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It started with a throwaway line that burrowed itself into Sieun's brain.
"You look so good right now. Wish you could see yourself," Suho says as he buries his right hand in Sieun's hair. His hips stutter, pushing his cock deeper into Sieun's throat. Sieun gags a little, but he battles through it. He doesn't know what he looks like, but with the look of awe Suho is giving him, he believes him that he does look good.
Sieun wishes Suho won't ever have to look at anyone else the same way he looks at Sieun.
The idea irks him.
Sieun doubles his efforts, sucking the head of Suho's cock before taking everything into his mouth again. In and out. In and out, as his tongue brushes the underside of Suho's cock repeatedly.
"Baby. Ah, fuck. I'm close."
Suho is so beautiful like this.
His eyes are now closed, and both of his hands are pulling at Sieun's hair, causing a pleasurable sting to run down Sieun's spine. Suho's hips thrust like he's chasing his satisfaction. His groans echo throughout the room, and Sieun shivers when the sound reaches his ears. He's doing this to Suho. Only he can do this to Suho.
He also wishes Suho could see himself in this light.
Sieun pulls out all the stops. He sucks even harder and groans. It reaches Suho as he jumps a little from the sensation of the vibrations.
Sieun's hands slowly make their way to Suho's balls, brushing them with his fingers before he finally cups them and rolls them.
And Suho is gone.
He holds Sieun's head tightly, forcing him to take it as his cum spills down Sieun's throat.
Sieun can't move. He wouldn't even want to anyway; he'd stay here forever if permitted.
He can't do anything but swallow Suho's cum. He feels it coat the inside of his mouth before it slides down his esophagus. Bitter, salty, and Suho. It makes him giddy.
A part of Suho is now undeniably inside Sieun's body. The cells in Sieun's body will now have to know the cells of Suho's.
In some ways, it's evidence. Evidence of what they've done. Evidence that they're together.
Evidence that Suho is here.
Sieun doesn't believe in God, but he prays. He prays a thank you and a request that this moment may last till eternity.
Suho pulls out and he snaps out of his train of thought.
Sieun automatically opens his mouth, showing Suho how he swallowed everything. His clean tongue is laid bare before him. It's in him now, as it should be.
"Fuck, that was good," Suho exhales as he kneels to Sieun's level. "I love you so much."
Sieun doesn't get to respond because Suho grabs his face and kisses him frantically as if he's trying to taste the remnants of himself. But Sieun has taken everything, because it's his.
He did that to Suho. He made Suho cum, and thus it now belongs to Sieun. Just like how Suho himself belongs to Sieun.
Suho is mesmerizing. Suho is here. Suho is Sieun's.
Sieun wants Suho to know all this, wants to have evidence of it.
And thus, the idea has now formed.
What about making a sex tape?
The thought follows him as they're sitting together at the table, facing Baku and Gotak, while Juntae sits at the head of the table. The aroma of freshly cooked fried chicken permeates the air as it's served to them. Baku and Suho immediately take a couple of pieces and eat them, not even bothering to place them on their plates.
"Yah. You guys are practically inhaling the food. Leave some for the rest of us," Gotak quips as he gets a piece of chicken for himself.
"Didn't know it's a crime now to be hungry," Baku replies while chewing his food, which makes the sentence a garbled mess. Suho, on the other hand, merely sticks his tongue out at Gotak like a child.
Sieun feels the corners of his lips tugging up as he watches the whole situation happening before him.
He appreciates the dynamic between Suho and his friends, in which Suho can ride along with the personalities of everyone. He fits so perfectly here, in this area of Sieun's life. Sieun sometimes wonders if he had subconsciously picked friends with the thought of Suho fitting in also. As if all this time, there was a chair reserved just for Suho in their friend group. As if they wouldn't be complete with Suho. Because Sieun wouldn't be complete without Suho.
Thankfully, Suho belongs here. This thought gets validated as he watches Suho laughing with his mouth full when Juntae teases Baku. The oil from the fried chicken stains his fingertips, and when he high-fives Baku, his hand becomes an even stickier mess.
Suho, with all his light, belongs here, with Sieun by his side.
Suho glances at him as if he heard what Sieun was thinking. He shines a small smile before returning back to the conversation the table was having. Sieun cracks. The awe Suho looks at him with is merely a fleeting flash but its feeling is perpetual.
It reminds him of every single time Suho has gazed at him, adoration always peeking out.
It reminds him of two days ago, when he was on knees, cock in his mouth.
Inappropriate.
But to Sieun's dismay, this memory only serves to open the flood gates.
This line of thinking eventually leads him back to his conclusion then. The thought possesses him again, for the nth time these past few days.
What about making a sex tape?
He sighs at the idea invading his brain again. He hates to admit it, but he keeps pondering over it. Like an ear worm, it has crawled into his mind and buried itself, refusing to get out.
And like an ear worm, he knows the only way to get rid of it is to entertain it and finish the melody.
So, Sieun will face it. He's done enough confronting in his life; one more won't kill him now. So far, he's had a good track record of risking when it came to Suho. Their first kiss, their first time making love, Sieun was the one to initiate it. And it opened their relationship to a whole other realm. This time would be no different. Sieun would bear the weight of rejection if it came from Suho. He'd take on Atlas' punishment if Suho asked him to.
And so, he lets himself analyze the thought and how it will come to fruition.
He is aware of the risks associated with creating such a vulgar video. Leaks—and all that comes with it—being the most dangerous. If that unfortunate situation were to ever happen, it would have grave repercussions in both of their lives.
But also, Sieun is not dumb. He knows how to avoid such mistakes.
If Sieun actually permits himself to follow through with the train of thought, there exists a depraved fragment of his mind that wants it out there. He wants everyone to know that Suho is Sieun's only.
But again, Sieun is not stupid. He would not give such a perverted thought even 2 seconds of attention. There are many ways to prove their loyalty to each other without a whole scandal.
As if against himself, another part of him doubles down on that. Why do they even need to prove it? Suho has chosen him. Is that not enough? After everything, Suho has still chosen him, for which Sieun is eternally grateful. He would not know how to live day by day otherwise.
And so, Sieun is thankful for Suho. His kindness has made Sieun.
He hears himself out. Sieun is not good with words, but he wants Suho to know that. He aches for him to understand that Sieun is only whole because of him. And Suho should also be whole because of Sieun.
Which leads back to the sex tape.
When it comes to sex, Sieun only sees Suho. Does Suho know how amazing he looks when he falls apart due to Sieun?
To Sieun, if done, it would be a reminder. It would serve as tangible proof of them, for their eyes only.
Their dynamic, their bodies, their love, portrayed for the two of them only.
The two of them have already accumulated scars that will never go away.
Why should the proof of their devotion come from the pain it brings?
At least in this way, it's just them, no one else. As it should be.
Sieun likes thinking. Now, his thoughts are more organized; they won't bother him incessantly.
It's decided now. He's going to ask S-
"Hey. Are you okay? You haven't eaten anything yet," Juntae asks Sieun worryingly.
"Yeah, sorry. Just had a lot on my mind," Sieun replies while shaking his head. He plays with the food on his plate using his utensils.
Why is he thinking about making a sex tape with Suho when he's with his friends?
"Do you want me to feed you?" Suho butts in. He doesn't know if Suho is joking or not, but knowing him, he's probably not.
Sieun shakes his head no again, but Suho is already shoving a piece of chicken in his face. It's so close to his mouth that there's only really one way to deal with it. At this point, with the way Suho is looking at him, how can he deny Suho anything? He opens his mouth and lets the meat melt on his tongue.
A loud Blegh! comes from in front of them.
"Please get a room. I just lost my appetite," Baku teases. He's covering his mouth as if he wants to throw up.
Suho laughs in return and replies, "It's okay to admit that you're jealous. If I were you, I'd also be jealous of me."
Suho ruffles Sieun's hair, and it makes Sieun crack a small smile.
Sieun steps off from the motorcycle as Suho parks it. His hands reach the straps of his helmet, undoing it. Before he can fully remove it, Suho interrupts him with a, "Tsk. That's my job."
Suho takes a few strides towards him. His left hand is carrying his own helmet. His right one comes up and opens Sieun's visor. He locks eyes with Suho for a moment, and at once, Sieun is reminded that this is the Ahn Suho that he has known and, if fate and luck permit, will always know.
Suho tucks his own helmet under his armpit so that he can use both of his hands to take off Sieun's.
Once Suho finishes storing the helmets in the top-box, he leans on his motorcycle and faces Sieun.
Sieun asks, "Do you want to come up?"
He hopes Suho sees through him.
"It's late, you should go to sleep," Suho replies nonchalantly.
Sieun is now disappointed.
"Unless you want me to come up, huh?" Suho continues without missing a beat. A playful tone mixes with the question, all tied together with a hint of a smirk.
There it is.
Once again, Suho proves just how much he notices Sieun.
They enter Sieun's apartment, and he gets blindsided by how quickly Suho holds him by the waist and slams him harshly against the door. It produces a loud bang that echoes through the empty hallway. This man.
Sieun is no better than him.
"Fuck, been wanting to do this to you since dinner," Suho groans.
He captures Sieun's lips with his own, which fills Sieun with a rush so rapid it makes him dizzy. He has to hold on to Suho's shoulders for support, an action that Suho takes as a sign of affirmation. Suho kisses him with force and presses his body into him. His weight traps Sieun between his body and the door. Suho sucks his bottom lip, lets go, and then bites it. It earns a moan from Sieun that is caught by Suho's mouth. His hands come up to grab the back of Suho's head, hair soft beneath his fingers. It's a stark contrast to the rough dance his and Suho's lips are doing.
Sieun is surprised when Suho's lips move away from him. He tries to chase them, but Suho has other plans.
He keeps giving pecks to Sieun's face. His lips make their way to Sieun's cheeks before stopping on his nose.
Suho kisses Sieun's nose softly, a wet patch transferring to the skin.
Then, Suho sticks out his tongue and licks a strip from the tip of his nose up to the bridge. It rests for a beat in between the gaps of his eyebrows until he retracts it. Suho doesn't pull away though. So when he lets out an exhale, his breath cools the trail of saliva on Sieun's nose. As a finale, Suho gently bites the tip of Sieun's nose.
"I can't get enough of you," Suho exhales.
Before Sieun can recover himself, Suho's tongue has already wandered down to Sieun's neck. The path it took leaves a souvenir of wetness. Suho gives his neck attention and laps up the skin there. Sieun's head hangs back and hits the door, giving Suho more access to skin. When Suho decided it was enough, he journeyed his tongue back to Sieun's left cheek this time. Licking, and licking, and licking, trying to show his gratitude to Sieun simply by licking him.
Like a dog.
Sieun is comforted by the thought.
He wonders how Suho would react if he saw himself in this state.
The sex tape, a part of his mind whispers to himself. This is the perfect time. No one's home, it's a weekend, and it's Suho's day off tomorrow.
Sieun can't focus with the way Suho keeps kissing and touching Sieun everywhere. Is it possible that Suho has now grown another pair of arms and lips? It pulls Sieun deeper into him, but Sieun knows if he doesn't do it now, he might not have the courage or opportunity to do it anytime soon.
Against Sieun's bodily wants, he grabs Suho's shoulders and distances himself from him. He doesn't pull away—that would kill him—but rather, only a sliver of space separates them.
"Wait, wait, Suho," Sieun says breathlessly. He turns his head away from Suho.
Suho stops and looks at him. When Sieun faces him again, the lust is replaced with a dreadful expression that falls over him, every segment of his face twitching to follow his mood. His eyes are first; they squint as his eyebrows follow, forming a sort of rectangle of sadness. The last one that moves is his mouth; the corners tug down before they open a little.
He looks like he just got kicked down—poor fellow.
Sieun needs to remedy this swiftly.
"What? Are you okay?" The worry in Suho's voice is palpable.
"Yeah, I'm okay. Just let's stop for a second, okay? I have something to say," Sieun reassures him. He squeezes his shoulders, offering a soothing touch.
"Okay."
When Sieun gets the affirmation, he removes his hands from Suho's shoulder and instead grabs his arm. He leads him to the dining table where he sits down on one of the chairs. Suho follows suit, residing next to him.
Once seated, Suho interlocks his fingers with Sieun's. He starts with, "What's wrong? If you're not in the mood, you can tell me. It's okay."
Sieun softly shakes his head no.
"No. I am in the mood. I just want to try something new," Sieun eases into it as much as he can.
"Oh?" Suho's curiosity is piqued.
Sieun nods, but he keeps his head down, avoiding Suho's eyes.
Instead, Sieun's gaze bores down on the point of connection he and Suho currently share. He breathes in and out, reminds himself this is his Suho. He has nothing to be afraid of. He's seen him at this worst, what they have cannot be ruined by something so superficial.
"I want to make a sex tape."
Sieun's head raises, finally facing Suho. It's now out there. It won't hold him captive anymore, won't distract him from his time with his friends.
It's up to Suho now.
"What? With me?" Suho asks, baffled.
"Of course with you, who else?" Sieun is also baffled by Suho's reaction. He doesn't know if Suho is actually confused or if he's just teasing him. Either way, he'll deal with the shame. He'll deal with anything for Suho.
He can feel his eyes twitch a minuscule amount at the idea of Suho even asking him that question. Who else?
"Oh."
He's quiet for a moment. Sieun follows the movement of his face.
The look of sadness has long passed. Instead, his eyes are now wide, mouth open to the shape of a little 'O', with his eyebrows slanting upwards. He's surprised. They shift again, mouth a little line, eyes squinting, and eyebrows now scrunching. Now he's thinking. Because of it, a short dash appears between his brows.
Sieun wants to lick it.
Finally, Suho's face changes for the last time. This time, he smiles, the way he usually smiles, like Sieun made a funny remark. He turns his head to the side before facing Sieun again. His cheeks become full, and his teeth are displayed. He's bright.
He looks at Sieun again and with a smile on his face, he says playfully, "Ah. Our Sieun really has grown, huh? Making a sex tape. That's new. Wouldn't have expected this from you, Sieun-ah."
"If you don't want to, we don't have to do it," Sieun offers him a way out. He doesn't want to drag this rejection longer than he has to.
"Hey. I didn't say no. Can't your hyung tease you from time to time?" Suho rubs his thumb against Sieun's hand.
Sieun deadpans and sighs.
Suho watches him with a smirk, lets the moment linger.
He finally breaks and laughs again, a bit harder this time.
The sound of his laughter is the only sound in the apartment. Eventually it fades out and Suho's expression softens.
"No, sorry. Just, where did this come from exactly?" He's not poking fun at Sieun anymore. Rather, he's sympathetic, trying to understand him.
"It was your idea first," Sieun retorts. It's a dirty tactic, he knows. Suho wasn't the one who proposed it; he just planted the idea in his head. So. He's not completely innocent if Sieun had a say in this. And he has.
"Huh? When did I—"
"A few days ago. When you said you wished I could see myself."
Suho's eyes widen again, and a scoff escapes.
"I didn't mean we should make a sex tape, but…" He trails off. He nods and looks away from Sieun again. He's thinking, and he lets out a small hum.
After a minute of ruminating, his lips quirk up.
"Wow. You really do have the best ideas," he says as he ruffles Sieun's hair. A huge grin takes up his face, and Sieun reciprocates it.
The conversation ends.
Suho releases a breath. He seems content with the discussion. Sieun is, too. He feels a burden being released from his shoulders.
A moment passes. The only sound in the apartment was their breaths. It plays like a melody, Sieun notices. When he breathes in, Suho breathes out. In and out. In and out.
Suddenly, Suho turns to him, confused. "Wait, do you want to do it right now?"
Maybe Suho is satisfied with just this conversation tonight. Sieun is fine with that.
"We can do it anytime you're ready for it. It's fine if it's not right now," Sieun offers.
"No! Let's do it right now."
Suho scoops up Sieun bridal-style as he walks them towards his bedroom. The bed creaks as Sieun is thrown on the bed while Suho stands in front of the foot of the bed. He makes quick work of his shirt before Sieun stops him.
"What now?" Suho groans, annoyed at the interruption.
"Let me get my phone first."
Sieun digs into his pocket and pulls out his phone. With trembling fingers, he opens the camera app and tilts his phone horizontally as he points it at Suho.
"Okay. Take off your shirt," Sieun commands.
Suho responds by gazing at the camera sharply, and grabbing the bottom of his shirt. The planes of his body are slowly revealed as he pulls his shirt off. The skin above his hips is a little red, probably from the chafing of his jeans. It continues until just below his belly button, which is encased by the hard muscle of Suho's abs. Sieun—and the camera—follow the middle line between them up to Suho's chest. His pecs are filled out, and just above them is the 'V' of his collarbones. All of this is framed by the wideness of his shoulders.
Suho does a little turn and presents his back to the camera. It's defined and broad; it complements his body.
Sieun prides himself on being the person Suho is with.
Without breaking eye contact, Suho's fingers make their way to the edge of his jeans. They play with the button, circling it a few times before popping it out of its hole.
Sieun is envious.
"I didn't say you could do that," Sieun intercepts.
He sits up in the bed and swings his legs to the right. His feet touch the cold wooden floor. Suho's warmth hasn't yet encapsulated it. He walks toward him; his footsteps are picked up by the phone's mic. He doesn't know if the camera is capturing a good shot or not because his eyes haven't left Suho's ever since the moment he moved.
He faces Suho, head tilted up minutely. As they scrutinize each other, Sieun's left knee smoothly drops to the ground. The other one follows subsequently.
He gives the phone to Suho, who promptly aims it at him.
Now that he's the subject of the video, Sieun abruptly realizes how daunting this actually is. But he's not a coward, he'll make this good for Suho.
He starts by kissing the skin above the perimeter of Suho's underwear. Every inch of him is presented to Sieun, and Sieun has the ability to touch, to kiss, and to worship.
Each movement of his lips along Suho's skin ignites Sieun. His inability to see Suho's face because of the camera blocking his face unnerves him, but with each contact, his insides swell with comfort. It's enough for now.
He needs to make this last, scared that if he rushes, he'll lose control and it'll be over too soon.
With his eyes trained to the camera lens, Sieun sticks out the tip of his tongue—makes a show of it—and licks the button of Suho's jeans. Keeps licking it, pops it into his mouth, and moans around it as if trying to taste the remnants of Suho's earlier touch.
Suho groans, "Jesus, Sieun. Are you that hungry for it?"
Sieun moans around the button again.
When he releases it from his mouth, it's wet. The front of the jeans is now darker because of Sieun's saliva. He hears a faint fuck come from behind the camera. That was supposed to be it, but impulse takes over Sieun, and he spits on the button, watches it drip to the tracks of the zipper as if lubricating it.
Sieun laps up the saliva slowly rolling down, and he bites the zipper. All he knows is metal and Suho's warmth. With the thin piece of metal now between his teeth, he pulls it down until it can't go any lower. Suho's jeans are a mess, dewy and sticky due to the combination of spit and pre-cum.
It's a tease for him too—restricting himself. He knows himself enough to be aware of how easy he loses it in Suho's skin. He wouldn't know how to pull back, because he wouldn't want to pull back. If let him be, he'll crawl inside Suho and live in the inner parts of him, contented. Make a home in the interior of Suho's body. Be neighbors with the organs that also occupy the space. Hear his pulse next to his ear. Touch his brain, and feel him think.
At least there, he knows that Suho is alive.
And the terror of Suho's vulnerability won't harm him there anymore.
He was planning to drag this, but someone had other plans.
"Stop teasing or I'm not gonna fuck you." Suho threatens. "I know you want it badly; nothing's stopping you."
Before Sieun knows it, Suho is pulling out his dick from his underwear. He strokes it a few times, and Sieun reacts by opening his mouth, thinking Suho is going to feed it to him.
The surprise comes late, when Sieun realizes what Suho actually did. His cheek is wet with pre-cum. As he's about to react, it hits him again on the other side now. Suho is holding his cock and slapping Sieun with it.
He stops for a moment and rubs it on Sieun's face, on his cheekbones, his chin, and his cupid's bow. Sieun tries to catch the head, but Suho pulls back.
"Do you want it?" Suho asks, and Sieun doesn't reply. He stares straight at the camera, knowing Suho's watching him intently.
"Hm? Do you want it?" he repeats as if Sieun didn't hear him the first time.
He did, he just can't answer right now. Sieun doesn't want it; he needs it, just like he needs Suho.
He nods.
Suho lowers the phone down till below his belly button and adjusts the angle. This way, Sieun can see Suho's face and the smirk on it. Suho lets go of his dick and takes hold of Sieun's hair, pulling it close to his erection.
"Then take it."
Sieun doesn't waste a second as he swallows the head of Suho's cock and sucks it. His restraint has now vanished into thin air. Nothing's stopping him anymore. Suho has permitted him to get lost in him.
Suho moans low in his throat as Sieun takes both of his hands and holds Suho's dick. A trophy. It's his reward. He pumps it in tandem with the movement of his lips around Suho's cock. His mouth focuses on the head, tongue touching the underside of it every time he bobs his head. The calluses on his hand befriend the hot skin of Suho's cock. His hands have been the subject of such horrors, but here, right now, this serves as his repentance. This is what he should be doing; everything else is a distraction. With this penitence, he feels regret. Regret that he has wasted time wandering when his savior, his angel, his god, deserves the type of reverence that only he can provide.
"Fuck, baby, you're so fucking good."
Suho validates Sieun. He is good. Suho said so.
Sieun sucks the head harder before popping it out of his mouth, his hands continuing their ministrations. He teases the head with just his tongue, swirls it around a few times. And then he forces Suho's cock down, goes as far as he can.
It's too big. His body gets shocked, and he immediately gags around it, throat constricting. Suho's legs tremble.
Sieun removes his mouth from his dick. His body takes in lungfuls of air, trying to recuperate itself from the intrusion.
Sieun doesn't want to stop his worship though. As his throat is recovering, he uses the saliva that has accumulated inside his mouth as a lubricant and spits on Suho's cock. It's so wet now. It eases the motion of his hands, making it more slippery. He continues pumping Suho's cock, mouth still open, tongue still out.
"You're such a tease. Are you putting on a show for me? Should I help you out?" Suho asks, his voice hoarse.
He pats Sieun's head. It's supposed to be encouraging, but he knows that it's a silent threat to get on with it.
Sieun removes his hands from Suho's cock and places them behind his own back. He holds his hands together, imagines a fake handcuff that would prohibit him from using his hands.
He dives into Suho's dick again with determination and adoration fueling him. His gag reflex gets triggered the second time, but this time he pushes through it. He calms himself and breathes through his nose slowly, trying to relax around the intrusion in his throat. It works, and inch by inch, he devours Suho until his nose nudges against Suho's stomach. He inhales steadily, careful not to make any sudden movements. Exhales through his nose, and he moans.
"Fuck." He hears Suho say with the vowel sound being elongated. He stares up at him and can track the exact moment a droplet of sweat from Suho's forehead falls onto his face.
He swallows around Suho's cock, making his throat contract around the huge dick in him. Saliva pools at the corner of his mouth, but it doesn't spill because he's plugged up. He can feel the slight pain from how his lips are stretched thin. Can feel the trembling of his fingers behind him. Can see the slight shake of Suho's legs. Is aware of the ache in his knees on the hard floor. It doesn't hurt him though. On his knees, praying to his Suho, is where he belongs. It's a privilege that he doesn't want to waste. Being allowed to worship Suho is one of his greatest achievements in life.
He deep throats Suho's cock and doesn't stop. The slide is rewarding. It's heavy, hard, warm, and inside him.
"You're starving, huh?" Suho remarks. "You look so pretty, Sieun-ah. So pretty for me and the camera."
Suho looks down at him with such approval, and it cheers Sieun up, making him elated. Completes him. Through this act, Sieun hopes Suho can feel the admiration he has for him. He bobs his head, fucking his mouth on Suho's cock. It hits the back of his throat every time. It hurts, will probably ruin Sieun's voice, but it's just too thrilling.
Sieun gets surprised when Suho's thumb brushes his under-eye. Only then does he realize he has been shedding tears. The wetness has already reached his cheeks, and it keeps falling. Suho brushes his thumb again against his skin, catching a few tears. He raises his hand and brings his thumb to his own mouth, sucking it. He makes a show of it for Sieun.
The view makes Sieun suck Suho's dick even harder this time, tightening the suction his mouth has formed. He swallows again. Suho releases a hiss from above him and grabs the back of his head, forcefully pulling him back. It's so fast it gives him whiplash.
"Fuck, I almost came," Suho explains breathlessly, "We can't have that, can we?"
Sieun just stares at him, his head still processing that Suho's cock isn't in him anymore. He's more out of it than he'd like to admit.
"I want you so bad, Sieun-ah. Get on the bed," Suho orders.
Sieun doesn't move, can't move. He hears him, and he wants to obey, but his knees are glued to the floor. The pain of it has numbed; now just a dull ache he's used to.
Suho notices the delay in reaction and promptly asks, "Color?" with a clear worry in his voice.
Sieun's tunnel vision is all him—hard planes of muscle and slanted eyes. It's godly.
And so he takes note of the manner that Suho's eyes softened the moment he asked the question.
The question and the change of expression snap Sieun out of it. It takes him a moment to reply; he can feel his nerves trying to make sense of his surroundings. Suho caresses his face, trying to bring solace.
He comes back to himself.
"Green."
Sieun climbs to the bed and rests his head on the pillows as Suho takes off his own messy jeans and underwear. The phone makes a soft thud as it lands on the bed sheets.
"Your turn," Suho smirks at him.
He tries to get the phone, but he fails because Suho pounces on him like an animal. He kisses him everywhere like earlier, as if Sieun will disappear if he doesn't get to kiss every centimeter of skin he has.
Sieun's whole face is now so fucked up, dirtied by the mix of pre-cum, his own saliva, and now Suho's. Suho doesn't care, though, as he laps up everything on Sieun's skin. When he arrives at Sieun's lips, he gets even more eager, kissing him desperately. Sieun opens his lips, and Suho pushes his tongue instantly. Again, like a dog.
Sieun pulls away from him and commands, "Behave yourself."
"Sorry," Suho deflates, a frown to top everything off.
This man. When he orders Sieun around, Sieun is supposed to take it. And he does take it. But when it's his turn to Sieun order or reprimand him, he reacts as if his favorite toy gets taken away—the audacity.
It makes Sieun want to play with him more.
"No touching unless I say so," Sieun says, as confidently as he can, with a rasp in his voice.
Suho's face is a mixture of emotions, mostly sadness and defiance, when he heard what Sieun said. Sieun pays it no mind; he won't be swayed.
"I'm serious. You disobey me and we're stopping," Sieun continues with conviction. Suho merely nods at him.
He probably thinks I'm joking.
Sieun is determined to show Suho is his to own.
Sieun starts by pulling off his shirt and tossing it to the floor. He runs his hands throughout his whole torso, feeling himself. He's never felt as hungered for as when he presents himself to Suho like this. He relishes in the attention Suho is giving him. Suho's eyes follow every shift in his body from the small ones —the unintended tightening of his core— to the big ones, like when he circles his own nipple and moans because of it.
It has the desired effect.
"Sieun-ah," Suho pleads. It's not quite begging; they'll get there later.
Sieun does it again, traces his perky nipples slowly with his fingers. When he pinches one of them, he releases a whimper.
Now, he can see Suho digging his fingers into his palms. His fists are tight and unmoving; the short nails will likely leave indents on his skin, accompanied by a flush of redness at the site. Such a vulnerable body.
Sieun ignores his pleas. Instead, he chooses to massage his own pecs. He fondles them, playing with them as if they're putty in his hands. He feels the way the muscle gives. His fingers then saunter to his nipples again. He slides them in between the gaps of his fingers and rolls them.
A gasp escapes his mouth along with an involuntary roll of his hips.
From this angle, he can see his erection tenting his sweatpants. The wetness at the front of the fabric is unmistakable. Fuck. He's desperate for it too. He's been turned on since they entered the apartment. He needs more. He needs Suho.
His resolve gets broken more quickly than he'd like to admit. Thankfully, Sieun has other ways of shattering Suho.
"Show me your hands," Sieun says.
Suho is confused, but he follows nonetheless. He opens his palms, and the marks appear as Sieun predicted—another confirmation of Suho's susceptible body. Sieun shudders with dread and delight.
"Put them on me. Start with taking off my pants," Sieun directs him, his hands still stimulating his nipples.
Suho efficiently obeys and throws Sieun's pants haphazardly. It lands next to the phone on the bed, and it is just then that Sieun remembers it. He stops what he was doing and snatches it. He starts filming Suho.
Suho isn't wasting any time. He positions himself between Sieun's legs and asks, "Can I?" to which Sieun can only nod.
He's expecting the moist mouth of Suho on his cock, but Suho once more stupefies him. His tongue reaches down farther than Sieun would predict, and he licks, sending a jolt through Sieun's body.
"Fuck!" Sieun nearly screams when Suho's broad tongue licks a stripe from his hole to his taint. Sieun's breathing starts to get heavy again, wet exhales escaping his mouth.
Suho giggles to himself. He does it again a few more times until he decides it's enough. He puckers his lips and starts kissing Sieun's hole. A quick peck at first, but his lips stay there, and he sucks, the thin skin giving into Suho's ministrations.
A deep moan releases from Sieun's throat, his composure wavering faster than he anticipated.
Suho has the power to do that to him.
From this angle of the camera, only Suho's hair can be seen. It doesn't capture everything, like the wet slide of tongue on his ass, then circling it, tracing the shape of it.
It doesn't capture the bliss of having Suho like this, in between his legs, honoring him. This god, this angel, transforming into an image of a man before his very eyes, destroyed by lust and gluttony. Licking into him, saliva everywhere, as if he can't get enough of the taste of Sieun—as if his greatest meal is Sieun.
A dog, when it comes to Sieun.
Sieun is going to lose his mind.
It doesn't capture just how fucking good it feels. Especially when Suho finally lets his tongue breach into Sieun's hole, and a deep pleasure shoots through Sieun's entire body. A loud moan echoes throughout the room, and he can feel the way Suho's ears perk up between his thighs. The sound urges Suho to start lapping inside him greedily. The wetness is spread against his walls, and Sieun's body welcomes Suho.
His hole twitches around the tip of the moist tongue when Suho retracts and then slides back in. It starts slow enough before Suho starts slamming, properly fucking him now with this tongue.
"Fuck. 'S good, Suho. You're so good for me." Sieun moans.
He's surprised he can still form intelligible sentences at this point, when Suho is eating him out as if his life depends on it.
As if he can't survive without this.
Sieun feels the same way.
Suho stops out of nowhere.
Sieun crashes down back to earth and catches his breath.
It feels like his soul was stolen from his body.
Why?
Sieun props his head and tries to find out what's more important to Suho than eating him out. He sees Suho staring at the mess he made of Sieun's hole, admiring the view.
Before he can fully fix himself, Suho starts kissing his hole again. This time, it's headed upwards. Suho's face slowly enters the frame as his lips kiss his perineum, his balls, up to his shaft, and finally land on the head of his cock. A look of satisfaction covers his face when the camera sees him. Closed eyes, soft brows, and a relaxed forehead greet Sieun. He moans at the scenery.
Suho opens his eyes and stares into his soul. His touch has given it back to Sieun's body.
As their eye contact deepens, Suho winks at him.
He then immediately swallows the head of Sieun's cock. He sucks the head into his mouth and uses his tongue to tease at the hole that's leaking pre-cum. Sieun's breath escapes him again, and his head hits the pillow.
Suho keeps sucking at the head and using his tongue to add more sensation, as if Sieun needed more at this point. Suho looks good in the video with Sieun's dick in his mouth. He moans around it while a dribble of spit makes its way down to Sieun's balls. He looks phenomenal, the camera capturing the nuances of his expression, especially the way his mouth fills when he swallows the whole of Sieun's dick.
His pace is fast and uncoordinated, bobbing his head repeatedly. His throat is fucking fantastic, tight, hot, and wet. Unlike him, Suho has no gag reflex, so his dick slides right in easily and goes out just as effortlessly. Sometimes it feels like Suho was born to take his cock, work out his jaw for Sieun's pleasure only. No way can anyone else experience this. This is for Sieun only.
Suho continues the unrelenting momentum, and Sieun isn't going to last long if he keeps this up. He's already high-strung from the rimming Suho gave him earlier. Suho sloppily taking his cock isn't helping.
Suho's reverence for him is addictive.
And so it hurts when Sieun taps Suho's shoulder and says, "Suho, slow down."
Suho doesn't pay attention, too lost in the act. His eyes are closed, carrying on with his praise.
Sieun gets it, but this time, Suho has to listen to him.
"Suho." Bitter, almost vindictive
The demand finally gets through Suho's head, and he looks at Sieun.
"I said slow down."
Suho retreats and nods at him.
"Yes, Sieun-ah."
When he goes back to his ministrations, he does it by slowly licking the shaft of Sieun's cock. He coats Sieun's cock with his saliva, and the excess drips down to the sheets. The impending orgasm backs away from Sieun, but the persisting touch makes it so that he doesn't lose interest.
Eventually, he feels the touch of a fingertip near his hole. It's prodding but not insistent. It's asking for permission.
Suho pulls off his dick with a pop and says, "Can I, Sieun?"
Sieun is so glad for the camera. This moment should be immortalized. And because of Sieun's idea, it is.
Suho's hair is all tousled from all the movements he's been doing. His lips are red and glistening, and they frame his open mouth. He's panting, his tongue peeking out whenever he inhales. His chin is drenched, eyes a little bit glassy.
Fuck.
He's here.
Suho is here, succumbing before Sieun, asking for his approval.
He has selected Sieun even after everything. Suho has bestowed power upon Sieun, allowing Sieun to make Suho his.
And now, he's asking permission from Sieun.
Sieun is consumed by greed.
"Sieun-ah, can I?" Suho's repeats; his voice cuts through Sieun's thoughts. He feels Suho's fingers pressing into him again.
"I don't know. Do you deserve it?" Sieun retorts.
Suho deserves everything. Sieun just wants to prolong this, see Suho crumble under him.
"Yes," Suho says assuredly.
"Are you sure? You weren't listening to me earlier."
Suho frowns, "I just wanted to make you feel good, Sieun-ssi."
"You're making excuses now?" Sieun scoffs. He sees Suho's face twist in real time, and a tingle runs through him.
"I'm sorry," Suho says, defeated.
"What was that?" Sieun probes further. Just a little more.
"I'm sorry," Suho replies louder.
It's music to Sieun's ears.
"Ask me again, properly this time."
"Can I make you feel good again, Sieun-ah?" Suho pulls out his best puppy-dog eyes, topped with a slight pout. God.
Sieun, satisfied, sighs before saying, "That's better."
Suho perks up from his words.
"But, no. I'll do it myself."
Sieun's greed has become his compass. Suho has given Sieun the privilege to destroy him. It's what Sieun will do. If only to prove that he can, that no one else can. Not Wooyoung, not Beomseok, not Seongje, not Baekjin, not God, not fate, not destiny.
But Sieun.
Sieun is a devout but blasphemous disciple of Suho.
Suho's face crumbles. Pitiful. Shattered.
"Sieun-ah. I've been so good," he explains, trying to convince Sieun once more.
It would work in different circumstances. Suho is Sieun's weakness after all. There is no question about that. But right now, for the sake of the camera and the sake of Sieun, Suho has to fall from grace because of Sieun. And Sieun will catch him as always.
"No," Sieun says with finality, "Sit there and just film me. No touching."
It hurts him to say it again, but it has to be done. Sieun's weakness is also Suho's weakness. He knows the banning of contact will ruin him further.
He hands the phone to Suho, who has such a woeful appearance that Sieun thinks he might start tearing up soon.
Sieun positions himself comfortably in the sheets and lays his head down. He spread his legs, unashamedly showing the camera and Suho his hole. It's so wet, so hungry that if he pushes in a finger now, it'll probably go in with no resistance. And so he tries it.
Without any preamble, Sieun takes his middle finger and slips it in.
Before he can react, Suho beats him to it. Suho moans at him.
"Hah— You like watching me?" Sieun taunts him.
He thrusts a single finger inside himself while his other fingers rub the perimeter of his hole. A steady pace, just enough to satiate him.
"Yeah," Suho exhales, "You look beautiful. Every part of you is beautiful."
He responds with sincerity as he points the phone straight to Sieun's face.
It throws Sieun off for a moment; his finger stops, breath shaking.
Sieun's beauty comes from Suho.
He remembers the first time he was affected by beauty.
The rise and fall of a chest, a bruised lip, a white bandage on the cheek, and a broken arm. The hospital light shone above his head, and a soft halo formed.
Sieun has only known his own beauty because Suho showed him what beauty could entail.
The wounds and cuts made him even more breathtaking. A vulnerable god. An oxymoron, but Sieun decided that it can exist because here Suho was, laid out before him, peaceful and alive. Sieun reached out his hand and tapped his shoulder.
He wakes.
The next time Sieun saw Suho in that position, he didn't.
Sieun lets out a breath—almost like a bull—as a surge of wrath and guilt crashes into him at the reminder of what happened to his Suho.
He needs to focus; only he can break Suho in his own way.
He hopes the camera didn't capture his stumble.
"Yeah? This is all for you, hyung," Sieun pants, trying to push Suho's buttons.
He pulls out his finger and spits in his hand. When he inserts two back in, he does so harshly. His hole stretches a little bit. He needs to do more preparation to accommodate Suho later. He starts at a faster pace than before, fucking himself roughly. The sound of squelching starts reverberating through the room.
"Fuck. You're killing me over here," Suho laments.
Good.
He can see how antsy Suho is, his jittery movements, his uneven breaths, his heavy-lidded eyes. Despite it all, he's been obedient. He's staying still, but when Sieun looks at him, he sees a dog bowing down to his owner.
Just a few more of this, and he'll have mercy on him soon. While he did it to wear down Suho, he doesn't like the distance. Reminds him of what happened before, when touch was too high of a hurdle for Sieun to overcome. When touch meant infecting Suho's resting body with his unworthiness.
Sieun pushes a third finger in, and he aims directly at his prostate.
"God, Suho. It feels so good," Sieun moans, makes it all slutty for Suho and the camera. He makes it worth the space between them.
It feels too good, actually. The only thing missing is Suho himself. He needs to slow down before he cums, but fuck, his fingers keep hitting the right places. He clenches down on them, and another moan rips through his whole body.
"Ugh, Suho," Sieun says his name with glory. He misses Suho already.
"Sieun-ssi, please. I need you. I need you so badly," Suho begs.
There it is.
This never gets old to Sieun. When Suho, a person people look up to for strength, guidance, and protection, breaks down. Breaks down not because of injustice, but because he allowed Sieun to. In a way, Suho is stronger because of it. He allows his weakness to consume him for a moment. He gets it out of his system because out there, he has to prove something. Though in these still nights, when their labored breaths are the only tune that plays, Suho is Suho.
And Suho is Sieun's.
Sieun's resolve gets destroyed again.
Sieun is Suho's, too.
A pang of disappointment hits Sieun that the camera didn't capture Suho.
Finally, he pulls out his fingers and crawls to where Suho is sitting. He holds up the three wet fingers to his face and says, "Suck."
Suho obeys, and he closes his mouth around the digits. He has no finesse with it, swirling his tongue all around, sucking it further, moaning around it. He's trembling, probably from excitement that he gets to touch Sieun again. He looks in bliss.
"Good dog," Sieun retorts while nodding at him.
Suho beams at the response, and he looks at Sieun eye to eye. His brows soften, and he smiles around the fingers in his mouth.
He looks so fucking silly that Sieun can't help but let out a giggle.
Suho's eyes fill with affection. And Sieun can't help it, so he removes his fingers, and he kisses Suho, not letting him catch his breath. He wants his next breath to be full of him. He lets the energy flow between the two of them, lets the moment guide them. The kiss is unpolished—with tongue, teeth, spit, and lips all moving together, so that every part of them has become unrecognizable. The important thing is that they're connected.
That they're here, together.
Sieun breaks the kiss. He's also getting pent up now. As much as he knows how much Suho needs him, Sieun also needs Suho.
"Lie back on the headboard," Sieun orders, tone less stern than last time.
Sieun reaches for the lube as Suho scrambles, adjusting the phone before moving to his place. He knows where this is going.
Suho sits up, his back resting on the headboard as Sieun climbs onto his lap, phone capturing it. Suho trembles in response. Sieun's ass rests on Suho's thick and firm thighs like a perfect seat. He places the lube next to them.
He hugs him before anything else. He needs to feel Suho's warmth and skin again. He missed him during all that. His arms envelop Suho's frame, and he burrows his head in Suho's neck. Suho is confused at first—his body stilling from Sieun's actions and the phone falling from his grasp—but eventually, his arms wrap around Sieun too.
Sieun lets go, and his hand crawls up and up until it reaches Suho's face. He withdraws his head from Suho's neck to gaze at him straight in his eyes. His fingers slowly caress Suho's face, thumb rubbing slow circles on the soft skin. As smoothly as possible, he moves his hand up again and presses two fingers to Suho's temple. They then make their way down, a straight journey to under Suho's jaw. Sieun applies pressure.
It's there. He feels the pulse thunder underneath his touch. It's strong, just like Suho himself.
Thank God.
His fingers stay there for a minute or two before Suho gently takes his hand and kisses it.
"You okay?" Suho asks. Various emotions swirl behind the question.
"Yeah," Sieun reaffirms him.
Suho smiles again. He doesn't need to say anything else.
He pecks Suho's cheeks once more and then grabs the phone. He rotates it vertically, and the frame perfectly captures Suho. His face is so beautiful and his body sculpted; all this for Sieun.
Sieun moves his hips a little, grinding both of their cocks together as an experiment. It pays off when Suho moans and throws his head back. So Sieun does it again. And again. And again.
He stops when Suho desperately utters, "Please. Sieun-ssi. Please. I need you."
Sieun decides to succumb to pity. He can never resist a begging, starving dog.
Sieun, with his free hand, grabs the lube and squirts some on Suho's dick. He throws the squeeze bottle somewhere on the floor.
And then he positions himself on top of Suho's huge cock. His fingers guide it into his wanton hole. The tip glides with ease. This is the easiest part, the head. It progressively gets harder the more Sieun sinks down. Suho's cock thickens further, stretching Sieun even more. Every time they fuck, there's a part of him that thinks he might break while taking Suho's cock. He gets proven wrong every time. It's no different now, even if it burns as Sieun takes the last couple of inches, he'll get there, as always. They were made for each other.
Sieun finally bottoms out. He grinds once before a sharp and loud, "Hnnh!" stuns him.
Sieun focuses his—and the camera's—attention on Suho. Suho, his rock, has his face all scrunched up, sweat covering his whole body, as his erratic breath fills the room. He's still as a statue. Sieun rests his hand on Suho's chest; the melody thrums beneath his fingers. He grinds once more.
"Sieun! Slow down. Please."
Suho looks panicked. He's still not moving, almost as if he's bound.
Sieun lets out a small laugh.
"Hyung, are you going to come already?" Sieun says mockingly, a smile on his face.
Suho doesn't look at him. He hides his face in his own shoulder while shivering.
"Please, Sieun-ah." His small voice trembles with it, and every word is shaky. He's pitiful.
Sieun removes his hand from his chest, and he grabs his chin, turning his face towards him. When Suho blinks at him, tears escape his eyes and travel down from his under-eyes to his cheeks, until they hit his chin, and they fall to his chest.
Holy fuck. A wave of ecstasy hits Sieun all at once. It takes hold of his body, beating down on him. With his body thrumming with it, he unexpectedly clenches down on Suho's cock. His reaction is immediate. His head hangs back and hits the headboard, and a sob rips through him.
"Nnh!" Suho starts. It's pained and strained.
He doesn't stop his pleas.
"Sieun-ah. Sieun. Please. Sieun-" A hiccup interrupts him, but he continues.
"Sieun. Sieun." His cries are loud now, and tears wet his face; a weeping statue for Sieun.
It's too holy. Sieun turns off the camera for a little while. It's useless right now; it can never capture the complexity of the situation. Sieun needs to live in this moment. He needs to be grounded to fully appreciate the view. He's seeing a resurrection.
"Sieun-ah," Suho cries again. His eyes are hazy from the tears and the space he's in. Lips trembling every time he mutters Sieun's name like a prayer.
"Please," Suho begs one more time.
Sieun may be blasphemous, but he is not heartless.
He also breaks, especially when it comes to Suho.
With both of his hands, Sieun cups Suho's face and shushes him comfortingly.
He presses Suho into him, and Suho's arms wrap around him too. Almost all of their skin is touching. Maybe this would be better, Suho inside him. It would be safer for him to be encapsulated by Sieun. This way, Sieun could protect him. There's already so much space in Sieun dedicated to Suho. Suho could open him up, climb inside him with no problem, and live there. There, he cannot get harmed—Sieun's body is his sanctuary.
Suho sniffles in the crook of his neck, trying to catch his breath. Sieun asks softly, "Color?" to which Suho replies with a croaked out, "Green."
Sieun lets a few minutes pass before he grabs Suho's face again with his two hands. They exchange breaths, with how close they are. I'm sorry, he doesn't say.
He kisses Suho's left eye. I'm sorry. His right eye. I'm sorry. His right cheekbone. I'm sorry. His left cheekbone. I'm sorry. His forehead. I'm sorry. His nose. I'm sorry. His chin. I'm sorry for everything.
His lips. "I'll do anything for you," he finally whispers. It's the truest and loudest thing Sieun has ever said. Suho quivers.
They sigh into each other's mouths.
Suho makes their forehead touch and says, "I'm yours, Sieun-ah."
He cups Sieun's face and looks into his eyes, "And you're mine too."
It's ultimate.
"I'll do anything for you, too."
Sieun initially cringes at the idea. He wants Suho to be protected. He wants him to be safe. He doesn't need Suho to do anything. He just needs him here. Sieun can do the rest.
But Sieun knows. He knows that Suho also feels the same way about him. Knows he can't take a backseat. Knows he'll always save him. Knows he'll cross the line for him. Because if anything else, Suho also needs him here just as much as he does.
And so, they'll be each other's obligation, take on everything that comes with it. Because that's who they are, Suho and Sieun.
They really are meant for each other.
They kiss each other with vigor. They kiss as if they're trying to consume one another. When their tongues touch, everything behind these words is understood.
Sieun breaks the kiss. He's had enough. He picks up the phone and hands it to Suho.
"Film me. I'll make this good for you."
Suho responds with eagerness and opens the phone camera to start filming.
Sieun starts by grinding again, more purposefully this time. He moves his hips back and forth, eliciting pleasure from both of them, but he knows it's not enough. That's when he positions his knees on the bed and raises himself up until only the tip of Suho's cock remains in him.
He slams down hard.
"Fuck!" Suho screams and Sieun moans with him.
It's not enough. Sieun is a greedy person. He does it again, going up and coming back down, setting a fast pace. He's so fucking pent-up. He can't get enough. He can't get enough. It feels so— fuck.
"Yeah, keep riding me. Fuck," Suho moans brokenly as Sieun tightens because of his words.
His other hand comes up and spanks Sieun's ass.
"Ah!"
He falters from the shock. The pain stings, and he clenches around the giant dick inside him. Fuck. The ache pushes him to bounce even harder. It feels so fucking good. It fills him up so well, stretches the right places. He's so full of Suho. He tells him this.
"You—hah—you fill me up so good, Suho-ya," Sieun says.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. It's like—it's like, you were made for me, shit," Sieun continues. Suho's hand finds his waist. His hand takes up so much space, infinitely bigger than Sieun's. It brackets him, making Sieun feel small.
"Nh— that's— that's because I was, baby." Suho squeezes his waist when Sieun does a particularly powerful thrust down. His nails dig into Sieun's skin, and Sieun loves it. Suho is so fucking hot like this. He looks ruined, letting Sieun take from him.
He takes Suho's hand from his waist and guides it to his stomach, pressing it there.
"You're so big, Suho. I can feel it right here." A jolt of electricity passes through him. They both can feel the way Suho's cock thrusts in and out of him under his skin.
"God, Sieun. God," Suho pants. He's getting breathless, his hips trying to thrust up into Sieun. Sieun will let him do that eventually, but for now, he'll play with him first.
Without stopping his speed, he lets go of Suho's hand, but it stays there on his stomach, afraid of letting go.
His fingers come up to Suho's face while the other one wraps around his neck. He applies pressure on his throat. His other thumb opens Suho's mouth and presses down on his tongue.
The maneuver makes Suho's eyes go murky and roll up to his head. His breath hitches. Sieun keeps him there for a few seconds, his fingers becoming a hazard.
He lets the implications of it flood his brain.
He only lets go when he hears Suho's loud: "Chk!"
Sieun pulls back at once, letting Suho compose himself again. He resorts to continuously grinding instead of bouncing.
Suho looks like he's lost his mind.
Sieun is saddened by the fact that the camera didn't get to see what happened. Suho's hand, which was holding it, rests on his stomach, and it only got to film Sieun.
He soothes himself by thinking that while the camera has missed a lot, it has also immortalized considerably more.
Suho sluggishly comes back to himself, and Sieun starts riding him again. He slowly pulls out, each drag stimulating his insides, until Suho's cock is only kissing his hole. He drops himself swiftly.
"Ugh!" Suho's wrecked voice is his favorite song. His head lolls onto his shoulder, like it's too heavy to hold up.
"You're so fucking hot, hyung," Sieun chokes out. Suho is pretty like this. All pliable, fragmented, and Sieun's.
Suho responds by squirming beneath him, hips stuttering up. He's close.
Sieun stops and repositions himself. He leans back, his arms supporting him as they rest on the sheets behind him. He plants his feet on the bed. With this position, he can roll his hips while bouncing, and so he does it.
"Take what you need, Suho-ya. I know you want to," Sieun coaxes Suho. Suho acts quickly, like he's been waiting for this moment for ages. He thrusts up in Sieun's hole.
"Oh fuck!" Sieun moans. Before he knows it, Suho has fully flipped them over. His back—along with the phone—hits the bed. Suho takes his encouragement to heart as he spreads his legs wide to accommodate him in between.
Sieun grabs the phone and directs it to Suho, who's now placing one of his legs on his shoulder and the other close to his waist. He pulls out inch by inch, eyes trained on Sieun's hole as he scrutinizes it. He must be enjoying the scene as he's not paying attention to anything else. Sieun has half a mind to tell him to hurry up, but Suho beats him to it.
He pushes inside him, hard. So fucking hard that Sieun is convinced he can feel it reach his throat.
"Gah!" Sieun gasps. Suho doesn't stop. He sets a brutal pace that has Sieun grasping tightly at the sheets. Whimpers and moans falling freely from his lips.
"Hah—Sieun. You're so fucking tight. Feels like my dick is going to fall off," Suho says, continuing to ram into Sieun. He looks animalistic. His hair sticks to his forehead, bangs all swept away. Eyes never leaving Sieun. His body moves uncontrollably, like he has a one-track mind—fucking Sieun senseless.
It's working.
"Fuck. I— Suho. Fuck! Ah—" Sieun can't stop the sounds coming out of him; he doesn't even try anymore. Suho's probably getting off of it too, reducing the quiet, reserved Yeon Sieun to a babbling, mumbling mess under him. Fuck if it doesn't turn Sieun on too.
"Yeah? You like it?" Suho asks. He already knows the answer; he likely just wants to hear it from Sieun himself.
Sieun gives it to him, throwing a bone to him.
"Hyung, you make me feel so good. You're so good to me," Sieun manages to let out through his whines. Suho is fucking him so fiercely, the video will probably turn out blurry as fuck from all the movement.
"Such a good dog for me, huh?" Sieun continues.
"God, Sieun," Suho groans. He turns his head, facing Sieun's foot on his shoulder. He sticks out his tongue and licks his sole from bottom to top. When he reaches his toes, he takes the big one and closes his mouth around it, sucking fervently.
The way Suho praises him gives meaning to Sieun's life.
"Filthy fucking dog," Sieun sighs at him.
Suho lets go of his foot and starts fucking him even harder. There's a certain sloppiness to his thrusts now. They've done this enough that Sieun knows he's going to cum soon. Sieun's not going to last long either when he's being fucked within an inch of his life.
"You gonna fill me up, hyung? Yeah? You gonna do it?" Sieun is provoking him.
"Ngh—" Suho's driving into him so messily, chasing his pleasure. Sieun takes hold of himself and starts pumping to the rhythm of Suho's thrusts.
"Do it. Do it. Cum inside of me, Suho."
Suho, ever obedient, pumps inside, once, twice, before stilling and cumming inside of Sieun. He's claimed him now.
Sieun cums with him.
It's like being born again.
No, it's like being born. Just like when he met Suho for the first time, when his eyes opened, and he saw life.
Suho has the power to do that. Not a god, nor an animal, but a man. Suho.
Sieun thinks of himself as foolish for ever praying or wishing when it came to him and Suho.
Suho would say they were destined, married in a past life, and all of that. Sieun would argue that it is through their sheer will that they have found each other. Their entrance into each other's lives is not an act of fate, but rather an act of survival. They have been thirsty throughout their entire existence, and as they were searching for water, their legs walked them to each other.
Sieun does not believe destiny or God has made them. It is through their own volition that they met. And Sieun, with his and Suho's determination, will make sure that they remain.
Sieun wakes up alone in bed. He's lying on clean sheets, his body still naked. He can't move as he still aches everywhere. His actions are sloth-like.
He looks around the room. His phone, along with the lube, is on his desk. His clothes are neatly folded on the cabinet, but he can't see Suho's.
The room is cold, his own body heat the only warmth he feels. His own breath is the only one he hears.
He can feel his heartbeat pick up.
Fuck.
Where the fuck is S-
Suho bursts into the room carrying a pitcher of water. He's dressed in his outfit earlier and says, "Oh, you're awake. You thirsty? Here, drink this."
He sits down on the bed with Sieun and brings the pitcher to his lips, while his other hand is holding his chin for support. Sieun wasn't aware of how thirsty he actually was until he chugged down the water. It glides down his esophagus, and he feels it cool down his body. He stops drinking for a moment to catch his breath, and some water slips out from the corner of his lips. He doesn't pay it any mind as he gulps the remaining water inside the container. It eases his parched body. Suho watches him through all of it.
"Are you going somewhere?" Sieun questions him.
"Huh?" His head tilts to the side a little as he asks for clarification.
Sieun looks at him, starting from his shoes up to his head. "You're all dressed up."
"Oh," Suho finally notices. He shakes his head and says, "No, it just felt weird walking around your mother's apartment naked."
He snorts out an easy laugh and winks at Sieun. Sieun sighs in response, but a small smile tugs at his lips.
The apartment is silent again, unmoving. It's probably the dead of the night now; everyone else would be asleep.
Sieun lies in bed again and covers his face with his arm.
He huffs.
"Don't do that," he mutters.
"Hm?" Suho shifts closer to him. He feels the bed dip beside him and a hand touches his hip comfortingly.
"You were gone." Sieun doesn't explain further. His clothes were nowhere to be found, the room was cold, and Sieun woke up alone. A lump in his throat appears; he tries to swallow it down.
Suho breathes and then removes his arm from his face. Light immediately hits his eyes.
Suho lies so close he can see every pore of his. Suho blinks at him for a moment.
"I'm sorry," Suho says, all serious. His voice is full of sincerity. He understands.
Sieun closes his eyes and nods. This wasn't how this was supposed to end. It was supposed to be fun and lighthearted.
Suho, bless him, tries to lighten the mood again.
He turns away from Sieun and stares at the ceiling, spreading his body like a starfish.
"That was good, huh? My Sieun is so smart," Suho says as he ruffles his hair. Sieun leans in to the touch.
"You just love yourself too much, that's why you liked it," Sieun deadpans. He remembers Suho telling him about the times he modeled. He really does look majestic in front of the camera.
Suho lets out a loud laugh. It echoes through the room, and his cheeks get full because of it. The real thing looks even better.
His laughter mellows out, and the serenity comes back.
Suho asks, "No, seriously, how did you think of that?"
Sieun has an easy enough answer to that question, and so he says, "I just wanted a keepsake."
"A keepsake?"
"Yeah, when you're not here. Or when you're—" He stops himself from finishing the sentence. He's now starting to harbor a deep hatred for that word.
Suho pauses, but he tries to hide it. Unluckily for him, Sieun sees through him.
Suho corrects his hesitation as best as he can and says, "Yah, Sieun-ah, you know I won't leave you right? Even if you want to get rid of me. You'll be stuck with me forever."
Suho pulls him closer, their bodies slot together like final pieces of a puzzle. His head rests on Suho's chest. He can hear his heartbeat even through the cloth.
Of course he knows this. Suho's devotion to him cannot be understated.
But.
"Yeah. It's just, sometimes—" The lump reappears again. He's never been good with words.
"Hm?" Suho urges him.
"Sometimes," Sieun exhales, "Sometimes, I miss you. Even when you're here."
Sieun sighs and burrows his head deeper into Suho's chest. It's the second time tonight he's had to convince himself to say something. It's the second time tonight that he's afraid of what Suho will say. It's hard, but he knows it's worth it. He matters, here with Suho.
Suho lightly pulls at the back of his head so that he can look at him.
Their eyes meet, and he understands.
Relief courses through his body. Sieun is smart, but sometimes he can be dumb. Suho sees him, the first person to ever do so. There is no reason to doubt him.
They know each other.
Suho doesn't say anything for a few minutes. It seems like he's racking his brain for an answer to tell Sieun. He doesn't need to say anything at this point.
Sieun knows. He understands too.
So when Suho does speak, it surprises him.
"Sieun, I'll live for you," Suho declares, not just to Sieun but to the heavens and earth too.
Sieun is stunned. He examines Suho's face. The only thing he finds is Suho's sureness.
He gazes in Suho's eyes. He doesn't want to blink, but his body betrays him and he does. Wetness escapes from his eyes, and he feels them fall on his face. His breath has been taken from his lungs.
He hiccups, and the dam is broken.
He cries.
It affects his whole body, shoulders shaking, and lips trembling. His nose fills up with snot.
Suho hugs him tighter. All he can see in Suho is love and certainty. He strokes Sieun's wet face.
All Sieun is, is Suho's.
Sieun takes a deep breath and tries to steady himself.
Steady enough to say, "I'll live for you too, Suho."