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Tommy was married to Evan by a fluke. It was a rash decision even. But whatever miracle had occurred not once did Evan mention annulment. He knew he would not fight back and try to take half his assets, but if it came to that he would give half his assets or whatever he wanted to him.
But it felt like he was losing Evan, he was not able to enjoy himself while Evan pounded in him. It felt like he trapped Evan into a marriage he was not ready for. He is a selfish idiot who has just kept this sunshine of a man bound to him.
Evan was growing close to Eddie during his shifts. He enjoyed his time with Eddie and his kid Chris. Maybe he should be with someone near his age, who would provide him with an actual family.
******
It was another one of those times when he felt that he was not good enough for Evan, that their shotgun wedding in Vegas was a fluke, and any day, Evan would see him for who he is and move to greener pastures, as he should.
Evan just stopped kissing him abruptly, dislodged himself from the top of him, and sat next to him.
"Baby, Tom, what's wrong? Your mind does not seem to be clear about it. Am I not doing something properly?"
Tommy wanted to say. That he feels like a fraud for trapping Evan, that he can do much better than an older PTSD laden guy in his early 40's, that he still has a lot of world to explore, that he is still young enough and can have an family of his own, instead of living in his fixer upper which still needed repairs after all the years he has lived in it. But all that gets out of his mouth is," Maybe we should look into getting our marriage annulled, or if it's too late, we can get a divorce; you don't need to live with me against your will."
Evan just sat there in silence, stunned. This was the last thing he wanted to hear from Tommy's mouth. But he knew that this day would come. That eventually he would be too much for him, like he always was for his parents, Maddie, and even his frat house friends in LA. He knew this day would come, but it still hurt to finally have confirmation about it. Unbeknownst to him, tears start rolling out of his eyes. And he started crying, hard.
"Baby, Evan, please talk to me, why are you crying?"
"I am sorry that I am too much. It's okay if you don't want me anymore. I thought that you had fallen in love with me over the last year and a half, but it's okay if you don't love me. I get it."
"Evan, no baby, I love you. I just think that you can do better than I. "
That got Evan's attention, he sniffed loudly as he looked at Tommy with utter confusion.
"You just asked me for an annulment Tommy, so I guess that does mean you don't want me around. "
" No." Tommy's eyes were red-rimmed at this point. "I love you. I always have since I laid my eyes on you. "
"The. Why Tommy? Why am I hearing about it for the first time now? That you love me. And I am listening to it for the first time after you proposed about the utter nonsense."
Tommy said in a meek voice. ," I think you can do better than me, that I trapped you in this marriage. "
"I am not a fucking kid Tommy. Yes, we were drunk when I got married in that chapel to you. But after that staying with you had been a conscious decision of mine. I am here because I want to be. Because I am in love with you, even though I don't know what to do to get that inside that thick skull of yours."
"I can provide you with family, I am not getting any younger, you are still young and you can be whatever you want to achieve in life."
Buck is living. He is fucking pissed. He loves this man. But God is he thick. He just can't deal with this bullshit right now. How can it be possible that he was going to devour this man a few minutes ago, still wants, and at the same moment, he wants to fucking deck this guy. He starts wearing his t-shirt. He needs fucking space from whatever this idiotic circus is happening in his husband's mind.
" God, Tommy. I love you. But I can't fucking deal with this right now. We are not getting annulment. But lord help me, that beautiful mind of yours is giving me aneurysm, we are getting marriage counseling like fucking adults, and you are not getting rid of me if you love me.
And I am not a kid who can't know what he wants or doesn't want. I want you and this life. So, fuck you. "
Tommy seemed a little relieved by all this, even amused by Evan's outburst.
He chuckled and said," You were about to!"
Evan exhaled loudly and asked," I was about to what?"
" Fuck me!" Tommy said with a shit eating grin.
" Don't be smart with me Tommy. " Evan said as he was annoyed with the love of his life.
" I am sleeping in the guest room. Unless we get some counselling and Frank knocks some sense into your brain."
He stormed out of the room. And closed the door with a bang. Tommy was a moron, but at least he was Evan's moron.
####### Few days later.#######
It was weird sitting in a shrink's office when it was not mandated by the department. But then again, he was a a mor, on, so he sat wiEvanvan on the couch opposiFrank.
" Buck, what seems to be the issue. I usually don't do marriage counseling. But since you both have been my clients and are first responders, I have made an exception."
Buck exhaled, "Thank you, Frank. It's just that we love each other. But Tommy suggested we get our marriage annulled. And we both are not good at communicating our feelings to each other."
The hour sitting in therapy was emotionally taxing. God Tommy hated talking about his feelings and bickering with Evan.
" You can find a better person and have a family of your own. "
" I have a loving husband, and that is enough of a family. I need Tommy. I love you because you are kind, handsome, understanding, caring, competent at your job, and you are easy on the eyes. Why would I want to be with someone else when I already have what I fucking want, right in front of my eyes? "
Evan was out of breath, but Tommy was looking right at him. They were lost in each other's eyes, maybe just maybe it got inside Tommy's thick skull that he is loved not despite his flaws, but even with them. The way Evan lights up his world is the same way Evan feels about it. Maybe the world had stopped being cruel to Tommy, he has paid his dues, and he actually does have a loving husband, a good job, and a life he loves. Maybe he can have it all.
" You don't want anything else than me ?" He asks hopefully in a low voice.
"Our house is once species short, maybe we should get a cat. " Evan smirked, and he chuckled.
Someone cleared their throat in the background. So Frank told them their time was up, and maybe they need a couple more joint appointments before they started Tommy's therapy again. He hated therapy, but he agreed to it nonetheless cause he would do anything to keep whatever he had in life and try not to self-sabotage it again.
They were on their way back home in a truck. When he asked.
" Were you serious about the cat?" Tommy asked.
" And here you thought I don't watch the crappy TV you watch. ". Evan said.
" First of all, supernatural is not crappy TV, and I did watch the whale documentary with you. "
" I want to have a pet cat in a few years. A grumpy old cat who does not like being touched but gets comfy when he gets used to people loving him."
" Are we still talking about the cat?"
Evan just smiles and places his hand on Tommy's thigh as he gets them to their home.
#######
Tomorrow is going to be a fuck all shift. He will be sleep-deprived. Maybe Bobby would make him the man behind the station. But right now, he can't deal with not touching Tommy.
After the appointment and not touching Tommy for days, he doesn't want to do that anymore. So he doesn't, Tommy seems to feel that way too.
It was like a damn broke out. He loves Tommy and Tommy loves him; he says it as he keeps kissing Tommy gingerly, everywhere. He can speak about how he loves this guy, instead of just showing him through his actions that he loves him. He is terrified and thrilled at the same time.
They spend hours in bed. It was soft and hard. They go at it so many times, but he never gets enough of it, this frustrating husband of his, god he loves him, but he just need to be claimed with teeth and claws to remind him that he is not leaving anytime soon or never, he is Evan kinard and he is an stubborn asshole like all kinards are. He is a bit of an asshole like that.