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Sirius Black is not morning person.
He's never been one, and he probably won't ever become one in the future. He absolutely loves sleeping, and going to bed late. He's a night owl.
But, regardless of all that, Sirius Orion Black wakes up every day at six in the morning, three hours before classes, two hours before breakfast, and an hour before his friends wake up for the day.
He takes a short shower, uses a frankly absurd quantity of products on his hair to make it look good —most of them courtesy of Fleamont Potter, the best potion maker to ever exist— dries said hair, dresses, and does his makeup.
He's almost always still in the bathroom —usually putting on concealer— by the time James wakes up, who is the actual morning person in their group. Sirius isn't a functional human being yet by this point, and only manages to hum as some sort of reciprocation to his best friend's enthusiastic 'Good morning, Padfoot!"
After James goes Peter, most of the time while Sirius is applying his mascara, after having done his eyeliner. They both need to use the sink to brush their teeth, and Sirius is exiled to a small corner to continue his routine.
Lastly, Remus wakes up. Sirius is putting his highlighter by this point, and is actually able to murmur a sleepy 'Morning, moons.' when he enters the bathroom.
But, despite Sirius being the first to wake up, he is always somehow the last to finish preparing, and has to be waited more often than not.
This routine, however, hasn't always been like this.
Sirius discovered makeup when he was thirteen, at the start of his fourth year at Hogwarts. He started only using a bit of mascara for special occasions, and slowly incorporated the whole routine every day. As an hour wasn't nearly enough anymore, he started to wake up earlier and earlier as time went on. He is currently thinking of waking at half past five, but hasn't made the decision yet.
The only change in this morning routine are weekends, because Sirius does indulge himself sleeping in then. His friends have long since accepted that going to breakfast with him isn't an option, and just wait for him in the Griffindor table.
But today, a Friday of November's sixth year at Hogwarts, Sirius woke up at six and is still making his friends wait for him at the door of their dorm.
"Come on, pads. You look fine." James' voice sounds from somewhere outside the bathroom, where Sirius is trying to make something remotely decent with his hair, because is is not behaving today.
His patience comes to an end, and Sirius throws it in a messy bun and runs to grab his tie. "I do not, but thanks for trying." He sighs, finally making to their door just as Remus is finally opening.
"You look fine." Is Peter's time to groan this time. Remus is just pitching the bridge of his nose in annoyance.
"My hair is a mess." Sirius retorts as they reach the Great Hall, already full. They approach an empty space next to Mary, Lily and Marlene. Sirius takes the seat next to Mary, with Remus by his side. James and Peter sit in front of them.
"Oh, for God's sake-" Remus lets out, exasperated. "Lily, what do you think of Sirius' hair?"
Lily frowns, confused. "It's in a bun?" She answers, raising an eyebrow.
"A pretty cute one, by the way." Mary adds by his side.
"See? Now shut up and eat your breakfast." James says, pointing at him with his fork.
Sirius rolls his eyes, but does grab a toast, albeit a bit offended.
Just then, the morning's mail arrives from the windows. Hundreds of owl's descending to their tables, leaving letters and gifts all around. But, as he looks at them, Sirius tenses all over when he recognizes Mother's owl in the midst of birds.
He must let out some kind of noise, because Remus turns to look at him with concern.
Mother's owl stops graciously in front of him, and deposits a small, black rectangle in his plate.
A howler. Lovely.
Sirius sighs, more in annoyance than anything, and opens it.
**
James doesn't see the howler being delivered, and thus lets out a startled yelp when Walburga's loud and angry stretching starts sounding out of nowhere. Same tone as always, same hatred, same volume. The only difference this time is that James can't recognize the language, which means she choosing to yell at Sirius in french this time.
Sirius looks entirely unimpressed by the whole thing, snorting here and there but mostly rolling his eyes in annoyance. James thinks only the one Sirius Black could be bored while being yelled at in the middle of a very public space.
Remus, Lily and Marlene are looking positively murderous at the offending object, let that be for its volume or for Sirius it's a another question. James thinks is a bit of both.
Peter, Mary and James himself are displaying a mix of caution fro Sirius' reaction and a quiet, resigned sort of anger. A bit more far from them, Frank and Alice are staring at him with blunt concern.
"Ugh, doesn't she get tired of-" Sirius annoyed remark gets swiftly cut off with whatever that bitch says next, and James feels his blood boil at the small flinch Sirius makes.
Whatever she is saying now, it has to be really fucking cruel. Because Sirius has endured this stuff since he was a baby, and he is still paling as he listens to her angry words. James is just about to grab Sirius' arm and take him far away from the horrible object, when it stops talking with a harsh-sounding sentence.
Silence fills the Great Hall, but a loud cough from Minnie is getting all of them talking again in no time.
Sirius shallows, looking at the howler's ashes with something crude and hurt in his eyes. He blinks, seemingly going back to himself, and gives them an easy-going smile. "I'll see you at charms, okay?" And rises from the table.
"Wait, Pads. You didn't-" James starts, grabbing his arm.
"I'm not hungry." He replies, and it would be convincing if his skin wasn't white as a plate at the moment.
Just as he is about to leave again, a dark haired boy slightly taller than him stops in front of Sirius.
**
"Reggie." Sirius gasps in panic, because his brother does unfortunately speak french, and thus has understood everything dear mother just said. "Ne leur dis pas ce qu'elle a dit, s'il te plaît." Don't tell them what she said, please.
Regulus drags a hand through his hair, and sighs. "Ok, mais ne l'écoute pas, d'accord ? Elle a dit-" Okay, but don't listen to her, understood? She said-"
"Oui, oui. Merci, petit étoile. Salut." Yes, yes. Thanks, little star. Bye. He rushes to say, not waiting for Regulus to say anything else.
Sirius gets to the nearest bathroom and looks himself in the mirror, Mother's voice sounding everywhere in his head.
And you've gained weight, Sirius. It's incredibly embarrassing.
Thank Merlin he put his water-proof mascara today.
**
Sirius deflects with a scary efficiency any and all attempts to get him to talk about this morning. Remus is frustrated. Even fucking McGonagall tried, just to walk away without so much as an admission that it happened at all.
Remus is frustrated and concerned.
Classes have ended for the day, and they are all in a secluded corner inn the common room, some of them doing their homework (read: Remus, Lily and Peter) and the rest talking quietly or, in Sirius' case, napping with his head in Remus' lap.
Lily gave him a long, knowing look when she saw, but Remus is choosing to ignore it. Remus has a little crush —yes, James, he said little— on Sirius, but he doesn't think at all that he has an actual chance. Sirius hasn't shown any interest in being more than his friend, and that's alright.
Remus isn't actually scared Sirius would mind if he knew about Remus' feelings, because it just isn't like him, but Remus just doesn't want to get into that mess.
Speaking of the devil, Sirius rises from his spot with a yawn and grins sleepily at him. "Hi, moony."
"Hi, Padfoot." He replies, amused.
"Look who's awake!" Marlene taunts, smirking. Sirius lifts her his middle finger and is about to rub at his eyes before seemingly remembering he has makeup on.
They banter for a bit, before changing the conversation to something about kinds of firewhiskey. Remus doesn't drink, so the thing escapes his are of expertise.
"Ughhh-" Mary suddenly groans, head slumping over her half-finished essay. "Could you guys be useful for once and pull some shit off so we don't have to do our aritmathy test on Monday?"
"Aye aye, captain." Peter dutifully says. "Marauders, we have a mission. Prank brainstorming, quick!"
"What about…a chair that teleports you to another chair when you sit on it?" James offers. Sirius hasn't woken up enough to contribute in any way yet.
"Continue." Remus nods, after considering it for a few seconds.
"So, my uncle is dating this guy who has a shop of furniture, and he sells a kind of chair that-" James explains, a glint of mischief shining brightly in his eyes.
"Wait, wait- go back. Is that a thing?" Sirius gasps, aghast and extremely confused "A guy dating another guy?"
They all stop for a second, in shock. Remus' heart skips a beat.
"I- yeah, Pads. It is. It's not really well seen in the muggle world, but it's pretty common here." James explains slowly, his bewilderment morphing slowly into horrified realization. "Did you not know that?"
Sirius' mouth is wide open, and he needs a couple of second to answer. "No, I- Godric's beard this is amazing." A wide smile sets itself in his face. "I can date boys? This is the best day of my life. How does it work? Is there a potion to magically have babies? Can girls also date other girls? Merlin, I can date boys!"
Remus doesn't know what to feel at the moment because, well, Sirius' rambling will never not be adorable, but the circumstances aren't specially joyful.
"There isn't-" Lily starts to answer, just for Sirius to cut her off when a new round of questions seemingly attacks his mind. Remus sees her take a big, deliberate breath to stop herself from snapping at him.
"Can I shag with boys too, or is shagging only a girl's thing? Why don't books talk about boys shagging boys more? Does falling in love with a boy feel different from falling for a girl? Because if it doesn't then I-"
"Padfoot, breathe. One question at a time." Peter manages to say.
"Oh, right!" He says, smile never leaving his face. He looks genuinely ecstatic. He runs a hand trough his long hair as he struggles to chose only one thing to ask. "Since when?" He settles on.
Mary frowns. "Since when what, Sirius?"
"Since when can you do this? Or, has it always been a thing?" He clarifies.
"It's always been a thing." Remus answers this time, and he sees clear as a day as Sirius' entire face turns red as a tomato as he seemingly registers Remus has been by his side this whole time.
"And, about what you said earlier, homosexual relationships can't reproduce. They can, however, adopt or get someone's help to have a biological baby from one of them. That is, unless one of them is transgender, in which case reproduction is possible." Lily's explanation doesn't seem to help Sirius much, because he looks even more confused than before.
"Hold on, homosexual." He repeats. "What is that? What is transgender? I- Lily those were way too many difficult words."
"Homosexual is how people who like the same gender are called." James chimes in again. "Have you heard the terms 'gay' and 'lesbian'? Gay is a guy who likes guys, and lesbian the same but with girls."
"Wha-" Sirius blinks, getting overwhelmed by the second. "It has a name?" He seems to precess everything James says, and his shoulder's slump in disappointment. "Oh, you can only like either girls or boys?"
"Oh, No!" Mary rushes to explain. "You absolutely can like both, is called bisexual. And you can also not like either, but that's a bit more hard to explain."
"I can date boys and girls?" Sirius asks, with such hope and happiness in his voice Remus is going to melt.
"You can, yeah." James says, before swallowing. "Your parents never mentioned you any of this, right?"
"No, they- ohh they probably didn't want me to know at all, right?" He says, not really surprised. "That tracks. Because of the whole not reproducing thing."
If Sirius' parents' ever end up in the same room as Remus, they are not getting out alive. His friend's expressions tell him they are thinking similar things.
"I like girls. And I'm pretty bold with it. How did you not notice that?" Marlene asks, a bit offended.
"I thought it was admiration." Sirius mumbles absentmindedly. "Am I annoying you a bit too much or can I keep asking questions?"
"Sirius, ask as many questions as you want." Remus tells him as sincerely as he can.
"Great." He says, grin firmly back on his face. "What was the other word you said, Lily?"
"Transgender," She begins, "Are people who identify as something other than the sex they were born with. Trans men are men who have vaginas, for example. You can also not identify as either of them, and some other things, but if you want to know more about that a book would explain it better than me."
"Ohh, cool. " He nods. "And- the not liking either thing?
Peter is the one who answers this time. "It's like, in two categories." He starts, weighting his words. "Asexual is when you don't want to shag with someone, and arromantic is when you don't want to date someone. You can do both, one, or neither. But, like Lily said, a book will explain that better than me."
"This is all so cool." He he declares, somehow even more astounded than before. "Like, I can date boys." His smile is practically glowing, and he turns to look at James, who nods fondly at him.
Then, Sirius looks back at Remus, and his eyes widen. His cheeks turn incredibly flustered. "Oh, shit-" He says, suddenly having the need to aggressively fuss with his hair in panic, seemingly trying to fix it. "Hi. Moony. How are you? The whether is nice, isn't it? Not as nice as you but- No, wait, forget I said that. Not that I think you aren't nice, but maybe it was a bit too much and- Merlin, I'm making a total fool of myself. I'm sorry, I don't-"
"Sirius." Remus fondly stops him, helplessly amused.
"Would you like to go on a date with me?" He says in one breath, face turning impossibly redder. "You don't have to say yes, of course. I don't know why I even asked. I'm sorry. Forget it. I just like you a lot and I just discovered that dating you is even a possibility and I-"
"I would love to, Sirius." Remus kindly interrupts him again.
"Oh." Sirius lets out, smile growing to something bloody ethereal. "Oh Merlin." He gasps, putting a hand in his mouth while kicking his feet and laughing maniacally.
"I think a bit of fresh air will do you good." James chuckles, grabbing Sirius' shoulders and guiding him out of the dorm. Sirius doesn't seem to care much, high in happiness as he is. Remus can hear him excited tell James over and over again 'I got a date with moony' as they exit through the portrait.
"He's a mess." He feels himself say.
"Oh, you are down bad." Lily laughs at him, and Remus nods. Because he is.
"That was frankly adorable." Mary starts, pointing at Remus' general direction. "But, am I the only one whose homicidal urges just expanded to dangerous points?"
"Oh, not at all." Marlene nods. "His parent's are dead. Like, no fucking way."
"Yeah, and like- I've noticed other things, too." Lily sighs, looking at him and Peter as if asking a silent question.
Remus softly shakes his head. "Not ours to share, Lils."
"Yeah, but we can admit that those scumbags aren't short on reasons to deserve a painful, slow death." Peter darkly says, crossing his arms.
Little did they know, there was another aspect of The Black's parenting methods that would start to show its ugly head soon enough.
**
A couple of weeks have passed since Sirius found out that liking boys was an option, and James is elated to see that his nest friends are finally dating. Like, he didn't doubt fro a second that Sirius liked Remus back. He just thought he was a really oblivious idiot.
Today, a lazy Sunday, Sirius is late for breakfast again. It's not a rare occurrence at all for him to sleep in on weekends, but he's gotten the bad habit of skipping meals lately. James is frustrated, Peter is angry, and Remus is livid with it.
They've just entered the first wave of exams, so James isn't terribly concerned. Sirius is prone to forgetting about things when hes focused. But, still. It's an issue.
They've argued quite a bit about it, so James is pretty confident Sirius will show up at some point.
Lily and Marlene haven't said anything to him, because they say Sirius is old enough to take care of himself. But, well, James likes to look out for him. Sirius has done enough taking care of people fro a lifetime —because he basically raised his brother— and definitely hasn't been taken cared for in a long time, so James is happy to indulge him a bit.
Not much later, Sirius finally joins them at the table. He murmurs a sleepy 'morning' and then proceeds to use Remus' shoulder as a pillow.
James can see Remus physically restraining himself from melting in that fond, dumb, sweet smile that only Sirius manages to get out of him. Instead, he presses a kiss to his head and pushes a plate in front of him. "Coming here doesn't mean you aren't skipping breakfast if you sleep the whole time, Pads. Eat your toast."
"I'd rather eat you" He murmurs sleepily as he straightens up in his seat, grabbing the toast an taking a bite out of it. Remus ducks his head to hide his probably wild blush, and Sirius sends him a sly smirk.
James narrows his eyes. Sirius looks as pretty as always, of course, but something feels off with him today. He looks more..tired, somehow. Exhausted, even.
Mary, who was also narrowing his eyes, seems to realize what's changed. "Oh! God, Sirius. It's been like a year since I last saw you without make up. You look go-"
"Wait, wha-" Sirius interrupts her, touching his face. "Fuck, shit- what is wrong with me today? Sorry guys, I have to go. I'll get back in a sec." He flashes them one of his most charming smiles and tries to get up from the table, just to be completely stopped by his much physically stronger than him boyfriend.
"Nope, you are not." Remus declares, with a tone of voice that assures that he won't accept any complaints. "You spend over an hour to prepare every morning, breakfast will be over by the time you finish."
Sirius is visibly growing agitated by the second. "No- Moony, I need to go back and- I didn't even fixed my hair."
"Sweetheart, you look perfect." Remus stresses, looking at him like seeing Sirius so unsure about himself physically pains him.
Sirius shakes his head sharply, and James decides do speak up as well. "Pads, I swear, you're pretty with and without makeup."
"None of us are wearing any makeup either, Sirius." Lily says next, with a softness in her voice that isn't often directed at him.
"Besides," Mary chimes in, "We are drowning in exams, I haven't looked in a mirror in days."
"It's not- can you just leave it, please?" He pleads, and James can see him dig his nails in his forearms. "I don't want to be here without having fixed myself up."
"Padfoot, it's breakfast, not a bloody interview." Peter sighs, a mix of frustration and sadness on his eyes.
"I know but it's- I'm just used to it." Sirius retorts, and ticks a strand of hair behind his ear. "Not doing makes me feel…weird. I fix myself up before breakfast every morning at Grimmauld." He tries to explain, and James feels the anger burning beneath his skin. Of course, his parents had something to do with this.
"Okay," Remus starts, seemingly putting a lot of effort into swallowing his own anger. Sirius is upset enough as he is, so it's a good idea. "You were used to say mudblood in first year, because you didn't know it hurt people, and you got rid of it quickly. Now, why should it be different when it's you that the habit is hurting?"
"Because- they are completely different things! Doing my makeup isn't a fucking pure-blood supremacist trait. It's doesn't hurt me to do it!" Sirius exclaims, annoyed.
"It is, right now." Marlene raises her eyebrow. "It is keeping you from eating, which is hurtful."
"I still think they aren't comparable." Sirius crosses his arms.
"When your parents taught you to call muggle-borns mudbloods, they were forcing you act like they wanted you to be seen." Lily starts, all fire in her eyes. "And, when they made you 'fix' yourself up before leaving your room every morning, they did the same exact thing."
Sirius shallows, and James takes his silence as a cue to keep going. "The only difference is who it affects. In the first one they people you called it, and in the second you."
"Okay." Sirius blinks. "You might have a point."
"We sure do, now eat your toast." Mary declares, smug smirk in her face.
"Ugh." Sirius groans, but does keep eating breakfast. "This is torture. My image is forever ruined."
"It is not." His boyfriend replies. "You're always gorgeous."
Sirius' face turns incredibly red, and he dissolved into a puddle of incoherent noises at the compliment.
Remus sends him a fond —but still sad, because Sirius not knowing how to take compliments is a tragedy— look, and Ruffles his hair softly.
James raises an eyebrow at the rest of their friends, and they all nod in determination.
They are going to get that shit out of his head, one way or another.
**
Next Friday, Remus convinces him to go in his pajamas —face washed, and with his hair in a really messy bun— to the common room. It's basically empty except for their group, which is honestly the only reason why Sirius even considered the whole thing.
There's no way he's being seen by their entire house like this, let alone the whole school. Breakfast the other day was enough for a lifetime, thank you very much.
"You are being really dramatic, Sirius. You look good." James rolls his eyes, and Sirius sends him a glare.
"I am not." He hisses just as they get to the common room. The girls are already there, and Sirius chooses the best seat in the sofa. Remus' lap.
"Love, you are stunning." Remus says distractedly, grabbing his potion's book.
Sirius feels his entire face heat up, and flips James off when he laughs at him for becoming so flustered. "Stop. You are my boyfriend. I think is illegal for you to tell me I look bad."
"I, a lesbian, think you look fine." Marlene declares.
"You are a liar, and what was lesbian again?" Sirius instantly replied.
"It means she likes girls only. And she's not lying." Lily joins in as well.
"She is. My hair is a mess, my eye bags are terrifying, I feel naked without my eyeliner and-"
"Sirius, shut up!" Peter suddenly snaps, and he looks angry. "You're fucking gorgeous, and people are always telling you that! Can you just try to listen to yourself for a second? Because it's fucking exhausting."
"What-" Sirius gasps, but Peter isn't done.
"No! You are always talking about all these things you have to do, but the rest of us aren't doing them! We don't do our forty-six steps makeup routine every morning, we don't spend an hour fussing over our hair, we don't show up dressed to a Saturday's breakfast, and we don't need a fucking lecture to eat three bloody meals a day! I am not skinny or pretty, and I know it. But you speaking about beauty standards that I don't meet all the fucking time is not a remainder of it I need!" Peter lets out, his harsh breathing the only thing filling the silence.
As soon as his brain has processed it, Sirius bolts to his feet and sits in front of Peter in the floor. His eyes are wet, and Sirius grabs his hand. "No! No, no- Pete." He almost sobs, shaking his head. "Listen to me very fucking carefully."
Peter nods, a bit stunned.
"You are beautiful." He starts, forcing as much honesty as he can in his voice. "And I have never thought anything but that. You are beautiful exactly as you are, just as you would be another way. Peter, I promise you. You don't need to do the things I do, because you are gorgeous without doing anything. I'm thankful, every day, for being able to call someone as amazing as you my friend. Because you are beautiful in every and all ways. Please, Pete, believe it." Sirius pleads.
"Pads." Peter finally bursts in tears, and grabs Sirius in a hug. Sirius holds him as hard as he can.
"I love you. I love you as you are and in any other way you could be." Sirius murmurs into his hair. "All the things I do- they are because I'm not like you. I am not beautiful in all ways, I am only good enough in one. And- to get it I need makeup, and I need my hair to look good, and don't gain weight and-"
"Sirius, what? That's not-" He hears Remus say somewhere behind him.
"-a lot of other things. All of them to be beautiful on the outside, at least. But you, oh Pete, you have that by breathing. I promise you." Sirius finishes, ignoring the interruption.
Peter detaches from him sending him a teary smile, and then buries his head back in Sirius' shoulder. "Okay Pads, I believe you."
"Yeah, Peter. You are really pretty." James assures. "But Pads, you said- you are also beautiful."
Sirius shallows, because he really doesn't want to turn the conversation back to himself. "It's Wormy's moment."
"Yeah, it is, but you explained it all pretty well." Mary kindly says, sending Peter a smile when he pulls himself from Sirius.
When Peter seems to process the emotional impact of everything, he frowns at Sirius with a concerned face. "Yeah, thanks Pads, really. But, you don't need to do things to look good either."
"I- It's complicated. And I think it's still Pete time. We should shower him in praises all night to make sure he understands." Sirius argues. "I'll start, his eyes are really pre-"
"Sirius." Lily speaks for the first time in a while, voice firm.
Sirius deflates. "We are having a Peter's appreciation day at some point, though."
"We are." Remus promises, making the blonde form a pleased but embarrassed smile. "But I think you are carrying a bit more dangerous thoughts right now."
Sirius sighs, and crosses his arms. "I already understand fixing myself up every morning is a bad habit and blah blah blah." He waved his hand in dismissal.
"I think you should stop saying 'fixing myself up', for starters." James looks at him seriously. "Because there isn't anything to fix."
Sirius rolls his eyes quite dramatically. "It's literally an English expression, Prongs. Even I know that, and I am french."
"I don't care, I think you should stop using it." Remus agrees. "The meaning is still related to fix."
"Well, It's still fitting." Sirius sighs.
"Sirius, no." Lily argued back firmly.
Sirius is growing frustrated by the second. "Look, if my family ever taught me something useful, it was how to take care of your image. I know how to make myself presentable, and I need to do all these things for it."
"Sirius, that's bullshit." Remus retorts, getting angrier by the second.
"It is not. Mother's honesty when pointing someone's flaws was useful in this aspect, because she made sure I understood. I am not pretty at all. My hair is never behaving as it should, and no amount of products will ever make it more than barely decent. My nose is slightly crooked and you can see it even when I hide it with makeup. My eye bags are always really fucking dark, my eyes are simply ugly, my chin is way to long- and a thousand things more. And that's only talking about my face. My body is unbecoming of a Black, and I put on a weight way too easily. I bite mi nails a lot, no matter how much has Mother tried to beat that shit from me, and my arms are-"
Sirius gets interrupted by two strong arms suddenly wrapping around him, pushing his face in a chest. Moony's chest. And then he feels another person joining the hug as well. And another. And another.
He can feel tears in his shoulder.
**
"Sweetheart, stop." Remus says, feeling gutted.
It has to be the worst thing Remus has ever had the dishonor of hearing. Sirius, his star, talking about himself the way his mother does.
Remus wants to kill her. No, he needs to kill her.
Maybe death is to light, even. Azkaban doesn't sound like enough either. Remus wants her in pain. He wants her in anguish.
But first he has to take the horrible, disgusting thoughts she made out of his boyfriend's head. Out of his Sirius' head.
They all joined the hug as soon as they saw Remus start it. James is crying quite profusely on Sirius' shoulder.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel worse, but I promise that these things don't include y-" Sirius starts, and Remus tightens his grip.
"No- Sirius, we know that. That's not why we are upset. You saying all of those things about yourself is what upsets us." Remus explains as firmly as he can.
"But- they are just facts?" Sirius whispers, and Remus heart breaks in a million pieces.
"No, they are not. That's all your mother talking shit." Lily bites out, her voice venomous.
"No, they are true! Mother spent hours showing me everything that I needed to fix in the mirror, and-"
"Oh, Padfoot." Peter sobs.
Sirius seems to slowly, very very slowly, start to realize something is wrong with that. Seeing all his closest friends hugging him and crying probably has something to do with it.
"That was her wanting to make you believe more horrible things, just like pure-blood supremacy." Remus rushes to explain, trying to use the small doubt they've managed to form in his mind to make Sirius listen to him.
"I- I just really can't see it any other way." He admits.
"But, can you understand at least logically that it isn't true? You just have me a speech about self-love, Siri." Peter presses.
"I- a bit?" Sirius shallows, and his voice is as unsure as it gets, but he is at least admitting it.
"Your mother is a bitch." James says, managing to stop crying in Sirius' shoulder.
"Wouldn't that make me a literal son of a bitch?" Sirius, as always takes the opportunity to make a joke.
"Sirius." Mary scolds. Marlene is way to deep in what seems to be an actual fight with herself to no go to London and murder Walburga Black right this moment.
"Okay, okay." He surrenders. "I mean- I think I get it logically, but the rest…" He trails off.
Remus sighs, and presses a kiss into his hair. "That's okay, love. We'll get there."
"Which reminds me," James starts, pulling away a bit to make Sirius look at him in the eyes. "You haven't been skipping meals on accident." He states, not even asking it.
Sirius' shoulders tense.
"It started when you go the howler." Lily realizes. "She said something to you, didn't she?"
"Mother pointed out that I've gained some weight." He admits, and, oh, Remus wants to cut her in pieces.
"She said- oh how I want to kill her." Peter lets out, absolute livid.
"It's true, though." Sirius mumbles.
"If it is, I haven't even noticed. And I'm literally your boyfriend. And, in any case, I'm going to trow back what you said to Peter, I love you as you are and I love you in every and all ways you can be." Remus tells him, with as much strength in his voice as he can gather. "You could be the heaviest man on hearth and I would still think you are the most beautiful."
"Moony, you can't just- say shit like that." Sirius exclaims, red as a tomato. He really doesn't know how to accept compliments, it seems. At least honest ones.
"I second him, by the way." James adds. "I love you no matter what."
A chorus of agreement fills the room, and Sirius turns positively crimson.
"That said," Remus makes him look at him again. "I'm going to get a lot more strict about you showing to every meal, and I suggest telling McGonagall about it."
Sirius frowns. "Why would we tell Minnie?"
"Because you have way too many chances of getting a full on eating disorders, if you haven't already. And it's really dangerous, Pads." James answers softly.
"I don't know what that is." Sirius admits.
Remus presses a kiss into his hair again. "McGonagall will probably explain it better than us, but I won't make you tell her if you really don't want to."
Sirius muses it quietly. "You are certain she would like to know?"
"Absolutely."
"Then…okay." Sirius sighs.
And Remus can't not shower him in kisses for that.
**
The next day, at about eight o'clock, Sirius enters the common room with red eyes but a somehow comforted smile in his face.
Minerva was really comforting. She listened to Sirius carefully, even looking actually hurt when he explained his current problem.
She didn't offer to take this to the authorities —because, they already had this fight when Sirius came back from Christmas with a black eye, and she knows there isn't anything they can actually do against the Black's on a trial— but she offered Sirius to go to her office whenever he wanted to talk. She also said that she'll watch if he's at meals or not, and to tell her if he can't eat with the rest some time.
His friends have started to distract him as much as they can while they eat, and Moony whispers him encouragingly when he struggles.
They've also taken to try to get him to go out the dorm without doing his makeup and hair, but that's been less successful.
At night, when his demons hint his mind more viciously, Remus holds him and kisses him sweetly, telling him over and over again how wonderful he is.
They made Peter's appreciation day an everyone's appreciation day, telling to each of them what they liked about them. Sirius ended his turn so red his face hurt.
That's another thing, casual compliments. Remus does them a lot, and Sirius just- combusts. Helplessly.
James says it is because he isn't used to being honestly praised by people close to him. Sirius thinks he just likes men a lot. Specially Moony.
Christmas hols are really soon, but Sirius isn't going back home. James is kidnapping him.
Mother has been succumbing to the family's madness lately, so it shouldn't be a problem. Regulus practically told him to fuck off to the Potter's, saying he wanted more space for himself, but Sirius knows that's him silently caring.
They both will get away from them in eleven months. The second Sirius turns seventeen.
But, in the meantime, Sirius isn't struggling as much as before.
A boyfriend, an increasing self-esteem, and a short conversation with Regulus all in one month.
Sirius smiles to himself. He thinks, distantly, that maybe everything will be okay.
Some things already are.