Tuesday's Soulmates

by EdenIsFalling

Summary:

He was told his future partner was born on a Tuesday, just like he was...

Flash fiction ekphrasis series celebrating people’s favorite BossNoeul/EulBoss moments.

Chapter 1: Jeab

Summary:

When the audience leaves, only the two of them remain on stage.

Notes:

For Cammie, and for this moment 🤍

The stage is empty, preternaturally quiet now that the theater is empty and the echo of applause has died down. Even in sneakers Noeul’s footsteps are loud in the cavernous space as he enters stage right and crosses over to where Boss is sitting. 

Boss looks younger than he is, dressed again in street clothes - baggy jeans, baggier t-shirt - even with his hair still stiff with gel and mascara making his large eyes look even bigger. Even more full of starlight when he looks up at Noeul and smiles at him. 

Noeul smiles back but doesn’t say anything, just sits next to Boss, pressed together shoulder to hip to knee. Boss looks younger, but Noeul can feel the quiet maturity in these moments where, after the crowds go home and the lights dim and the last notes dissipate into the ether, Boss takes a breath. Meditates in the silence afterwards. Grounds himself. He doesn’t get the chance to do it all the time after events, but he always grabs the opportunity when it appears.

His hand finds Noeul’s thigh, squeezing more gently than usual. Noeul puts his own hand over Boss’ and squeezes as well. They both keep sitting together, syncopation becoming their breathing, their pulses. 

Boss will speak soon enough, give Noeul that exhausted yet satisfied smile and ask if he’d like to spend the night. The answer will be yes (always a yes) and they’ll take a shower to wash the remnants of stardom off of each other’s skin, and then curl around each other in bed like a question and an answer. 

(Always a yes.)

Noeul expects Boss to say something similar to what he usually does after he drinks in the peace after chaos, the event he’s worked so hard for and sacrificed to make success. To express wonder and gratitude, to remark on how he still gets overwhelmed in all the good ways that this is his life now. 

“I can’t believe you actually wore a jeab costume for me,” is what Boss says, surprising Noeul. It makes Noeul laugh under his breath to hear the amusement in Boss’ voice, the slight awe underneath it. 

“Don’t get too used to it. That thing was so hot,” Noeul teases back, but he squeezes Boss’ hand again and lays his head on his shoulder to show that he knows what it means to Boss that he did wear it. That he danced in it and came up with the idea in the first place and orchestrated it. 

There’s an entire world in the nickname Noeul gave Boss on a whim one day, and Noeul got to see that world light up in full on Boss’ face when he took the chick's head off. Noeul feels Boss’ lips on his hair now, moving over the strands, and again it feels like that world brightens for a moment. The way it always does when it’s just them, after the lights are down, after the eyes are gone.

“You really would give me anything, wouldn’t you?” Boss whispers, his voice thick with emotion. Noeul smiles and again looks over the sea of empty chairs, the dark walls, him and Boss the only two beings in this brief peace of being totally alone together on the planet. 

Noeul kisses Boss’ cheek, then the corner of his lips. 

“I’d give you the entire world. Until I can, I just hope I’m enough,” Noeul whispers. Boss leans away at that, his smile wavering as his eyes glass over.

It’ll never be in front of an audience of adoring fans, and it will always be outside of the characters they play, but when Noeul lets Boss finally kiss him on stage, it’s after Boss tells him the thing that makes all Noeul’s answers affirmative:

“You already are my entire world, Noeun.”

Chapter 2: Hold

Summary:

You know, Boss, you don't have to be the only strong one...

Notes:

For Ester, and for this moment 🤍

Boss loves when Noeul is on his lap. 

It’s not a sexual thing — well, not all the time, at least — though there are the physical aspects of course. The way Noeul is slender but the weight of him settling across Boss’ thighs feels like something settling his soul as well. The way Boss can envelope Noeul in his arms and feel how soft his hair is and how sweet his voice is as Noeul laughs at something a staff member is joking about with Boss. The way when no one is looking, Boss can press his lips just under Noeul’s ear and whisper about how amazing he smells and how cute he is as Phukan. 

But it’s the non-physical things that Boss loves, too. He has always had a strong desire to be a safe space for the people he cares about, and that included Noeul within the first few minutes of their meeting. Boss likes being leaned on, being a rock for Noeul, being a support when Noeul is exhausted during a hot day on set and collapses in Boss’ arms, a fan blowing on them and Noeul falling asleep almost instantly as Boss just keeps holding him and gives Noeul those desperately needed few minutes of rest between takes, Boss whispering “Go ahead and sleep. I’ve got you, ter. ”

Boss knows what it is to be safe for someone, and being that for Noeul has always been a privilege he adores. One that he wants to do for as long as Noeul will let him. 

“Mm, feel so comfortable,” Noeul grouses when Boss plants a kiss against his temple and murmurs that it’s time to get up to film the next scene. It’s going to be a hard one, and Boss has been mentally preparing himself all day for it. But with Noeul blinking his eyes open and giving Boss that look that’s just for him, the one that Boss carries in his heart always, Boss knows they’ll make the scene beautiful even in the angst. 

Nothing could prepare Boss enough, it turns out, and the scene hits Boss way harder than he thought it would, sorrow coursing through him even after he steps out of Cirrus’ character. Even after P’James says “Cut and wrap!” His body is still trembling, coursing with the emotions he drew up from the deepest, darkest parts of himself. Imagining losing someone he loves is something Boss refuses to do, and tapping into it to get the tears out of Cirrus scares him in a way he can’t name because he’s too afraid to.

Noeul holds him, afterwards, just for a minute. His fingers stroke over Boss’ hair and without needing to say anything, Boss can tell Noeul is quietly urging him to just breathe with him. Reminding Boss it’s okay, it was just acting. It does calm Boss down, but he’s still a bit shaken, like he’s lines in a coloring book and someone scribbled over them a bit rather than fill him in properly.

He accepts the praise, the compliments from the staff and from P’Mame and P’James. Boss is proud of himself and the job he did, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t leave him a little raw when he gets back to the trailer and slumps down in the chair in front of the dressing table next to Noeul, who looks up from his phone and instantly sets it down, his brow creased in worry as he looks at Boss. 

“Come here,” is all Noeul says, and it sort of confuses Boss because he’s already next to Noeul. 

But then Noeul pats his thighs before holding out his arms again, and Boss is bigger and bulkier and has never done this, but he stands after a moment and awkwardly sits on Noeul’s lap. 

Boss can see the bitten-back smile on Noeul’s face in their reflection in the mirror as Boss shifts restlessly on Noeul’s legs. He’s not used to this, hasn’t sat on anyone’s lap since he was a six year-old and his mae still held him like this. But Noeul’s smile softens, turns a lot gentler, and he smoothes his hands over Boss’ arms to put one around Noeul’s shoulder and the other around his waist. He brings Boss’ knee closer, tucking Boss into his own body.

“I was so impressed with you today, Chaikamon,” Noeul murmurs as Boss feels a hand curve around the side of his head and pull him down until his cheek is resting against Noeul’s shoulder. “And I know it took a lot out of you. Let me hold you for a bit, okay?”

Boss laughs, a hollowed out little sound, as if the idea is absurd. “Noeun, you’ve got it backwards. You’re always the one who sits on my lap.”

Noeul hums as if he’s agreeing, but then his arms lock around Boss, keeping him safe. “Maybe, but not tonight. I can be your rock too, you know. Even like this.”

Boss can feel himself tense up, can feel the words “I’m fine, really” start to bubble up in his throat, is already thinking he’s going to get on his feet and make Noeul giggle by using his strength to flip Noeul onto his lap, correcting their order and position and making everything tilt upright again after being off-balance since filming.

He doesn’t do anything of those things, though. He doesn’t need to with Noeul. Boss closes his eyes and breathes in Noeul’s scent, the airy floral and rich woody notes of his perfume. He lets his own weight sink onto Noeul, who is leaner and less muscular but still very strong on his own. Boss lets his legs drape over Noeul’s and curls his hands into Noeul’s shirt and even lets himself wet Noeul’s collar with a few tears.

Boss lets Noeul hold him, because Noeul always has. He lets Noeul surround him in safety, just like he does for Noeul. And later when the tears are gone and Boss will feel more like he’s within his own lines again, Noeul will kiss his temple and tell him the same thing Boss always tells him. 

“I’ve got you, ter. ”

Chapter 3: Breath

Summary:

Just close your eyes and breathe through it, baby, I got you.

Notes:

For Alli, and for this moment 🤍

It’s been a while since a panic attack has hit him, but Noeul recognizes the creep of one starting instantly. One minute he’s okay, smiling for the dozens of cameras focused on him and responding to Boss’ comments and little jokes that the fans are eating up like the desserts in front of them.

But the next minute Noeul can feel his skin tightening, his breath becoming both shallower and quicker. Boss is saying something, answering a question maybe, but Noeul’s hearing is sort of fading out from the edges like too much dark watercolor spreading over paper. 

He forces himself to smile, even as his mind is telling him to run. He answers yes to a question Boss asks him, but doesn’t know what he’s affirming.

Suddenly, Boss is there, right behind him and with his hands on Noeul’s shoulders. Noeul is still panicking, but relief is within his grasp, seeping out in small waves from under Boss’ firm palms. It’s not enough to make the anxiety go away, but it’s lessening and Noeul should be back to normal soon, hopefully with no one none the wiser. 

But Boss’ hands move, and before the panic can roar back to full strength at the loss of touch, darkness covers Noeul. He feels his eyelashes brush against Boss’ hands as he closes his eyes, and he doesn’t need Boss to speak in order to know what he’s communicating. 

Breathe, Noeun.

Boss has always been attuned to Noeul’s needs. To a degree that would be eerie if it hadn’t absolutely grabbed Noeul by the heart and never let go. He was the first person who noticed the anxiety during some events, the panic attacks that were as rare as they were unpredictable. One day, a crowd of hundreds might not faze Noeul, but on the next he might have to cold sweat through a brand appearance with an in-house audience of only fifteen or twenty people, every nerve in his body crackling in fight or flight.

Noeul hates it about himself. But Boss only hates that Noeul had to go through it. 

The fans react loudly of course, a cacophony of oohs and ohs the backing track to the steady clickclickclick of so many cameras capturing the way Boss carefully tilts Noeul’s head back, exposing his throat and then holding him in place, warm hands over fluttering eyelids. 

Boss is soft with Noeul. Even when it comes to dominance. They play up the daddy/baby dynamic, the dom and his brat that made them rocket to popularity. They learned things about each other through it. 

Noeul and Boss learned so many things about themselves through it.

Take a breath for me, Noeul. Just feel my hands.

Noeul does, a shaky inhale that makes Boss press the crown of Noeul’s head into his chest as he leans down and over. Noeul knows he’s checking in, that even as Boss is likely smiling and posing for the fans’ lenses, his first thought is of Noeul. 

That idea settles Noeul. The idea that Boss is focused solely on him. He’s used to that sort of focus, especially now when so many years of the intimacy they so easily fell into together has evolved and bloomed into something far deeper. Even more firmly rooted than before.

Calm begins to roll over Noeul like a fog. He’s always been safe under these hands, always been loved. Worshiped. 

“Good boy,” Boss whispers behind his almost-closed lips as Noeul’s next exhale is smoother, free of its stuttering beginnings. The panic in Noeul dissipates, the confetti of its remnants in his system mixing in with the comfort of being under Boss’ hands and voice and the hint of arousal at the same. 

It only takes a few more seconds, but Noeul is calm. He’s okay. Boss keeps his hands over his eyes for just a fraction longer, and then slowly slides them away. Noeul opens his eyes to see Boss’ looking down at him. Playful, concerned, full of not a little bit of heat at bringing their private play into public just a fraction.

Soft. So soft for Noeul. 

Noeul smiles, and sends Boss back a silent message using his eyes alone, one that makes the lingering bits of tension melt away from Boss’ body and allows them both to continue together. 

Thank you for giving me a chance to take a breath, Noeul’s look says. Boss smiles again, and Noeul can see the slight puckering of his lips that tells Noeul that Boss got his message loud and clear. 

Noeul can breathe again, and for the rest of the night whenever he can get away with it, his hand finds Boss’ to tap his fingers against the life line etched in Boss’ palm. 

To tell Boss that Noeul is still breathing with him.

Chapter 4: Pup

Summary:

A collar is only a command if you want it.

Notes:

For Pil, and for this moment 🤍

Like most kinks, they both stumble upon theirs sort of by surprise. Then the flash of recognition in their gut. Then them turning to each other and saying “Can I ask you about something?” with that tone of voice that stills the other person and commands them to listen. 

Boss had felt that spark deep in his gut earlier, when he had acted like a puppy during the live and Noeul had patted his head and cooed at him like Boss was indeed a beloved pet. And it made Boss fumble a little bit because he’s not unfamiliar with collars and how they look when he and Noeul are alone and leather is across the smooth skin of a throat like a lingering kiss from lips that can’t leave flesh. 

Boss just didn’t realize he wanted it for himself. 

They always give each other an out. No questions asked. And Noeul is even softer than usual when Boss enters the bedroom, his dark eyes locking on Boss with heat and intensity and the opening for so much trust. 

The black leather spanning the space between Noeul’s hands is much less soft than the look Noeul is layering all over Boss’ bare skin. 

“Come here.”

Command, expectation. But not mandatory. Not something that Boss will be punished for if he doesn’t listen. He steps forward, pauses. Drops to his knees, then his hands. The floor is smooth like skin under his palms, and Noeul’s gaze is on him, pulling Boss like an invisible leash. 

He doesn’t have to do this, he knows. He trusts that more than he’s trusted anything. Boss has complete and total trust in Noeul, in them, in these hallowed moments carved free from anything or anyone else, a sanctuary made of air and understanding and heart.

But Boss raises his head, and the way the leather looks in Noeul’s hands makes his stomach clench in that recognition from earlier. The way the silver hardware gleams in the dim lights of the bedroom. The way Noeul’s thighs look encased in black leather as well, an altar, a destination, a frame in which Boss fits so well.

“Come here, pup.”

If Noeul asks a third time and Boss doesn’t, they won’t continue. They’ll stop, and Noeul’s hands will drop the collar and pick up Boss’ skin, will press reassurance into every inch of flesh. So much trust.

So much heart.

Boss looks at the collar again, and can feel it already being secured by those same hands. The ones he knows better than his own. The ones that have been all over him, in him. 

Noeul doesn’t need to ask a third time. 

Boss drops his head, and comes to Noeul.

Chapter 5: Protector

Summary:

Sleep, and I'll stay awake and keep watch over you.

Notes:

For Jen, and for this moment 🤍

Noeul hadn’t exactly forgotten how hard filming is, but he is still wrung out from it all the same. So much so that when they’re on the fourth straight 12-hour day of shooting, the lines on the script page double then triple, blurred and burning. It’s been so hot out too, the kind of oppressive heat that’s making Noeul’s exhaustion just feel that much heavier, as if it’s in his very bones.

The shade under the tent protecting the extra equipment provides little respite from the cruel sun, but there’s water and fans blowing and Noeul’s own chair is there acting as a siren call to his body. He is so tired , and he could cry at even just the mere idea of sitting.

“Hey puen rak,” Boss says, throwing an arm around Noeul’s shoulder and jostling him. It nearly makes Noeul whimper; he adores Boss, utterly, but he just can’t talk right now. He can barely move, though with the way Boss is manhandling Noeul towards the chairs waiting for them, it’s not like Noeul has to do much walking on his own anyway. 

Boss is chatty with passing staff and crew members, extroverted like usual. He likes people, and wants everyone to feel like they belong. It’s one of Noeul’s favorite things about Boss, how his partner makes space for people. 

But right now it’s the last thing Noeul wants. He mumbles gratitude towards someone who hands him a cold bottle of water, a person whose face is blotted out in the brightness of the sun. When Boss stops to talk to someone else, Noeul actually lets out a whine, tugging on Boss’ shirt listlessly.

The change in Boss is instant. “P’Cherry, can you please bring that white fan over here? Nong, can you grab another bottle of water, and ask P’James and P’Sakda if we can take a long lunch? I’ll tell them when we can start shooting again.”

Noeul finds himself corralled into a chair, a fan blowing directly onto his face to push his sweaty bangs back, and one cold bottle of water between his hands as another is placed against the back of his neck.

“Is too cold,” he grumbles even though it feels heavenly, condensation dripping down under the collar of his shirt. Boss chuckles, low and just loud enough that Noeul can hear it over the humming of fans.

“Shh, it’ll feel good. Come on, baby, just relax for your Chai.”

Noeul feels a blush creep up his neck; Boss calls him lots of pet names, and it’s not like they’re a secret or anything really - not exactly - but Boss’ sweet talking makes two members of the production crew gawk at them. Noeul can feel even from a few feet away the urge that the one woman has to take out her phone and snap a picture, and indeed her hand drifts to her jeans pocket.

Boss notices it too, and Noeul presses his face against Boss’ shoulder to laugh as he feels his partner go stock still. Noeul knows what’s coming, and he nuzzles against the warm, clean-smelling fabric of white cotton, feeling safe.

“Excuse me, nong? If my boyfriend wants to rest, he’s going to rest without disruption. And without you taking a picture. Or do you want to work another seven hours on top of the eight we’ve already done?”

Boss is one of the kindest, gentlest people Noeul knows. He’s always so nice, smiles at everyone, is warm and friendly and extroverted enough for both of them. But Noeul has to hide his smile, because this Boss? The stern, protective, assertive one?

Noeul’s the only one that makes that side of Boss come out.

“You didn’t have to be so harsh to them,” Noeul chides after the staff quickly leaves the area, clearing the space for just Noeul and Boss. Gravity and the weight of Boss’ arm around him work together to pull Noeul down and against Boss’ chest, his eyelids descending along with his body. 

“Don’t care. You’re more important than everyone else combined,” Boss murmurs, and Noeul knows Boss doesn’t exactly mean it — he's too good a person to believe that — but Noeul has to hide his face again because even with sleep already beginning to drag him under, his heart is fluttering. 

“I’m not gonna sleep. Just needa couple minutes,” Noeul slurs, already beginning to sink into the weightlessness of unconsciousness. 

“Take an hour if you need to. I’ll make sure no one bothers you.”

“You need rest too, jeab...”

“You first. Not a single person will wake you before you’re ready, I promise.”

“... I’m too heavy?”

“Never. Go to sleep, my Noeul. I’ll protect you.

Dramatic boy, Noeul thinks, but he presses a quick, grateful kiss to the inside of Boss’ bicep because he knows that Boss will indeed protect him. From anyone disrupting his break, or from anyone taking unwanted photos. From anyone, anywhere or anytime, that would disturb Noeul’s peace

Though he swears he won’t fall asleep because he wants Boss to get a break too, Noeul slips into slumber so fast and so hard that he’ll have to watch the video P’Cherry took of them later – the only one Boss allowed – to believe he had been so sound asleep. 

All while Boss held him, letting Noeul rest and protecting his peace while he slept.

Chapter 6: Boy

Summary:

He's just a boy. He's just everything.

Notes:

For Paola, and for this moment 🤍

It’s just a boy. 

It’s just a boy he met. He’s met plenty of boys before. Been friends with lots, gone to school with even more. Maybe even kissed one or two. Just playing around, the way boys do. 

It’s just a boy he met at an audition, one of dozens of boys in the room. Boys all nervous with their overly styled hair and tugging at their clothing and with the demo script shaking in between their fingers. A few confident ones, too, more used to this and less nervous. All of them sizing each other up. 

Is he going to be better than me? Am I more attractive than him? Are they going to pick me over that boy, or that one, or that one? Which boy will it be?

There will be only one boy he pays attention to.

This boy is cute. Very cute. He’s dressed like he’s in university, like the character he’s auditioning for. White shirt loose around his lean frame, black pants highlighting his slender legs. He looks young, playfulness apparent in the cheeky way he grins, his little bunny teeth poking out in a way that makes this boy want to do things to make that boy smile as often as he can.

This boy is handsome. Exceptionally so. He has a nice profile, and his voice swings deeper at times, and his shoulders aren’t incredibly broad but they’re well-defined. His Adam’s apple is something that is impossible to ignore, and his fingers are long where they lay on this boy’s wrist when the handsome boy asks him if he’s eaten yet. He owns the gesture when he motions to the refreshment table, power in his elegance.

This boy is beautiful. Devastatingly intoxicating. His eyes are like lakes reflecting stars, dark and twinkling with his emotions. His lips are the kind that are made for kissing, for worshipping. He smells like heaven and his skin is so smooth when he pulls down his collar for a moment to fan at his neck, sending both his fragrance and the sight of his throat over to entice.

It’s just a boy, but Boss feels like his entire world is slowly shifting its own weight so that boy can be in it. As friends, as coworkers. As anything. He’s drawn into this boy, and they get up together to read the lines. To look into each other’s eyes and act tender and like they love each other.

Boss doesn’t love this boy, not yet, but he already knows he could. Very much.

When the audition is over, it feels like everyone in the entire room lets out a sigh of relief. Nothing to do but wait, to hope for the call, to get good news.

Boss cares, but he cares more about whether or not when he calls this boy, this boy will want to keep talking to him. 

Noeul. 

The name is foreign and beautiful even encased under the glass of Boss’ phone screen, digital scripture at his fingertips. He’s just a boy, and they might not get the parts, or one of them might and the other might not, or they might not discover they have anything in common after all and just keep each other’s names in their phones as a footnote in their personal, separate histories. Oh right, this boy I met once.

Boss doesn’t want to be a footnote. He opens up Line and types a simple message to Noeul. No pressure, nothing serious. His heart beats fast, though, seconds passing like hours because he really did like this boy. A lot. Something about him was different, really special. 

Noeul is just a boy, but when he responds just another couple of seconds later, those seconds turn into over an hour of chatting.

Noeul is just a boy, but when they both get the parts, their excitement is doubled because they will be with each other. 

Noeul is just a boy, but Boss falls in love with him. As a friend. As a coworker. As something more, something they can’t name, something they don’t really care to. 

And a couple years later, when Noeul says yes, Boss will know that he’s never been just a boy. He’s always been Noeul, someone beautiful and cute and handsome. Someone who has always been meant to be a fixture in Boss’ world . Someone who has always been Boss’.

Just like Boss has always been Noeul’s.

Chapter 7: Dare

Summary:

One dare leads to another, leads to another...

Notes:

For Yessy, and for this moment 🤍

Daou being a troublemaker, Japanese whiskey, the freedom of traveling abroad, and the laughter from Offroad after Daou says “I dare you to kiss him, then!” all conspire together to catch Noeul unaware but also unsurprised as Boss grabs him at the dinner table and kisses him all over. His lips, his cheek, his chin, even his nose and eyebrow are all peppered with kisses. 

Noeul laughs along with the others. The staff around them who have given up the idea of pretending not to know, Boss in his ear and with his cologne all over Noeul’s shirt, and their friends on the video call back home in Bangkok. Everyone knows what the BossNoeul experience is about.

For both Noeul and Boss, the shift between them has been so expected that it feels welcome: years of more than friends with plenty of benefits but less than lovers (so much less) had to either break or change. Being on set again and remembering what love on his skin feels like when it’s put there by Boss’ hands or lips or tongue when he’s in character has made Noeul happier than he’s been in a while. 

But it’s still not quite there yet. 

They’re closer than ever now that they’re filming together again. The physical benefits to their relationship have increased to the point that Noeul thinks at least a quarter of Boss’ clothes are in his closet to make heading to work the morning after sleepovers much easier. 

But they’re still friends. Sort of. The kind of friends a real couple like Daou and Offroad will poke and prod around the edges to suss out what’s really going on, and give each other looks that convey entire conversations when Boss insists that he and Noeul are just friends. They both agreed long ago that there’s simply too much at stake to become anything more. 

That feels like a different lifetime in some ways, Noeul thinks to himself as he and Boss sit almost on top of each other in the van back to the hotel. Things are more stable for each of them. They have side businesses, and future plans. Boss has his eyes on a house, and Noeul is thinking of the property he bought out in the country. 

Boss is going to love it there. Picturing what he’d look like sitting in the sun and breathing the fresh air while he strums his guitar was one of the deciding factors for Noeul when he put in an offer. 

He’s starting to think about the future a lot more lately, and his future has Boss in it in a way that’s different from how they’ve said they’re always going to be in each other’s lives.

Their hotel room is cool and dark, the millions of lights of the Tokyo skyline the stars lighting the space enough that when Boss moves to turn on the light after they shut the door behind them, Noeul puts his hand on Boss.

“Wait,” Noeul says, because Boss looks so pretty in the light of an urban starfield, and because there’s still the memory of his kiss being so public on Noeul’s lips. 

“Hm? What’s wrong?” Boss is concerned but unworried, his eyes searching Noeul’s to make sure everything is okay. It is, but it could be better, and Noeul puts his arms around Boss’ neck. 

“I dare you to kiss me.”

Boss is leaning forward before Noeul even finishes the sentence, a smirk on his lips and his kiss landing with the kind of slow intensity that always makes Noeul ask for more. 

“Was that good?” Boss asks after a minute, pulling away. His eyes move down to take in Noeul’s spit-slick lip, and Noeul tightens his hold around Boss. It’s all so familiar.

But it could be better. It could be everything Noeul knows they both want.

“What if I dared you to kiss me like you want to be with me for real?” Noeul asks. It’s a loaded question, and he almost regrets it as soon as it leaves his mouth because if only one of them has feelings, if only one of them is thinking of that kind of future…

Boss goes still for a moment, and then he’s pushing Noeul back against the wall. Not roughly, but with a grounding sort of firmness that makes Noeul’s stomach swoop. Boss looks at him and the lights from the city are too low to see exactly what emotions are making his eyes do that soft, shimmering thing they’re doing right now, but he’s even prettier when he looks like this. When he’s about to be honest, and open. 

Even if the honesty brings an answer Noeul doesn’t want to hear, at least Boss will be beautiful while delivering the blow. 

“Every single time I kiss you I do it so that you know we’re real,” Boss says quietly, and his hands around Noeul’s waist are shaking a little bit, but Noeul steadies them under his own even though his own eyes are starting to water. 

“Since when?” Noeul asks, a bit breathless as Boss leans in again, his lips brushing over Noeul’s. 

“Since the first time I kissed you. Since every time you kiss me. Can I make a dare now, Noeun?”

Noeul nods, unable to form words, his heart soaring and sheer jubilation threatening to make him laugh, or cry, or yell in happiness. 

“Yeah, go ahead,” he manages to get out, and Boss’ smile is a lot less smirk and so much more affection. 

“I dare us to stop pretending we aren’t in love with each other.”

Noeul is the one to kiss Boss this time, and they stumble towards the bed, laughing into each other’s mouths and feeling weightless. 

It’s the easiest dare Noeul’s ever gotten, and the quickest one he’s fulfilled.

Chapter 8: Proud

Summary:

No applause is louder than how proud I am of you.

Notes:

For Yolanda, and for this moment 🤍

They’ve been here before. Hundreds of times it feels like. Fans cheering and clapping, stage lights dizzying, and both of them sweating under the sparkles and makeup as they barely catch their breaths between one moment and the next. Even the emotional highs, cresting and breaking like waves crashing into shore, those are familiar even as they’re so much bigger now.

Noeul’s own voice breaks like those waves as he talks about how he hopes he’s done his best. How he tried really hard. How he wanted to make Phukan someone that everyone would love. Boss feels his own throat clench as he pulls Noeul into a hug, holding tight and never letting go. 

“I’m so proud of you,” Boss whispers against Noeul’s skin before he presses a kiss to it, just under his ear so that Noeul can hear every bit of that pride and love in voice, in gesture. Noeul clings to him a little tighter, silently thanking Boss through his embrace. 

They’ve both worked so hard to get here. False starts, dashed dreams. Hours upon hours upon hours of practicing over and over, years of falling ill and pushing through. Of trying and failing. Of hoping and never having that hope realized. Boss knows with so much of his own experience about how many times Noeul has come up short, or been passed over, or treated with so much cold contempt. He’s been there, and they share that ache.

But they both kept trying. Icing aches and pains, swallowing the disappointments, soothing the heartbreaks they’ve had because of rejection by throwing themselves right back into trying again. It’s what makes Noeul so much of everything that’s standing here on this stage now, still under Boss’ arm and with Forth and Donut also embracing him and looking at Noeul as if he’s something so miraculous and wonderful that they feel blessed to have experienced all this with. 

Noeul always tries, again and again, and Boss loves him harder every single day for it. Vows to support Noeul through every single note of every single song that he sings, until his voice can no longer create a melody. 

And if that happens, Boss will sing on Noeul’s behalf. He already does anyway, because any time he sings, Noeul’s in his heart.

The pictures are a blur. That’s one thing that’s always the same. Fans swarm and recede, poses suggested, a few entitled suggestions. Nothing bothers Boss. He’s running on exhaustion and satiation and between every group of fans and the next, Noeul is there. Jubilant and just as tired, and so beautiful because not because he tried and succeeded to an exalted result in his portrayal of Phukan, but because even if he hadn’t, Boss knows his Noeul would try again.

At one point, Noeul is lower than him by a decent measure, his face tilted up and shined with stage lights and his smile the lazy, tired one that Boss sees more and more often lately. In far more private moments. It’s the smile of someone who is satisfied finally, who is content. 

And Boss can’t do anything but curl his fingers against Noeul’s cheeks, not as rounded as they were when they first met and Boss first started holding him like this, but even more loved. 

“I am so proud of you, Eul,” Boss says quietly, passing it in the air between them only, and Noeul just stays like that - still smiling, still with his face framed in Boss’ fingers - both of them lost in each other’s gazes like they tend to get sometimes.

All the time. 

Fans are coming again, another group chatting excitedly with staff and waving phones, calling Nong Phuuuuu because Noeul belongs to no one but himself and maybe one other person, but Phukan belongs to everyone. 

Because Noeul wanted Phukan to belong to everyone. 

Noeul purses his lips quickly in a silent thank you kiss aimed at Boss before they separate for another photo with fans. And later, so much later, when body glitter is washed down the drain and they’re too tired to do anything other than tangle limbs together as sleep begins to drag them under, Noeul whispers a goodnight and then, after a beat:

“I’m so proud of you, too.”

Chapter 9: Husband

Summary:

Your husband is all I want to be after this.

Notes:

For Cori, and for this moment 🤍

He meant it as Cirrus, but Boss calling himself Noeul’s husband changes everything. 

He meant it in character, on a cheap, thin rubber mattress on a prop bed, and both of them in pajamas neither of them would wear in real life, but Boss calling himself Noeul’s husband feels too authentic for Noeul to ignore.

He pushes it away - “That’s crazy, come on!” - even as he can’t help smiling so hard his cheeks hurt and rolling over to fold himself around Boss. The crew laugh and coo cutely over them, and Noeul can pretend it’s just him and Boss being fan service-y and offering up incredibly compelling content for behind-the-scenes or to help trend on social media. 

Boss wraps an arm around Noeul and sniff kisses his temple once the phone camera lens is pointed away though, and even though Noeul pushed it away, it comes roaring back in. It shatters his windows, and seeps in through every opening of his lowered defenses while they’re cozy in bed together and cuddling the way they always do whenever they share sheets and body heat.

The way they always hold each other in bed, especially when they’re not in character. 

Husband . The word rolls around Noeul’s mind, heavy but not hurting. Never hurting. He’s always wanted someone to call him that word, and as they slowly danced around the unavoidable thing that’s always existed between them, the pull beyond attraction, the affection beyond friendship, the more they want and know they want and have even tentatively started naming… 

Noeul has thought more than once that he could call Boss that word too. 

Husband. It’s a lifetime thing, when done in a way that both people keep it sacred. It’s a home in a person when both people keep the doors open for each other and all the lights on. 

Home is all the things you return to, feel comfortable in. And home is why Noeul knows Boss looks beautiful when he’s in a suit and his hair and makeup is precisely done, but Noeul thinks Boss looks perfect when his face is bare and he’s in sweats and t-shirt with Noeul’s legs in his lap as they hang out at home. Home is how they’ve eaten at five-star restaurants together, but the best meal Noeul has taken part of is when he and his parents went to Boss’ house for dinner, and Boss and his dad cooked everyone a dinner of northern-style dishes, with laughter as the appetizer and, much later on, Boss’ hand on his hip and his tongue in Noeul’s body as dessert.

A husband being a home is the reason why Noeul will never, ever be able to travel the world again on his own and not ache for Boss to be there with him, to experience new sights, and the cadence of foreign languages, and nights where they can blend into a crowd thousands of miles away from Bangkok yet still feel like they’re home because they’re with each other. 

That night, after the echoes of Boss calling himself Noeul’s husband are almost as faded as the perfume Boss left on Noeul’s skin when they kissed each other goodbye after filming, Noeul finds a TikTok. Of two men, luxury surroundings and expensive everything else, sleek cars, gold upon gold. The way they smile makes Noeul’s breath skitter in his chest and he keeps staring at the word overlay. 

His future.

Husband as home, love as future. Noeul knows that this should be a conversation, and it will be if he wants it to be, but for now he simply reposts the video. It’s as public as he can be for now, and people notice, but the only response he cares about shows up in the form of Boss calling him, his voice thick with emotion when Noeul answers. 

“It’s your future too,” Boss says quietly, and that’s all Noeul needs to know that his husband is going to be coming home very soon.

Chapter 10: Tension

Summary:

Just want to pull all our tension taut until it snaps.

Notes:

For Ronan, and for this moment 🤍

Boss knows he looks hot in glasses, and Noeul looks hot always, but especially now with his hair longer and curling around the nape of his neck, and his arms bare, ending in his pretty hands finished off with nails looking like they were sculpted out of obsidian. 

“Good. Good! You both look fantastic, great tension,” the photographer says, snapping more pictures as Boss lowers his glasses and looks over the edge of them to peer at Noeul. 

Unlike all the other times Boss has done that, Noeul doesn’t flinch. 

Late, hotel bathroom, steam fogging the shared mirror. Boss stepping out of the shower, towel slung low around his hips and Noeul’s eyes tracking him. Irises trained on an iliac crest as Boss lets the towel dip lower.

Instead of flinching and acting cute, Noeul smirks, a ghost of a thing that tilts the corner of his lip up for just a moment. Memory sizzles in the space between their faces and the lens captures as much of it as it possibly can. 

How can it catch something amorphous, though. 

How can it catch the depth of feelings that have been on a flame for so long the pan is about to burn through. 

Boss smirks, catching the way Noeul’s watching him in the mirror. They check each other out, constantly, but this is the first time they’re sharing a bed in a hotel room in another country. It’s the first time they’ve traveled abroad together, and the newness of that crackles at all of their edges, the hard lines Noeul’s body makes as he stretches his arms above his head and Boss gets the intentional glimpse of forbidden flesh of a toned stomach he wants to bruise like overripe fruit. 

“Models, both of you,” the photographer says, trying at being lightly funny or candidly fawning and failing at both. Light bounces and Noeul tilts his head back against the arch they’re being photographed under, daring. Boss leans in, used to using his aura to disarm and his intensity to disturb.

They have to hold while the photographer changes his flash, and Noeul licks over his lip when no one’s eyes are on him except Boss, tongue wet and pink and reflected in Boss’ dark eyes. 

Boss doesn’t drop the towel, not yet, but they both want him to. Instead he stalks back towards Noeul at the sink, eyes on eyes in the mirror, and cages him in by putting his hands flat on the counter on either side of Noeul’s hips. 

He leans forward, eyes still on Noeul’s, and simply breathes him in. Noeul’s scent, his heat, his skin. Boss is already mostly hard, and he steps forward just a little more. Just so Noeul can feel it, and know what kind of game they’re playing. 

Noeul smirks, and steps back just a little more into Boss.

Positions change, the light bounces again. Clicks and computer keys, shutter speed and aperture. Noeul puts an arm up, bicep flexing under the light gold of his skin, and the photographer praises them with more compliments before raising his lens.

Noeul circles his hips, just one time, just slow and steady enough for Boss to really feel it through the towel. And then it’s over. He reaches up and behind him, drags his nails lightly over the side of Boss’ neck, and smiles.

“Finally ready to admit we have to just fuck it out of our systems?” Noeul asks, his voice a teasing lilt, a finger made of voice and hiss, beckoning. 

Boss shudders as Noeul’s nails scrape over his skin, and drops the towel. He pulls Noeul’s hips back into his, and circles back harder. That’s his admission and his affirmation, all in one.

Noeul is a tease of a thing, weaponized cuteness, sensuality wrapped in softness. When the photographer asks them to touch, Noeul’s face remains impassive and he keeps the professional front. 

But he puts his hand on Boss’ shoulder, and scrapes his nails over the side of his neck and his hand curves around it. Boss can feel his knees buckle slightly, and all he can think about is lips against glass, a knee on the counter, everything warm and wet in the bathroom.

Nails on his neck, and in his hair, and dancing over all the places Noeul had never touched before last night. 

This isn’t a one time thing. They both realize that as they stay bowed and panting, hands over palm prints and mouths open to gasp in air. A kiss finds skin, and nails find a palm to trace over it. 

They’re repeatedly praised for the tension that comes out for the photos, and can see it for themselves on the monitors, but it’s still not enough tension. Not to Boss and Noeul, who are used to carrying so much more of it. They have so much more of it to work out of their systems. 

But luckily they know where plenty of mirrors are.

Chapter 11: Expecting

Summary:

There's something we need to talk about when it comes to our family...

Notes:

For Arpitam, and for this moment 🤍

Boss doesn’t want children, even as he has to admit: Noeul would look so pretty pregnant. 

They play around with the idea of course. Neither of them are unfamiliar with Omegaverse, and they both are very much aligned with the sentiment of belonging to each other in a way impossible to ignore, of them being able to lay claim to each other with marks and teeth and scent. 

(It’s not like they don’t already, whenever they can. Some make-up artists downright dread seeing Boss or Noeul in their chairs.)

However, after Noeul responds to a funny Tweet that remarks on him looking pregnant at an event - “just fire chicken and salmon inside!” - that not-quite-a-kink-but-definitely-an-interest idea of Noeul being pregnant becomes a little more… heightened in their relationship. Boss tenderly puts a hand over Noeul’s stomach at their next fanmeet, and fans go nuts over it. Noeul jokes to everyone that Boss is “Excited to be a daddy again!” Boss hand feeds Noeul as attentively and sweetly as he does at every meal, but urges Noeul to take more bites after telling him he’s eating for two now. 

The other things they say to each other, in private and in situations that can end in pregnancy for some people, well…

(The phrase “Go ahead, put a baby inside me” may have been uttered at some point, in a breathless and barely-held-together voice in a moment of crescendo, but that was just for Boss and the way it’ll loop in his memory over and over again.)

It’s fun, and sexy, and light-hearted and playful. But part of Boss is worried, too, because as much as they joke about it, he knows Noeul someday does want children.

And he does not. 

Boss has loved every second of being a big brother, of stepping up and pitching in to help raise Luukeaw when his parents needed him. He will never regret a moment of sacrifice made and the amount of energy spent to make his sister smile, to see her happy and with a childhood that is as carefree as possible. Boss wants her to always know security and stability, and he would do it all over again in a heartbeat for his family. It was hard, but it was a difficulty he took pride and even his own joy in.

It’s precisely because Boss knows how much it takes that he doesn’t want it for himself. He knows he’d be a great father, and he does love children, but he also knows in his heart that it’s not something he’d choose. When he leaves the industry, when he’s done with traveling and touring and concerts and events, Boss wants a quiet life. Simple. One where he can take a breath on his own and look back on all he’s done and be proud that he did it, but also have time and space for his own peace.

But Noeul wants children, and Boss is in a relationship with him now, and he knows that it might be a dealbreaker. It might end them before they’ve truly really begun.

Which is why, after the Taigeye live and Noeul looking so pretty and soft and with his hands cradling the bulge his apron makes to build upon the idea of him being pregnant, Boss finds himself at the verge of a panic attack once he’s alone in the dressing room, hands shaky and breath staggered. They should have talked about it before now, not through interviews and comments, but to each other. Especially now that things have changed and that peaceful future Boss has envisioned for himself includes Noeul at his side, as his true partner in life.

“Chai?” Noeul is on him instantly, arms tight around Boss’ waist as Noeul presses against him from the back. It’s grounding, Noeul’s forehead pressed in the space between Boss’ shoulder blades, as if it was curved just for him. 

“I don’t want kids.”

Boss doesn’t mean to blurt it out, not like this in a random dressing room with both of them still in makeup and stylists’ clothes and with too many people passing by outside. But it’s out now, and he had to say it. He holds his breath, waiting for Noeul to let go of him and give him the look that begins the end.

Noeul chuckles, a single note that Boss can feel against his spine. “Very good thing I can’t get pregnant then, na?”

Breath leaves Boss in a deep gasp, and he’s being turned around, Noeul’s hands on his shoulders to lean him against the table. Noeul smiles at him, and the tenderness in it makes Boss’ throat tighten. 

“Then we won’t have kids.”

Noeul says it with such easy firmness, as if was already in agreement with Boss on something as simply mundane as rejecting a restaurant for dinner, or dismissing a pose they won’t do for a fan photo before Boss even has to ask him. Boss reaches for Noeul’s waist, the willowy lean one that would never be able to carry a child in it anyway, and his throat tightens again. There’s a sadness in this agreement, fleeting but palpable; they would be giving up something before knowing what it could be, and that weight is one Boss acknowledges.

But more than that? There’s relief. Peace. And Boss finds himself swallowing and blinking back tears when he looks up at Noeul.

“You want them though, Noeul… don’t you?”

Noeul’s smile remains soft and gentle, but he tilts his head as if he doesn’t know where Boss is getting his information. “I’ve always talked about them if I had kids. Like if I had a son or daughter, here’s how I’d want to parent. That doesn’t mean I need to have them.”

Boss opens his mouth to retort, even if his heart is soothed by Noeul telling him it’s not a need, but Noeul lightly places his hand across it. 

“A family can be however big we want, Chaikamon. Whether it’s two, or twelve, or two hundred. And you are my family. If your mind ever changed then I’d be open to talking about making that family larger, but if it’s just the two of us until we’re old men? That’s all the family I need, because you’re the only person I actually need to have.”

Boss buries his face in Noeul’s shirt, clinging to him and letting Noeul soothe him the way he does best: by humming and running his fingers through Boss’ hair, methodical care and meditation, and after a couple minutes Boss is calm again. Confident. Ready to take Noeul’s hand and run into the future with him, like he always is.

“There you are,” Noeul says quietly, and he kisses Boss’ forehead when Boss looks up at him and shows Noeul he’s better now. “We’re good, ter. I promise.”

Boss nods, and Cherry knocks at the door with her patented two slow raps to tell them they only have another minute or so before they need to do Polaroids. Noeul fixes Boss’ hair, fingers dancing over his forehead and temple to put the strands back into perfect order, and then leans down with a dangerous, mischievous look in his eye.

“Besides, I’ve always liked the idea of being the only person to call you daddy at home.”

Boss laughs, kisses Noeul quick in the few seconds they have before Cherry pulls them back into work, and then leans forward to whisper in Noeul’s ear. 

“As long as we can keep doing the things that usually lead to making a baby… mommy. ”

Noeul’s blush lasts through the first five polaroids, but his hand finds Boss’ after every single shot and Boss is reassured that this? These sweet touches and the understanding looks and the gentle words and the heated exchanges between them?

That is his family, because that is Noeul.

Chapter 12: Unanchored

Summary:

Unbound and on the ground, take it and make it yours.

Notes:

For Chandra, and for this moment 🤍

Post dress rehearsal and still in costume. The studio is dim, a single row of lights offering their reflections up the way an oily puddle becomes a makeshift mirror. Dark and with light-blurred edges, coronas that imply form. 

Their panting in the closed space and their sweat under leather makes the air thick, heavy with fragrance. Top notes of discipline enhancing the base notes of building arousal. Noeul hitches himself up into Boss’ hold and Boss swings him, an arc of skin under straps and the sheen of perspiration over flesh making Noeul look like honeyed moonlight under the lights. 

“Again.”

Boss’ thighs are aching, and his shoulders are molten with liquid pain. He’ll be on ice all day tomorrow, but the day after? When they’re in a sea of dancers and there’s an audience? He swears he’s going to make this fucking perfect. 

Hitch and lift, dip and swing. 

Noeul’s fingers are leaving bruised lines on the back of Boss’ neck and his blood sings with the recognition of that kind of grip on his body. Noeul looks feverish, fire-eyed as Boss’ own hand splays across the small of Noeul’s back and they both know what it’s like when Boss has his fingers spread like palm fronds over that narrow expanse. 

They both have the claim of that sort of touch in their blood at this point. 

“Again.”

They’ve always pushed each other. Emotionally and mentally. Physically. Sometimes they push a little too far and the edges distort a little, but it’s never so far that they can’t pull their lines back in with them in the hallowed time after. The command of “again” makes every cell in Boss’ body a riot of rejection, but he trusts Noeul more than he trusts his own heartbeat sometimes. 

So he does it again. And again. Until…

“Perfect.” 

It’s not so much a collapse as it is a collision, Boss flat on his back on the wooden floor and Noeul astride him, thighs trembling and Noeul’s sweat-slick palms hot like a brand on Boss’ stomach. It’s not rest as Noeul pitches forward and lines himself along Boss’ heaving chest, lips meeting lips and breath chasing breath.

It's a reclamation.

They aren’t on stage, and there are no eyes either human or machine on them, so they can unlock each other. Boss’ fingers tremble as he unbuckles each of the delicate fastenings on Noeul’s harness, and Noeul’s moans are wretched little songs as he strips Boss and anoints him with sweat and spit. 

“Here. Need you now.”

His own sweat makes Boss stick to the floor, hissing as Noeul kneels between his thighs, knees and shoulders already anticipating the bruises from the lacquered floor. Leather will hide all the marks, all the blood blooms, all the evidence. 

Boss is already in so much agony that Noeul’s body is like a balm inside him, even as it burns and stretches. Pushes at those edges of themselves, warps them a little. Noeul moves like a stormy ocean crashing into shore, salt-kissed and powerful. Unyielding, so Boss has to. 

He feels lost at sea, and yet has never felt so found. 

Afterwards, when they peel themselves off the floor, and gather up the damp leather and wet clothing, brine and foam still dripping off of and out of Boss, he stops Noeul and holds the harness up. Teases the end of a strap along the swell of Noeul’s cheekbone, a wave caught under the setting sun and gilded in rapture.

“We’re going to keep this, and you’re going to wear it for me again when we have time for me to ruin you in it.”

Noeul’s teeth flash and his fingers lace through Boss’ as though they’re weaving their bones together, and with the memory and promise of salt in their teeth, they drift off into the night as one entity, cutting through the darkness, smooth sailing home.

Chapter 13: Promise

Summary:

Promises that I intend to keep, just as I'll keep you.

Notes:

For Mae, and for this moment 🤍

I can’t promise you we’ll have this for the rest of our lives. I can’t promise the stages, or that our names will always be in lights, letters made up of neon stars glowing in the back of a concert hall. I can’t promise that we’ll always be doing this, laughing breathlessly as we cling to each other like we can’t bear to be apart while the cheers bear witness to what we’ve built from us.

I can’t promise any sort of future here, in fame and with fans, both as passionate and as fleeting as a candle lit in a shifting wind. 

All I can promise is that whenever I speak one of your many names, it will be outlined in the light of how holy I hold them, all of them. The name I met you under, the names we’ve given each other, the names we’ve said in late night shadows and early morning dreams.

I will build a stage for you if you are one day given none to stand on, and I’ll be your audience of one calling your name until it lights up like stars in the sky for you.

I can’t promise you that you’ll have the ongoing screens and cameras, the ads and glossy prints. I can’t promise that people will send us gifts, or our favorite foods, or donate on our behalf out of sheer love for us. 

All I can promise is that every photo of you I have ever taken will be one of my favorites, because it’ll be of you, of us. I will always have a gallery open in my heart for an exhibit of you, and every single image will be a masterpiece. 

I can’t promise that you won’t break ever again, that you won’t fracture from stress or sadness. I can’t promise we’ll be in the same city or time zone or country or continent when you do break. But I can promise that I will always hear you from no matter where I am, and that my hands or my voice or both will be the gold to fill in the cracks of your sadness. 

I can hold you together until you feel wholeness again. 

I can’t promise you forever, because it’s not mine to give. Because it’s impossible. Because our time together is too short, and will never be long enough, and we don’t have eternity.

All I can promise you is that I do not take a single second for granted with you precisely because of how brief our time will be. That every smile we share under lights, that every touch we exchange under applause, that every word of every song we sing together will all be done with a heart that is all in it with you.

I will always be as deep and as honest and as sincere to you as we were the first time we met and knew that while we’d never have forever, we’d always have this time together. 

Brief, miraculous, and full of the eternity that we can only get from loving each other.

Chapter 14: America

Summary:

Bright lights, big city, you and me in the heart of dreams.

Notes:

For me, and for the magic of getting to see in person just how soft Boss’ eyes can get and just how radiant Noeul’s smile is 🤍

They’re exhausted, but they’re in the city that never sleeps for one more night and the flight back to Bangkok is long enough they can get plenty of rest, and Boss has never felt more alive than right now. Fanmeets over for the time being, surrounded by strangers in a dark and pulsing club who don’t recognize them, and with Noeul’s slender hips moving under his palms like water, or the slick promise of sin.

Boss’ fingers tighten around that sin, divinity in the heat of Noeul’s skin and in the way their hearts beat like breathing matched.

"Suay,"  Boss whispers in Noeul’s ear, and like always, the dazzle of Noeul’s smile makes Boss freeze this moment in time in his memory. They’ve seen so many beautiful, bright things in the Americas. So many lights, so many smiles.

But Noeul’s is the only one that can have Boss keep falling in love, over and over and over again. For once, they can be like this in public, anonymous lovers like so many others on the dance floor. It’s rare, rarer than anything Boss has ever seen or held, and he pulls Noeul even closer.

“You are my person.” Boss whispers this next even though he says it to Noeul as often as possible. And like every time he says it, Noeul’s smile softens like the way the sun dips below the horizon, promising a night of stars ahead, or cleansing rains, or the hot and humid restlessness that has always made Boss’ yearning a more insistent thing inside his bones before he loved Noeul.

“And you’re mine,” Noeul says, and the rarity of this moment isn’t lost on him either because he’s the one to wrap his arms around Boss’ neck and pull him into the sort of kiss they will never do on a stage or in front of fans. The kind of kiss that blends the beats of music and muscle, that is as soft and restless as both of them are.

Noeul kisses Boss like he is the one person Noeul’s been waiting to let into his heart to heal the cracks, fill them with gold and the promise of always.

Boss kisses Noeul like he is the one person Boss was waiting for to set him free, to take his hand and walk beside him on the path that has always lead to dreams fulfilled.

They kiss like this even after the song changes, the tempo rises, and people move quicker around them. Like they don’t have an early flight and a full schedule of work ahead of them and being separate after 11 days of nothing but exquisite, precious closeness.

They kiss like they have all the time in the world, like their tongues can unlock the fastenings of each other’s lips and find eternity behind their smiles.

“Wanna go?” Boss asks lowly when Noeul finally pulls away from him, and he assumes he looks just as dazed as Noeul does: half-lidded eyes that strobe lights reveal desire in, a kiss-bitten mouth, a flush across his face that has nothing to do with the single shots they allowed themselves but everything to do with how they’re going to unravel each other when they get back to the hotel.

They’ll ruin each other beautifully and leave each other as nothing more than breath and sweat and pulse, and then piece each other back together. Stitch by loving stitch.

“One more song,” Noeul responds, because they’re both desperate to pull cloth from skin and replace it with their mouths, but this brief little bit of magic happens so rarely that they want to live in it a bit longer.

“All the songs,” Boss vows, and falls in love all over again when Noeul smiles at that and agrees. All of them.

Chapter 15: Sea

Summary:

I'd like to take Noeul to the sea… maybe to Phuket. We could go on a boat ride, something simple and chill. Lately we've been traveling so intensely, so if we have time, I’d love to take him.

Notes:

For this moment🤍

Noeul watches the glitter across the surface of the Andaman Sea, sunlight caught and scattered on the liquid edges of saltwater ripples, and he wonders if maybe he should have bought a house on the coast for retirement when it comes a hopefully long time from now.

Boss laughs softly when Noeul tells him that, his arms wrapping around his waist from behind and his voice more vibration than sound as he whispers into Noeul’s ear.

“The entire world is our house, love, because home is with you.”

Noeul doesn’t turn around because he doesn’t want Boss to see the ridiculous smile he’s wearing. He just gently swats at Boss’ hand that’s rubbing over the sea-damp skin below Noeul’s navel and says his name in his ‘you are ridiculous and over the top and so cheesy, and I love you so much for it’ tone of voice.

The one that has an entire ocean’s worth of affection in it that Noeul has for Boss.

Boss chuckles and nestles further against the side of Noeul’s neck, like that’s where the curve of his cheek was sculpted to belong. They keep watching the play of light on water, swaying to the far-away music drifting from shore as well as the gentle rock of the boat under their feet. 

“Can I kiss you?”

Boss always asks whenever they’re not in private. Even if it’s a silent question in just the tilt of his brow, or a flash in his eyes, he knows how much it means to Noeul to be able to decide and grant permission. And they might not be in private now, but they’re the only two people on the boat and they’re facing the open water and not the tourists splashing at the shore, and Noeul’s yes has been in his throat for so long now that he doesn’t remember how it felt not to have it there.

Noeul kisses Boss his answer, simply turning his head and meeting familiar lips over his shoulder.  Boss tastes like salt, and sun, and the heat of the day they’ve spent on the water. He tastes like home, and Noeul tells him that in a breathless little whisper before he puts his hand over Boss’ where it’s tensing against Noeul’s stomach and slides it lower. 

Noeul’s noises are lost under Boss’ mouth, and the sound of sea birds, and the way water gently laps against the sides of the boat like Boss’ tongue laps up Noeul, wet and warm. Boss pulls away from his mouth, his fingertips still stroking, and pants against Noeul’s skin when Noeul’s body tenses, and releases.

This is home too, even on the sea. Anywhere. Because it’s Boss. It’s his touch, his voice, his love. All the things Noeul has wanted in a home.

Afterwards, they curl up together on the padded bench, embracing each other like life preservers, and Boss kisses the top of Noeul’s head before he lays his own on top of it.

“Let’s buy a house at the sea too, then,” Boss says. “If you want that, I’ll make it happen.”

Noeul smiles, spoiled and loved in all the ways Boss spoils and loves him, and turns his face into the comfort of Boss’ skin. 

“We’ll make it happen together. Just like everything else,” Noeul promises with a kiss to Boss’ chest, the place his home truly is, and the place he has also promised to always kiss, a vow as steady and as constant as the sea kissing the shore.

Chapter 16: House

Summary:

We've built enough space for both of us, together.

Notes:

For Ester, and for this moment 🤍

‪“Teerak?” ‬

‪Boss can hear the rapid clicking of a keyboard through the partially open door, and he grins even though there’s no response. Noeul is in the middle of a game, and Boss loves that his baby has an entire gaming room now. ‬

‪Wendy picks her head up and yawns when Boss comes into the room‬, tail wagging though she stays curled in the pet bed at Noeul’s feet. Noeul doesn’t notice, mutters something in English over the headset, and Boss can feel the corners of his eyes crinkle at how adorable Noeul looks even from behind when he gets into the zone. 

“Oh!” Noeul hits the space bar Boss sets down a plate with some seaweed crisps on it and a glass of water. “I didn’t hear you come in, jeab.”

“That’s okay, keep playing. I just wanted to make sure you eat and get something to drink, stubborn boy,” Boss teases. Noeul smiles up at him in gratitude, and grabs Boss’ wrist so he can press a quick kiss to the back of his hand before turning back to the game. 

Boss sniff kisses the crown of Noeul’s head and leans down to scoop Wendy up before heading to the living room. He’ll take the alone time to catch up on a series, and settles into the sofa with Wendy and Chunchun nestling against his legs and Tanghulu on the floor, fast asleep and with currently their only cat Khaojuwa curled up and purring against the Corgi’s tummy. 

It’s so cozy, the home they’ve all made together here, and Boss ends up drifting off to sleep halfway into an episode. He gets woken up by a body larger and heavier than any of the pets suddenly leaning against him, arms wrapping around Boss carefully like the folding of delicate origami. 

“Your game over?” Boss murmurs, and Noeul’s lips are on his cheek for a moment before Noeul ducks his head into the spot on Boss’ shoulder that it has always fit against so well. 

“Nope. Just wanted to be with you,” Noeul says. Boss chuckles and moves so that he and Noeul can lie comfortably on the sofa, facing each other. 

“You can be with me any time you want, baby,” Boss says, reminding Noeul that he’s happy to let him spend their limited free time pursuing whatever he wants. Relaxing and enjoying the rare moment of leisure, just like Noeul gives him in return. 

But Noeul looks up with his eyes soft and slipping closed, looking as tired as Boss feels. 

“I want to be with you all the time,” Noeul murmurs before lightly kissing the front of Boss’s throat and then snuggling even tighter against him. 

The games and series can wait, Boss thinks, holding Noeul close and letting his eyes shut again, both of them surrounded by their pets and the safety of their home. The one they’ve built together. 

Chapter 17: Changsha

Summary:

Look at my good boy, waiting for me so patiently...

Notes:

For Cammie, and for this moment 🤍

There’s just a shimmer of sunset left in the sky when Noeul slips back into the hotel room he’s sharing with Boss, shopping bags firmly in hand and the room painted in gold and pink light. The separate fan signs in China always mean Noeul has free time on his hands for at least a day, and the longer he and Boss are together, the more he seeks to find distraction while his partner is apart from him, yearning for when they can finally reconnect.

“I missed you, phi.”

Noeul is surprised to hear the voice coming from somewhere near knee-height, and he turns to see Boss sitting on the floor against the bed, both his eyes and his mouth half-open as he stares up at Noeul. He looks so much smaller than he is. So much softer.

And yet, he still says “Where have you been, baby boy? I was waiting for you…”

Noeul smirks, feeling the near-predatory surge of desire spark to life inside him as he takes in the vision in front of him. Boss is in the pink sweater and black pants from his fan sign earlier, the makeup still on and painting his eyes in soft smudges of shadow. His lips are parted, slack in a way that Noeul always associates with Boss being needy in a way only Noeul gets to see. A way that mimics Boss being almost small. Fragile.

All of Boss right now is radiating that neediness, and he tilts his face up towards Noeul more, weaponizing his gaze like bullets wrapped in cashmere. Soft and so, so dangerous. Noeul drops the bags in his hand and steps forward, meeting the threat head on. He nudges Boss' thighs apart with the toe of his shoe, and reaches down to curl his fingers around a jaw that knows its rightful place when its not under Noeul's lips is in Noeul's palm.

"Look at my good boy, waiting for me so patiently," Noeul praises gently, slipping into scene so easily that Boss breaks his own character slightly, a wicked little smile flashing over his face before he catches himself and softens his look again. Widens his eyes slightly as his they move down Noeul's torso and over his hips that cant forward ever so slightly, Boss at the perfect level for Noeul to feel the heat of his exhalation through the weave of his jeans. 

"Always wanna be your good boy, phi," Boss answers after a breath, his eyes liquid darkness and his thighs spreading further apart of their own volition. Noeul can't help the noise he makes at this sight whenever he gets it, the soft growl of pleasure, of ownership, that lets Boss know exactly how much Noeul loves when his good boy comes out and lets Noeul take care of him. 

Boss hisses through his teeth as the top of Noeul's shoe presses against him through his pants, half-hard and getting harder, and Noeul tightens his grasp on Boss' chin as he leans down to lick over his lips. 

"Keep being good and I'll show you exactly what you missed about me while we were apart today," Noeul promises.

Being in Changsha, or Shanghai, or Shenzen... it's hard sometimes. Being apart from his lover, feeling the absence keenly whenever he's on stage in front of fans. But as Boss licks over his lips to trace the path Noeul's tongue took, Noeul's appreciation of their reconnection holds more even more weight. Partially because knows Boss needs it even more than he does, and Noeul needs it badly. 

The sun finally sinks below the horizon as Boss lets Noeul sink into his mouth, eyes on Noeul's and tongue sweeping over him, and any time they've spent apart fizzles into nothing. Because this reconnection is more than just the physical pleasure, so much more, and they both know it when Noeul withdraws only a few moments later and drops to straddle Boss' thighs like it's the only place in the world Noeul was built to be.

"Maybe I can be good too and show you how much I missed you as well, hm?" Noeul whispers, triumph surging in him as Boss' fingers dig into his waist even though Boss' eyes remain tender and sparkling, makeup smudged and his panting mouth uttering a "Yes, please" from between lips smeared with gloss mixed with spit.

Somewhere outside, in a city they have to be secret in, the stars curl up into the sky and the moon might even appear, a minuscule dusting of spotlights in an entire galaxy above their heads. But Noeul's entire universe is here, in the way his body and Boss' fit together like the cosmos whispered they were destined to own each other, and the minutes of them being apart dissipate. 

"My best boy," Noeul moans in Boss' ear, hips burning and his arousal coiling like the spinning of the Milky Way inside him. Boss grunts and Noeul can feel him even deeper, their connection restored, body and soul. 

"Yours," Boss whispers, and somewhere around them the stars are sparkling and maybe even the moon is out, but neither of them can think of anything other than the way they shatter against each other like cosmic collision. 

"Sorry that I made you wait," Noeul murmurs once his shudders finally end, his limbs loose and his lips opening like air parting when Boss kisses him in the afterglow. 

"I'll will always wait for you, my Noeun, happily," Boss says against his mouth, and Noeul's love for him pulses at that like a heartbeat because that's exactly what a good boy his Boss is for him, always. 

Chapter 18: Roses

Summary:

White roses for him, and red roses for me. Endless love and commitment for both of us.

Notes:

For BoNohs, and for this moment ❤️🤍

He knows what it means. All of it. Gone will be the thin veneer of plausible deniability, the privacy, the secret thing that was just for them. It will be known, unleashed into the world in a way that means it’ll never be able to be pulled back and made secret again.

Boss looks up from his phone, recording Noeul smiling over the roses filling his arms. Boss knows the symbolism of white roses almost as much as he knows how much Noeul loves white flowers in general. Rose and anemone and carnation. All of it pure, endless.

And that’s the one thing this is: pure. Even when it’s been hard, when they’ve argued about what they are, what they can be. Even when it’s been them deciding breaks are needed, that they’re too close, that maybe it would be better to stay friends. Even when it’s seen Boss sobbing alone after Noeul said “We can’t” that first time with tears in his own eyes because they both knew they could, but not yet.

It hurt because it was pure love. It still is, but the hurt is gone and in its place is something solid. Something real. Something that is calm and steady after years of uncertainty, a foundation for their future.

His future, and his.

Boss’ own roses for Noeul are red, wrapped in black. “My favorite colors on you,” Noeul murmured into Boss’ ear after they exchanged bouquets, and both of them know it’s time.

Red and white. Passion and purity, devotion and admiration, courage and tenderness.

Boss and Noeul and Noeul and Boss.

Noeul bites his lip when Boss shows him the video, and in those breathless few seconds as Boss is waiting for permission, the world stops and waits breathless with them. They can keep themselves secret, safe and private. Or they can reveal what they’ve had for almost as long as each of them have had each other, growing deeper and stronger.

Strong enough for whatever changes, because Boss knows he and Noeul will not.

“Let’s do it,” Noeul whispers, his eyes sparkling with mischief and tears alike. Boss has to press his lips together to keep himself from crying, and just nods, reaching for Noeul’s hand across the table.

It’s ring-less for now. It won’t be much longer.

“Let’s do it,” Boss confirms, and presses the button to post.

They’re ready to be known, together.

Chapter 19: Bro/Lift

Summary:

Just a bro thing, to carry me off like you do...

Notes:

For Ari, and for this moment 🤍

Bro (Sugar-Sweet)

Noeul laughs in Boss’ ear as Boss carries him behind the partition wall, Boss’ own chuckle rumbling deep in his throat against Noeul’s chin. 

“Bro, huh?” Boss murmurs once he sets Noeul down on the table next to all the gifts for them. Noeul keeps his arms around Boss’ neck to ensure he doesn’t move away, but based on the way Boss leans into Noeul’s space to press a quick kiss against his temple, Noeul knows Boss wasn’t going anywhere anyway. 

“Yeah, my bro,” Noeul teases, tilting his face up towards Boss. The change between them has been… earth-moving. It would have been chaotic, and thrown everything into disarray if it hadn’t been a destination they both always intended to end up. 

“I don’t think bros do what we do, Noeul,” Boss whispers, pitching his voice low, making Noeul shiver as Boss’ hands drop to his hips and squeezes them. They can hear Ma Chen talking behind the wall, Forth and Donut laughing, and even though everyone knows what’s going on, Noeul wants to keep it secret a little longer. Just a bit. 

Noeul leans up and gives Boss’ lips a quick peck, all he ever really dares to do in public even when they’re hiding, but it’s enough based on the way Boss’ smile lights up his entire face. 

“When I call you bro, just replace it in your head with jeab. With teerak. With faen,” Noeul whispers back, tracing Boss’ jaw with a barely-there touch of fingertips. It feels so good to be able to touch each other like this, though not as good as it feels to see the way Boss’ eyes soften and shine at the names Noeul has given him. 

Boss leans down, his eyes on Noeul’s lips, and Noeul is going to let him kiss him even though they’re in public, but someone’s phone rings and breaks the spell. Noeul bites his lip and puts his fingertips against Boss’ mouth, clicking his tongue at him. 

“Behave yourself, and I’ll let you kiss me all over later… bro,” Noeul teases, and Boss smacks his lips against his fingers and relents, scooping Noeul back up in his arms like it’s the only place he’s ever belonged.

Noeul thinks it might be. 

“I’m going to hold you to that, my bro,” Boss murmurs before carrying Noeul back out, and when Ma Chen shrieks and asks what they were doing, Noeul just smirks over Boss’ shoulder. 

“Just bro things, phi.”

---

Lift (Spicy-Sweet)

Noeul laughs in Boss’ ear as Boss carries him behind the partition wall, Boss’ own chuckle rumbling deep in his throat against Noeul’s chin. 

“Bro, huh?” Boss murmurs. Noeul thinks Boss might set him down on the table where there’s a small pile of fan gifts waiting for each of them, but he doesn’t. Boss instead keeps his grip firm under Noeul’s ass and presses him against the wall behind the partition. 

“Hmm, yeah… my bro,” Noeul whispers quietly, pressing his lips against the pulse in Boss’ throat. It doesn’t matter that they’ve been doing this for years now, off and on and off and on again. It doesn’t matter that they’re both finally in agreement that the occasional hook up in one of their backseats, or the torrid nights in hotel beds overseas, is no longer enough. 

None of that matters because the feel of Boss’ skin under Noeul’s lips and the way Boss presses his hips into Noeul’s and slowly grinds against him will always feel new, and exciting, and like the best thing Noeul has ever felt. 

“Bros don’t do what we do, Noeun,” Boss murmurs, and Noeul could be mad at the way Boss is turning him on and making it so that it’ll be impossible to hide what they’re doing behind the partition. But he can’t find it within himself to care because part of him — the part that has felt drawn to Boss since the first time Noeul laid eyes on the handsome, pretty boy — is always going to want to risk it all for him. 

For them.

Noeul bites his lip and rolls his hips, making Boss hiss through his teeth. They really can’t do this, not with Ma Chen chatting with Forth and Donut just a couple meters away…

Noeul doesn’t care. He threads his fingers through Boss’ hair and snaps his faen’s head back to kiss him, quick and hard. 

“Good thing we’re not actually just bros anymore then, hm?” Noeul says, disentangling himself from Boss’ grasp and getting his feet to the floor. “Let me show you all the non-bro things we can do later at my place....”

Boss’ smirk is wicked, and he shakes his head with affection, a finger sweeping across Noeul’s lips as though they’re both sealing a promise. 

“What are you two doing?” Ma Chen’s voice is teasing, as if he’s pretending he’s never been young and in love with a boy before, and Boss kisses Noeul once more. It’s dirty, and sweet, and so short that Noeul is looking forward to getting more of it soon. 

“Just bro things,” Boss calls out. Noeul stifles his laugh, smoothing his clothing out, and smiles at Boss, who holds his arms out expectantly for Noeul to jump back into them.

“Love my bro,” Noeul murmurs into Boss’ hair, and he can’t wait to tell him that later when they’re in bed, over and over and over again.

Chapter 20: Tipsy

Summary:

Champagne in my mouth and you on my tongue/under my hand/in my heart...

Notes:

For Ari, and for this moment 🤍

Boss feels good . There’s always such a euphoric unwinding of stress and tension that happens when filming wraps up, and he’s always the first to toast at the wrap party, to thank the crew and his cast mates and the company. Boss is the first to drink and the last to leave sometimes. 

Or, he has been in the past. Something tells him that despite wanting to dance and have fun, Boss will be leaving a lot earlier than usual. 

That something is Noeul, who has been giving him long looks and sly little smiles all night. At one point Boss corners him, pushes him against the wall and thumbs at Noeul’s lip because being able to kiss him more openly now is all Boss can think of doing with the champagne in his body and the memory of his confession unraveling from Boss’ throat while they were on location. 

I’m in love with you, and I can’t pretend it’s just more than friends and less than lovers, Noeun. I want it to be everything. You own my entire heart, and you always have.  

Boss had let Noeul make a decision on his own time and on his own terms, leaving Noeul sitting by the fire pit and heading back into their shared cabin with his heart beating wildly. The answer had come only a little while later, with Noeul crawling into bed and pressing his own confession against Boss’ skin. 

You’ve been the only person in my heart for a long time, Chaikamon. 

Noeul shies away, noticing the phones pointed at them, and Boss reminds himself to behave. Reminds himself that private but not secret is what they both are keeping each other safe in, their own little bubble of happiness. 

Not secret, just private. Boss switches to water after he finishes his current drink, keeping an eye on Noeul move across the room like he’s gliding over air. 

Private. Noeul catches Boss’ eye once he’s near a door, tilts his head just so before disappearing through it as soon as everyone’s attention is on the stage. Boss winds his way through the crowd, making an excuse about the bathroom. He’s been drinking; people don’t question it.

He finds Noeul down a hall, through another door. There’s a window in a spare room full of banquet chairs, and if the scent of Noeul’s perfume didn’t lead Boss to finding him, the glow of Noeul’s skin in the lights of the city through the window would. 

“You’re even more handsy when you’ve been drinking,” Noeul admonishes, but it’s with a sparkle in his eye. Boss grins, and reaches out to pull Noeul against him, hands all over a body he can call his, fingers against a heart that’s had him inside it all along. 

“I’m sorry,” Boss apologizes, but Noeul laughs and reaches for his fingers, puts them against his own lips. 

“Do it again,” Noeul commands, and so Boss does, thumbs at Noeul’s lower lip and watches the wet shine of the inside of it in the lights of the room. 

This time, Noeul doesn’t shy away. He kisses Boss back, less tipsy but just as handsy. 

Just as in love.

“Do it again,” Noeul says once more after he’s been kissed breathless, his lips shining and his eyes half-closed. Boss is already aroused, champagne and the way Noeul’s tongue moves in his mouth enough to keep him high. This time when he puts his thumb at Noeul’s lip, that same wicked tongue wraps around Boss’ finger and sucks him in. 

“Noeun…” Boss feels as bubbly as the alcohol he’s consumed, his head going fuzzy as Noeul’s cheeks hollow out around his thumb. Noeul’s eyes are on Boss’, daring him not to look away, and Boss has so many memories of the way Noeul’s mouth feels wrapped around him suddenly rush into his head. 

When Noeul’s hand slides into Boss’ jeans, Boss is hard and waiting for him. 

“Please…” 

Noeul pulls off his thumb with a lurid pop and licks the length of it, his eyes reflecting nothing but the pinpoints of light from the window and shining with so much affection that Boss feels untied in a deep, profound way. 

Boss arches up into Noeul’s touch. It’s not the first or probably even hundredth time Noeul’s touched him like this. But it’s the first time he’s done it while kissing Boss softly after they’ve filmed a series that has made them unable to be less than lovers ever again.

“Wanna make you cum,” Noeul whispers, the fingers of his free hand dancing along Boss’ parted lips as the hand on Boss’ cock strokes him perfectly. The rhythm and grip has Boss panting already, and when Noeul slips his own thumb inside Boss’ mouth, Boss sucks on it like he’s trying to show Noeul through the gesture just how much he loves them together. 

Noeul tightens his fingers after another few moments, fixates on the head of Boss’ cock. Boss moans around Noeul’s thumb, the sound sharpening slightly into a whine as Noeul withdraws his finger and leaves Boss empty-mouthed.

“So hard for me…” Noeul says lowly, biting his lip as he twists his wrist and Boss bucks into his fist. Boss can feel the beginnings of his orgasm begin to snake upwards from the pit of his gut, and Noeul knows him so well as to laugh with a quiet sort of pleasure that he’s unraveling his tipsy boyfriend so quickly. 

Boss would be embarrassed at how fast he cums with Noeul’s sparkling laugh in his ear and his soft hand willing to get dirty, wanting to. But he can’t be, not when Noeul carefully withdraws his hand after a few more languid pumps and shows Boss the fruits of his labor, pearlescent fluid all over his hand.

The champagne from earlier has nothing to do with the way Boss’ mouth goes dry as he watches Noeul clean off his own hand with his tongue, pink in cream on gold, humming happily as he holds Boss’ gaze.

“You’re perfect,” Boss breathes out when Noeul finishes, pulls him in and ignores the muffled sound of vague protest as Boss kisses Noeul and licks at his own flavor on Noeul’s tongue.

“I know,” Noeul replies, cheeky and naughty and all of him belonging to Boss. Boss grins and kisses Noeul again, gentle and tender.

“Do you want to come home with me? Leave the party so I can show you how much I love you?” Boss asks, and Noeul looks at him with that same endeared look. The one he looked at Boss with on set, at every event, in every photo, and on every stage.  

Anytime they’ve been public or private, secret or not. 

“I want to go home with my boyfriend,” Noeul had said when they got back to Bangkok after filming, when Boss had asked if he should drop Noeul off at his own house even though the idea of them separating after becoming official made Boss tense and anxious. Noeul's words soothed Boss, though. 

Ignited him.

“Yeah. I belong at home with my boyfriend,” Noeul answers, and if anyone notices that no one can find Boss or Noeul at the wrap party later on, they all know it’s not a secret.

It’s just private.

Chapter 21: Soaked

Summary:

From soaking wet to warm and dry (and maybe wet again...)

Notes:

For Ronan, and for this moment 🤍

They’re so wet. Soaked. They expected to be — it’s a shoot for Songkran content after all — but Noeul is shivering and Boss notices immediately. 

As soon as they’re cleared and the photographer asks for Fort and Peat to go next, Boss throws an extra towel around Noeul’s shoulders and herds him into the dressing room. Chanya and Aya are there, talking quietly, but as soon as Boss gives them a look Chanya winks at him and Noeul and ushers Aya out of the room, closing the door behind them.

“So cold,” Noeul groans, his teeth chattering and the towels practically shaking loose from his body. Boss is chilly too, but nothing matters except for wrapping Noeul up tightly. First in fresh, dry towels and then in Boss’ arms.

“It’s okay, you’ll warm up soon,” Boss says, kissing Noeul’s head and just holding his lips there, as if his breath can dry Noeul’s hair to help bring him back up to temperature faster. He tightens his embrace, possibly making it too tight, but he can feel Noeul go lax against his body soon enough, save for an occasional shiver. 

Minutes pass. Boss takes each one for the brief little miracle it is, getting to hold Noeul so tightly and so close for as long as he is. Noeul sighs now and then, happy-sounding little noises that vibrate against Boss’ chest and go straight to his heart.

“You’re still cold too,” Noeul murmurs eventually, but his voice is quiet and a little distant in a way that Boss recognizes. He smiles and reaches down for Noeul’s face, tilting it up to see the hazy look in his eyes. 

“Want me to warm us both up, baby?” Boss asks, the pet name one he rarely uses but when he does it always lands with its intended effect. Noeul’s eyes slip almost closed and his mouth relaxes after he quietly says “Yes please.”

Boss is methodical. Slow. He lowly commands Noeul to stay still and begins the process of carefully unwrapping him like he’s the only present Boss has ever wanted. First the towels, and then the tank top, and the shorts, and the underwear. Noeul shivers again once he’s bare, and Boss reaches for another towel while keeping his eyes on Noeul’s, telling him without words to keep being good.

Noeul has a slight flush to his skin as Boss looks him over, and Boss praises him quietly, tells him “Perfect,” and begins to move over Noeul’s body. 

Boss starts with his fingers, gently massaging each one with the towel and making sure they’re dry and warm before he moves to Noeul’s forearms, first the left and then the right. Up Noeul’s biceps, sizable on his lean frame and practically begging for Boss to put his mouth on, which he will later. Up to Noeul’s shoulders and across the top of his chest, Boss giving in and following the administrations of the towel under his hands by pressing open-mouthed little kisses along Noeul’s collarbones. 

Noeul’s breath is deep, not exactly steady but not ragged. Boss likes it there for now since they’re still at work, and Noeul whines when Boss carefully pats at his jawline and under his ears but doesn’t offer those areas any kisses.

“Shh. Be good.” 

Noeul complies, a soft smile tilting his lips as he lets Boss’s hand warm his cheek. He gets rewarded by Boss brushing his lips against Noeul’s, satisfied that they’re warm and plush under his mouth. 

Boss moves down, massaging along Noeul’s sculpted abs, across his hips and lower back. The crease of his groin, Boss smirking as he ignores the subtle tilt of Noeul’s hips as Boss dries him off carefully between his legs, not taking any longer than he has to before they both end up naked and panting. 

Boss can feel Noeul’s body sag in minute disappointment as he continues his path downwards, down Noeul’s slender legs and around his delicate ankles, finally finishing with his feet which are surprisingly elegant. Boss isn’t into feet, but he could (and has) worshiped Noeul’s fine-boned ones from toe to heel and be satisfied. 

“Warm yet, Noeun?” Boss asks when he stands back up, checking in and wanting to start bringing Noeul back. Noeul hums, eyes closed and with his arms reaching, and Boss chuckles and folds Noeul into another hug, ignoring that they’re both hard. That will be for later. 

“Thank you,” Noeul whispers, nuzzling into Boss’ neck. Boss kisses Noeul’s temple and murmurs a “Welcome” there against the warm, dry skin. 

Noeul hums again, soft and sweet, relaxed in Boss’ hold and full of nothing but gentle trust that Boss will take care of him. Boss smiles at the idea this is something that has unfolded after so many years together, this unspoken and all-powerful trust, the way Noeul has chosen him to hold it. To protect it.

Boss kisses Noeul one last time and thinks he should be the one expressing gratitude instead.

Chapter 22: Gaze

Summary:

Caught me looking at you again, but baby, you've been looking at me just as long

Notes:

For pink&grey, and for this moment 🤍

It’s still so new.

It’s not new at all. 

Boss has always looked at Noeul like this. Even behind the sunglasses, Noeul can see how he’s been gazed at for years now. Boss’ eyes crinkled in half-moons of delight, that softened but sort of heady gaze of desire mixed with affection mixed with what Noeul would swear is something like wonder. 

Noeul knows first-hand how intoxicating it is to be looked at by Boss. He knows all too well how when Boss lands his focus on you, the rest of the world sort of fades out into muted color and muffled noise. And that’s just a warm glance, one Boss gives friends and fans alike. 

Noeul has been on the observing end of so many other types of looks. He knows how Boss’ eyes go a little dark and flat above his smile when a fan pushes against either of their boundaries. Noeul’s seen the way Boss’ eyes glitter with childlike delight whenever they encounter a street cat who wants a pet, or a dog that wags its tail at them. Noeul himself has gotten so many emotions leveled at him through irises so familiar he could paint the color of them in his dreams.

Content, sad, jealous, confused, hurt, aroused, happy. In pain, and at peace. Despite anything else that Noeul has seen in Boss’ eyes, the one thing that always sparkles there in the flecks of even darker brown amongst dark brown is the true, unwavering love Boss looks at Noeul with. 

Boss leans over, and Noeul meets his gaze head on. He lets Boss see his eyes, too.

“You two are looking at each other like you’re in looooovveeee,” Forth teases from somewhere behind Noeul, laughing with Donut. Noeul hasn’t forgotten they’re all in public, in Siam, and there are far too many possible eyes watching his every reaction to how Boss’ lazy grin stretches across his face when he leans even closer to Noeul. 

But for the first time in their history, the things between them that have grown and finally taken firm root in the shared soil of the love Noeul has always seen in Boss’ eyes means that Noeul doesn’t mind whoever else’s gaze is on them.

He smiles, blushes when Boss whispers faen suay under his breath, and even though he ducks his head down lest anyone else sees how thoroughly in love Noeul is with Boss, he glances up to let Boss catch his gaze as well. 

Because Noeul has always gazed at Boss the same exact way. With love in every look.

Chapter 23: Deeper

Summary:

How deep do we want to take it?

Notes:

For GeminiBabe, and for this moment 🤍

We almost had real sex.

Boss is stunned into quietude hearing Noeul say that. It’s because he’s scared he’s crossed a line. Noeul was very up front about boundaries when they first learned they’d shoot NC scenes; after Boss had asked “How deep do you want to take it?” Noeul had answered all the way and Boss must have wanted to think it was literal.

But he’s also scared, especially of how Noeul feels, because Boss has let it become real in his mind. 

There was a moment during filming, both him and Noeul lost in the motions of simulating sex with each other and feeling exactly how much that simulation was affecting both of them, where Noeul turned his face and opened his eyes and Boss was stunned. The look Noeul was giving him at that moment wasn’t Rain, and it wasn't directed at Boss being Phayu.

It was all Noeul. Vulnerable, aroused. Wanting. Needing. And he was looking Boss dead in the eye. 

Boss still doesn’t know how either of them managed not to climax after that. He himself had felt struck to the very core by that look, the gravity of not being able to take his eyes off of Noeul’s undercut by how hard they both were as Boss thrust against Noeul over and over again. They had wrapped the scene, and been given a scant few seconds to get robes on and have the acting coach make sure they were okay before being whisked outside to do an interview, Noeul’s hair still a tousled mess and Boss still half-hard and missing the way Noeul had felt under him. 

He can admit his attraction to Noeul had gone from “I’m curious about this incredibly cute boy” at the audition to “I wonder what this boy would feel like wrapped around me” lightning quick. And Boss is pretty sure Noeul has felt the same. He’s not oblivious, and Noeul has been giving him those dark fuck me eyes far too often for either of them to pretend their sexual chemistry is just them being Phayu and Rain. 

But they do have to be Phayu and Rain, and as Noeul keeps talking about the scene they just shot, Boss keeps quiet for the most part and reminds himself of that. They are actors, just playing roles they were given. This is a job, and it’s Boss’ first big break. He can’t risk it or future opportunities just because he is attracted to his co-star.

And more than that, Boss doesn’t want to risk Noeul’s opportunities. Which is why, after they’re released from doing behind the scenes interviews and they head back inside the house they’ve been filming in, Boss climbs onto Noeul’s lap once Noeul sits down on the sofa and silently asks Boss for a hug by holding his arms out. Despite whatever just shifted between them during filming, Boss and Noeul still thrive on skinship, and cuddling each other feels correct now that they can be alone and decompress about what just happened. 

“I’m sorry,” Boss says after a few moments, his cheek pressed against Noeul’s temple and Noeul’s arms around his waist under the fuzzy blue blanket Boss has wrapped around them both now. 

“For what? There’s nothing you have to apologize for, Chaikamon.” Boss lit up the first time Noeul used his given name, and ever since then, Noeul uses it when it’s just the two of them. Boss curls himself around Noeul a bit tighter, careful to keep his hips well above Noeul’s, and hums. 

“I didn’t mean to cross any lines during the scene, Noeun. And I just wanted to check in with you, make sure we’re okay. We can talk about it, you know, if we need to. We can change how we do things, or whatever you need to be more comfortable.”

Noeul goes a little still after Boss speaks, but then Boss can feel Noeul’s fingers dig into his back slightly and Noeul’s head tilts away and back from Boss’ face. Boss leans up so that he can get a proper view of Noeul’s expression when Boss looks down at it, and again he is struck.

Because Noeul is looking at him the same way as he did in bed, and Boss can see so much more in his eyes now that they’re in the sunlight. It’s not just vulnerability or arousal, needing or wanting. There’s a calmness there too, a trust that Boss knows neither of them expected Noeul to have so quickly with him. There’s affection and care, worry about Boss and their situation.

But mostly Noeul is just looking at Boss like he sees inside him, knows what Boss is thinking and feeling, and Noeul’s look is saying It’s okay, I understand. 

“The thing is…” Noeul begins to speak, and then stops and looks away. Boss can’t have that happen, he realizes suddenly. He can’t have Noeul not talking to him, not looking at him.

“Noeul.” Boss says his name like it’s a forbidden word, an ancient curse or a sacred prayer, with a hushed sort of reverence that speaks to Boss knowing now exactly what has shifted. When Noeul turns back to Boss and meets his eyes again, Boss doesn’t know how he’s going to survive being in love with Noeul.

It’s an incredible feeling, scary and wildly hopeful. 

“When you said we almost had real sex… it felt… to me it did feel…” Boss begins, but he doesn’t need to finish the sentence. He can tell by the way the near-black darkness of Noeul’s eyes turns even darker that Noeul sees everything inside Boss. 

Noeul’s hands find the perfect hold on Boss’ waist, his thumbs anchored in the dip above Boss’ hipbones. He cranes his neck up and keeps his eyes open as he kisses Boss. It’s soft, barely there and gone too fast. 

“How deep do we want to take it?” Noeul asks quietly, Boss able to feel the way Noeul’s breath curls inside his mouth. Boss meets Noeul’s gaze, and they see each other in the twin mirrors of their irises. Boss leans back down, their eyes wide open, and seals his words against Noeul’s lips in a kiss after giving his answer. 

“All the way.”