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A- Aftercare (What are they like after sex?)
Wade is a clingy guy, but it gets even worse after sex especially if he's just been in a submissive position. If you try to get up, even just to clean yourself up, he’ll whine about how “you can’t leave him,” and how “he needs to be held!” He’s similarly needy even if he was the one being dominant, or if the sex was vanilla (as vanilla as Wade Wilso gets, anyway,) just a bit less whiny. As selfish as he can be, he always makes sure you feel just as good as he does, kissing every mark and sore spot on your body.
He also always orders the both of you takeout while you rest- according to him it’s “fuel for rounds two through whenever one of us passes out.”
B- Body Parts (What is their favorite body part, on themself and on you?)
This is a hard one for Wade, as he doesn’t like to look at his own body much. If pressed, he sort of dodges the question and says it’s his muscles, which is half true, he does like the shape of his toned body in the leather and spandex of his suit, when he’s all covered up and doesn’t have to think too much about what’s underneath. He doesn’t mind his mouth either, he guesses. At least he knows how to use it- in more ways than one.
You make sure to tell him every single thing you love about his body, he doesn’t quite believe you, but maybe with time and enough repetition, he will.
As for his favorite part of your body, Wade is a man of many interests. He wants to grab and squeeze wherever he can, kiss every inch of your skin. He loves your mouth, your chest, your eyes, everything. But more than anything, he adores your hands, and what you can do with him. Wade isn’t used to being toughed gently, and when you put your hands on his scarred skin with the most care and love he’s been shown in years, he falls apart for you.
C- Cum (Anything to do with cum. Where, how much, etc.)
Wet and messy are two of the best words to describe Wade in the bedroom. He wants his cum all over your face and body, just like he wants your fluids all over him. His favorite thing is when you let him finish inside you just for him to eat you out as it drips all over his face and he slurps it up in the most obscene, borderline disgusting display you’ve ever seen. Your legs are shaking and you’re almost ready to soak his face with another orgasm, and he’s in total bliss.
D- Dirty Secret (What’s a dirty secret they have?)
It’s not much of a secret anymore, because you noticed a while ago, but Wade often steals your clothes for… personal reasons, shoving just-worn pairs of underwear from your hamper into his pockets while you’re out of the room to jack himself off with later.
He’d like for you to believe that’s all it is, but it goes deeper than that. He sleeps holding a sweatshirt he stole from you like a security blanket, his face buried in the fabric so he feels like you’re there with him. His real secret is that he always takes something of yours when you stay at his apartment, because there’s this lingering fear that you won’t come back if he doesn’t give you something better than just him to come back for.
E- Experience (How experienced are they?)
Wade has messed around with plenty of people and knows what he’s doing. With hookups and casual relationships, he tends to be a bit selfish, chasing his own pleasure before his partner’s, but when he actually falls for a partner that all goes out the window and he turns him into a total people pleaser in bed.
While he is experienced, most of his experience comes from drunk hookups, prostitutes, and hate sex with other mercs and criminals. So loving sex and intimacy are a bit unfamiliar for him, and you do end up having to teach him how to let himself be taken care of.
F- Favorite Position (What’s their favorite position in bed?)
Wade takes what he can get, and can appreciate the perks of any sexual position. When you start fucking, he always wanted doggy style, but that isn’t his favorite. As he becomes more comfortable, you convince him to take off his mask during sex and he ends up wanting more and more eye contact during. That’s what really gets him, the sight of you looking at him, seeing his face and still wanting him. And, to every reader’s shock- quite possibly the kinkiest man in Marvel canon’s favorite position is missionary.
G- Guests (Are they okay with threesomes or other people joining in the bedroom?)
Wade’s down. He’s so down. He’s definitely had threesomes before, probably even been to an orgy or two, and he’s not a jealous man (as long as you shower him with affection after.) He’s comfortable sharing you, or sharing a third party with you, but one of his biggest fantasies is to be shared. The thought of you and someone using him from both ends, making sure he’s overwhelmed by the sensations, almost makes him drool.
H- Hair (Are they well groomed? Does the carpet match the drapes? Etc.)
Not much to say here. Wade doesn’t have any hair, anywhere, so he’s bald below the belt too.
I- Intimacy (Are they more intimate or aloof in the moment?)
Wade can be very detached with hookups, focusing on the physical sensations and dirty talk. And even with you, he loves quick, dirty sex. But you make him feel loved, safe, for the first time in a long time. He wants to make sure you feel that same sense of safety with him too. So as he comes to trust you more and more, his level of intimacy grows too. He holds you close and stares into your eyes as he fills you up, a look of pure adoration and need in his milky white eyes.
J- Jack Off (How do they masturbate, and how often?)
All the time. Daily. Several times a day, even. Wade’s healing factor gives him a very short refractory period as well as a high libido and a short attention span. He’s also just a horny bastard, and something will always set him off. He usually ends up with one of your recently worn items of clothing pressed to his face for a little motivation, because nothing gets him off like you do. You’ve even walked in on him humping the bed with his face buried in your pillow, which he swears isn’t something he does every time you have to leave for a night or two.
K- Kinks (What kinks do they have?)
The better question is what kinks doesn’t Wade Wilson have? He’ll try and usually enjoy whatever you want him to, and he’s constantly pestering you to try whatever weird new kink he discovers online.
But as for his main ones? Again, anything wet, messy, or sloppy is good with Wade, so an abundance of spit, sweat, and cum are common in your bedroom, as are whatever other fluids you’re comfortable with. Wade’s a switch, so both sadism and masochism are a given. He likes to see you squirm and cry, but wants you to give it back to him just as hard. Edging and overstimulating are also common occurrences. His healing factor makes it hard to actually overstimulate him, but that’s a challenge you eagerly rise to.
Wade loves being dominant, but with you he feels like he can just let go and let you take the lead sometimes, and that manifests in a deep desire to be tied up and gagged, then treated like a toy. He loves the feeling of ropes or cuffs immobilizing him, making him sit still for once while a gag forces him into rare silence. He can feel the voices go a bit quieter when he’s like this, and he goes limp and pliant, allowing you to do as you please with his full trust.
L- Location (Where is their favorite place to do it?)
Wade has made sure to utilize every available surface in your apartment, so your bed, couch, shower, counter, floors, and balcony all hold some… special memories for you now. For a longer session though, he prefers your bed. It’s so much nicer than the bed in his own apartment, and he loves that the whole thing smells like you, but it’s more about where he gets to fall asleep afterwards than the location for the sex itself.
That said, he also has a bit of an exhibitionist streak, and harbors love for locations where you two could get caught. He sometimes tries to convince you to follow him into the bathroom at bars, but you decline… usually.
M- Motivation (Turn-ons. What gets them going?)
The man has a hair trigger. You’re dressed up to go out? He’s hard. You’re wearing his shirt? He’s hard. He scrolled through your instagram, thought too hard about you while watching a steamy scene on TV, or simply had a passing thought about how hot you are? You better be ready for him to be all over you.
If you want to get him in the mood, it never takes much, but you know you can always send him over the edge if you sit in his lap- it makes him melt and harden at the same damn time.
N- No (Is there anything they absolutely wouldn’t do?)
Not much. Wade can get into pretty much everything you do to him, and as long as you’re enthusiastic he loves getting rough with you and exploring taboo subjects.
That said, he would hesitate if you asked him to try any knife play or gun play. This might seem out of character, and he really does think it’s hot, as shown by the blush and the instant boner when you mention it. But his trademark confidence wavers. He’s killed a lot of people, and he’s terrified to scare you or accidentally hurt you. He wants you to feel safe more than he wants to enact any kink.
O- Oral (Do they like oral? Giving or receiving? Etc.)
Loves it. He would ask you to suck him off all the time, and he always falls apart and cums fast when you do, then wants you to keep going to try and overstimulate him.
He also loves giving head, regardless of your anatomy. If you have a cock, he’ll happily choke himself on it until you see stars, and if you have a pussy, he’ll want your whole body weight sitting on his face as he eats like he’s starving. He has a fixation on eating your ass too, and he would truly melt into a puddle in your hands if you rimmed him too, but he’s almost afraid to ask.
P- Pace (Slow, fast, rough, gentle, etc.?)
Wade likes it rough. He can do slow and gentle if you ask for it, or if he can tell it’s what you need emotionally, but he prefers to hammer into you (and be hammered into) hard and fast most of the time.
Q- Quickie (Would they be into quickies?)
With Wade’s hair trigger and sensitivity, quickies work well for him. He’s always wanting to touch you anyway, so he’s ready to go whenever and wherever you’re willing.
R- Risk (how much risk are they willing to take?)
Wade is down to try anything once, if not a few times. Since he’ll just heal, he’s more interested than the average person in hardcore and risky kink practices. This is only when he’s on the receiving end, though. He wants you to feel safe, and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he hurt you. He’s still fine with being rough and taking a bit of risk with you, but nothing that could cause any kind of permanent damage.
S- Stamina (How long do they last?)
Wade is a little (read: extremely) touch starved, and his scarred skin is very sensitive, so he tends to finish quick. Since he has nearly no refractory period, though, he can be ready to go again almost immediately. And he loves to keep going, too- until you can’t take anymore. He’ll happily go for round after round until he either runs out of energy and falls asleep, or until you want to be done. Whichever comes first.
T- Toys (Do they own or use toys?)
He’s so down, whether it’s a strap-on so you can peg him, a vibrator to keep you on the edge, or any number of restraints, Wade owns plenty and knows how to put them to good use. He uses them on himself all the time, and is ecstatic when you let him use them on you too. He has a rather impressive collection of dildoes, some of which look like they might cause injury if someone who didn’t have a healing factor tried to use them. He also has a leash- you’re almost nervous to ask why.
U- Underwear (What kind of underwear do they wear? What kind do they like you to wear?)
Wade either wears boxers or goes commando, it varies depending on his mood, although he rarely ever wears anything under his suit, swearing it “ruins the lines.” You've caught him in panties and thongs too, though, and it’s much hotter than you ever would have thought. If you wear that kind of thing, he’s definitely stolen your underwear to try on before.
He’s a sucker for lingerie or tight briefs on his partners, but he’s just happy to see whatever kind of underwear you happen to be wearing. But oh, if you surprise him with red and black underwear- or heaven forbid, underwear with a Deadpool logo- he’ll lose it. Seeing you in his colors really does something to him.
V- Volume (How vocal/loud are they?)
Come on, let’s be real. Wade’s never once been quiet, you really think he would start in bed? No, he sounds downright obscene. His dirty talk would make the devil blush, and he can easily tease you until you’re a flustered mess. They call him the merc with a mouth for a reason, and he makes sure you know that, making your most sensitive parts throb with his raspy voice alone, before he even touches you. He moans and screams like a pornstar, too, and it’s not an uncommon occurrence that you have to cover his mouth or gag him so he won’t bother the neighbors too much.
W- Wild Card (A random NSFW headcanon for them.)
Wade genuinely mourns the fact that he heals too fast to get hickies. He thinks they're so hot, and he desperately wants to walk around with your mark on him. He makes up for this tragedy by covering you in hickies all over your body, nipping and sucking for as long as you let him, even while you're just cuddling. Then he laughs maniacally while he watches you try to cover them before work the next morning, the bastard.
X- X-Ray (What’s going on below the belt?)
Wade’s dick looks like the rest of him, with rough mottled skin and raised scarring covering every inch of his genitals. He jokes that it’s “ribbed for your pleasure” but he kind of hates looking at it. The good part is that the scarring makes it more sensitive, so you can make him feel extra good.
He’s about eight inches, and thick enough to make his partner feel a stretch as every inch of him goes in. He used to be cut, actually, but his healing factor grew his foreskin back, so he’s effectively uncut. He leaks pre-cum like a hose when he’s aroused, which makes him a little self conscious, but makes lubrication much easier. Overall he’s confident, because he knows he’s big and that he can use what he’s got like a pro.
Y- Yearning (What’s their sex drive like?)
He’s the horniest partner you’ve ever had, and once he realizes you love him back and are genuinely attracted to him, his drive is only compounded. Wade wants you every day, more than once a day. When you’re not fucking, he’s still holding onto you, or at least touching you in some way. If you try to get some personal space, he just holds on tighter and whines about how much he needs you. You’ve truly made a yearner out of him.
Z- ZZZ (How fast will they fall asleep after?)
After satisfying this man’s ravenous sexual appetite, you’re both exhausted. Wade is content to fall asleep right there, still sweaty and messy on damp sheets. If you want to clean up or change the sheets, it’ll take some coaxing. Even though he groans about having to get up, he always ends up appreciating the fact that you care about his comfort, and he can’t deny that the warm, dry bed feels good. He sleeps holding onto you tightly, if not halfway on top of you, consistently sleeping through the night with no nightmares for the first time since he can remember.