Calinevada: a mascot AU

by Tapeworm_222

Summary:

Basically when someone’s brain gets eaten by worms so they cave and write down a TON of random stuff till it makes a cohesive timeline and stuff and also it’s very unserious untill it’s very serious
All in all uhh gay mascots I guess

Notes:

This is also my first fic and it is infact a work in progress like as you’re reading chapter one I SHOULD be working on chapter two also I’d like to mention the writing style sorta switches POVs through chapters think like Win Or Lose so for chapter one (and only chapter one) it’ll start off with the overview and then chapter 1.5 will follow Mr Omega (or Jack’s POV) and then the same thing for chapter 1.9 and then it repeats for chapter 2
Again this is my first fic so any tips for the next chapters would be appreciated
(I’d also like to mention that some chapters have massive angst potential whichll cause them to be longer than usual) yeah so happy reading!!

Chapter 1: Welcome to Omega Mart! (An intro)

Inside of Omega Mart in an indescribable state that may or may not be real in another indescribable timeline stands…a man of sorts, he’s standing there quite nervously by the door as various mascots walk in.
(I’m not sure if it was obvious but this is infact a mascot au so uh yeah)
After so much awkward waving and…smiling(?) Mr Omega remembers that you should greet people with yknow words, as he realizes this he announces “Uh hello fellow…mascots!” To the mascots as they enter the building, he then whisper mutters to himself “good heavens get a hold of yourself Omega” just as he says this Jack walks in, he shoots him a smile and wave and then says “good morning Omeg—I mean Mr Omega” in which Mr Omega responds with “hello dear nice to see you”

Once everyone is inside they file into a few separate tables those main tables considering of fast food mascots, grocery store mascots, product mascots (like cereal and cleaning products) and…the cannibals…there’s roughly thirty mascots inside the store per Mascot Meeting (in the smallish area that surrounds Omega Mart. I'm also not going to name every single mascot that attends.)
After everyone is seated the Quaker Oats Guy (I don’t know or care if he has a name. I don’t like him.) essentially takes attendance since he’s the “head mascot” in the area, there’s a sort of hierarchy with the Quaker Oats Guy at the top with bigger mascots like Tony the Tiger, Ronald McDonald, the monopoly guy that’s also the stater bros mascot for some reason,etc etc next in line due to their notoriety, and then there’s people like Mr Omega next because he owns the store they have the meetings at, then the other well known mascots, and last the mascots who are near “retirement” and the cannibals.
“Alas we’re all here! Let us begin the bi-weekly meeting! Remember to stay within your own tables” that was the Quaker Oat Guy again, no one really likes him except Tony the Tiger, little Debbie and like the kool aid man because well the Quaker Oats Guy is a pilgrim.
The next 30-ish minutes usually drag on and on for Mr Omega because of how annoying he finds the other grocery store mascots, so of course, abusing his power as the store owner he gets up and tells the others at his table “ah well I just remembered I had a…uh a difficult spill over there in aisle 13! I should go…I should go clean that up and I will also stay doing other store owner activities like…restocking and…making sure the root vegetables don’t…get out again…” at that last statement he shudders a bit and kind of has the 1000 yard stare face, he shakes his head “well I guess I’ll get going now!” No one says anything. The other store mascots think that he’s a bit strange, they’re not wrong I guess, Mr Omega is a little…exceptional so to speak.
He’s average in height and built but no one would really say that’s his defining feature, that would have to be his head which takes the form of well an omega like the symbol (considering we’re on ao3 most of us should know what an omega looks like and no this is NOT an a/b/o fic it’s what some would call a slice of life. If you’re really struggling to figure out what he looks like just google “Mr Omega” just be warned, his fans are freaks.) not to mention that his head is also yellow, which I guess if it was…flesh color…that would be weirder. Other than that he wears a white collared shirt, red bow tie, and brown pants, he’s also always cold so he’s practically wearing a blue cardigan and sometimes gloves.
To no one’s surprise there was no difficult spill in aisle 13, he simply wanted to see his…work buddy…Jack! Yup like the guy! The guy people are…ahem that’s not the point. So he stood up and walked over to his Jack—I mean Jack and put his hands on his shoulder “ah hello dear—I mean valued friend!” Which of course everyone has their suspicions on their current relationship status but no matter what they’ll deny any sort of romantic involvement for different reasons, Mr Omega thinks it’s unprofessional to have romantic relationships in the workplace, Jack because he’s convinced he’s not gay. Anyways back on topic! Jack then responds “oh Mr Omega hi what are you doing here?” Before he can respond the voice of a child yells out “OH I KNEW IT I KNEW YOU WERE GAY TOGETHER!! Wendy, we’re gonna get paid today” this child was DQ, an eleven year old girl who was only there because her pathetic excuse of a father attended the meetings (she’s also the Dairy Queen mascot “to be”) Mr Omega and Jack both…blushed(?) a bit, as you would if someone accused you and your…work buddy…of being romantically involved. Mr Omega’s face gets a little bit orangey (yellow and red make orange) and Jack blushes red, after a few seconds of silence and awkward stares from everyone at the fast food chain mascots Mr Omega stutters “I-DQ no, Jack and I are simply…” while he’s trying to figure out what to say Jack blurts out “oh we’re work buddies! Fully platonic friends that…that are friends and nothing else!” In which DQ responds with “oh sure whatever you say Jackson” in a sarcastic manner “seriously who are you fooling?” She continued, Jack then responded “ok ok wait, you’re like what, nine? Seriously, what do you know about relationships? Aren’t you barely learning what a decimal is?” And within seconds DQ responds with “alright listen here Jackson” and guess what, Jack interrupted “my name isn’t Jackson” and again, in mere seconds DQ responded “wow interrupting a child, anyways, first of all, your name is Jackson, I would know, it’s on all your legal documents” Jack tries to interrupt again (not to question why a child had gotten a hold of his legal documents) “oh wowee that’s twice already! Ahem as I was saying, yes the name Jackson In The Box is on all your legal documents, and I know plenty about relationships, namely gay ones but also just in general, mainly because I’m friends with Wendy, and we all know what I mean by that but also because my…father, Coney was married to Curly and believe it or not, but those were two men, I know gay people when I see them” at this point Jack was not paying attention and trying how to change his name…again…and Mr Omega was starting to walk over to ask Coney if he needed to have DQ watched again (now of course she did because coney is a pathetic excuse of a father but I’m getting ahead of myself, my job is to narrate and not share my opinions. I canNOT afford another pay cut.) ahem as I was saying, turns out Mr Omega did have to watch DQ again (a task he did not mind doing)

It was getting late and as the mascots were leaving Mr Omega was standing at the door saying goodbye to them all—similar to how he did in the morning but this time with a small child next to him holding on to his hand. After everyone was out Jack awkwardly walked over and arguably more awkwardly asked “hey so uh…Omega! You know how you’re like my…uh my only friend..?” After this statement DQ tried to hold back a loud laugh but failed in which Jack was in shock “I-What the ffffffffffreshly made food…why is the kid here?? Nope Jack, get back on topic. Anyways what I was trying to say was how you’re like my best friend and…I’m kinda out of food at my house so is it ok if I…uh I dunno…” DQ bursted out laughing and Mr Omega tried his best to get her to stop “uh give me a second dear” “DQ.” It’s hard to explain but he kind of gave you the look your mom might give you before you get in trouble “ahem I’m sorry Darling but of course you can stay the night” after hearing him say this Jack turned a bit red. Now trust me when I say this, if you were there you would’ve gotten such severe second hand embarrassment you would want to be I dunno struck by lightning and then reincarnated into a jellyfish. It was THAT bad! Anyways I couldn’t possibly narrate the rest of the night because I don’t get paid overtime!

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End of chapter one

Chapter 2: Welcome To Omega Mart (part 1.5)

Summary:

Basically the same chapter from Mr Omega’s perspective and it touches a little on what happened at night when Jack stays over or whatever

Notes:

Hi it’s me again and stuff this is like the second chapter for my first fic so I’m also super proud of it and stuff but because it’s my first like second chapter or whatever it’s not gonna be like the best so but yeah lemme know your thought!! 😋😋 (characters like Wendy, Ronald and stuff do make an appearance in future chapters soon I swear)

Alas another day of work and again more mascot meetings
Now if you were to ask me I’d say it’s better to be slightly late to things like this primarily because I cannot stand the other grocery mascots…actually scratch that i have to maintain my customer service attitude which means that I have to…whatever pull yourself together Omega, ugh why are you like this…Ok! Back on track! So in the mornings we have the meetings where all the mascots in the area sort of meet up here and it’s been like that for…wow for a while now that I think about it! Ok so once everyone gathers the…ugh the Quaker oat man tells us all the same thing that he says everyday, so of course after a while you get sick of it—oh poor Jack and DQ they are forced to share a table with him—however today he said “Alas we’re all here! Let us begin the bi-weekly meeting! Remember to stay within your own tables” which was a bit strange.
Anywho I actually tried to engage in conversation so when I heard the other mascots talking about how often they should have the produce misters go off I said “ah well I have my misters set for every five and a half minutes which is usually when I need to remind the newer employees to take a micro break or else…” It was at this point when I noticed that they were all staring at me with quite…peculiar expressions, the same one an individual would make when having to deal with an exceptional customer. I then realized that I was not wanted nor appreciated at that table so like any sane man I made an excuse and said “oh I think there’s…I think there’s a difficult spill over on isle…thirteen! I should go check that out before someone..gets hurt!” In which I got up and pushed in my chair, as I was walking over to the food chain mascot table—because they tend to be decent—I realized how much of a stuttering mess I am.. I sure hope I’m not always like that but that’s ok because before I knew it I was at the food chain table! I say that as if it’s a long walk in which it isn’t at all, but that’s ok because I then saw Jack and decided to get his attention! I didn’t really know how to do that so I simply put my hand on his shoulder and said “hello dear !” As I did this he looked up at me and turned a little bit red. It was sort of endearing. Not even a minute later DQ nearly shouted out “I KNEW IT I KNEW YOU WERE GAY TOGETHER!!” Which, yes I am gay and pretty open about it but that’s besides the point, DQ was accusing that I was in a romantic / sexual relationship with Jack, which is a little bit of a problem because it is quite unprofessional to be dating someone in the workplace setting. Which is not good whatsoever! I make it a point to maintain a perfect customer service attitude and—for lack of a better term—reputation
(hi it’s the narrator—aka your favorite character—from the previous chapter again, what our friend Mr Omega here is trying to say is that he values his public appearances and highly highly values the fact that he’s the poster child for good customer service attitude)
to try and prevent this sort of…rumor or sorts…from spreading I tried to get something out “I—DQ no Jack and I are simply…” which of course another failed attempt at something, luckily for me Jack decided to come in and essentially save the situation and said “We’re work buddies!” After this comment him and DQ started arguing which happens surprisingly often. Usually when this happens I end up leaving because it’s impossible to break up the fight in which I had to walk over to DQ’s..her pathetic excuse of a father (also known as Coney but I will not be doing him the favor of saying his name) that’s not even besides the point in this case because every time we have a meeting I have to ask him if he needs me to watch her, the good thing is that he usually says “sure” because well for lack of a better term, he’s neglectful. Not to mention how this has been going on since she was around six years old and currently she’s eleven, it’s genuinely shocking how no one’s done anything…I wonder if I can potentially do anything about it….

As the meeting came to an end everyone was gone except me DQ and Jack, DQ was holding on to my hand and Jack was walking over to me and then he sort of sheepishly asked “heyy so uh…Omega! You know how you’re like my…uh my only friend..?” After he said this DQ started laughing a little and I suppose he didn’t see her because he then nearly shouted out “I-What the ffffffffffreshly made food…why is the kid here?? Nope Jack, get back on topic. Anyways what I was trying to say was how you’re like my best friend and…I’m kinda out of food at my house so is it ok if I…uh I dunno…” and after he said that DQ began full on laughing and so I had to try to get back to Jack and responded “Hold on dear” and then I shot DQ a look of sorts and told her to head inside and replied to Jack with “yes dear you can stay the night” and he then turned a little red again. And so we started to walk over to my…house? Office? House yes my house, anywho we walked over there and at this point it was quite late so one we got there I mentioned to Jack “I’ll be right back dear, I need to go check on DQ but feel free to get anything from the fridge, I’ll be right back”

And so I went to go check on DQ and as I walked in I saw her immediately hang up her phone and then just stare there for a little bit before saying “uh…hi” Suspicious. I proceeded to walk over and sit on her bed “so who were you talking to?” “…not Wendy” “alright alright, so did you eat something for dinner or do you want me to make you something?” “Well if I were to say that I ate cereal you would say ‘that’s not going to fill you up, how about I make pancakes’ so uh no I didn’t eat anything yet” “alright I’ll go make pancakes then!” I try not to invade on her privacy so I tried not to think about it but I sort of had a general idea. Oh I’m out of pancake mix luckily I own a grocery store so I just have to…walk into my empty, dark, and large store alone..Oh well? Ok Omega, pull yourself together. And so I stepped out into the store and grabbed a box of pancake mix, and put a ten dollar bill in a cash register…wait

Well now that that’s over with I guess I should start making pancakes! A while later I got three plates and for the first two plates I put two pancakes and on the third I put only one with strawberries on top! And I then walked back to DQ’s room and told her to eat the pancakes I made and then she said “can I eat in my room?” “DQ I don’t want to have to deal with potential ants or any root vegetables getting in your room again” “but…I like the root vegetables” “still” “fine” Oh I almost forgot about Jack—even though I prepared pancakes for him—Well he’s not on the couch…Oh! Maybe the room? I went to go check and there he was just sitting there, no clue what he was doing and so I told him “Jack dear I made pancakes, they’re in the kitchen” “oh that’s great I’ll go get those right now thanks!” And so he sort of sped walked past me to the kitchen, wow he walks quite fast so it’s quite a shock how unathletic he is—oh wait I should probably get out to the kitchen in case he and DQ start bickering.

After a little bit everyone finished with minimal arguments which is pretty good! I then went to go tuck in DQ and then she asked “are you sure you and Jack aren’t dating? He’s like basically you’re husband” "…what uh no we’re just friends !” “Are you sure?” “Yes DQ plus Jack’s straight now go to sleep ok?” “Ok goodnight!!” Sometimes I wonder why she keeps insisting on the relationship..? Anywho! I went to check on Jack and tell him I was going to bed and he responded with “oh cool wait for me” I ended up giggling a bit because it was just so out of pocket what else would you do?

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End of chapter 2 AKA chapter 1.5

Chapter 3: Welcome to Omega Mart chapter 1.9 (I tried to math it leave me alone)

Summary:

Again the same thing but from Jack’s pov, including even more insight into the night!!

Notes:

Sorry for the whole like…jeez it’s been a while and I’ll touch on why at the end oki doki? XD

I awoke and tossed my long silky hair into a messy bun—phht sorry—anyways ugh I have to go to a mascot meeting today which I think they’re really boring and I constantly get like harassed by this kid which now that I’m “saying” this out loud…good god get a grip Jack…anyways I also have to drive there which is ok because I am great (phenomenal even) at driving.

 

Once I got to Omega Mart there wasn’t really a ton of people walking in, maybe I was late? God I hope there was a meeting today because if not then I woke up at 6am for nothing, I mean I guess I do kind of have to get groceries so maybe Omega can give me a discount…

 

And so I parked and turns out I was actually early so I decided to just sit in my car a bit until I see a few more people walk in. After like 10 minutes I walked in and decided to say hi to my…my friend and said “oh hi Omeg—Mr Omega!” And then he responded with “hello dear, nice to see you” wow he’s so nice ! That’s probably gonna be the peak of my day because I then had to take my seat and watch the pile of dust—I mean the Quaker Oats guy went on with his usual blab, usually at this point I just tune out of the actual meeting since I don’t exactly work at my establishment anymore..sometimes uh but yeah so I just kinda did that for a while and then finally Omega rested his hands on my shoulder which was nice because he is like…my only friend and he said “hello dear—I mean valued friend!” And so I said “oh hi Mr Omega what are you doing here?” And then…a shrill and annoying little voice screams out “OH I KNEW IT I KNEW YOU WERE GAY TOGETHER!!!!” She then mumbled something to Wendy.
I swear this kid wants me dead. She's out to get me. And worst of all… she’s only eleven years old.

Omega tried to, for lack of a better term, shut her up, typically in situations like these he gets all flustered and stuttery which honestly fair! Unfortunately his delivery isn’t too great so he only really gets out “I—DQ no Jack and I are simply…….” So me—his best friend—finished his sentence with “oh we’re work buddies! Fully platonic friends that…that are friends and nothing else!” However this—no I can’t say that—this little ugh kid feels the need to pick a fight whenever Omega and I do anything besides stand across the room because she’s just convinced that Omega and I are like…dating or something..which we’re not by the way?? Anyways this thing decided to argue back with “oh suure Jackson, I mean seriously who are you fooling” and my god she’s so sarcastic and smug and UGH can she not call me Jackson? And so I responded…with a question! “Ok wait wait, DQ, aren’t you like what nine? Why do you insist on a relationship, I mean you probably don’t even know what a decimal is?” And get this this child responds within SECONDS with “alright listen here Jackson” and so I interrupted her “my name isn’t Jackson” and then this..this this— she’s a child I can’t insult her—does an annoying “wow interrupting a child” while doing these annoying smug little baby—nope can’t say that about her—while making like a fake sad face or whatever to like make me feel a certain way about constantly fighting with a child. And of course she continues with “anyways, your name is Jackson, it’s on all your legal documents” I tried to interrupt because WHAT the hell does she mean LEGAL DOCUMENTS and then believe it or not she replied with essentially the same response this time clasping her hands together and said “wowee! That’s twice already! Anywho yes your name IS Jackson In The Box and I also know PLENTY about relationships, specifically gay ones because blah blah blah” I stopped paying attention because I think DQ’s a little bit annoying and I don’t like the idea of me arguing with a child

The rest of the meeting was super boring and there wasn’t much about it to take note of. Once the meeting was coming to an end and Omega was at the door saying goodbye to everyone I decided to just sit around for a bit, so once everyone left I exhaled and decided that I need to pull myself together and so I went up to Omega to ask him a massive favor “uh so Omega you know how like…you’re my like..my only friend?” And then I heard some evil sounding laughter and naturally I got shocked and so I calmly said “why’s the kid here” to spare you the details, essentially DQ’s dad sucks and is actually like neglectful so I guess more often than not she stays here. That’s news to me. Oh also Omega kinda gave DQ that look your mom gives you when you say something bad about her in public because you’re about to get grounded if you continue or say anything after that look but you didn’t know that and then you giggle a bit because she’s like never made that face before and then she sighs and when you get in the car you get a huge lecture on why it’s not ok to say that she has a tomato allergy and how that’s really funny because her husband owns a burger chain and ketchup is something we always have at the house and put in most things (this isn’t based off of something that happened to me. It’s not specific at all in fact it happens to a lot of people)

But it’s ok because he then turned back to DQ and said “DQ go to your room ok?” And then turned to me and said “Yes dear, you can stay the night” wow he is so nice.
After that I walked to the…house office situation (Helloo!! It’s me! The narrator AKA your favorite character!! Er—narrator? Do I count as a…AHEM back to the point ! The greater majority of the time mascots sort of reside and/or live inside an establishment or building, now you might be wondering “oh but dear narrator, a-where do they live?” Worry not, my darling reader (that was weird ignore that) you see in the “main” establishment (or single establishment in Mr Omega’s case) there’s an office, yes yes there’s an office in every building but in the MAIN BUILDING™️the office is unusually large which is around the size of a two bedroom apartment, meaning that each office usually contains; two bedrooms, you need to supply your own bed; one bathroom with one of those neat shower bath combos; a kitchen with a sink, stove, oven, fridge, and a nifty center island! Wow what a deal! Talk about satisavi—I need to get a grip.; a decently sized living room; and two additional closets, one of them by the bathroom for towels and whatnot and one in the hallway for blankets, sheets and…;apartment does not include washing machine and/or dryer. )

 

I was like really tired so I like immediately laid down on his bed—I mean our bed—I mean…a bed…shut up..
So yeah I just laid there a bit and then fell asleep for a bit then I just sat there…think

 

After a bit Mr Omega walked in the door and told me he made pancakes and so I said “oh nice!” And just walked out..dang I should’ve said something to him..well, well I walked out and sat at the table and then I hear this irritating voice “Jackson?? Why are you still here??” “I could very VERY easily say the same for you” “I essentially live here, you don’t, unless..” “UH NO WE’RE NOT A COUPLE WHY WOULD YOU UH SAY THAT HAHA AM I RIGHT??” Dear god I need to get my life together man..

The rest of the night while I was trying to..yknow eat my pancakes in peace? But overall it was essentially the same. So overall pretty annoying?
After that..event i decided to go check on Omega because i hadn't seen him after he went to tuck in DQ, i don't imagine it takes that long. Aand so I looked and he wasn't by DQ’s room and I was NOT about to go in there (I would literally rather die but to be fair she would probably strangle me first) so I checked the next best place: The Bedroom—er our-I mean his—what..?
And there he was, asleep…now what.. I guess I could go to sleep too, that’s a good idea!? So I changed into pajamas because contrary to popular belief sleeping in like a tie and collared shirt is very uncomfortable and like ugh

Luckily he tends to sleep towards the end of the bed, sort of like in the position of any sleep stock image where the person is sleeping in their back with their hands outside the blanket (sometimes he sleeps on his side but even then he’s never all the way on his side for..obvious reasons) and the greatest thing is that he doesn’t steal the blanket! However you can’t typically tell if he’s asleep or not because he thinks it’s funny to pretend to be asleep and if you wave a hand above his face he won’t to anything then when you’re trying to sleep and least expect it then he JUMPS AT YOU?? I’m half convinced he took four years off my life from that.
But yeah I laid down in the bed and tried to slide under the blanket without like disturbing him, now here’s how you check if he’s awake or not you just have to be careful, so if you tap his head a little if he’s awake his..teeth(?) will appear but if not then nothing will happen.
So I did that and then he sat up, shook his head a bit, rubbed his head and said “hello dear” he was very clearly sleepy which made me feel sort of bad because sometimes I’ll accidentally wake him up so I said “oh sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up..” “oh it’s ok darling I don’t mind..!” “Oh alright, so how was work, like uh the meeting and DQ?” “Oh it was great, same as usual..! Except when you and DQ started bickering!” He laughed a bit…ok…”seriously though, how did she get my legal and medical documents??” “I actually don’t know, all ask her and Wendy tomorrow” “oh Wendy’s coming over tomorrow? Actually I don’t know why I asked that she like practically lives here, doesn’t she have like clothes here that she just…keeps here?” “Yes which it is questionable because…well I know they’re on break but really I wish Ronald would put in a little more of an effort to sort of…” I’m surprised he actually criticized Ronald’s..parenting style.. I should say something “you mean he doesn’t like connect with her enough?” Silence. He sort of looked down towards the floor, maybe I shouldn’t have said that, I’m gonna try to fix this. “Uh well those pancakes were pretty good! Even though I prefer waffles I made an exception” again he broke eye contact to look at the floor, weird “uh you ok?” “uh! Huh? W-what? Oh yeah I’m fine!” “Oh ok just asking” “yeah thank you” “ok I’m going to try and sleep now because I’m gonna work on cleaning the store tomorrow” I then laid down because I was tired but for some reason kept my eyes open, and then he said “oh you don’t have to do that dear!!” “Well too bad because I’m gonna do it and there’s nothing you can do about it hah! Anyways I’m tired so I’m gonna sleep now” and then he sort of laid on top of me sort of? Honestly I didn’t mind too much because he’s constantly cold and his his strangely cold temperature along with the blanket was a very nice temperature balance….

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End of chapter three :D

Notes:

Sorry I got like a major art block but know that schools back in that means that I may or may not be posting more often!! I also don’t write too often at all so I probably burned myself out :cc but it’s ok because I’m back and DQ’s chapter is back!!

Oh also what are your guys’s thoughts on the narrator because I’m thinking of doing a narrator QnA because like a chapter that’s coming up soon is gonna be like pretty angsty so if you want a silly QnA before the chapter lemme know and ask your questions in the…comments!! ^^
(Ok ok since the “ask me—er the narrator a question” thing or whatever is sort of flopping you can now ask the mascots questions woah how cool..uh sparkle sparkle)