Chapter Text
Honestly, Buck blames every bad decision he’s ever made on his parents. If they just loved him right, the way he hopes he deserves, then he wouldn’t be putting himself in these sort of situations.
Situations like he’s currently in right now, where he’s telling his boss that he’s suing him.
If his parents loved him enough, then he wouldn’t feel this immense urge to fight with everything he’s got to get back to the family that does love him. Making him completely disregard the fact that his actions might change the way they view him in the process. He doesn’t notice that stipulation in this moment, judgment far too clouded with the need to be back with them.
The need to be worth something.
Because without being a firefighter, without his family, he isn’t sure he is.
Driving back home to his empty, lonely loft is pitiful, honestly. Buck feels like he’s drowning right now, like the tsunami waters haven’t quite found their way back to sea just yet, still surrounding him; still trying to pull him under.
But Buck is tough. He doesn’t go down without a fight, no matter how much he sometimes wants to just give in and see who was right about what when death comes for you. He doesn’t though. Instead he fights like hell to keep his head afloat in any way he can in whatever scenario he finds himself in.
This is no different.
He knows that if he just gives up, and accepts a life without firefighting, it would be the same as letting the waves take him under. He’ll be damned if he lets that happen when he finally found a life that feels worth living.
Right now, all Buck wants to do is call Eddie. It’s what he would be doing right now if it weren’t for his lawyer saying it was forbidden, or more accurately ‘strongly suggested’, for him to be in contact with the members of the 118 while the lawsuit was ongoing.
That was almost reason enough to stop the plan dead in its tracks. However, the bigger picture was more important. He could go a few weeks without talking to them if it meant that he’d get them back permanently in the end. No matter how difficult it’d be for him.
It’s been an incredibly rough year for him, especially these last few months. It was like he couldn’t seem to catch a damn break. Not long after accepting that his girlfriend was never coming back he walked in on his friend bleeding out after getting stabbed, only to find out his sister had been kidnapped by her horrible husband too. Buck wasn’t sure if he’d ever see her again, and that was one of the most horrific thoughts he’s had in his life.
Then when all was well for a while. A short while, because it wasn’t long before Buck found himself getting pinned underneath the 118 ladder truck. Which was without a doubt the most excruciating pain he’s ever felt in his life.
Not the initial impact, no. Rather the way his whole leg felt like it was simultaneously on fire and being torn apart as the heavy vehicle was repeatedly attempted to be lifted off of him. The only thing that helped him get through that was the grounding feeling of Eddie’s tight grip on his hand as several strangers and firefighters alike finally lifted the truck enough for him to be pulled out from underneath.
There were moments there where Buck wished he’d just slip away so the pain would stop. Though Eddie whispering to him to hold on just a little while longer, that he’d be okay, kept him from letting that happen.
Of course it didn’t end there.
No. Buck went through multiple surgeries, and months of rehab to make sure he’d pass the recertification test to get back to his family. It went great in the end! He even set the record in the process, and he was genuinely proud of himself at that moment. Months of hard work finally paid off.
But then a pulmonary embolism stopped his progress dead in its tracks.
Bobby had put a stop to him coming back, because of what? Buck still isn’t entirely sure. He’s been medically cleared and passed the recertification with flying colours, so why would he not let him back?
The fact that it was Bobby holding him back was something Buck didn’t know at first. He just assumed it had something to do with the higher-ups. So when he found out, he was pissed. Rightfully so, he thinks.
Then, because why the fuck not, after the bombing and the pulmonary embolism he gets caught in a tsunami with Eddie’s kid, Chris. A kid he loves with his whole heart. So when he lost him amongst the waves and murky water, he felt somehow worse than he did laying on the ground with a ladder truck crushing his leg.
Turns out, thinking you’ve lost your best friend's child feels like the end of the world. He can’t even imagine how Eddie felt for those few moments when neither of them knew that Chris was safe.
Honestly, Buck feels eternally grateful that he gets to know such an amazing kid; that Eddie trusts him with him the way he does. Even after losing him in the tsunami. He just dropped him back off the next day like it wasn’t the only thing keeping Buck afloat after the horribleness of the day before.
Buck doesn’t think he deserves it, but promises he won’t take it for granted.
It’s crazy how only knowing someone for a year means nothing when they have such a permanent spot on your heart. Eddie and him may not have been lifelong friends up until that point. That didn’t matter though. Not when Buck just knew that from the day of the bomb in that guy's leg, when they promised to have each other's back, that they’d be in each other’s lives for the rest of the time they had.
It was reassuring for Buck to think about.
That thought is what gets him through putting his phone down when Eddie’s contact is displayed on his screen. It’s only temporary. When this is all over, they can go back to how things were before. Everything will be okay.
He’s looking forward to it.
It’s late right now, and he should probably be getting some sleep. But it’s not like he has a job he has to get to in the morning. Plus, his mind is running all over the place right now. So he doesn’t get changed and crawl into bed like he should. Instead he settles onto his couch and puts on his comfort movie, the one Maddie used to put on whenever he was sad as a kid.
It’s funny how he’s spent more nights sleeping on this couch since he moved in than he has in his bed. Maybe getting a loft was a bad idea. Getting up those stairs when he’s as bone tired as he was last night after the movie ended, or when he was still in his cast, was a difficult feat.
Being young can only help so much in stopping the aches that form in his back, and now leg too, from sleeping on the couch. When he stands his back cracks and he winces at the pain from moving into a new position. Plus, standing on his leg after a night of not letting it be stretched out on a comfortable bed means it’s causing him to limp as he moves to get himself a glass of water.
After downing the entire glass, Buck makes his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth. As his toothbrush is sitting in between his teeth, Buck grabs his painkillers from the the counter they’re currently residing on, knowing he’ll be needing those today. Afterwards he finishes his original task before spitting into the sink and making his way to the kitchen to throw something together for breakfast.
He wishes he had a plan for today, because then he’d feel like he had something to look forward to; to motivate him even in the slightest. Alas, he doesn’t. Would it be a horrible idea to just waste it away lying in bed? If it weren’t for the memory of Eddie ripping the blanket off of him and telling him to stop feeling sorry for himself, then maybe that’s what he would do.
Instead, he decides he should do something at least mildly productive. So, after he finishes breakfast, which was nothing more than eggs and toast due to his increasingly empty fridge and cupboards, he decides to do something about that.
So, getting dressed and grabbing his keys, Buck makes his way to his jeep to do a grocery run.
As Buck is walking around, he finds himself tossing a bunch of food into his cart, mentally coming up with meals to make with them. However, after a few more items, Buck realizes that maybe he should be a little pickier about what he buys.
Right now he’s out of a job and has lawyer fees that he knows are going to rack up pretty soon. So maybe the off-brand bread and cereal will suffice. And maybe he doesn’t need steak.
He ends up swapping or removing most of the items he already had picked out, wanting to save his wallet as much as he can. However, once he’s done scanning all of the items at the self check-out, he’s still grimacing at the price. Why are groceries so damn expensive?
After seeing the amount, Buck puts his debit card away and taps his credit card instead, wanting to keep as much in his bank account as possible right now. He only has so much saved up. He doesn’t think it’d last long.
Maybe he should figure out a source of income in the meantime. Honestly, he isn’t sure how long a lawsuit usually takes. Maybe he should ask his lawyer.
Everything in his life right now just feels like a maybe. Like he’s living in some sort of weird limbo. It’s not something he’s particularly fond of. It reminds him of his years on the road, no real place to call home, no real connections or commitments to anything.
As he’s setting his groceries on his counter after arriving home, Buck feels his phone vibrate from his pocket. He pulls it out, seeing Maddie’s contact covering the screen. He’s dreading answering it, knowing what this is about, given the text that he received a few minutes ago from Chimney, a sarcastic nice going, Buckley.
There was a part of himself that knew he should have been the one to tell Maddie what he was planning to do. Except it wasn’t much of a plan, more so an impulsive action he’s currently partaking in. However, he couldn’t muster up the guts to hear her judging words.
It took everything in him to face Bobby and tell him himself, so any bravery he had went out the window as he stepped away from Bobby’s front door.
“Listen–” He didn’t bother with pleasantries, knowing that Maddie isn’t looking for any anyways.
“ Buck, what the hell were you thinking! ” Maddie immediately scolds into the phone, not letting him get more than one word in. “ You weren’t, that’s what. ”
“Mads–”
“ No. Buck, this is too far. I know how much you loved being a firefighter, but it’s not everything. You’ll be burning your relationship with Bobby by following through with this, ” Maddie continues, sounding frustrated.
Get in line, Buck thinks. He’s frustrated too.
Frustrated that Bobby thinks so lowly of him that he thinks he’s incapable of doing his job now that he’s on blood thinners. Frustrated that no one will back him up on this, other than his skeevy lawyer, and Buck knows it’s only because he’s paying him. He’s frustrated because everyone seems to think he’s in the wrong for wanting to get back to work, for wanting to be back home with his family.
Do they not want him back? Is that why it was so easy to replace him while he was gone? Because they were happy to have someone that’s not him?
Buck shakes his head, trying to clear his thoughts. He doubts that’s true. They mean the whole world to him, but surely he means at least something to them too. Right?
“If I don’t do this, Maddie, then I’d be burning my relationships with all of them anyways. They’ve already stopped bothering with me before I started the lawsuit. There’s no way they’d keep me around if I didn’t work with them anymore,” Buck attempts to explain, wanting nothing more than for his sister to understand where he’s coming from, to be on his side. They’re usually a united front. Why does this have to be different?
He hears a soft sigh come from the other end of the line. “ You have to know that’s not true. ”
“Isn’t it?”
“ Buck. ”
“No, really, Maddie. I can’t even remember the last time Hen or Chimney messaged me outside of the work group chat. Hell, even Bobby stopped checking in much. Eddie has been around, yeah. Just less. Like the rest of them. The more time that passes when I’m not at work, the more they distance themselves,” Buck tells her. “I don’t think it’s on purpose. They’re not at fault, they’re busy. But it’s only a matter of time before I’m just someone they used to work with. I can’t be that to them.”
“You won’t be, ” Maddie assures, voice soft and comforting, then adds, “ Unless you follow through with this. ”
Buck lets out a scoff. Of course she wouldn’t see his side. She’s been team find a new job since the accident. There’s a part of himself that understands that she’s just worried about him. It is a dangerous job. But a job he can not live without. That’s the part she doesn’t seem to get.
“I–” There’s a knock on the door, interrupting his response. “I have to go. Someone is at my door.” Then he hangs up, not bothering to say, talk to you later , because right now he’s tired of nobody seeming to really hear him out.
With the call now over, Buck slips his phone into his back pocket as he makes his way to his door to see whoever is now knocking for a second time. He’s not sure who it could be, considering the fact that most of the people he knows in LA are barred from speaking to him right now.
Pulling the door open, he’s greeted by a kind looking woman. Older, maybe her early sixties with grey hair that’s up in a bun. And before he can ask who she is, she introduces herself.
“Hello, I’m Elaine Warren with Social services. Are you–” She looks down at a file in her hands. “Evan Buckley, by chance?”
Why on earth would social services be looking for him?
“Uh… Yeah, why?” He gives her a hesitant, unsure look, and she just smiles warmly at him.
“May I come in?” She asks, gesturing towards Buck’s kitchen. Buck is half convinced this woman doesn’t actually work with social services and is planning on– He doesn’t know what exactly. He’s just confused. And concerned. Confused and concerned.
Still, he agrees.
When they make their way inside, Buck does the polite thing and offers her some water. She declines just as politely.
“So… Why are you here?” He asks again.
“I’m here in regards to a Marina Buckley,” she informs, and Buck is no more clued in by that information. As far as he’s aware he doesn’t know a Marina Buckley. Although he never really knew any of his extended family, so it could be one of them.
“Uh… Who?”
“She’s listed here as your biological daughter, Mr. Buckley,” she says before continuing talking. However, Buck doesn’t hear another word that comes out of her mouth after that.
Daughter?
He has a–
No, this can’t be right. “Are you sure you’ve got the right information? Because I think I’d know if I had a daughter.”
Surely he would, right? Then he thinks about how he spent the last few years sleeping with anyone who would give him the time of day, and figures maybe it’s a miracle that this is the first time he’s in this predicament. Although, he is usually very careful when it comes to sex.
“I understand this may come as a shock, but with her mother’s passing, we’re looking to hopefully place her with family before resorting to the foster system,” she explains, and that snaps Buck into immediate dad mode that he had no idea he had.
“No! No. If she’s really my daughter, I will not let her go through the foster system,” he declares with immediate certainty. He’s never heard great things about being tossed around the foster system, and if she really is his daughter, he’d be damned if he lets her go through that. “I just… How sure are you that– Wait, you mentioned her mother? What happened? What’s her mother’s name?”
There’s about a million and one questions on his mind right now, but he does his best to narrow it down.
“Her mothers name was Amelia Reyes. Unfortunately, she passed away about a week ago in a car accident,” the social worker explains, and that breaks Buck’s heart a little. He does remember her, vaguely. They had a brief fling, but he remembers her being so sweet, curious, and so kind. He was quite intrigued by her carefree personality and bright eyes with a warm smile.
This little girl– Marina–could really be his. But that’d mean she’d have to be–
“How old is Marina?”
“Just under three,” is the answer, and that just about confirms it. The timeline would add up. He was with her mom just before he started at the fire academy, so if he does his math that could very well put him as the potential father. That, plus the fact that while he was the sleeping around type, she definitely was not.
“Can I– Is there a picture?”
The social worker then opens up the folder in her hands, placing it down onto Buck’s kitchen counter before pulling out a picture of the little girl. She’s smiling in the image, bright blue eyes staring right at the camera. Her brown curls are in messy pigtails, and she’s wearing a paint stained t-shirt.
If he had to guess, he’d guess that none of this is a lie. That little girl is his. He doesn’t have many pictures of him at that age, but from what he’s seen, he can see a resemblance for sure. Hell, at this point, he thinks he’d take her in anyways even if she wasn’t his, knowing how tough her life could be if she doesn’t have a stable home. All kids deserve to know they’re loved, and he can provide that for her, so why wouldn’t he?
“What’s the process then? To get her here,” he questions, not wanting his daughter to be left with strangers any longer than necessary. Even though he’s technically a stranger to her too, he supposes.
“There’s a few things we have to go over, but since she’s your biological child, there shouldn’t be any hiccups,” she informs, and Buck is relieved to hear that.
“Okay, good. I’m excited to meet her.”
Thirty minutes ago he didn’t know he had a daughter, and now he feels like a piece of his heart is missing in the shape of a nearly three year old girl.
After discussing things more, the social worker left with a promise to keep him updated with what’ll come next. She thinks that once he’s assessed to not be a danger to her, she’ll bring her home. To his place. Because this will be her new home. He will be her new home.
“Why did I think getting a loft would be a good idea?” He mutters to nobody but himself. It really has been no good for him since he’s gotten it.
First was the cast preventing him from getting to his own bed, and now he’s got no space for a toddler. Internally, he’s begging that it won’t cost him an arm and a leg to break his lease.
Now that he’s thinking about it… How is he supposed to afford to take care of her right now? He can barely afford what he needs for himself. Plus, she’s going to need a bunch of new stuff. It’s not like he just has a bunch of toddler items at his discretion at any given moment.
What has he gotten himself into?
This is just all the more reason why he has to win this lawsuit. He needs the job to have the type of financial security to raise a kid. Maybe this could change Bobby’s mind? Convince him to let him back for the sake of his daughter?
As he pulls up Bobby’s contact in his phone, Buck immediately doubts it. Yeah, there’s no way Bobby would magically agree that he was ready to come back just because he found out the consequences of not using a condom a few years later.
Instead he calls Maddie back, wanting her advice.
It takes a few rings before he hears his sister's voice. “Buck, I can’t right now. I’m with Chim, and I really don’t want to get in between you two. I’ll call you later, okay?” She’s speaking softly, so Buck can tell she’s frustrated with him, but not mad. He’ll take it.
“It’s fine,” Buck mutters. “Nothing important. Just wanted to apologize for hanging up on you earlier.” That wasn’t it at all, but Buck wanted an excuse.
She’ll probably call back later, and they’ll chat about whatever, but maybe right now isn’t the time to throw this information at her with everything else going on. He’d be asking her to keep it a secret from her boyfriend, and Buck doesn’t think that’s fair of him to do.
It might be some time before he even has Marina living with him anyways, so it isn’t emergent.
—
Some time really meant one night apparently, because the next morning as Buck was making himself breakfast he heard another knock on his door.
The second he opened it, he saw her. A small girl holding the social worker's hand, looking afraid and meek, a stuffed shark in her other hand.
“Hi.” He spoke softly as he greeted her. He’s in absolute awe of how adorable she is. His daughter is really standing in front of him, and he may not know much about her yet, but what he does know is that he loves her completely already.
There’s zero doubt in his mind that he’d ever let this girl feel the way his parents made him feel growing up. He’s going to do his absolute damn best to give her the world if he can, and if he can’t, he’ll just love her enough that it feels like he did.
“Everything checked out,” the social worker tells Buck, guiding the little girl inside. Then he passes Buck a duffle bag. “There’s not much in here, but it’s her belongings. I know it’s short notice, but we figured if it was not needed, we shouldn’t keep her away from you longer than necessary.”
“Yeah, no. That–That’s fine.”
Honestly, he isn’t sure what he’s meant to be doing right now. He feels awkward and stiff. Which is odd, because he’s usually so great with kids. Perhaps this has something to do with it being his kid that he knew nothing about until yesterday, and he wants to make a good first impression.
With the way she’s trying to hide behind the social worker, Buck isn’t sure he’s succeeding.
“Marina, this is your dad. He’ll be taking care of you from now on, okay?” Elaine introduces him to her. “I promise you’ll be happy here. And I’m sure if you try hard enough, you can convince him to make you some waffles for breakfast.”
That gets a small giggle out of Marina, and a fond smile from Buck at the sound.
“I, uh– I don't have a waffle maker– you know what? We can run to the store and get one!” Buck offers.
“You don't need to try so hard,” Elaine whispers to him. “I'm sure pancakes will work just fine. She'll love you in due time.”
Buck nods. He hopes that’s true, he really does. Now that he knows about his daughter, he wants nothing more than to love her like she deserves, and to give her the life he wishes he could have had growing up.
They part ways after she leaves Buck with a file containing Marina’s information, which included her medical records, birth certificate that definitely listed him as the father, and a few other assorted papers.
Turning back towards the shy little girl, Buck says, “So… Pancakes?”
With a small smile, she nods as she chews on the fin of her shark plushie.
“Here– How about I let you watch something while I cook?” Buck offers, and once he receives another head nod, he guides her to his couch. Lifting the remote, he asks, “What do you like to watch?”
Buck watches as she doesn’t answer, just chews on her bottom lip. So, he just puts on a children’s channel. It’s got the muppets on. She shakes her head.
“No?”
She shakes her head again.
“Okay…” He switches the channel. Once again she shakes her head, and he’s at a complete loss for what to put on. Then she holds up her shark and looks up at him with questioning eyes. “You want something with sharks?” Finally, she nods. “Okay. I can work with that.” Then a thought pops into his mind. “How about Finding Nemo? That has sharks in it!” She enthusiastically nods at that.
Searching up the movie on one of the many streaming sites he has to pay for, because of course everything he wants to watch is on something different, he presses play. Then he tells her that he’ll just be in the kitchen, and she’s welcome to come to him if she needs or wants anything.
Before he gets started on anything, Buck figures he should give Marina something to drink. Pulling out the orange juice, Buck goes to grab a glass, only to realize that he doesn’t have anything good for a two year old to drink out of.
A trip to the store is inevitable, that’s for sure.
He’ll make do in the meantime. He does have one plastic cup that he’s pretty sure he drunkenly stole from a bar one time, given how the bar’s name is decorated on the side and he doesn’t remember getting it. Just that one day he opened his cupboard and it was there.
After pouring the juice into the cup, filling it half-way with the hopes it decreases the chances of spills, he puts an unused paper straw that has been sitting on his counter for weeks inside. He then brings it over to Marina as she stares amusedly at the TV in front of her.
“I got you some orange juice,” he tells her. “Just be careful, okay?” She nods as she reaches out to take it from him.
“Thank you,” she mutters before taking a sip. It comes out sounding much more like ‘ dank oo’ than proper words, but Buck finds it endearing. He’s just happy to hear anything come out from her, having not spoken a single word up until this point.
“You’re welcome,” he replies with a smile, ruffling her hair a little. That gets a giggle out of her, and then Buck finally makes his way to the kitchen to start on the pancakes.
The plate of eggs he made for himself earlier is now sitting cold on the counter, but he has higher priorities right now. So he just pushes that plate out of his way, and pulls out a bowl to mix the ingredients in.
If he had everything he needed, he’d go all out and make them from scratch, but with his whittled down shopping list yesterday, he doesn’t. So box pancakes it is. Honestly, he doubts she’ll care, but he still feels bad about not being able to offer better.
Once he’s got a plate full of small pancakes for Marina, and a plate with now heated up eggs and a couple pancakes for himself, he brings them to the table. Looking at the seat where he put Marina’s plate, he realises that she might be too small to properly eat at the table.
Trying to come up with a quick fix, he decides to just put a couple pillows down, hoping that will raise her high enough to reach her plate.
Then he walks over to the couch where Marina is now using her shark plushie as a pillow, cup now spilling orange juice on the couch where it lays sideways next to her. “Hey, Marina, pancakes are ready.” She perks up at that, but when Buck pauses the movie she pouts and gives him an angry look. “You can finish it after.” He’s trying his best not to immediately give in and let her eat on the couch. “I promise.”
She then holds out her pinky, as if asking for reassurance. He grins as he hooks his pinky with hers.
That seems to make her believe him, because she nods and lets Buck pick her up so he can carry her over to the chair.
When she’s seated, she looks down and pats the pillow below her with curiosity. Then looks at the food in front of her with excitement. She goes to reach for a pancake with her hand, but Buck immediately stops her.
“Uh, wait…” He gently grabs her hand, and she just looks at him with curiosity. “Forks. Right. I’ll go grab some.”
He gets up, and thankfully finds a plastic fork from a time he ordered take out and they gave him extra utensils. It’s not ideal, but it’s better than a metal fork, he figures.
As he walks over to the table, he sees Marina patiently waiting for him. He’s amazed by her manners at such a young age.
“I’m going to cut your pancakes for you, okay?” She nods, and pulls his plate in front of himself to cut them all into bite size pieces. He’s sure there’s too much food on her plate, but he isn’t sure how much she normally eats. He can just toss whatever she doesn’t eat.
Once the plate is back in front of her, and Buck has poured some syrup on them, she doesn’t hesitate to pick up the fork and start eating. Buck watches in amusement, seeing syrup drip down her chin as she makes her way through her breakfast. Then once he’s convinced that she’s alright, he starts eating his own food.
By the time Marina is done with her food, the plate still half full, and she’s covered in syrup. There’s some around her mouth, chin, and nose. Then there’s the syrup that made its way onto her clothes, and of course the syrup that managed its way into her hair somehow.
Yeah, she needs a bath, Buck concludes.
“Okay, little one,” Buck says as he picks her up from the chair, probably getting syrup on himself now. “Let’s get you cleaned up so you can finish your movie. How does that sound?”
She nods with a small smile.
Putting her down on top of the toilet lid before he turns on the water, he waits for it to reach a good temperature. While he’s waiting for it to fill he picks Marina back up, not wanting to leave her alone by the tub while it has water in it. Then he searches for the dufflebag of her belongings, wanting to grab a new set of clothes for her.
It’s the first time he’s opening the bag, and he realizes that he’s going to desperately need to buy her a bunch of things as soon as possible. There’s not much more than a few sets of clothes, a few plushies, and some essentials.
Mentally he’s making a checklist of things he needs to do.
- Bathe Marina
- Finish watching Finding Nemo
- Go to the store to buy things she needs
- Figure out how the fuck he’s supposed to raise a daughter on his own without a job
That last one might be difficult. He feels incredibly lost at this moment, but he has no choice but to power through. So, with a new set of clothes in hand, Buck makes his way back to the bathroom with Marina still in his arms.
She seems content when he holds her. Each time she just rests her head against his shoulder and lets him bring her wherever he’s going. Buck is glad she feels at least comfortable enough with him for that. Now he just hopes he can get her to open up enough to start talking to him, because communicating with nods and head shakes can only go so far.
He’ll be patient though, because he understands that this must be terrifying for her.
When they get back to the bathroom, Marina looks at the tub with what Buck assumes is disappointment.
“Sorry, I don’t have any bubbles or toys just yet,” he apologises. “I promise I’ll get some today, okay? For your next bath.” She just nods, and lifts her arms up to tell Buck to help her get her clothes off for the bath.
When it comes to the pull-up, Buck sees that it’s full of pee, and she gives him a sheepish look.
“Hey, it’s okay. This is all new, and I’m practically a stranger to you. It must be scary, huh? It’s okay if you didn’t tell me you had to go potty. Just next time tell me and I’ll help you out, okay?” He’s trying his best to make her feel safe and comfortable, and it seems to work a little because she looks less like she’s trying to shrink in on herself.
“Otay,” she says, and Buck gives her a big smile before helping her into the tub, finding her mispronunciation cute. At first he just holds her high enough that only her feet are touching the water. “Is it too warm? Or too cold?” She shakes her head, and Buck gently rests her in the tub.
Almost immediately, she starts splashing around the water with her hands, getting Buck’s syrupy shirt wet. He doesn’t mind, knowing he has to change it anyways.
He doesn’t have any special kids shampoo or soap so he makes do with what he has. He’s extra careful to not get anything in her eyes, which he finds hard because she doesn’t sit very still in the water. But he gets it done, and when he goes to get her out of the tub, she pouts and shakes her head.
“The water is going to get cold,” he tells her. “Don’t you want to finish the movie?” That seems to make her hesitate. Still, she shakes her head and avoids Buck’s arms when he tries to get her out. “You really like the water, huh?” She smiles as she nods her head.
“Okay. Five more minutes,” he compromises. “Then movie, okay?” She looks at him like she’s thinking, then she nods. Good, because Buck is sure he would have a hard time not giving into her every demand if she really tried hard enough. He can’t let her know that though, then he’d be screwed.
After finally getting Marina out of the tub and dried off, Buck got her into some clean clothes, himself too, and carried her to the couch. That’s when he sees the orange juice spill that he forgot to clean up earlier.
Setting her down on the other end of the couch and resuming the movie, Buck then walks over to the kitchen, and grabs a cloth. He gets it mildly damp, and brings it back to the couch to clean up the mess. When he’s done wiping it, he feels that it’s still sticky, so he grabs some cleaning supplies to hopefully fix that.
“Sowwy,” Marina mumbles as she watches Buck clean.
“Oh, it’s okay, sweetie. I gave you that drink knowing that this would probably happen. I know you tried your best not to make a mess.” She nods at that. “So, it’s more than okay. Easy to clean. Look.” He pats down on the couch where it’s no longer sticky. “All clean.”
She smiles happily, and then turns her attention back to the TV. Buck puts away the cleaning supplies. Then pauses, and realises that he should move those away from the lower cabinets to keep them out of reach. So he pulls them all out and shoves them onto an upper shelf. Then he double checks that there’s nothing she could get into that could hurt her in the kitchen before checking both bathrooms. Once he deems it safe enough until he can properly baby proof the place, he finds himself settling on the couch next to Marina.
When he sits down, she moves over, and uses his thigh as a pillow. Buck melts at the sight. He loves this little girl more than anything. She already means the whole world to him. He makes a promise to her in his head at that moment. I will always try my best to be the dad you deserve. I may screw up from time to time, but I’ll always make up for it, because I love you. I will always love you, and I’ll always be here for you. I’d do anything for you, my sweet little Marina.
It makes him wonder how his parents could have ever looked at him when he was this small and not feel the way he feels for his daughter now. Was he really that unlovable? He hopes not. He hopes that it was just them. Though, he isn’t quite sure.
By the time the movie is over, Marina is asleep, still laying on Buck’s lap. He’s hesitant to move, but there’s things he needs to do, and while she’s sleeping is a good time to do them. So, carefully, he lifts her head, and replaces his leg with a pillow, and gets up.
The first thing he does is go through the file the social worker left him. The birth certificate is the first thing he inspects. He took a quick glance at it earlier, but now he’s really taking it in.
Marina Rose Buckley.
Buck thinks that’s a beautiful name. Probably not what he would have named her if it was his choice, but his choice would have been wrong. Her name is perfect for her. Especially given how much she loves water and sea creatures. He’s had her in his life for only a few hours and that much is already obvious. Her mom could clearly see into the future.
She was six pounds three ounces when she was born, apparently. Buck takes a glance at her and tries to imagine her that small. He wonders if somewhere out there there’s photos of her growing up until this point.
Maybe he can find a way to get in contact with Amelia’s sister. He met her briefly once. She seemed to like him, so hopefully she’d help him out. Though he isn’t too sure how he’d go about it, especially given that she’s probably grieving right now.
Marina is still quite young, and Buck wonders if she even has any sort of grasp on the fact that she won’t see her mom again. It breaks his heart knowing that she’s having to go through this sort of loss. She’s probably so confused by everything going on.
She’s a December baby, according to the birth certificate. December 6th, 2016. Which means she’s just shy of three months away from being three. He hates that he missed her first two birthdays, most of her first three years, but he swears that he’ll give her the best third birthday a girl could ever have.
He’ll do his best to make up for not being around until now, even if he had no idea she even existed. He hates that he didn’t, though he’s not sure he would have wound up being a firefighter if he did know about her, so he has conflicting thoughts. His daughter is more important to him than the job though. He knows that already. However, he wants both now that he can.
As long as he wins the lawsuit, that is.
Oh god, what is he going to do about childcare when he goes back to work?
That distracts him from the file in front of him. He moves to grab his laptop and settles at the counter as he researches LA childcare options. Given that he works twenty-four hour shifts, his options are less wide than he’d like.
He only gets so far into his research before he hears shuffling going on around the couch. Turning, he sees Marina turning around to get off the couch and make her way to him.
“Hey, little bug, sleep well?” Buck asks, voice soft. She nods and holds her arms up in a gesture that tells Buck she wants to be picked up. He does so happily.
“Play?” She asks, and Buck easily agrees.
“Yeah, we can play.” Then he looks around and realises he doesn’t really have anything for her to play with. “How does the park sound?” Her eyes open with excitement at that idea, and she nods happily.
Knowing there’s a playground not too far from where he lives, he figures he can just walk there with her, and when she gets tired he can easily carry her. Once she has shoes on and a jacket, Buck begins guiding her towards the elevator.
She makes it out the front door before she insists that Buck carry her. He happily does so.
When they arrive at the park, she immediately drags him over to the swings. Picking her up again, Buck gets her into one of the baby swings and gently pushes as she lets out adorable content giggles. But pretty soon she decides she wants to go on the slide, which she tells Buck by pointing at it repeatedly until he understands what she meant.
He’s worried about letting her go down on her own, so he offers to go down with her. She agrees and Buck sits down at the top of the slide and gets her settled on his lap. He makes sure to hold her legs in a way that won’t get them caught on the way down, because being a first responder means he knows the many ways going down a slide can result in injury. Once he deems it safe, they both go down together.
Marina proceeded to make him repeat that several more times before moving on to just sit on the grass field next to the playground. She starts pulling out small handfuls of grass and tossing them up in the air, watching with amazement as they spread apart and fall back down to the ground.
That goes on for a little while before she stops and starts patting her stomach as she looks over to Buck with questioning eyes.
“Are you hungry?” He guesses, and she nods in confirmation. “Okay. Let’s go home, and I’ll make you something to eat.”
She once again makes him carry her the entire way. Once again, he does so happily.
Yeah, he may not know how he’ll do it, but he’ll make it work. For her, he has to. But more importantly, he wants to.
Chapter 2
Summary:
Buck tries to get Marina settled in at home with him.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
So… Buck does not own a car seat.
That was found out, or more specifically, realized as he carried Marina down to his Jeep. Until then, it had completely slipped his mind. How is he supposed to go out shopping to buy a car seat without already owning one?
Thinking, Buck notes that a couple of his friends have kids. Perhaps one of them has one he can borrow? If they do, it might be expired at this point, but it’s better than nothing. Plus, it’d just be for one trip to the store.
Pulling out his phone, Buck is quick to call Eddie, knowing he’d help out in a heartbeat. However, after the call rings once he’s then immediately sent to voicemail. Bringing his phone away from his ear as Marina clutches to his other hand, Buck looks at it confused. That is, until he sees a message pop up from Eddie.
Eddie
We can’t talk, remember?
For a second, Buck really didn’t remember. Honestly, horrible timing for a surprise daughter to show up in his life. He could really use his best friend right now. Still, despite the lawyer's demand, Buck messages Eddie back. He really needs this car seat.
Buck
I just need to know if you still have a car seat I could borrow? (!)
Message not delivered
“Rude,” Buck huffs. “Did he seriously just block me?” Marina just shrugs at him as he talks. “Okay, here’s what we are going to do. We are going to uber to the store to buy a car seat. Then we’ll come back and install it. Then we’ll go out and buy you some stuff. How does that sound?”
It’s kind of an all over the place plan, but it’s the best he’s got right now. He doesn’t want to bother anyone else to ask for assistance. They’d probably decline anyways. He’s begging that this lawsuit doesn’t go on for too long. He needs his people. Especially right now.
Leaving the parking garage, Buck brings his daughter to the front entrance so that they can wait for the uber, one he had to specifically request to have a car seat. One that cost extra money. He’s really not looking forward to looking at his bank account after today.
After getting Marina all strapped in, Buck gets in on the other side of the car before the uber driver takes them to their destination. She was not even slightly fussy when it came to getting her into the car seat, which he’s grateful for. He knows some kids hate it and make it a challenge each time.
Once they arrive, Buck gives the driver a quick thanks before getting Marina back out of the vehicle and into the store.
Pretty much as soon as they were inside, Marina gets distracted and starts wandering off in a direction Buck was not intending to go in. He tries to steer her back towards the car seats, but she isn’t having it. She pouts and keeps trying to walk away.
“Marina, we have to buy a car seat. We can go check out the toys later, okay?” Buck explains, but she adamantly shakes her head no. “I won’t be able to get the toys home if we buy them now.” She shakes her head again, and Buck huffs out a frustrated breath. “Okay, if you promise to be good and let me pick out a car seat, I’ll buy you an extra toy when we come back later.”
She doesn’t know that he was already planning on buying several toys for her. However, his bribery works, and she follows him towards the car seats now.
While he alternates between googling best car seats, going over the price tags in store here, and asking an employee for their opinion, Marina keeps true to her promise. She doesn’t run off, just stands there patiently as Buck tries to find the safest option. If it weren’t so important he’d pick something cheaper, but he isn’t going to risk his daughter's safety for a few less dollars.
After going through the check out, Buck orders another uber to get them home. He then crouches down next to Marina and says, “Thank you for being so good in there, I know it took a while. You were very patient, and I appreciate it a lot. What kind of toy do you want?”
Looking up at him with an excited smile for a second, she then morphs her face into one that displays her thinking about her options. She then shrugs.
“That’s alright. We can see what they have before you decide,” Buck suggests, and she nods. Then she reaches up, wanting to be picked up. Of course he gives in. He’s missed out on nearly three years of holding her, so he’ll take advantage of her wanting him to now. Especially when he knows it’s only a matter of time before she thinks she’s too cool to be carried by her dad.
When the uber driver arrives, he seems displeased by Buck’s large box that he has to fit in the vehicle, but he doesn’t actually say anything. That of which Buck is grateful for. Listen, it’s not exactly like he had much of a choice.
There was a moment where Buck considered chilling at home for a while before making his way out again, because, quite frankly, this day has been a lot. However, there’s some things he needs today, and the stores will close at some point. So, he figures they should just get it over with.
Thankfully, because he’s a firefighter, he knows how to install car seats. So, it doesn’t take long for that to be dealt with. Marina just watched from the seat opposite the one he was working on while playing with her stuffed shark.
But pretty quickly they found themselves at a different store than before, picking out some new toys for Marina. He figures that if they do this part first, it’ll be easier to convince her to let him pick out the rest of the stuff he needs to get.
Almost every single toy she ends up picking out has something to do with the ocean. Buck decides he’s going to watch a bunch of ocean documentaries so he has some fun facts to tell her. For now he just sticks to the facts he already has on queue.
“Did you know that sharks existed before dinosaurs?” He asks her as he picks out some toddler friendly utensils, knowing that she probably doesn’t already know that. Buck gets to watch her face shift to amazement and curiosity at the fact. He’s not too sure how much she can grasp in terms of the concept of time, but she seems amused nonetheless.
“Wow,” she breathes out.
Buck gives her a smile and ruffles her hair. She giggles like she has every time Buck has done that. It’s why he keeps doing it. He likes the sound of her giggles.
They make their way throughout the store, Marina now sitting in the shopping cart because she was getting tired of walking. He tosses a bunch of items in the cart as they pass, just whatever he thinks would be helpful.
He makes sure to get things to baby proof the place, not wanting Marina to get hurt. Then, with Marina’s input, he tosses some clothes in too along with the plastic sippy cups and dishes that are on the bottom of the pile in the cart. More pull ups get thrown in, along with some food that Marina pointed to as they walked through each aisle.
By the time they get to the check out, the cart is completely full, and Buck is dreading the final price so much. Especially because he knows that this isn’t everything. More things will come to mind as the days go by, and the receipts will start piling.
Looking at Marina, he thinks to himself, you’re lucky I love you so much.
Then thinking about it, he hasn’t actually said that to her yet. He didn’t hear it much, or like almost ever, from his parents, and he’ll be damned if does the same to his kid.
“Hey, Marina.” She looks up at him from where she was picking at a sticker that was on the shopping cart handle. “I love you.”
With a smile, Buck watches as she leans over as much as she can to hug Buck. He steps closer, and wraps his arms around her. Then he leans down and kisses the top of her head before starting to unload items onto the conveyor belt now that there’s some space available past the divider the customer ahead put down.
He’s only had her in his life for a few hours, and he cannot imagine what life without her would be like anymore. It’s crazy to think about how in a blink of the eye your entire life can be changed. Sometimes it’s horrible like the ladder truck exploding and landing on him, but other times it brings you something like Marina.
When his total shows up, he bites his lip as he taps his credit card. Once he’s back at work, he can pay it off.
—
By the time dinner rolled around, Buck was exhausted. When they got home, he let Marina play with her new toys as he worked on baby proofing the place and putting everything he bought away. That was a task and a half. But at least now he’s not worried about her getting into any cabinets she shouldn’t be or falling down the stairs.
With everything the day brought, he had absolutely no energy to cook anything. Unfortunately, he had no choice, unless he wanted to order in and add more money to his increasing credit card debt. So he went with something simple. Spaghetti.
He should have known that’d require the second bath time of the day. God, having a child is exhausting, Buck thinks to himself. He’s found a brand new respect for single parents. Especially Eddie. How he’s managing to raise a child on his own with special needs, is beyond him. He’s incredible, Buck thinks. He’s been doing this for one day and he’s tired.
But every time he looks at her, Buck knows that everything is worth it. Absolutely anything to make that little girl happy. And in the moments when he sees her smile, it’s like he forgets he was tired in the first place.
“Alright, which pyjamas do you want to wear tonight?” Buck asks, holding up two sets of clothes. One is a matching blue set with colourful fish on it, the other is orange with seahorses. She points at the blue one. “Good choice, little bug! The blue matches your eyes.” She smiles and nods, holding her arms up as Buck starts dressing her.
Tomorrow he’ll have to start looking into the logistics of getting a new place, knowing this isn’t going to work out in the long run. But since he doesn’t have any other option for now, he get’s her settled on his bed, and tucks her in.
“Goodnight, Marina,” he says after giving her forehead a kiss. “I love you.”
As he starts walking away to go tidy up and maybe watch something before going to bed himself, she stops him.
“Story?” She asks, voice quiet, and when Buck looks at her, she’s using both hands to hold the blanket up to her chin.
“Of course,” he easily agrees, moving to sit beside her on the bed. He doesn’t have any books to read to her, but he’s confident that he can come up with something on the spot.
And he does. It’s not a particularly fascinating story, but you’d never know by the way she stares at him with such intrigue. He makes up a story about the fish in the sea that vaguely follows the plot of some super generic superhero movie. Spoiler alert: the hero fish saved all the other fish!
When he finishes reading, she hums contentedly, and pulls her shark stuffie close to her. Buck whispers that he loves her and to have sweet dreams, she then drifts off almost immediately. Buck leaves another kiss to her forehead before getting up.
As he’s opening up the gate at the top of his stairs, his phone starts ringing. He panic answers it to stop the sound before it wakes her back up.
“Shh… wait,” he whispers into the phone as he makes his way downstairs.
“ Buck ?” She’s whispering too, and Buck realizes that it made no sense to tell her to be quiet when Marina couldn’t hear her end of the call. “ What’s going on ?”
Still quiet, but not quite a whisper anymore, Buck says, “Sorry, I–” How does he explain this without saying sorry I didn’t want to wake up my daughter that you don’t know I now apparently have ? “I was just not… Uh, alone.”
“ Ew, Buck, I don’t need to know that ,” she mutters with disgust in her voice. “Is now a bad time ?” There’s hesitance in her words, almost like she doesn’t want to know the answer.
“That’s not–” If it gets her off of his trail, then maybe he’ll just let her continue thinking he was in the middle of a hookup. “Now is fine. I’ve got time.”
“ How was your day? Sorry I couldn’t really talk earlier ,” Maddie apologises.
Buck is quick to brush that off. “Don’t worry about it. I get it. My, uh– My day was actually pretty busy.”
“ Yeah? What’d you do? Did you think anymore about maybe dropping the lawsuit ?” She questions, and Buck lets out a sigh. He can’t drop the suit because he needs the job to provide for his daughter.
Not that he’d change his mind if she wasn’t here.
“Maddie, I’ve made my decision. I’m following through with it,” he says firmly.
“ Fine .” But she says it like she totally disagrees with him. But her leaving it be is enough for Buck. “ I’ll stop bringing it up. So how does an unemployed man who can’t talk to any of his friends have a busy day?” She says it teasingly, and Buck knows it’s just another way to bug him about the lawsuit, but he doesn’t take offence to it.
For a moment he considers it, telling Maddie about Marina, about everything that’s gone on these last two days. Then he decides against it. Though, he isn’t entirely sure why. Maybe he’s just feeling extra protective of Marina right now. Or maybe he’s just worried that Maddie will think he isn’t fit to raise her.
That would devastate him. Even if he doubts Maddie would say anything bad about him in that regard. She’d probably simply just support him. It’s just that he cares about her opinion more than anyone, and he doesn’t exactly have it all together right now. He’s jobless, without a proper support system due to the lawsuit, and racking up credit card debt. Not exactly the ideal dad by any means.
Is he already failing as a father? It’s been one day, and he already feels like he’s completely screwing this up.
“ Buck ?” He hears come from his phone.
Right. He was supposed to answer her.
“Oh… Uh, just a bunch of errands and such,” he vaguely replies. “Listen, I’ve got to go.” And before she could question him, he hangs up.
Then he makes his way upstairs to check that his daughter is safe and still sleeping. She is. Okay, maybe he’s not doing completely horrible. She’s doing alright. They made it through day one together. Just a lifetime more to go.
He’s terrified of screwing this up. All he wants is for Marina to be happy now that he knows she exists. He’s always been great with kids, and Marina does seem to like him well enough after one day, but being good with kids that he’s seeing for no more than moments at a time are not the same as being someone’s dad.
A dad.
He’s a fucking dad.
That’s insane. It feels like now that the day is winding down, everything is hitting him all at once, and he’s feeling overwhelmed. And overwhelmed might just be a major understatement. Normally this is where he’d call Eddie and tell him everything on his mind. Then Eddie would either tell it to him straight that he is screwing everything up, or reassure him that he’s doing just fine. Whatever he needed to hear.
But he can’t.
Eddie has blocked him apparently, and even if he hadn’t, Buck can’t call him because of the stupid lawsuit. A lawsuit that Buck wishes he didn’t have to pursue, but if Bobby is going to keep stopping him from letting him back, then he has no other choice.
It’s still a bit early. Earlier than he’d normally ever go to bed, but Buck doesn’t really feel like leaving his daughter alone right now. So he lays on his side of the bed and decides to scroll through his phone for a bit before he sleeps too.
When he does pull out his phone, he sees a few missed messages from Maddie.
Maddie
Is everything alright Buck?
I’m sorry I haven’t been supportive
I’m not going to lie and say I think it’s the right decision
But I do support you
And I want you to know you can talk to me about whatever
Even if it’s the lawsuit
Love you Buck
Reading over Maddie’s messages, a smile lands on Buck’s face. It’s been so nice having such an incredible sister over the years. He’s so glad that she’s back in his life and safe now that Doug is gone.
He isn’t going to bother her about the lawsuit, because he doesn’t want to make Maddie the middleman between Chimney and him. However, he does decide that at some point, probably soon, he will tell her about Marina. He just wants the two of them more settled before that point.
Buck
everything is good mads
just had something to do
thanks
i love you too
She hearts Buck’s message almost immediately, but doesn’t reply. He swaps apps to start scrolling through wikipedia to find some more fun facts to tell Marina tomorrow that he thinks she might like.
Then once his eyes start drooping, he plugs his phone in and goes to sleep.
—
When Buck wakes up with a startle it takes him a moment to figure out why. He’s half asleep, mind fuzzy with the switch to being awake. Then he hears a noise to his right, and it jolts him fully awake. The sound of his daughter crying next to him.
Sitting up, he carefully pulls her into his lap, holding her as she continues to scream and cry. The noise hurts to hear, but not because of the volume, but rather the fact that the distressed sounds coming from her are something he never ever wants to hear again.
He tries to gently rock her to calm her down. It does help some, he can tell that she’s not as panicked as she was when he first woke up.
“Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you. You’re okay,” he whispers assuringly as he holds her. She’s not screaming anymore, but she’s still sobbing. He kisses the top of her head.
“Mommy. I wan’ Mommy,” she cries out, and Buck’s heart breaks even more. He’d do anything right now to be able to give his little girl that, but he can’t. He isn’t even sure if he could explain that she isn’t coming back. Would she even understand it? Maybe, but definitely not in this state.
“Shh, it’s okay,” he repeats. And when she cries out for her mom again, he says, “I’m sorry I can’t get her for you. I would if I could. But I’m here. You’re safe. I’ve got you. You’re okay.”
As he continues with the soothing rocking motion as he holds her, he doesn’t stop whispering reassuring words until she starts to feel better.
It takes a little while, but eventually she does calm down, though the grip she has on Buck’s shirt doesn’t relax at all.
“Did you have a bad dream?” He asks softly. She nods her head in response, which Buck feels against his chest more so than sees. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. The dream can’t hurt you. You’re safe.”
They stay like that for a while, Marina clutching onto Buck’s shirt like her life depends on it, and Buck holding her like he wants to protect her from all of the dangers in the world, including her mind. Unfortunately there’s only so much he can do, but thankfully, Marina seems to think it’s enough right now, because she eventually relaxes.
When Buck can tell she’s starting to fall back asleep, Buck carefully moves to try and lay her down again. However, she immediately opened her eyes wide in panic, shaking her head.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. I’m just going to lay us down, okay?” He reassures, waiting for her to nod her head in response before moving again. “You can lay right here beside me, okay?” He pats the mattress right beside himself, and she quickly moves to lay in that spot, using Buck’s arm as a pillow. He’s sure his arm will be asleep by morning, but he doesn’t care, as long as she feels safe.
Reaching over, Buck grabs her shark stuffie, and passes it to her, which she clutches tightly, tucking it in between herself and Buck.
Laying there, Buck waits to make sure she’s back asleep before he gives in and lets sleep take over himself once again. He just hopes she doesn’t have another nightmare.
The morning comes, and Marina is up bright and early. There was no hesitation in her to wake Buck up too.
It was weird, waking up to his daughter climbing on him. He’s so used to just being alone in the mornings. It’s something he’d have to get used to, he supposes. Something he’d happily get used to. Sleeping in be damned.
“You want some breakfast?” Buck asks, seeing Marina’s eyes light up.
“Waffle!” She shouts excitedly.
Buck did buy a waffle maker yesterday, however… “Okay, bug, we had a sugary breakfast yesterday. We can’t have that every day. How about eggs?”
She pouts.
“Eggs, and I’ll let you have an extra five minutes in the bath with your new bath toys,” he offers in compromise. She nods immediately at that. Okay, good. That was easy enough. He’s just glad she likes something as easy to provide as that. “Okay. In the meantime while I cook, would you like to watch some tv?” She shakes her head. “Play with your toys?” She shakes her head again. “Draw?” Another head shake.
He’s at a loss.
He looks at her as he tries to come up with something for her to do. Maybe he can just bring her downstairs and figure it out from there.
Before he does that though, he brings her to the washroom to help her go to the bathroom, and to assist her with making sure she brushes her teeth properly.
Picking her up again, he settles her on his hip as he opens the baby gate at the top of the stairs, and brings her down to the living room. He sets her down on the couch, she just looks at him with questioning eyes, and Buck wishes he could read her mind.
She seems to get frustrated that he doesn’t read her mind, because she starts pouting.
“Can you give me a hint?” He asks, and she just looks at him confused. “Okay. I’ll give you your toys, and breakfast will be ready soon.” He pulls out a few toys giving them to her, but she just pouts again.
“Music!” She shouts, sounding annoyed.
“There’s no– Oh! You want to listen to music?” Buck asks, and finally she nods.
“Mommy p’ay music,” she tells him. “We dance.”
“You and your mommy used to listen to music and dance together?” He asks, thinking he understands what she’s saying.
“In mornin’” She says with a nod.
“Okay, yeah. We can do that too, if you want,” Buck agrees. If that’ll make her happy, he’ll give her that.
He’s not really much of a dancer, but he isn’t sure his two year old will care about his lack of skills. Especially not with how excited she looks at how he offered to dance with her.
So, he pulls out his phone, connects it to one of his speakers, and puts on a kid friendly song. Marina doesn’t hesitate to start dancing. Though it looks more like bobbing around offbeat as she walks around, but Buck can’t help but think it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen.
She walks up to him and starts tugging on his pant leg, and Buck takes that as his cue to start dancing too. He picks her up and starts swaying with the music. Then a memory comes to him. He remembers dancing with her mom in the morning one day. She said she liked starting the day on a happy note, so no matter how crappy she felt, she’d put on a song and dance.
Buck thought it was a little ridiculous at the time.
Right now though, he thinks he’ll carry on the tradition with his daughter, to give her a little piece of her mom. How could he not? When Marina looks like the happiest little girl on the planet right now? He’d love to start his mornings with seeing that smile.
When the song is over, Marina seems pretty content to just go and play with her toys. That leaves Buck the opportunity to make them both some eggs for breakfast.
Marina managed to not make a complete mess of herself with her food this time, but she was pretty insistent that Buck give her a bath anyways. He did promise her an extra five minutes after all.
So when the food has been eaten, and the dishes have been dealt with, Buck starts the bath for her. He now has bubbles that he can add, so he makes sure to put enough bubbles to make her happy. Apparently there wasn’t enough during last night's bath, according to Marina.
This time he thinks there’s too much, with how it’s overflowing out of the tub, that is.
With his best attempts, he gets rid of as many bubbles as he can until it seems like an appropriate amount. However, when he puts Marina in, she’s still practically completely covered in bubbles. She is more than fine with that though, and if she’s happy, Buck is happy. As long as he can see that she’s not drowning, he’s not worried about it.
Since Buck isn’t really worried about getting her clean, this bath time is more for her to have fun. So Buck lets her splash away, not caring that water is getting all over the floor, and all over himself too.
She’s making her rubber ducks race against each other and Buck doesn’t bother pointing out how if she’s holding both of them, then she controls the results. It’s fun watching her somehow be surprised when the green duck wins anyways.
And of course, because after only twenty-four hours of having her in his life, she already has him completely wrapped around her finger, he agrees to let the extra five minutes turn into ten.
Eventually though, the water starts getting cold, and Buck convinces her to get out.
When he’s picking an outfit for her, he says, “Let me guess… You want the shark shirt today?” She nods enthusiastically at that. He then helps her put it on, pairing it with a pair of soft black pants.
“Now what do you want to do today? Hmm?” He asks, trying to come up with something in his mind.
Marina just shrugs as she continues to play with her shark stuffie on Buck’s bed.
If Buck didn’t have a bunch of things he needed to figure out, he’d take her out somewhere, make a day of it. Right now though, he should probably work on figuring out their living situation first.
“How about I let you play downstairs while I work on some things, then in a bit we go to the park again?” Buck suggests, looking at her with a hopeful expression. She gives him the familiar nod back. “Okay. Let’s go.” He picks her up and carries her downstairs.
He makes sure she’s all set up with her toys, double checking that she seems happy. So before he goes and pulls out his laptop to message his landlord, he asks, “Are you all good? You don’t need anything? Juice? Snack?” She shakes her head.
“I good,” she replies as she plays with the toddler friendly building blocks Buck bought her yesterday.
“Okay, just let me know if you need anything,” Buck tells her before ruffling her hair, hearing her giggle, and making his way to grab his laptop.
The first thing he’s planning on doing is messaging his landlord to see how much it’d cost to break his lease, or potentially see if there’s a different unit he has available with two rooms.
He doesn’t have his landlord's email address memorized, so he has to search through old emails to find it. As soon as he does, he starts drafting an email. However, he’s only three words in before he feels a tugging sensation coming from his shirt. Turning around he sees Marina staring at him, hand clutching his shirt.
“I need potty,” she informs, and Buck puts on a smile as he starts guiding her to the bathroom. It’s the first time she’s actually told him. Thus far he’s just had to keep asking her or find out when he’s changing her.
He hopes it’s because she’s already getting more comfortable with him. He thinks she is. She’s still pretty quiet, not saying much, but she is speaking more than she did yesterday. He hardly got a few words out of her, but today he’s already gotten a few small sentences. He takes it as a win.
After helping her go to the bathroom, he brings her back to the living room. Then he goes and fills her sippy cup with some orange juice before giving it to her. When he’s done with that he finally gets around to writing the email to his landlord.
There’s no expectation to receive a reply right away. The couple times in the past that he’s needed to contact his landlord, it took several days for a reply. So, he pushes that to the back of his mind, and starts looking up two bedroom rentals.
It’s pretty quick that he realizes that he’s not sure how he’s meant to afford any of these places. Especially given the job situation right now. Would anyone even approve him to rent if he didn’t currently have a job?
Maybe he can just ask Maddie to co-sign again?
Sorry Maddie , he apologises internally.
Maybe he can copy Eddie and rent a house instead of an apartment?
Maybe this, maybe that. He wishes he just knew what to do, instead of guessing his way through everything right now. His daughter needs someone to have it all figured out for her, and yet, he is so far from that. Just a man stumbling his way through life one day at a time. Except now he has a daughter, so he can’t just live life with a let’s just see what today brings kind of mentality anymore.
When he gets overwhelmed with all the listings he can’t afford, he closes the laptop and announces, “Park time!” Which earns a cheer from Marina.
Buck feels much more relaxed playing at the park with Marina. Watching her giggle as she makes her way through the playground as Buck makes sure she doesn’t fall makes all his stressors seem to disappear temporarily.
So when she asks to go down the slide for what feels like the millionth time, Buck doesn’t get annoyed, instead he says, “Of course!” with a wide smile to match his daughter’s.
They end up spending a while outside. The weather is nice, and the area is surprisingly not too crowded, so it’s perfect. When Marina gets tired of the playground, she spends some time running around the grassy field before joining Buck to sit against a tree.
“Story?” She prompts, giving Buck pleading eyes.
He doesn’t make up a story this time. Instead he just spends some time telling her all about Eddie and Chris. She finds it amusing all the same. It just makes Buck realise how much he misses them already. Pushing that thought away, he keeps talking.
Noticing her getting sleepy, Buck picks her up and carries her home. Her head is resting on his shoulder as she struggles to keep her eyes open.
When they arrive, Buck sets the now sleeping girl in his arms on his bed. He kisses her forehead, then makes his way down stairs. Not before double checking the baby gate is securely closed though.
Surprisingly, when Buck opens his laptop again, there’s an email from his landlord in his inbox. He opens it.
It just reads, If you’d like to break your lease you’d have to either pay the next three months up front, or find a subletter to finish out your current lease. I cannot offer a different solution. Let me know what you decide.
Well… he most certainly cannot afford an extra three months rent to break the lease. But , finding a subletter is definitely a reasonable option. He feels relief at that. He can stay here until he finds a place and a subletter, then he’ll be free to move into a place more suited for what they’ll need.
Perfect!
Now he just needs to figure out how to find a subletter… and a place to live in his price range. Whatever, that’s a tomorrow problem, he decides.
Instead he pulls out some flour, wanting to make cookies for Marina for when she wakes up. He pulls up a recipe on his phone, deciding on a classic. Chocolate chip. Then gets to work, measuring, pouring, and mixing ingredients.
It doesn’t take long, but it does leave a mess of dishes to do, but he figures he can deal with that when they’re in the oven. So, after semi-carefully arranging the dough on a cookie sheet, Buck puts them in and sets a timer.
The dishes are finished pretty quickly, and he has a few minutes to spare before the cookies will be done, so he starts on lunch. For Marina, he decides to make her a grilled cheese sandwich with some veggies on the side. And as he was making it, it looked good, so he decides that’s what he’ll have too. He’ll just make extra for himself.
Finishing up plating the food and taking the cookies out of the oven, he goes upstairs to wake Marina. He doesn’t want her to sleep for too long, because he’d like if she had a pretty consistent sleep schedule. At least as much as he can help it.
“Hey, sleepy head,” he says as he watches her blink her eyes open. “Sleep well?”
She nods, then Buck watches as she scrunches her nose as she’s clearly smelling something. Marina looks up at him with questioning eyes.
“I’ve got lunch ready for you, and a little treat for after,” he explains, then picks her up when she reaches up.
He sits her down on the kitchen chair booster seat he bought yesterday that works a hell of a lot better than pillows. Then he brings her plate in front of her, and watches as she happily takes a bite of her food. Buck joins her at the table, making through his lunch too.
Marina eats the half sandwich that was on her plate, and all her carrots too, however she avoids the other vegetables. Buck doesn’t bother her about it though, because at least she ate some.
Over time he’ll figure out what foods she likes and doesn’t like. And from the way she’s looking at the cucumbers, Buck thinks that those are on the list of don’t like.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to eat those if you don’t want,” he tells her softly. “Are you still hungry?” She shakes her head, but Buck can see her staring at the cookies. So he gets up and grabs one for her. “Here.” He passes it to her, and watches as crumbs drop onto her shirt as she takes a bite.
“Yummy,” she hums before taking another bite.
Afterwards, they find themselves settled on the couch, watching another ocean themed movie. It was the only thing Marina would let him put on. He was happy to watch whatever though, because he was more interested in watching how fascinated she was by what was on the screen.
He somehow feels like he both has this somewhat handled, the whole having being a dad sprung on him thing, and like he’s so far from figuring out how to be her dad. Which all just makes him wish he could talk to Eddie about it. He thinks he’d get it.
Notes:
I haven't worked on this fic this week much, but I did manage to write two other fics so that's cool. I'll be posting those at some point. I am currently working on ch 12 of this tho and it's the first and maybe only Eddie pov chapter which is fun.
Anyways I wrote this chapter so long ago that I don't really remember what happens in it specifically but I hope you like it!! Next chapter next week and I'm pretty sure the first person to find out about Marina happens in it :)))
Chapter 3
Summary:
Buck has a meeting with his lawyer and Marina meets someone new.
Notes:
honestly, idk why i chose to post on friday's cuz it means i have to wake up early for work to do so but i've committed so...
enjoy your weekly dose of buck and marina :]
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It’s almost like his body predicted it, because not thirty seconds later, Buck heard the tell-tale signs that Marina was about to wake up from another nightmare. Right now she’s crying softly, but Buck knows that in a few moments it’ll escalate.
This is her sixth night with him, and her sixth night with a nightmare.
“Shh, it’s okay,” he whispers softly as he pulls her into his arms. “I’m here, I’ve got you.”
Thankfully, he must have woken her before the dream got too bad, because she’s just whimpering quietly, leaning against him. Every night when she wakes up in a panic, she gets a tight grip on Buck’s shirt, almost as if she’s afraid he’s going to leave. He would never.
These nightmares are really starting to worry him. The first couple of nights he just assumed it was because she was in an unfamiliar place, but now he’s thinking there’s more to it. However, since he’s not all that educated in children’s sleep habits, he doesn’t really know. Or what to do about it.
“Another bad dream?” Buck asks, voice hardly above a whisper. She nods against his chest. “You wanna tell me what happens in your dreams?”
He’s been asking her that each night after the first, wanting to see if there’s something he can do to help stop them from happening. Each night she shakes her head no. This night is no different. Though, maybe she just wants to be held in the moment, not discuss it.
Every morning she seems just fine, like nothing happened at night, but each night the nightmares still come. When morning arrives, Buck decides that he’s going to look into what he can do to help.
Maybe some sort of child psychologist could help. It might also be good to help her with some of the other stuff she’s going through too, like losing her mom and moving in with him. Plus, Buck still hasn’t really gotten her to start talking much more than she did on the second day, and he just wants to make sure there’s nothing more to it than her needing time to adjust.
For now though, he’s just going to focus on holding her and reassuring her that she’s okay.
“Do you want me to tell you a story?” Buck asks, knowing that a story usually is a quick way to distract her enough to calm her down. She nods, so he tells her about the time Maddie and him found a lost dog and tried to convince their parents to let them keep it. They didn’t but Maddie ended up finding the owner, and they were able to reunite the dog with its family.
She seems to like hearing about his family, and Buck wonders if it just has something to do with how happy he is to tell her about them.
“You feeling better?” He asks, giving her forehead a soft kiss. She nods. “Want to go back to sleep now?” There’s a moment where she seems hesitant, so Buck adds, “I’ll be right. I’m not going anywhere.” That gets a nod from her, and Buck sees her slip her eyes shut.
—
This is the first morning where he actually managed to wake up before Marina. She’s quite the morning person. Buck envies her ability to be wide awake at such an early hour. He’s not even that bad at waking up, given that he has trained his body to be able to get into firefighter mode at all times of the day and night. However, he still feels a little drained a couple hours later any time he wakes earlier than he wanted to.
Figuring she must just need the extra sleep, Buck leaves her be, using this time to shower and get ready for the day. It’s refreshing being able to start the day with a shower, because with Marina he just has to find the time when she’s napping usually. He’s just afraid to leave her out of his sight for too long, but he knows she is safe in his bed when she’s sleeping.
By the time he gets out he sees Marina awake and playing with her shark.
“Good morning, sweetie,” he greets, walking over to sit next to her on the bed. She passes him her shark, and he uses it to pretend the shark is going to attack her, which ends in him tickling her until she’s in a fit of giggles.
As much as he wants to just play with her all day, he has a meeting with his lawyer today, so he has to get her fed and ready before they have to head out. With that in mind, he gets her out of bed, taking her to the bathroom to go pee and brush her teeth.
Then he brings her downstairs to start getting breakfast ready. He’s learned to wait to get her dressed until after she eats, because she’s an incredibly messy eater. If they had a pet dog, they’d probably hover around her seat for treats during mealtimes. And they’d be well fed that’s for sure.
Of course before Marina lets him start making her breakfast she’s staring at him, waiting for him to do their daily morning dance together. Not wanting to make her wait for more than a few seconds, Buck picks out a song, then presses play on the music.
Immediately, Marina starts swaying along with the sounds. Buck takes a second to just watch fondly, then when she looks up at him, he reaches out to grab her hand to make her spin. She’s giggling and babbling fake words to the song she clearly doesn’t know, but to Buck she’s his little superstar. He’d pay a million dollars to watch her perform if he had to, but instead he’s lucky enough to get this for free every morning.
When the song is over, Buck brings her to the living room area, and puts on a TV show for her to watch as he makes her some waffles. She’s still mumbling something that he thinks is supposed to match the tune of the song they were just listening to. Though pretty much as soon as the show caught her attention, she stopped to stare at it like she needed to take in absolutely everything going on in the show, no detail missed. Buck finds how into things she gets amusing.
Maybe she got that from him, because when he’s interested in something, he easily lets it take his entire attention.
It doesn’t take him long to get enough waffles made for the two of them, thankfully, because when he checks the time, he’s running a bit behind schedule. That is, if he wants to have time to give her a bath after she inevitably gets syrup all over herself again. Which he does.
Sitting Marina on her seat, Buck cuts up her waffle before adding some fruit and syrup. She digs in with her fork, and as predicted, she immediately gets syrup and raspberries on her shirt. He should probably buy her a bib for the days he makes messier foods.
Although, every food is sort of messy for Marina.
“Is it yummy?” Buck asks, and she nods happily, taking another bite with a mumbled mhm .
Buck finishes his food quickly, then cleans up his plate, the dishes, and utensils he used to make the waffles. Afterwards, he starts the bath so it’s ready right away for when Marina pushes her plate away to tell him she’s full.
Picking her up, he carries her to the bathroom.
“Sorry, but it has to be a quick bath today. We have to go somewhere,” Buck apologises.
Marina pouts at that but still agrees. “Otay.”
Though, when the time came for her to actually get out, she tried to convince him to let her stay anyways. Unfortunately, Buck really couldn’t. He needed to get her dressed and out the door within ten minutes in order to not be late for his meeting with the lawyer.
To speed up the process, he made sure to give her a shirt with a shark print on it so she wouldn’t protest. It helped. However, they still managed to leave late. Plus, LA’s never ending traffic that’s worse than usual today made them almost twenty minutes late for the meeting.
His lawyer was not happy about that. Nor was he happy that Buck brought Marina along with him.
“Sorry,” Buck apologises after hearing Mackey’s complaint about not being able to have a proper discussion with a kid in the room. “Just– Y’know, with the lawsuit, I don’t really have anyone to leave her with.”
“Then consider a babysitter,” Mackey suggests slightly rudely, and Buck isn’t so fond of the way he clearly couldn’t care less about Marina, or his situation in general. Not everyone has deep pockets to just pay their way through their problems.
Besides, Marina has been through a ton. He won’t consider leaving her with someone that’s a complete stranger to both of them if he can help it.
Still, he understands where Mackey is coming from in regards to not being able to get through this meeting very sufficiently. Marina is wandering around the room and constantly getting her fingerprints on the glass, along with pushing around one of the squeaky wheely chairs.
It’s distracting, and Buck can see Mackey getting increasingly annoyed. That, plus how he’s hesitant to talk about certain topics with her so close by, thinking she shouldn’t be hearing some of it.
After another vaguely answered question as Buck picks up Marina to stop her from biting into a pen she found on the ground, Mackey calls an end to the meeting.
“This isn’t working. How about we reschedule for tomorrow, and you make sure she’s dropped off somewhere beforehand,” he suggests, though Buck can tell it’s more of a demand. He can read between the lines. Do that, or I drop you as a client.
“Uh, yeah. That– I can…” Buck agrees. “Sorry, again.”
Then he picks Marina up, and Chase Mackey holds the door open for them before heading in a different direction than the two of them.
It’s as the two of them get onto the empty elevator that Buck sighs. “What am I supposed to do, huh?” He asks, though not expecting any sort of response. “I guess you might be meeting Aunt Maddie tomorrow.”
Marina perks up at that. She’s heard several stories about Maddie over the last few days, and Buck thinks she’s excited to meet her. However, that might have something to do with Buck saying that she’s probably going to be very spoiled by Maddie and get lots of things.
It’s true though, Maddie will for sure spoil her niece endlessly.
He’ll have to make sure she’s available to watch Marina, and that Chimney won’t be around, because he’s not quite ready for anyone at the 118 to find out about her right now. Not when Marina won’t get to be celebrated and loved by them like she deserves.
For now though… “How does ice cream sound?”
“I like ice c’eam!” Marina cheers.
So, that’s how the two of them find themselves sitting on a bench outside a small ice cream shop eating ice cream. Marina wanted bubble gum, which Buck can see is colouring her mouth blue. Thankfully her shirt is already blue, so he can hardly tell there’s a mess on it. Buck, on the other hand, went with classic chocolate.
By the time Marina’s cone is finished, she’s full of energy and running along the sidewalk as Buck watches her. He’s pretty sure that this means she will have too much energy to nap at her regular time. He just hopes that it doesn’t mean that she stays up too late tonight.
When Buck decides it’s time for them to go home, he picks her up so that he can put her in her car seat. Although he can feel the stickiness from ice cream, and he doesn’t want that in his jeep. So, he makes a detour to the bathroom to help clean her up the best he can. It’s not perfect, he can still feel the stickiness on her shirt, but he deems it good enough afterwards. That’s when he finally puts her in his vehicle.
Turns out, she was still right on track with her nap, despite her previous energy. Not even three minutes into the drive, Buck takes a quick glance at her, and sees her fast asleep in her seat.
Since she’s still sleeping when they arrive, Buck carefully gets her out of her car seat and holds her in his arms. Using his elbow, he shuts the door, and locks the jeep before carrying her up to their apartment.
She doesn’t wake up, but she does snuggle into him and grab ahold of his shirt with her fist, which made it more difficult to get her down without waking her. Thankfully, when he replaced his shirt with one of her stuffies, she took hold of that instead, and Buck was able to put her down for her nap without a problem.
Deciding to use this free time to be productive, Buck uses this time to figure out what he’s going to do with Marina tomorrow for his re-do appointment with his lawyer. The most ideal scenario would be to leave her with Maddie, so he’s hoping that she doesn’t have a shift during that time.
The first thing he does is check the schedule for the 118 A-shift. He might not have access to the website they use to provide the schedule right now, but he happens to know Eddie’s login information. That’s because one time Eddie couldn’t figure out his password, and Buck helped him come up with one he’d remember.
So, using that, he finds that they are on shift tomorrow, which is helpful because it means that he doesn’t need to worry about Chimney being with Maddie. Though he’s sure he could have found a work around if necessary in that scenario.
Now finding out if Maddie has a shift tomorrow without asking would be more difficult. However, he doesn’t want to ask, because she’d want to know why. And, yeah, he should probably give her a heads up, but he’d honestly rather just show up and say here’s my daughter, can you watch her for a few hours? Great! Then leave before she can ask any questions.
Is that a bad plan? Of course. Is that what he’s probably going to do? Yes.
Of course he knows that when he goes to pick Marina up, he’s going to have to face the line of interrogation that he knows will be coming. It’s just that delaying the conversation as much as possible sounds great to him. Maybe he can find a way to get out of it after too? Tell her that they have somewhere to be?
Yeah, that won’t work. Maddie would drag him into her house at that point and not let him leave until he gave her an explanation.
It’s not that he doesn’t want to tell Maddie, he does. It’s just that– Why did his daughter have to come into his life at the most complicated part? A time when he’s in some weird limbo where he’s sort of isolated with no job, not nearly enough money saved to raise a kid for more than a few weeks, and dealing with a lawsuit.
Maddie will love Marina, he knows she will. She’d support Buck too, but he doesn’t want her to think he doesn’t have it together enough to raise this child on his own. Because he swears he does. He’ll make it work.
And of course he’ll have help. He knows that from watching how the rest of the 118 provide for each other and their children. He’s looking forward to having that network for his daughter too. However, right now he doesn’t, and he doesn’t know how long it’ll be until he does. That of which is terrifying.
But, he’ll make it work. At least that’s what he keeps telling himself.
Then his phone rings. Checking the caller ID, he sees Maddie’s contact covering his screen. Funny how thinking about, or talking about someone can sometimes just summon them.
“Hey, Mads,” Buck greets into the call after answering.
“ Can you do me a huge favor? ” She asks, and Buck, of course, knows he’s going to agree to whatever she asks.
He tells her as much. “Anything. What is it?”
“I was in charge of bringing cupcakes in for one of my coworkers birthday today, and I totally forgot about it because we discussed it so long ago. So, could you maybe pop by the store and pick some up and bring them to dispatch for me?” She requests, and Buck thinks he can do one better.
“How quickly do you need them?”
“She doesn’t start for another couple hours, but I’d like them here before she starts,” Maddie tells him.
“Okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Buck agrees, already pulling out some ingredients to make some homemade cupcakes instead, because homemade is far better than store bought. Plus, he loves any opportunity to improve his baking or cooking skills. Which is something that he never thought he’d care about until he joined the 118 and grew to love their family meals.
“Thanks so much, Buck!” Maddie appreciates. “You’re a lifesaver. I owe you one.”
Good, because he’s going to need to call in that favor tomorrow. Which reminds him…
“Honestly, not sure why, but I thought you were off today. Maybe I’m just misremembering what you told me the other day,” he says.
Maddie never actually said anything about her schedule to him, but he doesn’t think she’ll remember that detail. It’s not like either of them keep track of everything they say to one another. This is a good way to figure out if he needs a backup plan for tomorrow though.
It seems to work, because she just explains, “No. I’m off tomorrow, not today.”
Perfect. For once things are lining up for him.
“Right! Today is Wednesday, not Thursday. This whole not having a schedule thing is messing with my head,” he lies with a chuckle. “Anyways, gotta go so I can get you your cupcakes.”
He hangs up the call and immediately gets to work. He decides to do a double batch so that he can keep a few for him and Marina as well. Thankfully, he has enough cupcake trays to slide them all into the oven at the same time.
There was some extra batter once he was done pouring them all, but he didn’t want it to go to waste, so he just added a little extra to a few of the cupcakes. He’s regretting it now that he’s watching them bake, and he sees those ones overflowing, clearly making a mess in his oven.
That’s something he’s going to have to leave to clean for later.
For now, he’s busy making some simple icing recipe now that the cupcakes are out of the oven while he waits for them to cool off enough for the icing to not melt. Once that’s done, he goes upstairs to check up on Marina. When he sees that she’s still sleeping, he does the icing process before getting them all into a container.
There’s four that don’t fit with the rest, the ones that are a complete mess due to the extra batter incident, so he puts those on a plate for him and Marina to enjoy later. Then he makes his way upstairs to wake up his daughter, so that they can head towards dispatch to drop the cupcakes off.
“Hey, sleepy head,” Buck softly says as Marina blinks open her eyes and rubs them with the back of her hands. “I’ve got to go drop something off for my sister, then we can go get some lunch, okay?”
“Can we has chicken nuggies?” She asks, giving Buck a hopeful look.
Ruffling her already messy hair, Buck agrees. “‘Course, little one.” She giggles and tries patting down her hair. Buck then gets up and grabs a brush to properly fix it. Though, with her curls, it makes her hair look a little frizzy after he brushes it, so he puts it up in pigtails.
—
Not wanting Maddie to meet his daughter for the first time in the middle of her shift, and not wanting to leave Marina in his car, Buck decided to just leave the cupcakes with the security guard on the main level. He then shoots her a text to let her know before Marina and him make their way to a restaurant to get Marina her chicken nuggets.
Buck chose a cheap restaurant that lets kids under three eat for free to save him some money. Marina doesn’t know the difference though, so she’s happy as ever as they sit down at the table and starts doodling on the paper the hostess gave them along with some crayons.
He orders the children’s menu chicken fingers for Marina, and a chicken sandwich for himself with a side of fries. Marina wanted Chocolate milk too, which she downed almost immediately, and Buck is pretty sure that’s going to spoil her appetite for her actual meal.
“Are you okay with being left with your Auntie Maddie tomorrow?” Buck asks. “I promise she’ll take great care of you.”
With a nod, Marina says, “It’s otay.” Then she goes back to colouring. Buck isn’t quite sure what the image is supposed to be, but he’s already excited to hang it on his fridge.
When their food comes out, Buck learns that his assumption about Marina’s appetite being ruined by the chocolate milk was correct. She didn’t take more than three bites of her chicken tenders and eat a handful of fries before she was pushing her plate away.
“Are you full?” Buck questions in between mouthfuls of food. Marina nods, then once again goes back to working on her drawing. “I’ll get a box so you can have the leftovers for dinner, how does that sound?” Briefly, she looks up at him and smiles, which is enough to tell Buck she likes that idea.
Buck doesn’t bother rushing to eat his meal, because his daughter seems more than content to just sit there and scribble colours onto the paper she has. So, he takes his time eating, watching Marina with amusement.
At some point the waitress comes by, giving Marina a new sheet of paper. “I noticed we had quite the artist over here, and thought you’d maybe like some more paper,” the waitress says, earning a nod and smile from Marina.
After a few moments, Marina pauses and looks up at Buck. “Can I go potty?”
Buck nods, already moving to stand up. He gets her off of her chair, and guides her to the bathroom. When he arrives, he pauses for a second. Am I supposed to take her into the girls bathroom because she’s a girl? She is the one actually using the bathroom after all. Or do I take her into the men's bathroom because I am a man?
Suddenly, he’s come to understand the importance of family washrooms. Actually, why doesn’t this place have one? Buck thinks to himself. It is a family restaurant after all.
Marina looks up at him, confused, like she’s wondering why they stopped. Then he quickly makes a decision. If someone else was to come into the washroom, they’d probably be less weirded out by a two year old girl in the mens room, than a grown ass adult male in the women's room.
After helping her go to the bathroom, and thoroughly washing her hands, Buck brings them back to the table with a bunch of thoughts on his mind.
Honestly, Buck has always wanted kids, he knew he did. He wanted to be able to love a child in the way he never got to feel from his parents. He wanted to prove that it wasn’t a difficult thing to do.
Then the desire to have children morphed a little. It wasn’t just something to prove his parents wrong, but rather to have a little piece of him to watch grow up into someone he knew he’d be endlessly proud of. He wanted to see their every milestone, to take care of them when they are sick, and show up to their events, whether that be a sports game, dance recital, or marching band. He didn’t care what, he just wanted to experience it all.
And he isn’t sure why, but he has always imagined raising a little girl. So it’s funny how life is really turning out, like he just knew. However, he never imagined that he wouldn’t have that child’s mom in the picture.
The images he’d conjure up in his mind when he’d get lost in thought thinking about the future would always include him having a partner by his side. A mom to help their little girl with all the things about girls he just didn’t know.
It’s just that the bathroom incident made him realise for the first time that he’s really going to have to figure out how to raise a girl all alone. He’s going to need to learn how to do her hair, because so far all he has mastered is slightly lopsided pigtails. He’s going to have to teach her things that, quite frankly, he doesn’t even know that he doesn’t know.
He does have a sister, yeah. So you’d think he’d have some semblance of a clue about things. She’s older though, and she practically raised him. Which means Buck never really watched her try to learn how to be a girl, or what that meant, because she already knew everything. Or at least to Buck, that’s what it seemed like.
There’s another promise being made in his mind right now. He wants to never make his little girl feel like she’s missing out by not having a mom. He will be educated on whatever she might need to know, and he will never rush her into growing up like their parents did with Maddie, or dismiss her existence like they did with him.
“Sharky!” Marina cheers, pointing at her drawing.
Taking a glance at the masterpiece in front of his daughter, Buck can make out some semblance of a shark on her page. Kind of.
“Wow! That’s so good, Marina!” he praises proudly, and she seems to absolutely beam at that. “That’s going on the fridge for sure!”
And it did as soon as they made it back home.
—
There’s a nervous energy thrumming through Buck right now as he drives to Maddie’s place to drop his daughter off. He still hasn’t given his sister any sort of heads up, and at this current moment, he’s regretting that.
“Do you promise to be good for your auntie?” Buck asks, looking at Marina through the rearview mirror in his Jeep. Before he brings his eyes back to the road, he catches a nod from her.
“I p’omise,” Marina says, and Buck thinks he can hear excitement in her voice.
He’s really been trying to hype up her going to Maddie’s because he’s been worried that she’d be scared to be left with someone she doesn’t know again. It seems to be working though. He’s glad about that, especially because it’s the first time he’s leaving her since she came to live with him.
“Okay, good. If you need me, tell Maddie, and she can call me, okay?” Buck explains, and once again he sees a nod in the mirror.
When they arrive, Buck has to stop to take a deep breath before getting out of the car. Then once he has Marina standing beside him, and a bag of anything he thinks Maddie might need, he slowly makes the walk all the way to her door.
After another deep breath, Buck knocks, waiting with a rapidly beating heart.
Buck watches Maddie’s expression shift from curiosity, probably wondering who was at the door, to a smile when she sees Buck. Then it morphs again when she sees Marina into clear confusion.
“I’m cashing in that favor you owe me,” Buck says with a nervous chuckle. “Can you watch her for a couple hours?”
“Buck–”
“ Please ,” he pleads. “I’ve really got to go. I can explain later, I just–” He looks at the time, seeing that, yup, he is in fact running late again. His lawyer is truly going to hate him. “Here’s a bag of her stuff.” He passes Maddie the bag in his hands.
“Okay,” Maddie agrees, voice making her confusion more noticeable, and she’s got a look on her face that tells Buck she wants to ask a million questions.
“Thank you, so much,” Buck appreciates. “Okay, so she will only watch something if it has some sort of aquatic creature in it,” he informs. “And she hates cucumbers, so if you make anything don’t put any. If–”
Maddie cuts him off. “Hey, Buck, stop stressing. I know how to take care of a toddler for a couple hours, she’ll be fine.” Buck looks at her with hesitance, not because he doesn’t trust her, but because he’s realising that he’s more stressed about being separated from her than he is worried about his daughter being with Maddie. “You’ll be fine too.” Because of course Maddie could read him. “Just go.”
“Thanks again,” Buck says, then crouches down next to Marina. “I love you, Marina. I’ll see you in a bit okay.” He then leaves a kiss on her forehead before standing up. Maddie gives him a smile and gestures for him to go after he checks the time with a grimace. “Call me if–”
“Buck, we’re fine. Go,” Maddie scolds. Buck nods, and finally turns around after waving goodbye to his daughter.
He practically runs to his car to make up for him running behind. It doesn’t make much difference in the grand scheme of things though, considering he immediately gets stuck in traffic. He has half a mind to just cancel and go back to his daughter.
Then he remembers what he’s doing this for, and he pushes through. He needs this job to provide for her. He needs this job to show her that her dad does something he’s proud of, and loves. He needs this job so his daughter and him can have their 118 family.
When he finally walks into the office he’s meeting his lawyer in, the first words out of his mouth are, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Mackey brushes off, though there’s a clear annoyed expression on his face. “Let’s get started then, shall we?” He gestures towards a chair for Buck to sit in.
As Buck takes a seat, he asks, “So, I’m assuming you, uh, want to go over what we tried to discuss yesterday?”
“Yes. Like I said, I’ve been looking into your coworkers and boss, and trying to see if there’s any discrepancies in regards to how he treats you versus them,” Mackey explains.
“And did you find anything?”
“I believe so, but I want to hear your perspective on each of these instances,” Mackey says. Then he proceeds to mention a few examples of when other members of the 118 were allowed back to work shortly after, such as Chimney after the rebar incident.
As the conversation continues, Buck proceeds to answer each of his lawyers' questions about each situation, and provides his own context. When Mackey explains that this is all very helpful and will aid in helping Buck win this lawsuit, Buck decides to provide some more scenarios himself.
All in all, Buck thinks this meeting was very successful. His lawyer seems very confident that they’ve got a good case, and a high chance of winning this thing. So, when Buck walks out, he’s feeling confident and actually pretty great.
Soon enough he can get back to his family.
Notes:
i'm like 75k words into writing this now, which i think is up to chapter 14, and buddy just shared a bed for the first time. so basically i think i made this too slow of a burn but oh well too late.
anyways, i really hope y'all are liking this so far cuz i really am enjoying writing it. especially now that i get to write marina and chris scenes lol.
once i am fully done writing this i will switch to posting two or three times a week but for now i just wanna not stress myself by forcing myself to work faster than i should. anyways, new chapter next friday :P
Chapter 4
Summary:
Buck and Maddie have a chat, then Buck starts looking for a new place for him and Marina to live.
Notes:
it's been so long since i wrote these earlier chapters so i kinda forget what happens, but enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
As Buck is standing in front of Maddie’s door, Buck mentally prepares himself for the barrage of questions he’s about to receive.
“Come in,” Maddie says, stepping aside to let him in after opening the door.
“How was she?” Buck asks, following Maddie towards the living room.
“A delight,” Maddie assures with a smile. “She’s napping in my room right now. So, are you going to give me an explanation now?”
Buck sighs, sitting down on the couch. Maddie mirrors his movements. “She’s my daughter,” Buck starts.
“I gathered that much, with how she’s a mini you, that is,” Maddie cuts in.
Smiling at that, Buck continues, “About a week ago, I had a social worker come to my place. Apparently I had a daughter I never knew about. Her mom passed away in a car wreck, and had me listed in her will. Next thing I knew she was dropped off, and I’m now a single dad I guess.” He hesitantly looks over to Maddie to gauge her reaction, hoping it’s positive. Right now it’s mostly attentive. “I’ve got it handled though, I swear. I’ve got my place baby proofed, and I–”
“Buck,” Maddie interrupts. “You don’t have to explain all that to me. I know you’re already a great dad. I’m happy for you, and so, so proud.”
There’s a sigh of relief that comes from Buck. All he wanted was Maddie’s approval, and now that he has it, he feels like he can relax significantly. “Thank you. Seriously, I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t approve of me raising a kid on my own.”
Maddie gives him a sort of sad sympathetic look. “I know we’ve had some disagreements lately, but I’ll always support you. There’s no doubt in my mind that you’d do anything for that little girl. She clearly already adores you, Evan.”
“She does?”
With a nod, Maddie explains, “Yeah, I could see it in the way she looked at you when you dropped her off. Also she drew you some pictures.” Maddie got up, grabbing a small stack of papers. “Look, you can see how much she already loves you.”
Taking hold of the drawings, Buck looks through them. The first one is a drawing of two stick people, though Buck can’t quite tell what they’re doing. Both figures have big smiles on them.
“She said that’s you two at the park,” Maddie explains.
With a grin, Buck flips over to the next drawing. It’s a bunch of colourful fish. The final drawing is another stick figure, this time it’s what Buck assumes is a woman.
“Apparently that’s supposed to be her mom. She said she missed her and wanted a picture of her at home.” With that, Maddie gives him a solemn expression.
“I have been debating whether or not to contact her mom’s sister, because I wanted pictures of Marina from when she was younger, from before I knew about her. I didn’t want to be a bother while she was grieving, but if Marina wants a picture of her mom, maybe I should?” Buck looks to Maddie for her opinion.
“You need to stop assuming you existing is you being a bother, because that’s so far from true,” Maddie starts, and Buck interrupts what she was going to say next.
“That’s not what I–”
“Yes, it was. I know you,” Maddie firmly states. “Secondly, I think you should. Your daughter deserves to be able to know her mom in any way you can provide.”
Buck knows she’s right. If this is all he can provide, along with a small handful of stories, then he’ll do that.
There’s a sound of small footsteps coming towards the room. Buck glances over, seeing his daughter wiping sleep out of her eyes. He then gets up and starts walking towards her. “Hi, my little sharky,” he greets, giving her an excited grin.
Marina runs up to him and immediately hugs him around his legs. Buck then picks her up, pulling her into a proper hug.
“I saw your drawings,” Buck tells her. “They’re so good! Pretty soon I’m going to run out of room on my fridge. Maybe I should make a book for all of them, huh?” Marina nods against him.
“Did you two want to stay for lunch?” Maddie asks, looking at Buck for an answer.
“Uh– Yeah, I think we’d like that,” Buck answers with a smile, looking at Marina, who is clearly still a little sleepy, resting her head against Buck. “Do you want to watch something while we cook,” he asks his daughter. She nods, and Buck puts her down on the couch.
Once he has something put on for her, Buck makes his way to help Maddie in the kitchen.
“She’s a quiet little one,” Maddie notes.
“Yeah,” Buck agrees. “I’ve been meaning to make an appointment with a child psychologist for her.”
Maddie gives him a questioning look before pulling out a pan and setting it on the stove top. “That seems a bit excessive. Some kids are just quiet. Can you pass me the cheese?”
Opening up the fridge, Buck grabs what was requested. “It’s not just that. She also has these nightmares every night. Well… not last night. But I’m pretty sure that’s only because when I woke up in the middle of the night I just assumed that was why, so I woke her up instinctually before she could have the nightmare.”
“Hmm,” Maddie hums, cutting up the cheese before placing it on some bread. She then turns to Buck. “It could just be because of the huge change that’s gone on in her life, especially at her age. But maybe a professional couldn’t hurt. She doesn’t seem all too troubled though from what I see.”
“During the day she’s happy and all that, it’s just at night,” Buck confirms, taking a glance over to where Marina is to make sure she’s still fine. She is. “I’m just worried that there’s something more going on there that I don’t know. I just want what’s best for her, is all.”
“I know you do, and I’m sure in time everything will work itself out,” Maddie assures. “She’s young, so even if there is something going on in that brain of hers, you will have plenty of time to figure out how to help her out.” She puts the first grilled cheese on the pan.
“You’re probably right,” Buck agrees, or more so hopes. “I just worry.”
“It’s called being a parent, Buck,” Maddie points out.
“It’s weird– Being a parent, that is.” As much as he wanted to be a dad, he never thought it’d happen so soon. Though, with how much he used to sleep around, it shouldn’t be as much of a surprise as it is. “A good weird, though.”
“I wish you told me sooner.” Maddie pushes him out of her way when she needs to grab some more bread that Buck was standing in front of. “I would have helped you ease into it; helped you pay for some stuff. I know you’re still out of a job right now.”
“I was just…”
“Worried?” Maddie supplies, and Buck nods.
“I just– I’m so protective of her, and I thought you’d be supportive,” Buck starts. “But… on the off chance you weren’t– I don’t know. Like I said, I’ve got a handle on it.” He takes the grilled cheese off of the stove for her when he can tell it’s close to burning.
“Well, I’m here now, for whatever you need,” Maddie offers.
“Could you watch her again on Monday?” Buck asks, knowing he’ll need a babysitter during the arbitration for the lawsuit.
“Of course.”
—
That night, after he put Marina down for bed, Buck started trying to find a way to get into contact with Melanie, Marina’s aunt. However, that’s turning out to be a tough feat, because so far, the only information that he has on her is her first name, and that she’s married. Which is unfortunate for him, because he knows she took her wife’s last name, but he doesn’t know what that is.
So, searching her up is not going well, to say the least.
Amelia and him were never really all that serious for the short time they were seeing each other, but he knew that her and her sister’s relationship with their family was somehow more rocky than his was with his own family. Which means that if he contacted their parents, that he found surprisingly easy, they’d be none the wiser how to contact Melanie either.
Though, he has a good guess as to why they no longer talk, if all the homophobic posts on their Facebook pages were anything to go by. He wonders if they even know that one of their daughters is dead?
All of this has just made him realise that Marina never really would have been able to have a big family before she came to live with him. That just gives him all the more motivation to provide her with one, because he knows first hand how it sucks to only really know your parents, left to wonder about your family tree.
Marina will have the 118, plus Maddie, and possibly any future children Maddie and Chimney may have as cousins. He thinks they’d have cute kids, and he can’t wait to get to spoil them. It makes him joyful, being able to provide her with some much love from the people he loves.
Soon, he tells himself. Soon he’ll win the lawsuit, and everything can go back to how it was.
After hitting another dead end in his search, he closes his laptop, and makes his way upstairs to get ready for bed. When he reaches the top of the stairs, he sees Marina laying awake, holding her plushie.
“What’re you still doing up, silly?”
“Not sleepy,” she whispers against the shark she’s holding.
“Do you want another bedtime story then?” Buck asks, knowing that she’s usually fast asleep after she’s heard one of his stories. She nods. “Okay, let me get ready for bed, then I’ll come tell you a story.”
Once he sees a small nod from her, Buck grabs a change of clothes, then makes his way to his bathroom to brush his teeth and get changed. Then when he’s all done, he sits beside Marina in bed. She’s quick to move to rest her head on his lap, and Buck runs his hand soothingly through her hair.
“One time, almost four years ago, I went to a concert, which is where they play music to a big room full of people,” Buck starts. “ Before one of their songs, the singer asked if anyone wanted to go up and sing with them. Then they brought on a woman, who was almost as beautiful as you. I thought she was so cool. You want to know who it was?” Buck asks, and Marina gives him a curious look.
“Who?”
“It was your mom.” Marina looks at him with excited eyes, waiting for the rest of the story. “She danced and sang. It was awesome. I just knew that I had to meet her. So after the show, when everyone else was looking to meet the band, all I wanted was to meet the beautiful woman.”
It’s fun to reminisce about that night. Honestly, he hadn’t thought about it in a while until Marina was brought into his life. He wishes he had more time with Amelia, because she truly was someone that brought joy everywhere she went. He definitely sees that in Marina.
“I walked around everywhere, looking at everyone, until finally I saw her. She had such a pretty smile, just like yours.” He tickles her briefly to get a giggle out of her so that he could see that smile. “And when I walked up to her I was so nervous to talk to her. I normally never had much of a problem talking to new people, but she was something special, I just knew it.”
In fact, he made a complete fool of himself when he first approached her, but lucky for him, she found it cute how flustered he was.
“Your mom and I ended up going for a walk, and we talked all night until the sun came up.” He smiles as remembers how the first glimpse of the morning sun was the only indication that so many hours had passed. To them, it felt like time had frozen and the concert had just ended. “I remember that when she saw the sun, she pulled out her phone and played her favorite song, then she made me dance with her. Just like she’d always do with you in the morning.”
They were in a public park, where a few early birds were already doing their morning runs. Buck was embarrassed to dance in front of all these strangers, but Amelia didn’t seem to mind it at all. It was like she didn’t even know there were other people around other than the two of them.
“Your mom was a very special person, and I was so lucky that I got to meet her,” Buck whispers to Marina, leaving a soft kiss to the top of her head.
“I miss mommy,” she tells him, and Buck hugs her a little tighter.
“I know you do. I’m sure she’s watching over you right now, hoping you know how much she loves you and wishes she didn’t have to leave you.” Buck isn’t sure he believes in an afterlife or not, but he’s pretty sure this is something that could bring her comfort. Or at least he hopes so.
Marina manages to fall asleep pretty quickly after that, and it’s the first time she sleeps through the entire night since she’s come into Buck’s care.
—
The only thing Buck has planned for today, is to check out a few places for rent that he thinks could be good for Marina and him. A couple of the places are just open viewings, but the other three are scheduled viewings.
Trying to find the best way to fit all of that into one day with a toddler that he knows won’t want to spend her day looking at houses was difficult. However, he thinks he’s got it organized pretty well.
He’s going to go to one of the open viewings first, because that way if Marina causes him to run late, it doesn’t matter. Then they have a couple scheduled viewings with a bit of a break in between so he can take her to the park. Afterwards they’re going to go home for Marina’s nap and some lunch. And then it’s just one more open viewing before the final house.
Hopefully it goes as smoothly as he wants it to. It seems like a pretty flawless plan with room for hiccups so he doesn’t see why it wouldn’t.
But of course, having a toddler means that plans mean nothing, Buck is starting to learn.
It starts out smoothly. They made it to the first two places with no problems. Buck was not a fan of the first place, but the second one seemed promising. It was small, but was still enough for the two of them. It was in a good area, though it was a bit further away from the station. He thinks he could make it work, though.
It was while they were at the park that a problem occurred.
Buck swears he only looked away for a second, just to reply to a text Maddie had sent. One second, and his daughter got into this mess. The mess being, completely covered in paint.
One thing he failed to notice was his daughter’s ability to beeline towards the messiest situation. Honestly, he should have seen it coming, with how messy she tends to be in all other regards. She’s not afraid to cover her clothes in dirt, food, or apparently, paint.
“Oh my god, I’m so, so sorry,” Buck apologises as the man who was painting a mural on the fence behind the playground glares at them. He does not seem to appreciate the apology, or his existence in general.
“Dude, watch your kid!” The man complains, and immediately Buck is furious.
If it weren’t for him wanting to set a good example for his daughter, and not cause a scene at a playground, this interaction would be a lot less friendly.
“My bad. Sorry again,” he repeats, voice as calm as he can manage, and grabs Marina’s hand to drag her away from the scene of the crime.
Looking at Marina, he sees her hands and clothes completely covered in various colours. Then he looks at the fence, seeing small handprints mixed in with a carefully put together painting. Maybe he understands why the man was mad.
“You can’t just walk up to strangers, Marina. If you don’t know them, and I’m not with you, then it’s not safe, okay?” Buck scolds lightly, mostly just trying to inform her that it’s a bad idea. She nods, though Buck makes a mental note to make sure she really learns what stranger danger means.
Looking around, Buck is trying to find a solution for this predicament. They’re supposed to be heading towards another showing in just a few minutes. However, Buck knows that they can’t show up covered in wet paint.
There’s no public bathroom in sight, and Buck honestly considers asking a stranger if they can use their garden hose to wash off enough that Buck feels like his jeep won’t become a canvas itself. Though, if he’s trying to instill the whole don’t approach stranger thing, maybe he shouldn’t approach a stranger in front of her like that.
Plus, that’s sort of embarrassing and it’s not exactly warm out today.
So, instead, he picks Marina up, mourning the loss of the shirt he’s wearing, knowing this is the end of its life. Then he carries her all the way to the closest gas station to use their bathroom. Walking in, he quickly purchases a pack of gum to be allowed access to the washroom.
Sitting Marina on the counter, he makes her lean down to run her hands under the water. He waits until the water starts running clear, then he carefully scoops some water in his hands to wash off the rest of her arms.
When Marina is mostly paint free, besides her shirt, he gets that off of her carefully, making sure he doesn’t spread more paint around. He then helps her into a clean shirt he had packed in the bag he brought with them. At this moment he’s glad that he tends to lean towards being over-prepared.
“All clean!” Buck cheers, earning a giggle from Marina.
“No! You are dir’y,” she points out, pointing at his shirt.
“You’re right, my shirt is still dirty, huh?” Buck agrees, and Marina nods with a wide smile. “Let’s go see if we can find something clean for me.” Buck then helps his daughter off of the counter without letting her touch his messy shirt. Then with her hand in his, he guides her out of the bathroom.
This gas station doesn’t sell any sort of shirts, which Buck is okay with, knowing he usually hates the designs available. So he starts walking back towards where he parked near the playground, thinking he saw a shop along the way.
He was right. It was a second-hand store, and Buck was more than fine with that. So Marina and him walk inside.
Not really caring, Buck grabs a plain shirt in his size, considering it good enough. Marina disagrees though, with the ways she’s trying to tug it out of his hand with a shake of her head.
“Not this one?” He asks, honestly a little confused. Then he watches as she starts tugging on a different shirt. It’s not his size. “That one is too small. If you want to pick for me, it has to be over here.” He walks her back to the section with his size.
Staring at the shirts, she tilts her head with a contemplative look. Then she reaches out to one.
“This?” He asks, and she nods her head. “Okay. This works.”
It’s a soft pink oversize tee with white outlines of flowers. Definitely not what he would have picked, but whatever makes her happy.
Pretty quickly, they make their way to the check-out and out the door. Then Buck quickly swaps shirts before tossing the ruined one and picking Marina back up. The two of them then finally make their way back to Buck’s Jeep.
Once they’re seated, Buck checks the time, seeing that he’s completely missed his scheduled time to see the house he was supposed to be checking out. He tries calling them to see if he can come now anyways, but there’s no response.
“Let’s just head home. How does that sound?” Buck asks, though it’s more so him just telling Marina the plan. She nods anyway.
With Marina taking her daily nap, Buck uses this time to send in an application for the second place they saw. He is hoping that the ones they see this afternoon are a little better, but he knows he can’t be too picky about it.
Usually he likes to use Marina’s napping time to be as productive as possible, but he’s kind of incredibly tired right now. As it turns out, raising a toddler is exhausting. Worth it, but exhausting. Especially when said toddler struggles to sleep through the night.
So, instead of researching or looking into one thing or another, making lunch, or cleaning, he just lays down on his couch and turns on a random TV show. Before he knows it, he’s taking a nap too.
A nap that ran a lot longer than he intended for it to.
When he wakes up, the first thing he does is check the time, seeing that it’s already falling into the time he had set to go see the next house.
“ Shit,” he mutters to himself, rushing to go upstairs to get his daughter. Reaching the top of the stairs, he sees her happily playing with her shark, then when she spots him, she smiles wide.
“Are you hungry?” He asks softly, knowing that there’s no way in hell they’ll be able to make it to that house before he needs to get to the next one. Might as well make sure Marina gets something to eat that isn’t fast food then.
With Marina’s nod, he picks her up, bringing her downstairs, and sitting her down onto the couch.
“What would you like to eat?” Marina looks like she’s thinking, but ends up just shrugging. “How does–” Buck opens his fridge to check what they have, noticing that he needs to go grocery shopping again. Really, it’s impressive how fast they go through food. “Uh… Mac and cheese?”
With Marina’s approval, he pulls out the box from one of his cupboards and a pot to cook it in.
When it’s ready the two of them sit around the kitchen table to eat before they make their way back out the house. Hopefully they make it to see the last couple houses he had planned to see today. And hopefully he gets approved for one of them, because he does not want to have to keep dragging a toddler around to look at places.
Arriving at the house he was meant to look at, he immediately loves it. It’s so close to Eddie’s place, in a nice neighbourhood with multiple parks, and according to his quick google search, a good elementary school. They’re a ways from that, but it’s good to have on the backburner.
It’s a nice little home, though it is bigger than the one he liked in the morning, which is another plus. Stepping inside, Buck is instantly able to picture this as their family home. It’s got three bedrooms, which is more than he needs, and unfortunately more costly. However, everything else about it, makes the cost seem so worth it.
“I think this one’s the one,” Buck whispers to Marina, feeling excited. Then he turns towards the homeowner that’s renting it out. “What’s the likelihood that we get this place?”
“That depends on a few factors. What do you do for a living? My biggest concern, of course, is whether or not my tenants will be able to consistently pay,” she explains to Buck.
“I’m a firefighter– Or, well, I will be again soon… hopefully. It’s complicated,” he says, feeling like he’s actively ruining his chances. “But I promise no matter what, I’ll have the payment available.”
The homeowner looks at him with hesitance in her expression. “I’d feel more comfortable if you already had a job secured. Why are you leaving your current place?”
“Oh, I– Well, it’s a loft, and it’s not ideal to raise a child in. Doesn’t have any rooms. When I got it I didn’t know I had a daughter,” Buck explains with an awkward chuckle. “And if it’d make you more comfortable, I can get someone with a secured job to co-sign my lease.”
He hasn’t exactly asked Maddie yet, but he figures that since she was willing to co-sign his last place, surely she wouldn’t mind doing it again. If she does, he’ll do whatever it takes to convince her, because he needs this place. It’s perfect.
“That would help, yes,” she agrees. “I do have a few other people interested, so I’ll go through all the applications, and make a decision.”
Buck has the urge to continuously grovel until she agrees to let him rent the place, but he doesn’t want to make more of a fool of himself, so he resists. Instead he just says, “Thank you. I understand that I may not seem like the ideal candidate, but I assure you, I would always pay my rent on time. I can find you some references if needed. I just want to provide my daughter with the best I can.” Then with a smile, he picks Marina up, says bye to the homeowner, and the two of them make their way back to his jeep.
He doesn’t even bother going to the next place, not when he’s so dead set on this one. Even though he knows logically that it’s a bad idea to not have as many backup plans as possible in this scenario. He just shoots the last person a message saying he can’t make it, then takes Marina home.
Almost immediately, he fills out an application for that place, and hopes for the best.
—
“So, how was house hunting today,” Maddie asks, walking through the door once Buck steps out of the way. When Marina spots Maddie, she runs up and hugs her, earning a fond chuckle from Maddie. “Hi, Marina.”
“It went… I was going to say well, but I didn’t even get to three of the places I had planned to,” Buck starts. “But I found one I really loved, though I sort of promised that if she chose me to rent, that you’d co-sign for me?” He informs, giving Maddie a look that’s half apologetic, half pleading.
She rolls her eyes at him, but says, “Of course, you dork. Anything for you two.”
“Seriously, thank you. Have I told you that you’re the best sister ever?” Buck jokingly asks.
“Not enough.”
Buck laughs at that, then sees the bags in Maddie’s hand. He gives her a questioning look. She then walks over and sets them up on the counter.
“Figured you wouldn’t be in the mood to cook,” she states. “So, I brought some take-out.”
“Like I said, best sister ever.”
She smiles, then serves the three of them some food before they all get seated at the table to eat.
“So, Marina, are you excited to finally have a room of your own? Maybe you can convince your dad to paint some sharks on the walls?” Maddie asks, and Buck wishes she didn’t, because he is no artist, that’s for sure.
However, Marina is nodding with excitement, and Buck knows he’s going to have to figure something out.
Giving Maddie a sarcastic look that reads well, thanks for that, Maddie whispers to him, “That’s for putting my credit at risk for your house.” And who’s Buck to argue with that? She’s doing him a huge favor, the least he could do is paint some sharks on the wall for Maddie’s entertainment.
Because that’s all it will be. They will not look anything remotely like sharks, he already knows that much.
When they’re done eating, they decide to watch a movie together. Marina wanted to build a fort to watch it from and Maddie helped her do so while Buck dealt with the dishes from dinner. Then when they were all comfortable, Buck puts on a movie that Marina approved of. One that he’s pretty sure she already watched this week.
By the time the movie is over, Marina is fast asleep, so Buck gets her to bed.
Walking back towards the living room, he sees his sister already helping him put the items from Marina’s fort back to where they belong.
“You’re doing a great job with her, you know?” Maddie points out, and Buck feels proud of himself for a moment.
“Thanks, Mads,” he appreciates. “I sort of feel completely lost, like I have no idea what I’m doing, just hoping for the best. I wish I could do more, I guess. I want her to have a better upbringing than I had.”
Giving Buck a sympathetic look, she says, “You’re already succeeding at that. You don’t need to worry so much– Which I know is a hard ask.” Maddie waves her hands to brush off whatever response Buck was about to say to that. “You’re a great dad already, and I’m pretty sure every parent feels like they have no idea what they’re doing. So, just take in the fact that she goes to bed every night with a smile as a win; as reassurance that you’re doing alright.”
“Thank you, that– Hearing you say you think I’m doing alright makes me feel like less of a complete screw up.” There’s another chuckle, but this one is slightly self pitying.
“You screw up sometimes, but that doesn’t make you a screw up,” Maddie firmly claims. “I love you, and if you need anything don’t hesitate to ask. I don’t want you running yourself into the ground just because you feel like you should.”
“I’ll try my best.” Because that’s all he can promise, she seems content with that though. “You still okay to watch her on Monday?”
“Yes, of course. I won’t say no to spending time with my niece,” Maddie says with a grin as Buck yawns. “You seem tired, so I’m going to get out of your hair. You get some rest, I’ll talk to you later.”
Buck nods, covering up a second yawn, really feeling the tiredness now that it’s been pointed out.
“See you soon, Maddie.”
Maddie gives him a hug before making her way out the door, and Buck is quick to get ready for bed, needing the sleep.
Seeing Marina sleeping peacefully as she holds her shark close to her, Buck gives her a fond smile, leaning down to kiss her forehead.
“I love you, Marina. Sleep well.”
Notes:
this fic is probably gonna end up being over 100k words which is wild cuz my previous longest fic was only 50k. anyways, hopefully y'all are enjoying this fic so far. We're slowly making it through the lawsuit portion, then once it's done it becomes a lot more buddie centric, but for now it's buck trying to figure out how to raise a daughter on his own.
i guess this is it for now, see y'all next friday!
Chapter 5
Summary:
The arbitration plus some more Marina and Buck of course
Notes:
Decided to post an extra chapter this week cuz why not 🤷🏻
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Waking up to an email that he’s been approved to rent the house he wanted was the best possible start to a day he’s been quite anxious about.
Today is the first time he’s going to be facing everyone since the start of this lawsuit. They’re all supposed to be meeting up with him and his lawyer today. Which, quite frankly, he’s not looking forward to. Yes, he wants to see everyone, but he’d rather it not be in this context.
He isn’t quite sure how this meeting will go, because his lawyer is sort of vague. Kind of just has this trust me attitude towards this whole lawsuit. Though, Buck isn’t quite sure that he does. His lawyer says they have a strong case, but other than that and him asking Buck a few questions here and there, Buck has no idea what’s actually going on with the lawsuit.
None of that matters though. Not right now. Not when he’s staring at an email he hoped for, but didn’t think he’d get. He must have left a good impression on the homeowner, because he was so sure that he’d have a much harder time getting a place without a job in line.
The email says that he needs to send in the signed lease by the end of the week if he is still interested. Yes, he is in fact incredibly interested, so he’ll get to that as soon as he can.
Feeling a tug on the leg of his pants, Buck sees Marina staring up at him.
“Sorry, I got distracted,” he apologises. “I’ll get you your breakfast now.”
He then turns off his phone, and pulls out a bowl and some cereal. Pouring what he hopes is a good amount of cereal into the bowl, he then adds some milk before setting it on the table. Picking Marina up, he seats her on the chair, and gives her a spoon so that she can eat.
Normally, he’d sit down with her to eat something himself, but right now he’s too anxious to eat anything. Plus, he’d rather focus on getting this lease locked in as quickly as possible. So, he pulls up the email on his laptop, and digitally signs his portion of the lease before forwarding it to Maddie to have her sign too. Then he shoots her a text to check her email, and asks her to sign it right away. She sends him a thumbs up emoji in response.
“You’re going to spend some time at Aunt Maddie’s again today. How does that sound?” Buck tells Marina as he grabs the now empty bowl of cereal from her.
“Soun’s fun!” She cheers.
Buck knows how much she already loves spending time with her aunt. He’s grateful for that, because right now she’s his only option in terms of babysitters. Which he should really look into more, because once he’s back at work, he can’t just rely on Maddie every day. Not when she has a job of her own.
“Great! Let’s get you ready so I can drop you off.”
“You look tired,” is the first thing Maddie points out when she opens her door. She has a sort of concerned older sister expression right now.
“Wow. Thanks,” Buck replies bitterly, laced in sarcasm.
Maddie ignores him for the time being, leaning down to look at Marina. “And how’s my favorite little girl doing?” Marina doesn’t respond, just giggles as Maddie ruffles her hair.
Stepping into Maddie’s apartment, Marina is quick to spot a new stuffed animal sitting on the couch. She rushes over to it, picking it up with glee. Buck then shoots Maddie a curious eye.
“I’m an aunt now. Do you expect me to not spoil her?” She explains with a grin. Buck just rolls his eyes at her with fondness. “Seriously though, you alright?” She asks, doing a once over of him, probably noticing the bags under his eyes.
“Yeah. It’s just– I was stressed about the thing with the lawyer today, so I couldn’t sleep at first. Then Marina had another nightmare, but she had a harder time falling asleep. So she might just sleep most of the time she’s here, just so you know.”
“If you need the rest, you can leave her here for a bit after you’re done so you can go take a nap,” Maddie offers, and Buck might just take her up on that.
“Thanks, I- I’ll let you know what I decide after I’m done.” Buck walks over to Marina, who is happily playing with her new toy. “I’ve got to go now. I’ll see you later, okay?” He gives her head a kiss after she waves bye to him. She then immediately turns her attention back to the toy.
“See you in a bit, Buck.” Maddie waves at him before shutting the door behind him.
Now Buck is left with the task of making his way to his lawyer’s office. Seriously, he can’t wait for this whole damn thing to be over. He misses everyone, and he hates having to deal with this lawsuit. Especially while trying to navigate raising a two year old that just sprung into his life at the same time.
Surprisingly, he’s not running behind this time, but the speed he’s driving might just change that. He’s really dreading this. And so, he makes no effort to rush there.
In the end, he arrives on time, and thankfully doesn’t run into anyone from the 118 before getting to his lawyer.
“Ready for this?” Mackey asks, and Buck is not, but he nods his head anyways. “Great!” He says with a cheeriness that Buck doesn’t understand where it’s coming from. Maybe that’s just because he doesn’t really like the idea of his friends being basically interrogated just because Bobby won’t just let him back to work.
Sitting in a room that is too fancy with a table that shines just a bit too much, Buck waits next to his lawyer for the first person to come in. That person being Bobby.
As Bobby walks in, he gives Buck a quick glance, but doesn’t say anything to him. Instead he just takes a seat and waits patiently for the arbitrator to start talking.
It starts off with a simple explanation of what this meeting is about, and Bobby just stays silent until he feels the need to point out that Buck still has his job, that he wasn’t terminated. Buck, however, would disagree. He’s no longer a firefighter, and it was not his choice.
Thankfully, Mackey seems to agree, which he then explains to Bobby. That, and how he treats Buck differently from the rest of the members of the 118. Unequal was the word he used, and Buck can’t help but agree. Though, Bobby is quick to try and dismiss it.
When they went through and asked the other members from the team questions about their experiences with being let back to work after tragic incidents, they unknowingly helped prove Chase Mackey right. Buck might not be the biggest fan of the guy, but he’ll give credit where credit is due. He’s doing a pretty decent job.
Except for the part where he’s using the information Buck gave him and throwing it in their faces. He didn’t know he’d do that. Was there really a reason to throw their traumas and past experiences in their faces? Buck doesn’t think so. He’s sure they could have won without that.
He’ll have to find a way to apologise for all of that… somehow. He can already tell they’re pissed off at him for all of it.
Especially Bobby. He never meant for his lawyer to throw Bobby’s experience with alcoholism in his face like that. It has absolutely nothing to with any of this. And he knows how hard Bobby has worked in the past and now to be sober, so he feels a pang of guilt when Chase brings it up.
Actually, scratch his earlier statement. This lawyer fucking sucks. He never wanted this to get so out of hand.
The entire time the lawyer threw out questions, he couldn’t find himself to do anything other than sit there in stunned silence. God, this is awful, and he hates that all of this has come to what it has. He just wishes that Bobby understood that he was more than fine to come back to work.
While on blood thinners he was able to save several people during a tsunami, and search for hours, looking for Chris. He was bleeding then too, but he still made it through the day just fine. He didn’t die. Why couldn’t Bobby see that? Because then they wouldn’t have to be going through all this unnecessary crap.
When it was all done, Chase Mackey shook his hand and told him he thought that it went great. Buck didn’t carry the same sentiment. He just had to hope it’d all work out in the end.
Watching them all leave without him hurt. He gets it, of course he does. They’re mad, justifiably so, and they still aren’t supposed to be speaking. But he just misses when he was a part of that family too.
Stepping onto the elevator, Buck sends Maddie a message, telling her that he’s going to take her up on her offer to get some sleep before picking up Marina. He’s not really in the mood to be all cheery for his daughter right now. Maybe some rest will lift his spirits a little bit.
—
A continuous buzzing coming from his phone is what eventually wakes him up. With one eye opened, slowly adjusting to the light, Buck looks at the caller ID. It’s his lawyer. Assuming it’s important, Buck answers it.
“Yeah?” He says into the call, voice a smidge croaky from sleep.
“I’ve got big news for you, so why don’t you come on down to my office, and we can discuss it,” Mackey tells him over the phone, with an obvious smile in his voice. Buck immediately perks up at that, sitting up, and wiping sleep off of his face.
“Big news?”
Is this what he’s been waiting for? Is he finally getting his job back?
“I’ll tell you about it when you arrive. Not really something to discuss over the phone.”
With Buck muttering out his agreement to come right over, Buck hangs up the call, and as quickly as possible, he makes his way out the door to his jeep. As he’s driving he dial’s Maddie’s number.
“ Hey, Buck. You on your way ?” She asks when she answers.
“Uh… No. That’s why I’m calling, actually. Would you be able to watch her for a little bit longer? My lawyer called, and said he had big news, so I’m heading over to see what that is,” he explains to her.
“ Any idea what kind of news? ” She asks, and Buck is somewhat surprised. They have mostly been ignoring the elephant in the room that is the lawsuit. Just small mentions here and there. Maddie hasn’t directly asked about it since she first found out.
“No idea. I’m hoping that Bobby saw he was wrong about keeping me away, and is letting me back.” He really, really hopes that’s it. He doesn’t see what else could be such big news. “If it’s not that, then I’m not sure.”
“Okay, well I’m wishing you luck. And of course Marina can stay as long as you need her to,” Maddie offers.
“Thanks again. I owe you,” Buck says before hanging up.
The speed in which he manages to get to the lawyer’s office surprises even him. It’s just that traffic was light, and he got lucky with green lights for once.
Knocking on Mackey’s door, Buck has a hopeful feeling in his chest. When he’s waved in, he opens the door and walks in. Turns out his lawyer was surprised how fast he got there too.
“You, uh– You said you had big news?” Buck prods with an excited grin on his face.
“The biggest.” Chase Mackey then stood up, passing a small piece of paper to Buck.
Looking at it, Buck frowns, seeing nothing more than a number on it. That’s not what he was expecting. “W-What is this?” He asks, wanting clarification.
“That is the city’s offer,” Mackey responds, sounding proud of himself. “They want to settle.” Then he goes on to explain how it’s just a starting point, but Buck doesn’t care about any of that.
“Th–This is all they’re offering?” Buck wonders, feeling defeated. This was never about the money. Yeah, sure, money would be useful in terms of raising Marina. But, it’s not at all what he wants out of this.
Mackey seems surprised when he explains that he doesn’t want the millions of dollars he’s being offered on a silver platter, but rather just his job. When he says that this would mean he wouldn’t have to work anymore, Buck finally realises that this man never understood what Buck was after.
“I did this so that I could go back to doing what I love,” Buck spits out, feeling frustrated. “To be back with my team.” Because that’s all he ever wanted.
Then his lawyer says he doesn’t think they’d welcome him back, which feels like a punch to the gut.
Feeling pissed, he tells Mackey off for using the information he provided about his team against them. He didn’t tell him that for his use, rather just some background information.
“But I did exactly what you asked me to do,” Mackey points out. However, Buck would strongly disagree. “We won,” he says, but Buck doesn’t agree with that either. To him, this isn’t winning. Not by a long shot.
He dropped the suit. If Chase Mackey wasn’t going to help him get his job back, he didn’t want to work with him.
So he ends up leaving the office that he originally entered with hopeful excitement, feeling like he’d just been shoved into a dirt hole and asked to cover his own grave. Which might be a smidge dramatic, but he’s just so tired of having to fight something that was never his fault to begin with.
“I take it, it didn’t go well,” Maddie notes as she opens her door.
Buck huffs out an annoyed chuckle. “No, no it did not.”
“Marina is napping,” she explains when she sees Buck looking around for her. “What happened?” Maddie prompts, walking further into her place. She walks towards the kitchen, grabbing Buck some water. He takes it gratefully, even if he wishes it were something stronger right now.
“They wanted to settle.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Buck can tell that Maddie still doesn’t entirely get why he’s– or was– doing the lawsuit. She still listens though, which Buck appreciates.
“I didn’t do this for money. I don’t care about the money… mostly. Just in regards to Marina, I do. But what matters more, is showing my daughter that I am doing a job I love; showing her that it’s possible to enjoy what you do. I want to make her proud. I want my team back. I want them to meet and know and love Marina too. But none of that will happen if I don’t get my job back,” he rambles, feeling desperate to fix everything, but still feeling like he doesn’t know how.
“No matter what happens, I’m sure you’ll find a way to make your daughter proud of you,” Maddie starts. “And eventually they will all forgive you, and they will all love your daughter as soon as they meet her, regardless of whether or not you work with them.”
Buck gives her a doubtful scoff. Not towards the part where they’d love Marina, because who wouldn’t? But because she has this sort of optimism that they’d all still care about him if he wasn’t a firefighter that he knows isn’t true.
So far no one has stuck around with him, so why would they, if given the choice?
“I’m just not sure what I’m meant to do now,” Buck confesses with a sigh.
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” Maddie assures, giving his hand a comforting squeeze. Though Buck sort of wishes she’d just give him all the answers, even the ones she doesn’t have, because he hates feeling this lost.
—
After Marina woke up, Buck took her home, not until he’s done thanking Maddie a bunch more times, of course. He decides to take the rest of the day easy, figuring both of them could use some relaxing.
Tomorrow he’ll figure out how to get a subletter for his place, and how to apologise to everyone. Plus, he should really look into getting Marina a child psychologist, because these nightmares don’t seem to be going anywhere. That should be top priority, he thinks.
Then he should also start figuring out the logistics of his move. He’ll probably have to rent a truck. Normally, he’d just ask Eddie, but he doubts Eddie would agree to that right now.
There’s also the whole figuring out what to do about his job thing as well. Oh, and continuing his search for Marina’s aunt.
Fuck.
There’s just so much he has to do and figure out right now. It’s beyond stressful. Maybe his stress is being projected onto Marina and that’s why she’s having nightmares? Is it his fault? He hopes not, but he can’t be quite sure.
Running his hands down his face, Buck has to stop to take a deep breath to stop himself from spiraling any further. He needs to just focus on keeping Marina alive and happy until the end of the day, because that’s his number one priority. Then, when she’s asleep, he can continue panicking on his own time.
Knowing that Marina slept later today, because of her not being able to sleep well last night, Buck wants to find a way to tire her out, to hopefully get her to sleep on time. He doesn’t want her sleep schedule to be all messed up if he can help it.
So, he decides to take her to the park. Maybe if she runs around enough, she’ll be ready to sleep in no time.
Arriving, Buck isn’t surprised when Marina points towards the swings first. It does seem to be her go to after all. So they walk over, or more accurately, Buck walks, and Marina runs. Though her running speed is no faster than Buck’s walking speed. Buck then lifts her into the baby swing.
Once he pushes her, she immediately bursts into giggles.
“Higher!” She shouts, and Buck pushes her just a smidge harder so the swing goes up a little higher. “Higher!” She repeats.
“I can’t push you any higher, Marina. You’ll end up going all the way around if I do,” Buck jokes, though he is being serious about not being willing to push her any higher than he already is. Marina just keeps giggling as the swing continuously goes back and forth.
It takes longer than usual this time, but eventually, Marina decides she’s had enough of the swings. Buck thinks she’s going to follow her usual pattern and ask him to go down the slide with her, but instead she starts making her way towards the grassy field.
At first he isn’t sure why, but then she approaches a soccer ball that’s just sitting there. She kicks it away from her with a smile, then chases after it.
“Hey, Marina, that’s not yours,” Buck informs, pulling Marina away from it, which earns a pout from her.
“It’s okay, she can play with it,” a kid, probably around ten, offers. Buck sort of wonders how he just seemingly appeared out of nowhere. “I’ll just need it back before I have to go home.”
“Are you sure?” Buck asks, and the kid nods. “Okay. Thanks. I know she’ll appreciate it. Marina, what do you say when someone gives you something?” He prompts.
“T’ank you!” She cheers before kicking the ball again.
“You’re welcome!” The other kid replies before running off to go back to what he was doing before.
Buck watches as Marina repeatedly kicks the ball around and then chases it. Sometimes, if the ball comes close to him, he’ll kick the ball gently in her direction. Each time she grins widely at him. It makes his heart soar. Maybe she’d like a soccer ball for herself. Next time they’re at the store he’ll buy one. It’s never a bad idea to let your kid be active if they want, he figures.
As Marina chases the ball again she slips as she’s kicking it, and falls. Immediately, Buck panics and runs over to her, to see if she’s okay. However, she just gets up with a giggle and kicks the ball again.
She isn’t incredibly clumsy, which Buck is grateful for, but so far every time she’s fallen, she’s just brushed it off like it’s nothing. She’s a tough kid, and Buck is in awe of everything she does and is capable of doing. Although, so far she’s been lucky to escape scrapes or any big bruises, so that might help in her favor.
“Sorry,” the kid from earlier interrupts eventually. “But my mom wants me to go home now.”
“Yeah, of course,” Buck says. “I’ll get the ball for you.”
Walking over to Marina, he picks up the ball before she has a chance to kick it again. She pouts and stomps her foot in complaint.
“Kiddo, we’ve got to give it back,” he tells her. She doesn’t seem to like that though. Turning around, she sits down grumpily with her arms crossed.
Buck ignores that for a moment to thank the kid again and give his ball back. Then he turns back to Marina and asks if she wants to go down the slide now. And that’s all it takes for her to stop being mad that he took the ball away.
—
Thankfully, his plan to tire Marina out so that she’d sleep at night worked flawlessly. After dinner and a bath, she was struggling to keep her eyes open. So, he puts her down for the night, and tries to tackle at least one thing off of his to-do list that never seems to stop growing.
Opening his laptop, the first thing he sees is an email notification. He checks it out, assuming it was something to do with the lease agreement he signed and sent in earlier. It was not. It was from Chase Mackey.
With a roll of his eyes, he opens it. Then when he sees that it’s nothing more than him saying that if he’s changed his mind on what he wants to do, he can contact him. Apparently the offer is good for seventy-two hours. Buck just deletes the email.
He’s not changing his mind on the settlement. That he’s certain of.
Instead of letting that take up any more space on his mind, Buck opens up a new tab to start looking into what to do about Marina’s nightmares.
There’s a lot of varying answers about what to do online, but Buck figures his best course of action will be to find a pediatrician for Marina. He’ll need to do that anyway, and he can just ask them about it. They’ll know what’s best for her, more than a random google search, he assumes.
Now with the new task of finding a doctor for Marina on his list of things that need to be done, he closes his laptop to go take a shower, and get ready to call it a night.
Unfortunately, tonight is no different than last. He can’t seem to succumb to slumber quite as easily as he wishes. So, he’s extra glad he got in a nap earlier in the day.
It’s just that there’s so much on his mind right now. Between the whole work problem and trying to navigate how to raise a daughter, Buck is… Well, he’s overwhelmed right now.
For the first few days of having Marina in his life, he felt sort of like he’d come to get a hang of it. Although, he thinks that it’s just really starting to sink in that this is for life. He’s not just watching Marina for a few nights. She’s his daughter, and he’s now solely responsible for her forever.
Yeah, at some point she’ll become more capable of caring for herself, but that won’t eliminate his role completely. He’s a dad now. Like a legitimate parent that has to make sure that Marina gets taken care of, learns how to exist and do things at a reasonable pace, and succeeds in life. It’s all on him.
That is a terrifying thought. Having children is terrifying. Doing this alone is terrifying.
Maddie is the fun aunt that comes around when needed, but in general, right now, Buck is alone in this. He will make it work, he knows he will. It’s just– Right now he isn’t sure how he will manage that. Because right now, he can barely keep himself going. Let alone an entire other person that needs twenty-four hour care.
If Eddie didn’t have his number blocked, Buck would call him right now. He knows Eddie is mad, but right now Buck needs his best friend. Besides, Eddie is the only one Buck knows that understands what it’s like to be thrown into a single dad role overnight. And truth be told, he thinks Eddie would push aside all the other shit to be supportive if Buck really asked.
Eddie might be mad, but Buck knows him well enough to know that he’d be there for him if he really needs it. And he does. But he just had to go screw things up by starting a damn lawsuit that was pointless in the end. Pointless because he still doesn’t have his damn job back, and he’s screwed up his relationships with the rest of the team in the process.
What’s going to happen if he really doesn’t get his job back? Buck wonders.
He wouldn’t even be able to go back to being a fire marshall if he wanted. One because he’d despise his job so much. It’d be connected to the thing he loves, but in a taunting way. Like dangling a treat in front of a dog, but not letting them have it, no matter how much it begs. Secondly, he thinks he’s lost respect by trying to sue the department. Probably wouldn’t bode well for him if he even bothered to try.
The thing he’s most scared of is screwing up when it comes to Marina. He understands to a degree that he will screw up from time to time. But those moments aren’t what is keeping him up at night. No, it’s the thought that one day Marina could grow up to be as estranged from him as he is with his parents. Hell, if it weren’t for Maddie, he doesn’t think they’d even know where he lived.
Should he tell them about Marina?
It’s a complicated question. Until now, he honestly didn’t even think about it. Is that an answer in and of itself? Maybe. But like he said, it’s complicated. They’re still his parents. They’re technically Marina’s grandparents. What if Marina will resent him for not letting her know them?
He thinks that if Maddie had a child, she’d tell them. However, sometimes it feels like Buck has a different set of parents than Maddie. Though, neither of them won the parent lottery by any means. Maybe he should just ask Maddie what he should do. She would probably have a more wise answer than I don’t really want to, but I feel this sort of weird obligation to.
It’s not like they’re bad people. Buck knows they wouldn’t hurt her. It’s just– Buck isn’t sure they wouldn’t hurt him. They’d probably think he was a terrible father and judge him right to his face; tell him that he has no rights raising a child when he’s such a mess himself.
They might be right in that regard. But it’s not going to stop him from trying his damn best to be a good father anyways. It’s not like he can undo what brought him Marina. Not that he’d ever dream of it. Other than Marina losing her mom. That part he wishes he could change.
All in all, he simply just loves his daughter endlessly, and even though things are tough right now, he’s beyond glad to have her.
Looking to his side, Buck sees Marina sleeping, drooling on her pillow slightly and tries to remember what Maddie told him earlier. So, just take in the fact that she goes to bed every night with a smile as a win; as reassurance that you’re doing alright.
He’s doing alright, he tries to convince himself, to no avail.
Please don’t let me screw this up, he begs to who knows who. Just anyone that will listen and help him out.
—
It takes a while, but eventually he managed to fall asleep, and thankfully, it was one of the nights where Marina slept through without any sort of nightmare.
That does mean she woke up a smidge earlier than usual though. Which Buck wishes wasn’t true, because he could really go for an extra hour of sleep right now. Toddlers don’t wait around, however. So pretty quickly after Buck wakes up, still hoping his daughter falls back asleep, she’s crawling on top of him, asking for waffles.
With a slight sigh, Buck sits up, and smiles at Marina.
“Do you want fruit on your waffles this morning?” He asks as cheerfully as he can manage. She nods with genuine enthusiasm. Buck is glad she’s well rested, he just wishes he was too.
Trying his best to rub sleep out of his eyes, Buck gets up. He starts by making sure Marina goes to the bathroom and brushes her teeth before doing the same himself. He then brings her downstairs. Today was one of the days where she wanted to do it herself, so Buck just hovered really closely as she went down slowly.
When they reach the bottom, Buck cheers and tells her he’s proud of her. She beams at the praise. Then, as per usual, he turns on a song, and dances sleepily with Marina before getting started on breakfast.
He doesn’t exactly have a plan for today, but he knows he’s going to have to cross at least one thing off of his list so he doesn’t spend another night spiraling about how badly he’s failing at everything right now.
But that’s an after breakfast worry. For now, he’s just going to enjoy waffles with his daughter.
Notes:
I'm pretty sure that the next chapter I'm gonna post on Friday has the grocery store fight :P which also means he'll be back at work soon so we're getting closer to ppl finding out about his daughter :D
I'll be off of work next week which means I have a lot of spare time so I might post two chapters again next week
Anyways I really am hoping that you guys are liking this so far and I can't wait until I get to start posting chapters with Eddie and Chris in them :]
Chapter 6
Summary:
intending to apologise to the team, Buck chooses to run into them at the grocery store, of course it doesn't go over smoothly.
Chapter Text
An unexpected knock on Buck’s door interrupts him while he’s putting away dishes from breakfast. Walking over, he does a quick check on the whereabouts of his daughter, then opens the door.
“Oh, Maddie,” Buck says in surprise. “What’re you doing here?”
Marina must have heard Maddie’s name, because she rushes over excitedly, dropping her toy onto the floor. Buck makes a mental note to move it before someone slips. It’s happened to him a time or two already.
“Oh, hi, little one,” Maddie greets, picking her up. Then she turns to Buck. “I’m here to watch her, so you can go talk to the team… and maybe apologise. Chim told me how it went.”
This is actually very relieving for him, because that was something he wanted to get done today. He just wasn’t sure how he’d find the time. Or what he’d do with Marina, because maybe not the best time to introduce her.
He does hope the time is soon though.
“Definitely going to apologise,” Buck confirms.
They both step further inside, and Buck rushes over to finish with the dishes. Maddie tries to tell him that she can do it, but he’s not going to thank her for this by making her do his dishes. Then, once he’s dressed and ready to go, Buck heads out.
It’s once he’s in his car that he realises that he doesn’t actually really have any sort of plan. He could just go to the station, he knows, but that feels wrong for some reason. Maybe it's knowing how unwelcome there he is. Or maybe it’s the fact that he doesn’t want to go back until he gets to really go back.
So, with that in mind, he needs a more well thought out plan. Or just anything better than what he’s currently got at least.
If he wants to run into them while they’re on shift, then he’ll just have to figure out where they might be outside of the station. Maybe he can just check online for any emergencies going on within the radius that the 118 operate out of and ‘ casually’ run into them while they’re out on a call.
No.
That’s a bad idea. He doesn’t want to distract them while they’re actually working. That’d just warrant another apology. But where else would he see them outside the station? Then it hits him. He double checks which day of the week it is. Yup, today’s the day they usually do a grocery run.
Great! He’ll just hang around the grocery store they always go to and wait for them to arrive. The plan is foolproof, he thinks as he starts driving.
The plan was not fool proof. He’s been here for three hours, and still no sight of them. He really hopes that’s because they were on a call, and not because they’ve already gone earlier in the day.
Just as he is about to give up and try something else, he sees the fire engine pull into the parking lot. He watches as they all make their way inside after what Buck assumes was Bobby giving them instructions. Then when he knows they’ll all be busy enough to distract them so they won’t see him walk in, he goes inside too.
This feels sort of stalker-y, Buck thinks to himself as he wanders into a random aisle. Like he very much remembered their schedule then showed up and waited hours just to sneak in to see them. Too late for a new plan though. This one is far too in motion to back out now. Especially now that Hen has clearly spotted him.
As casual as he can, he walks down the food aisle towards her and Chimney. Neither of them seem overly pleased to see him. He feels the opposite.
“Woah, hey, uh, you guys. What’s up?” He asks awkwardly, despite his attempt to make it casual. That makes him mentally slap himself.
Then everyone else seems to flock over like he is a pile of seeds and they are birds once it becomes clear that he is there.
“What are you doing here?” Bobby asks, and it sounds a bit accusatory. Though, Buck totally understands why. He did in fact just randomly show up at their grocery store with the intention of running into them.
He can’t let them know that though.
“Me, I’m just here to– to do some–” He picks up the item closest to him, not looking at what it was beforehand. “Some shopping.” He waves the item in front of them to try and further his point.
“Eight miles from your apartment?” Chimney questions with a deadpan expression, immediately calling Buck’s bluff.
Though, he thinks he can still persuade them. “Yeah, well, this is the only place that has…” For the first time, he looks at what he’s been holding this whole time. Yeah, nope, not really sure what he’s supposed to do with that. “Happy cat laxative powder.”
Of course Hen also finds the lie easily. He’s sure she already knew too. But still, he continues digging himself this hole.
Evidently, saying he’s thinking of getting a cat, would still not explain the cat laxative as Chimney unhelpfully points out. Why can’t they just play along? Does he really have to admit to why he’s really here?
Apparently so.
“Um… Listen, I-I came here to apologise,” he finally lets out, putting the cat laxative back on the shelf. “Okay, I-I never meant for things to get so out of hand with the lawsuit and–”
Eddie cuts him off. “Yeah? What’d you think was gonna happen? The lawsuit’s bad enough, but you told your lawyer everything about us– personal things.”
“You’re supposed to be truthful with your lawyer,” Buck supplies, looking at an infuriated Eddie with confusion and a bit of anger himself. “Why are you so pissed at me?”
It’s not like he’s suing Eddie. Hell, even Bobby isn’t having at him like this. If anyone was going to be yelling at him for this, he’d have thought it would have been him instead.
Pointing at him with clear frustration, Eddie steps closer to Buck. “Because you’re exhausting,” he spits out. “We all have our own problems, but you don’t see us whining about it. No, somehow we just manage to suck it up. Why can’t you?”
“That’s kinda harsh,” Chimney cuts in. “It’s not like the guy asked to be crushed by a ladder truck,” he defends, and Buck appreciates it.
“No, but he filed a stupid lawsuit, and now I can’t even talk to you because of it.” And without missing a beat, Eddie adds, “You know how much Christopher misses you?” Once again, not leaving any space for a response, he continues, “How could you? You’re not around?”
“I-I didn’t realise that,” Buck confesses, feeling guilty immediately. He never meant for Chris to be affected by all of this. He knows he’ll have to do what he can to make up for it. “Maybe I can come and visit Christopher. You know, the lawsuit doesn’t prevent that,” he offers, though Eddie doesn’t seem to view it as enough of anything.
And technically, since he decided to drop it, it doesn’t matter regardless.
“No, it prevents me from reaching out to you. I couldn’t even call you to bail me out of jail,” Eddie complains, confusing Buck. With a tilted head, Buck sees that he’s not the only one thrown off by that statement. Did Eddie get arrested? When? Why? “If that was something that happened,” he tacks on as what seems like an afterthought. He’ll have to ask him more about that when they’re no longer fighting.
Right now though, he has some thoughts of his own.
“What– What are you talking about?” He asks, becoming increasingly frustrated himself. This is definitely not how he thought this would go. “Look man, why can’t you see my side of this?”
If anyone could see this from his perspective and understand where he’s coming from, he thought it’d be Eddie. They’ve known each other not much longer than a year at this point, but the degree to which they just get each other is honestly, sort of ridiculous. So, why is this so different?
“‘Cause that’s all you see,” Eddie snaps, stepping right up to him, pointing an accusatory finger at Buck.
“Look, I am sorry that I haven’t been around,” Buck apologises sincerely because he does mean that. If he could go back and figure out a way to somehow at least be there for Chris, he would. “I’m not sorry for fighting for myself, though.”
Because that’s just it. That’s all this was. If no one is going to stand up for him, then he needs to be the one to do it.
Eddie just scoffs at him. “Like I said, we all have our own problems. But at least mine aren’t self made. Not that you’d know anything about them, because you’d rather make all of your problems everyone else's instead.”
“Hey, it’s not like I asked for any of this to happen,” Buck argues. “Besides, it’s not like you’ve been there to help me with any of my shit either!”
“And who’s fault is that?” Eddie gives Buck a pointed look. “Look, I’m done arguing with you. I’m gonna finish my shift, then go home and take care of my child, all while you wither away in self pity. Honestly, it’s a good thing you don’t have a child of your own, you’d probably be too busy with your crap that you’d do a shit job raising them.”
“Woah, Eddie–” Chimney starts, but then gets cut off by the sound of a crash coming from the parking lot. Or everyone except for Buck, who is stuck hearing that last sentence from Eddie on repeat in his head.
He thinks he hears Hen and Chimney say something, but he doesn’t quite catch what it was. Doesn’t really matter though, because they’re all trailing after one another out towards the incident in the parking lot.
Buck follows too, but he’s just sort of going through the motions. He watches for a moment, seeing them work, then hurriedly makes his way to his jeep, wanting out of there as soon as he can.
This went about as horribly as he could have imagined. Actually, probably worse.
Sitting behind the wheel, Buck frustratedly hits his hands against the steering wheel, accidentally honking the horn. Which in turn brings all their eyes onto him once again. Then, before he even has a chance to put on his seatbelt, he’s backing out of the spot. It’s when he reaches the edge of the parking lot, facing away from them, that he puts it on.
He simply just wanted to get out of there as quickly as he could.
“How’d it go?” Maddie asks as he walks into his apartment.
Buck huffs a self deprecating chuckle. “So, Eddie hates me, and thinks I’m a horrible dad.”
He has to blink away the tears that are threatening to escape him, not wanting to cry over something so ridiculous as Eddie having a poor opinion of him. It hurts like hell though, because he cares a lot about what Eddie thinks of him.
Eddie threw a bunch of crap at him, and the entire time Buck just knew that it came from a place of frustration and probably stress of some sort. It was most likely just him spitting out what he knew would hurt him the most, in the way Eddie tends to do when he’s overwhelmed with emotions. He goes for the jugular, because he’s scared and doesn’t know what else to do.
That though– Him making that last comment– that felt far too real for Buck’s liking. It’s not like Eddie would even know that was a sore spot for him. He must have just said it because that’s what he thinks of him.
Hell, it’s what Buck lies awake thinking at night too.
“I doubt that,” Maddie claims with a shake of her head paired with a roll of her eyes. “What really happened?”
Buck gives her a rundown of just about everything that went down in the grocery store. She just hums from time to time to let him know that she was listening. Then once he’s done talking, she gives him her opinion.
“Okay, I think that was a–” Maddie appears to be checking to hear if she hears any noise from upstairs, indicating that Marina is up from her nap. There isn’t, but she still whispers this next word. “ Shitty thing for him to say. And if you want me to, I’ll fight him. But I’m sure that at that moment he wanted you to hurt just as much as he’s been hurting from all of this.”
“But how would he even know that would hurt me so much? It’s not like he knows about Marina,” Buck questions, praying Maddie has some sort of helpful answer.
“From what you told me… It almost seems like he’s upset that you haven’t really been around to help… parent Chris, like you usually do.” She’s speaking a little hesitantly when she says that, like she’s unsure how Buck would react to the comment. “Which is not your responsibility. And he shouldn’t just be expecting it from you, not without a proper discussion at least, even though you do usually provide in that way.”
Is that what Eddie was hinting at? Was he implying that he was some sort of deadbeat dad? He guesses in a way he was. He wasn’t around for Marina’s first two– almost three years. And now he’s not around for Chris either.
But it’s different with Chris. Chris isn’t actually his kid, no matter how much Buck loves him. He helps out as much as he can, sure, but that’s just because he wants to. He cares about both the Diazes, and would move mountains for them if they needed him to. But it’s just because Eddie is his best friend, and who wouldn’t do all that for their best friend and their son?
“My bet is that he’s scared to be raising Chris on his own again. Which I’m sure is something you can understand,” Maddie guesses.
“Yeah, that– That makes sense,” Buck agrees, but adds, “I’m not Chris’ dad though in any way shape or form, and I’m pretty sure Eddie is on the same page there. So, I don’t get why that’d matter.”
“But he has seen you with Chris, so he’d know how much you love kids,” Maddie points out, and when she can see that Buck still doesn’t seem convinced, she adds, “Buck, the way you want to be a dad is so obvious, you might as well have it tattooed on your forehead. So, of course he’d know to use that against you if he was looking for something.”
With a shrug, Buck sighs, “Maybe.
Then Maddie walks up to him, placing a hand on each of his arms. “You are a great dad. Don’t let what some idiot said in an argument make you think otherwise,” she says firmly.
“Don’t call him an idiot,” Buck scolds, not wanting her to say anything bad about him.
She rolls her eyes. “You’re right. You’re the idiot.”
Buck just gives her a half offended look, but doesn’t argue. Maybe she’s right. He did try suing his boss into giving him his job back, which has done nothing but cause trouble.
“I think the reason I’m having a hard time not believing it, is because I keep worrying that I am a bad dad,” Buck confesses. “And I know what you’re going to say.” He holds up her hands to stop her from interrupting. “But realistically, I’m not actually doing a good job. I can’t provide for her without going into increasing credit card debt. I can’t even let her meet who I want to be part of her family, because I’ve made them all pissed at me. I can’t stop her nightmares. I can’t–”
Maddie stops him by wiping a tear off of his cheek. He didn’t even realise he started crying. Though, it makes sense with how overwhelmed he’s been feeling lately. “Buck–” She has a sad expression on her face. “I know you might not believe me, but you are doing incredible given your situation. One day you’ll look back on this, and see that you are doing your best. Not just trying your best, but actually doing it. She adores you, Buck. And I’ve seen how exhausted you’ve been because you’ve been trying to do everything with minimal help.”
Buck tries to wipe the tears from his face but more just keep coming.
“I don’t know how to do any of this,” he admits. “I think for the first few days it just felt like extended babysitting, but now– I don’t know. How am I supposed to be a dad when I clearly can’t even take care of myself? I can’t even get my damn job back.”
“How come you didn’t tell me you were feeling this overwhelmed?” Maddie asks, giving Buck a sympathetic look.
“Because it's not your problem, Maddie,” Buck breathes out.
“No matter how much taller than me you are, or how old you get, you’ll always be my baby brother. Which means, yeah, this is my problem too, because I don’t want to see you like this.” Honestly, Buck isn’t sure how he made it through those years without his sister. He’s glad he has her now though. “If you need me to take her for a night so you can sleep, I’m here. If you need help paying for things until you’re back on your feet at work, I’ve got you. I won’t let you crumble, okay?”
Buck nods, giving her an appreciative smile. Then when she holds her arms open, Buck accepts her hug without hesitance.
“Looks like someone is up,” Maddie points out, gesturing in the direction of upstairs.
Looking up, Buck smiles when he sees his messy haired daughter looking at them as she rubs sleep from her eyes. Buck makes his way upstairs to greet her, immediately picking her up and pulling her into a hug.
When she leans away, she gives Buck a curious look, followed by a head tilt, like she’s trying to figure something out.
“Why sad?” Marina asks quietly, reaching out to pat her hand where he must still have tear tracks down his cheek.
Pulling her in closer, Buck leaves a kiss on her cheek. “I just had a bad morning,” he explains. “But now that I’m back with you, I’m happier than ever.” He proves his point by giving her a big smile, and hugs her a little tighter. She giggles as he makes his way downstairs with her.
“There’s pizza on the way,” Maddie announces when they reach the main level. Buck gives her a confused look as Marina cheers excitedly. Maddie then whispers to him, “Just helping out.”
“Great, that means I can use this time to try and figure out how to find a subletter,” Buck says, already thinking up ideas in his head. “I move in less than two weeks. I cannot afford double rent.”
“Or…” Maddie chimes in, pushing Buck towards the couch. Marina follows, then climbs on the couch herself. “You could relax for a few minutes. Watch a movie with your daughter or something.” Buck is about to say something, but Maddie stops him. “Before you say anything. I think I might know of someone looking for a place. I’ll ask them if they’re interested.”
“Who?”
Marina is pressing random buttons on the TV remote, and Buck assumes she’s trying to put on something for herself. She doesn’t know how to though, so there’s just static playing. He grabs the remote to switch the input back, then puts on a channel she usually likes.
“I think it’s my coworker’s daughter’s friend’s sister.” She looks unconvinced when she says it. “Doesn’t matter. All I heard was she’s looking for a place just like this.”
“That’d be great actually.” That would be more than great. It’d be a lifesaver. If he could cross this one thing off of his list, then he’d feel much less stressed out.
“I’ll message my coworker, and we’ll see.” Maddie sits on the couch besides Buck. “Now, what movie are we watching?”
—
There’s very few things that could bring him as much relief right now as the text message he just got from Maddie. The person she– through multiple other people– knows, that was looking for a place, just so happens to be interested in the loft.
Buck asks for her contact information so he can finalize any details. But according to what Maddie said, she was just about one hundred percent on board with this place. Apparently it’s within her budget, and super close to her work. Fantastic!
The move is in exactly one week. Which means he should probably start packing, he figures. Honestly, he should have started as soon as he got approved for the new house. Now he’s just going to be scrambling to get it done.
“Do you wanna go to the store so I can buy some boxes?” Buck asks Marina, who’s currently messily filling out a page in a colouring book. “We can stop and get ice cream on the way,” he persuades, knowing that she’s not going to find any enjoyment in him grabbing packing supplies, or him spending the day packing.
Marina looks hesitant to stop her coloring, but eventually she does nod in agreement. Which is good, because she was going whether she wanted to or not. This just makes it easier on Buck.
They make it to the ice cream place without problems, but apparently they’re all out of bubblegum. And that’s a problem, because apparently, that’s the only flavour Marina wants.
“How about cotton candy?” Buck asks, which is like the seventh substitution he’s suggested. She still shakes her head, pouting.
“I wan’ bubblegum!” She shouts, and Buck gives the few other people in the store an apologetic look.
“Marina, if you want ice cream, you have to pick something else,” Buck explains firmly. “They don’t have any bubble gum, and we aren’t going somewhere else to find some.”
“No!” She shouts with a stomp of one of her feet.
“ Marina.”
She just shakes her head, giving him an angry look, and crossing her arms dramatically.
“Last chance before we leave,” he tells her, hoping she accepts it. However, when has having a two year old ever been that easy? Not now, that’s for sure. Marina just continues to pout. “I’m sorry,” Buck apologises to the poor highschool employee. “I’m just gonna go.”
Picking Marina up, she continues to be fussy as he carries her out of there. He lets out a frustrated sigh.
He gets her strapped into her car seat, then makes his way to the driver's door. When he’s sat down, he takes a deep breath, then turns to Marina. “I’m sorry, but no ice cream today. Sometimes they don’t have all the flavors and you have to make a different choice. It’s out of my control. I understand you are upset about it, and that’s okay, but you shouldn’t shout like that. If you are good while I’m shopping, I’ll let you have a cookie when we get home, okay? But you have to try your best to be good.”
Marina still has a pouty expression on her face, but she nods.
“Okay, good.” Buck gives her a smile. “I love you, Marina.”
“Love you, Daddy,” she says quietly, looking out the window, or maybe it’s the finger prints she’s leaving on it that she's looking at.
Did she just call him Daddy? She hasn’t done that yet. Buck wishes he could capture this moment somehow, like screenshot the memory and make it his brain’s lockscreen. Buck has half a mind to just drive to every ice cream shop until they find bubblegum ice cream right now. He would if it didn’t teach her the wrong lesson.
This is a big moment. His first time being called dad by his daughter. He’ll make sure to spread the news to Maddie when he gets home. He wishes he could celebrate it with Eddie too though. But he’s not going to dwell on that, because he doesn’t want to ruin his great mood.
She called me dad.
Blinking a couple times to stop any happy tears from forming, Buck starts driving, because if he dwells on it too much, he’d be a mess and they’d never get anything done today. And that can’t happen, because he’s already strapped for time in terms of this move.
Maybe he can give her two cookies when they get home. Just for the special occasion.
In the meantime though, he has supplies he needs to buy. So, when they arrive at the store, Buck gets Marina seated in one of the shopping carts, and makes his way through. He doesn’t think he needs much, just some boxes, tape, and something to cushion fragile items. Which all should be easy enough to find.
And it was.
They managed to be in and out in less than five minutes. And as Marina promised, she was incredibly well behaved the whole time, so Buck tells her that she’s earned herself some cookies. She’s happy about that, seemingly forgetting about the ice cream mishap in the first place.
As he’s driving home, Buck’s phone starts ringing with an unfamiliar number. He picks up anyways.
“Go for Buck.”
“Hi, my name’s Ashley,” the girl on the phone greets. “Maddie gave me your number. I’m the one hoping to sublet from you.”
“Oh, hi. Yes. Are you interested in checking out the place before we finalise things?” Buck asks.
“Yeah, I was hoping to maybe swing by after my shift. Around six-ish. If that works for you,” Ashley inquires.
“That works perfect,” Buck tells her. “I’ll see you then.”
When the call is done, Buck is just pulling up to his apartment building. He gets Marina out of her seat, then the two of them make their way upstairs.
When they enter the apartment, Marina wanders to the kitchen, reaching up in the direction she knows the cookies are in. Although, she’s far too short to actually reach them. So, instead, she just gives Buck a look, like she’s asking him to get them for her.
Walking over, Buck chuckles slightly. Then he reaches for where he left the cookies, pulling out a few. He keeps a couple for himself, and gives Marina two.
“Here you go,” he says as he passes them to her. She smiles wide as she takes them, then makes her way to climb on the couch to eat them. Buck already knows that he’s going to have plenty of crumbs to clean off of the couch once she’s done.
Too late to make her sit elsewhere though, he realises, watching crumbs fall as she takes a bite.
“Do you want to go back to coloring after?” Buck asks, “Or watch something?”
With her mouth full, Marina mumbles something he can’t quite make out, but if he had to guess, he’d say coloring. But that’s only because she’s pointing at the colouring book on the floor.
“Okay, just don’t talk with your mouth full,” Buck reminds her. “I’m going to start packing things, okay?” Marina nods, and now that she’s done her cookies, she’s laying back on the ground to colour again.
With Marina all settled for at least a little bit, Buck grabs a couple boxes, putting them together, and setting them on his counter. Obviously, he can’t pack any essentials that either of them will need in the next few days, so he starts with boxing up items that he can live without for a bit.
A few filled boxes later, Buck goes to check up on Marina again. He spots her sleeping on the floor, face pressed against her coloring book and crayon half dangling out of her hand.
Walking up to her, Buck grabs the crayon, putting it back in its box. Then he gently picks Marina up, and carries her upstairs. She shifts slightly, but doesn’t seem to wake up as he puts her down on the bed. “Have a good nap,” he whispers, giving her head a kiss.
Stepping back downstairs, Buck calls his sister.
Picking up after the third ring, Maddie greets, “ Hey, Buck. Everything alright? ”
Buck is quite confident that the smile he’s sporting is quite noticeable in his tone when he replies, “Yeah, Marina, uh, called me dad for the first time.”
Maddie hums like she’s confused, which just makes Buck confused in return.
“What?”
“ Have you really not heard her call you dad before?” She questions. When Buck explains that no, he has not, she says, “ Well, she’s been referring to you as daddy to me since the first day I met her. ”
“She… What? Really?”
Maddie hums in confirmation.
“Oh…”
“ Why would she call you anything else?” Buck knows the question is rhetorical, that she’s just saying it to make a point. “She was told you were her dad, and you stepped up and became exactly that. You love her, take care of her, and gave her a home. To her, she’s seen nothing other than you being a dad to her. And, like I’ve told you time and time again, an amazing one at that.”
Having Maddie keep reassuring him that he’s not failing Marina miserably is definitely a helpful thing. He still has a tough time believing it fully, but she’s not one to lie to him when it’s not necessary, so he knows the conviction in her voice isn’t an act.
“ I know you seem to think you’re constantly messing up, but I’m pretty sure every parent feels like that. You’re new to this, but you are a good example of what a dad should be. While I’m not sure how you haven’t heard her call you dad yet, I’m happy for you, Buck.”
“I learned from the best, how to parent, I mean,” Buck says, feeling an overwhelming amount of emotions from Maddie’s words.
Scoffing, Maddie argues, “ Don’t think Mom and Dad were exactly prime examples. ”
“I didn’t mean them. I meant you,” Buck corrects. “You were the one who actually raised me after all.”
“ And trust me, I had no idea what to do other than love you, Buck, and you turned out pretty great,” Maddie replies, a smile in her words.
—
When a knock comes on his door at six o’clock sharp, Buck is only surprised by the punctuality, but not by the person.
“Ashley, I’m assuming,” Buck says, holding out a hand for her to shake.
She shakes it, and confirms, “Yes, that’s me.”
“Come in.” Buck gestures for her to step inside. “Feel free to look around. Ask any questions you may have.”
“Wow, the natural light in this place is great,” she points out. “Honestly, it’s more space than I was expecting.”
“Yeah, it’s a nice place,” Buck agrees. “If I didn’t need more space for my daughter and I, I could imagine myself living here for a few years.”
“And is the amount the same that Maddie sent me?” Ashley asks, walking into the living room space. Marina gives her a curious but shy glance. Ashley just smiles and gives a polite wave.
“Uh, yeah. That’s my exact rent,” Buck informs. “Although, if you don’t need a parking space we can remove that from the lease and you’d save that amount.”
“Oh, good to know, because yeah, I don’t have a car,” she explains. “Which makes the location all the better. I can just walk to work from here.” She makes her way up to the loft, Buck follows her.
“Well, we can get that all sorted for you for when you move in,” Buck tells her as she checks out the upstairs bathroom. “Are you sold on the place then?”
With a smile and a nod, she says, “Yeah. This place is perfect for what I need.”
And with that, Buck and her finalise a few things before she heads on out. Buck then sends Maddie a thank you text, explaining that Ashley is going to be subletting from him. She replies with a few celebratory emojis.
At least that’s one stressor gone.
Notes:
I'm currently at the airport eating chips for breakfast as i am posting this lol
we're getting so close to eddie being a regular in this fic!!! i'm pretty sure he's not in the next chapter tho... i did make him a little extra mean in this as apposed to in canon, but given that eddie threw the apartment fire in bobby's face in a later season, it doesn't feel too out of character, but yeah i just did it for plot sake i guess. mostly just to continue highlighting buck feeling like he's struggling feeling like he isn't doing as good as he is.
anyways, excited for the new season to start in october, even tho that feels so far away rn. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, see y'all on tuesday probably cuz i'll have time to post an extra chapter again this week :)))
Chapter 7
Summary:
As Buck is moving into his new place, Bobby calls him and invites him to join the team at the rage room.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Am I seeing things, or is Bobby calling me?” Buck asks, a surprised expression on his face as he’s turning his phone towards Maddie. When he heard his phone ringing, Bobby was probably the last person he was expecting to be popping up as the contact.
“Not seeing things,” Maddie confirms. “You should probably answer that.”
“Right.” Clicking the answer button, Buck pulls the phone up to his ear and greets Bobby. “Hey, Bobby. Surprised to see you calling. Thought I was hallucinating for a second.” He lets out an awkward chuckle.
“ Hey, Buck. The team and I are going to a rage room after our shift on Wednesday. If you’d like to come, you’re invited, ” Bobby tells him, and Buck is stunned. That was not what he was expecting, though he’s pleasantly surprised.
“Yeah, I’ll try to be there,” Buck assures, then after Bobby acknowledges it and hangs up, Buck turns to Maddie. “So, do you work Wednesday evening?”
“You’re lucky I love your daughter so much that I’m spending a fair chunk of my free time lately watching her for you,” Maddie huffs out with a chuckle. “Of course I’ll watch her. Where you guys going?”
“Rage room.”
“Seems fitting.”
Currently, Maddie is helping him move into his new place. They were in the middle of loading boxes into the U-Haul Buck rented when Bobby called. Or more so Buck was in the middle of loading boxes while Maddie watched Marina try and climb onto the boxes.
“I think this is the last of it,” Buck proclaims. “Let me just run upstairs one last time to double check.”
“Go ahead.” Maddie stops Marina from climbing over a box before she gets too far out of reach. “I’ll get her strapped into her car seat.”
The plan is to have Maddie drive his Jeep to the new place, and Buck will drive the U-Haul. Then when they’re done, he’ll drive Maddie back to her car.
Quickly, Buck makes his way up to his apartment to do a final sweep of the place; make sure nothing was left behind. It’s pretty easy for him to determine that they’ve got everything, with how empty the place is.
It’s weird looking at it all empty again. It’s not like he lived here all that long, but there was so much that happened in that time frame. That makes it feel like he lived a whole lifetime there already. It’s also the first place he met his daughter. The first place they lived together, and there might not be a ton of good memories here, but it gave him that. And for that, he’ll forever cherish this place.
When he makes it back down to where the U-Haul is parked, he sees that Maddie has brought the Jeep over, with Marina in the back. She rolls down the window. “See you there, then?”
“Yup.”
Buck climbs into the driver side of the U-Haul, and starts driving in the direction of his new place. Maddie follows behind. Buck knows she has the address, because she has a copy of the lease, but she said she’d prefer to just follow him.
As they arrive, Maddie parks the jeep on the street on the opposite side of him so Buck could pull the U-Haul closer to the house. Maddie then gets Marina out of the vehicle, and brings her over to Buck.
“You excited that we’re at our new house?” Buck asks Marina, voice cheery and enthusiastic to hopefully make her more excited about it. It must work, because Marina nods quickly. Turning to Maddie, Buck explains, “I’ll start bringing stuff in, and if you can, can you separate them by room?”
“Of course.”
So, that’s what Buck does. He starts by bringing in the first few boxes. When he’s about to step out to grab another, Maddie stops him. “This place is so nice, Buck. I see why you wanted it so badly.”
“Right!” Buck agrees.
“The fact that you managed to find a nice three bedroom for that amount of rent is kind of insane,” she points out, and Buck can’t help but agree to that too.
It’s empty right now, but Buck can picture ways to make it their family home. Like maybe he can mark Marina’s height on a wall in her bedroom. Or maybe Buck can save up and buy a swing set for her in the backyard. In the living room they can set up some sort of gaming console for when Chris comes over. If Eddie ever forgives him, that is.
Smiling as he takes a look around, Buck feels at home, content and happy right now.
But he still has a bunch of boxes and furniture to bring in, so he stops imagining a future put together home, and starts actually working towards it.
As they’re carrying his couch inside, Maddie complains, “I really wish you hadn’t gone and pissed off all your strong firefighter friends right now.”
“Relax, it’s not that heavy,” Buck argues, and even though he can’t see Maddie right now from the way they’re holding the couch, he knows she just rolled her eyes at him.
“For you, maybe,” she scoffs, slightly bumping the couch against the wall.
Buck turns his head to make sure he’s not about to run into his daughter, and when he sees her sitting on a chair on the other end of the room, he continues walking.
When they finally set the couch down, Maddie gives him an unamused expression. “I’m never helping you move again, just so you know. So, you better make good with everyone before you up and move next time.”
Buck chuckles slightly. “Okay, I’ll try my best.”
“You better.”
By the time they’ve got everything inside and somewhat split into each room, it’s well into the afternoon. There’s no way in hell he’ll be able to unpack much today. Especially with how antsy Marina is getting.
Honestly, he’s impressed with how good she’s been all day. There were hardly any complaints coming from her, just a few times when she begged Buck to play with her because she was bored. Each time, Maddie stepped in to entertain her while Buck focused on the heavy lifting.
All in all, Buck would surprisingly consider today’s move a success. He was so convinced that it would go way wrong at some point, with how everything in his life seems to be going. But nope, maybe he’s finally paid his debt to the universe for whatever it is that he did, and it’s finally giving him some leeway.
Maddie had to leave not long after they got everything inside, because apparently she has a date planned with Chimney today. That’s another thing that’s weird to him, his sister dating his coworker. Although, he has to say, they’re kind of perfect for each other. He’s just happy that she’s finally happy.
Still weird though.
So, with Maddie gone, it’s just Buck and Marina left in their new home.
“Well, I can’t really cook, unless I want to dig through several boxes to find what I need– And I don’t really want to do that,” Buck voices to Marina as she’s busy coloring in a page from her coloring book. “So, how does pizza sound?”
Marina looks at him excitedly. Buck has come to learn that she absolutely loves pizza, so that response isn’t entirely a surprise. “Pepponi, p’ease!” She requests, and Buck finds the way she struggles to pronounce pepperoni adorable.
“Of course. I’d never forget to get pepperoni,” Buck claims with a grin.
Then he pulls out his phone to make the order. He selects Marina’s choice of pepperoni, and one of the featured pizzas that they have on their page, because it looked so good that he could immediately feel his mouth start salivating.
With that done, Buck asks, “Do you want to help me set up your bedroom?” Because if can only get one room done today, he’s going to make sure it’s Marina’s.
With her small nod, Buck walks over, reaches a hand out, and helps her up off of the floor. Sometimes he wonders how she’s comfortable on the ground for such long periods of time, but then he figures it’s probably just because she’s two and doesn’t have all those unwanted body aches yet.
And she never will, because she’s not allowed to grow up, Buck decides. He loves the idea of her staying this small and innocent forever, not her growing up and becoming a teenager one day, then eventually a full grown adult. Nope. That terrifies him more than raising her now already does.
The bedframe he bought for her is still in pieces in the corner of the room, and Buck figures that’s a good place to start.
“While I put your bed together, you can play with your toys, okay?” Buck tells Marina. She nods, sitting down in the middle of the room, reaching out for a couple of her toys. Although, when he starts putting the pieces together, she insists she helps. So Buck lets her pass him the items he needs when he needs them.
It’s not difficult for him to figure out how to put it together with the instructions provided. But to be fair, there’s not very many pieces to begin with. The most time consuming part is just screwing in the screws.
When it’s done, Buck sees that Marina got bored of waiting for him and got busy using a box as a house for her stuffies. He smiles at her, then pushes the bed into the corner of the room, lifting the mattress on top. It’s a small bed, and it’s close to the ground, so Buck thinks it’ll be perfect for her for now. Eventually she’ll need something bigger though.
“Do you want the shark sheets for now, or the fire trucks?” He may have picked the fire truck ones himself because he saw them and got excited. Marina didn’t care for them much. She still doesn’t, evidently, with how she’s pointing at the sharks. “Not even sure why I asked,” he says with a chuckle.
Putting on the shark sheets overtop of the protective bedding cover he bought, he drapes a plain blue blanket over top. He pairs that with a blue pillow cover over her pillow. Then he tosses a couple stuffed animals that she’s not playing with onto the bed along with it. He notices that he doesn’t even recognize all of her toys anymore, figuring some of them must be coming from Maddie.
“What do you think?” Buck asks, showing Marina the completed bed. “Do you like it?”
Marina walks over, and climbs onto the bed, clutching her stuffed shark in her hand. She lays down, then looks over to Buck. “I like it,” she admits, chewing on one of the fins of the shark slightly. Buck finds that she does that when she’s either tired, bored, or distracted. He’s not sure which this is yet.
“Which wall do you want me to paint sharks on?” He did promise her that he would. Though he’s still not sure how he’s meant to pull that off with his absolute zero experience. “This one?” He points to the wall across from her bed. “Then you can see it when you’re laying down in bed. Or that one?” He points to the wall her bed is up against.
“Dat one,” she mumbles, pointing at the wall across from her.
“That one it is then,” Buck agrees cheerfully. Surely his two year old won't judge his poor art skills too badly. Hopefully. “Are you sleepy?” He asks when he sees her eyes slipping shut. She nods. “Okay, let’s get you up so you don’t fall asleep before you’ve eaten, then you can go to bed early tonight. I know you didn’t sleep well last night.”
Neither did he because of it, which only made having to move everything all the worse. He is a firefighter though, so he’s used to doing difficult tasks with not enough sleep. He’s not being paid to do this though, which is unfortunate, because he’s spent so much on items for Marina’s room over the past week. Maddie was nice enough to chip in and pay for some of it though, despite Buck insisting that she really didn’t have to; that he could just pay it off soon. Hopefully.
Buck picks Marina up, who drops her toy in the process. Crouching down, Buck picks it up before giving it back to her. “Food should be here any minute now, so you don’t have to stay up long. I just don’t want you to be hungry, okay?”
And just as he said that, the doorbell rings. Buck walks over with Marina on his hip and opens it for the delivery person. He pays, making sure to leave a tip. Then, balancing Marina on one hip and the two pizza boxes with his other arm, he makes his way to their kitchen. He plops the boxes on the counter before bringing Marina over to their table and getting her seated.
Coming back, Buck has two plates of food. One has a slice of pizza for his daughter, and the other has three slices mixed between the two kinds for himself.
“I hope you like our new home,” Buck voices looking at Marina with a fond smile. It’s their home, and he’s looking forward to all the memories it’ll bring. “Now enjoy your pepperoni pizza so you can sleep.” She doesn’t wait for him to finish that sentence before she’s taking a bite almost too big, scaring Buck a little bit. “Small bites, Marina. Like this.” He takes a small bite to show her an example. Her next bite is thankfully much smaller.
They finish eating their pizza, and Buck leaves it out to deal with after he puts her to bed. She looks like she’s struggling to stay awake, so he doesn’t want to keep her up.
“Let’s get you to go potty before bed, and brush your teeth,” Buck explains as he guides her to the bathroom.
When that’s all done, Buck brings Marina to her new room and tucks her into bed. He then makes sure that there’s nothing in her room that she could get into in the middle of the night that’d hurt her. When he deems it safe, he sits down next to her, watching her struggle to keep her eyes open.
Rubbing her back as she lays on her stomach, Buck asks, “Do you want a story?”
“Yes, p’ease,” she murmurs into her pillow.
Buck pulls a book from a box that’s sitting in the opposite corner of the room. He was hoping he’d be able to get more of her room done today, but time just got away too fast. He then sits back down next to her, and reads one of the short stories from inside the book. He’s not even halfway through before she’s fast asleep.
Leaning down, Buck leaves a soft kiss on her head, whispering, “I love you, kiddo. Sweet dreams.”
He’s pretty beat himself, so he doesn’t think he’ll be able to get much else of anything done today. So, he focuses on the more important things, like safety. He puts up all the baby proofing items he had from his last place, and puts away anything that could harm her if she got into it.
Not all of it is in its permanent place, but it’s out of reach, and right now that’s all that matters.
Before he makes his way to his room to relax before falling asleep himself, Buck plugs in a few night lights. He puts one in Marina’s room, then a couple in the hallway so that if Marina needs him in the middle of the night, she’ll be able to find him.
There’s a ton of moving in work that he needs to do, but for now, he’s content. So he plops down onto his mattress that’s currently just laying on the floor, and pulls out his phone to scroll aimlessly online until he feels like it’s not too early to sleep anymore.
—
Waking up, the first thing he notices is that Marina is using him as a pillow. So, clearly, at some point in the night she made her way over. He hopes that it wasn't because of a nightmare, because he didn’t wake up when she came in. He’d hate it if he didn’t comfort her after one.
He kind of really needs to piss right now, but he doesn’t want to move her, because he doesn’t want to wake her up any earlier than necessary. So, he just tries to will the feeling away for a little bit, knowing she doesn’t tend to sleep in usually.
Thankfully she woke up not more than fifteen minutes later.
“Good morning, sleepy head,” Buck greets, hugging her a little tighter for a second. “Did you have a bad dream last night?” She shakes her head no. Buck is relieved about that. “Good, I’m glad. I’m going to get up and go pee, then I can find the waffle maker and make you some waffles. How does that sound?”
With an enthusiastic nod, Marina cheers at that. Then Buck gets up, and finally goes to the bathroom before helping Marina do the same. They brush their teeth side by side after, Buck then double checking that she did a decent job.
Thankfully, he had a relatively good idea where the waffle maker was, because it was one of the last things he packed, so it didn’t take too long to find. When he sets it on the counter, Buck turns to Marina, who is standing patiently, and pulls out his phone. He selects a song he remembers Marina liking the sound of, and presses play. Can’t let the first morning in the house go by without following their silly little tradition.
Holding a hand out, Buck waits for Marina to put her hand in his, then he twirls her a couple times as she giggles joyfully. Then he picks her up and sways to the beat of the music, watching the excitement on Marina’s face grow. This is definitely his favorite part of the day, getting to see Marina this happy and cheerful. Amelia was right, this is a good way to start a day. Makes it feel like they’re setting the day up for success; for it to be a good one.
Putting Marina down, he lets her twirl around on her own.
“Wow, you’re such a good dancer, Marina!” He cheers her on. She giggles as she keeps on dancing. Maybe he should consider dance lessons for when she’s a bit older. Definitely swimming too. She’d love swim lessons, he thinks.
When the song is over, Marina pouts for a second before she sees Buck starting on the waffles. Buck chuckles to himself at that. “I don’t have any fruit to put on top today, sorry. Maybe we can go grocery shopping later? I can get you more of those crackers you like.”
The other day Maddie showed up at his place with a box of Cheez-It crackers. She loves these, Buck, and it’s a shame that you didn’t have any for her at home, is what she told him. Apparently it’s been a go-to snack when Marina is at Maddie’s place. As it turns out, Buck loves them too, and the two of them made it through the box in no time.
“Yes, p’ease!” She requests politely, giving him a smile.
And who is Buck to say no to that? “Anything else you want?” He pulls out his phone, writing down a list of items on his phone.
Marina looks like she’s thinking, resting her head on her hand before she says, “Gummies!” Then after a short pause, she adds, “P’ease.”
Buck finds her politeness absolutely endearing, so that’s why he easily agrees to the sugary snack. “Added.” He does a check motion with his hand as he says so.
So far the list just reads,
- Fruit
- Crackers
- Gummies
This is what makes him realize just how bad he is at making grocery lists. Normally in this scenario, if he was wanting to come up with something good, he'd ask Bobby for his opinion. He wants to make sure he’s finding a good mix between healthy and enjoyable for his daughter, but he’s still not settled on what that is yet.
Bobby did reach out to him yesterday, so maybe he could? But the anxious pit in his stomach at the idea of calling him when they’re definitely not on great terms prevents him from doing so.
For now, he’ll just keep winging it, he supposes.
Getting back to the waffles, Buck finishes mixing the batter before pouring a good amount onto the waffle maker. While he waits for it to cook, he picks Marina up and sets her down on the counter so she could watch better.
“And when this little light comes on,” Buck starts explaining, pointing to the indicator light. Marina watches with intrigue. “That means it’s ready. And we just open it up,” he narrates as he does so. “Then we carefully transfer the waffle onto a plate. Tada!” Marina then claps her hands in celebration of the finished waffle, earning an even wider grin from Buck.
He repeats the process, making half a waffle for Marina, knowing she’ll probably only make it through half of that. And when they’re both done, he pulls Marina off the counter, and carries her to her chair at the dining table. Then he goes back to grab both of their plates and sits down next to her.
After cutting up her waffle for her, Buck pours some syrup on it and passes her a fork. She smiles as he takes her first bite.
Buck’s got to say, it’s shaping up to be a pretty good first morning in their new home.
—
“And I’ll leave a bit early so I can pick her up before Chim comes home,” Buck informs, talking to Maddie. He’s currently dropping Marina off so he can go to the rage room with the team.
Nervous for how this is all going to go would be an understatement, especially considering how the last time he saw them went, but he’s also excited to hopefully be able to start mending things with them again.
“Are you sure you don’t want to just tell them you have a kid?” Maddie wonders, though Buck thinks it’s more of a suggestion. “Clearly they’re open to moving past this, so I don’t see why you have to hide it anymore? It’s not like there’s anything preventing you from talking to them now.”
With a sigh, Buck explains, “I don’t want them to start talking to me again because of Marina, I want them to talk to me because they want to talk to me. I’ll tell them soon. I promise. Just when things are a little less rocky.”
“Okay, fine,” Maddie gives in. “Have fun, and don’t stress too much, okay? I promise they don’t all secretly hate you. They were just frustrated by your actions.”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever,” Buck brushes off. Then he walks over to where Marina is sitting, playing, and crouches down to pull her into a hug. “I’ll see you soon, my little sharky.” And with a kiss to her head, Buck stands up again, walking towards the door. “Thanks again, Mads,” he says before stepping out.
With that, he makes his way to his Jeep, ready to head on out to the location Bobby messaged him earlier today. And when he arrives he has to take a minute to take a deep breath before making his way inside. He’s sure Maddie is right, this will go just fine, but it’s the first thing he’s been invited to since the dinner at Bobby’s place, and we all know how that turned out.
Walking in with his hands in his pockets, Buck doesn’t take long to spot Bobby and Michael talking not too far in front of him. Michael spots him first, then gestures towards him, getting Bobby to spare a glance in his direction.
Waiting, Buck watches Bobby walk towards him. He gives him a shy smile, and greets him. “Hey, uh– Hey, Bobby.” Then he makes sure to thank him too, wanting him to know that he truly appreciates the invite. “Thank you for… inviting me.” He’s still wracked for nerves, but Bobby doesn’t seem overly pissed, and that’s a bit of a relief. “Look, I just wanted to apologise…” Because he doesn’t think he could apologise enough.
Bobby cuts off the rest of his apology. “You’re getting a call tomorrow from the chief. You’re being reinstated to active duty.” That surprises Buck, because that was the last thing he was expecting to hear at this outing. Genuinely for once, the idea of that was nowhere near on his radar. “Brass didn’t want the headache. They’re afraid of the bad press,” Bobby explains.
“Uh…” Buck laughs lightly in relief. “That– That’s awesome.”
“Yeah, maybe not,” Bobby claims, confusing Buck. “They gave me the option to transfer you.” Buck thinks he feels his heart drop at that. All he wants is to be back as a firefighter at the 118. Being a firefighter won’t be the same elsewhere. “They understood how I might not want you back after everything you put us through,” he continues. Buck understands, he does, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t hate it. “But I said no. You’re coming back to the 118, where I can keep an eye on you.”
Once again, relief washes over him. Finally. He’s finally coming home. All of this was worth it in the end, because he’s getting to go back to doing what he loves, with the people he loves.
“Thanks, Captain ,” Buck appreciates, feeling like things are finally going to be alright. “You won’t regret it.”
“You might,” Bobby quickly counters. “My house, my rules. Remember that?” He then walks away, leaving Buck to contemplate the entire conversation that just happened.
Right now he doesn’t care what Bobby could throw at him, as long as he’s back with the 118 on active duty, then he can take it, whatever it is.
Walking towards the rest of them, Chimney and Hen are the only two that greet him. It’s nothing more than a couple hey, Buck ’s, but he’s happy enough with that. Then they get busy smashing things along with Bobby and Michael, leaving Buck on his own, wondering where he fits in with them now.
Lena then approaches him with a welcoming smile, passing him a sledge hammer so he can let out some of his pent up rage himself. He takes it gleefully, pulling down his face covering, and doesn’t hesitate to start smashing the nearest object to him
Turns out he doesn’t actually hate Lena like he made it up in his head. She’s actually great, he’s come to learn. He just didn’t like that she was the one replacing him. But he definitely overreacted to that, because she ends up keeping him company while the rest of them hardly spare him a glance.
Breathing heavily from exertion, Buck asks, “Hey, where’s Eddie?”
It’s not the first time he noticed he was missing from the group, just the first time he built up the confidence to ask it.
“He said he had other plans,” Lena answers, making Buck wonder what other plans Eddie could possibly have. It’s unusual for him to be busy at this time of night if not with Christopher, and he knows he could have asked someone to watch Chris if he wanted to go out.
When their designated time at the place is up, Buck leaves feeling about a hundred times better than he did when he walked in. He’s got his job back, and well… smashing things actually feels really good after everything that’s gone on.
After quick goodbye’s, Buck rushes out of the place to make it to Maddie’s before Chimney gets there. Though, he isn’t sure that’ll be a problem, because he’s pretty sure he overheard him say something about needing to wait for an uber because he’d been drinking.
Knocking quietly on Maddie’s door, because he knows Marina is probably sleeping, he waits for Maddie to welcome him in.
“Hey, how was it?” She asks curiously as Buck walks in.
“Good,” Buck replies, unable to hold the smile off of his face. “I’m getting my job back. Bobby told me tonight.”
“Really?” Maddie asks, sounding surprised.
“Yeah. Guess brass didn’t want to deal with the headache anymore,” he explains. “They gave Bobby the option to transfer me, but he’s not.”
“Good, I’m glad,” Maddie voices. “If you’re going to be out there fighting fires again, I’d be more relieved to know it’s with them.”
“Me too.”
“Marina’s sleeping in my room right now, you should probably go grab her, because Chim messaged that he’s already on his way,” Maddie informs, and Buck nods, making his way to Maddie’s room.
Walking in, he sees Marina sleeping on her side, hugging her stuffed shark. He carefully scoops her up, hoping she doesn’t wake, and when she doesn’t he carries her back to the front.
“I guess I’m going to have to hurry up and find child care before I go back,” Buck notes. “Can’t keep leaving her with you all the time.”
“Yeah, don’t think I’d be able to make that work with the whole having a job myself thing,” Maddie confirms, passing Buck Marina’s bag of things.
Buck chuckles quietly, then he says his goodbyes before carrying Marina to his car and carefully getting her into her car seat.
On his way home, Buck drives super carefully, avoiding bumps so as to not wake her. He manages it well enough, not getting anything more than a couple stirs from her, but no waking up. Arriving, he gets her back out of her seat, and brings her to her room to sleep. Once he gets her under her blanket, making sure she’s tucked in, he leans down to kiss her forehead.
“Sweet dreams, Marina. I love you,” he whispers before closing the door most of the way, leaving a crack open for her in case she wants to come to his room again.
Then he double checks that the night lights in the hallway are working before crawling into bed himself. At least it’s not on the floor anymore. He’s slowly but surely getting everything put together. It’s just hard with a toddler that wants to do anything but sit and watch him unpack all day.
As he drifts off into sleep, he’s excitedly waiting for tomorrow when he’s getting the call from the chief to let him know when he can officially be back.
Notes:
Lawsuit era is coming to an end so buck finally goes back to work next chapter!! which means we are approaching everyone else finding out about marina finally :P
I'll be posting another chapter on Friday but I'll probably go back to just once a week because I'll be busy for a while because I'm moving countries soonish.
Anyways as always I hope y'all liked this one. Next chapter starts leading towards the buddie part of the fic which I'm excited to get to share.
The layout I'm using for Buck's new house in this is the same as my current place pretty much lol cuz it's just easier for me to picture.
Also I'm almost at 100k words for this fic in my doc for it which is cool ig.
See y'all on Friday!!
Chapter Text
Luckily, Buck was able to get Marina into a twenty-four hour daycare center. Which was thanks to a spot just opening up at the right time. Otherwise, he thinks he might have had to have asked Carla for advice. She’d probably know what to do. He still might bring it up with her at some point; figure out something better than what he has right now.
Since he was able to snag a spot for her, Marina will be able to be dropped off during his first shift. Which is beyond a relief, that's for sure. Although they did suggest that he drops her off for a shorter time period before that date, for at least a couple hours, so that she doesn’t get left for a whole day for her first time.
That makes total sense to him. He can't imagine that it'd be easy on her to just be dropped off with strangers for a long period of time in a completely new place out of the blue.
He did think about getting a nanny, figuring it’d be easier to have someone take care of her at home where she is comfortable, but it was too far out of his price range for the time being. And as horrible as he's been with his finances lately, he knows he can't just continue down this spiral of credit debt forever.
At least Marina will be with other kids her age if she's at daycare. Which, honestly, will probably be good for her.
If he can help it, he doesn’t plan on letting her spend too long at daycare when possible. He’s talked to Maddie and she said that for now while she’s not working, she’ll take Marina in, or she’ll drop her off later or pick her up earlier. It’s not ideal for Marina to be left at daycare for too long during each of his shifts. So, if he can avoid it, he will.
This is only temporary, he tells himself. He’ll work out something better when he has some money coming in again. Like maybe daycare during the day, and a nanny for nights. He thinks that’s what he ideally wants. Then she’ll have a mix of spending time with other kids, but also time at home. While also not having to rely on his sister too heavily.
If he was in a place to request only twelve hour shifts from Bobby for now, he’d do it, but he knows he’s on thin ice when it comes to his job right now. Which is exactly why he doesn’t, but he thinks with Maddie’s help, they’ve got it covered. She shouldn’t be in daycare more than ten hours in a day with how they’re both scheduled at work. Though, most days it won’t even be that long.
There is definitely a feeling of guilt at asking Maddie to help out this much, but she’s insistent that she’s happy to do it. Buck assures her that it’s only temporary until he gets a more permanent solution, but she says it doesn’t matter because she’d do anything for her niece and him.
He owes her big time.
His first shift is in less than a week and he can’t wait to get back to doing what he loves; what he feels like he was born to do. He feels restless just sitting at home knowing that he gets to finally be a firefighter again so soon. Thankfully, a toddler helps release the restlessness though, because Marina is constantly getting him up, moving around, and doing plenty of things to keep him occupied.
It helps make the days go by faster. Even when he wants them to slow down so he can have enough time to get the things done that he needs to do before going back to work.
So, in conclusion, days are both too long and too short at the same time, and Buck just wants to run into a burning building again. But like not in a self sacrificial way like he tends to do sometimes. Not when he now knows he has to do whatever he can to make it home to his daughter. She's already lost her mom, she can't lose him too.
Honestly, it'll probably be weird going back with this new mentality. Before, he hoped he would make it through each shift, but at the same time he didn't feel all that put off at the idea that he might not. Marina definitely changes that.
Today he's planning on getting Marina to the daycare he chose to see if she likes it, and also so he can head over to sign the paperwork he needs to do to come back to work. As he’s been told, there’s a lot of stipulations saying that if he gets let back, he can’t sue the department again for anything unless it’s for genuine misconduct.
He has no problem with that, because he does not ever want to go through this again. He's definitely learned his lesson.
“Are you excited to check out your new daycare?” Buck asks Marina, amping up the excitement in his voice. “There will be other kids your age to play with. Doesn’t that sound fun?” He’s really trying to hype it up, wanting this to go as smoothly as possible.
She nods hesitantly. “Can I bring?” She holds up her shark.
“Of course you can,” Buck easily agrees. “They’ll also have other toys for you to play with while you’re there.” She smiles at that, earning a grin from Buck. He ruffles her hair before going back to his earlier task.
As he's finishing gathering a bag of items he was told to pack for her, he puts a jacket and shoes on her before bringing her downstairs. He then gets her into his Jeep.
The daycare is about halfway in between his place and the fire station, which Buck thinks is perfect. It's not far from either location which makes Buck feel better, knowing it wouldn't take long to get to her if needed from either place.
Since the drive isn’t long, they arrive safely in one piece pretty quickly. Walking up to the building, Buck can already tell that Marina is unsure of the place. Opening the door, he sees that the interior is bright and colourful, full of things that might be appealing to a child.
A cheerful woman approaches them. “How can I help you?”
“Hi, I called yesterday about dropping my daughter Marina off for a couple hours to test how she reacts to being left at daycare before I start work,” Buck informs.
“Oh, right. Yes, of course.” She crouches down to greet Marina. “Hi, Marina. My name is Leslie, and I’ll be taking care of you while your dad is busy, okay? We’ve got lots of fun toys and snacks for you. How does that sound?”
Marina is chewing anxiously on her bottom lip as she looks between Buck and Leslie. “You come too?”
Shaking his head sadly, Buck says, “No, sweetie. I’ll be back in a couple hours though, okay? She’ll keep you safe, and you can have an extra long bath time when you get home, alright?”
Marina still looks hesitant, but she nods, and Buck picks her up, pulling her into a hug.
“I love you, Marina. Be good for them, okay?” He kisses her cheek before putting her back down, and letting Leslie take her hand. “I shouldn’t be more than three hours,” he tells Leslie.
“Take all the time you need, she’s in good hands here,” she assures, and Buck nods, then takes a deep breath as he turns to walk away.
That’s when he hears sniffles start coming from Marina. He quickly turns around.
“Oh, Marina–”
He’s cut off by Leslie as he’s stepping closer to Marina, hoping to comfort her. “The longer you stay, the harder it’ll be to leave her. She’ll be fine, I promise. Most kids cry the first time. It’s nothing we are unfamiliar with.”
“Bye bye.” Buck gives his daughter a wave and the most genuine smile he can muster while watching his daughter cry. She waves back meekly, and Buck turns around again before he starts bursting into tears himself.
Leaving, Buck has to wipe the few tears off of his face that he couldn't hold back while on his way back to his jeep.
The drive to LAFD headquarters is slow and Buck feels miserable without his daughter in the backseat. He’s left Marina with Maddie and been just fine, but this feels completely different. It’s not nearly the same as leaving her with the person he probably trusts most in the world. He does not like this. How do other parents do this?
“Hi, I have a meeting with the chief,” Buck tells the lady sitting at the front desk when he arrives. “Evan Buckley,” he tacks on as an afterthought.
She nods, then calls him from her desk phone. “He says you can head on in.” She then gives him instructions as to where his office is.
When he reaches the room, he knocks on the already open door to gain his attention.
“Buckley, take a seat,” the chief requests, which Buck follows. The chief then sets a stack of papers down in front of Buck. “We’re going to go over this, make sure we’re on the same page about all of this.”
With Buck’s affirmative nod, the chief starts going over the explanation for the paperwork. However, Buck is much more lost in thought, wondering how Marina is doing in daycare right now. Is she still crying? He hopes not. He doubts it, honestly. She’s pretty brave and adaptive, he’d say. So, she’s probably doing great. Hopefully. Is she making friends? That would be nice. He hasn’t really seen how she interacts with other kids, but hopefully she doesn’t struggle with making friends. She’s awesome though, so who wouldn’t want to be her friend? Is–
“You seem distracted,” the chief points out, pulling Buck’s attention back. “Is this a bad time?”
Shaking the thoughts out of his head, Buck replies, “Uh, no. No, it’s not a bad time.” The chief just gives him a look, and Buck caves and explains himself. “Sorry, it’s just I-I left my daughter at daycare for the first time, and I– I’m just worried about it, is all.”
“Ah, I see.” Then taking a quick glance at Buck’s file, he says, “I was unaware you had a child. Are you interested in adding her onto your benefits or insurance?”
“Oh, yeah, uh– That’d be great, actually.” There’s always more things he needs to do that he doesn’t think about until they pop up.
“I’ll give you the paperwork you’ll need to file for that as well then,” he says. “Now can we get back to the original discussion?”
Buck nods, and this time he tries his best to keep his focus on what the chief is saying.
When he’s done listening to what the chief’s rambles, Buck is handed plenty of papers, and told to fill them all out before his first shift back. He doesn’t care about all the nonsense about not being able to sue again, he’d sign just about anything right now to get back.
Stepping out of the building, Buck sees a message from the daycare centre. Clicking on it, he sees a picture of a smiling Marina, playing with some other kid. There’s a separate text that says, she’s doing great! And Buck is beyond relieved. He thanks her for the update, and makes his way home feeling way less stressed than before.
The other thing he wanted to get done was the stupid shark painting on Marina’s wall that he promised. In theory it would look cool and make Marina’s room more fun; something she’d love. If it was properly executed that is, but he just knows his ability to paint doesn’t match what’s needed to pull this off.
It’s supposed to be a surprise for Marina when she gets home from daycare, so he hopes it’s not completely horrible when he’s done. At least sharks are easy enough to draw, he thinks, having never really tried before.
He pulls up a reference photo on his phone of something he thinks he could maybe pull off, and gets to work.
—
He in fact did not pull it off.
Stepping back to take a look at it with a tilted head, as if that'd somehow fix what was in front of him, he frowns at it. He guesses it’s at least sort of shark shaped… maybe.
Snapping a picture, he sends it to Maddie.
Buck
*image*
it’s somehow both worse and better than I thought it’d turn out
Maddie
What am I looking at???
Buck
remember when you told Marina i’d paint sharks on her wall
Maddie
That’s what that’s supposed to be?
Buck no offence but that’s hideous
I can’t wait till you make up with everyone so I can show them this
Buck
please don’t
how do i fix it???
Maddie
I don’t think this is salvageable
Good luck
With Maddie’s complete lack of help, Buck sighs in defeat and just packs up the painting supplies he was using. He’ll figure it out later. Maybe he should just hire someone to fix it.
Figuring it’s been long enough for Marina to have had a genuine opportunity to test out daycare, he goes to pick her up. Although it's hardly been over two hours, he just wants her back already.
Arriving, he’s quick to spot Leslie. He waves at her, and she starts walking towards him.
“Your daughter is an absolute delight,” she says immediately. Buck smiles, feeling proud. “She did very well. She’s quiet, like you said, but she did manage to make a friend today. I hope you feel confident in leaving her here again.”
“Yeah, I, uh– Thanks for watching her. I know it’s your job, but I can tell you go above and beyond, and that does make me feel more comfortable leaving her here,” Buck says.
“Good, I’m glad. I’ll go get her for you,” she says with a smile, walking away to go find Marina.
When she returns, Marina sees Buck and immediately runs to him with a smile. “Hi, daddy,” she greets, hugging his legs. Buck picks her up so she’s level with him.
“Hi, kiddo. How was it?”
“Fun!” She cheers, then leans her head down on Buck’s shoulder.
“Really, that’s awesome!” He responds just as cheerfully. “So you're okay with coming back when I’m at work?” He feels her nod against him. “Okay, good.” That part he says mostly to himself in relief.
After thanking Leslie again, Buck lets Marina down, and the two of them walk towards his car.
The first thing he does when they get home is bring Marina to her room to show her his attempt at painting a shark.
Pointing at it, Marina asks, “What dis?”
“Uh, it’s sharks,” Buck tells her.
A confused expression crosses her face. “No.” She then lifts her stuffed shark in front of herself to try and compare the two, clearly not seeing the resemblance.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get someone to fix it eventually,” Buck sighs. Maybe even Marina would do a better job, he wonders.
—
It’s his first day back at work, finally , and he’s just dropped Marina off at daycare again. She was actually excited this time, which made it easier to leave her. Not by much, but still, easier.
Walking into the station, he has a wide smile on his face, greeting everybody he walks past with as much excitement as he’s feeling at being back. Although, none of them seem to feel the same sentiment. In fact they all seem like they don’t want to talk to him at all.
Sitting down in the locker room, Buck already feels some of that first day back enthusiasm die down.
Then Hen comes in, and she’s the first person to actually seem happy that he’s back.
“Red velvet. It bleeds when you cut it,” she says as she passes him a cupcake. Buck chuckles at that. He’s appreciative of her. She’s almost like another big sister to him.
“I missed you guys,” Buck admits. Then he tries to turn the conversation onto Hen, wanting to know how things have been going for her.
She replies in a way that makes Buck think that there’s more to it than she’s saying, but he doesn't want to pry. Hen then stands up, patting his back. “It’s good to have you back.”
“Thanks, Hen,” Buck appreciates. “For this and… for not feeling like you need to follow Bobby’s lead.”
“I march to the beat of my own drum, always have,” she states, and that’s definitely something Buck respects about her. “You should too.”
Buck gives her a light chuckle and a nod, then they both make their way out of the locker room after Buck puts his cupcake into his locker for later.
As he’s walking through the station next to Hen, he spots Eddie with a massive bruise on his arm.
“Whew, dude, you okay? That’s a monster,” he points out, wondering how the hell Eddie could have gotten that.
Eddie looks far from amused that Buck was speaking to him. “Just roughhousing with my kid.”
“Were you playing with hammers?” He asks, because roughhousing with a child should not result in that sort of injury.
“Nothing you need to be concerned with,” Eddie brushes him off.
There’s concern there that Buck has for Eddie, already knowing that there’s probably a lot more to that story than Eddie is letting on. He wants to keep asking about it, but he knows it’s futile. It’ll take a minute before Eddie opens up with him again, he figures.
Then Chimney walks over, interrupting the conversation. “Welcome back, Firefighter Buckley.” He holds out a hand, and Buck gladly shakes it as he thanks him.
“Glad to be back.”
Then just as Bobby is about to start the morning briefing, the alarm goes off. Now, Buck shouldn’t be excited that someone is having some sort of emergency, but he sort of is. He’s just happy to finally be getting back out in the field.
But then, because of course it wouldn’t be that easy, Bobby stops him. “Buck, you’re man behind today.”
“Uh, wh– I’m not going with you guys? Cap–”
“My house, my rules, remember?” Bobby says firmly. “You stay put.”
And Buck does, feeling defeated. How is this any different to being on light duty? Wasn’t the whole point of being granted active duty so that he could actually be on active duty? To not just wander around doing mindless tasks all shift?
Whatever. Surely it’s just for today, next shift, once Bobby sees that he’s serious about being back, he’ll loosen up a little. For now, he’ll do what he can at the station to try and prove to Bobby that he’ll do what it takes to be trusted to go back into the field.
It doesn’t work. The next shift is nothing but the same. Then the one after that too. The only difference really, is that a few people at the station have started warming up to him slightly. Although it’s mostly people he was never really close with to begin with.
Hen and Chimney aren’t shy about being friendly to him, but Eddie only speaks to him if it’s work related, or if Buck asks him something. When Eddie answers though, the responses are short and vague. Buck takes a hint and leaves him be for now.
As Buck is mopping a section of the floor next to the ambulances, he feels a buzzing coming from his pocket, alerting him to a phone call. His heart drops when he sees it’s from Marina’s daycare. They haven’t had to call him yet with anything, so he immediately starts worrying.
Please don’t be something bad, he begs internally.
“Is everything alright?” He asks into the phone, voice shaky with panic, leaning the mop against the ambulance, and walking somewhere more secluded.
“Marina threw up, she’s sick,” Leslie tells him over the phone with an apologetic tone in her voice. “We can’t care for sick children, so you’ll have to come pick her up, sorry. We just don’t want it to spread if possible.”
“Yeah, no, of course,” Buck says, already looking around to see if he can spot Bobby to tell him he’s leaving. “I’ll be right there.”
As he’s rushing around, Buck bumps into Eddie accidentally. Eddie gives him an annoyed scoff, then looks at him with concern after seeing the expression on his face. “Everything alright, Buck?” he asks kindly, a stark difference from how he’s been talking to him since the start of the lawsuit.
“Where’s Bobby?” Buck questions. “I have to go, it’s important,” Buck explains. “Actually, can you just tell him for me?” If he doesn’t have to waste time seeking out Bobby, then he’ll avoid it. He just wants to get to Marina as quickly as he can.
“Uh, sure.” Eddie looks like he wants to ask more, but Buck is already racing out the building.
He’s pretty sure he broke at least three different driving laws on his way to get Marina. He couldn’t help it, he was just panicking. His daughter is sick, and he needs to be there for her.
Running up to the front desk at the daycare, Buck is breathing heavily as he says he's there to pick up Marina.
Leslie then turns the corner with a sad looking Marina, who is looking a little pale. It breaks Buck’s heart to see. Crouching down, Buck puts a hand to her forehead, feeling that it’s a bit warm. “I hear you're not feeling well?” She nods, clutching her shark tightly. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. Let’s go home, okay?”
“Sorry, again,” Leslie apologises. “She must have gotten it from one of the other kids. She’s the second one we’re sending home today. We’ve already gotten an email out about it.”
“I get it, kids get sick a lot,” Buck brushes off. “Thanks for taking care of her until I got here.”
When they get into the car, Buck gives Marina an empty container that’s been sitting in his car. “If you need to throw up again, throw up in here, okay?” When she nods, clutching onto it Buck kisses the side of her head. “I’m sorry you’re not feeling well.”
He then gets into the driver's seat, sparing a glance back at Marina before starting to drive. On the way, Buck calls Maddie.
“Hey, Buck. Aren’t you on shift?” She greets when she picks up.
“Marina is sick. I had to run out to pick her up,” Buck explains. “I just hope Bobby understands.”
“I’m sure he will,” Maddie assures. “Did you explain to him that’s why you left?”
“Uh… No. I sort of just told Eddie I had to go and asked him to tell Bobby that it was important,” Buck retells.
“ Buck !” Maddie scolds. “I’m just about done with my shift, then I’m coming over to take care of my sick niece, and you’re going to go explain to Bobby what happened.”
“I can’t just leave my sick daughter,” Buck argues, hating the sound of leaving her when she feels like this.
“She won’t be alone, I’ve got her,” Maddie assures. “Besides, I probably have more experience taking care of a sick child than you,” she points out in a slightly jokey tone in an attempt to soothe Buck’s worrying. “You never did have a good immune system as a kid , Buck.”
Buck hates that she’s probably right.
“Fine,” Buck huffs. “I don’t care if I get in trouble. She’s more important.”
“And when you explain this to Bobby, he’ll understand,” Maddie repeats. “Look, I’ve got to go, but I’ll be there as soon as I can, okay?”
With that, she hangs up, and Buck can hear Marina throwing up in the back seat. He’s really hoping she got it into the container, but he also doesn’t really care. He can deal with any mess later, right now what’s important is Marina.
“I’m sorry, sweetie,” he repeats. “We’re almost home, then you can lay down, and I’ll take care of you, okay?”
After they arrived at home, Buck got Marina comfy on the couch. He put on Finding Nemo again, knowing how much she loves that movie. He gives her a sippy cup full of water, making sure she keeps taking sips from it, and a couple light snacks if she feels like she can stomach them. So far it’s been a no for that.
She threw up in the car and once more since then, but thankfully her stomach seems empty, because she’s not throwing up anymore.
Maddie said she’s on her way now; will probably be here soon.
When she walks in, she has a bag in hand. “I got her some pedialyte and soup for later,” Maddie explains, and Buck is so grateful that Maddie seems to know what she’s doing. “We’re good here for now, go talk to Bobby. I’ve got her until you can come back.”
Buck gives Maddie a hesitant look, really not wanting to leave his daughter right now.
“She’s fine, Buck,” Maddie assures.
Still feeling like he’s making the wrong decision, Buck nods and makes his way back to work.
When he pulls up to the station, he’s already dreading the conversation he’s about to have with Bobby. Even more so as he starts walking in and sees Bobby from across the room with crossed arms and a pissed off expression.
Chimney then rounds the corner, spotting him before Bobby could make his way over. “There you are, Buck. Just a heads up, Bobby is pissed at you. You should have seen his face when he found out you left.” He laughs, then looks at what Buck is looking at and says, “Ah, I see you already know that. Good luck.” He then pats him on the back before walking away.
That’s when Bobby approaches him.
“Listen–” Buck starts, but gets cut off.
“No, you listen,” Bobby starts, voice firm and impatient. “You don’t just get to waltz in and out of here as you please.”
“I swear it–” He’s cut off again.
“No, Buck. I’m sending you home,” Bobby informs. “Grab your stuff and get out. See you on your next shift.”
“My d–”
“Go,” Bobby says, clearly fed up with him right now, not letting him get a word in. “Now.”
Buck has a feeling that he won’t be welcome back next shift if he doesn’t obey, so he does as told with his head held low. He avoids looking at anyone else, just quickly grabs what he needs to, then disappears back where he came from just minutes ago.
Walking back into his house, Maddie gives him a confused look.
“So, basically, I’m a terrible dad, who left their sick daughter, and a horrible employee that got sent home. Great,” is all Buck says as he sits down on the edge of the couch next to Marina, who is still sleeping. He makes sure to keep his voice low so as to not wake her.
“He really didn’t understand why you left?” She seems like she doesn’t understand how that could be true. "And stop calling yourself a terrible dad."
“Not sure, he wouldn’t even let me get an explanation out. He was just pissed and sent me home. Every time I tried to talk, he just interrupted me,” Buck recalls.
“Try again once he’s calmed down,” Maddie suggests.
“Maybe,” Buck huffs. “You can go, by the way. I’ve got it covered.”
“Okay, but just let me know if either of you need anything,” Maddie requests, getting up.
After assuring Maddie that he will in fact call her if necessary, she leaves. Then Buck uses the time the Marina is sleeping to tidy up a little bit.
Unfortunately when Marina wakes up again, Buck can tell she’s about to throw up again, so he’s quick to hold up the garbage can that’s lined with a new garbage bag up to her. He holds that with one arm, and uses his free one to rub her back soothingly.
“It’s okay, let it out,” he speaks softly. “You’ll feel better once it’s all out.”
Then when she’s done throwing up, Buck makes her take a few small sips of her drink. Afterwards, he ties up the garbage bag and throws it out in the outside bin before putting a new bag on the bin by the couch.
“Daddy, take it ‘way,” she whimpers, clutching her stomach.
“I really wish I could, Marina,” Buck replies. He’d do absolutely anything to make her feel better. Which, evidently, includes risking his job that he just fought so hard to get back. “But I’m not going anywhere, I’ve got you. You’ll feel better before you know it.”
Marina wriggles until she’s situated with her head on top of Buck’s lap, using it as a pillow. Buck continues rubbing his hand soothingly along her arm. Eventually she drifts back into sleep, and Buck just sits there watching her, holding her.
The next time she wakes, Buck attempts to get her to eat something. He’s made the soup Maddie brought over. It’s chicken noodle, and he’d settle for her just sipping on the broth. He doesn’t want her to get sick again, but he also doesn’t want her to have nothing in her stomach.
She manages to have some broth, a couple noodles, and maybe a piece of chicken. Buck is content with that.
“Good job, Marina. Thank you for trying to eat something,” he praises, carrying her back to the couch. “Do you want me to put on another movie?” She nods, and Buck puts on Shark Tale.
The rest of the day consists of Marina drifting in and out of sleep while Buck tries to make sure she drinks some pedialyte or water in between. Eventually, Buck gets her settled in her bed for the night with the bin next to her bed if she needs it.
“If you need anything, I’ll just be in my room,” Buck tells her. Though he’s not sure he’ll get much sleep tonight, because he’s going to want to keep checking up on her. She seems a bit better than earlier, and he’s hoping the throwing up portion is over.
—
By the time morning rolls around, Marina is sleeping in Buck’s bed. That happened after Buck heard her throwing up in her room in the middle of the night. She got it on her blanket, and he needed to throw it in the wash. Afterwards he just brought her to his room.
He yawns as he checks the time on his phone. 10:13am. It’s been a while since he’s slept in this late, but they both needed it. There’s also a few missed messages from Maddie.
Maddie
How’s Marina doing?
How are you doing?
Do you need anything?
Buck
she’s sleeping right now
threw up again last night
hopefully she’s doing better when she wakes
we’re okay though
thanks for checking up on us
After responding to Maddie, Buck gets up to grab Marina’s blanket and sheets from the dryer. Then he brings them back to her room, and remakes her bed. He makes sure to crack open her window slightly to help the smell of sick leave the room.
Then when he gets back to his room, he sees Marina waking up. She blinks her eyes open towards him.
“How are you feeling?” He asks, sitting down next to her again. She does a so-so gesture with her hand, but that’s better than last night, so he’s relieved. “We’ll take it easy today. Just movies and soup, okay?”
She nods, snuggling up against Buck.
“I know you probably don’t feel well enough for our morning dance, so how about I put on some music, and make your shark do a little dance instead?” He offers. She smiles at that idea, then nods.
With music playing, Buck picks up Marina’s shark plushie and starts moving it around with the music. It gets a giggle out of her, and Buck is beyond happy to hear that sound after yesterday. And when the song is over, he passes the shark back to her for her to cuddle.
Not wanting to bother making Marina sit at the table, he brings her some crackers and an apple sauce package for her to eat. It’s what google suggested, so he hopes it sits well in her stomach.
As she eats them, Buck doesn’t care about the mess she’s making in the bed. He’ll just clean it later. He’s just glad that she’s able to eat something.
—
Thankfully, by the time he has his next shift, Marina is back to her usual cheerful self, and Buck is able to drop her off at daycare again.
Walking in, Buck is hoping to avoid Bobby for as long as possible. Thankfully, he’s told he’s upstairs making something for breakfast by Chimney, so if he just avoids the loft, he’ll be fine.
As he’s closing his locker, he turns around to Eddie leaning against the door giving Buck a questioning look.
“So, what was up with you last shift?” He asks.
“You’re speaking with me again,” Buck says, a little snappier than he intended. To be fair, he’s just exhausted from taking care of a sick toddler for the past three days. “Sorry. Just figured you’d still be mad at me.”
“I’m not mad,” Eddie claims, seeming a little mad. Or at the very least annoyed. “I– It’s just that… When you decided to sue the department, did you ever stop to think about what that would do to us ?”
“Look, I just– I needed my job back,” Buck tells him, feeling all those feelings from before washing over him. The scared feeling of not being enough, of not being welcome anymore. Being alone. “I missed– I missed being here, being part of the team. I never meant for anyone to get hurt.” He’s starting to get a little teary eyed.
“Lotta ‘I’s in there,” Eddie points out. “Your actions, your choices, they impact the rest of us. That’s what it means to be a part of a team.”
“You’re right,” Buck agrees. He gets where Eddie is coming from, and he doesn’t disagree. “I didn’t think about what could happen,” he admits, “I was mad at Bobby for not letting me back. I was mad at you guys for moving on without me. I was mad that there was nothing I could do about it. And I just wanted to–”
“Punch someone,” Eddie fills in, looking away, then back at him.
“Yeah, a little,” Buck confesses. “But I get it. And I really am sorry. So whatever it takes for you to forgive me– ”
Eddie cuts him off to chime in with, “I forgive you. Also what it means to be part of a team.”
At that, Buck feels like he can breathe a little easier. It was hard having Eddie be mad at him. It was even harder not having him around at all. Hopefully now they can move past this and start being friends again.
“Just… Just don’t do it again,” Eddie finishes with, and Buck can’t hold a smirk back at that. They go in for a hug, and Buck can’t help but notice the grimace Eddie does at the motion, almost like it physically hurts. He gives him a confused look, but before he could ask about it, Bobby is calling them up for breakfast.
Buck avoids eye contact with Bobby throughout the entire meal, but thankfully it isn’t as awkward as it could be. With Eddie now on speaking terms with him, the conversation feels slightly less tense.
Throughout the rest of the shift, things start falling into place a little bit more than it has been. Eddie sticks by his side as they do inventory, and they joke around like they used to. Though, it’s clear Eddie wants to know more about why he left mid shift the other day, but he stops bringing it up after the third time Buck dodges the question.
He’s going to tell Eddie about Marina. He is. It’s just not a while at work topic, Buck thinks. It’s bigger than that. Plus, he wants to make sure that things really are alright between them first.
Next time they hang out he’ll tell him, he promises to himself. It’s better not to throw this on top of things when they’re finally just getting better. He’ll give them a moment to breathe first, then tell him.
Notes:
as i mentioned earlier i played with the tl a bit and that's kinda important here cuz this all occurs before halloween unlike in the show cuz i wanted to have buck spend halloween with marina in a chapter. so basically in this fic the tl of the lawsuit starts way earlier and last a bit longer. all for plot sake ig.
i really am trying to keep everyones reactions to the lawsuit as inline with what's canon in the show, so yeah he does forgive a bit too easily after how things went down but he sort of does in the show so blame buck not me. also i'm making it so bobby takes longer to forgive buck cuz in my fic buck continues to do things to piss him off after coming back but they get there eventually.
i'm debating if i wanna start writing another girldad buck fic but idk if i'd have time to write both unfortunately. (I wrote this yesterday and I've sorta already written 5k words for it since 😅) hopefully i'm done this one somewhat soon. i do think i'm close to writing buck realising he's in love with eddie tho so at least we're getting somewhere. only took over 100k words to get there lol.
anyways, new chapter next friday! hope y'all enjoyed this.
Chapter 9
Summary:
Eddie comes over to Buck's new place to help him finish unpacking.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Seeing a call from Eddie, Buck doesn’t hesitate to answer it.
“Hey, Eddie.”
“Hi… I just met a woman named Ashley ,” Eddie starts, and Buck is confused by what Eddie wants him to do with that information.
“Okay… Are you into her or something?” He’s pretty sure his confusion is evident in his tone, and he’s confident that Eddie was so far from thinking about dating right now. But then again, they didn’t talk for a while, so who knows.
“Let me rephrase that, Buck ,” Eddie says. “ I just scared the fuck out of a woman named Ashley. ”
“Okay….” He’s still confused, because Eddie is saying this like Buck should know what he’s talking about, but he doesn’t. “How?”
“By breaking into what is apparently now her apartment with the key you gave me a while back ,” Eddie explains, and suddenly it all hits Buck.
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh , ” Eddie says with clear annoyance in his tone. “ Why didn’t you tell me you moved? ”
Buck runs a hand down his face. “Honestly, I’ve just had so much going on, I didn’t think about it,” he admits. “I should probably give that spare key to her.”
“I already did,” Eddie informs. “I came over, because I thought it’d be nice to have a couple beers, catch up. Instead I probably terrified this poor woman for life.”
“Sorry.” Buck winces. Maybe he’ll send her an apology gift for the mishap.
“So, where the fuck do you live now?” Eddie asks. “I’ll come over with those beers.”
“Um…” Buck looks around at the mess of boxes everywhere, along with Marina’s toys strewn about. “I haven’t exactly finished unpacking yet. My place is a mess. I was going to spend the rest of the day chipping away at it.”
“That’s how you were planning on spending your evening after a long shift?” Eddie asks incredulously. “That sounds awful. Unpacking sounds like the last thing I’d want to do right now.”
“Yeah, but it’s been a couple weeks, so it really needs to get done,” Buck tells him.
It is fairly done, or at least more than half, but doing a box a day isn’t really ideal. Which is why Buck asked Maddie if she could take Marina out for a few hours while he really had a go at it. Also why maybe right now wouldn’t be the best time for those beers, despite how much he loves the idea of getting to catch up with Eddie more. He really did miss him.
“Do you want help? I could come over, we could have a couple beers, then we could tackle it together,” Eddie offers, and Buck has this feeling in his stomach at Eddie’s offer that he can’t quite name, but he knows it’s a good feeling.
“I thought you said that was the last thing you’d want to do,” Buck points out, hoping Eddie does so anyway.
“Yeah, but I don’t mind helping you,” Eddie says casually, like it isn’t warming Buck’s heart ten degrees. “You’d do the same for me.” Yeah, of course he would.
“Uh, okay,” Buck agrees. “I-I’ll send you the address.”
“Great, see you soon,” Eddie says before hanging up the call, and then Buck sends him his new address.
Buck sort of feels giddy at the idea of having Eddie over. Probably because of how much he missed him, and how this is proof that those lawsuit days are finally behind him. Mostly. He’s not quite on Bobby’s good side yet, but he knows he’s getting there. At least he hopes so.
Knowing he doesn’t have a ton of time, Buck rushes to get all of Marina’s stuff hidden in her room. That’s his main priority, because he doesn’t want Eddie to find out because he found some of her toys or something. He wants to tell him himself. And as he promised himself earlier, he’ll do it today, because there’s really no good reason not to anymore.
That doesn’t quite negate the nerves though, but reminding him that it’s just Eddie makes him feel better. Eddie will definitely be happy for him, and supportive. It’s just this is big news, and Buck usually doesn’t let big news fester this long, so he’s had lots of time to over think things.
Just as he’s closing the door to Marina’s room after finally getting all of her way too many toys in there, Buck hears a knock on his door.
“Dude, this is so close to my house,” is the first thing Eddie says, then he takes a quick look around as he steps inside like he’s not really a guest.
Chuckling, Buck says, “Yeah, that was a plus when checking it out.”
Following Buck to the kitchen, Eddie takes two beers out from the pack he’s holding. He then puts the rest inside, then closes the fridge door. Buck passes him a bottle opener so that he can open them, Eddie then passes one to buck before taking a sip of his own.
“Why the move?” Eddie asks, addressing the elephant in the room.
“Needed more space,” Buck answers simply, taking a sip himself. “Plus, I’ve learned my lesson. No more stairs. Not when I have a job where I might get injured at least.”
Eddie hums, taking in what Buck says, though he still looks at him with a hint of skepticism. Sort of like he knows there’s more to it. Which makes sense, because there is.
“I’ve been meaning to ask,” Eddie starts. “The zoo is doing this Halloween thing up until the end of the month, and I was wondering if you’d like to go with Chris and I,” he invites, and Buck immediately perks up at that. He hasn’t seen Chris since before the lawsuit and he misses him dearly.
But if he’s going, he wants to bring Marina.
“Can I, uh– Can I bring someone with me?” He asks hesitantly with a noticeable hint of anxiety in his tone.
Eddie gives him a judgemental look. “Like a date?”
Blinking in surprise at Eddie’s assumption, Buck shakes his head. “No. Why would I bring a date out with you and Chris?”
“Now you see why I was judging you,” Eddie points out, pointing his beer at him as if to say, my point exactly , then takes a sip of the beverage. “If not a date, then who?”
Chewing on his bottom lip anxiously, Buck looks down for a moment, mentally psyching himself up to say it. Then when he looks back up at Eddie he lets it slip out. “My, uh– My daughter.”
Eddie’s eyes go wide for a second, then he shakes his head like he misheard Buck. And after he’s done pausing for another second to try and process what he clearly confirmed he just heard, he mutters, “Your… daughter ?” Buck nods. “Since when do you have a kid?”
“Since the day after I filed the lawsuit,” Buck informs, then he thinks about it. “Well, she’s almost three, so I guess for almost three years… technically . However, I just found out about her like a month or so ago.”
Surprise is an understatement of what Eddie’s expression is. Then his expression morphs into something more serious. “Why didn’t you tell me? I know we had a ton going on, but I’d push that aside for this.”
“I tried to,” Buck says, thinking back to that first day, wanting to ask Eddie if he had a car seat by chance. “But, uh… You blocked my number, so I couldn’t get the message through.”
Now Eddie just looks confused, and maybe a bit offended. “I never blocked you. Why would I do that?”
“But–” Buck is trying to think about it, remember what happened. He pulls out his phone to go to Eddie and his chat messages. Yup, it still shows as undelivered. He turns it to show Eddie.
“Are you sure you weren’t in a tunnel or something, because I didn’t block you. Your message must not have gone through for some other reason,” Eddie points out. “Also, no, I do not have a car seat. Chris is too old for one.”
“Well, too late now,” Buck says with a chuckle. “Wait–” He pauses, recalling that instance. Oh, this is slightly really embarrassing on his part. “I was in my building’s parking garage. I’m surprised your message even came through. The service is horrible down there.”
Eddie just rolls his eyes fondly at him. “You’re an idiot.”
“Yeah, I might be,” Buck admits with a smirk, then takes a sip of his beer.
“So you’ve just been raising her on your own for the last month then?” Eddie prods. “How’s that been? Must’ve been stressful.”
“Stressful is an understatement.” Another chuckle escapes him. “Between going from no kid to a kid in one day, then everything else on top of it– It was, yeah, definitely stressful. Is stressful. I had to learn so much about toddlers in such a short time frame, and then I had to move, because she didn’t have a room at the loft.” At that, Eddie hums, like why Buck moved finally made sense. “I’m afraid to look at my credit card bill, because I wasn’t getting any money, being out of work, so everything I had to buy her, I just put on there.”
“Wow,” Eddie breathes out. “Here I thought you were just sitting in self pity this whole time.”
“Yeah, no. At first, maybe,” Buck agrees. “But a kid changes things.”
“Don’t I know it.”
“Hey, uh, can I ask you something?” Buck inquires. Eddie gives him a gesture that reads of course . “Does Chris ever have nightmares?”
Eddie’s eyebrows furrow at that. “Yeah… Been having them a lot since the tsunami.”
“Oh… Shit, I’m sorry,” Buck apologises, feeling guilty for not being there to help for that. “I was just asking because, well, Marina has them a lot. Like, most nights. Less than before, but still… yeah. What do you do to help?”
“Marina?” Eddie notes.
“Uh, yeah. Her name’s Marina,” Buck says proudly. “She’s actually pretty great. I think you’d love her. She’s with Maddie right now.”
Eddie hums, taking a sip of his beer. “Well, I’m sure I will if she’s a part of you. And to answer your earlier question, you just gotta keep being there for her. That’s the sum of it. Just let her know she’s safe, and you’re there for her.”
Buck nods, wishing there was something more he could do, but that he can keep doing.
“I’ve also been taking Chris to a child psychologist. It seems to help. I could give you their information,” Eddie offers, and Buck is quick to take him up on that.
“Yes, I’ve been meaning to– It’s just… There’s like a million and one things I need to do, and I am struggling to get to any of them.”
“Oh, trust me, I know the feeling.” Eddie puts a hand on Buck’s shoulder. “Welcome to fatherhood.” That earns a smile from Buck. “Speaking of a million and one things that need to get done, how about we start tackling these boxes you’ve got everywhere?”
Buck tells him that’s a great idea, and thanks him again for offering his help. He assures him that he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to, he can just keep him company, but Eddie is insistent that Buck shuts up and lets him assist.
“So how’d Marina come into your care anyways?” Eddie asks, opening a box in the living room. “If it’s been almost three years, why now?”
“Her, uh, mom passed away,” Buck says a little sadly. “Car wreck. I was listed as Marina’s dad, and who she wanted her to go to in her will, so… y’know.”
“That’s rough. I’ve seen first hand how losing a mom affects their child, suck’s that your kid is going through that too,” Eddie says with understanding. “Why do you think she never told you about her?”
With a shrug, Buck sighs. “I don’t know. We weren’t together long, her mom and I. It was right before I started the Fire Academy. We decided that it was best to split, because she was going back to Seattle for school, and I had my thing. I think it would have been too difficult to raise her together without one of us having to sacrifice something else important to us. Maybe she didn’t want to make me make that choice, or maybe she didn’t want to make it herself.”
“I see,” Eddie says, flattening a box that’s now empty. “She still should have given you the option to choose though.”
“I’d have chosen Marina,” Buck states easily, opening another box, and pulling out a couple picture frames. He smiles at them. One is of Marina, another is of Eddie, Chris, and him.
“I know you would have.”
“But then I’d never have met the 118, or you. I’d probably not be a firefighter.” He’d probably worked some job he sort of despised but paid the bills so that Amelia and Marina could have been happy. “So, maybe it all worked out the way it did for a reason. I know now, and I can just do what I can for her from here on out.”
“Is she why you ran out of work the other day?” Eddie wonders, pulling another picture frame from a box and inspecting the image with a warm smile. Buck can’t see the picture, but he knows it’s another one of Marina.
Buck nods. “Yeah. Got a call from her daycare, she was sick with a stomach bug, and I had to go pick her up.”
“Oh, that’s rough,” Eddie says sympathetically. “Taking care of a sick kid is a lot.”
“Yeah,” Buck agrees. “I’m just glad she’s feeling better now. I hated seeing her like that. She was begging me to take the illness away and I felt helpless that I couldn’t.”
“The first time I took care of Chris when he was sick, I was a mess.” Eddie chuckles at the memory, removing something from the bottom of the box that they were emptying. “Tell me more about Marina,” Eddie says as they continue working.
Buck then proceeds to spend the next hour rambling about little details about Marina. Every once in a while Eddie chimes in with something about Chris, but he seems interested in just listening to Buck talk about his daughter that he didn’t know about.
When they’re done in the living room, Buck goes to grab the few things that are meant to be in there, but he had tossed into Marina’s room before Eddie came over. Eddie follows him into Marina’s room, taking a glance around, stopping when he sees the painting on the wall.
With a confused expression, Eddie asks, “Are those supposed to be squished walruses?”
Running a hand down his face, Buck really wishes he’d have painted over those already. He’s heard enough from both Maddie and his daughter to know they have to go.
“They’re supposed to be sharks,” Buck explains.
Eddie laughs. Not just a light laugh, but a full on laughing fit that he can’t seem to break out of for a solid five minutes. At first Buck was looking at him unamused, but that laughter was contagious and Buck couldn’t help but join in shortly after.
“Do you want me to fix that?” Eddie offers, wiping away a tear that came from laughing so hard. “I can cover that and paint real sharks if you want.”
“No offence, but I can’t imagine you being any better at painting than me,” Buck voices, looking incredibly unsure of that idea.
“Offence taken,” Eddie claims. “I’ll have you know, I’m not too bad with a paintbrush.”
“As long as it turns out better than this, then go ahead.” Buck gestures vaguely, like he’s done thinking about it.
“I think I could do better than your deformed manatees with my eyes closed, Buck,” Eddie teases, and Buck lightly hits him with the back of his hand, getting another laugh out of Eddie. “Give me an hour or so, and I’ll see what I can do. But no peeking until I’m done.”
“Deal.” Buck reaches a hand out to shake Eddie’s hand.
Buck then leaves to grab Eddie the painting supplies. When he comes back, he sees Eddie deep in thought, like he’s planning how he wants to do this.
“I’ll start by covering this up, then I’ll keep helping you with the boxes, then when that’s dry enough, I’ll start,” Eddie explains his plan, and Buck just nods along.
“Sounds good to me.”
When they walk past the house's third bedroom after Eddie is done painting over Buck’s original sharks, Eddie asks what that room is for, and Buck just shrugs his shoulders and tells him it’s empty. Which is true, the it being empty part. However, he does plan on making it a space for Chris, for if he ever wants to stay over. Maybe he can just put a bigger bed, and explain that it’s a guest room. It’d be specifically designed with Chris in mind though.
They work on putting Buck’s room together next. Buck said they could leave it for last, but Eddie was insistent that he focused on himself too. Which Buck thinks is his way of apologising for implying Buck was selfish in the grocery store, despite that Buck knows he didn’t really mean it.
Eddie helps out in his room for a bit before checking to see if the paint was dry enough. It must have been, Buck figures, because Eddie didn’t come back to the room afterwards. He’s fine with that though, because he doesn’t have to hear Eddie complain that he organises his clothes weirdly anymore.
Finishing up with his room, Buck isn’t left with a whole lot of stuff to put away anymore around the house, just a few assorted things that he threw together. It’s mostly just decorations of some sort, or more stuff he’s probably just going to store in a closet until he randomly wants to look at it or use it several months from now. Mostly just things he kept for memory sake.
Those items, he puts into a smaller box, then shoves that box into the corner of his closet. The rest, he finds homes for around his house. He might change some of it later, but for now, it’s good.
When he’s done with that, he checks the time, seeing that Eddie has been busy working away in Marina’s room for well over an hour now, almost two. So he walks over, knocking on the door.
“You ever gonna be done in there,” he says through the door, and he can hear Eddie chuckle from inside.
“Just about. Give me five minutes, then you can see it,” he says in response.
Buck just says okay to that, then moves to get started on dinner. Maddie should be coming home with Marina any time now, so it’d be nice to have food ready for when she arrives. Buck told Maddie that was going to make dinner tonight so that she wouldn't worry about feeding her.
Getting as far as pulling out a few ingredients, and pulling up a recipe on his phone, Buck gets interrupted by Eddie walking into the kitchen.
“Is it done?” Buck asks, genuinely curious as to what sort of nonsense Eddie has been working on in there for so long.
“Yeah.” Eddie nods, looking a little shy, like he’s worried about showing Buck. “You cooking?”
“Mhm,” Buck hums. “You gonna stay for dinner?”
“I can’t,” Eddie says, looking like he wishes he could. “Gotta go pick Chris up.”
“Next time,” Buck suggests. Then, “Can I go see now?” Eddie nods, holding an arm out in a gesture as if leading the way.
Walking back towards Marina’s bedroom, Buck is completely unsure of what he’s about to see. Eddie claims to be decent with a paintbrush, but Buck has zero evidence to back that up.
As Buck is reaching for the door handle, Eddie puts a hand over his eyes. Buck rolls his covered eyes in response, but just opens the door and walks in. Then once Eddie turns him to be facing the right direction, he uncovers his eyes.
Immediately, Buck’s jaw drops in shock. It’s actually… incredible.
“When the fuck did you learn how to do paint like this?” He asks incredulously, staring at the wall in front of him.
There’s three painted sharks, all different types. None have too much detail, but the style is so cool, Buck thinks. Then looking around, he sees painted bubbles around the room, as if they were actually underwater. In a few spots, there’s different kinds of small fish too, and Buck is absolutely in love with it.
“I used to love to paint and draw when I was younger,” Eddie confesses, telling Buck something new he never would have guessed.
“Why’d you stop? You’re clearly good at it.” Buck gestures around to prove his point.
With a shrug, Eddie explains, “My dad told me it was too girly, so I started doing it in secret, but then eventually life just got in the way. I had more important things to think about.”
“Well, I think you should start again,” Buck suggests. “You’ve got a talent, and your dad is dumb.”
Eddie gives him a disapproving look at that. Buck knows he has a rocky relationship with his parents, but Eddie still doesn’t like it when Buck trash talks them.
“Maybe I will. This reminded me how fun it was,” Eddie admits.
“Marina is going to love this,” Buck says. “Seriously, you might as well be superman to her. Or, uh, Marlin from Finding Nemo, because I don’t think she knows who superman is.”
Eddie chuckles at that. “Maybe Chris will teach her.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
Buck is incredibly fond of that idea. He loves thinking about Chris and Marina getting to know each other so well that they’d practically be siblings.
“I should probably head out,” Eddie declares. “This was nice, Buck. Glad we’re speaking again.”
“Yeah,” Buck agrees. “Me too. Thanks again for all your help, and for this.” He points around the room. “I appreciate it a lot. And, uh, just let me know what day you wanna go to the zoo with the kids.”
“Will do,” Eddie agrees, walking towards the front door as Buck follows. “See you at work.”
Buck gives him a wave before shutting the door behind him, then he makes his way back to finish dinner. He was going to make something more interesting, but he’s kind of tired, so he puts some stuff away, and settles on making pasta instead.
Just as he’s pulling the pot off of the hot burner, he hears Maddie knocking on his door.
Opening the door he greets Maddie and Marina with a wide smile. “Hi, sweetheart,” Buck greets, picking Marina up.
In the corner of his eye, Buck sees Maddie roll her eyes at him. “What am I? Chopped liver?” She asks sarcastically.
“Hi to you too, Maddie,” Buck says in response. “Thanks again for watching her. I managed to get it all done.”
“I see that.” Maddie looks around, probably noticing the lack of boxes everywhere. “Looks so much better.”
“Speaking of looks so much better,” Buck says, then holds Marina out to look at her face. “There’s a surprise for you in your bedroom. Let’s go have a look shall we.”
Maddie, curious, follows them inside.
They arrive at Marina’s room, and when he opens the door, the three of them step inside. Buck turns so Marina is facing the wall with the sharks. She looks at them with excitement.
“Woah! Looks so cool!” Marina says with awe in her voice.
“Seriously, Buck, who did all this?” Maddie asks, looking as amused as Marina at the new artwork. “It looks incredible.”
“Eddie,” Buck answers. “Turns out he’s amazing with a paintbrush.”
Maddie looks at him with a gleeful expression. “You told him?”
Nodding, Buck says, “That was always the plan. I just wanted to wait until we were good again, and we’re good. He wants us to join him and Chris at the zoo soon for their Halloween event.”
Marina is wriggling in his arms, so Buck puts her down, telling her not to touch the walls because they might still be wet.
“I’m so happy to hear that, Buck,” Maddie voices, giving him a proud older sister look. “Now please tell Chimney so I don’t have to keep coming up with elaborate lies as to why I’m always out of the house.”
“Uh, yeah, sorry,” Buck apologises. “I’ll tell him on our next shift.”
“Good, thank you.”
—
Since Maddie doesn’t have to work until the evening, she’s dropping Marina off at daycare before she goes, so that she doesn’t have to spend the entire day there. Which means Buck has a little bit extra time this morning before he heads to work.
He’s choosing to spend that time picking up coffee for the team. It’s the least he could do after they all welcomed him back after everything. Well, except for Bobby still, but Buck is sure it’s only a matter of time.
Assuming everyone’s order is still the same as before, Buck walks up to the counter and recalls each of their preferences. Then when he’s got two trays of drinks in his hands, he makes his way back to his Jeep.
And when he walks into the station, he’s got a wide smile on his face. He sees Hen first, so he passes her the drink he got for her first.
“Thanks, Buck,” she says with a kind smile. “Never not gonna appreciate a good morning coffee.”
The next person he runs into is Eddie. “You’re a lifesaver, Buck. I needed the caffeine.”
Chimney must have heard from Hen that he brought them all coffee because he practically ran up to him like a puppy waiting for a treat.
“Just the right amount of sugar,” he says after taking a sip. “This is the real reason I welcomed you back with open arms!”
Buck chuckles at that, then he passes the one for Bobby to Chimney. He asks him to give it to him, figuring he’d probably consider declining it from Buck right now, since he’s definitely not in his good books right now. Chimney argued that Bobby would be happy to receive a coffee from him, but Buck brushed him off. Chimney just shrugs as he walks away to do as asked.
It’s nice feeling welcome at work again. It feels less tense, and even though he knows he’s going to be told once again that he’s not allowed out on calls today, it feels enjoyable. This job, being at the station, is his happy place again. He no longer feels that longing sensation coursing through him, because he’s back… mostly.
Truthfully, he’s not sure what he has to do to prove to Bobby that he’s ready to be fully back, but once he has any sort of inkling, he’ll do whatever it is in a heartbeat.
After Bobby’s morning briefing, Chimney approaches him, pulling him to a more secluded area.
“Do you have any idea what’s going on with your sister?” He pries. “I feel like she’s been acting strange, and coming up with lies about her whereabouts, and I just don’t want to assume anything but… I’m lost here.”
Buck winces at that, feeling bad, because it sort of is his fault.
“Yeah, about that–” He gets interrupted by the bell. “I guess I’ll tell you later.”
“I’m holding you to that,” Chimney shouts as he runs towards his gear.
—
And he does.
Practically the second he hops out of the ambulance when they return, he’s approaching Buck as he’s walking to grab something from the supply closet.
“Spill, Buckley,” he demands. “What do you know? What’s going on with Maddie.”
“Oh, uh, it has nothing to do with her actually,” Buck starts, taking a glance around to see who might be within earshot. Chimney just drags them to the secluded supply closet when he notices.
“Is it about me then?”
With dumbfounded surprise written on his face, Buck spits out, “No, what? Did you do something?”
“No! That’s why I’m confused,” he voices.
“Okay… Well, she’s just been, uh– I asked her to keep it a secret–”
“So, it’s a you thing then?” Chimney interrupts, and Buck nods. “Do I wanna know?” There’s hesitance in his voice. “‘Cause you know I can’t keep a secret.”
“Maybe I should tell you last then.” Thinking about it, yeah, that’d make the most sense. There’s no way Chimney wouldn’t accidentally blurt it out in front of Bobby before Buck wanted him to know about it. “Just know that Maddie being weird is because she’s keeping my secret.”
“Good enough for me,” Chimney accepts. “Thanks, Buckley.”
With that, he steps out of the supply closet and walks away. As Buck is stepping out himself, he sees Hen giving him a confused, slightly concerned look.
“What was that about?”
“He was just asking why Maddie was acting strange, and I just told him it was because she was keeping my secret,” he explains.
Hen gives him an inquisitive look. “You have a secret?”
“You can’t tell Bobby… or Chim, because he’d tell Bobby,” Buck stipulates, and when Hen nods in agreement to the terms, he confesses. “I, uh– I have a daughter. She’s three… almost. Her name’s Marina, and she’s pretty great. I didn’t know about her until recently, but I’m glad to have her in my life now that I know.”
Hen’s jaw has dropped as low as Buck thinks she physically can allow it as he looks at her. Gathering herself back together, she opens and closes her mouth multiple times, as if trying to figure out what words to say to that. Eventually she seems to settle on something.
“Wow, Buck.” She blinks a couple times. “I’m– Do you have a picture?” She asks, and Buck nods with excitement. He loves showing people pictures of her. The other day he may or may not have spent five minutes showing pictures to the grocery store clerk that was waiting for a price check.
What can he say, he’s proud of her.
So, pulling out his phone, Buck goes to a recent photo of her that he took while she was playing at the park, and turns his phone for Hen to see.
“Aww, Buck, she’s adorable,” Hen coos. “I’m happy for you. You seem happy about this.”
“I am,” he confirms. “I love her so much it physically hurts sometimes.”
“Oh, trust me, I get that.” She laughs. “But how come you’re keeping this from Cap?”
“I’ll tell him when he stops being pissed at me,” Buck informs. “I don’t want him to not like her because he doesn’t like me right now, or I don’t want him to start liking me again just because of my adorable daughter.”
Hen shakes her head along with an eye roll. “Buck, he doesn’t not like you. He’s… I don’t even know what to call it, but he’ll get over it.”
“I believe that, I do,” Buck says. “I still want to wait until it feels like I’m telling him as a friend again, and not my boss that barely tolerates me right now.”
“I see.” Hen nods. “I’ll keep your secret safe. Does Eddie know?”
Buck nods. “Yeah. We’ve got plans to take our kids to the zoo together soon.”
“I’m sure that’ll be a blast.”
The tones go off again, and Hen rushes off to join the team as Buck stays back to keep doing random tasks to keep him from combusting out of boredom.
—
“Y’know, now that we live near each other, maybe we can carpool sometimes,” Eddie suggests, changing into a non-work shirt now that their shift is over.
“That, uh, sounds like a good idea actually,” Buck agrees. “Even if you’re just suggesting it so that you don’t have to drive as much.” Buck knows that Eddie hates driving in LA traffic. He does too, but nowhere near to the same degree that Eddie does.
“I’m just trying to look out for the environment, Buck,” Eddie lies with a grin.
“Mhm. Totally.”
“Anyway, how does this weekend sound for the zoo?” Eddie suggests. “We could all go for dinner after. My treat.”
“That sounds great, Eddie, but you really don’t have to pay,” Buck dismisses.
Eddie shakes his head, giving Buck a fond smile. “I’m just trying to give your credit card a well deserved break.”
That gets a chuckle out of Buck.
“Okay, fine,” Buck gives in. Then the two of them walk to the parking lot together after grabbing their things from their lockers.
Buck is pretty sure he’s going to be more excited to go to the zoo than the kids. It’s his first time taking Marina, and it’ll be the first time he sees Chris in a while. Plus, any time he gets to spend with Eddie is something to look forward to.
Notes:
ugh i have to move in two weeks and it's beyond stressful. but at least my landlord isn't charging me rent this month, and he's paying me a months rent on top of that so that's great ig
anyways, Buck JumpsToConclusions Buckley back at it again. Eddie did not block him, Buck just assumed so...
also i clearly hc that eddie is good at art. and we've got them going to the zoo as a little family next chapter so that's nice. finally some chris and marina interactions :P also now the amount of buddie moments is really gonna ramp up which i'm excited about :D
see y'all next friday
Chapter 10
Summary:
Buck and Eddie take the kids to the zoo.
Notes:
idk if it's necessary but i'm going to warn that there's a very brief moment where buck thinks something happened to marina in this, but she's totally okay!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Jacket? Yup. Snacks? Yes. Water bottle? Check,” Buck lists off, trying to make sure he’s prepared for their outing to the zoo today. Taking another brief glance around, he tries to remember if he’s forgetting something. “I think we’re good to go. Ready?”
Marina nods excitedly, waiting semi-patiently by the door. “Ready!”
“Let’s go then!”
Picking up the backpack he’s got packed with things he thinks they could possibly need for the day, he slings it over his shoulder before grabbing one of Marina’s hands. He guides her to his Jeep, helping her get inside before climbing into the front himself.
They decided that Buck would stop and pick up Eddie and Chris on the way, so as to not have to bring two cars. It’s more convenient that way. So, that’s where they’re headed first.
Pulling up to Eddie’s house, Buck sees the two of them already waiting outside for them. A big smile grows on his face at the sight of Chris. He’s missed him so much. Getting out, Buck rushes over to pull Chris into a hug.
“I’ve missed you, buddy,” Buck says as he’s putting him back on the ground.
“Missed you too, Buck,” Chris replies with a smile.
Eddie watches the interaction with a fond expression on his face, then he ushers the two of them back to Buck’s vehicle.
When Buck is seated in the driver's seat, he turns to Marina, who’s looking at the two strangers getting into the car with concern. “Marina, this is Chris and Eddie. You remember me telling you about them, right?”
There’s recognition in Marina’s eyes at the names, so she nods.
After Chris is comfortably seated on his booster seat that Eddie put in, he turns to Marina, holding out a hand in greeting. “Nice to meet you, Marina.” Marina then takes his hand, letting him shake it before dropping it.
Marina doesn’t verbally reply, but she gives him a big smile, and Buck wants to tattoo this interaction on his eyelids so he can see it forever.
Turning back towards the front, Buck sees Eddie giving them a look that he’s pretty sure exactly mirrors what his expression was while looking at them.
“Alright, let’s go!” Buck announces, putting the car into drive. That gets a couple cheers from the back seats, and a smile from Eddie, this time directed at him.
Arriving at the zoo, they ended up getting roped into getting a family zoo pass. Or more realistically the super unenthusiastic teen that was probably forced to promote it was somehow convincing enough for Buck. He had turned to Eddie with puppy-dog eyes, and said, then we can come back as many times as we want. Really we’d save money in the long run!
Eddie looked like he wouldn’t have done it if Buck wasn’t there, but with a roll of his eyes he gave in.
So now, with a new family zoo pass, the four of them make their way inside.
“You two have to always make sure to stay where we can see you, okay?” Eddie says, mostly to Chris, because Buck doesn’t plan on letting Marina further than arm's reach at any given moment.
“I know, Dad,” Chris replies, looking like he’s probably already been told that a few times.
Looking at the map he got from admissions, Buck says, “After the entry promenade, we’ll check out the children’s zoo, then I’m thinking we take the loop in a clockwise direction?” Glancing up, Buck looks for anyone’s differing opinions. There doesn’t seem to be any.
“Sounds great, Buck,” Eddie agrees, though Buck thinks he’d say the same if he suggested a counterclockwise route instead.
There’s not a whole lot in the entry area, but the kids are fascinated by the seals and alligators that they do have there. Marina especially. She just loves anything water related, as Buck is already well aware of.
Plus, the whole area is covered in Halloween decorations. It doesn’t really add anything much to the zoo itself, but both kids are having fun pointing it all out.
“Look, Marina, there’s a giant spider over there,” Chris points out, directing her attention to the decoration on the outside of an enclosure. She looks at it with amazement, proceeding to point it out to her dad as well.
Arriving at the children’s zoo area, they come across the axolotls.
“They look weird,” Marina murmurs, pressing her face right up to the glass cage, leaving handprints on each side of her head.
“They’re pretty neat though. They can regrow their limbs,” Buck informs, “And are only found in the wild in one area in the world. Which means that they’re unfortunately close to extinction in the wild because of habitat loss and pollution.”
Marina doesn’t seem to care too much about what he’s saying, just watching the axolotls move around. Chris on the other hand seems to find that more fascinating.
“They can really regrow limbs?”
“Mhm,” Buck hums. “They can even regrow some organs, including their hearts, brain, and lungs. Pretty impressive.”
“That’s so cool,” Chris says with excitement. Then he turns to Eddie. “Dad, can we get one?”
There’s a chuckle that escapes Eddie that Buck can read as never gonna happen, but nice try. “No, maybe at most I’d let you get a hamster.”
“Really?!” Chris perks up even more at that idea, and Eddie looks like he regrets bringing that idea to his mind.
“Maybe. We’ll see.”
Then Buck drags Marina away from the glass to bring them to the next exhibit. Chris and Eddie follow alongside them.
After making their way through the next few exhibits, Buck stops to make sure Marina drinks some water before they continue. Then Marina tells him she’s tired of walking and he regrets not renting a stroller earlier. But that’s solved when Eddie offers to keep an eye on her while he runs and gets one.
Thankfully they weren’t too far in, so it doesn’t take Buck too long to make it back to them. But when he does, he sees Eddie carrying Marina, pointing out one of the animals to her with a wide grin on his face. Pulling out his phone, Buck snaps a couple photos before putting it away and approaching them.
“The princess’ ride has arrived,” Buck announces, getting a giggle out of Marina as Eddie sits her down on the stroller.
When they walk past a food place that sells ice cream, Chris turns to his dad to ask, “Dad, can we get ice cream?” Marina gets an excited expression on her face at that. “See, Marina wants some, and are you really going to say no to her?”
“Hey, you can’t use Marina against me to get your way,” Eddie scolds, though he’s chuckling so it gives it zero merit.
“You’re dad’s right, Chris, ‘cause then he’d have to give you everything, because who could say no to such a cutie.” Buck ruffles Marina’s hair as he calls her a cutie.
“So that’s a yes to ice cream, right?” Chris asks, and both Buck and Eddie nod.
They take a break to eat their ice cream.
It came with a chocolate drizzle on top in the shape of a cobweb. Once again, something the kids found amusement in.
Marina was once again upset by the no bubble gum flavor, but once she started eating hers, she was more than content with what she got. She made a mess with it as usual, but thankfully Buck came prepared with a clean shirt in his bag.
“I’m glad Chris is past the whole getting ice cream everywhere when he eats it stage,” Eddie chuckles when Buck comes back.
“It’s not just ice cream,” Buck informs, letting Marina follow Chris as he tosses something in the garbage a few feet away. “It’s anything and everything. I swear I could give her a slice of bread and the mess would be just as bad.” He chuckles as he recalls the many food messes he’s had to clean.
Chris and Marina walk back towards them, and Buck asks, “Ready to continue?” And with them all in agreement, they continue making their way through seeing the enclosures.
Watching Chris and Marina look at all the animals with excitement is making Buck smile so hard that his cheeks are starting to hurt. He’s so happy right now.
“Look at that monkey over there, Marina,” Chris says, pointing to a monkey swinging in the back of its enclosure. Marina then looks at the direction Chris is pointing at, and Buck can see when she spots the monkey, because her smile grows tenfold.
“Pretty sure my photo storage is going to be full by the end of the day,” Buck utters, taking another photo of Marina and Chris.
“Oh, mine too,” Eddie laughs.
At this point they’ve almost made it through the whole zoo. They sat down for barely twenty minutes at some point to have lunch, but both Chris and Marina wanted to get to the next enclosure. Eddie tried assuring them that it wasn’t going anywhere, but they didn’t let up.
They pretty much just have a couple sections left, then they’ll make their way back to the front.
And as it turns out, the rainforest of the Americas section is Marina’s favorite. But that’s just because there’s an aquarium.
“Daddy, there’s fishies!” She cheers, running towards the glass, watching the fish swim with complete awe in her expression.
“Yeah, they’re pretty cool, huh?” Buck asks, and Marina nods her head enthusiastically.
Chris isn’t nearly as fascinated by the fish as Marina is, but he doesn’t complain when they stick around the area for longer so that she can enjoy it.
“You see those things on the side of their heads that move?” Chris asks Marina, mimicking fish gills on the sides of his head, then pointing to one of the fish closest to them. “That’s their gills, it’s how they breathe underwater.”
Marina then copies the movement Chris did, pretending to have fish gills herself. She then breaks out into giggles.
“We’ve got to get her to the aquarium at some point,” Eddie whispers to Buck, leaning close as they both watch their kids together.
“I’m just afraid that once we get her in there, we won’t be able to get her to leave. She’ll just accept that as her new home,” Buck replies with a chuckle. Then talking to the kids, Buck wonders, “Ready to move on?”
Marina looks like she doesn’t want to leave, but looks to Chris like she wants to follow his lead at the same time. Chris takes this opportunity to move on to the next thing, and Marina sticks close to Chris as they walk to the next exhibit. It’s clear she’s already quite fond of him, and Buck adores that so much.
Eventually their time at the zoo comes to an end, and they’re making their way back to Buck’s jeep with new toys from the giftshop in hand. Eddie said no, but Buck couldn’t not say yes. It was his daughter’s first time at the zoo with him, okay? He had to. And then of course, he couldn’t leave Chris out.
Leaning over, Eddie whispers to Buck, “I see why you’re afraid to look at your credit card bill. Y’know you’re going to have to learn to say no to her eventually, right?”
“I say no sometimes,” Buck argues weakly. It’s true, but also he knows he says yes too much. Eddie chuckles in response.
When they’re all buckled in the car, Eddie asks the kids, “Where do you guys want to eat dinner?”
Chris doesn’t hesitate to throw in his opinion, and when Marina doesn’t object to it, Buck drives them to Chris’ restaurant of choice.
—
All in all the day was a success. It was unbelievably nice to get to spend the day with Chris and Eddie again, but this time with his daughter tagging along too. He’s glad that Chris and Marina get along, because he has a feeling that they’re going to end up spending a fair amount of time together.
Eddie seems to adore Marina too, which warms Buck’s heart. The way he seems to care for her like Buck himself cares for Chris means the world to him.
After dinner, Marina didn’t take more than a few minutes in the car home before she slipped into sleep, which makes sense, considering how busy they were today, and the fact that she refused to take a nap at any point. She just didn’t want to miss out on the excitement. He’s pretty spent himself, to be fair.
Pulling up to Eddie’s place, Buck puts the Jeep into park, turning to Eddie. “Thanks again for the invite. I had a great time, and I know little miss sleepy back there did too.”
“You two are always going to be welcome to our outings,” Eddie offers. “Next time we’ll hit the aquarium.”
With a nod and a smile, Buck watches as Eddie hops out of the vehicle. “See you at work.” Then turning to Chris. “I’ll see you again soon, Chris. Thanks for being so patient with Marina today.”
“She’s pretty great, so it’s easy,” Chris replies as Eddie helps him out of the car. That earns a wider grin from Buck.
Saying bye one last time, Buck waves to them both, watching them wave back before making their way to their front door. Buck waits to make sure they made it inside before driving Marina and himself home.
Pulling Marina out of her car seat, she stirs awake, blinking a few times.
“I’ve got you, I’m just bringing you inside,” he whispers, rubbing a soothing thumb along her arm. “Once you’re ready for bed, you can go back to sleep, okay?”
She nods, snuggling closer to Buck, letting her eyes shut again as he carries her inside.
It doesn’t take long to help her go to the bathroom, brush her teeth, and get changed before he’s tucking her into bed for the night. Sitting down next to her on her bed, he asks, “Did you have fun today?”
She hums a sleepy affirmative before Buck leans down to kiss her forehead. He then proceeds to read her a bedtime story, and by the time he’s reached the end of the story he knows she’s hanging onto being awake with the tiniest thread. So, he whispers, “I love you, sweet dreams.”
Giving her back a gentle rub, he then stands up to leave her to sleep. Following that, he tidies up the mess he made trying to organise things before they left earlier, then sits down in the living room to watch something to wind down from the day.
—
Waking up the next day, Buck is greeted by a text from Eddie.
Eddie
Chris was wondering if you and Marina wanted to go halloween costume shopping today?
He’s been begging me to take him
Then he pulled the Marina card again
Said “did you really want us to go trick or treating together without costumes?”
Buck
he wants to go trick or treating with her???
but yes of course
that sounds fun
omg now i can’t stop picturing her in cute costumes
The idea that Chris suggested the idea that they spend Halloween together makes Buck ridiculously happy. Yes, he’d love that to no end. Eddie and him bringing the two of them house to house, watching them get excited about getting candy. Taking pics of them in their costumes as proud dads until both kids are annoyed with it. It’s pure luck whether or not they’re working a holiday, and luck was on their side for Halloween this year it seems.
Maybe the universe just knew he didn’t want to miss his daughter’s first Halloween with him, even if he has a feeling she won’t be able to stay out too long because she’s still quite little.
Eddie
Chris claims to have a trick to get extra candy and wants to show her
I think she might be the trick tbh
Think you could make pancakes for lunch?
Chris has been missing your pancakes
Apparently mine aren’t good enough >:(
Then we could head out from your place?
Buck
of course
anything for chris
and maybe chris’ trick is just being adorable himself
now they can tag team
no one will stand a chance
Since it’s now decided that they’re having pancakes for lunch, Buck figures he shouldn’t do something sweet for breakfast as well. Instead he decides on eggs.
Checking up on Marina, he sees her trying to climb her dresser to grab a toy Buck put up there yesterday. Lifting her to stop her, Buck tells her, “No climbing the furniture. If you need something from high up, you can ask me, okay?” Thankfully, he knew to bolt the dresser to the wall. He’s been to far too many calls where the parent didn’t.
With her nod, Buck sets her back down, then passes her the toy.
“T’ank you,” she murmurs, sitting down to play.
After explaining that he’s going to make them some breakfast, and that he’ll come get her when it’s ready, he makes his way to the kitchen. And since it’s a pretty simple thing to make, Buck doesn't take long to get a plate for Marina and him ready.
Of course Marina reminds him to do their morning dance before they eat though.
—
“Woah, Buck, your new place is nicer than ours,” Chris says as soon as he walks in the door.
Eddie gives Chris an offended look. “There’s nothing wrong with our place.” Then he turns to Buck. “Hey.”
“Hi,” Buck greets with a chuckle. “I’ve got the pancakes all made. Marina has been waiting quite impatiently for them, if I might say, so let’s eat.”
With a nod, Eddie starts making his way to the kitchen table, Chris following behind. Then when Chris takes a seat, Buck moves Chris’ crutches so they’re close but out of the way, then sits down himself next to Marina, who’s waving at the guests.
“Hey, little Marnie,” Eddie greets with a smile.
“Marnie?” Buck questions, though he kind of likes the sound of the nickname. And the fact that Eddie gave it to her.
“When I did ballroom dancing, my partner's little sister’s name was Marina, but we always called her Marnie. I always liked it,” Eddie explains, and Buck is left with a slack jaw from surprise.
“You did what now?”
“I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned that before,” Eddie argues, and Buck is quick to shake his head in disagreement.
“Uh… no. No, I think I’d remember that fact,” Buck points out. “First I find out you know how to paint, then I find out you did ballroom dancing… What else are you hiding?”
“You can paint?” Chris asks his dad with curious excitement at the idea. Buck just gestures like see what I mean? Because these things are not common knowledge.
“Yeah, after lunch I’ll show you the stuff he did in Marina’s room,” Buck offers, leaning over to cut up Marina’s pancake for her. “Right, Marina? Eddie painted really cool sharks in your room?”
She nods, then takes her fork to stab a piece of pancake before taking a bite, letting syrup smear around her mouth in the process.
“How come you never painted anything in my room?” Chris asks with a mouthful of pancake.
“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Eddie scolds lightly, then, “Did you want me to paint something in your room?”
After Chris swallows his bite of food, he says, “If it’s cool, then yeah.”
“Okay, I’ll ask the landlord if they’re okay with me painting on the walls,” Eddie offers, then takes a bite of the food himself. “Chris, you’re right, these are better than mine.”
“Told you.”
Buck chuckles. Then when he turns to Marina, he sighs, seeing that she’s made a complete mess of herself. Turning to Eddie, he gives him a look that reads see, what did I tell you? Because she’s so messy when she eats.
Which Buck doesn’t understand because otherwise she’s not all that messy. Sure, she’s not afraid to get dirt all over her clothes, she once got into his flour and made a very hard to clean mess in his kitchen, and will not hesitate to stick her hands in a stranger's paint bucket, but… Okay, now that he thinks about it, she’s just messy in general.
“I’m thinking we might need to have bath time before we go shopping, hmm?” Buck says, using a napkin to wipe at Marina’s face. She pushes his hand away so that she can take another bite. That gets syrup on his own hands, so he uses the napkin to wipe at that instead.
—
Arriving at the store, Buck holds Marina’s hand as they follow Eddie and Chris to the children's section of the costume area. Buck is pretty sure that Chris has something in mind for himself, but Buck has no idea what he’s going to dress Marina up as yet. He’ll probably let her pick out whatever random thing she wants, because she’ll look adorable in anything.
Marina follows Chris to the end of the aisle to look at whatever it is that Chris is interested in over there. Buck and Eddie just sort through the items over on this end to see if anything catches their eyes for either of the kids.
“You gonna dress up?” Eddie wonders, nudging Buck with his elbow.
“Wasn’t planning on it, to be honest,” Buck replies. “You?”
“If I’m off on Halloween I like to dress up with Chris. It’s half the fun, you know?” Is Eddie’s response. “I can think of a few costumes that I think you could pull off.”
Smirking, Buck prompts, “Like what?”
“Something tells me you’d look good in a cowboy hat.” Eddie grins, pretending to put a cowboy hat on Buck.
“Oh I know I look good in a cowboy hat,” Buck assures, fake tipping the imaginary hat. “And you do know what it means to put a cowboy hat on someone, right? You hitting on me, Diaz?” Buck jokes, getting a laugh out of the both of them, and slightly rosy cheeks from Eddie.
“You wish, Buckley.”
Then they get interrupted by Chris and Marina coming back over. “Dad, they don’t have a good spiderman costume,” Chris complains.
“How dead set are you on that costume idea?” Eddie asks, and Buck can tell he doesn’t want to go searching around the city for one, but he would if Chris really wanted it.
Chris shrugs. “I went as a superhero last year, so maybe I can try something new.”
“What about you, Marina?” Buck asks. “What do you want to dress up as? A pirate maybe? Or… how about a firefighter, just like your dad, huh?” He suggests.
She shakes her head at those ideas, then shrugs.
“Oh, I know!” Eddie chimes in, pulling something off of one of the hooks from behind them, and showing it to Buck and Marina. “This.”
That gets an enthusiastic nod from her. “Sharky! I wan’ it!”
With a chuckle, Buck notes, “That was surprisingly easy.”
The costume Eddie had picked out was a little grey shark costume, where the open mouth of the shark is where her head would be. Buck is sure that she’ll be the cutest little shark in the city when she puts it on.
It takes Chris a while longer to decide on something, but he ended up settling on a vampire costume because he liked the fake fangs. He said that now both Marina’s and his costumes have sharp teeth.
Eddie was then insistent that Buck pick a costume for himself. He ended up going with a vampire costume to match with Chris, because Eddie chose to pick a lifeguard costume to match with Marina after Buck refused to dress as a lifeguard himself.
That has everything to do with how the last time he had to save people from the ocean went. Nope, not a fun costume idea for him. However, Eddie matching Marina is adorable, so he loves that.
And when everything is paid for, Buck drives them back to his place, because that’s where Eddie is parked. Then Buck invites Chris and Eddie to stay for a bit to watch a movie before dinner.
—
Currently the kids are playing in Marina’s room as Buck and Eddie tidy up after dinner.
“Hey, I wanted to say something,” Eddie starts, turning off the tap where he was washing dishes. Buck gives him a curious, but slightly concerned look. “Nothing bad. I just… I wanted to apologise.”
“Eddie, you’ve already apologised, I’ve already apologised, it’s fine. We’re fine,” Buck assures.
Eddie shakes his head. “We are good, yeah, but I can’t stop thinking about what I said to you in the grocery store. I haven’t apologised for that yet, and I think it’s what I owe you the most.”
“Look, Eddie, I know you didn’t mean it,” Buck jumps in.
“I didn’t,” Eddie assures firmly. “None of it. You aren’t selfish, you aren’t exhausting– Hell, life is exhausting without you. I learned that recently. It’s no excuse, but with everything that’s happened this year, I sort of just… I was overwhelmed and scared, and I took it out on you, because you were easy to blame. And I am sorry.”
“Um, well, thanks, Eds. I appreciate the apology.” Buck gives him a soft smile. “I never really took most of what you said to heart. I knew you were going through something of your own, and that’s sort of what you do. You lash out, then feel awful about it afterwards and use it to tear yourself down even more.”
“Most… What part did you take to heart?”
“I, uh…” Buck doesn’t want to make Eddie feel bad by bringing it up. However, he knows Eddie will just feel worse if he’s stressed thinking about it. Besides, it might be nice to be reassured that Eddie doesn’t actually think he is a bad dad. “The last thing you said. About me focusing too much on my crap to be a good dad.”
Eddie’s eyes shoot open at the reminder of what he said. “Shit, Buck. I– I’m a piece of shit.”
“Hey, don’t talk about yourself like that,” Buck scolds, hating when Eddie is harsh on himself, because he knows how others in his life are, he doesn’t need it from himself as well. “You’re not. Yeah, that might have been a shitty thing to say. You didn’t know about Marina though, and maybe you thought it was true, or do. I don’t know. But–”
“I didn’t, and I don’t think that, Buck.” His voice is firm as he interrupts Buck. “Before I even knew about Marina, I knew you’d be a great dad. It wasn’t until you stopped being available that I realised just how much I relied on you when it came to Chris. So when I no longer had that support, I panicked. Again, not an excuse, just my thoughts. I was mad at you for not stepping up to be there for me with Chris during the lawsuit, even though it wasn’t your responsibility, and so I said that in a cruel attempt to get back at you. I do not, and will not ever think you of all people could ever be anything but an incredible dad.”
That’s a huge relief. A part of Buck still thinks there’s some truth to what Eddie said, even if Eddie didn’t mean it, but it’s really good knowing that Eddie doesn’t think that of him.
“It takes two seconds of watching you with your daughter to know how great of a father you are. You stepped up when she needed you, and she couldn’t have been luckier than to have landed in your home. You’re doing a great job in a stressful situation, and I applaud you. I know first hand how difficult it is to raise a kid on your own, and I don’t think I did nearly as good as you’re doing.”
“I don’t know about that, I think you are and have been doing pretty good. Chris is pretty lucky too, y’know?” Buck replies. “Thank you, though. I think I really needed to hear that from you.”
If there’s anybody’s word he’d accept at face value, it’d be Eddie. Because Eddie is not one to shy away from the much needed truth, unlike Maddie who tends to try and protect him and his feelings a lot. Which he doesn’t exactly mind. It’s nice to be cared for like that too. But he’s glad he has Eddie, is all.
“And I’ll say it a thousand times more if you need me to. Again, I am sorry.”
“I appreciate it, but we’re good. Let’s get back to the dishes.” Buck gives him a soft smile, and Eddie smiles softly back in return, turning the tap back on.
—
Chimney told him once that being man behind feels like the end of the world, but isn’t. Buck is inclined to disagree, because if he has to sit through one more twenty-four hour shift without going out on calls, he’s going to snap. He only has so much patience in him. And it’s run out.
As they’re sitting at the table, waiting for Hen so that they can get started on lunch, Buck sees her walking up the stairs to the loft, pulling her phone away from her ear.
“Everything alright?” Bobby pries.
“Cap, I’m sorry to do this, but I guess there’s a stomach bug going around, and Denny caught it. And I can’t get a hold of Karen right now,” she explains, and Buck feels for her. He just did the whole taking care of a sick kid thing, so he gets how rough these next couple days will be for her.
Bobby gives her an understanding look. “Go take care of your kid, Hen. We’ll be alright here.”
“Thanks, Cap,” she appreciates before making her way back downstairs.
“Wow, that stomach bug is really making its way through the firehouse kids, huh?” Eddie says without thinking, taking a bite out of his food now that they aren’t waiting on anyone.
“It got Chris too?” Bobby asks, and for a second Eddie looks confused before he schools his expression.
“Oh, uh, yeah… Rough couple days, but you know kids, they bounce back quick,” he replies in an attempt to save the secret almost spilled.
And of course, because when does it not when they’re eating? The alarm goes off. Buck stays seated, figuring he’d wait till they’re all gone to put the food in containers until they get back, but then Bobby approaches him.
“Buck, you’re with us on this one. We’re short staffed with Hen gone, so we might need the extra set of hands,” Bobby tells him, and he immediately jumps out of his seat, ready to run to action. Bobby puts a hand on his shoulder to stop him. “You do exactly as I say, okay? No running anywhere you’re not meant to be, or doing anything I don’t approve of. Got it?”
“Got it, Cap.”
With that, Bobby encourages Buck to rush to catch up with the rest of the team before they all make their way out to the call.
Buck listens as Bobby tells them some preliminary facts about the call. “It’s looking like a structure fire, started in the kitchen located in the east end of the building. At the moment, I have no information on the status of civilians. We’ll see what we’re dealing with when we get there, then I’ll send you off in pairs to get working.”
As the truck moves along the roads, a sinking feeling forms in Buck’s stomach. This drive feels oddly familiar, and Buck can’t help but feel like something about this is more wrong than usual.
Eddie bumps his knee against Buck’s, catching his attention. You okay? He mouths at him, and Buck shrugs.
“Cap, what's the address we’re going to again?”
“We should just be pulling up in a moment here,” Bobby replies, and Buck’s heart drops when he sees the building that’s caught on fire.
There’s no hesitation in his actions, so much so that he isn’t even sure that the fire engine fully stops moving before he’s swinging the door open and jumping out. As soon as his feet hit the floor, he’s sprinting towards the building. The one he knows well, because it’s where he’s been dropping and picking his daughter up from since he started back at the 118. It’s her daycare.
From behind him, Eddie must have figured out what was happening, because he muttered out shit before running after him. Bobby, on the other hand, sighed frustratedly, and mumbled under his breath, “I’m going to kill that kid, I swear.”
There’s nothing stopping him from entering the building, not the fact that he’s not wearing his full gear, nor the fact that by doing so, he’s risking his job again after everything. He doesn’t care about any of that though. All that matters right now is making sure that Marina is safe, and away from the fire.
It’s incredibly smoky inside, and Buck can hardly see anything.
“LAFD call out!” He shouts, voice panicked in a way it never usually is while on the job, hoping for a response.
“Over here!” A voice replies, followed by some coughing. Buck recognizes it as Leslie’s voice.
Using the wall to help guide him inside, Buck covers mouth and nose the best he can before making his way to the direction that he heard the call come from.
“Leslie, call out again!”
“Here!”
She’s close, Buck can tell, and so he continues making his way. As he’s doing so he feels a tap on his shoulder from behind him.
“Buck, put this on!” Eddie shouts, passing him a mask and oxygen tank. Buck does so as quickly as he can before continuing his search.
Eventually he comes across Leslie. “Leslie, where’s–”
She cuts him off. “She’s outside. They’re all outside.” She’s then coughing again as Buck lets out a huge sigh of relief.
Both Eddie and Buck help guide her outside as quickly as they can. The second they make it outside, Buck is quick to ask, “Where is she?”
“To the side of the building. Over there.” She points in a direction, coughing again. “That’s where our muster point is. Don’t worry, we got everyone out before the fire or even smoke got anywhere near the kids.”
“Then why were you still inside?” Buck hears Eddie ask as Buck is running in the direction Leslie pointed in, dropping his mask onto the ground now that he doesn’t need it. He figures that Eddie is more than capable of getting Leslie to Chimney so he could check her out and give her oxygen.
It’s not that he doesn’t care about Leslie, it’s just that he doesn’t think his heart will stop racing, and this pit in his stomach won't go away until he actually sees that his daughter is okay.
Approaching the area, Buck scans through the small gathering of people before he spots Marina and runs to her. Approaching her, he drops to his knees and pulls her in for a tight embrace.
“Thank god, you’re okay,” he breathes out, feeling a tear escape his eye as he holds her. Pulling away to get a better look at her, he sees that she’s crying too. “It’s okay, kiddo, you’re okay. I’ve got you.” He pulls her in again, kissing the top of her head, not noticing the other person who is now standing next to him.
“I think you’ve been looking for this?” Eddie says towards Marina, crouching down to give her the stuffed shark he’s holding. Marina takes it, shoving it between Buck and herself as Buck continues holding her. “Turns out Leslie ran back inside to grab this for her, because she knew how much she loved it.”
“I– She really shouldn’t have,” Buck expresses. “I’m going to have to both thank and yell at her.”
“Oh, don’t worry, she already got a mouthful from me,” Eddie assures. “I’m really glad she’s okay, Buck.” He places a hand on Buck’s shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly, like he’s reminding Buck that everything is and will be okay.
“Me too.”
He has no idea what he’d do if something happened to her. The only other time he felt that level of dread and fear coursing through him was when he lost Chris in the tsunami. Thankfully this was only for a few moments, not several helpless hours.
Hearing heavy, angry sounding footsteps coming his way, Buck looks up to see Bobby give him a pissed off look. Then as he gets closer his expression shifts more neutral, confused even, like his plan to yell at Buck for disobeying orders changed when he saw him holding Marina.
“Fire me if you have to, Bobby, but I do not regret my actions,” Buck tells him firmly, voice a smidge wet from the tears that are coming from both relief and lingering fear. “I had to do it.”
“Buck, you sit out for the rest of the call, we’ll talk when we get back to the station,” Bobby instructs, voice soft, and not pissed off like he was expecting. “But Eddie, I need you to assist with hosing down the building. I want you to go help out on the north side.” His tone is back to his usual captain tone when he gives out the instructions.
“Got it, Cap,” Eddie obeys, running in that direction after giving Buck a slight head nod.
Bobby gives Buck another glance before making his way back towards the building to get back to work without giving another word to Buck.
Picking Marina up, Buck carries her closer to the ambulance, wanting Chimney to check her over just in case, despite the fact that Leslie said the kids got out before the smoke or fire got near them.
“Chim, can you check her out?” Buck requests. “Be thorough, please.”
“Was she in the fire?” He asks, already putting on a new set of gloves.
Shaking his head, Buck explains, “No, I was told she got out before it became a big fire, but I just want to be sure.”
“Before I do, I was instructed to make sure you got some oxygen,” Chimney informs, patting on the edge of the ambulance, telling Buck to sit. “Because some idiot thought it was a good idea to run into a fire without his mask. Been too long and you forgot protocols or something?”
“Don’t worry about me, just–”
“ Buck. ”
Buck then obeys, grabbing the oxygen mask, and putting it over his mouth. And once Chimney is satisfied, he starts checking Marina for any concerning signs.
When he’s done, he turns to Buck, “She’s perfectly healthy, Buck.”
Pulling his mask away, Buck says, “You sure?”
Rolling his eyes, Chimney pulls the mask back over Buck’s mouth. “I’m sure. Now sit there with that for a bit.”
Buck drops the mask for a second, so he can pull Marina onto his lap, not wanting her any further right now. Then he puts the oxygen mask back on, because he knows it’s a good idea.
After some time has lapsed, and Buck feels like he’s been breathing the oxygen for long enough he puts the mask down.
“You see Eddie over there on the ladder, spraying water onto the building?” Buck points out to Marina. “He’s trying to stop the fire from getting any bigger. That’s what they’re all doing.”
Marina seems fascinated, watching them hose down the slowly shrinking fire.
“And this thing here–” He picks up the oxygen mask to show her. “It gives you oxygen to help you breathe if you breathe in smoke, because smoke is bad for you. Do you want to try it?”
Marina nods, and Buck holds the oxygen over her face for her to see what it’s like.
When he pulls it away, he picks her up, bringing her inside the ambulance. “And in here is where Chimney and Hen help take care of people who have owies or are sick, and they take them to the hospital.” He points out a few items in there that he thinks might be interesting to her.
Buck then brings Marina up into the front of the ambulance. “This is where they have all the buttons for the lights and sirens. See this one here turns on the loud noise to let people know it’s coming.” Marina then hits the button, letting the siren blare.
Immediately, Buck panics, and shuts it off. “Maybe that’s enough of that,” he says, stepping out of the ambulance, seeing that there were several eyes on them. He gives them an awkward apologetic wave.
He would show her the fire engine or ladder truck, but he doesn’t want to bring her any closer to the fire, so instead he just continues to explain what each person is doing.
After the fire is finally put out, and a crew comes in to deal with the clean up, the 118 start gathering all their things to head back to the station.
Walking up to Bobby, Buck clears his throat. “I kind of need to bring her back with me,” he explains, hoping Bobby doesn’t deny his request, or question him about it.
He does not. “Of course, Buck.”
They don’t have a car seat for her to sit on, but they do have a booster seat for the rare occasion that a kid on a call needs to ride back with them, and Buck figures it’s better than nothing.
Getting her seated, Buck gets her strapped in, making sure the seatbelt isn’t positioned badly. He then buckles himself in just before the rest of the crew joins him. “Eddie, you wen’ up! I saw!” Marina says, pointing upwards, talking about seeing him on the aerial ladder.
“I did indeed go up,” Eddie confirms with a chuckle. “I saw you learned how to turn on the sirens in the ambulance.” Buck’s cheeks burn red with embarrassment at that, but Marina just nods proudly.
“It loud,” she mutters.
“And only cool people get to turn that on,” Chimney chimes in. “Which means that you’re now part of the cool club.” Marina giggles in response.
Marina keeps them all entertained throughout the drive, but soon enough they’re pulling into the station. Getting out, Buck helps Marina down as Bobby approaches him.
“I’ll be waiting in my office.”
Buck sighs, dreading this talk an indescribable amount. Then Eddie comes up to him. “Go. I’ll watch her,” he offers. Then, turning to Marina, he says, “Yeah, you wanna come hang out with me? We can find some yummy snacks.” She nods, and takes Eddie’s hand.
Knowing Marina is safe with Eddie, Buck makes his way to Bobby’s office. He still knocks, despite Bobby knowing he’s coming.
“Come in, Buck.”
Buck does, then takes a seat across the desk from Bobby after closing the door behind him. He’s anxiously chewing on his bottom lip as he awaits the punishment he’s about to receive.
“Look, I’ll take whatever punishment you give me, but I would do the same thing in that scenario every time,” Buck starts. “I couldn’t just stand back and wait.”
Bobby hums, and keeps his face neutral. “I take it that girl is your daughter?”
Buck nods in affirmation. “Yeah, she is.”
“I could tell you that what you did was reckless and dangerous, but I have a feeling you already know that this time,” Bobby assumes. “I understand why you did what you did, trust me I do, and that’s why I’m not going to write you up, or ‘punish’ you.” Buck lets out a sigh of relief. “But if you were to pull that shit off in any other scenario, you’d be fired on the spot, understood?”
“Understood, Cap.”
“Good. Now I’m sending you home for the rest of the shift, so you can be with your little girl. And if you can’t find substitute childcare before your next shift let me know, and I’ll call in a replacement for you then too.”
“Thank you, Bobby,” Buck appreciates. “I’ll keep you updated.”
Bobby nods, and Buck moves to stand up, assuming the conversation is over. Though, as he’s reaching the handle Bobby stops him with a hand on his shoulder.
“I just wanted to say that I’m proud of you,” Bobby admits. “I don’t know the situation, but I can tell that you’ve stepped up to be the father that your kid deserves, and I am proud of you for that.”
The urge to pull Bobby into a hug was too strong, so Buck gave in, but Bobby easily reciprocated the hug. He then waited for Buck to pull back before letting go himself, which Buck appreciated.
“I should probably tell you,” Buck starts. “When I ran out on shift, it was because the daycare called because Marina was sick. I clearly don’t always react with a clear head when it comes to her. I-I sort of just run to her and hope she’s okay.”
“And that’s what you should do, Buck,” Bobby assures. “But just tell me beforehand before you run away again, so I know what’s going on.”
“Will do.”
“I’ll let you go now, but come see me at the start of your next shift, okay?” Bobby requests, and Buck nods before stepping out of the office.
Walking over to where everyone else is situated, Buck is immediately greeted by Chimney approaching him. “Is this the secret you and Maddie have been keeping from me? That you have a kid apparently?”
Buck nods with a slight chuckle. “Yup. Wasn’t ready to tell Bobby, but now everyone knows, so you don’t have to worry about keeping it to yourself.”
“And for that, I am grateful.” Chimney pats him on the back before making his way to Marina. “Now come give your uncle Chimney a hug before your dad steals you from us.” Marina does as requested and Buck rolls his eyes.
“You know you’re not technically her uncle right?”
“I’m dating your sister, so close enough,” Chimney figures, shrugging.
“Okay, sure, why not,” Buck gives in. “Marnie, go say bye to Eddie so that we can go home, okay?”
After Marina gives Eddie a goodbye hug and waves goodbye to everyone, the two of them make their way to Buck’s jeep so that they can go relax at home after such a stressful day. A day he’d like to never think about again. It was terrifying, but he’s glad that everything and everyone is okay.
He’s not exactly looking forward to another conversation with Bobby about this though. However, given his reaction just then, maybe it’ll go just fine. He hopes so anyways.
Notes:
tbh i was on the fence about whether or not i should write chris using a wheelchair at the zoo, because that's a lot of walking which would probably be difficult with his cp. the show, however, does not ever mention or show him using one so i opted out, despite how gavin himself sometimes does. also i sort of forgot to make the zoo trip all halloween-y but whatever, that wasn't the main priority.
and finally everyone now knows about marina. except buck's parents i guess, but that doesn't happen for a while because i kept putting it off cuz i hate his parents and didn't want to write them...
originally my idea for bobby finding out was going to just be that buck did something outside of work that made bobby realise he should let buck back to full active duty like what happened in the show and buck would tell him while at breakfast with him after a shift. this seemed more interesting tho so i changed my mind.
i am moving next week so there is a slight chance that the next chapter could be a day or two late, but i hope not. it's already written obviously, but i do have to go through and edit it. also when i post this i'll be in seattle so hopefully i managed to get this chapter up on time...
hope y'all are still liking this. let me know your thoughts, and leave kudos if you want, i'd appreciate it lots :P
Chapter 11
Summary:
Buck and Eddie take the kids out trick or treating
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Currently, Buck and Marina are waiting to be called in so that Marina can finally see a psychologist. Between her mother’s death, the nightmares, and the fire at her daycare, Buck couldn’t put it off any longer, and made sure she could be seen as soon as possible.
So far, the fire seems to not be bothering her. She hasn’t seemed any different since, nor has she seemed afraid because of the events that took place.
In fact, anytime she talks about that day, she’s just mentioning getting to ride in the firetruck or watching the firefighters put out the fire. Mostly about Eddie putting out the fire from the ladder. She seems fascinated by that. And sometimes Buck finds himself explaining that she can’t go back to that daycare because it’s no longer there when she asks when she’s going back.
So he doesn’t think that traumatised her. But he just wants to be sure.
It did affect him though, that’s for sure, because now Buck is the one having nightmares. Since the fire a few days ago, he’s had the same dream that startled him awake for most of those days. One where the ending to the story of the fire ended quite differently, quite horribly.
Turns out almost losing your kid really does a number on a person.
There’s a part of him that wants to talk to Eddie about it, because as horrible as it is, he does know what that’s like. However, he doesn’t want to bring up the tsunami to him, because it's not something he likes talking about. That day wasn’t exactly the fun filled day he planned for. Also, Buck doesn’t really want to remind Eddie about what he almost lost because of him.
But this constant feeling of dread telling him that he can’t always keep his daughter safe from the world is drowning him a little bit.
“Buckley,” someone calls out into the room, catching Buck’s attention. Standing up, he gets Marina up too. “Follow me,” she says with a smile, and Buck takes Marina’s hand as he follows the woman Buck recognizes as the psychologist he chose for Marina into a room.
It’s a bright room filled with plenty of toys and activities for kids. Marina seems excited about that, eyeing the toys with an excited glint in her eyes. When they make their way inside, both Buck and Marina sit down in the chairs provided.
“You must be Marina,” she greets, voice kind and welcoming. Marina nods, glancing between her and the toys. “I’m Dr. Winston, but most of my patients call me Winnie.” She’s speaking to Marina still. “Would you like to colour while we talk?”
With Marina nodding at that, Dr. Winston gets up to grab some crayons and a colouring book. She then sets them in front of her, telling her that she can draw whatever she wants.
After explaining to Marina that they’re stepping outside for a second, Buck and Dr. Winston step into the hallway to talk away from Marina’s ears.
“Have there been any new concerns since we last spoke?” She asks, and Buck shakes his head.
“No, I think everything we talked about covers my main concerns. I think the rest is just her being a toddler,” Buck explains. They had about an hour long chat over the phone when Buck was booking the appointment to discuss why he’s bringing Marina in.
“Well, if that’s the case, then I’ll see what information I can get out of her today. Like I told you over the phone, it’s harder to really get into the minds of children, especially if they’re less vocal, like you say she is, so don’t worry about it if today is nothing more than just getting familiar with each other,” she reminds.
With that, Buck goes and waits in the waiting room until he’s told to come back. He was told that the way she liked to do the appointments was to spend thirty minutes with the child on their own, then bring the parent in to talk to both together for the rest of the hour. Apparently, that’s what she finds the most effective, and she’s the professional, so Buck assumes she knows what she’s talking about.
While he waits, the first thing he does is go and get himself a coffee. They were running behind this morning for the appointment, so he didn’t get a chance to stop for one earlier. And he needs one, that’s for sure.
Between Marina waking up from another nightmare last night, her first one in about a week, and his own that he had after getting her back to sleep and drifting off himself, he didn’t get much rest. Thankfully, Marina does seem to be having less and less nightmares as the weeks go on. It’s mostly dwindled down to once a week now. She is also slowly starting to talk more and more, so that’s good at least. She seems much more comfortable with him.
That doesn’t mean he’s not worried though.
Eddie tells him that worrying is just because he’s a dad now, and any bad things when it comes to his daughter is going to feel a hundred times worse than they actually are. Apparently Eddie worries about Chris just as much. Buck knew that to a degree, but since finding out about Marina, Eddie is even more open about parenting struggles than he was before. Buck appreciates it a lot. It makes him feel less alone in this and in his thoughts. It’s nice to know that he isn’t the only one feeling like he’s constantly screwing up everything when it comes to her.
Once he’s got his coffee, he brings it back to the seating area. There’s still some time before he’ll be getting called back in, so he uses the time to keep looking into new childcare options.
So far, he’s been out of luck in that department. There’s not too many places that accommodate the twenty-four hour shift schedule he has at work, and the ones that do are either full up, or so far out of his way.
Which means he’s been looking into other options, like maybe a nanny for nights, and daycare during the day, like he originally wanted. Now that he has his job back, he thinks he can afford it. It’s just finding someone he trusts with his daughter that’s difficult.
But he has to figure something out, because he already had to take yesterday off from work because there was nobody to watch Marina. Thankfully tomorrow Maddie is able to watch her until Karen can pick her up and watch her for the night while both Maddie and him work, so he can actually make his shift.
He feels bad relying so heavily on other people like this, but they’ve been insisting that they’re happy to do so. Still, it’s a temporary fix at best.
After a little while, Dr. Winston comes out to call him back into the room, and Buck follows her back inside. He sits down next to Marina.
“Daddy, look!” She passes him the drawing she’s been working on.
It’s got four stick figures on it with some… he’s going to assume animals as well off to the sides of the page.
“Woah! This is so awesome, Marina,” he beams, giving her a proud smile.
“It us at da zoo,” she explains, and Buck hums in understanding. It was animals, he confirms.
“Yeah? With Chris and Eddie?” Buck asks, she nods. “It was pretty fun wasn’t it?” Another nod, more enthusiastic.
“Who’s Chris and Eddie?” Dr. Winston prods, and Buck explains that they’re his best friend and his kid. “I see. So you four are close then?”
“Sort of,” Buck replies. “Eddie and I hadn’t talked for a while because of a work thing…” He keeps it vague because he doesn’t think it’s important. “So Marina just met them for the first time when we went to the zoo, but it’s clear she already looks up to Chris. She follows him everywhere when they’re together.” Buck turns to Marina, giving her a fond smile as he speaks. “Eddie and I are taking them trick-or-treating together.”
“That sounds like fun,” she says. “What are you dressing up as, Marina?”
Marina looks over to Buck before answering. “Sharky.”
“She, uh, loves sharks,” Buck informs. “Anything ocean or water related really.”
Giving Buck a warm smile, Dr. Winston says, “Oh, I can tell. She drew a couple other pictures before that one.” Reaching for the drawings, she shows them to Buck. Yup, more aquatic creatures.
They continue talking about random things, and Buck assumes it’s to get more familiar with Marina and her life. Buck does most of the talking, but every once in a while Marina will chime in with something herself as she continues doodling.
As the session is coming to an end, Dr. Winston pulls Buck back into the hallway to discuss things without Marina hearing.
“I know me saying this won’t do much, but I think you can stop worrying so much,” she suggests. “You’re doing a great job with her.”
Watching Marina through the window into the room, Buck gives Dr. Winston a hesitant look, like he isn’t sure if he believes her or not.
“When you walked back into that room, it was like she was a whole new person. She was less closed off, talked more, and even her posture as she was drawing changed,” she starts. “To her, you’re like a safety bubble. When you’re around, she feels safe and secure, and that much is obvious. And when you let someone into your bubble, she starts to feel safe with them too. She trusts you a lot.”
That actually feels really nice to hear. He could tell she was becoming more and more comfortable with him, but having a professional point out just how much makes him feel better about it all.
“And what about the, uh, nightmares?” Buck prompts.
“If I had to spare a guess right now with what I got today, I’d say it has something to do with her mom’s passing. Was she in the crash with her?” She asks, and for the first time, Buck wonders the details of the accident. He never really thought too much about it. Was Marina in the car? Did she see her mother die, and that’s why she’s been having bad dreams?
“I really hope not,” Buck offers, because the truth is, he doesn’t know.
“Has she had any issues with being inside your car?”
Buck shakes his head. “No. None at all.”
“That’s good either way. It could also very well just be because she’s young and doesn’t entirely understand why she can’t see her mom anymore, or why she was taken to a new city to live with someone she had never met before. It’s a lot of change for someone who can’t entirely grasp why the change is happening,” she explains, and Buck takes in the information.
“How can I help?” That’s the main question really. All he wants to do is help her in any and every way he can.
“Just keep doing what you’re doing,” she replies. “You said they’re already becoming less frequent?” Buck nods. “Good. Just keep being there for her. That’s all you need to do.”
“And what about the fire?”
Dr. Winston smiles at the question, and Buck isn’t entirely sure why until she explains it. “When I asked her if she felt scared during the fire, she just said that she was sad when she couldn’t find her ‘sharky’. Then she told me you showed her some really cool stuff, so I think she almost remembers that day fondly because of you. I don’t think there’s any trauma there.”
Buck sighs a breath of relief at that. The last thing he wants is more negative things for his daughter to have to deal with. “That– That’s, uh, a relief.”
“I’m sure it is.”
Buck asks a few more questions before he goes and grabs Marina to take her home, making sure to bring all of her drawings with him. The one of them at the zoo is definitely going up on the fridge as soon as they get home.
—
Walking up to Bobby’s office, Buck knocks on his door, and when Bobby tells him to come in, Buck steps in. He’s feeling a little anxious about how this conversation is potentially going to go. Especially because he’s not too sure which direction it’s actually heading in.
“Buck, hello,” Bobby greets, giving him a smile. It’s nice to be on the receiving end of Bobby’s smile again. “Take a seat.”
“You, uh– You told me to come see you before my next shift?” Buck half asks, half reminds.
Bobby nods. “I did, yeah. I wanted to talk to you. First, did you figure out childcare yet?”
“No, uh, I’m still working on that,” Buck confesses sheepishly. “Maddie’s got the day shift, and Karen offered to watch her overnight for me. I’ll figure it out soon though, I promise. I swear I’m looking it’s just that–”
“Buck,” Bobby interjects to stop his rambling. “No rush. If you need to be switched to half shifts until you get that sorted, we can work that out.”
“Oh, uh, yeah, that might be nice,” Buck accepts the offer.
“Starting next shift,” Bobby agrees. “Now, what I wanted to talk to you about is… Well, I wanted to apologise for holding you back from coming back to full duty at work.”
That was not what Buck was expecting to come from this conversation. He appreciates it though.
“Uh… Thank you, Bobby.”
“Watching you run into that fire for your daughter made me realize something,” Bobby admits. “I was too busy treating you like you were my kid that I was afraid to lose, and not as your Captain.” To Buck, hearing Bobby say that he views him like he’s his own kid starts to fill that hole in him that’s there from the emotionally absent dad he grew up having. “I was already hesitant to let you back before the embolism, but then that happened, and I just– I was so caught up in my worries about you that I didn’t think about what was actually best for you. Even if I’m not ready to let you back out there, it’s clear you are ready.”
“Wait, are you saying…?”
With a nod, Bobby confirms, “I’m letting you back. For real.”
Giving Bobby a big grin, Buck stands up and walks around the room to hug Bobby, because he’s so happy right now.
“I really am sorry, kid, for how things went down. Probably not the best decision making on either side, but I’m hoping we both learn from this and work out solutions together rather than fight against each other from now on,” Bobby continues. “From now on, I’ll do my best to treat you like I’m your captain at work when needed, and to treat you fairly. It wasn’t fair of me to stop you from coming back, and it took some time, but I realise that now.”
Smiling, Buck says, “Thank you, Bobby. That’s all I really ask. Maybe after shift, we could go grab breakfast, catch up?” Buck suggests.
“I’d like that,” Bobby agrees.
After that, Buck helps Bobby make breakfast for everyone, and when the alarm goes off, for the first time in a long time, Buck knows he has to rush to get into his gear. He’s finally going out on calls again, and this time it’s not just because they’re short a person. He’s really finally a firefighter again.
—
Opening up his front door, Buck is greeted by a smiling Chris, and Eddie, who is carrying way too many things at once.
“Do you need a hand?” Buck offers with a chuckle, already reaching out to grab a couple things from him.
“Thanks, Buck,” Eddie appreciates, stepping inside.
Buck pulls Chris in for a hug. “You excited to go trick-or-treating later?”
Chris nods against him before pulling away. “Yeah. It’s going to be awesome.” Turning to his dad, Chris asks, “Dad, can we drive to one of those rich neighbourhoods where they give out full chocolate bars instead of the small ones?”
“What?! No!” Eddie quickly turns down. “Where’d you even get that idea?”
“That’s what my friends are doing,” Chris says with a shrug. “Where’s Marina?”
“She’s taking a nap, but she should be up soon,” Buck explains, putting down the costumes he had in his hand that he grabbed from Eddie onto the coffee table. “Have you guys had lunch yet?”
Shaking his head, Eddie explains that he was thinking they could just order a pizza. Buck agrees to that, making sure to tell Eddie that pepperoni is Marina’s favorite. In the end they order one pepperoni and one barbeque chicken.
Then pretty much as soon as the order was made, Marina toddles into the living room, rubbing sleep out of her eyes.
“Hi, Marina!” Chris greets as soon as he spots her. She perks up at the sound of his voice. Rushing over to him, she climbs onto the couch next to him and hugs him. Chris wraps his arms around her reciprocally.
“Hi, princesita,” Eddie greets, ruffling her hair from where he stands behind the couch. She looks up at him and smiles. “We ordered some pizza for lunch, doesn’t that sound yummy?”
“Peponi?” She asks, giving Eddie hopeful eyes.
With a smile, Eddie says, “Of course.”
While they wait for pizza to arrive, Chris updates Buck and Marina on what’s been going on the past few days. Apparently Katy S. from his class is no longer friends with Mathew B. because he didn’t invite her to his birthday because he didn’t want any girls there, and Chris said he wasn’t going to Mathew’s birthday if she wasn’t allowed to join. So Chris is also no longer friends with Mathew B. apparently.
It’s all silly elementary school drama, but Chris tells it like it’s all incredibly important. Buck finds that endearing, so he listens along and chimes in on occasion like he agrees with everything Chris is saying.
Marina is still tucked up against Chris as he talks, and Buck didn’t say anything, but he definitely caught Eddie snapping a picture of them on the couch together. He’s going to have to ask him to send him that later.
—
It’s almost a good time to start heading out, so they start getting ready.
“It might be a little chilly, so I want you to wear something warmer underneath, okay?” Buck tells Marina. It’s supposed to be surprisingly warm for the end of October, but still not warm enough that Buck wants Marina going out not wearing the appropriate layers.
Marina doesn’t seem to be on the same page. She pouts, shaking her head firmly.
“Marina, I don’t want you to be cold. This isn’t up for debate. You won’t even be able to see it under your costume,” Buck points out. Still, she refuses. “Chris is going to be wearing a jacket too.”
At that, she huffs out, “Okay.”
Whatever works to get her to agree, he supposes.
Once he has her in a long sleeve and a jacket, he takes her to go to the bathroom before he puts the rest of the costume on, not wanting to have to deal with helping her later with it already on. Hopefully she’ll be able to last until they’re done and back home.
After helping her wash her hands, Buck assists her into her shark costume. When it’s on, he guides her to a mirror to show her what she looks like.
The smile when she sees herself in the costume is infectious.
“You’re the cutest little shark there ever was,” Buck says, adjusting the hood of her costume slightly. “How about we go show Eddie and Chris, hmm?”
She doesn’t hesitate to run out of the room to go and find the other two. They find them in the guest room, Eddie helping Chris apply some fake blood around his fake fangs.
Eddie spots them first, stopping his task to smile at Marina.
“Wow, you look so cool, Marnie!” Eddie tells her.
Chris then turns around to see her in her costume, giving her a smile. “Looks awesome!” That gets a big grin from Marina. “What do you think of mine?”
“I like it!” She cheers.
“You two both look great,” Buck chimes in. “You’ll get lots of candy, I know it.”
“We’re almost done in here,” Eddie supplies. “Then we can head out. Like five-ish minutes?”
After Buck chimes in with sounds great, he leaves Marina in the room with the other two to get a bowl set up outside in case anyone wants to come to their house for candy while they are out. Then he makes his way to his room to throw on his own costume.
Before they make their way out, Eddie and Buck make sure to get as many photos as they can of the two of them.
“Chris, now go stand next to Marina so we can get some photos of you guys together,” Eddie instructs, and Chris does as he’s told. Buck can tell he’s eager for this part to be over so he can get to the getting candy portion of the night.
After a few more photos, Eddie says, “Now–”
With a groan, Chris cuts him off. “Dad, we have enough.”
“Oh, c’mon, Chris. You’ll love looking back at these photos when you’re older,” Buck attempts to entice him into getting just a few more, as Eddie put it . Chris groans again, but agrees to one more photo.
When they finally step out of the house, they’ve already had a couple kids stop by to get candy, he notices, with the bowl already missing a few, so Buck knows it’s a good time to start.
Realistically, he doesn’t think they’ll be out for too long because he isn’t sure how far Chris, with his crutches, or hates to walk for more than a few minutes at a time Marina will be able to go for. So they’ll probably hit as many houses as they can before they head back home to watch a Halloween movie together. Marina will be out like a light by the end of the movie, he’s sure, but it’ll be nice to enjoy Halloween together like this.
Buck and Eddie let them go up the first house on their own as they watched from the sidewalk. They hear their shouts of trick or treat as the person in the house opens the door. Watching, they see an older woman with a smile give them some candy, then after Chris says something neither of them could hear, they see her chuckle before giving them some extra candy.
Maybe Chris really did have a trick after all?
It’s only three houses before Marina asks to be carried from house to house. Eddie doesn’t hesitate to pick her up and start bringing her up to each house as she leans her head on his shoulder. Buck is in love with the sight of it.
After a little bit, they switch so Buck is carrying Marina up to the houses as Eddie watches them with a smile from a few feet away.
They get plenty of comments about being an adorable family, and it has butterflies swarming in his stomach and warmth trickling in his heart. He thinks that maybe in their own way, they kind of are like a little family. Or at least Buck would like them to be. That sounds nice to him. Right, even.
Nothing wrong with raising kids together with your best friend. There’s no rules about it. So why not?
There’s no way he’s bringing it up to Eddie though, because he doesn’t want to scare him off. It’s not like mentioning it would change anything anyways. They are already doing family things together, so maybe this is enough.
Buck’s prediction that they wouldn’t be out long was correct, but them all cozy on the couch together as they watch a non-scary Halloween movie, because they are not interested in traumatising Marina for her first Halloween with them, is a great way to end the day.
—
Waking up with a startle, Buck glances around, taking in his surroundings. He’s at home, in his bed. Not wading through tsunami waters trying to find both Chris and Marina like his asleep brain tried tricking him into thinking he was.
“Well, that’s a new one,” Buck annoyedly mumbles to himself, sitting up.
While he’s already awake, he figures he could really go for a glass of water as he tries to calm his racing heart. So he walks over to the kitchen, taking a peek into Marina’s room to make sure she’s alright before doing the same to Chris.
Grabbing a glass, Buck fills it with water before moving to bring it back to his room, but as he does so, he stubs his toe on the kitchen island, causing him to drop the glass onto the counter. It breaks into three pieces as water goes everywhere.
“Shit,” he mutters in both frustration and panic.
Then he hears Eddie call out, “Buck?” as he steps into the kitchen. His voice is raspy with sleep, and Buck’s brain supplies him with that’s hot. That makes Buck shake his head to rid that thought from his brain, because where the fuck did that come from?
“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” Buck whispers in apology, carefully picking up the glass pieces to dispose of them.
Shaking his head, Eddie brushes it off, picking up a towel to help Buck clean. “No, it’s fine. Why are you awake though?”
“I, uh– I keep having these… nightmares,” Buck confesses.
“Like father like daughter,” Eddie says, wringing the now soaking wet towel over the sink. Buck turns to him to give him a scolding expression, but he can only hold it for a moment before he’s chuckling. “What are they about?”
“They started after the fire,” Buck admits. “It’s sort of like ‘ what if?’ scenarios. Like, what if she was still inside and I couldn't get to her in time? What if I got her out, but the smoke inhalation was too bad? Or what if it wasn’t just Chris I was searching for in the tsunami?”
Buck hears a sharp intake of breath at that last one.
In the dark of the kitchen, lit by nothing but moonlight, Eddie forces Buck to make eye contact with him. That means he’s really trying to drill in his point, Buck has learned. “Buck, for those few moments when I thought Chris might’ve gone with the tsunami, you want to know what I was thinking?”
Buck nods. He always wants to know what Eddie thinks.
“I was thinking two things. The first being, please let Chris be okay, wherever he is, just let him be okay. The second…” Eddie takes a deep breath before admitting something that Buck knows must have been hard to voice out loud. “If Chris is gone, I’m going too. That’s what I told myself.”
“Eddie–” Buck starts, sounding heartbroken at the confession, but Eddie holds his hand out to stop him, and Buck understands that he wants to finish his point, so he lets him.
“So trust me, I get that fear. I do,” he states firmly. “But you can’t just live in that fear, Buck. You just have to trust that when things do go wrong, that enough goes right that it’s okay in the end. ‘Cause if you don’t, it’ll keep eating away at you.”
Tearing up, Buck confesses, “I’m just so scared of losing her.”
“I know. I’m terrified of losing Chris, and now also Marina, too. Losing Shannon in a freak accident, then having my son be in a tsunami was a real wake up call that I can’t control what happens in life. Which I hate, so much. But it’s true. So I just have to focus on doing what I can to protect them instead of focusing on the out of my control parts of it. Trust me, I didn’t handle it well at first either. I’m still working on it, honestly.”
“How were you handling it?” Buck prods, curious.
“Illegal street fighting,” Eddie confesses, shocking the fuck out of Buck. “It wasn’t just the tsunami though, it was everything all together that led me to that… But yeah, I was fighting people for money because I was falling apart. I don’t want to see you fall apart.”
“So that’s where all the bruises came from?” He didn’t even mean to voice that out loud, but Buck does suppose it’s a fair thing to point out.
Eddie nods.
“Please find a better outlet to figure out how to deal with all of this,” Eddie requests, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Might I suggest therapy. It’s helpful. Figured that one out after Bobby made me see one when he found out.”
This is a lot of new information to receive at three o’clock in the morning. But Buck is glad for the talk and the answers to some questions he’s been dying to know for some time now.
After hearing the story of how Eddie got into all of that, the street fighting mainly, and how Bobby subsequently found out, Buck says he’ll think about giving therapy a try. Eddie approves of his answer, then tells him to go back to sleep because he wants to do that himself.
—
“Chris, at least eat breakfast before you start digging into your candy,” Buck scolds, whispering, because he can see Eddie still asleep on the couch.
He woke up early because he really had to piss, and when he went to check up on his daughter he could hear rustling coming from the living room. That’s where he found Chris trying to get into his candy bag.
Chris gives him pleading puppy-dog eyes, and Buck gives in. “Okay… Just one though. Then wait for breakfast.”
It took only about half of the movie last night before both Marina and Chris were fast asleep. So Eddie decided it would be easier to just carry Chris to the guest room, instead of driving him home. Buck made sure to remind Eddie that the two of them are welcome to stay over whenever they want, even without reason.
For the briefest of moments, Buck considers making pancakes for breakfast, but given that the kids are probably going to be having too many sweets already today, he opts out of that. Instead he goes with eggs and toast along with some bacon.
The smell of the bacon must be wafting into the living room, because Eddie walks in with curious eyes, seeing what he’s making.
“Mornin’”
“Morning, Buck,” Eddie greets in response, rubbing a hand down his face to wipe the sleep off of it.
“I, uh, let Chris have one piece of candy. Hope that’s alright?” Buck wonders, seeing Eddie quirk up an eyebrow at that.
“Hmm,” Eddie hums. “Chris asked me if it was okay to have just one candy before breakfast when I woke up. I said yes.”
Buck lets out a laugh at that. “So he conned us into letting him have two candies then?”
“I’m no detective, but I think we just got bested by an eight year old,” Eddie notes, a smirk on his face as he reaches to steal an already cooked piece of bacon. Buck smacks his hand away, earning a glare from Eddie, but Buck just glares back as he continues working on the eggs.
“Wait until it’s ready, Eddie,” Buck scolds, then tilts his head as he realizes something. “That rhymes. What’s it called again when it sounds like it rhymes but isn’t a proper rhyme again?” It’s pretty easy for his brain to latch onto something and jump into curiosity about other factors of it.
Shrugging, Eddie admits, “No idea, Buck.”
Getting side tracked, Buck temporarily forgets that he’s cooking and pulls out his phone to search it up. Eddie notices, however, and moves to put the eggs onto a plate before they start to burn as Buck is engrossed in his google search.
“Slant rhymes,” Buck announces.
“Give me an example,” Eddie asks, encouraging Buck’s curiosity and research like he usually does, showing that he cares about what Buck cares about. It’s a nice change of pace when most people seem put off when he goes on and on about random topics.
Given the go ahead, Buck dives into talking about it, giving Eddie examples, then explaining the difference between a perfect rhyme and a slant rhyme, and at some point he just ends up talking about the history of poetry.
Eddie just listened intently as he finished plating the food for the four of them, then bringing it to the kitchen table.
When Buck is done rambling, Eddie calls Chris over and Buck makes his way to get Marina up for breakfast.
There’s no reason for Eddie and Chris to stay over after breakfast, other than they want to, and they do, so they did. Neither Buck nor Eddie really feel like going out today, so they spend the day at home. Marina keeps Chris pretty busy for the most part, but Chris didn’t really seem to mind much. In fact, he seemed excited to get to teach her how to play Mario Kart now that Buck has a gaming console all set up for Chris in his living room, even if she was awful at it. Buck is pretty sure she was going backwards down the track most of the time.
She was happy though, and that’s all that matters.
And when Marina wanted Chris to draw with her, he was more than happy to take a seat next to her and share a pack of crayons. It was sweet, watching how patient he is with her.
Buck and Eddie on the other hand, while their kids were making the most out of their day off, they used their children being occupied to their advantage. Which consisted mostly of Eddie helping Buck with the childcare situation.
In the end, Eddie helped Buck get Marina onto a waitlist for a spot at a twenty-four hour daycare. In the meantime though, he was able to get Marina into a daycare nearby the firehouse. It’ll work out just fine with the half shifts he’ll be doing for now, so at least that’s one big stressor sort of dealt with.
Eddie did suggest that he ask Carla if she’d be willing to watch both of the kids at Buck’s place during nights when they both work. Buck shut that down though, because that’s just not in her job description. He’d feel bad asking her to do that for him. Even if she’d probably agree to it.
Eventually he’ll figure the rest out. Hopefully.
Notes:
i am beyond exhausted. i never want to move again in my life. also i had to sleep on hardwood floor for two nights in a row so my body hates me so much rn...
on a fic related topic, tbh idk what happens in this chapter. i edited it like two days ago but i already forgot lol. i do know that next chapter is the one and only chapter that i've written that's from eddie's pov instead of buck so there's that to look forward to. mostly i just wanted to write eddie and marina interactions so that's why that exists
i should definitely be able to post on time on friday next week no problem so see y'all then!
Chapter 12
Summary:
Eddie steps in to watch Marina as Buck picks up a shift to help out someone on B-shift
Notes:
We've got Eddie's POV in this chapter, so hopefully y'all like that.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Gathering their belongings inside the locker room, Eddie spots Benjamin from B-shift walk over to Buck. That gains his curiosity, so he stops what he’s doing to not so subtly eavesdrop on their conversation. It’s not often that someone from a different shift does more than a greeting in passing.
“Hey, Buck, heard you weren’t being let out on calls still, and was wondering… or maybe hoping that you’d be willing to switch shifts with me?” Benjamin asks. He’s got a strong southern accent. He’s mentioned where he’s from before, but Eddie can’t quite recall. Which means it’s safe to say not Texas, because he’d remember a fellow Texan. “I’m sure our captain will let you out for the day,” he tacks on for leverage.
“Oh, uh… Cap and I are cool now, we– I’m allowed back on calls finally,” Buck informs with a polite grin. “How come you need to swap?”
“My son has his first dance recital, and I really want to make it,” he explains, and Eddie already knows that Buck is going to cave. He’s a sucker for helping out, but especially if it means letting a parent be there for their child.
So, to make things easier for Buck, Eddie offers, “I can watch Marina for you, Buck, while you cover.”
“Really?” Buck sounds surprised, and Eddie is almost offended by that. Of course he’d do that. Is Buck really that oblivious? When Eddie explains that yes, he would love to in fact, Buck agrees to swap with Benjamin. “Which shift did you need covered?”
“Thursday.”
“Guess I’m working Thursday then,” Buck says with a smile. “Enjoy the recital.”
“Thanks, man. I wasn’t exactly the most supportive when my son first told me he wanted to do ballet, so I wanna show him that I do now. I love him, ballerina and all,” Benjamin tells them with a proud grin on his face, and that brings a feeling of longing to Eddie.
He never did ballet, but he does know what it’s like to have a dad be unsupportive of your hobbies and interests. Except his dad never came around, instead Eddie still feels like he has to hide things like that from people because of his father’s reactions. He’s glad to hear that Benjamin got himself pulled together pretty quick and is adamant about showing his son support.
Really, he just wishes his dad would have done the same for him.
“I’m sure your son will appreciate that more than you know,” Eddie chimes in.
Then the alarm is blaring and Benjamin has to race off to join his team.
—
“Buck, I have a kid of my own, you know?” Eddie reminds, because Buck is listing off things that they could spend the day doing, and he’s gone over where he keeps anything Eddie might need in case of an emergency. “Go before you’ll be late. We’ll stay somewhere inland if that makes you feel better. So stop worrying.”
Buck glares at Eddie for that comment.
“I’m not worried– I trust you with my child more than I trust myself, to be honest,” Buck confesses, looking around for his keys. That is definitely a strong choice of words, and Eddie feels honoured, but he also thinks that Buck is being a tad ridiculous.
“On the kitchen counter,” Eddie supplies, because he remembers Buck saying that if he leaves them there then he’ll remember where they are when he’s making breakfast so it’ll be fresh on his mind. Clearly it didn't work.
“Thanks.” He walks towards the kitchen to grab the keys. Then when he comes back he says, “See you tomorrow morning. Remember to–”
Eddie doesn’t even say anything else, he just gives Buck a look and shoves him out the door.
The two of them decided it would be easier for Eddie to watch the kids at Buck’s place than to have Marina stay over at Eddie’s. So Eddie spent another night on Buck’s couch, and Chris in the spare room that’s sort of just becoming his own at this point. Buck even told Eddie that since his landlord said no to him painting something on his wall, that he could do that for Chris here. Maybe he’ll take him up on that.
It’s too early for either of the kids to be awake yet, because Buck wanted to be early for his shift to make a good impression on the captain of B-shift, so Eddie figures he’ll take this time to catch a couple more hours of sleep before he has to get Chris up for school.
And when he wakes up to an alarm blaring from his phone that’s resting on the coffee table, he wishes he didn’t have to get up. He’s pretty good at functioning in the morning, because it’s been a part of his work for so long between the military and firefighting, but he’s not exactly what you’d call a morning person.
Trudging his way to sort-of Chris’ room, Eddie yawns before knocking on his door. When no response comes, he opens it, seeing Chris sleeping inside. Gently shaking his shoulder, Eddie wakes Chris up.
“Morning, mijo. Time to get ready for school,” he says, voice soft. “I’m going to go wake up Marina while you get dressed. Cereal alright for breakfast?”
“Does Buck have fruit loops?” Chris inquires, and when Eddie tells him he does, he says, “Sounds good to me.”
Giving Chris a nod, Eddie makes his way over to Marina’s room. He takes a seat down next to her on her bed. He does the same where he gently shakes her shoulder to wake her.
Stirring awake, Marina blinks her eyes open, looking surprised to see Eddie and not her dad.
“Where Daddy?”
“He’s at work, princesita. The two of us are going to hang out today. How does that sound?” Eddie tells her, using his thumb to wipe the drool off her face.
Marina doesn’t reply to that, just nods. “I need potty,” she tells him, and Eddie picks her up to bring her to the bathroom.
After helping her with that and brushing her teeth, Eddie guides her to the kitchen so he can throw together bowls of cereal for each of them. That’s when Chris comes out of his room.
“Go brush your teeth,” Eddie instructs, knowing that he hasn’t yet. Chris grumbles in complaint, but does as he’s told. Turning to Marina, he asks. “Fruit loops or Cheerios?” She points to the cheerios.
Walking back into the room, Chris asks, “Can I pick the song this morning?”
Eddie gives him a questioning, confused look before he remembers. “Right. Yeah, of course you can.” He passes Chris his phone so he can put something on.
Buck told them that Marina and her mom had a tradition to start each morning with a song and dance, and that he continued it when Marina came into his care. Chris and him even joined in on Halloween morning, but it slipped his mind today, mostly because he’s still waking up. He’d have remembered in a few minutes, he’s sure, because if it’s important to Marina, it’s important to him. It’s sweet that Chris remembered though, Eddie thinks.
With a song picked, Eddie turns up the volume a smidge as he watches Marina go into her own little world as she starts swaying along clumsily to the beat. Chris joins in shortly after, and Eddie just watches until Marina walks up to him and reaches out to hold his hand, forcing him to join in.
When the song ends, Marina grumbles, and Eddie thinks she wants to keep dancing, but unfortunately they do have somewhere to be, so he has to get food in them.
Pouring a bowl of Cheerios for Marina, he sets it in front of her, giving her a spoon. She digs in immediately, humming contentedly. He then pours a bowl of Fruit Loops for his son, putting it on the table for him. When he does, he sees Marina eye the bowl curiously before looking back at her own and frowning.
She pushes her bowl away, spilling some of it in the process.
“What’s wrong, Marnie? Do you not like it?” Eddie asks, confused, because a few seconds ago she seemed pretty happy with it.
“Wan’ dat.” She points to Chris’ bowl.
“You’d rather have the Fruit Loops?” He asks for confirmation. She nods. “Okay. I’ll eat your Cheerios, and pour you some of that.”
He should probably not be teaching her that she can change her mind about her food after it’s already in front of her, but it’s hard to say no to her, and it’s not like this is a difficult fix.
With a fresh bowl of Fruit Loops now in front of a happy Marina, Eddie adds some more Cheerios to his bowl and joins them at the table.
When they’re done eating breakfast, Eddie puts the dishes in the sink to deal with later when they get back home, and brings Marina to her room to get her dressed as Chris grabs his school bag.
—
“I noticed your dad didn’t have many groceries at home, so we’re going to run to the store for him, okay?” Eddie tells Marina, who nods from the back seat.
Pulling into a parking space, Eddie gets Marina out of the car and into a shopping cart seat. They make their way inside, and Eddie starts making his way through the isles, picking out items he thinks or knows Buck would like.
From time to time, Marina will point at something that catches her eye and Eddie can’t say no to her, so the cart fills up some more with her picks.
“Do you want strawberry jam or raspberry?” Eddie asks, holding up the two of them. Then he spots the grape and picks that up too. “Or how about grape?”
With Marina pointing at the raspberry one, Eddie places it in the cart with the rest of their items.
After the cart is full with a bunch of essentials and some of Buck and Marina’s favorites, Eddie makes his way to the front to go pay. The total is a bit much, but he really just wanted to help Buck out a little bit. He knows that he’s been struggling to pay off his credit card with all the expenses that come with having a kid and having been out of work for a bit.
To say he’s proud of Buck and how well he’s taken to becoming a dad overnight, would be an understatement. He knows first hand how difficult it is to raise a child on your own, so he’s amazed how well Buck is doing, all things considered.
At least he had the nine months most people have to prepare to be a dad, then those years in the army to wrap his head around it before he was really thrown into the thick of things. Buck had no choice but to step up out of the blue one day, and Eddie thinks he’s done a great job of it. Marina is clearly a very happy, content kid, who adores her dad a lot.
“Ready to go home?” Eddie asks, watching as Marina nods her head excitedly in response.
As Eddie puts the groceries away, Marina is keeping herself busy pretending that her stuffies are doing some sort of talent show. Currently the stingray is singing an off-key version of the theme song to a show that he’s seen her watch before. She’s adorable, Eddie thinks to himself. Enough so that he pauses what he was doing to take a video to send to Buck.
Buck’s response comes in quickly.
Buck
aww
i miss her
tell her i love her
and that i think the stingray is very talented
Eddie does as Buck requested, and Marina smiles happily before moving on to have her octopus stuffie do a dance.
Giving Marina a fond smile, Eddie goes back to finish putting away the groceries for Buck. He’s sure Buck will appreciate coming home to a full fridge.
“Are you going to perform?” Eddie asks. “Or is it just for the fishies?”
Marina’s face scrunches in though, before she settles on, “I can dance.”
“Well let me get a stage set up for you then,” Eddie offers, already starting to move the coffee table out of the way so she has space. When he’s done, he sits down on the couch. “Do you want me to put on some music?”
Marina nods, and he makes his way through a few songs before Marina seems satisfied with one of them.
“Can I film for your dad to see?” She nods eagerly at that. “Okay. Tell me when you’re ready so I can play the music.”
“Ready!” Marina cheers, standing a few feet in front of Eddie. He presses play on Marina’s song of choice before swapping over to the camera app, pressing record.
She pretty quickly starts moving around, tapping her foot, swaying her hips, or bouncing on the spot along to the music. She starts babbling incoherent words, clearly trying to sing along to a song she doesn’t know in the slightest.
Eddie makes sure to give her a proud smile the whole time, cheering her on. And when the song comes to an end, she raises her arms and smiles wide. Ending the recording, Eddie picks her up and says, “I think you just won the talent show, huh? You did so, so good!”
Marina leans her head against him, and giggles happily. Eddie gives her cheek a kiss before setting her down onto the couch.
Eddie sends the video to Buck. This time he doesn’t get an immediate response, and he assumes they’re out on a call now.
“I think we have time to go to the park before your nap,” Eddie suggests, seeing the excitement appear in Marina’s eyes. “Sound like fun?”
“Mhm,” Marina mumbles, already getting off of the couch and walking towards where her shoes were last left. She sits on the ground and tries putting them on. They are definitely on the wrong foot, and she clearly doesn’t know how to do them up, so Eddie steps over to her to help her out.
With her shoes on properly now, and a jacket too, they head out.
Buck told him that Marina most often beelines for the swings, and today was no different. She hurries over to them, staring at Eddie impatiently, wanting help getting up. Lifting her, he gets her into the seat, and when she asks him to push her, he does, making sure not to push her too high.
When another kid comes by, Eddie manages to convince Marina to move onto something else to let them have their turn. The mom gives him an appreciative smile.
They move over to the main playground structure, and Eddie watches as Marina climbs towards the slide. He stands by the bottom, waiting for her to make her way down. And when she does, she does so with an excited squeal.
Marina complains about being warm as she runs around, so Eddie takes her jacket off, holding onto it as she continues playing.
As Marina is making her way up again, she stops, watching as someone does the monkey bars, staring in amazement.
“Do you wanna try?” Eddie asks, walking closer to her, getting a quick head nod before Marina makes her way closer and tries to reach up to them, failing because of her height. So Eddie lifts her up, telling her to grab on. He makes sure that he still has a solid grip, because he’s sure that she could very well let go at any moment, and moves her closer to the next bar for her to grab.
That’s how it goes until Marina makes it to the other side, immediately letting go with a happy grin on her face once she gets to the end. Exactly why he wouldn’t let her hang on by herself just quite yet.
“You did so good, Marnie!” Eddie cheers, pulling her into a proud embrace.
Marina starts squirming, eager to move onto the next thing, so Eddie lets her down, intending to follow her wherever she wants to go. He watches as she starts running towards the next thing that piqued her interest. However, Eddie sees her stumble over something on her way, falling onto the ground.
Rushing over to her, Eddie gets to her just as she bursts into tears. “It’s okay, I’ve got you,” he whispers reassuringly, crouching down next to her. Taking her condition in, he sees that her hands are dirty and her left elbow is scraped. Otherwise, she seems completely fine.
Marina clutches her arm as she whimpers. Eddie gives her a sorry expression, feeling bad that she got hurt while having fun.
“Let’s go home, so we can clean that up and put a bandage on it, okay?”
Glancing between him and the playground, looking hesitant to leave, she eventually nods. Eddie then picks her up, making sure not to brush her elbow against anything. He then carries her back home as she leans her head down onto his shoulder.
Arriving, Eddie sets her down on the couch, leaving to go grab the first aid kit and a cloth. When he comes back into the living room, he uses the now damp cloth to wipe her hands clean. Then he carefully cleans out the wound on her elbow with supplies from the kit, apologising when she pulls back when there’s a slight sting.
“All clean! Now, what bandage do you want? Looks like you’ve got some with fish or… these are boring plain bandaids. We’ll do the fishies, right?” Eddie asks, and Marina nods. He grabs one at random, opening it up. “Looks like you’re getting turtles this time,” he says as he lines it up to cover the small scrape on her elbow. “All better now!”
She curiously looks down at the bandage, running her hand over it. “Owie,” she mutters, frowning.
Pulling her hand away from the injury, he tells her, “Yeah, it’s an owie, so don’t touch it so it stops hurting.”
Nodding, Marina reaches for the box of bandages, looking at them curiously. She pulls one out, trying to open it.
“Do you need another one?” Marina nods. “Okay. Where are you hurt?” Eddie asks playfully, knowing she just wants to see what other designs they have, as he opens up another one. She points to her arm. “Your arm? How’d your arm get hurt?”
“Sharky bite!”
“Shark bite?!” Eddie says, mouth open wide in fake shock. “Well, with an owie like that, I think you’ll need more than one of these.” He pulls out a few more before putting on a seahorse bandage onto her arm where she pointed to. Then he opens a few more, placing them around her arm as she smiles excitedly. “Do you think that’s enough?”
She shakes her head. “I got owie ‘ere.” She pats herself on her hand.
“And how did you get that one?”
Marina hums, like she’s coming up with something. Then, “From monster!”
“A monster! Really?” Eddie plays along. She nods. “Well, we can’t let that go without a bandage can we?” This one has jellyfish on it. He puts it on the back of her hand, and she smiles.
“You need!” She demands.
“Where do I need one?” He wonders, waiting for her to point out some fake injury.
Instead she climbs onto her knees on the couch and kisses his cheek. Then she points where she left the kiss. “Right there! To trap the kiss!”
A fond smile washes over him, and Eddie nods. Opening the last bandage in the pack, he opens it, revealing a shark design. Then he asks Marina to guide him on the perfect placement as he puts it on his cheek.
When it’s on, he says, “Perfect! Now your kiss is stuck there forever!” Marina then gives him a proud smile and Eddie ruffles her hair, gaining a giggle from her.
It’s not long after that when Marina starts yawning. So Eddie gets her into her bed for a nap. He has a general idea of how long she’ll nap for, having been around a few times while she’s been napping, so he knows about how much time he has to fill before he’s back on Marina duty.
Once again, he wants to help Buck out. So, that’s how he finds himself doing laundry, putting away dishes that Eddie assumes Buck didn’t have time to put away, and sweeping. Once again, it’s not much, but as a single father, Eddie knows how the little tasks can really add up.
He ends up tidying a few more things before getting started on lunch because he’s getting hungry. He decides on simple mac and cheese, because it’s hard to mess up, and children typically love it.
When he’s putting it into two bowls for them, he can hear the soft steps coming from Marina’s room towards the kitchen. Turning around, he sees her eyeing the food curiously. “Mac and cheese alright?”
She nods, walking towards her chair, trying to climb up. Eddie helps her before getting their bowls, setting one in front of Marina.
“Let’s dig in,” Eddie says, picking up his fork.
“Let’s dig in,” Marina repeats, copying him before they both take a bite.
—
Standing outside of Chris’ school, Eddie holds Marina’s hand as they wait for Chris to come out. It’s not long before he spots his son's goofy grin as he talks to one of his friends, both walking towards the sidewalk.
“Hi, Dad. Hi, Marina,” Chris greets as he approaches them, then he turns to his friend. “See you tomorrow, Joey.” Joey gives him a wave before walking towards the school buses.
“How was school?” Eddie asks as Marina hugs Chris in greeting.
Chris wraps an arm around her as he answers Eddie. “It was good. Our teacher was sick so the substitute let us watch a movie. Unfortunately we still had to do math though.”
“Which movie?” Eddie wonders, grabbing Chris’ backpack from him and tossing it onto the passenger seat.
As Eddie is helping Marina back into her car seat, Chris answers, “Ratatouille. Can we get a pet rat? They’re cool. And, like, super smart.”
Eddie kind of hates the idea of a rat in their home, so he’s quick to brush that off. “No. Maybe when you’re older and can take care of it yourself.” He’s pretty sure that by then, Chris will have forgotten about this conversation.
“Okay,” Chris agrees, but he doesn’t seem happy about it. “So, what’s up with the bandaids?”
“They got fishies,” Marina chimes in excitedly, showing off her arm to Chris, who is now seated in the back of Eddie’s truck with her next to him.
“Marina had a little fall on the playground today, and then we got a little carried away,” Eddie explains with a chuckle, turning on his vehicle.
They keep the chatter going as they make their way back to Buck’s place. It’s mostly Chris telling Eddie more about his day, and about his friends. Apparently he has to add a birthday party for Chris to attend on his calendar for two weekends from now.
Maybe he should get the same calendar for Buck now that he’s a dad. He always finds it so useful when trying to keep track of the million things he needs to, so he thinks it’d be good for Buck.
When they get home, Eddie asks Chris if he has any homework he needs to get done. Chris says no, and Eddie figures that’s because of the substitute, because usually he’s assigned at least something small.
He always tries to get him to get his homework done earlier than later, because it’s just easier to get it out of the way. Sometimes Chris asks to wait until Buck can help though. That’s usually for science related stuff, because Buck gets so into researching things, which is helpful.
Today, with no homework, Eddie lets Chris play some video games for a little bit. Marina just sits and watches as he plays, finding it intriguing. Chris doesn’t seem to mind her presence. Instead, he explains to her what he’s doing as he plays.
It’s adorable watching how those two interact. Marina adores Chris to no end, which is so obvious, but it’s clear that Chris enjoys having Marina around too. That almost surprises him, because she is a toddler, so she’s messy, clingy, and asks a ton of questions, which he thought might annoy Chris a little bit.
That’s clearly not the case though. Even when Marina isn’t around, Chris mentions her a lot. Like when they were at the store the other day, and Chris pointed out a dress with fish on them and said Marina would love this. You should buy it for her.
He did of course. And she wore it the next day with a big smile on her face. Buck had sent him a few photos to show him how happy she was, and Eddie made sure to tell Chris too.
At this point, Eddie is really starting to understand the love Buck feels for Chris, because he thinks it’s exactly how he feels about Marina. In a weird way, it’s sort of like they’re a family. Just an unconventional one. And Eddie is okay with that. He doesn’t need anything different. Just him, Buck, and their two kids.
—
As he’s helping Chris and Marina build a pillow fort, Eddie hears the jangling of keys before the front door opens. He sees Buck walk in, taking in the sight of the living room mess.
“You’re home early,” Eddie points out. “I was going to have this clean before you came back.” He wanted Buck to come home to a clean house, because he knows how nice that feeling is.
Both Marina and Chris stop their giggling, turning to Buck, both looking ecstatic to see him.
Waving at the kids, Buck explains, “Yeah. They had enough people to cover the second half of the shift, so they asked me if I wanted to just do a half shift. And don’t worry about it. I’m glad they're having fun.”
Marina runs up to Buck, lifting her arms to tell him to pick her up. He does so, eyeing her bandages with a sort of confused concern. “What happened?” He turns to Eddie.
“She’s fine,” Eddie starts. “Took a tiny fall while running at the park, scraped her elbow. The rest was to cover up the shark bites and monster attacks, right, Marina?” She nods excitedly.
Buck seems to be relieved that she wasn’t covered in actual scrapes because he smiles, then says, “Wow. A fall, a shark attack, and a monster all in one day? Sounds like you were busy!”
Marina nods. “Now we build fort,” she says, pointing to the pillows and blankets.
“I see that. It’s a pretty great fort,” Buck praises, then focuses on Chris. “How was school, Chris?”
“It was fun today. We watched Ratatouille and Dad said I could get a pet rat,” he replies.
Buck looks at him confused, like that didn’t seem like something that would actually happen. “I said you could have one once you’re old enough to fully take care of it on your own. I’m not touching any rats.” Then whispering quietly to Buck, he adds, “I’m pretty sure he’ll forget about this by then.”
Buck giggles slightly, but nods.
“Have you guys had dinner yet?” Buck asks.
“Nope. I was just about to throw something together,” Eddie says. “Got a little distracted with the fort building and didn’t realise the time.” He gives Buck a sheepish expression, noting the late-ish hour. Late for the kids to be eating, anyway.
“Well, I took the leftovers from yesterday’s dinner from the fridge at work, ‘cause I know my fridge is kind of empty. We can heat that up,” Buck suggests.
“Perfect. I’ll get that done, you can shower or get changed, whatever you want,” Eddie offers, grabbing the containers Buck pulled from his bag from him. “Food will be ready once you are.”
With that, Buck leaves to take a shower to wash off the day's work, and Eddie heads over to the kitchen to heat up the leftovers. Normally he’d just use the microwave, but he knows that Bobby hates when they improperly heat up his food, so he turns on the oven.
Putting the food into an oven safe dish, Eddie waits for the oven to preheat. Once it does, he puts it inside, leaving it to warm up until they’re ready to eat it.
And when Buck walks out of his room, dressed in a hoodie and sweats, he asks, “Did you, uh, do my laundry?”
“I did. Figured I could help out while I’m here,” Eddie replies.
“You watching Marina was already enough,” Buck states. “You really didn’t have to do anything else.” Buck then gives him a smile. “I, uh– I do appreciate it though. Thank you.”
“Anytime, Buck.”
The two of them then head to the living room to get their kids. All four of them then get situated at the table, where Eddie has already placed a plate for each of them.
As they’re cleaning up the dishes, Buck puts the rest of the leftovers in the fridge to probably forget about until it’s gone bad as Eddie dries off the plates they used.
Turning back towards him, Buck has a shocked expression on his face. “Did you buy groceries?!”
“Buck, your fridge had like three eggs, a carton of milk and expired yoghurt,” Eddie claims. “I know you’ve been busy and are still trying to find a good balance, so I stopped by the store after dropping Chris off.”
“How much was it?” Buck asks, pulling out his wallet, though Eddie only sees like twenty-three bucks in there.
“On me,” Eddie brushes him off. “Let’s say it’s to help balance the scales a little bit. You’ve helped me out with Chris a ton, and now I get to help you out too. We’re in this together, we’re a team.”
Buck blinks at him a couple times, like he’s surprised by what he is saying, then his expression shifts into a soft smile. “Yeah, okay. We’ve got each other’s backs.”
“Exactly.” Eddie smiles back at him, then, “Now will you help me with these dishes?”
Picking up a plate to start drying it, Buck says, “Logan from B-shift was telling me that his daughter started taking dance classes when she was about Marina’s age. Do you think that’s something I should look into? Might be fun for her.” He shrugs as he moves to put the plate away.
“I don’t see the harm in looking into it or letting her try it out,” Eddie replies. “Might be good for her to spend more time around kids her age to help with socialising. Plus, she’s gonna need new moves for the morning dances going on in this household. I don’t see her not enjoying it. In fact, I’m sure one day you’ll have your hands full with all the activities she’s going to want to try.”
“You’re probably right.” Buck chuckles, putting away another dish. “She’s probably going to want to do dance, swimming for sure, and have you ever tried to pry a soccer ball out of her hands? She has a surprisingly strong hold for someone her age.”
Eddie lets out a soft chuckle at that. “I’ll help you look into it after the kids go to bed.”
There’s very few things in the world he’s more grateful for than Eddie, that’s for sure. It’s nice feeling like he has a partner in this, even if it’s vastly different from how he ever imagined him raising kids.
Somehow, this is more perfect though.
Notes:
I think I've decided how I want this story to end. There's still quite a bit I need to write for it, but it's getting there. Also I'm still not one hundred percent sure but I think I am going to add smut into the fic in the later chapters. Not a lot of it, but I do have ideas of where I think it'd add to the story.
When I first wrote this chapter, I'm not going to lie, I didn't like it, but after I reread it, I changed my mind. There's lots of cute moments in this one. Next chapter has Buck dealing with toddler chaos and there's some Grandpa Bobby moments in it too, so there's that to look forward to.
The next time I upload a chapter will be the same day I give my work my two week notice which I am so excited for lol. Anyways see y'all next week!
Chapter 13
Summary:
Buck deal's with the chaos of raising a toddler
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“I talked to Mom and Dad today,” Maddie starts. “I take it they don’t know about Marina yet?”
Yeah, nope. They definitely don’t.
It’s honestly been a tough decision to make. It’s like the decision is a ping pong ball bouncing back and forth in between hell no, bad idea and of course, they’re my parents.
To say Buck has a complicated relationship with them would be a major understatement. Sometimes it feels like he was a stray that Maddie found out on the street that she begged her parents to keep, and they only agreed under the condition that she does all the work taking care of him.
Because that’s how it was for the most part.
Maddie was more like his mom than his actual mom. She bandaged him up when he was hurt, she taught him how to ride a bike, and she managed to turn him into the man he is today. Unfortunately his parents did some damage along the way though.
They’ve barely spoken since the day that he managed to escape the house that he was nothing more than a ghost in, with how they’d always seem to just see right through him. He’s only gotten a happy birthday call from them maybe a third of the years he’s been gone, and only on those years will he call them on theirs. He did call them to tell them about Doug though, but only because he didn’t want Maddie to have to make that call.
So, all in all, they’ve really only had maybe a couple handfuls of shallow conversations over the course of many years. Which is exactly why he doesn’t want to tell them about Marina. They’re not even in his life, so why should they be in hers?
But then again–
“Buck?” Maddie is waving her hand in front of his face.
“Hmm?” He hums, then remembers she asked something. “What do you think I should do? If you had a kid, would you tell them?”
Maddie lets out a soft, sympathetic sounding sigh. “Look, Buck, chances are, unless you cut off contact with them completely, they will most likely find out about her at some point. And, yeah, I would probably mention it to them, but I know my relationship with them wasn’t always the same that you had.”
It wasn’t quite the same, but they were never really good to her either. At least not that Buck noticed. Maddie deserved, and still does, better. Hell, they didn’t even show up to her wedding. Even if it was to a terrible man, they should have shown up to support her.
“I know I should tell them… I just– I don’t want them to hurt her, y’know.” Buck then sighs. “Or me. I don’t want to hear them tell me that I’m a horrible screw up of a dad.”
“Buck, they wouldn’t,” Maddie assures, but Buck is incredibly doubtful. Actually, maybe Maddie is right, but only because they’d actually have to be around for them to do that.
“You know what, I’m not going to tell them, but it’s not a secret. If you happen to mention it, or they find out some other way, that’s fine by me. I just don’t think they’ve earned hearing it from me,” Buck decides.
It may also just be the cowards way out, to avoid having to directly hear their opinions.
“Okay,” Maddie agrees to Buck’s decision. “On the bright side, at least they live on the other side of the country. So even if they do want to be in Marina’s life, you won’t have to deal with them often.”
“I hate the fact that there’s a possibility that they wouldn’t want their granddaughter in their lives. But that’s probably only because she’s my kid. They’d probably be on the next flight out if you had one.” He can’t help it, he sounds a little bitter towards Maddie right now, because he’s jealous that even though they weren’t great to her either, at least she got a taste of what it was like to have parents who sometimes loved her. Still, it wasn’t nearly as much as she deserved, and he feels bad for being upset by it.
“Buck, they’re not monsters, and as much as you’ve built it in your head, they don’t actually hate you,” Maddie assures.
“Okay, maybe they don’t hate me,” Buck agrees. “But they sure as hell don’t give a fuck about me.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” Maddie argues.
“I’m pretty sure they haven’t even talked to me every year since I’ve been gone, Mads. And when we do talk, it feels more like small talk with a stranger than talking to my own parents,” Buck explains. “It just always sort of felt like they wish they could write me out of existence.”
“I’m sorry that our shitty parents make you feel this way,” Maddie says, giving him a sad expression. She then stands up from the chair she was sitting in, and pulls him into a side hug while Buck is still seated before she leaves a kiss on his birthmark. “Well, I love you, Buck, and I’m glad you exist.”
“Thanks, Maddie. I’m pretty glad you exist too.”
—
This morning has not been an easy one.
It started with Marina waking up at three am, who then woke Buck up and insisted that Buck play with her. He tried to get her back into bed, but she was not having it. Instead she was full of energy, and eager to prevent her dad from getting enough sleep for his shift in the morning.
Then when it came time for them to actually be getting up for the day, Marina was drifting off into sleep. If he didn’t have to go to work today, he’d let her, but they really have to get going.
As Buck forces her out of bed again, Marina pouts grumpily, crossing her arms in complaint.
“I tired,” she whines, sitting down on the floor in the middle of the hallway.
“I know, sweetie. This is why I tried to get you back to sleep earlier,” Buck tells her as he picks her up, bringing her to the kitchen table.
Since he’s plenty tired himself, he just pours her a bowl of Cheerios. However, once he places it in front of her, she wears a grumpy expression again.
“Don’t wan’.” She pushes her bowl away.
“Marina, you have to eat something,” Buck says firmly, pushing the bowl back towards her.
“Wan’ Frui’ Loops!” She demands.
Sighing, Buck explains, “We don’t have any. You and Chris ate the rest the other day. I can pick some up after my shift, but for now this is all we have.” If she doesn’t start eating soon, he’s going to be late. It took so long just to get her to the table with how she kept running back to her room and climbing into bed. For a sleepy toddler, she’s fast.
And as a sleepy toddler, she’s on a mission to get her Fruit Loops it seems, because Buck watches as she picks up her bowl and pours the whole thing over her head to dump it out. She then blinks surprised when the cold milk hits her, and something tells Buck that she didn’t mean to get it on herself.
“Marina Rose!” Buck scolds, trying to grab the bowl from her, but she just chucks it across the room, sending the remaining milk inside to make a mess all over the floor. He has to take a deep calming breath before he completely freaks out, because he really doesn’t want to. “Marina,” he starts as calmly as he can. “We don’t pour our food all over the place, and we don’t throw things like that. You can nicely ask for something different to eat, but sometimes you won’t be able to have it.”
A guilty expression crosses Marina’s features. “Sowwy,” she apologises.
“Thank you for apologising,” Buck appreciates. “Just don’t do it again, okay?” His voice is soft now, because he doesn’t want Marina to feel awful about it, just wants her to learn. She nods. “I love you.”
“I love you,” she repeats, now wearing a bright smile underneath the milk and cheerios dripping down her face. Buck smiles back at her.
“Okay, now let’s get you washed up.”
Buck leaves Marina at the table for a moment to run and turn on the water for a bath, then comes back, ready to start cleaning up the mess as they wait for the tub to fill.
As he stares at the milk and cheerios all over Marina, the chair, table, and floor, he doesn’t know where to start. But since he has to start somewhere, he starts by wiping as much of the mess off of Marina as he can. Then he moves onto wiping down the table. Once he’s done that, he checks on the water level, deeming it good enough. He then helps Marina get to the bathroom and into the tub.
Since she’s still so sleepy, she isn’t as playful as she usually is. That’s not a bad thing, in Buck’s opinion, because at least it means he won’t be having to clean up a puddle of water on the ground from all her splashing.
Pouring some shampoo onto Marina’s head, he gently rubs it into her hair, making sure to get it through completely so as to not have any leftover milk in her hair. As he’s doing that, he doesn’t notice that Marina grabbed the shampoo bottle from the ledge of the tub. Not until she squeezed it tight, sending shampoo shooting out and into his eyes.
Flinching, Buck shuts his eyes tightly as the stinging sensation becomes awful. He reaches around, trying to find a towel or a shirt to wipe at his face as he holds back some not to be said in front of a two year old words.
Trying to be quick, because the thought that he can’t see his daughter while she’s in water right now is terrifying, he uses some of the bath water to splash his face. He’s hoping that helps ease the sting enough so that he can open his eyes.
It barely helps, but he does manage to squint one eye open, seeing Marina pouring the rest of the bottle into the tub with a giggle. Reaching over, he takes it from her. “This is not a toy, Marina.”
She huffs out an annoyed breath, not liking Buck having taken away her entertainment. He then passes her one of her rubber ducks and she forgets all about it.
Seeing that she’s okay, Buck moves to the sink to rinse out his eyes a little better, stopping to check in on her several times. Then once he feels like he can keep his eyes open again he goes back to sitting on the ledge of the tub.
Because of that, and the fact that Marina needed a bath in the first place, they’re running behind on time. So he makes sure to get her washed up quickly and out of the tub. She did not enjoy that he didn’t let her have extra bath time, but he really had no other choice.
When Marina is all dressed, Buck brings her to the living room and seats her on the couch so he can clean up the rest of the mess and get something new for her to eat.
But as he’s grabbing supplies to clean it, he misses Marina having moved, now seated on the floor by the kitchen table. She’s currently picking up Cheerios off of the floor and before Buck has a chance to stop her, she puts a handful in her mouth.
Crouching down next to her, Buck grabs her hand to stop her from continuing. “No, no. Don’t eat off of the floor. That’s yucky. You don’t want yucky floor food. I was going to make you some toast.”
“Oh, otay,” she says, standing up and running back towards the living room.
Buck chases her though, picking her up, because he needs to wash her hands now. She keeps trying to wriggle her way out of his grip, but Buck manages to get it done all while wondering how she still has energy for this when she was two seconds away from sleeping before.
After getting Marina back settled on the couch, he finally gets around to cleaning up the spill from earlier. When that’s done, he pops some toast into the toaster and pulls out the jam. Then after grabbing a plate and waiting for the toast to be done toasting, he spreads some jam on it before bringing it to the table for Marina to eat.
Stepping back into the living room, Buck sees Marina asleep. Shaking his head as he walks up to her, because he just knows how this is going to go, he wakes her up. And immediately she shakes her head no and tries to push him away.
“Marina, you have to eat breakfast so we can go. You can nap at daycare, okay?”
Still, she doesn’t budge, but Buck really needs to get out of the house like twenty minutes ago, so he just picks her up and settles her on her chair. She grumbles in complaint in the process, but still grabs ahold of the toast when she sees it in front of her.
And of course, continuing on path with how the rest of the morning has been going, Marina drops the toast on her shirt.
“Uh oh,” she mumbles, staring down at her shirt.
Picking up the toast, Buck checks it for and fluff or anything that shouldn’t be on it. “You can still eat it. It only touched your clean– Well, it was clean– shirt.” it’s more sanitary than the food she ate off of the floor earlier, so Buck figures it’s alright. He will have to change her again though.
The drive to the daycare was uneventful, just rainy, which Buck already knows is going to be the cause of at least a few calls at work today.
But when they arrive, it takes all of nine seconds before Marina is jumping into a puddle. And when Buck tries to chase her to get her to stop dirtying another set of clothes today, she trips and falls into the muddy puddle.
She doesn’t seem to mind that though. Instead she’s giggling and splashing, getting mud everywhere.
Buck runs his hands down his face in frustration, not entirely knowing what he’s meant to be doing in this situation.
“Marina…” He doesn’t even know what he wants to say. “Whatever. Let’s just go inside.”
Shaking her head, Marina stands up and starts jumping again, now splashing muddy water onto Buck, who was trying to move closer.
“I’m not playing right now, Marina. We have to go. Now,” his voice is firm but Marina has a smirk on her face just before she starts running towards an even bigger puddle. “Marina!” He shouts exasperatedly, following her.
He does manage to grab a hold of her, not caring that she’s getting mud all over him. Right now he just wants to drop her off at daycare so he can get to work like he’s supposed to. So, he carries her as she giggles happily towards the daycare entrance.
Stepping inside, one of the daycare workers that he recognises as Sue gives them a surprised look.
“I am so sorry,” Buck quickly apologises. “I can help wash her up before I go. She sort of, uh, got into the puddles out front.”
Waving him off, Sue says, “Don’t worry about it. We’ve had to clean up plenty of muddy children before. Have a good day at work. We’ve got her.”
“Thank you,” Buck appreciates before crouching down to say goodbye to Marina. “Karen is going to pick you up today. You remember her?” Marina nods. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay? I love you lots.”
“Love you,” she says, hugging him. “Bye bye.”
“Bye, my little sharky.”
Walking into the station, still in mud covered clothes that are wet from the rain, and eyes still a little red from the shampoo incident, he’s hoping he can rush to the showers before anyone sees him.
If this morning has taught him anything, it’s that he's not that lucky.
“Buck, you’re late,” Bobby points out, giving him a stern look that’s laced with a smidge of curiosity as he takes in Buck’s appearance.
“The hell happened to you, Buck?” Chimney asks as Eddie and him approach.
Buck gives him a glare, because he doesn’t really want to get into it.
“One of those mornings, huh?” Eddie asks, a hint of amusement lacing his tone. “I’ve had my fair share of those with Chris. Though, I think Shannon got the worst of it.”
“It’s like she got into crack or something last night!” Buck says exasperatedly.
The group of them chuckle before Buck excuses himself to get himself washed and changed.
—
It’s mid shift, they haven’t had a call for three hours, and Buck is starting to get restless. He needs something to do.
“Marina’s birthday is coming up,” Eddie points out. The two of them are currently sitting on the loft couch. “Planning anything?”
Perfect. He can plan out his daughter’s third birthday. Eddie must have noticed him turning fidgety and wanted to help keep the boredom away. Maybe he’s just as bored himself.
“Well, since she’s only two, she doesn’t really have any friends to invite, but I still want to do something special. Especially because I missed the first two,” Buck answers.
“It’s been a while, how about Athena and I host a barbeque,” Bobby offers, standing behind the couch they’re on. Turning around, Buck gives Bobby a surprised look, mostly because he didn’t know he was there. “I could cook up something, and we could get a cake. Invite the whole extended 118 family. That way there’s plenty of people to celebrate her, and you won’t have to clean up a mess after.”
“Really?” Buck asks, “You’d do that?”
“Of course, Buck,” Bobby assures, giving him a warm smile. “Plus, Athena is pretty upset that she hasn’t met Marina yet. It'd be a good excuse.”
“Oh, uh, maybe I can swing by before then and bring her. You never really got to meet her either,” Buck points out.
The only time Bobby has been around Marina was the day he found out about her. In fact, besides Eddie, most of the team hasn’t spent too much time with her. Chimney is lucky in the sense that Maddie is still the go-to baby sitter, so he can spend time with her if they’re not on shift and she’s at their apartment. Hen maybe gets a few minutes here or there to see her if she gets home faster than Buck can get to her house to pick her up after she spent the night being taken care of by Karen.
“I’d appreciate that. We both would,” Bobby tells him with a smile. “How about Wednesday? I can cook– Does she have any allergies?” Buck shakes his head. “Okay, then I’ll make my lasagna. How does that sound?”
“Sounds great. Thanks, Bobby,” Buck accepts with a content grin.
“Great.” Bobby then turns to Eddie. “You and Chris are invited too, if you’d like.”
“We’d love that,” Eddie replies.
When Bobby walks away, seemingly to check up on the rest of the team; to see what they’re up to, Buck turns to Eddie. “Got any ideas for decorations?”
“I mean, we’ve gotta make Bobby’s place look like an aquarium, right?” Eddie says.
“We should take her to the aquarium on her birthday!” Buck suggests excitedly.
“Already bought the tickets,” Eddie says, pulling out his phone to show Buck.
“You–” Buck is completely stunned by Eddie having already thought about doing that for Marina. He just wordlessly decided that for Marina to have the best birthday, she’d have to go to the aquarium, and bought tickets simply, like he wasn’t buying tickets to Buck’s heart. He supposes it’s ridiculous to buy tickets for something you already have though. “That’s really sweet of you, Eddie. I– Thank you.”
Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for stepping up to help with Marina even though you don’t have to. Thank you for making my world a better place. Thank you for being a piece of my heart. And thank you for letting me be a piece of yours.
He doesn’t know how to explain all that to Eddie, but he hopes that he gets it anyway.
—
It was decided that they’d all go to Bobby and Athena’s together, Eddie, Chris, Marina, and himself. Actually, it was a wordless decision. Eddie and Chris just showed up thirty minutes before Buck was planning on heading out, and Buck wasn’t surprised in the slightest to see them.
After putting his Jeep into park, Buck helps Chris get out from the backdoor on the driver's side, passing him his crutches so he’d be able to move around better. While he does that, Eddie unbuckles Marina from her seat, picking her up, and settles her on his hip.
Since Eddie has Marina, Buck grabs the just in case bag he packed for Marina, knowing that she’s a walking disaster at times, and is very likely to need at least a change of shirt.
Stepping up to the front door, Buck knocks. They don’t have to wait more than a few seconds before Athena, with her wide grin, is greeting them at the door. She completely ignores both Buck and Eddie, going straight to fawning over the children.
“You must be Marina,” she notes, turning towards her. “You might just be the most adorable little girl I have ever seen.” Marina then tucks her head into Eddie’s chest shyly. She’s smiling, however. “And Chris, you grow so much in between each andevery time I see you.”
“Hi, Athena,” Chris greets.
“Now, why don’t we get you guys settled inside?” She gestures towards the interior of her house, indicating for them to come in. They do, following her into the living room. That’s when Bobby appears.
“Buck, Eddie, glad you could make it,” Bobby greets as Eddie is setting Marina down onto the couch.
“Always a pleasure to get to eat one of your meals,” Eddie claims with a slight chuckle.
Turning towards Marina, Buck sits down next to her. “Do you remember Bobby?” As she’s looking like she’s trying to remember, Buck picks up on the fact that she doesn’t. It makes sense, because they didn’t really interact. “He was there at the fire. He’s my Captain, and he makes super yummy food, you’ll love him.”
And at that, she nods, accepting that if her dad thinks so, then she does too.
“Hi!” She cheers, giving him a wave.
“Hi,” Bobby greets back with a smile. “If it’s okay with your dad–” He turns to Buck, as if to ask if it’s okay. “I got something for you.”
Buck gives him a curious look, but approves. “Of course that’s alright.”
Then stepping away, Bobby comes back with two small bags. “I got one for Chris too, but you already know about it,” Bobby directs towards Eddie. He nods with a slight smile, and Buck is curious as to why Eddie knew beforehand, and he didn’t.
Moving closer, Bobby passes Marina her bag, and she stares at it curiously for a moment. Then she watches as Chris gets passed his, and her attention is more focused on what he’s doing now.
“You can both open them,” Eddie tells them, and Chris doesn’t hesitate to, but Marina stays watching him.
The first thing Chris pulls out of the bag is a new video game, and he’s clearly super excited about it. “Dad, when we get home, can I play?”
“Well, we don’t have that console at our place, so you’d have to wait until we can play it at Buck’s,” Eddie explains, and Buck thinks that he probably told Bobby to get him a game he could only play at Buck’s so that he doesn’t spend too much time on it.
“Home, Bucks, same thing,” Chris says nonchalantly, already trying to open up the case.
However, even though that was just a passing comment from Chris, it clearly meant more to Eddie and Buck, because they both shared a look.
Chris feels at home at his place. Buck is beyond glad about that, because he’s always felt at home at Eddie and Chris’. He has tried really hard to make his house a home for Chris, and Eddie too, because he wants them to experience that settled feeling he always has when he’s at the Diaz house.
Clearly, it seems to be working.
Giving Buck a slightly rosy cheeked smile, Eddie then turns to Marina, who is now playing with the plastic that came off the cover of the game. Athena reaches over to grab it and throw it out, and Buck mouths thank you, because he’s sure she’d have tried to eat it if she didn’t .
“Do you want to see what you got?”
That’s clearly when she remembered she has something for herself. Opening it, the first thing she pulls out is a bundle of stickers. She goes wide eyed in excitement. “Stickers!” Then, “Sharky!” Because she sees a hammerhead shark stuffed animal in the bag that she’s now pulling out, and hugging close to her.
Turning to Bobby, Buck says, “I think she likes it.” He chuckles as he watches her sway excitedly with it.
“I’m glad,” Bobby beams. “You both have one more thing in your bags.”
Chris and Marina both reach in, each pulling out a t-shirt in their own respective sizes. They both have the LAFD logo on them.
“Now you guys can match your dads,” he says. “Got the department to special order some in their sizes,” he explains, mostly to Buck, because as it seems, Eddie already knew about this.
“That’s awesome, Bobby. Thank you,” Buck appreciates, taking the shirt from Marina to see it a little bit better. When he does, he turns it around, seeing the print on the bottom. Where his own says Buckley , hers says Buckley-Diaz.
A confused look washes over him, as he looks up at Bobby.
But before Bobby could throw out an explanation, Eddie chimes in with, “I had a feeling that Marina wouldn’t like not matching Chris, so I told Bobby to just put both on there.”
Yeah, that does make sense. Marina is constantly trying to mirror Chris. Though, he knows Marina can’t actually read yet, so she might’ve not entirely noticed the difference. That doesn’t matter though, because to Buck this is everything. Concrete proof that they are connected as a family.
“Makes sense,” Chris states. “She’s basically my little sister anyways.” Then as both Buck and Eddie stare at her dumbfounded, Chris adds, “I mean, we always do family stuff together like what my friends with siblings do. So what else would she be?”
For a moment, Eddie and him have a silent conversation, trying to get a clue on each other’s thoughts on the matter before Buck says, “If you want to see her as a sister, that’s more than fine by me.”
“Cool,” Chris says as he’s reaching over to help Marina open up the sticker packet that she’s struggling with.
Buck is pretty sure Eddie and him are going to have to have a conversation about all of this, but at least he knows that this is a good thing, what they all have together. And taking a glance at both Athena and Bobby, Buck sees them giving the four of them an incredibly fond expression. Plus something else that Buck reads as them knowing something he doesn’t.
He sees that a lot in people around him. It leaves him curious, but he’s just learned to accept he might be clueless to something they deem obvious.
The first place Marina sticks one of her stickers is on Chris’ cheek, and he wears it proudly all through dinner.
When they leave, Buck makes sure to thank Bobby and Athena for the invite, and when they both suggest they do it again sometime, Buck agrees easily. It was really nice being back in their home after everything. Especially now that everything is how it should be.
Eddie and Chris end up deciding to stay the night at Buck’s place, even though it’s a school night. It’s fine though, because Chris has enough stuff there from all the time Eddie and him have been spending over lately.
It was agreed that Chris could spend thirty minutes trying out his new game before having to get ready for bed.
When that thirty minutes is up, Marina is practically falling asleep, leaning against Chris as he plays. Eddie walks up to him. “Time’s up. You have school in the morning, and clearly this one is struggling to stay up, but she’s trying because she wants to spend time with you.”
“Can I read Marina a bedtime story tonight? I know usually Buck does, but I want to,” Chris asks.
From the kitchen where Buck is overhearing the conversation, he then hears Eddie say, “I’m sure he’d be okay with that.” And he thinks he can hear the fond smile in Eddie’s voice.
There’s some shuffling, and as Buck takes a peek around the corner, he sees Eddie carrying Marina towards her bedroom. A few minutes pass before Eddie steps into the kitchen.
“Hope you don’t mind, I told Chris he could be the one to read Marina a story tonight,” Eddie informs.
“No, I, uh– I think Marina’s gotta be ecstatic about that,” Buck replies with a grin. “I’m going to go say goodnight to her though.”
Walking towards Marina’s room, he stops just outside of the door, taking a moment to take in the sight of Chris reading to Marina. He can’t help it, he takes a couple pictures. Maybe one day he’ll get around to putting all the photos he has into a photo album for them and the kids to see years down the line to remember these moments.
As he’s putting his phone back into his pocket, he feels a hand on his shoulder. Turning around, he sees Eddie watching the kids with the same sort of fondness that Buck was.
“Thank you for bringing Marina into our lives,” Eddie whispers.
“Wasn’t entirely up to me,” Buck points out, keeping his voice quiet too, so as to not disturb the kids. “But, yeah, I’m pretty glad I have her.” There’s a momentary pause before Buck adds, “And you two as well. I honestly never thought I’d be so lucky.”
“I don’t think luck has anything to do with it,” Eddie argues.
“Forgot for a moment about your chronic skepticism,” Buck sighs out with a roll of his eyes. Though it comes out much more fondly than he intended.
With a quiet chuckle, Eddie explains, “No. I just mean you’re a great guy, Buck, and so naturally you’re just going to attract good people into your life. Even if it wasn’t me and Chris, you’d have found your people to call home regardless.”
A soft blush lingers on Buck’s cheeks at Eddie’s words. “I’m glad it wasn’t someone else though,” he admits, not facing Eddie, rather turning back towards the kids.
“Me too,” Buck hears from beside him.
When Chris places the book he was reading from down, Buck steps inside, saying goodnight to Marina and making sure to leave a kiss on her forehead. After that, he says his goodnights to Chris before making his way back to the living room. Eddie joins him shortly after, sitting down next to him. Close enough that Buck feels the heat from Eddie’s thigh.
“I– Well, I wanted to ask you if you were really alright with Chris considering Marina a sister?” Eddie starts. “I know it’s sort of an odd situation we have going on here. Because we sort of are raising them like siblings in a way, even though they’re technically not. And obviously we’re not together, so… I just want to know your thoughts. ‘Cause I could talk to Chris if you want, like if you didn’t want that.”
Buck is quick to shut that down. “No, I– I kind of love the idea of Chris being Marina’s older brother,” Buck admits. “Besides, there’s nothing wrong with two single best friends co-parenting their kids together.”
“But, we might not– Well, I sort of hope not at least– always be single,” Eddie points out. “And if that were the case. If one of us got a partner, would things change? Because I don’t want to give my son these expectations if they’re not going to stick. I can’t take something else from him.”
“Eddie, no. I’d always put you and the kids before any girlfriend I may get someday,” Buck confesses and it feels like something much heavier than he realises, like it means something more than he has the words to explain. “This slightly unconventional family we’ve got here, this is my main priority. Plus, I feel the same for Marina. I think it’d crush her if she couldn’t have Chris around as much.”
“Okay, good. So we’re on the same page then?” Eddie asks for clarity sake, and Buck nods. “You wanna continue the episode we left off on then?”
With Buck’s agreement, Eddie turns on the TV and they watch the show until they turn sleepy. So sleepy that Buck falls asleep on the couch for a bit. That is, until Eddie gently wakes him up.
“You should probably make your way to your bed so I can set up the couch,” Eddie says, plopping down a blanket, sheets, and a pillow onto the couch beside Buck.
Rubbing his hands down his face to try and wipe the sleep off of it so he doesn’t fall back into it, Buck tiredly says, “Just sleep in my room. You’re here all the time, and I feel bad making you sleep on the couch. My bed is plenty big. Enough room for the both of us.”
Plus, he doesn’t want to give up Eddie’s heat that he’s emanating from beside him. He’s warm, and it’s making Buck feel extra cozy.
Eddie gives him a hesitant look. ”Are you sure?”
“Positive.” The word comes out sound firm, showing he’s confident in his decision.
“Okay, then,” Eddie agrees. “Just don’t hog the blankets.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Buck promises, but he isn’t confident that he’ll be able to keep it. He runs cold at night, and sometimes just needs to be really bundled.
With that agreed upon, the two of them get ready to sleep together before climbing into bed. Eddie, without knowing which side Buck usually sleeps on, picks the one opposite Buck would have chosen, and Buck can’t help but think how perfectly that worked out.
However, it’s Eddie, so Buck would have just let him have whatever side he wanted.
“Night, Buck,” Eddie whispers sleepily.
“Night, Eddie.”
Notes:
tbh this ch was supposed to have buck's parents in it but i kept delaying it cuz i didn't feel like writing them lol so here's this instead
im thinking of maybe going back to posting twice a week again. don't know exactly when i'm going to start that though. probably within the next three weeks. i'm definetly getting closer to finishing writing the whole thing. it's currently sitting at 130k words and i imagine it'd end up being between 150k and 175k depending on how much i decide to write after the story i want to tell is finished, like extra fluff and stuff.
hope you liked this chapter :)))
and as always i enjoy hearing your thoughts so feel free to comment or leave kudos if u just wanna let me know you liked it! see y'all soon when i upload the next chapter where i also procrastinated writing buck's parents lol
Chapter 14
Summary:
Buck and Eddie take the kids to the zoo again
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Waking up, the first thing Buck notices is the warmth enveloping him. Which is odd, because he often wakes up cold.
Blinking his eyes open to figure out why, he sees that in his sleep, he’s moved over, invading Eddie’s space on the bed. He’s nestled up against him, one arm resting on his torso, hand right above Eddie’s heart. But upon further inspection, he notices that Eddie is holding him in his sleep with one arm wrapped around him.
Eddie must be the source of the warmth, and it sort of makes Buck want to never get up, to just live in Eddie’s comfortable embrace forever.
However, if Buck doesn’t want to scare Eddie off, make him never stay over again because asleep Buck doesn’t know personal space, he should move.
This did not happen the first night they shared a bed, so he isn’t sure why it’s happening this second time.
Carefully, he tries wriggling out of Eddie’s grasp, trying his best not to wake him. Although, that’s thwarted when Eddie sleepily mumbles, “Stop moving so much, Buck.” He then pulls Buck back in close.
“Oh, I didn’t know you were awake, sorry,” Buck apologises, stilling very tensely.
“‘S fine,” Eddie assures, voice conveying how sleepy he still is. “But I’m not getting up until the kids are up, and you’re nice and cold which is great ‘cause you keep your room too hot. So just relax, I can feel how tense you are right now and it’s annoying.”
A small chuckle escapes Buck as he lets the tension seep from his body. “I do not keep my room too hot,” he argues weakly.
“Mhm, whatever you say, Buck.” Eddie shifts a bit to get a little bit more comfortable.
“Okay, my room’s not hot,” Buck continues arguing. “You’re just hot.”
As soon as the words leave his mouth, he realises how it sounds. He tenses up again. “I mean– Okay, I didn’t mean it like– Well, objectively you are hot… But I meant like, temperature wise, you are physically warm to the touch. Hot, if you will.”
By the end of Buck’s ramble, Eddie is laughing sleepily at him.
“Stop laughing at me,” Buck pouts, playfully thwacking him with his hand.
“Can’t help it, that was sort of cute, Buck. You were so flustered. Kind of reminded me of our first shift together,” Eddie says, and even though Buck isn’t looking at Eddie, because he doesn’t want him to see how red his cheeks probably are, he can hear the grin in his voice. “Also, I knew what you meant, but glad you clarified.” Another chuckle.
“I was not flustered during our first shift together,” Buck testifies, voice conveying how ridiculous that thought is to him.
“Can I admit something?” Eddie asks. He’s trailing his fingers along Buck’s arm, and Buck wonders if he’s even aware he’s doing it. He can’t ask though, because he thinks it might make Eddie stop, and he kind of likes it.
“Of course.”
“I sort of– Well, I kinda thought you had, like, a crush on me, or something, at first,” Eddie confesses.
Buck jolts on the spot, moving quickly to stare at Eddie with confused furrowed brows. “Why?”
“It kind of seemed like you were doing the whole ‘pulling on pigtails to get the girls attention’ thing,” Eddie explains. “You were kind of being a dick, but also trying to show off.”
“I was not trying to show off,” Buck scoffs.
Eddie raises a brow at him. “So the adding extra weights when I walked over to the gym area and you taking those selfies wasn’t you showing off?”
Giving Eddie a playful exasperated expression, Buck says, “Are you sure you weren’t the one showing off? Mister fifth intercostal space, and oh yeah, that’s the wrong lighting. Or, how could I forget volunteering to pull a bomb out of a guy's leg.”
Eddie grins at him, shaking his head. “Buck, it was my first day. I was just trying to show that I knew my stuff and deserved to be there. And it turns out, you were just being good ol’ Buck. ‘Cause it turns out, you’re straighter than I thought.”
“Kinda surprised by that,” Buck claims. “Don’t think anyone has ever accused me of being anything other than straight before.” He chuckles. “Especially with how often I used to hook up with women.”
“And that surprises me, because no offense dude, but you don’t exactly come across as super straight. And it’s not just me thinking you had a crush on me,” Eddie informs, confusing Buck further. “But obviously this is why you don’t assume things like that about someone.”
“What–” He was going to ask for further explanations, but the door creaks open, revealing Chris and Marina. “Morning,” he greets, sitting up.
Chris nudges Marina, and whispers to her. “Ask them.”
Then Marina quietly asks, “Can we go zoo?” She’s chewing on the fin of her shark stuffie so the words come out a little bit mumbled.
Buck turns to Eddie to gauge his thoughts. He just gives him a smile with a tiny nod.
“Yeah, we can do that today,” Buck agrees.
Then Eddie adds, “Just give us a couple minutes to get up and we’ll make you guys breakfast, okay?”
Chris nods, then takes Marina’s hand in his, and says to her, “Come help me pick an outfit to wear.” The two of them then disappear out the door, leaving fond smiles on both Buck and Eddie’s faces.
“I guess we’re going to the zoo today,” Buck states, getting up and stretching out his leg that’s a little bit sore right now. Nothing too unusual though. After all, it is normal to have pain after a ladder truck decided to use your leg as a pillow.
Eddie must notice because he asks, “Leg bothering you?”
“Not too bad,” Buck answers. “Sometimes it’s just a bit achy in the mornings. It’ll go away.”
“Are you sure?” Eddie asks for clarification. “‘Cause we’ll probably be walking around all day.”
Buck is quick to brush that off. “I promise.”
—
In Buck’s defence, he really thought he was telling the truth. However, they’re one hour in at the zoo, and his leg is not having it at all. Every step brings a sharp pain and he’s trying really hard not to show it.
Eddie, of course, caught it right away though. At first it was just an I told you so look. Then an increasingly concerned look. And finally–
“Do we need to go home?” Eddie whispers to Buck to keep it unheard from the children. His voice is soft and Buck can tell he’s a bit worried.
Buck shakes his head slightly, then winces as he takes a step to follow the kids to the next exhibit. “I’m fine.”
He just really doesn’t want to ruin the kids’ day out, and he won’t.
Eddie just gives him a look.
“Okay, maybe I need to sit down for a minute,” Buck notes after another painful step. “But I’ll be fine after that.”
There’s clear disbelief in Eddie’s eyes, but he gives in for now, gesturing for Buck to sit down as he grabs the kids.
“Why are we sitting?” Chris asks as he moves beside Buck. “We wanna go see the zebras.”
“Remember how Buck hurt his leg a while back, bud?” Eddie asks, earning a nod from Chris. “Well, even though it’s healed, it still hurts sometimes. So Buck just needs to rest for a minute.”
“Oh, okay. That’s fine,” Chris easily agrees. “My legs are getting tired too, so the break might be good.”
Buck gives him a grateful smile.
Marina tries to wander off, so Eddie sits her down on his lap and gets her to drink some water. All while Buck is panicking slightly, because he knows that a few minutes of sitting down is not going to be enough. The pain is not letting up at all, and he stupidly didn’t bring any pain meds with him.
After about five minutes, he just accepts that he’s just going to have to suffer through the rest of this, and decides they might as well continue.
“Let’s go see those zebras!” He tries to be as enthusiastic as he can, but it comes out weak.
And of course, Eddie, once again, notices. And as the kids walk in front of them, Buck is fully limping now. This might just be the worst the pain has gotten since it’s fully healed. He’s sort of pissed, because he just wants to enjoy the day with the kids and Eddie. Is that really too much to ask?
Eddie leans in to whisper, “Buck, I’m calling it. We’re going home after the zebras.”
“No,” Buck whispers harshly. “I’m not ruining their day because of some dumb pain in my leg.”
Softly, Eddie assures, “You’re not ruining anything. We can make it up to them and come back another day. They can have fun at home. I am not allowing you to walk around in this much pain. It’s honestly painful to watch.”
“Maybe you could stay with–”
“Buck, no,” Eddie cuts off firmly. “We’re a family, we come and go together .”
Damn Eddie and his ability to say just the right thing.
“Fine,” he huffs.
A satisfied smile graces Eddie’s features. “Sit on that bench, and I’ll watch the kids until they’re done with this exhibit and bring them back over.”
The urge to argue that he can stick around for one last exhibit is strong, but the pain in his leg is stronger. So, he takes a seat and watches as Eddie and the kids go off to see the zebras.
He sort of feels awful about being the reason their zoo trip is getting cut short, but there is no way he’d be able to push through, despite how much he wants to. Which means he’s grateful that Eddie is pushing him to stop, because as much as he enjoys outings with the kids, he just wants to take some meds and not move again for the rest of the day.
It’s not long that he’s sitting there before he sees the three of them making their way back towards him. Eddie is carrying Marina, who seems a little bit upset, which tells Buck that Eddie already told them the bad news. Chris, on the other hand, approaches Buck with a smile.
“Dad said we can come back another day to see the rest,” Chris explains, sitting down next to Buck.
“Sorry, buddy,” Buck apologises, pulling him into a side hug. “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
“It’s okay, Buck,” Chris accepts easily. “Dad always says it’s important to take care of yourself. You only have one body, so treat it well. If you are in pain, you should rest.”
“Your dad is super smart, isn’t he?” Buck gives him a grin, glancing between Eddie and him.
Chris nods. “Mhm.”
“Ready to go?” Eddie asks, readjusting Marina on his hip.
“Uh, yeah,” Buck agrees, standing up, and immediately wincing at the pain. Trying to stand up now hurts more because he isn’t as used to it anymore, having rested a bit.
Eddie gives him an apologetic look, like he wishes he could do something about it. Buck just gives him an appreciative smile and starts walking. His limp is probably very noticeable, but he doesn’t have it in him to try and hide it anymore.
They’re not walking for long before Buck sees Eddie whisper something to Marina before putting her down. She moves towards Chris, and Eddie steps closer to him, putting an arm around his back, hand settling on his waist.
“Use me for support,” Eddie tells him.
Swinging an arm around Eddie’s shoulder, Buck uses him to help him put less pressure on his hurting leg. It definitely helps, but this is not exactly an enjoyable experience right now. And having Eddie’s hand on his waist feels like it should be an enjoyable moment.
“You know what? Stay here,” Eddie requests, helping him towards a bench. “I’ll be back.”
“Uh… okay.” He’s a little confused, but he’ll go along with whatever Eddie says.
Both kids stay with him, sitting down next to him on the bench. Chris is trying to show her how to play rock paper scissors in the meantime. She doesn’t seem to totally get it, but it’s keeping them both amused, so that’s good.
It takes longer for Eddie to come back than Buck was expecting, but when he does, he’s pushing a wheelchair that he must have rented from near the front of the park.
Pushing it in front of Buck, Eddie pats the backrest. “Your uber is here,” Eddie says with a grin.
Buck shakes his head fondly as he takes a seat. He then gives Eddie a grateful look, hoping it conveys how much he appreciates it. Buck then reaches out towards Marina, picking her up, and setting her on his lap. She cuddles up against him as soon as she’s seated. “Okay, we’re good to go,” Buck informs.
Eddie starts pushing them as Chris follows beside. It’s a huge relief not having to walk the whole way. Internally, he thanks Eddie for coming up with this idea.
Unfortunately though, they can only get as far as the rental place before Eddie has to bring it back to return it. Eddie does let Buck lean on him for support again until they make it back to the car though, so that’s something at least.
Arriving back home, Eddie is quick to guide Buck to the couch. He then comes back a few minutes later with some medication, a glass of water, and a heating pad for him to place on his leg where it’s hurting.
“You’re a lifesaver, thank you,” Buck appreciates, quickly tossing the meds into his mouth and washing them down with some water.
“I’ll be right back. I’m just going to get Marina down for a nap, ‘cause she’s starting to get a little cranky,” Eddie informs, leaving Buck to wait for the painkillers to kick in.
And when Eddie makes his way back into the living room, he explains that Marina is in bed, and Chris is playing a game on their ipad in the spare room.
Plopping down on the couch next to Buck, Eddie asks, “Does this happen a lot? The pain?”
Taking a moment to think about it, Buck shrugs. “I mean… there’s sort of always a dull pain there that doesn’t really ever fully go away. But it’s manageable, and honestly, I don’t even notice it for the most part any more,” Buck explains. “There’s just been a few times where it gets bad. Though, this might be the worst it’s gotten.”
“That’s probably because you thought it was a good idea to walk on it for hours,” Eddie says with a sort of scolding present in his voice.
“I honestly didn’t think it’d get this bad,” Buck admits.
“Okay. Just make sure you’re resting for the rest of the day,” Eddie instructs, lifting Buck’s foot off of the coffee table to put a pillow under it to make it more comfortable for him. “If you need anything, ask me. And if it’s still bad tomorrow, please don’t go to work.”
Buck adjusts the heating pad, appreciating its warmth. “I’ll be fine by tomorrow.”
Eddie just gives him a disbelieving look, and Buck sighs, grabbing the remote to put something on. “Do you think Chris wants to watch something with us?”
“I can ask,” Eddie says, getting up to go ask Chris.
Buck watches as both of them come back from the guest room together. Not really caring what he watches, Buck lets Chris select something. And then the three of them enjoy some TV time together.
And when Buck’s heating pad goes cold, Eddie wordlessly gets up and heats it up again.
—
It’s as they’re playing Mario Kart that Buck sees a text from Maddie. Marina was just circling the cows as they played Moo Moo Meadows while Buck and Eddie were racing against Chris. Chris won, but that’s only because of a last minute shell he threw to stop Buck in his tracks, pushing him to fourth.
Maddie
I just got off of the phone with Mom and Dad
They’re visiting this week
I’ll be picking them up at the airport on Wednesday
Just thought you deserved the heads up
Maybe we can meet up before then to talk
“Shit,” Buck mutters, dropping his phone onto the couch.
Marina then copies,” Shit?” She says it like she’s trying to figure out what that means.
“No, no,” Buck jumps in. “Don’t say that.”
Looking at Eddie in slight panic, Buck sees him holding in laughter. Chris on the other hand, doesn’t even try, just bursting into a fit of giggles.
“Why?” She tilts her head, even more confused now.
“It’s a grown up word,” Buck explains. “I shouldn’t have said it.”
Once he has his bubbling laughter under control, Eddie gives Buck a questioning look, trying to silently ask what prompted that. Buck, in return, passes him his phone, knowing he knows the password, and picks up the controller to pick the next map.
Eddie clicks off the phone after reading the messages, picking up his own controller. Buck knows that once the kids aren’t around, they’ll have a conversation about it. Eddie doesn’t really know much about his parents, but he knows that Buck doesn’t really talk to them. He’s never really pressed into the matter much, but Buck thinks that’s just because he doesn’t want him to pry into his relationship with his own parents.
After that round, Buck excuses himself to get started on dinner. Eddie follows him.
“No, go sit back down,” Eddie instructs.
“I’m fine, Eddie. My leg doesn’t hurt that bad,” Buck assures, but Eddie gives him a disbelieving look.
“If you can balance on your bad leg for ten seconds without wincing, then I’ll believe you,” Eddie says, stepping back and crossing his arms as he waits for Buck to do as instructed.
Rolling his eyes, Buck lifts up the leg that doesn’t hurt, but unfortunately Eddie was right, and he couldn’t make it more than a few seconds before the pain got too bad again.
“Sit.” Eddie points to the couch, voice firm as he speaks.
Obeying the command, Buck makes his way back to the couch that he’s spent most of the day sitting on. Frankly, he’s bored. He just wanted something to do that wasn’t just sitting. Which is why he wanted to make dinner, but Eddie unfortunately cares so much about his well being.
And, well, that’s not actually a bad thing, just annoying at times like this.
He uses this time to message his sister back.
Buck
i can do lunch on tues if that works for you
do they know about marina?
It takes no more than a minute before she’s replying.
Maddie
They don’t know
I know you said you were okay with it
But I didn’t want to take that choice away from you
I can help keep them away from her if you want
And tuesday works great for me
Chim offered to watch Marina if you just wanted it to be us
Buck
i’ll think about what i want to do
thanks tho
eddie was already planning on spending the day with her
he’s taking marina and chris to the beach to make sandcastles
and have a picnic
so tell chim thanks but it’s good
Maddie
If you want to go with them we can figure out a different time
Truth is, Buck was invited, but he sort of already told Eddie he had plans with Maddie. Funny how it worked out.
Messaging Maddie back, he assures her that he’s happy to meet up with her, and that he can just go with them next time. Apparently, Eddie has been taking Chris to the beach weekly, trying to show him the non-scary side of it to make sure he isn’t afraid of the ocean forever after the tsunami.
It is nearly December though, so they obviously don’t go into the water. As described, Chris usually just plays in the sand and they enjoy some sandwiches and snacks. He thinks Marina will love joining them this time. According to Eddie, it was Chris’ idea to invite her.
Or, actually, both of them.
Buck, however, isn’t as brave as Chris though, because he’s been avoiding the beach like the plague since the tsunami. He will admit it, he’s terrified. And there’s a not small part of him that thinks if he is the one to take Marina to the beach, he’d be the reason another tsunami hit right at that moment.
It’s irrational, yeah. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t what his brain is trying to convince him.
It doesn’t take long before Buck can see Eddie walking towards the table to place a couple plates down before going back to grab the last two. That’s when he gathers the kids, getting them ready to eat.
Since the kids had more screen time today than usual because of Buck’s inability to get up for too long, they decide to play a board game instead after they eat. They settle on snakes and ladders. Buck helps Marina with each of her turns, because she doesn’t fully understand how the game works, but she’s clearly having fun.
They all are.
The table is filled with laughter and chatter. It’s the sort of domestic spending time as a family that he never really got to experience himself as a child, and it’s great, as it turns out. Buck loves it, being able to have these experiences now, and being able to provide this for his own daughter, as simple as it is.
Though, it does make his heart ache for the younger version of himself that had to sit alone in his room most evenings because he didn’t want to see the look in his parents eyes. The one that clearly conveyed how disinterested they were in him.
But since it’s Sunday, a school night, they can’t keep Chris up too late. Plus, Eddie and Buck have to work early so it’d be nice to get some sleep themselves. So game night comes to an end far sooner than any of them really want it to.
Honestly, Buck was expecting Eddie to take Chris home, but instead, he just made sure he got ready for bed as Buck tucked Marina in for the night.
After reading her a bedtime story from one of the many children’s books he now owns, he leans down, leaving a goodnight kiss on her forehead.
“Love you, Marina. Sweet dreams.”
Getting up, he switches off the light and steps out, making sure to leave the door open a crack because she doesn’t like when it’s fully closed. And when he makes his way to his own room, he’s greeted by a shirtless Eddie rummaging through Buck’s closet for a spare shirt.
It’s not like this is the first, or the even hundredth, time he’s seen Eddie shirtless, but he finds himself freezing in the doorway, just staring. Internally, he’s blaming it on not expecting the sight.
“You like what you see?” Eddie jokingly asks, giving Buck a teasing smirk.
“Huh?” Buck hums before snapping his attention back out of his mind. “Oh. Uh, I-I was, uh, just thinking about something. Got lost in my head I guess.” He gives Eddie an awkward chuckle before turning away to go plug his phone in. Mostly just to avoid looking at Eddie right now.
“Oh, yeah? Thinking about the lie you told me the other day?” Eddie goes for casual, playful even, but something tells Buck that there’s more to it. Like Eddie wants to really dig into it.
Buck doesn’t know what he’s talking about though.
“Hmm?”
“Maddie’s message to you,” Eddie explains, but Buck still doesn’t see what his parents coming into town have to do with any of this. He hasn’t exactly lied about his parents to Eddie, he doesn’t think. Since he must have a puzzled expression on his face, Eddie clarifies, “Maddie said you should meet up before they come. She wouldn’t say that if you already had plans with her.”
Oh.
Okay, yeah, that lie.
“How come you don’t want to go to the beach with us?” Eddie wonders, voice conveying curiosity.
Still avoiding looking at shirtless Eddie with his abs looking all too… Buck doesn’t want to finish that though. It feels like it’s going too far into some sort of no-go territory. Still avoiding looking at him, he steps around to grab a shirt for himself before shrugging. “Well, I didn’t have plans with Maddie yet, sure. But I was planning on asking her to do something.”
Sparing a quick glance, Buck sees Eddie giving him an unconvinced look.
Fine, if that didn’t work, he’ll try, “I was planning on going out shopping for supplies for Marina’s party next week.”
“No you weren’t,” Eddie says matter of factly. “We’re doing that together. We already planned that. Remember?”
Yeah, okay. He sort of forgot about that for a moment. In his defence, he’s sort of preoccupied trying to come up with a lie to cover up another lie.
“Seriously–” He steps closer to Buck, putting his hands onto Buck’s shoulders. It displays his biceps incredibly well, and Buck doesn’t understand why his brain is so focused on them right now. “Buck, just talk to me. Is something going on?” He questions, and Buck avoids his gaze, half because he doesn’t want to admit he’s afraid to go to the beach, half because his mind won’t shut up about how good Eddie looks standing shirtless in front of him.
There’s a moment where Buck can just feel the way Eddie is staring at him, trying to read what he’s thinking. Eventually it must click, because he gives an understanding hum before making an observation.
“You’re scared to go?” Buck doesn’t answer, just subconsciously bites his bottom lip. “Buck, you can’t just avoid the beach forever. Come with us. We can go another day now that you actually have plans with Maddie. But you should come.”
“Eddie–” Buck finally looks up at him, pleading with his eyes for him to just drop it.
“No. Do you really want to show your daughter that the beach is something to be scared of?” Eddie is using his daughter as a tactic to get him to give in. It won’t work though.
“Trust me, that girl is not scared of the ocean,” Buck points out. “Besides, I’m letting her go with you. You can show her. I don’t need to be there.”
Stepping away from Eddie now, he turns around to pull off his shirt, replacing it with a clean one. He then swaps his pants for some sweats.
Meanwhile, Eddie is just standing there, patient. But once Buck has his dirty clothes tossed into the laundry basket, he continues.
“I don’t entirely understand what you went through that day, but you shouldn’t let it ruin the beach for you forever. You told me how much you’ve always loved being by the ocean. Besides, you didn’t hesitate to jump back into work, even after the ladder truck crushed you,” Eddie points out.
“But that’s different.” Buck is now sitting on the edge of the foot of the bed. Eddie moves to sit beside him.
“How?”
“Because it was just me who got hurt that time,” Buck explains.
Eddie sighs, running his hands down his face. “I hate when you do that,” he says.
“Do what?” Buck gives him an inquisitive look.
“Talk about yourself like you don’t matter, like it’s fine that you got hurt because it’s just you. Buck, do you have any idea how devastated I was when you got hurt that day?” Eddie asks pointedly.
Buck shakes his head, because honestly he doesn’t. They never really talked much about how they felt about it. Honestly, the whole ladder truck incident was sort of a taboo topic it seemed. But Buck always chalked it up to how Eddie had just lost his wife. He had more pressing things to be worried about.
“Buck, the fear I felt seeing you laying there on the ground, trapped… I was terrified. I just lost one person important to me, and I– Even though I’m really not religious anymore, I prayed. I prayed because I could not handle losing you too. Buck, people love you, people care about you, you matter. Please tell me you know that?” Eddie begs.
“I–” He pauses for a second. In theory, of course he knows that. But he just isn’t sure he accepts it fully. It’s hard to imagine that he actually does have a place in people's lives now, because for so long, it was just him trying to make it through each day on his own. “I’m trying to. It’s just kind of hard to erase twenty or so years of memories of simply not being enough by being… well, me.”
“And I’ll always hate your parents for making you feel like that,” Eddie says.
Scoffing, Buck states, “You don’t even know anything about my parents.”
“I can read between the lines enough to know they weren’t what you deserved.” Eddie’s voice is soft and caring, and Buck sort of just wants him to hold him right now. That’s not really something they do though. Although, they did this morning. “So, how are you feeling about them coming? Besides the obvious dread.”
“Honestly, I don’t know,” Buck admits. “I haven’t really seen them in years. We’ve hardly spoken. A part of me wants to shield Marina from them, even though they aren’t bad people.”
“Just bad parents?” Eddie supplies, getting a nod in response from Buck. “I get it though. Sometimes I wish I could’ve kept Chris away from my parents. I trust them with Chris, of course. It’s just… I think they only see the ways I’m failing him, and not the ways I’m doing good by him. I guess I just don’t want to have to be on the receiving end of their judgement. Chris adores them though.”
“So, basically, what I’m getting from that, is that you think I should push aside my shit with my parents so that Marina can have a relationship with them?” Buck concludes.
“Obviously I don’t know your parents. So I don’t fully get your reasons to maybe not, but if you think they could possibly be a positive thing in her life, maybe you should let them. Being a parent definitely has lots of moments where you have to push your own shit aside for the sake of what’s best for your kid.”
Buck sighs, knowing full well that Eddie is right. As much as he hates to admit it, his parents would probably adore Marina. Keeping them away from her would one hundred percent be because of selfish reasons.
Besides, like Maddie said, at least they live on the opposite end of the country. So at least he won’t have to deal with them often in either regard.
“Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“Great. Glad we established that,” Eddie voices with a smirk. “Now can we circle back to the beach thing?”
That gets a groan out of Buck. He was sort of definitely hoping that the drift from that topic was far more permanent than it’s appearing to be.
“I don’t see why it’s such a big deal? It’s not like I went to the beach much anymore anyways,” Buck huffs out.
“I’m refusing to let Chris be scared of the water, and I refuse to let you be either.” Eddie’s voice is firm as he speaks. “Buck, what if we have a call at the beach one day? What then? Are you just going to cower in the truck?”
“Obviously I’d do my job,” Buck claims, shaking his head at Eddie in annoyance.
“What if the fear gets too bad and you can’t help it, you just freeze?” Eddie continues. “Buck, you’re a practically fearless man–”
Cutting Eddie off, Buck chimes in with, “Exactly! So why am I not allowed this one fear.”
“I’m pretty sure your daughter was a mermaid in her past life, and she’s going to want to go to the beach a lot, without a doubt. Are you just planning on making me take her for the rest of her life?”
No, he thinks. He knows other people. They can take her too.
Eddie must be reading his thoughts, because he gives him a disapproving look.
“Okay, so what exactly is it that you’re afraid of?” Eddie questions. “Because you…” He trails off as something must be clicking inside his mind. “You’re not afraid for yourself, but you're afraid for others?” He guesses. “Because you weren’t alone, Chris was with you.”
“What if I lose one of them again?” He sounds utterly helpless and afraid of the idea of that happening. “Do you know how many children have died in the ocean? Lots. What if–”
Before Buck could spiral into a pit of questions and concerning facts, Eddie cut him off. “But you’re okay with me taking the kids to the beach anyways?” He sounds confused.
“I trust you.”
There’s a momentary pause where Buck could feel Eddie still beside him. Then when Buck takes a glance at him, he sees him lost in thought, as if trying to come up with the right thing to say.
“I think you need to give yourself more credit,” Eddie settles on. “Without you there, Chris–” Eddie shakes his head at the thought, not wanting to say it out loud. He pushes through though. “He could’ve died. But you saved him. And I just know that if it happened a million times over with either kid, you’d fight just as hard every single time.”
“I sure hope it doesn’t happen a million times over,” Buck jokes, letting out a forced laugh, trying to make this feel less serious and dark.
“Me neither, obviously,” Eddie scoffs. Then another pause, followed by, “How about this? We start just the two of us. Me and you can have a picnic at the beach, no children to worry over. Then we go from there.”
“Kind of sounds like you’re asking me out on a date,” Buck observes with a smirk.
After letting out a surprised chuckle, Eddie fondly shakes his head at him. “You’re ridiculous. I’m just trying to help you out here.” Buck laughs in response. “So, do we have a deal?”
It’s Eddie, of course Buck was going to agree in the end.
“Deal.”
Notes:
I'm going to try and stick to posting on tuesdays and fridays from now on because i really do want to finish this fic. if i had to take a wild guess as to the total ch count i'd say 35 rn but who knows tbh cuz i never pace them like i think i will. i am currently writing ch twenty five tho (which is the well collapse ;) ). it's sort of hard pacing it out in a way that seems more realistic to buddie because as much as i'd like to write them getting together right away, they wouldn't. they'd need something even bigger to get their heads on straight and i think i have a reasonable storyline planned out that'll get them there. the second half of the fic is more focused on buddie rather than the kids, but they're still there in every chapter of course, but i needed to sideline them a bit to tell buddie's story. for now, it's still very kid centric for the next few chapters.
this chapter was a result of me once again delaying writing in buck's parents and also me dealing with leg pain and projecting it more severely onto buck lol. next chapter does have the buckley's though unfortunately. of course it ends with more domestic buddie tho :)))
Also I did decide to make Buck afraid of the ocean simply to have an excuse to write them going on 'platonic' picnic dates lol
see y'all on friday!
Chapter 15
Summary:
Maddie and Chimney host a family dinner with the Buckley parents being in town and Buck and Marina make an appearance
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Eddie asks, once again offering Buck the extra support for his dinner with his parents.
Shaking his head, Buck rejects the offer. Even though the thought of having to do this without him by his side makes it a hundred times more daunting. It’d be weird though, bringing his best friend to family dinner, he thinks, despite Eddie feeling far more like family than his parents do.
“No. It’ll be alright. I’ll have Maddie. You and Chris should enjoy your evening.”
Eddie gives him a look, like he’s trying to read any secret messages Buck might be giving him. And Buck’s just hoping the internal begging for him to join anyways isn’t visible to him.
Biting his lip, like he’s actively trying to stop himself from saying something, Eddie gives in. “Okay. We still on for tomorrow?”
They’re planning on doing Marina’s birthday shopping tomorrow. And of course Buck isn’t going to back out of that, so he confirms so with Eddie. “Yeah. I’ll head over after I drop Marina off at Bobby and Athena’s.”
With that, Buck seeks out Marina, going straight to Chris’ room, because that’s her favorite place to hang out when she’s at Eddie’s. That’s because she’s about as clingy as possible to the kid she sees as an older brother.
“Ready to go, Mareenie?” He calls out as he steps into the room. Chris and her are currently filling in a page in a colouring book right now.
Looking up at her dad, Marina shakes her head. “Wanna stay.”
Me too, Buck thinks to himself.
“I know, but aren’t you excited to see Auntie Maddie?” That’s his best tactic to make this go easily. Otherwise she’s going to get mad at him for taking her away from her fun.
“Can Chris come?” She asks, and the way she says Chris’ name is endearing to Buck. The ‘R’ sounds much more like a ‘W’.
“No, sorry. Not this time,” Buck apologies, speaking softly and as patient as he can. Which is a fair amount right now, because he’s okay with any delay in getting to the dinner Maddie and his parents set up.
“Why?”
Well, he can’t exactly say it’s because it’s a family dinner, because that’d make no sense. Chris is family to her. To both of them really.
“‘Cause I need him to stay and help me with something,” Eddie chimes in, saving Buck from having to be the bad guy. Buck shoots him an appreciative look. “I’ll bring him over to your guys’ place soon so you can play. Promise.”
After Eddie links his pinky with hers at Marina's request, she finally agrees, getting up off of the floor the kids were sitting on.
With a slightly shaky hand, Buck knocks three times on Maddie and Chimney’s door. He’s got Marina on his left hip, her snuggled up against him, content. As he’s readjusting her slightly, Maddie opens up the door with a smile.
“Hi, Marina. I’ve missed you,” she coos, reaching out to take her from him. Buck lets her.
With a playful scoff, Buck says, “Nothing for your only brother? Not even a hello?”
Maddie waves a hand, brushing him off as he steps further in. “I saw you two days ago. It’s been too long since I’ve seen her.”
Shutting the door, Buck chuckles. Then he points out, “You saw her three days ago when you picked her up from daycare.”
“And that’s such a long time, isn’t it?” She says that to Marina, voice playful and the sort of tone you’d use to talk to a toddler. Marina, not knowing any better, agrees with Maddie with a head nod.
Walking into the room, Chimney immediately approaches Maddie and Marina. “I see that my favorite almost-three year old is here.” As he ruffled her hair, Marina let out a giggle, hiding her face in Maddie’s shoulder.
“Okay, you two are supposed to leave the treating me like I’m a ghost to my parents,” Buck jokes, forcing out a chuckle.
“You’re not a ghost, Buck,” Chimney counters. “Just not as cute as this little one.”
“Can’t argue with you there,” Buck agrees. “So, uh, when’s Mom and Dad coming?” Buck asks, directed towards Maddie. “Kinda thought they’d already be here.”
“They’re on their way,” Maddie informs. “They’re just not used to LA traffic, so they didn’t account for that in their plans.”
Shout out to the citizens of LA for delaying their arrival. Buck only agreed to stay until seven at the latest, so this is just cutting into the allotted time, and Buck is more than grateful for that. Probably the only time he’ll be grateful for the traffic in LA.
Unfortunately though, the time before they did arrive wasn’t too long after that conversation. But at least it was long enough for Maddie and Chimney’s presence to calm him down some before he has to deal with his parents.
Maddie was the one who opened the door for them. Buck, in the meantime, is helping Marina play with the building blocks Maddie has for her. She’s trying to make it as tall as possible, but it keeps falling over, because she doesn’t have a great grasp on how to properly balance them.
As they play in the living room, he’s trying to pretend this is all casual, like this dinner isn’t making his heart rate skyrocket into probably concerning numbers. He isn’t too sure it’s going well though, because as Maddie greets their parents, Chimney whispers to him, “You alright?”
“Uh, yeah.” He wipes his sweaty hands on his pants. “Great. I am great.”
Before Chimney could pry a little more, Buck hears his mother let out a startled surprised noise. Which was then followed by, “And who might this be?” She’s pointing to Marina, but looking to Maddie for an answer.
However, despite that, Buck is the one who replies to her. “This is, uh– This is Marina. M-My daughter.” Then turning to Marina, he says, “Marina, this is my mom and dad. Your grandparents.”
Marina looks at them wearily for a moment, unsure about them, tucking herself against Buck’s leg from where she’s sitting on the ground.
“ Your daughter?” His mom says, looking taken aback by that fact. Buck nods in confirmation. Quickly moving past that, she turns to Marina. “Aren’t you just the most adorable little girl? I love you so much already. If I had known you’d be here, I’d have made sure to bring a gift. A good grandma always comes with a gift.” She sends a disapproving glare towards Buck. “Next time I’ll bring two, sweetie.” She smiles at Marina.
That seems to make Marina warm up to her a little bit. She’s less glued to Buck now, and Buck sort of wishes she’d stay, because it was also comforting to him.
Buck, however, is mostly stuck focusing on how his mom has known Marina all of thirty seconds and already said I love you to her, but hasn’t even bothered to say hello to him, and he’s been her son for almost three decades.
“Would anybody like any drinks?” Chimney offers. Buck gives him a look that says a bottle of vodka please, but he ends up just asking for a soda, because he has to drive home after. His parents both request a glass of wine, and Chimney knows Maddie well enough that he already knows what to get her.
While Chimney gets the drinks, their dad asks, “So, anything new with you two?”
Buck scoffs. “You mean in the last, like, decade?”
Immediately after he said that, he felt bad. Maddie and him both promised to keep things as civil as possible.
“Buck, you shouldn’t speak to your father like that. If you wanted to keep in touch, you could have called,” his mom states, and Buck has to take a deep breath to stop himself from reacting too fast so that he doesn’t say something he’d regret.
“Well, uh, other than Marina, no. Not much is new,” he settles on saying. He could go into talking about how he’s back at work now, about his new house, about probably a million different things, but he just doesn’t think any of that would matter to them.
Chimney walks back over, carrying the wine for Margaret and Phillip. They give Chimney polite thanks. Then Chimney is quick to make his way over with drinks for Maddie, Buck, and himself.
“Well, Buck, how come you didn’t bring the missus?” His mom asks, surprising Buck enough that he starts choking on his drink slightly.
Coughing slightly still, Buck informs, “‘Cause I don’t have a ‘missus’.”
“Then who are you raising your daughter with?” She gives him an almost concerned look, like she can’t possibly picture him being able to raise Marina on his own. The exact type of thing he was expecting from her.
A part of him wants to say Eddie , but it’s kind of complicated, and he doesn’t want to get into it with them. So he doesn’t say anything at all, hoping someone else saves him.
“ Mom ,” Maddie scolds, jumping in, because she’s great at knowing what he needs. “He’s doing great on his own. He doesn’t need someone else.”
“Oh, yeah,” Chimney agrees. “Genuinely impressed by how good of a father he’s become so quickly.” It’s sort of rare to receive a compliment from Chimney, so it makes Buck feel immensely good about himself when he does. “You love your dad don’t you?” He directs that to Marina, nudging her slightly. She smiles wide as she nods.
“Mhm. I love Daddy dis much.” She opens her arms as wide as they go.
“Wow, that’s crazy, because I love you that much too. Times infinity even,” Buck replies, picking her up off the floor and settling her on his lap, wanting to hold her close right now. Sort of like he’s using her as a shield against his parents.
“Well, your grandma loves you too, sweet pea,” Buck’s mom chimes in.
“Your grandpa too, of course,” Buck’s dad adds.
Buck swears he can feel his blood boiling. He feels a little guilty about it though. Mainly because his reason being is that he’s sort of pissed at his parents for so easily being able to say they love Marina. And he should never be mad at someone for loving the best little girl on the planet.
It’s just… Why is it so hard for them to say it to him?
It does make him feel good that Marina didn’t say it back, just moved to hug Buck instead. He squeezes her a little tighter for a second in response.
“So, what about you two? Are you guys thinking about adding a little one to your family?” Margaret asks Maddie and Chimney.
“We’re not sure yet,” Chimney answers. “It’s a big decision, and we want to be sure.”
“Well, given Maddie’s age, it’s probably best you don’t wait too long,” she says judgingly, but with a grin on her face anyways.
“Nothing wrong with waiting for the right time with the right person, Mom,” Buck defends.
“And is that what you did?” It comes out accusatory. Once again, Buck has to take a deep breath to hold in his thoughts, because he doesn’t want his daughter hearing all that.
“How about I get dinner started,” Chimney cuts in, trying to redirect the attention to literally anything else. It’s all pre-made, but Chimney will have to heat it up and dish it out.
“That sounds great, Howard,” Buck’s dad agrees. “I’m starving.”
Buck gives Chimney a confused look, wondering why his dad just called him Howard. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard anyone other than maybe someone higher up at work call him that. He just shrugs, and Buck gets that he just doesn’t want to explain in front of them. He’ll get the answer later.
The conversation doesn’t really get any better from there, but it is mostly directed at Maddie instead of him, and that makes it easier. Now he can just focus on Marina, just chiming in when he wants to defend Maddie.
Just as Buck can hear Chimney opening the oven to bring the food out, his mom says it to Marina again. I love you . And call him selfish, but he’s sort of fucking pissed at this point. It almost feels like she’s doing this on purpose. Like hey, I love her, because she’s not you.
After standing up, Buck sets Marina down on the couch, passing over her shark stuffie and ruffling her hair to get a giggle out of her before walking out of the room. He just needs a moment. In his peripheral, he can see Chimney give him a questioning look as he passes the kitchen. He just keeps walking straight to their bedroom, closing the door behind himself.
Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Buck lets out a sigh.
Out of all the things he thought his parents would upset him with, he didn’t think it’d be this. And honestly, he feels ridiculous that this is bothering him so much. Of course they’d love Marina, who wouldn’t? Frankly he’d be a hundred times more upset if they didn’t. He simply just wished they loved him too. And he feels a little ridiculous for caring so much, but they’re his parents, it’s hard not to.
A soft knock lands on the door.
“Hmm?” Buck hums, sort of hoping that whoever is on the other side just walks away.
They don’t. The door creaks open, but at least it’s just Maddie making her way into the room, sitting down next to him.
“Everything alright?” She is speaking softly.
Nodding, Buck assures, “Yeah. Just needed a minute.”
“I get it. Mom and Dad can be a lot.” Buck hums in agreement. “I’ll leave you be then, but if you need me, let me know.” She leaves a kiss just above his eyebrow, right where he knows his birthmark is. Then she gets up, and leaves him in the calming quiet of the room.
He takes her absence to just lay back and stare at the ceiling, enjoying these passing moments where he’s not out there with his parents.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t last long, not when his mom decides to barge into the room.
“What are you doing in here, Evan?” She asks, and while Buck sort of doesn’t like being called Evan anymore, he’s kind of glad that she doesn’t use Buck. That way she won’t tarnish the name he’s chosen for himself. The one that separates him from his past that he’s glad he’s not stuck in anymore. “We come all this way to visit, and you can’t be bothered to spend time with us?”
“I was just about to head back out,” Buck lies. Honestly, he was going to hide in here as long as he could.
“I hope you don’t make a habit of just leaving your daughter alone,” she scolds, and Buck is suddenly ten times more pissed off than he was a few seconds ago.
“I don’t have to watch her every second of every day. Especially when there are four adults still in the room with her. I assure you, she’s fine,” Buck argues, voice harsh but quiet to keep others outside this room from hearing.
She smacks her lips together in clear disappointment, followed by a dramatic sigh. “I don’t see what’s got you so—” She waves her hand around as she tries to find the end of that sentence. “Upset.”
Buck scoffs, letting out a breath of a chuckle in amusement at how clueless she can be. “You. You guys are what’s making me upset,” he says with exasperation in his voice.
That’s exactly when his dad decides to make an appearance. “And what exactly have we done wrong?” He looks genuinely confused, like he somehow missed out on the fact that they’re both kind of shitty parents.
Buck runs his hands down his face in frustration, then, with his voice quiet and frail, he asks, “Why don’t you love me?”
His mom immediately scoffs at him. “Evan, stop trying to cause a scene.”
“I’m not!” Buck snaps.
That brings a dramatic eye roll to his mom as his dad says, “You’re not exactly not causing a scene. We just came here to enjoy dinner and spend time with our kids.”
“And what exactly suddenly made you remember I even exist?” Buck questions pointedly. “It’s not like you’ve bothered to come visit before. Not when I was in the hospital, not when Maddie had just been kidnapped, not ever. Hell, you didn’t even bother calling when I nearly died three times.”
“Evan, you know I hate hospitals,” his mom reminds.
“So?”
Because if you love your kid enough, you’d do anything for them, to make sure they feel cared for when they’re at their best and also their worst.
“Give your mom a break. It’s not easy seeing your kid in the hospital,” his dad claims.
“But if you loved me, you would have done it anyways,” Buck points out. “I’d drop everything and run to Marina if she was sick or hurt, or just simply needed me, no matter the cost to me. So why is it so hard for you?”
“You– You never made it easy for me!” His mom snaps.
“I shouldn’t have had to,” Buck says, voice a little desperate. “You have no problems telling my daughter you love her in one hour more times than I’ve heard in the last decade. What about me is so wrong that you can’t love me? Why am I not good enough? Why–” He pauses when he realises tears are starting to form, one falling down his cheek. He brushes it away and tries to compose himself.
That is when he notices Maddie standing in the doorway with Marina on her hip. He walks up to her, giving her a smile.
“Eddie just messaged me, asking if we wanted to come back over. How does that sound?” He asks his daughter. She perks up at that, excited at the idea of getting to hang out with Chris again. Maddie gives him an apologetic look, like she’s feeling guilty over their parents behaviour when there’s nothing she could do about it.
Of course Eddie hadn’t messaged him, but Buck can’t stay here any longer. Plus, he just sort of needs the comfort of Eddie’s presence right now.
“But you haven’t even had dinner yet,” his mom complains.
“That’s fine. Eddie has food,” Buck assures, walking out of the room once he’s taken Marina from Maddie. He walks straight towards the door, only turning around to say goodbye to both Maddie and Chimney.
As he steps out, Maddie follows him into the hallway for a moment. “I’m sorry, Buck. But, for the record, there is nothing wrong with you. You are one of the greatest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Anyone who doesn’t see that, doesn’t love you for that, is a fool. Mom and Dad, they have been not great to you, to both of us, and you never deserved it. I hope you know that.”
“Thanks, Mads,” Buck appreciates, pulling her into a side hug for a moment. Then before he leaves, he says goodbye once more.
Showing up to Eddie’s place, Buck doesn’t even bother with knocking, just uses his key to let themselves in.
When Eddie sees him, he gives them a smile. “Perfect timing. Our food just arrived,” he says, holding up a bag of takeout food.
Giving Eddie a questioning look, Buck says, “But I didn’t even tell you we were coming?”
“I know. Just figured this dinner might not go as planned, and got extra just in case,” Eddie explains, and Buck feels a fluttery feeling in his stomach at the gesture. Especially when he notices that he got food from his favorite Thai restaurant. “So, sit down and let me dish you guys a plate.”
Eddie then steps away, probably to go grab Chris, Buck assumes, as Buck gets Marina settled on one of the chairs. The one specifically designated for her at Eddie’s place. A booster seat has been permanently fixated onto it since Eddie found out about Marina, so that she can properly reach her food.
When she spots Chris, she gives him an excited wave. “We back!”
“Cool. We can finish our colouring after dinner then,” Chris suggests with a wide grin as he takes the seat next to her.
Once Eddie has set out plates for all of them, they start digging into their meal. Marina, as usual, makes a huge mess of her food, to the point where he’s sort of impressed. Maybe he should work on teaching her how to be less messy, because he’s not sure toddlers her age are usually still this messy. But at the same time, she’s young, she’ll figure it out eventually.
Buck enjoys every bite of his food, especially because he’s eating with his favorite people, and not his parents. And because he can really tell that Eddie had this prepared for him simply out of love. Because he’s not too much, or not enough for Eddie. Eddie loves him anyway.
Buck feels lucky to have a best friend like him.
After dinner, the kids run off to continue what they were doing before Buck and Marina left in the first place. Buck helps Eddie with the dishes though.
Or, at least he intended too.
Instead, he got a little distracted as he walked into the kitchen. Which isn’t difficult for him, because it doesn’t take much to pull his attention from his main task. Walking in, he sees an open envelope on Eddie’s counter. Curious, he picks it up to investigate.
“You going through my mail?” Eddie asks, trying to take it away from him, but Buck dodges him, pulling out the paper from inside. In response, Eddie flicks some water off of his wet hands at him.
“Hey!” Buck complains.
“Maybe don’t go through my mail then,” Eddie suggests.
“Why? Got something to hide?” Buck pries, wondering.
“No,” Eddie assures. “That’s just a notice from my landlord about rent increase.”
Oh. Boring. Still, he opens it, kind of curious about how much Eddie pays for this place. When he reads the amount his jaw drops in surprise. “Dude, you’re getting scammed. This is too much.”
Eddie rips the paper from him. “I’m not getting scammed. LA is just expensive.”
“Yeah, but not this expensive,” Buck points out. He has a bigger place than Eddie and he doesn’t pay nearly that much. Then again, he knows his place is oddly cheap. When he saw it listed online, his first thought was that it was a scam.
Evidently, it was not.
“And how much is your three bedroom costing you, Buck?” Eddie prompts, and Buck thinks Eddie is trying to prove a point. He doesn’t know he’s failing though.
“Not this much.” He points to the paper in Eddie’s hands. Then, without thinking, he says, “Can you imagine how much money we’d save if we just lived together?”
For a moment, Eddie just stands there blinking at him. Then, “Would you actually consider it?” The way he says it is sort of shy and unsure.
“Oh, uh…” He wasn’t suggesting it, but now that the idea is out there. “I mean… I wouldn’t mind it. Plus, the kids would love getting to live together, I think. So… maybe, yeah.” Then, because he wants to know Eddie’s thoughts on the matter, “Would you?”
“We’ve already sort of committed to co-parenting the kids together, so it might be, y’know, a reasonable thing to do,” Eddie says. “For the kids.”
“Yeah. For the kids,” Buck agrees, though a part of him just wants it because the idea of waking up next to Eddie every morning sounds like heaven to him. “And for our bank accounts.”
“Are we actually doing this? Or is this just hypothetical?” Eddie asks.
“It’s practical,” Buck says. “I don’t see why we shouldn’t. Think about how much more we could provide for the kids if we are sharing the cost of rent.”
Internally, he’s sort of wanting to beg Eddie to go through with it. Even though a few minutes ago the idea had not really crossed his mind, now that it has, he doesn’t want Eddie living somewhere else any longer.
“Okay, well, I guess I’ll have to message my landlord and let her know that I won’t be renewing my lease,” Eddie concludes.
“Okay, uh, good.” Buck can’t suppress the smile forming on his face. Eddie just smiles back before turning his attention back to the dishes. Buck finally starts to help. “So, I guess it’s a good thing I read your mail then, huh?”
That made Buck the receiver of a glare coming from Eddie. He just chuckles in response as he starts drying a plate.
—
They’ve just finished buying gifts and decorations for Marina’s birthday next week, and now they’re about to head out somewhere for a late lunch. Eddie, however, won’t tell him where they’re going.
“Are you secretly kidnapping me? Has this been your plan all along?” Buck hums, amused, but also confused.
From where he’s sitting in the passenger seat, Buck can see Eddie fondly roll his eyes at him.
It’s as they’re getting closer that Buck notices where they are and where they’re headed. “Eddie…”
“Buck…”
“C’mon, we were having a nice day,” he complains. He doesn’t want to ruin it by going to the damn beach. Because clearly that’s where Eddie is taking him. He remembers driving this route to take Chris to the pier that day.
“And our day will continue being nice,” Eddie assures. “I promise the ocean isn’t out to get you.” There’s a pause. “This time,” he adds with a smirk that Buck would normally find endearing. Right now though, Buck sort of wants to open the car door of this moving vehicle and jump out.
Maybe his fear has sort of gotten worse than he realised.
“Let’s just eat the food I brought, then we can go,” Eddie says, sounding sort of like a promise. “Baby steps.”
Buck huffs out another complaint under his breath, but doesn’t argue it any further, just lets Eddie find a parking spot. And once he does, Buck watches as Eddie gets out and pulls out a picnic basket from his trunk that Buck somehow missed when loading their purchases in there earlier.
Begrudgingly, Buck follows Eddie towards the sandy landscape that leads towards the ocean that he used to love so much. Before it tried taking the sweetest little boy away from him.
The two of them find a spot, not that there wasn’t plenty of space just about anywhere considering that it’s the very end of November, and Eddie lays down a blanket for them to sit on. It’s nowhere near the water, but the proximity still feels too close. He sits down anyway. He can’t help it, not when Eddie gives him pleading eyes.
“I–” Eddie reaches into the basket. “Brought us something to drink.” He pulls out two plastic wine glasses, and a bottle of wine.
“You brought wine?” Buck asks, giving Eddie an inquisitive expression.
“Figured some alcohol would help relax you a little,” Eddie explains. “And since I knew we’d be shopping beforehand, I knew I couldn’t bring beer, ‘cause it’d be warm by now. So, wine.” He holds up the bottle to emphasise his point before pouring some in a glass to give to Buck.
The fact that drinking in public is sort of illegal doesn’t cross Buck’s mind, not when he feels his heart warm at the effort Eddie is putting in to make him feel more comfortable.
Taking the glass from Eddie, Buck asks, “And what’s for lunch then?”
He takes a sip. It’s good. Looking at the bottle, Buck sees that it’s a nicer brand, something that you’d probably usually buy to impress a date. If Eddie were a girl, Buck is pretty sure he’d assume this was a date.
Pulling out what Buck can see are sandwiches, Eddie says, “I remember you saying that Maddie used to make you these when you were a kid, and how much you liked them.”
As Buck takes the sandwich Eddie is passing to him, he inspects it, seeing that it’s got bananas and peanut butter. And yeah, Maddie used to make these types of sandwiches for him when he was younger.
He remembers the first time she did. He was home sick with a nasty cold, and his parents almost seemed like they couldn’t stand the sight of him whenever he was ill. So Maddie was the one who took it upon herself to take care of him. He was beyond appreciative of that, because he’s pretty sure the way his parents avoided him when he was sick felt ten times worse than whatever he had.
So, when Maddie walked into his room with some orange juice and a plateful of banana peanut butter sandwiches, Buck instantly felt better. Almost like he wasn’t sick in the first place. To him, those sandwiches felt like magic, like love. That’s the real reason he liked them so much.
“That’s… actually really thoughtful,” Buck appreciates. “Thank you.” He can’t help the blush that rises to his cheeks at the feeling of being so clearly cared about by Eddie.
“Is it working?” Eddie wonders, and Buck gives him a confused look, so he clarifies, “Still feel like the ocean is out to get you?”
That gets a small chuckle out of Buck. “A little. But, honestly, I think the wine and sandwiches are helping a ton.” Then quietly, almost as if it’s a confession of some sorts that he doesn't want to let out, he adds, “And you.”
Because truth be told, no matter where he is, he feels safe with Eddie. Whether that be in the midst of a burning building, scaling down the side of a cliff, or apparently, at the beach.
Yeah, sure, there’s an itching urge to get up, steal Eddie’s keys and go back home, but here, next to Eddie, he knows that no matter what, he’ll be fine.
Buck thinks he can see a hint of blush to match his own on Eddie’s cheeks as he says, “Good, I’m glad my master plan is working.” He gives Buck a smirk. Then, changing the topic, he says, “Talked to my landlord by the way. Looks like I’ll be starting the new year in a new house.”
“H-Have you talked to Chris about it yet? Is he on board?” As much as Buck loves the idea of getting to live with Eddie and Chris, he doesn’t want Chris to be not okay with it or anything.
“Oh, yeah, he’s definitely on board,” Eddie assures with a chuckle. “In fact, he’s quite bummed out that we have to wait another month.”
“That’s exactly why I haven’t told Marina yet,” Buck explains. “I just know she’d be asking me everyday when you guys were going to move in. She’d be so impatient. It’d be adorable though. But maybe just the first few times.” Both Eddie and Buck laugh a little at that.
Their conversation goes on from there, switching between topics from time to time. At one point, Buck is pretty sure he spent thirty minutes telling Eddie the history of bananas, probably brought to his mind because of the sandwiches. Eddie just listened with rapt attention, despite the fact that Buck is pretty sure Eddie doesn’t actually care about bananas that much at all.
It’s when Eddie is telling Buck a story from when he was training at the academy that Buck’s phone starts ringing. Picking it up, seeing that it’s Bobby, he answers. Though he’s a little worried that something happened, because why else would he be calling?
“Bobby, is everything alright?”
Eddie gives him a concerned look.
“ Yes, everything is fine, ” Bobby assures, and Buck mouths it back to Eddie. “ It’s just nearly an hour past when you said you’d be back, so I’m just checking in.” That’s when Buck pulls his phone away to check the time.
Surprised, he says, “I didn’t realise the time. We’ll be there soon.”
“ No rush. Just wanted to make sure everything was okay. I can watch her as long as you need,” Bobby tells him.
“Thanks again, Bobby. See you in a bit,” he says before hanging up. Turning to Eddie he scowls at him. “How’d you manage to distract me this well? I could have sworn we’ve only been here for, like, an hour tops. But, evidently, it’s been a lot longer than that.”
“That’s because the ocean is actually usually pretty calming and relaxing, and I’ve just reminded you of that.
“I don’t think the ocean’s what calmed me,” Buck argues.
“So, do you think you’d be able to join the kids and I next week for our weekly beach picnic?” Eddie prompts, giving him a hopeful glint.
Shaking his head, Buck says, “I don’t think I’m quite ready for that. I’m pretty sure the only reason I made it through this was because I could solely focus on you. If I was worrying about the kids too… I don’t know.”
“That’s fine. We’ll just keep doing this just you and I for now then,” Eddie offers. “I’m willing to put in the work to make sure my two favorite boys are no longer scared of the ocean. Although, with how excited Marina was the other day when I took them– I’m pretty sure she’s going to be a leading cause in why Chris re-learns his love for the ocean too.”
“Yeah, it’s sort of hard not to love something that Marina loves so much, huh?” He glances out towards the water, seeing the calm waves crash down on the sand repeatedly. Maybe come summer he’ll be ready to take her into the water.
As they were about to start packing up, Eddie stops Buck. “The sun is starting to go down, why don’t we stay a bit longer? Watch the sunset?” He suggests. “Marina is safe with Bobby, and Chris is with Carla, so…?”
Sitting back down, Buck jokes, “Wine and a sunset viewing, you really know how to make a man swoon.”
“Maybe I was meant to be gay and then something went wrong in production and made it so I like women but am great with men instead,” Eddie jokes back. Both of them burst into laughter.
“Imagine how great it’d be to be gay. We could just date each other and raise our kids together,” Buck ponders out loud.
“I feel like we’re sort of already raising our children together,” Eddie points out.
“Yeah, but we don’t get to have sex together, though,” Buck complains.
With a teasing smirk, Eddie says, “I didn’t know you’ve been wanting to sleep with me so badly.”
Buck picks up an empty sandwich bag and tosses it at Eddie. “That’s not what I meant.”
Though, he doesn’t quite understand why the idea of having sex with Eddie doesn’t repulse him. Instead it almost sounds… He’s not going to finish that thought. Nope. That’s getting stored in a locked box in a deep corner of his brain.
Eddie chuckles, tossing the garbage back at him. With a fond smile, Buck shakes his head, choosing to focus on the beautiful scenery in front of him. This is definitely reminding him why he loved the ocean so much before.
As the sun goes down, Eddie and him mostly just sit in silence, enjoying the view, but every once in a while will chime in with a thought. Soon enough though it starts getting dark, and the two of them finally start getting ready to go.
And when they arrive at Bobby’s Marina excitedly runs up to them, making sure to give both of them hugs.
“She was a little angel,” Bobby assures when Buck asks how she was. “As long as I’m not working, I’m always going to be happy to watch her if you need someone.” Buck smiles at the offer, one he’ll probably take Bobby up on a time or two… or a lot, probably.
Picking Marina up, Buck says to her, “Okay, my little Mareenie, time to go home.”
“Mareanie?” Eddie voices after saying their goodbyes to Bobby, lifting a brow in curiosity. “Like the Pokémon?”
“Is that a Pokémon?” Trying to rake through his brain as they walk to the car, Buck tries to recall Chris’ Pokémon cards to remember if that’s true or not.
“It is,” Eddie confirms, opening the back door so that Buck can get Marina into her car seat. “It’s actually part water type, so it fits.”
“I’m impressed that you know that,” Buck states.
“I pay attention to my kid’s interests,” Eddie says, sounding slightly playfully offended by Buck’s remark. “I had to help him get his cards all sorted and into a binder the other day. Guess that’s partially why it’s on my mind.”
Buck hums before getting into the driver’s seat. As much as he wishes Eddie could just come home with them, he has to drop him off at his own house, because Chris of course. Soon, he tells himself. Soon they’ll all live under one roof.
He doesn’t quite understand why he wants that so badly, but he’s choosing not to question it too much.
Notes:
I've updated the rating because I did write a chapter with smut in it but it's not super important to the story so I'd that's not your thing you'd be able to skip past it when it comes.
The dinner with Buck's parents didn't go well who's surprised? Nobody lol. But at least he got a nice picnic date with Eddie in this one 😁 also they're stupid4stupid istg
I could be very wrong but I'm pretty sure next two chapters are based around Marina's birthday 🤷🏻
I'm at work while writing this so I'm probably forgetting to add some thoughts but oh well
Anyways see y'all Tuesday!!
Chapter 16
Summary:
Buddie take the kids to the aquarium for Marina's birthday
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“So, are you going to invite your parents to Marina’s party?” Eddie asks, passing Buck the jaws to help extract an uninjured woman out of a vehicle that was caught in a pileup.
Sighing, Buck admits, “I have no idea what I should do. Honestly, I was just hoping they’d be gone by now, but Maddie said they leave the day after Marina’s birthday.” He wedges the tool into an opening in the door space. “If it were just about me, then it’d be an easy answer.”
“But you have to think about what’s best for Marina,” Eddie finishes for him.
Now that the door has been pried open, the conversation gets paused as they double check the woman for injuries or signs of a concussion. When she seems just fine, they give the usual spiel of if you experience any symptoms in the coming hours then go to the ER.
Since she was the last one needing to be helped out of a vehicle, Buck and Eddie bring their tools back to the truck.
“I never really knew my grandparents,” Buck confesses. “I always sort of wished I did. My parents were always sort of dodgy when it came to talking about family outside of who lived in our house.”
“So you want to let Marina have that because you didn’t?” Buck nods in confirmation, then Eddie continues, “Just remember, sometimes what you wish you could have had isn’t always what would be best for your kid. You can only self project so much before it becomes a problem.”
“You’re not helping make this decision easier,” Buck complains, walking over towards Bobby so that he can ask if there’s anything else they should be doing. Bobby then explains that they’re just about to start packing up to go back to the station.
Stepping away to start gathering things to put away, Eddie says, “I’d be by your side this time. If they start pissing you off, I can step in however you need me to. But I’d also support your decision if you wanted to cut them out of your life.”
The idea of having Eddie with him makes having to deal with his parents feel way less daunting. Maybe, with Eddie’s help, he can stomach the idea of sharing Marina’s birthday with them. Or maybe he can just have breakfast with them and go to Bobby’s place after so they don't ruin what he knows would be a good time.
Is it rude to exclude them from the barbeque at Bobby’s for Marina’s birthday though?
Sitting down inside the fire engine, Buck lets out a frustrated groan.
“Everything alright, Buck?” Bobby asks as he takes his own seat up front.
“He can’t decide whether or not to invite his parents to Marina’s birthday barbeque,” Eddie jumps in, answering for Buck.
“Hmm. Well, I just assumed that’s why they were in town,” Bobby admits. “Is there a reason you wouldn’t want them to come?”
“Because they’re sort of dicks,” Chimney chimes in, chewing a piece of gum as he speaks.
“To sum it up, yeah,” Buck agrees, and as he does, he can feel the way Eddie is kicking his foot lightly. Though, he isn’t sure whether it’s supposed to be a distraction or a reminder that he’s there for him. Either way, he appreciates it.
“And any reason you would want to?” Bobby prompts.
“For Marina,” Buck easily answers, he’s now watching the buildings pass by as they drive back to the station.
“Then I think you have your answer,” Bobby points out.
“Yeah, I know.” Buck lets out a sigh. “I just don’t want to have to see them.”
Another soft nudge from Eddie’s foot. Definitely a reminder that he’s got his back. Looking up at him, he gives him a soft, appreciative smile.
—
In the end, Buck does invite them. Or, more accurately, he makes Maddie invite them. The less he has to communicate with them, the better.
Since he’s still only doing half shifts, because he hasn’t been able to find the time to find good childcare for Marina yet, due to the fact that toddlers are incredibly time consuming, he’s off work now. He’s just said his goodbyes to the team, and now he’s making his way to his Jeep.
Unlocking the doors, Buck tosses his duffel in the back before climbing into the driver's seat. Connecting his phone, he puts on a random playlist before backing out of his spot.
It’s no more than ten seconds that he’s driving forward before Eddie practically jumps in front of his car. Slamming on the brakes a bit more dramatically than the situation entailed, Buck puts the car in park and rolls down the window to yell at Eddie.
“Dude, don’t jump in front of moving vehicles!”
Shrugging, Eddie says, “I knew you’d stop.”
“What if I wasn’t paying attention?” Buck argues.
“Then I could hold the time you hit me with your car over your head for the rest of our lives,” Eddie replies, smirking at Buck.
“And I could hold over the fact that you were an idiot and walked in front of my car,” Buck throws back at him. “Anyways, why did you walk in front of my car?”
“Oh, there’s someone here looking for you,” Eddie explains, though there’s a hint of jealousy in his tone, and Buck doesn’t understand why.
“Who?”
“Don’t know. She said her name is Melanie. You’ve never mentioned a Melanie, though.” Once again, the jealousy is there. Though, this time, Buck thinks that’s because he doesn’t like that he didn’t know something about him.
“Melanie?” There’s only one Melanie that he can think of, and that’s Marina’s aunt. He hopes it’s her, because he’s hit nothing but dead ends in his search to contact her. “Brown hair, blue eyes, glasses?”
“Well, she wasn’t wearing glasses,” Eddie states. “But yeah. She one of your hookups or something?”
Cringing, Buck explains, “No. Definitely not. First off, I don’t do hookups anymore, haven’t since I’ve known you pretty much. Secondly, she’s– I think she’s Marina’s aunt.”
A look of realisation crosses Eddie’s features. “The one you’ve been trying to find online?”
Buck nods before pulling his car back into a parking space. He then gets out and follows Eddie inside.
As soon as he spots her, he recognizes her. Definitely Amelia’s younger sister, so definitely Marina’s aunt. Eddie leaves him to talk to her on his own, going to find some task to work on.
“Uh, h-hey,” Buck greets. “I’ve, uh, been trying to find a way to contact you actually. I’m really sorry to hear about your sister.”
“Me too.” She sighs sadly. “I hope you don’t mind me showing up at your work. I just knew you were a firefighter in LA, so I showed up to another station and they told me you worked at this one.”
“No, it’s– It’s totally fine,” Buck assures. “I’m glad you’re here actually. I’ve been wanting to talk to you. I just got off shift, maybe we can talk at my place. I do have to pick Marina up from daycare right now.”
“That sounds great, I’d love to see her again,” Melanie says with a soft, kind smile. It looks just like the smile her sister had, one that he sees in Marina too.
Since she apparently took an uber to the station, the two of them get into Buck’s vehicle, and head to Marina’s daycare together.
The chatter on the way is light and mostly just filled with what they’ve been up to, vaguely, over the last few years. As it turns out, her wife and she started fostering a little boy recently, and they’re hoping to adopt him one day. They moved to the east coast before Amelia passed away, because that’s where her wife’s family is from. Which is also why she wasn’t able to take Marina in until they found him.
Buck then fills her in on some things going on with him. Most of them involve Marina nowadays. So they both mostly talk about challenges that come with raising a toddler. At some point they’ll have a proper decision about things, about what each of them wanted to reach out for once they’re not driving, and when Marina isn’t around to overhear. Probably once she goes to bed then.
Melanie comes in with him to get Marina at the daycare, and as soon as Marina spots her, her eyes light up in excitement.
“Auntie Mellie!” She cheers, running up to hug her. Melanie lets out a chuckle, and crouches down to give her a hug back.
“I missed you so much, munchkin,” she says, giving Marina an extra squeeze before standing back up.
Marina then lifts her arms towards Buck to ask to be carried. And since loves his little princess, he happily obliges. “Hi, sweetie. How was daycare today?” He pushes a piece of hair out of the way from where it was sitting in front of her face.
“Good! We did coloring!”
Buck knows that any drawings she did would be in her backpack now, so he says, “We’ll have to decide which one is going on the fridge when we get home then.” Marina nods excitedly. She loves having her drawings displayed like that.
Buck then waves goodbye to the staff before the three of them make their way back to his vehicle.
Buck heats up leftovers that Bobby let him take home from the station for the two of them. He already ate though, so he just joins them at the table to talk. Buck finds himself having to remind Marina several times to chew and swallow her food before talking, because she’s just too excited to see her aunt again. And because of that, she keeps happily rambling about new things to her, despite the fact that she should be focusing on eating.
When Marina brings up Eddie and Chris, Melanie says, “Oh! Eddie. Is that the one who was giving me the stink eye at the station?”
Buck chuckles at that. “He wasn’t giving you the stink eye.”
“He totally was,” she argues. “Makes sense though, if he’s your partner. He was totally jealous and protective of you, which is kind of adorable, honestly.”
“I guess that’s kind of our thing, having each other’s back,” Buck says, completely missing the fact that Melanie didn’t mean work partners.
“Does he live here with you two?” She wonders before taking a bite of her food.
Leaning in so Marina doesn’t hear the news yet, Buck whispers, “Not yet. He’s moving in next month when his lease is up. Him and his son. Marina doesn’t know yet. We’re telling her on her birthday.”
Melanie gives him an understanding hum. “So, Marina, tell me more about Eddie and Chris.”
And of course Marina starts rambling about whatever comes to her mind. Like how fun it is to go to the zoo with them, how Chris is apparently the best at videogames ever, according to her, and how Eddie took her to the ocean.
It’s fascinating listening to her talk, because it feels like just yesterday Marina was hardly letting out more than a few words here and there. But that was actually almost three months ago now, back in September. Now just a few days away from her birthday in December, she’s actually reaching quite chatty levels from time to time.
She still has her moments where she prefers to nod and just listen, but Buck is glad she feels comfortable with him now to be much more open and talkative.
After they’re done with dinner, Marina ropes her aunt into playing with her for a while before signs of sleepiness start to show. When they do, Buck gets Marina into bed, making sure to read her a bedtime story.
Stepping out of Marina’s room, Buck rejoins Melanie in the living room, sitting down on the couch next to her.
“You’re really good with her,” she points out. “I’ve got to admit, I was slightly worried. I mean, even though we hardly ever spoke and met like once, I trusted you. But… I also wasn’t sure how well you’d handle a surprise daughter. You seem to be doing really well though.”
“It’s definitely a struggle at times, that’s for sure. But I have my sister, Eddie, and my team. They all help out when I need it.”
“That’s good, really good.” She gives him a warm smile. “I missed her, and I guess I just sort of wanted to make sure she was safe and happy with you. That’s why I flew out here. I got my answer.”
“I– A while back, Marina told my sister that she wishes she had a picture of her mom. Do you– Is there any way I can maybe have a few so I can give Marina that?” Buck questions.
Nodding, she says, “Of course! I actually have stuff for Marina, and I guess you as well. Not with me, but now that I know your address I can ship it over. Just sort of like her baby box, like photos, trinkets, and such.”
“I’d love to have whatever you’re willing to part with.” Buck gives her a grateful smile. “I really do wish I could have been there from the start,” he admits.
“I did try and convince her to tell you. She was going to. Honestly, probably soon. She always said that once she graduated, she’d tell you, because she’d be able to move to LA to be close enough for you to have a relationship with Marina. She was convinced that it would have been cruel to make you aware that you had a daughter that lived somewhere else that you couldn’t get to know,” Melanie explains.
“I could have moved there,” Buck says, voice a little exasperated and frustrated by an undoable decision from the past by someone who’s no longer even here.
“I know. She knew too. I guess she just felt like she’d be forcing you to give up on doing something you loved, but in the process she sort of did the same by preventing you from being a dad. Although, her original plan was to give the baby, Marina, to you to raise in LA. But the second she held her she fell in love, and she couldn’t seem to give her up.”
A selfish part of him wishes she did, that he got to raise Marina from a baby. But another part of him is glad for Marina, because if her mom’s time was meant to be cut short, he’s glad she got as much time with her as she could.
While he wishes Amelia made different choices, like letting him decide for himself what he wanted to do for his daughter, he doesn’t necessarily fault her. She was younger than him, still in her early twenties. It must have been tough and scary for her to navigate that on her own. She probably genuinely thought she was doing what was best for each of them.
And knowing that she wasn’t planning on keeping him in the dark forever made him feel immensely better. There has been a lingering thought on his mind since he met his daughter, and that was if the accident didn’t happen, would I have ever known I had a daughter? He’s glad he finally has an answer, and it’s an answer that settles his thoughts a lot.
“Things get complicated when children are involved. I don’t entirely get her choices, but I don’t hate her for them. I’m just glad she was a good mom for Marina for as long as she could have been,” Buck tells her. “Uh, hey, how long are you in town for?”
“A few more days.”
“Great. You’ve now got plans on Friday. My boss is hosting a barbeque for Marina’ birthday, and she’d love it if you were there,” Buck invites.
“Your boss is hosting it?” She gives him an inquisitive look.
Yeah, sometimes he forgets that most people don’t really see their boss as a sort of father figure. “Yeah. He’s the one who made the food you ate.”
“Well, then count me in, because that was delicious.”
Buck chuckles, then adds, “Fair warning, my parents will be there.”
—
Just as Buck is ushering Marina towards her room to get her changed for the day, he hears the jingle of keys through the door. That causes him to pause, wanting to greet Eddie as he comes home.
The door opens, and Buck watches as Eddie suspiciously starts looking around by just sticking his head past the doorway before his eyes land on the two of them.
“You good?”
“Okay, don’t be mad,” Eddie requests, giving him a slightly guilty smile.
“That sounds like something I should be saying,” Buck responds.
Furrowing his brows, Eddie asks, “Did you do something?”
A soft chuckle escapes Buck before he answers, “No. Just seems more like something I’d be saying to you. Like I’m probably more likely to have done something.”
“Well, not this time,” Eddie says, finally stepping past the door, holding something behind his back. Buck is definitely intrigued, that’s for sure.
Marina walks closer to Eddie to investigate, and as she sees what he’s hiding, she gasps in excitement.
“Fishie!”
Eddie then finally holds up the bag, which is clearly holding some water with a small goldfish inside. “Our last call was to a pet store, and I was talking about how much Marina loves fish, and the owner just let me have it for free.”
There’s nothing Buck could do to suppress the smile that takes over his expression. “I hope you realise we don’t have anywhere to put it.”
“Don’t worry, she gave me a tank too,” Eddie informs. “I just had to buy the accessories. It’s in my truck. She also sent me a link to a video to show me how to properly introduce a fish to a new tank. I thought I’d leave that to you though, because I think you’d do better at that.”
“Well, Mareenie, looks like we’ve got a new pet,” Buck says, and Marina is swaying with the excitement pouring out of her.
They then spend the next while setting up the tank in the living room, and getting the fish acclimated. Marina then spends a really long time just watching fish, even when they offer to take her to the park, she says she’d rather watch the fish.
Buck thinks putting up with cleaning the tank and feeding it will be worth it for how happy it’s clearly going to make her.
—
Waking up this morning, Buck made sure it was early, before his daughter could be awake. Since it’s her birthday, her first one with him, and unfortunately the first one without her mom, he wants to make sure the day is as special as it can be.
Starting with surprising her with waffles as soon as she wakes up.
He’s only just getting started on the second one when Eddie sleepily trudges into the kitchen. Chris and him stayed over last night because, well, they are spending the whole day together anyways, but also because Marina loves them and it seems wrong not to have them all together to celebrate.
Wordlessly, Eddie just steps in to assist Buck in his cooking. Eddie yawns, obviously still tired, but he doesn’t complain. He just passes Buck the bowl of batter perfectly in time of when he needs it without Buck so much as gesturing for it. It’s amusing, Buck thinks, how in sync they are in just about every aspect of life. Including being half asleep still, making waffles together.
“Shit,” Buck mutters, remembering that he forgot to buy more syrup because they were close to finishing the bottle they already had. He guesses they’ll just have to make do with what they’ve got. “I forgot–”
Cutting him off, Eddie pulls out a new bottle, and says, “I noticed after we got home from the store the other day and made sure to pick some up on my way yesterday.”
Awe is visible on his face as he thinks about just how perfect Eddie is. How is he supposed to ever find himself a girlfriend or a wife when he’s just going to be comparing them to his best friend? Especially knowing that they’ll never compare. Once again, Buck finds himself wishing it were possible just to be with Eddie.
Alas, the universe cursed them both with being straight.
“Eddie, man, you are a godsend.”
Taking the syrup from him, he pours just the right amount of it onto Marina’s waffle. After adding some strawberries and blueberries, Buck puts a dollop of whipped cream on top. Then Eddie reaches over to stick three small candles into it.
With the candles now flickering with small flames, Buck carefully carries the plate over towards Marina’s room. Eddie stops in Chris’ room to quickly wake him up so he can join, and when he walks out, rubbing sleep from his eyes, the three of them step into Marina’s room.
They start singing happy birthday as Chris climbs onto the bed to shake Marina’s shoulder lightly to wake her up. She blinks her eyes open, smiling as soon as she sees all of them. Sitting up, she sways along happily to the tune of the birthday song.
“Happy birthday, Marina!” Buck cheers as soon as they’re done singing. He knows they’ll probably do this all again at the barbeque with a real cake, but he wanted this for just them right now. Holding the plate of waffle closer to her, he instructs, “Think of a birthday wish, and blow out your candles!”
Letting out a dramatic huff of air, all three candles blow out and the room erupts into excited cheers.
“But don’t say your wish out loud because then it might not come true,” Chris adds, and Marina nods, showcasing her keeping her mouth shut so as to not spill whatever it is.
Eddie steps closer, picking Marina up. “Now let’s get the very special birthday girl to the table so you can enjoy the breakfast we made you.”
Marina nods with clear excitement and a giggle as Eddie carries her towards their dining table. Buck and Chris follow closely behind, and as they walk, Chris whispers to buck, asking, “Does my waffle come with whipped cream too?” Buck chuckles slightly, leaning down to whisper of course in response.
Eddie sets her down on the floor, knowing that Marina isn’t going to want to start eating until she’s done her morning dance. They’ve tried getting her to do it after they eat before, so the food doesn’t go cold, but she’s very insistent that it has to go in that order.
Buck, of course, let’s Marina pick a song. It ends up being a song from a movie they watched together the other day. Then, as usual, Marina is the first to start dancing when the music is turned on. Chris quickly joins in, grabbing Marina’s hands to dance with her.
After watching them for a quick moment, Buck turns to see Eddie holding a hand out towards him. “May I have this dance?” He asks with a smirk.
Fondly, Buck rolls his eyes, but agrees nonetheless, placing a hand in Eddie’s. Buck thought Eddie was just going to dance all silly, maybe match what the kids are doing. He doesn’t though. Instead, he pulls Buck closer, and brings Buck’s hand to his waist before settling his own on Buck’s shoulder.
Buck freezes in surprise for a brief moment, but once Eddie starts swaying, Buck collects himself and joins along. The song choice is definitely not the kind you’d slow dance to with someone, but Buck finds himself not caring. He’s enjoying holding Eddie close as they watch their kids dance around happily.
When he pictured himself having a family one day, it definitely looked a lot like this. Except for the whole doing it with his best friend instead of a wife. But right now, he knows he couldn’t have asked for something better.
When the song ends, Eddie gives Buck a fond smile before pulling away to go grab Chris’ plate of food. Buck then grabs a plate for Eddie and himself to join along with the kids’ on the table.
The chatter at the table is lively, but before they know it the food is gone, and Buck is helping a messy Marina brush her teeth in the bathroom while the tub fills with water.
—
“Where we goin’?” Marina asks for maybe the third time this car ride.
“It’s a surprise, silly,” Buck tells her. “You will see when we get there.”
“Is it da beach?” She asks excitedly, because she’s grown incredibly fond of going to the beach with Eddie and Chris.
“Nope.”
“It’s even cooler than the beach,” Eddie supplies from the passenger seat.
“Really?” There’s surprised amusement in her tone, like she can’t believe they could take her somewhere cooler than that.
“Mhm,” Eddie hums, turning to give her a smile. “Way cooler. You’ll love it.”
Seemingly growing impatient due to the growing excitement, she asks, “We get there soon?”
“Like ten more minutes,” Buck answers.
And as a distraction, Chris offers to play eye spy with her to make the time go by faster. So, from the front seat, Buck can hear the two of them calling out random objects until they finally get a guess right. It puts a smile on his face, and when he glances over to Eddie, he sees a mirrored expression on himself.
Arriving, it’s still not super obvious to Marina where they are yet, but she follows them to the front door with glee regardless. She does point out a few things that catch her interest as they walk up to the entrance though. Such as the fountain which has dolphin statues in the middle.
Walking inside, Buck can see the excitement grow inside Marina as she really starts cluing in that she’s about to get to see a bunch of aquatic creatures. And once they finally get to see the first tank full of fish, Marina doesn’t hesitate to run off towards it to get a better look.
Following her quickly, Buck reminds, “Don’t run off, okay? You need to make sure you’re staying close to me or Eddie.”
She nods, but doesn’t look his way. Instead she’s staring amusedly at the fish swimming in front of her. She was so excited about just one small goldfish the other day, and it’s nothing compared to what she’s getting to see now, and it shows with the glee in her expression.
Chris walks over, standing next to Marina, gaze following where she’s excitedly pointing to. She seems like she wishes she had a few extra sets of eyes so that she could watch each and every fish she sees all at once.
Leaning close to him, Eddie whispers, “I think she likes her surprise.” There’s a small chuckle that follows.
“Definitely,” Buck agrees, grinning.
When one of the fish swims closer to her, right in front of her face, she squeals in excitement.
“Look at that one there,” Buck points towards a small shark. “That’s a leopard shark. They tend to like to swim in shallower water than most other sharks, and you can tell how old they are by how pale the spots are on them.”
Marina looks at him with fascination before quickly turning back to look at the shark again.
“And mother leopard sharks actually keep their eggs inside their body until they hatch. They can have a litter of usually around seven to thirty-six pups, which is pretty cool. Usually fish just lay their eggs and sort of hope for the best, I guess. Leopard sharks want to make sure that they all hatch safely.”
“That’s pretty cool,” Chris chimes in, watching the leopard shark swim around with the other fish. “How long do they live?”
“Hmm… I don’t remember, I think it was around thirty years, maybe? Let me double check that,” Buck replies, pulling out his phone to search it up. “Yeah, it looks like that’s about right. Seems like males tend to live a bit longer than females, because it’s saying they live at least twenty-four years while females live at least twenty.”
And that’s how it goes as they make their way through the aquarium. Marina just stares with such fascination and awe, while Buck and Chris talk about fun facts about the fish and animals. Eddie mostly seems to just be watching them with a level of fondness that warms Buck’s heart extensively. They really do feel like a family, the four of them.
When they make their way over to the shark lagoon, Marina looks somehow even more excited than she has this whole time. Almost to the point where she seems overwhelmed by how great this place is, but in a good way.
“Daddy look!” She shouts loudly, gaining a few head turns from strangers. Buck doesn’t mind any of them, just looks at what his daughter is excited to show him.
“That’s so cool, isn’t it?”
Marina nods enthusiastically.
“There’s a touch pool over here!” Chris cheers, and Marina is so quick to rush over to where he is.
“But remember, you have to be very gentle,” Eddie reminds. “Just like the instructions show, only use two fingers and be careful, okay?” Both Marina and Chris nod.
Chris is tall enough to reach, but Marina would be struggling a bit, so Eddie helps lift her so that she gets a chance to touch too. And when she does, an excited squeal escapes her.
“Dada, it touched me!” She giggles, turning to Eddie with wide eyes before reaching in to touch another.
Buck watches as Eddie freezes for a second before he turns to Buck with a half confused, half surprised expression. He mouths, did she just call me dada?
Buck shrugs, then mouths back, I think so. Walking closer to him, he whispers, “We’ll talk about it later.” Eddie then nods, turning his focus back to Marina.
Truth be told, Buck is more than okay with Marina seeing Eddie as another dad. He’s okay, once again, more than, with Eddie being another dad to her. In fact, he sort of loves that idea. So, he’s sort of hoping Eddie does too.
Watching them, he thinks maybe Eddie does, with the way he’s watching her so fondly as she giggles in excitement at the sharks. It might complicate things, Buck thinks, but it’d be worth it. Or maybe it’d somehow make things easier. It’s not like it’s too far off from what they’ve already been committing to together.
He guesses he’ll just have to wait and see.
It takes a while, but eventually they manage to convince her to move onto another exhibit. She’s just about as excited at that one as she was at the last, or any of them before that. She honestly looks like she’s in her version of heaven.
Eventually though, they do make it to the end and have to go home. They’ll probably still have a good amount of time to let Marina have a nap before they have to get ready to go to Bobby’s if they leave right away.
But given how Marina is pouting now that Buck has just told her they’ve seen all the fish already, Buck isn’t confident that it’ll be easy to get her to go without at least a little struggle.
“I know you are having fun, but we can’t stay forever,” Buck explains, crouching down so he’s closer to eye level with her. “We can come back again someday, then you can see it all again. But for now, how about we go look at the toys in the store, huh? You can pick out one thing. Whatever you want.”
She’s still got her arms crossed with a pout on her face as she adamantly shakes her head no.
“C’mon, Marina, let’s go find something cool,” Chris says, gesturing with his head in the direction of the gift shop. With Chris saying that, Marina finally seems to start getting over having to leave, because a smile forms on her face as she moves to follow him.
“Chris is like the Marina whisperer. Anything he says, she just goes along with,” Buck points out, sighing but grinning nonetheless.
Eddie lets out a soft chuckle at that as the two of them follow the kids at a slight distance in the shop.
In the end Eddie ends up buying Marina another new shark stuffie, and a colouring book, along with a new shirt for Chris. When the machine was ready for payment, Eddie just snuck up and tapped his card before Buck had a chance to pay himself. He glared at Eddie while Eddie just gave him a wide smile before ushering the kids towards the door.
—
“So… about earlier,” Eddie starts now that Marina is down for a nap and Chris is busy playing video games.
“Uh, yeah. I guess we should probably talk about that,” Buck concludes, knowing that they should probably communicate their thoughts on how comfortable they are with Marina calling Eddie dad too. “How do you feel about it?”
“Well, I think, since she’s your daughter, you should be the one setting the boundaries here in regards to her,” Eddie says, skirting around giving an answer of his own.
Buck is wondering if he can just outright beg Eddie to jump all in and raise Marina with him like she’s his own too. He’d do anything to know that he’ll have Eddie by his side in this. However, he knows just how big of a commitment that is. It’s a lot to ask. And he doesn’t want Eddie to be forced into raising another kid if that’s not something he truly wants.
As much as Buck wishes Eddie would want the same as him, he’ll be more than okay with him just simply being someone important to Marina in another way. If Eddie has reservations, then they can just sit Marina down for a talk and explain their situation a little better than they have.
Truth be told, he can see how it might have been confusing for Marina to discern the difference between Eddie being another one of her dads and just Buck’s best friend, given how Eddie does plenty of dad-like things with her. Plus she’s known Eddie almost as long and she’s known him, and he’s dad to her.
“I, uh–” He clears his throat slightly, anxious to put his thoughts out there. “I’m just going to be honest, because I want what’s best for her, always.” Eddie nods in understanding, but doesn’t interrupt him so Buck can get his words out. “I, uh, am– I don’t feel uncomfortable, or upset, at the idea of Marina calling you ‘dada’. Or you being that to her. I sort of– We pretty much co-parent the kids anyways, so it sort of just makes sense.”
He’s feeling a bit anxious as he explains all this to Eddie, not because he thinks Eddie will have a negative reaction, but more so because the more he thinks about it, the more he knows how much he wants to continue building what they have into a true family.
“However,” Buck assures. “I don’t want you to be– I want what’s best for you too, y’know? Like I don’t want you to step into a roll you don’t want, or anything. If you’d rather focus on just Chris, I-I totally respect that. We can– Or I can talk to–”
Eddie cuts him off by grabbing his shoulders and locking eyes with his. “Buck, I don’t think you understand just how much of an honour it’d be to be known as Marina’s other dad. I wouldn’t be doing this out of some sort of made up obligation. I’d help you raise her because I love her, because I care about you both, and the family we somehow formed. As unconventional as it is. You, me, we’re partners, and we’re in this together. I’m here for you and Marina, just like you’re here for me and Chris. It’s no different.”
Buck lets out a sigh of relief.
“I’m literally moving in here so that we could raise our kids together, Buck,” Eddie reminds.
“I thought you were doing it for the cheaper rent,” Buck jokes, earning a fond head shake from Eddie.
“Now, go to Bobby’s to help set up, I’ll let you know when Marina wakes up, and we’ll go from there,” Eddie says, pushing him slightly towards the door.
The plan is that Buck is going to help get everything ready and perfect for when Marina arrives at Bobby’s. Eddie is going to watch the kids in the meantime, and depending on how long it takes for Buck and Bobby to get things set up, Buck is either going to go back and help get the kids ready, or Eddie will be in charge of getting them ready and over.
Buck has a feeling that with how badly he wants this to be perfect for her, he’ll need the extra time.
“Okay, see you soon.” Buck gives Eddie a warm smile as he grabs his keys before heading out the door.
Notes:
My last day at my job is Friday so that means I'll have lots of time to write and my goal is to finish writing this within the next month which I really think is doable 😁
Marina's birthday was supposed to all be in one chapter but then I realized it'd be too long so next ch also takes place during her bday
Anyways I'm at work rn and it's super busy so I can't think of what to write. See y'all Friday!!
Edit: now that I'm not at work lol I was just thinking about how I almost went to the aquarium this is based on but I got side tracked and walked over two hours down the beach and didn't feel like walking all the way back so I went and got Chick-fil-A instead lol so I have seen the exterior but alas I had to use Google info for the exhibits and such
Chapter 17
Summary:
The Buckley-Diaz family head to Bobby's for Marina's bday bbq
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Buck, relax,” Bobby suggests, resting a comforting hand on Buck’s shoulder. “It’s perfect. Besides, she’s three, she’s not going to notice or care if the banner is slightly crooked.”
Sighing, Buck admits, “I know. I just– It has to be perfect. It’s the first birthday that she’s with me, and also the first one without her mom. I want her to have an amazing day.”
Giving Buck a sympathetic smile, Bobby says, “I understand that. But from what you’ve told me, she’s already had an amazing day. This will just be the cherry on top of it all. You’ve done good, Buck, so relax and enjoy the party, okay?”
Buck smiles slightly, giving Bobby a nod before doing one final adjustment on the placement of the banner.
After hearing the jingling of keys and the door opening, Buck turns to see Athena walking into the house. “Oh, this looks fantastic! Marina is going to love it,” she says as she admires the decorations.
“See,” Bobby says, voice sounding a lot like I told you so. “Now, would you like to help me get started on some of the food?”
Buck agrees easily to that, especially given that it was decided that Eddie was just going to bring the kids when they were ready. And it’ll also be a nice distraction from him knowing that guests are going to start arriving soon. Guests that include his mom and dad.
—
Karen, Hen, and Denny were the first to arrive. Denny just went off to find Harry immediately, and the other two jumped into conversation with Athena in the living room while Buck focused on helping Bobby bring out trays of snacks. Maddie and Chimney showed up shortly after that, carrying a huge gift that he just knows Marina will be excited about. Buck, however, is just grateful that Maddie arrived before their parents.
“Buck, you’ve done a great job with the decorations,” Maddie asses with a smile. “What time is the birthday princess showing up?”
Checking the time on his phone, Buck says, “Probably soon. Eddie messaged me a bit ago that they were almost ready to leave.” Then, hesitantly, because he doesn’t really want to know, he asks, “What about Mom and Dad? When are they getting here?”
“They’re probably about ten minutes out, based on when they left their hotel,” Maddie answers, then reaches out to give Buck’s hand a comforting squeeze. “It’ll be alright. You’ll have me, and Eddie–” She gives him a smile as she mentions Eddie. “So, don’t stress about it too much, okay?”
Letting out a huff of a laugh, Buck replies, “I’ll try. Don’t know how successful I’ll be.”
There’s another knock at the front door, and this time, when Athena opens it, Buck sees Melanie, Marina’s aunt, being greeted by her.
Walking over, Buck greets, “Hey, Melanie. Glad you came.”
“I wouldn't have missed it for the world,” she assures, passing Athena her coat when Athena offers to take it.
“Athena, this is Marina’s aunt, Melanie,” Buck introduces, then turns to Melanie. “Melanie, this is Athena. She’s…” He doesn’t really know a great way to introduce her, because reducing her to just Bobby’s wife feels wrong, so he settles on, “Pretty badass.”
Chuckling, Athena says, “That I am.” She then pulls Melanie into a brief hug. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Same to you.”
The three of them make their way towards the rest of the gathering group and continue the introductions.
Unfortunately, it’s not long after that before he can hear the sound of his mom talking to Bobby by the front door. Immediately, Maddie, from his left, holds up a pinky finger for him to link his own in. A reminder that they're in this together.
Wanting to just get it over with, Buck approaches his parents. Maddie follows closely behind.
“And where is the birthday girl?” Their mom says immediately, forgoing any niceties with their children.
“She’ll be here soon,” Buck answers with gritted teeth.
“And who is bringing her?” She asks, sounding concerned and confused.
“My, uh– Her–” Honestly, he’s completely stumped as to how to explain who Eddie is. It’s not like he can just say Eddie and they’ll accept that as is.
“Eddie,” Bobby chimes in, noticing Buck’s fumble. “He’s Buck’s partner at work. She’s in the best of hands with him.”
They seem pleased enough with that answer, even though Buck doesn’t think just work partner explains enough what Eddie is to him. Though, he supposes that it doesn’t matter what his parents do or do not know about what they are to each other, because it's only important to the two of them.
Then guiding them away from Buck, Bobby brings them around to introduce them to the people already there. Buck is beyond grateful for it, and makes a mental note to thank Bobby later.
When Eddie walks in a few minutes later, carrying Marina with Chris by their side, Buck grins wide, walking up to them.
“Happy birthday, my sweet little sharky,” he says as she looks around the house, seeing all the decorations and people there for her. Turning towards the crowd, he announces, “The birthday girl has arrived!”
That leads to cheers and a bunch of happy birthday’s being thrown her way. Marina squeals in excitement, wiggling in Eddie’s grasp, so he puts her down. She then rushes over to Bobby and Athena, giving them hugs before spotting her aunt, then makes a beeline to give her a hug too.
Chris spots Denny and Harry, and makes his way over to hang out with them. Eddie and Buck on the other hand, step off to the side for a moment.
“How’ve your parents been so far?”
“I’ve hardly spoken to them, so can’t say anything too bad yet,” Buck says with a shrug.
“Hmm. Well, at least Marina looks like she's having a blast so far.” Eddie gestures over to where she’s currently playing soccer with the boys in the yard.
Buck watches her fondly. “Yeah.”
The two of them decide to go join the crowd to socialize after that. At first the conversation is mostly focused on Marina, and how Buck feels about her turning three. It’s complicated, given how he didn’t know her for most of those three years.
Then his parents could be seen making their way over, and Buck chooses to dodge them, moving to find someone else to talk to.
That ends up being Maddie and Melanie.
“You’re sort of interrupting the cool aunt club,” Maddie fake complains, grinning at him.
“I just didn’t want to deal with them,” Buck explains, pointing over to where their parents are now talking to Eddie. He feels sort of bad about that, maybe in a few minutes, if Eddie hasn’t escaped them yet, then he’ll jump in.
“They really that bad?” Melanie wonders.
“It’s complicated. They’re not, like, awful people, or anything. Just… not good parents,” Buck replies. “And last time we spoke, it didn’t go great. If I can avoid facing them, then I will. I really just invited them for Marina’s sake.”
Before Melanie could chime in with a reply, Eddie makes his way over. “Your parents really are something, huh?”
“Sorry,” Buck apologises, wincing slightly.
“Nah, don’t worry about it,” Eddie brushes off. “Melanie, nice seeing you again.’
She chuckles lightly. “Yeah, it’s good to meet you properly now that you don’t think I’m trying to steal your man. How long have you two been together anyways?”
The three others in this conversation all go wide-eyed in surprise. Though, Maddie is the first to speak. “When the hell did this happen?”
“I– Uh…” Buck tries to come up with a reply but comes up short.
“We’re… not. Um, we’re not together,” Eddie clarifies.
Melanie then turns to Buck. “I thought you said Eddie was your partner.”
“He is, yes.” Buck agrees, and Eddie gives him a look. “But, like, just work partners.”
“Work partners that live together and raise your kids together?” She asks, seemingly really confused, just like the other three in the conversation.
“You two live together?!” Maddie questions, looking offended that Buck hasn’t mentioned that yet.
“Not yet!” Buck clarifies, and Maddie just sighs and mutters something Buck can’t hear under her breath.
“I’m really sorry for the misunderstanding,” Melanie apologises with a sheepish expression.
Eddie brushes her off. “No, no. Don’t worry about it. Not a big deal. It is a bit of an odd situation, but we are just friends. Close friends, but just friends. We’re both straight.”
“Oh…” She seems surprised by that information and Buck chooses not to look too much into it. “Good for you two, regardless.”
Maybe talking to his parents would have just been less awkward than this, Buck thinks to himself.
“I’m going to go check up on Marina,” Buck announces, stepping away from the group. He spots her quickly as she’s grabbing a handful of pretzels.
“Here,” Buck says, holding out a paper plate with cartoon sharks on it for her to put the snack onto. She then dumps the handful onto it, spilling a few on the floor in the process. He makes sure to pick them up before guiding Marina to a seat so she can eat. “Are you having fun?”
“Mhm,” she mumbles around a mouthful of food. Then after she swallows she says, “Bobby give me bubbles!” She then points outside where Buck can see the other kids still playing with some of the bubbles themselves.
“That’s so cool!” He replies over excitedly.
Once she’s done with her snack, Buck takes her plate to throw it out before Marina drags him outside to show him how she plays with the bubbles. He then grabs some himself, making lots of bubbles for her to excitedly chase and pop.
Chris then comes over. “Do you want to come color with me?” And of course, Marina agrees, following Chris to the table they set up for exactly that.
As Buck is watching her settle on her seat and pull out a couple crayons from the box Chris was holding out for her, Eddie comes over, resting a hand on Buck’s shoulder.
“How’s it going over here, partner,” he teases, making Buck flush red.
“I had no idea that’s how she took that,” Buck explains, feeling slightly embarrassed by the miscommunication.
“Not the first, and probably won’t be the last time someone mistakes us as something else,” Eddie points out. “It doesn’t bother me.” He shrugs nonchalantly.
For some reason, despite it happening to him before, Buck never thought someone ever said anything like mistaking them for a couple to Eddie. It almost felt like a little secret he had.
“I’m fine with it too.” Buck also shrugs, trying to match Eddie’s energy with the matter, because he’s trying to not let it show that he in fact kind of likes the idea of people thinking they’re together. Another thought to shove into that locked box inside his brain.
He could only avoid his parents for so long, unfortunately.
“So, Evan, we spoke to that friend of yours,” his dad informs, though Buck already knew that. “Eddie, was it?” He nods.
“He’s a bit… defensive,” his mom points out, and Buck isn’t too fond of the clear disapproving tone in her voice. Nobody should dislike Eddie, he’s probably the best man he knows, or at the very least one of them.
“Well, what did you say to piss him off?” Truthfully, Buck didn’t mean to say that out loud, so when he realises the slip of his tongue, a guilty expression immediately washes over his face.
But before he could take it back, so as to not piss off his parents, his mom cuts in. “Evan, maybe you should stop putting the blame on us for everything for once. You had a good life growing up, there was always food on the table and a bed for you to sleep on. And you still act as if we’re evil or something.”
If they weren’t in a crowded house, then maybe he’d explain that a good life growing up has more to do with being loved and cared for than anything else. Yeah, he is fortunate to have not been homeless until he was eighteen and living out of his car. But then again, he only had to because that was the better alternative than living with them.
“I don’t think you’re evil,” Buck says with a scoff, trying to keep his voice as calm and quiet as he can so as to not clue others in on the conversation. Technically that’s true. He just doesn’t exactly hold them in high regard.
“Then why would you assume that we did something wrong to upset your friend?” She questions and Buck can’t call her tone anything other than snarky and self pitying. “Because your friend definitely didn’t do a good job at making us feel welcome here.”
“Because Eddie is a surprisingly level headed man until someone really gets under his nerves,” Buck explains. “And that seems right up your alley.”
His mom scoffs at him, loudly, turning at least a few heads their way. Buck then drags them somewhere more secluded so nobody pays them any mind.
“Look, Evan, we’re trying our best here. We just want to celebrate our lovely granddaughter's birthday, and you are making your mother upset,” his dad says. His voice is calm, but in a way that really pisses Buck off.
“Well, you upset me first,” Buck returns.
“And how exactly did we do that?” His mom questions, rolling her eyes as if she can’t believe she could have possibly done anything wrong.
“By talking shit about my daughter’s other dad!” He sort of whisper yells it, exasperation lacing his voice.
That seems to catch them both off guard. His mom’s mouth drops in surprise as she sputters out nonsense. His dad, on the other hand, takes a step back as he does a once over of his son, looking at him with disapproval.
“You’re a–?”
Before she could mutter out what Buck is pretty sure wasn’t going to be something nice, especially based on the disgusted tone in her voice, Eddie steps in.
“Don’t you dare talk to Buck like that.” His words are firm as he places a comforting hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze that Buck reads as I’ve got your back.
“And you better think before you say something to Eddie,” Buck adds. “And for the record, no, I’m not. But glad to know where you stand on the matter.” Buck scoffs in disbelief. Maybe his parents are a little evil after all.
“Then…?” She glances between the two of them, seemingly trying to put two and two together, and failing.
“We don’t owe you an explanation,” Buck says, feeling surprisingly confident now that he’s got Eddie here. “And I want you to leave.”
“Excuse me?” She sounds flabbergasted, like that request came from nowhere, as if she didn’t just spend the last few minutes insulting the both of them.
“Evan, son, how would Marina feel if we just left in the middle of her party?” His dad asks as some kind of fucked up way to convince Buck to let them stay.
“If she’s upset, then we’ll talk to her,” Eddie answers easily. “Though, given how weary she’s been about you since she met you, I don’t think that’ll be the case.”
“All I want is to be able to enjoy my daughter’s birthday party, but I won’t be able to if you guys stick around. I gave it an honest try, but I cannot accept you in my life, not even for Marina’s sake. I don’t trust you, I don’t respect you, and I don’t want to subject her to your behaviour and apparent shitty views,” Buck spits out.
“This isn’t even your house, you can’t kick us out,” his mom pouts.
“Do you want me to get the owner?” Eddie questions with a smirk. “You do know she’s a cop, right?”
From the look on their faces, they did not know that. Which makes Buck chuckle lightly.
“Let us at least say goodbye to Marina then,” his mom requests.
And as much as Buck wants to deny her, he just lets out a sigh and mutters out, “Fine. Quickly though, because I will go grab Athena if you don’t.” This is just for Marina’s sake, not theirs by any means.
After Buck watches them closely as they say goodbye to Marina, who seems like she couldn’t care less that they are leaving, he guides them to the door. When it’s shut, Eddie turns to him.
“You alright?”
Sighing, in what feels a lot like relief, Buck nods. “Now I am, yeah. Thanks.”
“Always, Buck.” He gives him a soft smile before they both make their way back over to Marina.
When it came time for food, Buck made sure to tell Bobby not to plate anything for his parents because they left. He gave Buck a questioning look, half asking if he was alright, half asking what happened. Buck just said he’d explain later.
Then it was time for cake, and Marina was just as excited to blow out her candles again. She asked if this meant she got another wish. Of course, Buck just said yes.
But what he thinks is the most exciting part of the party to Marina is the gifts. She went up to him no less than sixteen times to ask if it was time to open them yet. So, now that it is finally time, she’s giddy with excitement.
“I wan’ big one!” She demands with a big smile, pointing at the gift Maddie and Chimney brought over.
“That one is from your Auntie Maddie, and Uncle Chim,” Buck informs as he carefully grabs the gift and sets it in front of her.
“I hope you like it, lovely,” Maddie says, smiling excitedly as she waits for Marina’s reaction to the gift.
Buck lets her try and open the gift on her own but she struggles to start getting the wrapping paper off, so he rips a small piece as a start to make it easier for her. She then is able to get it off pretty easily, revealing a blue tricycle.
She looks at it with curiosity, glancing at Buck for an explanation of what it was.
“See–” He points at the seat in the image on the box. “You sit there, then you can ride around on it if you use the pedals.” He points at the pedal.
“Can try now?” She asks, looking at Buck with pleading eyes.
“After you’re done opening the rest,” Buck says, and Marina doesn’t seem to take that as an answer because she turns to Eddie, hoping he’ll say something different.
Chuckling slightly, he leans down to kiss the top of her head. “Soon, sweet pea.”
“How about you open this one,” Buck suggests, grabbing a random one from the pile. “It’s from…” He looks around for a tag.
“It’s from Bobby and I,” Athena chimes in, and Buck gives her an appreciative smile.
Marina grabs it, not wasting any time before she’s pulling out the colourful paper hiding the gift in the bag. The first thing she pulls out is a kids size soccer ball with a bunch of sharks on the design. Her eyes open wide in pure joy as she climbs off of her chair to kick it across the room with a giggle.
Melanie is the one who stops it, picking it up and passing it to Buck.
“I guess you’ll have to go outside after to play more soccer, huh?” Buck says with enthusiasm, earning a nod from Marina as she tries to reach out for the ball.
“There’s more in there, darling,” Athena points out. “How about you see what else you got?”
That’s pretty much how it goes for the entire gift opening process. Marina opens something, becomes too excited about it and forgets about the rest, then someone manages to convince her to open another gift she’s beyond happy to be receiving.
And now Buck is going to have to figure out how to bring all of the new stuff home, and find a place for it all. She’s definitely super spoiled.
Pretty much as soon as they were done opening the gifts, Chimney got the tricycle out of the box and insisted that Marina try it out, so now he’s pushing her around as she giggles gleefully. Maddie and Eddie are helping Buck clean up, and Chris is off playing video games with Harry and Denny as they wait until Marina decides she wants to kick around her new ball with them.
Melanie is busy talking with Bobby and Athena, about who knows what, but they’re all smiling and laughing. Buck is glad she feels welcome with everyone else, because he wants her to know that she still has a place in Marina’s life.
Karen and Hen are trying to actually show Marina how to properly ride the tricycle instead of how Chimney is just pushing her, but Chimney is ignoring them, just enjoying time with his niece, insisting that Buck or Eddie can show her later. And May is blowing bubbles that Marina is trying to chase with the tricycle.
All in all, everyone seems to be having a great time, and Buck can’t believe that it wasn’t that long ago that he was suing Bobby and temporarily cut from all of their lives. Clearly it has all worked itself out pretty well.
As the party starts to dwindle towards its end, the remaining people left are a much smaller group. Athena and Bobby are of course still home, and other than their kids, it’s Maddie, Eddie, and Buck himself.
Eddie is currently trying to get Marina ready to go back home while Maddie helps Buck pack the toys between Eddie and his vehicles.
“I’d say today was a success,” Maddie notes.
“Yeah, definitely. Marina hasn’t stopped smiling since she got here. Or maybe since first thing this morning.”
“You managed to pull off the perfect birthday for her,” Maddie says with a smile, closing the trunk of Buck’s Jeep. “And I just want to say, if you really do want to keep Mom and Dad out of your life, then I do support you, and I understand.”
“I’ve seen them look at me many different ways over the years,” Buck starts, then sighs. “But I’ve never seen them look at me with such… disgust before. I don’t know. It just sort of pissed me off. That, plus how they were speaking about Eddie. I guess I just reached my limit with them.”
Stopping Buck before they go back inside, Maddie questions, “Why were they looking at you with disgust?”
“For a moment they thought Eddie and I were together.” Buck thinks that’s enough of an explanation, and Maddie seems to understand because she gives him a sympathetic look. “It’s fine though, I guess. It’s not like I’m actually, y’know, but I have friends who are, and I just don’t want Marina around people who think like that.”
“It’s not fine, Buck,” Maddie corrects. “Whatever they said, that’s not okay.” There’s a pause as Maddie looks like she’s contemplating whether or not to ask something. She must settle on not, because she just reaches for the door handle.
Buck stops her though. “Maddie, what?”
“It’s nothing, Buck, don’t worry about it,” she brushes off. Buck just gives her a look that says he’s not dropping it. Shaking her head slightly, she gives in. “It’s just– Please don’t take this the wrong way, but… are there really no feelings between you and Eddie?”
That’s not what Buck was expecting so he lets out a startled laugh. “Maddie, we are both straight. Just best friends, like we said earlier.”
“Okay,” Maddie says, accepting it at face value, but something is telling Buck that she doesn’t fully believe it. “Let’s go get that daughter of yours so you can go home. I’m sure you’re exhausted after today.”
That he is.
Arriving back home, there’s one final surprise that Buck and Eddie have for Marina. Which is why they’ve got her settled on the couch as the two of them sit across from her on the coffee table while Chris is off in his room so they can talk.
“How’d you enjoy your birthday?” Buck starts.
“Had so much fun!” She cheers, giving them a wide grin.
“Good, we’re glad.” He gives her a smile in return.
“But we do have one more thing we wanted to tell you, another surprise,” Eddie explains.
“What?” She tilts her head curiously.
“At the end of the month, Eddie and Chris are going to be moving in with us. Which means they’ll be around a lot more. How does that sound?” He’s pretty confident that Marina will be happy about it, but he’s nervous nonetheless.
“Really?!” She asks excitedly, climbing off of the couch to give Eddie a hug.
“Really, really,” Eddie confirms, hugging her back.
“So, you’re happy about this?” Buck just wants to make one hundred percent sure.
She nods her head enthusiastically against Eddie as she mutters, “Happy happy!”
—
Climbing into bed, Buck notices Eddie watching him, so he turns to lay on his side to give him a questioning look.
“I’m sorry about your parents,” he apologises, confusing Buck, because he has a guilty look on his face.
“Eddie, you aren’t at fault for their actions, you know that right?”
Nodding ever so slightly, Eddie says, “I know. But, if I didn’t snap at them earlier, then they wouldn’t have–”
Before Eddie has a chance to finish his sentence, Buck is interrupting him. “Then I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to be brave and kick them out. Which I’m beyond glad I did. I don’t want them in mine or Marina’s life, and I’m confident in that now in a way I wasn’t before. So, really, I should be saying thank you.”
Eddie scoffs fondly at that.
For a long moment, the two of them don’t speak again, just sort of spend that time looking at each other. It should feel weird, or awkward, but instead, to Buck, it feels like safety and comfort. Like Eddie can protect him with just a glance.
Besides, Eddie is quite the view, Buck thinks. He finds himself really liking just looking at him. Maybe it’s something he should do more. Just appreciate Eddie, and his beautiful, kind, comforting face.
“C’mere, Buck,” Eddie requests, holding his arms open. “I kind of just want to hold you right now.” And Buck kind of just wants to be held by him, so he scootches over, making himself comfortable in Eddie’s arms.
Eddie is warm, and Buck finds it more than enjoyable. Especially now that he keeps the room a little bit colder so that Eddie isn’t so uncomfortable in what he would always complain as a too hot room.
The way Eddie is comfortingly rubbing along his back is making it really hard to stay awake, because he simply just feels so relaxed and content.
“Thank you, Eds,” Buck mutters sleepily against Eddie.
After humming in confusion, Eddie asks, “For what?”
“Just… everything.”
Eddie pulls him ever so slightly closer to him, and Buck could have sworn he felt Eddie kiss the top of his head, but he’s half asleep so who knows. It’s not long after that before Buck finds himself drifting off into peaceful sleep, like he always does when Eddie is by his side.
Notes:
Yeah buddie are gonna need some outside guidance towards realising their feelings and it starts here lol. Overall I don't got much to say about this chapter but the next one's got Christmas stuff in it which I think is cute:]
Also I wrote another Eddie pov chapter that kinda dives into his thoughts on their relationship throughout the chapters and I actually really like that chapter cuz I think it's a bit of a silly one
It's my bday tomorrow and my gift to myself was quitting my job lol so It's finally my last day at this fucking shitty ass stupid place yippee !! More time to write buddie 🙂↕️
See y'all on Tuesday :)))
Chapter 18
Summary:
Some family moments leading up to Christmas
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Eddie wasn’t technically meant to officially be moving in until the end of the month. However, he has probably moved over half of his stuff already and it’s only been one week since they told Marina about the move. Eddie and Chris have also spent every night here since, and Buck is starting to just assume that they just decided to move in early.
No complaints though.
“We’re going to have to compromise on furniture,” Eddie notes, seemingly going over a list on his phone while they sit on the couch up on the loft at the station.
“My mattress is more comfortable than yours, so we’re keeping that, but I don’t mind using yours for the rest,” Buck responds nonchalantly, because honestly, he has zero attachment to any of his belongings. So he’d much rather have things that Eddie likes; that’d make their home feel more homey.
“That was easier than I was expecting,” Eddie says with a chuckle. “What about–”
“Buck,” Bobby calls out, interrupting Eddie’s sentence. “Can I speak to you for a minute in my office?” He asks as he walks closer to the pair.
Buck nods, getting up, then gives Eddie a shoulder shrug when he asks what he thinks it’s about.
Walking into Bobby’s office, he takes a seat on the chair across from Bobby. “So, uh, what’s this all about?” He wonders, hoping he didn’t do something recently to cause himself to be in trouble. A quick run-through in his head of recent shifts tells him he should be fine though.
“I know I offered to let you do half shifts until you found some new childcare for while you’re on shift. I just sort of assumed you’d have found something by now,” Bobby starts. “So, I just want to check in on that front.”
“I, uh– I’ve just been busy.” He lets out a quiet forced chuckle. “You know how it is. First it was the move, then her birthday, and now Christmas. It’s just keeping me quite occupied, is all,” Buck claims.
Although, the truth is he hasn’t exactly even started looking. Not seriously at least. The most he’s done is search something, then realise he hates the idea of spending more time away from her, and closes the tab.
“Buck,” Bobby says, like he’s prying for Buck to tell the truth.
“I don’t know how other people do it,” Buck begins to ramble. “It’s just– It’s already hard enough for me to drag myself away from her for these half shifts. And don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad to be back. But… I hate not being around her. It feels impossible. And I get to be home to say goodnight. I just– I don’t know. Like I said, I don’t know how other people do it.”
However, it’s not sustainable. He knows this. Because half the hours, also means half the pay. And even with Eddie’s help with the rent starting next month, he still doesn’t know if he could justify it.
“I see.” Bobby hums in acknowledgement. “I know it can be difficult, but I promise it is something that gets easier. It also makes getting to go home after a long shift all the more rewarding. And I’m not going to force you to go back to full shifts right away, but I have had higher-up’s asking why you were still only doing twelve hours. I think they were mostly worried I was making you do that, and they didn’t want any more trouble between us.” He lets out a chuckle at the end of that, which can only be there because things really are great between them now.
“I know I have been putting it off for too long,” Buck agrees, slumping further in his chair. “I’ll start actually figuring something out. I definitely need the money.”
Bobby quirks a concerned brow at the last sentence. “If you need help paying for something, rent, food, you name it. I don’t mind helping.”
Buck shakes his head, although he is very grateful for the offer. “Well, uh, Eddie is moving in at the end of the month, so that’ll help with costs. I’m mostly concerned with paying off my credit card. I’ve had to raise my limit twice since Marina came to live with me, and I haven’t exactly made much of a dent since I’ve been back to work,” he admits sheepishly. “Thank you though.”
“Okay. But like I said, just name it if you need help with anything. Money, babysitting, whatever. I know things between us were rocky when you first took her in, and I wasn’t there for you like I should have been, but I am now,” Bobby reminds, and Buck can see the promise in his eyes.
“Thanks, Bobby. I really do appreciate it.”
“Anytime, kid.” Bobby gives him a warm smile. “Just keep me updated on the childcare situation, okay?”
After agreeing to do so, Buck is up and out of the office, making his way back towards Eddie. Though, when the tones go off it sidetracks him, sending them all off to a call.
—
Finishing putting little green and red bows in Marina’s hair, Buck takes a step back to look at Marina’s appearance. When he deems it perfect, he turns her so that she can take a look in the mirror.
“What do you think?”
Nodding, she says, “I like it.” She then reaches up to press on the bows in her hair out of curiosity.
Currently Buck is getting Marina all dressed up in a cute christmas outfit, because Eddie and him are about to take the kids to the mall to get photos with Santa. From the photos Melanie sent him from when she was younger, he saw that Marina has been every year so far, and it’s definitely something he wants to keep up with.
“Good. Now let’s go check if your brother is ready,” Buck says, guiding her out the bathroom.
Excitedly, Marina rushes over towards Chris’ room, reaching for the handle. Buck stops her. “Remember to knock before going into a room with a closed door.” She nods, then knocks on the door three times.
When Chris opens it, he’s wearing an outfit that matches Marina's and Buck thinks he can feel his heart melt at the sight of the two of them. Absolutely adorable, he thinks.
“Are you two excited to go see Santa?” Buck asks.
Marina nods excitedly, but Chris shrugs. Buck gives him a confused look, because he remembers him being so excited last year.
“Chris, everything alright?” He wonders.
“It’s just kind of hard to be excited when I know Santa can’t bring me what I want this year,” he replies with a sigh.
“What makes you say that? You never know,” Buck prompts, nudging him lightly.
“Last I checked Santa can’t bring people back to life,” he mutters before walking away. Marina doesn’t hesitate to follow him, and Buck would stop her if Chris wanted space, but he just smiles at her and gestures for her to join him in the living room.
Oh.
This is his first Christmas without his mom. Yeah, that cannot be easy, and he feels bad that he didn’t think about it sooner.
Buck walks over to Eddie, wanting to talk to him about it.
“Hey, Eds,” Buck calls out as he steps into their bedroom. Eddie hums, telling him to continue. “Your son just said something that I think you should hear.”
“What?” Eddie sounds concerned.
“I was asking if he was excited to see Santa, and he said it was hard to be when he knew he couldn’t bring him what he wanted because he can’t bring people back to life,” Buck retells with a sad expression. He’s such a sweet kid, and Buck wishes he could take away all that grief and bring his mom back, even if that’d complicate things for Eddie and him. He knows Eddie would agree to it in a heartbeat too though.
Unfortunately the world sure can be cruel sometimes.
Eddie runs a hand down his face. “I had a feeling this Christmas would be tough on him, but he hasn’t said anything, so I guess I just sort of assumed he was doing okay. I guess I was wrong.”
“I don’t think he’s doing bad or anything. I just think he misses his mom. The holidays are– From what I hear at least– usually when those feelings grow stronger. Hell, even I found myself wishing I could spend Christmas with my parents from time to time after I left even though Christmas with them was far from any of those hallmark Christmas movies.”
Sighing, Eddie says, “I just wish there was something I could do for him.”
“Maybe just find a way to include Shannon in Christmas this year,” Buck suggests. “Were there any traditions you guys all had together? Or just Chris and her? Maybe you could do some of those. Of course It’s not perfect, but it might make him feel less far away from her.”
“Well, since Shannon and I spent more time apart than together while married, we didn’t exactly have any family traditions, but maybe I can figure out something the two of them did, yeah. That’s– Thank you, Buck. I just wish we didn’t work Christmas this year, maybe that’s just making it all worse.”
“Yeah, tell me about it,” Buck scoffs. “I’m missing my first Christmas with Marina.”
“I’m sure Bobby would let you spend Christmas with her, you know? He’d understand your circumstances,” Eddie points out.
Buck shakes his head. “That wouldn’t be fair to the rest of you who have to spend Christmas working though.”
“We’d all understand,” Eddie assures.
“We’re a team. There’s no ‘I’s or whatever you said before you forgave me,” Buck recalls with a chuckle. “We’re off on the twenty-fourth, and she’s three, so she won’t know the difference. I was just thinking of celebrating a day early.”
“It’s not the same though,” Eddie argues.
Buck huffs out a slight laugh. “Don’t Mexican people usually celebrate on the twenty-fourth anyways?”
“My family usually just stuck to Christmas day,” Eddie informs with a shrug.
“Well, either way, maybe I can just swap each year depending on when I work. I don’t think the day should matter, just getting to spend time together.”
“Hmm, maybe you’re right,” Eddie agrees. “I’m going to go talk to Chris, then if he’s still up to it, we’ll head out in a few.”
“Sounds good. I’ll go keep Marina distracted while you have your chat,” Buck offers as both of them make their way out of the room.
In the end, Eddie seemed able to cheer Chris up enough to make him excited to get photos at the mall with Marina. So they made their way shortly after. However, by the time they arrived, Marina had already managed to mess her hair up. Buck tries to quickly fix it while they’re in line, but she keeps insisting it was fine how it is.
Eventually he just accepted that she was going to have messy hair in the picture, and left it be along with her desire to bring her stuffed shark as well. And when it’s their turn, Buck and Eddie let the mall elves guide them over before they step off to the side to wait for them.
When they do, Buck sees a familiar face. Or more so, a familiar face sees him.
“Hey, Buck,” he hears, making him turn around to see who it was. That’s when he recognizes Leslie from the daycare that burnt down. She then recognizes Eddie too so she greets him as well. “Eddie, nice to see you under better circumstances.”
“Leslie, hi. How’ve you been?” Buck greets, giving her a smile.
“I’ve been great,” she answers. “I took some time after the fire to travel until I figured what my next step would be.”
“What’d you settle on?” Eddie prompts curiously.
“I’m thinking of switching to working as a nanny instead. As much as I loved working at the daycare, I feel like this is the right thing for me,” she explains.
“Really?” Buck perks up at that. “Because, I just so happen to be looking for a nanny. And I already know you’re great with Marina, and she adored you. So, if you’re interested, I’d like to talk more about it.”
“That’d be great,” Leslie replies. “I’ll shoot you a message later. I’ve got to go though. It was nice seeing the both of you.”
“Yeah, you too.” Both Buck and Eddie wave goodbye just as Marina and Chris start making their way over.
“Did you guys tell Santa what you want?” Buck asks, voice laced with played up excitement for the kids’ sake. Eddie, in the meantime, goes to purchase a couple copies of the pictures.
Marina nods happily. “I ask for more sharky!” she says as she holds up her stuffed shark.
“I’m sure Santa can make that work.” Buck chuckles. “What about you Chris?”
“I’m keeping it a secret,” he replies with a smirk. So much for using this to get gift ideas for him.
They each already have a few things for the kids, but they just wanted to make sure they got whatever it is that they really want.
Once Eddie is done getting the prints of the photos, Buck grabs them from him to take a look. He smiles. They’re adorable. Marina has her messy hair, but such a wide, excited smile, and even Chris, despite being kind of bummed out at the idea before, looks happy.
“I got one for us, and a couple for my tía Pepa and my abuela,” Eddie explains, taking them back from Buck, and putting them back into the sleeve it came in, so that Buck doesn’t accidentally damage them before they get home.
“We should invite them to our Christmas Eve dinner,” Buck suggests as they walk through the mall back towards their vehicle. Marina and Chris are a few feet in front, whispering about something to each other. Buck guesses that it has something to do with whatever it is that Chris wants for Christmas.
“We’re doing a Christmas Eve dinner?”
“Mhm. I told you I want to celebrate then,” Buck reminds. “So, dinner and gifts. But we should invite your family too. I’m inviting the team and Maddie. Plus Athena obviously. And they’ll all probably want to bring their kids. Do we have enough space?”
Eddie chuckles. “We’ll make it work. That sounds like a great idea. After the year we’ve all had, we could use some Christmas cheer in the form of a family dinner.”
“Yeah, definitely.”
As they approach their exit door by where they parked, Buck steers the kids to the left, because they were both distracted and kept walking forward for a moment.
“And what are you two so busy gossiping about?” Eddie prods.
Chris giggles. “Nothing.” Then he turns to Marina to gesture to keep her mouth zipped to keep the secret. Marina copies the motion.
“They really are siblings, huh?” Buck says with a grin. “Scheming behind their parents back together.”
Smiling just as wide as Buck, Eddie says, “Yeah. I guess so.”
—
“So, I have an idea,” Buck announces as they’re getting into bed.
“Hmm?”
Moving onto his side to face Eddie, who mirrors Buck, Buck explains his idea. Basically, he’s been thinking about a good way to include both Marina and Chris’ moms into Christmas this year, because it’s both of their first without them.
So, he thought that maybe they could hang up an extra stocking that says ‘Mom’ on it. And then both of the kids can write down messages to their moms and put them inside.
“Buck, I think that’s perfect.” Eddie gives him a fond smile. “We can set that up tomorrow.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Eddie assures. “It’s a great way to make sure the kids know their moms are always going to be a part of the holidays, even if they unfortunately can’t be around any more.” Eddie then adds, as an additional thought, “Also, I wanted to talk about the nanny situation.”
“What about it?” Buck wonders, raising a brow at Eddie.
“Well, since both kids are going to be living in the same house–”
Buck interrupts him with a fond scoff. “You say that like they don’t already.”
Eddie chuckles, but continues, “So it’d make sense if Carla just watched the both of them.”
“But Carla is a home health care aid, not a nanny,” Buck points out. “It makes sense for Chris, but Marina doesn’t require an aid. I wouldn’t ask someone else to do another job that isn’t theirs for my convenience.”
“You do know Carla and I have already talked about this, right? I’m not just volunteering her to go above and beyond. She offered it,” Eddie assures.
“Still, I’d feel bad. Plus, I already asked Leslie. And Chris and Marina have different schedules.”
“Buck, Marina is three. Her schedule is nonexistent. But if you really would feel more comfortable with Leslie watching her, then go ahead. I just thought it’d make more sense, is all,” Eddie voices.
“I mean, obviously I’d feel comfortable with Carla watching Marina,” Buck assures. She’s great with Chris, and Buck just knows that Marina would love her too. “Maybe I can just work out a schedule between the two. Whenever both kids need childcare, then Carla can watch them, but if just Marina does, then I can go with Leslie. Like when Chris is at school, or something.”
“That makes sense,” Eddie agrees, yawning.
“I’ll figure it out. Let’s just get some sleep,” he says when he notices how tired Eddie is, and subsequently himself as well.
—
The next morning, Buck wakes up to an empty bed, noticing he’s completely laying on Eddie’s side. It has become a common occurrence for him to wake up snuggled against him, so he figures that’s what happened. Usually Eddie is still there when he wakes up though.
Getting up, Buck wipes the sleep out of his eyes before making a pit stop at the bathroom before searching out for Eddie.
He finds him in the living room.
“What’re you–” Oh, he’s hanging up an extra stocking, like they discussed last night.
“Woke up early, ran to the store and picked up this.” Eddie gestures to the stocking. “They didn’t have any that said ‘Mom’, so I had to do a little bit of DIY, but I think it turned out alright.” The ‘O’ Eddie clearly hand sewed on is slightly crooked, but Buck thinks it’s perfect.
“Have the kids seen it yet?”
Eddie shakes his head. “No. Both of them are asleep.”
“Really?” Buck says surprised. Normally they don’t sleep in this late.
“I think that has something to do with the fact that I caught them trying to sneakily grab a couple cookies late last night when I went to grab a glass of water,” Eddie explains with a grin and a slight head shake.
“You let them have a cookie anyways, didn’t you?”
“Nope,” Eddie says, but he’s grinning like it’s obviously a lie.
“I would have too.”
“I know.”
They’re both grinning at each other. Buck loves this, co-parenting with Eddie. He loves all of it. The discussions about childcare, the silly moments, and the serious ones too. Having him as his partner in this makes him think that maybe he’d be okay with just settling down fully with just Eddie. Because to him, just Eddie is everything. He doesn’t need a relationship, he just needs Eddie.
That realization definitely makes Eddie living here easier, because it’d be kind of hard to date someone if you share a bed with another person you’re sort of raising two kids with.
Eddie nudges him. “What’re you thinking about?”
“Dating,” Buck answers without really thinking about it. Eddie gives him a weird look at that. Buck then clarifies, “How I don’t want to date.”
“You don’t want to date?”
“Yeah. I– Uh, I think I have everything I need in my life already,” he says as he sees both Marina and Chris walking sleepily towards the living room.
Glancing between the kids and Buck, Eddie agrees, “Me too.” He then has an expression on his face that Buck can’t quite read, and the kids interrupt him before he has any sort of chance to decode it.
Still sleepy, Marina walks over to him, lifting her arms to ask to be picked up. And when Buck does, she snuggles up against him. Buck kisses the top of her head.
Chris looks at the new stocking with confusion. “What’s this for? Marina’s mom? Is she coming for Christmas?”
Okay, so apparently, Chris doesn’t know that Marina also lost her mom. He supposes that they never have mentioned her in front of him. “Uh, no… Well, sort of. It’s for both of your moms,” Buck starts. “We were thinking that the two of you could write or draw or put anything inside that you wanted your moms to see or read. Sort of like you’re sending a message to her.”
“Do you think Mom will be able to read it?” Chris wonders, sounding hopeful.
“I hope so, bud,” Eddie answers. “We can’t know for sure, but I like to think that she watches over you, and if she can do that, then surely she can see what we fill her stocking with.”
“Can I add something now?”
“I’ll go grab a pen and paper for you,” Buck offers, stepping away, still carrying Marina that’s now fallen back asleep.
And when he returns with the items, he passes them to Chris, then goes to put Marina back in her bed until she’s ready to wake up again.
Eddie meets him in the kitchen after a moment, leaving Chris to write a letter to his mom on his own. “I was thinking, maybe we can put up the tree today?”
Buck nods. “Yeah, I think that’s a great idea. After Marina wakes up again, and they’re both fed, we can head out.”
—
And that’s exactly what they did.
Now, a couple hours later, they’re all gathered in the living room again. Eddie is setting up the base to place the tree while Buck cuts away the netting. Both kids are going through the ornaments Eddie had stored in his house previously, deciding which ones they like the best.
Marina seems to be a fan of the blue and purple ones while Chris likes the orange and red ones. Looks like they’ll have a colourful tree.
Once Eddie has the base set up, Buck helps him get the tree in place, adjusting it until both kids give their approval. Chris asked for a few tweaks. Marina just smiled and gave a thumbs up every time they asked, then once she noticed Chris didn’t agree she’d shake her head and cross her arms fake grumpily in support.
“Which lights are you guys thinking? White? Or rainbow?” Eddie asks, holding up two boxes.
If Buck was choosing, he’d choose the white, because it’d look better, but he knows that’s not how the kids will decide.
“Dat one.” Marina points to the box of coloured lights.
Chris nods in agreement. “Definitely the rainbow ones. And I think we’ll need more than one box, Dad.”
“Well, we only have one box,” Eddie informs, giving him an apologetic look.
“No, I think I have some somewhere,” Buck chimes in before rushing towards his storage closet.
Digging through the few boxes he has in there, he finds the Christmas decorations he has, pulling out the whole box. He carries it to the living room, setting it on the floor next to the rest of the stuff.
Opening the lid to the container it’s in, Buck begins pulling some stuff out to find the lights. Chris and Marina, in the meantime, start going through the pile of decorations that are now on the floor.
“Aha! Here.” Buck passes Eddie a couple extra boxes of lights.
“Buck, you just saved Christmas,” Chris says with a cheer and a big smile.
“Okay, let’s not feed into his already too big ego,” Eddie says with a chuckle, Buck joining in as well.
“Daddy, can put on?” She’s holding up a plastic ornament.
“Soon, sweetie. We just have to finish getting the lights and garland on first,” Buck explains. “Why don’t you and Chris put on some Christmas music?” He passes Chris his unlocked phone.
Chris takes it with a nod, opening the music app to find something to put on. Marina mostly just watches him scroll through, pointing every once in a while saying, what about that one? But apparently Chris has a specific song in mind.
Eventually he must find it, because the song starts playing. The music fills the air, making the Christmas spirit feel much more alive. Marina starts dancing along to the tune while Chris hums along quietly.
Once the tree is bright with lights and wrapped in garland, Eddie gives the kids the go-ahead to start putting on ornaments.
“Can’t reach,” Marina says, stretching her arm up as high as it goes. “Dada lift me?” She gives Eddie pleading eyes.
Smiling, Eddie agrees, “Of course. Where do you want to put it?”
“Up there.” She points to the top of the tree.
Eddie picks her up, lifting her high enough to reach the specific spot she clearly had in mind. Buck, in the background, makes sure to capture a photo, wanting to remember this forever. A picture to remind himself of this feeling, of being so full of joy, like he’s reached his life’s biggest goal.
Their little family is by far Buck’s best treasure. He isn’t so sure how he managed to find the ‘X’ on the map of life that led him here, but he’s choosing not to question it too hard. Because none of that matters, just that he got here in the end.
Chris is busy filling up the lower portion of the tree while Marina keeps requesting that Eddie lift her to get the top half. Eventually, the tree is filled, probably overly so, with lots of decorations.
They all take a step back to admire the work of art they’ve created.
“Well, I think it’s perfect,” Buck says, grinning wide.
“Not quite,” Eddie jumps in, holding up the tree topper, a star. “Who wants the honours?”
Both kids quickly say, “Me!”
They end up agreeing that both kids can do it at the same time. Buck lifts up Marina, and Eddie helps pick up Chris so that both can reach. Then, together, they put the final touch onto the tree.
“Now it’s perfect,” Eddie notes with a grin.
—
“Did you get her number?” Chimney asks as they’re packing things up to head back to the station.
“What?” Buck asks, confused. He most certainly wasn’t after that.
“She was totally hitting on you,” Chimney points out, talking about the person he got out of her car that she was trapped in after a multicar pile up. “And she’s a redhead, totally your type. I bet Hen twenty bucks that you’d ask her for her number.”
“Well, you owe Hen twenty bucks then,” Buck replies. “Didn’t even think about it to be honest. And I don’t think she was hitting on me, I think she was just being nice.”
“Yes, because people just being nice are all like oh my god, you’re so strong, I bet you’d be great at carrying me with a wink.” Chimney rolls his eyes at him in disbelief. “Who are you, and what have you done with Buck?”
Buck shrugs. “Dunno. Guess having a kid changes you.”
“But don’t you want to find someone to settle down with, maybe have more future Buckleys with? Someone to raise Marina with? Can’t imagine being a single dad is easy.”
“I have Eddie,” Buck answers simply.
“That’s not the same,” Chimney points out, and immediately Buck feels offended.
“And how is it not? What’s so wrong with him and I raising Marina and Chris together?” He snaps, slamming the door to the tool compartment a lot harsher than he meant to. Even he looks at it with surprise.
It’s clear he feels strongly about this.
“Uh, nothing is wrong with that…” Chimney says hesitantly, like he’s unsure what set Buck off so much. “I didn’t realise you two were serious about this whole co-parenting thing. What about when one of you does find a girlfriend?”
“Won’t happen. I don’t want a girlfriend. I’m happy enough with what Eddie and I have,” Buck says, much calmer this time, feeling bad for snapping at Chimney.
“Are–” Chimney stops for a moment, like he’s debating if what he wants to ask is okay or not. “Are you like… into Eddie?” The hesitance is so obvious in his voice.
“What?” Buck scoffs. “Why does nobody seem to believe that I’m straight? Eddie and I are just friends.”
“Probably because I don’t think I’ve ever seen ‘just friends’ act like you and Eddie do,” Chimney explains. “Listen, I won’t judge. My best friend is a lesbian, I love LGBT people. So, if one day you find that you were wrong, I’m here to listen, okay?”
Buck snorts a half amused, half frustrated laugh before getting into the truck to wait for the rest of the team.
Sure, it’d be nice if Eddie and him could be together, because it’d make everything so much simpler. They could literally have everything with each other, and that sounds honestly kind of perfect.
But, it’s not like that.
Eddie and him are just friends. They’re both straight, so how could it possibly be anything else?
Notes:
I finally got to writing the chapter where buddie finally confess their feelings for each other yippee :D and i just have a few more chapters of them actually being together before i'm finished writing :))) the document is sitting at about 150k words rn so idk maybe the total will be around 175k if i had to guess.
next ch has buck starting to question his sexuality finally lol. i didn't really get into writing the christmas dinner much cuz i guess i just wasn't in a christmasy mood but there's definetly some sill moments in the next one and some cute family ones too
Also this fic has finally surpassed 100k words which is exciting I guess cuz I've never posted something this long
I genuinely thought it was friday today so i was gonna write see y'all on friday but alas it's only tuesday. crazy how not having any sort of schedule really fucks with your perception of time. Anyway hope y'all are still enjoying this fic :)))
Chapter 19
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Christmas came and went just about as fast as everything seems to be these days. Both of the kids didn’t hesitate to wake up their dads at five in the morning on Christmas Eve after they agreed to let them open gifts in the morning since they couldn’t on Christmas Day. One of the main downsides of their job, having to work on holidays.
They spent the morning opening gifts, eating waffles, and watching Christmas movies. It was the sort of Christmas morning that Buck dreamed of experiencing as a kid. Instead all he ever got was Maddie and him opening gifts on their own while their parents threw together a half-effort dinner that they’d end up eating mostly in silence.
Later in the day, Buck had started on dinner for the whole group of people who were coming over. Eddie’s aunt Pepa, and his abuela helped him with the cooking, which Buck was very appreciative of, because it was a lot of food that needed to be made.
About an hour after they started on dinner, guests started arriving. Marina and Chris, as always, had enjoyed spending time with the other kids, while Buck and Eddie socialised with their friends and family.
Buck was fully expecting Eddie’s tía and abuela to question why Eddie was now living with Buck, and why Marina called Eddie ‘Dada’. However, beyond an initial introduction, they just accepted Marina into their family, like they had accepted Buck himself when they first met.
Just another thing to add to the list of things that fill his heart with warmth.
Marina loved the both of them, and they both clearly loved her too. Buck is glad that even if Marina won’t really have any extended biological family in her life other than her aunt Melanie, she’ll have Eddie’s family, and the 118 too.
After that, new years flew by in a blink of an eye as well, and now Eddie officially lives with them. Although it’s been weeks since he last spent the night at his own house, so really, he basically already did. But now he just doesn’t have a place to flee to if Buck pisses him off, basically.
It also means that Buck hasn’t exactly had much alone time. Between the kids, sharing a bed with Eddie, and work, he’s been struggling to find good times to jerk off. And he’s not exactly the type that can just go without it for long.
It makes him wonder how Eddie is surviving this, but he’s afraid to ask. That seems too personal, and every time Buck thinks about it he just starts imagining Eddie jerking off, and then he has to quickly erase that from his mind before he can figure out why he sort of finds the idea hot.
Maybe it’s just because of how pent up he’s become. That’s why the thought of Eddie in a sexual manner doesn’t gross him out, and instead causes a little problem down south that he can’t really do much about. Unless he wants to start showering a suspicious amount, and for a suspicious length of time.
“What are you so lost in thought about?” Hen interrupts his thoughts, sitting down next to him on the couch up on the loft.
Buck blushes slightly. He’s not exactly shy about sex, but something about this is different. Still, he’s honest. In a whisper, he admits, “I’m so… like, horny. With Eddie living with me, I literally never have time to, you know…” He gestures vaguely to emphasise his point.
“Have you considered just asking Eddie to give you some space to you know…?” She mimics his earlier gesture.
“What?! No. That’s weird. Then he’d know what I was doing, and that feels… I don’t know, but I don’t want him to know I’m doing that while I’m doing it.”
“Why not? You’ve never been one to be shy about sex things,” Hen points out.
“Because then all I’d be thinking about is Eddie. Like how he knows, and what he’s thinking about what he knows, and— I just don’t need Eddie invading my sex thoughts anymore than he already does,” Buck explains, and Hen quirks a brow in amusement.
“He already occupies your sex thoughts?” She asks curiously, causing Buck to blush a brighter red, having not previously noticed what he admitted.
“Not– Not like that,” Buck is quick to clarify.
“Then how?”
“I don’t know. Just… Like I’ve been curious as to how he’s not pent up himself. At least he doesn’t seem like it. So sometimes I accidentally imagine him y’know, trying to figure when he’d have the time. And because I’m so horny, or whatever, sometimes it just makes it worse.”
Hen’s eyes are wide at the admission, and Buck doesn’t understand why. That seems perfectly normal. “So, let me get this straight–” She scoffs out a laugh like what she said was funny. Buck doesn’t understand the joke. “You get turned on when you think about Eddie jerking off?”
Buck nods. “But not on purpose. Like, it’s just a biological reaction, y’know? I-I’m obviously into women, it’s just sex is sex, so when I’m this pent up, it all does something for me.”
“Hmm,” Hen hums contemplatively. “So if you thought about Chim in a sexual manner, you’d also get turned on by that?”
Buck scrunches his face in disgust. Not because Chimney is unattractive or something, but the thought of his friend doing stuff like that weirds him out. “Definitely not.”
“So, it’s just Eddie then?” Hen questions. Buck nods. “Have you considered that you might have feelings for him? Even if it’s just sexual. But knowing you two, I’d throw out a guess that it’s not.”
Buck throws his hands up in frustration. “Seriously, why does everybody think I’m secretly gay or whatever, and pining for my straight best friend? I’m not.”
“Buck, you just admitted that you think about Eddie sexually and it turns you on,” Hen points out, seemingly in disbelief that Buck doesn’t get it.
“But not like that. Just… in a friend way,” Buck corrects.
Hen lets out a frustrated sigh, standing up from the couch. “If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. Just think about it. Like really think about it. Because normal friends don’t view their friends like that. Only you’ll know what’s true to you, but maybe look into it.”
“Well, Eddie and I aren’t normal friends,” Buck tells her, ignoring everything else she said.
“At least you can acknowledge that,” she says before walking away, leaving Buck to stew in the aftermath of that conversation.
It would be just wrong to dwindle what Eddie and him are to just ordinary run of the mill friends. They’re more than that, they’re… Buck isn’t quite sure what the word is that fits them right, but normal friends isn’t big enough for what they have. Their bond is far too strong, far too important for that.
Given that, it makes sense that he’d view Eddie differently than he does any other friend. Hen must just not have that with anyone else if she doesn’t understand it. He thought she would though, because he knows that she’s got a pretty great bond with Chimney. Must be different though, probably because they’re both in separate relationships.
Ignoring that for now though, he thinks about what that could imply. Could he really be anything other than straight? He’s got to admit, he’s never actually thought about it, just took the fact that he’s into women as proof he wasn’t.
But he’s an ally, which means he knows it’s a spectrum. And truth be told, the idea of being with a man doesn’t repulse him, but does that mean it’s something he actively wants?
Even if that’s true, he doesn’t think that would have anything to do with Eddie. Either way, Eddie and him are just friends. Really close friends, but just friends.
Speaking of, Eddie walks over, plopping down next to him on the couch right where Hen sat earlier. Although he’s a little closer than she was. Just another part of their close friendship.
“What’s bothering you over here?”
He must have an expression on his face that made Eddie ask that.
“Hen,” Buck replies, earning a confused look from Eddie.
“Hen? What could she have possibly done?” He asks, because he knows Hen, so he knows she’s not exactly the type to get on your nerves.
“It’s nothing, really,” Buck brushes off. It really isn’t a big deal, but it’s just annoying having people constantly getting the wrong impression of his thoughts and feelings. “Just– Do you notice the team likes to make assumptions?”
“And turn them into bets? Yeah," Eddie agrees. “Did Hen assume something that bothered you?”
“I guess so,” Buck admits. “Nothing bad, but Chim basically said the same thing the other day. And come to think of it, my sister too.”
“Do you mind telling me what this assumption is?” Eddie asks, a smidge hesitantly, noticing how Buck is avoiding outright saying it.
“Just stuff about my dating life.” He shrugs.
“Hmm. And why does it bother you that they’d make comments about your dating life? We’re all pretty open about stuff like this with each other, yourself included. Sometimes even more than we bargain for. Usually. What else would we be gossiping about during twenty-four hour shifts?” Eddie jokes.
“Remember what you said the other… month, I guess?” Buck asks, but before Eddie could respond, the alarm goes off. They table it for now, rushing to leave.
—
Honestly, Buck thought Eddie forgot about the conversation, not bringing it up again for the rest of their twenty-four. Which is another thing, Buck is officially back to working full shifts. He loves and hates it. Leaving Marina will never be easy, but he does really love his job.
Eddie does end up bringing it up again though. Not until they’re both laying in bed, and Buck thought Eddie was already sleeping.
“What’d I say the other month?” He asks in the quiet of the room in a half-mumble.
“Oh.” Buck rolls over, facing Eddie, who is already looking at him. “Uh, something about you thinking I wasn’t straight.”
“Did Hen tell you the same thing?”
“Not exactly, but also yes,” Buck says. She didn’t, but surely if she thinks he could have feelings for Eddie, then she thinks he’s not straight.
He isn’t sure if he likes the idea of everyone else around him placing labels on him that he’s never even considered for himself before.
“Have you ever thought about it?”
Buck shakes his head slightly. “No. Never had a reason to, I suppose. I love women, I always have. Nothing has really made me question otherwise. Apparently that hasn’t stopped other people from doing that for me though.”
“So, you’ve never thought about what it’d be like to kiss a guy?” Eddie prompts, almost sounding curious himself.
“Have you?”
“No, but sometimes I think about what my parents would think if I were gay. I think they’d be disappointed," he admits.
“I already know mine would be,” he says with a sort of sad smile. “I don’t think I’d let that stop me though. They’re opinion is their own. If I was not straight, I’d not let them ruin it for me. At least I like to hope so. Secretly I really do care what they think about me,” Buck confesses.
“It’s hard not to. They’re your parents. I think we all carry that desire to be someone our parents can be proud of,” Eddie says, reaching out and placing a hand on Buck’s shoulder. He rubs his thumb soothingly along Buck’s collar.
Buck is just glad that Eddie didn’t press further into what Hen said. If he did, Buck would have to avoid telling him that everyone around him seems to think it’s Eddie specifically that he’s got his eye on. It’s no use saying that all to Eddie, he doesn’t need to make it a thing.
Besides, given that Eddie thought he had a crush on him when they first met, it’s not a zero percent chance that he’d maybe agree with them. And that matters because Buck doesn’t want Eddie to start acting differently around him. He likes the way things are with them right now.
“Well, if you ever want to disappoint your parents, I’m here, you could kiss me,” Buck jokes, but for some reason he’s hoping Eddie takes it seriously, and accepts the offer. He’s just going to assume it’s because he hates Eddie’s parents and wants to piss them off.
Chuckling, Eddie says, “Maybe it’s time you go to sleep, Buckley.”
“Only if you cuddle me,” Buck argues cheekily.
Eddie gives in though, moving to let Buck have a space next to him. Buck, of course, takes the opportunity to snuggle up next to him, using Eddie’s arm as a pillow. Even though Eddie complains that when he does that, he wakes up with his arm asleep. He still never stops Buck from doing it, however.
—
“Good morning, my little sharky.” Buck picks her up from where she’s standing next to him, setting her down onto the counter so that she can watch him cook. Buck knows she likes being able to see what he’s doing.
Currently, he’s cooking breakfast for everyone, having woken up extra early today. He settled on omelets.
“Mornin’” Marina replies, wiping at her eyes like she’s still sleepy.
“Do you want orange juice or apple juice this morning?” Buck inquires.
“Appy juice!” Marina answers excitedly.
“That’s such a good choice!” Buck matches her enthusiasm. “Do you think this is ready to be flipped over?” It is, but Buck likes to include Marina in whatever he’s doing. Most of the time she just says yes.
“I t’ink so.”
“Let’s see.” He flips it over. “Wow, it was the perfect time to flip it over. How did you know?”
Marina just giggles in response.
“I hear laughter in here,” Eddie says, walking into the kitchen, heading directly towards Marina, picking her up. “How did mi princesita sleep last night?”
“Good. I had a dream,” is Marina’s response
“Oh, and what did you dream about?” Eddie prompts, peeking over to see what Buck is cooking.
“Swimmin’ with da fishies!”
Buck smiles at that, it’s definitely not the first time she’s said she’s dreamt about exactly that, but she sounds just as excited every single time she does. Looking over at the pair of them, Buck sees Eddie giving Marina a fond smile too.
“That’s super awesome,” Eddie says. “I wish I had dreams that cool.” Turning to Buck, he adds, “You’re up early.”
“Just one of those mornings.” Buck shrugs.
Truth is, pretty much as soon as he woke up, his brain just kept replaying recent conversations in his head, making him unable to fall back asleep.
However, he has come to the conclusion that they’re all being ridiculous, he’s not in love with Eddie. It’d make no sense if he were.
Because if he was, he’d know. There’s just no way around that. There’s no way he could possibly be harbouring feelings that strong and just be unaware of them. Besides, beyond looking at a hot guy's ass here and there, he hasn’t ever found himself ever looking at men like he does women. So, once again, he’s straight.
Although, he sort of finds himself wishing again that he could be in love with Eddie. That idea still sounds great to him. The premise of being in love with your best friend that you’re basically raising two kids with is the type of shit they write about in books and movies.
Life isn’t a movie though.
“Well, I hope you’re rested enough, because we’ve got a busy day today,” Eddie says, earning a confused head tilt from Buck. He doesn’t remember having any plans today. “Karen won some sort of free weekend getaway from the radio, so I volunteered us to watch Denny while they’re enjoying themselves.” He lets Marina down, who is now probably running off to wake up Chris.
“And you’re just telling me this now?”
Buck turns off the stove now that he has enough food plated for all of them.
Eddie rolls his eyes. “Relax. I just found out like five minutes ago. That’s why I’m up early, thanks for asking by the way,” he says sarcastically. “Hen and Karen were spamming me with messages. The buzzing interrupted my sleep. As they intended, I suppose.”
“Fine by me, I love Denny. I know the kids do too. Guess that means we can’t go to the beach today then,” Buck says with a smirk, like he got his way.
Truth is, after spending several afternoons at the beach with Eddie at this point, Buck isn’t quite sure he is still afraid of it. In fact, he looks forward to their beach dates a lot. But in order to keep it just the two of them for their little weekly beach picnics, Buck has to make Eddie think he’s still afraid of the beach. Otherwise, they’d all just go as a family.
Which, okay, yeah, Buck wants that too. But they do everything as a family nowadays. He wants some Eddie and him time to themselves where they just get to enjoy themselves without the kids. Hen and Karen were supposed to watch them for a couple hours today so they could, but since their plans apparently changed, so did theirs.
Buck is actually sort of bummed out by that. He was looking forward to it.
“Actually, about that. The Wilsons agreed to watch the kids next weekend to make up for it, so… I was thinking, maybe you and I could get away ourselves. I found a beach rental for cheap, because it’s winter. So, what do you think?”
That idea definitely stirs excitement in Buck.
Still, he has to keep playing like he hates the beach. “I– How close to the water is the place exactly?”
“Considering that it’s a beach house, quite close,” Eddie says, like it should be obvious. “We’ll be fine. The odds of a tsunami happening while we are there are incredibly slim. Like if you get caught in one, then it was just meant to be, I guess.”
“Wow, very reassuring.” Buck gives Eddie a deadpan look.
“C’mon. It’ll be fun. We’ll get to relax without kids for a couple days, drink some beer, and not have to cook a thing.”
Sighing like he wasn’t always going to give in, Buck agrees, “Fine. But if we do get caught in a tsunami, you owe me like five puppies.”
“Puppies?”
“Well, I was going to say a million bucks, but I know you don’t have that kind of money, and I’d feel bad taking it from you. You could swing a few puppies though, I imagine,” Buck explains, earning a grin from Eddie.
“Okay. Deal.”
—
“Thanks again,” Hen says, stepping out the door with a wave.
“Enjoy your weekend,” Eddie calls out before shutting the door behind her.
Denny hasn’t wasted any time, already long gone towards Chris’ room, probably to play games on Chris’ Switch. Marina, for once, is choosing to hang out with her dads in the living room instead of being glued to Chris’ side.
“Can we go park?” She asks, hopeful.
“I don’t see why not,” Buck agrees. “Let me go see if the boys are interested. If not, just you and I can go.”
“Let me go ask,” Eddie offers, already stepping away towards Chris’ room.
Buck, in the meantime, gets Marina ready to go outside, sitting her down to get some shoes on her before putting a jacket on her too. By the time he’s done that, Eddie comes back in.
“They seem to just want to play games. They also asked if we can have pizza for dinner.”
“I’m down for pizza,” Buck agrees. “We can get some chicken wings too. I’m going to take Marina to the park on my own then. We’ll be back in a bit.”
“Alright, see you soon.” Eddie gives them a smile as Buck opens up the door.
As he’s walking his daughter towards the playground, he realises that this is the first time it’s been just the two of them in a while. Usually Eddie is tagging along with whatever they’re doing too. If not him, then Buck is usually watching Chris too. It might be nice to get some one on one time with her again.
It’s strange to think about though, because when she first came into his life, Buck felt like he was so alone in this. Only to now feel such a welcomed overwhelming feeling of support and people in his corner. The most significant being Eddie of course.
He really stepped up when it wasn’t any obligation to him. He didn’t need to come into her life and become a second dad to her, but he did. He didn’t need to be Buck’s partner in raising her, and move in to help, but he did.
Buck still isn’t quite so sure how he managed to earn that, but he’s grateful he did.
“Daddy,” Marina says as they continue walking.
“Hmm?”
“I love you!” She’s sporting a cheerful grin, one that Buck is now mirroring.
“I love you too,” Buck returns. He would ask what prompted this, but she’s three, she says random things all the time.
“Am I your favorite?” She asks, skipping alongside Buck as the playground comes into view.
“Of course you are,” Buck assures.
“More than Chris?” She looks at him with a tilted head.
“I love you both equally,” he tells her. It’s true. While Chris might not be his actual son, Buck can’t help but love him like he is. “But I love you two more than anybody else.”
“Even Dada?” She has a shocked expression on her face.
“Yes.” Buck chuckles. “Even more than your dada.”
“You gonna marry Dada?” She asks, pulling him towards the swing set.
There has to be something he’s missing. How is it that everyone from strangers to coworkers to apparently his own daughter are asking him if he and Eddie are something more than just friends.
“Uh… no. Sweetie, your dada and I are just friends. We aren’t together, so we won’t ever be getting married.” Which sucks because Marina would make the most adorable flower girl.
Stopping what she’s doing, she looks at Buck like he just said the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard. “Why?”
“Why what? Why we’re not together?” He guesses. She nods. Buck tries to sort this out in his mind in a way that she’d understand better. “It’s sort of complicated. We both love each other very much, but the way we love each other is different from what people who get married feel.”
“How’s different?”
This might be hard to explain.
“When two people want to get married, it’s because they love each other, and want to be a family together.” That won’t help explain, because Eddie and him love each other and have a family. “Uh… But they also–” He was going to say live together and share a bed, but once again he’s not making it any simpler for her. “Want to kiss each other.”
There we go. Buck definitely doesn’t want to kiss Eddie, so that’ll work. He does sort of wonder what it’d be like though.
“Why you no kiss Dada?” She sounds genuinely curious, like she can’t wrap her mind around Buck not wanting to be with Eddie. He wonders why she thinks they’re supposed to be.
“Because it’s not something friends usually do.”
“Mommy says kisses means I love you,” she says, reaching up to the swing to finally try and get on.
“Depends. They definitely can mean that,” Buck agrees, lifting her onto the seat. “But you can tell someone you love them without kisses.”
“Seems silly,” she argues. “Higher!” Buck complies, pushing her higher.
“Daddy?”
“Hmm?” This next question could really be anything.
“Why’s sky blue?”
Buck chuckles, then goes into a simplified explanation as to why the sky appears blue. Marina finds it fascinating, but only for a moment before she’s asking something new.
—
“Marina asked me why we’re not getting married today,” Buck tells Eddie as they’re grabbing a change of clothes to sleep in.
Eddie chuckles like he was thrown off by that comment. “What put that idea in her head?”
“Not sure.” Buck shrugs. “But I have ideas.”
“And what ideas are those?”
“Well, she’s not the first person to bring up this topic to me,” Buck informs. “I’m thinking one of them planted that idea in her brain.”
Now Eddie is chuckling like he thinks Buck is being ridiculous. “I highly doubt people are going around gossiping to our three year old.”
Buck really likes the ‘our’ in that sentence. It sounds right. She is theirs. Might as well be, when Buck knows that Eddie will always play this big role in her life. They’ve definitely had many conversations about it by now, but still, the simple throwaway word of ours means more than the world to him.
“You clearly don’t know our friends well enough if you think that they wouldn’t,” Buck argues.
“There’s a difference between gossip and confusing a three year old. I can’t imagine any of them intentionally trying to confuse her like that,” Eddie argues back.
Eddie might be right, but Buck won’t tell him that.
“Still, our friends need hobbies. Maybe that way they won’t be so invested in making up random shit about my love life.” Pulling off his shirt, he tosses it towards the laundry bin, missing it, but leaving it for later. He then puts on a clean shirt.
“It’s really bugging you that they think you like me, huh?” The way Eddie says confuses Buck, but mostly because he can’t quite decipher what he’s thinking, which is unusual for him. If he had to throw out a guess, he’d say that Eddie is bothered that Buck is bothered. Which Buck doesn’t understand, so it can’t be right.
But beyond that, he swears he never mentioned that whole part to him. How does he know they think that? Have they told Eddie themselves? Surely they wouldn’t.
“No, it’s not– It’s honestly kinda nice that they think I could pull someone as great as you,” Buck says absentmindedly. “I think I just– It’s weird that they’re just sort of assuming that I like men. Not that liking men is wrong. I’m an ally, you know that. I don’t know, it’s making me question whether or not there’s something I just don’t see that everybody else seems to.”
Yeah, he’s still flipping back and forth on an answer on that.
“You’re questioning whether or not it could be true? That you like men?”
Buck sighs. “I guess.”
“You could take one of those online quizzes?” Eddie suggests, it’s half sincere, half a joke, Buck thinks.
Chuckling, Buck says, “I don’t think some dumb quiz made by a teenager is going to suddenly make me aware of an attraction that I’m pretty sure isn’t there.”
“Okay. Why don’t you–” Eddie stops, shaking his head like he regrets starting to suggest whatever came to mind.
“No, what were you going to say?” Buck prods, curious.
“Test it out. Find a guy you find relatively attractive, and I don’t know, kiss him. See how it feels.”
Immediately, one specific man came to mind. Eddie. But that won’t work, they’re friends, and Buck will just like it because they are friends. It’d need to be someone else. He doesn’t want to lead anyone on though, so he thinks he’d have to pass.
“I’d feel bad using some stranger to figure this out.”
“Then don’t use a stranger, or tell them you’re just curious and want to try it out. But… I’m willing to help out if you really want,” Eddie offers hesitantly.
Buck’s eyes shoot open in surprise, not having expected Eddie to suggest that. “What?”
“I mean, even if you don’t have feelings for me, you should still be able to figure out if you like kissing guys if you, y’know, kiss a guy. Me.”
“It can’t be you,” Buck says quickly, getting an offended look from Eddie.
“And why not?”
“Because obviously I’d like kissing you.”
Eddie just stares at him, blinking repeatedly for a few moments. Then he mutters, “Huh?”
“I, uh, know that I’d like kissing you, so it wouldn’t actually help me figure out if I like kissing guys who aren’t you,” Buck clarifies, but based on the expression on Eddie’s face, Buck doesn’t think it was very helpful.
“Okay, hold up. Do you….actually have feelings for me?” Eddie asks, hesitant and confused.
“What?” Buck spurts out, shocked that Eddie would jump to that conclusion. “No! Why–”
Before he could finish that sentence, Eddie jumps in. “Because you just said that you ‘know’ you’d like kissing me!” He says defensively.
“I meant because you’re my best friend. Of course I’d like kissing my best friend!” Buck says like it should’ve been obvious. To him it was.
Running a hand down his face, Eddie mumbles, “I’m starting to understand why everyone keeps jumping to that conclusion.”
“Well, can you make me privy to that information,” Buck pleads.
“Because I think you keep phrasing things in a way that makes it sound like you do,” Eddie explains. “I genuinely can’t figure out how in your head you can hear yourself think about how you’d enjoy kissing your friend, but platonically. That doesn’t make sense.”
“It’s true though.”
“I believe you, because, well, you’re Buck. I just don’t get it.”
“Well, you don’t have to get it, because we’re not kissing.” Buck turns away grumpily, crossing his arms in a sort of pout.
“Okay, that’s fine. If you change your mind, let me know. Otherwise, I’m just going to go to sleep,” Eddie informs, climbing under the covers.
Buck doesn’t say anything, just moves to his side of the bed, still facing away from Eddie. He thinks he can feel Eddie rolling his eyes at him from behind him. He doesn’t say anything though, so Buck just lays there, trying to sleep.
—
He was not very successful.
It wasn’t until about ten minutes before his alarm before he actually managed to get some shut eye. His head was too busy being filled with many different questions.
But it landed on the same conclusion. Everyone is just being ridiculous, he only views Eddie as a friend. He knows this because the way he feels for Eddie hasn’t changed. It’s been like this for a while, so obviously it’s just platonic. If he felt romantic or even sexual feelings for him, he’d have noticed a change in how he views Eddie. It’s always been like this, nothing new.
When his alarm goes off, the first thing Buck does is groan.
“You alright, Buck?” Eddie asks, voice raspy from sleep.
“Yeah, just didn’t sleep well,” he admits, turning to face Eddie, seeing him give him a concerned look.
“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable last night,” Eddie apologises, looking regretful.
“Hey, no. You didn’t,” Buck assures, giving Eddie a small smile. “Just got a lot on my mind. Probably good that we’re getting a get-away this weekend. Good stress reliever.”
“It’ll be nice,” Eddie agrees. “You think you’ll be alright for work today?”
Nodding, Buck says, “Yeah. I’ll just take a nap after breakfast.”
–
Buck did not get a chance to take a nap after breakfast, because they immediately got called out to a small fire at a local restaurant.
“Thanks, again, this was really embarrassing,” the restaurant owner, James, says sheepishly.
“Don’t worry about it, we see people accidentally setting fires all the time, in much more embarrassing ways.” Buck chuckles as a few come to mind.
“Well, there goes my dream restaurant, but at least I got to be rescued by a really hot man.” James is now blushing. “Sorry, you’re working, I shouldn’t be hitting on you. Just sort of thought, hey, I’m having a bad day, you know what would make it better? Getting the hot firefighter’s number.”
“Oh.” Buck is now the one blushing. “Uh, I gotta admit. I’m not exactly sure if I’m into guys or not. It’s a newer question.”
“How about this… I give you my number, and if you feel like experimenting a little bit, give me a call.”
Buck nods, passing his phone to James to input his number. Looking at him, Buck can’t help but admit that he is definitely a good looking guy, and he has a great ass. He thinks he’ll give him a call, go along with Eddie’s suggestion.
“I hope to see you around, Buck,” James says with a grin before stepping away to go talk to someone else.
When they’re done at the scene, Buck finds himself getting into the engine with a grin on his face.
“What’s got you so happy?” Hen questions, giving him a curious expression.
“I think I’ve got a date?”
“You think?” Hen prods.
“With who?” It almost sounds like Eddie is upset with that, Buck wonders why.
“Uh, the owner of the restaurant,” Buck says, looking at the lot of them hesitantly. Logically he knows that they’d all be okay with him maybe sort of being not straight. However, it’s still a vulnerable thing to admit. Especially when he’s still so unsure.
“He was easy on the eyes,” Hen admits with a grin. “Good for you, Buck.”
“I thought you weren’t interested in dating?” Eddie mutters.
Tilting his head in confusion, Buck tries to figure out why Eddie seems upset with him. “You were the one who said I should ‘test it out’, see if I’m actually interested in guys. This guy is nice, attractive, and I’m actually looking forward to this. I figure that’s a pretty good indication, but still. He’s okay with me experimenting with him, so I’m going to.”
“Right. Have fun.” Eddie turns to stare out the window, and Buck can’t help but feel like he did something wrong.
“So, Buck, when’s the big date?” Chimney asks, turning the conversation away from Eddie.
Buck shrugs. “Not sure. He gave me his number, and told me to call if I’m interested. I’m gonna call.”
“You should,” Hen chimes in. “And for the record, despite that it’s obvious, I support you, and if you need someone to talk to about all these new feelings, you’ve always got me in your corner.”
Smiling shyly, Buck thanks her. “I appreciate that, Hen.”
He then turns to Eddie, seeing him still avoiding looking at him.
“Also for the record, I’m here to be the best Buck ally there is!” Chimney says excitedly, earning a chuckle from Buck.
They arrive at the station pretty shortly after that, and as Buck is putting away his gear, Bobby approaches him. “I hope this isn’t necessary, but I just wanted to say just in case, I’ll always support you.”
“Thank you, Bobby.” Buck gives him a warm smile. “I’m still a little unsure, but I think maybe this could be the thing about me that’s felt like was missing this whole time.”
“Have you been considering this for a while?”
Shaking his head, Buck admits, “I never really thought about it until everyone around me was sort of assuming it. And I guess, I wanted to see if maybe there was any truth to it. I am exhausted though, so I’m going to hit the bunks.”
When Buck wakes up, he goes to call James as he’s grabbing a snack to set up the date, only to discover that his number isn’t in his phone any more.
“What the hell?”
“Hmm?” Hen hums.
“I must not have saved James’ number properly.” His face drops in defeat, feeling really bummed out by this. “It’s not in my phone.”
“Oh, that sucks.” She gives him a pity expression. “Maybe you can find him on Facebook or something?”
“I don’t know his last name.” Buck sighs. “Guess it wasn’t meant to be.”
After that, Buck, unintentionally, was kind of bummed out for the rest of the shift. He doesn’t think it’s entirely about James, but rather the possibility of figuring out if this is the puzzle piece he’s been looking for.
It’s as Eddie and him are getting into his Jeep to head home when Eddie turns to him.
“I’m sorry, Buck.”
“For what?”
“I deleted James’ number from your phone,” he confesses, looking genuinely apologetic.
“Why?” Buck’s brows are furrowed, a little pissed off.
“Here.” Eddie passes Buck a small piece of paper with a number on it. “I managed to get it for you. So, if you want, you can call him.”
“I–” He’s feeling mixed emotions right now. For one, he’s pissed off that Eddie did this in the first place. For another, Eddie went out of his way to somehow replace it for him, which Buck does appreciate. Still, “Why though? Do you have some sort of problem with me dating a–”
“No!” Eddie jumps in to clarify. “I do not have any problems with that. I guess I was just upset over the idea of you dating, because we both talked about how we weren’t. But then I remembered you saying that our family would still come first, and I realised I was being sort of ridiculous. I shouldn't stop you from being happy, and maybe discovering new things about yourself.”
“Oh, I guess if it was the other way around, I’d probably have done something even dumber.” He doesn’t doubt that to be true. When it comes to Eddie, Buck sometimes forgets how to react rationally.
“So, you gonna call?”
Buck shakes his head. “Nah. I think deep down, I just got so defensive over people assuming my sexuality because I knew it was true, but was stubborn to admit it just because I didn’t figure it out first. I’d rather focus on what we’ve got, our family. It’d have been just a fling, if anything, with James.”
Eddie looks relieved at that, and Buck can’t help but let out a light chuckle.
“For the record, I’m happy for you, and this doesn’t change a thing between us.” Eddie gives him a smile that Buck notices doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Yeah, I’m, uh, glad.” The words come out, but Buck can’t help but feel like they're a lie, despite the fact that he was being truthful.
Notes:
i feel like a lot more happens in this chapter than what i remember writing in it lol. And I may have written Buck being like extra dumb in this one but he's just very deep in denial at the moment 😭
But we do have buck finally getting to the point where he's like hey maybe I'm not super straight so that's a plus. And a little bit of jealous Eddie which is always fun.
Also I am so so close to being fully done writing this fic and I cannot wait for that because this has taken me forever to write lol but I have been really enjoying it. However I can't wait to move into the next fic.
As always hoped y'all liked this one and see ya on Tuesday :D
Chapter 20
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Since they’re both going to be missing a shift to go away this weekend– Shout out to Benjamin and Charlie from B-shift for agreeing to cover for them– Eddie picked up a shift covering for someone else on B-shift that needed it. Buck still has the day off. However, since Eddie’s alarm woke him up, Buck just decided to help Eddie get Chris up and ready for school. Marina doesn’t need to be up yet, so they let her sleep in.
“Can you–” Eddie starts, but Buck wordlessly already knew that Eddie would need a knife from the drawer, so Buck passes one to him. “Thanks.”
When Eddie is done spreading some jam onto a slice of bread, he places a second piece of bread on top before Buck passes him the container Chris uses for his lunch. Buck then gets started on breakfast, so that both Chris and Eddie can eat something before they have to go.
It has to be something quick, so he settles on scrambled eggs.
When that’s done, Eddie is passing Buck three plates before Buck needs to ask, just as Chris walks in.
“Did you brush your teeth?” Buck asks, platting the breakfast.
“Yes,” Chris groans. “You’re starting to sound too much like Dad.”
“Probably has something to do with him actually being a dad now,” Eddie says with a grin. “Take a seat.” Chris does, and Buck passes him a plate.
Eddie goes to finish putting Chris’ lunch together, but Buck stops him. “Sit. I can finish it. Eat before you have to go.” Eddie rolls his eyes, but obeys, taking a seat across from Chris.
Buck then pulls a juice box out, stuffing that into Chris’ lunch, along with a couple snacks to go along with the sandwich. When he deems the lunch to be satisfactory enough, he puts it inside Chris’ backpack.
After both Eddie and Chris are done with their eggs, Eddie carries their plates over to the sink. Buck turns on the tap, washing the dishes as Eddie pulls out a towel to dry them and put them away.
Buck realises that they function like a well oiled machine in the mornings. Eddie just knows what Buck will need without being told, and vice versa. It’s a lot like when they’re out on calls and they can just anticipate what needs to be done to do the rescue as quickly as possible. It’s so ingrained in them that they don’t even doubt that the other will have their back. Not a moment's hesitation, just in sync movements.
“Now you go sit and eat before it gets too cold,” Eddie suggests, ushering Buck towards the table.
Putting the first bite into his mouth, Buck notices that it’s already too cold, but he doesn’t regret making sure Eddie and Chris ate first. So, he ignores that it doesn’t taste as good as it must’ve for them, and shoves another forkful into his mouth while Eddie and Chris get their jackets and shoes on.
Glancing over, Buck notices that Eddie forgot his keys on the counter just as Eddie starts patting his pockets to look for them. Getting up, Buck grabs them for him, then brings them over while Eddie searches the bowl beside the door for them. Chris is already out the door, eager to be on his way.
“Usually I’m the one who can’t find their keys,” Buck teases. He’s about to pass them to Eddie, but stops to give Eddie a quick kiss goodbye first. “Have a good shift.”
Seeing Eddie’s wide eyed expression, Buck clues in to what he just did, and immediately starts panicking. He doesn’t say anything, just proceeds to start closing the door, using it to push Eddie away from him and out the house. Mostly so that he can panic in peace and not have to face Eddie until his brain isn’t going a hundred miles a minute.
When the door is shut, Buck locks it, taking a few steps back with wide eyes, trying to think of ways to turn back time.
God, I can’t believe I just kissed my best friend. Why would I do that?
An insistent knocking interrupts his spiral before it goes too far. Buck knows it’s Eddie. He probably wants to talk about what just happened. Buck does not.
“Who is it?” He asks through the door, voice a smidge jittery.
“Buck,” Eddie sighs, almost sounding annoyed.
“You can’t be Buck, I’m Buck, and I’m in here,” he jokes awkwardly, hoping Eddie will focus on literally anything other than that damn kiss.
“Just open the damn door.”
For a second Buck is wondering why Eddie hasn’t opened the door himself, then he realises that he is still holding Eddie’s keys. So, really, that just means that he can push this till at least tomorrow morning when Eddie is back from his shift.
“Buck, I can’t drive without my keys.”
Right. He didn’t think about that.
Sighing, knowing he’s not getting out of facing Eddie right now, Buck opens the door, giving him a sheepish, apologetic expression. “Here.” He holds out the keys.
“I don’t need to be a mind reader to know you’re freaking out,” Eddie says. “I know you’re freaking out, but it’s fine, really. I’ve offered to kiss you, so I’ll just take this as you accepting that offer. Relax, no big deal.”
Buck nods, but his brain is still making it a big deal anyways. “I swear I didn’t mean to. It’s just– It was a force of habit.”
“Force of habit? You kiss your friends goodbye a lot?” Eddie teases.
Shaking his head with a slight roll of his eyes, Buck explains, “No. I mean, like us getting ready just felt so… domestic. And I guess it just felt like I was saying goodbye to my wife or something, and when you do that, you kiss them, so my tired and confused brain just sort of went with it. So it was more of a societal habit than a personal habit.”
“And I’m your wife in this scenario?”
“I guess?” Buck shrugs.
“Well, it’s unfortunate that I missed our wedding. I think it’d have been fun,” Eddie jokes with a grin. “Look, I’ve got to go, but I’ll see you in the morning.”
Buck doesn’t respond past another nod, mostly still just in his head. He does see Eddie roll his eyes, then before he knows it, Eddie is leaning in to kiss him. That is a sure fire way to pull him out of his thoughts.
“I–”
“Figured you’d panic less if you weren’t the only one who kissed their best friend– or I guess make-believe spouse?– this morning,” Eddie says with a grin, then steps away towards his car without another word.
Standing there dumbfounded, Buck brings a hand up to his lips to trace where he just felt Eddie’s lips on his. Twice.
“Daddy?” Buck hears Marina call from down the hall. He then shuts the front door, turning to walk towards her.
“Good morning, sweetheart.” Buck picks her up, pulling her in for a hug. “What would you like for breakfast?”
“Waffle!”
“I should have guessed,” he says with a chuckle, bringing her to the kitchen.
–
After Buck made sure Marina was fed and changed for the day, he decided they were going to go on an impromptu trip to Maddie’s place.
Knocking on the door, Buck waits for Maddie to open it. However, it was not Maddie, but rather Chimney who did.
“Buck?”
“Oh, I was–”
“Here to see your sister, I presume?” Chimney guesses and Buck nods.
“Yeah, wanted to talk to her about something,” Buck explains.
Chimney glances between him and Marina before offering, “Well, if you two wanted to chat, I can bring this wonderful little princess to the park? Would you like that?” He says that last part to Marina who nods eagerly.
“Thanks, Chim,” Buck appreciates, stepping inside the apartment.
“Maddie is on the phone in her room, but she should be out in a couple minutes,” Chimney explains, putting on a jacket. “Ready to go?” He asks Marina. She nods, reaching a hand out to hold Chimney’s as they walk out the door.
Buck, in the meantime, grabs himself a drink from their fridge, some orange juice, as he waits. He isn’t waiting long though, because just as he’s pouring it into the glass he grabbed, Maddie steps out, looking surprised to see him.
Before she could get a word in though, to question why he’s there, he blurts out, “I kissed Eddie.”
With shock in her eyes, she says, “Wow. I think I’m going to need coffee for this conversation.”
She gets herself a cup of coffee as Buck waits impatiently. They talk about other random small talk things in the meantime.
And after she’s had a sip of her drink, she asks, “Okay. Tell me the whole story.”
“It’s not really much of a story,” Buck admits. “I was saying goodbye and I don’t know, I just kissed him.”
“How did Eddie react?”
“He was shocked, then I pushed him out the door and locked him out. And by the time I let him back in, he just seemed annoyed,” Buck recalls.
Nodding, Maddie agrees, “I can see why he’d be annoyed. Why did you lock him out?”
“I-I just panicked,” Buck defends, though he knows it’s sort of a weak argument.
“And how do you feel about the kiss?” She prods, taking another sip of her coffee.
“I mean… it didn’t mean anything. It’s not like I’m interested in him like that,” Buck assures.
“Right, because you’re both straight,” she supplies, hiding her expression with another sip of her drink.
“Actually, Eddie is, I’m pretty sure I’m not.” He shrugs. “It’s a new development. Honestly, I thought Chim would have told you.”
“Okay, Chim might suck at keeping a secret, but he’s not going to out someone,” Maddie points out. “So how’d you figure this information out?” She seems almost relieved at the news, but also quite curious.
What Maddie said though, makes Buck realise that telling people that he might probably like guys is in fact coming out. It’s weird, because to him, it’s just another part of him. Doesn’t feel like a big deal. Still, he appreciates Chimney for keeping that to himself.
Buck shrugs. “Dunno. Guess everybody assuming so made me question if it was true. Turns out it was.”
“And you still don’t think maybe you could feel something more for Eddie?” She sounds hesitant in her question.
Rightfully so, because Buck is quick to shut that down. “No, I don’t. Eddie and I are just friends. Same as always.” His voice is firm like he won’t be hearing any sort of argument against it.
“Okay, so why do you think you kissed him then?”
“I don’t know, for a moment there it felt like we were some married couple, and human instinct took over,” Buck explains.
“So you’re saying that you kissed Eddie on instinct? Like your body and brain just felt like it had to kiss Eddie?” She asks to clarify.
Buck nods. “Yeah, exactly.”
She blinks and shakes her head ever so slightly, like she did when she thought Buck said or did something stupid. “Okay, well, what seems to be the problem then? If Eddie didn’t say anything or do anything, and you ‘don’t’ have feelings for him, then what’s the big deal?”
“Well, Eddie kissed me back, but that’s besides the point–”
“No, that doesn’t seem besides the point. What do you mean he kissed you back?” She’s pinching her brows together like she’s trying very hard to solve an equation without the information she needs to do so. She takes another sip of her coffee, probably needing the caffeine.
“He could tell I was overthinking it, so he kissed me so that I would be less stressed,” Buck recalls, moving to rinse out the cup he was using that’s now empty.
Maddie is pinching the bridge of her nose like she can feel a headache coming on. “Whatever. If you two want to kiss each other and tell yourselves it doesn’t mean anything, then by all means.”
“It doesn’t mean anything,” Buck repeats confidently.
Maddie rolls her eyes at him. “So, where’s Chim?”
“With Marina, he offered to give us space to talk.”
—
“So, was it everything you imagined it’d be?” Eddie asks as he plops down on the bed next to where Buck has been scrolling on his phone, waiting for either of the kids to come ask him to make breakfast.
“Hmm?” Buck gives him a confused look.
“The kiss. You said you knew you’d like kissing me. So… was it as good as you imagined?” His tone is bordering on teasing and joking, but Buck can tell there’s a hint of curiosity there too.
Buck just smacks him with a pillow.
Eddie laughs, lifting it and smacking back. “Answer the question.”
“It was barely a kiss. How am I supposed to give it fair judgement?”
“I could kiss you properly, then we can see?” Eddie is wearing a smirk that ironically, Buck wants to kiss off of his face, he realises. Platonically, of course.
“Or we could go make breakfast for the kids,” Buck suggests, sitting up. He feels like kissing Eddie again would be a bad idea. Besides, he’s about ninety-nine percent sure Eddie is joking.
“You’re no fun,” Eddie pouts, but he’s grinning like he’s joking, confirming Buck’s suspicions. “After breakfast, I am taking a nap,” Eddie says with a yawn as he gets up.
“Did you get lots of calls last night?” Buck asks, getting a confirmative nod from Eddie. “I can get the kids up and fed, you just sleep.” Buck lightly pushes him back towards the bed, letting him know it’s not up for debate. Eddie, as tired as he is, relents, laying back down. “Night, Eddie.”
“Night,” Eddie mumbles, already sounding half asleep. Buck chuckles lightly at that before making his way to get the kids up.
—
“Thanks again for this,” Eddie says towards both Hen and Karen, whose house they’re currently at to drop the kids off so that they can go away for the weekend.
“No, we should be the ones thanking you guys for stepping in at the last minute last weekend. Our trip was fantastic,” Karen replies. “Hoping yours is equally as fun.”
Chris has already run off to presumably play video games with Denny, but Marina is still holding onto Buck’s hand by the doorway. This is the first time he’s leaving her for a whole weekend, and he’s definitely anxious about it, but he trusts his friends dearly, so he knows she’ll be fine. Still, it's not easy to leave your kid.
It seems like Marina feels similar about being away from her dads for the weekend as they feel about being away from her, because she’s looking up at them like she’s silently begging them not to go.
Crouching down, Buck reassures, “It’s just for a couple nights, my sweet little sharky. We’ll be back so soon, and I just know you’ll have so much fun with the Wilson’s.”
“Oh, definitely,” Hen chimes in. Whispering and shielding her mouth from Buck and Eddie like they wouldn’t be able to hear right next to her, she adds, “It’s a secret, but we’ve got ice cream in the freezer, and cookies too. Plus Finding Nemo to watch later. How does that sound?”
Immediately Marina’s posture changes, turning to excitement. She turns to Buck and Eddie, waving at them. “Bye bye!”
All four adults get a laugh out of that.
Eddie picks her up, pulling her into a hug before leaving a kiss on her cheek and putting her back down. Buck does practically the same thing. Eddie then shouts that they’re leaving into the house for Chris to hear, earning a quiet sounding bye coming from the direction of Denny’s room.
Shaking his head, Eddie says, “I thought I’d have until he was a teen before he was too cool to properly say goodbye to me.”
“I’m pretty sure he’s just excited to play that new game we bought Denny the other day,” Karen says, just as Chris appears in the hallway. He walks up to Eddie before giving him a hug, then the same to Buck.
“Bye,” he says, properly this time, then once again retreats.
Buck is smiling as he says, “Guess he still isn’t too cool for goodbye hugs yet.”
—
Pulling up to the rental unit they’re staying at, Buck shakes Eddie’s shoulder to wake him up. They were supposed to switch halfway, even though it wasn’t too long of a drive, but Eddie fell asleep, and Buck wanted him to get some rest, so he just drove the rest of the way.
Blinking a couple times, Eddie tries to take in his surroundings. “‘S it my turn to drive?” He slurs slightly, still groggy from sleep.
“No.” Buck chuckles. “We’re already there. C’mon, let’s bring the stuff inside.”
Rubbing a hand down his face, Eddie looks at the house, recognizing it at the one from the pictures online. “Shit. You could’ve woken me up, you know?”
“I know,” Buck assures. “Just figured if you fell asleep that easily, you must’ve been tired.”
“I was,” Eddie agrees.
Last night Marina had one of her nightmares, the first one in quite some time at this point. Apparently she came into their room and woke up Eddie crying. Buck slept through it, which he feels horrible about. But Eddie comforted her, and kept her company until she fell back asleep. Which is why he was tired, also why Buck felt bad about the idea of waking him up to drive.
The two of them get out of Buck’s Jeep, both going to grab their bags and such that they brought for the weekend out of the trunk. Then they make their way inside, Eddie inputting the pin that the owner of the house gave to them.
Looking around, Buck admires the place. “It’d be so nice to be rich enough to own a place like this.”
“Yup, but instead we chose to risk our lives constantly for what is probably less money than we deserve,” Eddie responds, dropping his bag onto the couch to deal with later.
“To be fair, I could have been a millionaire,” Buck recalls.
“How?” Eddie gives him a suspicious look.
“The settlement the LAFD offered me was worth a few mil,” Buck tells him, earning a shocked look from Eddie.
“And you turned that down?”
Buck shrugs. “Wasn’t about the money. I just wanted my job.”
“I think I underestimated just how badly you wanted to be back at work,” Eddie claims. “Most people would have jumped at the settlement and figured something different out.”
“Guess I’m not like most people then.” Another small shrug as he digs through his own bag to search for something.
“Yeah, you’re really not.” When Eddie says that, it comes out sounding incredibly fond. Buck turns and gives him a shy smile before going back to his earlier task.
“I think I forgot my charger,” Buck announces, still rummaging through his bag. “It’s definitely not in here.”
“Good thing I brought two just in case,” Eddie says, pulling out a charger from his bag and passing it to Buck. “While that charges, do you want to go check out the beach?”
“Uh… sure.” He fakes hesitance, still not wanting Eddie to know he’s lying.
They make their way outside through the backdoor, both taking their shoes off so as to not cover them in sand. Then they start walking towards where the waves are consistently hitting the land.
Letting the ends of the waves run over their feet, Eddie turns to Buck. For the briefest moment, Buck thinks Eddie is going to kiss him again with the look on his face, and his heart starts beating a little faster in excitement that he just claims is because he likes being kissed. Not because it’s Eddie.
Eddie doesn’t though, instead he just grins and admits, “I know you’re not actually all that afraid of the beach anymore.”
A stunned expression washes over Buck. “Uh, I– What?”
He’s still not quite at the place where he’d say he’s fond of the beach again, and being close to the water still causes the hair to raise on his skin in slight alarm, but to a degree that he can handle it.
Eddie snorts out a laugh. “Buck, I know you well enough to know when you’re lying. I just… I can’t quite seem to put my finger on why.”
“Why what?” Buck plays dumb, mostly to delay the inevitable confession that he just likes their picnic dates.
Rolling his eyes at him, Eddie says, “You know what, why you’re lying about being afraid. Just seems a bit odd. At first I thought it was because maybe you were just afraid to go with the kids, but Marina told me you have taken her to the beach before.”
That is true. Once he was able to rationalize the likelihood that anything would go wrong again would be so slim, he decided one day to bring his daughter to the beach himself. He wanted to see the excitement on her face at the sight of the waves, he wanted to see her try and build a wonky looking sandcastle, he just didn’t want to keep missing out on spending this time with her.
It was incredibly stressful in a way that going with Eddie never was, because he found himself spending a lot of time staring at the water, almost as if waiting for it to start receding way too far.
For some reason though, Buck didn’t consider that it was obvious that Marina would tell Eddie about it.
“Um…” Buck tries to come up with any sort of lie to get himself out of this, but Eddie just gives him a look, and he caves. “I like spending time at the beach with you. I like our little picnics. Just us. Figured if I wasn’t afraid anymore, we’d all just go together. Which I do want, to be clear. But–”
“But you want time for just the two of us as well,” Eddie cuts him off with to finish his sentence.
Buck nods.
“I get that. As much as someone loves their kid, it’s inevitable that they’d want to spend time around just adults. We can work that out. We can have just us activities, and separate activities as a family,” Eddie assures. “You do know you could have just told me that, right?”
Buck blushes in slight embarrassment, because yeah, that’d make the most sense. Just communicate. “I guess I was just worried we’d have to stop our picnic dates. I’ve grown quite fond of them,” he admits with a chuckle.
“Hmm, maybe we can try other types of dates then,” Eddie suggests, and Buck finds his heart racing in excitement at the idea once. Once again, he finds an excuse as to why that doesn’t include having feelings for Eddie. He can’t help but feel disappointed though, when Eddie adds, “I’m sure there’s lots of things for friends to go out and do together.”
It’s a little bit harder to explain why that upsets him without digging too deep into it, getting too close to the truth, but of course he finds a way to rationalize it to himself. Even if someone from the outside looking in would probably be able to find the truth in a blink of the eye.
“Uh, yeah, that– That sounds nice.” He gives Eddie a weak smile.
Before Buck can realise what’s happening, Eddie is tackling Buck into the cold ocean water, startling him.
“Fuck, Eddie, that’s freezing,” he complains, standing up with a new shiver. Eddie just stands there grinning, still mostly dry except for the few spots where the water Buck splashed up has landed on him.
That won’t do, Buck thinks to himself, grabbing Eddie and pulling him down into the shallow section of water they were previously standing in. Eddie yelps as the cold washed over him, earning a proud grin from Buck.
“I see what you mean,” Eddie agrees, now shivering himself.
They’re in such a large body of water with plenty of space all around them, and yet, they don’t stray further than a couple feet from each other.
“Have you ever kissed someone underwater?” Buck asks without really thinking about it. Truth be told, he wasn’t even aware he was thinking it.
Shaking his head slightly, Eddie replies, “No, can’t say I have. I’ve kissed Shannon while in water, but never underneath.”
“Do you want to try?” The question is genuine, but Buck shoots Eddie a playful look just in case Eddie isn’t actually up for it.
Tilting his head at Buck with clear curiosity in his eyes, Eddie is about to say something, but before he can get the words out a wave they weren’t expecting climbs over them, shoving both of them underwater. Buck panics for those few seconds before he’s got his head above water again.
Eddie, on the other hand, has burst into laughter. “Okay, maybe we should head inside before we get hypothermia, or taken by the sea,” he jokes.
Buck nods, but he wishes he got to know what Eddie was going to say before the wave. Maybe it’s for the best that he doesn’t find out.
Once they’re both showered and into dry clothes, they find themselves plopping down on the couch. There’s three cushions and another smaller couch as well, but once again, they are just about as close as they can be to each other without actually touching.
“I know it’s still a bit early in the day to start drinking, but you want a beer?” Eddie offers.
“We’re away from home, there’s no rules out here,” Buck replies with a chuckle.
Grinning at Buck, Eddie gets up to grab the both of them a drink, passing Buck his as he sits back down.
After they’re a few beers in, Buck finds himself realising that since he’s gotten Marina, he’s drunk way less than he used to. Which means his tolerance has taken a noticeable dip. So, while he wouldn’t consider himself drunk, he’s definitely not what he’d call sober either.
“We should play spin the bottle!” Buck suggests with excited glee in his voice.
Truth is, especially now that alcohol is coursing through him, he’s finding it incredibly hard to focus on anything Eddie is saying to him. Mainly because he’s finding himself staring at Eddie’s lips, thinking of nothing more than how much he wishes to feel them pressed against his again. Maybe get a real taste this time.
Right now he’s really regretting not taking Eddie up on his previous offers. And if he’s not going to come up with another, Buck is going to take matters into his own hands.
Looking at him with an amused expression, the slightly less intoxicated Eddie responds with, “Buck, you do know that there’s only the two of us, right?”
“Obviously,” Buck scoffs like he’s offended that Eddie would think he was too dumb to realise that.
“So that’d mean we’d just be kissing each other. Do you really want to kiss me that badly?” Eddie teases playfully. “This is the second time today you’ve brought it up.”
The blush on Buck’s cheeks darkens into a darker shade than what the alcohol was causing. “Uh… I, uh– Um, I–” He’s fumbling through his words as he tries to come up with an answer that doesn’t give away the truth. He thinks this might be damning enough on its own, so he just gives up and shrugs.
Eddie chuckles slightly, taking another sip of his beer, not giving in. Buck supposes that makes sense. Eddie is still straight, it’d be weird if he was eager to kiss Buck back, even if it’s just in a friend way. Maybe he should stop, because he’s teetering dangerously close to being that weird friend that keeps making moves on their straight best friend. Not okay.
He shakes his head in disappointment at himself. “Sorry,” he apologises.
“For what?” Eddie seems genuinely confused as to why.
“For being– I think I just miss having someone to kiss. I think my brain thinks you’d be the easy choice, even if it’s not– It’d make no sense in actuality. You’re straight, and I– Well, I don’t actually have feelings for you. It'd be so simple if it was you though, y’know?” He’s not sure if his ramble-y response makes much sense, but he hopes Eddie gets it anyway.
“Yeah, I think I understand where you’re coming from,” Eddie says with a half smile. “And don’t worry, it’s not made me uncomfortable. I don’t think anything you’d do could,” he reassures.
Either way, Buck promises himself he’ll back off. Eddie is his friend, so he should focus on treating him like one.
—
So, as Buck is finding out as Eddie and him spend the day together at their rented beach house, he doesn’t know how to treat Eddie as just a friend. For one, there’s two bedrooms in this place, and yet, he didn’t even think about not sharing with Eddie.
That was just the first thing he noticed, after that, Buck constantly spots things he does with Eddie that he’d probably never do with another friend. But the thing is, Eddie is just as bad about it. Which is probably the only reason Buck doesn’t feel bad about it.
He is wondering though if there’s a reason why.
Maybe all the comments he’s been receiving actually have merit. Does he have feelings for Eddie?
No way.
Now he's being the ridiculous one.
Notes:
It's finally happened. Buddy kissed. However, they still haven't figured their shit out 😒 it is the start of them finally getting there though. They have other moments coming up and some complications that slow things down temporarily but they do eventually work it out. Slowly we are approaching the end of this fic. I've written to chapter thirty so far and I honestly think maybe just three more chapters after that 🤷🏻
I did take a short break yesterday from writing this tho and wrote a silly 5+1 buddie fic that I'll probably post sometime today too. But then I'm back in the grind cuz I'm so excited to finish this lol
As always hope y'all enjoyed this one and if you did I do very much appreciate kudos and comments! See y'all on Friday <3
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