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The building was smaller than she imagined.
Perhaps it's unfair to judge a building by its size, but when Jillian told her she arranged for treatment at the best hospital in the city, Ava simply imagined a multi-level building with doctors running around in distress and ambulances blaring their sirens each and every minute. This looked more like a retirement home for people of all ages.
She really wished Jillian would be here to accompany her, but she can't fault her for trying to save the world and all that. Still, moments like these made Ava feel like a little kid again, and adult Ava needed more support than she'd ever let on.
The mid morning sun blinded her, but warmed her fair skin all the same. Usually Ava wouldn't go anywhere without her sunglasses, but her nerves got the better of her this morning. The small, white building did nothing to aid her eyes and she had to seize the exterior down to nothing out of the ordinary.
If Michael was here he'd say she was stalling, and he would be right. But Ava hasn't been to a hospital since she was last discharged, and she'd rather not relive those months again.
Despite that, she knew she didn't have a choice but to walk through those doors within a few minutes, so, Ava took a step.
The air conditioning blew up against her body as she entered and tousled a few strands of her short, dark brown hair. Goosebumps spread across her arms and a shiver ran down her spine. She wasn't sure if it was because of the cool air or the past taunting her.
Once her eyes adjusted to the light inside, Ava discovered her perception was correct. This definitely felt more like a retirement home (or maybe a daycare) than a hospital.
The walls looked like vessels for art rather than something used to separate rooms, with landscapes, animals and abstract objects giving life to what's usually stoic concrete. Even the front desk held the art of what Ava assumed to be some of the children who have stayed here.
With heavy steps, Ava walked up to the front desk and earned the attention of a woman who looked to be in her early thirties. “Hi, I’m Yasmine, how can I help you?” Her customer service voice was on point, as a bartender Ava would know.
“Hi Yasmine, I have an appointment booked with Doctor Andrea, I believe it was.” Ava cursed herself for not checking the name one more time before walking inside. “Name’s Ava.”
“Okay Ava, let me check. Do you have your id with you?”
“Right, yes, of course.” She swiftly reached for the cardholder in the pocket of her shorts. It was bright pink with outlines of different sized boobs all around it. Ava was very proud when she picked it out and forced Micheal to get one just like it. He never uses it, but the fact that he owns it is enough for her.
As Yasmine started typing on the computer, Ava tried not to bounce on her feet, instead opting to bite some of the skin off of her bottom lip. For a long time her lips were chapped and crusty from always being nibbled on. She’s better now, but old habits die hard, and if nibbling on her lips gives some sort of comfort then Ava would happily deal with chapped lips later.
“Okay Ava, Doctor Andrea will see you shortly,” Yasmine said as she handed Ava her id back. “Please take a seat in the waiting room in the meantime.” She gestured towards a space slightly hidden from the entrance and smiled warmly as Ava thanked her and took her leave.
A bunch of toys, books and magazines were littered around the waiting area, along with a bunch of hanging plants and two tiny lemon trees. There were several mismatched armchairs, a long red couch and a few chairs with a big round coffee table in the middle.
A young boy was playing with some race cars on the floor. He couldn't have been older than eight. The space was unoccupied otherwise, yet Ava decided to take a seat opposite the boy on the floor.
“Which one is winning?”
The boy barely looked up from his toys as he answered. “The blue one.”
Ava hummed as she deliberated on what to say next. Unfortunately she didn't get a chance to say anything at all as a nurse called her name.
“Ava Silva?”
She jumped up to her feet in one quick motion. “That would be me!” Okay a bit excited there cowboy, calm down.
The nurse introduced herself as Camila. Her smile was bright and infectious as she asked Ava about her morning and told her about Diego–the boy in the waiting room. He wanted to be a Nascar driver one day. He wouldn't make it through the summer.
Camila didn't tell her that, but Ava could see it on her face as she talked about him.
As they reached a private room Camila gestured for Ava to sit down in one of the armchairs as she went to fetch Doctor Andrea. Unlike the lobby, this room was bare and hollow, much more like the hospital Ava remembers.
She sat down for all about a minute before her restlessness got the best of her. There's a lot to be explored in a room like this, but it's nothing that quite captures Ava’s attention. Pamphlets about different diseases and treatments aren't exactly her idea of fun reading.
Instead her attention is drawn to the model of a uterus sitting on top of a drawer. The urge to take it apart and play with the pieces overtakes her whole body and her mind simply has no choice but to follow.
Unfortunately for her, the drawer is very tall and Ava isn't exactly above average height. Unfortunately for her, the model is heavier than she anticipated. Unfortunately for her, it drops to the floor with a loud crash as pieces fly everywhere.
Unfortunately for her, Doctor Andrea walks in as she's scrambling for the pieces on the floor, trying to put it all back together.
Both the doctor's perfectly shaped eyebrows try to leave her forehead as her eyes take in the scene in front of her. Ava can't blame her for sighing and rolling her eyes. The best she can do is offer her a big toothy smile and hope Doctor Andrea won't kick a fallen puppy or however the saying goes.
“Just leave it.” She looks from her to one of the armchairs and Ava follows the silent order without further explanation.
Doctor Andrea is tall and carries herself with wealth. Her raven hair is tied into a sleek ponytail without a single strand of hair out of place. Her cheekbones could cut through glass. Ava would be super intimidated by her harsh glare right now if she wasn't weirdly turned on.
Sue her for having eyes.
Doctor Andrea, or Lilith as it reads on her name tag, wasted no time and jumped straight into talking about the treatment plan. Ava figured Jillian sent over her health file but apparently she'd been speaking to Lilith directly, bringing her up to speed and already working through most of the paperwork and logistics.
As Doctor Andrea went on, Ava found herself spacing out. She wondered if there were any other patients in the dialysis center. In a small hospital like this she couldn't be sure. She wondered if the nurses were nice here. Camila had been a ray of sunshine and Yasmine seemed kind. Lilith was another story, and even though she didn't seem half as bad as Nurse Francis, Ava couldn't help but feel on edge because of the possibility of meeting more people like her. She wondered if they sold energy drinks at the hospital kiosk. Did they even have a kiosk?
“...and if you're taking any medication or supplements I'll need to know.”
“Okay I'm gonna stop you right there, Lilith. Can I call you Lilith? Anyway, whatever Jillian said works for me and to be completely honest you lost me about five minutes ago with all this doctor talk.”
Lilith raised one of her perfectly sharp eyebrows (Ava was so not jealous of them) and for a brief second, a look of amusement flashed across her eyes. “I've been talking for like a minute.”
***
An hour later Ava was hooked up to the dialyzer machine with a red bull in hand. She'd been lucky enough to have her fistula surgery at Jillian's medical ward a few months back when her kidney failure was first detected. She was not as lucky however, to be allowed to undergo dialysis treatment at home.
When she first noticed something was wrong she was staying in Norway. She'd been feeling nauseous and delirious for a few days and she could no longer blame it on all the travels. When her and her friends stopped at a gas station for the fifth time in four hours on account of Ava, she figured she must've come down with some virus. When Ava realized she needed to see a doctor she'd been in Sweden for three days. Her nausea was still very present, and she'd noticed a decrease in visits to the bathroom as well as her ankles swelling from time to time.
She'd called Jillian who told her to get on a plane home for a physical assessment, though she had her suspicions already from the symptoms Ava told her about. Six days later she was undergoing surgery in preparation for dialysis.
Which brings her here, seven months later, stuck in Spain once more. Cádiz was a beautiful city, really, that was undeniable, but it never felt like home. But, it was the closest to a home base Ava’s ever had, and she would be forever grateful to Jillian for that.
“You feel okay?” It was stoic, but Ava could feel the sentiment nonetheless. Lilith might be a badass, but she cared for people. Her line of work gave that information away to Ava for free.
Despite the fact that she protested, Ava kept calling her Lilith. She's never been much for formalities and she never liked how the dynamic changed with it.
“As good as someone who's ass will be numb in no time from being stuck in this chair.” Ava’s grin stretched across her face as she looked up at Lilith. As to emphasize, her body wiggled further into the armchair. A blanket was thrown over the backrest and a pillow was placed under the small coffee table to her right, currently home to her phone, headphones, and energy drink. “I'm sure I'll be able to make it work.”
Lilith only shook her head as she wrote something down on her notepad. Ava resisted the urge to ask or make a joke about it. She would have more than enough time to torment Lilith while she waited for a kidney transplant.
“Oh, is this the new patient?”
Ava turned to the face of the voice and her breath got caught in her throat, along with the sip of redbull she just swallowed, or well, tried to swallow. Her coughing earned the attention of both the women in front of her. She gave them a weak thumbs up as an indication that she was alright but none of them averted their gaze. It wasn't until her coughing fit was over that the two of them relaxed their shoulders and turned to face one another, leaving Ava alone to sit in her shame.
The woman next to Lilith could not be described in words. Her posture was straight, sturdy, like a poised ballerina. Despite her dark hair being tied into a perfect bun, a few strands had managed to get loose during the day to frame her face. Speaking of artworks, her sun kissed face looked like it belonged in a museum, each freckle painted on carefully and with purpose.
It would be such a bummer if this nurse was anything like Nurse Francis.
“Ava, this is Nurse Young, she'll look after you during your stay at the center. If you have any questions or concerns you can take them up with her.” And like a gust of wind, Lilith left the room.
“Ava, was it?” The nurse reached her hand out, “I'm Nurse Young, but you can just call me Beatrice.”
Beatrice. Ava thought as she shook her hand. Bringer of blessings.
“So, you come here often?” It's meant as a conversation starter, a means of getting this beautiful woman to talk to her. It's only after she's uttered all the words that she realized their meaning.
Beatrice looked taken back for about two seconds before the corners of her mouth twitched upwards, like she wasn't sure if she was allowed to laugh or not. “Well I work here. So yes, I come here quite often.”
“Oh right. Of course. Silly me.”
Instead of leaving her to it, Beatrice seemed to go through a filing cabinet in her brain over what to say next. Her gaze was on the coffee table with her forehead wrinkled adorably. If she wasn't going to speak soon Ava definitely would, and what would come out of her mouth would definitely not prove her social skills.
Beatrice directed her attention back to her, a small smile prying at her lips. “I know going through dialysis can be scary, but we're all here to take care of you. Lilith is the best doctor I've ever met and the people here are lovely. You'll be in good hands, Ava.”
“I bet. Your hands seem really sturdy.” And really, Ava didn't mean to make a fool of herself for the millionth time that day, especially not right off the bat, but her mouth has an astonishing interest in getting her into situations she can't back away from.
And when did she even look at Beatrice’s hands?
She could practically hear Micheal laughing at her from five miles away as she cleared her throat, “For injections and stuff I mean, like if you prodded me with a needle I probably wouldn't feel a thing.” Nice save, Silva!
“I suppose you'll find out sooner or later.” If Ava wasn't mistaken, she could make out a faint blush spilling over Beatrice’s brown turtleneck and up her jawline. “Is there anything you need before I leave you to it?”
Luckily for her, Ava’s mouth chose peace this time as she shook her head and left Nurse Young to continue her work.
***
It was a couple of hours later when Ava was entering her apartment building that Jillian called. Begrudgingly she answered as she fumbled with two grocery bags, trying to balance her phone between her ear and shoulder as she continued on with her journey up the stairs.
Ava barely had time to answer before Jillian spoke, “How was it?” She was a famous scientist and probably the busiest woman in the world, so formalities were often ignored in favor of time. Ava welcomed it with open arms.
“Fine. Standard. This Lilith woman is certainly something.”
Ava placed the bags down as she reached her door. She remembered putting her keys in one of them but could not for the life of her remember which.
Jillian hummed. “I reckon she can be… intense, but she's the best there is. If you'd rather be referred to someone else I have a list of a few people in mind.”
She started digging through the groceries as she answered, “No. Lilith is fine. She might send you a bill for a new reproductive organ thingy though. Aha!” She almost patted herself on the back as the keys came into fruition.
As used to Ava as one can be, Jillian didn't even bother to acknowledge her statement. “Call me if anything were to change, okay? I trust you'll follow their instructions and take this seriously.”
Ava placed the bags and her phone on the small kitchen counter. “I will. Promise. Are we still on for family dinner next week?” Ava wasn't sure why she asked when she knew the answer that was coming. Busiest woman on earth and whatnot.
“I'm afraid I can't make it. You and Micheal are more than welcome to use the house in my absence.” Jillian sounded distant now, distracted. Ava assumed her time sloth of the week was coming to a close.
“Eh, we'll just try another time.” When Ava packed up her groceries she couldn't help but sneak a spoonful of ice cream before putting it in the freezer. It was around that mouthful she spoke, “Love you MJ.”
It was a nickname Ava came up with when she was sixteen and still in physical therapy. One that she only used to utilize when her vulnerability was too overbearing. Now it flowed off her tongue as easy as the lyrics to Wannabe by Spice Girls.
“Take care, Ava.” Jillian said defiantly, before adding, “Love you,” as an afterthought.
Ava woke up the next day with hopes of having cereal for breakfast, only to realize she forgot to put the milk in the fridge the night before. She ate half the ice cream tub that morning instead.
***
When Ava sat in the dialysis chair for the second time, there was another patient in the chair across from hers. Mary was her name. Apparently she'd been coming here for quite some time since both Doctor Lilith and Beatrice fell into easy conversation with her.
Ava learned a lot about her by just listing in on their conversation. And if she had to pause the music in her earbuds to hear them it was no one else's business.
This Mary person looked just as intimidating as Lilith, but her aura felt entirely different. Ava got a vague sense of older sister vibes only five minutes into her visit, in which Mary and Lilith talked about her treatment going forward and how the fire department’s doing.
Beatrice had asked her about someone named Shanon, which instantly earned a huge smile from Mary as she explained how she was coming home from the states soon. The way Mary’s voice got softer as she spoke about this Shannon made it easy for Ava to diagnose them with lesbianism.
And then, because Ava’s mouth hates her, she spoke out loud when Mary asked if Beatrice was seeing someone.
“Hopefully me.”
The room stilled and Ava was sure a needle could be dropped and the sound would be deafening. She briefly thought about jumping out the window to save herself the embarrassment, but thought better of it when she realized she was still hooked up to the machine.
“Excuse me?” Beatrice was the one who broke the silence. Her tone wasn't harsh or judgmental, simply baffled and slightly amused.
This was probably a good time for her brain to think of an explanation or excuse, but all that came out of her mouth was “Uhm what?”
Mary laughed from her place slightly behind Beatrice. “Oh babygirl, you're gonna have to do better than that.”
Just like in the show saved by the bell (Ava assumed, she never watched it) she too, was saved by the bell (ringing) in Beatrice's phone.
“Excuse me for a moment,” She said before ducking her head and heading out of the room.
Ava released a deep breath, that was a close call. Then she heard Mary snicker.
“Someone has a crush on our very own resident lone wolf I see.”
Ava leveled her gaze at the woman. “I thought you worked at the fire department, so technically it's not ‘our’ resident is it?”
“Look at you,” Mary said with enthusiasm, like she was a proud big sister watching Ava finally stand up for herself. “Do you usually eavesdrop on other's conversations?”
“It's a small room.” Ava challenged. She wasn't exactly sure what the challenge was and she knew she definitely wouldn't win it, but she would put up a good fight, that much was true.
“Alright babygirl, but don't tell me those earbuds aren't paused.” Mary laughed, mostly for herself. “So, kid. What's your name?”
She furrowed her brows. Did this Mary person really give up that easily? Was she being played right now? She figured the least she could do after hearing most of Mary's life story was grant her access to her name.
“Ava.”
“Let me give you some advice, Ava,” Mary said, lowering her voice despite there being no one around. “Beatrice is a workaholic, a loner. She likes her life the way it is and wants order, stillness. Now, I don't know you, but you don't strike me as either of those things.”
Ava wanted to punch her, kick her, anything. Who did she think she was? Talking to her like this, telling her she's not fit for Beatrice like she knew anything about her from their small (barely) conversation.
“So please,” Mary continued, Ava was seconds away from jumping off her chair in retaliation. “Ask her out on a date.”
“You–what?” Ava has never been more flabbergasted. Okay maybe that time the officer told her to show her tits to get out of the drunk cell. All Ava would say about that is that she slept in her own bed that night.
This however, definitely took second place as far as flabbergasting goes. She had expected Mary to tell her to back off or that she'd never have a chance with a girl like Beatrice. But this? Ava wasn't sure what to make of this, and neither was her brain as it was trying to compute an answer.
She was still sitting with a baffled expression on her face as Beatrice returned from her call. Mary hadn't said anything else, instead she'd gone back to scroll on her phone. Beatrice's gaze switched between them before she settled on Mary. This time, as Beatrice started to clear her out for the day, Ava unpaused her music and turned up the volume. If Mary said anything about her or their conversation to Beatrice she'd never know.
***
Once Mary was gone Ava fell asleep in her chair to the loud pumping of Avril Lavigne playing in her ears. She was woken by a gentle hand shaking her arm.
“You're all done for today,” Beatrice said quietly as she took a step back from Ava's groggy form.
Instinctively Ava rubbed at her eyes and stretched out her back, accidentally managing to release a groan in the process. “God I love naps. My back though? Not so much.”
“Our chairs are comfortable, but they're not meant for sleeping in. I learned that the hard way when I spent four hours trying to fall asleep on that very chair.” Ava barely noticed Beatrice unhooking the machine from her, too engrossed in watching every microexpression appearing on her face as she remembered the event.
They were easy to miss, Ava learned, if you didn't pay enough attention. But she saw the fond smile that Beatrice couldn't hold back, saw the furrow of her eyebrows and crinkle of her nose. Each action was stored in a department in Ava's brain that she didn't dare to label yet.
“There, you're good to go.”
Ask her out on a date. It had been echoing around in Ava's head ever since she woke up. Ask her out on a date. She stood up and gathered her things. Ask her out on a date. She thanked Beatrice for today, said she'd see her again soon, then she walked out the door. Ask her out on a date.
Maybe next time.