Chapter Text
The first time Todd lost something that really mattered to him, he hadn’t even really understood what had happened. One moment he was at home, the next his brother was tugging him by the arm. Not unkindly, no, Jeff was never like that, but there was still urgency in his motions.
“Come on Todd, we’re going out!”-he said, and didn’t wait for a response, just kept walking. “Where are we going?”-the younger of the two asked, but there came no response. Finally pulling his significantly shorter legs under him, he started rushing after his older brother.
He was barely five at the time, and- don't get him wrong – Jeff was great, but he was much older. All the things he was passionate about Todd found bland. It’s not necessarily that he didn’t understand them, they were simply uninteresting to him. As it turned out, their parents weren’t home, and Jeff was tasked with watching over him.
The only problem was that his brother had already made plans, and now he had to tag along to a foreign place with people he didn’t even know that well. The girls next door - twin sisters - were beautiful, but endlessly shallow. Their laughter rang high and shrill, and they wore matching grins. In fact, they looked exactly the same, right down to the last bobby pin hidden in their glowing locks of golden hair.
Because of their similarity to each other the siblings have always unsettled Todd quite a bit, but still, having to spend time with them was much different than just having to wave to them silently in the street when their paths crossed.
Their warped chorus of voices immediately spiked once they caught notice of Todd trailing behind Jeff. “Hi! What’s your name?”-said one. He never learned their names either as they haven’t bothered to ask his before. “Todd”-he said quietly, trying to make himself seem as small as possible. The crowing voices shifted into something more like purring, and he decided that he hated that even more.
“Can we go?” The question was out his mouth before he could even think twice. His face squeezed into a mortified sort of grimace, his father’s voice ringing clearly in his ear as if the man was there with the four of them.
You will always be polite, son, do you understand? The usual muttered yes was already there and prepared to jump off his tongue, right up until the point that he realized that he would be speaking to somebody who isn’t even there. What a stupid thing to do!
With awkward laughter exchanged between the two of them the twins fell into a comfortable stride, or at least a tempo that was just right for them, but with their seemingly infinite legs Todd had to walk much quicker than he usually did so that he would be able to keep up.
It dawned on him then, that he still had no idea where they were growing, and that opened what felt like a pit in his stomach. This wasn’t helped by the fact that Jeff let go of his arm and stepped away from him as if he were something to be ashamed of the moment he introduced himself.
People often thought he was dumb, or at least that’s what it felt like to him. They whispered about him, spoke about how he was different from other kids, or about how he was much too sensitive for a kid his age. Todd didn’t get it. He just felt a lot more than others seemed to.
It was as if his heart were an overflowing pitcher of emotions that he couldn’t quite make sense of. He tried, more often than you would think, he pulled on his mother’s skirt and told her all about what is tangled inside his chest, but she just pressed a warm kiss to his forehead and nuzzled his hair for a second, and then made some excuse to leave, or to send Todd away.
Todd knew better than to try that sort of thing with his father at all. Jeff was all caught up in his prestigious high school, at 14 he has been enrolled in Welton for a couple of years now, he had girls to think about, and all of these things that were a mystery for him.
Eventually, deeming the case hopeless, he just stopped telling his mom when he felt like something was wrong. His barely there connection with Jeff frayed completely, since the older boy was always at school during the year, and when he came home in the summer, he spent his time with friends, not really with Todd.
Now he just averted his eyes when someone said something mean about him behind his back, pretended that his ears weren’t straining to hear what some barely-an-acquaintance- of his had to say about him.
Each night he would go home, and turn the stabs made at him over in his head, in his heart. Some hurt worse than others, but each time he promised himself one thing: He will be better. He’ll change. He has to, so that people will like him. They can’t think he’s weird forever, can they?
Bumping into his brother’s back cut his train of thought short. Jeff gave him a look, but said nothing, just like he usually did. This time though, his eyes held no spark of kindness, like they always do. Instead, he just looked annoyed.
They had stopped in front of a shop that sold brightly patterned dresses. The girls oh-ed and ah-ed, staring at all the displayed items, but Todd felt indifferent at best, and lost at worst. Jeff looked to be in a similar state.
“Why are we even here?”- Todd asked in a meek voice, trying not to alert the twins of their conversation. “What can I say, it makes them happy.”- replied Jeff. The two of them didn’t really have much to say after that.
His sharp ears later on picked up on a - “He’s a bit dim, isn’t he?” “He certainly is.” - from - as he found out from their conversation with each other - Evelyn and Julie. Deciding that he didn’t like them, and now had a good reason to do so, he left them to their shopping, thinking to himself that they shouldn’t be saying that about him, or Jeffrey, or anybody at all.
His eyes got caught on a small table, one filled to the brim with rings. It was one of the only things he could reach with absolutely no trouble at all, and knowing that it wasn’t going to get any more interesting than that, he walked up to it to take a look.
Most of the rings were actually hideous, either way too bulky, or just straight-up ugly in some other way, but there was one that he liked. It held only one stone, was fairly small, and light, and was artfully crafted. Very simple, but he could somehow tell that this wasn’t one of those mass-produced things. When he held it in his hands, he felt the love and the care that was used to bend the metal around the dark moss green stone until it was hugged by cool silver from each side, seep into his own palms.
Sheepishly, he made his way back to Jeff, ring in hand. He hadn’t even tried putting it on, the thought of wearing it never even crossed his mind, he just knew that it was pretty, and that he needed to have it, to cherish it, like it has been cherished back when it was made.
Opening his palm, he held it up for his brother to see, who peeked at it with curious eyes for the fraction of a second, until his face lost all interest when realizing what it is. “Can I have this?” - he asked, voice wavering. Jeff looked a bit conflicted but then seemed to have decided. “Put it on the counter. I’ll tell the girls to wrap it up and put some things back, so that I can pay for this, alright?” He, like he almost always did, didn’t even wait for Todd to open his mouth, just started doing as he said he would right away.
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He loses it. It only survives two days in his pocket. Todd is inconsolable. After all, he never really had any secrets, never owned anything that his parents didn’t know of. For once in his life he had something all to himself, and he couldn’t even manage to take care of it.
Actually, keeping the ring secret wasn’t even his idea, but Jeff pulled him close once the front door closed behind the two of them, and whispered harshly in his ear, even though their parents weren’t home yet, the Chevrolet Deluxe missing from its place in the driveway.
“Tell nobody, ok? I don’t think Mum and Dad would be happy if they knew about this.” Todd had half a mind to ask why, but in the end, he just went with it. He took it everywhere with himself, hand in his pocket, grasping his secret treasure.
He has no idea when, or where it went missing, all he knows, is that when he went to bed on the second day, all cozied up in checkered pajamas, it wasn’t in the pocket of the pair of pants he wore during the day anymore. Suddenly the summer air outside felt suffocating, as he dug through his things and searched all of the places where it could be.
The ring never reappeared. It stayed hidden in some little crevice or another of his room, maybe somewhere else in the house, or perhaps he had dropped it out on the streets somewhere... The possibilities were endless.
Todd felt awful, stuck in a mantra of It’s gone, you lost it, you can’t have it back. There was exactly one night in his life when he was in possession of the ring, and it was the most beautiful one of what felt like his entire life.
Instead of the feeling that the negative emotions in his chest were dying to break out, he felt safe, and for once the demeaning comments didn’t bounce around in his head, he just laid there in his bed, ring in hand. Closing his eyes seemed easy for once.
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“Todd. Neil tried to kill himself.”