Work Text:
Being a security guard meant that days went by without much care. He knew he was trapped. They all were, their contracts keeping them tied to this place. There should have been camaraderie in that, but in reality, that was a lie too.
They were all stuck in a position that they didn’t want to be in. There was no solace, even if it meant not being the only person in that position.
J3 didn’t dress outside of his uniform. He wasn’t supposed to. None of them were, really. That could have been a bad thing—he knew that others might be bothered by the forced conformity. It wasn’t a big deal to him, who didn’t often care about how things went in life anymore.
Once upon a time, he did care about his life and how he lived it. Those feelings dissipated, just as his strive to work endlessly toward accumulating points in order to use the Employee Store to buy what he wanted did.
Being a security guard meant normally staying in the lower levels of Baekilmong, specifically the basement floors that few employees from other departments would willingly enter. The corporation would allow them to venture outside at night, but many did not take the offer. Their jobs remained inside the building, where they could be monitored.
It wasn’t anything too strange not to leave Baekilmong. J3 understood it—he only left occasionally, and that had been a recent thing. It was to spend time with a person with whom he was growing a bond. That was stranger than anything else, in J3’s opinion.
He might have met a friend.
He wasn’t sure if he had thought of it correctly. He had a friend, or at least, something akin to a friend. He should have been more interested in how to define their relationship, but did he care? Not as much as others would, surely.
Kim Soleum was a kind person and a youthful employee—a naive rookie in all ways. He still had a demeanor around him that said he hadn’t seen horrid things, the slightest glimmer in his eyes that displayed that he wasn’t dreading his next mission.
J3 had once been like that, without the fear on his back like a weight, but then Field Team Orientation happened, and he had changed. How Kim Soleum made it this far without giving up surprised J3, but he had to stop being surprised by Kim Soleum, or he would never experience any other emotion.
If he had never applied to the pharmaceutical company, where would his life be? J3 wouldn’t know. He didn’t necessarily care, either. He did not ponder those thoughts.
However, when he found himself looking at the CCTV footage, surveilling the halls for hours on end, he sometimes allowed himself to think about the what-ifs.
What if he never joined Baekilmong? It would be easy to assume he would not be a security guard, then. He would have remained more normal. He could have been easier to approach and had better coping habits.
What if he were not on B-squad, but assigned to a different one? He didn’t like that question. He couldn’t take back what he had done. He was a leader. He tried. Wasn’t that the only important thing? He would like to think that what he did was enough. In his heart, he knew it wasn’t.
What if he had never met Kwak Jekang? It twisted him up inside. He did not like that bastard. He did not want to look at that smarmy face or be in that man’s presence. However, Kwak Jekang was also important, not to him specifically, but for the company, and one day, solving how to be rid of contamination and Darkness. He was a needed evil, though J3 still wanted to tear apart that smirk, watch him weep blood instead.
What if he collected points regularly again? J3 didn’t necessarily want to go back to being a field agent. It wasn’t something that he craved. No one was particularly built for that type of work; it just wasn’t an average experience. They were thrown in, but some adapted better than others, though. Working as part of the security personnel at Baekilmong was safer, in that way.
J3 should stop pondering these things. Just because he was bored, and in need of something to focus on, didn’t mean he should look back on his past.
It was hard to ignore it, at times. His past was riddled with mistakes and scars he could not be rid of. Those blemishes would never completely fade. He had to accept that, just as he accepted what he could become.
He could transform into a beast. He knew it was gnarly, his form something from a horror tale, just like the Darkness that warped him. He was not something pleasant to look at; he wasn’t someone safe. He was a threat to those around him. It was apparent every time he transformed that he was a problem.
Did he hate it, though? That was a question he could not answer with a definite yes or no. It should be easy to hold disgust. Yet, there were also good points about his form. He could do things that field agents couldn’t. He could become a beast, but he was also a savior.
Or at least, that’s what Kim Soleum had quipped once. J3 wasn’t sure if he wanted to go into detail about how he looked.
He glanced away from the CCTV footage screen to look at his hand. His eyes roamed to his nails, watching as they became more pointed, their tips turning black. His eyes lit up, golden hues flickering in his eyes.
He shut his eyelids, retreated it all away, locking away the part of himself that was forever changed.
He couldn’t help but wonder if his fur was ever matted when he transformed. He would usually become covered in blood when he warped into the beast. If he did not change back into something more humanoid, he would be done for. His fur would be a tangled mess, with blood the only new addition to the hair. He thought perhaps that’s all he should be.
He was not anything good. He wasn’t holy—he was barely considered human. He didn’t have rights. He didn’t want them, either. He didn’t mind the leash at times; it was the owner who disturbed him. It kept him in order. He slayed only those who deserved it; he didn’t kill people on a whim.
He wondered if there would ever be a time when he felt confident enough to be uncollared. Would it feel strange to have free will? At this point, it felt like it would. It would be different from what he had grown used to. The idea of it made his chest feel tight.
He opened his eyes with a new thought in his head. Who controlled him—who reined him in—was what needed to change. His eyes sparkled with golden flecks of light that did not exist in the room.
He knew he shouldn’t be having these thoughts. He shouldn’t be thinking about him. He was too new to this world to hold that responsibility.
What if he had never met Kim Soleum? It terrified him, in some aspects, not to make a friend. Would he be without donuts? Probably. He wouldn’t get them as often. Kim Soleum was the one who brought them into work, always citing professional reasons, as it was best to maintain good relations with co-workers.
J3 did not like his thoughts at the current moment. He felt more secure because of Kim Soleum. He was grounded when Kim Soleum looked at him, his eyes gleaming as he talked about mundane things. Kim Soleum was a light in the darkness, almost quite literally. He made J3 feel less monstrous than he could be, and had been in the past.
Kim Soleum was the opposite of many of J3’s peers. They were also similar, of course, but it was the peculiar personality of Roe Deer that made J3 not think they were the same. Kim Soleum made J3 feel like he needed to do better.
Suddenly, his days no longer passed in a blur of fogginess. He had things to do: people to see, projects to conquer, and hobbies to keep up with.
He looked back at the CCTV screens. He would stay here, lingering in all of the wrong places. He didn’t do much when he was assigned this. It was relaxing in a way, but mostly boring, bordering on cruel. He grew accustomed to it over time.
He clicked through the screens, switching the camera views so he could inspect an odd shadow on B2. A small blur wasn’t much. It was nothing—or it was something, but when he reported it, it would be dismissed.
J3 zoomed in on the video, trying to get a better picture. The pixels became increasingly warped and indistinguishable. It was impossible for someone, even with his eyesight, to tell what was going on.
He clicked closer and closer still, watching the vague pixels of the shadow move. He even began to creep out of his relaxed position, his back slightly lifting away from the chair.
But then there was a knock, a staccato. The sound was loud in his ears, like a bang, despite the fact that it was made with a gentle hand.
J3 was unused to being interrupted at work. He had a few things pop up every now and then, but mostly, he lived a quiet life. Work was work, that was all it ever could be to him. There was nothing exciting about his days here.
Another knock echoed. J3 sat up, more fully alert to the presence.
He needed to get out of his head so he could answer the door. What was the point in thinking about the past when there was something more to learn and discover in the future? Well, not even that. J3 didn’t give much thought to what was in store for him. His thoughts nowadays consisted of only one thing.
He stood up, slinking out of the chair with bones that did not ache even though he had suffered injuries that would leave him incapable of walking. Contamination beyond repair wasn’t all bad, was the pitch that had been given to him during recovery.
He mourned the comfortable feeling of the chair against his back. It soothed his muscles, which were only occasionally used. He stepped across the tiled floor, feet clacking silently, his movements more like a ghost’s, even if he was more burly.
He opened the door slowly. He wasn’t threatened by who, or what, was knocking at his door. There wasn’t much that could hurt him, and no one would attack unprovoked.
Kim Soleum was there, blinking up at J3 with a faint smile on his face, shifting something in his hands.
It was then that J3 smelled the pungent aroma of coffee—and sweets. He ignored the hot drinks that Kim Soleum struggled to carry along with the box of donuts. He looked down at what he knew was his; Kim Soleum would only come here with donuts if he was willing to give them up.
J3 was proven right when Kim Soleum awkwardly lifted the tray of cups, doing so to push the box in his hands toward J3 as well.
“Donut?” he asked, a knowing tone in his voice, almost teasing.
J3 snatched the box, his fingers gripping it with care. It wasn’t desperate, he had not been desperate in a long while, but it was something. There was only one person who willingly came down here and gave him donuts as a present.
His hands opened the box as Kim Soleum held the coffee tray with more confidence. He relaxed as soon as he saw the shiny glaze inside the box. He sniffed the air, asking for more, almost, without already consuming what he was gifted.
The smell was enticing as always. He wondered if Kim Soleum went out of his way to obtain the freshest batch possible. If so, that would be nice, but J3 wouldn’t blame him if he just bought whatever he could. Kim Soleum showing any care toward him was already a lot more than he deserved.
“Seems good,” Kim Soleum commented, a laugh in his tone.
J3 hummed in the back of his throat, the sound echoing through his nose. He sniffed the box of donuts, pulling one out before he set it on the desk. He could rewind the CCTV footage if he needed to. He would worry about whatever oddities were there later.
Kim Soleum came to visit him. That’s what really mattered.
J3 didn’t have many friends. He didn’t really even have acquaintances. Most people he was close to were dead, or they were co-workers who couldn’t afford to interact with him. He spoke to Park Minseong often, but he was that man’s superior, so the camaraderie wasn’t the same.
J3’s mouth became pinched as he looked at the pink glazed donut with sprinkles in his hand. He only received these nice treats from Kim Soleum, one of the only friends he had, and someone he had grown quite close to.
How close were they? J3 didn’t know. How was he supposed to know, after all? Sometimes he felt like his perspective in this world was warped ever since he became contaminated permanently. At least he could still interact with others in some way.
Kim Soleum smiled at him softly, his cheeks slightly pink as if he was happy with J3’s satisfaction.
J3 thought Kim Soleum was an odd person, but then again, he had always thought that. Kim Soleum didn’t even so much as blink when he transformed into the beast. He knew that it was because they were similar, but he still wondered what all made Kim Soleum trust him.
Without knowing, Kim Soleum earned his loyalty. It was a simple thing to earn, in all likelihood. J3 was sure that if anyone like Kim Soleum appeared, he could find his wanes turned to them. Yet, part of him also knew that Kim Soleum was special.
This was friendship, he thought fondly. He lifted the donut to his lips, biting it roughly, enjoying every small crunch of the dough and the strange texture from the sprinkles. He licked the glaze off his lips and ran his tongue over his canines so he didn’t waste a single crumb.
He had been told once that chocolate was bad for dogs. Cheong Dalle had patted him on the back and said, “It’s a good thing you’re a wolf instead, huh?” J3 didn’t feel thankful back then. He still didn’t feel thankful now.
At least, it meant he could enjoy whatever he wanted. Contamination had odd effects on the human body. J3 was sure that contamination could be doing worse things, as well. It was just how some things were.
Contamination was never something readily accepted by a person, although the church made that idea all fall apart. J3 chose not to think about that too much. He looked down at his fingers, his nails piercing the dough, instead.
He lifted his gaze from the donut as he opened his mouth. J3 took another bite, looking up at Kim Soleum as he did so.
He should thank Kim Soleum for the box of donuts, he knew. That was only the polite thing to do. Kim Soleum had to be waiting in front of him patiently for a reason. Maybe it wasn’t a thank you he was waiting for, though.
J3’s heart skipped a beat as Kim Soleum’s eyes softened while looking at him. His chest tightened in a good way. He successfully made a friend. Sir, he wanted to ask, why do you look at me so fondly?
Those words would never escape him. He was a coward in some aspects. A cowardly wolf, not a dog. He was more monstrous than something that people would take in as a pet. He was aware of his putrid smell and his yellow fangs, of his rough-textured fur and his razor-sharp claws.
He knew how blood felt on his tongue, and how annoying it was when flesh got stuck between his teeth. He knew all of this; how monstrous did that make him? It was normal for him at this point in his life, in his work routine. He didn’t enjoy it, exactly, but he knew how to deal with it.
Maybe he should apologize for knowing it. He should repent. That’s what people did when they wanted to be saved, wasn’t it?
But J3 already felt saved.
When Kim Soleum ran into him by accident, asking about a missing person on the basement levels of Baekilmong, J3 thought nothing of it. It wasn’t until he observed Kim Soleum helping to save others from the Changgwi that he realized he was accepted as he was. He was asked to transform to get rid of the threat.
His loyalty was not something you could pay for. It wasn’t freely handed over. But it wasn’t hard-earned either. It just took a smile and a glance.
J3 should have more morals, but what did he know? He was on a leash for a good reason. He needed someone to say what was right and what was wrong. Dogs had different eyesight from humans, didn’t they know? He couldn’t follow everything as is.
J3 chewed, waiting longer for Kim Soleum to speak. He swallowed, his golden eyes focused on Kim Soleum’s slightly embarrassed face. It was only after he was half-way done with the donut when Kim Soleum shifted side to side on his feet, and finally had the courage to speak.
“How have you been, Jay-ssi?” he asked, eyes round and curious.
J3 clicked the glaze off his thumb as he caught Kim Soleum’s gaze. The crystallized sugar was all he ever wanted from these sweet treats. The dough between his teeth was satisfactory as well, soft and pliable, delectable in all ways, but the sugar was what made him lick his lips and repeatedly come back.
He was a wolf with a sweet tooth, nothing more. He was allowed a treat as long as he behaved. Kim Soleum was nice in that way. He brought J3 things like this as a way of saying hello, goodbye, and how have you been, I hope you’re well, and continue to stay healthy even if we’re both tied to this awful company.
J3 parted his lips, sugar still on his tongue, and stickiness lingering. He observed Kim Soleum as he was—a perfectly primed suit, the rabbit charm in his pocket, his bangs hanging loosely over his forehead, and his shoes shiny and neat.
“I’ve been well,” J3 replied, voice rough, almost scratchy.
He hadn’t spoken to another person other than Park Minseong in a while. Park Minseong was busy with his work, but they still found time in the morning to speak. His duties did not align with what J3 was doing. Park Minseong had a structure he had to follow, even though he was unaware of it. He couldn’t touch rule books, and he couldn’t dare look at a list. He had to stay away from it without being aware that he wasn’t allowed to read them.
J3 missed him, in a way. Park Minseong brought some light. They weren’t close; no one was in Baekilmong, not really—unless they were part of a squad that had survived missions regularly. J3 had that once with B-squad, but he was sure most of them were dead.
He didn’t think of his old squad mates often, but he was today. He wondered if it was because Kim Soleum stood in front of him, a polite look on his face. Kim Soleum made him nostalgic about his time as a rookie and as a leader. Kim Soleum made him want to do better.
However, J3 had nowhere to climb. He couldn’t exactly move up the ranks in his new position. He would rather not move up the ranks while in the basement levels, actually.
If he were still human, if he were not a wolf in sheep’s clothing, would he still be alive? Would he be interacting with his old teammates? Would they be alive at all? Was his death, his ruin, the thing that saved them?
This was why J3 didn’t like thinking about the past. The what-ifs made him detest who he had become. He already hated himself, didn’t he? Why bring up more reasons to despise who he was?
“I’m glad,” replied Kim Soleum, eyes sparkling as he glanced down at the mostly eaten donut in J3’s hand. “I hope the treats last a while.”
They both knew they wouldn’t. The donuts would be gone by the end of the day, if they even lasted until darkness fell. It was a silly thought to think that J3 wouldn’t eat all of them as soon as Kim Soleum left. He wouldn’t even be adverse to eating them all one by one in front of Kim Soleum.
Although, if Kim Soleum stuck around, he would offer one to him. J3 was a glutton in many ways. He liked what he liked, and he wouldn’t hide that fact. Why should he? He was the big bad wolf, was he not? This was only natural for him to do as he wanted.
But for Kim Soleum, he would do a lot. He would step aside, give in, and bow. Kim Soleum saw him as something more. J3 wasn’t sure if he was cherished, but it was something. That’s what mattered, right?
“Have a good day,” J3 said shortly but meaningfully.
His tone was not quite warm, but it was not cold. It was gruff, yet filled with emotion. He tried to convey all of his feelings into it. Stay safe, he wanted to urge. Stay safe, return to the upper floors, and don’t get caught in a Darkness that you can’t handle.
“You as well.”
Kim Soleum bowed his head, and then his feet turned to the door. He carried the cups of coffee in his hand carefully, opening the door with only a slight hiccup. J3 walked forward, almost thinking he should have opened the door in the first place. That would be respectful, yes?
Kim Soleum didn’t look at him oddly, though. He didn’t despise J3 for not being polite and helping him leave. Kim Soleum didn’t expect things like that from him. It was… nice. There were no expectations of how J3 was supposed to act.
It was refreshing, like mountain air on a cold day after hiking all the way to the peak. J3 wished he could do more than look at the door as it closed. Next time, he would open it. Kim Soleum had no expectation of it, but J3 was only being kind. He was reciprocating the bond between them.
He sat back down in his chair, lounging in the soft, plush seat. He felt light after that small visit with Kim Soleum. He didn’t dread sitting the rest of the day watching over cameras that no one truly cared about. CCTV footage was only important if one of the higher-ups at Baekilmong wanted to see it.
J3 had it easy. He reminded himself of that as he reached for another donut. With his other hand, he clicked through the different screens, rewinding time to when Kim Soleum initially arrived.
A faint smile appeared on his face when he switched camera angles to see Kim Soleum walking up to the room with the coffee and donuts from a few minutes ago.
So if J3 wasn’t busy with other things, he would have known it was Kim Soleum who was coming to greet him. He would keep that in mind. It was essential to look at the entrance to the door so he wouldn’t be surprised by visitors.
He went back to the odd frames from earlier, dismissing it entirely when nothing else appeared. There was nothing strange at all. Just a glitch or an odd-moving shadow, neither of which was shocking.
He ate another donut within the hour. It tasted just as good as the second one, but not the same as the first. He wondered if the first one tasted the best because he was in Kim Soleum’s presence. Friends brought happiness to the forefront of his mind.
The day passed like that. J3 didn’t hate it at all. He grew bored, of course, but he always did after spending his time confined to a room with screens. There was no music or audio on the videos. He didn’t particularly need it anyway. He was going to grow bored no matter what, after all.
This was his life with Kim Soleum in it. He didn’t dread every minute. He was able to look out onto life with a different filter. It made things brighter, though J3 wondered if it would also one day turn into a black and white film. Kim Soleum had the greatest influence on him at the time.
He did not want to part with Kim Soleum. He finally found someone he liked and respected. He was one foot in the grave, and he would readily be buried if Kim Soleum so much as asked. Dying like that wouldn’t be so bad, he thought, because it meant that he died for Kim Soleum in some way, shape, or form.
J3 retired for the night, heading to his dorm. It was a bleak place, but that was because he didn’t bother to personalize it. He didn’t deserve the comfort, did he?
J3 often thought that perhaps he should have given in to contamination long ago. Not just as he was now, a beast with human skin that would warp whenever he released it, shattering his shell, but as something completely eaten. An eroded form; a death in all ways. He would no longer be anything at all, not even a body or a skin to contain the contaminated remains of who he once was.
Maybe if he died with a whimper, if he died with a bang, he could have found peace. But he didn’t. He lived with a rumble in his chest, a need to do better for the ones he respected, so he continued to get up every day and live even if it felt like a chore at times.
His bed was abnormally chilly that night. A cold feeling seeped into the sheets, invading his warmth. He couldn’t understand it. Didn’t Park Minseong tell him that morning that the weather forecast was supposed to be warming up—that it would be sunny for the rest of the week?
When he crawled out of bed, he felt like his limbs were as heavy as lead. He could tell instantly that he did not have a good night’s rest. He would try to sleep better next time, that very night, so he could bundle up in warmth and seek out comfort.
He lay in bed for a long while. J3 knew that it did no good to just roll over and try to pretend that he didn’t have to go to work, but it was hard not to stay rooted against the bed and hope to magically feel better.
He ended up breathing in deeply, and then huffed out a long sigh. He couldn’t be so tired if he were assigned an important duty. His life may be hard to end, but others around him were more fragile. He needed to protect them.
J3 rolled out of bed, his bare feet hitting the cold floor. His toes curled as he looked down. He shifted his shoulders, trying to stretch just a little. It was going to be a bad day if he didn’t stop feeling so shitty.
He got dressed in his uniform, not bothering to look in a mirror as he fixed his hair. He did not care about his human appearance; it was the beast’s that always bothered him. He wanted to be someone who was not threatening, or at least he did until Kim Soleum looked at him and said it was alright, that he had done a good job.
He sighed as he left his room, walking down the halls to go to work. He passed by other employees, not paying them any mind. He would stick to his assignment and not get caught up in trouble.
He had been put on CCTV watch duty for a few days now. It wasn’t uncommon. CCTV footage tracked not only employees, but anomalies as well. Of course, the anomalies were normally solved quickly, or they were sanctioned, so that didn’t matter much in the end. But alas, if there was a true emergency, then someone needed to be watching.
At least his assignment wasn’t something where his transformation was integral to the mission. J3 did not have to worry about turning monstrous when he was assigned simple duties. He could chill in the CCTV room, watching the monitors with no focused thoughts. Why work hard when he could stare off into the distance?
He clocked in, saw his assignment details, and sighed as he was directed back to the CCTV role. His boots felt heavy, like metal weights, but that was just because he hadn't slept well. He picked up his feet one at a time, each step causing him to internally groan.
As he walked to the CCTV room, he wondered if he could have had a simpler life as a security guard if he had no memories of who he used to be. If he were a blank mask with a face that he couldn’t recognize as himself.
If he didn’t remember the faint camaraderie he felt with others, if he didn’t recall how it felt to be with others who were kind, or even had no memories at all, would he be more pleased with his current life? It gnawed at him like a pack of animals nibbling on the bones of their slain prey.
He nodded toward Park Minseong and other security personnel, who were picking up his own assignment for the day. J3 had arrived later today than he did yesterday due to not getting up on time. He had time for small talk yesterday, for being early.
He had spoken to Park Minseong about the weather, and what they would do later that night when they were allowed to roam the world. It was a pleasant and brief conversation. Yesterday, in general, was nice—J3 tried not to think about how having brief conversations with two people was something that did not happen often.
Today, they did not get that chance. Instead, they nodded toward each other, the only thing they could do before separating to attend to their duties. Park Minseong smiled at him kindly, bright in a way that J3 thought was similar to Kim Soleum.
It's possible that D-squad was entirely different from the squad J3 had been in. He bit his lips at the thought. Could he have done better back then? Was this all his fault?
He shook his head and trudged on. He couldn’t worry about that. It was the past. He couldn’t fix it even if he tried. Many Darknesses out there messed with time, but never in a way that ultimately benefited people.
He walked into the CCTV room, becoming well-acquainted with the chair as he always did on these days. He slumped into it, placing his feet on the desk so he could watch the screens while in a more relaxed position. He had fallen asleep before in this very same position, but there was nothing to worry about.
It’s not like Baekilmong would change out of nowhere one day. They did not care about what happened to their employees. Even those in a contract were a simple means to an end. This was nothing at all to them.
Disappearances of employees did not matter. So what if they died? They had signed away their rights as soon as they entered the company. Baekilmong would never be found out, and the world would continue to rotate.
J3 crossed his arms and tried to relax. He felt tired, but not in a physical way. Was it just emotionally draining to come back here today? He wasn’t sure if it was. This was fine. He didn’t know why he felt like this. He just slept weirdly, that’s all.
He tried to doze off, but he couldn’t. Even shifting positions didn’t help. He crossed and uncrossed his legs to no avail. It was clear to him that sleep did not want him, and he decided that he did not want sleep.
He took his feet off the desk, glaring at the screen up close instead. It was uncomfortable for both of them, he was sure. J3 did not like being so close to the monitors, but what choice did he have?
He grumbled to himself about how he should have picked up breakfast early. He usually only ate after working for a few hours. It was a bad habit that he had no plans to break, except, of course, when he felt hunger in the pit of his stomach.
He was just about to get up when he saw a familiar figure on one of the screens. His eyes lit up, reflexively turning to look at the door.
A single, short knock rang out through the room. J3 was already standing up. Another knock reverberated through the air, but nothing else was needed. J3 opened the door to see Kim Soleum’s soft smile and a familiar box of donuts.
Two days in a row, a dozen donuts were presented to him. Was Kim Soleum a saint or something? J3’s stomach practically growled just from the view—the scent. It smelled just as good as the donuts from yesterday. J3 would not turn them down.
“Want a donut?” Kim Soleum asked, his tone almost teasing.
J3 reached forward, taking the box with practiced ease. He opened it up to see the familiar blessed dough. He sniffed the air again, though it was unnecessary. He could identify what all of these were. He just— He couldn’t believe that Kim Soleum visited him again so soon.
This felt like real friendship, didn’t it? J3 had a true friend after so many months of not being acknowledged as having camaraderie between him and others. He was more than just a nametag, than a person who ended up as a security guard, and was now considered less of a person for it.
J3 picked up a donut, one that was shiny and full of cream. He set the box down on his seat, turning to look at Kim Soleum as he ate. He hoped that his eyes conveyed how much he was thankful for this. He didn’t technically need to eat, at least not as much as normal non-contaminated people did, but he still felt hunger and cravings for sugary sweets.
Sometimes, he wondered if he had always liked donuts, or if it was something that became known after his transformation. He couldn't recall obsessing over donuts in his memories, but those were blurry enough; why dig into the past any further? It was all unnecessary.
He looked toward the future. It was supposed to be full of misery and strife, of grays and monotones. He had a bright future, and it all happened because of the person in front of him.
Trust was hard to hand over. He was fearful that it would be taken for granted, that no one would turn to him for help even if he freely offered it. He didn’t care about being taken advantage of. He welcomed it, really. Use me for all that you need.
When he looked at Kim Soleum, of course, the man was still smiling at him. His lips were curled up fondly, probably a reaction to inwardly laughing at the rumble that exited J3’s stomach a short moment ago.
J3 didn’t mind Kim Soleum’s look. It only made his chest feel warm, relief filling him. Kim Soleum didn’t judge him as he took another bite from the donut. This was a healthy friendship. It had to be, or else J3 didn’t know what a friend was looked like.
As J3 bit into the dough again, he heard Kim Soleum say, “You seem to like it.” He smiled bashfully at J3. “That’s good.”
J3 licked some of the cream that escaped the donut off of his lips. He then asked, “Will you have a good day?”
Kim Soleum’s expression flickered from the way J3 worded it. “I…” He hesitated, glancing down to the floor before looking back up at J3’s face. “I hope so.”
J3 hoped so as well. He hummed in agreement to Kim Soleum’s reply, making sure that his point was across. He was wishing for Kim Soleum to have a wonderful day. It’s what he deserved for bringing him donuts again.
J3 thought about letting Kim Soleum know that he would slay anyone who harmed him. All Kim Soleum needed to do was ask. J3 didn’t even need to be asked, really. Just told the name, or sent off in a direction with a picture of his target.
He didn’t say it, though. He felt that it would reveal itself over time. He would protect Kim Soleum as much as he could, just as Kim Soleum protected him. It was a comforting thing to be reassured that he mattered. Loyalty from him wasn’t hard to learn, it appeared.
Kim Soleum turned to leave. He was half-way through the door before stopping abruptly, his foot keeping the door from closing. He had a tray of coffee cups in his hands, so it was probably uncomfortable, but he remained.
“Have a good day too, Jay-ssi.” He lingered for only a moment more before vanishing. Not even his footsteps echoed.
The door closed with a small thud, and there was nothing more. J3 sat down in his seat. He finished eating the donut, and then eyed the box on his desk. He would just one more or two before taking a break.
It wasn’t his fault that Kim Soleum gave him a dozen donuts. It would be impolite not to eat them, wouldn’t it? J3 opened the box and took out a chocolate donut with rainbow sprinkles. He would devour the whole box before the sun set.
The mornings only grew colder. J3 shivered as he changed into his uniform and tugged on his boots. Even yesterday, Park Minseong had said that the week was supposed to be sunny and warm. J3 wasn’t so sure that the oddly heated week was actually working.
He walked to work, stopping by to see Park Minseong as they clocked in. J3 stood by Park Minseong until he was noticed.
Park Minseong turned around with his assignment in his hand. He jumped when he saw J3, and then calmed down after a second. He greeted him politely, and then asked, “What can I do for you?”
“The weather.” J3’s voice was gruff. Maybe it was even harsh.
J3 wouldn’t apologize. It was supposed to be hot. Why was he so cold, then, huh? Canines didn’t always do well in the heat, and they didn’t always do well in the cold, but surely there was an in-between that someone like J3 could find solace in.
Park Minseong yelped. It was a small, pitiful thing. “Oh! I see. Uhm…”
J3 stared as Park Minseong moved positions, walking to J3’s other side so that others could draw their lots. He looked anxious as ever, still not used to being part of a security group at Baekilmong. At least he wasn’t having problems down in the jail blocks again.
“It called for lots of sun.” Park Minseong explained it vaguely, as if he had learned about it secondhand. “I assume it's to do with the traffic being so chaotic. The drivers, mostly. They’re unprepared—too much snow, I assume.”
J3 frowned at Park Minseong’s assessment. There was snow, but now there was going to be a lot of sun? He supposed that it could be normal. It wasn’t like anything was normal in their lives. Additionally, with global warming, there had been some unusual weather patterns.
He nodded, accepting Park Minseong’s answer. He patted Park Minseong on the shoulder and passed him by, picking up his work slip. As he walked away, he passed an agent with a cockatiel mask who was carrying a pile of books and heading toward a break room. J3 had passed by them before. Normally, the agent was lounging in an office, reading books with Chinese titles.
CCTV room again. This was the seventh day in a row. An entire week was practically torture. J3’s mind was numb, bored to death. He bit his lip, hating that he was assigned something so weak. He was a sergeant. Usually, that meant he attended to other things.
He shook his head and shoved the assignment in his pocket. Park Minseong was ahead of him in the hallway, on his way to take the elevator to his own job. He seemed in good spirits. He smiled more nowadays, which was a difficult thing to do, even if the person had adjusted to their new life as a security team member.
He took his own way to work. He sat down in the CCTV room and wondered if Kim Soleum would show up again. He had shown up five days in a row. It made something flicker in J3’s chest. It was like a candle, something small but precious, that was trying to keep alive and not be blown out.
He made sure to check the monitors, switching out a couple that had never had issues. It would be fine. Nothing mattered here. This job was primarily for show, while also allowing employees from other floors to locate someone from security in cases of emergency.
J3 pulled on his cap, suddenly self-conscious. What if Kim Soleum did show up again today? He brushed his fingers through his hair. It was silly to think about what-ifs but he wanted to look like someone who managed to make a friend.
He gave up a few seconds later. His hair was just how it was. And when he thought about it, what good did it do to put on appearances? Kim Soleum liked him as he was. Kim Soleum still smiled at him every day without a care for if J3 didn’t fix his hair or try to seem more appealing to the eyes.
He flopped back in his seat. It was no-good to think about impressing someone. There was no one to impress, really. Kim Soleum liked him as he was. Kim Soleum even liked his beastly form. Why be worried that he wouldn’t like his human appearance as well?
His thinking was interrupted with the familiar staccato knock that Kim Soleum always did. J3 spun around in his chair. He was slower this time, taking in the fact that Kim Soleum truly showed up for the fifth day in a row.
He opened the door as Kim Soleum was knocking. The man was juggling the donut box and the tray of coffee as he had done before. J3 took the donut box without being told to. He would help Kim Soleum out early.
Kim Soleum looked surprised, his pupils wavering a little as J3 stood in front of him. J3 held the box in his hands, and then opened it toward Kim Soleum. Kim Soleum’s brow knitted in confusion.
“Yes…?”
“Do you want one?” asked J3, stepping forward slightly to show off the delectable dozen that Kim Soleum always got.
He chose the same donuts every day. J3 liked it since they always tasted so good. They were always fresh, still warm from the bakery where Kim Soleum obtained them. J3 opened the box with hope that Kim Soleum would take the one he favored most and then—
J3 hoped to learn that Kim Soleum’s favorite donut was. He liked all donuts; he hadn't met one he didn’t enjoy, so the variety was nice. However, he knew that Kim Soleum likely had a favorite one he would only ever eat on a cold morning, along with his coffee.
Kim Soleum’s eyes were wide, astonished by the question. He hesitantly looked down to the donut box, taking in the sight of the goods that he paid for time and time again.
His hands on the coffee tray became strained. His tongue peeked out from his teeth. He looked like he was enticed. J3’s heart pounded in his chest. He was going to learn something about Kim Soleum, something that many others likely did not know.
But then Kim Soleum shook his head. His eyes were still bright as he said, “No, I’m all good, Jay-ssi. They’re meant for you.”
J3 knew that the regular response would be to thank Kim Soleum. Thank you, sir, I’ll be sure to cherish them. Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for caring. Thank you so very much—
But he was a bit upset. His chest tightened and squeezed. Kim Soleum knew so much about him, didn’t he? Kim Soleum knew how he killed and how he cleaned. He was familiar with J3’s work schedule and knew how to recognize when he was especially tired. He knew J3’s favorite food.
Kim Soleum knew a great deal about him. Maybe not his personal history, or the things that others paid attention to, but it was the small things—it was the things that mattered to J3. There were only so many torches in this world, and Kim Soleum was involved in sparking them all.
Kim Soleum awkwardly smiled. It was endearing as always, but J3’s heart pitter-pattered strangely. He hated that there was distance between them. It was an insignificant distance, yet J3 couldn’t let it go.
Kim Soleum began to turn away, probably with a goodbye on his lips. J3 stepped forward. The donut box closed, and his eyes widened with desperation.
“What—” His voice was raised in his panic. He took a breath, swallowed down his anxiousness, and repeated in a normal tone, “What’s your favorite donut?”
Kim Soleum’s eyes were boggled at J3, like he didn’t comprehend the words. As if no one had ever asked him what his favorite food was before. J3 stared back, unrelenting. He wanted to know. Kim Soleum knew him, knew his small quirks. Wasn’t this a two-way street?
“My favorite donut?” Kim Soleum echoed the words strangely. He seemed to find this situation bizarre as a whole.
“Yes.” J3 waited patiently for a reply, his eyes fixed on the man with anxious anticipation. “What is your favorite?”
Kim Soleum shifted the tray in his hands, gripping it tightly as if he had been thrown off by the conversation. “I– I don’t know.”
His face was pale. J3 frowned as he observed Kim Soleum. The man’s face had gone white with his cheeks remaining pink, as if he were both ill and embarrassed. J3 didn’t mean to cause that reaction—he just wanted to learn more about this friend of his.
“I haven’t ever thought about it,” he admitted after a few long, silent moments.
Kim Soleum then laughed, a soft, light thing full of self-deprecation. He swallowed, his throat bobbing like he didn’t know what to say. J3 detested that Kim Soleum reacted like this. Why wouldn’t others want to learn about Kim Soleum?
After a few moments longer, in which they stared at each other in awkward silence, Kim Soleum cleared his throat. His eyes were shaking, a sign that he did not know how to interact with the variables in front of him. J3 was the same. But he was also in shock.
J3 was tempted to say, I want to know you better. Do others not feel the same? He needed to know why Kim Soleum wasn’t appreciated so that he could demand better of them. It was a fiery fury deep in his chest. Kim Soleum respected him, so why wasn’t Kim Soleum respected in turn by others?
“I don’t think I have a favorite,” Kim Soleum said at last. His words trembled just like his hands on the coffee tray.
J3 did not like it. He spoke up to say, “Have you tried any?”
“Of course, I have.” Kim Soleum’s reply was instantaneous, giving the appearance of a lie.
J3 would not push. He did not have room to judge. He spent his days at Baekilmong, locked in the lower floors, never looking outside or leaving the building, even when he was able to. It wasn’t like it was easy to change abruptly or try new things without someone supporting the endeavors.
Kim Soleum’s cheeks were pink, embarrassment causing his cheeks to heat up. He looked away from J3, not wanting to meet his golden gaze. J3 pursed his lips, unsure of how to redo part of this conversation. He never meant to make Kim Soleum look like that. He did not want to be the cause of this.
“I don’t have a favorite either,” he blurted after the room became too tense from the silence.
Kim Soleum’s wide, shaking eyes focused on him, his pupils a pinpoint compared to his irises. “You don’t?”
J3 nodded. He expected Kim Soleum to have a favorite, but that was a double standard. Even if they didn’t have a favorite type of donut for different reasons, they were still experiencing it together.
“I like them all.” J3’s throat felt tight, not constricting, but just odd. Peculiar. Like there was a lump that wouldn’t be easily swallowed down. “I can’t choose a favorite if they’re all delicious.”
What he did worked. Kim Soleum began to laugh—it was a light but hearty thing, low and bright. It didn’t sound like any laugh that J3 had heard before. It was more reckless and free, like a child playing in a park without any worry about the world.
Kim Soleum’s laugh tampered down. His eyes were shiny and wet, like he had laughed too hard. He smiled at J3 when he turned to the door, catching J3’s gaze as he went.
“I’ll try to have a favorite.” He opened the door with his elbow, and then added, “You’ll be the first to know, alright?”
They shared a secretive smile. As Kim Soleum left, his lips curled and his eyes bright, J3 felt warm. He lifted his hand, waving goodbye even after the door had closed. He had successfully made it past an awkward conversation while keeping a relationship intact.
He patted himself on the back inwardly, moving to his seat to prepare to watch the monitors for the rest of the day. He couldn’t wait to be put on a different duty.
The next day came. Kim Soleum brought a dozen donuts and a tray of coffee. He left the donuts but took the coffee. He did not say what his favorite donut was—J3 didn’t expect him to have an answer so soon, yet he was disappointed anyway.
The days continued to pass. J3 waited anxiously, believing that Kim Soleum would tell him if given enough time. He never did say anything, though. Once a week had passed since the promise, J3 supposed that Kim Soleum forgot about it. It wouldn’t be strange to slip up on something, after all, since the field agent surely had other things to worry about.
But the pit in J3’s stomach never went away. It made him feel uneasy, and a flicker of despair filled his mind. What if…
What if he wasn’t as close with Kim Soleum as he believed? He had invested his time in Kim Soleum, and he didn’t regret it, but did he put too much emotion into their relationship as well? Were they not friends like he believed?
No… They had to be. What else was friendship if not this?
“Will you join me?” His voice was desperate, and he couldn’t stop it from being so.
J3 faced Kim Soleum, who was holding those stupid coffees in his hands. His face turned blank, like he couldn’t believe what J3 had just asked. His eyes then widened and his lips parted in surprise.
“J– Join you?” asked Kim Soleum.
“Pick your favorite donut and eat it with me before you go,” clarified J3.
He wanted to strengthen their bond. It felt like it was dissipating even though Kim Soleum kept showing up every morning. The same dozen donuts were presented to him every day. J3 was thankful for it, but it now felt false.
It felt transactional. Kim Soleum gave him donuts as a way to strengthen their bond, rather than actually spend time together. J3 could handle that. He had saved people whom he didn’t even know at all. Yet, he was selfish.
He was greedy as he looked at Kim Soleum with reverence, hoping that he would reveal secrets to him. J3 waited with bated breath, staring at the man, taking in his surprise. Kim Soleum swallowed, and jostled the tray in his hands awkwardly.
“I mean— I guess I can…?” He stepped forward, his feet hesitant and his voice slightly trembling.
J3 readily showed Kim Soleum where to sit in a chair that matched his own. Kim Soleum set down the tray of coffees next to the donut box, and looked at J3 with curiosity, like he was trying to figure out what was going through his mind.
The light-haired man smiled when Kim Soleum relaxed into the chair, adjusting to the plushness. J3 would bet that Kim Soleum did not have these nice of chairs in the D-squad office.
J3 had to retrieve the new chair from storage earlier. It was a pain to get it into the CCTV room. Nice, comfortable chairs were always being fought over. Not many existed in the lower floors of Baekilmong, after all, and even on the upper floors, all the good office chairs were allocated to the elite teams or section chiefs.
But hey, at least he ran into Park Minseong while he was sorting through a closet on B1, and learned that the weather was still supposed to be sweltering. “Very hot, very sunny, was what it said.” Park Minseong chuckled as he talked about it. “Honestly, I think it’s just being a little shit cause of the snow outside.”
J3 was confused about how there could still be snow, considering how hot it had been recently, but he also didn’t check in with Park Minseong every day. Perhaps it snowed more on the days he was too busy to chat with the guy.
Maybe J3 would finally go out at night, and while doing so, buy a dozen of Kim Soleum’s favorite donuts. All he needed to know was what Kim Soleum’s favorite donut was.
“Are you sure you want to…?” Kim Soleum’s voice sounded strained, but J3 could tell that it was from feeling embarrassed. He never thought this would happen, probably. He was unprepared to bond.
J3 sat in his own chair, sliding closer across the floor with the help of the wheels. He opened the box and then looked up at Kim Soleum. “Yes. Which one do you want?”
Kim Soleum’s lips thinned as he looked at J3’s face. He was thinking hard, his mind whirling as he glanced between J3 and the open box of donuts. His pupils were round and large, staring at the donuts like they were both enticing yet frightening.
“Uhm, I don’t know.” Kim Soleum smiled nervously. “You choose,” he suggested.
J3 was going to riot. Maybe he would lose control and let the beast take over. Maybe then Kim Soleum would look at him and choose what to do. He wanted to learn more, not give Kim Soleum whatever he thought he could like.
“Do you not have a favorite yet?” he asked.
Was that why Kim Soleum hadn’t said anything? J3 thought that enough time had been given, over a week, maybe even closer to two. There had to be something, didn’t there? Kim Soleum went to a bakery every morning to pick up the donuts. He has the opportunity to find out what his favorite was.
Kim Soleum shrugged, brushing it off like it didn’t matter. “I– I guess I don’t,” he said, voice soft and slow, all hesitant eyes and tense shoulders.
J3 was glad that his expression didn’t change often. He felt a storm of emotions inside, enough to make him feel like he was being beaten from the inside out at times, but no one would ever be able to tell.
He was stuck on this stupid question for no reason. He felt so dumb. Why weren’t more things happening? J3 shouldn’t be asking about one question over and over. How many other things could he learn about Kim Soleum if he stopped lingering over this one?
J3 looked at the donuts that Kim Soleum could choose from. The variety remained the same. J3 liked it. He wondered if this batch was cheaper or if this was just a normal sample to pick up. It didn’t matter how Kim Soleum obtained it; just the thought mattered to him.
He wanted to put those same thoughts toward Kim Soleum. He scanned over the different donuts, his eyes stopping at one of the simplest donuts there. A pink glazed donut. It was a donut that J3 liked for its colorful presence, along with its sprinkles.
J3 picked it up and handed it over to Kim Soleum. He accepted it into his hands, and then stayed like that, waiting. J3 was confused—why was Kim Soleum not trying it?
“Aren’t you going to eat one as well?” Kim Soleum asked, looking at him expectantly.
J3 felt like he had been accidentally slow on the uptake. He grabbed the closest donut to his hand, biting a chunk out of it without even glancing at what it was. He tasted sugar on his tongue as he bit through the soft, airy dough.
Kim Soleum smiled, and then took a bite from his own donut. Sprinkles fell down his shirt, and some drifted into his lap. He brushed them away, clearly unused to eating donuts. J3 was reminded that Kim Soleum didn’t know what his favorite one would be.
Kim Soleum then released a small ah. He took out a coffee from the tray, and aimed it toward J3. He blinked at it, and then accepted it once Kim Soleum looked at him long enough. Kim Soleum then took out a coffee for himself.
“A full breakfast shared together,” declared Kim Soleum, sounding happier than he had ever been in their conversations.
His entire presence was warm, causing J3’s heart to settle down. His chest wasn’t so tight anymore. Kim Soleum wouldn’t be so casual about this if they weren’t considered friends. J3 overthought some things; that was all.
He took a sip from the coffee provided. He couldn’t tell what was in it, but it wasn’t a plain cup of coffee, so he supposed that was all he needed to know. He then prepared to take another bite from his donut. He glanced down at it. It was a plain glazed donut, the one that never looked like much, but was a classic that couldn’t be thrown away.
He took a bite and then glanced at Kim Soleum, who was sipping on his coffee while looking quite pleased with himself. J3 felt his lips curl just the slightest. Kim Soleum enjoyed this, and he was enjoying it as well. It felt comfortable in the room.
Before Kim Soleum took another bite, he said, “These taste really good.” He glanced down at his coffee. “It must be because it's so cold outside. The warmth just makes it better.”
J3 frowned a little. “It’s cold outside?” Didn’t Park Minseong say that it was supposed to be hot?
“Yes, of course it is.” Kim Soleum laughed gently, the sound so soft that J3 wasn’t sure if it could be considered a laugh. “I’m considering getting a thicker coat.”
It made J3 frown. He took another bite, and chewed as he thought over Kim Soleum’s words. Could it be he was just misunderstanding things? Park Minseong could be wrong, as well. He didn’t have much access to the outside world. Perhaps he was mishearing the weather reports.
“I wish Hello Traffic’s weather forecast was true…” Kim Soleum sighed wistfully, and then took a bite from his donut, not noticing the way J3’s brow furrowed.
Kim Soleum caught onto J3’s confusion. He quickly chewed, and then explained, “It’s a Darkness Supervisor Park used to care for. D-squad’s been watching it over for him. It keeps telling us it’ll be sunny. As if.”
Park Minseong used to look after a Darkness—that made sense when he thought about it. With promotions came more duties, particularly routine check-ins with Darknesses. Park Minseong was at a level where he would have at least one Darkness to look after.
Kim Soleum continued, “Hello Traffic Info is what it's called. It doesn’t tend to do too much harm. It rattles off incorrect information for the most part.”
“Incorrect information, such as saying it’ll be sunny when it’s actually very cold,” surmised J3.
Memories of his past conversations with Park Minseong popped up in his mind. Things made more sense all of a sudden. Park Minseong mentioned that it would be sunny just as much as he mentioned the snow. He was referring to Hello Traffic’s forecast, and then comparing it to the actual weather.
“Yes,” confirmed Kim Soleum. He sipped his coffee again. “I’ve been updating Supervisor Park about it every few days. I’m not sure if that’s for the best, but I like to think it brings some normalcy.”
“He appreciates it.” J3 wasn’t sure why he said it, but it felt right.
Park Minseong always smiled when he gave off the weather report. He must have assumed that J3 knew about Hello Traffic Info, and was asking after it. It sounded like a mishap, but that only made J3 wonder if he appeared to be so close to Kim Soleum that Park Minseong simply assumed that he would know about the Darkness.
J3 finished his donut, his ambience bright and filled with flowers. He started on a second donut as Kim Soleum continued to drink his coffee. He didn’t immediately leave, which was a nice gesture. J3 liked having company that enjoyed his presence; a company that didn’t fear him or cause him to fear them.
It was only after they were both done with their coffees that Kim Soleum stood up. He picked up his tray of two coffee cups remaining, and then set one on J3’s table. “For later,” he said, lips quirked up into a smile.
J3 didn’t have time to say thank you before Kim Soleum was out the door, a coffee in hand, and his satchel held close to his side. J3 felt like a whirlwind or a storm had passed him by.
He sat there, the only signs of ever having company lingering around him. The chair next to him stopped spinning, and the trash left behind was minimal, so he put it in a bin that was emptied only once a month.
It somehow became normal to start eating breakfast together. J3 learned that he needed confidence and spirit if he was going to grow closer to someone who did not reside on the lower floors of Baekilmong.
Kim Soleum seemed uncomfortable stretching the limits of their friendship himself, so it was J3 who needed to initiate any changes. It was strange to do so—he was never the outgoing type, not even when he was mostly human.
J3 would invite Kim Soleum to eat with him when the field agent showed up in the morning with a box of donuts and a tray of coffees in his hands. Every time, Kim Soleum would look surprised, as if J3 hadn’t been doing this routinely in an attempt to learn more
about this man who did not have any wary thoughts of him.
“You really don’t have to,” Kim Soleum would say as J3 opened the donut box in front of him.
J3 would hum noncommittally at the man, thinking, “I want to.”
Kim Soleum would give in, sometimes grumbling about pleading puppy dog eyes that J3 knew were a reference to him. Kim Soleum never made analogies from a bad place in his heart. It was from a teasing aspect, something kind and innocent. There wasn’t cruelty in his eyes; he was too young and naive for that.
He would give in every time, even if he wore a wary smile the entire time. Sometimes he would offer J3 a coffee, and other times, he would leave it on the table untouched until he needed to leave. J3 enjoyed their shared meal every time, despite Kim Soleum’s need to leave within a few minutes.
What drove J3 nuts was spending so much time in the CCTV room. This wasn’t a regular assignment for him. Yes, he was a security guard, but they did not usually stay in one place for such a long time.
Yet, since J3 got to see Kim Soleum so often, he did not complain about it. So what if he was bored? He could spend time elsewhere, away from any resemblance of companionship. He preferred this over that.
He was going to be bored no matter what assignment he was given. At least here, Kim Soleum visited him in the morning. It wasn’t a large surprise as to why he stuck around. Anyone who met Kim Soleum would have wanted to spend more time in his company, surely.
He learned a little about Kim Soleum through their daily shared breakfast. J3 paid more attention to the details than he should. Would he have cared so much if it were anyone else? Probably not.
He learned that Kim Soleum hated horror movies, though J3 had no idea how, seeing as his daily life as a field agent was more terrifying than any fictional representation could be. J3 thought that it could have been the subpar effects and plot that were off-putting to Kim Soleum.
Kim Soleum preferred to have any dipping sauces on the side, and he hated having sticky fingers. He didn’t mind the sight of blood as long as it was his own, but he detested any parades that involved intestines or guts. He hated doing his hair, but he also liked keeping a neat appearance.
Once, Kim Soleum mentioned a television series that J3 had never heard of. It was clearly an accident, as Kim Soleum quickly brushed it over. His cheeks were pink in embarrassment. He did not mean to say anything about what he watched, and J3 soon learned why.
J3 didn’t use the internet much, if he was being honest. He didn’t see the need to when he could just ask someone for the information instead. When he saw Park Minseong in the morning, both of them collecting their assignments once again, J3 decided why not ask him about it?
J3 was blunt as he approached the security team member. There was no reason not to. Kim Soleum trusted both of them. Yet, after J3 revealed the show Kim Soleum watched, Park Minseong was taken aback.
“Roe watches that show, really?” Park Minseong seemed flabbergasted, eyes squinted in confusion. “That’s… That’s something. I guess we all cope in different ways.”
“What’s wrong with it?” J3 asked, feeling a fierce protective fire light within his chest.
“Well, it’s just— A bit odd, you know.” Park Minseong paused, realizing that J3 did not, indeed, know. “For a person his age,” continued Park Minseong, “to be watching a cartoon meant for children.”
J3 scratched the side of his head. It didn’t seem strange to him. He frowned at Park Minseong, but shook his head before he pointed anything out. Maybe Kim Soleum was seen as mature. He was assigned to D-squad, which was on its way to being seen as an Elite squad.
“I figured he was doing better, that he was adjusting.” Park Minseong sighed tiredly. “I should’ve looked after him a bit more. He may be great at his job, but he’s still a rookie at the end of the day.”
J3 pursed his lips and turned away. Rookies surprised superiors all the time. It wasn’t too strange a thing to be beaten by them since they were younger and faster, as they tended not to have the weight and trauma weighing them down. Some people understood Darkness in ways that others would never learn.
J3 shook his head, letting Park Minseong pass him by. He didn’t ask after the weather, now that he knew that Park Minseong would tell him incorrect information that came from Hello Traffic.
The day was like any other, truly. J3 went to the CCTV room. He was becoming well acquainted with the chair. Thankfully, it never warped or became unruly. It was as comfortable as ever. J3 was surprised because he knew that he could be rough on items without meaning to be.
The day began to pass at the snail’s pace that it always did. J3 knew what time Kim Soleum would be here—the man always showed up at exactly 8:43 A.M. with a fresh box of donuts and four piping hot coffees in a tray.
As the minutes ebbed closer and closer, J3 found his foot tapping on the floor. Excitement weighed on him, making him nervous. It was an ordinary day like any other. He understood that Kim Soleum was just acting his age. There was nothing strange about how Kim Soleum performed or how J3 reacted to it either.
J3’s fingers began to tick on the arm of the chair. His nails hit the hard plastic, the tip-tapping sound grating on his ears. He wanted to go outside to meet Kim Soleum, oddly enough. What if he went up to the lobby? Then Kim Soleum wouldn’t have to come to the lower levels.
J3 wasn’t sure why he felt so anxious. It was out of character for him. Was it because he had shown his colors—he knew so much about Kim Soleum, and Kim Soleum had learned about him. The meals they shared, their memories, their pasts, it was all out in the open.
Well, that was a bit of a lie. J3 didn’t talk about himself much at all. He preferred to listen and gain insight into others. He wanted to know more about this person who earned his respect. Kim Soleum never pried, not unless J3 offered it.
Kim Soleum was nice in that way. His eyes were always alight with knowledge, but he refrained from asking personal questions to gain a deeper understanding. He would wait for the other person to answer when they were ready, when they felt safe and secure, and when they were willing to share the knowledge with others.
It was his face, J3 realized with a small chuckle. Kim Soleum’s face was full of boyish innocence, even if he tried to look serious all of the time. His actions spoke loudly as well, as he did not lie about his ways. He was just that good of a person.
He didn’t become a field agent for money, but the points might have something to do with it. No one would blame him for it. No one at Baekilmong presided there for good reasons or blessed intentions. They were not benevolent with what they did. They acted this way with a cause in mind.
J3’s nails ticked against the seat. His gaze narrowed at the monitors as he decided what to do—and then he was gone. He sat up swiftly, exiting the room with a quick turn. The door closed behind him loudly as he ventured down the hall, on the way to the elevator.
He waited patiently as the elevator sailed down from F8. His arms were not crossed out of anxiousness, though his fingers did tap against his thigh as he watched the monitor of the numbers go down, down, down until it reached the basement levels.
He pressed for the ground floor, smiling just a little to himself as he thought about seeing Kim Soleum. It had been a long while since he had seen the sun anyway. This was just an excuse to check out the weather. It would be spring by now, wouldn’t it? Maybe even early summer if J3 had found himself passing the time too quickly.
The elevator went up without stopping, and no one else on the lower levels joined. The ding of the elevator filled his ears for a moment before he stepped out.
Field agents allowed him to pass before filing into the empty room, all of them heading to their offices on the upper floors. Their dress shoes gave them away as lower-ranked agents. J3 couldn’t forget that. It was impossible to forget the small moments he recalled from his past as a leader.
It was the past. Everything was in the past. He didn’t react outwardly. He didn’t even grind his teeth. There would be no point—he already knew what was to come from this. It’s why he didn’t venture from the lower floors often. He was assaulted with memories whenever he met with others who were alive and well.
He could practically smell the fresh, crisp air. His steps quickened in pace in excitement. He would be able to greet Kim Soleum this time around. He couldn’t step outside, but J3 would wait in the lobby with the knowledge that the sun was shining brightly within his reach.
Yet, as he stood in the lobby, his security guard uniform causing others to nod in his direction with a slight wariness in their gestures, he realized that something was amiss.
Field agents wore suits, often wore impractical dress shoes, and occasionally carried briefcases. Kim Soleum was one of them, though he substituted the briefcase for a satchel over his shoulder. The other employees of Baekilmong were different, though. They wore boots, and not the fashion kind with tall, thin heels, or even the ones that went up to their knees. They were snow boots, with bits of ice stuck to the sides as the rest of the snow atop them melted.
He mumbled to himself, “Strange.”
It was so strange for people to be bundled in coats when the weather should be nice. It should have been long past winter by now. Why wear thick coats and shoes meant for walking on snow or ice?
J3’s shoulders tensed as he sniffed the air, searching for an answer. He wanted to learn the truth even if he wasn’t allowed to see it. He was no longer muddled with hope or the dreams of seeing the sun shining brightly. No spring had come; the seasons hadn’t passed at all.
It was still winter. J3 faintly wondered if it was still around New Year's, even.
He looked around, observing the company's employees with a new perspective. This was not wholly unprecedented. This was something that happened, just as losing time could. Darkness was involved, and he already had a faint inkling as to what it was.
Baekilmong held many different Darknesses in its possession. Routinely needing upkeep, employees who survived until they were promoted to supervisor took on low-ranked Darknesses. And it appeared that one in particular was not quelled in time.
J3 turned back to the elevator. It would be easy to fix what had happened. He had entered worse Darkness with higher grades, than the one that was currently warping time around him. He wanted a donut to chew on as he thought about how to deal with this issue.
Or perhaps he was thinking of someone who was adept at solving Darkness situations.
Kim Soleum entered the building with no large buildup. He carried the donuts and tray of coffee as he did every day—or perhaps, to Kim Soleum, this was his first time carrying both things. It was only J3 who recollected so many incidents.
He wiped his shoes off well on the mats by the entrance. His nose was slightly pink, the cold from the outside was the reason for causing him chills. Kim Soleum did not wear a thick coat, yet he did not seem too affected by the weather. J3 wondered if carrying hot goods helped keep him warm.
J3 stared, locked in on his target. He did not ease his look or suddenly decide that he was interested in something else. He focused on Kim Soleum with a melancholic heart beating in his chest. A bitter taste lingered on his tongue.
Kim Soleum jumped in place when he noticed J3. He seemed to wiggle his hand, as if thinking about waving at the security guard, but did not since he couldn’t free himself without feeling like something would come crashing down.
J3 walked up, saving Kim Soleum the trouble. He grabbed the tray of drinks, as they were more accessible for him to hold.
“Oh– Good morning, Jay-ssi.” Kim Soleum’s eyes were full of confusion, but unexpected surprise and glee as well. “Thank you for helping me.” He bowed his head slightly.
J3 hummed as they walked toward the elevator. Kim Soleum called for it, but did not stare at the screen telling what floor the elevator was at. He looked at J3, intently focused on the golden-eyed man.
The elevator popped open just as J3 was wondering if he was going to spill everything, leaving it all out for Kim Soleum to process. J3 felt guilt as he looked at Kim Soleum—his friend whom he grew close to over months of bonding—only to realize it was a one-sided affair.
J3 knew a great deal about Kim Soleum, yet Kim Soleum would not have known much about him. Kim Soleum was just being kind and considerate, accepting the relaxed way that J3 acted around him. It felt idiotic now that J3 looked back on it.
There were many signs, and all of them J3 ignored so that he could be bored and at peace on his own. J3 felt like this was as good a time as ever to apologize. He opened his mouth, parting his lips to work out a way to explain himself, but then the elevator opened.
“Shall we?” Kim Soleum said, his lips turned into a hesitant yet friendly smile.
J3 did not want to disappoint him any further, so he nodded his head and stepped inside. Kim Soleum tilted his head toward J3 once they were both in, and asked, “What floor?”
J3 blinked, automatically assuming they would go to F13 to let Kim Soleum attend work on time. He thought it over for a moment as the elevator doors closed. He turned to Kim Soleum, leaning forward slightly, allowing his hair to escape from his cap.
“Do you have an urgent meeting to attend?” J3 asked it as a way to give Kim Soleum an out.
He already knew that Kim Soleum did not need to go anywhere. The man’s plan was to initially go to the lower levels and bring J3 a box of donuts. It was a kind gesture, something that J3 grew accustomed to. He could practically feel the texture of the dough between his teeth.
“I do not.” Kim Soleum looked at J3 with caution. “Do you have somewhere to be?”
J3 would not lie. “I do.”
Kim Soleum’s amusement faded from his eyes. He nodded, his expression pinched. He was disappointed, but did not dare say so. J3 focused on the elevator buttons, still untouched.
J3 continued, “I am in need of assistance.” He glanced at Kim Soleum out of the corner of his eye.
Kim Soleum perked up. He shifted on his feet, the donuts inside the box rustling, and asked, “What for, Jay-ssi?”
“Darkness.” J3 took a breath as he recited the identification code that Baekilmong assigned it many years ago. “Qterw-C-888.”
Kim Soleum’s eyes widened. J3 wasn’t sure how the rookie recognized the code so quickly, but he supposed that any good boss would warn their squad members about the time-warping Darkness that existed under Baekilmong’s guard.
“You mean to say that a time loop has occurred.” Kim Soleum swallowed roughly, his grip on the donut box rattling. His shocked gaze cleared, and he turned to J3 with attentive eyes. “Jay-ssi must have a way to fix it quickly, then.”
If Kim Soleum were aware of Qterw-C-888, then he would also have been aware of the manual guidelines. J3 hummed as he thought about it. They were both at the level of elites. Even if Kim Soleum was merely a D-squad, he could have ranked up if he wanted. J3 had been the B-squad leader. They were both qualified to enter a C-class Darkness.
Since Kim Soleum did not run away, and he pressed the button for a lower floor, he must be prepared for what was going to happen. J3 smiled to himself, something small and thin, barely there, as light and quiet as the breeze.
“Jay-ssi would be willing to solve it with me?” Kim Soleum didn’t exactly say it as a question. It was more of a conclusion he had come to.
J3 nodded either way. The tray of coffee in his hands felt cold in comparison to the warmth he felt in his chest. Kim Soleum must be aware by now that J3 was the person selected to be aware of the time loop, and he had chosen the person he trusted most to help him clear it.
Qterw-C-888 was not a difficult Darkness. It only required a few things to clear it. Perhaps because of that, it was deemed safe to hold in Baekilmong. Kim Soleum was the person whom J3 trusted most—not only with his life, with the flesh he wore, but with his soul. He was not looked down upon.
J3 let himself become captured in the winding binds. They were invisible, but they weren’t constricting. Kim Soleum had no idea that he had placed them there, or that J3 willingly spun around in them, furthering the tie until it became knotted.
It was too messy by now. Kim Soleum wouldn’t be able to untangle it. J3 didn’t want him to.
The elevator doors opened and they stepped out, a bundled bunch pulled together for the best of things at the worst of times. They left the coffee and donuts behind in a lounge room, knowing that employees would gladly eat them up.
Qterw-C-888 was a simple Darkness to complete once the way to clear it was known. It got attached to a person in its vicinity by random chance, and only that person would be aware of the ongoing time loop.
Since J3 already knew where Qterw-C-888 was contained, it was easy to find the center of the time loop. Most others who were caught in it before, would spend months or years trying to find the epicenter of it, and capture the creature that escaped its cage.
Somehow, his hand had found Kim Soleum’s. He led them to the back of the halls, to where only a few of the dangerous Darknesses were kept. J3’s stomach did not churn, but he wondered if he were human, it would have.
Kim Soleum followed his steps, unflinching in the face of what was happening. There was another factor to Qterw-C-888, dubbed the Infinite Darkness, that was the key to solving it with little to no dangerous factors: trust.
The person aware of the time loop had to entrust another person with their memories of what had occurred. That person would live through those days, meaning Kim Soleum would experience everything J3 experienced.
Sometimes, one or both of the participants to clear the Darkness would go mad. It had taken years to escape the time loop in precious cases, and people always did desperate and deranged things when hope was lost.
J3 would not trust anyone else in this scenario, and he was lucky not to be aware of the time loop, as well as know how to trigger it back into the confines of its cell. As they walked, Kim Soleum’s palm was warm in his, and they continued to trudge on until the light turned into dark, and that darkness turned into black.
In a room without any windows, there was a fuzzy creature. A black ball of terror and love, begging to learn more about the world, and understand those who lived within it. It was the anxiety and curiosity of all living things.
When J3 opened the door, the Darkness jumped, its tail snapping against the floor. It almost seemed to shrink in size as J3 and Kim Soleum entered the room, closing the door behind them.
Kim Soleum took back his hand, his eyes on J3. The security guard only said, “Go ahead.”
He bit his lip, eyes wavering. Kim Soleum stared into that golden gaze, and then he sucked in a breath. He stepped forward as a hissing sound made itself known.
Just by petting the Darkness, would it transfer the memories? It would happen in the blink of an eye. J3 was prepared to catch Kim Soleum’s body if need be—he knew that the backlash could throw a person into unconsciousness.
The creature moved into the corner, growling, as if it couldn’t escape the room. And it was true. It always remained in place as long as the time loop was ongoing. The Darkness was only ever free to explore the world when it had not chosen someone as its epicenter.
Kim Soleum bent down, and with his arm outstretched as no fear appeared on his face, he patted in between the ears of the Darkness. The creature ceased growing, instead choosing to tremble before it fell to the floor, drifting off to sleep.
When Kim Soleum stood up, his eyes were overcast. J3 wondered how his memories appeared to the man who was unwittingly pitted against him. It was unclear if emotions also transferred—if so, did Kim Soleum feel the happiness that J3 felt every time the field agent visited him in the morning?
J3 was nervous, though his aloof face did not give away that. He looked at Kim Soleum with no expectations. He would not look into their relationship any deeper than need be. Yet, Kim Soleum walked closer to him.
And then he smiled, though it was small, and probably a little hesitant too. Kim Soleum bumped shoulders with him and said, “We should make it a thing. At least once a week.”
J3 did not need to be told what the thing was. It was their shared breakfast, two coffees and a dozen donuts. Though eleven of those donuts were for J3 alone.
“The donut and coffee thing,” Kim Soleum clarified after a moment. “I would like to do that with you.”
J3 accepted it. Why wouldn’t he? It was considered a normal day to him if Kim Soleum showed up at work and brought him donuts. If anything, the idea of it not happening daily now made him feel lost.
He greedily went along with something that was too good to be true. He turned to the door, opening it for Kim Soleum. The field agent walked through, but turned around to look at J3 before he walked too far. J3 stepped forward, catching up, letting the Darkness inside rest before it chose its next victim in a couple of years.
They entered the elevator, not bothering to check the employee lounge. If the coffees and donuts were not already claimed, then it wouldn’t be long before they were gone anyway.
As Kim Soleum pressed the button for F13, he said, “Thanks for the Dream Essence.”
J3 had forgotten that Kim Soleum could collect any. He grunted back, not moving away as the floor numbers went up.
Kim Soleum exited when the elevator doors opened. J3 did not wave; he saw no need to. He would see Kim Soleum again soon, and this time, Kim Soleum would remember their conversation as well.
The doors closed, and J3 pressed for the basement levels of Baekilmong. He felt like he was breathing in new air; it was crisp and fresh like it had never been before.
When he was walking through the halls of Baekilmong, he was met with the news of something extremely unfortunate. J3 spotted Park Minseong in his security uniform. The man’s hands were shaking by his sides, like he had received unexpected news.
Park Minseong was there in his security uniform, his eyes bloodshot and his skin pale, making him look ill.
“Roe died in action, they say.” Park Minseong’s voice wavered as he spoke. “He’s technically classified as MIA, but we all know what that really means. He’s… He’s gone.”
J3 couldn’t even blink from the news. He was too shocked to do anything. He was frozen in place, his eyes dimming by the second, a fogginess overtaking his vision, making the entire world appear monotone and blurred.
An intrusive thought popped into his head. "I shouldn’t have gotten rid of the time loop." If Qterw-C-888 was still running its course, then Kim Soleum would be here, a box of donuts and a tray of coffees in his hands.
J3 snatched his assignment from the list and headed to his post for the day. It all felt unreal. He did not want to be a security guard as he stood there, protecting the secrets and information for a company that had killed so many.
He received reports and details over the following days. Kim Soleum disappeared while on a train to Tamra. He ran into a Darkness there, one that he succeeded in clearing. Something happened after—something that caused another shining rookie to need mandatory time in Fox Counseling, and the elite field agents that went with him knew nothing about it either.
J3 fixed the cap on his head, covering his abnormally golden gaze as he prepared to exit the building. He used the elevator to go up to the lobby, and then he left out through the doors he didn’t often cross.
The moon was bright above him, reflecting the shining light of a star he could not see. He had to get to the train; he had somebody to find.
