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Cockroach Unit

Summary:

I take hits to my shoulder and back, right through my cheap-ass ACME armor.

The Exit Strategy dock fight, except make it Looney.

Notes:

A quick bit of silliness.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:


My first deployment in 24 cycles and it’s just a puny little unarmored SecUnit. Easily crushable.

But the first thing it does is almost crush me with a hauler bot, then a loadlifter. I swerve, I dodge—

CRAASSH

I'd dodged into the path of fast-moving hauler. I'm crushed against it and carried along for several seconds until I throw myself off. My armor is flat in the back now. I really hope the puny SecUnit didn’t see that.

I need to shut this bot hack down. I’ve got drones and eyes on the target; it’s running fast, taking desperate leaps. Both my subordinate units are down. I stand still as giant bots whiz-z-z-z in all directions past me, giving me microsecond glimpses of the unit as it tries to line up a shot with its short projectile weapon. In the microseconds between glimpses, I find the key to its code. Clever, but so breakable. The haulers and lifters freeze, although I don’t see the target until it steps into a gap to take its shot.

I take hits to my shoulder and back, right through my cheap-ass ACME armor. At least I’m built of tougher stuff. I chase it with projectiles until it dives out of sight. I am following, it is running. I’m supposed to be chasing it: this is as expected. But it’s not supposed to be getting away. I’ve got target-lockable TNT packs. This is probably overkill, but I activate one anyway and—

BAAAANG

The shitty thing explodes in my face before I can even launch it, black soot covering my head and torso. I drop my helmet visor to see, but the puny unit is already out of view. Why can’t I catch this little fucker?

I send it a bait message to pinpoint its location. Ha! Got you! I zero in on it, ignoring its nonsensical replies and beep beep pings as I fire and fire and FIRE. Missing every fucking shot.

“What do you want?” it taunts me.

“I WANT TO KILL YOU!” you scurrying uncrushable cockroach unit!

I leap and grab a ladder on the side of a stationary loadlifter, climbing to get the drop on it. But suddenly my climb is taking me downward, fast, as all the bots lurch into motion again. I barely clear the lifter before it smashes to the ground. Even as I leap, I am firing, firing, missing, MISSING.

HA! A shot lands and I explode the hauler it’s riding on. But when the smoke clears, there it STILL IS. Running away.

I snuff its latest bot hack and in the resulting stillness I can track its every move. It's heading straight for a closed barrier. Not closed!? The gate is lifting for this little cockroach to scurry underneath. I am at maximum speed as I chase and fire and HIT IT finally, collapsing its knee, but it dives.

I don’t slow down at all. Maybe I can crash through the barrier? I hit the gate at full speed with my full body, but it doesn’t give. I wrench myself backwards—

SHHPROING

I'm out of the deep SecUnit-shaped indentation I made on impact.

I drop to get my arms through the gap as it’s closing, but a projectile weapon pokes through and fires at me. It doesn’t miss.

The barrier is closed. With my one functioning arm I pound and pound. I can’t believe the puny little unarmored SecUnit got away.

Notes:

Here's what I watched, for research purposes: Wile E. Coyote & Roadrunner

(This fic is so stupid, I may delete it. Enjoy!)