Love Me Again

by VRJ

Summary:

Jin is back after years away. Taehyung, now grown and restless, doesn’t fully understand why he’s so drawn to the man who used to call him Taetae and hold his tiny hand.

Notes:

Hi
The plot is on my mind since JIn discharge from military , I will add Tags later as per the plot , I am not sure about the the no of chapters

 

sigh

 

pls let me know if you enjoyed this ☘️

Chapter 1: Is That… Taetae?

Taehyung wasn’t paying attention at first.

He was flipping through his phone lazily on the front steps, listening half-heartedly to Namjoon chatting with someone by the driveway. Something about army discharge and moving boxes.

Then came that voice.
A little deeper. Smoother than he remembered.
But warm. Familiar.

“Namjoon-ah… is that—wait. Is that Taetae?”

Taehyung blinked up.

There standing beside Namjoon, was him.
Kim Seokjin. His brother’s best friend from childhood.
Now a man with a broad chest beneath a white T-shirt, sharp jaw, clean military haircut, and kind but startled eyes.

“You probably don’t remember me,” Jin said, stepping closer. “You were, what, six? When I left for uni?”

Taehyung stood up slowly, heart beating loud in his ears. “You’re… Jin-hyung.”

Jin smiled, wide and dazzling. “You do remember.”

Only pieces.
Only a warm hand on his back helping him pedal down the street.
Only the way he used to laugh and tease Namjoon and sneak snacks to him.
Only the nickname Taetae, said like it meant something.

“I… remember you taught me how to ride a bike,” Tae murmured, stunned.

“And you crashed straight into a bush,” Jin laughed, stepping close enough that Taehyung could smell the faint scent of soap and aftershave.

Namjoon chuckled. “Hyung’s planning to move back here for a while. Mom’s old house is empty, remember?”

Taehyung nodded absently. But he wasn’t looking at Namjoon. He was looking at him.

Was Jin always this handsome?
Always this confident?
Why was his smile making Tae’s stomach twist?

Later That Night

Taehyung lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.

He wasn’t supposed to be thinking about Jin.
yes he knew his sexual oriantaion now , he isn't confuesd whenever he see a Hot Guy ..

he Know he shouldn't think about Jin like this. Not about the lines of his arms when he carried boxes. Not about the teasing way he called him “all grown up now” before ruffling his hair.

He barely knew the man.

and Jin is older than him , he used to be his elder brother like Namjoon

Fuck

But something about Jin made him feel like a little boy again and at the same time, like a man who desperately wanted to be seen.

 

The box in his arms wasn’t that heavy.

But as soon as he saw the boy on the steps, Jin nearly dropped it anyway.

Or—not a boy.

A man.

Tall. Golden-skinned. Sleep, tousled black hair. Slim legs tucked under him on the porch steps, phone cradled in one hand. And lips slightly parted, distracted. The sun kissed his cheekbone just right, like it knew something Jin didn’t.

He was about to ask Namjoon who the pretty neighbor was—

When the guy looked up.
Big brown eyes. Familiar. Disarming.

And Jin’s heart gave one hard, confused thump.

“Taetae?”

The head tilted slightly. Then slowly, slowly, realization washed over that soft face.

And it hit Jin like a brick to the chest.

This wasn’t just a neighbor. This was little Taehyung.
The boy who used to chase butterflies barefoot in the yard. Who cried when Jin went off to college. Who once whispered, “You smell like strawberries,” while curling against his side after falling asleep during a fireworks show.

And now…

He was grown. All long limbs and soft features that had sharpened in just the right places. Still warm. Still shy. But when their eyes locked, Jin felt something shift.

Taehyung stood and smiled shy at first. Then a bit curious.

“You… look really different, hyung,” he said.

Jin laughed awkwardly. “So do you. You’re…”
He paused.
Beautiful.

He didn’t say it out loud.

Instead, he chuckled. “Namjoon didn’t warn me you turned into an adult while I was away.”

Taehyung smiled again, rubbing the back of his neck. “You didn’t really expect me to stay six forever, did you?”

No. But damn.

Jin realized, then and there, this was going to be… harder than he thought.
He’d come back expecting to feel nostalgic. Maybe a little out of place.
What he hadn’t expected was Taehyung.

And what he really hadn’t expected… was the way Taehyung looked at him when he thought Jin wasn’t watching.

 

FUCK

 

He wasn't even Gay !!!

Chapter 2: Still the Same Voice

Summary:

when Taehyung looked at him now, he didn’t see a memory.

He saw a man he wanted.

And it hurt like hell！

The house smelled like grilled sesame oil and garlic. Namjoon had burned the tofu , laughing it off while Jin rescued the rest of the pan. Taehyung set the table in silence,
sleeves rolled to his elbows, collarbones exposed under a loose beige shirt.

Jin tried not to notice.

He failed.

They sat down.on Jin's small dinner table , just a make shift table . as Jin was still not have all his furinture moved yet , Namjoon in his seat. Taehyung across from Jin. Every few minutes, Jin found himself glancing up—and finding Taehyung already looking.

Not the wide-eyed childhood stares from long ago.

No.

This was… deliberate. Measured.

A slow burn held behind careful lashes.

"So hyung," Namjoon said mid-bite, "do you think you’ll stay long?”

“Maybe.” Jin shrugged. “I missed Seoul. Missed… quiet places.”

His eyes flicked to Taehyung.

Taehyung didn’t smile. Just tilted his head, lips slightly parted.

It was unnerving. Or… no. He was unnerved.

Jin cleared his throat. “I forgot how much both of you changed.”

“You haven’t,” Taehyung murmured suddenly. “You still have the same voice.”

Jin froze for a second. His chopsticks hovered midair. He swallowed.

Namjoon didn’t notice, digging into rice. But Jin noticed how Tae’s fingers brushed the table, as if he wanted to reach—but stopped himself.

Jin looked away first.

 

Later that night Namjoon excuse himself saying he is feeling sleepy and went back leaving Seokjin and Taehyung for the duty of cleaning and tiding up the mess

"Thanks for dinner, hyung,” Taehyung said, drying the last plate beside him.

Jin nodded, letting the silence sit.

But then—Tae asked quietly, not facing him—

“Do you remmber calling me Taetae?”

Jin blinked. “I do. You hated it.”

“I didn’t,” Tae said. “I just pretended I did.”

Their eyes met.

And for a second, Jin didn’t see a little boy anymore.

He saw a man standing too close. With soft lips. And a look that felt far too intimate.

Jin’s heart thudded in his ears.

He stepped back. “I should sleep early. Long day.”

Tae nodded, unreadable. “Goodnight, hyung.”

Jin turned quickly, walked toward the hallway.

Only when the door closed behind him did he exhale—deep, shaken.

He told himself it was just nostalgia.

Just surprise.

Just his mind playing tricks.

But his body knew better.

 

Jin lay in bed, The house was silent. staring at the ceiling. He’d opened the window for air, but the breeze did nothing for the heat coiling in his chest.

Taehyung’s face wouldn’t leave his mind. That look in his eyes. Calm, unreadable. But somehow… expectant.
The way he’d said “Taetae” back to him. Softly. Almost like a dare. Jin turned onto his side, fingers gripping the sheet.
He had told himself for years that he wasn’t the type to be shaken. He knew who he was. He had kissed girls. Dated women.
But this wasn’t about who. It was about how.

How Taehyung looked at him.

How his voice felt too soft, too personal, like silk over skin.

Jin squeezed his eyes shut.

This was ridiculous.

The kid was Namjoon’s baby brother. Twelve years younger. Quiet, creative, strange in a way that made him magnetic.
But he wasn’t a child anymore.

And when he said, “I didn’t hate when you called me Taetae,”—

Jin had felt something tilt inside him.Like gravity shifted.
Like the air between them had teeth.

He rolled onto his back again and let out a long breath.
He was being dramatic. Probably tired. Probably just confused by the memories.

That had to be it. Right?

But when he finally slipped into sleep, he dreamed of a boy with long fingers brushing his hand in a kitchen lit by moonlight.

And when he woke up, chest tight and heart racing, the name on his lips wasn’t one he expected to say again after all these years.

“Taetae…”

 

Taehyung knew this was a bad idea.

Dinner with Jin-hyung, just days after he moved in next door? The same Jin who used to tie his shoelaces and call him Taetae like it was a secret name only they knew? The same Jin whose arms now stretched the fabric of his T-shirt too tightly across his chest?

Bad idea.

 

But here he was, setting the table, heart jumping every time Jin’s voice carried from the kitchen.

He barely ate.

He just… watched.

Jin was older now. Still polite. Still funny in the way that made Namjoon roll his eyes. But there was something new about him. Or maybe not new. Maybe it was always there—and Taehyung was just old enough now to feel it.

The strength in his forearms when he passed the soup ladle. The gentle curl of his mouth when he laughed at Namjoon’s bad joke. The way his eyes flicked toward Taehyung and lingered, only to look away quickly—like touching fire.

There was tension in the air. Thick. Invisible. Quiet.

Tae’s stomach twisted with it.

When he heard himself say, “You still have the same voice,” it surprised even him.

But it was true.

Jin still sounded like safety. Like summer nights and firecrackers. Like bike rides and goodbye hugs.

And yet, now, that same voice made something ache low in Taehyung’s spine.

 

The air between them was worse without Namjoon buffering the space.

Jin stood close—too close—next to him at the sink. Taehyung passed him dishes, his hand accidentally brushing Jin’s wrist once, twice. Neither of them said anything.

But then… he couldn’t help it.

“Do you remmber calling me Taetae?”

He saw the way Jin blinked. The way his chest stilled for a beat before answering.
Something tightened behind Jin’s eyes. But he covered it with that soft smile again.

Taehyung wanted to scream. Or kiss him. Or run.

Instead, he gave him one last look and whispered, “Goodnight, hyung.”

When Jin walked away—fast, tense, as if fleeing something—Taehyung was left staring at the empty sink.

His heart was pounding.

He leaned forward, gripping the counter.

What the hell is this?

He’d liked boys before. Had his heart broken before.

But this—this was something else.

Because this was the man who once carried him on his back and called him brave.

And now, when Taehyung looked at him, he didn’t see a memory.

He saw a man he wanted.

And it hurt like hell.

Notes:

Get buckled up for Taejin emotional rollercoaster.....

I just add slow burn tag ,hohoho

follow me in Twitter @taejin042151568

Chapter 3: Helping Hands

Summary:

"Do you need help with that hyung ?"

Jin had planned to spend the day alone.

Still groggy from a half-sleepless night, he stood shirtless in his half-unpacked kitchen, sipping instant coffee and trying to ignore the way his body still hummed from that dream. The one where a voice whispered “Touch me, hyung” into his ear.

He didn’t need this. Not today.

He didn’t even flinch at the knock on his door.

“Hyung!” Namjoon called from outside. “Tae and I are free this morning—thought we’d help you finish unpacking!”

Jin swore softly under his breath. Coffee nearly spilled down his arm.

Ten Minutes Later Jin opened the door, this time wearing a loose tee and jeans, but still barefoot. He tried to keep his eyes on Namjoon as they entered, arms full of grocery bags and organizing bins.

Then Taehyung stepped inside.

Quiet. Hair tucked under a soft gray headband . Loose long sleeves pushed to his forearms. and is that summer shorts ?

 

Tooo Short actually

 

too bad for Jin's sanity

He gave Jin a nod and a small “Morning, hyung.”

Jin returned it with a weak smile. “Morning.”

Their eyes met—just for a second too long.

And just like that, everything from last night snapped back into his bloodstream.

 

“Hyung, you’ve got this huge TV and nothing set up. You seriously didn’t think of calling someone for help?” Namjoon groaned, crouched over a tangle of wires.

Jin sat beside a box of books, trying not to notice Taehyung kneeling across from him, lifting a stack of picture frames from the floor.

Taehyung’s shirt had slipped slightly at the shoulder. A glimpse of smooth skin. Collarbone sharp and unfair.

And when he leaned forward—reaching for a book—the shirt pulled tighter across his chest, showing the outline of lean muscle beneath.

Jin looked away fast, blood thundering in his ears.

“You okay, hyung?” Taehyung asked suddenly, voice low.

Jin looked up—and there it was again.

That look. The domming heat in Taehyung’s eyes.

Confident. Unapologetic.

“I’m fine,” Jin lied.

“You sure?” Taehyung tilted his head, his tone almost teasing. “You’ve been avoiding me since last night.”

Jin’s mouth went dry.

“I—I haven’t—”

Namjoon walked in with a screwdriver and saved him from having to finish that lie.

 

One hour later, they decided to take a lunch break before continuing to sort Jin's stuff.

Since Jin's apartment didn’t have all the furniture yet, they all sat in the small living room eating their ordered pizza.

Jin and Taehyung were sitting on the small couch, with Namjoon on the floor beside them. Seokjin hadn’t planned to sit next to the pretty boy, but he found Namjoon already sitting on the floor. He didn’t want to seem like he was avoiding the boy, so he silently sat beside him and tried to focus on the pizza and the reality show on TV, which Namjoon had just fixed.

He really tried to focus.

But the boy’s thighs were distracting him.

Taehyung was sitting cross-legged on the couch beside him, his very short shorts showing off his delicate, smooth thighs.

Does he wax his legs? Or are they naturally that smooth?

Jin was just curious.

This close, Jin could see the boy’s long eyelashes casting shadows on his smooth tan skin. He had one new, angry pimple on his right cheek though. Just one.

Did puberty even hit him?

He had learned from Namjoon that the boy was an art student in his second year of university.

Jin remembered his own puberty and university days. He had suffered from oily skin and an endless war with adult pimples.

The boy looked like he had no body hair at all, except for his naturally healthy curls and thick eyebrows.

In contrast, Jin had body hair everywhere.

Maybe Jin was envious of the boy’s clean, smooth skin.

That must be why he was thinking about the boy sitting beside him.

He looked at the television and saw the hosts arguing about some game. He tried to distract himself when suddenly his vision was blocked by soft black curls in his face.

Taehyung had leaned over him to grab the remote beside him. Jin suddenly became aware of how sharp the boy’s collarbones were. His shirt slipped further, exposing more of his delicate tan chest.

And if Jin wasn’t imagining things, he got a glimpse of the boy’s brown twins.

And why did the boy smell so sweet??

Shit.

 

He felt his old friend waking up.

 

He was hard.

 

Jin had been avoiding the Kim brothers since the lunch incident, leaving them to move things around by themselves.

He didn’t want to think about why his body reacted that way.

He would think about it later—when he was alone.

He didn’t want to think about the curly-haired boy.

He just wanted to stay away.

He didn’t want to panic.

Yet.

His "friend" still hadn’t gone back to sleep, maybe because he was still thinking about the incident with the pretty boy.

His delicate, bony knees.

His tan, smooth skin. His very soft, curly hair.

He could still smell the sweet fragrance the boy wore.

This had to stop!

He needed to distract himself.

So he was in the hallway sorting DVDs, looking down at his pajama pants, disappointed...

When he heard soft footsteps behind him.

"Do you need help with that, hyung?"

He jumped and dropped all the DVDs he was holding.

He didn’t turn around, but he felt Taehyung come close.

Too close.

Taehyung knelt beside him to pick them up.

"Are you okay, hyung?" he asked, looking up at a very flustered Jin.

"Yah! How do you sneak up on someone like that?!" Jin scolded, his face and ears burning red.

"Sorry, hyung. You were staring down at it, I thought you needed help."

 

"What?" Jin panicked.

 

"The DVDs?" Taehyung replied innocently, looking up at him with big puppy eyes.

 

Oh.

Is the boy really innocent? Or is Jin imagining things now?

He just prayed the boy wouldn’t notice his erection.

"It’s fine. Hyung will do it."

Jin took the DVDs from him. Their fingers touched—electricity shot through his body again.

He turned and began sorting the DVDs into their respective shelves.

"I like your arms, hyung," Taehyung said softly. Honestly.

Jin turned slowly, stunned.

Taehyung smiled—calm, unreadable, but unmistakably bold.

"You’ve filled out."

And then he walked away.

Just like that.

Leaving Jin breathless, speechless, and fully, deeply aware:

Taetae was not a boy anymore.

And Jin was in trouble.

 

For the next two days, Jin kept himself busy sorting his apartment. He bought a few pieces of furniture just to make the space look presentable.

He also bought a few gym items: a treadmill, stepper, and pull-up bars. He convinced himself that he got them to stay in shape after military service.

Not because Taehyung said he liked his arms.

Definitely not.

Never.

He started gardening, training daily in his small home gym.

He began going out to meet old friends in downtown.

Namjoon visited him once after that.

He came alone—fortunately, or unfortunately—just to check on him.

Jin felt better after chatting with his old best friend. He avoided asking about the younger sibling though.

But Namjoon, being himself, clumsily talked about this and that, eventually mentioning that Taehyung had gone to Jeju with friends for their summer break.

That was why he hadn’t seen him around lately.

Not that Jin was remembering or observing every detail said about the younger!

He didn’t care. Taehyung was still young. Maybe confused. Maybe still exploring his identity.

But Jin? He was old enough to know himself.

He liked women!

He just needed to stay busy and not think about that lunch... or that specific curly head.

He convinced himself that the way his body reacted was due to his dry romantic life.

He did research that night, actually. He went on Quora and found people with the same question as him.

And to his relief, there were some topics and answers supporting his theory. He remembered one answer that said:

"If you haven’t dated in a long time, your body becomes sensitive and you can feel aroused easily from small gestures, even if it’s from the same gender."

That must be the reason.

His dating life was miserable. He had only one girlfriend in the past. They broke up after he joined the Korean army.

That was two years ago. They had been university sweethearts for five years. But her family wanted them to get married soon, and he wasn’t ready. His career as a lawyer had just started. Then he had to serve in the military.

He told her they needed to wait three years and maybe then they could marry. But she got upset and accused him of not loving her. Later, he discovered she cheated on him with his senior at work while he was away.

Jin was furious.

But he chose to focus on his service and building his body. He trained every day in the army, lifting weights regularly to ease his heartache.

Now, almost a year later, Jin’s pain had somewhat eased.

But sometimes... the shadows of loneliness tried to grab at him.

He couldn’t deny it. He longed to be truly loved.

He wanted to feel desired.

He was training in his small home gym, doing a push-up bar set. He’d been training for two hours.

His body was on fire. He was drenched in sweat, his clothes sticking to his body.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

He looked at the sport watch on his wrist. It was 9 PM.

He wasn’t expecting anyone.

It was already late in the evening.

He stopped his push-ups and drank some water. The doorbell rang again.

Whoever it was... was clearly impatient.

Or nervous?

He jogged to the front door, small towel around his neck, trying to catch his breath before opening.

"Taehyung?"

There stood Taehyung, looking nervous, like he was hesitating to turn back.

"H...hyung."

Jin didn’t miss how Taehyung’s big eyes shifted from nervous to checking him out in a second. His puppy eyes turned sharp.

The boy was scanning him shamelessly from head to toe, making Jin suddenly very conscious of his appearance—his sweaty shirt clinging to his skin.

Taehyung’s gaze moved from Jin’s neck to his shoulders, down to his chest.

Jin felt the heat of the stare burning into him.

They stood in silence for a few seconds.

Then the boy slowly lifted his eyes to Jin’s face. Jin didn’t miss the way Taehyung licked his lips before looking at him again—intensely.

Then the puppy eyes returned.

"Sorry, hyung, if I disturbed you this late. Omma wanted me to give you this homemade kimchi she made for you. I thought you’d be sleeping already. Were you training just now?"

Jin then noticed the plastic containers in the boy’s hand.

"Oh... yes."

He just stood there, unsure what to say.

"Thanks, Taetae."

The boy flashed him his signature boxy smile.

How could someone shift expressions so fast?

Jin was frozen, holding the door open, unable to command his body to move. He was also trying very hard not to look at the boy's outfit.

He wore a big yellow shirt and white shorts—again.

His curly hair was hidden under a white cap—worn backward.

It was a normal, cool summer outfit.

But with that sun-kissed skin...

He looked cute.

No.

Pretty.

Had he gotten more handsome in the past few days? Or was Jin's mind playing tricks on him?

Jin snapped out of his daze when the boy stepped closer—close enough for him to smell that sugary fragrance again!

Jin panicked.

Taehyung held the container in one hand and slowly dragged his long fingers along Jin’s right arm.

Sensually.

Whispering in a low, deep voice:

"Watch out, hyung. It’s very spicy," he said, staring directly into Jin's startled eyes.

Jin flinched, feeling his body burn again.

This time... for a different reason.

And then Taehyung left.

Leaving Jin alone at the front door, holding the containers...

Trying to breathe normally again.

 

He can't deny now ...

 

he really wanted to feel desired by those tiger eyes again !!

Notes:

hahha poor Jinni

just think about after military short hair Seokjin and In the Soop 1's Taehyung when you read this story

I will try to update regulary now bcs I hate my Job , hhhh

let me know your thoughts!!

Chapter 4: Soft Obsession

Did he miss him?
Yes

Did he miss those sharp but tender eyes?
Yes

Did he miss his soft but deep voice?
Yes

Was he thinking all the time about the man while he was away with his friends in Jeju Island?
Yes

Did he want to see the man as soon as he arrived home?
A million yes

 

He had been thinking about the man throughout the whole trip. He was there physically,

but in his mind, he was still in Jin’s kitchen  standing too close, watching how the man's handsome face got flustered whenever Taehyung leaned in closer.

 

The man had only been around for a month, yet Taehyung felt like his world had been turned upside down for much longer than that.

He had felt himself drawn to the attractive man from the moment he laid eyes on him  the day Jin came to visit their household,

holding a big basket of premium Shine Muscat and an expensive-looking bottle of wine. What a good coincidence that those two were Taehyung's favourites too!

 

He remembered the man bowing to his parents and hugging them tightly — and somehow, that had warmed Taehyung’s heart too.

 

Taehyung had dated many boys before, during high school and even university. His last boyfriend was his senior colleague in uni cool, handsome,

and kind, but also a notorious flirt. He flirted right and left, making Taehyung’s life difficult, so they broke up.

 

Taehyung was a flirt himself, but that was when he was single and free. He believed that once someone was in a relationship, they should focus only on their partner.

Taehyung did just that, but Minjae  his ex-boyfriend  wasn’t fully committed. He saw his flirtiness as harmless.

 

So they decided to break up, though they stayed friends. Later, Taehyung realized he hadn’t been emotionally invested then.

They had hooked up a few times while together, but nothing deeper than that. Taehyung decided his next relationship had to be with someone special  someone he could commit to emotionally before physically,

someone patient enough to handle his unpredictable personality. Namjoon used to tell him he needed to grow up a bit,

stop dating kids in his university, and focus on his studies. So he decided maybe next time, he should try dating older men.

 

 

Taehyung was a smart kid. His parents had expected him to pursue business or engineering when he grew up,

but to their surprise, Taehyung developed an interest in art and photography since high school.

His father supported him fully  after grumbling about how both his sons ended up in creative fields.

His father himself had once wanted to be an actor; he always said his bottled-up dreams had taken over in his children.

Now, his father was a middle-class businessman in the clothing line industry.

 

Taehyung had been spoiled growing up, especially by his father. He was the apple of the Kim household.

Namjoon would often complain to their parents about how Taehyung was a brat  spoiled and always given whatever he wanted.

His father would just smile and say, “He’s our youngest, that’s reason enough.”

 

Even when he came out to his parents, they had been shocked at first, but then welcomed him with open arms.

Namjoon mumbled that he had suspected it already. Despite his teasing, Namjoon was always the first to defend his little brother.

 

Taehyung was grateful for that

 

 

He’d once had a crush on Namjoon’s older hyung  - Hyung-sik  the hyung had always been kind and polite, treating him fondly.

But later, Taehyung realized Hyung-sik only saw him as a cute dongsaeng, little Taetae. Taehyung wasn’t too upset — Hyung-sik was a great friend and a good hyung to both brothers.

 

He decided maybe he just wasn’t meant to find “the one” yet.

 

Jimin, his platonic soulmate and best friend, had tried to convince him to date again, but no one attracted him  not physically, not romantically.

 

Until he saw the man.

 

Seokjin hyung.

 

as he used to call him when he was younger 

 

From the start, the man had controlled his body and thoughts effortlessly.

His heartbeat went crazy whenever he saw him, heard his voice, or even heard his name.

 

So now, when the opportunity appeared, he jumped at it,

He was in his room unpacking from his Jeju trip when he heard his mother telling Namjoon that she had prepared homemade kimchi specially for her favourite Jinnie.

 

His mother adored her Jinnie since they were kids ,  when Jin used to visit to play with Namjoon.

The Kim families had been close neighbours with a long bond before Jin’s family moved away due to university and his father’s promotion.

Now that Jin had returned to their old neighbourhood, his mother was completely smitten again.

 

Taehyung couldn’t blame her though

 

 

 

The man was charming  tender, polite, attentive, and he’d quickly won his parents’ hearts.

Taehyung watched how Jin called them “Apponim, Omonim,” bowing 90 degrees every time, always helping around the house and garden whenever he visited.

 

It made them coo at him, his mother squeezing Jin’s round cheeks and saying, “You’re such a good son! Your parents are lucky to have you , and your future wife will be even luckier!”

His father would clap his back, asking when he’d introduce this mystery woman, teasing that unlike Namjoon , who chose music over marriage , Jin should settle down soon.

 

Namjoon would roll his eyes, and Taehyung’s heart would ache quietly.

 

He still didn’t know exactly why.

 

Yes, he was attracted to the man. Physically, for now.

Maybe.

 

But he didn’t know if he wanted something romantic.

Heck, he didn’t even know if the man liked men at all.

 

Namjoon mentioned Jin’s ex-girlfriend had broken up with him two years ago, but he didn’t know why — Jin had always been secretive about it.

 

Who on earth would break up with such a perfect man?

 

Taehyung was sure they were out of their mind.

 

On the other hand, he was relieved. The man was single , available for Taehyung’s eyes and imagination, at least for now.

 

He’d tried to subtly ask Namjoon about the man’s orientation, but Namjoon, oblivious as ever, gave him nothing. So Taehyung could only assume:

 

The man liked women.

 

He would be lying if he said that didn’t upset him. But sometimes,

he caught Jin’s eyes lingering on him a second too long before he quickly looked away, face and ears flushed red.

 

Maybe Jin wasn’t completely straight.

 

Taehyung needed to test that theory.

 

He couldn’t deny he’d intentionally tried to seduce the man that day.

He wore his oversized beige shirt with tiny gray shorts , the outfit Jimin always called “sexy and cute.”

He spent extra time curling his hair, then decided on a dark gray headband that matched his shirt.

He wanted to impress the elder — or seduce him, if he was being honest.

 

But Jin’s behaviour confused him after that last dinner.

Taehyung suspected the elder had been avoiding him after their short interaction in Jin’s kitchen.

So when Namjoon suggested they go help Jin settle into his new place, Taehyung immediately agreed. He needed to confirm it.

 

When they arrived, Jin avoided his eyes, focusing on Namjoon. B

ut Taehyung didn’t miss the way the man’s gaze flickered toward his outfit, before mumbling a faint “Morning.”

Throughout the day, Jin kept sneaking glances , and every time Taehyung caught him, Jin looked away quickly, pretending to be busy.

 

Interesting

 

Taehyung stretched intentionally, reaching across Jin’s shoulder to grab a book, and noticed Jin’s breath hitch before his eyes darted away.

 

His red ears gave him away.

 

He still couldn’t forget that lunch incident...

 

They were having pizza, and Taehyung purposely sat on the couch so Namjoon would sit on the floor beside him.

When Jin arrived, he had no choice but to sit next to the younger Kim. Taehyung crossed his legs, knowing it showed just enough of his thighs,

and smirked when he caught Jin sneaking glances from the corner of his eye.

 

But Jin looked away, focusing on the TV.

 

So Taehyung leaned forward, pretending to reach for the remote that was conveniently near Jin’s side.

His shirt slipped slightly, exposing his collarbones, and the sugary scent of his perfume drifted between them.

 

He could feel the man’s breath hitch again, the silence thick around them. His own heart was pounding.

 

When he sat back, satisfied, Jin started coughing violently.

 

“Hyung, are you okay?” Namjoon asked, alarmed.

 

“I’m fine. I’ll just have some water,” Jin croaked, face flushed.

 

He avoided them for the rest of the day after that.

 

Taehyung was both confused and amused. One moment Jin seemed captivated; the next, he was avoiding him completely.

 

Later that night, Taehyung caught sight of Jin arranging DVDs in a plain white shirt and pajama pants.

The fabric clung to his broad shoulders, muscles shifting with every move. Even oversized, it couldn’t hide the strength underneath.

 

Taehyung wondered how it would feel to be held by those arms.

 

 

He approached quietly, watching the man frown at the DVDs like they’d offended him.

 

“Do you need help with that, hyung?”

 

Jin jumped, dropping the DVDs.

“Yah !, how you sneak up at someone like that ?"  He scolded him , embarrassed

 

When he reached up again to place them back, the veins in his forearms stood out.

 

“I really like your arms, hyung,” Taehyung blurted without thinking. “You’ve filled up!”

 

He shocked even himself.

 

And yet, here he was , at Jin’s doorstep again, holding his mother’s kimchi, just to see those beautiful eyes that haunted him for days.

 

He rang once. No answer. Twice. Maybe Jin was already asleep. He was about to leave when the door opened ,

and that familiar, breathless voice said his name.

 

“Taehyung?”

 

There he was , SeokJin-hyung, flushed and sweating, looking like he’d just finished running.

His damp hair clung to his forehead, glowing under the porch light.

 

“H-hyung.”

 

Damn, he’d missed those eyes.

 

“Sorry to disturb you this late. Omma wanted me to bring you her homemade kimchi. I thought you were asleep. Were you training just now?”

 

“Ah, yeah… thank you, Taetae.”

 

The man looked ten times hotter than Taehyung remembered , his tight black workout shirt clung to every muscle,

his neck glistening, chest rising and falling. His biceps flexed as he held the door, and his pecs stood out under the fabric , right at Taehyung’s eye level.

 

Before he could stop himself, Taehyung stepped closer.

 

The man  tensed, eyes wide.

 

 

Taehyung reached out, brushing his fingers along Jin’s strong arm, whispering,

 

 

 

 

“Watch out, hyung… it’s very spicy.”

Notes:

Hi ,
I will try to evolve both Taejin POV now as they are devolping their feelings towards each other ,

this is my revenage writing comback over all these Jin's at Osaka concert moments

I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 5: Strawberry & Bokbunja

 

 

 

The weekend came faster than expected，

 

Taehyung’s parents had decided to officially welcome Jin back to the neighborhood with a home-cooked dinner.

 

His mother had been preparing all morning, excitedly bustling between the kitchen and the living room while scolding Taehyung to stop hovering around like a restless cat.

 

“He’s coming for dinner, not to marry your sister,” she teased when she caught her son fixing his hair for the third time in front of the hallway mirror.

 

  “I’m just trying to look neat, omma. This is a family dinner”  Taehyung scoffed, hiding his embarrassment behind a pout.

 

She rolled her eyes but smiled knowingly

 

 

She had been observing her youngest son acting strangely since Jin’s arrival.

 

He would move nervously whenever Jin’s name was mentioned, jumping to help whenever the man’s name came up in a sentence.

 

She just hoped it wasn’t what she feared.

 

She had noticed her son’s mood change since he came back from Jeju.

He was supposed to be happy after spending time with his friends before the new semester started ，but instead, he looked restless.

 

He kept checking the wall clock every two minutes, glancing at the front door whenever he was around, like he was expecting someone to show up at any moment.

 

That was why he’d been fidgeting all morning, changing his outfit several times, nervously fixing his hair every few minutes.

She knew that, growing up, Taehyung had an anxious attachment since an incident that happened when he was only six years old.

Since then, he would experience anxious thoughts and behavior from time to time , especially when those thoughts were related to someone he cared about.

 

He was sitting in the living room, fidgeting with his wrist bracelet and nervously watching the front door when the bell finally rang.

She saw him jump up, shouting—

 

“I’ll get that!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jin had been avoiding the Kim family for a week now,

He’d locked himself at home, busying himself with gardening or training in his small home gym.

Sometimes, he’d go out to meet a friend in the evenings, when the summer heat was bearable. Seoul’s summer was hotter than he remembered.

 

Since the kimchi delivery incident, the elder had tried to avoid thinking about it.

He couldn’t forget how he had just stood there， frozen，his breath caught some

where in his chest, right where Taehyung’s fingers had just brushed against his arm.

 

The younger’s soft whisper still lingered in the humid air between them,

and Jin was painfully aware of the burn traveling from his bicep straight to his chest.

 

Taehyung… touched him.

 

And Jin had flinched.

 

He shouldn’t have.

 

He knew he should’ve stepped back, laughed it off,

closed the door ，anything but stand there letting his body betray every logical thought in his head.

 

But instead… he watched Taehyung.

 

Watched the way his lips curled into a smirk before turning into a boyish grin.

Watched the way his wide brown eyes sparkled with something mischievous， teasing, knowing, ..dangerous.

Watched him hand over the kimchi like nothing had just happened.

 

Like Jin’s heart wasn’t thundering against his ribs.

Like his entire body wasn’t still humming from a touch that lasted less than three seconds.

 

Then Taehyung walked away ,l leaving Jin standing in the doorway, holding two containers of kimchi… and his sanity by a thread.

 

That night, Jin couldn’t sleep.

 

He tried. God, he tried.

He showered, drank tea, even cleaned his kitchen counters twice just to keep his hands busy.

But every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was that look in Taehyung’s eyes , playful, confident, devastating.

 

This was getting out of hand.

 

Jin had always believed he liked women

 

He dated women. His first love was a woman.

 

His heartbreak? A woman.

 

He never questioned that part of himself , not once

 

But Taehyung

 

Taehyung was throwing everything he thought he knew into question.

 

And worse, it wasn’t just Taehyung’s beauty or boyish charm. It was the way Jin’s body reacted before his mind had time to argue.

 

He couldn’t stop the way his throat tightened when the younger leaned in too close.

He couldn’t stop the way his eyes flicked to those soft lips, collarbones, or thighs.

He couldn’t stop the rush of heat in his abdomen when Taehyung touched him.

And he hated how much he didn’t want to stop it.

 

So, in order to keep his sanity, he stayed at home , praying that none of the Kim brothers would come looking for him.

To his relief, they didn’t. Only Namjoon had called once, checking in and inviting him for a drink at their home, but Jin had turned him down instantly ,

 

fearing he wouldn’t be able to control himself around Taehyung, especially with alcohol in the mix.

 

He wasn’t a lightweight,

 

but he knew himself , he was a touchy type when tipsy or drunk.

And he couldn’t risk that.

 

He didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of Namjoon.

 

So he refused.

 

But two days later, Taehyung’s mother called to invite Jin for a weekend dinner.

 

“A small welcome, Jinnie,” she said on the phone. “You’re practically family.”

 

Jin hesitated , but only for a breath.

 

“Of course, eomeonim,” he replied. “I’d be honored.”

 

He hadn’t even touched the homemade kimchi she’d made for him.

 

Every time he tried, he saw Taehyung’s tiger eyes in his mind, heard that husky whisper , “Watch out, hyung… it’s spicy”

 

He felt guilty for not acknowledging the Kim family’s kindness, so he decided to attend the dinner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday evening came

 

Jin arrived with a box of carefully picked strawberries (from his uncle’s farm) and a bottle of traditional Korean Bokbunja , Taehyung’s father’s favorite.

He was dressed simply, but too aware of every detail.

His shirt wasn’t tight, but he knew it fit well. His hair was styled just a little.

He told himself it was out of respect for the family.

 

It wasn’t

 

Taehyung opened the door , and Jin’s heart tripped over itself.

 

He was wearing soft brown slacks and a loose green knit sweater that slipped slightly off one shoulder.

His dark curls were messy in that deliberate way that meant he’d spent time making them look effortless.

His bare feet peeked from beneath the hem of his pants.

 

He looked soft. Warm. Comfortable.

 

Jin swallowed

 

 

 

“Hi.”

“Hi, hyung”

 

Taehyung looked nervous, biting his lips and glancing at Jin shyly from under his eyelashes.

 

They stood there staring at each other for a moment , until Taehyung’s father’s voice called from inside, asking Jin to come in.

 

The spell broke

 

Taehyung stepped forward to take the basket Jin was holding.

 

Jin felt his ears turn red already

 

He bowed to the parents

 

“Aigoo, our Jin has become even more handsome since he came back,”

Taehyung’s mother said fondly, hugging him.

 

“How have you been, son? We haven’t seen you since you returned. Are you eating well?” Taehyung’s father asked.

 

“Yes, abeoji. I brought your favorite fruits and Bokbunja.”

 

“That’s Taehyung’s favorite now!” Mr. Kim laughed and hugged him.

 

“Oh really? I didn’t know,” Jin replied nervously, his gaze flickering to Taehyung, who smiled shyly at his father.

 

They ushered him into the living room, where Namjoon sat talking to two guys Jin hadn’t met before.

 

Namjoon stood, hugged him, and introduced them as his colleagues : Suga and J-Hope. They bowed politely in greeting.

 

They chatted about Namjoon’s upcoming music project before shifting the topic to Jin’s military service.

Jin liked them; they were funny and easy to be around.

 

J-Hope was the most talkative, curious about everything, while Suga looked like he’d rather be somewhere else.

Jin couldn’t blame him. His introverted energy was draining; he would’ve preferred to be home, chilling in his small apartment or lying in bed reading webtoons.

 

No offense to the Kim family , but he was nervous, and he didn’t quite know why.

 

Or maybe he did, but chose not to admit it.

 

As if on cue, he heard the reason for his nerves , that deep, honeyed voice.

During the conversation, Jin noticed someone unusually quiet , sitting nervously next to J-Hope, scrolling on his phone,

 

Pouting

 

“Yah, Taehyung-ah! How was Jeju? Where’s my gift?” J-Hope teased, throwing an arm around Taehyung, trying to tangle him in a playful headlock.

 

“Ah, hyung! You’ll ruin my hairstyle!” Taehyung whined, flashing his boxy smile and trying to escape his grip.

 

“Why did you do your hair so pretty today, huh?” J-Hope laughed, tickling him again.

 

Jin saw Taehyung glance at him for a brief second before fixing his hair. Jin’s heart skipped a beat at that small, innocent gesture.

 

A few minutes later, the doorbell rang again.

 

This time, Taehyung jumped up to answer it. Jin heard excited voices and squeals from the hallway.

 

“Jimin-ah! Jungkook-ah!”

“Taetae!”

They chatted and laughed before Taehyung returned with two younger boys.

Namjoon introduced them as Jimin and Jungkook , Taehyung’s best friends and classmates.

They bowed politely, then joined the group, chatting excitedly about university rumors.

 

Jin sat on the opposite couch, trying to engage with the older group in conversations about the economy, politics, even the weather , but his eyes kept drifting.

 

Taehyung was leaning against Jimin’s chest, talking softly to Jungkook.

Jimin’s fingers were combing gently through Taehyung’s curls, like he was lulling him to sleep.

 

Taehyung looked relaxed, his eyes blinking slowly.

 

They looked comfortable together , natural.

 

A strange burn rose in Jin’s chest

 

He wanted to feel those curls between his fingers too.

 

Wait

 

What?

 

He watched Jimin lean close to Taehyung’s ear, whispering something.

Instantly, Taehyung looked at Jin , those amber eyes catching the afternoon light from the window, glowing honey-gold against his black curls.

 

Jin’s breath hitched

 

He looked away quickly, his heart pounding, ears red.

He could feel Taehyung whisper something back to Jimin, both of them laughing.

 

He didn’t know why he felt embarrassed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two hours later, the Kim household was buzzing with laughter and chatter.

 

 

The table was set outside in the backyard; the summer evening breeze was cool after the scorching afternoon.

The younger boys played video games inside while the elders talked outside.

 

Jin helped Mrs. Kim set the table. She tried to shoo him away, saying he was a guest, but he insisted.

She knew Jin was a good cook , even as a teenager, he used to bring dishes to share proudly, saying he’d made them himself.

 

Jin busied himself with arranging dishes and helping Mr. Kim grill meat, trying not to meet the gaze he could feel burning from the living room whenever he crossed there ,

 

He tried to act normal

 

But normal was gone

 

Because every time he looked up, Taehyung was watching him

 

And every time he looked away, he could still feel Taehyung watching him.

 

Dinner was loud with laughter. The parents were cheerful, Namjoon talkative.

Jin smiled, answered questions, thanked them for the food.

 

But something silent passed between him and Taehyung

 

The younger sat opposite him, clearly waiting for Jin to choose his seat first so he could take the one facing him.

 

Every time Jin moved, Taehyung’s gaze followed

 

 

Jin’s heart beat faster with every stolen glance, every brush of fingers, every lingering gaze over chopsticks and rice bowls.

 

He caught himself watching the way Taehyung chewed , the way his lips pursed when something was spicy, the way his tongue darted out to soothe the sting.

 

He had to look away before his thoughts betrayed him

 

Then he felt something brush against his foot under the table

 

He flinched when Taehyung’s bare toes slid against his, soft and deliberate

 

His heart pounded in his ears, breath caught in his lungs

 

He was wearing sandals, Taehyung was barefoot

 

Jin tried to stay composed, lifting his gaze to find the boy laughing with Jimin , acting perfectly innocent,

as though he wasn’t caressing another man’s foot under the table.

 

Flustered, Jin focused on Namjoon’s voice beside him.

 

He should’ve pulled away. He should’ve glared at the boy, told him to stop

 

But he didn’t

 

He liked it

 

He shouldn’t , but he wanted the boy to keep touching him.

 

 

Which was why he kept his foot still as those toes slowly climbed his bare leg.

 

He regretted wearing shorts now.

 

Or maybe not.

 

The boy’s skin felt impossibly soft against his own.

 

But when Taehyung’s foot slid higher, brushing dangerously close to his upper thigh,

 

Jin panicked

 

He looked up to find Taehyung staring straight at him , unblinking

 

 

Like he wanted to see Jin’s reaction

 

 

They locked eyes, both still

 

Taehyung’s foot moved higher , too high

 

Then suddenly hands landed on Jin’s shoulder.

 

He flinched

 

“Jin-ah, do you want to have a drink with your old man?” Mr. Kim’s voice boomed

 

Before Jin could respond, Taehyung mercifully withdrew his foot

 

 

Jin turned, bowing his head to hide his fluster.

“It would be an honor, abeoji,” he said, hearing Mr. Kim chuckle.

 

He got up quickly, following the older man outside ,escaping the crime scene without looking back

 

 

 

WTF just happened?!!

 

 

 

 

Chapter 6: Strawberry & Bokbunja +Cigarette

 

 

Wrong Move!

 

He shouldn’t have tried to touch Jin that way. He should have waited

 

But he couldn’t.

 

He was craving the man's attention

 

Taehyung was desperate!

 

He had waited all last week for him to come and visit them, to address Taehyung after that kimchi incident.

His plan was to seduce the man until he broke and demanded answers.

 

Then maybe Taehyung would be able to confess his attraction to the elder.

 

But the man was avoiding him

 

 

Stealing glances, watching Taehyung all the time,but whenever Taehyung looked in his direction,

he would move his gaze away fast, flustered.

 

Taehyung was feeling flustered too.

 

Or maybe frustrated, to be accurate.

 

It was his first time meeting someone like Jin,

 

All his past relationships or interests were smooth, with his partners approaching him first.

 

He knew he was handsome, and his personality was cute, funny, and kind, not perfect,

but people liked it.

Sometimes he was flirty, but that was that!

 

It was always this way: they would flirt with him first, and if he liked them, he would flirt back.

And then boom—they were together.

It was just that smooth! Not rocket science

 

But with Jin, it was different

 

He flirted not once, twice—but the man never did anything about it.

 

Taehyung could understand the man’s background.

 

Maybe Jin was hesitant because he was older than Taehyung by 12 years and considered their relationship

to fall under a hyung/dongsaeng kind of bond since their younger days.

 

He knew Jin’s past relationship was with a woman

 

He knew the man was straight and maybe had never been with another man before

 

But then why was he giving him mixed signals?

 

Why was he looking at Taehyung like he had the right to own him?

 

Taehyung was willing to be his!

 

Which surprised him too—the fact that Taehyung was desperate for the elder’s attention all the time.

 

He wanted to see him flustered, red-faced and red-eared, with those deep brown orbs looking only at him—

Devouring him whole and maybe never letting him go.

 

Taehyung found himself wanting to touch him.

 

Wanting to be caged between those strong arms as he wrapped his hands around those wide shoulders, while being kissed passionately by those full lips.

 

Taehyung didn’t know exactly when or how he developed those strong urges toward the man.

 

All he knew was—

 

He wanted to be touched by him

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jin was tipsy

 

Not fully drunk

 

But tipsy

 

And that frustrated him more

He hadn’t planned to drink that day, but with Mr. Kim’s constant refills,

 

Jin found himself already on his third or fourth cup of Bokbunja (he couldn’t remember clearly).

 

Although it wasn’t his favorite, he could now understand why it was Taehyung’s father’s favorite drink, it was a bit sour,

with a fruity taste that made you feel like you weren’t drinking alcohol at all, yet it still had the effect of liquor.

 

 

Mr. Kim had insisted they play Janggi (Korean chess) while drinking

 

Jin let the older Kim win, thinking it was respectful. He watched how the elder’s features changed each round,

excited every time he blocked Jin’s attempts to advance his dominos.

 

It reminded him of Taehyung. They looked so alike. Mr. Kim had the same piercing gaze whenever he focused,

the way he furrowed his brows at Jin’s silly moves,

the way he hummed and gave a proud, boxy smile whenever he won,all of it reminded Jin of the curly, haired boy.

 

 

How could handsomeness be passed down through generations like that?

 

The fact that Taehyung looked more like his father than Namjoon, who took after their mother’s gentler features,

made Jin wonder: if Namjoon resembled his father more—

 

Would Jin also want to be close to him physically?

 

Would Jin be attracted to him too?

 

Attracted?

 

Was he really attracted to Taehyung now?

 

Why was he even thinking these thoughts?

 

Was it just an excuse to rationalize his reaction earlier, the way his body responded to those soft fingers climbing his leg?

If it were Namjoon, would he have reacted the same way? Would he have flinched, pulled his leg back, and called Namjoon out?

 

But Namjoon would never do that

 

They’d shared a deep bond since childhood, come across physical touches countless times before—

 

A hand on a shoulder. A soft, encouraging tap. Hugs.

 

But he’d never gotten flustered

 

 

Never wanted to stay put and feel it more

 

Never had his heart beat hard just by locking eyes.

 

If Namjoon was Taehyung’s brother, then why couldn’t Jin feel that way for Namjoon instead?

 

Namjoon was handsome too

 

It was obvious to anyone,the Kims had strong, handsome genes.

They were best friends before Namjoon ever introduced his little brother, “Taetae.” Back then,

Taehyung was just a small kid with big, cute eyes and a button nose. Jin and Namjoon were teenagers.

 

If Jin was truly attracted to men, wouldn’t he have noticed it then?

 

Why hadn’t he questioned his sexuality before?

 

Had he ever been attracted to a man before?

 

No

 

Never

 

But then why now? Why couldn’t he stop thinking about him?

 

Was it because that same “Taetae” had grown into a gorgeous young man, still with the same cute features, but now sharpened,

 

mesmerizing?

 

The same tiger eyes, now burning with intensity, watching him while brushing his fingers along Jin’s leg under the dinner table.

 

Did Taehyung even know what he was doing to him every day and night?

 

Was it because of those predatory stares? Those teasing touches?

 

Namjoon never looked or touched him like that

 

 

Hell—

 

His ex-girlfriend never did either

 

Their intimacy had been soft, kind, sweet

 

Predictable

 

They were college sweethearts, attached at the hip, developing feelings slowly and equally.

Jin believed that’s what attraction was supposed to look like.

 

He had never been courted like that  before by women or men

 

He and his ex never shared that kind of fiery sexual tension.

 

They never touched in public like that

But with Taehyung—

 

He felt like his body was on fire all the time, like he was running an endless marathon every time they touched.

 

Maybe it was the thrill of being courted for the first time

 

The first time he felt truly seen. Wanted

 

Desired

 

By someone unpredictable

 

By a man

 

Jin felt his heart clench. The liquor burned his throat, setting his body ablaze.

 

He saw Mr. Kim move his domino, claiming a third win

 

“Checkmate, buddy!” Mr. Kim cheered drunkenly

 

“Woo ah... Abeoji, when did you get this good at Janggi?”

 

“Ah, I think you gave me a chance, son. You looked distracted,” Mr. Kim chuckled

 

Because I was thinking about your son, Jin wanted to whisper

 

On cue, the malicious son and Jin’s reason for misery appeared near the table, holding a big bowl of strawberries,

the same ones Jin had brought earlier.

 

Still barefoot

 

Jin noticed

 

His body burned again at the memory of their earlier encounter

 

“Ah, Taebear! Your Appa beat this buddy three times already!” Mr. Kim called out drunkenly

 

Jin saw Taehyung glance at the game board for a second before turning his gaze to him.

 

“It looks like he gave you a chance too, Appa,” Taehyung said, still looking only at Jin.

 

“Ah, you’re hurting my feelings now, son,” Mr. Kim laughed

 

Taehyung sat on the couch arm, placing the strawberries on the table and hugging his father’s side while giggling

 

Jin watched the boy’s beautiful boxy smile

 

Mr. Kim hugged his son fondly

 

Does he know what his Taebear has done to me... or keeps doing?

 

Jin needed another drink, or he’d lose his sanity soon

 

“Abeoji, congratulations on your winning. Here, please allow me the honor of sharing another glass with you,” Jin said, bowing politely as he reached for the bottle.

 

“Ah, Jin-ah,” Mr. Kim chuckled at the younger man’s cute, drunken state, holding his glass out for a refill

 

Jin felt a hand on his, stopping him

 

“I think that’s enough for both of you tonight, don’t you think?” Taehyung said, face unreadable, looking directly at him

 

He didn’t even call him “Hyung”

 

This brat

 

 

 

 

 

Jin didn’t know why, but suddenly, anger bubbled up inside him

 

They locked eyes in a heated stare until Mr. Kim chuckled again

 

“Okay, okay, Taebear. Your Appa will stop drinking now. But leave Jin-ah alone, he’s still young. He can drink until dawn!”

 

“Appa!” Taehyung scolded, pouting

 

Did he just pout after that dominant attitude?

 

“I’ll drink for you then. Cheers, Abeoji!” Jin said cheerfully, ignoring the boy.

 

He didn’t wait for a response. He downed the entire glass in one gulp.

 

Mr. Kim chuckled again

 

Jin began eating strawberries carelessly from the bowl Taehyung had brought

 

He could feel those tiger eyes stabbing him from across the room

 

He should be the one mad now

 

The boy had been touching him and bossing him around all night without permission.

 

Or had he given it?

 

Jin was slipping into his drunken haze, and he didn’t care anymore.

 

He needed to ignore all of it

 

Why did he even care?

 

He’d teach that brat a lesson later, when he had a clear mind.

 

For now, he’d enjoy his drink and these sweet strawberries

 

They were the boy’s favorites too, his drunken mind whispered

 

So what?

 

Can’t I enjoy them too? he argued back

 

He felt more frustrated, especially with the boy still within view,

leaning on his sleepy but collected father.

 

Still pouting

 

He’d been pouting all day

 

Jin wanted to be away from him as soon as possible

 

He needed a smoke

 

He had quit two years ago when he joined the military, and he’d been doing well.

But somehow, since setting foot in this neighborhood again, the craving returned.

 

He was a stress smoker. He smoked during fights with his ex, or when work overwhelmed him.

 

Now he was stressed

 

For a very different reason

 

He stood, bowing to Mr. Kim without stumbling

“Excuse me, Abeoji. I’ll step out for a smoke,” he said, still ignoring the boy

 

“Ah, son. Okay, it was a good game. I’ll see you around,” Mr. Kim said, already looking sleepy and red-faced,

leaning against Taehyung.

 

The said boy looked like he wanted to say something but stayed silent

 

Jin walked away, feeling those tiger eyes still following him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jin found an isolated spot in the backyard where he could smoke in peace.

He borrowed a cigarette box from Namjoon.

The elder was surprised that Namjoon had picked up the habit of smoking while he was away in the army.

 

He was planning to go back to his apartment to get his smokes, but to his surprise, Namjoon came forward and offered him a cigarette.

He was on his third one when he heard his name being called by Namjoon himself.

 

“Hyung, do you want to go inside and play games like old times?” Namjoon smiled and patted his back fondly.

 

 

Jin was glad for the distraction. He had been standing for almost one hour,

dwelling on his past and future. His hazy mind started to bring up all the past sad memories,

starting from his dog’s death to him starting military service soon,and then breaking up with his girlfriend.

He started to prepare his own law office after graduation.

 

He invested all his savings in the office, and he started to receive cases and projects,not many, but he managed all his finances very well.

 

He came from a well-known business family.

All his family members were already in business. His own father wanted him to take over his future big company,

but Jin refused. He wanted to walk his own path. Later, he discovered that path wasn’t for him either.

 

He hated the job and his major. He realized all of this wasn’t the real him. Jin still doesn’t know his real self either.

All he knows now is he loves games and likes to lie on his bed reading webtoons and manga all day.

 

But he has a family and a father to please, so he keeps acting like he really likes his current job. His egoistic self can’t accept defeat, especially in front of his strict father.

Sometimes he envies the Kim brothers, they got to choose who they want to be and what they want to do in life.

It isn’t like Jin wasn’t allowed to do just that, but he isn’t as brave as them to show his real colors and identity.

 

But what is his real identity? He himself isn’t sure how to answer that question

 

 

Jin felt the anger from earlier come back again. He felt the heat spreading in his body again.

 

So when Namjoon suggested they play video games, he agreed right away. He needed the distraction.

 

He was fine as long as he was distracted!

 

 

 

 

 

 

They played games until after midnight. Jin was having a good time bonding with his old  best friend.

 

They were loud, laughing, shouting, and blaming each other for their failures.

 

 

Jin was the loudest. He kept teasing Namjoon whenever he won, and Namjoon just rolled his eyes at him, smiling fondly at his hyung’s cute drunk antics.

 

He could feel when a specific someone came into the living room to watch them playing games.

 

He had changed his clothes already. He was wearing a very light oversized pink shirt and pairing it with cute pink pajama shorts.

 

They had brown bears printed on them. His hair looked devilish,maybe because the younger kept messing it up,  Jin thought

 

He sensed it when the younger sat on the other small couch, watching them play.

 

Jin’s heartbeat picked up its fast rhythm again!

 

Why is he even so immersed in the younger’s actions?

 

He had been avoiding him all night, never coming close to places where the younger was present.

 

He talked to Namjoon, Namjoon’s friends, Mr. & Mrs. Kim, even this Jeon Jungkook and Jimin guy.

He chatted with them sometime during the night

 

But never Taehyung

 

And he could sense those sharp eyes following him every time he moved

 

But Jin couldn’t acknowledge them

 

He was running from them

 

They reminded him of his sins

 

They looked at him like they were looking at his soul

 

Like they knew him better than everyone else

 

But how is that even possible?

 

When he himself doesn’t know his real self?

 

Namjoon had brought the Bokbunja and the strawberries bowl to their living area so they could share it while playing.

He saw how his hyung kept drinking the liquor like it was water.

 

Sometimes he would bring one strawberry to Namjoon’s lips, then eat it himself instead.

 

Yeah, his hyung was silly and cute when he was drunk

 

Namjoon suddenly noticed his brother looking upset, staring hard at…

 

His hyung

 

Or was he glaring?

 

Jin was yawning every two minutes. All his drinking had started to take a toll on his body.

He just wanted to lay on his comfy bed and sleep, but his competitive, stubborn mind refused.

 

He wanted to beat Namjoon one more time

 

“Just sleep here, Hyung!” he heard Namjoon suggest after he saw him yawning loudly for the past hour.

 

“You can sleep in Tae’s room, and he will sleep with me in my room”

 

 

 

 

NO

 

Big No

 

He can’t sleep on the younger’s bed when his body and mind are already a mess because of him.

 

What if his body betrays him when he lies on that bed, smelling like the strawberry he was eating all night?

 

What if his hazy mind plays tricks on him at night?

 

He can’t risk it

 

“I don’t have my sleeping wear with me, and you know I don’t like to sleep in my outside clothes,” Jin said, trying to escape.

 

“Ah, Hyung, I can lend you one. We are almost the same size. You look sleepy already,” Namjoon tried to argue back.

 

“Or do you want to sleep with me like old times?”

 

He can’t sleep with Namjoon in the same bed. They’re both grown men, and their sizes are big.

 

They can’t fit together on the same bed. Namjoon was tall and wide, almost like him.

 

He wasn’t the same—

 

Well, as Taehyung, who is more on the leaner side.

 

More delicate...

 

He needs to stop doing this.

 

Maybe he really needs to sleep ASAP

 

“But my bed is bigger. You can sleep there, and he will sleep with me in my room then!,” he heard Namjoon conclude, looking at his brother

 

The boy was standing there silently, watching them. He looked sleepy already and was still pouting

 

Again 

 

Jin couldn’t refuse when he saw his best friend getting excited about him spending the night.

He asked his brother to show Jin his room while Namjoon grabbed the pajama set for him.

 

Jin suddenly felt his heart beating fast at them being alone for a minute.

The boy was leading him through the hallway silently to his room.

 

When they reached, Jin stood awkwardly at the door, looking hesitant

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung was upset

 

He had been ignored all night by the man, and he saw him acting cutely with his brother earlier,

but refusing to even look at him?

 

Is it because he was still upset about the touching incident earlier?

 

Now the man has to sleep in his room, and Taehyung will not be there!

 

Fucking great!

 

And why did Namjoon suggest they sleep together and not Taehyung sleeping with the man in the same room?

 

He knows his room is smaller than his brother’s, but still, he wanted to sleep with the man too

 

He doesn’t care

 

He saw how the elder kept standing awkwardly at his door, looking embarrassed, face, ears, and neck all red.

 

He was still avoiding looking at him directly

 

“Hyung, come inside”

 

He tried to ease the elder

 

“I’m sorry I had to invade your room like this,” the man said, still avoiding his eyes

 

And Taehyung had already had enough of the ignoring the man was torturing him with

 

Taehyung suddenly felt a dark energy possess him. He found himself grabbing the man’s hand and dragging him into his room, closing the door.

 

 

 

“Look at me!” Taehyung demanded

 

 

He saw how the elder’s eyes got bigger at that action, his breath held

 

They were standing near the closed door of Taehyung’s bedroom, with his back close to the wall and Jin standing in front of him—

 

Breathing hard

 

“What are you doing?” The man’s facial expression started to shift to an angry one, now looking directly at Taehyung.

 

finallly

 

He took his hand harshly from the younger’s grip

 

“I want you to look at me, Hyung. You’ve been ignoring me all night!!” Taehyung’s voice rose a bit, feeling his frustration growing more in that moment.

 

He felt his body and mind aching, as if he were being stomped on in the heart.

He had never experienced being ignored before.

 

Even by his partners, family, or friends—he was always their center of attention.

 

But this man was ignoring him like he wasn’t there. Ignoring his touches, his stares..

 

As if Taehyung didn’t try to touch him in an inappropriate way earlier that night...

 

Taehyung felt hurt!

 

He knew he was acting in a childish and immature way with the elder now.

 

 

But he couldn’t help it

 

Suddenly, Jin leaned closer, making him step backward until his back hit the bedroom wall.

He was breathing hard, face and ears all red. Taehyung wasn’t sure if it was because he had been drinking all night or—

 

Was he angry ?

 

The man’s wide figure was towering over his, looked so intimidating at that moment as he cornered him, leaning over and putting one hand beside his head

 

Taehyung had never felt so small before

 

 

Taehyung felt the heat spreading around his body, burning his entire existence. ,

He felt his blood running through his veins hard. He could feel his heart beating so fast that he could hear it in his ears.

 

He had never been this close to the man since his arrival at their doorstep. From this close angle…

He could see his wide, exposed forehead glistening due to his breathless state.

His deep, beautiful eyes narrowed and locked with his in a heated stare that made Taehyung want to flinch.

His sharp nose pointed at Taehyung like it was blaming him for upsetting this man already.

His full, plump lips—now so close—looked red because of the man’s drunken state.

 

And when he saw them move...

 

Taehyung really wanted to kiss them. To just test the texture. To see whether they tasted the same as they looked.

 

“Do you think this is funny?” he heard the man’s angry, deep voice.

 

“Are you enjoying all of this?”

 

 

Taehyung could smell both the Bokbunja and the cigarette Jin had been drinking and smoking earlier, mixed with a sweet smell like strawberry jam.

He couldn’t hear the elder clearly, all his focus was soaking up all these smells together.

He wanted to drown in it

 

What if he just stepped closer to taste them?

 

To just end his desperate need for the other

 

Now he was pressed to the wall under him. Taehyung had his full attention, all his body heat seeping from that wide figure to his.

 

Does this man even know how Taehyung was ready to risk it all for him?

 

That he was this desperate for his attention and touch all these past days?

 

Taehyung wanted to be closer. More than this. He wanted—

 

“Kim Taehyung?!” Jin’s angry voice had risen a bit but not enough to attract attention from outside.

 

Yet

 

Shit

Jin had just called him by his full name. No more that “Taetae”

 

“Are you even listening?”

 

“Hyung...” he tried to reply, but he couldn’t find his voice now

 

Jin was still looking angry. His gaze didn’t waver from his, and Taehyung wasn’t sure what expression he was making on his face right now

but whatever it was, it obviously made the elder angrier.

 

“I asked you if you find all this funny?” Jin’s voice was on the edge

 

And Taehyung, intimidated, shook his head furiously, no. He could smell Jin’s mixed fruity breath stronger now.

 

Although he himself hadn’t drunk one sip of liquor that day, he felt drunk already

 

Drunk on Jin’s sweet breath mixed with his natural masculine aftershave smell

 

Drunk on him

 

 

He hated smokers,  All his past partners weren’t smokers.

 

But it seemed he was about to change that

 

What ?

 

Because why does the smoke smell make him feel hot, like he is the one smoking?!

 

 

The room felt a bit darker now, lit only by Taehyung’s bedside yellow lamp.

Everything outside his room looked so distant now, like they were in a different world and dimension, where he was so close to the man and...

 

Taehyung didn’t want to go out of that dimension

 

He watched  how Jin’s eyes looked a bit sad now, locking with his, but they didn’t lose the heated edge

 

“What do you want from me?” Jin asked him, voice sounding breathless

 

Taehyung never dared to waver his gaze from Jin’s eyes, staring deeply at him,

wishing he could transfer what he was feeling at that moment.

 

He himself didn’t know what he wanted from the man. All he knew—

 

 

“I want to be closer”

 

 

Surprising himself. He felt Jin’s breath hitch at that

 

They kept staring at each other for a few more seconds before he saw Jin gulp, his eyes moving from his to his lips

 

Only for a second, and then he brought them back, looking at him drunkenly

 

 

Taehyung felt his heart want to escape his ribcage. He felt the man stepping closer, his sweet breath fanning over Taehyung’s lips now

 

Their heated gaze was still there, like they were daring each other to come forward

 

Taehyung made his first mistake that night when he looked at those plump lips again

 

He felt all the emotions he had for the man double in that moment

 

He made his second mistake and closed his eyes when he sensed the man pressing even closer

 

“Hy...ung.”

 

He felt the man halt his breath for a second before he heard a loud noise beside his head, like someone punched the wall

 

Hard

 

“FUCK”

 

It was the man's angry voice

 

All his sense of the man disappeared, and he opened his eyes to find Jin already walking out of the room, shutting the door loudly

 

Taehyung couldn’t catch his breath again easily, his heart beating crazily. He shut his eyes again, trying to keep the man’s wild look with him longer

 

He could still smell his sweet, hot breath over his lips

 

Taehyung now knows his favorite mix is Bokbunja with strawberry and

 

Those lips

 

 

 

Notes:

I had a very tough week ,

I hoped you enjoyed this mess!

 

the last sence is inspired by that fetus Taejin Photo , if you know what I mean

I will come again and edit for any mistakes , please forgive me in advance

Have a nice weekend <3

Chapter 7: Close Enough

Summary:

He wants to kiss the boy

But Jin never kissed a boy before !

He always kisses women

 

Warning: Long chapter ahead

Notes:

Hi :)

This is one of my favourite Chapters until now , I have enjoyed writing every word on it and I hope you enjoy reading it too <3

 

 

 

 

“I want to be closer”

 

 

What the hell does that even mean?

 

Jin was close to losing his mind already. For all the past weeks,

that was the only thought in his mind, rolling day in and day out.

He had locked himself in his house for a while since that dinner party at the Kim house,

and he regretted now that he accepted their invitation from the start.

 

He regretted drinking that Bokbunja,

 

He regretted even agreeing to spend the night there,

 

He knew his body and mind would betray him at the end of the night—especially since he was close to staying at that tiger’s cave, with him within the same zone area.

 

But what he didn’t know was how the boy demanded his attention verbally, how he looked at his lips and then closed his eyes after—

Like he was expecting Jin to kiss him.

 

And what really shocked Jin was—

He wanted to kiss the boy

 

He wanted to taste those beautiful pink lips!

 

But Jin had never kissed a boy

 

He had always kissed women

 

 

 

And that’s what made him spend sleepless nights over the past weeks.

 

 

 

 

He had cornered the boy in order to intimidate him, to scare him so he would stop all this bullshit going on for almost two months now.

But when he saw the boy looking at his lips and closing his beautiful eyes, Jin lost it.

 

The boy’s long lashes fluttered when he pressed closer to him; he saw his pink lips parting a little, inviting him more.

 

He had never wanted to kiss someone that badly before—

 

Even his ex-girlfriend

 

And that fact hurt him more

 

He wanted to kiss a boy younger than him by 12 years

 

Twelve damn years!!

 

 

Does this make him a pervert?

 

A pedophile???

 

No—he isn’t a boy. He’s a man, his left brain whispered.

 

A grown man

 

 

Namjoon’s little brother, his right brain argued back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was a Friday night，

The sky had been pouring rain since the afternoon

 

The summer’s mood swings had taken a toll on the city， The weather was cloudy and a bit cold that night.

 

It was around 11 p.m. when he decided to sleep early.

His mind couldn’t stop thinking about the curly-haired boy unless he was sleeping or drunk out of his sanity.

He decided to go with the first safe option for the night.

 

He had been drinking every day for the past few days.

He wasn’t sleeping or eating well either, so he decided to sleep some and try to silence his mind and heart for a bit.

He had stopped his gym training too—didn’t feel like straining his body when his heart was heavy and his mind was overthinking.

He should have been preparing for his business comeback, but he couldn’t find enough will to do that.

He just spent his days staring at his bedroom wall—

Staring at nothing in particular.

 

 

Namjoon had called once or twice—he couldn’t remember exactly—after that night to check on him.

He still felt guilty that he had lied to him about the reason why he didn’t spend the night at their home, giving a very silly excuse.

But he felt so grateful at the same time for Namjoon’s understanding nature. They didn’t mention anything regarding the youngest Kim during those calls.

 

And he appreciated Namjoon again for that

 

 

He was trying to find some sleep that night when he heard his phone ringtone suddenly—for the first time in five days.

 

Who was calling him this late?

 

He saw Mrs. Kim’s name on his phone screen, and Jin felt worried instantly.

 

Why was Mrs. Kim calling him on a Friday night?

 

“Hello?”

 

“Jin-ah, are you asleep?” Her voice sounded hesitant and anxious at the same time.

 

Jin felt fear creeping into his heart now.

 

“No, Eomonim. Are you okay?”

 

“Sorry to disturb you this late, son, but your uncle and Namjoonie went on a business trip today, and I didn’t find anyone else to call but you.”

 

Yeah, he did remember Namjoon mentioning that in one of his calls—that he would go with Mr. Kim

for a business deal trip in a foreign country. He couldn’t remember where exactly.

 

“Yeah, tell me, Eomonim! Are you guys okay? Do you need anything?” He was really worried now.

“Yeah, we’re fine, son. I’m just worried about Taehyungie,” her voice was anxious.

 

Jin’s heart beat faster when he heard the younger’s name.

“Is he okay? What happened?”

 

“I just want you to check on him. I tried to call him just now—he seems drunk—and I tried to call his friends,

but they said he wasn’t hanging out with them. Can you drive and bring him back home, son? I’m worried.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Do you know his location? I’ll go now.” He started to get out of bed fast.

 

“I couldn’t get any words from him. He was wasted, and I’m worried how he’s going to get back home now.

It was raining outside earlier.” Mrs. Kim sounded dreadful too.

 

“Don’t worry, Eomonim. I’ll bring him home safely.

 

Please send me his phone number. I’ll try to call him myself”

 

“Ah, thank you, son”

 

He was out of his house in no time, grabbing his car keys and starting to drive,

his phone pressed to his ear as he tried to call the younger, but there was no response.

 

The rain had stopped already, and Jin didn’t know where exactly he should look for the younger.

After the third call, he heard Taehyung’s slurred voice.

 

“He...llo.”

 

“Yah, Kim Taehyung! Where are you?”

 

Some rustling—there was a lot of noise in the background, like some kind of club’s high-volume music.

 

“Hy...ung?” Jin wasn’t sure which “hyung” the boy was referring to, but he answered anyway.

 

“Yeah. Tell me your address now,” he commanded.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He couldn’t understand half of the words, but he could hear the DJ in the background shouting the club name as a welcome to the audience.

 

He directly searched the club name on his phone and drove there, trying not to disconnect the call with the younger.

He hadn’t gotten enough useful words from him till now.

 

He just started by calling his name every two minutes to keep him busy until he reached there,

praying that the younger would stay in one place until he arrived at the club.

 

Itaewon streets were buzzing with weekend partygoers—young people and students going from one karaoke room to another,

taking rounds of alcohol and food. Jin remembered his teenage years were full of gaming, study, and trying to please his parents.

He wasn’t typically the “go party” type of teenager.

 

He parked his car not too far from the club and walked hastily,

phone still pressed to his ear. This time, he heard Taehyung’s slurred voice announce he would be waiting for him at the club entrance.

Jin doubted the boy was actually able to walk, but he headed to the main entrance anyway.

He found him leaning on the wall beside the entrance, trying not to fall down due to his drunkenness.

 

The boy looked lost and sleepy already, trying to keep the phone pressed to his ear as per Jin’s request.

 

And Jin’s heart did a flip!

 

He just realized how much he had missed the younger boy.

 

When Taehyung saw him, he felt his breath come back again, filling his lungs with fresh air.

 

He hadn’t expected to see him that day!

 

The man looked tired, like he hadn’t slept for a long time. His short hair had grown a bit in those two weeks,

and it looked like he’d lost some weight too.

 

He saw his injured hand wrapped in white,

and Taehyung’s blood ran cold for a second before he remembered their last interaction—and the man punching his bedroom wall hard.

 

Stupid Hyung!

 

When he came closer, Taehyung could see his scattered appearance.

The man looked like he hadn’t shaved for a while; his beard was starting to grow a bit on his chin.

He was wearing an oversized full-black hoodie, sweatpants, and home slippers.

 

He looked sleepy and tired but still the most handsome man Taehyung had ever seen.

Taehyung’s heart clenched when he saw him slowly coming over, looking hesitant and worried, face still, eyes blazing.

 

Even in his hazy mind, Taehyung could only look at him in a room full of people.

 

He missed the elder man so much.

 

After that night—and for all the past two weeks, one day, and fourteen hours—Taehyung had counted every second he didn’t see the man in it.

 

He tried to ask Namjoon about him, but his brother dismissed him,

saying the man was busy with work, which was why he hadn’t shown up for the past days.

 

He tried to distract himself, going out every night to karaoke rooms,

hanging out with Jimin and Jungkook. He tried drinking too—it didn’t help take his mind off the elder man.

 

He spent his past days watching their main door, anticipating the man’s comeback at their doorstep.

He purposely lingered at their front porch just to get a glimpse of the man, maybe.

 

But all his attempts had failed, and he found himself desperate for the man on the fifth day.

He just couldn’t stop thinking about him—

How he was so close to him that night.

 

How he was so close to kissing him!!

 

But after he saw him, he couldn’t help but feel angry at the man now.

 

He shouldn’t—

 

But he couldn’t control his body when he felt himself walking away from the man, ignoring him.

 

“Taehyung!”

 

“Yah! Wait!”

 

Why did he agree to let the man drive him back home?

 

When he heard that voice again on the phone earlier,

he couldn’t help but agree to whatever the elder was saying.

 

That’s how desperate he was

 

 

He didn’t reply and kept walking angrily, trying to, but his body kept swinging right and left.

 

“Kim Taehyung!”

 

He could hear the man’s angry, raised voice trying to follow him.

He didn’t know exactly where he was going—he just wanted to be away from him.

 

“Where are you going?” He felt Jin grip his arm firmly from behind, trying to stop him from walking further.

 

“Why are you here?” He was staring daggers at the man now and felt himself sobering a bit because of that.

 

“To drive you back home. I brought my car. Come on, let’s get you home,” the man said, looking worried now.

 

“I don’t need a ride. I’ll go back by metro or bus.”

 

 

“What?!” He looked confused now

 

Taehyung didn’t answer and kept walking in the direction he thought the metro station was.

 

“Taehyung, wait!!” Jin was following him again

 

The chilly air was creeping under his thin shirt.

It was past midnight now, but the area was still buzzing with people, and he was praying that the train was still running late for the weekend.

 

He knew he was being stubborn now, or maybe Jin would find him childish, but he didn’t care.

 

If the man was fine ignoring him for the past days, he could show him that he could do the same!

 

It’s an eye for an eye now!

 

He kept walking, although his steps weren’t that stable, but he kept walking and cheered internally when he

saw the metro station. People were still coming and going from there, and Jin was still following him.

 

Jin saw him going inside the nearby metro station—steps not stable but fast—and followed him anyway.

He called Mrs. Kim at the same time to let her know that he had already got a hold of the younger.

 

The boy was struggling with the card machine, trying to hit it with his foot. Jin’s eyes widened.

 

He cursed his luck that night and hurriedly tapped his own card instead for the younger to be able to pass.

 

They hastily boarded the train. There weren’t any available empty seats; the train was almost full with night riders.

Jin followed the younger, and he saw him find an empty spot at the back of the train, near the glass door,

leaning on it. Jin stood silently beside him, keeping a safe distance between them but close enough to keep his eye on the drunken boy.

 

 

They didn’t talk to each other for most of the ride, and the boy kept dozing in and out of sleep while standing,

sometimes his head knocking back on the glass door or tilting to the side like it would fall from his neck any moment. Jin wanted to help the younger,

but after seeing him upset earlier, he was afraid of touching him.

 

He couldn’t understand why exactly he was angry

 

 

 

Fine—maybe he knew why, but still—

 

The boy had been just fine earlier!!

 

 

After their last interaction, Jin had decided he would stay as far as possible from the younger from now on.

He would not encourage the boy in whatever was going on between them.

He would not betray Namjoon’s and the Kim family’s trust.

 

If the boy was confused, it was because he was still so young and still exploring his identity,

and Jin shouldn’t take advantage of that confusion.

 

He couldn’t deny that he had missed the younger during the past period of time,

but maybe he was just missing feeling desired or wanted by someone else.

 

That didn’t exactly mean he missed Taehyung himself—maybe he was projecting his loneliness onto a much younger,

 

confused boy

 

Maybe he was selfish, as his past girlfriend had said

His thoughts got interrupted when he noticed an old creepy man sitting on the opposite side of the train,

eyeing the boy from head to toe.

The boy was wearing a flashy outfit that night, a very soft green silk blouse tucked into very tight black jeans.

He was also wearing a lot of flashy accessories, his thick black curls falling all over his face.

 

And was he wearing smoky eye makeup?

 

Jin had just noticed the boy’s appearance.

 

He had been too worried and in his head all night following the younger unconsciously.

His worries and anxiety came rushing back when he saw that creepy man looking at the younger like he had just stepped out of an adult magazine.

 

Jin felt an uneasy, angry feeling rise in his chest

 

 

 

 

It crept into his heart. He moved from beside the boy to stand in front of him instead,

still keeping a safe distance but also blocking the creepy man’s eyesight from the younger.

 

In his head, he justified his action as protecting the younger like a caring hyung.

But deep down, he just wanted to punch the old man in the face.

And maybe he wanted to wake the boy up and ask him why he was wearing those clothes to a club in the middle of a Friday night. He knew he didn’t have the right to do the latter though.

 

The boy was still young and free; he could wear whatever he liked!!

 

The number of train passengers was increasing now with every station,

and they found themselves pressed together against the train’s left-side door.

Taehyung was pressed with his back to the glass door, and Jin was trying—but failing—not to be pressed directly against him.

 

But as more people crowded in at every stop,

he couldn’t help but be pushed closer to the boy. He put his non-injured hand above the boy’s head to keep a little distance between their bodies.

 

The boy was shorter than him by only a few inches, making his head rest at Jin’s jaw level. Jin felt his hot breath on his neck, and his body shuddered because of it!

 

It was the weekend, and because this was the last train scheduled for the night,

it was crowded with drunken young people and high school groups chatting loudly. But between him and the boy, it seemed very quiet.

From that angle, Jin could smell the boy’s sweet shampoo—it smelled like vanilla and strawberry. Jin’s heart clenched,

remembering their last interaction a few weeks ago when he was so close to tasting the strawberry the boy had been eating all day.

 

Why did he always smell so sweet?

He could see how the boy was sobering up a bit now; his cheeks looked pink.

Was it because he had been drinking, or was he blushing? He seemed calmer now than during his earlier rage.

 

They were avoiding each other’s eyes for most of the ride, each one trying to look in a different direction.

With Jin’s height, he had the advantage of looking over the boy’s head at the passing scenery.

Seoul’s night lights looked beautiful after the heavy rain that night. He felt the train stop at one station,

and many more people came inside—now the train was fully packed with night riders.

It was starting to feel suffocating already. The person behind Jin pushed him even more toward the boy.

 

“So... sorry,” Jin tried to apologize to the boy.

 

“It’s okay, Hyung.” He could still hear the boy’s soft voice over the crowd.

 

A few silent moments passed between them after that. He thought the boy had fallen asleep already—until he felt something, or someone,

tugging at his hoodie. Jin started to feel the boy’s hands clutching at the lower part of his shirt under his open black hoodie. His heartbeat picked up speed at that.

 

His heart had been beating hard since he was first pressed against the younger.

His breath caught in his throat when he felt the boy tilt his head slightly and start to nuzzle against his jaw.

 

Was he... smelling him?

 

Jin felt so embarrassed. He hadn’t been taking care of his hygiene very well over the past days.

He felt a bit relieved that he had at least showered before going to bed that night—and had remembered to change his clothes before rushing out after Mrs. Kim’s call. But still,

Jin hadn’t expected to be smelled by the boy that night,

pressed together in a crowded train. He could feel the boy’s sharp nose pressing against his left cheek now, and Jin felt like his soul was leaving his body.

 

“Smells good”

 

 

The boy’s voice sounded breathless against his ear.

Jin was fighting his body now. He felt himself tilting his head to the right to give the boy some space.

 

What the heck was he doing? his mind screamed at him now.

 

He tried to scan their surroundings to check whether they were being watched by other passengers,

only to find that no one seemed to care about them. Most riders were busy looking at their phones, too distracted to notice.

 

They were pressed against the back glass door, isolated from others,

with Jin’s wide back covering the younger from any watchful eyes.

 

He suddenly felt those daring hands sneaking around him now, trying to hug him under his open hoodie

 

 

 

He started to panic

 

“Taehyung-ah…” he tried to call the younger, trying not to stutter.

 

He sensed how the younger shuddered at that and moved his nose sensually back to his neck, breathing unstable now.

 

“Cold,” Taehyung’s voice was slurred now.

 

Cold?

 

He noticed earlier that the younger’s light silk shirt was unbuttoned for the first three buttons,

and he was wearing a small scarf around his neck.

 

He must be feeling cold due to the rainy and windy weather earlier,

and now with both of them standing under the direct AC system on the train, it felt a bit chilly.

 

He knew all his life that people—including himself—tended to feel hot under alcohol’s effect.

 

But it seemed the boy’s body worked differently.

 

“Hy...ung, I said I’m feeling cooold”

 

He could hear the boy’s drunk, whiny tone raise a bit when he saw the elder not responding to his whining.

 

Jin flinched at the raised tone

 

“Shhh, come here”

 

 

He tried to calm the younger, afraid he would attract their surroundings’ attention as Taehyung was now clinging to his body, his hands glued to his back.

 

Jin couldn’t fight his body anymore and found himself hugging the younger back,

using his injured hand to steady him and dragging him closer when he felt the train picking up speed again after departing from the last station.

 

The younger’s breathing slowed a bit, feeling the elder’s closeness

 

 

Why did they always find themselves in awkward, touchy situations whenever one of them was drunk?

 

Jin felt his ears and face growing red as he remembered their last interaction—with the younger pressed under him,

 

almost kissing him!

 

He felt the boy start to lean more on him, resting his heavy head on Jin’s torso now

 

Jin tried to use his non-injured hand to find support for both their weights,

pressing it against the train’s glass door.

 

Taehyung’s body started to feel heavier as he leaned more against the elder.

His fluffy curls tickled Jin’s jaw and nose.

 

Jin could still smell the boy’s sweet shampoo,

but now mixed with the faint scent of alcohol he’d been drinking that night.

 

He dared to look down at the boy, finding him already fast asleep—eyes closed,

his beautiful long eyelashes fluttering with every breath he took.

 

And with every hum from the AC above, Jin couldn’t see his lips,

but he felt a bit of wetness seeping through his shirt, and Jin was sure he was one of those messy drinkers.

 

A sudden fondness filled his heart as he remembered how the small “Taetae,”

round-faced and full-cheeked, used to spill his drinks everywhere while trying to catch butterflies in their backyard

 

How his tiny hands couldn’t hold much of the snacks Jin used to sneak for him back then, without Mrs. Kim knowing.

 

He would try to grab as many snacks as possible in his tiny hands and shove them all into his little mouth.

 

Jin used to scold him softly for that, but ended up forgiving him anyway.

 

He also still remembered small Taetae falling asleep on his lap,

mouth open and drooling on Jin’s pants after they watched the New Year fireworks together.

Jin had been leaving the next day for university—leaving him, Namjoon, and their old neighborhood behind.

 

Looking at the younger’s sleeping face, he suddenly felt like all those years apart had never happened.

 

The boy somehow still looked like the same “Taetae” Jin used to take care of when they were younger.

 

He didn’t look like the same demanding, evil man who had kept Jin on edge all these past days.

 

He felt the younger hugging him tighter, whining in his sleep when he heard the loudspeaker announcing the upcoming station.

 

Seriously, how much had he drunk?

 

 

The boy was still young. He shouldn’t be wasting his life drinking,

partying, or standing alone in the night and under the rain!!

 

He should be sleeping in his room, planning for his upcoming semester or life. He should be surrounded by his friends.

 

Jin felt a strange feeling of protectiveness toward the boy—for the first time.

 

He pulled Taehyung closer so he wouldn’t knock his head on the glass door behind.

He felt the boy’s head rest on his left shoulder now.

 

Jin was trying to transfer part of his body heat to warm the younger.

His hoodie acted as a bit of a blanket for him for now.

 

No, this wasn’t the first time he’d felt protective of the younger—he realized.

 

The truth was, he had been taking care of and protecting him since their younger days

 

Whenever small “Taetae” scraped his knees and cried from the pain after falling off his bicycle,

whenever he got bullied in preschool—Jin was there!

 

And when he cried because Jin was leaving for university,

every time he remembered that small crying face, his heart ached.

 

He was pulled out of his memories when he heard their station name coming next.

Now he had to wake up the drunken boy and drag him to the exit—

 

Without causing a scene

 

 

“Taehyung-ah, wake up. We’ll reach our station soon”

 

No response from the other

 

“Taehyung-ah”

 

He tried again

 

“Mmmh…”

 

“Wake up.”

 

Some gibberish language came out, and then the younger stirred a bit, but kept whining and clinging to Jin.

 

The elder didn’t have any option other than to grasp the boy’s hands and break their lock over his back

 

Instead, he tried to hold his small waist gently but firmly to drag him through the sea of people—swimming toward the main door so they could get down on time before the train doors closed.

He tried not to lose the younger through that storm.

 

Once they stepped off the train, Jin kept dragging the younger to one of the seats at the station.

He made him sit while still struggling with a very whiny and clingy Taehyung.

He watched as the younger leaned his head back drunkenly.

 

Was he like this whenever he was drunk?

 

Jin didn’t want to think about the suffering faced by whoever had been responsible for taking care of drunk Taehyung before.

Somehow that thought made his heart clench a bit.

 

But Jin wasn’t ready to face those feelings just yet. Right now, he needed to focus so he could take care of Taehyung and make sure he got home safely.

 

So they could wrap up this night!

 

He was feeling tired himself from all the emotional rollercoaster he’d been through in the past hours.

 

He took off his hoodie and put it on Taehyung when he saw him shivering nonstop.

He was wrapping it around the younger’s lean body when he felt him start to whine again.

 

“Water”

 

“Are you thirsty?”

 

“Waaa...ter,”

the younger started to kick his feet and kept whining, eyes still closed, lips pouting.

 

“Shhh, okay, okay. I’ll bring you water. Just stay here, okay?”

 

Jin sighed for the ninth time that night when he saw how the younger kept talking gibberish again and leaned on the seat,

snuggling more into Jin’s hoodie.

 

Jin went to search for the damn water and found a vending machine luckily nearby.

 

He waited there, but kept his eyes on the younger lying on the seat.

 

He brought the water bottle later and tried to wake the younger softly,

but Taehyung seemed to have already fallen asleep again while waiting.

 

He wasn’t cooperating when Jin tried to make him drink some water,

always kicking his legs and talking nonsense. Jin had to put the bottle opening to his mouth and shush him to make him drink some water.

 

The younger’s lips turned a pinkish shade now because of his drunken state,

trying to drink clumsily but missing, letting the water run down his jaw instead.

 

“Yah! Taehyung-ah, wait, wait!”

 

Jin removed the bottle and came closer to the younger’s face,

trying to dab away the spilled water near his mouth and jaw using the younger’s designer scarf.

 

He saw the boy’s half-lidded eyes look at his before shifting to his lips—and Jin’s heartbeat rocked again.

 

This was dangerous!

 

He tried to move back when one of the boy’s long fingers touched his lower lip.

 

“Have you been bitten by a bee here?” the boy slurred, then started laughing at his bad joke,

leaning his head again on the seat drunkenly.

 

Jin moved fast, feeling his body electrified by that small action.

 

This was dangerous!

 

 

 

“Yah! Enough, get yourself together. We need to get you home fast”

 

He straightened up, feeling embarrassed

 

“Hy...ung,” he heard that whiny voice again

 

He didn’t reply, busy trying to make the younger wear his hoodie properly instead,

his ears turning red because of Taehyung’s silly touches.

 

“Hyuuung.”

 

“What?” He wished they could just get home faster

 

“Hurts,” the younger pouted

 

What?

 

He watched the younger’s hands and body to see whether he had hurt the boy during the hoodie process,

but he found nothing to be concerned about.

 

“Where?”

The younger was still pouting, pointing to his feet.

 

Aha!

 

He just realized the boy was wearing high-fashion boots,

and his feet must be hurting after all the walking and standing on the train.

 

Jin knelt beside the boy’s feet and tried to take off the long boots.

 

Why did he wear this kind of thing?

 

He had noticed the younger’s fashion taste since he first saw him,

but he had never seen him wear such fancy, fashionable clothes before.

 

Whom did he need to impress?

 

Again, Jin didn’t want to entertain that part of his thoughts tonight

 

Due to his injury, he tried to work with one hand. He put the younger’s foot on his knee, trying to open the damn boot zipper!

 

“Hurts...” it was Taehyung’s pouty voice again

 

“I know. Sorry”

 

He looked up at the younger apologetically, only to find him looking down at him already, biting his lips and smiling.

 

Or was that a smirk on his face?

 

That little brat was back again

 

He was enjoying Jin’s suffering

 

Jin ignored him and kept on taking his boots off.

 

“Glad you’re enjoying this, but we need to get you home ASAP. Your mother must be worried right now.”

 

“I don’t wanna waaalk.”

 

Jin sighed for the hundredth time that night.

 

Why would this night never end?

 

He crouched again in front of the brat, giving him his back

 

“Come on, Hyung will carry you”

 

Taehyung responded slowly, dragging himself and landing with a huff on Jin’s back,

giggling. He put his hands around his neck, almost suffocating him.

 

Jin stood up easily with the younger on his back, trying not to lose balance.

He used his injured hand to steady the overexcited Taehyung on his back and held his boots in the other hand.

 

He realized the boy’s weight was so light compared to his height. His lean body was swallowed by Jin’s oversized hoodie.

 

Taehyung kept giggling and talking nonsense; Jin couldn’t understand what the hell he was saying

 

He marched up the stairs, embarrassed that everyone was staring at them because of the younger’s antics.

 

“Hyuuung, you’re really strong!”

 

“Yah! Stop moving, or you’ll fall down!” He tried to scold the boy, only to receive more whining instead.

 

They were out of the station and into the Seoul night in no time. They reached their quiet neighborhood;

 

the night sky was full of stars, a contrast to the early cloudy evening.

 

The weather was still chilly. Jin slowed his steps when he felt the younger quiet down.

He felt Taehyung’s breathing slow, the boy’s nose and mouth so close to his ear that Jin felt his ears redden because of it.

 

He remembered now how the boy had said he wanted to be closer

 

It was ridiculous—how he’d avoided him for the past two weeks,

and when they finally saw each other again, the universe threw the boy onto his back and granted the younger’s wish!

 

Wasn’t this close enough?

 

On cue, he felt the younger hug his neck tighter and hum against his ear.

 

He thought he had already fallen asleep again until he heard

 

“Hy...ung.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Silence

 

“Hyuuung”

 

“Yeah,” he answered, not sure where his patience was coming from.

 

He felt the younger snuggling more into his neck.

 

“Don’t ignore me.” Taehyung’s voice was small, and Jin knew he was pouting now.

 

He felt a lump in his throat

 

“I didn’t”

 

“You did.” The boy’s whiny tone was back again.

 

“You can’t ignore me!” He felt the boy’s grip tighten around his neck.

 

Okay

 

That demanding brat

 

Jin didn’t reply.

He kept climbing the neighborhood stairs, the early morning’s dark silence surrounding them.

They were alone, with only Jin’s footsteps and Taehyung’s whiny voice echoing through the empty streets.

 

“If you ignore me again, I’ll bite you!” Taehyung’s voice was serious.

 

And Jin couldn’t help but laugh.

 

“Oh? You don’t believe me?” The younger’s slurred voice made Jin laugh even more.

 

He felt the younger’s teeth on his shoulder in an attempt to bite him.

 

“Yah! What are you doing?!”

 

“You didn’t believe me”

 

“I’ll drop you here if you don’t keep still,” he tried to threaten the boy.

 

He heard him whine a small “No” and snuggle even more against his back.

 

He didn’t speak again and stopped moving altogether

 

Jin kept walking for a few more minutes in silence before he felt the younger’s weight grow heavier.

 

It meant he’d fallen asleep again

 

Good

Jin needed to sort out his thoughts—and maybe his...

 

Heart?

 

This was a lot to take in for one night!!!

 

They’d been apart for two weeks but had come so close together in just one night?!

 

He wanted to be away from the younger, yet his heart and body felt calm when he was close to him at the same time.

 

For all the past weeks, he had been battling with his heart and mind. Now his body was in the equation too.

 

What did he even want from the younger?

 

He couldn’t lie and say he hadn’t missed the boy these past weeks.

 

He had ignored him and never visited the Kim house after that night.

 

But at the same time, he hadn’t stopped thinking about him—

 

His beautiful eyes

 

Soft hair

And those pink lips

 

Jin saw the Kim house coming into view as they neared their destination.

His heart clenched a bit when he realized he’d have to let go of the boy soon.

 

But wasn’t that what he’d wished for at the beginning of the night?

 

He stopped to catch his breath before ringing the bell. Mrs. Kim opened the door,

and Jin bowed slightly, trying not to drop the sleepy boy on his back.

 

“Eomonim”

 

“Aigoo, Jin-ah, we’ve burdened you tonight, son!” She hurried to usher them inside when she saw her son’s drunken state.

She quickly took the younger’s boots from Jin’s hand.

 

“No burden. This is my duty. He’s sleeping now”

 

Mrs. Kim tried to wake the sleepy boy, but he started whining and refused to get down,

hiding his face against Jin’s back.

 

Jin felt embarrassed in front of Mrs. Kim. She looked at him apologetically.

 

“It’s fine, Eomonim. I can drop him in his bedroom”

 

She led him to the younger’s room, and Jin’s heartbeat quickened,

remembering their past interaction there. With Mrs. Kim’s help, he managed to lay the boy on his bed

 

This time, he didn’t fight them and directly snuggled under the covers,

still wearing Jin’s hoodie

 

Jin let out a big breath when he saw the younger safely tucked in his bed.

They watched him sleep for a minute before hearing Mrs. Kim sigh beside him.

 

“I don’t know what’s going on with him these days”

 

She looked at Jin with a small, sad smile

“He’s fine, Eomonim. Kids his age like to have fun these days”

They left the younger’s room quietly so as not to disturb his sleep

 

“He hasn’t been himself since he came back from Jeju. For all these past weeks,

he’s been going out every night. Me and his father are worried he’s hanging out with one of those bad groups, you know?”

 

What?

The boy had been partying every night?

With whom?

 

Who took care of him when he was like this?

 

As if hearing his thoughts—

 

“Namjoonie had to bring him home every time.

But since he and his father are on a business trip now, I didn’t want to worry them,

so I called you, son. I was so worried. I’m sorry to disturb your sleep.” She rubbed his arm softly.

 

At least it was Namjoon who took care of the younger before, his selfish heart whispered.

 

“I wasn’t sleeping. Please don’t feel sorry, Eomonim. I’m like Namjoon too. Please call me whenever you need anything.”

 

She smiled at him softly before her gaze landed on his injured hand. He tried to hide it behind his back,

 

feeling embarrassed

 

“What happened to your hand, son?”

 

“Ah, I just cut it while cooking”

 

“Aigoo, you have to be more careful! Do you want me to cook for you from now on? You look tired—and it seems you haven’t been eating well”

 

“No, no. I can cook. I already feel so regretful for how much you’ve cared for me these days”

 

“We’re family, Jinnie. I’m happy you’re here with us” 

 

 

Yes, she was right. They are family, and...

 

He shouldn’t think of kissing a family member that way

 

Jin felt the guilt doubling now

 

Later, he said his goodbye to Mrs. Kim, his heart feeling heavy with only one realization

 

 

 

 

He wanted to be closer too

 

 

 

 

Chapter 8: A Good Hyung

Summary:

He realized that the man was doing Namjoon’s duties now

Calling often to check whether they need anything , checking on him

Like a big brother

Taehyung doesn’t need another brother !

 

He needs A Man !

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Your daddy is here,” he heard Jimin’s teasing voice, wiggling his eyebrows at him.

“What?”

 

He turned around only to see Jin leaning on his car, wearing a black shirt tucked into denim jeans,

accompanied by a black cap and summer shades.

 

“Hyung?..”

 

He waved at them with a small smile, one hand tucked in his pocket.

 

The man was dripping hot!

 

 

 

 

That had all started about a week ago,

The man had been acting strangely since the night he drove a drunken Taehyung home.

From then on, he would visit often, checking if Taehyung or his mother needed anything.

 

He began picking Taehyung up and dropping him off at college every single day,

and Taehyung still couldn’t understand the reason for this sudden change in his hyung’s demeanor.

 

The elder had been avoiding him ever since their last interaction when they’d almost kissed — and now,

out of nowhere, he appeared that night insisting on driving him home.

 

Namjoon had always been the one responsible for those rides, but he was away on a business trip with their father.

They had just informed them they’d be staying an extra week.

 

So apparently, his hyung had taken that responsibility onto his (very wide) shoulders,

and on top of that, he’d been torturing Taehyung every time he showed up looking like he’d just stepped out of a magazine cover.

 

Taehyung was praying for his sanity now

 

 

 

“Hi, are you guys going home? I can drop you on my way.”

Jimin and Jungkook cheered at that and hastily got into the car.

Taehyung stood there, watching the scene unfold in front of him, not moving.

 

The man had been acting weird for the past days.

 

“Taehyung”

 

He flinched when he heard his name.

“Get in.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The ride was silent most of the time,

with only Jimin and Jungkook’s voices filling the car,

bickering about some game in the back seat.

 

But in the front seats, it was really quiet

Taehyung couldn’t help stealing glances at the hot driver. Jin was driving silently, eyes on the road.

 

As if he felt the stares, he cleared his throat

“How were your classes?” he asked, not taking his eyes off the road.

 

Did he just… talk to him?

 

 

Taehyung felt the words get stuck in his throat. He tried not to stutter.

“Ah… good?”

 

Shit

 

 

He heard the man hum at that. Then

 

Silence

 

 

This was more awkward than before

He wasn’t used to having the man’s attention on him yet

 

They dropped off Jimin and then Jungkook at their destinations, both shouting, “Thank you, hyungnim!”

 

 

 

 

Taehyung felt the tension doubling inside him now. He had been so confident before ,

always pestering the elder, always fighting for his attention , but when he actually got it, he turned nervous, unable to sit still in his seat.

 

He just wished they would arrive soon

 

When they finally reached home, he jumped out of the car fast,

whispering, “Thank you, hyung,” and ran to his house , not looking back.

 

 

These car rides had been going on for a while now, and in each one,

they didn’t talk much. It was always Jin starting the conversation, asking about his day, and that was it. No more talking.

 

Taehyung never kept the conversation going

 

His nervous system felt like it was on edge these days,

and he prayed Namjoon would come back soon from that damn business trip.

He couldn’t take another ride with the hot driver!

 

He tried going earlier by bus before,

but every time, the man would stop in front of the bus station ,

like one of those hot rich boyfriends from K-dramas , lowering the window and telling him to get in.

 

Jimin and Jungkook kept teasing him whenever Jin came to pick him up.

 

He should feel happy that he finally had the man’s attention…

But he wasn’t.

 

He was nervous

 

 

And he had never been nervous around a hot guy before.

 

He usually acted confidently

 

And he couldn’t understand why

 

He used to thrive on attention from others. But with him…

He couldn’t help feeling warm all over his body.

 

Like when he was a teenager,

crushing on his teacher in high school ,

his first crush, the moment he realized he… well… liked men.

 

But this time, Taehyung couldn’t even blame his body’s reactions.

The man was getting hotter day by day , the sharp line of his jaw tightening whenever he focused on the road,

 

the subtle bob of his Adam’s apple when he hummed at Taehyung’s short replies,

the veiny hands flexing as he turned the steering wheel.

 

He would steal glances at Taehyung from time to time too,

but only because he was wearing sunglasses.

 

Taehyung wasn’t sure if the man was actually looking directly at him.

 

He could only catch the slight raise of those sharp eyebrows-

whenever Jimin or Jungkook said something amusing.

 

Never because of him

Taehyung stayed silent most of the time

 

He heard the man’s deep chuckle for the first time when Jimin told him a silly story about his roommate.

 

Taehyung felt a shiver run through his body when he heard that chuckle for the first time.

 

His short hair had grown a bit now, falling slightly over his forehead,

and those lips looked fuller than before.

 

Damn

 

 

Everything about that man was hot !

And Taehyung felt like he was going crazy with every passing day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He couldn’t understand what was happening with the boy recently.

He looked nervous most of the time.

 

Quiet

 

Which was very weird

 

Where was that brat who asked for attention,

touched and bossed him around, wanted to be closer?!!

 

Part of him was happy that the younger seemed to have gotten a grip on himself and kept his distance now.

But he couldn’t help that other part of himself…

 

the one that felt disappointed

 

What?

 

 

Why was he feeling disappointed now? Wasn’t that his wish already?

 

The younger boy was helping him keep his promise to stay away and not encourage whatever was going on between them.

 

He should feel relieved — not disappointed. Right?

 

He saw the curly-haired boy standing at the bus stop,

wearing his big headphones and waiting for the bus.

The elder had gone earlier to the Kim house to pick him up as usual,

but Mrs. Kim told him the younger had already left — only for him to find Taehyung standing there.

 

Was he avoiding him?

 

Jin wanted to laugh at how the events were turning around now

 

He used to avoid him before, and now the younger was running away from him.

 

Did he offend him somehow?

 

He remembered last week when he picked up the drunken boy ,

he was upset and angry.

And Jin wasn’t sure why he was like that, but later he found him clinging to him,

threatening to bite him if he ignored him again.

He thought they were good now

 

 

He stopped in front of the startled boy, lowered the window,

and told him to get in. He saw the way Taehyung flinched , eyes wide, nervous.

 

Seriously, what was going on with him?

 

The boy was silent as usual, stealing glances at him but averting his eyes quickly to look outside instead.

He noticed him sitting nervously, sweating. The ends of his hair were a bit wet.

 

Was he feeling hot?

 

“Are you feeling hot?”

He saw the boy flinch at that.

 

Jin was already moving to increase the AC when his hand bumped into the younger boy’s, who intended to do the same.

 

“So…orry, Hyung”

 

What?

 

Kim Taehyung apologizing?

 

The day couldn’t get any weirder

 

 

He left the boy alone for now,

not wanting to make him more nervous.

The air between them was full of tension.

It was their first time riding without Taehyung’s friends,

and maybe the younger was feeling nervous because of that.

 

When they reached the college gate, the boy was out of the car before Jin could say anything more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They agreed to go clubbing that weekend.

The new semester classes were hell, with a lot of projects,

and they needed to recharge before the new week rolled around.

 

So they were in Taehyung’s house now, getting ready for the night.

Jimin was helping Jungkook with his new jacket, while Taehyung was checking his appearance in the mirror on his dressing table.

 

He had put a lot of effort into his outfit and makeup this time,

 

He was wearing a white t-shirt topped with a black leather jacket,

matching it with tight leather pants of the same color. He decided to go with a red bandanna today.

 

He curled his hair prettily too

 

He wanted to be noticed tonight ,

 

 not by that someone though

 

But by someone else!

 

 

His last week had been a roller coaster of emotions.

That someone had been following him like a shadow lately, always keeping an eye on him.

He should be happy , he used to wish for the man’s attention

 

But not like this!

Not like he was still a child who needed to be watched over.

He realized that the man was doing Namjoon’s duties now ,

providing a ride every day, calling often to check if they needed anything,

 

checking on him…

 

Like a big brother!

 

Taehyung didn’t need another brother

 

He needed a man!

 

And Jin wasn’t ready to be that yet,

 

obviously

 

Yes, he craved the man and needed his attention,

He found him hot and all —

but at the same time, that wasn’t enough for him.

 

He wanted to be loved

Needed

Cherished

Craved too

 

And maybe that’s why he felt nervous and frustrated around the elder man.

 

Jin was acting like a good hyung to him,

still keeping a respectable distance between them.

He clearly wasn’t interested in taking their relationship (if he could even call it that) in another direction.

If he was interested, he would’ve taken action , especially after all the flirting he had done.

 

Maybe he misinterpreted the man’s stares as interest

Maybe the man was just curious

Or maybe he simply found Taehyung pretty , he didn’t mean to look ?

 

Taehyung knew he was handsome,

and he had noticed many men checking him out before,

whether they were straight or not

Maybe his hyung was just like them.

Maybe Jin got confused when Taehyung flirted with him at the beginning…

 

and then realized the younger was nothing but his cute dongsaeng “Taetae”

 

Just like Hyung-shik

 

Maybe he needed to focus on his studies (as Namjoon said) and

find a boyfriend instead of chasing after uninterested older hyungs.

 

It hurt, but it was better to be hurt now than later.

He could move on with his life without ruining his relationship with the elder hyung.

 

He couldn’t deny it wouldn’t be easy to move on , especially when the man lived only five meters away from their house now,

and he’d see him often since Jin moved into their neighborhood.

 

But it wasn’t impossible. Right?

When he had a crush on Hyung-shik and chose to move on,

it stung at first but eventually became easier ,they were good friends now.

Same thing when he moved on from Minjae

 

Which meant… he could do it again

 

Those two lasted longer than whatever he had with the man now

The man came around two months ago, for god’s sake!

 

Taehyung flipped his hair and smirked at his reflection in the mirror,

feeling his confidence return.

 

He felt Jimin slap his butt hard

Ouch

 

“Want someone dead by that ass tonight?”

 

Taehyung smirked again at his best friend’s reflection, chuckling.

“Yeah, let them”

 

They hurriedly left Taehyung’s house,

planning to take a taxi to the party, when he heard Jungkook gasp and Jimin whistle.

 

“Oh, fuck!!”

 

 

“Yah! Did you just curse in front of your hyung?”

 

There stood Taehyung’s nightmare , glancing at him before directing his attention to Jungkook.

 

“Your bodyguard is coming too? Is that why you’re dressed to kill today?” Jimin whispered in Taehyung’s ear.

 

 

Fuck me

 

 

how did he know they are going out tonight ?

 

 

 

“Are you guys going somewhere?” as if he can hear his thoughts

He didn’t miss how the man’s eyes had checked him out before looking away, ears red.

 

There again !

 

What makes Taehyung’s heart thud loudly knowing he is the reason for the man’s flustered state.

 

“we are going to a club tonight, hyung“ it was Jung kook

“Do you guys need a ride?“

 

What?

NO

A BIG NO

 

His plan was to get away from the man,

and get loose a bit after all past week nervousness, and maybe if he is lucky,

he will get a boyfriend too.

 

The man was avoiding his eyes now, and directing his request to his other friends

Like he knows Taehyung’s answer already.

 

“who will say no to a free ride?” it is Jimin now

 

“What?” both Jung kook and Taehyung shout at the same time

 

Jimin the traitor !!

 

“we are not going to a club with you wearing like this hyung” Jung kook said,

looking at the man, feeling scandalized already.

 

Jin looked down at his clothes at that.

he was wearing a big-sized shirt and wide-leg black pants,

his wide shoulders stretching the bigger shirt already.

 

Taehyung still thinks he will be the most handsome man there 

 

He rubbed his neck looking embarrassed already

“Sorry guys, I don’t have a club “kind off” outfit, but yah! This also a fashion don’t you think?” he asks sheepishly.

 

“you look like Mr. Kim now “ Jung kook mumbles

Taehyung snorts, Jimin hits him

 

 

“Yah!, of course Hyung, you are a handsome man, let’s go before we are late, shall we?” Jimin asks Taehyung,

linking his arm with him and moving him towards Jin’s nearby parked car,

 

Jung kook still protesting about the elder’s outfit

 

 

Taehyung was sitting on the backseat, Jimin beside him, Jung kook next to the handsome driver.

He purposely has chosen to sit in the backseat this time, to avoid any unnecessary stares.

 

Little he knows that whenever he tilted his head,

he will find those eyes looking at him through the rear-view mirror.

 

The man doesn't want to let him rest apparently!

 

They had arrived at the busy road of Itaewon area,

weekend clubbers waiting in lines at the club entrance.

they are lucky that Jimin has booked a table earlier, otherwise they would be standing here in those lines.

 

They approach the entrance after Jin has parked his car not so far from the club.

the bodyguard at the door asking for their ID, but when he saw the elder man showing his ID,

he let them in directly. the club inside was packed with people, and they felt themselves blend with the crowd in no time.

 

 

They were swimming towards their table now, and Taehyung suddenly felt a hard chest pressing to his back.

 

When he tried to look over his shoulder,

 

he found the man behind him now acting as a shield from the rushing crowd.

 

He feels his heart beat fast at the gesture

 

Stop!

 

He is acting as a good Hyung now! , his brain has whispered

 

They reached their destined table

 

Jimin and Jung kook wordlessly sitting beside each other,

leaving him to sit with his nightmare for that night.

the club’s tables were in a half-circle shape as one couch.

Taehyung sat nervously beside the man, aware of their closeness.

Jimin starting to order drinks and food for them,

him and Jung kook bickering as usual about the food.

on the other side is very awkward silence. Jin was on his phone.

Taehyung looking around feeling bored now. this wasn’t his plan to enjoy the night.

 

The man has ruined all his plans,

 

but hey he can still enjoy his night,

 

he just remembered he was also planning to move-on from the man, right?

that should involve ignoring his existence.

this should be like a practical practice in real life, right?

 

Taehyung suddenly felt he had control of the events now

 

He came to have fun tonight and he will do just that!

 

So when the drinks arrived at their table,

he decided to throw everything to the wind and take his first shot for the night.

but before he did that, he felt one of those veiny hands stopping his and taking that shot.

 

Taehyung was ready to complain

 

The man took the shot and drank it himself instead

 

Taehyung just rolls his eyes

 

If he wants to drink,

he can take one from the many drinks on the table.

 

why did he take his?!

 

Unless he wants to just anger the younger.

 

He ignored the man and tried to fill his glass again,

but again the man took the next shot from his hand and drank it too,

 

Seriously ?!

 

 

He is stubborn too,

he fills the next and again the man took it and drank it

 

Taehyung is losing his patience now !!

 

“Hyung !!!!”

 

“you are not drinking tonight, I am not driving you drunk home again.” The man’s voice was close to his ear now,

because of the way they were sitting earlier.

 

“We came to a club, hyung, of course I will be drinking” Taehyung rolls his eyes again.

 

“No, you are not ! you are still young to be drinking like this.” The man’s voice is serious now but his body was relaxed,

his right hand reclined to rest behind Taehyung on the couch.

 

He can’t be serious now ?

 

“I am an Adult.” Taehyung’s voice is strained,

stressing on his teeth.

 

He starts to feel anger bubbling inside him now

 

“I didn’t say you are not” said the man nonchalantly, voice relaxed,

his eyes were looking around the club, looking bored now.

 

Jimin and Jungkook were snorting at their interaction

 

“Jimini and Jung kookie are young too and they are drinking now” Taehyung felt childish arguing with the man like that.

“they can, you cannot”

 

What ????

 

Jimin and Jungkook laughing at him for real now, whispering to each other.

 

Taehyung feels all this is ridiculous,

 

why they agreed to let the man come with them at first place?

 

Wasn’t it enough he was stressing him for all past week,

 

Now he is bossing him around like he is a child?

 

Only because he is the elder between them? using his “Hyung” card.

 

 

 

Taehyung starts to feel his anger is on the edge now,

his face was looking upset and he was pouting unconsciously.

 

He was silent all the time, body stiff,

he can’t even relax on the couch now due to the man’s hand behind him still resting at the back of the couch.

 

When the food arrives, he starts to stuff his mouth angrily just to soothe himself,

he is not participating in the conversation going between his friends and the annoying man beside him,

they seem to be getting along very well, laughing at whatever the man is saying.

 

Nothing even funny !

 

Who cares !

 

Whatever !

 

His friends are traitors too

 

They shouldn’t be friendly with the man,

ignoring Taehyung’s suffering, he was clearly upset.

 

They should stand on his side

 

His plate is almost empty in no time,

 

Woow he was that hungry?

 

Or that fried chicken was really delicious?

 

Suddenly he saw a pair of chopsticks in front of him,

dropping more chicken on his plate, it was the man’s.

 

He turns to find him resuming his eating silently after that without looking at him.

 

Ok

 

What’s this now?

 

He is acting as a good hyung - his brain whispers again 

 

Taehyung rolls his eyes at that

 

Their plates were clear in no time,

and Taehyung feels a bit better after he had his stomach full.

 

His - angry eating - earlier wasn’t bad after all,

 

he starts to engage in conversation with Jimin and Jungkook,

ignoring that someone sitting beside him, his body was turned towards his friends,

giving him his back.

 

The man was silent now,

didn’t talk since the food had arrived.

 

Taehyung was in the middle of conversation,

laughing at one of Jung kook’s silly face expressions.

 

He was trying to open his water bottle,

but he couldn’t, he was asking Jung kook for help when，

He felt again those hands coming in front of him, taking the bottle and opening it easily.

 

Returning it to him after

 

Is he showing OFF now? or is it him being “Namjoon” again?

 

Taehyung has had enough of that “good hyung” act

 

He is treating him like one of those weak kids!

 

He needs to be away from that man ASAP,

 

He needs a drink

 

And he will have it Whatever happens !!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The rescue came when Jimin asks if he wanted to dance, and he jumps directly at the offer.

They leave the man alone at their table,

he seems wants to say something when he saw Taehyung stand to join his friends for a dance,

Taehyung didn’t wait for him and walked away, fully ignoring him.

 

Feeling victorious for that

 

Finally some freedom!

 

They meld with the dancing crowd instantly,

the music has turned exotic now, the crowd was getting hyped up too,

they choose this club because of its good reputation,

it was famous for its good music and DJ and well sexy and hot dudes,

it wasn’t one of those gay clubs he and Jimin used to go before,

 

it was -well- a general club for all genders

 

He and his soul-mate friend had already discovered long time ago that actual “hot Men” mostly were in “Straight club” than those stuffy and stinky gay clubs they used to go together.

 

They came out to each other one night, after he had found his best friend kissing one of their seniors at one of their dorm stairs,

Taehyung had already told Jimin about his identity before, but he didn’t expect his best friend was the same, from then they would share their secrets to each other.

 

Supporting each other fully ! Taehyung still so grateful for Jimin for that !

 

Jungkook was their cute “dongsaeng”, he was younger than them, joined their group one year later.

 

He was so shy at first, that they have to help him to accommodate in their campus, now they are non separable.

He sneaks some shots while they dance without the man knowing as he was a bit far away now, with many people dancing around,

he can still see the man from this spot in the dance floor though, he was trying to keep an eye on them, from time to time,

 

 

Taehyung starts to feel himself relaxing now, his body losing the previous tension,

he is jumping to the music and laughing hard at Jimin and Jung kook’s silly moves,

he can feel the stares he got from surrounding crowds, and he felt more confident.

 

He spent long time earlier getting ready for this party,

he knew he was handsome and he got that charm, so he decided to use it.

 

There was a specific handsome guy in the dancing crowd,

Taehyung noticed how the guy was eyeing him earlier,

 

he knows those kind of stares meaning “you are pretty, can I buy you a drink?”

 

So he decided to take his shot, he flips his hair flirtatiously,

and looks at the guy smiling confidently.

 

The guy smiled back

 

That is his green light

 

He just has to wait

 

And to his amusement, only a few minutes had passed before he saw the handsome guy approaching him.

 

“Hi pretty, do you want to dance?” so clichy as a start but

Taehyung doesn't mind a few distraction for the night.

 

He chuckled flirtatiously “Show me your move ! ”

 

And Taehyung found later that the guy can really dance,

he was handsome, confident, funny, body sculpted showing muscles,

means he was one of those Gym’s buddies.

 

They dance together for some time,

the guy was goofing around during that,

making Taehyung laugh more than that,

 

See ! it was so easy

 

It should be that easy !

Not like some ...

 

He was busy with his new dance mate that he didn’t look at that someone for a while.

He tried to look at their table direction only to find that someone is looking directly at him now,

face was unreadable, deep eyes looking at Taehyung‘s soul now.

 

He felt a shiver run on his body

 

The music turned suddenly to some sensual R&B songs now lights got dimmed after the last hyped pop music earlier,

he found himself moving sensually, back to front with his new dance mate, Jimin and Jung kook had disappeared.

 

God knows where

 

But Taehyung’s focus wasn't on them or the handsome dancer at his back,

his focus was only on the man sitting far away,

 

drinking from his glass watching Taehyung like a hawk !

 

Red lights glowing over him,

giving more lighting effect to his sharp eyes that were shooting daggers at Taehyung right now.

 

Taehyung felt so Powerful at that moment.

He never felt like that since he saw the man for the first time,

and after past week tension, the man was controlling his nerves,

his mood, his thoughts and even his body !!

 

Now the table has turned

 

Now Taehyung has got the power back over him now

He will control his thoughts and maybe his body too

 

He got his eyes and attention where he wants it now

 

He just has to move

 

He didn’t know what kind of dark spirit had control of his body at that moment,

but he felt his body moving sensually against the other guy, hands moving slowly over his body starting from his stomach,

passing his chest and then his neck, eyes hooded locked only on those sharp ones watching every move of his,

 

Yes look at me

 

And Only Me !

 

Taehyung felt his body heat up under those deep stares,

the man wasn’t moving or even blinking,

he just keeps drinking from his glass and watching him.

 

He is getting turned on by his own sensual moves under the man’s stares.

 

You want to watch over me?

 

You can watch me instead !

 

 

 

He saw the man lowering his drink on the table now,

body stiff, watching every move intensely.

 

Now it is time for the killer move, Taehyung thought

 

 

He moves his right hand sensually again to loop around the guy’s neck at his back,

that has encouraged the guy to put his hand around his waist hugging him, whispering in his ear

“you are so sexy !“

 

He didn’t miss how the other watcher’s body stiffened,

gulped hard and moved his eyes fast looking away, ears red

 

And Taehyung smirks at that,

 

Yes he was sexy, this was his intent for the night,

to feel desired and cherished by others.

 

And his joy doubled when he got the man witnessing him getting that desire by others.

 

Not by him !

 

But at the same time,

his body was getting hot now because of the man.

 

Not because of others !

 

Which was disturbing him at the same time

 

Whatever

 

He will not ruin his victory by those negative thoughts,

he will enjoy the moment fully.

 

He felt sorry for his dance mate though,

the guy’s body was getting hot too and he was grinding on him now.

 

Taehyung wasn’t into night stands things, he preferred a relationship.

 

But at the same time, he didn’t mind a harmless flirting

 

Especially when he was looking for a distraction tonight

 

So when the handsome guy whispers to him whether he can buy him a drink,

he found himself agreeing and both started moving to the main bar at the middle of the club,

he turns to look at their table one last time smirking,

only to have his smile fall when he finds the man talking to a girl standing near their table now.

 

He saw him talking politely with her, bowing his head and he was laughing at whatever she was saying.

He can’t hear their conversation from there but he saw his hyung smiling shyly at her, face a bit red.

 

Or is he blushing??

 

 

Taehyung didn’t feel himself when he moved towards their table,

he only hears the guy at his back

“Wait, where are you going ?”

 

He just found himself standing in-front of their table,

interrupting whatever conversation was going,

the man’s eyes moved directly from the earlier intruder to the other,

 

looking startled

 

“Hyung ! , I don’t feel well “ voice deep, commanding rather than informing,

totally ignoring the reason of his blushing hyung standing there.

 

“What ?? , what happened ?” Jin stands instantly checking him,

eyes moving around his body

 

 

“I don’t know, I just don’t feel well, Hyung ” voice sad, a bit convincing now as he moves his hand and touches the man’s arm slowly,

looking directly at the girl’s nervous eyes watching them.

 

Well she was pretty, long black hair, plushy lips, soft skin, pretty dress and all

 

Just a girl - he thinks -

 

A GIRL

 

Not A Boy

 

 

He felt victory when his hyung excused them and smiled apologetically to the girl,

she smiled back flirtily at his hyung and left them alone after that.

 

Taehyung didn’t like that

 

 

“Are you feeling ok now ? , where is Jimin and Jung kook ? let’s leave ” Jin looks worried 

 

But Taehyung’s mood has got sour again after he saw him smiling at the girl earlier

 

“I don’t know, and I don’t want to leave yet“ he replied harshly,

turned to move toward the bar again

 

“What ? Taehyung wait ..” he hears the man calling him,

but he ignored him and went to search for his earlier companion,

 

his mood getting low again

 

 

He knows he is acting childish now,

but he couldn’t control his body when he saw his hyung blushing and talking with that girl earlier.

 

Perfect, the man has controlled his body again !

 

 

Why does he act so childish in-front of him again,

 

just to get his attention ??

 

 

Maybe he was still a child who needed to be watched over after all !

 

He felt the anger come back again in his body,

he was angry most of the time that night instead of feeling joyful and letting loose a bit.

 

Why did he allow the man to ruin his fun, he was just joyful dancing with that guy !!

 

 

 

He definitely needs a drink now !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jin went looking for Taehyung this time,

only to find him leaning back on the main bar counter,

hand passing through his wavy curls and smiling flirty at the other boy from earlier,

they were so close to each other,

the other boy whispering something in Taehyung’s ears making the younger laugh prettily.

 

Jin felt his heart clench painfully when he saw their interaction,

how Taehyung was staring and smiling at the dancer from earlier.

 

He knows very well those kinds of stares

 

He has experienced them before

 

Why was he so bothered by the younger’s actions now?

Is it because he wants to protect his beloved “dongsaeng” as a good “hyung” again?

 

 

or it was something else

 

Like…

 

He doesn’t like it when Taehyung gives those stares to someone else

 

To touch someone else

 

All past week the younger was avoiding him

 

Avoiding his eyes, avoiding touching him

 

Only to touch and stare at some stranger at the bar??

 

 

He saw the dancer boy grip the younger’s elbow sensually leading him closer to his body.

 

Suddenly he felt all the past anger come back again in bigger waves inside him now,

 

he didn’t wait for the younger to notice him when he marched to their direction,

dragging the boy away from the other guy’s grip, now standing between them.

 

“Taehyung !, get ready, we are leaving now !!“

 

He saw how Taehyung flinched at the edge in his voice,

eyes gotten bigger when he felt him gripping his other elbow hard,

dragging him to his side.

 

 

“Ahjusshi, who are you?” that guy dares to ask, now looking at him up and down.

 

“Ahjusshi?!” Jin wants to punch him on the face now

 

That brat

 

 

“Yah!, kiddo!, I am not an Ahjusshi!! now move,

party is finished, he is going home now”

 

“Are you his daddy?” The man laughed mockingly as he looked at his other friends.

 

He ignored him and turned to Taehyung only to find him looking upset now,

 

or was he angry?

 

“Hyung, I have told you I don’t want to leave yet”

 

“No, we are lea—”

 

He felt a tap on his shoulder making him turn around.

 

“hey old man, you heard him clear, he doesn’t want to leave with you, now fuck off!” the guy starts to feel angry too and pushes at Jin’s chest

making him go a few steps backwards.

 

Jin ignored him again, turned and started to drag Taehyung with him towards the exit,

don’t want to cause a scene

 

He felt the guy suddenly drag Taehyung hard backward to his other side making him hiss in pain.

 

He turned only to be met with the guy’s hard punch to his lower jaw,

causing his lower lip to bleed.

 

He can only hear the watching crowd “Oooh” and Taehyung shouting “Hyung!..”

 

He felt him coming to his side to check on him,

big fearful eyes looking at him now.

 

“Stay out of this!!” Jin’s voice was dangerous at that moment,

he turned back, covering Taehyung with his body, the guy was smirking at him now.

 

 

He wipes the dripping blood from his lower lips and smirks back at the guy.

 

 

 

Jin had never been the violent type, not since he was a kid.

All his life, he’d been known for his good manners at home,

in school, at university, and even during his military service.

He was always the one helping out, a role model, ready to assist his fellow soldiers.

He had never thrown a punch before. Though he knew he had the physical strength to do it,

he never took part in school riots or street fights.

 

It wasn’t that he’d never been bullied ， he had ， but he always ignored them

 

He found it ridiculous to fight when he knew he could easily overpower them.

Maybe that’s why his bullies never dared come close physically, they would only talk behind his back.

 

The guy tonight might have been built like a bodybuilder,

but Jin was confident he was stronger. He could have easily overpowered him and just dragged Taehyung home.

But something about this man triggered him. Before he could think,

his fist connected with the smirking face, sending the guy to the ground.

 

Jin crouched down to the dancer’s eye level, meeting his now-fearful gaze.

 

“Yes, I’m his daddy. Touch him again, and I’ll burn you alive. Understand, kiddo?” He smoothed the frightened boy’s collar and patted his head.

 

Then he stood and turned, just in time to see Taehyung hurrying toward one of the club’s back exits.

 

“Taehyung ah,.. wait.”

He ran after the younger boy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung was so furious now!

 

The man hadn’t been satisfied with ruining his fun night，he wanted to ruin his date too,

ruin all his plans to move on from him.

He was treating Taehyung like a child who needed to be watched over and ordered around.

 

“Eat this. Drink that. Don’t talk to that”

 

 

Seriously, what did he want from him?

 

Fuck being a good hyung

 

 

Even Namjoon wouldn’t interfere with his life decisions like this.

 

He was an adult, for God’s sake!

 

He was humiliated earlier in front of his friends and now in front of everyone at the club,

Taehyung had reached his limit.

When he saw the man standing there demanding he leave with him,

it felt like being one of those kids caught by their parents at an adult party.

 

And what was he thinking, fighting a guy bigger than him? Taehyung’s heart had nearly stopped when he saw the blood on his face earlier.

 

He hadn’t planned to go further than sharing a drink with that guy anyway

 

And even if he had been planning more, his hyung had no right to interfere

 

He found himself in one of the back alleys of the club,

pulling out a cigarette the guy had given him earlier.

He’d never smoked before, but right now, he felt like if he didn’t, he’d go insane.

 

 

The back door opened behind him. The man had followed him again.

 

GREAT.

 

Couldn’t he give him a break?

 

 

“Do you smoke now?” came his voice from behind

Taehyung wanted to roll his eyes，

 

He’d lost count of how many times he’d done that tonight.

 

 

 

Ignoring him

he lit the cigarette,

took a deep inhale, and let the smoke rise into the dark sky.

 

He coughed，

still unused to it,and was about to take a second drag

when the cigarette was pulled from his lips and crushed under the man’s shoe.

 

That was the last straw

 

He glared at the man beside him,

 

“What?” Jin still looked angry, cracked lips pressed tight.

 

“Where did you get that?”

 

Taehyung let out a short, bitter laugh,

running a hand through his hair as frustration boiled over.

“Answer me! Did that guy give—”

 

“FOR GOD’s sake, hyung!” Taehyung’s voice rose,

echoing in the quiet alley.

The club’s music was a distant hum beyond the closed door.

 

The man flinched at his raised voice, and Taehyung felt a small pang of guilt.

 

“Can you cut it out already?”

“Wha—”

“This ‘good hyung’ act—” He couldn’t stop lashing out now.

“I’m not your little ‘Tete’ who used to follow you around anymore”

The hurt in the man’s eyes was clear,

and Taehyung knew he might regret the words tomorrow,

but right now, he couldn’t hold back.

“I’m an adult now!”

“I didn’t say you’re not…” Jin’s voice was defensive, but the hurt was still there.

“You’re not treating me like one. You treat me like I’m one of those weak kids”

 

“I’m trying to take care of you like Nam—”

 

“I don’t need another brother”

 

“I need A MAN”

 

 

Silence

 

The man gulped hard at the last sentence,

eyes not moving from his, and Taehyung didn’t have control over his body anymore when

He found himself walking slowly towards the stiff man, like a predator advancing his next prey, eyes still locked on the man’s deep ones.

 

Taehyung could feel his hot breath over his face,

now he stands so close to him, he tilted his head a bit to be able to look at those eyes.

 

From this angle he could see how they looked nervous and startled but trying to keep their composure yet.

“I need to be loved… cherished…” he speaks slowly, voice getting lower now when he stands so close to the man, like he was afraid he would scare him.

 

“I…” Taehyung swallowed hard, finding his heart going crazy because of their physical distance,

feeling his eyes start to sting due to his overwhelming emotions at that moment (anger, fear, and hurt).

 

STOP

 

His hands moved slowly and touched that hard chest,

his body getting hot when he got a feeling of those sturdy muscles hidden under the big shirt.

 

STOP

 

 

The man’s hooded eyes were watching every move of his hand before looking at him,

he felt him swallowing hard again when he felt him gripping his shirt’s collar,

pulling him a little down closer to his face, sharing the same breath now.

 

“I need to be touched…” voice hushed

 

Taehyung found his body pushed hard to the nearest wall, both hands pinned hard on it, over his head by those veiny arms.

 

The push was hard, and he wanted to hiss in pain, but he didn’t mind when he had those sharp eyes now hooded,

still locked down on his, the wounded lips so close now that he wanted to kiss them better.

 

Breathing was a hard task now that their noses were almost touching,

and Taehyung found all of this more overwhelming than before.

 

Closing his eyes

 

“God! You are so hot”

He found himself sharing his feelings about the man since he laid his eyes on him for the first time.

 

He felt the grip tighten on his hands

 

“Taehyung”

 

His heart thudded loudly when he heard his name called by that voice.

 

“Look at me!” the man’s voice was strained

 

 

When he opened his eyes, he found the man staring at him, looking frightened now.

“Are you g… gay?”

 

 

The word stuck in his throat now,

gulping hard, eyes moving between those beautiful eyes trying to tell him—

 

YES

 

But instead he tried to wiggle his hands and the man loosened his grip instantly,

Taehyung was able to free his hands and started moving them sensually again.

 

Eyes still locked, he looped them around the elder’s neck, one finger sneaking through the short hair at the back.

Due to their height difference Taehyung had to tiptoe a bit so he could press closer to the elder’s face,

now all the distance had disappeared between their bodies.

 

He saw the man’s frightened eyes move down to his lips now and Taehyung pressed their noses together,

 

breathing hot on those bruised lips

 

The man closed his eyes hard like he was in pain already

Taehyung wished that was enough of an answer but instead he found himself whispering—

“I can be that for you”

 

 

The man’s eyes were on him again instantly, looking more frightened than before, searching his

 

 

Suddenly all the warmth disappeared when his back was pushed so hard to the wall again,

this time the man’s hands were on his shoulders separating their bodies and keeping a distance,

causing Taehyung’s hands to fall to his sides instead.

 

“GET your stuff, we are leaving!!” the man’s angry voice echoed in the empty dark alley,

and he was looking at Taehyung with a disapproving face, walking away from him.

 

 

 

Only to turn again when he found Taehyung not moving from his spot pressed to the wall

 

“NOW!!”

 

 

His angry steps were loud in the night air

 

 

 

 

Taehyung felt like crying

Notes:

I hope you enjoyed this Mess again!

 

**do you know from where the last scense was inspired ? :)

Chapter 9: Hot Cocoa

Summary:

“What’s going on? You’ve been ignoring my calls. I thought you were just busy but…” Namjoon gaze swept again
over the clutter, over the dull look in Jin’s eyes.

“This doesn’t look like busy.”

 

 

 

 

Jin started avoiding him

 

Again!

 

He took longer walks

Skipped dinners when Namjoon invited him over

Let texts go unanswered. Told himself it was the right thing to do

 

The boy was too young

Too bright

Too dangerous

 

And “gay”

Obviously now

 

Or willing to be one for him

 

And Jin spent sleepless nights thinking about only one sentence:

“I can be that for you”

 

 

Why? Why did Taehyung have to do this to him?

 

Why now? When he was still trying to convince himself that this was just a phase,

 

some ridiculous post-military confusion mixed with nostalgia and a dry dating life.

 

Even when his body said something different

 

 

Even when his heart ached

 

Then came Namjoon’s birthday barbecue party

 

Just a small gathering in the Kims’ backyard. A few old friends, a grill too stubborn to light.

 

The weather was a bit cloudy that day, promising an upcoming rain shower.

 

Jin almost didn’t come

 

He should’ve stayed home

 

Because as soon as he walked in, his eyes found Taehyung

 

Sitting on the arm of the patio sofa.

Leaning into Jimin, talking to one guy he hadn’t seen before.

 

A teasing smile on the guy’s face.

 

He whispered something, and Taehyung laughed, head tossed back,

lips parted, one hand resting on his thigh like it belonged there.

 

The guy wrapped his hands around him and dragged him to half-sit on his lap instead.

He noticed how Taehyung didn’t even flinch

 

Something in Jin snapped

Who is that guy?

 

And why are they so touchy with each other?

 

Why did he accept to attend this party from the start?

 

“Hyung?”

 

Jin looked up. Namjoon was watching him

 

“You okay?”

 

“Fine,” Jin said tightly, sipping his beer

 

 

He wasn’t. He was watching Taehyung like he couldn’t stop himself.

As if he could read his thoughts—

 

“Ah! That is Minjae, Taehyungie’s ex-boyfriend,” Namjoon said nonchalantly,

like he knew Jin already knew about his brother’s sexuality.

 

So the boy had a formal boyfriend before?

 

Did Mr. & Mrs. Kim agree!? Did he come out to them?

—He wanted to ask Namjoon all these questions but he couldn’t—

 

He watched how the boy was laughing at whatever the other guy was saying.

Now they were bickering about the guy trying to make the younger eat one of the grills from his hand.

 

Jin looked away from that, sipping more of his drink, feeling his heart constrict hard at that.

 

Like his blood knew before his brain did: he didn’t like this.

 

Didn’t like how that Minjae looked at him, touched him

 

Didn’t like how Taehyung let it happen

Didn’t like that he had no right to say anything at all

Like he wasn’t there at all

 

They ignored each other at each gathering before, like they didn’t know each other.

 

He found himself in the Kims’ guest bathroom throwing up everything he’d eaten that day,

flushing his face and walking out to the quiet hallway.

 

The hallway was dim, quiet. Somewhere behind him, the party still pulsed with music and laughter.

But in this space, all he could hear was the beat of his own heart—and the distant hum of Taehyung’s laugh still ringing in his ears.

 

He had no business being here

 

He excused himself later and walked out of the party.

Namjoon’s voice behind him calling his name—

 

But he didn’t turn back

 

It had just begun to rain when Jin stepped out of the Kim house,

the cool dampness clinging to his skin the moment he crossed into the open air.

 

He didn’t rush, didn’t bother to shield himself. He simply walked,

letting the drops slide down his hair, his face, his shoulders.

 

Middle of August. Three months back in Seoul.

Three months since he was just an ordinary man, with ordinary routines and ordinary needs.

 

A bitter laugh escaped him, swallowed almost instantly by the patter of rain. Ordinary.

 

What a lie

 

The season was shifting too soon this year;

autumn seemed to have arrived early, dragging its restless showers along with it.

He hadn’t brought an umbrella, but then again, he never did. Forecasts,

weather updates， those were for people who cared. He was too old to play at certainty and too young to feel this hollow,

and yet the hollowness was all that lived in his chest these days.

 

Hopelessness, or loneliness? He couldn’t tell the difference anymore.

 

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this lonely.

 

Not when he was in the army. Not even when he first moved away for university.

Back then, silence had been a companion. Now it was a weight.

 

He filled his days as best he could: phone calls to his mother, the occasional chat with old friends,

meals he forced himself to prepare, a bit of gardening when the sun allowed it. He trained in his small gym,

worked on a handful of legal cases in the mornings. He looked busy enough to anyone watching. But at night,

when everything went still, the void opened its mouth and pulled him under.

 

And in that silence, his thoughts always circled back

 

To him

To Taehyung

 

The boy’s words from that night still rang clear, too sharp to fade

“I can be that for you”

Just like that, plain and fearless,

as if he’d been carrying the truth his whole life.

 

For three weeks now, he’d avoided him,

avoided his gaze, avoided the pull in his chest that seemed to tighten whenever Taehyung was near.

And yet in the quiet, he couldn’t escape the memory of the boy’s eyes,

the heat of his closeness, the almost reckless kiss that still burned on his lips.

 

He had always thought he knew himself.

Thought he’d lived long enough to be certain of his path. Women, marriage, a family.

That was supposed to be the plan. But lately, whenever he tried to picture that future,

 

it was Taehyung’s face that intruded—

Taehyung’s laugh…

Taehyung’s warmth.

 

 

 

 

Maybe he wasn’t who he thought he was. Maybe he had been burying something deep all along.

 

The rain grew heavier, soaking him to the bone, but he didn’t stop walking.

He almost welcomed the sting of it， like punishment or perhaps some kind of cleansing.

If he admitted it，really admitted it，what would happen then?

 

Would it make the feelings easier, or only sharper?

 

Jin’s steps slowed, his breath uneven in the cold wet air.

 

For the first time in his life, he couldn’t answer the simplest question

 

What if I’m not straight?

 

 

The thought terrified him

And yet, strangely… it felt like the first honest thing he’d thought in a very long time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When he reached his home front porch, he saw a familiar figure sitting on his front doorsteps, under the rain

 

without an umbrella

 

 

He wasn’t drunk. He wasn’t sober, either. But he was too aware.

 

Taehyung was sitting on his doorsteps,

his curls messy and wet, sticking to his forehead, eyes hazy with wet lashes ， looks cautious.

 

He stands when he notices him approaching

 

“Hyung, .. I,” Taehyung said when he saw him approaching closer,

voice soft, barely heard under the hard raindrops, hesitant.

 

How long had he been sitting there under the rain?

 

Jin didn’t answer

 

He stepped closer, slowly at first… then walked hastily, grabbed the boy’s hand harshly,

opened his front door and dragged the younger inside.

 

When the door closed, silence greeted them with only the outside’s thunder echoes,

and they found themselves standing in Jin’s dark living room, Taehyung’s wrist still grabbed by the elder man.

 

With the only light coming from the outside road lamp spots

 

“Hyung, .. I am sor—” Taehyung can feel his voice shaking

 

He just felt the man turning around fast at his voice,

and then everything happened really fast that he could only feel those solid hands gripping his face hard.

 

 

And then…

 

the man’s lips were on his

 

He kissed him

 

Not soft. Not slow. But messy. Hungry. Full lips pressed hard on his

 

He felt his breath stop and he couldn’t even blink

 

 

 

Taehyung looked up at him with big startled eyes, still

 

And only for one perfect second, then

 

 

He is kissing him back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung hasn’t been rejected before

 

He didn’t experience before the sorrow feeling coming with rejection

 

If he could call it that

 

It wasn’t a verbal one, but an embedded one?

 

The way he never looked at him after that night

 

It had haunted him for many sleepless nights now

 

He told himself it was just a stupid physical attraction, and it would pass sooner or later.

 

He just had to hold on to that hurt feeling,

the fact he wanted the man to hurt him more, reject him again so he could finally move on and forget,

 

But still somehow

 

Taehyung had noticed it for weeks now.

 

The glances. The hesitation. The space Jin was building between them like a wall.

 

Taehyung was hurt, yes, because of that wordless rejection.

But tonight… was different

 

Because when he laughed at Minjae’s joke, he saw Jin’s face twist for just a second,

eyes sharp, jaw tight.

 

 

And later, when Jin handed him a plate, his fingers trembled.

Jin didn’t even meet his eyes when he said, “I’m heading out”

 

He didn’t look at him.

Not even once. But when he finally did, those eyes,sharp and fleeting,were followed by him turning away and walking out,

leaving Taehyung standing there with his chest aching all over again.

 

By the time Taehyung reached Jin’s house, his pulse was racing,

though he wasn’t sure if it was from the cold night air or the fear of what he might find. He knocked once.

Twice. Then again, harder this time. No answer. The lights inside were dark.

 

He hadn’t come back yet?

 

The thought tightened something in his chest.

A dozen questions flashed through his mind

 

Where was he, was he alone, was he avoiding him on purpose again?

 

Worry began to gnaw at him. He needed to talk to him, to apologize,

to get the words out before they rotted in his throat.

 

Without thinking, Taehyung sank down on the steps,

rain beginning to patter against his hair and jacket. He hadn’t even remembered to bring an umbrella,

he’d left the party in such a hurry, following nothing but the restless pull in his chest.

 

Now the drizzle thickened into a steady downpour, clinging to his skin, soaking through his clothes.

 

But he stayed,

 

No matter how long it took, he was going to wait for him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Namjoon is the first one to notice the tensed air between his hyung and his younger brother,

 

He suspected something certainly happened between these two when he was away on that business trip,

but he wasn’t very sure what’s the real deal, and he couldn’t ask them directly

 

Because they were acting normally with each other but at the same time they were tensed, off

 

Cautious maybe

 

They keep avoiding each other during family dinner or when his hyung stopped at their house to greet him and his father after they came back,

if he wants to be more accurate, he never saw them talking to each other directly, only side glances,

tensed body language and Namjoon just felt those anime’s dark clouds over their heads

 

“Hyung, are you there?”

 

“Namjoon-ah, what are you doing?” Jin’s slurred voice greeted him on the phone

 

“I am outside your house now, you slept already?”

 

“No, no… wait”

 

Jin opened his door to greet him and he couldn’t miss his hyung’s scattered look,

wearing his bed pyjama, hair a bit long now but messy and his beard had grown a bit

 

Like he had not been shaving for a while now, and it was the first time to see his hyung in this state since he came back to their neighborhood

When he got inside, the house was dark and his hyung moved slowly around to open the light, he saw how the house was really a mess,

Soju bottles and takeout boxes were around the low table in the living room

 

How long had his hyung been living like this?

 

Is that why he was avoiding his calls and messages all the past three weeks?

 

All his life he knew Jin is a clean freak, what happened?

 

Jin moved to sit on his small couch and smiled at him shyly

“I am sorry Namjoon-ah, I didn’t know you are coming,” Jin said looking embarrassed

 

“Hyung,” he said softly as he stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

 

“What’s going on? You’ve been ignoring my calls. I thought you were just busy but…” His gaze swept again over the clutter,

over the dull look in Jin’s eyes. “This doesn’t look like busy”

 

Jin let out a low laugh, but it was hollow, like it scraped against his throat,

“It’s nothing. I’m fine. Just… tired.” He waved his hand as though that explained everything,

though Namjoon couldn’t miss the faint tremor in his fingers.

 

Namjoon sat across from him, pushing a couple of bottles aside.

He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, his voice quiet but firm.

 

“Hyung, everything is ok? You look like someone who’s been drowning for weeks”

 

For a moment, something flickered across Jin’s face,an opening, a crack, but just as quickly it vanished.

His smile returned, thin and weary. “I just told you I am just tired,

 

Namjoon-ah.” he tried to whine in a funny way so he could make him laugh

He knew his hyung’s way of turning everything into a joke

 

Namjoon didn’t laugh this time

 

He just kept looking at him for a while, then let a tired sigh

He knew Jin is a secretive guy, never shows his emotions easily,

he will elaborate when he feels ready

 

He leaned back instead, forcing a small smile.

“Fine. Don’t explain. But you’re not skipping my birthday party tomorrow. I don’t care what excuse you try to come up with! You’re coming,

you’re going to shave, wear something decent, and remember what sunlight looks like”

 

 

Jin arched a brow faintly, almost amused. “You’re ordering me now?”

 

“Exactly,” Namjoon grinned,

 

Namjoon left then, praying that his hyung was fine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They found themself kissing frantically in the shadowed quiet of the man’s living room,

the air between them charged and breathless,

Their bodies swayed, forward, back, hands gripping for balance as their lips battled in a hungry rhythm.

Jin felt himself being driven backward, step by step, by the sheer insistence of the boy’s claim on his mouth.

 

 

Like parched lips meeting the first cool sip after days beneath a merciless sun

 

 

legs hitting something ,there is a crash , but he didn’t care ,

he was trying to lead the younger boy gripping his small waist so they will not fall ,

 

using his memory of his living room, but he couldn’t due to the boy feverish kisses ,

Taehyung’s hands were all over his body now like he can’t decide where to touch , his chest ,neck ,hair,

holding his face, gripping hard and Jin want to hiss in pain if he wasn’t busy kissing back .

 

 

Outside rain still falling hard but inside was quite only their wet kisses sound was heard

 

And Jin had shutted his hazy mind a long time ago ,since he grasped the younger wrist and dragged him inside

 

Heart beats crazy but he ignored too

 

letting his body do the thinking for now

 

He grepped the younger boy’s waist hard and pulls him to his body making him moan in the wild kiss

 

 

Why do you let him touch you like that?

 

He want to ask the younger

 

he didn’t mean to feel jealous

 

But he was

 

So deeply, painfully jealous he could barely breathe

 

His hands moved to that soft skin of the boy face , grip tighten

 

he’d buried. All the months of pretending,

 

Gone

 

 

His legs hits a solid surface again ,and this time he knows that it was his small couch

 

he falls down on it ,back pressed to the couch with the boy body lying all over him

 

Their frantic kisses never subside or slowing down

 

Their bodies now pressed to each other directly

 

 

Jin starts to worry about his old friend now ,

as he feels himself getting hard being pressed directly to the younger

 

 

his body betraying him in-front of the boy

 

Again

 

He tried to reverse their position with the younger body pressed to couch and he leaning over him instead

 

his couch is really small to fit both of their bodies

 

 

The same couch they ate lunch “innocently” before when his body react for the boy first time - his hazy mind whispered -

 

Now the boy body pressed on it his hair wild over his cushions -

 

He gripped the couch’s back hard

 

“Taehy..” he tried to speaks in middle of kisses ,

Taehyung whines

 

The boy lips starts to follows Jin’s mouth when he feels him trying to stand a bit instead of leaning over the boy to put some distance between them

 

The younger was trying to grasps still at his body ,

half sitting on the couch and looms his hand around his neck trying to drag him down again

 

 

GOD

 

“wai….” he tried to leans back again, standing

 

Instead he feels the younger climbing his standing body now , doesn’t want to stop the kisses

 

Jin finds its hard to stop either , they are both standing again,

Taehyung hands around his neck , his was around the younger boy delicate waist dragging his lean body towards him

 

 

Taehyung whines again

 

Jin opens his mouth to speak only to feels the younger tongue entering his mouth for the first time that night and he couldn’t stop the grunt that leaves his mouth at that

 

This has to stop before they both regret it later

 

But instead he felt himself gripping that waist hard ,

and that apparently motivates the younger to turn their bodies around and push him backward hard towards the couch again,

he trips but falls to sit on it ,Taehyung climbs to sit on his lap

Long fingers still gripping his face

 

FUCK

 

How they end-up like this ?

 

Taehyung bits hard on his lower lip

 

“Ah” it was a moan of pain

 

 

His wounded lips is still healing

 

 

That makes the wild kisses stops finally with a smack sound ,

he still couldn’t see the other boy clearly due to the dark but he felt a finger touching his lower lip softly ,

hot breath still hovering over them

 

hard breaths sound echoes in the quite room

 

“Sorry “ Taehyung voice was hushed in the dark

 

Like he was afraid to talks loudly and breaks their bubble

 

He felt him moving a bit and reach blindly around and then a soft yellow light filling

His living room now , Taehyung has turned the beside table lamp

 

He can see the younger boy now , messy wet curls falling over his forehead ,

 

face and neck so red

 

His red lips are swollen now

 

Breathing hard

 

Jin felt his heart thuds crazy and loud at the sight ,he afraid that the younger can hear it

 

The boy was still setting on his lap ,

looking down at him with hooded eyes like before he direct his attention to his lips again ,

 

he still can feels the bit sting but-

“are you ok ?” he asks instead

His hands were still on the younger hips

 

Like they were in normal situation , like they are just sitting and chatting as a friends

 

Not sitting over each other making out

 

 

“Yeah …” Taehyung voice was soft and breathless

 

“did they still hurt ? “ his long fingers touching softly over his lips

Jin felt his face and ears getting red

 

“a bit “ he feels himself getting breathless again

The younger deep voice just hums on that , eyes still on his lips

 

PLEASE NO

 

He moves his face closer again , titling his face to the side , nose touching

 

Taehyung want to kiss him again

 

PLEASE DON’T

 

He will not be able to control himself again

 

He should stop him

 

He should push him away

 

Before everything backfired on them

 

He should and should

 

But he was so weak for the boy now

 

He felt those soft hand cupping his face again and he closes his eyes

 

 

PLEASE

 

He doesn’t know what he is begging for anymore -

 

But before he feels those addicted lips

 

A loud sneeze noise echoes through the room

 

 

 

Silence

 

 

He opens his eyes to find the younger covering his mouth , looking at him, eyes wide

 

He can’t hold himself anymore and finds himself laughing softly at the younger adorable expression

 

The younger looked embarrassed now when he saw him laughing at him before he start giggling himself

 

 

So Cute

 

 

How on the earth someone can be So Sexy and cute at the same time !

 

his poor heart can’t bear this anymore

 

 

 

“Wait here “ he moved him to sit on the couch beside him instead

 

Ears red because he can notice how his erection is visible to the younger now

 

He moved fast trying to hide it

 

 

And disappeared to his bedroom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung felt the heat of shame crawl up his neck just remembering it,

the way he had thrown himself at his hyung, unable to stop his lips from finding his.

 

He got a taste of those lips, and now he can’t stop

 

He had come here today to apologize, to tell him how sorry he was for being rude,

for pushing too far, for upsetting him. For the past three weeks,

he hadn’t been able to shake the memory of the man’s expression, that unreadable mix of surprise, fear,

 

restraint, and something Taehyung couldn’t name. They had avoided each other completely since then,

and Taehyung had convinced himself it was over, that the man wanted nothing more to do with him.

 

He told himself he needed to move on. He even tried. But all of those carefully stacked plans collapsed the moment he saw him again at the party,

just as handsome, shoulders broad and stiff when Taehyung drew near.

 

He saw him coming back from his bedroom holding a few towels.

The elder wrapped the bigger one around him, then took a smaller towel and began drying his wet hair gently.

Taehyung was still sitting on the couch while Jin stood over him,

and when he tilted his head up slightly, he could see the man’s flushed face, hair and shirt still damp from earlier.

 

Lips still swollen

 

 

His heart gave a confused thud at the sight

 

 

“What?” the man chuckled softly, noticing his stare.

Eyes still focused on his working hands now, ears flaming red.

 

Taehyung’s eyes dropped, He bit his lip, feeling nervous

 

Now what?

 

Were they going to address the elephant in the room?

 

They had just kissed

 

And by kissed, he meant making out

 

Hard

 

What were they now?

 

Still “Hyung” and “dongsaeng”? Still “friends”?

 

They hadn’t even been friends to begin with

 

Shit

 

Things will get harder now

 

“Hyung …”

 

What are we now?

 

He couldn’t ask that

 

Not when it was his first time kissing another man.

 

The man must be scared, nervous,he still remembered his own first time,

He can’t pressure him, doesn’t want to appear pushy or needy.

 

But he wants a clarification too

 

No, “needs” one

 

He got kissed by the man first,

not the other way around (regarding him jumping on his hyung later), but still,

His hyung should be the first one to approach this “hard” talk.

 

He should say…

 

 

 

“Do you want hot cocoa?”

 

 

What?

 

“Huh?”

 

He saw how the man avoided his eyes, turned away, face red

 

Is he blushing?

 

“I think I have some here, let me check”

 

Oh, he is avoiding him now

 

Taehyung trailed after the man into the kitchen,

stopping just inside the doorway. The man was already at the stove,

boiling water, his movements careful and deliberate as he prepared cocoa.

His face, ears, and neck were flushed, and yet he still refused to meet Taehyung’s gaze.

 

The kitchen’s golden light cast a warm halo over him,

his broad frame cutting a deep shadow against the wall. Outside,

rain tapped steadily against the windows, but in here, the air felt soft and safe,cozy in a way that made it hard to leave.

 

Jin’s kitchen opened into the living room through a wide counter,

the space blending modern design with a comforting homeliness.

Taehyung leaned lazily against the counter, eyes fixed on Jin’s hands as they worked.

 

He watched the steam curl upward when Jin poured hot water over the cocoa powder,

finishing with a dusting of chocolate on top,

The end result looked like something straight out of a café,perfect enough to be photographed

 

“I want marshmallows with it,” Taehyung said before he could stop himself

 

A quiet chuckle escaped Jin

“I don’t have any, sorry,” he murmured,

glancing at him only to look away almost immediately when he caught Taehyung’s stare.

 

They ended up on the same couch again,

though with more space between them this time,each sitting on opposite ends.

 

Taehyung stayed curled up, wrapped in the oversized towel,

the warm mug cradled between both hands as he took slow sips.

 

It was delicious

 

Silence lingered, thick but not unbearable.

The air between them still hummed with tension,

but the sound of rain outside and the steady warmth inside made it feel… almost peaceful

 

“How do you know I like hot cocoa?” Taehyung asked at last

 

Jin didn’t even blink

 

“You liked it when you were younger,” he said with a small shrug

 

Taehyung’s brow furrowed

 

Did he? He couldn’t remember exactly when the habit had started

 

“Hyung, you don’t like it?” he asked, noticing Jin hadn’t made a cup for himself

 

“Hot cocoa isn’t healthy”

Taehyung snorted under his breath

 

The silence returned, softer this time,

until the rain eased to nothing but a distant drip.

Taehyung’s eyelids grew heavier with each passing minute

His cocoa had been gone for a while now, but the warmth still lingered.

 

“Let’s get you home. The rain’s stopped,” Jin’s voice broke through the quiet as he stood.

 

“Okay,” Taehyung mumbled, his tone small, almost childlike

 

They walked side by side through the quiet neighborhood,

shoulders brushing now and then. The air was crisp in the early morning,

the kind of cold that made each breath visible. Jin had lent him his hoodie again,

wearing one himself

 

 

When they reached the Kim house,

 

their pace slowed to a halt. Jin took a small step back, a faint smile tugging at his lips,

 

“Go inside. It’s cold now,” he said, hands buried deep in his pockets

 

The wind stirred his hair gently, the faintest light of dawn touching his features.

 

Something about the moment felt delicate, almost too much to look at directly

 

When are you gonna kiss me again? he want to ask

 

The man seemed to sense the weight of Taehyung’s gaze because he turned away,

 

his ears tinged red

 

From the cold?

 

 

 

Taehyung’s heart gave another unsteady thud

 

 

He’d never experienced anything quite like this,

 

kissing someone, sharing cocoa, and being walked home, all in a single night

 

 

 

Definitely, what a night!

 

 

 

Notes:

They finally kissed 🙈

have you enjoyed the very detailed makeout session ?

I realized that it is still very hard for me to write a makeout scences 🙈, I wrote it at 6 AM haha

anyway, don't worry this still a slow burn story

don't be shy and let me know your thoughts about this story 🥺

See you next chapter💓

Chapter 10: A Bear or A Tiger

Summary:

“just take Tae with you hyung “

“just take Tae with you hyung “

 

Jin almost flinched when he heard the younger name , he was discussing with Namjoon about his plan to specify one of his guest rooms and redecorate it to be his small office from now on , as he was planning his business comeback , they were discussing the decoration and wall paint design when Namjoon recommend to take Taehyung opinion on the design and decoration , because the younger is an art student himself

“Umm , I am not sure if he is available? “ He tried to escape

“don’t worry , let me talk to him “ Namjoon said

 

Shit

 

They didn’t interact together after that hot make out session , or to be more specific , it was him who didn’t initiate any interaction with the younger after that day , he still remembered when he came back after he walk him home that morning , he saw the cup which Taehyung drink the hot cocoa from , cold now but somehow still has the younger warmth , that day he didn’t sleep a wink thinking about him , about them

About those lips

It was that day when he let his first tears free after two years , he was raised to be a tough man , taught to not show his weakness to other ,

Taught that tears are for weak men,and he wasn’t a weak man ,

Taught that emotions found to be buried down and not be shown to the outer world

So when he felt himself crying silent tears , he let it be , as still no one around now to witness it

Maybe he was a weak man after all,

He laid himself on the small couch in his living room , on the same spot Taehyung was pressed under him earlier that night, his tears flow increasing when he can still smell the younger sweet shampoo fragrance on his cushions ,

 

But still somehow he wake-up fresh the next day , feeling his face and ears getting red, his heart exploding whenever he thinks about him , about the kisses , about Taehyung , feeling his energy came back after many days of locking himself in his home , doing nothing productive

 

He hate to admit it , but that was the best kiss he ever experienced

Even with his ex-girlfriend

He can still remembered his’s addictive lips, soft skin , small waist and how he couldn’t stop
Touching , kissing him

God he tried to stop many times but the way Taehyung was clinging to him , demanding kisses
Was driving him crazy , his body was over heated in no time

After a long time

He was turned on so easily by those kisses only , Taehyung wasn’t even touching him in that way

His body got turned on by Taehyung’s kisses

He got turned on by another man kisses

He still can’t get over that information, but kisses are kisses whether it was from a man or a women right ?

But he shouldn’t got turned on , he should feel disgusted

But he wasn’t

 

His phone lighten showing upcoming new message

“Hello Hyung , I am free tomorrow , we can go together , Namjoonie huyng told me you need my assistance for your office decoration”

It was Taehyung

He didn’t even mention his name, just straight to the point , like he was so confident that Jin saved his number already after that day when he goes to pick him up

Which is true , Jin saved his number that night

Fuck

He still not confident to face the boy after what happened between them

It was already one week has passed since that night ,he never saw the younger since then

how he will face those eyes again

how he will look at those lips without thinking about their kisses

He was doomed

 

Taehyung felt himself going crazy thinking about him already , he can’t stop thinking about
His touch , soft but possessive and firm around his waist , hot lips claiming his , how he was breathing hard on his face like he was trying hard to control himself

How he felt his evidence of his excitement pressed to him , the way he was embarrassed and try to hide it afterward

And now after Taehyung knows how the man kiss,touch , how his face looked after he got kissed,

Breathless , eyes hooded and those lips got so red , so swollen

Taehyung finds his hand inside his pant later that night, touching himself for the first time after a long time , breathless, almost crashing , almost there,he just need to focus on the man aroused face and hot kisses But in the middle of his peak, closing his eyes he saw the man soft face when he he walked him that morning, shy red ears , soft brown eyes

He felt himself reaching his climax immediately ,crying the man name in his dark room

 

“Jin Hyung “

 

Jin finds himself inside his car in-front of Kim house waiting for the younger in a hot Friday morning , the weather was very hot that day but at the same time was a bit bearable because of the cool wind that day , he almost chocked on his breath when he saw Taehyung coming out wearing a white T-shirt tucked in a denim( hot)shorts jeans , he was wearing a black summer shades,converse high tops beige and white all star sneakers and carries a soft beige bag in a shape of brown bear , black curls swaying softly because of the wind, and if Jin was honest with himself that moment he never saw such a hot but cute and boyish look like that before ,or maybe because it was Taehyung who was wearing it , the short jeans showing the boy’s slim waist but full thighs and bonny soft brown knees and suddenly he remembered how small that waist feel under his hands that night ,

This is dangerous

He just prays that everything will run smooth before his body betray him again in-front of Taehyung

“Morning , Hyung “

He heard that deep serine voice when the boy is close enough in the front seat

“Morning “ he manages a weak greeting , suddenly the air feels more suffocating inside his car

He can smell that strawberry vanilla shampoo and sweeten fragrance the boy wears now he is close , and Jin feels the heat spreads in his body fast , heart beating crazy

 

He just wish the younger didn’t notice his red neck

He starts driving and try to increases the AC , sensing the tension doubling when none of them are talking to ease it

He should say something

Clearing his throat

“wher..”
“Hyu..”
They said at the same time

They chuckled at that

WHAT IS THIS!

“hyung you first “ he noticed Taehyung ruffling his hair looking outside the window

Is he nervous too ?

“Where we should go first to check ?“ he felt his voice is stuck now

“we can go to the main mall close by first , I saw some decoration shops there before “

“ok” he starts drive there directly

Again silence

“now your turn , what do you want to say earlier ?“ he tried not to stutter , eyes focused on the road

Silence again before came a soft

“Ah , it was nothing important hyung “

He looked at the younger at that , and he found him looking out of the window pouting , somehow looking disappointed

Why,?

Before his eyes moved and looks at those tan thighs the morning sun was reflecting on them , making them looks more tanned , more soft to touch

STOP

He moves his attention to the road instantly trying to ease the heat spreading in his body again

 

They reached the mall after 20 minutes drive from the Kim house , it wasn’t crowded maybe due it was a Friday morning , many Seoul’s resident are at work or school ,it was one of the city’s biggest and popular shopping center with variety options of luxuries clothes retails to home and office appliance , it was more cooler inside than the swealring heat outside , Jin felt his ear getting red when he noticed their reflection of their matching out fit together on one of the shops glass , he just realize he was wearing an oversized white T-shirt with a wide legs denim jeans , and a black hat , his black sun-glass matching the younger one too

They look like a couple

 

He was busy with checking out the younger outfit earlier to notice they are matching in the outfit
He noticed how many people where looking at them , judging glances maybe

 

They went to one of the stores , it was located in the ground floor , and was specialized in the office furniture and decoration

Taehyung was walking in-front of him looking around the shop , and Jin tried but failed to not look at the younger backside , that short jeans doing him unfair, he just realized that the younger is backed in that area

“Hyung ?” he jumed when he heared Taehyung’s voice

Ears red , like a kid caught with a stolen candy , he tried to look innocent when he looked at the younger and just hums as an answer

Good thing he was still wearing that sunglasses to hide his inappropriate stares earlier

“do you like it ? “

Yeah

“maybe , I am not sure “ he just answers randomly , he wasn’t paying attention to the younger choice of one of the office disk

Taehyung eyeing him suspiciously before he goes to another one , looking around again

He needs to focus

After two rounds around the big show room ,he saw Taehyung stops at one of the desks , it was elegant with a soft brown wood it was an warm brown Italian office design with warm terracotta and olive , it give a luxury ,modern and elegance vibe at the same time , it was nice , and it seams the younger likes it more because he saw how hi long fingers pass slowly towards the soft shining surface , big eyes mouth open admiring it before he turns and look at him with puppy eyes excited

“Hyung , I like this one , what do you think ?”

“yeah , I like it too “ he answers honestly giving the younger a small smile

Taehyung has a good eye indeed

 

They noticed how the sales male was eager to compliment him for his taste

“What a nice taste you have Mr..?”

“Taehyung “

“oh you really have a good taste Mr.Taehyung “the sales man was looking at Taehyung with
A flirty eyes , Taehyung looks shy at the complaint tucking his hair behind his ear

 

Jin clears his throat and it seam that the sales just noticed he was there too

“do you like it too , Mr?” his smile looked fake to Jin this time

“Yeah , not bad” Jin feels himself getting worked up without any clear reason

“Hyung , you don’t like it ?“ that pout again

“no no , I really like it can we know about the price ? “ he tried to conceal the situation , walking ahead but making sure he was close to the younger

If the younger liked it , then he liked too

“Sure , please follow me “ the sales man looks delighted that he got his first sale of the day

 

They were going from one shop to another for two hours now , almost finished all the required list Jin has in his mind , now they are at one of the interior design shops to look for some office decoration and wall paints , Jin was planing to have a small couch in his office room too in case he will host some clients later , the tension between them are still there but at-least they can talk to each other more easily now after they spends two hours going around

 

“what color do you have in your mind for the wall paint ?” Taehyung was walking ahead again looking around thoughtfully

And again Jin is facing his internal demons and try not to look at Taehyung’s back side and those long legs

“Hyung ?”

He jumped again at the younger voice , he saw the younger let a soft sigh at his distracted state
Comes closer and takes off Jin’s black shades

“This is better , I want to look at you “ he smiles at him before turns and walk away

Jin felt his heart beats fast at the gesture

 

They choose the wall paint and the younger thinks the soft beige color with a beige marble floor will goes perfect with the desk design they choose earlier , they also choose some decorations and art paints that Jin likes it more than anything they bought till now

 

Taehyung indeed has an artistic view

 

They were walking beside each other looking around for more wall paints , Jin was pushing their full shopping cart now with the younger excitedly showing him one by one art pieces , at some point he offered to hold the younger’s cute bear bag for him as he was busy jumping from one stall to another
Jin feels his heart wants to explode fondly because of the boy’s excited puppy eyes when he shows him or explain one art paint for him , how his thick eyebrows raise abit ,eyes turns wide when he finds an artistic decoration , how his boxy smile shows proudly, or how he tucked his hair shyly when Jin praise his taste , Jin realized that

The younger is still that cute 6 years old “Taetae” even he claimed he wasn’t before

 

He still remember how Mr.Kim called him “Taebear” that day , the younger definitely is a cute bear
Same as the cute bag he was holding , Jin’s thoughs got interrupted when he felt something soft touch his hands on the cart handle ,

it was Taehyung’s hand

The younger has just put his hand beside his on the cart handle, hands touching now , Jin’s heart beating fast again he tried to look at the younger face only to finds him looking away biting his lips shyly

Oh-

Jin’s didn’t move his hand

 

They decide to end the shopping day when they realized the sun was dipping in the horizon already

They spent the whole day at the shopping mall

Their feet were killing them after the long day moving around , then Jin’s decide it was time for their early dinner when he hears the younger stomach growls comically making Jin laugh softly at that , Taehyung looked embarrassed , time passed really fast they didn’t even notice is evening time already

He must be really hungry , they didn’t even ate a lunch, Jin feels guilty now

“I am sorry Taehyung-ah, Let’s feed you , it is already late “ ,

 

He followed the younger again, this time to a rooftop restaurant tucked inside the mall. Taehyung had mentioned it was famous for its Italian pasta, and Jin had agreed immediately he liked Italian pasta too.

When they finally stepped out onto the rooftop, both of them were mesmerized. The sunset melted into Seoul’s skyline, the warm glow of the city’s early night lights blending perfectly with streaks of purple and pink in the sky. Each table was adorned with a small yellow lamp, giving the whole place a romantic, mellow charm.

They sat at a table for two near the railing, close enough to feel the cool evening breeze. Jin grew flustered when he realized most of the diners around them were couples. Before the thought could root too deeply, though, his attention was stolen by the boy across from him.

The wind toyed with Taehyung’s soft curls, the shifting sky painting him in hues of violet and gold. His chin rested against long, elegant fingers, lashes fluttering with each gust of air. That was when Jin noticed really noticed how brown his eyes were, warm and deep, a small mole sitting perfectly beneath his left one.

He was a painting come alive.

Jin found himself wishing he had a camera to capture the moment, to hang it proudly in his office as if it were art. And maybe it was. Maybe art didn’t need to belong to Picasso or Van Gogh. Maybe art was simply this boy -Taehyung-under Seoul’s painted sky. who belong to his eyes for now

As if sensing his gaze, Taehyung turned his head. Their eyes met, and Jin’s breath hitched. He couldn’t look away.

The sunset reflected in those amber eyes, soft at first, then sharper, like a tiger watching its prey. Jin could see himself mirrored there, caught in that gaze, frozen under its weight.

“Good evening, gentlemen. What can I get you tonight?”

The waiter’s voice broke through the tension, saving Jin from drowning in his own flustered state. The man directed his question toward Taehyung, whose expression softened instantly, puppy like again as he glanced at the waiter with slight embarrassment.

“We haven’t looked at the menu yet… could you recommend something?”

With the waiter’s guidance, Taehyung settled on the chicken fettuccine Alfredo. He looked at Jin, eyes expectant.

“Hyung, what do you think?”

“I’m good with that,” Jin answered, going along with the younger’s choice.

In truth, he never cared much for creamy sauces, but when Taehyung picked it, he didn’t hesitate. And to his surprise, it was delicious.

He found himself quietly endeared by the way Taehyung ate—refined, yet with a childlike carelessness. A streak of white sauce clung to the corner of his lips. Without thinking, Jin reached across the table and gently wiped it away with his napkin. He didn’t miss the way Taehyung flushed at the touch.

Jin didn’t bother searching for reasons anymore.

They ended the meal with dessert,Taehyung choosing a blueberry cheesecake while Jin ordered himself a glass of wine. Taehyung had whined about wanting wine too, but Jin refused, ordering him a strawberry juice instead. Predictably, the boy pouted, but Jin only chuckled and stood firm.

Later, when the bill came, Taehyung protested again, but Jin shut him down with the same simple reasoning: he was the hyung.

 

______________________________________________________

 

Jin parked in front of the Kim house for the second time that day. His stomach was full from the delicious dinner, but his heart was full for an entirely different reason. After so many hollow days, there was something quietly soothing in the air between them now. The earlier tension hadn’t vanished, but it had softened like the heavy, contented stillness after a warm meal, when all you want is to lean back and drift into sleep.

 

Beside him, Taehyung looked drowsy, his soft hair falling in messy strands against the headrest, gaze unfocused as he stared out the window. There was something wistful in the way his lips pouted faintly, something sad beneath the silence he had held since the start of the ride. Jin didn’t disturb him, letting him rest. But as they rolled to a stop, he cleared his throat quietly.

 

“Taehyung-ah, thank y…”
The words caught in his throat when he suddenly felt those lips press against his own.

 

Silence

 

He froze, stunned, hands still gripping the steering wheel. Taehyung pulled back almost immediately, close enough that Jin could still feel his warm breath hovering over his lips. A beat of hesitation, and then the younger leaned in again, firmer this time, longer

Jin’s heart thundered in his chest. He couldn’t move, couldn’t react, only closed his eyes and let the sensation wash over him. When Taehyung pulled back again, there was distance this time, enough to make Jin ache
.
No. Please, don’t go - He wants to beg -

 

“Good night, hyung. Thanks for the dinner.” Taehyung’s voice was soft, his smile shy, his face tinged pink

 

“Y–yeah… good night,” Jin rasped, his breath uneven, His eyes darted to the boy’s lips again, noticing the way Taehyung’s gaze lingered on his own mouth, the twitch of his hand like he was holding himself back from reaching out. He swallowed hard, nodded once, and turned to open the car door.
Jin’s chest clenched.

 

He wanted to stop him, to beg him to stay just a little longer, to keep the void at bay for one more moment.
The door shut, leaving Jin alone with the sound of his own racing heartbeat. He dropped his forehead against the steering wheel, breathing raggedly, feeling both light and unbearably heavy at once.

 

And then the door opened again

 

“Taehyung-ah, wha…..”

His words were swallowed by another kiss, urgent this time. Taehyung clutched at his face, nails biting into his skin, demanding what Jin hadn’t given before.

 

And this time, Jin kissed him back. His hand slid instinctively to the boy’s jaw, and the soft whine Taehyung let out made Jin’s resolve shatter.

The kiss deepened, messy and desperate, Taehyung sucked at his lower lip before pushing his tongue into Jin’s mouth, tasting faintly of strawberry milkshake and cheesecake from earlier.

Jin moaned softly as the boy pulled him deeper into it, their breaths hot and uneven, tangled in the small, suffocating space of the car.

And then Taehyung shifted, clumsy and fevered, climbing onto his lap. The tight space forced Jin to recline the seat back, the weight of the younger’s body pressing flush against his chest.

Shit. They were outside the Kim house. In his car. Making out.

Anyone could see them.

But neither of them seemed to care. Neither of them had any intention of stopping.

 

And for Jin, the fear that began to creep in wasn’t about being caught.

 

It was about something far more dangerous.

Notes:

Hi ,

 

I was planing for a long chapter but I will seprate it into two instead ,

I am wondering if you still enjoy this mess ?

again , apologises in advance for any mistakes will come back later for edit

Chapter 11: No Dice

Summary:

He wants to be the only one to have him like this

And this “only “ is what scare him the most

Jin found himself back at the Kims’ house again, this time with a cold beer in hand in a hot day in their backyard under the porch roof , although it was raining often now but that didn’t lower the day time ‘ heat , this time the heat isn't compared to the one in his heart right now , ,It was one of those August afternoons when the air clung heavy to the skin，humid, suffocating.

From his seat, he watched Taehyung at a distance, crouched in the grass as he played with Jimin’s dog. Laughter spilled easily from the boy’s lips, carried by the breeze, and Jin caught himself gripping the neck of his beer bottle tighter than necessary.

 

Namjoon had insisted he come over for lunch, and Jin hadn’t been able to refuse. Part of him had wanted to，wanted to avoid the gnawing ache he carried with him these days but there had been too many reasons to accept. He wanted to catch up with his best friend, wanted to greet Namjoon’s parents who always asked after him… and, most of all, he wanted to see Taehyung again.
He had missed him.
It had been two weeks since they’d last seen each other, since that shopping trip , and not a day had gone by when Jin didn’t think of it, of him.
Earlier at lunch, he’d noticed the younger’s gaze flickering toward him. A shy greeting at first, but later, when no one was paying attention, Taehyung’s eyes lingered longer, bold and shameless. The memory made Jin’s pulse skip even now.

He raised the bottle to his lips, taking a slow sip as he tore his eyes away from the sight of Taehyung tumbling into the grass with the dog. But no matter how hard he tried, his attention slipped back, as if drawn by a magnet.
And all Jin could think was how badly he wanted to be alone with him again

 

Jin’s gaze lingered on the yard, where Taehyung had collapsed into the soft grass, laughter spilling from him in unrestrained waves as the cute dog attacked his face with enthusiastic licks. The sound was bright, boyish, utterly unguarded. The afternoon sun caught in the younger’s black silk strands, turning them into a mess of shining waves as he tried to wriggle free from the dog’s weight.Taehyung was wearing a yellow summer short - again - and a long light short sleeve oversized white T-shirt , his shirt rising a bit showing that cute tummy when he was tangled down by the dog

Too bad for Jin’s sanity already , but he couldn’t look away

Apart from the heat spreading in his body now , Jin feels a strange clench in his heart at the sight , he just realized how he likes the younger laugh , how he looks so nature and happy playing with that dog
Then Jin suddenly feels the same fear he felt a merely weeks ago creeping his heart again, this time with only one thought

He only wants to see Taehyung happy

And he felt his heart gave a loud thud at that

He has ignored that fear in the past , when they were in his car , making out , there was only one thought echoing in his head that time, he want to be the only one to witness this Taehyung

Or worse

He wants to be the only one to have him like this

And this “only “ is what scare him the most

 

“How’s the business going, son?”
Jin was grateful for Mr. Kim’s voice breaking through the dark loop of thoughts tightening in his chest. And yet, at the same time, he resented it because it forced him to pull his eyes away from the two adorable creatures rolling in the grass, one furry, the other painfully more adorable.

“Business is slow right now,” Jin replied politely, straightening in his chair, “but steady. Thank you for asking, Abeoji.”

Mr. Kim chuckled, waving a hand. “Ah, it takes time for a young entrepreneur to find his place in this big city. But I’m glad you’ve come back to the market again, son.”

“Ah… yeah.” Jin forced a smile.

But his attention drifted almost immediately, pulled by the magnetic sound of laughter,deep, full-bodied, alive. It carried from the lawn, where Taehyung was still wrestling with the dog, his joy spilling into the humid summer air.

Jin tried to nod along, tried to focus on Mr. Kim’s words of encouragement. But all he could hear was that laugh, echoing in his head, distracting him, unraveling him one note at a time.

 

Taehyung was escaping Jimin’s attack when he starts to use the garden’s water hose to splash him with water , both he and the cute dog were running away from the attack , their loud giggles echoes in the small backyard space ,

He tried to focus on Mr.Kim conversation again, now talking about some fishing plan on the next weekend , when he heard another third voice joining the trio in the small garden

 

“Jiminah , don’t have mercy on him”
Jin didn’t like the voice before he sees the person

It was that Minjae , he showed up out of the blue and he saw him holding Taehyung against his chest to stops him from escaping his best friend attack , the younger’s hair and T-shirt all wet now , the shirt was clinging to his lean body showing underneath his baby’s twins , and Jin didn’t feel himself when he moves towards the trio’s in the back yard,glad that Mr.Kim left to brings more beer to their table

 

______________________________________________________

 

Taehyung struggled against the spray of water, laughing and shouting as he kicked helplessly in Minjae’s grip. The older boy’s arm was firm around his waist, holding him in place like a hostage while the cold droplets rained over them. He wriggled and squirmed, but it was useless—Minjae only tightened his hold, grinning at his protests.

And then, just as suddenly as it had started, the attack stopped

 

Taehyung blinked water from his lashes, confused, until he noticed the broad figure now blocking the spray. Jin’s wide back stood between him and the assault, the fabric of his shirt quickly soaking through.

 

“Hyungnim! What are you doing?” Jimin squeaked, lowering the hose in surprise

 

But Jin wasn’t scolding. Instead, he crouched slightly, scooping up the wet, shivering puppy with gentle hands. “Yah, Jimiah, you splashed the poor puppy too,” he murmured, brushing water from the small creature’s fur. Then, with the puppy tucked safely in his arms, he glanced back, eyes cutting briefly to Taehyung and Minjae.

 

That look

Taehyung didn’t know why it sent a rush through him, but suddenly he wanted out of Minjae’s grip. Slightly. He twisted, and Minjae, perhaps sensing something shift, finally released him.

Taehyung trailed after Jin, his steps quiet, almost guilty, as if the elder’s stare alone had called him forward.

Jin stopped then, turning suddenly. His gaze locked on Taehyung’s drenched figure, lingering for a beat too long before his voice came, low and clipped.

“You should go and change before you catch a cold.”

No more. No less
.
And then he walked off, the puppy cradled in his arms, leaving Taehyung with the weight of that stare still burning against his skin.

Behind him, Jimin watched the exchange unfold, amusement tugging at his lips.

 

“There something definitively happened between you too “

“what do you mean , with who ?” Taehyung trying to act innocently

 

They were in his room , he was changing his shirt , trying to avoid his soulmate’s suspicious stares

Jimin roll his eyes

“your daddy looks jealous earlier “

“who ?”

 

This time Jimin glare at him
“Jin hyunggg “

 

He felt himself flinched at the elder’s man name

He was Jealous ? of who ?

“did you guys fucks ?“

“shhh, are you crazy ?” he panicked and throw his billow on his best friend , runs to close his bedroom door

“then why are you guys acts like some virgins in a cheap romcom ?“

This time Taehyung rolls his eyes

“don’t say ridiculous things now chim , there is nothing happened between me and hyung “ he tried to acts convincingly before he changes his wet shirt , Jimin’s scrutinizing stares following him

 

When he goes back downstairs he finds the man sitting cross legs on one of their backyard’s porch door steps , Jimin’s puppy sitting on his lap looking close to sleep already , Jin was petting him softly , sometime scratches behind his ears with the puppy trying to lick his hand

 

“He likes you , hyung “ he sit beside them

The man just glances at him once before he goes back to pet the dog softly

“hmm ..”

 

Ok …?! and-

Then there that awkward silence between them again,

 

This was the first interaction after that car make-out session and Taehyung was hoping for a better conversation , he wasn’t expected for them to jump directly and discuss whatever going on between them , but he was expecting that the tension will ease a bit after last time , them going out together , dinging then kissing or to be more accurate it was him who jumped on the elder , but the man kissed him back - with the same passion - So Taehyung was hoping they will communicate better now , although they still didn’t discuss regarding those make-out session yet , but again he thinks it should be the elder approaching the hard talk .

He wasn’t planing to kiss the man again last time , but he couldn’t stop himself , all past weeks and during that day he was hoping for the elder to talk , to address the tension , to explain why he kissed him that rainy day then ignore him for the rest days , Taehyung was feeling restless waiting for answers, he thought the man still needs some space , time to sort his feeling , -maybe he was
nervous , shy ?- Taehyung didn’t want to pressure him to find answers on the same day or the following week , then the man disapered without giving him any clues and if wasn’t for Namjoon idea to take his opnion on the new office design , Taehyung feels that the man will not contact him again ,

 

That day he wants to reject Namjoon request , to gave lame excuses so he will not go with the elder , feeling hurt already because of the man’s ignorance

 

But again he thought maybe he was nervous , that’s why he was hiding

But instead the elder looks like he didn’t even remember , driving casually and didn’t even ask about his where about for the past weeks , Taehyung was feeling hurt

And he shouldn’t , Why he should be the one feeling hurt when he was the one got kissed first ?

 

He sulked for the most of the day , but didn’t miss how the elder was following blindly every suggestion of his , starting from the office desk design, wall paint , even restaurant and dinner selection
Somehow warms his heart towards the elder man , then came the time they should say their “good bye “and the elder didn’t say anything Taehyung was hoping to hear , So he kissed him first , just to test the water

Once ,

then twice

But the man didn’t kiss back , and Taehyung starts to feel disappointed , then he did one thing that shake Taehyung resolve

He closed his eyes

Like he was savoring the moment

And Taehyung couldn’t hold himself back after that , and kissed him again to demand him to kiss back but when he did and the kiss got desperate , Taehyung found himself climbing the man lap shamelessly , he still feeling jittery whenever he thinks about that nigh, and what would happened if they weren’t got interrupted by the noise coming from their neighbour car

Even now , he still feels shy but hot in his-body whenever he remembers their kisses

 

By the time dinner rolled around, Taehyung was surprised to find that Jin still hadn’t left their house. Instead, he was in the living room with Namjoon, sitting cross-legged on the floor, both locked in an intense battle on the screen. The competitive edge in Jin’s voice was something new, each round sharpening him further. He beat Namjoon, then Jimin, then even Jungkook—who was notorious for hating to lose.
Taehyung sat back on the large couch, his knees pulled close, eyes fixed on the game from behind the players. Minjae sat next to him, He barely noticed Minjae’s presence at all, because his gaze kept slipping toward Jin.

 

All afternoon it had been the same. Jin hadn’t ignored him completely, there were the occasional side glances, quick and almost edged, but he never sought him out either. He was always busy, helping his mother set the table, talking with his father and Namjoon, playing with Jimin’s dogs. He hadn’t spoken much to Minjae either, but that didn’t make Taehyung feel any better. He felt… unseen.

 

When they all sat down for dinner, Minjae had slid into the seat beside him, and Taehyung swore he could feel Jin’s stare from across the table, sharp and heavy. It only made the need inside him stronger, the desperate ache for Jin’s attention.

“Hyung, you should let Taehyung play too,” Jimin said suddenly, a mischievous smile tugging at his lips from where he lounged on the other couch

Taehyung’s heart jumped when Jin turned slightly, side eyeing him with a flicker of hesitation and nervousness in his gaze

“Right! Taehyungie hyung hasn’t taken a turn,” Jungkook added quickly, exchanging a look with Jimin, both whispering like co-conspirators

“Okay then. Taehyung ah, try your luck.” Namjoon stood, handing him the controller with a grin

Taehyung hesitated. He hadn’t planned on playing, First he wasn’t good at this game, and the last thing he wanted was to embarrass himself in front of Jin after watching him win every round. Still, under the weight of so many eyes, he took the controller, cheeks warm.

And somehow, against all odds, he won.

 

Jimin and Jungkook immediately erupted in protest. “No way! He let you win, Taehyung-ah!” Jimin cried, pointing accusingly at the elder.

“Yeah, hyung never loses! That was too easy!” Jungkook added, pouting. But somehow share a secretive mischievous look with Jimin , Minjae looks at them with amusement too,

Jin only leaned back against the couch, expression unreadable, and muttered coolly,

“My new character wasn’t moving fast.”

The excuse only fueled their complaints further, but Taehyung hardly heard them. His heart was racing, his lips twitching with a smile he couldn’t quite hide. For the first time all evening, Jin’s attention had been on him

 

______________________________________________________

 

Jimin and Jungkook suggested a movie after dinner, and Taehyung didn’t expect Jin to join them. He was sure the man would excuse himself, claim it was already late, and head home. But when Jin sat down on the smaller couch instead of the single chair by Namjoon, Taehyung froze for a beat.

He noticed the glance quick, subtle, but unmistakable before Jin settled in. It felt like an invitation, like he already knew Taehyung would follow.

And Taehyung did

He slipped into the empty space beside him, trying to look casual even as Jimin’s sharp gaze flicked their way. The movie began, the lights dimmed, but Taehyung’s focus never landed on the screen. Not once.

It was all on the man next to him, leaning back against the couch with easy casual, a cushion resting on his lap, his profile lit by the flickering light from the television. He looked calm, pensive even, eyes fixed forward,

 

But Taehyung’s chest was a storm

He didn’t understand the need clawing at him since the afternoon, the restless ache for Jin’s attention. It sat heavy in him, this desperate urge to close the distance, to reach out and remind the man of something unspoken between them

Remind him of touch

Of what it had felt like.

And maybe, more than anything, Taehyung wanted to see his reaction again, to prove to himself that he hadn’t imagined it.

 

Therefore, he leaned closer to the man’s side, casually, or at least he tried to make it seem so. The darkness of the room emboldened him, the only light flickering from the movie screen. It was an action film, loud and dramatic, and everyone else seemed too immersed to notice what was happening in the shadowed corner of the couch

Taehyung shifted closer. Their arms brushed first, the faintest contact, and he felt Jin’s body tense beside him, just for a second , before it loosened again, like nothing had happened

That tiny reaction was all the encouragement Taehyung needed.

He leaned further, the weight of his upper body now resting fully against Jin’s right side. The heat seared through the thin layer of fabric separating them, spreading like wildfire beneath his skin. His heart hammered, but he couldn’t stop himself.
Almost without thinking, his hand drifted lower until his fingers came to rest lightly on the man’s thigh. He felt Jin jolt beneath his touch, the muscles in his leg tightening as if the contact had caught him completely off guard

 

Taehyung’s breath hitched. He didn’t move his hand away. If anything, the tremor of Jin’s reaction only made the heat in his chest burn hotter.

He considered pulling back, afraid of scaring him off, when he saw Jin shift the cushion on his lap, carefully angling it in such a way that no one else could see.

Shielding him

Taehyung almost choked on his breath

Then Taehyung’s hand moved, sliding down onto his thigh beneath the cushion. He felt the man jolt again , his right hand came and grasp his wondering hand ,but before Taehyung could panic or retreat, he felt Jin’s fingers curl around his own, not pushing him away, but holding him there. Stopping him

 

Claiming him

 

And Taehyung… Taehyung couldn’t resist. He threaded his long fingers through Jin’s, fitting them between the elder’s soft, crooked ones. Holding hands, hidden beneath the cushion

His heart slammed against his ribs

The grip tightened, steady, and Taehyung swore the man could hear his heartbeat pounding in the dark.
Minutes slipped by. The movie played on, but he barely registered the sound of gunfire and
explosions from the screen. The earlier rush of heat was fading into something warmer, steadier—like being wrapped in a blanket. Cozy. Safe. His body grew heavy with it, eyelids drooping, leaning deeper into the man’s solid side.

He wasn’t watching the movie; he was only listening to the rhythm of his own pulse and the warmth radiating from the man’s warm body.

 

He wanted to lay his head on his shoulder. Just once. Just to see what it felt like.

But before he could, Jin shifted beneath him. The cushion moved restlessly on his lap, his grip loosening, a quiet clearing of his throat breaking the stillness.

Then Jin rose abruptly, murmuring something about going to the bathroom, leaving Taehyung alone on the couch with his hand suddenly empty and the ghost of warmth still lingering on his skin.

 

He splashed cool water on his face, gripping the sink like it might steady him. His reflection stared back at him from the mirror, cheeks flushed, body still tingling from the ghost of Taehyung’s touch.

God

He hadn’t meant to hold his hand. He should have pushed him away, should have stopped it before it began. But the warmth of Taehyung’s fingers sliding between his own had undone him completely.

That quiet pressure, hidden beneath a cushion, had sent heat rushing through his veins in a way he couldn’t deny.
He let out a shaky breath, dragging a hand over his face. His body was still betraying him, tight, restless, turned on by something as innocent as the boy’s touch. He hated himself for it. And yet, he couldn’t forget it.

“Get it together,” he muttered at his reflection.

The door creaked open behind him. He whipped his head around fast somehow he knew who would be

Like his body knew before his mind catch

 

Taehyung

 

The younger slipped inside silently, closing the door at his back. His hair was mussed, sticking in soft curls, his eyes heavy-lidded from drowsiness. But beneath that sleepiness was something else something hesitant and raw that made Jin’s breath stop;

For a moment, they only stared at each other. Jin’s chest heaved. Taehyung leaned against the door, gaze unsteady, but he didn’t look away

And Jin broke.

 

He crossed the small bathroom in two strides, pressing Taehyung back against the door, his hands braced on either side. His lips found the younger’s in a rush, urgent and unrestrained

The kiss was everything he had been holding back, hungry, heated, desperate. He felt Taehyung’s soft gasp vibrate against his mouth, then the boy’s arms looped around his neck, pulling him closer still

 

Stop Me

 

Jin groaned, deep in his chest, as if kissing him was the only thing keeping him alive.

 

Jin groaned into the kiss , the sound low and ragged, like something breaking loose inside him. Taehyung’s lips parted against his own, pliant but eager, and Jin took the invitation without hesitation, Their mouths slanted together, urgent and messy, teeth clashing before settling into a rhythm that felt dangerously addictive.

Taehyung tugged at the collar of his shirt, fingers curling desperately, pulling him closer as though afraid he’d slip away. Jin pressed harder, caging him against the door, one hand sliding up to cradle the back of his head, slipping through those silk curls

 

The other gripping his waist tight harder when he remembered Minjae earlier hold on the boy’s slim waist

 

The boy’s warmth seeped into him, his soft body pressed against Jin’s harder frame, and the space between them disappeared

 

The kiss deepened, tongues tangling now, hot and reckless. Taehyung let out a soft, needy whimper into his mouth, and Jin’s knees almost buckled. He kissed him harder in answer, swallowing every sound, every shaky breath, until the world outside that bathroom no longer existed

Again , he found they were in a risky place , anyone could hear or come to use the washroom

 

What if other notice their absence

Taehyung’s fingers threaded into his hair, tugging just enough to send sparks down Jin’s spine. He tilted his head, sucking at the boy’s bottom lip

He felt those long fingers moves to hold his neck gently instead , they can feel when he gulps hard at the soft touch

Separating their lips, wet sound echoes in the small bathroom

“God, Taehyung…we shouldn’t ” Jin panted between kisses ,forehead pressed against the younger’s as he tried to catch his breath, their eyes were close , but he felt the younger just hums as an answer

but his mouth was already finding him again, like he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to,

Then it was Taehyung who pulled from the kiss this time , and Jin felt himeslf following his lips now

He watched him tilting his head backward resting his head on the door now , Taehyung’s heavy-lidded eyes met his, glassy with heat and something deeper,

 

Like he was challenging him to come forward

 

Something that made Jin’s chest twist painfully. Desire,

yes, this must be what is called “Desire” he is feeling now

An obsession

Yes, then he should be the only one “obsessed” with Taehyung

 

“Only”

 

And Jin knew, as his lips crashed back onto the boy’s, that he was already too far gone

He lost against the younger for the second time that night

 

And

 

It was all by his own will

Notes:

Random Wednesday update , I just felt wants to update today :)

Apologize for the messy and clumsy writing..

the chapter's title chossen after V's Doggers lucky charm :7 💙

I hope you enjoyed it ☘️💌

**No Dice : Losing Game

Chapter 12: Hard Obsession

Summary:

But now, no more words, only kisses,
And many of them, for a thousand reasons,
since it is Sunday.

Franz Kafka, 1912.

How do you know if it’s true desire or just loneliness talking?

And worse… how do you stop yourself from obsessing over someone you know you shouldn’t be involved with?

Jin had been asking himself these questions endlessly. Long walks had become his routine now, evening after evening, hoping that the rhythm of his steps would untangle the storm inside his chest. Mornings, he worked. Nights, he lay awake tormenting himself with questions, searching articles on the internet about sexuality, about obsession, about the meaning of human desire.
It was the first time in his life he had ever felt this way wanting someone all the time, twenty-four hours, seven days a week.

 

With his ex, things had always been natural, easy. They were together constantly. He never needed to think about her or yearn for her, because she was there. He missed her sometimes, but he was used to the comfort of knowing she’d be present whenever he wanted her.

Was that why he had become so obsessed with Taehyung now? Because Taehyung wasn’t always there? Because what they had was hidden, forbidden, secret?

Was the thrill of being caught what made it all so intoxicating?

 

Maybe. But Taehyung wasn’t afraid of being himself. The boy had never hidden his sexuality.

So why did he has agreed to be secretive with him ? Why did he accept being something that lived only behind closed doors?

Unless… deep down… he thought it was wrong, too
.
The thought made him laugh bitterly. What was he doing? Blaming Taehyung? No. If anything, the blame should rest on him for leading the younger down this path. He was the elder, the “straight” man, the one who should have known better.

And yet he kept kissing him, Kept thinking about him

 

He still remembered the movie night. The moment he got home, lying in bed, his lips still burning from the boy’s kisses. His body was still buzzing, trembling.

 

He’d never kissed anyone like that before.

Restless, he had opened those websites. Videos. Men with men. Just to test himself. Would he get turned on?

But no the moment he clicked, his face burned, ears red, heart pounding. He slammed the screen closed immediately. Not disgusted. Not excited either.

But the moment he shut his eyes… Taehyung appeared. Drowsy eyes, lips swollen and eager, body warm and pliant under his hands.

 

And Jin was hard in seconds.

 

He refused to touch himself that night. And the nights follows,. Refused to imagine Taehyung in that way.

He couldn’t

 

Not with the boy who always looked up to him with respect. Not with Namjoon’s younger brother.

Not with his dongsaeng.

Taehyung was confident, yes, but not for him.

Not when Jin came from such a straight family. Not when his mother was still waiting for him to bring home a future wife.

 

What would Taehyung’s parents say if they knew their trusted “son” was kissing their child behind closed doors?

Jin couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t betray them. He couldn’t betray Namjoon.

 

He couldn’t betray Taehyung

But then came the mornings. The mornings when he woke up gasping, sweating, his body hard from dreams that went far beyond kissing,

dreams where Taehyung lay beneath him, whispering his name

And in those mornings… Jin broke

This time, he cried. Cried hard and loud , broken sobs that rattled through his chest

 

God, he was so disgusting.

 

He stumbled onto Taehyung’s Instagram account almost by accident. At least, that’s what he told himself. He had been scrolling mindlessly through Namjoon’s story a photo of some painting in a museum, captioned with a question for someone’s account called Vante . Jin didn’t even know the artist’s name; he wasn’t an art man. He was just about to skip past it when his eyes caught the tagged account.
Something instinctual told him it was Taehyung’s. The name was different but it didn’t matter.

 

Only then did Jin realize he’d never followed the younger before. Which made sense. Taehyung was so much younger barely six years old when Jin left for university. Their lives had gone separate ways. There’d been no reason to keep track.

Until now.
And before he could stop himself, his finger clicked on the account
A flood of photographs filled his screen. Landscapes, sunsets, city streets. Dogs, stray cats, faceless strangers caught mid-laugh. Taehyung had a good eye,his photography was vivid, alive. But scattered between them were rare selfies. Shots of his boyish face, those dark curls, the quiet curve of his smile. Jin’s chest tightened at each one.

He fight himself not to touch anything, not to like them, but his thumb lingered dangerously close each time. That boyish handsome, careless face had already been haunting his sleepless nights. Seeing it now through his phone screen only made the ache worse. He kept scrolling. And scrolling. As though he couldn’t stop.
And then he froze.
A picture of Taehyung with Minjae. Just a casual group shot, friends at a bar. Another selfie, shoulders pressed together. Perfectly innocent. Platonic. Too platonic, Jin thought bitterly. Makes wonders were there others more intimate ones that Taehyung had posted once, only to delete after their breakup? The idea twisted something ugly inside him.
He swiped again.
There was one Taehyung asleep on a couch, head lolling, lips pouted, hair a mess of curls. The photo taken by Minjae Caption: sleeping like a baby.

Jin’s stomach turned

Baby

 

The word made his teeth clench. That softness Taehyung’s vulnerable, unguarded face it wasn’t meant for someone else to capture. To keep.
Another photo. Paris. Two years ago. Taehyung sitting on a bed, white sheets tangled around him, his profile lit against the open window looking at the Eiffel Tower rising outside. Minjae’s caption: you are more beautiful.
Jin’s breath caught. His grip on his phone tightened until his knuckles ached. The intimacy of it, the angle, the bed, the words, he hated it. Hated how close Minjae had been. Hated how much more beautiful Taehyung really did look. It made Jin want to smash something, to tear the photo off the internet and lock it away

where no one else could see

God , he was so destructive

Before he stopped himself he clicked on Minjae account , misery was already pooling in his chest. And there it was, comment after comment from Taehyung, stretching back years. Friendly. Casual. Consistent. Even on recent posts.
Jin tried to reason with himself. They weren’t romantic. They weren’t even suspicious. But jealousy gnawed at him all the same, each word of Taehyung’s replies fueling a dark fire in his gut.

He poured himself a drink. Then another.
That night he didn’t sleep a wink drinking , going between both accounts , reading each and every comments, post , tags
He scrolled deeper. Until he found it.
A photo from nearly two years ago. Two hands interlocked across a table.One he knew by heart , long delicate fingers on the top wearing a delicate bracelet

 

He knew it because he just hold them only days ago

Caption: we ❤

Jin’s heart clenched so sharply he almost dropped the phone

 

He shouldn’t feel this way. It was in the past. They weren’t together anymore. And yet, why were they still in each other’s lives? Why did they still talk, still laugh, still comment?
Exes couldn’t be friends. He wasn’t friends with his. Unless, unless feelings still lingered
Dark thoughts spiraled. By dawn, Jin was sprawled in bed, his phone heavy in his hand, eyes burning, chest hollow. His mind ached with questions he couldn’t silence. Mind hazy
When had this all started? When had Taehyung become the only thing he thought of?

He closed his eyes, willing sleep to take him. But instead of rest came the ghost of lips soft, trembling, pressing against his own. A kiss like balm against every wound. A kiss that made him want more

 

God, He wanted to feel Taehyung again

 

And with that thought still thrumming through him, Jin finally slipped into a restless, haunted sleep

 

It was 5 a.m. on a calm, cooler Sunday. The first bite of fall was already in the air, a faint chill softening the tail of summer’s heat. Jin found himself once again in front of the Kim house, waiting. This time, for Mr. Kim

He had promised the elder he’d join him for a fishing trip to Chungcheong Reservoir. It was only an hour’s drive from Seoul, near Cheongju, far enough to escape the city noise, close enough to feel like a small retreat

And they choose chungcheong area because of the lake mesmerizing view , it was calm, quiet not many people Only for  amateur fishermen looking for a calm spot to practise their hobbies in peace without the big cities noise ,

Jin remembered coming here as a boy with Namjoon, with Taehyung’s father and his own. Those trips had been noisy, full of laughter, and somewhere along the way, fishing had stayed with him. He’d always been good at it, but life had dragged him elsewhere, military service, work, responsibilities. Hobbies like fishing had faded, like pieces of himself packed away.

When Mr. Kim first suggested the trip last week, Jin had been ready to refuse. But the older man’s excitement, the way he had spoken of it being “like old times,” tugged at him. And truthfully, Jin needed it. A chance to breathe, to still his restless heart after weeks of inner chaos. Nights had become unbearable,

Jin starts to hate night time when he will lay awake on his bed , facing his dilemma of his thoughts looping on and on , missing Taehyung , thinking about him , checking his account getting fevered dream , feeling shame then repeats again

Then he starts to hate mornings too because he needs to face the reality , work , thinking about Taehyung , them, about how he wants to see him so badly

Since when had he become this desperate?

 

The door creaked, pulling him out of his spiraling mind. Mr. Kim stepped out, looking every bit the stylish fisherman，beige fishing suit, matching bucket hat, radiating cheerfulness that felt almost criminal at this hour.jin felt he was wearing out of place now , he was wearing a long black light winter coat over his balck shorts and white shirt , home slipper and a black cap

 

“Good morning, son. What a beautiful day,” he greeted, voice warm, energy far too alive for 5 a.m

“Good morning… Aboj” Jin replied. But the word nearly caught in his throat.
when he noticed the third person behind Mr.Kim

Taehyung wore black shorts and a green Fila long-sleeve, his fluffy curls tucked beneath a black bucket hat that matched his father’s. His legs were bare, tan, and impossibly long under the porch light. His slippers scuffed against the concrete, and his eyes were barely open, still heavy with sleep.

“This baby wanted to join us today,” Mr. Kim chuckled, patting his baby’s back
with fondness

 

Jin’s stomach dropped. Taehyung glanced at him shyly from under those long lashes, and Jin’s carefully constructed “healing plan” went up in smoke

 

RIP healing plan

 

“Ah ..yeah, no problem. Namjoon…?” Jin asked, clinging to a hope

“Namjoon chose sleep.” Mr. Kim laughed, unknowing, as he was unintentionally mocking Jin’s for his misery

Jin had prayed Namjoon would be their companion, a distraction at least. But instead, fate had handed him this.

They loaded the car with fishing rods, reels, and lines. Jin’s fingers brushed Taehyung’s as they lifted a case together, a fleeting touch that sent a shiver down his arm.

Too much for his sanity already

Soon they were on the road. The sky was still dark, the horizon only just thinking about dawn. Jin drove, Mr. Kim chatting lightly in the passenger seat. In the rear-view mirror, he saw Taehyung at the back silent, head tilted, watching him when he thought Jin wouldn’t notice

Fifteen minutes later, Taehyung was asleep, his head leaning against the window, lips parted in a soft pout

 

Baby

 

The sight made Jin’s chest ache. His posture was uncomfortable, seatbelt tugging awkwardly across his chest, neck bent at a sharp angle. A bump in the road jolted him forward, and Jin winced in sympathy. Sorry, Apologize internally for the younger boy.
.
Why had Taehyung even come? Jin just remembered He’d hated fishing as a child, had thought it was boring. Back then he’d whine, tugging at Jin and Namjoon’s sleeves, begging them to play hide-and-seek or football instead. Jin remembered little Taetae insisting he carry him on his back into the water so he could “try swimming,” even though he was afraid.

He wondered now, did Taehyung still fear water? Did he still hate seafood? Did he even remember those small, sunlit memories at all?

 

Because Jin remembered. Every single one.

 

The ride had been smooth, the car humming quietly through the fading night, and by the time they arrived the lake was bathed in the hushed glow of dawn. Mist hovered just above the water’s glassy surface, the whole place looking almost otherworldly, like a painting come alive.
They settled quickly, Jin unloading the small folding table and chairs he had brought, setting them up near the water’s edge while Mr. Kim prepared the rods and bait. The air was crisp, the faint scent of wet earth and reeds drifting with the breeze.

From the corner of his eye, Jin noticed Taehyung. He was sitting on one of the chairs a little away from them, still drowsy, chin tilted up slightly as if caught between sleep and wakefulness. The soft morning light spilled over his curls, turning them to strands of dark gold, while the wind tugged at them playfully.

 

Jin was trying not to look too long, word “Traying”,

when the tip of his fishing rod jerked suddenly. A sharp pull. His focus snapped to it. He tightened his grip and reeled fast when the tug grew stronger.

The rod bent under the weight. His pulse jumped.

And then, he hauled it in, the fish breaking through the water with a flash of silver. His first catch of the day.

“Wow, son! Seems like it’s your lucky day!” Mr. Kim whistled, clearly impressed.

A rush of quiet pride filled Jin’s chest. He still had it, even after all these years. But the real swell of pride came when he caught Taehyung’s reaction.

The boy’s mouth had fallen open, lips parted in genuine awe, eyes wide and bright.
Adorable

Jin tried not to let the satisfaction show, but something inside him preened at the sight.
Then, to his horror or maybe his undoing, Taehyung moved. He stood and came closer, suddenly at his side, the faint brush of presence so near that Jin had to fight not to stiffen.

“Hyung, I want to try too,” Taehyung said, voice soft sleepy but laced with a spark of excitement

Behind them, Mr. Kim chuckled knowingly

“Now you’re interested in fishing, son?”

 

“ I want to try it just once “ he is standing too close for Jin’s sanity now

 

Therefore, Jin found himself standing behind Taehyung, keeping a respectful distance as he guided him through the motions. His voice was steady explaining how to grip the rod, how to flick the line into the water, but his pulse was anything but calm. Their bodies were almost touching, the faint warmth from Taehyung seeping through the air between them. Jin could smell the faint sweetness of the younger’s shampoo, carried up with the lake breeze.

Step away,

He planned to, the moment Taehyung managed the rod correctly on his own. But just as Jin was about to move back, Taehyung shifted deliberately leaning backward into him.

Now they were pressed chest to back, Jin’s warm hand still wrapped over Taehyung’s slender ones. His heart thundered in his ribs. There was no way Taehyung couldn’t feel it.

Alert, Jin glanced quickly to the side where Mr. Kim stood. Taehyung’s father was busy filming the far end of the lake, talking animatedly into his phone, utterly unaware of what was happening right beside him.

Jin jolted when Taehyung leaned back further, wordlessly closing the last space between them. To any outside eye, it was innocent, just Jin helping the boy fish, their hands overlapped on the rod, his long coat draped as a cover over them. But between them, the air burned like fire. Jin’s breath grew uneven, spilling hotly against Taehyung’s left ear. He saw the boy’s shoulders shiver at the sensation.

Then softly, brazenly Taehyung tilted his head back, curls brushing Jin’s chin, and rested against his chest like he was drowsy.

“Behave,” Jin whispered yelled, his voice tight, strained.

“Your father is less than a meter away.”

Taehyung’s ears twitched adorably at the scolding, but instead of obeying, he turned his face just slightly, nose brushing along Jin’s jaw. It was a slow, teasing nuzzle that made Jin’s entire body jolt.

“Hyung…” The whisper was low, matching Jin’s own tone, but laced with something that sent heat flooding his veins.

 

God. The boy was trying to drive him insane.

 

Jin opened his mouth to warn him again, but Taehyung’s rod jerked violently forward.

“Ah, it’s caught something!”
Adrenaline surged. Jin reacted instantly, one arm wrapping firmly around Taehyung’s waist to keep him steady while his other hand gripped over the rod, trying to help him manage it. The fish was large, fighting hard, the line whipping against the water.

“Pull it up!” Jin instructed, voice louder now in the urgency. Together, their arms strained, muscles taut, as Jin helped wrench the rod upward. The silver body of the fish broke through the surface in a violent splash, thrashing before Jin hauled it up and out of the water.

The rush of victory blurred everything for a second, until he heard it.

 

“Ah… hyung…”

Taehyung’s soft whimper snapped him back. Jin glanced down and realized, his grip around the boy’s waist was too tight, fingers digging hard into delicate skin. He loosened immediately, guilt pricking him

 

But another, far darker realization struck at the same time.

Because the painful truth was

 

hard wasn’t just his grip

 

________________________________________________________

 

They settled around the makeshift outdoor table for lunch, the breeze cooler now under a sky that had turned cloudy, the promise of evening rain heavy in the air. Jin tried truly tried to keep a respectable distance from the younger, but it was impossible.
Taehyung seemed to orbit him, his presence pulling Jin in no matter how hard he resisted.

 

Mr. Kim, proud and beaming, couldn’t stop praising his son for the morning’s catch, insisting they eat it fresh for lunch.

It was a gilt-head bream “large” , shimmering, worthy of a celebratory meal.

Jin had taken charge, slipping easily into old habits. He prepared it into his famous flatfish nigiri, carefully slicing and arranging the pieces, setting aside wasabi on the side, and unpacking the rice he had cooked the night before. It was second nature, this routine, honed from his teenage years when he used to show off his cooking to the Kim family. He remembered how it had always been Mr. Kim’s favorite.

 

Sure enough, Taehyung’s father clapped his hands when Jin served the dish. “Yah, Jin-ah, your cooking skills will never disappoint me!” he exclaimed, delighted as he dug in.

 

“Thank you, abeoji,” Jin answered with a small bow of his head.

But it wasn’t his father’s praise that made Jin’s chest tighten. It was Taehyung.

 

The boy had trailed after him like a lost puppy during the entire cooking process, quiet as a shadow, watching him clean and cut the fish. Those sharp eyes had followed every move, lips curved in a subtle pout, as if sulking over something unsaid. And Jin God help him had wanted to lean down and steal that pout right off his mouth.

 

He forced himself to focus, knowing full well that the heat pooling in his body was dangerous. Especially with Mr. Kim only a few meters away.

The shame of earlier sat heavy in his chest.

 

He pushed it down and tried to eat. But when he looked again, Taehyung was nibbling cautiously at his piece of nigiri. Then another. Then another until suddenly he began coughing hard, his cheeks flushing red.

“yah, Taehyung-ah!” Jin dropped his chopsticks, fumbling to hand him a bottle of water, his heart leaping in panic.

“Aigoo,” Mr. Kim chuckled with fond exasperation. “My Taebear can’t handle spicy food.”

Jin blinked. Oh.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I can make—” But he broke off when he realized Taehyung wasn’t stopping. The boy was still eating, lips red, eyes watering, face flushed like fire, but determinedly taking another bite.

Mr. Kim only laughed again, waving a hand. “Seems he likes it though. He used to hate seafood, remember?”

Yes. Jin remembered. He remembered little Taetae pushing plates of fish away, pouting and whining that he didn’t want it. Now he was watching the same boy eat through red cheeks, stubbornly swallowing down every bite as though the heat didn’t matter.

Jin moved the water bottle closer, just in case. His throat felt tight.

 

Too tight.

 

The sun had just slipped beneath the horizon, the lake glowing faintly under a curtain of gentle rain. They decided it was time to head back, containers heavy with the day’s catch. And cold beer he shared with Taehyung’s father earlier, Taehyung choose drinking his coke instead

 

Jin offered politely, almost shyly to send his portion to Mrs. Kim, remembering how much she loved turning fresh fish into her own dishes.

This time, Mr. Kim climbed into the backseat, insisting he’d stretch out there and rest, leaving Taehyung in the passenger seat beside Jin.

The younger busied himself with the car’s Bluetooth, pairing his phone until soft jazz spilled through the speakers. The mellow notes curled around the hum of the rain, filling the small space with a kind of warmth Jin hadn’t felt in a long time.

 

Fascinating. Everything about the boy revolved around art, around vintage touches, music, fashion, even his way of seeing the world.

“Hyung, I can drive if you’re sleepy,” Taehyung murmured, eyes still on the road ahead.

Jin scoffed, tightening his seat belt. “Do you even have a license?”

Taehyung’s head snapped toward him, indignant.

“Hyung, I got mine before Namjoon-hyung.”
That made Jin chuckle, the sound low and almost foreign in his chest.

“Didn’t know that…”

“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me,” Taehyung mumbled, gaze turning back toward the window. Raindrops slid lazily down the glass,

 

their reflections shimmering on his soft features. A wistful look had settled over him, distant and fragile, as though the weight of something unsaid hung between them.

 

It struck Jin that this this small exchange was the longest conversation they’d had since that “shopping date” weeks ago.
Every other meeting had dissolved into awkward silences. Peaceful, yes, but taut with something unspoken.

And when words failed, their lips had spoken instead.

The thought burned through him, and Jin felt his ears heat with shame and longing.

He nearly choked on his own breath when a hand brushed his. Long fingers slid deliberately over his own where they rested on the gear shift.

“Taehy—” He darted a glance at the rear-view mirror, panic seizing him only to see Mr. Kim fast asleep in the backseat.

God.

His pulse thundered in his ears. He turned his head, just enough to catch Taehyung’s expression. The boy wasn’t looking at him only at their hands.

 

We

 

That single word thrummed in Jin’s mind when Taehyung gently pulled his hand away from the gear shift, settling it on the seat between them. Their fingers intertwined with quiet certainty.

 

Jin’s heart wouldn’t calm, hammering harder with every second. He tried to glance at him again, only to find Taehyung leaning back, humming faintly along to the jazz playing, his eyes lost in the rain outside.

 

What exactly were they doing now?

Kissing in the shadows. Holding hands in secret.

Were they a couple?

No. Not really.

The word felt too solid, too permanent for something so fragile and undefined.

A secret affair, then? The thought made Jin’s stomach twist.

Affairs were shameful things, whispered about with disgust, and yet, wasn’t that what this was? Something hidden, something stolen?

He stole glances at the boy beside him, the one humming faintly to the jazz, fingers woven lazily with his as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Taehyung seemed so comfortable with it all. Like secrecy wasn’t a burden but a choice. Like desire itself was enough.

But for Jin… it wasn’t enough. His chest felt too full, too tight. The warmth of Taehyung’s hand wasn’t just comfort it was an anchor, a chain, a lifeline. It terrified him how desperately he needed it.

 

He wasn’t sure anymore whether he wanted to let go.

 

Silence filled the car once more. Silence, and the rain, and the steady, betraying rhythm of Jin’s own heartbeat.

 

Eventually, Jin felt Taehyung’s grip loosen slightly, though his hand never fully let go.

When Jin glanced at him again, he realized the younger had already drifted off. His soft curls spilled forward, covering his forehead and eyes, but Jin could still see the delicate flutter of long lashes with every subtle shift of the car.

The bucket hat was still perched loosely on his head, One sleeve paws dragged softly over their intertwined hands still tangled with Jin’s,

 

their fingers intertwined even in his sleep.

 

Across his lap lay Mr. Kim’s jacket, which Taehyung had insisted on holding for his father earlier.
Jin tried to ease his hand away, gently, carefully, but the moment he moved, Taehyung twitched in his sleep, his fingers tightening instinctively around Jin’s as though refusing to let go.

 

_________________________________________________

 

When they reached the front of the Kim’s house, both Taehyung. and Mr. Kim were beginning to stir awake. Jin helped the elder man with the containers, exchanged goodnights, and lingered while they carried the rods and fishing gear.

“Taehyung-ah, help Jin-ah with these,” Mr. Kim said, handing over the remaining equipment.

Jin noticed the boy still drowsy from his nap, struggling to keep his balance as he carried the load.

Jin stepped forward.

 

“I’ll take them. Just show me where to put them.”

Taehyung led him toward the outdoor garage. Jin had never been inside before. The space smelled faintly of oil and wood, a quiet pocket away from the house. He set the equipment down, brushing his palms together, ready to leave

Until he heard the whirring sound behind him.

The automatic door slid closed.

He spun around, heart stuttering, only to see Taehyung at the switch, lowering the shutter deliberately. The boy leaned back against the wall, those hooded tiger-eyes fixed on him from under the brim of his bucket hat.

Jin froze

“Wh… what are you doing?” His voice cracked, throat suddenly dry.

The garage bathed in a dull yellow glow from a single ceiling lamp. Shadows pooled around them, but Taehyung didn’t move closer. He only watched, silent, his posture relaxed yet heavy with intent,

like he was daring Jin to react.

It was quiet, Too quiet. Only their breaths. Only Jin’s racing heartbeat echoing in his ears

 

Don’t move.

Turn back.

But Jin found himself stepping forward instead. Slowly. Like there was an unknown force was pulling him forward Almost against his will.

He stopped when their faces were only inches apart. Taehyung didn’t reach out, didn’t close the distance, he only let his eyes fall from Jin’s gaze to his lips

 

Something tugged deep in Jin’s chest

His hand lifted almost unconsciously, brushing away the boy’s hat. Dark curls tumbled down messily, brushing Taehyung’s forehead.
Jin smoothed them aside gently, fingertips grazing warm skin. Long lashes trembled, eyes fluttering shut as if offering himself up.

The yellow light kissed his tan skin, turning it golden.

God, Taehyung is beautiful.

Too beautiful.

And the thought of anyone else seeing him like this made Jin’s heart clench painfully.

Taehyung tilted his face up slightly , their noses brushed, a fleeting touch, his lips parting just barely. Waiting. Inviting.

He wanted Jin to kiss him first.

Jin’s resolve cracked. He wanted it, wanted it more than breath. He wanted to taste those lips again, to let them sink into him, to heal the restless ache he’d carried for days. But the intrusive thoughts swarmed if he kissed him now,

could he ever stop?

Then Taehyung whined softly. A broken sound. His eyes stayed closed.

That brat

 

Jin chuckled under his breath, still holding back, just to tease.

Taehyung’s hands shot up, gripping the back of his neck, dragging him closer.
Half open hodded eyes looked up at him , scolding

His whisper ghosted against Jin’s lips.

“Kiss me.”

Jin couldn’t resist anymore. He leaned in and pressed his lips to Taehyung’s.

Just a peck. Light. Teasing.

Another whine.

Another peck. quick

Then Two, three just to hear his whines

Taehyung squirmed, protesting against his mouth. “Hyung—”

Jin silenced him with a deeper kiss, firmer this time , swallowing the sound. He’d expected it to unravel into desperate, messy hunger like all their other stolen moments. looking back at his desperate earlier for the younger all past weeks, But it didn’t.

This kiss was different.

Slow. Lingering. Almost reverent.

It weakened Jin at the knees, the way Taehyung’s arms moved and looped around his neck, pulling him in like he never wanted to let go.

 

Jin exhaled against him, the warmth of Taehyung’s breath spilling into his own mouth, the faint taste of mint clinging to him. His lips were warm, pliant, yet demanding all at once.

Slowly, Jin let go of his restraint.

He tilted his head, deepening the kiss, and the younger sighed into him like he had been holding his breath all day. Their mouths moved in sync, not rushed, not frantic , slow, savoring, as if they were memorizing every shape, every softness, every press.

Taehyung’s thumb stroked the side of Jin’s jaw, trembling slightly, but his lips were insistent. His tongue teased the seam of Jin’s mouth until the elder parted for him, and then there was no space left between them.

Their tongues brushed, tentative at first, then bolder, tasting, searching, learning each other.

 

A soft sound escaped Jin before he could stop it.

 

Surprising himself even

 

The boy kissed like he was starved hungry and slow at the same time , but not for control. Hungry for closeness. For reassurance.

 

For him

 

Jin’s hand rose, cupping the back of Taehyung’s head, fingers threading into damp curls, anchoring him in place as the kiss deepened. He angled him closer, lips sliding, tongues tangling, heat growing with every second.

 

Taehyung shifted, pressing his body more fully against Jin’s.

Their chests brushed, breaths coming quicker now. The younger tilted his head back, letting Jin’s mouth dominate his, gasping softly whenever Jin nipped at his bottom lip or chased deeper.

The garage was quiet except for the soft, wet sound of their kisses and the ragged rhythm of their breathing.

Taehyung’s hands slid down from Jin’s neck to his shoulders, gripping tight, pulling him impossibly closer. Before he removed Jin’s long coat hastily

The coat falls with a soft thud on the garage floor

his hands claws at Jin’s back pulling him even closer

 

Jin felt every inch of him the rise and fall of his chest, the heat bleeding through his oversized shirt, the way his heart seemed to race against his own.

 

Suddenly, Taehyung broke from the kiss, his lips trailing downward in a messy, hurried path until they found the curve of Jin’s neck. He kissed there feverishly, open-mouthed and relentless all over his neck , as though starved. His hands clawed at Jin’s broad back before sliding lower, clutching desperately at his waist, pulling him closer still.

Jin’s head tilted back instinctively, throat bared, a low groan tearing from him before he could stop it.

The heat of Taehyung’s mouth seared into his skin, each press of lips and teeth undoing him further.

God. They should stop. He had to stop, before he lost himself completely

“Taehy…” Jin rasped, trying to summon his voice, his reason.

He meant to pull the boy back, to slow him down. But Taehyung was already gone, drowned in his own fever, his own hunger too lost to hear.

 

Jin caught his wrists and pinned them firmly against the wall above his head, trying to stop the younger before those long fingers could slip under his shirt.

Eagared lips back on his instantly

But instead of resisting, Taehyung only slid his fingers between Jin’s, threading them together, gripping tight, intertwining both their hands on either side of his head.

 

Beneath him, Taehyung’s body was feverish, restless. Pinned against the wall, he shifted unsteadily, sliding up and down like his legs couldn’t quite hold him. The heat of his body pressed against Jin’s chest, and for a fleeting moment Jin feared the boy might give out and collapse entirely. The thought jolted him half worry, half something darker he couldn’t name.

 

When Jin pulled back for just a breath, their lips barely apart, he almost crumbled at the sight before him. Taehyung’s lips swollen, glistening, parted his-eyes heavy-lidded and unfocused, as if he was drunk on the kiss.

God, Jin thought he could die right there and it would be worth it. He had kissed before, many times, but never like this. Never with this burning ache in his chest that screamed that only this boy’s lips could quiet it.

 

“Hyung…” Taehyung whispered, the sound low and needy, almost breaking him.
Jin couldn’t answer. Words would have been useless.

Instead, he lunged forward, mouth crashing back onto his with a hunger that bordered on desperate. This time it wasn’t just a kiss it was a plea,

a confession, ….a surrender.

Taehyung whimpered into his mouth, meeting him with equal fervor but for a different reason his body alive with raw desire, the thrill of the forbidden, the heady intoxication of Jin’s lips on his.

For Taehyung it was want, pure and reckless. For Jin, it was something darker, heavier obsession clothed as salvation.

We

Without realizing, Jin lifted him off the ground, strong hands sliding under Taehyung’s soft but firm thighs, holding him up as if letting go would kill him.

Taehyung clung to him, kissing down at him now, lips moving hungrily against his, Soft thick curls all over Jin's face, eyes fluttering shut as his fingers knotted into Jin’s hair. Their mouths opened wider, tongues sliding, searching, the kiss deepening until the world outside the garage might as well not exist.

Jin’s chest tightened painfully. Every moan, every sigh spilling from Taehyung’s mouth felt like medicine poured over an open wound. He didn’t want release. He wanted to drown. To be swallowed whole by this heat, by these lips, until the hollow inside him disappeared.

 

His mouth was fevered on Taehyung’s, desperate and unrestrained, until he felt the boy trembling harder in his arms. The kisses were frantic now, the heat rolling off his body like fire. Their breaths tangled in the dim garage air, wet sounds of their mouths filling the silence until Taehyung broke against his lips with a whimper.

“Hyung…” he gasped, voice shivering, needy. His swollen mouth hovered against Jin’s, breath hot and ragged.

 

“I think I’m gonna die…”

Jin froze. The words slammed into him, setting every nerve alight. He felt Taehyung’s chest heaving against his own, the raw plea in those eyes. For a moment, Jin thought his heart might split in two.

 

“What ..?” his voice was breathless against Taehyung’s trumping ones

 

“ if you didn’t touch me,…. I think I’m gonna die”

 

God. He shouldn’t want this.

He shouldn’t need this.

 

But the sound of Taehyung’s whisper, the desperation, the trembling honesty ripped right through every wall he had left.

 

Jin’s arms tightened, pulling him up higher, clutching him as though he might disappear if he let go.

 

He kissed him again, but slower this time, agonizingly slow. Each press of lips was lingering, tender, almost reverent. Jin poured everything into it,

The ache,

The obsession,

The fear that only Taehyung’s lips could quiet.

He kissed him like he was breathing life into himself.

Taehyung whimpered at the change, hips shifting unconsciously, but
Jin wouldn’t let the kiss spiral again.

Not this time.

He brushed his lips over the younger’s mouth, soft and trembling, savoring every sigh, every shiver.

His thumb stroked Taehyung’s damp cheek as if to soothe him.

 

“You’re burning up,” Jin whispered, more to himself than to the boy.

 

His own chest ached with how much he wanted, with how much he knew he couldn’t have.

Taehyung didn’t answer he just clung tighter, arms looped desperately around Jin’s neck, lips parting for another kiss, eyes glassy with need.

And Jin gave it to him. Slowly. Painfully. Terrified, but unable to stop.
Because in that moment, Jin realized he wasn’t just kissing to feed desire.

He was kissing because without Taehyung,

he was hollow.

And that truth scared him more than anything.

 

Jin’s arms tightened once more before he finally forced himself to lower Taehyung back onto his feet. The boy’s lips chased his even as his feet touched the cold garage floor, as though he couldn’t bear the distance for even a second.

 

But Jin pulled back. Just a little. His hands lingered, one still cradling Taehyung’s cheek, the other pressed firm against his waist. He could feel the feverish heat of his body seeping through the thin fabric of his shirt.

Taehyung’s lips were red, swollen, parted as though begging for more.
His head leaned back against the wall, eyes hazy, breathing shallow.

“Hyung…” he whispered, voice rough, broken from the kisses. He looked undone, trembling, yet still reaching for him,

like Jin was the only thing he needed.

Jin’s chest constricted painfully.

He should stop.

He had to stop.

But God, he couldn’t take his eyes off him.

The curve of his mouth, the soft mess of his hair, the way his lashes fluttered with every shallow breath every piece of him was like a hook buried deep into Jin’s chest.

He brushed his thumb over Taehyung’s damp lower lip, tender, almost aching in the touch. His own breath shook.

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” he murmured hoarsely

But Taehyung only shook his head faintly, eyes locking onto his with a sharpness that made Jin’s knees weak.

“I do,” he states firmly

 

“I… I want you.”

 

Jin shut his eyes, swallowing hard, torn between pulling him close again and running far away.

The boy’s words were fire, and yet all Jin could feel was the ice of fear creeping into his veins.

Because Taehyung thought this was only desire, wild, reckless, physical need

 

But for Jin, it was something else entirely. Something dangerous. He wasn’t just turned on he was unraveling, obsessed, desperate in a way that terrified him.

He finally let his hand slip from Taehyung’s cheek, falling heavy at his side, as though tearing himself away from the only warmth he had left in the world.

 

“It’s late ,you should… go to sleep,” Jin said softly, voice rough with restraint

Taehyung blinked, surprised, lips parting like he wanted to protest.

But Jin had already stepped back, putting a faint, trembling distance between them. His body was screaming to close it again, to take his lips once more, but his mind was screaming louder.

Because if he didn’t stop now, he knew he might never stop again.

 

They were lost, completely lost in each other.

For Taehyung, it was desire

 

For Jin, it was survival

Notes:

Hi :)

Have you ever been obsessed over someone you love before ?

This was a longest chapter I ever wrote , I hope you enjoyed it 💜

Chapter 13: Hide And Seek

“..............................”

“Tae are you listening ……?“

 

Taehyung zones out from his thoughts when he hears Jimin’s frustrated tone

 

“Sorry , what did you just say ?”

He saw his best-friend sigh again

 

“you are zoning out again ? can’t you just tell me what the actual fuck happening with you ?” Jimin’s looks angry but more concern now

Has he really been zoning out recently ? , he wasn’t really sure

All he knows is he wasn’t feeling well for the past two months

Since that night

 

Since he left

 

______________________________________________________

 

Taehyung had replayed that night in the garage so many times that sometimes he wasn’t sure if it had really happened or if his restless mind had invented it. The press of Jin’s lips, the way his thumb had stroked his cheek, the unbearable tenderness of that final kiss it haunted him, lived beneath his skin

like a fever he couldn’t shake.

But after that night, Jin disappeared.

At first, Taehyung waited, impatient but expectant, certain this time his hyung would call. That maybe they’d awkwardly, meet again, pick up where they had left off. Every time his phone lit up, his heart raced only to sink when it was someone else

Days passed

Then weeks

And slowly, silence became heavier than words.

Jin avoided him completely. He didn’t come by the house. He didn’t join Namjoon’s late-night gatherings. He didn’t reply to messages, not even the casual ones Taehyung sent under the guise of normalcy.

 

Two months

 

Two whole months of absence, and the ache had twisted inside Taehyung until it was almost unbearable.

 

At night, he lay awake staring at his ceiling, remembering how Jin’s hand had felt wrapped around his,

how his lips had moved slow and reverent, as if Taehyung was something fragile,

something precious.

That was what confused him most.

Because to Taehyung, it was supposed to be simple, Desire, Hunger.

A need that burned hot and bright until it was satisfied,

That he was willing to be the man’s first experiment

That was what he told himself he wanted from him

Nothing deeper,

Nothing dangerous

 

But then why did his chest ache like this?

Why did the silence feel like abandonment?

Why did he catch himself staring at his phone, desperate for a single word, a single sign?

He hated it

Hated the way Jin’s absence hollowed him out, Hated that every familiar place, their home living room couch, the porch swing, even the backyard had became a ghost of that night. Hated that his friends noticed his distraction, Jimin is worried about his frequent zoning out, Namjoon asking quietly if he was okay

He lied, of course. He smiled, he joked, he said he was fine.

But deep down, every night, when the house was quiet and he was alone with his thoughts, Taehyung pressed the heel of his hand to his chest like he could stop the ache.

A habit he grasp somewhere when he was younger whenever he feels sad

Because maybe, just maybe what he wanted from Jin wasn’t as simple as he thought

And that terrified him

 

______________________________________________________

 

Two Months Ago

 

The first time Taehyung went to Jin’s apartment after their last interaction , he told himself it was nothing. Just a visit. Just to clear the fog of silence hanging between them.

He stood outside the door, shifting from one foot to the other, heart thudding like it was about to break through his ribs.

He knocked once. Twice. Waited.

No answer

He pressed the bell, listening to the hollow echo ring through the small hallway.

Still nothing

Maybe Jin wasn’t home, he reasoned,
ignoring the sting in his chest. He left without sending a message
He wanted to say it to his face. He needed Jin to look at him, to tell him what that kiss meant or didn’t mean.

But the next time was the same. Silence. Curtains drawn. Lights off.

The quiet felt deliberate, like a wall being built brick by brick between them.

The third time, Taehyung lingered longer. He sat on the steps in the hallway, cap pulled low, hood up, as if that could shield him from the ache of waiting.

He watched the door like it might open if he just stayed long enough. He even whispered softly, barely audible, “Hyung… please.”

The door stayed shut

By the fourth visit, anger mixed with the ache. He knocked harder, jaw clenched.

“Hyung, you can’t just disappear like this. We need to talk!” His voice cracked, echoing down the hall.

But there was no shuffling of footsteps, no key turning in the lock. Just silence pressing in on him until his throat burned

 

He started to wonder if Jin had been home all along, just refusing to answer. The thought twisted in his stomach, equal parts humiliation and heartbreak.

When Namjoon finally told him, it was almost by accident. They were at the kitchen table, Taehyung poking aimlessly at his food while Namjoon scrolled his phone.

“Hyung went back to his hometown in Anyang for a while,” Namjoon said casually, like it wasn’t a knife to the chest.

“He said he needed some time with his parents.”

 

Taehyung froze. Chopsticks stilled midair.

Hometown

So Jin hadn’t just been avoiding him in Seoul, he’d left altogether. Put physical distance between them as if the silence wasn’t enough.

Taehyung swallowed hard, pushing down the burn in his throat. He nodded, feigning indifference, but his grip on his chopsticks was white-knuckled.

“Did he say… when he’s coming back?” Taehyung asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

Namjoon shook his head. “Not really. Maybe a couple of weeks. Said he wanted to help out with the family business for a bit.”

A couple of weeks?

Taehyung forced a smile, but inside, his chest felt like it was caving in

Because Jin hadn’t told him. Hadn’t even said goodbye

And for the first time, Taehyung wondered if that night in the garage meant nothing to Jin at all

 

The last person Taehyung expected to see that evening was him

And yet, when he stepped into the living room, laughter spilled into the air the deep, familiar sound that had haunted his dreams for weeks

Taehyung froze in the doorway

 

There he was

Jin, sitting comfortably on the couch, shoulders relaxed, long hair now swept neatly back. He looked healthier, brighter, like the weeks away had done something to him

 

But it wasn’t Jin alone

 

A woman sat beside him. Beautiful, poised, the kind of woman who turned heads without trying.
Her hand rested casually on Jin’s arm, her smile soft and familiar, as if it had belonged there forever.

 

Something cracked in Taehyung’s chest.

 

Taehyung’s body went rigid the moment his eyes landed on the man

It had been weeks two months and in every day of those weeks, Taehyung had replayed that garage night until his chest ached

And now, there he was

Sitting so casually on their couch, as though nothing had happened.

As though Taehyung’s lips hadn’t once been pressed against his until neither could breathe.

But the man wasn’t looking at him

No,he was looking everywhere else. At Namjoon, at her when she spoke, even at the floor for a moment when Namjoon laughed too loudly. Anywhere but at him.

And it burned

Taehyung’s feet dragged him closer almost against his will, drawn to the gravity Jin always seemed to carry. His heart hammered so loudly it drowned out Namjoon’s cheerful chatter.

 

“Taehyung-ah!” Namjoon’s voice cut through his haze. He waved him closer, grinning as if this was the happiest reunion

“Come here, I want you to meet someone.”

The elder looked at him. And in that instant,

Taehyung swore there was something guilt, hesitation, a shadow of the garage night.

But then Jin’s gaze shifted, sliding back to the woman beside him, and it was gone

 

“This is Hana,” Namjoon introduced, oblivious to the weight crushing the air

“Jin-hyung’s girlfriend”

 

Girlfriend

 

The word hit harder than any blow

 

Taehyung blinked, stunned. His mouth went dry, but he managed a polite nod

 

“Ah… hello.” His voice came out thin, almost childlike

 

She smiled warmly, bowing her head slightly. “Hi, I’ve heard so much about you.”

The woman was so pretty , typical nation’s pretty standards light skin tone , slim body , long dark curls sliding softly on her slender shoulders , her long lashes flicker softly when she looks up at him

 

He tried to smile back, but it felt like his face was cracking in two

 

Girlfriend

They look so good together that he feels like vomiting his last meal

 

When he lifted his head again, he caught the man ’s gaze for the briefest second

Just a second

It was enough to see the flicker there，guilt, something sharp and fleeting but Jin was quick to look away, leaning slightly toward Hana as though she were an anchor he had to hold on to

Taehyung’s stomach twisted

Was he… embarrassed?

Ashamed of him?

Taehyung shifted, his hands sinking into the sleeves of his hoodie, hiding the tremor in his fingers

He sat down opposite them, but it felt like the distance was oceans wide.

Every time he dared to glance up, Jin was focused elsewhere, deliberately avoiding him.
That avoidance hurt more than any rejection

Because it meant he remembered

It meant he was running

And Taehyung, sitting there across from him, felt the cruelest truth settle in his chest:

He had been holding on to something Jin was already trying to bury

 

Namjoon kept talking, something about how Jin and this “Hana” dated before,
how they reconnected during his trip home. Taehyung’s ears buzzed, drowning it all out

 

Wasn’t they broke up already ?

Why they back together again ?

 

All he could see was the way Jin sat beside her, not pulling away from her touch. Not denying that label

Are they still have feeling towards each other ?

 

Or was he running away terrified of him ? after his bold “I want you ”

 

Disgusted of him

 

And Taehyung found this thought is hurting him more than any label

 

The same man who had once whispered against his lips, “You’re burning up.”

The same man who had kissed him like he was air

And now he was back

With her

Taehyung’s hands curled into fists at his sides, hidden in the folds of his oversized hoodie.

His chest felt tight, breaths shallow, but he forced his expression into something neutral, something that wouldn’t give him away

 

He would not break here. Not in front of the man

Not in front of her

But inside, the storm had already started

 

The dining room was alive with chatter, clinking chopsticks, and the warm scent of Mrs. Kim’s cooking. Everyone seemed to be glowing, Mr. Kim boasting loudly about how handsome Jin still looked,
Namjoon teasing his hyung about finally settling down, Hana laughing softly at every little comment.

Everyone, except Taehyung

He sat across the table, his chopsticks move ,mindlessly in his rice bowl. His eyes betrayed him, sliding toward Jin again and again

And he hates himself for that

 

The room was full of noises and chatter

But to Taehyung, every sound felt muffled, distant. All he could hear was the pounding in his own chest

Jin was right there

So close he could hear the subtle shift of his breath when he spoke, the soft brush of his sleeve as he raised his glass. Yet, he may as well have been a thousand miles away

Because the man would not look at him

Not once , Not even by mistake

But Taehyung could feel him, Every nerve in his body screamed that the man was aware of him, acutely, painfully. That somewhere beneath the careful smiles and polite words, Jin’s attention flickered toward him like a moth to flame, only to rip away before it could burn.

 

And every time, Jin avoided him

Looking down at his food, at Hana, at Namjoon. Anywhere but at him.

“Taebear, eat more,” his mother said warmly, placing another piece of grilled fish in his bowl

Her hand lingered a moment on his wrist, her eyes searching his face, She always noticed the smallest shifts in her son. And tonight, she saw the way his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, how his voice was quieter, slower

 

Namjoon was still laughing with Hana, filling the air

“Finally, hyung! I thought you’d stay a lonely workaholic forever”

 

“Ah, don’t tease him like that,” his father scolded fondly

“We’re just happy he brought someone home.”

Laughter roared around the table. Glasses were raised. Hana blushed prettily at the attention, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, her hand brushing Jin’s lightly on the table

The sound that left Taehyung’s throat was almost a choke. He hid it with a sip of water, knuckles white around his glass

 

His chest hurt

It hurt so much it made him restless, his legs bouncing under the table. He tried to focus on his food, but the rice tasted like dust. All he could see was Jin’s hand sitting so close to Hana’s.

 

The hand Taehyung had held under a cushion , or that rainy ride where he can only hears his heart beats and the soft Jazz melon

The same soft hand that had cradled his cheek, trembling with restraint

 

And now, the women’s nails brushed it like it belonged to her

 

His vision blurred for a moment, not from tears, but from memory

 

He remembered his first time touching his fingers under the table , or that time when he received the man’s hard stares when he saw Minjae sitting beside him that night

 

How is all looked so far now

 

Is he kissing her now ?

Or worse

Are they living together now ?

 

He felt the earlier nausea has back again

 

He doesn’t want to think of this

 

“Excuse me , I am not feeling well , I will retire first , please enjoy your dinner “ he bowed and left without waiting for a reply

 

————————————————————————————————

 

Days blurred into weeks, a cycle he couldn’t seem to escape. Jin’s car would pull into the driveway,that women at his side, graceful, flawless, adored by Taehyung’s parents as though she had always belonged there. His mother fussed over her like a daughter, his father’s deep chuckles filling the house. He felt Namjoon worry gazes at him sometimes like he knows something but he will not say anything ,

 

Great, Is he imagining things now?

Taehyung hated all of this already

He sat there, silent, a ghost among them, watching the way Jin poured wine into Hana’s glass, the way her hand found his arm so naturally.
Every night, when the house quieted, Taehyung lay awake in his room, staring at the ceiling. Sleep never came easily. Whenever he closed his eyes, memories bled into dreams

The Couch

The garage

The rain

 

The car ride with soft jazz and warm fingers tangled in his.
He’d wake up drenched in sweat, heart racing, lips parted like he’d just kissed him again.
But in the morning, Jin was still there
with her
Taehyung tried to distract himself. He went out with Jimin and Jungkook, pretended to laugh at their jokes, drowned himself in assignments, even went back to the art studio late at night to paint until his hands cramped. But no matter what he did, he always ended up here, alone in his room, scrolling endlessly through his phone, waiting.

Waiting for a message that never came
Sometimes, he’d linger by the window, watching the faint glow of Jin’s living room across the street. Wondering whether he was kissing her now?. His stomach turned violently, and he had to step back, palms pressed hard against his eyes as if he could erase the image

He told himself to stop. To move on. To forget

But every time he closed his eyes, it wasn’t Hana he saw in Jin’s arms

 

It was him！

Notes:

Hi :)
Short update 🫣💔
I May update again this week Idk,
Let's Connect X 💜

Chapter 14: If It's The Same

Summary:

If your heart hurts
가슴이 아프다면
Come back to me as if nothing happened
내게로 돌아와 아무렇지 않은 듯

Come into my arms like you have for a long time
내 품에 안겨와 오랫동안 그랬듯

 

If it's the same- Brown Eyed Soul 2010

 

 

Notes:

Recommended Reading Playlist 🎧💜:

If it's the same- Brown Eyed Soul 2010
End of the Road - Boyz|| Men

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung lay sprawled on his bed, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling where faint shadows shifted with the wind outside. The clock on his nightstand ticked past 3 a.m., but his body refused to rest.

His chest rose and fell in shallow breaths, every muscle strung tight as though sleep would mean surrendering to thoughts he couldn’t afford.

He turned onto his side, dragging the blanket higher over his shoulder, but the warmth only suffocated him more.

 

He rolled onto his stomach, groaning quietly against the pillow, kicking his blanket away like it was suffocating him.

Sleep wouldn’t come

Not when the walls felt too thin,

when he swore he could almost hear Hana’s soft laugh in the room across the hall. Not when he knew Jin was here under the same roof but a world away.

Taehyung buried his face deeper into the pillow, curls damp against his forehead.

His chest ached with something he couldn’t name, half desire, half despair, all-consuming.

When dawn finally crept in through the curtains, he hadn’t slept at all. His eyes burned, his body heavy, but his mind still whirled with the same question that broke him each night

 

Was Jin kissing her the way he once kissed Him?

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung’s mother was fussing in the kitchen the next morning, humming as she carefully packed small containers of banchan into a basket. The air was warm with the scent of stir-fried anchovies, kimchi, and marinated spinach.

 

“Taehyungie ,” she called gently,

 

Taehyung was sprawled on their couch , feeling drained already to start his day , last sleepless night takes a toll on his body now , recently he just want to lay down doing nothing , he was really relieved that he doesn’t have classes that day

 

“can you take these to Jinni? He must be too busy to cook properly, and it would be nice if he shares them with his girlfriend when she visits. Hana-ssi is such a polite girl, I like her.”

The name landed like a stone in Taehyung’s chest. He blinked, trying to steady his face before his mother could notice

“O–okay,” he said, voice barely above a murmur

Why everyone is fond of her now ?

Taehyung was hating all of this

 

She smiled fondly, ruffling his hair ,handing him the basket. “Tell him I’ll send more next week too.”

 

By the time he reached Jin’s front door, Taehyung’s stomach was twisting. He rang the bell with damp palms, his heartbeat far too loud in his ears.
his chest tightened the moment the door swung open., revealing the man in a loose gray T-shirt, hair still mussed from sleep. skin soft with the quiet glow of morning, eyes still half-drowsy before widened faintly at the sight of him.

Why the sight was so painfully familiar ? it almost knocked the air from Taehyung’s lungs.

He had missed that face

 

God, he had missed it so much it hurt

 

but seeing it now only made the anger burn hotter under his skin.

 

Three months. Three months of silence. Two months of unanswered knocks, of restless nights staring at his phone, of wondering what he had done wrong. And then Jin had come back, with her. . Acting like the distance, the kisses, the heat between them had been nothing but smoke.

 

The anger told him to demand answers. To spit the words out and force Jin to look him in the eye, to tell him why he’d run away.
Why he’d chosen her.

 

But the longing

 

God, the longing chained him still. Because even now, even with his chest twisting in rage and desperation,
all he could do was drink in the softness of the man’s morning face.

 

The curve of his mouth, the warm rasp of his voice saying his name, the tiny crease in his brow when their eyes met.
He wanted to ask a thousand questions, to scream and to beg, but the words stuck like stones in his throat.

 

So it was silence that filled the space between them.

 

Taehyung swallowed ..

 

“Mom asked me to bring this.” He thrust the basket forward, as if the weight in his chest could be passed along with it.
Jin’s gaze flicked to it, then back to his face.

 

“Ah ..thank you,” he said quietly, voice rough, like he hadn’t spoken yet that morning, husky from sleep, and Taehyung’s throat tightened.

He reached out, their fingers brushing as he took the bag. The brief touch burned

too familiar, more forbidden now

 

He wanted to ask a thousand things

 

why he had disappeared,

 

why he had brought that “Hana” back into his life?

 

why his eyes still held that same unspoken heat when they met his, but the words wouldn’t form?

 

The silence was thick, heavy with memory and longing.

 

Silence thick with everything they had touched and everything they had lost.

 

And in that silence, Taehyung felt himself breaking all over again

Taehyung shifted first, stepping back though every part of him wanted to stay
“I should go,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper

 

 

But Jin’s hand twitched at his side, like he might reach out,

 

like he might stop him, He didn’t. His lips parted as if to speak, but no words came.

 

The morning air was colder when Taehyung turned away, his chest hollow. Behind him, Jin lingered at the door, still clutching the basket, his knuckles white around its handle,
As if holding onto it was the only way to stop himself from running after him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The restaurant glowed with warm light, laughter spilling easily around the table. Namjoon was in his element, catching up with their group of old friends, his deep laugh booming every few minutes.

Hyungshik, sitting beside Taehyung, leaned in to refill his glass with a smile that carried nothing but warmth.

Taehyung didn’t want to come

 

He knew he will have to sit there watching the lovey dovey couple acting as the nation’s favourite couple and he was sick of all of this drama already

He really want to stay at home that day giving Namjoon lame excuses
But Jimin and Jungkook were pestering him all day saying it was a free food and drinks , although it was Namjoon idea , Jin insist that it will be his treat as they didn’t get to meet their old friends frequently

Another reason for Taehyung to come is Hyungshik, he was missing his hyung recently , they didn’t get to meet like before due to Hyungshik new job schedule at one of Seoul’s elite companies

 

“Tae-ah why you aren’t eating ? you don’t like it ? “Hyungshik was looking at him with concerns now

 

Truthfully he wasn’t eating much recently , he had lost all his appetite ,
thanks to his other hyung

 

“I think I am not that hungry today hyung “ he tried to laugh it off awkwardly when he sense Hyungshik’s distress

“Aigoo , do you want hyung to feed you ? here- “ Hyungshik was playfully trying to feed him some of the grilled beef from his plate

Taehyung ducked his head shyly at the attention, lips curling into a faint smile. “You still treat me like a kid, hyung,” he murmured, but there was no bite in his voice.

“So you You are saying that now because you have grown up Taehyung-ah. Hyung can’t feed you?” Hyungshik said fondly, half tipsy already ,ruffling his hair in that easy, “older brother” way.

“Taehyung-ah grown to be a handsome boy now, huh ?” he heard their other hyung cheered across their table

 

Taehyung remember most of them because They used to came to their house frequently to play with Namjoon when they were younger , they stop coming later because everyone got busy with their own life : Uni, work some of them got married already , only Hyungshik who was regular visitor through the years ,and that why he got close to him in the past

“ right ?, do you remember that whiny kid with big ears toothy smile and round cheeks ? Hyung -Sik erupt suddenly loud squishing Taehyung’s cheeks

“ah, Hyunggg..” Taehyung tried to get away from the sudden attack

“I still remember how he used to follow Jin-ah all the time asking for snacks ? do you remember Jin-ah? “ Hyung-shik spoke towards Jin for the first time that night

Taehyung felt his heart picking up his beats when he heard his name
He tried to steal glances at the man only to has his breath almost stops when he found the man was looking at him already

 

If the look would kill , then he should be dead by now

 

“Of-course I remember “ careless gaze flickered to him then

Nothing

That it , short clipped answer

 

Taehyung was amazed!, he never saw them talking towards each other that much , despite their age difference between them and Namjoon with Hyngshik is the same age with Jin but they were good friends in the past , he still remember Namjoon has mentioned both hyungs got in a heated argument before in the past but they reconciled before Jin leaving to Uni
Then- they should be back as good friends right ?

“Taehyung-ah was so clingy to hyung then, he even cried and throw tantrums when you moved to college , he stopped eating for two days “ Namjoon added patting Jin’s shoulder laughing at the memories

 

He saw the man gulping hard at that trying to smile at his best friend but he can see how his smile didn’t reach his eyes , and if Taehyung isn’t tipsy and imagining things now he swears he saw the man’s eyes glistening under the yellow lights looking at him across the table before he moved his gaze back to Namjoon

“Taetae was a stubborn then “ the man said finally

 

Taehyung tucked his head down again feeling shy at the attention , his memory still vivid about the man then , only pieces …

He don’t know why he can’t remember anything about his younger years when he was only 6 years old when the man was still there , he can’t even remember younger’s Jin face or features but he can still remember somehow his presence, but he is sure he was a handsome teenager too ,

what really amaze him that he can still remember other events or people , faces from that time - but then why he can’t remember the man clearly ?

“Taetae is still that adorable stubborn rascal ,Aigoo” Hyungsik was squishing his cheeks looking tipsy already makes Namjoon and other hyung's laugh at his drunken actions

 

Except him

Jin was drinking his wine silently looking tensed

And Taehyung can feel the tension from across the table

“He was a scary cat fears the night sky ,also he fears the water , yah Jina-ah , do you still remember when Taet...” Hyungshik words got inturrpted with

A loud crash of glass noise

“Ah - Sorry , it was my fault “ the man had just dropped his glass of wine

 

“Hyung , Are you ok ?“ Namjoon stood hastily to check on him

 

“I am ok , sorry it just slipped from my hand “ Jin said nervously and stand up to help clearing the mess of the shredded glass when the waiter arrives.

The man was looking very tensed and Taehyung can’t fully understand his sudden demonir change

And just like that the conversation moved to another topic , and Hyungsik starts to talk animatedly about one of Namjoon old habit Clearly forgetting about his last topic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung can’t take his eyes off the couple sitting across the table , he tried but failed miserably

He saw how the women was showing Jin something on her phone and the
Man laughed softly at that , or how he tucked her soft curls behind her ears when she leaned down to eat from her plate

 

“Woow , your daddy has a type after all “

Taehyung jumped when he hears Jimin whispering in his ears , sitting close beside him

“What ? he seams to like curly hair heads “ Jimin defends when Taehyung glared at him

 

“Shut..-up “

Does he ?

 

He couldn’t miss how Hana leaned closer and put her head on the man shoulder looking sleepy , or how Jin’s whisper to her if she is alright ,and Taehyung felt his wounds cracking open again and again , he was drinking his sorrows away watching them, with every glass the liquor burning his throat but the burn can’t match the one in his heart right now ,

 

“Please Excuse us , Hana was feeling a little bit unwell , we will head out first , thank you all for the dinner , please enjoy your night , Namjoon-ah hyung will pay for the table “he saw the man suddenly stand ,Hana is beside him , she bows slightly looking tipsy as well

Then he saw it , the man’s hand was around her waist stabling her

Then they left together

Hands on waist

 

What about him ? he was feeling un-well too !

For a long time now

Why he can’t hold him and take care of him too !

The man didn’t even stopped him from drinking that night like he used to before

Doesn’t he care anymore ?

So Taehyung drinks and drinks

 

He can still feel those hands when they wrapped tightly around his waist , gripping hard

Or when they lift him up like he weight nothing

He is watching them holding someone else now

he didn’t realize until when his head was feeling heavy and his breath got shallow that he was already drunk ,his hand was cold , feeling shivers rundown his whole body

Why is it so cold today?

“Taetae?.……. ” he heard his name being called but can’t fully make out the rest of the words

That name

He used to call him that

 

Maybe he just need to sleep it off too

He leaned his head on the table

 

Just a little bit

Maybe when he wakes up tomorrow everything will be fine

 

And he can hold his hand again

 

_________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hyung!”

 

At first, Jin thought it was a dream, like many restless dreams he experienced lately , or maybe it is the echo of the rain or his own desperate heartbeat as usual , he tried to drag himself to sleep again

 

But then came that voice again

“Hyu..ng!”

“Ji..n H.yung”

Low, rough, and unmistakably him

 

“Hyung! O..pen the door -.Hiccup- no..w!”

 

His voice cracked at the edges, slurred, Drunk

He looked at the clock , it was already past 2 AM

 

The knocking increased that Jin is afarid he will awaken their neighborhood

 

Jin shoved on a hoodie, hastily feet carrying him before his sleepy brain could stop them,His chest was a storm, torn between dread and desperate, When he opened the door, the night air was sharp, cold
After the last night heavy rain

 

And there Taehyung stood, all wet

 

Hair a tousled mess, cheeks flushed with drink, eyes glassy but burning. His breath fogged in the chill, his body swaying unsteadily, yet his stare was sharp enough to cut Jin open

They weren’t talking to each other since he was back and now he can see the boy this close

Jin couldn’t control his heart beats

 

“D..id you -hiccup- kiss her too??”

 

“W..hat ..?”

The boy was reeking of the strong liquor smell he was was consuming all night

 

“I am asking ..,you Did -hicuup-you kiss -hicuup- her too??”

 

“Taehyung-ah, you’re drunk. ,,,

Go home ” Jin’s voice was low, cautious, begging his own restraint

But Taehyung only shoved past him, stumbling inside, nearly tripping on the threshold. He turned, pointing a trembling finger at him

 

“No. ...Not ..-hicuup- this time. ..” he watched him swaying left and write trying to find his words

“You don’t get to keep runninnng,” Taehyung bit out, voice shaking with drunken fury.

 

Jin’s stomach dropped. His hands twitched at his sides, aching to steady him, but he forced them still

“You should sleep this off. We’ll talk when you’re sober—”

 

“No!” Taehyung’s voice cracked, loud, raw, as though he’d been holding it back for months now

“I asked you ,.. did you kiss her -hicuup- too ?” he saw him trying to point his finger on his chest now

“Do you know what it’s like, hyung? ..

To keep waiting?.........

To keep wondering why you kissed me like that ” Taehyung’s chest heaved, breath hitching

 

“ only to disappear like I meant nothing?”

 

Jin froze, Every word was a knife.

 

“Taehyung-ah, .. let’s ....”He opened his mouth, but before he could speak, Taehyung’s hands fasted into his hoodie and yanked him down

And then his lips crashed against him

It wasn’t graceful, it was desperate, sloppy, trembling with months and months of frustration. A drunken attempt to remind him,
to pull him back into the fire they’d lit in that garage

But Jin didn’t let it happen again

His hands shot up, gripping Taehyung’s shoulders, pushing gently but firmly, breaking the contact before it could deepen

 

“Stop.” His voice was hoarse, but steady

 

But Taehyung was out of his right mind at that state , he forces himself on him again trying to kiss him forcibly, lips chasing his , hands trying to grasp him desperately

“Taehyung! “ Jin’s voice was firm this time ,putting distance between them

“You think this will fix it? That kissing me will make me forget what’s wrong about all of this?” Jin whispered torn between fury and heartbreak.

He regretted already when he saw how the boy’s soft face has contracted , like he was in a physical pain

His fingers dug into Taehyung’s arms, holding him at bay even as every nerve screamed to pull him closer

They didn’t talk things out properly before , he didn’t wish for things to turn this way

 

Feeling guilty dragging the younger in his own internal mess

Taehyung’s face crumpled, his breath hot against his cheek. Then

“I don’t care if it’s wrong. I don’t care about anything anymore.

I just… I can’t lose you.” His voice broke, low and trembling

“Don’t make me feel.... like I’m nothing to you !!”

“I had said I want you !“ Taehyung voice has picked the loud desperate edge again

 

But want isn’t enough - he wants to tell the boy -

 

Jin shut his eyes, his entire body trembling. He wanted to say the words , But instead he forced his hands to let go, stepping back, putting air between them though it felt like tearing flesh from bone

 

“You’re drunk,” he said again, softer this time

 

“And I can’t… I won’t take advantage of that.”

 

Taehyung’s fists shook at his sides, eyes brimming, lips parted as though to argue

 

For a long moment, neither of them moved. The only sound was Taehyung’s ragged breathing, the faint drip of rain still clinging to his clothes

And then Taehyung’s eyes brimmed over, The tears slid down his flushed cheeks silently at first, before his whole body shook with the weight of them

“Taehyung-ah…” Jin’s chest cracked open at the sight. He stepped forward on instinct, his hands reaching to steady his trembling shoulders

 

“Hey… Taehyung-ah shhh, Don’t cry.” Jin felt the panic raise in his heart

The boy suddenly began to cry, his body shaking violently from the intensity of his sobbing.

But he collapsed into him anyway, pressing his damp face against Jin’s chest,

sobs muffled into his hoodie. Jin’s arms hesitated for a second before wrapping around him tight,
holding him as though he could shield him from the very pain he caused

“I waited for you,” Taehyung choked. Loud sobs now reasoning around his quite living room

 

“Every night. I thought… I thought you hated me.” he felt the boy’s hand wrapped around his back

Nails digging hard in his shirt,

Jin’s throat burned. He smoothed a hand down the boy’s back, shushing him softly.

“No. God, no. I never hated you”

 

He felt the boy crying increase at that , trying to push his face on his chest as he was hiding from the pain caused by him

And Jin just stood there hands wrapped tightly around the shivering boy between his arms

Taehyung tipped his head back then, glassy eyes locking onto Jin’s. And before Jin could react, his lips were there again, pressing tightly , trembling, tasting of salt and desperation.

Eyes closed tightly , Like he was afraid of the rejection again

Jin froze

 

His mind screamed stop, He’d promised himself. He’d sworn to keep distance

 

But his heart, his hollow, starving heart, betrayed him.

God he has a girlfriend now

But he couldn’t bear to see the boy’s crying face

A broken sound left his throat as his hands came up, cupping Taehyung’s damp cheeks. And this time, he kissed him back.

 

Slowly at first, almost apologetically. Then deeper, as the dam he’d built over weeks of restraint shattered in seconds.

 

He thought everything will be fine now he got everything on track ,

 

He thought the distance will cure him ,... them

yet he found himself here again -

 

Taehyung whimpered into his mouth, clutching at his hoodie like he’d never let go. Their mouths moved together desperately, bruising, yet beneath it all was something softer, trembling, like neither knew if they were kissing to heal or to break each other further

 

When they finally pulled apart, foreheads pressed together, Jin’s breath came in uneven gasps

“Hyung…” Taehyung whispered between kisses, voice wrecked and trembling.

“I missed you so much.” His lips brushed Jin’s again, insistent, desperate

“Don’t leave me again.”

 

You will not remember this in the morning , do you ?

 

Jin groaned, the sound raw, guttural, before his mouth claimed Taehyung’s again. He kissed him deeper, slower for a moment, his tongue sliding against the younger’s with a tenderness that hurt more than it soothed.

 

The kiss had barely started before Taehyung’s feverish energy overtook it. One second Jin was trying to steady him, the next his back hit the couch with a dull thud. Taehyung was on him in an instant, straddling his lap, his curls falling into Jin’s face as their mouths crashed together again.

 

“Taehyung-” Jin tried to breathe, but his words were swallowed by the boy’s desperate lips, soft and insistent, pressing again and again like he couldn’t get close enough.

 

His hands were everywhere gripping Jin’s jaw, sliding down his chest, tugging at the hem of his shirt with unsteady urgency. Taehyung’s breath was hot, ragged against his mouth as he broke the kiss only to pant, “Hyung… let me… just” before kissing him again, harder.

 

Jin groaned against his lips, his body betraying him as heat surged low in his stomach. Taehyung tugged harder at his shirt under his hoodie, fingers fumbling at the fabric as though he would tear it off if Jin didn’t help.
For a dizzy second, Jin almost let him. Almost let the boy strip away the last layer of restraint he had left.

 

But then Taehyung moaned his name, low and broken, and Jin snapped back heart clenching. His hands caught Taehyung’s wrists gently but firmly against his chest, stopping him.
“Tae-ah,” Jin breathed, forehead pressed to the younger’s, their lips brushing with every shaky inhale.

“Stop... Please.”

Taehyung shook his head -terrified- , trying to kiss him again, voice rough with frustration. “I don’t want to stop, hyung... I need you.”

God, Jin wanted to give in.

 

He wanted to drown in that need,But he couldn’t. Not like this, not when Taehyung was burning, feverish, desperate in a way that wasn’t thinking straight.
So instead, he pulled him into another kiss, slower this time, gentler, pouring his ache into it while keeping Taehyung’s hands pinned against his chest.
He let the boy taste his lips, let him cling and whimper against him, but he refused to cross the line Taehyung would regret

Taehyung’s mouth was hot, demanding, when he felt the kiss deepen again and Jin let himself drown in it, even though every fiber of his chest was aching.
He kissed him back with the same hunger Taehyung offered, matching him, feeding into the boy’s desire, because that was all Taehyung believed this was,
need
So he buried it.

 

Jin let his hand slide over Taehyung’s jaw, down the column of his throat, to rest over the frantic beat of his heart. He stroked his hands there as though soothing him, like he used to before when he was younger

Though really it was his own racing pulse he wanted to calm.

He tilted Taehyung’s face down more, kissing him deeper, slower, pouring into the kiss everything he couldn’t say aloud.
Taehyung whimpered, arching closer, misreading the tenderness for indulgence. His hands were everywhere fisted in Jin’s hair, tugging at his shirt, restless with need

“Hyung…” he whispered between gasps, lips brushing Jin’s cheek, his chin, desperate to be kissed again.
“Please… I need you.”

Jin swallowed hard, chest twisting painfully.

You don’t know what you’re asking.

You don’t know what I feel.

But he didn’t say it
.

Instead, he kissed him again, gentler this time, unbearably soft, like he was memorizing the shape of Taehyung’s mouth. He let the boy taste the rush he was chasing, gave him the closeness he craved. All the while hiding his heart behind each touch, each sigh.

 

Because if Taehyung only wanted desire, then Jin would give him desire.

 

Even if what burned in Jin’s chest was so much more.

 

And as Taehyung’s lips parted under his, feverish and eager, Jin thought bitterly

if this is all I’m allowed to give you,
then let me at least give you happiness.

 

He pulled back slightly, resting his forehead against Taehyung’s, lips brushing but not pressing anymore

“Tae… you’re drunk,” he murmured, his voice shaking with restraint

“You won’t remember this tomorrow.” he was trying to soothe the boy

Trying to slow him down
Taehyung shook his head , trying to kiss him again, voice rough with frustration. “I don’t care , don’t want to stop, hyung. ..I need you.”

 

But I care-

 

Taehyung’s lips were back at his again ,wild , hungry and demanding, his hands clawing at Jin’s shirt like he could peel away every barrier between them

 

GOD, What’s gotten into him today ?

Jin held his wrists againt, trying to steady him, but the boy only groaned, pressing closer, hips shifting against Jin’s lap in a frantic rhythm.

 

“Hyung… please,” Taehyung gasped against his mouth, voice raw,
Broken

shaking with want.
Jin’s chest tightened painfully. He should stop this. He knew he should

But then Taehyung moved again, grinding down hard, and a broken sound tore from his throat before Jin could bite it back.
God.

 

The boy was trembling, curls sticking to his damp forehead, his lips red and swollen, his whole body burning against him.
Jin couldn’t bring himself to push him away not when he looked like he would shatter without him.

 

So Jin let him.
He loosened his grip, sliding his hands instead to Taehyung’s waist, steadying him as the younger moved desperately against him. Each roll of his hips sent

shudders through Jin’s body, each soft moan muffled against his lips like a secret he couldn’t bear anyone else to hear. But Jin didn’t dare to touch him

He just kissed him back, deep, aching, reverent. Not to stoke the fire, but to carry him through it, to anchor him as his fever burned.

 

“Hyung… I can’t ” Taehyung choked, breaking the kiss only to bury his face against Jin’s neck, panting hotly against his skin. His body convulsed with need, pushing harder, chasing release with a desperation that made Jin’s heart break.

 

“Shh…” Jin whispered, threading one hand into his damp hair, the other firm at his back, holding him through it. “It’s okay, Tae-ah. I’ve got you.”

 

Hyung have got you

 

The younger gasped once, twice, and then collapsed against him, trembling, lips brushing his throat as he sagged in his lap. His breath was uneven, chest heaving, his whole body still buzzing from the storm, then he can feels his muffled sobs again

Jin’s heart cracked at the desperation in his voice

 

He kissed him once more soft, achingly slow before trailing his lips across his damp cheek, down to his temple, then pulling him into a crushing embrace

 

He held him there, arms tight, rocking him gently like he used to when the boy was younger. Taehyung trembled in his arms, still clinging, still chasing his warmth, but Jin refused to let it spiral further.
Instead, he whispered against his hair,

 

“Sleep, Taetae. I’ve got you.”

 

The younger resisted at first, restless and feverish, but gradually his weight sagged into Jin, his breaths slowing, evening out.

 

Jin stayed still, holding him like he was the most fragile thing in the world. His lips pressed once to the crown of Taehyung’s head, lingering there as his own eyes burned.

 

For him, every brush of Taehyung's lips, every shaky breath, every trembling sound spilling from Taehyung’s mouth only carved the truth deeper into him.

This wasn’t lust,

It wasn’t something fleeting,

He was already in love

And that what terrified him the most

Notes:

 

 

Hi :) 💜

I updated twice this week as I promise on last chapter, I hope you enjoyed 💌☘️

I recommended above songs bcs I felt touched by the lyrics , and is just so Taejin's coded

 

Thank you Taehyung for introducing Brown Eyed Soul 💜💜😭

Let's Connect X 💜

Chapter 15: Babo 바보**

Summary:

Is it wind, just shaking?
The heart ,shaking like shaking leaves
Is it love, even without you?
My heart shakes much

바람인가요-Brown Eyed Soul 2010

 

**Babo 바보 (Korean) (adj): Fool, stupid , silly

Notes:

Inspired by the following Playlist 🎧💜 (As I am a bit an old classic lover ):

1- Love ballad Brown Eyed Soul
2-상어를 사랑한 인어 Jo Kwan Woo
3-In too Deep Why don't We
4- The Wind, The Sea, The Rain 바람인가요 2007 - Brown Eyed Soul
5-It Seems Hard To Love -Lee Ji Soo

 

 

 

 

 

🎧💜Love ballad- Brown Eyed Soul

He shouldn’t have gone back. He should have just driven home directly. But Hana had said she’d forgotten her coat, so Jin turned back to fetch it.
And he regretted it the moment he stepped inside

Because there it was

He saw them

Hyungshik’s hand rested gently on Taehyung’s head, patting softly. The boy was slumped over the table, cheek pressed to his folded arm, lips parted slightly in sleep. His skin looked pale under the dim restaurant lights, like he was shivering

Jin’s heart clenched

Before he could think, his feet moved， instinct pulling him toward the boy. Worry burned in his chest.

Was he sick?

Did he drink too much?

But he stopped short when Hyungshik leaned down, his voice low, checking on him, concern soft in his tone.

He froze

He had promised himself. Distance

That was why he left

That was why Hana was here now

And yet, he knew this would happen. He’d watched Taehyung earlier secretly, glass after glass, drinking like his life depends on it , and ,
Jin knew the truth, or at least half of it. the boy was hurting.

Because of him...

He understand

But what Jin didn’t understand was why Taehyung blushed at Hyungshik’s touch. Why he didn’t pull away.

Why it looked… familiar. Comfortable

This is Ridiculous

He told himself it meant nothing. Hyungshik was always touchy when drunk, always doting on Taehyung like a kid brother. He had for years. But what gnawed at Jin’s chest was something else entirely
The way Taehyung’s lips curved in that small, fond smile before sleep overtook him. The faint pink in his cheeks.

Why did he look at Hyungshik like that?
Why did he smile so tenderly?
Why did he blush?
Jin’s jaw tightened. Great,
Was he really jealous of Hyungshik now?

 

“Oh—Hyung, did you forget something?” Namjoon’s voice broke through his storm.

“Ah… yeah. Hana’s coat,” Jin replied automatically, though his eyes never left the sleeping boy across the table.
Namjoon leaned toward his brother. “Taehyung-ah… you’re sleepy? Do you want to go home?”
“Taetate? ..Aigoo, he’s drunk,” Hyungshik chuckled softly, though his concern was clear. “Namjoon-ah, bring the car. I’ll carry him.”
He shrugged out of his jacket, draping it carefully over Taehyung’s shoulders. With Jimin’s help, he shifted the boy onto his back with practiced ease, Taehyung’s head lolling against him, soft curls brushing Hyungshik’s cheek.

Jin’s fists clenched at his sides, nails digging into his palms.
Fighting his own instincts.fighting the urge to push forward, to take Taehyung into his own arms instead

But he stayed still

Watching

Burning

 

______________________________________

 

 

🎧💜 상어를 사랑한 인어 Jo Kwan Woo

The apartment was silent again, save for the shallow rhythm of Taehyung’s breathing against his chest

Jin sat motionless on the couch, hoodie damp where the younger’s tears had seeped through, his arms still wrapped around him like a lifeline. Taehyung had finally stilled, his weight gone heavy, breath evening out into sleep.
But Jin’s own chest was anything but calm. It was a battlefield.

He tilted his head back against the couch, staring at the ceiling through the dim light of the lamp he hadn’t bothered to turn off. His fingers kept moving on their own, stroking through Taehyung’s curls, soothing even though the boy was already asleep. It was instinct, something he’d always done for him as a kid, but now it felt like the most dangerous thing in the world.

Every sob Taehyung had spilled into his chest still echoed in his ears. Every trembling whisper ”Don’t make me feel like I’m nothing to you”still burned like a brand on his skin. And Jin knew, with terrifying clarity, that it would destroy him if Taehyung ever truly believed that.

His gaze dropped to the younger’s face.

Even in sleep, Taehyung looked undone. Lips swollen, cheeks flushed, brows still faintly knitted as though he was dreaming something restless. And yet he clung to him, even unconscious, fingers still fisted lightly in his shirt, as if letting go wasn’t an option.

 

Jin’s throat ached. He brushed his thumb lightly over the boy’s damp temple, the motion more tender than he wanted to allow.
How he supposed to walk away from this?

He had tried
God, he had tried,

Running to his hometown, forcing distance, even trying to revive something dead with Hana.
But nothing worked.
Because none of it filled the hollow.
None of it stilled his restless nights.

None of it quieted the storm except… this.

 

Except Taehyung

 

Jin closed his eyes for a long moment, forehead lowering to rest against the crown of the boy’s head. His lips brushed soft hair as he exhaled, whispering words he didn’t dare let reach waking ears.

“You’re killing me”

It wasn’t accusation

 

It was confession

Because he was terrified. Terrified of what it meant to love him like this.

Terrified of what it would cost, his family’s trust, Namjoon’s trust, everything he had built.

 

Terrified that this was already too late, that he’d already crossed a line he could never uncross.
But more than anything, he was terrified of how much he didn’t care about any of that in this moment.
His arms tightened around the boy’s sleeping form, pulling him closer, as if he could fuse them together and keep him safe from everything

himself most of all.
Jin swallowed hard, his chest heavy, his heart raw
And he felt his eyes stung more

 

 

 

 

He lowered Taehyung carefully onto the couch, his body still heavy from drink and exhaustion. The boy’s head lolled to the side, lips parting just a little, soft curls sticking to his damp forehead.
he stood there for a second, just looking, before tugging off his hoodie and draping it over him.

He knew now how the younger’s body heat dropped when he is drunk
It must be uncomfortable for the boy to sleep in his dirty clothes but Jin couldn’t dare to change them,
He pulled the blanket from the armrest , covering him up more, tucking it close around his shoulders like some instinct he couldn’t stop.
When he finished, he didn’t walk away. His legs just wouldn’t carry him. Instead, he sat down on the floor beside the couch, back leaning against it, knees pulled up. Close enough to hear his soft breathing, close enough to see the way his long lashes shifted faintly when he moved in sleep.

The apartment was quiet except for the faint ticking of the clock and the sound of Taehyung’s steady breaths. Jin let out one of his own, shaky, pressing his palms together to stop them from fidgeting.

 

He told himself it was relief, relief that the boy had finally calmed down, that he’d managed to stop things before they crossed a line. But as he sat there, his chest felt tight, almost painful, like something pressing from the inside.
He shouldn’t feel like this. Watching him sleep shouldn’t feel like… this. Like it was something he wasn’t meant to see, but couldn’t look away from either.
Jin rubbed his face roughly with both hands, but when he lowered them again, his eyes just went back to him. curled into his hoodie, small hand twitching against the blanket as though still searching for him even in sleep.

Jin felt something split open inside

This wasn’t lust
It wasn’t obsession
It wasn’t some crisis of loneliness

 

It was love

 

The word rang through him with brutal clarity, and for the first time, Jin couldn’t push it away

He loved him

God, he loved him

 

The realization was both terrifying and devastating, but also… undeniable. Because nothing else could explain why the thought of Taehyung’s tears felt like knives in his chest. Why his laughter had become the only sound that could quiet his restless nights. Why even now, watching him sleep, Jin felt like he was witnessing something sacred.
Something he didn’t deserve, but couldn’t let go of.
He leaned forward slightly, his hand trembling as he brushed a stray curl from Taehyung’s forehead, the touch achingly tender. The boy shifted faintly but didn’t wake, only leaned unconsciously into the warmth.
Jin’s throat burned. His eyes stung. He pressed his lips together, forcing back the sound that threatened to escape, half laugh, half sob

 

Love

 

That was it. That was all it had ever been.
And now that he knew, he also knew he was doomed.
Because he couldn’t have him

Not really

Not in the way his heart demanded

So he stayed there, on the floor, watching him

A silent sentinel in the dark.
He was gone.
His heart wasn’t his anymore.
Somewhere along the way, maybe in the middle of all those stolen kisses, or maybe before, maybe years ago, it had already left him.
Jin leaned his head back against the edge of the couch, eyes stinging, throat heavy. He let out a quiet breath, almost a laugh, almost a sigh

 

“Sleep well, Taetae.”

 

The words were a vow he couldn’t keep, but he gave them anyway.
He rested his head back against the couch, eyes fixed on him until exhaustion pulled at his body. And when he finally drifted off, it was with the weight of his first epiphany

 

That his heart was already gone

And it belonged to the boy sleeping on his couch

 

______________________________________________

🎧💜In too Deep - Why don't We

 

Taehyung woke to warmth he hadn’t felt in a long time. His body felt light, his chest strangely unburdened, like he’d finally slept through the night without tossing and turning.a familiar comforting smell touches his nostrils
But as soon as he shifted under the blanket and blinked the sleep from his eyes, the realization hit

This wasn’t his bed

His heart lurched. He sat up abruptly, the blanket sliding down his chest, and that’s when he saw him

The man was on the floor beside the couch, his head tilted uncomfortably against the side cushion, his long legs stretched out, hoodie sleeves pushed up his arms. His breathing was soft, steady, lashes casting faint shadows on his cheeks

Taehyung froze

For a wild second, panic seized him

what had he done?

His mind scrambled, pulling fragments of memory from last night, but it was all a blur of rain, liquor, and aching words he wasn’t sure he’d really spoken.

His stomach turned

God, had he said something stupid? Done something worse?

He hugged the blanket tighter, his pulse racing

Jin shifted in his sleep then, brows furrowing briefly before relaxing again. His lips parted slightly as he exhaled, Taehyung’s chest clenched.

He looked… soft.

Softer than he’d seen him in months.
Remind him of the morning when he came to deliver his mother side dishes then

The man wasn’t the careful, distant hyung who avoided his gaze.
Not the polished, untouchable man who showed up with a woman at his side
Just Seokjin-Hyung , messy-haired, vulnerable, asleep on the hard floor because Taehyung had crashed his home like a drunken fool

Taehyung’s throat tightened painfully

He wanted to reach out, to brush the stray strands of hair from his forehead, to confirm he was real.
But his hand only twitched on the blanket, curling into a fist instead.

 

He couldn’t.

He had no right
He felt his heart beats again at the sight , and he keeps watching the man before he could resist he felt his eyes dropped again to the man soft breath rhythms .

 

_________________________________________________________________

 

When he opened his eyes again, the first thing he noticed was the smell. rich, savory, a little spicy. His stomach growled before his head even cleared.
He sat up slowly on the couch, blanket slipping down to his lap. The hoodie draped over him last night was still there, faintly warm, smelling faintly like detergent and the man’s for a moment, he just stared at it, heartbeat picking up without reason.
Then came the sound of pots from the kitchen.
He pushed himself up, hair sticking out in every direction, head still heavy but not splitting like before. Following the smell, he padded to the doorway and froze.
His Seokjin-Hyung was there. Standing at the stove, sleeves pushed to his elbows, wearing an apron ,stirring a pot while something else sizzled in a pan beside him. His hair was messy, sticking up in the back,
like he’d only just rolled off the floor.
For some reason, Taehyung’s chest clenched at the sight.
“Hyung…” His voice came out rough from sleep, quiet.
Jin glanced back, and for a moment, the morning light caught his face just right, softening the sharp edges, making him look achingly familiar.

The Seokjin-Hyung he remembered.

The Jin he missed.

“You’re awake,” Jin said gently， his ears are fully red
“come sit. food’s almost ready.”
Taehyung hesitated, then obeyed without protest, slipping onto a chair at the small kitchen table. The blanket slipped down his shoulders, and Jin’s eyes flicked to him briefly, just long enough for Taehyung to feel exposed. He ducked his head quickly, fingers tugging at the edge of the fabric.
Moments later, a steaming bowl was set in front of him.

“ I made Haejangguk,” Jin explained, as though Taehyung didn’t already know.

“It’ll help with the hangover.”

Taehyung mumbled a thank you, lifting the spoon hesitantly. The first sip was hot, savory, comforting, warming his chest all the way down.
He hadn’t realized how empty he felt until now.

Jin didn’t say much, just brought over a couple of side dishes, rice and sat across from him with his own bowl.

“Eat slowly,” Jin added, his voice gentle but low in the quiet morning
For a while, the only sounds were the clink of spoons and the low simmer of the stove still on behind them. Taehyung felt the heat in his cheeks that had nothing to do with the soup.

“Hyung..” Taehyunug tried but wasn’t sure how to start

What he will say ..
I am sorry ?
I crashed at your place like some stupid drunk kid?

He groans internally at his mess , the last thing he remembered was his hyung leaving with Hana and him feeling hopeless and jealous, then nothing

Did he embarrass himself in front of his hyung ?
God , why he can’t remember anything ?
He is such a fool

But the man was looking neutral, he doesn’t look like he was upset or angry at him ?

“You should eat more,” Jin said quietly after a while. As he can sense his tensed body
Moving the rice bowl towards him

“You’ve lost weight.”

Well, he did lose weight as he wasn’t eating well for the past period , and on contrast he is feeling so hungry at the moment, but he was feeling so nervous and awkward sitting across the man
Biting his lips , he was shaking his legs under the table
When he suddenly felt the man trapped his shaken legs between his under the table , to stop him from shaking them

His heart gave a loud thud
He looked up at the man startled
Jin was looking at him , he gave him a gentle smile before nodding his head towards the broth

“Eat !” his command was firm but gentle at the same time

Taehyung felt part of the tension leave his body after the elder soft tone
He happily obliged starts eating the comforting soup

It was delicuos
And for the first time in a while , feeling his appetite has came back

Taehyung kept his head down, spoon dipping into the broth slowly. His body felt heavy still, warm from the soup, but his mind wouldn’t settle.
He wanted to look at the man again.

No, he needed to. Just to make sure his hyung wasn’t angry, that he hadn’t ruined everything by showing up drunk and pathetic at his door last night.
So he stole a glance.

Jin was calmly eating, eyes on his bowl, movements steady and practiced. He didn’t look upset… but he didn’t look at him either.
Taehyung’s stomach twisted.
He hurriedly shoveled another s

poonful of soup, pretending to be very focused on the taste.
A minute later, he peeked again, through his lashes this time. Jin’s face was softer in the morning light, the corners of his mouth relaxed. His hair still stuck up at the back, making him look unfairly boyish.
Taehyung felt a lump form in his throat and quickly looked away before Jin noticed.

Or… did he notice?

Because when Taehyung risked another glance, Jin’s eyes flicked up, just for a heartbeat, before dropping back to his bowl.
Heat rushed to Taehyung’s cheeks. He ducked, stirring the soup like it suddenly required deep concentration.
He told himself no more looking. Just finish eating, thank him, go home. Pretend like everything was fine.
But then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jin push the kimchi dish a little closer to him without saying anything.
His chest tightened again.

So he peeked once more.

And this time, Jin caught him.

Their eyes met, only for a second, but it was enough to make Taehyung’s heart stumble. he didn’t frown, didn’t look away angrily. He just gave the faintest raise of his brow, as though asking silently, What are you looking at?
Flustered, Taehyung dropped his gaze instantly, nearly knocking his spoon against the bowl.
“I-I wasn’t—” he started, but cut himself off, lips pressing together as his ears burned.
Jin let out a small breath that sounded suspiciously like a chuckle, quiet and quick, before going back to his soup.

Taehyung sat frozen for a moment, then slowly picked up his spoon again. His heart was still racing, but somehow… it didn’t feel so heavy anymore.

 

Jin watched quietly from across the small table, chopsticks moving absently while his eyes strayed again and again to the boy in front of him.
Taehyung’s hair was sticking up in every direction, soft curls refusing to settle after sleep， like he’d wrestled with the blanket instead of resting under it.
His eyes were still half-lidded, lids heavy from rest, though clearer than last night, kept flicking up nervously, then darting away the moment Jin met them.

He looked… young. Disoriented. Almost guilty. But when he finally took a spoonful of soup and his expression softened into relief, shoulders relaxing, lips parting with a small satisfied hum, quiet, unthinking, pleased, it was all Jin could do not to grin.
He’d made that hangover soup in half-sleep, but seeing Taehyung’s pout soften around the spoon made it feel like the best thing he’d cooked in months.

Jin’s felt his chest tightened.

God. That sound, that expression.

The boy ate like he hadn’t been fed properly in weeks, like every bite was mending something broken inside him. He reached for the kimchi, fumbling clumsily with his chopsticks, and Jin had to bite back the smile tugging at his mouth.

It was so him—messy, unguarded, unashamedly alive.
And for the first time in what felt like forever, the weight pressing down on Jin’s ribs eased. Watching him, hearing the small, careless noises of enjoyment, seeing the soup steam fog the boy’s lashes… it was like a knot inside him finally loosened.

The clatter of Taehyung’s spoon nearly slipping from his hand startled him, big eyes going wide in embarrassment. He looked up quickly, cheeks flushed, caught between apology and panic

Jin’s heart clenched so hard he almost laughed out loud.
How could he look so undone over a spoon?
How could someone be so much chaos and still the most adorable beautiful thing in the room?

It didn’t take a genius to read what was going on,Taehyung thought he was in trouble. He was worried he’d done something stupid, that Jin was upset with him.
Jin could almost laugh at how obvious it was, the way the boy’s shoulders stiffened every time their gazes almost met, or how he kept chewing slower than usual, cautious, like even the sound of his spoon against the bowl might disturb him.

God, he was so bad at hiding things.
And Jin found it unbearably endearing.

He forced himself to keep a straight face, lifting his soup spoon to his lips, but inside, warmth curled through his chest.
His chest ached with fondness.

This kid

If Taehyung only knew how little there was to worry about.
How Jin could never be mad when the boy looked at him with those timid, apologetic wide eyes , like he was afraid of being pushed away.
So he let the silence linger, pretending to be absorbed in his food, while secretly savoring every nervous glance Taehyung stole at him.
Every twitch of his lips. Every sign that beneath the awkwardness, Taehyung still wanted to be close.
And the truth was

 

Jin found it adorable
He found him adorable

God help him,

he was already too far gone

 

——————————————————————————————

 

 

 

 

When the dishes were washed, the kitchen quiet again. Jin wiped his hands on a towel, glancing toward the doorway where Taehyung lingered, half in, half out, as though his feet couldn’t decide whether to stay or go.
“Thanks for the food, hyung,” Taehyung mumbled, his voice low, polite in a way that felt strange between them. His hands fidgeted at his sides, twisting the hem of his shirt.

Jin only nodded. “Get some rest when you get home. You still look tired.”

“Mm.” Taehyung’s lashes dipped, and for a moment, Jin thought that was it, that he would bow his head, slip his shoes on, and leave. But then Taehyung took one step closer.
And another.

The space between them shrank until Jin could see the faint flush across his cheeks, the nervous twitch of his mouth. The boy’s eyes flicked up to his, wide and unsure, searching.
Jin’s breath caught. His body went still, every muscle tightening, waiting.

“Hyung , did I say or do something stupid yesterday ? “ Taehyung was standing nervously , looking down , playing with his fingers
I missed you so much
Don’t leave me again.
don’t want to stop, hyung. ..I need you

Don’t make me feel.... like I’m nothing to you

Yeah , ofcourse you don’t remmber

“Are you mad at me , hyung ?” Taehyung eyes got bigger looking at him

“No , you didn’t Tae-ah”

“did we.…?” he looked hesitantly at him , then look away fast when their eyes met
Jin raise his eyebrow as an answer
Did they what ?

“K..iss ? “ the boy’s voice was small almost child like
Jin felt his heart thus loudly at that , the boy didn’t remmber anything from the last night
Maybe this was good for Taehyung
For Jin himself
For his heart

“Not really ...” JIn gulps hard
He saw Taehyung coming closer still looking hesitant still
he leaned in so close Jin could feel the faint brush of his hair against his cheek—and for a heartbeat, he thought the boy would lose his nerve. But then, with a sudden rush of courage, Taehyung pressed the lightest, quickest peck to his lips.
Barely there. Gone before Jin could even draw breath.
And then he bolted.
Jin blinked, startled, his chest stuttering with the aftershock. Taehyung had already stumbled into his shoes, tugging them on clumsily, head ducked like a guilty child.

The door opened.
“Bye, hyung!” Taehyung squeaked out,
And before Jin could answer, the boy had dashed out, the sound of his hurried steps fading down the hall.
Jin stood frozen in the entryway, the ghost of that tiny kiss still burning on his lips.
His hand lifted without thinking, brushing over his mouth as though to keep it there, to hold it in place before it slipped away

And his heart,

God, his heart clenched almost painfully at the thought.
A laugh escaped him then, soft,

disbelieving

His chest aching all over again

 

————————————————————

 

🎧💜The Wind, The Sea, The Rain 바람인가요 2007 - Brown Eyed Soul

 

It was another Weekend in the Kim’s house ,the backyard was full of noise.

Jimin and Jungkook shouted every time Taehyung fumbled his serve, and Taehyung only laughed louder, racket swinging like he was born to miss. His curls bounced with every clumsy move, his cheeks pink, lips curved in that careless grin that always get to lighten the air around him

Jin sat with Hana on the veranda in the porch, her voice soft beside him, talking about something, he didn’t hear. His eyes were already gone, chasing after the boy on the grass.
“Yah, Taetae! Focus!” Jimin laughed, darting across the grass.

“I am focusing!” Taehyung shot back, his voice indignant, curls flopping into his eyes as he tried to serve.

But he swung too hard,

Watch Out- -Jin wants to shout for him-

the shuttlecock smacked the boy head before rolling onto the grass

Ouch , Jin felt himself winced with Taehyung at the hit

Taehyung yelped, then pouted, rubbing his forehead, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. ,

 

When Taehyung bent to pick up the shuttlecock again, his racket slipped from his fingers and clattered against his shin. He yelped, hopping clumsily, only to bump his head against the post of the net.
then collapsed into laughter, the sound ringing bright across the yard.

 

Jin’s chest squeezed, with fodness ache

 

Babo

 

“Yah! babo-yah!” Jimin Shout , as he can reads his thoughts

Jungkook doubled over laughing. “Hyung, you’re hopeless!”

JIn’s lips almost curved before he caught himself, fingers clenching against his knee. He shouldn’t. Not with the said “girlfriend” beside him. Not when everyone thought, no, believed

 

she was the only one he was looking at.

But Taehyung was too much. Sunlight on his skin, curls sticking to his forehead, clumsy and beautiful in a way Jin could never look away from. Somewhere along the way, Jin had already lost.
And then Taehyung looked up.

Just for a second. Their eyes caught, dark and sharp like Taehyung could see right through him. Jin’s chest lurched, breath catching, but before he could react, before he could even look away, Hana shifted beside him, her hand brushing his arm.

The spell broke. Jin turned his gaze down, pretending to adjust his sleeve, his pulse still racing

When he looked back up, Taehyung had already gone back to laughing with Jimin and Jungkook.
The boy was staeling glances at them from time to time now , body stiff but he looks better than past days
But Jin sat frozen, his chest aching, knowing no matter how much he pretended, no matter who sat beside him..

 

his heart was already elsewhere.

 

____________________________________________________________

🎧💜It Seems Hard To Love -Lee Ji Soo

 

The dinner table was loud with chatter again , fork the weekend’s dinner at the Kims Hana laughing softly beside Jin at one of Mr.Kim stories, Namjoon asking about Jin’s work, Mrs. Kim pouring more soup into everyone’s bowls. From the outside, it looked perfect.

Warm. domestic

But Taehyung couldn’t feel anything except the heat crawling under his skin.

Every time Jin lifted his chopsticks, every time his voice dipped low to answer something Hana said, Taehyung’s chest tightened. Their feet brushed once under the table just barely and Jin pulled away instantly. It was nothing to anyone else, but to Taehyung it was everything.
The rejection burned.

 

The whole meal felt like that, stolen glances, near-touches, the weight of eyes lingering when no one was looking. The air between them was heavy, buzzing with things unsaid.
Halfway through the evening, Jin excused himself, mumbling something about the bathroom. Taehyung’s eyes followed him until the door closed, pulse thudding. His body moved before his brain caught up, slipping away from the table quietly.
The hallway was dim, hushed. He pushed the bathroom door open just as Jin was drying his hands.
“Taehyung—” Jin’s voice caught, nervous, already stepping back.
The younger didn’t answer, just closed the door behind him with a soft click. His gaze was sharp, dark, but somehow nervous and hesitant fixed only on him. He moved closer, slow and deliberate, until their breaths mingled in the tight space.
“Taehyung-ah,” Jin tried again, chest rising and falling too fast.

 

Taehyung’s breath was warm against his lips, close enough that Jin could taste the faint trace of the soup lingering from dinner. His lashes trembled as he looked up at him, eyes uncertain,
wide like he was both afraid and desperate.
“Hyung…” His voice cracked, low, almost pleading.
“Can we… just—like before?”

What?-

 

The words hung in the air, fragile and dangerous.
Jin’s chest tightened.
His mind screamed no,
that this was wrong, that it would only lead to more pain, that Hana was just in the other room. But his heart… his heart was already gone, stolen by the boy who stood before him trembling, trying to be bold.
Taehyung’s hand lifted hesitantly, brushing against Jin’s sleeve before pulling back like he’d been burned.

“I just… I want to be close to you.” His whisper was raw, breaking at the edges, and it cut deeper than any confession could

 

Jin shut his eyes for a moment, forcing himself to breathe. Every inch of him ached to pull Taehyung close, to give him what he wanted,
what they wanted. But he also knew, Taehyung thought this was just desire, just secret kisses stolen in the dark.
For him, it was already something far more dangerous.

 

When he opened his eyes again, Taehyung was still there, still waiting, his lips parted in hesitation, hope flickering in his gaze.
Jin’s throat bobbed, words caught somewhere between guilt and longing.
“What about Hana?” His voice was barely above a whisper,

Trembling，

 

Taehyung’s chest ached, but he leaned closer still, his lips hovering just shy of Jin’s, eyes searching his face.
“She doesn’t have to know,” he whispered, softer this time, not cruel, not careless, but aching, vulnerable.

The distance between them was almost nothing now, and Jin’s hand shook where it gripped the sink
He was standing torn between everything he should do and everything he wanted.
And God help him, what his heart wanted was standing right there, eyes wide and burning, lips parted,

Waiting

 

His heart pounded against his ribs,

His stupid heart

Notes:

Love In the Air ✨

I am tired now , will come back later for edit 🥲

Happy Weekend In advance💜

Chapter 16: Set Fire To The Rain

Summary:

He was losing himself, drowning, and yet… he let it happen

Because if this was wrong, it was the only wrong he wanted !

 

 

 

 

 

The mattress dipped under their weight, springs creaking faintly in the quiet house. Jin’s chest heaved, every part of him strung tight as Taehyung pulled him down, lips never leaving his.

 

The younger’s mouth was urgent at first,hungry, teeth grazing, tongue slipping past parted lips with a moan that made Jin’s stomach twist. But then, just as quickly, it slowed, the kisses turning into something different.

 

Softer. Lingering

 

Like Taehyung was tasting him, savoring each press of their mouths as if afraid he’d vanish.

 

Jin had noticed how their kisses is taking another direction now , it will always start heated then slows to an addictive rhythms that both of them can’t resist it   

Jin cupped his face, thumbs brushing over hot skin, and kissed him back, once, twice, deeper the third time until he felt the boy melt beneath him.

 His curls brushed Jin’s cheek, his breath hitching with every kiss, and it was all Jin could do not to lose himself completely.

 

“Hyung…” Taehyung whispered against his lips, voice rough, trembling.

His hands fisted in Jin’s shirt, tugging him closer, sliding down to his waist.

His nails was digging into his skin that he want to hiss from pain , Taehyung shifted under him, legs brushing Jin’s in a way that sent heat rushing low and fast through Jin’s body.

 

Jin groaned quietly, burying his face in Taehyung’s neck for a second just to breathe, to ground himself.

It was their first time kissing while lying down and he felt the younger is pulling him down more trying to kiss up at him at the same time , his wild curls all over the mattress

 

This is dangerous

 

 

Both of them are out of their mind at the moment due to the liquor in their system

The boy smelled faintly of smoke from the grill earlier, of soju, of something achingly familiar that twisted his chest.

But Taehyung tilted his head back, baring his throat

 

whispering again: “Please… don’t stop”

 

And Jin felt his stomach drop

He knew what this was , what it could turn into ,and how dangerous it already was

 

But it was too late to pretend otherwise

 

Everything had begun to slip since that night in the small bathroom,when he kissed the younger to seal the most dangerous agreement of all 
To keep wanting each other in silence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two months ago

 

It was almost dark when Taehyung arrived, the basket of kimchi tucked awkwardly against his hip. He knocked once, then twice, before Jin finally opened the door,

hair a little mussed like he had just showered.

 

“Taetae?” Jin blinked, surprised.

 

“It’s late. You should’ve just told omonim to send it tomorrow.”

“She said it tastes better fresh,” Taehyung mumbled, holding the basket out. His voice was casual,

but his fingers curled tight around the handle, like he wasn’t ready to let go yet.

 

He haven't seen the man for the past two weeks , him being busy with colleague

while the man claiming he was busy with  work

 

Or he was avoiding him , Taehyung wasn’t sure

 

Jin accepted it with a small smile, their hands brushing. Taehyung’s stomach twisted at the touch. He should have left then and said goodnight,

walked away.

But his feet wouldn’t move.

Instead, he lingered on the threshold, eyes darting over Jin’s face, his damp hair sticking to his forehead, the faint scent of soap still clinging to him.

Something about the quiet of the house, the way the night hummed outside, made the space between them feel too charged.

 

He starts to likes theses Kimich delivery nights , and he is intentionally will linger close at his door for more few minutes each time

so he can admire the man freely without other intruder eyes

He will also choose to deliver at night every time so the man will be alone

 

Jin noticed

 

 Of course he did

 

 His grip on the basket tightened, his chest rising a little too quickly.

“it is late..,” he said softly, a warning threaded through his tone.

But Taehyung only stepped in closer.

 Just a fraction,

Enough that Jin’s back touched the edge of the door. His own shoulders brushed the frame, trapped between wood and the man in front of him.

“Hyung…” His voice cracked. He wasn’t even sure what he meant to say

 

why he was here, why he couldn’t let this go already

Jin exhaled sharply, eyes shifting nervously but soft in a way that made Taehyung’s heart ache.

It will always starts like this , as the word “Hyung” is a secretive key word between them

And Jin finds himself dreaming often about the younger whimpering the word in his dreams

 

The silence stretched too long. Taehyung’s hand twitched at his side, then lifted hesitantly, curling in the fabric of Jin’s sleeve. pushing him gently inside the house ,his breath came shallow,

waiting

And then, before either of them could think,

Jin leaned in.

The kiss was sudden, rougher than he meant, but Taehyung melted into it instantly, his back pressing against the door with a soft thud.

The basket wobbled between them until Jin dropped it onto the small entry table, freeing his hands to frame Taehyung’s face.

 

For the whole past two weeks he was keeping his distance , busing himself at work

And whenever Taehyung visit at night to deliver the side dishes Jin will respect the Physical distance although his heart was craving the closeness ,

He  didn’t agreed verbally on the younger suggestion few weeks back that they continue their “secret affair “ behind the doors, but he did kissed him that night

 

And apperatenly that was Taehyung green light

 

And deep down Jin wants to be closer too

 

The younger whimpered into the kiss, relief and longing spilling out all at once, his fingers fisting in Jin’s shirt as though afraid he’d disappear again.

 

Jin’s mouth gentled then, slowing, savoring the warmth he’d missed for too long.

He expected that the younger will protest against the slow kiss but to his surprise

He finds the younger melting under the Kiss body limb against the closed door , his breath un-even

When they finally pulled apart, foreheads pressed together, both of them breathless, neither dared to speak.

 

The air was heavy with everything they hadn’t said and everything they couldn’t.

Taehyung’s lips trembled against his, parting like he wanted more, like he didn’t care about consequences.and Jin’s chest ached at the sight.

He brushed his thumb lightly over the younger’s jaw,

 

torn apart inside

 

Like he was losing a piece of himself , a piece of his heart , in each kiss

But for that moment, just that moment, he let themselves exist like this again.

 

 

 

 

 

Then he starts to feel the shift ....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was supposed to be simple

Just kisses. Just behind the doors, in the dark, away from anyone else’s eyes.

No questions, no promises.

But nothing about it felt simple anymore

Jin had told himself he could handle it. That if he kept his heart out of it, if he treated it like Taehyung wanted desire,  experiments ..nothing more then maybe it wouldn’t destroy him

But then he saw it

They were sitting a little too close that night

Too close to his liking

Taehyung was laughing

Head thrown back, curls bouncing, eyes crinkling like the boy had never known a day of sadness

It was his favourite sight , only if wasn’t for the one beside the boy

The reason for the boy delighted state

 

Minjae

They were all gathering  at the Kim’s house for the Friday night’s feast and he came alone this time as Hana was in Busan for a business trip ,

He shouldn't come

But his longing heart had whispered to him about all possibilities of seeing him

The younger leaned too close, whispering something in Taehyung’s ear that made him giggle, his hand smacking Minjae’s arm in that easy, playful way.

Taehyung didn’t pull back. If anything, he leaned closer.

Jin’s chest tightened, heat clawing up his throat.

He knows that their agreement will not benefit them

It was dangerous

He shouldn’t go back to kiss him again

To promise his heart with something he can’t have

The boy wasn’t his to begin with

But his foolish heart can’t stop

his fists curled tight under the table, nails biting into his palms as he watched.

 

 

Taehyung’s hand brushed Minjae’s sleeve again.

And Jin almost lost it.

 Later, when the crowd thinned and Jin found himself in the back hallway, Taehyung slipped in after him like he always did.

 Eyes sparkling, cheeks flushed from laughing too much.

“Hyung—”

But Jin didn’t let him finish.

He pushed him against the wall, his mouth crashing into Taehyung’s with a force that startled even himself.

The kiss was hot, fierce, teeth clashing, lips bruising.

Didn’t care about being caught

This is dangerous

Taehyung gasped into the kiss, hands flying up to clutch Jin’s shirt, but Jin only kissed him harder, swallowing the sound like it was the only thing keeping him alive.

The younger body was plaint under him ,

 he didn’t whimper , didn’t move

Only surrender

It wasn’t tender this time

It was punishment

Every laugh, every touch Taehyung had given Minjae burned through Jin’s chest, and he poured it all into the kiss.

His fingers dug into Taehyung’s jaw, tilting his face up, claiming him with every press of lips and tongue until the boy whimpered against him.

When he finally pulled back, both of them breathless, Taehyung’s swollen lips parted, ，under the hallway yellow light he can still see his hand print on the younger soft jaw

He felt his heart clenches at the sight

This dangerous

 Confusion flickering in his gaze,Taehyung whispered

“Hyung…” , voice trembling, “are you ok?—”

But Jin couldn’t answer

He just left like that

He couldn’t admit that it wasn’t just jealousy,

It was fear

That somewhere along the way, he’d stopped kissing Taehyung like it was a secret, and started kissing him like he was his.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was supposed to be a simple desire, then why does he feel like his heart is squeezing?

Every time he saw them together, he felt his heart squeeze tighter

He came to deliver his mother’s kimchi as usual, intentionally choosing to come late in the evening so he could have all of his attention

But then he saw them

Jin was standing at his front door, kissing her

His hand was around her waist

Taehyung felt his heart squeeze harder at the sight,

his breath caught in his throat.

Why does it hurt so bad?

And before he could move, the man saw him.

He watched him step away quickly, breaking the kiss and maybe something else too, inside him.

“Oh, Taehyung…” his voice was hoarse, gulping.

Then the woman noticed him

“Oh, Taetae, long time.”

Taehyung couldn’t fail to notice her swollen lips, the smeared lip gloss.

Did you kiss her too?

Then he froze. A fragile memory 

why does the question feel so familiar on his tongue now?

“Ah—hi… I came to bring this,” he said, motioning to the containers in his hand, but his eyes were locked on the nervous man’s.

Sensing the tension, Hana excused herself, but not before planting a quick peck on the man’s lips again, bidding him a quick goodbye before heading to her car.

Why does his heart keep squeezing?

When she left, there was only tense air between them, with neither of them moving.

“It’s cold, come in…”

“I came to bring this… I need to go.” Taehyung felt the hurt bubbling in his chest

He thrusts the containers into his hand forcefully before turning to leave

When he was far enough away, he let the tears fall freely

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  When he saw them again it was a casual evening, everyone gathered again at their house for dinner. The chatter was warm, Hana sitting close beside Jin,

stroking his arm with her hand as she laughed at what his father had said.

 

 This should be the normal by now

 

They were a couple for god sake But Taehyung’s chest tightened at the sight, something ugly twisting inside him.

He excused himself early, muttering about needing air, and slipped into the hallway

 He didn’t expect Jin to follow. But when the door clicked shut softly behind him, the man was there.

“Taehyung-ah—”

 

 

The words didn’t get far

 

Taehyung grabbed his wrist, pulling him into the dimly lit storage room at the end of the hall.

His back hit the door hard, and before Jin could catch his breath, the boy’s lips were on his. Fierce, punishing, desperate.

Jin staggered against him, his hands instinctively holding Taehyung’s shoulders to steady him. The kiss was hot, almost frantic, tasting of anger more than anything.

Taehyung pressed harder, his hands fisting in Jin’s shirt like he was trying to erase Hana’s touch with his own

 

Why do you let her?

 

“Taehyung….” Jin tried again, pulling back just slightly, but the boy chased his lips, whispering against his mouth, voice low and rough.

“Don’t let her touch you like that”

The words punched through Jin’s chest, sharp and possessive. His breath stuttered, torn between fury and ache.

He wanted to demand what Taehyung thought he was doing?, what right he had?

 But then the younger’s mouth was on his again, slower now, lingering, like he couldn’t stop himself even as his brows furrowed in frustration.

Jin’s hands trembled where they cupped his face. He tried to slow him down, tried to turn the kiss tender,

Tried to assure him , that his heart isn’t her’s now

 

But will you accept it ?

 

He felt Taehyung only deepened the kiss , groaning softly into his mouth,

fingers curling tight at his sides

Is different now

It was different this time. Less feverish than before

 

 

Taehyung wasn’t just burning through him with reckless heat, he was clinging, holding, savoring, like he didn’t want to let go.

And Jin felt it

 Felt the shift

When they finally pulled apart, Taehyung’s lips were swollen, his breath ragged, his eyes blazing with something Jin couldn’t name.

Jealousy? Possession? Or something more he himself didn’t understand yet?

Jin swallowed hard, chest twisting painfully. His own heart betrayed him, whispering the truth he didn’t want to hear

That the boy didn’t belong to him

That he wasn’t allowed this

And yet, with every kiss, he couldn’t believe it either

Taehyung leaned his forehead against Jin’s, eyes closing, whispering again, softer this time, almost pleading

“Aren’t you mine too, hyung ?”

And Jin, helpless, aching, already gone, kissed him again
Because even if he couldn’t admit it aloud, in his heart,

 

He was

 

He kissed him again, harder this time, until their mouths moved like they’d done this a thousand times before, until Jin couldn’t tell where the boy ended and he began.

Their tongues brushed, slow and languid, sparking shivers through him

For a long, aching moment, it was just them,hands tangled in hair, breaths ragged, mouths moving gently, desperately. Kissing like they had all the time in the world, like no one else existed.

Jin’s chest ached with every brush of lips, every sigh between them.

He was losing himself, drowning, and yet… he let it happen.

Because if this was wrong, it was the only wrong he wanted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then there is the Chuseok night, the Kim house was glowing with warm lights and laughter that evening.

The air smelled like grilled meat, garlic, and autumn rain

Jin was planing to spend the night with his family in Gwacheon, but Mr.Kim has insisted that he should spend the festival’s night with them

Although the public holiday was for three days , Jin was planing to spend one day at his hometown , so he can back to Seoul for one of his urgent cases at work

 

 

“Hyung , no need to drive all that distance only to spend the night ? ” Namjoon have protested too

 

“We are your family too , Jin-ah” Taehyung’s mother soft voice still linger over their conversation that night

A family he was in love with one of their member

He can hears Mrs. Kim’s voice floated from the kitchen, calling for someone to bring more plates; Mr. Kim was already laughing too loudly at his own stories face flushed with soju.

Namjoon sat beside him, patiently nodding, his cup untouched.

And somewhere in between all that noise, Jin found himself watching Taehyung again.

The younger was in a soft beige sweater, sleeves falling over his hands as he helped his father pour drinks.

 His curls glowed under the hanging lanterns, his cheeks had that faint blush from the heat of the grill and the soju in his cup Every time he smiled,

Jin’s chest tightened painfully.

It had been weeks since Hana left for her trip to Busan. Weeks of hiding between doors,weeks since they were back at it again  . Jin had thought it would be easier without her there ,

fewer eyes to hide from, fewer reasons to feel guilty.

But it wasn’t

If anything, it was worse

Because it has his heart in the middle, every time he finds it hard to pull away

Every time he finds himself lingering , longing for their next kiss

 

Because now there was nothing between them except space , fragile and dangerous  that seemed to pull tighter every time they met , every time their gazes met

Jin tried to focus on the conversation, but his mind was a mess of half-formed thoughts and unspoken feelings.

He caught himself glancing at Taehyung again, watching the way the younger’s lashes fluttered when he laughed, how his lips glistened from the soup, how he looked so effortlessly beautiful under the yellow light

Taehyung must have felt the stare, because he looked up suddenly , their eyes met
And that was it

A second too long

The air between them shifted

Taehyung looked away first, pretending to fix his sleeves, cheeks flaring red

Was he shy ?

 

His baby was shy 

 

He can’t remember when exactly he starts to call him that

Only in his mind though,  

But his chest was already tight

He took a sip of his drink just to distract himself, the bitter taste grounding him for a moment

He shouldn’t be here

Not like this

Not when every time he looked at the boy across the table, all he could think about was the memory of soft lips and whispered “Hyung”

But then Mr. Kim clapped him on the shoulder, pulling him back into the noise, and

Jin forced a smile

 

 He kept eating quietly, listening to the laughter around him, trying not to notice the soft thump under the table ,Taehyung’s foot brushing his by accident.

Only it didn’t feel like an accident

Their eyes met again, briefly

Jin’s throat went dry

The room was full of people, yet it felt like only the two of them existed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The night had stretched longer than anyone planned

The living room was loud again , laughter, clinking glasses, the echo of another round of games.

Even Mr. Kim was laughing, cheeks red from the drink, arguing playfully with Namjoon over who cheated first in the card game

Jin sat on the far couch, laughing softly, a glass of soju in his hand

He should call it a night but he was feeling content and cozy watching the two Kims arguing over the board game

Both are cheaters , anyway

Across from him, Taehyung was half-sprawled on the floor beside them watching too and laughing too loudly at his father’s antics

His hair was a little messy, cheeks flushed pink from alcohol and warmth. Every now and then, Jin would catch him glancing his way , quick, nervous, shy  but enough to make his stomach tighten.

It was harmless to anyone else.

To Jin, it was torture.

 

By the end of the night they were all drunk ,Later, Mr. Kim had retreated to his room with Mrs. Kim, still laughing softly as she scolded him for drinking too much

 

Namjoon was passed out already, head tilted back against the couch, muttering nonsense in his sleep.

The noise faded into a softer hum

The air shifted

Taehyung was sitting on the rug now, back against the coffee table, eyes hazy but still sharp whenever they met his

Jin looked away first

 Always

“I think I should help clean before I go,” Jin said finally, breaking the silence

He has volunteered to wash the dishes, as a way of thanking the family

Or maybe as repaying for the guilt, or to run from a certain pair of eyes

Only to have them again in him

Taehyung’s voice was soft, almost shy   “I’ll help you.”

 

He didn’t wait for an answer

Just stood, collecting the empty plates and cups, his sleeves rolled up clumsily.

Jin followed him to the kitchen, pretending to focus on stacking dishes.

The house was quieter now , the faint sound of rain outside, the ticking of the wall clock.

Only the two of them under the dim yellow kitchen light

The dishes were stacked in the sink, the smell of grilled meat and sesame oil still hanging in the air.  replaced by the quiet hum of the refrigerator and the sound of running water.

“Hyung, I’ll wash,” Taehyung said softly, standing beside him.

 

“It’s fine, I’ll do it,” Jin replied, but the younger was already rolling up his sleeves, brushing past him to grab the sponge.

Their arms touched briefly, a fleeting warmth, but it was enough to make Jin’s heart beat unevenly

This is dangerous

They worked in silence for a while, pretending nothing was strange

 Jin washed, Taehyung rinsed,

Taehyung’s voice broke the quiet, low and hesitant

“You shouldn’t be doing all the cleaning when you’re the guest.”

“I don’t mind,” Jin murmured

 “It feels nice… helping.”

 

He didn’t mean for it to sound like that, but it did , too gentle, too honest.

Taehyung smiled faintly, not looking up.

Their shoulders brushed when they reached for the same plate.

 Neither moved away

The air between them felt thick, heavy, like something alive

But why it looks like they both were waiting for that moment of closeness

The sound of water running was the only thing keeping them grounded. Sometimes their fingers brushed under the stream ,soft, lingering, and careless.

 Each time, theirs breath hitched quietly.

“You should go sleep,” Jin said after a while, voice low.

 “Can’t sleep yet.” Taehyung shook his head, lips curling faintly

He looked up at him then, eyes darker under the kitchen light, lashes heavy, lips slightly parted

“Besides, hyung doesn’t seem sleepy either” His voice softened, almost teasing but shy at the same time

Jin still, holding a damp dish in his hand, trying to act unaffected.

 

I want to kiss you

 

“I just don’t like leaving a mess”

The silence after that felt different. He could feel the younger’s presence beside him  the faint smell of his cologne, the brush of his sleeve, the quiet rhythm of his breathing.

When Jin turned to grab a towel, Taehyung moved too, and their bodies brushed again.

Taehyung didn’t move away this time

“Sorry,” he said quietly, almost shyly. But his eyes didn’t match the word. They lingered searching, wanting.

Jin swallowed, pretending to focus on drying a plate

“It’s okay.” His voice came out rougher than he hoped

 Instead, Taehyung only smiled, that small secret smile that was meant just for him, and went back to rinsing the dishes like nothing happened.

Jin turned away quickly, trying to breathe again, trying to calm his heart that wouldn’t listen anymore.

 

Why he can’t just go?

Why he was still here?

 

 

 

Later, when they had almost finished their task for the night, their hands brushed under the running water as they both reached for the same plate.

Move, he told himself.
But he didn’t.

Then he felt Taehyung’s fingers soft, warm curl gently around his under the water.

Taehyung leaned closer, close enough that their arms touched now, skin brushing through damp sleeves.

“Hyung,” he called again, softer this time.

When Jin turned, the boy was looking at him eyes warm, lashes low, lips slightly parted like he wanted to say something but changed his mind. Instead, he reached out and brushed a bit of foam from Jin’s wrist

A small, meaningless gesture

Yet Jin’s breath caught anyway

His heart was already betraying him.

“Your hands are cold,” Taehyung whispered, voice low, his gaze flicking down to his lips

 

 

Jin felt his heartbeat go wild for the boy standing beside him

He didn’t answer

He didn’t need to

The space between them spoke too much already.

The faint sound of the TV drifted in from the other room, a reminder that they weren’t alone. Still, neither of them moved away.

Taehyung was standing close enough that Jin could feel the warmth radiating from him through the thin fabric of their shirts, and for a second just a second he thought the younger would reach for him again.

Before Jin could react, Taehyung leaned in soft, unsure, but certain enough to steal his breath. His lips brushed his, just a touch, testing, trembling.

He  froze

Then the plate slipped from his hand, falling back into the sink with a dull sound of water and porcelain.

The world went silent except for the hum of rain outside

Taehyung’s lips found his again, surer this time

The angle was awkward, standing side by side like that, shoulders touching but it didn’t matter.

It wasn’t rushed, not like before.

It was slow. Tender. Almost hesitant, as if both were afraid the other might disappear.

Jin’s left hand gripped the edge of the sink for balance, while Taehyung’s fingers remained under the water, still clutching his.

He should stop this

He knew that

 

But the faint taste of soju on Taehyung’s lips, the scent of soap and rain clinging to his skin it made it impossible to breathe, let alone think.

When they finally parted, barely a breath apart, Taehyung whispered, voice trembling

 

 

“Do you want to go to my room?”

 

 

 

 

 

Outside, the rain hadn’t stopped, it fell steady and soft against the windows but Jin couldn’t shake the thought that maybe, somehow, he had already set the fire to it.

Maybe this was the moment everything would burn.

 

Notes:

I hesitate a lot while writing this chapter ,

I am worried how it turned out ?

 

Thank you for reading 💜☘️

Chapter 17: Rainy Days

Summary:

Starin' at my phone, I'm wide awake
Hopin' for your call lately
I've been on my own maybe....
 

Rainy days V -Layover 2023

 

 

 

 

“Do you want to go to my room?”

 

Jin Froze

 

Please don’t

your parents are in the next room

 

But he didn’t answer

 

He barely had time to think before Taehyung tugged at his hand, the warmth of his fingers still damp against his skin. The younger moved fast, quiet but determined, pulling him through the dim hallway that led to his room.

The house was silent except for the faint hum of the rain and Namjoon’s faint snores from the living room.

“Taehyung ……” Jin tried, his voice low,

a warning,

a plea,

he wasn’t sure which

But the boy didn’t turn back. He stopped only when they reached the narrow space before his bedroom door, the soft light spilling out from the living room behind them. His chest was rising fast, his curls falling over his eyes.

He turned then, too close again.

Jin could see everything, the faint flush on his cheeks, the glint of water still clinging to his jaw, the unsteady breath that trembled between them.

And before Jin could say another word, Taehyung pushed him gently back against the wall, the motion quiet but desperate.

His hands rested on Jin’s chest, hesitant for a second, then pressed firmer as if to make sure he wouldn’t leave.

Their eyes met, wide, uncertain, charged with everything they’d been pretending not to feel.

“Taehyung-ah…” Jin’s voice faltered, too soft, too full.

The younger leaned in again, brushing his lips against Jin’s once just a ghost of a touch and then again, deeper this time, trembling.

The kiss was clumsy at first, full of the impatience of someone trying to say too much without words.

 

I Love you

 

Jin’s hand came up instinctively, fingers finding the back of his neck, trying to steady him. He felt Taehyung shiver at the touch, felt him melt a little closer.

The hallway light flickered once, casting their shadows across the wall two shapes tangled in quiet hunger.

The kiss deepened, not rushed, but urgent in its own way.

Taehyung tilted his head, his palm sliding up to Jin’s shoulder, and Jin could taste the faint sweetness of soju still on his tongue.

The door to Taehyung’s room was only an inch away now, his back brushing against it as he kissed him again, slower this time, more tender, almost reverent.

There again that change of their kisses rhythms

 

The doorknob pressed against Jin’s back when Taehyung leaned in again, and before Jin could find the strength to step away, it turned with a soft click.

They stumbled quietly into the dim room.

 

The door clicked shut behind them with a soft sound that seemed to echo too loud in the quiet house.

The room smelled faintly of rain ,fabric softener and Taehyung’s cologne sweet , the window was half open, letting in the cool night air.

The faint city glow spilled in, brushing over Taehyung’s messy bed, his scattered sketchbook, the hoodie Jin had once left behind months ago still hanging over the chair.

 

 

He didn’t remember who moved first, only that their mouths met again, harder this time, breathless. The bedroom wall thudded quietly behind Jin’s shoulder,

Taehyung’s body flush against his.

 

Somehow, between kisses, they stumbled through the room until Jin’s knees hit the edge of the mattress and they fell onto it together, still kissing, still unable to stop

Jin’s hand moved up, cupping his face, thumb brushing against the corner of his mouth.

Taehyung’s lashes fluttered, his breath shaky, his lips chasing the touch.

Their noses brushed, soft and clumsy, before Jin kissed him again slow, deep, lingering, until he felt the boy melt under him.

The air felt too warm, too close, his pulse too loud in his ears.

 

He wanted to stay there forever, suspended in that dangerous, perfect moment.

But then that voice suddenly came back faint, cold, unrelenting:

 

You always take the easy way out, Jin

His heart clenched

 

He pulled back just slightly, breathing hard, eyes searching the boy’s face.

Taehyung’s eyes were half-lidded, dazed and soft, lips parted a picture of innocence and danger all at once

He looked up, whispering, “Hyung… don’t stop."

 

A real man doesn’t chase what he can’t have

 

Jin’s hand trembled where it cupped his jaw

 

Please be Mine

 

He bent down again, pressing a slower kiss against Taehyung’s lips one that wasn’t about fire this time, but surrender.

A kiss that said  "I’m sorry" , and  " I can’t stop" , and "you’ll never know how much this hurts" all at once.

Taehyung sighed softly against his mouth, tilting up into him, their breaths mixing in the quiet dark room.

The storm outside grew heavier, raindrops racing down the window in uneven trails.

He felt Taehyung pushing at his chest stopping their kisses and when he leans away ,

the younger pushes him suddenly on the bed striding him on the bed , before he could protest

Taehyung shifted on his lap, breath hot and uneven, curls brushing against Jin’s cheek as his lips found the curve of his neck instead ,

messy, desperate, uncoordinated.

Jin’s breath hitched. Every touch, every sigh from the younger sent his resolve splintering further.

“Taehyung, stop—” he tried, but it came out hoarse, trembling.

The younger only hummed against his skin before he sit hastily, fingers fumbling at the hem of his own shirt.

Jin’s hands shot up on instinct, catching his wrists before the fabric could rise.

“Baby plea…” the word slipped out before he could stop it, soft, pleading

 

He watched Taehyung froze, breath trembling

 

His lashes fluttered, eyes glassy and confused as he blinked down at him.

And God, he felt his whole chest twist painfully.

 

The boy looked so lost so heartbreakingly young in that moment trembling with everything he didn’t understand

Jin swallowed hard, his hands still wrapped around Taehyung’s wrists, thumbs brushing gently over his skin

 

This was dangerous

 

“Let’s stop here… you need to sleep,” he said quietly, trying not to let his voice shake.

 

God

He could only pray the younger wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning

“Hyung…” Taehyung’s voice was small, protesting, reaching for him again

“Shh, Hyung needs to sleep too” Jin whispered, forcing a small smile

“Sleep well” He leaned forward and pressed a soft peck to the boy’s lips, hoping it would soothe the pout that tugged at them

Please , not those eyes

 

Taehyung looked hurt, eyes clouded with confusion, but after a moment, he shifted aside slow, reluctant, as if afraid that if he moved too fast, he might disappear

Jin did ran away that night

 

 

 

 

 

But sleep never came

Jin gave up somewhere around four, slipping out of the guest room before the first light touched the curtains.

The house was still only the faint sound of rain tapping against the windows, the kind that made everything feel heavier.

He turned on the lamp in his small office

 

The weak yellow light hummed above the stacks of folders and case files scattered across his desk. Old coffee stains,

unopened mails, the faint smell of paper and exhaustion

This was his world now.

His looked at the message again

He had ignored them

He never replied

He needs to reply

 

Father: “your mother told me you are not coming for the holiday ,

Are you still playing lawyer at home? Come back to the firm if you’re serious about your career.”

Jin stared at the screen for a long time before typing a response

Then deleted it.

His jaw tightened. The familiar bitterness rose in his chest the same weight he carried every time his father spoke,

every time he reminded him of what he should have been.

 

He leaned back in his chair, rubbing at his temples. He thought leaving the firm, building his own path, would bring peace.

 

But freedom, he realized now, only brought silence. And loneliness.

The cursor blinked in the empty email draft like it was mocking him.

He sighed, turning his head toward the open door

From where he sat, he could see the living room couch

His hoodie was still draped over it, forgotten from the night he covered Taehyung with it.

Something in his chest tightened painfully

He could still feel the ghost of the boy’s warmth, the press of his hands, the sound of his voice trembling between want and confusion

Maybe he should've stayed there with him in the dark

Maybe he should've let him have what he wants , then he wouldn’t feel this lonely

It was his first time someone wants something from him that he was so willing to give

The boy just wants him ,without thinking about the consequence of that want

But he said he “don’t care””

“Idiot,” he muttered under his breath, it wasn’t anger. It was affection, aching and quiet.

He looked back at the glowing screen, but the words blurred

Work, success, expectations all of it felt so far away now

What terrified him most wasn’t losing everything he’d built

It was how easily he could lose himself, to that boy’s smile, to that dangerous warmth he wasn’t supposed to want.

He supposed to be a failure

But he don’t want to fail him

The sky outside was turning pale gray

He shut the laptop, leaned back, and let out a slow breath

He didn’t sleep that night.

He didn’t even try

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The first thing Taehyung noticed when he opened his eyes was the silence

Just the soft hum of rain still dripping from the eaves.

His head felt heavy, the taste of soju bitter on his tongue.

For a moment, he didn’t move. He only stared at the ceiling, trying to remember how he ended up here.

Then it came , pieces, hazy and scattered.

The warmth of Jin’s hand on his wrist

The low, trembling whisper of “You need to sleep.”

The softest brush of lips that felt too real to be a dream.

His heart jumped so hard it almost hurt. He catch himself blushing

Smiling like an idiot when he thinks about those lips on his again

He pushed himself up, the blanket slipping down to his waist. The air was cold,

but the space beside him still smelled faintly of detergent and something warm

something like the man himself ,

did he came there last night?

On the small table near the bed, there was a glass of water

He didn’t remember putting it there

His throat tightened

“Hyung…?”

His voice was barely a whisper, swallowed by the quiet room.

No one answered.

 

He sat there for a while, running his hand through his tangled hair, trying to piece together what happened.

 

Did he really say something? Did he do something stupid again?

 

God, he hoped not.

The last thing he remember was them celebrating Chuseok , the man was there too

 

 

He reached for his phone on the nightstand.

No new messages.

He opened the chat anyway , the last text from weeks ago, just a simple:

 

“Take care, hyung.”

 

His thumb hovered above the keyboard

He typed:

“Did you get home okay?”Then deleted it.

“Happy Chuseok, Hyung”

Delete

What was he even doing now?

“Are you busy today?”

He stared at it for a full minute before erasing it again.

What would Jin even think if he texted him now?

That he’s too clingy? Too obvious?

 

He sighed, flopping back down on the bed, the phone pressed against his chest.

He could still feel the faint weight of Jin’s palm on his cheek from last night , gentle, careful, like he was afraid Taehyung might break.

“Hyung…” he murmured softly, eyes fluttering shut.

“please don’t ignore me again …”

Downstairs, he could hear his mother moving around in the kitchen, humming.

The world was normal again.

Too normal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The following days after that Chuseok night felt longer than ever

Morning after morning, Taehyung found himself checking his phone before even opening his eyes.

 

No new messages.

He starts to wear that hoodie all the time ,so he can somehow feels the man presence

It still has his faint cologne

Taehyung never washed them

At first, he told himself the man must be busy , maybe with work, maybe with his girlfriend.

Maybe both

But that didn’t stop the ache in his chest every time the screen stayed blank.

He tried to be patient.

He sent small messages again, casual ones. Things that wouldn’t sound too much.

“Did you sleep well, hyung?”

 

No reply

“Hyung , isn't he is cute ?” he send a cute picture he took of Jimin’s dog

A reply came hours later “yeah”

He stared at it too long, feeling something small inside him sink.

 

By the sixth day, he tried again.

“Are you eating well these days?”

No reply

Then another one:

“You’re still not mad at me, right?”

Still nothing

 

Wow he is so desperate now

 

He threw the phone away from him with a frustrated sigh, running his hand through his hair.

What was he even doing?

Why was he waiting like this, checking every few minutes, hoping for something, anything?

He lay back on his bed, staring at the ceiling, his heart racing for no reason at all.

Every time he closed his eyes, it was his face he saw.

That soft, unreadable smile

The warmth of his hands

The way his voice dropped whenever he said his name.

“Should I just… go to his house?” he muttered to himself

Then he sat up immediately, shaking his head.

“No, that’s stupid. He’ll think I’m clingy”

He picked up his phone again.

Opened their chat

Typed “Hyung, are you free tonight?”

Then deleted it

 

I want to see you so bad

 

He hated this

This waiting

This silence

Was Jin avoiding him because of what happened that night?

Because he kissed him ?

Or because of her?

His stomach twisted painfully at the thought

Maybe she’s back from Busan already

Maybe she’s there now.

He turned his phone off and threw it on the bed, pressing his palms over his face.

But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop replaying that night ..

The feel of his lips,

the way he whispered his name,

the way it all felt so real.

Now it was quiet again.

Too quiet.

And the quiet was killing him

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The call ended before Jin could finish his sentence

He stared at the phone still pressed to his ear, the dial tone steady and merciless.

“They’re going with another firm, Mr. Kim. A larger one, with more resources.”

That’s what the client had said.

“Which one?”

“Kim’s holding “

 

He felt his breath almost stopped when he heard that name again

His father’s firm

Now, as the silence stretched inside his small office, the weight of those words began to sink in.

 

He placed the phone down , fist slamming hard on the table feeling the anger bubbles inside him now

He watched in silence how a pen rolled off his desk,

Then a folder,

 

then the coffee cup he hadn’t touched since morning tipped over and spilled across the papers.

He didn’t move.

Just watched it spread dark, slow, staining the edges of his work, the pages he’d stayed up all night preparing.

He just sat there, jaw tight, chest hollow.

The sound of rain tapping the window filled the room.it was another sleepiness night

Yet his father’s voice came back to him, cold and familiar —

 

“Failures don’t come from lack of luck, they come from lack of focus.”

Jin exhaled shakily, pressing his palms over his face.

 

He’d built everything trying to prove his father wrong.

That he could succeed his way quietly, independently.

Without the family firm.

Without their name.

Without their control.

And yet here he was.

Alone in a small office, surrounded by unpaid bills,

and one spilled cup of coffee that somehow said everything.

He stayed like that for a long time

Until the sky outside turned indigo

Until the street lights came on

He have failed again

He didn’t stop his hand when it reached the liquor this time

Then, slowly, he grabbed his keys and left.

He didn’t know where he was going.

He just drove.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sliding down the car window to let Seoul’s cold night air in,

It starts to rain again that night

He was driving around without any specific destination

Until the midnight hours

But when the car finally slowed,

before he knew it, he was parked outside Kim’s house

 

 

He finds himself wanting to see the younger now, he has been ignoring his messages since that night

 

He looked at his last messages

 

“Did you eat dinner, hyung?”

“You’re still not mad at me, right?”

Sent few days ago.

God , if he is mad , he is mad at himself

Then there were a few new others too.

Short ones.

“Are you still working?”

“Don’t forget to sleep early.”

“It’s raining again…”

Sent three hours ago

 

None of them demanding.

Just soft, careful words like the boy was afraid to push too hard,

afraid to break whatever fragile thing still existed between them.

Why He didn’t give up on him already?

Jin sank onto his seat, the quiet wrapping around him, feeling suffocated

He thought of that night ， the boy’s messy curls, his trembling voice,

the way his lips had whispered please like it meant everything.

He ran a hand over his face, torn between exhaustion and longing.

For days, he’d been trying to stay away

To be good. Responsible

To make himself believe that Taehyung would forget about them , about theirs agreement

That this thing between them would fade if he just stopped answering.

 

But it didn’t fade.

 

It only grew.

And now, sitting there in the dark,

He realized how much he missed him

How much he wanted to hear his voice

He unlocked his phone, thumb hovering over the screen

He typed, erased, typed again

Finally, he sent just those words:

 

“You still awake?”

 

 

He stared at it, heartbeat loud in his ears,

It was past midnight

What he is doing now ?

The street was quiet, only for the rain drops sounds heavy on his car’s window

Lights glowing behind familiar windows

He parked for a few moments, fingers tight around the steering wheel,

staring at the faint yellow glow he knew was Taehyung’s room.

He didn’t get out

He set the phone down, but it vibrated almost instantly.

One new message.

“I’m awake”

Then again

“ hyung,... where are you now?”

He hesitated but only for a second

“I am outside “

And only few minutes has passed

Then he heard quiet but hurried footsteps

He looked up , and there he was

Taehyung stood at the gate, hoodie half-zipped, hair tousled like he’d just rolled out of bed.

The soft yellow light from the entrance caught on his face,

on those sleepy, worried eyes that always managed to undo him.

 

Jin stepped out of his car

 

It was raining heavily now, but neither of them seemed to care at that moment.

Why he is here ?

 

“Hyung…” Taehyung’s voice was quiet, breath misting in the cold air.

“What are you doing here?”

Jin tried to speak, but nothing came out. He just shook his head, a helpless, trembling smile pulling at his lips.

Then he blinked, eyes glistening. “I…”

 

I Miss You

 

“Are you okay, hyung?” he could still hear Taehyung’s voice under the sound of the raindrops.

No

He watched the younger step closer, worry written all over his face. Jin must’ve looked miserable, his hair a mess,

his shirt damp, his face glistening with sweat and rain.

He took another uneven breath, trying to collect himself as Taehyung came nearer.

The physical distance between them vanished slowly, until he was close enough for Jin to smell that familiar, comforting scent again.

Without another word, Taehyung’s lean body pressed softly against his. Their noses brushed lightly, sharing the same breath.

Jin’s eyes fluttered shut

The soft lips pressed against his, gentle as a healing balm

And suddenly, he could breathe again.

Please… take me

But ,then those lips pulled away before he could utter the words, leaving him trembling, desperate to beg again.

 

“did you …drink ?” Taehyung’s worried eyes blinked up at him

“Just a bit ..” Jin gulped hard, his voice hoarse

“And you drove like this?” Taehyung scolded softly.

“Sorry…” he whispered, trying to keep the tears back.

 

I’ve failed you

 

But when Taehyung pressed his lips softly against his again,

He let the tears fall anyway

hoping the rain would wash them away.

 

God,

 

He was a mess

Notes:

Thanks for reading 💜

Chapter 18: Cold

Notes:

Warning : This is a raw chapter , maybe will come later for edit 🥲

 

 

 

The rain hadn’t stopped that night.

It fell in steady sheets, soft against the old tiles of the Kim house, wrapping everything in a low, muted hum.

Mrs. Kim stirred in her sleep, something tugging at her senses  a faint sound of hurried steps and closing doors, maybe, or just a mother’s instinct.

She looked at the wall clock it was past midnight already , she then reached for the glass of water beside her bed, then paused.

The hallway light was still on.

Frowning softly, she slipped out of bed, pulling her cardigan close.

She padded closer, quiet, careful not to wake her husband

It wasn’t unusual for Taehyung to stay up late , he often did, lost in music or sketches  but his door was open. A thin sliver of light spilled across the floorboards.

His window was open a little , she can hears the heavy rain outside

Did he forget to close it last night ?

The younger’s bed was still warm when she drew closer , half quilt on the floor like he just leave his bed in hurry ,

“Taehyungie ?”

No response

She checked his bathroom , but he wasn’t there too

She felt the fear criped her heart

Where did he go in the middle of the night ?

She drew closer to the opened window to close it

And then, from the window, she saw it , out in the yard, where the rain shimmered under the dim porch light.

Two figures standing too close, heads bowed together.

Her breath caught.

For a second, she couldn’t move  the image too soft, too tender, too painful.

Taehyung’s hoodie was soaked through, his hands lifted gently toward the man in front of him

 Jin

Her heart clenched, not from shock, but recognition.

A truth she had suspected for months now.

She closed her eyes, pressing a trembling hand against her chest.

“Oh, Taehyungie…” she whispered, voice barely audible over the rain.

She wasn’t angry

Only afraid

 

Afraid because she knew how the world could be  cruel and unforgiving.

Afraid because she knew the elder’s boy world was even harsher

And more than anything, afraid because she had seen that look before  on her own face, years ago  the helpless kind of love that doesn’t ask for permission.

She watched just long enough to see Jin step back, his expression unreadable through the rain. Taehyung reached after him, and the sight broke something small and quiet inside her.

Turning away, she closed the window gently, letting the curtain fall back into place.

Back in her room, she sat on the edge of the bed, unable to sleep

She loved Jin dearly,  he had been like another son to her since they were young

But she loved her child more.

And as the rain kept falling, she prayed , not for the feelings to disappear, but for neither of them to be destroyed by them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It took all of Taehyung’s strength to get the man to his house.

The man was more heavier than he looked, body slumped and unsteady, his weight pressing against Taehyung with every staggered step.

The rain had soaked them both through, and by the time Taehyung finally managed to unlock the door,

Fortunately Taehyung found his front door is un-locked

Jin’s head had dropped against his shoulder, breath coming unevenly.

 

How much he drinks ?

 

“Hyung… come on, we’re almost there,” Taehyung murmured, half dragging, half holding him upright.

Jin only mumbled something incoherent, his voice low, soft, like he was apologizing for something Taehyung couldn’t hear.

They stumbled together in the man  dark-lit living room ,Taehyung was strugling again trying to stable the heavy weight and finds the light button on the wall at the same time ,

and he cheered internally when he saw the soft warm light spread across the small living room

 

The door closed softly behind them.

 

Another obstacle ahead of him

 

He need to get the heavy man to his bed without tripping both of them head first on the floor

But he don’t where is his bedroom, although he came many times before , but He didn’t get the chance to explore the man house  

 

Taehyung just guess that the only big door facing the living room is actually his bedroom

 

And to his own-luck that night , it was   

 

The rain hadn’t stopped, and its sound followed them into the quiet house,steady, rhythmic, almost soothing.

Taehyung’s arm was around his waist, struggling to keep him steady as they made

their way down the hallway. Jin was heavy, his breath warm against Taehyung’s shoulder, his steps uneven.

 

By the time he got him to the bedroom, his arms ached and his heart was pounding.

 

“Almost there, hyung,” Taehyung whispered

 

“Just a little more.”

 

Jin didn’t answer, only hummed something faint and tired that broke halfway through

When Taehyung finally helped him onto the bed, Jin slumped forward, still half-aware, eyes glassy and distant.

 

He needs to get him out of his soaked shirt first, as they were both socked due to the rain , fortunately theirs pants weren’t that affected ,

He needs to get him out of his socked shirt , before he catch a cold , the man was shivering non stop , his face and neck were all red

Taehyung acts fast , he saw a hoodie laying on the couch when they pass over the living room earlier , he went and grab it

Another obstacle , he needs to makes his hyung wearing it

 Taehyung felt his heart beats fast feeling his face getting red for the possibility of seeing his hyung naked chest for the first time

 

 

Focus !

 

 

“Sorry “ he muttered softly for the unconscious man before him , when he was fumbling with the buttons of his soaked shirt and tried to take off his socked shirt ,.

 he draped the warm hoodie over his naked chest , Taehyung was trying to close his eyes or  look away during the whole process , respecting his hyung privacy

Taehyung let a big sigh when the mission was complete, he laid him softly on the bed , draping the soft blanket or the shivering body

 

Jin’s hair was damp, sticking to his forehead. He looked… defeated.

Not only drunk, just lost.

 

Taehyung’s heart clenched.

He had never seen him like this before.

 

It was late , he was half sleep when his phone showing the new upcoming message

He was waiting for his messages all past weeks , therefore when he

received “I am outside ” that night , he couldn’t stop himself when he left his house

In hurry , worried about him

 

But when he saw his hyung’s scattered state , Taehyung felt his heart clenched more for him

 

What he was doing standing there , under the rain in the middle of the night ?

The man was drinking before he drove to his house , Tahyung can taste it on his mouth too

Was his hyung always this reckless ?

 

Taehyung doesn’t fully understand why he felt the argue to kiss  him that night ,

As if he wants to sooth him ,take whatever bothering him away

But then he felt the man heavy body leaning on him more , breath got un-even

Before his head land softly on his shoulder

 

 

 

 

He watched him sleeping silently for a few minutes  

 

“Why are you like this?” Taehyung whispered, voice cracking.

“What happened, hyung?”

Jin didn’t respond. His head lolled slightly to the side, eyes half-open, unfocused. His skin was pale, lips faintly trembling.

 

“Hyung…”

 

No response again

 

Taehyung removed Jin’s damp hair softly from his forehead, that when he felt it ,

 

He was burning up

 

Panic fluttered in his chest

He rushed to find a towel, found it in the attached bathroom , gently drying the man’s hair, then brought a bowl of warm water from the same bathroom.

The quiet room filled with small sounds, the soft clink of the bowl, the faint rustle of fabric as Taehyung wrung out the towel. He wiped the rain and sweat from his face carefully,

afraid of waking him, his movements tender, almost reverent.

 

Jin stirred once, eyes blinking open halfway.

 

“Tae…?” His voice was faint, hoarse from fever.

 

“Shh, don’t talk. You’ve got a fever,” Taehyung said softly, pressing the towel over his forehead.

Jin smiled faintly, dazed, his gaze lingering on Taehyung’s face.He looks like he was raving in his feverish dreams

“You’re here…” voice hoarse from the cold

 

“I am,” Taehyung whispered back, the words catching in his throat.

“Just sleep, okay?”

 

His heart was beating fast at the sight ,It was his first time to see this soft side of him

 

He sat there beside the bed, wiping Jin’s damp hands, smoothing his hair back each time he moved restlessly. The man looked different like this unguarded, gentle,

his usual restraint melted into something almost boyish. Silence settled again soft, fragile. The fever had painted a faint flush across Jin’s cheeks, his lips parted slightly, breathing shallow.

 

Every few minutes, he turned his head restlessly, murmuring things Taehyung couldn’t quite catch half-formed words, maybe names, maybe apologies.

Taehyung watched his chest rise and fall, his lashes fluttering against flushed cheeks.

 

He stayed by his side until the fever eased a little, changing the towel every now and then. Eventually Jin  finally drifted into a restless sleep, his fever easing a little.

The house was quiet except for the faint sound of rain tapping against the windows.

 

Taehyung sat for a moment longer beside him, watching the slow rise and fall of his chest before quietly standing up.

 His legs felt heavy.

He wanted to do something anything to help.

 

 

He took out his phone, searching clumsily, fingers still damp from the towel.

“Warm tea for fever,” he muttered to himself. The screen’s glow reflected on his face in the dim light.

He scrolled through a few results ginger, honey, lemon but realized he didn’t even know if the man had any of those things at home.

When he stepped out to check the kitchen, the man space was so tidy and clean , organized

 

Taehyung felt the shame when he remembered his messy room then

 

He passed by the small office at the end of the hallway.

The door was half open

He hesitated, then peeked in

The room was dim, lit only by the flickering desk lamp still on. He remembered that office desk it was the one they choose together

How come he never visit the man’s office before ? he had came many time after that

Because you was busy kissing him every-time you are here -his brain whispered

He felt himself blushing at the memory

 

There  were papers scattered across the desk and on the floor, a coffee mug tipped over, a brown stain bleeding into old files.

Taehyung frowned softly. He could almost imagine him here, tired, frustrated, working late into the night.

Is this why his hyung was upset earlier ?

Because of work ?

Taehyung thought it was because of her

He thought he was ignoring him all theses days because she was there

 

 

 

The air smelled faintly of coffee and rain.

Something about it made his chest ache.

He stepped closer, trying to tidy up a little, placed the scattered papers and files on the disk ,

but then his eyes caught on a small photo frame lying face down near the edge of one of the wall shelf ,He picked it up carefully.

 heart beats beating fast when he saw it

 

It was an old photograph faded, worn at the corners.

 

In it, there is his brother standing so close to a much younger boy looked like Jin himself smiled awkwardly at the camera,

his arm around a small boy who was grinning so brightly,boxy smile on full blown , his eyes were nearly closed.

They were standing in front of what looked like a small park, the sun spilling golden across their faces.

Taehyung’s breath hitched.

 

The boy looked familiar too familiar

 

It was him !

 

Why he is seeing this for the first time ?

 

He felt something stir deep inside him, like a thread pulling at the back of his mind.

 

For a moment, the air seemed to shift, filled with the echo of a faint sound，laughter?

 

“Taetae....” A voice calling his name?

Then it was gone

 

He blinked hard, frowning

 

Why did his chest feels tight?

He traced his thumb gently over the glass, over the image of the boy’s small hand holding onto Jin’s.

A strange, unplaceable warmth spread through him.

 

Something about that hand, the way it clung, the way Jin smiled at the little boy felt too real to be just a photograph.

 

“Taehyung-ah was so clingy to Hyung that time “ he just remembered his brother words from that gathering night , few months back

 

He set it back carefully, staring for another second before turning off the lamp.

 

He still can’t understand why he can’t remember anything from his childhood where

The man was still  there

 

Only pieces ...

 

Minor memories , ...uncoordinated

Scattered

 

As he stepped back into the hallway, he glanced toward the bedroom again.

Jin was still asleep, the blanket rising and falling with his breathing.

Taehyung’s throat tightened.

He didn’t understand it, not the ache in his chest, not the flicker of that memory he couldn’t name.

When he came back to the kitchen, the rain had softened outside, the faint sound of it washing through the quiet house.

 

Taehyung searched the cupboards, trying not to make noise.

Truthfully , he never been a kitchen’s man

 He cheered internally again when he found a small tin of ginger, a half-full jar of honey, then he looks for a clean mug.

He set the kettle on the stove and leaned against the counter, rubbing at his tired eyes while it boiled.

Every few seconds, he’d glance toward the hallway, half-expecting the man to wake up,

half-hoping he wouldn’t.

When the whistle broke the silence, he poured the water carefully, stirring the honey until it melted. The faint sweetness drifted up with the steam.

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the time he returned to the bedroom,Jin was still asleep, a faint crease between his brows, his skin pale and damp with fever.

Taehyung set the mug down on the nightstand and crouched beside him.

“Hyung,” he called softly.

“Wake up a little… you need to drink this.”

At first, Jin didn’t move. Then when he tried again loudly ,he stirred, brow twitching, eyes opening slowly heavy with exhaustion and confusion.

“...Tae?” his voice was rough, barely there.

“Yeah, it’s me.” Taehyung smiled, small and careful.

 “Drink this, please. It’ll help with the fever.”

He slipped an arm behind Jin’s shoulders, helping him sit up a little.

He can still feels his body heat over the damp hoodie

Jin blinked at him, still dazed, hair messy and falling into his eyes.

Their faces were too close, close enough that Taehyung could feel the warmth of his breath against his cheek.

Jin’s eyes flicked to the mug, then back to him, still looking half sleep

“why did you…”

“Shh,” Taehyung cut him off softly, bringing the cup to his lips.

 “Just drink, hyung.”

He then obeyed, slow sips at first, his hands trembling faintly as Taehyung steadied the mug

 

Later Jin leaned back slowly, letting out a shaky breath.Taehyung was watching his half-lidded eyes, the way his fingers relaxed over the blanket.

When he drifted again, Taehyung pulled the covers higher, making sure his chest was warm.

 

He sat beside him on the other side of the bed for a while, just listening to his breathing steady out.

And as Taehyung traced his gaze over Jin’s face  the lines of fatigue softening in sleep  his chest ached

 

He grab his warm hands in his , intertwining their fingers tenderly

 He watched Jin’s breathing finally steadied after that , his expression relaxing into something peaceful.

 

Taehyung leaned back, exhaustion washing over him. He set the towel aside and rested his head on the bed headboard, still holding Jin’s hand in his.

For a long time, he just watched their intertwined fingers, the way Jin’s thumb twitched every now and then like he was dreaming.

Something warm bloomed quietly in his chest something he couldn’t name yet.

 

He thought it was relief

Maybe it was more

He didn’t realize how long he sat there, watching him

 

The night deepened; the rain eased into a drizzle

 

But for the first time that night, he whispered softly to the sleeping man:

 

“Goodnight, hyung.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He was running through the dark ，barefoot, the ground wet and cold beneath him.

“Taetae!” he was shouting, voice raw, breaking.

The echo had bounced between the trees, swallowed by the sound of water and wind.

He could still hear it , that small voice crying somewhere far ahead, trembling and scared.

He kept running, calling again and again until his chest burned.

And then

He found him

 

A tiny figure crouched on the muddy ground, shoulders shaking, rain plastering dark hair to his face.

The boy had looked up at him, eyes wide and tear-streaked  and Jin felt his own heart had nearly stopped.

“Seokjin Hyuuug...”

Then everything went white.

He gasped, eyes flying open

 

 

 

 

Jin woke to the sound of soft rain still whispering outside. His hoodie drenched with sweat  ,His head was heavy, his throat sore,

the kind of dull ache that came after too many sleepless nights and too much liquor.

 

This is his room

For a few seconds, he didn’t move  just lay there, staring at the faint light filtering through the curtains.

How did he get here ?

Last thing he remember he was in his office

The room smelled faintly of honey and something softer.

 

Warm. Familiar

 

 Why those dreams has back again ?

Closing his eyes

 

He turned his head slightly… and froze.

 

There, curled beside him, half under his blanket, was him.

 

Taehyung ?

His curls were a wild mess against the pillow, his face relaxed and peaceful, lips parted slightly in sleep.

 he still dreaming ..

 

There is some soft weight on his forehead  

A towel ?

Was he sick ?

 

Then he felt the soft weight on his hand

For a moment, Jin couldn’t breathe.

This is too real to be a dream , his body heat and his throat’s pain is too real to be a dream

His heart gave a small, traitorous flutter  that quiet, helpless kind that made his throat tighten.

Taehyung was leaning on his arm where his fingers were still intertwined with his ,

a loose, sleepy drape. Their legs were almost tangled under the blanket, like they had fallen asleep mid-conversation.

 

 

What he is doing here?

 

Jin tried to search his hazy mind , it came only in shape of  puzzles

He was in his office , it was heavy raining , he drank

 

Then nothing

 

He should move

He should wake him, But he didn’t.

Instead, Jin just lay there, watching the steady rise and fall of the younger’s chest.

The warmth between them seeped into his skin, melting the feverish cold that had clung to him since last night.

 

He lifted a hand hesitantly, brushing a stray curl away from Taehyung’s forehead.
The boy murmured something incoherent in his sleep, brows twitching, before relaxing again.

 

 how did he get here ?

 

Was he the one who take care of him last night ?

 

His baby took care of him

 

Jin smiled  small, tired, but real.

 

How could something so simple hurt this much?

 

To wake up like this, with him  to feel warmth that wasn’t meant to last.

He swallowed, throat aching not just from the cold.

If he could freeze this moment, he would.

But the sun was rising already, soft gold creeping across the floor, and soon this would fade too , the same way every quiet moment between them had to.

Jin let his eyes close again for a second, breathing in the faint scent of Taehyung’s shampoo.

 

Maybe he was still in his feverish dreams

 

He didn’t know how long he lay like that, listening to the rain, before whispering quietly, almost to himself,

 

“Stay a little longer, Tae-ah…

 

just a little.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung woke up to the smell of something cooking , warm, buttery, mixed with the faint scent of coffee.

For a few seconds, his brain was foggy.

The blanket was heavier than usual. The pillow softer. The bed… not his.

He blinked at the sunlight peeking through the curtains, then turned his head , and froze.

 

The other side of the bed was empty

 

Last night came back in a blur , Jin drenched in the rain, his feverish skin, the tea he made, sitting by his bedside until his breathing evened out…

 

Oh god

 

He sat up quickly, hair a mess, his hoodie hanging loose on one shoulder.

He wasn’t supposed to fall asleep here.

When he stepped out of the bedroom, the smell grew stronger , eggs, toasted bread, maybe porridge too.

And there he was.

He is standing in front of the stove, hair still damp, wearing a loose gray sweatshirt and sweatpants that hung a little too low on his hips.

He looked pale, eyes tired, but his shoulders were moving with quiet energy as he stirred something in the pan.

 

Why the sight is too familiar now ?

 

“You’re awake,” Jin said, without turning around, voice rough and hoarse still because of cold,

 

“did you sleep well ?”

 

 

 

Taehyung rubbed his neck awkwardly, walking closer

 

 “I… you were burning up last night. I thought I should stay.”

 

“I know,” Jin murmured, finally glancing back at him with a faint smile

 

“Thanks for that.”

Then he turned back to the stove, pretending not to notice how his heart sped up just having Taehyung in his kitchen like this.

 

Taehyung frowned, stepping closer    “You shouldn’t be up, hyung. You still look pale.”

“I’m fine,” Jin said, waving the spatula lazily.

“Fever’s gone. I just needed coffee.”

“Liar.”

Jin chuckled softly, but didn’t argue

 

Taehyung sighed, closing the distance between them. He reached up and pressed the back of his hand against his forehead.

The touch was gentle, lingering longer than it should.

 

Jin felt his heart beats aching because of the touch

 
Taehyung’s brows knit instantly

 

“Still warm.” His voice dropped, softer

 

 “Why are you pretending to be okay"

 

Jin didn’t move, eyes focused somewhere on the counter, afraid if he looked up, Taehyung would see too much.

 

Would see his heart

 

He was amazed how their conversation flows naturally now

 

They never spoke this much to each other before

 

And his greedy heart wants more now

 

 

 

 

 

By the time they finished eating,The small kitchen smelled like toast and coffee.

Jin watched from the couch, the warmth from the tea in his hand barely matching the quiet warmth unfurling in his chest.

Taehyung looked too at home here , his hoodie loose, hair falling into his eyes, moving around the kitchen like it was his.

Jin didn’t mean to smile, but he did.

 

“Don’t move,” the younger had said sternly, pointing the spatula at him earlier.

Now, he was busy cleaning the dishes, sleeves rolled up,

When he finished, he wiped his hands on a towel and turned toward him, eyes narrowing.

 

“You should really be lying down, hyung.”

 

“I’m fine,” Jin said , and winced when his voice cracked slightly.

 

Taehyung walked over and crouched in front of him, close enough that Jin could see the faint freckles under his eyes

“You are still warm,” Taehyung murmured, touching his forehead again, his palm lingering more  this time

 

Jin felt like a little kid again, enjoying the younger’s fussing over him

 

“I can’t rest with you fussing around,” Jin tried to tease, voice quiet

 

“Then close your eyes,” Taehyung said, the corners of his lips twitching up

 

“I’ll stop fussing.”

 

Taehyung  reached for the blanket, tucking it around his shoulders properly.

 

Closing his eyes

 

Yeah , he is heart must become greedy now

 

 

 

 

 

 

They didn’t see each other again until a few days later , when he went to  have dinner with the Kims again , his cold gotten better now

The younger has send messages to check on him through the past days , and Jin couldn’t stop himself from replaying this time

 

Couldn’t stop his heart greed

 

And when Namjoon checked earlier on him and found he was sick he insist that he should came for dinner this Friday after he got his health back  

The  house was warm that evening, the smell of stew filling the air

 

when Jin stepped inside, he came alone again as Hana still was away for her business trip

And Jin finds himself fine with their distance

Again, he don’t want to think of reasons to his feelings

 

He bowed politely to Taehyung’s parent before taking his regular seat beside Namjoon.

Dinner had already started. Chopsticks clicked, bowls passed, the usual quiet chatter.

But Jin’s eyes searched for him anyway.

 

 

Taehyung came later wrapped in his thick sweater, his face pale under the soft light.

He tried to smile when their eyes met, but then

Cough

He covered his mouth quickly, looking embarrassed.

“Aigoo, you’re still coughing?” Mrs. Kim frowned, reaching over to pat his back.

“Just a little cold, eomma,” Taehyung said, his voice scratchy

 

Namjoon glanced between them with a teasing grin

 “Guess the cold went from Jin-hyung to Taehyung now.”

 

Jin froze mid-bite, the spoon in his hand clinking softly against the bowl.

Mr. Kim chuckled. “This weather’s unforgiving now. You both should dress warmer.”

Jin gave a small, awkward smile. “Yes, Aboji”

But his gaze flicked back to the boy, to the way Taehyung rubbed his chest quietly, hiding another cough behind his sleeve.

 

 His cold looks worse than his

 

Mrs. Kim didn’t say anything more. She just watched the brief exchange, the way Jin’s eyes lingered, worried and soft, 

and the way Taehyung quickly looked away, pretending to focus on his soup.

 

The conversation moved on, but the air between them stayed still, thick with unspoken things only the two of them could feel.

 

 

 

 

Later when dinner ended quietly that night.Mr. Kim went to his room after a long day, and Namjoon followed soon after,

 

still teasing Taehyung to drink warm water before sleep. Taehyung has disapered to his room later

 

He must feel tired because of his sickness

 

Jin felt his heart clinches at the thought

 

He feels more guilty now

It was his fault

He wants to check on him but when he left after the dinner , he couldn’t follow

 

 

 

Jin lingers  to help with the dishes with Mr.s Kim later, but when they are finished and he bids Mrs.Kim a “good night ” and was ready to leave ,  he felt a soft tug on his sleeve.

 

He turned

Taehyung was there, eyes a little red from the cold, his fingers curling around Jin’s wrist

“Come here for a second,” he murmured, voice low and rough.

 

They were standing alone on the main entrance hallway  , Mrs.Kim already retired to her room

 

Before Jin could say anything, the younger pulled him gently toward the back of the house, to the small storage room beside the kitchen.

The door closed behind them with a quiet click.

 

It was dim inside, the faint scent of dried herbs and rice sacks filling the air.

Taehyung leaned back against the shelf, looking up at him with that same dazed, feverish expression.

His nose was pink, his hair messy, his voice soft but hoarse when he spoke.

“Hyung… you gave me your cold.”

 

Jin’s chest clenched. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, reaching out instinctively to touch his forehead.

 “Do you still feel sick? ..Are you cold?”

 

Taehyung’s eyes fluttered shut under his touch, humming at the warmth of Jin’s palm brushing against his skin.

When he opened them again, his voice was barely a whisper.

 

“My lips are colder”

 

He froze

The words lingered between them half a confession, half a plea.

His hand slipped down from Taehyung’s forehead, trembling slightly as their eyes met in the faint light.

The silence stretched, heavy and fragile

Then Taehyung took a small step closer, his breath shallow, trembling.

“Can you… warm them, hyung?” he murmured

 

The boy was teasing him

 

Jin’s heart stuttered, torn between reason and that familiar, dangerous pull.

But before he could think he leaned in, closing the distance, his lips brushing softly against the younger’s chilled ones.

 

It wasn’t a hungry kiss this time.

 

Just warmth shared in the quiet, 

 

 

 

And in that moment Taehyung realized not only his lips were cold ,

 

 

 

His heart was too

 

 

Notes:

Hi :)

 

I think I am becoming greedy with them too for this story😅😂

 

I have ready plots for the upcoming two chapters ,

pray for me that I will not change my mind at the last moment 😭🥲

I hope you enjoyed reading this story 💜

Chapter 19: Paradise

Summary:

And between the boy’s lips and the liquor, he found his only kind of peace

 

A false, fragile paradise.

Notes:

And I know you're shining down on me from heaven

(One Sweet Day- Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey )

 

 

 

 

 

 

 It started to feel like he was living two lives

The one everyone could see , and the one only him and Taehyung knew.

By day, He worked, smiled, answered work calls, listened to Hana talk about her work, friends and projects,

By night he went to dinners with her where everything looked normal.

He laughed when he needed to.

He nodded when he was supposed to

He even reached for her hand sometimes.to just ground himself

But every time she leaned in to kiss him, his breath would falter and when he finally gave in, closing his eyes,

he can only see him

Taehyung’s mouth

he can only hears him

Taehyung’s voice

That small, familiar gasp that made his world go quiet.his mind rest

The taste of soju and that night’s rain.The smell of soap, sweet shampoo and detergent still lingered in his memory like something he couldn’t wash off.

He stopped trying to

Because in the end, it was the only thing that made him feel alive.

 

Between the boy’s lips and the liquor, he found his only kind of peace

 

A false, fragile paradise.

 

He’d tell himself he will ignore his heart, not anymore, that he will treated it as a habit,

 

A bad habbit ,

 

like his smoking and drinking habit

A comfort his body craved

But then Taehyung would look at him

really look at him

 

From a far

 

Because they never talk to each other  in public

And everything would collapse again.

And his heart will starts to become greedy again

He was losing himself slowly, quietly,

behind closed doors,

in stolen breaths and trembling touches.

And every time he left Taehyung’s room, he told himself,

 

 

This will be the last time.

 

It never was.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been two months now , they were still kissing in the shadows ,

in every corner when no one is looking ,gradually Jin noticed the change ,their messages changed ,softer somehow, more frequent.

They didn’t talk about what happened.

 

Never

 

Not the kisses, not the fever, not the things that still lingered between them in the quiet.

But something had shifted

He had noticed

Now, his replies came faster

Not always long, but warmer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“What are you doing now ? hyung “  the boy have sent before

 

“working “

 

“you don’t get bored from working all the time ”

 

 

Don’t have other things to do

 

 

 

“Hyung , look I found him in our neighbourhood  

He looked like he was lost :(, I took him to the police station ,isn’t he cute “

 

Attached a photo of  a cute puppy

 

Taehyung really love puppies ,he realized

But You are more cuter  -He wants to say

 

 

Sometimes even late at night

 

“ Sorry just saw your messages , are you still awake ?”

 

Wow he is apologizing now too

 

“hmmm” came Taehyung reply after two minutes only

 

 

“can’t sleep ”

 

Why ?

It’s almost 2 Am !!

Was he still sick?,..

 

“ I have an exam tomorrow 😭, I need to stuuuuudy :(”

 

 

 

“good luck “

 

Why he is so boring? , the younger was sharing his day updates with him

 

but he couldn’t offer any lonnger or funnier replies ?

 

He wasn’t familiar with using emojies with him too

 

He was a mess

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He isn't seeing him often now after hana was back from her business trip ,

he got busy with his work again  and also the younger was apparently has a difficult time because of his exams ,

So Jin was hanging by a thread (those short exchange messages between them) for his life . when he didn’t receive them he will go for the liquor ,

then he will be reading and rereading their past messages again and again  until the new ones will come

 

 

He felt himself going back to be a teenager again , foresting his first crush

 

Always anxiously waiting  for the younger’s message notification ,   he has back to track his Instagram account ,

moniterig , analyzing every move of his

 

He saw him post a story before , Taehyung took a selfie of his boyish handsome face , hair a mess like he was just woke up , complaining about his under eyes bags

 

You are still beautiful though  

 

 And with every passing day ,he felt his longing is doubling

 

He wants to see the younger boy so bad

 

It looks like he was the only one between them was affected by this physical distance ,

The boy looked like he forgot their agreement

He isn’t coming to deliver that  Kimich recently

And Jin finds himself wants to go to the Kim house and complain about his empty fridge

He knew Taehyung was busy with his exams now , but he can’t stop his selfish heart at the same time

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hyung , are you asleep?”

 

 

He felt his heart resume his beating again when he got Taehyung’s late message

Jin was working late that day , with one glass to keep his company as usual  ,

Taehyung didn’t message him for two weeks now and Jin felt himself going crazy waiting for their next message but he couldn’t dare to send them first

He hesitated , he should wait a bit and reply

 

Make it causal , like he wasn’t waiting for the whole two weeks for those messages

 

“almost.. “

Liar

Then silence

When he felt the  silence stretched for more than 30 seconds , he got panicked ,the boy may think that he doesn’t want to talk, or he had disturbed him  Therefore he add an awkward:

 

“you ?”

 

 

He groans internally at his stupid and awkward  actions  

 

Great

 

Taehyung  will really think he is a boring person now

 

He should talks more , but what he should say ? , “I Missed you “

“Where  did you disappear last week's ?“..

”Why you're not messaging me anymore ?”

 

They never had conversations longer than four or five lines.
He wasn’t a talkative person to begin with but lately, he found himself wanting to talk.

He caught himself getting anxious while waiting for the younger’s reply.

Then his phone buzzed. A new message.

Taehyung had sent a photo.

 

“Practicing for my final exam tomorrow 😵‍💫”

 

This late?

 

It was a photo of a plain canvas. The background looked like the art studio on Taehyung’s campus.

He’d mentioned before in one of his messages that he’d been spending a lot of time there lately, preparing for his upcoming exams.

Jin had never seen Taehyung’s paintings before — only the scattered sketchbooks and tools lying around his room that night.

He typed back:

 

 “But you need to sleep too.”

 

“It’s late”

 

Was he planning to sleep there?

How was he going to make it home this late?

It had been raining earlier

 

But Taehyung didn’t reply

 

And Jin felt his chest tighten — anxious at the thought of the younger spending the night alone in that quiet studio.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The studio was quiet except for the soft hum of rain tapping against the window,smelled faintly of turpentine and cold air  .

 

The windows cracked open to let in the cold evening air. Half-finished canvases leaned against the wall, the floor cluttered with brushes, sketch pads, and the mess of Taehyung’s restless creativity.

The studio was empty except for him  barefoot, shirt sleeves rolled up, moonlight and outside’s road lam  post light spilling across the floor.

 

Taehyung stood by the mirror, focused, mouthing his lines, one hand pushing his curls from his forehead.His hair had grown more longer now, curling slightly at the ends, damp with sweat.

He looked tired but glowing, alive in a way Jin hadn’t seen in weeks.

 

Something in Jin’s chest twisted painfully.

 

He didn’t notice him at first, too caught in his world , that strange mix of confidence and innocence that always made Jin’s heart ache.

Jin didn’t move. just stood there, watching quietly from the doorway, his chest tightening with every second. 

There is a smudge of yellow on Taehyung’s cheek,  his loose shirt sleeves are rolled-up   , the faint streak of blue is still on his fingers.

He looked like chaos. Beautiful, living chaos.

And Jin, who had been holding himself together for weeks, felt something inside him unravel.

 

 

He looked… older somehow.

More beautiful

More out of reach

Ans Jin wasn’t sure what hurt more , missing him all this time, or finally seeing him again.

 

 

 

Taehyung turned at last, startled.

“Hyung?”

 

His voice echoed softly in the empty studio , surprised, breathless, almost disbelieving.

Jin froze for a heartbeat, caught by those wide eyes, by the faint sheen of sweat on Taehyung’s temple, by the way his chest rose and fell too fast.

He looked younger and older all at once his curls damp, shirt clinging to his collarbones, a silver earring glinting by his neck.

 

“What are you doing here?” Taehyung asked, voice low, careful , but his lips were already trembling with a smile he couldn’t hide.

 

“I was… passing by,” Jin said, and it was a lie even his own voice couldn’t carry.

 

Taehyung took a slow step closer, his barefoot soft against the wooden floor.

“you said you are about to sleep ”

 

The word came out barely above a whisper.but Jin can still see the soft smirk on that handsome face

 

“you missed me that much  ?” Taehyung’s lips curved faintly, teasing ,but Jin can sense the heat in his eyes betrayed how much he wanted this too

Yeah

 

“I shouldn’t have come,” he murmured looking around feeling his ears getting red,  

 

“But you did.”

 

That Brat

 

God, he missed him

He took a step closer before he could stop himself.

“You’ve grown your hair,” Jin murmured softly, reaching up. His fingers brushed through the curls, pushing them from Taehyung’s face.

Taehyung’s breath hitched

 

“yeah ..” he was looking at him from under those longlashes

 

That was all it took

 

A step, then another , and suddenly he was there, too close, his hand reaching before his mind could stop him, fingers brushing against the paint on the younger’s  jaw.

“and you’ve got something here…” he muttered. His thumb came away streaked with green.

 

God, why he can’t control his body anymore

 

Taehyung smiled faintly pressing closer to the touch , breath catching, before his eyes moved to look at his lips  

“hmm “ the younger just hummed as an answer , eyes never leaving his lips

 

Jin’s heart tripped. He didn’t know who moved first , maybe both at once , but then their lips met.

The first touch of their lips was hesitant, almost questioning,testing the water

 

 

Then it started to be clumsy, hastily ,desperate. Jin’s hand found the back of Taehyung’s neck, pulling him closer.

Taehyung gasped softly ,then they stumbled,Their noses bumped,Taehyung giggled softly against his mouth, his hand gripping Jin’s shirt to steady himself

 

“Careful…” he started, but the rest of his words were swallowed when Taehyung’s mouth found his again.

 

The kiss deepened , messy, desperate, teeth grazing, lips parting to breathe each other in.

Taehyung tasted faintly of something like coffee and paint;

 

Then something broke.

 

Two weeks of restraint and silence came pouring out all at once , the ache he felt, the missing…,

 

They stumbled again ,their feet catching on the corner of a canvas.

Jin’s hand shot out to catch him  by the waist, steadying him, but instead they both went down in a quick, tangled fall  half on the mat, half over each other.

 

“God” Jin gasped, bracing his hand to steady  Taehyung’s laying body on his

 

“You you’re going to break my ribs.”

 

Taehyung just laughed, the sound breathless and bright. His curls fell over his eyes, his smile wide and unguarded.

Jin felt his heart expand when he realized it was directed to him this time

 

Not others

 

  “You started it , hyung.”

 

Jin couldn’t help it , he chuckled too, embarassed

 

The sound breaking through the thick tension that had followed him for weeks. Then Taehyung’s fingers brushed his cheek,

smearing a streak of red paint there.

 

“Now you match me,” he whispered, grinning.

 

Jin didn’t answer he just  dipped his head ,to print a soft kiss on those lips again

He felt Taehyung sigh in the soft kiss closing his eyes  , placing his hands softly on his chest ,

They resume their kisses again , this time more softer , tender that Jin felt his heart melted with it

 

It was different now

Slower. Warmer

Not the hungry, reckless kind they used to steal in dark corners , 

this one lingered, like both of them were afraid of what would happen when it ended.

 

“Is this my good luck kiss ?”

Taehyung’s whispered in his mouth , paint-stained fingers traced his jaw, his neck, curling in his hair. The faint scent of turpentine mixed with the warmth of skin and breath.

Every brush of lips felt like a confession neither dared to say out loud.

 

He didn’t answer , he let his lips to talk instead

 

When they finally broke apart, both of them were breathing hard, cheeks flushed. Jin’s face was streaked with red and blue paint now,

Taehyung’s with a smudge of green across his nose.

 

They looked at each other ,a mess of color, breathless laughter erupt from their mouths again , quiet ache

 

 

 

“Let’s get you home ”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The rain had eased into a drizzle by the time they left the studio.

The city lights blurred across the windshield, gold and blue melting into the wet glass. The heater hummed softly, and neither of them spoke.

Taehyung sat beside him, hoodie pulled up, hair still damp from the drizzle.

His fingers played absently with the edge of his sleeve, but Jin could feel his gaze flicker toward him now and then ,

small, quiet glances that made his chest tighten all over again.

 

Jin’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel

 

 

He wants to talk , to starts a conversation , but he can’t find any words to begin with

Why it is so awkward when they are not kissing ?

 

Maybe He shouldn’t have come

He shouldn’t have kissed him again,

 

Because now he is close, he wants to keep kissing him

He  still want to reach across the seat just to hold his hand.

 

Every red light felt like a lifetime , the soft hum of Taehyung’s breathing, the faint scent of paint and rain lingering between them.

When they finally pulled up in front of the Kim house, neither moved.

 

The headlights washed faintly over the wet gate, the familiar garden path glistening under streetlight.

“Thanks for dropping me, hyung,” Taehyung said quietly, unbuckling his seatbelt. His voice was softer now, a little shy, the kind of tone that undid Jin completely.

 

“Yeah…” Jin managed, his throat tight.

 

Taehyung hesitated, his hand on the door handle, and turned to him ,that small, half-smile that always looked like it was holding back something bigger.

“I’ll… see you soon?”

 

Jin nodded, though something in him twisted painfully at the words.

 

 

Soon never felt soon enough.

 

Taehyung reached for the handle again, but Jin’s voice stopped him.

“Tae—”

He didn’t even finish.

The name alone made Taehyung turn, eyes wide, uncertain.

 

And before either of them could think, Jin leaned across the small space and kissed him.

It was slow, trembling, filled with everything Jin couldn’t say.

 

Taehyung froze for a moment, then melted into it, his hand finding the back of Jin’s neck, thumb brushing against his skin.

The rain whispered against the windows

 

The world outside was still

 

When Jin pulled away, Taehyung’s eyes were glassy, lips parted like he wanted to speak but couldn’t.

Jin gave him a faint, helpless smile

 

“Good luck tommorow  “

 

“Go inside, it’s late,” he said softly, voice shaking just enough to betray him.

Taehyung nodded slowly, then stepped out of the car, closing the door gently behind him.

Jin sat there long after he disappeared behind the gate.

The faint scent of him lingered in the car , the paint, rain, and warmth.

 

And for the first time in weeks, Jin smiled, though his heart ached.

 

Yeah this must be his bad habit now

 

The same comfort and safe feeling he felt whenever he touch the liquor

It’s a shame he call this a  “bad habit” when he feel much better when he is close to him

 

He just realized how badly he had missed the younger ,

 

How he was missing the feeling of safe he felt when he is close to him ,

when he was kissing him like this , there is no judgment , no requirement for perfection ,

 

just want

 

Taehyung wants him , without any more demands

Yes , he wants more from the younger

His greedy heart still wants more

But on the other side , Taehyung wants him as he is

No more , no less

 

 

And Jin thought , if this was a sin, then he’d already stopped praying for forgiveness.

 

.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

Hi :)

 

It's a short sweet update because I decided to sepreate the chapters into two instead again 😭

I hope you enjoyed the update , please let me know your thoughts

I would really love to hear from you 💜

Chapter 20: Yeontan

Summary:

He would accept being the second person on the side if it meant being with him like this

Notes:

In the memory of Kim Yeontan 💜

 

In this story
Jin is 33 yrs
Taehyung is 21

**This story might not be your ideal "Taejin " story , so please proceed with caution :)

 

 

 

                 

 

December came faster that year than he remembered.

May felt like Yesterday , when he came back to the big city  before his life had taken this big turn, before it had all started,
before he met him.

 

Seoul’s winter was harsh that year. The whole city was bathed in white now; it had been snowing for the past week.

He sat in his car, waiting for the green light, watching the busiest city in the country move before him  people crossing the road, their coats and scarves changing with the season.

He noticed how couples leaned closer together, pressing side by side for warmth against the cold.

A soft vibration pulled him back

 

His phone screen lit up with a new message

His heart pick up his beats speed thinking it was him , only to have his hopes down when he read “Hana ” name instead

 

 

“Oppa , where are you ? , we are all here waiting for you “

 

 havee you reach yet ?”

 

 

He was on his way to meet her and their mutual friends to celebrate his birthday.

Truthfully, he had stopped celebrating that day since college, and he hadn’t planned to this year either.

Before, it had always passed quietly , no family gathering, no big celebration.

That morning, he’d received his mother’s message:

 

“Happy birthday, Jin-ah. Are you eating well these days? I’ll send you some dishes next week with the driver.”

 

“Of course Omma , don’t worry ”he had just replied to her

 

Not sure if it was enough to assure her.

 

He’d always thought there was nothing special about his birthday , being dragged into

 

life and forced to live it when he hadn’t chosen to be here from the start.

 

Yes, he believed life was a gift, a miracle ..

 

but maybe not for him

 

 

Still, Hana had insisted on planning a dinner outing with friends, saying he should

relax and enjoy life a little instead of working all the time.

He wasn’t complaining though

 

 

“I am almost there “

“5 min “

 

He hurriedly took the next turn heading to the restaurant direction

 

 

 

The dinner was chaotic , He tried to smile, laughed when they teased him about their runion again as a couple , accepted the gifts politely. On the surface, it was perfect.,

But it all felt too bright.

Too loud.

Too far from what he really wanted.

suddenly, Hana leaned across the table, her hand brushing his.

“Smile, oppa. You look like you’re at a funeral,” she teased lightly.

He forced a smile back. “Just tired,” he said.

But his mind was already somewhere else

 or rather, someone else.

 

 

 

 

 

Later, when the night ended, they drove together to his home ,Hana walked with him to his front door . before he stops her, catching on her intention of spending the night together maybe

He wants to be alone

 

“Ah, I will try to sleep some , I think I am a bit tired tonight “ he felt bad when he sees her disappointing face before she soften , maybe catching on his tired face

She tugged his sleeve softly, leaning up to kiss him goodbye.

He let her

But his body didn’t move

His lips didn’t follow

When she pulled back, she smiled , gentle, unknowing and waved before getting into her car.

The sound of her engine faded, leaving only the soft hum of rain.

He stood there for a while, alone in the empty street, trying to convince himself that

this was what his normal felt like.

 

Normal life ?    he scoffed

 

That this was what he should want.

 

His phone has buzzes once

 

“Happy birthday, hyung 🎂🎈”

 

It was from Taehyung. Just one line, polite and distant

 

Did he still remmber ?

 

He stares at it longer than any other message that day

He types “thank you” but doesn’t send it right away

When he finally does, he adds:

 

“Don’t stay up too late ” un-relevant but he leave it there

 

 when silence surround him again , he was at his small office

 

Later that night, when he’s home and alone, a little drunk, he reopens the message thread again.

His thumb hovers over Taehyung’s contact

He doesn’t message him , just watches their old chat, scrolling slowly, eyes tracing the lines of their small exchanges.

 

He is missing him again

 

Too much for a man who’s supposed to be happy.

 

Then a soft memory flickers, little Taetae’s laughter from his last birthday so many years ago, the way he’d smeared cake frosting on his cheek, giggling until he almost fell over.

How he will tried to sing “happy birthday ” song but failed to remember the whole song , he would sing it hurriedly ,clusmly

 

Little “Taetae ” just wants to eat the cake   

Jin smiles faintly, staring at the glow of his phone in the dark.

His voice breaks into the quiet room, barely a whisper:

“You didn’t even sing this time, brat.”

 

Then he  remembered how the younger birthday used to follow after his

In the same month

 

still wondering if Taehyung  still remember his 6^th birthday ?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Oh, right. Hyung’s birthday today”

Taehyung’s head turned immediately

 

“What?”

Namjoon blinked, confused. “You didn’t know?”

 

His birthday is today ?

 

How he would know ?

 

He shrugged. “Hana threw him a thing, I think” he showed  him the story she posted

There were posing together , linked arms, head titled towards each other

Something heavy and cold settled in Taehyung’s chest

 

 

his feet moved before his thoughts did

Therefore he found himself standing outside Jin’s place that night, breath fogging in the cold.

Through the gate, he saw them , her hand resting on his chest as she whispered something before leaning in to kiss him.,

He froze where he stood, heart sinking low and sharp.

 

When she left, he almost called out.

 

Almost

But the words wouldn’t come

He just turned and walked home through the quiet streets, the air biting against his skin.

Later, he sat on his bed, phone in hand, staring at the empty screen.

He typed slowly:

 

 

“Happy birthday, hyung 🎂🎈”

 

Does he even has a right now ?

 

Then erased it.

Then typed again

Finally hit send

And when the “seen” mark appeared minutes later with no reply,

he whispered into the dark,

 

“Did you have a good day?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That morning was gray, the kind that didn’t promise much warmth

He woke to the faint sound of someone knocking at his door , soft, familiar, patient.

When he opened it, his mother stood there, wrapped in her long coat, a small smile curving her lips despite the cold.

She was holding two containers, steam still escaping through the lids.

“Omma…” he blinked, surprised, stepping aside quickly.

“You should’ve called. I would’ve picked you up.”

She waved her hand lightly as she stepped in

“It’s fine. I wanted to see my son on his birthday, not just send him food through the

driver.”

 

Her voice carried that mix of affection and quiet reproach he’d known his whole life.

Jin took the containers from her and placed them on the kitchen counter.

“The roads are icy. You shouldn’t have come all this way”

“I was careful,” she said, glancing around the house. It was tidy, as always , too tidy,

maybe.

Her eyes lingered on the empty coffee cup on the table, the untouched breakfast.

“You’ve been eating properly?” she asked, opening one of the containers to reveal

neatly packed side dishes , rolled omelets, marinated beef, kimchi that smelled like

home

 

“I’m fine, Omma,” he said quietly, but she gave him a look that said she didn’t believe a word.

For a moment, neither spoke. The only sound was the ticking of the kitchen clock and

the soft hiss of the kettle starting to boil.

Then she said it softly, like she was trying not to startle him

“I heard from Hana’s mother. They’re talking again about the engagement.”

Jin froze, fingers tightening around the edge of the counter.

“Omma…”

 

“She’s a good girl,” his mother continued, gently

“Polite, well-raised, she cares for you. Everyone says you two look good together.”

He forced a small smile, one that didn’t reach his eyes

 “We’re… fine, I guess.”

“You guess?” she repeated, her tone mild but sharp enough to make him look down.

She sighed, lowering her voice.

“You’re thirty-three now, Jin-ah. You can’t stay alone forever.

Me and your father just wants to see you settled.

Settled

He hated that word

He poured her tea to hide the silence stretching between them

“I’m trying, Omma,” he said finally, “I really am, but I need sometime ,my business is

just lunched!”

She smiled, touched his arm lightly “I know you are”

Then, quieter, “You’ve always tried too hard”

 

He didn’t answer

She didn’t ask more

When she left, the kitchen smelled of home-cooked food and something faintly

bittersweet ,like warmth that didn’t reach the heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hyung , my birthday is tomorrow, they are planing to do a small party in our house you will come right ? ” Taehyung trying to seams not so desperate, when send him this

 

“I will try , not sure “

 

Please

 

I want to see you

 

But he didn’t send that

 

 

 

 

 

Their house was full that night.His mother’s voice mixing with the faint

sound of a New Year show from the TV.

 

It was warm inside, almost too warm, but he still felt cold somehow.

Taehyung smiled when they sang for him, when his father patted his shoulder proudly,

 Namjoon joked about how old he’s getting.

 

He smiled because he should

 

Because everyone was happy

 

But a small part of him kept glancing toward the door.Each time the bell rang or the gate clicked, his heart jumped, only to sink again quietly.

 

His hyung didn’t come

 

He tried to tell himself it was fine , maybe he was busy

He said it enough times that it almost sounded believable

Still, when midnight came and everyone had gone to sleep, he sat by the window, watching the snow his chest aching with something he couldn’t name.

A new year was coming

So much had changed since the last one

His phone lay beside him, screen dark

Then, it buzzed softly once

“Are you asleep?”

 

For a moment, he just stared at it. His breath caught.

He typed quickly, then erased it

Typed again, slower this time, trying to sound normal ,casual.

“Not yet.”

He couldn’t hide the disappointment in his chest

 

Why was he even mad when he had agreed to be the second affair?

 

Another message followed almost instantly:

“Can you come down for a bit?”

 

His heart skipped a beat at that

 

He didn’t even wear his coat properly , just grabbed his scarf and ran downstairs, his socks slipping against the wooden steps.

When he opened the gate, the cold air hit him first , sharp, biting, almost sobering.

Then he saw him.

The man was standing there, wrapped in a thick scarf, snow caught on his hair and shoulders.

He looked tired, eyes soft and a little red, as if the cold wasn’t the only reason.

“Hyung…” Taehyung breathed, voice trembling slightly, not from the cold.

 

“Why are you here?”

 

Jin’s lips curved faintly.  “Because it’s your birthday.”

Taehyung wanted to say, I waited. I waited all night for you

But the words wouldn’t come. They just hung heavy on his tongue.

Instead, he whispered, “You’ll get sick again”

Jin smiled at that , that small, quiet smile that always hurt to look at.

 

“Then you’ll have to make that tea for me again then”

His voice was soft, but something about it felt heavier than before

 

 

 

 

Taehyung was about to answer, but then he noticed the small cardboard box Jin was

holding in one arm, tucked carefully against his chest.

 

“What’s that?”

 

Jin looked down like he’d forgotten it was there. Then he smiled , that nervous,

gentle kind of smile he only ever showed him.

“Your birthday gift,” he said quietly,ears flaming red

When he opened the box, a small head peeked out , round eyes, soft black fur, a little pink nose twitching.

The tiniest Pomeranian puppy

Taehyung gasped, eyes wide as he reached out to touch it.

“Hyung…” he breathed, almost whispering the word like it hurt.

“You didn’t....”

“I thought you love puppi-..” Jin mumered

“I DO “ Taehyung loud exciting voice cut his words

“He reminded me of you,” Jin said softly, his tone half-teasing, half-serious.

“Tiny. Loud sometimes. Cute most of the time.” then he clears his throat hard when

he noticed he had spilled too much of his thought unconsciously

 

Taehyung laughed shyly, really laughed this time, that same bright soft sound that

always made something flutter painfully in Jin’s chest. He held the puppy close,

letting it nuzzle against his neck, the cold forgotten for a moment.

 

Jin envy the small puppy now

 

“he’s cute,” Taehyung said quietly.

 

That’s why I said he reminds me of you

 

“But… can I really take care of him? With uni and everything…”

Taehyung was a blushing mess, feeling his heart beat like crazy because of his

hyung’s words

Did he just call him cute? 

 

Jin looked at him, eyes warm in the pale streetlight, his own chest softening at the

sight of the younger’s flushed face

 

Why is he so cute?

 

“We’ll manage,” he said, voice low.

 

We

 

He cleared his throat awkwardly

“What are you going to name him?”

Jin watched as Taehyung tilted his head cutely slightly to the side, big eyes looking up like he was thinking, before ducking his head shyly again

“Yeontan… Kim Yeontan.”

“It’s a nice name,” Jin murmured.

Taehyung tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear, cheeks still pink, eyes glancing up for a second before darting away again

God help him

 

And for a moment, neither of them spoke. The cold air was thick with something

unspoken fragile, full, heavy.

 

The small puppy whimpered softly, squirming in Taehyung’s arms, curling against

the warmth of his chest. The snow kept falling around them, catching in their hair and

lashes.

 

Jin smiled faintly, brushing a bit of snow off his scarf

“You should go inside. It’s cold”

 

But Taehyung didn’t move. His eyes lingered on his face , his damp hair, the faint

blush on his nose, the small, tired smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes

 

The man stood there, scarf loose around his neck, the faint glow of the streetlamp catching on the snowflakes melting on his lashes.

 

He looked tired

 

But beautiful , in that quiet, winter way that made everything look still and

untouchable.

 

Taehyung’s throat tightened

 

He didn’t know if it was the cold or the ache building inside him again, the one that never seemed to fade.

Before he knew it, he was stepping closer  slow, careful, like approaching a dream he wasn’t sure he was allowed to touch. The snow crunched softly beneath his shoes.

 

He looked up at him, eyes wide, lashes wet from the cold. Then he leaned in, his lips brushing softly against Jin’s.

It was barely a kiss at first , a touch more than air, cold against warm.

 

The kind that trembles, unsure whether to stay or to run.

 

“Thank you,hyung” Taehyung said finally against his cold lips, voice trembling a little. “Really.”

 

Jin froze, then melted into it, his breath catching as Taehyung kissed him again  gently this time, then deeper, slower, like he was trying to memorize the feeling.

Snow melted against their skin, the cold biting at the corners of their mouths.

Taehyung’s hand found Jin’s scarf, holding him there as if afraid he’d disappear.

And when they finally broke apart, both of them were breathless , eyes wide, hearts

 

unsteady, the world around them quiet except for the soft fall of snow.

Yeontan whined softly between them again, breaking the silence

Taehyung laughed at that, that quiet, fluttering laugh that always undid him ,and pressed another fleeting kiss to his lips,

quick and shy this time, before hiding his face against his scarf.

 

 

Yeah… he would accept being the second person on the side if it meant being with him like this

 

For a moment, it felt like the whole world had gone still

just the sound of their beating hearts and the faint fireworks in the distance.

And for the first time in weeks, Jin didn’t feel cold at all.

 

“Happy new year Taetae “

 

“Happy new year, hyung “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 21: Closing Doors

Summary:

“Maybe I just want the same attention”

 

He told himself it was Yeontan,

Sometimes he believed it.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

Morning arrived before the city was ready for it,

Before he was ready for it too,

 

He woke to the faintest scratch-scratch at the bedroom door and a small, questioning whine.

He lay there a moment, staring at the pale winter light pressed thinly against the blinds, listening to the hush of a world still wrapped in cold. Then

the scratch came again,polite, hopeful.

 

“Tan-ah,” he sighed, softening despite himself. “Come in.”

The door nudged open and a round, furred face peeked in like a cloud had grown eyes.

Yeontan’s tail swished once, twice, patient, then not patient at all.

Two little paws bumped against the bed frame. Jin sat up, hair mussed, and reached down to scoop the warm bundle into his arms.

Yeontan smelled faintly like wool and his faint sweet shampoo and somehow Taehyung’s shampoo sweet scent too

“You’re early,” Jin murmured, pressing a kiss to the puppy’s head despite the steady resolve he’d had last night

to keep distance from everything that hurt.

 

 “Your appa is worse. He shows up in the afternoon and calls it morning.”

 

Yeontan sneezed, as if agreeing

 

It had been a week since that kiss in the snow. A week of agreeing, with half conversation and a real ache, that Yeontan would stay with

him because Taehyung’s winter term was heavy and Jin’s office was there at home so he could manage feedings, tiny walks, naps.

 

After that snowy evening, it just… happened

He took Yeontan home that night, wrapped the puppy in an old towel, and watched as he curled up at the corner

of his couch like he belonged there.

 

“He had promised himself that he would not take care of any pet after his last puppy death ,

that was when he was 18 only but ...

 

 He told himself it was temporary , just until the younger’s boy schedule settled down.

 

But days passed, and Taehyung kept coming back.

 

No wonder the puppy has the younger scent on him now

 

There were little things Jin found himself looking forward to lately

Like when the younger will visit them to play with the puppy , mostly as he claims

 

Because ever since the arrival of the cute puppy in their life , the boy have forgotten about him

There had been texting, yes but mostly about Yeontan now , puppy food and the younger’s cute aggression towards him 

 

And Jin started to feel neglected although he had the same aggression towards both of them now

 

Visits had slipped into his days like small, shy birds. Two o’clock if Taehyung’s lecture ended early;

six, if he’d been trapped in a studio room too long. Either way, Jin found himself waiting for the knock that was always soft, always twice, 

then once,

 

He didn’t plan his schedule around it. He tried not to.

 

But the coffee he made at one-thirty tasted a little sweeter. The desk he cleared at five-thirty looked a little more like a welcome.

The empty couch became a promise of them both siting together , and  the younger soft body heat , sweet shampoo smell after he leave later ,

 

He had noticed  he started to reach for the liquor less since Yeontan arrival

 

He grew to like watching both of them playing together adorably from his kitchen counter wherever the younger visit ,

he will prepare their both meals and although Taehyung would protests every-time that he had already ate dinner ,

 he will eats happily later whatever the elder makes ,

 

 And Jin can’t stop his greedy heart anymore

 

He started to eat non spicy food too

 

 

 

He noticed the way the room changed when Taehyung came in,how the winter light looked less sharp,

 

how the silence turned from lonely into calm.

 

How even the puppy seams happier each time

 

He told himself it was Yeontan.

 

Sometimes he believed it.

 

Now,He started to fear the sound of the door closing more than he had ever feared any silence.

 

 

 

—

 

 

 

 

 

 

“hand !” , “Tannie, Hand !”

Loud bark

Jin was watching their interaction from the kitchen , from where he was making dinner on the stove

 

“shhhsh , hand!”

This time the puppy gave him a small handshake

 

“good boy !” Taehyung coos fondly and kiss the little fluff ball , giving him food as a reward

 

“now foot , Tannie foot!”

 

But this time Yeontan went directly to the small bowl to eat , ignoring the younger boy’s request

 

“Hyung, he likes the blue bowl more,” Taehyung said, sitting cross-legged on the carpet, hoodie sleeves pushed to his elbows.

 

A smudge of graphite striped his wrist. He’d come from sketching,Jin could still see the pencil tucked inside his pocket ,

half hidden like he forgot it there

 

Jin leaned against the kitchen doorway, watching them.

 

 “He can’t possibly know the difference.”

 

“He does.” Taehyung tapped the blue bowl, voice solemn. “Artistic taste.”

 

“He eats mush,” Jin said, fond. “There isn’t a Michelin star for mush.”

 

Taehyung laughed, sunlight flashing for a second in the gray day.

 

“You should see how he looks at your cooking, hyung. He’d give you a star.”

 

 He waited for the tease to land, then ducked his head, grinning when Jin’s mouth twitched.

 

 

 

 

Jin had noticed how their conversation had improved since Yeontan arrival

It flows naturally , smoothly with less tension than before , although their other un-spoken tension is still there

but this still considered an improvement

 

Maybe bringing the small puppy to their live not a bad idea after all

 

The younger’s family still didn’t know that the puppy was his , they all thought it was Jin’s , they just fuss about his cuteness and neither question

his motives

 

Even Hana

 

“Oppa you got a puppy now ?”

“woah!  If I remembered right someone said before he will not raise a puppy again”

She had teased him about it though , without knowing the puppy actually is Taehyung’s , and he just let it be 

 

“Hyung , Tann-ie seams to like Taehyung-ah a lot” Namjoon said before when he noticed how Yeontan circle Taehyung and sit on his lap trying to

grasp the younger’s boy attention by licking his chin

 

They were all gathering at the Kim’s house for a Friday’s dinner , Jin has brings Yeontan with him so he will not stay alone in his house

But everyone can notice how Yeontan was circling Taehyung’s and asking to hold him

Yeontan was only going between both of their’s lap, and barking loudly when Hana tried to hold him running to Taehyung’s lap instead

 

“He isn’t getting used to other people yet” Jin looked at Hana apologetically

She pouts at him cutely

Taehyung was watching them , holding the puppy now , giving him small rubs

And Jin can notice his hard stares across the room ,

The way he was holding Yeontan ….

 

it was screaming possissviness

 

Maybe he is really starting to envy the puppy now

 

“Taehyungie  likes puppies since he was younger “ Mrs.Kim said looking at Jin’s knowingly

“oh yeah , he was attached to Jjangu , you remember hyung ?”  Namjoon said

Jin gulps at that ,

 

Of course he remember

 

But does Taehyung remmber too?

 

When he looked at Taehyung he finds him already watching him , mouth open a bit in confuse and wonder

 

But he didn’t say anything

 

Jin avert his gaze only to finds Mrs.Kim looking at him instead

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung had come by again , claiming it was for Yeontan

 

Again

 

 “He misses me,”

“yeah..he is ”

 

Me too

 

The boy was sitting cross-legged on the floor now,long grown hair messy, hoodie sleeves pulled over his hands as Yeontan tugged at his toy

mouse.

 

 Jin watched from the kitchen, half amused, half softened by the sight.

That’s when his phone rang

The sound broke the quiet rhythm of the room. Jin glanced at the screen, and

Taehyung caught the flicker of a name

 

 Hana

Jin’s expression shifted , just slightly ,the kind of softness that came out when he wasn’t thinking.

He stepped toward the balcony, answering in that calm, polite tone

“Hey… yeah, I’m home. Mm, just with Yeontan… No, not busy.”

The last words made something inside Taehyung tighten.
He didn’t mean to listen, but Jin’s voice carried easily through the open door.

“Yes, I saw your message. You’re already there? … I’ll check the schedule and call you back, alright?”

He laughed then , quiet, genuine , and it was that sound that made Taehyung’s chest ache the most.

Taehyung had heard before

It wasn’t loud or flirtatious; it was just… warm. Familiar.

Yeontan barked, breaking the stillness, and Taehyung forced a smile, rubbing his ears as if that could drown out the quiet tone Jin used ,

 

soft and careful, like he was holding something fragile.

 

He shouldn’t feel this way

The man wasn’t his

He knew that

 

But Why he can’t ?

 

Wasn’t that how they agreed to do this ?

 

But watching Jin through the balcony glass, his hand brushing through his hair, that smile still in place , 

It felt like someone had drawn a line across the room, and Taehyung wasn’t on the right side of it anymore.

 

When Jin came back inside, he found Taehyung sitting silently, Yeontan asleep in his lap.

 

“Sorry,” Jin said lightly

 

 “Just work stuff.”

 

Taehyung looked up, smiling, but it didn’t reach his eyes

“Oh, yeah. Sure.”

 

He wanted to ask who it was. He wanted to say, you don’t talk to anyone like that.

But instead, he just nodded, eyes dropping back to Yeontan’s fur.

 

Later, when he stood to leave, Jin walked him to the door as always.

“Same time tomorrow?” Jin asked, smiling.

Taehyung hesitated before nodding.

“Yeah. If you’re not busy.”

Jin didn’t catch the quiet weight behind that word

But Taehyung did

 He felt it all the way home.

That night, as he lay in bed, Yeontan’s scent still faint on his hoodie,

the sound of Jin’s gentle voice on that call played in his head again ..

And for the first time, the warmth between them felt dangerous.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jin set down the kettle, watching from the kitchen doorway , the way Taehyung’s shoulders shook when Yeontan licked his chin,

The way his voice softened, how his smile reached his eyes in a way Jin hadn’t seen in a while.

 

He wasn’t jealous.

 

 Not really

If anything, he envied how easy it was for Yeontan to make Taehyung laugh like that  how he could reach out and be held without hesitation.

Jin wanted that kind of closeness too, sometimes.

 

Two weeks had already passed since he brings Yeontan home

But then Taehyung would look up ,bright, unguarded ,and Jin’s thoughts would scatter like snow in a gust.

“Hyung, look at him,” Taehyung said, laughing as Yeontan rolled over dramatically, waiting for belly rubs.

 

“He’s so spoiled now”

 

“That’s your fault,” Jin said, bringing over the tea and one hot coca for Taehyung

 

“Mine? I’m not the one feeding him every day,” Taehyung countered, sitting cross-legged on the floor.    

 

“He loves you more now.”

 

What about you ?

 

Jin’s heart stuttered quietly. “I think he like you more -”

 

 Same as me   He want to say

 

He meant to tease, but the words stayed in his throat.

 

He just nodded instead, lowering himself to sit beside them.

 

 

 

 

 

For a while, they played with Yeontan together , Taehyung tossing the small toy mouse,

Jin catching the dog mid-run before he crashed into the furniture. ,

Their fingers brushed once as they reached for the same treat.

 

But neither moved away right away

 

 “You’re worse than him.” Jin laughed under his breath

 

 “Maybe I just want the same attention”  Taehyung grinned, eyes glinting.

 

That made Jin pause, just for a second

 

The kind of pause where time slows enough to let the truth slip in.

He looked at him  , the flushed cheeks, the curve of his smile, the little fur stuck on his sleeve.

It would be so easy, Jin thought

So easy to lean forward, close that small space, kiss him the way he’d been remembering since last year.

 

It’s been a long time

 

But Yeontan barked suddenly, demanding another round of play, and the spell broke.

Taehyung laughed again, and Jin found himself laughing, too ,

A bit disappointed, but full of emotions

 

Because even if Taehyung’s hands were busy holding the puppy, Jin liked being here  close enough to watch,

close enough to listen

 

Later, when Yeontan finally settle on Taehyung’s lap, the boy looked up at Jin through the soft hush of evening.

 

“He’s getting heavier,” he murmured.

“Then you’ll have to visit more often,” He said, voice low, gentle.

Desperte

 

“He’s used to you now”

 

Taehyung smiled. “Maybe I’m the one who’s used to him.”

“Maybe,” Jin said, eyes lingering a moment too long.

“Maybe both of you.”

 

I am  used to you too

 

Taehyung tilted his head, the corner of his mouth lifting, voice quiet but sure.

 

“I’m used to you too, hyung.” like he can hears his thoughts

 

The words hung there , light but heavy in their meaning, like snowflakes landing on a flame.

Jin’s breath caught for just a second before he looked away, pretending to adjust his sleeves.

 

Please don’t say things you don’t know their effect 

He cleared his throat, trying to smooth the air that had suddenly thickened between them.

“I have… some work to finish,” he murmured, half to himself.

 “A few things from the office I didn’t get to today.”

 

He turned toward his small home office before Taehyung could say anything else.

It wasn’t a retreat, not really , just a place to steady his heartbeat.

 

Isn’t this what he wants since last weeks ? the attention !

Then why he is running away ?

Still, Taehyung watched him go, the soft click of the door almost teasing him with distance.

He didn’t miss his red ears

 

 

The room was quiet when Taehyung followed later.

Jin hadn’t closed the door completely, and the faint glow of the desk lamp spilled out into the hallway , 

A thin ribbon of gold against the darker apartment.

 

Yeontan had already fallen asleep on the couch, paws twitching in a dream, so

Taehyung slipped in quietly, barefoot.

The man sat at his desk, posture relaxed but focused.

His round glasses rested low on his nose, a strand of hair falling stubbornly against his forehead as he read from a document.

The lamplight softened him turned the curve of his cheek into something gentle, his lips into something Taehyung shouldn’t be staring at. but

sharpened him in the right places at the same time

 

Taehyung breath hitched at the sight

 

It was his first time to see him with glasses and now Taehyung can’t unseen it

He must’ve made a sound , a small shuffle, maybe his hitched breath earlier

because the man looked up, eyes blinking behind the round lenses.

 

“Oh,” he said, voice caught between surprise and something else Taehyung can’t name yet

 

“You’re still here”

 

 

Taehyung leaned against the door frame, a lazy smile forming.

“You sound disappointed.”

 

 

“Not at all,” Jin replied, pushing the glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“Just… thought you’d gone home.”

 

 

“I was going to,” Taehyung said, stepping closer.

“But Tanie asleep. And I thought…”

He trailed off, unsure what he thought, exactly , only that the space between them felt too wide, and he didn’t want it to be.

 

Jin’s lips curved faintly. “Couldn’t resist bothering me, huh?”

“Maybe,” Taehyung said softly, his tone playful but his eyes saying something else.

 

“Or maybe I just wanted to see you like this.”

 

Jin’s brows lifted slightly. “Like what?”

 

Taehyung smiled , slow, honest. “Like you.”

 

That made Jin’s heartbeat stumble.

He had noticed how Taehyung had started to flirt with him again recently and now he got his heart in the middle-

he can’t help but to be flustered

 

He looked down at the papers again, pretending to read.

 

“You say strange things sometimes”

 

“Do I?” Taehyung moved closer, his steps quiet against the floor.

 

“Then maybe you should stop looking so…”

 

Taehyung moved to sit on the desk facing him now

He paused, searching for the word.

 

“So kissable, hyung.”

 

He  froze , the pen in his hand slipping slightly between his fingers.

He looked up, eyes wide for a second, meeting Taehyung’s , the kind of look that left no room for pretending anymore.

 

“Tae..”

 

But Taehyung didn’t let him finish, He stepped close enough to feel the faint warmth radiating from Jin’s chair,

close enough that his knees brushed the desk’s edge.

 

His hand reached out before his mind could catch up, fingertips brushing gently against Jin’s jaw, then his cheek.

Jin inhaled sharply, glasses catching the light as he turned slightly, half in surprise, half in surrender.

 

Taehyung’s thumb ghosted over his bottom lip , hesitant, trembling.

 

“You work too hard, Hyung” he whispered

 

“And you distract too easily,” Jin murmured back, though the words came trembled than he intended

 

“Maybe that’s fair,” Taehyung said, smiling faintly and before Jin could find another excuse to look away,

 

 

His gaze flicked briefly to Jin’s lips , just a second too long.

“Guess I just like the view.”

 

Jin’s brows lifted. “The view?”

 

Taehyung’s tone was playful, but his eyes were not.

 

“You look different when you work. Focused. Calm.”

 

 

 

He leaned in

 

 

The kiss was unhurried, barely there at first,

 

Jin didn’t move, not at first. Just a quiet intake of breath, eyes fluttering closed behind the soft shimmer of glass

 

Then he exhaled, tilting up

slightly, meeting him halfway.

 

He was waiting for this moment since long time

Taehyung took off his glasses slowly

 

He grinned, brushing his thumb lightly along his temple to fix his hair

“You look too handsome in those glasses. It’s unfair.”

 

Unfair…

 

Yeah it is Unfair

 

To his heart

 

To him

 

 To Taehyung ….

 

To her  

 

 

 

 

Then he watched Taehyung moved from sitting on the desk to sit on his lap instead

Sitting side away

 

“Taehyung-ah ..”

 

“I’m working,….” Jin managed, but his voice betrayed him, quieter, uneven.

“So am I,” Taehyung murmured, leaning in , his breath brushing Jin’s skin.

“Just… something different.” one of Taehyung’s hands went to circle his neck

The other resting on his chest softly

He didn’t move away this time.

His hand, almost on its own, came up to rest against Taehyung’s waist, steadying him as if to keep the world still

Their foreheads touched first , a small, trembling point of contact  and then, finally,

Taehyung closed the distance again,this time in a deep kiss,

 

 

Before they knew it, the kiss had deepened,hurried, clumsy, and desperate—

like both of them had been waiting for it all along.

Taehyung broke the kiss, his lips finding Jin’s neck instead.

The hand resting on Jin’s chest began to open the buttons of his shirt, slowly, sensually.

 

“Taehyung-ah ,.. wait -”

But Teahyung wasn’t slowing down his kisses  , he had to grips the boy’s arm to stop him

“Wait ..please “ that made Taehyung stop his clumsy kisses ,lips swollen looking at him with somehow a disappointed face

 

“Is it because of her ?”

 

“What-.. “

 

“Is it because of her you are running away each time ?”

 

He froze

 

“Hyung , I don’t mind to be your second one but you have to be mine too !” the boy’s sudden loud tone  makes him flinch

 

silence

 

“Completely“ Taehyung add after a deep breath , voice’s low ,his eyes sharp locked on his

 

What ?

 

Do you even know what you are saying ?

 

“ I ….”  he didn’t find his words

 

What he should say ?

 

How he gona tell him

 

That he never touch Hana in that way after they got together again

 

They kissed yes , many time

 

But never goes intimate  more than that

 

“I can wait …“ Taehyung said hurriedly cutting his un-spoken words,

 

“but you have to make your mind too, this is how the deal was “

 

The deal ?

 

“Is this a deal to you ??” He couldn’t help but to voice his thoughts

 

Feeling his heart  shattered in pieces now

 

He watched Taehyung expression moved fast from a hurt and angry to a nervous one

 

“I .. You .. you wants to experience with .. with a guy right ?” Taehyung voice was small like he was ashamed about those words himself

 

His wide nervous eyes was moving between his

 

As he was afraid of rejection again

 

And Jin don’t know if he should laugh or cry at that

 

Experience ?… with A guy ?

 

A Boy …….

 

Those words hurt than any un-spoken words

 

It hursts more than his family rejection

His father words …

 

 

Yes , he never been with a man before

That when  he didn’t want any then

 

Now, He wants one

 

He wants to be with that one  

 

Not just to experience it

 

And as his mouth  has his own mind instead of speaking those words

 

He find himself whispering

 

“she is my girlfriend “  

 

Surprising himself even

 

He watched Taehyung flinch, eyes glistening

Then the boy stood up abruptly, voice shaking.

 

“I—I have to go,” he stammered, avoiding his eyes,

 

wiping away silent tears with harsh, trembling hands.

 

“Taehy..”

 

But before  he could call for him , Taehyung was already running out of the house

 

Jin could hear his front door closed loudly behind him

 

That sound, the sound of the door closing

 

was what he had always feared.

 

But now,

he feared the silence more…….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

Hi :)

I am on a sick leave for 2 days now , but I am writing this instead

because I miss them

I may update sooner again

I hope you still enjoying this story 💜, I got emotional reading your comments earlier

and I feel sorry for makeing you sad for them, they are still baby when it comes to love

please be paitent

Anyway ,please write more to me :)💌🥲

Chapter 22: The Second One

Summary:

“Girlfriend, boyfriend…"

None of those words fit anymore

Notes:

Makeing the best of my leave 💌🥲😂

 

I ha've told you before ,I am greedy now :)

Let's goo

 

**edits later

 

 

 

The night he left, he cried until his throat hurt

 

Not the kind of crying that comes with noise ，the quiet kind, the one that shakes the body more than it fills the room.

His pillow was damp, his chest tight, and every time he closed his eyes, he could still feel the warmth of  the man hands on his waist

The way it all fell apart in seconds

 

He had told himself he could handle being the second one, if he would be close to him

 

That he was strong enough, grown enough

But hearing “She’s my girlfriend” broke something he didn’t know how to name

What really was bothering him is

 

He had refused Minjae flirty personality before, refused to be a side option ,

 

then why he accepted to be a second person here

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next morning, the sunlight felt too bright, too cruel

He didn’t go to class

Or the next day

Or the one after that

 

 

 

His room became small ,smaller each day. Sketch papers piled up on the floor; charcoal and pencil stains covered his hands

Every drawing looked the same somehow , the same outline of a man’s shoulders, sometimes blurred, sometimes erased halfway through.

He wore his headphones constantly, music playing loud enough to drown thought

Sometimes he forgot the song was over and just left them there for the silence to hum against his ears.

Yeontan’s leash still hung by the door, untouched.

 

Jin had forget it there last time they visit

 

His mother knocked a few times the first day

“Taehyungie ?..”  but  he didn’t answer

Then less after that.

On the fifth morning, she opened the door without asking

Taehyung didn’t look up , he sat by the window, sketchbook on his knees, charcoal smudged across his wrist and cheek.

She stood there for a while, just watching him , her son who used to fill the house with noise now sitting in quiet gray light.

 

She didn’t ask what was wrong

She didn’t need to

 

She just walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind.

The sound of it , her quiet breath, her warmth was almost enough to break him all over again

He blinked rapidly, pressing his lips together, and then his sketchbook fell shut.

“It’s okay,” she said softly, voice almost in his hair.

He didn’t answer, but his hand found hers for a second , small, desperate , before he let go

 

And cried

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the weekend, Jimin came

He always did when Taehyung went missing too long

“Yah, Kim Taehyung,” he called from the hallway,

the familiar scolding tone trying to sound light.

“You ghosted everyone. Are you dead or just dramatic?”

No answer.

Jimin pushed the door open anyway. The room was dim, curtains half closed, a mess of sketchbooks and crumpled tissues scattered across the

floor.

 

Taehyung sat on the bed this time, legs pulled close, hoodie oversized and sleeves stained faintly with charcoal. His headphones were still around

his neck,

silent now.

Jimin stopped in the doorway, his teasing fading into a quiet frown.

“Hey,” he said softly. “What happened to you?”

 

Taehyung forced a smile that didn’t even make it halfway.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Jimin crossed his arms. “

 

You look like you fought a storm and lost.”

Taehyung laughed weakly. “Maybe I did.”

 

Jimin sighed, moving closer. “Is it school? Or… is it him?”

 

That made Taehyung freeze.

Jimin’s voice was calm, but his eyes searched his face carefully.

“I don’t know what happened,” Jimin continued,

“but if it’s about Jin-hyung, you don’t have to hide it from me.”

Taehyung looked away, fingers tightening around the edge of his hoodie.

“There’s nothing to say.”

“Then why are you like this?”

“Because I said I could handle it,” Taehyung murmured, voice low, trembling a little,

“and I lied.”

Jimin sat beside him, not pushing anymore. The silence stretched ,heavy, but safe.

“I don’t know what he did,” Jimin said finally,

 “but you don’t deserve to be hurt like this.”

Taehyung didn’t answer. His eyes were red, tired.

He just looked down at his sketchbook, flipping to a page half-finished , a rough drawing of a man sitting by a window,

 

Glasses tilted slightly, light catching his hair.

 

He stared at it for a long moment, then quietly shut the cover.

 

Jimin didn’t miss the drawing

 

“Well , he is special enough to be sketched it  by Kim Taehyung then” He tried to tease his best friend instead,

wants to makes him smiles a bit

 

That’s makes Taehyung  blushes a bit , face red with a flustered  gaze

 

“I mean he is handsome and hot so I can’t blame you !”

 

“Shuut up..” Taehyung throw his pillow on him , feeling shy

 

At least he makes him laugh a bit

 

“I’m fine, Chim” he whispered.

 

And even Jimin didn’t believe him.

 

The next few days passed quietly.

Too quiet

 

The world outside his window kept moving , cars, people, faint laughter from the street , but Taehyung’s own time felt stuck.

The sketchbooks piled higher

The drawings looked the same

He didn’t draw faces anymore, only hands. Sometimes the outline of glasses, the edge of a smile he couldn’t finish.

Jimin had left his favorite snack and a small note on the desk before leaving that night:

 

“Eat something, you idiot”

 

Taehyung hadn’t touched it yet

He kept reading the note instead

Because it felt nice that someone still saw him, even when he didn’t want to be seen.

 

On the seventh morning, he woke up to sunlight sneaking past the curtain  soft, pale,

the kind that touches before it burns.

For the first time that week, he sat up

His body ached from staying curled too long

Yeontan’s leash still hung by the door, and for a second, he thought about going back there , to Jin’s place, to that warmth , 

before the memory of the last night pulled him down again.

 

Still, he stood

 

He showered, pulled on clean clothes, and stared at himself in the mirror.

His eyes looked swollen, skin pale, but at least he was upright.

His mother noticed the sound of water running and smiled quietly to herself in the kitchen.

When he came out, hair still damp, she pretended not to watch.

But she placed a warm bowl of rice and soup on the table and said only,

 

 “Eat before it gets cold.”

 

 

He sat

He ate

It didn’t taste like much, but it felt like something.

It wasn’t that his mother cooking was not tasty it just-

He was missing his cooking

 

He was wondering  if the man was missing him too

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the next day, he made it to class

He kept his hoodie up, earphones in. He barely spoke

His professor frowned at him but said nothing.

The charcoal felt strange in his hand , heavier somehow, like it remembered all the sadness his body had carried.

When the class ended, he stayed behind, sketching lines that didn’t make sense. He kept drawing the same shape again and again , the soft curve

of a hand, the edge of a sleeve, the faint tilt of a head bent in focus.

Then his phone buzzed.

He froze.

The screen lit up with a name he hadn’t seen since that night.

 

 

Jin Hyung

 

After a whole week of complete silence between them

For a long time, he just stared at it

The message preview was short ,polite, careful, so typically him.

“Hope you’re eating well. Yeontan misses you.”

That’s it ? no appology ?

 

Nothing

 

Taehyung knew his hyung had always avoiding to talk about what’s happening between them

He had learned that the man was secretive about his thoughts and emotions

But wasn’t Taehyung deserve an explanation ? an apology ?

A clearness ?

 

But come to think about it , the man didn’t approach him first

 

Didn’t flirt with him

Didn’t promise him anything

Didn’t ask him to be his other person

It was all his fault , his idea ,it was him to blame only not Jin

He approached him first , flirt with him , kiss him ,

Although he knew the man like women

Therefor Tahyung didn’t reply to the message , just let it be there

As a punishment to himself before  Jin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The apartment felt larger without Taehyung in it

Not empty exactly, just stretched, like silence had taken up all the space between the walls.

Yeontan’s paws clicked softly against the floor, following Jin from room to room.

 Every time he turned, the little dog was there, round eyes watching, waiting.

“Yeah, I miss him too,” Jin said one evening, voice low, half-embarrassed.

Yeontan barked once, the sound too sharp in the quiet.

 

The first few days, Jin tried to keep busy

He cooked more than he could eat, left bowls half-full in the sink.

He rearranged files, answered emails that didn’t matter.

Yet every small thing pulled him back—

A strand of black hair on the couch, a hoodie folded over the chair, a faint scent of citrus and shampoo that refused to fade.

Sometimes, late at night, he’d glance at the couch expecting a shape to be there, Taehyung sitting cross-legged, sketchbook balanced on his

knees,

Yeontan sprawled across his lap.

The image would come so clearly that for a heartbeat he believed it, until the air reminded him he was alone.

 

 

A few more days passed, slow and colorless.

Work didn’t fill the silence anymore. Neither did television, or the Jazz music he left running on low volume just to trick the room into feeling lived

in.

Yes ,he started to listen to jazz now

He had stopped counting how many times he checked his phone.

The last message from Taehyung“Tell him I’ll visit soon”, two weeks  ago sat at the at their chat before his last un-answered message , unread

 because Jin couldn’t be brave enough to send another again.

 

Yeontan seemed restless too. He wandered the apartment, tail low, whining at odd hours as if expecting someone to appear.

At night he sometimes sat facing the door, ears twitching, waiting.

“Not tonight either, Tan-ah,” Jin would whisper.

The puppy would turn, crawl onto his lap, and fall asleep with a sigh that sounded too human.

 

__________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That Friday, the cold deepened

Jin came home late from a meeting, loosened his scarf, and crouched to fill Yeontan’s bowl.

The steam from the food curled upward, warm against the chill air.

“Eat,” he said softly. “You must be hungry.”

Yeontan barked once, the sound bright in the dim apartment.

Jin smiled faintly

“You still think he’s coming, don’t you?”

He set the bowl down, sat beside it on the floor, and watched the little dog eat.

“You miss him too. Of course you do.”

“your Appa is mad at me, I am a bad person“

The words came easily now; he spoke to the puppy as if speaking through him was safer.

“I tried to make this place like before,” he went on, voice almost a murmur.

“But it’s worse somehow.” 

Yeah I am a bad  Appa too but-

He is worse than me

Yeontan looked up, muzzle shiny, and wagged his tail.

Jin chuckled, rubbing the fur between his ears.

“we’re the only one still hopeful, buddy”

He stayed there like that, hand resting lightly on the dog’s back, the television

flickering soundless light against the wall.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That night was cold enough to make the windows fog.

Jin sat on the living-room floor, a bowl of Yeontan’s food cooling beside him.

The puppy barked twice, impatient, tail thumping against the cabinet.

 

“Okay, okay,” Jin murmured, smiling faintly as he stirred the food.

“You’re worse than your appa.”

He said it without thinking, like he always did now.

The word appa slipped out naturally, soft but aching at the edges.

He set the bowl down and watched Yeontan eat. The little sounds,the crunch, the tiny snorts,filled the quiet house.

It was almost comforting. Almost.

Jin leaned his chin into his palm. “You still missing him too, don’t you?” he said quietly.

Yeontan looked up, tail wagging, as if agreeing

“Yeah,” Jin sighed. “I figured.”

 

He didn’t say out loud that he missed him every time the door stayed silent, every time his phone lit up and it wasn’t him.

 

It’s been a week now

A week of silence , loneliness with Yeontan only beside him to accompany him

As if he was keeping a piece of the boy with him still

A piece that never leave him , same as the one in his heart

Although his sweet shampoo scent had already fainted , He tried to hold it still in his nose

 

 

The puppy suddenly stopped eating then .

His head snapped up toward the front door, ears perked.

“What is it?” Jin asked, frowning slightly. “Someone outside?”

Yeontan barked once, sharp, excited. Then again, louder.

He trotted to the door, nose pressed to the crack, whining softly.

Jin chuckled. “No, no visitors tonight, Tan-ah.”

He reached over to ruffle his fur, but the dog wouldn’t move.

He kept staring at the door like something,or someone,was right behind it.

Jin tilted his head, puzzled. “What’s gotten into you?”

He stood, wiping his hands on a towel, and stepped closer to the entryway.

The porch light spilled a narrow glow through the frosted glass.

Nothing moved outside. Just the quiet street, a stretch of shadows and cold air.

“Probably it’s neighbour  again,” he murmured, half to himself.

 “You smell everything, huh?”

He smiled and bent down, scratching behind Yeontan’s ears.

 “No one’s there, silly. Let’s go back.”

But Yeontan stayed by the door, tail wagging faster now, whining low, nose twitching against the wood.

 

 

Jin frowned softly. “Tannie… who is it?”

He waited for a moment, listening.

Only silence answered, thick, heavy, but not empty.

Yeontan barked again, louder this time, claws scratching the wood.

 

Jin sighed, carrying him back to the living room.

 “You’re imagining things, buddy,” he said softly, kissing the top of his head.

“No one’s there tonight.”

But the puppy’s eyes stayed on the door, long after it closed again.

 

It seemed like both he and the puppy were longing for him now

Jin smiled, though his heart ached

 

Guess he wasn’t the only one fond of that boy anymore

At least he wasn’t alone in missing him

He is not alone now

Somehow… that made it hurt less.

 

Somehow…

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung stood with both hands clenched at his sides, heart pounding so hard it hurt.

He had come without thinking, feet leading him here before

his mind could stop them.

He could hear the muffled sound of Jin’s voice from inside, gentle, warm, familiar.

The sound made his eyes sting.

Through the door, he heard Yeontan’s bark,high, joyful,and the quick shuffle of Jin’s footsteps approaching.

He took a small step back, breath shaking.

He wanted to knock.

He wanted to see him, even just for a second.

 

But the memory of that night, the word girlfriend, the look on Jin’s face,stopped him.

He pressed a hand to his chest, rubbing softly as if that could quiet the ache.

 The cold wind stung his eyes, but he didn’t move.

Inside, Jin stood for another few seconds before giving up.

“No one’s there, Tan-ah,” he whispered. “Come here.”

The puppy barked once more, as if disagreeing,

And Jin voice was faintly. “You really miss him.”

Taehyung heard that too.

He bit his lip hard enough to taste salt, turned, and walked away before the door could open.

Yeontan barked again, louder this time, claws scratching the wood.

And somewhere down the street,

Taehyung stopped under a streetlight, wiping his face with the sleeve of his hoodie, whispering to the cold air,

“I know, Tannie. I miss you too.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Saturday , Hana came，

She didn’t warn him; she never did

She entered with her usual brightness, arms full of takeout and a new haircut

she kept brushing behind her ear as if waiting for him to notice.

“You’ve been hiding again,” she teased, stepping out of her shoes.

 

 “I was beginning to think you moved without telling me.”

 

Jin smiled politely, guiding her in.

“Just work,” he said. “Deadlines.”

 

Yeontan barked at the sound of her voice, then ran to Jin instead of to her.

 

She laughed, crouching down.

“how is the famous puppy doing?”

She reached out her hand. “Come here, little one.”

Yeontan sniffed, wagged his tail once, and then pushed himself deeper into Jin’s side.

 

“Shy?” Hana asked, amused

 

Jin scratched behind the dog’s ear “He’s picky with people”

Feeling defensive suddenly , but he can’t understand why ?

“Or protective,” she said, smiling up at him.

The word pulled something in his chest.

Protective

 

He remembered the way Taehyung’s hand had circled Yeontan possessively

whenever someone else reached out—the quiet frown, the muttered “He likes me more.”

Jin had laughed then. Now it only made him ache.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They ate together, or tried to. Hana talked about work, about friends, about a wedding she wanted them to attend together.

Jin nodded at the right times, smiled when she looked at him.

But the laughter didn’t fit right in his mouth anymore.

After dinner she leaned in to kiss him.

Her perfume was sweet, familiar, but the moment her lips touched his,

Her hands stroke his chest softly

his body froze

He saw a different face instead,messy hair, charcoal on the wrist, a trembling smile that said Maybe I just wanted to see you like this.

Hana pulled back slightly, frowning. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Jin said too quickly. “Just tired.”

She touched his cheek gently. “You always say that”

Her hand was warm, but it didn’t reach him.

He wanted to feel something,anything,but all he could think of was Taehyung’s laugh echoing off these same walls,

the way he’d once said He loves you more now

 

 

“Appa is discussing the engagement thing again , did he call you ?”

 

Jin felt his heart beating fast at that

 

“No “ he gulps hard

 

He had been avoiding that topic since his mother last visit

“I told them that you are busy now with your business and we will see “

 

“but you know them “

 

“Oppa , I have waited before and I can wait again ,” she gave him a gentle smile

 

But did you ?

 

He wants to asks that question but instead he just hums as an answer

 

 

 

“Hyung, ....I can wait ...”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When she left later, she kissed his cheek softly and said,

 

“Goodnight, boyfriend.”

The word hung in the air long after the door clicked shut.

 

Girlfriend

 

Boyfriend

The words didn’t seem to belong to him anymore.

He sat on the couch with Yeontan curled beside him, staring at the dim reflection in the window.

The puppy’s small body rose and fell with each breath, content and trusting.

Jin reached out, tracing a finger over Yeontan’s fur.

“You’re all I have of him right now,” he whispered.

Yeontan’s tail thumped once, as if he understood.

And Jin realized, not for the first time, that no matter how hard he tried to keep his world orderly,

 

It always came back to the same quiet truth—

 

 

Every sound, every smell, every heartbeat in this house still led back to him

 

To Taehyung.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

HI again 😉😂

 

I think this story is a late bloomer 🫣🤭, I saw many pepole started to read it recently

although it contains my messy writing and I am so glad you are enjoying it too!

Apologize again for the Angst and hurt in this story, :')

In general , I am a very Taejin domestic sucker, you can see it in this story somehow

and aslo in my other stories if you haved read them

but honstly this story came in a difficult time in my life

and I just let be , as a kind of healing , I hope it does the same for you too💜

 

Don't worry Taejin is happening , just need to trust thier journey

thannk you all for asking about my helath , I am very well now

please take care of yours too 💌💜

And I will see you sooon again☘️

please let me know your thoughts later about this chapter

Chapter 23: One ..Two ..Three

Summary:

The forest was quiet, but his heart wasn’t

Notes:

Your Kudos and comments has encouraged me to brings out all my drafts and my best to do in this story 🥲

I hope you enjoy this chapter too :) 💌

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The air was sharp with the first bite of the most cold winter when they reached the campsite,

their breaths puffing into little clouds.

The sun had already begun to sink, painting the edges of the mountains in soft orange,

and the group busied themselves with setting up tents and  unpacking bags.

 

Namjoon barked out orders like always, Jungkook and Jimin arguing over how to build the fire,

and setting the  tent ,Jin and Hyung-shik helping with the heavy boxes from the back of the van

 

It was Namjoon idea to camp with the boys that winter

 

“Hyung , like  old days ” he had said

 

Jin wanted to refuse , make absurd excuses:  work ,so he wouldn’t  face the reality again

 

face him

 

 

Is he going ?   he wants to ask

 

And as Namjoon can hear his thoughts

 

 

“Taehyungie and the boys are going too , I have informed them already

Is gona be fun Hyung , only boys outing !!” Namjoon’s hopeful tone on the phone

 

 

 

The promises of seeing him again , had forced him to agree

 

 

“Hyung-shik  hyung said he is going too”

 

“oh , that’s a big group already “ he chuckles trying  to lighten the mood

 

“but Tanie..”

“you can brings him here , omma can takes care of him , its only for few days hyung don’t worry“

 

”ok , then “ he nodded on the phone like the other can see s him

 

“ok hyung see you later “

 

 

 

He didn’t see him for almost month now , so when he saw him coming out from the big van Namjoon drove ,

 

he felt his breath hitched

 

He hadn’t meant to look

But when he did, the world seemed to still for a moment.

Taehyung stood a few meters away, bundled in a chocolate-brown coat that matched the knitted hat slipping slightly over his ears,

strands of long soft black thick curls escaping beneath it.

 

The color made his skin look even paler against the cold, his lips flushed pink from the wind.

 

He looked almost the same as before,maybe a little thinner, maybe quieter,

 

but still unbearably beautiful in the way winter light seemed to find him first.

Jin’s breath caught before he could stop it

A month had passed, yet the sight of him still felt like a wound reopening, sharp and familiar.

 

The boy was avoiding him completely , like he wasn’t there

 

It hurts

 

It hurts more than the un-answered messages

 

Because he had send some later

 

Even trying to to call him once , or twice  he can’t remember now

 

But all went un-answered

 

Ignored

 

 

He even tried to brings over Yountan to the Kim house many times before , just to let the boy play with him

 

He knew he would be missing him

 

Jin would fake excuses as work to let the dog stay there for a while

 

But every time , Taehyung wasn’t there

 

Later , when he would come to picks the puppy , he would smell that sweet scent on his fur

 

That was only his anchor lately

 

 

Taehyung had hold him,

 

He really envied Yeontan

 

 

It means he was there all the time

 

It means the boy  was hiding from him

 

He had told himself the boy would moved on eventually,

 

That maybe it was  better for both of them

 

That the boy is still young to be dragged to his mess

 

That everything will be ok at the end , life will goes on

 

That silence would dull it, but standing there, watching the boy laugh at something Minjae said,

 

Watching him moves on

 

Jin realized how foolish that was.

 

He had missed him

God, he had missed him more than he thought a person could miss anything.

 

 

Minjae hovered near Taehyung’s side, teasing him about his clumsy attempts at pitching his tent,

which only made Taehyung swat at him, laughing with a pout.

 

But Jin’s eyes were elsewhere. Always elsewhere.

 

Every time Taehyung’s laugh cut through the cool air, Jin felt it lodge under his ribs.

 

Every time Minjae leaned too close, his jaw tightened just slightly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The day stretched slow and golden, like the sun itself didn’t want to leave,

 

Same as the bitterness sense he was feeling at that moment

It had been almost a month since he last saw him,

He knew, because he had counted each and every day, minute, second he didn’t see him

A month since the fight, since the silence, since Jin’s name turned into something that felt like a bruise whenever it crossed his mind.

 

He told himself he was done

He told himself he didn’t care

But the moment he saw him again, his heart disagreed

 

 when he stepped out of the van that morning and saw him again,really saw him,
his heart forgot every lie.

Jin was standing near the back of the car with Namjoon and Hyung-shik, unloading boxes.

His hair had grown longer, the dark strands catching the pale mountain light,

falling into his eyes in a way Taehyung didn’t remember.

 

 

He wore sunglasses even though the sun was hiding behind clouds, sleeves pushed up to his elbows,

veins shifting lightly under his skin as he lifted another box.

The stretch of his forearm caught the light just enough to make Taehyung’s stomach tighten.

His heart thud..

 

 

One. Two, Three

 

 

It wasn’t fair

He was supposed to be angry, furious, even.

He was supposed to look at that man and feel nothing but disappointment.

But instead, his heart pulsed like it had been waiting for this moment the whole time.

 

Each thud louder than the one before.

Taehyung scoffed under his breath,

 

 “For god’s sake,” he muttered, dragging a hand through his hair.

“Now is not the time to be attracted to him”

Jimin, standing beside him, glanced up. “What?”

“Nothing,” Taehyung said quickly, looking anywhere but at Jin.

 

 

 

 

 

But his eyes betrayed him anyway, drawn back like gravity.

The man looked even broader somehow, his jaw set in quiet concentration,

his mouth pressed into that familiar half-frown he got when he was trying to focus.

He wasn’t even doing anything special,  just moving, lifting, talking quietly with Namjoon

and somehow, that was worse.

 

Because Taehyung’s body remembered everything he was trying to forget.

The warmth of Jin’s hands, the weight of his gaze, the way his voice dropped soft when he said his name 

 

“Taehyung-ah”

He swallowed hard, annoyed at the heat crawling up his neck.

 

 

 

 

He could already hear Jimin teasing him if he noticed how specific someone was looking at him

So he forced a grin, picking up his own bag with exaggerated effort.

“Let’s go, Minjae,” he said loudly. “I’ll help you set up the tent ”

 

But as he walked past the car, he felt Jin’s eyes lift for just a second,

a glance, quick and quiet, but enough to throw his heartbeat out of rhythm again.

 

 

One, Two. Three

 

And for all his talk of being angry,

Taehyung knew he was already losing that battle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The wind was colder in the mountains.

It carried the scent of pine and wood smoke, and every breath left a small cloud hanging in front of his face.

 

They had just arrived at the campsite, and Namjoon was already assigning jobs.

 

“Jin-hyung, you’re on firewood duty,” he said, half-joking, half-commanding.

 

“Got it,” Jin answered, rolling up his sleeves.

 

Taehyung didn’t mean to look.

He really didn’t

 

He forced himself to move, to focus on something,anything, else.

He joined Minjae by the tents, pretending to struggle with the ropes.

He laughed too loudly at his own mistakes, teased Jungkook for over-packing, and avoided the direction of the car entirely.

 

But every few minutes, his eyes betrayed him.

They found him again ,sleeves still rolled, jaw tight, muscles flexing as he lifted another load of firewood.

 

The sunlight broke through the clouds just long enough to catch the side of his face, and Taehyung’s chest did that thing again.

 

One. Two. Three

 

He pressed a palm against his hoodie, trying to calm it.

“Stop that,” he whispered under his breath, as if his own heart could hear him.

 

But when Jin shrugged out of his thick coat and set it aside, the thin white shirt beneath clung slightly to his shoulders,

 

too tight stretched over muscle , his chest’s muscles move in a way that made

 

 

Taehyung’s throat dry

 

He just remembered how those strudy muscles felt under his fingers  

 

God

 

He doesn’t feel cold?

Then to his own misery that day,  Jin lifted the axe easily, the movement sure and practiced,

 

veins and tendons shifting under his skin as he carried the heavy wood toward the clearing.

 

The sound of the axe striking the logs echoed through the quiet air,

sharp, rhythmic, steady

 

Taehyung’s chest felt tight

 

Heat spreading in his body

Why did his heartbeat sound louder now, this is ridiculous

 

One-Two-Three,

 

 like it was trying to count the space between each strike?

He crossed his arms, pretending to watch Jungkook and Jimin fumble with the tent poles.

He’s just chopping wood, he told himself. Nothing special.

 

But when Jin stopped to wipe the sweat from his brow, hair falling against his forehead,

the small, careless gesture sent warmth rushing to Taehyung’s ears

 

He tore his gaze away immediately, cheeks burning under the cold air.

 

This is really ridiculous.

He was supposed to be mad at him, not… whatever this was.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Jin finally passed by them, Taehyung felt the air shift,

Just the faint scent of his cologne , clean, faintly woody , was enough to make his stomach twist.

 

God help me

He didn’t even look at him, but the closeness made his skin prickle with awareness.

 

“Need help with the poles?”

 

“No,” Taehyung said too fast. “We’ve got it.” avoiding his gaze

Jin nodded briefly, polite, distant.

 

Their eyes met for a fraction of a second then, nothing more than that

but the world tilted anyway.

He broke the stare first, muttering something to Minjae that didn’t make sense.

He could feel the man’s gaze linger for a heartbeat longer before it was gone.

And just like that, his pulse picked up again , that same strange rhythm that had been haunting him since the morning.

 

One. Two. Three

 

It wasn’t anger

It wasn’t forgiveness either

It was something else , something that scared him more than both.

 

 

 

 

He told himself it was the altitude, or the cold, or maybe the lack of sleep.

Or maybe his body was craving the touch again

Anything but him

Anything but the man who could still make his heart beat like this after all the silence and hurt.

But as the day went on, and he kept catching himself watching the way Jin’s hands moved,

the way his voice carried softly across the campsite, Taehyung realized the truth he didn’t want to name.

 

He wasn’t just angry

He was still attracted to him

And that was the most confusing thing of all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the time the firewood was stacked, Jin had taken over the cooking too.

No one argued, no one could cook like him.

The smell of sizzling meat and garlic spread through the campsite.

Even Jimin and Jungkook, who usually claimed to be picky, hovered nearby like moths drawn to warmth.

They kept whispering about how good Jin looked while cooking,focused, calm, sleeves rolled, firelight catching on his skin.

Taehyung heard them

He wished he hadn’t

He didn’t know why his stomach twisted that way when Jimin giggled, or when Jungkook said,

“Hyung’s husband material for real.”

 

“Oooh Hyung , so cool” Namjoon had whisteled

 

Even Minjae  have paraised him

 

“It looked deliciuos , hyung-nim” 

 

He is calling him now Hyung-nim ?

 

Taehyung wants to roll his eyes

 

“Jin-ah is a real chef since we are younger“ he had heard Hyung-shik praising too

 

The man didn’t say anything , he just smiled , ears red

 

Taehyung hated it

 

He hated himself for caring

 

So when dinner was ready, he sat with his arms crossed, staring at the fire.

 

Sulking

Jimin nudged him. “Eat before it gets cold”

 

“Not hungry,” he said flatly

 

“Really? You were eating my ears off saying you were starving earlier”

 

“Changed my mind”

 

Jin didn’t say anything from across the fire

 

He just nodded once and went back to serving the others, his expression unreadable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The night grew darker, quieter

 

Everyone’s laughter faded into the crackle of the fire

 

Everyone except them

Taehyung was still staring into the flames when a shadow fell beside him.

 

A soft clink ,a plate being set down on the ground.

 

He looked up

Jin stood there, quiet, face calm but eyes gentle in the glow.

 

“I reheat it ,eat some before it gets cold,” Jin said softly.

His voice was low, even, but something about the quiet care in it made Taehyung’s chest ache.

He didn’t wait for an answer, just turned and walked back to the others,

the firelight catching faintly on his profile before he disappeared into the dim.

 

Taehyung stared at the plate for a long time.

Steam curled slowly from the food.

He wanted to stay angry

He wanted to

But his hand moved anyway, fingers curling around the edge of the plate, warmth bleeding into his skin.

And just like that, the cold night felt unbearable.

 

Not because of the air

but because of how much he missed the warmth that had placed that plate there

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By midday, Jimin could feel it , the tension.

It sat between them like smoke, quiet but impossible to ignore.

Taehyung hadn’t spoken to Jin since morning.

He laughed too loudly at Jungkook’s jokes, leaned too close to Minjae when they walked,

smiled a little too bright when he didn’t need to.

Anyone else might’ve thought he was just being playful, but Jimin knew better.

 

He’d seen this before, that strange, restless energy Taehyung got when he was trying not to feel something.

When Jin was nearby, Taehyung’s body went stiff, his shoulders straightened like armor.

 

When Jin wasn’t, his eyes flicked toward where he’d been last.

It was almost painful to watch.

 

 

Jimin sat by the fire pit, pretending to scroll through his phone while watching from the corner of his eye.

Jin was on firewood duty,and if there was ever a picture of quiet frustration, it was him.

 

He’d taken off his heavy coat and rolled up his sleeves, white shirt clinging to his shoulders as he carried the wood with practiced strength.

Each time the axe hit the log, the sound cracked through the mountain air , sharp, steady, a little too forceful.

Jimin winced at one particularly loud strike.

“Someone’s working through something,” he muttered under his breath.

Jungkook, crouched beside him, glanced up. “Huh?”

“Nothing,” Jimin said quickly, lips twitching.

 

But his gaze drifted again , to where Jin stood, muscles flexing with each swing, jaw tight,

 

eyes flicking just once toward Taehyung and Minjae before returning to his task

 

Yeah, Definitely something

 

 

Taehyung was standing a few meters away, head tilted toward Minjae, laughing at something he’d said.

It was the kind of laugh that sounded light, but Jimin caught the tiny stiffness at the edges,

 the way Taehyung’s eyes didn’t quite match his smile.

 

When Minjae reached over to flick a leaf from Taehyung’s hair, Jin’s axe hit the wood harder than before.

Jimin nearly jumped

 

 

Okay, that log did nothing wrong, he thought

 

 

Still, Jin just kept going , expression calm, movements controlled

Only his eyes betrayed him, dark and focused, tracking the scene without meaning to

 

Jimin sighed softly, rubbing the bridge of his nose

“Adults, my ass,” he muttered

 

“You two need a mediator”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Later, when they gathered for lunch, the tension didn’t ease.

Taehyung stayed between Jungkook and Minjae, deliberately avoiding the empty space beside Jin.

Every time Jin glanced up, Taehyung’s laughter grew louder, brighter , too much like a performance.

 

 

Jimin caught Jin’s eyes once across the fire.

There was no anger there, just exhaustion and something deeper , something that looked a lot like regret.

When Jin went to cook later, Jimin watched the others fawn over him again, oblivious.

And when Taehyung folded his arms and refused to eat, Jimin almost said something almost.

But the air around them was so fragile that even words might’ve broken it completely.

 

So he stayed quiet

 

He just watched as Jin placed a plate quietly beside Taehyung, said “Eat before it gets cold,” and walked away.

 

Taehyung didn’t move for a long time

Jimin pretended not to see the way his hand eventually reached out, trembling slightly, to pull the plate closer.

 

He looked down at the flickering fire and exhaled.

“Yeah,” he whispered to himself.

 

“You’re both hopeless”

 

 

 

The night had settled soft around them , a low hum of laughter, the crackle of the fire, and the faint hiss of pine resin burning slow.

Most of the group had gathered close now, shoulders brushing as they sat in uneven circles around the flames.

Namjoon and Hyung-shik were talking softly about the route for tomorrow’s hike,

Jimin was laughing at one of Jungkook’s bad jokes, and Jin… just sat there, bottle of Soju  in hand, pretending to listen.

 

 

The beer was cold, but his chest wasn’t

There was a slow, dull ache building beneath the calm , the kind that had no place to go.

Every few minutes, his gaze drifted across the fire on its own.

He told himself he was only looking at the flames, the way they flickered and bent,

but his eyes always found him.

 

Taehyung sat on the other side of the fire, bundled in his brown coat, his face soft in the glow.

He looked tired , not the kind of tired that came from hiking or cold, but the kind that lingered behind the eyes.

 

 

His head would tilt now and then, shoulder brushing Minjae’s as they laughed quietly about something.

Jin looked away, jaw tightening, then back again despite himself.

Taehyung’s laugh was smaller tonight, more contained, but it still carried through the smoke and cold air , 

 

that same sound that used to fill his

apartment every time Yeontan ran in circles around him, or when he licks his chin playfully .

He hadn’t realized how much he missed it until now

 

When Minjae leaned closer, murmuring something to him,

 

Jin felt his fingers curl tighter around the bottle

“Sleepy?” Minjae asked, voice low but clear enough through the fire crackle.

 

Taehyung smiled, eyes half-lidded.

 

“A little.”

He wasn’t looking at him

Not once

Not the entire night

And that , that hurt more than he wanted to admit.

 

He could feel the weight of Hyung-shik’s voice beside him then, low, almost cautious.

 

“Hey, Namjoon-ah,” he said, tone just above the sound of the flames,

 

“didn’t Taehyung and Minjae use to date back in college?, they are back together now?”

It was barely a whisper, probably not meant for him at all,

but Jin heard it

 

He wished he hadn’t

 

The words struck hard, sudden, like the snap of frozen wood in the fire.

Something hot crawled up his chest , anger, ache, he couldn’t tell the difference anymore.

 

 

Namjoon gave a soft, awkward laugh. “Uh, maybe. I think they are close”

 

 

 

Close

 

The word stung worse than it should have.

Jin forced a cough, tipping the bottle back, swallowing down whatever tried to rise with it.

 

 

 

Namjoon clapped his hands together suddenly  

“Alright, campers , sleeping arrangements. Three tents, six of us, Let’s figure this out before we all freeze to death”

 

“I’m already freezing,” Hyung-shik muttered, rubbing his arms.

 

“Then congratulations, you’re my partner,” Namjoon said cheerfully.

 

Hyung-shik gave him a flat look. “I take it back. I’ll risk hypothermia.”

 

The group laughed , the kind of laughter that rolled easy through the night air, warm and harmless

 

“Okay then,” Jimin said suddenly, raising a hand. “I’m sleeping with my soulmate”

 

Taehyung, who’d been silent for most of the evening, turned toward him with a faint, tired smile

 

“That’s me, I guess”

 

“Obviously,” Jimin said, throwing an arm over his shoulder.

 

“I don’t trust any of these idiots to share a tent without kicking me in their sleep.”

 

“Or stealing your blanket,” Jungkook added innocently.

 

“Exactly,” Jimin said, wagging a finger. “Soulmates only.”

 

“Alright. Namjoon and Hyung-shik, Jimin and Taehyung…”

 

“I’ll bunk with Jin-hyung,” Jungkook said quickly , maybe too quickly , shooting Jimin a quick, knowing look across the fire.

 

Jimin caught it and smirked. “Perfect”

 

Jin glanced up, slightly confused. “What?”

 

“Nothing, hyung,” Jungkook said smoothly, still fighting back a grin.

 

 “Just making sure you don’t snore too loud.”

 

“Funny,” Jin murmured, shaking his head.

 

That left Minjae looking around at the now-empty tents.

 

 “So… I’m the leftover”

 

Namjoon shrugged. “Every group needs a lone wolf.”

 

Minjae groaned. “Great. I’ll write poetry about my solitude”

 

Laughter rippled again, and for a brief second, everything felt light

 

Except for  him

 

He set his beer down beside him carefully, fingers trembling only slightly.

 

“Gonna take a walk for a bit ,” he murmured

He didn’t wait for a response, didn’t trust his voice to hold if someone asked him what was wrong.

He stood, brushing the ash from his coat, and turned away from the fire.

Behind him, laughter continued  soft, bright, belonging to someone else now.

He shoved his hands deep into his pockets, walking toward the dark edge of the campsite.

The cold bit at his face, sharp and clean, but it was still nothing compared to the sting in his chest.

Every step away from that circle felt heavier

like leaving behind something he never really had the right to want.

 

He did regret that he agreed to come

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The air was colder away from the fire

The forest stretched out in quiet shades of silver and blue, moonlight spilling through the thin mist that hung between the trees.

Jin shoved his hands deeper into his pockets, the crunch of dry leaves under his boots the only sound.

He’d told them he needed a walk before bed, and maybe he did , not for the air, but for the silence.

 

The silence that echo wherever he goes

 

He needed to breathe where no one was laughing, where no one said Taehyung’s name.

The night was still, except

 

There

A soft sound

A second pair of steps behind him, careful, hesitant.

He didn’t notice the sound at first

Light, hesitant, just a few paces behind

 

He slowed, listening

They slowed too

 

A ghost of a smile curved at his lips before he even turned around

He didn’t have to look to know

He’d recognize that kind of silence anywhere

Jin stopped walking for a moment,

 

Turning around

The boy slowed too, caught mid-step, then looked up with that almost-guilty expression that made Jin’s chest tighten.

 

“What are you doing?” Jin asked quietly

 

Taehyung’s hands disappeared deeper into his pockets.

“Just… walking.”

 

“With me?”

 

“Coincidentally,” he said, eyes darting away, his voice too casual to be convincing.

 

Jin huffed out a small laugh , barely more than a breath, but it left a white puff in the air.

 

He just realized  those words were their first spoken words to each other since that night

 

He turned back toward the path, continuing without another word.

But the corners of his mouth had already softened, the ache in his chest loosening,

 

just a little

 

The sound of footsteps returned behind him , slower this time, matching his pace.

No words passed between them, and maybe they didn’t need to.

 

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asked softly, eyes still on the path ahead

 

 

For a moment, there was only the whisper of wind, and then

 

“…No”

 

The voice was quiet, low , familiar enough to make something inside him ache and ease at once

“You shouldn’t wander alone in the woods at this hour,” Jin said seriously

 

Taehyung didn’t answer, so he went on, his tone teasing, deliberate somehow serious

“They say evil spirits walk around these woods at night. Hungry ones.”

 

Taehyung glanced up, suspicious. “You’re making that up”

 

 

“Am I?” Jin said, his voice dropping just enough to sound serious.

 

 

“They say the spirits look for people who walk behind others… too quiet… too slow…”

 

Taehyung stopped in his tracks. “Hyung..”

 

He had missed that voice

 

Jin kept walking, “Sometimes they grab their shoulders from behind”

 

 

“Hyung, stop”

 

Yeah ,it seems that the boy still fear the night

 

“Or whisper their name in their ear…”

 

He heared the hitched breath behind him

 

On the spot the trees branches moved around due to the wind whispering sounds

In the open night sky of the wood

 

He felt the boy stepping closer his body pressing to his coat’s sleeves from behind

 

Hesitant hands grasped his sleeve

 

He is really a scaredy-cat 

 

Still the same as little Taetae was

 

Then , he suddenly turned around

 

“TAEHYUNG “

 

“AHHHHH”

 

Jin burst out laughing , a real laugh, deep  ,full and bright, echoing through the trees.

 

 

He turned just in time to see Taehyung glaring, cheeks puffed, eyes wide and indignant

 

“HYUNG!”

“That wasn’t funny!” Taehyung huffed

 

 

“It was a little funny,” Jin said between deep laughs

 

 “You should’ve seen your face”

 

He then took slow steps closer to the younger boy , voice low

 

“What ?”

 

Stepping more closer

 

He watched his nervous eyes moved rapidly because of their close distance now

 

“you  scared?” he didn’t know why he wants to tease him more now

 

He watched Taehyung breath hitched before he scowled, bumping his shoulder into Jin’s as he passed.

 

 “I hate you”

 

“Sure you do” Jin teased, still smiling.

 

The words  ached behind , but he laugh it off

 

 

For a second, it felt like everything between them ,the silence, the distance,

the ache  had melted into the night air, replaced by something simple and familiar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jin’s laughter echoed through the trees , low, rich, unrestrained.

It rolled through the quiet forest like a wave, warm and startling and too deep in all the ways Taehyung wasn’t ready for.

And damn it, it did something to him.

 

His heart jumped, stumbling into that strange rhythm again

One. Two. Three.

 

He clenched his fists in his pockets, glaring down at the ground as if it was responsible.

His chest wouldn’t calm.

 

That same rhythm again

One. Two. Three

Too slow to be panic, too strong to be peace.

 

He pressed his hand over his heart, whispering into the dark,

 

“What’s wrong with you?”

 

Get it together, he told himself. He just scared you. You’re mad,

 

He tried to remind himself

 

But when the man pressed closer , he forgets how to breath

 

That low deep voice whispering “What ?..Are you scared?”

 

It was his first time hearing that deep voice coming from the man himself

 

And now it was in his head, playing on loop, until his ears felt hot from remembering.

 

He turned back quickly, muttering curses under his breath, walking faster until the distance stretched again between them.

 

He walked faster, didn’t know where he was going

 

But he kept walking

 

Maybe if he kept moving, the pounding in his chest would stop keeping pace with his steps.

 

But he could still feel the man’s presence behind him  warm, steady,

close enough to pull the air out of his lungs.

 

He didn’t understand why he had followed him from start ?

 

He saw him leaving the campsite , and Taehyung couldn’t stop his feet from following

 

As he was tide to him

 

 

 

 

“I wouldn’t go that way if I were you “

 

Leaves crunched louder under his boots.

 

“You’re not funny anymore! hyung” he called over his shoulder, voice sharper than he meant it to be

“I used to make you laugh before , it was part of the deal “ the man voice was low , steady but somehow strained suddenly

 

Taehyung felt his heart stumbled at those words

 

He was using his words against him now

 

He felt his earlier anger coming back again

 

Taehung turned around fast ready to snap back at him

 

Thud

 

He turned at the wrong moment and bumped straight into him.

Hard broad chest, solid warmth, the faint scent of that pine and soap ,cologne  and everything that made his brain stop working

 

 

His breath caught

 

He raised his head and saw those deep eyes looking down at him now

 

Suddenly the cold was gone; it was like morning heat had returned all at once, blooming beneath his skin

 

He felt the man pressing closer , their nose brushed softly ,

 

His heart stumbled again

One. Two. Three.

 

Taehyung closed his eyes , feeling overwhelmed due to their distance

 

His brain sending warning signals : is dangerous again

 

He tried to take steps back , to put a distance

 

But he felt a strong hand suddenly around his waist , dragging him to collide against that hard chest again instead

He looked up shocked

 

Heart now thuds fast , …un steady

 

The man’s thumb moved, barely, tracing the edge of his coat where fabric met skin.

Taehyung couldn’t move, couldn’t think; he just stood there, caught between shock and the pull of something he didn’t dare name.

Jin leaned in, his voice low and deep ,enough that Taehyung felt it more than heard it,

 

warm breath brushing the corner of his lips.

 

“Come to think of that deal,” he murmured, hard eyes cutting through his,

 

 “I have my own terms and conditions too”

 

The words slid through the air like a secret, leaving Taehyung trembling, breathless,

dizzy

 

 

“I want you to be mine too “ Taehyung felt the grip on his waist tightened

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Completely “

 

Notes:

🤭

I do agree actually Taejin are so chaotic and dramatic in love

Happy Weekend in Advance 💜

Chapter 24: I'll come to you

Summary:

Even if I leave for a while out of longing
그리움에 잠시 떠나있어도

I promise I will come to you
약속해 I will come to you

If you need me, I will come to you

 

I will come to you - Jin 2024

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Come to think of that deal,” 

 

 “I have my own terms and conditions too"

 

 

 

The words slid through the air like a secret, leaving Taehyung trembling, breathless,

dizzy.

 

“I want you to be mine too “ Taehyung felt the grip on his waist tightened, fingers pressing through the fabric of his coat.

 

 

 

“Completely “

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung’s eyes widened; his pulse thudded so loudly it drowned everything else.

He looked up into those dark eyes, saw the flicker of something wild , need, maybe.,

He felt Jin’s body press closer until there was no space left between them.

He could feel the man’s heartbeat through his chest, strong and steady, while his own stumbled, uneven.

 

He felt the man pressing closer more than before ,the grip on his waist isn’t loosen , till the physical distance vanished Totally between them ,

 

His gaze fell helplessly to those lips , the same lips that had ruined his sleep for weeks.

 

Focus

 

 

You are Mad , Angry

 

“Hyung…” Taehyung felt his voice trembled, breaking in the middle

 

The man only hummed as an answer , his eyes and hot breath only on his lips now

 

Taehyung’s eyes fluttered shut as he felt the ghost of a touch ,

 A soft brush of lips that barely met his,

Warm, fleeting, enough to steal his breath

Why is so warm here now ?

 

 

He wanted to give in, to melt into that warmth, to forget everything but this

 

But suddenly as his brain has just waken up from his freeze ,his thoughts jolted awake again,

 

sharp and painful

 

“what ..about her ?” he is stuttering again ,  

 

The words tore out before he could stop them,

 

He opened his eyes slowly, his chest rising fast,

 

 

 

“What about her” Jin’s eyes was still on his lips , voice low ,quiet somehow,

 

 That hurt more than if he’d yelled.

 

Taehyung felt his heart stumble again ,

 

 shattered

 

What do you mean ? what about her ?

 

“ I want you ….completely “  voice shaking despite himself.

His hands ,traitorous, trembling , grasped Jin’s coat, pulling him closer even as his chest burned.

 

 

Great Kim Taehyung you are giving in again !

 

“I am yours still “ he felt the man’s  other hand came and surround his waist too

 

“But you have to be mine too , ….....don’t let him touch you again “

 

Grip tightening

 

Who?

 

But then it hit him ,the way Jin’s words felt like command, not confession

The same ache, the same distance disguised as closeness

 

His anger flared.

He pushed hard at Jin’s chest, breaking their contact

The cold rushed back instantly

Putting physical distance

 

“So she will still be there ? …you will still be with her ?” frustrated silents tears falling down his face now

 

Taehyung didn’t intent to raise his voice on his hyung ,but he felt his frustration reaching his limit

 

He watched the man shocked face because of his hard push and raised voice

Echoing in the quiet night

Jin’s face went still — startled, silent

 

“Taehyung, I—”

 

But he didn’t wait for him to finish.

He stepped back, shaking his head. “Don’t. Just—don’t.”

Jin reached out instinctively, but Taehyung moved away faster, stumbling over the uneven ground.

His vision blurred; his chest ached too much to care where he was going.

 

Then — crack.

 

His foot twisted against a rock, and he fell forward, the sharp pain shooting up his leg.

“Ah—!”

He hit the cold ground, breath leaving his lungs

 

Pain flared bright at his ankle, but it was nothing compared to the ache clawing inside his chest.

 

“Taehyung!”

Jin’s voice cut through the dark, sharp with worry

 In seconds, he was at his side, kneeling beside him, hands reaching for him like instinct.

 

“Let me see,” he said, voice shaking slightly, all the earlier heat replaced by concern.

 

 

Taehyung looked at him through wet lashes, the pain blurring everything.

He wanted to shove him away, wanted to pull him close ,he didn’t even know anymore.

 

It’s hurt

 

Hurts so bad

 

But his heart was more hurt at that moment

 

But what he expect ? , that his hyung will actually leave his girlfriend for him?

Girlfriend

 

He bit his lip hard, trying to hold back a sob

But it came anyway , small, broken, pulled straight from his heart.

And Jin just knelt there beside him, silent, hand hovering helplessly near his ankle,

his face caught somewhere between guilt and something that looked an awful lot like heartbreak.

 

“Let me see , please “ he said again, softer this time.

 

“I’m fine,” Taehyung muttered, pushing his hand away.

He tried to stand, but the moment he put weight on his foot, a sharp pain shot up his leg.

“Taehyung—”

 

“I said I’m fine!” His voice cracked, the sound thinner than the night air.

 

He managed a few unsteady steps before the limp showed.

Every crunch of leaves under his shoe was followed by a small hitch of breath, almost a sob, but he kept moving forward.

 

 

God why he is so mess

He shouldn’t cry

Infront of him

 

He don’t want to look like a small kid

But still

Everything hurt right now

Jin followed at his side, silent but close enough that Taehyung could feel the warmth of him.

“Stop being stubborn,” Jin said quietly.

“You’re hurt.”

Yes, so bad

What you gona do about it ?

“Then let me be,” Taehyung whispered without looking back.

 

“I can still walk”

 

The path back to the camp was dim, lit only by the fractured silver of the moon

through the trees.

 Each step scraped through the quiet, soft, uneven, painful.

 

Jin tried again. “You’re going to make it worse”

 

“I already did,” Taehyung said under his breath.

 

He wasn’t  talking about his ankle

 

He wasn’t sure if Jin heard him, but the words hung between them like smoke.

 

 

 

 

His tears came quietly, unnoticed at first; the kind that slid down on their own, cold against his cheeks.

He wiped them harshly with the back of his sleeve, pretending it was just the wind.

 

Why he is so upset now ?

 

He knew the man likes women since ages

 

He has one

 

When they started all this , then why now he is crying about it

 

When the firelight from the camp finally appeared ahead,

Jin spoke once more, barely audible

“Let hyung help you, please.”

“come , I will carry you “ he watched the man crouching down in front of him

 

Taehyung didn’t answer. He just kept limping forward, jaw tight, shoulders trembling.

So Jin couldn’t find any other way than walking behind him all the way back,close enough to catch him if he fell,

but far enough to respect the distance Taehyung was still fighting to keep.

 

 

 

 

By the time they reached the campsite, the fire had burned low, glowing embers breathing faint light into the circle of tents.

The laughter from earlier had faded into silence.

Only Jungkook was still awake, crouched near the fire, arms full of extra blankets.

“Hyung,  Jimini hyung—” Jungkook started, his voice breaking the stillness.

 

Then he froze

 

Taehyung stopped just short of the firelight, head down, shoulders drawn tight.

His ankle protested with every step, but he kept moving.

The warmth of the flames only made his tears sting more against his cheeks.

Jungkook’s eyes widened when he saw the limp, the shimmer of wetness on Taehyung’s face

“What happened?” he asked, voice rising in alarm as he looked between the two of them

 

“Nothing,” Taehyung said quickly, wiping at his face with his sleeve.

 His voice came out rough, tired.

He moved past them, heading toward the tent he shared with Jimin, refusing to even glance in Jin’s direction.

Jin’s jaw tightened, his hand flexing at his side like he wanted to reach out, but didn’t.

Jungkook looked between them again, the tension thick enough to choke on.

“Uh… right,” he said slowly, trying to sound casual.

“So… small change in sleeping plans.”

Taehyung stopped mid-step. “What?”

“Jimini hyung fell asleep in our tent,” Jungkook explained, rubbing the back of his neck.

 “So… you’ll have to share with Jin-hyung tonight.”

The world went still

 

 

 

“What?!” they both said at the same time, their voices overlapping in a mix of disbelief and panic.

 

 

NO

Big No

 

Jungkook blinked, caught between them like a deer in headlights.

“It’s just one night!” he said, half laughing, half terrified.

 “There’s only one blanket left, so—uh, yeah, good luck?”

Taehyung’s mouth opened, then closed again.

“but my bags…” Jin said

“I moved them already there  “ why Jung kook voice seamed

 

Very excited

Taehyung could feel Jin’s eyes on him, heavy, unreadable.

“I’ll sleep outside,” Taehyung muttered, heading for the nearest tent flap.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jin said quietly behind him.

“It’s freezing.”

“I’ve handled worse.”

Jin sighed, the sound tired and low. “Then I’ll take the floor.”

Jungkook, sensing the growing storm, quickly mumbled,

“Right, okay, great teamwork,” before disappearing into his own tent with a speed that would’ve been funny if the air weren’t so heavy.

The night settled again, thick and awkward.

Taehyung didn’t look back as he unzipped the tent, limping inside.

Jin followed a moment later  the soft rustle of the fabric, the faint scent of his cologne  and somehow, the small space felt smaller than ever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The tent was small , too small for everything unsaid between them.

The faint rustle of fabric, the soft hum of the wind outside, the distant crackle of dying fire , they all pressed close,

wrapping around the silence like a second skin.

Taehyung sat with his back to the entrance, one knee drawn up, his injured foot stretched stiffly forward.

He pretended to fuss with his sleeping bag, avoiding the sound of Jin’s movements behind him , 

the quiet unzipping of his coat, the soft thud of boots placed neatly aside.

 

“Let me see it,” Jin’s voice came, low but firm

 

“There’s nothing to see,” Taehyung muttered, tugging the blanket tighter around his leg.

“Taehyung” His name came out slower this time, heavier.

 

When he didn’t answer, Jin simply crouched down in front of  him.

The small space filled instantly with the scent of cold air and the faint trace of soap.

And that woody cologne

Taehyung start to feel it begun to cloud his senses now

He couldn’t look away from him, he toof-off his thick coat and was wearing the same white tight shirt from earlier

Move away  -he felt his mind whispers

Before Taehyung could move away, Jin’s hand slid the blanket aside gently, revealing the ankle already swollen beneath the edge of his sock.

 

Taehyung tensed, trying to pull back, but Jin caught his foot lightly , not forcing, just steady.

“Don’t move,” he said softly.

He watched how the man Adam's apple move when he gulps inspecting his injured ankle close

 

Taehyung’s pulse jumped

He wanted to tell him not to touch, but the words got stuck somewhere between his throat and his heartbeat.

Jin’s hands were warm, careful

 

So Soft

He brushed the fabric away and pressed his thumb lightly near the swelling, checking the spot with quiet concentration.

Taehyung hissed when it hurt, and immediately Jin’s grip eased.

“Sorry,” Jin murmured, the word falling like a breath.

Then softer, “Does it hurt here?”

The warmth of his fingers burned through Taehyung’s skin.

 He couldn’t tell if it was pain or something else that made him dizzy.

He just nodded, unable to speak.

Jin sighed loudly ,frowned, lifting his eyes to meet his.

 “You shouldn’t have walked on it,” he said quietly.

 “You make it worse.”

 

Taehyung looked away, biting his lip.

 

 “You make everything worse,” he whispered, almost too quietly for Jin to hear.

But Jin heard.

He sighed again , standing up , he saw him rumbling inside his bag for a bit then sitting back slightly, then reached for the small first-aid kit tucked near his bag.

He found a wrap and a cooling pack, the motions steady, practiced.

 

“Hold still,” he said again.voice sofgt still

 

Taehyung did

He watched the man’s fingers work , gentle, precise , as he pressed the heating bag

On his swollen ankle

Then with a practise ease , he applied the cooling cream

“Ah ..”

“I am sorry “ he watched the man ducking his face , blowing on the injured area

Thud

Thud

Thud

Taehyung’s heart was beating again , following that strange rythms again

The man’s shirt had slipped low a bit due to his bending head , showing his sharp collarbones and hard chest

And Taehyung felt the heat spreading on his body again, he moved his eyes fast

Looking at random things around the tent , anything but him

 

God

 

At lat Jin wrapped the bandage around his ankle then

Every brush of skin felt deliberate, too soft to be accidental.

Taehyung could feel the heat climbing to his face, spreading to his chest.

He hated that his heart betrayed him so easily.

He should’ve been angry, not turned on ?

He should’ve pushed him away.

But all he could do was stare at those strong hands, those long fingers that had once brushed his cheek in the snow.

He wanted to hate how tender they were.

“There,” Jin murmured finally, tying the bandage neatly.

His palm lingered a second longer than it should’ve, warm and solid against Taehyung’s skin.

“Better?”

Taehyung’s throat felt dry. He nodded quickly, eyes on the side still avoiding his

Face flushed for another reason now ,

“Yeah.”

Jin exhaled, his shoulders relaxing

“Then try to rest.”

He moved back to his side of the tent, the distance between them returning ,but the warmth of his touch refused to fade.

Taehyung lay down at the very far of the tent , back turned,

He couldn’t shake the idea of them sleeping together under the same roof , wiith the man warm body only few  centimeters away

He tried to stop moving ,pretending to sleep.

But his heart wouldn’t slow.

He pressed his hand on his thumping heart again

Every time he closed his eyes, he felt that warmth again ,Jin’s voice, Jin’s hands, the way he said his name.

The ache in his ankle dulled, but the one in his chest only grew sharper.

He didn’t know what this was anymore , anger, longing, or both.

He only knew one thing for certain:

No matter how hard he tried,

he couldn’t stop counting again.

 

One. Two. Three.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The tent had gone still,

Only the wind outside moved, brushing against the thin canvas walls with a faint, whispering sound.

Taehyung lay on the other side, his back to him , shoulders tense beneath the coat he still refused to take off.

Jin laid in the dim light for a while, eyes fixed on the curve of the younger’s back.

 

This stubborn boy

 

He could see the slight rise and fall with each breath.

 

Too quick. Too shallow

 

He had cried a lot that night

Jin wasn’t planing to makes him cry , but his jealous heart couldn’t bear watching

The boy laugh with him , smile to him

Jin couldn’t handle the idea of him moving on, to be with someone else

 

To be held by someone else

 

When he cornered the younger about the deal earlier , he wanted to tease him

But under-neath his Jealous heart was talking , that dark spirit has taken over his body suddenly

Specially after been ignored by him for all this time

But after he saw his crying face and tears , Jin couldn’t help but to feel guilty

Then that clumsy boy hurt-ed his ankle

It looked so bad earlier , he just wish the swollen will get better tomorow

 

God how he dare to upset his baby ?

 

He hates himself for that now

 

He sighed quietly

Even in sleep  or whatever counted as sleep  Taehyung was still fighting him.

He’d offered the blanket earlier.

Taehyung had just mumbled, “I’m fine,” pulling his coat tighter, as if comfort itself was something he didn’t deserve.

But now, watching him shiver, Jin felt something twist inside his chest.

The fire outside had long died down, and the cold had crept into the floor, biting through the thin fabric beneath them.

He reached for the only blanket, then his thick coat earlier

For a moment, he hesitated  his hand hovering midway ,afraid of waking him, afraid of crossing another line he wasn’t sure existed anymore.

But the sight of Taehyung’s small, involuntary tremble made the decision for him.

Quietly, Jin moved closer,on his knees

The tent floor creaked softly under his weight.

He stopped just behind him, close enough to feel the faint warmth still radiating from his body, mixed with the chill of the air.

Carefully, he laid the his thick coat first then the blanket over him, smoothing it across Taehyung’s shoulder,

then he carefully on his feet , more softly

 

Making sure it covers his injured ankle too

The younger stirred a little but didn’t wake.

 

“Idiot,” Jin whispered under his breath, voice trembling with more than the cold.

 

“Why so stuborn ? ”

 

He watched the shivering ease, the breaths grow steadier, slower.

In the dim light, Taehyung’s thick curls fell slightly over his eyes,

 

lashes trembling against his flushed cheek.the corners of his lips softened now that he’d stopped pretending to be angry.

 

God how he had missed those lips

 

But the boy had denied him any touch earlier

 

It still hurt

 

Jin hadn't meant to reach out, but his fingers brushed aside a stray strand of hair before he could stop himself.

 

He withdrew quickly, swallowing hard, his eyes fixed on the small space between them.

He went and bring the extra blanket he brings earlier from his bag

Then he lay back, careful not to let the air between them move too much, and rested his arm under his head, facing his small, lonely back.

The tent felt warmer almost immediately , not because of the blanket, but because of him.

Jin stared at the faint outline of the boy beside him, at the quiet rise and fall of his chest,

And quietly, in the dark, Jin let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

 

“God ,I missed you,” he whispered , barely sound, more like a thought that escaped by accident.

 

The only reply was the soft rhythm of Taehyung’s breathing.

 

But somehow, that was enough

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The forest was darker this time

 

No firelight, no tents, no voices.

Only trees , endless, black, whispering.

He was running again.

Barefoot, breath tearing through his chest, heart pounding like it was trying to break free.

“Hyung!” he shouted into the cold, his voice echoing, swallowed by the wind.

Nothing answered.

Branches clawed at his coat as he stumbled forward.

The ground beneath him was soft, damp , like earth that had just swallowed rain. Every step sank deeper.

 

 

“Seokjin-hyung!”

His voice cracked this time,

The sound broke into smaller pieces, like glass hitting the dark.

Something moved in the distance , just a shadow between the trees, just far enough that he couldn’t see the face.

He ran faster.

But every time he got closer, the shadow drifted away, the edges blurring, melting into the mist.

“Wait—please!”

A whisper followed him.

Not loud, not clear, but everywhere at once  voices brushing against his ears.
Taehyung… Taehyung…

He spun around, eyes wide.

“Who’s there?”

The whispers didn’t stop.

They came from the ground, the branches, the wind.

Like the forest itself was calling his name.

He ran again, but the trees grew thicker now, the path twisting in ways that didn’t make sense.

He tripped, fell to his knees, dirt cold beneath his palms.

When he looked up, the sky had disappeared just fog, heavy and black, pressing down.

 

 

 

And then, somewhere far away, he heard it ,

the sound of water.

He froze

His heartbeat slowed for one second , one long, sharp second , before the whispers turned into a child’s voice.

Soft. Familiar.

“Taetae…”

His breath caught.

That voice ,he hadn’t heard it in years, not even in dreams.

He turned slowly, every muscle trembling

Through the haze, he saw a small figure , short, blurry, holding something like a red toy or maybe a flower.

The child’s face was hidden, but the voice was clear.

“Why did you leave me?”

Taehyung’s eyes widened, tears stinging before he even knew why

“I—I didn’t,” he whispered. “I tried to find you—”

The ground trembled beneath him

The sound of water grew louder, rushing, rising , a river that wasn’t there before.

He stumbled backward as the mist turned into waves, cold and black, pulling at his feet.

He screamed for help “Hyung!”

 

 but his voice broke off, the wind swallowing it whole.

And just before the darkness could reach his chest

 

Someone grabbed his wrist.

“Taehyung!”

A voice, this time real.

Rough, deep, trembling.

He gasped awake

He woke with a start.

His chest rose and fell too fast, breaths shallow and uneven.

The dream clung to him , the forest, the darkness, the whispers, that voice , all still echoing somewhere behind his ribs.

For a second, he didn’t know where he was

His hands reached out blindly, clutching at the empty air until they met fabric , thin nylon walls, the faint rustle of a tent.

The world was quiet again

Too quiet

The fire outside had died to a faint orange flicker, and the wind whispered against

the tent’s side, brushing it like ghostly fingers.

There was a dull pain on his left ankle

He blinked, eyes darting through the dim, half-dark space, heart hammering against

his ribs as if he were still running.

His shirt was damp with sweat, sticking to his back.

His hair clung to his forehead

He could feel the tremor still in his fingers, the cold that had followed him out of the dream.

Then, through the haze of fear, a scent reached him , warm, familiar, grounding.

Wood. Soap. That faint, clean spice that always lingered around one person.

 

Taehyung looked down slowly and realized he was wrapped in a heavy coat, soft around his shoulders.

The man’s coat

The same one he’d been wearing earlier that night.

Under it, another layer , a blanket he didn’t remember pulling over himself.

He swallowed hard, the back of his throat tight

A small sound escaped his throat before he could stop it ,half gasp, half sob

He pressed the heel of his hand against his mouth, but the tremble wouldn’t stop.

It wasn’t the nightmare anymore

It was the quiet that followed it, the way his body still believed he was lost.

 

“Taehyung?…”

 

The voice came low, rough with sleep

He turned his head toward it instinctively

 

Jin had stirred beside him, propped slightly on one elbow, eyes barely open.

His hair was messy, his face caught between confusion and concern.

“Hey…” His voice was soft, thick with sleep

“What’s wrong?”

Taehyung didn’t answer right away

His throat ached too much to form words

He just looked at him , the faint light outlining Jin’s face, the small crease between his brows, the warmth in his half-lidded eyes.

He just watched the man  had pushed himself up, hair tousled, eyes half-open, confusion melting into worry as he saw him.moving closer to his

side when he didn’t receive any reply from him

 

Taehyung felt his body still shivering from that dream , still caught between dreamland and reality

“Hey… what—”

He didn’t finish

Taehyung moved before thought could catch up  a desperate motion.

He throw himself forward on the man’s hard chest and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face into the warmth of his chest…sobbing loudly now

He felt him  froze for a heartbeat

Then, slowly, his arms came up around him , tentative, steady, holding.

The world outside stayed dark, the wind still whispering against the tent.

 But inside, everything went still.

 

Taehyung’s fingers clutched at the fabric of Jin’s shirt, knuckles white.

 His body shook with quiet sobs that had no words.

Jin said nothing. He didn’t ask.

Then he softly whisper   “Bad dream ?”

But Taehyung only cried harder at the soft voice

The man just held him, one hand on the back of his head, thumb brushing gently through his hair.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He woke to the sound of gasping.

Not loud , just small, broken breaths, the kind that made his heart lurch before his mind could catch up.

At first he thought it was the wind, or maybe a dream he hadn’t fully shaken off.

But then he heard it again.

Sharp. Sobs.

 

“Taehyung?”

 

His voice came out rough, thick with sleep.

He pushed himself up on one elbow, blinking into the dim tent light.

The boy sat a few feet away, curled forward, shoulders trembling under the blanket he’d covered him with.

His hair clung to his face, damp, the sound of his breathing uneven, desperate , like he’d been running from something.

 

 

Jin’s confusion vanished in a blink.

“Hey—hey, what’s wrong?” he whispered, sitting up fully now.

But Taehyung didn’t answer.

 

He just looked at him ,eyes wide, unfocused, glassy with tears , and before Jin could think, he moved.

 

It wasn’t graceful. It wasn’t planned.

The younger just lunged forward, arms coming around him in a shaky, t

ight grip, burying his face into Jin’s chest like the air had run out everywhere else.

 

Jin froze, breath caught mid-inhale.

 

For half a second, his hands hovered uselessly in the air.

Then instinct took over.

He wrapped his arms around him , gently, carefully, as if he were afraid the boy might shatter.

 

“Bad dream ?”

 

But he felt the boy crying harder after that

What gotten into him suddenly?

 

“Hey… it’s okay,” he murmured quietly, not even sure if Taehyung could hear him.

 

“You’re okay now”

The words were automatic, soft and useless, but he said them anyway

The boy might heard him because his grip tighten around him . burying his face deeper

 

He could feel the tremors running through the younger’s body , sharp at first, then slower,

fading only when Jin’s palm began tracing small circles across his back.

He didn’t ask what happened again

 

He didn’t need to

 

The sound of those broken sobs, muffled against his chest, told him enough.

 

Whatever it was, it wasn’t just a dream

 

Maybe is a night mare ?

 

And jin felt guilty for trying to scare the younger earlier , he knew how the younger

 

Was afraid from the night and the darkness

 

God , he is a terrible person

 

He tighten his hold around those lean shoulders

 

his eyes flickered down to the top of Taehyung’s head, the damp strands of hair that brushed against his chin.

He could smell his shampoo , faint vanilla and smoke from the fire , and the scent hit him harder than he expected.

He closed his eyes, trying to steady the ache that rose quietly in his throat.

He hadn’t seen Taehyung cry like this in years , not like this.

 

Not like he was holding the world together with his bare hands.

So he just held him

Through the shaking. Through the silence.

Through the soft, broken breaths that came between each sob.

 

 

The blanket slid off Taehyung’s shoulder, and Jin tugged it back up,

 

Jin felt the sobs quieten a little, the boy’s breathing still shaky but no longer breaking.

“Let’s lay you down, hm?” he murmured softly, careful, like one wrong tone might make him cry again.

 

Taehyung didn’t answer

He only nodded faintly against Jin’s chest, face still pressed there, his small breaths warm through the fabric.

 

“Okay,” Jin whispered, guiding him down gently.

He eased Taehyung back onto the sleeping bag, trying to move slow enough not to startle him.

The boy’s hand, still fisted in his shirt, trembled but didn’t let go.

 

Jin reached for the blanket, meaning to cover him, but the moment he shifted away,

Taehyung’s fingers tightened , desperate, clinging , his head shaking weakly, eyes wet and pleading.

 

“I’m just covering you,” Jin murmured, voice barely a breath.

 

But then came the sound that undid him , small, cracked, trembling.

 

“Hyung… please don’t leave me.”

 

He froze, his heart twisting in a way he hadn’t felt in years

 

The words broke against his chest like glass.

 

 

 

I thought you don’t me

 

Close

 

 

 

 

 

For a moment, all he could do was stare at that tear-streaked face, at the way Taehyung looked up at him , 

afraid, exhausted, so young again.

 

“I’m not,” Jin said finally, voice rough and low.

“I’m right here.”

He didn’t try to pull away again.

Instead, he lay down beside him, close enough that their warmth mingled.

He pulled the blanket up, this time covering them both.

Taehyung’s face stayed pressed to his chest, his breath still uneven, but the trembling slowly faded.

 

Jin rested a hand against his back, rubbing small circles, his other hand started to creasing his hair softly  until the boy’s breathing evened out completely

 

Under the dim light, with the sound of the wind outside and the faint rhythm of the heartbeats between them,

 Jin let his eyes close too.

He didn’t know who needed the warmth more

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It took a while for the shaking to stop.

The tears had dried, but his body still trembled in small, leftover waves, like the nightmare hadn’t fully let go of him yet.

Then he felt the man’s hand found its way to his hair , slow, steady strokes that chased the fear away one touch at a time.

It was strange how safe it felt, being held like this.

His face was still pressed to Jin’s chest, the soft cotton of his shirt damp from his tears.

Every breath the man took brushed against his temple, slow and deep, pulling Taehyung’s breathing into the same rhythm.

 

In that silence, the world outside faded , the cold, the wind, the whispering shadows.

All that remained was warmth.

Jin smelled like his cologne, wood and something faintly clean, like soap and pine mixed with the smoke from the fire earlier.

It wasn’t overpowering , it was comforting ,soft, so him, familiar

The soft touch on his hair continued, gentle enough that it almost felt like a song.

And then he realized there was one , a quiet hum, low and rough with sleep.

A lullaby, barely there, an old tune he couldn’t quite remember but somehow knew he’d heard before.

Maybe when he was small.

 

Maybe

 

The ache in his chest began to fade with each hum.

The faster beats in his heart , the ones that had thudded in panic , began to slow, falling into rhythm with his.

One

Two

Three

But softer now

He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that , time blurred when he was this close.

He just knew he could finally breathe again

 

“Feeling better now?” Jin’s voice came quietly, just above a whisper, rumbling softly against his ear.

Taehyung didn’t trust his voice to work, so he only nodded, the small movement brushing his hair against Jin’s chin.

 

“Good,” Jin murmured, his hand still in his hair.

The sound of his voice, the warmth of his touch , it all melted into the same safety.

 

And without thinking Taehyung titled his head up , enough to feel that

Warm breath on his face now , eyes still closed he just let his instinct leads him

He felt the warm body beside him froze at that, the hands stroking his hair still their movements

Taehyung titled his head up more till he felt his nose bump his

 

Then everything still for seconds only

 

Before he felt those warm lips touch his, a soft press of lips, hesitant, gentle 

 

God, he’d missed this. Missed him—so much it hurt

 

 

The man’s hand slid up through his hair, angling his head slightly, deepening the kiss just enough to say I’m here.

It wasn’t rushed; it was fragile, careful, as if either of them might shatter if they pushed too far.

But the ache only grew.

Because he already was broken.

 

Thud

Thud

Thud

Not now

His heart pounded, louder than before

 

What is gotten in you again?

 

He clutched at Jin’s shirt, fingers curling in the fabric, pressing closer as if proximity could quiet his heart.

He felt  arm tightened around his waist, drawing him in until there was no distance left to hide behind.

The hand on his hair now sliding harder  between his strands dragging him closer still

 

Thud

Thud

Thud

Overwhelmed, Taehyung broke the kiss first.

He hid his face in that warm chest again, breathing hard, his pulse still racing.

 

The man didn’t move

He just held him, one arm secure around his back, the other tracing slow, absent circles through his hair.

The silence returned,soft, safe, trembling with everything unsaid.

 

Taehyung’s eyelids grew heavy again,

 

But beneath the quiet, a new fear crept into his chest

 

 

 

Not of the dark this time

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

💔😭

What a day to be a Taejinee was

I cried all the concert today , it hurts so bad to see Taehyung crying today

but got comfort to have Seokjin beside him , why every thing about them is Angsty and romantic
in a beautiful way ? 💌💜

The way Taehyung sang his first live after MS only at Jin's concert , not only that

he sany my queen LMA, the reason behind this Fic 💌💜

is so touching to me , I really adore those two prople🥰🥰

My Taejin are so chaotic and dramatic in love 😭

Coming back to this story , I have camped writing this chapter for almost 6 hours now

I hope you enjoyed it too and it had brings the same warmth I am feeling today

It was purely inspired by today's Taejin moments , I had always beleived that "I will come to you" is written to Taehyung but got claimed it was for Army 😉 😂

 

The way Seokjin sat Taehyung and sang it to him there in the stage , Taehyung getting shy and overwhelmed 🥰🥹😭🥲

The way his gaze never leave Seokjin through out the perfomance

had warmed my heart in a way never felt before 😭

Anyway please forgive my ranting today 🤭 , I am just so overwhelmed today

let me know your thoughts about this chapter ?💌💜

Chapter 25: Blue & Gray

Summary:

I guess everyone's happy ....

Can you look at me? 'Cause I am blue and grey

The tears reflected in the mirror mean

My colors hid in the smile,... blue and grey

 

Blue And Gray - BTS 2020

Notes:

***This story is written by a Human ,

kindly forgive my errors and mistakes ,will come for edit later :)

 

 

 

 

 

Warmth

 

That was the first thing he noticed

 

the kind that seeped deep, quiet and real. That solid arm was still around him, heavy but gentle,

fingers resting loosely at his waist as if even in sleep he couldn’t let go.

 

 

Morning had crept in quietly, the pale light slipping through the tent’s fabric in thin, golden threads

 

For a while, Taehyung didn’t move.

 

 He just lay there, listening to the faint rustle of wind outside, the steady rise and fall of the chest pressed against his side.

 

The blanket had slipped halfway down, leaving Jin’s shoulder and his chest bare to the morning chill.

 

He was on his back now, one hand still around Taehyung, the other stretched above his head,

palm open like he’d fallen asleep reaching for something.

 

 

In Surrender

 

 

Taehyung turned his head slightly, eyes tracing the soft but hard lines of his face in the dim light,

The curve of his jaw, the lashes that brushed his skin when he blinked in his sleep,

the faint crease between his brows that never seemed to fade.

 

He looked peaceful. Too peaceful for someone who could twist his heart in knots.

 

Taehyung didn’t know what to feel anymore

The ache from last night still lingered somewhere under his ribs, that nightmare , dull ache of pain in his ankle

But it tangled with something else,something warm, dangerous, and far too familiar.

He wanted to stay like this. Just for a little longer.

 

But the thought alone made guilt curl tight in his chest.

He sighed softly, shifting just enough to reach for the blanket.

 

Carefully, he tugged it back up, draping it over Jin’s chest.

 

 

The movement made the man stir a little,his hand tightening once more, unconsciously pulling Taehyung closer.

Taehyung froze, breath caught. His heart stumbled again

The same confusing rhythm that never seemed to stop when it came to him now

He didn’t move away

He just stayed there, watching the sunlight find its way through the seams of the tent,

 

wondering when warmth had started to feel so heavy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When he woke again, the space beside him was empty.

For a moment, he just blinked at the quiet, the faint warmth still left in the sleeping bag where Jin had been.

The blanket was tucked neatly around him now, and Jin’s heavy long coat lay across his chest and legs , 

the familiar woody scent still clinging to the fabric.

 

 

That scent always did something strange to him.

Comfort, longing, ache , all at once.

He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes, the memory of last night flooding back in fragments: the trembling, the warmth,

The soft voice singing to him through the dark.

 

The safety

Then the kiss

His face heated instantly,

 

 

He ran a hand through his hair and exhaled,

 

God , his hair feels like a mess now

Same as his inside

 

The air inside the tent cool and clean.

 

When he stepped outside, the morning light hit him in soft golds , 

The campsite quiet except for the sound of crackling fire and someone moving near it.

 

Him

 

He was crouched by the fire, back turned at first. A black hoodie covered his shoulders, sleeves pushed up to his elbows.

Taehyung felt embarrassed remembering that  he had the man heavy coat

 

His hair was hidden under a dark hoodie hat, a few strands escaping to brush his temples as he stirred something in the pan.

The scent of sizzling eggs and coffee mixed with the forest air.

 

When the man turned back then , he looked up, their eyes met , just for a second.

 

And it was enough.

 

Taehyung’s stomach dropped, his face flushing before he quickly looked away,

pretending to adjust his sleeves. The heat in his chest returned with a vengeance ,

 

not from the fire, not from the morning cold, but from the memory of last night.

His hands clutching Jin’s shirt.

His voice whispering, “Please don’t leave me.”

 

God, what had he done?

 

He cleared his throat softly and muttered a small,

“Morning,” eyes fixed anywhere but at him.

Jin’s voice came low, steady, carrying that same quiet care from the night before.

“Morning. You slept okay?”

Taehyung nodded, too fast, too stiff.

“Yeah. Fine.”

The lie sat heavy in his throat.

Nothing felt fine

Not when every heartbeat reminded him of warmth he shouldn’t miss,

and every breath still smelled faintly like Him

“How is your ankle now?”

 

 

Does it hurt here?

 

 

“go..od ..”

 

Taehyung felt the heat spread on his body again

 

 He nervously turned back fast ,limping toward the tent instead

 

Almost running off, if it wasn’t for his injured foot

 

 

 

 

By the time Taehyung made his way to the fire pit later again,

 

Still limping

 

The others had already gathered , Jimin half sprawled beside Jungkook,

Namjoon trying to make Hyungshik stop adding instant noodles into everything, and Minjae sitting across from Jin,

pouring hot water into paper cups.

 

 

 

The smell of breakfast hung thick and comforting in the air , eggs, sausage,

and the faint bitterness of coffee mixing with the cold morning wind.

 

Jin was still at the pan, quiet, moving with that calm precision that made it impossible to tell what he was thinking.

He didn’t look at Taehyung again, but the way his jaw worked said enough.

 

Taehyung dropped down beside Jimin, stretching his legs out like nothing was wrong,

though the twinge in his ankle made him bite the inside of his cheek.

 

“Woow didn’t expect you guys will act on it this fast ” Jimin greeted,

whispering in his ears when he was close enough ,eyes flicking down to the slight limp.

 

“Tripped on a rock last night”

Taehyung jumped feeling embarrassed  trying to act like he didn’t understand what his soulmate means  

 

Jimin hummed, leaning closer. “Oh, really? Tripped, huh?” His tone was teasing, low enough for only Taehyung to hear.

 

“Not, you know… a wild night kind of injury?”

 

Taehyung blinked at him, heat rushing up his neck. “It was your fault,” he muttered flatly,

swatting Jimin’s arm with a pout. “You and Jungkook betrayed me.”

 

Jimin snickered, whispering, “Still sounds like someone had fun”

“Shut up,” Taehyung hissed under his breath, glancing around quickly , 

 

only to meet Jin’s profile as the man flipped something in the pan, shoulders stiff.

 

The sound of the metal spatula scraping the pan came a little too sharp.

 

Doesn’t he feel tired of cooking all morning ?

Before he could overthink it, Minjae’s voice broke through.

“Hey, Taehyung-ah, are you okay? You’re limping”

The boy crouched beside him, reaching instinctively toward his ankle.

“I’m fine,” Taehyung said quickly, too quickly , but Minjae’s hand still brushed his shin gently, brows drawn in concern.

 

Across the fire, Jin’s grip tightened on the handle of the pan.

Namjoon, half distracted by Hyungshik’s chatter, looked over next. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” Taehyung replied, clearing his throat, his voice coming out higher than he intended. “Just tripped. Down a… hill.”

Jungkook, who was silent all the time suddenly , snorted.

 

“Then why were you crying, hyung?”

 

Taehyung’s head whipped toward him. “What— I wasn’t crying!”

“Hyung,” Jungkook drawled, smirking, “you definitely were. Jimin-hyung said he heard something last night too”

“Yah!” Jimin cut in quickly, coughing into his cup, eyes darting away.

 

“I said nothing of the sort”

 

Laughter rippled around the circle. Taehyung’s face burned hotter.

“I was in pain, okay?” he muttered, sinking into his scarf. “That’s why”

 

Jungkook grinned. “You should’ve asked Jin-hyung to carry you back then, you were walking together right ? ” 

his tone seamed innocent but his  eyes were not

 

The words hung in the air , too casual, too innocent , but the silence that followed wasn’t.

Taehyung’s fingers froze around his coat sleeves

Jin’s hand stopped stirring

 

For a moment, no one said anything. Only the faint crackle of fire filled the air.

Then Jin cleared his throat quietly, voice calm ,too calm.

 

“Breakfast’s ready.”

 

 

And just like that, the world started moving again

But for Taehyung, his heart hadn’t stopped thudding since the moment their eyes met that morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The group had fallen into their usual noisy rhythm , laughter between bites, chopsticks clattering against tin bowls.

No one noticed that Taehyung sat a little apart from them, quiet, his half-eaten toast forgotten in his lap.

He wasn’t that hungry anyway

 

Maybe

 

But mostly, he just couldn’t bring himself to look toward the fire where him was sitting.

“Why aren’t you eating?” Jimin nudged his shoulder softly.

Taehyung gave a small shrug. “Not really into scrambled eggs. Or coffee.”

“Then what do you want?”

He hesitated, voice barely above a whisper smiling sheepishly  “…Ramen.”

Jimin snorted. “Ramen at this early morning? You’re impossible”

Taehyung smiled faintly, tugging at his sleeve. “Just craving it”

 

A  few miuntes past then , before he felt him coming closer to their side suddenly

 

That was when Jin appeared, quiet as always

He crouched down in front of him,  a steaming cup of ramen carefully settled between his hands.

The scent was mild, not spicy , the kind Taehyung always preferred when he was sick or tired.

 

 

The man didn’t look directly at him, but his voice came low, warm enough to make Taehyung’s chest ache.

“Be careful,” he murmured, one large hand brings his cold hands to hold the staeming cup instead ,

his other hand still cupped briefly around the paper cup to steady it.

 

“It’s hot. This isn’t the spicy one”

 

Taehyung blinked, startled, eyes darting to his face

For a heartbeat, the noise of everyone else faded away.

He felt everyone stilled watching them both ,

watching Taehyung’s reaction to the first direct interaction between them

 

They haven't seen them talking to each other all the trip

 

“oh, thanks …. Hyung ” Taehyung felt his voice stutter still

 

His hyung still wasn’t looking at him , just adjusting the cup so it wouldn’t tip,

then standing slowly, brushing the ash from his hands.

But that soft scent of wood and soap lingered behind him, and the warmth where his hand had been stayed a little too long.

Taehyung watched him go, fingers curling around the ramen cup Jin had just left.

 

It wasn’t the food that warmed him now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They’d all agreed to go hiking that morning.

The air was clear, the sun still shy behind the fog. Jin had already packed the water bottles and snacks,

Jungkook helped him then  humming something off-key as he tied his boots later.

 

But the plan had almost fallen apart the moment Taehyung stood up.

He’d taken two steps before Namjoon noticed the limp again.

 

“Maybe we should skip the hike,” Hyungshik had said, voice half-guilty.

 

“Taetae ankle still looks—”

“I’m fine,” Taehyung cut in, too quickly, the edge in his voice sharp enough to end the discussion.

“It’s not that bad.”

The younger’s stubborn tone left no room for argument,

but the way he bit his lip afterward betrayed the truth.

Jin didn’t say anything

He couldn’t.

He just stood there, watching the boy fuss with his coat zipper, jaw tight,

that familiar mix of worry and helplessness twisting in his chest.

 

When the others finally drifted off to finish getting ready,

Jin’s hands curled unconsciously into fists at his sides.

He wanted to tell him to rest.

He wanted to say stop pretending you’re fine.

But the memory of last night , the tears, the kiss, the trembling , 

kept his voice caught somewhere between his chest and his throat.

 

Inside the tent, the silence felt heavier than the cold outside.

Taehyung was avoiding his eyes completely, sitting on the edge of the sleeping bag,

tugging on his hiking pants and thick socks with quiet, mechanical movements.

 

 

Jin busied himself checking his backpack, pretending not to notice,

even though he noticed everything ,every uneven breath, every small wince when the boy moved his ankle.

 

He turned, intending to give him space,privacy so he can change , he planned to step out for air —

but stopped halfway when he caught sight of Taehyung struggling to pull on his hiking boots.

 

The boy bent forward awkwardly, his injured foot twisting slightly, breath hissing in pain.

 

“Here,” Jin said softly before he could stop himself.

Taehyung froze

He didn’t look up , just let his hands fall limp in his lap as Jin knelt in front of him.

Jin’s fingers brushed against his ankle gently, adjusting the sock before sliding the boot into place,

tightening the laces with slow, careful precision.

 

His head was bowed low, the air between them thick with things unsaid.

 

When he glanced up briefly, Taehyung’s eyes darted away , 

cheeks pink, jaw clenched, pretending to fix his sleeve.

 

The tent felt too small then , too full of warmth that neither of them could name.

Jin wanted to ask what this distance meant,  what that kiss meant

 

why the boy couldn’t even look at him now, why his heart still raced when he got this close.

 

But he didn’t.

 

Instead, he just tied the final knot neatly, fingers brushing the edge of Taehyung’s leg before pulling back.

“There,” he murmured, his voice rougher than intended. “It should be snug enough.”

Taehyung nodded wordlessly, still not meeting his eyes.

Jin straightened, stepping back a little, pretending to check his watch just to give his hands something to do.

He told himself it was fine.

That silence was better than saying something that would make the boy pull further away.

But as he zipped his coat and stepped out into the sunlight, the ache in his chest didn’t feel fine at all.

 

 

 

 

 

The forest trail was narrower than he remembered.

Frost still clung to the edges of the leaves, the sunlight barely cutting through the canopy.

Their breath came out in pale clouds as they climbed, laughter and chatter drifting between the trees.

 

The mountain air bit sharper than yesterday’s, crisp enough to sting when he breathed.

Frost glittered faintly along the path as the group started their climb, laughter echoing between the trees.

 

Jin walked behind them, slower than usual.

Not because of the trail, because of him.

Taehyung was a few steps ahead, bundled in a dark blue coat this time,

a knitted white hat pulled low over his hair.

 

 His voice carried easily through the cold, bright and warm as he talked to Minjae.

 

Too warm.

 

But another type of warmth this time

 

A suffocating one

 

 

Jin’s hands curled inside his gloves

 

He reminded himself not to care.

 

Not after last night, after the way Taehyung had avoided his eyes this morning,

 

But every sound the boy’s laugh, the soft echo of his name from someone else’s mouth,

seemed to scrape at something raw in his chest

 

Taehyung walked a few paces ahead at first, head held high, determined , too determined.

Jin saw the limp, though. The tiny flinch each time his left foot hit uneven ground.

 

“Yah Taehyung-ah, are you sure you’re okay?” Hyungshik asked from behind.

“Hyung ,I’m really fine,” Taehyung replied, too fast, too bright, his smile practiced.

 

Fine my ass

He wants to roll his eyes

 

He even laughed when Namjoon told him to slow down, pretending to pause only to admire the view.

“I just want to enjoy the forest,” he said lightly.

 

“You guys walk too fast”

But Jin could see the tremor in his hands when he adjusted his scarf,

the way his steps faltered each time he pretended to stop for a photo.

Jin clenched his jaw, keeping his distance.

 

He was lying.He could see it in the slight hitch of his step,

the quiet hiss of breath whenever the ground tilted unevenly.

 

 

And yet, when Minjae leaned closer, joking about Taehyung’s clumsy balance,

the boy only laughed again,loud, defiant, stubborn.

Like nothing hurt.

Like him wasn’t there.

 

 

When they reached the mountain’s top, the view opened wide ,blue sky, rolling clouds,

and the wind sweeping through their hair.

Everyone took out their phones for pictures.

Taehyung ended up next to Minjae again, their shoulders brushing as they posed.

 Minjae lifted his arm for a selfie; Taehyung smiled, shy but bright, leaning slightly closer for the frame.

Jin looked away before the click.

But it was too late  the image was already burned behind his eyes.

Their outfits somehow matched, with Minjae wearing a white winter coat.

His jaw tightened. The grip on his water bottle went white-knuckled.

He forced himself to breathe, to look at the horizon instead of them.

But still, he couldn’t help but look at him.

Taehyung was wearing a purple t-shirt under a dark blue coat,

 

a white hat blending beautifully with the mountain and the background of the open blue sky , 

like he belonged there, with the scenery.

Not on earth

 

And Jin wanted to laugh at his miserable state ,how in the middle of all this,

 

his hopeless heart was still noticing every detail about him.

 

 

How infatuated he was with the boy in the blue coat

 

But even the view couldn’t steady the sharp twist in his chest.

 

The boy’s blue coat actually matched the gray hoodie he was wearing at that moment.

 

He wondered whether that blue could also blend with the gray inside his heart, too.

 

Jin chuckled bitterly at his bad sense of humor.

 

 

 

 

On the way down, the trail was steeper,

Taehyung’s steps grew smaller, slower. Each time he stumbled,

Jin felt his pulse jump, his restraint thinning.

 

The others were too far ahead now, their voices faint through the trees.

 

Taehyung tried to keep up, biting his lip, pretending to stop for photos.

He was limping worse now, but when Jimin turned to ask if he needed help, he waved it off.

“I said I’m fine,” he murmured.

He wasn’t.

 

 

Jin knew that sound,the quiet wince, the shallow breath,and this time, he didn’t think.

And he couldn’t take it anymore

 

He just moved

 

One moment, Taehyung was taking another shaky step;

the next, Jin’s arms were under him,one behind his knees, the other around his back,

lifting him easily off the ground.

 

“Hyung!” Taehyung gasped, grabbing his coat for balance.

 

His eyes widened, pink blooming over his cheeks.

“What are you doing?! Put me down!”

 

“Enough,” Jin said, voice low, firm.

He didn’t look at him,he couldn’t,

just focused on the trail, on not letting his temper show through the pounding of his heart.

 

“You can’t keep pretending it doesn’t hurt,” he added quietly.

 

“You can barely stand, Taehyung.”

“I can—”

“You can’t”

 

Their loud voices makes the other noticed them before, they  had gone silent

 

Jimin’s eyes were wide, Jungkook grinning behind his hand, Namjoon sighing like he’d expected this

 

“Hyung is right Taehyung-ah, you should told us earlier”

 

Then the forest seemed to quiet with them , 

only the sound of boots crunching through leaves and the faint rustle of Taehyung’s protest against Jin’s shoulder.

 

“People are watching,” Taehyung uttered, his voice smaller now, when they are far from others ear shot ,

his cheek pressed against Jin’s coat.

 

“Let them,” Jin replied, not slowing his steps.

 

 “You should’ve told me you were hurting”

Taehyung didn’t answer, just gripped his coat tighter, eyes squeezed shut,

his ears burning red against Jin’s chest.

 

“It’s embarrassing,” Taehyung muttered, , trying to wriggle free still.

 

“Then stop making me worry”

 

The words came ,slipped sharper than intended, but he didn’t take them back.

 

 

The boy went still, his breath hitching against Jin’s neck.

For a long stretch of silence, the only sound was their boots crunching through the frost and-

the faint beat of Jin’s heart against Taehyung’s chest.

 

Thud

 

Thud

 

Thud

 

Jin was afraid the boy will hear it now

When they reached the campsite again, Jin didn’t set him down immediately.

 

He just held him for a few seconds longer,long enough to feel Taehyung’s heartbeat still racing against his arm,

long enough to memorize the warmth he knew he shouldn’t want.

 

Then, slowly, he lowered him onto the log by the firepit.

 

“You shouldn’t push yourself like that,” Jin said softly, his breath uneven.

 

Taehyung looked down, eyes glistening, voice small.

 “You shouldn’t care so much”

 

But Jin already did

 

Too much.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dinner was a blur of clinking cups, laughter, and smoke curling up into the cold air.

 

The other group seamed had forgot  about earlier tension,

The fire cracked lazily in the center, throwing gold light over faces that blurred together for him.

Taehyung tried to focus on Minjae’s phone,

the older man was showing him something funny, a meme, a video, he wasn’t sure.

He nodded, smiled, even laughed when he was supposed to. But his thoughts were elsewhere.

 

Then stop making me worry

 

Those words wouldn’t leave his head.

They looped quietly, deep and rough, echoing beneath the noise around him.

He shouldn’t have cared so much about that tone, or how Jin had said it: soft low, controlled,

like something that had slipped past his walls before he could stop it.

 

And yet, every time he replayed it, something warm, and terrifying,rose up under his skin.

 

Across the fire, Jin sat a little apart from the group.

 His face was soft in the glow, shadows catching along his jaw, his eyes unreadable.

He was quiet most of the evening, replying only when spoken to, sipping from his cup.

 

But Taehyung felt his presence more than anyone’s voice.

His heart stuttered every time their gazes almost met.

 

Almost,

Because Jin always looked away first.

“Taehyung, look at this ” Minjae leaned closer again, the phone’s light reflecting off his smile.

Taehyung forced his lips into one too, nodding along.

 

“Yeah, it’s funny.”

But his eyes betrayed him, flicking past the phone screen, back toward the man across the fire.

 

To him

 

And then Jin stood up.

He moved with that quiet grace Taehyung knew too well,

slipping his phone from his pocket as he stepped away from the light.

A small click, a spark, the faint orange tip of a cigarette flared to life.

 

He haven’t seen him smoking again for a long time now

 

Did he start to smoke again ?

 

Taehyung’s eyes followed him automatically

Jin leaned slightly against the van parked not so far ,

the smoke curling around his profile, face unreadable, his other hand pushing back his hair absently as he spoke into the phone.

 

His voice was too soft to hear, but then his smile wasn’t.

It was the kind of smile that didn’t belong to anyone but one person now

 

Her

 

The same warm, gentle look he’d had that night on the balcony.

The same soft tilt of his mouth that had haunted Taehyung since.

 

She is my girlfriend

And just like that, the faint warmth from earlier,the echo of that heartbeat,

 

that whispered Then stop making me worry

 

shattered back into ache.

 

He dropped his gaze, felt his heart contract  painfully ,

eyes stung but pretending to scroll through Minjae’s phone again.

 

The laughter around the fire felt distant now, his chest tight.

Because for all the ways Jin made him feel seen, warm, wanted,

 

That smile wasn’t his.

 

And on that exact moment his ankle ached , the cooling cream effect had left

 

 

Same as that warmth

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The night had grown quieter by the time he returned.

The fire outside had burned down to soft embers,

The rest of the group already tucked away in their tents.

The cold bit deeper now, sharper after the warmth of smoke and laughter.

 

He slipped the zipper open quietly, careful not to wake him—

but Taehyung wasn’t asleep,

 

The boy was kneeling by his sleeping bag, folding his coat, his movements brisk, deliberate.

 

 His head was down, hair falling forward, hiding his face.

 

Jin froze for a second at the doorway.

“Taehyung-ah?” he said softly

 

The rustle of fabric didn’t stop

 

 “You’re back,” came the quiet reply, flat, without looking up.

 

“I thought you’d be asleep by now…”

 

“What are you doing ?…”

 

 Taehyung’s hands faltered on the zipper of his bag before he finally muttered,

 

“I’m moving to Minjae-hyung’s tent”

 

He blinked once, slowly, like he hadn’t heard him right.

 

“What?”

 

Something cold settled in Jin’s chest.

Taehyung didn’t answer,

He shoved his folded hoodie into his bag,

movements quick and rough now before standing and limping his way out of the tent hurriedly

 

The cold rushed in when the tent flap opened, the faint sound of his uneven steps fading into the night.

 

Jin stood there for a long time after, staring at the empty space Taehyung had left behind , 

 

his blanket still half-folded, the faint scent of his shampoo still lingering in the air.

 

The quiet pressed in around him, heavy and colorless

 

He’d once thought that maybe the boy’s blue could blend with his gray ,

that warmth and cold could find some balance between them.

 

But standing there now, in the hollow stillness of the tent, he realized it never would.

 

Taehyung’s blue had always belonged to the open sky, to laughter and light.

 

And his own gray was meant to stay here , grounded, waiting, fading quietly in the cold.

 

When he finally sat down, the silence felt more heavier than it had in weeks.

 

Notes:

Thanks for reading 💜

will try to update sooner in the next week days 💌

Chapter 26: Hot Springs

Summary:

He’d seen this before

Years ago

He thought he’d never have to see it again

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He was half-ready to sleep when the tent flap rustled

The cold slipped in first, then Taehyung’s voice

 

“Hyung, you’re still awake?”

 

He looked up from his sleeping bag, surprised to find the younger standing there,

 

arms full of his blanket backpack and a small pillow, his hair slightly messy from the wind.

 

“What are you doing here?” Minjae asked, blinking at him

 

“Aren’t you sharing with Jin-hyung?”

 

Taehyung shrugged, trying for casual, though his tone wobbled just slightly.

“Figured I’d sleep here tonight instead. Your tent’s warmer”

 

 

“Warmer, huh?” Minjae smiled faintly, shifting aside to make space.

 “Sure. Come in”

 

He didn’t ask more. He didn’t need to.

Something about the way Taehyung’s eyes avoided his said enough.

 

The younger set his things down, crawling into the sleeping bag beside him.

For a while, the only sounds were the faint rustle of fabric and the muffled wind outside.

Minjae lay there staring at the top of the tent, waiting.

He wasn’t sure for what , maybe for Taehyung to speak first.

 

Maybe for an explanation that wouldn’t come.

When he finally heard a sound, it wasn’t words.

It was quiet , a small, strangled breath, or a sob ?

the kind someone lets out when they think no one’s listening.

 

He turned his head slightly. “Tae?”

 

The younger stiffened. “Mm?”

 

“Are you crying?”

 

There was a pause, too long to be convincing, before Taehyung’s voice came, shaky and small.

“No. My ankle just hurts... a lot right now.”

 

Minjae nodded slowly, then trying to sit up close to the younger’s side

“Do you want me to bring you a pain killer ? “

“Ah. I already took one ,” Taehyung said softly, in a small voice

turning back toward the dark ceiling.

He didn’t press.

 

He just reached out quietly, tugging his spare blanket a little higher over the boy’s shoulders.

“Try to sleep,” he murmured

 

“It’ll hurt less in the morning”

 

Taehyung didn’t answer

But Minjae could still hear his uneven breathing for a long time after,

 

the soft sound of someone trying too hard to stay quiet in the dark.

 

 

 

Minjae lay awake for a while after Taehyung’s breathing steadied.

He could still hear the faint sniffle every now and then,

soft enough that most people wouldn’t notice.

But he did. He always did.

 

Some habits never really leave you.

 

Especially when you’ve once loved the person they belong to.

He smiled faintly at the thought, more wistful than anything.

It felt like forever ago now , 

 

those university days when Taehyung was just his bright-eyed junior with messy hair and too many sketchbooks under his arm.

He still remembered the first time he noticed him, standing in the campus courtyard with paint smudged on his cheek,

looking like he’d walked out of some dream he hadn’t realized he was having.

 

Taehyung had always been easy to like.

Too easy

 

Minjae had started teasing him then, small things at first , harmless compliments,

playful remarks , just to see the younger fluster and cute pout.

 

But one day, somewhere between coffee runs and late studio nights, the teasing stopped being a game.

And before he knew it, they were dating.

 

It burned bright, fast, like every young thing that never learned to pace itself.

Taehyung was affectionate, eager, jealous in ways that were both endearing and exhausting.

 

Minjae had liked that once , the way the boy wore his heart so openly.

 

 

Just like now

 

Until one day, he realized the affection he was receiving wasn’t the kind that lasted.

 

Taehyung was there, smiling and holding his hand, but something in his eyes had always been somewhere else , 

 

chasing something unnamed, unseen.

 

 

They broke up quietly, without drama

A few months after it began, it was over

 

Later, after one year when they met again, older, steadier , 

 

it was almost funny how easily they fell back into comfort.

They didn’t need to explain or apologize.

They just fit better this way.

 

Friends

 

Easier, lighter

 

That’s what made tonight harder

 

And the past nights too

 

Because he could see that missing light shining in Taehyung eyes now , in every glance

 

At that someone

 Could tell that whatever was breaking Taehyung now had nothing to do with him ,

or his injured  ankle  but with someone else entirely.

 

 

Someone older

 

 

 

 

Someone who could make him laugh, make him cry, make him walk around pretending he wasn’t hurt.

 

Minjae sighed quietly, glancing once more toward the flap of the tent.

 

 

Outside, the camp was still, only the faint wind whispering between the trees.

 

And for just a moment, he caught himself wondering if that someone was awake too ,

 

 staring at the same dark, waiting for the same boy to stop hurting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the second day, the ache had settled into something dull and constant , like a bruise he couldn’t stop pressing.

 

Jin wasn’t sure how the distance between them had grown this wide again.

 

Just two nights ago, he’d felt Taehyung’s heartbeat under his hands, felt the boy tremble against him,

 

whisper his name through half-sobs.

And now it was as if none of it had happened.

 

Taehyung had vanished into silence.

 

He spent the first two days tucked away inside Minjae’s tent, claiming his ankle still hurt too much to move.

No one questioned it at first, but Jin noticed the pattern ,how the younger’s voice would go quiet the moment he approached,

how his laughter returned only when Minjae was near.

 

At mealtime, he sat beside Minjae, talking softly, smiling at something the older said.

It was the same smile Jin had once thought was his alone.

 

Every time he caught a glimpse of it, something twisted inside him , not anger, not quite jealousy.

Just a quiet, helpless ache.

 

He didn’t even know what he’d done wrong.

 

He kept asking himself that.

 

Is it that Kiss ?

 

Maybe he shouldn’t surrender to that temptation then

 

Maybe he shouldn’t have kiss him again  

 

 

Now, every time their eyes met, the younger looked away first.

 

He’d tried to ask once, his voice low, almost tentative

 

“You’re still hurting?”

 

Taehyung had only nodded, eyes on the ground

 

“Just my ankle” voice flat

 

But Jin had heard it , the way his voice trembled on just.

 

Jungkook had noticed, too. He and Jimin had exchanged quiet glances that morning.

 

 

Even Jimin had tried teasing Taehyung later, when he finally emerged from the tent, bundled up and silent.

“Wah, our patient finally decided to bless us with his presence,” Jimin joked.

 

 “Careful, Tae, your nurse might worry again.”

 

But Taehyung’s glare cut sharp through the air.

 

“Cut it off,” he said flatly, eyes cold.

 

Jimin blinked, startled.

 Jungkook stopped chewing for a second, glancing between them.

 

The silence after that stretched awkwardly until Taehyung turned away, walking toward the other group with his cup.

 

Jin just sat there, staring at the empty space he’d left behind,

 

the words please don’t leave me hyung  echoing faintly in his mind.

 

Because he still didn’t

Even when he wasn’t supposed to

Even when the boy no longer looked his way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That night that dinner had stretched late into the night.

 

The air was cold, sharp with smoke and beer, laughter rising in bursts around the fire.

 

Taehyung sat close to Minjae again, shoulders brushing, their heads bent together over a phone screen.

 

 

 Every now and then, one of them whispered something in the other ears , and the other laughed  quiet, soft, too familiar.

 

The boy was flirting with that Minjae openly

 

Like he wasn’t there

 

 

 

He tried not to look, focused instead on the flicker of the flames,

 

the clink of bottles, the meaningless chatter around him.

But every sound , every flick of Taehyung’s hair, every flash of his smile in the firelight  dragged his attention back like gravity.

 

When they raised their bottles to toast, Jin didn’t join.

He just watched the boy’s grin as he clinked his drink against Minjae’s, their laughter spilling together like smoke.

his chest had been tight since the first laugh, the first clink of cheers

And then he couldn’t breathe right anymore.

 

So when Taehyung finally stood, mumbling something about fetching his coat, Jin moved before he could stop himself.

 

He slipped away from the circle quietly, the shadows of the trees swallowing him whole.

 

A few steps later, he caught up, the sound of Taehyung’s still uneven boots crunching on the frost-bitten ground just ahead.

 

 

Jin didn’t say a word when he reached him

He just grabbed Taehyung’s wrist and pulled.

 

The younger stumbled, eyes wide, trying to twist free

 

“Hyung,what the hell..let go!”

 

But Jin’s grip only tightened, his jaw set.

 

The trees swallowed them both as he dragged him farther from the firelight ,

 until the laughter faded, replaced by the ragged sound of their breaths.

 

“Hyung!” Taehyung’s voice rose, cracking through the quiet.

“What are you doing?”

Jin stopped abruptly, finally turning to face him.

The look in his eyes made Taehyung freeze ,not anger exactly, but something deeper. Something bruised.

 

“Why are you upset?” Jin asked, voice low, trembling despite how calm it sounded.

Taehyung scoffed, a sharp sound that barely hid the ache underneath.

“You know why.”

Jin’s throat worked, words catching before they left his mouth.

 

He didn’t plan to say it , but it slipped out, low and rough, before he could stop himself.,

 

“I told you to be mine completely,” he said. “To stay away from him.”

 

Taehyung blinked, stunned for a second before his anger flared.

 

 “What, what are you even talking about?” he shot back, voice shaking.

 

“I do whatever I want. With whoever I like”

 

Something in Jin’s face broke , a flicker of hurt that cracked through the steady mask.

 

“I thought we were fine now,” he said quietly. “After we—”

 

 “After we what, hyung?” Taehyung’s laugh cut through him, bitter and wet.

 

His tone snapped, sharp as the winter air.

 

“After we kiss?”

 

The word hit Jin like a slap,

 

Taehyung took a shaky breath, looking away. “I kiss you all the time,”

 

he said, voice flat, but his hands were trembling. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

 

For a second, Jin just stared at him, stunned silent.

 

It was the first time he’d seen this side of Taehyung ,cold, defensive, his eyes flashing with something almost cruel.

 

“So all this…” Jin’s voice broke before he finished, his hand falling away from Taehyung’s wrist.

 

 “All this was meaningless to you?”

 

Taehyung’s lips pressed together, and he turned away.

 

 His voice came quieter now, tired, but it cut deeper than any shout.

 

“Was it meaningful to you?”

 

The question hung between them like smoke , soft, poisonous.

 

Jin opened his mouth, but no words came.

 

And that silence was the only answer Taehyung needed.

 

He looked down, jaw tight, eyes glassy in the dim light.

 

“Let’s end whatever this is,” he muttered, and started to walk away.

 

The sound of his footsteps on the frost-covered ground was soft, un-even

 

but to Jin, it felt deafening , like something inside him was being torn apart with every step.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next morning, the world seemed lighter . but only on the surface.

The snow had melted into soft slush, the sun sharp against the sky, and Namjoon suggested they all head down to the nearby hot spring.

 

Everyone agreed instantly.

 

Everyone except them.

 

Jin had only nodded quietly.

Taehyung said nothing at all.

 

Still, an hour later they all walked the narrow path through the woods , 

 

the air filled with laughter, boots crunching through frost, and the promise of warm water ahead.

 

From the outside, it was a perfect day

 

But within them there was a weight between them , invisible, heavy, impossible to miss.

 

Jimin noticed it first.

How Taehyung walked a few steps ahead, never looking back.

 

 How Jin trailed behind, his hands shoved deep in his coat pockets, eyes fixed on the ground.

 

The others felt it too , the space that had opened up overnight, sharp as broken glass.

 

Only a few days ago, Jin had been carrying Taehyung , fussing about his ankle

 

Now, they moved around each other like strangers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When they reached the spring, laughter filled the air again ,

Jungkook and Minjae stripped off their shirts, racing to see who’d jump in first.

 

Steam rose in soft curls, the scent of pine and warm earth wrapping around them.

Taehyung sat on a rock at the edge, rolling his ankle carefully. It didn’t hurt anymore , 

not really. But it still gave him an excuse to stay apart.

 

He told himself he needed the quiet.

Across from him, Jin crouched beside Namjoon and hyung-shik, helping unpack snacks and towels.

Their eyes met once , just for a second.

Then both looked away as if burned.

 

The others didn’t ask

 

They just felt it , the way laughter didn’t quite reach them anymore, the way warmth

seemed to stop before it reached the two of them.

 

 

They didn’t fight again . They didn’t speak.

 

They simply existed, like two ghosts haunting the same space.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung hadn’t expected to look

 

He shouldn’t have looked

 

But when he saw the man tugging off his coat and then sweatshirt by the edge of the spring,

Taehyung froze

 

Sunlight spilled across him in a way that made Taehyung forget to breathe

 

The man was giving him his back now

The pale winter light caught on his wide shoulders 

very wide shoulders

 

His sturdy back, the clean line of muscle moving beneath skin.

When he stepped closer and then into the hot stream,

Taehyung’s gaze jerked away instantly , too fast, too obvious

 

What the hell? he was screaming inside

 

 

Then, to his own horror, the man turned around 

and this time, Taehyung couldn’t move his eyes fast enough

 

He saw it

That hard, bare chest , saw how those firm muscles flexed when the man raised a hand to push his damp hair back from his forehead and eyes.

 

The sight looked like it had come straight out of a movie

 

And Taehyung stood there caught in the middle 

between running away or jumping into that same hot water with him.

 

He remembered that chest , the solid warmth beneath his palms when he’d pressed against it half-asleep

The steady heartbeat under his ear that night he’d cried.

How the man’s skin had burned faintly when he’d helped him change out of a fevered shirt months ago.

 

He’d seen glimpses before

Now, the full picture hit him like a wave

 

And this time, nothing about it was innocent

 

Jin turned slightly, water rippling around his slim waist, steam curling up like smoke ,

 

And that was it

 

The air was suddenly too hot

 

His face even hotter

 

God

 

He felt himself getting aroused

No

He was already hard

 

 

In the middle of the open air

All because he’d seen that damn chest?

 

WTF, Kim Taehyung?

 

Get it together

 

 

But then he suddenly locked eyes with the owner of that chest himself

 

He swallowed hard, his eyes frozen in place

 

He watched as that chest dipped suddenly under the steaming water 

the man had noticed his stare.

 

God, how embarrassing!

 

He watched him look away quickly, submerging himself completely under the water, ears flaming red.

 

Taehyung swallowed again, forcing his gaze down, away.

 

He didn’t even realize he’d been holding his breath until Jungkook splashed loudly nearby, breaking the trance.

 

Taehyung blinked, grabbed the nearest towel, and pressed it over his face,

muttering something about the steam.

 

 

But even behind the towel, he could feel the memory of that warmth everywhere 

under his skin, in his pulse, in the quick, traitorous rhythm of his heart.

 

 

 

And in his very tight pants.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The air was bright with laughter and steam.

The group’s voices bounced across the rocks,

echoing through the mountain air. Someone had found a speaker, music spilled softly over the sound of rippling water,

and for the first time in days, it almost felt peaceful again.

 

Jin had stepped away from the edge, dressed again, towel draped over his shoulders as he helped Namjoon unpack snacks.

His eyes flickered toward the spring — not on purpose, but drawn, always, to the same place.

 

Taehyung sat on the rocks beside

 

He was watching them ,The way Taehyung laughed at Jimin and Jungkook  silly water fight

 

 

He was still sitting in the small hill near the streams ,until Minjae grinned, reached out,

and before anyone could react — scooped Taehyung up in his arms.

 

“Yah—Minjae—wait—!”

 

The younger barely got the words out before he was airborne.

 

A splash cut through the air, hard, sharp.

 

Water erupted, cold light scattering in all directions.

At first, everyone laughed , Jungkook whistled, Jimin shouted something teasing.

 

But then , the sound that followed wasn’t laughter.

 

A choked gasp

The desperate slap of hands against water

 

Jin didn’t feel himself move.

 

His body acted before his mind caught up ,one hard dive, the freezing shock of water slamming into him.

 

All he saw was Taehyung’s head disappearing beneath the surface,

 

the frantic bubbles where his body should’ve been.

 

“Taehyung!”

 

He reached him in seconds, arms wrapping around the younger’s shoulders,

 

pulling him up , the boy coughing, shaking, clawing for air.

 

“I’ve got you!” Jin gasped, pulling him up, dragging both their bodies toward the rocks.

 

Jin held him tight, hauling both of them toward the edge,

 

his own chest burning as they broke the surface together.

 

When they reached the shallow rocks, Jin didn’t let go.

 

Taehyung was trembling violently, wet hair plastered against his forehead,

 

breaths ragged and uneven. Eyes wide open in a panick state

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Taehyung, look at me”

 

Jin cupped his face, tapping his cheeks gently, trying to make him focus.

 

“What the hell—” Jimin’s voice cut through the stunned silence,

but Jin didn’t look up. His own body was shaking along with the trembling boy in his arms.

 

“It’s okay. You’re okay. Just breathe,” he whispered over and over.

 

 

Taehyung blinked, disoriented, tears mixing with the water on his cheeks.

 

He looked at Jin, eyes wide, full of a fear he didn’t understand — or maybe a memory he couldn’t reach

 

 

Minjae’s face drained of color. “I—I didn’t mean to—I just—”

 

 

 

 

“He fears the water!” Jin shouted suddenly, the words ripping out of him before he could stop them.

 

 

Everyone froze

 

Even Taehyung , staring at him with a terrified, tear-streaked face.

 

 

The echo of the words hung in the air , heavy, confused, unexplained.

 

 

And then Jin froze too, realizing what he’d said.

 

 

He just held Taehyung tighter, jaw trembling as he looked away, not daring to let the others see the way his eyes had gone glassy.

 

 

He’d seen this before

 

Years ago

 

A smaller boy, in darker water , the same shaking shoulders, the same choked sobs.

 

 

 

 

He thought he’d never have to see it again !

 

Notes:

sonner never felt this soon 😂

I want to update everyday now, but got interrupted by a 5-9 Job 🥲

I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter 💌💜

 

Thanks for reading☘️

Chapter 27: She Knows

Summary:

Maybe he wasn’t attracted to men....

Maybe he wasn’t questioning his sexuality

 

Maybe…

he was only reacting to one person !

 

 

 

 

He woke up with a gasp that tore out of his throat before he even knew what was happening

 

His chest jerked up from the bed, hands clutching at the blanket tangled around his legs.

His heart was running too fast, too loud, like someone was pounding against his ribcage from the inside.

 

His breath wouldn’t come out properly,

Short. Sharp. Panicked,

 

His eyes darted around the dark room, wild, confused, still half inside that dream,

or nightmare

or memory,

he wasn’t even sure anymore.

His fingers shook when he wiped his face.

He didn’t even realize he was crying until he felt the wetness on his own palm.

 

“Hy—Hyung…?”

 

The word came out without him thinking, small and desperate in the empty room.

But there was no answer.

Of course there wasn’t.

 

Taehyung pressed his fist to his mouth to keep himself from sobbing out loud.

He didn’t understand.

Why could he remember that moment so clearly

yet everything before it felt foggy, like water had washed over the memories?

Why did he remember Jin’s voice calling his name underwater

but he didn’t remember falling in?

Why did he remember Jin holding him like he was something fragile

but the moment before that was blank?

 

Why did he remember panic?

And why did it feel like…

 

this wasn’t the first time he had drowned?

 

His whole body trembled.

His nightmares kept repeating the exact same scene:

the water swallowing him,

his lungs burning,

his vision going dark,

a hand pulling him up,

a voice calling him

his name turning into a scream.

It felt too real.

Too familiar.

His heart ached.

His temples throbbed.

“What’s wrong with me…” he whispered, curling into himself.

He didn’t know why he was so scared.

Why his chest tightened every time he remembered that night.

 

Why Jin’s face flashed in his dream not as a stranger—

but as someone he knew long, long ago.

 

But that wasn’t possible… right?

 

He shut his eyes tightly.

His breath trembled.

 

His room felt colder than usual.

Lonelier than usual.

 

It was the same room he’d slept in all his life, but tonight it felt too big. Too quiet.

Too empty of the one thing he stupidly wanted.

His breath hitched again

 

Fuck

Not again,

 

His nightmares had been coming almost every night for the past six weeks since that night at the campsite when everything between them collapsed like a brittle shell.

 

Every time he closed his eyes he was back there, choking, drowning, reaching for something he couldn't see.

 

Or someone

 

He pressed his shaking hand against his forehead, trying to calm down,

but the images kept pushing their way back into his mind,

 

like the nightmare was waiting for him to wake up just so it could shove itself in again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“He fears the water!”

 

Silence fell so heavily it felt like the whole group stopped breathing.

 

That night his hand tightened around Taehyung’s arm for a second.

And in that second, Jin looked like a man who had just revealed something he wasn’t supposed to know.

 

Something he wished he could take back.

 

Jimin reached for Taehyung’s other arm.

 

“Hyung… ,” he whispered, voice softening at the sight of Taehyung’s trembling.

Jin didn’t answer at first

He didn’t look at anyone.

 

He just let his hand slip off Taehyung’s arm slowly… as if it hurt to let go.

And then

 

“Take care of him “ voice rough and restrained looking breifely at Jimin

Then he stood,

His wet shirt clinging to his chest.

Hands shaking

Jaw clenched in a way that looked like he was holding a scream in his throat.

Namjoon stepped forward. “Jin, wait—hyung, what happened? Are you—”

But Jin didn’t stop

Didn’t speak again

Didn’t look back

 

He just walked past all of them, water dripping from his clothes onto the dry dirt.

Past Hyung-sik, who watched him with a quiet,

knowing sadness,almost like he understood something the others didn’t.

 

Jin’s shoulders were trembling as he passed him.

 

He didn’t say goodbye

Didn’t offer an explanation

 

He just… left

 

Then not so far away from the scene,  

the sound of his car door slamming shut echoed through the quiet forest.

 

And that night in the flickering firelight, Taehyung sat wrapped in a blanket,

chest heaving, eyes glassy and confused, watching the only man who calmed his panic walk away from him.

 

Again

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Mr. Kim?”

 

The door clicked open behind him

 

 

 

The conference room smelled like polished wood and printer toner, clean, professional,

 

Lifeless

 

Jin smoothed the wrinkle from his sleeve, adjusting the collar of his suit.

The neat charcoal blazer fit him perfectly; the light blue shirt, the leather briefcase, the silver tie pin,

everything about him looked exactly like the man he was supposed to be.

 

Exactly like the man people believed he was,

 

Kim Seokjin, attorney

Reliable

Composed, Successful

 

He turned, posture straight, polite smile ready

 

A young man stood there, sharp suit, clean skin, shiny name badge.

His eyes widened for a beat too long before he bowed.

 

“I—I’m Yeonjun, Mr. Choi’s secretary”

 

He pushed his glasses nervously up his nose.

 

“W-wow… You’re even more handsome in real life. Sorry—” he laughed softly,

brushing his hair back. “I’m a little nervous”

 

Jin blinked

 

“Oh,” he managed, voice professional and flat, “thank you”

 

Yeonjun kept stealing glances, quick, shy, flustered.

Jin felt it this time. The awareness slid under his skin like warm static.

 

Was he imagining it?

Was he suddenly just… too aware?

Had Taehyung messed up his senses that badly?

 

Taehyung

 

Before he could think further, the meeting room door opened again.

 

“Ah, Jin-ssi,” Mr. Choi greeted loudly, “Still as polished as ever”

A firm handshake, a pat on the arm.

“Sharp suit, sharp manners, sharp mind. Your father must be proud”

 

Jin dipped his head modestly

 

“I’m doing my best”

 

“Yes, yes—you young men,” Mr. Choi chuckled.

 

“Everything in place now  Good job, good income, good looks.

You’re the type mothers want as sons-in-law. She would be lucky”

 

She

 

That word

 

Jin gave a half-smile, the one he’d practiced his whole adult life, and sat down with his documents.

 

The meeting continued. Legal jargon. Deadlines. Budgets. Contracts.

 

Mr.Choi was his first big client , he don’t want to miss it up

 

Again

 

Jin nodded at the right times, answered perfectly, wrote neatly, spoke clearly.

 

From the outside: competence

From the inside: static humming in the back of his skull

 

At some point, while Yeonjun poured them coffee,

Jin caught the young man’s lingering gaze again, admiring, curious, a little bold.

 

For a moment Jin felt… exposed

 

Like someone had cracked open a window in a room he didn’t want anyone to see into

 

He looked away first

Something in him recoiled—

not because Yeonjun was a man,

but because Jin didn’t trust what part of him reacted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeonjun bent slightly to set down Jin’s coffee, his fingers brushing the table near Jin’s hand.

“Careful, it’s hot,” he murmured, voice soft, eyes lingering for a second too long.

It was subtle,

 

Polite

 

Maybe even flirtatious

 

A younger Jin wouldn’t have noticed

 

Last year, Jin wouldn’t have noticed

 

But after him?

He noticed everything

 

The way Yeonjun’s gaze lingered,

The way he smiled nervously

The way his pretty features softened under the fluorescent light,

soft jawline, plump lips, long eyelashes.

Objectively, the young man was good-looking.

Fresh-faced, delicate.

Almost… beautiful.

 

Jin waited for something inside him to stir—

a flutter, a heat, a hitch of breath—

Anything

But nothing came

No spark,

No rush of blood

No sudden awareness of space or scent or proximity.

Nothing like what Taehyung did to him.

Jin blinked slowly, confused

 

Shouldn’t I feel something?

 

If I’m… attracted to men now?

 

His mind flickered, unbidden

 

To the image of Taehyung stepping out of the tent that morning on the camp trip,

hair messy, sweater slipping off one shoulder, eyes blinking sleepily at him…

 

Heat crawled up Jin’s neck

 

He cleared his throat and forced himself back to the present.

 

Yeonjun spoke again, “Mr. Kim, if you need anything—”

 

Jin cut him off with a polite smile,  “No, thank you”

He didn’t mean to sound cold.

But he suddenly felt suffocated

 

Why he is even seams angry now?

 

Is all because he had called him Handsome ?

Because somone else notice him , giving attention to him?

 

Yeonjun retreated with a small disappointed look.

Jin exhaled, sinking into his chair.

He couldn’t help it ,his mind compared them instinctively:

 

Yeonjun has soft, gentle features,sweet-looking,young

 

 

Taehyung was younger but sharp jaw hidden under soft curls

mishmash of delicate and striking, eyes like they could swallow him whole

lips too full for his own good

cheeks round when he laughs

beautiful in a way that shouldn’t be real.

Taehyung’s beauty hit like a fist to the lungs.

Yeonjun’s?

Barely a tap on the shoulder

Jin found himself scoffing silently

 

Of course he’s nowhere near his Taehyung. Who is?

 

And then he froze

 

Why… was he defending Taehyung’s beauty in his mind?

Why was his brain comparing men to Taehyung like he was the template?

 

Why did it feel offensive that Yeonjun even existed in the same category?

 

A ridiculous thought flickered:

 

He’s not as beautiful as mine

 

Jin’s breath caught

 

Mine

 

God

What was happening to him?

 

 

Yeonjun was handsome Perfect skin, neat hair, nice features.

But Jin felt nothing.

Not in his chest

Not in his stomach

Not in his body

But Taehyung?

Taehyung made his mind blank.

Made his lungs forget to breathe

.
Made that dangerous warmth spread across his skin.

 

He swallowed

 

Maybe he wasn’t attracted to men.

Maybe he wasn’t questioning his sexuality

 

Maybe…

he was only reacting to one person

 

Maybe it was only Taehyung

 

Only his Taehyung

the thought slipped out again before he could stop it.

He pressed his fingers into the bridge of his nose, annoyed with himself.

 

This wasn’t about gender,

It was about the boy he couldn’t get out of his lungs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He wished everything ended that night.

But it didn’t

It got worse

 

Every day since the campsite felt like he was sinking again—slowly this time, quietly.

First came the anger

 

He woke up angry,

Went to bed angry

Snapped at everyone around him., everyone was confused at his actions

Except his mother , she would always talks to him as he was still her little “Taehyungie”

 

His father treating him like some fragile glass , asking if he was ok all the time

 

Taehuyng hate it all

Hate this hopeless

Hate this despair , this cage..

 

As if he was trapped in emotions he can understand

 
He ignored Jimin’s calls

Avoided Jungkook’s jokes,

Rolled his eyes whenever Namjoon tried to talk.

He hated himself too for that but-

He didn’t want their pity

Didn’t want their questions.

 

Didn’t want to explain why Jin walking away that night felt like someone punched a hole in his chest.

 

Why did Jin leave like that?

 

Let’s end whatever this is

 

Why didn’t he explain anything?

 

All this was meaningless to you?

Why didn’t he look at him?

 

Why did he act like Taehyung was just some kid who needed “taking care of”?

 

 

Was it meaningful to you?

 

Then came the confusion,

 

Some days, Taehyung couldn’t breathe without feeling water at the back of his throat.

Some nights he woke up terrified, reaching for someone who wasn’t there.

Sometimes he remembered something，

something small, tiny, like a child’s voice calling his name,

or the smell of winter,

or someone’s warm hand wrapped around his.

But when he tried to hold onto it—

it slipped.

Everything slipped.

 

 

And then… came the longing，

It crept in slowly, painfully, after the anger burned itself out.

He missed him.

God, he missed him so much it hurt.

He missed his voice.

His warmth.

His stupid forehead

His shy smile , red ears

His way of looking away whenever Taehyung leaned too close.

His woody pine with soup scent

The shape of his hands

He missed everything.

Some nights he woke up with his hand reaching toward the empty side of the bed,

 

breath shaky, whispering: please don’t leave me

 

 

He hated how he cared.

He hated himself for caring.

He hated Jin more for making him feel like this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was quiet

 

Too quiet

 

Taehyung woke up with his heart racing again , that familiar tightness in his chest again,

the cold sweat at the back of his neck.

 

He stared at his dark ceiling for a few seconds, trying to breathe,

trying to convince himself he wasn’t underwater, that nothing was pulling him down.

 

But the moment he shut his eyes, flashes came again ,

cold water, that blurry echo of his name, the panic he couldn’t explain.

He sat up quickly, breath unsteady

He didn’t think much after that

He grabbed his pillow , dragging it behind him across the wooden floor the same way he did when he was little , and slipped out of his room quietly.

The hallway light was dim, warm. ..familiar.

 

He stopped in front of his parents’ door for a moment, pressing his forehead gently against the wood, breathing in slowly… then finally pushed it open.

 

His mother stirred first

She always did

 

Her eyes blinked open softly, no surprise on her face , only concern, the quiet kind she kept tucked behind her gentle smile.

“Taehyungie…?” she whispered.

 

Taehyung didn’t say anything, just stood there hugging his pillow, curls messy and chest still rising too fast.

 

That was enough

 

She lifted the blanket without asking.

 

“You’re tired,” she murmured. “Come here, baby.”

Her voice cracked the ache inside him.

 

He crawled in wordlessly, the mattress dipping under his weight.

He settled between them like he used to when thunderstorms scared him as a child.

His mother immediately wrapped her arm around him, pulling him closer until his forehead rested against her shoulder.

 

She didn’t speak,

She only stroked his hair slowly, like she was brushing away whatever fear clung to him.

 

Same warmth he had felt  barely six weeks ago , when he hold him

 

After a moment, she whispered into his curls:

“Nightmare again?”

 

Bad dream?

 

Taehyung nodded , just a small movement.

His mother sighed softly, her thumb tracing gentle circles against his back,

grounding him in a way he hadn’t been able to do himself for weeks.

 

Why it felt so familiar now ?

 

That same safe feeling

 

He didn’t cry. He didn’t know how to explain the tightness in his chest.

But she felt it anyway , her hand slowed, her touch softened even more.

 

They stayed like that for a long moment.

Taehyung breathing unevenly.

His mother holding him like she was trying to shield him from whatever invisible thing was hurting him.

 

And she knew

 

Of course she knew

 

Mothers always know

 

She had been watching him for the past weeks , the forced smiles,

the quiet mood, the way her son kept checking the front door like waiting for someone who didn’t come.

 

The way Jin hadn’t visited either

 

Something had happened during that camping trip

She didn’t know what

But she knew her baby was hurt

 

Deeply

 

Taehyung buried his face against her shoulder, inhaling the comfort he grew up with.

 

 

She didn’t push him to talk, didn’t ask him anything , she only held him tighter.

She whispered quietly, almost to herself,

“It’s okay… whatever it is, it’s okay. You can rest here”

 

He finally exhaled then , the kind of soft, shaky breath that comes from relief.

From being understood without explaining.

 

Her hand brushed his cheek, brushing away a tear he hadn’t realized slipped out.

 

“You’ve been carrying something heavy, Taetae,” she whispered,

 “I can see it”

Another breath caught in his chest.

She pressed a small kiss to his temple

“Sleep, my baby. Omma is here”

 

His father, half-asleep, shifted beside them and placed his hand over Taehyung’s arm unconsciously,

like instinct , like he had always known how to hold his son even without waking up.

 

 

Taehyung’s throat tightened again

He closed his eyes, finally letting the warmth wrap around him.

The ache in his chest softened

His heartbeat slowed

And for the first time in six weeks…

 

 

He slept

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

His apartment greeted him with the same hollow quiet

Shoes off. Blazer over the chair. Tie loosened

 

Yeontan was still sleeping in his soft crib , just as he had left him that afternoon

 

He walked straight to the kitchen, set his briefcase down, and exhaled like the day had been holding him underwater.

 

He microwaved leftovers he didn’t even want,

Opened his laptop for work he didn’t care about.

 

Checked his phone for a message he didn’t receive.

 

The loneliness felt familiar, old, worn in, like a coat he’d inherited and couldn’t throw away.

 

He sat at the counter and stared at nothing

 

His phone lighten softly at the dark , new message came

 

Not from him , again

 

Hana :   jinni , don’t forget the dinner with appa this weekened

I already booked the restaurant , is your favourite

 

His favorite

 

He got another favourite now

 

He had got the deal of Mr.Choi case that day  ,Clients praised him,

Has a girlfriend now 

 

His father bragged about him now

 

Jin Scoffed at the thought

 

 

 

 

 

The world saw a man who had everything under control:

The perfect picture of a man on the right path.

But the truth felt like a fist around his ribs.

He wasn’t the perfect picture.

He was the frame

Hollow behind it

Some nights, he lied awake wondering why the life he built looked beautiful from the outside but felt like a prison from the inside.

 

 

Tonight, he wondered something else entirely

why Yeonjun’s gaze stuck in his mind, more than Mr. Choi’s praise

 

He rubbed his forehead, frustrated

 

“Why now?” he whispered

 

But he knew the answer,

He knew exactly when everything started cracking open:

 

A boy in a blue coat,trembling voice saying hyung

hand clutching his shirt in a dark tent

 

A kiss in the dark

Warm breath demanding and whispering I want you completely

 

He pressed his palms into his eyes until stars flashed behind them.

He could survive a career that didn’t fit

He could survive expectations, pressure, loneliness.

 

But this

 

This quiet unraveling of his entire self

this ache he didn’t know how to name

this longing for someone he shouldn’t want

This might be the one thing he couldn’t survive.

 

He opened his eyes to the dim kitchen

 

The untouched bowl of reheated food and the silence that felt thicker than air.

He whispered to the empty room: “I don’t know how to stop this”

His voice cracked on this

 

And for the first time in years, Kim Seokjin,

perfect son, perfect man, perfect mask

felt truly, painfully trapped

Not by his job

Not by his father, not by the life he lived

But by a boy with honey eyes

And the memory of a kiss he couldn’t forget.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He wasn’t expecting the doorbell

He had just walked out of the shower, hair still damp, shirt clinging faintly to his skin from the leftover warmth.

The apartment was quiet , the same way it had been since the night he came back from the campsite.

 

He took a breath, wiped his hands on a towel, and opened the door

 

 

 

 

“Eomeonim?”

 

 

She stood there smiling, holding a tray of neatly wrapped side dishes

kimchi, japchae, lotus root, things she knew he liked since he was a teenager.

 

“Tae’s appa made too much”  She lifted the tray casually

 

“We thought our Jinnie might need something warm to eat”

 

Jin stepped aside immediately

“Aigoo… you really didn’t have to. Please come in”

 

It was her first time visiting his home since he moved back

 

The second she stepped inside, something softened in her eyes,

Jin’s apartment was pristine  warm-toned, tidy, every object placed with a quiet kind of discipline.

 

The living room smelled faintly of laundry soap and pine wood. The shelves were organized perfectly. Even his small kitchen was spotless.

She took it all in slowly

 

“Your home… it’s beautiful, Jin-ah,” she said quietly.

 

 

He bowed his head, embarrassed.

“I just tried to make it… comfortable”

Her eyes softened further.

“Just like before,” she murmured, more to herself than to him.

 

He looked up at that, confused , but she didn’t explain

 

She only smiled, walking a little deeper into his living room

 

He didn’t know she was remembering the little boy who used to run through these halls laughing,

Taehyung chasing behind him with a wooden toy sword.

 

He didn’t know she remembered the day he begged her husband to sell this house to Jin instead of a stranger.

 

He only felt nervous

Too nervous

 

Jin didn’t know why his throat felt tight. Maybe because she was the closest thing to a second mother he ever had.

Maybe because she was standing in the same room where he tried , every day , to pretend he was fine.

 

Or maybe because she was standing in the same room he had kissed her son once

 

She placed the tray on his kitchen island and turned back to him.

“You’ve been eating properly?” she asked gently.

 

He nodded

“Yes, eomeonim”

 

But she didn’t look convinced

 

 

 

Her gaze lingered on his face , on the faint exhaustion under his eyes, the slight

redness around the lids, the way his smile didn’t reach fully.

 

“Mhmm… I see,” she hummed quietly

 

He froze

 

Did she… know?

 

 

 

She began opening the containers, arranging them in his fridge with practiced familiarity , 

like she had always belonged in this kitchen,

 

like she had once cooked here, once picked up a little six-year-old boy from the floor

of this very living room.

 

“Eomeonim, ah ..please leave it , I will do it “

“Nah , your eomeonim love to do it “ she shoos him away

 

Her soft delicate movements around his kitchen  reminds him of him 

 

When she finished, she washed her hands at his sink, her movements gentle, slow

Then she turned toward him again.

 

“Jin-ah,” she said softly

Something about her tone made him swallow

 

“You look tired.”

He forced a small smile

 

“I’ve been… busy with work lately”

She nodded once, but her eyes didn’t buy it.

 

“You’re working hard,” she agreed. “As always”

 

Hyung, you always works hard

 

Jin gulps hard

 

Then her gaze softened even more, turning motherly, almost aching.

“But you’re not happy”

 

The words hit like a quiet blow

Jin froze, eyes flickering away

 

 

“Eomeonim, I—”

 

“You don’t have to pretend with me,” she interrupted gently.

His breath splintered

 

“your  eomeonim just knows Jin-ah”

He looked down at his feet, hands tightening faintly in front of him.

 

She stepped closer

 

Not invading , but enough that he could feel that motherly warmth he grew up with

 

Same warmth

 

“You’ve been avoiding us,” she said softly.“And I know why.”

 

His head lifted fast, shocked.

 

But she only smiled, a sad, knowing smile.

A smile that said she had noticed everything.

 

“You kept coming to our house when you first moved back,” she continued.

 

“You were always smiling. Always eating with us. Always talking with my boys”

 

Her voice softened on the last word

 

“All of us felt your warmth again. It made me happy”

 

Jin swallowed hard

 

“But then,” she said carefully, “you stopped”

 

His heart squeezed painfully

 

“And my baby stopped smiling…”

 

Jin’s breath caught

 

She wasn’t accusing him ,She wasn’t angry either  

“You two…” she began, eyes gentler than ever,

 

“You’re hurting in the same way”

 

His pulse picks up at that feeling his  jaw tightened

He didn’t deny it

 

Couldn’t

She watched him, her eyes soft with so much affection it almost broke him open.

 

“My Jinnie…” she whispered, raising a hand hesitantly.

 

He didn’t pull back when she cupped his cheek.

 

“You’ve always carried too much inside you,” she murmured. “Even as a boy”

 

His eyes stung

 

How can they both see what he always tries so hard to hide?

 

How is it so easy for his mask to fall… just because they look at him?

 

Look behind that mask

 

He blinked fast

 

 

She lowered her hand, stepping back.

“I won’t ask what happened. You can tell me when you want… or never”

She smiled gently

 

“I trust you. Always”

 

I trust you

 

He exhaled shakily

 

“Eomeonim…”

 

She turned toward the door, but paused before opening it.

 

She added softly ,eyes looking right into him,

as if trying to read the smallest tremor in his expression:

“He’s not doing very well either, Jin-ah”

 

His breath stilled

 

“He’s lost weight. Has been waking up at night. He thinks we don’t notice”

 

Her voice lowered

 

Silence.

A deep, heavy one

 

She gave him a warm, meaningful look , motherly, protective, almost pleading.

“Take care of yourself,” she said quietly

 

“Both of you”

 

 

 

Then she left, closing the door gently behind her

 

The apartment felt colder the moment she was gone

 

Jin stood there for a long time, eyes fixed on the door, breath stuck somewhere in his chest.

 

Her last words replayed in his mind, refusing to fade:

 

“He’s not doing very well either, Jin-ah”

 

 

 

 

God she knows 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

Hi :)

I apologize again if this story hurt you or brings you sadness :(

I just want to explore many sides of the emotions related to their love journey.

I hope you will cheer and root for both of them too :)

Thank you for all the kudos and for reading!

Chapter 28: Ghost

Summary:

He would whisper again

“God… Taehyung-ah… why did you do this to me?”

 

And the night never answered

 

 

 

 

 

They stumbled onto his living room couch, he was trying to steady the other’s eager body as it pressed clumsily all over him.

The kiss turned desperate and hot, the kind that burned from the inside out.

He felt like he couldn’t breathe without inhaling that sweet vanilla-strawberry fragrance now, like it was his whole air.

 

God, how he missed that smell

 

How he’d been craving it this whole time.

 

Like some addict

 

How the only glimpse he got of it now was through Yeontan’s fur.

 

 

 

 

Taehyung shifted suddenly, straddling his lap instead of lying over him.

Those addictive lips broke the kiss only to claim his neck, wet and slow and sinful.

 

“Wait…” Jin tried to slow down the eager lips and hands

 

“Hyung… you don’t want me?” Taehyung’s hooded eyes were looking down at him

 

“I… I— oh God, you don’t know how much”

Jin felt his words choke in his throat,

his chest contracting painfully under the weight of everything he’d been holding back.

 

 

“I want you too…” Taehyung answered hastily,

already tugging his shirt open with trembling fingers,

lips returning to his neck like he couldn’t stop himself.

 

“Taehyung-ah… wait, I—”

He couldn’t stop the eager boy now, but he let the words fall out anyway.

 

Please… let me tell you how I feel first.

 

“I… I missed you”

He didn’t even know he was crying until he felt those soft, long fingers cup his face gently,

wiping away the falling tears.

 

“So much… it hurts”
He closed his eyes because he couldn’t look into those deep eyes without spilling his truth.

 

They could read him too easily anyway… but he still couldn’t look at them.

 

“I lov—”
His words were cut off by Taehyung’s lips again,

and he let them devour him this time.

 

I love you

 

“Hyung…” Taehyung whimpers into his lips instead

 

Yeah,  ..my baby

 

He felt Taehyung shifted then, starting to grinds down on him.

 

And God, he couldn’t stop his body from reacting to the boy now

 

“Hyung… touch me”
Taehyung whispered  against his lips, warm breath brushing them,

before straightening on Jin’s waist. he took Jin’s hands and placed them on his pant zipper.

 

Jin could feel him,  hard, needy

 

God

 

Taehyung’s fingers moved to Jin’s belt next.

“Baby… wait, I want to tell you—”

 

“Hyung… touch me”

Taehyung started grinding again, slowly, sensually, and Jin felt himself slipping,

already right there….

 

But he wanted to tell him,

How much he’d missed him

How much he loved him,

How much he was still loving him

“Ah… Hyung…”

 

“Taehyung… Ah ,…please, I—” but before he could reach his peak  

 

He jolted awake

 

To his dark, empty room instead.

 

face damp , He was still crying from the feverish dream.

His pajama pants were tight.

 

He was still hard

 

Jin tried to steady his breath, pressing a hand to his racing heart.

 

He just had a feverish dream about him

 

He didn’t know how long he stayed like that,

Just lying there, hand pressed to his chest like he was trying to hold something inside from spilling out.

 

But it spilled anyway

 

A tiny sound escaped him first,

 

soft, shaky

 

almost like a whimper he didn’t recognize as his own.

Then another,

Then another ,

Until his breath wasn’t steady anymore, until it broke.

 

Jin curled onto his side, pressing his forehead into the pillow as if he could hide from the ache tearing through him.

His shoulders shook once, then twice, then fully,

no control, no restraint, no mask, no quiet dignity he usually kept glued to his face.

 

A sob tore out of him before he could stop it.

Then another one, louder

like something in him finally cracked open.

He pressed his palm hard against his mouth to muffle the sound,

but he couldn’t stop the shaking, couldn’t stop the burn in his throat,

couldn’t stop the way Taehyung’s name kept pounding inside his skull.

 

God, he had tried so hard

He tried ignoring him, avoiding him, shutting every thought down

But his body remembered,

 

His heart remembered

 

He dragged in a breath that broke halfway.

 

His chest hurt

Physically hurt

 

Jin pressed both hands over his face,

tears slipping between his fingers, warm and relentless

 

A quiet, broken whisper slipped out without permission again

not even a word, just a sound, raw and low.

 

His breath stuttered again

 

He missed him

 

God, he missed him so painfully he didn’t know where to put the feeling anymore.

 

He pressed his trembling hand against his forehead, swallowing back another sob.

 

“Taehyung…”

 

The name tasted like longing on his tongue.

 

 

He squeezed his eyes shut, chest heaving, wishing the dream had been real,

wishing he could’ve held him, kissed him, told him everything he swallowed down that night.

 

But he was alone

 

Completely, painfully alone

 

And for the first time, Jin didn’t hide from the truth anymore:

He wasn’t just missing Taehyung’s smell or lips or warmth.

 

He missed him

All of him

The whole boy

 

And it hurt in a way Jin didn’t know how to survive

 

 

He lay there in the dark, tears slipping down his temples as he whispered into the empty air:

“God… I miss you”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The morning came too fast now ,

 

Jin hate it

He didn’t sleep after the dream,

Maybe he slept thirty minutes at most, if the dark blur before dawn counted as sleep.

His eyes burned when he rubbed them, but he got up anyway.

 

Routine,

Routine kept him from thinking

 

He showered with water too cold for February

 

He brushed his teeth with a shaking hand, tied his tie perfectly on the first try

 

He looked like himself in the mirror

 

But the man staring back felt like a ghost.

 

 

He grabbed his briefcase and left the apartment before the sun even rose.

Work was easier than breathing,

Work didn’t demand anything from him

Work didn’t ask what he was feeling.

So Jin threw himself into it with everything he had.

 

Emails,contracts,meetings, phone calls

 

 

He worked with Mr. Choi’s team at their office now, gathering data for the case.

 

He barely heard what anyone said, but he wrote every word down neatly.

He nodded at everything

He spoke calmly,

He smiled politely,

Perfect Kim Seokjin

Only at lunch did he realize he hadn’t eaten in two days.

 

“Mr.Kim would you like to have lunch here or..?” he didn’t let Yeonjun complete his sentence

He drank a coffee instead.

Then another

Then another

 

By evening, his heart was beating too fast, too loud ,
but at least it drowned out everything else.

 

When he got home, the silence hit him first.

 

That awful silence that wrapped around his chest and squeezed

He dropped his bag on the floor

Didn’t bother turning the lights on

Didn’t bother taking off his tie

 

He reached for the cigarette box immediately

Namjoon’s brand

He bought the same one now

 

He opened the balcony door, cold air hitting his face

One cigarette

Then another

And  another

 

Until his fingers smelled like smoke and the burn in his throat felt better than the burn in his chest.

 

He didn’t talk to anyone anymore

 

He ignored Namjoon’s messages

Left Hana’s calls unanswered

Pretended he was “busy” when she texted something sweet

 

Days passed like that

Maybe a week

Maybe two

 

He didn’t know

 

The only living thing he didn’t avoid was Yeontan.

 

“Come here, Tan-ah,” he whispered one night, voice so soft it cracked.

 

Yeontan waddled over and pawed at his lap, curling into him like he belonged there.

Jin buried his face in the pup’s fur, inhaling deeply.

 

Vanilla

Strawberry

Warm

 

The scent was faint , so faint , but it stabbed him anyway.

 

“You smell like him…” Jin murmured brokenly, eyes shutting.

 

Yeontan nudged his cheek, licking away a tear Jin didn’t even feel falling.

 

Some nights he brought Yeontan to bed with him,

holding the tiny body against his chest just to feel something alive.

 

Just to pretend he wasn’t alone.

 

Other nights he couldn’t stand the silence.

He left the TV on ,some random show he didn’t watch, didn’t follow.

 

Just noise

Any noise

Anything to stop himself from thinking.

He trained again too

Late at night, in his tiny home gym

Push-ups until his arms trembled

Deadlifts until his legs stopped feeling like his own.

Sit-ups until he tasted blood in his mouth from breathing too hard.

He wanted to be tired.

So tired he wouldn’t dream

So tired he wouldn’t feel.

He kept going until sweat dripped from his chin to the floor, until his muscles screamed.

 

And still 

Taehyung’s name echoed somewhere under his ribs.

 

Every night he showered and stood under the water longer than needed,

forehead pressed to the wall, trying to scrub something off his skin that wouldn’t go away.

 

Every night he opened the fridge, stared at the food Mrs. Kim brought him, and closed it again.

Every night he reached for the bottle of liquor on the counter.

 

Just one drink

 

Then two

 

Then three

 

Enough to numb, not enough to forget.

He couldn’t forget.

He didn’t speak to a single person for days.

Didn’t want to

 

But sometimes, when the house got too quiet, he whispered to Yeontan like he was confessing to a friend

“I don’t know how to stop missing him”

 

Yeontan only curled into him

 

Jin’s eyes burned

 

Sometimes, he broke then too , quietly, pressing his forehead to the dog’s back,

biting down on the ache that refused to leave.

 

He would whisper again

“God… Taehyung-ah… why did you do this to me?”

 

 

 

And the night never answered

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minjae spotted him before Taehyung noticed anything

 

A small silhouette standing under the streetlight, bundled in a huge brown coat that swallowed half his frame,

curls falling over his eyes, scarf covering half his face.

 

He looked beautiful still

 

Beautiful in that raw, undone way only heartbreak could carve

 

Minjae’s chest tightened

 

Taehyung raised his head slowly when he heard footsteps.His eyes were darker now,

shadowed underneath like he hadn’t slept in weeks.

 

Long black curls framed his face, messy and overgrown.

 

He looked older. Softer. Quieter

 

And so painfully, unfairly beautiful it almost knocked the air out of Minjae.

They used to come here all the time

 

The ahjumma still recognized Taehyung the second they approached and scolded him like her own child for losing weight,

for not visiting.

Taehyung only bowed with a tiny smile that didn’t touch his eyes.

 

 

They ate first in an awkward silence.

Tteokbokki steaming between them, fish cakes warming their cold hands.

Taehyung poked at his food quietly, eyes unfocused, like he wasn’t really here.

 

Minjae kept glancing at him

 

At the curls hiding half his face

 

At the way his fingers trembled around the paper cup of hot broth.

 

He couldn’t pretend he didn’t see it anymore.

 

“Taehyung-ah…” he said softly, voice careful.

The younger looked up, eyes tired but polite.

“I… I wanted to apologize. About that night. I shouldn’t have carried you to the water at the campsite. I..I didn’t know”

 

 

Taehyung shook his head lightly.

“It’s fine, hyung”

 

It wasn’t

 

They both knew that

 

But Minjae swallowed and pushed gently again.

 

“I just… I wanted to check if you’re okay”

 

Something flickered in Taehyung’s eyes

 

A small crack

 

As if no one had asked him that in a very long time

 

Minjae wanted to ask the question burning in his chest

 

Was it him?

 

Was it Jin you were crying for that night?

Why did Jin know about your fear?

 

And not Me

 

How?

 

But he didn’t ask

 

He couldn’t

 

It wasn’t his place anymore

 

He cleared his throat instead

“Taehyung… did you know? That you have water phobia?”

 

Taehyung’s hand stilled

He blinked slowly, confusion flickering through his expression like a lost child.

 

“I… I didn’t,” he whispered

 

 

Minjae’s heart clenched

The younger looked so lost, so small,

fingers curling tightly around the paper cup like it was keeping him together.

 

“What happened to you?” Minjae whispered before he could stop himself

Taehyung just looked down

He didn’t answer

Didn’t need to

 

The silence around them said enough

 

By the time they finished eating, Taehyung’s cheeks were flushed from the soju,

his gaze glassy, lips trembling whenever he tried to breathe too deeply.

 

He looked one second away from breaking apart

 

And he did

 

It came softly at first , a sniffle, a shaky breath,

fingers rubbing at his eyes like he was embarrassed to cry.

 

Then suddenly everything fell

 

Taehyung leaned forward, shoulders shaking, tears falling silently into his coat sleeves.

 

“Taehyung-ah….” Minjae reached out instinctively, heart folding in on itself

 

It should’ve been him

 

He had never seen Taehyung cry for him like this

 

Never seen him unravel like this.

Never seen him fall apart for anyone

 

Except now… for someone else

 

For him

 

The man Minjae didn’t dare name

 

Something hot and ugly twisted in Minjae’s chest

Jealousy

 

Fear

 

Regret

All tangled up

 

He cupped Taehyung’s cheeks softly, trying to wipe the tears, trying to soothe him.

 

“Tae-ah… don’t cry. Please”

The younger blinked at him, confused, drunk, hurting, his curls sticking to his wet cheeks.

 

Minjae leaned in before he could think

Before he could stop himself

 

He kissed him

 

Soft

Desperate

Wrong

 

Taehyung froze

 

He pulled back immediately, breath catching, hands pushing lightly against Minjae’s chest.

“W–what are you doing, hyung…?” His voice cracked.

 

Minjae’s heart sank

 

 

He swallowed hard, shaking his head, trying to grab Taehyung’s wrist gently

“Taehyung-ah… let’s get back together”

 

 

 

 

The younger stared at him , shocked, hurt, trembling , 

like Minjae had spoken in a language he couldn’t understand anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next week blurred,

Jin was spending more time at Mr. Choi’s company now,

sitting in one of those glass-walled temporary offices while gathering documents, records, contracts , 

anything he needed to build the case.

 

He arrived early

Left late

Didn’t talk unless absolutely necessary

 

He didn’t want to be here

He didn’t want to be anywhere

But he wanted to keep moving, keep working, keep drowning his mind in tasks so it wouldn’t drift back to him.

 

He adjusted his tie as he stepped into the office area, laptop bag heavy on his shoulder.

The place smelled of coffee, new printers, and that corporate clean smell he started to resent lately.

 

“Mr. Kim?”

 

Yeonjun appeared again , bright smile, neat hair,

shirt tucked perfectly, holding a stack of files like he lived for moments like this.

 

He walked over with too much energy for Jin’s current mood.

 

“Good morning,” Yeonjun greeted warmly

 

“Mr. Choi asked me to help you settle in. Did you have breakfast? Should I get you coffee? Americano? Latte?”

Jin didn’t look up

“No,” he replied simply. “I’m fine”

 

He was anything but fine

 

He hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday

 

 

He felt Yeonjun hesitate beside him

“Uh… okay”

A small laugh. Nervous

“If you need anything, just tell me. Really. Anything.”

 

Jin nodded once

 

He didn’t look at him

 

Didn’t have the energy to

 

He set up his laptop and began typing immediately,

drowning himself in digital documents so he wouldn’t have to speak.

 

But Yeonjun stayed near, hovering politely like he was assigned to shadow him.

 

“Mr. Choi said I should help you with gathering last year’s contracts. I organized them by month for you” He placed a binder gently on the desk.

 

Jin muttered a quiet, “Thank you Yeonjun-sshi!”

 

It sounded cold even to him

 

 

Yeonjun blinked, thrown off for a second

He leaned on the desk slightly, tone softening    “You know… you can call me Yeonjun. No need for formalities”

 

Jin kept typing

“Noted”

 

He didn’t look up

Didn’t smile

Didn’t even pretend to soften the tone

 

Yeonjun tried again

 

“I was thinking,” he said with a small chuckle,

 

“Maybe after you’re done with today’s part, I could take you to our cafeteria. It’s actually pretty good. They serve—”

 

“No”

The word left Jin too fast, too sharp.

 

He paused

 

Even he wasn’t expecting that tone

 

Yeonjun blinked, surprised. “Oh… I just… I didn’t mean to bother you, sunbaenim”

 

“You’re not bothering me,” Jin said automatically , but the words were hollow

Cold,

He sighed inwardly

 

Why he is being such a jerk ?

Why was he acting like this? This wasn’t his normal self

 

Or maybe it was , he just got to know now

The younger was just being friendly,

Doing his job

Being kind

 

And Jin kept cutting him down like the world had wronged him personally.

 

Which it had

 

But Yeonjun wasn’t the one who broke him

 

Still… every time the younger smiled at him, every time he leaned close to show a document,

every time he poured him coffee or brushed past him gently…

 

Jin’s chest tightened in irritation he didn’t understand

 

He didn’t want anyone near him

He didn’t want anyone’s attention

He didn’t want anyone flirting with him

 

Because the only person who made his heart react ,the only person he wanted to react to ,

had walked away from him and left him starving

 

So why accept someone else now?

 

He didn’t want to

 

Couldn’t

 

He wasn’t even sure that he is into men anymore

 

“Mr. Kim, should I print the financial statements for you?” Yeonjun asked softly,

voice still hopeful

“No,..Thank you” Jin said again, eyes fixed on the screen

 

He didn’t lift his head even when Yeonjun placed a fresh cup of hot coffee beside him.

“I noticed you looked tired,” the younger murmured. “Thought it might help”

 

Jin’s jaw clenched

 

He pushed the cup gently but unmistakably away

“I said I’m fine”

 

Yeonjun’s face fell, but he masked it with a polite nod

“R-right. Of course”

 

Jin exhaled loudly, fingers rubbing between his eyes

“Yeonjun”

 

The younger turned immediately

“Yes?”

Jin swallowed the frustration, the exhaustion, the guilt

“I… apologize. I’m just… busy”

 

He couldn’t say broken

Couldn’t say hurt

Couldn’t say I’m still searching for a ghost every time I close my eyes

 

Yeonjun softened again

 

“It’s okay,” he smiled. “Really”

 

Jin only nodded, feeling even worse.

They worked in silence for hours

 

Jin buried himself in spreadsheets,writing documents until his hands are numb ,

fingers aching

Yeonjun sorted documents with quiet diligence.

 

 

Every so often, Jin felt eyes on him , tentative, shy, lingering ,

and he fought the urge to say

 

  Stop looking at me

 

 

Not because it offended him

But because it made him realize even more painfully that he felt nothing

Absolutely nothing

 

No spark

No flutter

No warmth

 

No Taehyung

 

 

By the end of the day, Jin closed his laptop with a tired sigh.

Yeonjun stepped forward again, hopeful.

 

“Do you need a ride home? It’s late. I can—”

“No,” Jin said instantly. Almost harshly

Again

 

He grabbed his bag

“I’ll go alone”

Yeonjun nodded tightly this time

 

“Okay… Have a good evening, Mr. Kim”

Jin didn’t answer

He just walked out

Dear God he just…

He wanted silence

He wanted darkness

He wanted the only creature who didn’t demand anything from him

 

He wanted home

Liquor

The quiet hum of the TV

Yeontan’s soft fur between his fingers 

the closest thing he had left of him

 

And when he reached his apartment and opened the door…

He set his bag down

 

And after he prepared Yeontan food , and watched him eating silently

There was no hesitation

Opened the liquor cabinet, poured a drink with shaking hands.

 

Yeontan waddled over immediately

 

“Tan-ah, …hello” Jin whispered, voice cracking as he sank onto the couch

 

The pup climbed onto his lap, pressing close, warm and familiar

 

Jin stroked his fur slowly, head falling back against the sofa

 

“what did you do today ? hm ” the puppy only whines curls closer as an answer

 

Only then did he exhale

A long, shaky breath he’d been holding in all day

 

“Let’s just go to sleep,” he whispered to the dog

 

“I’m tired… baby, ….I’m so tired”

 

And Yeontan stayed with him

Silent

Warm

 

The only thing keeping Jin from falling apart completely.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jin stood straight in the courtroom, suit crisp, voice steady, every sentence sharp and confident.

He argued cleanly, precisely. No stuttering. No shaking hands

His mask didn’t even crack.

 

 

He won the case on the first hearing

 

 

Mr. Choi almost lifted him off the ground with how hard he clapped Jin’s back afterwards.

“Bravo, Jin-ssi! You handled it beautifully. Perfect. Absolutely perfect!”

 

Jin bowed, polite smile on, throat dry

 

“You did all the hard work, sir. I only presented it”

 

“Nonsense! Tonight we celebrate. Everyone , dinner and drinks, my treat!”

 

Jin wanted to go home. To his quiet apartment. To Yeontan.

 

To collapse under the weight of his own chest.

 

But running away would look suspicious

So he nodded

“Of course, sir!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The celebration dinner was loud, crowded, expensive ,

too bright, too much laughter, too many people talking at once.

 

Jin sat stiffly at the long table, tie loosened just barely.Yeonjun sat beside him,

fidgeting slightly with the hem of his jacket.

 

He kept glancing at Jin from the corner of his eye,

 

“Congratulations again, Mr. Kim,” Yeonjun said softly, offering him water

“You were… amazing today”

 

Jin forced a smile

“Thank you, you worked hard too”

 

He was just being honest , but also a part of him felt guilty

The younger’s cheeks went pink

 

He wasn’t being obvious with his flirting that night , he was shy, careful, respectful.

Always keeping just enough distance so Jin wouldn’t be uncomfortable.

Always attentive , handing him napkins, refilling water, asking if he needed anything.

But Jin kept shifting away by instinct, something tight pulling under his ribs every time Yeonjun leaned in too close.

 

Not because the boy annoyed him -not really

 

But because someone else lived in his lungs now

 

Someone with messy curls and bright eyes,

 

He wasn’t in the room , but he was in every breath

 

 

Mr. Choi clapped for another round of drinks

 

“Come on, Jin-ssi! Loosen up! Drink!”

 

Jin didn’t want to

 

He knew himself , if he started he can’t stop

 

But refusing would draw attention, so he lifted his glass and downed it quickly.

 

The liquor burned down his throat, warm and sharp ,

not strawberry-sweet like that Bokbunja.. like Taehyung’s breath…

 

 

God

 

He drank another

 

And another

 

He wasn’t drunk. Not yet

 

But his edges were blurring.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Across the table, a senior manager , gray suit, slick hair, mean eyes ,

lifted his hand without looking

“You. Secretary… What was your name again?… Bring ice”

 

He snapped his fingers. Actually snapped

 

Yeonjun froze for half a second before bowing politely

“Yes, sir”

 

“And bring more soju while you’re at it,” the senior added,

not even glancing at him

“Hurry. You’re young , move faster”

 

Jin’s jaw tightened

 

Yeonjun returned quickly, placing drinks gently on the table

 

“Should have come sooner,” the senior grunted,

taking the glass sharply from his hand

“You’re too slow. Secretary or decoration? Which one is it?”

 

A few people laughed

 

Yeonjun lowered his head, voice small

“I’m… sorry, sir”

 

Something snapped inside Jin , quietly, sharply, before he even understood it.

 

“That’s enough,” Jin said, voice calm but cold

 

The table went still

 

The senior looked up, annoyed

“What?”

 

“You're speaking to him disrespectfully,” Jin continued, tone controlled, deadly polite.

“He’s doing his job properly. You’re the only one mistaking him for a servant”

Yeonjun’s head shot up, eyes wide

 

The senior scoffed

“Watch your tone, Mr. Kim. I’m not your client”

 

“And I’m not your subordinate,” Jin replied, eyes steady

“Nor will I sit here and let you belittle someone for your own entertainment”

 

Silence

 

 

Mr. Choi cleared his throat loudly

“Alright, let’s not ruin the night. Jin-ssi is right , ease up. Drink, drink!”

 

The tension broke. People laughed awkwardly

 

The senior glared but shut up

 

Yeonjun looked at Jin like he’d just saved his house from burning down

 

“Th-thank you…sunbaenim” he whispered later, voice shaking slightly.

“No one ever… defended me like that”

 

“It wasn’t a big deal” Jin exhaled through his nose

 

“It was,” Yeonjun said softly, eyes glossy

“You didn’t have to step in”

 

Jin didn’t answer

 

He didn’t know how

 

 

 

He didn’t even know why he reacted so strongly ,

 

why the thought of someone being humiliated like that made something in him rise up like a storm.

 

Maybe because he knew how it felt

 

Maybe because he had spent too long pretending he was fine

 

Maybe because he couldn’t protect the one person he wanted to protect.

 

 

He drank again

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the time the night ended, He was drunk

 

Not sloppy,

Not staggering

 

But drunk in that dangerous, quiet way ,

the way where his eyes went red

and his heart felt too heavy to hold in.

 

 

He stepped outside for air

Cold wind slapped his face

He closed his eyes, inhaled deeply,

 

Warm breath

Vanilla

Strawberry

Lips whispering, Hyung…

 

Stop

 

A soft voice broke his thoughts.

 

“Mr. Kim?”

 

Yeonjun stood in front of him, looking shy and emotional,

cheeks pink from the cold and the drinks.

 

 

“I just wanted to say… thank you. Really. Tonight meant a lot to me.”

Jin opened his mouth to tell him it wasn’t necessary,

 

 

But Yeonjun stepped closer

 

Too close

 

Before Jin could move, the younger leaned in,

and kissed him.

 

Soft. Hesitant. Quick

A light brush of lips , just enough to shock Jin’s entire nervous system.

 

He froze

 

Not because he wanted it

 

But because it felt like someone punched a bruise he’d been hiding

 

He jerked back immediately, voice low and sharp:

“Don’t”

 

Yeonjun’s eyes widened, face draining color..

“I..I’m sorry… I just…. you were so kind…. I thought….”

 

 

“You thought wrong,” Jin said, harsher than he intended

But he couldn’t stop.

 

His heart was pounding too violently

 

“It’s not you. I can’t…. I’m not…” He swallowed hard

“I’m sorry”

 

 

 

Yeonjun stood there trembling, lips parted, confusion and hurt mixing in his eyes.

“Mr. Kim… did I… misunderstand?”

 

Jin closed his eyes, forcing breath into lungs that didn’t want to expand.

“Yes,” he whispered

 

“You did !”

 

And maybe,

maybe the saddest part was,

 

Jin wished he could blame the alcohol,

 

But the truth was cruel and simple:

 

It wasn’t that he didn’t want men

 

It was that he didn’t want anyone

 

except the one person he couldn’t have

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He stumbled into a taxi because the cold air wasn’t helping, because he was so out of his mind at the moment to drive

His hands trembled on his knees, breath shaky, jaw clenched so tight it hurt

The city lights outside the window blurred into long streaks of orange and white

 

His phone buzzed once

 

Then twice

 

Then again

 

He didn't look at it at first

He didn’t want to see anything

 

 

He wants to cry

 

He just wanted to shut his brain off

Forget the taste of alcohol

Forget the shock on Yeonjun’s face

Forget the fact that he flinched like he’d been burned

 

Forget the boy whose name sat like a weight inside his chest

But the buzzing didn’t stop

 

He finally grabbed the phone with a heavy sigh

 

Three new messages

 

The first one was from Mr. Choi

 

Mr. Choi:
Jin-ssi! Brilliant work today. Couldn’t have won without you. Very proud.

 

Jin stared at the screen blankly

 

Proud

 

The word felt like a joke

 

He swiped to the next one

 

Dad:
Good job. Your uncle said the hearing was smooth.

That’s how a Kim should perform.

 

 

His stomach clenched

 

That’s how a Kim should perform

 

A Kim ?   He scoffed internally

 

A neat box

A perfect son

A perfect mask

 

He suddenly felt sick

 

Before he could put the phone down, another notification flashed

 

A message from Hana

 

He exhaled sharply

 

This one he already knew would hurt

 

Hana:
jinni… you forgot about the dinner with appa today…

jinni I waited for you.

He was upset. I was upset too.

What’s going on with you?

His throat tightened

 

What’s going on with you?

 

Everything

 

Everything was going on

 

He let his head fall back against the taxi seat,

eyes stinging from the burn rising behind them

 

Shit

 

He was a mess

 

He knew it

 

He knew it so clearly it physically hurt , in his ribs, in his temples,

in that soft spot behind his sternum where him still lived like a bruise that wouldn’t heal.

 

He typed nothing back

 

Because what was he supposed to say?

 

 

Sorry, Hana. I was too busy having a breakdown in the cold after a man kissed me

and all I could think about was another man's mouth.

 

 

Sorry, Dad, the perfect son is crumbling

 

 

Sorry, Mr. Choi, I defended your secretary because I can’t stand bullies anymore and

because I can’t protect the one person I want to.

 

He shut the screen off

 

His reflection stared back at him in the taxi window:

 

Eyes red

 

Tie crooked

 

Mouth trembling like someone who had forgotten how to breathe

 

 

 

 

He whispered to himself, so low he could barely hear it:

“Shit… what am I doing…?”

 

His world was burning quietly

 

and everyone else thought he was doing great

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

please don't hate me 🤡 🥹

will come later for edit :)

Thanks for reading ☘️

Chapter 29: ✨ Still Yours

Summary:

Are you okay if I'm with somеone else?
Let's take it way back, slowly

Make it feel better, yeah,
make it forever

Don't say it's okay

 

Said I'm alright, said I'll be fine
I'm sorry, they're all lies

Please don't leave

 

Please don't go, so far away

 

Love Me Again ✨ _ V (Layover) 2023

Notes:

Please don’t lose hope in their love 💜

 

Wr: Long emotional chapter ahead

 

I wish you a happy reading 💌

 

 

 

 

 

 

The studio smelled like coffee and wood polish , 

 

That same faint scent Jin always remembered from years ago,

 

when they were still teenagers and Namjoon used to record mixtapes in his bedroom.

 

 

He stood at the door for a second, box of pizza in one hand, a bottle of expensive red wine in the other.

He could hear faint music leaking through the closed door , 

 

A melody that sounded like loneliness dressed as something beautiful

 

He smiled quietly

 

Of course Namjoon would still sound like that

 

He knocked twice

 

 

“Come in,” came the muffled voice

 

Jin pushed the door open

 

 

Namjoon looked up from behind the console,

his glasses slipping slightly down his nose, hair a mess, hoodie sleeves pushed up to his elbows.

 

For a second, his face showed nothing but surprise , then warmth

“Hyung?” he said, voice soft, disbelieving

“Wow… look who finally remembered his little brother’s friend”

 

 

Jin smiled sheepishly

“I brought peace offerings” He lifted the wine and the pizza like trophies

 

 

 

Namjoon laughed, standing to hug him

“You didn’t have to..”

 

“I did,” Jin cut him off, patting his back briefly

 “I owed you more than pizza…”

 

They sat down on the couch in the corner ,

 the one piled with wires, lyric sheets, and old coffee cups.

The first few minutes were quiet,

awkward in that way only people with shared history could be.

 

They talked about the usual things: weather,

 

 work, a few harmless jokes about getting older

The elephant in the room , or rather, the name , 

 

hung silently between them like a ghost they both refused to acknowledge.

 

Neither said it

Neither needed to

 

Jin poured the wine carefully, handed a glass over

“To what?” Namjoon asked, raising his brow

Jin smiled faintly. “To surviving”

 

Namjoon’s lips curved just slightly before he clinked glasses

 

 

They drank

 

 

After a while, the awkwardness faded,

replaced by that old, comfortable rhythm,

 

Jin teased Namjoon about his messy studio

 

Namjoon teased Jin about his expensive suit and polished shoes

 

 

“Business must be going well, huh?” Namjoon asked, half-grinning

 

Jin shrugged, leaning back “Yeah. I’m getting rich now”

he joked lightly, forcing a smile

“But apparently money doesn’t make you any more interesting”

 

 

Namjoon chuckled, shaking his head

 “You’ve always been interesting, hyung. Just… quiet about it”

 

 

Jin looked down at his glass, swirling the wine

He wanted to laugh, but the sound stuck somewhere in his throat

Silence slipped in again,  gentle, not heavy

 

It was the kind of silence between two people who knew

each other too well to fill it with empty words.

 

Namjoon started talking about his album , the release, the nerves, the excitement.

His eyes lit up as he spoke, his hands moving with that old familiar energy.

 

Jin listened, really listened, smiling softly

“Your album’s going to do amazing,” he said, meaning it

 

“You always manage to turn pain into art. I envy that...”

Namjoon looked at him, gaze steady

“You turn it into quiet,” he said simply

 

Jin blinked “What?”

 

Namjoon smiled, a little sadly

“You’ve always been too good at hiding, hyung”

 

Jin’s laugh was small, uncertain

“Maybe. Hiding pays better though,” he tried to joke again, lifting his glass.

 

 

Namjoon didn’t laugh this time

 

He only looked at him for a moment longer,

like he could see right through every careful word.

Then he leaned back, letting him have that space

They talked for another hour , about anything but what mattered.

It was easier that way

 

It was always this easy with Namjoon. He didn’t need to explain

 

Namjoon didn’t ask him either

 

When one talked, the other listened

 

That’s why they were close best friends. Still…

 

But Jin wasn’t sure whether they would still be close after he found out

about his hopeless love for his little brother…

.

 

 

 

When Jin finally stood to leave, Namjoon walked him to the door.

The air outside was colder now, the city lights bleeding faintly through the glass windows.

 

Jin put on his coat, trying to find the right words to say ,

 

 but before he could, Namjoon spoke first

“Please take care of yourself, Jin-ya,” he said softly, voice quiet but firm

 

Jin froze

 

Namjoon smiled , not his bright one, but the small, knowing one

“And you know,” he added gently, “you can talk to me anytime”

 

 

For a second, Jin couldn’t answer

His chest tightened

He only nodded, smiling faintly

 

“Why are all the Kims so good at reading me?”

he muttered to himself as he turned away.

Then, under his breath ,

“Except the one I want to…”

 

The door clicked softly behind him

 

 

 

 

And Namjoon stood there a moment longer, watching the empty hallway,

 

Thinking how even when his best friend smiled,

 

 

It always sounded like he was apologizing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The house was warm that afternoon,

Sunlight slipping through the curtains in thin gold lines, dust drifting lazily in the air.

 

But Taehyung looked cold

 

He sat curled on the living room couch, legs folded under him, phone in hand,

 

Scrolling

Scrolling

Not really seeing anything

His thumb moved

His eyes didn’t

 

His mother watched him from the hallway for a minute,

hands resting on the tray she’d been carrying.

She could read her son’s mood the way others read weather.

Small tells, small cracks….

He wasn’t crying anymore like before

He wasn’t angry, pacing, slamming doors, snapping at shadows.

He looked… calmer now

 

But not better

 

 

 

The sadness wasn’t sharp anymore…

 

It was quiet…

Heavy….

Like something sitting inside his chest, unmoving.

For the past months she had watched him float through the house like he was underwater.

 

Present, but not really here.,

 

He didn’t draw anymore , that alone told her enough..

Her boy used to fill sketchbooks like he breathed

Now the pencils stayed untouched on his desk

He barely ate unless she insisted

He startled easily

His eyes always seemed to be looking at something far away,

something past the walls of their home.

 

One day, she caught him kissing Minjae goodbye in front of their doorstep.

 

When the older boy dropped him off, she was shocked ,

but then she noticed how Jin wasn’t visiting either, so she connected the pieces.

 

They were still hurting

 

 

She waited for her son to speak,

but he didn’t, and then one night he simply came into their bedroom and said,

“Me and Minjae got back together”

 

Namjoon and her husband were surprised too, but they didn’t say anything.

 

But as days passed, her son was still the same

 

 

 Sometimes , on the harder nights , 

She would wake to the soft sound of footsteps at her door.

Her baby standing there with his pillow, curls messy, lips trembling.

 

The nightmares hadn’t left him

 

She set the tray down gently and walked toward the couch.

 

His shoulders flinched a little when she touched his back, but he didn’t pull away.

That alone made her chest hurt

 

 

She brushed her fingers through his long black curls, slow, soothing strokes.

He leaned slightly into her hand without looking up.

Like a small boy again

 

“Tae-ah…” she said softly, voice barely above a whisper.

He hummed, eyes still locked on whatever blank space his mind was lost in..

 

She slid her hand from his curls down to cup the back of his head.

“Maybe we should go back to her again… hm?”

 

He froze

 

Just a second

Barely noticeable to anyone else

 

But she felt it under her palm

 

He finally looked up , those deep but innocent,

tired eyes meeting hers.

 

God, he looked older

Older than a twenty-one years boy

Older than he should ever look

“Omma…” he murmured, voice rough, faint

 

She gave him a small smile, the kind that said

I know, and I’m here, and I’m not asking you to talk unless you want to.

 

“She helped you a lot before, didn’t she?” she whispered,

 thumb brushing the soft skin under his eye.

“When you were in middle school… high school… when everything felt too loud”

Taehyung swallowed, staring at his phone screen even though it had already gone dark.

 

“She helped you breathe again,…” she reminded him softly

“And you don’t have to go alone. Omma can come with you. Like before…?”

His lips trembled just slightly

 

 

He looked away, blinking too fast , a tiny movement, but to a mother,

it was a scream.

 

“I’m… okay,” he whispered

 

But the way he said it made her chest tighten.

 

He wasn’t okay

He hadn’t been okay for months

She didn’t push

She never pushed

 

Instead, she leaned down, kissed the top of his head,

And rested her forehead briefly against his curls.

 

“You don’t have to be okay alone,” she murmured

 

Taehyung closed his eyes

 

she felt his body soften , a small surrender,

 

like a tired boy leaning into the only safe thing left inside his storm.

 

He is still so young to bear this alone

 

She stroked his hair again, gentle as breathing

 

 

 

One day, she knew he would tell her what hurt him

One day, he would come to her door at night not

because he was running from a nightmare ,

but because he was ready to heal.

 

Until then, she would sit beside him

Quiet and soft

Loving him the way only a mother could.

 

Because she knew something had broken in him on that trip

And she also knew who else it broke.

 

But she said nothing

 

 

Not yet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Kim’s house was warm that night,

Warm lights, warm laughter,

warm congratulations for his album release.and there stand the star of the night : Namjoon ,

soft caramel glittering blazer that add to his natural skin and charms , dimple in full blow ,

greeting and laughing with his guests

 

 

His first album release was a Hit in the market since day one ,

everyone was happy , everyone was proud , everyone know how hard working was Namjoon

 

Taehyung was so proud of his brother following his own way and passion ,

 

his father didn’t stop talking about Namjoon’s hit album since his release ,

he watched him laughing and chatting happily with their friends and Namjoon’s band mates

 

Patting his brother’s back proudly

 

He somehow felt his heart ease at the sight

 

Somehow

People filled every corner, jackets piled on chairs,

 

music humming under the chatter.

 

Taehyung slipped in quietly with Minjae beside him,

shoulders brushing through the crowd.

 

He didn’t feel like talking much, but he tried

Smiled when their guests greeted him,

 

Nodded somehow at Jungkook’s jokes, chatted a bit with Jimin

Even laughed once or twice,

 

He was still adjusting the sleeve of his blouse when the front door opened again

 

Namjoon’s voice carried over everything

 

“Oh Hyung! Hana-ssi! Come in!”

 

Taehyung didn’t turn at first

 

Taehyung had saw this coming , he had practised a lot in his mind before

 

How he would look at him , how he would talk , greet , react

 

Like nothing happened , or like he didn’t know him

 

Like they were strangers 

 

He heard Hana’s soft laugh, Namjoon’s excited greeting,

someone asking if they should take her coat

 

“don’t look right away , be nonchalant , be natural “ he keeps chanting on his mind

 

Then another voice answered.quieter

more deeper,

A little tired

 

 

Him

 

 

 

Taehyung’s head lifted before he even realized,

 

But no practise was enough to prepare his eyes for that sight

 

The man stepped inside slowly, blinking at the noise,

adjusting the sleeve of a black blazer that fit him almost too well.

 

Too handsome for his own good

 

Not good for Taehyung’s own good

 

His hair was pushed back neatly, forehead exposed,

making him look…

 

 older

 

Somehow

More polished

More distant

 

 

God , how much he had missed that handsome face

Something in Taehyung’s chest tightened

 

 

Jin didn’t see him at first

 

He greeted Namjoon, bowed politely to a few guests,

 

let Hana nudge his arm gently as she whispered something to him.

 

She looked beautiful too,red dress, soft black curls, bright smile.

 

 

They looked… right together

 

Taehyung swallowed hard

 

His fingers curled on his phone

He tried not to stare, but his eyes kept drifting back to that black blazer,

 

that hard but soft jawline, that familiar way he touched his temple when he felt tired.

 

 

Minjae said something beside him, something about the food,

 

and Taehyung nodded automatically.

 

But his eyes…

His eyes were already moving again.

 

Then

He finally noticed

 

Their gazes collided in the middle of the room,quietly,

unexpectedly, like the breath before a storm.

 

Taehyung almost looked away too fast

 

Jin didn’t

 

For a second, he just stared across the room,

chest rising in a slow, controlled inhale.

 

His expression didn’t change, but something in his eyes did

 

A small flicker

 

A small ache

 

Hidden quickly

 

The look burned behind his eyes

Sharp

Unspoken

Like a memory that hurt to touch

 

Minjae shifted beside him again,

reaching for his shoulder like it was natural

 

 

He stiffened, but didn’t move away

 

Jin noticed that too

 

His jaw tightened the slightest bit before he tore his gaze away,

 

letting Hana guide him deeper into the living room

.

 

The room felt different suddenly

 

Like always whenever him was there ,

 

his powerful presence

 

His tender hard arura

 

Stop it

 

The room suddenly felt too warm,

Too crowded

 

Too loud around the edges.

 

Taehyung watched him from the corner of his eye,

 

the polite way he greeted people,

 

the tired half-smile he gave when someone complimented his suit,

 

the way he straightened his posture when Hana leaned closer.

 

He looked good

 

Too good to be real

 

Beautiful, even

 

But there was something brittle there too,

like a man trying too hard to hold himself together.

 

Taehyung’s stomach twisted at the sight

 

 

don’t look at him ,you don’t care anymore , remember ? 

He is not yours anymore

Taehyung keeps chanting on his head

 

He hadn’t seen him in two months, three,  ?  four maybe

 

Taehyung had lost the count of how many nights he had cried for him

He hadn’t seen him ,not since the campsite

Not since the night everything cracked apart

 

He’d told himself he was ready

He’d rehearsed this moment in his head,

how he would act calm, unfazed, grown

 

He wasn’t ready

 

Not when the man’s presence felt like a memory he had avoided and missed at the same time.

 

Not when just one glance made his breath stumble

 

Not when the man looked away too quickly,

as if looking at him hurt more than pretending not to.

 

Across the room, he watched him accepted a glass of wine someone offered him.

His fingers shook faintly around the stem.

 

Hana said something and laughed prettiely

 

He smiled back at her automatically

 

But his eyes drifted only once more,

A short, soft glance from under his long lashes

Taehyung felt it like a pulse under his skin

 

They didn’t greet each other

 

Didn’t walk closer

Didn’t pretend to be okay

 

They stood in the same house for the first time in months,

close enough to see,

too far to reach,

 

both pretending not to ache

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He shouldn’t have come

 

 

That was the only thing Jin could think as he stepped deeper into the Kim house,

the noise pressing against the edges of his skull.

 

 Hana was talking beside him, her hand brushing his arm lightly as she admired the decorations,

but he couldn’t focus.

 

He told himself the night would be fine

 

That he could walk into the Kim house, smile politely,

congratulate his best friend on the album, greet the parents and guests,

 

behave

 

Nothing more

 

But the moment he stepped inside, something in his chest tightened like a startled animal

Maybe it was the familiar hallway

Maybe it was the sound of music echoing through the living room

Maybe it was the memory of a boy who he had kissed last summer in the same

 

hallway

 

Or maybe it was because Jin already knew

 

Knew he would see him

 

Knew he wouldn’t be able to behave

 

Knew he wasn’t ready

 

Hana slipped her hand into his arm, warm and light,

dressed beautifully in her red dress.

 

She looked like the kind of woman people called elegant,

perfect for a man like him.

 

He smiled at her and followed her deeper into the crowd

He didn’t look for him

At least… he pretended he didn’t at first,

 

He tried to focus on the guests praising Namjoon, ...

On the table of champagne and wine bottles,

On Mr. Kim waving at him from the kitchen.

 

Then the room shifted,

 

Some soft ripple of attention.

Some faint hush

He felt watched

Not by the crowd

By something else. Someone else

 

Jin felt it before he saw it

 

Felt something tug at the air , at him.

 

He turned despite himself

 

And the breath he pulled in… didn’t go anywhere

 

Taehyung stood near the warm lights of the living room,

half-laughing at something Jungkook said, a glass in his hand.

 

 

Blonde

 

Blonde hair, soft waves brushing his jaw, shorter than before,

 

shimmering under the lights like he had dipped his curls in sunlight.

 

 

His glittery golden silk blouse and pants made his skin glow,

 

When the golden pretty boy turned slightly, the silk shirt slid even lower ,

designed in a way that it dipped down almost halfway across his upper back,

exposing that delicate neck and soft, golden skin.

 

 

And to Jin’s own misery that day, the boy was wearing a long matching necklace

 

He wore it backward so the pendant would rest at his back instead.

The soft fabric slid against his body with every small movement.

 

 

God

 

He looked expensive

Dangerous

 

Young

 

Beautiful in a way that made Jin feel something break quietly inside him.

 

Again and again

 

Or not so quietly

 

He hadn’t been prepared

Not for this version of him

Not for this closeness to the boy he had spent months trying to tear out of himself.

 

He feels his jaw tightened

 

Hana touched his sleeve lightly

 

pulling him into conversation. He nodded, responded, smiled politely. A well-practiced performance.

 

But his eyes…

 

God, his eyes kept drifting

 

Just for a second

Then another

Then again

 

 

 

Taehyung hadn’t noticed him at first , 

 

too caught in the movement of people around him, too busy being… himself.

 

All warm light and nervous charm, all soft glances and quiet laughter.

 

Then Minjae walked behind him

 

His hand slid over Taehyung’s  almost naked back slowly

before rest on that small waist, whispering softly in his ears.

 

Casual,

Familiar

Too natural

 

Oh, yeah, he had seen that post two months ago,

when he was hopelessly lurking on the boy’s Instagram account as usual.

 

He remembered that night, how his heart broke all over again,

how much he drank until he passed out, how much he cried, then threw up the next morning.

 

The post was simple: “We again”

 

No shot of that boyish, handsome face,

only interlocked hands wearing matching rings.

 

It had been posted by Minjae himself

 

 Taehyung’s account was tagged

 

And Jin had wished, somehow, that they’d posted their faces.

 

He selfishly wanted to see the younger boy’s face,

 

to know whether he was happy being with someone else or not.

 

There was still a small part of him that wished he wasn’t.

 

He was still holding onto his hopeless, unrequited love

 

 

Jin looked away sharply,

the inside of his chest twisting so fast it made him inhale like he’d been punched

 

He reached for a glass of champagne without thinking

Drank half

 

Then another

 

He moved to the side of the room,

far enough to pretend he was simply observing the party…

 

but close enough to see every time Minjae leaned in too close.

 

He didn’t realize Taehyung had finally seen him until their eyes collided across the crowd.

 

It wasn’t soft

 

It wasn’t angry either

 

It was one of those stares that hits too deep,

 

the kind that presses into old wounds and new ones all at the same time.

 

 

He froze

 

God those eyes

 

 

Taehyung froze too

 

The room didn’t

 

But it felt like it did

 

 

Taehyung’s breath stuttered visibly ,

 just a tiny lift of his chest,

 

a soft widening of his eyes , 

before he looked down, lashes trembling.

 

 

His fingers, decorated in golden rings, touched his ear

 

A shy tuck of blonde strands behind it, unconsciously like he wasn’t aware he was doing that

Like he didn’t know what to do with his own nervousness.

 

His ears turned red

 

Jin felt the urge to look away

 

But he didn’t.

 

He took a slow, burning sip instead

Hoping it would numb something.

 

It didn’t

 

Minjae said something into Taehyung’s ear again

 

Taehyung nodded too quickly, still not looking anywhere near him.

 

Still touching that same ear

 

Still blinking like he was trying to steady himself.

 

Jin knew that look

 

He knew it too well

 

And it made him drink again

 

 

 

 

 

He stayed in that corner most of the night , 

 

too far to be caught staring,

 

too close to escape his own jealousy.

 

Watching, pretending he wasn’t watching.

 

Every time Taehyung laughed, his chest tightened.

 

Every time Minjae’s hand touched Taehyung’s back, his fists curled.

 

Hana talking to Namjoon now

People started to toasted the album.

Their laughter rose 

Music played

And Jin…

just stood there

Glass in hand

Breath uneven

Fighting a heart that refused to listen to him

Fighting longing so deep it made his bones ache

 

The worst part?

 

Taehyung kept glancing at him too

 

Quick, nervous, breaking away fast , like each look hurt him as much as it hurt him

 

Their eyes collided one more time

 

A long one this time

 

A stare full of everything they couldn’t say and everything they tried to bury

 

Jin swallowed hard, throat tight

 

He forced himself to look away first

 

It didn’t matter

 

The damage was already done

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The music was low, the lights warm , 

golden reflections dancing across the glass walls of the Kim’s backyard now.

 

Guests  laughed softly, clinking their glasses, and Namjoon’s album played quietly from the speakers, 

his voice wrapping around the night like velvet.

 

But in somewhere else the night  stretched on like it didn’t know mercy

 

Jin stayed close to the drink bar, his back straight, his smile sharp enough to pass as sober.

 

But he wasn’t

 

Not really

 

He could feel it , the familiar dull blur under his skin,

the way his heart pulsed in strange places every time laughter floated from the other side of the yard.

 

Taehyung’s laughter

 

He hated that he still knew it by sound alone

He hated that he could tell when it was real… and when it wasn’t.

He kept drinking anyway

Champagne first

Then whiskey.then  wine

Then something he didn’t recognize , sweet and burning at the same time.

It helped, a little.

Until it didn’t

 

 

 

Until he looked again and saw Minjae’s arm slip easily again and again around Taehyung’s waist,

guiding him through the crowd.

He saw the way Taehyung’s head tilted slightly toward him when he laughed.

The way his golden silk blouse shimmered when he moved.

 

He looked happy

 

He’s not doing very well either, Jin-ah

 

Well, he is obviously doing very well emonim -  He wanted to tell her

 

Or maybe just pretending better than Jin ever could.

Jin’s jaw ached from holding back everything he wanted to say

Everything he wanted to scream

He took another drink instead

 

And another

 

At some point, Hana came beside him, her voice soft, hand brushing his shoulder.

“Jini , maybe slow down?”

 

He laughed instead, too light, too practiced

“I’m fine,” he said, the words tripping over a cracked breath.

 

She smiled faintly, that kind of smile when she was judging him internally

She didn’t know what fine meant for him anymore.

 

And he finds himself didn’t care anymore

 

 

 

He leaned against the counter, eyes unfocused,

letting her fingers steady him when he swayed slightly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He couldn’t help but keep watching them the whole night again and again

 

Watching  her hand resting lightly on Jin’s arm as she laughed at something he said,

 

Her red dress  , bold, soft against the black of his suit.

They looked… so perfect together

 

 

She is my girlfriend

Beautiful, almost cruelly so

Something in him twisted hard

He didn’t know if it was jealousy or grief

Maybe both

 

He had heard from his father and Namjoon before that the man was doing very well now,

business flourishing, getting a lot of clients, changing his car…

 

That he had been busy with work, so he didn’t visit anymore

 

Busy getting rich

And maybe he would get married soon

 

They would make a perfect couple

A husband and a wife

Man and woman

 

Taehyung drank again so he could stop that growing ache

Minjae was talking beside him. something about the music,

Or Namjoon’s album, or maybe about how good the food was , but Taehyung couldn’t hear him.

The sound around him blurred, fading to a hum.

All he could see was Him

The way he smiled politely when people greeted him

The way he tilted his glass, pretending he wasn’t already halfway drunk

The way Hana touched his sleeve gently when he wobbled a little too much.

He hated it

Something ugly twisted in his chest

Jealousy

Fear

Longing

He hated all of it

He hated the way Jin’s drunken smile still made his heart stumble.

He hated that after everything , after all the distance, the anger, the silence , one look could still undo him.

He reached for his drink and downed it all

The liquid burned down his throat

He welcomed it

Minjae’s hand found his shoulder again

Taehyung didn’t flinch away this time

He leaned into it instead, pressing closer, chasing warmth that wasn’t the one he wanted.

If he closed his eyes, maybe he could pretend it was him

Maybe he could forget for a little

But he didn’t close them

He couldn’t

 

He looked down at his drink , half gone already, the ice clinking against the glass.

He wasn’t even sure what it was

He didn’t care

It just made everything blur a little more, and maybe that was better.

But when he looked up again, Jin’s gaze was already on him.

Just for a second

A single, sharp heartbeat of a second.

Their eyes locked across the crowd.

 

 

Again

 

 

The man expression didn’t change , or maybe it did, too quickly for anyone else to notice.

But Taehyung saw it

The way his breath caught

The faint tremble in his jaw

The quiet ache hiding behind that calm

The air between them felt heavier after that

Like the whole room noticed but didn’t dare to look

 

Jin looked away first.

Of course he did

 

 

Taehyung laughed under his breath , bitter, broken , before lifting the glass again.

His hand shook slightly, but he forced the liquor down anyway

He then exhaled shakily, setting his drink down, fingers brushing over his thigh, restless.

He hated how his body still reacted, how one look could undo everything he tried to build these past months.

 

 

If the man could pretend, so could he,

If he could smile beside someone else, so could he

If Jin could bare seeing him with someone else ,so could he

 

He turned to Minjae,

smiled weakly at something he didn’t hear, let the older man put a hand on his back, hold him

It felt wrong

Too warm

Too close

He didn’t move away though

He didn’t want to look like the one still hurting.

 

But he was

 

God, he was

 

 

 

 

Because no matter how much he told himself to forget ,

his heart still remembered how he’s voice sounded when he said his name.

 

 he looked back again 

This time the man was drinking

 

And not just one glass,

 

Another

 

Then another

 

heavy drinking

 

Taehyung’s chest tightened

 

He could see Hana’s worried glance,

her hand resting gently on Jin’s chest and arm as she tried to steady him,

whispering something close to his ear.

 

Jin laughed softly, tipping his head toward her, that same smile , 

tired but beautiful ,curving on his lips.

 

Something inside Taehyung cracked loudly this time.

It was small, maybe invisible, but it was there.

That sharp ache you can’t show anyone.

 

He drank too

Faster than he should.

The alcohol felt warm, but it didn’t help.

 

He hated how easily that woman could touch him, steady him, whisper near his neck.

 

He hated that it wasn’t him

 

He hated that he still cared

 

He turned his face away, jaw tight, shoulders stiff, trying to breathe evenly.

 

 

Minjae came closer, his hand brushing his back again , soft, worried , but it only made

Taehyung feel smaller.

 

“Are you okay baby?”

He nodded, forcing a smile that hurt his lips.

 

He wasn’t okay

 

He hadn’t been for months

 

 

He lifted his gaze again , couldn’t help it. 

 

Because he was still there , standing by the bar,

 

laughing too loud now, his head thrown back, the dark hair at his nape damp with sweat, his eyes glassy.

 

almost stumbling, one hand waving Namjoon away when the older tried to guide him inside.

 

He was drunk

 

Completely wasted

 

He watched Namjoon approached, frowning

“Hyung, maybe go inside for a bit, yeah?”

Jin waved him off with that same crooked grin that used to melt Taehyung every time.

“I’m celebrating your success, Joon-ah, don’t ruin it,” he slurred, voice a mix of charm and ache.

 

Hana tried again, gentler this time

“Oppa, let’s sit down”

 

He stumbled slightly

Almost fell

 

Taehyung felt his body jolt forward subconsciously ,

like he wants to reach for him

 

But he stopped himself at the last moment

He watched how, Hana caught him around the waist , 

 

she tried to help, steadying him again. The man’s hand fell clumsily around her waist.

those same veiny hands Taehyung knew too well wrapping around her instead.

 

That sight , that one, stupid sight , burned

 

God it burned his whole body

That something inside him cracked open, raw and pulsing

He looked away fast, blinking hard, swallowing the lump in his throat

 

He wanted to go to him

 

He wanted to , god, he wanted to , shake him, yell at him, hold him.

 

To pull that hand away, to shout, to ask him why he was doing this , to both of them.

 

Why he left

 

Let’s end whatever is this

 

 

Why he accept to end it 

Why he never came back

 

Why he was still with her

Why he still looked at him like that if he was holding someone else now.

 

But he didn’t move

 

He stayed where he was, heart thrumming too fast, jaw clenched tight enough to hurt.

 

He just kept drinking, like him , like they were both trying to drown the same ache in different glasses.

 

 

 

And across the yard , between the crowd, between the noise,

between everyone they were supposed to love , their eyes met again.

 

Unsteady

Drunk

Desperate

Taehyung’s hand tightened around his glass.

 

Watching from afar like he didn’t care

Pretending the ache in his chest was just the alcohol

He laughed when Minjae said something funny, but it came out wrong , too dry, too forced.

 

He was feeling angry again , burning , aching

He wanted the night to end

He wanted it to never end

 

He wanted him to stop drinking.

He wanted him to look his way again

He wanted to stop wanting any of that

 

And when their eyes met one last time ,

 

 across the noise, across the lights, across everything between them

 

It felt like a wound reopening.

The noise, the people, the music ,gone

Only him

And for a second, it was only them again

 

The same stare, the same pull, the same ache

 

Only this time, they weren’t standing under snow or firelight

They were surrounded by people

Other people

By noise

By distance

 

And both of them looked like they’d been holding their breath since the night they broke.

He had promised himself that he will not look at that direction again

 

But then the sound reached him before his eyes did

 

A burst of noise , laughter, cheers, the kind of teasing ooohs that always meant something had just happened.

Then Jimin gasped softly beside him, Jungkook cursed and Minjae’s voice stuttered

“Wait… is he—?”

 

And that’s when Taehyung looked

 

For a moment, everything just… stopped

The lights, the sound, the air in his lungs

He saw it

Saw the man’s hand on her waist, saw her head tilt back slightly, saw their lips pressed together.

Not a mistake

Not a soft, drunken peck

But a real kiss

Long

Messy

Too passionate for a man who kiss men now, who had kissed him before

 

The world blurred around him

He could hear people laughing, clapping, teasing

“Wooow!”

“About time, Mr. Kim!”

“Get it, Hana!”

 

Their voices echoed faintly in his ears, but he couldn’t make out words anymore.

 

All he could see was him , the man who once looked at him like the world began and ended in his eyes

 

now kissing someone else under the same lights that reflected in his own tears.

 

Something in his chest snapped quietly or not

Not like glass , louder

Like thunder under skin

 

His fingers trembled around the glass until it slipped from his hand,

shattering softly on the ground near his feet.

He didn’t even flinch

Didn’t move

Just stood there, staring

He didn’t feel the sting of the broken pieces brushing his shoe

He didn’t feel anything

 

Only that sharp, deep ache spreading through his ribs ,

the kind that takes your breath before you even realize you’re crying.

 

He blinked hard, but the tears still burned at the corner of his eyes

 

He felt Jimin’s soft touch at his sleeve   “Tae..”

 

“Taehyung-ah—” Minjae’s voice reached him, soft and startled.

 

But Taehyung didn’t let him finish

 

He turned fast, chest heaving, eyes burning

he couldn’t watch anymore

He couldn’t stand there another second pretending he was fine

 while the man he loved  kissed someone else like that

 

Loved ?

 

Love 

 

 

 

God

 

He shoved past the crowd, ignoring the calls, the hands reaching out, the confused looks.

He didn’t even grab his coat , just walked, fast, almost running

 

The night air hit his face like ice, but it wasn’t enough to cool the fire inside him

 

His heart was pounding so loud it drowned everything else

 

He could still see it , that kiss , replaying in his mind like punishment.

 

Her hands on his chest

His lips against hers

The way he leaned in, like it meant something.

 

He hated him

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He found him halfway up the stairs, shoulders stiff, hands shaking

 

“Taehyung-ah...”

 

The younger didn’t stop. Didn’t even look at him.

Just kept moving, quick steps echoing down the hallway,

 

curls falling over his eyes like he didn’t want anyone to see him.

 

Minjae’s chest tightened

He had never seen him like this , not even when they broke up the first time.

That Taehyung had been nutural

But this one… this one was angry, loud, but quite

 

And that was worse

 

“Taehyung-ah, please, talk to me,” he tried again, reaching out.

 

 

He didn’t expect Taehyung’s hand to grab his

 

Didn’t expect the way his fingers clenched hard,

pulling him , not gently, not playfully, but like he needed to hold onto something before he broke completely.

 

“Taehyung-ah, what are you—”

His grip was strong, desperate

He dragged Minjae down the narrow hallway, lights still off,

only the faint moonlight from the window catching their shadows on the floor.

 

 

And before Minjae could ask again what was happening,

 

Taehyung stopped

 

He turned so suddenly that Minjae almost collided into him.

And then

 

The air left his lungs

Because the younger boy was kissing him.

Not a soft kiss

Not gentle

But hard

Fierce

Like he was trying to bury something deeper , grief, anger, longing , anything that hurt.

 

His hand fisted in Minjae’s shirt, dragging him closer, trembling.

The kiss tasted like alcohol and salt, like tears that hadn’t fallen yet.

It wasn’t careful; it was messy, broken

 

Minjae froze for a second , too shocked to move, too stunned to understand.

 

This kiss was their first real kiss after they got together

A part from casual pecks ,the younger never kiss him again

 

Never kiss him like this

He wanted to stop him, to ask why, but the sound that escaped Taehyung’s throat ,

 that small, broken whimper , made his heart twist.

 

So he didn’t

Not right away

 

He let the kiss happen , just for a breath ,

let Taehyung pour out whatever pain he was trying to drown in him.

When the younger finally pulled back,

breathing hard, his eyes glistened in the dark.

 

He looked lost

 

More younger

Completely, painfully lost

 

“Taehyung…” Minjae whispered, voice soft

 

The boy didn’t meet his eyes

He just stood there, chest rising and falling fast, lips still trembling from the kiss

 

“I can’t…” Taehyung whispered finally, voice cracking

“I can’t stop it, hyung”

 

Minjae’s heart clenched

He didn’t have to ask what “it” was.

He knew

It wasn’t about him

It had never been about him

 

“you love him right ?”

 

 

He didn’t need to say his name

 

They both knew already

 

 

Taehyung looked up shocked , unfocused ,

shaky teary eyes looking between his, nervous , terrified…  

 

Like he was looking for that truth himself

 

 

his shoulders shook once, and before Minjae could reach out again,

the younger turned away, pressing his palms to his face.

 

Sobbing silently

The silence between them felt heavy, almost cruel

 

Minjae took a slow breath, forcing his voice to stay calm

 

 

“Taehyung-ah… don’t do this to yourself”

 

No answer

Only that quiet, shaky sound of someone trying not to cry .

He stepped closer, gently resting his hand on the boy’s shoulder

 

“Whatever he did… don’t punish yourself for it”

But Taehyung didn’t move

Didn’t speak

 

 

He just whispered again, softer this time , like a confession he couldn’t swallow back,

“Hyung.. I ..”

 

“Good night Taehyung-ah , take some rest you need it “

he tapped his shaking shoulder one more time before he left

 

And he knew then ,

Nothing he said tonight could fix that kind of ache inside the younger

 

Inside himself too

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He didn’t remember how the kiss ended

 

Only the noise that came after it , laughter, teasing, Hana’s hand trying to steady him,

 

Namjoon’s worried voice calling his name somewhere in the blur.

 

Everything else was a mess of lights and sound and the dull ringing in his head

 

“Jin-hyung, you should rest..” Namjoon’s hand came to his arm

“I’m fine,” he muttered. Too fast. Too sharp

He wasn’t fine

 

Hana looked up at him, confused, a small frown between her brows

“Jinnie, wait…”

 

“I’ll walk,” he said, already stepping away    “I need air”

 

He didn’t even know if she answered

He didn’t wait to find out

 

The night air hit him cold, sharp , too clean after all that noise

He walked fast, unsteady, the world tilting slightly under his feet

He didn’t know where he was going

His mind was louder than the city

 

He could still see it , the look on Taehyung’s face right before he left.

The way the boy’s eyes had gone still, his lips parted slightly,

like something inside him broke in silence.

 

 

He had seen it

Of course he had

 

Jin had made sure of it

 

He had done it knowing Taehyung would look

Knowing the crowd would cheer

 

I want you .. completely

Knowing it would hurt

 

God, he hated himself for it

 

He shoved his hands into his pockets, walking faster

 

 

The pavement blurred under his feet

 

He didn’t mean to kiss Her

Not like that

 

She didn’t deserve that

Taehyung didn’t either

 

No one did

 

But the moment he saw him standing across the garden, in that golden silk suit that

 

shimmered under the soft lights, hair blond now, shorter curls brushing against his

cheek , something inside him had stopped working.

 

He couldn’t breathe

Couldn’t think

He had told himself he was ready for this ,

to see him again, to act normal, to be civil.

 

But then Taehyung had smiled at someone else

 

Not him

 

At Minjae

 

And that was it

That was all it took for every piece of self-control he’d built these past months to fall apart.

 

He had watched the boy laugh softly, eyes glimmering,

that hand resting lightly at his waist m that waist Jin had held once,

 

trembling ,  and it felt like the ground was disappearing under his feet. 

 

So he kissed Her

 

Because he couldn’t kiss the person he wanted to

 

Because he needed to do something , anything ,

 to quiet the ache that wouldn’t leave.

And maybe, maybe, to hurt him back

To see if he’d react

To see if he still cared

 

Did he?

 

Was he okay with him touching someone else now?

Kissing someone else?

Did it even matter anymore?

 

 

Was this how it felt for Taehyung , 

 

watching Jin walk away that night and never look back?

 

He wanted to believe he didn’t care

But the way Taehyung’s eyes had looked when their gazes met , 

even from across the crowd ,

 

The way his jaw had tightened before he turned and left ,

 

Jin knew

 

He cared

And still, Jin had done it

 

Because he didn’t know how else to survive that kind of longing anymore

 

He stumbled slightly when he reached the corner, gripping the cold railing to steady himself.

His breath came out shaky, half laugh, half sob.

 

“You’re an idiot,” he muttered under his breath, voice rough

 

He rubbed his face with both hands, trying to breathe past the burn in his chest.

 

The air hurt to inhale

 

The image of Taehyung in gold replaying again and again.

 

That smile

Those eyes

That look when he turned away

 

Jin pressed his hand over his chest, like he could force it all back down,

 

but the ache just kept rising, climbing up his throat until he couldn’t swallow anymore.

 

So he whispered, voice slurred barely audible ,silent tears running down his face

 

“Were you okay with it, Taehyung-ah?”

 

He closed his eyes

 

“Or did I just ruin you again?”

 

And the only answer that came was the echo of his own voice in the empty street.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He had been standing outside the apartment for almost two hours now.

The hallway was quiet except for the low hum of the city beyond the window.

 

He looked down at the flowers in his hand , slightly wilted now , and the bottle of

wine tucked under his arm.

He should probably just leave them at the door and go

But something in him refused to move

 

He had begged his colleague in HR to give him his address

 

The lights inside were still off

The window dark

No sign of life

 

Maybe he wasn’t home

Maybe he was ignoring him

Maybe he deserved that

 

Yeonjun exhaled quietly and ran a hand through his carefully styled hair

 

He had been stupid that night

Drunk

Confused

 

 

 

He just wanted to thank him , to tell him how grateful he was when he had stepped in at the party,

calmly and firmly shutting down that senior’s harsh tone.

No one ever defended him like that before.

And the way Jin spoke , steady, respectful,

with that quiet authority ,it had done something to him.

 

But he had read it wrong

Too wrong

 

Affected with his crush on the much older handsome man

And when the alcohol mixed with that brief warmth, his thoughts blurred, and before

he could stop himself, he had kissed him.

The image haunted him since

The shock in Jin’s eyes

The way the man froze , not pushing him, but not responding either

Yeonjun wanted to disappear that night

 

He had texted the next day , 

“I’m sorry, Sunbanim. I crossed the line. Please forgive me”

But there was no reply

 

And still, he came tonight , clutching the wine like it was an excuse to see him again,

to say sorry properly.

He checked his watch again

Almost midnight

 

“Maybe he’s not coming back,” he murmured, half to himself

He was about to leave when he heard footsteps echoing down the hallway

Slow, uneven ones.

Yeonjun turned, eyes widening

The man was there , walking toward his apartment door,

suit jacket slung over one shoulder, tie loose, shirt half untucked.

He looked nothing like the polished attorney everyone at the office admired

He looked… too raw

And broken

 

 

 

 

“Mr. Kim....” Yeonjun stepped forward, voice soft, cautious

 

Jin stopped mid-step, blinking at him

His eyes were glassy, red-rimmed

He swayed slightly before his lips parted

 

“Yeonjun?”

His voice slurred faintly

 

Before Yeonjun could answer, Jin stumbled forward ,

 his weight suddenly collapsing against him

 

“Ah... sir.... careful!” Yeonjun gasped, arms instinctively catching him

He could smell the liquor immediately , heavy, sharp, drowning everything else

The man’s head fell against his shoulder, breath warm, unsteady

“Mr. Kim… you’re drunk,” Yeonjun whispered, half panicked, half worried

 

No response , just a quiet hum, like he was miles away

 

Yeonjun tightened his hold and awkwardly dragged him inside..,

He tried to pat his pocket for his keys, and luckily he found them easily in the front one,

one arm wrapped around the drunk man’s waist, the other fumbling for the light switch.

The room lit dimly , warm tones, spotless, faint scent of soap and pinewood.

Everything looked painfully organized, except the man in his arms.

 

He guided him to the couch carefully

Jin’s body was heavy, limp, but when Yeonjun leaned forward to settle him down,

their faces suddenly came too close.

 

Too close

 

Yeonjun froze , his breath caught between them

He could see the man’s features clearly now ,

his long lashes, his flushed cheeks, his lips , 

red and slightly swollen, parted just enough for a shallow breath.

 

Something flickered inside him

 

A flutter he didn’t want

 

Didn’t understand

 

“Sir…” he whispered, trying to steady him again

But Jin’s eyes fluttered open , hazy, unfocused

They met his

 

For a heartbeat, no one moved

No one breathed

 

Then, before Yeonjun could step back, Jin leaned forward

 

It was soft , barely a brush of lips

But then he it deepened suddenly , clumsy, desperate,

 

full of something that felt too much like pain, fierce .. anger

Yeonjun froze, eyes wide open in shock

He should’ve pulled away

He knew he should

But his heart was pounding too fast,

too loud, his hands gripping the couch as the man kissed him again,

 

harder this time ,garbing his neck so he can’t move away

 

 

 his breath mixing with the faint taste of wine and smoke

It wasn’t a kiss meant for him 

He just knew that, ...felt that

Every second of it screamed someone else’s name

But Yeonjun closed his eyes anyway , heart beating fast

 

But then he heard it.

 

A whisper , broken, muffled against his lips

“I missed you…” Jin breathed out softly, trembling

Yeonjun’s stomach twisted

 

“Sunbae ,..I” He opened his mouth to say something,

 

but Jin’s next words froze him in place

 

“Why did you leave me, .....Taehyung-ah?”

 

The world stilled

Completely

 

 

Yeonjun’s eyes widened

He pulled back slightly, breath shaky,

heart sinking as he finally saw the truth painted all over the man’s face

The tears gathering in his lashes,

the pain in his slurred words,

the name he said like a prayer

 

Taehyung

 

 

Not him

Never him

Of-course...

 

Jin’s hand fell weakly against his arm before his eyes finally closed,

head dropping back onto the couch , 

 

Passed out completely now

 

Yeonjun sat there frozen for a long time,

the weight of that name echoing in the quiet apartment.

 

He didn’t move

 

 

Who is that Taehyung ?

 

 

That lucky Taehyung .....

 

 

But Yeonjun didn’t speak those words

 

He Only whispered softly, voice cracking,

 

 

 

 

 

“…you’re still his, aren’t you?”

 

Notes:

😭💔

I cried while writing this chapter… I hope you weren’t crying while reading it 🥹

Love can be complicated sometimes,

It isn’t smooth all the time…

The queen “Love Me Again ✨” , its concept and lyrics were the main inspiration for this story.

As the story reaches its climax now, please hold tight…

And trust their love 💜

I hope you enjoyed this one too.

Please write me more 💌💞 , I feel so happy every time I read your thoughts.

See you next chapter 🌿

Chapter 30: Girlfriend

Summary:

Her voice trembled, small and scared

 

“Who is she?”

 

He closed his eyes, inhaled shakily

And for the first time…

He had no answer...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I missed you…”

 

“Why did you leave me, Taehyung-ah…?”

 

 

 

Then a kiss

 

A last kiss

 

 

He jolted awake to light he didn’t remember leaving on

 

A thin slice of morning sun cut across his living room floor,

too bright, too sharp for how his skull throbbed.

For a moment he didn’t move

Didn’t even breathe

His body felt wrong, heavy, stiff, like he’d slept in the wrong shape.

 

Then he realized he had

 

He was on his couch

 

Still in last night’s shirt

 

Tie loose

Buttons half undone

A coat- not his - draped over his shoulders.

 

His throat tightened before the headache could.

 

What…?

 

He closed his eyes again, and the dream came back in pieces,

Taehyung’s voice, wet and breaking, whispering:

 

“Let’s end whatever this is”

“No—wait. Taehyung-ah, please—”

 

He had been reaching for him.

In the dream, like he always was.

 

And even now- awake- his lips still tingled like he had kissed him.

Like he had held his face again, felt the heat of his breath again, felt him slipping away again.

 

He dragged a hand over his face with a shaky exhale.

 

“God… Taehyung…”

 

The name left him without permission.

 

He pushed himself upright slowly, head pounding,

stomach turning, the room spinning in a lazy cruel circle.

 

He remembered he was at Namjoon album release party ,… drinking.

 

He remembered too much drinking

 

Champagne,

 

Whiskey, then

 

Wine 

Something sweet someone handed him.

 

He remembered… watching him.

Taehyung in gold

Him laughing beside Minjae

Him not looking at him

 

And Jin,

 

He had been so jealous he thought he would suffocate.

Then,

 

His breath caught.

The kiss,that stupid kiss.

Not the dream,, the one he actually did.

But not  with Taehyung

 

God , his head was throbbing too bad

He dragged a hand over his face, trying to shake the dream off,

but Taehyung’s lips still lingered there,warm, soft, too real.

 

He sat there breathing hard for a long minute.

 

Then he saw it

 

On his low coffee table.there were,

Flowers, wilting slightly

An expensive wine bottle placed neatly beside them.

A small note tucked underneath.

 

His stomach dropped before he even picked it up.

 

Sabanim,

thank you for everything.
Please take care of yourself.

—Yeonjun

 

 

Yeonjun?

Jin blinked.

Once

Twice

Then everything snapped together at once in a sickening rush.

The hallway

A familiar voice calling his name

His body collapsing into someone’s arms

Warm hands dragging him inside

His  couch. A face too close.

Lips,

Again not Taehyung’s lips ,

“Oh god…”

He pushed a hand over his mouth, horror flooding him faster than his hangover.

“What did I do?”

He could still taste it.

Not the kiss,no,

The mistake,

The pain

 

 

The name he whispered that wasn’t meant for the person he kissed.

A cold shiver crawled up his spine as the memory hit him,

 

“I missed you…”

“Why did you leave me, Taehyung-ah…?”

 

He shut his eyes tight, a shaky breath breaking out of him.

 

He hadn’t even known his own voice could sound that broken.

 

Not until he heard it come out of someone else’s dream.

 

And he had said it to the wrong person.

 

To someone who didn’t deserve that weight.

Didn’t deserve to hold the ache he had been drowning in for months.

 

He dropped the note.

 

Buried his face into both hands.

 

“Taehyung-ah… what am I doing…” he whispered, more to himself than the empty room.

 

His heart felt too full and too empty at the same time.

 

He couldn’t remember coming home

He couldn’t remember the walk

He couldn’t remember anything except,

Taehyung turning away,him pressing closer to Minjae

him leaving without looking back

 

And him kissing someone,

someone else,

just to feel something besides the ache.

But the ache was still here.

 

Worse now

 

He inhaled shakily, staring at the floor as sunlight poured over his bare feet.

The coat slipped slightly off his shoulder.

 

Yeonjun’s coat

 

 

He swallowed.

“Oh god… I need to fix this”

 

But before he could, the truth settled heavy on his chest,

 

He wasn’t even sure where to start.

Because everything in him was still tangled around one person.

 

Still breaking for one person

 

Still whispering one name

 

Taehyung

 

Always him

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The moment the door unlocked, she already knew something was wrong.

Jin always opened the door with a smile , even on bad days,

even when he was exhausted. He always straightened his shirt,

pushed a hand through his hair, made some polite joke as if he couldn’t help it.

 

But today…

 

Today he opened the door like he’d forgotten how to be himself

His white shirt was wrinkled, one side untucked. His hair stuck up in odd directions,

clearly slept-on. His eyes were swollen, red around the edges, dark underneath like he hadn’t slept for days.

 

And worst ,he didn’t even react to seeing her

 

Not a smile, not a soft “Hana?”

 

Nothing

 

Just… blank

 

A kind of emptiness she had never seen on him before

 

“Oppa?” she whispered, her voice catching a little as she stepped inside

 

He turned away without answering, moving toward the kitchen like he was sleepwalking.

 

The living room was a mess , mugs everywhere, Coffee cups cluttered the table.

His tie was on the floor. His coat half-draped over an armrest like he didn’t even care where it landed.

 

 

The curtains were still open from the night before,

 

sunlight pouring in too harshly on his slumped figure.

 

He tried to pour more coffee, but his hand shook slightly.

 

Stepping inside, closing the door behind her.

 

He didn’t even closed the door

 

“Are you… okay?” Hana asked gently

 

He hummed, a low sound, nothing more. Not even a word.

 

Her heart sank

 

She have been feel it for months now , that dread.. fear

 

This wasn’t just a hangover. She knew hangovers. She had nursed him through one once before ，

 messy, dramatic, but still very much Jin.

 

But this?

 

This looked like something broke

Specially after his last night acts , and that sudden kiss

 

He sat at the counter with his coffee and stared at it,

expression empty, as if even holding the cup took effort.

 

“Jin-ah,” she tried again, forcing a soft smile,

 “you disappeared last night. I was worried.....”

 

“I walked home,” he murmured, voice rough

 “I needed air”

 

Needed air

or needed space

 

Needed distance....

 

The words stung more than they should

She stepped closer,

reaching gently for his arm the way she always did , the way he usually leaned into.

 

But today, he flinched

Barely

A tiny recoil . But she felt it.

Slowly, she withdrew her hand.

 

Her throat tightened.

She didn’t want to ask the question bubbling inside her for months now  , 

didn’t want to hear the answer , but the silence between them was loud.

 

Louder than his hangover. Louder than the mess. Louder than the alcohol on his breath.

 

He moved from the counter slowly , dragging his body like he was a dead man , 

sitting on the edge of the couch instead , passing his hand over his ruined hair  ,

His eyes were swollen, not just hangover-swollen , empty. Completely empty.

 

 

“Jinnie…” she tried quietly gain,

 

He didn’t look at her

 

Didn’t even lift his head

 

Just stared at the floor like he was trying to remember how to breathe.

 

“You didn’t answer my calls,” she said slowly,

setting her purse down. “Or my messages. I was worried”

 

A beat of silence

 

He only rubbed his face once, a slow drag of fingers through his hair, and exhaled.

No apology

No smile

No explanation.

Just… nothing.

 

She had never seen him like this

 

Her voice cracked a little. “Jin-ah… what’s happening to us?”

Still no answer

She stepped closer, hands trembling as she reached for his sleeve

 

He flinched again

 

Her breath hitched,

“…Jin,” she whispered, hurt bleeding through her voice,

 

“are you—” she swallowed, “are you seeing someone else?”

 

His head jerked up then, eyes finally meeting hers.

 

Blank at first

 

Then something flickered

Something sharp

 

“Hana—” his voice rasped, strained

 

“Who is she?” Hana demanded suddenly,

 

voice shaking as frustration finally cracked open.

 

“Tell me. Who is she?! Because you don’t look at me anymore.

You don’t touch me anymore. You don’t even show up when we plan something! So who—”

 

“What about you?” Jin snapped

 

The room froze

 

Her breath stilled

His eyes widened slightly, like he didn’t expect the words either.

“What…?” she whispered.

 

“You heard me.” His voice wasn’t loud , it was cracked, exhausted, shaking , but it still hit hard.

 

“What about you, Hana?”

She blinked rapidly. “I don’t understand—”

 

“That,” he hissed, gesturing vaguely toward her

, toward something old, something neither of them ever touched again. “You think I forgot?”

 

Her face paled

“That was a long time ago, Jin-ah…” she whispered, voice trembling.

 

“A misunderstanding, I told you—”

 

“But cheating is cheating, isn’t it?” His voice wavered,

somewhere between anger and heartbreak. “That’s what you said. Your words”

 

Her tears spilled immediately

 

“I never— it wasn’t— Jin, don’t do this—”

 

“You couldn’t even wait for me”

His voice cracked through the air, soft but merciless.

 

“You didn’t wait even a week”

 

She stared at him, stunned. “And… and what about now?” she whispered.

“I stayed, didn’t I? I waited this time. I’m still here”

 

“For what?” Jin laughed under his breath , hollow, shaking.

“For who? For me? For the man you keep pretending I am?”

 

Her lips parted in disbelief

 

“You approached me first,” she said quietly, tears streaming now.

 

“You did, Jin-ah… not me”

His breath faltered

 

Her voice broke completely

 

“I didn’t ask you to love me like before,” she whispered

“I just asked you not to leave me behind like this…”

 

He looked away then , jaw tight, eyes glassy,

hands trembling over his knees like he was holding himself together with his fingertips.

 

Hana wiped her cheek, voice barely audible now.

 

“So… tell me the truth”

Her voice trembled, small and scared

“Who is she?”

 

Jin closed his eyes, inhaled shakily

And for the first time…

He had no answer

 

When she didn’t receive any reply from him for more two minutes ,

 

She turned aroud heading back to the door before whispereing

“you have changed ….”

 

And Jin didn’t answer again

 

She left

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeonjun had barely slept,

Every time he closed his eyes, it replayed…

those swollen lips brushing his,

that broken voice whispering another man’s name,

The way Jin had collapsed against him like all his strength had finally given up.

He knew the kiss wasn’t meant for him.

He knew

 

But knowing didn’t stop the heat that kept rising in his face whenever he remembered the weight of Jin’s body,

the soft exhale against his mouth, the way he whispered

 

Taehyung-ah like a wound

 

So when his phone buzzed that afternoon,

a short, polite message:

“Can we meet?”

 

His heart nearly stopped

 

He read it three times, hands trembling.

By the time he arrived at the small café downtown, palms sweaty,

hair a mess from how many times he’d pushed it back, he almost turned around and fled.

 

But then Jin walked in

 

And Yeonjun forgot how to breathe.

He didn’t look like Attorney Kim Seokjin today,

no crisp suit, no polished shoes, no perfectly combed hair.

 

No Mr.Kim

 

Just a big gray hoodie, sweatpants, the hood pulled low over messy hair.

He looked like someone who’d walked out of his house without even checking the mirror.

Like someone who hadn’t slept., Like someone… hurting.

 

 

 

His eyes were swollen, tired, red around the edges, the kind of red that comes from

drinking too much and feeling too much.

 

And somehow, that only made him look softer, more Younger

 

More beautiful

 

Yeonjun’s heart dropped straight to his stomach

 

“Sun—Mr. Kim,” he stuttered, standing too fast

 

Jin waved a hand weakly

“Sit. Please”

 

His voice was rough, deeper than usual.

 

 

 

The Silence was awkward then ,

Before Yeonjun suggests they order their coffee ,

trying to ease their nervousness

 

Jin nods still looking embarssed

 

Later when they got their order Yeonjun watched Jin removing his  hood ,

Before he reached into his tote bag and pulled something out，

a neatly folded, freshly ironed jacket.

 

Yeonjun felt his breath catch

 

“Yours,” Jin said quietly, eyes lowered

 

“I, uh… washed it. I’m sorry,…. I got sick on you last night”

His ears were red

Painfully red

Yeonjun wanted to laugh,softly, not unkindly

He didn’t

He only accepted the jacket with both hands, bowing slightly.

“It’s okay,” he said, his voice gentle.

“You weren’t… feeling well.”

Jin let out a breath that sounded like a tired apology. 

“Thanks for the flowers and the wine , ..you don’t need…”

 

He hesitated,hands clasped tightly in his lap,before adding,

“And… I also want to apologize for….”

He cleared his throat

“For that ….kiss. I ….Iwasn’t in my right mind” Jin looked away fast looking embaressed

Yeonjun swallowed

 

So he remmber 

 

He knew he should nod or

Say it was forgiven

Say it meant nothing

But the words slipped out before he could stop them, soft as a confession:

“He’s …lucky”

 

Jin’s head jerked up immediately

 

His eyes widened, lips parting, breath hitching like he’d been

caught in the middle of a secret he didn’t know how to hide

“...What?”

 

Yeonjun forced a faint smile, even though it hurt

“Taehyung….. He’s lucky. To be… someone you feel that way about”

Silence

Heavy

Trembling

Full of things neither of them dared to say

The man looked down again, fingers tightening around his cup

His ears turned even redder, spreading down his neck.

He laughed, quiet, embarrassed, almost shy

 

Yeonjun’s chest cracked a little at the sound

 

It was his first time to see him smiling

 

He shouldn’t find it endearing

 

He really shouldn’t

But God… this man,

with messy hair and trembling hands,

was too easy to fall for.

 

 

The silence softened slowly, like melting snow

They began to talk

Not about Taehyung

Not about that night or that kiss

Just… little things

Work, Mr.Choi

Coffee..weather…

The stray cat that lived behind Yeonjun’s apartment.

And Jin wasn’t cold this time

He wasn’t distant or dismissive

He listened

 

He smiled, even if faintly

He relaxed a little, shoulders losing some tension as Yeonjun spoke.

At one point, Jin rubbed the back of his neck shyly and muttered,

 

“Thank you… for coming. I know it must’ve been awkward”

 

Yeonjun shook his head

 

“It’s not awkward,” he lied

 

Jin looked at him then, really looked, eyes softer than the afternoon sun behind the café window

 

Something warm unfurled in Yeonjun’s chest

And before he knew it, his voice fell out again, small and hopeful:

“Can I… call you hyung?”

 

Jin blinked, startled

Then he smiled,

slow, gentle, the second real smile Yeonjun had seen on his face since that night.

“Yeah,” he said softly,

“Yeonjun-ah… you can”

 

Yeonjun nodded, looking down at his hands so Jin wouldn’t

see how hard he was blushing.

 

But inside, his heart whispered a quiet, aching truth:

He knew Jin wasn’t his

 

 

He knew Jin’s heart already belonged to someone else

 

But sitting there across from him,just for this one morning,

he wished he could pretend Jin was just a man in a hoodie, smiling shyly at him.

 

 

Just for a moment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The conversation had finally settled into something warm then

Gentle

Almost comfortable

Yeonjun was still trying to steady his heartbeat after hearing the word hyung fall from his lips

when the phone on the table vibrated sharply.

 

 

The screen lit up

Yeonjun didn’t mean to look, He really didn’t.

 

But the caller ID flashed clearly:

“Abeoji”

 

And for the briefest moment, he saw it

 

Jin’s face tightening,

 

His expression tightened, hardening at the edges before he masked it again.

 

 

He shut his eyes briefly, inhaled like the call physically hurt him, then exhaled.

 

When he opened his eyes, the soft warmth from before had slipped away completely.

 

He looked at Yeonjun apologetically.

 

“Sorry… I think I need to take this,” he said, his voice a little resigned.

“Of course, hy—Sunbae,” Yeonjun stuttered, waving his hand awkwardly.

Jin gave a faint smile and stood, hoodie sleeves brushing past

Yeonjun’s arm as he left the table.

 

Yeonjun’s chest tightened at the brief contact

 

He shouldn’t look

He shouldn’t watch.

But he couldn’t help it

 

Across the café, through the glass divider, he could see him pacing near the exit,

, the older man push his hair back,hard,fingers sliding through messy strands

pushing them back again and again, frustration clear in every movement.

The man shoulders had stiffened suddenly

 

Yeonjun wasn’t trying to eavesdrop

But Jin’s voice rose once,just a little, just enough for Yeonjun to see the tension in his jaw.

 

Saw the way he pressed one palm to the side of his face, jaw tightening, nostrils

flaring the way people do when they’re trying not to raise their voice.

Whoever was on the other end…

They weren’t being gentle.

 

Jin finally stopped pacing, standing still,

And then he sighed, long and tired, leaning against the wall as if the call drained

whatever strength he had left.

 

Yeonjun looked down at his hands, forcing himself to look away.

He shouldn’t be this worried,

He shouldn’t feel this much.

But he did

Then he watched how Jin’s back straight, his eyes closing briefly And then,

just as quickly, he opened them again, gathered himself, and turned back toward the café.

 

Yeonjun sat up straighter immediately.

 

 

A few minutes later, Jin returned to the table, pulling his hood lower as if hiding.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, trying to smile despite the exhaustion on his face.

“I guess… I need to go”

Yeonjun’s heart dropped.

He wanted to ask, When will I see you again?

Or Can I text you?

Or Are you okay?

But the words tangled in his throat.

So instead, he managed a quick, shy, too-fast:

“It’s okay, su— I mean… hyung.”

Jin froze for a breath.

Then he nodded.

 

Then the softest smile touched his lips,the kind that could ruin someone’s life quietly

“Yeah. I’ll… see you, Take care, Yeonjun-ah” he murmured, giving one small bow

before heading toward the door.

Yeonjun-ah

Yeonjun watched him leave,

the oversized hoodie, the tired steps, the way he didn’t even look back.

And when the door closed behind him…

 

Yeonjun finally pressed a hand to his chest.

“Stop it…” he whispered to himself, cheeks burning painfully

 

His heart, of course, did not listen.

 

He glanced at the table,

Jin’s coffee cup barely touched, still warm

The folded jacket Jin had washed and ironed himself.

The seat still holding the faint warmth where the man had sat only moments ago.

 

Yeonjun bit his lip hard

 

“Please… be okay, hyung,” he whispered softly, eyes lingering on the empty chair.

He didn’t know why he cared this much, or why his chest felt tight.

 

He didn’t know how he was supposed to stop hoping for something that wasn’t his.

 

But he knew one thing:

Whatever or whoever had broken Kim Seokjin…

he wished he could meet them.

Just to understand

how anyone could leave a man looking that sad when he walked away.

 

And for the first time, he wondered if  that “Taehyung” knew just how hard this man

was trying to survive him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Abeoji?” he had said, breath shaky.

“Come to the firm. Now !”

That was all. No explanation. No room for questions.

The call ended before Jin could even ask why.

By the time Jin stepped into the lobby,

his hoodie still pulled low over half his face, head pounding from the hangover,

That’s was enough chaos for one day! 

He just want to go home ,and maybe drink again ..hold Yeontan and sleep

 

He could already feel eyes on him.

Whispers. Confusion

 

He’d never stepped into this building like this before.

Not Kim Seokjin , the perfectly pressed suit, the clean hair,

the quiet confidence of the youngest partner-to-be.

Today he looked like he crawled out of bed after a fight with the world.

And lost

The guard hesitated at the security gate.

“Sir… do you—”

Before he could finish, the elevator dinged and Manager Park,

his father’s secretary, rushed out with her tablet pressed to her chest.

 

 

Her heels clicked sharply as she approached.

Her expression stayed polite… but her eyes flickered.

Confusion. Then surprise. Then a very quick attempt to hide the surprise.

“Seokjin-ssi,” she said, bowing slightly.

“CEO Kim is waiting for you in his office”

She didn’t comment on the hoodie, or the sweatpants.

Or the fact that Jin’s eyes were still swollen from crying and drinking.

But she didn’t need to.

He felt her judgment in the careful distance she kept ,

 like he was something fragile, or shameful.

He followed her through the quiet hallway

Every step made his head throb more

Every passing employee slowed in confusion, eyes widening slightly at his appearance.

 

They weren’t used to seeing him like this.

But Jin didn’t have space left in his chest to care.

The moment the secretary opened the office door,

his father’s voice cut through the air like a blade

“Seokjin”

Not Jin-ah, not son.

Just his name

Cold, measured.

Jin stepped inside.

His father didn’t offer a seat.

Didn’t smile either

Didn’t even look surprised at the state he was in.like he was expecting it

He simply turned off the screen he had been reading

from and folded his hands on the desk.

“What is this nonsense I heard?”

Jin swallowed hard then blinked. “…What?”

“Namjoon’s party,” his father snapped.

 “You drinking until you nearly fell.

Kissing Hana in public like a teenager with no self-respect. Making a spectacle”

 

Jin swallowed again , jaw tightening

“That—,…. was not a spectacle”

 

“You embarrassed the entire family”

Jin let out a humorless breath

“Since when do you care about embarrassment?”

 

His father’s gaze sharpened

 

“You think this is a joke? You think the world won’t see?

You are the next to inherit this firm. People talk. They watch you.

Every move you make reflects on us.”

 

 

Jin laughed , tired, bitter, a little broken

 

“And because of that you called me here?”

“No,” his father said, voice hardening.

“I called you to tell you something important”

He stood, smoothing his suit jacket

 

“I met with Hana’s parents yesterday”

 

Jin’s chest froze

 

“What?”

 

“I agreed to schedule your engagement next week”

 

The world tilted

 

Jin stared

“…Engagement?” he repeated, breath sharp

 

“Abeoji, what— you didn’t even— We never talked about—”

“There is nothing to talk about. It is arranged. For your future.

 For the firm. For stability.she is a good women , beautiful , sucessful attroney ,

good family business  reputitation ”

 

Jin felt something dark coil inside him

“My life is not a business deal”

 

“Everything is a business deal,” his father snapped

 

“You’re almost fourty . It’s time you act like a man and stop running around like a reckless child”

 

Jin could feel heat rising behind his eyes , not tears, not yet

Anger

Real anger

 

“Abeoji… I never agreed to this. Hana and I—we're not even—”

 

“You’ve been dating for years”

 

“On and off,” Jin muttered

“When it was convenient for you”

His father’s jaw tightened.

 

 

“Do you think I haven’t noticed?” he said quietly.

“Do you think I don’t know you’ve been… distracted?”

 

Jin stopped breathing

 

“You still ask people to watch me?” his voice cracked,

part disbelief, part betrayal

 

“Of course I do,” his father replied without hesitation.

“You are my son. My successor. You don’t get to lose control.

Not at your age. Not in public”

 

Jin felt something inside him snap , a thin, invisible string

 holding everything together.

 

 

“I’m not your company,” Jin breathed

“I’m not your legacy. I’m just—”

 

“A grown man who needs to act like one,” his father cut in sharply.

“Be respectful. Be responsible. And don’t embarrass me again.”

 

Jin’s hands were shaking , he didn’t know if it was anger or

the hangover or heartbreak or all three tangled together.

 

His father gestured to the water glass the secretary had placed on the table.

“Drink. You look awful”

 

Jin picked it up

 

Stared at it

 

And then the glass shattered in his hand when he slammed it down too hard,

water spraying across the desk.

 

The secretary gasped from the doorway

 

Jin’s hand was bleeding but he didn’t care at that moment

 

Employees outside turned at the noise

 

His father stared at him , shocked for the first time in years

“Kim Seokjin,” he said, voice low, dangerous.

 

 

 

But Jin didn’t stay

 

He pushed away from the desk, breathing too fast, chest tight, and walked out

The hallway fell silent as he passed , every employee frozen in place, wide-eyed as they watched the composed,

polite, perfect Kim Seokjin storm through the office with a shaking jaw and shattered glass on his hands

 

 

He didn’t stop

 

Not when they whispered

 

Not when he heard the secretary calling after him

 

Not when his father shouted his name

 

He didn’t stop until the cold outside air hit his face

 

And only then did he realize—

His hands were still shaking

 

His heart was hurting in too many directions

 

And everything, absolutely everything, was falling apart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jimin’s apartment was small, warm, and smelled like laundry detergent and

the leftover tteokbokki they ate it together earlier.

It felt familiar and safe

 

Like the kind of place where hurt could breathe a little

 

Just like Jimin himself

 

Taehyung curled on the end of the couch with his knees pulled up,

hoodie sleeves too long, hair messy from the cold night outside.

 

He looked like a boy who had walked too far just to fall apart somewhere soft.

Jimin didn’t say anything when he came in

 

Didn’t ask

Didn’t push

He just opened his door that night to find his best friend in his big black hoodie,

the hood wsas pulled lower to hide his longer blonde curls now,

holding a backpack and a game console smiling sheepishly

 

 “Jimin-ah…” his voice was soft, rough around the edges, “…wanna have a game night?”   

 

And then was it

 

They played rounds and rounds before Jimin brings a bag of chips,

threw a blanket over his legs, and put on some old animated movie they used to watch in their first year of uni.

 

It was stupid and comforting and perfect

 

The silence between them wasn’t awkward

It was a silence Jimin understood,

the kind Taehyung only carried when something inside him was cracking slowly.

 

Taehyung chewed a chip absentmindedly, eyes on the screen but seeing nothing.

 

Jimin watched him from the side, soft and patient

 

After almost an hour, after the second bag of chips and two empty soju bottles,

Taehyung finally began to melt.

 

His shoulders dropped

His fingers loosened on the blanket.

His eyes kept flicking toward Jimin like a child waiting to be told he could speak.

Jimin leaned his head back on the couch, voice gentle, almost whisper-soft.

 

“You know you can tell me anything, baby… right?”

 

That was it

 

Taehyung’s breath hitched

His jaw trembled once, then again, and before he could stop it,

The tears spilled

 

He covered his face with both hands, shaking

 

“Jiminie…” his voice broke, raw and small.

Jimin scooted closer immediately, wrapping an arm around Taehyung’s shoulders, rubbing slow circles into his back.

 

“Let it out,” he murmured. “I’m here”

 

And Taehyung did

 

The words came out in pieces at first, then like a flood finally allowed to break its dam.

 

“I—I was stupid,” Taehyung whispered, tears wetting his sleeves. “I liked him, I mean I… I don’t know, I thought….”

“Talk slow, baby,” Jimin whispered, brushing Taehyung’s bangs back.

 

He trembled,

 

“I flirted with him,” he confessed quietly. “We… kissed.  More than once. God—Jimin, I let him kiss me anywhere, anytime, I—”

His voice cracked hard

Jimin tightened his hold

 

And didn’t ask who

 

Taehyung inhaled sharply

“We made this, …this arrangement,I mean ..I made it” he continued, voice almost shaking apart.

 

 “He had a girlfriend, but I still… agreed. I said I’d be… second. I said I didn’t care”

 

Jimin’s eyes hardened immediately

 

He knows that , Jimin just know Jin has a girlfriend

 

But what he didn’t know was how his best friend could agreed to such arrangement ?

 

“What the hell, Taehyung,….” he whispered, hurt and angry and protective all at once

 

“Baby, why would you do that to yourself?”

 

Taehyung cried harder

 

“I don’t know!” he shouted, voice muffled in his hands

“I saw him kissing her and,  Jimin, I thought I would die. I got so jealous, so angry,

I told him to break up with her and he, he looked at me like I was insane.

And then that night at the campsite….I ..  ”

His voice faded

 

Everything inside him broke again at the memory

 

Jimin breathed in slowly, grounding him

 

 

“Did he hurt you?” he asked softly

 

Taehyung shook his head

 

“No. I hurt myself. I said all the wrong things…I break things with him,  

acted like a child… and then he just….left. Without saying anything. He always like that ,

And I… I kept waiting for him to come back. But he didn’t”

 

Jimin felt his chest twist

 

“Tae-ah,” he whispered, thumb brushing the younger’s cheek gently,

 

“why do you think it hurt so much?”

 

Taehyung blinked, eyes glossy, confused

“I… don’t know,” he whispered

 

“I thought it was attraction. Or desire. Or…. or just wanting someone, I guess. But

when I saw him with her again that night… something inside me just…”

 

He placed a hand over his chest, pressing hard

 

“It broke again,” he whispered. “Like… like it did at the campsite. Like he keeps

breaking me without touching me..he…is just..”

 

Jimin exhaled slowly through his nose

 

Then he cupped Taehyung’s cheeks firmly, turning him to face him

 

“Kim Taehyung,” he said softly but firmly,

“you’re in love, babo-ya”

 

Taehyung froze

 

 

 

Jimin continued, his voice gentler now

 

“You think it’s just attraction? That man kissed you once and you haven’t breathed normally since”

“You think it’s desire? You get jealous just seeing someone stand too close to him”

“You think it’s confusion? You mourn him like someone who lost something precious”

He wiped the tear from Taehyung’s cheek

 

“You’ve been in love from the start,” he whispered

 

“You just didn’t know what it looked like because you’ve never been in love before”

 

Taehyung’s lips trembled

 

“You’re lying…” he whispered, voice shaking

 

Jimin shook his head

 

“No, baby”

 

He pulled Taehyung into a soft hug, letting the younger bury himself into his shoulder.

“It’s love. That’s why it hurts like this”

 

Taehyung cried quietly, exhausted, overwhelmed

 

“And it’s okay,” Jimin whispered into his hair.

“It doesn’t make you foolish. It just makes you human”

 

Taehyung’s voice cracked against his shoulder:

“Jimin-ah… what do I do now?”

 

Jimin held him tighter

“For now?”

He kissed the top of Taehyung’s head softly

“You breathe, baby..

You heal

You feel everything”

 

“And when the time comes… you decide if that love is something to fight for”

 

Taehyung sniffled

 

“but he has her , he is… straight..”

 

“Straight my ass! He have been kissing you in every corner ,

have you ever seen his face when he is looking at you?!“ Jimin half smirks , half scoffed sassily

 

Taehyung smile shyly through tears, his ears red

 

Dear god, his baby-friend  has gone

 

“Jimin-ah…”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I’m scared”

 

“I know,” he whispered warmly

“That’s how you know it’s real”

 

Taehyung didn’t say anything after that ,

he just looked at him stunned , deep in thought

 

 

That when they heard the front door bell, and Jimin went to open his door

 

 

 

From where he was sitting on the couch, Taehyung can hear Jimin’s small gasp

before he heard,

 

“Hyungnim?”

 

 

 

And then came that voice Taehyung was longing to hear but

dreading to at the same time.

 

 

 

 

 

“So..ory to dis..trub you … this late .. but is Taehyung here?”

 

 

 

Notes:

🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️💣💣💣

Chapter 31: Here With Me

Summary:

He wished, God, he wished, that the boy had meant it forever,

That he’d grown up remembering that moment.....

That he hadn’t spent his whole life choosing everything but himself

 

 

 

 

 

 

The hall smelled like lilies and camera flashes

 

Soft music hummed somewhere in the background,

the kind of elegant instrumental that made everything sound expensive and hollow.

 

People gathered in clusters , relatives, business partners, reporters , 

all dressed beautifully, all smiling too brightly for a day that felt nothing like celebration to him.

 

Jin stood beside Hana, hands folded neatly in front of him,

posture perfect, suit perfect, expression… not

 

He looked like the ideal son

 

A clean black suit tailored too sharply, hugging his shoulders.

White shirt crisp

 

Black bow tie flawless

Shoes shining.His hair was pushed back,

 

forehead exposed the way his mother always said made him look more “successful”

He looked every inch the man they wanted him to be.

 

Except for the eyes

 

They were empty

 

Not cold ,emptiness was worse. It looked like someone had taken something from him.

 

Hana stood to his right, stunning in an ivory dress,

makeup soft and expensive, earrings glittering under the chandelier lights.

 

She looked perfect , almost painfully so

 

But when she glanced at him, her smile wavered

 

They hadn’t truly spoken since the morning she stormed into his apartment.

 

 

 

Her eyes flickered with something , doubt? sadness? fear?

 

She didn’t know

 

Jin didn’t know either

 

Around them, cameras clicked

 

Kim Seokjin, rising attorney

 

Kim Seokjin, successor of the Kim firm

Kim Seokjin, the perfect groom-to-be

 

He wanted to laugh

 

Or maybe he wanted to run

 

His father stood front row, posture straight, eyes sharp,

 

watching him the way a sculptor watched a statue he carved himself.

 

Don’t embarrass me, Jin-ah

 

Jin swallowed as the officiator spoke something formal,

 

something about families, unity, promise.

 

His palms felt cold

 

Hana’s hand brushed his lightly , a soft cue, a reminder

 

He didn’t lift his head at first

 

Then he heard the cameras zoom

Felt the silence settle

 

Saw Hana raise the engagement ring with a soft, careful breath

 

Her fingers shook , almost imperceptibly , but he saw it

 

He lifted his hand automatically

 

His right hand. Not the injured one

It trembled slightly as he offered it forward

 

Their families leaned in

 

Han’s mother dabbed at her eyes

 

His own mother squeezed her clutch tighter,

lips pressed into a thin worried line

 

His father watched like a hawk,

expression hard, unmovable

 

Jin inhaled shallowly

 

Hana slowly slid the shining band onto his finger

 

It was simple. Elegant

Perfect for a man like him

 

His breath stuttered , just barely , when cold metal touched his skin

 

He felt… trapped

 

 

Like a door closing

 

Like the last bit of light slipping behind something heavy

 

A few claps rose from the crowd

 

Warm, cheerful, polite

 

But Hana didn’t smile fully

 

She was searching his eyes for something , anything , and finding nothing

 

His own lips twitched into a faint polite smile, the same one he wore at business

dinners and press events, the one that never reached his eyes.

 

The cameras clicked as if this moment belonged to the world

 

 

 

But inside Jin’s chest…

 

everything was silent

 

Too silent

 

He wondered if Taehyung would hear about this

 

If he would see the pictures

If he would care

If he would hurt

 

He wondered why he still wanted the answer.

 

His father stepped forward first, smiling proudly, patting his shoulder

 

His mother followed, hugging Hana, squeezing her hands warmly,

glancing back at her son with eyes that were soft but worried.

 

Hana finally leaned closer, whispering under the noise:

“Jin-ah… are you sure you’re okay?”

 

He didn’t answer right away

 

He couldn’t

 

His throat felt tight, like words were stuck there

 

So he just gave that small, practiced, brittle smile 

 

The one that said I’m fine. Please don’t look too deeply

 

And as the claps echoed and flashes went off again,

 

Kim Seokjin stood there, wearing the perfect suit, the perfect ring,

 

 

 

the perfect life, and feeling more lost than he ever had in his entire existence

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The hall was finally quiet

 

 

The cameras, the reporters, the congratulatory laughter , all gone

 

Only the leftover scent of perfume and champagne lingered in the air,

hanging like something Jin wanted to peel off his skin.

 

He stood there, still in his perfect black suit, hair slicked back,

tie sitting tight against his throat like a hand.

 

He couldn’t breathe

 

His fingers trembled, the ring cold and unfamiliar around them

 

He didn’t hear her footsteps at first

 

Only when a soft, hesitant voice broke the silence did he lift his eyes

 

“Jin-ah…”

 

His mother stood near the curtain,

hands folded nervously, eyes full of something between worry and helplessness.

 

She had been watching him all night

He had felt it , that same gaze she always wore when she was scared,

or when she couldn’t stop something from happening.

 

He swallowed, jaw tight

 

“I did what you wanted, Omma”

 

His voice came out low, rougher than he intended

 

She flinched gently at it, her fingers twisting together

 

“Jin-ah… your father… he thought—”

 

“That this is good for me?” he cut in, smiling without warmth.

“Or good for the family image?”

 

His mother’s lips parted, then closed quietly

 

She didn’t deny it

 

She never did

 

A beat of silence passed — heavy, suffocating

 

He let out a shaky breath,

staring at the empty champagne glasses stacked on the

nearby table.

 

“I stood there like a mannequin, Omma,” he whispered

“Beside her. Smiling for photos.

Letting people congratulate me for something I don’t even want”

 

His mother’s face tightened, eyes glassy

 

“Your father only wants to secure your future—”

 

“My future?” Jin laughed softly , 

the kind of laugh that sounded like paper tearing.

 

“Or his legacy?”

 

She looked down

 

And something inside Jin snapped quietly

 

Because he had seen that expression before

 

A long time ago

 

He wasn’t standing in a polished engagement hall anymore.

He was fifteen again , knees stinging on the living room floor, breath punched out of him.

 

His father’s voice booming across the walls:

“You failed your exam again? Are you even studying?”

 

“You’re wasting time with that Kim’s NK boy! You’re the heir of this family,

act like it!”

 

The sharp crack of the slap still lived somewhere in his bones

 

He remembered the taste of iron on his tongue

The shock

 

But he remembered something worse

 

His mother standing right there

 

Frozen

 

Hands trembling , but not moving.

 

Eyes full of fear , but not speaking

 

When his father left the room, Jin had looked at her with burning eyes

“Why didn’t you defend me… Omma?”

 

She had knelt slowly, trying to check his cheek,

voice a tiny, shaking whisper

“I’m sorry, Jin-ah… I’m sorry…”

 

He never forgot that sound

 

He was hearing it again now，

“I’m sorry, Jin-ah…” she said in the same soft voice,

present and past folding

 

painfully together

 

 

 

He closed his eyes, chest tightening until he felt dizzy

 

He wasn’t a teenager anymore

He was a grown man, in an expensive suit,

with a diamond ring on his finger.

 

But somehow,

 

He still felt like that boy kneeling on the floor,

waiting for someone to choose him.

 

“Omma…” he whispered, opening his eyes slowly.

His voice cracked before he could stop it.

 

“Why… why don’t you ever defend me?”

 

Her breath hitched , a tiny sound, almost a sob

She stepped closer, reaching for his arm with shaking hands.

“Jin-ah… I… Your father… he—”

“I know,” Jin cut her off, voice shaking.

“I know he scares you. He scares me too”

His mother’s chin trembled.

“I didn’t want this for you,” she whispered.

“I wanted you to be safe… to be protected… to not be… punished again.”

Jin let out a breathless laugh , broken.

 

“Safe?” he murmured.

“Omma, I’m suffocating”

 

He pressed the heel of his palm to his eyes, breathing unevenly.

She reached for him again

 

But Jin stepped back, gentler this time, voice soft and exhausted:

“I did what you wanted. Like always”

“And I’ll live with it, if that’s what you ask”

He looked down at the engagement ring.

 

“But please… don’t say it’s for my sake”

His mother swallowed hard,

tears sliding down her cheek before she could stop them.

 

“Jin-ah… I’m sorry”

Jin nodded faintly, rubbing his tired eyes.

“I know, Omma”

 

He didn’t raise his voice

He didn’t fight her

It was worse than anger, it was resignation.

 

A quiet surrender

 

 

He turned away, straightening his suit, preparing to walk back out to the empty hall.

As he reached the door, his mother’s voice cracked behind him:

 

“You deserved better than this, Jin-ah”

 

For the first time that night, Jin’s steps faltered

 

But he didn’t turn back

 

He couldn’t

 

He opened the door and stepped into the cold corridor alone ,

 

 trapped in a future he didn’t choose, wearing a ring that felt like chains.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He only came to the hotel for a business conference

 

A simple presentation, a networking lunch, maybe a polite bow to a few seniors before heading home.

 

That was the plan. He hadn’t expected anything else from the day

 

He definitely hadn’t expected him

 

Minjae was adjusting his tie,

half-distractedly scrolling through his emails as he walked down the long carpeted corridor,

until a familiar tall figure stepped out from one of the halls.

 

His breath caught

 

Jin

 

A flawless black suit, jacket pressed to perfection,

hair pushed back off his forehead, exposing every sharp, beautiful line of his face.

He looked like one perfect groom, like one of those drama actors

 

But his eyes…

 

His eyes were empty

 

Completely, frighteningly empty

 

His posture was stiff, his expression unreadable,

his hand trembling faintly as he lifted it to greet someone.

 

He looked… beautiful

 

And he looked like he hadn’t slept in days

 

 

 

Minjae froze before he could stop himself

 

Jin glanced up, startled, and their eyes met just for a second

 

Minjae bowed politely, forcing a smile

 

“Sunbaenim… ”

 

Jin blinked, slow,surprised

 

bowing back with the stiff smile of someone whose soul had gone somewhere far,

far away

 

He walked past him,

polite as ever, but Minjae turned, watching his back disappear down the corridor.

 

Something was wrong

 

Deeply wrong

 

Minjae stepped forward,

drawn by a strange tightness in his chest.

 

That’s when he heard it

 

Before the door closed completely,

he caught a glimpse inside the hall Jin had just left.

 

 

Camera shutters. Soft classical music.

People murmuring congratulations.

 

He turned automatically,

curiosity pulling him toward the source of the crowd.

 

Toward the large gold banner standing tall near the ballroom entrance

 

“Kim Seokjin & Lee Hana – Engagement Ceremony”

 

For a moment, Minjae simply stood there.

 

Blinking

 

His  stomach dropped immediately

 

Taehyung

 

He swallowed hard, a cold unease curling into his stomach

 

Does Taehyung know?

God… does he know?

 

He looked back again at the corridor where Jin had disappeared.

 

The man had walked like a ghost , too calm, too silent, too …..empty

 

Minjae exhaled, suddenly feeling too warm inside his suit

 

He had promised himself he wouldn’t interfere

 

That night at Namjoon’s party,

after Taehyung had broken and kissed him in the dark hallway,

 

Minjae had stepped back. He had decided to give him time , 

 

time to untangle the pain, the confusion, the lingering feelings.

 

But now…

 

Now he wasn’t sure Taehyung had that time

 

His hands tightened around the strap of his briefcase, knuckles turning pale

 

He thought of Taehyung’s soft voice the night they reunited,

 

the shaky way he whispered “I can’t stop it, hyung… I don’t know what to do…”

 

 

He thought of those eyes , confused, hurting, trying so hard to pretend he was okay.

 

Minjae swallowed hard again

 

“He’ll be crushed…” he whispered under his breath.

 

A part of him wished he didn’t care this much.

 

A part of him wished he didn’t love Taehyung in the quiet,

gentle way he always had.

 

But he did

 

And now,

 

standing in front of this bright,

decorated hall, he felt a heavy fear settle deep in his chest.

 

He closed his eyes briefly, letting out a slow, helpless breath.

“Please…” he murmured softly,

 

“…God, I just hope he’ll be okay”

 

But even as he said it, Minjae knew the truth:

Taehyung wouldn’t be okay

 

Not when it was him

 

And Minjae had never felt more powerless in his life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The night air was colder by the river,

cold enough that it cut through his suit even beneath his coat.

 

He barely felt it,

 

 His steps were uneven on the stone path,

 

The bottle of whiskey swinging loosely from his fingers -

as he walked toward the water.

 

The engagement party was still echoing in his ears,

applause, cameras, flashes, congratulations that didn’t reach him.

 

 His smile had hurt

 

His fingers had trembled when Hana slid the ring onto his hand,

a perfect, sparkling band that looked like it belonged to someone else’s life.

 

He had bowed. He had posed. He had done what was expected

 

And then, when the room quieted and chatter softened,

 

He slipped away, grabbing the nearest whiskey bottle from the bar on his way out.

No one stopped him. No one even called his name.

 

That was the part that stung the most

 

 

By the time he reached the river,

 his breath was fogging in the air,

and the city lights were reflecting over the dark water in fractured lines.

 

He sat on the low concrete barrier,

elbows on his knees, the bottle resting between his hands.

For a moment, he didn’t drink.

 

He just… let himself breathe

Or tried to

 

He had never felt so trapped

 

Not even as a teenager living under the strict shadow of his father.

Not even when he was told what major to pick,

 

what friends were acceptable, how he should speak,

 

walk, exist

 

Tonight was different

Tonight felt like betrayal, but by his own blood

 

His father’s voice still rang in his head from earlier:

Next week. You will not embarrass this family

Be a man

Behave

Do what is required

And him?

He had bowed his head again.

Like always

 

 

He lifted the bottle and took a long drink, eyes stinging at the burn.

His mind wandered, no, drifted,

 straight to the one thing he hadn’t been able to push away these past months.

 

Taehyung

 

 

That golden, shimmering boy who looked like he belonged to a different world entirely.

 The one he never should’ve touched.

The one he couldn’t stop thinking about.

 

He pressed the back of his hand to his lips,

jaw tightening at the phantom sensation of Taehyung’s mouth,

soft and trembling under his.

 

Why can’t I forget you…?

 

The river breeze brushed past him,

And with it came a memory,small, innocent,

so painfully pure it made his throat close up

 

He must have been eighteen,

Taehyung barely six,

 

They were in the old Kim living room,

wooden floor covered in Lego bricks that spilled like colorful confetti.

 

Jin remembered kneeling beside him,

building robots and cars while little Taehyung worked on something tall and wobbly.

 

“Jin-hyung, look!” little Taetae had said, voice bright like sunlight,

 

cheeks flushed from excitement.

 

Jin leaned in. “Whoa… your house is huge!”

 

Taehyung nodded eagerly, curls bouncing.

“We all can live here”

 

Jin laughed softly    “Then where’s my room?”

Taehyung paused, staring down at the Lego structure with the

seriousness of a tiny engineer.

 

Then he pointed at a small red block somewhere in the middle.

 

“Here. With me”

 

 

Jin choked on his own laugh that day

“Taetae… that room is too small for both of us”

 

“Why?” the child blinked up innocently.

“Appa and Omma live in the same room”

 

Jin froze. His face burned

 

How was he supposed to explain?

 

“That’s… only for grown-ups who get married, Taetae,” he managed awkwardly.

Taehyung’s eyes widened, then narrowed with determination,

a tiny warrior making a life decision.

 

“Then we can get married, Seokjin-hyung”

 

Jin stared at him stunned

The child’s round eyes, his soft voice,

the absolute sincerity ,innocence in it

 

He had laughed it off back then,

ruffling the boy’s hair,calling him a cute dongsaeng.

 

“Yah, silly. That’s not how it works”

 

 

But now… sitting alone by the river…

He wished, God, he wished, that the boy had meant it forever.

That he’d grown up remembering that moment

 

That Jin hadn’t spent his whole life choosing everything but himself

 

If Taehyung asked him again today, with that same determination…

 

“I would’ve said yes,” Jin whispered to the empty riverbank.

His voice broke,He swallowed more whiskey to hide the sound

 

Another drink

Another harsh swallow

 

He stared at the bottle, eyes blurring,

then looked out at the river, dark, quiet, uncaring.

 

He wondered if Taehyung even remembered that memory.

He wondered if the boy knew how long Jin had carried it,

hidden somewhere deep and quiet

 

He wondered… if anything could ever be undone now

 

He pressed the heel of his palm to his eyes, trying to breathe through the ache.

 

His engagement ring reflected a faint streetlight, too bright, too cold on his finger.

 

“I never even chose this,” he whispered to himself,

voice barely audible against the wind.

 

The truth pressed heavily against his ribs

 

He didn’t choose Hana, didn’t love her -he just realized -

He didn’t choose law school,

He didn’t choose his career,

He didn’t choose today’s ring.

 

He had never chosen anything in his life.

 

Except him

 

That one reckless, forbidden choice in a lifetime of obedience.

 

And he had ruined it.

 

 

“Taehyung-ah… did you know…” he whispered to the water, voice cracking,

 “I think… I think I loved you even then”

 

The wind didn’t answer

So he took another drink

 

The wind brushed past him softly, like a reply he didn’t want to hear.

Jin tilted his head back, eyes burning, and laughed once,bitter, hollow.

 

“I’m getting married,” he whispered

“To someone I don’t love”

 

And the only person he ever wanted to choose…

He couldn’t choose

Not in this life

Not with this father

Not with this family

 

He suddenly wondered if Taehyung and Minjae were getting married soon too?

 

If they had chosen each other, … the elder boy looked happy, successful when he ran into him earlier.

 

 

He took another shaky sip instead

 

The river was quiet

 

But Jin felt like he was drowning anyway

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He didn’t remember when the bottle ran empty.

Or how long he’d sat by the Han River staring into the black water,

mind replaying old memories he didn’t ask for.

 

 But somewhere between the burn of whiskey and the burn in his chest,

his feet had moved on their own.

 

And now…

 

Jin found himself standing in front of the Kim house

 

The gate was the same as always,black iron, clean, familiar，

A place he had walked through countless times as a boy, as a teenager,

as a young man who still believed he had choices.

 

Tonight, he didn’t even know how he got there

 

A taxi maybe, his memory blurred after the third sip

 

He only knew his legs felt heavy

 

 His throat raw. His left hand throbbing under the white bandage

 

He stood there, swaying slightly in the winter air, staring up at a window on the second floor

 

Taehyung’s room

 

Lights off

 

Curtains drawn

 

 

He must be asleep, Jin thought, chest tightening painfully

 

What was he even doing here?

 

Standing like some pathetic drunk in front of the house of the boy

 he couldn’t have… the boy he couldn’t stop loving

 

If Mr. Kim saw him....

If Namjoon saw him....

 

God, he’d never survive the embarrassment

 

 Especially not tonight,

the night he’d worn an engagement ring he didn’t want.

 

He exhaled shakily, rubbing his forehead.

“I should go,” he whispered to himself, voice cracking

 

He turned to leave

 

And that’s when he heard it, soft, confused, half-asleep:

“Jinie?”

 

He froze

 

His heart stopped

 

He turned again, too fast, and nearly stumbled

 

Mrs. Kim stood at the front door,

 

wrapped in a thick scarf, hair messy from sleep,

 

eyes widening when she saw him

 

She stepped outside, pulling the scarf tighter against the cold night air

 

“Emo–einim…” Jin bowed awkwardly, almost tripping over his own feet

 

She walked closer, concern blooming across her face as she took in his disheveled state,

crumpled suit, swollen eyes, trembling hands.

 

“You look handsome tonight, son,” she said quietly

 

Jin tried to laugh

 

It came out broken

 

His eyes stung suddenly,too fast, too much

 

Her gentle voice, her softness,       just like him

 

It all cracked something open inside him he had been holding shut for months

When her hands came up to cup his cheeks,

 

warm against his cold skin,

 

He broke

 

 

Tears slipped before he could stop them,

falling silently, then faster, shaking out of him like something he couldn’t hold any longer.

 

“Aigoo… Jinnie,” she whispered, thumb brushing under his eye.

 

“Are you okay, son?”

 

He shook his head

 

No

He wasn’t okay

 

Not tonight. Not any night

 

Not since him

 

She didn’t say anything else.

 

She just pulled him into her arms, and Jin—Kim Seokjin,

always composed, always polished， 

buried his face in her shoulder and cried like he never let himself cry，

Soft, aching sobs

 

“Aigoo… my crying baby,” she murmured,

 

rubbing slow circles on his back the way she used to when he was a child visiting their house for dinner.

Jin let out a choked laugh between sobs, embarrassed, wiping his face.

 

“I’m… sorry,” he whispered

“You don’t have to apologize to me,” she said softly

 

“Why are you here son in this hour ?”

 

He didn’t know what to say

 

Didn’t know what he was supposed to do

 

His gaze drifted once more to Taehyung’s dark window

Mrs. Kim followed the direction of his eyes

 

And her voice softened even more

“He’s not here”

 

Jin blinked, breath catching

 

“He went to Jimin-ie’s house tonight”

She paused, studying his trembling expression

 

Then she stepped back, squeezed his shoulder gently, and told him the address.

 

 

“Take a taxi, Jinnie. Don’t drive,” she said firmly, patting his arm

 

 

“Thank you… emo–inim.” He bowed deeply, voice cracking again

 

She smiled at him, tired, sad, knowing

 

“Go,” she whispered

 

 

 

 

 

“Go before your heart breaks any more”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The doorbell rang again, soft, hesitant,

 

Like whoever stood outside wasn’t sure they deserved to be there.

 

Jimin frowned, wiping his hands on his sweatpants as he padded to the door.

 

 It was almost 1 a.m. Who the hell—

 

He pulled it open halfway and froze

 

 

“Hyungnim?”

 

 

Jin stood there

 

 

Or, no, Jimin corrected, a version of Jin, one he had never seen before.

He was wearing A perfect black blazer, crisp white shirt, perfect black bow tie ,

the collar slightly wilted now like it had been pulled at.

 

His hair was pushed back but messy, two strands falling stubbornly over his forehead.

His eyes, god, his eyes were swollen, rimmed in red, the kind of red that didn’t come

from alcohol alone.

 

He looked handsome still

But broken

So painfully broken Jimin felt his chest pinch.

 

“So..ory to dis..trub you…” Jin slurred softly,

voice shaky like he was fighting for breath. 

“...this late… but is Taehyung here?” he was swaying slightly but tried to compose

himself , trying to stand straight

 

 

 

Jimin’s fingers tightened around the doorknob

 

He turned, glancing back into his small apartment where Taehyung sat on the couch,

knees tucked to his chest, sleeves of his hoodie swallowing his hands.

 

His face was pale, eyes glassy in the dim lamp glow, still recovering, still aching.

Before Jimin could speak, Taehyung slowly stood.

 

His steps were cautious at first,

like he wasn’t sure if this was real or another dream.

 

His breath hitched softly when he reached the hallway,

 

And then,

They were just there

Facing each other

Only a few steps apart

 

Jimin felt something shift in the air,

like the whole room exhaled with them.

 

Jin’s lips parted the second he saw Taehyung,

a small, helpless sound caught in his throat.

 

His eyes softened and shattered all at once

 

And Taehyung… Taehyung looked like the air had been punched out of him,

stunned, afraid, relieved, everything tangled in one trembling inhale.

 

They didn’t speak

 

The silence between them cracked open,

 

 full of all the months they’d spent missing each other,

 hurting each other, trying and failing to move on.

 

Jimin swallowed, stepping back quietly,

feeling like he was intruding on something too raw, too intimate

 

He leaned toward Taehyung, whispering just enough for him to hear,

“Talk to him, baby… it’s your chance now”

 

Taehyung didn’t blink, didn’t look away from Jin, not even for a second

 

Jimin exhaled softly and grabbed his keys from the counter.

 

“I’ll… go crash at Jungkook’s,” he muttered to no one in particular

 

But neither of them answered, only Jin moved forward unconsciously

 

Neither of them even noticed him moving past them.

 

Because when Jimin slipped out into the hallway,

 closing the door quietly behind him, they were still standing there,

 

eyes locked, breathing uneven, holding onto each other without touching at all

And Jimin smiled sadly to himself, brushing his thumb over the keyring

 

“Don’t mess this up again, hyungnim,” he whispered into the empty corridor.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Not this time”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

Hi :)

Today I want to be honest with you, .... I am satisfied with this story progress until now,

I hope you too. I am afraid some readers already gave up on this story because of the angst and the pace,

However looking back at this story nature, I want to give my characters their own time to progress their feelings like in real life,

especially for Seokjin who is on a self-discovery journey, and still learning about himself.

Calling them "meaningless filler" , I can't lie, it has hurt my feelings at some point during the writing ,

I feel un-motivated most of the time while writing this story, but seeing some readers still here and

still liking it, it gave me motivation to go forward with my plot.

This isn't to justify my writing or the story itself, it is more of justifying my Taejin characters themselves in this story.

I hope you relate to that too.

Lastly, I already have a complete plot for the whole story now. better days are coming

I really wish you will be there until then...

Thank you for all the Kudos and reading 💜

Chapter 32: Lovestruck In The City

Summary:

Taehyung hated him for that

 

Hated him for showing up looking like the man he’d been dreaming about and trying

to forget at the same time.

 

 

 

 

 

The hallway felt too narrow the moment Jimin left

Too quiet

Too full of breath that didn’t know where to go

 

Neither of them looked away.

 

For a moment, the whole world felt like it was holding its breath ， the hallway, the

shadows, even the faint sound of traffic outside.

Only their breathing existed

 

Taehyung didn’t breathe at first

 

Not when Jimin whispered “Talk to him… it’s your chance,”

Not when the front door closed behind his best friend,

Not even when he and him were finally alone in the same small room again after

months of running from each other.

 

 

The sound of the door clicking shut felt louder than the thunder inside his chest.

The man stood there , painfully handsome....., painfully ruined.

 

Still in his formal suit, jacket unbuttoned,

shirt wrinkled like he had pulled at it on the way here.

Hair perfect earlier… but now pushed back messily,

like he kept dragging his hands through it all night.

 

Two strands fell forward over his forehead

 

His left hand wrapped in a white bandage , Taehyung felt his heart trembled at the sight

And his eyes , His eyes were the part that ruined Taehyung.

 

 swollen, red-rimmed, shining,not only from alcohol ,Like he had cried before coming here.

 

Like he had been trying not to

 

Taehyung didn’t understand why he was here ? in this perfect suite

With this pained expression

 

He  had never seen him like this

 

“...Hyung?” he whispered finally, voice barely steady

 

He wasn’t sure if he wants to scream at him, hold him ,.. ..or kiss him

 

And Taehyung hated him for that

 

Hated him for showing up looking like the man he’d been dreaming about and trying

to forget at the same time.

 

“Taehyung-ah…” Jin whispered, voice thin, like a thread that might snap if he

breathed wrong.

 

Taehyung flinched

 

“ How.. have .you been ?....”

 

“I am…….good ..” Taehyung  answered softly , but his voice betrayed him, trembling.

Tried so hard not to let his emotions shows

 

Jin’s jaw tightened. He took a shaky breath,

stepping forward once before stopping himself, hands shaking at his sides.

 

“really?”

 

Taehyung just hummed an answer,can’t trust his voice

 

“does… he make you happy..?”

 

Taehyung didn’t reply  , expression unreadable but his glassy eyes is exposing him

Trying so hard not to cry in-front of the man he felt so many emotions towards him

Longing,..anger, frustration and ..love

 

 

“God...why I am so annoyed to hear you are doing ...good ?” Jin laughed bitterly  ,

his redden eyes only watching him before he breaks down in tears ,covering his face

Head bowed down in surrender**

 

“I don’t… want you to be ….good “ He slurred

 

Silence

 

“Hyu..ng “

“I…I .. know ....you’re lying “ Taehyung whispered ,voice breaking

 

“No, ..I..I mean everything that I say “  raising his head , Jin voice was shaky

“I—I didn’t know where else to go,” he said, voice cracking at the edges

 

“because .. because as you can see , day by day ..literally day by day ,

I am dying a little more inside ,.....“I just— I needed to see you”**

 

 

 

 

“Hyung…” Taehyung voice cracked, too soft,

too young, tears running freely on his face now

 

 

Jin looked up at him slowly, drunken eyes glassy, lashes wet, lips trembling.

He looked wrecked, undone in a way Taehyung had only seen once,

that night when he was feverish from the cold , but this time the man looked more

Broken that it hurt his heart

 

 

That’s how you know it’s real   Jimin’s words keep circling his thoughts

 

 

 

“I want to know,..do you…” Jin inhaled shakily, eyes never leaving Taehyung’s face,

Stepping closer , steps un steady still

 

“Do you not… want me anymore?”

 

Taehyung’s breath caught

 

“What.....”

 

 

 

“I need to know,” Jin whispered, stepping forward one tiny, unsteady step.

His voice was raw, cracked open down the middle.

“Because I can’t— I can’t keep…”

He dragged a hand over his face, exhaling shakily

“I can’t… breathe anymore,….. Taehyung-ah”

 

 

The younger froze where he stood,his heart lurched.

 

 

He wants to scream I Love You

 

God he love this man , loved him since long time ago

 

Why he didn’t know before ?, why this man didn’t know?

 

 

 

Taehyung’s felt his chest tightened painfully.

“I…” he whispered, stepping back a half-step without meaning to.

 

 

The man followed without moving his feet , his whole body leaning, reaching,

begging like gravity itself pulled him toward him.

 

“That’s not—”

 

“Then what?” Jin whispered hoarsely

“Because I tried. I tried so hard to stay away. To forget. To pretend I didn’t care”

His chest rose and fell faster, like he couldn’t control it anymore.

“But then I saw you with him again, in that golden shirt,

 looking so… beautiful I thought ….I would die”

 

Taehyung’s lips parted, breath trembling feeling so overwhelmed by this

Side of the man , ..  feeling so overwhelmed by his own feelings

 

Jin stepped closer again

 

 

“Tell me you don’t want me,” he whispered

“Please. I need to hear it from you “

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung swallowed

 

The room suddenly felt too small

 

Taehyung wanted to tell him , to show his feelings but..he wants the man to remember

That moment , to be in his right mind to understand his words , to understand his heart

 

 

 

“Hyung… you’re drunk.”

 

 

“I’m drunk because of you,” Jin snapped quietly, not only angry , just heartbroken

“I’m here because of you…..can’t you see this?” he laughed with no humor

“God, ….Taehyung-ah,…… I’m— I’m so tired of wanting you alone” 

His voice cracked again, still looking pissed

 

 

Taehyung’s throat tightened painfully that he couldn’t speak

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jin laughed again ,  bitter, shaky his glassy eyes looking around the room before

He snapped looking at him

 

“I wanted to hate you, …you know?” he whispered

“For leaving that night. For not calling. For choosing someone else...”

“I waited,”    “God,…I waited so long …for you to look at me again”

 

 

Taehyung’s breath caught,standing there unable to move

“Hyung, you were with—” his words trembled before he was able to stop them

 

“With her?” Jin laughed, broken

“Do you think any of that matters? ......Do you think any of it was real?”

 

 

Taehyung flinched, heart pounding painfully in his chest

 

What?

 

Jin dragged a trembling hand through his hair.

 

He lifted his eyes again, soft and destroyed

“But I can’t hate you...... I’ve never been able to”

 

A beat

 

A painful silence

 

 

Then Jin’s voice softened to a trembling whisper.

“If I told you to choose me… would you?”

 

 

Taehyung felt the air leave his lungs

 

Jin took another unsteady step forward , now only an arm’s length away.

“I came here tonight because I can’t fight it anymore”

 

His breath hitched

 

“If you tell me you don’t want me, .....I’ll walk away.... I swear I will.”

Taehyung’s lips trembled visibly

 

“But if you…” Jin swallowed, voice barely sound

“If you say you want me — even a little — I’ll stay.”

 

Taehyung’s eyes stung violently

“Hyung…” he whispered, voice shaking

“I— I can’t… you’re—”

 

 

“Say it,” Jin whispered, stepping even closer

“Do you want me or not?” he closed his eyes like he don’t want to hear the

Answer

 

Taehyung’s entire body froze.

His heart screamed yes.

His mind screamed you’re someone else’s boyfriend

 

She is my girlfriend

 

 

“You left,….” Taehyung said, voice shaking.

“You left that night without even looking at me.....”

 

Jin opened his eyes , and Taehyung wished he hadn’t.

Because the pain there was so raw it looked almost childlike.

 

“I know,” Jin whispered

“And that was the biggest mistake I ever made”

 

Taehyung’s breath caught again, shoulders trembling.

 

“You…. kissed her,” he said, barely audible

“In front of everyone”

 

 

The man froze

 

Taehyung looked away, blinking too fast

“Do you know what that felt like?”

His voice cracked

“I stood there watching you kiss someone else while I—”

He choked on the rest, sobbing quietly

 

While I was falling apart.....

While I was loving you alone..

 

Jin stepped closer , too close , the air between them tightening.

 

“I know,” he whispered

“I know. I know. I know” he was crying too

Each word sounded like a wound

“I saw your face when you left. ………I can’t forget it”

 

 

Taehyung let out a shaky breath, finally looking back at him.

 

“Why did you do it?” he asked, voice breaking 

 

“Why, hyung?”

 

 

Jin wet his lips, chest rising and falling too quickly.

“Because I saw his hand on your back,” he said honestly

“Because you smiled at him. Because you looked happy with him. Because I—”

 

His voice faltered

 

“Because I was jealous, Taehyung-ah….

So jealous it made me stupid”

 

 

Taehyung blinked, stunned

 

Jin stepped one small step closer…

“And because I thought… maybe you didn’t care anymore…”

 

He swallowed hard

“And I couldn’t take it”

 

 

“So you kissed her to hurt me?” Taehyung’s voice barely made it out….

 

Jin looked destroyed…

“Yeah….”

 

The hallway felt like it spun

 

Taehyung let out a small, broken laugh , tears  sliding down his cheek

“You’re cruel,” he whispered

“You’re so cruel, hyung”

 

 

Jin’s face crumpled…

“I know,” he choked out

“And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry”

 

Taehyung shook his head, tears falling freely now, shaking, unable to answer.

 

Unable to lie

 

Unable to tell the truth either,so he whispered instead

 

“She is your girlfriend, ..your words?” Taehyung couldn’t hold it anymore

 

Feeling all his past anger, frustrations , upset , love……all intertwining inside him

 

He watched the man breath stopped

 

“I don’t love her,” he said

“I never did”

 

Taehyung’s heart clenched so painfully he pressed a hand to his chest.

 

“Then why?” he whispered

“Why ….why go through with it?”

 

 

“Because I’m a coward….” Jin’s voice lowered, barely a whisper.

 

Taehyung froze, staring at him

 

Jin looked back , eyes glassy, jaw trembling.

 

“I’m a coward,” he repeated

“All my life, I’ve done what people wanted. ….What my father expected. …..What looked right. ……What was safe…..”

He took one more step closer until he could smell Taehyung’s shampoo

 

“But the only time I ever did something for myself—”

He looked at Taehyung like he was looking at a wound he loved.

 

 

“—was you.”

Taehyung’s breath hitched

 

Jin lifted a shaky hand, stopping inches away from Taehyung’s cheek like he didn’t

have the right to touch him anymore.

 

“And I ruined that too,” he whispered

 

 

 

Silence pressed around them

 

The kind that feels like a knife

 

Taehyung stared at him , at the trembling hand, at the ruined eyes,

 at the beautiful suit that didn’t match the broken man inside it.

 

“Hyung…” he whispered, voice cracking…closing his eyes

“What do you want from me?”

 

 

 

 

“You”

Jin finally let the truth fall out of him, bare and shaking.

 

 

 

 

Taehyung’s heart stopped

 

 

“I want you,” Jin said, voice trembling like a confession he’d been dying to say.

“I want you even when I shouldn’t….. Even when it ruins me…….

 Even when it’s already too late…..”

 

 

Taehyung felt something break inside him again and again , slow, loud, aching.

 

But then Jin finally touched him

 

Just the side of his face

 

A soft, terrified touch

 

“Tell me to go,” Jin whispered

“Tell me you don’t want me anymore, and I’ll leave…..”

 

Taehyung closed his eyes, tears falling……

 

He couldn’t say it.

He couldn’t lie

 

He opened his eyes again , broken, terrified, breath unsteady ,

 and whispered back:

“I can’t…..”

 

Jin’s fingers trembled against his skin…

 

Neither of them moved…..

 

Both hurting….

 

Both longing…..

 

Both ruined…….

And both finally, finally unable to pretend anymore.

 

 

 

 

The man stepped closer then until their foreheads almost touched….

His voice dropped to a trembling whisper.

 

“Do you not want me?” Jin’asked again, voice rose,raw, desperate.

The sentence sounded like it ripped out of his lungs.

 

He then pressed closer , too close that Taehyung can smell his drunken hot breath

over his lips , damp forehead pressing on his now

 

 

“you have said you wanted me .. and tonight I …I want to be yours …….“

 

“Completely …”

 

The man lips was hovering over his and Taehyung can’t breath anymore

his mouth opened, then closed.

He didn’t know how to answer something so sharp, he still figuring out his emotions

 

“Tell me you don’t want me, ….Taehyung-ah”

“Tell me to stop…….”

“Tell me to walk away…….”

 

 

 

Closing his eyes , Taehyung shook his head weakly….

“I… I don’t know—”

 

Talk to him, … it’s your chance now

 

 

“Taehyung !…look at me “ Jin’s right hand moved to grip his arm

 

 

He can’t , god he can’t look at him without spilling his truth

 

“do …..do you love him ? “ the man glassy eyes still looking desperately at him

Taehyung looked away , still crying silently

 

“Why him ?….”    Jin angry voice suddenly raised ,

 

 

“  why … why....why not me ?……”

 

 

I love you

 

It was never him

 

Taehyung wants to scream those words but his fears of rejection again

Stopping him , afraid the man will not remember all of this in the morning

Afraid this gorgeous man wouldn’t be his at the end

 

Afraid he was only wanted  him in a physical terms only…

 

He never experience love before , never experience to have his heart

Broken by a man

 

By a man he loves so bad

 

God , why this is so hard

 

but then suddenly—

 

The man collapsed

Literally fell to his knees on the wooden floor, hands trembling as they clutched

Taehyung’s waist, forehead pressed weakly to his stomach.

 

Taehyung’s breath broke into pieces…

 

“Hyung— what are you doing—”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Choose me,” he whispered, voice shaking violently

 

 

“Please… please choose me”

 

Taehyung froze, lips parted in shock….

 

heart beating so fast it hurt……

 

God, why he was like that ?,……. why he was drunk ?

 

Why he wouldn’t remember this in the morning …….

 

 

 

The man lifted his face

Eyes red….

Tears streaking down skin

Every wall gone

 

 

 

 

“I’m begging you,” he whispered brokenly

 

“Take me. ………Tell me you want me.

Tell me not to marry her… tell me to stay… 

tell me to run…. I don’t care…… just tell me you want me too…..”

 

 

 

 

Taehyung couldn’t answer, he only cried loudly now ,

Body shaking

 

 

Few minutes has passed , but Taehyung just kept crying

 

He didn’t know what he should do now ? , how he should tell this man

He had wanted him, still wanted him that hurt so bad

 

 

Taehyung swallowed hard through his tears

“Hyung…” he breathed, “please get up…..”

 

 

 

But the man only leaned closer 

his forehead pressing weakly to Taehyung’s stomach, breath warm through the fabric.

 

 

Taehyung’s knees shook….

 

He reached down without thinking, grabbing Jin’s shoulders, trying to lift him.

But Jin surged upward suddenly

grabbing Taehyung’s arm, pulling himself up

And before Taehyung could step back, their faces collided

Not a kiss…. not yet

Just breath

Hot, shaking, shared….

Their noses brushed

Taehyung froze

The man’s eyes lifted slowly,

dark and wet and open in a way that made Taehyung’s lungs burn.

 

“Taehyung-ah…”

The way he said his name, soft, desperate, felt like a hand around his heart.

 

 

Then he leaned in, slowly, like he was afraid Taehyung would run.

He didn’t move.

Couldn’t.,

And when the man’s lips finally touched his—

He inhaled sharply.

 

Jin’s lips parted, soft, uncertain, trembling….eyes closed

Taehyung couldn’t move or breath , he couldn’t kiss back

 

Few seconds had passed with Jin’s lips pressed against his softly ,

When he didn’t kiss back for more seconds, he felt the man breaking the touch ,

stepping back softly

 

 

 

He watched his face fell , slowly, painfully.

He understood the silence immediately

 

He nodded once, jaw tightening, tears collecting in his lashes.

 

“Okay…” he whispered, voice breaking into a whisper

“Okay..... I get it”

 

“Hyung— wait……” Taehyung stepped forward instinctively,

 heart slamming painfully inside his ribs.

 

But Jin only smiled , small, shattered. 

“You don’t have to explain”

He brushed past him gently,

fingertips grazing Taehyung’s wrist, lingering like they didn’t want to leave.

 

“You already answered.”

He then turned for the door.

 

 

And when the time comes… you decide if that love is something to fight for

 

 

 

 

 

But before he reaches the door , Taehyung grabbed his sleeve.

 

Turning him around hastily and before he could think his

Lips were pressed hard against him again ,

 

 

 

 

before he whisper

 

 

 

 

“Hyung, ….don’t go”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung couldn’t let his mind speak in that moment

so he let his lips do the talking instead.

 

All the past frustration, waiting, and longing for him came back in waves,

pouring into that desperate kiss.

He knew he should talk,

should let the anger out first,

should tell him everything he was holding inside

But he couldn’t

 

Not when he saw him this broken,

crying,

on his knees,

begging

 

Taehyung couldn’t

 

If this man wanted him like that,

then he would be that for him.

Even if Jin wouldn’t remember in the morning,

even if Taehyung’s own heart was bleeding for him ...

 

Taehyung wanted to give him what he wanted.

 

 

 

 

“You said you wanted me… and tonight I—I want to be yours…”

“Completely…”

 

 

 

When Jin’s hard body pressed him against Jimin’s closed front door,

Taehyung couldn’t resist kissing him back this time.

 

The kiss was clumsy, uncoordinated, desperate,

like both of them were drowning in their own feelings and wanting each other too much

 

Choose me

 

That’s what Taehyung wanted to whisper

 

He wanted to fall to his knees and beg too

 

Because he had just realized he had chosen this man a long time ago,

and kept choosing him again and again…

but he wasn’t sure if the man had ever chosen him back.

 

 

They were taking turns now,

each one pressing the other against Jimin’s hallway walls,

each one trying to dominate that wild kiss.

 

God, he had missed him

Missed being kissed like he was the only one Jin had the right to touch

 

Jin pushed him back against the wall again, and this time Taehyung didn’t fight.

He simply surrendered.

 

The kiss broke with a soft, wet sound,

Jin’s nose brushing his gently before he whispered against his lips:

“Look at me…”

 

When Taehyung opened his eyes slowly,

his breath hitched.

 

The man looked even more beautiful like this, ruined in that perfect black suit,

glowing under the hallway’s warm light,

eyes heavy with pain and longing.

 

Taehyung’s eyes stung.

He didn’t realize he was crying until the man's bandaged hand cupped his cheek,

and long fingers wiped away his tears so softly,

the complete opposite of the hard kiss they’d been sharing moments ago.

 

“Why are you… crying now?” he whispered

 

 

“I… because…”

Taehyung couldn’t find his words.

 

Because I love you

 

But he didn’t say it

 

They just looked at each other,

both of them breathing unevenly,

like they were trying to match each other’s rhythm.

 

“God… I missed you so bad,” Jin confessed in a broken voice

 

Taehyung’s heart slammed in his chest at those words

Instead of replying, he held Jin's hand on his cheek,

turning slightly to press a soft kiss to the trembling injured palm.

 

He hoped the man could see him through that touch

See everything he felt

See his heart

 

“I missed you too…” he whispered, nuzzling into that warm hand,

gazing up at him through shimmering tears.

 

The man made a low, trembling sound at that,

before his other hand came up to frame Taehyung’s face,

pulling him into another wild, consuming kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They were kissing frantically again in the middle of Jimin’s living room.

Taehyung didn’t even know how they got there, one moment, the man’s lips were on his,

desperate and trembling, and the next, Taehyung found himself stumbling backward under the pressure of the man’s mouth.

 

Jin’s arm curled tight around his waist, pulling him closer like he was afraid Taehyung might disappear.

His other hand,the bandaged one,never left his face, cupping his cheek gently even through the wildness of the kiss.

Before Taehyung could slow the kiss so they wouldn’t trip, his back hit something hard.,

The edge of the dining table

 

Right

Jimin’s open kitchen was right behind them.

 

He tried to guide the man toward the couch, somewhere they wouldn’t break bones,

but before he could move, Jin seized him again, turning him sharply and pressing him against the fridge.

 

The cold metal hit Taehyung’s spine, and he gasped, but Jin swallowed the sound instantly.

His kisses were frantic now, hot, fevered, unrestrained,

And when Jin bit his lower lip, Taehyung couldn’t stop the broken moan that slipped out.

 

God

What was he supposed to do?

 

Jin’s hands moved everywhere at once, clumsy with urgency,  trying to undo his own bow tie,

shrug off his jacket, tug at Taehyung’s hoodie, all with one functioning hand and a mouth that refused

to stop kissing him long enough to breathe.

 

Heat rushed through Taehyung’s whole body

 

Shit

 

He was getting hard

 

It was happening, no, it had already happened

 

But what if his hyung regretted all this tomorrow?

What if he woke up and acted like none of this ever happened?

 

 

Taehyung wouldn’t survive that heartbreak twice

 

His mind screamed at him to stop,

but his desperate heart pulled him deeper, whispering surrender.

 

Because he had promised himself he would only give his body to someone special…

to the man his heart chose…

under the name of love

 

But wasn’t this the man he had already chosen?

 

Yes

And God, he wanted him

He wanted to make love to him, wanted to give him everything

 

A mocking voice whispered somewhere inside him:

“Funny. You begged for this man long before you even knew it was love,

Accused him of running away… and now you’re the one running?”

 

Taehyung clenched his eyes shut

 

What if the man didn’t remember any of this tomorrow?

He wanted him to remember

He needed him to remember everything Taehyung was willing to give.

 

He was lost in that thought when suddenly the man lifted him,strong hands sliding under his thighs,

pulling him off the ground like he weighed nothing.

 

Their jackets and hoodie were already discarded on the floor

 

Before Taehyung could breathe, Jin set him down on the dining table,

kissing him like he had been starving for months.

 

Taehyung leaned back, trying to find balance so he could kiss him properly,

but the man  refused any distance,

He kept dragging Taehyung closer to the edge, refusing even a breath between them.

 

Taehyung whimpered softly when Jin’s hand slid under his shirt, hot against his burning skin.

This…

this was the first time he had ever seen him like this

 

The man chased his lips again when he tried to pull back to breathe.

 

“Hyun..ng—”

 

But Jin didn’t hear him

Or maybe he did, but couldn’t stop,

His mouth moved to Taehyung’s neck, open-mouthed kisses trailing along his skin,

sucking softly until Taehyung’s head fell back with a helpless moan.

His fingers curled into that perfect styled hair, ruining it completely.

 

God…

It seemed he couldn’t do anything tonight except surrender

 

Even if he wouldn’t remember this in the morning,

Taehyung would

He’d keep it cherished hidden in his heart forever

 

“Hy…ung…”

 

 

Jin lifted his head finally, eyes half-lidded, flushed, breath hot on Taehyung’s lips

 

 

“Yeah… baby,” he whispered

 

 

Taehyung’s heart split at the tenderness

 

He swallowed hard

 

“C-Can… can we… move to the couch instead?” he asked softly, fighting not to stutter.

 

Jin didn’t answer

 

He simply hauled Taehyung off the table—effortlessly—and turned toward the couch,

still kissing him like he couldn’t live without it.

 

God

 

Taehyung knew in that moment

 

He wouldn’t survive this side of the man.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Their kisses had slowed down a bit after they settled onto Jimin’s small couch.

The couch was too tiny for both of them, so Taehyung ended up sitting on Jin’s lap,

kissing down on him

He tried to match the man’s rhythm, but nervousness was crawling up his spine.

He didn’t know how far this night would go.

 

It was his first time… his first time in an intimate moment like this,  with his heart involved too.

 

and he was nervous because this will be the  first time to the man too , with another man

 

 

 

With Minjae, their relationship never reached this kind of intimacy

They did things here and there, but never sex

Taehyung had never actually gone that far with anyone before

He always said the first time should be for someone special

Jimin would always tease him, calling him his “pink princess” whenever Taehyung shared those thoughts.

 

But now, here he was, heart pounding,

lips swollen, sitting on the lap of the only man he ever truly wanted.

 

He could feel the man’s arousal under him because of the way he was sitting,

and Taehyung felt his nerves spike even higher.

 

He broke the kiss slowly, breathing hard

Jin leaned his head back against the couch, eyes half-open,

hair messy, lips red and swollen.

Taehyung felt his cheeks flush under that gaze

 

Without even thinking, his fingers moved on their own

They slid gently through Jin’s soft strands, brushing them away from his forehead.

The elder’s eyes fluttered closed at the touch

 

“Are you okay… hyung?” Taehyung whispered when he noticed his flushed face.

His breath was shallow, like he was fighting sleep, drunkenness, and emotion all at once.

 

the man only hummed in response

 

“Do you… want to lie down for a bit?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They eventually ended up on the floor of the living room with a pile of blankets from Jimin’s storage room.

Taehyung didn’t feel right them sleeping on Jimin’s bed,  especially when Jimin himself wasn’t home.

 

 

So he arranged blankets and pillows on the floor, fussing quietly,

making sure the space was warm enough.

 

The heater clicked on with a soft hum,  thank God

 

 

He kept throwing worried glances at the elder man,

who was still slumped against the couch, eyes closed, body shivering faintly

 

Is he cold?

God… how much did he drink tonight?

 

 

The night air was freezing, so Taehyung double, checked the heater,

adjusting it until the room warmed enough to melt the chill.

 

Finally, when everything was ready, he let out a long, shaky sigh and looked back at him

 

The man hadn’t moved..

 

He was still leaning against the couch, eyes closed, breaths slow and uneven

 

Taehyung stepped closer

 

“Hyung…” he called softly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They were sitting facing each other on the mattress of blankets now, kissing softly

 

Taehyung had thought the man would pass out the moment his head touched a pillow,

but it seemed he had fought his hazy mind just enough to grab Taehyung’s waist again,

dragging him into another kiss the second he leaned close.

 

Taehyung’s whole body froze when he felt the man catch his right hand and guide it toward

the buttons of his own shirt—wordlessly asking him to undress him.

 

God

It was happening

 

 

Taehyung tried not to panic, not when the man was still kissing him like he was starved,

like he had been holding this in for months.

But Taehyung’s heart was pounding too hard—nervous, overwhelmed, terrified and wanting all at once.

 

 

When he broke the kiss, he looked up at him under the dim glow of the small table lamp.

The man’s face was scattered—eyes glassy, lips swollen,

hair messy in soft strands—yet somehow he looked even more beautiful in that warm light.

 

 

“Hyung… are you—”

“I want to be yours”

The man cut him off, voice thick, breath shaky.

 

 

 

Taehyung felt his heart slam painfully against his ribs.

God

 

He wanted to ask

Will you regret this?

Will you hate me tomorrow?

Please don’t hate me…

 

 

But instead he leaned in and kissed him again—because he couldn’t say any of it out loud without breaking.

 

When he pulled back again, he looked down at his trembling fingers as they moved slowly to undo the buttons of the his shirt.

 

He could feel the man watching him closely, breath warm,

but Taehyung couldn’t meet his eyes. Not now. Not when he was this scared

 

He had only opened three buttons when he heard it—

 

A soft, broken sob

 

Taehyung’s heart dropped

 

“Hyung…?” he whispered, cupping the man’s face with both hands

 

“I’m sorry… I—I can’t,” Jin choked out, voice cracking.

“I’m so sorry… please forgive me…”

 

 

 

His voice broke completely as he started crying harder, breath hitching, shoulders trembling.

Taehyung felt something inside him shatter...

 

He had never seen him cry like this

Never heard him sound so lost

 

Before he could even think, Taehyung pulled him into his arms—holding him tight,

closing his arms around those wide shaking shoulders, pressing Jin’s face against his chest.

 

 

God, he hated himself now for pushing too far...

Hated her

Hated the man's father—even before meeting him

 

Hated anyone who had ever made this man cry like this

 

 

Taehyung’s arms tightened protectively around him,

one hand moving through his hair, the other rubbing slow circles on his back,soft, soothing,just letting him break.

 

And Jin broke

 

He cried against Taehyung’s chest softly at first,

then louder, the hiccups shaking his whole body.

Taehyung didn’t move

Didn’t speak

Just held him tighter...

 

 

They stayed just like that for a long time—until the sobs finally calmed into quiet, shaky breaths.

 

Jin’s damp face was still pressed to his chest, Taehyung’s fingers still stroking gently through his hair and down his back.

Only when the trembling had eased fully did Taehyung slowly pull back, holding his hands instead

 

“Feeling better, hyung…?” he whispered

 

Jin only nodded once. His hair had fallen messily over his eyes,

making him look younger, smaller… painfully lost

 

“Do you want a painkiller? Do you feel sick?”

 

 

 

Jin shook his head softly. He wasn’t looking at Taehyung, only at their joined hands,

like he was afraid to lift his eyes

 

Taehyung let out a soft sigh

 

“Okay…” he murmured gently, brushing the hair from the man’s forehead

“Let’s lay you down, hm?”

 

He guided him slowly toward the blankets, heart aching with something too big to name.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They lay down together on their sides, facing each other, only a small of space between them.

Jin’s drunken face looked seconds away from sleep, yet he fought it stubbornly,

glassy eyes fixed on Taehyung's with a softness that made Taehyung’s cheeks heat.

 

He returned that gentle smile, feeling all the tangled emotions inside him unravel slowly, one by one.

Jin lifted a shaky hand to cup his face, fingertips brushing delicately under Taehyung’s eyes.

He took a slow inhale before whispering, voice low and unguarded:

 

“God… you’re so beautiful..... It drives me crazy”

 

Taehyung’s heart slammed painfully against his ribs

 

You too, he wanted to say

But he only lowered his gaze instead, suddenly shy at the attention

It was the first time the man had ever said something like that to him

Taehyung always knew he was attractive, people often told him so,

but hearing it from the man he was in love with… it felt different.

Dangerously different

 

His eyes drifted down to the opened collar of Jin’s shirt,

the stretch of flushed skin at his neck exposed.

Taehyung wanted to lean forward and kiss it again..

Instead, he whispered softly,

“Try to sleep, hyung”

 

Jimin’s apartment was incredibly quiet , only the hum of the heater and their uneven breathing filling the space.

Taehyung watched Jin finally close his eyes, surrendering to exhaustion,

his warm palm still resting on Taehyung’s cheek.

He gently took that hand, pressed a small kiss to it,

then placed it on the blanket between them, holding it there.

 

He stayed awake, watching him breathe.

Watching him just… exist

 

And slowly, the truth slipped into place inside him

 

You’re in love, babo-ya

 

God… he loved this man

Deeply

Hopelessly

Already too much

 

He had been in love for a long time , he realized that now.

 

Since the first time he saw him standing on their porch steps months ago,

wearing a crisp white shirt, broad shoulders framed by the soft afternoon light,

military buzz cut, gentle brown eyes, and an even gentler voice.

 

How could anyone not fall in love with a man like that?

 

He fell in love before they even made that stupid agreement

Before the touches, before the jealousy, before the kisses in the dark

All that tension, the possessiveness, the frustration,

the way Taehyung burned every time he saw him with her…

 

It wasn’t just desire

It wasn’t just attraction

 

It was love

That’s why everything hurt so much

 

He didn’t know it then because he had never been in love before

He didn’t know how it looked or how it felt

 

Jimin’s words circled endlessly in his mind:

“You just didn’t know what it looked like because you’ve never been in love before”

 

Taehyung knew he needed time , time to heal, time to sort through everything,

time to understand himself.

But tonight… tonight he allowed himself to feel it completely.

Allowed himself to drown in every emotion tearing through his chest

as he lay beside the man who held his heart so effortlessly.

 

His man

 

 

Feeling warm and strangely giddy,

He scooted closer until their foreheads nearly touched,

until he felt the man's soft breath ghost across his lips.

Until their noses brushed gently..

 

 

In the smallest whisper, Taehyung let the words escape:

 

“I think I’m in love with you…”

 

 

He opened his eyes carefully...

 

Jin was still asleep...

 

Didn’t stir, didn’t open his eyes ,  only his lashes trembled,

and a soft shudder ran through him in his sleep.

 

Taehyung bit his lip, feeling his heart burst painfully and beautifully inside him.

 

His first confession… and the man didn’t hear it.

 

Maybe it was better that way , for now

 

He reached down to button Jin’s half-open shirt properly, covering the man’s shivering body with the blanket.

His ears burned when he remembered their earlier heated kisses,

the desperation, the way he pressed him against the wall like he couldn’t breathe without him.

 

A part of him felt disappointed things didn’t go further...

But another part of him felt relief , he wasn’t ready yet,

not with everything inside him still tangled and raw.

 

He leaned forward, pressing the softest kiss to the man's swollen unaware lips

 

 

 

 

“Sleep well… my love”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

Sigh..

 

That was the toughest chapter I ever wrote until now. I was hesitant for a long time...

 

**This scene was inspired by my fav “Lovestruck in the City”

 

Thanks for reading ❤️‍🩹

Chapter 33: My Foolish Heart

Notes:

*Taehyung IG's story "My Foolish heart - Bill Evans Trio"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung woke up to warmth

 

A deep, quiet kind of warmth that didn’t belong to Jimin’s drafty apartment,

nor to the small heater humming tiredly in the corner.

It was a warmth wrapped around him , steady, heavy and familiar.

 

His lashes fluttered as he blinked away sleep

 

The first thing he felt was breath… warm against the top of his head

The second was a heartbeat, slow and deep, vibrating through the broad chest his cheek was resting on.

The third,

Taehyung froze, breath catching

 

A strong arm was around his waist

Not loosely or  casually

But holding him, like Jin’s body had refused to let go even in sleep.

 

Taehyung didn’t move at first

 

He just lay there, letting the moment settle into his bones

 

 

Somehow, at some point during the night,

they had moved closer. Now Taehyung was tucked tightly against him, head under the man's jaw,

their legs tangled under the heavy blankets. Outside, the winter dawn looked cold and grey through Jimin’s window,

 

but here , here it was warm

 

Taehyung didn’t move

Didn’t dare

 

He just swallowed softly, his chest tightening with something too tender to name.

He shifted just a little, careful not to wake him

Now his forehead brushed directly against his throat, and his heart nearly burst

 

He could feel the man’s soft pulses under his skin…

could smell the faint traces of his cologne mixed with sleep, alcohol, and something warm and heartbreakingly familiar.

 

Jin’s jaw rested lightly against the top of his head, like his body had molded itself to Taehyung’s shape through the night.

 

God

 

Taehyung closed his eyes again, breathing him in

 

This was dangerous, because—

This was everything he’d ever wanted.

 

Jin’s fingers twitched once at his waist, tightening unconsciously,

pulling him a bit closer , as if he feared Taehyung might slip away again.

 

A small, helpless smile bloomed on Taehyung’s lips

 

His heart felt too full. Too soft. Too painfully, stupidly in love.

 

Every memory of last night replayed in slow motion 

his trembling voice…

His ruined eyes…

His desperate confession…

Their kisses, their longing, their aching…

 

And then…

 

Taehyung’s own whispered truth, finally spoken into the quiet dark:

 

“I think I am in love with you"

 

 

He bit his lip now, feeling heat rise to his cheeks even though Jin hadn’t heard it.

 

At least…

At least not while awake.

 

He lay there, letting his eyes trace the soft curve of Jin’s throat,

the slow rise and fall of his chest, the faint scent of his cologne still clinging to his skin.

His mind felt strangely quiet, like everything inside him had finally fallen into place.

 

I love him

 

It didn’t scare him anymore

 

Not after last night

 

Taehyung lifted his head a little , just enough to see the man's face properly in the faint morning light leaking through the curtains.

 

He looked younger like this

Unarmored

Soft in a way he never allowed himself to be when the world watched

 

Brows relaxed

Swollen lips slightly parted

Hair messy from Taehyung’s fingers, falling over his forehead

 

The faint shadows under his eyes were still there, but the tension — the constant tightness Taehyung was used to seeing , was gone.

 

He looked peaceful

 

Taehyung’s heart clenched painfully

 

So fragile

So beautiful

 

So his

 

 

 

Taehyung didn’t move

Didn’t even breathe for a moment

He just watched him

 

God… he was beautiful

 

And Taehyung’s heart , it felt full. Too full.

 

He stayed like that for a while, eyes tracing every line of the man’s face, replaying last night in flashes he could barely control.

 

The whispered confessions

The way Jin held him like he was the only thing keeping him alive.

 

Taehyung swallowed hard, chest tightening painfully

 

He loved him

He really… loved him

 

He reached out without thinking, brushing a soft strand of hair off the man’s forehead.

The touch was feather-light, almost reverent

 

“Hyung…” he whispered, though he didn’t intend to wake him

 

Jin didn’t stir, just exhaled softly — breath brushing Taehyung’s cheek

 

Taehyung bit his lip, heart clenching fondly

 

He gently tried to close his slightly parted lips

 

“Seokjin-ah…” he whispered

 

He almost giggled , the man would scold him for dropping honorifics if he were awake.

 

But Jin was still deep in sleep

 

Taehyung let himself smile

 

Small, shy, overflowing

 

He tucked himself back into his arms, cheek pressed to that warm chest again, eyes falling closed.

 

He stayed like that for a long time — listening to the steady heartbeat under his ear, letting it soothe him, anchor him.

 

For the first time in months…

for the first time since everything broke at the campsite…

 

Taehyung felt safe

 

He felt whole

 

He felt loved — even if Jin hadn’t said it

 

Even if morning might change everything

 

Still…

 

He whispered softly into the quiet warmth between them:

 

“Please… don’t let this be a dream”

 

And held him a little tighter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He stayed like that, still and breathless, until Jin shifted slightly,

humming under his breath — arms tightening unconsciously around his waist before his lashes fluttered open.

 

Taehyung looked up just in time to see the elder blink sleepily at the ceiling — then down at him.

 

For a few seconds, he simply smiled , sleepy, warm , the kind of smile that made Taehyung blush and look away.

 

Soft, dreamy and fond

Like he really thought Taehyung was a dream he didn’t want to wake from

 

He reached up, still half-asleep, brushing a stray strand of hair from Taehyung’s eyes with the gentlest touch Taehyung had ever felt.

 

Taehyung flushed immediately, heat blooming under his skin.

 

“Morning…” Jin whispered, voice husky from sleep and liquor.

 

Taehyung’s breath caught. He felt himself turn red.

 

“Morning…” he whispered shyly.

 

And that was when everything changed,

 

Jin’s eyes flew open , fully, sharply , panic flashing through them as reality slammed back.

 

Like he just realized he wasn’t dreaming anymore

 

He blinked rapidly and jolted upright , too fast , nearly slipping off the blanket pile.

He hissed in pain when his weight landed on his injured hand.

 

“Hyung!” Taehyung scrambled forward, catching his shoulders

 

“Careful, lov—… hyung,” he corrected quickly, face flushing

 

Jin didn’t seem to notice. His chest was rising and falling fast, eyes darting around the unfamiliar apartment.

 

He looked at Taehyung like he wasn’t sure if he was real

 

“What… where—? Taehyung… how did I… get here?” he stuttered, eyes wide, confused, terrified

 

He didn’t remember

 

Of course he didn’t

 

 

Taehyung swallowed hard, gently taking Jin’s wounded hand in his own, checking the bandages.

 

“You came last night… you were drunk,” he said softly, thumb brushing carefully along the edge of the dressing.

 

Jin’s throat bobbed as he stared at him

 

And Taehyung saw the moment the elder remembered something , not clearly, but pieces

Like he was trying so hard to remember last night’s events

 

Taehyung saw the moment it crashed back into him

 

Shards of guilt flickered across Jin’s face so fast Taehyung barely caught them

 

“Hyung… it’s okay,” he whispered, reaching out instinctively , then stopping himself mid-air,

unsure if he was allowed to touch him anymore.

 

Jin squeezed his eyes shut, pressing his good hand over them

 

“I’m… sorry,” he muttered. “I don’t remember everything. I don’t— I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t have involved you in my mess”

 

Taehyung’s chest tightened painfully

He wanted to say, You’re not a mess

He wanted to say, You can always come to me

He wanted to say, I love you

 

Instead, he swallowed the words

 

“It’s fine, hyung. You weren’t feeling well. I just… didn’t want to leave you alone”

Jin finally looked at him then  and Taehyung felt his knees weaken even though he was sitting down.

his gaze was Soft.,confused,..Hurting.

And still… so tender

 

“…Thank you,” Jin whispered

 

The silence stretched between them, heavy but not suffocating this time , like they were both afraid to breathe wrong.

 

He tried to stand, swaying from the hangover. Taehyung reached out fast and steadied him gently by the elbow.

 

“Just… sit,” he murmured. “I’ll get you water. And something light to eat”

 

Jin didn’t argue

 

He sat on the edge of the blanket, head in his hand like he was trying to hold himself together,

while Taehyung moved around the kitchen quietly ,soft steps, soft touches, soft breaths.

 

Jin watched him from behind his fingers

 

The way Taehyung tied his hair back, the way he reached for a cup,

the way he moved with such quiet care… like he was afraid of disturbing him.

 

Jin’s chest ached

 

A deep, guilty, longing ache

 

He didn’t deserve this gentleness

He didn’t deserve Taehyung

 

But God… he’d missed him

 

So much more than he could ever admit

 

 

Taehyung placed the warm tea and a painkiller in front of him with trembling hands.

“Drink this,” he whispered, eyes lowered.

“It’ll help the headache”

 

Jin looked at the cup

Then at Taehyung

 

And something inside him cracked, quietly

 

“…I’m sorry,” he whispered again, voice almost breaking.

 

Taehyung shook his head softly

“Don’t. Not today”

 

For the first time since waking, Jin’s shoulders loosened , just a little

 

There would be time later for the truth

For heartbreak

For choices they were both terrified of

 

But for now —

 

there was only the soft morning light, the warmth of blankets,

 

and Taehyung moving gently around the kitchen like he belonged there.

 

Like he belonged with him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The small kitchen smelled like toasted bread, eggs, and freshly brewed coffee — but Jin only smelled him:

 

 

warm skin, soft shampoo, the faint sweetness he had memorized.

 

Taehyung moved gently, almost shyly, as if afraid any loud sound would break the fragile morning holding them together.

 

Taehyung finally placed the food on the table

 

“Come here, hyung… sit,” he said softly, guiding him by the arm so he wouldn’t hurt his injured hand.

 

Jin obeyed silently, swallowing the lump in his throat

 

Taehyung sat beside him instead of across, their knees brushing, close enough that the warmth seeped into Jin’s bones.

 

He could barely hold the chopsticks properly with his bandaged hand, and Taehyung noticed immediately.

“Give me,” he murmured

 

Before Jin could protest, Taehyung picked up the chopsticks himself and lifted a small bite to his lips

 

“Hyung… please eat”

 

Jin opened his mouth helplessly

 

And the moment the food touched his tongue

something inside him cracked. Not because of the taste, but because of the tenderness.

 

Because it felt like someone was still choosing him 

 

Taking care of him.

 

Loving him in all the small quiet ways he had been starving for.

 

— which was absurd

 

 

His eyes burned

 

He blinked hard, but a tear slipped anyway

 

Taehyung froze

“Hyung…?”

 

God, that gentle voice

 

Jin shook his head, smiling in that small, broken way.

“I’m okay… just—”

 

A soft breath escaped him

 

Jin almost lost it again

 

While they ate, Jin kept stealing glances ,

the soft line of Taehyung’s jaw, the way he bit his lip when concentrating,

 

the way he turned every few minutes to check on him.

 

Warm and careful

So Taehyung

 

His Taehyung

 

 

 

By the time breakfast ended, Jin felt both full and hollow

 

Because the more he soaked in this quiet domestic feeling, the more reality crawled back

Like a hand tightening around his throat.

 

His right hand moved unconsciously to his pocket…

Touching the cold metal hidden there.

 

The ring

 

The engagement ring Hana put on his finger last night ,

the same ring he ripped off in the car and shoved in his pocket before coming here.

 

 

God

 

He closed his fingers around it, heart twisting painfully

 

Taehyung didn’t notice; he was wiping the pan, humming softly under his breath.

 

Looking so beautiful in the morning light.

 

And then—

 

Jin saw it:

A faint red hickey on Taehyung’s neck.

 

Jin had to look away.

 

A memory hit him, sharp and scattered:

God, I missed you so bad.

His own voice

Desperate

Broken

Taehyung’s breath against his lips.

Wet, frantic kisses.

 

And then—

 

Jin inhaled sharply, fingers tightening around the ring.

 

What had he done last night?

 

 

 

 

Taehyung turned, drying his hands.

“Hyung? Are you okay?”

 

Jin swallowed hard.

No

He wasn’t

He was the farthest thing from okay

 

But sitting here, with Taehyung’s soft morning eyes on him, the warmth of breakfast lingering in the air…

He wished, desperately, he could stay like this forever.

 

That he could pretend his harsh world didn’t exist

That he belonged here, beside him

That he was allowed to love him

 

Jin forced a shaky smile

 

“I’m… okay,” he lied gently

 

But his eyes were already filling again.

 

Taehyung’s expression softened instantly — worried, tender, close enough to touch.

 

Jin looked at him and his heart trembled violently, making it hard to breathe.

 

Why can’t I choose you?

 

Why can’t life be simple?

 

And yet…

 

This moment ,  soft breakfast, warm hands, quiet care , felt like the closest thing to happiness he’d had in years.

 

And he didn’t want to let go

 

Not yet

Not now

But instead…

he stood abruptly.

 

Taehyung looked up at him, confused.

 

“I… I need to go”

 

“What— but… we… I mean… I… hyung…” Taehyung stuttered nervously.

 

But Jin didn’t let him finish

 

He grabbed his jacket and left Jimin’s house

 

Not looking back

 

He ran away

 

 

 

 

Again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The apartment hallway was painfully bright when Jin stepped in that afternoon.

His head still throbbed from the hangover; his heart hurt even more.

A few hours ago, he had woken up in Taehyung’s arms…

Now reality felt cold again.

He approched his door with a sigh—

only to freeze

Someone was standing there.

A tall figure, hands awkwardly clasped around a bouquet of white peonies.

 

Yeonjun

 

His eyes widened the moment he saw him

“Sun— Hyung…” he corrected softly, bowing fast

 

Yeonjun stood there

A bouquet of white freesias in one hand, a black envelope in the other.

His expression was a mix of surprise and something like worry.

 

“I— Mr. Choi asked me to deliver the engagement gift,” he explained softly,

lifting the envelope. “And… I wanted to congratulate you in person”

 

Jin’s heart clenched painfully

 

Congratulations

 

He had spent the morning wishing he could stay in Taehyung’s arms forever,

and now someone was congratulating him for belonging to someone else.

 

“Oh,” Jin managed, voice tight. “Thank you "

 

Yeonjun swallowed, eyes flickering over him.

 

“You look tired,” he said gently

 

Jin laughed once, a small, dry sound. “I didn’t sleep well”

 

Which was true—

He slept beautifully, but his heart didn’t.

“Can I come in?” Yeonjun asked.

 

Jin stepped aside

 

“Of course ....Come in”

 

Yeonjun hesitated, then entered quietly—

like he knew this home was full of ghosts today.

 

They sat at the edge of his couch, a careful distance between them.

 

The freesias lay on the table now, their soft scent strangely painful in the room.

 

Yeonjun fiddled with the cuff of his sleeve before he spoke.

 

nervous but sincere.

 

Then, finally…

 

“Hyung,” he said softly, “can I ask something?”

 

Jin looked up

 

Yeonjun’s gaze was gentle, hesitant, but steady

 

“…What about  him?”  he let a soft breath then   "T....aehyung? "

 

Silence

 

Jin went still.

Like someone pressed fingers sharply over a bruise.

The room felt suddenly too small—too bright—too quiet.

 

His hand trembled, slipping over his mouth as if trying to hold in everything at once.

Yeonjun panicked slightly—

“Hyung—? Did I—”

“No,” Jin whispered, voice shaking

“You didn’t say anything wrong.”

He leaned back, eyes glistening, breath shaky.

“It’s just… I don’t know how to talk about him without falling apart”

 

Yeonjun didn’t speak

He only sat straighter, giving him the space,

the silent permission

to say everything.

 

Jin exhaled shakily

“He was… everything,” he began, voice rough

“And I ruined it. I ruined everything”

 

Yeonjun waited

 

Jin looked down at his bandaged hand

“I loved him,” he whispered

A confession he had never spoken out loud to anyone.

Not even to himself until last night

“And I think… I still do. God, I do”

 

His breath caught

 

“He was with someone else,” Jin whispered

“And I still went to him. I still begged him to choose me”

 

Yeonjun’s eyes softened painfully

 

“You must have been hurting a lot,” he said, so gently it nearly broke Jin again.

 

Jin let out a weak laugh—almost a sob

“Hurt doesn’t even begin to describe it”

 

“I don’t know how to stop loving him”

 

Yeonjun’s eyes softened

 

“I don’t know how to exist without him” Jin whispered.

“Every day I tell myself I should move on. That I should choose the life my family wants.

 

That I should let him be happy with someone else.”

His breath shook

 

“But every time I see him… every time I think of him… it feels like—”

His voice broke

“—like something in me is dying”

He looked at Yeonjun then ,at the young man who somehow ended up witnessing the rawest parts of him without judgment.

 

“You’re the only person who knows,” Jin admitted quietly.

“I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this, but… I feel like I can breathe around you”

 

Yeonjun’s heart clenched

His lips parted, but he swallowed his words

 

Because none of them were appropriate

 

Not when Jin was in love with someone else

Not when he was hurting so much

 

Yeonjun didn’t reach for him

He didn’t say empty comforting words

 

He simply nodded… slowly, deeply… acknowledging the pain

 

“You love him,” he murmured

 

Jin laughed, broken

“Too much”

 

“And he?” Yeonjun asked quietly. “Does he know?”

 

Jin looked away, his eyes glassy

 

“No,” he whispered. “And even if he did… I don’t deserve him”

 

Silence stretched between them—soft, understanding silence

 

 

Yeonjun leaned back slightly, undoing the top button of his shirt, letting out a small sigh

 

“Sunbaenim,” he said quietly, “you can tell me anything. I may not know you well yet, but…”

He offered a tiny smile

“…I want to. You don’t have to hold this alone”

 

Jin blinked at him, surprised

 

He hadn’t realized how desperately he needed someone—anyone—not from his family,

not from Taehyung’s circle,  to just simply listen

 

He breathed out a trembling sigh

 

“Thank you, Yeonjun-ah”

 

The younger’s name slipped from his mouth gently, sincerely

 

Yeonjun lowered his head, hiding a blush

 

Jin didn’t notice

He only noticed the fragile swelling in his own chest—the relief of finally saying the truth out loud.

 

For the first time in months…

he didn’t feel completely alone

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He shouldn’t have come,

 

He hadn’t meant to come here.

 

He told himself he just needed to check if the man got home safely,

 

needed to make sure he didn’t collapse somewhere alone with that injured hand,

 

needed… something

 

He just needed to see him

Just needed to make sure he was okay after last night… after everything.

But the moment he reached the familiar doorstep, he froze

 

The man wasn’t alone

 

Standing in front of his apartment door

 

And someone else’s arms around him

 

A young man, handsome, sharply dressed, holding a bouquet of flowers,

leaning close into Jin’s shoulder in an embrace.

 

Taehyung froze

 

His breath dropped straight out of his chest

 

A harmless hug

 

But Taehyung’s blood went cold anyway

 

The stranger stepped back politely, bowing  "Take care hyung "

 

Hyung

 

 

The word sliced through Taehyung’s chest before he could stop it

 

The hallway blurred for a second, heat rising in his face,

in his ears, in his throat. His fingers curled until his nails dug into his palms.

 

And then Jin saw him

 

Like the world snapped back into place

 

he stiffened, abruptly pulling away from the young man the moment he turned and finally saw Taehyung standing there.

 

“Taehyung…” Jin whispered, voice cracking.

 

 

The younger stepped forward automatically, instinctively,

planting himself closer to Jin’s side without even realizing he did it.

 

A silent claim. A reflex he couldn’t stop

He didn’t look at the stranger again

 

The younger man—that man—stepped back, startled.

 

He bowed to Taehyung politely

 

“Sorry for intruding. I’ll head back now, Sunbaenim”

 

Taehyung forced a polite nod, rigid, expression blank but eyes burning

Jin watched him leave with a tight smile… and Taehyung watched Jin

 

Watched how he exhaled shakily when the door closed

 

Watched how guilt flickered on the elder’s face

 

Watched how something inside him snapped

 

The hallway felt too small suddenly

 

Yeonjun had barely left the building lobby when Taehyung finally took a full breath

 

The man entire expression changed, panic rising, guilt washing over his features.

But Taehyung couldn’t see anything except that image burning behind his eyes.

 

him in someone else’s arms.

 

Again

 

Was it that why he left that morning without looking back ?

 

“Who was that?” Taehyung’s voice was too soft, too controlled, than he intended, breath shaking.

 

He hated how it trembled

 

Jin swallowed

“A colleague… he just came to deliver—”

 

“Why were you hugging him?”

 

Jin blinked, startled. “Taehyung-ah, it—it wasn’t—”

 

“Is he your boyfriend? Did you… come out already?”

Taehyung whispered bitterly, stepping closer, eyes shining.

 

“Or was it just for him?”

 

“What?-Jin lifted both hands, trying to calm him. “No. No, it’s not like that—Taehyung, please—”

 

But the younger couldn’t listen anymore.

 

The jealousy, the hurt, the sleepless night, the fear of losing him — all of it burst at once the moment the last latch of self-control snapped.

 

 

“Please what?”

Taehyung’s chest was rising too fast, breath tight, burning.

“You disappear this morning. You run from me. And then I come here—worried sick—and you’re—”

 

His voice cracked, turning into a whisper.

 

“—you’re in someone else’s arms again”

 

Jin’s face fell, eyes filled with something desperate. “Taehyung,..."

 

 

Taehyung took off his coat slowly, waiting… hoping…

 

for an explanation.

 

It didn’t come

 

Not until Jin finally exhaled, voice thin.

 

“Taehyung… we shouldn’t meet anymore”

 

 

 

"What-"

 

“Why do you keep doing this to me?” Taehyung started to cry suddenly  , voice breaking open

“Why do you keep choosing everyone else but me?”

 

Jin flinched, 

“Taehyung—”

 

“I waited—”

A sob shook out of him

“I kept waiting for you to say something… anything. And you—you keep running.

Or hiding. Or hurting me without even knowing”

 

 

Jin swallowed, eyes on the floor, voice heavy and resigned:

 

“I’m… getting married”

 

Taehyung froze

 

 

 

It was quiet

 

The kind of quiet that kills

 

For a moment Taehyung stood completely still,

like his heart was trying to understand the words before it chose to break

 

 

 

 

Married

 

 

 

 

Choose me

 

 

 

you have said you wanted me .. and tonight I …I want to be yours …….

 

 

I want you

 

I don’t love her,  I never did

 

 

 

 

His hyung was getting married

 

He didn’t blink or breathe or move —

he just stared at Jin, who couldn’t even look at him

 

Taehyung stepped back, almost stumbling

 

"What ?-"

 

he felt the room spined around him again

 

Then something inside him snapped

 

A quiet shatter

 

He stepped closer, without thinking, without breathing, standing between Jin and the world like he was claiming territory he had no right to claim.

 

“…so that’s it?” he whispered, tears keeps falling over his face 

 

Taehyung stepped forward again, chest rising and falling erratically.

“Did you come to end it? To say goodbye? To make it easier before you put on a ring for someone else? Is that it?”

His vision blurred

His heart hammered painfully

 

Jin reached out, gently,trying to hold his arm, his voice breaking

 

“Taehyung, please… let me explain—”

 

But Taehyung shoved his hand away, fists pounding weakly—angrily—against Jin’s chest.

 

 

 

 

Jin finally looked at him then

Just for a second

And Taehyung wished he hadn’t —

because the pain in that gaze was too much, too raw, too real

 

 

It made everything hurt even more

 

 

I’m a coward

 

 

 

Taehyung’s throat closed

 

“You… you kissed me,” he whispered bitterly

“You came crying to me… you said you missed me… and now you’re standing here telling me you are getting married ?”

 

Jin inhaled sharply, “Taehyung-ah, please, listen—”

 

“No”

The word choked out of Taehyung before he could stop it

 

“No, hyung, don’t do this. Don’t—”

His voice cracked, breath shaking as he tried to swallow the tears burning his eyes

 

And then the dam broke

 

He pushed Jin’s chest with both hands — not hard enough to hurt,

but enough to show all the pain inside him.

 

“How could you?”

Another push

“How could you come to me like that?”

He hit Jin’s chest again, fists trembling

“Why did you kiss me if you’re marrying someone else?”

Another hit, softer this time, breaking

“You’re so cruel—”

 

 

Jin grabbed both of Taehyung’s wrists then, not roughly,

but like he was afraid Taehyung would crumble if he didn’t hold him together.

 

His voice wavered

“I’m trying to do what’s right”

 

Taehyung shook his head, tears falling faster now

“What’s right for who?!”

His voice cracked

“For you? For her? For them?”

 

He hit Jin’s chest again with both fists, but it was weak now

More like pleading than striking

 

“And what about me…?” he whispered

“What about what I feel…?”

 

Jin didn’t answer

 

He just stood there, breathing hard, trembling, eyes glistening like they held a whole ocean of regret.

Taehyung’s voice was barely a breath when it came out next.

 

“Say it’s just desire”

He swallowed

 

“Say last night meant nothing”

 

Jin squeezed his eyes shut

“I can’t”

 

 

“Then why—!”   Taehyung broke completely, voice shaking apart

“Why are you doing this to me?!”

 

Silence

 

Painfully quiet

 

And then Jin whispered—

 

“Because if you stay… I won’t be able to walk away”

 

The confession sliced through Taehyung

Through both of them

 

Taehyung stood frozen, breath trembling, heart stumbling painfully in his chest

 

Then—

 

 

 

 

“Taehyung,” Jin whispered, voice breaking, reaching for him

 

Taehyung slapped his hands away violently

 

“Don’t touch me!”

He was sobbing now

 

“You don’t get to touch me and then tell me to forget you!”

 

Jin looked shattered, like Taehyung’s tears were knives

 

“Taehyung-ah… please… I didn’t mean—”

 

“YES YOU DID!” Taehyung yelled through tears

“Yes, you did. You knew what you were doing

 

You knew I—”

 

He bit his lip hard, but the truth forced itself out, raw and helpless:

“I love you, you cruel man!”

 

Everything stopped

 

Jin’s breath died in his throat

His knees wavered

His eyes filled immediately, painfully

 

“Taehyung…” he whispered, barely audible

 

But Taehyung shook his head, crying harder, weak fists keep hitting him

“I love you,”   "I love you " he repeated, broken..

 

“And I hate that I do. I hate that you’re marrying someone else...

I hate that you came to me yesterday.....I hate that I saw you hugging someone -else

I hate that I can’t stop choosing you even when you keep destroying me”

 

......I hate you "

 

 

 

Jin reached out with a shaking hand, like he desperately wanted to cup Taehyung’s face but didn’t dare touch him.

“Please don’t say you hate—”

 

 

 

The words never finished

 

Taehyung choked on a sob and grabbed Jin’s collar ,

pulling him down, crushing their mouths together

 

The kiss was nothing like last night

No heat, no hunger

 

Just heartbreak

Just desperation

Just love

 

Jin kissed him back instantly, fiercely, almost violently—like a man drowning and Taehyung was the only air he had left.

His hands gripped Taehyung’s waist so tightly the younger whimpered, but he didn’t pull away.

Couldn’t

Taehyung tasted tears

His or Jin’s—he didn’t know

Didn’t care

 

It was their last kiss

 

They both knew it

 

Their breaths broke as they tearfully kissed through the ache,

through the truth, through everything they weren’t brave enough to say sooner.

 

When they finally tore apart, their foreheads pressed together,

breathing each other in like it was the last breath either of them would ever take.

 

Taehyung whispered first, voice trembling and raw

“…I love you so much”

 

Jin’s eyes squeezed shut, pain carving through every part of him

 

His reply came out shattered

“…please don’t"

 

Taehyung’s heart split so violently he felt it physically

 

He let go first

 

Hands falling

Body trembling

Tears sliding down his cheeks in silent defeat

 

He turned away, steps stumbling, vision blurry—

and left.

 

The door closed gently behind him

 

Jin stood frozen for exactly three seconds

 

Then he collapsed

 

Fell to his knees, hands shaking, breath breaking in painful chokes as the realization slammed into him—

 

Taehyung loved him

And now he had to let him go

 

He bowed his head to the cold floor, tears spilling freely

 

“I’m sorry…”

His voice cracked into a sob

“I’m so sorry, Taehyung-ah…”

 

He had lost Taehyung

 

His Taehyung

 

And now he knew that the boy had loved him too

 

But it was too late

 

 

 

Much too late

 

 

Notes:

I am so sorry Taejin...please hold for a bit more..

Chapter 34: Nothing Without Your Love

Summary:

"Even the reasons for existing
존재하는 이유들조차

Completed the me I never knew
몰랐었던 나를 완성한

I realized it when I met you, ooh
널 만나고 깨달았지, ooh

In my empty world...

I am nothing whithout your love"

 

Jin 2025

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mrs. Kim’s phone buzzed on the kitchen counter

just as she finished setting down the morning side dishes,

 

She wiped her hands on her apron, glanced at the screen—

 

And froze

 

A photo with a  headline

Shared in the neighborhood mothers’ KakaoTalk group

 

“Kim Seokjin & Lee Hana  Official Engagement”

 

Her breath hitched

For a moment she thought her eyes were tricking her

 

Seokjin… engaged?

 

She clicked the message with trembling fingers

 

There he was, in a sharp black suit, hair styled neatly back, standing stiffly beside Hana

 

That same suit she saw him last time with, that means.... he came here right away after the party 

 

broken , crying looking for Taehyung 

 

God.....

The girl wore a beautiful dress, smiling gracefully for the cameras

 

But Jin

His smile didn’t reach his eyes

At all

 

He looked pale. Tired

Almost… hollow

 

Mrs. Kim felt her heart sink

 

She knew that expression

She had seen it on only one other person recently,

Her son

 

God, Taehyungie…

 

She swallowed painfully, pressing a hand to her chest

 

Her husband stepped into the kitchen then, cheerful, voice booming:

“Ah, look at that! Jin-ah is engaged! Good for him! that child deserves happiness”

 

He smiled proudly, already sending congratulations on his phone

 

Mrs. Kim forced a faint smile in return, her heart twisting

 

Happiness…

She wasn’t sure that was what she saw on Jin’s face

 

A moment later, Namjoon entered, still sleepy, rubbing his eyes

“Omma, what’s with all the noise—?”

 

She held out the phone wordlessly

 

Namjoon’s eyes widened

He blinked once , then twice

“What…? Hyung got engaged? When? He didn’t— he didn’t tell me anything”

His voice cracked just enough for her mother’s heart to notice

 

Mr. Kim clapped Namjoon on the back proudly

 

“He must’ve been busy. Good timing too. Hana’s family is solid. This is perfect for him, Namjoon-ah is your turn now”

 

Namjoon nodded… but slowly

 

Too slowly

 

He tried to hide it, but she saw everything

 

The way his brows pinched with something deeper than surprise

The way he reread the message again and again

The way his shoulders dropped ever so slightly

 

Sadness

 

Worry

 

Something unspoken

Something he didn’t want his father to see

 

Because Namjoon was just like her

He cared too deeply

He felt too much

 

And he knew something was wrong, even if he didn’t say it aloud

 

Mrs. Kim inhaled shakily

 

Her boys…

Both of them were hurting, even if neither man beside her noticed.

 

Her husband was still cheerfully talking about wedding venues and congratulatory gifts.

Namjoon stayed quiet, eyes distant.

 

And Taehyung…

Her heart clenched

She didn’t know yet how badly this news would break him

 

She didn’t know how much he had already cried these past months when he thought she wasn’t watching.

 

She only knew one thing—

 

This engagement would not end quietly

Not in their family

Not in their hearts

 

 

She closed her eyes for a moment, praying softly

 

“God ...Please…

Let both my boys survive this”

 

 

Because something told her…

 

This wasn’t the end

It was only the beginning

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jimin heard the keys before he heard the footsteps

 

A soft jingle outside the door , too soft, too hesitant to belong to anyone else but Taehyung ,

 

then the quiet click of the lock turning

 

Jimin straightened where he sat on the couch, phone still open in his hand,

 

the bright screen burning with a photo he had been staring at for the last twenty minutes.

 

Junkook has send it to him " Hyung , Jin-Hyung is engaged now ??? WTF??" 

 

**attached a photo 

 

Kim Seokjin and Lee Hana

Engagement Announcement

— posted this morning

 

 

 

He locked the screen immediately

 

The door opened

 

Taehyung stepped in

 

And Jimin’s heart dropped

 

He looked like a ghost wearing Taehyung’s clothes , the same black hoodie from last night,

sleeves pulled over trembling hands,

 

curls still messy from sleep, lips swollen, eyes… God. Those eyes

 

Red, glassy and lost..

 

Like someone had taken his heart out while he was still awake.

 

“Hey,” Jimin said softly, standing slowly, carefully, like approaching a wounded animal.

 

Taehyung blinked at him, slow and unfocused.

Like he wasn’t fully here. Like part of him was still lying on Jimin’s floor next to a man he loved.

 

“Jimin-ah…”

It came out a whisper. Cracked. Barely there.

 

Jimin stepped closer. “Baby, come here”

 

Taehyung didn’t move.

 

He just stood in the doorway, breathing uneven and shallow, like his chest hurt.

 

Jimin exhaled

 

He had expected this

 

He knew his soulmate too well ,

 

knew that Taehyung always broke quietly first, and then all at once.

 

So Jimin went to him

 

He cupped Taehyung’s face gently, guiding him into his arms.

 

Taehyung didn’t resist

 

He just fell , silently, completely , into Jimin’s chest, like gravity finally won.

 

Jimin felt the moment the younger boy’s legs gave out

 

He caught him. Held him up.

 

Brought them both to the floor slowly, Taehyung shaking in his arms.

 

The first tear hit Jimin’s shoulder.

 

Then the next

Then he broke

“Jimin-ah…” he choked, breathless, voice cracking in the middle, “I— I thought… I thought… maybe…”

“Jimin-ah… I—I think I’m dying…”

 

Jimin didn’t say anything,he couldn’t.

He simply wrapped his arms around Taehyung’s shaking body and held him tighter.

Held him the way you hold someone who has just watched their world collapse.

Held him like he could glue the pieces back together by touch alone.

“I know,” Jimin whispered into his hair, tears pricking his own eyes.

“I know, baby… I know.”

Taehyung sobbed harder.

“Hyung… he—he got engaged…”

“I know”

A shuddered inhale

A broken sob

“He— he left so fast… he didn’t even look back…”

Taehyung’s fingers clutched at Jimin’s shirt, desperate, trembling.

 

 

“He… didn’t tell me…”

 

“I know”

 

 

“And then—” Taehyung's  voice cracked so violently Jimin felt it in his bones,

 

He couldn’t finish

 

His voice simply died

 

His whole body shook

 

Jimin closed his eyes, swallowing down the ache in his own chest. “I saw it too”

 

Taehyung went still

 

Like the words struck him physically

 

“He’s getting married, Tae…”

 

A small, broken sound escaped Taehyung’s lungs , something between a sob and a gasp 

and he folded forward, forehead pressing into Jimin’s neck.

 

“Jiminnie…”

His voice was muffled, trembling violently

“What did I do wrong?”

 

Jimin’s heart shattered

 

He held Taehyung’s face gently, pulling him back just enough to look him in the eyes , those eyes drowning in hurt.

 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Taetae,” Jimin whispered firmly.

 

“You just… loved someone who wasn’t brave enough to choose you back”

 

At those words, Taehyung broke again , harsher this time, louder, sobs echoing in the small apartment

 

Jimin pulled him into his arms and let him cry

Let him fall apart

Let him be small again, fragile in a way Taehyung rarely allowed himself to be

 

He rocked him gently, whispering into his hair, “Let it out, baby… I’m right here”

 

Taehyung’s hands fisted in Jimin’s sweater as he cried and cried and cried , the sound so raw Jimin felt tears sting his own eyes.

 

“You loved him,” Jimin murmured softly

 

Taehyung nodded against his chest, violently

 

“You still love him”

 

Another nod. Harder. More desperate

 

 

“I— I love him… Jimin-ah… I love him so much…”

 

Jimin felt his own heart split

But he didn’t flinch

Didn’t hesitate

 

He just held him through every shake, every sob, every breathless collapse

 

Because this—

 

This was the moment his best friend shattered completely.

 

And Jimin would be damned if he let him break alone.

 

And Jimin pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head

 

“I know”

 

He held Taehyung even tighter

 

“And I’m not letting go "

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The days after Taehyung walked away felt like someone had drained the world of its colors.

 

Jin woke with a headache that didn't go away no matter how much coffee he drank,

 

how many cigarettes he burned through, how many contracts he buried himself under.

 

Work became the only place he could breathe

 

Or at least pretend to

 

He arrived before sunrise, long before anyone else.

 

he had back to work with Mr.choi again so he can draw his mind off things 

Lights still off, the office cold, empty, quiet , a perfect match to the inside of his chest.

 

He sat at his desk, tie already loose, eyes already dull, flipping through documents without seeing a single word.

 

The ring stayed hidden in his pocket, cold against his thigh, burning him every time he remembered why it was there.

 

He can’t choose you

 

That sentence chased him everywhere

 

When the others began arriving, Jin was already buried in files,

 

returning emails with machine-like calm, greeting everyone with polite nods, as if nothing in his life had shattered days ago.

 

Mr. Choi praised him constantly.

 

“Attorney Kim, excellent work”

“Your drafts are flawless”

“You’re the pride of this team”

 

Jin bowed each time, expression composed

 

Inside, he felt like he was crumbling in slow motion

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeonjun saw everything

 

More than Jin wanted anyone to see

He watched the elder skip lunch every day

Watched him smoke in the freezing balcony between meetings, fingers trembling around each cigarette.

Watched him down cup after cup of bitter black coffee instead of real food

Watched him stay behind until late night, shoulders stiff, eyes empty,

like he was trying to outrun something inside him.

 

Yeonjun knew what it was

 

He had seen the younger boy that morning 

That long blond hair

Those sad eyes

The way he hovered close to Jin like he belonged beside him.

 

No wonder

No wonder the elder was falling apart quietly.

 

No wonder Jin flinched whenever someone mentioned relationships, or marriage, or Hana

 

No wonder he worked like he needed the exhaustion to numb something deeper.

 

 

 

 

 

Their dynamic changed without either of them talking about it

 

Jin wasn’t cold anymore

He wasn’t distant

He was… softer

Tired, hollow, but soft

He asked Yeonjun if he’d eaten

He apologized when he spaced out during meetings

He even smiled , small, shy, almost guilty ,whenever Yeonjun teased him lightly.

 

And God, Yeonjun was falling for him all over again

Harder now

 

Because now he knew Jin’s heart was capable of hopeless, desperate love

 

He had heard it in his voice when drunk

He had felt it in that clumsy kiss

He had seen it in the way Jin whispered that forbidden name

 

Taehyung

 

Yeonjun could never compete with that

But still, he stayed

He listened when Jin mumbled “I’m fine” for the tenth time.

He watched the elder’s hands shake when he lit another cigarette.

He heard the exhaustion in the sighs Jin tried to hide

 

He didn’t push

He didn’t ask

 

He just stayed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Every night, Jin collapsed onto his couch without turning on the lights.

Sometimes he cried silently

Sometimes he drank until memories blurred

Sometimes he whispered Taehyung’s name into the dark like a prayer or a curse.

 

He didn’t text Hana

He didn’t pick up his parents' calls

He didn’t respond to Namjoon, who kept checking on him

 

He only replied to one person

 

Yeonjun

 

Maybe because Yeonjun didn’t demand anything emotional from him.

Maybe because Yeonjun didn’t ask why he was breaking.

Maybe because the younger accepted every fragmented piece of him without question.

 

But every time Yeonjun left after helping him home…

 

Jin felt emptier than before

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He worked like a machine because if he slowed down even once , even one minute , he’d think of:

Taehyung’s soft morning face

Taehyung’s warm hands holding his broken ones

Taehyung’s whisper against his lips

 

I Love you…

 

He heard it every time he closed his eyes

 

And then he heard his own cruel reply to Taehyung’s confession later:

“…please don’t”

 

Jin hated himself for that

For breaking the boy who loved him

For asking him to choose him when he knew he couldn’t offer anything back.

For kissing him like it was the last time , because it was

 

So he buried everything under cases, files, and smoke

 

Pretending not to feel

 

Pretending not to crack

 

Pretending not to miss him so much it made his bones ache.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The house had been too quiet lately

 

Jin didn’t notice it at first , he didn’t notice anything, really,

not when he was drowning himself in case files, coffee, and nicotine just to get through each day.

But somewhere between his fourth cigarette and his seventh email at midnight, he finally heard it.

 

A soft, defeated whine

 

He looked down

 

Yeontan was lying beside the couch, chin on the floor, tiny body curled so tight it almost looked painful.

 

“Tan-ah…?” Jin called softly

 

No response

 

Usually, the pup would at least wag his tail, trot over,

try to climb onto his lap. But tonight… nothing

Just a tiny sigh, and his big round eyes staring toward the front door.

 

 

As if waiting , hoping still

 

As if he expected someone to walk through it

 

Someone who wasn’t coming anymore

 

He was busy with everything going down recently in his life, he didn't notice Yeontan was down too

 

Jin’s heart squeezed painfully, a hollow echo inside his ribs.

 

“Come here,” he whispered, kneeling to scoop the pup into his arms.

Yeontan didn’t resist, but he didn’t lick his chin like usual either.

 

He simply pressed into Jin’s chest and trembled — a small, quiet shake that broke something deep inside him.

 

God…

Even his dog was heartbroken

 

Even his dog could feel it

 

Later, at night, the scene repeated , Yeontan curled beside him on the bed,

unmoving, staring blankly at the wall.

 

 

Other nights, he whimpered and crawled to the couch, curling in the exact spot Taehyung used to sit,

nose pressed to the cushion as if searching for the scent he missed.

 

Jin watched him, unable to breathe

 

He remembered how the puppy used to sprint to the door the moment Taehyung’s steps echoed in the hallway,

 

tail wagging like crazy, whole body vibrating with excitement.

 

But now…

 

He just lay there

 

Waiting

 

Jin felt the guilt crush him, heavy and familiar

He didn’t deserve this dog either

Didn’t deserve anyone who loved him

 

When Yeontan refused food for the third day, Jin finally panicked

 

“Okay — okay, Tan-ah, let’s go,” he whispered, voice shaking

 

He wrapped him in a blanket and rushed out,

ignoring how his own head was spinning from exhaustion and a day of surviving on nothing but coffee.

 

At the pets clinic,, the vet took one look at Yeontan’s dull eyes and slow movements and sighed sympathetically.

 

“He’s physically fine,” she said gently “But emotionally… he’s not”

 

Jin blinked, confused

 

“What do you mean?”

 

The vet hesitated, then spoke quietly:

“Dogs can experience severe depression when their environment or relationships change suddenly.

he can feel their's own care giver's  sadness too, He looks like he’s grieving someone”

 

Jin’s breath hitched

 

He stared down at Yeontan, whose tiny paws were still clutching his sleeve weakly, eyes unfocused and sad.

 

Taehyung

 

Of course it was Taehyung

 

The vet continued softly, “Is someone missing from his life recently? Someone he was very attached to?”

 

Jin swallowed hard

 

His throat burned

 

His eyes stung

 

“…yes,” he whispered  “Someone he loves. Someone… we both love”

 

The vet nodded gently

“He needs warmth. Familiar comfort. If possible, letting him see that person again… even briefly… would help immensely”

 

Jin’s chest twisted painfully

 

He looked down at Yeontan , his tiny trembling baby , and guilt washed over him in waves.

 

He couldn’t go to Taehyung

He couldn’t involve him again

Not when he was getting married.

 

Not when he was supposed to let him go

 

But Yeontan was suffering

 

Because of him

 

Because of the mess he made

Because he tore himself away from the only real happiness he ever had.

 

“I’m so sorry…” Jin whispered, pressing a shaky kiss to Yeontan’s head

 

He held him tightly, tears finally spilling down his cheek as he rocked him gently

 

“I’m sorry I ruined everything”

 

Yeontan only whined softly , the same sound Jin made inside his heart every day.

 

And for the first time in weeks, Jin felt truly, painfully helpless.

 

He couldn’t fix his life

 

He couldn’t fix Taehyung’s heart

 

But he wanted , desperately , to fix this.

 

If he couldn’t save himself,

he could at least try to save this little creature who loved them both.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He waited outside the small bar, bouncing nervously on his heels as he read the message again

 

 

“Do you want a drink together?”

 

 

His heart had hammered the moment Jin texted

He didn’t know what the man needed, but he knew he wanted to be there.

Jin arrived late, wrapped in a beige coat, hair messy, eyes swollen like he hadn’t slept in days.

 

He still looked impossibly handsome.

 

And heartbreakingly exhausted

 

 

They sat across from each other in the dim corner booth, two glasses between them.

Jin didn’t speak at first , just downed the first drink in one shot.

 

Yeonjun sat across from him in the dim bar, pretending to laugh at his own dumb jokes,

pretending he didn’t notice how Jin’s smile never reached his eyes.

 

He knew why he was here

He knows why Jin had texted him now

It wasn’t an invitation

It was a cry for help.

 

And Yeonjun, fool that he was, ran to him

 

Jin looked worse tonight than the night he kissed him accidentally

Eyes swollen, face pale under the yellow bar light, the collar of his coat pulled up like he was hiding inside it.

 

Yeonjun tried to lighten the mood

 

Stupid jokes, little stories from the office, teasing remarks about Mr. Choi’s terrible handwriting 

 

anything to coax even a tiny smile

 

Jin did smile

A small, tired one

 

But Yeonjun could see it , the man was hurting so deeply he could barely sit upright.

 

He was breaking

 

And Yeonjun felt his own heart ache because of it

 

 

 

 

he lifted his glass,

letting the rim rest against his lower lip as he stole another quiet glance at the man accross him.

 

Jin was staring down into his drink like it held all the answers to his life.

Or all the reasons it hurt.

 

Yeonjun’s chest tightened

 

He hated seeing him like this

 

Broken inside but trying to hold himself together with that small, polite smile he kept forcing.

 

He sighed softly and looked down at the amber liquid swirling in his glass.

 

And as the silence stretched between them, his mind wandered back—to earlier that day,

 

when he stood awkwardly at Jin’s doorway with the congratulatory flowers and Mr. Choi’s envelope

 

when Jin refused to take them asking him politely to return it to Mr.Choi

 

 

then younjun memory goes back 

 

To him

 

Taehyung

 

 

 

He’d never seen him before that day

Only heard the name slipping out of Jin’s drunken mouth that night

Soft, broken, whispered like a prayer

And then suddenly, he saw the person behind that name

 

A tall boy, standing quietly near the front door, half-hidden behind his long blonde curls.

Pretty wasn’t even the word

 

he was much younger than Yeonjun himself

 

He looked like something carved too delicately for this world, slim frame, soft lines,

 

eyes that held too much emotion for someone that young

 

Yeonjun remembered the odd feeling blooming in his chest the moment

 

Taehyung stepped closer—almost instinctively—toward Jin.

 

Like a silent claim

 

Like mine

 

And Jin…

God. The way Jin’s whole body froze when he saw him

Like he had been punched in the lungs

 

Yeonjun wasn’t stupid

He understood exactly what he was witnessing

 

So this is Taehyung

 

The boy who had ruined his hyung

The boy his hyung loved so painfully it had turned him into this—

a man drinking himself numb beside Yeonjun, trying so hard to pretend he was fine.

 

Yeonjun swallowed slowly, letting the memory settle into him.

 

He finally understood why the man was so gone for him.

Why he couldn’t let go

Why even last night, drunk out of his mind, Jin could only say one name

 

Taehyung was beautiful

 

Not just physically

 

But in the way he stood there looking heartbroken and angry at the same time

In the way he watched Jin like he was both his home and his destruction

In the way his hands trembled when Jin pulled away

 

There was history there

Love

Wounds

Longing

Yeonjun had no place among those things.

 

He exhaled quietly and finished his drink

 

Beside him, Jin rubbed his tired eyes with the back of his hand, looking so unbearably sad that Yeonjun had to look away.

 

He wished—just for a second—that he could be the one Jin looked at like that

 

But he wasn’t Taehyung

 

He would never be Taehyung

 

And somehow…

even loving Jin from a distance hurt less than trying to compete with a love like that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hyung… are you sure you want another?” he asked softly, watching Jin reach for the empty glass.

 

Jin didn’t even answer—just tilted his head back and swallowed the next drink in one go,

 

like he needed it to stay alive

 

Yeonjun’s stomach twisted

 

He had never seen someone drink like they were trying to outrun their own heartbeat

 

They tried to talk about normal things, but the night kept slipping.

Jin kept slipping—into his memories, his guilt, his heartbreak.

 

At one point, he whispered, voice cracking:

“…I don’t know how to breathe anymore”

 

Yeonjun froze

 

“Hyung…”

 

“I don’t know how to face my parents… how to face him… how to face myself…” Jin’s voice was shaking, raw

“Every day I wake up and feel like I’m disappearing”

 

Yeonjun didn’t know what to say

 

So he didn’t

 

 

He just listened,

 

Every word sinking like stones in his heart

 

He didn’t judge

 

How could he?

 

He had already fallen for this man who never looked at him the way he looked at Taehyung

 

And Jin talked, quietly at first, then more and more, until his words dissolved into shaking breaths,

 

until he finally dropped his head onto the table—defeated.

 

Yeonjun’s chest tightened painfully.

 

 

 

By midnight, Jin’s head was heavy on his folded arms, breath slow and alcohol-sweet.

 

When the older swayed too much, Yeonjun reached across the table and gently took the glass from his hand.

 

“Hyung… we should stop now,” he whispered, gently pulling the glass from Jin’s hand.

 

Jin didn’t fight him this time

 

he hummed, barely conscious.

 

It hurt — watching someone you adored fall apart and knowing you could do nothing

 

By the end of the night, he couldn’t even walk straight.

He swayed with every step, leaning heavily on Yeonjun’s shoulder as they left the bar.

 

Yeonjun hailed a taxi and climbed in with him, one hand gripping Jin’s coat tightly so he wouldn’t slump over.

 

When they reached Jin’s building, Yeonjun hooked an arm around his waist to steady him.

 

“Just a bit more, hyung… walk slowly…”

 

But Jin suddenly stopped

Turned

Looked right at him

 

Except—

His eyes weren’t focused

 

His hand slid up Yeonjun’s arm slowly…

 

Too slowly

 

“Taehyung…” Jin breathed, voice trembling, full of longing

 

Yeonjun froze

 

his heart dropped

 

“No, hyung. It’s me. Yeon—”

 

But Jin didn’t hear him

 

Pain and longing clouded his eyes

 

He grabbed him suddenly, too hard, too desperate and pushed him back against the wall beside the door.

 

“Hyung! Wait—!” Yeonjun gasped

 

Jin’s lips crashed against his

 

A clumsy, crushing, hurting kiss

 

Yeonjun froze, eyes wide, breath trapped in his throat

 

He tried to push gently, tried to separate them —

 

“Hyung— stop— you’re drunk—”

 

But Jin was heavy, trembling, clinging to him like he was drowning

 

His lips were warm, tasting of liquor and heartbreak

His hands fisted Yeonjun’s coat as if he needed him to breathe

 

Yeonjun’s heart cracked painfully

 

This wasn’t for him

Never for him

 

 

He tried to push him away, hands on the man's shoulders,

but the older man was too heavy, too broken, too drunk to control.

 

“Hyung—stop—please—” Yeonjun whispered against his mouth, voice trembling

“It’s not me you want”

 

But Jin only pressed harder

 

He tried again to pull away

 

“Hyung, please— listen— it’s not m—”

 

 

 

 

 

“Oppa…?”

 

The voice sliced the hallway open

 

Yeonjun’s eyes shot wide

 

He turned his head slowly

 

At the far end of the quiet hallway

 

 frozen like a statue 

 

stood a woman in a pale beige coat, long hair over her shoulders, eyes wide with disbelief

 

He recognized her immediately

 

He had only seen her in the engagement photos online…

But he knew her.

 

Lee Hana

 

Jin’s fiancée

 

She stood frozen, staring at them

 

Staring at her fiancée kissing another man

 

 

Her gaze dropped to their bodies

 Jin pressed against him 

 

his hands on hiss coat —

their lips still inches apart

 

Her face crumpled

 

“Oppa…?” she whispered again, voice shaking

 

Yeonjun felt Jin stiffen

 

Felt the man go still against him

 

Felt everything collapse in a single heartbeat

 

And in that frozen, breathless second…

 

Yeonjun realized:

 

This was the moment everything was going to break

 

For all of them

Notes:

I'm thinking 'bout you, .......I'm thinking 'bout me...

Chapter 35: A Cruel Man

Summary:

“You’ve changed,” she sobbed

“You’ve changed since that trip with Namjoon. You’re not the man I was supposed to marry”

Her voice broke again

 
“You’re… disgusting”

Notes:

Wr: Reference to Homophobia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He was drown in warmth,

 

Not the fleeting kind that vanished the moment you opened your eyes,

but a deep, steady warmth that wrapped around him completely , arms strong and familiar,

holding him like he was something precious.

 

He was tucked against a broad chest, his nose brushing a sharp jaw.

 

A steady heartbeat echoed beneath his ear, slow and calm,

 

syncing with his own. Taehyung felt so safe. Protected.

Like nothing in the world could reach him here.

 

When he lifted his face, squinting against the brightness, he realized they weren’t indoors

 

They were outside

 

The sky stretched endlessly above them, clear and blue

 

Sunlight filtered down warmly, almost blinding,

 

He could hear birds chirping somewhere nearby, the distant rhythm of waves rolling against the shore.

It felt like a beach , open, peaceful, untouched by pain

 

A familiar soft voice whispered close to his ear

“Morning…”

 

Taehyung smiled sleepily, humming in response

“Morning…”

 

Then, softer , hopeful 

“Hyung…”

 

For a moment, the man didn’t answer

 

Only silence. Gentle. Comfortable

 

Then the arms around him tightened slightly, pulling him closer, as if refusing to let go

 

“Yeah, baby…”

 

Taehyung’s heart fluttered. He hid his face shyly against that warm chest again,

listening to the steady heartbeat beneath his cheek, letting it guide his own into the same rhythm.

 

“Do you think of us sometimes?” he asked quietly

 

Silence again

 

Not empty , thoughtful

 

Strong hands shifted, lifting his chin gently.

 

Taehyung felt warm breath brush against his lips, close enough that he could almost taste it

 

“I only think about you,” the voice whispered

 

A soft touch , barely a kiss , ghosted against his mouth

 

Taehyung closed his eyes, leaning in, wanting more, wanting everything

 

And then the ground tilted

 

The warmth slipped away

 

The arms loosened

 

The sky darkened

 

“Hyung—” Taehyung gasped, reaching out desperately.      “Please… don’t go”

 

The earth shook violently beneath him

 

The sound of waves grew louder , closer. Cold water surged around his legs, then his waist, pulling him down.

 

“Please don’t leave me!” he cried, choking as the sea rose higher

 

He was drowning

 

“Hyung… Seokjin-hyung!”

 

Taehyung jolted awake with a sharp gasp,

 

lungs burning as if he’d been underwater. His chest heaved,

 

hands flying to his face as tears streamed down uncontrollably.

 

Darkness surrounded him

 

His bedroom

 

Cold. Silent

 

He pressed a trembling hand to his chest,

trying to slow his breathing, trying to ground himself.

 

And yet ， somehow ， the warmth lingered. As if the man had only just left

 

Like they’d been lying together on Jimin’s cold floor only few hours ago, before everything fell apart

 

Taehyung curled inward, hugging himself as his sobs softened into quiet, broken breaths

 

How could the same man who made him feel so safe…

be the one who hurt him this deeply?

 

And why did that warmth , that feeling of home  , that softness still belong to him?

 

To such a cruel man

 

Even now

 

Even after everything

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jin woke to the sound of his phone screaming

 

But he didn’t move

A low groan escaped him as he yanked the blanket over his head,

burying half his face into the pillow like he could smother the noise out of existence.

 

 

His skull throbbed violently — a pulsing reminder of last night’s liquor —

and every vibration of the phone felt like a hammer hitting bone.

 

But the ringing didn’t stop

 

It persisted

 

Shrill. Demanding

 

Dragging him out of sleep

 

With a curse under his breath, Jin fumbled blindly for the device on his bedside table, finally dragging it to his ear.

 

“…Hello…?” he mumbled, voice thick, barely awake

 

He didn’t even get a breath in

 

“KIM SEOKJIN. COME HOME. NOW”

 

 

His father’s furious voice exploded through the speaker

 

Jin’s eyes snapped open

 

He shot upright instantly, breath catching, as if the cold edge in his father’s tone had sliced straight through the hangover fog

 

The call cut off before he could form a reply

 

Silence crashed into the room

 

His heartbeat thundered in his rattled chest

 

Slowly, he looked around

Blinking at the familiar sight of his own bedroom.

He was home

And still fully dressed in last night’s clothes.

 

His blazer half on, half off

His shirt wrinkled

His body aching

 

He didn’t remember getting into bed

He didn’t remember coming home at all

 

That alone made his stomach twist

 

 

But something worse hit him as he staggered out of the bedroom,

one hand braced against the wall, throat dry and burning.

 

He reached the living room—

—and froze

 

There was a body on his couch

 

A young man, curled uncomfortably on the cushions,

 

still wearing yesterday’s clothes. His black fringe fell into his eyes,

lips parted slightly in sleep.

 

“...Yeonjun?”

 

The name escaped Jin in a whisper, horror rising like ice through his veins.

 

And then—

Everything came back.

 

Not all at once

Not clearly

But in sharp, horrifying flashes—

 

Yeonjun’s worried face across the bar table.

His own shaking hands around a glass.

Too much alcohol

Too many confessions he shouldn’t have made

A clumsy kiss against a wall

Hana’s voice—

Her devastated “Oppa?”

His own slurred words—“Yeah, I like him”

Her hand striking his cheek

Jin’s breath punched out of him.

 

His knees nearly gave out

 

God… what have I done?

 

He staggered back a step, grabbing the side of the dining table for balance,

his pulse roaring in his ears. Shame crashed into him, hot and suffocating.

 

He looked at Yeonjun again—

peaceful, unaware, asleep on his couch.

 

Guilt churned in his gut so violently he almost felt sick.

 

Pieces of last night collided in his mind, each worse than the last.

His father’s voice

Hana’s tears

Yeonjun’s stunned face

And Taehyung—

 

Taehyung’s name pressed against his drunken tongue again and again—

 

Jin grabbed his throbbing head with one trembling hand

 

His father wanted him home now

Hana had seen everything

Yeonjun was asleep on his couch because Jin had been too drunk to even stand.

 

Everything was falling apart

 

Everything he’d spent years holding together.

 

And he had no idea how to fix any of it

 

He whispered again, voice breaking, afraid of waking the younger man—

 

 

“…What the hell did I do?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

flashback to the last night .......

 

Hana’s voice trembled

“Is… is this why you’ve been ignoring me?”

 

Jin blinked at her, confused, drunk, breath uneven against Yeonjun’s shoulder

He swayed, eyes unfocused, and Yeonjun quickly stepped aside so the older man wouldn’t fall

 

“Hana—” he started, voice thick, but she cut him off, stepping closer with trembling fists

 

“Oppa… what is this?”

Her voice cracked “Who is he? Why are you—” she swallowed hard,

staring at Jin’s swollen lips, his disheveled shirt, his trembling hands.

 

“Why are you kissing another man?”

 

Jin pressed both palms to his forehead, groaning softly as if the world was too bright, too loud.

 

“Hana… don’t… just—” he slurred, unable to string thoughts together

His chest heaved

He looked exhausted, ruined, like he’d been unraveling for weeks and this moment simply tore the last thread.

 

She took one shaky step closer

 

“Answer me,” she whispered. “Do you… like men now?”

 

 

Yeonjun froze, breath caught in his throat

Jin lifted his head slowly, eyes glossy, red, unfocused

 

And then—

with the terrible honesty of a man too drunk to protect himself—

“…yeah,” Jin murmured, voice cracking

“I do”

 

Hana’s eyes widened, mouth parting in disbelief

 

Jin swallowed again, chest shaking

He lifted a trembling hand as if reaching for something far away

“I… I like him,” he slurred, barely stable on his feet.

 

Yeonjun’s blood ran cold

 

“H-Hyung— no—” he whispered, horrified.

 

But the words were already out

Hana shook her head violently, tears spilling down her cheeks.

“Stop it,” she cried. “Stop— saying things like that. What is wrong with you?”

 

Jin flinched at her tone, but he was too far gone to defend himself

He looked beaten, shoulders collapsing inward, eyes glossy with alcohol and heartbreak he didn’t even understand anymore.

 

“You’ve changed,” she sobbed.

 

“You’ve changed since that trip with Namjoon. You’re not the man I was supposed to marry”

Her voice broke again

“You’re… disgusting”

 

Yeonjun’s eyes widened

His stomach twisted painfully

 

“Hana-ssi— please don’t say—” he tried gently

 

But she was already backing away, wiping her tears with trembling hands.

“I can’t… I can’t look at you right now,” she whispered.

 

Then she turned and ran down the small front yard 

 

Silence rushed in, thick and suffocating

 

Jin swayed once… twice… and Yeonjun caught him by the shoulders before he collapsed,

the man’s weight heavy, breath shaky against his chest.

 

Yeonjun looked down at him , this beautiful, broken man who had just set fire to his life without even realizing it.

 

And all he could whisper, half to Jin, half to himself, was:

“…everything is falling apart, isn’t it, hyung?”

 

Jin didn’t answer

 

He couldn’t

 

He just sagged into Yeonjun’s hold , drunk, heartbroken, and completely unaware that the morning would be even worse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jin barely remembered the drive

He barely stepped into the living room before the storm hit.

 

His father was already waiting when he stepped inside ,stood in the center of the room like a wall,

face red with fury,rigid posture, eyes burning with disgrace.

 

Hana standing behind him, pale and trembling.

His mother hovered near the staircase, wringing her hands, eyes swollen from crying.

“Is it true?”

Mr. Kim’s voice cracked through the air like thunder.

 

“What I heard from her?”

 

Jin’s throat bobbed

He opened his mouth, but no words came out

 

Hana’s lips trembled. Her eyes were glassy, hurt and terrified

“Oppa…” she whispered, stepping forward ，

but stopped when Jin’s father slammed his palm on the table

 

“ANSWER ME, SEOKJIN!”

 

He flinched

But he forced himself to stand straighter，though every bone inside him wanted to collapse.

Jin’s throat worked， He swallowed hard.

 

Silence stretched

And then—

 

SLAP

 

The sound echoed through the house

 

Jin’s head snapped to the side, cheek burning, ears ringing.

Hana gasped, covering her mouth. His mother let out a soft cry but didn’t move forward ， she never did. She always froze.

 

“Aeboji…” Hana whispered shakily, “Please—”

 

“You disgusting child,” his father hissed

“I spent everything on you. Everything. And for what? So you could embarrass this family like this?”

 

Jin stared at the floor, breathing shallow, tasting iron in his mouth.

 

Each word felt like a knife

“I spent all my money, all my effort on you—for THIS?”

 

Jin stared at the floor

He wished he could disappear into it

 

 

“You like your own gender?? Tell me, Seokjin，who will manage this firm after me? HIM?” His father scoffed

 

“Will he give you children? Heirs? Respect?”

 

 

Every word was poison

 

 

His mother’s soft sobs trembled in the background

 

 

“I am ashamed of you,” his father spat

“ASHAMED”

 

 

Jin trembled，but he didn’t speak，

 

He only clenched his fists, knuckles white

 

He was too broken to defend himself anymore.

 

He couldn’t

 

Not when the damage was already done

Not when he’d already lost Taehyung

Not when Yeonjun had been dragged into this mess because of him.

 

but his father wasn’t finished

 

“And I thought—”

He shook his head in disgust

“I thought you were cured”

 

Jin froze

 

His lungs stopped working

 

“I thought,” his father continued, voice low and ice-cold,

“that once I separated you from that… twink little Kim, you would finally become a man”

 

The world tilted

 

Little… Kim?

 

No

 

He didn’t

He couldn’t

 

Taehyung

 

God, His father meant Taehyung

 

Jin felt his entire body go cold, rage and terror twisting inside his chest.

 

His father knew something

Not everything , but enough to end Taehyung’s life if he ever found out the truth.

 

So Jin stayed silent

 

Not for himself

 

But for him

 

 

"I thought ending that nonsense early would fix you”

 

Jin’s breath caught

His nails dug into his palms

Heat rushed to his eyes—not shame

Nor fear

 

Rage

 

“Don’t,” Jin whispered, voice shaking

“Don’t talk about him like that”

 

His father raised a brow

“Ah. So it is him again?”

 

 

 

Jin’s chest tightened painfully

He didn’t confirm it,

 

but he didn’t deny it either.

He couldn’t

 

Because the damage was done

He had lost Taehyung

He had destroyed his engagement

And now…

 

He saw the truth:

 

He had been punished for loving someone his entire life

without even knowing it

 

His father scoffed

His mother cried harder

Hana stared between them, stunned and terrified

 

And him

for the first time in years

He felt truly, utterly alone

 

He forced his trembling lips to part instead

 

"No.. it's someone else "he whispered hoarsely

 

 

 

His father scoffed again

 

“Pathetic”

 

But he didn’t correct him

 

He wouldn’t let Taehyung’s name ever enter this house again

 

He wouldn’t let his father’s hatred touch the boy he loved

 

Even if it meant letting everyone believe the wrong thing

Even if it meant breaking his own life completely

 

Even if it meant losing them all

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The front door slammed harder than Jin intended

He didn’t even feel his feet as he stumbled back inside—he was just… numb.

Hollow

Shaking

 

His father’s words were still echoing inside his skull, sharp as blades

 

Disgusting child

I thought you were cured

 

That twink little Kim

 

Jin had felt something in him die when he heard that

 

Something he’d been protecting for so long

 

He wiped his face roughly, but the tears kept falling anyway

Stupid. Uncontrolled. Hot

 

He didn’t realize he was crying until he tasted salt on his lips

 

He shut the door with a trembling hand, trying to hold himself up—only for his knees to almost buckle.

 

A soft rustling made him flinch

 

“…Hyung?”

 

Jin turned his head slowly

 

Yeonjun was sitting up on the couch, hair tousled, blanket half-slipped off his lap,

eyes wide with confusion and worry.

Still wearing the same clothes from last night

Still looking too young, too soft to witness any of this.

 

“Hyung… where did you go?” he asked gently, voice hoarse from sleep.

 

Jin’s breath hitched—loud, broken

 

And that was it

 

The last thread holding him together snapped

 

He covered his face with both hands and sobbed

 

Not the quiet kind he tried to swallow every time life cornered him

But raw, shaking, suffocating sobs that tore out of him like he’d been run through.

 

“Hyung—!” Yeonjun was up in seconds, crossing the room to catch him before he collapsed again.

 

Jin’s whole body trembled against him

 

“I’m— I’m sorry,” Jin choked, gripping Yeonjun’s sleeve like he might drown without it.

“I’m so—sorry for dragging you into this— I didn’t mean— I didn’t want you to get—”

 

He couldn’t finish

 

His voice broke into pieces

 

Yeonjun’s arms tightened around him automatically

He didn’t know if he should cry or laugh at the situation—

because Jin had confessed last night that he “liked him”…

and now Yeonjun finally understood

Jin wasn’t protecting him

 

He was protecting someone else

 

Someone whose name had already carved itself into Yeonjun’s heart even if he’d never knew him

 

Taehyung

 

Of course

 

So that’s why he claimed he liked me in front of Hana…

He chose to burn himself and drag me down with him just to keep Taehyung safe…

 

Yeonjun’s throat tightened painfully

 

He wished—so stupidly wished—that Jin really had meant it

That Jin had looked at him the way he clearly looked at that boy

 

But wishing was pointless

 

All Yeonjun could do was hold him now

 

“Hyung…” he whispered, carefully placing a hand on the back of Jin’s head,

 

letting him cry against his shoulder. “It’s okay. I’m here. Just… let it out”

 

Jin curled into him like he had nothing left to fight with

 

“I lost him,” Jin whispered through broken breaths.

 

“I lost everyone My parent— Hana— Taehyung— I… I ruined everything”

 

Yeonjun closed his eyes, heart twisting

 

He wanted to tell him you didn’t ruin me

He wanted to tell him I’m here because I chose to be

He wanted to tell him I wish I were the one you loved

 

But this wasn’t about him

 

It never was

 

So instead he whispered the only truth that mattered right now:

“You’re not alone, hyung”

 

Jin trembled harder

 

“I have nothing left,” he whispered, voice shredded

“I have no family… no future… nothing”

 

Yeonjun closed his eyes tightly

 

“That’s not true,” he whispered against the man’s hair

“You still have… me”

 

Jin didn’t react

He was too far gone,

shaking silently in Yeonjun’s arms, grief pouring out after years of holding it all inside

 

Yeonjun held him tighter

 

And Yeonjun held him tighter—

knowing fully, painfully,

that he was holding a man whose heart already belonged to someone else

 

A man who would never be his

But he still held him

Because someone should

Because no one else was here

 

Because loving someone sometimes meant standing beside them quietly while they loved someone else

 

And Yeonjun…

 

 

He was already too far gone

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The message arrived early the next morning

 

A polite tone with a clean email signature.,

A single paragraph that ended Jin’s entire life in one breath

“ As per Chairman Kim’s instruction, all inheritance, financial shares, real estate ties,

and legal authority connected to the Kim family will be revoked effective immediately.

Our firm will proceed with the necessary documentation

We advise you to come in for signature within 48 hours”

 

 

He stared at the screen

 

The words didn’t hit all at once , they landed slowly, piece by piece,

like snow piling on a roof until something finally cracks.

 

His father had truly done it

 

Cut him off

Erased him

 

He wasn’t Kim Seokjin, heir of the Kim Holdings anymore

 

He was just—

Seokjin

 

A man sitting alone at his dining table, hair unwashed, hands shaking around a cup of coffee he hadn’t touched

 

A disowned son

 

A disgraced fiancé

 

and a  broken lover

 

The final blow in a long, cruel week

He closed the laptop gently, almost too gently,

like if he moved too fast he’d shatter with it

 

His chest felt hollow

Empty

Then…

unexpectedly…

Light

 

A faint, barely-there breath of freedom curled through the cracks in his ribs, mixing with the ache

For the first time in his life, there was nothing left to lose

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They met at a small café near Taehyung’s place.

 

One of those quiet neighborhood cafés that smelled like burnt coffee and morning bread,

where the windows fogged slightly from the cold outside. It was still early—too early for crowds,

too early for pretending everything was fine.

 

Taehyung arrived first

 

He sat by the window, hands wrapped around a mug he hadn’t touched, staring out at nothing in particular.

His reflection stared back at him faintly in the glass—eyes tired,

lashes darker than usual, lips pressed together like he was holding something in.

 

Minjae arrived a few minutes later

 

He looked surprised when he saw him—relieved too, maybe.

He hesitated for a second before walking over, pulling out the chair across from Taehyung.

 

“Hey,” Minjae said softly

“Hey,” Taehyung replied, just as quietly

For a moment, neither of them spoke

 

The silence wasn’t awkward. It was heavy.

Like both of them knew this conversation had been waiting for a long time.

 

Minjae was the one who broke it

 

“I saw it,” he said, fingers tightening slightly around his cup

 

“…the engagement party”

 

Taehyung’s breath hitched despite himself

 

“I figured,” he murmured

 

Minjae studied his face then  and whatever he saw there made his shoulders slump a little

 

“That’s why I asked to meet,” Minjae said.     “I wanted to check on you”

 

Taehyung let out a quiet, humorless laugh

 

“You don’t have to do that”

 

“I know,” Minjae replied. “But I wanted to”

 

That earned Minjae a glance at last

 

Their eyes met

 

Minjae looked tired too. Not angry. Not bitter. Just… honest.

 

“I still love you, Taehyung-ah,” Minjae said suddenly.

 

The words landed gently,but they still knocked the air from Taehyung’s lungs.

 

“I tried to stop,” Minjae continued, voice steady even as his eyes shimmered.

“I really did. I thought if I stayed quiet long enough, if I was patient enough, it would fade”

 

Taehyung swallowed hard

 

“But it didn’t,” Minjae said. “And I think… I think you knew that”

 

Taehyung’s fingers curled into his sleeve

 

“I never wanted to hurt you,” he whispered

 

“I know,” Minjae said immediately. “That’s the problem. You never did anything wrong”

 

He paused, then added softly,

“But I also knew… I never really had all of you”

 

Taehyung’s chest tightened painfully

 

Minjae looked down at his coffee, then back up again

 

“You had him in your heart,” he said. Not accusing. Just stating the truth.

“Didn’t you?”

 

Taehyung didn’t answer right away

 

He tried to. He opened his mouth,but nothing came out.

 

That silence was answer enough

 

Minjae nodded slowly, like he had expected it.

 “Does he know ?” Minjae asked quietly

 

Taehyung’s breath trembled, noded his head softly

"now, yeah.."

 

"And before ?"

 

“…I don’t think so,” he said.      “Not really”

 

Minjae frowned. “Why didn’t you tell him?”

 

Taehyung laughed then, but it broke halfway through, turning into something closer to a breathless exhale.

“Because I didn’t know it was love,” he admitted

“I thought it was just… attraction. Wanting. Confusion”

 

He looked down at his hands

“I’ve never been in love before,” Taehyung said softly

 

“I didn’t know what it was supposed to feel like. I thought love was… calmer. Safer”

Minjae watched him carefully, heart crushed under those words....

 

I’ve never been in love before

 

“And now?” he asked

 

Taehyung lifted his gaze

“Now it feels like drowning,” he said honestly

“And somehow… like the only place I can breathe at the same time”

 

Minjae’s expression softened painfully

 

“And him?” he asked. “Does he feel the same?”

 

Taehyung hesitated

 

“I don't know .....…I think he does, he never talk about his feelings ...” he whispered

 

“But I think he’s more afraid than I am”

 

 

Minjae exhaled slowly, nodding to himself

“That sounds like him,” he said

 

There was no jealousy in his voice anymore. Just resignation

 

They sat there quietly for a moment, the café’s soft music filling the space between them

 

Finally, Minjae spoke again

“I don’t regret loving you,” he said. “Even if it hurts”

 

Taehyung’s eyes stung

 

“I’m sorry,” he said again, more firmly this time. “For everything”

 

Minjae shook his head

“Don’t be,” he said. “Just… don’t lie to yourself anymore”

 

 

Minjae sat there for a moment longer, fingers wrapped around his cooling cup,

eyes fixed somewhere past Taehyung’s shoulder like he was gathering the courage to say one last thing.

 

“There’s… something else,” he said quietly

 

Taehyung looked up

 

He hesitated, then smiled ,small, careful, not hopeful

“Do you remember that Italy program I told you about before? The one for art students?”

 

Taehyung blinked, surprised. “Italy…?”

 

“I helped a friend register last year,” Minjae continued, voice gentle

 

“It’s a one-year program. Florence, ..Rome ,...Venice ...Painting, sculpture, history… space. Time”  His gaze softened

“I thought of you the moment I saw the announcement again”

 

Taehyung’s breath caught slightly

 

“You don’t have to decide anything now,” Minjae added quickly, shaking his head

“I’m not saying run away. Just… maybe step somewhere quiet. Somewhere that isn’t full of memories” He paused,

then said softly, “You’ve been drowning for a while, Taehyung-ah. Even the strongest people need air”

 

Silence settled between them, warm and heavy

 

“Think about it,” he said,

 

 “For yourself. Not for him. Not for me”

 

Before Taehyung could respond,

 

Minjae gave him one last look , affectionate, resigned, full of things he wasn’t asking for anymore 

 

He stood up then, slipping his coat on slowly,   

"You don’t belong halfway anywhere,” Minjae added gently 

 

Resting a hand briefly on the back of Taehyung’s chair  “Especially not when your heart’s already chosen”

 

before he walked  toward the door

 

Taehyung watched him go, chest aching, but clearer than he’d been in weeks.

 

For the first time, he didn’t try to deny it

 

He stayed seated long after Minjae left,

 

The word Italy echoing softly in his chest,

 

like a distant shore he wasn’t sure he was ready to swim toward… but couldn’t stop imagining

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The pen felt heavier than it should have

 

Jin stared at the papers spread neatly across the polished desk,

his name printed in sharp black letters at the top of every page.

Kim Seokjin

So clean. So official. Like it still belonged to him

 

The lawyer sat across from him, posture polite,

eyes carefully neutral. 

 

 

This was routine for him. Just another signature. Just another son being erased

 

Jin just knew , he was a lawyer himself

 

 

“Once you sign here,” the man said gently, tapping the last page,

“you will formally relinquish all claims to Kim Holdings.

This includes shares, properties under the family name, and future inheritance”

 

 

Jin nodded

 

His chest felt hollow, like something had already been removed from it long before today.

 

He picked up the pen

For a brief, stupid moment, memories rushed in uninvited—

his father’s hand guiding his when he learned to write his name,

his mother smiling proudly when he got his first suit,

the way he used to believe that if he did everything right, he’d be loved enough

 

The pen touched paper

 

His signature flowed out of him easily. Too easily

Like his hand had been waiting for this

Stroke after stroke

Page after page

 

When he finished, he placed the pen down carefully,

aligning it with the edge of the desk like habit demanded.

 

“I’m done,” he said quietly

 

The lawyer looked at him for a moment longer than necessary, then nodded.

“I’ll process this immediately”

 

Jin stood

 

No shaking or tears

Just emptiness, and underneath it, something strange and terrifying

 

 

Relief

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hana was waiting outside

 

She stood when she saw him, hands clasped tightly in front of her,

eyes red-rimmed but dry. She looked smaller than she had before. Not fragile—just… tired

 

“Is it… finished?” she asked

 

Jin nodded

 

“Yes”

 

Silence stretched between them, thick and awkward.

The kind that used to be filled with polite conversation, shared schedules, future plans neither of them had truly wanted.

 

“I didn’t know,” she said finally, voice tight. “About… everything”

 

Jin didn’t answer right away

 

“I should’ve been honest sooner,” he said instead. “With you”

 

Her jaw clenched. “You humiliated me”

 

“I know.” His voice didn’t waver. “I’m sorry”

 

She laughed oncemshort, brittle. “Sorry doesn’t fix this”

 

“No,” he agreed softly. “It doesn’t”

 

They stood there, two people who had mistaken familiarity for love, obligation for commitment

 

“I won’t drag this out,” Jin said. “I won’t pretend anymore. You deserve someone who can choose you without hesitation”

 

Her eyes flickered, something raw breaking through.

 

“And you? Who do you choose?”

 

Jin inhaled slowly

 

The answer lived in his chest like a wound that refused to close

 

“Not you,” he said honestly,   “And it wouldn’t be fair to keep lying”

 

Hana looked away first

“…I hope you regret this someday,” she whispered

 

Maybe he would

Maybe regret would follow him for the rest of his life

 

But lying had already destroyed him once

 

“I hope you’re happy,” he said instead

 

She didn’t respond

She just turned and walked away, heels clicking sharply against the floor,

 

each step carrying her farther out of his life

 

 

 

 

 

 

But when he stepped outside into the cold air

 

The city looked the same

People moved the same

Life went on, indifferent to his collapse

 

He pressed a hand to his chest

 

 

No family name

No inheritance

No safety net

 

And yet—

for the first time, his life felt like it belonged to him

 

It terrified him

 

It freed him

 

And somewhere, painfully out of reach, was the one person he had loved enough to lose everything for

 

Jin closed his eyes

 

“I chose you,” he whispered into the empty street

 

 

 

Even if it was too late

 

Notes:

I hope you are still rooting for them :)

Thanks for reading 💌☘️

Chapter 36: Blank Canvas

 

 

 

The following days were the slowest,rebuilding himself again felt like moving mountains

Jin didn’t expect the call

He had been sitting alone in his apartment,

sleeves rolled up, laptop open on the dining table he’d dragged closer to the window for light.

Papers were scattered everywhere,contracts, notes, drafts he kept rewriting like that alone might fix something inside him.

 

The phone rang

 

He stared at the screen for a long second before answering

 

“Seokjin-ah”

Mr. Choi’s voice was steady. Warm. Familiar in a way Jin hadn’t realized he needed.

 

“I heard,” the older man continued gently. “Yeonjun told me everything”

 

Jin swallowed

 

For a moment, he thought he might cry again. He was so tired of crying.

“I won’t ask you to explain,” Mr. Choi said. “Life already did enough explaining for you”

 

There was a pause, then—

“I consider you my other son”

 

Jin’s breath hitched

 

“You’ve helped me more than you know,” Mr. Choi went on.

“You’re one of the best people I’ve ever worked with. And I won’t let your father’s choices erase your worth”

 

Jin pressed his palm flat against the table, grounding himself

 

“I want us to work together,” Mr. Choi said.

“Officially. As partners. I’ll back you while you build your own name. Not Kim Holdings. Yours”

 

The silence stretched

 

Jin closed his eyes

 

He thought of everything his father had taken

His name

His inheritance

His place

 

 

Taehyung ...

 

And yet—

Something inside his chest loosened

 

“…Thank you,” Jin said finally, voice rough. “I won’t waste this”

 

“I know you won’t,” Mr. Choi replied warmly. “You never do”

 

When the call ended, Jin stayed where he was, staring at the blank wall in front of him

 

For the first time since everything fell apart, the future didn’t feel like a dead end

 

It felt… possible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Work had began immediately,

Jin worked from home at first,long days, longer nights.

He arrived early to virtual meetings, stayed late, responded to emails faster than anyone expected.

He didn’t stop moving because stopping meant thinking

 

Mr. Choi assigned Yeonjun as his direct assistant

 

Jin hesitated when he heard that

 

A part of him still felt guilty, deeply, painfully guilty,for dragging the younger man into his mess.

For letting his father believe things

For letting Yeonjun stand in the crossfire of a love that had never been his

 

But Yeonjun never brought it up

Instead, he showed up every day, organized, attentive, soft-spoken but steady.

 

“Hyung, I sent you the revised documents”

“Hyung, don’t forget to eat”

“Hyung, you’ve been staring at that screen for twenty minutes”

 

Jin found himself smiling sometimes

Not because he was happy

But because he was… grateful

Their relationship shifted quietly into something gentler.

Less charged. More honest. Yeonjun stopped flirting. Jin stopped flinching.

They worked side by side like two people who understood silence too well.

 

And slowly, almost imperceptibly, Jin’s life began to settle.

 

The work steadied him

The structure helped

The independence felt terrifying… and freeing.

 

He no longer belonged to his father’s shadow.

He belonged to himself

 

Only his heart hadn’t caught up yet

At night, when the apartment went quiet, Jin still felt hollow

 

Still reached for a cigarette he didn’t light

Still stared at his phone, thumb hovering over a name he never dialed

 

His life was moving forward again

 

But his heart,

 

His heart was still back there

Broken,

Loving

And refusing to let go

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jin’s first court appearance without his father’s name attached felt… unreal

The building was the same

The hallways smelled the same

The murmurs, the echo of polished shoes against marble floors , all painfully familiar.

But this time, when the clerk called his name, there was no weight behind it.

No Kim Holdings

No whispered recognition

No shadow looming behind his back

Just—

“Kim Seokjin.”

His name alone

For a brief second, standing there in his clean black suit,

Jin felt strangely naked. Like something essential had been stripped away… and yet—

 

His chest loosened

 

He did well

Of course he did

 

He spoke clearly, argued calmly,

his mind sharp and precise like it had always been. The judge nodded.

The opposing counsel listened. He won a small but meaningful ruling , nothing flashy, nothing grand.

But when it was over, when people dispersed and the room emptied,

No one came to clap him on the shoulder

No father’s proud gaze.

No legacy waiting to swallow the moment whole.

Just silence

And for the first time, Jin realized:

This victory was his

 

And it felt… lonely

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He worked harder after that

Too hardm

Days blurred together as he buried himself in case files, contracts, endless calls.

He arrived early. Left late. Sometimes forgot what day it was. Sometimes forgot to eat

 

Yeonjun noticed

 

“Hyung,” the younger would say gently,

hovering near the doorway of Jin’s home office  “You’ve been drinking coffee since morning. Please… eat something”

 

Jin would smile faintly. Promise he would

Then forget again

 

They worked together often now , late into the night, laptops open, papers spread across the table.

Yeonjun was efficient, attentive, quietly worried in a way Jin tried not to notice.

 

Sometimes, when Yeonjun finally left, Jin would find a neatly packed dinner box waiting in the fridge.

 

A sticky note on top, written in familiar, firm handwriting:

Please eat your meal on time

I will not say it again

 

Jin would huff out a small laugh at that

 

He used to have someone else who scolded him like that.

 

But nights were the hardest

When the apartment fell silent and the city lights dimmed outside his windows, Jin softened in ways he never allowed himself to during the day.

He would sit on the couch, jacket discarded, tie loosened, glass of liquor untouched beside him , Yeontan curled against his side like he belonged there.

 

The puppy had been quiet lately. Too quiet

 

Jin would bury his face into Yeontan’s fur, breathing him in, holding him close

 

“I’m sorry,” he’d whisper into the soft warmth

“I don’t know how to do this… but I’m trying”

 

Sometimes the tears came quietly. Sometimes they didn’t come at all, just burned behind his eyes, heavy and unresolved

He would stare at the ceiling, mind drifting despite himself

 

Taehyung’s laugh

Taehyung’s hands

The way he used to fuss over him, just like this

 

Jin pressed a hand over his eyes, breath shaking

 

Freedom tasted bitter when swallowed alone

 

Yet—

Somewhere deep inside him, beneath the grief and the loss, something fragile remained

He was free now

And even if it hurt…

This life, this pain, this quiet rebuilding—

It was his

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taehyung went back to drawing

Not the frantic kind from before, where his hands moved faster than his thoughts,

where colors bled into each other like wounds that wouldn’t close.

 

This time, it was quieter

His mother noticed first

 

She noticed how he sat for hours in front of a blank canvas,

charcoal resting loosely between his fingers, eyes unfocused,like his body was there, but his mind was somewhere else entirely.

 

The nightmares still came,

They never truly left

But Taehyung learned how to live with them now,how to wake up without screaming,

how to breathe through the lingering panic without letting it spill into the house.

He didn’t run to his parents’ room as often anymore. 

He endured

 

And that scared him more than the nightmares ever had

 

It felt like he’d aged fifty years in a few months

 

Like something inside him had grown up too fast

 

Sometimes, he would sit in his room late at night,

the lamp casting soft shadows across unfinished sketches, and stare at the canvas without blinking.

His mind always drifted back to the same place.

 

The floor

 

The blankets

 

Because in his mind, he wasn’t really in the room

 

He was still between those arms

 

Lying together on a cold floor that didn’t feel cold at all

 

When he closed his eyes, he could still feel it

the press of a solid chest against his cheek,

the steady rhythm of a heartbeat that somehow calmed his own,

 

the way his fears went silent the moment those arms closed around him.

It frightened him how real it still felt

How the nightmares,

the water, the drowning, the voices,

they all vanished the second he remembered that warmth.

 

Like the man had some quiet, supernatural power over him.

The same way he had that night at the campsite,

when Taehyung had woken shaking, breath broken,

and the moment Jin’s arms had wrapped around him,

the darkness had retreated.

 

As if it had never dared to touch him there.

Taehyung didn’t understand it.

He only knew that safety had always looked like him.

 

Some days, his hands moved again

charcoal scratching across paper, lines forming faces that were never finished

Broad shoulders

Strong arms

A jawline he erased again and again

 

Hands

 

Long fingers. Strong palms.

The faint tension in the tendons when they held him.

When they steadied him

When they promised safety without saying a word

 

He sketched slowly, carefully, like he was afraid the memory might shatter if he rushed it.

The pencil scratched softly

One hand overlapping another

 

Protective

 

Familiar

 

His chest ached

 

Why did the darkness always retreat when he was close to him?

 

Why did the water stop swallowing him the moment those arms wrapped around his body?

 

Taehyung’s lashes fluttered closed

 

He  pressed his palm flat against his chest rubbing softly as if  he chase the dread away

 

 

Sometimes, when the ache became too much, he found himself searching Italy on his laptop.

 

Florence , Milan,  Rome

 

Sunlit studios. Old streets soaked in history. Art spilling out of every corner.

 

He imagined himself theremstarting over

 

Not as a heartbroken Taehyung, but as an artist. Someone new. Someone whole.

 

Vantè

 

The thought almost made him smile

 

Almost

 

But every time, his fingers froze over the keyboard

 

And he shut the laptop

 

Because Italy meant distance

 

And distance meant leaving that warmth behind

 

Leaving him

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One evening, on the subway ride home,

 

Taehyung found himself watching a couple standing near the glass doors. Two high school boys,one a little taller, a little older.

The younger one was drowsy, leaning heavily against the other’s shoulder as the train swayed.

 

The older boy had an arm wrapped securely around his waist, steadying him.

When the train lurched, he instinctively pulled the younger closer, then shrugged off his school jacket and draped it over the smaller body without a word.

 

Careless. Natural. Protective

 

Taehyung’s breath hitched

The memory slammed into him without warning

 

Him,  drunk, upset, unsteady

and strong hands guiding him, warming him, covering him with a hoodie he still wore far too often.

Because he remembered everything the next morning.

 

Taehyung looked away quickly, eyes burning

blinking hard as his throat tightened, forcing the image out of his mind before the tears could fall.

 

God

 

He’d been in love long before he’d understood what it meant

 

And even now

 

Even after everything

 

His heart still reached for the same warmth.

 

The same man

 

The same cruel, gentle safety

 

Taehyung lowered his gaze, fingers curling around the strap of his bag,

 

and rode the rest of the way home in silence, carrying a love that refused to leave him, no matter how far he tried to run.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeonjun found Taehyung outside the art building that afternoon

 

Taehyung froze the moment he saw him

 

he still remmber that face 

 

The older man stood a few steps away, bowing politely, awkwardly, like he wasn’t sure he had the right to be here.

Taehyung returned the bow automatically, his body moving before his heart could catch up.

 

They didn’t talk there

 

They walked in silence to one of the campus coffee shops instead,

 

choosing a table tucked away near the window.

The place smelled like roasted beans and quiet afternoons, students murmuring softly around them.

 

Yeonjun was the first to speak

 

“Jin-hyung… isn’t doing well”

 

Taehyung’s fingers tightened around his cup

"How do you find my address ?"

 

"I..I ..did my research" Yeonjun replied hesitatingly

 

He continued carefully, like he was walking on glass “He skips meals. Drinks almost every night.

Smokes too much. Lives on coffee and work. I’m… scared he’ll make himself sick”

 

“I don’t care anymore,” Taehyung said sharply, the words leaving his mouth before he could stop them.

 

The air between them stiffened

 

Yeonjun flinched but didn’t retreat. “Please,” he said quietly.

“I’m asking you this… personally”

 

He bowed his head then

 

A real bow

 

Like a plea

Taehyung stared at him, stunned, anger and worry colliding violently in his chest.

He hated this

Hated how Jin could still reach him through someone else.

 

Hated how hearing his name still cracked something open inside him.

And worse—

He hated the jealousy

 

“Why do you care?” Taehyung asked, his voice sharper than he meant it to be

 

Yeonjun froze, eyes widening slightly. “I—”

 

“Do you love him?” Taehyung cut in, unable to stop himself now

 

The question trembled between them, raw and exposed

 

Yeonjun hesitated

 

Then he lowered his gaze

 

“…Yeah,” he admitted softly. “I do”

 

The words hit Taehyung like a punch to the chest

 

His eyes burned instantly

 

“And him?” Taehyung asked, forcing the words out. “Does he love you?”

 

Yeonjun shook his head slowly

 

“No,” he said. Then, after a pause, he looked back up at Taehyung. “He already has someone”

 

Taehyung turned his face away as tears slipped free despite his effort to hold them back.

 

Of course

Of course he did

 

 

“I’m sorry,” Yeonjun whispered.

 

Taehyung didn’t answer

 

Yeonjun stood, hesitated once more like he wanted to say something else—but didn’t.

He bowed again before leaving, footsteps quiet as they disappeared into the noise of the café.

 

Taehyung stayed seated long after

 

Hands clenched

 

Heart aching

 

Angry at Jin

 

Jealous of Yeonjun

 

Terrified for the man he loved

 

And furious at himself for still caring so much.

 

 

Taehyung didn’t realize his hands were shaking until Yeonjun was already gone

 

The café door closed softly behind him, the bell chiming once—too gentle for the wreck it left behind.

 

Taehyung stayed seated for a moment,

staring at the empty chair across from him. The air still felt heavy with Yeonjun’s presence, with his bowed head,

with the way he had said yeah, I do so quietly it felt like a confession and an apology all at once.

 

He’s starving himself

He’s drinking every night

I’m scared he’ll get sick

 

The words crawled under Taehyung’s skin

 

“I don’t care anymore,” he had said

And maybe that was a lie

Or maybe it was the only way he knew how to survive.

 

When he finally stood, his legs felt weak—like he had left something essential behind on that chair.

His chest ached, tight and hollow at the same time, like it was being crushed inward.

 

He didn’t go back to class

 

He went straight to the studio

 

The moment the door shut behind him, something in Taehyung broke.

 

The quiet was unbearable.

 

The wide, white space—his space—felt suddenly hostile.

The canvases lined against the walls stared back at him,

blank and accusing, like they were waiting for something he no longer knew how to give.

 

He laughed once

 

A short, sharp sound that didn’t belong to him

 

“Why…” his voice cracked. “Why does it hurt like this?”

 

Anger surged through him, hot and uncontrollable.

 

He grabbed the nearest canvas and shoved it hard—sending it crashing to the floor.

Another followed. Then another

 

Paint smeared under his palms as he dragged his hands across one piece, ruining hours of work in seconds.

He didn’t stop. Couldn’t stop

 

Brushes clattered. Jars tipped over. The sharp scent of paint filled the room.

 

He kicked a stool. It fell with a dull thud.

 

“Why do you care?” he had snapped at Yeonjun.

 

The truth clawed its way up his throat.

 

Because he cared

 

Because even now—angry, jealous, hurt beyond reason—Taehyung still cared so much it made him sick.

 

His knees gave out

 

He collapsed onto the floor amid the mess he’d made, breath coming in broken gasps.

His hands clenched into fists against his thighs, nails biting into his skin like punishment.

 

Tears came hard and fast

 

“I hate you,” he whispered—not sure who he meant.

 

Jin. Yeonjun. Himself

 

He pressed his palms to his eyes, shaking

 

“I hate this… I hate feeling like this…”

 

The worry came back again, sharper now

 

What if he really gets sick?

What if he’s alone right now?

What if no one is holding him when it hurts?

 

That thought shattered him completely

 

A sob tore out of his chest

 

He bent forward, forehead hitting the cold floor,

crying openly now—loud, ugly, unrestrained

 

Anger

Jealousy

Fear

Love

 

They tangled inside him until he couldn’t tell them apart.

 

Through his blurred vision, something caught his eye.

 

One canvas

 

Still standing

 

Untouched

 

His unfinished drawing

 

Taehyung lifted his head slowly,

crawling toward it like it was the only solid thing left in the room.

 

Hands

 

Strong hands.

 

Careful hands.

 

Familiar hands

 

He stared at the sketch, chest heaving, tears dripping onto the floor beneath him.

 

His fingers hovered in the air, trembling—like he was afraid to touch it, afraid it would disappear if he did.

 

“I can’t forget you,” he whispered brokenly

 

The memory hit him all at once

 

Warmth

Arms around him

 

The way his nightmares vanished the moment he was held.

The way his body had known safety before his mind ever did.

 

Taehyung pressed his face into his hands and cried harder

 

“Why do you feel like home,” he sobbed. “Why only you?”

 

His shoulders shook violently

 

He hated that those hands still lived in his muscle memory

Hated that his body remembered being safe before his heart understood love

Hated that even now, at his worst, all he wanted was to be pulled into that warmth again.

 

The studio echoed with his crying

 

And in the middle of broken canvases and ruined paint, Taehyung clung to the one thing he hadn’t destroyed yet—

The shape of the man he loved.

 

The hands he could never let go of.

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

I just realized this story has surpreseed 140K already , Woow.. didn't expect it to go this far

I posted it today because I don't want you to wait , may regret later :")

Thanks for reading