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“Is this thing working? Is the stream up?” Arlecchino mutters under her breath as she taps onto the mic, adjusting her headphones as she switches between her windows on her monitor.
Magic_catboi: father is on!
Teacatlady: Hello
persPenguin: Yes, the mic works.
Foltz6__: hu
horrerfilms: helol
ughmen: father!!!!!
celuere: Daddy???
Magic_catboi: _self-insert_?!?! omg
horrerfilms: *hello
edgeray: YOOOOOO
persPenguin: collab with _self-insert_ ?
knavesflames: would.
Arlecchino faintly smiles at the immediate chat messages, eyes scanning over familiar usernames.
“Thank you persPenguin. Let me pull this up…” The Knave displays the Minecraft title screen, ensuring that the right window is on stream. Once she's checked everything is set up, she faces the camera.
“This stream, we'll be playing Minecraft with _self-insert_. This is my first stream with them, so be considerate. We will get started once [Name] finishes setting up the server and they call me. In the meantime, how are you guys today?”
Magic_catboi: oh no. father. not minecraft
DilfDigger: my show is on
LilacLazernator: hello
HauntedMolerat: knave stream?? chat
persPenguin: good :D
Magic_cat_boi: go d
Conquer_of_Gluesticks: You single handily made me question my sexuality and it has destroyed me can we kiss
ughmen: i thank archon every day that women exist.
horrerfilms: fine, hru
ShakespeareSock: Good, wbu
Teacatlady: How many deaths will father have today place your bets below vv
GamerGoose07: collab with _self-insert_ was not on my 2025 bingo
enchantdisdick: okay
Magic_catboi: gud
HyacinthTeabag: more mc streams hurrah
celuere: ughmen, real.
i_came_i_saw_i_failed: Hi dad! If you had a fursona, what would it be?
edgeray: was about to study for an exam. nvm, ig
persPenguin: father i got an A on my math test
GamerGoose07: Teacatlady 10
cloudpawgames: !!!!_self-insert_!!!!
capybarasrock: where is Bambi Jr.
Magic_catboi: gamergoose have some faith. 15.
Dadleftforemilk: father, drop a tutorial on how to get your dad to come back
Teacatlady: A spider, obviously @I_came_i_saw_i_failed
Arlecchino stretches in her chair, watching her chat flood with messages. “I am pleased that your day has been pleasant. persPenguin, excellent job. Just as I said, you have nothing to worry about as long as you do your best. If any of you have not eaten today yet, know that I am disappointed. This is your reminder to grab a snack, as the stream won’t start for a few minutes.”
celuere: step on me
Ignoring that, Arlecchino scrolls back up her chat. “Bambi Jr.? She is doing just fine. Let me go get her.” Arlecchino rises from her chair and removes her bunny-eared headset, walking off camera to the right. She returns, a juvenile tarantula wandering over her tattooed arms.
Worstchestersauce: teacatlady that’s not very skibidi!!!! >:((((
capybarasrock: bambi!!
i_do_myth: late, but i am here! hi father!!
cloudpawgames: What type of spider is she again?
horrerfilms: tell bambi i said hi
Jean_notJohn: hello
Dadleftforemilk: father, will you be my dad
Magic_catboi: look at hwo good bambi jr. is. very mindful, very demure
Worstchestersauce: teacatlady. seven
HyacinthTeabag: we love bambi jr we say in unison
Dadleftforemilk: pls
The streamer smiles, letting the spider crawl onto her palm, standing patiently as if posing for the viewers. “Today has been going well for me. Yes, hello to the people still joining in. I went to the gym earlier this morning, had a good session, and ordered my favorite takeout afterwards. Very relaxed weekend today. I am excited for the stream, [Name] and I have played Minecraft a couple of times in the last few weeks, but this is the first time we’ll be streaming.”
She pauses at one of the latest messages. “What is demure?”
Unsurprisingly, it is another slang term that has cropped up. New internet lingo crops up like weeds, she thinks, and once more, everyone is calling her a boomer. A donation message comes through, and Arlecchino reads it outloud.
“LilacLazernator, thank you for the donation. ‘Day 193892 of asking you to call chat your little pog…champ?’” Arlecchino sounds out the last word. Vaguely, she recalls the term–was this not used during the earlier years of Covid? She continues the rest of the donation. “‘(please I need the validation).’ How do you all feel about this?”
Magic_catboi: YAS father!1!!11!
HyacinthTeabag: call us your little pogchamp
GamerGoose07: do it do it do it
Teacatlady: Say it
Arlecchino pinches the bridge of her nose with her free hand, letting Bambi Jr. crawl over her lap for a little bit. Sighing, she stares deadpanned at the camera. She opens her lips, but purses them the next moment, another sigh emerging from her.
“How are we feeling today… my little pogchamps?” Could regret ever be more instant?
Teacatlady: This is being clipped
The chat has a brief seizure as she picks up Bambi Jr. again, hearing a discord ping message through her headset and she quickly goes off camera to place Bambi Jr. back in her enclosure.
“Give me one moment, I believe [Name] just messaged me.”
_self-insert_
ready to go when you are! server is up. you got the server address?
knave
yes. is your stream set up? we can call?
_self-insert_
yes! let me go call you.
The discord call ringtone sounds through, and she accepts the call.
“Knave! How are you doing today?” your voice sounds through.
“Good, good. And you?”
“Great! Are you having any trou–oh, there you are!”
xKnavex joined the game.
Arlecchino’s character spawns in a meadow, trees scarce across a grassy landscape. Pigs and cows graze the land, and a chicken clucks somewhere nearby. The Knave find’s _self-insert_’s character punching a tree, and walks over.
“Here for the morning wood, huh?” _self-insert_ teases as the two of them punch the same tree.
Arlecchino rolls her eyes. “As if I would be interested in any wood,” she quips back. With the tree now demolished by their fists, leaving floating leaves, they move onto the next nearby tree.
“Not much of a Minecraft builder are you?” _self-insert_ jokes, some cheekiness in your tone as your character travels to find the nearest cave. Meanwhile, Arlecchino searches for food, promptly smacking wildlife with her fists.
‘Not what I meant,’ Arlecchino comments to herself, but answers back with a grin, “You're the Minecraft expert here, _self-insert_, not me. Aren't you here to teach me?”
You let out a melodic chuckle, and Arlecchino swears she could listen to it forever. “Yeah? You want me to make you an expert?” Your voice dips a bit, a sweet, silky tone that nearly makes the Knave shiver. You drop down into the mouth of a cave, mining enough cobblestone for an upgraded pickaxe, then delving deeper for coal.
“Not as good as you,” the Knave replies, a slight shake of her head. Arlecchino comes across a pig. The first hit is a success, but as the pig squeals and scatters, the next sequential punches aren’t so successful.
“I dunno, I can be a good teacher. If you're a good listener.”
“I can listen well.” After the nth hit, the pig finally dies, rewarding Arlecchino with just a single raw porkchop.
“Really well?”
“As good as I can be. I'll be good for you.”
“Just for me?”
“Of course. Whose going to teach me how to build our house?”
Another laugh comes from the other end of the call, the warmth in Arlecchin’s chest growing just from sound. “Oh, we’re sharing the same house? I wasn’t aware we were at that stage already in our relationship.”
“Our beds next to each other in our past worlds didn’t tell you enough? I’m hurt,” Arlecchino says, faux disappointment in her voice, a visible pout from her apparent through her face camera. “I thought we were closer than that, aren’t we?”
“I’ll move in with you again if you can give me some food,” _self-insert_ replies as her character resurfaces from the cave, a full set of stone tools and some ores in her inventory.
Arlecchino brutally eviscerates a cow with a clenched fist of raw porkchops. “Of course, I have some food for you. Where are you?”
“Aww, you miss me already? Give me your cords.”
As Arlecchino struggles to find the F3 button, the stream chat explodes.
Jean_notJohn: what happened to hi, hello, gm?
i_do_myth: is ths flirting
Worstchestersauce: what–
Conquer_of_Gluesticsk: 😮
Magic_catboi: what a stsrt to a stream
ughmen: we loe lesbianism
horrerfilms: father y r u alr flirting
Jean_notJohn: we get it father, you’re a lesbian
ShakespeareSock: lesbian tries not to be lesbian challenge failed
Teacatlady: Do the two of you need the room?
HauntedMolerat: r they dating???? ths their first stream right?
DilfDigger: local lesbian flirts with another woman after .1 seconds of meeting
Dadleftforemilk: are we interrupting something
persPenguin: father why
Worstchestersauce: since when were they together??? 0o0
capybarasrock: sesbian lex?!!?!?!1
GamerGoose07: stop being gay and make wooden tools
iloverats34: oil up
steponmepwettypls: when are you making out???
Like an absent father, Arlecchino neglects her chat in favor of still struggling to find her coordinates with your assistance. By this point, you have dug yourself in a hole and Arlecchino is screenrecording her game to _self-insert_. (“Okay, did you find the F3 button? Yeah? Okay, okay, look to the left, THE LEFT, to the LEFT, uh huh, yeah, top-middle-ish. Did you find it yet? No, okay, move your mouse, wait. Wait. It’s, it’s there, it’s right there, right there! Do you see it?! Do I need that big red circle from those clickbait videos!? Oh okay, you found it? Okay, read it out loud for me. Good job.”)
Arlecchino finds shelter on top of a tree, while you make the dangerous trek of searching for the Knave, weaving past creepers and dodging arrows as your hunger persists. You cross from one end of the forest to the next, and climb arduously up a mountain, determined to rescue your damsel in distress.
“I'm being shot at,” the white-haired streamer protests, her character prancing on top of a treetop in circles to avoid the arrows of skeletons. She is determined to stay alive until you can come, all the faith in you that you will be able to protect her any minute now.
“I’m coming! I should be there in a second! I should be close by. Wait, you’re in a tree right?” You scan your surroundings, scoping out the barren mountain side.
“Yes?”
“It’s 100 and 900 for the x and z coordinates, right?”
“Yes, wait.” Arlecchino goes to check her coordinates, realizing her grave mistake. “It’s negative 900.”
A moment of silence occurs between them, the only thing audible is the clacking of Arlecchino’s keyboard and the shuffling of leaves.
“I’m going to jump off a cliff.”
“Wait–”
Arlecchino successfully discourages your character down from the mountain, and by morning, you finally found her, perched in a tree.
“Give me my food please.”
“Okay, here’s some chicken.”
“This is raw.”
Arlecchino goes into her inventory to search for the right food. She drops several pieces of lambchops.
“This is raw too.”
“...you can still eat them.”
Your character begins walking away from her, chewing onto your uncooked poultry. You sigh out, “I want a divorce.”
“What? For what?” Arlecchino croaks out in utter bafflement. “We were married?”
“This is weaponized incompetence. I wanted cooked food.” A faux sob comes from your end. “I’m taking the kids with me.”
“What kids?!”
You sniffle. “Get out of my house.”
“We haven’t even built one.”
“Well, build one so I can kick you out of it.”
“You mean you’re no longer gonna sleep next to me?”
A bout of silence, before you admit defeat. “You make a good point. You can’t cuddle me if we’re divorced.”
“So we’re still married and I’m no longer kicked out of our hypothetical house?”
“Only if you can build our house.”
“I thought you were teaching me how to build.”
“Nope. You have to prove yourself to be worthy of marrying me. And I’m going to be busy.”
“Busy doing what?”
Arlecchino could practically hear the smile through your words. “Mining for a diamond.”
“Just one diamond?”
“Yeah. Who do you think will be proposing?”
GamerGoose07: marriage speedrun???
Magic_catboi: father with the RIZZ?!1?1?
cloudpawgames: I can’t tell ifthey’re like not dating or not
Jean_notJohn: are they joking? Or like, fr?
HauntedMolerat: they sound like my parents
ughmen: i know lesbian move in fast but… not that fast
Conquer_of_Gluesticks: drop tutorial on how to achieve wife
Teacatlady: Father, you never told us that _self-insert_ was your girlfriend
steponmepwettypls: there is no reason for you guys to be this cute and gay omg
“My chat thinks we’re dating,” Arlecchino says as she collects wood.
“Aren’t we?”
“In real life, they mean.”
“We can make that happen too, you know.”
Arlecchino nearly chokes on her spit. “Are you asking me… out?”
You contemplate it for a moment. “You know what? Yeah, I am.”
“I… I accept?”
“Great. Our next date is going to be off stream.”
“What–”
—
BONUS SCENES:
“So how do you like the house?”
“It’s…”
“Be nice.”
“I’m trying.”
“It’s not that bad, right?”
“Yeah… if we were in 2014. Maybe I should have taught you first.”
—
“Hey, you know if you press ‘Q’ while holding a pickaxe near lava, it reveals ores underneath the lava?”
“Really?”
“Yeah, go ahead.”
“... do you still have those divorce papers?”
—
“Watch out it’s a creeper!”
“AW MAN!”
“Where is this music coming from–”
—
“HyacinthTeabag, thank you for the donation. ‘I will bark if you do a waterbucket MLG.’ What’s an MLG, _self-insert_?”
“Oh, it’s easy. Watch this.”
“I can do that.”
xKnavex fell from a high place.
—
“Teacatlady says: ‘Father, here are some minecraft pickup lines to help you seduce–’”
“Seduce?!”
“‘–_self-insert_: Are you a redstone torch? Because you turn me on.’”
“Wow, I’ve never felt more aroused.”
“‘You must be a wolf because I want to give you my bone.’”
A bout of silence. _self-insert_’s character does a slow turn towards the Knave.
“‘Can I fertalize your crop with my bonemeal?’”
_self-insert_ remains silent to ensure that Arlecchino is done, before letting out a dramatic sigh. “You’re just so sexy. Make love to me right now.”
“Right here in this cave? Our first time deserves somewhere better.”
“You’re right. Let’s go back up to the surface.”
—
“Did you know you can dye beds? I got poppies so that you can dye your bed red.”
“I didn’t know that. What color do you like?”
“I like magenta, but their flowers are kind of hard to come by.”
“What flowers?”
“Alliums or lilacs.”
An hour later.
“Why do we have 43 Alliums in our chest?”
“I thought you wanted to dye your bed…”
—
For the record, Father only died 11 times. Keep inventory had to be turned on after the third death.