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Jack knew everybody’s secrets. Or, at least he could, if he wanted to. This was why it felt so unfair to be keeping secrets from Morrigan, but at the same time, it felt liberating.
Everybody knew that Jack hadn’t always been Jack. The staff at the hotel had known him since he was young, and obviously, so had Uncle Jove. His parents hadn’t even had the chance to know him as Jack. So when Morrigan came along, and she didn’t wonder if he was a girl, he felt like he was on top of the world. Then they became friends, and his secret started to weigh heavily on him.
Morrigan told him everything—she trusted him, yet he was afraid to tell her this one important thing about himself. Uncle Jove had assured him that it wasn’t an issue, that he should come out on his terms and his terms only, but it still lingered in the back of his mind, festering.
What he absolutely had not wanted was to be outed to Morrigan; but of course, that was just his luck.
Neither Jack nor Morrigan were quite sure what this party was supposed to be celebrating, but they weren’t going to complain if it meant they could participate in one of their favorite pastimes. They sat perched on the top of the spiral staircase, Jack squinting his eyes at the crowd.
“The Stink.” Jack pointed at a man with a shaved head who was dancing to the upbeat music that blared from the speakers.
Morrigan shot up. “What? Where?” Her eyes scanned the area where Jack had pointed. “Are they here for Jupiter?”
Jack shook his head. “No. He’s off duty. He’s just… here for the party.”
Morrigan made a face. “Can they do that?”
Jack shrugged and then winced as the motion made it feel like his binder was crushing his ribs. He hadn’t taken it off since early in the morning. Uncle Jove wouldn’t be happy about that.
“What about her?” Morrigan asked, pointing somewhere in the crowd. Jack wasn’t paying attention to anything but his breathing right now. He was lightheaded and shaking. He felt restricted, not able to inhale completely. How had he not noticed this before? Why now?
“Um…” Jack tried to ignore the way his vision blurred when he moved his torso. He needed to find an excuse to get out of here, fast. “Who?”
Morrigan turned to face him, and he didn’t need to look at her to know she was watching him closely now. “The one in the pink sequins,” she finally said. “Jack, are you alright?”
Jack was not, in fact, alright. The world around him became messier and frantic. He reached up for his eyepatch and shoved it back over his eye. He was sure Morrigan was saying his name now, looking for the problem, but he couldn’t focus on anything but the way he was suffocating. He was going to pass out because he was too stupid to take a binder break—
A hand landed on his shoulder, and he knew immediately that it wasn’t Morrigan’s.
“Jack?” Jack looked up through teary eyes and saw a blur of ginger. Shakily, he raised a hand and pointed at his chest. He knew Uncle Jove would understand.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with him. He just started breathing like that, and I don’t know what happened—” Morrigan rambled. She only seemed to stop because Jupiter held up a hand to cut her off.
“I think you ought to sit this one out, Mog. I’ll handle it,” Jupiter said as he helped Jack stand up. Morrigan followed, protesting as Jupiter guided Jack down the hall towards his bedroom.
“What? Jupiter, I want to help! What’s happening? Did he see something bad?”
Jupiter shot Morrigan a meaningful look, and she stopped in her tracks, looking dejected.
They made it to Jack’s room fairly quickly, but in Jack’s opinion, not quickly enough. He started fumbling with his button-up shirt, but his hands were too shaky to unbutton anything. This only added to his panic, which didn’t help with his inability to take a full breath.
“Uncle Jove,” Jack gasped. Jupiter stopped his nervous pacing and rushed over to Jack, helping to unbutton his shirt as respectfully as possible. In less than a minute, Jack was able to shrug his shirt off and reach his binder. Jupiter turned to face away as Jack folded his binder and began shuffling it off of his chest.
The relief that he felt when he was able to pull it over his head was incomparable. The ache at the bottom of his ribs still lingered, but he no longer felt like he was suffocating. While grabbing his discarded button-up and using it to cover his chest, he took in great big gulps of air like it was his first time breathing.
“You haven’t broken a rib, have you?” Jupiter asked nervously, bouncing on his heels.
“No, I don’t think so.” Jack felt along his ribs to check, but besides the fact that it felt like bruises were forming, he was sure he hadn’t broken a bone.
“Good.” Jupiter clapped his hands together. “Can I turn around now?”
Jack nodded, and then, realizing that Jupiter couldn’t see him, verbalized his permission.
“Is there anything else that I can do for you, Jack? A change of clothes? A nice, hot bath? A cup of tea?”
Jack shook his head. “I’m alright, thanks.” Then he reconsidered. “What about Morrigan?”
Jupiter quirked an eyebrow. “What about Morrigan?”
“She doesn’t know that I’m trans.”
Jupiter made an ‘O’ shape with his mouth. “I can make sure she won’t ask you any questions, if that’s what you want. This is all on your terms. Remember that.”
“No,” Jack sighed. “I’m going to tell her.”
“Are you sure? I know that these things are hard for you.”
“She deserves to know.”
“You do know you don’t owe anyone your coming out. Not telling people doesn’t make you a liar.” It was like Jupiter took the thoughts right out of Jack’s brain. It was possible he very well had seen what he was thinking, considering his abilities as a Witness. Jack pondered this for a moment.
“I’ll think about it, then.”
“Good,” the ginger said, clapping him on his bare shoulder. “Are you sure you don’t need anything?” His hand hovered over the doorknob.
“I’m sure. I just want to be alone, I think.”
Jupiter honored his request, shutting the door behind him. Jack was fairly sure he could hear Jupiter reassuring Morrigan about what had happened. He let the button-up drop to his side, looked down at his chest, and sighed.
Soon after, Jack fell asleep. He hadn’t meant to, but he was surprisingly exhausted, and his bed had been far too comfortable to turn down the warm embrace of slumber. He was grateful he at least had the sense to change into his pajamas beforehand.
He wasn’t surprised to find a note in his room along with a tray of breakfast, reading, ‘Let’s talk tonight. My office. -J.N.’ Jack did not doubt that it was going to be a lesson in binder safety, as it wasn’t the first time that particular conversation had arisen. But the note also implied that Jupiter was going to be out for the day, leaving Jack to his own devices. After eating breakfast, he decided very quickly what he was going to do.
It didn’t take Jack long to find Morrigan—she was in the Smoking Parlor by herself with a game of cards prepared in front of her.
“Are you playing by yourself?” Jack asked, and Morrigan jumped.
“You scared me,” Morrigan grumbled. “And no, I’m not. I’m just waiting for somebody to play with.”
Jack nodded. “I’ll play with you.” He sat down opposite her, cross-legged. They began to play in silence, with the occasional groan from the loser or quiet cheer from the winner, but Jack could tell Morrigan was aching to ask questions. Eventually, Jack spoke up.
“I was having trouble breathing because I wore my binder for too long.”
“Your what?” Morrigan asked, perking up.
“My chest binder.” He motioned at his chest. “It presses the tissue back so that nobody can see it. Because I was born a girl.”
“Oh.” Morrigan seemed to consider this for a while. “But you’re not anymore?”
Jack nodded.
“Did you change because you wanted to, or did that just… happen to you?”
Jack snorted. “Do you think I just woke up one morning and I suddenly wasn't a girl anymore?”
“No,” Morrigan said defensively. Jack rolled his eyes.
“People say it’s like a boy being born in a girl’s body,” Jack explained. “To make yourself happy, you have to make the outside look like how you feel on the inside. If that makes any sense.” He shrugged nonchalantly as if he hadn’t been anxious about this exact conversation for months.
“Huh. I guess so,” Morrigan said. Then she slammed her card down and grinned. “I win.”
Jack scowled. “That’s not fair.”
“Yes, it is!”
Any anxiety that Jack had about coming out to Morrigan faded as they argued about the card game and made jabs at each other that they didn’t truly mean. He wasn’t necessarily looking forward to his lecture from Uncle Jove, but his high spirits wouldn’t be dimmed. Jack was a boy, and nobody questioned it.