No Paper Flowers

by Nyxwish

Summary:

Ragatha has a hard time adjusting to the new reality of the circus. Things have changed suddenly, leaving her feeling lonely. She goes back to an old habit to cope. Is she really all alone in the circus?

Ragatha angst! This is hurt/comfort but it's a rollercoaster of getting worse and getting better.

Notes:

This is my first time in like 10 years publishing a story so I hope you enjoy! There are a lot of things I want to explore in this fanfic and I have at least 5 chapters planned, this ragdoll lives rent free in my brain.

Chapter 1: Drown Yourself.

Some things had changed in the circus.

For one, Gangle and Zooble had gotten much closer than before. Which was good, because Gangle was happier, even without her happy mask. And Zooble seemed happier too, more involved, less… grouchy, one could say.

And then there are the other two new buddy-buddies. Pomni and Jax. Of all people… Which was… worrying? Also good? Unfortunate? Different. A different new development. Hard to understand, for Ragatha at least. After all, Jax enjoyed tormenting people, hurting them. Physically and emotionally. Did she not see that? Or does she just not care?

Ragatha shook those thoughts away. Things were better now, in a way. There was a new weird balance. Jax admittedly seems to have calmed down a bit since he hangs out with Pomni, at least with the rest of the players. The NPCs were not so safe from him, which apparently made Pomni laugh for some reason. But if Jax ever dared mess with Gangle, not only did Pomni disapproved but Zooble was there to defend her. She even started to fight back a bit more. Ragatha would scold him too, of course! Not that they needed her to.  But it was not so nice to know they had the situation handled. Without her.

 

Ahem. Anyways.

 

Some things never changed in the circus.

Like Kinger! Good old unreliable Kinger. Always there. And never really there. Ever so sweet, he was by her side whenever Zooble and Gangle got too caught up on their one on one conversations. Or he would stay with her when the two would go their own way, instead of retreating to his fort. At least until he forgets about it, says goodbye happily and goes away too. But that’s just how Kinger is, how he always has been. No biggy there.

Obviously, it’s not like Gangle and Zooble are leaving them behind on purpose either! It’s just sometimes they talk about things Ragatha doesn’t fully understand, or they speak too softly or too close to each other for her to hear well. But Gangle has always been shy and soft spoken, it made perfect sense.

And of course, almost whenever they went off to do their own thing they politely asked if she wanted to join, but it was usually about art stuff, and she had never been very good at drawing, much less compared to them. Besides, sometimes one could just tell they’d rather be alone together. Not to assume anything, they just seemed like each other’s person now. As if when they’re together they don’t need anything else. No wonder they don’t realize when Ragatha is not following them, or when she is waiting for them. It was only natural.

Pomni and Jax on the other hand… they did leave them behind completely on purpose. Unapologetically. They either didn’t go with the rest of them at all or, if they did, Jax would eventually say “I’m bored!” and propose a new plan to Pomni. And she would just go with him. She’d just rather go with him than be with them. Everytime. It was disappointing.

…

IT WAS DISAPPOINTING!

Of course it was disappointing! She preferred being with rude, inconsiderate, violent Jax than with them?! What did that say about her? What did that say about her?! At least Zooble and Gangle she could understand. Zooble was cool, maybe a bit grouchy but considerate, assertive and protective. Gangle was kind; she was a sweet girl, artistic, sensitive if a bit too delicate. It made sense they preferred each other’s company than hers. But Jax?!

Try as she might, she couldn’t think of an honest positive thing to say about him. And definitely not one that could outweigh his cruelty. He wasn’t even funny! His idea of “fun” was to treat others badly. But Pomni seemed to like that. Could that really be? No, it couldn’t be. Pomni has called him out before… Though, had it only been when he had been a jerk to Pomni herself? Pomni could be selfish sometimes… Don’t. She did leave Ragatha for the exit when she was in pain.

 

I don’t want to think about that.

 

Ragatha inhaled deeply. Or pretended she did. There was no air in the circus, not really. So it made no difference whether she would breathe or not, or if it was air or water what was filling her. Right now, it was the latter, water all throughout her whole form, her fabric skin, her cotton stuffing. She had no lungs filled with water, no heart racing or stopping. Not right now.

Right now she was just a ragdolly lying down in the bottom of the digital lake. Her yarn hair sticked up as it did for the lack of breathing, the flow of the water moving it gently. She felt the weight of the lake in her entire body. That’s what she wanted to feel, a giant weight holding her down, but not hurting her. Just keeping her in place, making her feel grounded, as if the lake was a giant blanket.

She exhaled, letting some water out of her body through tiny bubbles, not only from her mouth, but from her whole skin, as she tensed and relaxed her arms. She took a few more deep breaths, her eye closed. Even if she opened it right now, the lake would be completely dark in the night. She could only feel the water passing through her. It was peaceful.

This was an old habit, back from her first months here. She hadn’t done it in so long… she hadn’t needed too. But now, admittedly, she felt lonely. Useless. Lost. How long could she keep living like this?

She opened her eye to pure darkness.

No, don’t think like that.

Why can’t I make real friends?

She took her hands to her eyes as they stung.

No.

Deep breath. She relaxed as she exhaled.

What’s so wrong with me?

This is not taking her anywhere. Deep breaths.

They don’t need me. This is not why I’m here, I’m here to relax. Stop it. I’m not out there right now. I’m not there. I’m here.

She felt the water, the cold, the dark.

Water in, water out. Bubbles in, bubbles out.

She liked it here. She could handle this. She has survived this far. For what?

Water in, water out. How else could she feel this water if she wasn’t here anymore? It was nice, down here, where her worst thoughts made no sense. Not right now.

If she didn’t matter, she might as well be here. Feeling good. At least until Caine came to force her to an adventure.

She hadn’t needed this in so long. It was sad that she needed this. Maybe that’s why she was silently crying.

She stayed like that for a long time. She would have stayed all night, but something perturbed the water so much she felt it. It woke her up. She looked around, gathering her surroundings, everything should have been dark still but instead there were some lights in the distance.

Closer to the center of the lake, a bioluminescent snake monster was trashing around. More than surprising her, it confused her. Why was he so rattled right now? Wait, is he attacking something?

She caught a glimpse of red and blue stripes barely visible thanks to the monster’s light. There was an aquatic filter in her voice as she yelped:

“Pomni!”

Chapter 2: A long time coming

Summary:

Pomni reconsiders what brought her to be attacked by a giant sea snake monster in the middle of the night. She also reconsiders what she knows about a certain doll.

Notes:

Here it is! It took me longer than I would have liked because I tried and failed to finish it before a week-long business trip. Also I struggled a bit to write the beginning but I liked how it turned out. I hope you like it to! Thanks for all the love you gave to the first chapter!

If you had told Pomni she was going to be used like a chew toy by an abyssal-fish-headed snake monster she might have made some different choices tonight.

 

It all started back in the tent. She and Jax had decided against joining the group’s chat after today’s adventure again, just chilling resting on the balcony in front of the dorms’ hall.

It seemed like Jax felt more comfortable like that. He would let himself be a little more vulnerable and relaxed instead of always waiting for a chance to press someone’s buttons, or make an inappropriate punch line out of whatever was happening or being said.

When they were on their own they could just talk. It was nice, and she felt that even if he’d never admit it, Jax actually needed that. And so did Pomni, if she was honest.

 Ever since she lost Gummigoo… actually, scratch that, that’s the whole reason she befriended Gummigoo. She needed a friend. She hadn’t expected that friend to be Jax of all people, but the bunny had surprised her for good so far, and they had gotten closer in a pretty natural way since the lightning round adventures.

So there they were, chatting on the balcony after the adventure. Eventually Gangle and Zooble walked past them on the way to their rooms. Jax and Zooble exchanged snarky remarks, thankfully nothing too confrontational. Pomni waved them good night, Gangle waved back with a weak smile and Zooble nodded their head in acknowledgment.

“Don’t let Jax go too far”. It had become a pretty common Zooble advice.

“I won’t” came Pomni’s usual response.

In the back of her mind she registered that Ragatha and Kinger hadn’t followed the other two up, but that seemed pretty normal lately so it didn’t distract her much from listening to Jax’s story as he kept going when their crewmates were too far away to hear. Not that he was telling anything too personal or important, but oh well.

Quite some time passed before she caught a glimpse of Ragatha’s red yarn hair as the doll made her way to the exit of the tent, all by herself. That was a bit odd, since by now it was pretty “late” in the usual routine of the circus. Usually, around this time, they would go to bed or at least retreat back to their rooms.

Besides, it wasn’t really like Ragatha to be alone. She generally seemed to look for company.

Not that Pomni knew Ragatha all that well. Actually, she struggled a bit to understand her, and when she thought she did, something changed her perspective again. Was she patronizing? Overprotective? Caring? Jax had suggested manipulative, but if she was, what was she really winning out of it? Pomni couldn’t decide if Ragatha was even doing okay or not. She acted like she was, but there she went, all alone. Maybe she should go check-

“-and then I throw the bucket at her. What do you think?” Jax’s question brought her back to reality.

“Wait, what?” she mumbled confused.

“I knew you weren’t listening! What gives?” he said while dramatically crossing his arms with a frown.

“Uh, sorry. It’s just that…” she looked over where Ragatha had gone. “Did you see Ragatha leave just now? She seemed to be heading out of the tent.”

“Dollface? So what? You think we should prank her or something?” his usual smirk came back at the idea.

“What? No, Jax, come on.” She shook her head. “It’s just… I don’t know, are we even allowed to leave the tent at this hour?”

He chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“What hour? This place doesn’t exactly work on regular time. I don’t think Caine cares too much about what we do outside of the ‘whenever he wants us to go on adventures’ schedule.”

“… Does she usually do that though? Just go out by herself?” Pomni hesitantly asked. Jax seemed to ponder it before answering.

“Well, I think I’ve seen her do it a few times. Has been a while, though.” He shrugged looking away and dropping his smile for a second, before getting it right back, mocking as ever. “Why do you care? Did Ragatha finally got you to have a soft spot for her?”

“I- ugh, I don’t know.” She shrugged, shoving him away since he had leaned on her side. “I don’t know her well enough to tell if that’s something… worrying or not.”

Pomni was no expert on the circus or its members. But from her short time here, she could tell Ragatha had changed a bit lately. Less enthusiastic, a bit more distant. Especially with Pomni, compared to how she was before. She was still nice to her, but she wouldn’t go out of her way to check up on her or even for small talk. Particularly not when Jax was close, which of course, Pomni could understand. Knowing how Jax can be, she understood the other’s being skeptical about her being friendly with him.

“Worrying?” Jax took her out of her thoughts again. He rolled his eyes. “Come on! It’s Ragatha. Miss Perfectly Fine. Look, she’s been here a long time. She knows how to deal with her stuff, don’t let her weird acts get to you. Even if there was something to worry about her she wouldn’t tell you anyways, probably.”

That only left Pomni feeling more unsure. But she let Jax change the subject and tried to pay attention to him without stressing too much about whether Ragatha was heading back or not.

She didn’t seem to have done a great job, because Jax grunted and placed a hand on his hips exasperated.

“Seriously, Pomni, stop worrying so much. What gives? She’s fine.” He turned around and headed to the hall with his chin up, dramatically insulted but with an uncaring tone in his voice. “If you won’t listen to me, I got better things to do.”

“Come on, Jax. That’s not…”

“Whatever! Just go get Dollface back.” He said without turning back. His sudden care surprised Pomni, but again, it had been for good.

 

And so, the jester had made her way outside the tent and looked around for any signs of the doll.

“Ragatha?” she called out to her. “Uh, hey, Ragatha? Are you out here?” she raised her voice a bit more. She was having not-so-great flashbacks of looking for Caine on her first day. “Ra-“

“Hello.”

“AAAHH!” it had not been Ragatha’s voice that had startled Pomni. It was a sweet voice but Pomni didn’t recognize it right away. She looked around, confused, until she looked up and saw the moon smiling patiently at her. ‘Oh right, the moon talks here’ “Um, hello.” She waved. “Have you seen, uh, one of us over here? Besides me, I mean.”

“Your ragdoll friend went to the lake for a night swim.” She said softly. “She’s been coming out more frequently than usual, but she hadn’t gone in the digital lake in a long time.”

“Oh…” Pomni blinked ‘She’s swimming? What?’ she shook her head “Thanks. Uh, I guess I’ll go check on her.”

Well, she had come this far already, she might as well. And she had never really gone to the digital lake before, so that’s a bonus. She also had a weird feeling about Ragatha doing all this.

 

She followed the path to the lake, the grounds pretty dark with only the moon lighting them up. The stars were still nice to look at, maybe a little less detailed than in the Stargazing adventure.

The lake was surprisingly large. The black water shifted slightingly making some satisfactory ambient sounds. The path divided in two. To the right there was a tower with a ridiculously big waterslide that crossed half the lake. To the left there seemed to be a boat house and a dock. Further away in the water there was some kind of boat anchored, but there was no sign of Ragatha.

Pomni stood there for a bit, waiting to see any movement. Moments passed and she decided to sit and wait. It was hard to tell how much time was actually passing, so it was also hard to tell when she should start feeling impatient or worried. But in the back of her mind she still had that bad feeling.

In this world the worst thing you can do is make someone think they’re not wanted or loved.

Pomni got in the water.

‘What am I even doing?’ She thought as she was swimming towards the other side of the lake.

It’s Ragatha. Jax is right, she is probably alright on her own. She’s an adult, she doesn’t need me babysitting her.

Still, the idea of Ragatha isolating herself…

“I’m sure she doesn’t miss me,” Ragatha had said. About her own mother, no less.

“Ragatha?” Pomni called out looking around the surface, still swimming forward.

“I certainly don’t miss the yelling… and the berating… and guilt-tripping…”

Pomni stopped, her heart rising from the physical activity and the increasing anxiety. She looked up at the moon.

“Do you see her?” she asked between heavy breaths. The moon somehow managed to shake her head ‘no’ in a weird animation.

“I don’t think she has come back to the surface yet.” She said without her usual calm smile. “A long time ago she would stay under water the whole night.”

“What?” ‘Damn it, what is she doing?’ She instinctively took a breath before diving down.

 

Was this normal for Ragatha? A long time ago? Pomni could feel the anxiety bubbling in her chest.

Ragatha has been here a long time. She probably has her own way of coping with things...

“Do you have anybody to talk to? Like in regards to… your issues.” She had said that to Gangle, back in Spudsy’s. Damn it. Did Ragatha have someone like that? Did she go through everything on her own?

The lake was completely dark under the surface, she couldn’t see anything. Where are you Ragatha?

She didn’t like this place. It reminded her of what little she had been able to see of the cellar. It reminded her of her nightmares about it. What was Ragatha doing here?

“I guess I just don’t want you to feel like you are nothing. I don’t want anyone to feel like that.” Why was Ragatha here, all alone in this dark, cold place?

Pomni felt pressure in her eyes, maybe from having them open underwater, though it hadn’t felt like that in the underwater adventure. She felt like she was drowning, despite the fact she thought she had started to get used to not needing air. She wanted to sob, and when she did, she hated the way she could feel the water fill her imaginary lungs.

Ragatha didn’t belong here. She didn’t deserve it. No one did. Where was she?

“RAGATHA!” she yelled, her voice distorted by an underwater filter, and in an instant she wasn’t surrounded by darkness anymore. Suddenly bright neon-like spots of cyan blue, green and hot pink appeared all around her. Ragatha? Was she…?

And then the head of the beast bit her and shook her around like a dog would do with a new toy.

The pain felt very real as cartoony as the moment was, but in her torment, she felt relieved to realize this thing wasn’t an abstracted player. It was just a stupid sea monster snake that had bioluminescent spots and was happily zooming around the lake, stopping to shake her in place every once in a while.

“Let me go! You stupid Caine-pet!” she started to uselessly smash her fists against the head of the monster. This only resulted in it chewing her angrily and shaking her again.

“Pomni!” Ragatha’s stressed voice, as distorted as it was, made her feel instant relief. The doll placed her foot next to her, between the beast’s fangs, and then grabbed his upper teeth, using all her strength and stretching her body to full length to open the monster’s mouth. “Go, go!”

Pomni hurried to swim away from the jaws, finally safe, but the head then turned quickly and Ragatha was snapped instead.

“Ragatha!” Pomni didn’t know what to do, she doubted she could pull the same stunt the other woman did. And even if she could, Ragatha hadn’t been able to get away in time, so how could she?

Thankfully though, it wasn’t necessary to even try. Ragatha had scratched its head in the right spot for a bit, and said “No, no biting, be a good boy.” Then she gave the thing a kiss on the side of its face and the monster just let her go, and started swimming full speed away through the darkness.

Before the light of the monster had completely gone away, the two women stared at each other for a second. Guilt struck Pomni as she noticed the doll had an opening on her side where cotton was coming out. But it didn’t seem to faze Ragatha, as she just pointed up and started to swim to the surface.

 

Once out of the water, Pomni gasped for air out of habit while Ragatha just sighed deeply.

“Are you okay, Pomni?” it had been a while since Pomni had heard her ask that, in that concerned tone of hers. She was breathing heavily after the whole ordeal and all the worry she had felt for herself and the doll shifted to frustration.

“Are YOU okay?!” it must have come out harsher than she intended, because Ragatha winced and made herself small. Shit. She hadn’t meant to yell.

An awkward silence settled after that. This was not going to be an easy conversation, huh?

Notes:

Thanks for reading! I’m really excited for the next chapters, they shouldn’t take as long to come out.
Do let me know if I can improve something or if it needs any corrections!

Chapter 3: Get her back

Summary:

Ragatha and Pomni have a serious talk. What's the worst that can happen?

Notes:

Here we go! 3.5k words, for you all. Enjoy the fluff and forgive me for the ending.

“I’m sorry.” Pomni said, calming her breath. “I didn’t mean to yell.”

“It’s… okay. I didn’t mean to… uh…”  What had Ragatha done to upset Pomni? She wished she knew. Pomni shook her head, stopping her.

“Are you okay, though? You got hurt…” Pomni mumbled something else under her breath, but Ragatha didn’t catch it.

“Oh. Yeah, I’m okay.” The doll let out a nervous laugh. She checked her side, trying to stuff the cotton back inside the opening that the lake monster’s fang made. “Nothing I can’t handle. Jerry can play a little rough when he’s excited, but he’s a sweetheart! You’ll see.” She said with another dry chuckle to assure Pomni she didn’t have to worry.

 “…Jerry?” Pomni didn’t look reassured. She was staring with an estranged expression.

“Yeah, you know. The snake?” She offered an awkward smile and a shrug. “I think it’s short for Jeremiah.”

The two just floated there for a moment, only their heads above the water. Pomni seemed to be considering her response.

“Why would you come to swim here if there’s a giant snake monster?” She always seemed so weirded out by her. It was embarrassing.

“Uh, it’s not so bad! The lake is a nice change of scenery and Jerry is usually very calm.” Ragatha pushed on, trying to keep her smile in place. “I’ve come here a thousand times. Trust me, he barely… notices I’m here anymore.” Her smile and mood finally dropped against her will after saying that, but she was quick to shake herself out of it. “What are you doing here, Pomni?”

Once again, Pomni stared a bit before answering. Her look was gentler this time, almost soft. But it still unsettled Ragatha to feel like she was being scrutinized.

“I saw you leaving, earlier.” She finally says.

“You did?”

“And… I guess I was worried about you.”

“… You were?” Now Ragatha stared, taken aback, as Pomni just nodded in response. After a beat, Ragatha stuttered and shifted in place. “I- you-. Why? I’m not, uh,” she tries and fails, then tries again. “Why would you be worried about me? I’m… I’m okay, Pomni, really.”

Pomni frowned a bit at her response. Of course she would, Ragatha probably did something wrong again. Why did she have to get so weird about a simple statement? Fumbling her words like that. Her mother would roll her eyes and call her out, demanding she decide what she was going to say before opening her mouth. She was so-

“I just wanted to make sure you’re doing alright.” Pomni’s hesitant voice brought her back to reality. Now there was a shy smile on the jester’s face. “You know, we care about you.”

That left Ragatha speechless again. She didn’t even try to rush herself to process what she just heard. She felt a weight lift from her shoulders, and as if she had just now resurfaced from underwater, finally breathing fresh air. It was a moment of calm in the storm of her mind.

She didn’t know what to say, so she didn’t. She didn’t want to do anything wrong and make Pomni take her words back. Though, not doing anything also didn’t seem to be the right choice, because Pomni eventually dropped her smile and looked around, probably weirded out again.

“Uh, maybe we should get out of here. I think I’ve had enough ‘Jerry’ for today.” Pomni said with a nervous smile.

“Oh! Yes! Good idea, Pomni.” Ragatha got herself back together and started to swim, keeping one hand on her injury to stop any stuffing coming out. Pomni followed, but nothing else was said on the rest of their way.

 

Instead of swimming all the way back to the shore closest to the path to the circus, they made it to the dock; which was a little closer to where they were. If what Pomni wanted was to get out of the water fast, this was the best way to do it.

Ragatha helped Pomni up, and then accepted the jester’s offer to do the same. Both stayed sitting on the edge of the dock and let out a sigh. When there was a peaceful moment like this in the circus, it had to be appreciated.

“So,” Pomni eventually spoke up. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Talk about what, exactly?” She didn’t mean to be rude, or even evasive this time she just didn’t know what Pomni expected her to say.

“Well, I don’t know.” Pomni shrugged and turned her body to face her. “Why the lake? Do you come here often, then?”

Ragatha didn’t face Pomni. She moved the hand that was holding her side to hold her other arm instead, as she pondered the question.

“I used to. Forever ago.” She let out a dry chuckle to compensate for how weak her voice was coming out. “I guess that back when I first came to terms with the fact that we don’t need to breathe anymore... I once decided to just, um, get in the lake?” It wasn’t her favorite memory. “And... explore it?” It would not be easy to explain to Pomni the real thought process behind this habit of hers. “And explore… how it made me feel? And believe it or not, it actually made me feel better.”

“…How come?” she sounded patient.Ragatha wondered if she had that soft look again, but didn’t dare to check. Instead she clasped her hands together anxiously, trying to find the words.

“I guess it’s… relaxing? I would just lay down on the bottom, undisturbed, and feel the water.” She hesitated whether or not to say the rest out loud. “On a good day, it helped me forget I was in the circus.” She brought her legs to her chest and hugged them. She felt entirely vulnerable.  “And sometimes I really needed that.” She pushed on, resting her head on her legs too.

An eternity seemed to pass before Pomni replied.

“So, why did you need it now?” Pomni hit the bull’s eye, leaving her feeling like a deer in headlights.

“I-I, uh…” She straightened up. How did she let herself get to this point? So… out in the open. “I didn’t say-“ but she had implied it, didn’t she? It was a logical connection to make. A correct one, actually. But Pomni didn’t need to know that! She didn’t want to bother her with… though, the other had just said she cared.

Still! What was she supposed to say? ‘Well, Pomni, I’ve been feeling a bit left out by everyone in the circus. And I’m extremely disappointed by the fact that you made friends with Jax instead of me when he is a sadistic asshole, which has also made me wonder if you are a good person or not. What do you think?’ No! She couldn’t just say that.

“I didn’t mean- I’m not- AGH!” Ragatha hid her face in her hands in frustration and let herself fall back, laying down on the dock. Why was this so hard? “I’m sorry, this is not… I’m not making any sense, am I?”

“It’s okay.” Pomni reassured. “Look, I didn’t mean to assume. It’s just that... you’ve been acting different lately. I know I haven’t been here a long time, and I don’t know you that well, but I feel like you’ve been a bit more… distant?”

Ragatha moved her hands away from her face and finally looked at Pomni. The jester was scratching the back of her neck, body turned a bit to face her.

“Distant?” she repeated. Has she? She has avoided Pomni a bit. Especially compared to all the effort she made before to try to befriend her.

“Yeah,” Pomni tapped her fingers on her knees nervously. “Like, um… you usually…” She seemed to be struggling to find the right words. “You usually try to be more… present? Does that make sense? Like, you go out of your way to make sure you are there for everyone, maybe?”

Ragatha frowned. She couldn’t process what, but something was rubbing her the wrong way. Her frustration grew inside her.

“And, and now you are like trying to be alone?” Pomni kept going at Ragatha’s silence. The doll clenched her fists at how wrong that statement was. She crossed her arms and looked away.

“I’m not trying to be alone.” She couldn’t help but hiss under her breath. She wasn’t sure if the other had heard her or not.

“What’d you say?” She hadn’t. She didn’t repeat it. She just felt her scowl grow along her ache. She didn’t mean to be rude or petty. A voice inside her was urging her to apologize for her attitude and be nice to Pomni. But how could she say this?

“I’m not trying to be alone!” She hadn’t meant to say that, much less in such a tone. Instead of regaining her composure, she sat up in a quick movement and kept spilling it all out. “You think I want to be alone?! I don’t!”

“Then… Why did you come here by yourself?” Pomni had flinched a bit at her outburst but she didn’t back down, she soldiered on in this confrontation Ragatha had not intended to make. “Why did you hide yourself in the bottom of the lake?”

“What? That’s not- I was not- I was alone anyway! If I’m gonna be alone I rather…” She pressed her lips, what was she even saying? “I rather be alone because I’m alone, than being alone when I’m not!”

She was breathing heavily now, it stood out in the silence that formed between them after that.

“Ragatha…”

She regretted everything. ‘Great! Now Pomni must think...’ She sobbed and it made her feel worse She felt awful. Vulnerable. Ridiculous. Embarrassed. Regretful.

She gripped the skirt of her dress as if her life depended on it and refused to look away from her hands. She was desperately trying not to cry, a voice in her head convinced her it would only make everything worse.

Another sob betrayed her, and she saw Pomni’s red gloved hand enter her field of vision, placing itself on top of her trembling hand. The most shameful mix of a sob and a gasp escaped from her, and she finally looked up to her companion again. There she was, soft, compassionate eyes and a  concerned frown on her face.

She tried to calm herself. Pomni didn’t deserve to have to put up with this side of her.

“Ragatha, you are not alone, okay?” Pomni sounded so sincere, so careful. “You don’t deserve to feel like you are.”

She couldn’t prevent a new sob, but she was able to stop herself from saying ‘But I am.’

“I’m really sorry.” Pomni kept going, giving her hand a little squeeze. “I really mean it when I say we all care about you. You need to know that, okay? I really need you to be aware of that.”

And then it was a lost cause, she started crying. She turned her hand to grip Pomni’s, desperate for comfort. She hunched over herself and let it all out, not like she could stop it. At some point, Pomni placed her other hand over Ragatha’s shoulder.

“There, there.” The poor jester soothed her, rubbing her shoulder a bit. “I’m here Ragatha.” It didn’t help to stop her from crying. But it helped. “I’m here.” It really helped.

“I’m sorry…” Ragatha was finally able to say, eventually. “It’s just-“ She took a deep breath, then let Pomni’s hand go and straightened up a little, rubbing her eye. “I guess that,” another sob “I’m sorry, I know I’m being ridiculous.” She covered her face with her hands again.

“Hey, it’s okay. Trust me, I cry all the time.” Pomni chuckled a bit. “This place is hard. For all of us, I think.” Ragatha took another deep breath.

“I should-” sob “I always try to make it less hard, you know? For everyone.” She clasped her hands together again. “I really want it to be less hard for everyone. For all of us.” She was finally calming down a little bit. “So…” she looked down at her hands sheepishly.

“So?” Pomni urged her to continue. Ragatha let out a sigh.

“I feel like, lately, I don’t really, um. I feel like you are all fine on your own?” It was a difficult thing to admit “And that,” but this was harder, “I’m… the only one who’s not… doing so fine.”

One of her hands picked and pinched the fabric of the other hand’s palm.

“Okay…” Pomni said slowly. “Why are you not… doing fine?” Ragatha shrugged. Did she even know for sure?

“I guess that… now it’s like…” oh no. “Zooble and Gangle kinda have each other?” It’s coming out, oh no. “And,” stop, “and now you and Jax…” oh my god what was wrong with her? Why was she saying this? “And I love Kinger! He’s really sweet but, I don’t mind s-staying behind with him, but um…” She was glad her doll face never showed her blush, but she bowed her head more deeply still, just in case.

“Ragatha… I- we didn’t mean to make you feel left out!” Pomni assured her. “Well, except maybe Jax,” she added, lowering her voice a bit. “But really! Whatever it is that Zooble and Gangle have going on, it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you anymore. As for me and Jax, uh, I know it… can be a little weird for you guys that I’m hanging out with him so much.” Ragatha dared a glance at Pomni, she was rubbing her arm while looking away. “I know he’s… kind of a jerk. Or a total jerk, sometimes. Most times… but he’s not always so…”

“I know Jax, Pomni.” Ragatha couldn’t help a bit of bitterness. “Trust me, I do. I’ve known him for a long time.” She hugged herself, trying not to think about it too much.

“…Well, in any case. I-I get it, but even if I’m getting closer with him, it doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you, okay?” Pomni continued, “I do.” Pomni’s words warmed her up, a torn smile creeping in her face. When Pomni realized it she opened a small smile. “I’m still here for you, okay? Gangle and Zooble, even Kinger as spacey as he is.” She chuckled “We are all here for you. So don’t try to get away. If you need us you can reach out, and we will make sure you are not alone. I promise. Got that?”

Ragatha sniffled and nodded her head.

“Thank you, Pomni.” She felt way lighter than she had in years. “It really means a lot to me.”

Pomni nodded a bit bashfully and her smile grew a bit.

“We can all make this place less difficult for all of us.” The jester said. “It doesn’t have to be on you.”

Ragatha laughed a bit, sincerely this time.

“I guess I like feeling helpful.” She said with an almost cheeky grin. Pomni lightheartedly rolled her eyes, still smiling.

“Well, it’s cool you like to help out but you don’t have to, you know?” She snickered. “You can just hang out, and slack off, or need help, it’s fine. Just know that it’s fine.”

“Okay.” Ragatha sheepishly nodded her head “I’ll remember that.”

They smiled at each other for a moment, in comfortable silence, for once.

“Thank you, Pomni.” Ragatha said again.

“Don’t mention it.” She said looking content. Or at least Ragatha hoped so. “Does it hurt?”

“Huh?” Ragatha noticed Pomni was looking at her side, where the rupture was. “Oh, no, it’s fine. I had forgotten about it.” The doll looked over her wound, stuffing in some cotton that was starting to peek out again. “I’ll just patch it up in my room if I don’t see Caine on our way to the rooms.”

“You ready to head back?” Pomni smiled at her. Ragatha didn’t actually have any rush in ending this moment, but if Pomni suggested it, it was probably for the best to take the hint. So she nodded and, with a hand over her opening, she stood up.

She had intended to spend the night at the lake, but now she much rather accompany Pomni back. More so after everything that happened tonight.

 

“Ragatha?” Pomni called out suddenly. They had been having light conversation on their way home, but it seemed Pomni wanted to change the subject.

“Yeah?” she smiled at her.

“You said you patch yourself up when Caine doesn’t fix you?”Oh, that?

“Yeah, my room has some supplies for it.” She said nonchalantly. It was pretty normal to her at this point, but she could see how it could be weird for Pomni. The other eyed her up and down.

“Did… your dress always have patches? Or are those from fixing yourself up?”

Ragatha chuckled a bit, looking down at her dress.

“Ah, it did have some patches since day one. Some, however, are from ‘circus incidents’” She smiled, unbothered. She tried not to think of the incidents that preceded them, though.

“…How many?” That did make her drop her smile. She glanced at Pomni, who was looking worryingly at her. She smiled again, a real one.

“Don’t worry about that.” She winked, or it would have been a wink if she had two normal eyes. “I’m a tough girl, you know? Always have been…”

Again, she tried not to linger on the subject in her mind.

“…I know you are.” Pomni responded after a few seconds. It surprised her a bit but, when she looked back at Pomni again, the woman had faced away. Just in case, so she wouldn’t upset her, she didn’t press on the matter.

When they finally reached their rooms,      Ragatha let out a sigh. She hoped this wasn’t a one time occurrence. Well, the monster attack, yes. The sudden closeness to Pomni… she hoped not.

“Thanks again, Pomni, for looking out for me.” Ragatha rubbed her forearm with a torn smile back on her face. “I’m sorry you… had to meet Jerry that way.” She allowed herself a soft chuckle. Pomni, thankfully, just snorted too.

“Well, thanks for saving me from Jerry.” She grinned. “And, I’m sorry you felt the need to get away. I’m glad you’re here, Ragatha.” The way Pomni was smiling at her right now almost made it all worth it. She felt her own smile grow helplessly on her face.

“Goodnight, Pomni.” She better go before she embarrassed herself.

“Goodnight, Ragatha.”

They both turned to enter their respective rooms. Ragatha still felt lightheaded when she opened her door. She wasn’t expecting her room to be so dark, it grounded her a bit. It couldn’t prepare her for the heart attack she felt when she realized the huge form shifting in the darkness, or the thousand little look-alikes crawling on her floor.

She let out the most terrific scream when her brain confirmed what they were. Centipedes. Thousand little centipedes all over her room, surrounding the gigantic centipede she had seen in the seats of the Softball adventure stadium.

She fell to her back and crawled backwards to distance herself from the approaching insects, until she felt the opposite wall in her back. She kept screaming. She registered Jax’s laughter beside her.

She turned, and there he was, peeking out of Pomni’s room, laughing like a maniac. Pomni beside him seemed in shock, but...

“Oh my god! This is awesome! Good job bringing her back to her room Pomni, I was sure she was gonna stay on that lake all night.”

“What?!” Ragatha, still mortified, looked at Pomni with a heartbroken, betrayed expression.

“What?! No! I didn’t-“ Before Pomni could finish, Jax came out of her room, a bucket in his hands.

He threw the bucket’s content at Ragatha. You guessed it, more centipedes. All over her now.

She screamed more and more, desperately trying to shake them off of her, still on the ground.

She felt them all over her.

“LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT.” Panic overcame her. She kept trying to snap the devils away.

“R-ragatha!” That was Pomni’s voice, Jax laughed even harder next to her, Ragatha screamed even louder. The jester had knelt down trying to help shoo the centipedes away, but the worst thing Ragatha could think of happened.

They found the opening on her side. They crawled in. Ragatha screamed so loud, the real world must have been able to hear her.

“LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT!”

She felt them moving inside her, shifting her cotton stuffing, she felt like she had to puke, she felt like she could pass out.

“Oh my god, gross! They’re inside her!” Jax seemed to find it really funny, barely able to speak between laughter and wheezing.

“Oh my god, Ragatha!” Pomni cried next to her but Ragatha wasn’t in any position to entertain her presence.

“GET AWAY FROM ME!”

 

Notes:

Thanks for reading! We finally enter the main conflict of the fic, this was the main idea all along. I hope it finds its audience lol

Chapter 4: The worst thing

Summary:

The circus witnesses the worst thing.

Notes:

Three things:
1. Thank you for over 100 kudos and over 1k hits! I made a drawing to celebrate, you can find it on the end notes.

2. Please check out the new tags I added, there's some new warnings. It won't be that bad, but just in case.

3. This is the darkest point of the fic. This chapter will go hard, but I intend this to be as bad as it gets. So don't worry about the next chapters being even darker, this is supposed to be a hopeful fic in the end!

Was that… Ragatha screaming?

“What in the world…?” Zooble got out of bed, thoroughly confused. They swung the door open in a quick movement and looked over the hallway. Jax was just outside Pomni’s room laughing hysterically. Pomni was knelling down over Ragatha, who was lying on the floor screeching like she was in a horror movie. In front of her, the door to her room was wide open, and what Zooble could only assume was a bunch of centipedes were flooding out nonstop. “God d&$# it, Jax.”

Zooble heard Gangle’s door creaking open, so they turned to face her.

“What’s going on? I-is that Ragatha?” Gangle was only slightly visible through the tiny aperture she made.

“Yeah, something’s up.” Zooble said, returning their gaze to the other three and starting to walk towards them. Something was wrong with the way Ragatha was screaming.

“LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT.” Zooble could see Ragatha moving violently but Pomni and Jax were blocking them from getting the full picture.

“Oh my god, gross! They’re inside her!” What?! How?! Zooble rushed their pace.

“Oh my god, Ragatha!” Pomni whined.

“GET AWAY FROM ME!” They were finally close enough to see Ragatha covered in the very thing she hates. It was a short-lived view, since Ragatha bolted up and away towards the hallway exit. She passed by Kinger, who was just now making his way to his room too.

“Oh! Are those my centipedes?” Kinger innocently said as the doll passed him, earning a frustrated scream from her.

“What the f$%# are you guys doing?!” Zooble called Jax and Pomni out. “Pomni! I told you not to let him go too far.”

“I-I didn’t! I-“ They didn’t wait for her to continue before chasing after Ragatha, who had made it to the balcony and was desperately calling out for Caine, still moving erratically, trying to get the bugs off of her. It was a disturbing scene.

“CAINE! HELP ME, PLEASE!!” She kept letting out these high pitched screams, barely managing to make sentences between them. “HELP ME! LET ME OUT PLEASE!” she wasn’t making any sense.

And there was no sign of Caine.

Ragatha curled into a ball, shuddering, scratching herself, picking at an opening at her side. So that’s how the centipedes got ‘inside of her,’ like Jax said. Poor Ragatha. Zooble heard Gangle sob behind them, exposing both her presence and her agreement with their thoughts.

“Woah, hey, it’s okay. Slow down for a moment.” Zooble tried their best to calm the older woman. They got a bit closer to her, leaning down, considering how to best take the insects off of her without disturbing her too much.

“R-ragatha, are you okay?” Gangle peeked from behind Zooble as well, wringing her hands.

“Hold on, Ragatha! If you twitch like that you are gonna make them more violent!” Kinger said, coming in frantically and hovering over Ragatha too.

The doll grabbed her hair, as she often does. She started hyperventilating, trembling, but definitely less scandalized.

“No! No! Don’t! No…” Her voice was weak now, her gaze was lost, pupil shaking slightly. This was not good. Zooble reached to gently remove a centipede that had curled in her yarn locks.

“R-ragatha…” Pomni called behind them, making the former flinch, despite how meek the jester’s voice had been.

“Get away from me!” The doll hugged herself, bringing her legs to cover her face. Which was a terrible mistake, since a centipede quickly crawled from her skirt through her face, making it to her hair in a blink. Ragatha’s resulting high-pitched scream was totally justified after that.

“Oh s#%t! Hold on…” Zooble cursed under their breath as they awkwardly rummaged through her hair, looking for the runaway bug.

“Oh, let me!” Kinger said cheerfully, getting his hands on her hair too.

“Oh, Ragatha…” Gangle whimpered with pity. Jax snorted. His hideous laugh had stopped, but now he snickered under his breath.

“Ohmygod! I-I’m sorry! I didn’t-” Pomni’s distressed voice was just above them now, too. Zooble realized too late that they were all crowding Ragatha against the balcony wall.

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” she boomed. She violently curled up again, making Zooble and Kinger retreat their hands and grabbing her own hair again instead. “YOU ALWAYS LEAVE ME ALONE, WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE NOW?!”

Everyone flinched back from the sudden outburst, but what came next was even worse. Ragatha, in a surge, stood up and desperately leaped off the balcony, leaving them all in stunned silence.

Even Jax.

It was almost funny how they instinctively still reacted as if they were in the real world. How some gasped, or covered their mouths with their hands, and how they felt the blood they didn’t have run cold.

It was a muscular memory reaction, since they should all know they couldn’t die here, or even get irreparably hurt. Except for one thing…

The second was not over yet, and Zooble was still able to register just how concerning this truly was to the one real danger of the circus. They had never seen Ragatha like this, even after seeing her distressed and struggling with Caine and Jax’s shit for years. This was different. This ran deep.

Zooble stood up quickly and looked over the balcony, at their side Pomni called “Ragatha!” and looked over as well. The rest of the crew followed, Gangle gripping Zooble’s arm with astounding strength.

Ragatha was not there.

“WHAT ON MARS AND JUPITER IS GOING ON HERE?!” Caine’s insufferably loud voice called behind their backs. They all turned and there he was, floating in all his psychopathic glory, Ragatha hovering at his side. There were no centipedes in sight, and her injury was now gone.

She did not look good, though. Her glaze flickered from side to side, and her body language made Zooble think of a wet dog that had been tricked to get a shower.

“A-are they gone?” She asked with a wavering voice. “D-did you take out the ones on my stuffing?”

She seemed unsure and on edge, she was holding very still as if she was trying to perceive if she felt something moving on her insides or not. For once, Zooble felt a little better about how their circus body was, and how it was not.

“Jeez, Ragatha. Dramatic much?” Jax nonchalantly said with an ‘over it’ attitude. The audacity…

“Jax, you son of a b%$ch. Caine is right, for once.” Zooble snapped at him. “What the he## did you two do to Ragatha?”

“I didn’t-!” Pomni denied it but Jax cut her off.

“Oh, come on! It was just a little prank! Nothing new under the sun…” Jax rolled his eyes exasperated.

“A little prank my a$$! Tearing Ragatha up to get CENTIPEDES inside of her?! Don’t you think that’s a bit much, even for you?!” They kept pushing on. Jax snorted again and hid a new smirk behind his hand.

“Hey! That was not my idea.” He said, eyeing Pomni. “I don’t know how you managed to do that, Pomni. Don’t you think that was a bit much? I just told you to get her back here.”

“What?! I didn’t know you would do any of that!” Pomni said desperately. “A-and I didn’t tear her up! Jerry did!”

“Jerry?” The lake monster? Zobble squinted confused.

“DON’T BRING JEREMIAH INTO THIS!” Caine blasted right in Pomni’s face, making her blink. Ragatha had been let drop carelessly, making her wail by the fall.

“Brilliant, Pomni. How did you get it to be so aggressive?” Jax kept going, now eyeing Ragatha who was sitting on her knees and glaring at them, trembling slightly. Zooble wondered if it was out of lingering terror, frustration, or even rage. “Jerry is usually so calm, right Ragatha?” She clenched her fists.

“I didn’t do anything! I was just… looking for… Ragatha…” What started as a strong statement started to fade into a doubtful mumble, decided gestures shifting to unsure hand fiddles as Pomni realized what she was saying may not be sounding too good for her case.

“See? We didn’t mean to get centipedes inside of her!” Jax placed a hand on Pomni’s head, which she slapped quickly, but the rabbit kept going. “It was just a hilarious coincidence” he beamed even wider.

“Oh, yes, cause this was hilarious Jax.” Zooble raged on. “Torturing others is just so f&$#ing funny, right?!” They were so sick of his shit.

“Oh, yes.” Jax didn’t hesitate for a second. “Did you see how she threw herself off the balcony like a madwoman? I think our ragdoll is finally losing it…” He gave the woman a side-eye as he sang the last part in a teasing manner. Ragatha grabbed her hair again and bowed her head.

“Jax-“ Pomni called him out. Gangle whimpered behind Zooble.

“That wasn’t very…” Even Kinger was stepping in.

“Stop it.” Zooble said to Jax, getting on his face and pushing him slightly. “Oh my god, can’t you see you are going too far?! Caine! Do something!”

“WHAT SHOULD I DO?! YOU WANNA GO ON AN EMERGENCY ADVENTURE?” Zooble facepalmed at Caine’s stupid idea. “OR, HOLD ON! I COULD CREATE A PRIVATE ROOM WHERE NOBODY CAN SEE OR HEAR YOU ONCE INSIDE, AND THEN GIVE YOU A LOADED GUN SO YOU CAN-“

“Oh my god! What’s wrong with you?!” Zooble hissed.

“Oh, oh, oh, dibs on the gun!” Jax said, entertained.

“No! No one should be getting a gun!” Pomni protested, scandalized.

“Uh… guys?...” Gangle meekly said.

“JUST HEAR ME OUT! YOU GO INSIDE THE ROOM IN TEAMS OF TWO AND YOU-“

“No! We are not doing that!”

“Gun safety is important!” Kinger joined in.

“Sure! Give me some alone time with Ragatha and the gun and we’ll figure this out…”

“G-guys! C-caine!” Zooble registered Gangle’s distressed voice but this mess had to be dealt with first.

“Listen, jacka#% if you dare cross that line I swear-“

“GUYS!” Gangle screeched out getting everyone’s attention. She pointed at Ragatha who was curled up on herself, her body glitching wildly. Oh no. Oh no, no, no. Damn it, Ragatha, don’t…

“Ragatha!” Pomni cried out.

“CAINE! Do something!” Zooble called.

“NO TIME FOR THE GUN! EMERGENCY ADVENTURE! GO!”

“Not that!” Zooble complained but with the snap of his fingers a literal black hole formed between them all and sucked everyone in.

 

Wherever Caine sent them, it was somewhere dark. Not pitch black, not moonlit. They seemed to be inside of somewhere, and there was an artificial dim light coming from nowhere in particular. It was vaguely similar to a laser tag maze.

They had all appeared there in a blink, in the same places and positions they had been before the dark hole appeared. Ragatha was not glitching anymore, but she was still hugging herself, crouching and hiding her face. Zooble had never seen her so despondent.

“R-ragatha, are you okay?” Gangle weakly asked, keeping her distance.

Silence awaited her answer.

“…I’m okay.” The faintest response came, before she lifted her head just enough to free her eyes. “I’m sorry, guys. I-“

Jax scoffed, his hands on his hips.

“Of course you are.” He was bitter. “Of course, you are super duper okay, no problem!” He mocked Ragatha’s usual overly optimistic endeavors. Ragatha glared at him again, her deep frown highlighted by the fact that her eyes were the only exposed part of her face. “See, guys? You are all being melodramatic. Ragatha is fine. She’s always fine, everything is always fine!” His tone was taunting the already tense air.

“Jax.” Came a warning from Pomni.

“Right, Ragatha?” He smiled insincerely.

“You…” Ragatha growled, tensing up.

“Jax, stop it.” Zooble warned too.

“Or what?” He walked closer to Ragatha without breaking eye contact with her, then kneeled down to her level, resting an arm on his knee. “What’s gonna happen if I don’t stop, eh?”

“Then I might need to ask Caine for that gun.” Zooble threatened.

“Why don’t you stay out of this, Zooby?” Jax turned, finally frowning. “If Dollface wants me to stop she should say it herself.” He looked back at her. Ragatha let out an empty laugh, incredulous, finally lifting her whole head.

“Are you kidding me?! I tell you stop! I always tell you to stop!” She raised her voice and then stood up. “I always call you out! I always draw the line! And you always, always cross it!”

“Oh. Do you?” He said, slow and indifferent, as he stood up as well. “I guess I never hear you.” He gave her shoulder a provoking shove, leaving her stunned with her mouth agape.

“Jax! Stop it! Don’t you see she’s not doing well?” Pomni called out, but didn’t move.

“What the f%&k is wrong with you Jax? Do you really wanna go down this path?” Zooble snarled too.

“Hold on now, Jax.” Even Kinger stepped in.

“Hush up, this is between me and her, even Caine got that we need some privacy”

“Privacy my a%$. What do you think you are doing?!”

Why was Jax suddenly acting like this? Did he actually want Ragatha to abstract?!

“According to Ragatha, I’m crossing a line.” He continued, calmly. “But I don’t see anything happening.” He gave her another shove, this time on both shoulders, pushing her back.

Ragatha’s gaze flickered again. She was agitated, her shoulders going up and down. She clenched her fists and charged for Jax, trying to shove him back, but only bouncing off of him instead. Not being able to move him, despite how slender he is. Jax let out a dry chuckle.

“Oh, there we go. Some progress.” He smiled widely. This couldn’t be good. He shoved her again. “What happened, Raggy? Is something wrong?”

She growled.

“Jax! Leave me alone!” She turned around, crossing her arms.

“That won’t do.” He said, dropping his smile. “Oh, my bad. I thought I heard something.” He shoved her again, earning a surprised cry from the other. “I guess it was nothing.”

“Jax, drop it!” Pomni ran to his side, giving him a warning look. “That’s enough. Stop whatever you think you are doing.”

“Yeah, idiot. Do you think fighting with Ragatha is going to solve anything?” Zooble got next to him too, on the other side of Pomni.

“Yes, Zoobs. That’s exactly what I think.” And before they could stop him he rushed forward and rammed Ragatha a fair distance away from them before shoving her to the ground. “Come on! Stand up! Fight back!” he snarled.

“Hey!” Zooble called out as Pomni gasped.

“Jax!” Kinger called from behind with Gangle, who let out a surprised whine as well.

Ragatha was recovering from her surprise on the ground.

“This is what I hate about you.” Jax said, exasperated. “You act like you can help everyone, but you can’t even help yourself, can you? Stand up!”

The doll stood. She looked at him hurt, and not just by the roughing up.

She panted for a moment, then braced herself and launched at him again, this time hitting him repeatedly in the chest with the side of her clenched fists. Zooble couldn’t imagine Ragatha’s plush hands being very hurtful, if at all.

“I hate you!” She said frustrated. “At least I try to help others! The only help you do is helping us abstract!”

She took a step back and covered her mouth, horrified. Jax tensed up, standing very still. They all did, bringing another charged silence back.

“Jax… I-“ Ragatha started after a second, lowering her hands to her chest.

“…Then let me help you.” Jax’s voice was somber like never before.

Jax blew a hit, a real one this time. He smacked Ragatha straight in the face. And time seemed to stop again, as Ragatha took a hand to her cheek.

“Now fight back.” He said coldly. Ragatha fell to her knees again, starting to sob.

And then the glitching returned.

Notes:

There you go: the worst thing I could think of Jax doing. And then Gooseworx went and said "let's give them a loaded gun." Can't wait to see episode six.

Again, thank you so much for all the support, enjoy this illustration I made: https://www.tumblr.com/the-nyx-wish/789975051214766080/no-paper-flowers?source=share

If you think I should add any more tags or warnings, please let me know.

Chapter 5: Threat response

Summary:

Kinger's mind clears up in the dark, bringing back memories and sobering his thoughts. Will he have to see the past repeat itself?

Notes:

I loved episode 6 so much, I'm so glad I waited to see it before writing this. I hope you enjoy this one!

Fight.

Flight.

Freeze.

Fawn.

Kinger knew them to be the four main survival mechanisms that animals, including insects and humans, use when perceiving a threat, danger or in response to trauma. Yes, he remembered that.

Poor Ragatha went through all four of them just now, didn’t she? Think now, Kinger, this is important.

First off, he saw Ragatha fleeing the hallway. Easy, that’s flight. Then, Ragatha curled up in a ball paralyzed. That seemed like freeze. When she threw herself off the balcony, that was flight again… She froze again for a bit after Caine saved her from the fall… Did he save her from the fall? Or did he TP her after she hit the ground?... That’s not the point! Focus now…

The glitching… that horrible, familiar glitching. Was that… was that technically flight again, or…?

Focus, Kinger. Jax and Ragatha are fighting, this is not good.

Oh, that’s right! Caine had sent them to this dark maze on an ‘emergency adventure’ and that’s when Jax and Ragatha started fighting.

Ragatha had fallen back to her usual fawning mode: “…I’m okay. I’m sorry, guys. I-” And that pissed Jax off. It seemed like Jax was trying to activate Ragatha’s fight response, taunting her, attacking her.

After getting a freeze from his first shove, Jax managed to make her fight back with his second one. However, she went back to flight when she saw her counterstrike made no effect. Jax escalated things, despite Pomni, Zooble and Kinger’s attempts to defuse the situation. He violently crashed into her and, after gaining momentum from racing forward, he thrusted her to the ground.

“Jax!” Kinger cried out. This was going too far…

“This is what I hate about you. You act like you can help everyone, but you can’t even help yourself, can you? Stand up!”

That did it again. Ragatha activated her fight response. She lunged forward to hit Jax repeatedly in the chest, frustrated.

“I hate you! At least I try to help others! The only help you do is helping us abstract!”

Flight. She stepped back from Jax.

Freeze. They all did, watching Jax tense up.

“Jax… I-” And back to fawn. Fawn, Kinger recalled, was trying to please or appease the thread to avoid conflict or harm.

Fawn did not work.

Most things caught Kinger by surprise. But the sight of Jax socking his dear Ragatha in the face hit him like a ton of bricks. It was like getting soaked in frigid water, it felt like it sobered him up. He watched in lucid distress as Ragatha touched the impacted zone of her face.

“Now fight back.” Jax insisted. It was Pomni who seemed ready to jump him instead, but she froze like the rest of them when Ragatha fell to her knees, starting to cry. Starting to glitch.

Kinger thought of Queenie.

He tried to think of all the people they had lost. It had never been like this, so confrontational, so public. So helpless. At least not that he could remember.

Jax took a step back, starting to breathe heavily. His plan had gone wrong, Kinger assumed.

“Ragatha…” Kinger stepped forward, tears filling his eyes.

His sweet Ragatha. She had lasted here so long, longer than many else who came and went. And she, of all people, she who had brought him back hope and happiness after losing everything. So often, even when his mind was scattered and hazy, her mere presence brought him comfort.

He wanted to reach forward and comfort her too, even if it was for a final time. But…

“Ragatha!” Pomni cried, bolting to her. She grabbed Ragatha’s glitching arms tightly, making her own hands glitch too. “I’m sorry! I’d have never brought you back if I knew any of this would happen!” She wailed desperately, her voice was a bit distorted from the glitching, and she looked like she was in pain. But she didn’t let go. “I would have stayed in the lake with you, all night if you needed it!” She was looking Ragatha in the eyes, but the other had her gaze down, not really there. “I’m here, Ragatha! I’m here!” She sobbed and wrapped her in a hug, causing her own body further glitching, and probably pain.

It scared Kinger. That had not happened when he touched an abstracted Queenie. What did this mean? Would they lose them both?

But Ragatha’s eye focused again.

She was still staring down, still frozen in place, but her eye exhibited lucidness. And sure enough, the corruption of her form settled down, slowly, as did Pomni’s.

Kinger stared in awe, moved by the scene in front of him, as relief flooded all over him. Pomni was such a sweet, brave girl. He was so glad. Their Ragatha, as despondent as she looked, was still there. Pomni seemed to realize, since she tightened her grip.

Gangle sniffled and whimpered, coming to his side, wringing her hands. She shifted her teary gaze between the two girls and him. He smiled at her with his eyes and nodded his head, getting an idea of what she was thinking.

“Ragatha!” She wailed as she rushed to hug her too. Well, she literally wrapped her ribbons completely around the two, squeezed tight (gaining a choking sound from Pomni), and buried her mask in the top of Ragatha’s head. All while crying uncontrollably, of course.

“Oh!” She managed to get out of Ragatha. “I-I’m sorry.” The weakest voice came out of her, making Gangle cry harder.

“Don’t be sorry!” Kinger said happily, making his way over. He didn’t have arms to hug them properly, but he kneeled behind Ragatha’s back and brought the huddle close with his hands, nuzzling his head. “We’re glad!” His voice cracked in the end, but he was chuckling of joy. “We thank you. Thank you for being here, Ragatha.” He made sure to sound serious for that last part.

Ragatha sobbed, but Kinger could no longer see her face. Instead he saw Pomni’s, she had a bit of stress left in her eyes but she had a little smile on her face. When their gaze met he gave her a thankful and proud look, and she smiled wider. She closed her eyes and leaned her head on Ragatha, sighing with relief.

“Oh, heck.” Zooble had walked over to them too. They kneeled in front of Ragatha and patted her in the head, since Gangle looked up to see them when they spoke. “I’m not big on hugs, but I’m glad you are okay Ragatha.” They petted her locks, a soft look on their eyes. Gangle giggled a bit.

“Thank you, Zooble.” Ragatha managed to shakily say. “T-thank you, guys…” Her voice broke, and she lowered her head again.

Kinger smiled at Zooble, who was too busy looking at Gangle to notice, so he shifted his gaze to Jax.

The look on his face worried him, almost as much as his body language.

Not quite fight anymore, not quite flight or freeze either. Definitely not fawn, but maybe a mix of the first three, which just didn’t make sense.

He had taken even more steps back, his pupils were shrunken, he breathed heavily, and he had his guard up for a nonexistent threat.

Kinger sent him a worried look but Jax wasn’t seeing him. He had his eyes set on Ragatha, on all of them, but he wasn’t really seeing them. Not truly.

Jax didn’t seem to know what to say or do, which wasn’t a usual occurrence. Was that why he was so distressed?

“Jax?” He called out to him, concerned.

Ragatha immediately tensed up, and so did Zooble and Gangle. Pomni just looked back at the rabbit. Jax quickly came back from his stupor. He regained his composure, putting that big, empty smile on his face.

“What? You want me to join in on the hug?” He scoffed, humored, nonchalantly looking away. “I’m sure you all want that!” He crossed his arms not dropping his smile.

“Apologize.” It was Pomni who spoke first, with a harsh, imperative tone. Jax chuckled and forced his smile to stay on his face, now looking strained.

“What? Apologize?” he snickered dryly. “Do you forgive me, Ragatha?” His tone was mocking, but his eyes betrayed something else. “No, wait, don’t answer that.” He dramatically continued, making a ‘stop’ gesture with his arm. “You might actually say yes.” He chuckled darkly again.

“What about you, Zooble? Do you forgive me?” His tone was cynical, yet tainted with pain. “Or you, Gangle? Kinger? No, you don’t know what’s going on.” He kept rambling, spiraling.

“What about you, Poms?” His smile grew tortured on his face. “Are you going to forgive this? Are you that stupid?” He seethed as he clenched his teeth and his fists. He laughed. “Aren’t you all cute, hugging and crying like idiots, over a mad woman who did all this to herself?!”

“How can you say that?!” Zooble growled standing up. Ragatha choked a sob.

“Jax!” Pomni called him out, her hands gripped Ragatha tighter. Jax chuckled again.

“You think you are doing anything?!” He yelled, losing his temper. “You are going to hug Ragatha for five minutes and then she’ll be okay, and won’t break down again? She will!”

“F%#k off! She broke down because you pushed her to the limit.” Zooble pointed at him furious.

“You really think so?!” Jax sounded baffled. “You really think all of this happened because I put centipedes in her room?”

“What?! It happened because you were fu#&ing violating her!” Zooble got on his face.

“She was glitching before we even got here!” He pushed Zooble away from him, his tone deeply stressed. “I was just trying to…!” He shut up.

“What, what were you trying to do?!” Zooble pressed on. Jax chuckled again.

“Fu&#! You all are so dense.” He said, hands on his hips, strained smile back in place, looking away. Was Jax fawning? A rare occurrence. “You all are so silly! Or maybe not silly enough…”

“There is nothing silly about this, Jax.” Zooble’s antennas vibrated in annoyance. “This is a simple question. Are you sorry or not?” They gave a little pound to his chest. His smile crooked a bit more, he tightened his lips. He scoffed again.

“What do you think?” Was all he said, painfully neutral, or maybe neutrally pained. He turned around. “Yesh! This is supposed to be an adventure! Where are the things to do? Caine is slacking off.” Jax said, bringing back his usual façade. He started walking forward, towards exploring the maze they were in. Zooble just crossed their arms and watched him go, without taking their eyes off of him.

“Wait, wait, wait, hold on!” Pomni shifted, trying to move out of Gangle’s embrace. Seeing this, the ribbon girl let her grip loose so Pomni could free herself. Kinger stopped pressing them against him too, and the jester rushed to follow Jax before he was out of sight, as he was heading to a corridor between two weird shaped walls. “Jax! You can’t just-!”

“What do you want?!” He snapped, furiously turning around to see her. She flinched, stopping. Ragatha tensed and shifted, as if she wanted to go after them, but when Gangle stepped back, letting her go, the doll stays put.

“I want to talk about what just happened!” Pomni pushed on, determined. Jax laughed incredulous again.

“Well I don’t.” He cut her off. He pointed to the rest of them. “Go talk with them! Go play happy family, I don’t care! I’m done here, I’m done with you. I’m done with all of you! You take the fun out of everything! We are stuck in a freaking circus. Learn to play your parts!” He turned around with momentum, again, and stomped his way through the maze.

Pomni stood there in confused shock for a bit, before shaking her head and turning back to Ragatha.

“I’ll be right back.” She said, pointing at her. “I promise.” She turned around with all the intention to go after Jax.

“Pomni, hold on.” Kinger stood up, not wanting to leave Pomni alone with an unstable Jax.

“I can handle him.” She assured, turning to give Kinger a thumps up. “Stay with Ragatha, I’ll be back soon.” And off she went. He let her go, kneeling back down next to Ragatha who was looking at Pomni unsure. He placed a hand on her shoulder to reassure her. Kinger trusted Pomni, especially after what he saw tonight. And right now there was a bigger matter at hand.

“They’ll be fine. How are you feeling?” Kinger soothingly said. Ragatha shrank into herself, hugging her own arms. Gangle, timidly now, placed a hand on her other shoulder too. Ragatha just looked down, and didn’t respond. Zooble stopped glaring at the way Pomni and Jax went and came to sit down with them too.

“That was a lot.” They said.

“It was.” Kinger agreed. He looked at Ragatha patiently. “How about you tell us what happened?” Ragatha looked up, a bit surprised, as if Kinger had seen through her.

After all, Jax was right about something, this was not about the centipedes, or even the scuffle between her and Jax. Although, it definitely didn’t help. But he’ll have to try and talk to Jax later about it.

The point was that there was a deeper problem here, and they still had a chance to help Ragatha through it.

“We got all the time in the world.” He offered a soft, patient look, and his whole attention.

Notes:

Kinger my beloved.

Thanks for reading, next chapter we are going back to Ragatha's POV :)

Notes:

Thanks for reading! Do let me know how I could improve, and tell me if there's a mistake, english is not my first language.
Remember this has unreliable narrators according to the POV of each character, and this is mostly a character exploration fic, where no one is bidimentional. Also remember things will be alright in the end.