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The December City Supernatural Workers Association
Invites YOU to our semi-annual mixer and speed dating event!
Meet new people! Build your professional network! Make new friends!
When: Friday, October 13, Midnight
Where: Rosa’s Bar, 491 Sundog Blvd
Door Charge $$10
Free Parking!
Halloween Decorations!
Stay for the raffle!
Wednesday, October 11, 18:30
Meryl came back from her lunch break to find the poster sitting on her desk. It had a clip art of a cartoon witch shooting lightning bolts out of a magic wand and a dragon with hearts coming out of its mouth instead of fire breath.
There was another copy of the poster in the break room, inside all the bathroom stalls, and on the telephone pole outside the office. By the time she opened a filing cabinet and found one filed under F (for "fun," no doubt), it was abundantly clear who was responsible.
“We should go, Meryl,” Milly insisted on their way home that night. “Connie works very hard to organize these events, and after I made the poster to help her out, I think it would be poor form not to make an appearance.”
“It’s not that I think it’s a bad idea,” Meryl replied. Working in the magic sector had people out at all hours of the night, which made it miserably hard to maintain a social life. Connie was doing some serious heavy lifting for the community by running these events. “I just never know what to say to people, and speed dating sounds like a nightmare. Am I supposed to ask someone personal questions if I just met them? That will make me look weird, but if I only make small talk, I’ll come across as cold. There’s really no winning in that situation.”
“Don’t be silly. You’re extremely charming. I’m sure everyone there will see that, as long as you remember to have fun and be yourself! Besides,” Milly winked and flicked the wide brim of Meryl’s pointy hat. “Who doesn’t love a woman in uniform?”
“Alright, fine, but you have to buy me a fancy drink.”
“Yes, ma’am!”
Friday, October 13, 00:45
Vash sat across the table from a small witch in a huge white hat. Her name tag read: Meryl Stryfe, Bernardelli Insurance Society.
“What do you do for work?” She asked him. “Do you have a magic specialty area?”
“Oh, I’m not in DCSWA. I just work at the bar temporarily ‘cause Rosa needs extra help until the baby comes. I lift heavy stuff and close, mostly. And I drop off deliveries sometimes, stop people from getting into fights... I think I made your drink earlier. I call it the ‘Surprise me!'”
The drink in question was bright red with multicolored ice cubes, a huge curly straw, three cocktail umbrellas, and a gummy shark.
“This is a Shirley Temple with extra red food coloring, isn’t it?”
“I’m afraid that’s a trade secret, ma’am.”
Instead of laughing, she narrowed her eyes at him.
“So, what? You're speed dating on the clock?"
“Oh no. I don’t actually work tonight. I'm doing this event as a favor to Connie. She wasn’t sure if enough people would show up, so she asked me to help pad out the numbers.”
“Are you just a pushover who will do anything anyone asks of him?”
“Not at all! I'm looking for love like anyone else! (Wink!)” Vash winked.
“Did you just say ‘wink’?
“Don't be silly!” He winked again, quietly.
“You know,” Meryl said, swirling her straw through the forest of cocktail umbrellas, “I could use some help moving this weekend. You said you can lift heavy stuff, right?”
“Sure, what's the address?”
“I knew I was right! You are a pushover!” Meryl triumphantly slapped her hands on the table. “I’m not actually moving.”
“Hey! Cut a guy some slack, will ya?!”
BZZZT!
“That buzzer means time’s up!” yelled Connie over the din in the bar, “Change places!"
Vash’s next conversation partner was a man in a conspicuously inconspicuous black suit. He wasn’t wearing a name tag, which was weird, but then again, neither was Vash. The man studied Vash for a moment before speaking up.
“Anyone ever tell you you look a lot like that guy on all the wanted posters?”
It was too early in the night for this.
Vash tried laughing him off.
“Funny story about that. It's because we're related.”
“Right,” said no-name, clearly not buying it. “Do ya catch a lot of flak for it?”
“Only from bounty hunters. I'm pretty good at avoiding trouble though.”
No-name narrowed his eyes.
“Lots of bounty hunters on the DCSWA roster. Showing up to this shindig your idea of avoiding trouble?”
“I don’t think it matters to you unless you’re one of them?”
The man’s laugh was surprisingly loud.
“I’m not at the moment, but it might be worth dabbling for a bounty that big. Hey! Ever thought about turning yourself in for the money, then busting out? Shouldn’t be too difficult for the likes of Vash the Stamp—”
Vash’s arm shot out over the table to clap a hand over his mouth.
“Can you keep your voice down?”
“What good's that gonna do?” The reply came out muffled. “It’s not like you’re keeping your face down.” He grabbed Vash’s chin, squishing his cheeks, then they both realized they were holding each other by the face in the middle of a crowded bar and sat down in unison, blushing violently.
“Never mind,” Vash said, looking away. “What do you do then, if you’re not a bounty hunter?"
“I'm an exorcist.”
“Oh!” A feather started to poke its way free from Vash's neck and he slapped his hand over it with more force than necessary. This was really not ideal. “Ehem! Exorcist! HAHA! I mean! That's so interesting, tell me about it!"
BZZZT!
“Change places!”
Vash bolted with inhuman speed to the furthest free table where he found himself in front of another witch. With the hat on, she towered over him. Perfect.
“Hi I'm Milly Thompson what's your name?"
“Vash,” said Vash, sweating bullets.
“Well hello there Mr. Vash your outfit really is spectacular! I hope you've been having a good night so far. My partner Meryl and I are here looking for new friends and maybe even something more if we meet the right people. After all you never know what fate has in store for you and life can really be full of surprises and mystery, don’t you think?”
“It sure can!” He laughed weakly. Across the room, the exorcist was locked in some kind of heated argument with Meryl the insurance witch, so he was probably in the clear. He leaned to one side to more effectively hide behind Milly and took his hand away from his neck again.
“Last week we investigated one of the most mysterious things I’ve ever seen!” Milly continued, “There was this alchemist fire in a downtown apartment building, and it started on the very top floor. Now, as I’m sure you know alchemist fire burns through anything, and if you start one on the top floor it'll just burn straight down through the whole building and nothing really stops it. The whole place would have gone up in flames before the fire department could arrive with the counterspell, but instead, the whole top floor of the building disappeared before the fire could spread! Gone! Just like that! Meryl thinks that one of the downstairs tenants is a secret wizard who teleported the top floor to a demiplane, but I disagree.”
Vash opened his mouth to reply, but Milly hadn’t finished talking yet.
“I think the teleportation magic must be divine in origin because of the unique traces left at the scene. That's also the only way to explain how the arsonist was found miraculously unharmed in the parking lot at the same time as the disappearance! Meryl said it’s unlikely, and who’s ever heard of a cleric who leaves feathers everywhere? But I think stranger things have happened. What's your theory, Mr. Vash?”
“Gee, I’m not sure.”
BZZZT!
“Change places!"
Vash really needed to get out of here.
Friday, October 13, 01:56
"Well, that was a bust,” declared Meryl as she and Milly got in the car to leave.
“Don’t say that, ma’am, we won the raffle!” replied Milly. She maneuvered their prize into the back seat and clicked the seat belt snugly into place around it.
“That thing is atrocious, Milly. I can’t believe you wanted to take it home.”
Milly decided Meryl was chuckling too much to be serious.
“I think she’s hilarious! Let’s dress her up in a silly outfit next time we have people over! Oh! We should invite our new friends from the mixer! Won’t that be fun? I bet they’ll get a real kick out of it.”
Meryl crossed her arms over her chest and huffed.
“That would imply that we met anyone worth seeing again,” she said, although Milly thought the blush on her face betrayed her somewhat. It was obvious even in the darkened parking lot.
"I dunno Meryl, Mr. Vash was very sweet, and he seems just like your type."
"Definitely not. He's obviously a complete goof of a man. And he's a pushover. I'd never be able to tell what he's really thinking."
"What about Mr. Exorcist? He has a big heart, and you two were really chatting up a storm!"
"He was an ass. He thinks he knows more about trace magic than I do! I'm a witch! I don't wear this hat to get disrespected by journeyman exorcists. And he called me short!"
Milly settled into the passenger seat and thought for a moment.
"Well Meryl, all those things are probably true, but I've known you for a long time, and I've never seen you show interest in a man you couldn't find fault with. I think we should give it a shot just to see what happens."
"It's a moot point,” Meryl scoffed as she turned onto the street. “We don't have any way to contact them."
"Don't worry about that, I got both their numbers. Gosh! Is that Mr. Vash on the roof?"
"Where?!"
"Look out Meryl!"
WHAM!
Friday, October 13, 02:01
Wolfwood had been hit by cars before, but never by accident.
He'd been kidnapped before, but never by accident.
Maybe that was why he couldn't stop laughing when the insurance witches from the speed dating thing shoved him into the back of their car and floored it through the city streets. Who knew the tiny one had a lead foot? Hilarious.
"Milly, I think your healing spell is having side effects!"
"I'm trying my best, Meryl!"
Wolfwood curled in on himself and cackled harder. He definitely had a couple of broken ribs. Wouldn't be the first time. Although this would be the first time it had happened because he was trying to check out some weird-looking blonde guys on a rooftop. Maybe he shouldn't have been trying to light a cigarette, cross the street, and crane his neck to look at said rooftop all at the same time.
Oh well. This outcome wasn't actually that bad. If he'd been more responsible, he probably wouldn’t have wound up lying across the back seat staring into the big girl's eyes. She looked horrified as she waved her hands over him, casting her spell, but she sure was beautiful.
The tiny one was white-knuckling the steering wheel and kept glancing over her shoulder at him. The car jerked to one side every time she did it. She was funny. Both of their pointy hats bent at the top where they met the ceiling.
"You two are gonna need a bigger car," he wheezed. "You should get one with a sunroof! Keep yer hats in tip-top shape. Or a moonroof! That’s better for witches. Hehehe."
"He's delusional, Meryl! What if he has head trauma!?"
"I'll just have to go faster!" The little hatchback produced an ungodly sound. "The closest ER is on Westage, right?!"
Wolfwood didn’t think it was head trauma; his head was nice and comfy. He turned his neck to investigate why and discovered it was resting on something squishy and pink.
Oh, this was even funnier than getting hit by a car.
His giggles descended into the silent, paralyzing sob-laughter that robs you of breath and makes you wonder if it will ever stop. Tears rolled out the corners of his eyes and his vision started to go dark around the edges.
That was when something big hit the roof.
Friday, October 13, 02:01
“Oh shit oh shit oh shit this is all my fault!”
Vash was starting to panic now.
It was surprisingly hard to catch up to a speeding car on wings. He could fly pretty fast, but this city had way too many low electrical wires. He didn’t remember the streets seeming this narrow from the ground. And how did such a small witch drive so recklessly? It was all he could do not to lose the car completely as it careened through the empty streets at what must have been witchcraft-enhanced speeds.
He finally saw an opening to grab the car when it turned onto Westage Boulevard along the river. He touched down on its roof and did his best to retract the wings as he crawled in through the open window.
"JESUS H. CHRIST WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!"
Vash had not expected the exorcist to pull a gun on him, or that he would be able to aim so steadily after being hit by a Subaru and put under some kind of giggling curse. He nevertheless managed to unload an entire magazine at Vash without doing any damage to the huge inflatable sex doll taking up most of the back seat.
Vash harmlessly deflected the bullets through the ceiling with his metal hand. Hopefully the feathers and the floating eyeballs had faded already; otherwise, this next part wasn't going to go over well.
"Don't be afraid! It's me! Remember me? It's Vash! From the bar!"
It did not go over well. Milly screamed, and the car swerved into the oncoming lane, slamming him into the exorcist, who howled with laughter as Vash broke out in feathers again. The doll was the only one wearing a seat belt.
"Oh my God Meryl, I think I might be delusional, too!"
"Were those gunshots?! In my car?!”
"Please pull over! I can explain everything!"
“Watch the road, Shorty!”
Vash remembered too late why this street was so completely devoid of traffic.
Friday, October 13, 02:01
December, in the hearts and minds of its residents, had never been considered an “interesting” city. If you asked one of them for their idea of an interesting place, the first example to come to their mind might be November, with its sprawling wizard college, or July, with its dazzling entertainment district. Even Augusta had a winning baseball team and a museum of famous hats.
December was boring by comparison, but on this particular night, it could have given any one of those other places a run for its money.
In any of those places, the sight of a hatchback screaming through a whole flock of “road work ahead,” and “road closed,” and “do not enter” signs at two o’clock in the morning would have at least been notable. Said hatchback trailing enormous wings, glowing with every color of magic, reducing each sign to naught but burning dust as it crashed straight through each of them in turn before flying off the end of an unfinished bridge? That was interesting no matter where in the world you were. Truly a sight for the ages, one for the record books, maybe even spectacular enough to put December on the map for something other than drab business people and really cheap bars.
Sadly, only two people bore witness to the spectacle: Roberto De Niro, who was too drunk to care about anything other than unlocking his apartment door and going to bed, and the black cat sitting on his windowsill, determined to con him into giving her a second dinner after escaping Meryl and Milly’s apartment.
Neither of them gave the sight more than a passing thought, and December’s reputation remained unchanged.
Friday, October 13, 02:02
As the car sailed through empty air over the river (read: the trickle of water at the bottom of a wide concrete trench that people were used to calling “the river”), Vash realized the only way out of this was to break some rules regarding visible miracles. Again.
He knew this meant the insurance witches would catch him immediately, not to mention the exorcist, but the alternative was letting them all die horribly in a car crash that never would have happened if he hadn’t been arguing with his brother on the roof of the bar. Maybe, if he lied boldly enough after the dust settled, they’d accept whatever he said out of pure shock, and that would buy him enough time to leave town and start over somewhere else. Again.
At least they already had a flotation device.
Friday, October 13, 02:02
Meryl never imagined it would end like this. Not in a million, billion years. She was a responsible person. She had a perfect driving record. She had never been involved in even a minor magical accident. She had memorized countless actuarial tables and knew exactly how to avoid unnecessary risks in her life.
Yet here she was, flying off the end of a bridge with a demon and a giggling exorcist and a giant inflatable sex doll in the back seat of her car. A claims investigator from her own company would likely have to sort through the wreckage. This was how she was going to be remembered.
She locked eyes with Milly for one last time, and, as if in slow motion, watched her expression of wide-eyed terror morph into wide-eyed confusion at whatever was happening over Meryl’s shoulder. She kept screaming the whole time. So did Meryl. So did the exorcist.
The river, which Meryl recalled would be put to shame by a leaky faucet on a good day, roiled underneath the car.
“Open the doors!” Screamed the thing that had crawled in the window.
She did so without thinking; a burst of involuntary magic sent them flying off their hinges.
Water reared up in a torrent, devouring the car, the doors, the bridge, the construction vehicles, the few surviving road signs, and more than a few traffic lights. The world went dark, and Meryl lost all sense of direction. She lost her grip on the steering wheel. She lost her hat!
Next thing she knew, the current had swept her away. A large hand caught her by the wrist. By the time she got two breaths in a row, she was clinging to Milly’s back. A few minutes later, the churning waters had calmed to a steady flow.
Floating serenely downstream, Meryl spat out a mouthful of (surprisingly clean?) river water and tried to get back in touch with reality. It wasn’t easy, partially because she’d never even heard of the river having water in it, and partially because it was pitch dark. None of the surrounding street lamps had survived, and the full moon had inexplicably disappeared behind a cloud in the middle of the dry season. The only light came from the stars overhead.
Pinching herself, Meryl determined she was alive and not dreaming. Milly, directly under her, was also alive and breathing. Someone else nearby was alive and wheezing.
She reached out an arm and felt the plasticky surface of the raffle prize.
“I cannot believe this thing saved our lives,” she groaned.
The wheezing resolved into laughing, which confirmed the exorcist had survived. She still had to get him to the hospital somehow. Milly had evidently done a number on him.
“I promise I will take you to a real healer as soon as I figure out how far downstream we are.” Meryl had no idea how she was going to do that in a blackout without a car, but the principle still mattered.
“Don’t worry about me,” he laughed. “I’m doing great, actually.”
“You’re still laughing!”
“Yeah, but the water washed the curse off me. You’re just funny.”
“That doesn’t make any sense! First of all, that’s not how curses work, and second of all, I don’t even think that counts as a curse! Actually, none of that matters. You were hit by a car! You might have internal bleeding!”
“Trust me, I’ve seen worse—OI! What was that for, big girl?!”
Witches were practical by nature, and Milly was no exception. By the sound of it, she had taken the shortest route to finding out if he was right by jabbing him in the side with her finger.
“I believe him, Meryl. If he had any broken ribs, he should have screamed like a baby.”
“That settles it,” agreed the exorcist. “Now let’s get the hell out of here and dry off.”
As if on cue, a light flashed from what must have been the water’s edge, waving back and forth like a particularly anxious lighthouse.
“AHOY, WITCHES AND WOLFWOOD!”
Milly’s arm shot up, and she waved back with similar fervor. “AHOY MR. VASH!”
Vash? Was that the weird guy from the bar?! What was he doing here? What the hell was a wolfwood?
“I’m throwing you a rope!” yelled Vash.
Meryl was about to question how he could even see them at this distance, let alone throw them anything with any accuracy. Then came an “oof” from the exorcist as the knotted end of a rope collided with his skull.
“What the fuck?! Didja do that on purpose!?”
“Had to make sure you could find it in the dark!”
Friday, October 13, 02:12
Water dripped off the ends of Milly’s hair as she watched Meryl chalk a magic circle onto the wet ground. This was a difficult task on a good day, but working by the light of a pocket flashlight when you were shivering like a hypothermic chihuahua made it a feat. Meryl really was amazing.
It was a good thing Mr. Vash was so well prepared for emergencies. From the pockets of his spectacular red coat, he had pulled not only the flashlight but the chalk, the ritual candles, and the sapwood sticks Meryl needed to craft her Warm and Dry spell. And he had brought the rope they’d used to get to shore. And he had a dry pack of cigarettes. And matches. And now Mr. Wolfwood was in much better spirits, even though he was shivering just as badly as Meryl.
“Make sure you’re inside the circle, everyone,” Meryl said as she joined the last of the lines around them. “I’m only doing this once. Milly, light the candles.”
“Yes ma’am!” Milly replied through chattering teeth.
She struck a match and noticed the matchbook had a cartoon mascot on it: a one-armed cherub blowing a kiss. Cute!
With a few words from Meryl, the glow of the candles grew and grew, consuming the circle. Milly closed her eyes against the orange light and felt warmth sizzle over her. Water steamed off her from the toes of her soaked shoes to the ends of her eyelashes.
She opened her eyes to see Meryl clean, dry, pressed, and looking for all the world like she was ready for work (if not for her missing hat). Even her hair was blown-out and shiny. Milly always marveled at the ways magic took on the personality of its caster. Her own clothes felt as if they’d come fresh from the laundry. Classic Meryl.
Mr. Wolfwood looked similarly quaffed and sparkly but still shivered quite badly. Milly pressed the back of her hand to his forehead and found it was freezing.
“Oh no, ma’am. I think something went wrong.”
“What!? These runes are perfect! The rest of us are fine. Even him!” She gestured at Mr. Vash, whose red leather coat shone in the dim light as if recently conditioned.
Milly had not known Mr. Wolfwood for long, but it was easy to see he had a strong personality like Meryl. She expected him to respond with a sarcastic remark about the misfired spell, but it seemed the most he could muster right now was to stay on his feet.
“Can you try again, just to be safe?” Milly asked.
“Fine.” The candles flared again as Meryl repeated the incantation, leaving Milly feeling over-warmed, borderline sweaty. “Is he doing any better?”
Milly held a candle up to Mr. Wolfwood’s face for a closer look.
“His lips are blue.”
“Damn it,” said Meryl, running a hand through her hair. “Milly, do you have any spells for hypothermia?”
“I don’t think our spells work very well on him, ma’am. What about you, Mr. Vash?”
“Sorry, but I can’t do any magic. We might have to get him inside so he can warm up the slow way. Do you happen to live nearby?”
“That depends,” Meryl said through gritted teeth. Oh, dear. Her patience really was nearing its end for the night. “Do you happen to know where we are?”
“Right at the corner of Westage and forty-fifth street, if I’m not mistaken,” Mr. Vash replied brightly.
This was music to Milly’s ears. For such an unusual situation, things could hardly be going better.
“Isn’t that lucky, Meryl? We’ll be home in no time!” Milly scooped up Mr. Wolfwood and grabbed the flashlight from Mr. Vash with her free hand. “Everyone, bring a candle so we don’t get separated in the dark. I’ll lead us back home, and we can all have a hot drink once we’re out of the cold. Oh, and you two can meet our cat!”
Friday, October 13, 12:02
Wolfwood woke up on an unfamiliar floor and did his usual checks. Pain: none. Limbs: four. Eyes: two. Ten fingers, ten toes. Teeth: all present and accounted for. Punisher: not within arms reach. He sat up and looked around. Right. He’d left it at home because he hadn’t been working last night. He’d taken Livio’s advice and gone out to “meet people”.
Somehow, he had wound up here: between a couch and a coffee table in a well-appointed living room that smelled like vanilla candles.
There was a demon sleeping on the couch next to him.
He drew the pistol from his shoulder holster, remembered it was empty, and put it back.
That wasn’t a demon. That was Vash from the bar. Why had he thought otherwise?
Wolfwood shook his head and blinked hard.
He didn’t remember drinking a lot. He wasn’t hungover. He did remember that the witches had hit him with their car on the way out of the parking lot and shoved him in the back seat. Some time later, they’d met up with Vash and all gone home together on account of being wet and cold and miserable. This must be the witches’ apartment, then.
The only sound of note in the apartment was soft snoring in an adjoining room, which meant he was the first one awake.
Only one thing to do in these circumstances.
Friday, October 13, 12:30
Meryl woke to the sound of her usual alarm, tucked into her usual bed, wearing her usual sleeping mask and nightshirt. Her usual cat was hogging most of her pillow.
Oh good, she thought. It was all a dream.
Milly must have left the bedroom window open overnight, because Roberto’s cigarette smoke was wafting in from downstairs again. She took a few sleepy steps to the window to close it, only to find it was already shut. Weird.
Through the window, she spotted her car in the hotly contested prime parking spot directly in front of the building—not where she remembered leaving it. Meryl almost always worked too late to get that spot before any of her neighbors. Milly must have gone out in the morning and snagged it on the return trip. Hopefully she wouldn’t be too tired from waking up early; they were planning to stay out late for Connie’s mixer tonight. The real mixer. Not the bizarre nightmare version her sleeping subconscious had conjured.
Meryl shuffled to the kitchen, blinking the sleep away and choosing to focus on the smell of coffee instead of her disturbingly vivid dream.
When she got there, she was met by a large man wearing a rumpled suit and Milly’s Hello Kitty apron.
The very real events of last night crashed into her like a tidal wave.
“What are you doing here?!” She knew the answer, but she yelled anyway. For catharsis.
Wolfwood flinched, sending a pancake flying off his spatula as he threw his hands up in the universal gesture of surrender.
“Making pancakes!” he yelled back. “I thought that was obvious!”
Meryl looked from the lit cigarette in his mouth to the pancake stuck to the ceiling to the raffle prize sitting at the table wearing Milly’s spare hat.
Before she could pick her jaw up off the floor, Milly barged in with her hand locked around Vash’s wrist.
“Meryl, Meryl! Look what’s in the paper!!”
As if Meryl had a choice. This kitchen had not been built to hold so many over-six-feet people. Meryl was left smushed between three giants with no means of escape as Milly spread out the morning edition over their small kitchen table. The headline read:
Freak Flash Flood Flabbergasts Foremen! Bridge Construction delayed due to unexplained meteorological phenomena. From City Hall, Mayor Leitner announces that this was also the cause of the late-night blackouts, and utility teams will be working overtime to restore service by end-of-day Saturday. December City Supernatural Workers Association has yet to release a statement, although several unaffiliated magic industry representatives were found on the scene early this morning. Bernardelli Insurance Society declares “Act of God”. Claims investigators have already been dispatched to determine the extent of... read more p28.
The accompanying photo, taken from the bottom of the (once again dry) river bed, showed the half-finished bridge, scrubbed bare by the flood. Not a trace of the construction site remained. The equipment that had been there the previous night was instead stacked in a tower on the riverbed. At the very top, shining like a beacon on the cheaply-printed page, was Meryl’s pointy white witch’s hat.
“You have got to be kidding me.” Meryl found herself overcome with the need to deny this was happening, even as the evidence to the contrary piled up in front of her face. “This can’t be real.”
Looking closer, the whole scene was covered in what might have been a light dusting of snow. Not snow—they were smack in the middle of the dry season. It had to be feathers. Exactly like the penthouse fire case.
Meryl looked up as Vash yelped. Milly had plucked something from his hairline. It glittered in the light as she held it out for Meryl to inspect.
A feather.
“You mean he’s the—”
“Welp, I guess I’d better be going! It was great meeting you all!” Vash moved to leave, but Milly’s grip was like iron and he didn’t make it out of the kitchen.
“I didn’t know you had somewhere to be, Mr. Vash,” she said in her sweetest of no-nonsense voices. “I was so hoping you’d stay for breakfast. I’ve never met an—”
She was interrupted by the blaring of the fire alarm.
The cigarette had dropped out of Wolfwood’s open mouth and into the pan of hot oil, starting a small but ambitious grease fire. It had crept up his sleeve to his elbow before he pulled himself together enough to swat at it with the spatula, and by then it was far too late.
Vash screeched and jumped into Milly’s arms as the flames caught the curtains.
“Him?! Seriously?!” Meryl clenched and unclenched her fists. “That guy?!”
The ceiling pancake unstuck itself and landed on Meryl’s face with a splat. She removed it just in time to see Vash wink at her as water came gushing down from the ceiling.
She recalled that this apartment had not had a sprinkler system before today.
Milly beamed.
“Isn’t this great, Meryl? Mystery solved! Now we can finish our case report!”
The End