Chapter Text
Min-su hadn’t slept in 42 hours.
Every time he shut his eyes, her face was waiting, etched behind his eyelids like a curse. That final expression. The blood and those so called “doll eyes”.
But now… even with his eyes wide open, bloodshot and burning, she was still there, right in front of him. Not a trick of lights or sone twisted dream. Just her.
“…Semi?”
No way. This wasn’t real. How the hell was she here? In his apartment?
She looked the same— same eyes, same piercings, same messy hair like no time had passed. Except now she was drenched in blood. Clothes soaked through. Face streaked red like someone wiped it on with their bare hands.
She was smiling… not manic, not twisted or wrong. She looked beautiful. Almost radiant. Like she doesn't remember the blood. Like she’s still alive, her hand was reaching for his. Gentle, inviting, like she forgave him. Like she was still waiting to be chosen.
It felt like Mingle all over again, frozen, staring, choosing too fastly and riskily.
Maybe if he’d picked her back then, if he hadn’t hesitated. If he’d been more of a man. Maybe she wouldn’t have died.
Maybe she isn't dead?
No.
Fuck.
Fuck— snap out of it.
Minsu gave a weak shake of his head, like that alone could knock the crazy out. He dragged both hands down his face, over his eyes, nose and mouth until his skin felt raw. Didn’t help. The room still looked weird. Like it was too sharp around the edges. He blinked hard, then reached for his phone with shaky hands. Maybe this was just a crash. Maybe he was hallucinating. Or just fucking tweaking.
He needed to get over it. People die, get born. That’s just what humans do. So why was he still clinging to someone he barely knew? Someone who was in his life for just three damn days?
On the other hand, how was Minsu even supposed to forget someone like that? That face, that voice, the way Semi looked at him like he was something worth holding onto. No one had ever looked at him like that, not before the games. For 27 years he was almost invisible— ignored, passed over, nothing. No close people, only so called ‘friends’.
And then, just when it felt like someone finally saw him and gave a shit It was ripped away. Gone. Like it never meant anything at all.
Okay, getting over it clearly wasn’t happening.
But numbing it? Burying it? That was still on the table. Drugs, maybe an Electroconvulsive therapy if he really lost it, though yeah, screw that. He wasn’t that desperate. Yet.
Drugs. Yeah… maybe that’s what he needed.
He remembered the pill he’d stolen from Namgyu once. That thing hit. For a few hours, he felt great, floaty invincible, actually happy for once. The kind of happy that made you forget everything else.
The problem was, where the hell was someone supposed to get drugs? Minsu didn’t know any dealers he’d never bought anything himself. He couldn’t even order at at an resturant.
All he had was Namgyu’s number
Minsu stared at the contact. Just sitting there waiting. He hadn’t messaged him since the games. Didn’t want to. But now it was the only thing his brain could land on.
Namgyu gave him the number right after everything ended. Said it was because they were the only ones in the group that made it out alive, and that he’d be really sad if they just disappeared from each other’s lives.
Minsu hadn’t replied then, just nodded. He figured Namgyu was probably high out of his mind when he said it anyway.
He hated him, really hated him. The kind of hate that sat behind your ribs and didn’t move. But right now? He needed something just enough to drown it all out. To forget her face. Forget the way her eyes stayed with him even when he was awake. He didn’t want to feel anything. Not tonight.
Just one message. Just one pill.
Minsu kept typing, then deleting, then typing again. Nothing sounded right. Maybe something simple? “Are you free?” No. That sounded like a date. Like he was asking to hang out or something.
It shouldn’t be this hard. Just send the message, get one pill, go home and disappear for a few hours. Stop thinking. That was the whole plan. So why the hell did it feel like his fingers were stuck?
Minsu 23:26
hi
Minsu 23:26
its minfu
Minsu 23:26
*minsu
Minsu 23:27
sorry
Okay yeah that was fine. A little typo sure, nothing tragic. Not like he spammed or anything. Just… three messages. Four, technically. But who’s counting? It wasn’t desperate. It was casual. Chill. Normal people did that. Probably.
Who knows, maybe Namgyu wouldn’t even see it. Maybe he should delete it. It’s not too late to delete it, right? Right??
Minsu’s thumb hovered over the screen, heart pounding like he was about to launch a missile instead of send a text. Then the typing bubbles popped up. Three dots. Minsu immediately locked his phone. Then unlocked it. Then locked it again.
Namgyu 23:27
tf do u want
Okay rude. Whatever it doesn’t matter, just type what you need. It’s not that deep.
Minsu 23:27
um do u still have that pill the one from ur cross thing
Minsu 23:28
idk where to get that stuff
Minsu 23:28
please i will pay u just one
Shit, he sounded so desperate. Its fine… Just this once. He’ll get the drugs, block Namgyu, delete the number, and go back to his normal sad life.
Namgyu 23:34
aw look at you becoming a lil junkie
Namgyu 23:34
fine come over i dont have any better shit to do
ill give u my address
Okay… that wasn’t a total disaster. Could’ve been worse. Namgyu lived close anyway, twenty minutes tops. Not ideal, but doable. He could use a walk anyways. Kinda weird that Namgyu would agree so easily though.
Minsu threw on a random t-shirt and sweatpants, even though it was summer he never liked shorts. He stepped outside and started walking, keeping his head low, avoiding eye contact.
He was halfway across the bridge when he saw her. Just standing there on the other side of the railing. Staring straight at him. Minsu froze, literally mid-step. His brain didn’t even register how long he stood there. She wasn’t moving or waving. Not saying anything. Just… watching.
He dropped his gaze to the pavement immediately, heart slamming in his chest. Yeah, no. Not dealing with that shit right now. He started to feel nauseas again. It hit hard this time, and for a second he thought he might actually throw up. But he kept walking.
A few minutes later Minsu was standing in front of Namgyu’s apartment. Literally just standing there. Frozen.
His fist hovered near the door uselesly. He wasn’t knocking but wasn’t leaving either. Just sweating, fuck he either looked insane or pathetic, maybe both.
Maybe he should just turn around say he got lost. Pretend he had the wrong building. Or fake his own death. That’d solve everything.
Okay just get the pill. Say thank you, leave get high and forget. Simple. It wasn’t that hard.
He knocked twice. Not too loud or too soft, just enough. Then he stood there staring at the door like it might bite. This was dumb. He shouldn’t have come. What if Namgyu wasn’t even here? What if this wasn’t even his place? What if he was just standing in front of some stranger’s door like a total idiot??
The lock clicked.
Minsu nearly jumped.
Namgyu opened the door, wearing some stained tank top and shorts. greasy hair, slightly messed up, tattoos out, cigarette burning between his fingers.
He didn’t say anything. Just stared at Minsu like he wasn’t expecting him to actually show up.
And Minsu just swallowed. He didnt dare to make eye contact or anything, just kept looking down at the floor (except the shameful glances at Namgyu’s tattoos)
“U-uhm… hi.”
His voice cracked. Great . Minsu immediately regretted everything. The knock. The text. His entire life, probably.
Namgyu didn’t say a word. He just took a long drag from his cigarette, eyes on Minsu, quiet like he had all the time in the world. That fucker was totally doing that on purpose. Just to make Minsu fumble more.
And oh, he was fumbling. His fingers kept twitching, tugging at the hem of his shirt like it might save him. Why was it suddenly so hot in here?
“I—I texted. About the, um. The pill. Just—just one. I don’t— I’m not like, addicted or anything, I just wanted to—”
“When the hell did you start to talk that much?”
Namgyu cut him off, shit. Was Minsu really talking that much? He never did that. He wasn’t the type. Quiet, awkward, sure, but this? Rambling?
Why was he even nervous? He should be angry. He is angry. Namgyu killed Semi. That fact alone should be enough to keep his spine straight and his jaw locked. He should be full of rage, of grief, of something that mattered more than the way his hands were shaking right now.
“im kidding dont take it to your fragile heart, come inside.”
Minsu stepped in with a small nod, hesitant but obedient. The door clicked shut behind him, and Namgyu locked it without a word. Minsu noticed, of course he did. His chest tightened, just for a second but he swallowed it. Probably nothing just a habit. He told himself not to overthink it. He always did lately.
Namgyu, though, caught everything. The way Minsu lingered near the entrance, stiff and unsure, like he didn’t know if he was a guest or a hostage. Yeah same pussy even outside the games.
With slow lazy steps Namgyu crossed the room and reached for the metal cross hanging by his shelf. The scratched, clearly used necklace kept for one reason: Thanos.
He popped it open, casually pulled out two pills and looked back at Minsu. Then instead of handing it over, he held it just out of reach.
“Mmh… come on. Get it.”
His tone was soft, almost bored. Like he is talking to a dumb pet instead of a human.
Minsu glanced at the pills, then back at Namgyu, confused. “Huh…?”
Namgyu tilted his head slightly like Minsu had missed the point entirely. He held the pills just a little higher just out of reach, like it was some kind of reward.
“You want it, don’t you?” he said, unimpressed, but his face started to twitch in slight amusement. “What’s it for? Gonna pop it and forget that nasty bitch? Is that it?”
That one stung. Minsu tried not to show a reaction but his blinking started to grew faster. And instead of defending her, speaking up, doing something, anything. He fucking nodded.
And then tried to reach for the pills, slow and careful. like playing nice might earn him something. Like if he didn’t mess it up, Namgyu would actually let him have it. Like he deserved it.
Of course Namgyu didn’t budge. If anything his arm lifted again just by an inch, but that was enough.
Minsu’s stomach twisted. Embarrassment burned under his skin. He lunged this time quick like he could snatch it before it was too late. Too slow.
Namgyu moved back, not even trying that hard. Still holding the pills between his fingers like he barely cared if it dropped. But now there was hint of smile creeping into his face.
“Cmonnnn Minsu try harder, you want it or not?”
Minsu didn’t answer, he just stood there, frozen. Hand still half-raised like his brain had short-circuited. He looked stupid. Felt even worse. Maybe he should leave. Go home. Pretend this never happened. He opened his mouth like he might say something, but nothing came out.
And while he stood there spiraling, eyes all wide and lost, Namgyu let out the laziest sigh ever. Like he was already bored.
Then without warning he grabbed Minsu by the jaw. Hard. Fingers digging in like he wanted to leave bruises, dragging his head up until their eyes locked.
“Still no spine at all, huh?” he muttered, grinning.
Before Minsu could react, both pills were shoved past his lips, fast and rough. Like he was being fed. Minsu let out a muffled sound, but Namgyu didn’t back off. Didn’t even blink.
“Swallow,” he said, voice low and sharp, eyes flicking down to Minsu’s lips.
The look on Minsu’s face was almost laughable. Head tilted back, eyes squeezed shut like a kicked puppy. That pathetic little wince, all soft lips and baby face.
Namgyu let out a low breath of laughter. “You look like somebody’s first-time slut” he muttered, eyes dragging over Minsu’s flushed face. “Stay a while, yeah? I’ve got vodka.”
“I—uh, I don’t think mixing alcohol with drugs is… medically smart?” Minsu mumbled, still dazed, the words slurring awkwardly out of his dry mouth.
Namgyu smirked, already grabbing the bottle. “Cmon it will help you forget about your precious little Nonna, isn’t that why you came?”
Now he was here, drunk and high, trembling like his nerves were fried. Minsu could barely sit up straight, head tilted, body swaying like the floor kept shifting under him. His eyes were glassy, half-lidded, somewhere between gone and begging.
He wasn’t even trying to hide it. Just staring, completely zoned out. Lips parted, pupils pinned to Namgyu’s mouth like it was the only thing keeping him alive.
He looked fucking brainless. Like one of those dumb, helpless animals blinking at headlights. No thoughts, just heat and confusion.
Gosh, It was pathetic.
Cute though… In some twisted way.
Namgyu barely hid the amusement on his face as he leaned back, letting Minsu look, letting him want. He tilted his head slightly, slow and deliberate.
“Stop eye-fucking my mouth freak, you’re not even being subtle about it.”
And to that,Minsu giggled.
He giggled. That soft, high, drunken little laugh that sounded half-strangled in his throat.
Fucking hell.
“Suuu-btlee!” he slurred, grinning like a drunk idiot, eyes glazed and fixed on Namgyu like he was the only thing that mattered.
And then, just like that, he started crawling. Clumsy, sloppy, dragging himself forward until he was in Namgyu’s space, practically draping himself over his lap like a dog trying to beg and hump at the same time.
Namgyu didn’t stop him. Didn’t move. Just watched with a satisfied grin. His hand moved casually, almost bored, reaching for his phone without breaking eye contact. Like this wasn’t the first time he’d recorded someone ruining their life right in front of him.
And then Minsu started talking. Slurred nonsense at first—half-formed words soaked in vodka and who knows what drugs. but then it got specific.
“I always—” a hiccup, then a sloppy breath, “I always wanted t’… y’know… get tied up. mh reaaaaal tight.”
He was pawing at Namgyu’s shirt now, cheek pressed against his shoulder like it was the most natural place in the world to be.
“Like, like wrists an’ ankles. Neck too maybe. Wanna get… f-fucked like that.”
He mumbled it out like a secret, but said it loud enough to be heard. Desperate for the reaction, eyes fluttering up with this weird, needy pride like he thought he was being bold.
Namgyu blinked once. Of course under normal circumstances, he’d shove off a pathetic freak like this the second he got on top of him. But this? A mess like Minsu…Desperate, sloppy, recorded in real time?
“Mhm… go on,” he said, voice low, but actually fucking encouraging. “Don’t stop now. You’re doing great.”
“And I could—could fuck you too y’know,” Minsu added suddenly, puffing up weakly, shifting on his knees like he was gonna sit up and assert something. “I can be rough. Or—or like mean. If I wanna. I can- I- I can ride you.”
“Sure you can,” Namgyu said flatly, and then without warning, he shifted his weight, sudden, forceful. Minsu barely had time to register it before Namgyu had him pinned, one hand flat against his throat. Not squeezing. Just resting there. Claiming space.
He kept his hand there, steady, watching the pulse flutter under his skin. It would’ve been so easy. Just a little pressure. Just to see.
But nah, not yet. It’s better when Minsu will be sober. When the panic is real, not chemical. When he realizes too late he already said yes to something he didn’t understand.
When he wants to say no, but knows it won’t matter.
“You ever even seen a dick in real life? Or are you just recycling porn dialogue and praying I take pity on you?”
That shut Minsu up fast, but not for long.
Because Minsu was breathing harder now, face flushed a deep, wrecked red, thighs trembling from the effort of not just grinding harder.
“You like that, huh?” Namgyu murmured, voice dipping darker, silkier.
“Being called out like a dumb little slut. All talk and zero experience. Can’t even keep your mouth shut without leaking. Disgusting.”
Minsu giggled again and nodded. Light, breathy, brainless.
Then, just like that, the sound faded, and his expression slipped right back into that dazed, slack-jawed look. Half-lidded eyes, mouth parted, body swaying slightly like his brain had left the building mid-sentence.
And before Namgyu could even throw another insult, Minsu fucking passed out. Or fell asleep.
Namgyu blinked once. Then stared down at the dead weight slumped under him, high, drunk, drooling. Still twitching.
“Fuckin’ lightweight.”
He exhaled slowly, leaned back, and glanced at the recording still running on the phone. A long scroll of footage. Every moan, every slurred word, every filthy little fantasy captured in crisp, exploitable clarity.
Oh, he could do so much with this.
Minsu had no idea what he’d just given him.