“I swear that I’m doing my best” (Laurette)

by Marias_writing_corner

Summary:

John Laurens is a single dad after he and Martha got divorced and she went no-contact. He is called to Frances’ school because her teacher, Mr. Lafayette, wants to see what’s going on at home.

Lafayette is also a divorced dad with a son but a good relationship with his ex-wife. He wants to help John and they start to get closer.

But due to John’s personal issues, it’s not easy. That and the pressure from around them might jeopardize their relationship before it even begins.

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

“Driving down and it ain’t scary cuz I got the Virgin Mary sitting atop-“ John turned the radio of his car off. His hand gripped the steering wheel again as he drove down the road. It was 7pm on a Monday evening and he was driving to an elementary school to see Frances’ teacher for the first time ever.

Well, it wasn’t actually the first time. But when he and Martha were together she dealt with the school things so John could focus on work. And truth be told, John was never really that interested. He didn’t want to be married in the first place, he knew from day one it was wrong. But he had to do it for his family. So his father would care about him, give him a tiny bit of respect he’d never received from him.

John took a deep breath and bit the insides of his cheeks. He turned the car to the right, where the school was standing. Tonight was a stark reminder that no matter what he did, his father didn’t see him in the light he wanted him to. Last summer had proved it, Frances’ birth had proved it and even his marriage had proved it. What did he even want from John?
He parked the car. The school parking lot was empty except for a couple cars in the space reserved for teachers. No surprise there, no sane person stays at school for this long. John sat in his seat for a minute, contemplating everything to himself before he stepped out.

John was let inside after he told his name to the person guarding the doors. He walked down the long hallways, looking at all the lockers, pictures on the walls and classrooms. The younger students studied on the first floor and Frances’ classroom was at the very end of the hallway. It was easy to recognize as it was the only room with lights on and the door was slightly open. John gathered himself and peeked into the room.

There was a tall, lanky man standing at the front of the room. His hair was in a loose bun, some hairs sticking out here and there. He wore a white shirt that was tugged neatly into his pants. He was focused on writing something on the whiteboard but quickly noticed John come in. The man gave him a smile and put the markers down.
“Good evening, you must be Mr. Laurens? Take a seat and close the door, please. It was only open for you,” the man exclaimed as he sat in his seat again.

John hesitantly closed the door and sat at the nearest desk. The chair was way too small for him but he didn’t complain. “So…why was I called here again, Mr…” John squinted his eyes to see the name tag the man wore. Oh that was a long name. Way too long. “Uh…Lafayette?”
Lafayette smirked, nodding. “Just call me Gilbert.”
“That’s not your first name, isn’t it Marie? It says so on the tag—“
“It’s not. Trust me, you don’t wanna call me that.” Gilbert had a clear accent as he spoke. European, maybe French? His name seemed foreign too.

Then Gilbert stood up and brought a piece of paper in front of John.
John stared at it for a moment and looked up at Gilbert. “What is this?”
“A piece of paper.”
“Yeah I can see that, why did you give it to me?”
“Your daughter, Frances, wrote on it,” Gilbert started explaining. “You see, I do this exercise every year after summer break that kids can write for fifteen minutes about their summer. And I read them when the kids do their work. I was worried about what Frances had written.” He turned the paper over. There was a long paragraph of text with a couple stick figures at the bottom of the paper. “She said her parents got divorced and…it feels like not everything is okay at home.”
Suddenly the chair felt even more uncomfortable than before. John felt like he was suffocating in the classroom and he wanted to get out. This was not what he wanted to talk about, not now. Not ever. “What are you…it’s…fuck,” he groaned.
“Please. This is for my student’s and your child’s wellbeing,” Gilbert said.

John lowered his gaze, not wanting to look at Gilbert and sighed. “Me and my ex-wife got divorced last summer. It was technically a mutual agreement although it happened suddenly. After our divorce she went no-contact with me and Frances,” he mumbled. The memories came flooding into his mind. The memories he had tried so hard to keep hidden so he didn’t have to face them. “Damn it…and I was…already diagnosed with depression to begin with. But this made it worse. And I didn’t even like the woman.”
Gilbert was quiet the whole time John talked. He felt his brown eyes stare into his soul and John could only wonder what he was thinking about. That he was pathetic? Maybe he saw right through him and thought he was disgusting like everyone else around him did.

Gilbert pulled out another chair, lowering himself to sit down. It looked like he was just as uncomfortable as John was, they seemed to be similar heights. “Okay. Well that’s not a good beginning for a marriage. How is your relationship with Frances?”
“Tsk I know. And…I don’t know. I don’t hate her obviously but…” John covered his face in shame. “It’s fucking hard, okay? I don’t know how to care for her when I never wanted this in the first place.”

“Listen, I’ve seen worse. I have been a teacher for a few years and trust me. There are worse circumstances a kid can come from,” Gilbert said, his voice soothing. He pointed at the stick figures on the paper. “Frances said this is you and her. I think she likes you despite everything.”
John grabbed the paper. He recognized the curly hair on the taller figure. Martha had blonde, straight hair. So this was definitely John himself. “Ah…”

“If you want—I don’t want to push but this is for you and Frances—I can help you seek some guidance. There are support groups for parents and kids who have divorced parents. I can hook you up with someone?” Gilbert suggested. “I do not know exactly how you feel but I am also divorced.”
“You are?”
“Oui. Er yes. Me and my wife divorced some months ago. Our situation is better as we still keep in contact but at first it feels bad. I also have a son with her, a couple years younger than Frances. This is not easy for anyone especially if someone goes no-contact. But that does not mean you can’t get help.”
John still didn’t look at Lafayette but he was warming up to him. Only a little bit though. “Okay.”
“Life can get better after divorce. I don’t know the reason for yours but if Martha doesn’t want to talk to you, it is better she’s gone. You don’t need negative energy in your life.” John heard some light joking in his tone. He scoffed softly and finally looked at Lafayette again.
“Damn right. I guess if…if you can…give me some suggestions for help. It’d be nice to have someone to talk to,” John said although knowing that opening up to a stranger would not be easy.

“Alright! That brings me to my second question,” Lafayette clapped his hands together and stood up again.
“Second question…? What more do you want?”
“I have noticed Frances needs some help with math. So does my son Georges. So I thought I could tutor them both. They could have weekly meetings and study together, maybe become friends! But that is only if you give permission to it,” he explained with excitement.
“Wait, what would these meetings be like?” John asked.
“Oh I needed to explain that too. Sorry, I was getting too excited—the kids can meet up at each other’s houses with all the parents present of course. That is why I need your permission. And then they can study with a tutor, in this case moi, while the parents make sure everything goes smoothly. I think it would be good for Frances especially in this situation. A friend would make everything easier.” Gilbert handed John a pamphlet that explained everything.
He skimmed through it. He wasn’t completely opposed to the idea…Frances needed friends. And Gilbert seemed nice enough. “Okay. I will ask Frances what she thinks and I will call you then, okay?”
Gilbert nodded. He grabbed a stick-it note and wrote his phone number on it with the name ‘Mr. Lafayette (not Marie)’. He chuckled. “There you go. I hope it works out, Mr. Laurens.”

John took the note and put it in his pocket as he stood up. “Just…call me John. And I hope so too.”
Gilbert smiled like a dork at that. “Okay. John.”

As John started making his way home, he started wondering what exactly he was getting himself into.

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

“So, how’s work, man?” Hercules asked as he sat down across the table from Lafayette. They were at a cafe to have some coffee together. Hercules had a coffee and a bagel with him.
Gilbert had ordered a chai latte and cake for himself. He took a sip, finger pointed up until he put the cup down. “Good. The start of the year is usually the easiest since we don’t have exams yet. And we get to meet new kids.”
Hercules nodded. “Yeah that’s cool. So nothin’ big has happened yet?”
“Actually, I met the dad of one of my kids. This was the second time I have seen him.”
“Really? How?”
“He wasn’t very involved in his kid’s life—school wise at least. But now he has to be so I met him. I wanted to talk to you about it actually,” Gilbert said and wondered what exactly he could say. “Something happened in their lives and I wanted to make sure everything was alright. Her parents got divorced. I know I know, is it really my business but…some kids don’t take divorce easily so I felt I should try to help,” he explained.

Hercules listened while eating his bagel. “That sounds rough. So how are you gonna help ‘em?”
“I’ve told you before but George needs help with his math. And so does the kid. So I will tutor them both and at the same time get to know them. Possibly give them support if they need it.” After that Gilbert began to eat his cake.
Since he met John, his mind had been on him basically all the time. Something about him just stuck with him for the past week. He wanted to meet him again but he didn’t have John’s phone number nor did he think it was appropriate to call him first.
“Do you think that’s okay?”
“Sure it is,” Hercules shrugged. He crossed his arms on the table and leaned forward. “I know whatever you do, you’re gonna give it your best. Like ya always do.” He grinned and patted Gilbert’s shoulder in a brotherly way.
The Frenchman smiled until his phone suddenly rang. He took it out of his pocket. It was a phone number he didn’t recognize but that meant it could be—
“Hello?” He blinked. The voice on the other end of the line was familiar and that made Gilbert smile wider. He nodded. “Yes? Mhm. Okay I will see you then. Bye.” Gilbert hung up and put his phone on the table, sighing happily. “It was John. He agreed!”

A few days later Gilbert found himself in his car with Georges in the backseat, driving to John’s place. This area wasn’t familiar for him but nonetheless, he was excited. And nervous. What if the kids didn’t get along or worse, he and John didn’t get along? Gilbert was just doing his job after all, this wasn’t the first time he was doing this. But this was the first time he was nervous. He watched the houses in the neighborhood. John had told him the exact address of course but also that his house was red. So he scanned the area for red houses until his car said “you have arrived at your destination!”
He parked the car next to an average looking house. There was a car in the yard and a trampoline too. It didn’t look like John was into gardening too much, there were some flowers and the grass had been cut but otherwise it was left as it was. Georges took his father’s hand as they approached the door.
“Papa? Is Mr Laurens nice?”
“Sure he is. You will like Frances a lot, she is a sweet girl,” Gilbert answered in French. He rang the doorbell. They took a step back and he examined himself from the small window on the door. He looked fine, nothing to worry about.

John came to open the door. He was wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. Compared to Gilbert, who wore a button down shirt and jeans, he didn’t look too put together. But something about that was charming to Gilbert.
“Hello, John. This is little Georges,” Gilbert put his hand on his son’s shoulder. The little boy waved shyly.
John nodded and moved out of the way. “Sup. Come in, Frances is waiting.”
They stepped into the house. It wasn’t anything special; the furniture looked basic with a couple photos and paintings hanging on the wall. John led them through the hallway to the dining room, where Frances was sitting with her books and papers. She smiled when she saw the guests.
“Hello Mr. Lafayette!”

Gilbert had always been fond of kids. That’s why he took up teaching in the first place because getting to see the kids grow and learn was an experience he treasured. “Hi Frances. Good, you have everything ready. This is Georges, my son.” He helped the boy get seated and then took a seat himself. John stayed standing up, awkwardly looking around but Gilbert asked him to sit down as well. He sat opposite of them.
As Gilbert lifted his gaze to look at John, his eyes caught a glimpse of a crucifix on the wall. He burrowed his eyebrows in surprise. He hadn’t imagined John to be the religious type but people can surprise you. After both kids had their books out, Gilbert cleared his throat.
“So I have explained the arrangement for you kids already. John, you can sit there and watch or you can do something else if you need to. As long as you stay in the house,” he explained. John shrugged with one shoulder.
“I can stay here.”

And so they began tutoring. Georges, being a couple years younger, needed help with different tasks than Frances did. But the girl was quick to show interest in helping Georges. Gilbert was pleased to see this and glanced at John to see how he was reacting. The freckled man was watching but his expression was difficult to read. It looked too neutral. Gilbert would have to try a little harder to get past that facade.
After they had gone over the first difficult things, Gilbert gave both the kids some exercises to do on their own. He stood up. “John, can we please talk?”
John blinked, as if he had been zoned out. He nodded, standing up and leading Lafayette to another room.
They were now standing in the living room. There was a tv, couch and bookshelves. There was a photo of Frances when she was a toddler and John in the background, smiling. But the smile didn’t reach his eyes. Gilbert put his hands on his hips. “How do you feel about this?”
“The tutoring? It’s cool I guess. It’s good that Frances gets the help she needs and Georges seems like a nice kid. They could become friends,” John answered. He kept looking away from Gilbert. “How often is this going to happen?”
“It’s usually once a week. It gives the kids time to focus on school as a whole and I don’t come to your house too often,” Gilbert chuckled. No laugh as a reply. He had to try harder. “Have you reached out for the help I told you about?”

“Um—no. Not yet. It’s the…I told you this is hard. Don’t you remember?” John crossed his arms.
“I do, oui. But I thought I would ask because this is the main thing I was worried about,” Gilbert tilted his head to the side a little. “Can I ask you about Martha? She didn’t seem too bad when I met her at school.”
John flinched slightly at the mention of Martha. He visibly hesitated before opening his mouth. “What do you want to know?”
“Why she went no-contact. If you are comfortable with telling me. I know we are not very close.”
John sighed. “Frances doesn’t know the whole truth. She’s too young to understand and frankly, I’d feel like a shit dad if I told her her mom hates her now,” he mumbled. “Basically what happened is that she found something about my past and…and that was it. We had a huge fight one night and I had to come clean about everything. Soon after we decided it was better to split up because staying together would’ve been bad for Frances. And I was left with her because Martha saw too much of me in her. Fucking bullshit if you ask me.”
That was…a lot. It left Gilbert speechless and kind of worried about what that thing from the past might be. But he had to know for Frances’ safety. “What is that thing from the past?”
John closed his eyes for a second. “I’m gay,” he whispered.

A wave of relief washed over Gilbert. “Oh! That is all? She left you because you’re gay?”
“Shh. I don’t wanna—“ John glanced towards the dining room. “I don’t wanna talk about it. But if you have to know, yeah. That’s why. Frances wouldn’t understand and honestly, I was never happy with Martha. I felt trapped if I’m completely honest.” He shut his mouth again. “I don’t wanna explain more.”
Gilbert nodded. “Of course. I respect your wishes, I wanted to know because like I said before, some kids come from worse backgrounds. Thank you for telling me.”
“You’re not gonna tell anyone else?”
Gilbert shook his head. “No. As long as Frances is safe, there is nothing to say about this. I’m sorry how you felt, by the way.” He touched John’s shoulder instinctively but pulled his hand back when John looked uncomfortable. He pushed his hands in his pockets. “If you need any support though, don’t be afraid to ask.”
John huffed. “Like you’re gay too?”
Gilbert nodded a little. “Not ‘gay’ but pansexual.”
“Oh shit,” John faced Gilbert now. His lips were slightly parted as he tried to form words. “Sorry?”
“For what?”
“Assuming? I’m so bad at this, oh my god.”
Gilbert shook his head, smiling cheekily. “It’s okay. You’re the first person ever to assume I’m straight though.”

Then Georges came into the room with Frances following suit. “Papa, I’m ready!”
Gilbert picked the small boy up. “Bon! What about you, Frances?”
“Yes, Mr. Lafayette! It wasn’t too hard,” the girl smiled.
“Well that means our time has come to an end. We will meet up again the same time next week?” Gilbert asked, mostly from John.
“Oh uh yeah. Sure,” John nodded. “I’ll text you if something comes up.”
“Perfect,” Gilbert smiled. He and Georges packed their stuff before leaving.

The day went well. Better than he had imagined because of the first impression he got from John. John seemed like a good man but just with conflicting feelings towards his daughter. Gilbert wanted to get deeper than just the surface, to know him better. And maybe in the up-coming weeks, he would.

Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Notes:

Loved writing this chapter, I hope it's fun for y'all too lol

For the next month the tutoring continued. Lafayette and Georges would come over once a week, Lafayette would teach the kids whatever they were doing that week and after that he left the kids alone. That’s when he and John would get to know each other better. It was hard for John to let the other man in and see him, but Lafayette was so…different. He was nice. And understanding. Even on John’s worse days when he had forced himself up from the bed. When he had barely gotten ready. But no matter what, Lafayette never expressed disgust or hate towards him.

One day they had sat in almost complete silence watching TV because John didn’t feel like talking. John stared at the screen, arms crossed over his chest. At some point he had looked over at Lafayette, thinking he would be dying of boredom but instead he still had that happy smile on his face. He felt flustered and had to ask how he was still like that.

“Like what?” Lafayette had asked.
“You…you’re still enjoying yourself,” John mumbled.
Lafayette shrugged and turned to face John. That day he had a couple braids in his hair but his hair was still in that usual bun. “Why wouldn’t I be? We don’t need to talk all the time and you feel bad. So if this is what you want, that is okay.”
That made John think for a moment. It was really okay? Martha had never understood him, which had led to many fights between them. But now there was a man in front of John who said it was okay. Words that John had needed really badly before. He didn’t know how to respond so kind of just scoffed and nodded. “Thanks.”

But John didn’t forget this. He didn’t forget a single moment he spent with Lafayette. Eventually he started looking forward to the tutoring because it meant they could spend time together. It had been too long since he had felt this way about someone.
Frances had noticed how happy Lafayette made John and every time the doorbell rang, she said how his boyfriend was coming. John ignored the girl, that was a stupid idea. He wouldn’t date Lafayette. Nor would Lafayette see him in that way because what was there to even see in him?

Now it was the middle of October. The air was getting chilly and the leaves on trees were turning colorful. John walked down a road lined with red, orange and yellow trees. It had rained earlier so the road was still wet. He wore a long coat and a beanie. He looked around and spotted a familiar apartment building. He made a sharp left turn, walking up a couple stairs and rang a doorbell. A few seconds went by before the door was opened and John was let into the stairwell. He walked to the third floor where an open door greeted him. “Hey!” John called out as he walked into the apartment.
“Hey! Sorry, I was still working,” Alexander’s voice replied from the living room. John chuckled, taking his shoes and coat off. He put the beanie in the sleeve of the coat and then came to the living room. He jumped on the couch next to Alexander. He ruffled his long hair.
“Why do you always work, dude? Take a break.”
Alexander pushed John’s hand away and closed his laptop. “Because that bitch Jefferson thinks he’s better than me! So I am doing my best to prove to Washington he shouldn’t choose Jefferson as a project manager. But I guess that can wait now that you’re here,” he smirked.
“Yeah don’t give Jefferson attention when I’m here,” John nudged Alex. The Caribbean man laughed and grabbed them beers from the fridge. “Here. Now tell me what’s new.” Alexander popped the cap, taking a long gulp.

John twiddled the bottle in his hands. “Eh…nothing new really. I mean work’s the usual and yeah,” he replied, vaguer than normally.
Alexander cocked an eyebrow. “Okay? Jack, where’s the enthusiasm, you know I wanna know everything. Unless you wanna hear everything Jefferson’s done this week…” he leaned in with a grin on his face.
“You’re such an asshole,” John rolled his eyes. He sighed, taking a sip of his beer. “Fine. I guess there’s one thing that’s…new.”
“Yeah? Tell me more.”
“Do you remember when I told you about Lafayette? Frances’ teacher who comes over every week?”
Alexander nodded. “Yeah, what about him?”
“We…I guess we’re friends now. He’s actually kinda cool and nice,” John shrugged, looking at his lap. His brain screamed to be more honest but he fought against it. He refused to acknowledge those feelings.
But unfortunately Hamilton wasn’t stupid. The grin on his face only grew after hearing this and he laid his head on John’s shoulder. “So what I’m hearing is that our Jack may have a crush~”

John’s face turned red in a panic. He shoved Alexander, almost spilling his beer. He took another sip to avoid answering. “No. I don’t do crushes anymore.”
“C’mon, you know that’s not how it works. You don’t choose what your heart desires,” Alexander continued, unfazed by the fact he almost fell off the couch. He put his bottle on the coffee table in front of the couch. He leaned closer to John. “You can be honest with me.”
“It’s just a waste of time to even think he’d like me. There’s nothing there,” John mumbled. “And he’s Frances’ teacher. That would be weird and he would probably be fired for this.”
“Jefferson and Madison basically make out in the break room at work,” Alexander pointed out. Then he pretended to throw up. “It’s what I have to endure at 8am every. Damn. Day. So you having a crush on this guy can’t be worse than that.”

But in John’s mind it could be. He didn’t remember the last time he liked someone who treated him like a human. Martha was fine until he found out she was pregnant. Then they had to be together and the downhill started. John still remembered it–he was at the bar to take his mind off of something. Martha was there with her friends and they began talking for some reason. They were both drunk off their minds and their night ended in John’s car’s backseat. Needless to say John regretted it soon.
But before her, there was Francis Kinloch. John’s college boyfriend. At first it was exciting because John was far away from his family and could experiment for the first time in his life. He met Francis at a college party, where they exchanged numbers.
“It can be worse than that, Alex. Remember Francis?”
The relationship was still clear as day in John’s mind. He thought he was loved until he started treating John like an easy fuck, never caring about his feelings. Always pushed him aside and eventually broke up with him. It took a toll on John. Alexander remembered it well as he had been the one helping him through it. After that John made a decision that relationships weren’t for him and he really had nothing to give anyone. Aside from his body at least.

“Francis happened years ago, Jack,” Alexander’s voice was soft. He put his arm around John’s shoulders, letting him rest his head on Alex’s shoulder. “And not every guy is gonna be like him. I know that doesn’t…help much I guess but it’s true. Besides, you’re a great guy. And no, don’t tell me you aren’t,” he added quickly after seeing John open his mouth to protest. He puckered his lips and shook his head.
“Okay and hypothetically if I asked him out and he used me for sex, what then?”
“Then he’s an ass. But then again, you won’t know until you try it. And you haven’t even given me a reason as to why he would do that. You keep praising him and how he’s so good to you,” Alexander pointed out.
That was actually a good point. John hated that. “Why do you have to be so fucking smart?”
“Because I’m great like that,” Alex laughed.
John looked at Alexander, sighing. “But even if I wanted to ask him out, I wouldn’t know what to do. I’m not..romantic or anything like that.”
The other man patted his back. “You can literally just go to a cafe, a bar or a restaurant…hell, go to the library if you wanna. First dates don’t have to be anything special. It just has to be something you both like. And if it doesn’t work out, then good. You didn’t waste too much money.”
John sat up straight again, scratching the back of his neck. “It’s easy for you to say…”
“Jack, trust me. It won’t hurt to try. But if it does hurt, don’t worry. I’m here.”
John knew Alexander meant it. He thought about it and eventually gave in. “Fine. I will text him and ask.”
Alexander smiled. “I’m proud of you, John.”

When John was walking home, he texted Lafayette. He rarely texted him first so he imagined the Frenchman was jumping up and down from joy. He seemed like the kind of guy who would actually do that.

[Hey so this might seem weird but I was thinking if you wanted to go to the bar next week. You said Georges is going to Adrienne’s, yeah?]

Lafayette replied quickly. Maybe he saved the jumping for after texting.

[Yes, he is. He asked if Frances could go with him actually.😆 But I’m down for drinks always. What’s the occasion?]

[I don’t know if it’s an occasion but like dress nice I guess.]

[Ominious, I like that. You’re an interesting guy, John. Dress your best for a normal bar night, no ulteriour motives at all…]

[What are you trying to get out of me with these messages?🙄]

[This feels like a date invitation. You wouldn’t care how I was dressed otherwise.]

[Fuck.]

[Hahah but I said yes!]

John froze in front of his door. He had to grip the door handle so his knees wouldn’t give up underneath him.

[Maybe I won’t be dressed at the end of it?] Lafayette added.

This man was going to the death of John.

[Lets just agree on a time and place first!]

[Of course, Laurens.🫡]

Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Notes:

Pulled up with a chapter double the length of the previous ones🫣 something possessed me to write more I guess lol
Anyways I hope it’s good :)

Lafayette stood in front of the mirror trying to choose which shirt he was going to wear. Currently he was rocking a baby blue button-down but it didn’t feel right. He sighed in frustration and glanced over at the pile of shirts next to him on the floor. Since John had asked him out—because let’s be real, this was a date—he had been stressed. Lafayette thought of himself as a fashionable guy, always putting effort in his looks whether by doing his hair or having neat clothes. He was definitely known at work for that. But right now, he was struggling to choose. Even though John had never flat out said this was a date, Lafayette had to admit as they’ve gotten closer these past weeks he himself had started to catch feelings. At first he tried to ignore them because it was unprofessional but now it seemed John may reciprocate these feelings. But he couldn’t be completely sure until they talked about it.
Lafayette threw the baby blue shirt on the pile and then took a navy blue one with white feather pattern all over it. He buttoned it up and stared at himself. This looked fine. Now the pants.
He settled on a pair of dark blue jeans. After that he sprayed on cologne and put his curls into a ponytail.

“Papa!” Georges’ voice yelled out. “I wanna leave!”
“Coming, mon cœur!” Lafayette responded and switched the lights off from the bedroom. He was taking Georges and Frances to Adrienne’s house for the weekend which meant he and John would all the time in the world to get to know each other. And possibly suffer a hangover in peace.
He grabbed Georges’ backpack and took his hand. “Are you excited to have a sleepover with Frances?”
Georges nodded excitedly. “Yeah! Mama said we can watch a movie and go to the park!”
“Oh that sounds wonderful, I bet you will have a lot of fun,” Lafayette smiled, leading the boy to the car. He was going to pick up Frances and John on the way and leave the kids at Adrienne’s house. That was the easiest way to do it. Then after the kids were at Adrienne’s, they’d have to leave the car and take a taxi or walk to the bar. They had to see how they felt.
After Georges had buckled himself in, Gilbert began to drive. By now, the route had become very familiar. In the beginning he struggled with remembering because John’s house was in a part of the city he rarely visited. Until now of course. Now there was something he craved to see every single week because of work but also because he wanted to see John. A smile creeped on his face, thinking about what may happen tonight.

John’s house stood in the distance, steady and familiar as always. Gilbert stopped the car on the road in front of it and peeped his head out of the window. “John, Frances! Are you excited?” he asked the girl as she booked it into the car, John following behind.
John and Gilbert’s eyes met for a second. John was wearing a dark green turtleneck jumper with cream colored pants. He wore a long coat over the shirt. Gilbert didn’t want to take his eyes off of him, he wanted to keep staring but he forced his gaze away and reached over to open the door for John. “Hi John.”
John climbed into the seat, nodding. “Hey. Frances has been talking about this nonstop, haven’t you?”
Frances giggled, nodding quickly. “Yeah! I wanted to tell mom but daddy said I can’t…but this is fun!” She hugged Georges, who hugged her back. Gilbert watched from the mirror, chuckling.
“You will have a great time together. Now let’s go so you can have that movie night today!” He pretended to press the gas really hard and the kids cheered. John stared at Gilbert with a dumbfounded expression on his face.
“How are you so good with kids?”
Gilbert shrugged. “It comes naturally I guess. Jealous?” He smirked.
John huffed and looked out of the window. “Not one bit.”

They dropped the kids off at Adrienne’s. This was the first time John met her. She didn’t seem too bad and she welcomed Frances to her house with open arms. The kids hugged their dads quickly before running into the house. Adrienne leaned closer to Lafayette, whispering in French; “So this is John?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
Adrienne’s expression softened, a smile appearing on her face. She held Gilbert’s hand for a moment. “Be good to him. You’re a good man, despite everything.”
Gilbert put his hand over Adrienne’s, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I promise.”
Then the lady pulled away. “Have fun you two,” she switched back to English, speaking to both of them now. John gave her an awkward smile. Gilbert knew he had some work to do to make him more comfortable but he was certain he could do it.

Soon they were back in the car. The bar was downtown but if they had gone straight from Lafayette’s house the drive wouldn’t have been too long. But with the stop at Adrienne’s, it became slightly longer.
By now the sun was starting to set, casting a beautiful orange hue over the city. It highlighted how far the autumn already was—orange, red and yellow leaves covering the streets. Some cafes had put up fairy lights in the windows. There was a warm feeling in the air even if the weather was chilly. For a second Gilbert could imagine taking John to one of the small cafes and having coffee with him on a Saturday morning. But that was not now. It was a Friday evening and they were going to the bar. He shook his head to forget the thought.
They finally arrived at the bar. “Have you been here before?” Gilbert asked and got out of the car.
“Uh in this one no. I like going out with friends but we don’t usually come here,” John replied as he got out as well.

It was a smaller bar but there were quite a bit of people hanging out. Some were smoking and some were just talking outside the bar. John had let Gilbert choose the bar they would go to since he was so bad at planning dates. And Gilbert didn’t mind at all. This was a queer friendly one, obviously. And it was downtown New York City. Could they have chosen anything else?
“You’ll like it. The first drink is on me,” Gilbert said. He led John inside. There was immediately a steep staircase leading to the actual bar area. They could already hear music.
“Oh no I asked you out. I should be the one offering,” John protested. Gilbert looked over his shoulder with a grin.
“If you insist. What a gentleman.”
“I—you keep teasing me!” John scoffed. They made it to the bar. Against all expectations, it was a clean bar. Or as clean as one can possibly be. Gilbert knew the kind of reputation dive bars had but this wasn’t one—it was just a smaller bar but stylish despite that. They walked up to the counter and John ordered them two beers. Gilbert sat on a stool, still with that same grin on his face.
“Would you know if I was teasing you?” He continued their previous conversation.
John sat down as well. “Of course I would.”
“How?”
“You have that…stupid smirk on your face. Means you’re teasing me.”
Gilbert giggled, nodding. “You’re right. Do you not enjoy that, John? Usually people say it makes me…hmm…charming.”
The bartender gave them the beers. John took it and snorted. “Charming? Okay teasing doesn’t make you charming.”
Gilbert popped the cork of the beer, taking a long sip. He crossed his legs. This was how he expected John to react. “Oh it doesn’t? I must have misunderstood it. So tell me John…” he leaned closer. “What *does* make me charming? There must be something.”

The other man went quiet at that. He was clearly flustered, eyes round and cheeks becoming redder by the second. “What?”
“I think your freckles are cute. Your eyes too. They’re a very pretty shade of green,” Gilbert continued knowing damn well what he was doing. He had a feeling John may have had a crush on him for a bit now but he was going to properly figure it out.
John furrowed his eyebrows and drank his beer. “You’re just saying that.”
Now it was Gilbert’s turn to be surprised. He did not think this would be this tough. “What do you mean?”
“You’re just saying that but you don’t actually mean it. Which I get, there really isn’t…much here to even enjoy,” John’s voice suddenly got somber and he didn’t look at Gilbert. It was like he was going back into his shell again after being out for a second.
Gilbert hesitated for a bit. “…what do you mean?”
John shrugged. “I just…no one has ever really liked what I had to give them. With Martha I married her out of necessity, because my family expected me to after getting her pregnant. I knew it wasn’t right for me but I had no choice. And before that…there was Francis. Who only took and never gave anything back and that was fucking bullshit-“ John shut his mouth, seemingly realizing how much he was saying.

The vibe between them had now become tense. These were things Gilbert had never heard, especially about Francis. John didn’t like opening up to him but now he was cracking.
“John…”
“Gilbert. I’m a difficult guy, okay? I don’t just let anyone see me because I think everyone is just the same. They always take but they never give anything back and…I’m used to that. That’s how my life has always been.” John drank his beer again. “I was never good enough for my father either. He had a lot of things against me but it only got worse after my…little brother died.” Then he went quiet.

That was a lot to process. Gilbert wasn’t sure what to say. Should he comfort John, sympathize with him? Tell him he’s good enough as he is? That was what he needed to do no matter what John thought. He needed this and Gilbert could see that. He wrapped an arm around John. “What happened with your brother then?” He whispered.
John surprisingly leaned on Gilbert. “He…I was home alone with him. He was playing upstairs and I was in the kitchen downstairs. I don’t know what exactly happened but he…he fell down the stairs. I think he slipped. I heard him yell and then loud thumping. I saw him hit the floor but it was too late.” John’s voice was quivering. Gilbert saw how glossy his eyes had gotten.
“Fuck…” John wiped his eyes. “I called my dad and he said it was my fault. He never truly let it go, saying I should’ve watched him better…that I’m fucking stupid for letting that happen…I didn’t let it happen though,” his voice finally broke. He covered his face, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Oh mon dieu…” Gilbert whispered. He pulled John into a tight hug and John actually hugged him back. “It wasn’t your fault, John. Your father should not say that.”
“Do you think I don’t know that? He’s always been that way, he doesn’t fucking understand…well anything. He makes our lives miserable and then wonders why we’re all so fucked up,” John hiccuped. He kept gripping Gilbert like his life depended on it.
Gilbert rubbed his back. “Listen John. These people do not deserve you at all. I’m so sorry you have been this unlucky but there are people who see more than a ‘failure’ or something they can use however they want.” He cupped John’s face. He wiped tears from his cheeks. “Look at you. You’re so handsome and I know you’re a good man. You don’t let people close because of your past right?”
John nodded.
“Mhm. I know it is not easy for you but I’m here. I want to treat how you deserve to be treated. How you’ve never been treated,” Gilbert continued. “You have a lot of potential, those people don’t matter. I want to show you what love is, how you should actually be treated.” The words left his mouth faster than he could think and soon he had put his feelings out for everyone to see.

They stared at each other in silence weighed down by the words just said. Gilbert reached for his beer and turned his face away from John to drink. Why did he say that, he spoke past his mouth now, John was probably disturbed by what he just said. Gilbert expected to be told off but instead—
“Are you serious?” Was all John asked. Disbelief coated his words.
Gilbert went quiet and nodded. “Yeah. I know it was probably eh…inappropriate to say but I like you a lot. And I know you have problems or er struggles but there are good things in this world too.”
John sipped his drink. He seemed to ponder Lafayette’s words, his gaze was focused and eyebrows furrowed. Gilbert could feel how his face was turning hotter and hotter by the second. Finally John put his empty bottle down and grabbed Gilbert’s hand.
“You’d do that?”
“Yeah of course. I do not lie.”
Something lit up in John’s eyes and his grip got tighter. Not so tight it hurt though. “Oh shit. Let’s leave this bar then.”
“You want to leave already? We’ve only had one beer each.”
“Yes I wanna leave. You can’t drive back if you’re drunk, y’know?” A bit of John’s southern accent sneaked in. Gilbert absolutely loved that. But he was also right. They had that car waiting outside.
“You’re right. Let’s go.”
John slapped the payment on the counter and the two left. By now the sun had completely set, the streetlights being the only thing lighting up the streets. John seemed determined in his steps, something Gilbert had never really seen before. He was finally able to crack that shell and see a peak of who John really was. And it was hot.
They got into the car. “So…are we on the…uh…”
“Same page?” John questioned with a smirk.
“Oui, same page about what happens next?”
Gilbert started driving. John leaned back on his seat and shrugged.
“That depends if the house is empty…”
Oh the newly found confidence John had was a weakness for Gilbert. He unconsciously pressed the gas more. “Yes. It is.”
“Then I guess we are.”

The car was parked on the driveway. Gilbert looked for keys in pocket while John leaned on the doorway, waiting. He found them and opened the door. As soon as they were both inside with the door closed, they had their arms around each other. Lafayette helped John’s coat off, letting it drop on the floor and they went to the bedroom. This was the first time John saw Gilbert’s home. It was a big house. The walls were white and decorated with all sorts of war things. Old ships in bottles, paintings, you name it. It was mostly French and American history.
His bedroom had a huge bed made of dark wood. The pile of clothes were still on the floor but John didn’t seem to notice at all. Gilbert pressed him against the wall and his lips hovered over John’s, away just enough for them to not touch. One hand was pressed against the wall while the other was on John’s hips.
John groaned. “Just kiss me, you asshole. You’re teasing.”
Gilbert chuckled. “Say please, John. Otherwise nothing will happen.”
“Hell no.”
“Okay, your choice…” Gilbert started pulling away but John grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him right back. John wrinkled his nose at the taller man.
“Please,” John hissed. “And if you make me do anything else I swear to God—“
John was silenced by Gilbert pressing his lips against his. His hand was still on John’s hip while they kissed. At first it was slow, almost careful. But once they got used to each other better, Gilbert deepened the kiss and started nibbling on John’s bottom lip. His hand sneaked to his belt and began to fiddle with it. John pulled away from the kiss with a soft gasp. “Gilbert?”
“Mm yeah?”
“I want you.”

And with that Gilbert was suddenly pushed onto the bed. John crawled on top of him, smirking down at him. “I hope you don’t mind this…”
Gilbert shook his head. “Not at all.” He pulled John into another kiss. John began to unbutton Gilbert’s shirt and kiss down his neck. Gilbert pressed his head into the pillows with a sigh.
“You know how much I’ve wanted you?” John whispered between kisses.
“I don’t know actually. You have been really quiet until now,” Gilbert whispered back sarcastically. For that he earned a bite on his shoulder.
“Shut up. If you’re sarcastic again I will punish you for that”, John warned. He threw Lafayette’s shirt on the floor and started taking his own shirt off.
“Ohh I didn’t know you were kinky like that. That’s hot,” Gilbert had a shit-eating grin on his face again. “C’mon John, what’s taking so long? I thought you wanted me.”
“I can’t fuck you with clothes on now can I?”
“So be faster because you’re torturing me right now,” Gilbert started unbuckling his pants but after John had taken his own shirt off, he pushed Lafayette’s hands off and did it himself. Soon they were both naked. Gilbert stared without a hint of shame at John’s body. He was toned, something he wouldn’t have guessed based on how he normally dressed. But holy fuck he was hot. “Well…I got lucky,” he chuckled.
John shook his head. His face had become visibly flushed again. He lowered himself so he started kissing on Lafayette’s stomach. “You’re a lot hotter than I am…”
“Non.”
“Yes,” John huffed and moved further down. He glanced at Gilbert. He started stroking him slowly, making the Frenchman whine. “Cat got your tongue, Gil?”
John kept stroking him *painfully* slow. He knew he was getting Gilbert’s nerves, getting him all worked up. “I want more than this,” Gilbert said between his teeth.
“Say please then.”
“Please.”

John stroked him faster, nodding. “Good boy.” Gilbert took in the praise. It was still so odd to see this side of John but he wasn’t complaining. He was happy he had gotten comfortable now after all the weeks of doing the tutoring. And it was so worth it. Lafayette threw his head back with some soft moans. He could see how John’s gaze was fixated on him, full of lust.
So they kept going. They got lost in the moment, the pleasure. But oh god did it feel nice to have John. It was amazing.
After they laid next to each other, both panting. Gilbert looked over at John and examined his side profile. The light from the streetlamps reflected on him, highlighting him in yellow light in the otherwise dark room. He moved closer to John, peppering a couple kisses on his neck. “You were great, John.”
John rolled his head to the side, meeting Gilbert’s eyes. He smiled softly at him. “Thanks. You were too.”
And for the rest of the night they stayed in bed, cuddling each other.