Chapter 1: Whatever
Chapter Text
Nick joined Troy's militia.
He himself didn't really know why.
Maybe it was to piss off his mom or to prove himself to Jeremiah...or maybe, just maybe, it was to stop the curiosity he felt toward Troy.
Nick hated him.
Deeply, with his whole being. He wanted to punch Troy until that smug smile disappeared from his face.
And still, he couldn't kill him. He tried to convince himself that the only reason was to avoid getting his family kicked off the ranch, but maybe there was more to it than he wanted to think about.
Don't forget who he is.
"Focus, Clark. We're in the middle of a meeting."
That damn voice.
Nick could almost hear his cheeky fucking grin.
Nick sat apart from the group. He had no motivation to join the discussion. He knew Troy wouldn't listen to his suggestions anyway. Why should he bother?
Nevertheless, he became suspicious when he heard about Troy's suicidal mission.
When Nick asked Troy what he was up to, Troy approached him, smugly holding onto the tent in front of Nick.
Troy told him that one of them was staying behind to die as if it were the most normal thing in the world. The bastard even joked about leaving a suicide note.
Nick didn't think much about what he said next- maybe he just wanted to test Troy.
"Well, when it comes to that, I'll do it."
Troy stared at him for a moment with an unreadable expression. Was he surprised by the sudden suggestion that Nick was ready to kill himself, or was he curious? Oh, definitely curiosity.
"You feeling blue, Nicky?"
Nick had to pull himself together not to grin.
"Nah, I'm just suicide-proof."
When the other men around them started laughing, Nick was sure his annoyance had worked.
But Troy tried not to notice and came even closer to Nick.
"Oh that's uh- that's well and good but...I think you're gonna stay within the fence. You can be a kamikaze another day."
"Why do you want me to stay here? Are you afraid I can take down more of them or walkers than you can?"
Nick didn't flinch, he wasn't going to let this idiot tell him when he could and couldn't put his life in danger.
The other men's laughter only added to the provocation, causing Troy to move closer menacingly. But Nick also thought he could see a hint of nervousness in his eyes.
"Oh, is that supposed to be some kind of challenge?"
Any nervousness disappeared as Troy's face turned back into his usual grin. He was almost concentrating fully on Nick, completely ignoring the men around him who were mocking him.
Nick was still staring at him defiantly.
"And you think you can win this?"
"Afraid to find out?"
Troy burst into a little manic laugh.
"Fine, fine, let's find out!"
They left on the same night after Troy gave the final orders.
Nick was supposed to ride in Troy's car in case there was an opportunity for their competition.
Another soldier was in the car with them, but Nick had already forgotten his name. But Troy let Nick sit in the passenger seat so he could babble at him the whole way. His pointed jibes were not to be missed, of course.
Nick had zoned out long ago, though. Troy didn't expect any answers anyway.
Just as Nick was losing himself in his thoughts, Troy suddenly slammed on the brakes, jolting Nick out of his seat.
Before Nick could complain about the sudden braking, Troy got out and announced over his walkie-talkie that they were taking a short break but that the others could continue on their way.
"Nick get your ass out, we've found our participants!"
Only when Nick got out with a sigh did he see the small group of about 11 or 12 walkers who were about to attack a dead hyena.
"Well, are we playing for wagers?"
Play. That alone made Nick want to strangle him with his bare hands again.
"Is your honor not wager enough?"
Nick said sharply, taking the machete from his belt buckle that Troy had placed in his hand before the ride.
Troy clicked his tongue.
"All right, then show me what you've got, you bore! John, you count!"
Troy shouted at the soldier who was just getting out of the car, seemingly named John. John gave both thumbs up as Troy pulled out his machete and grinned at Nick in excitement.
Troy counted down from three, and then they both pounced on the zombie mob.
Troy had a slight advantage because he could run faster than Nick, but they were evenly matched when it came to killing the walkers.
While Nick was already out of breath, Troy laughed maniacally the whole time, not only destroying the walkers' brains but also chopping them up.
He's a fucking psychopath. How could he have so much fun doing this?
Nick was stabbing a walker in the head when he felt Troy approaching. He tried to back away in panic as Troy yanked his legs off the ground.
With a loud thud, Nick fell forward onto the ground, losing his machete in the process.
"Do you have to use unfair means already?"
Nick hissed as he tried to push himself up from the dirt.
"You've already lost anyway!"
But that wasn't enough embarrassment for the psychopath. He grabbed the last "living" walker and threw it at Nick.
Defenseless, Nick tried to keep the walker away with his arms and legs.
"Oh no, do you need my help now, too, Nicky?"
"Fucking lunatic-" Nick hissed, which only made Troy laugh harder.
Nick would rather be eaten by the biter than beg Troy for help.
Just as Nick's strength gave way and the biter was inches from his face, Troy's machete pierced its brain, dropping it on top of Nick.
"Were you just about to give up?"
Nick clicked his tongue as he pushed the walker off of him and stood up.
He walked past Troy and back to the car, wiping the blood from his face.
John stared at him in shock as he walked past.
The militia knew how crazy Troy was, of course, but apparently, even they were shocked. He knew none of them would dare bring it up anyway, so why bother?
"It was close—the walkers... Troy only had one more—"
Was that an attempt to cheer Nick up?
John immediately fell silent when Troy joined in.
"Come on, Nick. Are you frustrated now?"
Nick was about to tackle Troy when John fell to the floor with a sickening sound.
Before he could realize the small hole in his head, Troy dragged him behind the truck, cursing loudly.
"What the—?"
"Fuck those rednecks!"
Troy immediately fired back with his rifle, which he always had on him, while Nick was still trying to assess the situation.
"Nick, pull yourself together! On my command, you run into the truck. UNDERSTAND?"
Since he still couldn't make a sound, he just nodded more than necessary.
Troy fired a few more shots until he yelled, "Go!"
Just like Troy, Nick stormed to the truck and threw himself into the seats.
Within milliseconds, Troy started the car and sped off in a huge cloud of dust.
"They're chasing us- " Nick realized after a quick glance in the rearview mirror.
"Oh, no fucking shit, Nick—"
Troy took a few sharp turns, but the natives' trucks followed closely behind.
Nick slumped further in his seat as bullets started coming through the armored windows.
"Shit- Nick, we're jumping out!"
"Wait, wait, wait- How do you mean, jump out?"
"Goddamn it, Nick! Just do what I tell you!"
"They'll see that—"
"Up ahead, the rock is covering us!"
Seconds later, Troy hit the gas and drifted behind a large rock.
Before Nick could react, Troy grabbed him by the collar and threw him out of the car, followed closely by Troy himself.
As the car sped straight ahead on the straight stretch of road, Troy rolled them off and slipped under a narrow rock cut, pulling Nick along with him.
Nick was lying under Troy and the rock face, cradled by him, so he could hardly breathe and was gasping for air.
"Shut up, Nick—"
Troy hissed quietly, cupping Nick's mouth with his hand.
This did not help Nick calm down. He felt like he was going to choke at any moment.
As the natives searched the area after checking the empty truck, Nick focused on the only other sound, Troy's heartbeat. He didn't realize how close they were until he literally felt Troy's heartbeat on his skin.
He had no sense of how much time passed before the natives finally drove away, including Troy's truck, but it felt like an eternity.
Finally, Troy pulled his hand away, allowing Nick to breathe, and slid out of the crevice. Nick scrambled after him.
While Troy analyzed the area and mumbled something under his breath, Nick tried to stay on his feet.
What had just happened?
He felt as if his spirit had just left his body.
"The weather doesn't look like we're going to make it to the ranch dry. Nicky, how about a sleepover party?"
How could this idiot be so calm? Does he really feel no fear?
Nick was back in full force as he felt the pots on his skin.
"Shit! Take your legs in your hands, Nick. There's a little hut near here."
When the drizzle turned into a downpour, the two of them ran to the small wooden hut.
Once there, Troy smashed a window, and they both climbed out into the dry.
"Ah, fuck! Now that was something!"
After barricading the doors and windows, Nick slumped down on the sofa.
"Done, Nicky? We definitely need to work on your stamina."
Nick buried his face in his hands. If it were just physical exhaustion, he could pull himself together, but they had just been shot at. Worst of all, Troy was still grinning smugly. God, he wanted to knock that smirk off Troy's face. But with them stuck here together, his chances of winning a fight were even worse than usual.
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
Nick took his hands off his face and looked at Troy sideways.
"Are you that hot to die?"
Nick didn't know what he was expecting, but he hoped for a reaction other than a smirk.
But of course, that comment only made Troy's smile widen.
Troy whistled and came closer to Nick.
"This is coming from you? I thought you were known for trying to kill yourself at every opportunity."
He leaned over the back of the sofa.
"I don't blame you, Nicky. Your life hasn't really seemed worth living so far."
Now it was Nick's turn to snort sharply.
“Then why did you save me earlier if my life isn’t worth living?”
Troy probably didn't expect this question, given the look on his face.
He shrugged his shoulders.
"I'm just a good leader who protects his men."
Nick snorted again, catching Troy's narrowed eyes.
“You don’t believe that yourself. Didn’t you order your men to go on a suicide mission earlier?”
Troy stood up straight and flexed his arms.
"That's a necessary evil—"
"Why did you really do it?"
Nick scanned Troy as if trying to see through his soul.
"Is it because of my mom? Are you afraid she won't like you anymore if you bring me back as a corpse?
Troy sighed and walked from the couch into the kitchen behind it.
"You're talking nonsense, Clark."
Nick clicked his tongue and burrowed deeper into the couch.
As if. His mother had him completely in the palm of her hand.
“Can’t I just protect my friend from getting shot without an ulterior motive? Or are you mad because you didn't die?"
Friend...
Nick wouldn't call them that right now.
He rolled his eyes and didn't feel like talking anymore.
He just hoped the damn rain would stop quickly.
But when he heard a zipper open, he turned back to Troy.
Troy was taking off his jacket, then his T-shirt.
As Troy wrung both clothes out over the sink, he noticed Nick's puzzled look.
"You'd better get rid of that wet stuff, too. The way the sky looks, we're going to be stuck here for a while."
It was getting pretty soggy in this soaked uniform, after all.
However, the idea of standing in front of Troy in his underwear gave him the chills.
Troy, on the other hand, didn't seem to mind when he took off his wet pants.
Nick sincerely hoped that he at least left his underwear on.
Why did that make him so nervous anyway? There's nothing about Troy's body that he doesn't know about himself.
When Troy disappeared into the small bathroom, Nick took off his jacket. At least he could do that without exposing himself.
He heard a trembling haha before Troy came out of the bathroom and threw Nick off with a towel.
Nick tried to give Troy a grim look, but when he saw him undressed and wearing only boxer shorts, he immediately turned away and quickly began drying his hair with the towel.
Good Lord- When did he become so desperate that he got nervous at the mere sight of Troy's bare chest?
Sure, Nick knew he liked men, too- and Troy was definitely attractive- but he was and always would be Troy. The arrogant, conscience-less mass murderer should put him off.
Was he really that horny?
"Shit, Nick, take that stuff off, or you'll soon have a lousy cold."
At least now he's annoyed by Troy. That's better than whatever he was feeling before.
"Afraid I'm going to die of a cold? Maybe you should have thought about that before putting us in this position in the first place."
Troy snorted loudly.
"Am I to blame for the weather now, Clark?"
"Maybe not for that."
"And for what, then?"
"Let me think..."
Nick pretended to ponder a difficult question dramatically to make fun of Troy.
"Ah, I got it! For getting us attacked because you wanted your stupid competition!"
“My stupid competition? I'm pretty sure that was your idea."
Troy stepped closer to Nick on the couch.
"Since when are you so easily persuaded?"
Nick stood up and walked toward Troy until he was only a few centimeters away.
“Are you dancing to my tune now just because my mother has you wrapped around her finger?”
Nick knew he had gone too far when Troy grabbed him by his still very wet T-shirt.
"I'm not dancing to anyone's tune, and I'm definitely not going to be wrapped around anyone's finger."
Troy pulled Nick so close that he could feel his hot breath on his face.
Nick had to get out of this position quickly, even if it meant putting himself in danger.
"Oh yeah, what is it between you two then? Do you want her to be your new mommy because yours will never—"
Nick managed to get out of the awkward position - even though it was very painful - because now he was smashed to the ground by Troy's fist.
Troy crawled on top of Nick and threw another punch, which Nick only just managed to fend off.
He certainly wouldn't let himself be beaten while defenseless.
So they spent the next few minutes beating each other up and fighting for the upper hand.
Nick tried to ignore the heat he was feeling.
Finally, when Troy showed a moment of weakness, Nick gained the upper hand and overpowered him.
Now, he was on top of Troy, pinning him to the ground.
"Shit, Clark, you can really punch hard!"
Troy grinned smugly as he wiped the blood from his nose.
Nick had to admit that he liked seeing a defenseless Troy under him, so he wanted to provoke him even more.
He leaned forward to look Troy straight in the eye.
“You have no idea what I'm able to do”
When Nick felt Troy's hot breath on his lips, he realized that something was moving where he was sitting.
He looked down.
Troy got a hard-on.
Really now? That was actually meant as a threat from Nick - but maybe that's exactly what made Troy horny - he wouldn't put it past him. The guy grinned like crazy when Nick held a gun to his head.
"Nick could you get down for a minute-"
Nick had been sure for a while that troy wanted something from him.
Those constant greedy looks- at first he thought Troy was just waiting for the right opportunity to kill Nick in the most brutal way possible, but eventually he realized that Troy wanted something else entirely. (Although he would never completely rule out the first one).
Maybe it was because Troy kept staring at his lips, or licking them when Nick was close to him.
He was very sure of himself- as sure as you could be with Troy.
So fuck it- Nick was at least as horny as Troy and they had nothing better to do anyway.
Plus this would finally shut Troy up.
Nick closed the gap between them, pressing his lips hard against Troy's.
Troy's body tensed immediately, but he didn't push Nick away. On the contrary, he opened his mouth, inviting Nick to stick his tongue down his throat.
When Nick pulled back so that they both didn't suffocate from lack of oxygen, a soft, almost moaning fuck escaped Troy's lips.
As Nick attacked him with another kiss, Troy grew braver and slowly slid his hands under Nick's T-shirt. Nick pulled back to finally remove the wet shirt.
While Troy was busy exploring Nick's body with his lips, Nick's hand snuck inside Troy's boxers.
Troy flinched when Nick touched his penis, but he immediately reached for Nick's belt to open his pants.
Nick snorted as he watched Troy desperately try to open the belt buckle with shaky hands while Nick began rubbing Troy's member with quick hand movements.
Troy moaned when he finally got Nick's pants open.
Nick moved up a little to pull down his pants to get his own penis out of his boxers.
While Troy was busy nibbling and biting Nick's skin obsessively, Nick brought their penises together in his hand and began working them with quick strokes.
This caused Troy to throw his head back, slamming hard into the floor.
Nick laughed as he buried his face in Troy's curls.
Troy didn't have time to complain before trying to form words through his moans.
"Nick—shit, Nick—I'm close—"
Nick hummed and rubbed faster until they both came over Troy's belly almost simultaneously.
They both moaned loudly until they reconnected their lips to engage in a tongue fight.
Nick pulled back to look at Troy, who was completely exhausted, sweaty, and flushed. He looked at Nick with his big blue puppy eyes while his chest moved up and down quickly.
Nick definitely preferred that expression to the smug grin. Maybe he should do this more often when Troy pissed him off.
While Troy was still recovering, Nick stroked his body through the accumulated cum.
Oh Nick's lust had definitely not been sated yet.
"Nicky?"
Troy stared at him, puzzled but curious.
First, Nick put his fingers in his mouth, which made Troy's penis harden again. Then, he put his fingers in Troy's mouth.
Troy's breathing stopped briefly when Nick stuck his fingers deep into his mouth.
Nick moved his fingers in and out, causing Troy to suck on them lightly.
Nick pulled his fingers out of Troy's mouth all at once, as his fingers were full of saliva.
Troy looked at him in wonder until Nick slowly moved his fingers toward Troy's ass and suddenly stuck two of them in.
Nick grinned as Troy grabbed his arms in shock.
"Never done this before?"
"Shut- your mouth—"
Troy tried to say between his groans.
"Don't worry. It only hurts a little..."
Troy was too busy moaning to respond.
Nick started stroking his own dick as he realized that he had stretched Troy's asshole enough.
"Grit your teeth, be a brave soldier."
He slapped his saliva onto his penis and, without giving Troy a chance to breathe, rammed it into Troy with a powerful thrust.
Nick enjoyed hearing Troy curse as he thrust into him faster and faster, fucking him harder and harder into the ground.
Meanwhile, Troy's hands moved from Nick's upper arms to his hair, holding on tightly.
It didn't take Nick many thrusts to make Troy cum again with loud moans.
"Shit, Troy—did you just cum from my cock?"
Troy opened his eyes slightly and glared at him.
Nick also came inside Troy a few thrusts later.
He pulled his cock out of Troy before slumping on top of him and burying his head in Troy's shoulder.
They lay there breathing heavily for a while until they both came back to their senses.
"This is honestly not how I imagined today's mission would go" Nick said jokingly as he crawled off Troy and pulled his underpants back up properly.
"Well, at least you finally got your wet clothes off"
Troy straightened up and grinned at him.
But this time Nick felt no disgust at his grin- no this time it didn't look as smug as usual.
"Whatever..."
Chapter 2: Man, you’re so messed up
Summary:
Nick and Troy finally made it back to the ranch. But when they arrived, they saw that all hell had broken loose.
Troy wants to take revenge immediately after the poison attack by the natives, and Nick has to stop him at all costs.
----
"Then the two of us will go alone...We'll get half of them."
"What? No—no, no—WE won't do that- we'll be dead in no time."
"I thought that's exactly what you wanted! Here's your chance to commit suicide..."
"Troy, I—"
"Oh, come on, Nicky, you have no choice. After all, this is your fault..."
"How is this my fault...?"
"Damn it, Nick—if you hadn't gotten me distracted yesterday with your stupid games- then I would have been here—"
"And then what? Then you would have been poisoned too and-"
Before Nick could finish his sentence, Troy grabbed the collar of his uniform and slammed him against the wall behind him.
"When did I ask for your fucking opinion? I'm in command here, and when I say we're going to shoot those damn parasites tonight, you're going to obey.”
Notes:
》Why choose between sex and arguing when you can simply do both? I wrote this chapter in a state of great confusion- it's called a particularly bad ADHD phase—I hope it all makes sense somehow!《
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Nick woke up on the old, uncomfortable sofa, although he couldn't remember how he had gotten there the previous night.
When he opened his eyes, he saw Troy sitting on the other side of the couch with his arms crossed.
Seeing Troy's bare chest, Nick suddenly remembered what had happened the last night.
He jumped up from the couch and grabbed his clothes, which Troy had neatly hung up after—whatever had happened yesterday—so thankfully, they were wearable again.
While Nick struggled into his pants, Troy woke up grumbling.
"Get dressed, Sleeping Beauty. The weather has calmed down. We should go back."
Troy ruffled his hair and looked sleepily at Nick until his eyes widened, and he jumped up.
He stammered as he put his uniform back on.
The walk back to the ranch was exhausting; the intense heat hit them both hard.
Still, Nick was glad that they couldn't talk much, even though he thought they had agreed not to talk about last night.
As they approached the ranch, they both noticed that something was wrong.
When they arrived at the gate, not a single one of Troy's men was there, which was odd since they had orders from Troy to guard the gate day and night.
When they were let in, Alicia ran straight to her brother and gave him a big hug.
"Fuck, Nick! I thought you weren't coming back."
Nick immediately noticed her exhausted appearance.
"What's going on here, Alicia? Where is everyone?"
"And where's Jack?" Troy interjected.
"Shit! All hell has broken loose here. Jack is in the medical tent, as is the entire militia."
Troy immediately rushed off, closely followed by Nick and Alicia.
He exhaled shakily when he saw Jack, who was treating the others instead of lying on the hospital bed himself.
Was the sociopath worried about his brother?
"Damn it, Troy, where the hell were you?"
Jake immediately went to his brother, but there was no hint of happiness on his face upon seeing his brother's return.
“We were attacked by those damn Indians—they killed John and took our truck— hell, what happened here?”
Nick kept a close eye on Troy as Jack told him that almost his entire militia had fallen victim to an Indian poison attack—triggered, of all things, by Ofelia.
He saw the anger rising in Troy with every sentence.
"Goddamn it—how many men are left? Are the two teams from yesterday back? Then, with Nick and me, that makes—”
"Troy, forget it. I know what you want to do, but we're not launching a counterattack."
This time, Troy approached Jake. But there was no trace of the relief Troy had felt just moments ago when he saw his brother alive. In fact, Troy's gait was threatening.
"What do you mean, Jake? Are we just going to sit here and wait until they finish off the rest of us?"
"Troy, think about it. There aren't enough of us! Even the uninjured men need time to recover and get over the shock- damn it! Not everyone is so coldhearted that they can ignore the fact that their friends and family have died!"
Nick had heard Jake say harsh things about Troy before, but he was still surprised by how bluntly Jake said it to his face.
Troy's eyes twitched, and Nick braced himself for another fight.
But Troy just clicked his tongue and stormed out of the tent.
Nick watched him in disbelief when he felt Alicia's hand on his arm. "Damn it, Nick! Go after him and talk some sense into that idiot, or he'll get us all killed."
Nick sighed heavily.
It's easy for her to say, but Nick has absolutely no idea how to do that.
"Do you really think he'd listen to me? It's Troy Otto we're talking about—nothing can change his mind."
Alicia looked at him with slightly narrowed eyes.
"You still have the best chance of getting through to him...For some reason, he seems to like you..."
Nick snorted.
"Like" might not be the right word for it. He’s pretty sure Troy is interested in him- especially his body, but they didn't really have an interpersonal relationship. Who knows if this guy is even capable of caring about anyone else...
“Just try, okay?”
Nick sighed again and turned around.
"If he kills me, you'll have to explain that to Mom"
He said, waving slightly.
Finding Troy wasn't difficult. It was obvious where he would go.
Nick leaned against the doorframe of the weapons storage room.
“Are you really just going to run in there?”
Troy didn’t look up from the assault rifle in front of him. Nick wondered if he had even heard him or if he was too deeply focused on his plan for revenge.
Then, he glanced up at Nick briefly and narrowed his eyes sternly.
“Troy, man, no one is going with you-”
Now he showed a clear reaction by rolling his eyes before turning back to his weapon.
As he secured the ammunition in the rifle with a click, that sick grin reappeared on his lips.
"Then the two of us will go alone...We'll get half of them."
"What? No—no, no—WE won't do that- we'll be dead in no time."
Troy began to laugh maniacally.
"I thought that's exactly what you wanted! Here's your chance to commit suicide..."
"Troy, I—"
"Oh, come on, Nicky."
He turned to Nick, rifle in hand, and came toward him.
"You have no choice. After all, this is your fault..."
Nick took a step back when Troy got uncomfortably close after putting the rifle down again.
At least he's not shooting him dead right away.
"How is this my fault...?"
"Damn it, Nick—if you hadn't gotten me distracted yesterday with your stupid games- then I would have been here—"
"And then what? Then you would have been poisoned too and-"
Before Nick could finish his sentence, Troy grabbed the collar of his uniform and slammed him against the wall behind him.
"When did I ask for your fucking opinion? I'm in command here, and when I say we're going to shoot those damn parasites tonight, you're going to obey.”
Troy's commanding voice made Nick tremble. Yes, he was almost frightened by it, but what was there to be afraid of now when he was going to die anyway during Troy's suicidal counterattack?
So he put his hands on Troy's to push his hands away.
"Troy, try thinking for once—"
Troy instantly pulled his hands right away from Nick at the sudden touch.
And so Nick immediately comes up with an idea - perhaps a very immoral one - but who cares if he can use it to prevent unnecessary bloodshed.
“Where did the fear of being touched suddenly come from?”
Nick felt his lips tighten into a wicked grin- that's what it feels like Troy- while this time he was the one invading Troy's privacy.
"Yesterday you were all obsessed with grabbing me..."
Troy actually flinched at Nick's hiss.
"Can it!- just shut up"
It's startling and perhaps a little disturbingly amusing for Nick to hear Troy's voice tremble.
Does he actually see a bit of fear in those big blue eyes?
Just one more small step and Troy will quickly forget his revenge plan-
"Why? Afraid someone will find out that their strong military leader is letting himself be fucked by a man?”
He had spoken a little louder than necessary, which was why Troy had pounced on him, pressing his hand over Nick's mouth to prevent even a single breath from leaving his mouth.
But of course, Nick was still not at all intimidated by this.
So he freed himself by biting Troy's palm, causing him to yank his hand away.
"You piece of shit—"
Nick enjoyed the sight for a moment, before leaning towards Troy and whispering:
"Bet Jeremiah would be so proud of his favourite little gay son..."
Nick hit the floor with a thud as Troy slapped him.
Of course he had expected it — no, he had actually provoked it.
If Troy vented all his anger on him, he might not have enough left for impulsive decisions.
They fought like last night, only this time they were fortunately clothed. But today Troy clearly had the upper hand, hitting Nick so hard that
he briefly thought he might die because of it.
It seems Troy held back a lot last night.
Luckily, Madison came storming in shortly afterwards; she was probably looking for Nick anyway.
She shouted at Troy to let go of him, and after two more punches, he actually stopped.
He stood up, wiped his face and left the room without saying another word.
Madison immediately knelt down next to him and asked desperately what was wrong, while Nick tried to staunch the flow of blood from his nose.
Needless to say, he didn't tell her everything, only what Alicia had asked him to do, and that he thought he had achieved it, at least.
After that, he had to listen to his mother's long-winded lecture until he could finally return home.
Troy did not attack the natives that night.
Nick had never been a deep sleeper. Before the apocalypse, he only slept through the night when he was completely stoned.
One of the few things about him that was damaged but actually came in useful during the apocalypse.
So he opened his eyes before he felt the hands on his throat.
Of course he knew who it was.
He was irritated that he hadn't thought beforehand that Troy would want revenge.
Nick's instincts immediately took over.
He pulled Troy's thumbs with his hands to give himself a little breathing space, but Troy flashed his teeth and tried to squeeze harder.
But nick used the momentary shock to free his leg, pull his knee up to his chest, and smash it into Troy's face with all his strength.
Troy pulled away, and Nick kicked him in the stomach, causing him to lose his balance and fall off the bed.
In the few seconds it took Troy to get back up, Nick grabbed his knife from the nightstand and jumped on Troy.
Once again, they were sitting in the same position as last night after their fight- only this time, Nick had a knife pressed against Troy's throat.
"What was that supposed to be? If I die, your secret dies with me. Or how does your master plan work?”
Nick thought the main difference from yesterday was that this situation was clearly more dangerous and threatening—at least until he saw Troy's manic grin.
"Who knows? Could have worked..."
There was that arrogant voice again- the kind that could make Nick lose his temper.
Nick raised the knife and slid its blade across Troy's throat.
"Considering the situation you're in, you seem very calm...”
Troy just snorted and swallowed hard under the knife at his throat.
"Something is very wrong with you..."
"Oh, quick-witted?"
As he made this snide comment, Nick cut Troy's skin rather superficially.
That made Troy shudder—but his grin still didn't disappear...and—
“Dude, are you hard again?”
Nick could literally feel Troy's erection pressing against his ass.
“Do you like this kind of fucked-up shit, or are you just so damn lonely that any physical contact makes you horny?”
This time, however, Troy didn’t seem to feel any shame.
“No need to be jealous, Nicky, I only get a hard-on when you touch me.”
That made Nick laugh in disbelief.
“Man, you’re so messed up.”
“Yeah, yeah, as if you’re any better.”
Troy laughed and lifted his hips provocatively, pressing his boner even harder against Nick's ass.
Nick cursed himself when his penis immediately shuddered in response to the movement.
"Go back to your house, Troy..."
Nick stood up—if he touched him any longer, he would really get a hard-on, and he really didn't want to prove Troy right.
Jesus, there's definitely something wrong with him. He never used to be like this, but ever since he met this far too good-looking sick sociopath, he felt like he was slowly going crazy.
Nick turned around and walked toward his bed, hoping Troy would leave.
But he should have known better by now.
He realized it was a mistake to turn his back on Troy when Troy threw himself at him from behind, causing them both to fall onto the bed.
Troy's body pressed against Nick's as he pinned him down.
"Shit, Troy—"
"Come on, Nicky- you can't leave me like this..."
While one of Troy's hands pressed Nick's body onto the bed, the other grabbed Nick's hair and pressed his head into the pillow.
Nick winced when he felt Troy's tongue on his neck.
"Troy, let go..."
His voice was muffled by the pillow, but he was pretty sure Troy could still hear him.
Of course, Troy completely ignored him and bit Nick's neck full blast.
Nick let out a small scream of surprise and began to writhe beneath Troy.
"Fuck, Troy- I'm really not in the mood right now!"
Maybe he said that partly to convince himself because he could feel himself getting harder and harder.
How messed up was he to get turned on by something like this?
"Come on, nicky! You own me!"
Of course, Troy didn't stop- in fact, he looked delighted at Nick's attempts to defend himself.
"I definitely don't—"
Once again, Troy started laughing maniacally.
"You used my heavily traumatizing, homophobic, violent father against me to manipulate me? I think the least you can do to make amends is fuck me!"
That actually stopped Nick in his tracks for a moment.
It was really shitty of him. But it's also shitty to fuck Troy now because of his feelings of guilt.
"God, are you even listening to yourself? You wanted to kill me five minutes ago-"
Troy snorted into Nick's neck, which he was still wildly attacking with his lips.
"Yes, and now I see a better use for you!"
Troy sat up—without letting go of Nick, of course—and examined his work of art.
"Or do I disgust you so much that you'd prefer I kill you? If that's what you're into, we can arrange that, too. Fine by me..."
Nick was confused for a moment until he felt Troy's hands around his neck again. Troy immediately began to squeeze tightly once more.
What kind of mood swings are these, God?
When Nick felt Troy reduce his weight on him due to the strangulation, he pushed himself up from the bed and pressed his back against Troy's.
Now that there was some distance between them, Nick swung his leg back and kicked Troy hard in the groin.
Nick quickly got back up while Troy sank to the floor.
"You sick bastard..."
Nick hissed, staring at Troy's grin, which, for some reason, still hadn't disappeared.
The sick bastard recovered quickly from his "castration" because, when Nick threw his legs over the edge of the bed and was about to stand up, Troy crawled over to him. He laid his face in Nick's lap and stroked his thighs with his hands.
"Please, cowboy...just let me suck your cock, at least."
He still wasn’t giving up. It made Nick dizzy.
Without giving Nick a chance to respond, Troy started kissing and lightly biting the now-obvious bulge in Nick's pants.
Nick tried hard to fight it—he tried to think about all the disgusting things Troy had done while he tried to pull Troy away by his hair. Of course, that only made Troy growl erotically.
But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't calm his desperately throbbing cock.
Is it time to give up already?
“God, I hate you.”
He pulled Troy up and caught him with a lustful kiss as he pulled down his pants and boxer shorts.
Nick let their tongues wrestle together for a moment before pushing Troy back down to his cock.
"I've always wanted to do that..."
Troy giggled as he excitedly took Nick's penis in his hands and started licking it.
When Troy took his dick in his mouth, Nick had to breathe heavily to suppress his moans.
Although it was obvious that Troy had never sucked a cock before, Nick found the noises he made cute for some reason.
Nevertheless, it was time to help Troy. Nick grabbed his head and set the rhythm.
"Shit, yeah—Troy, I'm coming..."
Troy made an excited-sounding noise and began to suck Nick faster.
After a few more thrusts, Nick came in Troy's mouth.
Even though Nick's eyes fell shut automatically as he threw his head back during his orgasm, he quickly refocused his gaze on Troy.
He was rewarded with the sight of Troy completely swallowing Nick's semen, then licking his lips.
Holy shit, this guy is freaking him out.
Nick was about to lose the last shred of his self-control.
He grabbed Troy by the arms—who willingly went along with it—and pulled him up onto the bed.
They pressed their lips together until their tongues engaged in a passionate swordfight.
When Nick pulled away, Troy growled in disappointment at the loss of intimacy.
But Nick wasted no time.
He switched positions so that he was sitting on Troy.
"Finally change your mind? You going to fuck me now?"
Nick rolled his eyes.
"Shut up or I won't do it..."
He slowly slid his hands under Troy’s T-shirt, enjoying the goosebumps it raised on Troy’s skin.
With Troy’s help, they took off his T-shirt and threw it in the corner of the room.
Nick slowly stroked Troy's upper body while Troy watched him intently.
He stopped at Troy's nipples, making him flinch as he stroked them.
Then he leaned forward and started licking them.
Nick enjoyed the wonderful sounds Troy made.
"You're pretty sensitive for someone who always acts like a tough guy."
Nick grinned as Troy looked at him in shock and blushed.
"Shut up, Nick!"
He became more nervous under Nick's touch.
"Come on, fuck me already..."
Nick snorted at Troy's desperate plea.
"Calm down, you wild animal. Is someone getting impatient?"
Troy clicked his tongue.
"Come on..."
As much as he wanted Troy to suffer, he felt his erection growing again.
Giving in, he slid his hand over Troy's lower body to his belt buckle.
He opened it with ease, quickly pulling down Troy's pants and underwear and throwing them half-heartedly across the room.
Nick grinned at Troy's erect penis and flicked it, causing Troy to gasp sharply.
"Nick, please, come on..."
"Oh ho...you're begging for it?"
Troy blushed again and hid his face under his right arm.
Nick chuckled as he pulled away from Troy and went to one of his nightstands.
Troy sat up immediately, confused by the loss of Nick.
"Nick, what—"
Nick's laughter interrupted him.
"I'm just getting something, you idiot."
He took a bottle of lubricant from the nightstand, then stood between Troy's legs again and met his confused gaze.
"Lubricant? You know, so it doesn't hurt so much—"
Troy blinked at him.
Considering that this guy is already in his mid-twenties, it's unbelievable how inexperienced he is.
"Don't you guys have porn here?"
Troy raised his eyebrows.
"We didn't even had internet out here- and my father wouldn't tolerate DVDs in his house."
When Nick started laughing uncontrollably, Troy looked slightly offended.
"God, you've missed so much!"
He wiped a tear from his eye theatrically before leaning toward Troy's pouting mouth and kissing him.
"I'll just show you, country boy," he said.
Nick opened the bottle, lubricated his fingers, and ran his hand over Troy's thigh, gently pushing his legs apart.
"You'll see- It won't hurt as much anymore."
He circled Troy's anus once before sliding two fingers straight into at once.
With a grin, he didn't give Troy any time before he started fingering him wildly.
"Shit, Nick—"
Troy exclaimed in shock.
"Is there a problem? I thought you were impatient."
Troy bit his lip to keep from moaning loudly. He couldn't even respond to Nick's snide comment while Nick's fingers were rotating so quickly in his ass.
Nick enjoyed the view and stretched Troy's ass a little more before pulling his fingers out and lubricating his cock.
Meanwhile, Troy tried to catch his breath. He was glad he hadn't come just from Nick's fingers.
Just as he was able to breathe somewhat evenly, his breathing faltered again when Nick thrust his penis into Troy without warning, enjoying his startled sound.
Nick grinned at Troy as he moved back and forth.
"Happy now?"
Troy tried to remain steady under Nick's gaze.
"Not if you keep going so slowly..."
"Oh, the gentleman has demands? All right, for once I’ll obey your command.”
Nick lifted Troy’s leg to get a better angle, thrusting harder and faster into him.
"Oh shit—yes—"
Nick laughed again at Troy’s reaction.
"Do you like that?"
Troy grumbled at Nick's continued laughing.
"Come on, faster..."
Nick grinned as he began to fuck Troy harder.
Troy grabbed Nick's back and pulled him closer. He had to moan so loudly that he was embarrassed, so he bit Nick's shoulder instead.
When Nick found Troy's prostate and kept thrusting against it, Troy's bite became even stronger.
Nick moaned shamelessly in his ear.
A few hard thrusts to his G-spot and a bite to his earlobe brought Troy to orgasm.
He ejaculated hard onto Nick and his own body.
And a few more thrusts and Troy's lustful moans later, Nick came and filled Troy's ass with his cum.
Troy let go of Nick's shoulder and fell back onto the bed.
Nick rested on Troy's body for a moment before sitting up and pulling Troy into a kiss.
When he pulled away, he glared at Troy fiercely.
"Ready for round two?"
Troy let out a whimpering cry.
Once they had both run out of energy, they ended up lying next to each other in Nick's bed.
Nick lit a cigarette while Troy lay on his stomach, saying nothing.
But when Troy smelled the stench of Nick's cigarette, he lifted his head and wrinkled his nose.
"You know those are going to kill you, right?"
Nick looked at him with a grin.
"Sad because you won't be able to do it then?"
Troy snorted and turned on his side to get a better look at Nick.
"Maybe I don't want to kill you anymore."
"Oh?"
Nick snorted.
"So now I'm your chew toy?"
"What can I do if you're so biteable?"
Nick stubbed out his cigarette and threw it on the floor.
"You have a sick way of flirting, you know?"
Troy laughed maniacally as he rolled off the bed.
"And you seem to like it?"
He gathered his clothes and started to get dressed.
"God, definitely not. I detest you.”
Nick moved to reach for his clothes, too.
“I doubt that, Clark!”
Troy threw Nick his shirt and stood in front of him with his hands at his sides.
"I think you love me."
Nick frowned briefly, stared at Troy in confusion, and then snorted loudly.
"What do you know about love anyway?"
Troy chuckled and leaned forward, placing his hands on the bed next to Nick. He stared deeply into Nick's dark brown eyes, who met his gaze after flinching.
"And what's your description for this, then?"
Troy leaned his forehead against Nick's.
Nick could feel Troy's warm breath on his lips.
For some reason, he wanted to kiss him, even though he wasn't even horny anymore.
Nick fought the urge.
This was strictly a sexual relationship.
"Maybe you just want to have sex and have to settle for the only non-straight guy on this ranch..."
Nick gave him a sassy look.
Troy glared back, shrugged, and pulled away from Nick.
"You make me sound pretty needy-"
Troy acted as if he were dramatically hurt.
"But I wouldn't hook up with just anyone, you know..."
This time, Nick shot him a sharp look.
"Oh, so what makes you want to sleep with me? Do you like being looked down on?"
Troy grinned before heading toward the kitchen.
"Nope. Probably because you're just as sick as I am...the sparkle in your eyes, you know?"
Just as sick...
No, Nick had no idea what he was talking about—at least that's what he told himself.
Nick sighed. But why did he miss Troy's touch so quickly? Maybe he was the desperate one.
"Aha! Knew you took it!"
Nick was just putting on his pants when he heard Troy's joyful shout. He looked toward the kitchen in confusion.
"Want some cocoa, Nicky?"
Nick woke up with a terrible pain in his neck.
As he blinked, he vaguely remembered falling asleep on the couch.
He sat up and looked at Troy's sleeping face next to him.
Had they fallen asleep there yesterday after Troy talked his ear off for half the night?
The way Troy lay sleeping on the couch, he looked peaceful.
Troy's sudden gentleness last night had confused Nick greatly.
Maybe—just maybe—if a miracle happened, he could fall truly in love with Troy.
No, stop—where did that thought come from all of a sudden? That's definitely not going to happen.
Nick carefully got up from the couch and went out onto the terrace with his pack of cigarettes.
Troy startled awake when Nick accidentally closed the door too loudly.
He looked around sleepily to get his bearings.
Realizing that he was still at Nick's house, he jumped off the couch.
"Shit, shit, shit..."
Within seconds, he put on his shoes and hurried outside on wobbly legs, not looking back at Nick.
Just as he stumbled out the door, he saw Jake. And, of course, he was coming straight toward him.
Act normal...just act normal.
"What are you doing at Nick's house this early?"
Jake eyed him suspiciously from head to toe.
"Am I not allowed to hang out with my friends?"
Troy grinned at him cheekily and tried to push past to end the conversation.
As expected, Jake held him back by his arm.
"Troy. Leave him alone. Nick is a good boy.”
Troy snorted.
Of course, Jake was expecting the worst from him again. But he wasn't entirely wrong...
"I won't hurt him- Nick isn't that fragile."
With that, Troy pulled his arm out of Jake's grip and headed toward his house.
The situation at the ranch had only worsened since the poison attack.
"If we don't do something, they'll overrun us in seconds..."
Troy was actually nervous. The natives were threatening to take back the ranch by any means necessary, and Jake and Alicia's negotiation attempts were failing one after the other.
"Troy, we can't attack them- we hardly have any resources left!"
"Okay, Nick. What should we do then? Jake is making a fool of himself, and my old man wants to hide in our house and wait for a miracle!"
Troy still doesn't want to stop moving, and Nick is having trouble keeping up with him.
"I know- I have no idea what else we can do either-"
Troy storms into his house.
"Then you can think about it until we leave to finally take them all out."
He's obviously trying to get rid of Nick because he slams the door shut, but Nick quickly slips through the small crack in the door.
“Okay, listen—my mother is trying to convince your father to surrender, and then—”
Troy began to laugh maniacally, causing Nick to swallow the rest of his sentence.
"Jesus, Nick, that old man can't be persuaded! If that’s your only solution, we can just kill ourselves right now!”
Troy was about to go into his room when Nick grabbed his wrist and pulled him back.
Troy barks at him sharply, but Nick is unfazed once again and pushes him against his bedroom door.
“Nick, stop this crap! Either we die because we’re overrun, or we die fighting for our home-”
"But I don't want you to die at all!"
Troy looks at Nick, stunned, then at their hands, before snorting in disbelief.
"Oh, yeah? Why, huh?"
His face contorts with anger again. Nevertheless, his next sentence is steeped in irony.
"Be careful you don't fall in love with me, Clark."
With that, he pushes Nick away roughly.
Nick stumbles backward but catches himself and immediately pushes back toward Troy.
He didn't understand it himself. He didn't believe he was in love with Troy, but he knew he wouldn't let Troy rush to his own death.
Without hesitation, Nick pressed his lips to Troy's. This kiss was unlike any they had shared before. It had nothing to do with lust...No, it was gentle—a silent plea not to do it.
Nick broke away from Troy's lips to look into his confused face.
"I'm not going to let you die such a stupid death."
Notes:
》I finished writing the entire fic yesterday, but I definitely need more time to edit and improve everything. I hope I can count on your patience! ;O;《
Chapter 3: Absurdity
Summary:
Nick never thought he would see Troy in such a state - stunned by fear...he never thought he would ever feel empathy for Troy.
----
"You damned, perverse piece of dirt! As if you hadn't already brought shame upon the family—"
With trembling eyes, Nick's gaze left Troy's huddled form and stared in disbelief at Jeremiah, who was standing directly above Troy, yelling at him.
"Your mother- she was right- you should never have been born!"
Nick was beginning to worry that Troy might already have lost consciousness — he was lying there, showing no sign of resistance... but Nick saw him trembling and tears running down his cheeks.
Notes:
》This was supposed to be just a toxic smut fic, but well, now we're talking about childhood trauma!
So TW for physical and pysical (child) abuse i think.My whole life is being turned upside down right now so it's time to deal with someone else's traumas and repress my own!!! YAAY! 《
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
„Ich werde nicht zulassen, dass du so einen dummen Tod stirbst.“
Mit diesen Worten ließ er Troy allein.
Nick ging auf die Terrasse und zündete sich eine Zigarette an.
Er konnte es selbst nicht glauben, aber es schien ihm wirklich wichtig zu sein, dass Troy in Sicherheit war.
Das kann nicht wahr sein.
Troy ist ein Soziopath, ein Mörder – alles an ihm sollte Nick abstoßen.
Warum kann er ihn nicht einfach hassen?
Worauf hat er sich da schon wieder eingelassen?
"Was machst du hier?"
Nick wurde aus seinen Gedanken gerissen, als er bemerkte, dass Alicia vor ihm die Stufen zur Terrasse hinaufstieg.
„Ich will nur verhindern, dass Troy und die ganze Ranch umkommen, das Übliche.“
Alicia seufzte und nahm Nick die Zigarette aus der Hand, um selbst daran zu ziehen.
„Wir werden alle verrückt. Wenn Jeremiah nicht bald aufgibt, sind wir alle tot …“
Nick schnaubte und nahm seine Zigarette zurück.
„Also geht es Jake nicht besser?“
Alicia zuckte nur mit den Schultern, als beide plötzlich zusammenzuckten.
Ein lautes Geräusch, das scheinbar aus dem Inneren des Hauses kam, erschreckte sie beide.
Es klang, als würde Glas zerbrechen, gefolgt von wildem Geschrei.
Nick und Alicia tauschten einen verwirrten Blick, bevor sie ins Haus eilten, um zu sehen, was passiert war.
Als sie die Tür öffneten, konnten sie nun deutlich die Stimme hinter dem Geschrei hören.
Jeremia.
Als sie um die Ecke des Flurs bogen, fanden sie Troy an derselben Stelle, an der Nick ihn zurückgelassen hatte, nur dass er jetzt zusammengerollt auf dem Boden lag.
Seine Knie waren an die Brust gezogen. Mit einer Hand versuchte er, sein Gesicht zu bedecken, während er mit der anderen seinen Kopf hielt, aus dem sehr viel Blut floss.
„Du verdammtes, perverses Stück Dreck! Als ob du nicht schon Schande über die Familie gebracht hättest –“
Mit zitternden Augen wandte Nick seinen Blick von Troys zusammengekauerter Gestalt ab und starrte ungläubig auf Jeremiah, der direkt über Troy stand und ihn anschrie.
Jeremiah hielt sich mit einer Hand an der Wand fest, um das Gleichgewicht zu halten, und trat heftig nach Troy, der auf dem Boden lag.
„Deine Mutter – sie hatte recht – du hättest nie geboren werden dürfen!“
Als Nick Troys Schmerzensschreie hörte, erwachte er aus seinem Schock und stürmte auf Jeremiah zu.
„Jeremiah, was zur Hölle – Hör auf! Du wirst ihn umbringen!“
Er versuchte, Jeremiah von seinem Sohn wegzuziehen.
Doch Jeremiah ließ sich nicht so leicht stoppen. Trotz des starken Alkoholgeruchs blieb er standhaft.
Er schlug wild um sich.
„Du – du halt dich da raus, Junge! Lass dich von diesem – diesem teuflischen Freak nicht verderben!“
Nick wurde weggestoßen und landete schwer auf dem Rücken.
"PAPA!"
Jake kam mit Alicia die Treppe heruntergerannt.
Offenbar hatte Alicia schnell reagiert und ihn zur Hilfe geholt.
Jeremiah trat weiterhin heftig gegen Troys wehrlosen Körper.
Nick begann sich Sorgen zu machen, dass Troy vielleicht bereits das Bewusstsein verloren hatte – er lag da und zeigte keinerlei Anzeichen von Widerstand … aber Nick sah, wie er zitterte und Tränen über seine Wangen liefen.
Jake näherte sich Jeremiah langsam und vorsichtig.
„Papa, bitte hör auf – das reicht –“
Er legte seine Hand auf die Schulter seines Vaters.
"Bitte..."
Jakes Worte schienen Jeremiah endlich zu erreichen, der langsam zurückwich.
Er spuckte Troy an, bevor er sich von Jake unsicher in sein Büro führen ließ.
Nick fiel sofort vor Troy auf die Knie.
Er hob vorsichtig den Kopf.
In einer großen Schnittwunde an Troys Kopf steckten mehrere Glassplitter.
„Scheiße – Troy, kannst du mich hören?“
Troy zeigte keine Reaktion. Nick konnte sehen, dass er seine Hände fest auf die Ohren presste und seine Augen geschlossen waren.
„Nick, lass ihn los!
Jake stürmte aus dem Büro, schloss vorsichtig die Tür und ging schnell auf Nick und seinen Bruder zu.
„Fass ihn nicht an – das macht es nur noch schlimmer …“
"Was?"
„Er dissoziiert. Ihn zu berühren macht es schlimmer – leg ihn einfach hin …“
Nick sah ihn verwirrt und verzweifelt an.
„Wir können nur warten, bis er wieder hier ist …“
Zögernd legte Nick Troys Kopf wieder auf den Boden, auf ein Kissen, das Alicia ihm gereicht hatte.
„Jake, wir müssen ihn behandeln – die Kopfwunde …“
Alicia konnte Troy kaum aus den Augen lassen. Obwohl sie ihn von ganzem Herzen hasste, war die Szene einfach zu schrecklich.
„Wir müssen warten… glauben Sie mir, sonst dauert es noch länger, bis er sich erholt…“
„Wie lange – bis er aufwacht?“
Jake wandte seinen Blick schließlich von Troy ab und wandte ihn Nick zu.
„Ich weiß nicht – Minuten … manchmal Stunden …“
„Und wir sollen einfach abwarten und sehen?“
Jakes Augen wurden glasig.
„Ich weiß, es ist schwierig – ich weiß – aber es gibt keinen anderen Weg …“
Jake rutschte die Wand hinunter und setzte sich neben seinen jüngeren Bruder. Seine Schultern sackten herab und er vergrub sein Gesicht in seinen Händen.
Alicia setzte sich neben ihn, nahm eine seiner Hände und drückte sie tröstend.
„Kommt das oft vor?“
Jake seufzte schwer.
„Die meiste Zeit, wenn unser Vater gewalttätig wird … gab es Zeiten, in denen er diesen Zustand kaum verließ – besonders nachdem er im Keller war …“
Nick saß immer noch direkt vor Troy und starrte auf ihn herab.
Er hatte bereits von Jeremiah gehört, dass Troy eine schwierige Kindheit gehabt haben musste … aber was würde dazu führen, dass ein Mensch in einen solchen Zustand gerät?
Und er hätte nie gedacht, dass es immer noch so sein würde. Natürlich sind Kinder vor Angst wie gelähmt … aber Troy ist ein erwachsener Mann.
Warum verteidigte er sich nicht? Troy hätte Jeremiah leicht überwältigen können … Nick wusste, wie es sich anfühlte, von seinen Eltern geschlagen zu werden und wie verletzlich und wehrlos man sich dabei fühlte, aber Troy schien niemand zu sein, der Probleme damit hätte, sich zu wehren.
Schließlich war er ein skrupelloser Mörder, der bereits viel zu viele unschuldige Menschen getötet hatte, und dennoch lag er hier zusammengekauert und weinend auf dem Boden.
„Warum hat er nicht zurückgeschlagen?“
Jake sah vom Boden zu Nick auf. Seine Stirn legte sich in tiefe Falten.
„So einfach ist das nicht, Nick – Troy würde es nie wagen, sich zu wehren. Es würde alles nur noch schlimmer für ihn machen. Er ist unterdrückt aufgewachsen – es ist nicht so einfach, sich davon zu befreien –“
Sofort sah Nick den jungen Troy vor seinen Augen und er fühlte etwas, von dem er nie gedacht hätte, dass er es für Troy empfinden könnte ... Empathie.
Nicks Augen blieben auf Troys Kopfwunde gerichtet.
„Und wo warst du die ganze Zeit, als Troy-“
„NICK! Das reicht, okay? Jetzt zu streiten hilft Troy kein bisschen! Haltet beide einfach den Mund – wir warten.“
Nick schnalzte mit der Zunge und rutschte an der Wand herunter, um bequemer zu sitzen.
Das Warten würde sich wie eine Ewigkeit anfühlen.
Eine halbe Stunde, fast eine ganze Stunde war vergangen, bevor Troy anfing zu zucken und sich zu bewegen.
Jake eilte zu ihm und half ihm, sich langsam aufzusetzen.
„Es ist alles gut, kleiner Bruder – es ist jetzt alles gut … beruhige dich.“
Troy lehnt sich an Jake, zuckt jedoch sofort zusammen und krümmt sich.
Als er Blut hustet, ist deutlich zu erkennen, dass er große Schmerzen hat.
„Wir bringen dich jetzt in die Krankenstation. Nick, hilf mir, ihn zu beruhigen.“
Nick zögerte keine Sekunde und eilte zu Troys anderer Seite, um ihm auf die Beine zu helfen.
Troy starrte Nick einen Moment lang geschockt an – als würde er gleich wieder in Tränen ausbrechen –, bevor er den Blick abwandte.
Zögernd lehnte er sich an Nick und ließ sich in die Krankenstation führen.
Auf dem Weg dorthin und während der Behandlung schaute er kein einziges Mal in Nicks Richtung.
Stattdessen erhielt Nick immer wieder seltsame, angespannte Blicke von Jake.
Nachdem er Troys Kopfwunde versorgt und einen Verband angelegt hatte, betastete Jake seinen Körper. Als er seine Rippen erreichte, stieß Troy ein schmerzerfülltes Zischen aus.
„Oh verdammt…“
Jake öffnete vorsichtig Troys Militäruniformjacke und schob langsam sein T-Shirt hoch.
Troys Rippen waren deutlich gequetscht und geschwollen.
Als Nick den schockierten Gesichtsausdruck von Jake sah, stand er auf und blickte über seine Schulter.
„Scheiße – sind die kaputt?“
„Ich fürchte ja …“
Jake ließ Troys Kleidung los und half ihm, sich aufzusetzen.
Es sah unglaublich schmerzhaft aus.
„Du musst sitzen bleiben, Troy … so kannst du besser atmen.“
Jake wandte sich ab, um ein paar kalte, feuchte Tücher bereitzulegen.
Nick starrte Troy weiterhin besorgt an. Troy hingegen sah überall im Raum hin, nur nicht zu Nick.
„Troy, ich wollte nicht …“
Nick wusste, dass es seine Schuld sein musste. Er vermutete, dass Jeremiah ihren Kuss irgendwie mitbekommen und schlecht darauf reagiert hatte.
Aber Troy ließ ihn seinen Satz nicht beenden.
„Halt die Klappe, Nick –“
„Aber ich –“
„Geh einfach weg!“
Troy begann heftig zu husten und krümmte sich bei der plötzlichen Bewegung.
„Scheiße, mach langsam –“
Nick versuchte, Troy eine Hand auf die Schulter zu legen, aber dieser schlug sie sofort weg.
„Ich meine es ernst, Nick – ich will dich jetzt einfach verdammt noch mal nicht sehen!“
Er konnte nicht zulassen, dass Nick ihn mit solchem Mitleid ansah, sah, wie schwach er wirklich war, sah, wie er von seinem gebrechlichen alten Vater verprügelt wurde und wie ein Kind weinte … Er würde lieber sterben, als Nick diese Seite von sich sehen zu lassen.
Nick sah ihm mit diesem verdammt mitleidigen Blick tief in die Augen, seufzte und ging zögernd aus dem Zelt.
Troy blieb mit Jake allein zurück, der ihn nur ungläubig ansah, aber kein Wort sagte, während er kalte Kompressen auf die Schwellung legte.
Nick hatte kein Zeitgefühl mehr. Er stand etwas abseits vom Zelt. Er hatte sich gerade seine dritte Zigarette angezündet, als Jake auf ihn zukam.
„Wie geht es ihm?“
Nick drückte seine Zigarette aus und wandte seine Aufmerksamkeit Jake zu, der jetzt auf einem Plastikstuhl neben ihm saß.
„Seine Wunden wurden alle behandelt und er versucht jetzt zu schlafen … es wird ihm gut gehen, kein Grund zur Sorge.“
Nick nickte leicht, bevor er sich auf den zweiten Plastikstuhl neben Jake setzte.
„Was hat Jeremiah gesagt, als Sie ihn in sein Büro gebracht haben?“
Jake runzelte leicht die Stirn und blickte auf seine gefalteten Hände hinunter.
„Er hat seine Worte oft verwaschen, aber er meinte damit etwas …“‘
Jake atmete erneut scharf ein.
„Dass er euch beide beim Küssen gesehen hat?
Vorsichtig sah Jake zu Nick hinüber, um seine Reaktion zu sehen.
Nick fuhr sich geistesabwesend mit den Fingern durchs Haar.
„Hast du…?“
Jake bat deutlicher um eine Antwort.
Nick zögerte zunächst. Das war die denkbar schlechteste Möglichkeit für Jake, es herauszufinden … Troy hätte das Recht haben sollen, selbst zu entscheiden, wem er es wann erzählte.
Aber es hätte keinen Sinn, es jetzt zu leugnen.
Also nickte er nur.
Jake seufzte.
„Das dachte ich mir … Ok, hör zu – ich habe nichts dagegen – ich bin ein bisschen überrascht, dass Troy überhaupt an so etwas interessiert ist … aber einige Leute hier werden etwas dagegen haben.“
„Ja, ja – das ist mir auch aufgefallen. Ich weiß nicht, wie ich so nachlässig werden konnte …“
Diesmal nickte Jake nur, bevor er wieder auf seine Hände blickte.
„Nur Nick … leg dich nicht mit ihm an, ok?“
Diesmal sah Nick Jake verwirrt an.
„Ich weiß, er ist ein Arschloch – ein riesiges Arschloch – aber tief im Inneren, hinter all den Mauern, die er seit seiner Kindheit aufgebaut hat, steckt immer noch dieser kleine Junge, der einfach nur geliebt werden will …“
Jake erwiderte nun Nicks Blick. Seine Augen waren voller Traurigkeit.
„Verarsch ihn nicht, ok?“
Dies löste bei Nick eine Flut von Fragen aus. Hatte er vorgehabt, Troy zu täuschen? Sie hatten einfach nur Sex – gegenseitige Neugier und Lust hatten sie zusammengebracht. Sie spielten miteinander – aber es waren keine Gefühle im Spiel.
„Pass auf, dass du dich nicht in mich verliebst, Clark.“
Das war Unsinn – Nick würde sich niemals in Troy Otto verlieben können.
Und doch – als er zusammengerollt auf dem Boden lag … fühlte er beinahe Schmerzen, als würde er mit Troy leiden.
„Passiert das oft? Dass Jeremiah so ausrastet …“
Jake sah wieder zu Nick auf, aus seinen eigenen Gedanken gerissen.
„So gewalttätig war es schon lange nicht mehr … als Papa nüchtern war, war es besser – aber wenn er betrunken ist …“
Jake atmete zitternd aus.
„Das letzte Mal, als er Troys Knochen gebrochen hat, war, als Troy versuchte, seine Mutter vor ihm zu beschützen …“
Nick sah, wie Jake Tränen in die Augen stiegen. Es muss schrecklich sein, mit diesen Erinnerungen konfrontiert zu werden.
„Hey, es tut mir leid, was ich vorhin gesagt habe –“
„Kein Nick …“
Jake atmete zitternd aus.
„Das war nur fair – es ist die Wahrheit. Ich habe all die Jahre alles miterlebt, aber ich habe nichts getan, um unsere Eltern aufzuhalten. Ich habe mir immer gesagt, dass ich ihm helfe, indem ich seine Wunden versorge oder Papa überrede … aber – ich habe meinen kleinen Bruder nicht beschützt.“
Er hielt die Hände vor sein Gesicht, aber Nick konnte immer noch das leise Schlurfen hören.
Nick legte Jake tröstend eine Hand auf den Rücken.
Es gab nichts, was Nick jemals sagen konnte, um Jakes Schuldgefühle zu lindern, aber ein Satz lag ihm auf der Zunge.
„ Du warst auch noch ein Kind, Jake …“
„Aber ich war der Ältere! Ich hätte es sein sollen –“
„Jake, das ist Schwachsinn – keiner von euch hat das verdient – meinst du, Troy würde sich dann besser fühlen?“
Jake blickte überrascht von seinen Händen auf und sah Nick an. Er sah aus, als hätte er noch nie so darüber nachgedacht. All die Jahre hatte er sich gewünscht, an Troys Stelle zu sein … aber was, wenn Nick recht hatte – was, wenn keiner von ihnen das verdient hatte?
„Nick, was soll das alles?“
Nick wollte gerade in Troys Zimmer gehen und einige seiner Sachen in einen Rucksack packen.
Madison war ihm gefolgt und wollte Antworten von ihm, die er selbst nicht kannte.
„Für Troy ist es hier einfach nicht sicher – ich will einfach nur …“
Er verstummte, weil er selbst nicht wusste, was er wirklich wollte.
Madison seufzte schwer und lehnte sich gegen Troys Schreibtisch.
„Warum sorgst du dich plötzlich um Troys Wohlergehen? Was ist aus ‚Halte deine Feinde nah bei dir‘ geworden? Erzähl mir nicht, dass du tatsächlich mit ihm befreundet bist …“
Nick schnaubte leicht, als er vom Schrank zum Schreibtisch ging, um zu sehen, ob Troy noch etwas brauchte.
Wenn sie nur wüsste.
„Was willst du hören … wir stehen kurz vor einem Krieg … es wäre dumm von uns, jetzt gegeneinander zu kämpfen.“
Nicht Nicks beste Ausrede, aber vielleicht würde seine Mutter sie schlucken. Vielleicht ist es genau das, was sie braucht, um sich zu beruhigen.
Nick nahm das ledergebundene Notizbuch aus der ersten Schublade und blätterte gedankenlos darin. Troy hatte die Seiten, die Nick herausgerissen hatte, tatsächlich wieder zusammengenäht.
Hinter den „wissenschaftlichen“ Notizen entdeckte Nick jedoch etwas, das seine Aufmerksamkeit erregte: Die Schrift dahinter sah fast wie Tagebucheinträge aus.
Vielleicht würde Nick das Notizbuch bei sich behalten, um es selbst zu lesen.
„Ich glaube immer noch nicht, dass das eine gute Idee ist, Troy. Er ist –“
„Gefährlich, anstrengend, unerträglich… ich weiß es jedenfalls.“
Fühlte er sich schuldig? War es seine Schuld, dass er so zusammengeschlagen wurde?
„Trotzdem bleibt er vorerst bei mir. Ich werde damit klarkommen, Mama.“
Er drehte sich zur Tür um, um zu gehen.
„Ich mache mir Sorgen, Nick … ist das deine neue Sucht?“
Nick schnaubte.
Sucht... vielleicht trifft das etwas zu gut.
„Was willst du damit erreichen? Was bringt dich dazu, an ihm festzuhalten?“
Was wusste sie schon? Für Madison war Troy immer jemand, den sie leicht zu ihrem eigenen Vorteil manipulieren konnte. Das passte nie zu Nicks moralischem Verständnis, aber Troys Gefühle waren ihm egal. Doch jetzt begann Nick, Troy wirklich helfen zu wollen.
„Das soll meine Sorge sein, Mama.“
Er verließ das Zimmer und das Otto-Haus, ohne etwas anderes zu sagen.
Troy war nicht besonders begeistert von der Idee, bei Nick einzuziehen, aber die Vorstellung, seinem Vater gegenüberzutreten, schreckte ihn noch mehr ab.
Also gelang es Jake, ihn zu überzeugen.
Widerwillig kam Troy in Nicks Haus geschleppt.
Nick stand unbeholfen vor der Tür.
„Äh … willkommen –“
Als Antwort auf seinen Versuch einer herzlichen Begrüßung warf Troy ihm nur einen unbeeindruckten Blick zu, bevor er sich auf Nicks Sofa setzte.
„Möchtest du – äh – etwas trinken oder so?“
Troy starrte ihn nur an und zuckte mit den Schultern.
Nick seufzte und fuhr sich mit den Fingern durchs Haar.
Was hatte er in den nächsten Tagen mit Troy vor?
Er seufzte laut.
„Soll ich dich in Ruhe lassen?“
Überraschenderweise schüttelte Troy leicht den Kopf.
Nick bekam es langsam mit der Angst zu tun, weil Troy so still war.
Trotzdem setzte sich Nick neben Troy auf das Sofa. Schließlich bezweifelte er, dass Troy ihn in seinem derzeitigen Zustand totschlagen könnte.
Nick starrte geistesabwesend an die Decke, als Troy plötzlich anfing zu reden.
„Ich, äh … ich wollte dich vorhin nicht so anfahren …“
Nick drehte seinen Kopf zu Troy und sah ihm direkt in seine tiefblauen Hundeaugen.
Wollte Troy sich ernsthaft dafür entschuldigen, ihn angeschrien zu haben?
„Kumpel, kein Problem –“
Troy nickte und sah erleichtert aus.
Das ließ Nicks Lippen zu einem schiefen Lächeln verziehen.
Der Typ steckte voller Überraschungen.
Die düstere Stimmung schien zu verfliegen, also stand Nick auf, schnappte sich eine Decke, ein Kissen und ein paar bequeme Klamotten und warf sie zu Troy auf die Couch.
„Schlaf jetzt ein bisschen – du brauchst Ruhe.“
„Nick, ähm …“
„Hä?“
Nick drehte sich um. Troy wich seinem Blick aus und sah fast beschämt aus.
Er spielte unbeholfen mit dem T-Shirt, das Nick ihm gegeben hatte.
Oh, er hatte immer noch die Verletzung.
„Brauchen Sie Hilfe beim Umziehen?“
Troy sah ihn nur mit großen Augen an, was Nick als ‚Ja‘ interpretierte. Also setzte er sich wieder neben Troy auf die Couch und half ihm schweigend, sein Hemd auszuziehen. Nick verstand nicht, warum Troy sich so unwohl fühlte – schließlich hatte er Troys Körper schon in all seiner Pracht gesehen. Aber er verkniff sich dumme Witze.
Das einzig Gute – wenn man es so nennen kann – an Troys Zustand war, dass er keine impulsiven Entscheidungen mehr treffen konnte.
Dennoch wurde die Lage im Krieg gegen die Ureinwohner immer angespannter.
Egal, wie sehr sie versuchten zu verhandeln, Walker verlangte die Ranch.
Aber Madison weigerte sich aufzugeben.
Sie erzählte ihren Kindern eine Geschichte aus ihrer Kindheit, um ihnen klarzumachen, was sie für ihre Familie tun würde.
Nick war nicht sehr überrascht – natürlich schockiert –, als seine Mutter ihm erzählte, was sie als Kind getan hatte. Er hatte sich bereits gedacht, dass es einen Grund geben musste, warum Madison manchmal so rücksichtslos sein konnte.
Was Nick jedoch nicht verstand, war, wie seine Mutter Troy gegenüber so wenig Empathie zeigen konnte, obwohl sie selbst Ähnliches erlebt hatte. War es vielleicht zu ähnlich?
Madison war entschlossen, Jeremiah zum Aufgeben zu bewegen, und Nick hatte Angst, dass sie vor nichts zurückschrecken würde, um Erfolg zu haben.
Also folgte Nick ihr.
Er wollte nicht, dass sie es tun musste … nicht nach allem, was sie seinetwegen durchmachen musste, also tat er es für sie.
Er konnte sich nur verschwommen an die Ereignisse erinnern ... was Jeremiah über seine Mutter gesagt hatte – über ihn … über Troy.
Es war alles vorbei. Nur der Knall der Waffe hing noch in seinen Ohren. Er konnte immer noch das Geräusch hören, das die Waffe machte, als er den Abzug drückte.
„Nicky?“
Troy trat aus den Schatten des dunklen Raumes und ging auf Nick zu, der immer noch an der offenen Haustür stand.
Nick wusste nicht warum, aber sein erster Gedanke, nachdem die Kugel Big Ottos Kopf durchbohrt hatte, war, Troy zu sehen.
Er hatte seinen Vater getötet. Jeremiah war keineswegs ein guter Vater – ganz im Gegenteil –, aber er war immer noch Troys Vater. Aus irgendeinem Grund, den Nick nicht verstand, verehrte er ihn nach all dem immer noch.
Gedankenverloren rührte Nick sich nicht und starrte nur auf die Türschwelle. Also kam Troy näher und legte Nick die Hände auf die Schultern, um seine Aufmerksamkeit zu erregen.
„Was zum Teufel ist passiert? Du siehst beschissen aus …“
„Ich habe ihn erschossen – ich habe ihn getötet … deinen Vater …“
Gott, er hat es wirklich so gesagt. Direkt und schnell. Keine großen Worte, Entschuldigungen oder Rechtfertigungen – nur die reine Wahrheit. Troy wusste, dass er nicht scherzte – Gott, er wünschte, er hätte es getan.
Seine Hände fielen von Nicks Schultern.
Nick schloss die Augen. Er war auf alles gefasst – darauf, dass Troy ihn totprügeln würde, dass Troy ihn im Gegenzug erschießen würde – doch Troy rührte sich nicht.
Also öffnete er langsam die Augen und blickte vorsichtig zu Troy auf, der immer noch wie angewurzelt vor ihm stand.
Tränen liefen über seine Wangen – unzählige Tränen.
Troy weinte. Er weinte um seinen Vater …
Seit Jeremiah Troys Rippen gebrochen hatte, hatte Nick versucht, sich vorzustellen, wie Troy auf den Tod seines Vaters reagieren würde, aber er hätte nie gedacht, dass es so sein würde.
Ohne darüber nachzudenken, wie absurd das war, schlang Nick seine Arme um Troy – einen um seinen Rücken und einen um seinen Kopf – und umarmte ihn fest.
Im Raum war es so still, dass das Geräusch von Troys schlurfenden Schritten Nick in den Ohren schmerzte.
Wie könnte er das jemals wiedergutmachen?
Sie standen eine Weile da und hielten sich fest, bis Nick es schließlich schaffte, sie beide ins Bett zu bringen.
Wenn ihm letzte Woche jemand gesagt hätte, dass er bald mit einem weinenden Troy in den Armen im Bett liegen würde, der ihm tröstend übers Haar streicheln würde, hätte er wahrscheinlich laut gelacht.
Und doch sind sie jetzt hier.
Als Nick mit zwei Tellern Frühstück die Hütte betrat, sah er, wie Troy aufwachte.
Er sah immer noch unglücklich aus und sein Haar war über seinen ganzen Kopf verstreut.
"Wie spät ist es?"
Nick stellte die Teller auf den kleinen Klapptisch und eilte zu Troy, um ihm vorsichtig beim Aufsetzen zu helfen. Troy hatte große Schmerzen, aber die gebrochenen Rippen ließen ihn vor Schmerz zischen.
„Es ist früh, keine Sorge.“
Troy nickte etwas schläfrig.
„Ich mache uns einen Kaffee.“
Während Nick Kaffeepulver in zwei Tassen schüttete, hörte er den Boden hinter sich knarren.
Troy blieb direkt hinter ihm stehen.
Er spürte, wie Troys Hände langsam auf seine Hüften glitten, dann spürte er seinen heißen Atem und seine trockenen Lippen in seinem Nacken.
„Troja …“
„Bitte, Nicky …“
Seine Hände glitten langsam, aber zielstrebig in Richtung Nicks Schritt.
„Ich will mich nicht mehr beschissen fühlen …“
„Troy, du bist im Moment nicht in der besten Verfassung dafür …“
Nick versuchte, Troys Hände aufzuhalten, aber Troy ließ sich nicht stoppen und packte Nicks Schritt. Er legte sein Kinn auf Nicks Schulter und flüsterte:
„Du schuldest mir …“
Schuldig. Schon wieder.
„Okay, hör zu –“
Nick drehte sich zu ihm um und nahm endlich Troys Hände aus seinem Schritt.
„Wenn du glaubst, dass es dir besser geht, blase ich dir einen –“
Eine normale Geste zwischen normalen Freunden.
„Aber ich werde dich nicht ficken, denn falls du es vergessen hast, du hast immer noch zwei gebrochene Rippen …“
Troy starrte Nick an, aber sein Blick war so leer, dass Nick kurz bezweifelte, dass er überhaupt anwesend war.
"Okay, okay ... dann lutsch meinen Schwanz."
Und so saßen sie wieder da, wie vor zwei Nächten, nur dass diesmal die Rollen vertauscht waren.
Troy saß mit heruntergelassener Hose auf Nicks Bett und Nick hockte sich langsam vor ihm zwischen seine Beine.
„Wenn es weh tut, höre ich auf –“
„Halt die Klappe, Nick – als ob mir Schmerzen etwas ausmachen würden.“
Und er hatte recht: Der Schmerz machte ihn wahrscheinlich noch mehr an.
„Also los – fang an, Tiger.“
Nick verdrehte die Augen, bevor er nicht sehr sanft Troys Schwanz packte.
„Ist dein Kampfgeist endlich geweckt – ah –“
Troy war sprachlos, als er Nicks heißen Mund um seinen Schwanz spürte.
Für Nick war das definitiv das Beste am Sex mit Troy – Troy endlich zum Schweigen zu bringen.
Troy warf seinen Kopf zurück, während Nick fortfuhr, sein Glied in sich aufzunehmen, ohne seinen Würgereflex auszulösen.
Nick bewegte seinen Kopf in einem schnellen, aber gleichmäßigen Rhythmus auf und ab, wodurch Troy seine Hand in Nicks Haar vergrub.
Sein Griff wurde nur fester, als Nick seine Hand, die auf Troys Oberschenkel lag, zu seinem Oberschenkel bewegte, um ihn zu massieren.
„Scheiße, Nick – ich bin fast fertig –“
Um Troy schließlich zum Höhepunkt zu bringen, zog Nick seinen Mund fast vollständig von seinem Penis zurück und verschluckte Troy dann wieder ganz.
Troy kam mit einer Welle aufgeregten Zitterns und ließ sich auf das Bett fallen.
Er zischte, als er seine gebrochenen Rippen erneut spürte.
„Danke Nicky, du bist der Beste“
Nick schnaubte nur und schüttelte den Kopf, als er mit einem Teller voller Frühstück neben Troy aufs Bett kroch.
„Können wir endlich frühstücken?“
Gerade als sie mit dem Essen fertig waren, klopfte es an der Tür.
Nick sprang auf.
„Hey, Nick, ich muss mit Troy reden – weißt du.“
Nick nickte und ließ sich von Jake ins Haus begleiten.
Er schnappte sich seine Zigarettenpackung und ging auf den Balkon, um den Brüdern etwas Privatsphäre zu geben.
Jake wollte seinem kleinen Bruder die Neuigkeiten erzählen, Nick hatte sie bereits von Alicia und seiner Mutter gehört, als er das Frühstück holte.
Madison hatte es geschafft, nach Jeremiahs Tod einen vorläufigen Frieden zu schließen, der jedoch mit dem Umzug der Eingeborenen auf die Ranch verbunden war.
Drinnen wurde es laut; Nick konnte nicht hören, was sie sagten, aber Troy war, wie erwartet, verärgert.
Erst als er das Zersplittern von Geschirr hörte, warf er einen Blick durch die Tür.
Jake stand neben dem Bett, die Hand an der Stirn, und atmete tief durch, um sich zu beruhigen.
Währenddessen saß Troy auf dem Boden und sammelte zerbrochenes Porzellan auf.
„Troy, komm schon! Das ist der einzige Weg – das ist der einzige Weg, damit niemand mehr sterben muss!“
Troy schnaubte nur ungläubig und schüttelte den Kopf.
Nick kam mit Besen und Schaufel herüber, kniete nieder und begann, Troy beim Aufräumen des Chaos zu helfen.
„Komm schon! Das ist es, was Dad für die Ranch wollte – für uns! Dafür hat er sein Leben geopfert …“
Daraufhin grinste Troy Nick mit seinem schrecklichsten Grinsen an, der mit einem traurigen, schuldbewussten Blick reagierte.
„Natürlich wollte Papa, dass wir mit diesen Verrückten zusammenleben!“
Troy stand abrupt auf, zuckte vor Schmerz in seinen Rippen zusammen und ging auf Jake zu.
„Haben Sie vergessen, was sie getan haben? Wie viele von uns sind durch ihren Giftangriff gestorben?“
Er stand direkt vor Jake und drang in seine Privatsphäre ein.
„Hast du vergeben und vergessen, oder was zum Teufel machst du da?
Als Jake nicht reagierte, schubste Troy ihn, woraufhin er ein paar Schritte rückwärts in Richtung Wand ging.
„Sag es mir, Bruder!“
„Troja …“
„Halt dich da raus, Nick!“
Nick seufzte schwer und fuhr sich mit der Hand durchs Haar.
„Vater ist für diesen Ort gestorben, Troy … wir müssen tun, was wir können, um zu überleben.“
„Das nennst du Überleben? Lass uns unterdrücken?“
Troy schubste ihn stärker.
„Wir leben hier zusammen. Niemand wird unterdrückt.“
Hörst du dir eigentlich selbst zu? Das ist Schwachsinn! Schwachsinn!"
„Warum bist du so stur, Troy? Wenn du den Ort wirklich beschützen willst –“
Troys Schlag in Jakes Gesicht unterbrach seinen Satz.
„Troja!“
Nick eilte zu Troy und packte ihn am Arm.
„Genug! Wir müssen die Situation so akzeptieren, wie sie jetzt ist!“
Troy löste seinen Arm aus Nicks Griff und drehte sich weg.
Er fuhr sich mit der Hand über das Gesicht und atmete zitternd aus.
„Ich denke, es wäre besser, wenn Sie jetzt gehen würden … geben Sie ihm einen Moment, um sich zu beruhigen.“
Jake nickte schwach, bevor er sich nach vorne beugte und Nick leise anflehte, dafür zu sorgen, dass Troy nichts Dummes tat.
Als Jake aus der Haustür verschwand, ging Nick langsam auf Troy zu.
„Troja …“
Troy wandte sich weiter von ihm ab.
„Hey, komm schon …“
Nick legte zögernd seine Hand auf Troys Rücken.
„Das ist Schwachsinn, Nicky … Ich will nicht, dass sie hierher kommen – Dad hätte das nicht gewollt …“
Troys Stimme brach mitten im Satz mehrmals ab, und Nick spürte, wie er leicht zitterte. Doch Troy stieß ihn nicht weg, also legte Nick ihm die Arme um die Hüften und umarmte ihn von hinten.
„Ich weiß, aber dein Vater wollte uns alle sterben lassen … Jake versucht nur, uns zu retten – dich. Gib ihm wenigstens eine Chance.“
Troy atmete zitternd aus, bevor er sich abrupt umdrehte, sich über Nick beugte und sich mit ihm auf sein Bett warf. Er begann, Nick wild und verzweifelt zu küssen.
Dieser Kuss fühlte sich falsch an. Erzwungen – hoffnungslos. Nick stieß Troy sanft von sich.
„Nicky …“
Nick sah ihn wieder mit diesem mitleidigen Blick an. Diese wunderschönen braunen Augen waren voller Trauer...
Nasse Tränen fielen auf Nicks Gesicht.
Nick streckte die Hand aus, nahm Troys Gesicht und umarmte ihn fest.
„Es tut mir alles so leid …“
Troy verlor sich in der Wärme, die von Nick ausging ... vielleicht war es nicht der Sex mit Nick, der ihn so besessen machte, vielleicht war es nur Nick ... dieses Gefühl der Wärme ... dieser Trost.
Notes:
》Jake reminds me a lot of the main character of Life is Strange 3. I interpret him as seeing it as his job to keep the family together and at the same time feeling guilty for never really having protected Troy. I think Jake's trauma is very overlooked - I mean, he's not the one who was abused, but he had to see his little brother being abused - having to witness something like that as a child is not to be underestimated. So more love for Jake please《
Chapter 4: It doesn't fucking matter
Summary:
Nick was just starting to feel relieved that they had managed to stop Troy's men from starting a riot when the tense situation escalated completely.
Difficult situation requires creative solutions...But besides all this, Nick got a much bigger problem.
----
"He won't like that—he really won't."
"I know, but there's no other way, Nick. Let me talk to him. I'll convince him..."
"No, no, no, Mom—no way! I'll talk to him—I'm the one he's most likely to listen to."
Nick put on a weak smile to reassure her, even though he wasn't the least bit calm himself.
With Troy Otto, you could never be sure how he would react to anything. He could shoot Nick on the spot and then kill everyone else on the ranch. Still, Nick hoped that his current ‘closeness’ to Troy would give him a better chance."Give me until tonight, and you can have the guns."
Notes:
》I am sorry that I have let you go hungry for so long. I'm currently writing the 4th version of the last chapter - and I'm still not completely happy. 《
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Living with the natives went better than expected.
Troy was confined to bed most of the time and otherwise behaved quite tamely, at least when Nick was with him.
Some of the Militz men couldn't quite shake their hostility over the poison attack. However, when they held a top-secret meeting in Nick's— and now kind of Troy's— house, Troy ordered them not to take action unless the natives acted aggressively.
They agreed to be vigilant and ready to fight back if the natives attacked or provoked them. That was the best they could do.
Nick fell onto the bed when it was finally just the two of them again.
Neither of them had any plans to disband their temporary living arrangement, even after Madison moved into the main house since Jeremiah's death. Although they had a lot more space there, and it was much more comfortable, they were quietly agreeing to stay among themselves.
Even though this spread rumors that they were a couple- which all of Troy's men immediately denied- Nick prefers to keep a close eye on Troy.
Troy doesn't seem to mind either. His boredom from not being able to be on his feet for long led him to take care of most of the housework and help Nick with small building jobs around the house.
"Jeez, Troy, thanks. Only you can calm this angry mob down."
Troy snorted.
“I understand why they feel that way...“
"Maybe it's exactly that- maybe they need someone who understands them, who can relate to their anger”
"You're waxing lyrical again, poet."
Nick threw a pillow at Troy's laughing face before getting up and walking into the bathroom.
“Shut up and come here. Let’s change the cold pack.”
Nick soaked a washcloth in cold water. Even though Troy's rib fractures had healed well, he was still in pain sometimes when he moved.
Troy dawdled into the bathroom after him and slung his arms around Nick from behind.
He planted little kisses on Nick's neck before resting his head on his shoulder.
Ever since Nick had comforted Troy after his breakdown, their behavior had changed dramatically. They were much softer and showed affection through small gestures. But it still wasn't love, was it?
They just needed someone to comfort them during hard times.
It was more like...mutual pacification than real affection.
Nick turned them both around, so Troy leaned his back against the sink.
He pushed Troy's T-shirt up to reveal the old bandage.
"Hold it tight."
Instead of holding his T-shirt up with his hands- like a normal human being- he took it between his teeth and winked at Nick.
"Freak."
Nick snorted as he searched for the end of the bandage, carefully opening it.
He removed the old washcloth and placed the cold, new one underneath the bandage. When he was finished, Troy dropped his hold on his T-shirt and leaned forward to hug Nick.
"I did good today, didn't I?"
Troy sometimes acts like a little kid.
"You did. Thanks, really."
Troy grinned at him before pulling him in for a kiss.
"Show me how grateful you are..."
It's unbelievable how much lust this guy has-
"You haven't fucked me in a looooong time, Nicky—"
"The last time was only a few days ago..."
Nick sighed and looked critically at Troy's bandaged wound.
"It's been way too long! Come on, it's almost completely healed!"
Troy leaned his forehead against Nick's and stared at him with his dark blue puppy eyes.
“You can’t make me suffer like this...”
"Troy, I'm tired..."
Nick tried to free himself from Troy's grip, but Troy wouldn't let go so easily, of course.
Instead, he pulled Nick closer and buried his mouth in Nick's neck.
“Do you want me to beg for it, Nicky? Are you into that kind of shit?"
Nick had never thought about such preferences before. Until now, he had just had sex with someone without much foreplay..but with Troy, everything was different.
He couldn't stop the idea of Troy begging for him from giving him a tingle.
Nick felt Troy's smile on his neck, when he didn't receive a response before Troy ran his tongue from his neck to his ear.
The crazy bastard stuck his tongue in Nick's ear, causing him to startle.
"Please Nicky...fuck me..."
A shudder ran through Nick's entire body.
Hearing Troy moan these words directly into his ear with such fervor was probably the most erotic thing Nick had ever experienced.
He heard Troy's triumphant laugh as he threw himself on top of him to eat him up passionately.
Within seconds, Nick was covering Troy's neck and shoulders with kisses.
Troy felt a rush of warmth as his hands quickly opened Nick's belt.
Nick did the same with his pants before ripping his T-shirt over his head.
"Get on the sink...”
"Here nicky?"
"No time to go to the bed..."
Nick murmured, spreading kisses across Troy's chest.
He couldn't waste any more time. Troy had awakened an unstoppable lust in him, and there was only one way to satisfy it.
Troy snorted as Nick pushed him and sat him down on the sink.
Fortunately, the sink was sturdy enough to hold them both. After all, those old geezers on the ranch knew their trade.
Troy lay on his back on the washstand, spreading his legs for Nick.
Nick leaned down and licked from Troy's navel to his rock-hard penis.
He briefly licked Troy's balls before teasing his butthole with his tongue.
"Shit, Nick—"
Nick stuck his tongue deep into Troy's ass, making it wet with targeted movements.
"God- that's enough already- go on- stick your cock in!"
Troy did his best to form a proper sentence between moans.
Nick enjoyed Troy's suffering briefly before pulling his tongue out and starting to stroke his own penis.
"I didn't hear a please..."
He looked down at Troy, who was already sweaty and breathing heavily beneath him, and grinned cheekily.
"You son of a bitch—you're soo into it!"
Nick swallowed and rubbed the tip of his cock against Troy's hole.
"I hear?"
Troy clicked his tongue and tossed his head toward the mirror behind him. He was going to lose it if Nick kept teasing him.
“Please, Nicky- put your goddamn cock in me and fuck me until I can’t move anymore!”
Nick hummed in satisfaction, before he spread spit on his penis, and thrust hard and fast into Troy.
Troy was stretched enough by now that Nick had no problems sliding easily and smoothly into him.
"Oh, fuck—"
Troy clutched Nick's neck and shoulder tightly with one hand while holding on to the washstand with the other.
With every push Nick gave, Troy's head hit the mirror.
Nick leaned forward, buried his face in Troy's curls, and put his hand between Troy's head and the mirror to prevent another injury.
After a few thrusts, Nick lifted Troy's leg and placed it over his shoulder for a better angle. He grinned at Troy's uncontrollable moans when he hit his prostate.
It didn't take long for Troy to orgasm. Seeing Troy's face gave Nick the push he needed to fill Troy with his cum.
"You good?"
Nick pulled out and cleaned up while looking down at the completely exhausted and heavily breathing Troy sprawled across the washstand.
"Geez Nick, I'm more than good."
Troy winced briefly when Nick began cleaning his cum off, too.
This made Nick grin as he helped Troy climb down from the washstand.
Nick was startled awake when the door was suddenly flung open.
"What the...?"
He blinked, trying to open his eyes. Beside him, Troy pulled himself up with a painful hiss and immediately reached for the gun on the nightstand next to the bed.
To his relief, it was only Alicia in their bedroom.
"Urgh..."
She spat, looking at the naked bodies of her brother and his very platonic normal friend before Troy quickly threw the blanket over Nick's exposed body.
"Nice to see you're not hiding it anymore..."
Troy looked down at the gun in his hand, ashamed, while Nick ignored the comment skillfully.
"Jesus Alicia—why are you barging in here like that?"
Alicia crossed her arms.
"Long night, isn't it? You guys totally overslept. There's great news, we're in deep shit."
Troy was always fascinated by how easily she said these things, as if they had no deep meaning.
"Get dressed and come to the main house. There's a lot to talk about..."
She turned and left the house as quickly as she had arrived.
Nick and Troy exchanged a confused look before Nick dragged himself out of bed with a low growl.
Troy was much more energetic and quicker to get dressed. He looked nervous, which again made Nick nervous.
"Any clue what that's about?"
Troy shrugged as he buttoned his shirt.
"Maybe they've unearthed Big Otto's dark secrets..."
"Even more than we've already found?"
Troy leaned against the doorframe as he finished dressing.
"My old man had a lot to hide...who knows?"
He watched Nick get dressed absently before they walked to the main house together.
Madison had actually found another one of Big Otto's dark secrets when she rummaged through his desk.
They were running out of water sooner than later.
Everyone in the room was tense, discussing how to resolve the situation.
Nick sat close to Troy on a bookshelf near the floor. He felt Troy tense up as the others began to question Jeremiah's actions.
No matter how bad of a father Big Otto was, Troy still adored him for some reason, and he wouldn't allow anyone to speak ill of him.
"Well, my father never expected we would have so many parasites on our ranch..."
This biting comment immediately earned him a grim look from both Taqa and Crazy Dog.
"Troy..."
Jake was immediately ready to restrain his brother.
"Oh yeah, your dad could have come up with a better plan. You would have run out of water at some point anyway."
Jake tensed immediately as Troy slid off the cupboard, casually ignoring Nick's hand on his shoulder.
With a nasty grin, he walked up to Crazy Dog.
"Without my father's planning, you would never have been able to nest here."
Crazy Dog didn't flinch as Troy approached him menacingly.
"All that great planning won't do us any good if we all die of thirst soon..."
Troy smiled wryly and shrugged his shoulders.
"Well, then find water somewhere else. At least then those who own the land will have enough."
Crazy Dog continued to walk toward him with an icy stare.
"I thought you finally understood that you don't own the land—"
That was enough to send Troy over the edge. He grabbed Lee's shirt collar.
“Feeling brave, Kemosabe?”
Lee didn't take his unimpressed eyes off Troy. The air was so tense that one of them could get physical at any moment.
"Troy, come on—"
This time, it was Jake who put his hand on Troy's shoulder.
"We have to work together now..."
Troy let go of Lee and pushed Jake away.
"How am I supposed to cooperate with them after everything they've done?"
His gaze lingered on Ofelia.
"Did you sleep well in that house of the people you killed?
He almost spat out the last sentence.
"Like you're a saint..."
Ofelia was unimpressed as well, which pissed Troy off even more.
"Troy, please..."
Jake's hand found his furrowed brow again.
But before Troy could approach Ofelia, Nick grabbed his arm.
This made Troy pause for a moment and look at Nick with a skeptical expression.
The two exchanged a look—a silent conversation—a plea to leave it be.
Troy sighed, turned, and walked outside.
Jake gave him a grateful look before Nick followed him out the door.
Nick was surprised to find Troy by his father's grave.
"Do you always have to be so provocative?"
A while ago, Nick probably wouldn't have dared ask something so casually—not Troy Otto—but now he thinks he can get away with a lot with him.
Troy's gaze left his father's grave and found Nick's eyes. For a moment, Nick couldn't read his expression, but then a crooked smile formed on Troy's lips.
He snorted and shook his head.
"What can I say, Nick? That's my charm."
"Are you worried about what's going to happen next?"
Troy snorted again.
"How could I not be worried? We're on the edge of the abyss."
"We'll find a way to solve it..."
"Since when are you such an optimist?"
Nick was definitely not an optimist. He never was...maybe when he had the right drugs...but definitely not sober.
"I'm not, but we have to find a way...so we will."
Nick put his arm around Troy's shoulder.
"Everyone will fight for this place. You're not alone anymore."
The other ranch residents noticed the tense atmosphere, and of course, no one was happy about having to conserve water.
The air was electric, so it was no wonder that things were about to escalate. A young boy—whose name Nick thought was Terrance—tried to attack a group of Natives with a gun.
Of course, Nick had to get involved. A big fight broke out.
After everything calmed down and Terrance was taken to the medical ward, Nick stumbled over to Troy, who was surprisingly calmly standing on the sidelines, just watching the action.
But the smile on his lips made Nick suspicious.
When they were alone in their cabin again— Troy still had to rest and wasn't allowed back to the military yet— Nick brought up his suspicions.
"Did you incite him?"
Troy threw himself down on the couch to make himself comfortable.
"What are you talking about, Nick?"
He asked playfully. Even though he knew exactly what Nick meant.
"I saw you talking to him yesterday - Terrance I mean— of course."
Troy grinned to himself, but Nick could feel it.
"It was his choice, Nick. I can't control people."
He doesn't even deny it.
Nick turned abruptly and walked toward Troy.
"He wanted to avenge his girlfriend. That's honorable—"
"Troy damn it—you killed his girlfriend! Now he's going to suffocate from the wound slowly and painfully!"
Troy just shrugged before looking Nick in the eye. There was no trace of remorse in his gaze.
"I didn't hurt him. It was them."
"Them?"
Nick reached down and grabbed Troy's collar.
"Dude, we live here together! Maybe you've finally given them a reason to distrust us completely! What if Walker decides to take our guns away now?"
Troy was still grinning at Nick like a maniac.
"I definitely won't let that happen..."
“What’s wrong with you?”
Nick let go of Troy's collar and threw him back on the couch.
"I swear, if you plunge us all into ruin, I'll choke you myself..."
"Is that a promise, Nicky?"
Troy's voice was playful, but Nick wasn't in the mood to play.
He turned around and left the house.
The fact that Troy wasn't taking the situation seriously at all pissed him off.
"He won't like that—he really won't."
"I know, but there's no other way, Nick."
The attempted attack by Terrance left Walker with no choice but to collect all the weapons from the residents of the Broke Jaw Ranch to prevent such attacks in the future.
"Let me talk to him. I'll convince him..."
Nick stroked his hair nervously.
"No, no, no, Mom—no way!"
He took a deep breath.
"I'll talk to him—I'm the one he's most likely to listen to."
“Nick, you don’t have to do this. You’re already putting yourself in enough danger with him...”
Oh, she has no idea.
“I’ve got him under control, Mom. He won’t hurt me.”
Nick put on a weak smile to reassure her, even though he wasn't the least bit calm himself.
With Troy Otto, you could never be sure how he would react to anything. He could shoot Nick on the spot and then kill everyone else on the ranch. Still, Nick hoped that his current ‘closeness’ to Troy would give him a better chance.
"Give me until tonight, and you can have the guns."
When Nick arrived at the cabin, Troy was nowhere to be seen. He immediately became nervous—what if one of Troy's men had informed him of the situation?
He called Troy's name a few times but got no answer.
While Troy was away, Nick gathered his weapons. Of course, Troy had brought a few weapons to Nick's house over time. He was obsessed with guns.
Nick searched the closet and immediately found a rifle among the shirts.
It looked completely out of place.
He stuffed it into a large sports bag along with the ammunition when he heard creaking beams behind him.
Before he could turn around, he heard a 'boo' in his ear.
Nick rolled his eyes and pushed Troy away.
“Jesus, Troy, where have you been?”
Troy snorted but didn't back away.
“Fixed the hole in the roof. What are you packing?”
He pointed to the gym bag in Nick's hand.
"Are you kicking me out?"
"Of course not, eh—"
Nick thought quickly about whether it made sense to come clean now or delay a little longer.
"I'm just packing stuff for a mission."
He changed the subject quickly before Troy could ask any more questions.
"Besides, I'm just starting to really enjoy our shared place.
Nick slammed the closet door shut with his foot and put his hands on Troy's hips.
Troy immediately pressed his forehead against Nick's.
"So you're not mad at me anymore?"
This gave Nick an idea— what if he distracted Troy? If Troy didn't notice, he couldn't make a fuss...what he told him after that was a problem for another day.
Nick brought their lips together in a deep, passionate kiss.
"Oh well, I'll take that as a no, then."
Troy hummed against Nick's lips between kisses.
Nick managed to get them to the bedroom amidst the wild making out.
He threw Troy back onto the bed and jumped on top of him. His hands snaked under Troy's shirt, giving him no time to breathe.
“Wait—wait—wait Nick—”
Troy pushed Nick away a little, and he looked at him in confusion.
"I'm dirty—"
"God I hope you are..."
Nick sucked along his neck.
"Nick- I'm serious- let me shower first..."
Nick growled, then let go of Troy's neck and sat up to look at him with furrowed brows.
Troy fidgeted nervously beneath him— he seemed really uncomfortable.
"Troy I don't give a fuck if you're dirty—I want you now..."
Those words went straight to Troy's dick, making him hard despite his efforts to resist.
Still lying on top of Troy, Nick felt his member twitch. A sharp smile spread across his lips as he began to kiss Troy passionately again. His own erection pressed against Troy's, and they rubbed against each other until it became painful.
Nick unzipped his trousers and took out his erect penis.
“Will you be so nice and make my dick wet?”
He stroked his cock while Troy looked at him for a moment, saliva from both of them spread around his lips, before sitting up and kneeling between Nick's legs.
He placed his hands on Nick's thighs and opened his mouth for him. Nick grinned widely.
Who would have thought that Troy would listen to him so obediently?
He slipped his cock between Troy's hot, wet lips.
Troy immediately started sucking while Nick tangled his fingers in Troy's curly hair.
At first, Troy moved his mouth up and down slowly until Nick tightened his grip, spurring Troy on to suck faster.
"Fuck Troy..."
Overcome with lust, Nick couldn't hold back any longer and thrust into Troy's mouth.
Troy moaned, causing Nick's cock to vibrate slightly.
"Shit, OK—pull out or I'll come—"
Troy pulled his mouth off Nick's cock on command and licked his lips.
"Was it that good Nicky?"
Nick threw himself back onto Troy, causing him to fall backwards onto the bed.
"More than that..."
He kissed Troy quickly before rolling him over so that he was on all fours with his back to Nick.
"So let me return the favour..."
He slowly slid his hands under Troy's T-shirt, pulling it over his head, and then pulled Troy's trousers and boxers down in one go.
Spreading kisses along Troy's spine, he inserted two fingers into his anus.
Troy's legs immediately began to tremble as Nick instantly located his prostate and teased it intensely.
He could listen to Troy's stifled moans forever, but his cock was screaming for Troy's ass.
So he pulled his fingers out of Troy's stretched anus and replaced them with his cock.
This time, he started with slow, gentle movements that made Troy whimper.
His hands clutched at Troy's hips.
However, Nick knew they both needed more, so he started thrusting faster, which was greeted with Troy's moans.
"Nicky...?"
Troy took one of Nick's hands and guided it to his neck.
"Choke me..."
"What?"
“Fuck, Nick—choke me! Choke me to death if you want!”
Nick's hand clutched at Troy's neck hesitantly.
"Shit...when you were so mad at me earlier...I jerked off hard—the idea of you choking me—ahh!"
Without quite realising it, Nick squeezed Troy's neck tighter. The idea of Troy touching himself after their argument annoyed him...but it also made him horny.
"Squeeze, Nicky... strangle me..."
Nick was almost scared by the deep, dark, animalistic behaviours that Troy awakened in him. Sex with Luciana or Gloria had never...felt like this. But it was exactly this feeling that made him so obsessed.
He squeezed Troy's neck tighter, eliciting a strangled moan from him.
Shit, he would never have guessed how hot it was to choke someone.
Troy had given him full control—he literally had his life in his hands—and an unquenchable rush of fierce energy coursed through him.
He fucked Troy harder and harder, cutting off his air, until Troy almost collapsed under him. But Nick held him tight.
Even when they both climaxed for the first time, they didn't stop. Neither of them would stop until all the strength had left their bodies.
In the end, Nick came five times and Troy six.
They were both too exhausted to talk and just lay there for a while.
After some time passed, Nick slowly got up, got some towels and cleaned himself and then Troy. The sheets needed washing urgently too, but that would have to wait until another day.
He threw himself onto the bed next to Troy, pulling the blanket over their stark naked bodies. Troy stared at him in a daze—he looked really messed up.
"I'll never be able to walk again—my ass is on fire..."
Nick snorted, then moved over to Troy and pressed a kiss onto his forehead by way of apology.
"Luckily you don't have to walk around today..."
Troy put his head between Nick's neck and shoulder.
"I still have no regrets — that was the best fucking sex I've ever had!"
"Do you have that much experience to be able to compare it?"
"Shut up—you've already fucked me like five times- that's enough for comparison."
Nick raised his eyebrows.
"I was your first...?"
Troy buried his face deeper into the crook of Nick's neck. He looked almost ashamed.
"It doesn't fucking matter..."
"What-? It does! The first time is supposed to be special...and you had it with me."
"I don't care—I'm not into emotional crap. You were my first kiss, too, if that's important too..."
"What? Dude, that's almost more important—"
Troy snorted with laughter at Nick's disbelief.
"All meaningless shit, Nicky!"
Nick couldn't help but snort in bewilderment.
"You're really sick man..."
Troy shrugged before snuggling closer to Nick. He put a hand on Nick's hip and pulled him closer.
Nick would never have imagined that Troy was such a big cuddle lover, but he was always full of surprises.
He felt Troy's chest rising and falling more slowly.
His eyes slowly closed as Nick began to stroke his hair.
"I'm glad it was you...and not someone else..."
Shit.
Nick's jaws began to tighten.
This is going in a completely fucking wrong direction...
Notes:
》I just saw on TikTok that some people think that someone is writing a fanfiction with AI because you use em dash (that is - [I just googled it to add it here LOL]). brother I have no idea where the em dash is on my PC keyboard - you just see which sentences I rework afterwards on my PC HaH
I am strictly against the use of AI in creative activities - I just don't know how to use my PC🙂↕️
Just wanted to say that🤞《
Chapter 5: Shit Nicky, was that so hard?
Summary:
The final chapter!
Nick got scared when he realized that Troy was starting to have real feelings for him.
He had to show Troy that a relationship between them would never be possible.
But is that really what's best for them?----
"Damn it, we fucked! But that means nothing—you mean nothing to me..."
The words rushed out of his mouth, but he had to say them. There wouldn't be a better moment. He had to get out of this before he dug his own grave.
Nick tried his best to ignore Troy's wet eyes and the trembling of his hands.
"Nicky—"
His voice shook so badly that it broke."No, shut up—I don't love you, and I never will...so just give up."
It sounded cruel, felt cruel, and was cruel.
But Nick had to say it before he got himself into more trouble.
Notes:
》Well, it took me much longer than expected to write this last chapter. I wrote a total of five versions and ended up mixing everything together until I was finally satisfied. I had the most difficulty with Troy—I didn't want to write him as too soft.
The chapter may have turned out a bit long, with over 7,500 words Ehe-I hope you're happy with the ending 🙂↕《
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Once Troy was breathing evenly and deeply, he placed a pillow under Troy's head and swapped it for his own chest. Then, he snuck out of the bedroom with the gun Troy always kept in `his` nightstand.
Now, the real mission begins...
Nick picked up the sports bag and threw in all the firearms he could find in his house. The bag ended up full. Most of the guns were Troy's— who would have guessed? Nick had hoped that Troy might have lost track of them at some point, but he knew Troy....he had a good overview of everything.
He threw the bag over his shoulder, quietly closed the door behind him, and went straight to his mother.
When he placed the bag on the table in front of her, she raised her eyebrows in surprise.
“All the guns I could find...”
"How did Troy react?"
Madison looked inside the bag.
“Was he very upset?”
"He, uh..."
Nick rubbed his chin.
“Maybe he doesn’t even know about it yet...”
Madison's eyes shot up, causing Nick to sigh deeply.
"I distracted him and secretly packed all the firearms..."
“And what’s your plan when he finds out?”
"I'll find a way, Mom. I have everything under control."
Well, he didn't.
He took a cigarette from the pack he had just opened, lit it, and walked past his mother out the door.
Nick had a much bigger problem anyway.
"I'm glad it was you."
This only confirmed his terrible fear that Troy might have fallen in love with him.
All the tenderness Troy had shown him lately—the favors he'd done for Nick—
Darn it, he was in serious trouble.
Moving in together was a shitty idea—now they were stuck together like a married couple.
Nick had to end it quickly. Sure, the sex with Troy was great—almost addictive—but he didn't really feel that way about Troy.
He couldn't.
Troy was a lunatic...a murderer...a monster. If he let himself fall in love with Troy, it would mean he'd forgiven and forgotten everything...but he couldn't do that to La Colonia...he couldn't do that to Luci.
Nick had to find a way to make this clear to Troy very quickly—to show him that they had no future.
Maybe, if he was very lucky, Troy would let him live because he was so in love with him.
As he walked back into his house and kicked off his boots, he slipped back into the bedroom.
Troy was still sleeping peacefully, just as Nick had left him.
Nick carefully lay down next to Troy, who immediately snuggled up to him again. Nick's hand automatically found Troy's back and began to stroke it in circles.
With light shining on his face and his eyelashes fluttering with each breath, Troy looked like an angel— as if he had never committed those cruelties.
Maybe Jake was right, and Troy just wanted to be loved.
Maybe Troy didn't deserve this cruel life, even before the apocalypse.
Maybe Troy Otto could be loved.
But Nick wasn't the one for him. He couldn't—he didn't want to.
Troy deserved someone who could love him with all their heart.
The next morning, Nick strolled back into his house with two hot cups of coffee. He had successfully avoided every military man because he could imagine how happy they would be about the situation. Nevertheless, he knew he couldn't avoid Troy for too long. It was only a matter of time before Troy noticed that his weapons had disappeared.
But how could you explain to a racist gun fanatic that the natives, who he thought were unjustly living on his land, wanted to take his weapons?
As Nick walked through the front door, he felt the steamy air and smelled the faint scent of shampoo. Nick breathed a sigh of relief. Troy must have been in the shower, which gave Nick hope that he hadn't noticed his missing weapons yet.
Relieved, Nick sat down on the couch and took a sip of his coffee as Troy emerged from the bathroom.
"Morning, Nicky."
Troy almost beamed at him, he seemed to be in a good mood.
"Nice to see you back on your feet."
Nick said jokingly as Troy walked past him, dressed only in a pair of pants, to the closet.
"Well, a shower can do wonders" Troy snorted as he opened the closet and took out a clean shirt.
Nick grinned into his coffee as Troy suddenly stopped inside.
"Nick?"
"Huh?" Nick asked, humming, unaware of what Troy had just noticed.
"Did you take my marching rifle?"
Nick instantly bolted up from the couch.
Shit.
He had completely forgotten that jackass stored his rifle in his closet.
A quick solution was needed.
"Nick?"
Troy threw the shirt over his head before continuing to rummage around in the closet for the other weapons. He had a damn bad feeling...
"What do you need my marching rifle and the pistol from my nightstand for?"
"I—eh—"
Nick stepped carefully and slowly closer to Troy. This was the worst way he could have found out—
"Nick, what the hell is going on?"
When Troy realized that the rest of the compartments where he normally kept his weapons and ammunition were empty, he turned to Nick, his gaze almost snarling at Nick.
"What the fuck—"
"Okay man, let me explain—"
"Oh, you better have a good goddamn excuse for this..."
Troy stood up straight and came menacingly close to Nick, who nervously ran his hands through his hair again.
"Okay, Troy— Walker and the natives got scared after the fight— so they demanded to collect the guns from all the residents—"
Troy turned away from Nick and ran a hand over his face.
"I thought you'd never give up your weapons without a fight— so I—"
Now he started laughing manically. But nick knew he wasn't feeling a shred of amusement—no, he was mad— fucking mad.
"So you fucked me to distract me so you could disarm me behind my back!"
He raised his voice so loudly that Nick almost flinched. Troy hadn't been this angry in a long time—not towards him. Luckily, he didn't have any weapons on him anymore.
"Troy, damn it! I just didn't want you to start a fight! They would have killed you if you'd fought back..."
"Oh shit nick- as far as I know that would still be my choice-are you seriously saying that you were just worried about my wellbeing? I don't fall for that!
Troy walked back toward Nick with hurried steps.
"You were afraid I'd kill them all, weren't you? That I'd snap because I'm a monster?"
He grabbed Nick's shirt collar and pulled him close. Single drops of his wet curls dripped onto Nick's face.
"I'm not going to let you mess with me, Nick! You fucking robbed me and lied to me..."
"Troy, I'm sorry, okay?"
Nick reached for Troy's hands on his collar.
"I really didn't want anything to happen to you..."
But that didn't sound as honest as Nick wanted it to, probably because he knew it wasn't the truth—well, at least not the main reason why he did it.
Troy clicked his tongue before pushing Nick off him- hard, so that Nick landed on his ass.
"I don't believe a word you say, Clark."
He turned and stormed out the door.
That went really well.
Troy didn't show up for the rest of the day, and Nick more or less hid in his house. He was afraid to go outside and see what his lies had led Troy to do. In fact, he was literally waiting for a state of disaster to be declared.
However, he actually had to leave his house in the afternoon. Today, he was on fence watch from afternoon to evening.
His stomach tightened when he saw Troy standing in the middle of his soldiers. Their conversation fell silent as soon as Nick joined them.
As they divided into groups for the watch and until Nick went to his post, Troy didn't even acknowledge him—he almost acted as if Nick didn't even exist.
But that was better than them continuing to fight. Nick had no more energy to argue.
His watch ended just in time for dinner. When Cooper came to relieve him, Nick headed straight for the food tent. His stomach had been grumbling for a while.
With his full plate of tomato soup with rice, he went to the table where Alicia was sitting with Ofelia.
As he sat down, his sister eyed him closely.
"Out alone today, brother?"
Nick shrugged his shoulders.
He didn't want to talk about Troy. Or to talk about him anytime soon.
He also skillfully iHe also skillfully ignored Alicia's question about whether there was ‘trouble in paradise’. Honestly, he was glad when she finished her meal faster than him and headed off to who knows where.
Left alone with Ofielia, he suddenly became interested in talking when he saw Troy walking toward the tables.
" So, have you settled in yet?"
Ofelia gave him a small smile.
"Well, besides the warm welcome, the place is actually quite nice."
Nick snorted at her sarcastic comment. Leaning forward, he almost whispered as if it were a closely guarded secret.
"Once they get used to you guys, they're not so bad. They just have to be big jerks, you know?"
With a grin, he headed toward Troy's table, where half the military was gathered.
Ofelia smirked before taking his hand in hers.
"But I have to thank you, Nick, for at least being welcoming to me. I mean, after all...I didn't want it to—you know—hurt you..."
He didn't know if it was just his imagination, but he could have sworn he felt Troy's sharp gaze on his back. Good thing he was so good at ignoring evil glares.
Nick gave her a genuinely empathetic smile.
"I know...I understand your side of things, so no worries. We're all on the same side now."
Ofelia squeezed his hand lightly again before they both stood up. They walked around the ranch for a while—Nick escorted her home—and talked cheerfully, almost like they used to.
After Nick said goodbye, he headed back to his house.
It had become quite dark by now, but his survival instincts sounded the alarm once again.
He knew he was being followed.
Nick was pretty sure he knew who it was...the constant suspicious glances he had given him throughout dinner weren't exactly subtle.
"Troy, cut the crap...I know you're following me."
Dutifully, Troy stepped forward from the shadows behind him.
"What do you want?"
Troy snorted as he stepped closer to Nick.
"What do I want, Nicky?"
Unimpressed, Nick tried to keep walking straight ahead, but Troy grabbed his wrist and slammed him into a nearby wall.
"Is that supposed to be some kind of...revenge, huh?"
Troy brought his face close to Nick's, invading his personal space, so that Nick could feel his warm breath on his lips in the cold evening air.
"What are you talking about?"
Troy snorted again.
"You know exactly what I mean..."
His lips touched Nick's sensitive neck, causing him to shiver.
"Your...intense conversation with the little Indian girl...was that supposed to make me jealous?"
Nick flinched sharply as Troy sank his teeth into his shoulder passionately.
"Fuck, Troy—why would I want to make you jealous??"
Nick pushed Troy away, and he reluctantly stumbled back a few steps.
He rubbed the slightly burning bite mark.
"I didn't realize I wasn't allowed to talk to other people—Jesus Troy, don't act like…we've been dating—"
Even though it was dark, Nick could see Troy's eyebrows furrow.
"What would you call this, then?"
"This? This is nothing, Troy!"
Troy bumped into Nick again, his hands seeking Nick's hips to pull him closer, but Nick shook him off.
"Damn it, we fucked! But that means nothing—you mean nothing to me..."
The words rushed out of his mouth, but he had to say them. There wouldn't be a better moment. He had to get out of this before he dug his own grave.
Don't forget who he is.
Nick tried his best to ignore Troy's wet eyes and the trembling of his hands.
"Nicky—"
His voice shook so badly that it broke.
"No, shut up—I don't love you, and I never will...so just give up."
It sounded cruel, felt cruel, and was cruel.
But Nick had to say it before he got himself into more trouble.
Troy said nothing more. His hands slowly slipped from Nick's, and he stared right through him with a dazed gaze.
Was he thinking about how he was going to kill Nick? Nick braced himself for an attack—but nothing happened.
Once again, Troy surprised him when he simply nodded, slowly turned around and disappeared into the darkness without saying another word.
“Do I have to worry about you?”
Funny question—she always worried anyway.
Nick tore up the bread on his plate.
"What about now?"
"Troy."
Troy, of course.
"Shouldn't you be happy that he doesn't stay at my place anymore? You weren't happy about it anyway..."
Madison sat down at his table, right across from him with only a coffee cup in her hand.
" Could have been...if he hadn't vandalized half the house yesterday.”
Nick tried to look unimpressed under his mother's skeptical gaze as he focused on devouring his bread.
When his mother didn't get the reaction she was probably hoping for, she sighed theatrically.
“I don’t know what happened between you two, but you should keep in mind what he’s like. You know what happened with Mike...so—"
"Should I just make up with him?"
"Just stop making him aggressive...get on good terms with him."
Nick snorted slightly before taking a big sip from his coffee cup.
"Why?" he asked, "Was it useful that I had him under control when you no longer could?"
She glared at him sharply.
"Because I'm afraid he'll hurt you."
"He's not going to hurt me..."
Nick stood up, picked up his dishes to clean them and, above all, to end the conversation.
“If he wanted to kill me, he would have done it last night.”
Afterwards, Madison and Walker left to find new water.
Meanwhile, Alicia and Jake took over running the ranch and had to deal with the unhappy inhabitants...at least they didn't annoy Nick with questions about him and Troy then.
Surprisingly, Troy kept behaving reasonably well over the next few days. Aside from a few small attempts to provoke crazy dog or other natives, he didn't do anything wrong.
Still, Nick couldn't shake the feeling that Troy was planning something with some military men, and he was nervous about being left out of the plans.
In general, Troy avoided Nick as much as possible—not that Nick was eager to approach him. They didn't talk more than necessary.
He didn't even stare at Nick incessantly like he used to—not that Nick would miss it. Of course, it was definitely better that way.
However, Nick was pretty sure that their sudden change in behavior made the other men uneasy. But no one dared to bring it up.
Only Cooper approached Nick at one point, at a moment when Troy was minding the guns, almost as if he didn't want Troy to see that he was even talking to Nick—it felt like they were back in elementary school....
"Want something, Coop?"
Cooper leaned against the table where Nick was sitting on, trying to look casual.
"I uh—just checking—are you okay?"
"Never better."
Nick smiled exaggeratedly.
He didn't know why he was so irritated...he actually liked Cooper, he was one of the better people on Troy's team. Still, what could he say? He didn't really feel like spilling his guts. There was nothing to be said anyway....
“I just mean...did you and Troy have a falling out?”
Nick shrugged his shoulders.
"Sort of. Coop, what's it to you anyway?"
"Yeah, yeah, you're right—I just think Troy was a lot more relaxed, you know? He was a lot more relaxed when he was with you. I mean, I think you were good for him...Troy, well—you know how he is. No one here would probably call him a friend...”
"I know. It's not exactly hard to tell."
Nick jumped off the table when he saw that everyone was getting ready to leave.
"Maybe he should be less of an asshole."
As if Nick hadn't been the asshole. He knows damn well.
“Are you guys planning something? Against the natives, I mean..."
Cooper exhaled heavily and rubbed the back of his head.
They were definitely planning something.
"Yeah, Troy—I tried to talk them out of it...but some here are willing to help him."
Great shit.
"Everybody, get in the trucks! Let's go! The dead don't sleep!"
The mission they set out on wasn't without danger, but it was necessary.
They were running out of medication, particularly due to the poison attack, which had almost completely depleted their supplies.
New medicines were needed.
A few days ago, one of Troy's troops discovered a relatively large pharmacy. It was a little further away, but still within reach. They planned to spend a day getting there, clearing out the pharmacy, and heading back to the ranch the next day.
The only problem was that the pharmacy was full of walkers. Someone had apparently locked them in the building. Still, they had no choice but to risk it.
They went with four small squads. Even Troy, who had assured everyone that his injury was completely healed, joined in.
Nick quickly jumped into Cooper's truck—even though he doubted Troy would willingly give him a ride.
The drive was pleasant, if long, as the other men were much more relaxed around Nick when Troy wasn't around.
Nevertheless, Nick was glad when they finally arrived.
The pharmacy—if you could even call it that anymore—was a rather rundown, two-story building that had collapsed in some places.
Only the symbol above the door showed what it used to be.
As they got closer to the barricaded doors, they could clearly hear the groans and growls of several walkers.
Troy gave loud instructions and divided the men into groups of two.
For the first time in days, Troy looked Nick in the eye, albeit briefly, before assigning him to a group with Cooper.
Cooper patted Nick cheerfully on the shoulder as they prepared to storm the pharmacy.
Troy slammed the door open, and they took out the first few walkers as quietly as possible before moving forward into the building.
Nick followed close behind Cooper as they advanced to the area they were supposed to search.
Cooper signaled to Nick to stand by before carefully opening the first door.
There were only two walkers, an easy matter, but unfortunately, there were also only a few empty packages.
"I guess we weren't the first ones here..."
Nick threw an empty box of pills back on the shelf.
"We'll find some somewhere around here. They couldn't have taken it all."
Cooper pulled his hunting knife from the head of the walker in front of him.
"Ready for the next room, Clark?"
"Always."
Nick got his knife ready as Cooper already opened the door to the hallway again.
Before Nick could reach the door, two walkers pounced on Cooper.
"What the—?"
Cooper stabbed the first walker with his knife as he stumbled back. Nick ran to him and killed the second one.
Only then did they hear the sounds of a fight spreading across the hallway. Clearly, someone had come across a nest of walkers.
Nick cautiously ventured a look out the door.
"Fuck—this place is crowded..."
A loud scream made them both flinch.
"We need to get to the others—"
Nick nodded quickly, and they both rushed into the hallway.
They fought their way through the walkers until they were almost at the door again.
Just beyond the door, they saw some walkers sitting in front of one of their fallen comrades.
"Fucking hell..."
Nick looked around in panic. Where were the others—where was Troy?
"Arg—"
As if on cue, something moved out of the corner of Nick's eye.
It was Troy, stumbling down the last few steps of the grand staircase leading to the second floor, closely followed by a group of walkers.
He fell the last few steps, cursing loudly, and landed in the middle of another group. He was surrounded—surrounded by walkers who wanted to eat him for dinner.
As he hit the ground, his pain-filled scream filled the building.
Without hesitating for even a second—or thinking twice—Nick charged toward Troy.
He took out the walkers in his path and fought his way to Troy.
"Troy, over here—"
He tossed Troy his second knife, which Troy caught and immediately stabbed into the skull of the walker on top of him. Meanwhile, Nick pulled out his other knife to finish off the rest.
Within a short time, they had taken them all out.
Troy looked terrible, lying under a walker corpse. There was a large laceration on his head, nothing Troy Otto couldn't survive, but his face was sweaty and contorted with pain.
But he was alive—that's all that mattered to Nick.
Nick immediately yanked the walker off Troy and knelt by him.
Was he hurt somewhere else? Had he been bitten?
Without realizing it, Nick's hands searched Troy's body.
"Piss off, man—I'm fine—"
Nick sat down and ran his hands through his hair. He didn't know what was coming over him, but he felt an incredible amount of relief when he found no bites.
"Man, I really thought it would have done you in..."
"Like you'd care..."
Nick stared sharply at Troy, who was trying to straighten up.
"I do."
This time, Troy shot out a sarcastic snort.
"As if—didn't you yell at me the other day that you didn't care about me?"
He did. Nick didn't understand it himself. His head seemed to be exploding—he was feeling so many emotions at once. He was relieved, agitated, and disappointed with himself.
How could he be like this? He didn't have to care about Troy...he...he couldn't.
Oh.
He already does.
"I..."
Nick didn't understand anything anymore—or maybe he just didn't want to—and only sheer adrenaline had made him press his lips to Troy's.
It was a quick kiss before Nick came to his senses, as Troy pushed him away.
"What the hell?"
Troy didn't sound angry—his voice was sharp—but he sounded desperately confused, staring at Nick with wide eyes.
"Sorry I—eh—"
Nick stood up quickly.
Eh, do you need help?"
This question shook Troy awake again. He flinched briefly before looking around awkwardly, then staring at Nick again.
"No, gosh—I—"
He tried to get up but hissed in pain and held his ribs.
" Fuck your ribs—be careful—"
Nick immediately rushed to his side to help him up.
Troy tried to shake Nick off, but the way he cursed as he moved meant that his ribs must have taken a good hit.
Realizing this, Troy let Nick put his arm around his shoulder and steady him on the way out.
They walked past the confused faces of the soldiers. When Nick's eyes met Cooper's, he gave him a thumbs-up.
What the—
Blake, their only medic, tended to Troy's wounds and tried to stabilize his ribs, which were clearly broken again.
Meanwhile, Nick helped deal with the chaos in the pharmacy.
They lost three men in the sudden overrun.
After finishing and storing the remaining medicines and bandages in the trucks, they set up camp for the night.
Nick walked straight to the nearby truck where Troy was sitting.
Troy seemed to be staring off into the distance, lost in thought, until he saw Nick approaching. He cleared his throat awkwardly.
"Hey, eh—"
Nick leaned against the truck door.
“You doing okay and all?”
Troy stared at him for a moment before nervously looking away and mumbling to himself.
"Yeah, yeah—I'm not falling apart that fast..."
Nick nodded. He didn't know what to say—should they talk about what just happened?
“Nick, what do you want?”
"I—crap—I dunno..."
Troy's big blue eyes stared at him again, almost penetrating his soul.
Something was happening in his expression, but Nick couldn't interpret it. He had no idea what was going on in Troy's head.
"Then fuck off and leave me the hell alone..."
Oh wow, okay, this was going on.
It was only fair, Nick understood that.
So he didn't resist, just standing up.
"I'm sorry..."
He almost whispered the words before walking to the camp that had been set up in the meantime.
The night was cool—almost cold—and the wind howled through the desert, rustling the tent above them.
Nick couldn't sleep, even though he was exhausted to the bone.
The whole situation was keeping him up...why in the name of heaven had he kissed Troy? What had gotten into him?
When he thought about his relationship with Troy, he could never see it as anything more than lust—could he?
He was curious—damn curious—about what would happen if he kissed Troy that night in the deserted cabin. But he never thought it would turn out like this—never thought he would feel more for Troy than lust....
There was no use racking his brains over it, so he stood up with the blanket wrapped around his shoulders.
After stretching his legs for a while, he found himself standing in front of Troy's truck again.
Surprisingly, Troy wasn't asleep in the truck but lying on the hood, leaning against the windshield.
Nick couldn't stop staring as he stopped right next to the truck.
Troy must not have been completely asleep yet because he quickly noticed Nick.
"Trouble sleeping, Nick?"
He spoke in his normal provocative undertone, but he sounded a little dreamy, and Nick couldn't help but find it adorable.
There must be something wrong with him if he thought Troy was adorable.
Nick shrugged and climbed onto the hood without giving it much thought and took a seat next to Troy, who was silently protesting.
They sat in tense silence for a while, just looking out into the distance, until Nick finally spoke up.
“What are you planning to do when we get back to the ranch?”
Troy looked at him with a furrowed brow.
"What do you mean?"
"I heard you were planning something against the Natives..."
Troy snorted before putting on his ghastly grin.
"Has Cooper been spilling the beans?"
"Whatever, Troy. We've got bigger problems right now."
"Is that so? I told you I wouldn't let them take our guns without resistance—"
Something dangerous flashed in his eyes.
"Surprise, Nick—your plan sucked! I'm going to do it anyway! I'll do whatever it takes to finally get them all off our—"
"Damn it, Troy! You'll never get anywhere with this. Just more people will die!"
Troy just shrugged and turned slightly away from Nick.
"You'll never understand..."
"Troy, listen..."
Nick put his hand on Troy's, who followed him with his gaze.
"I understand your anger, but doing something like that would be suicide. I don't want you to—"
"Save that shit, Nick."
Troy pulled his hand away.
"I'm not gonna let you screw with me anymore..."
Troy half-swallowed the end of his last sentence as he lowered his head to stare at the hood of the car between his feet.
"I..."
Nick's jaw tightened. He wanted to run.
Quickly.
Far away.
But he couldn't. It wasn't fair to Troy—or to himself.
"I never meant to mess with you. I just want—"
"I want to hit you—beat the shit out of you..."
Nick raised his eyebrows in surprise at Troy, who was staring at him with wild eyes.
Well, who cares.
"Then do it."
Without hesitation, Troy threw himself at Nick and pulled him off the hood.
When they both hit the sandy ground, Troy recovered from the stinging pain in his ribs and punched Nick in the face with all his might. And again—and again—
The thin skin on his knuckles burst open, just like Nick's lip.
It hurt—fucking hurt—but Nick didn't stop him. He just let it happen, with his arms outstretched.
It felt right.
After a few more punches, Troy stopped abruptly.
He stared at Nick, sitting on his lap, breathing heavily.
"Finished? Let it all out?"
Troy nodded slowly before letting himself fall.
He buried his face against Nick's neck.
"That didn't feel nearly as good as I thought it would..."
Nick carefully lifted his hand and ran it through Troy's curls.
"I'm glad—I guess?"
They lay in the dirt for a moment somewhere in the middle of the desert, under a bright, starry sky. As if they were the last people on this messed-up world.
Nick felt dazed, as if his mind were leaving his body.
It was only when he felt something warm and moist on his neck that he returned to reality.
"Troy..."
Troy's lips moved up Nick's neck to his jaw.
"We shouldn't..."
"Shut up..."
Nick hised as Troy bit hard into the thin skin at his carotid artery.
"That's really not a good idea..."
He pressed out before Troy straightened up and prevented Nick from saying anything else with a kiss. The bastard licked the blood from Nick's burst lips—which he was responsible for—before pulling away.
"Just shut up and do what you do best..."
Nick really tried—he did his best not to be seduced. Even though Troy was moving his hips cheekily and literally rubbing Nick's semi-stiff cock into his ass.
They were in a tense emotional situation—fucking now would make everything worse.
Troy didn't seem to mind Nick's protests. He reached down and unzipped Nick's pants while still sitting loosely on his lap.
"Troy, please—"
"No—just shut up Nick!"
Troy's hands reached around Nick's neck.
"Just fuck me. Without any feelings—without a reason—just like the first time..."
Nick reached for Troy's face. He looked like he'd have to do anything to keep from bursting into tears.
"This isn't going to make anything better..."
"I don't give a shit!"
Troy pressed his lips against Nick's and thrust his tongue deep into his mouth.
It wasn't passionate at all. It was just desperate—so much so that it hurt.
Not giving a shit about how pitiful Nick looked at him, Troy reached for his cock anyway.
"Please..."
Nick wasn't known for making well-thought-out decisions, so he suddenly switched positions and pushed Troy to the ground.
After recovering from the brief pain in his ribs, Troy grinned widely at Nick.
"There it is again—that goddamn sparkle in your eye, Nick."
Too confused and dazed to think straight, Nick started attacking Troy's neck. Troy screamed in delight and started pulling Nick's pants down.
"Shit, Nicky! Show me more of that sparkle!"
Nick didn't need to be told twice and turned his mind off completely.
He slipped his fingers through Troy's wide, grinning lips and into his wet mouth.
The feeling of Troy sucking his fingers was overwhelming, and Nick had to stop himself from pushing them in any further.
Who needs brains when you can be carried away by your animal instincts?
Nick pulled Troy's pants down to his ankles and inserted his saliva-wet fingers into Troy's asshole.
"Oh, fuck—"
As Troy moaned, Nick ripped open his military jacket and slipped his T-shirt underneath to nibble on Troy's sensitive nipples.
"You son of a bitch—"
Troy threw his head back onto the dirty, sandy floor.
This made Nick grin as he pulled his fingers out of Troy's stretched hole.
"Ready?"
Nick spread some of his saliva on his cock.
"Shit stop asking stupid questions and just do it already..."
Nick snorted slightly before slowly sliding his cock into Troy. Troy's back arched as he took his arm away from Nick and put it on his face, as if trying to hide from Nick's gaze. As Nick began to thrust, Troy bit his own forearm.
Maybe this really was the best way for them to go back to the beginning. Before feelings interfered and complicated their smoky lust.
Still, Nick wanted to look Troy in the eye, so he started kissing his arm until Troy finally showed himself to Nick again.
"You said without feelings..."
Nick paused for a moment before licking the tears from Troy's eyes.
"Shut—up! It only works because of how terribly you fuck!"
Nick glared at him sharply, causing Troy to grin maniacally again.
As Nick thrust harder into him, Troy clung to him with his legs, trying to match his movements.
"Fuck you—"
Nick braced his hands next to Troy's head and lifted him slightly, giving himself perfect access to Troy's prostate.
“Is this what you wanted?”
Nick buried his face in Troy's sweaty curls when all he got in response was a deep groan.
Meanwhile, Troy ran his hands through Nick's hair, then tangled his fingers in it and pulled hard.
The feeling almost made Nick climax, but he tried to suppress it. Troy wasn't ready yet.
So Nick took one hand and put it around Troy's cock, starting to rub it quickly.
Troy's grip on Nick's hair loosened as he threw his head back. His hands wandered down Nick's back, desperately trying to find a hold, while his wet tears left trails on the sandy floor.
"Shit, Nick—why do you have to feel so good..."
"Oh, come on. Just said that?"
"Shut the fuck up."
Troy grabbed the back of Nick's neck and pulled him in for another kiss.
It only took a few more thrusts and a muffled moan from Troy's lips deep in Nick's throat for Nick to come and cum in Troy's ass. Troy didn't fare any better—he came immediately as he felt Nick's cum spread inside him.
Nick slumped on top of Troy, both breathing heavily as they tried to regain their composure.
Troy moved first, wordlessly crawling out from under Nick and standing up.
Nick watched him with weak eyes as he pulled his pants back up and wiped the tears from his face.
Neither of them said another word, though.
Not when Troy sat back down on the truck and not when Nick sat down next to him and put the blanket, which had fallen on the floor during their fight, over them.
Complete silence reigned until they both fell asleep next to each other.
When Nick woke up the next day, Troy was already on his feet, giving instructions to his men.
Nick knew he had to talk to Troy about everything, but he didn't get the chance until they were back at the ranch.
And even at the ranch, his mother and sister took him by sudden, causing him to lose sight of Troy.
When he was finally left alone, he found himself in Troy's room at Big Otto's old house.
But Troy was nowhere to be found, not in the house, the medical station, or anywhere else on this damn ranch.
Nick stood there for a while before sitting down in Troy's desk chair.
As he did so, something caught his eye
Troy's diary was in the middle of his desk.
Nick knew he shouldn't take a look, but the temptation was too great. He had wanted to read it before, but he hadn't dared. What was going on inside Troy was something he was afraid to find out...but now?
So he started leafing through it.
The real diary entries began a few days after Nick arrived at the ranch. Before that, only his disgusting human experiments were recorded.
Creepily, the first few entries were almost all about his mother.
Troy seemed to have really hoped she would become a mother figure to him. For some reason, this made Nick's heart sink.
Nick was also mentioned a couple of times. At first, he was only referred to as Madison's son—not the nicest term—but at some point, he was written about by name. Around the time Nick joined his military squad, Troy started meticulously documenting every one of Nick's moves. So Nick really wasn't imagining it—Troy was watching him.
Instead of scaring Nick off, as it should have, he kept leafing through the pages. He wanted to know when Troy started to feel something for him.
Nick found the entry that mentioned the day after the poison attack. As expected, the first few lines were filled with anger and plans for revenge against the Natives. But at one point, Nick was brought up again.
I was ready to shoot all those damn liars, but Nick was in the way again. I hate him. I hate him so much! He makes me feel weak, and he uses my weakness for his stupid games. But I can't forget how I felt yesterday. What is this guy doing to me?
Nick was probably the first person to ever touch Troy like that, and then he took advantage of it.
After that there was a big break before the next diary entry. He didn't start writing again until the day he moved into Nick's cabin.
I am weak. I'm just weak. But Nick doesn't laugh at me or use my weakness against me. I think he really wants to help me. That confuses me. A lot. But this feeling still feels good. I think he makes me feel good.
Was that it? Was it the moment Troy fell in love with him?
When Nick only helped him out of guilt?
He feels sick.
Nick quickly turned the page. He couldn't read this anymore...how could Troy write something so vulnerable?
Things only got worse the day Nick killed Jeremiah.
I know he had to do it. If he hadn't, Madison would have. But why can't I be angry with him? Why Nick, of all people? How can I do this to my father?
I never thought I could feel this way, but I think I love him.
Nick exhaled deeply. Reading those lines hurt, especially because he knows what comes next...
He betrayed me. Fooled me. But I was stupid enough to dance to his tune. I'll never forgive him for that. Not him. He's dead to me.
These lines were carved into the paper much more messily than the last ones. You could almost feel his anger. The next pages were filled with the same kinds of things.
I hate him. Yet he doesn't even glance at me anymore. I want him to suffer. But something is stopping me. Why can't I make him pay for what he did to me?
Nick folded the diary shut.
He's in deep trouble. He definitely needs to sort this out and tell Troy the truth.
Not because he was afraid of Troy, but because he could feel his pain. He never meant to hurt Troy. Sure, he wanted to tease him...and take advantage of him in some ways—but he never wanted things to get out of hand like that. Nick was a complete idiot who couldn't stand up for his feelings, but that's over now....
Just as Nick started heading down the stairs toward the front door, a creaking noise stopped him in his tracks. It was coming from Jeremiah's office.
"Found anything interesting, Nicky?"
Troy's voice rang out from the shadows.
"Jesus—don't scare me like that..."
Nick stepped closer to Troy.
In the dim light, he saw that Troy was casually sitting in his father's desk chair.
"You left it there for me to read, didn't you?"
Troy snorted.
"I'm well aware of your habit of prying into other people's lives..."
"Why did you want me to read it?"
Nick knew. He knew Troy wanted him to see how much he had hurt him.
Troy didn't seem to feel the need to answer Nick's question. Instead, he just grinned and played with something in his hand.
“You know, I've been thinking...”
"What about?"
As Nick stepped closer to the desk, he realized what Troy was balancing in his hand.
"I'm going to end...all of this today."
A gun.
"Troy...where did you get a gun?"
"Who gives a shit!"
Troy's wild eyes widened, along with his grin. He straightened up in his chair, probably to look more threatening.
“You’re afraid, Nicky? That I might hurt you?"
"I know you wouldn't do that...not anymore."
Nick tried to stay calm, but his heartbeat quickened.
"I know you truly love me."
Troy stared at him, stunned, for a moment before beginning to laugh manically.
"You've given me more than enough reason to do it anyway..."
Nick swallowed hard. He didn't like the situation at all. Troy was so unpredictable that he had to choose his words carefully.
“Why didn't you do it yesterday then?”
That made Troy grin.
"You caught me off guard—confused me—as you have done many times before..."
He shrugged before dropping back deeper into the chair.
"Like you just kissed me the night of the poison attack in that hut...why did you do that?"
Why?
The answer was so shameful that it was almost impossible to utter, but perhaps that was the kind of answer Troy wanted.
“Honest answer? You pissed me off so much that I wanted to tease you—finally, you shut up."
Troy snorted. He always appreciated Nick's honesty.
"And then you realised you could control me pretty well with that?"
Abstrusely, a slight smirk formed on Nick's lips.
“Yes—but it was also fun—I mean, it was good sex...but at some point it felt too real—”
Nick flinched instantly as Troy hit the table with full force.
“It was real for me!”
"I know—that's the problem. I didn't want it to become real for me..."
Slowly, Nick walked towards Troy.
"Why not? Is the idea of loving me that disgusting?"
It almost made Nick shudder when Troy's voice began to shake, and even the dim light couldn't hide his glassy eyes.
Nevertheless, Nick had sworn to be honest with Troy. Troy would be able to sense if he was lying, even if he said what Troy wanted to hear.
"Yes"
Troy immediately raised his gun and pointed it right at Nick.
But Nick wasn't intimidated this time either, so he kept walking towards Troy.
"You're an asshole, a lunatic, a murderer..."
"Then you'd better be scared..."
Even the sound of the pistol's safety catch couldn't drown out the quiver in his voice.
"That's why I didn't want to fall in love with you...I was afraid, afraid to realise that I'm just as sick as you are—afraid to realise that I've already forgiven you for all the horrible things you've done. I thought that if I pushed you away, the feelings would disappear on their own..."
Nick stood right in front of Troy, right in front of the muzzle of the gun.
"But when I thought you were going to die yesterday, I realised that I can't deny it...'
"Then say it...say it or I'll..."
"You'll shoot me?"
"Do you doubt that I would do it?"
Probably not.
"I love you, Troy. Damn it, even if I don't understand it myself...
"You-"
Nick didn't let him finish. There were no words to express how he really felt. So he went straight over to Troy and kissed him.
It was just a kiss—yet at the same time, it was so much more—inexpressible feelings, unspoken confessions...true affection. And all of this was free from manipulation, lust and hidden agendas.
He kissed Troy Otto because he really wanted to.
Because he had fallen in love with the maniac, the monster, the murderer—the man with watercolour blue eyes who would do anything for him—whose love was as intense as a thunderstorm—the little boy who just wanted to be loved once—and his new favourite drug that he could never get enough of.
When Nick pulled away from Troy's lips, two stunned, deep blue eyes stared back at him.
"Shit Nicky, was that so hard?"
Nick just rolled his eyes.
"Oh damn, shut up"
Troy grinned, tossed the gun onto the desk, and pulled Nick onto his lap.
"You almost starved me to death..."
"Let me make it up to you"
Troy's typical smirk formed on his lips again. But this time, Nick found himself admiring how beautiful that grin actually was.
Maybe Troy was bringing out the bad side of Nick.
Or maybe that was the real Nick.
Maybe he really was as sick as he was.
Probably no one else would ever understand them, but then again, maybe no one else needs to.
Notes:
》Big thanks for reading this fanfic!! Thanks for the comments and kudos! You guys always keep me motivated to keep writing my silly little stories♡《
ZombieBitch on Chapter 1 Thu 17 Jul 2025 08:04AM UTC
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Wasistdennhiiierlos on Chapter 1 Thu 17 Jul 2025 08:29AM UTC
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Genesis Calvin (Guest) on Chapter 1 Sat 23 Aug 2025 10:41PM UTC
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Wasistdennhiiierlos on Chapter 1 Sun 24 Aug 2025 09:27AM UTC
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Genesis Calvin (Guest) on Chapter 1 Mon 25 Aug 2025 10:53PM UTC
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Genesis Calvin (Guest) on Chapter 1 Mon 25 Aug 2025 10:53PM UTC
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Wasistdennhiiierlos on Chapter 1 Tue 26 Aug 2025 10:01PM UTC
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Genesis Calvin (Guest) on Chapter 1 Wed 27 Aug 2025 08:51PM UTC
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Wasistdennhiiierlos on Chapter 1 Sat 30 Aug 2025 10:29AM UTC
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ZombieBitch on Chapter 2 Thu 31 Jul 2025 11:33AM UTC
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Wasistdennhiiierlos on Chapter 2 Sun 17 Aug 2025 01:45AM UTC
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ZombieBitch on Chapter 4 Sun 24 Aug 2025 09:47AM UTC
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Wasistdennhiiierlos on Chapter 4 Tue 26 Aug 2025 10:03PM UTC
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ZombieBitch on Chapter 5 Tue 09 Sep 2025 09:40PM UTC
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