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Wolverine Teaches Spider-Man Skiing

Summary:

Closing in on the villainous 'Winter', the party has found themselves on the island of eternal snow. In such a place Wolverine decides Spider-Man needs more survival training—and that training is apparently skiing bootcamp.

This standalone scene is excerpted from Chapter 23 (To Plieya) of "Wolverine & Spider-Man: RPG Isekai", a longform Marvel AU. No prior context needed—just enjoy some Spidey/Wolvie goodness.

Full fic linked in author's note.

Notes:

This is a standalone scene excerpted from Chapter 23 of the longfic “Wolverine & Spider-Man: RPG Isekai.”

PARTY RUNDOWN
Wolverine and Spider-Man - two super humans currently trapped in a fantasy world
Wyn - party leader, paladin
Boksee Jr. - half-halfling ranger
Nih - drow druid

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“Looks like there’s no welcome wagon,” concluded Logan looking around.

With Winter still having failed to make an appearance, and after several more rounds of asking random locals for clues, the party was stood out of the way behind some shop by the lake, their efforts so far fruitless.

“What now?” asked Boksee.

Wolverine looked to the looming frigid hills.

“You think she could be outside of town anywhere?” he asked.

“It’s possible,” answered Wyn. “I don’t believe there are any other settlements, but there are other areas of interest visitors frequent. At least according to my new Plieya guide,” she cheered happily pulling out a pamphlet.

“Paladin, you bring me joy,” said Boksee.

“Summer was rather isolated,” said Nih. “It’s possible Winter is using this remote location as a place of hiding.”

“Especially if she also happens to be building a super weapon,” said Spider-man sat over them on a ledge. “Afterall, the right location is the number two consideration when investing in evil lair real-estate.”

“What’s number one?” asked Boksee.

“Good ventilation.”

“I suppose I can try looking into these other island locations,” said Wyn half-heartedly brandishing her pamphlet. “See if any of them speak to me,” she shrugged.

“Oh yah. See if any of them have an evil lair aura,” agreed Boksee.

“Mm,” grunted Logan. “You three keep diggin’ around. See if you can’t pick up a trail, yah? If we’ve got a minute, there’s somethin’ important I gotta take care of.”

“Sure,” said Wyn reading. “Ranger, does Dead Man’s Ridge have evil lair aura?” she asked seriously.

“Mmm, it might be trying too hard.”

Wolverine latched a thick hand around Spider-man’s ankle.

“And I’m gonna need to borrow this one.”

“Heh?”

 


 

Skis fastened and poles in hand, the two metahumans stood atop a high snowy hill.

“And we’re wasting time on this because...?” asked Spider-man.

“We ain’t wastin’ time. This is some crucial trainin’,” gruffed Wolverine affronted. “We’re in a hostile environment and I ain’t gonna be the only one that knows what he’s doin’.”

“Yah, hostile, that’s how I’d describe this.”

The younger man looked over to see a pair of boys laughing as they took off down a sled.

“We don’t even know if we’re going to have to leave town yet,” Peter continued to argue.

“Just in case. ‘Sides, I gotta feelin’.”

Wolverine shook his head, clenching his eyes with a snort.

“Woah, are you ok?”

“Huh? Yah, yah.”

Spider-man gave him a look, then he turned and watched another group line themselves up and take off skiing. The old mutant had found them a popular spot for it.

“I’m surprised they even have skiing here. With all the travel and equipment you need, I always thought of it as more of a modern sport.”

“Modern? Fuck kid, skiing is ancient. And it ain’t just a sport,” Logan lectured. “Skiing is how you move in the mountains and on the tundra. It’s ancient, was made for hunting. And from Finland to the Kodiak, troops to this day are still training on ski warfare.”

“Huh, the more you know.”

As Logan prepped, Peter looked at the long snowy slope and cringed. The other man noticed.

“What, ya’ scared?” the mutant jeered. “I thought you liked a thrill, the wind in your mask.”

“Yah, but on my terms, not held hostage by a pair of six-foot planks tied to my feet,” he said raising a foot. “It sounds like the fastest way to break a leg.”

“Not if you do it right.”

Bending his knees, Wolverine pulled down his slitted goggles and assumed the skiing stance. Spider-man already had his mask on.

“It’s all about where you put your center of gravity. Keep it forward, or keep it very forward. Side to side. No leanin’ back.”

“Ok. But if skiing is so useful why isn’t everyone here getting a lesson?”

“Eh, it probably wouldn’t do them much good. Cross country skiing ain’t somethin’ you can pick up in a day. Maybe darlin’ could get her feet under her but I ain’t convinced it’s worth luggin’ around another set of skis.”

“Then why am I here‽”

“Figure it out! And quit stallin’.”

“I’m not stalling!”

“These are your poles,” said Logan holding one up. “Important piece of equipment and some very technical terminology. To get yourself going, just stab these in the ground and give yourself a pull.”

“And how do I stop?”

“Make pizza.”

“What?”

“Good luck kid!”

With a yank Wolverine flew off the hill.

Spider-man watched as he disappeared down the slope in a spray of snow, cackling the entire way.

The hero sighed.

“Do you see what I have to deal with?” he complained at another group getting ready beside him. Then he looked back down.

“I don’t suppose any of you know what pizza is?”

Effortlessly dancing his weight side to side, getting a feel for this ancient equipment, Wolverine flew down the frozen face of the hillside. Gaining confidence, he sped faster, curved sharper, popping his skis off the ground and antagonizing the slope with explosive spins and sprays.

Ice whipped his grinning face as he breathed with the shape of the wild terrain. If there was anything that got him feeling right it was the sting of the arctic wind. He was letting the land tell him where it wanted him to go, feeling himself float at dizzying speeds when he agreed, then thrilling in its bark and snarl when he told it no.

Landing from a jump, he hit the snow with a laugh, his shoulder nearly scraping the ground as he carved sideways. Reaching the bottom, he snapped himself around in one fluid move and brought himself to a stop.

“WOOH!” he howled sliding backwards. “That’s the winning ticket! Now, let’s see if kid chickened out,” he snickered pushing up his primitive goggles.

Spider-man came tumbling down the slope in a ball of limbs and skis.

“Kid!”

Wolverine skied up just as Spider-man slid flat on his back in front of him.

“You alright?”

Peter groaned.

“I don’t think I made pizza.”

“Well look at that. Guess you ain’t a wiz at everything from the word go after all,” the mutant jeered.

A web was shot between his eyes.

 


 

“So see, you angle your noses together,” said Wolverine putting the ends of his skis together. “That’s called plowing. See that vee? For the kiddos and weaners I hear them call that a pizza slice. That’s how you slow down.”

“You could have just said that.”

“You can spread the threads of reality but can’t figure out a triangle?”

“Oh shut up.”

“When moving on flat ground you can just walk,” the mutant continued using his skis like snow shoes. “But that ain’t gonna get you anywhere fast. Get some speed by movin’ your feet in an outwards vee. Poles, right foot, poles, left foot…” he said sliding forward.

“Oh! It’s just like skating,” said Spider-man daring to mimic his movements.

“Yah, it’s like skating, four-legged skating. That should be familiar to you.”

The two skated their skis across the flat ground.

“Woo! Shake those hips gramps!” called Peter following behind.

“Enjoyin’ the show, runt?”

“Ew no!”

They laughed.

“Alright, let me show you how to turn...”

 


 

“If you hadn’t noticed, the world ain’t all flat and downhill. You’re gonna have to take your skis uphill too.”

Again using his skis like snowshoes, poles anchoring into the snow, Wolverine started walking up the ski slope.

“If the incline ain’t too bad this can get you there, but if you start slidin’ you’re gonna have to make more pizza, the other way. He formed a backwards vee with his skis, noses going wide at the front. “We call that the herringbone,” he said, then proceeded to duck walk. “Got it?”

“Yah. That makes sense,” said Spider-man as he gave it a try.

“Good. Yah, that’s it. Oh, but one last thing.”

Gliding over to him, Wolverine grabbed ahold of Spider-man’s shoulders, his legs jumping up and clamping around his waist, skis sticking out everywhere.

“AH!” Spider-man exclaimed from the sudden weight.

“Herringbone!” shouted Logan as Peter started sliding backwards.

“My feet keep thinking they can just stick to the inside of my boots.”

 “Knees bent! Weight forward! Where’s that fine sense of balance‽”

On his slippery skis, Peter managed to adjust himself to the new top-heavy balance, the man on his back weighing double what he did.

“Good. Now,” instructed Logan. “You’re gonna give me a lift, all the way to the top, and don’t you drop me.”

“Seriously?”

“You can lift a truck. I ain’t nothin’. Move it!”

Peter grumbled but turned.

“Did I ask to get drafted into Logan’s boot camp?” he griped starting to waddle his skis up the hill.

“That’s the thing about the draft kid, you don’t ask.”

 


 

“Up, down, up, down,” called Wolverine shifting his weight as he glided side to side down the slope.

“You make it look so easy!” called Spider-man following behind with a far stiffer and unsure gate.

“You think this looks easy? Watch this web slinger!”

Wolverine zipped himself sideways and off a ledge. He did a backflip before landing in a puff of snow.

“WOOH!” he howled carving back onto the path.

“Show off!”

“They don’t call me the canuk for nothin’!”

“Gah!”

“Weight forward!” barked Logan still skiing ahead of him.

“How did you even see that‽” Spider-man exclaimed quickly forcing himself back into the right position.

“I heard your squealin’!”

 


 

Weight shifting, skis turning back and forth, Spider-man curved his way down the slope. Feeling a little brave, he dared to jump, popping himself off the ground for a fleeting moment and landing back in rhythm.

“YAH!” he shouted successfully bringing himself to a stop at the bottom of the run.

Wolverine, skis stacked beside him, was leaning over a stone wall.

“Well, you ain’t winnin’ any medals,” he grunted. “But we should at least be able to get somewhere.”

“Up yours! For two hours of skiing I’m doing amazing!”

The mutant gave a husky chuckle, steam rising from his fanged smile.

“Yah,” he admitted. “I knew you’d pick it up quick."

Notes:

FULL STORY HERE: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51906922/chapters/145728688

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