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After their dinner, Maddie spent the whole night staring at her ceiling as she mapped out plans upon plans. There were things she needed to keep in mind when making them, like that she had to make sure Christopher stayed with Buck and that this had to be a solution, not just a temporary fix. She couldn’t just send him away for a few months and hope Eddie would somehow fix himself while he was gone, she wasn’t that naïve. And staying on the road wasn’t an option for him either, while he spent a good chunk of his life traveling, he couldn't do the same thing with a child. Especially not with a child who needed regular physical therapy.
The course of action was pretty simple, a divorce. It is the cleanest way for this to end, and if needed, he could file for a restraining order. But she knew that filing for divorce could… aggravate the person being served the divorce papers. So she needed to get her brother out of Eddie's reach, for long enough that a divorce go through, if not finalize. In California, it takes 6 months to a year for a divorce to be finalized, and in the best-case scenario, her brother would be away for all of it.
But no matter how much she wished she did, she didn’t have enough money saved up for him to just be able to be on the run even for a fraction of that time. Which meant that Buck would need to get a job. Said job would also need to have good insurance, for Chris.
Well, there was one job that was perfect, the one he was already doing. All she needed to do was get him transferred to a different station, one that was far, far away, preferably in a different state. Something irked at the back of her mind. Buck has firefighter friends in Texas, doesn’t he? She swears he has talked about them to her before. That was something she should look into. What else does he need? A good divorce lawyer. Another thing to add to her list. She lay wide-eyed in her bed and decided that making sure her brother could be as safe as possible was more important than sleep.
She wasn’t surprised that by the time exhaustion was setting into her bones, the sun was coming up. She looked at the clock and figured that she had to go to work soon anyway. All she needed was a little coffee.
------
Even during her worst times with Doug, she had a reprieve when one or both of them was at work. Which was the first place she tried to talk to catch Buck, two days later, on his first shift since Eddie got back? Only for Eddie to be sitting around the 118's dining table like he belonged there when she arrived. Because 'he wanted to spend as much time with his husband as he could' and he said it with such a fond smile too, she wasn't even surprised it fooled everyone. And if a person took into consideration her little brother's inability to lie, but his convincing smile, their act was all but perfect. And when did he get so good at that? Lying to everyone's face, pretending everything wasn't just normal or okay, but amazing. When did he learn to smile wide and add pep to his words when he was dying on the inside?
Despite the image Eddie was trying to project, Maddie knew better. She knew this play all too well. She knew exactly what Eddie was doing here, he was asserting to Buck that there were no safe spaces, that no matter where he went, nobody would help him. And he was making himself out to be a perfect man and husband in the eyes of Buck's support system. So that even if Buck tried to ask for help, he'd be met with disbelief.
They'd say something like, ' He hits you? No, no, he's such a nice guy, I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding. '
Despite trying to visualize the 118 brushing off her brother, the words in her mind echoed in the voice of someone she hasn’t spoken to in years, a friend, or someone who used to be one anyway. With her continued late nights, it's been harder to block her memories from surfacing. But she was fine with the sleep she was getting, if she didn’t fall deep enough asleep, she didn’t have to see the blood in the snow, the blood on her hands, the blood covering Doug.
She shook herself out of her memories, she had to help her brother. Memories of Doug had no place in her mind right now. She just really wished that if Buck went to someone for help, he'd come to her, because she would know to keep her mouth shut until he was safe. She wouldn’t approach Eddie to try to make sense of it, she wouldn’t put her brother in danger.
She doesn’t think Eddie would hurt her brother where witnesses could see, but still, she felt like if she left, Buck would get hurt. She had no way of knowing what went on behind closed doors. And with the way Eddie was observing every move Buck made, she was sure he'd find something to be mad at him about. It made bile rise in her throat. She needed a plan and fast.
But in all his acting as the perfect husband, Eddie Diaz forgot to account for one thing when he trapped her brother, Maddie. Maddie would always believe Buck, even if his husband looked like a perfect man on the outside, she could see right through him. She stared him down even as she had to leave. His eyes trailed her, and it felt like being locked in a staring contest with a predator. Like being eye to eye with a dangerous animal, and one wrong move would get her ripped to shreds. But from the way he was tense, she knew that he knew, that she too was a predator, and she wouldn’t hesitate to go for his jugular if that’s what was needed to keep her brother safe.
The first step to that was getting him out from under Eddie's thumb, even if just for a few hours, so she could let him know she's working on a way to help him. A way to keep him safe.
She needed to keep him safe, she needed to talk to him. It was a no-brainer to invite Buck over so they could talk. She knew that Buck wouldn’t say anything with Eddie hovering around, so she just needed to get him alone. Then she will be able to help him.
-----
So when Maddie opened her door, expecting Buck to come, like she told him to, something felt like it was boiling over inside of her when she saw Eddie right behind him. Still, she invited them in, because she doesn’t want to do anything that would make Eddie hurt her brother over. And god knows Doug hit her enough for things she didn’t even do that she won’t risk it.
The whole night, she tried her best to be a good host, but she wasn’t all there. All her senses were honed into Eddie, every move he made, every twitch of his fingers, was enough to have her zero in on him.
At some point in the night, Buck excused himself to go to the bathroom, and if it wasn’t suspicions that she followed him, she would have. Instead, her eyes locked onto Buck's phone on the coffee table.
With more grace and sleight of hand than she thought she was capable of, she collected all their cups and scooped up Evan's phone in the process before excusing herself to the kitchen. She didn’t want to be in the same room as the man abusing her brother if she didn’t have to, and she couldn’t do this with Eddie watching.
Buck's phone didn’t have a passcode, and she's never been more grateful for how Chris always used his phone for games.
She quickly clicked into his contacts, searching for a name. She wasn’t sure what the name was, but she knew that when she read it, she would recognize it as the firefighter from Texas. Buck has talked about the guy a few times, and his name is just some initials. If only she could remember them.
Her eyes landed on TK, that was it. She quickly opened the contact and wrote the number on the first piece of paper she found lying around. Maddie made sure the numbers were readable before shoving the paper in her pocket, just in time, too, because just then she heard her toilet flush. She tried to click out of the contact, but accidentally ended up in his messages with TK. She didn’t get the time to read anything, but there was quite a bit of text. She really hoped that meant they were at least friendly, and he would be inclined to help Buck.
She heard the door open and Buck walking down the hallway. Shit, she needed to sneak his phone back before Eddie could notice. Her eyes darted around before they landed on the coat rack next to her door, just outside the kitchen, that had both Eddie and Buck's jackets on it. All she had to do was slip Buck's phone into his jacket. And he'd just think he forgot it there.
They stayed for almost an hour after that, which included a 20-minute search for Buck's phone until it was found in his jacket pocket. She tried to keep them as long as possible, but Eddie said he was tired, so she had to let them go. She just hopes he wasn’t lying about being tired or that, at the very least, he would be tired enough that he wouldn’t hit her brother tonight.
It kept her awake all night. The guilt of letting her brother leave with that man.
------
It's been nearly a week since Eddie returned, and her plan was crystallizing more and more with each passing second. First thing this morning, and the thing that would put this whole thing into motion, is meeting with a lawyer.
She has spent the last week observing her brother, and it was worse than she thought. Eddie had him locked down. It was so officiant, so seamless that if she wasn't looking for it, she wouldn't have seen it. But she was looking and she was noticing every detail.
She saw that he never left him alone, that if Buck was leaving the house, Eddie was right there alongside him, and if he wasn’t, then Buck wasn't leaving either.
Meeting with a lawyer was surprisingly exhausting. She doesn’t remember her divorce being this hard, oh right, because she wasn’t divorced, Doug was dead.
Blood in the clear white snow, blood on her hands, blood on Doug-
She shook herself away from those memories and instead slammed back into the conversation, "He needs to be out of California after the divorce is filed. Eddie, I'm scared what he would do to my brother if he were within reach when he found out about the divorce," She reiterated to the lawyer because she kept on talking about legal mumbo jumbo, but she didn’t care, because Buck needed to be out of the state. Otherwise, she didn’t want to think about what Eddie would do to him.
"Like I said, I don’t see any issues with that, he doesn’t need to stay in the state while the divorce is pending, but that changes if they share any children?" the lawyer spoke, but honestly, all her words were just white noise to Maddie's ears. Still, she somehow responded, "They have a son, Chris."
"And does he plan on taking him with if he leaves California?"
"Of course!" her anger brought her back from that space in her mind she sometimes went to. She's been there more often than not these days, it felt like.
"That might not be the best idea. Taking him without the other parents' permission could be viewed as parental abduction, and the courts might not look favorably upon him during the divorce proceedings."
Her face fell. She couldn’t even do this right. She couldn’t help her brother. That’s it, she failed.
"However," she perked up, "there are things we could do here. I can file for an emergency court order that would let him leave with the child, but that could take a while, a few weeks at least."
"Are there any other options? I mean, I want him out as soon as possible," she didn’t want to think about his bruised wrist or his limp. She didn’t want to think about all the injuries he could get while they were waiting for that court order.
"Once a divorce is filed, most states have 'automatic orders' that go into effect. This is done to prevent major changes while the divorce is pending. Automatic orders limit the parties’ behavior and actions. One common automatic order is that neither parent can remove the child from the state while the divorce is pending unless the judge or the other parent consents to it," she explained, something like regret clear in her tone.
"So it's either I wait for a judge, or my brother gets charged with parental kidnapping?"
"If he is criminally charged, but he could prove he was fleeing a pattern of domestic violence or to protect the child, then he may have what is called an 'affirmative defense' to the charge of parental kidnapping. But this can depend on a state’s laws and the specific situation. If he has enough evidence to prove this defense, he might be able to avoid being convicted. However, it may not prevent him from being arrested and charged with the crime, and he can still suffer all of the consequences that could come with being arrested, such as losing custody."
"So there is nothing I can do?" Maddie felt reality settle like lead in her stomach. She couldn’t even do this. She was failing her brother. She was failing. Failing everything.
"I'm afraid so, I would also need him here to be able to file for emergency court order," the lawyer informed her, pity in her eyes. She feels like maybe she should know her name, she saw it when she made this appointment, she saw it on her way in, and she was looking at the plaque on her desk right now, but the letters couldn’t quite arrange themselves into a name.
"His husband doesn’t let him leave the house alone," Maddie said, but it didn’t feel like she was the one speaking.
"I am truly sorry for your brother. There is one more thing that might work, but it would depend on the state he ends up in. He could file for emergency custody in the state he arrives in. Usually, a court only has the power, jurisdiction, to make custody decisions over a child who has lived in that state for the past six months. When a court makes an emergency custody order, the court is using “emergency jurisdiction” to issue the temporary order. Which means, the order is supposed to last for a short time only until the home state, known as the state with “preferred jurisdiction,” can issue or change a long-term custody order. This would be a quick fix, but could give us sufficient time to get an emergency custody order… With a sufficiently good lawyer, it would be plausible."
"And you're that lawyer?" she asked, hope shining through.
"That I am," she smiled at her, and Maddie knew she would spend every penny she had for this if it meant her brother could be happy, she'd even go into debt for him.
-----
Maddie was going to believe in the best-case scenario, and believe that this would all work out. She spent nearly an hour sitting in the stiff chair across from the lawyer (whose name she would learn eventually), ironing out the details. There was a bright feeling like hope settling in her as she got home. She felt like she had the knowledge that this might actually work. Now that she knew he could leave, he could be safe. All she needed was to find her brother a place to go to.
The number she pulled from her pocket felt like hope.
She really hoped TK could help.
On her way back home, she picked up one of the last things she needed. A burner phone. Buck would need one, just in case Eddie could use his phone to track him.
She carefully dialed the digits into her phone, hoping beyond hope that she had the right number, that TK actually was a firefighter in Texas, that he could help, and that he would help. And when she handed the phone over to her brother, he would have his contact from Austin already on it.
The line connected and before the person on the other end could speak, she started, "Hey, am I talking to TK?" she didn’t get his last name, Buck didn’t have it written in her phone so she clarified with the only other information she had about him, "The firefighter?" maybe she should have planned out this conversation but all she could think about was how every second she wasted Buck could be getting beat black and blue.
"I am TK, Strand, but as of recently, I'm a paramedic, though," the voice on the other line came through hesitantly.
"Oh, I see," she wasn’t sure if this would make her plan harder. TK could still put in a good word with the fire captain even if he wasn’t a firefighter anymore, though, she just hoped he would be able to help. It's not like she had a different plan, so she continued on, "I'm Maddie Buckley, I'm pretty sure you know my brother, Even, Buck."
The apprehension in his voice turned to concern in the span of a second, "Yeah, I do, is everything okay?"
"Um, not really," she should have practiced what to say. She should know how to summarize it concisely and succinctly. She should have planned for this. If TK just hung up because he thought she was some crazy, she couldn’t even blame him.
"Is he okay?" suddenly, the overwhelming emotion in his voice was concern. Like he slammed head first into it.
"Yes, well, no, um, he's, not in the hospital," she but her lip. Maddie wanted to say he's not injured, but she would be lying.
"Okay?" the concern morphed into confusion, even a hint of suspicion. She could tell he was about to ask why she called, if Buck was okay, so she rushed out her words, hoping he would at least hear her out.
"Sorry, I'm just gonna start from the beginning. I know this is probably a lot to ask, but please hear me out before you brush me off. I just, I don’t know how else to keep him safe," she took a fortifying breath. She didn’t want to air her brother's troubles, she knows he might be upset, but she will take him being mad at her if he's safe. She continued a little slower, less frantic, "His husband returned from deployment, this week, and he's abusive. I- Buck, he isn't safe here. He's going to file for divorce but I- don’t- just I'm scared if he was here in California when he did, that- um his husband would get, aggressive," she cleared her throat trying to keep her voice from shaking, "And I think it might be for the best if he transferred stations as far as possible. And I was just hoping that maybe you could talk to your old fire captain and see if he could have a place at his house."
The other end of the line was silent, "What?" the word sounded like it was punched out of him. "I-I had no idea…"
"He's, he's good at pretending," it hurt her to admit it because it meant Buck had practice with pretending, a lot of it. And she wasn’t there to protect him then.
"And, and you're sure?" he sounded worried, but also like he didn’t quite believe her.
"Yes. I thought something might be off for a little while, but when Eddie, that’s his husband, returned Buck, he has been hiding bruises."
"I mean, he's a firefighter, he's bound to have bruises," it sounded more like he was bargaining with the reality of it as opposed to disbelief.
"Yes, but not a black eye he lies about that’s perfectly covered by makeup," she said, annoyance bleeding into her tone. She didn’t have time for this. She needed to get Buck to safety, and if TK wasn’t going to help, she would need to find someone else to help him.
"I'm sorry, I don’t mean to sound dismissive, I just, I never expected this, Buck, he always talks about the guy like he hung the moon…" he still didn’t believe her. He was wasting her time.
In one last effort to try to convince him of the truth, she unloaded all her observations, "His wrist was bruised, from being grabbed, if I had to guess, he did his best to cover it. Eddie never leaves his side, he spends his whole day at Buck's firehouse, and even when I invited Buck out, alone, he shows up too. I just- Eddie's been gone for a long time, and now he's reasserting his control over my baby brother, and it hurts to see. I just, want him to be safe," she rushed out the words, scared he might just hang up. Worse, he might even text Buck about it, and if Eddie saw it… she took a deep breath, she didn’t even want to imagine.
Blood in the snow. Blood on her hands. Blood on-
"Yeah, I understand. That, that sounds, I'm sorry, this is just a lot. I guess I just thought their relationship was perfect from the way Buck gushed about him, and his texts have sounded so happy since he returned, I guess it might have been a little too perfect," she could hear in his voice that he finally believed her. Her knees felt weak in relief. Buck won't have to worry about anything, he will be safe, Maddie will make sure of it.
"Don’t beat yourself up about not knowing…" and it just occurred to her that they might be more than just casual acquaintances with the way TK talks, "Are you close to Buck?"
"Yeah, I mean, we've texted a lot ever since the wildfires. I just, I guess I thought I would have noticed," he sounded guilty, but Maddie knew from firsthand experience how well Buck pretended.
"I meant what I said, Buck, he's hiding this well, you couldn’t have known," she tried to assure him. But it was also for her that she shouldn’t beat herself up for not noticing sooner, because she knew now, and she was going to help.
"Yeah," after a moment he spoke again, "I'm gonna go speak to Cap right now, he's my dad, so I don’t think it will take a lot of convincing."
"Thank you," her voice was slightly choked up by tears, when something occurred to her. "Wait, before you go, don’t text him about it, I think Eddie might be going through his messages, which would explain why he was gushing about him so much," of course, that asshole would go through his messages. Nothing was safe. Not until Buck was far from his clutches.
"Fuck. Yeah, that makes sense, I won't, I want him to be safe."
"The best you can do to keep him safe is to give him a place to run to, um, with his son. He has a son," Maddie clarified in case TK didn’t know about that.
"Christopher, I know, I know Buck would never leave his kid behind," the conviction behind his voice told her that he knew her brother. It made something ease in her chest. Buck won't be alone when he leaves.
"Yeah," she was nearly choked up in relief.
"I'm gonna go talk to dad, I'm at the firehouse right now, so I will get back to you soon-ish if we don't get called to an emergency," TK told her, and there was conviction in his voice.
"Thank you, TK, I- this means a lot," there was a lump in her throat. Her brother had people who would help him run, who would keep him safe. She could barely keep her tears at bay. He was going to be safe. He will never have to go through what she did.
"Of course. I care about Buck, he's a friend. I'll call you in a minute."
"Bye," she said, but it sounded like thank you to her ears.
If this worked out, if TK could arrange Buck's transfer, then all she would need to do is call back the lawyer and set up a time for Buck to file his divorce, preferably on his way out of the state. He would be in Texas by the time Eddie was served with the divorce papers, and he wouldn’t know where Buck was because he filed it in California.
For the first time since Buck opened the door with a black eye, she felt the tension in her stomach ease its death grip on her because she had hope.
------
TK got back to her in a little less than half an hour. They spent the majority of their discussion on arrangements for both Buck and Chris. They figured it all out. Buck could file the transfer paperwork when he got to Texas to make sure Eddie didn’t catch wind of it. The housing situation, which was giving her most worry, also sorted itself out. They could stay with Captain Strand, TK's dad, until he could find a place to live. TK said the guy insisted on housing them, since they will be family, and she desperately wanted to hug this man and thank him profusely.
The plan was already in motion, now all that was needed was to get Buck out. It relied too much on Maddie's ability to get through to Buck in too short of a time for her to feel confident in it. In any other case, she would have told him of her plan and let him get familiar with it before enacting it, but Eddie never left his side. No matter what she did, he was always there, playing the role of perfect husband. So she had to make it work.
She had Chim on speed dial, ready to help at a moment's notice.
Fortunately, a mere 2 days after she made arrangements with TK, Buck unknowingly gave her the perfect opportunity when it was nearing dinner time. He was cooking and texted to ask her if she had flour for him to borrow, because he started cooking and realized halfway through that he didn’t have enough. She did have flour, but she ignored his message, making sure she only read it through her notifications so he wouldn’t know she read it. What she hoped beyond hope that this would mean, is that Eddie would run to the grocery store. And if he didn’t, or if he took Chris with him, or if Buck went instead, then there will be other chances.
She drove over to their house as soon as she called Chim, and the lawyer, to ask if they could potentially run in to sign divorce papers today. She said she'd make time for them.
She spent a few minutes breathing deeply as she sat in her car, observing their house from around the corner. She held her breath when she saw the door open and Eddie stepped out, alone. The relief was so palpable she was near dizzy with it. She watched as he got into his truck and drove off. This was perfect.
She shot a quick text to Chim. In all honesty, she would have much rather had a different partner for this, someone who could keep a secret, but Chim was already involved, and she appreciated his support. And despite everything, he's managed not to spill anything in front of Eddie. The only reason he didn't, though, is because he requested to be temporarily transferred to B shift. Which was certainly a way to make sure he didn’t blab. But it was for the best.
'Eddie's on the move,' she texted as soon as she couldn’t see his car anymore. Chim was already waiting in the parking lot of the closest grocery store, and he was going to hold up Eddie for as long as he could. She told him she needed at least half an hour, but it depended on how fast she could convince Evan that this was for the best.
When she was sure Eddie wasn’t going to circle back, she grabbed the two empty duffel bags she got just for this. They weren't big by any means, but they would have enough space for important documents and enough clothes to hold them over until they were settled in Austin.
She sprinted across the street in the light of the slowly setting sun and frantically knocked on their door.
It only took a moment before Buck opened it, he was wearing an apron. There was confusion written across his face.
Before he could even question her, she was pushing inside and closing the door behind her, "I'm helping you get out."
"What?" Buck said like he had no idea what she was talking about. Like he didn’t know Maddie would move heaven and earth for him. But she could understand his disbelief. He's been stuck with Eddie for so long that someone offering to get him out must come as a shock to his system.
"I brought bags and bought us some time, but not a lot of it, so we have to hurry," she explained, shoving one of the bags into his hands.
"Maddie, what are you talking about?" he was so confused that it made her want to cry. Eddie had beaten him down so low he couldn't even imagine a world where someone would save him.
"Look, hey, it's okay, I'm here to help, but we have to be fast. You can take my car, it's just around the corner with a full tank, and I have cash, you can just go and he'll never find you-"
"What?" he cut her off, his confusion morphing into something like concern.
"I know we haven't gotten to talk at all, but please, Evan, I can't see you go through this. Please," she pleaded for him to take the bag and start packing.
"Maddie, what on earth is going on?" he wasn’t going to face it, was he? That’s okay, it’s a good thing she already made all the arrangements for him. He could take his time accepting reality when he was safe and far away from here.
"I mean that he never let you be alone, and I couldn’t tell you sooner, but everything's arranged, and you can take Chris, disappear from his radar while the divorce is finalized. I wrote out everything you will need to know, it's in the car, and it's enough if you just read it in Texas-" she rushed out so he would understand he could be safe and didn’t need to worry, but he cut her off.
"Maddie, what are you talking about?"
She let out a sigh. If he won't face this head-on, she will do it for him. She wanted him to be able to come to terms with it on his own, but if it was preventing him from leaving, she would spell it out for him, "I know Eddie hits you, and I can help, it's all arranged already."
"Eddie doesn’t hit me!" Buck recoiled as if she slapped him.
"I'm sure he doesn’t, but please," she said placatingly, if he needed to believe that to function, she didn’t need to correct him, as long as he left.
"No Maddie, stop, I have no clue what on earth you're talking about," he was getting defensive. This wasn’t good.
"Evan, I can see the evidence on your face," she points at the black eye that was slowly healing. The black eye he hadn't covered with makeup because he didn’t know she was coming over.
"Are you- is this- I got this at work," he said, damn near speechless. She knows he's lying to himself.
"Yeah, I believe that," she couldn’t help the slightly cynical tone her voice took on. Couldn't he see she was trying to help?
"I did," he insisted. He was looking at her like she had grown a second head.
"Buck, I'm not stupid. You could see what Doug was doing to me when you were barely in high school, so do you think I would miss all the signs?" she was starting to get upset. Buck was treating this as if she were a distressed mental patient and not his sister coming to rescue him.
"No, Maddie, please calm down, I'm telling the truth, I promise," seeing him lie to himself like that hurt more than she could admit, because she could see herself in him. The adamant denials even when she was black and blue.
"And I'm sure you believed me when I insisted on the same thing," she shot back. They didn’t have much time, and she needed him to know that he didn’t need to lie.
Buck was speechless for a moment, and she bowled right over him. She just needed to let him know how well she planned this out. Everything was accounted for, he just needed to take one step. "Look, I have everything lined up for you. I got you a job in Texas. It's all arranged. All you need to do is get there and fill out a transfer form. Eddie won't know where you are. I haven't let Bobby know yet, but I will as soon as you're out of California. He will understand if I explain it to him. You don't need to worry about it. And you have a place to stay until you can find an apartment," the words spilled out of her as fast as she could. Buck was staring at her with a wide-eyed expression.
When she trialed off, he buried his head in his hands, and she felt relief flood through her. He was admitting defeat. He was letting her help. She reached for his shoulder to comfort him, but the moment her hand made contact, he shook her off and looked at her. He wasn’t crying. He looked angry. Her hope dropped into her stomach like a boulder crushing her. She hadn't gotten through to him after all.
"Eddie doesn’t hit me. He doesn’t hurt me. He loves me," he said slowly as if he sounded out the words more clearly, they would be true. It hurt to see him try to desperately convince himself of that fact.
"Papa?" The fragile voice came from the hallway, and Maddie's head snapped to see Chris partially hidden behind a wall.
"Oh, mijo, go back to your room," Buck's voice was soft when he spoke to his son, none of his anger for Maddie bleeding through.
"No!" Chris all but yelled as he rushed towards Buck, bowling into his legs before looking up with big, terrified eyes, "A-are you leaving?" He sounded so scared. She could see the tears in the little boy's eyes, and she wanted nothing more for them both to be safe. But Buck had to let her help.
Buck looked heartbroken, and she thought, This is it , she finally got through to him. He might not leave for himself, but his kid was scared here. The only good thing that came out of her marriage with Doug was that they never had kids. She knows that Buck would put his son above everything else. She knows he wouldn’t let Eddie hurt him.
Hope rose up in her chest, and this time she let it soar. Buck would never leave his kid in harm's way.
"I-" she started, but he cut her off, "leave Maddie."
"No, Buck, I just-" she tried to explain, but his expression was closed off and guarded, and he rubbed Chris's back. It hurt more this time. His rejection of her help when she was so certain he would accept it.
"Get out. You don’t get to just come in here and- and accuse my husband and scare my child," he raised his voice at her, and it made her take a step back. His eyes were filled with anger, and she's pretty sure that if Chris wasn’t there, he would have yelled at her loud enough for the neighbors to hear.
It hurt. To see her brother go down the same road as she had. It hurt to see him be angry at her , and not the man who was hurting him. But she understood. She was in his same shoes at some point, and she knew no matter how much help Buck offered her back then, she too always refused.
She had to leave, if she wasn't going to sway Buck, she at least shouldn’t be here when Eddie returned, it could anger him, and who knows what kind of mood he will be in after being held up by Chim.
But even if she was leaving, she wouldn’t give up. When Buck was ready to admit he needed help, she would be here to help him through the divorce, and she'd hold him together. And most importantly, she would never give up. She would come by his house every day to ask if he had changed his mind, if she had to. But no matter what, she would never give up on him.
Even if he didn’t want help now, she would be there to pick up the pieces when he did.
She tried her best to force a small smile on her face through the tears that started flowing before she spoke, "I will be here when you admit you need help," and then she turned around and made for the door. Failure weighed heavy on her, and she couldn’t stop her hands from shaking.
"Let's talk tomorrow," Buck called out before she could get to the door.
Hope bubbled up, maybe he was ready to accept help after all, just not this exact moment. And it made sense, he would need some time to get things in order before he could leave. She sighed in relief as she turned back around, a smile blooming on her face, "I'll help however I can."
"No, Maddie, I want to clear everything up, because you're wrong," he sounded so sure of himself, it hurt. He was so deep in denial that he believed his own lies.
She walked out without looking back. If she did, she's scared she might have dropped to her knees and begged him to leave. She couldn’t stop the tears flowing down her face as she made her way back to her car.
The car that was all ready for her brother to escape in. The car he wasn’t going to use. Because he wasn’t leaving.
He wasn’t going to be safe.
The burner phone sat on the dash like an accusation.
A sob tore from her throat as she curled around the steering wheel. Why didn’t he let her help him?
---
Chim has wondered a few times in his life what he would do for love, not just the romantic kind, but also the familiar kind, the love he had for his found families, the Lees, Kevin, and the 118. They were everything to him. Everything he had, so the answer was a lot.
When Kevin was still alive, he'd once told him he'd help him hide a body. Which, if it ever happened, and Kevin came to him for help, he probably would have. (He would have taken a bullet for Kevin.) At the time, he meant it as a joke, but after he died, it felt like a way to measure just how much he loved him. How much he would have done for him if only he'd been alive for it.
He doesn’t think he will ever have a person as near and dear to him as Kevin was (and the Lees, of course, who were basically his parents), but he can't deny that he loves the 118, Hen, Bobby, and Buck, they were his family, and he loved them. He'd do a lot for them. Even if they wouldn’t get to the level of love he had for Kevin, if sufficiently persuaded, he might help any one of them hide a body. It was a 50/50.
So, making a fool out of himself for Buck's safety shouldn’t be too much of an ask. And yet, as he sat in his car, he mourned his poor dignity. All he had to do was hold up Eddie because Maddie had a plan, she just needed time.
'Half an hour,' she said, 'but the longer the better,' then she bit her lip as if she was contemplating something, 'if you can get him to punch you, he would probably spend the night in jail'. And well, if it came to that, he wasn’t looking forward to having a matching shiner to Buck, but there was a lot he would do for the safety of his family.
Maddie texted Chim that Eddie was on his way. He took deep breaths and went over his plan in his head again. Chim was planning to strike up a conversation with the guy before he got to the checkout, but after he got everything he needed. And he'd do his best to hold him up with enticing conversation, but if that didn’t work, he was preparing himself to cling to the man's legs like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Hence why he was ready to mourn his dignity.
------
"Hey, do we know each other by any chance? I feel like we do?" was the first thing he said to the bastard abusing one of his family. He managed to catch Eddie on his way to checkout, he was holding a basket with one pack of flour and a few chocolate bars. Chim was also holding a basket, mostly because it would be suspicious if he were just walking around the store with nothing in his hands. He threw the first thing he saw into the basket, which was one lone cabbage.
"I don’t think we've met before," Eddie said, still moving towards the checkout, but Chim couldn’t have this conversation on the move. He needed to hold him up as long as he could, so he discreetly stepped to the side, blocking Eddie's way.
"Are you sure because you look really familiar," Chim insisted.
Eddie seemed to believe his conviction because he asked, "Did you serve in the army?"
He thought about it for a second as if he was contemplating, but in reality, he was just trying to draw it out as long as he could, "No. Where uh where are you from?"
"El Paso," Eddie said with a raised eyebrow.
"Really, me too? Chim has never been to Texas, let alone El Paso.
"What high school?"
"Um, well, I- you see, I was homeschooled. Did-did you go to church?" was the first thing he could come up with. Chimney has never been to church, let alone a church in Texas, let alone a church in El Paso.
"Never was an avid church goer, my parents were though, sometimes they dragged me along, I feel like I'd remember you though."
"I mean, I'm sure you just need to jog your memory a little," god, Chim wanted to punch this guy in his perfect face with his stupid perfect act. He wanted to scream in his face, I know what you are, I know what you're doing, I can see you. But he kept quiet, he had a job.
"Right, what was the church called again? I forget," Eddie asked, trying to side-step him, but Chim remained firmly planted in his path.
"Phew, I don’t remember, pretty shitty memory I have," he said, tapping the side of his head.
"What's your name again?" Should he give his real name, best he doesn’t.
"Bobby?" it came out as more of a question, sorry, Bobby. It was the first name that came to mind.
"I don’t recall a Bobby," Eddie smiled politely before trying to side-step him again, but Chim moved with him.
"Maybe you remember me as Robert," Chim offered as if somehow that might help Eddie remember a Robert that doesn’t even exist.
"Don’t recall a Robert either," the polite smile on his face was getting tense. Yikes, maybe he didn’t even need to bring out the insults to get punched by him, well, all the better.
(Chim didn’t know this, but Eddie was getting overwhelmed as this was his first time in a public space without his safe person, his partner, since he got back from a literal warzone.)
He was losing him, he could see from the way his eyes were darting to the checkout lanes that he was debating just pushing past Chim and making a run for it, "I-I think you're my long lost brother," it was the first and only thing that came to his mind, sorry, Kevin.
"I don’t think so," Eddie said, trying to push past him a little more forcefully this time.
"Well, I do, I really just do if you'd give me a moment," he raised his hands in a placating gesture as he stepped into Eddie's path again.
"Look, I'm sorry that your brother is missing, but I'm not him, I've never met you," his eyes were darting to the exit. Oh, Chim wasn’t taking this outside unless he had to. He was staying right here in front of all these people, so he would have proof when the guy beat the crap out of him.
"No, I am sure we've met. I mean, you look just like my brother, you're a spitting image of him," Chim was spouting nonsense at this point, but he needed Eddie to stay a little longer. His eyes searched for a clock, but barely any time had even passed. Fuck.
"I'm not your brother," Eddie's hand was twitching where it was hanging limply by his thigh, as if he was getting ready to reach for something. (Someone.) Oh fuck he really hoped Eddie wouldn’t grab one of the many objects around the store to beat him with it.
"Do you, maybe you have amnesia, but I'm sure you're him."
"I really am not, sorry, but I need to go," Eddie was clenching his fists, and Chim really fucking hopes he won't find him to beat up late.
"I uh, is your name Eddie?" Okay, wow, the conversation was going in this direction now. Eddie looked shocked at the words coming out of Chim's mouth, and honest, he was too.
"It is?"
"Then you're right, you're probably not my brother, my brother's name was Kevin," well, that was just word vomit.
"Okay… I'm just gonna go," Eddie looked near desperate to leave, but Chim couldn’t let him.
"No, no wait, Eddie, just give me one more moment, we just need to figure out how we know each other."
"I don’t know you," Eddie insisted.
"You do you do, we just got to jog your memory."
"So you say we met at the church my parents went to, St. Christopher's church," he said in an exhausted tone.
"Yeah, that sounds right," Chim was too grateful that he wasn’t leaving to notice the trap until he walked right into it.
"There is no Saint Christopher's church in El Paso," he tried to shoulder past him, but Chim took a step back with his hands raised in front of him, not letting Eddie pass by.
"No, please don’t go, I missed you, man," he said to the floor from where he was clinging onto the man's basket. Gods, he hopes nobody was recording this. He was careful not to touch Eddie because that could make him out to be the aggressor.
"I don’t know you," Eddie snapped, and there was something wild in his eyes as he yanked his basket closer to himself.
"Is there a problem here?" awe fuck, that was a security guard, wasn’t it?
He won't let go of my basket," Eddie said, and Chim was surely imagining the edge to his voice that made him sound like he was about to start crying.
"No, please, man, I swear we know each other, don’t walk out of my life again," he pulled the basket to himself.
"I don’t know him," Eddie said in what sounded like a pleading tone to the security guard. But Chim was definitely imagining that.
The security guard was approaching him, and he knew he was about to get kicked out. Well, it was time for the last case scenario. He needed Eddie to hit him in front of all these witnesses. Words flew through his mind, he only had a few seconds before security dragged him out. He needed to say something so offensive it would be on sight.
He braced for impact, "Well, you're just a pathetic husband beating animal who abandoned his son."
A round of gasps went around the store, and if he opened his eyes, he would see the audience they gathered. Chim waited for the punch to come, but instead the whole store echoed in gasps. When he unglued his eyelids from where he squeezed them shut, Eddie's eyebrows were up in his hairline.
"I've never met this guy," were the words out of Eddie's mouth, and he could feel the entire store turning to look at him.
But before he could come up with something else to say, the security guard gripped him by his bicep to haul him out, "Alright, that’s enough, just get out."
People whispered as he was escorted out, and it solidified the truth in his mind… He could never show his face here again.
Well, at least now he had a definite winner for the 'most embarrassing moment of his life' award.
God, he fucking hoped Buck was on his way to wherever Maddie sent him. The security guard shoved him out of the automatic doors before saying, "don’t come back."
He looked back at the store to try to get a look at Eddie, he was standing right where he left him, but he almost seemed to be hunched in on himself.
People were sending him glances through the glass doors like he was a wild animal, and honestly, fair.
He checked his watch. In 8 more minutes, it will be exactly half an hour since Eddie left his house. If he considered the commute back to Buck's house, it would probably add up to half an hour, but the more time he bought, the better. So instead of leaving, he lingered by Eddie's car, prepared to use his body to keep Eddie from getting in it. And who knows, maybe he'd hit Chim after all, if he got fed up enough. He just hoped there were cameras in the parking lot if it came to that.
Maybe Chim should have been suspicious when nearly 10 minutes passed and Eddie didn’t come out yet, but he was too busy celebrating his lucky stars when a police cruiser pulled into the parking lot. Any hope that they weren't here for him dissipated when he saw Eddie walking out of the store with the security guard right as the cruiser pulled up.
Oh fuck, was it too late to run… Technically, he hasn’t committed any crimes.
And honestly, despite that fact, Chim was preparing to somehow spend the night in jail anyway when he noticed just who had pulled up, and he could have cried in relief.
He has never been this happy to see Athena.
"What's going on here?" She asked as she saw him. Before he could speak, the security guard spoke up, "This man was harassing one of our customers," the security guard gestured at Eddie before turning to Chim, "We threw him out, but he lingered by this gentleman's car."
"I-" Athena looked gobsmacked as she looked between him and Eddie, "I have it from here, thank you," she all but shooed the guard away.
"Athena," both he and Eddie said at the same time. Eddie turned a confused look at Chim as if he was seeing him for the first time.
"What happened here?" Athena asked again.
"This guy started talking to me and wouldn’t let me leave, and then started insulting me?" Eddie explained, but he mostly looked confused before he asked another question, pointing at Chimney, "You know this guy?"
"Yes, he's Buck's coworker," Athena looked at him like she was waiting for him to disprove what Eddie just said.
Chim cleared his throat awkwardly.
"You have some views you'd like to share with the class chimney?" Athena asked, but she too seemed just as confused as Eddie.
"Yeah, I do actually," he has no idea why they never went to her with this. It seems so obvious now, "Athena, he beats Buck."
"He what?" Her head turned to Eddie almost in slow motion, reminiscent of a horror movie. Chim could practically feel the murderous aura she was emanating, and he took deep pleasure in watching Eddie flinch.
"What?" was Eddie's staggered response. He almost looked like someone had just slapped him.
"I was just trying to hold him up so Buck would have a chance to get out," Chim explained to Athena.
"He-you what?" Eddie looked somewhat like he had just been dropped into a different universe, and nothing made sense.
"Yeah, I know what you are and you'll never hurt Buck again," he spat, pulling himself up to his full height, even if that was half a head shorter than Eddie.
"Boy, I invite you into my house, and now I find out you're beating my son?" Athena was seething, it was pouring out of her every pore, and she looked ready to genuinely kill the guy.
"I've never raised a hand to Buck, and I never would," Athena looked at Chim then. It took him a moment to realize she was waiting for him to present his proof.
"Uhh. He has a black eye, and bruises," at their raised eyebrows, he realized just how shaky his evidence was. But Maddie thought it would be for the best if he had as little information as possible, so he couldn’t accidentally spill it, "Maddie has more proof."
"Buck's sister Maddie?" Eddie asked, something almost like hurt in his expression. Chim had no idea why, but if he was hurting, then he was happy.
"Yeah, her, and you're never gonna hurt Buck again, because she got him out, he's out of your reach by now," Chim couldn’t help but rub it in his face a little.
"I've never hurt him," his voice was quiet, and it sounded so hurt and genuine that Chim nearly fell for his lie.
Athena was looking between the two of them like she was watching a ping pong match. But before Chim could open his mouth and maybe hurl some insults Eddie's way, Athena spoke up, "Alright, both of you, get in the back of my cruiser and we're gonna get to the bottom of this."
"Uhm, my car-" Chim started, but one look from Athena shut him up. "I don’t wanna hear it, from either of you."
------
The whole ride to Buck's house was completely silent. Eddie was sitting next to him, and it was taking all of Chim's willpower not to strangle the guy. He looked nervous, worried even, and Chim couldn’t help the vindication. Buck would be long gone by now, and that would be all the proof Athena needed to wholly believe him. He could tell she was a little skeptical given Chim's lack of proof, but he knew she wouldn't need a lot to believe it.
When they got to the house, Athena held the door open for him and gestured for him to get out. When Eddie went to follow him out, she closed the door, "You stay there." It was firm but not trudging into hostile territory yet. But Chim knows that when they find the house abandoned with all of Buck and Chris's stuff gone, Athena will flip that switch very fast.
So when they got to the door and knocked, he didn’t expect anyone to open it. And not just anyone, it was Buck, which meant that either he was still packing or that… he decided not to leave.
It made something twist uncomfortably in Chim's chest.
"Athena, what are you doing here? And Chim? Is everything okay?" Buck seemed confused.
Athena went to speak, but Chim nudged her before she could, as he noticed a small head of curls hiding behind Buck's legs. Instead, she cleared her throat, "Could we speak out here for a minute?"
"Oh, it might not be for the best. Chris is a little clingy right now," he tried to throw on a smile, but he looked tired.
Athena narrowed her eyes, "I really need to speak with you alone, Buckaroo."
"Is that Daddy?" Chris's voice came in almost excited as he pointed to Athena's cop car.
They all turned, including Buck, whose face twisted through too many emotions to decipher.
"Why is he in the back of your car?" he asked, suspicion lacing his tone.
"I was giving him a lift, just wanted to talk to you first," Athena said measuredly.
Buck's face contorted into something filled with incredulity before picking up Chris and pushing past them. Both he and Athena let out noises of protest as he did. They followed after him as he walked to the cruiser before opening the door and gently placing Chris inside. He said something to Chris, or maybe Eddie, but it was too quiet to hear. But they could see Eddie settle Chris on his knees as he spoke to him softly.
Buck closed the door before steadily marching to both of them. He looked tired, as if he was rehashing an argument he had just had.
Before Athena could speak, he started instead, "Is this about what Maddie was saying?" so he knew what they were here for.
Athena drew herself to her full height as if she was ready to fight for him right this instant, "Buck baby, you just say the word and he will be in jail before the sun comes up. He will never hurt you or Chris, I will make sure of it."
"Athena, he doesn’t hit me, I promise. I think Maddie hasn’t processed Doug's death as well as she thinks she has. She's projecting. So you don’t need to worry, either of you. Or I'm assuming Chim is in on this whole thing too," his hand vaguely gestured at Chim.
"Well, I wasn’t, I just so happened to get called to a grocery store for some guy harassing a patron. Imagine my surprise when it was Chimney," she tried to joke, but it was clear to him that there was something still guarded in her eyes.
"Someone was harassing Chimney?" Buck asked so innocently that it almost pained him.
''No, I was harassing Eddie," he confessed. He couldn’t be sure that Buck really was safe, but his leaving Chris with Eddie while they talked was a good indicator that he and Maddie were wrong. Buck would never leave Chris alone with someone who'd hurt him. Athena could probably see the gesture for what it was, too, this was Buck telling them Eddie was safe, that he was safe with Eddie.
"Why were you harassing him?" Buck looked genuinely confused, and he supposed it might be for the best if both Buck and Athena heard out their plan.
"I was meant to distract him for as long as possible so Maddie could get you out, and then if that didn’t work, I was supposed to antagonize him into punching me so he would spend the night in jail…"
"Oh my god," Buck sounded hurt. Like he couldn’t believe someone who he considered a friend would try to bait his (more than likely beloved and not abusive) husband. There was a pit forming in his stomach, his gut was wrong again.
"Not even gonna ask if it worked? I mean, he is sitting in the back of a police cruiser," Chim tried to joke, hoping it might ease the coil of tension winding up in his stomach.
"No, because if he did punch you I think you'd be missing some teeth," Buck said vindictively before he quickly backpaddled remembering why they were here, "Not that I think Eddie would punch a random guy, just saying that he's a really good fighter. Who doesn’t hit me," buck sighed, "I feel like no matter what I say it will sound like I'm this poor guy that’s being abused that’s protecting his abuser, but it's not it, really."
"Buck, just look me in my eyes and tell me the truth," Athena said, her voice gentle as one of her hands came up to cradle his cheek.
"Eddie doesn’t hit me, he doesn’t abuse me, and he's never laid a hand on me," something twitched in Athena's expression as if she was sniffing out lies when Buck amended, "he's never laid a hand on me that I didn’t ask for."
With everything cleared up, Chim was left standing there, feeling like he was truly the biggest asshole in the entire world. So he tried to deflect and make a joke, "Oh gross TMI." Athena glared at him, but it was clear to him from her eyes and her posture that she fully believed Buck was telling the truth. And if Chimney couldn’t trust his gut anymore, trusting Athena's was as good as it was going to get. He truly was wrong, again.
"Since you're still here, what exactly did you tell Eddie?" Buck asked guardedly, "he looks... shaken."
"Uhm, they're words I'm not proud of and would rather not repeat," he felt like such an asshole already, he didn't need to see Buck's kicked puppy expression, but maybe he deserved it.
"I'm listening," Athena turned her unrelenting stare on him.
"I believe I called him a pathetic husband beating animal," he coughed, "who abandoned his son." He deserved the hurt look Buck sent his way, honestly, he thinks he really would deserve to get punched, thank you very much.
"Well, I'm gonna go let Eddie out," Athena said, probably as a way to escape the hurt aura Buck was just emanating.
Chim trailed behind her like a lost puppy, and the moment Eddie was out of the cruiser, Chim was in front of him and snapping into a bow so low his nose was practically touching his shins, "I am truly, so deeply sorry. I apologize for the hurtful words I said to you, even if I thought I was helping my friend, it was no excuse."
"I- was not expecting that," Eddie said, genuinely shocked at his apology. Buck had walked over, too, but Chim couldn’t see what was happening from where he was still bowing.
"He's not usually an asshole," Athena said from the side.
"I'm sorry, I really am," Chim said as sincerely as he could manage.
"It's alright, please stand up," Eddie said in a tone nearing discomfort. When he looked up, he noticed that Buck had taken a somehow sleeping Chris from Eddie. He was rocking him slightly and looking at Chimney approvingly with an undertone of guarded protectiveness.
"I am once again sorry for the misunderstanding, but also the things I called you, you didn’t deserve that," Chim reiterated as Buck mouthed something to Eddie and started making his way inside with Chris.
"Why did you? I mean, I get the trying to hold me up, but the insults?" Eddie looked small standing there, almost self-conscious. Chim thinks he hit a bigger sore spot than he thought.
"It was, um, plan C, to get you to punch me so you'd spend the night in jail and Maddie would have more time to help Buck escape. I didn’t mean what I said, I was trying to get a rise out of you."
"Well, you hit some weak spots," Eddie tried to joke, but it fell flat with the way he looked like a kicked puppy, "I know I haven't always been there for Chris..."
"I totally deserved getting punched, by the way. And I don’t know what your situation is, but for what it's worth, that kid loves you," he really felt like an asshole over here, so you can't even blame him for how quickly he rushed to assure Eddie.
"Thanks," Eddie said, and he sounded near choked up, before he cleared his throat, "it's nice to know Buck has friends willing to act insane for him and even take a punch if needed. It's good to know he has people who will go above and beyond for him. But I got to tell you, man, you have to work on your first impressions," the joke fell flat because in the dim lights, Eddie looked absolutely exhausted, and Chim hated that he was adding to that exhaustion.
"Yeah, I'll do that," he tried to say in a light tone. Eddie clapped him on the shoulder as he walked past them.
Even as he watched Eddie walk away, he felt awful. He harassed an army vet, just god, who does that? Before Eddie entered the house, Chim called out, "I'm sorry again."
Eddie stopped in the doorway to look back at him before giving a small wave and slipping inside.
The sun had long since set, and standing under the lamplight, he turned to Athena. When he did, she smacked him upside the head.
"If you ever have an inkling someone we know is in an abusive situation, you come to me," it was an order.
"Yes, ma'am."
"Who else was in on this?" she asked, as if she was ready and willing to drive around to all their acquaintances to clear up the misunderstanding.
"Just Maddie and me, I'm gonna call her later, tomorrow maybe. She and Buck probably talked it out while I was busy embarrassing myself. I think I'm gonna need a night to sleep off this humiliation," he whined exaggeratedly.
"You big baby," Athena laughed as she shoved his shoulder affectionately.
--------
Maddie wasn’t sure how she got home, but she did, and now she was lying in bed even though she couldn’t bring herself to fall asleep. Not for the first time, she felt completely powerless. Her brother's lies hurt like a spear to the chest. It hurt that even now, he was still protecting that man.
The night passed by her as she lay in bed in the same clothes she wore to try to save him. She couldn’t bring herself to shed them, it would feel like shedding her failure, and she didn’t deserve that. It was no surprise she couldn’t think about anything other than how she failed her baby brother. All she could do was drown in the guilt as she stared at her popcorned ceiling.
Replaying their conversation over and over again wasn’t going to change anything, but she couldn’t stop. Maddie wondered...if she had said something else, could she have gotten through to him? Maybe if she said something differently, he would be safely away from Eddie by now, but no, he's in that prison. She just hopes Chim holding Eddie up didn’t make him angry enough to take it out on Buck.
Tears flowed down her face silently as the moon shining through her window turned to the first rays of the sun.
Some time passed, it was the morning, at least she thought it was morning. It might have been sundown, she didn’t even know. All she knew was the deep ache in her chest that wasn’t going away. Regardless of the time, however, her phone pinged, it wasn’t her alarm. She didn’t need to go to work, did she? It was okay if she did, she was still dressed from yesterday.
But when she looked at the message, it sent her shooting up, it was text from Buck. Multiple texts.
Let's meet at the park close to my house
The one where you like taking Chris
In an hour
When she arrived at the park, she saw Buck already sitting on a bench despite the fact that there was no way an hour passed already. Right?
She sat down next to him, the both of them silent for the moment.
Buck started, still looking ahead, "Maddie, I already said this yesterday, but you’ve got this all wrong. Eddie isn't abusing me."
He couldn’t even look at her when he lied.
And that just made her angry, why won't he take her fucking helping hand? "Can't you see I'm just trying to protect you? You can't even admit it to yourself that you're being abused," then it occurred to her, Buck is ashamed, she was ashamed too, that she fell for Doug. So instead, she took a different approach, she needed to let him know there is nothing to be ashamed of. "It's okay, I understand you're in denial, and it's okay, I just-" She reached forward for his arm, but Buck moved out of the way, and instead she ended up half poking his ribs. What she wasn't expecting was for him to hiss and half curl in on himself.
Before she could even second-guess herself, she was grabbing the hem of Bucks' shirt and making it up to reveal a vaguely hand-shaped mark on his torso. It wasn't a bruise, but the skin was red and raised like he'd been slapped.
"That's not what it looks like," he said with a groan, like he knew how damning it looked.
"You can't look me in the eyes and tell me Eddie didn't do that," Buck could never lie to someone while looking in their eyes. He never has been a convincing liar, but she couldn’t trust that anymore, she needed this confirmation.
"It really isn't what it looks like. Eddie, he has nightmares, wakes up thrashing, he didn't mean to hit me, he was just waking up, scared and disoriented. And he apologized even though it wasn't his fault," Buck explained, clearly enunciating every word as if she was the one who needed to be convinced. He was looking right in her eyes with such conviction. It hurt her, how well he learned to lie.
"Oh, Evan, it's okay, you don't have to excuse it, and you don't have to lie, not to me, I'll always be in your corner," she rushed to assure him. He didn’t need to lie.
Buck's hand came up to wipe at his face, "Maddie, I know this isn't helping my case, but I promise you, Eddie isn't abusing me. What-How can I prove it to you?"
"Just tell me the truth," she begged.
"I am telling the truth," he insisted.
"What about that black eye, then? And your bruised wrist?" She didn’t want to hear his excuses, but maybe he'd realize how bad it was if he had to defend everything he did.
"Those happened at the same time, believe it or not. I fell down the stairs-" he started like he was going to tell her a fun story, but she was incredulous because seriously? If he was going to lie to her face, the least he could do was come up with a less cliché answer. It was the oldest lie in the book, ' No, my husband doesn't hit me, I fell down the stairs .' "Evan, please don't lie to me like that."
"I'm not lying, and if you let me finish. I fell down the stairs, where I hit my wrist against the railing trying to catch myself," he said pushing his hand toward her so she could take a better look at it, "and I got this," he pointed to his face with his slowly healing black eye, "when I got a little overeager to kiss Eddie when he surprised me and I tried to yank him into a kiss but got my eye into his chin instead."
Maddie went to open her mouth because that was certainly more creative, but she didn't need to know just how well her baby brother could make up stories about injuries. But Buck raised a hand to stop her.
"Bobby saw the whole thing, he was right there with us, you can ask him how it happened. And you know that Bobby wouldn't lie about something like this, if you asked him, he wouldn't lie to protect someone who is hurting one of his own, right? So all you need to do is call him, and this will all be resolved," he said, and it sounded reasonable. She narrowed her eyes at him.
"Fine, I'll call him right now," before she could second-guess it, she was already dialing Bobby. He would tell her the truth, and Buck would finally be confronted with reality.
"Hey Bobby, I hope I'm not interrupting," she said when the line connected. Buck almost spoke, but she put up a hand to stop him. If Buck asked Bobby to lie for him, he wouldn’t tell the truth if he knew Buck was here.
"Oh no, not at all, is everything okay?"
Instead of beating around the bush, she jumped right into it, "Do you know how Evan got his black eye? I get the feeling he's lying about it. I just want to know why."
"Maybe you should ask him, I'm sure he'd be more forthcoming if you expressed your concern," he said with something near humor in his tone. Didn’t he understand this was serious?
"Um, well, he wasn't, and I'm just worried," why was Bobby just brushing this off? Did he not care about Buck's safety? "Did he get it on the job?"
"Well, not exactly, but it's nothing bad, I think he's just embarrassed, it's nothing you need to worry about," he said, and there was still a hint of humor in his tone. She hated it. She thought he cared about her brother. He was practically like a father to Buck, so how could he just- just brush this off?
"But I am worried, so please, Bobby, just tell me what happened," she all but snapped at the man.
There was a sigh on the other end of the line, "When Eddie came to surprise him, I think he was a little shocked and took quite a tumble down the stairs, and when he went to pull Eddie into what I assume was supposed to be a kiss, he missed by a little. A lot. Which is how he hit his eye into his chin. Resulting in his current black eye."
"Oh," she exhaled.
"Maybe don't tell him I told you. I assume he would be embarrassed about it, but in all honesty, it was a rather sweet reunion," she could hear the smile in his tone… was she wrong?
"Thanks, Bobby," she said, feeling numbness taking over her.
"Yeah, thanks, Bobby," Buck couldn't help but speak up.
There was a silence, then Bobby spoke, "Is Buck there with you?"
"He is," she said at the same time he said, "I am."
"She didn't believe me. That's how it happened, she just needed someone to confirm my story," Buck explained, leaning towards her phone.
"Well, I'm glad I was of help," Bobby sounded slightly confused, but his tone said he was staying out of it.
Before she could hang up, Buck spoke, his voice soft, "Hey Bobby, it's okay by the way, that you told Maddie, in the future I'd much rather you air my embarrassing stories than have my family or friends worry."
"Right, I will keep it in mind," Bobby said fondly.
"Bye and thanks again," Buck smiled at her phone as he spoke.
"Have a great rest of your day, both of you," Bobby said before the line went dead.
"So do you believe me now?" his body language was open, and his eyes looked at her earnestly.
"Why'd you hide it then? If it was so innocent, why did you cover up your black eye when I came over?" despite the evidence piling against her, she had to poke holes in his story.
"Because I didn't want you to worry and draw the wrong conclusions. And I thought I succeeded, I'm not trying to brag, but I covered up that shiner perfectly," he tried to joke, but that just brought her to another hole in his story. Nobody who doesn’t know very well how to cover up bruises would be able to cover a black eye that seamlessly.
"Don't you think I know what a perfectly covered black eye looks like? Actually, that's another thing that concerns me. No offense, but you're not exactly a makeup aficionado, and I've never seen you wear any, so seeing you so perfectly cover up a bruise, well, it speaks to experience."
"Oh, uh, about that," Buck's cheeks tinted pink, he continued slightly sheepishly, "I uh had to learn how to cover up hickeys. And I used the same method for the black eye. That's all it is, I promise."
"How can I believe you?" She asked, her voice melancholy. She wanted to believe this, wanted to believe Eddie was a good guy, and this was all a misunderstanding. But how could she know?
"Maddie," Buck took her hands into his own, "you need to go see a therapist," she went to argue but buck cut her off, "I know you said, that you were over what happened with Doug and that you just wanted to stop thinking about it, but Maddie, you're spiriting."
"I'm just trying to help," she said, but her conviction was waning.
"Maddie, please listen to me, there is nothing to 'help' here. Whatever you think you're seeing just isn't there. You're projecting your past onto me, and I'm trying to see this from your point of view, I'm trying to understand, I really am, but you're crossing a line here, Maddie. Eddie isn't Doug. And you don’t just get to accuse him. I'm trying not to be mad at you because I can see you're struggling, but you really scared Chris yesterday."
"So what, you just want me to ignore all the warning signs? I-" her conviction was back, Chris was scared, and she could help. She ripped her hands out of Buck's
"No, no, Maddie, please. Just- I want you to look at yourself. You're spiraling. When was the last time you slept? That you ate? You made an entire escape plan without even talking to me. You set me up with a job. Maddie, you have got to see this isn't normal," he looked at her pleadingly. Even now, he was trying to help her, but she didn’t even know anymore which of the two of them needed help.
Buck continued as it felt like the walls collapsed around her, "I think, what you're doing here, everything you set up for me, is what you wished someone did for you. I think that if someone laid out this clear path for you, where you had everything arranged to just leave, you would have left a lot sooner. And I'm sorry I wasn’t there. I'm so sorry, Maddie, that this is how it had to end for you. But I'm not you, and I'm not being abused, I am safe at home, I love being with Eddie, and I never want to be without him, ever. Because I love him, so goddamn much. And I know he would never hit me," he said, his voice so sure and his hands so steady while holding her own.
"Evan, I just wanted to help," her voice cracked. And it might just hit her then, that maybe she was projecting. Tears welled in her eyes. She hated this feeling. This feeling of helplessness stuck in her chest. Clogging her throat. Because when she was making plans for Buck to leave, it eased to the back of her mind, but now, now that she couldn’t do anything, the feeling was back. The feeling of helplessness to change the past.
She wished she never met Doug. She wished she never dated him , left him, married him , killed him.
"I know," Buck said, and it broke something in her.
And ugly sob tore through her chest. She wished she didn’t have blood on her hands. She wished she wasn’t a murderer. She wished, she wished, she wished, she just fucking wished it all happened differently. Buck's strong arms came around her as her sobs racked her whole body. Tears soaked into her brother's shirt, and she couldn’t stop. Every time she tried to take a breath, to calm down, she'd remember the pristine white snow covered in blood, and a new wave of tears would burst from her eyes.
She continued until her sobs turned to dry heaving when all her tears were gone.
But she couldn’t stop. She could barely breathe because she just wished so damn much that she didn’t have to kill him. She hated that she still loved him. She wished she wasn’t powerless to change the past.
Her fingers dug into Evan's shirt hard enough for the fabric to groan in protest. She wishes she had left with him when he asked the first time. She wishes he tried harder to help her. She wishes he had dragged her away from Doug by her hair if he had to. She wishes he had never left for his travels. She wishes she stayed with Evan in that house only she could see was haunted.
She wishes Daniel were alive and wishes that if he were, he would have talked some sense into her.
Evan was rubbing soothing circles into her back, and it made it all the harder to catch her breath. God, she just wanted a restart. She wanted to believe he was safe with Eddie, wanted to believe everything he told her was the truth, but her mind screamed at her that she would have lied her tongue off, too. The voice inside her head, which was both the protective older sister and the battered woman, yelled at her to do something.
Because every day of that gods damned marriage, she wished someone would have dragged her out just so that she wouldn’t have to leave him.