silent in the trees

by tylerdun

Summary:

tyler is sad
josh doesn't talk
(trees songfic)

Notes:

***MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS IN THIS FIC***

anyways enjoy and don't hate me i'm sorry

my twitter is @treesjoshier if you have any thing you want to tell me!!

Chapter 1: Trees Fic

Josh's life, Josh's meaning, his happiness all began and ended with a knock on the door. Two adults; a husband and a wife, Josh assumed. The wife was much shorter than the husband, clutching his hand in hers.

Josh watched from the top of the stairs as his mom spoke to the family. He tried his best to listen in on the conversation between the three of them, picking up some parts like "son" and "missing" and "unstable". It was enough for him to put the pieces together and, deciding he had nothing better to do, he decided to look for the "missing boy". He silently left the house through the back door.

The air was cool, making small bumps appear on Josh's arms. He stood still for a moment, scanning his backyard. It was mostly surrounded by a rather large wooded lot, the trees stretching for a mile or so.

He had roamed through the lot numerous times. It was kind of like an escape. Once he was in the woods, he was in a bubble, away from the real world. Because the real world was mean. The real world didn't understand others. The real world was hot and Josh preferred much, much colder.

Before he could even realize, he was stepping over underbrush and sticks, locating a clearing somewhere within the trees. Searching for a moment, he decided it was useless and and plopped onto the ground, with a silent 'oof'. The woods were quiet aside from the occasional shuffle of leaves or occasional bird calling to another.

It was silent; the way Josh usually preferred things.

He sat there for a while, eyes shut, listening to the wind whistle through the leaves. Everything was normal until a high pitched noise squeaked behind him, making his head perk up and spin around. The sound seemed to echo in his mind, and the more he replayed it, the more it sounded like a choked cry.

Standing up, he began to walk towards the cry, stopping when he heard a quiet gasp and saw a flash of... a face?

Picking up his pace, he crossed through a patch of trees. His heart was pounding against his ribs as he spun around, looking for the same face.

His face flushed pale as his eyes met with another pair of dark brown ones. They were wide with fear? Josh bit onto his bottom lip, keeping his mouth shut.

The fearful boy was much more than a flashing face. His eyes seemed miles deep, brimming with tears and his face held a softness that Josh couldn't explain. He was younger looking than Josh, but still looked like he was in the same age range.

But on top of the boy's near perfect face, was a mask of red cheeks and tears. The boy stared at Josh for a second before sighing heavily and sitting down.

"I thought you were my parents." He admitted, sniffling obnoxiously and wiping his nose.

Josh's heartbeat sped up. He stood in silence, look down at the crying boy, his throat feeling like it was swelling shut.

"Um, I'm Tyler." Tyler tried to break the tense silence, his voice thick with tears.

This was where Josh was expected to reply. Blood crawled up his cheeks as his mouth hung open, nothing but air crossing his lips. His hands shook as Tyler glanced up, furrowing his brow.

"Can you hear me?" He asked, his cheeks turning a tint of pink as well.

Josh nodded, holding his mouth shut with his teeth. He could see Tyler's reaction; the same as all the others. His eyes softened, feeling sorry for Josh, but his eyebrows remained knit together in confusion. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again.

Josh cautiously sat down next to the boy, sighing.

"Why aren't you talking?" He asked, as if Josh would reply. "Is your throat hurt?"

Josh shook his head.

"Can you talk?" He asked.

Josh shrugged, nodding after.

"Then, why aren't you talking?" Tyler retorted, getting slightly irritated.

Another shrug.

There was a reason why Josh was silent, but it was too much to explain, especially since he didn't talk. He hadn't talked for nearly two years, just abruptly silencing himself one day. It started out like a competition, almost, seeing how long he could go without speaking. But then, one year passed and Josh realized he preferred silence much more. He liked being able to keep his thoughts to himself. Anyone that knew him, didn't press him to talk anymore. It was the closest thing to freedom for Josh.

"Do you talk to anyone?" Tyler asked, definitely annoyed at this point.

Josh shook his head, feeling like an idiot as Tyler stared, confused.

"So, you can talk, but you don't?"

Josh nodded.

"How long do you go without talking?" Tyler continued to interrogate, his forehead still creased.

Josh held up two fingers.

"Two hours?"

Josh shook his head.

"Days? Months?"

No.

"Two years?" Tyler's eyebrows raised, interest peaking inside of him.

Finally, Josh nodded, his cheeks tinted a bright shade of red.

"That takes a lot of devotion." Tyler speculated, sighing deeply.

And then the trees fell silent again, leaving the two staring at the ground. It was almost like Tyler was waiting for Josh to crack and break the silence, but Josh had no plans on talking.

•

"You can't tell my parents that I come here." Tyler blurted out. It was the third time the two had run into each other. Each time was spent the same: Tyler would ask a few questions, get frustrated, then return to silence.

This time, Tyler broke the silence again, a twinge of urgency in his voice.

Josh lifted his head from his hand, quirking his eyebrow as if to say Do you really think I'll tell?

Tyler's chuckle was filled with tears. He shook his head, "My bad." He sighed. "It's just that I get so annoyed with them. I need somewhere to go and be alone- I don't mind that you're here though- I just want to be away from everyone- but you're okay." Tyler rambled.

Josh smiled, a blush tickling his cheeks. It was a secret victory for him considering that he had been waiting among the trees every day for Tyler to visit. Tyler didn't come every day, but Josh did, hoping he'd see the sad boy. He didn't know what was drawing him towards Tyler, but he listened to it anyway.

His smile quickly turned to frustration as he felt words push against his teeth, wanting to tumble out of his mouth. Getting to know someone was really hard when only one person talked. Josh wanted to ask so many questions about the sad, confusing beauty. He wanted to know what made him so sad, why he was always crying- but he couldn't- he wouldn't. But he wanted to so badly and his jaw was aching from clenching his teeth together so hard.

And, now Tyler was back to crying, his shoulders shuddering with each rippling sob. Josh just wanted to help. He wanted to know more about Tyler, but he had no way of asking. And he found himself, letting his throat fill with words, filling his cheeks, scratching the roof of his mouth, drumming on his teeth-

He stood up, surprising Tyler as he broke into a sprint, running deep into the woods and as far away from Tyler as possible. When he knew he was far enough away, he sat down again, breathing heavily. His eyes were spilling tears of frustration, disappointment, anger.

Over and over, he told himself to remain silent, that if he spoke again, his problems would resurface.

He swallowed the words, feeling them scrape his throat on their way down.

•

Josh went a few weeks without seeing Tyler, deciding it was best for him. Tyler made him think things that he hadn't even thought about for two years. And it terrified Josh.

But he eventually let the trees engulf him once again, walking to the spot where Tyler liked to sit.

He hadn't really expected to see Tyler there. He actually figured he would be alone for the next few trips, but Tyler sat in the underbrush, pads of his hands digging into his red eyes.

Josh cleared his throat, feeling awful as Tyler jumped, looking up in fear. His face loosened a bit as he recognized Josh.

Hesitantly, Josh sat down, suddenly realizing that he hadn't even considered how confused he had probably made Tyler.

Tyler didn't talk, only sniffled, his breathing uneven. He wore a long sleeve shirt, the right sleeve slipping slightly down his arm, revealing a sight that made Josh's stomach flop.

A field of tiny, painful, red flowers bloomed on the small patch of skin that was revealed. Josh felt so wrong as he stared at them, wondering if he had caused the fields to bloom. He cautiously scooted forward, quickly snatching a hold of his wrist and pushing up his sleeve. He knew it was invasive of him, but something told him he needed to.

"Hey," Tyler squirmed, his hand shaking under Josh's serious grip. "Leave me alone." He huffed, prying Josh's fingers off of his wrist.

Josh stared down at the cuts then up at Tyler, then down again. His mind was running into overdrive as he realized that Tyler wasn't just crying because he was sad. He was crying because he was broken. Josh looked up again to see Tyler had returned to the position he was in before.

It took Josh a second to move, but as soon as he came to his senses, he pulled Tyler in to a hug. The position was uncomfortable, but Josh didn't move, letting Tyler wrap his arms around his shoulders and bury his face in Josh's neck.

They stayed like that for a long time; long enough for Tyler to run out of tears, long enough for the sun to completely set, leaving them in pitch black darkness.

Cautiously and slowly, Josh let his back fall against the underbrush, pulling Tyler with him. The position was much more comfortable for both of them and Josh always felt like laying down was much better than sitting up for when he was sad.

"I wish you talked." Tyler blurted out once his breathing was even and the tears had ceased.

And, of course, Josh didn't reply.

•

It took a few more visits for Josh to realize he had serious feelings for Tyler. The way his heart seemed to tremble in his chest each time he saw the dark brown hair and brown eyes that belonged to Tyler, the way he felt a need protect the broken boy, the way he found himself counting down the seconds until he'd possibly see him again- they all added up eventually. And Josh didn't mind at all, because it gave him a sense of purpose. It made him feel normal.

On the eighth visit, Josh was there first, crumpling leaves in his hand as he waited for a crying Tyler to stumble in for comfort.

The familiar rustle of tree branches told him Tyler was coming, making a burst of adrenaline course through his veins. He stared at the source of the noise, feeling his stomach flip as Tyler walked towards him and sat down, letting out a strangled cry.

Without thinking, Josh resumed what they did nearly every visit, now. He pulled Tyler into a hug, waiting for arms to wrap around his neck. But, a pair of hands was colliding with his chest, pushing him backward.

Josh looked up, confusion stitched into his face.

"Don't touch me unless you're going to talk." Tyler said dryly, his tone serious.

Josh's mouth hung open in surprise, scooting farther away from the boy and staring at the ground, anger, fear, sadness bubbling up inside him.

The silence that engulfed them was thick with tension. Tyler cried softly, occasionally running his fingers through his hair and tugging at the roots. He sighed often, digging the pads of his hands into his eyes.

Josh remained silent.

"I like you." Tyler blurted out once most of his tears had dried.

Josh felt his stomach do a somersault, his cheeks blushing red.

"You like me, don't you?" Tyler demanded.

And Josh could feel his stomach twisting because he'd never seen Tyler act like this. He'd only ever seen a soft, sensitive boy.

Nonetheless, Josh nodded quickly.

"Like, enough to kiss me?" Tyler clarified, his tone still demanding.

Josh's cheeks seared, burning red. He stared forward, his stomach churning. He didn't like this. He didn't like this at all.

But, he still nodded.

And then Tyler was inches away from his face, breath trickling over Josh's lips. And Josh could feel death from the overload of emotions in his chest and stomach.

"Can I kiss you?" Tyler progressed, inching closer.

Another nod.

Their lips were millimeters apart; all Josh had to do was push forward an inch and they'd be kissing. And he wanted to so badly, but he waited for Tyler to move. His breath continued to dance across Josh's lips, leaning forward ever-so-slightly then quickly pulling back. "Not unless you say something."

And Josh felt himself crashing down from whatever high he had flown too. He felt himself spiraling through the air, landing back down at the cold, depressing low that he normally found himself in. Tears started to uncontrollably fall down his cheeks, landing on the ground because Josh couldn't talk. He just couldn't.

Tyler was breathing heavily, his eyebrows furrowing when Josh remained silent. He stood up, sighing angrily. "Why won't you speak?" He demanded, his voice raising. "Just say something!" Tears were streaking the red in his cheeks as he continued to yell.

Josh stared up, looking at Tyler's hardened face with fear bubbling inside him.

"I don't even know your name! I don't know anything about you!" Tyler continued to yell, his voice echoing off the trees. "Why won't you just say something?" Tyler kicked the ground, sending leaves and dirt flying at Josh. "I want to know you!" He screamed. "Why can't you just give up this stupid game?"

Josh cowered beneath Tyler's voice, shaking and crying.

"Say something!" Tyler demanded, pulling at his hair. "Stop ignoring me!"

And Josh wanted to talk so badly. He hated seeing Tyler like this, but he couldn't talk. Silent, he told himself. Silent, silent, stay silent.

"Just say hello! Say something!" Tyler cried, crumbling to the ground. "Why won't you talk to me?" He curled up, shaking cries cutting through him.

Josh wanted to stay, he really did. He wanted to comfort the scary, crying boy, but his mind was reeling and he needed to get away. He stood up and ran faster than he ever thought possible. Running past every tree, jumping over branches, he made his way out of the woods. Sprinting into his house and up to his room, he locked himself inside.

•

Josh was scribbled messily on a piece of paper that he held tightly in his hand. He made his way to their normal meeting place, sitting down and hoping Tyler would show up. He picked at his fingers, growing increasingly impatient as the minutes ticked by and the sun hung lower in the sky.

Just as Josh moved to stand up and leave, he heard a rustling in front of him. Within a few seconds, Tyler appeared, his eyes redder than Josh had ever seen and his cheeks pale and lifeless. He seemed to perk up a bit when he saw Josh. Without talking, he sat down, staring at the paper in his hand. "What is that?" He asked, his voice raspy. Josh handed him the paper, butterflies swarming in his gut for some reason. Tyler slowly unfolded it, a weak smile coming to his face. "Hi, Josh." He tried his best to chuckle, but it sounded more like a muffled cry.

Josh smiled, feeling like the butterflies in his stomach all flapped their wings at the same time.

Tyler didn't talk for a long time- long enough for the sun to set completely and the bugs to start chirping. Aside from the occasional sniffle, the two remained silent among the trees.

"I never imagined you to be a Josh." Tyler blurted out when his face was drained of tears.

Josh looked up, knitting his eyebrows together.

"It fits you, though." Tyler tacked on.

Smiling, Josh moved closer to the hunched over figure, pulling him into a hug. It was his way of showing that he forgave Tyler, even if he was still terrified that it would happen again.

Tyler wiggled himself into a more comfortable position in Josh's arms, sighing, as content as a broken boy could be.

Josh pretended not to notice the fresh red lines on Tyler's arm.

•

"My parents don't ever listen to me." Tyler said one day after he had finished crying. Josh hadn't seen him in a few days, and gladly listened to every word the boy said. "That's why I like coming here." He continued. "It's nice to have someone actually listen to me- but sometimes I don't want to talk and I want to hear someone else talk." Tyler's hands shook as he fidgeted with them in front of him. "Just- sometimes I feel like I have to talk, because it's so quiet, but I don't want to."

Josh quickly shook his head as a reply, hoping Tyler would get the message that he didn't need to talk if he didn't want to.

Tyler sighed, chewing on his lip. "I never really had friends and, of course, my only friend doesn't talk." His tone was slightly playful, but Josh could tell he was being mostly serious. It made guilt, embarrassment, and regret hang low in his chest.

Josh sighed, hoping to get his apology across.

"I- just- I really like you, a lot." The boy admitted.

And then Tyler was inching closer to Josh, making his stomach tie in knots. He tried not to think about the last time Tyler was this close to him. He prepared himself for another outburst as Tyler got as close as before, hovering his lips above Josh's.

Time seemed to freeze as Josh panicked, telling himself over and over to remain silent no matter how loud Tyler yelled or how much he cried. Because talking was bad. Talking would end everything.

"Can I kiss you?"

The words sent him swimming back to consciousness. He let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding, staring at Tyler's lips, which stood millimeters away from Josh's. And before Tyler could even pull away, Josh's hand grabbed for the back of Tyler's neck, clumsily crashing their lips together.

And it was almost like the trees started to dance around them while falling silent at the same time. Everything around Josh was so alive and bright, yet so irrelevant because his lips were on Tyler's.

And the trees never felt more alive.

•

Tyler and Josh kissed a lot after that.

The silence of their visits was mostly consumed by tiny, short kisses and long, passionate kisses that made Josh's head spin. It was something that made both of them happy at the same time.

Tyler started coming every day, like Josh did. Some days he wasn't even crying. He came merely because he wanted to see Josh, and that alone was enough to make his heart flutter.

They had been visiting each other for at least four months when Tyler had another episode.

He stumbled into the clearing, not even holding back the wail that escaped his mouth as he sat down. Josh immediately scooped the boy into his arms.

Tyler didn't talk for a while, eventually blurting out, "I can't do it." He sobbed into Josh's shoulder. Josh pressed a kiss to his scalp, telling him to continue. "My parents don't talk to me, you don't talk to me- I feel like the whole world has gone mute." He shook in Josh's arms. "I just need someone to talk to me." He shuddered, hiccuping between every few words.

Josh bit down on his tongue as hard as he could. He felt so many replies filling his head, filling his mouth, pushing against his teeth. He bit down harder.

"Please, Josh," he hiccuped, "Just say something." He grabbed onto Josh's cheeks, "Just say hello- please." His eyes were completely hollow; something Josh had only seen during Tyler's last episode. "I need to hear a voice." Tyler panted, tears free falling off his face.

Now Josh was shaking, tasting blood in his mouth from biting down so hard. The word 'hello' seemed so simple and Tyler needed it, he told himself. Tyler just needed to hear 'hello' once.

And Josh found himself, wanting to say hello. He found his teeth releasing their grip on his tongue, and his mouth parting slightly.

Hello.

Two syllables- easy.

No one else would hear him- just Tyler.

"Please, Josh. I'm going insane."

Hello.

His brain was screaming at him, telling him to remain silent, but it was also telling him to let go, to do this for Tyler.

He wanted to scream- he wondered if screaming counted as talking. He wondered what would happen if he just got up and ran.

"Josh!" Tyler's grip on his cheeks tightened. "Can you even hear me?" He was screaming, inches from Josh's face.

Silent. Don't talk.

Hello. Just say it.

The world around him turned to fuzz, muffling every word Tyler spoke after that. Josh felt himself falling as he pushed his only friend off of him. He tried to stand up, but his legs gave out, sending him to the ground. He might've hit his head on a tree, but everything was too numb to even tell.

Before his eyes closed, he heard two muffled words that sounded like an apology through the ringing in his ears.

The trees fell silent, once again.

•

Tyler stopped meeting Josh in the trees for a long time. The trees were colorless without Tyler.

But, after a few months, Tyler brought the trees back to color, attacking Josh in a hug and a hundred kisses. "I'm so sorry." He whispered a million times over, peppering kisses on every inch of Josh's face. "I thought I lost you forever."

Josh was already crying, trying his best to forget what had happened and focusing on Tyler. His hair was longer, the circles around his eyes were darker, his eyes were hollow, like they had been the last time Josh had seen him.

They lay against the underbrush for a long time, longer than they ever had before.

"Josh?" Tyler blurted out, his voice soft and careful.

Josh grabbed Tyler's hand and squeezed it; a signal to continue.

"I know you won't say it back, and that's okay, but, I love you. I love you a lot. And I never thought I'd be the type of person that found love, or even deserved love, but I think this is it." Tyler explained. "You're the only person that really matters to me. You make me sad a lot, but you're also the only thing that makes me happy."

Josh smiled, pressing a kiss to Tyler's lips to stop him from talking. His eyes fluttered shut as Tyler's fingers tangled in his hair. He felt like he was floating.

•

And then things were back to normal. Tyler never really addressed why he had disappeared for months, and as much as Josh wanted to know, he couldn't ask. So he pushed the thought to the back of his mind.

Tyler's tears seemed to last a lot longer most days. Their visits grew lengthier as Tyler spent more time crying.

But sometimes he would come without any tears, but it didn't usually happen.

This time, Tyler sat down in front of Josh, smiling. His face was dry, his eyes still bloodshot, but Josh took it down as progress. "I want to carve our names in that tree." Tyler said almost immediately, pointing at a fat tree.

Josh felt a smile come to his face as he stood up, agreeing silently. They stood at the trunk of the tree as

Tyler slid a small, pocket knife out of his pocket, flicking it open. He pushed the point of the knife into the tree, craving out a messy 'T'. After touching it up, he turned around, flashing another wide smile.

Josh felt his heart swell.

"Maybe we'll just do initials." Tyler decided since the 'T' alone had already taken him a while. He passed the knife to Josh, who stepped closed to the tree and began vandalizing it.

When the 'T' and the 'J' were finished, the two stood back, admiring their work. Josh furrowed his brow, moving forward to carve something else. It took longer than the letters, but Tyler watched intently, biting back a smile.

When Josh was done, a sloppy heart was etched out around the letters.

And for a tiny second, Tyler's eyes filled with happiness. The hollowness was filled and Tyler smiled at Josh with genuine happiness.

But it only lasted for a second.

•

"I want to be alone today." The words sent bullets into Josh's chest, his heart sinking low.

He wanted to move- to turn around and leave, but something wouldn't let him. He sat down at a distance from Tyler because he needed the trees just as much as Tyler did. And Josh had come almost every day for nearly six months; he wasn't going to stop now.

"Josh, I don't want you here today." Tyler reiterated, his eyes red to match his arms. "I need to be alone- go somewhere else." He continued, his voice rising.

And Josh could see it; the hollowness in Tyler's eyes. He could feel fear digging a hole in his gut, his heart beating in his ear like a drum.

"Josh, leave!" Tyler was screaming now, burying his hands in his eyes. "Go away!"

Josh stood up, feeling his mind swirl as tears dripped down his face. He turned and ran home.

Josh didn't go back for three days, just in case.

•

Things got worse when Tyler came into the trees with a busted lip and a purple bruise around his eye.

He sat down, pulling Josh into a hug and crying into his neck.

"I don't know how much longer I can handle this." Tyler cried, talking against Josh's shirt.

The statement made Josh's insides flip and tears well up in his eyes. He lifted Tyler's head from his shoulder, and stared into his eyes for a long time, hoping he could get his message across that he could handle it and he was strong.

They kissed for a long time.

•

Things seemed plateau for a while. Tyler didn't get extremely happy nor extremely sad. He was just somewhere in the middle.

Josh, on the other hand, found himself crying more than usual, but he didn't cry around Tyler. He was strong for Tyler, because he knew the boy had much bigger problems.

They went like this for about a month, before things changed.

Tyler didn't say a single word until the end of the entire visit, almost as if he was thinking intently about something. He cried for a long time, the tears seeming like they would never end.

But eventually, he blurted out, "I'm not coming back."

Josh jumped, tilting his head to the side; a signal to repeat himself.

"I'm done visiting you. You don't talk, you don't do anything. I'm not coming back unless you talk." He tried to speak firmly, but his voice shook with tears. "I can't handle it anymore."

Josh's mouth hung open in shock.

"So, say something or I leave." Tyler threatened.

Josh felt his entire body running into overdrive. His heart was pounding in his ears, his vision blurred from the tears in his eyes.

"S' what I thought." Tyler turned around and left just as quickly as he entered.

And Josh's world came crashing down on him, burying him in rubble, suffocating him in tears.

Josh needed Tyler. His entire life had become about Tyler. He was Josh's best friend, his favorite person, the love of his life.

Josh went home and locked himself in his room, crying himself into a lonely sleep.

•

It took about a month to really register that Tyler wasn't coming back. He eventually stopped sitting among the trees as the heart carved out in a tree became too much for him.

It took him another week to realize that no matter what, he didn't hate Tyler. He couldn't get over him. He couldn't hate him. He loved him too much for that.

It took him two more weeks of solitude to realize that, Tyler was more important to him than talking. He regretted not realizing it sooner, as he knew that Tyler was probably feeling alone, also.

But talking was a huge hurdle for Josh to jump over and every time he thought about it, his breathing would speed up and his heart would pump adrenaline all over his body and he would feel his mind going foggy.

So, it took him another month to prepare himself.

He spent a lot of time in the woods, staring at the heart, tracing it with his fingers as he would let words fill his mouth and push at his lips. He would open his mouth, telling himself he could talk, but the words would trickle down his throat once again and he would have to start all over.

And by the fourth month, Josh finally spoke, uttering a tiny 'hello' before his brain started to swirl and his knees gave out and his heart felt like it would never stop pounding in his ears, because after nearly three years, Josh spoke.

And it was all for Tyler.

•

Josh grabbed a piece of paper, scribbling BOY, TYLER, ADDRESS? on a piece of paper and handing it to his mom, who looked up in surprise.

"Tyler Joseph?" She asked, a hint of a smile on her face. "He lives across the street, why?" She asked, but Josh didn't have time to reply.

He sprinted up the stairs, shutting his door and putting on a newer, nicer shirt. He ran his fingers through his hair, standing in front of his mirror and whispering, "Hello." He'd gotten better at controlling the panic that filled him after be spoke, but he still felt his stomach flopping around inside him.

Checking out his window, he looked at the house across the street. He took a deep breath, trying his best to calm himself.

He wondered what Tyler looked like after all this time. He wondered if he was happier or if he was the same, sad Tyler that he had always been. He wondered what his lips would feel like after four months of missing them.

He heard a knock at the door downstairs and he wondered if it was Tyler, coming to see him.

His feet padded down the stairs, following his mom to the door from a distance. She opened the door to reveal a wife clutching her husbands hand, tears falling down her cheeks. Josh felt a cold sense of familiarity in his gut.

His brain didn't fully process every word, but he picked out the important ones like "Tyler" and "gone" and "not breathing". He watched his mom grab her phone, dialing three numbers than rushing out of the house and running across the street.

And it all clicked.

Josh threw open the back door, sprinting into the trees.

His heart stopped beating, his tears stopped flowing, his lungs wouldn't fill, time was stopping. Josh's world was crashing harder than it ever had. He didn't make it to their meeting place. His legs gave out just as he crossed over the underbrush.

And he screamed because it was all he could think of to do.

His vision was blurred from tears and all he could see was Tyler's face, tears rolling down his tan cheeks like they did every time he used to visit. Tyler's arms and the cuts that should've to Josh that this was serious. Tyler's hollow eyes whenever he begged Josh to talk, but Josh never listened because he was stupid and stubborn and he should've fucking known that Tyler needed to hear him. Tyler's lips that were so cold and lifeless until Josh kissed them. Tyler's smile, that wasn't really a smile at all because all this time he wanted to die and Josh had just sent him over the edge. Tyler's tears that Josh could've stopped, that Josh could've saved, but instead he killed the love of his life.

And everything just hurt so, fucking bad because if Tyler could've held out for one more day, one more hour, Josh would be there, and he would be talking to Tyler and they would be talking and that's all Tyler ever wanted.

But Tyler was gone and it was Josh's fault.

"Please, Tyler." Josh screamed as sirens blared behind him. "I'm sorry," he cried, "Come back, please. I can fix this- just come back- I need you!" He screamed at no one because Tyler was completely gone, and talking, screaming, crying couldn't fix any of it.

-

Four months later, a polished tombstone was placed above Tyler.

Josh couldn't bring himself to visit for a long time. He spent most of his days locked away in his room, trying his best to find happiness, because it's what Tyler would've wanted, according to his mom.

He returned to silence, telling himself that no one deserved to hear him. His voice was Tyler's.

The investigators found a note addressed to Josh, but he never read it, tucking it away somewhere in his room.

He visited their tree every day, deciding not to tell anyone about it, because he remembered Tyler begging him not to tell his parents that he came there.

He spent most of his time remembering. Remembering when they first met, when they first kissed, when Tyler would yell, when Josh would hold him. And the pain never dulled.

It took him an entire month to visit Tyler's grave. He sat down in front of it, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Hello." His voice was raspy, considering it was his first time speaking since Tyler had died. "It's Josh." His voice broke as it filled with tears. "I wish you could hear me, right now, because I'm talking and I know you wanted to hear it so bad." Josh explained. "I was about to leave for you house when your mom came over." He had to stop talking as cries overtook him. "If you would've waited just a few more hours, I wouldn't have to be doing this." Josh sighed shakily. "But that's my fault, not yours."

He talked for a long time and the tears felt like they would never stop. "It's weird," Josh blurted out after a long silence. "Before you would talk and I wouldn't reply, but now it's completely the opposite." Josh explained, tears running down his cheeks. "And I don't think I can handle it, either."

•

Months passed, and the tears and the pain didn't get better. Josh stopped visiting because he couldn't handle talking and not hearing Tyler's voice after.

He started to find that everything was becoming too much. Not a second passed that he wasn't sad or missing Tyler. His own silence started to become too much for him. He hated himself for it, but couldn't bring himself to talk to anyone else.

So, he searched around his room for Tyler's note, finding it in his pillowcase. He stared at it for a long time before unfolding the paper and skimming his eyes over the words. There wasn't many, but it was enough to send his mind spiraling.

And finally, everything, everything became more than too much. He threw open the door, his mind blurry. He felt so numb, so gone from his body, like he was watching himself grab a bottle of pills from the bathroom and lock himself in his room and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Everything was going black, his life was losing color, his body was losing warmth, because he needed Tyler more than he ever thought. And if he would've just broke the silence Tyler would be alive and Josh wouldn't be pouring too many pills in his hand and swallowing them, silencing himself forever.

Notes:

there is an alternate (and much happier) ending!!! just click next chapter!

Chapter 2: Trees Fic Alternate Ending

Summary:

you all wanted a happier alternate ending so here it is.

((it begins where Josh is going down the stairs to go to Tyler's house. there's no knock at the door this time))

Notes:

i know its short, but I promise its happy!!

His feet padded down the stairs, a tiny hint of a smile tickling his cheeks as he threw open the front door, ignoring questioning glances from his mom. He shut the door behind him, crossing the street, and standing at the door of the house across the street.

His heart was pounding in his ears, in his chest, everywhere. He raised a fist and gently tapped it on the polished door, his heart skipping a beat when he saw a pair of brown eyes and brown hair. Tyler's eyebrows were knit together as he opened the door, leaning against the doorway and sighing.

But Josh didn't want to talk yet. He wanted to bring Tyler to their place, their tree. He reached out a hand and wrapped it around the skinniest part of Tyler's wrist, tugging gently.

"No, Josh." Tyler declined sternly.

Josh felt his heart sink as Tyler wiggled out of his grip, stepping out of the doorway and beginning to shut the door.

Then, Josh was panicking, his head spinning as he opened his mouth. The words cautiously crawled up his throat, but the only one that fell from his tongue was a strangled "Tyler".

The sad boy's eyes widened, mouth falling open in shock. "Josh," he mumbled breathlessly.

Josh ignored the panic filling him as he reached for Tyler's hand once again, this time successfully pulling out of the doorway and towards their tree.

Neither of them spoke on the walk to the place where they first met, first kissed, first fought. It was nostalgic in a way, considering they hadn't been there together for several months.

They sat down among the dead leaves and branches and roots, Tyler's eyes already filled with tears.

Josh cleared his throat, ignoring the alarms sounding in his head. "Hello." He smiled as happily as he could with all of the anxiety bubbling inside him.

Talking was bad. He wasn't supposed to be talking.

But the smile on Tyler's face almost made it all worth it. Josh could see tears brimming in his eyes, threatening to fall. He watched as Tyler's head fell into his hands, sobbing violently. "I'm sorry, Josh." He choked out, his voice muffled by his hands.

Josh couldn't bring himself to reply, his head spinning. He had missed Tyler so much, and his heart was aching to hold him, to kiss him again. He pushed himself closer to the crying boy, carefully removing his hands from his face and offering a weak smile when he glanced up.

And then they were kissing, and the world fell back into place. The trees stood tall, their cheers sounding in the wind, the heart carved into one of them shone brighter than usual.

But when Josh was pulling away, a smile stuck to his face, Tyler still looked up with sadness carved into the brown fields in his eye.

Not a single word crossed Josh's lips as he stared, his point most likely getting across.

"I was about-" Tyler stopped, choking on a sob. "I was going to kill myself today." He admitted, his voice barely audible.

And Josh's head started spinning faster, his insides churning with regret. He felt tears warm his cheeks as they slid painfully down his face. His hand, still gently cupped Tyler's face, shaking against his skin.

The broken boy's eyes were hollow once again as he stared back at Josh. "I didn't think you were coming back- I thought you hated me." His voice felt thin, penetrating every part of Josh, filling his brain, filling his heart, strangling his breath.

Josh couldn't find any words, so he settled for kissing the boy, gently, as he knew he was broken.

•

Things returned to the way they were several, distant months ago. They visited their tree every day, Tyler sometimes crying, sometimes smiling. Josh still didn't talk much, but he talked when he had to, or when he knew Tyler needed it.

Tyler needed it a lot.

So, Josh got used to talking, used to whispering quiet, "You're okay"s in Tyler's ear, used to telling him stories and talking him to sleep. It was hard to take care of a broken boy, but Josh loved him more than anything or anyone he'd ever encountered.

Josh was the glue and Tyler was the broken pieces. And together, Josh was finding his purpose, and Tyler was getting better.

•

"I used to think that the world was working against me." Tyler blurted out one day. "Because- like- if the world WAS working for me, I wouldn't be so sad, right?"

Josh nodded, his arms wrapped loosely around Tyler's waist.

"But every time it all became too much and I wanted to just leave the world and forget about all of this, you showed up and made life just a little bit more livable. And if that isn't a sign of something, then I don't know what is." Tyler continued, his eyes fluttering shut. "Something keeps bringing me back to you."

Josh hadn't spoken for their entire visit, but, now, the words were stringing together in his throat. "Maybe it's not the world." He cautiously spoke. "Maybe it's not me either. Maybe you're just stronger than you think you are." Josh paused, feeling Tyler's heart beat against his skin. He shook his head. "I shouldn't even be saying maybe, because you are strong and you can handle all of this- with my help or without."

Tyler's eyes were open, now, wide with shock, amazement, happiness. It was the most Josh had said since he had started talking. His mind was spinning, considering he had never said much more than a few simple words, but he just spoke in full sentences. He ignored the feeling of alarm growing inside him.

A smile broke out on Tyler's face as he leaned forward and brushed his lips against Josh's cheek. "Either way, something's telling me to hold on to you and make sure you don't get away." Tyler whispered, squeezing Josh's torso for emphasis.

•

"Let's carve our names into every single tree in this place." Tyler blurted out.

Josh snorted, looking around at the hundreds of trees that surrounded them.

"I'm serious!" Tyler playfully smacked the back of his hand against Josh's arm. "We could do- like- one everyday- or we could do six if we feel like it- it doesn't matter." He continued to explain.

Josh was smiling as he stood up, silently agreeing as he picked a nearby tree.

It was much skinnier than the first one they had chosen. The trunk was flat and smooth, making it perfect to carve into.

Tyler stepped forward, taking out his pocket knife and digging it into the tree. Josh stared as he carved out a 'T', his heart swelling, because he was so lucky to have Tyler.

"Your turn," he mumbled passing off the sharp utensil. Josh pushed the knife against the trunk, pushing down, then to the left to make the J. He traced it over a few times with his finger, handing the knife back to Tyler.

Tyler stepped closer to the tree, pressing the knife between the T and J and carving out a tiny heart. And Josh stared again, smiling wider than most smiles. He waited for Tyler to close the pocket knife before surging forward to kiss him.

He felt Tyler's smile against his lips, only making him smile also. His mind was dancing around in his skull, making his stomach filling with happiness and butterflies.

"I love you," Tyler mumbled into his lips.

And, this time, Josh said it back.

Notes:

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Chapter 3: Tyler's Note

Dear Josh,

I know how much this is going to hurt you and I'm so sorry. It seems like the only thing I know how to do is hurt people.

You're probably used to it by now. You're probably tired of it all anyway.

See, before I stopped visiting the trees, there was a night where we fell asleep together- well at least you did.

I just kept staring at the sky and, at one point, you starting talking in your sleep- it wasn't anything that I could understand, but for some reason, your voice- only hearing that little bit- drove me insane. I just want to hear you talk so badly, but I know you're not ready- maybe you'll never be ready.

But I just can't sit and wait around for it. I'm sorry.

I'll be watching the trees from the sky.

I love you so much, Josh.

Tyler

Notes:

I figured it's been long enough so here's Tyler's final note to Josh :)

ive had this little but written since i posted the fic and i wasnt sure if i wanted to post it and ik its not much but here it is ladies!

 

again, my twitter is @treesjoshier if you want to yell at me okay thanks bye

Notes:

feel free to leave a comment + kudos

my twitter is @treesjoshier if you want to follow or tell me what you think!