Chapter 1: Summer sun, something’s begun
Chapter Text
February 1995
Penelope Featherington arrived at St Andrews University, Scotland, one Saturday in early February. She settled into her room in McIntosh Hall, and spent Sunday exploring the campus. She didn't want to be stressed when Monday came around, trying to navigate the place while it was swarming with students – students who already knew exactly where they were going.
On Monday, she made her way into the faculty for her first lecture and tutorial, apologising profusely to her Professors for turning up halfway through the academic year. Fortunately, her exceptional record meant they had jumped at the chance to accept her onto the course, despite her unusual circumstances.
She hardly knew any of the books on the English Literature syllabus, which was entirely different to the one back home. However, the first year was mostly about groundwork, bringing everyone on the course up to the same level, no matter where they'd gone to school. Penelope was smart, keen, and assured them she'd have caught up with her peers in no time. In truth, she was already streets ahead of most of them.
That evening, Penelope hurried back to the halls of residence to await a visitor. Her mother had sorted it out for her – calling Violet Bridgerton to coordinate Colin to come and meet her. Hopefully, he might show her around; maybe introduce her to some of his friends.
She was nervous and excited to see Colin again. They'd spent four weeks together over Christmas down under, mainly him and his sister Eloise, and some of the younger Bridgertons depending who was around. Her unrequited crush on Colin, which began when the Featheringtons still lived in London, had turned into a genuine friendship over that hot, Australian summer. And, by the time the Bridgertons had to leave, he and Penelope were practically joined at the hip.
Eloise struggled with the jet lag and the timezone shift, often heading to bed and leaving night-owls Penelope and Colin to entertain each other. They'd always got on well, once she'd got her crush sufficiently under control to act naturally around him. But this prolonged period together had really brought them closer. And then, a week or so before he was due to leave, Penelope was brave enough – drunk and reckless and stupid enough – to ask Colin for a kiss.
She'd instantly regretted it, panic setting in as she feared she'd made a total mess of their friendship. She was embarrassed to put herself out there, to reveal that she'd even dared to imagine their friendship turning into something more. As if Colin Bridgerton would ever look at her that way…
So, imagine her surprise when he confessed he'd been dying to kiss her, too. She'd never kissed before, and Colin was really sweet and gentle with her. It turned out she was pretty good at it. From then on, he took every opportunity to sneak her away from the others, pashing with her on the beach until the small hours of the morning, then barely containing their laughter as they snuck back into the villa late at night.
Colin's sweet kisses gradually built into something more passionate, more frenzied. They never went beyond second base, although she wished they had, and if he'd stayed another week she rather thought they might have gone all the way.
Even so, for that one, blissful week it felt like all her dreams had come true. It was the happiest time of Penelope’s life by a long way, so when the Bridgertons left she cried for days. They had no idea when they might see each other again, but they all promised to write. Before this trip, it was just Eloise and Penelope corresponding, but now she'd made promises to Francesca and Hyacinth, Gregory too, and Colin promised her faithfully that he would write regularly. She wasted no time, stocking up on Airmail paper to capture all the thoughts and feelings her poor broken heart dared to put into words.
So now here she was, unexpectedly back in the UK, displaced from university in Sydney and plonked back down at St Andrews. And she had no idea how Colin might react to seeing her again so soon.
So she waited…
and waited…
and waited.
Four hours later, when Colin hadn't shown up, she told herself it was going to be just fine. She didn't need him to make her feel welcome, or to show her around, or whatever. Nope, she'd probably bump into him soon enough.
No big deal.
Chapter Text
For the first couple of weeks, Penelope kept her head down, working her way through all the reading and essays she'd missed, and meeting with her tutor to review her progress. She slowly got to know a couple of the other girls in halls and on her course, but she mostly kept herself to herself, content to focus on her studies. The effort paid off, and soon she was hitting the same high marks for assignments she was used to back in Australia.
By March, she felt sufficiently caught up to begin exploring university life beyond the lecture theatre and the library. That meant heading down to the Student’s Union office to introduce herself to Theo Sharpe, editor of the student newspaper.
Theo was only too happy to welcome her onto the team. More than two thirds of the students who signed up in freshers week to work on the paper had lost interest by this point in the year, tempted away by sports teams, bars and the other pleasures of uni life. They certainly weren't bothered about anything resembling more work. Penelope could take her pick of the sections she'd like to work on, so she put her name down to edit entertainment, and Theo gave her the numbers of a few contributors for the gig and theatre review pages. He even gave her a bit of petty cash to cover bus fare and payphone calls.
Penelope left Theo's office, excitedly clutching the temporary press pass that would get her into some of the most sought after events in the city. And then there he was. Colin Bridgerton, right in front of her, for the first time since they'd said their goodbyes in Sydney.
He was standing right outside the Student’s Union, chatting with some other lads who were sitting on the lower steps, their faces out of view. She ought not to have recognised him really, through the crimped, dyed-black hair that fell across his forehead and the thick black eyeliner. He had on a big black overcoat and a battered-looking pair of combat boots – a world away from how he'd looked on the beach back home. But nothing would ever allow her to forget those eyes. The unmistakable, denim blue eyes of the boy she loved. The boy who hadn't shown up for her.
Startled, she scanned for an alternative route, to avoid a direct encounter, but her only option was down those steps, through a cloud of cigarette smoke, and straight past him and his mates. She steeled herself and descended the stairs, then saw him glance up at her. A confused look crossed his face before the recognition dawned on him. His expression softened to one of… was it shock, then perhaps excitement? The next thing she knew, Colin was beaming at her, and she couldn't help herself. She beamed straight back at him.
“Penelope?!?!” His mouth gaped open. “What are you doing here?” He seemed genuinely delighted to see her, and as she reached the bottom step he moved in and wrapped his arms around her in a bear hug. She hugged him back, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, savouring being close to him once more. He smelled of patchouli and tobacco.
“Umm…” she shifted uncomfortably, wanting to keep things brief. Colin was evidently flabbergasted, pulling back but leaving his hands on her shoulders so he could gawp at her some more. He looked like he thought he might be hallucinating.
Even with Penelope standing one step higher than him, he still towered over her. She blinked to try and make out his face, silhouetted against the late afternoon sun. “We had to move back for Dad's work, so I transferred here. It happened really quickly.” And then, because she didn't want him to think she was here for him, she explained, “St Andrews was my mother's idea…”
Portia claimed she'd suggested St Andrews as Pen would already have a friend there, an act of kindness to make it easier for her daughter to settle in. Penelope, of course, knew that was more of her mother's bullshit. Portia couldn't care less about that.
In reality, it was simply cheaper to send her to a Scottish university. The Featherington finances had become so precarious that she should be bloody grateful they were letting her go to university at all. She'd had to beg her parents not to force her out of education prematurely and into a job, with the help of a letter from the university endorsing her abilities and explaining what a terrible waste that would be.
So yes, she was grateful. She understood that sacrifices had to be made now her Dad had fucked everything up again, but she hated her mum's performative duplicity.
Anyway, Scotland was decided, and Portia liked the prestige of St Andrews, while Archie hoped for a few good rounds of golf when – if – they visited her. Because, somehow, making sacrifices didn't extend to the guy whose fault it all was.
Colin was still gawping. “I can't believe you're here, Pen, when did you get here?”
She was tempted to say something snarky about his recent no-show, but his reaction felt so true that she dismissed it from her mind. He clearly, somehow, hadn't got the instructions. He hadn't even heard she was in the country.
“About three weeks—” she began.
“Who's this, Bridgerton?” A lad about Colin's age interrupted her. He was wearing a leather jacket and a sneering expression. “Was that an Aussie accent I heard?” The guy affected an Australian twang, badly.
Colin rolled his eyes, smiling at Penelope, before turning to his mate. “This is Penelope Featherington. Penelope, this is Reggie Fife and that's Jorden Stanton and Joe Wilding.”
Fife looked her up and down, his gaze lingering uncomfortably on her breasts, like most men she met. “Well, hi Penelope.” Then his face lit up in sudden recognition. “Wait, Bridgerton, is this the filly you said you'd hung out with over Christmas?” He turned to fix her with a critical gaze. “We’ve heard all about you, love…” Fife winked at her, his voice laced with suggestion, his grin predatory.
“Back off, Fife,” muttered Colin.
The others started paying attention too, with Stanton observing, ”She looks about fourteen!” Fife and the others fell about laughing, and Colin's face dropped into a frown. She got that a lot, but it still irritated her when people said she looked that young.
Colin, however, looked completely incensed. “What? No! It's not like that. Pen's not like that,” he was scrabbling to backtrack. “She's eighteen! And she… she's just a mate. My sister's mate.”
A lump formed in Penelope’s throat as the words echoed round and round in her head, drowning out whatever salacious comments the others were making.
My sister's mate.
Sister's mate.
Mate.
He couldn't bring himself to say that they were friends in front of his buddies, never mind admitting there might be anything more. She'd long suspected it would be this way, certainly since he'd failed to meet her. But hearing the words from his lips – lips that had kissed her so lovingly once – stung more than she could possibly have imagined.
She tried desperately to hold back the tears that were threatening, needed to wait until she was out of their sight. She had to get out of there. Now.
Penelope shoved her way past Colin, her eyes resolutely focused on the ground and her bag clutched tightly to her chest.
Colin grabbed her wrist as she passed him, not aggressively, just enough for her to pause mid-stomp. “Pen, let's catch up properly tomorrow, yeh?”
She daren't look at him, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. She took a deep breath, trying to muster some dignity. “You know what, Colin, I don't think I'll bother. Say hi to Eloise from me.”
Penelope fled.
Notes:
Go easy on Colin. We'll find out why he said what he said, soon!
Chapter 3: Fool, forget him
Chapter Text
Rae Bennet was Penelope’s first real friend at St Andrews. They'd crossed paths before, but hadn't talked properly until the day of her run-in with Colin. Rae had caught the tail end of it from afar, saw that Penelope was upset, and thoughtfully hung back to check that she was OK. Penelope was decidedly not OK, so Rae gave her a sympathetic hug and let her cry in her room. She was being so kind, but when she joked to Pen that all men are rats and the only man a girl can truly rely on is her Dad, it opened the floodgates all over again. Her Dad, Archie. Reliable. Yeh, right.
So, they'd bonded that evening, Rae telling Penelope about her previous uni best friend, who dropped out of her course a few weeks earlier and went home to Durham. As luck would have it, that freed up the bedroom for Penelope on Rae's corridor. From then on, Pen and Rae became firm friends. Rae got to know everything about Penelope: the Featheringtons’ money woes, the Bridgertons being like her second family, the whole Colin saga. And Pen discovered all there was to know about Rae.
Then there was her work on the paper, which Penelope loved. She quickly got the hang of things, and impressed Theo right away when she completely reinvented the entertainment section. She managed to wangle a couple of big name interviews with Jarvis from Pulp and Dolores from the Cranberries, and advertising sales really started to pick up.
That's when she got involved with the university quiz team, documenting their progress at the regional quarter-finals with such enthusiasm that the team invited her along to watch the next one in person. Which was how she met Alfie Debling, the team's star quizzer.
Alfie was doing his Master's in environmental science, and he was fascinated by Penelope’s time in Australia. He loved to talk about how they were handling the hole in the ozone layer over there, and the resulting public health crisis. He teased her about her fair skin and freckles, and said she was a lot better off living in Scotland, away from danger.
So, she regularly joined the team aboard the minibus, becoming their unofficial cheerleader and then Alfie's official girlfriend. He was kind and polite and pretty good looking. She felt precisely none of the spark she'd felt with Colin. But he was nice.
Since their run-in at the SU, Penelope had seen Colin a few more times. Occasionally he was with Fife and the others, but usually he was on his own, presumably on his way to see some girl. He always made an effort to say hi, and Penelope always told him to rack off. She didn't want to hear it, whatever apology he had planned to soften the blow of her not being good enough for him. He was persistent though, she had to give him that, and he seemed contrite, probably realising the size of the bollocking Eloise would give him if she found out he'd publicly dismissed Pen. Lucky for him then, because Penelope was far too embarrassed to ever tell her friend about that particular humiliation.
One time, she saw Colin when she was with Alfie, who had his arm slung around her shoulders. She clocked Colin from a distance, glancing their way, so she quickly turned her head to smile at Alfie and gave him a kiss on the lips. And then she felt like a total loser, because it was all for Colin's benefit, and when she looked back he wasn't even watching.
Still, by the end of term, Penelope went home to her family feeling hopeful about the rest of her time at St Andrews. She figured it was going to be OK.
–
Over the Easter break, while Penelope was helping her Mum make sense of her Dad's financial fuck-ups, Eloise Bridgerton called.
Her best friend in junior school, Eloise had been the mastermind that brought all the Bridgertons to see Penelope in Australia that Christmas. She'd argued it might be their last chance for a big family holiday together, and that Australia was the perfect place.
So, Violet rented a huge villa near the Featheringtons’ home for a month, celebrated Christmas Aussie-style, and then some of the older siblings went off to do their own thing: Ant and Ben travelled up to Queensland, staying in hostels, meeting girls of all nationalities, and having all manner of adventures. Meanwhile, Eloise's eldest sister Daphne and her boyfriend Simon spent a week in Bali together over New Year, returning with a diamond on her finger the size of Uluru. Eloise and Colin had simply been content to hang out near Sydney with Penelope, their mum, and the younger kids.
Penelope rushed to the phone in the hall, grabbing the receiver from her sister, Prudence. “Eloise! So good to hear from you!” They hadn't spoken since Australia.
“Hi Pen! How are you doing?”
“Yeh not bad, thanks! How's uni life going for you?”
“It's great! I'm still in the debate society and I've started Vegan Club with some others, where we take turns to cook and host. It's been fun!”
Penelope smiled to herself. University just seemed to make Eloise even more Eloise. “And the course?”
“Smashing it, obviously. It's the first time they've run this specific history degree with the focus on influential women, so the four of us are helping the tutor shape the syllabus as we go along.”
“That's amazing El!”
Eloise turned more serious. “It must have been tough for you, moving unis midway through the year?”
“Yeh,” Penelope shrugged. “It wasn't exactly ideal,”
“So, what actually happened?” Eloise always cut to the chase.
Penelope lowered her voice, shielding her mouth with her hand to whisper into the phone. “My Dad made some really dodgy investments in the mining industry in Perth. His partner, my cousin Jack, totally led him down the garden path. Which he always does, but my Dad never fucking learns, does he?”
“Oh God, Pen!” Eloise groaned.
“Yeh, exactly. So, he basically bankrupted us based on that dickhead's false information about ruby mines or some bullshit. Dad had his eyes on the big shiny prize and…” she sighed, “...well, we just had to come back, because at least we still have the house here. Although I'm not sure for how much longer.”
“Fuck, Pen, that's awful! You must have been gutted, leaving all your friends behind, starting a new uni…”
Penelope twirled the spiral of the phone cord around her little finger. “Not gonna lie, it's been pretty shit. But at least we're back in the UK. If we'd moved somewhere else I'd really have struggled.”
“So, do you like it up there at St Andrews?”
“Yeh, it's good. I'm beginning to settle in. I'm writing for the student paper, running the entertainment section, so I get to go to lots of gigs and stuff. And I've made friends with this girl, Rae, she's lovely.”
“Oh, I'm so glad, Pen. When I heard the news I was excited that I might get to see you, of course, but I was really worried about you. I'd love to come up one weekend, to hang out with you and Colin.”
Penelope perked up at that. “Yeh, that'd be great.”
“I was a bit surprised when he told me he hasn't seen you all that much…?” Eloise had that probing voice she used when she knew more than she was letting on.
Penelope wasn’t going to bite. “Yeh, not really. We move in different circles.”
“I wasn't sure if you'd had some kind of falling out with him…?”
“No, we're all good.” Penelope's reply was cagey.
“I get the impression he'd like to see a bit more of you…” the interrogation continued.
“Yeh? Well, I've got a lot on with the paper and everything.”
“Have you fallen out?” Eloise was losing patience.
“I really don't wanna talk about this, Eloise, if you don't mind?”
“Hmm. Not with me maybe. I think you should talk to Colin, though.”
“I dunno about that.”
“Look, I'm trying to remain neutral here, but did he do something to upset you? I can give him a slap for you if you like…”
Penelope laughed. “Thanks El, no need though, really.”
“Is it you who needs the slap?”
“What?! No!”
“He seems really cut up you guys aren't talking “
“We are talking,” signed Penelope. “We're just not hanging out together.”
Eloise sighed. “Well, look, I know he's not the best Bridgerton, but in my absence he's a pretty good one…? And any Bridgerton has to be better than no Bridgerton, right?!”
That made Penelope giggle. “Yeh, I guess so.”
“Or, I can send Gregory up there to follow you around like a puppy if you like?”
In the background, Penelope could just about make out the distant sound of Gregory shouting, “Eloise, shut uuuuuup!”
A muffled Eloise shouted back, “Stop eavesdropping, Greg!”
Penelope chuckled. She enjoyed being back in the Bridgertons’ orbit, their banter always affectionate no matter how sharp the barbs, after a week with the raw bitchiness of her own family. “No thanks. I adore Greg, obviously, but I'm not sure he's quite ready for uni life.”
“He might cramp your style a bit, right?”
“Something like that!” agreed Penelope.
“So anyway, maybe go a bit easier on Colin?” Eloise was relentless. “It sounds like he really wants to apologise for something, and he says you won't hear him out.”
Penelope huffed. “I'll think about it...”
“So, any other news?”
“Well, I'm seeing this guy…”
“Are you?!” Eloise became more animated. “Tell me more!”
“Alfred. Ugh, that name makes me cringe. Alfie!”
“What's he like?”
“He's a scientist, really smart. Into a lot of conservation and studying the effects of global warming for his Master's.”
“Ooh, older man then?”
“A bit yeh, he's 21.”
“How did you meet?”
“Oh, you know, around.
“Pen…”
She sighed. “You're not allowed to laugh, alright?”
“I pinky promise.”
“He's on the quiz team! I cover their tournaments for the paper, so we got talking on the minibus to Dundee!”
“Nice! Sounds like a right nerd. Should be good for you! Is he fit?”
“Yeh…? I mean, yeh, he's not half bad to look at?”
“Good kisser?”
“El! Come on… I mean, I don't have much to compare him with…”
“Enough to know if he's any good or not, surely…?”
“Well, then yes, he's good!”
“Great, well as long as you're having fun? He doesn't have to be the one, right? Just the one for now?”
Penelope cringed at the thought of Alfie being the one, but she wasn't about to let on to Eloise how far-fetched that was. “Yeh exactly! How's your Mum and everyone else?”
“Oh God, the place has gone barking mad since Daphne and Simon got engaged. It's like I can't have a single conversation that isn't about the wedding. And will they listen to me about it all being patriarchal bullshit…?”
“Yeh, I'm not sure that one will go down too well, El!”
“They have at least listened about having a non-religious ceremony, but only so that Daphne can choose from some more interesting venues than a church. Remember they passed that new act that means you can marry in castles and zoos and stuff?”
“Oh yeh, that's cool!”
“Anyway, I'm sure you'll get a save the date card soon, if we haven't all drowned in tulle by then!”
Pen laughed, picturing the look on Eloise's face at being surrounded by flowers and frilly dresses.
“Look, I've got to go,” continued Eloise, “but I'll sort out a weekend to visit you both. So you'd better be talking to each other by then. I'm not playing piggy in the middle for the pair of you.”
Penelope sighed in resignation. “Alright, I'll talk to him! Love you, El!”
“Love you too! Bye!”
-
Eloise hung up the phone, tossed the handset on the bed, and then picked it back up again. She'd better charge it, because Daphne would kill her if she couldn't use it for her call with Simon that evening. She returned it to its cradle on the landing before knocking on Colin's half-open bedroom door and going in.
“She says she'll think about letting you talk to her. You owe me one.”
Colin smiled in gratitude, as Eloise took a seat next to him on the bed.
“Now, stop moping for God's sake!”
He handed her the SNES controller.
Chapter Text
April 1995
Back in St Andrews, Penelope ran into Colin again in a pub in town.
He homed in on her as she pumped twenty pence pieces into the jukebox. “Pen! Penelope!” He beamed at her with that stupidly handsome smile of his. “How are you doing? Good Easter?”
“Hi, look I can't talk, I’m on a date.” She carried on flipping through the CD track listings and punching in numbers, avoiding any eye contact.
“You're on a date? With that dickhead?”
“That ‘dickhead’—” she made air quotes with her fingers, “—happens to be my boyfriend. Not that it's any of your business.”
“Your boyfriend?” He dragged his hand through his hair in a gesture that had made her swoon since she was ten years old. “Sounds serious, you might want to get that looked at,” he teased. “I believe it may still be treatable if you catch it early enough.”
She tried not to react, but she couldn't resist a giggle. He was funny. And she hated how effortlessly he made her laugh.
“Don't be mean,” she reprimanded, through a smile.
Colin leaned one elbow on the jukebox beside her, flashing his bicep with what looked like a new tattoo of a crow. It was hot, and he smelled good. She swallowed hard, trying to control the urge to touch him there.
“Well, he's obviously not right for you, Pen.”
“Rack off! What would you know about who's right for me?”
He visibly winced. “Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Can we just talk?”
“I'm on a date! Talking to you isn't really part of my plan…”
“Well, I need to talk to you and you kept dodging me last term, so…”
She snapped at him, “So, take a hint!” Then she felt bad when he looked all dejected. “Look, I told El I'll talk to you, and I will, but not when I'm on a date with someone.” She was sure the guy's name was on the tip of her tongue, but someone would have to suffice.
“I just need two minutes! Please." His eyes were pleading and intense. She suddenly felt all lightheaded, so she sighed and shrugged, resigned to listen. She couldn't remember what she was supposed to be doing anyway, and it hardly seemed important. “OK, you have two minutes, starting…” she checked her watch, “...now.”
“Can't we go somewhere more private?”
“No! You can talk to me here or not at all!” Her resolve may be crumbling, but she wasn't going to make it too easy for him. “One minute forty-five.”
He briefly closed his eyes and took a breath, looking pained. He really was so handsome, it was maddening. “Shit! OK…” He leaned in closer and she felt like she could barely breathe. Perhaps she should have thought this through.
He lowered his voice. “Look, I had a really great time with you over the holiday, and when I got back I couldn't shut up about this great girl I'd been going with.”
She hadn't expected his opening defence to go there. She was surprised but tried to appear unmoved.
“So, when the lads saw you they were obviously curious…”
“So, you told them I wasn't even the same girl? Implying you'd had someone else on the go, at the same time as me?!” This was good, she was standing her ground.
“Well, of course I didn't have anyone else! You know that, how could I? We were never apart!”
She supposed that was true, but still he'd denied their involvement. “So why—” she began, but he stopped her with a finger to her lips, just fleetingly before pulling away. She felt herself go to liquid between her thighs.
He leaned in further still. “They'd all been grilling me after Christmas about you… about this girl. And I didn't want to share details, but they kept on at me, asking questions and making suggestive comments… I just wanted to shut them up, so I went along with it. I kind of exaggerated things, by not denying them…”
She rolled her eyes at the stupidity of boys, but he did actually sound truly apologetic. “Exaggerated in what way?”
“Well, you know…” he looked around to check they weren't being overheard. “...sexual stuff.”
Jesus, was she really standing this close to Colin with his biceps out as he whispered the word ‘sexual’? Fuck.
He continued, “Stuff we hadn't done – that I've never done, with anyone – but I let them believe we had…” He grimaced slightly. “Like, stuff that men like to pretend they've done with their girlfriends even though most of them haven't.”
“So, why did you go along with it?” She managed to whisper in a small, strangled voice.
He exhaled sharply, his breath making the hair around her face flutter slightly. “I don't know! Because boys are fucking idiots? And I'm just a dumb boy, with dumb friends, and I wanted them to think I was good with girls and… Did I mention I'm an idiot?” He grinned sheepishly, and she actually felt kind of sorry for him, having such arseholes for friends.
She felt she should say something self-deprecating, to make it all about how unattractive she was, but she'd never actually felt more desirable. Because his body this close to hers was intoxicating, and that feeling of being with him on the beach had come flooding right back, and he was here practically begging her for mercy.
“Anyway, there you were, all of a sudden, and I was excited. You saw that right? I was confused but excited to see you. And they obviously thought we'd done stuff, and I didn't want them thinking that about you.”
Honestly, he could ask her to do anything sexual right now and she would probably let him. She had the strongest urge to grab his hand and shove it down in between her legs.
“I didn't want that to be your reputation here, it wouldn’t be fair. And when they started saying how young you look I didn't like the connotation. So, I told them it was a different girl I'd been with… I swear I was only trying to protect you from those pricks.”
She took a breath, tried to compose herself and take in everything he'd said. “I admit that does all sound a lot nicer than the narrative I've had in my head…” She'd basically forgiven him everything by this point, but felt he needed punishing a while longer. “I'm still pissed off with you though!”
“And you have every right to be! But I never meant to hurt you. And I'd never be ashamed of you! I was ashamed of myself, for giving in to those twats and misrepresenting what had happened between us.”
She put her hand on her hip, trying to look commanding, which at five foot one was never easy. “So, you're never going to do that to a girl again, right? Not even with stuff that is true?”
He bowed his head, looking contrite. “I won't, I promise. I don't want to be one of those arseholes.”
“Well, you kind of already are,” she jabbed back, and saw him wince.
“I know, and I'll do better, Pen!” He gave her a pleading, hopeful sort of smile. “So, are we OK? Because I miss you. I missed you anyway, when you were still in Australia – or I thought you were. But now I know you're here, I really miss you. I hate that we don't hang out together.”
He really was making his puppy dog eyes at her now and she was helpless to resist them.
“OK. So, maybe I won't blank you any more?”
Colin's thank you was drowned out by an exaggerated cough beside them. Alfie was haughtily looking at them both. “Penelope, your food's getting cold.”
“Oh, right, of course. Sorry. This is Colin, he's an old friend from back in London.”
Alfie nodded to Colin, who nodded back.
“I'll see you around, Colin.” She slid around the jukebox and squeezed past him, back to her booth.
Notes:
If anyone is here because they're a Grease fan rather than a Bridgerton fan, I'd love to hear it!
Chapter 5: The power you're supplying
Summary:
A bit of Colin's POV on his holiday romance with Pen.
Chapter Text
18 December 1994
For Colin, his life to date could be summarised in two parts: Before Australia and After Australia.
Before Australia, he was plain old Colin Bridgerton: universally acknowledged as charming, handsome, with a good sense of humour and a mediocre academic record. He'd dated a few girls here and there, but never anything serious.
Then came Australia, when everything changed.
The last time he'd seen Penelope Featherington, back in London, she was a sweet girl of eleven to his fourteen, and she'd barely appeared on his radar.
Well, that wasn't strictly true; he'd always kind of liked her, but they were at an awkward sort of age and there wasn't much to say to each other, beyond the niceties of sharing snacks or taking turns at whatever game they were playing with Daph, El, and Fran.
So, when all the Bridgertons arrived in Sydney for the month, he assumed he and Penelope would remain at arms-length, forgetting that the three-year gulf in their ages would barely register now – him at twenty, Penelope and Eloise just turned eighteen.
And… wow. Eighteen-year old Penelope was a different prospect entirely. It hadn't even occurred to him that she might be attractive, his memory hazy and the photos exchanged with Eloise few and far between.
But she was gorgeous. Like, really gorgeous. Long red wavy hair and a tiny waist, offset by voluptuous hips and the best cleavage he'd ever seen on a woman in real life. Despite seven years in Australia, her skin was resolutely, vampiricly pale, and she had these adorable freckles across the bridge of her nose. Then there was her cute giggle whenever he amused her – and he found himself wanting to amuse her, all the time.
So, his first night in Australia, Colin headed to bed feeling thoroughly confused and strangely horny.
The next morning, when Penelope arrived at their villa to hang out with El by the pool, Colin realised he was tragically ill-equipped to deal with this situation. She shimmied out of her sundress to reveal a one-piece swimsuit, red with black polkadots like a ladybird, ruched around the middle with a tiny little skirt attached. It made her look ludicrously hot like a 1950s pin-up, and the halterneck was tied with a bow, looking like it could fall open at any minute – a possibility that excited and terrified him in equal measure.
Colin knew he was properly done for. How the fuck was he supposed to spend the next four weeks in her company? Like, literally, how?!
Luckily, Colin was a voracious reader, so he buried his nose in his book for the morning. But then, Penelope started talking to him about it. She'd read it too and shared lots of fascinating takes on the characters. The more they talked, the more they discovered they had in common, and it revealed her sparkling wit that made him giggle, helplessly. After a while, he tried to make himself scarce, needing some space to breathe, so he hung out with Daphne and Simon, much to their evident irritation.
The rest of that week involved a lot of sightseeing with the whole family, so Colin tried his best to flit between supervising the younger kids, helping Violet with the picnics, and bantering with Ant and Ben. But he kept gravitating back towards Eloise and Penelope. It just made sense, them being closest in age besides Daph, who was too wrapped up in Simon to bother much with anybody else. So, when El wasn't talking Pen's ear off about feminism, Colin found out more about Pen. The music she listened to, her life at university where she also wrote for the student paper, and, increasingly, deeper topics like her awful parents.
He found her remarkably easy to talk to, and remarkably easy on the eye. Every night he had to hold back from thinking about her while wanking. He suspected it wasn’t the done thing, with your mate.
Christmas Day itself was nice, all the family together, but Penelope spent the day with her own family, and Colin felt like an important part of his was missing. Penelope belonged with the Bridgertons, and Colin resented that the Featheringtons had kept her from him and Eloise. He knew that was daft, and he'd never dare admit it, but fortunately Eloise was vocal enough for them both. She called Penelope that evening to insist she come over on Boxing Day, and Colin supported the motion one hundred percent.
So, Penelope rejoined them on the 26th, and everything felt right with the world again. Anthony fired up the barbecue and everyone sat drinking into the night. When their mum went off to bed, she made Colin, Ben and Ant promise to get Penelope home safely, so Colin made good on that promise. He walked her home, his hands stuffed into his pockets because otherwise the urge to try and hold her hand in his was too strong. He gave her a big hug goodnight on the driveway though, and thought about how soft she was all the way home.
Then the next day, two things happened that well and truly sealed Colin's fate.
Ant and Ben were preparing to leave on the 28th to backpack up north, which had always been the plan. But Colin's composure was ruffled when Eloise announced that Penelope would take Ben's room, staying in the villa with them for the remainder of the trip. That meant Penelope was going to be around him 24/7.
That same morning, Penelope turned up at the poolside, not in her usual one-piece cossie but in a vintage-style bikini, and Colin had to try and act natural at the sight of all that extra bare flesh. He almost groaned out loud when he saw her. And then…
“Is that a tattoo?!” The question slipped out of Colin's mouth unbidden at the sight of the ink on her ribcage, peeking out from her bikini top.
“Uh, yeh!” Penelope smiled at him, seeming oblivious to how inappropriate he was being. “They're petunias, for my Aunt Petunia when she passed.
“Ah, sorry about that. It's pretty though,” he told her, looking at the little purple flowers and definitely not at her boobs.
“Thanks! Have you got any ink?”
“Nooo…” he said, “I've been thinking of getting one though.” Suddenly, the tattoo he was mostly thinking about had her name on it. Jesus, Bridgerton, get a grip, he told himself.
“I think I've got the bug now,” she told him. “I want at least three more!”
“Yeh, I've heard it can get quite addictive,” he said. “Where else do you want one?”
Shit. Why had he asked that? Not a normal sort of question like what tattoos do you want? Where?! He was not supposed to be thinking about her bare skin, and here he was, practically begging her for a guided tour. Weirdly, though, she didn't seem to find it weird.
“Well, I want a little feather on my ankle,” began Penelope.
OK, an ankle isn't sexy, thought Colin.
“There's a song lyric I want on my forearm.” She traced her finger along the soft skin of her arm, making him long to do the same.
“And then I'd like one here, on my hip,” she said, pointing to the area that was, thankfully, hidden under her bikini bottoms. That didn't stop him imagining what she looked like underneath though. Colin's throat turned as dry as the desert.
“That'll be cool,” he croaked, pathetically. And then, because he was worried he was going to lose the ability to speak altogether, he stood up off the sun lounger and announced, “I'm heading inside for a bit.”
He hurried towards his room, only to be intercepted by Ben. “Hey brother, come and talk to me while I finish packing!”
Colin sighed. “Sure.” He went into Ben's room and collapsed onto the bed, lying on his back alongside the open rucksack.
“Are you alright?” Ben asked, with a tease in his voice.
“Absolutely fine, thanks,” Colin lied. Realising he definitely wasn't acting like someone who was absolutely fine, he added, “It will be weird without you guys here though.” Yeh, that sounded plausible.
“I doubt you'll even notice we're gone, mate,” laughed Ben, glancing knowingly at him.
Colin coughed. “What's that supposed to mean?”
Ben smiled and nodded, pausing with a half-folded t-shirt in his hands to give him a jovial pat on the shoulder. “You know what it means.”
Colin briefly considered feigning ignorance, before giving in and groaning, “Is it that obvious?”
Ben raised his eyebrows and grinned, so Colin covered his face with his hands. “Fuck.”
“Mate, if I were you I'd make the most of it. Tell her, enjoy your time here.”
Colin shook his head. “I can't.”
“You'll regret it if you don't,” warned Ben.
“What if do and I regret it?”
Benedict just shrugged a shoulder. “I can only tell you what I would do.”
That was easy for him to say. Ben had women – and occasionally men – eating out of the palm of his hand, most of the time. Colin had a similar reputation, but it was far less deserved.
The next day, they all waved off Ant and Ben on their trip, and Penelope moved in. Daphne and Simon headed off to Bali the morning after, leaving the three of them – Eloise, Penelope and Colin – to become as thick as thieves.
Penelope was everywhere, and Colin now existed in a permanent state of limbo, somewhere between not being able to tear his eyes away from her, and never daring to look at her. Whenever she passed within touching distance, his skin seemed to pulse with the promise of contact, just millimetres out of reach. What's more, her physical beauty only seemed to intensify as he got to know her mind.
Colin's heart didn't stand a chance.
On New Years Eve, Penelope took Eloise, Colin, and Frannie to a party hosted by her uni friend, Genevieve. Gen's parents were away and it seemed she really knew how to throw a party. The booze was seriously flowing, so Colin dropped his guard and allowed himself to get a bit flirty with Penelope. She seemed receptive, occasionally touching his arm or picking a speck of fluff off his t-shirt, and they danced pretty close.
He was just working up the courage to ask if he could kiss her at midnight, when a few of her mates pulled her away to do shots. Before he'd realised what was happening, the countdown had begun, and another girl who'd been flirting with him at the drinks table – Christa or something? – had pounced.
So, Colin entered 1995 reluctantly snogging someone who wasn't Pen. He broke away as fast as he could to get back to Pen and his sisters, but the moment for kissing had passed.
What a fucking waste of an opportunity.
Chapter 6: Those summer nights
Chapter Text
1 January 1995
On new year's day, Colin lay sprawled on the sunlounger, practically dying. His head thumped relentlessly from vodka and regret. Eloise joined him outside, wagging her finger accusingly as she took a seat next to him. “Colin Bridgerton, tell me you didn't!”
“Didn't what?” he groaned.
“We just got off the phone with Genevieve. She says she saw you snogging Cressida at midnight!”
He froze. He'd hoped at the very least that nobody had seen it happen. “Ugh, yeh, some blonde girl? She basically leapt on me. I wasn't into her.”
Eloise fake vomited, with the sound effects to match. “You know she's basically Pen's mortal enemy, right?! She wasn't even invited to the party you idiot, she gatecrashed.”
Colin groaned again. Of all the people to have rammed her tongue down his throat. “I did not know that…” He'd been feeling shitty enough about it as it was.
Penelope stepped out onto the terrace, and headed over to join them. She looked so damn cute in her pyjama shorts and in that sleepy, hungover state. Colin wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole for what he'd done.
“He admits it, Pen,” shouted Eloise. She was a bloody menace.
Colin continued to protest. “I swear, I couldn't get her off me fast enough!”
Francesca piped up from where she'd been sitting under a parasol, quietly observing. “For what it's worth, I did hear him give her the brush off earlier in the evening.” Colin shot her a grateful smile.
“Oh, well then,” said Eloise. “She probably targeted you because you’re mates with Pen, anyway.”
“Sister, you flatter me!” Colin joked, although he was grateful for the absolution.
He tried to discern Penelope’s expression, but her eyes were hidden behind dark sunglasses, her face neutral, so it was impossible to tell.
“How come you two don't get on?” He addressed Penelope, desperate to make amends.
“She's basically bullied Pen since the day she landed in Australia,” Eloise answered for her, in a tone that implied he should have known this somehow, either by instinct or osmosis.
“Fuck, I'm sorry, Pen. I swear I was not a willing participant…”
“Honestly, no big deal!” trilled Penelope.
But it was a big deal. He'd wanted to kiss Pen, and he'd ended up kissing someone else. Someone who had been hurtful to Pen.
Eloise clearly agreed. “No, it's unforgivable! I think, by way of apology, Colin's in the barrel for ordering us all a really filthy takeaway. This hangover is crying out for something greasy.”
“He wasn't to know, El,” said Penelope. “And it's none of our business, is it? Colin, you can kiss whoever you want.”
She was being so sweet it only made him feel even worse, so he went on the defensive. He needed her to understand Cressida meant nothing to him. “But I didn't want!” He immediately winced at the volume of his own voice rattling around in his head. “A takeaway sounds great, El. It's the least I can do.”
Eloise gestured her thanks with a salute.
Colin rolled over on the lounger, burying his face in the cushion. His hungover brain wasn't handling this at all well.
–
His betrayal weighed heavy on Colin's conscience for days. Eloise kept returning to the subject, unrelentingly taking the piss, while Frannie looked on sympathetically. Penelope seemed to prefer not to dwell on it, occasionally reiterating that it didn't matter and Colin could kiss who he wanted. And in his head, he kept screaming, You, I want to kiss YOU!
Mostly though, they had a blast. Whether they were all hanging out around the pool, wrangling Gregory and Hyacinth between them, or heading on day trips to see the sights, they just had fun.
But Colin felt himself really coming to life in the evenings, with El and the others gone to bed. When it was only him and Penelope, chatting and laughing about all kinds of nothing. He worked hard to regain her trust, to be a friend, and day-by-day she seemed a little bit freer around him.
She was opening up; emotionally yes, but physically too, like they had been at the party. A little bit of flirtation between them, a suggestive comment here, an innuendo there. The occasional touch of a stray hand or a playful hug that lingered for long enough for him to wonder, might they become something more?
Ever since he'd arrived, Colin had been determined not to think about Penelope while wanking, the fine thread of his resolve becoming increasingly frayed as time went on. Eventually, he gave in to temptation, jerking off to thoughts of red hair and creamy white curves.
He told himself it wasn't Penelope he was imagining. Honestly, it could be practically anybody. He'd had posters of various crushes on his bedroom walls over the past few years, so his fantasy woman was really an amalgamation of all of those: Jessica Rabbit. Gillian Anderson from the X-Files. Isla Fisher, a recent addition to the Home and Away cast. Wilma Flintstone. Kate from the B52s. Now he thought about it, he wondered why he'd been quite so surprised that he'd fancied Penelope. It was basically a foregone conclusion at this point.
The next day he felt guilty about it, of course. But that evening, they sat under the gazebo, drinking rum and cokes and listening to CDs. It was cooler than it had been on the trip so far, and Penelope noticeably shivered. It's now or never, he told himself.
“Hey, are you cold?” he opened his arms wide, inviting her to snuggle up to him if she wanted.
Penelope hesitated for a moment, before shifting across to the sofa and curling into his side, letting his arms close around her. “Thanks,” she whispered, and he felt an overwhelming warmth spread from the tips of his ears down to his toes. He rested his cheek on top of her head, letting her scent drift over him, overwhelming his senses with her presence. She adjusted herself slightly, seeming unsure, before settling against him. She slid one hand over his stomach, warm through his t-shirt. He gave her a little squeeze, and it felt right.
They sat together for a while, not saying much of anything, until the CD finished and Pen shifted slightly in his arms. She sat up, away from him, and he immediately felt the loss of her body heat and the feel of her against him.
“I'll be right back,” she said, disappearing into the house.
Colin quickly switched the CDs over, setting it to repeat so it wouldn't fall silent at the end of the album. His heart raced as he waited for her to come back outside. Could he…? Would they…?
Colin's heart sank when Penelope reemerged, carrying a blanket. He wanted her next to him, cuddled in his arms, not sitting apart with something else to keep her warm. But his disappointment was brief, and to his great delight she came straight back to sit beside him, arranging the blanket over them both.
Colin's heart thrummed loudly in his chest.
“Colin, can I ask you a favour?” asked Pen hesitantly, her blue eyes searching his face.
His mind raced, wondering what she could need. “Of course, anything.”
“Would… would you kiss me?”
His breath hitched and his jaw fell open, as he processed her words. Whatever he'd imagined the favour was, that wasn't it. Then he realised he'd been silent too long, because she started backpedalling awkwardly.
“It wouldn’t have to mean anything! It's just, I've never kissed anyone, and I thought if I could practice, with someone I trust—”
She went to pull away, so he reached his arm around her to keep her close. “—Yes, please,” he interrupted, finally regaining the ability to speak.
Penelope seemed to do a double take. “What?”
He pulled her closer, til his face was hovering inches from hers, and he was getting lost in her eyes, in the warmth of her there. His next words came out half-formed and breathy.
“Please let me kiss you. I want to kiss you.”
She swallowed, retreated slightly. “You… want to kiss me…?”
“Yes! I've wanted to kiss you since New Year's Eve.”
Penelope smiled shyly, so he decided to be honest.
“Well, since way before that, actually,” he clarified. “Ever since we arrived. May I? I wouldn't be doing you a favour. You'd be doing me a favour.”
She looked a bit stunned, like the possibility of his willing participation had never even crossed her mind. She gulped and nodded, and he leaned in, gently pressing his lips to hers, his eyes closing. It was no more than a quick peck really, but he got goosebumps, and when they parted a big smile crossed his lips. He heard Pen exhale, so he opened his eyes and saw her looking back at him in wide-eyed wonderment.
“Was that OK?” He wanted very much for it to be OK. To be allowed to kiss her again. She nodded, so he gently brushed the tip of his nose against the bridge of hers, his breath quickening, and then kissed her again.
Colin slid his arms around the soft curves of Penelope’s waist as her lips moved with his. She parted them slightly, making way for his tongue to dip into her mouth and taste her. Fuck. It made him lightheaded, and he slid a hand up her back, guiding her closer to him, until he felt her breasts pressing against his chest.
“Mmmm,” he hummed against her mouth, as his fingers threaded through the hair at the nape of her neck. He kept kissing her and kissing her, revelling in her enthusiastic little gasps. He didn’t want to ever stop kissing her, and the contents of his boxers were telling him to do other things besides.
But he couldn’t allow that. He wouldn't rush this or put pressure on Penelope or take advantage of her, when she'd never even been kissed before. Christ, she wanted someone she trusted to practice with, that's what she'd said. So he stopped, looked at her with a question in his eyes, and asked, “Do you want me to stop?”
She looked stunned into silence and he worried he'd pushed too far, messed this up already. “No,” came her breathless but sure response. “I don't want to stop. Do you?”
He shook his head determinedly. She moved back in again, and their lips met. They made out until the small hours of the morning, only stopping when they could barely keep their eyes open any longer. He walked her back to her bedroom door, quietly creeping through the house hand-in-hand so as not to wake anyone. Then he kissed her very gently on the cheek
“Goodnight, Pen,” he whispered, before retreating to his own room.
Chapter 7: Just a fool who's willing
Chapter Text
St Andrews University, Scotland
Since he'd explained his reaction to seeing her, things with Colin had become much more comfortable. Now, when Penelope bumped into him on campus, they could chat pretty effortlessly.
Then Colin showed up at an editorial meeting for the paper, where Theo introduced him as their new travel editor. He'd written some fascinating pieces about his time in Australia, and planned to interview other students for a regular feature.
Penelope was impressed. She loved his colourful descriptions of all the sights they'd seen together, and his affection for her adopted country. And she was more than a little delighted to have the opportunity to hang out with him more often.
By the time Eloise came for the weekend, they were back to having fun together, the three of them, like those first few weeks of the holiday. Before she'd ruined it by asking him to kiss her, which – clearly – she'd never have done if she'd known she'd end up here in the UK, a few short weeks later.
She was rather embarrassed by how carried away she'd got with the joy of kissing him. It was a bit of fun for the holidays, and she shouldn't have been disappointed when he clearly had no interest in her, here in Scotland. At least now they were over it. Friends, just as it should be, with no risk of her embarrassing him in front of his cool mates.
Of course, she had Alfie now. He and Rae joined them for Sunday brunch, chatting away happily with Eloise, who gave her a thumbs up before she left.
Colin seemed a bit grumpy, nursing a hangover from too many shots the night before, but even he seemed to quietly approve of her new relationship. He took an interest, asking Alfie about his plans after his Master's degree. He even asked to interview Alfie for the paper, saying his environmental research trip to Antarctica would provide an interesting contrast with Fife's plans – trying as many mind-altering substances as possible on the beaches of south-east Asia.
Penelope honestly couldn't have hoped for better.
Meanwhile, the Quizheads were absolutely smashing it. They'd progressed far enough to earn a place on University Challenge, and the team flew down to London for the show recording. They'd made a decent account of themselves against top teams from Oxford and Cambridge, only missing out by a whisker in their inevitable defeat. And it was Alfie Debling who seemed to earn most of the plaudits.
Once the team was back, Penelope and Alfie went out to celebrate their success with the rest of the team. The night was in full swing when, at the edge of the dancefloor, with her arms draped casually around Alfie's neck, Colin sidled up alongside Penelope.
“Oh!” She was startled, not expecting to see him in a trendy place like that. He usually hung out at the one vaguely alternative pub in town.
Colin coughed, addressing Alfie. “Excuse me mate, do you mind if I borrow Penelope for a few minutes? Just some student paper stuff to discuss.”
Alfie looked at him, crossly, so she tried to defuse the situation. “Can't it wait until Monday, Colin? We're meant to be celebrating,” Penelope suggested.
“No, it can't really, sorry. It's kind of time sensitive.”
Colin seemed anxious, fidgeting in that way he had when something was bothering him, so Penelope nodded to Alfie. He grudgingly excused himself to the bar. “You clearly have things to discuss. I'll get us another round,” he said, giving her a quick, parting kiss on the lips.
Penelope waited until Alfie was out of earshot. “What's up, Colin?”
“Uhmmm…” he hesitated. “How are things going, with you and him?”
Penelope was puzzled. “What are you on about? You said this was newspaper business?”
He lowered his eyes to the floor. “I just… look, I'm worried about you.” He made eye contact again. “It seems like it's getting serious, but I don't like the way he's already planning to leave you!”
Penelope balked at that. “This research trip has been his dream for years. I'm secure enough that he can go away for a few months. I don't see the issue?”
“He shouldn't up and leave you like that… I don't think he's right for you, Pen.”
Penelope couldn't believe what she was hearing. “What are you saying? Are you telling me I should dump my boyfriend? Because it's really nothing to do with you!”
“No, but… maybe you shouldn't get too serious about him. You know, you shouldn't, err,” he ran his fingers through his hair, nervously. “You shouldn't, probably, sleep with him.”
“Fucking hell, who do you think you are? You're not my father, you don't get to lecture me about who I can sleep with.”
Colin shuffled his feet, avoiding eye contact. “That's not… I think you deserve someone who treats you like you're special, Pen. I don't want to see you getting hurt!”
She was furious. Alfie treated her well. Of course she was special. And it was none of Colin's business anyway. “Well, for the record, you're too late. Not everyone is so repulsed by me that they won't go past second base. We've been shagging for weeks!”
–
Colin felt like he'd taken a blow to the chest. Penelope was still ranting at him angrily, but he couldn't catch his breath. Everything around him seemed blurred, the music and her words sounding muffled in his head like he was underwater, fighting for breath.
Repulsed. That was the word she'd used to describe him. Repulsed!
Colin, who had yearned for her over the past few months, driven half insane because he couldn't stop thinking about her.
Colin, who had tried so hard to respect her in Australia. To take things slow, because she was a virgin and, truth be told, so was he, and he didn't want both their hearts to shatter when he had to leave.
Repulsed.
She thought he didn't want her. Even as he'd kissed her and told her how pretty she was. Even that delicious, final night when she'd coaxed him to remove her top and unhook her bra, and he'd worshipped at the altar of her incredible breasts with his hands and his mouth. Even though, in that moment, his cock had been rock hard and throbbing with desire. The desire to sink into her and never let her go.
Penelope's voice snapped him back to her. Everything was still fuzzy, but he just about heard her insisting, “Colin, I think you'd better go.”
Swimming into view, he saw Alfie, returned from the bar with a drink for Penelope, looking like he wanted to scruff Colin and drag him outside. He backed away from them both. “Sorry…” he nodded. “Forget I said anything.” He turned to weave his way through the revellers as fast as he could.
He was stone cold sober, but must have looked blind drunk as he all but staggered out onto the pavement. A wave of nausea swept over him, his stomach churning. He was bent double, his hands on his thighs, while he gobbed on the ground to try to control the urge to throw up.
He felt the eyes of the bouncer on him, and he could hardly blame the guy for treating him with suspicion, so he righted himself quickly. Then he became gradually aware of someone next to him, a hand on his shoulder.
“You OK, Colin? You're looking a bit worse for wear.” He looked up and recognised Penelope's mate, Rae, seeming concerned.
Colin grunted. “Yeh, all good, thanks, I'm…” he swallowed, tried to blink back the tears in his eyes. “I needed some air.”
“Can I get you some water or something?”
“No, thanks Rae, I'm fine.”
“Is Penelope in there?” she gestured inside the bar.
He nodded.
“Alright, take it easy. I'll see you back inside."
He shook his head. “I'm not staying. Have a good night though.”
He picked himself up to walk back to his student flat, trying to stop himself from imagining Penelope having sex with Debling.
Fuck.
Chapter 8: Laced with confusion
Chapter Text
Rae arrived at the pub just in time to take the full brunt of Penelope’s ire after her run-in with Colin. She was dragged into the ladies’ loos behind Penelope, leaving Alfie talking to some other quizzers at the bar.
She ranted at Rae, telling her how Colin had interrupted her and Alfie to ask inappropriate questions about their relationship, acting all weird about her sex life. Rae kept pretty quiet, nodding sympathetically as Penelope vented.
Once she'd got it all off her chest, Penelope declared, “Well, fuck Colin. I'm off to celebrate with my boyfriend. And have a congratulatory shag.” Then she'd flounced back out and made a show of being all over Alfie for the rest of the night.
Rae knew better than to try to reason with Penelope when she was in that kind of mood. The next morning though, when she ran into her getting back from Alfie's, she greeted her with a smile.
“Morning! Feeling any better today?”
Penelope gave her a sheepish grin. “Sorry, was I ranting a bit last night?”
Rae gave her friend a hug. “You were pretty pissed off, yeh. Are you OK now though?”
“Well, I'm still mad at Colin, if that's what you mean…”
Rae followed Penelope along the corridor and into her room. “Do you want to talk about it?”
She was a bit calmer, but clearly still frustrated from the night before. “I just don't know what he was thinking, telling me not to sleep with my actual boyfriend? How dare he?!”
Rae tried to understand precisely what had passed between the two of them. “What did he say, exactly?”
“Just something about how Alfie was going to leave me to go on his expedition, and that I deserve to be treated like I'm special.”
“Well, that's actually kind of sweet of him I guess? And it's not untrue?”
“But, Alfie does treat me well! I don't know why Colin's suddenly got such a problem with him!” Penelope paused for breath and then, ”Well, I do know why…”
Rae raised her eyebrows, waiting for the revelation.
“Because he's an arsehole, that's why.”
Rae sighed at her friend's obliviousness. She thought back to the look on Colin's face from the night before. More than his face, actually. His whole body was doubled over, seemingly from pain or nausea, maybe both. And it was only once she'd heard Pen's version of events that she'd begun to understand why. “Maybe, but he seemed pretty upset when I saw—”
“—Upset?! He was upset? I bet he was. I called him out on his bullshit, and the truth hurts, right? Just because he doesn't fancy me, he assumes Alfie hasn't even made a move yet. And he doesn't think I should be allowed any fun.”
Wow. “Did you actually accuse Colin of not fancying you?”
“Well yes, I mean that's painfully obvious isn't it?”
“Is it?” Rae wanted to laugh. She wasn't a betting woman, but she'd seen the way Colin looked at Penelope. She was willing to bet he liked her way more than Penelope would allow herself to believe. “I've always had the distinct impression that he likes you, rather a lot. I mean, he fancied you enough in Australia, didn't he?”
“I'm pretty sure he just liked my tits. Most guys like my tits. Apart from that, all we did was kiss. Whatever we had in Australia, it was just because I was his only option.”
Rae shook her head. “Come off it, I think you mean more to him than that… He's clearly very fond of you. And Alfie seems nice enough, but he's not exactly sweeping you off your feet is he?”
“Don't you bloody start as well.”
“Colin cares for you. He obviously overstepped last night, by the sounds of it. But I reckon it's only because he's jealous. He's worried he's missed his chance with you.”
Penelope snorted a laugh at that. “You're delusional, Rae!”
–
A couple of days later, Rae was chatting to a couple of course mates in the SU, when Colin Bridgerton spotted her and trotted over. She could count the number of times they'd spoken properly on the fingers of one hand, and it was nearly always when Penelope was with her.
“Hey, Colin! Are you OK?”
“Rae, I need a favour. Pen's refusing to talk to me again.”
“I don't think I should get involved—”.
“—please? I've written her a note,” he pulled an envelope out of his bag and brandished it at her. “I know I was completely out of order the other day, but I need her to understand why. I need to explain…”
Rae hesitated. He seemed like such a sweet, genuine guy. But Penelope was stubborn. “I don't think she'll want to hear it, Colin.”
“I just need you to give her the note, that's all. And… make her read it? Or, maybe you can read it to her?” He was sounding desperate.
She shook her head. “No way, I can't do that. I can give it to her, but that's all.”
“Thank you. But if she won't read it, will you? Please? I just need someone to hear my explanation, if she won't.”
“I'll pass her the note,” was all she would agree to. “I promise.”
He gave her a brief, enthusiastic hug. “Thank you. I owe you one!”
–
The note went down like a lead balloon with Penelope. “No way, I'm not reading that!”
“I told him you'd say that. He asked me to read it, if you wouldn't.”
Penelope shrugged. “Knock yourself out, it's no skin off my nose. I don't care what it says.”
“I'd much rather you just read it yourself. Can't you just hear him out for a minute?”
“I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.”
Rae just rolled her eyes. “Fine. Well, I'll keep hold of it, in case you change your mind.”
Later, back in her own room, Rae opened the envelope carefully and cast her eyes over Colin's note. She nodded and tucked the whole thing away inside the cover of her copy of Pride and Prejudice on the bookshelf.
She thought to herself, I knew it!
–
Another week went by without Penelope speaking to Colin, or reading his note. But then, Rae noticed a shift. Penelope was acting rather snappy whenever Rae asked her what she was up to, and whether she was planning on seeing Alfie. She tried asking what had happened, but Penelope remained tight-lipped.
Finally, Rae was flicking through the latest issue of the student paper when she saw it… a travel piece by Colin Bridgerton, interviewing one Alfie Debling. Rae read the article out of curiosity, but it wasn't until the end that it got really interesting.
Debling's trip sounds like an amazing adventure, but it will take him away from the UK for eleven months. So, for the final word, I asked him: who or what does he think he'll miss the most while he's in Antarctica?
Debling doesn't even hesitate. “I've always felt most at home surrounded by the lush green vegetation of the British countryside. So, the barren icy landscapes of the south pole are going to feel a far cry from the long country walks I enjoy now with our family dog, Sam. Trees and hedgerows will be what I'm dreaming about when I think of home. And I'll be hurrying back at the end of my research to throw the nicest possible stick for the dog.”
I'm sure all at St Andrews will join me in wishing Debling a successful trip. And may he return safe and sound to his faithful friend.
Rae simply smiled to herself.
Chapter 9: Just no getting over you
Chapter Text
May 1995
Penelope was cross again. That article, Colin's interview with Alfie… it had pissed her off.
She'd only been with Alfie a couple of months, and there was no reason at all to expect him to talk about her in the article. They weren't nearly serious enough yet for him to say he'd miss his girlfriend while he was away, not publicly anyway. So, that wasn't the problem.
She'd met the dog, one time when Alfie's mum came up to St Andrews for a visit. Sam was super cute, an adorable Staffy with all the confidence and playfulness of the breed. Penelope loved dogs, and she liked that Alfie did too – it was genuinely a massive plus point. She'd seen right away just how much he loved Sam, the way his eyes had lit up in the presence of the slobbery companion he'd known for over a decade.
She knew that Sam was the one member of his family that Alfie really loved. Sam was also getting on in years, so there was no guarantee he'd still be around by the time Alfie returned from Antarctica. It's hard to explain to a dog why you'll be gone for such a long time. So, she didn't begrudge the dog for taking top spot in Alfie's heart. Of course he'd miss Sam, she would too, in his shoes. So, that wasn't the problem either.
It played on her mind slightly that Colin had done that interview with Alfie, especially after his recent interference. She wondered, had he asked that question on purpose? Was it some sort of test to see if Alfie said he would miss her? It felt calculated; what was Colin trying to prove? And then there was the age-old question of why. Why would Colin even care?
But even though those questions bugged her, in her heart of hearts Penelope knew that wasn't what pissed her off the most about the article. But she was still some way off admitting the real reason, even to herself.
–
A few days later, there was a package waiting in her pigeonhole. It was only from her mother, so she took it up to her room and tossed it on the bed, letting it sit there while she got ready for her night out.
Once she was all ready to go, with a few minutes to spare until Alfie arrived, she opened the package. There was a note from her Mum with a few pleasantries and bits of family news about her sisters and cousin. Next, a pack of photos she'd taken with the Bridgertons at Christmas, which her Dad had finally got developed off his camera. Her stomach lurched at the sight of her and Colin looking happy and smiling together, so she flipped quickly past those. She couldn't handle that right now.
Last of all, there were a couple of letters, written on the lightweight, blue paper of an Airmail pack. Those seemed to have travelled from the UK to her old home in Australia, before being re-routed all the way back to the Featherington home in Hampshire, and finally on to the uni. They were both from Eloise, posted a couple of weeks apart. On one, the address looked more of a scrawl than Eloise’s usual writing, addressed in a hurry perhaps, so she was intrigued.
She opened that one first, glancing over it quickly. She gasped when she realised it wasn't Eloise’s handwriting, but Colin's. She checked the date at the top, and saw that he'd begun writing it immediately after he'd got back from Australia. It had taken months to reach her.
Before she could take a closer look, she heard the knock on her door. She quickly stuffed the two letters into her handbag, before Alfie stuck his head into the room. “Ready to go?”
She jumped up from the bed and grabbed her jacket. Then she slipped on her shoes and headed out of the door.
Penelope was distracted for the rest of the night. Fortunately, Alfie was engrossed in the pub quiz, bickering with the rest of the team over whose answer they should write down, and generally being proven right when they revealed the answers. She could generally hold her own on most kinds of trivia, but with those guys she was surplus to requirements. She might, very occasionally, be called upon to provide the casting vote on their final answer, but no-one would notice if she didn't engage.
So, she spent the evening wondering what to do about Colin's letter. She'd refused to speak to him for ages, and was still standing her ground over the note he'd sent. She'd declined to read it, despite Rae's insistence that she really, really should. So, strictly speaking, she shouldn't read this letter either, right?
This was different though. He'd written this in January, fresh from Australia, and she couldn't help but be curious. This letter wasn't tainted with everything that had happened since her arrival in St Andrews; with the things he'd said to hurt her feelings, or his explanations and apologies that didn't quite hit the mark.
She was gearing herself up for more disappointment, obviously. But the part of her that always remained quietly, deperately optimistic – in spite of everything – yearned to feel close to the Colin she'd known in Australia. While this letter remained in her possession, mysterious and unread, she could pretend it was full of charm, flirtation and promises of forever. The idea was laughable, but compelling.
Occasionally, her attention wandered guiltily back to Alfie beside her. The letter in her bag represented a time before they'd met, a time when she was desperately in love with Colin Bridgerton. And now she had Alfie, who ought to be enough, and she shouldn't care less about Colin.
Except, obviously, she did care, an embarrassing amount really. She still felt a frisson of excitement whenever Colin was nearby. Still longed for him to kiss her again, like he had on the beach, under the gazebo, and that one time they snuck up to his bedroom during the Bridgertons’ leaving party.
But it wasn't just the physical stuff. He was the first person she thought of when she had any news to share, the friend she wanted to tell. He was the person who made her laugh more than anyone else she'd ever known, even when the jokes were dreadful and she could see the punchline coming from miles away.
It didn't matter. He was Colin. And, ultimately, these feelings for Colin totally eclipsed her feelings for Alfie.
That was the problem. Not that Alfie wouldn't miss her when he was gone. It was the fact that she wouldn't miss him. The truth was, she felt fine about him going away, because she didn't really care. And she hated herself just a little bit for it.
She missed Colin every hour of every day. She missed him, even when they were together – no, especially when they were together. She wished she could kiss him and run her hands through his hair and feel his hands on her again.
She sometimes wondered if she'd have been better off never having that time with him. It had made it all the harder, now they were back to being just mates.
But she could never bring herself to regret it. Not in a million years.
Chapter 10: We made a start, now we're apart
Chapter Text
As the quiz ended and the questionmaster announced a short break to tot up the scores, Penelope excused herself to the ladies’. She shut herself in a cubicle and took the letters out.
She opened the one that actually was from Eloise. She'd written lots of general chatter about uni and the rest of her family, plus a bit of fond reminiscing of their time together over Christmas. She shared the odd amusing anecdote too – things that had happened in Australia while Eloise was drunk, that she'd only just remembered – or been reminded of – since they'd left. It made Penelope miss them all so much.
But one section in particular stood out:
Colin was insufferable all the way home. I've never known him mope about so bloody much, I could barely get so much as a grunt out of him. I know he's a ‘Goth with a capital G’, but he's normally a happy one. When we got back he just kept blasting non-stop Nine Inch Nails in his room. I was glad to get rid of him when he returned to St Andrews!!
Oh, he did say one thing though. He said there was something he'd forgotten to tell you, and he was writing you a letter. I expect you've had that by now, so hopefully you'll be able to make sense of him, cos I definitely can't!
Penelope read that bit a couple of times over. She knew Colin's terrible mood was likely unrelated, but it made her feel close to him somehow, knowing that while she'd been sobbing over him leaving, he'd been kind of miserable too. She didn't like to think of him feeling sad though, even if his moping soundtrack was pretty cool.
She was about to give in and read the letter from Colin, but she remembered where she was. There were people waiting to use the loo, and the quiz scores were about to be revealed. Besides, the toilet wasn't exactly the nicest place to catch up on correspondence. So, she returned to Alfie and the team, with her notebook handy so she could report on the scores.
Naturally, the Quizheads had wiped the floor with all the competition, so Alfie was chuffed. “Great work, guys! Another round here, or shall we head off?” He winked at Penelope. Oh god, he's in the mood for sex.
She had to get out of there. Needed time to think and breathe and mope about Colin. “Actually, I'm not feeling too good so I think I'll get myself home to bed. You guys have a good night though? I'll see you tomorrow.” She gave Alfie a peck on the cheek, and headed towards home.
On her walk back, all she could think about was the unread letter in her bag from Colin. And Colin being so miserable Eloise couldn't wait to get rid of him. And Colin writing to tell her something. And just Colin.
So she stopped at a bench on campus, using the lamplight to see by, and gave into temptation.
–
Pen,
We all got home from Australia a few hours ago and I wanted to write to you straight away.
I honestly had the most amazing time on this holiday, and Australia has completely captured my heart. I've always known I wanted to see more of the world after I graduate, and now I'm more certain than ever that I should plan to travel.
It's such a stunning country, I'm sure we'd have had an amazing time in Oz under any circumstances. But I'd be lying if I said that you hadn't played a big part in what made the trip so wonderful.
It was brilliant to be shown around by you and see the country you've come to call home. But… the moments I enjoyed the most were the ones when it was just us. The sights were all incredible, but if I'd never even seen the Sydney Opera House, or the Harbour Bridge, or met a koala, I would still have had the best time of my life because I spent all day, every day, with you.
I'm probably coming on much too strong, but I guess the distance between us has made me bolder. Really, this is all stuff I should have said to you before we left. I was an idiot for leaving without telling you how I feel. Because I'm not sure you appreciated just how glad I was that you asked me to kiss you that night. Or how ridiculous it was that you thought I might only do it as some kind of favour. Or how much I really, really fancy you, Pen.
I hope that I meant more to you than just a guy you trusted enough to practice kissing with. Because you mean so much more to me, and I could gladly kiss you, only you, forever. I'd love to be not just your first kiss, but your first everything.
So, I really wish we'd had more time, or we'd started earlier. Not that I regret getting to know you first, before we kissed. I think that only made it better, because I've kissed girls before, but it's never meant anything to me. Not the way you did do.
Anyway, now we're on opposite sides of the earth, but I'd really love you to be my girlfriend, somehow. If that's not too impossible for you to even contemplate. And then, once I graduate, I can come back for a longer visit. I could use Sydney as my base for a while, if I decide to see a bit more of the world. Although right now it's hard to imagine coming to the place where you are and wanting to travel anywhere else.
We promised to write, and I really hope you do. I have an e-mail account here at the uni, maybe you have too? I don't use it much because I can only access a computer from the library, but I will check it literally every day if there's a chance of a message from you. It would be much more immediate than letters.
I haven't got a clue when you'll receive this, but I'll take it to the Post Office as soon as I can. I hope to hear back from you soon.
I'm not going to be able to get you out of my head after this holiday. I really hope you feel something for me too.
Yours*
Colin xxxxxxxxxx
*I am yours. I'd love you to be mine.
Ps My email address is [email protected]
–
Penelope found Colin easily enough, in his usual haunt. She hadn't exactly decided to go and look for him. But as soon as she read that letter, she felt compelled to, really. Conscious thought be damned.
She had no idea what she was even going to say to him. She just needed to see him. She was feeling kind of overwhelmed to be honest. If Colin had really felt all of that… well, it might explain a few things.
He was at a table with Stanton and a couple of girls she'd seen around before, but didn't know their names. Beautiful gothic queens, with perfect long black talons and the hair to match, and perfect cat's eye flicks of black eyeliner. Perfect, skinny little bodies in corsets and figure-hugging PVC mini skirts, with fishnet tights and massive New Rock boots. She felt like such a loser next to them in her floaty , tie-dye crinkle skirt and Doc Marten's.
Penelope was about to turn and walk straight back out, but then one of the girls looked up and noticed her staring. She nudged Colin, who turned and saw her. Too late.
Colin smiled at her though. Really smiled. “Pen, hey!” He jumped up out of his seat towards her. “Back in a sec, guys,” he told the others.
“Hi Colin,” she mumbled, feeling embarrassed.
“Pen, is everything ok? What's wrong?” He guided her outside, his hand delicate in the small of her back.
He sat on the steps of the pub, Penelope gingerly taking a seat next to him. His black skinny jeans had rips at the knees and she tried not to stare at his bare skin through the holes. “Um… I'm sorry to interrupt you.”
“Not at all, any time. I've been trying…” He stopped as she pulled the letter out of her bag, the thin paper looking crumpled and dirty from all the miles travelled. She held it out for him to see.
Colin’s brow furrowed slightly.
“This arrived today,” Penelope explained.
She watched as his Adam's apple rippled in his throat, swallowing. “Oh, wow. That took its sweet time. I thought… well I assumed perhaps it had never reached you.“
“Assumed, or hoped?” She blurted it out, quicker than she'd meant to. Of course, he'd probably regretted his words the second he posted it.
Colin looked confused. “What?”
“Did you hope it hadn't reached me? After you posted it?”
“What?! No, of course not!”
She gulped, her heart thumping. “Did you… Did you mean it then? What you said?”
He shifted a little uncomfortably on the concrete. He nodded. “Yeh. Yeh, I definitely meant it.”
Penelope heaved a sigh. She bit her lip. “I wish I'd seen it sooner.”
‘Yeh?” He was looking deep into her eyes now. It was intense.
“Yeh. I guess the timing… well, I guess the moment's passed now, anyway.”
“Sure.” He looked away. “You're with Alfie now. I respect that.”
“Oh! Well, I suppose. And you're obviously with—” she gestured to the two women over at his table, talking to his mate Jorden.
“—nobody, Pen.” He cut her off quickly. Threw a casual glance towards the others with a dismissive sort of a laugh. “I'm not with anybody. I haven't been with anyone… not since Australia.”
“Oh.” Penelope was stunned. She didn't know what to say. She thought – assumed – he was seeing someone. Or lots of someones. He must be. He's Colin Bridgerton.
“I've been trying to talk to you for ages, to apologise. I understand you're with Alfie now, and I'll respect that, Pen. I know I wasn't very respectful the other week, but I will try. He seems… nice.” He sighed. “But I miss you. I miss being your friend.”
She wanted to wave away the mention of Alfie, but she knew she couldn’t do that. Not yet anyway. Instead she just said, quietly, "I've missed you too.”
“You have?!” His face lit up. “Then can I at least be your friend, Pen?” He bumped his shoulder against hers. “I hate not talking to you.”
She grinned at him, nodding. “Of course!”
There was an awkward moment of silence, followed by an even more awkward hug. But it was something, at least. A fresh start.
He'd meant it. And he was single. And she needed to be single too.
Chapter 11: Love has flown, all alone
Chapter Text
Ever since he'd posted the letter to Penelope, Colin had waited and wondered. Wondered if the letter had reached her yet. Waited for a reply. He'd worried too, in case he'd come on too strong and scared her off. Or hadn't come on strong enough.
He'd stopped short of telling her he loved her, even though that was precisely how he felt. Saying it in writing felt too vulnerable; he needed to test the waters, to explore her feelings for him first. While it was all happening, it felt as if they had a real connection between them. But now, in the cold light of day, he didn't dare assume that she felt the same way he did.
Perhaps, if Penelope did seem receptive to being his long-distance girlfriend… Well, then he would tell her how entirely he'd fallen for her.
A couple of days later, Colin was back in St Andrews, visiting the library every day to check his e-mail – despite the logistical impossibility of his letter reaching her yet. Even so, each time he got his hopes up for a reply, and every time he found his inbox empty he felt like a little piece of him had died. He checked for letters too, with a frequency bordering on obsession. The weeks dragged on and still he heard nothing, by email or by post.
And then there were his stupid friends. It started innocently enough, with Colin mentioning that he'd been seeing a girl over Christmas, in Australia. They asked questions, but he was reluctant to share anything too personal. Fife's attitude to girls was pretty unsavoury, and Colin's feelings for Penelope felt too sacred to share, so he left the details sketchy.
He gave only monosyllabic answers to most of Fife's questions, confirming that yes, she did indeed have great boobs – yes, even better than Annette's – and yes, they had got friendly down at the beach. And then, Colin got so sick of Fife's lewd talk that he began to zone out his questions completely, realising too late that, by saying nothing, he had admitted to stuff that simply wasn't true.
“I bet she loved it when you spunked all over those massive tits, eh Col?” was one remark that made him squirm with discomfort. But by the time he'd even registered what had been said, the damage was done, his protests falling on deaf ears.
It didn't really matter, Colin assumed, because he'd lost all interest in hanging out with Fife by this point. He'd outgrown their friendship, such as it was, and as soon as they graduated he had zero intention of seeing the guy again.
And then, just as Colin had almost given up on hearing back from Penelope, there she was. She turned up on the steps of the Student's Union, and his brain imploded at the sight of her. She looked different, dressed as she was for winter in Scotland instead of summer in Sydney. She looked crazily beautiful though, and he was thrilled but entirely confused to see her there.
Once he'd more or less pulled himself together and begun to comprehend her explanation, Fife started sticking his nose in. Colin was suddenly wracked with guilt for allowing that arsehole to believe something so crude about Penelope, so he panicked, acting like she meant nothing to him at all. And she – very reasonably – had stormed off.
So, as fast and as suddenly as Penelope Featherington had come back into his life, she was gone again.
Colin held his shit together just long enough to get back to his digs before he broke down and cried.
–
Once he'd got the worst of it out of his system, Colin queued for the phone and dialled home. When Violet Bridgerton picked up it was all he could do to keep his emotions in check.
“Hi, Mum, it's me!”
“Darling! Wonderful to hear from you! How are you getting on?”
“Yeh, not bad, thanks.” He swallowed down the lump in his throat and hoped he sounded more convincing than he felt. “How's life back home?”
“Everything is fine here, Colin. We all miss you, especially Gregory and Hyacinth.”
That made him smile. “Ahhhhh tell them I miss them, too. In fact, put them on when we've finished, I'll tell them myself.”
“Well, make sure you don't run out of money for the payphone, darling.”
“Mum, it's cool, Anthony got me one of those phone cards pre-loaded with a load of call time.”
“Oh, can you do that? Well done, Anthony. Where would we be without him?”
“Ha, yeh can't complain, he's organised this term so well for me.”
“Well he knows you need to focus on your finals. Have you been putting in plenty of study time?”
Colin paused for a beat. “Yeh I'm working really hard, don't worry,” he lied. Well, what was he supposed to tell her? No, I'm madly in love, and I've neglected all my studies?
“Well done, d—”
“Mum, did y—”
They both spoke at once.
“Sorry darling, go ahead.”
“I was just going to ask… Did you know the Featheringtons are back in the UK?” It felt weird saying it. Featherington.
Violet chuckled. “Very funny darling.“
“Why's that funny?”
“Well, obviously I knew about that, you heard it from me! How is Penelope settling in up there?”
“Mum, I only found out this afternoon. I ran into her a couple of hours ago. I had no idea she was even in the country…”
Suddenly her words registered fully, “Wait, what do you mean I heard it from you?!”
“You did get my letter?”
“No, what letter? I haven't had any letter, Mum!”
“Yes, she had to transfer there and I promised Portia Featherington you would meet her and make her welcome when she arrived.”
“Fuck!” Colin groaned. “No wonder she was so mad at me!”
"It's right here on the notepad where I wrote the details. You were to meet her Monday night, 6th of February, at McIntosh Hall. I wrote to you straight away, care of the faculty, it should have been in your pigeonhole. I didn't trust your new digs well enough to send it to you there. I thought it would get lost,” Violet babbled.
“Shit!” Colin avoided the obvious question as to why she hadn't mentioned it when he'd called home, which he normally did at least twice a week. His mother had enough information to carry in her head, and he definitely couldn't blame his current predicament on her.
“Colin darling stop swearing, you sound terribly uncouth.”
“Mum, it's been over a month, I never got your letter and I've only just seen her! And now she hates me!”
“I'm sure she'll understand you didn't get the message—”
“—Yeh, but after what I said this afternoon…” he groaned.
“Why, whatever did you say?”
“Nothing… doesn't matter. Look, sorry Mum I've got to go. I'll speak to the kids next time, OK? Love you all.”
Colin hung up the phone and banged his head against the wall.
“Fuck.”
–
From then on, all Colin could think about was making amends with Pen. He hung around on campus in the hope of running into her, but every time their paths crossed she told him where to shove it.
And then one time he saw her she was very definitely with someone, a blonde guy he recognised from the quiz team. Older and smarter and more respectable than Colin. And yeh, she deserved someone like that. But Colin so wanted to be her friend, if he could be nothing more.
Things improved between them once Eloise had a word with her, and she'd given him a chance to apologise properly. But then he'd gone and fucked it up again, because he freaked out over Alfie. And he'd felt like the world's biggest piece of shit again for getting all jealous about her having sex with someone who wasn't him. Because of course it was none of his damn business, but the thought of it made him feel physically sick.
But Penelope couldn't know that. She was with someone else, and Colin's feelings were irrelevant.
Now here they were, she'd finally read and acknowledged his letter. She'd even made it seem like it was what she'd wanted to hear, at some time. Which meant maybe there had been a chance for them once, which was very hard to swallow.
All he could do now was to make himself worthy of her friendship again.
Chapter 12: Feel your way
Chapter Text
The letter from Colin changed everything. Next morning, Penelope went straight from her morning tutorial to the library.
Alfie was poring over a map of Antarctica when she found him, and he greeted her warmly. “Hello! This is a nice surprise.”
Penelope held back from giving him her usual kiss, taking the seat opposite him instead. “Hi, are you really busy?”
“Not so busy I can't break off for you. Want to grab a drink?”
“Sure.” She smiled. He was a really good guy. He just wasn't Colin.
Alfie grabbed his tan leather briefcase and led her outside towards a coffee place he liked. “Are you feeling better now?”
Penelope frowned a little, remembering too late that she'd made an excuse to leave the quiz without him. “Oh, yes, thank you. Much better.” Normally she'd be chatty, telling him about her day, but she wasn't in the mood. She just needed to get this done.
Once they were seated with a pot of tea, Alfie eyed her suspiciously. “OK, what's up?”
Damn, she hated having to do this. She worried at a bit of fingernail that had begun to split and kept her eyes resolutely fixed on that. “I'm sorry, but… I don't think this ... I don't …”
“Ah. It's that speech,” he said, resigned.
She flicked a look at him over the café table. “I guess, yeh.”
“You don't want us to go out any more?”
She muttered sheepishly, “I'm sorry. I just don't think we're quite righ—”
“—It's him isn't it?” cut in Alfie.
Startled, she made proper eye contact for the first time. “Him? Who?”
“Colin Bridgerton. I've seen the way he looks at you, it's not exactly a surprise.”
Her brow furrowed again. “What do you mean? How does he look at me?”
He laughed out loud. “Oh, come on Penelope, it's been obvious you have a history with him for as long as I've known you.”
Obvious. She thought she'd been so careful, hiding her feelings away so no-one could see how entirely her heart belonged to Colin. It seemed she'd failed. Still she kept up the pretence. “Oh. Well, I mean he's an old friend…”
Alfie laughed, stirring his tea. “Old friend. Right…” he sighed. “I thought maybe you'd put it behind you, whatever you'd had. Just stayed friends. But it's clear that's not enough for him. I hoped it might be enough for you.”
“What are you talking about? He doesn't… I mean we're not like that.”
“But you would like to be, Penelope…” It wasn't a question, more of an absolute.
She sighed, letting her shoulders relax from somewhere round by her ears. “Is it that obvious?”
“Yes. But only because he makes you light up in a way I could never aspire to achieve.”
She gulped. “I'm sorry.”
“Look, it's fine. I'll be going away soon. No point me asking you to wait around til I'm back… Not when you already have him wrapped around your little finger instead.” He sounded bitter but resigned.
Her instinct was to deny it, but she couldn't see any point now. Not in front of Alfie, anyway. Instead she managed a quiet, “Oh.”
“I do really like you, Penelope. But you and Colin will be good together, I'm sure.”
“I don't even know if that's what either of us wants…” she lied. It was definitely what she wanted. Had always wanted, really.
Alfie rose from his chair. “I think you can be pretty confident it's what Colin wants. I hope you and he find what you're looking for.” He gave her a brief, perfunctory hug. “No hard feelings, OK?” Then he was out of the café like a shot.
Penelope breathed a sigh of relief, and smiled a hopeful smile.
–
Back at McIntosh Hall, Penelope stuck her head around Rae's door.
“Hey! Do you umm…” She bit her lip, embarrassed for even asking the question. Rae looked up from her magazine and gave her a questioning look. “Do you still have that note from Colin I refused to read?”
Rae's face changed to one of relief. “Finally! Are you going to give the poor guy a chance?” She jumped up to reach for Pride and Prejudice off her bookshelf.
“What's that supposed to mean?!”
“Well you've made him suffer for so long. That poor boy is crazy about you.”
Penelope bit the inside of her lip. “Does everyone apparently know this except me?”
Rae just gave her a look like she was some kind of blithering idiot.
Penelope swallowed hard before admitting, “I broke up with Alfie. He said… he said he knew I had feelings for Colin.”
Rae shrugged in a way that suggested she wasn't the least bit surprised. “Yeh, give him his dues, he's always been smart, that one.”
Penelope rolled her eyes. Apparently everyone else caught on rather quicker than she did.
“I got a letter from him yesterday. From Colin. He wrote when he got back from Australia. It's been all the way there and back. So now… I need to read the rest.”
“Happy to oblige.” said Rae, flipping open the book easily at the page where the note was concealed. She handed the envelope to Penelope. “Now, bugger off and read it for fuck's sake! And tell me how it goes when you talk to him.”
Penelope turned towards her own room. “Thank you.”
–
In her room, with the door locked, Penelope tore open the envelope. She took a deep breath and began.
Dear Penelope
The formality of her full name felt wrong already. Too distant.
I owe you an apology. I'm so sorry. I had no right to stick my nose into your business with Alfie.
I only ducked into the pub tonight to speak to a mate of mine, but I bumped into Alfie in the gents. He'd just bought a pack of condoms from the machine, and he winked at me, like he knew how much it would hurt me. And he was right. It really fucking hurt.
That was… unexpected. It didn't sound like the kind of thing Alfie would do. Stupid boys and their egos…
I know it's none of my business, I just freaked. The idea of you sleeping with him drives me crazy. You drive me crazy, Penelope.
Holy shit. Her eyes grew wide as she read his words.
I knew you were celebrating and I thought maybe it would be your first time… maybe I could stop it happening. Because since January I've thought about nothing but wanting you.
Penelope's heart was pounding through her ribcage.
I thought we had something in Australia. I'm sorry I never made that kind of a move. Believe me, I really wanted to.
She bit down on her lower lip, trying to stop it from wobbling. She tasted her own blood.
I thought taking things further would just make it so much harder when I had to leave. If you read that as a lack of interest, that couldn't have been further from the truth.
You deserve to be told every day how special and beautiful you are, Pen. So, if Alfie gives you that, I'm really happy for you.
Penelope swallowed hard, feeling foolish. That was not what being with Alfie was like. Nice guy, but light on compliments.
I know I was out of order to say what I did. I promise I'll get over it, slowly. But I can't lose you as a friend.
Please, Pen, I'm begging for another chance.
Colin xxx
She put down the letter and let the tears fall.
Chapter 13: Please say you'll stay
Summary:
This Colin just will not stop obsessing over this Penelope and this chapter has taken so long to get out. I've shaved off over 1400 words just to make it less self-indulgent but there may be a bonus one shot chapter some time that includes some of that stuff.
I promise we are getting very near to their HEA, sorry for dragging it out. This boy is so lovesick 😆
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The morning after they kissed, there was this energy between them. Colin came down to breakfast after the girls, and exchanged furtive glances with Pen, trying not to arouse suspicion from the others. He wasn't sure why, he just felt this was best kept between the two of them, for now – especially since they hadn't discussed it.
Still, they brushed past each other on their way to the fridge, the buzz of something intangible between them whenever their eyes met. And while Eloise was preoccupied with her head in a book, Penelope mouthed a cute little Hi in his direction, with a light in her eyes that made him light up, too.
Francesca, it seemed, was onto them straight away. She was one of those people you sometimes forget is there, hiding quietly in corners and observing while the Bridgerton melee unfolds around her. She'd clearly noticed the shift between the two of them, asking Colin when they were briefly alone, “I take it you've been forgiven for Cressida then?” Colin simply grinned at his sister.
For the rest of the holiday, every moment he could spend kissing her, he was kissing her. Sneaking moments alone while the others weren't looking and living for the nights after everyone else had gone to bed. He was utterly in her thrall.
As the trip drew to a close, Daphne and Simon rejoined them all from their break in Bali, delightedly showing off her new engagement ring. Anthony and Benedict also returned from their travels, full of stories of everything – and everyone – they'd seen and done.
When Ben and Colin found a minute to catch up privately, Ben asked, “So, how's the action been around here?”
Colin shook his head, acting coy. “A gentleman never kisses and tells.”
Ben raised his eyebrows. “You do admit there's been kissing then?”
Colin said nothing, only raised his beer bottle in a toast. Ben clinked his own against it with a smile. “Good for you.”
“Please don't say anything. Eloise doesn't know.”
“Oh, so you both have a deathwish as well now?”
Colin smirked. “There are far worse ways to go than snogging El's best mate.”
Ben grinned at his younger brother, and then the grin turned to a look of concern. “Hang on. Are you going to be OK when we leave?”
Colin took a deep breath. “Nope!” he said with conviction, popping the P. “I am resigned to being the very antithesis of OK.”
Benedict pulled him in for a bear hug. “Oh, mate. You're in for a rough ride.” He patted Colin on the back and planted a smacker on his forehead before heading back out to the terrace.
Later, Penelope apologised for not yet vacating Ben's room, but he would hear none of it. “No, you stay right where you are. I'm going to bunk in with Greg for the last couple of nights, isn't that right mate?”
The youngest Bridgerton brother shrugged, barely concealing his excitement to share a room with one of the grown-ups. “Yeh, as long as you don't think you're getting top bunk. That's mine.”
Ben ruffled Greg's hair. “Of course! That little ladder is only fit for skinny little squirts anyway,” he teased. Greg kicked him in the shins.
Penelope thanked Ben, and Colin was thrilled she wouldn't have to go back to her Mum's for the last couple of nights, or double up with Eloise.
–
On their final night, the Bridgertons’ threw a farewell party. Violet kindly took herself out for the evening to see a show with Portia and Archie Featherington, leaving her kids to their fun and promising not to come home before 1am. Even Greg and Hyacinth got a pass to hang out with their older siblings, as long as they promised to be in bed by midnight.
Once the booze was well and truly working its magic, Fran got out her guitar for what the Bridgertons liked to call “posh karaoke”. Eloise went first; she was a great singer even when hammered, making a good account of You Don't Own Me with bags of attitude. Then Benedict shifted the mood entirely with I'm Too Sexy, flexing his biceps and making everyone – but particularly his siblings – shriek with laughter.
Daphne followed that with a rendition of These Boots Were Made For Walking, strutting around sexily in nothing but a bikini and knee-high boots. Simon wore a look that was positively feral, like he might chuck her over his shoulder and carry her straight up to bed, if only her damn brothers weren't all watching.
Next, Colin got dragged up to the front, his loud protests convincing absolutely no-one. They all knew he was the best singer among them, save Fran, and he never wasted an opportunity to show off.
He loved a bit of a croon, so he plumped for Beyond the Sea, realising too late that the lyrics sort of made him think of Penelope. She could be the lover, standing on golden sands, looking out to sea and waiting for him to sail back to her. He even got kind of choked up towards the end, as he sang, We'll meet, beyond the shore. We'll kiss, just as before. He had to avoid looking in her direction for fear of giving away their secret, or worse, actually crying in front of everyone.
As soon as he'd finished, Pen's elder sister Prudence barged her way past Simon and grabbed the ‘microphone’ – actually Daphne’s hairbrush – from Colin.
“That's enough Bridgertons for now, give someone else a go,” she declared, before proceeding to murder The Shoop Shoop Song. Everyone in the room visibly winced, apart from Harry – Pru's boyfriend, who was, presumably, stone deaf.
Colin wandered over to Penelope who was dying of embarrassment at Pru's tuneless efforts. She was with her friend Genevieve, who Ben seemed determined to charm. Ten minutes later, Gen was brandishing the hairbrush, using Benedict as a prop for her choreography to Dress You Up, to everyone's delight. While they were all distracted by Ben feeling the silky touch of Gen's caresses, Colin turned to Pen and whispered, “Come with me.” He headed towards the stairs, and Penelope waited no more than a minute before following suit.
Colin led her up to his room, his heart racing. He had no idea what he was going to do with Pen once he'd got her there, he simply knew he needed one final time with her, alone. There was a slight panic in Penelope's voice as she fretted, “Someone will notice we're gone.”
“They won't!” Colin declared as he closed the door behind them. He pondered for a second. “Well, OK they might, but… let them notice.” He pushed her gently back up against the wall, caging her with his arms. His breath quickened, and his lips hovered millimetres from Penelope's.
She hesitated for a moment, her chest heaving, before dragging him closer, with one hand on the back of his neck and one at his waist. Their lips crashed together, and it was urgent and messy and desperate, not like any of the kisses they'd shared before.
When they finally broke apart, Colin was practically panting. “I'm going to miss this so much, Pen,” he breathed.
She was gazing into his eyes, her pupils blown wide and her lips parted. Her eyes flicked away from his for a fraction of a second, just long enough for him to clock that she'd glanced over to the bed. She shifted her gaze back to him and bit her lip, sheepishly.
“Do you trust me?” Colin asked shakily, and she nodded, following him across the room. They both kicked off their shoes and sat back against the headboard, their tongues tangling eagerly. Then Colin groaned as Penelope took the initiative, moving to kneel astride his lap. His hands found her breasts, first over her clothes, then under, and seconds later her top and bra were on the floor. He stripped off his t-shirt too, pulling her close and relishing the feel of flesh on flesh as they kissed.
He wasn't sure how long they spent that way, kissing and caressing one minute, Colin with his face buried ecstatically between Pen's breasts the next. But eventually he slowed things back down to a more leisurely pace, because much as his body craved more, he was terrified of overstepping and ruining their last night together. He didn't want to push for more than she wanted to give. Truth be told, he had no idea what he was doing past this point, but he knew there'd be no coming back from it. If they went there and then he had to leave, it may just kill him.
So instead, he began to simply gaze at Penelope, tracing the curves of her with reverent hands. She seemed to hold her breath, hardly daring to move. He stopped to admire her tattoo, now that he could see it properly without her bikini on, tracing the outline with his index finger. “Did it hurt?”
“Yeh!” she nodded. “I was warned this was a painful place to have one, especially for your first ever tattoo, and it's quite big. But it was OK.”
“It's really pretty.” He dropped a tender kiss there at the side of her boob and ribcage. “Fuck, I can't believe you're letting me touch you like this, Pen.”
She giggled.
He felt lightheaded from simply looking at her. Then he groaned in disappointment. “I don't want to go home.”
“Well, no-one ever does at the end of a holiday, do they?”
“Can't I take you with me?” He gave her a pleading look. “I'm pretty sure Eloise would be on board.”
“Ha, yeh I can just see you and El trying to smuggle me through customs!”
Colin chuckled. Then he muttered, “Hyacinth would probably help…”
A moment passed in relaxed silence, until their eyes met, and they mirrored each other's grins as they spoke in unison,
“…and Gregory!”
They both sniggered. At the age of 14, Gregory's burgeoning – and very sweet – crush on Penelope was becoming quite an in-joke amongst the older siblings.
Penelope looked thoughtful. “I've had a great time, Colin.”
“Me too,” he replied, twirling a lock of her hair and feeling so much more than he could say.
From outside his door, they heard Daphne yelling for Hy and Greg that they had to be in bed in five minutes and she'd be checking on them.
“Shit, we'd better get back downstairs or we'll be caught canoodling.”
Penelope simply nodded. “I guess so.”
Back at the party, no-one seemed to suspect anything, clearly all too accustomed to seeing the two of them together, platonically, by now. It was a good job they didn't, because a little later Ben and Gen emerged from a cupboard looking rather dishevelled, prompting considerable whooping and hollering from everyone. They leaned into it though, Ben taking a little bow and Gen giving his arse an exaggerated spank in full view of everyone. Colin got the impression that Pen would be a lot less keen to receive that kind of attention.
Still, they hung out together for the rest of the night, to the exclusion of almost everyone else. The karaoke was a constant source of amusement, as Ben passed round the tequila shots and everyone got louder and tipsier. Francesca always refused to sing in front of an audience, and Pen was too shy, but everyone else had a go, with differing levels of success.
When the call came for Colin to go up a second time, he knew exactly what to choose. He'd begun associating INXS’ Never Tear Us Apart with Penelope almost as soon as they'd arrived in Oz.
Penelope and Eloise were always reminiscing over the day they'd first met Pen in the park, back when the Featheringtons were still in London. He'd been playing catch with Ben and El, and was squinting into the low evening sun, tracking the tennis ball Benedict had lobbed far too high. He was watching it intently, waiting for it to fall within catching distance, and backed straight into the path of a cute little redhead. At that moment, two worlds really had collided, and she became Eloise's shadow and the ninth Bridgerton sibling, it seemed.
So, Colin channelled his inner Michael Hutchence and hoped his choice wasn't too sentimental and obvious for everyone else, but that Pen would know it was meant for her.
Don't ask me
What you know is true
Don't have to tell you
I love your precious heart
I… I was standing
You were there
Two worlds collided
And they could never tear us apart
He couldn't tell her reaction to his performance, and then his mum got home, and the party began to disperse. They all had a flight to catch the next day, after all. Everyone hugged everyone else good night, Colin holding Penelope for twice as long as the rest. At the top of the stairs, they both hesitated for a moment, before going to their separate rooms.
Back in St Andrews, Colin had wondered ever since what might have happened if he'd followed her, or she'd followed him.
Notes:
I may do a playlist of all the karaoke songs, and others I haven't included here. Watch this space.
Feel free to share other ideas on what the others would choose!
Chapter 14: My heart is set on you
Notes:
Explainers on some of the 90s Brit references in end notes.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Colin was going slowly, quietly insane.
Penelope had got his letter. She'd seemed kind of sad it had taken so long, agreed they could be friends again. But then… nothing. He hadn't heard from her at all, and he knew he should give her space, but he missed her.
And the truth was he wanted to be more than friends, so much more, but that was all that she could give him. It would have to be enough, even while her boyfriend left her behind to go and shag penguins or whatever it was.
No, that was beneath him. Alfie was a nice guy. He just happened to be a nice guy who Pen had chosen, who got to share his bed with Pen, and Colin was out of his mind with jealousy. He had no right. No right to mind. No right to want his friend that way. No right to think of her that way at all.
But it had been over a week and he hadn't even glimpsed her from afar on campus, and God knows he'd looked. And she'd been nowhere to be found.
So, when the doorbell rang in his flat, and she was there, it seemed like some kind of a mirage.
She looked gorgeous. And he shouldn't stare, shouldn't tell her how hot she was or how much he missed kissing those lips. But he couldn't not look, right? He was just a man, standing in front of a girl he was madly in love with, and grinning like some kind of buffoon.
“Pen! Hey.”
“Hi.” She seemed nervous, looking up at him from behind long lashes, seeming smaller than usual.
“God, it's great to see you. Have you been OK? Do you want to come in?”
Penelope nodded and stepped inside.
“I'm sorry, this place is a shit-tip. My flatmates are complete slobs,” said Colin, stooping to pick up some other guy's boxer shorts that were lying in the hall for no good reason. He lobbed them in the general direction of their shared kitchen and made a mental note to nag everyone again.
“Do you want to come into my room? I think it smells less like boys.” He knew he was babbling, but couldn't seem to stop.
Penelope giggled and followed him in.
Colin quickly shoved his washing pile into a drawer and prayed there were no obvious wank stains on the duvet. “Have a seat,” he gestured towards his desk chair, but she sat on the bed instead, curling her legs under herself.
He wasn't sure what to do with himself so he hovered by the door, afraid to move in case the mirage vanished.
She swallowed. “I wondered if you're going to the ball next week?”
Weird question. He just smiled and shook his head. “Nah, I don't normally bother. It'll be full of Shazzers doing the bloody Whigfield dance.”
She giggled at that. “Yeh, but I thought we could stand on the sidelines and take the piss together? Could be a laugh?” She tilted her head persuasively, and it was only subtle but had the power to make him do anything she asked.
It really would, Colin thought. Slight snag though. “I'm sure Alfie would love that, me playing gooseberry with you.” He stared resolutely at the floor.
Penelope waited a beat, saying nothing. The weight of silence fell between them.
He looked up at her, suddenly curious. “Are you… are you going with Alfie?”
Penelope shook her head. “We broke up…”
Colin's pulse began to race, suddenly sensing a glimmer of hope. “Ah… Pen, I'm… sorry?” He said it as a question, seeking her permission not to be sorry at all.
“It's all good. I ended it.”
“Ah. Great. As long as you're OK?”
She nodded.
“So, are you going without a date?”
“That depends.”
“On…?”
“On whether anyone else asks me.” She was looking right into his eyes now, and he was nearly, almost, completely positive about what she wanted him to say.
Colin licked his lips, his mouth gone dry. “Well then… I would love to take you to the ball, Pen. Would you consider coming to the ball with me?”
She gave him a warm look, nodding. “Yes. I would like that very much.”
Colin cracked a small smile. “And this would be… as friends?” He hedged his bets. “Or…?”
“I'm hoping it might be more like a date.”
His smile broke free, fully, and Penelope grinned back. He stepped closer and took her hand in his. Wanted to say something, but couldn't find any words. He circled the backs of her knuckles with his thumb.
Another moment of silence, and then his senses returned, just enough to wonder, “Shit! Is it too late to buy tickets now?”
“I already have a pair of tickets,” she reassured him. “You might have the wrong namecard and you might have to eat vegan food,” she shrugged apologetically.
He'd never cared about anything less. “Pen, they can say I'm Kermit the frog and serve me whatever the hell frogs eat, as long as I'm there as your date.”
She snorted a laugh, stifling it behind her hand. “I doubt it'll come to that. It's black tie, is that OK?”
“That's fine. I'll rustle something up.” He looked into her beautiful blue eyes and nearly melted. He wanted to kiss her, but then she tugged her hand out from his, stood up off the bed, and walked away.
He felt slightly bereft, but watched her with affection as she wandered around his room. She picked up a couple of CDs from the desk, replaced them, then leafed through his copy of Irvine Welsh's Trainspotting. Moving over to the bookshelf, she stopped dead in her tracks, and turned to look at him again. Ah, shit. The picture.
She gave him a shocked look. “Colin, that's me.”
“Yeh, from the beach in Australia,” came his apologetic reply.
“How long have you had this!?” She picked up the little photo frame from his shelf.
“A few months. End of January, I guess… Sorry is that weird? I just really liked it, with the sunset, and your hair.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “And your beautiful face…”
She blushed. “No, it's fine. I love it. I'm only… sorry, I guess.”
–
Colin crossed the room over to Penelope once more and gently brushed a lock of hair from her eyes.
“It's OK, Pen. I acted like a dick. But, in my defence, the girl I'd been dreaming about had turned up from ten thousand miles away, completely out of the blue.” He sounded so earnest, and then, “All the blood had rushed from my brain to my cock…”
He winked at her, and Penelope's eyes practically popped out of her head. She couldn't help but glance down to his crotch, curiosity getting the better of her. She couldn't see any evidence of a hard-on right now, but she remembered a couple of times down on the beach, kissing on the sand with Colin's hand inside her top, when she'd definitely felt his erection pressed against her.
And that final night, there was definitely something… down there. But he'd ended things kind of abruptly and she assumed it was an involuntary response, and he clearly didn't want to actually do anything with it…
When she looked back up to meet his gaze he was smiling adorably, and the temptation to kiss him was strong. The corners of her mouth started to go, and he clocked it, and the pair of them spluttered and burst out laughing, Colin throwing his head right back in that unabashed way that she loved.
He took hold of her hand again, with that earnest expression that made her feel like she was the most important person in his entire world. That same look, she now realised, that he'd given her repeatedly in Australia, only she was too stupid to see it for what it was.
“Pen,” he purred.
Her heart skipped a beat. “Can we start again?”
Colin gazed into her eyes with an intensity that made her breath quicken. And then he leaned in to kiss her. And she kissed him right back.
Notes:
For reference, a university ball is basically like a prom, sometimes at Christmas or the end of the academic year. Sit down meal and a disco, essentially. Depending on the size of the institution it might include everyone, or sometimes there'd be one for your faculty, your hall of residence, or one of the societies you're in.
-
Shazzer = Sharon = what alternative types used to call the sort of trendy, common-looking girls. Often Sharons and Traceys.
The equivalent boys would be Kevins or Kevs.-
Whigfield had a massive cheesy pop hit with Saturday Night in September 1994, spending four weeks at number one in the UK and going double platinum. It was an anthem for a lot of students during freshers' week that year. Personally, I was a Goth so my flatmate blasting it out on repeat made me want to murder her.
The dance routine also featured in an episode of Derry Girls.
https://youtu.be/V4bLuNOayxQ?feature=shared-
You've probably heard of Kermit the frog 😆🐸
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