Chapter Text
‘Ugh, why is this ALWAYS happening to the Teme!’ the blonde Uzumaki thought in frustration as he saw his rival right next to him, sitting at the table like a stoic samurai as....his stupid fangirls just flocked around them like ants.
Oh and his crush, Sakura, was sitting right NEXT to him too!
One minute she was fighting with Ino about taking a seat, the next moment she just plops herself RIGHT next to him out of the blue!
It is just so....unfair.
He now knows that he’s the Kyuubi’s jailer but....they don’t know that and to be frank, if they knew it would be problematic, BUT STILL, everyone here treated an outsider with more kindness than him, an orphan that gets only hatred for existing.
....he shouldn’t be mad about it, kids are stupid when it comes to being raised by stupid people, yet....he really hoped that Sakura would like him after a while, not fawn over the Teme so much.
But she just proved him wrong and it just made him frustrated. Not just at her but at the Teme, an orphan who is loved by everyone instead of hated.
The Uchiha was loved even before losing his family, while he, the one that had to live in an apartment and hunt for food at the age of five, was, will and has always been hated by all and had NO ONE to love....no mother....no father....no family....no loved ones....
And yet it’s always ‘Sasuke’ this and ‘Uchiha-sama’ that! All he wanted was to be the best and yet he thought of HIM, his fellow orphan, as dead last...useless....all because his path to being Hokage was stunted since he could walk, unlike the Uchiha that HAD everything given to him on a silver spoon!
Why....?
Why does HE have to be loved instead of him!? Why can’t he be loved as well!? Why couldn’t HE have a family!? Why must he suffer with loneliness for a stupid fox’s mistakes!?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why!?
WHY!?
WHY!?
WHY!?
WHY!?
‘Stupid Teme, stupid stupid STUPID TEME!!’ Naruto thought in envious rage as he jumped onto the table and glared at the Uchiha.
“Get away from Sasuke-kun!”
“Stop glaring at him!”
“Oi! Get away from him!”
“......”
“.....”
The two of them glared at each other with mild agitation, although the Uchiha noticed the pure rage hidden behind that glare and felt....a little intimidated by it, not that he’d admit it out loud that is.
“Naruto, can you get down from there?” Sakura said with a frown, although she also felt a little intimidated by his glare. “You’re making a scene.”
“Sakura-chan, don’t butt in.” the blonde genin said with a growl.
“Eh?! Naruto!”
“Sakura, just stop butting in.” Sasuke said while glaring at the Uzumaki. “It’s between us, not you.”
“But-”
“What? Really?” said a random genin from behind Naruto as he got up from his seat, not realizing that by getting up.
....he accidentally pushed Naruto into Sasuke and Sakura....
“Oh! Sorry!” the genin said while turning around, only for his eyes to widen in shock along with everyone else.
For....in that moment....that one singular moment....
Naruto....kissed BOTH his crush and his rival on the lips at the same time....
All three genin’s faces were....tinged with both crimson and paleness at the sudden....locking of lips, breathing becoming heavy as they....they felt like they had been petrified into stone for a few million years.
Yet as they stood there, unmoving, none of them noticed the shocked expressions of the fangirls nearby, including one Ino Yamanaka, who....looked on in horrified disbelief.
For not only did the blonde prankster kiss her crush on the lips....but KISSED her first friend’s lips too! Yes, they weren’t close anymore, but that still didn’t mean she hated Sakura, she cared for her a lot, even if Sakura was the one to break the friendship up for some reason.
And now....her friend’s ‘lip chastity’ was destroyed....and....
nArUtO uZu-FuCkInG-mAkI wAs To BlAmE fOr ThAt OfFuNt!
hE mUsT dIe!
“.....”
“.....”
“.....”
Seconds felt like hours as the three genin stood there....until all three of them quickly pushed themselves away and looked away from each other, cheeks lightly flushed with pink as beads of sweat ran down their foreheads from the....strange sensation they all felt in that moment.
Confusion, disgust, happiness, anger, rage....pleasure....arousal....
All these and more filled their minds as none of them could even look at each other without feeling utter embarrassment.
“NARUTO!” Ino yelled while grabbing a still-dazed blonde-haired genin by the collar and pulled his face towards her own infuriated face. “How DARE you kiss both Sasuke-kun AND Sakura! You’re going to get beaten into a bloody pulp for this-”
“Ino.”
The platinum-blonde kunoichi blinked in surprise while turning towards her former best friend, only to see that she was....still dazed yet was looking right at her with a flustered expression. “Eh?”
“Let’s just....leave this matter alone.”
“But Forehead, he-”
“Just. Leave. It.” Sakura said with a strained tone, looking rather....unwilling to even TALK about the ‘incident’, even if it would lead to Naruto’s ‘deserved’ beatdown. “Now.”
....and just like that, the heiress released her grip from Naruto’s collar, letting him fall onto the table, his eyes still dazed as the fangirls just....walked back to their tables, feeling like bleaching their brains from the sight they just endured.
All the while....the three genin....remained there, quiet as mice, unmoving as stone, unaware of the world around them as their academy instructor walked in, saw the scene in front of him and just....chose to ignore it for now.
After all....today was graduation, their senseis will be arriving soon.
Why ruin it with....unneeded prying into ‘sensitive’ matters?
Although for the one named Iruka, he silently prayed that they'll be alright....for their sake.
Silence.
Just utter silence reigned within the classroom as Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke just......sat at their respective tables, far from each other and....
Eyes looking into the void instead of at each other.
Each one felt....a strange sense of....emotions from the sudden triple kiss event a few hours ago.
For Sasuke, the one that unintentionally pushed Naruto into a confrontation, he was confused....torn between disgust and satisfaction....for he knew he liked Sakura a lot....yet the Uzumaki....just the idea he kissed his own rival and secret friend on the lips made him utterly conflicted, like he couldn't decide if it was a victory for him or a total loss.
For Sakura, the one who stopped her former best friend from murdering her soon-to-be teammate, she was extremely happy that she got a kiss from Sasuke, but....felt weird when Naruto did the same thing, for yes, she didn’t like him fawning over her, but it was an accident....an enjoyable one maybe?
And for Naruto, the one that started it all, he....he felt weird....yes, he kissed the girl of his dreams, but he also kissed his hated rival....and liked it? It was....so confusing, he SHOULD hate it, but he just couldn’t!
So many emotions....so many sensations that made them feel unsure about themselves. It made them question....a lot of things about themselves.
It was so....weird for them that even the normally prank-loving Uzumaki didn’t have a plan for the still-late jonin’s arrival, all notions of mischief, pinning and revenge thrown out the window in favor of total silence.
....and it was kinda driving them nuts.
‘I can’t believe I kissed Sakura-chan and the Teme....and why does it feel so nice and gross at the same time!?’
‘I-I-I kissed Sasuke-kun and Naruto! I lost my first kiss and second kiss to THEM!?’
‘......I kissed Sakura....and Naruto.......just....just why is this so oddly....calming to me?’
Time slowly ticked away, driving each one of the genin mad with inner turmoil and confusion, enough to make them want to explode like a dying sun....
The more they thought about it, the more they wanted to just scream, to bash their heads on SOMETHING yet....they knew that would just make them look stupid.
And for them, being stupid wasn’t going to work out in the long run....but the silence....
The silence was maddening!
They needed to say something, ANYTHING!!!!
Someone in that room NEEDED to say something to break the internal maelstrom of confusion....for their sanity’s sake.
“.....”
“........”
“..........”
“...um....hey.” Naruto said with a sheepish chuckle, his eyes still looking at the wall to his right. “....are you two....”
“....just say it, usuratonkachi.” Sasuke said while looking at the table, trying not to look at anything else BUT the wooden surface.
“....are you two....feeling weird too?”
“Obviously.” Sakura said while staring at the ceiling, her ‘Inner Self’ was currently as silent and confused as her ‘Outer Self’. “That was....a weird....kiss.”
“....so....want to talk-”
“No.” Both Uchiha and Haruno genin said at the same time.
“Right, too fresh....um....ugh, look.” the blonde genin said with a groan. “I understand the kiss was weird but....maybe we can talk about something else?”
“Like what?”
“Well....maybe we can just talk about each other? We are going to be a team after all, so....maybe we can just get stuff off our chests before our sensei shows up?”
“....”
“........”
“Oh, come on you two, it’s not going to hurt anyone. Plus, no one’s here to judge, dattebayo.”
The two genin slowly turned their heads towards the genin, the notion of....talking about anything other than....that kiss was promising, even if they had to divulge some....sensitive subjects in the process.
And so, with a simple nod of their heads....the web of fate would be altered for years to come, not that they would know it.
“Ok, and I’ll go first.” Naruto said before pointing at Sasuke, who just stared at him in confusion. “Teme, I’m fucking envious of you and everything you stand for, dattebayo!!”
“.....wait what?”
“You heard me! I’m envious of you! I mean, look at you! You have girls swarming you, Sakura-chan loves you unconditionally, you have higher grades than me, you're a better shinobi than me and you had a family.” he said with narrowed eyes, his normally calm demeanor evaporating within an instant into something....vile and dark. “You have everything! Me, on the other hand, I’m an orphan just like you, but what did I get? A shitty apartment in the Red Light District, absolute HATE from everyone in the village, low grades because the teachers HATE ME, I lived on garbage on some days, I can’t get ANYTHING in the village without the prices being too high for me or being BANNED from them for existing, I have no fucking clue WHO my family is....hell, I don’t even know if MY last name is real or not! And do you want to know what the Hokage told me when I asked to know WHO my parents were?”
“Narut-”
“He said that it ‘wasn’t important’. He said that KNOWING my parents was unimportant! And guess what, I also can’t get adopted because everyone hates, fears and thinks I’m a monster. I mean.” he said while pointing to Sakura. “You accused me of wrecking Yota’s tree house when I didn’t do anything, because apparently, I’M THE BAD GUY IN YOUR LIFE!”
“Wait, I thought you forgave me for that one-”
“No, I didn’t! I let it slide, I didn’t forgive you for THINKING I was hurting your friend...who was an outsider by the way. You treated HIM better than me, someone that can’t be adopted into ANY family in the village because....” Naruto growled while taking a deep breath, knowing this was going to freak them out. “I’m the Kyuubi’s container.”
“.....wait what?”
“Kyuubi’s....container?”
“Yes, you know Mizuki? Well, he TRIED to kill me yesterday and oh right, he revealed that the Hokage made a law that made ANYTHING related to Kyuubi and me as highly forbidden, worthy of death. Fat load that did since people KNOW I held the fox and saw ME as said fox since I was a baby! I didn’t even KNOW until yesterday so yeah, fucking everything in my life was SHIT because of the stupid fox and now....now I can’t even blame them for being so stupid.” he said while gripping his hands tightly. “And I know YOU suffered as well, Teme, but you ALSO treated me like crap, same with Sakura-chan and all the kids in Konoha. All because you assumed your folks were right about EVERYTHING-”
“Usuratonkachi.” Sasuke interrupted with a frown. “My parents never saw you as a monster, a prankster, yes, but not the Kyuubi.”
“Y-Yeah.” Sakura said with a hint of....shame in her tone. “My parents didn’t see you as a monster, just as a prankster that might pick on me....and Naruto, I am sorry for-”
“Ugh, I get it. You’re sorry, I know....but it still hurts.” he said while expelling a deep sigh, crossing his arms and placing them behind his head. “And that’s really why I wanted to be Hokage, to finally get respect and recognition from people. Beating you, Teme is just another hurdle in that goal....one that I really want to accomplish so we can be friends, or at least rivals.”
“.......you should’ve just told me that in the first place.”
“You generally ignore me, how COULD I have told you if you just walked away and ignored my existence-”
“I didn’t.” The Last Uchiha said bluntly. “I knew we were the same for a while, orphans who faced hardships. But I’m going to be honest, I’m surprised you’re envious of me.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because I’m envious of you, usuratonkachi.”
“.....nani!?”
“Wait, Sasuke-kun? You’re envious of Naruto?” the pink-haired genin asked in surprise as her crush gave a simple nod in her direction. “But why? Naruto did give some....colorful points on why he’s envious of you, but why would you-”
“He’s more optimistic than me, he doesn’t give up even when facing the hardships of life, he is just....hopeful, makes others WANT to be his friends, even if people are too stupid to see it...and he’s better at hard work than me.”
“Wait, what now?”
“Yeah, what did that mean?”
“I might work hard, but you WORK hard to improve yourself. I only work hard because....” Sasuke said before trailing off, looking at his feet for a moment before taking a deep breath, knowing this was....a really painful topic to say in front of people. “I want to avenge the death of my clan. I train and train for vengeance, wanting to kill....my own brother, Itachi, above everything else. I don’t have hobbies, no other dreams, no likes or dislikes, not even friends. I just hone my skills to kill only one person....and that’s it. If I do kill him....I don’t know what I’ll do, I don’t have a goal like you two. I’m just....a weapon against my own kin.”
“....”
“........oh.” Sakura said in horrified realization, recalling the fact that Sasuke WAS the only survivor of the Uchiha Massacre and that his....personality flipped after that night.
No longer was he a happy kid who liked sneaking toy dinosaurs and robots to the academy for fun....he was just a kid who was hurting under that mask of ‘coolness’.
“So yes, I’m envious of you, usuratonkachi. Envious that you can overcome that darkness and be so....so....optimisticly stupid.”
“...heh, I guess we both are alike more than we know, dattebayo.” Naruto said with a chuckle. “And here I thought you were just flaunting your good life at me for kicks.”
“Well, I thought you were just stupid because you were a class clown like Kiba.”
“Oi! Give me some credit, Kiba is dumb, I’m a little better than him with my recklessness.”
“.....”
“Hey, don’t just-”
“Um, Naruto, Sasuke-kun.” Sakura interrupted, getting the two boys' attention. “I know my....bagage isn’t that depressing as yours, but after...the revelations, I kinda want to get this off my chest too.”
“Oh, um sure, Sakura-chan. Go ahead.”
“Thanks, Naruto, ahem....I’ve been bullied since before the academy.” she said with a sigh. “All because I had a big forehead and was from a civilian family. It was so bad that I had....self-esteem issues and I couldn’t tell my parents because they didn’t....have the best advice. It wasn’t until Ino became my friend that I started to feel better....but....”
“Sakura-”
“Let me say it, Naruto.” Sakura interrupted before looking at Sasuke. “I have had a crush on you since that time, same with Ino....but I ruined that friendship because I wanted to get out of her shadow, to be her equal, not a weakling that needed saving. She became my rival and as you know, we have hated each other ever since....and all because I wanted to be stronger and show you I was....worthy of your affections. But that was at the cost of forgoing my own studies and now, I’m just a weakling who doesn’t truly know either of you two. I mean, you two suffered while-”
“Sakura-chan.” Naruto interrupted while deadpanning at her. “Bullying is just as bad as being isolated or losing family. Plus now, I feel really bad that I kinda made you hate me with my....”
“Insistent desires to ask me on a date?”
“Yeah....sorry. I just wanted to....hang out, maybe have some ramen together.”
“....oh, so when you said dates, you meant....hanging out with friends.”
“Kinda, I didn’t want to push you or anything into something you hated. I’m stupid, not forceful.”
“So you admit you’re stupid, usuratonkachi?” Sasuke said with a smirk.
“Oi! I was just trying to admit my faults, Teme!”
“.....well, I don’t mind an outing later.” Sakura said with a shrug. “But on the topic of....sensitive stuff....Naruto, Sasuke-kun. Can you promise me something?”
“Hm?”
“Sure, what is it?”
“Can you not laugh at what I'm about to say? It’s....kinda embarrassing.” She said with a light blush. “I really don’t want to....get laughed at.”
“Do you really think little of us?” Sasuke asked with a frown.
“No no! Of course not! I just really don’t like being laughed at.”
“Then go on, tell us. And if the usuratonkachi laughs, I’ll stab him in the arm with a kunai.”
“OI! I wouldn’t do that to Sakura-chan!”
The pink-haired genin sighed, knowing that these two....emotional wrecks wouldn’t judge her, maybe laugh, but if that happened she’ll just ‘accidentally’ punch them into the ceiling or something.
She might LIKE one of them, but that’s no excuse for laughing at her problems!
“....after I broke my friendship with Ino, I kinda....developed a....split personality, or something I really don’t know myself. But while I’m a ‘perfect little angel’ on the outside, inside I have an emotional side called Inner Sakura. She’s the part of me that shows my true self, the anger, rage, true feelings and inner commentary on all situations.” she said while rubbing her left shoulder with her right hand, seemingly feeling....embarrassed she had to reveal a side to herself she doesn’t even like. “Normally, I hate talking about it, same with Inner, but since you just told me your darkest secrets....I thought it was fair for me to tell you mine.”
“.....”
“.....”
“Sasuke-kun? Naruto? Are you two all-” Sakura asked before suddenly getting a hug from both of the boys, making her blush bright crimson from the sudden embrace. “E-E-EH!?”
“Sakura, why would I laugh at something so serious?” Naruto said while continuing the embrace. “You....you had to hide your emotions under a mask, just like me with my pranks. I had to do pranks all the time just to feel anything, so I know how you feel.”
“E-EH?!”
“I had to kill my emotions.” Sasuke said while feeling Sakura’s heartbeat growing louder and louder with every second of the double hug. “I had to kill all the positive emotions I had when I lost my clan in order to function. Just like the usuratonkachi said, I know how it feels to force one’s self to turn into something....unnatural. I am sorry for not realizing it till now.”
“E-EH!? G-GUYS!” She yelled while pushing them off, metaphorical steam expelling from her ears like a teakettle’s spout. “Don’t suddenly hug me like that, shannaro!!!!”
“Sorry, Sakura-chan, but we kinda....understand your situation a little and well....”
“It was a good idea at the time.” The Last Uchiha said while finishing Naruto’s train of thought. “We just thought you needed that, since clearly we all suffered in one form or another.”
“.....I didn’t say it wasn’t bad, but don’t do that without permission, ok?” Sakura said with a shake of her head. “That was really bad for my heart.”
Naruto and Sasuke nodded before all three genin realized something at that exact moment.
....the rage, the pain, the dark feelings that ruled their hearts for years....
They were all gone, as if they weren’t there at all.
....and in its place, a sensation of....calm, tranquility, utter zen within their own souls.
It was as if their entire conversation had released these feelings from their minds, freeing them from their corrupting influence.
“....”
“....”
“...huh, this is kinda nice.” Naruto said with a grin while placing his arms on his lap, having just sat down next to Sakura along with his rival. “I don’t feel angry anymore.”
“......my murderous rage is gone. I feel....like my old self again.” Sasuke muttered while....a little conflicted, knowing his brother wanted him to be consumed by hate...yet the feeling of calm felt like a soothing tub of hot water, something that he didn’t want to get rid of at all.
“I guess talking about our problems actually helped get rid of our pent-up stress. It’s not permanent, but it helps.” Sakura said while hearing ‘Inner Sakura’ muttering something about ‘hot spring water’ in her mind....with the most mellow sounding tone she had ever heard the split personality make in her entire life. “I guess your idea worked, Naruto, for once.”
“Hey, some of my plans worked in the past.”
“Like the time you tried to prank Iruka with that false bowl of ramen?”
“Well....to be fair, I didn’t expect the old ‘can of worms in a ramen bowl’ prank to scare him so much.” The Uzumaki chuckled nervously before getting an idea. “Hey, Sakura-chan, Teme-”
“I have a name, usuratonkachi.”
“Same here, but until you call me by that name, I’ll always call you Teme.” he deadpanned before smirking a little. “Anyway, I have an idea that might help all three of us going forward. It might even help us with our personal goals.”
“Just tell us, usuratonkachi.”
“Oi, I’m getting there! Ahem, I’m not going to sugar coat it but....besides our personal crap, I think as a team....we might suck a little.”
“....what?”
“Naruto, you better explain right now or I’ll-”
“Ok ok! Calm down, Sakura-chan! I was getting there....ugh, well. I just realized that as genin....we don’t have a lot of good skills. For me, because the teachers hated me, I don’t really have a good fighting style, chakra control or anything other than my Kage Bunshin no Jutsu and Oiroke no Jutsu to rely on. I’m kinda....bad, and I’m not as knowledgeable as Sakura-chan, so yeah, Dead Last by stupid people’s designs.” He said while placing his head on the table for a moment. “Teme here is good, but if this is a genin team....well, he’s one-tracked, doesn’t have his fancy eyes-”
“Sharingan.”
“Yeah yeah, he doesn’t have those eyes. He’s kinda easy to get mad, same with me, and besides having more jutsus than us, you Teme are....well, not a team player.”
“......how did you figure that out?”
“I’m dumb and a little dense, but I can see things in people they don’t normally know. I pick up some things better than others.” he said with a shrug. “And, sorry in advance Sakura-chan, you have the smarts but....no stamina or anything else. No jutsus, small chakra and....you diet right?”
“Well yeah-”
“Take it from me, diets don’t work, not for shinobi....although ramen is a godsent for me....it’s not healthy-”
“Obviously.” Sasuke deadpanned. “But what are you getting at? Why tell us our weaknesses now?”
Naruto sighed a little while taking a deep breath. “Look, I just wanted to tell you what I think we suffer from, something I normally don’t do since being smart is seen as ‘abnormal’ to Konoha for some reason. BUT! I think we can help each other out by giving each other our strengths in exchange for making our goals easier to achieve.”
“.....”
“.........elaborate, usuratonkachi.”
“Well, I can help you both in some things and in exchange for my help, you two can teach me things that I don’t have available or on hand. For example, I have a LOT of stamina and at least two very good jutsus on hand, I can be your sparring partners and give you access to not only the Kage Bunshins, but also my Oiroke-”
“Why would we WANT to learn that perverted jutsu?” Sakura interrupted with a frown.
“....look, the Oiroke no Jutsu IS useful and I can explain why.” He said with a sigh. “I made that jutsu to make fools of the shinobi, it’s just a simple henge that I intentionally exaggerated to make them look stupid.”
“And perverted.”
“Sakura-chan. We use henges ALL the time, some of them are the opposite gender. We use them all the time for everyday use and yet when I intentionally MAKE a jutsu that exaggerates the proportions as a distraction, I get punched in the face by either you or others.” He said with a huff. “It’s kinda stupid, it’s like getting mad at a person who turns into a girl for a mission. It’s kinda double standards really...and yes I know that word, dattebayo!”
“...oh, when you put it that way it kinda....makes sense. But you make them naked!”
“For distractions, but they can be clothed and used for the perfect infiltrators. I mean, I USED that jutsu all the time to get clothes and groceries, no one expects a busty babe walking into the store with whiskers on their cheeks.” the Last Uzumaki said while pointing to his cheeks, taking notice of how....surprised his teammates were at the revelation. “All they are doing is staring at the cleavage, not the birthmarks. And if you use them, it’s just like a normal henge, just tailor-made to make the perverts of the world only focus on one part of them instead of looking for flaws.”
“........huh, kinda smart once you get past how perverted it sounds. Although I’m not so sure teaching us that is a good idea.”
“I’m still willing to do it, but for my services, you two....well, have to do a few things.”
“Like what?”
“Well, chakra control for one. I suck, so I help you with stamina, you teach me how to fix that.” He said while looking at Sasuke. “And you can train me with taijutsu and genjutsu, maybe some ninjutsu as well in exchange for me teaching you the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu and how to hide from the jonin, don’t forget I’m able to hide from jonin and ANBUs after every prank, it might help you both in the long run.”
“....that’s it?”
“Well, besides teaching each other, we can also help with certain...things. For me....since you know more about clan stuff and are...better liked, perhaps, after I teach you how to be undetectable....” Naruto said while....looking a little hopeful. “You can sneak into the Old Man’s office or the records archives to....find information about my parents?”
“.......”
“I know it’s stupid, but I....I’m tired of not knowing my own past and who my parents were. If you can find anything about them, I’ll eternally be grateful to you.”
“.....I see, and if I do that, what’ll be in it for me?”
“I can do the same but with....well the Uchiha records.”
“Eh? Why would you do that, usuratonkachi?”
“.....I kinda want to know why your clan was killed off. Something just didn’t feel right that night and I feel like something’s off about it?”
“What’s there to question? Itachi killed everyone, end of story.”
“I get that, but not everything official is true. Look at me, I’m living proof.” he said with a frown. “Maybe there’s something we aren’t supposed to know about and if there is, I can find it somehow.”
“And what makes you so sure about that?”
“I’m an unpredictable person, things sometimes happen that end up working in my favor and I’ll help you figure out WHAT that missing piece is, dattebayo!”
“.....fine, but I still think you’re wasting your time with that one.” he said with a sigh, although a small smile subconsciously formed on his lips.
“What about me?” Sakura said while crossing her arms. “What would you do for me if I help you with chakra control, besides stamina training?”
“Right....um......oh! I can help you patch things up with Ino and maybe help beat up the bullies that made fun of you?”
“.....I see, that would be nice BUT only if you get rid of those orange clothes.”
“EH!? But these are the only ones the shopkeepers will let me wear!”
“.......after our sensei shows up, I’m helping you get new clothes, no exceptions.”
“Sakura-”
“I’m joining too. I hate that orange monstrosity as well...plus Sakura needs some more shinobi appropriate clothes.” Sasuke said bluntly while Sakura looked at him with betrayal. “Honestly, both of you look like kids cosplaying a shinobi, not genin just graduating from the academy.”
“Hey, our clothes are just fine, shannaro/dattebayo!” Both pink and blonde genins yelled in unison, only to lightly blush and look away from each other in embarrassment.
“.....I’ll teach Sakura about the other jutsu styles as well, if she promises me to stop fangirling over me. I hate fangirls.”
“Oh....I see, so-”
“If you don’t focus all your effort on my attention, it’ll work out.”
“Ah...and I’ll help with chakra control if you just lighten up about killing your brother and socialize a little.” Sakura said with a smile before pointing to Naruto. “You did say you don’t have friends and dreams, so maybe if we help you with that, maybe you’ll feel more fulfilled when you do find your brother?”
“......hm, we’ll see about that.”
“Ok, so with that settled....um, does anyone know where our sensei is?” Naruto asked while looking around. “Because it feels like we’ve been here for days.”
“It’s only been five hours.” The Last Uchiha deadpanned. “And no, we don’t.”
“Maybe he’s running late?” Sakura suggested with a shrug.
“Five hours late? Really, Sakura-chan?”
“It’s the best I can come with!”
“Mmmmm, perhaps we can prank them?”
“.....”
“......”
“Oh, don’t be like that, we’re all annoyed they didn’t come, so why not pay them back tenfold, dattebayo?”
“....fine, but I’m coming up with the plan, usuratonkachi.”
“Oi! Why you!?”
“Because your pranks are too easy. It won’t fool a jonin.”
“......mmmm.” Naruto grumbled while crossing his arms and pouted....very cutely in the eyes of his two teammates for some reason. “Fine, what do you have in mind?”
“Ever heard of the Hashirama Maneuver?”
“No.”
“It’s an old Uchiha secret that one of the old Uchiha Elders used on the First Hokage.” Sasuke said before pulling the two genin closer to him....accidentally taking a small whiff of Naruto’s lavender shampoo and Sakura’s cherry blossom conditioner in the process. “Now, here’s what it entails....”
The afternoon sun began to dip down towards its eventual descent from its midday perch as the Last Hatake walked towards the room marked ‘ 201 ’, his mind unsure about this entire situation.
He HAD seen his future team....kiss from the Hokage’s all-seeing ‘orb’, the other jonin also saw it and....it was interesting to say the least.
Never before had he seen a three-way kiss before except in Icha-Icha: Make-Out Tactics, chapter two, page 56......and it was a little more realistic than in said book too.
There was no make-out scene, no ripped clothes and an intense....session within the classroom, it was just confusion, arousal and speechlessness.
All normal for people who are questioning their own orientation.
Still, he had to train them and while that kiss was a little amusing....he still didn’t know if they had what it takes, if they will become the best Konoha has to offer.
‘....knowing those three, they might be trying to kill each other right now.’ he thought to himself while opening the door....and saw Hinata walking out of the room, bumping into him by mistake.
“O-Oh s-sorry. I didn’t mean-” She stuttered while looking away, making the jonin feel a little bad for her, given he knew....about her ‘home life’.
“Ma ma. It’s fine, I wasn’t paying attention, but why are you still here? Isn’t Kurenai supposed to have picked you up by now?”
“Oh....well, Kurenai-sensei wanted me to get something from the classroom and....I couldn’t find it.”
“Mmm, and what would that be?”
“....it’s....embarrassing.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t judge.”
“.....well, Akamaru stole something off of her before we left.” Hinata said with an embarrassed tone, her eyes darting away from the jonin like he had the plague. “....it’s....it’s too embarrassing!”
“Hinata, no one’s going to judge. Just tell me what Kurenai lost-”
“S-S-S-S-S-S-S-She lost her bandages!!”
“...............what?”
“K-Kurenai-sensei lost her bandages, the ones she wears on her legs! Akamaru stole them b-b-because I think he smelled something interesting and o-o-once he ran off....o-o-oh kami, her entire blouse fell apart!” Hinata exclaimed while her entire face turned bright red. “A-A-And she wasn’t wearing anything under it!!”
‘......ah, so she and Asuma did it the night before and she forgot to put on underwear. I knew they were into each other, but to forget something like that....it must’ve been a wild night.’
“P-Please! Help me find her bandages, s-s-she needs them before she d-d-d-dies from embarrassment!”
“Ma ma, don’t worry. We’ll go find them...where did you see Akamaru run off to anyway?” The Last Hatake asked while noticing that the Hyuuga was pointing outside towards the nearby window.
“He ran that way....towards the Shopping District, I think.”
“I see....can you use your Byakugan?”
“....I’ve been having migraines in my eyes lately.” she said while looking down at her feet, a little ashamed to admit it to someone else. “I’ve been...trying to not use them so often.”
“...I know an optometrist who specializes in dojutsu, do you want me to make an appointment for you?”
“O-Oh...thanks, b-but I think Kurenai-sensei needs her bandages first.” The former Hyuuga heiress said while walking towards the window and jumped out of it in a flash. “S-S-Sorry!”
‘.....a little suspicious, but then again she does have to worry about her mother figure a lot more than her other teammates, so I’ll let that slide.’ he thought to himself while disappearing in a cloud of smoke.
Yet, as time flew by and he followed Hinata around the various shops and bookstores, the last one a temptation for him since he REALLY wanted to see if the new Icha-Icha novel was out yet, the jonin, soon-to-be sensei, felt....
Like he was being played with.
But how is that possible? He knew that Hinata wasn’t manipulative or had a bad bone in her body....yet this felt strange.
A little out of character....mmm, maybe he’s just still running on ANBU instincts?
‘I better have a word with Kurenai after this, maybe this is her idea?’ He thought before noticing that Hinata was walking towards an empty courtyard, one that was once part of the Onikuma Clan before it lost the funds and was placed into real estate hell. ‘Oh? There she is.’
As the jonin quickly followed the newly minted genin into the courtyard....
He noticed that Hinata was....gone, like she vanished into the shadows like....a shinobi, ha, ironic.
“Now, why is she going in here? Mmmm, perhaps she’s looking for that dog here, but wouldn’t Kiba have reigned him in beforehand?” Kakashi muttered out loud as he stepped into the center square and noticed....
Anko and Iruka walk by him in a hurry, as if rushing for an important date or something.
“Eh? Anko, Iruka? What are-”
“Sorry, Kakashi!”
“Busy!”
“.....eh?!” he said in confusion before seeing the two sprinting away, his lone eye catching a glimpse of something falling to the ground as the two shinobi ran off into the alleyway behind the Hatake. “Wait, you dropped something!” ‘Did he FINALLY confess to Anko after all these years!? Ugh, and here I thought Iruka would start dating Kushina’s goddaughter Ayame! ...looks like I lost a few ryo on that bet.’
.....looking around to see if anyone was around out of habit, the jonin slowly walked towards the spot the two shinobi ran by and looked down....
And saw a copy of Icha-Icha: Make-Out Paradise lying haphazardly on the ground.
“.....wait a second, why would those two have that book?” he said out loud as he blinked in confusion, not noticing a few sets of eyes staring at him from the rooftops and alleyways, his focus at the moment being on the book itself. “I know Iruka HATES that series and Anko....she’s more of a hentai fan than a romantic romcom fan....unless it was Icha-Icha: Violence that is.”
Yet as the jonin went to bend down to acquire the book......
Several long tripwires suddenly shot towards him from all directions via shurikens, wrapping around his limbs within an instant before, with that same amount of time-
SLAM!
He found himself thrown into an open trashcat, the large doors slamming shut and, strangely enough, getting blocked by heavy stones and old AC units.
“What the!?” Kakashi thought in shock as he tried, and failed, to get his arms freed, the wire wrapped extremely tightly against his body like a caterpillar’s cocoon. ‘How did I not notice that attack!? ....fuck, I knew Anko and Iruka were acting strange, same with Hinata!’
CLANG!
CLANG!
CLANG!
“Let me out!”
CLANG!
CLANG!
CLANG!
As the now enraged jonin slammed his body against the sides of the trashcan, the forms of Anko, Iruka and Hinata walked out from behind a wall, seemingly proud of themselves....
Before, in an instant, their forms were covered in smoke, revealing the soon-to-be Team 7 genin in their place!
“And that’s how you use the Hashirama Maneuver, usuratonkachi.” Sasuke said with a small smirk, his eyes looking right at the blonde Uzumaki with arrogant pride. “Way better than a stupid eraser in between the doorframe prank.”
“.....yeah, you’re right, I guess.”
“I’m always right.”
“Don’t push it, Teme!”
“Relax, you two!” Sakura said while pulling on the two boys’ earlobes in annoyance, making them yelp in pain. “You were both right, so stop arguing about stupid things, shannaro!”
“Sorry!” Both said at once before the pink-haired genin released her grip and rubbed their earlobes in pain. ‘....scary!’
“.....sorry about the ears, I didn’t mean to lose my cool that time.” she said with a sigh, only to look at Naruto. “I’m actually surprised how good you were acting like Hinata, how did you even do it?”
“Oh well, she’s my first friend, I might not show it, but I kinda learned her....mannerisms, I think that's the right word?” he said while feeling the pain in his earlobe subsiding. “She’s cool but....kinda weird with her fainting spells.”
‘That’s because she LIKES you baka/usuratonkachi.’ the two other genin deadpanned in mental unison.
“Plus her jacket helped when I took sensei’s book.” he said before picking up the book with a....curious gleam in his eyes. “Hey, want to see what’s in it?”
“Later.” Sasuke deadpanned, knowing that he AND Sakura were rather interested in what sort of book it was....and hoped it was a murder mystery book or something. “We still have new clothes to get for you and Sakura.”
“Ugh! I still think my clothes are perfectly fine.”
“Yeah, no. You look like an orange clown.”
“OI!”
CLANG!
CLANG!
CLANG!
“Um, should we let him out?” Sakura asked while flinching a little at the horrible sound from the trashcan. “He seems a little...mad.”
“No, the Hashirama Maneuver clearly states that we have to wait until tomorrow for the target to be released. It’s tradition.”
“Yeah, tradition. Like how it wanted us to stuff him inside a tree.” Naruto deadpanned. “That clearly is a normal tradition in your family.”
“Don’t forget it WAS made to trap the First Hokage, who could make trees out of his own chakra. It’s a form of humiliation...although be thankful it allowed for substitutes.”
“I mean stuffing him into a tree is kinda hard.”
“I kinda agree with Naruto, doing that to sensei might’ve taken too long.” Sakura said while flinching from another sudden clang from the trashcan. “But still, are you sure we should keep him there? What if he reports us to the Hokage?”
“......”
“.....”
“.......”
“....plausible deniability?” Sasuke suggested with a sweatdrop, his two teammates nodding in agreement at the idea, not wanting to get in trouble just AFTER becoming shinobi. “Then we agree-”
GROWL!!!
“.....”
“.....”
“Um, my bad.” Naruto said with a chuckle, his cheeks turning a faint pink from embarrassment. “All that running around worked up an appetite, especially when I made the Kage Bunshins that tied sensei up, dattebayo.”
“We all are tired, usuratonkachi.”
“So, what should we-”
“Ramen!”
“Not ramen!” Sakura deadpanned while taking a deep breath. “It’s too salty-”
“Sakura-chan, remember what we agreed on. Diets aren’t good for us shinobi.”
“......right....fine. But next time I’m picking the meal. Got it?”
The Uzumaki nodded with a smile as Sasuke shook his head at his....adorably simple-minded nature.
....wait, adorable?
‘Why did I think that?’ The Uchiha thought in confusion before noticing Naruto grabbing his left arm and his not-so-secret crush, Sakura’s, right arm. “What are-”
“I know just the place to eat! Let’s go to Ichiraku Ramen, dattebayo!”
“Wait, hey!” Sakura cried out in surprise as the two genin were pulled away by their hyperactive classmate by the arms, his laughter....his smile....
Extremely intoxicating.
....it warmed even the Last Uchiha’s heart...it made Sakura’s heart skip a beat.
For....even when they left their sensei alone in his temporary prison, they felt....only a sensation of peace at this moment.
No feelings of hate, no self-loathing or murderous intentions upon other people.
Just a sense of hopeful serenity that was as bright as the sun itself.
And it all came from holding hands with the village’s most annoying yet optimistic troublemaker in Konoha’s history....
From Naruto Uzumaki....their bright sun....their idiot teammate....
Their light in the darkness.
“....damn it....” Kakashi grumbled while finally stopping his assault on the metal prison, his single eye narrowing in tired frustration at both his predicament and the horrid smell. “....whoever put me in here is dead, even if it's my own genin team!”
And lo, from the garbage around him, a pack of opossums rose up and glared at the man, low growls forming from their throats as a few baby opossums clung to them like tiny armor plating.
“.....oh no.”
‘Oh kami.’ Sakura thought as she sat in-between Sasuke and Naruto, her wide eyes looking to her left in disbelief along with her crush at the fact that....the Uzumaki was on his FIFTH bowl of ramen and wasn’t stopping his gluttony at all. ‘Just how does he NOT get sick from eating that!’
‘.....why does this remind me of myself when....he was still in the village?’ The Last Uchiha thought while feeling a little....disgusted yet amazed at the blonde genin’s....bottomless hunger. ‘And just how can he stay THIN from eating all that!?’
“Another one!”
“No!” Both Uchiha and Haruno genin yelled in unison.
“Eh? But I’m hungry-”
“You already had five large bowls of ramen!” Sakura deadpanned. “Let your stomach rest and stop wasting your money!”
“.....but-”
“No more ramen.” Sasuke said bluntly, a hint of annoyance VERY evident in his tone.
“.....fine, but I won’t like it, dattebayo.” Naruto grumbled while looking at Sakura’s bowl with hunger. “Can I-”
“ Naruto. ”
“Sorry!”
‘.....why does he have to look adorable when scared-wait, why did I think that?’ Sakura thought in confusion before shaking her head, wanting to change the subject before she said something stupid.
After all, she was supposed to be the brains of the group, not the useless idiot.
....and she didn’t want to be useless....ever.
“Say, Naruto.”
“Eh?”
“Why are you named after a ramen topping anyway?”
“........I, um....don’t know.” he admitted honestly, looking just as confused as Sakura was at the moment. “I’ve just been called that since I could remember.”
“Really?”
“....yeah, really.”
“Still a stupid name.” Sasuke said while ignoring the Uzumaki’s glare. “It’s like calling someone, tomato.”
“Don’t make me change your name from Teme to Tomato Face, dattebayo!”
“You wouldn’t dare!”
“Make me-”
“I actually know why you were named Naruto.”
All three genin blinked before turning towards the counter, where the restaurant’s owner, Teuchi, was standing right in front of them, having overheard the entire conversation.
“Wait, you know why the usuratonkachi is named after a ramen topping?” Sasuke asked in surprise.
“Yes, but it’s not just because of the ironic naming choice. Did you know that Jiraiya the Toad Sage used to frequent this place?”
“Wait, one of the Sannin?” Sakura said in surprise, although Naruto just stared blankly at the ramen maker’s words.
“Sann...in?”
“Did you forget about the Second Shinobi War lessons when we were in the academy?!”
“....a little, I wasn’t taught well, remember, Sakura-chan.”
“Oh right, forgot about that. Mmmm, Naruto, the Sannin are the legendary students of the Third Hokag-”
“Wait, the Old Man had students!? Man, and he didn’t do squat with me!”
“....anyway, they were his students. One turned traitor, the other, Lady Tsunade, left the village for some reason, and the last one...no idea what he’s doing. They are kinda mysterious and powerful....wait, why did you mention that, Teuchi-san?”
The older man chuckled at the pink-haired genin’s confused face, his daughter Ayame sneaking a bowl of ramen to their favorite customer, who gave them a thumbs up in the process, before he crossed his arms over his chest. “Because besides being a celebrated shinobi who taught the Fourth Hokage, he is also the writer of a few novels, including....the Icha-Icha series.”
“....”
“....”
“...WHAT!?”
“Now before you attack the messenger, I’m only mentioning that because before he wrote for that series, he made a novel that was rather an unsung classic among my generation.” he said while raising his hand up in a defensive manner, although he could definitely see Sakura’s glare threatening to bore a hole through his face. “And its main protagonist is named Naruto.”
“.....really?” The Last Uzumaki said with wide eyes, feeling a little happy that his name was used for a book’s protagonist....instead of a villain like how the villagers referred to him as.
“Yep, Naruto Musasabi, the hero of Shuku. Funny, both you and the book’s namesake are REALLY similar.”
“Eh?”
“Both of you have never met their parents, are good-natured and hard-working people, and loyal to a fault. However, both of you are....kinda dumb and idiotic when it comes to some things.”
“Ha!” Sasuke laughed with mirth while looking away from his teammates, who were both surprised at his sudden laugh and, in the case of Naruto, angry at being referred to as dumb. “That is so painfully true! The usuratonkachi and this Musasabi character must be cut from the same cloth!”
“OI!”
“.....in a way, you are right.”
“Tenchi-san why!?”
“Sorry Naruto, I had to be honest.”
The Uzumaki groaned while feeling very much saddened that he was betrayed by the man that he saw as an uncle figure, his head looking down at his food before noticing that Sakura was patting his back....seemingly trying to reassure him a little.
“Maybe we should move on? Before you accidentally make Naruto curl up into a ball?”
“Right, sorry Naruto.”
“Hey dad.” Ayame said while giving the blonde genin a foxy smirk, akin to a teasing older sister. “I think you forgot something about Naruto’s character.”
“Wait? I did?”
“Yep, you forgot to say both Naruto and Naruto of Shuku are big perverts with a massive crush on the heroine. You can’t forget that when Nar-kun here is a perv at heart~”
“A-AYAME-NEE-CHAN!!!!!! WHY!?” Naruto screamed in embarrassment while slamming his head on the ground to hide his reddened face, the Last Uchiha cackling at his misery while his crush just facepalmed at his antics.
“Consider that payback for the ramen~”
“Meanie, dattebayo!!!”
‘Yep, very similar personalities....although, I do feel a little happy that these two act like a family for him.’ Sakura thought to herself with a smile. ‘Everyone needs connections....even when you think you don’t need it. ....I’m sorry Ino....I wish we were still friends, but I need to be your equal, not your lesser.’
“Ayame.”
“Relax dad, Nar-kun knows it’s friendly teasing.” she said with a snicker before heading to the back.
“....ugh, sometimes I feel like you corrupted her, Naruto.”
“She was already corrupt BEFORE I came into the picture.” Naruto said with a sigh, raising his head up and taking the opportunity to finish his secret ramen before anyone noticed it.
“If this book is that great.” Sasuke said, his momentary laughing spree finally subsiding after a few seconds, as he looked at the ramen stand owner with a raised eyebrow. “Why haven’t any of us heard it beforehand? It would’ve been added to the academy’s library if it was an ‘underrated classic’.”
“....well, the book was considered a failure because it was Jiraiya’s first book, he was still getting the hang of his own writing style. Because of the low sales, not many copies were printed, with only about one hundred currently existing.”
“Oh....”
“I think there’s a copy at the Konoha Library, but for all I know, it was taken by someone and got lost during the Kyuubi Attack. A lot of the older parts of the village did get damaged, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the library got hit hard as well.” the older man said with a shrug before realizing something. “Oh, Naruto.”
“Hmm?” the genin said while currently stuffing his mouth with ramen noodles, which made Sakura glare at him for eating ANOTHER bowl of ramen behind her back. “Yes?”
“I just remembered that the copy in the library might have a foreword written by the author and the Fourth Hokage, one with a photo of the Toad Sannin, his student and his wife. It might’ve been Lord Fourth’s original copy, but I could be wrong. Maybe once you find it, you’ll enjoy the book like I did.”
“....ok?”
“Come on, usuratonkachi.” Sasuke said while getting up, stretching his arms out a little and letting the joints pop. “Pay the tab so we can get you and Sakura some REAL shinobi clothes.”
“My clothes are fine-”
“No, it's not, so just pay the bill before I burn that jacket of yours here and now.”
“Ok ok! No need to get so violent, Teme! Dattebayo!!”
“It’s called tough love, you peabrained louse.” the Uchiha said before realizing what he just said and felt his cheeks faintly heat up from embarrassment. ‘Why did I phrase it like that!?’
“I didn’t ask for that!”
“W-W-Well, you deserved it!”
“Knock it off, you two.” Sakura interrupted with a sigh, before paying for the meal instead. “And for today, I’ll pay for the meal. But when we DO go out again, we’re doing BBQ, got it?”
“Oh thanks, Sakura-chan!”
The pink-haired genin sighed with a small smile, knowing that these two boys, one her crush and the other her teammate, were...her responsibility to rein in....not that she minded in the slightest.
For it just made things feel better in her opinion.
“Hm.” The Last Uchiha grunted while subconsciously grabbing his teammate’s hands and pulled them away from the store.
“S-Sasuke-kun?”
“Oi Teme, what are-”
“Come on, the stores will be closing soon.” he said with a huff while dragging his teammates away, not realizing that to an outsider looking in....
He kinda looked like a clingy boyfriend with his girl/boyfriend (s).
“.....hopefully they find that book.” Tenchi said to himself as he saw the three genin walking away into the endless streets of Konoha. “I might not be allowed to reveal the truth, but that doesn’t mean I can ‘nudge’ them in the right direction. ....it’s the least I can do for him, for them.”
The stares....
The stares....so many stares....so many hateful stares....
It was unbearable to the Uchiha and Haruno genin as they walked next to Naruto into the Shopping District, as if their eyes were beholding an incomprehensible truth hidden under a veil of ignorance.
They have been down these streets before, they have bought clothes in this place, they knew many of the shopkeepers and customers....and yet....
There was no kindness, no feelings of warmth, not an ounce of hospitality were in their eyes, no....happiness that was supposed to be commonplace....and in its place....
Was a crushing weight of hate, distrust, fear, loathing, arrogance, disgust and utter inhuman malice.
An oppressive pressure greater than the abyss itself.
It was....a familiar feeling for them.
It was felt every time Sakura walked out of her house in her youth.
It was felt before and after Sasuke lost everything.
And yet, the feelings were small, insignificant, easy to ignore....
But now? Those feelings were akin to a blast of arctic wind, a whirlwind of concentrated ill-intention that would weather an innocent person’s heart of gold into acidic tar instantaneously.
....how their blonde teammate was able to endure this over the years is....concerning to say the least. And....they were too blind to see it before.
Maybe it was childish cruelty? Perhaps they were too focused on their own goals to step back and see what was truly going on under their noses? Perhaps their ignorance to the blonde’s unknown burden was the reason for their unwillingness to show empathy to a fellow human being?
But now, standing in the eye of the storm....they felt....
Protective of this cinnamon bun of idiotic kindness....and they would be DAMNED if they would let their new teammate suffer like they had suffered!
“Ugh, guys.” Naruto said while noticing his teammates glaring at everyone around them, seemingly trying to scare the villagers away, their hands clasping his own in a protective manner. “Are you two ok?”
“Yes. We’re fine.” Sakura said while channeling her ‘Inner Self’s’ aggression outwards towards a few chunin, each one shivering from the killer intent like they just entered a meat locker.
“Are you sure? You guys look a little....tense.”
“We’re fine, usuratonkachi.” The Last Uchiha growled while glaring at a few of his ‘fangirls’ that were in the area, each one running away like headless chickens at the sight of their ‘beloved Sasuke-kun’ giving them a look that MIGHT’VE murdered them on the spot.
“.....um....ok?” ‘What’s going on with them? Why are they so....protective-oh, right. Told them about the fox....still weird though, especially with the Teme.’
More glares, more cowardly villagers looked upon the genin with a mix of hesitation and fear as they walked past the main road and, in a sudden motion that surprised Naruto, dashed down an empty alleyway away from prying eyes.
“Naruto.”
“Yes, Sakura-chan?”
“I KNOW I said your Oiroke no Jutsu is perverted, but....” the pink-haired girl said with a deep sigh. “I think you need to quickly teach us how to use it.”
“...eh!? But why?!”
“The glares are overbearing.” Sasuke frowned while both he and Sakura kept on holding the blonde’s hands. “And you said that you use that jutsu to get groceries, am I right?”
“Yes, but it takes time to-”
“Naruto, both of us are good at henges already. We CAN get it down easily, just give up some pointers.” Sakura interrupted with a sigh, knowing that their blonde idiot knew they were good shinobi already and that they could understand....the Oiroke no Jutsu with some ease, even if it WAS perverted for them.
“........alright.” he said while finally noticing their hands holding his own. “Um, but can you two let go of my hands, dattebayo?”
Both pink and black-haired genin looked down at their hands before instantly releasing their grip, a light blush forming on their lips as their blonde teammate smiled at them, making their own hearts skip a beat momentarily.
“Ok, the trick is to exaggerate but make it realistic. Like you turn into an older version of yourself, or someone else, but all the assets they have need to be big yet isn’t unrealistic.” Naruto said while seeing the wheels in his teammate’s heads turning. “So if you prefer large butts, make the chest a little balanced. If you like large boobs, make sure the butt is big enough to keep yourself from getting back pain.”
“.....”
“.......”
“What? I had trial and errors too, dattebayo!”
“.....can it be the same gender or must it be a different gender?”
“Sakura-chan, it can be both, but I prefer being a girl. It’s all up to what you want to turn into and that’s it.”
The two genin just stared at their blonde teammate, understanding HOW the jutsu worked but....unsure if they should do it or not.
Yes, they hated the glares....but doing the jutsu might not work in their favor....
Then again....
Maybe the jutsu WILL work and they might like it?
It’s not like it had any negative effects sans embarrassment....and to be fair....
They could stomach the embarrassment if that meant Naruto had a good time shopping with them.
After all....he needed new, non-orange, clothes.
“Oiroke no Jutsu!”
And lo, in a sudden explosion of smoke....a tall woman, her skin semi-tanned, her long blonde hair rested upon her wide hips in the form of twin pigtails, her....chest bigger than most women her age.
Yet, unlike....the usual henge, where she wore nothing at all, she wore a red sleeveless one-piece dress that tugged tightly against her assets, her red high heels making her a few inches taller as a black leather belt was haphazardly placed around her waist....the orange swirl unintentionally placed near her nether-regions.
....strangely, it made her look....‘mature’....like a different person entirely, even with the whisker marks that were STILL on her cheeks.
“Tada! How do I look~?”
“Get rid of the whiskers, usuratonkachi.” Sasuke deadpanned while....looking rather unamused at the blonde’s wardrobe. “And change those clothes.”
“EH!?”
“You look like someone’s horny cougar aunt.”
“.........how do you-”
“I had aunts like that, so just change the clothes!”
With a huff, a cute pout and a nod, the blonde Uzumaki undid his transformation for a fraction of a second before doing the same hand signs again and....
....and.......
....and.....
“How do I look?”
Once, twice, thrice did the two genin stare dumbfounded at the person in front of them....a sense of awe radiating from the spot like a star in the center of a solar system.
For....right in front of them, was....a real beauty.
Tall, her skin fair yet coated with a light tan akin to foiled copper, her eyes like the calm surf. Her hair, silky and light like liquid gold, fell down to her wide hips, long strands framing her cheeks while the entire mass was held in place by a violet band....styled into a high ponytail that swayed in the wind with the faintest of breezes.
Upon her slender frame rested a simple sleeveless gray blouse, its high collar protecting her delicate neck as her long blue dress fit loosely against her ample chest, the skirt coming to an end near her delicate knees....white sandals protecting her feet like a princess’ slipper.
Her left hand, its wrist protected by a band colored red like fire, moved away from her right hand as she spun herself a little, allowing the hair to snake around like a serpent made of sunlight, before she stopped and rested her hand upon her hips like a joyful mother.
....this wasn’t a henge....
This was....a kami on earth.
And for the Uchiha and Haruno....all they could think at this moment was....
Holy fucking kami, THAT’S Naruto FUCKING Uzumaki!?
“Guys?” she said in confusion, her voice akin to singing angels in the mind of the two genin. “Guys? Earth to Teme and Sakura-chan?”
“........”
“.....usuratonkachi....how did....?”
“Well....I honestly don’t know. I just....thought ‘clothed lady’ and poof, I turned into her.” she said while looking at herself with....a strange sense of....nostalgia. “Is it good?”
“Good?” Sakura said while trying NOT to stutter like a certain Hyuuga at the sight of this....goddess. “Naruto, if you had shown THAT to Iruka-sensei, you could’ve been made a fucking jonin by now! This is the best henge I’ve ever seen in my entire life, and it’s not even remotely perverted!”
“O-Oh....thanks, Sakura-chan.”
‘.....why does this henge’s clothes, hair and....form remind me of someone? Mmmm....I think mother had a picture in her room with a similar woman in it, I better check after finishing this shopping trip.’ The Last Uchiha thought while unconsciously staring at the woman’s face, making her blush a little.
“H-Hey, Teme. Stop s-staring, it’s kinda embarrassing~” ‘Why did I just moan that part!?’
“R-Right, sorry.”
“.....anyway, time for you two to use the jutsu and remember, exaggerate, be semi realistic and use personal preferences when thinking of the henge.” the blonde woman said with a smile before raising her left arm out and punched the air. “You two can do it, dattebayo!”
The two genin felt their cheeks flush from their teammate’s cheer, eyes locking onto each other for a moment of understanding before they nodded and made the hand signs.
“Oiroke no Jutsu!”
The sun slowly began to set on the horizon, the neon and lantern lights taking over the formerly sunlit village, illuminating the slowly dwindling crowds like a blanket of light.
Yet....as the streets became more and more uncongested, the shops either closed their doors for the night or opened their establishments for the more....nocturnal of customers....
An interesting group of people walked down the street with smiles plastered on their faces, arms holding numerous bags like they were nothing.
For a few villagers who were still on the streets, they noticed....that these individuals were....
Kami-damned HOT!
Oh, they were hot....especially the beautiful ‘sun goddess’ in the center of this group, her smile so radiant that it made the night seem lesser compared to her divine radiance.
But her companions....
Her companions were EQUALLY as divine!
On her left....skin pale as alabaster, frame tall yet slender, eyes akin to cavernous voids that seem to draw a person’s attention in and never let them go. Her hair, black as the night sky yet curled like thorny vines, cascaded downwards across her back and over her motherly hips, her chest, the size of ripe melons, bounced with each step as strands of ebony rested across her shoulders.
Lips as red as the wild rose, formed a smile across her soft face as she raised her left hand to her face, her purple nails, curved yet deceptively soft as a kitten’s claw, shining like wine within a crystal glass while two copper rings rested upon her ring fingers....as if attempting, and failing, to restrain her divine power of beauty amidst the realm of man and its impure intentions.
Draped across her frame was a form-fitting bodystocking, dyed the color of night and covered her entire body like glistening fish scales, her dark purple pinafore dress rested upon her front like protective armor yet revealed her entire backside....as if to lure the sinful into a compromised position before the wrath of a kami descended upon them.
Upon her sleeveless dress rested an eight-headed serpent of the dullest of red color, its six heads stitched outwards towards her shoulders and opened their jaws in a protective manner as its remaining two heads circled her waist....its yellow eyes looking outwards for foolish mortals who’d dare sully her divine form with their touch. Each step she took upon the mortal plane was filled with power, the clanking of her platforms, tall and infused with hues of dark blue and gray, seemed to make the air crackle with thunderous intent, a warning to the unworthy and a sign of hope to the worthy.
....a true beauty, a demigoddess embodying the eternal concept of perfection whose humility and confidence made those who gazed upon her raise their hands in mass prayer, hoping to gain favor with this divinity in human form, while those with wicked hearts sank back into the darkness to avoid her upcoming storm.
And on her right....tall yet mysterious, their frame soft yet muscular, skin pale as snow, their eyes shone like unpolished emeralds....their hair, dyed the color of amarath, twisted downwards like the roots of a tree around their neck and down their chest in a triple braided ponytail, upon their orbs of green were eyeshadows painted brilliant gold that streaked downwards towards their ears like coral branches.
Resting upon their frame was a dull gray aoqun, its sleeves long yet exposed the figure’s red nails that shone like glistening stars while the robes’ red chest flap was open to the world....revealing a bare chest that felt...almost tempting to the wandering eyes. Their long black skirt hugged against the wide hips and protected their slender legs from the elements...its soft fabric decorated with vermilion phoenixes across its sides as hanging from the inner ears were a pair of silver earrings in the shape of heavenly phoenixes that added to the figure’s magnificent aura.
Along their waist was a thin red sash that kept the entire outfit from falling apart....the twin trails resting upon their thighs as three jade rings, which shone like pale diamonds, held the strings in place, their footsteps soft yet filled with a hidden confidence as their gray flats seemingly parted from the dirt without disturbing a single grain of soil.
....they....they were a kami, one from the celestial courts above, a transcendent being beyond the notions of ‘her’ and ‘him’ who now walks amongst the mortals that are unworthy in witnessing their beauty.
Yes, upon the streets of Konoha, under the light of the fading sun and the rising moon....
The personifications of the sun, the raging storm and the heavens itself, walked amongst the mortal world, indulging in mortal whims and acquiring bags upon bags of clothes without limit, their contents unknown.
And for the villagers....all of them can think of one thing and one thing only as the three women walk down the streets of the Shopping District.
Are they kami and if so, which temple must I go to devote myself to their worship?
“New jackets, lots of pants, cool shirts, and everything a shinobi needs.” the blonde ‘sun goddess’ said with a grin. “I have to admit, you really have great tastes, Sasuki, Sakuro-kun~”
“We know, and it’s Izumi, not Sasuki.” the ebony-haired woman said, her voice soft yet filled with power, akin to volts of lightning, as she playfully rolled her eyes at her companion. “That other name is too similar to...you know.”
“Oh, right, incognito stuff. My bad, Izumi.”
“Natsumi.” the androgynous figure said with a sigh, their tone low yet soft enough to be mistaken for an angelic choir. “Also call me Taihaku. Sasuko sounds....weird in this form.”
“Sorry, I’ll keep that in mind. Still, I’m surprised you chose such a pretty form, I thought you wanted a guy henge.”
“Yes, but....I don’t know. I just-”
“Oh relax, whatever henge you take its perfect in my eyes, Taihaku-kun.” Natsumi said with a giggle, making the figure’s cheeks flush red.
“.....thanks.”
“Any time, oh and Izumi.”
“What?” the ‘storm goddess’ said with a raised eyebrow.
“Why the name Izumi? Not that it doesn’t fit you-”
“My....brother had a girlfriend, well, a friend who was a girl who loved him a lot. Her name was Izumi and I both hated her for stealing his attention....and hoped she would make him happy...fat lot that did, given what happened.”
“Oh, you mean that nice lady who gave me cookies?”
“Wait, what?”
“She used to make cookies for me on Fridays...but I didn’t know what happened until much later.” Natsumi said sadly before smiling and wrapping her arms around her companion’s necks. “BUT! Let’s not fret on the sad things, we’re on a shopping date! Let’s have some fun!”
Her two companions heavily blushed at the sudden bout of affection, eyes widening slightly, before releasing a small sigh of resignation.
Though....they didn’t mind it, it just felt....comforting that someone would act like this, despite their past animosities with the other. Plus....
This was technically their last day before they would officially become a team of genin, adults in the eyes of the Shinobi World, so why not have one last hurrah before they had to leave innocence behind them like an old fling?
“So what’s next, you guys?”
“Well, we already bought you new shirts, pants, jackets, underwear, socks, shuriken holsters, shinobi issued sandals, a few fingerless gloves and shorts, all of them different colors other than orange.” Taihaku said while mentally counting the total amount of bought items, plus the bags, they all acquired during the afternoon and early evening. “So the only things left on the list are pajamas, an umbrella, a cooking apron....for some reason, as well as some shampoo and then we’ll call it a night.”
“Don’t forget some new bras.” Izumi said with a smirk, one filled with jovial teasing....something that seemingly came naturally to her despite her usual ‘angsty’ mindset on any other day. “We all know Natsumi NEEDS them for her jugs.”
“OI! You’re just as big, if not BIGGER than me!”
“Oh, jealous~?”
“Of you? No way!”
“Your tone says otherwise.”
“Why you-”
“Girls, relax.” Taihaku deadpanned while pinching the girl’s sides with their fingers, twisting it a little to make them yelp in pain. “No need to start a fight, especially when we are ALL pitching in on this with our own money. So, apologize and let’s get back to our shopping spree.”
“Sorry!” Both said at once as the hands released their grip from their sides.
Only for the ‘sun goddess’ to stare towards a window display on her right.....and saw a dazzling display of rings, armbands, earrings, wristbands and necklaces, shining from behind the glass akin to brilliant stars.
Each one beautiful in their own right yet, near the center of the display were treasures that seemed to lure her attention in like a fishing rod.
For there, hanging on a tree-like display were three necklaces, thin yet made of silver chains and beads of red jade, pendants of shining moonstones rested in the middle of each, as an image of a rabbit and cat holding a sunflower in their hands were engraved onto the pendant’s surface.
To those with an understanding of symbolism and the complexities of the written word, the necklaces' components tell....a very interesting message.
Moonstones hold the authority of new beginnings, healing of the emotional side of the human condition, empathy and intuition.
Sunflowers express the most cheerful of emotions, including loyalty and adoration to others.
Cats bring out not only affection and companionship, but also deep emotional connections between people that no blade, kunai or jutsu could ever destroy.
And Rabbits share the moonstone’s dominion over new beginnings and....a certain biological necessity found in all living things, or for those with a green thumb, fertility.
All of these parts of a greater picture, despite being completely different, have one thing in common that brings them together....
They were symbols of the concept known as love.
But for the disguised Uzumaki, they were just pretty jewelry that they wanted to get.
Right. Now.
“Hold on a second, I’ll be right back.” Natsumi said, releasing her arms from her friends’ neck before quickly sprinting into the jewelry store, leaving her companions waiting for her near the entrance way.
“....always energetic.” Taihaku said with a sigh, although it was one of nostalgia instead of frustration. “Kinda reminds me of all the times he tried besting you, Izumi-chan.”
“Yeah, and all the times he lost didn’t annoy him, it just....made him more annoying when he challenged me later. Thinking back on it, I was....a little confused why he didn’t have a fighting style despite being in the same classes as us....but-”
“We both know that he was being sabotaged for being an unwilling host....looking back now, we were kinda...asses, not seeing how much pain he was in.”
“.....in fairness, we were too busy with our own demons to truly care about his life outside the classroom. Had we learned beforehand, it might or might not helped, if anything, we might just choose to ignore the issue entirely.” Izumi said while looking to her left side. “We were kids then and kids....are more heartless than adults sometimes.”
“Izumi-chan, I understand-”
“Taihaku....look. We still have goals to accomplish and inner demons to tame. You with...being strong and me trying to avenge the death of my own clan, but....” she said with a frown. “Just spending time with Natsumi, actual time and not just watching him from afar, has....made things complicated. Bonds were what destroyed my family....but she-”
“I know, she does make the world seem brighter.” they said while patting Izumi on the right shoulder in an attempt to comfort the ‘storm goddess’. “And we both are a little....broken in our own ways, but we don’t have to shoulder the burden on our own. I mean, look at us, we’re acting like old friends, not acquaintances, I haven’t felt like this in years and you feel the same way, right Izumi-chan?”
“......hm.”
“Oh, don’t act like that.” they said playfully, lightly punching the woman’s arm a little. “We all saw you smile when Natsumi tried to get that ugly sweater for you, the one with the goofy horse head.”
“It wasn’t a smile, it was a frown.”
“No, it was a smile. You smiled at the attempt and it was just adorable.”
The raven-haired woman pouted cutely while looking away, feeling her cheeks light flush red before she focused her eyes on her companion’s smirking face. “Oh? Adorable am I? Well, did you forget the fact that you squealed when Natsumi tried to buy that spider plushie for you.”
“That wasn’t a squeal, it just....surprised me.”
“You squealed in fear and it sounded adorable.”
“Izumi-chan!” they said with a pout, one that....made Izumi’s heart skip a beat for a moment before shaking her head and smiled a little.
“......it's funny. This is the first time I actually talked more than a few words, to anyone. It’s....kinda strange, me just acting like this.....I think it’s just the henge talking.”
“No, you’re just having fun and I kinda miss this side of you.”
“Oh?”
“I....kinda watched you acting like a brat before...you know.” Taihaku said with a sad smile, which only made Izumi’s already irregular heartbeat move even faster. “How you wanted to be like your brother and all, even when you did sneak a few dinosaur toys into the academy.”
“Wait, you knew!?”
“Yep, and you named one of them Roar-chan.”
“Taihaku!!!!”
“Relax, no need to be flustered by that....even though you also named a few other of your toys some even funnier names.”
“Taihaku! Don’t-”
“There was Fang-kun the Velociraptor, Shieldy the Triceratops, Miki-tan the Pteranodon, Neck-san the Apatosaurus, oh and my favorite, Fishy-nee-chan the Spinosaurus-”
“TAIHAKU-”
“Hey!” Natsumi interrupted with a smile, quickly walking out of the store, bags still around her arms as in her left hand was a small bag with three tiny boxes inside it. “I’m back and look what I have~!”
Orbs of green and blue blinked in unison as they stared at the bag in confusion, though seeing the....puppy dog eyes from Natsumi’s happy face....
Made them relent and took out two random boxes, their blonde companion taking the other one out and opened it to reveal the necklace.
“.....”
“......”
“Like it?” she asked while watching her shopping buddies opening their respective boxes and stared in amazement at the necklaces’ craftsmanship, especially Taihaku....who seemed to be VERY surprised at the moment. “I thought that since we’re going to be a team, we could have matching necklaces....no other reason, just because we would look awesome wearing them.”
“.....”
“......”
“What? Don’t like it?”
“No, it’s just....how much did you even use to buy these?” Izumi said while opening the box and stared....right at the cat engraving, making her gawk in adoration at the sight of it. ‘It’s a cat! How did he know I liked cats!? ...yep, he just earned some respect points from me for this!’
“Oh, they were about 10,000 ryo each. So-”
“Wait, you bought them for 30,000 ryo!?” Taihaku yelled in disbelief as they stared at the sunflower engraving for a moment before the sudden reveal registered in their mind. ‘Just how much ryo does he have anyway-NO! WHY would he do this on a whim!? The sunflower is cute and all...but, WHY!?’
“Yep, but it’s worth it really for you two....since you helped me and all.” she said with a light blush on her cheeks. “I just wanted to....show my appreciation for my new teammates.”
“W-We can’t accept this-”
“Those are your gifts, I insist.”
“.....”
“....are you sure?” Izumi asked with a raised eyebrow, her hands subconsciously placing the necklace around her neck, Taihaku following her example after a few seconds of hesitation.
“I’m really sure.” Natsumi said while putting the necklace around her neck and smiled. “Consider them tokens of my friendship....well, rivalry for you, Izumi.”
“.....thanks.”
“Any time, boob for brains.”
“Hey!”
As the two women started a small fight, one involving how big the other one’s breasts/asses were and how they were bigger than their own brains, Taihaku stared at the pendant on the necklace with...a little confusion and inquisitive curiosity.
They knew what the sunflower symbolized, having learned from Ino before....their falling out. But....
They didn’t know about the other images, they knew they meant....something, but for whatever reason, it escaped their calculative mind like a pipedream or a nightmare upon awakening.
All they did know was....
That these necklaces weren’t just one-off gifts....but thought out presents for two people, who not long ago either didn’t care or just saw him as annoying, that were paid for with his own money.
....a sweet gift, a warm kindness....
It just felt....like they were being trusted with the person’s own heart and soul.
....yep, this gift will not go unrewarded, that is what they and the currently bickering Izumi will remember and keep in their hearts going forward.
“At least I don’t look like a fusion of Crazy Snake Lady and your mom!”
“Wait, what?” Izumi said in confusion, forgetting the argument she and Natsumi were in the middle of, as she cocked her head to the side. “I’m a fusion of who?”
“The crazy blood-obsessed lady you tricked our sensei with! The henge!”
“.....eh?”
“Damn it, boob for brains, the one with the fishnet!”
“Oh....and that’s a problem?” she asked with genuine confusion, making the ‘sun goddess’ blink in surprise.
“....well, no. I just feel like the henge is rubbing off on you.”
“How?”
“Look at you! You’re ENJOYING the fishnet bodysuit so much, I think you want to BECOME like her.”
“I-what!? No, I’m not!”
“Your back is exposed! I saw guys and gals looking at you-”
“They also were looking at you like candy so WHY is my use of fishnet any different!? Do you have a grudge against them or something!?” Izumi yelled with frustrated annoyance, only to see Natsumi groan a little.
“Let’s just say that the one time I was early to class....was the last time I saw Iruka-sensei, Ayame-nee and....that crazy snake lady being NORMAL.” she said with a groan, her face turning a little pale at the memory re-entering her mind. ‘Oh kami, the snakes...everywhere...so many....snakes in....ugh! And on MY TABLE TOO!!!’
“......so you saw them having a three-”
“LA LA LA! I CAN’T HEAR YOU! LA LA LA!!!!”
Oh, real matu-”
“YOU!”
Fear....panic....dread....there were the feelings that the three shopping companions felt as they turned towards their left, only for them to feel sweat running down their bodies at the sight stomping towards them in anger.
For it was their sensei...Kakashi Hatake...and well....
He looked like he just escaped a natural disaster by the skin of his teeth!
Clothes were torn and bloodied, his mask ripped, hair coated in garbage, his headband slumped downwards in a haphazard manner, bite marks littered his exposed skin, and chunks of chewed wire hung from his jacket like worms.
....his eyes....filled with rage....and one....
One was....pure red, no....it was a Sharingan, a bloodshot one no less!
....this wasn’t a jonin sensei anymore....this was a man that saw war, saw death....and KNEW a few thousand ways to murder people!
Oh and for some reason...a small pug with a ninja headband was on his head, looking a little petrified from the killer intent the silver-haired man was expelling from his body, wanting nothing better to do than to run away.
“Um....you need something-” Natsumi tried to say before seeing the man glare at her, making her squeak out in fear and hid behind Taihaku and Izumi, both her companions feeling their own blood freeze in terror.
“How DARE you trick me like that!!!”
“.....um, trick you?” Taihaku said while trying to keep a brave face, but knew they were royally screwed right now. “What do you mean by that?”
“You know DAMN WELL! You three are the ones that tricked me into picking up that book, which is MINE by the way, trapped me with tripwire and had the utter GALL to trap me inside a garbage can with a pack full of WILD OPOSSUMS!!!”
“....wait, it had what now?” Izumi said in surprise before whispering to her companions. “There were opossums in the garbage can?!”
“I didn't know that!” Natumi whispered in disbelief. “I thought it had only garbage!”
“Shit, and opossums are really aggressive too...oh no.” Taihaku muttered before all three of the trio realized the damage they had JUST inflicted upon their future sensei.
“You three are SO lucky those animals chewed the wire off me or YOU’D be paying my hospital bills instead of just getting an asskicking!” the jonin yelled while pointing to the dog on his head. “And don’t bother denying it, my ninkin can SMELL your scent a mile away, especially YOUR shampoo, pinky!”
‘Wait, that is a summon!? Oh shit, we’re SO dead!’ Taihaku thought in terror as the jonin moved closer and closer towards their direction.
“Any last words before I introduce you three to Konohagakure Hiden Taijutsu Ōgi: Sennen Goroshi and make you unable to even SIT for the rest of your lives?”
“.....Tajū Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!”
And just like that, a massive cloud of smoke covered the entire shopping district as the ‘sun goddess’ turned to her companions, eyes wide in stunned confusion at what they had just witnessed.
“Eh!?”
“What-”
“No time to lose, RUN!” Natsumi yelled while grabbing her companions, bags and all, and high-tailed it out of the area....followed by a few hundred copies of the group that went running in every direction.
“..........I commend their teamwork, but this. Means.” Kakashi said in rage, his left hand quickly forming blue lightning, scaring both the passerbys and the pug on the jonin’s head. “WAR!”
ZAP!
CACKLE!
“AHHHH!!!”
“RUN AWAY!!”
“ CHIDORI!!!!!! ”
KABOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!
“GAH!!!”
“MY CABBAGES!!!”
The shroud of night, dark and lined with distant stars, covered the heavens as the three shopping fools, tired and rather exhausted, fell face first upon the ground, their henges dissipating from both chakra fatigue and stress.
“Ah...ah....ah....kami, that was terrifying....” Sakura muttered while trying to steady her heart rate. “Really terrifying.”
“Yeah....we really messed up, dattebayo.” Naruto muttered while looking upwards towards his teammates.
Only to see Sasuke’s eyes....which were now red with a single tomoe around the iris, staring right at him.
“Teme?”
“What....?”
“Your eyes are red.”
“........eh?” he said while blinking in surprise, only to feel a little pain in his eyes and shook his head, the sharingan eyes fading away from the lack of chakra in his system at the moment. “Wait...I got the sharingan?”
“Wait, really?”
“.....apparently running away from a pissed off jonin is enough to awaken it.” Sasuke said while slightly....disappointed, for he was hoping it would be a little more....eventful and less ‘running away like a coward’.
“Oh, that’s great, Sasuke-kun.” Sakura said while the three started to get up, their bodies were a little tired from not only running away from their sensei but also holding a LOT of bags around their arms during said chase. “Terrifying that you had to...get them in that chase, but I’m happy you were able to get them.”
“........hm.”
“But Naruto, why didn’t you tell us you can use THAT jutsu!?”
“...oh right, um, the Old Man allowed me to use it. High chakra and all.”
“....did it have to do with-”
“Yep, the fox. But hey, we're right near my apartment, so want to stop by and help me put my stuff away?”
Both Haruno and Uchiha heirs blinked while turning around and saw....
A massive oval shaped building right in front of them, its roof covered in red shingles that looked ready to fall apart, its many pipes rusted and weathered from unmaintained maintenance, the windows cracked in some places, its walls coated in dull rust red and....some germinating weeds within the cracks....the sounds of ‘groaning’ seemingly escaping from its foundation like a dying animal.
Overall....this was a literal slum apartment that looked just about ready to COLLAPSE from the faintest of breezes!
“....what’s your apartment?”
“Yeah, it is.”
“But that’s the most cheapest and sketchy apartment complex I’ve ever seen, and I have SEEN places with ten rat kings nesting inside the fridges!” Sakura yelled in total disbelief, confusing her teammates greatly as she coughed a little in embarrassment. “Right, you two don’t know. My parents are health inspectors and they....allowed me to see some sites when I was little. Something about showing me what NOT to do with a living space or something.”
“....ah.” Both boys said in unison while surprised at that sudden reveal.
“Still, why are you even living here-”
“The Old Man gave me this.” Naruto said while looking away. “I told you this before.”
“......I thought you were exaggerating.”
“....anyway, want to come in?” the blonde genin said, seemingly trying to change the subject. “It’s nicer in there than out here with an angry jonin.”
“......”
“......fine, but we aren’t having dinner there.” Sasuke deadpanned.
“Wait, why not?”
“We are a little sick of ramen today, especially after seeing you eat enough to make a hippo cry.”
“EH!? Why you-”
“Calm down, you two.” Sakura said with a glare, making the two boys shut up instantly in fear. “And yes, Naruto, let’s inside...hopefully it's clean-”
“It is!”
“Sorry sorry, that was supposed to be internalized.” ‘Damn it Inner!’
And just like that, the three genin walked towards the apartment complex, the only two non-tenants feeling....disgusted at the crumbling structure all around them.
Mold on the ceiling, cracks on the stairs, rats living in cracks on the floors....
Gross....dilapidated and....unfit for human habitation.
Why would the Hokage even LET Naruto live here?
Yet as the genin walked towards the top of the structure and turned to their left....
They saw....graffiti, all painted red like blood....
All saying phrases such as ‘ Kitsune ’, ‘ Uchiha Dog ’, ‘ Monster ’, ‘ Spawn of Evil ’, ‘ Hokage Killer ’, and most disturbing, ‘ Son of Kyuubi ’.
...what was wrong with humanity?
What was wrong with this village?
What was....wrong with this world to treat a child like this?
“Careful of the first step.” Naruto said while pulling out a key and began unlocking the door, not noticing that his teammates were staring at a massive red graffiti of a nine-tailed fox planted right on the door. “And don’t forget the shoes....oh and be careful, the toilet is....currently unavailable.”
“Wait, what?” Sakura said in confusion. “How can a toilet be unavailable?”
“....let’s just say the last visitor I had decided to destroy my entire bathroom out of spite.” he said while turning on the light and lazily kicked off his shoes, sending them flying onto the ground in the process. “Just put the bags on the bed, I’m going to get something to drink....any requests?”
“Oh, any tea?”
“Sorry, Sakura-chan. No tea, and no Teme, I don’t have any coffee.”
“....oh, right, yeah yeah.” The Last Uchiha said, completely unfocused on the conversation as he seemed to be staring....at every nook and cranny of the apartment, putting the bags in his arms on the ground as he walked around like a cautious hound. “No coffee, yeah.”
“Teme! Are you paying attention!?”
“....hm.”
“Teme!”
“Naruto, calm down.” Sakura said calmly while placing her bags on the semi-messy bed. “We will BOTH have whatever’s available, ok?”
“Ok, Sakura-chan, be right back!” the Uzumaki said with a grin before haphazardly sending the bags flying onto the bed and ran to the back, the door slamming shut with an uncomfortable ‘CRACK’. “Oh, come on! I just got the door fixed, dattebayo!!!”
“......”
“........Sakura.”
“Yes, Sasuke-kun?”
“Did you notice the same things I did, with this....apartment?”
With a simple nod, the Haruno heiress turned to her teammate, her expression serious as she felt....rather genuine anger and the moment.
Not at how Naruto was a little messy or how he made a mess with the bags....but....
At how DISGUSTING the apartment was!
“....this place isn’t up to code. It’s supposed to be a three-room apartment, but the architecture, the plaster and the floors....it’s not from this current generation.” she said while crossing her arms. “This is from the FIRST Hokage’s reign, and from the looks of it, it has been RECENTLY renovated in the last twelve years with the bare minimum of upkeep.”
“Same, but some of the doors and outlets are from the Second Hokage’s time...my clan has had reports about the electrical wires causing house fires, even before Itachi...it makes no sense.” Sasuke said while looking around the room again, this time with his sharingan on full display. “Buildings like this should’ve been demolished by now, or at least heavily renovated to prevent in-home disasters-oh kami, that fan is rusting!”
“Sasuke-kun....I think the Hokage willingly allowed Naruto to live here because it’s far away from....the idiots.”
“Yet they still found him and broke into this crap fest every few weeks.”
“How do you know that-”
“I saw the torn latches and locks.” he said while pointing to the front door. “Even if it’s been haphazardly painted over, my sharingan can see the imperfections....though, I dread knowing what else this apartment is concealing from us.”
“Yeah...but don’t tell Naruto this but....” Sakura said while pointing towards the bed with her left hand. “I think I saw a rat under that bed.”
“......I heard something moving in the walls. Something big.”
“.....ew.”
“Agreed, this place is-”
“I’m back!” Naruto called out while opening the door behind them, three stacked cups in one hand, a tray under his right arm and a large container of milk in his other hand. “And I found some milk....I think this is still good enough to drink.”
....stares, long deep stares were set upon the blonde Uzumaki’s direction, each one unnerving yet filled with a sense of concern....not that the boy knew as he felt really nervous for some reason.
“Um....Sakura-chan, Teme? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“......”
“......”
“Y-Your freaking me out! Why are you looking at me like that-”
“Naruto.”
Once, twice, thrice did the blonde jinchuriki blink at the Uchiha’s sudden use of his real name as he....felt a strange tingling sensation in his heart.
....warm, full of satisfaction and joy....yet the emotion seemed to escape his understanding.
Yet before he could say anything in response.
“We are moving your things to the Uchiha District, my old family manor is still up to date and I’m the only one there....so starting tonight, you’re living with me.”
....yep, the world is an illusion.
An illusion where plants can talk, snake people are real, ramen is dry, the Hokage is a pervert, and dogs and cats can settle down and have hybrid offspring.
For...why would Sasuke Uchiha, the most edgy and loner boy in the village....
Ask ANYONE to live with him under one roof!?
That’s UNNATURAL AND SUDDEN!!!
“.......NANI!?”
“Sasuke-kun, is that a little-”
“Sakura can stay with us as well.” Sasuke said quickly, his face as red as his sharingan eyes as he looked away to avoid looking....weak to his teammates. “We are genin now, so in the eyes of the law, we are adults. Living together without any parents is just a natural conclusion to that first step....unless you don’t want that, that is.”
“Um....but isn’t that....inconvenient to both of us?” Naruto said, still unsure of what’s currently going on in the Uchiha’s mind at the moment. “I get you, I think, but we can’t just move everything to your place-”
“You know the Tajū Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, it would take very little time to get all your stuff to the district. And it would also help Sakura feel independent by moving to the manor. She wants to get stronger, so it would make sense if she became strong in character first before she goes on her first mission.”
“That’s true, but-”
“It’s final.” Sasuke said firmly, making the pink and blonde-haired genin flinch a little at his resolve. “You two are my new roommates and if anyone says otherwise, I’ll use Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu to burn them to ash! I’m the only one that will protect you BOTH from the world and I’ll burn the world to make you BOTH happy!”
....silence, dead silence filled the creaking halls of the derelict apartment complex, neither genin making a sound as Sakura and Naruto stared at their teammate with....stunned expressions, unable to properly register what he just said to them.
Yet....as the quietness began to wear down their patience, the Last Uchiha FINALLY realized what he just did and cursed his genetics.
For he realized that....Uchihas were stupidly and emotionally protective....to the point of making absurd promises.
And right now....
He made a VERY emotional outburst at this moment!
“....ahem.” The Uchiha Heir coughed while looking a little embarrassed at his sudden outburst. “I mean....um....you two are welcome at the manor....if you want that is....”
“......”
“......bffff! Hahahahaha! Oh kami, you are SO jealous, dattebayo!”
“Naruto, don’t laugh at Sasuke-kun’s....hahahaha....protective proclamation! AHA!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!”
“Y-You don’t have to laugh at me, you usuratonkachis!” he yelled while feeling extremely embarrassed, his cheeks puffed up cutely, in the eyes of his laughing teammates, as no one noticed....
That Kakashi Hatake was right on the ledge of the window, watching the scene like a calculative predator....
His eyes....narrowed and still fueled with anger, despite the calmness of his body posture.
“Aw, how sweet.” He said as the genin’s laughter died down suddenly, a cold chill running down their spines as the jonin waved at them in a mock gesture of ‘professionalism’. “My students are planning to live together as a happy family, that’s nice. I don’t mind getting that paperwork filled out for you, since you DID succeed in my test. Teamwork in that ‘prank’ of yours, something I thought was impossible, but hey, I guess even I can be wrong sometimes.”
Wood creaked under the weight of his boots as the jonin stood upright and slowly....and deliberately walked towards the now fearful genin.
“However, you three DID play hooky on our introductions, tricked me into getting trapped in a opossum-infested trash can for hours, used the Tajū Kage Bunshin no Jutsu to further hide from me while I, in my rage, used a highly dangerous jutsu to destroy HALF of the Shopping District. While yes, I will be punished for my actions....” he said while cracking the joints in his neck. “I’m going to first punish you for going overboard with your prank.”
Joints popped, knuckles cracked...fearful genin now trapped between a wall and an enraged Hatake, his eyes twitching with hidden wrath soon to be unleashed upon the ‘foolish’ students.
“Any last words before I start, mmm?”
“.......”
“........”
“.....um......” Naruto said meekly as he, for some strange reason, heard something laugh in the back of his mind, laughing....at the pain that was going to happen. “Can’t we just....call it a night and...we can do E-rank missions for a year? Dattebayo?”
“Mmmm, tempting...but.” he said while a ball of blue energy began to form in his left hand, making all three genin begin to shake in terror, knowing they were SO going to die right now. “No.”
“Wait! Sensei, don’t!”
“Shit! Wait, sensei, let's not be so drastic!”
“....yep, I shouldn’t have woken up today....stupid blonde-”
“ RASENGAN! ”
And just like that-
KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”
The entire wall exploded into metal and wooden shards, the three genin sent flying into the horizon....a singular star forming where they went as it twinkled like a shooting star.
“......oh boy....I might’ve gone a little overboard that time.” Kakashi muttered to himself while feeling a little worried for his genin....and felt a sense of utter dread for what’ll happen if the Hokage learned about this. “....Minato-sensei, Kushina-san, Fugaku-san, Mikoto-san....my apologies for accidentally killing your kids.” ‘Shit, and the Haruno Clan’s going to MURDER me once they find out I sent both her AND her teammates all the way to Kiri!’