He’s Not You

by moonetta

Summary:

Marinette and Adrien were confident they could confront their Sandboy nightmares again, naive to how much their fears had changed over the past few months. But when Chat Noir sees the secret Ladybug has been keeping from him, how will they both confront it?

Chapter 1: Prologue

She dreamed about him sometimes. And when she woke up, blood as cold as that world she found him in, she had to remind herself the difference. She went back and stopped it from happening. He wasn’t real. How many timelines he existed in, she didn’t know. She didn’t want to. In her head she named the differences: Chat Blanc’s eyes were piercing blue, Chat Noir’s were green and lively and crinkled with comfort. Chat Blanc’s skin was too pale, too cold, whereas Chat Noir’s skin was a warm beige. And Chat Blanc really looked unnatural; white suit and white teeth grinning at her. Tikki would perch on her as she murmured these affirmations to herself. Although Marinette hadn’t specifically told her sweet little friend she had panic attacks, she knew Tikki had some idea that she calmed herself with reminders of what was true, to not focus on the bad stuff that happened or could happen. She tried to focus on good things that were happening, hanging with Alya and her girlfriends, her blossoming sewing career and her family’s support. She was dating Adrien now, and she was truly happy. Most days.

She considered telling Alya, but there was never a right time. She already felt like she totally burdened her with her Ladybug secret and hiding as Rena Rouge and Furtive, the stress of figuring out Hawkmoth’s identity and recovering the lost miraculous. Telling her the world was destroyed? She could barely believe it herself, and then she remembered the feeling of touching her own dead body frozen in a scream, and watching it crumble, and feeling the ashen dust on her fingers…

She talk to Alix, at least the adult version of Alix who saw it all happen, but she’d given her the heavy duty of staying permanently in the burrow until Hawkmoth was defeated. She usually only saw Alix in world-ending situations that depended on the Rabbit Miraculous, God how many times was she supposed to save the world from ending? For once she just wanted to be a normal girl, with a normal teenage life.

 

For now, it would just be her little tiny secret.

Chapter 2: Chapter 1

Marinette was awoken by the scattering of purple dust - and the familiar feeling from a few months ago made her shiver. Half-asleep, she heard that child-like singing voice. “Sandboy just checked in…”

Sandboy! But something felt different this different. A cold chill filled the room, and Marinette rubbed her arms. She had to transform, but-

“Mariinetteee.” ushered a low voice.

Marinette cringed a little remembering the Adrien illusion created by the akuma last time. It reminded her of how self-conscious she was that Adrien would like Chloe and hate her, and she felt herself smile that she was now dating Adrien. She was glad she’d gained some confidence since then. And now she’s conquered her fear, she can defeat Sandboy again, really compared to the Miraculous-powered villains Monarch had set on them, it would feel almost nostalgic. She climbed down her ladder, about to say the magic words, when she saw Chat Blanc.

“Ch-Chat Noir?!”

“You know it’s Chat Blanc m’lady. I’m so happy to see you again.”

She knew it wasn’t real, but the panic of seeing Chat Noir like that made her hyperventilate. She breathed heavily, hating herself for letting this happen, and terrified of seeing her best friend unrecognisable with piercing blue eyes and icy skin.

“Don’t act hiss-terical Marinette!”, he sounded manic. “Now we can be together, like we always wanted, before Hawkmoth-“

“NO! STOP!” Marinette screamed. She couldn’t know about anything about this timeline and find out what lead to Chat Noir knowing her identity. What if he told her his?! She already narrowly avoided that last time. Even worse, if he leaves this room, he could reveal her true identity to civilians outside and even worse Sandboy, and Monarch would know.

She stood frozen in anxiety and indecision, and Chat Blanc walked towards her surprisingly light-footed, as if not to scare her. He knelt and tenderly touched her hair. When Marinette flinched, he showed remorse. “I’m sorry Marinette, I was just so excited to see you. I’m living through a nightmare, but you’re still the girl of my dreams.”

Marinette breathed heavily. He’s so much like Chat Noir, the flirting, his anger at injustice, the unexpected kindness, and worst of all she could feel how much he loves her, like how right now he’s holding her like he’s afraid she’ll break. And she did, in his timeline she turned to dust.

But when she felt his claws grasp her earrings she knew this twisted love didn’t belong to her Chat Noir, and this wasn’t the real Chat. It was an illusion, and she had to contact the real Chat. She hoped his nightmare hadn’t trapped him anywhere.

She pushed him away, trying to block out his surprisingly sympathetic voice as he stumbled back. “Marinette? Don’t do this to me. We love each other.”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up.” Marinette mumbled as she jumped onto her balcony, checking the perimeters before she transformed. She transformed, and tried to call Chat. She couldn’t bring him here. Seeing himself akumatised? She wanted to protect him from that. But if Chat Blanc came out of her room, he could reveal her true name as he called after her in the streets. As if on cue, Chat Noir vaulted down on his stick.

“Ladybug! Are you okay? Do you still have your powers?”

Ladybug panicked for a second seeing the real Chat Noir in front of her, but she knew she needed to calm down and think, handle the situation calmly and work out a solution in her mind.

“W-we need to get out of here.”

What if Chat Blanc still has his powers? Is it just an illusion or will he destroy all of Paris, or the whole world again? It was based on her nightmares, how scared she was must be powering him in a way, and his accuracy to the real Chat Blanc

Too much was happening at once, and panic rose in her throat.

“W-we need to go! Now.”

Chat Noir looked concerned, and lifted her into his arms and leapt away. “What’s wrong Ladybug? Did you see something?“

Ladybug stared into his bright green eyes. She felt her breathing calm a little. “I- I don’t know Chat Noir. I can’t think of a solution. Everything I do is wrong! And now it’s coming back to haunt me, and I deserve it for being the worst Ladybug ever.” It all came out in a string of panicked words.

“What?” Chat Noir stopped and let Ladybug sit hidden on a roof. He gently held her hands in this. “Please tell me what you saw Ladybug.”

“H-hah… hhh…” The word “haunt” ran its way through her brain. Haunt… haunted… she died in that universe. She messed up… she messed up.

Chat’s eyebrows were raised in worry. “I think you’re having a panic attack M’lady. Breathe with me okay? One… two… three.” Of course out of everyone in her life, Chat was the one who knew this about her. Of course he knew grounding techniques. He really was amazing.

His voice was so comforting to her, and she trusted her partner, despite all the stupid jokes and puns, his advice always brought her down back to Earth. She followed him, calming her breathing.

“Look at me. You’re the bravest and the best Ladybug the world’s ever had. And I’m gonna have to defeat whoever made you feel this way.” He gave a little flex, and despite it all she smiled.

She loved him so much that she didn’t want him to see Chat Blanc. But that possibility that she tried to be so in control of was now slipping out of her control.

“We need to go. My nightmare is close on my trail. And it’s something that you… really really can’t see.” Desperation lapped at her voice.

“There’s no reason to be ashamed Ladybug. I won’t judge your nightmare.” Chat said with ease.

“It’s not that! It’s-“ How on earth would she explain it? The whole ugly truth?

Chat Noir readied his stick to fight. “Do you want to get behind me? I’ll protect you if you’re scared, and I know we’ll get through this together, like we always do! We’ve already defeated Sandboy and we can do it again!”

She loved his confidence in any situation, and usually she was comforted but… “We should really just go!” She grabbed his hand.

Chat nodded, but it was too late. She felt his slight surprise, as his hand tightened around hers.

 

Chat Blanc.

Notes:

I feel so silly writing the puns lmao,, how does Chat do it

Chapter 3: Chapter 2

Chat Blanc stood, his arms were at his sides but he felt so menacing. The thought of that mega-cataclysm sent her head spinning. How on Earth would she stop that this time? She hoped with all her might that Sandboy’s power didn’t conjure abilities. How would he know Chat Blanc’s power? Did he look inside her nightmares? Did Monarch see it too?

Think Marinette. Last time, Chat’s nightmare-version of Ladybug could conjure a lucky charm. But it was the usual crazy blade she had seen her ‘evil’ selves conjure many times. Not a true reflection of the miraculous’ power. Maybe this Chat Blanc had some power. But it couldn’t be world-ending right? That came from the combination of cataclysm and akumatisation?

Then, her partner’s voice cut through her thoughts.

“Ha! I really don’t suit white do I? I always knew black was my colour. What is this M’Lady, some kind of supervillain that looks like me like Copycat? A sentimonster?” Chat’s snarky voice was an act. She could tell he was shaken.

“Chat-“ He really assumed it was anything else but him. Of course. It was the unthinkable.

“What?” He laughed nervously.

He could tell from her silence it wasn’t.

“Is… is that really me?”

Ladybug nodded, hands to her mouth.

“I got akumatised?”

“I-I’m so sorry Chat Noir.”

“I w-was akumatised?”

Chat’s face quivered as he processed this information. The belief that Ladybug and he would never be akumatised was something he so adamantly believed, because he had to. They were Paris’ protectors, wielding such great power that would be even stronger akumatised, and he was afraid of ever hurting anyone. As all these thoughts clouded his mind, and he froze.

“Chat Noir!”

Ladybug jumped and pushed him to the side before his own nightmare could attack him. He was so fixated on Chat Blanc that he forgot about the nightmare Ladybug who reinforced all his self-doubt.

But unlike the snarling evil Ladybug who taunted his feelings last time Sandboy attacked, this Ladybug took on a more innocent form. She looked just like the real Ladybug, and was staring at him with desperate eyes. “Please- don’t hurt me!” she urged.

Chat Noir panicked. He looked at the real Ladybug. “Ladybug! It’s not true is it? I didn’t hurt you? When we fought you used one of your brilliant plans to take me down right?”

Ladybug returned his panicked look with her own, mouth downturned as she searched for the right words.

Chat ran a hand through his hair frantically. “What did I do?” “What did I do Ladybug?”

This was it. Everything she didn’t want to happen. A manifestation of her inability to tell him the truth. She thought it would cause him less hurt, but really, hearing his partner kept this from him, would probably break him more. Honest sweet Chat Noir, who wore his heart on his sleeve, proclaimed his admiration to her everyday, saved Paris with a smile.

Her anxiety was real after all.

Then she remembered.

In one date with Adrien, which was running on stolen minutes from all his responsibilities from his father, she asked.

“Have you ever kept a big secret Adrien? Because you… were scared.” She clasped his hand.

Adrien paused. His hair was slightly lit by the sun, and his eyes were the cutest green. He really looked like sunshine. She loved him.

“I have. But not because I was scared. Is something scaring you Marinette?” His characteristic quizzical eyebrows raised. Alya and Nino would playfully joke about them, but Marinette loved how they made him look so sweet and empathetic. He truly cared for everyone. “Do you need my help?”

Marinette sighed happily. He was so protective. “It’s more, worried about someone’s reaction. It would hurt h-them so bad. But isn’t it also hurtful to keep the truth from someone? The idea of them finding out you’ve hidden this... bomb from them. I - I just don’t know what to do.”

Adrien wrapped his hands around her shoulders. They held hands all the time now, but this was still a new exhilarating feeling to her. After all those months of dreaming, Adrien’s arms were actually around her!

Looking up at Adrien, she was almost reminded of someone who did the same comforting action.

“You’d never hurt someone on purpose Marinette. I know you. And I know you have your reasons. I think you’re too hard on yourself. Sure, you may be keeping a secret, but was it in your control?”

She thought about Bunnix, different timelines, the world ending, her initial reluctance to become Ladybug, becoming a hero at 13, and how now she felt like she was being torn apart by all the secrets and pressure and responsibility every night.

“I know you like to be in control. It’s hard, but you can’t always control everything that happens. Mostly our reactions to things, right? Just try to work on what you can now, and not what happened.”

His arms enveloped her, and she smelt his signature cologne.

“Thank you Adrien.”

“No problem Marinette.”

In the end she did what felt right. She ran up to Chat and hugged his stiff form tightly, as their nightmare copies of themselves closed in.

“Chat? I promise I’ll explain after we defeat Sandboy. And- I’m so sorry I never told you.” she blinked a bit to hold back her tears. “We can do this.”

Chat clenched his teeth, and breathed heavily. Every question and emotion churning his chest would have to wait. He had to trust Ladybug, even though one particular feeling rose in his throat. One he wanted to bite back guiltily, a part of him he wasn’t proud of. He wasn’t just frustrated and confused. He was angry.

 

At one of the only two people he never wanted to be angry with.