My Endgame

by ImportedfromMunich2

Summary:

The Benatar returns to Earth right as Steve is picking up the razor to shave. He drops everything to run out and finds that Tony is back. He survived Thanos, and he's back on Earth - he's alive.

Tony sees Steve in all his bearded glory.

They need to get the Infinity Stones back. Thankfully, Steve's favorite engineer was in the right place at the right time. They come up with a plan.

An alternative to Endgame - as told by someone in denial and with SteveTony brainrot.

Notes:

I wrote this slowly and meticulously over the last 5 years, for myself more than anything. Now that it's done, I've decided to share it with you all. It is an alternate version of Avengers: Endgame.

Endgame destroyed me, and I needed to re-write it for my own peace of mind. This is now my canon.
Please keep in mind that since then, I've only watched a couple episodes of Loki, and TFATWS. Anything canon after Endgame in the MCU universe, pretend it never happened.

I will try to release one chapter per day until it's done, and there should be about 32 chapters.

Hope is a hard thing to come by these days. Escaping reality to write this gave me hope on some of my toughest days. Maybe it'll help you too.
Come on this journey with me.

Chapter 1: The Benatar

“The fuel cells were cracked during battle, but we figured out a way to reverse the ion charge. Bought ourselves about 48 hours of flight time. Problem is, that was about 49 hours ago. Which means, we’re dead in the water. A thousand light years from the nearest 7-11.” 

Tony let his head fall back against the cold metal of the ship’s walls. He’d spent the last six years wondering when space aliens would be coming back to Earth to kill him. He hadn’t imagined any scenarios with him willfully taking himself to space, only to die out here. 

“Pep, I know I said no more surprises. But, I gotta say, I was really hoping to pull off one last big one. It looks like that didn’t work out.” He took a shallow breath, struggling to hold himself upright. “Please don’t be sad. Just know, when I drift off, it'll be just like every day lately. A long nap. I'll finally get the rest you said I so desperately need. It'll be fine.” Choking on his own words, he paused. He didn’t know what else he could say. He wanted to say everything. Every ounce of feeling and hurt and regret in his life, but he couldn’t find the strength to put it all into words. Didn’t even know if anyone would ever hear this. “Remind Rhodes once in a while that I love him. Same goes for you. And…” He sighed, “Well. You know.” 

He clicked the helmet off. Pepper did know. She always knew. The closest thing he’d had to a functional, healthy relationship. He was lucky to have gotten the time that he did with her. And after everything, still, always a loyal friend. 

He hoped - no, he needed her to be safe. Needed Rhodey to be safe. But there wasn’t anything he could do about it now. He’d lost. The battle was long over, the spoils gone to the victor. Really, it wasn't anything he hadn't experienced before - he’d bounced back from much worse shape in Afghanistan, after all. But this time, in the vast expanse of space, his slow drawn out death felt certain. Each passing second filled with the horrifying realization that he had nothing - not food, not water, barely any air -  nothing else left but time. 

And there wasn’t a lot of that left either. 

His newfound space companion walked over to check on him. She seemingly still had enough energy to walk around quite a bit. Probably checking to see if he’d died yet. 

“Wanna use it?” He offered, gesturing towards the helmet. 

“Use it?” She asked, crouching down to look at his eyes. Tony appreciated that she didn’t shy away from him in his final moments. He was smart enough to realize that he was terrified of dying alone. “To do what?”

“To leave a message.” He explained. “You know. In case…the ship is found someday.” As close to the end as he was, he still couldn’t bring himself to say it. She shook her head. 

“No one left to leave a message for.” She threw his arm over her shoulders and helped him stand up. He felt a new wave of despair wash over him. Thanos had taken so much, from so many, and here he was - only thinking about his own mortal peril. She helped him lay back into the captain’s chair. Positioned him, cautiously, like he might break in her arms any second. A knot formed in his throat at the sight of billions of stars in front of him, as far as the eye could see. It wasn’t the worst place to die.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” He was desperately seeking any form of connection with another being. She agreed with a comforting tap on his arm. As much as the cosmos had hurt him - he couldn’t help but mean it. Space was beautiful. Beautiful, and deadly. And distressing, and chaotic, and powerful, and beautiful, and forceful, and amazing and terrible, large, unshakeable,  beautiful…

“Could you bring...” He tried to turn his head towards the helmet, still laying where he’d left it. She nodded stiffly, understanding what he wanted. She brought it over, laying it onto his open hands in his lap. He clicked it on one more time, its bright, blue eyes flashing on. Blue eyes. Another reminder. Of him. 

As he stared back into Ironman's cold gaze, he couldn’t bring himself to ponder over whether or not he’d made it. It would be too hard to face if he hadn’t. Thanos had won on Earth somehow, so chances were slim. Maybe dying out here, away from his failures, from all the unimaginable pain as a result of his actions, was a blessing. But on the off chance…  

Tony cleared his throat, and it burned, as dry as it was. Nebula retreated back to the other side of the ship, giving him some privacy for one last message. There was someone else he needed to make amends with. Or talk to. Talk at. Confess to? He didn’t know, but this person had been an unmistakable force of nature throughout his entire life. And he needed to set some things straight. 

“Hey Cap.” He began.

Chapter 2: Earth

Steve stared at the water running out of the tap. He’d been holding the razor Bruce gave him for what felt like hours. The can of shaving cream sat next to him, untouched. This damned beard. 

When he went on the run, he had no choice but to let himself grow the scruffy thing. It would itch at first. It would surprise him when he would accidentally brush a hand against it - like a foreign object stuck to his face. It became a permanent weight, a constant reminder that he was no longer Captain America. 

After the snap, he hadn’t even found time to manage it. The team - or, what was left of it - immediately started to look for each other. Desperately searching the battlefield for anyone who wasn’t accounted for, dead or alive. He didn’t find the people he was looking for. 

Then came search and rescue. They quickly realized that they had to work as fast as possible to check every home they could. Every home. In the whole world. They sent the grisly message out to the broken planet, to every city, every remote village, anyone who would listen - neighbors check on neighbors. In the past, the prospect of people needing each other would have been comforting. Now, it felt more like a liability. 

The first week was filled with finding newly orphaned babies and toddlers. Pets with owners who wouldn’t be returning. Sick and elderly who relied on someone who was no longer there. It was hard to distinguish the cries of anguish from the cries for help. 

And soon enough, there were no more cries at all. It was eerily quiet as they turned their efforts to body recovery instead. Pilots disintegrating in the middle of a flight, doctors disappearing in the middle of surgery. These all resulted in additional casualties. Some had been accidents, some weren’t. Thanos had promised to wipe out exactly half of all life in the universe. This felt like a much greater loss. No one cared to do the math. 

Now, it was just over three weeks later. There was only so much anyone - even a supersoldier - could do before their sanity broke. Natasha had pulled him out yesterday. She wasn’t asking anymore. She ordered him to stay at the compound the rest of the week. To clean up, sleep, eat. Things he barely ever did anymore. 

Last night had been rough. He hadn’t been able to work himself to the point of exhaustion, and that meant time for thoughts to run wild. He felt like he needed to be out there - doing something. At the same time, he knew there was no amount of work he could put in to make up for his loss. Their loss. The team's loss. If they could even be called that. His friends were gone. Everyone left behind was not coping well. And…Tony. 

When Nat brought Steve back to the compound, he hadn’t expected any of his things to still be here. He’d only brought his go-bag, as he’d done all around the world while he was on the run. But when he’d seen that everything was still here - all his clothes, all his sketchbooks, everything he’d owned from his time with the Avengers - it had been a surprise. And a bittersweet heartache, knowing that he’d hurt a man so caring that he couldn’t even bring himself to throw Steve’s belongings out from his own building. 

And right now, no one knew where Tony was. Last anyone saw, he was in New York, flying towards an alien spaceship heading back into space. At first, Steve knew that if somehow Tony had survived the snap, he would find a way back home. But it had been three weeks now. He’d relegated to shoving those feelings down along with the loss of Bucky and Sam, and so many others. If he stopped to think about it all for even a second, he might lose himself too. 

He shook his head, hoping, yet again, to pull himself out of these spiraling thoughts. Focusing on the sound of running water helped bring him back down, and he reached for the shaving cream. There was no reason left to hide his identity, and he needed to get cleaned up. They were having a meeting soon with the talking racoon - wasn’t it crazy that he didn’t find something like that strange anymore in all this madness. Rocket said he’d come up with a tracking device that would locate the infinity stones if they were used again. Steve didn’t see why they would be. Thanos had already won. 

Just as he was going to spray the foam on his fingers, his eyes caught a tremble in the water that had accumulated in the sink. A low rumble could be heard high in the atmosphere. More aliens? If that was the case, he needed to go see for himself. He haphazardly dropped the shaving kit on the counter, running outside. 

He reached the courtyard before anyone else even noticed the roar of the spaceship as it descended slowly from the sky. He watched as a glowing woman carefully carried it and set it down on the lawn right outside the compound. Looking past her apparent ability to be able to fly through space without a spacesuit, she seemed human enough to him. He took a step towards her as the ship doors opened, ready to ask who she was, maybe she had some information they could use, when he noticed him. 

 

Tony. 

 

He was much skinnier than the last time he saw him, disheveled, obviously hurt. But it was unmistakably Tony. He found that his legs carried him much faster than he thought possible, and he caught the frail man in his arms as he lunged forward. Scrambling to hold him upright, he looked into Tony’s eyes, first seeing confusion, then realization, and then relief. 

“Steve?” Tony asked. His breath was shaky, and there was a look in his eye that he hadn’t seen in a long time. 

“Tony.” He answered, as if there was any question. He couldn’t say anything else. His heart surged into his throat, he hadn’t felt relief, hope like this in weeks, and the whiplash from total numbness to absolute elation was making his head spin. But it was short lived when he noticed Tony clutching at his side, and saw the gash in his clothes precariously close to where his kidney would be. Everything after that became a blur, his body vibrating with nervous energy. Later, he would learn that there was an alien - a young blue lady - behind them, but he didn’t notice her right then. 

He called for Natasha, but Bruce appeared at his side first. Tony stumbled, clearly not able to carry his own weight, so Steve swept his arms under him and picked him up, carrying him despite whatever animosity there might be between them. Bruce’s voice was panicked, directing Steve to take him straight to the first room in the medical wing. Tony was mumbling something about a welcoming party. But with all his blood rushing to his ears, all Steve could hear was the pounding of his own heart, and his shoes slamming against the pavement as he sprinted Tony inside. 

Natasha waved Steve over into a room that already had an IV bag set up. Steve set him down on the bed, reluctantly pulling himself away as Bruce and Nat worked to give him fluids and antibiotics. He could only stare. Tony was here. Tony was alive. Tony was - 

“Steve!” He startled back into reality. Natasha pointed behind him. “The oxygen?” He haphazardly grabbed the tank and pulled it over to the bed. Before he could strap the mask over Tony’s face, a rough, calloused hand tapped on his arm. He looked down and locked eyes with Tony. He was trying to say something. He leaned down to listen over Bruce and Nat’s noise.

“Pep? And Rhodes?” Steve realized he was asking if they were-

“Alive.” He responded. “Both of them.”

“Hap?” 

“Yes. He’s alive too.” Steve saw the relief wash over Tony’s face before he was suddenly twisting to his side. Steve’s quick reflexes pulled a trash bin under him to dry heave into. The adrenaline rush of almost dying mixed with the sudden relief once he got to Earth must’ve been a nauseating combination. Steve rubbed his shoulder as he held him in place, taking on his upper body weight, what little he had left, as he gasped for breath again. 

“I lost the boy. I lost Pete.” Tony coughed, trying to lay back down. His eyes were red and exhausted, trying to form tears that wouldn't come. Steve helped him onto the pillows and wiped his mouth with his own sleeve. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know much about Tony’s life recently, given that he’d tried his best to stay away. But he knew the kid meant a lot to him. 

“We lost.” Was all he could muster. Bruce filled his vision, taking the oxygen mask from him and finally placing it on Tony. 

Chapter 3: Stay

Steve claimed a chair close to Tony’s bed. 

The last few weeks up to now had been the hardest of his life - and that was saying something. He hadn’t given himself time to process, time to grieve. In his mind…deep down he knew that he’d lost everything. Lost every reason to live. He was only holding on to help others. He knew he could handle the work, physically, if not mentally, to help the half of humanity that survived. And he owed it to them too. They had depended on the Avengers to save the world, but…well, that didn’t work out did it? Thanks to what, his ego? His pride? He hadn’t been able to put aside his own fears and his differences with Tony long enough to avoid tearing the team apart and it cost them everything. 

But now Tony was back. 

Back from the dead. The first hour was brutal, but Tony fought hard, and soon Bruce and the couple of on-call doctors they were able to scramble together at the last minute got him to a comfortable, stable state. Thankfully, they avoided any of his organs shutting down. His kidney was blessedly intact, and Tony quickly fell asleep from a combination of exhaustion and the drugs they were pumping into him. 

Bruce laid a hand on Steve’s shoulder before leaving for the night. “Keep an eye on him, yeah?” Steve nodded, grateful for the request. It felt like permission to stay. 

For a little while, it was just him and Tony. Though the man was sleeping, Steve watched him intently. The barely-there rise and fall of his chest. The occasional involuntary twitch in his left eye. Just hours ago, Steve was sure he’d never see Tony again and now - he was so close he could touch him. But he wouldn’t. Not while he slept. It had been years since they were even in the same country, let alone the same room. 

Seeing Tony hooked up to all these machines and IV’s, it was jarring, but he couldn’t help drinking in every inch of his face. Committing every wrinkle and laugh line and scar to memory. The other man looked so tired and thin. Worn. 

A lump formed in his throat at the thought of all he had missed in the last few years. Steve wanted to know his life, his achievements, his failures. Wanted to be the one to hold his hand through the mess they’d found themselves in. Besides the fact that Tony would never agree to that - Steve had no right to him. No right to talk to him, to hold him, as much as he wanted to, deep down  -  especially after hurting him the way he had. He shouldn’t even be on the compound now that Tony was back. 

Still - it had been impossible not to think of Tony all the time while he was on the run. What he was doing, if he was safe, if he was taking care of himself. Maybe Tony had moved on from their reluctant but inevitable friendship just fine, but Steve couldn’t. He’d find ways to listen to international radio stations, watch just one small snippet of Stark Industries news on a public computer. Hang around in disguise outside tech conferences in Europe when he could, in the hopes of seeing the confident, snarky brunette walk out, even for a moment, even from afar. It had never worked - but he had tried all the same. 

Now, his most desperate prayer had come true. Tony was here. Alive. Sleeping soundly in front of him, in the same room, no less. But it would be short-lived. He’d start packing as soon as Tony woke - he just wanted to make sure he was okay first. He savored every second he got to sit here, to study his greatest muse, his most beloved friend…well, ex-friend. Shifting in his seat, trying to find a more comfortable position, he tried not to make a sound, lest he wake Tony and get kicked out of the room preemptively. After the last time they saw each other, Tony wouldn’t want Steve around for long-

“Tony!” Pepper screamed as she burst through the door. Steve jolted out of his haze to see a crying Pepper run to the other side of Tony’s bed. Rhodey was right behind her, a look of shock written all over him.

The sudden noise woke Tony, his eyes barely opening to see his friends. He slowly blinked, mustering up a small smile with what little energy he had. Steve looked on as the reunion took place in front of him. Pepper, known for being stoic and elegant, was breaking down in tears, arms thrown around the frail man. Rhodes, always so focused, calm and collected - was bewildered, talking to Tony at a hundred miles an hour. Emotions running high, Steve felt this wasn’t something he should be witnessing. 

Wordlessly, he snuck out of the room. Once he was in the hallway, his legs gave out under him, and he slid down the wall next to the door, feeling more drained than he ever had before. He could hear the commotion in Tony's room - soft cries and hushed voices. He tried to zone it out, tried to get up and go to his room. His body refused to budge. His limbs were as heavy as lead, his eyes, suddenly burning. Before he knew it, he was sobbing. Sobbing uncontrollably, on the floor, like a child. His arms were useless - he couldn’t even gather the will to take out his handkerchief. 

He didn’t even know why he was crying. He should be happy. Tony was safe. But the floodgates opened nonetheless, and he let himself break down, for the first time since all this happened. Since the Accords. Since he lost Tony. Since Thanos. Finally, after several minutes, his crying slowed, and he could wipe away any leftover tears. He stared at the ceiling, mind completely empty for once. 

He felt a little better now. A little lighter, but even more exhausted than before. It was late. Usually he’d be wide awake in bed right now, fighting his demons - but at the moment all he wanted to do was pass out, anywhere. He closed his eyes, allowing the sounds surrounding him to distract him momentarily. The shuffling of chairs in Tony’s room. The overhead lights buzzing. The whoosh of the air conditioner. The hum of the elevator down the hall. 

He allowed himself to bask in relief. If only temporarily. Tony was back. That might have been the last time he’d ever see the man…but at least he was back. At least he was alive. 

Steve had always felt a little… more… towards Tony. Wanted them to be more than friends, even if he didn’t have the words for it yet, back when they first met. But he had always been able to control himself in a convincing enough manner. Good enough for them to make a good team, on and off the battlefield. Had the team been able to stick together, they could have easily taken out the threat of Thanos, he was sure of it. 

His mind supplied him with a thought - maybe they could fix this. Tony was the smartest man he knew. The smartest man in the world. If anyone could figure out how to fix this - it had to be Tony. But in his current condition, there was no use dwelling on it right now. 

A long time passed. Maybe minutes, maybe hours. He had almost nodded off right there on the floor, when he heard the creak of the door opening back up, and hurried footsteps coming towards him.  

“Oh!” Pepper gasped as she almost trampled over him.

“What’s wrong?” Steve found the strength to jump up, heart skipping a beat. She seemed to be in a hurry, and that couldn’t mean anything good. 

“There you are.” She sighed, clearly relieved. “Why don’t you go back inside?” Steve’s eyes widened. 

“Uh…” 

“He’s asleep now, and I need to get going. I can't stay but…it would be nice for him to wake up with someone by his side.” She persisted as she started shuffling through her phone. 

“Colonel Rhodes is-”

“Steve.” She cut him off, sighing through red eyes and splotchy, dry skin. The last few weeks couldn’t have been easy for her either. Wherever she was going, it must’ve been important. “It’s alright. Go on in.” She gave his arm a pat, and continued her trek, heels clicking decisively down the hallway, leaving him confused.

He weighed his options. She must have forgotten about their fallout. He could go back to his room, get some rest. But he knew it would be impossible to get Pepper’s request out of his mind now. What if he went back to Tony’s room? Would Tony kick him out? If Tony or Rhodes said anything, if they even looked uncomfortable with his presence, he’d leave immediately. Chalk it up to a misunderstanding. 

Steve opened the door. The room was darker now. Rhodey gave him a small smile and a hushed “Hey.” He nodded over to the same chair Steve was in not long ago, and Steve sat, not knowing what else to do. He didn’t deserve this kindness from Tony’s friends. 

“Sorry we barged in earlier.” Rhodes whispered over the bed. He was sitting across from him, a fragile, sleeping Tony between them. Rhodes looked drained, leaning on the bed for support. 

“It’s okay.” Steve whispered back. He wasn’t even sure why the apology was necessary. Of course they would want to see their injured friend as soon as possible. 

“I’m glad Pepper found you,” he continued. “She wanted to stay but…Tony was a mess earlier. He wanted us to look for May Parker. The kid’s aunt. He threatened to get up and do it himself, so Pep took it on to give him some rest.” 

“Oh.” Was all Steve could reply. Of course Tony would be thinking about others at a time like this.

“We don’t…” Rhodey swallowed hard, and took a deep breath. “I don’t think she’s going to find her. She hasn’t called in to report herself alive. But. You know. We have to try.” 

Steve knew all about that. Trying. Rhodey sounded as defeated as he felt. Lately, every day had been filled with trying. Trying again, and again - without hope. But they needed to try, regardless. 

They sat in silence for a while. Listening to the steady beeping of Tony’s vital signs. Proof that he was okay. Rhodey almost surprised him when he spoke again. 

“You didn’t have to leave, earlier. He asked about you.” 

“...Me?” He asked, voice catching in his throat. Well, that didn’t make any sense. He felt his ears go hot. Why would Tony ask about him ? Rhodes let out a muffled chuckle at his reaction. 

“You’re important to him too, you know.” 

That was…wrong. Surely Rhodes had misheard. Tony must’ve been asking about anyone but him. But he didn’t feel like arguing right now. So he didn’t say anything. Instead he let himself believe it, just for a bit. Just to help him ease his mind. 

He heard a shuffle and then Rhodes bent down onto the bed, next to Tony, head resting on his folded arms, probably trying to get a nap in before the tired engineer woke again. Rhodes was needed desperately by the military - or what was left of it, anyways. He’d been working as hard as the rest of them to locate missing loved ones. To get food and supplies wherever they were needed. To keep utilities up and running on minimum manpower. 

Steve mirrored him. A nap sounded wonderful right now. And knowing his body lately- he’d wake in an hour or two, feeling refreshed enough to sneak back out to his room before Tony woke. 

Chapter 4: Blue Skies

A tickle on the side of his neck lulled him into consciousness. Out of reflex, he slapped at it, hitting something much larger than the mosquito he’d anticipated. 

“Ow.” 

That voice…he felt his pulse quicken as he forced his eyes open against the harsh morning sun. There, in the bright, glowing haze against the open window, was Tony - sitting up, awake, and the events of yesterday night came flooding back to him. 

“What happened?” He asked, his morning voice gruff. 

“N-nothing?” Tony answered, eyes wide, a hand frozen in midair. Steve glanced around the room, it was just the two of them. He slept longer - much longer than he thought he would. 

“Sorry.” He rubbed at his eyes, and leaned back into his chair - embarrassed at the position he’d taken on Tony’s bed. “I must’ve dozed off.”

“Understandable.” Tony replied, relaxing into the bed. 

Huh. He wasn’t mad at his presence? Steve considered leaving before his luck ran out, and he found some way of screwing this up. But he remembered Pepper’s words - Tony needs someone by his side. And frankly, well, he didn’t want to leave Tony alone in medical right now. History showed that Tony hated being stuck in medical and would sneak out if the chance arose. If he stayed, at least until Rhodes or Bruce showed up again, he could probably convince Tony to stay put. 

“Just…haven’t been able to sleep lately.” Steve said, as if that would explain anything. Tony let out a breath that sounded almost like a laugh. 

“Look who you’re talking to.” He smirked. Of course. Steve couldn’t imagine what it had been like to be traveling through space all this time, without knowing any news of Thanos’ doings on Earth. Why had he even said that? He mentally kicked himself. 

“Sorry. How do you feel?” Steve asked, hoping the question was neutral enough to keep any animosity at bay. 

“Heh.” Tony leaned back into the pillows. “Feels like I got run over by a freight train, honestly.” 

Surprisingly, this answer relaxed Steve quite a bit. Tony had a tendency of denying any discomfort in the face of certain death. Him actually admitting to not feeling well usually meant he was in better spirits. 

“Want me to get a doctor?” 

“God, no.” Tony looked over to the window. The day outside was sunny, birds were chirping in the courtyard, almost as if everything on earth was back to normal. “I want to get the hell out of this bed and kiss the ground outside.” 

“Mm.” Steve hummed, noncommittally. “Don’t think the doctors would like that.” 

Tony let out a huff through a small smirk, and Steve counted that as a win. 

Tony’s gaze onto the outside world was fixed, and full of longing. It was possible that Tony never thought he would see another blue sky, another cloud, or green grass ever again. Steve could relate. He never thought he’d have the chance to talk to Tony like this again. It almost didn’t seem real. But then again, nothing about the last few weeks had seemed real. 

“I’m sorry about Queens- er, Peter.” Steve blurted out. 

A heavy sigh. Tony blinked slowly, a crease forming on his brow. 

“Sorry about Barnes.” He said. “And Sam. And Wanda. And…everyone.” He turned to look at Steve again. “Rhodey told me.” 

Steve looked down at the floor with a short nod. He’d found lately that condolences sounded more and more like platitudes in the face of the impossible. Still, he appreciated the sentiment from Tony. 

They sat in companionable silence for a bit. Then he remembered - Tony had fought Thanos. Probably head-on, if he knew anything about Ironman. The team left on Earth didn’t have much info on him other than the things Bruce had told them in preparation for battle. The racoon seemed to know Thanos all too well, but it was hard to get clear answers from him most of the time. And Thor - well Thor probably knew more than he was letting on, but it was almost impossible to get him to talk at all these days. 

Maybe he could ask Tony. Maybe Tony saw a weakness. It was quite possible - Tony was adept at picking their enemies apart. If Tony was aware of something they had missed - or where he could be…Hell, any intel could be useful at this point, and if there was even a slim chance at bringing Bucky, Sam, bringing everyone back...

“I like your new do’.” 

Steve’s thoughts were interrupted by the sudden comment. He whipped his head back up to see Tony smiling softly at him. 

“What?” 

“You know.” Tony waved his hand around his chin. Steve blinked at him. Tony groaned and rolled his eyes. “Your beard, old man. I like what you’ve done with your look.” 

Steve continued to stare at him. The comment caught him so off guard that he couldn’t think of a single thing to say. Steve's beard and hair were a mess - they were long, unkempt, probably sticking up in places they shouldn’t. He wasn’t sure if Tony was being serious.  

Thankfully, before he had a chance to open his mouth again, there was a soft knock at the door. They both looked over to see Bruce peeking in. 

“Hey, you’re awake.” Bruce said. Steve didn’t know if the greeting was directed at him or Tony - he hoped no one else noticed him passed out at Tony’s bedside. It didn’t matter either way - because Bruce had a solemn look about him. 

“You’d better come see this.” Bruce opened the door wider, implying urgency. Steve stood, ready to follow, when he felt a tug at the hem of his shirt. He looked down, Tony was gripping onto him tightly.

“I’ll be right back.” He promised. 

“Like hell you will.” Tony frowned. “Take me too.” 

“Tony, you need to rest.” Steve argued. 

“Like hell I do.” Tony tugged at his shirt again. 

“You might as well bring him.” Bruce interjected. “It’s important.” He hurried over to a closet on the other side of the room and pulled out a folding wheelchair that Steve hadn’t seen before. Together, they helped Tony on. Steve may or may not have noticed how delicate and small Tony’s wrist was in his large hand when he gingerly assisted him in sitting down. 

Bruce eagerly directed them out the door, and Steve pushed Tony over to the main conference room. 

 

It was a frenzy. 

Natasha was packing a bag full of weapons. Rocket and Nebula were preparing what looked like homemade bombs. Everyone else was suiting up and gathering around a hologram. 

“What’s going on?” Steve asked. 

“We know where Thanos is.” Bruce explained. “And they’re trying to head there now. But I don’t think we’re prepared.”

“If there’s even the smallest chance we can undo this, then we owe it to everyone who’s not sitting here right now to try.” Nat interjected, giving Bruce a fierce look.  

“But you saw what happened last time.” Bruce tried to reason with her. 

“That’s because you didn’t have me .” The blonde woman who’d rescued Tony announced. 

Steve glanced over at the hologram on the table. He pushed Tony in for a closer look. 

“This place?” Tony asked. It was a planet. Not Earth. And that meant, in Tony's eyes, going back into outer space. Steve gripped the wheelchair handles tighter. They wouldn't, they couldn't, force Tony to do that. 

“He still has the stones.” Rhodey declared. That made them both pause. “Yeah. Used them again a couple days ago, and the holo-map picked up the energy surge coming from there.” He nodded over to Nebula, the young blue lady who came with Tony in the spaceship. “She says it’s his retirement home. ‘The Garden’ he calls it. He won’t see us coming.” 

“We’ll get my ship ready.” Rocket announced, heading out the door with Nebula. Carol followed, carrying their weapons. War machine landed outside the window, and Rhodes went out to prepare it as well. In all the commotion, Steve almost missed the familiar whir of shifting metal next to him. He turned just in time to see Tony standing - enveloping himself in the Ironman armor. 

“No.” He pulled the wheelchair out of the way, grabbing at Tony’s side. He couldn’t possibly hold himself up right now without assistance. 

“You heard them,” Tony spoke through the voice modulator. He avoided Steve's hold, the rigid armor holding him upright. “He has the stones. We know where he is. This may be our only chance before he does something worse.”

“You can’t possibly be thinking of going.” Steve argued. 

“We don’t even know what he did with the stones since we last saw him.” Tony argued back. “For all we know, he’s wished for infinite wishes and he’ll come after us to finish the job.” 

“You can’t.” He looked over to Bruce, who gave him a concerned look, but clearly didn’t know what to say either. “Let us go, Tony. We’ll get him. We’ll get the stones. You need to rest. It’ll do us no good to have you hurt yourself again-”

“Come off it, Rogers.” Tony spit back. “I can take care of myself. I know what I’m getting myself into.” 

“You don’t know that.” Steve countered. “That’s the problem. You just said he could be more powerful than before! You’re in no shape to fight him Tony.”

“Oh, I know. I know better than any of you!” Tony retaliated. Steve wished he could see his eyes, but Ironman’s faceplate was cold and unmoving. “When I told you, all of you - that we needed a suit of armor around the world, you said I was wrong. You said we could protect the world - together. I knew we needed more. I told you we’d lose. You said we would ‘do that together, too’, remember? But you weren’t there.” 

“I know. I was wrong.” Steve pleaded. “But-” 

“But nothing. Now is our chance. We’re here.” Tony gestured around the room. “We’re all that’s left.” He marched up to Steve, pointing a finger at his chest. “And I refuse to lose again. We do this, together this time. I’m not asking.” 

Steve stared at Ironman’s faceplate. He could hear ragged breaths through the suit speakers. He looked around the room. Bruce and Natasha were both watching them - waiting to see what came of this argument. Thor was sitting in the corner, quiet, pensive. 

Steve thought back to New York. Everyone in this room, fighting amongst themselves on the helicarrier. He thought they had come a long way since then, but had they really? 

Trust. It always came down to trust between them. Their best days as a team were behind them, and they had never been easy - but they were the days where they relied on each other the most. He knew he couldn’t make that mistake again with Tony. Looking back into the icy, bright blue eyes of Ironman, he sighed. He’d decided. He needed to trust that Tony could take care of himself. That his suit would protect him. That Steve would be strong enough, and fast enough, to keep him out of harm’s way. 

“Fine. Alright.” He conceded. “Let’s go get that son of a bitch.”

Tony’s faceplate flipped up, a bright smile taking its place. 

“Language.” 

Thor stood, convinced, and wielded his ax.

Chapter 5: The Ride

After some tearful reunions - some of them hadn’t seen each other in years after all, they were strapped into their seats on Rocket’s spaceship in no time. Although Nebula assured them that Thanos would still be there when they arrived - they didn’t want to take any chances of losing his whereabouts again. Besides - despite everyone’s skepticism, Carol was confident that she could handle this on her own. Everyone else was just going along for the ride - in her words. 

So Steve was confused as to why Tony was forcing himself to join them. His moves were slow and deliberate, and he was obviously masking his pain. Rhodes had whispered some angry sounding words to him earlier, probably trying to talk him out of coming along, but Tony brushed him off and sat himself next to Steve instead. He thought about saying something too - but in the end, he didn’t want to be the one to deprive Tony, or anyone, of the chance to see this through. He’d keep Tony safe with his own life, if it came down to it. 

So he kept his mouth shut as the ship’s engines came to life, and they lifted off. The ascension was easy, smoother than a ride on the subway. Steve and the others looked out the windows at Earth shrinking below them. 

It looked just like in the movies - almost surreal. Clouds engulfing large swaths of land and sea. From up here, you would never be able to tell that the world was crumbling apart below them. 

In no time at all, they were surrounded by a vast expanse of emptiness. Steve looked forward - he’d never seen the stars so clearly, even back in his time. By all accounts, it was breathtaking. 

That’s when he heard a light gasp beside him.

Trying not to make it obvious, he glanced over at Tony, who was gripping his armrest so hard it looked like it was going to rip in half. His eyes were wide, tears forming in them. He hadn’t removed his armor, but even so, Steve could tell how hard he was trembling. 

“Who here hasn’t been to space?” Their furry pilot swiveled around in his chair, addressing the group of Earthlings. Tony put his head down. Steve barely raised his arm, hesitant to draw any attention to himself or Tony. A few others put their hands up too.

“You better not throw up on my ship.” Rocket turned back around, and began pressing several buttons. “We’re about to hit the accelerator. Hold on.” 

Tony was forcing himself to go back out into space, after almost dying there - for the second time. Steve wished he could pull him close, tell him he was safe. Obviously, he couldn’t do that, he didn’t even know if it was true.

Instead, Steve reached over and gripped the top of Tony’s armored hand. He wasn't sure if Tony would even notice, but a beat later, Tony let out a small exhale.

“We’ll be okay.” Steve whispered. “Carol is here. We’re all here.” We’ll take care of you, he didn’t say. 

Tony’s brows furrowed, focusing on the task ahead. Nebula called out their navigation. 

“Approaching jump in 3…” 

Steve squeezed Tony’s armored hand without thinking, even if he wouldn't feel it. They braced themselves. 

“2…1.” 

The ship jolted forward through a shining portal that appeared in front of them, seemingly from nowhere. They rattled at unimaginable speeds through a bright tunnel of light. Steve’s superhuman eyes could almost make it out - they were flying through the universe. Stars, planets, entire galaxies whizzing by them. He used all his willpower to look away and check on Tony, to make sure he was okay. 

Tony’s eyes were beautiful. 

Tony was transfixed on the sight before him, and so was Steve. The entire luminescence of the universe glowed against his golden orbs. Small flecks of tears, forgotten in the dazzling display. Dark, full lashes contrasted magnificently. It was not the time, or the place to remember just how deeply he loved Tony. But here, and now, he remembered. Every song he’d ever heard, every poem he’d ever read, every breath he took - they all belonged to Tony. 

But before he could take another breath, everything stopped, and they had reached their destination. 

Tony pulled his hand back, leaving Steve’s empty and cold. Like coming out of a trance, Steve took a ragged gasp. Right. They were here for a mission. He needed to stay focused. He didn’t let his emotions bleed through when Tony stood and walked away. Steve followed suit with the others to look out the cabin windows.  

The planet was small. Mostly land but full of small lakes and rivers visible even from afar. There were some amazing spinning rings surrounding it - he wondered if Saturn’s rings looked like that from up close too. Patches of greenery could be seen on the surface. It was obviously hospitable to life. 

“Gorgeous, isn’t it?” Nat whispered by his side. 

“Hm.” Steve had already seen the most beautiful being in the universe just a moment ago. He wasn’t impressed with this madman's vacation home. 

“He is down there.” Thor boldly reported. “I can sense a great deal of power from this planet.” 

“His army?” Nat asked.

“It is odd.” Thor tried to concentrate, seemingly failing to understand what he was registering. “I…do not know. Something is amiss.” 

Carol announced that she would be doing recon, and would be back in fifteen minutes. The team prepared their weapons, ready to go at a moment’s notice. Thanos’ army could be waiting on the ground. They could appear in their spaceships any second. Thanos must have noticed their presence by now. 

Steve hovered near Tony. He looked much better now, the color returning to his face, and he was taking in the view along with the rest of the crew. But he needed to make sure. This expedition couldn’t be easy on him. 

“You okay?” He asked, when no one else was within earshot. Tony glanced over only for a moment, before turning away. 

“Fine.” He answered a little too bluntly. Steve wanted to push, but then Tony was sauntering over to Rhodey. 

If Tony said he was fine, then he was fine, right? Or maybe he trusted Rhodes to better take care of him. Steve stood in place, vibrating nervous energy until he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey.” Bruce said kindly, looking over at Tony, then back at him. “He’ll be okay. Believe it or not, he works best when he’s facing his fears head-on.” He mimicked knocking on the side of his head. “Unlike big green in here.” 

“O-oh.” Steve stammered out. Was his concern for Tony that obvious? Before he could even think about denying it, Carol was back. They all gathered around to hear what she had to report.

“No satellites. No ships. No armies, no ground defenses of any kind.” She called out to the team. “It’s just him.” 

Could they really be so lucky? 

It was Thanos though. He wasn’t exactly an easy target. With only most of the stones, he’d taken down anyone who got between him and Vision. There was no telling how powerful he was now that he had them all. 

“We need a plan.” Tony clasped his hands together. “We can’t walk in there willy-nilly and expect him to hand the stones over just because he’s outnumbered. And if anyone yawns while we’re hashing this out I swear to God I’m leaving you on this planet.” 

Their eyes found each other, among the small crowd. The way they always did, right before battle, back when they were on the same team. A silent promise to have each other's back. Tony didn't look away. He wanted Steve to lead them. And if his Stark-style humor was any indicator, he really meant it. Bruce gave him a small elbow nudge.

“Right.” Steve rolled his shoulders back, and addressed the team. It was time for the Avengers to get to work. “We might be able to catch him by surprise, but we need to work fast. Everyone gather ‘round.”

Chapter 6: The Cabin

Carol led the attack. 

As expected, Thanos was wearing the gauntlet when they stormed through the small cabin. He was caught off guard, and Carol was able to put him in a chokehold before War Machine and the Hulkbuster followed - pinning down his arms to prevent him from pulling her off.

Everything was going according to plan - Thor flew in, cutting off Thanos’ gauntlet-wielding forearm in one swift motion. The gauntlet clanged onto the floor, and Thanos let out a painful scream as he fruitlessly struggled to free himself. 

Everyone else rushed into the small cabin, armed and prepared for a battle. Rocket made a break straight for the severed arm.

“Oh no.” He whispered, holding up an empty gauntlet. 

The stones were gone. 

“Where are they?” Steve moved past the others, stopping right in front of the Titan. Thanos, still panting in pain, just grunted without a word. 

“Answer the question.” Carol strengthened her hold on his neck. Thanos groaned, before maniacally letting out a laugh. 

“The universe required correction.” He grumbled. There was no remorse, no empathy, not even a shred of guilt in him. “After that, the stones served no purpose, beyond temptation.”  

“You murdered trillions!” Bruce screamed, shoving the titan across the room. Thanos slammed against a wall, and everyone cleared the way, not wanting to get between Thanos and an angry Hulkbuster. 

“You should be grateful.” Thanos plainly stated, unyielding. Bruce didn’t hesitate - he was on him in a blink of an eye, and punched him. Again. And again. Tony stepped in to pull him back. Bruce’s rage subsided, and he withdrew, leaving Thanos on the ground. Through his pain, Thanos flashed him a grin. 

Steve saw it then - Thanos was weak. Half his body was covered in welts and burns. He was missing half an arm. His face was bloody from where Bruce beat it in. He was no threat - beyond the atrocities he had already committed. But that didn’t answer the question. 

“Stark.” Thanos was clearly surprised to see him, but nonetheless intrigued. “I’m glad you lived. Smart man like you - you’ll come around. You’ll see, one day, how this will benefit all life.” 

“Where. Are. The stones.” Tony demanded. 

“Gone. Reduced to atoms.” 

“You used them two days ago!” Bruce exclaimed. 

“I used the stones - to destroy the stones.” Thanos explained through forced breath. “It nearly killed me. But the work is done. It always will be.” Thanos struggled to lift himself up from the ground, sitting up enough to continue. He looked Tony straight in the eyes. “I am inevitable.” 

The group stood around him, in shock. 

 

It wasn’t true. 

 

It couldn’t be. 

 

“We have to tear this place apart!” Rhodes’ panicked voice reached Steve through the sudden ringing in his ears. “He has to be lying!” 

“My father is many things.” Nebula deadpanned, walking toward Thanos. “A liar is not one of them.” 

“Ah.” Thanos’ eyes softened. “Thank you daughter. Perhaps I have treated you too harshly.” 

In that moment, Thor appeared in front of all of them, and with a manic cry, he swung his ax, slicing Thanos through the neck in one swift motion. Tony clumsily pulled Nebula back towards him, out of the way. Thanos’ skull fell with a heavy thud onto the floor. With a shaky hand, Nebula reached up to touch her cheek, covered in her father’s blood. 

“What did you do?” Rocket whispered, horrified. 

“I…” Thor gasped through tears. “I went for the head.” 

 

Everything was still for a long time.

Eventually, Nebula knelt at her father’s side. One last mournful look, and she closed his eyes, bowing her head. 

Tony knelt beside her. He put a hand on her shoulder, and cleaned the blood off her cheek with his other. 

Everything went numb. Steve's limbs were ice cold. His mouth tasted metallic. The air was getting too thick to force into his lungs. He needed out. 

“Let’s go.” Steve called out, voice sounding foreign even to his own ears. There was no use staying here any longer. 

“Go where?” Tony asked. Steve looked at him, unsure what he meant. Where else would they go? 

“Home.” 

Tony just stared at him. Steve didn’t understand what was happening. 

“It’s done.” Steve barked out. He tried to speak again, but it was like he was choking on oxygen. “We’re…” He looked down at his own hands. They were shaking. “We’re needed. Back on-” They had lost. They had really lost everything. There was no going back now. 

It was all over. There was nothing more for them to do. Bucky. Sam. T’Challa. Wanda. Peter. Oh, god. Everyone. They were all gone for good. 

They could go back to Earth. They could try to rebuild. But the last bit of hope they had all been clinging to was extinguished. It was meaningless now. Steve’s vision started to blur - a dark haze taking over his periphery. He wobbled, reaching out for purchase on something that wasn’t there. Then his legs buckled, and he fell to his knees.

“Shit!” Tony tried to stand too quickly, and jolted back down, hissing at the pain in his side. 

Steve held his head. It was pounding. Everything hurt. Everything felt cold. His chest constricted. He couldn't breathe. 

He heard Tony’s voice somewhere. Next thing he saw was a concerned Tony. “Cap?” 

“It’s over.” Steve heard the squeak in his voice, but he couldn’t care less. 

“No it’s not.” Tony gently offered, taking his hand as he slowly sat next to him. A rock, a pillar. He wasn’t sure how Tony was holding it together right now. “Calm down. Take a deep breath, It’s okay.” 

“How is it okay?” Bruce asked, his voice wild with hysteria. “This is the furthest thing from okay! You heard Thanos. There’s nothing else we can do.” 

“There’s plenty we can do.” 

“The stones are gone Tony!” Bruce yelled, smashing a wooden chair beside him with a single slam of Hulkbuster’s fist. “He destroyed them!” 

“No, he said they’ve been reduced. To atoms. ” Tony corrected. Bruce blinked at him. Steve felt the blood rush back to his head. He strained against gravity and sat himself upright to listen.

“Atoms..” Bruce muttered to himself.

“You should know better than anyone, Brucie. Einstein would be rolling in his grave. I don't care how magical these stones are, they still follow the rules of physics.” Steve couldn’t comprehend anything that was happening around him. Tony - the most injured of them all, consoling him. Thanos, dead at his feet. Now, something was happening with the stones. They were gone. Weren’t they? Was this all a terrible dream? 

“Conservation of mass and energy.” Bruce pondered aloud, having joined whatever scientific wavelength Tony was on. “So they must still exist.”

“Exactly.” Tony confirmed. “If he said they were reduced to atoms, then it’s simple - they’re still here. On this planet. Sure - they may be split into a few billion, trillion pieces, but they’re here.” 

“The stones were forged before the creation of the universe.” Nebula’s tired voice objected. “They do not follow your physical rules. They are not made of simple matter like you or I. They have always existed.” 

“But they existed .” Tony responded. “We could see them. Thanos touched them. They emitted light. They were real.” 

“They were reality .” Nebula continued. “Each stone represents a facet of reality. You cannot simply create more of them, and you cannot put them back together like a puzzle.” 

“If the stones are reality, then wouldn’t destroying them result in the destruction of the actual universe?” Tony argued. “Yet here we are, so they must be separate from actual time, and actual space, and all the rest.” 

“That doesn’t mean-” Nebula started. 

“He’s right.” Rocket interrupted. He was holding a scanner of some kind. “The energy levels we detected from a few days ago are still here. On this planet. They’re not dispersing, or diminishing. And they’re mixed in with subatomic particles of some kind. I can’t identify them. But that’s not the problem.” He showed them the tracking screen. “The problem is, they’re everywhere. All over the place. In the atmosphere, in the rivers, in the grass, hell we’re probably standing on them right now.” 

“Then we collect them.” Tony answered matter-of-factly. 

“What are we supposed to do, Tony?” Natasha spoke up, exasperated. “Sweep every single atom on the planet? That’s impossible.” 

“Not impossible.” Tony corrected. “Just…very very difficult. But it’s not an infinite number of atoms. And if we can trace their residual spent energy, then that means we can track them. We just need an extremely precise tracker and something to collect them with.” 

“We saw the mind stone destroyed, Tony.” Natasha countered. “It was a huge blast. The explosion must’ve carried on for miles. It would be like finding microscopic needles in a planet-sized haystack.” 

“Wait.” Tony’s hand pulled away from Steve’s. He immediately missed the touch, the comfort. “The mind stone was destroyed? Earlier? You saw this? Before Thanos?” He looked around at the rest of the group, who didn’t seem surprised. “When did this happen?”

“On Earth.” Bruce told him. “Wanda…she…she was the only one who could .” 

Tony seemed to understand the grave situation - his face fell into a solemn frown. 

“She had to, Tony.” Natasha said. “He was right there. It was the last stone, and it was the only way we could stop him.” 

“So why didn’t it work?” Tony asked, holding back anger, clearly affected by the news. “If it was destroyed, how did he still get all the stones?” 

“The time stone.” Natasha answered. Tony winced. That was the stone his group had lost. The wizard had made it seem like the most important stone of all. And they’d lost it to Thanos. “He turned back time, and the stone just…”

“Re-assembled.” Bruce finished her thought. “The atoms. The photons. The particles all came back together. I saw it. Because they were made of matter and energy.” He looked around the room. “Because it’s possible to put them back together again.” 

“We just need to bring them together and combine them with photons,” Tony continued the thought. “Energy. Lots of it. You hear that, Point Break?” 

They looked around. 

“Where’s Thor?” Tony asked. 

“He left.” Rhodes pointed out the door to the sky. 

“What?” Tony yelled. “We need him! We need to get back to the ship. Maybe we can still catch - fuck!” Tony yelped in pain at trying to stand too quickly again. Steve reached up and caught him before he fell again. “Do I have to do everything around here, people?”

“I’m on it.” Carol ran out and flew off. In a matter of seconds, she was back, holding Thor by the arm. Tears streaming down his face, he didn’t fight her grip. She let him go, and the god sank to the ground. 

“Hey.” Tony walked over to him with a gentle voice. “We need you, Sparky. I think we can fix this.” 

Thor didn’t respond. He didn’t even look up. Bruce stepped out of the Hulkbuster, and joined them, setting a hand on Thor’s shoulder. 

“We think we can put the stones back together.” Bruce explained, and made eye contact with Tony. “Maybe.”

“We can. ” Tony insisted, giving Bruce a ‘ help me out here ’ look. “We will need energy though. Lots and lots of energy. Specifically - from your hammer.” Bruce shot a look back - shaking his head no and motioning towards the ax in Thor’s hand. “Or- well - this lovely new thing you’re sporting. Wow, it’s been a while, huh? I like it. Much more menacing. Looks great on you, bud. Very Patrick Bateman of you. American Psycho? We should put it on your watch list. Anyways, the ax. It should work just fine. It just needs to be able to emit that lightning you’re so great at.” 

“If all you need is power, I can do that .” Carol rolled her eyes. 

Thor stood up, shaking them off.

“You heard her. She can do it.” He turned back towards the door, but Bruce and Tony pulled him back. Thor tried to yank away. “Off me!” 

“Hey, no.” Bruce insisted, not letting himself be pushed away. “I don’t think you should go off on your own right now. Not like this.”

“We’re a team.” Tony said. “And besides-”

“This is my failure!” Thor bellowed. The skies above them suddenly grew dark. “I had him in my sights. He was right in front of me! I did not stop him when I needed to.” Thunder could be heard in the distance. “I was not quick enough. I was not strong enough. This is my doing.” 

Lightning struck right outside the cabin. Steve finally snapped out of it. 

He realized he’d been watching from the sidelines as one of his team members took on the weight of this defeat by himself. He needed to do something about it. He stood and bounded over to the group - a determined look washing over him. 

“You will not put this all on yourself.” Steve’s voice was resolute - though he could recognize the irony in blaming himself for everything these last few weeks. “None of us will. This responsibility belongs to all of us, but it’s not our fault . We have a chance of making it right. And if Tony says he needs you…then I’m sorry Thor. We need you to pull yourself together and help us.” 

“I cannot…” Thor couldn’t bring himself to look Steve in the eyes, but he whimpered out. “I do not want false hope.” 

“I know this is a huge setback.” Tony gently offered. “I know it seems improbable. But I’ve seen you give life to an infinity stone.” Tony looked around at Steve and Bruce. “ We saw you bring the mind stone to life. You’re a God. You might be the only one here - the only one anywhere who can bring the stones together again in working condition.” Thor seemed to react to this. His shoulders relaxed - just a smidge. Tony continued. “I think we can do it. We can figure out a way. I don’t think it’s impossible…” 

Tony turned to look at Steve. Eyes pleading. Whether he liked it or not - Steve was their leader. Tony was the one with the plan, with the aptitude for compassion and understanding through this heap of a mess they’d found themselves in. Regardless, the team always looked to Steve for their final orders. He nodded at Tony, understanding his role. 

“I believe him.” Steve replied to those deep, brown eyes, that he knew he would follow to the ends of the earth, and far, far beyond. “Please. Trust us, Thor. We can do it. Together.” 

Bruce extended a hand, and with a wet, shuddered sigh, Thor took it.

Chapter 7: Sunset

The storm cleared up, replaced by a strange colorful sunset. The team looked around at the picturesque planet as they left the cabin. 

“You know, the hue in the air - it reminds me of when Wanda destroyed the mind stone.” Natasha pointed out. “The explosion was orange everywhere, all around us.”

Steve glided his hand through the air, but felt nothing. If the stones were here, all around them, he couldn’t tell with the naked eye. He had no idea how Tony and Bruce were going to accomplish this, but he needed to trust that they could. 

“How are we gonna find them?” Carol asked the obvious. 

“We’ll have to find a way to sweep them up.” Bruce answered. “Out of the air, the ground, anywhere and everywhere.” He thought to himself. “We’ll have to regroup back home. Tony and I can probably build something like Rocket’s device to track the residual matter and energy, but with more concentrated positioning. And we’ll need a machine to filter out the correct subatomic particles from all the rest of the matter on this planet. It will have to be big - really big. And it will take some time.” 

“How much time?” 

“I couldn’t say.” Bruce looked apologetic. “Weeks. Months.” The team shuffled in discomfort. “Maybe longer. Our spaceships alone take years to build. This is a big project. Bigger than anything we’ve ever built before back on Earth. If we can even figure out how to tackle this problem.” 

“We’ll figure it out.” Steve replied, not wanting the team to lose what little hope they were hanging on to. “I have faith in you and Tony.” 

“Well, I can’t hang around here while you all hash this out.” Carol said. “Call me with Fury’s tracker when you’re ready.” 

“And where exactly are you going?” Rhodes asked indignantly.  

“Believe it or not, there’s other planets out there that need my help.” Carol retorted. 

“So you’re not going to help us figure this out?” 

“Look - someone else on some other planet across the universe might have some strong ideas on how to fix this too. Earth isn't the only planet with smarty pants on it. And I need to get back to saving lives elsewhere. I’m sure you all need to do the same-”

As the others bickered, Steve noticed that Tony hadn’t followed them out. He doubled back, and found Nebula and Tony still inside the cabin, talking amongst themselves.

“Tony?” He stepped into the door frame, and the cabin went silent, their whispers replaced with a tense atmosphere. 

“We…” Tony’s eyes darted to the floor - to Thanos’ body - then back up to Steve. “We need some time. Go on home without us if you need to. Rocket can pick us up in a couple hours.” 

“A couple hours?” Steve asked, bewildered. “No. We’re not leaving you behind.” He walked inside. “What do you need?”

Tony looked at Nebula, who was just as nervous as he was. Sometimes Steve hated his stature - the supersoldier serum gave him a tall, intimidating frame, even when he didn't mean to be. “It’s - that’s her father. We can’t just leave him like this.” 

Steve blinked at them. He couldn’t process what he was hearing. 

“I know you hate him as much as I do. So does she. But…I know a thing or two about shitty dads, and I just need to help her with this one thing and then we can go-” 

“What’s going on?” Bruce walked in, Thor following behind. 

“Um.” 

“Er.” 

Tony and Steve tried to formulate a sentence that wouldn’t set Bruce or Thor off. Their stalling resulted in Rocket scurrying in, and the rest of the group gathering outside the door to see what the hold-up was. 

“I want to bury my father.” Nebula announced. 

“Seriously?” Carol asked bluntly.

“It’s not an unreasonable request.” Tony said, standing up for her. An uncomfortable silence hung in the air for a second before Steve spoke up. 

“It…it kind of is, Tony. He kills half the universe and you’re asking us to give him a proper burial?”

“I’m asking you to give us some time.” Tony barked. “I don’t need your help.”

Thor pushed Steve aside, walking in long strides straight towards Nebula. Steve and Tony visibly stiffened, ready to jump in and interrupt whatever he was about to do. 

He stopped right in front of the young blue alien with a scowl. His arm stretched out, and Steve readied to pounce on him, stop him from hurting Tony’s new friend, but instead of landing a blow, his hand gently covered Nebula’s shoulder. 

“I understand.” Thor’s words were calm, filled with compassion. “Families can be tough. I have had to mourn family and enemy as one in the same.” He let his ax fall to the ground beside him. “I am sorry for this. We will help you.” 

Everyone looked at each other - but no one wanted to cross him. They knew very well that he was right. The lines between friend and foe had been so muddied over the years, it would be hypocritical to deny her this final farewell, even if it was Thanos . 

In silence, they dug a hole right outside the cabin, next to a freshly tilled field. The Titan would be under a cross-shaped scarecrow bearing his own armor. As Steve cleared some of the grass from the surrounding ground, he wondered if any aliens out there believed in things like religion. It was a silly thought especially given that he was friends with a god himself, but honestly - nothing about this situation made any sense to him. 

Ironman and War Machine carried Thanos out, and Thor and the Hulkbuster filled the grave. They all retreated for a few moments, letting Nebula have some time alone. Thor lingered close by. It seemed he needed this almost as much as Nebula did. 

“She’s not mourning him.” Tony said in a hushed voice to the rest of the group as they stood across the field, watching from afar. “She’s mourning her old life. Her fate as his daughter. She gets to start over.” 

Steve nodded. He could understand that - mourning a life that once was, that would never be again. As difficult and terrible as that life may have been. Starting over could be just as frightening.

Tony was the one to finally bring her back to the ship. Carol flew off in another direction, promising to come back to Earth immediately once they called her. The ride back was quiet - solemn. This wasn’t the ideal outcome of their mission today. Everyone had been expecting victory or death. Instead, they were stuck in limbo. Steve should be grateful - it was better than nothing. At least Tony had a plan. But he found that the prospect of this great task - even if it did mean a tiny glimmer of hope - did little to relinquish the constant heartache he had to tamp down. 

 

When they landed back on Earth, the group’s demeanor was understandably strained. Everyone had prepared for battle - and instead most of the team was sidelined, twiddling their thumbs until Bruce and Tony could figure out the logistics of how they would accomplish the new task at hand. They all sat in the conference room, where just hours ago, they had been preparing for what they thought would be the fight of their lives. 

“I have to go.” Natasha was the first to make her leave only minutes after arriving. “There’s someone who needs my help. Call me if you need me.” The others understood, and said their goodbyes. As she gripped Steve’s hands farewell, they exchanged a knowing glance. Steve was aware that she was going to look for Barton. She’d heard rumors just in the last few days that he hadn’t been dusted with the rest of his family, and she needed to go confirm for herself - to see if he was really somewhere out there. 

Rhodes was the next to go - he needed to get back to D.C. With half the population gone - including most members of the government and military - his time was a precious resource that couldn’t be spared to keep things running. 

Thor announced that he wanted to go to New Asgard until he was needed. His people were still adjusting to Earth, and he wanted to make sure they were getting along with the locals. Bruce tried to talk him into staying, but relented that it was probably a good idea for him to be with his own people right now. But they knew they would need him back at some point, and Thor didn’t seem to understand that he couldn’t send or receive an electronic letter without some kind of mechanical device. So Bruce offered to go with him. Steve knew he probably didn’t want to leave Thor to his own devices based on his demeanor the last few weeks. And they seemed to have grown closer recently, so Bruce was the best man for the job. 

Bruce scheduled to meet with Tony daily over video chat to discuss the progress of their brainstorming, and said that they would return immediately once it was time to execute their blueprints. 

Tony might’ve at least expected Nebula to stay with him. But it turned out, she had other plans as well. 

“Carol said we can meet her at an outpost just a couple jump points from here.” Nebula explained. “She needs help getting a solar generator running again for a nearby system, and it’s urgent, she could really use our help.” 

“And my ship.” Rocket sneered. "Which I just fixed back up, by the way."

Being the daughter of Thanos couldn’t have been an easy life. And if this is how she wanted to start to make amends, then Steve was happy for her. Tony was obviously torn about saying goodbye to his new friend, but Nebula eased his concerns. 

“Carol’s communicator works both ways. We can check in once we’re there. We’ll be back as soon as we’re done.” She promised. Tony sighed, but took her hands in his. 

“I know you will.” He earnestly responded. “I’m proud of you. You’re doing a good thing.” 

Nebula rolled her eyes, but flashed Tony a small, crooked smirk before heading out. It was obvious Tony took to her quickly. 

That left just Steve and Tony. 

He didn’t exactly have anywhere specific to go. He didn’t really want to go. But he should probably leave Tony to it. He would have his hands full, doing important work. Maybe Steve could go back to one of the aid encampments to deliver water. Or see if Rhodes needed boots on the ground to maintain infrastructure. His thoughts were interrupted by a tap on his arm. He turned to see Tony - or better yet, Ironman, still in his armor, looking sheepish. 

“Tony?” He asked. He had expected the genius to have run off to the lab in the compound basement by now. 

“Um.” Tony began. “I could use some help in the lab. If you’re not busy.” 

Of course, Steve could never be too busy to make time for Tony. But the request didn’t make sense. Steve didn’t expect to actually be allowed to stay at the compound, even for a few hours, even just to help in the lab. He wasn’t exactly understudy material. He barely understood what Tony was saying half the time when it came to his experiments. But before he could protest, Tony was pulling the wheelchair under himself, and the Ironman armor unfolded from his frail body. He looked uncomfortable as he sat on it gingerly, and let out a heavy sigh once he was able to take the weight off his legs.  

Obviously, you idiot. He thought to himself. Tony wasn’t asking for help with his project. He was asking for help with recovering from his injuries. He knew Tony would never say as much. He immediately changed his mind - he wouldn’t be leaving the compound after all. He would stay with Tony, as long as he needed to, or as long as he was still welcome. 

“Sure.” Steve agreed easily, not wanting to say any more, in fear of damaging Tony’s ego. He’d need to keep conversation light. He knew Tony’s preferred language was banter. He made his way over to Tony’s wheelchair and slowly pushed him back towards the medical hallway. Tony turned to him with a skeptical frown. “But my services don’t come easy. One IV bag for you before we start.” 

“Ugh.” Tony groaned. It was the kind of small interaction Steve missed so sorely. “Overbearing mother-hen has made her appearance already . I just needed you to move some machines around in the lab.” 

“And I’m sure you won’t mind being hooked up to an IV while you watch me do that.” Steve countered. Tony sighed dramatically, seemingly resigning himself to his fate. 

“Whatever.” Tony drawled out, crossing his arms, but he didn’t try to run away.

Steve smiled. He hoped things would stay this easy while they worked together. 

Notes:

Sorry, a little late today :) comments always appreciated

Chapter 8: Compromise

Staying behind with Tony was not easy. 

Admittedly, Steve had been foolish in thinking that it would be a piece of cake to corral an injured Tony into doing whatever was necessary to keep his health in check. 

But he’d forgotten just how much he could underestimate Tony’s ingenuity and stubbornness, even when it had only been about a day since he made it back from the brink of death. 

When they made it back to the medical wing to prepare the IV, Tony immediately made his first escape the moment Steve turned his back to him just to grab the bag, just for a second. He’d tracked him down quickly enough - the wheelchair wasn’t exactly stealthy - but Tony then covered himself back up in the armor to prevent Steve from being able to get the IV on him. It was a game of cat and mouse after that, as Steve chased Tony up and down the corridors. 

“You know I can’t stand those!” Tony whined through the Ironman speakers. With the suit, he was able to dodge very quickly for someone in such bad condition. “Just get me a cheeseburger like I asked! It’s got the same nutritional value as whatever they put in that shit!” He slapped the bag out of Steve’s hand for the fifth time. 

“You can’t just eat whatever you want right now, Tony!” Steve wasn’t giving up without a fight. He positioned one leg back, prepared to lunge at him again. “Your stomach’s been through hell, you almost starved to death! Remember after Afghanistan? You need to take it easy!” 

Abruptly, Tony froze. Steve froze too. 

“Be right back.” Tony walked out of the room, way too calmly. Steve didn’t move, out of confusion, for several moments. Then he realized - Tony might be trying to leave the compound altogether. 

But Tony was in his care right now. And as destructive as Tony was, Steve wouldn’t allow anything to happen to him. 

He bounded for the front door, but didn’t find Tony there, or outside in the courtyard. He wasn’t flying through the air in the suit, either. 

He ran back into the compound, about to start a search of the whole building, when he saw a flash of red in his periphery - back in the common area. He turned back and found Tony - holding an oily paper wrapper, faceplate lifted up, happily munching away at a cheeseburger. 

“Did you really think I don’t keep a stash of burgers on deck?” He cheekily announced. “FRIDAY started heating up the patties like ten minutes ago. I was stalling. You got stalled. Ha!” 

It was only moments later that Steve was holding another trash bin in front of Tony to vomit into. 

He didn’t say ‘I told you’. 

Instead, he decided that Tony needed to learn some things the hard way - and that he could make concessions to reach some sort of compromise. In truth, maybe the IV wasn’t strictly necessary. Would it be the best way to help Tony’s stomach recover from weeks without a solid meal? Probably. But he wasn’t exactly a doctor, and a liquid diet for now might be the only way he could help the man in light of his stubbornness. 

Tony didn’t fight as he sat him down on the couch to catch his breath, and he took the opportunity to make Tony a vegetable smoothie, with plenty of vitamins and protein powder and fruits to supplement for flavor mixed in. 

It was a truce. Tony took it, giving him a glare as he pulled a defeated sip from the straw. In return, Steve didn’t push the IV on him again. The recovery would undoubtedly take longer, but at least it was a start. 

They didn’t fight again until they got down to the lab. And that wasn’t very long after the cheeseburger incident. 

Steve was moving heavy equipment around like Tony asked him to. But every time Steve turned back, Tony was almost getting into an accident trying to do something difficult on his own. Steve had to keep stopping him from trying to reach too high on a shelf for a notebook, while using the wheelchair as a stepstool . Or from rolling off to another room, out of Steve’s line of sight, just for the exact pen he needed. By the time he dropped a large chalkboard on the ground across the lab, Steve had lost it. 

“You need to just let me do all that stuff!” Steve groaned, exasperated. “That’s why I’m here! You don’t have to do all this yourself!” 

“That’ll take too long!” Tony fought back. “It’s just small stuff. I can do all this. You just focus on moving the mass spectrometer over here like I asked you to!” 

“Tony, the giant heavy chalkboard almost fell on your head!” 

“But it didn’t. ” 

Compromise. Steve needed to take a deep breath and just remember. Compromise. 

“Look.” Steve tried to reason. “You can….do those things. But could you at least stay in my eyeline? So if something becomes too much I can help you?” 

Tony didn’t respond. He huffed, turning his wheelchair away to pick up the chalkboard from the floor. But he didn’t stray too far from Steve after that either. Several minutes later, Steve could hear him grunting as he tried to pull over a stack of heavy textbooks. Without a word, Steve stopped what he was doing to grab those and place them on the desk where Tony was preparing his work station. 

Through some miracle, Tony didn’t argue. 

Compromises. Steve thought. He just needed to let Tony have his independence, but keep an eye out for when he might hurt himself. At least he wasn’t trying to run off into other rooms anymore. 

By the end of the day, compromise was the name of the game. The arguing had been kept to a minimum the last couple hours, and Steve was immensely grateful for it. As much as he knew hounding Tony was for his benefit, he also didn’t want to rile up the other man too much and cause any undue stress. 

Tony’s doctor came by that afternoon with some medicine. Tony refused to come upstairs to meet with him, or even schedule to engage in any physical therapy. 

“I’m busy.” Tony was scribbling numbers into his notebook, not bothering to look up at Steve. 

“You aren’t even meeting with Bruce until tomorrow. I know this work is urgent but can’t you take a break for a few hours?” 

“Wanna have some models ready for when we chat tomorrow.” Again, Tony didn’t look up from his notes.

Steve went upstairs to meet with the doctor himself. He paid close attention to the doctor’s instructions, Tony’s prescription schedule, and how he could induce at-home physical therapy. He blushed through the doctor’s recommendation for regular full body massages to stimulate muscle recovery. He wasn't sure how he would mention that suggestion to Tony, but nevertheless, he thanked the doctor for coming, and wished him luck on his other patients. Fortunately, the man didn’t seem phased by the situation - he was probably used to Tony’s avoidance as the compound’s on-call doctor, and with everything that had happened, no one was really phased by anything anymore. 

When he made his way back down to the lab, he brought all the prescriptions with him. He figured he would offer the medicine once it was time to take it, and would find a time when Tony didn’t look busy to suggest some light exercises. 

But the clock kept ticking, and Tony kept working. It was like he was trying to sprint to the finish line, when he was barely starting a marathon. Steve didn’t feel the same rush. He knew he should. People were counting on them - on the Avengers - to save the day. Every minute that passed was another minute someone’s loved one was gone. Another minute of life moving forward without those missing. It was agony. It was unfair. But it seemed like it would be a long time yet until they would see the end of this. 

Occasionally Tony would break the silence to ask him to fetch a heavy piece of equipment, or write a sequence of numbers onto the chalkboard that he’d rattle off the top of his head. The requests became less frequent as the night wore on, and soon, Steve found himself waiting patiently on a shabby old couch nestled behind Tony’s workstation. 

He waited. 

Compromise. 

A yawn escaped him. He stifled it, trying not to disturb Tony. 

He could wait. If this was all he could do right now to help, then he would wait until Tony needed him again. Through heavy eyelids, he thought about how nice it was, even through their fighting - to be back at the compound. It felt familiar, yet completely new. He even felt a little…guilty. That during this terrible time, he could find solace just being close to Tony. Being in a place that felt like home, something he had yearned for, had wanted for years but couldn’t have. 

I’ll wait. 

Another yawn. He couldn’t hide this one.

I’ll compromise. 

For Tony. 

He let his eyes close. Just for a moment.

I’ll do what I have to. 

For everyone. 

Notes:

Comments always appreciated

Chapter 9: Fire and Ashes

Notes:

Comments appreciated :)

Ashes. There was no fire, but he could see black ash gliding in the wind. Circling him. Haunting him. 

A glowing light. No - six lights. Six stones. They flashed, and then they disappeared. 

He could see Bucky - afraid. He tried to walk to his friend, but his legs weren’t there. He couldn’t move. He watched Bucky disintegrate, joining the rest of the ash around him. 

He could hear Sam’s voice. What was he saying? His large, magnificent wings taking shape above him, but gone, too, in an instant - reduced to ash.

Steve wanted to go home. This wasn’t home. This was a battlefield, and he didn’t want to be here anymore. They couldn’t win. They wouldn’t win. 

Tony, amidst all the darkness. He was right there. 

Steve tried to call out to him, but he didn’t have a voice. 

Ash began to surround Tony too. 

No, not Tony! He was here now, he was safe! He came back! He should be safe! Not him too! 

No! 

 

Steve jolted awake with a sharp inhale. His heart racing, he looked around. That’s right - he was in the lab. He was on the couch. His eyes scanned the room quickly, and found Tony just a few feet away - surrounded by dozens of holo-screens. He was alive. 

It was just a dream. 

Well, not all of it. 

More like a memory. Like a stab in the chest - his friends were still gone. Thanos had still won. But Tony was here, he was okay. Steve sat up and ran his hands over his face. Sleeping was often like this nowadays. The few precious moments after waking up would bring the smallest glimmer of hope. That things could be different - that maybe, everything had been a bad dream. 

But that was never the case. Things really were that bad. Thanos had won. No nightmare could be as bad as the reality they were living. 

He took a deep breath, and let himself adjust back to the waking world, before looking down to  find that his phone had fallen to the floor at some point. As he picked it up, the screen showed 2:50 am. 

He looked back at Tony, who clearly hadn’t noticed he was awake. Maybe he hadn’t even noticed he ever fell asleep, or was even in the room. It was clear he was in the middle of something big. Seeing him surrounded by his bright blue holo screens tugged at something deep inside him. 

He remembered the restless nights they spent together, as new friends, comfortable with each other’s company through late night conversations in Tony’s lab back at the Manhattan tower. He remembered sneaking quick glances into Tony’s bright eyes whenever he’d get excited about whatever he was working on. Tony’s holograms would illuminate him from every direction, visible proof of just how brilliant and magnificent he was. It was so easy to remember all the love Steve felt for him, even back then, when they were just getting to know each other. 

This was different. Tony’s eyes weren’t bright and excited like usual. They were dull, bloodshot, manic, looking for something that wasn’t there. His features - usually relaxed, like working through scientific discoveries came as naturally to him as breathing - were instead rigid and tense. 

And it was late. Very late. Tony needed his rest. Compromise was important in keeping the peace - but Steve was here to take care of Tony, and that needed to be his priority, no matter what. 

He stood up, stretching before grabbing the painkillers the doctor had given him. He made his way over to the bright lights of the workfloor where Tony was immersed in numbers, graphs and data streaming nonstop all around him. Tony was standing - not sitting in his wheelchair anymore - though the Ironman legs were supporting him. This let him turn easily, he could see all the screens at once, pulling numbers from one side to another, adding in lines of code where needed, as he pleased. 

Steve stepped around the screens - he knew he could walk right through them, they were just light after all - Tony had told him so a long time ago. But it felt rude to walk right through his inventions like that. Steve knew there wouldn’t be a natural stopping point here. He needed to pull Tony out for the night. 

“Tony-” 

“Oh good, you’re awake.” Tony interrupted. “What do you think about a particle charge identifying scanner for the vacuum that works on wavelengths rather than visual or chemical readings of the matter itself? It would require us to combine the furball’s energy tracker with a portable centrifuge that could filter out the stable atoms and isotopes from the micro particles that the scanner accepts and that we’re looking for, assuming there’s no radioactive material on the surface of that planet - which might be a long shot. But that would need to be about the size of a cargo ship if we want to accurately comb through all the matter on the planet’s surface, atmosphere, water…we’d probably have to go down a few meters into the planet’s crust-”

“Um.” Steve could see the dark bags under Tony’s eyes, pupils unable to stay still on one screen. His hair was wild, sticking up all over where he’d probably been running his fingers through it in frustration. He was still pale, still looked worn and fragile, and it made Steve worry. He was pushing himself too hard. 

“It would leave the planet in shambles but there’s no other sentient life forms there to be mad at us as far as I can tell. Though I hadn’t considered the possibility of volcanoes or geysers. I’m not sure if the planet had any. I don’t want to say that we’d need to search any further than that - we only have a quarter of the engineering staff we usually do, and they’re probably not exactly at their best working conditions right now if we had to build anything larger to start digging in further. But maybe the tracker would identify if that’s even an issue - I doubt they got that far. They must be emitting some photons to still be giving off energy signatures, but if they’re matter, then we’ll need to find a way to convert the classification. If we can find just a few to study and gather what kind of charge they have - he claimed the stones would be atomic sized but the differential calculator would need to account for variable quarks in the particles that may have reacted to any-”

“Maybe you should ask Bruce tomorrow?” Steve asked, innocently enough. This all sounded very complicated. He didn’t think he had much to contribute in this aspect. 

Tony looked over at him - for the first time in hours - and frowned. 

“We aren’t meeting until tomorrow afternoon.” He turned back to his holograms. “Can’t you just sit there and listen?”

“Oh.” Steve replied, not exactly sure why the question offended Tony. “Sure. I mean, I could. But I just thought Bruce might understand a little better than me. And maybe now could be a good time for a break anyways-”

“So you’re saying you don’t want to be here.” Tony shot back. 

“No! I didn’t say that.” Steve tried to backpedal. He’d been doing so well all day, avoiding arguments with Tony. He didn’t want to end the night on a bad note. “I just meant - well sure I could sit here and listen. But it’s getting a little late and don’t you think maybe you should take some of the medicine the doctor sent over so you can sleep?”

“Don’t need it.” Tony turned back to his holograms, pulling one of the screens right in front of Steve’s face to block him out. 

Steve almost growled in frustration. 

“I’ve been very patient with you today Tony.” Even in his own ears, it sounded a little condescending. Still, it was true - he’d given Tony way too much leeway today. Only two days ago…Tony could’ve died. He stepped around the holograms once more and held up the bottle of pills in his hand. “But you’re hurt and you need to take care of yourself first. If it’s the pain that’s keeping you up, this could help you get to sleep. Just take one painkiller and I’ll drop it.” 

“I said I don’t need it.” 

“Enough is enough. You need to stop for the night, take your medicine, and get some rest.” 

“Nope. Need to finish here.” Tony was avoiding looking at him again. 

“You won’t be able to finish this in one night Tony.” Steve argued. “This thing you’re going to build, it will take time. And even once it’s built, we’ll have to figure out how to use it, and what to do with the matter once we have it all, and how to use the stones if we can even rebuild them, and-” 

“I know all of that!” Tony shouted. His hands clenched into fists, and though Steve couldn’t see his face right at that moment, he knew he was trying hard to hold everything in. “Look, Captain Righteous - believe it or not, you don’t know what’s best for me. Tell ya what - you only slept a couple hours. If you’re not gonna listen to my rambling and you’re not gonna to stop pestering me about pills I don’t need, you can go back to sleep. But I’m staying here.” 

“No.” This had to be where Steve would put his foot down. For Tony’s sake. ”You’re taking your painkiller and you’re going to bed.” Steve opened the bottle of medication and took one in his palm, reaching over to offer it up. “This is not up for discussion. I’m only looking out for you. Can’t you just listen to me? Please Tony-” 

“Don’t you ‘Tony’ me!” He turned and slapped the pill out of Steve’s hand, sending it flying across the lab. “How can you just-” The holograms disappeared, Tony’s breaths quick and shallow, like he was forcing back tears. “You can’t ‘Please, Tony’ your way back into my good graces. You’re not off the hook for anything yet, Rogers. You need to quit acting like you know what’s best for me.” 

“I’m sorry.” Steve tried to control himself for Tony’s sake. He needed to step up and be there for him, he’d almost died for God’s sake. He clearly wasn’t well - physically or mentally. Rest would do him some good. “I know this is hard on you. It’s hard on everyone. I know you want to fix this now but you can’t. It’ll take time. And you’re right, maybe I don’t know what’s best for you but I do know that you’re hurt and that you need to rest.” 

“Don’t you tell me what I need!” Rage filled Tony’s voice. “Don’t you fucking dare tell me what I need! Like we’re fucking pals or something.” Tony pushed Steve right in the chest, and though it felt like a kitten brushing up against him with all its might, Steve stepped back. “I NEEDED you to listen to me when it came to those things, those fucking aliens in space! I NEEDED you to listen to me when it came to Ultron, and protecting the world. I NEEDED you to take my side because no one else would, and I TOLD you and I told EVERYONE that this would happen! No one listened! Even-not even…” 

Suddenly, he was clutching at his chest. Steve ignored all his instincts to stay away from the furious man, and grabbed him, dropping the pills all over the floor, but it paid off as Tony went limp in his arms. He pulled him over to the couch, his own heart racing. 

Fuck

How had he fucked up this badly? He was supposed to be taking care of Tony and instead he gives the man a heart attack. Frantically, he laid Tony down on the couch, checking for a pulse, but too distraught to do it accurately. 

“Tony! Tony wake up!” He cried, “FRIDAY! Call someone! Call-”

But no further help would be needed. Tony’s eyes fluttered open in the next moment, and he looked bewildered to have suddenly appeared somewhere new. 

“What?” Tony mumbled out.

“I’m sorry.” Steve sputtered out, in tears. “I’m sorry Tony. Are you okay? I’m so sorry.” 

Tony rubbed at his temple, and sat up on his own. He visibly did some deep breathing, and held his hand to his chest for a minute longer before Steve couldn’t take the quiet anymore. 

“Your heart…”

“It’s fine.” All of Tony’s anger had vanished, and the color was finally returning to his face. “It’s not my heart. I just, I worked myself up too much. But I’m fine now.” 

You’re anything but fine. Steve thought, but he didn’t want to cause Tony more trouble, so he kept that to himself. Tony sighed and leaned back, putting an arm over his eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” Steve couldn’t bear to let things end like this. If Tony was going to kick him out right now, he needed to at least make things right before leaving. “I just…I want you to be okay. You’re right. I wasn’t here for you before, and I’m trying to make up for it now. But I should’ve been there when it mattered. I should’ve listened to you. I should’ve been on your side.” Now that he’d started, he couldn’t stop. “I should've believed you when it came to protecting the earth from aliens. I should’ve told you about Bucky, about your parents. You were right the whole time and I … I was a coward. I’m sorry. You needed me, and I wasn’t there. I should’ve been there. I should’ve believed you.”

Tony didn't say anything for a long time, just sat with his arm over his tired eyes, breath steady and slow. 

“Nah.” Tony responded, casually as ever, like he hadn’t just almost Hulked out on him a minute ago. “Even if you had. Ultron. Vision. They weren’t enough. Nothing I did, nothing I could’ve done would have been enough to stop him.” 

It was heartbreaking, really, that Tony felt this way. Steve prided himself in having led an amazing team of heroes once, who believed in the impossible. It was true - they were broken now. Scattered across the globe. But at one point, they were unstoppable. 

“I wasn’t there on Titan.” Steve said. “I should have been. I should have been by your side the whole time.” 

Tony didn’t answer. He didn't move. So Steve continued. 

“Vision, he was hurt. If he wasn’t hurt, he might’ve been able to… We all tried to protect him, we thought we could take Thanos down before they got to him. And we got so close, Tony. So close. You should’ve seen Thor out there. He was incredible. Everyone was. It wasn’t enough. But together…we would have stopped him. I don’t know how we would’ve made it work if I was on Titan, or if you were in Wakanda with us. But I can tell you that you’re right. Our mistake was letting him take us out one at a time. I know we would have won if all of us were together.” 

Tony pulled his arm off his head and looked at Steve, who was kneeling on the floor in front of him. Steve was stripping aside all his pride and baring himself open to Tony. It’s what he should have done a long time ago. He should never have walked away. He should never have lied, kept things from him. He should have listened, been there, by his side. 

“It’s not all on you.” Tony ultimately replied. His hand rested over his side - on the gash that was now healing. “On Titan…Thanos could have killed me. He almost did. But that stupid- the wizard who was helping us. He gave Thanos the stone so I could live. Me.” He punctuated with a heavy beat. “He should’ve just…anyways. It’s on me.” Steve didn’t know that. Tony continued. “But I guess I could…maybe be less of an ass sometimes.” Tony looked over and saw all the pills laying on the floor, motioning towards them. “The uh-the pills aren’t necessary. Really. I have painkillers and antibiotics being injected into me through the suit.” He knocked on one of the Ironman legs still surrounding him. “I could’ve just told you that but, you know. Asshole.” He said, pointing at himself.  “And I didn’t want to seem weak in front of Captain America, you know?” 

“You’re not weak.” Steve immediately rebutted. He was so proud. Tony was working on a compromise too, this whole time, and he didn’t even know it. “We don’t trade lives, you know that. If the wizard saved you, it was for a reason. And you’re not weak at all, don’t you ever say that Tony.” 

“Fine, fine.” Tony held his hands up. “But you know what they say. An object in motion, stays in motion. So can you please let me work?” Steve wanted to fight him, but he’d had enough of arguing with Tony for one day. He nodded, and Tony sighed in relief. He scrubbed his face with his hands, and tried to stand back up, but even with the Ironman legs, he could only groan and plopped right back into the cushion. He let out a resigned sigh, and pointed to his workbench. “If I promise to stay put on the couch, will you grab my tablet for me, Mr. Worry-wort?” 

Steve quickly ran to get Tony’s tablet, bringing it over to him, and fluffing a pillow before sticking it behind his back for good measure. Tony just huffed out an exaggerated sigh at him for that, but Steve didn’t care. Tony was sitting now, and that was a win in his book. He couldn’t help being overbearing, or worrying too much about Tony’s wellbeing. But he would need to start trusting that Tony knew how to take care of himself too. Tony wanted to save everyone. He wouldn’t hurt himself in the process and risk all the progress he’d made - at least, not intentionally. 

He took a seat on Tony’s work stool, trying not to let his staring become obvious. He wondered why he wasn’t being kicked out right now. All day, in fact - he realized Tony had been in control of himself all along. Tony had been the one putting up with him. 

So he resigned himself to staying up, as late as he needed to. He would push through with Tony. He’d be there. Even if that’s all he could do, just be there. 

He agreed with Tony when he talked over complicated math formulas aloud. He nodded along with Tony’s explanations of scientific processes he couldn’t begin to understand. He just needed someone to talk at. He usually had Rhodes or Pepper around to talk to, maybe Peter, or his robots around, but at the compound, right now, it was just Tony and him. 

And Steve could understand his need to keep going. He’d been doing it himself these last several weeks. Working himself nonstop, until he would literally pass out from exhaustion. It’s how he coped with all the anguish of what happened. Now it was Tony’s turn to do the same, and Steve would be here when he would finally break. 

And that time didn’t come too far later. Around four or five in the morning, Tony stopped talking out loud, instead just scribbling something into his pad. It wasn’t even ten minutes after that, when he started to nod off. Steve stealthily snuck closer, and luckily, caught the Starkpad before it hit the ground as it slipped out of Tony’s hand. 

It probably wasn’t the best spot for him to rest, but the man didn’t even wake as Steve maneuvered Tony into a more comfortable position, moving the pillow under his head. He found a few blankets behind the couch and draped one over Tony. 

He was battered. He was broken. His hair was a mess, and he was drooling all over the pillow. But God - he was the most beautiful, brillant, selfless man alive. 

And Steve didn't want to leave him alone. 

Not after that terrifying scare earlier. He made himself a makeshift sleeping bag out of the rest of the blankets and a couch cushion - right on the floor in front of Tony. If he needed anything, Steve would be right here. 

The hard lab floor was definitely not the worst place he’d slept. Tony’s light snores, the faint buzz of the reactor unit on his chest, the faraway beeping of FRIDAY’s background computations. It was all a wonderful lullaby to Steve, a reminder that he was home.

Notes:

Comments give me the motivation to edit faster 💪🏽

Chapter 10: Luxury

Bacon.

Steve woke up to the enticing aroma. 

He wrinkled his nose. The last time he’d smelled bacon was…it must've been years, now. While he was on the run, he’d stick to quick fast food, or whatever non-perishables he could buy at small convenience stores. Sometimes Sam and Bucky would force him to go out to a cafe or a restaurant in disguise, just so he wouldn’t ‘forget how to be human’. 

But here…wherever here was…the deep allure of melted cheese, and toast…it pulled him into the present. He groggily opened his eyes, and saw a white pill on the floor. He focused on it for longer than he would care to admit before realizing he was still on the floor of the lab, staring under Tony’s now empty couch at a long forgotten painkiller thrown aside from last night. 

And he smelled breakfast. That meant Tony was up and moving. 

He forced himself to sit up, looking around him for the source of the scent. He checked his phone - it was almost one in the afternoon. He looked for Tony, but he was nowhere to be seen. 

He made his way to the lab doors, opening them just a little too quickly, and almost barreled straight over Tony who was rolling in with his wheelchair below eye-level at the same exact time. 

“Shit!” Steve had knocked right into the plate of food Tony was holding. He scrambled down, just in time to catch it, and most of the juice ended up in the cup, and not all over Tony’s lap. “Sorry! Oh my god, I’m sorry! I didn’t see you there.” Steve set the food down and found a rag nearby to clean off Tony’s armored legs, but the rag just stained them with the motor oil it had been soaking in. 

And Tony laughed. 

He laughed at Steve’s fumbling attempts to help. Steve didn’t think he’d heard anyone laugh since…since Thanos. 

“Well good morning to you too.” He said with a radiant grin. He looked so much better after getting some sleep. “I uh, I made you some breakfast. Feel free to eat anything not currently on the floor or on my person. Unless you know, you're into that sort of thing, in which case, bon appetit.”

Steve looked at the plate Tony had brought him. Buttered toast. Cheese sprinkled over scrambled eggs. Way more bacon than he’d had in the last two years combined. He could barely comprehend why Tony was letting him stay at the compound for this long, much less sleep in the same room as him - and now breakfast?

“T-thank you.” A whisper croaked out of him, once he realized Tony was staring. He felt a blush creep up his neck, and cleared his throat. “Really. Thank you.” 

“It’s nothing.” Tony waved it off and rolled back to his desk, apparently quickly finding something to work on so he could avoid any more embarrassing appreciation. Steve almost followed him, to tell him it wasn’t nothing. It was such a nice gesture - and his life, everyone’s lives were so dark right now. This home cooked breakfast was…incredibly thoughtful. A beam of light in an otherwise bleak and miserable existence. 

But he knew better than to push his luck. He cleaned himself up, and happily ate his breakfast.

Belly full and satisfied, he realized he hadn’t even checked to see how Tony was doing today. Thankfully, it seemed Tony was texting Bruce when he came back to check up on him. 

“Going to call him soon?” He asked. 

“Not till later. ” Tony emphasized the timing, clearly annoyed by it. “Sounds like he’s having a grand ol’ time over there meeting all of Pikachu’s pals.” 

I understood that reference. Steve almost said out loud. But he wasn’t really sure if they were on joking terms just yet. 

“You eat anything today?” He asked instead. “I could go fix you up a plate.” 

“I tried.” Tony put his phone down, and looked down at his shirt. It was stained all over. “Uh, I think I kept some of the toast down. And some tea. Made myself a smoothie but it was bleh. ” He stuck his tongue out. 

“Want me to make you another one?” Steve offered. “I think there’s still some orange juice in Tasha’s room we could nab while she’s gone.” 

“Actually…” Tony considered something, almost giving up on it, then worked up the courage to speak again. “I was going to ask you for another favor.” 

“Anything!” Steve replied, way too enthusiastically. “Need me to move more equipment around? I could make you some soup if you prefer that. Or do you need me to write some more formulas down?” 

Tony was tugging at the hem of his soiled shirt now. He wouldn’t make eye contact with Steve. He was…blushing? Tony Stark didn’t blush.  

“You probably noticed I…reek.” He finally muttered. 

Steve hadn’t really noticed before, but now that he mentioned it…Tony did smell like roadkill barbecue in a public park mixed with hospital bed. 

“I was in space for like, three weeks.” Tony started blabbering, awkwardly trying to explain his situation. “And apparently space smells like a burnt cow. Or at least that talking Build-a-bear’s ship does. And I’m pretty sure I’ve barfed on this shirt twice…no, maybe three times now? And I would kill for a shower but I can’t go in there with the wheelchair, and I could try to keep the Ironman armor around my legs but that would kind of defeat the purpose of cleaning…down there.” 

“Oh.” Steve’s brain was so busy trying to comprehend whatever Tony was asking of him, that he couldn’t stop his mouth from moving on its own. “So you want me to help you shower.” He immediately regretted saying those words. Wished he could pluck them right back from the air. Surely Tony couldn’t mean that.

“I mean, buy a guy dinner first.” Tony mumbled. You’re the one who asked. Steve wanted to say, but Tony continued. “I would just call one of the nurses for the honor of giving me a sponge bath. But the doctor would probably send her over with a needle to poke me with. And let’s be honest, I’m in no position to entertain a cute nurse like that .” Tony half-heartedly chuckled at his own joke. 

Steve nodded. And nodded. He didn’t think he could stop his head from bouncing up and down like a stupid bobblehead, but he was stuck - his brain couldn’t get past Tony wants me to help him shower. 

“So…” Tony asked, looking up at him sheepishly. 

“Yeah.” Steve would definitely regret this later. “Of course.” But he could never say no to Tony. Not when he was asking for help. Tony never asked for help unless it was really needed. “Yep. Sure. Absolutely.” 

“Cool.” Tony, as suave and shameless as he usually was, seemed just as uncomfortable with the idea. “Alrighty then.” He turned in his wheelchair, making his way out the door. “Let’s go.” 

“Right now!?” Steve asked in a high pitched squeal. He wasn’t ready for this.

“Well…are you busy with something else?” Tony asked indignantly. 

“No!” Steve answered. Get it together Rogers! It’s not like he’d never seen a naked man before! He’d been in the army for God’s sake. “Let’s go.” He said, mostly to himself. Steeling his nerves, he grabbed Tony’s wheelchair handles, determinately marching straight to Tony’s old room. 

Steve had never been in Tony’s personal en-suite before. He’d also never thought of a bathroom as excessive before, but he didn’t know how else to put it. The tub was utterly useless to them - it sat on an elevated platform, gorgeous white marble steps led up to it, and it was surrounded by built-in ambiance lighting and imposing Roman statues. Steve wouldn't be able to help Tony wash up in there - unless he decided to join him in the bathtub, which would be an impossibly tight fit and was completely out of the question. 

The shower was no better. It was small, a sleek waterfall showerhead emerging from the ceiling above it. All glass surroundings, so one wrong move with the Ironman armor would bring the whole thing down and have shards of glass falling all around them. And two people definitely would not be able to fit in there. 

“Why did you need such a ridiculous bathroom anyways?” Steve asked, still trying to work the logistics in his head. 

“What can I say,” Tony proudly declared. “I’m humble, but I like extravagance.”

“ So humble.” Steve mocked him. “You would only stay at the compound once a month, at most. You really didn’t need all this.” He remembered how he would have to send Nat to threaten Tony to get him to show up to meet new recruits, or attend team exercises.

“Luxury is a necessity, Cap.” Tony wagged his finger at him. “You would know that if you'd have let me have any input into your room design.” 

“I didn’t need any massage chairs. Or towel warmers.” 

“You don’t know what you’re missing out on.” Tony shook his head in disappointment. “Besides, I did use this bathroom quite a bit. After I brought Rhodey back from…well…the airport…” 

Oh. 

How could Steve forget? The brawl at the airport. Rhodes’ accident. Of course, they had spent months here, helping him recuperate, learning to walk again. 

“I’m sorry.” Steve offered. 

“I know.” Tony answered. 

Uneasy silence hung between them, until Steve had a thought. 

“Did Colonel Rhodes have a room here?” Steve asked. 

“Of course.” Tony responded. “He still does. He stays here when he’s not off doing ‘military exercises’ which is a load of bull-” 

“So he has a personal bathroom here. One that you designed for him after…” Steve cleared his throat. “After his injury.” 

“Oh.” Tony blinked, and his eyes grew, like he suddenly remembered. “You’re right. He does have a nice, big, expensive tub I can borrow.” Tony suddenly spun around in his wheelchair and bounded for the door. 

“Hey!” Steve was knocked out of the way, and turned to follow him as he raced down the hall. “Shouldn’t we ask for permission first?” 

“Thought your Irish Catholic mom would’ve taught you better!” Tony laughed as he turned another corner. “Do first, ask for forgiveness later!” 

“That’s not-” Steve grumbled before he was cut off.

“Grab my soaps for me, will ya?” He yelled out before skidding off in another direction. 

Steve huffed at being left behind. He doubled back, and returned once again with as many bottles of aromatic liquids as he could find, and a few large, fluffy towels. He eventually found his way to a dimly lit room, door wide open, and Tony already making himself at home in the bathroom inside. Steve felt like an intruder as he ran past the Colonel’s bedroom and personal space, averting his eyes so as to not invade his privacy. 

Once he joined Tony in the bathroom, he had to admit - it was the perfect solution. This tub was much more sensible. It was large, with a detachable shower head, a wide door with a waterproof seal that served as an easy entrance into the tub, a grab bar on each side, and even a seat built in for comfortable soaks. 

And Tony was already inside, apparently having found enough bath bubbles to almost overflow the tub. Steve heard some beeping, and quickly turned the faucet off, trying to stop the water from spilling out, before Colonel Rhodes’ voice was heard over the speakers, loud and clear.

“What the hell?” 

Steve jumped, dropping bottles of fancy soap everywhere. 

“Guess where I am, Platypus!” Tony excitedly waved his arms up, a big puff of bubbles atop his head as decoration. 

“Why are you in my bathroom, Tones?” Rhodey’s exasperated face was displayed in front of the tub, large and crystal clear. “And why is Steve Rogers in there with you?” 

“It was his idea.” Tony pointed back at him, and he felt a violently red blush spread all over him. 

“I’m sure.” Rhodes’ flat demeanor proved he wasn’t buying it. 

“Besides, your tub just works so much better for someone in my current predicament, Sugarbear.” Tony brazenly grinned at the video chat. “And since you left me all alone, Captain of the Seas here is helping me.” 

“Remind me again why you need a supersoldier to help you into an ADA-compliant, extremely accessible bathtub?” 

Steve wanted to shout apologies, say that it wasn’t what it looked like, but instead he threw all the soap bottles into the tub with Tony, and scrambled out the door, slamming it shut behind him. He could hear the Colonel chuckling on his way out, and Tony reprimanding him, Oh come on, don’t scare him off, Sourpatch! 

Steve’s heart was thumping erratically, threatening to jump out of his chest. 

God, why was Tony so immature? And annoying? And infuriating! And…

And Steve realized he wasn’t upset at all. 

He wasn’t annoyed, or mad, in fact he couldn’t help but think just how fond he was of Tony’s ridiculous antics, and how much he’d missed them. He could hear Tony and Rhodes excitedly chatting in the bathroom, and figured the Colonel could use the time to catch up on Tony’s condition. It seemed Tony had a good handle on being able to clean himself up. 

He looked around the dark room. It was tidy, uncluttered, much like his own, really. It must be a military thing - to keep one’s private quarters orderly and efficient, even outside the barracks. Rhodes didn’t have much in the way of decorations - other than some diplomas, and his commendation medals and ribbons neatly displayed in a couple cases on his dresser. Steve was admiring the awards when he saw a bright red book between it all that looked out of place. 

There was a picture of Rhodes and Tony on the front, with big bright smiles and MIT Christmas sweaters on in what appeared to be a festive bar. Tony looked so young. He was only a teenager there, really.  

He realized it was a photo album, and before he could think twice, he was opening it up, looking through the pages. 

Most of them featured Rhodes, obviously. They were tame - photos of him with what looked to be professors, some graduation photos, some of him with his family. 

But a lot of the pictures were fun, rowdy college kid snapshots. 

One of Rhodes and Tony in bathing suits, among other students, playing in the destructive stream of a firehose, blasting one another with it. 

Another featured them grinning mischievously, giving big thumbs up to the camera, wearing oversized business suits and holding plastic cups with “WINE GLASS” scribbled on them. Around them, it looked like an impromptu art gallery in someone’s dorm room, they were standing in front of a crude drawing of a penis. 

He found a photo that Tony had clearly taken by aiming the camera towards himself - Tony really had invented selfies before they were a thing. Behind him, an unaware, sleeping Rhodes laid out on top of a large computer processor, covered in tape and napkins. 

Steve knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he shouldn’t be snooping into Colonel Rhodes’ private things. But every flip of the page led to more and more photos of Tony. A young, vibrant, happy Tony. He felt like he was looking into the past, learning small bits and pieces about the man just in the other room. 

That he wasn’t above wearing a sparkly red dress with matching heels on Halloween. That he’d apparently met a very important beaver at some point. That he liked to eat cheeseburgers - a lot , judging by how often he’d appear in the background of cafeteria and class photos, a burger somehow always conspicuously visible among their antics. 

When he got to the last few pages of the album, there was one photo that really gave him pause.

It was an adorable shot of just Tony, no one else, donning a bright, exuberant grin. He was holding up a complicated looking motherboard. He’d clearly just finished building it when this was taken, and he was happy - no, delighted with his results. At the bottom of the Polaroid, just one word was written in: "DUM-E".

Steve couldn’t help but swell up with pride. Tony had always been a genius, this he knew. But it was something special to get to see this side of him - the carefree, curious, playful excitement of someone still learning about the world around them. 

And Tony was still like that, even now. He didn’t show it in the same ways - but he was still someone who would break rules, ignore limitations, push buttons just to see what he was capable of doing, and what he could get away with. 

He heard something rattle onto the bathroom floor, followed by a quiet “Whoops.” 

He put the album back where he found it, grateful for the cherished moments he’d been able to witness, and knocked on the door. 

“You need any help in there?” 

“Oh!” Tony answered, clearly surprised Steve was still there. “Um. Yes? Maybe?” 

He entered the steamy bathroom to find Tony, thankfully (or unfortunately) covered in a towel from the waist down, sitting on top of the counter, trying to wipe the clouded mirror with his hand. 

“It keeps fogging up!” He complained. “I need to install a heating element behind it so it won’t do this when Rhodey gets back. Can you grab that other towel from the floor?” 

“Maybe you shouldn’t have taken the hottest bath known to man.” It was at least 20 degrees warmer in there, Steve turned on the vent fan to help clear up some of the haze. 

“Excuse me. It’s good for my joints.” Tony defiantly put his hands on his hips. “See? I got up here all by myself.” 

“Did you use the wheelchair as a step stool again?” Steve eyed the offending seat nearby. 

“Er...” Tony’s cockiness fell off his face. “No…” 

“I’ll pretend like I believe you.” Steve handed Tony the towel he retrieved for him. “What do you need to look at yourself for anyhow? You look perfectly fine to me.” 

“Well thank you Capsicle.” Tony batted his eyes. Steve felt his ears go hot. “Flattery will get you everywhere. But I wanted a shave. And sadly, flawless facial hair like mine doesn’t come without meticulous, precise attention to detail, unlike your gorgeous mane there.” 

As Steve’s whole head turned a bright shade of red, Tony turned back to the mirror, finally getting it clean enough to see out of. He quickly finished while Steve rinsed off the tub behind him. Once Tony announced he was done, Steve looked up at the mirror again. He was so scruffy now compared to Tony. 

“Guess I should shave now too.” He mumbled, scratching at his chin. 

“No!” Tony shouted. Steve looked over at him. 

“What?”

“...No?” Tony said at a more reasonable volume. “Don’t shave it.”

“Why not?” Steve ran a hand along his jawline. It wasn’t uncomfortable anymore, he was quite used to it now, actually. But it definitely wasn’t a look he usually styled. 

“Because.” Tony pointedly announced. “Rule #1 of living at the compound. Steve Rogers is not allowed to shave. It looks…nice. It suits you.” 

“Oh.” Steve’s heart fluttered. Did Tony really mean that? He quickly stomped down the feeling. He knew Tony flirted as often as he breathed sometimes, and with their close proximity lately, it was only natural for him to direct that attention at Steve. It didn’t mean anything. He decided he needed to change the topic quickly - before he made a fool of himself somehow with his awkward retorts.  

“So…are you gonna get ready for that call with Bruce now?” He asked, as nonchalantly as he could. 

“Soon.” Tony answered, reaching for the wheelchair with one leg. Steve helped pull it over, and gently guided him back into a sitting position. “But…that soup you mentioned earlier sounds like it might hit the spot.” 

Steve was thrilled to be able to provide. 

“How about I make you a tomato soup?” He offered. 

“I wouldn’t object.” Tony shrugged offhandedly, but couldn’t hide the hope in his voice when he asked, “With a grilled cheese?” 

“I don’t know about that.” Steve fondly gazed down at Tony. What was it with him and cheesy bread? “But I'll make you some toast.” 

Tony seemed satisfied with that answer. 

He thought it would feel like a burden to take care of someone like this - in a way that was repetitive, intrusive, maybe even degrading - for the both of them. Instead, he found that it was the easiest thing in the world when he let it be. He could see himself taking care of someone he loved, someone like Tony, for as long as he needed to. Making him home-cooked meals. Washing his hair for him after a long day of work. Tucking him into bed at night. It felt homey, and intimate. 

“Kay.” Tony abruptly swiveled the chair around, and rolled out of the bathroom. “I’ll be in the lab. Clean up after my mess, will ya?” 

Steve was pulled out of the imaginary dream he was in to look around, and saw wet towels strewn about, shampoo bottles dripping onto the floor, and dirty clothes bundled up in a corner. Steve shook his head. Tony was a whirlwind of chaos. But Steve would be there, nonetheless. No matter what.

Chapter 11: Motives

After being away for so many months, years even, Steve finally seemed to have some sort of unspoken permission to be back in Tony’s life. And he wasn't going to waste that opportunity again. 

Their days were simple, at least on Steve’s end. Much simpler than any other time in his life that he could recall. There was no recession. There was no war. No back to back missions, no spying, no hiding from the law. Just him and Tony, with one clear goal - to bring everyone back.

Steve would try not to dote on Tony too much. He’d offer meals only when Tony seemed to reach a good stopping point. He’d clean up after Tony’s messes in Rhodey’s bathroom. He’d remind Tony to try stretching his arms and legs once in a while after sitting for too long. He’d even let Tony stay up, long past reasonable bedtime hours, and helped him get comfortable if he happened to fall asleep on the couch in the lab after a long day of work, which he did most nights. 

In return, Tony didn’t fight back - very much. 

It wasn’t the same as before Siberia. Their meals were withdrawn for the most part, each man usually confined to his own space. It still felt like there were a lot of things going unsaid, and he wanted to break the ice, find out if they would truly be okay after all this. If they figured out how to undo this disaster of a situation they were in, they still had their irreconcilable differences to address. But there didn't seem to be any animosity. Superficially, they seemed to be getting along just fine.

Steve couldn’t afford to worry about it too much anyhow - there were far greater things at stake here than their camaraderie. And by some miracle, after all this time spent together these past few days, even through their sporadic bickering, Tony hadn't once asked him to leave. And at least they were eating and sleeping. Working towards a unified goal helped their spirits a lot. Steve would still get waves of unbearable sadness washing over him, where he'd want to stay in bed all day, hide away from the broken world. But they became less frequent, and Tony needing him was enough of an incentive to get him moving.

About a week into their unlikely living arrangements, Pepper dropped by. 

She walked in through the front, immediately finding Steve in the kitchen. He almost didn’t hear her come in, through the sound of the blender he was running. She was carrying a few boxes, and a large black cloth bag on a strap over her shoulder.

“Steve!” She smiled at him. She was always so composed, so well put together, even through all this. “How are you?”

“Miss Potts.” He greeted, shutting off the blender. Then he corrected himself. She never liked for those in her immediate circle to be too formal. “Er, Pepper. I’m…well…you know.” 

“Of course.” She nodded, understanding. No one was okay nowadays. But everyone had to keep moving, lest they be carried away in an avalanche of dread and despair. “I’m just glad you haven’t come to blows with Tony yet. I know he can be a handful.” 

“Not at all. Actually, it’s been going pretty well.” He answered. “All things considered. We still get into an argument now and then. He tries to hide when I suggest he eat some steamed vegetables. But their science project is…uh…well it’s slow moving to be honest. But us. On that front. We’re…getting along better than I could have hoped for…” He trailed off, wondering if he’d said too much already. If his care for Tony was as palpable as it felt. 

“That’s great to hear, Steve.” She smiled again. A knowing smile, like she understood something he wasn’t quite in on. “Is he in the lab?” 

“No, I think he's in his room, resting right now.” 

“Resting.” Pepper repeated, like she didn’t believe him. 

“Well…yes.”  

“Sorry. It’s just…Tony never rests .” She explained her confusion. “Are you sure he’s okay?”

Steve could appreciate that. It was out of the ordinary for the manic scientist. “We came to an understanding.” Pepper raised her eyebrow, and he continued. “I bribe him with his favorite strawberry smoothie. I only make it for him when he agrees to take a 15 minute break.”

“I'm surprised he doesn't just make it himself.” 

“He insists I make it better.” Steve answered. 

“Right.” She looked pensive, mulling the situation over. It made Steve a little uncomfortable. Was he doing something wrong? 

“Do you need help with that?” He asked, moving away from the topic of Tony altogether. He wiped his hands on a towel, and reached over for one of the boxes or the large bag she was carrying.

“No! It's- your... It's fine. It's not heavy, really.” She quickly pulled away from him. “Just bringing some things over for Tony that he asked for from his main lab and...well.” Her expression dropped. “We couldn't find May Parker. She's not at any of the morgues or hospitals. One of her neighbors says he definitely saw her picking up her mail that morning, and hasn't seen her since. No one has reported her to be alive. She was probably…”

“Dusted.” He finished. It was the term they had all taken to using. 

“Yeah.” She replied. 

They both looked down at their feet. Even though he’d personally confirmed hundreds, if not thousands of people to be dusted in the last few weeks, it never got any easier. Each time hurt as much as the last.

“I'm gonna go talk to Tony.” She took a deep breath. “I can bring him his smoothie, if you’d like. It might be a while.” 

“Thank you.” He slipped the drink into her free hand, and she took off for Tony’s room. 

He didn't disturb them while they talked. For hours. Steve took the opportunity to clean around the compound. The kitchen where he made Tony’s meals. The conference room where Tony would write down a million things on every level surface he could find when he’d meet with Bruce on their brainstorming calls. The TV room, where Tony would always lay out on the big sectional to keep reading his physics books when his legs hurt a little too much to stay upright in the suit or sitting in the wheelchair. The bench outside where Tony would go with Fury’s communicator sometimes to check on Nebula in private. Rhodes' bathroom where Steve would help Tony into the tub, only to scurry away every time, too unnerved to ask if he needs help shampooing his hair, or if he would like a massage to alleviate his recovering muscles.

His life revolved around Tony right now, and to be honest, he loved it. He loved how domestic it felt. How easy it was to fall into the rhythm of small thoughtful tasks after the initial blow ups and fights. How Tony looked better with each passing day, the frailty he first saw in him when he got back to Earth replaced with those pretty, glowing cheeks he adored so much. It had only been about a week of peace, but Steve loved the peace. He’d never had a lot of it. 

And he felt guilty about it. People all over the world, the universe, lost their loved ones. And Steve, by some miracle, got to gain a loved one back from all of this. It wasn't fair.

He wondered if Pepper would stay. It would be a good thing, he told himself. Tony needs all the help he can get, even if he's too proud to admit it.

But the truth was - he also liked having Tony all to himself. Even if he would never admit that out loud.

After several hours, Pepper and Tony emerged from the room. They both looked tired, noses red and eyes puffy, like they'd been crying recently. Steve didn't mention it. Most people found that crying was just another part of the day lately.

“Hi you two.” He gracefully greeted them. “Can I make you both some dinner?”

“Oh, that's so sweet Steve.” Pepper answered. “Thank you, but I'm taking off. Back to the office.”

“Are you sure?” He asked. “You can stay as long as you like, this is your home as much as it is ours. 

“That’s very kind of you Steve, but yes, I’m sure. Unfortunately, I’m needed back in the city. Anyone willing and able to help at SI is on duty today to bring communications back to remote areas of New York. We're re-routing non-Stark phones to satellite signal instead of tower, since there's almost no one left to service all the other company's towers.”

“Sounds important.” Steve knew that one positive thing that came from all this was that big companies didn't really have competitors anymore. Too many rich business owners and stakeholders had been dusted, same as anyone else. Their money didn't help them, Thanos and the stones didn't discriminate. Everyone was working together right now to keep things afloat as best as they could.

“It is. Please keep an eye on this one, okay?” She walked over and pulled Steve into a big hug. He'd never received a hug from Pepper before. She was taller than he expected, dainty yet strong. She wasn’t exactly known for being affectionate, one of the many reasons Steve never thought she and Tony were a good fit. But this hug was nice. 

“Thank you for taking care of him.” She whispered to him. Steve nodded against her back, and she pulled away.

“Hey! Where's my hug?” Tony pouted from behind her.

“You're so needy.” She scoffed, but hugged him anyway, and gave him a small kiss on the temple too. Tony preened at the attention. Steve felt a quick pang of jealousy, just for a second. He wished he could do that too. Make Tony happy like that with a hug and a kiss. But it quickly passed as Pepper spoke again.

“You could just ask Steve for a hug, you know.”

“GoodBYE Pep.” Tony scowled at her. 

She winked at Steve on her way out. He didn’t know what to make of it, but Tony's face was more red now than it had been when they came out of the bedroom after their cry.

“So what's this I hear about dinner?” Tony turned away towards the kitchen. 

Steve would be glad to make them dinner.

---

That night, Tony actually showed up at the communal dining room where Steve always had his meals. Tony would usually take his plate and scurry back off to the lab, but this night, he wasn’t shying away from Steve.  

“So.” He said, with a serious tone. He looked nervous. Steve took another bite off his plate, careful not to make too much eye contact. He might spook Tony with his undivided attention, and he might not say whatever it is he was trying to get out. “Um. Well, Pepper pointed out today that you’re doing a good job of babysitting me. And I agree, for the most part, that you’re doing an adequate enough job of dealing with me.”

That was…an odd thing to bring up. Tony put a large black cloth case on the table, the same one Pepper brought over earlier. He slid it over to Steve. 

“It's not a big deal. In fact, you deserve this. Not just because of this last week. It’s…yours. In the most literal sense of the word. It’s nothing. It’s just…I’m just trying to say thank you.” Tony motioned for him to look inside. Steve abandoned his plate and opened the case. It was his shield. 

Captain America's shield. It was clean. Completely repaired. The scratches from T’Challa’s claws were gone. Like brand new. 

“You…you fixed it.” Steve breathed out. 

“I did a long time ago.” Tony casually replied, as if it were no big deal. “You know. Had lots of time to think. Can’t hold on to grudges forever, blah blah, whatever my therapist said. Turns out, resentment is corrosive, and I hate it. Besides, I couldn’t let a national treasure like that just sit around broken in the basement and-”

“Tony..” Steve stood, and held the shield close to his side. It was like going back in time. It felt right in his hands. The weight was perfectly calibrated, as always. He thought, just for a split second, if he’d had this against Thanos maybe things would be different. The thought quickly dissipated - what-if scenarios only served to give him an upset stomach. 

Giving him the shield was an amazing show of trust. 

He knew that he'd hurt Tony in a way he never thought possible. Emotionally, but also physically. With this very shield. It pained him even now to think about. He had needed to save Bucky at the time, of course. But hurting Tony in the process was the hardest…no, the worst thing he'd ever done. He'd regret not coming clean to Tony about his parents sooner for the rest of his life. 

Now, Tony was just…handing it back. It was a big step for them. One he didn’t think they would ever take. Or at least, not this soon after seeing each other again after years. After so much pain. “This is a lot, Tony," He said with reverence. "Are you sure?”

“Of course.” Tony immediately answered. “He made it for you. It’s yours.”

Steve gripped the strap on the back of the shield. It was reinforced with the same material he recognized from Tony’s newer Ironman suits. Better than before. This was Tony’s way of taking care of him. 

“Thank you, Tony.” 

He wanted to say so much more. That he’d never hurt Tony again. That everything leading up to this had been a mistake. That he wanted to take care of him, always, and keep whatever it is they had together right now. He wanted to pull him in for a hug. Pepper did earlier. But would that be okay coming from him? Would it scare Tony off?   

“It’s nothing. Thank you for letting me work. And not pushing my buttons. I know I have a lot of them. Buttons that is. Bright and shiny and tempting to push. But as you can see, I know how to take care of myself too. I haven't keeled over in the lab yet. I just have my own way of doing things you know?”

“I know.” Steve said. “I’m sorry for pestering you so much at the beginning, there. I just-”  

He almost said I just got you back. I didn’t want to lose you again. I just wanted to keep you safe.  

But how crazy would that sound? He was never Steve’s to have. 

He didn't want to lose this. He needed to just act normal . As hard as that would be. He couldn't let Tony see just how much this affected him, just how much deeper his love for him grew with the things he did. Things like this. It was just so Tony to forgive with such grace.

“There's nothing to thank me for. You’re hurt. Of course I'm here to help. Someone has to take care of you.”

He wished he could say what he really meant. That he’d do anything if it was for Tony. 

But that’s not what he said. Something in Tony’s expression cracked at his words. 

“Right.” Tony whispered. It was quiet for another beat. The room suddenly felt much too small, tension arising out of nowhere. Tony rolled his wheelchair away from the table. “Yep. Well. Thanks again.” He didn’t take his meal with him, and quickly retreated back to his room, turning in for the night. 

Did Steve say something wrong? The world felt off-tilt, but he didn’t know why. He thought they were verging on something important, he thought their friendship was finally being mended, but instead he was left more confused than ever.

Notes:

Comments make the world go round

Chapter 12: Motion

Notes:

Sorry, some chapters are long AF

The next morning, Tony began to do his physical therapy. That was a surprise. Steve even offered to help. Tony politely, but firmly insisted that he wanted to do it on his own. Steve didn’t like the idea of Tony possibly getting hurt if he wasn’t right there to make sure he’d be alright, but he relented, begrudgingly leaving him be. At some point shortly afterwards, he’d see Tony taking his first few steps unassisted by the Ironman legs, on his way to the kitchen. He wanted to congratulate him, tell him he was making excellent progress, but Tony seemed more distant than usual, so he bit his tongue. 

Tony began making his own meals once in a while too. He didn’t ask Steve for his favorite strawberry smoothie anymore. He didn’t ask him to help him sit into Rhodey’s tub. 

Tony hadn’t been using FRIDAY much since they got here, but suddenly she was transcribing all his notes, instead of Tony having Steve write them down. He didn’t ask Steve for anything after that confusing dinner. The day he got his shield back. 

Overnight, Steve felt like he wasn’t needed here anymore. 

It had been only a couple days of this, but Steve couldn’t take it much longer. He hated that Tony had shut him out without warning, and he didn’t know why. It didn’t feel malicious - Tony wasn’t rude, or mean in any way. It almost just seemed like indifference. Which was somehow worse. 

Steve decided to hang around Tony’s presence anyways. He’d listen in on his calls to Bruce. Their meetings usually harbored more frustration than accomplishments. Though Steve didn’t understand the mechanics of their ideas, their main objective was clear - they were trying to build some kind of device to sort through all the garden planet’s atoms - and separate the broken stones from the rest of the planet. 

He wasn’t sure how they were going to do that. Often he’d end up just staring at their models during the meetings, wishing he could help somehow. The serum definitely made it much easier for him to learn and retain information quickly, but the kind of science Tony and Bruce were working with seemed light years ahead of his scope of intelligence. 

He hadn’t known how much background planning would be needed for this kind of work. He’d only imagined the physical labor involved - the nuts and bolts, hammering and soldering, building and implementing the equipment after the fact. He’d take that any day of the week over all this brainstorming. 

A mountain of scrapped blueprints were piling up. They reminded him of his time in the army. Back then, it felt like ages when the Lieutenants would meticulously go over plans of attack, careful to follow protocol, often abandoning their plans at the last minute, having to start from scratch in the heat of battle on the frontlines. 

He hated it back then too. He was a man of action. It was ironic that he ended up leading a group of superheroes for so long, who often found themselves in the middle of combat, wishing they’d planned ahead a bit more. But then again, he was never known for going into battle well prepared. That’s one of the things that made him and Tony such a good team. They were both a bit reckless at times - but their creative solutions to unexpected hiccups in their strategy always seemed to work in their favor. 

After several days of this, he decided to surprise Tony. He needed to be useful, somehow . He’d make Tony a lunch filled with his favorites. His stomach was doing much better now that he was moving and active again, though he still likely couldn’t process a full, solid meal yet. Nevertheless, it was better than sitting around waiting to be given orders. 

He remembered back when he was young, always so sick and frail. His mother, though she didn’t have much, would pull together anything she had in the kitchen to make him a soup or a stew, on the days when it got really bad. Sometimes the ingredients didn’t really fit together, but Steve loved it every time. He’d watch the process - her carefully peeling potatoes, a few days too old to use in anything else. She’d chop up a mixed sack of vegetables, often just scraps from other meals. If he was really lucky, she may have a few bites of meat or bread leftover to throw into the broth as well. He appreciated it every time, the careful and loving labor over the small coal stove warming him more than the soup ever did. 

Maybe that’s what Tony needed right now. Just a reminder that someone appreciated his efforts. It clearly wasn’t easy to come up with a game plan, and a pick-me-up might just be the thing to help. 

Steve got up early that day, taking the time to blend up some very smooth salted mashed potatoes. He toasted some buttery bread. He made a soft, homemade meatloaf, with sesame seeds and cheddar cheese sprinkled on top. A little ketchup and mustard drizzled over it. He even added some shredded lettuce, and finely chopped onions and pickles. It was an odd combination of things, but Steve was happy with the results, and brought them into the conference room in the middle of Tony’s video meeting with Bruce that day. They had been bickering loudly all morning, and Tony almost didn’t even notice him walk in. 

“The planet’s over a thousand miles in diameter! WHERE exactly are we going to find the resources to essentially build a Death Star around that??” Steve found Tony arguing into the screen in front of him. 

“That’s the engineer’s problem!” Bruce pointed back at him through the screen. “You asked for a solution! Scaling’s not my problem! If you don't like it, then we can scrap it and go back to the giant vacuum idea, which by the way , would require almost as many alloys to build. Why can’t we just ask Carol to bring us some stray uninhabited planets or moons to use?” 

“Right!” Tony cried out sarcastically, throwing his hands up in the air. “Because it’s so easy to just find titanium planets wandering around. And where exactly would we store these magical planets while we mine them and build this? And how many decades would that take to build? You sound like such a theoretical physicist right now.” 

“Don’t you dare call me that!” Bruce shouted. “You wouldn’t call me that if the Hulk was here!” 

“Please! Bring him out!” Tony yelled. “After making me look like a hack in front of the wizards, I’d like to have a word with him too!” 

It was so tense, Steve almost abandoned his plan altogether. Just as he was going to take a step back out the door, Bruce saw him and coughed, ending their little spat. Tony turned to see what Bruce was looking at, and noticed Steve. 

“Oh.” Tony calmed down as well, and turned back to Bruce on the screen. “Sorry. We’ll keep it down.” 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Steve brought Tony’s lunch over to him. “I was just bringing Tony something to eat. Please, don't mind me." 

Steve stepped back as Tony grabbed the fork without even looking at the plate. He stabbed a piece of the meatloaf a little too forcefully and continued his argument. 

"If BRUCE here could just offer a reasonable idea for once, or at least not hinder-" Tony stopped in his tracks at the first bite he took. Bruce and Steve watched him thoughtfully work through the flavors in his mouth. "Wait. What is this? It tastes like-"

"A cheeseburger?" Steve finished for him. "And fries. Deconstructed." 

Bruce and Tony stared at him. 

"I. Uh. I know you've wanted more solid foods lately, and that they're hard on you right now. But I thought, maybe it would be easier on your stomach if they were a little mashed up already to begin with." Steve felt an anxious, involuntary chuckle escape his throat. A cheeky smile started to form on Bruce's face, while Tony just looked on, listening intently. "It's still good, I think. The flavors are all there. Just...a little mixed up. But it's okay right?" Tony wasn't moving, or speaking, and Steve’s heart sank when Bruce’s smile morphed to a sad, apologetic look. "If…if it's not good I can take it away. I'll bring something else. How about that smoothie you-"

"Sh!" Tony shushed him, putting down his fork and mumbling something under his breath. 

"Tony, don’t take this out on-" 

"SHH!" Tony shushed Bruce as well. He started moving his hands in the air, motioning to numbers and figures that weren't there, that only he could see in his mind. 

They let him work through whatever it was he was thinking for another minute. Then, Tony brought up a blank hologram. He started mapping out figures around a display of the Garden planet. Steve wasn't sure what was going on, but as Bruce watched, he apparently began to understand as well, nodding along to the jumbled mess of data that Steve couldn’t begin to process. 

As Tony kept adding more information to the algorithm, the planet began to collapse in on itself. Then, he brought a little Thor- like figure into the display. A number popped up next to him, and the number kept rising as the planet started to glow on the projection. The number was going up, higher and higher, and the shrinking planet glowed brighter still until- 

The whole planet disappeared from the projection, six small, shining dots left in its wake. 

"It’ll cause a black hole." Bruce pointed out. 

“Not if we keep the density stable long enough to get the stones out.” Tony replied. 

“But we’d only have one shot.” Bruce reasoned.

“It’s a risk we’ll have to take. It’s the fastest, easiest, most foolproof way. Any other solution would take years, maybe even decades. You know it and I know it.” 

“It’s a big risk. What if it doesn’t work? We can’t undo it if it swallows up the stones entirely.” 

“What if any of our plans don’t work? We can’t scrap it just because you think it’s too risky and, let’s face it, any of our plans come with the risk of diminishing matter anyways. Except this one.”

“I’m sorry.” Steve interrupted, “What’s going on?” 

Tony turned, apparently having forgotten Steve was in the room. He held up the plate with his lunch on it in his hands, as if that would explain anything. 

“Like this!” He explained, with feverish madness in his eyes. “You broke down the cheeseburger to its most basic components. It’s what Thanos did to the stones. They’re just atoms and photons now. The atoms are stuck on the planet because of its higher than average density causing a strong gravitational pull for its size, and Thor has all the photons we need from his hammer-”

“Ax.” Bruce corrected.

“Whatever!” Tony continued. “So if I eat this, I'll essentially have a cheeseburger in my stomach, right? Even though the parts were broken up?”

“I…suppose.” Steve agreed, though he was still lost on the explanation. 

“Right! So we just need to mash the entire planet together, into one small lump of mass. We wouldn’t have to look for atoms all around an entire planet, we would just be looking at one small ball of extremely dense mass. It would still be the stones, they would just be a little mixed up. With soil and trees and water and each other, but all there. It would be like building them back up from their deconstructed parts. How extreme pressure and heat can form a diamond. We would just be mashing it all up, planet and all, so the energized subatomic particles are more accessible to us and easier to mold with Thor's photons, and forming diamonds out of it. We brush off a few million residual tons of compacted dirt and rubble and BAM! The stones will be all that’s left. No need to be delicate with a planet we were just going to entirely upturn anyways. It’s simple!”

“It could work, Steve.” Bruce agreed. “But I wouldn’t call it simple. We have to figure out how to mash an entire planet into something small enough to call one unified mass. And how to make sure we don’t accidentally jumble up all the particles to create one big frankenstein stone.”

“Not that it would be a problem, if it still works.” Tony added. “You were an intern at the hadron collider for a while, right?” He asked Bruce. “You guys were always almost creating black holes from basically nothing. Don’t you have any contacts on molecular manipulation?”

“Well…” Bruce carefully continued. “Actually…yes…”

“Excellent! Who?”

“...Hank Pym.” 

Tony made a face. Then completely backpedaled. 

“Nope. No. Never. Not in a million years. Anyone else?”

“There’s no one else with his expertise, Tony. You know that.” Bruce answered. 

“He hates me.” Tony stated, matter-of-factly. 

“I think we’re past who-hates-who right now.” Bruce looked right at Steve.

Tony turned to Steve, who shrugged, then looked back at Bruce. Realizing he was outnumbered in opinion, he huffed out in annoyance. 

“Fine. But he’s been on the run for years. I doubt we’ll find him. And even if we do, I doubt he’ll talk to us.” 

“We have to try, Tony.” Bruce pleaded. “If you really think this will work, then we have to start putting this plan into action as soon as possible, in case the radiation from the stones has a shorter half-life than we predicted. It’s the only plan we have right now that makes sense schematically and is feasible in a short timespan. Should we meet up in San Francisco? That’s his last known location.” 

“Yeah...” Tony rubbed at his temples, like he did when something was worrying him. “I’ll be there by this afternoon. See you soon.” 

The call ended. Tony swiveled his chair around, and sighed.  

“I guess this is where we part ways, then.” Tony plainly stated.

“What?” Steve asked, his breath leaving him altogether. It was so sudden, after all this, why would they part ways now? “Tony, you can’t go all the way to San Francisco alone. Let me come with you.” 

“I’m fine.” Tony wouldn’t look at him. “I can go by myself. We’ll be back soon anyways, it’s not like Hank Pym will even speak to us, if he’s not already gone after Thanos….I’ll have Bruce keep you in the loop.”

“Do you want the shield back?” Steve blurted out. Tony looked at him, brows furrowed in confusion. It was silent for a beat before Tony spoke again. 

“What?” 

“The shield.” Steve repeated. “I don’t know why, but…you’ve been avoiding me since you gave it back.” He quickly got it all out, before Tony could argue. “If you don’t trust me with it, I completely understand. I’d rather give it back, Tony. We were getting along before. Now…” 

“That’s ridiculous.” Tony said. “It - that’s just absolutely not true. I don’t want the shield back. And it has nothing to do with me trusting you or not.”

“But you have been avoiding me?” Steve asked.

“This is so stupid.” Tony fired back. “I don’t have time for this. Why do you even care?” 

“I just want to know why!” Steve begged. “Why give it back to me if you don’t trust me with it?” 

“I’m not the one with a trust issue, Rogers.” Tony spat back. “Yes, I’ve had my fair share of fuck-ups, but I wasn’t the one keeping secrets. Up until the end. I told you, time and time again, that we, as a planet, were fucked and I needed help. You didn't believe, didn’t trust me until Thanos was already knocking on our front door. So don't go throwing around accusations about who-trusts-who when I'm not the one with the problem.”

“It’s not that I didn’t trust you, Tony! We couldn’t have known about what he would do-” Steve started but was quickly cut off.

“Don't deny it.” Tony continued. “After Ultron, it’s like you gave up on me, on ever trusting me as a colleague. Or as a friend. If you thought he was coming, or that Earth was in trouble, at any point in the time you were galavanting across Europe with your little buddies, you would've come to find me, no matter how bad things were between us. You’re the one who made me think things could be normal. That it was all in my head. That things would be okay on Earth. I was living my life, I was moving on! I was getting OVER y-” 

FRIDAY interjected.

“Boss…the Quinjet is ready.” 

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“I really don’t feel like talking about this right now.” 

They were standing across from each other. Only a few feet away, but the distance felt further than they’d ever been before. He thought they were getting better. That things between them might be okay again someday. Steve hadn’t realized just how much Tony had been keeping in. Just how wrong he’d been, about everything. 

“We should talk though.” Steve said, without much force. 

Tony ignored that.

“If you insist on coming, you can fly the Quinjet.” Tony plainly stated, and left for his room. Steve looked at the cold, abandoned lunch he’d spent all morning on. 

Things were finally moving in the right direction, right? They were finally forming a plan, things were in motion. As much as he wanted to fix things with Tony, this was too important a mission to delay. 

Steve followed suit, quickly prepping his go-bag. He decisively left the shield behind, propped up against the door of Tony’s bedroom. If Tony thought Steve's trust in him was broken, then there was no sense in taking back the weapon he’d once used to hurt him. He took one last look at it before heading for the landing pad. 

Tony strapped himself into the seat in the furthest part of the back of the jet. He tapped away on his tablet, muttering numbers to himself here and there, not acknowledging Steve as he boarded and finished up flight preparations. 

They were finally getting somewhere with this idea to rebuild the stones. Things were moving in the right direction. But everything felt so wrong. 

---

The ride there was awkward to say the least. Neither of them made any attempt to speak to the other. Steve kept his eyes on the horizon as he navigated. He didn’t dare look back at his passenger. 

Several agonizing hours later, he landed the jet at Fisherman’s wharf, where Bruce and Thor were already waiting for them. 

“He’s nowhere to be found.” Bruce informed them. Apparently they had arrived right after their call that morning, thanks to Thor’s ax, which harbored the power of the Bifrost too. They had used that time to try to look for Pym. “We found a diner open nearby. Let’s go there, I can tell you guys what we have so far.” 

They were the only ones in the unassuming restaurant, save for an elderly woman running the diner, who offered them hearty bread bowls filled to the brim with delicious seafood chowder from a large pot. Thor was still uncharacteristically mute and foreboding, staying near Bruce at all times. Bruce didn't seem to mind.

“The Asgardians told me everything they know about the stones.” Bruce began as they crowded into a booth in a tiny, dark corner of the restaurant. The power was out at the moment in this part of the city, as was the usual nowadays. With so many people gone, city infrastructure fell to the wayside more often than the essential need to deliver food and clean drinking water to people. Thankfully, it seemed the woman running the diner had a small generator going, but the sunlight was enough, and they didn’t want to bother her to ask for the lights to be turned on. 

“They knew about the stones?” Steve asked. 

“The Asgardians have been around for eons.” Bruce explained. “A few of them have been alive almost as long as all of recorded human history - their elders are literally thousands of years old. They have their theories about the stones, stories that have been told over generations.” 

Steve processed that information. It was jarring to think that Thor’s civilization had been around for so long, possibly before the Earth was even formed. But whether he could wrap his mind around it or not, it was true. Thor’s people were closer to knowing the origins of the stones than anyone else they would be able to find. 

“Apparently all the stones came to be in the same instance, at the beginning of time.” Bruce continued. “According to them, they were the remnants of singularities that existed before all creation, and were simultaneously formed and dispersed throughout the universe at the precise moment of what we would call the Big Bang. Some say they were created by entities that existed before the creation of our universe, out of necessity, in order to preserve their four main goals - entropy, infinity, eternity and death. 

“Infinity and eternity are the same thing.” Tony mumbled with his mouth full. Bruce rolled his eyes, ignoring the remark. 

“So if these beings were able to create the stones from essentially nothing, and if they were formed during the Big Bang, Tony might not be too far off in his idea to just smash them all together. We already have the building blocks. And we know that the only missing ingredient is the immense power to re-animate them and bring them back together.” He looked to Thor for confirmation.

“I believe it can be done.” Thor plainly answered. 

“He could feel the stones when we were on the Garden planet.” Bruce explained. “I think…if we give Thor the advantage of forcing the stones to occupy the same space, he may be able to concentrate his power on them - and reanimate them.” 

“Called it.” Tony cheered through another bite of chowder. Just then, the lights in the restaurant came back on. “Would you look at that. My genius illuminated the entire block.” Tony said as they watched the lights turn back on in the surrounding buildings. 

“The coffeemaker is back!” The old woman poked her head out from the kitchen. “Would any of you young men like an espresso? 

“Yes, please!” Tony called out. 

Steve almost told him that caffeine was probably a bad idea, given his condition. But he bit his lip, holding back any comment as the sweet old lady brought their coffees out, and Tony asked for the check. She declined, saying the meal was on the house.

“We don’t get many tourists these days.” She explained. “It warms the soul to see some visitors. Welcome to San Francisco.” 

“That was nice of her.” Tony glowed after taking his first sip of coffee in weeks. “Mm! This absolutely hits the spot! It’s been ages since I’ve had a good cup of joe.” 

“I don’t suppose you have any leads on where Dr. Pym might be, do you Bruce?” Steve asked.

“The docks right outside are where his suit was last seen just a few months ago - he grew to giant proportions, and wrecked part of the pier here.” Bruce pointed out the window. Steve remembered hearing about that day, it had been all over the international news stations. “It wasn’t very long before the Blip. And all the eyewitnesses I’ve been able to find say he wasn’t alone - there were others helping him. So if we can’t find him, maybe we can find one of his associates. The problem is, no one knows who his associates were. Their identities were unknown, and as far as we can tell, they were in hiding before the Blip too, so finding them now might be impossible.” 

“He wasn’t in the suit.” Steve said, glad to finally be able to contribute to the conversation. “Hank Pym. It’s his suit, but he wasn’t in it that day. I know who was in it.” 

“You mean your little criminal pest friend that tore up my suit from the inside-out, then turned into a giant pain in my ass, and had to be taken down like an AT-AT?” Tony scoffed, addressing him directly for the first time in hours. “Yes, please explain to Bruce who the hell that was.”

Notes:

Comments pleaseee 🤲🏽🤲🏽🤲🏽

Chapter 13: Hide and seek

Notes:

One more for today :)

Scott Lang. 

The only problem - he was nowhere to be found either. Steve knew where his home was, but clearly no one had been there in several weeks. The place stunk of rotting fruit and moldy bread, waiting on the countertops for a homeowner who had never returned. There were ants feasting on the forgotten food, but that wasn’t uncommon for homes left behind by the Dusted. 

Thor made himself comfortable on the roof, intently watching the sky as the rest of them looked all over the house for any clues as to where Hank Pym might be. They didn’t find anything - not the Antman suit, not an address or phone number - not a wallet or laptop or phone that may have been left behind. Wherever Scott had been Dusted, he must have been away from home at the time. 

“Well, he’s not here.” Tony stated the obvious after their long rummage, flopping down onto a chair in Scott’s dining room. He fiddled with a half-finished popsicle stick house in front of him, covered in dried up glue and pink glitter. “Looks like he had a kid.” 

“He was divorced.” Steve replied. “Maybe she lives with her mom.” 

“Hm.” Tony absent-mindedly started to build the house up, adding more popsicle sticks and cardboard to it. Steve could recognize his sadness. Though he hadn’t gotten to know him very well himself, he imagined it was the loss of Peter that was affecting Tony the most after the snap. Tony had always held a soft spot in his heart for kids. Back when they were the Avengers, Tony always preferred to attend the social events involving schools and children’s hospitals. Heck, he’d even started several scholarships and internships for kids looking to better their lives when they had no other means to do so. It was one of the many things Steve loved about him. 

“Back to the drawing board then.” Bruce announced. “Hank may still be out there, hiding. There must be some way of tracking him. He can’t be very far if he trusted this Scott guy with his suit. Hey, weren't there ants here before?" 

Steve and Bruce looked at the counter. It was completely free of insects, where there had been dozens just a few minutes before. 

"That’s odd. I wonder where they went so quickly." Steve pondered aloud, when Thor came in through the front door. 

"There is a child here to see us." Thor announced. He stepped out of the way, and a young girl, arms crossed, gave them a frightening glare. 

"Can we help you?" Steve asked, walking up to her. "Have you lost your parents? Do you need a place to stay?" He asked all the usual questions he'd asked of all the newly orphaned children they'd found over the last several weeks. 

"Why are you in my dad's house?" She asked back, completely ignoring his concerns. 

"We're looking for your dad, or his friend, Dr. Pym." Bruce came up behind him. "Do you know your dad's friend, Mister Hank Pym?"

"Antony says you're messing with his stuff." She countered. 

"Who?" Bruce asked, before she stepped to the side, revealing a giant, human-sized ant. He and Steve scrambled back, as the little girl fearlessly pet its oversized head. 

"G-get away from that!" Steve clamored out, but Thor started to pet the horrid creature too. 

"It is harmless." Thor deduced as Antony curiously inspected him with his antennae. 

Just then, Tony came out from the dining room, bringing the finished wooden toy house out to the young girl. He handed it over, and she took it, sat on the house steps, and began looking it over closely, remembering it. Tony let her reminisce a bit longer before slowly sitting on the front steps of the house, down to her level.

"I'm sorry we were touching your dad's things." He let her nod before continuing. "We were just looking for him. He's a friend of Captain America's. Do you know where he is?" He asked. She shook her head no, opening and closing the wooden door on her miniature house. 

"Mom said he was one of the disappeared people." She timidly offered. Tony didn't interrupt as she kept going. "But he's a superhero like you guys. So I think he's just out somewhere. Fighting bad guys. He'll come back. He always comes back." She explained. "He was gone for a long time before, but he came back." 

Tony sighed, swiping his hand over his face, before covering his mouth, holding back any emotion. 

"I think you're right." Tony agreed after a long pause. "He'll come back." 

"Tony-" Steve had seen this scene all too often in the last few weeks. He knew Tony was hurting, because this little girl in front of him was hurting, and he only wanted to make things better. As unbearable as it was though, it wasn't a good idea to give a child false hope.  Just as he was going to interject, a woman's voice rang out from down the street.

"Cassie!" She cried out, running towards them. Cassie stood in time to be swept up by her mom, who held her tightly in her arms. "Why would you just leave without telling anyone? You can't do that, you scared me half to death!" 

"Antony and the other ants came and got me. They wanted me to come see who was at dad's house." 

"You can't run off with Antony like that anymore, love. You have to tell us if Antony shows up so we can go with you." She swept Cassie’s hair out of her face before looking up, assessing everyone outside the home. "He's not here. He's…gone. Like the rest of them." 

"But the man said-" Cassie began, just as Tony stood up. 

"Tony Stark." Tony offered his hand to the nervous mother. She didn't take it, eyeing him suspiciously instead. 

"What did the man say?" She asked Cassie, instead.

"That dad would come back." She quietly finished, holding her popsicle house close to her chest. The woman took a deep breath, and let Cassie go. 

“Go play with Antony out back, sweetie. Mom is going to talk to these gentlemen.” She let Antony and Thor take her to the backyard, before angrily shoving a finger right into Tony’s chest. "You can't say things like that to a little girl." She whisper-yelled. “Where do you get off putting delusions into her head? I don’t know what the fuck you’re all doing here, but if you’re not here to help, you need to leave us the hell alone. She’s been through enough!”

“I’m sorry.” Steve stepped between her and a visibly shaken Tony. “We didn’t mean to cause any harm. We were just looking for any clues to help us find Hank Pym, Scott’s friend. We’re trying to right this wrong, but we need his help.” 

She seemed to consider him for a moment longer.

"Maggie." She introduced herself, still upset, but quickly composing herself. "And that's Cassie. Our daughter." She motioned to the girl, now giggling at Thor's impressive wrestling against Antony. "I'm sorry I can't help much though. We don’t know anything about the projects he was working on with the man.” 

“Anything would help.” Bruce insisted. “We need Dr. Pym in order to bring everyone back. But we have no clue where to start. Do you remember anything about that day, before the Blip? Or about where they would go to work on these projects?” 

“I’m not sure.” Maggie said. “I don’t think they would go very far. He would go meet with them in the morning on his free days. Sometimes he’d even come see Cassie right afterwards, so it had to have been in the city. They were working on helping someone, they were collecting some kind of particles or something.” She shook her head and sighed. “I’m sorry. That’s really all I know.”

“We understand.” Steve replied. She went to gather up Cassie and Antony, telling her it was time to go home. Before walking back, Cassie turned to tell them something. 

“Dad said they would go into a special portal.” She explained. “They built it in a van, a big one, so it could work from anywhere! The portal took them to another dimension, and they’d go in there to get food to feed their ghost friend. She couldn’t eat regular food like us. I think you should look for them in the van with the portal.” 

“Okay honey.” Maggie redirected her attention. “That’s enough. It’s getting late. Let’s see if Antony will come along.” 

“That helps a lot. Thank you.” Bruce called out, but Maggie didn’t look back as they walked home. 

They watched the small family disappear down the block. The sun was getting low in the sky, and all prospects of finding Hank seemed to be dwindling with the afternoon light. 

“Let’s go then.” Bruce broke the silence. 

“Where?” Steve asked.

“Somewhere nearby.” Bruce replied, looking something up on his phone. “If they were using a vehicle to go into another ‘dimension’, they either had a really powerful battery, which is unlikely, something with that much power wouldn’t fit in a regular van, unless they were using StarkTech, which Hank was too proud to use. Or they would need to hook up directly to a power source, which makes more sense, considering it seemed they wanted to be portable if they needed to get up and make a quick escape. I’ll bet if we run an ongoing scan of power surges from a nearby power station, we can find Hank next time he hooks up to the city’s electrical grid, if he’s still out working on this portal, that is.” 

“Great idea.” Steve nodded. “I think I saw one only a couple blocks South of here.” 

As Bruce and Thor made their way down the block, Steve turned to look for Tony - only to find him sitting on the steps of Scott’s house with a faraway look. 

He considered calling for Bruce to come back - it’s not like he and Tony were on the best of terms right now. But Bruce was engrossed in conversation with Thor and so he squared his shoulders and walked up to Tony, who looked smaller than ever, hunched in on himself. 

“Hey.” He gently prodded. “We’re heading out. Bruce thinks he has a lead.” He walked closer, so Tony could hear his soft voice. Tony didn’t reply. The closer he got, the more his ears could pick it up - Tony’s heartbeat was erratic. Terrified that he may be having another episode, he reached out and put his hand on Tony’s shoulder. “Are you okay?” 

The touch pulled Tony out of it. He jerked back, looking at Steve with wide eyes. 

“Shit.” He took a shaky break and suddenly stood up, wavering only a little, and shrugging Steve away when he tried to help him. “Fuck off. I’m fine.” 

Steve watched him follow the others, and wondered where it had all gone wrong. 

---

The moment they hooked up their sensors to the power station, all the readings on the laptop screen went haywire. 

“What in the world…” Bruce muttered. “Something is sucking up a huge portion of the city’s power supply right now.” He looked at Tony. “That must be him. We have to find where it’s coming from.” 

“Right now ?” Steve warily asked, not sure if Tony was up to the task at the moment. Thankfully, he was wrong. Tony took the laptop from Bruce, and quickly started typing away at the keyboard. He tapped at his chestplate, two quick knocks with his fingers, and the housing unit sent up nanoparticles, the Ironman suit surrounding him. He unhooked and removed the gauntlet from his right hand, and it flew up to the power lines above them, scanning them for something before grabbing on to one of the lines, sliding down the line back towards downtown. 

“Quick, follow the glove. Before we lose him.” Tony ordered, and they complied, racing after the flying appendage. 

It led back toward the bay, but instead of going towards the piers like they expected, it turned, towards the towering skyscrapers along the coast. Steve hoped it wasn’t just an overheated generator at one of the office buildings that was leading them on a wild goose chase. After a long pursuit, the glove let go of the power line, scanning a transformer on the street, before flying up to the top of an abandoned building. 

“That can’t be it.” Bruce panted, struggling after the run. The darkness of night was setting in, and no lights could be seen inside. “Doesn’t look like anyone’s been into this building in years.” 

“Whatever it is, it’s on the roof.” Tony flew up to the top of the building, retrieving his glove, and then quickly flew back down. “There’s a parking garage out back, and a van parked at the top, like the kid said. But there’s no one up there.” 

“Let's check it out anyways.” Bruce said, and in the next moment, Thor had taken him by the waist and launched them both up into the air, easily landing on the roof of the building. Steve looked to Tony, and nervously held out a hand. 

“Fine.” Tony scoffed as he grabbed Steve’s hand and flew him up too. When they reached the top, there was indeed a lone, unassuming, ugly brown van hooked up to a panel box on the side of the building, with the back doors wide open, dozens of wires spilling out, connected to a few machines, computers and sensors. It was like a small, makeshift lab had just been deserted mid-experiment. The back of the van had a machine that was glowing, a low and steady churning emerging from it, like it was struggling to stay on. It reminded Steve of the MRI machines SHIELD would have him lay in for hours at a time, what felt like a lifetime ago. 

“This must be what’s sucking up all the power from the grid.” Bruce carefully studied the instruments, one by one. 

“Maybe we just missed him.” Tony flew up into the air again, scanning their surroundings. “Or maybe the coward’s hiding somewhere right next to us!” He loudly goaded. No one answered. 

“I doubt it.” Bruce wiped some dust from a display screen. “Looks like this was set up weeks ago. It’s Hank’s alright, but this stuff hasn’t been touched in a long time.”

“So what?” Tony landed beside Bruce, looking over the equipment too. “It’s all just been running this whole time?” 

“Maybe he was Dusted in the middle of his experiment.” The dejection in Bruce’s voice was clear. “See? The log tracking the wattage input goes all the way back to the exact date of the snap. This would explain the higher than average rolling blackouts in the area. And if no one’s touched this since then, it’s likely that he and his associates were probably all Dusted. They wouldn’t just leave all this here for anyone to find.” 

An uneasy tension hung in the air. This was a dead end. 

Steve had been so sure that the events of the day would lead to something. They couldn’t give up now. 

“Let's grab his things.” His commanding voice cut through the stillness of the night. “Maybe you two can look through the notes we find here and piece something together.” Steve didn’t know Hank Pym, but if this man had been able to figure out whatever information they needed to move things along, he was sure Tony and Bruce could figure it out too.

“Maybe.” Bruce answered with a disheartened sigh. No one moved an inch. Things were looking bleak. But Steve, steadfastly, would not give up hope. He couldn’t. It was all he had left. He decided to start packing things up. They could load it all back into this van and drive it back to the Quinjet. Maybe take it back to the lab and find something of use. He awkwardly stepped up to the first machine, housing several complicated looking panels. He grabbed them all, about to throw them into the trunk, when his finger slipped and hit a switch. Just then, the machine behind the van started to vibrate, the slow hum turning into a deafening whir, starting up like a jet engine. 

“What did you do?” Bruce yelled through the noise. 

“I don’t know!” Steve fumbled with the panels, pressing the dozens of switches and buttons in his hands, hoping one of them was the off button, when bright lights started to glow from the energized machine, and finally it spat something out. A person. 

Scott Lang.

Chapter 14: Night

Notes:

Sorry this chapter will be very sad!!!!!!!!!! :)

It'll get better eventually I promise

They all stared at him, still in his Antman suit, laying face-down on the floor, after having seemingly appeared from thin air. The machine behind the van died down, then shut off completely. In response, the street lights turned on all around them, and they could hear power returning to neighborhoods nearby. 

“Finally!” Scott’s muffled voice could be heard as he pushed himself off the ground. “I thought my headset was broken. You guys got me. Ha-ha. Very funny-” He abruptly stopped once he got to his feet. He took off his Antman mask. “Why is it dark out already? Wait, you guys aren’t Hank.” 

“Scott?” Steve asked, and Scott looked at him with delighted recognition. Steve could hear Tony mumble a ‘oh thank fuck’ under his breath. 

“Hey Cap!” His excited voice rang out among the thick tension. “And hey! You’re with Ironman again! Well, not with with him. I mean like, glad to see you guys are back together. Working together. Hey, are we in trouble or something?” The man was talking a mile a minute, and the rest of them couldn’t gather their thoughts quickly enough to keep up. “We’re not doing anything bad! I promise, we’re just collecting Pym particles for a friend. I know that sounds like drugs but it’s not, I swear. You can ask Hank. It’s all…well, it’s all sort of off-the record. But not for any nefarious reason. I mean, I know this all looks suspicious, what with the unmarked van in the middle of nowhere but-”

“Scott.” Steve stopped him. He pinched the bridge of his nose before asking, “Where have you been? Your family’s worried sick! Is Hank in the van with you?” 

“He’s not out here with you guys?” Scott asked, just as confused. “He was out here a minute ago. I just heard him on my mic. He stopped responding though so…Wait, was I supposed to pick up Cassie from school today? Oh my god I’m so sorry for worrying everyone, I can’t believe they would send all the best Avengers to look for me, it’s such an honor. But I swear it was morning just a second ago and-” 

“Where were you just now?” Bruce asked. “Were you in the van? Were you micro-sized?” 

Scott eyed Tony before answering. 

“Um. Not that I don’t want to answer but...Hank’s told me that if I ever tell his secrets in front of Stark he’d have my hide and I don’t exactly want to be ant-meat, so-”

“You little shit-” Tony started charging at him, but Steve held him back. Something was seriously wrong here, and they needed to figure out what. 

“It’s fine.” Steve pointedly said in Tony’s direction, and Tony huffed in annoyance in response. “Please, Scott. There are no sides right now. We could really use Hank’s help if you could just tell us where he might be. We need his help to fix what Thanos did.” 

“Who’s Thanos?” Scott casually asked, as if they were introducing him to a new friend. 

Steve really thought he’d seen it all in the last few weeks. He’d seen death, destruction, mayhem, unspeakable horrors. But he never in his wildest dreams thought he’d have to face this - recounting Thanos’ atrocities to seemingly the only person in the entire universe who somehow hadn’t been around to experience it. 

---

Apparently, Bruce informed them, being the size of a subatomic particle could distort the passage of time. Scott had been reduced to a size so small, right before the snap, that he’d entered something Hank’s notes called the “Quantum Realm” - a place where the laws of physics seemed to fly out the window. To Scott, only a few dozen seconds had passed since the Snap - since Hank and his other friends had been Dusted. That much was certain now. As Steve explained everything - the battle, the snap, the aftermath - Scott went pale. 

“You see, that’s why we needed Hank.” Steve explained. “But it seems he was probably Dusted along with the others…” 

“Is Cassie okay?” Scott frantically asked. “My daughter, was she-”

“She’s okay.” Bruce supplied, and Scott breathed a sigh of relief. “So is her mother. But Scott, we really need Hank’s notes, specifically the ones on molecular manipulation. Anything you think you can get us. And your help. You’re the only one still here that’s seen him working with the Pym Particles, and from what we have so far, I think we need those. The only way to bring him and everyone else back is to find a way to get the stones that Thanos destroyed, and they’re just atoms right now.”

“Okay.” Scott ran a hand through his wild hair. “But first, can I go see Cassie? If it’s really been over a month…”

“Of course.” Steve agreed.

It didn’t take them long to get the van packed up and back to the suburbs. Steve’s heart clenched and his tongue got stuck in his throat at the scream Maggie let out when she saw Scott. Cassie jumped into his arms in delight. After all the terrible things they’d seen in the last month, this was a small, but much needed victory. 

They stood awkwardly around the crying, reunited family. They couldn’t possibly take Scott with them tonight. 

“We need Scott’s help.” Steve explained to the overjoyed household. “But we’ll come back for him in the morning.” 

“Thank you.” Maggie agreed through a tearful smile. Cassie wiggled her way out of her father’s arms, and ran up to Tony. 

“I knew you’d bring him back.” She proclaimed up at him, and hugged his torso. Tony blinked down at her, when Maggie came up to him too. 

“Look, about earlier. I’m sorry-” he began apologizing to her, but Maggie just shook her head, clutching him in a fierce hug as well. She let out a wet laugh when Scott tackled all three of them, joining in on the group hug. 

“Aww. Everybody get in here!” Scott chuckled. Bruce happily agreed. Even through dark, heavy bags under his eyes, Thor managed a genuine smile, and brought Antony over to join the bunch. Steve, reluctantly, threw his wide arms over everyone, and in the center of it all, he could feel Tony tensing up under the mountain of love. He chuckled and hurried them all off of him, under the guise of needing to leave the family to their reunion, and finding a place to rest. 

They walked into a hotel near the pier where they’d parked the Quinjet. They’d stay the night, and head back to the compound first thing in the morning. Right now though, it was very late, and everyone was bone-weary from the long, exhausting day. When they got to the front desk, there was a thin, feeble woman behind the counter, looking through the lost and found boxes. She was wearing a nightgown and robe, her hair tied up in a messy bun. Tony, striding up to the desk, confidently pulled his wallet out, producing a sleek black credit card. 

“Could we get four rooms, please?” Tony asked. 

“Um.” The woman looked at them with wide, perplexed eyes, then motioned to the counter. “There’s spare keys back here. The rooms are listed in order by floor. Anything without a key is taken already.” 

“Thank you.” Steve replied. He and Bruce went behind the counter to grab some keys. Tony, still holding his credit card in his hand, was staring at everyone around him in confusion as the lady, seemingly finding what she was looking for - a phone charger - headed back towards the stairs, leaving them alone in the lobby. 

Bruce grabbed one key for him and Thor - on the top floor - likely hoping it was a suite. Steve didn’t mention it. He figured Bruce may be keeping an eye on Thor at night as well, which was well warranted in his current delicate state of mind. 

Steve found two rooms next to each other only one floor up. He didn’t want Tony climbing too many stairs in his condition, and he felt it might be best to stay near Tony, even if he didn't want it. He'd need to make sure Tony would be okay overnight too. He grabbed their bags and they all headed for the stairs. 

“Where is everyone going?” Tony asked. “Don’t we have to pay?” 

“Oh.” Steve forgot. Tony hadn’t been around much after the Snap. “No. I mean, no one’s really…keeping tabs on that kind of stuff right now.” 

“What do you mean keeping tabs? ” Tony, growing more irritated by the second, asked. “Doesn’t she need to get paid for her work?”

“I don’t think she works here.” Bruce explained. “She’s probably just spending the night.” 

“She was behind the desk.” Tony reasoned. Steve put down their bags. 

“Sorry, Tony. We should have explained things earlier.” Steve began. “A lot of survivors just…aren’t going to work right now. After…everything. So, people are making do. They fill in roles where they’re needed, and some people, who maybe didn’t have a home before, are finding a home where they can.” 

"So, what? Money's just not a thing anymore? Don't people need to pay rent? Pay for groceries?" 

"I don't know, Tony." Steve said. "I guess some people might be using money. But no one's really thought that far ahead yet. Everyone's just trying their best to keep things going." 

"Isn't the government doing something about it? Is there a mortgage moratorium in place? Are people getting stipends for losing their streams of income?" 

"The government isn't really...a thing right now." 

"What the hell does that mean?" Tony shook his head in frustration. 

"Most people in government are either Dusted or they left to be with whatever family they have left. Any politicians still around abandoned their posts, so there’s not really any authority to tell people what to do, not that anyone would be in a position to listen right now anyways." Steve sighed. "I'm sorry Tony. Like I said, everyone's just trying their best. I don't have all the answers, but anyone who can help is helping." 

"We should get some sleep." Bruce interjected. "We'll need our rest." 

Tony, clearly annoyed, grabbed his bag and key from Steve and bounded towards the elevators. 

"Um, Tony you shouldn't-" Steve started. 

"WHAT?" Tony shouted, turning to face him. "What the fuck am I getting wrong now!?" 

That stung. Steve hated seeing Tony like this. Of course Tony always wanted to be in the know. He was a man of action, a beacon towards the future. He couldn't possibly be comfortable with all the drastic changes that had happened over the last month without him there. But still-

"Sorry, it's just…with the rolling blackouts. It's best not to use elevators right now, unless you really need to." 

Tony wordlessly picked his bag back up, shoved past Steve, and stomped up the stairs. Steve followed, nodding at Bruce and Thor when they parted ways at the second floor. The walk to their rooms was dreadfully long, Tony's angry steps echoing through the empty hall. When they finally reached their rooms, Tony marched into his, slamming the door behind him. Steve sighed. These times were hard on everyone. Even if they were moving in the right direction, he couldn’t blame Tony for being upset. Upset with him, upset with himself, upset with the entire situation. 

He made his way into his own room, and barely had time to put down his bag when he heard a heavy thud next door, followed by the clattering of something falling, and glass breaking. He stopped, listening closely, and could hear ragged, shallow breaths. Something was wrong with Tony. 

He ran back out into the hallway.

"Tony?" He asked. No answer. "Tony?" He asked, a little louder, knocking this time, and with a little more panic in his voice. He waited a reasonable amount of time (maybe a couple seconds) but with no response, he put his ear to the door, and could hear running water, and the rapid, unsteady beating of Tony's heart. He didn't wait any longer. He turned the doorknob, and when he found it locked, he jammed it to the left, breaking the lock altogether. When he walked into the dimly lit room, the scene made his stomach drop. 

It was something he'd seen hundreds of times before. He'd gotten used to recognizing the signs. A half empty baby bottle on the bed, with moldy, curdled milk inside. One phone laying next to it, completely dead. Another phone still plugged into the charger on the nightstand, full of unread messages and missed phone calls. A sink, left running, an abandoned toothbrush dropped inside. 

Their luggage and clothing, laid out for the day on the bed, painted a clear picture. A pretty yellow dress, the color of the sun on a warm spring day. It matched perfectly with the onesie next to it -  flowery, fresh and clean for their day out. A printed shirt read "Dad Bod" in the suitcase on the sofa. A big stroller, packed with snacks and diapers and toys, the powerful scent of an open bottle of sunscreen and an umbrella in the back pouch, to keep the sun out of a baby’s face. A young couple, first time parents, taking their newborn child out into the city. An image frozen in time - the day the Snap changed the world. If anything, they were lucky to have all been Dusted together. 

And on the floor, next to a broken lamp, sat Tony, curled up into himself, shivering, hiding from it all. 

Steve moved quickly. He flung Tony's overnight bag over his shoulder, and put his arms around the man, slowly and gently enough that he would feel him, and move away if he wanted. But when Tony didn't respond, he pulled him up, carrying him back into his own room. He dropped the bag on the floor and set Tony down on his own bed. 

Steve wanted to give him space, knowing that he wasn't someone who could bring Tony comfort. But Pepper and Rhodes were half a continent away and Tony's eyes were red and out of focus - he didn’t seem to hear him, reasoning with him wouldn’t work right now. At the expense of his own ego, he climbed into the bed with him, pulling Tony close to his chest, exaggerating his breaths, deep and slow, one arm holding Tony close, the other rubbed at his back, hoping the gentle touches would pull him out of this state of shock. 

And they did. But not in a good way. Tony suddenly tensed in his hold, but before Steve could say or do anything else, Tony gripped his shirt, pulling into it, shoving himself deeper into Steve’s chest, and let out a wounded whine, painful and heartbreaking. The closeness gave Tony permission to let go, so he did. The man started to shake as he cried out, screamed, hiccupped between sobs, into Steve. Each agonizing wail echoed against the walls, an all-consuming reminder of just how deeply they had failed everyone. 

You’re okay, It’s alright, Don’t worry, things will get better soon - None of those things were true, so Steve didn’t say any of them. Instead, he whispered - low enough that Tony didn’t hear him at first through his wrecking breakdown. 

“I’m here. I’m right here.” Steve chanted. He didn’t even know why he was saying it. It probably wouldn’t bring Tony any peace, or comfort. But it was the only truth he could say. He couldn’t promise that Tony would be fine, couldn’t promise that they would fix this, but he could be here - through all of it. “I’m here, Tony.” 

It took a long time, but Tony’s sobs turned to whimpers, and he released his grip on Steve’s shirt just enough that the collar wasn’t cutting into his neck anymore. Steve pulled over a box of tissues from the nightstand and offered one to Tony. When Tony took one, wiping his eyes and blowing his nose - he took a water bottle from the stand and gave him that too. Tony sat upright on his own, taking a few sips, but never pulled away from Steve’s hold. After he finished his drink, they sat there, in silence, for a long time. He let Tony process his thoughts, get everything sorted in his mind. It must have been a whirlwind in there. 

When Tony let out a heavy sigh, Steve couldn’t help it. He pulled him close again, hooking his chin over the other’s head, and Tony easily followed, leaning against him. Tony’s forehead was rubbing against Steve's chin. He tried to tilt his head up, so Tony wouldn't get the rough end of his beard, but Tony didn't give him the space, huddling in closer. 

“I’m sorry.” Steve broke the silence. “I should have checked the room before letting you go in there. You can spend the night here. I’ll look for another room and move my things-” 

“Can we find out who they were?” Tony interrupted. 

“Sure.” Steve said. “I can do that.” 

“Their families…or their friends…someone must know them and must be looking. We should…tell them. Help them somehow. I don’t know how…I just, I want to help.” Tony started to well up again, but Steve let himself run a hand through his hair, stroking his short, wavy locks, running fingers against his scalp, trying to stop the doom spiral. He knew, from watching him with Pepper, with Rhodey, with others, that physical touch might help Tony. In that moment, it seemed to work. 

“You can help. By focusing on the big picture." Steve tried to be as gentle as possible, but Tony needed to hear it. "I know it's hard to see the reality of this, but there's only so much you or I can do for this family without losing sight of-" 

“If I hadn’t let the wizard give him the stone.” Tony cried. “It should’ve been me. He should’ve just let Thanos kill me. None of this would’ve happened. He didn’t need to give him that stone, it was an idiotic move and now everyone’s gone because of me.”

“Tony. You know we don’t trade-”

“Trade lives. I know. But look what I’ve caused Steve, I can’t-”

“And then if you’d given your life for the stone?” Steve stopped him. “Then what? Thanos would’ve just tortured the wizard until he gave him the stone. Would’ve killed Peter. Would’ve killed Nebula. Would’ve taken all of Earth - -maybe even more, hostage, until he got the stone. There was no stopping him at that point. He would’ve killed anyone to get what he wanted.” Steve needed to redirect him. Tony’s tears were streaming down his face. Steve pulled him close again. It felt selfish, to have Tony in his arms like this, while the reality of the situation was so agonizing. Tony didn’t answer.

"You said the wizard spared your life." Steve spoke into Tony's soft hair, immensely grateful to this magician he'd never met. "He must've known something about all this that we didn't. He must've known that Thanos would have gotten all the stones anyways, somehow. That fixing all of this relied on you. And you're doing it. This plan, your plan, it must work. He wouldn't have traded you for the stone if he didn't believe you were the key to all this.”

Tony's shoulders slumped.

"Can you find out anyways?" Tony asked. "Who that family was next door? Please?" 

"I will." Steve promised. Steve could practically feel his mind racing. Tony was always ten steps ahead of everyone else. Planning. Fixing. He already knew that Tony would take this family's loss personally somehow, and would try to shove the responsibility of their loss onto his already overflowing plate. Would try to shoulder the weight of everyone's problems if he could, and he would never be able to manage. 

Tony was still for a while, so long that Steve wondered if he'd fallen asleep, but eventually he nodded and let out a low "okay" before sitting back, looking at Steve in the eyes for the first time that night. 

"Why are you crying?" Tony asked. Steve wiped the tears off his cheeks, he hadn't realized he'd been crying too. 

"I don't know." A flustered chuckle escaping him. 

"Your shirt." Tony winced. It was all wet from their tears. 

"It's okay." Steve pulled it off. Tony looked away. Embarrassed, Steve started to get up, he should leave Tony to it for the night anyways, but Tony quickly turned back. 

“Where are you going?” He asked, panic in his voice. 

“I thought-” Steve scratched the back of his head, “I thought I’d go find another room. You should get some rest.”

“Can you stay?” Tony asked in the smallest voice. Steve looked at the bed. It was large and inviting, as tired as he was. And Tony. He’d made himself so small, scooting to one edge of the mattress, looking like he was terrified of losing one more person. “Please? I know it’s weird. I’m not… I’m not coming on to you or anything. I just need…” He trailed off, not sure of what to say. Steve didn’t hesitate, he didn’t need to hear Tony’s reasoning.

"Of course." He answered as he locked the door and turned out the lights, trying to keep his cool, trying not to make it a big deal. "I don't like to be alone lately either." He offered, as if it was his idea, to make Tony feel more at ease. He climbed back into the bed, scooting all the way to the edge of his side, so Tony would see that he had all the space he’d need. Tony didn’t get any closer, but he didn’t turn away either. They laid there, in the darkness, Steve knew Tony couldn’t see him, but his enhanced vision made Tony’s outline and features clear as day for him. Tony wasn’t sleeping. His brow was furrowed, still thinking, probably still trying to work through the events of the day. He wished he could help him quiet his mind. 

“Could you tell me about what happened?” Tony suddenly asked, almost making Steve jump. “After the Snap, after Thanos?”

“You mean after the battle?” Steve said. “There wasn’t a lot after that. He disappeared into a portal - with help from the space stone, we think - I figure he went straight to the Garden planet and then he was gone. The portal closed and we couldn’t follow.” 

“No, I don’t mean the battle.” Tony corrected. “I mean…like on Earth. With life in general. Could you tell me about all the everyday stuff?” 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea...” Steve hesitated, thinking back to it all. It was the worst time of his life so far, and that was saying something. 

“Look, I'm not trying to punish myself for losing if that’s what you're thinking. I just don’t want to be caught off guard by every little thing anymore. Every time I find something out that I hadn’t considered before - it’s like it’s happening all over again. I want to know how things are now. What the new normal is. If anything even is normal anymore. I don’t want you to hold back. I need to hear everything.” Tony kicked off his shoes and shuffled a bit, to get under the sheets. Steve could feel the heat of his body radiating towards him, now that they were both under the covers. It was nice, he would try to cherish this feeling, even if the circumstances weren't ideal. 

And Steve could understand his logic. Maybe it would help to tell Tony everything. He certainly didn’t want him to have any more panic attacks. So he did. He explained every little detail he could think of. How quickly everyone went into survival mode - how hard it was for the everyday person to take on the responsibility of finding Dusted friends and neighbors, having to suddenly care for the small and the weak who were left behind. He told Tony how some people thought it was the Rapture, and told him about the cults that formed as quickly as they died out - not able to survive off of members who were too despaired to even fall for the brainwashing. How so many people had tried to reach friends and family so suddenly, that the phone lines were down for weeks. How banks and businesses and entire governments collapsed overnight. How violent and misguided the riots were the first few nights. 

He told him how Rhodes had been the one to tell the world about what had happened. Steve had tried to insist on being the one to break the news, but Rhodes still wasn’t sure who’d been Dusted at that time, and didn’t want to risk revealing Steve’s location. It wouldn't matter in the end, but Steve would always be grateful to Rhodes for that. He wasn’t sure if he would have been able to form the words, even still running off the adrenaline from the battle. Rhodey’s message was broadcast on all channels, all radio stations, around the world, for several days, round the clock. He could still hear the man’s words ringing in his head if he thought back to it - “Check on your loved ones, check on your neighbors, check on strangers, we need every person to act.”

He told Tony about the first home he'd checked. It had been very similar to tonight's find. The remaining Wakandan soldiers took charge of identifying their own Dusted citizens, so he, Natasha, and a translator were quickly sent to a neighboring city in the country across the border to the North. That’s where they would start search and rescue. 

He recalled thinking, for only a moment, that it was a beautiful place. Full of lush trees, small colorful houses on the hills, cool, lively springs as far as the eye could see on their helicopter ride in. They found a distraught people, unsure of what to do. The translator relayed Rhodey’s message to them. Steve heard small, wailing cries from a house nearby. He’d knocked, no answer. He jammed the door open. He’d only found a small baby girl on the floor. Her diaper was full. No parents. Dinner was cold, abandoned on the small, homey table.  When he handed the baby off to a villager outside, they quickly understood the implications, and started to take action to find others like her.

He told him how after Survival mode - after everyone had done all they could in the immediate aftermath, there was nothing left to do but continue in mourning, and that was the hardest part. Trying to continue, trying to live. 

Not a lot had been figured out yet for the long term. No one wanted to believe that this would be the reality from now on. That all those people were gone forever. No one bothered to bring their kids back to school, the tickers at Wall Street were abandoned, most flights were delayed indefinitely or canceled altogether. 

As he went on, Tony would ask questions here and there, as they came to him. What about fuel? How were people getting their medicine? Who was taking care of newly orphaned kids? Sometimes Steve didn’t have the answers, but Tony appreciated that they were at least working through those questions. 

Steve tried to stress that it wasn’t all bad - as horrible as that sounded. 

“People have stepped up.” Steve said into the darkness. Being like this, close to Tony, he’d dreamed of it for ages. He never thought he would have it, especially not like this, huddled together, two broken hearts in shattered defeat. But as their whispers mingled together, the sorrows of the world reduced to their small bubble in this queen sized hotel bed, Steve couldn’t imagine being brought back to Tony any other way. “The only reason the world is still turning is thanks to the strength and help of everyday people. That’s the thing Thanos got wrong. There was always enough to go around. That was never the problem. The problem was compassion. We needed more of it, from those who had the most to give. Now, it’s too late for them. Compassion has become the most important commodity overnight. Thankfully, it’s not so rare anymore. Most people seem to understand that it’s the only way we can move forward.”

“I was one of those people.” Tony whispered, sadly, into the void. “I didn’t give enough. I could’ve done more with my money, with my power-”

“Don’t kid yourself, Stark.” Steve reached out, finding Tony’s hand, and held it. He wanted Tony to know he meant this. “You've always been the most giving person I've known. You’ve given so much, to so many, even me. You gave me a family, and a home.” He squeezed Tony’s hand, and Tony squeezed back. “Thanos knew your name. Why should he have known who you were, among all the trillions of beings in the universe he’s tried to destroy? You’re special Tony. He knew so. You're smart, you’re powerful, you’re as unstoppable as he is. He was hoping your pain and your rationality would make you give up, give in to his twisted plan. But he wasn’t planning on you being compassionate. He was afraid of you. He should be afraid of you. He knows you’re the only one who could stop him.”

“But what if I can’t?” Tony pleaded. “I don’t know anything about universe altering stones or ancient myths or any of this crap. There’s apparently much more advanced civilizations out there - with technology light years ahead of anything I could ever imagine - already traveling through galaxies like they're on a road trip across the Midwest. How could I even compare? What if all this magic and space shit is just too much for me?” 

“Magic is just science that hasn’t been solved yet.” Steve’s eyes were getting heavy, but he pushed through his fatigue. It was so late after their long talk, that the night was fading away, and the morning sun would come out soon, but it would be worth it, to help Tony. “You made me believe that. You can do it. We can do it. Together. I promise.” 

Steve had told himself he shouldn’t dole out promises he wasn’t sure he could keep. Especially not to Tony. But he truly believed it. He knew they could do this. Tony didn’t say anything else. He stroked the back of Tony’s hand with his thumb until he could hear the other man’s breathing even out, slow and shallow, finally asleep. He let his eyes fall shut too, and quickly followed suit.

Chapter 15: Day

Notes:

Here you go 🎁 another chapter, almost halfway there!

Warmth. Love. Laughter. Steve’s ears were filled with the sound of Tony’s deep, rich voice, hearty chuckles that he hadn’t heard in years. Why was Tony laughing? Steve didn’t know, but he didn’t worry about it so much, he only moved closer to it. 

Bright yellow - the sun. It shined on Tony’s face. It was magnificent, full again, no scars, no pain, like before. Before what? It didn’t matter. 

Tony was against him, soft caresses, skin to skin, silky smooth like he’d always imagined. He was warm, like the shining beacon of light above them. He was loved - and it was certain. 

There was no doubt, no suffering, no yearning in this place. Only warmth, and love and laughter. 

Then there was a waterfall. Waves appeared, crashing through everything. 

 

And Steve awoke. His bladder was telling him it was well past time to get up. But he was so comfortable. The pleasant sensations of his dream followed him here. He was warm. He was happy. Why should he have to get up? 

Then something shifted next to him. It let out a tiny snore. 

Oh, right. Thanos. Bucky and Sam were gone. The plan. Scott Lang. Tony, here, next to him, after a difficult night. He needed to get a start on the day. He opened his eyes, straining against the light from the windows, flowing in around the curtains. He sat up to look at the time on his phone. 12:16pm. 

“Shit.” He pulled the covers off himself to get up, when Tony whined, reaching out to him, and catching his thigh. Steve froze. 

He couldn’t help but think to how many times he’d wished for this to happen. For Tony to wake up next to him. His hand, exactly where it lay now, but under very different circumstances. Pretty, long eyelashes draped under his eyes, squeezing shut so adorably. The morning light kissing his cheeks. Messy hair tossed around a pillow, for only Steve to see. 

Steve had contemplated saying something these last few weeks. He’d felt this way about Tony for so long now. For years. He’d never have brought it up before - they continuously had so much more on their plates than they could handle. Nonetheless, it was a thought that crossed his mind often nowadays. 

Bucky and Sam would've gotten a kick out of the whole situation. They were aware of Steve's feelings for the other man, and Steve thought to himself that he really should've listened to them more when they were around. He could almost hear Sam’s lighthearted voice telling him he should quit being a wuss and just say something already. He could almost feel Bucky punch his shoulder, how he always would when they were young, a silent promise that things would be fine. And that just made him miss them both terribly. 

But telling Tony how he felt would be selfish. They had an important mission to complete, and on top of that, he didn't deserve to see Tony like this. He didn’t deserve to be happy when the rest of the world was inconsolable. The pleasant reprieve of his dream just moments ago was quickly squashed, tamped down by the harsh weight of reality. 

Tony, ever the contrarian, let out a contented sigh. 

Steve’s hand moved of its own accord. He swiped a lock of hair off Tony’s brow. If he never got to see Tony like this again, he wanted to remember every ounce of it. Wanted to appreciate Tony’s beauty in this peaceful, unguarded state. 

His own body betraying him, the touch woke Tony up, and the warm hand on his thigh left him. Tony squinted his eyes open, and Steve awkwardly jerked his own hand back. 

“Mm?” Tony croaked out. “Whad’ya say?” 

“It’s late.” Steve whispered. The careful volume of his voice reminded him of their intimate conversation from last night, but it wasn’t the same anymore, here in the light of day. “We were supposed to meet Scott hours ago. I’m just getting up. I’m gonna start getting ready.” 

“Five more minutes.” Tony mumbled, and threw the covers over his head. It was endearing. Steve wanted to curl around him, lay in bed all day with him, but it wasn’t his place. Last night had been a fluke - Steve was the only one around to help Tony. And once they got back home, Tony would forget all about this, and Steve would be left with only the memory. So he went about his business getting freshened up. He got their things ready, and sat out on the balcony, letting Tony sleep in another ten or fifteen minutes before he heard the man get up and pad into the bathroom. 

Before they left, he stopped by the room next door. He found their wallets, taking note of the parent’s names and where they were from. He even found a tiny book in the stroller - a short tale about a bear in a forest - and scribbled on the first page, he found it was dedicated to Hope, from Nana and Pop. Maybe it was the baby's name, maybe it was a message from the universe. He said a quick prayer for them, as he'd done countless times before for the Dusted, then met up with Tony again in the hallway. 

---

“I’m glad you two finally got some rest.” Bruce grinned through his cup of tea at the pair when they eventually showed up at Maggie’s door. 

“Sorry we’re late.” Steve didn’t offer any further explanation. He hoped Tony wouldn’t be set off by Bruce’s teasing. But Tony wasn’t even phased by it. In fact, he was already on the other side of the room, smiling down at Cassie and Thor, both sprawled out on the floor, Scott bringing in piles of DVD's from another room, showing them Cassie’s horror movie collection. 

Tony had been pretty easy going all day, in fact. He’d let Steve carry their bags downstairs, offered up his hand up for Steve to help him step into the van, he’d even made light small talk on their way here. Steve didn’t dare question it. He was just happy that Tony seemed to be in much better spirits today. 

“No need to apologize.” A deep voice replied. A tall man poked his head out from the kitchen, wearing a flowery apron, holding a pink silicone spatula. Maggie’s new husband - Jim. “We’re just glad to be able to spend some more time with Scotty today.” 

He didn’t seem upset about her ex-husband’s intrusion. In fact, he was delighted to see him - joining in the family’s frequent hugs and kisses, all glad to be together again. Steve wondered what it was like to be so in love with someone that you didn’t mind their past - even when he was right in front of you, in your own house. Then he remembered Pepper. He’d never felt any anger or animosity toward her. Only shared love and admiration for Tony. It couldn’t be so hard after all. 

After introductions, they were offered breakfast - lunch to be more precise - and they all took their time, reminiscing together, talking about small things. How the community was doing. How Jim was now working with local farmers, harvesting crops, and driving them out to food distribution centers nearby as needed in his spare time. How Maggie and Cassie would go down to the women’s shelter and work daytime shifts taking care of infants and toddlers - all the children from their town which didn’t have any family left to go to. They had clearly caught Scott up on everything last night too. The conversation was easygoing, and a much needed break from the nonstop work and desperate brainstorming over the last couple weeks. 

Tony even sat next to Steve. He smiled when Steve passed him the butter for his bread roll. Steve relished in the warmth of the other man's thigh pressed against his, as they sat around the too-small dining room table, having pulled over random chairs from around the house, it was clearly not meant to seat eight people. But it was cozy and almost felt like things could be normal again someday. 

Eventually, though, it was time to head home. Steve let them linger over their goodbyes. Nobody wanted to be the one to break the family hug. They only finally let him go when Scott promised he’d be safe - he was going to be with the Avengers, after all. The irony, Steve thought. The Avengers had been the ones to let this atrocity happen in the first place. But Scott would be safe. They’d protect him at all costs - he was the only one of them with family left to go back to. 

Bruce and Thor joined them on the flight back. Now that they had a steady plan forming, they would need to start drawing up blueprints and building equipment, and it would need to be all hands on deck if they wanted to get it done quickly. 

Steve flew them back, never minding being the pilot. He heard the others spend the idle time talking over the basics of the Pym Particles, and though Scott was familiar with them, he wasn’t entirely sure about the process of creating them from the micro-particles he would mine in the Quantum Realm. 

It turned out that the friend Scott was trying to help out - Ghost, an odd name - was snapped as well. The Pym Particles he had leftover served no purpose to him anymore. He brought them along, hoping they could serve Tony and Bruce some use. 

It all sounded complicated, so Steve let the hum of the jet engines drown out their conversation. It was while they were flying over Lake Michigan - always a nice view, it meant they were getting close to home - that Tony joined him in the cockpit, plopping down in the co-pilot’s chair. He didn’t say anything, didn’t necessarily seem to want anything. He was just enjoying the view. Steve had to focus on the flight path ahead of him, but he found his eyes kept wandering over to Tony. 

He looked distant. He was probably thinking about the schematics of the plan - away from the rest of the group. Sometimes he could see things that others couldn’t - that’s where his genius would show. So Steve gave him the quiet space he needed to hash things out in his mind. He watched the glimmering waves reflecting off the lakes. It was like Mother Nature didn’t know, or care, that half her residents were gone. It was when they had passed up the last of the Great lakes, that Tony spoke up. 

“It’s nice that they got him back.” 

Steve was thinking the same thing about Tony.   

“Yeah. I couldn’t imagine a better surprise.” He agreed. 

“I shouldn’t have said what I did to Cassie. It was stupid. I know that now.” Tony said. 

“It’s hard talking to kids.” Steve tried to ease his guilt. “They have so much hope, so much more than the rest of us. But it worked out in the end, so it’s okay.” 

Tony was frowning, but he nodded.

“I’m sorry I was mad at you the last few days.” He said. Steve hadn’t expected for them to have this conversation, not today, not right now, as he was getting ready to prepare for his descent over upstate New York. 

“I’m sure I deserved it.” Steve answered earnestly. He had a habit of messing things up with Tony without knowing it. 

“You didn’t. I was being an ass. You were just trying to take care of me and I’d thought - I don’t know. Anyways. It was stupid. You didn’t deserve it. And I’m sorry.” Tony fiddled with his hands, like he always did when he was nervous. 

“Like I said, it worked out in the end, so it’s okay, right?” Steve flipped a switch above him. “I’m about to circle around to the runway. Wanna watch my six while I bring her down? I don’t have a great history with landings." 

Tony chuckled and strapped himself into the seat. They would be okay.

Notes:

Comments make me edit faster 🏃🏽‍♂️🏃🏾‍♀️💨

Chapter 16: The Plan

Natasha was already back at the compound when they arrived. 

And she’d brought Clint with her.

“He’s not ready to see anyone yet.” She explained when he wasn’t at the helipad to greet them. It made sense. From the little information she felt comfortable sharing, he’d lost the most out of all of them. His whole family had been dusted - Laura, and all the kids - obviously he wouldn’t be doing well. It was a surprise that Nat had found him at all, given no one else had heard from him after the blip. They had assumed that he’d been snapped too. 

Steve pointedly didn’t ask her about the fresh cuts on her hands, or the suspicious lack of explanation about where he’d been since that day, or where she found him. He figured they would share when they were ready. 

And besides, it was finally time for action. They put the word out to Nebula, who quickly came back with Rocket. Carol would meet them once it was time to execute. 

In the meantime, the team would work on getting the netting which would cover the planet ready. The scientists had their own job to do: preparing the Pym Particles for the enormous task of shrinking said planet. 

They convened in the conference room, making it their center of operations. They laid out the plan in the plainest terms possible. 

The plan to bring everyone back. 

The idea was that the Pym Particles would be used to shrink the Garden planet down enough that the stones would be all accessible in the same place all at once, even if mixed together. 

“It turns out, shrinking an entire planet to the size of a softball is the easy part.” Tony explained to everyone. “The hard part will be played by our own personal god over there.” He said, pointing at Thor. 

“I have consulted with the elders of Asgard.” Thor began. “They spoke of the gods who forged the stones. The stones would have you believe they are mere trinkets of magic. But they are more than that. They alone decide and manipulate all of creation in the nine realms. The stones were forged using only the gods’ will and the first light of the universe.”

“They have the property of photons, but behave like matter. The two are fused, something we didn’t think was physically possible, since by definition, light has no mass.” Bruce explained. 

“So that’s why we haven’t been able to find any trace of the matter, just the energy output.” Rocket thoughtfully added. 

“Wait,” Natasha interrupted. “Thor, when you say the stones can decide and manipulate creation, you make it sound like they’re living, thinking beings. Are they alive?” She asked. He thought on this question for a minute. 

“In a way.” Thor carefully offered. “They do not speak, or act rationally the way creatures do. They are alive in the way nature is alive. In the way the sea is alive. The way a planet, or a universe is alive. They are more of an environment, they react to stimulus, but they are not aimless - the will of the gods remains in them. They will grant a user their powers, but they are able to expect something in return, to maintain balance and order.” 

“That’s why the tesseract took Red Skull.” Steve told her. “It gave him power, it showed him the universe, but just touching it, it killed him. And that’s why the stones injured Thanos so badly when he used them.” 

“And that’s the problem.” Bruce said. “Even if we can get the stones back, one of us will still have to use them to bring everyone back.” 

Everyone looked at each other. 

“It should be me.” Steve said. He wasn’t sure why he said it. It just seemed obvious to him. He’d already cheated death once. It felt right that this should be his way of contributing, and besides, he wasn’t exactly human anymore, not really. He probably had a good chance of surviving, with his supernatural healing. And if he didn’t survive…well, at least the job would be done. 

“No.” Tony immediately answered, locking eyes with Steve, his dissent deadly serious. “You saw what it did to Thanos when he used them.” 

“I should do it.” Bruce interjected. “The Hulk will protect me if anything happens.”

“We haven’t even seen the Hulk since you got back from your little space sabbatical.” Tony pointed out. 

“Nay, it should be I.” Thor jumped in. “It is my destiny to stop Thanos. It is why I was drawn here to Midgard in the first place.”

“You’re all being idiots right now.” Rocket pointed out. “If anyone can do it, it would be Carol. She probably wouldn’t even feel it.” 

“That may be,” Steve replied, “But we’ll have to ask her when she gets here. We shouldn’t plan on it without running it by her first. One of us should be prepared, just in case.” 

“Can we worry about getting the stones back first before we go planning who’s going to be a martyr here?” Tony shut Steve down again. He quickly pulled up a projection of the Garden Planet, and glared at Steve, shutting the conversation down completely. 

That was odd. Steve never knew Tony to be one to put off the inevitable. He’d usually want to be one step ahead of every aspect of their missions, down to where they were going for dinner after victory. Steve crossed his arms, and glared back - ready to make his point heard. He knew Tony well, and knew Tony would ultimately be the one who would try to shoulder the burden of the stones if it came down to it. And just because Tony didn’t want any of his friends to get hurt, didn’t mean it was a good idea for him to take on that responsibility. 

“Do they usually stare at each other with this much sexual tension?” Rocket asked no one in particular. 

“Yep.” Natasha confirmed. Steve tried his best to hide the blush he could feel dashing up his neck. For once, he was grateful that his overgrown beard probably hid it. 

“I’m just saying, we’re focusing on the wrong thing right now.” Tony huffed. 

“Relax.” Rocket kicked his feet up onto the table. “The team and I were able to manage the Power Stone on our own, and Carol is definitely stronger than all of us combined. I’m sure she can handle it.”

“You’ve used one of the stones before?” Bruce asked. 

“Oh yeaaah.” Rocket casually waved a paw at them. “Well Quill had it by himself at first. He’d just wrecked a dance-off against this asshole who was trying to destroy a planet. It almost killed him but he was half-god at the time so, you know. It wasn’t that bad once we all joined hands and defeated him using the power of friendship or whatever.” 

Through the stunned silence of the rest of the team, Tony looked to Nebula, raising an eyebrow. “Is the furball serious?”

“It is true.” Nebula answered. “They are a bunch of morons.”

“Now that I can believe.” Tony replied. 

“Hey!” Rocket objected, but Nebula continued. 

“But they did, while physically linked, hold the burden of the Power Stone between them, and defeated the murderer Ronan. It is possible that the power of the Stones becomes more bearable if shared among several people.” She clarified. 

That made Steve feel a little better. He had seen Loki use the Space stone, and knew Vision literally had the Mind Stone in his head, so maybe it was possible. Still - it was hard to ignore what the stones had done to Red Skull and Thanos when used. 

“Alright.” Steve relented. “We can agree to plan how to use them once we get them all here, back on earth.” 

“Good.” Tony relaxed back into his chair. “Right now, what we do know is that we’ll use the Pym Particles to shrink the planet - stones and all - to a size so small that we can call the stones ‘re-formed’ without making the planet so small that it would result in a black hole. Pika-Thor will zap the stones back to shape with his electromagnetic ax, and his god-will or whatever, and we should in theory have the stones back.” Tony mapped out their strategy. 

“And you think you can do this?” Natasha asked Thor. 

“Stark is correct.” Thor said. “I was able to feel the will of the gods through the Mind Stone. In my vision, I believed that it asked me to give it life. I did, and then our friend Vision was born. But he was merely a host for it. It was given shelter within Vision for some time, until Thanos took it forcefully. Likewise, I can feel the will of the gods residing on the Garden Planet. I did not know it at the time - but I could feel them all around us, when we stood on the surface of the planet. Their resolve is chaotic and scattered, I did not know what I was sensing, they were fleeting moments in the wind. But the stones are ready to be formed again, they just need help regaining their original form, and a god’s guidance.” 

“None of us can guarantee anything.” Bruce turned to Thor, a hand on his forearm, for comfort. “I need to know you’ll be okay, even if this doesn’t work. If we blow the only chance we’ve got, I need you to know it’s not on you. Tony and I, the whole team, are making the choice to go with this plan.” 

“I am in good hands.” Thor replied. 

“And here I thought Terrans were boneheaded.” Rocket looked at Nebula and shrugged. “Guess it was just Quill.” 

“Great.” Natasha replied. “Tell us what you need.”

---

They needed vibranium, and lots of it. 

Steve suggested Wakandan aid - it would only take a few calls from him to secure a relatively large amount of raw vibranium. Steve quickly worked with a Wakandan contact who could send their supplies in via Rhodey, who would rendezvous back with them at the compound. In the meantime, Scott got as much of the electrical work done as he could. They would make a thin netting, several thousand miles long and wide. They used Scott’s Antman suit, and Tony’s chestplate as blueprints for the netting, which would be wired to spread the effects of the Pym Particles evenly throughout the entire planet. It was flexible enough to fit the netting into a small housing unit in a spaceship, but could expand to cover the entire circumference of the planet.  

Once the stones formed, they would send Carol in to retrieve them, likely being the only one who could withstand both Thor’s consistent electrical transmission, and the possibility of an unstable planet blowing back up in her face. 

As a team, they worked, carefully and methodically, for weeks. They needed to refine and spool thousands of miles of vibranium. And they needed to do it perfectly. They couldn’t afford a single thread to be misplaced, lest they make the entire housing unusable. Steve was finally feeling better about the whole thing - they were making progress. He could see the plan beginning to take shape right in front of him, as he, along with the rest of the team, helped with the day to day grunt work of it all. The nights seemed shorter. Now he had a sense of direction, something he hadn’t experienced in a long time. He didn’t want to get his hopes up too much, but it felt like they might be able to bring everyone back, like all this could really come to fruition. 

Tony and Bruce were working harder than ever. Day in and day out, they would collaborate with everyone. Detailing specific measurements for building and manufacturing. Honing amperage and voltage on the electrical components, making sure nothing would be overloaded on the big day. They only had 22 Pym Particles to work with. They assured the team that this was more than enough - spread out evenly throughout the planet - to work. They would even be able to use two of the particles for a test run - to see how long the shrinkage would hold, just as a safeguard. 

They were consistently honing their theory, and trying to take into account any and all variables. Coming back to the others with new ideas for failsafes, and doing all the math and science that went into that. 

It was tremendous. No one could accomplish this feat but these two. 

But Steve would notice the toll it took on them. He also started to notice how Bruce would end his days - always physically closer to Thor than he’d ever seen before. Were they always that close? Every night, Thor would go upstairs with Bruce, to his room, often holding hands, often whispering encouragement to him. 

Steve wondered if Tony needed the same kind of encouragement. The same kind of attention. He thought about asking, but never worked up the courage to say anything. 

Only at night when their work was done did he allow himself to think of Tony. How he missed their forced but amicable time together. Thought about how much more tolerable things would be if he just had someone to hold him though the dark and lonely night. He hugged his pillow instead and wished it smelled like Tony.

But the nightmares still plagued him, though not as often as when this all started. Still - Steve would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, in a cold sweat, wondering if the others were still alive. He hated that his first waking thought was always Thanos. 

He’d almost let Tony die out there in space, without his team. Without his friends. He’d try to be there for him always from now on - as much as he could be. Even if he couldn't have the same kind of unspoken relationship with him as Bruce and Thor seemed to have. 

---

A few days into building the planet netting, they hit a snag. 

Tony and Bruce called Steve into a private meeting, just them, leaving the rest of the team out of it. This couldn’t be good.

Steve watched them walk into the conference room, and he noticed that they were nervous about something. 

“We need a sharp-shooter.” Tony blurted out, before Steve could ask. 

“Okay..” Steve replied, giving them space to fill in the blanks. 

“We’ve run some tests.” Bruce explained. “And while we are confident that this plan will work hypothetically, we can’t be on the planet during the actual time the shrinking will take place. We don’t want to shrink along with it.” 

“I see.” Steve understood their hesitation. “Can’t we just detonate the shrinking from the spaceship, once we’re in the air again? On a timer, or remotely with a switch?”

“Yes of course.” Bruce replied. “But that’s not the issue. The issue is getting Thor close enough to it once it’s shrunk to use his powers to bind the stones together.”

“So we just take him back in, close enough to the planet, after we shrink it, just close enough for striking distance.” Steve reasoned. “You said we would have plenty of time - the planet should hold steady for about an hour. That’s more than enough time for us to fly in and out as needed.”

“So that’s where the issue comes in.” Tony sighed. “When we shrink the planet, it’ll become small, tiny, miniscule - 125 millimeters in diameter to be precise - less than 5 inches across. But it’ll be dense - it still has all the matter it originally had, just compressed. So that means it’ll have the same gravity it had before it was compressed.” 

Steve didn’t react. It must’ve been obvious that he needed more information, so Bruce explained further. 

“That means if we try to get close to the planet, its gravity will affect us just as it would if we were in the upper atmosphere. We would start to free-fall towards it. And if we collide with it, or try to turn on our thrusters to fly against its gravitational pull…I’m afraid we might damage the Pym particles working to hold the planet’s size.”

“So, what are you saying? Thor can’t get close to it?” Steve asked. “Isn’t that the whole point of this? To get Thor close enough to do his thing?” 

“Yeah..” Tony answered, eyes shifting to Bruce’s. “About that..” 

“I don’t want to put him in harm’s way.” Bruce said, squeezing his fist around the sleeve of his sweater. “We can send him to the shrunken planet alone, to do his thing, but we already know the Pym particles are unstable enough as is. We can try to predict how long they will hold based on the test run, but it’s not an exact science. There’s so many variables. We don’t know how much matter each stone will deduct from the total mass the particles are holding. And we don’t know if the particles will become unstable when faced with Thor’s onslaught. Not to mention how much input Thor’s ax photons will add to the equation-”

“We’ll have time.” Tony noted. “Enough time to rebuild the stones. But the moment the Pym Particles run out of juice, they’ll be done, and the planet will expand back out to normal dimensions. If Thor’s in there when that happens - let’s just say the windshield of an 18 wheeler slamming into a butterfly flapping along the interstate will be nothing compared to this. Splat-ook.” Tony slapped his hands together.

Bruce frowned at him,

“Sorry.” Tony sheepishly amended, slumping his shoulders. “But you know what I mean. We think Thor should have enough time to get in and out, but we don’t know for certain how his power will affect the hold of the Pym Particles, or how his body will affect the gravity around the planet, so if it released its hold before he’s done, he’d be toast. And Bruce doesn’t want to bring it up to Thor. He’d take that chance.” 

“I agree.” Steve wondered, for a second, if Bruce worried because he felt something for Thor that the others didn’t. But that wasn’t fair to him - Steve wouldn’t want any of his teammates to risk their lives for the sake of the others. If they were going to do this, they would do it as safely as possible. “So what are our options?” 

“He will still need a physical connection to the planet to be able to do it.” Bruce explained. “We have two options. We can try to have a vibranium ‘string’ attached to the planet to give him a direct connection to it, but I’m afraid when shrinking the planet, it may sever the connection if it shrinks along with the rest of it.”

“And what’s the second option?” Steve asked. 

“We could create a connection with the planet after it’s already shrunk.” Tony offered. “This may be harder, because like I said - it’ll be the size of a grapefruit, and we will be able to get maybe a kilometer away from it without affecting it with the heat and push of our ship’s thrusters. From there, we can shoot a line at it, to create a connection, then let Thor do his thing safely from the ship, while we fly the ship back out, to a safe distance. Thor confirmed to us that he could feel the stones from the ship - the day we flew out there - as long as he has a physical connection to the planet, it will work.”

“But Thor can’t create the connection himself - no one should get that close to the shrunken planet, even the size of a human is too large and will affect the gravitational pull.  Plus, he’ll have to be at the manifold inside the ship, and he’ll need to start the process as soon as the connection is received. We can’t waste any time waiting for him to get back to the ship once he starts.” Bruce added. “We don’t know how long it’ll realistically take him to rebuild all the stones.”

“And Carol can’t do it.” Tony said. “We need her to be our outfielder. She will need to be a couple hundred miles outside our range at least , to catch the stones as they’re formed. At the moment they’re created, they’ll have an unimaginable amount of energy and force. We can direct where they go - we’ll have an opening at one end of the planet’s vibranium covering, away from our ship - but we can’t control how fast they’ll barrel away from us. She’s the only one who can catch them before they shoot out into deep space. No use making the stones if we can’t find them afterwards.”

“So we think this is the best plan. Creating a connection from the ship once we're already at a safe distance. The only issue is, finding someone to create that connection.” Bruce said.  

“But this needs to be an extremely precise shot - it needs to attach itself to the vibranium shell without damaging any of the Pym Particle holding cells, or we’re all toast.”

“So we need a sharp shooter.” Steve sighed. 

“We need a sharp shooter.” Tony confirmed. 

Steve immediately understood why this was a problem. They had someone who could make that shot. 

Clint. It would be nothing to him. Like Tony said, shooting the tip of a grapefruit, from a kilometer away. Clint could do that in his sleep. With a blindfold on.

The issue was - no one other than Nat had spoken to him since the Snap. And even now, Nat often found that she couldn’t get answers from him. She’d go to his room a few times a day to bring Clint food or water or just company in general. She would almost always leave the room just minutes later, with a dejected look that said ‘He wouldn’t talk to me. Again.’ 

As much as he wanted to give Clint space and time to work through his grief, they didn’t have the luxury anymore. And for some reason - Tony and the others still treated Steve as the leader of the Avengers. They still ran every part of the plan through him. They looked to him to make the big decisions. It was up to him to make this plan work. 

“I’ll talk to him.”

Chapter 17: The Savior

Notes:

Releasing two chapters at once today because this chapter is a rough one. Content warnings include signs of depression, and very brief mentions of suicide, rape, murder pedophelia, but mostly just a very dark conversation. No actual graphic descriptions of the violence mentioned.

Feel free to read the end notes instead if you just want a quick summary, and skip to the next chapter. I won't be offended, your own mental health comes first! <3

“This isn’t a good idea.” Nat told him, as they stood outside the hallway to Clint’s room. 

“I know.” Steve replied. “But I have to try. He’s the best shot we’ve got - literally.” 

Nat sighed.

“Just know - he’s not in a good state of mind right now.” She warned. “He will blame you for what happened. He’ll blame Tony.” She pointed out, knowing Steve’s soft spot for him. “He’ll hurt you with his words. Don’t let it get to you. It’s not how he really feels. I need you to mentally prepare yourself. He’s broken and angry and lashing out.” 

Steve acknowledged her with a short nod. She walked them to the door. She took a breath, and before she did anything, she turned back to him.

“I’m not here to mediate. I’m going to let you do all the talking.” She said, with a serious sternness in her voice that made Steve waver. “You’re not going to like what you see in there. You may not be able to reason with him. If you need to leave, I’ll intervene. There’s no shame in that. We can always try again tomorrow.”

For a moment, Steve wondered if he should be more worried about this, but in the next she’d already knocked on the door. They waited for a response, but didn’t get one. Steve walked forward, ahead of Nat, and knocked again. After a few seconds, it was obvious they wouldn’t be getting a reply. Just as he was about to suggest that they try again later, she turned the knob and opened the door. 

The room was dark. Steve would’ve thought no one was home if his enhanced vision didn’t allow him to see the silhouette of a man laying in the disheveled bed. In fact - the whole room was disheveled. Chairs were knocked on their side across the floor. Several couch cushions stuffed haphazardly under a desk. Photo frames, books, clothes, trinkets and appliances, all strewn across the floor, dents in the walls around the room, proof that they weren’t placed down gently. Steve could almost understand it all - no room for the demons or ghosts to stay with you if you didn’t give them room at all. 

Steve tuned the dimmer light up just a tick, just enough so Clint would be able to see him too. He was laid facing the wall, and hadn’t budged since they opened the door, so maybe it didn’t matter. Steve tiptoed in anyways, carefully stepping around the mess, fully aware of the musk in the air. It was obvious that Nat was cleaning up as best as she could - she’d take away dirty plates, sweep up broken glass, pick up any trash. But beyond that - she couldn’t make Clint shower. Couldn’t make him move long enough to swap out the bedsheets. Couldn’t make him change out of his barn clothes, or use the bathroom when he needed to. 

He picked up one of the chairs and sat across from Clint on the bed. Natasha leaned against a wall on the other side of the room, arms crossed, letting Steve take the lead.

“So, you finally get around to showing your face.” He heard, muffled behind a pillow. He hadn’t expected Clint to actually reply, much less have the first word. 

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Steve said. When Clint remained silent, “I would have come to see you sooner, but we were told you wanted space.” 

“Well isn’t that nice of him.” Clint replied, not moving an inch. His voice was rough, like he hadn’t used it in days. “Did I ever tell you I want my wife and kids alive? I should’ve told you that too, apparently.” 

Steve knew Clint was upset. He was saying bitter things because honestly, the situation was so messed up, there was nothing nice to say about it. Nevertheless, it stung. His eyes met Nat’s and she tipped her chin up, a motion for him to continue. 

“We fought as hard as we could.” Steve replied.

“Not hard enough apparently.” Clint said. “My invite must’ve gotten lost in the mail.” 

“We didn’t want to uproot you from your family. Again.” Steve answered. It was true. When they first got word from Bruce that someone was looking for Vision, they quickly assembled to eliminate the threat. The mention of Hawkeye had come up, but so had the mention of Antman and the reality was - in the end, they were halfway across the world when they saw the broadcast of Ironman fighting, then boarding, an alien ship. When they realized they needed to find Vision before the bad guys could. “By the time we found him, Vision was hurt. By the time we found out what the stakes were - we had to get him to Wakanda right away, and there was no time to call in anyone else. By the time we realized the gravity of the situation, it was too late. I’m sorry. I thought we had it under control.”

“Obviously fucking not.” 

“You’re right.” Steve answered. “We didn’t have it under control. I was wrong. I made a tactical error.” He wanted to lay it all out and take responsibility. He owed Clint that much. “I’ve made…a lot of mistakes recently. And we all paid the price for it.”

“..Some more than others...” Clint whispered. So low that Steve almost wasn’t sure if he’d heard it, or if his own guilt had formed the words in his mind. Nevertheless, he continued. 

“We’re trying to fix it.” Steve said. “I know Natasha’s already mentioned it - we’re working with the team. With Tony and the others, with anyone who’s left. We’re trying to bring back the stones. And we need your help.” 

Steve heard a humored huff, like Steve’s words were nothing but sarcasm. But Clint didn’t move or say anything beyond that. He wished he could at least see Clint’s face while they were having this conversation. 

“I know. I should’ve come to see you before now. I apologize for that. But we really do need you. We need someone to shoot at an impossibly small target, from almost a mile away. The team - they’re building a cover for Thanos’ planet. They’re shrinking it to less than half a foot in diameter. We need a direct shot from the spaceship to connect a link so Thor can rebuild the stones.”

Still nothing from Clint. 

“We’re taking a big chance. But we think the plan could work.” Steve was getting desperate for some kind of response. “We’re trying very hard to undo this. Tony and Bruce - they’ve put a lot of thought into it. I know it sounds far-fetched but we need to give it a try, no matter how small the odds. We could really use your help.” 

He waited. As the seconds ticked by, and Clint didn’t make a sound, he looked to Natasha again. She motioned to the door. Today wasn’t their day. Steve would come back tomorrow and try again. 

“Think about it.” Steve stood up. Just as he was about to leave, he got a response.

“And then what?” 

Steve stopped, turning back. “What do you mean?”

“After all this. We’re just supposed to be okay with Stark? After he locked us up like criminals? After your little tiff with him almost got us all killed?” 

Rationally, he could understand Clint’s point of view. At the time, it must’ve felt like Tony was the enemy, even if that’s not how Steve saw it, at all. Still, it made him angry. Tony had convinced Ross to allow Clint and Scott to take a plea deal. Had helped them get back home to their families. Tony wasn’t the bad guy and he had nothing to do with this. 

Natasha could sense his mood shift. She moved closer and placed a hand on his arm. Steve carefully replied.

“We can’t afford to take sides right now. This is bigger than all of us.” He wanted to say that Tony was their only hope. That Tony cared enough to come back, to make amends, to work with others, to work with Steve of all people, who had betrayed him. But he didn’t say any of that. Natasha let go of his arm. He could keep his cool. “We’re all just doing our part to try to right this wrong.” 

“I did my part.” Clint spat back. “I tried to help. And in the end it backfired - every time.” The venom in his voice was palpable. “And the worst part of it all is that he was right. That whole time, when he was saying we should’ve been protecting the world from the evil out there, he was right. We were blind, we called him crazy, but he was right . The evil was always out there. It still is.”

“Thanos is dead.” Steve said. 

“You don’t understand .” Clint growled back, with more force. He tried to get up, hands steadying him as he turned his body downward, facing the bed. His moves were unnatural, he shifted his weight to his wrists, then pushed up. Steve could only see the back of him. He had welts and bruises in odd places. His hair was matted, stuck to his sweaty skin. “There’s always going to be another Thanos. Then another one. Where does it stop? When do we actually win ? When can we go home and live happily ever after? Stark was right . The only thing to do is to kill them before they kill you .”

“I don’t think Tony ever meant to say that at all.” Steve’s defensiveness over Tony turned to concern. He still couldn't see Clint’s eyes. If he could only see him. Maybe he could talk some sense into him. But as he took in Clint’s last words, the air hung thick between them. Maybe there was a reason no one knew where Clint was after the Snap. Why no one had heard from him. “What are you even saying?” 

Clint didn’t respond. Instead, he rubbed at his hands. Like he was alleviating some pain. That’s when Steve heard it - the unmistakable scraping of metal against metal - as Clint pulled his legs under him, to steady himself. 

“What did you do ?” Steve breathed out, suddenly realizing - Clint was restrained. His hands were bound together, as were his feet. Steve didn’t know if he was directing his question to Clint or Natasha, but Clint answered all the same. 

“What should’ve been done to Thanos a long time ago.” Clint stretched his fingers out, likely numb, likely he hadn’t moved in hours, maybe days. “What should be done to every egotistical fucker out there who feels entitled enough to rape, pillage, kill innocent people. You saw how crazy people got after the dusting. You saw the riots and destruction, the whole world was a madhouse - it still is. You thought Thanos was the end of it. No.” He chuckled, in a way Steve didn’t recognize. “No, no. It was only the beginning. You think everyone will just roll over and let you handle it? Well maybe we don’t all have the same definition of justice. I didn’t do anything that those opportunistic bastards didn’t deserve.” 

Steve didn’t know what Clint was saying. He looked at Natasha, who met his gaze. Her expression didn’t falter. She knew. She knew what he'd done. She knew just how far he’d gone. She knew he would hurt others, hurt himself. He hadn’t realized just how extreme the situation was. 

“There’s a lot of good out there too, Clint.” Steve said, hoping he didn’t sound too naive, even if that’s how it felt, saying it out loud. “That’s why we’re trying to fix this. To save the good that’s left.” 

“We do that by taking out all the bad.” Clint replied. 

“Clint, seeking people out to eliminate like targets, like a virus before it makes you sick, that’s just as bad as them. It makes you a killer too.” 

“That’s exactly it though, isn’t it? They’re a fucking virus on this planet. They deserve to be eliminated before they cause more harm. “

“That’s wrong and you know it.” Steve tried to reason with him. “Thinking like that…it breeds resentment and revenge. It’ll end up worse than before. And where do you cross the line? Where is the gray area between a murderer and someone who’s just a kid who made a mistake? How do you decide who lives, who dies, who is worthy of punishment or forgiveness?”

“It’s easier than you would think.” Clint said. 

Steve couldn’t believe what he was hearing. This was Clint . They had worked together for years. They were friends . He’d saved Natasha from a path just like this, once. He’d given her a foundation. He’d shared his family and home with her. Steve could understand losing hope. After all, Clint had lost so much. But this was something entirely different. This was monstrous. This was poison. 

“Look, just tell me what I need to do. I’ll get it done, and we can go our separate ways.” Clint said. “I don’t know if this plan of Stark’s is going to work. And if it doesn’t so be it. But I'm not standing by waiting for the fight to come to me anymore.”

“That’s not happening.” Steve said, standing up. Natasha raised an eyebrow, but Steve held firm. “We need you to be in a good headspace for this. You need to be doing it for the right reasons.”

“My reasons are to bring back my wife and my kids. I don’t need a better reason than that.”

“For them to see you like this ? They would never want this for you -” Steve started, but Clint finally turned, towards him, facing him directly for the first time. Steve could see his eyes. They were bloodshot. Full of anger. Full of rage. 

“Don’t you tell me what they would want for me!” Clint yelled back. “Don’t you say a word about them! Like you know them! Like you know what I’ve been through!” He lunged forward, but the restraints held him taut against the bedframe. “You didn’t lose what I lost! You can’t possibly know what I’ve been through!” 

Natasha stepped between them. She pushed Clint back down onto the mattress, tugging on his wild hair to get him to comply. 

“Get out.” Natasha told Steve. Steve almost walked towards him. Maybe he should let his anger out on somebody. Maybe that somebody should be him. But Natasha’s words were an order, not a suggestion. He stepped back out into the hallway, closing the door behind him. 

He hadn’t been prepared for this. 

For some reason, his thoughts flashed back to Bucky. When he found them the first time - when he’d been turned against him, and attacked him. Steve remembered all too clearly the fear and desperation at seeing a friend like that. 

But that wasn’t at all like Clint right now. Clint was more like a rabid dog, a scared and trapped animal, destroying anything and everything that got near them. 

Amidst the joy of getting Tony back, the distraction of having a goal, an objective, a light at the end of the tunnel, somewhere along the way, maybe Steve had forgotten just how much people were suffering . Just how deep and guttural the pain was. The people he’d interacted with in the weeks since the Snap were the people out in the streets, the strong ones. The ones who could find it in themselves to still help others. The ones who had no choice but to make the world keep turning. The ones who still had hope. 

But there were the others. The ones who couldn’t continue with the grief. Who couldn’t even bring themselves to face another day. Who had no answers. No hope. 

Steve suddenly realized why Bruce and Tony had decided to move forward with this half-baked plan. There were other, more reasonable alternatives. More secure ways to collect the broken stones. But those plans would take years. Decades. They needed to do something now. Something definitive. Something to either fix this situation now, or go out in a blaze trying. 

A large thud against a wall in Clint’s room caught his attention. He wondered if Natasha would be okay in there. She could take care of herself. Nonetheless, he waited with bated breath for another beat, to see if he should go back in to help her, when the door opened again. 

She closed it calmly behind her, and gave Steve a look. Not here. Let’s talk outside. He didn’t fail to notice a new cut on her left hand, between her index and thumb. She dabbed the fresh blood on her shirt, walking out of the hallway quickly. 

As soon as they reached the courtyard outside the compound, Steve turned to her. 

“What happened to him.” He wasn’t asking anymore. He needed to know. 

“Thanos happened.” Natasha replied.

“Thanos happened to everybody. ” Steve retorted. “What happened to Clint ? The person in there is not the Clint I know.”

For a moment, Steve saw a flicker of emotion in Natasha’s brow. She had the strongest will out of anyone Steve had ever met. She was an expert at hiding from the enemy, hiding who she was, hiding who she cared about. She could manipulate anyone with stone cold efficiency. But now, in front of Steve, her barriers were crashing down. He could tell, she had been carrying the burden of Clint’s wellbeing all alone for far too long. He needed to get this information out of her, needed to help alleviate the load. 

“Where was he?” Steve asked. Maybe they could start there. “Where did you find him?” 

So she told him. She told him everything. Finding him had been no easy task - but eventually she did. There were rumors. In the aftermath of the Snap, some truly despicable people took advantage of the confusion and chaos. People who murdered, knowing full well no one would or could stop them. Vulnerable women, helpless children were taken from their homes by rapists and opportunistic pedophiles, knowing everything was so fucked up that no one would come save them. The breakdown of civilization was a curtain to them, hiding their misdeeds among the rest of the mayhem. 

But then there was a savior. A savior, and the devil, all in one man. He was relentless and unforgiving. He could kill a wrongdoer in a split second, without batting an eye. Usually in the middle of their misdeed. Usually in front of their victim. 

Maybe they did deserve it. But that wasn’t justice. It was merciless annihilation. 

“I didn’t want to believe it was him.” Natasha told him. “I hoped I was wrong. But I found him. Right as he was taking down a group of men, who were torturing a young girl in ways…you wouldn’t want to know.” She shivered recounting the tale. “I stopped him before he could finish. His finger was on the trigger. There was only one guy left. A disgusting pig. Maybe I should’ve let him do it, but…after what’s happened. So many people are gone. Getting rid of one more just seems…stupid now.” 

“You did the right thing.” He assured her. The question of justice and an eye for an eye has always been murky at best. She didn’t deserve to punish herself over what-if’s. And above all, Steve wouldn’t let her bear the brunt of caring for Clint alone anymore. 

“What are we gonna tell the others?” She asked. 

“We’ll tell them that I’ll make the shot.” Steve said. They were silent for a long while after that.

Notes:

In summary: Natasha takes Steve to see Clint so he can ask him to be the sharp shooter that Tony and Bruce need in order to establish the connection between the spaceship and the shrunken planet.

Clint is broken and angry and lashes out at Steve, and in the end Steve realizes that Clint has been exacting revenge on bad people since the snap. He also realizes that Natasha has been restraining Clint with metal cuffs to his room/bed for his own safety (or to keep him from running away. It's not clear yet) Clint agrees to be the archer/shooter but Steve turns him down, telling him that he needs to be doing this for the right reasons, and not for revenge. Clint (understandably) does not take that well, as he wants his family back. Natasha pulls Steve out of the conversation and they decide that Steve will take the shot instead.

Chapter 18: Before it's too Late

In the days that followed, Steve practiced his aim. Ever since the serum, he’d had pretty good aim, though mostly he’d relied on the accuracy of his shield-wielding to get him by. He wasn’t one to depend on weapons too much. He’d always prefer to be on the defense, rather than to attack. 

Nonetheless, the mission was his now. He spent his afternoons in the compound’s field range. He practiced with guns, arrows, crossbows, anything Natasha suggested to him. The scientists even had a meeting, to see if there was another way to create the link they needed. 

“Maybe we could magnetize the connection?” Scott offered. 

“Even if we attach the biggest, strongest magnet we could create, Steve would still need to get the arrow within centimeters of it once it’s shrunken for the magnetic field to even have any effect.” Tony replied. 

“What about-” Scott immediately retorted back. Steve admired his continued spirit even in the midst of all this. “Instead of us trying to aim at the planet, we get the housing unit to aim at us ?” Scott beamed, eyebrows wiggling, sure he’d come up with the solution. 

“It’s a great idea,” Bruce replied, not as enthusiastically. “But to get the housing unit to create a connection with us in the ship, we would need to spool another few millions of miles of vibranium before it shrinks to even get between the short distance we need to reach the ship. And there’s not that much vibranium left…anywhere. In the world. Or the entire universe, as far as we know.” 

“Oh.” A dejected Scott banged his head onto the table. “Right.” 

“Great ideas, everyone.” Steve called it, after it was clear the meeting wasn’t a success. “I appreciate the hustle. Like Bruce said, Thor is willing to go directly up to the shrunken planet and work from there, but we would prefer to have him safely on the ship, with us. Let’s try again tomorrow, and see if we can think up any other solutions. In the meantime, I’ll keep practicing my shot.” 

A grumbled chorus of agreement filled the room as the others stood up to leave. Tony found Steve before he left, and held his arm, a wordless request for him to stay behind. Steve waited for the others to file out, heart rate pulsing at Tony’s touch. Even little things like this always got to him, when it came to Tony. He relished the little things. A touch, an unspoken understanding that only involved the two - something just between them. It was delusional, maybe. But Steve liked to think that the little things had meaning - that it meant things were getting better between them. Maybe someday, they could even be good friends again. 

“How are your archery lessons with ‘Tasha going?” Tony asked, when they were finally alone. Steve tilted his head to the side, brow furrowing, trying to think of something positive to say.

“That bad, huh?” Tony let out a crestfallen chuckle. Steve smiled at him in return. He loved that Tony could read him like a book. Even if it meant he couldn’t hide anything from him. He never wanted to hide anything from him. Ever again. 

“I just wish we had Clint in our corner.” Steve replied. Tony’s hand was still on his arm, fingers so close to the crook of his elbow. It was hard not to focus all his attention on it. “Nat and I are trying our best, but we’re nothing compared to him. We haven’t even been able to hit the target stand yet, much less the actual bullseye.” 

“There’s always other options.” Tony leaned to the side a bit, resting his hip on the desk next to them.  “Don’t be too hard on yourself. If we need to, we can figure a way around this.” His hand still hadn’t moved, and while Steve found it comforting…exciting, even…he also noticed the way Tony seemed to be using him as leverage. He was shifting his weight, using Steve’s arm as support. He loved to help Tony any way he could, any time. But he wondered if something was wrong. If Tony was in pain. 

“Are you okay?” Steve asked as soon as the thought occurred to him. 

“What do you mean-” Tony didn’t finish his question before the door to the conference room opened. Tony’s hand immediately pulled away. So much for their privacy. 

“Sorry.” Natasha said, eyeing the two standing so close. “I should’ve knocked.” She gave them a small smile. Very cheeky of her, Steve thought. “But Clint wants to see you, Steve.” 

That was odd. 

“Me?” He asked, not quite believing it. 

“He asked for you.” Natasha confirmed. Steve nodded. 

Clint had been doing…better since his outburst at Steve last week. According to Natasha, that is. She said he was angry for a few days, but was at least starting to talk to her more. Not much. A few words at a time. It was progress, she’d said. 

Steve had gone back to see him a few times himself. If nothing more, to relieve Natasha of caring for him round the clock on her own. He’d bring food and clean the room up a bit. He’d try to talk to Clint some, here and there. About the mission. About their progress. About how sorry he was, for everything. Clint usually didn’t reply. But he didn’t seem to be so full of rage anymore, either. 

So if he was asking to talk to Steve now , he wouldn’t waste the opportunity. 

“I’ll be right there.” Steve let her know. He looked back at Tony, still leaning there against the table. Steve still needed to make sure he was alright. “I’ll come find you afterwards, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Tony agreed, eyes bright. Steve had almost forgotten how beautiful those eyes were, when Tony was happy. None of them had been happy per se, in a long time. Since the Snap. Since before that. But the little laugh lines that formed around the sides of his eyes when he smiled, that Tony tried to remove with creams that Steve always secretly wished wouldn’t work, he loved those. The way Tony was just a smidge shorter than him, just short enough to have to look up at him with those pretty doe eyes, through his long, seducing eyelashes, he loved that. Seeing that glimmer of something hopeful in Tony’s eyes that made Steve’s heart skip a beat, he loved it too. 

He squeezed Tony’s shoulder as a promise to come back later, and left the room wondering what Tony was hopeful about today. 

---

“I am ready.” Clint locked eyes with Steve, a direct contrast to his manic behavior the last few weeks. He’d turned a corner. He’d insisted to Steve that he could complete the task. That he was up for it - ready to do whatever it takes. 

“I believe you can do it.” Steve agreed. “But that’s not the issue. This is a team effort.” He clarified. Emphasizing the word team. “You’ll have to work with the others. We’ll all be on that ship. Including Thanos’ daughter. Including Tony.” 

Clint’s eyes shifted down. His shoulders sagged a bit. 

“You haven’t even seen the rest of them since this happened. Maybe you should go out. Say hi. Get to know the new members.” Steve suggested. 

Steve had asked Natasha to remove the restraints from Clint after their first conversation. She wasn’t so sure. Steve assumed that she had misgivings about him hurting himself, or hurting others. But that wasn’t the case - she was worried he’d be a flight risk. And it had been so hard to find him the first time around. 

He knows what’s at stake here , he’d told her. Maybe he would leave. But he’d be doing a lot more good here than out there. She waited up all night that first night he was unrestrained, waiting for Friday to announce his escape. She never did. He’d stayed. 

“I don’t see how me making small talk with coworkers is going to help me shoot an arrow.” Clint replied. In the days since then, he still hadn’t left his room. Clearly had no intention of mingling with the others. 

“Maybe it won't,” Steve answered. “But this is a collaborative effort. The others will want to know you’re up to the task. There’s a lot riding on every part of this operation.”

Clint didn’t answer. Hesitation was written all over him. He shifted in place, sat cross legged on his bed - still a safe space for him.

“If something goes wrong, they’ll need to know they can count on you to help. To change course. You know we work best as a team when we all trust each other.” 

More silence. Steve let the words linger for a while. Trust was a hard thing to dole out when their occupation put their lives at risk every day. He knew from experience that it was also a hard thing to win back once lost. Clint sighed.

“It’s not about the trust.” Clint eventually answered. That was a surprise to Steve. “It’s…just hard to see everyone else move on with life like all this didn’t just happen.” 

“No one’s moving on.” Steve replied. “That’s why we’re all here.”

“It’s not the same. If this doesn’t work..” Clint said. “I’d be destroyed. You have no idea.” 

“I do know.” Steve said. “We all lost someone. And if this doesn’t work, we’re not giving up. We’re never giving up. We move on to the next plan. And the next, until we bring everyone back. We’re all just as destroyed as you are.” 

“But you’re not.” Though Clint’s gaze was lowered, Steve noticed a tear fall onto his hands, clenched in his lap. “None of you can possibly know what it’s like to lose your entire world in a split second. My heart’s been ripped out, all my love is gone. You have no idea what it’s like to live without a heart. To see others talk without breaking down. Eat food that tastes good, that tastes like anything, without guilt. To look at things that are beautiful without wanting to destroy them for existing when all that’s beautiful in your life is gone. To watch others breathe when I can’t do the same. It’s a struggle to even be alive right now.” 

The quiver in his voice. It reminded Steve of the scream Maggie let out when they'd brought Scott home. Something primal and guttural. Something devastating.

“You’re not betraying them by living your life while they’re gone.” Steve assured him. 

“It feels like I am.” Clint answered. “Every moment that passes is another moment where I couldn’t save my family. And if I smile, if I carry a conversation, if I let my guard down, I’ll be moving on . And I can’t move on. I can’t let this go. I can’t let them go. I can’t.” More tears fell onto his hands.

Steve had lost people he loved. He loved Bucky, he loved Sam. He’d even lost Tony , or, thought he had, before he came back. But the love of a friend and an unrequited love for another was nothing compared to a marriage of over a decade. Or a parent’s unconditional and unending love for their children. These were the types of love Steve couldn’t understand. Not now, not today. 

“You’re right.” Steve sat down on a chair across from him. “I don’t know how it feels. I don’t know what you’re going through. I couldn’t possibly know.” Clint let out a ragged sob before Steve continued. “I’m sorry for thinking I could know any amount of pain you’re in.”

Clint gave him a slow, barely-there nod. It was enough. 

“I believe you can do this.” Steve continued. “You know I do. I trust you. But I can’t compromise any part of this operation if you’re not willing to work with the others. That’s my one condition.” 

Clint was still, considering Steve’s words for a long time. Steve thought back to a time when he'd lost everyone he loved, lost everything he’d ever known, back when he’d been freed from the ice. Back from the dead. There was no way anyone else in the world would know, could know what that was like. At the time, part of him wished he had died. No one else around him felt the panic, the dread that he was feeling. He felt like he didn’t belong in that world - the world that everyone else understood but was the future he was never meant to see. The lonely, unshakeable feeling that everything was wrong and going on was just too hard. Maybe Clint felt like that now. In fact, he was sure of it. But this was bigger than both of them. There was too much at stake, and Steve needed to see that Clint could handle being around the others long enough to do his part. 

“I’ll try.” Clint whispered. 

“That’s all I ask.” Steve stood, ready to leave Clint to think about their talk. “We have four days until we execute the plan. I’m here as a backup if we need it. But the others, they care about you too. They ask about you. They want to see you. Just so you know.”

He was about to leave when Clint spoke up again. 

“You should tell him.” 

Steve looked back. “Tell who?”

“I know it wouldn’t hurt as much if I didn’t love them so much.” Clint sighed. “It takes courage to love. If I hadn’t had the nerve to have kids…if I hadn’t let my love for Laura get in the way of my job…it wouldn’t hurt this much. But I don’t regret it for a second, and I wouldn’t trade all the pain in the world for a life without them.” 

Steve turned around and leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms, waiting to see where Clint was going with this. But he wasn’t prepared for what Clint said next.

“You should tell Stark you love him.” 

Steve’s eyes widened, and something in his gut sank. He thought about sputtering something out, but the more he tried, the more he just stood there, saying nothing. 

“Don’t even try to deny it. You’ve loved him since day one.” Clint said, looking down at his lap, wiping away the tears from his hands. “Laura always said so, too. That you were both too blind and stubborn to see it.”

Steve shuffled his feet a bit against the shag carpet. “That obvious, huh?” 

“It’s easy to spot love when you know what it looks like.” Clint said. “I mean it. Tell him before it’s too late. I’m lucky to have gotten the time with Laura that I did. Out of everything I've done, I’ve never regretted that. Being there with her. Going home to her. Going home to our family. To the life we made together.”

“It’s…different.” Steve reluctantly replied. “We…right now…it’s not the time. There’s too much going on. There’s too much at stake to risk the group falling apart. It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. We need to work as a team, and that …it could ruin the team.” When they first met, Steve had been afraid of coming on too strong. Then, it was about the team, about the missions. And that kind of confession - it wouldn’t translate to working well together if Tony didn’t feel the same way. It would make things awkward. And now, after Siberia, well Steve had shown Tony just how stupid he could be. He was lucky to have Tony in his life at all. “Telling him something like that, it would just push him away.” Steve finished his thoughts out loud.

Clint sighed. His head fell to his hands. A shuddered, wet breath. His shoulders slumped down. He’d never looked weaker. Never looked so defeated. But he was right. It took a lot of courage to love. In a way, Clint was the strongest of them all. He loved harder than them all. He was brave enough to let himself be surrounded by family and joy and love and tenderness that could be, and was , ripped away from him in a split second.  

“As much as I think you’re both fucking morons,” Clint mumbled into his palms, barely audible. “There’s no right time. There’s no perfect circumstance, a better tomorrow won’t come. Love him now before it’s too late.”

Chapter 19: It could only be Love

Tony’s POV

 

It was ridiculous to think that they could really get any time alone. And besides, he shouldn’t be looking for alone time with Steve, as much as he wanted it. He had actual shit to do, like finalizing the electrical distribution and transmission systems for the ship’s connecting line with Scott. Like getting ready for that meeting with Bruce and his NASA engineer friends later this afternoon to make sure they had viable redundancies in place for the netting housing unit. Like reviewing that talking build-a-bear’s control circuit switch (I mean, he was a genetically engineered talking raccoon, after all. No need to double check his handiwork, right?)

So, no. He shouldn’t be looking for any alone time with Steve. 

But after that night at the hotel in San Francisco…

Tony had forgiven Steve long ago. He really had. Sure, sometimes he’d get annoyed that it seemed like Thanos’ invasion came as a surprise to everyone but him. It wasn’t a surprise to Tony. He saw it from a million miles away. From day one. From the second he saw the innumerable amount of ships through the wormhole in New York. It's what he’d been telling the team, telling everyone. What he’d been trying to prepare the world for.

So, yes. Maybe he would get upset with Steve at times, for not listening to him. For not being there when it counted. 

Except, he had been there that night. In San Francisco. When he needed him. 

A lump would still form in his throat at the memory of that dusted family. The memory of an innocent newborn, gone now, because of their failure. But Steve pulled him out of there - literally - and held him when he cried, and stroked his hair when he broke down, and talked him through it when he knew his mind wouldn’t stop spiraling otherwise. And he even held his hand under the warm covers, until they both fell asleep. Steve was there for him. In a time that was dark, and difficult and terrifying, and awkward and frankly humiliating. But he was there nonetheless.

He’d been there in a way that Tony would’ve never even let himself dream of. And that had to count for something, right? 

So sue him if he just wanted to get away from the nonstop work of the planet shrinker for one minute and let himself break down in front of someone who made him feel safe. He just wanted one more touch, just wanted to be held again. Wanted some stupid flimsy excuse to spend some time with the one person who he could never get off his mind. The one person who he longed to be near. 

If he tried hard enough, he could still recall the smell of Steve’s warm, comforting breath as they whispered to each other that night. Like he could almost imagine what his lips would taste like. Not that he ever would - kiss him that is - Steve definitely wasn’t into him like that. But his stupid genius head couldn’t help but imagine it. 

It was bad enough that Tony had somehow embarrassingly convinced the man to stay in bed with him. He knew how pathetic it was. But Steve indulged him nonetheless. He went out of his way to comfort him, with his words, with his touch, with his stupid perfect warmth and his stupid perfect smell.  

Honestly, thinking about this was such a distraction - getting some of that manic energy out of his system would be good for the team. Would help him concentrate better after he got his fix of Steve, right? Just a bit of Steve to get him back in tip top shape for the rest of his meetings for the day. (Nevermind the lack of sleep, the dull pain in his side from the healing gash, the constant headache from crunching numbers all day, every day) - a small morsel of attention would get him past all that. 

But it was a full house now. Most of the team was back at the compound, working tirelessly to build the planet-shrinker. Tony couldn’t ask for better assistants. They came with a price though - he rarely got any one on one time with Steve anymore. So it wasn’t a surprise when, after trying to get a bit of his attention after today’s brainstorming session, Steve got called away to deal with another issue. It happened. It was fine. 

What was a surprise, though, was Steve wrapping a big, warm hand around his shoulder, squeezing it, and letting him know he’d come find him right after. Steve had funny ways of showing closeness. It always felt hilariously formal for them. He’d shake hands with Tony sometimes, at the beginning of their friendship, and Tony found it endearing enough to humor him with a firm handshake back. When he’d pat his shoulder after one of their talks, a sign of trust, or friendship, or something old and outdated that Tony couldn’t understand, he’d sit with it, trying to hold on to the ghost of the sensation of Steve’s comforting hand cupping his shoulder, usually even close to his neck - which Tony tried not to think about, because that might cross a line and he couldn’t let himself dwell on the thought of Steve wanting to touch his neck, or kiss it, or what could come after that.

It was childish, really, how a little thing like Steve promising to come find him later could make Tony anxious with excitement. It wouldn’t even be anything special. Tony would probably just ask how the talk with Clint went, and they’d discuss it a bit before going their separate ways as always. But he’d have Steve to himself for a few minutes, at least. And that would be enough. 

So when FRIDAY announced that Steve was leaving Clint’s room, he couldn’t help but rush down the East end of the compound, towards the guest quarters. He wasn’t so delusional that he could convince himself he wasn’t looking forward to talking to Steve again. 

He found him coming down an empty hallway. 

“Hey!” He tried not to sound too clingy. “Fri told me you were out and I was just on my way over to-oh.” 

And just like that, he was completely surrounded by muscular arms and the heavy weight of Steve’s drooping head, nestled against his neck. He’d squeezed Tony in a bear hug so tight, that Tony couldn’t even lift his arms up to hug him back - not that he was in the right mind to do so anyways. He was caught completely off guard, allowing himself to be held for several moments before his brain came back online. When it did, he twisted an arm enough that his hand could pat Steve’s back just a touch. 

“Is everything okay?” Tony asked, even though he’d meant to say please don’t ever let go. But Steve giving him a hug wasn’t something that just happened out of the blue, so something must have been really wrong. 

Steve crushed the air out of his lungs for just a little longer before pulling away, hands still on Tony’s shoulders as he looked back at him. Tony hadn’t noticed before - it looked like Steve was about to cry. And that definitely wasn’t something Captain America ever did. 

“Yes. No.” Steve sputtered out. “I mean, it’s fine. Everything’s fine.”

Tony tried to hold eye contact with him, but it seemed like Steve was more concerned with looking at the ground than at him directly. 

“Are you sure?” He asked, “Did the talk not go well with Clint?” 

“It was fine.” Steve replied, a little too quickly. Tony, apparently not able to hide his feelings from Steve if his life depended on it, just looked back at him with a worried enough expression that eventually Steve clarified, “Well…he is going to work on it. On his apprehension with seeing the rest of the team.” 

“Because of me, right?” Tony asked. Of course it would be because of him. He hadn’t wanted to throw the rest of team Cap into the Raft but he’d thought they were okay now, after settling on agreements with Ross to get them back home. But maybe they still held some resentments, and rightfully so. 

“No, of course not.” Steve responded. Tony tried to believe him. “He’s…got some things he needs to work on. He lost his family. It’s still very hard on him. But he’ll get there. Eventually.”

“In time for the plan?” Tony asked. 

“I don’t know.” Steve answered, honestly. Steve looked worn and downtrodden for another moment before his eyes darted back up to Tony and his demeanor wildly shifted. “Wait! I needed to ask you, earlier. Are you feeling okay?” 

“Yeah?” Tony responded, confused about the sudden change of topic.

“You’ve been leaning harder into your left side.” Steve told him. “Have you been taking your painkillers? Is the stab wound hurting?” 

“Oh.” Tony dumbly replied. He supposed he was leaning a bit into the pain. But it’s not like it was a big deal. “I mean, just a little.” Steve’s eyes narrowed, his (warranted) suspicions were accurate, as always. “Fine. It hurts. But I don’t want to overdo it on the painkillers. If you haven’t already noticed, I have a bit of an addictive personality, so medication and I are only acquainted sporadically.” 

“But if it still hurts…” Steve asked, concern written all over his face. 

“It’s not that bad.” Tony assured him. “Really, I promise. It’s just the normal amount of pain.”

“Tony. The normal amount of pain is no pain.” Steve retorted. 

“Huh. Is that so?” That didn’t sound right. Tony tried to recall the last time he felt no pain, and was coming up blank. Was that even possible? He’d have to look into it.

“Oh, what about topical ointments?” Steve asked, hopefully. 

“I suppose.” Tony said. “The doctor left behind some Lidocaine or something. Some kind of creams for me to use. They’re in my room somewhere. But really. It’s nowhere near as bad as it was before. I’ll be fine.” 

“You’ll be fine once you put on the cream.” Steve corrected him. “And the doctor said massages would help you too, a natural alternative to medication. Why don’t you let me help you?” Steve must’ve thought better of it, because he quickly added, “If you want, that is.” 

Tony was dumbfounded at the question. Yes , he wanted Steve to massage him. Of course he did. But was he really offering? Maybe he expected Tony to politely decline? He would know - surely - that Tony could just ring up a nurse or masseuse to come by to do that. But Tony was really weak when it came to Steve and he was suddenly very aware that Steve was still looking at him with that hopeful expression on his stupid, handsome face anytime he wanted to convince Tony of something he felt passionately about, so he couldn’t help himself when he squeaked out a “Yes?” - nodding his head up and down for good measure, in case his voice was really as incomprehensible as it sounded in his head. 

“Good.” Steve squared his shoulders, returning to that same focused determination he got when he was ready to engage in battle, and Tony wondered if that was a good or a bad thing. Regardless, they were both in his room in no time, and before he knew it, Tony found himself handing Steve the bottle of cream prescribed to him. 

“Take off your shirt.” Steve said, and Tony almost fritzed out at hearing that. But he was able to manage to get his shirt off and sit on the edge of the bed as Steve kneeled in front of him. 

How was Steve still so tall, even when he was kneeling? Tony tried not to burn the image of Steve like this into his mind, but he couldn’t help himself. He was so large and imposing and his thighs stretched out his pants in delicious ways when he shifted back on his heels to get more comfortable, and Tony really couldn’t help but notice.

With the sort of consideration only Steve could think to offer, he rubbed his hands together, warming them up as if he wasn’t a furnace all on his own, and spread the cream over Tony’s scar. It felt nice. Steve even started to knead the skin and muscles around it. Tony could almost envision the itchy, hard scar tissue melting away. 

“Relax, you're tense.” Steve said. It was only then that Tony realized he'd been holding his breath, concentrating on Steve touching him. He let it out, slowly. Steve looked to him for permission to continue and Tony nodded. Steve smiled back, and kept going. Tony kept track of his own breath, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Steve was here. Way too close. Not close enough. This is what you wanted. Stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking. He closed his eyes and kept breathing until he really was relaxed, enjoying Steve's large fingers caressing his skin, so firm and sure against his aching muscles, but movements soft and careful, like he'd never touched anything else in his life. 

Turns out Steve Rogers was a great masseuse. It felt like forbidden knowledge, something Tony shouldn’t have ever known. He wanted to lay back into the bed and really enjoy it, but he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep it together if Steve was on top of him in bed. That would be pushing his luck. Instead he rested on his elbows, keeping his composure and torso as straight as he could. 

It wasn't lost on him just how strong Steve was. He's seen the man split a log in half with his bare hands - literally. But here, now, he was being so delicate with him, so attentive to Tony's body, waiting and watching how he reacted to his ministrations before moving on to the next tender spot. 

He tried not to enjoy it. The touch. The attention. Steve’s caring, kindness, all to himself. He’d wished for this. For this kind of attention, this kind of touch from Steve, and it felt selfish now that he was getting it. He’d be ashamed of himself for letting Steve do this, if it wasn’t for the fact that he really was in pain. Even if he tried to deny it to himself, he was. But the pain didn’t distract him enough to ignore the way he wished Steve rubbing ointment on him would turn into caresses, into kissing, into loving touches. 

He forced himself to think about literally anything else. About Thanos. About their mission. Getting the stones. The heavy weight of responsibility on them. He couldn’t afford to get aroused at a time like this. Was it even possible to get aroused at a time like this? When the whole world was shaken and destroyed and ablaze? Thankfully, he was able to avoid any physical evidence of arousal, and even breathed a sigh of relief as Steve seemed to be finishing up with applying the ointment to the front. 

But then Steve’s face scrunched up in a confused, maybe even angry sort of scowl. He gently pulled Tony’s hip to the side, looking at Tony’s backside. 

“He stabbed you through to the other side.” He noted. 

“Oh.” Tony said. “Yeah. Went all the way, clean through.”

If Steve had a murderous streak, Tony only saw it in the form of a bulging vein on the side of his temple, just for a second, before he took a deep breath and guided Tony’s hips to turn all the way around, directing him to lay on his stomach. 

“He’s lucky he’s dead.” Steve’s monotone remark, a serious threat, was punctuated with attentive strokes along his spine, knots he didn’t even know he had, loosening up under Steve’s sweet touch. 

He wondered if Steve would stand up for Tony like that. Well, obviously he would. He’d do that for any of his friends. They were friends, right? They must be, if Steve was doing this. Massaging him. Taking care of him. Was ‘friends’ the right word? Anything more would be…delusional. Impossible. Right? 

As Tony pondered his existential crisis, Steve finished up, and ran his hands across Tony’s scar one more time, lingering there for a brief moment before standing up again.

“Better?” He asked. Tony turned around, sitting up in the bed again. It was a gorgeous view - seeing Steve standing at the foot of his bed, so eager and caring. Their eyes met and Tony…he felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time. Since before Thanos. Before Siberia. Before the accords and Ross and Bucky and Ulton and all the shit that always seemed to stand between them. 

It was something he felt shortly after they first met - when Steve would come to Tony for advice, or help with some modern-day gadget or tech. When Tony would latch onto those times, explain things a little too much. Take his time with Steve, greedily holding onto his attention for as long as Steve would let him. And Steve was always so kind and patient with him, never rushing him, never telling him he was taking it too far, or to just get to the point. He was earnest, and willing to learn, and thankful to a fault, bringing him donuts and coffee and spending time with him, even when Tony hadn’t asked him to.  

Something he felt for years after, even when they fought. When Steve would admonish Tony for being too careless on the battlefield. Did he do it because Tony was part of the team, and they couldn’t afford to lose the air coverage? Or because he cared whether Tony got hurt? 

When Steve would lecture Tony about being gone from the training sessions for weeks at a time. Was it because he thought Tony needed more training than the others? Or did he want to see Tony more often to make sure Tony could take care of himself without the suit? 

When Steve, eyes pleading for forgiveness, told him he knew. He’d known about Bucky being the assassin. Did he withhold that from Tony because he’d taken Bucky’s side? Or was it because he didn’t want to be the one to hurt Tony? 

He felt something from Steve, just now . As if Tony wasn’t the only one making an effort to push everything else out of their way. As if Steve knew, as Tony did, that everything else didn’t matter as much as they mattered to each other. If Tony didn’t know any better…he’d say maybe it was…love?

“Better.” Tony replied. He wasn’t kidding, either. He did feel a lot better, if only because this budding revelation would invade his mind so completely, as to remove any trace of attention to the pain. 

“Good.” Steve handed the cream back, their fingers touching, lingering for a moment before, much to Tony’s dismay, he pulled away. “I need to meet with Tasha for our training. Might be best if I stay on my toes until we know for sure if Clint is in.” 

Tony nodded. He was still processing everything and he didn’t know what else to say other than, “Yeah. Thanks.” 

“Of course.” Steve turned, letting himself out. Before he stepped into the hallway, though, he turned back. “I care about you.” He said, quickly, like he just needed to get the words out. “You know that, right?”

Tony nodded. Steve looked at him from the doorway for a long time, and the expression on his face melted into something soft and tender that Tony wouldn't have been able to decipher merely an hour ago. Then he left. 

Love.

It couldn’t be , he told himself. As he had many times before. But this time, he didn’t have much evidence to back it up. 

---

Tony didn’t leave his room for another hour or so, until it was time to go meet with Scott. 

If he wanted to sit and ponder through every interaction he’d ever had with the one man he’d been in love with since he was old enough to know what love was, then they would just have to forgive him for his tardiness. 

“Shit.” He muttered to himself as he hurried down the hall with his stack of notebooks, checking his watch for the time. He really didn’t know how he was going to focus on this meeting with everything his mind was producing for him right now. It was annoyingly persistent - bringing up every little detail about his history with Steve. Every time he went out of his way to be around Tony. Every time he’d laugh at one of Tony’s stupid dirty jokes. Every sly smile, ducking his head and looking up at him, like he knew how handsome and sexy and flirty it looked, and knew it would drive Tony crazy. It had driven Tony crazy. He thought back to the way he’d say Tony’s name, how often he’d say it. Even when it was just the two of them in a room, when he couldn’t possibly be addressing anyone else. How perfect the two syllables sounded coming from his lips, every time. 

That’s it. You’ve really lost it now. You’re crazy. He told himself. You’re making this way bigger than it is. He tried convincing himself, and almost didn’t notice when he turned the corner to the last hall before the conference room, and almost bumped into Clint of all people. 

He skidded to a halt. Clint stopped too, eyes blinking in surprise. They looked at each other for a second, and Tony almost hadn’t recognized him. Steve had been right. He looked terrible. Not just physically, though Tony did notice the shabby, matted hair, and deep dark circles under his eyes, and his scrubby, unkempt and overgrown stubble almost forming out a disheveled, patchy beard. He looked beaten and mangled mentally - the way only an utterly destroyed heart would do to you. 

Clint stared back. Tony wondered why he didn’t look angry with him. If anything, he looked like he was bracing himself. Like he was expecting the worst - well, something worse than what had already happened. 

The meeting could wait.

“I’m sorry about Laura.” Tony blurted out. “And Lila. And Cooper. And little Nathaniel. I’m so sorry. They didn’t deserve this.” He held his breath. He almost wanted to add - I’m sorry for everything . No one deserved this. - But that wasn’t what he needed to say right now. Right now, Clint was hurting. And it had nothing to do with the rest of it, with the rest of humanity, or the rest of the universe. It had everything to do with the man, and friend, in front of him, who had just lost everything. 

Clint’s eyes welled up with tears. Tony couldn’t help but set his stack of notebooks down, pulling Clint into an embrace. Guess today was just going to be one of those days. 

“You remembered their names.” Clint whispered out. 

“Of course.” Tony’s brow furrowed, like that should be no surprise. “They’re family.” 

Tony didn’t have a lot of examples of a good family unit in his life. But seeing Clint’s happy abode at the ranch - he wasn’t envious per say, but he would have given anything, growing up, to have a family like that. And honestly, he should’ve been better about keeping up with the family their little ragtag team met that fateful day in between another end-of-the-world crisis. 

Laura, who knew everything about them . Not Ironman - but Tony. Not about the Avengers - about them . What they liked to eat. What movies they’d argue about on their flights home from battles. Their weird, sometimes dark sense of humor. The way they’d talk to each other, and fight, and laugh, and get along even when things looked impossible. 

She’d known them. The way she knew Clint. The way she’d stand by him, a touch conveying a thousand words. A knowing glance between them during conversations, speaking sentences that the rest couldn’t hear. Inside jokes and laughter and love that Tony didn’t think was possible between two people, until he saw it in Laura and Clint. 

And the kids. So bright and full of energy. Hilariously sarcastic in a way that would make Tony proud. So welcoming when a bunch of strange grown ups, clearly grumpy and dirty and miffed showed up on their front doorstep. They never complained. They were just happy to have more friends to share their drawings and toys and games with. 

As stupid as it sounded - Tony didn’t know until then that it was possible to have a happy family. A happy ever after. 

He wasn’t going to let some stupid magic stones stand in the way of that for Clint.

Chapter 20: Bullseye

Back to Steve POV

 

He’d chickened out. 

He’d almost done it. Almost told Tony how he felt. 

His talk with Clint had invigorated him. It was a heavy secret. An ache that had been weighing him down for years. He’d somehow convinced himself, in that moment, that if only he could put it all out there - whether Tony felt the same or not - at least he’d know. And he could live with that. 

But then he saw the scar. 

He’d seen glimpses of it before. When they brought Tony to medical that first night, when he’d come back from space. When he helped Tony into Rhodes’ tub. He knew how serious it had been and how fortunate they were to have Tony back. 

But he hadn’t really seen it until just then, when his desperate attempt to be closer to Tony backfired. 

He could almost laugh about it. 

He’d hoped - getting the chance to tell Tony the truth - that he loved him - would release him of some of that weight. There had always been something there, or at least, he was delusional enough to think there was maybe a bit of chemistry. Sexual tension, if nothing else. That much had always been clear to him, regardless of what the truth could be. And it was such a rough time for everybody. For the survivors. Steve could be forgiven for going mad and telling Tony he loved him, in the midst of all this. 

He was going to tell him. And if it went well…he was going to shower him with kisses. Was going to caress his body, slowly tease away any pain. Was going to push Tony against the mattress with his body, make love to him right then and there if he would let him.

They were about to go back out into space. They would be toying with gravity, they'd be laughing in the face of physics. They'd be defying the gods who made this universe, re-creating magical stones that apparently controlled existence itself. Steve had no delusions that this would be an easy or safe mission. And if this was really it, if they were really going to win or die trying, then he wanted to show Tony just how much he loved him before the end. 

But then he saw the scar. The long gash, straight through Tony’s side. Skin angry red and purple and brown, bruised, healing, slowly, like a human does.  

It had made him see red. 

Thanos had penetrated the suit. Had almost taken Tony away from them - away from him , for good. Tony was lucky to be alive. 

Now wasn’t the time for confessions. Now was the time to focus. To make use of their luck. To thoroughly fucking destroy Thanos’ misdeeds and wipe away any trace of his existence.

So he had to leave. Right then and there. He loved Tony, of course he loved Tony. But that wouldn’t change after this mission. He still had time to tell him. They just needed to get this done first. 

He went straight to the archery grounds, where Natasha was already waiting for him. They warmed up - a few shots to some nearby targets, which they hit. Easy enough. The warmups were never the problem. 

The problem was the basketball sized target, a whole football field away. It was their job to get Steve to hit it. Once they did that, they would move on to further and smaller targets. The issue was - they hadn’t hit it once. Hadn’t even gotten close. Steve could easily get the distance he needed. He could use enhanced long-range arrows and stronger bows and even a few souped up crossbows Tony had built for them. Hell, he could just throw the arrow with his arm and easily get it out to a few hundred yards away, if he hit a good spiral, if he really tried. But distance wasn’t the problem. The arrow always ended up somewhere completely outside the scope of their target. 

“Maybe we could get a second spaceship - just to create the connection for Thor.” Natasha suggested after Steve missed another shot - this one hit a tree a few meters to the left of the target. “We could ask Nebula or Carol.” 

“Tony said we can’t get that close. The gravity will pull us in, and we would pull on the planet, and we might harm it, or throw it out of orbit directly into its own rings before we can do anything with it.” They had all but given up on the idea of Steve being the new shooter. They were mostly using this time to bounce ideas off each other. If nothing else, it was a good exercise to get out of their own heads. 

“You know,” Natasha said, “Clint always told me not to aim for the target. Instead, he’d tell me to look for the center of mass. If you know where that is in relation to everything around you, you can shoot the arrow in any direction, and you’ll hit the target every time.” 

“Hm.” Steve shot another arrow. This one didn’t hit anything, falling limp onto the ground beyond sight. “What does that even mean?”

“If I knew, I’d be way better at this.” Natasha replied as she shot an arrow of her own. A stray wind carried the arrow away.

Steve thought back to what Clint would do on the battlefield. He was always quick to shoot. He didn’t have to think about it, it was just second nature to him. Yet he would hit a bullseye when he needed to take someone down. When playing darts with the team at their old usual bar. When hitting the training dummies.

Clint never just hit the target. Never just hit the bullseye. He’d always hit it dead center. Every time. Without fail. 

He was seeing beyond the target. At some centering force that only he could see. Steve thought back to what Tony and Bruce explained in their meetings - the planet’s gravitational pull. They had told everyone that everything has a gravitational pull. Every planet, every moon, every person, even an apple, even an arrow, even this target, has a center of gravity.

Maybe that’s what Clint was using to aim. 

Steve tried to focus on everything around the target. The grass, softly swaying with the wind. The trees outlining the field, the leaves rustling, an acorn dropping onto the ground,  somewhere far to his right. The clouds above, blocking the sun, giving him a clear view of where to aim. He waited for the air to still. 

He shot once more. This one landed on the ground, just a couple feet in front of the target. 

“Close.” Natasha said. 

“Not close enough.” Steve replied. They didn’t have room for error on this. 

“But not bad.” A gruff voice called from behind them. They both turned to see Clint, walking up to them with a bow of his own. He took one of their arrows, weighing it in his hand for a moment before pulling the bowstring back and aiming up, towards the sky.

Steve watched as he let go, and the arrow went long, briefly coming to a standstill mid-air before it turned downwards, slicing through the air as it whizzed down, stopping with a hard thud directly into the target’s center. 

“Talked to Tony. I’ll be at the next meeting.” He told them, setting the bow back down. “I need this. More than anyone.” 

Steve nodded. The fact that Clint was calling him Tony and not Stark with his usual snarl gave him a bit of relief. 

“I can’t promise this will work.” Steve said. There was a lot riding on this. He hoped they wouldn’t be getting their hopes up for nothing. “If it doesn’t..”

“Then I’ll know I’ve done all I can.” Clint agreed.

“I can promise we’ll give it our all.” Steve added.

“That’s all I ask.”

Chapter 21: For You

Steve shot up, gasping for air, panicked and sweating. 

Another nightmare. 

This time, it had been Bucky’s eyes. 

He never saw Bucky afraid growing up. He’d always been Steve’s friend, as far back as he could remember. His brother. His protector. He was confident, brave, funny, loyal. His qualities were something Steve always strived for, even after Bucky went off to war, even after Steve became Captain America, even after he saved Bucky from the German war labs and from Hydra’s grip on his mind. 

They fought together, stuck together through thick and thin, even when things seemed impossible. 

And in a moment, Thanos had cut right through that. 

Seeing the fear, the confusion in Bucky’s eyes as he looked over at Steve.

“Steve?” He’d said. One word. If anyone knew what was happening, if anyone could save him, it had to be Steve. But he couldn’t. He’d failed him. Again. He knew he was turning to dust before their very eyes, and his last hope had been to call out for his friend. 

There had been many nights since then, where Steve tried not to lose all control at the thought of Bucky, and the others. He tried not to wonder whether they were dead. Whether they were in another dimension. Whether it hurt when it happened, whether they were in pain right now . Whether they would remember the pain and the afterlife if they did come back. There had been many times where Steve wished he couldn't remember his last excruciating minutes in the ice - freezing cold water filling his lungs, his body giving out, his consciousness fading away, but not fast enough. There were times where he wished he had died. He didn’t want to go through something like that ever again. But death, it was inevitable….

The image and the sound of his friend’s last word haunted him. He was spiraling now. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep tonight, and even if he tried, it was too late. Thoughts of death were already taking over, and he would only end up stressed out and sobbing by the end of it. There were only a couple days left until game day. He resigned himself to the fact that he probably wouldn’t be getting much rest until then, and got out of bed. Might as well start the day.  

---

The netting was done. 

Between Steve’s early rise this morning, and Natasha meeting him with coffee and an unspoken understanding that Steve was there to get out of his own head, they got it done earlier than anticipated. There was nothing left for the team to do but to test it out.

Clint did show up to the meeting that morning. Bruce and Thor embraced him, and Natasha held his hand through the meeting. He didn’t speak much, but he listened attentively, and confirmed he would be ready to execute the test tomorrow. Nebula and Rocket had found a decently sized asteroid wandering not too far outside their very own solar system. It would be the perfect subject to use their two extra Pym Particles on, to confirm their calculations. They just needed to run some numbers so they knew exactly what to expect during the test. 

While everyone else took a well deserved rest from the weeks of nonstop work, Steve couldn’t help but to check in on Tony (and Bruce) now and again in their lab as they worked out the last of the math. 

He brought Tony and Bruce meals and snacks. He kept their water bottles and coffee topped up without being asked. He cleaned up their discarded paperwork and quickly retrieved notes upon request. He even shooed away Scott when he came to bug them to pass the time. 

“Aww, really?” Scott groaned. “I just wanted to see what they were up to.”

“Sorry.” Steve herded him out. Scott was a great guy, but tended to be long-winded and could get off track pretty easily. “I’ve got my orders. I’m sure Rocket wouldn’t mind an electrical engineer’s take on that new explosive he’s toying with in the courtyard.”

“Oh?” Scott perked up. “Sounds fun.” Scott was about to leave when he turned back. “By the way, I’m glad you two are getting along now. You and Tony I mean. You know I’d always have your back, Cap. But it was hard to see Mommy and Daddy fighting. Er, not that you guys are - I mean - obviously you’d be the Daddy - wait no, I mean-” 

“Good bye Scott.” Steve put him out of his misery, and Scott gratefully took the out, ducking his head as he practically fled out to the courtyard. 

All day, Steve kept watch. If for no other reason than to keep himself occupied until the very end. The closer they got to finishing this, the more anxious he was becoming. 

Late into the night, Bruce finally emerged. Steve had been sitting on a lounge chair near the lab entrance, waiting for the two to finish. The lab doors opening certainly had not just startled him awake from a brief nap. 

“Done?” Steve asked, rubbing his eyes. 

“Not quite.” Bruce answered. “Tony’s keeping an eye on the simulation. Once it’s complete, we’ll have the final inputs we need to run the experiment tomorrow.” 

Steve nodded, or at least, he thought he did, but maybe he was a bit more tired than he realized, because Bruce continued.

“Shouldn’t be more than an hour or two, and there’s nothing left to do but wait, if you want to go in and wait with him.” 

Steve looked up and saw Bruce giving him a sly smile. It seemed, sometimes, like everyone else knew all about his love for Tony. Maybe he really did wear his heart on his sleeve, like Bucky would tell him all the time when they were growing up. 

Steve wondered how Bruce and Thor did it. It was obvious, by now, that they were lovers. He wondered if this romance was new to them, or if they had always felt this way about each other. If they worried about losing each other as much as Steve worried about losing Tony. Wondered if their newfound love was just a distraction from the mayhem of the world, or if it brought them some sort of peace and comfort in these trying times. 

“He’d like the company.” Bruce added, before saying goodnight and heading back to his room. Steve only considered it for a moment before he decided to take Bruce at his word.

When he entered the lab, it was distinctly dark and silent. It wasn’t the lively hustle and bustle it had been these last few weeks. Instead, only one screen was on, numbers and coding populating on it, and Tony was sitting in front of it on his old, dusty couch, elbow holding his weary head up as he tried not to fall asleep watching it. Steve walked a little heavier than usual, and tapped on a table on his way over, trying to make his presence known. Tony didn’t budge. 

“Hey.” He said, standing right by the couch. 

“Hm. Hey.” Tony mumbled out, eyes barely staying open.

“You want to take a break?” Steve asked. “I can stay and watch it, if you want to nap?” 

“Sure.” Tony patted the couch cushion next to him. Steve waited for Tony to get up and leave, but when he didn’t move, he took it as an invitation to sit, so he did. He didn’t even have time to make himself comfortable, much less register Tony repositioning himself to lean his head onto Steve’s shoulder. “Wake me when it’s done.” He grumbled out, as if this was a normal occurrence between them. 

Steve froze.

He tried not to move, not to breathe, as Tony snuggled closer and crossed his arms, shifting his legs beside him on the other side to really lean into Steve’s space. He didn’t know what to do. His bony shoulder couldn’t possibly be comfortable for Tony, right? Wait, was his shoulder even bony after the serum? Maybe it was just muscle now, maybe Tony was fine. But maybe it wasn’t comfortable and he’d shift away soon to find a better sleeping position. Steve didn’t want that. God, he hadn’t ever thought about the stability and muscle mass of his own shoulder before. 

Steve has been so tired before this - he was honestly just going to try to stay awake for Tony’s sake by playing some old crossword puzzles and mind-numbing brainteasers on his phone while Tony napped. He hadn’t expected this . Now he was wide awake, excruciatingly aware of every hard jutting appendage on his body and every movement that could wake Tony and make him move away. 

But this meant…maybe Tony was okay with touch? From Steve specifically? He’d seemed comfortable with it yesterday, when he offered up the massage. But this was a completely different situation. Yesterday, Tony had been in pain. And yes, maybe to Steve, it had been a flimsy excuse to let himself be closer to Tony, physically if nothing else, but now, in the peaceful darkness of the empty lab, it felt completely different. 

Maybe it was a long shot. Nevertheless, he moved his arm up - the same arm where Tony was currently resting his temple - and shuffled it behind Tony’s back. He pulled the sleepy engineer down onto his own chest, and leaned back onto the other arm of the couch, pulling Tony down with him so he could really stretch out and be comfortable. His heart was racing and he wondered if Tony would wake up. If he would recoil, tell him he’d gotten the wrong idea about the two of them, about the state of their friendship, their relationship - if there even was one to be had. The pounding in his ears was deafening, there was no way Tony wouldn’t be able to tell just how nervous he was. 

But if he could tell, he didn’t say anything, because the drowsy Tony quickly caught on and obliged, nuzzling against Steve’s chest and, just moments later, let out a contented sigh. Steve positioned his legs and arms so that Tony would slot right into him, and he did. It was perfect. He reached down and started stroking the back of Tony’s hair, and Tony quickly fell asleep, a small snore the only noise in the lab except for the constant whirr of the computer’s fans beside them. Steve stared at the continuous stream of information being displayed on the monitor. 

Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe this would be too much of a distraction - for the both of them. But he didn’t really care at this point. He knew he should feel guilty reveling in this. But he'd wanted this for so long. And when they thought they’d lost him …

He’d regretted everything. He had regretted hurting Tony over his own fears and insecurities. He had regretted never telling Tony, or at least showing him, how much he meant to him. He had regretted every time he would shy away from making Tony laugh. Regretted every birthday where Steve wondered if Tony would like receiving a bouquet of flowers, but ultimately never got him one. Regretted every time he let Tony go to medical without following him - to make sure he was okay, to hold his hand and tell him everything would be fine, as long as Steve was here to take care of him. Regretted every time he hadn’t taken the opportunity to make Tony feel loved. 

He hadn’t seen that regret in Clint yesterday. Clint had even said so himself - he would do it all again, would love just as hard, would let himself feel the pain of this loss every time, over and over, in any timeline, in any universe - to him it was all worth it, just to have the time he did with his family. Steve didn’t want to regret never trying. 

‘This is my second chance’  He told himself, letting the ease of their closeness, the comforting weight of Tony’s body against his, completely envelop the heartache of the last few months, the last few years. He watched the slow and steady breaths from Tony’s slightly parted lips. His arm wrapped around Tony’s side, holding him close. 

He spent the greater part of that hour admiring the man he’d loved for so long, thanking every God he could think of for allowing him this intimate moment he never would’ve dreamed of. Then, the screen beside them started to beep. The scrolling calculations came to a stop, and a few lines of numbers flashed at the end of the report. 

“Hey.” He whispered, rubbing Tony’s back to gently wake him. “It’s done.” 

“Mm?” Tony raised his head, bleary eyes looking at Steve, then over to the monitor. He reached over to the keyboard, typed out a quick email to Bruce, and then printed out a report, letting the printer at the end of the table finish its job before settling back into Steve’s chest. “Gn’night.” Tony mumbled. 

“You don’t need me to wake you again?” Steve asked. 

“Nn.” Tony nestled his face further into Steve’s shirt, indicating he was done with this conversation and everything else could wait until morning. Steve breathed a sigh of relief and let his head fall back into the couch cushion behind him. He rubbed Tony’s back until he fell asleep too. 

---

When Steve next opened his eyes, it wasn’t to a nightmare. His neck was a bit stiff from sleeping on a couch, but he was still comfortably wrapped around Tony. He slowly let himself drift back into the waking world. 

The lab had always been a confusing place where time didn't seem to exist. There weren't any windows, so Steve wasn't sure how long it had been. But he felt well rested. It must be morning. 

It was also warm. Peering down, he noticed someone had draped a blanket over them. He craned his neck back and saw that the printout was missing from the printer tray. Bruce must have stopped by sometime during the night. 

He also realized that he didn't hear any soft snoring anymore. Tony was awake in his arms, and had definitely noticed that he’d woken up too. 

Tentatively, he rubbed at Tony’s shoulder. He held his breath, hoping for a response, and he got one when Tony’s hand slipped down to Steve’s side, his thumb caressing over his ribs. 

They laid in silence for a long time. Today, they would be testing the shrinking device. It was the real thing. They would finally have some idea of whether their plan would work, or if it was all for naught. Just yesterday morning, Steve’s gut was churning at the thought that maybe, they might not succeed. That maybe they wouldn’t be able to bring everyone back. But right now, his faith was placed entirely in Tony. Tony could do anything he set his mind to. Tony could do the impossible. 

“Did Bruce pick up the specs?” Tony asked, after a long while. 

“Yeah.” Steve confirmed. 

Tony was silent again for a few more minutes. His expression was still hidden from view, and Steve wondered what he could be thinking about, when Tony spoke up again. 

“If this works..” He started. “If we bring everyone back, what happens next?” 

Steve was confused at the question. 

“I don’t know.” He answered, honestly. He hadn’t given himself permission to think that far ahead. 

Maybe this wasn’t the answer Tony wanted to hear, because Tony stopped rubbing at his side. 

“I mean, with us .” Tony said, quickly, like he was trying to rush the words out. “Do we just go back to normal? Whatever normal is? Do you fly back to Wakanda? Do I go back to Ross for the I-told-you-so’s? Do I never see you again?”

“No.” Steve furrowed his brow up at the ceiling, neither of them moving positions, but Steve’s grip on Tony’s shoulder may have gotten just a bit tighter. “No, of course not. I’ll still be here. I’m going to stay this time.” He answered earnestly. Whatever he needed to do to stay, he was more than sure he would do it. 

“You say you’re staying.” Tony shuffled back, lifting his head up to finally look Steve in the eyes. His bedhead was cute, but Steve tried not to stare at his wild hair as Tony spoke. “But what exactly are you staying for? For the Avengers? For the missions? Or is it-”

They heard the lab doors open behind them before Tony could finish asking. The both dropped the conversation and looked over at Bruce walking in. 

Bruce looked like he would almost turn around to walk back out, but it was too late, the moment was gone, it was obvious that Bruce came with some news. 

“We’re ready to start the test.” Bruce announced, unphased by their incriminating positioning. 

“Give me ten minutes.” Tony replied, standing so he could freshen up, to start the day, to begin changing the world again. Steve got up too, following both scientists out the lab doors. Before they split ways to their respective rooms, Steve took Tony’s hand in his, pulling Tony toward him, letting Bruce go on ahead. Tony looked down at Steve’s hand, then back up at him. 

“For us.” Steve answered. “I’m staying for us. For you.” 

Tony’s eyes searched his, and it seemed like he wanted to ask more questions, like he wasn’t fully convinced yet. But they were holding up the testing, and they needed to get moving. This wasn’t the time or place to discuss what that meant for them. 

“Okay.” He croaked out. Tony squeezed his hand before they went their separate ways.

Chapter 22: The Test

Notes:

Sorry for the late update 🙏🏽 we're getting to the good stuff soon!

The ride to space felt just as tense as last time. 

It was only a skeleton crew this time around. Natasha pointed out that most of them should stay behind - just in case something went terribly wrong. There would still be someone left on Earth to rebuild. She was right, of course. But it didn’t make the proposition any easier to hear. Despite the risks, Steve was always going to follow Tony anyways, no matter how far from Earth he strayed. 

And Rocket flew them out pretty far. There was only one jump point between Earth and the rogue asteroid, so once they passed Neptune, they still had a good hour or so of empty space to travel through. 

Clint kept to himself. He still hadn’t spoken much to the rest of the group, but he didn’t shy away from them anymore either. He looked to be concentrating on the task ahead. 

Thor was doing the same. Though he seemed to be getting better with Bruce around, it was still obvious that something inside him broke when Thanos won. Bruce and Thor had been the first of them to encounter Thanos on his rampage. And he was the first to lose so much - even before Thanos ever snapped everyone away. He and Bruce sat together as always, keeping each other grounded. 

That left the last of their crew. Tony and him. He’d held Tony’s hand through the whole trip, and they sat in silence the entire time, as did the rest of the passengers. Everyone was understandably nervous. 

“Ten minutes out.” Nebula called from the navigator’s seat, as she unclicked her seat straps. “Better start getting ready.” 

“I’ll help you guys suit up.” Tony stood, pulling Steve up with him. 

Steve, Clint and Nebula got changed into the spacesuits Tony had built for them. They were based off the original spare suits from Rocket’s ship, but of course - Tony being Tony - they were modified and upgraded, and even painted a sporty red and white. It was up to them to secure the connection to the asteroid. 

They spotted the chunk of space rock from afar. It was hard to tell, based on the vast expanse of nothingness surrounding them, just how large it would be. As they got closer and closer, Steve realized it was the size of a remarkably tall, and wide, skyscraper. 

As they came to a stop right next to it, the three astronauts headed for the airlock chamber. Thor presented Steve with his ax. Stormbreaker, he’d named it. Steve took it, gripping the hilt, feeling out the weight of it in his hand. Thor smiled at him when he did, and Steve wondered if Thor had ever known, deep down, that Steve thought he could’ve picked up Mjolnir, if he’d wanted to. He figured Thor didn’t need to know, and kept that information to himself. 

Before closing the bay doors, Tony intercepted Steve, handing him his bag of tools. Hands full, Steve stepped over the threshold and looked back at the rest of them. Tony held his hand up to Steve’s chest.

“Be safe.” Tony told him.

“I will be.” Steve assured him before stepping away and closing the door to the airlock between them. He would be safe. He was in a suit built by Tony, after all. 

Alarm bells and flashing lights filled the room as the air hissed out of the chamber, and the door to infinite space began to creak open. 

“So you’re Steve.” Nebula said, now that they were away from the others. 

He only nodded, half because he didn’t know what to say to that, and half because he thought all the air might get sucked out of his lungs if he tried to say anything at all as the doors to the outside of the spaceship finished opening up. 

“When I first saw you, I thought you’d be taller.” She continued, seemingly unphased by the vast expanse of their surroundings. “You’d think - the way he talked about you, that you’d be more handsome, too.” 

He heard Clint snort from his other side. 

“Oh, Lord.” Steve couldn’t help but chuckle at the remark. He was equal parts flattered that Tony had apparently told her about him - but also a bit worried that maybe that wasn’t a good thing.  She gave him a mischievous smirk as she pushed herself off the opposing wall and started floating towards the asteroid. He could see why Tony had taken a liking to her. He found that her callous but casual attitude helped encourage him, so he mustered up all his courage and kicked off the wall too, into outer space right behind her. Clint locked his carabiner in place against the outer walls of the ship, and watched them fly away. 

He had been nervous, not being tethered to the ship, thinking he might float off into deep space, never to be seen again. He found that he didn’t need to worry about that, though. The asteroid was much larger than the ship, and its gravity, like magic, pulled them closer and closer, gently guiding them to its surface. They landed without any issue, and Steve looked back to the ship. 

“Can you hear us?” Steve turned his comms on, and only a second later, he heard Tony reply. 

“One small step for genetically modified man…” 

“Tony.” 

“Oh come on.” He swore he could almost make out Tony’s giddy grin from here, but in reality, they all looked like tiny specs in the windows against the bright lights of the ship illuminating the ground for them. “Can’t we get just one little dramatic speech?”

“We’ll go ahead with the implants.” Steve replied.

They pulled a red flag out of their toolbox and hammered its pole into the ground. 

“We’ll meet back here.” Steve told Nebula when they were done. 

“I’ll take this side,” She pointed behind her, “You take the other.” She turned back and started her trek. They each walked to opposite ends of the asteroid, and Steve found that he weighed significantly less than he did back on Earth. If anything, the suit’s gravitational calibrator was the only thing keeping him steady. He practically floated his way over to his end of the asteroid, taking out the housing unit which held one of the Pym Particles they would be using today. He tried to look inside, but he didn’t see anything other than some red liquid splashing around in there. He wondered if they’d remembered to put the particle in, but figured that even if they did, it was probably too small for even him to see with the naked eye. 

He drilled a stake into the ground of the asteroid, and screwed the particle casing on. Then he radio’d back to the ship. 

“Hey, Thor?” He asked. “Just chuck it in over here?” 

“Aye.” Thor answered. “Use all your strength.” 

Steve did. He anchored his feet against some rocks, steadying himself before he raised the ax above him, and pulled down with all his might. The ax broke several inches through some rocks near the Pym Particle, becoming lodged into the ground. Steve let go and pushed on the handle a bit. It wasn’t budging. Perfect. 

His job was done. 

He headed back to the flag, where Nebula was waiting. They both pushed off the asteroid to jump back towards the ship. As they did, he felt the asteroid shift a bit under his feet. It was true, what Tony had said. Every little thing would affect its gravity. 

They turned their jet packs on, and they were able to steer themselves right back into the airlock, where Clint grabbed hold of them and helped them lock their suits onto the ship too. 

“We’re gonna back off to the designated distance.” Tony spoke through their headsets. “Any space cadets want back in before we start?” 

Nebula shook her head, and Clint smirked. 

“I think they want to keep their front row seats.” He remarked.

“Yep.” Steve agreed.

“Good.” Clint and the others held on to the wall grips as the ship flew away from the asteroid. It got smaller and smaller, until Steve wondered if they were getting too far for comfort. Eventually, the ship came to a halt when the asteroid was off in the distance. 

“Deploying the nets.” Tony said into their comms. The two housing units Steve and Nebula had planted started to flash, blinking red lights alerting, and the vibranium netting the team had worked so hard to weave shot out. Just as planned, the netting ejected high and far from both units, until they met in the middle, magnetic clamps neatly bonding them together. The entire asteroid was now covered in thin, but strong netting. The pliable plastic of the flag at the center bent a bit under the weight of the net, but held firm. 

“Pym Particles activating.” Tony warned. “Keep your eye on the ball, birdbrain.” 

Clint focused all his attention on the asteroid as they watched the two housing units glow brighter and brighter until suddenly, the netting on the asteroid’s surface began to vibrate, and just as quickly, shrunk in a sea of waving lights, smaller and smaller until Steve couldn’t see anything at all anymore, except for maybe a tiny speck of light where the asteroid had once been. He wasn’t even sure if he was seeing the asteroid at all, or if it was just another star in the backdrop. 

“Sensors reading a size of 152.7 millimeters.” Bruce joined the call. “Both units holding steady, no unexpected energy output.” He heard a click behind them and Clint was opening up a drawer sent out to them from inside the ship. He pulled out an arrow with a very thin and short needle at its point, attached to a long, winding bulk of rope.    

“That’s…” Steve breathed out. “It’s too small.” He could barely make out the light from the shrunken asteroid against its infinite surroundings. There was no way Clint could hit it from here. 

“Nope.” Clint confidently drew his arrow back and shot. No hesitation, no second thoughts. They watched the arrow fly off, further and further, rope quickly unrolling beside them. The arrow remained oddly stable, keeping its direction straight and true, until finally it stopped, and the rope pulled taut.

“We’re connected.” Bruce announced. 

“Told ya.” Clint said. Steve gave him a pat on the shoulder. It was impressive work. 

They watched as the rope started to shine a bright white. Thor’s electrical output, making its way down the line until it hit the target. 

Then they waited. Steve knew, right now, they were testing the line, to see if he could really perceive anything on the asteroid from so far away. After several grueling seconds, Thor came back on the comms.

“I feel it. I feel Stormbreaker.” 

A chorus of cheers filtered through the comms. They all breathed a sigh of relief. It had worked. They got the net to deploy. They had shrunk the asteroid. They created a secure connection. They could get Thor to remotely sense the asteroid’s surface. It was all done according to plan. 

“Alright, team.” Steve said. “Well done. Get us back inside. We’ll wait out the pym particles from there.” 

---

Steve was relieved to be back inside the ship. Space was unfathomably extraordinary and beautiful, but he wasn’t a fan. 

Although the job was mostly done, they still had a lot to do. Tony and Bruce kept an eye on the monitors, to make sure nothing would interfere with the tech. To check the stability of the shrunken matter. To record how long the particles would hold that size. 

Thor, hand planted firmly against a metallic manifold which connected the line directly to the asteroid, hadn’t moved. He kept his attention focused on his role, despite the whirlwind of excited scientists around him. It was awe-inspiring to see him directing his electric energy solely through the palm of his hand. Steve always thought Thor’s lightning was wild and erratic. Powerful, of course, but he never thought it could be used so precisely like this. 

They waited exactly two hours, fifty-three minutes, and twelve seconds. That’s how long Bruce and Tony expected the Pym Particles to hold. 

And right on time, the asteroid began to vibrate a bright white, and then suddenly bounced back to normal size, completely unscathed, like nothing ever happened. They flew back into its orbit, watching from the ship as the nets retracted back into their housing. 

There - they could see it. Stormbreaker, laying mere inches from the first pole Steve and Nebula had planted on the ground, the flag cut clean in half. Proof that Thor could manipulate the ax from his connection through the manifold alone. 

“You did it.” A proud Bruce squeezed Thor’s arm in delight. Thor nodded in return; a hesitant, unsure gesture. Steve could understand. The test went perfectly. But the real deal was tomorrow, and at best, he felt cautiously optimistic. 

“Welp, let’s pick up our mess.” Rocket called out, turning the thrusters on, and driving them back to the asteroid.

Chapter 23: Something more

Once they got back to the compound, they excitedly told the others of their success. They called Carol on the communicator to have her meet them at the compound tomorrow, and she agreed. They were ready, and didn’t want to delay. 

Bruce offered to cook a big meal for everyone. Whether it was to commemorate their small victory today, or to tire everyone out enough to encourage a good night’s rest for tomorrow, everyone was on board and eager to celebrate. It felt like the first time in ages they had reason to be optimistic. The others excitedly offered to help, to clean the dining area, to go grab drinks. 

Amidst the excitement, Steve noticed that Tony was nowhere to be found. This was typical, honestly - Tony always seemed to live in his own little world. Steve decided to check the lab, where he was sure he would find him. 

And he did find him. 

Building…a gauntlet?

“I thought we already finished Carol’s gauntlet?” Steve asked, and Tony jumped, wide eyes meeting his, clearly having just realized Steve was in the room. 

“Um..” He looked down at his work, putting down the hand welder. Steve realized it wasn’t Carol’s gauntlet he was working on. It was the Ironman suit’s. Six openings, one for each stone, on Ironman’s right hand. 

“Why…?” He stared, looking up at Tony’s guilty face. 

“It’s a redundancy.” Tony quickly retorted. “Just in case.”

“In case of what? ” Steve asked. “The plan is to let Carol use the stones.”

“The plan is to bring everyone back. No matter what it takes.” Tony stood his ground, coming off more defensive than Steve would've expected over something small like a 'redundancy'. 

“She said she would. There’s no need for anyone else to have a gauntlet.” 

“I know.” Tony squared his shoulders like he always did when he needed to argue with Steve. But Steve didn’t want to argue. This wasn’t an argument. No one else should use the stones. It would be a suicide mission. “But… I mean…In case she won’t for…some reason. We need a backup.”

“What do you mean in case she won’t ?” Steve asked. It made no sense. The plan was perfect, or so it seemed. There was no need to go changing things this late into the game. “Has she told you something she hasn’t told the rest of us?” 

“No...” Tony answered. 

“Then?” Steve pleaded. Tony sighed. He rubbed at his eyes, a migraine surely taking hold. 

“Do you trust her?” He asked. 

It seemed like the craziest question to ask at the moment. 

“We have no choice.” Steve replied. Yes, they had only met her once, but she did fight alongside them against Thanos. She did save Tony’s life. “She’s powerful, but she’s an Earthling, like us. She wants to fix things as much as anyone else. And she’s the only one of us who can use all six stones at the same time to bring everyone back. ”

“We don’t know that for sure.” He said, and quickly raised his hand to stop Steve before he could argue back. “Besides, that’s not the part I’m worried about. I’m worried about the after. ”

The after. Again. Tony was always ten steps ahead of everyone else. It was in his nature. But again, Steve didn’t see the correlation. 

“What do you mean after?” He asked, slight indignation lacing his words. 

“What do you propose we do with the stones once the job is done?” Tony asked, straightforward for once. 

Steve honestly hadn’t given it any thought. It didn’t matter to him in the slightest - as long as they could get the job done and bring everyone back - he couldn’t care less what happened to the stones from there. 

But it mattered to Tony. Mattered enough that he was apparently making himself a gauntlet to take the stones once this was all done. So he gave it some thought.

He mulled it over. The stones were all-powerful, apparently. They could do a lot of good. But it was obvious - they could also do a lot of bad. No one should be capable of that much power. They could try to separate the stones again, across the galaxy. It was possible. They had new alien friends. They could give them to Thor. His people had guarded sacred, ancient artifacts like those for eons back on their home world. But then again, his people no longer had a home world. 

And besides, having the stones separated by galaxies and hiding them in safeguards hadn’t deterred Thanos in the slightest. 

“We need to destroy them again.” Steve decided. 

“Exactly.” Tony snapped his fingers. “And do you think Carol would agree to that?”

Steve wasn’t so sure.

“I don’t know...” He truthfully muttered.  

Really, it was the only logical conclusion. If they could bring back Wanda, and then if she was willing to help…or if they could convince Carol to follow the same logic…

It would be a big ask, especially now, before they even finished the plan. They couldn’t count on Wanda agreeing to something that would mean no chance of Vision ever coming back. Carol could probably do it, but Tony was right. They didn’t know much about her, other than the fact that she was on their side. For now. The saying, 'power corrupts,' suddenly lingered on his mind. He didn’t think Carol was like that, but then again, they couldn’t risk Carol defecting from the team if she disagreed now, when they needed her the most. Like she'd said before: there were a lot of planets out there, with their own people. Their own systems and structures and problems, just like Earth. Having some all-powerful stones at your disposal could really go a long way in fixing some of those problems...but he didn't think the risk was worth it. Would Carol agree?

“And what are you planning to do?” Steve was still hesitant about letting this go. “You can’t take Carol on, you can’t force the stones away from her if she doesn’t agree.” 

“I know.” Tony shuffled in place. “But I can try.” 

“I can’t believe it.” Steve huffed. Bewildered. “You always do this.” 

“Always do what ,” Tony sneered back in annoyance. “Try to keep us safe from universe-destroying magic marbles?” 

“Try to keep us safe from everything.” Steve implored. “By yourself. You shouldn’t be putting this enormous responsibility on yourself. This is why you have us. Your team. We should be figuring this out together. Why didn’t you come to me about this sooner? Or at all? ”

“Because you would’ve reacted just like this.” Tony scoffed. “Besides, we already had this conversation. By the way, Pot,” Tony pointed at Steve, then at himself. “Kettle. You were the one trying to sign yourself up for suicide missions first. We already agreed that none of us should be using the stones because it’ll kill us. Fine. I didn’t say I was going to use them. Just…keep them out of contention until we find a way to get rid of them.” 

“Then make me a gauntlet.” Steve replied. Tony’s eyebrows furrowed, an angry stare right back at him. 

“No.” Tony put his foot down. “I know you. You’d try to destroy them on your own, if it came down to it. I can’t let anyone else put themselves in danger over this.”

“Oh, but it’s okay for you to be in danger?” Steve was getting exasperated. “I know you too, you know. You’d do the same thing. But I’m a supersoldier, Tony. I’m stronger. If either of us can take it, it would be me.” 

“That’s exactly it.” Tony said, shoulders slumping. “You’re stronger. You’re faster. You’re kinder. You’re noble….and selfless….you’re un-corruptible. You’re irreplaceable. The world needs you more than it needs Ironman.”

“That’s…” The mood shifted so quickly. Steve could see it laid out in front of him all over again. The man he loved so dearly, making the sacrifice play. “That’s not true. You’re the irreplaceable one, Tony.” 

“Am I?” Tony huffed. “Anyone can wear the suit. FRIDAY knows the specs, she can make more if needed. Rhodey and Bruce know how to operate it. My estate will leave a large fund for the Avengers, they can operate for at least a couple generations without me. You all will be fine.” 

“I’m not talking about Ironman.” Steve stepped forward, clutching Tony’s hands in his without regard for how desperate it made him look. “I’m not talking about your money or Stark Industries. I’m talking about you. Tony Stark. You’re irreplaceable. The world needs you. I need you.” Tony’s eyes met him when he said that. “We don’t trade-”

“Lives. We don’t trade lives.” Tony finished his sentence, voice snagging in his throat. “I know. But Steve, it’s trillions of lives. Something has to give. It's worth it. To bring everyone back. To keep everyone safe after that.”

“It’s not worth it.” Steve felt hot tears pricking his eyes. It sounded naive. Of course a countless number of lives throughout the universe were more important than one man. But not to him. “It’s trillions of lives but there’s only one you. I can't lose you again. I thought I lost you, before. I couldn't...I didn't want to keep going. I had to, but...” 

He thought back to when he left Tony, in Siberia. A cold, lonely fate. Is this what it was like? To think you were losing someone for good? He deserved this pain, he thought. But even so, he wouldn’t let Tony do this. At least, not alone.  

He couldn't do this again. Couldn't handle another back and forth, couldn't go through the motions of on and off fighting with him again and again. It felt like he would vomit out the words anyways…he had to say the silent part out loud. 

“I love you.” His voice faltered only for a moment, cracking in the back of his throat. “I’ve loved you for…I don’t even know how long. Years.” Tony’s breath hitched. His brows furrowed, and he searched Steve’s eyes. He must’ve realized then…Steve wasn’t lying. Steve felt like his heart might pound its way out of his chest, but he had to keep going. He had to get it all out. 

“When I first met you. I thought you were the most arrogant, self centered, pretentious prick…and also the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. When I got to know you better, even over that same day, I realized you were more than that. You were also kind and thoughtful and caring and self sacrificing. And over the years. I learned you were selfless in a way I never could have imagined. You're arrogant because you know you're right, when everyone can't see what you see. You always give your all, not because you want to prove anything to anyone, but because you know how much you have to give, because you know the world deserves your all.

When I found out... about Bucky. I knew you were my friend. My closest friend in this time. I knew I didn't want to lose you, or hurt you. I know I fucked up. I was an idiot and I lost you. I lost you and I thought I would never see you again, but you were doing better off without me so...I could live with that. But then Thanos happened and…and I just got you back. I love you so much and I can't lose you again, Tony.”

That was it. This was no longer an innocent, platonic conversation between friends. 

Tony knew. Now he knew how he felt. But he didn’t look angry, or disgusted. He looked…sad? 

A hand, moving up to caress his jaw, stroking his scratchy beard, pulled him down, closer and closer, until Tony’s nose grazed his cheek. 

“I missed you.” Tony whispered into his neck.

“I missed you, too.” Steve whispered back, arms fully wrapped around him now, a tight embrace. He didn’t know if Tony meant that he missed him during the time they spent apart after Siberia. If he meant the time he was lost in space. If he meant the time there was a growing gulf between them after Ultron. If he meant just the last few weeks, when they had to work with the team, day in and day out, instead of spending every waking moment together, helping Tony heal, just the two of them. But whatever, or when ever he meant, Steve agreed. He’d always missed Tony. Every second they were apart, he missed Tony.  “I missed you so much.” 

They stood like that for what felt like an eternity. Nestled together, holding each other, Tony nuzzling him. Steve wanted to turn his face, just a few inches, meet his lips, but he wasn’t sure yet. He still didn’t know how Tony felt, for sure. 

After a long while, Tony pulled back, and stepped away. Steve’s arms felt empty. Tony inhaled sharply. Steve could practically see the gears turning, wheels spinning in his head. He was taking in the news like it was a hard math equation. Like it was a problem to be solved. 

“Okay.” Tony said, plainly. 

“Oh…kay?” Steve echoed. What did that mean? 

“I’ll build you a gauntlet too.” Tony’s hands balled up into fists, like he was anxious about something. “But you have to promise me you won’t try to destroy them by yourself. The stones. Not unless you really, really have to. And even then. If you have to, if there’s no other way…we do it together. You and me.” 

It sounded like a compromise. 

“Okay.” Steve replied. He never intended to use the stones. But he didn’t want Tony to have that responsibility alone. He could convince Carol to destroy them, when the time was right. He was sure of it. But if this assurance would keep Tony safe, then so be it. “I promise.”

“You’ll have it by morning.” Tony said, a little too casually. Like the conversation they just had didn’t happen. He turned his back to Steve, picking up some scrap metal from his pile, and starting some new welding on the table in front of him. “It won’t take long. I’ll be fine. Please, go get some rest.”

The instructions felt cold and impersonal. He wanted to ask if he was sure. If he needed help. If he wanted company through the night. 

But Steve felt vulnerable. He’d just opened up to Tony. Told him the truth - the entire truth. And Tony hadn’t given him a direct response. So he left the lab, like a wounded dog, tail tucked between his legs. 

He didn’t know what he’d expected by telling him how he felt. Maybe he’d hoped Tony would say it back. But it wasn’t fair - to expect him to feel the same way when Steve had never even indicated he’d been interested, much less the enormous leap to love . More realistically, he had been expecting retaliation. Disgust. Anger, maybe, how could Steve love him when he’d hurt him so badly?

Neither of those came true - instead an odd indifference. It was like deja vu - like after they left the Garden planet - he was in some sort of limbo. The truth was out there. There was no immediate way forward, and it was impossible to turn back. 

He decided to give Tony some space. He hated to admit that maybe he’d let himself get too close, too quickly. Tony was just now warming up to him again after Steve had hurt him so badly. After their spat ended up paralyzing his best friend. After they broke the Avengers up. He’d just earned Tony’s trust again. Why did he think it was a good idea to tell him? Maybe he’d only created a distraction for the brilliant scientist, one that he would be forced to ignore until the task was complete. 

“You okay?” 

Steve almost jumped out of his skin as he realized he’d wandered into a quiet part of the courtyard. Bruce had come to find him. 

“I thought you were cooking.” Steve avoided the question.  

“Not anymore.” Bruce let out a little laugh. “As soon as I turned on the stove, Scott insisted on helping to man the pan, then Rocket started bringing out some weird ingredients from another planet and I ended up getting pushed out of my own kitchen.”

“Oh.” Steve dumbly replied. 

“ Are you okay?” Bruce asked again. “I thought you and Tony would be celebrating arm in arm by now.” 

That stung. Steve tried to think of something to say, but nothing was coming out.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” Bruce quickly said.

“It’s...It’s fine.” Steve tried to lie, but couldn’t think of anything else to say. Bruce ushered them over to one of the benches to sit for a while. 

They sat together in silence for a bit. Steve usually wasn’t one to let his emotions out, especially in front of the team. But he found that the more he tried to keep it in, the more his chest felt like it was on fire with shame and humiliation. 

“I told him.” Steve finally admitted. “I told him how I feel. I told him I love him.” 

Bruce didn’t say anything. 

“He didn’t say it back.” Steve continued. “I know I shouldn’t have expected him to but…I don’t know. I thought…I thought he would. ” He confessed, and now that it was coming out, he couldn’t stop it. “It shouldn’t matter. But I just wanted to know. And now I regret it, I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have let him work, let him finish this job. Now I don’t even know where we stand and I’m distracting him and fuck why did I do this today of all days.”

Steve covered his face with his hands and groaned into them. This had been a massive mistake. Bruce let some time pass before he spoke up. 

“If there’s one thing I know about you and Tony, it’s that you’ve both always had something more going on between you. Something bigger than just teammates or just friends. It’s been obvious to the rest of us, from the beginning.” Bruce gazed up into the sky, a purple and pink twilight above. “You both fought like an old married couple from day one. You always looked for each other in the battlefield, and were the first to check in on each other when the fights were over. You always waited to start training and meetings until he showed up. He always went to you for validation and praise for his work. You’d always take each other’s opinions to heart - going so far as to ignore the rest of us if one of you upset the other. It’s funny how clear it was to the rest of us.” 

Steve didn’t reply. All that may be true. But it didn’t change anything.

“You've never given yourselves a chance to explore that. It was never the right time.” Bruce continued. “It’s never the right time, for people like us. Who have so much responsibility, so much holding us back from living a normal life. Even now. We’re all here, taking a shot in the dark, trying against all odds to fix a broken universe. This shouldn’t be the time for love. Yet...” Bruce’s gaze fixed on a tall mass of clouds, far in the distance, engulfing the horizon. “Yet here we are. It’s okay to be confused. It’s okay to be sad, to mourn what could have been. To grieve a love that couldn’t be.” 

Steve’s heart sank. Maybe that was the truth of the matter. Their love just couldn’t be.

“Or maybe, we love anyways.” Bruce leaned back into the bench. “Maybe we don’t need anyone’s permission to love. Maybe we shouldn’t give a fuck about timing, about when it’s okay to feel happy. About whether we deserve it. Nothing is normal right now, and knowing our luck, nothing ever will be normal. Maybe Tony just needs time to realize that. And until then…I think he would be happy to know that you love him all the same.” 

Bruce looked at him then, expectantly. Steve nodded. It was true. They had been through hell and back together. He’d always love Tony. No matter what. 

“I’m gonna go make sure those lunatics haven’t burned down the kitchen yet.” Bruce stood. “Give him some time. Tony shows love in odd ways. You know he’s always in his own little world.” 

Steve thanked him. He didn’t feel so burdened anymore. Maybe Bruce was right. He couldn’t afford to let this get to him right now, but even if it did, he could grieve and put his all into this mission at the same time. He was an Avenger, after all. 

Before Bruce opened the door back to the compound, Steve had to know something.

“Bruce?” He blurted out. “What would you do with the stones? After we bring everyone back?”

Bruce smiled back at him as he reached for the door handle. 

“Destroy them.”

Chapter 24: Our moment

It was a rough night. He tossed and turned for a long time before finally falling into a restless sleep. 

Hours later, what woke him was hearing a whoosh of air and a powerful, forceful landing on the courtyard outside. Carol was here. 

It was time to get started. He put on his spacesuit - Tony had made everyone their own suits for the mission - because he's an overachiever, sure. But mostly, because he would never leave anything to chance if he could help it.

In the courtyard, he helped the others load up the ship with their supplies. They would have a lot more vibranium netting to work with this time around. An asteroid was one thing - an entire dwarf planet was another - they would need the help of everyone on the team to get the planet covered completely. 

He was cataloging everything going onboard when Bruce came up and took his clipboard from him. 

“Hey!” Steve objected, but Bruce took his pen too and stepped out of reach. 

“Tony wants to see you.” He clicked Steve’s pen at him with a teasing slant. “He’s in the common room. Hurry up, we’re almost ready to go.” 

Steve hadn’t seen Tony all morning. He didn’t think Tony was avoiding him, but he wouldn’t be surprised - or offended - if he was . After his completely uncalled for confession last night - he didn’t want to be a disturbance. But Tony had asked for him, so he left the others to finish organizing outside and went to the conference room.

As he’d done a million times before, he ran an errant hand through his hair. He straightened his posture. It was second nature, now, anytime he knew he was going to see Tony, to try to look his best. It was futile, he knew, even as he nervously brushed off nonexistent lint from his suit. Tony was a smart man. He’s already made his mind up about him. There was nothing he could do to impress him in that way. He found a suited up Tony in the meeting room, holding the Captain America shield, face lighting up at seeing him. Steve hoped that was a good thing. 

“I believe this is yours,” Tony said, in his usual teasing humor, handing the shield over. "Don’t lose it again. Next time, I'm keeping it.” 

Steve took the shield, and noticed - there weren’t straps on the back anymore to hold it. Instead, the usual magnetic clips that held the shield to the back of his suit had a gauntlet attached to them. A more sturdy, steady option as a way to wield it. That would put the force of any hits onto this shoulder, rather than his forearm, and he had to admit, it was a genius upgrade, even for Tony.

“Thank you.” Steve said. Tony had made him a gauntlet after all. He’d even built it to lock into the shield, when needed. And that meant a lot. “I know this is hard. And I know - I shouldn’t have said…I shouldn't have put that burden on you last night, after everything. After we just made amends. But thank you for trusting me. I promise - I won’t use it unless I need to.”

"I've forgiven you a long time ago.” Tony walked closer, stepping into Steve’s personal space - not that Steve minded. “It's time you forgive yourself." Steve’s eyes followed Tony’s hand as it reached up to him, and he brushed his palm over Steve’s cheek. Steve melted into it, relishing in his warm touch. 

“The way I was acting those days after I gave you back the shield - my little hissy fit, if you will. It had nothing to do with me trusting you or not.” Tony continued. “It had everything to do with - and I’m being very honest with you here - the fact that I thought you only stuck around because you felt some duty or obligation to take care of me, to play nurse, and not because you wanted to be here.”

“That’s not true.” Steve said, and Tony smiled. 

“I know that now.” His eyes were soft, like he really did believe him. Like he really knew how Steve felt. He pulled his hand away, and Steve’s almost followed, but he composed himself. “You don’t owe me anything. I want you here. With me. Not because I need your help, or because I can’t take care of myself, or for any reason like that. I want you here because I care about you. If somehow our plan today works. If somehow it doesn’t . I want you to know I trust you and I don’t want you to go. I want you in my life.”

That meant so much coming from Tony.

“I’ll be here.” Steve promised. “You’re stuck with me for the long run.”

“Good.” Tony said. A weight lifted from his chest. Tony wanted him around. Even after last night. Even after knowing the truth about how he felt. 

Steve held up the shield. He appreciated the careful attention to detail, a  characteristic Tony always showed through all his work. He carefully removed the gauntlet from the shield. 

“I don’t think I’ll need the shield for this mission, though.” He half-joked, holding it in his other arm. 

“You never know. It’s a big universe out there. Better safe than sorry right?” Tony quipped right back. “Plus, it just doesn’t feel right - seeing you all suited up without it.” Tony ran his fingers over Steve’s suit, caressing his arm, like he was remembering what it felt like - for the two of them to be in battle together, side by side. 

He thought back to all those years, long ago with this very shield, with the suits Tony would make for him because he wanted Steve to be safe, to be comfortable. Even a little selfishly - he’d told Steve more than once that SHIELD’s old costume did nothing for his ass. 

They were just jokes, back then. But now as Tony’s hand lingered on his arm, Steve wasn’t so sure that Tony didn’t love him back. All the things he’d done for him. All the times he’d stuck by him, even when he didn’t deserve it. All the jokes and flirting and lingering touches and long nights talking about nothing and everything.

He caught Tony’s hand in his own, and pulled it up to his lips. He planted a soft, delicate kiss on it, a promise that no matter what happened today, he’d stay by Tony’s side. 

He didn’t need Tony to say it back. Didn’t need to know whether Tony loved him or not. This was enough. Getting to love him, in the small ways they took care of each other, every day. It was enough to just see him blush, to see his adorable laugh, like he did right now, when Steve held his hands to his lips, stalling just a little more, keeping him to himself just a moment longer. 

It was enough for Steve to just know he was happy. He’d live his life on the sidelines if he had to. The privilege of being in Tony’s life was enough. He would give up his pride for Tony. Would let his feelings bleed through, would take rejection, would carry an unrequited torch for Tony for the rest of his life if it meant staying beside him.

Steve could hear the others on the courtyard, loading up into the ship. It was time to go. But Tony wasn’t in a hurry. He pulled Steve close, coaxing a hold from him. Tony’s arms wrapped around his neck, and Steve’s arms wrapped around his waist. This moment was theirs. The mission could wait a minute. 

No matter what happened today, they would have each other.

Chapter 25: We're calling the shots

Notes:

This is when the fun begins 😀

“Site 20 checking in: We’re ready.” Natasha called out on the comms. She and Steve patiently waited for a response from the ship flying above the planet’s bright green surface. If it wasn’t for the planet’s orbiting ring and orange sky, he would’ve guessed they could be back on Earth. A beautiful forest around them with familiar looking trees, lush thick grass surrounding their boots. 

“Great. You’re the last ones. Swinging back around now.” Nebula replied, steering the ship back towards the surface of the planet. It hadn’t taken long for them to get all twenty of the Pym Particle housing units drilled across the surface of the planet. The hardest part had been, again, up to the two scientists, to tell them exactly which coordinates to drill at. 

Steve watched the ship land and the entrance hatch open. He would never have guessed, back in his old life, that he would travel through space. Not once, not twice - but three times. Once he and Natasha - the last of the drill team - were back onboard, Nebula pulled them back out, far from the planet’s surface. He would never get tired of it - the rush of adrenaline and fascination at breaking through the sound barrier each time, pulling up into the upper atmosphere in seconds, like it was as simple as an elevator ride. 

He also hoped, though, that this would be the last time he needed to come out to space. 

“Did the last one lock into place?” Tony asked once Steve was back in the fuselage. 

“Worked like a charm.” Steve gave the thumbs up, prompting Thor to get into position at the manifold with Bruce. 

Thor’s job today would be harder, much harder than the trial run.

“All-clear.” Nebula’s voice rang out through the cargo bay speakers. They were finally far enough away from the planet to activate the Pym Particles. Steve looked out the windows. The ship was static in space, Nebula had positioned them so the planet’s rings wouldn’t block their view. He did feel awful, knowing they would be thrashing a perfectly good planet. Growing up during the Great Depression, it was ingrained into him that he should never let anything go to waste - not a slice of bread, not a piece of cheese, not a block of wood. Everything had a purpose, everything, and every one had value. 

They could be forgiven, though. The fates of so many were in their hands. 

Clint and Carol got ready to go out the back cargo doors. The team had planned to give Clint enough space to use the ship’s harpoon, and a magnifying scope if needed. He refused it though. 

“Just give me a heads up when you’re going to shrink.” He requested.

“He acts like he’s done this a million times.” Natasha teased. 

“Ha.” He replied, stretching out his arms before jumping out into space, and locking himself onto the outer part of the ship. Carol followed, flying out to the other side of the planet, leaving a red, glowing trail of afterburn on the planet’s upper atmosphere in her wake.  

“Neat party trick.” Clint mumbled through the comms.

“Ha.” Carol replied in turn. At least they knew communications were working. 

Steve met up with the others at the main ship bay with a clear view of the action. Nebula joined them, leaving Rocket to keep the ship steady. Rhodey followed suit, the last of the crew for today’s mission, who had made quick friends with the equally dry and sarcastic blue alien. They had left Scott back on Earth, Steve was doing good on his promise - he hoped all would go according to plan today. But if not, he couldn’t risk letting Scott get hurt. He’d promised his family that they would return him safe and sound, and he intended to do just that. 

Everyone else knew the risks, and were more than ready to volunteer to come. 

Thor was positioned into place, the large, metal manifold linked by vibranium cord to Clint’s arrow. Bruce and Tony were entering in the final calculations. 

“How you feeling, Thor?” Steve asked. They were all nervous. No use hiding it.

“I am ready.” Thor plainly replied. Fair. 

“Same.” Carol jumped on the comms. “Got my catcher’s mitt on and I’m all warmed up.”

“I’m in position too.” Clint came back on their headset. “Are we doing this or not?” 

It was time to start. 

“Alright, team.” Steve announced. “Let’s give it our all. Here goes nothing.” 

“You heard the man.” Tony concurred. “Let’s light her up.”

Bruce flipped a switch, and all twenty Pym Particle casings began to flash. All at once, they deployed the netting. From all around the planet, large swaths of netting shot up into the atmosphere, engulfing the surface of the planet. Several hundreds of meters into the air, they locked together, magnetically attaching to each other, and soon the netting completely surrounded every inch of the planet, like a layer of chainmail surrounding a ball. 

The netting broke through clouds, sopping wet as the tension pulled them down against the planet’s land. Trees shook and branches snapped under the sudden covering. The small hills and mountains jutted up, stretching the netting, but it held firm. 

Steve was awestruck. It reminded him of Tony’s warning, that they needed to protect Earth, needed to build a suit of armor around it. This wasn't exactly the same thing, but it was amazing what Tony and Bruce could do with such little warning, and with a lot of persistence. 

“Full coverage achieved.” Bruce confirmed. “The port on your side should be open, Carol.”

“I see it.” She confirmed. “I see the opening.”

“Alright Katniss.” Tony told Clint. “We’re going small.” 

The glowing Pym particles began to vibrate, shaking the entire netting, and entire planet in ominous, thunderous quakes. Several seconds passed, and Steve almost thought it might not work after all - but suddenly, the planet began shrinking, in short bursts, then faster and faster. It was surreal, it kept getting smaller and smaller until all that was left was a tiny ball of lights. They had done it. The planet was compressed fully. They could hear the low rumble of the millions of micro meteorites making up the rotating rings around them, briefly vibrating due to the sudden fluctuation. But ultimately, the rumble died down, and the rings kept spinning. The scientists had done it - they successfully compacted the planet, and kept the same gravity and density needed to keep its rings and moons orbiting at a neutral state. 

Steve wanted to pump his fist in the air - it worked! But Clint took a deep breath that everyone could hear in their headset. They all waited with baited breath of their own as Clint pulled back, and shot - bright silver arrow and thread trailing along behind it. 

It traveled for a long while, never losing momentum, never wavering. Finally, it hit its mark, the bright speck of light right at the center of the rings. The connecting cord trembled then pulled taut - securely in place. 

“We’ve established the connection.” Bruce told the group. “Do you…?” He turned to look at Thor, as did everyone else. They watched as the Asgardian god reached out to the manifold before him. He closed his eyes, and focused his energy. Small, electric sparks emerged from his fingertips, powering up the machine’s main panel and shooting the flickers of light down the line, following all the way out of the spaceship, and towards the shrunken planet. It traveled quickly, lightning shooting its way through the cord, sparks jumping ahead of each other, racing to the end. When they reached the planet, it radiated brightly for a moment, and Thor opened his eyes again. 

“It worked. I can feel the stones. They are ready.” He said.

‘They are ready’ Steve repeated in his head. These stones were alive, in some way. Or still are alive. And they are calling the shots, apparently. He couldn’t help but reach out to take hold of Tony’s hand. Tony squeezed his hand back. Hard.

Everyone could breathe again. This could work. This could really work . 

“We have one hour and twelve minutes until the Pym Particles are depleted.” Bruce informed them. He placed a hand on Thor’s shoulder and kissed his cheek, before backing away again to give him some room. “You can do it, sweetheart.” 

They watched Thor maintain his steady concentration. His gaze was faraway, pupils darting back and forth, like he was searching for something. After a few seconds, he locked in, and his arm flexed, like he was physically pulling something from thin air. 

“The Power stone senses me.” He said, voice strained, like this was somehow taking a physical toll on him. “It is making its presence known. I am rebuilding it now.” 

Steve and the others looked out to the miniature shining ball, a mile away. There was nothing to see just yet - the planet was fully encased, and they couldn’t see past the vibranium cover. Nevertheless, they kept their attention on it, waiting to see what would happen. 

And suddenly, something did happen. Thor let out a growling, painful scream, and his arm seemed to be frozen, fixed on the manifold. Bruce rushed to pull him away, but Thor weakly held him back.

“N-no!” He gritted out through clenched teeth. “Let it happen!”

For a moment, Steve didn’t know what, exactly, they should let happen. But right then, Thor pushed Bruce off him. His entire body tensed, his eyes began to glow, and in a split second, lightning struck all around him from inside the ship. The ship trembled and the lights flickered, as the sensors on the manifold went haywire. 

“What the hell's going on in there?” Clint yelled into the comms, and they could see the vibranium cord next to the archer outside start smoking. It became red hot as a huge surge of power blasted its way through the line, down into the planet. 

Thor’s legs buckled and he dropped to the floor. Everyone scrambled towards him to see what was wrong, but as soon as the surge of power hit the planet, something small and bright violet shot out of the opening on the other side of its chain link shell. Steve saw it, in his peripheral vision, only for a split second before he turned back to Thor, where Bruce was struggling to help him up. Steve joined him, pulling Thor off the ground and holding him steady. 

“What happened!?” Rhodes asked. “Did it break?”

“No.” Tony rushed to check the sensors. “I don't think so. The intake overloaded temporarily. Whatever it was, it came from Thor.” 

“Hey guys…” Clint joined the comms again. “I don't know what just happened but the connection line is fried. I'm sending out the backup line.” He updated them, as he shot another arrow to establish a new connection. However, everyone was focused on Thor, struggling to keep himself upright. 

Steve placed him up against the manifold just as the new connection was formed, but stayed by his side for support, he still looked like he could fall over again at any second. “Are you okay?” 

“I am…fine.” Thor was panting, barely able to form the words. “I must...keep going.” 

“What? No.” Bruce tried to coax him to sit back down, but Thor wasn’t having it. “Whatever that was, it hurt you. Let’s take a minute to figure this out before you try again.” 

“He’s right.” Natasha agreed. “It broke the connection, and almost took you out with it. We can’t risk it again.”

“It was...the Power stone.” Thor stated, like that would explain it. “It...needed power. So...I gave it...power....I must continue.” 

Thor wavered for a moment in Steve’s hold before shifting his weight back onto his own two feet, leaning against the main panel of the manifold, placing his hand on the sensors again. He was visibly trembling, still catching his breath, using the manifold as leverage to keep himself from collapsing again. Before Steve or anyone else could argue, Carol yelped on the comms. 

“Woo!” She cheered, oblivious to the events on the ship. “Caught it! We’ve got the first stone, people!” 

Everyone froze.

Carol zoomed back into range of the ship, and held up a small, smoldering pebble between her fingers for the others to see. It was glowing purple. Steve could recognize it right away. It was the Power stone. 

“Fresh out of the oven, Yee-ouch!” Carol beamed with excitement, and giddily flipped the stone from palm to palm before setting it into place on her gauntlet. “Still a bit hot! But I’m ready for the next one!” She blew on her fingers a bit, as if she’d just touched a scalding cup of tea. “I’ll go get back in place!” She cheerily announced before flying back out into the darkness of space.

That was it. Confirmation. Thor did it. The power stone was back. 

But no one celebrated. 

The air was tense. Something in Steve’s stomach dropped, heavy and nauseating. 

The stones were calling the shots.

Notes:

Be afraid 🙃 (but not too afraid)

Chapter 26: Mayhem

This should be a huge win for them. The power stone was back. 

But it had drained Thor of his energy - forcefully - in order to revive itself. 

Everyone was thinking the same thing - what of the other stones?

But before anyone could verbalize their concerns, Thor was already establishing a connection again at the manifold. 

“Are you sure we should go through with this?” Bruce asked, but Thor didn’t respond. He turned to Tony instead. “Maybe we should find another way. Or - or see if we can redirect some of the burden to the rest of us?”

“We’d have to build a load balancer.” Tony mumbled, clearly just as frazzled. “But there’s no time. The pym particles won’t hold long enough, and we can’t just pause them to take an extended break.” 

“We have to do something! ” Bruce pleaded. 

“I know that!” Tony drummed his fingers against his thigh in manic frustration. “But even if we do find a way to share the load, none of us would be able to help. Thor’s a God. None of us can talk to these things!” 

“But, but maybe we can help!” Bruce frantically retorted. 

“Didn’t you hear him?” Natasha jumped in. “He said the power stone took his power . We don’t know what we’re dealing with here. The next stone might want something completely different.” 

“How can a stone want something?” Rhodey clamored. “What are the other stones we need again?” 

“Time.” Thor answered. 

The rest of them turned just in time to see Thor’s arm seize up against the manifold again, and in the blink of an eye, they were suddenly all on the ground, and Carol was yelling into the communicator. 

“-I repeat - Mayday! - I need anyone on this frequency to report a lost M-class, orange markings, nine passengers- If you can hear this, please respond, Mayday! - I repeat - ” 

“Carol?” Steve groggily replied into his communicator, holding his head as he sat up. “What’s wrong? What’s going on?”

“Steve?!” She cried out in response. “Where the hell are you guys!?”

Steve looked around. Everyone else was dazed and confused, slowly sitting up and getting their bearings back. 

“What happened?” Clint asked into the comms, still locked onto the outer portion of the ship. “Did I pass out? My oxygen tank’s almost out.” 

Steve looked for Tony, who was on the floor right beside him, groaning as he rubbed at his lower back. 

“Ugh. I feel like I fell right on my ass.” Tony grumbled. Steve helped him up as he turned his communicator back on. 

“What do you mean?” He asked Carol, holding Tony upright as they shook off the disoriented sensation. “We’re right here. Something must’ve knocked us out, but we’re still in position right in front of the Garden planet.” He answered, looking out the window at the planet and its rings. 

“No, you’re not .” She angrily retorted, but in the next second, she darted back into view, quickly flying in from somewhere much further and in the opposite direction from where she should be stationed. “Wait, you are here. Where have you guys been?!” She admonished them through the bay glass windows. 

“The stone.” Thor stood up and planted his heavy weight against the manifold to keep himself upright. “Do you have it?” He asked. 

“Yeah.” Carol held up her gauntlet, a small green stone now attached to it. “Of course. But where did you guys go? One second I turned around to catch the stone, and the next, you guys just disappeared!” 

Thor exhaled, relieved. But it made no sense to anyone else. 

“We were gone?” Steve asked. 

“I’ve been looking for you guys for over an hour !” Carol yelled back.

Over an hour ? 

“The time stone.” Thor pointed out. “It needed our time.” 

“Shit!” Tony exclaimed, scrambling over to the monitors and quickly clicking through the machine’s readings. “85% of the output from the pym particles has been used up! What happened here?”

Bruce hurried over, reading out the numbers as well. 

“The stone.” Bruce cursed under his breath. “It must’ve kicked us forward in time.” 

“Well, how much time do we have left!?” Natasha asked. Bruce looked at them with a concerned frown.

“We have nine minutes before the Pym Particles run out.” 

“What??” Rhodes exclaimed. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“There’s no way we finish in time.” Natasha concurred. 

“Not with that attitude.” Tony started to flip some switches on the manifold. “We need to kick it into high gear. I'm shutting down all non-essential functions. That might buy us a minute or two. Birdbrain - I think the line got severed when we made the time jump.”

“Can confirm.” Clint replied. “I see the line floating right in front of me. I can reach it from here.” 

“We need it back up pronto, we’re running out of time sooner than we thought. Can you shoot another arrow? Or weld it back together? There should be a soldering pen and a spare iron infused vibranium bar in your toolkit. You just need to-” Tony was cut off suddenly when the lights came back on the machine in front of him. 

“No need.” Clint said smugly. 

“How did you-” Tony’s eyes widened. 

“Duct tape.” Clint said. 

“You brought duct tape. On a space mission .” Tony reprimanded him. “You can't just DUCT TAPE together my vibranium polymer threading!”

“Hey, it worked didn’t it?” Clint replied. 

“Aha!! At least someone carries tape around when you need it!” Rocket snickered into his headset.

“We don’t have time for this.” Steve ended the debacle. “Thor, can you keep going?”

“Aye.” Thor took his position back at the manifold. He concentrated hard before calling the next stone. “The space stone is ready.”

“Are we sure we even want to do this?” Bruce wearily called out. “What will the space stone want from us?” 

But before anyone could hazard a guess, Thor’s hand on the manifold produced a glowing blue light that began to surround the ship, and in the next moment, the exterior of the ship was being pummeled by chunks of space rocks.

“What the hell!” Rocket shouted into the comms. “What idiot moved us right into the path of the planet’s rings?!”

“We’re way too close!” Tony yelled back. “We’re gonna fall into the planet’s orbit! You need to get us out of here!” 

“I’m trying.” Rocket’s voice strained as he began to twist and turn his way around the ring’s asteroids, avoiding all the large rocks, but several small meteorites were battering the sides of the ship, losing their momentum, and slowly drifting out of orbit, towards the shrunken planet. 

“Those rogue rocks are going to break the Pym particle capsules!” Tony cried out. “We can’t let them hit the planet right now!”

“And what the hell do you propose we do about that?” Rocket cursed as he swerved around another rock. 

“Hey guys?” Clint joined the comms. “I don’t appreciate the hailstorm out here, but keep her steady for a second. The line got severed again when we teleported. I need to shoot a new line.” 

“I can’t keep her steady , moron!” Rocket shouted. “I’m dodging here!”

“Caught the stone!” Carol called into her mic. 

“Carol, we need to STOP those asteroids from hitting the planet!” Tony demanded.

“Seven minutes left!” Bruce shouted over them.

“This is a fucking disaster.” Nebula groaned to herself from the corner of the ship.

Chapter 27: Singularity

Time was running out. 

Steve wondered if they should’ve seen this coming. They could have prepared more. They could have planned the execution, could have arranged the order of bringing back the stones to make more sense. But there was no going back from here. Mere hours ago, all they knew were that the stones were just magical trinkets that needed to be pulled back together. They couldn’t have seen this coming. 

Thor was at the manifold again, and Clint had already shot a new arrow to establish a connection, though the line was being pulled dangerously to and fro as Rocket was still trying to maneuver them out of the planet’s rings. More and more asteroid debris was now free-falling towards the planet, with Carol trying her best to knock it all out of the way before it hit the still-encased shrunken planet. 

The worst part is, it was working. They had half the stones already. But every stone brought more and more chaos around them. 

“I sense the soul stone!” Thor bellowed through the whirlwind of arguing around him. “It wants…” He furrowed his brows, and went silent. 

“What does it want?” Natasha yelled, grabbing hold of her seat, keeping steady as Rocket pulled the ship sharply to the left. 

“It wants me .” Thor answered. “It wants a sacrifice. In exchange for its formation.” 

“You can’t do that.” Bruce said decisively. “We might as well stop now. We’re not doing that.” 

“But I must.” Thor said. 

“I hate to say it,” Carol said on the comms, grunting as she pushed another asteroid out of the way. “But he’s right. We need all the stones for this to work. Maybe we can just bring him back once we have them all.”

“I will do the other stones first.” Thor decided. “If it takes me, it will be at the end. After I’ve finished my task.”  

“We don’t know if we can bring you back with the stones!” Bruce pleaded. “You can’t!” 

“Then you do not need to bring me back!” Thor bellowed, struggling to maintain his connection on the manifold. “This is my purpose! This is what I was meant to do!”

“You weren’t meant to die doing it!” Bruce shouted back, his voice growing deeper and louder. “Stop!” He growled, and in a blink of an eye, he grew tall and green, and let out a roar as he ripped the manifold from its bolts. 

“Shit! Now of all times??” Tony yelped as Steve pushed him to the ground, right as Hulk threw the giant heavy machinery against the wall behind them. 

It shattered into pieces.

“Why the hell is there a giant green monster on my ship!?” Rocket shouted from the captain’s seat, swerving right to account for the sudden shift in weight, colliding with a rather large asteroid in the process. The walls of the ship rattled frightfully, and Clint’s tether strained against the pull. 

“We need to get Clint back in here!” Natasha ordered, closing her astrosuit helmet, running to the airlock to pull him back in.

“No!” Clint refused. “We’re halfway there! We still have a few minutes left! We can still finish it! I can still keep us connected!” 

“There’s nothing to connect to !” She yelled back, yanking his anchoring line and forcefully pulling him back into the ship. He tried to pull away from her, tried to jump back out, but Natasha pinned him down, keeping him in place. 

“There’s a problem out here!” Carol came back on. “The planet’s rings…they’re falling.”

Steve looked out the window of the ship. She was right.

Huge swaths of rocks, dust and asteroids were crashing into each other, and in the process, falling towards the planet. Carol wouldn’t be able to stop them all. Their sudden teleportation right into the rings must have caused a chain reaction, that meant everything was falling towards the planet. Including them. 

“Their orbital momentum is broken.” Tony gasped, watching as mountains of debris began to hit the vibranium surface. The covering they had worked so hard on - it was quickly littered with more and more fragments of the rings until it wasn’t even visible anymore. Even then, more rocks battered it, completely engulfing it. 

The moons surrounding the planet began to shake. The density of the heap of rubble was quickly growing, its gravity going haywire, and even the moons began falling towards it. 

And it was all shrinking into itself - the Pym Particle casings were broken, they must’ve seeped out. Their plan was done for. 

“Cut the line. Now!” Steve screamed.

Right as he said that, Carol shot an energy beam at the connection, severing the line, and grabbed hold of the ship. Steve only saw a glimpse of the crumpling, compacting mass before Carol quickly steered them away from the planet. They all tumbled over in the ship and slammed against the back wall from the sudden shift and a bright white flash blinded them momentarily. The ship rattled against a shockwave, and then suddenly, everything was quiet and very still. 

When they got back up - safely away from the planet’s orbit - they looked out the window. 

There was no planet. 

Steve stood up slowly, heart pounding in his chest. He could hear the bellowing cries of Hulk behind him, and a fraught Thor attempting to calm him down. He could hear Clint’s erratic screaming, and shouting obscenities. Could hear Rocket’s frantic pawing at the controls, trying to regain control of the sputtering engines. But none of that could rip his gaze from the scene outside. 

The planet’s rings were broken. Its moons were missing. In their place, a swirling cloud of matter - asteroids, rocks, all glistening and if he didn’t know any better, he would even call it beautiful. The river of debris spiraled like a raging hurricane into a centering point where the planet had once been. Except now, the planet wasn’t there. There was no vibranium casing or bright lights from the Pym particles. There was only a small dot, pulling the debris of the rings inward, seemingly disappearing into nothingness. 

“Is everyone okay?!” Carol asked through the comms. Steve looked around, everyone was shaken, startled, upset, but alive. 

“We’re fine.” He stated. Tony pulled himself up and staggered over to the window next to him. Steve held his arm for support. 

They both watched the revolving stream of matter before them. 

“Where is it?” Steve asked. “Where’s the planet?” 

Tony’s gaze was grave. 

“That is the planet.” He said, placing a hand against the window. “Too much matter was introduced into too small a space. The pym particles destabilized and became a singularity. It’s a black hole now. I knew it. I knew this could happen.” His hand slowly curled into a fist, and he slammed it against the glass. “FUCK!” 

“What?” Bruce’s feeble voice uttered as he strained to sit up, finally back to his human self. He held his head in his hands, like he was getting over a bad hangover. “What happened?” 

Steve and Tony turned, moving out of the way, giving Bruce a clear line of sight from where he was sprawled out on the floor. 

“Oh.” Bruce muttered. “...Fuck.”

Notes:

Don't blame Brucie 😭🙏🏽 it was going to happen anyways as soon as they hit the planet's rings.
Also don't worry, things will get better soon 🥹

Chapter 28: Together

Notes:

We WILL finish this thing, this week 💪😤😤 (I hope 😂)

Tony’s POV

 

He knew this could happen. Bruce had warned him it could happen. 

This. A fucking black hole. Science’s greatest mystery. Black holes make a mockery out of reason. They’re the enemy of logic. Physics means nothing inside a black hole. The one hurdle no one and nothing can overcome. 

And this black hole just happened to have eaten up the matter they needed to finish the most important job in the universe. And if there’s one thing everyone knows about black holes - it's that there’s no coming back. No return ticket. No re-do’s. This was it. The rest of the stones were gone forever. For good. 

They had failed. He worked so hard on this. He tried to anticipate everything . He set up a million redundancies. He worked day and night, for weeks, months . He’d been allowed to live, his life had been spared, he was supposed to make this work. He’d failed everyone. 

He’d failed Peter . 

He knew from day one that Peter looked up to him. And maybe yes, he’d selfishly used Peter at the beginning there, to fight his battles - Tony certainly wouldn’t call himself a good person. But over time, the kid grew on him. His aunt May trusted Tony to keep him safe. And he’d promised that he would. Peter made him a better person. Peter kept him honest. Peter looked up to him like a father. A role Tony would never have willingly entrusted himself with - he was always afraid he’d be too much like Howard. But Peter was there nonetheless, quirky and earnest and endlessly curious. He’d captured Tony's cold heart with awkward hugs and fumbling jokes meant to relate to his need for authentic connection. He gave everything he had to make Tony proud again and again. Tony wondered how he got lucky enough to end up having someone in his life that he’d be proud to call a son. And Tony wanted to protect him with all he had. 

He’d rigged Peter’s suit, he’d appropriated all his technology to keep him safe. He’d let himself be open and vulnerable and even stern with Peter, all in the hopes of giving him a chance to be better than Tony. To be what Tony knew he could be if given the chance. A hero, if he wanted. A genius, if he took the time. But most importantly - happy. Happy with his friends, with his aunt, with his future, bright and limitless. Happy and safe. 

He hadn’t let himself grieve properly, before. He had a mission. A reason to get up every morning and keep going. He couldn’t let himself lose hope, before. But now - now all those hopes were shattering around him. Peter wouldn’t be coming back. There was no hope for the future. Any chance they had at fixing this was gone. 

And hey, when did he fall to the ground? And when did it get so hard to breathe?

Arms enveloped him - hands firmly holding his sides. Was it Peter? No - the hands were too big. The grip was too strong. His eyes adjusted - it was Steve. That was good. Steve was here. But no, it wasn’t good. Peter was still gone, forever. 

“It’s okay, Tony.” Steve’s husky, commanding voice. It was deeply penetrating every time he said his name like that. How was Steve so good at saying his name? “It’s okay. We can fix this.”

Could they? Steve was usually in the right. But no, that wasn’t right. Steve didn’t know the immovable totality of a black hole.  

“No…s’not….W-we can’t…” Tony mumbled out, trying to explain, but he couldn't catch his breath. “It…th-there…” A black hole was a singularity. A statistical abnormality brought to life. Nothing could escape. Nothing, not matter, not light, could ever come back out. He tried to form the words, but found that his tongue was too heavy. One of his hands splayed over his chest. His heart erratic, like it was going to push the housing unit out of him altogether. He was scrunched up against the cold outer wall of the spaceship. What was he doing out in space, again? Where he’d almost died? Was he dying again, right now? It sure felt like it. 

“We have the time stone,” Steve gently offered, stroking his forearms with his warm hands. A striking juxtaposition against the unforgiving, icy eternity of space surrounding them. “Carol - she has the time stone. We can try again.” 

All at once, Tony realized the rest of the ship was dead silent. All the chaos from a second ago was shut off, like a light switch. Maybe now he could finally think. Everyone was honed in on Steve and Tony’s conversation. 

“The…time stone.” Tony repeated, dumbly. He hadn’t considered which stones they did have, or what that could even mean. The stones were useless without all of them. They couldn’t bring everyone back without all the stones, right?

“Yes, the time stone.” Steve’s eyes roamed his body. Tony was suddenly very self aware, realizing he’d been cowering in a corner, stupidly, like a child, and tried to sit up straight, and blink back his tears. “Shh...it’s okay, take your time.” Steve kindly continued to rub at his arms, providing an anchoring comfort that Tony appreciated wholeheartedly, but right now, he needed to know what Steve meant. 

“Why?” Tony asked. “Why the time stone?” 

“Well, we can use it to bring back the planet.” Steve explained, like it was the simplest thing in the world. “We can just undo this and try again. Thanos used it to bring back Vision’s stone. So…we can just do the same.” 

Though Tony’s mind was a jumbled mess at the moment, he threw this variable into the mix. Was it possible? 

“No.” He quickly decided. “I don’t think…I mean...it’s a black hole. ” He said, verbalizing his thoughts. Every physics class, every research paper, every scientist and journalist and expert in the field would all agree on one thing - a black hole was the end-all, be-all. “It’s impossible.” He refuted. That’s what he’d always been taught. That was a scientific, absolute fact. “We can’t touch it. We can’t alter it or affect it in any way. Anything that even gets near would be lost forever.” 

“We can’t.” Steve agreed. “But maybe the time stone can. You said so yourself - Doctor Strange spared your life for this. He was willing to die, was willing to give everything up for this stone. But when he saw into the future - when he saw that you’d live, and that we’d have the time stone back…it must mean something, Tony.” 

It was true. The wizard had been willing to go to great lengths, to die even, for this specific stone. That is, until he looked into the future. After that - it’s like his plans had changed. He bartered with it. Gave it up, willingly. 

They might as well try, right? 

“So we bring back the planet?” Tony asked, gathering his bearings enough to stand on his own again. “Undo the black hole and try again?” 

“No!” Bruce frantically chimed in. “We can’t.” He gripped Thor’s arm, next to him. “Even if we bring back the planet - Thor still can’t get the soul stone without sacrificing himself.” 

“I am willing to make that sacrifice.” Thor stated, but Bruce quickly yanked on his arm and protested.

“No, you can’t!”

They argued for a moment before Nebula spoke up. 

“Maybe he doesn’t have to.” 

Everyone looked to her. 

“Maybe we bring back the planet…and then we keep going. If this works - we can turn back time until we bring back my father. And the rest of the stones. We’d go back to a point before he destroyed them.”

Bruce looked at Thor. Thor nodded. Natasha looked to Clint, who squeezed her hand. Steve turned back to Tony, and Tony hung his head in defeat.

They were right. This was the only way. It was the only way they had a fighting chance at keeping Thor alive. It was the only way they could know, for sure, that all the stones would return, without giving up more unknown sacrifices in return. It was the only time, in this exact point in space, where the stones existed, fully formed and unharmed. The three weeks between the snap, the moment Thanos retreated to this planet, and the moment he destroyed them. 

“We’ll have to fight him. Again.” Tony answered.

“We can beat him. He was weak while he was on this planet.” Steve assured. 

“That was because he’d just used the stones to destroy them.” Rhodey piped up. “Before then - he’d had enough time to regain his strength before having to use the stones again. We need to go back as close to his initial escape as we can.” 

“We can do that.” Tony agreed. Though, they may be getting ahead of themselves. They didn’t even know if the time stone would work, after all. “Well, we can try. ” 

“We can call for backup once we get back to Earth.” Steve agreed. “We can get an army ready this time around - just to be safe.” 

“Hairball - get Carol back in here to fill her in.” Tony said, looking around for their furry pilot to reply, but found him staring out the window of the cabin. 

“Does it look like it’s getting smaller to you guys?” Rocket asked, absentmindedly. 

Tony looked up. 

He was staring at the black hole. It was smaller. The huge swath of debris was disappearing fast - quickly falling into the inky black center. 

“It’s dying.” Bruce said with a gasp. 

“Carol!” Tony screamed into his headset. “You need to blast that thing, as hard as you can, right now!” 

“What?” She replied. 

“Blast it, use your powers, your heat rays or solar beam or whatever you wanna call it!” He frantically responded. “Do not get too close! You can see the event horizon right there, that’s the point where everything starts to fall in. Do not pass that line, but that black hole is dying and our only chance is fading with it! We need to keep feeding it energy! We need to keep it alive!! ”

She didn’t hesitate. The passengers of the ship watched as she produced a bright, almost fiery aura of light from her hands, and just as quickly aimed the ray into the black hole. As soon as it entered, the hole began to sputter, shaking and pulsing, like it was struggling to grow against its own shrink. 

“How long will that keep it alive?” Steve asked. 

“Accounting for the size of the planet,” Bruce answered, quickly calculating in his head, “plus the mass of the planet’s rings and moons, and Carol’s photon ray…not long. A black hole of that size may only stay alive for a few minutes, at best.” 

“And then what?” Steve asked again.

“It could eject its matter through Hawking radiation. It could dissipate. It could just disappear altogether for all we know.” Bruce replied. “There could be nothing left. We could be left with empty space.”

“Which means she can’t stop her attack.” Tony concluded. 

“And we can’t call for backup.” Steve added. “We have to finish this. Right now.”

The ship was silent again. The tense mood right before a fight, before a war, especially caught unaware and unprepared, never got any easier, even as an Avenger. 

Natasha produced her Window Bites bracelet, and held them up for the rest to see. 

“Never leave home without them.” She said, strapping them to her arms. 

Thor held up his axe, energizing it with a quick hit of electricity. It crackled against his hold. 

“Stormbreaker lives alongside me.” He said. 

Rhodes pressed a button on the chest of his spacesuit, and was suddenly engulfed by War Machine. 

“Brought it along in case we got stranded in space...” Rhodes said. “But I guess it’s time to put its name to use.” 

As Tony looked around, he realized that everyone had brought their weapons. Maybe he wasn’t the only cynical skeptic on board. Sure, Tony didn’t technically need the Ironman suit for this mission, he had built them all spacesuits, after all. But Ironman was there, in his housing unit, all the same. It was as much a part of him as his reactor heart had once been. 

Even Steve, beside him, held up his shield. Tony was suddenly very thankful to have been interrupted last night, to have agreed to build Steve a gauntlet, to have thought to return the shield to him at all. 

“He’ll have three of the stones.” Nebula warned the others.

“So will we.” Natasha countered. 

“I like those odds.” Steve said.

As the others prepared themselves for battle, they began to huddle around Steve. He had a sort of leadership magnetism that Tony would always find incredibly admirable (and annoying) to say the least. Steve’s shoulders rolled back. 

“Alright team.” Steve rallied his uneasy warriors. “We have a plan. Three more stones, one last shot. It was three months ago that we lost. All of us. We lost friends. We lost family. We lost a part of ourselves. Today, we have a chance to take it all back.” 

He brandished his shield, up against his waist so all could see that they wouldn’t be going down without a fight. 

“Get the stones off him, bring them back to Carol. If he gets away from us this time, I’m certain we won’t get a do-over. Be careful, look out for each other. Don’t let him leave the planet, don't let him get the upper hand. This is the fight of our lives, and we’re going to win. Whatever it takes.”

“Oh, he’s pretty good at that.” Rocket quipped, and Tony shot him a small smile in agreement. 

Whatever it takes. That’s what Tony was afraid of. Steve meant it. He always did. 

The team was ready to go. Bruce kissed Thor before he let him go into the airlock. I love you, he told him. Thor replied in same, We have to do this. That does not change my love for you. 

Nat and Clint held each other for what could be the last time. Rocket punched Nebula’s arm playfully, and she returned a mischievous snicker. They were saying their goodbyes, in case of the worst. Tony turned to Steve, and felt the need to do the same. 

“Be safe out there.” Tony turned to face him, unsure how to initiate physical contact. He wanted so badly to hold Steve, have Steve hold him back. He was scared. 

“I will.” Steve answered. “And you too.” 

“Don’t do anything stupid.” Tony quickly added. Steve chuckled at that. 

“When have I ever done anything stupid?” He replied. Tony frowned, and Steve’s beautiful, radiant smile made Tony’s heart do a flip in the worst way possible. He couldn't take it anymore, he desperately pulled Steve down to his level, throwing his arms around his neck. Steve stumbled only for a moment, caught off guard, but then held Tony back, squeezing him close. 

Tony couldn’t help but imagine a young, frail Steve Rogers, trying and failing again and again to enlist in a war much too large and grand for a small boy like him. He thought back to when they first met - Steve confused and lost and out of his time and element, but still strong and determined to help save a world full of strangers all the same. He thought back to Siberia, Tony having just asked Steve if he knew. If he had betrayed him, if he’d kept this secret from him. And Steve’s eyes portraying just how deeply his heart broke in that moment. How sure Steve had been that he’d lost Tony for good. 

He remembered Steve’s despairing pleas just a day ago. Confessing to loving him. And at any other time in Tony’s life, he wouldn’t have believed him. He would’ve told Steve to fuck off, to stop lying, to stop breaking his heart for the fun of it. 

But he knew, in that moment, that Steve really meant it. They couldn’t have gone through everything they had together without inevitably falling in love. 

He wanted to tell Steve, so badly, that he loved him back. That he would do anything for him, all he needed to do was ask. That he’d move heaven and earth for him. 

But he couldn’t. Not now. Not until this was done. If this didn’t work - if they lost. If Tony died…he’d cheated death so many times now that he’d stopped trying to keep count. These stones were something beyond his understanding and could be the end of him. And he couldn’t do that to Steve. He couldn’t let him know just how completely and helplessly in love he was with him, and then go and die. 

He squeezed Steve even harder. It would’ve hurt anyone else, but he knew his Steve could take it. 

Please God, Tony thought. He didn’t even believe in a God, but maybe it would help all the same. Please don’t take him from me. Please let him live. Please, please let me live. Please don’t end this just when it’s beginning. 

Steve, as always, could feel Tony’s tormented agony without him having to say it out loud. Tony felt him push his lips against his forehead, a stolen kiss. He wanted to return it, wanted a real kiss from him, so badly. But instead he pulled back, stroking Steve’s handsome beard with his hand, looking into his gorgeous blue eyes. He fought every instinct inside him screaming at him to kiss the man, to tell him just how much, how deeply in love he was with him. Instead, he placed a chaste peck on his cheek, and Steve, ever the sweet, considerate man, blinked slowly and gave him a knowing smile, like he understood what Tony meant. 

“We can do this.” Steve quashed his anxiety for good with a whispered promise. “Together.”  Tony nodded, finally letting him go, and they both turned to look at their ragtag team of misfits one last time. 

“Together.” Tony agreed.