Lies and Truth in Rhyme

by annelea

Summary:

This is a mixed bag of poetry. Some of it, like the first one, will be found here and there in my fics. Others are purely original thoughts and experiences, like the second one.

I haven't written any poetry in a long, long time, and, for some strange reason, have decided to try again.

Don't expect great things. I think I suck at this, and it's okay if you think so, too.

Chapter 1: Revolution

Notes:

This was originally written as a STARSET inspired piece for a Tron fanfiction.

We are but one piece

A fragment seeking release

In a war that will never cease

We may never see the whole

Our world is but a tiny speck

Something on which we reflect

Our course never set

Into the unknown, I will go

 

You traveled there before me

Into a world I cannot see

A state of energy I can't be

Yet, in my heart you remain

Your brilliant light glows faint

A color I can never paint

The soul of an untold saint

You call out to me again

 

They say energy cannot be created

Transference or death is fated

Your touch became so jaded

Your strength held to the end

In my heart, you're still there

A towering figure of light and despair

Once so broken beyond repair

Shattered, but continued to the end

 

Once more in the afterglow

Your brilliance shines on my soul

But now it echoes cold

Years pass and I cannot reshape

This memory of how you left me

Fighting until the bitter ending

Your eyes vibrantly sending

A message I cannot escape

 

You once held me so close

Wrapped only in the ethos

A time that forever glows

In my memory so deep and true

It's all I have left now

On my knees I bow

Memory's all I have now

It's the last sight of you

 

Don't you worry, my love

There's a ship coming from above

I swear it's filled with your love

There's still hope you left behind

This may be the end of you and me

In my mind, your voice steady

In my soul, you guide me

To a light that leaves me blind

 

Soaring high into the sky

Or riding deep into the night

I'll always feel you right beside me

You gave me strength

You set me free

Show me your lights tonight

How they glitter like starlight

I will stay, never flee

My soul, it calls to you

Take your place beside me

 

Your story does not end

Set free from your affliction

I will carry your legacy

Become your absolution

Carry you with me

You are my affirmation

Your story does not end

Embedded deep inside of me

Carry you with me

You are my affirmation

You are my revolution

Chapter 2: Calmness

Notes:

No fandom here, just real life.

I laid my heart and soul at your feet,

Drawn in by charm that felt so sweet.

A cheap beer bottle, a clinking glass,

Your smile, once true, began to pass.

 

The warnings were there, a chilling truth,

Deep in your soulless stare, without ruth.

Pretty words spun to prevent my escape,

From moment one, you sealed my harsh fate.

 

The cage's cold steel, now firmly locked,

Or so you ignorantly thought.

I'd be your eternal slave,

Trapped inside your endless grave.

 

I pictured a life, lighter and bright,

Filled with hope and joy, a guiding light.

Then the bottle hit the floor, a sudden, sharp crash,

All your built-up lies turned quickly to ash.

 

My screams could not be silenced,

Met with your venom and raw violence.

Your hands wrapped around my neck,

All I wanted was to press reset.

 

As darkness consumed, a calm mind took hold,

A cold, clear logic, fearlessly bold.

I saw with precision, how I could reverse the plight,

And smother your life, extinguish your light.

But a whisper within, a small, quiet plea,

Said this wasn't the monster I wanted to be.

 

With a sudden, fierce shove, I broke from your hold,

And bolted outside, shaking, weak, and cold.

Chapter 3: Body

Summary:

A day in the life of a person with chronic illness, simplified.

Eyes open, my heart rate soars

The chime of an alarm shrill in already screaming ears

The world’s still dark, safe inside my room

There’s snow before my eyes, even when closed

Tiny snaps, like brittle twigs underfoot

My spine is decompressing, it doesn’t all feel good

Shoulder is weak, aching and stinging

As I reach for the phone to silence the alarm

Already, my limbs are heavy

Sleep did not take away the exhaustion

I roll onto my back, shifting my leg

The movement feels like pulling a log through wet clay

It shifts and turns, detangling from a web of veins and muscle

Slowly, it slides, almost in place

It’s good enough for now, never perfect

With a roll, I’m on my feet, reaching for my clothes

Shirt above my head, my collar bone, shoulder, and an elbow all snap and grind

Pain is sharp and precise. They will swell without ice

I don’t have time

Even as nausea builds, I stumble to the living room

A sip of water, some food for the cat

It’s time to put my daily armor on.

First my wrists and hands, then my elbows and the worse of my shoulders

Then both knees, followed by my ankles and arches

Everything must be wrapped in tight compression

Or I risk more injury just walking

Shoes on and keys in hand,

I angle my chin, pop my neck

It echoes in the room around me, but it’s nothing new

I roll the windows down, and turn the stereo up

The cool air won’t last long

I struggle to keep my eyes open, stay between the lines

The curves make my stomach dance

I nearly have to pull off the road

My fingers fumble at the store lock

I’m weak today

The coffee brews, the register loads

It’s time to pretend to be happy when the first customer comes

I move swiftly, covering my instability with dance like moves

It’s all a fake persona I created, to make others comfortable around me

I don’t want to hear it, not one more comment about yoga or herbal tea

They don’t get it, how easy it is to injure me

And the diets? Oh forget it! None of them take into account all my allergies

I sip at my water, then gulp as the sweat begins to pour

Thirty ounces down now, I might be ready for more.

There’s no time for a break, but I can grab a bag of salty chips

A bottle of flavored electrolyte water serves as dessert

There’s trash to be changed and shelves to be stocked

My co-worker won’t lift a finger to help

She sees wrinkle-less skin, thinks I’m healthy and younger than I claim

She’s ten years younger, and flirting with boys is all she gets paid to do

Not wanting to be blamed for her laziness, I push myself to do the tasks

Then take a seat for just a short rest

Not even five minutes goes by before she’s asking for her break

It’s a thirty-minute call to one of her boyfriends, coupled with smoking a joint

I would complain, but it hasn’t done any good so far

She shows up an hour late and acts like a little diva

At least I know I’ll have time to drown in my music, the customers coming in slowly

Until I have a line to the back wall, and she refuses to answer my calls

The act I put on earlier is all gone

Person after person sees me raw

I need to use the toilet. I need to eat again.

The line is gone before she comes back, and I leave to tend to my needs

My spine feels like someone is pressing an ice cold poker into it

My knees shake, ready to give out.

Without looking, I know my feet are red and swollen with blood

Customers put up cases of beer, with the bar code on the bottom.

They look at me like I’m being a problem when I ask them to turn it over

“You’ve got hands and arms, don’t you?” one ass hole replies

It’s like he can’t see how I’m covered in bandages at all

“Just go on disability.” is a common answer they give

Disability isn’t enough to live on, and the law says I can work because I have been

I’m drowning in my own sweat and stink

I have no one at home, waiting to help me bathe, eat, or change my clothes

The shower head doesn’t work, and a bath is dangerous now

When I hobble into my trailer at the end of the day, I force myself to change clothes before I sit

The weight of the fabric is enough to make me cry

I need to make dinner. I need to get up and get another glass of water.

I need to take that damn bath

But, there’s escape in the written word. I devour story after story online

Listening to music, I get a hit of inspiration and begin to write

A whole world opens up in my mind, filled with action, moral quandaries, and, yes, smut

I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting there, my eyes open to a darkened room

The laptop has shut down, battery dead

I slowly push myself to stand again, my muscles and bones heavy, but my mind finally clear

While the bath fills, I shove down an energy bar and a glass of milk for dinner

The cold water feels good in this heat

I’m still damp as I fall into bed

Thoughts race, keeping me awake for at least an hour more

My eyes open. Heart rate has shot up again. The alarm on my phone is grating.

Notes:

yeah, this is pretty much my daily routine.

Chapter 4: My Favorite Kind of Dark

Notes:

One shot, not edited.

Slightly inspired by "Perfect Machine," "Let it Die," and "Ricochet" by STARSET.

You’re my favorite kind of dark

The kind that makes me feel alive

I turn the pages of your eyes

Into the depths I will dive

 

A hint of gold in the shadows

Tiny little hope dances in the night

Drowning in a sea of pain

You linger in shards of light

 

Though the sun shines so bright

I feel a cold sink into my bone

Your innocence is long gone

Leaving you all alone

 

I have no hope to give

Optimism serves no one here

It’s the hardest truth I’ve learned

And I can see it so clear

 

Touch is broken, gone

Foreign to your unloved skin

You only want to be loved

To reach out is only sin

 

You’re my favorite kind of dark

The kind that makes me feel alive

I want to mend your heart

And fill it full of my lies

 

If only to save your breath

Keep your fragile heart beating

Show you a world that never was

And keep you believing

 

I’ll tell you what you want to hear

Show you what you need to see

For one more taste of your lips

I’ll ruin myself, weak and bleeding

 

But you won’t see my pain

I’ll never let you see

Give you all of my life

And keep you here with me.

 

I’ll sew your hurt with my hands

Kiss every stitch with my lips

Watch the bruises fade away

The fibers of your skin knits

 

‘Cause you’re my favorite kind of dark

The kind that makes me feel alive

You set a purpose in my heart

From me, you can never hide

 

You try to lock it all away

Behind the laughter you just wait and hide

Telling lies to shield you from the pain

Another mark on you, I can’t abide

 

One day you’ll find your heart of gold

It lays shattered deep within your soul

I see it glitter like stars within the night

One day I hope to see it grow

 

Want to see it grow wings and fly

Find the light you hide inside

You are worthy of so much more

I don’t know how to even try

 

But you’re my favorite kind of dark

The kind that makes me feel alive

You remind me there is more to life

Than just the will to survive

 

You’re my favorite kind of dark

Your sadness wraps me in a cold embrace

The kind that makes me want to stay alive

Long enough to see a smile on your face