can find some candy?"

Candy is rare out here and Tyler hasn't had some in years. The taste of it is calling him as he shuffles underneath his blanket. Chocolate that melts on your tongue? Gummy Bears that stick to your teeth? Both sound heavenly right now.

"I take that as a yes", Josh gets up from the ground and disappears into the dark night beyond their tent.

Being left on his own felt unknowingly dangerous. His mind feels empty, his body numb. Sitting up is a challenge but Tyler manages somehow. His left hand slowly strokes over his shaved head, and for a moment Tyler is worried to find his brown hair with bleached tips. Luckily that doesn't happen.

Worry.

Did Tyler actually feel worried?

He suddenly doesn't know what worry would feel like. It's like being 18 again, sitting by his window and cursing out the moon. The same question over and over again: Why can't he feel something?

He shakes the thought. What had happened to him? Where was his mind going?

Perhaps he'd finally lost it.
His trauma has finally caught up.

Oh dear.

Tyler grabs his head with both hands.

Clancy, the other him, told Tyler to let go. To stop caring about what weighs him down, about Josh... his fears. The fear of losing him, perhaps. What about the Banditos? Are they weighing him down too? His friends? Probably.

But aren't they his people?
The reason he's here in the first place?

Well, Tyler did find the way out of Dema by himself. He was captured by Nico. And just him. He was the one held in the tower of silence and the one to make it out. Alone, in a way at least. What about Voldsøy? The creatures that welcomed him in their home? No, they gave him a gift, but they didn't help him get back home.

Home.

What even is home to Tyler these days?

It used to be this camp. It used to be Josh. Their hopes and dreams for the future. Their plan to run away, sail across the ocean and live life as they pleased. Tyler's home was an idea. A wish. Something that barely existed anymore.

In a way, Tyler is and always has been alone.

Underneath his cot, under the lining of their tent, Trench is screaming at him. To listen to his heart, to his soul. To feel what home is. But that call doesn't reach Tyler. It can't, he's been pushed under his tide, underneath the surface of his ocean. Washed away what once was.

What is left of him anyway? He's got no drop of creativity left in him, while his love for Josh is strained from a circumstantial betrayal.

He was never there!

Tyler's nothing more but bitter these days. The only thing that fuels him, that makes him be someone again, is his anger and his powers. A thirst for revenge, so that he can be free. The antlers and the knowledge that he's still got a purpose is the reason he's able to get out of bed these days at all.

The black void in him grows, the pit in his soul grows, his hands turning darker until the black on them is just as dark as his paint for performances used to be. The same black Clancy had on him.

He has drowned in himself.

When Josh returns with a cloth bundle of singular pieces of chocolate, Clancy almost doesn't recognise him.

Josh kneels down next to him, wanting to hand him the candy, when he realises, "what happened!?"

Clancy blinks at him with his head titled, "how much longer until we attack?"

"Tyler, babe, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong?"

"Ty, look at your hands!", Josh gasps and tries to remove the black from his boyfriend's hand. He's desperate, his movements uncoordinated.

Clancy pulls his hand free from Josh's grasp reaches out for Josh's shoulders instead who instinctively jerks backwards.

Clancy frowns, "are you scared?"

"Aren't you?"

"Oh", Clancy turns his palms towards himself, studying them, "no, I'm not. Why would I be?"

Josh knows his answer, but won't say it out loud. Tyler's biggest fear is- was to turn into a Bishop and now he's halfway there and doesn't even react. Panic grows inside Josh. What is going on? What's happening to his Ty?

"Anyway" Clancy decides and grabs the bundle of chocolate from off the ground.

"Clancy?", Josh asks eventually, swallowing the knot in his throat. His mind going a thousand miles per hour.

This isn't good.

"Hm?"

"We're set to attack in two days. Will you be ready?"

"Of course"

Josh presses his lips together. He watches Clancy unwrap the individual pieces of chocolate, eating them one by one. How did this happen? Did something happen in his sleep? Was it the Bishops?

And why does Josh feel Trench talking to him again? Silent words, telling him to show Tyler the way. But which one? To where?

"And you're, uh, you're sticking to the plan, right?", Josh asks nervously.

Clancy lifts his gaze off the wrappers on the ground, he hesitates for a moment, "sure"

×××

"What do you mean he's Clancy again?", Mark's voice lowered in tone, his lips curled down. He's worried.

"We were back to being Tyler and Josh. Like we used to be and now he's suddenly switched back to whatever this is", Josh is lost. For once he doesn't know what to do and he can't help but show it.

They're set at the edge of camp. The night has grown old already and the wooden log underneath them is starting to become damp from the forming morning fog. Josh has his face buried in his hands, his dried tears tasting salty on his lips.

"With black hands?"

"I'm telling you, I don't know what it is, but it won't come off. And he doesn't even care!"

There's no one around them, yet Mark continuously checks for any curious ears behind them. The worst case scenario would be to cause uncertainty amongst the Banditos. Especially now.

"Do you think he seized?", Mark puts a hand on his friend's biceps, trying to create at least the tiniest bit of comfort. He knows how close the two once were and how hard the time apart had been on Josh.

Josh shakes his head, his nose rubbing along his fingers, "I don't know, but even if he did, this has never happened before. He's told me how much he hates how it makes him feel"

"How does it make him feel?", Mark asks curious. Despite Tyler's return, he's not been open about anything towards Mark. They were once very close friends and Mark thought that would've meant something, but Tyler's been pretty distant regardless.

"I, uh, I don't know, it's strange... One minute he's fine, the next he's cocky and confident, quick with words and then he's anxious and panicked. He's afraid he's turning into a Bishop because of it. His body craves the power, turns him into someone he's not"

"Shit, I didn't know"

Josh swallows hard, turning to face his friend, "he was so scared when he came back. I don't know what happened"

The two men look at each other. A shared moment during which both of them asses the situation, because: what has happened?

One night, six years ago, Tyler leaves camp (or at least that's what they've been told) and never comes back. Word has it that Blurryface has taken him back, again and this time, Tyler won't be coming back. He'll be used by the Bishops for the propaganda while the Banditos have to sit back with their hands tied behind their back. It had been a sickening time.

Maybe it was because of that, that the joy over the news of Tyler's escape were celebrated so highly. They expected him back within days, but instead it would take weeks and once Tyler does come back, he's changed.

Mark had prepared for the worst: flashbacks, depression, even self harm. But Tyler had been... fine. Perhaps a bit tired. Nothing hinted at what was to come: mood swings, hybris and a strange ability that feels too uncontrolled for what Tyler was talking about.

"He felt so off, but I guess I was too happy over it in comparison to what the alternative could've been", Mark admits.

"I wish I could remember what happened"

"You mean when you-", Mark waves around with his hand, "you know"

Josh nods, "yeah that"

"Hm, but does it matter? Whatever happened, it must've happened within the past 24 hours"

Of course Mark is right. Whatever it was, it happened recently, however, Josh is sure it's connected to a greater picture.

"'Clancy', the paint", Josh counts on his fingers, "his panic attacks are lessening... What if these powers are getting the best of him? Cancelling out what makes Tyler Tyler"

Mark's eyes wander over the moss by their feet, left to right, right to left, "what you're saying would imply that these abilities have a life of their own"

Beneath the Trench sits silently. Listening to the two friends.

If they only knew.

"I believe these powers are strong within Tyler. He's been labeled the acception since we know him. If he can't control them, while they're still growing and growing they might take over him"

Mark frowns, "in combination with his trauma and the need of revenge...?"

"Fuck", Josh exclaims, "what are we gonna do?"

"Be there for him. Ground him and keep him from going on a rampage"

"You think he would do that?"

"Knowing the Bishops-"

Josh cuts him off sharp, "he's not a Bishop"

The first rays of the sunrise touch Josh's face with their soft fingers like a mother cupping her child's face. Grey clouds begin to form over the distant ocean. Soon enough the sun will be all covered and lost for the day. Josh wants to freeze this peaceful moment, not worrying about what's ahead... or who's sleeping in his tent.

"I know, but anger can turn us to resort to desperate measures. We don't know what's going on inside of him", Mark mumbles.

Behind them the first Banditos begin to wake up, some stretching, some others already collecting firewood to boost the campfires. One of them, a younger teenager, however, heads directly for Josh, before he has a chance to answer Mark.

"Torch?", the boy says shyly.

Josh smiles, as good as he can, as he gets up from their log, "everything all right?"

"I think so. Jenna wanted me to give this to you", the boy (Josh believes his name to be Patrick), pulls out an envelope from his back pocket, "it's for Clancy"

"Thank you, I'll make sure to give it to him"

"Okay, I'll be-", Patrick points behind him towards their breakfast pots. Josh nods knowingly and watches him walk away again.

"They still write him letters?", Mark asks surprised.

"Occasionally", Josh replies. He wonders what is says. Do the people still encourage him? Are the words still positive? Affirmative?

Tyler, his Tyler, could really need it.

×××

"Dear Clancy,

Sylvia and I have found the last map pieces. We also believe to have made a breakthrough. We've started to circle the wall from the above ground, at noon when most services are taking place. We've found something. We need to talk to you. Nia said she has some friends who can get this letter to you asap.
We've got a body near the meeting room. It won't last long until someone notices, but it should be fine for a day. Visit us when you can.

Urgently,

Ryan"

Clancy reads the words over and over again. He needs to get to his people. Now.

Unfortunately Josh has become hyper vigilant and Clancy is sure that there's someone out by the flap of their tent, making sure he doesn't leave without anyone noticing.

About 48 hours is all that's left. Within that time frame Clancy has to make sure to get everyone on board. Sending letters back and forth is too inconvenient. Time consuming. Dangerous too, information could spill. Especially with Nills patrolling the walls.

No, Clancy needs to seize. But he also needs his friends trust. He needs to let them know. Clancy swallows the bitterness off his tongue and grabs his boots. He spent the day on his cot, which allowed his sore body to recover to a certain degree. His knees are still wobbly as he stands up, but that'll be over once he uses the antlers. He's sure of it.

With unsteady legs and his necessities, Clancy steps out of their tent. Almost immediately Mark comes to his aid.

"What happened to your bed rest?", he asks Clancy, putting one arm around his shoulder to support him.

"Where's Torch? And Debby?", Clancy questions back, clinging to Mark for support "oh and Jenna I guess"

"I don't know, they're around here somewhere, let's take it easy though"

They stumble forward, aimlessly. Mark tries to hold Clancy back, who's desperately trying to walk much further than he's able to. Eventually Josh spots them and jogs towards them.

"What is going on?"

"Someone's left their bed a little too early", Mark continues to hold Clancy up right as they huddle in a quieter corner of camp.

Clancy looks back and forth between the two for a moment. He doesn't have time for this.

They are standing in between two tents. The main fireplace somewhere hidden behind them, just out of sight. The sky is clouded and it's fairly humid. Perhaps a forming thunderstorm?

"I'm fine. But I need to talk to someone", Clancy proclaims, trying to take another step forward. His destination? Theoretically the cliffs, practically? The dirt in front of him. His muscles are twitching, giving in.

Since when is he so weak? It's ridiculous.

"Who? We can bring them to you", Josh smiles a little too friendly. He gestures to a wooden box nearby, but Clancy doesn't want to sit right now, despite his aching legs. They need to get going.

"He's not here. He's inside"

"Inside where?", Mark frowns.

Clancy's right hand lifts up, gesturing towards the horizon. Isn't it obvious?

The realisation dawns on Josh's face, "no. You're not- that's not happening! Look at you, you need to lay down"

"Red needs me", Clancy answers simply as he puts more weight onto Mark. Something inside him wants to apologise for the inconvenience but he can't bring the words to leave his chest. They're sitting in his stomach, an anchor keeping them down.

"We have ways to talk to them, to communicate. You don't have to seize to exchange information", Mark argues.

Clancy scoffs, "you mean letters? Or perhaps smoke signs? We're running out of time. They asked for me!"

Mark sighs, a hand placed onto Clancy's chest, who's almost fallen over from pressing out all of those words at once, "I get it, but you need your rest. Was that letter from them this morning?"

"It was, I-"

Josh interrupts Clancy before he can't explain any further, "still, we can set up a meeting. One note travels fast. Someone will meet us outside, we've done this before"

"Not really an option with the harder patrols though", Mark rebuttals reluctantly, gaining him a sharp look from Josh. Clancy wonders when everybody's got so tensed. While Mark keeps avoiding eye contact with Clancy, his jaw clenched together whenever he isn't speaking, Josh keeps rubbing his palms against his trousers. A nervous habit he's never been able to shake.

"Listen, they asked for me and I'm not letting them down. If it was yellow, you would move heaven and hell to reach them", Clancy focuses in on Josh's gaze. No, on Torchbearer's. This isn't their teenage self's butting heads, it's two leaders disagreeing during war times.

"I would. But you're in no shape or form to use your powers. We need you back on your feet in two days"

Mark nods in agreement, "Torch is right. You need to be in bed. And eat. When's the last time you've eaten something?"

"I'm glad we're all in on the plan then", Clancy rolls his eyes and manages to pull his lips upright, forming a crooked smile, "the cliffs. That's where we're going. I don't wanna do it in camp"

Clancy continues to ignore the two Banditos protests. He can't get far without them, but they also can't carry him back to his tent. They wouldn't be able to contain him without the rest of the camp seeing it. And to be fair, Clancy knows that they wouldn't tie him down either. So, he makes his way towards the edge of camp, Mark and Josh catch him whenever he stumbles and eventually their comments die down.

While Josh supports Clancy for the rest of the way, Mark leaves them and retrieves Debby and Jenna. He updates them on their way to meet the other two and once all five are gathered together, Clancy picks up his antlers from his belt. His black hands grip the materials tight.

The discomfort of the four friends is visible on their faces, although none of them mention it out loud: Clancy's stained hands leave them with a sour taste. An unpleasant reminder of the other eight people to share that physical traits with their friend.

They are sitting in their usual circle, Clancy is the only one standing up, the ocean behind his back. He takes a deep breath.

"Do you... know what you're doing?", Jenna asks, but then notices how her words must've sounded and adds, "I mean, do you have a body?"

Clancy lifts the antlers above his head, "I do. If they give me any useful information I'll make my body say it out loud too, everybody ready?"

"We're ready", Debby affirms, doing her best to give him an affirmative smile, "good luck"

The humid air sits heavy in his exhausted lungs. He breathes it in, almost falls over again, succumbing to gravity, but once he channels the last bit of warmth from his chest into his arms, his hands and into his fingertips it all falls off him.

He's got no weight, no pain, no tiredness. He's got no body confiding him as he falls backwards (only his mind, not his body) and levitates into the grey sky.

It's quicker than last time. Clancy finds the way to Dema and straight into Listo's district. Like a breeze he passes by buildings, strokes dried plants and dances through the street until he finds the staircase Ryan showed him the other night.

An instinct tells him to look left, like a noose that's suddenly tied around him. It pulls him down, towards a dumpster. The smell is ridiculous, but the body is fresh, just like Ryan had explained.

Clancy's underneath a white cloth, wrapped in neatly, a single flower on his chest. Once his vision is clear, he sits up and takes the flower. It had a faded purple tint to it. He's never seen one of those. Perhaps a unique kind to Listo's district?

"Ugh", both of Clancy's bodies moan as he pulls himself up. Back by the shore Josh frowns concerned.

"It's probably nothing", Mark mumbles quietly. It's nothing more than an echo in Clancy's ears. He ignores it.

The area is quiet and as Clancy emerges from behind the dumpster, he's met with an empty yard. The other night he hadn't had the chance to look around more, so seeing the sort of backyard, a squared area with a tall building to each side, it feels like being here for the first time again.

This time, Clancy's seizing a woman. She wasn't tall. There's long brown hair flowing over his shoulders and his hands are way smaller than what he's used to. It's lighter than his own body and after a few steps he manages to walk almost normally.

Despite the empty surroundings, Clancy has no time to lose. He manages his way over to the staircase, holds the railing as he stumbles down the stone and then knocks.

First four times, then twice again.

Curious, he thinks. How did he remember that so quickly? Or wasn't this his own memory? Maybe this body once knew of this place herself.

Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. It takes about ten seconds, before Clancy is face to face with Ryan. He partially hides behind the gap of the door, but once the realisation has set in, he lets Clancy inside.

"That was quick", Ryan says, unsure of how to greet him. He's got one hand held out but pulls away before Clancy has the chance to accept it.

"Times tight these days, my friend", Clancy answers in a high pitched voice. An unfamiliar sound. Clancy likes it, he feeds off the energy this body is generating for him.

He's missed it.

"Of course", Ryan redirects him to the other side of the room. The rows of chairs are gone, pushed to the walls and the middle of the room is now covered in maps on the floor. A singular table in its middle with a big sheet of paper: the towers.

The maps are colourful. Information scribbled on each corner and several gravel stones are placed in several places. A little reminder of the tactical meetings back in Trench.

"Where are the others?"

Ryan points to the map, "out there. Talking to people, doing their every day job. It's the middle of the day, y'know... I've been given courtesy for my brother. Four days of special church access to celebrate his offering and no school. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to be here"

Right. His brother... Jackson? Jason?

"I remember, I'm sorry for your loss... Again", Clancy says and he can feel his own body accidentally saying it too.

Sometimes this whole seizing thing; being in someone else's body but also still remembering your own; is a bit hard to manage. A consciousness split into two. Clancy wonders if the Bishops had the same issue.

"Thank you, it means a lot"

"Of course", Clancy looks around the room, "so, what have you found?"

Ryan blinks as if he is ripped out of a trance, "right, sorry"

The young boy walks around the paper on the floor, he circles a few districts with his eyes and eventually kneels down by a map with a red circle, "maintenance shafts. They're all around the city, mainly for electricity, some for the water pipes. We've found some shafts that are still powered but out of use. Old control panels that were once replaced with new ones which were installed in other houses. We've got someone that can access this one for you. It's connected to the tunnels"

"So, that's basically an unguarded entrance to the tunnels?", both of Clancy's bodies repeat, "in Keons district?"

Back in Trench, Debby raises an eyebrow in surprise before writing down the information. Josh watches her draw a little circular map of Dema, one area, Keons old district, receives an 'X'.

"That's right", Ryan answers in Dema, shifting Clancy's focus.

"That's perfect, anything else? Do you know if that tunnel connects to the towers?"

"I don't think anything directly connects to the towers, but I know that there's a sewer connection to it that has an exit right by Blurryface's"

Ryan's finger traces a path over the maps, his hand hovering over the paper until he stops at the connecting point of the tunnel and the sewer. He taps it and moves further along until he stands up again and points to Nico's tower on the lonely map up on the table.

Clancy doesn't repeat that information, he only takes a mental note for himself.

You're alone in this, he hums silently to himself, you alone can free the city, no one else.

"Got it. What about these dots by the wall?"

"Those are cracks"

"Sorry?", Clancy tilts the woman's head. There are orange and green dots drawn all over the outside of Dema's walls. Some accumulate in several secluded areas, others are individual ones far from any other.

"You heard me. We don't know how they came to be but Dema's walls are coming apart"

"Dema's walls", both of Clancy's bodies speak, "how can they be failing?"

"We don't know. Could be the wall's age, could vandalism"

"An uprising inside the walls...", Clancy walks across the room, he studies the maps, signs and notes left on it. At first it appears to be pure chaos, no order, although there is structure and Clancy takes mental notes of what he's seeing. He doesn't let the others know though.

Ryan watches him, nervously swaying back and forth on his heels.

"How's red doing?", Clancy asks eventually, as he steps back to take the full picture in from afar.

"People are starting to wake up, they're seeing how the Bishops are using their belief against them"

"But barely anyone wants to leave, am I right?"

Ryan nods, he hides his hands inside the pockets of his grey jacket as he speaks, "this is our city, why leave? Trench sounds great but this is home. We need to defend it"

Home. There it is again.

Could Dema be Clancy's home?

No more Bishops? Tearing down the walls of confinement this place could be just like outside.

I could leave them up too.

He tells himself. His city, his walls. Do whatever he wants...

"Of course. It's what we're here for in the end", Clancy replies, still lost in his own thoughts.

"That's Rebecca by the way"

"Who?"

Ryan nods towards Clancy, who looks down on himself, "oh, right"

He wants to ask who she was, how she died and where they're going to bury her. Would they give her a nice grave? Was she one of them? Would she be receiving a place of rest that she'd deserve after servicing Clancy as a vessel?

But does Clancy really care?

Tyler probably would. Though he doesn't fight for the questions to be asked.

Clancy pushes him further under the surface of their ocean.

"Anyway, I wanted to know if there's anything we should know?", Ryan let's his gaze wonder over the maps, "we've got everyone recruited that we could need to get you inside. As long as you can get into Keons district, we got the rest covered"

"Two days. That's when we'll attack. We need people off the streets. Once I'm inside the tower it'll all be over", Clancy answers with both bodies.

Josh exchanges a concerned look with Mark.

"Got it", Ryan's face is serious and he suddenly looks a lot older than he probably is.

Two more days, Clancy thinks, then this is all mine.

Chapter 11

Notes:

A short one, but therefore a quick update before things FINALLY go down.

TW: emetophobia, seizing and mention of involuntary self harm.

Please make sure to re-read the tags as I update every chapter. The final chapters will be a bit more heavy before things lighten up again.

It is an eerie sight. At least for the ones brave enough to take a peak into the right direction.

Red robes dipping the shadows in the only colour they'll ever see.

Seven robes to exact.

Quick yet calm steps echo through the grey passage ways between the towers. Citizens have been send away to go home or to pray in one of the many chapels of Dema.

The Bishops said it's a precaution, the traitors of their faith are coming to take them. They should hide, pray for strength of their almighty Bishops, while the situation is "being taken care of".

So, the citizens took that advice and did as told. Why shouldn't they?

Only few, the very brave once dared to peek outside. Watch the seven robes gather before entering Nico's tower.

And then came the silence.

Now Dema is sitting, awaiting something.

Children and adults alike putting their faith into the only thing they've ever known, the thing they've been told is the right thing. They're seeking protection and comfort in a force that's way beyond them. And if that protection doesn't come, they're seeking a quick and merciful death to serve their Bishop in that way instead.

High up in Nico's tower the robes gather. Nico stands by his window, watching some vultures pick worms out of the ground, some preying on the fresh graves.

"What are we hoping to see?", Bishop Andre asks as everyone is gathered in a circle, Nico in the middle of it.

Nico smiles, "the end"

×××

"Your clothes are on their way", Josh takes another bite of his slice of bread as he watches Clancy raise an eyebrow in response, "red is smuggling it through the walls for us. I've sent a patrol out to collect it. They should be back before we leave"

"Good", Clancy replies fiddling with his own bun between his black fingers.

The two leaders are sat across from each other inside their tent. One last meal before they're set to leave to take their offensive on Dema.

"You feeling okay?"

Clancy rips the baked dough in half, refusing to eat, just like the last couple days, "never been better. I'm ready"

Josh doesn't answer. He wouldn't know what to say. As much of a mystery Tyler usually was- Josh couldn't grasp the fact that there was someone out there that was not only as humourous, determined, loveable, outright and gorgeous as Tyler, a divine being that allowed Josh to love him- Clancy is an even greater one.

What made Clancy Clancy in this scenario? What of Tyler needed to be cast away for someone like this to emerge?

What does Josh need to do, to snap Tyler out of it?

The black ink on Clancy derides Josh every second of the day. As it knew the answer and just waited for Josh to make the wrong assumptions, so it could laugh at him.

Clancy is calm, collected and focused on what's ahead. Tyler could be that too.

Clancy jokes, smiles and even giggles when amused. That also applies to Tyler, at least it did in the past.

"Are you?", Clancy interrupts his train of thoughts.

"Hm?", Josh takes another dry and tasteless bite of his bread. It scratches the inside of his tight throat like gravel, he really doesn't want to eat. He can't eat. But he has to. At least a little bit to build up the last bits of strength inside of him.

"Feeling okay", Clancy imitates Josh's tone whenever he addresses the Banditos as Torchbearer.

"Yea, I am."

"Okayyy"

Clancy is also an asshole, Josh thinks.

Not only has this version of Tyler lost his anxiety and fears, but also his empathy. Sure Tyler used to be snappy, loved to tease, not like this though. Whenever they went through their plan over and over again these last hours, Josh and Mark made sure to underline that they are in this together, no one is left behind and the injured have priority. Clancy didn't wanna hear it.

Is he forgetting who he's doing this for?

Perhaps it's a loss of empathy, perhaps it's megalomania. Either way, Josh worries Tyler, because in the end that's who this is, is getting ahead of himself. In a way, Josh worries how much of a part the many, many letters play that Tyler has received. How much praise and respect is too much?

"Tell me again, how's today gonna go?", Josh wants to know before finishing his last bite of bread. His own thoughts spiraling again.

Clancy almost rolls his eyes, but seemingly catches himself and controls his facial expressions again, "we leave early afternoon, wave 1 and 2. Together. We'll march till the last hills, leave wave 2 there and wait for their sign that the walls are clear. Then we move in-"

Josh nods as he listens at every step.

"-and the Banditos fight any possible defense, while you, me and the rest of our team take the usual south entrance of the city so that we can move in through Listo's district and move north towards the towers. How's that?"

"Good", Josh mumbles. Even if Clancy is annoyed, he's at least listened, "we'll leave in three hours, give or take"

"I'll be ready", Clancy tosses his buns pieces aside and grabs his boots from beside his cot.

Josh preferably wouldn't let him out of his sight, but if Clancy wanted space, he'd get it. After all, he's the one doing the big job. So, he needs to let him take his moment. Whether he likes it or not.

"Oh, by the way", Clancy stops trying his right shoe to look up and meet Josh's tired eyes, "I got something for you"

"Me?", Josh can't hide his surprise.

Clancy nods and bends over to his little box, the ones he usually keeps his Jacket and letter in. The rummages for a while, before he pulls out a fresh envelope.

He hands it to Josh, who states at the paper for a second too long.

"Just take it"

"Right, sorry", Josh smiles helplessly as his shaky hand takes the envelope.

Before Josh can react further, Clancy, his antlers and for some reason his Uke have left their tent. The flaps still sway in the wind, when Josh regains control of his body.

Maybe Tyler isn't so lost after all?, he thinks as he opens the envelope, folds open the paper.

His face drains of all colour in an instant. He can't be reading these words. They can't be real:

"TB,

The crown is heavy, but I can carry it.

This city needs hope, and I alone can give it to them. But the city needs to feel powerful again, and snap out of the lifeless obedience they've been trapped in. I can give it to them.
I gave them hope.

I will be their example of absolute power.

I feel alive again.

Clancy"

×××

Clancy is alive.

So, so many sleepless nights, plotting revenge, hoping for one more day of sunshine... They're all behind him.

Now, Clancy has the sun, the ocean and the people. In a few hours the land and the city will join this list. And he will have everything he's dreamed of.

Freedom.

Power.

A life, that belongs to him, and him only.

No one can stop him. No one can control him anymore.

If only his teenage self could see him right now.

"If only", Clancy whispers as his fingertips pull on the string of his Uke. His legs are crossed on the cool stone, while he's facing the ocean, his eyes reflecting today's tide.

He'd be embarrassed. Frightened by what we've become, Tyler spats from underneath.

"We're past the point of no return, this is how it'll be"

The Uke begins to join the melody of crashing waves underneath, harsh and deadly.

No, Tyler argues, fights to play slower and more to the rhythm of a heart, his heart.

"Give up, you know we'll win", Clancy lets his neck crack, he rolls his shoulders and goes back to drowning Tyler's attempts of a lullaby.

With no more Bishops, the city will need ruling and it'll be up to him, and him only, what to do. Clancy could re-organise the city, change districts, merge them, split them. He could create services, rewrite scripts- worship about himself?

Give it a rest, Tyler rolls his eyes, we show them what's out here. We tear down the walls and let them be. Like we promised ourselves...

The promise itself was made a few years ago. During a rainy night. Not that Tyler knew that, to him the days were always wet and cold in the floor of the tower of silence. No windows, no contact to the outside.

Everything was the same.

Everything hurt.

Every day.

That particular night, Tyler couldn't sleep. Or had it been morning already? Either way he was tired, exhausted beyond his bodies capacities. He had about half an album left to write, but nothing he created satisfied his tormentors.

His mind was spinning, trying to create a consecutive melody. Any words that would or could rhyme if pronounced correctly. Something cheerful, preferably.

Cheerful was the last thing he felt, when his door swung open that morning. Tyler concluded with this usual visit that he'd been awake all night. Again.

Tyler was laying on the hard floor, he didn't move even when he recognised the red robe inside the doorframe.

"Time to get up", Blurryface's voice echoed in the empty room, "you're behind schedule"

No response from Tyler. What was the need in getting up anyway? He couldn't write, not like this.

"I said it's time to get up", Blurry's voice sounded again, this time closer. He must've moved further in.

Tyler lifted his head, barely to meet the gaze of the Bishop. It was cold and drenched in inpatience.

"Now", Blurry kneeled down and grabbed Tyler's upper arm so hard that it could cut of his blood circulation.

An "Agh" escape Tyler's lips when he was pulled into his feet. His joint were pulling him down, his head pulsating from lack of sleep, food and water. Tyler's bare feet scratched over the floor, he was barely holding himself up.

His stomach twisted and he knew that one more movement would cause him to vomit.

He gasped for air.

"Are you deaf? You. Are. Behind.", Blurry pushed him back harshly so that Tyler's back hit the concrete wall with a thud. Luckily his head fell forward, not backward against the hard material.

Tyler knew what would happen if he didn't walk out this room right away. His writing room with the untuned piano was only halfway down the hall. Not far. No chance for him to run or see the outside. Or any people.

It wasn't far but his body couldn't manage. His stomach is rattled from the push back and he sure enough tasted his stomach acid before it landed on the floor, partially on himself.

Tyler was shaking.

"God", Blurry rolled his eyes, "you're weak, look at this mess! Clean it up!"

It wasn't a pretty scenario and Tyler likes to skip the part where he was forced to clean the floor with his own shirt, while Blurry kicked him flat onto the floor more than once.

"Good, let's go", Blurrface eventually said and got down on Tyler's level. He gave him a chance to agree and get up on his own, but both of then knew Tyler wouldn't be able to.

Tyler wanted to run, break free. He wanted to be in Trench, collecting firewood and perhaps find flowers for his boyfriend while doing so. He wanted sunny days and warm nights.

He didn't get any of that. He got tears and pain instead.

"You will listen to me!", Blurry yelled and some of his spit landed on Tyler's bruised face.

For a moment Tyler expected Blurry to smear him, turn his throat into sandpaper and his own thoughts into an idea rather than actions, but today it was the far more worse option.

Smearing to Tyler feels like being in a haze. It's like suffocating on your breaths. No matter how deep you breath in, the air never reaches your lungs. You move and act yourself, you're fueled by your anxiety, but can't show. You do as told, while your mind thinks you're about to die any second now. A pure state of survival that fights with the commands given.

Being seized was similar. You're scared, adrenaline rushing through your veins. You, however, feel everything. There is no haze or blockage of the full effect. You're not moving yourself, someone else is. Tyler has his own thoughts, but also the ideas and wishes Blurryface implants inside him.

They are never good thoughts.

One time Tyler was forced to scratch open his own skin until it bled, he felt the physical and mental pain, but could only watch. Blurryface words burning inside his brain.

It's the ultimate loss of yourself.

"Please don't", Tyler cried out, he would take the smearing over the alternative, "I-i can..."

"Let me show you what you can", Blurry pushed himself back up, stepped backwards towards the door and pointed a finger at Tyler, who was still kneeling in front of the rest of his stomachs contents.

Almost instantly Tyler felt Blurry's presence in his mind. His head metaphorically exploding from the additional force put onto his dehydrated mind. His body stood up, it hurt, but he couldn't do anything about it. Blurry made him walk regardless.

Tyler watched himself walk out the room and into the hall. There's blood running down from his knees and he wondered when those injuries must've happened.

He didn't want to walk, he didn't want to write. He wanted... an end.

Blurry told his mind that he would never get an end. That this was forever, that Tyler is not worth mercy or rescue. Not even Josh.

Tyler wanted to wonder where Josh was during his writing sessions, in which room he was locked away in but Blurry didn't allow him to think.

He made Tyler sit down by the old and broken piano, his hands placed onto the keys, playing an awful dissonance. Paper and pens on top of the piano waiting for Tyler to finish this shitty album.

"Now write, maybe you can get water then later", Blurry said in his head before his presence disappeared and Tyler fell over backwards. The little bench with him as his back hit the ground.

Maybe he was unconscious, maybe he finally fell asleep for a while. The next time he opened his eyes however the blood on his knees was dried and his mind didn't buzz as loudly anymore.

From his position on the floor, he was forced to stare into a flickering yellow lightbulb. His vision blurred from the unusual bright light. It hurt his eyes. Perhaps if he stared long enough he'd go blind and didn't have to write anymore.

It would all be so easy if things would just stop, Tyler thought and weakly hit his head against the floor.

'If things stop now, though, you could never avenge yourself', a voice told him. It wasn't Josh, for once. Hopefully he was sleeping in his room.

"Revenge", Tyler whispered to himself, eyes closed.

Watch Blurryface suffer?

Beg for help?

Beg for merci?

Tyler would... like that.

"No", he opened his eyes again to get another glimpse of the yellow light, "that's not who I am"

'It's who you could be', a part of him argued.

Tyler thought of the sunny days outside, hoping that at least the Banditos are safe. He thought of the citizens still trapped in Dema too. The ones not knowing what they're missing day by day while they worship the Bishops.

How can they live their life without knowing about Trench?

How can they live without knowing about the joys of the ocean? The rivers and trees? Never once jumping into the ice cold lake on the first hot day of summer?

"I want to show them", Tyler lifted his heavy head.

"I want them to be free", he coughed up blood, or spit or vomit. He wasn't too sure what it was. It didn't matter.

Tyler's thoughts swayed over to the piano by his feet, to the smell of rotten stone all around him and the album he had to finish.

If Blurryface wanted this album, he'll get it.

And then, "I want him dead... and this city free"

... "there will be no 'out here' to show if we lose. And you certainly wouldn't win. So leave this to me", Clancy grasps the Uke tighter back in the present.

And with that Clancy wins. Of course he does. Tyler gives up (what is there to argue? He'd be a wreck without him) and leaves the moment to Clancy and his daydreams by the shore, years away from the piano room.

It's only about an hour later when Tyler re-emerges from the water, frowning at the scenery.

Clancy is sharpening the antlers.

One end of each one, sharpened by an old pocketknife.

And then, Tyler sees it too.

Their victory.

×××

"Where is he?", Mark questions, hands on his hips.

Him, Torchbearer, Jenna, Debby and Soren are gathered around a wooden box. It's run down, broken in places, scratches all over but it's holding together just fine. It's antique yet durable.

"What do you think?", Torchbearer asks back and traces the box' rim with his hand, kneeling down.

"Maybe he'll do us a favour and jump off that damn cliff", someone comments as they walk by.

Their heads snap up, a young woman and two guys stand not far from them. Their faces are dim, serious. Torch is in disbelief at their words.

"We'll need him", Soren argues. He carried this box (alongside his friends) through Trench all morning to get it here. He believes in the cause just as much as Mark or Debby. He's a Bandito through and through.

"But he doesn't need us. Who says he's actually going to free us? Dema? Who says he won't become one of them? He's halfway there. Might as well take him down before it's too late!"

"We don't wish death upon our own", Torch chimes in. He gets back up and leaves the chest be, before he circles it to place himself between Soren and the group of three.

"Sorry, Torch. It's just- he's different. That's not the same Clancy that spoke to us back then. He's grown distant... And his hands! Have you seen his hands!?", the woman stretches out her arms, presenting her scarred fingers.

"No one said this path will be easy. The Bishops are vile and have hurt each of us in different ways", Torchbearer takes one of the woman's hand in-between in palms, "we've all experienced bad things. And Clancy's been through more than any of us can even imagine. Just because we can't see all of his scars, doesn't mean they don't exist"

Mark joins Torch's side, "that's right. Clancy more than any of us, knows the importance of our mission. He will free us"

A bitter taste forms on Torchbearer's tongue. Will Clancy free them? Or will he use the momentum for his own personal good? What would that look like?

"If you say so", one of the two men behind says, "we'll believe you, TB. But that doesn't mean we trust him. We will do, what needs to be done before it's too late... again"

It's vague, but Torch knows exactly what threat is being proposed here.

The Banditos are willing to take down one of their own- if you can still call Clancy that- if necessary.

Trench shares Josh's heavy heart over the realisation that Tyler might not make it out of this alive. One way or another.

Even more reason for the land to wrap this child in more guidance, comfort that Trench will always be by Josh's side.

He thanks it quietly for it.

"I think it's better if you'll be doing your job now. We'll handle the rest", Mark blurrs out and turns away from the trio.

They strut off without another comment.

Torchbearer puts a hand on Soren's shoulder, "you, me and Eliot are going to get Clancy. We'll take the chest with us. You other three gather your teams, we'll leave as soon as Clancy's ready. Sahlo Folina"

"Sahlo Folina", they answer and scatter apart.

Torch leads the way once Eliot has joined them. They carry the chest to the shore, where Clancy more or less greets them. The Uke is on the floor, leaning against one of the rocks, the antlers in Clancy's hands seem sharpened. Although Torch isn't sure what he would do that for.

"We're ready", Torchbearer says, gesturing to the chest, "Clancy"

"Let's finish this then", he answers.

Chapter 12

Notes:

TW: blood (kinda)

The glorious gone are closing in on all sides. There's screaming and growling all around Clancy. Weapons crashing onto one another, people crying out in pain.

It's a mess.

A warzone.

Clancy throws a look over his shoulder. He can see the hills in the distance, the second wave probably laying between the rocks, watching them fight from afar. Mark is somewhere back there as well. Next to him, a couple of rows in front is Torchbearer. Leading his people, raising his torch in one hand and his axe in the other.

Dema's wall is stretching far up into the sky in front of them. The empty graves separate them into groups.

It's a lot more resistance than they had anticipated.

Good for Clancy though, he could slip away by himself while everyone else is occupied.

Time around him moves in slow motion as he dodges the bright piece of a gravestone to his right. The stick-like weapon misses him, the glorious gone, a young woman, falls forward into the mud. Clancy's antlers rattle as he steps to the side. No one watches him.

This is his moment.

And he takes it: he turns swiftly around his own axis to face west and he runs.

It's a long way to Keons' district, but he can make it there fast enough if he keeps a high pace.

His boots dig deep into the dirt, vultures circling over his head. He imagines Blurryface watching him from above, even though it would be impossible from this angle.

Clancy's so close to his victory, he can almost taste it as he reaches the secret entry to the tunnels. It's overgrown and crippled. It would do though.
The first couple meters are slippery, there's water damage to the circular walls, but once he turns a corner (the third one, just like the maps indicated) he recognises the usual paths. He's been here before and his legs carry him through it.

At a usual inauspicious latter two members of red await him. They give him a nod, guide him up the ladder and out of the tunnels. They find themselves between a couple of abandoned houses. The cloudy sky dips them in shadows.

Both of the strangers wear masks, red tape and each of them a grey backpack. They're Clancy's about height.

"Through the passage over here, you'll find a small building with a green door. Go through that maintenance door and you'll find the trapdoor down into the sewerage. Just follow the red paint on the walls. That path takes you directly to the towers", one of them explains, pointing down an alley in front of them.

Clancy's a little out of breath still as he replies, "got it, thanks. Are you gonna stay here?"

The other member of red nods, "yes. We'll make sure no one follows, just like you asked. Yellow won't bother you"

In unison they lift their palms over their ears and down crossed over their respective hearts, before Clancy leaves following the path he's been given. Both literally and metaphorically.

The way to the towers is easy. No one crosses his way. The sewer is silent, his feet echo on the dry stone. Once he reaches an arrow that points up, the adrenaline takes over. Tyler stays quiet and watches Clancy climb back out onto the street.

"No guards", Clancy mumbles and walks over to the door of Blurry's tower. It's locked. Of course.

Let's prove you're not as weak as me then, Tyler jokes from underneath.

Clancy tightens the rope around his waist, which holds his antlers and starts to climb, ignoring the comment.

The towers are tall, and it doesn't help that Blurry's reaches the furthest into the sky. Gripping the stones starts to hurt Clancy's fingers about halfway through and his fingernails scratch over the hard material with each new grip.

Even though Trench doesn't approve of his ways, it roots for the chosen one. There's still hope Clancy will make the right decision, a decision against himself and for Dema.

Sweat starts to form on Clancy's forehead as the exhaustion grows.

But in a way, Clancy thinks, this way of infiltration is quite symbolic. An ascent into the future, into a new and better world. Clancy's world.

It feels glorious.

Is this what Keons wanted to happen?

Did he start this chain of events for this moment? Is he watching down on him?

Clancy would've laughed if he had the spare time.

"Watching down"

What even is there after death?

Heaven? Paradise? Something else entirely?

He has discarded of the Bishops teachings a long time ago.

So, what is Clancy believing in these days then?

He allows himself one short glimpse of what's beneath. Even if he has nothing to believe in, he sure as hell hopes there'd be something awaiting him if he were to fall.

Trench assures him there is, though he doesn't hear.

Somewhere behind him the Banditos are fighting for their lives. What awaits them after they die? Clancy's seen how bloody the confrontation got even before he left. They can't possibly all survive.

Does he care what happens to them?

Either way he might never know if they live or die and if they do leave this world, where their soul will end up.

"Focus", he presses through his grinding teeth and eventually reaches a window sill. Clancy expects the room to be empty. After all, there's still a long way to go if he wants to reach the top, but once he realises he's met with a room full of Bishops he freezes for a moment.

This is his chance.

He jumps inside and pulls out his antlers.

This is victory, he thinks and stretches out his arm. He channels all of his anger that the memories of the last decade have built up in him, into his antlers. All of the frustration and defeats metaphorically grabbed by their neck and pushed into the mystical items.

One by one the Bishops fall to the ground with a thud as Clancy turns clockwise.

His heart is beating wildly, as he feels his chest pull on him. It's exhausting but he manages to keep a straight face and steady stature.

Once the last one to Clancy's right falls, he believes it to be Andre, he straightens up and counts.

Seven down. One more to go.

And of course the last missing one is him. Blurryface.

The door on the opposite side of the room swings open almost immediately after the realisation. Nico walls into the room, coming straight for Clancy.

This is it, Tyler thinks as the cold fingers of the Bishop wrap around his neck.

A shiver runs through Clancy as Nico speaks with his usual dark tone, "so few..."

Clancy gasps as the grip around his neck tightens.

"so proud..."

He closes his eyes, frozen from anxiety.

The antlers fall to the ground with an echo.

"so... Emotional..."

His heart is beating wildly.

His hands sweat and his mind tries to find focus.

He needs something that could help him get out of this situation.

Nico's as calm as ever, almost taunting him, "hello Clancy"

What happens next is a bit hard for Clancy to fully understand. It feels like he's smeared, but also not. He's being seized, but he's also himself. Somebody controls, while he's the one in control.

A paradox.

In the darkness of his vision he sees Josh.

It's impossible, but he's there.

Is this a trick of his own imagination or is that Josh projecting again?

"You said you'd free us", 'Josh' says. His voice is distorted.

"I am", Clancy answers in his head, "I promised to save you from the Bishops. And I will. Only one is left"

"No, look at yourself. Look what you have turned into!"

This version of Josh reminds Clancy of different scenario. Clancy seizing, revealing himself to the citizens of Dema for the very first time. Teaching them his ways. Turning them into a new group, red.

Back there, in the corner of his eyes, Josh was there, this Josh. Black clothes, a faint heroic aura that screams Torchbearer.

Is this another projection? The one in the tower of silence, the one on Voldsøy was different.

Or was he?

"I've turned into everything I should be", Clancy argues back.

Fake-Josh (or whoever this is) turns away from him, "you've turned into something way worse. You're enjoying this. The power, the control"

"So what? Let me finish this!"

"And then what!? You'll take their place? Another person of power that can't get enough of it?", Josh spits.

"Maybe!", Clancy frowns in surprise at the backlash he's receiving from someone that is nothing more than a projection, "I can make things right. I've got the position and abilities to turn Dema around"

"Yeah, to your liking! Think about us! Your people!", Josh is yelling now.

"Shut up!", Clancy yells back and opens his eyes as a way to end that discussion.

He's met with Blurry's old and wrinkled face. Nico's smile is steady, though Clancy can see it fade just the tiniest bit as his own determination grows.

Clancy won't let Blurry control him.

He won't let him smear him.

Never again.

×××

Nicolas Bourbaki isn't someone to be led into uncertainty. He's a confident man with great power. He knows what he can and can't do and the latter usually doesn't involve a lot of things.

He also isn't a man that is vulgar.

But once he sees Tyler resist his smear, open his eyes and lower his gaze into a shadow of anger and determination that Nico has never seen in anyone else before besides maybe himself, there is only one thing he can think of:

Oh shit.

"Hello Blurryface", Tyler speaks calmly.

Impressive.

Silence falls over the Bishop as he's awaiting the next move of his former student. This could get interesting after all.

Tyler takes a step back, forcing Nico to loosen his grip around his neck, though Nico won't let go entirely. In the end, Tyler- any version of him- will not be telling him what to do.

"What now, son?", Nico smirks. For the first time in a while, the Blurryface is met face to face with someone that might actually come close to an equal. In a way, it amuses him.

Tyler grabs Nico's right hand, a lighting strike stabbing Nico's chest within seconds.

"Argh", the Bishop cries out. He did not see that coming.

No need to worry though, at least not yet. Nico tells himself as he continues to keep his lips pulled into a smirk, "is this really your plan. Just- kill us all?"

"What other plan could there be? You've lost already. I'm more powerful than you"

Now that is a statement.

Nico almost laughs, "you are indeed very powerful, young one. You've always been exceptional"

×××

The exception, Clancy thinks. That's what he is, Trench has told him many times in his dreams. A statement confirmed by the many, many times the Bishops have seized his body, his mind.

Only thinking about it fuels Clancy's hatred even more.

"Don't flatter me now that your life is in my hands", Clancy channels another wave of energy through his arm, his hand and into the body of the Bishop.

Nico twitches, his other arm finally falling off of Clancy's neck as well.

"I have an offer", the Bishop declares as he pulls himself away and out of Clancy's grip. Clancy lets him.

Ain't that convenient, Clancy thinks to himself. Suddenly the man wants to talk.

The old man folds his hands behind his back, straightening his back, even though Clancy can clearly tell that he's taken a good hit from the shock waves.

"You and me", Nico begins, but Clancy only rolls his eyes. He's got no time for big speeches. He's electrified, itching to keep going. Maybe he's going for a run around the walls after this. He feels unbeatable.

"Give me a break", Clancy therefore answers and bends down to reach for his antlers.

Nico stops him with slowly yet sharp lifting a hand, "hear me out. We both are strong. I've watched you grow up. I've seen you overtake your former self many, many times throughout your life. All of your... escapes. You've cost me some nerves, but I would lie if I didn't admit that I was a little impressed with each one. I can teach you how to use your powers to your full potential"

As much as Clancy hates himself for it. He doesn't shut the idea down right away. Instead he thinks about it for a moment. Him and Blurryface? Nico and Clancy? Together?

In a way, it is tempting. What if Clancy could feel like this every day? His chest full of energy? Oh, it would be glorious.

Clancy's eyes scan the room, a mental picture forming of him in a red robe. Walking these streets, forming the laws to his wishes and needs.

And that's what leaves Clancy frowning. What is his wish? His need?

Right now, it's the death of the Bishops. Revenge on Blurryface. His eyes shift back to the man in front of him.

No, he won't shake hands with the dark parts of his life. Clancy bends down, grabs the right antler and turns the sharpened end toward the Bishop.

"No", Clancy grips the antler tight and lunges forward.

×××

Bleeding, on the floor, Nico manages to lift his gaze. He sees Tyler, behind him the little window sharpens his silhouette.

"In the end you're just like us", Nico gasps, hand on his wound. Of course he would deny his offer, but why be so harsh about how this conversation has to end?

Tyler takes a step forward, his face tense, his hand bloody, the antler is somewhere on the floor and out of the Bishops periphery, "I'm nothing like you. I have just freed this city"

"Oh dear", Nico's body is giving up, he curls into himself as he speaks, "have you? There's nothing that makes you any different. What will your next move be? What comes after this?"

Tyler stays silent, because both of them seem to know the answer.

There might be a way, another option, but Nico can see it. He sees the effect Tyler's new powers have on him. And of course they do, they're addictive. Why else would Nico have put himself into this position? Him and any of the other Bishops craved the exact same thing their entire lives that Tyler has started to seek out these past weeks.

This is only the beginning for Tyler, Nico thinks as his breaths turn into wheezes. It's a shame he won't be able to live long enough to see it. Tyler will take over this city and make it his. Sound familiar?

"I will do better", the confidence has left Tyler's words. Only a confirmation of what lays unsaid between the two.

"I'm Blurryface", Nico wheezes, his mouth filled with blood. He wants to vomit but swallows it down. If he has to leave like this, he'll at least do it with some dignity.

Tyler seems confused at the statement at first but he soon enough realises, "you're-"

Nico nods, he can't do more than that. He's old, injured and Trench won't heal him this time. A shame really.

"Each of you stems out of a specific negative emotion. Bishop Nills patrolled the walls because-"

"- he feared defeat", Nico finishes Tyler's thought. Finally someone that sees it.

The revelation hits the young boy hard, he takes a few steps back, dipping Nico in his shadow as Clancy blocks out the light from the window.

"B-But that means...", Tyler murmurs, but Nico doesn't hear the rest of it. The Bishop's robe is already drenched in blood and Nico knows he doesn't have much time left.

He may be Blurryface, though once, a long time ago, he was also 'just' another human. A person living a life. And right now, he can't help but think back to it. To the time when the walls weren't high, weren't meant to keep people in rather than dangerous wild life out. Back when the sun used to wake up the city, not the service bell.

A good time, a weak time. At least to Nico. Trench may have given him this life, but it sure as hell didn't give him enough. He had worked hard to gain this all by himself.

A long life, that could've easily been longer.

Nico wonders how long Tyler's will be. What would've happened if Tyler had accepted the deal. There would've been so much he could've taught. All this knowledge, gone forever in only a few more breaths.

"What am I?", Nico can hear Tyler ask but his mind is already drifting away. The cold around him turns into warmth. Trench is ready to greet him back.

"WHAT AM I?", Tyler suddenly appears right at the center of his vision. He has grabbed Nico's collar, pulling them nose to nose.

"Hm...", Nico huffs, as he pushes out the last bit of air he will have ever breathed in.

Revenge.

×××

To Josh projecting is a strange phenomenon. He's himself, in his own body, own thoughts and feelings, while at the same time a part of him is somewhere else. Like a forgotten idea or an urge to remember something you have just thought about seconds earlier.

A barrier or wall splitting his mind into pieces. Sometimes he dreams about what this other part of him is experiencing. About the surroundings, the smell of the air or the taste that certain events leave on his tongue.

Something so close, yet so far out of reach.

Projecting himself to guide Tyler is nothing more than an idea one moment and the next he's already doing it. Back during Tyler's captivity Josh projected the part of him that would comfort his boyfriend. That would cheer him up, bring him some lighter moments between the harsh ones.

Tyler hasn't told him much, but between the few stories and the restless dreams Josh has had, he can only imagine what the last couple of years have done to his Tyler.

The version of him that ran away from Josh and the Banditos today, is far from what he used to be. Tyler wouldn't have done that. Never. Not to his people.

But once the glorious gone had fallen, Josh had known that, in the end, Tyler had fulfilled his main promise.

Although Josh feared Tyler wouldn't stop there.

They all knew what this power could do to someone. They've seen nine people fall for its lust.

Josh knew in that moment, the moment the death returned to being dead, the graves empty and Clancy gone, that Tyler needs him. Now more than ever.

So, Josh sat down into the mud, between the dead and the injured and closed his eyes. He needed to control his usual autonomous projection. A version of himself that would hopefully be able to reach Tyler's inner conflict.

In the state Josh has put himself in words aren't words, actions aren't actions, but the message he sends over and over again is clear:

"Clancy,

Never forget the cries of your people

Never forget the raw fear that fueled you, or the rebels that made you who you are today.

We are all one.

We destroyed them so that we didn't become them.

We must do better, Clancy.

We must do better.

TB"

Josh doesn't know if or how his plea is reaching Tyler, but he hopes it does and that it is enough.

Enough to stop him.

Enough to get him back.

Enough for this all to end.

Dema is free. They don't need another Bishop, they need Tyler, not Clancy.

"Josh?", Mark is out of breath, his clothes wet from the moss, his forehead sweaty. He must've run down here as he had originally stayed behind with wave two.

Josh is still a bit dizzy from using his ability, but he manages to look up from his spot on the ground, "you never call me that these days"

"Where's Tyler?"

Worry swaps over Josh again. Like a tsunami. Have his words reached him?

Or is he about to lose his partner for life?

The person he wants to grow old with?

"Inside the tower", Josh states the obvious and lets Mark pull him onto his feet.

"Yeah, but you guided him there, right?", Mark doesn't understand much of the logistics of Josh's ability to guide, but he tries his best.

"I hope so, we need to get inside, I think he needs help"

As if Josh has transferred all of his thoughts and feelings onto his friend, Mark moves without hesitation. He grabs Josh's torch, directs the Banditos to take care of the injured just like they had rehearsed so many times and follows Josh towards the next best tunnel entrance.

Together the two of them as well as two additional Banditos make their way into the city. They're fast, all of them being carried by a mixture of relief (the Bishops have finally been defeated) and anxiety (an uncertainty of whether or not their friend is okay).

The adrenaline is pumping through them.

Inside the city chaos has already ensued. People are swarming the streets, some preaching freedom, others in disbelief that the Bishops are dead. Everything they've ever believed in, gone.

Here and there Josh can see splashes of red. Of course. They must've spread the news almost immediately.

"We need to get to the towers", Josh announces, his companions agree and together they push themselves closer to the center of the city.

It's tricky and sometimes Josh is under the impression that red has blocked streets on purpose. Trying to contain the people away from the towers.

Eventually they reach the fence around the Dema's center. Red is guarding the entrances, sending yellow away. There are arguments all around them when Josh and Mark step closer.

"What's going on out here?", Josh asks in his usual Torchbearer manner. Everyone around him suddenly turns silent.

At least he hasn't lost his charm.

"They won't let us in, Torch! Clancy's in there!", someone shouts from behind.

Another voice to his left adds, "we're supposed to be on the same side!"

"Is that true?", Josh turns toward a young boy in front of him. He's wearing a black shirt with red stripes, his face is covered in acne, but he appears confident, his back straight.

"Clancy told us to make sure no one interrupts him. You're not welcome here", the boy answers, "go away"

"Don't talk to him, Ryan", a woman with black hair whispers from behind him. Her hair is tied back with a red ribbon.

Josh turns to Mark, they exchange a look. What has Clancy told them? Has he really tried to turn red against the Banditos?

"Is he still in there?", Mark questions, turned to 'Ryan', even though he seems to be taking his job seriously, he still appears to be the least defensive. Everyone else around them has turned their back to them or wears a mask with no mouth hole.

"I-I don't know. But it doesn't matter. He was very clear"

Josh frowns, "we're Clancy's friends. We're worried, just like you are. Do you know him well?"

Ryan shrugs, "I guess. We've talked a few times"

Somewhere behind them glass breaks and the boy jerks back. He clearly was neither prepared nor made for this kind of altercation.

"Then you know what he's like", Josh tries to picture Tyler, the confident Tyler that seizes the dead and promises a better world, "he may seem like this big leader- fearless, inspiring. But in the end he's just a person. And sometimes even people like him need help. We wanna make sure he's okay"

Ryan thinks for a moment, "we haven't heard from him since the glorious gone fell. We watched you fight in front of the walls. He's up there in Blurry's tower, we think"

"Thank you", Mark says and allows Ryan to guide them through the sceptical crowd towards the correct tower.

The door to Blurry's tower presents itself locked, but red came prepared. Within seconds one of them is able to pick the lock and open the door for them.

Josh thanks them, before his head switches to automatic. His feet clash onto the stone steps, his muscles seem to know no limit as he runs upstairs. Further and further. Mark is somewhere behind him, but Josh can't wait for him.

Where's Tyler?

How's Tyler?

Oh, please be alive, Josh finds himself begging. What if Tyler was able to get them to stop seizing the dead, but in the end couldn't defeat them? What if they defeated him instead and now they're laughing over his dead body?

Why did he have to go by himself?

Why couldn't he wait?

Oh, Tyler, please be okay.

Josh tries to channel hidden memories. Memories of the projection he has sent earlier. What happened? What is Tyler up to? He can't grasp anything.

This is Josh's first time inside Nico's tower. The walls look all the same, he's dizzy and disoriented. But once he sees an open door, a glimpse of red robes appearing in his vision, he stops dead in his tracks.

Josh can't hear Mark, the blood rushing through his ears is too loud as he steps inside the room. In front of him, by his feet upon entering he finds Blurryface. Dead. In a puddle of blood.

The other Bishops are also on the floor, none of them is breathing.

"Oh, Tyler", Josh almost cries out as his eyes wander over the tiles on the floor. In the middle of the room he finds Tyler's jacket. Clancy's jacket. Folded together, antlers on top. One of them has its tip covered in dried blood.

"Where are you?", Josh whispers desperately and falls to his knees. He hides his face inside his palms, the tears already running down his cheeks.

Notes:

Soooo, how is everybody doing?
We've got about 2 chapters left. Techincally 1 shorter one + an epilogue.
Anyway, I'm ready for single number 2 off of breach...

Chapter 13

Notes:

this was supposed to be a shorter one... In the end it turned out to be as long as most other chapters, whoopsie

TW: Discussion of Mental Illness

Tyler is gone.

Three words that repeat over and over again in Josh's head. From the first time he opens his eyes in the morning, to the last time he closes them at night.

Tyler. is. gone.

He should be here. Next to Josh and Mark as the coffins are being wheeled through the city on this historic day.

The day that the Bishops died, a broadcast was sent. A unified message from red and yellow. It was a heavy task. How do you tell an entire city with thousands of citizens that their government has fallen, because they've been brainwashing everyone? Thousands of people losing their day-to-day reality, being told their faith isn't 'real'?

Some believed the truth, others mourned the fall of their leader. Or both. It would take a while for the city to recover, for the truth to be accepted and people be given their space to ground themselves in the new 'normal'.

To some of them, Trench sounded like a myth. A joke. Even after the Banditos had opened the gates, people didn't want to leave. Not to mention the dozens over dozens of extra graves that needed to be dug for those that wanted to leave the earthside alongside with their idolised Bishops.

But things are starting to get better. People cope, especially through the help of each other. Neighbours helping neighbours, friends are being made and the community inside the districts is strong.

Together they can build the new future for Dema. A Dema without walls or mass graves. Especially in Keons district people have started to grouped together, tearing down the wall brick by brick. And because of that, today, for the first time in a long, long time, the sunrise was able to shine in Dema.

Just in time for the Bishops burial. Four days after their fall, Dema has come together to say goodbye to the old regime, to their tantalizers and the oppressive state they've all being living under.

Josh and the Banditos, both yellow and red, have decided to be the bigger people. The Bishops may not have deserved this, but seeing the coffins being rolled through the districts, one by one, Josh can feel its necessary effect. He would lie, if he said he wouldn't have needed this funeral.

In a way, it helps to close this chapter of history.

Keons body had been too decayed to be part of the ceremony, but the citizens didn't need to know. Nine closed coffins with each a different name was all they needed to see, no one needed to know that one of them was empty or that Bishop Keons had been dead for weeks.

By the end of their round through each district, the coffins are covered in yellow flowers, offerings and letters. The streets were full. Everyone wanted to get a last glimpse at the Bishops before they would continue to watch the coffins being lowered into the ground outside the city on the public TV broadcast.

The Banditos bury the wooden boxes one by one as Josh and Mark stand shoulder by shoulder, a little further off. And all Josh can think of is: Tyler is gone. He should've been able to watch this. He should've held the speeches, spread the word of Trench and Freedom. He certainly would've found better words than Josh ever could.

"I think we should go out there and look for him", Mark mumbles as they watch the last coffin being buried under the dry soil.

"He hasn't been in camp, not by the shore and not by the waterfalls. If he wanted us to find him, we would've already", Josh replies with a heavy heart.

The first night without Tyler had been hard. Josh hadn't slept, instead he had wandered through the mountains of Trench. Looked for Tyler everywhere. Any signs, even just a letter stating that he's fine, but needs to leave. Anything to bring Josh comfort over his situation.

He had screamed and cried out into the darkness for hours, to no avail.

The only thing that has this far assured him, that Tyler is at least somewhat okay, is Josh's non-existent urge to guide him. No matter where he is, he at least isn't lost.

"Still, he can't be dead. He's out there somewhere, right?", Mark manages to look away from the burial and out into the landscape around them. Maybe hoping to spot his friend's shadow in the distance.

No, Tyler isn't dead. Josh oddly enough knows that, "he is out there. And we'll give him the time and space he needs to heal. Until then, we spread the word over Clancy, the person that has brought peace to Dema"

×××

The 'Legend of Clancy' spreads like a wildfire. The legend consists of stories of a person that possesses the same power as the Bishops, that used it for good. A person that spreads hope and love. No one seems to know who he is (or what he looks like), but there's one thing every story has: a message. The message of Trench.

Dema heals, listens to the land and every day that goes by the city breaks out of old patterns. Schools stop teaching vialism, houses regain colour, families are reunited and Dema's walls are being carefully dismantled, the material re-used for new housing.

The towers stay untouched, becoming a symbol of the dark days, while one day someone suddenly puts up a grave right in front of it. The dark stone reads 'CLANCY' and the people start to light candles next to it, some bring flowers, others thank him silently as they pass by.

Faith changes, projects onto the abstract image of the person that saved them from the Bishops.

At first, Josh didn't like the idea that the city worshiped Tyler, but as time went by, he realised they're not worshiping Tyler. They're believing and thanking Clancy for his sacrifice. The idea of a person that wasn't necessarily tied to Tyler himself.

Mark and Debby have taken over the lead of Dema. The two of them, as well as a handful of other long-term Banditos have re-organized the city. Nine districts merged into four; north, west, south and east. Graves were moved to make more space for the new houses and the Banditos that moved back into the city.

Torchbearer helps with establishing safe hunting and fishing grounds. He shows people safe paths through the dangerous peculiarities of Trench and teaches important survival skills to those who want to leave for their own adventure.

About four weeks after the Bishops fall, Josh lies awake in his apartment, reminiscing about his new life. He lives on the edge of the new eastern district. Outside his bedroom window he can see the distant hills and parts of the new graveyards. At night, he stares at the neon light, wondering how much things have changed and where he would be if it weren't for Tyler.

There's so much Josh wants to tell Tyler. Thank him, hold him, share his thoughts and feelings over the new reality of his life. How much he misses camp, while also cherishing the newly gained comfort of his own home. A home he wants to share with no one but his soulmate.

But Tyler is gone.

And even worse: everything reminds Josh of Tyler.

The extra space in bed, the bare walls Josh hasn't dared to paint yet, the empty half of the closet and the food portions he cooks that are always way too much for one person.

With every restless night, with every nightmare and daydream, Josh wishes Tyler would be there.

Josh would give up all the new comfort, yes, even the running water and hot showers, just to know where his boyfriend is. What happened in that tower...

Josh has to know.

He wants to understand.

His alarm clock reads 3:23am when he turns to his other side underneath the covers once more. He hasn't gotten even a minute of sleep tonight and he doubts that'll change before sunrise. No matter how comfortable it is in his own bed.

"Tyler where are you?", Josh asks the empty room, his hand clinging to the unused pillow next to him.

Perhaps Tyler would've bought a new piano or fixed his Uke from camp, or maybe he would've discovered a completely new hobby for himself.

What clothes would he have chosen to fill the closet? What haircut would he have now? Would he have insisted on a different apartment? Would he have wanted a garden instead of a balcony on the second floor?

Too many questions, too little answers.

For the first time in a month, Josh hears Trench talk to him. Telling him to go out there and find his answers, to... find his path?

His path?

Is Josh... lost?

It could be a way to describe his current situation.

Whatever it is, Josh knows he has to follow it. Give in to this instinct. It's the thing that has gotten him this far, that has made him the leader of the Banditos so many years ago. And might just be the thing to bring him his Tyler back.

Josh leaves the warmth of his bed and changes from his pyjamas (yes, he has pyjamas now!) into his new black trousers, a plain grey hoodie and his new hiking boots.

Only one thing is missing.

It's right by the front door, in the little dresser. In the bottom drawer. Josh rummages through it until he finds it: yellow tape.

With two yellow stripes over his shoulders, his keys and the determination to find answers, Josh leaves his apartment.

As it's mid-summer Josh quickly regrets his decision of a hoodie over a t-shirt. He rolls up his sleeves almost instantly, as he leaves the city.

Just outside the new edge of Dema, Mark and Debby had the Banditos surround the city with torches. Bringing light to those who need guidance through the dark nights.

Josh picks one up as he walks by it.

He's going to find Tyler.

There is no doubt in his mind.

×××

Four Weeks Earlier...

"Each of you stems out of a specific negative emotion. Bishop Nills patrolled the walls because-", Clancy begins and Nico finishes the thought for him:

"- he feared defeat"

Clancy has the impression someone's run over him with a car. Perhaps a truck, if he knew what that was. All air has left his lungs, his control over the situation swapped away with Nico's words.

They were all like him.

His eyes dart over the dead Bishops' bodies around him.

Each of them had a specific fear that pushed them to use their power. It pushed them to let go of themselves, of what made them human. They devoted themselves to their gift fully to gain control, to compensate in hopes of drowning out that emotion.

Clancy's heart goes wild in his chest and this time it's from something he can only desrcibe as anger and not from the adrenaline rush he got from the antlers. He's angry over having not seen this flaw in his plan. A possible hurd that could stop him from his goal.

A storm rises within him. Thunder, lightning strikes, rain. His ocean turns deadly. The floor underneath his feet becomes unsteady, threatening him to make him fall.

He needs to breathe, get a grip on reality.

If Clancy lets this tsunami of emotions win, he's doomed. He covers his ears with his hands, his eyes ripped wide open. His black hands slip over his ears as he tries to grip them, one of them additionally covered in blood, making it even harder to hold onto something.

Blood.

Nico's blood.

He knows what emotion I am, Clancy thinks to himself. He must. Would he have offered a deal if he didn't? If Clancy knows what he represents, he can let it go too. Finally become unstoppable.

He could overcome what each of them couldn't.

Clancy looks up, his knees shaking as he becomes aware of his surroundings again.

"What am I?", he asks from the other side of the room. The Bishop is still on the floor, wheezing and choking on his own spit. It won't be long until he's dead.

Nico doesn't answer, so Clancy steadies himself. The imaginary waves of his ocean around his feet make it hard for him to put one foot in front of the other, but he manages.

Eventually he reaches the dying Bishop, the storm inside him lashing out to all sides, he grips the robe of the old man and pulls him close and screams, "WHAT AM I?"

He needs to know before it's too late.

Otherwise this will have all been for nothing.

There's a hint of amusement on Nico's face. His lips part, but he only pushes out a weak groan, before his body gives out, and becomes dead weight in Clancy's fists.

"No!", Clancy shouts again, shaking the dead body, "ANSWER ME!"

The answer doesn't come. Blurryface is dead.

"No...", Clancy lets go of the robe, both of them falling to the ground. Clancy catches himself with his elbow before his entire body meets the concrete. The Bishop, of course, wasn't so reactive. His body makes a smudgy sound upon impact.

What is he?

Who is he?

"Clancy", someone says in front of him.

It's only his imagination, he thinks and places both of his hands onto the cold floor. Both his palms touch the ground, as he leans over. His eyes are fixed on a crack in between them.

He has killed them. All eight of them.

In a way, he might even be responsible for all nine deaths.

He did what he was destined to do.

On one hand it feels great. The muscles of his arms still twitch from the energy. Clancy had been more superior and stronger than any of them. He's finally surpassed them.

Oh the things he could do...

On the other hand, he wouldn't be able to do anything greater than them, if he doesn't know what emotion fuels him. Because, in the end, that'll be his biggest weakness. He can't be weak if he wants to reign over the city.

He doesn't have eight others of himself to compensate for his flaws.

The crack between his hands is small. It fits fully inside Clancy's peripheral view. So he focuses on it. He breathes in, and lets go. He lets go of the panic of not having gotten his answer, of the anger inside his chest. He needs to think.

"Tyler", the voice speaks again and this time Clancy knows it isn't his imagination. At least not solely.

The storm inside of him finally calms down, his ocean changes back from the dangerous black of a thunderstorm to the usual blue as he looks up. He isn't surprised by what he sees.

"Again?", he questions Josh's projection almost annoyed, "I'm busy"

"What's going on?", Fake-Josh kneels by Clancy's side, one hand placed onto his shoulder.

It feels real, way too real. It almost hurts.

Josh isn't really here, Clancy reminds himself, it can't hurt.

"Stop", Clancy shakes off the hand and pushes himself back onto his feet. He turns around on his own axis, taking in the scenery. Red robes on the floor, each the symbol of a victim that succumbed to their individual weakness.

What emotion could Clancy possibly represent?

"What are you doing?", Josh suddenly appears right in front of Clancy. It's impossible and for once Clancy is taken back, by the actions of Josh's ability. Usually the Fake-Josh obliged the laws of physics and coherence. He walked where he needed to, talked with an echo when it was appropriate, stayed quiet when not being adressed.

This is new.

Clancy doesn't have to get lost in philosophical questions over their abilities, so he discards that finding and tries to push Josh's projection aside, "you're not really here. Leave me alone, like you always do"

"I've never left you", the projection rebuttals, eyes locked onto him.

There's been a lot of back and forth inside Tyler, and therefore inside of Clancy, over his time in captivity. Being forced to use your form of escapism, your creativity and talent for something so mortifying as propaganda, used to be more than enough reason for Tyler to wish for his life to end. And knowing that the only thing that kept you sane, your best friend and lover, that you thought was going through that with you, that you mourned for every night because he didn't deserve it, truly wasn't there and left you behind, almost pushed him over the edge. While, at the same time, it had been an oddly heartening relief, that Josh had been safe all along.

A battle between feeling betrayed and solaced.

Once Fake-Josh repeats the exact words he had written in his letter to Tyler directly after his return after all those years, all hell breaks loose inside of him. It's like being transformed back into that battle.

I've never left you.

Josh is right.

Tyler never made the decision to return to Dema, and Josh never made the decision to leave Tyler.

Tyler was taken. An action that laid out of their decisive power.

Both of them were trapped in a horrible situation, separated and tortured in each their own way. They tried to make the best of it: Josh projected to keep Tyler alive (never leaving his side), Tyler wrote the album to save their people (a message of hope).

That's what brought him back here. His people. Freedom.

It's like a mirror shattering in his vision. Tyler's skin begins to itch, his mind and soul go from the recently calmed down ocean to a fire that Tyler didn't know was possible to ignite. How could he let this happen?

"Revenge! We wanted to kill them. That's who we are!", Clancy finally sees it. The realisation that he would need to let that go to reach his goal, doesn't come. Clancy's too far gone in his twisted world of power and anger. All he wants now is to get rid of Tyler.

Tyler only shakes his head, his confidence growing with each word, "revenge comes in many forms, it can also mean forgiveness."

He metaphorically grips Clancy by his bleached hair, him and all of his ideals, his preaching of saving the city through death and violence, and all of his promises that Tyler will feel better if he lets go of his past, his fear and anxiety and whatever else he mentioned, to win, and pushes it inside the fire.

Clancy wants to know what he is doing, but Tyler could ask him the same.

Because: what has he been doing?

Betraying the Banditos?

Leaving Josh behind?

"Remember why you're here. Remember your people", Josh's voice cuts through Tyler's inner battle.

Tears stream down his face as the gravity of the situation starts to sink in. It's enough to give him control over his body back. Though, Clancy won't give up without a fight.

It's a mental fight. Tyler's body sinks to its knees again, the antlers are somewhere behind Josh's legs, scattered on the floor and they call for him.

Tyler wants to burn the antlers, get rid of them, so he doesn't have to fight them anymore. Clancy wants to hang them up on a wall, as a trophy, use them at will.

"You made me betray them!", Tyler sobs, before he presses his eyes shut. His hands formed into fists, ready to hit his own head to get rid of this other him, but Clancy stops him.

"We don't need them", Clancy argues opening the fists again.

"You do need us and that's okay", Josh affirms as he sits down on the floor as well and grabs both of Tyler's shaking, black hands, "we are all one. We're your people, it takes more than this to push us away"

"This is not who i want to be", Tyler's eyes drift to his right hand, the one with Nico's blood. Killing someone with the antlers energy is one thing, but Clancy brutally stabbed Nico. That wasn't the plan. That was cruel.

Clancy doesn't see it that way, he sees it as a necessity. The Bishops have killed thousands of people indirectly over the years of their reign. Hurt Tyler in any imaginable way possible. This was, if anything, merciful.

"You've destroyed them. You don't have to become them. You can do better, we must do better. That's why we're here. To bring a better future to Dema", Josh's voice reaches Tyler deeper than Clancy's.

Of course it does.

It's Josh.

It's his soulmate.

"I'm so sorry", Tyler frees his hands from the projection, he looks up at the man that he's been dreaming about for a decade now, "I want to do better, for my people, but I've failed"

Josh shakes his head, a small smile on his lips, "you haven't failed us. You did what you needed to do and now's the time to let go"

Almost automatically Tyler's gaze is redirected to the antlers once more. The symbol of his powers. A part of his gift from Trench.

Clancy yearns for them.

He would never let them go.

Never let Tyler destroy them.

Which means that Tyler needs to let go of Clancy first. The imaginary border between him and his trauma. Clancy was Tyler's way of coping, his way of pretending to be someone else that doesn't have weaknesses, someone without the trauma, someone better.

But today Tyler needs to be that someone 'better'. He needs to accept who he is, all of it. Both the good and the bad. Everything that has ever caused him happiness and sorrow, peace and pain, love and hate.

It feels impossible.

What if he can't do this? What if this is too hard?

"I don't know how to do this", the tears continue to stream down his face, his blood-covered hand grips the material of his jacket right above his heart, "it hurts too much"

"You can heal, you can do it. You've done it before. You're strong", Fake-Josh assures him.

I'm strong, Tyler thinks. His hands still shake as he closes his eyes. His knees on the concrete start to ache, but he pushes reality aside for a moment.

Right now, at this moment, there are no more Bishops, there is no more tower, no more Josh, no abilities, no antlers, just Tyler.

Tyler breathes in.

It's just him. A bundle of everything he's ever experienced, a puzzle put together by time. He's creative, talented and ambitious.

Tyler breathes out.

He's also passionate about everything he does, a perfectionist, someone that likes to plan everything down to the smallest detail.

Tyler breathes in again.

But he's also anxious and depressed at times. Sometimes he would like to hurt himself, hide, and forget about the world around him. Preferably disappear forever.

Another breath out.

But you're not alone, Trench tells him and Tyler hears it. Tyler isn't alone and he hasn't been for a long time. No matter where he goes, he's got the Banditos, he's got his friends. He's got Josh.

One last breath in.

He's got his people, and even when he's apart from them, he carries a piece of them inside his heart, and so do they.

When Tyler opens his eyes again, Josh's projection is gone, but so is Clancy, the paint and his ocean. It's just Tyler again, and that feels... peaceful.

With slow movements, Tyler gets back up on his feet. The dead bodies around him suddenly send a shiver down his spine. There's blood on his hands now, he can't change that, but he can change how he feels about it.

It doesn't feel good, it may feel righteous, but it's far from pleasing. Each of them only tried to fight themselves, which has now cost them their lives. It's sad and Tyler takes a moment to mourn the eight people he's never been able to know. The people that the Bishops once were.

"Sahlo Folina", he wishes them and unzips his jacket.

How can he possibly be a leader if he's barely been leading himself these days?

The black material slides off his shoulders silently. He folds it and places it into the middle of the room. On top of it, he places the antlers. At first he hesitates to pick them up, but once he realises that the urge to use them has fully dissolved, he dares to move them anyway.

"Thank you", he whispers to no one in particular, before he runs.

And oh, how he runs. Out of the tower, out of Keons district and far, far away from Dema.

Notes:

Only the Epilogue left. How are we feeling?

Chapter 14: Epilog

Tyler is laying on the ground. Not out of despair or lack of avolition, but out of enjoyment. The softness of the moss acts as a pillow, a protection from the uneven stone underneath. His brown eyes are reaching out to the blue sky above him.

Ever since the Bishops death about two months ago, he's been out here. In the untouched wilderness of Trench. Surrounded by nothing but nature.

Nature, in this new historical chapter, has come alive like never before. Every day it adds new colour to its picture. With every sunrise, Tyler finds himself filled with anticipation: will he discover a new bird, a new plant, or flower he’s never seen before?

Sometimes he imagines the sun to be different too. It's been brighter, warmer and perhaps more yellow than ever these days. At least to him.

There's a burned down camp fire next to him, a small bundle of sticks and cotton he's been regularly collecting (some may call it 'stealing') from camps of travelers he finds further south. He's been doing trips back closer to civilization every now and then, to check in with Dema, at least from a distance, and to make sure the people are managing without him.

The fire itself has been out for hours, only the leftovers are still producing the last bit of additional heat, but Tyler takes it all in, before he leaves for the day.

His days are filled with hikes and swimming in lakes he finds along the way. He eats what Trench provides him with, he sleeps wherever he happens to be. Sometimes he even gets the urge to write down little poems in the notebook he's been carrying around too. One of the few possessions he has these days.

Most of his things are being stored in a little red backpack he found weeks ago. It's old, has holes, but it does what it was made to do. Inside of it are only necessities, among those are the little notebook and a pen.

Tyler doesn't keep the poems, he either burns them with his nightly fires or rips them to shreds and scatters them over the cliffs by the ocean. One day he'll keep one, he's sure of it. For now though, he likes the fact that he doesn't have to hold on to them. The fragments of these past years need to be processed somehow, letting go of them in his little writings by getting rid of the paper afterwards, feels good.

It's quite lonely out here sometimes, Tyler thinks to himself as he watches a little group of birds fly by. He's got Trench and he enjoys the time by himself, although he wouldn't mind some company.

He could go back to Dema.

Could.

But would?

He doesn't know. He doesn't know exactly what the city has been up to these days. Do they still talk about him? Do they hate him? Miss him? Does anyone even remember him?

He hopes so, but wouldn't bet on it. He had been different for a while after having been gone for years. They were and will be fine without him either way.

So why go back and risk being hated? Incriminated for murder?

Tyler turns his head to his left, his campfire glooms next to the muddy spot he had been pocking with a stick last night. The mud still spells 'Josh ♡'.

Of course it does. Who or what else should be occupying his brain that late at night?

Every day Tyler makes up scenarios of what could be if he never left that tower. If he had just waited for someone to show up. For Josh or Mark. If he had stayed or even further, if he had waited for his escort to the tower instead of going behind their backs in the first place.

Is Josh mad at him? Disappointed?

Is he missing him too?

What is Josh's life like these days? Is he still Torchbearer? Is he leading the city the way Tyler would've done? Or did he retire in a little apartment like he's always been dreaming about? Painting the walls without Tyler? Living his life?

The scenarios never stop, Tyler can't help it.

The one thing he can help though is himself. So he gets up from the comfortable spot on the ground he slept on, and starts to pack his things.

Once he's sure to have gathered everything, both physically and mentally, he stomps on the warm leftovers of his fire and makes sure it's fully out, before he goes on his way for the day.

×××

It's later that same day, when Tyler discovers something peculiar in the sky. A vulture.

The landscapes out here stretch far, are being broken up by sharp mountains and cliffs. The few birds that live out here are big and colourful, but they're nothing compared to a vulture.

For some reason, it's the first one Tyler has seen in over eight weeks and just now, he realises, how he had secretly thought that they had all died or gone extinct alongside the Bishops.

Tyler cringes at the thought of the Bishops, they haven't occupied his mind in a while and he likes to keep it that way.

They don't control him anymore.

"What are you doing here?", he mumbles to himself, keeping his gaze lifted toward the sky as he follows the vulture on his path. He's been out here for so long, Tyler manages to follow the bird without falling over. His instincts direct him over stones, creeks and away from dangerous cliffs.

Eventually Tyler finds himself by a huge pond, its waterfall so far away, he can't even hear its deadly water drop.

The vulture lands by the edge of the water, drinks and spreads its wings without flying.

Maybe it's sunbathing?, Tyler tilts his head as he moves closer to the animal. Without food in his pocket, the creature shouldn't be caring about him.

The backpack on his back is rustling as Tyler hunches. He stops, adjusting to make sure he won't produce any loud noise that could scare it away.

Oh, ain't you beautiful, he thinks once he's close enough to count the individual feathers. The vulture's legs are white as snow, the coat of his wings thick and dark brown and upon closer look Tyler can tell it has a mark on his little pecker.

It almost reminds Tyler of the symbol he used to draw in his notes. Two stripes, one titled and another third in the middle to connect them.

The cracking of gravel on stone scares the vulture, letting it screech as Tyler turns around toward the source of that noise. He can't see anything, but he's learned that means nothing.

Tyler ducks behind a bigger rock, his left shoe splashing in the pond's water as his eyes scan the surroundings. There can't be anyone out here, right?

There's more noise coming closer, stone sliding over stone, pieces being crushed under paws or boots. Tyler holds his breath and... almost passes it out?

Is that Josh?

Tyler's suddenly very dizzy as he watches a man in black trousers and a grey, dirty hoodie emerge by the edge of the pond a little further down. He turns to his right, only to discover that the vulture is gone.

It's not in the sky either and Tyler wonders if he had only imagined it. Wouldn't be the first time he sees things that aren't there.

The man kneels by the water, his burning torch is being placed upright into the gravel. The gravel is soft and sturdy out here, if you push down deep enough it's able to hold heavier objects in place.

With the upright torch next to him, the stranger drinks water from his hand. His hair is dark brown, curly. There are yellow Bandito stripes on his shoulders that shine bright in the afternoon sun.

"I'll be damned", Tyler can't help but grin from ear to ear. The clothes, the torch, that curled nose that dips into the water as the man drinks.

That is Josh!

Right there!

Excitement takes over. Tyler has imagined and dreamed about Josh enough to know every last habit of his. How he moves, how he acts, and even how he drinks water from a pond.

Tyler swiftly rises onto his feet, both his shoes landing in the water as he runs towards him.

With every step he comes closer, Josh becomes more and more clear to him.

He's actually there!

Of course, Josh notices someone- or something- lunging towards him. At first he goes into a defensive stance, but as soon as his eyes adjust to the fast object, his mouth drops open.

"Tyler?!", he calls out just as Tyler reaches him, jumping into his arms and knocking the two of them over into the gravel.

Tyler clings onto Josh's body, hands dug deep into the hoodie, legs glued to his sides, "you're really here!"

Tears start to form in his eyes, as his mind allows him to believe that Josh is actually there. That he's able to touch him, hold him and hear his heart beat through the fabric by his ear.

"Tyler", Josh repeats with a shaking voice, his arms wrapped tightly around Tyler.

Together they lay in the gravel and for a while neither of them dare to move, taking in the moment as much as they can.

The sun is hot on Tyler's back, after all, it's still summer. It may come to an end soon, but the afternoon sun still heats up quite well.

"You're here", he whispers, pulling away from Josh's chest just enough to cup his face, their eyes meeting instantly, "you're really, really here"

"Yes, I'm really here! I've been looking for you for weeks", Josh replies with a crooked smile.

Tyler mirrors the expression and leans down to make their noses touch, "I love you, so much... a-and I'm so sorry... for everything. I shouldn't have left without a word about where I was going"

"No, no. It's okay. Don't apologise, I would've conquered the world for you, if I had to. I love you", Josh presses their lips together.

It may be real, but to Tyler it feels like a dream. The kiss, the moment, Josh. It's perfect.

"And you're sure you're not a projection?", he asks just to make sure, pocking Josh's cheek.

Josh laughs at that and pulls Tyler closer, "I'm real. As real as one can be"

×××

The walk back south is long. It takes the two over a week. Perhaps they would've been faster if it weren't for the many pit stops, but they couldn't help it. Besides the obvious breaks for sleep and food, they make sure to enjoy the scenery as much as possible, stopping whenever they feel like it.

Trench is beautiful. It's guiding them through the big creeks and long waterfall, by huge cliffs and ocean bays. Tyler tells Josh everything he has learnt about the land, about what happened in that tower and about himself, while Josh fills Tyler in over what Dema has been up to, what the ex-rebels have achieved and about Josh's new role among their people.

Despite now knowing that Dema is everything but angry at Clancy, Tyler is still hesitant about returning. He's been out here for so long, has wanted to conquer the continent every second during his captivity and he doesn't know if he could manage life inside a house again this soon.

A solid house.

Just like the tower of silence, his brain thinks and Tyler shivers at that.

"It's right on the edge towards east. You can almost see the ocean if it's clear", Josh explains, arms spread wide, "beyond the old city. It's remote and yet there's running water, electricity too"

"Sounds like everything you've ever dreamed of", Tyler tries to sound enthusiastic but he can't bring himself to.

Josh, of course, picks up on it and moves a little closer to Tyler, putting an arm around him, "it doesn't have to be permanent. But I would like to show you, it's really nice once you get used to it"

"I-It does sound nice, I'm not saying it doesn't", Tyler lets his head fall onto his boyfriend's shoulder, "I'm just worried I'm not ready yet"

"Do you think you'll ever feel ready?"

Tyler thinks for a moment, "maybe not, but that city reminds me of everything I hate. I'm coming to terms with who I am, I think, though that place is so much more than that"

Even though he doesn't say it, Josh knows that Tyler is referring to his life in Dema, his captivity and his forced life as a pop-star. Everything in that city will remind him of his dark past.

"I believe we should still give it a go. Maybe we'll start enjoy living there together, maybe we won't. We can always leave and I don't know, get a boat and see what's beyond the horizon", Josh shrugs, his hand rubbing Tyler's arm.

They're camping by the last ocean bay before Dema. They should be reaching the city by tomorrow evening. It's their last night out in the wild and originally Josh had wanted to explain the outline of their apartment, when Tyler started expressing doubts about returning to the city.

Right now, Tyler's face is dipped in orange as he stares into the flames of their camp fire, "I know. I guess I'm just nervous... scared too"

"That's okay, whatever it is that you're feeling, please don't forget I'm always going to be right there", Josh's free hand points to Tyler's chests, right above his heart, "always. That is a promise"

×××

Clancy

the stone reads and Tyler's stomach twists.

Yes, he let go of that part of him, allowing himself to be everything he wants and doesn't want to be. Coming to terms with who he is and who he could be.

But this is heavy.

A gravestone with your name. Well, technically not only his. Clancy, the original one, the one Tyler was never able to meet, yet had heard so much about, also carried that name. He also freed so, so many people by showing them what else there is.

In a way, his letters had inspired Tyler to break out of that old mindset of vialism too. Without him, Tyler wouldn't be here.

Though Tyler heavily doubts that this grave was put up solely for that Clancy. Perhaps for a mixture of them both. Either way a piece of him has died here.

Tyler's clinging to a bouquet of yellow and red flowers. The towers stretch far in front of him from behind the gravestone.

It feels wrong.

"We can leave if you want to", Josh affirms him from his left side.

It's nighttime. Tyler couldn't sleep and had asked Josh to take him here. Ever since their return about three days ago, Tyler's been barricaded into their bedroom. He didn't want to see the city, didn't want to talk to the citizens or his friends. He just wanted to sit in a corner, on the floor and cry his eyes out.

Tyler knows it's part of his healing journey after having been in denial of how burdensome his memories still were, while he was out in Trench.

Out there he got to know himself, allowed his mind and body to rest, recover and be happy. Be free of the burden, free from the Bishops. But back in here, back in Dema, he's reminded of how much he actually has to process.

Though at least, he gets to recover alongside Josh, who's been nothing less than the perfect partner. He cooks, cleans, cuddles Tyler for hours and tells him all the stories he has to distract Tyler until he dozes off at night.

Tyler will prevail, he's stronger than his mind. He's stronger than Clancy. It'll just take some time. And that's okay.

"No, it's fine. It's just-", Tyler sighs, "it's a lot. I'm sorry. All these letters..."

The gravestone itself and its surrounding area is plastered in letters and candles. Notes upon notes. Tyler can see the 'thank yous' even from afar. It almost feels like an altar, rather than a resting place.

He nervously twists and turns the bouquet between his fingers.

"It's hard for me too", Josh admits quietly.

"Hm?"

"After all this time out there fighting and planning. Adrenaline rush after adrenaline rush. So many people to mourn, so little I could do. I've always wanted this", Josh points to the towers, "I wanted them gone. I wanted vialism to end, and yet, all I could do was watch people die. And then you came along, changed everything. We've rehearsed, trained and plotted this for so long. It feels... empty these days. My life that is. I've always had this bigger thing bound to happen and now that it did happen, I don't know what to do"

Tyler frowns, his bottom lip shaking, "I didn't know that this is how you feel about this"

"Don't get me wrong, I love what we have, I love you, but where do we go from here? This feels like the end of something, I didn't know could end. I don't even think I want it to. Is that bad? Does that make me a horrible person?"

"No, never. You could never be", Tyler moves the flowers to his right hand, his left one taking Josh's, squeezing it tightly, "I don't know what's next either. What I do know is that we're going to be doing it together. You and me"

Josh squeezes Tyler's hand back and repeats, "you and me"

They look at each other with admiration. Both of them in awe of what they've achieved, of how lucky they are to have each other, until Tyler gives Josh a final squeeze and lets go of his hand.

He steps forward, closer to the gravestone and places the flowers down.

This isn't the place where only Clancy died, Torchbearer died here too. Two warriors that now lay at rest.

Tomorrow the sun will rise. Dema will start another day in peace and freedom and the citizens will continue to thank you Clancy with their letters. It'll be part of their daily routine as they pass the towers.

Tomorrow Tyler will join Josh on a grocery run to grab some food and paint. They will have breakfast in one of the first cafés out in the eastern district and Josh will discover how much he hates eggs.

Tomorrow will come.

That is a promise.

Notes:

And that's a wrap! Thank you so much for reading :) I know there are better works out there, but i've enjoyed myself a lot with this story! Special thanks to V and Jinxlover for keeping me entertained with their comments, and to the boys for inspiring me to write more |-/

As i enjoy the world of Trench/Dema a lot, i wouldn't put it past me to write another story in this setting.
Until then: byeeee