Chapter Text
The morning of the second exam, Naruto wakes up to Gaara still beside him, wide awake, looking down at him. It was more endearing than creepy to Naruto, to know Gaara, whatever he now was to him, was watching over him as he slept.
There was a feeling of sorrow in the air of the room though. The sunbeams poured through the window, illuminating their faces, seeing each other clearly now. There was no time for domesticity, despite Naruto wanting nothing more than to make him feel wanted in Naruto’s home. He understood the emotions behind Gaara’s placid expression. He offered him a gentle kiss, fingers in his hair making him quiver like always, and then they left Naruto’s flat.
They both knew they had to go their separate directions. Explaining why they were together was something neither of them cared to do, but before they parted, Naruto made Gaara promise not to help him on this exam. It was something Naruto had to accomplish on his own this time.
And Gaara seemed to understand. They both walk in their separate directions knowing they will end up back at the same place except this time, as competitors.
The second part of the exam required them to be in the forest for at most four days. Naruto would be lying if he said it wasn’t somewhat daunting, especially knowing the dangerous looking group of people he was up against.
When the time came, Naruto entered the gates alongside his squad.
Being in the woods surrounded by nature was, in a way, calming for Naruto. It wasn’t supposed to have that effect, being called the “Forest of Death” and all that, but as they walked further in he found he could momentarily escape the anxiety of the real world situation he was in.
Though his thoughts still returned to him, that bewildering red haired boy that was like a worm in his brain. The way he had confessed his love to him so easy the night before. The way Gaara said it back. The idea that Naruto himself might be one of the only people he’s ever loved in his whole life, the only person who’s ever loved him.
The thought makes Naruto’s heart ache the same way it had when he was a child. An unloveable unwanted child. And maybe part of the reason he’s so drawn to him is he can see himself. Naruto can feel Gaara’s pain as if it were his own.
As they trek through the woods, suddenly Sasuke stops. Naruto isn’t sure how long they have been walking but with how dark it has become, he figures they must be deep in the forest now. He curses himself for letting his guard drop.
“Someone’s here,” Sasuke says, pulling out a kunai.
Naruto searches around, trying to detect the presence that alerted Sasuke, but it’s not until they’re hit with what feels like a massive, ear deafening force that they can determine their location.
Three ninja reveal themselves from the trees, those creepy sound ninja they had seen before. The force of the blow had slammed Naruto to the ground, knocking the air out of his lungs.
As he regains steadiness on his feet, he summons a group of shadow clones, wasting no time in attacking, but it’s useless as he watches them vanish at once with one blow from that guys sound jutsu.
Sasuke uses his fireball jutsu and fails. Sakura’s kunai and shurikens get dodged and knocked away like toys and Naruto is running out of chakra to keep making clones.
They are hit by another massive explosion of sound, and Naruto swears he’s gone deaf. He feels warm liquid leaking from his ears and every bone in his body aches as he attempts to get to his feet.
“Sasuke!” He hears Sakura yell. Sasuke is on the ground a few feet from Naruto. Through the dust swirling around them, he can make out needles protruding from his body as he trembles on the ground, straining to move. Naruto is reminded of Haku. The needles must have hit his vital points.
Legs quivering, Naruto turns back toward the sound ninja who look at him amused. “I’m gonna end this right now! I refuse to let you hurt my friends!” Naruto summons what is left of his chakra to summon as many shadow clones as possible, charging all at once.
The blows they manage to land are minor, quickly getting wiped out by that same guys jutsu, an entire army wiped out in an instant.
Naruto pants from the ground, body trembling trying to get up once more, but it feels useless. It’s three against one, even Naruto can recognize how bad of a situation he’s in.
Sakura is frantically trying to perform first aid on Sasuke but Naruto can see the tears in her eyes, knowing they’re all defenseless against these shinobi.
“Hey,” the girl in the group says, “who the hell are you?”
Naruto strains to look up, squinting through the sweat and blood dripping down his face. His eyes widen upon realization.
Gaara.
“I’m the person who’s going to take your life.”
Naruto watches helpless on the ground as Gaara’s sand flawlessly blocks every single attack that had just demolished him and his squad. The sand whirs through the air almost too fast to see as it wraps around the sound ninjas’ bodies, fully enveloping them.
Gaara walks closer to them until he is face to face with the defenseless, now horrified ninja. The same one who’d attacked first. The sand snakes up further now, blocking their mouths and noses. Tears stream from the girl ninja’s wide eyes.
“How I wish I could stay and watch each of you suffocate,” Gaara says, emotion devoid from his low raspy voice. “But I have no time for that, especially not for those as insignificant as you scum.” Gaara faces away from them, walking in the other direction.
Naruto watches, petrified as Gaara makes a hand sign he doesn’t recognize. “Sand coffin.”
Naruto almost vomits on the ground. The sound of breaking, no, crushing bones reaching his eardrums even through the blood that was still trickling out.
He’s stunned, mind reeling with the scene he’s witnessing before him. He cringes when he hears the bodies drop, too afraid to look over at them. Instead he stares up at that face he knows so well.
There’s a look in Gaara’s eyes as he gazes down at Naruto, something small, skittish, and fearful. But he stays silent, looking away and disappearing into the trees without a sound.
Naruto feels sick. Gaara had saved his life, him and his squad, his friends. They would have been killed if that fight went on for just a minute longer. Yet he still couldn’t shake the image of Gaara’s stoicism as he practically tortured then murdered three people. The way he taunted them, almost sounding amused.
How could someone capable of something so heinous look at someone like Naruto with so much fear?
“Why- why didn’t he kill us?” Sakura says as they slowly find their way to a safer, less exposed spot.
Naruto is silent, staring down at the ground as they trudge through the forest. His gut is filled with heavy dread as he tries to understand his emotions. Should he feel angry? Grateful? Afraid?
Being afraid of Gaara doesn’t feel right.
This is the same boy who laid in his arms last night. Who cried to him, who allowed Naruto to be gentle with him. He starts to wonder how broken he actually is. How broken a person needs to be to be so scared yet so wrathful.
Naruto wonders if he hadn’t found the ones who cared about him, if he might have turned out the same way.
*
Gaara tries to hide the way he trembles as they make their way to the tower. They’ve had their scrolls long before their… detour.
He can feel his siblings’ tension as they follow behind him and the presence is somewhat irritating. It’s nothing compared to the insurmountable dread pooling inside him. Grief threatens to overcome him.
He knew this would happen sooner or later, he just hadn’t known when. When Naruto would finally understand who he truly was. And though he expected it, he hadn’t expected the feeling he got when he looked into Naruto’s wide eyes, filled with fear. Fear of him. All Gaara can do is destroy. Destroy everything that has and ever could have cared for him.
He wasn’t designed to be loved and he knows it. Yet he let himself indulge in something he knew would be ruined at his own hands. He let himself love someone knowing he was destined to be hated, and now he’s paying the price of being foolish.
When they enter the doors of the tower, they open their scrolls as instructed and are lead into a waiting area. They aren’t surprised to be the only people there considering how quickly they were able to finish the exam.
They sit down in the large empty room and Gaara can feel his shell cracking by each passing minute. He did this to himself, he should have been prepared for this. But he feels himself slipping, his eyes misty with unshed tears.
“Gaara,” Temari’s voice is low and slightly cautious.
Gaara remains silent.
“We saw you save that boy out there.” Gaara had told his siblings to stay behind and keep watch. He’d hoped they wouldn’t know, or at least not question him.
He thinks back. Back to when he first picked up Naruto’s distressed scent. He tracked it down through the forest despite remembering his promise not to help him. But he also remembers the hopelessness in Naruto’s eyes as he lay on the ground, battered and bruised and defenseless. The only thought running through Gaara’s mind was if he did nothing, Naruto could get killed.
Murdering those three hadn’t felt the same as any other time. The people he has killed before, none of it had any purpose other than Gaara’s own selfish satisfaction. But this time he did it for a purpose. He felt anger and desperation. He felt the need to protect something for the first time in his life.
He holds onto the sliver of hope that Naruto understands. Even if he doesn’t, Naruto is still alive because of him. Gaara never imagined he’d be the one to save a life.
“You care about him, don’t you,” Temari says softly. He knows she is taking a risk talking to Gaara at all right now, but somehow he can’t find it in him to be angry at her.
Shakily, he nods, and he feels slightly humiliated by the admission. For his whole life he has disregarded his siblings. They were never important in his eyes, the same as everyone else. Held the same fear of him that everyone else did.
But here Temari was, taking a risk for nobody’s sake but Gaara’s. Something no one else would have done.
“Ya know, little brother,” Kankuro starts, “With the way that kid’s been giving you heart eyes since you met him, I don’t think he has it in him to turn his back on you. He’s got the hardest head I’ve ever witnessed.”
Gaara looks up at his brother, who doesn’t falter like normal. He never did hate his siblings. Not like he hated the rest of the world at least. He considered them neutral. Perhaps just a nuisance or an inconvenience at times.
Right now though as he looks between the two, there’s something there that almost stabilizes him. Keeping him from descending into the deep pits of his own deprecating thoughts.
“Naruto said he loves me,” Gaara admits quietly. For once in his life, he feels small.
The two of them look almost shocked for a moment.
“Do you love him?” Temari asks.
Gaara sits silent for a moment. “I wish I didn’t.”
*
Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke are finally able to make it to the meeting tower, both scrolls obtained, though they went through a hell of a lot of trouble to get them.
Entering, they speak briefly with Iruka sensei who had appeared out of nowhere to Naruto’s excitement. They were then led further into the building. It seems they made it just in time because there was a group of people now assembled at the center of the room.
Naruto’s eyes darted anxiously among the small crowd, that familiar scent already alerting him of Gaara’s presence. He wasn’t hard to spot, the bright red hair giving him away like a match in the dark. Gaara’s eyes glanced toward him for a brief moment before facing forward again.
Naruto felt like crawling out of his skin every passing second he had to stand in that room. Gaara’s presence was suffocating him, making it impossible to pay attention to the Hokage’s words as he gave his speech.
During his time in the forest, Naruto had more than enough time to mull over everything, too much time. Many feelings conflicted but he knows for certain he can’t give up on Gaara. He can’t force down the feelings he has for the boy in spite of everything.
For the preliminary to the third part of the exam, they will be battling. Naruto tries his best to pay attention, listening for his name, but he hears Gaara first. Gaara and Rock Lee.
His breath hitches looking over at Lee and his determined expression, an unwilling flashback of what happened to those sand ninja taking over his mind. Lee only knows taijutsu. There’s no way he has a chance.
He’s forced out of his thoughts when his name is announced. It’s him against Kiba. He wished he could feel more excited for his match, but instead there’s a godawful pit of dread growing inside him.
They’re dismissed to go to the balcony to watch the first match, and he really should be watching to take note of potential future opponents, but all he can focus on is the red haired boy on the opposite side of the balconies.
As each match gets announced, Naruto’s tension increases and he nearly jumps out of his skin when someone walks up beside him. When he looks over, it’s Gaara’s older brother. He looks at him in confusion.
“You sure got my brother acting a mess,” he says.
Naruto looks back over to where Gaara was standing to find he’s no longer there, seemingly vanished. “What do you mean?” Naruto asks though he’s pretty sure he knows the answer.
“Well, something you gotta understand about Gaara is that he’s been through a lot of shit in his life. There’s a reason for the way he is.” Kankuro has a bittersweet smile on his face as he speaks. “I don’t know what you did or what you said to him, but you’ve drawn something out that neither me nor Temari have ever seen. I’d hate for him to have to lose it.”
Naruto’s eyes stay forward, attempting to process everything, and before he can even answer, Kankuro has walked away.
“Next up is Rock Lee against Gaara.”
Naruto grips the railing, his body in a cold sweat as he watches Lee and Gaara emerge to the center of the battlefield. He can’t even be concerned about who wins and gets to move on to the final round, the only concern right now is for his friend.
The match begins and it’s going as expected, Lee trying futilely to land a blow, meanwhile Gaara hasn’t moved an inch.
That is until he actually does land a blow. Naruto holds his breath amazed as he watches Lee move as fast as the eye can see, faster than Gaara’s sand breaking his defenses.
Naruto hears him yell something about the first gate, then the second, then third until he’s become a superhuman, moving at ungodly speeds leaving Gaara completely open to every attack and Naruto feels a little guilty for doubting Lee’s strength.
Lee’s body falls to the ground, completely exhausted and seemingly unconscious. As the large cloud of dust clears, Gaara’s body is revealed, nearly embedded into the concrete floor, yet his sand still lingers around his body.
Naruto watches in horror as Gaara extends his arm, sand moving towards Lee’s body, wrapping around his arm and leg. Naruto recognizes that hand sign.
“Gaara don’t!” Gaara hesitates, his eyes glancing up to Naruto’s position on the balcony. “You won, Gaara! Please don’t do it!” Naruto cries out frantically. His entire body is trembling, each second that passes feeling like an eternity, hoping Gaara can see the pleading in his eyes. Hear the desperation in his voice.
For what feels like an eternity, everything is still and silent. Gaara’s hand lowers, falling limp beside his body, sand mimicking his movement.
Naruto clutches the front of his shirt, catching his breath as they announce Gaara as the winner of the match. The battlefield is cleared and they state a brief hiatus as they fix the floor before the next match.
Naruto feels a hand on his shoulder and when he turns around he sees Sakura. “Naruto, we need to talk.” Naruto looks back to Gaara, finding he’s vanished once again. He looks back over to his teammate and nods, still coming down from the aftereffects of his borderline panic.
Naruto follows her into an empty hallway, trying his best to regulate his heart rate. He dreads whatever Sakura wants to say to him, too out of it to even form a coherent thought, let alone have a conversation.
They stop in the middle of the hall, facing each other against opposite walls.
“What’s going on with you and that red haired sand ninja,” she asks, arms crossed over her chest.
Naruto looks down at the floor. “Nothing, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He’s sure the lie is the most unconvincing one he’s ever told, but he no longer has the energy to give a better explanation.
“Oh really,” Naruto can feel Sakura’s eyes burning into him as she speaks. “I can smell it on you, ya know.” Sakura is also an alpha, like Naruto, but her being able to perceive another alpha’s scent changes so acutely isn’t something a lot of alphas can do. “He killed those guys and left us alone, like he was coming to save us. You told him to stop during Lee’s match and he immediately listened. What else am I supposed to think?” Her words are sharp, though not necessarily angry.
Naruto’s chest feels tight. There is no argument he can make that would ever be believable, the truth is already clear as day. She already knows.
And then she asks, “Where were you those five days before the exams?”
Naruto’s eyes widen slightly. Because of course Sakura would be quick to figure it out. Gaara’s scent was probably still all over him. He wished she would just mind her own business. He wished having to talk about this right now wasn’t tearing him apart.
“Gaara is…” Naruto trails off. What even is Gaara to him? His friend? Lover? A stranger?
He certainly doesn’t feel like a stranger. But at the same time, does he even know Gaara at all? There’s still so much he’s missing. So much he wants to learn. To fix.
Naruto feels a tear slipping down his cheek as he looks up to Sakura. “I care about him so much,” he croaks, pushing his voice past the lump in his throat. “I don’t know what to do.”
Sakura looks clearly stunned and confused at Naruto’s confession. For a moment, he feels a pang of fear. Fear that Sakura might view him different. After all, all she had seen from Gaara so far was violence and hatred.
But he’s so much more than that. Only Naruto seems to see it.
His back slides down the wall, falling to the floor with a thump. He hides his face in his arms as tears now fall freely.
Sakura joins him, carefully wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “I don’t get it,” she says, “Gaara is so full of hatred and wrath, what is there to care for?”
Naruto feels a flash of anger, but quickly stamps it out. Sakura doesn’t know Gaara the way he does, he can’t blame her. “Gaara is filled with fear,” Naruto starts, voice trembling slightly. “He’s been wronged so many times, Sakura. And nobody will listen to him and nobody will stop to consider maybe he is the way he is because not once has anyone cared for him. How can a person who’s only ever been shown hatred know anything but hatred” Naruto’s words hold venom.
Sakura is silent for a moment. “What even happened between you two?”
Naruto thinks back to the day he met him, curled in a ball on his bed. It feels like it had been forever ago.
“I met him when he was in heat,” Naruto starts, smiling wryly at the comment feeling rather embarrassed now. “And it was my fault. My scent, at least. He never had a heat until then, I’m not sure why.”
Sakura listens intently and Naruto finds no judgment on her face, encouraging him to continue.
“We uh- it’s why I was gone those days. But he was practically terrified, you know? To even be touched at all. He’s never been loved by anyone in his life, only feared.”
“You see yourself in him, don’t you?”
Naruto looks down at his lap. “I guess I do.” He feels a little guilty about the fact. How is it fair Naruto ended up here while Gaara was never showed the compassion that could have saved him. He looks up at Sakura, more determined now. “I want to save him the way I was saved. By Iruka Sensei, by Sasuke, Kakashi, you. I know what it feels like to be lonely.”
Sakura looks at Naruto and a small smile forms on her face. “You’ve always had such a big heart, Naruto,” she says. “You’ve always had a way with changing people’s lives for the better. Just… remember to be careful. You have a habit of putting everyone before yourself. Remember you matter too.”
“Of course I put everyone else first. Seeing the people I love be happy is what makes me happy!” Naruto smiles, his tears all dried up by now. “We should head back out, they should be done fixing everything up soon.”
Naruto stands offering Sakura a hand. “Oh and, maybe don’t mention any of this to Sasuke quite yet. I don’t need to give him another reason to call me a loser.”
Sakura giggles. “Secret’s safe with me.”
*
Gaara listens to the birds sing as he sits outside behind the building. It’s a stark contrast from where he lives. So many trees and grass and small wildlife. Back home it’s far more common to see a snake than a rabbit or bird.
His body aches in a way he’s never felt before, dull but throbbing. He tries not to think about it, focusing on the chirps and whistles.
He thinks about Rock Lee. About the desperation in Naruto’s voice when he yelled at him to stop.
He wonders if Naruto loves Rock Lee too, enough to defend him with his life. How far would Naruto go to protect Gaara?
After so long, his siblings find him to let him know all the matches are over with and it’s time to leave.
“Naruto won his match by the way,” Kankurou says.
Gaara doesn’t acknowledge him, but secretly, deep inside, he is relieved.
*
“We get a whole month until the final round?! That’s way too long!” Naruto exclaims as him and his squad walk back to the village.
Naruto isn’t actually upset about the timeframe. It gives him plenty of time to work out whatever this situation is between him and Gaara.
After his match, Naruto had ran to go find him, wanting as soon as possible to make things right between them, high on the adrenaline of winning. To his dismay, Gaara as well as his siblings weren’t anywhere to be found.
He knew they had a sort of silent agreement to not talk around other people, but in that moment, the anticipation and emotions were so high, it hadn’t even mattered to him what people might think. In fact, he’s starting to care less and less about it, only concern being what it could mean for Gaara’s reputation, especially if it got out that he was an omega.
The thought of that makes Naruto shudder slightly. From what Naruto has picked up, though he was never directly told, Gaara carries far too much shame and humiliation for his secondary gender. Naruto wishes things weren’t the way they were, that Gaara could find acceptance for himself, but learning that is a long road. Naruto knows this personally.
“Hey Naruto!” Naruto snaps out of his thoughts, turning around to find the voice.
“Oh, hey Iruka Sensei!” Naruto grins brightly, stopping so Iruka can catch up.
“Great job on your match,” he says, giving him a pat on the shoulder. “How about we go for some ramen, I think you deserve it.”
Naruto’s grin grows even wider. “Heck yeah!” He looks over to Sasuke and Sakura. “I’ll see you guys later, okay?! Bye!” The two don’t even have time to respond before Naruto is running down the street, dragging his sensei along behind him.
Naruto is already one bowl in before they even have the chance to start conversation.
“Man, this is awesome! I was starving to death in that forest, you know. I’m sick of eating plants and fish!”
Iruka chuckles a little, “Well then you should have gone better prepared. I’m surprised Sakura didn’t bring anything for the group, she seems to be the most prepared out of the three of you.”
Naruto just gives him a sore look and orders another bowl of ramen, this time taking his time eating it as he falls back into his thoughts again.
“What’s wrong, you’re not devouring your food like an animal.”
Naruto fiddles with his chopsticks, staring into his bowl as he begins to speak, more timid than usual. “Iruka Sensei… you’re an omega right?” He cringes as the words leave his mouth, something about the question being directed at his former teacher feeling wrong.
Iruka looks caught off guard, his mouth hanging open for a moment before answering, “Yes, why?”
Naruto’s stare could make the ramen broth boil from its intensity. “Well uh- I met someone. But it’s really complicated. And I know we were taught all this stuff in school and everything, but this is a lot different than what you taught us.”
Iruka’s expression has become more lax now, leaning his chin on his palm to show he’s listening.
“He’s never been treated right his entire life. And I don’t even think he was taught anything about his secondary gender. He thinks it’s wrong, I think. And I’m not entirely sure how to show him it’s not.” There is so much more to it than Naruto is saying, beyond just Gaara being an omega, but he’s not sure how he could even begin to explain it to Iruka.
Iruka is silent for a moment, as if pondering. “I remember when I first presented I was devastated, you know. It can be especially hard for boys because of how many expectations society puts on us, but the people around me didn’t make me feel like I was any less of a man because of it, and I learned it’s not necessarily something that defines me as a person. I think the best thing you can do is be that person to show him that.”
Naruto already knew the answer before it was spoken to him. It’s not an easy answer because he knows it’s not going to be that simple.
It feels like there’s a rock sitting in his gut. How is Naruto alone supposed to undo a lifetime of trauma?
“It’s a lot easier to say that than do it. I want to be that person, and I’m trying to. But he’s been taught to live this way and to think this way about himself for his entire life, and I don’t know how to just get rid of all that.”
Iruka smiles warmly. “No matter what, nobody can just erase a piece of themselves. Think about yourself, Naruto, and the village and how you were raised. I’m sure you remember how it felt, and parts of it will never go away. But sometimes all it takes is one person to change someone’s life. You of all people should know that.”
Naruto looks up from his bowl finally making eye contact with his sensei. Iruka was the first person to ever show him care or kindness. The very first to treat him like a human being and not just an inconvenient waste of space. Without him, Naruto wouldn’t be half the person he is now. All because Iruka had faith in him.
Naruto nods, “I better get going,” Naruto says with a hint of urgency, “I’ve got something important to do.” He hops out of his stool and runs out into the street before Iruka can even say goodbye. Naruto can always thank him later.
*
Gaara gazes off into the horizon as the sun sets below the trees in the distance. He needed desperately to be alone somewhere, having been surrounded by his siblings for far too long. Alone on the rooftop, he feels like he can finally breathe.
For a brief moment he lets his eyes fall shut, feeling the breeze on his skin, going through his hair, but there’s something else. A sound, like faint footsteps.
All serenity leaves his body upon opening his eyes. Running towards him is the boy his body ached for, and it fills him with dread.
His body stays completely frozen, battling between his fight or flight as the boy gets closer and closer, too many emotions clashing and fighting against each other as he tries to figure out what the hell he wants. It doesn’t matter though, as Naruto is already jumping on the roof and running towards him with an urgency that makes Gaara feel even more uneasy.
“Gaara!” Naruto pants as if he’s run a long ways to get here. He extends his arm out offering a hand to Gaara, which he takes as if on autopilot. He might as well be dead weight as Naruto pulls him to his feet.
“I’m not angry with you.”
Gaara could have fallen to his knees in front of him as those words left his mouth, but his body remains rigid and still.
It’s so wrong, everything about this is wrong because Naruto should be mad. He should be disgusted now knowing the kind of person Gaara is. He doesn’t deserve forgiveness.
He realizes Naruto’s hand is clutching his own still, clinging onto him as if he is going to try and leave. He doesn’t think he’d have it in him if he wanted to.
“I’m sorry,” Gaara says, but the words come out in a whisper. He’s hasn’t been sorry for anything since he was a small child. He feels like a small child. All he wants is forgiveness and to be cared for. He craves a gentleness he never knew he needed.
“I forgive you.” Naruto’s words are soft as he takes Gaara’s empty hand that he realizes is shaking violently, pulling them both to his chest to secure them. “I wanna teach you how to be loved, Gaara. I wanna teach you to love. Not just me, but yourself too.”
All Gaara can do is stare at those blue eyes, glistening in the light of the setting sun. His skin glows golden and Gaara thinks Naruto is the only thing in his life he has ever found beautiful.
“I want to do things with you, take you places. Not just sex. I wanna show you that you matter more to me than just sex, because you’re so much more than that.” Naruto’s voice is still exasperated, Gaara can sense his adrenaline and he’s pretty sure Naruto is just as nervous as him.
The trembling in Gaara’s hands has lessened as Naruto releases one hand to put his fingers through Gaara’s hair. Gaara lets out a small sigh, releasing some tension in his body.
“But I thought we couldn’t be seen together.” Gaara’s voice is scratchy as he speaks.
“I don’t care about what people think. If people have a problem I’ll fight them!” His usual grin returns to his face, allowing Gaara to ease a little bit more, that sunshine smile somehow always managing to relax his nerves as if it were some kind of spell. “Besides, we don’t have to tell anyone we’re… you know.”
Gaara looks at him, waiting for him to finish, but he doesn’t. “We’re what?” Gaara manages to force the words out. Because it’s something so superficial, yet he is dying to know Naruto’s answer.
Naruto smiles wryly. “Well, what do you want to be? Uh- boyfriends sounds a little silly, I guess, considering everything.” Naruto averts his eyes, his cheeks turning slightly pink.
Gaara thinks about it for a moment. He’s right, boyfriend does sound silly. There’s something so normal about it, and whatever this is with Naruto is so much more than normal. But maybe something normal is what he needs amidst all the chaos of everything.
“That’s fine,” Gaara says. After all it’s just a label, it doesn’t change anything.
“Really?!” Naruto’s face lights up and Gaara realizes that’s exactly the answer he was hoping for. He can’t help but give a small smile back. “So you’re my boyfriend! And I’m your boyfriend! This is awesome!” Naruto pulls Gaara into a hug and Gaara clings to the back of his jacket embracing every second of their closeness.
He allows himself to feel happiness in that moment. Just for those few seconds he allows himself to let go of all the doubt and worry and dread, and it’s like his soul is being slowly purified.
“Do you want to come back to my apartment?” Naruto asks once they separate. “Not for that… I just want to hang out with you.”
Hang out sounds comically casual. Not a single thing about them has been casual since they met.
Gaara nods and lets Naruto lead the way, hand in hand.
“I wanted to thank you. For saving my life in the forest.”
Gaara feels guilt return to him upon thinking about what had happened. “You shouldn’t thank me for that.”
Naruto shakes his head. “I don’t care about what happened. I mean, it scared me, I won’t lie to you. But they were going to kill us. Not only did you save my life but my friends too. I owe you for that.”
“I’m not a good person, Naruto.”
“You’re wrong.” Naruto stops walking, facing Gaara. “I’ve seen good in you. I see myself in you. But you never had people there to show you what it is to be cared about and it’s not fair.” Naruto’s voice gets choked the longer he speaks. “I wanna be the person who shows you. You’re not a monster, Gaara, you’ve just been hurt and neglected your whole life and I know it because I used to be you.”
Gaara frowns. Part of him almost wants to feel angry at him for assuming he could know a fraction of what Gaara’s life has been. But he can’t, because Naruto is the most genuine person he’s ever met and somehow he knows he’s telling him the truth. Naruto doesn’t bluff.
“I’m a jinchuriki like you remember. My whole entire village hated me and I never even knew why. But I found someone who had faith in me and really cared and that person saved me. I wanna be that person to you.”
All Gaara is able to do is stare, unable to come up with anything to say, so he just nods, but there’s a pang in his chest at the idea of Naruto experiencing a similar pain to him.
Pain. He never admitted to himself that what he went through was considered pain. But really, everything that made him who he is was built on pain, and he’s not sure how he feels about acknowledging that fact just yet.
“Naruto,” Gaara starts, keeping his voice even. He motions for them to continue walking, that way he’s no longer forced to be face to face to Naruto. “What’s going to happen when the exams end and I have to return to my village?” He isn’t sure he wants to know the answer just yet. It’s definitely not something he wants to consider, but he can’t ignore the way it’s been gnawing at the back of his mind the longer this relationship formed.
Naruto grabs onto Gaara’s hand and squeezes lightly. “I’m not sure yet, to be honest. All I know is we’re going to find a way. I promised to be there for you and I never go back on my word. That’s my nindo.”
He wished it did more to ease his worries, but there still remained a doubt in his mind that somehow there was no good ending to this. But he sweeps the idea under the rug as they approach Naruto’s flat. If this is the only time he gets with Naruto, he’s going to make the most out of it.