I don't wanna be seen as someone else (who can't carry their own weight)

by Hollywood_Tower_Hotel

Summary:

The spot next to Dean is cold when he wakes up. Bron's curled up at the edge of the bed, and when he opens his eyes, he can see Seth across from him, but no Roman. He frowns, listening carefully for the sound of their baby, but there's no noise. That actually concerns him more, and he wiggles his foot out from under Bron's side, getting up to inspect the entire hotel room. He's not in the bathroom, not standing on the balcony outside, and Dean only just spots him hunched over on a chair. The stuffed cow is laying on the table in front of him, and he's glaring at it.

Notes:

• For a_local_queer.

GUESS WHO'S ALIVE? The ao3 curse is real and my life is in shambles, please enjoy
Thank you so much to a_local_queer for suggesting this!!! And to tumblr user Inky-Da-Dinky for giving me the idea for the Stuffie/It's name!!!

And typos/mistakes you find can be kept and put in the corner

This is the longest Roman's ever been little. He's currently in the back of the car, tracing shapes onto the window with his finger while smiling softly. He's tracing over the barns they occasionally pass, gasping at how beautiful the country side is right now. Bron's dead asleep next to him, leaning against his shoulder, and every so often Roman turns to coo and babble at him, hitting the side of Bron's face gently. Seth watches this all through the rear view mirror, not wanting to turn and risk disturbing the two. Dean is driving, occasionally glancing back, but mostly keeping his eyes on the road. That's mostly due to the fact that Seth had lightly swatted at his near when Dean started to veer off the road while staring.

 

“You know,” Dean's voice is hushed, whispering, barely audible over the soft lull of the radio. Seth knows why he's speaking like that though, and he leans closer to make it easier on both of them. “We should get him something.”

 

Seth raises an eyebrow even though Dean can't see it, and hums, confused.

 

“Like-” He's cut off by a sudden snore by Bron, and then Roman's giggling. Seth watches a smile spread across Dean's face before he starts speaking again. “A stuffed animal. He has a paci, but he needs comfort.”

 

Seth clicks his tongue and nods, glancing up to the mirror to make sure Roman is still distracted. “You're just upset that he keeps stealing Mr. Quack to cuddle.”

 

Dean's whole body rolls alongside his eyes, but he snorts in amusement. “I'm not jealous….ok maybe a little. But he needs something of his own. Something that's just baby's.”

 

“What would we get him?”

 

Dean doesn't respond audibly, tapping his finger against the steering wheel as he thinks. He opens his mouth to speak, then shakes his head and closes it. Just as he does so, Roman gasps.

 

“Daddy! Moos!”

 

Seth turns to look out from the other side of his side of the car, and sure enough, there's a wide green field with cows of all different colors, grazing in the sun. Roman looks awestruck, like he's somehow never seen a cow before, and Seth would honestly think that if he didn't know the man half as well as he did. 

 

“Do you like the cows, baby?”

 

Roman hums, nodding his head as he absentmindedly puts one of his fingers in his mouth, smiling around it. “Is p'etty!”

 

Dean tuts, turning around to look at Roman. “Where's your paci, baby?”

 

Roman shrugs, mumbling an ‘I dunno.’ at the same time Seth starts tapping Dean's knee urgently, trying to get him to turn back to face the road.

 

“Babe! The road!”

 

“Ah fuck-”

 

Roman giggles at the curse, frowning slightly when the cows disappear behind them, and he huffs. Dean and Seth make eye contact momentarily, both already agreeing on what the stuffie should be even without words.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Ok, now this is officially the longest Roman's ever been completely little. It's been over twenty-four hours, and he's kicking his legs softly in the backseat, playing with the sleeves of Bron's sweater as Bron smiles softly at him. They had just stopped at a Walmart after a -rather intense- bickering match between Dean and Seth about whether or not they'd make it to the next gas stop. Bron had won by saying he needed to stop too, and Seth dramatically groaned, putting it into the GPS. 

 

Dean had wandered off while waiting for them, ending up in the kid area, and he was immediately drawn to a stuffie he could see on the shelf. It was a round, black and white cow, and it looked incredibly soft. Picking it up he realized it was even softer than he looked, and he nearly sprints to the registers to pay for it, a -slightly manic looking- smile spread across his face. He just manages to hide the bag behind his back when his boys turn the corner, and he walks with them to the car.

 

Seth keeps throwing him curious looks but he doesn't say anything, just smiling, and when they get to the hotel for the night, he makes sure that the bag is carefully hidden. He, somehow, forgets about it until Roman's getting ready for bed, pulling one of Bron's shirts on as a pajama shirt. 

 

“Hey baby?”

 

Roman hums, tilting his head slightly, and Dean feels his heart melt.

 

“Me and Daddy got you something!” Seth looks at him in confusion but doesn't say anything, just continues to lay next to where Bron is fully asleep on the floor. “Do you wanna see it?”

 

“P'ease?” He's adorable, reaching his hands out to Dean, opening and closing his fists while smiling. Dean hands the bag over and the moment Roman pulls out the stuffie, he gasps.

 

“Moo!” The Samoan shoves the stuffed cow to his chest, giggling slightly where he's rocking. He rubs the fur along his face, laughing more when it scratches against his beard. “Sof’!” 

 

“Yeah! Do you like it?” Seth sits down next to him, reaching a hand out to run through the other's hair. Roman leans into the hand, humming. 

 

“Is my Moo.”

 

“It looks very nice, Rome.” Bron's voice is thick with sleep, and he's barely lifting his head off of the floor to look over at Roman. The Samoan smiles and shuffles over to where Bron's laying, holding out the stuffie and gently squishing it against his face.

 

“Like Moo, puppy?”

 

Bron nods and lays his head back down, letting his eyes flutter shut as Roman bounces the stuffed animal across his back, walking it back and forth. Both Seth and Dean are watching with soft smiles, both with a warm and fuzzy feeling in their chests. Roman continues playing with the cow until it's time for bed, and he brings it along to the bathroom, insisting that ‘Moo needs her teeth brushed too’. When he finally crawls into bed, it's with Moo tucked against his chest, one arm cradling it. They say their goodnights, and Roman huffs, pouting slightly.

 

“What's wrong Roro?”

 

He motions towards the cow, pout increasing slightly. Seth smiles and leans over to Roman's forehead and then the cow's.

 

“Goodnight to you too, Moo.”

 

There's silence, before a very pointed cough from Roman, and Dean sighs.

 

“Goodnight Moo.”

 

“Puppy say nigh's?”

 

“He's asleep, but I'm sure he says goodnight too.”

 

Roman smiles at closes his eyes, the feeling of the fur gently tickling his chin.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

The spot next to Dean is cold when he wakes up. Bron's curled up at the edge of the bed, and when he opens his eyes, he can see Seth across from him, but no Roman. He frowns, listening carefully for the sound of their baby, but there's no noise. That actually concerns him more, and he wiggles his foot out from under Bron's side, getting up to inspect the entire hotel room. He's not in the bathroom, not standing on the balcony outside, and Dean only just spots him hunched over on a chair. The stuffed cow is laying on the table in front of him, and he's glaring at it.

 

“Baby? Wha-”

 

“Don't call me that.” Roman snaps, his voice low so as to not disturb the others. He still hasn't looked at Dean, shoulders tense. Dean slowly walks forward, the floor creaking underneath his steps.

 

“Don't call you baby?”

 

“I'm not.”

 

“Roman, I don't understand.” Dean huffs, plopping himself down in the chair opposite of the shorter man, the cow still laying on the table between them.

 

“I am not,” He swallows harshly, and it echoes throughout the room. “Your baby.”

 

Something awful starts to twist in Dean's stomach, and he feels his stomach drop. When they first started this, when they put a name to the looks and touches and moments, Dean had constantly had a nagging voice in the back of his head telling him it was only time that it blew up in his face. It had gone away some time ago, around that first night his boys caught him with his pacifier in his mouth. The voice is back now though, and he digs his nails into the wood of the table.

 

“You don't want to be with us?” His voice is low, and Roman shakes his head. Dean feels nauseous, and he licks his lips, opening his mouth before Roman cuts him off.

 

“I love you guys, all of you. But I am not your baby.”

 

Some of the tension seeps out of his body, and he unclenches his hand from the table. And then he thinks about what Roman had just said. 

 

“I'm not a baby. I don't need any of this.” He motions to the stuffed cow, a scowl on his face. He's completely given up on whispering now, not yelling, but loud enough that Dean winces. “I don't need toys, I don't need a pacifier, I don't need any of it!” 

 

“Roman-”

 

“I am tired of you guys treating me like I'm helpless!” Roman's panting, gesturing around wildly. His eyes look wet, and all Dean wants to do is hold him against his chest, but he can't help but feel that that would make things worse.

 

“Roman, when have we ever-”

 

“You carried me to bed last night.”

 

“Because you asked me too.” Dean's voice is snappy, and he winces at the sound of it.

 

“I can't, I don't-”

 

Dean gets up quickly, crouching in front of the Samoan, placing his hands on his knees. “Rome baby, I need you to breathe for me, ok?”

 

His boys have had to talk him through more than one panic attack, so he's pretty much an expert at it at this point. He exaggerates his breathing, getting Roman to copy him.

 

“No one thinks you're helpless.”

 

“You bought me a sippy cup, Dean.”

 

“I have one.”

 

Roman scrunches his face, shaking his head. “That's not the same.”

 

“How? How is it different?”

 

“You- You're- it just is.”

 

“Do you think of me any differently in the ring? Do you think I'm weak?”

 

Roman shakes his head harder, reaching forward to clutch at Dean's hands. “Of course not.”

 

“Then why would I think any differently of you?”

 

Roman shudders out a breath, staring at a spot over Dean's shoulder. He lets the older man take as much time as he needs, even though his knees are starting to ache from how he's crouching. He can hear Bron's soft snoring, and he knows he'll need to wake them up soon. 

 

“Because I can't, I can't be weak.”

 

Dean's heart breaks, and he frowns. He doesn't even know what to say at first, shaking his head in disagreement.

 

“You're not weak, and even if you were, there's nothing wrong with that, Rome. You don't constantly need to be this big strong tribal chief."

 

“But then,” Roman shudders, breathing deeply a few times. “But then who am I?”

 

“You're Roman, you're Joe. You are an amazing, wonderful man, who is so kind. You are our lover, our baby, my papa. You're so much more than just the tribal chief.” 

 

Roman inhales, a bit wet, and huffs out a chuckle. “When did you become a therapist?”

 

“Years of personal experience.” They both chuckle, and Dean smiles softly, squeezing one of Roman's knees. “You being little changes nothing except the amount of fruit snacks we have to buy from Costco, ok? You can be this wonderfully strong, legend of a man in the ring, and also be our little boy outside of the ring.”

 

“He's right, you know.” They both snap their heads towards the new voice, seeing Seth leaning against the wall separating the beds and the kitchen. His hair looks crazy, and he still looks half asleep as he blinks at them. He's not really himself unless he's gotten through three cups of coffee in the morning. “You're our boyfriend, and it's ok to be vulnerable sometimes.”

 

“That's some big words for you this early in the morning.” Dean snorts, smiling when Seth flips him off. He turns back to Roman and is surprised to find that he has the cow stuffie in his lap, very slowly tracing over its ears. “Do you like it?”

 

“I do, I just,” He sighs, twisting his fingers into the fur. “I woke up and I was scared. I don't want you guys to start to doubt me because of this.”

 

“Less than a week ago you carried Mr. Quack around the locker rooms for me when my hands were full, this is no different, Roman. You're allowed to want soft things.”

 

Seth shuffles over and presses a kiss against Roman's hairline before he continues on his path towards the coffee maker. “Never thought I'd be agreeing with Dean this much.”

 

“Hey!”

 

The Samoan laughs, bringing the stuffie up against his chest, smiling at them. “Thank you.”

 

“Next time just wake us up when you start feeling safe-hatred.”

 

“Who's feeling self-hatred?” Bron's voice makes all three of them jump, and he yawns into his sleeve, clearly still just as tired as Seth.

 

“Roman was. Coffee?”

 

“Yes please. And that's stupid, don't do that.” He hugs Roman from behind the chair, leaning most of his body weight onto the older man. 

 

Roman huffs, patting the side of Bron's head. “Thanks puppy, I'll be sure to keep that in mind.”

 

Bron grunts, nuzzling his face against Roman's, smiling when the older man moves his face too, scratching their beards together. Dean smiles before he taps Roman's knee, getting his attention back on him.

 

“I mean it, really. You're allowed to just be little, you don't need to prove anything to anyone.”

 

Roman nods, clutching the cow tighter, and leans forward to place his forehead against Dean's. “Love you.”

 

All three of them say something along the lines of ‘I love you’ back. Dean knows that not every problem Roman has has just been fixed, that no matter how hard they try he's still going to be insecure, but he feels better knowing that they've actually talked about it. He gets up, groaning when his knees pop, and just smiles at Roman. The Samoan is looking at Seth, talking about something, mindlessly twirling the hair of the cow around with his finger, Bron slumped on top of him. He's already making a mental list of more stuffed animals he can buy for the man, just something to make it more evident that they love him just as much when he's little. He takes a sip from a cup Seth had just handed him and he smiles into the coffee, mapping out the closest Walmart.

 

 

 

(My Tumblr <3)

 

 

 

Notes:

Feel free to stop by my tumblr to say hi/give me any requests!!! They don't even have to be agere, just anything you lovely people think of!

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 45 of Gold's WWE Agere Fics